If you do not like the things we approve of, we suggest you revisit your stance. You are still allowed to like and/or engage in the things we dis-approve of, you are just wrong. Previous installments can be found here. – Eds.
The Toast Approves of the Following Things:
1. Target.
2. Hiding multiple lip balms around your home.
3. Comfortable shoes.
4. Articles/books/zines/tattoos about lesbian separatism.
5. Getting things framed.
The Toast Disapproves of the Following Things:
1. “Jack and Diane,” John Cougar Mellencamp
2. Pronouncing “macarons” correctly
3. Referring to an action as “inviting negativity.”
4. Fingernails that extend more than a quarter-inch past your fingertips (we have no beef with nail art.)
5. Clutch purses.
Tags: business, meta, nicole and mallory, official toast stances, stirring the people up, whimsically held positions
I SO agree about “macarons.” Someone brought them in to work the other day, and it turned into a linguistic minefield.
One of my more… sensitive friends nearly cried at Drunk Spelling Bee when the abrasive MC booted him because he (the MC) had correctly pronounced “barrette” and he (the friend) thought he was saying “beret” but incorrectly.
Listening to people argue about pronunciation is easily one of the worst things ever.
what about referring to such an action as “being a turd” instead?
JACK AND DIANE IS THE WORST SONG EVER. I am still not over my childhood trauma of having that damn song blasted on the school bus every afternoon.
Among other things, it completely ruined the word ‘ditty’ for me.
So outraged now that I shall have to reach for one of my many tubes of Burt’s Bees to let the pomegranate oil (whatever the hell that does for balm) take me away.
Reaching for my own tube of Burt’s Bees (mango!) in solidarity.
but what if you only like “Jack and Diane” because when you hear the insanely depressing line “life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone” you can imagine J.C. Mellencamp weeping uncontrollably and it’s kind of fun
Any good wistfulness is negated by the barf-worthy “sucking on chili dogs” line.
You know, I never even *thought* about that line before, and now, ugh, shudders.
I can’t… I mean, I was having enough trouble with ‘ditty’ – which is usually trigger enough to stop my brain from proceeding w/ the lyrics. But you had to go and type it.
Gross gross gross gross gross – a gross of gross.
Fingernails that extend more than a quarter-inch past your fingertips.
The Toast’s gayification continues apace…
Some of us straights also gotta be careful with the fingernails. Just sayin ~
Next you’ll be telling me straight ladies like flannel too!
I own 2 pendleton canyon shirts, one vintage and one new. And I used to have an asymmetrical pixie cut, and still wear combat boots and no makeup (I also have gotten pretty good at turning down the lovely ladies who sometimes get the wrong impression, I think).
Well, I’m sure you’d be welcome at the lesbian separatist commune all the same.
LiterallyABee and I are the same person, apparently.
A quarter inch is still more than enough to do some damage.
http://www.autostraddle.com/effing-dykes-what-lie…
Presented without comment because Krista of EffingDykes already made all the comments, have some nitrile.
SWEETBABYJESUS do not read the comments. MRSA. On the lady parts.
Beat me to it. Damn you, gainful employment! But, yes, nail art? That’s a negatory, Houston. We all remain traumatized.
My girlfriend actually got scratched up by a guy. In turn, she scratched me up.
Wait, short nails are a gay thing now? I always figured it was a germaphobe thing (long nails = what horrors live under them?!) and/or a noise thing (long nails = very loud clickety-clack typing sound) or just a convenience thing (I mean, really). And couldn’t long nails be just as dangerous to male sensitive parts, too?
Long nails are gross overall, but they can do quite a lot of damage inside a vagina. Or an anus! So short nails are good advice for anyone who likes to put fingers inside people. Which I guess we only like to think about lesbians doing? IDK. A quarter inch past the end of the finger is still quite long for that though.
*Full body shudder!*
“now” yes, after the invention of fingering in 1983
To me it’s always been a musician thing (those weird guitarists with one long thumbnail excepted). I play piano, I can’t have my fingernails longer than my fingertips, because then they start clicking on the keys and being generally obnoxious.
This becomes a dilemma for those of us who want to play piano *and* guitar. Classical guitar wants all of your right-hand fingernails to be long! Gah. Problems.
Glad to see The Toast approves of hiding multiple lip balms around the house. I was worried I had too many now I have justification to buy more to hide.
Is “hiding” multiple lip balms the same as “losing” them? Because I am an expert at the latter.
I totally ‘hide’ mine in the washing machine all the time. :-/
Please may we see an example of a lesbian separatist tattoo? Please?
Not exactly lesbian separatist, but lately I have been seriously considering getting an army of misandrist spiders tattooed on my person. Or maybe just one misandrist spider, you know, as a start.
This list is one I heartily agree with. Except…I don’t actually know how to pronounce “macarons,” correctly or incorrectly, so…I just try to say “cookie” instead, or “I’ll have one of those, please!” and still end up feeling inadequate for not having any idea what the pronunciation should be and therefore how I can appropriately mess it up.
RIGHT. Just so we know, how do you pronounce macarons?
im pretty sure the “correct” english pronunciation (of which the toast does not approve) is “mac-a-RUNGHHH” with that last syllable being all french and not saying the “n”
see also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDu4SAHk7O4
Yes, but isn’t a /mack-a-roon/ a totally different confection from a /mack-a-ron/???? The latter is a sandwich cookie, but the former is not, I believe. So, what does the Toast suggest re: nomenclature for the sandwich?
You should call them the same thing, even though it’s totally incorrect.
Agreed.
Y’all.
I can’t. Even.
(also, sorry for the redundant posts–the comment function is acting a little weird for me just now. . .)
Mack-a-ROON is a coconut cookie, usually chewy I think? Mack-a-rohhhhnnnnn is the pretentious little sandwich cookie that Girls Who Work In Fashion split with their Equally Fancy Publicist Friends for a “splurge!!!!” dessert.
the French (right?) way to pronounce it is something along the lines of /mack-a-ron/ with a French-y “r” and a very little more weight on the final syllable than the first syllable. I’m not sure which part of that is the part that the Toast finds offensive, although I’ll grant that a French “r” when speaking English is generally obnoxious and that I am sometimes guilty as charged. For reals question, though–is the Toast suggesting we go with /mack-a-roon/? Because that’ s a whole other confection entirely. So, maybe I’m echoing the above question: What’s the Toast-friendly way to name the puff of egg whites / almond flour / sugar sandwiching some creamy filling goodness?
ETA: Corfay is totally right that you don’t actually really pronounce the “n” at the end. You more sort of send the vowel sound up your nose and call it a day.
Yes. This is preferable to saying “Can I have a *whisperexplodes* maiquairohhhh?”
I believe over-pronouncing French words when you are a native English speaker should be added to the “Disapproves” list 🙂
This stresses me out so much when I’m ordering French wine. Like, how do you find a balance between douchespewing “Peu-YEE FhouissAY” and rube-ily calling it like “Pully Fwis”? But how stupid is it to not order things that you like because you’re worried about saying their names out loud?
See, I never get why it’s considered douchey to pronounce things correctly. It’s a French name with a French pronunciation. It’s not an English word. It’s not translated. It has a particular pronunciation. Why not use it? (I think that came out hostile, but I’m not trying to be.) I mean, you don’t have to make a big deal out of it with a studiedly perfect accent, but getting the consonants right seems like the essential step in having the waiter understand what you’re ordering. (Supposing, of course, that the waiter knows how to pronounce it himself or herself.)
When I say over pronouncing, I’m definitely referring to the people who make a big deal and all of a sudden their voice is totally different and while what they’re saying is, I’d like a glass of beaujolais, what they’re communicating is “I have lived internationally.” My only exception to this rule is croissant. We’re in America – we don’t say it like there’s a w in it, especially if we’re ordering at Starbucks.
I feel really weird saying Italian words or names when otherwise speaking English. I spoke Italian with my family when I was a kid, so I want to use Italian pronunciation for those words. But I’m afraid that people won’t understand me* and/or that I’ll seem like a douche, so I try to stick to American pronunciations.
Weirdly, this is even spreading into my Italian pronunciation. I feel somehow embarrassed to use a more Italian accent even when actually speaking Italian…
* This is a completely justified fear. I sometimes don’t even know that Americans say certain words differently (e.g. provolone).
Yeah, but English does that all the time with other languages. “We’re going to be borrowing this word and btw we’re not giving it back, it’s an English word now kthxbye.”
I don’t think anyone would make the argument that Pouilly-Fuissé is now an English word, though.
I think it’s that it’s really uncomfortable when you can’t pronounce it correctly – I also have this issue with macarons. You end up sounding like a total asshole when you go for the messy franglais version.
This actually is a pet peeve of mine, though. A lot of words have been anglicized – borrowed from another language but pronounced in English. You just sound like a show-off if you’re ordering a cwascent when everyone else is saying croo-sant, or if you’re telling everyone how excited you are for your trip to Barthelona.
In my family we call it Polly Fish. With no shame
My sister and I made macaroooooooons for our other sister’s birthday in September and she spent the entire baking afternoon saying it in the Frenchest manner she possibly could, just to piss me off. I spent the entire afternoon channelling Mrs Overall from Acorn Antiques (I have hunted and hunted for a youtube clip to no avail, but elderly British hopeless waitress in a hairnet brandishing a plate of macarooooooons).
See, when you say it with the over-exaggerated “oooooons” like that (which I love), all I picture is the disembodied head of Richard Nixon from Futurama. This…is not a bad connotation, I think. Macaroooooons for all!
I’ve been trying to frame more things instead of just taping them to the wall, but if they don’t fit in cheap pre-made frames (from Target) I know I’m never going to get around to it/want to spend the money. At what age does it become unacceptable to have things taped to your wall? What if they’re part of a cluster that includes frames? I’m 27 and afraid I’m failing at adult decorating.
I totally do the thing where I hang stuff from binder clips, and pretend that it’s edgy and cool, rather than lazy and cheap.
Yeah.
Also I honestly don’t like frames, though.
Sometimes I use washi tape to put things up, I feel it’s slightly cuter than regular tape. And comes in so many colours and patterns!
The question “At what age does it become unacceptable to have things taped to your wall?” is something that haunts me daily. My boyfriend’s answer to this is 22, and we are probably moving in together next year, and this is probably the largest sticking point between us.
HOWEVER: I have done a bunch of this thing: http://content.photojojo.com/diy/make-a-diy-photo… – and it actually works reallly really really well and looks v classy and nice. Plus, you can trade out the photos any time.
Ooh, that’s a cute idea. I have the opposite problem with my boyfriend– he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to put tape on the front of things and I have to restrain him.
Pfft, I’m 36 on Sunday and my entire living room is covered in postcards blu-tacked to the wall. I have several beautifully framed prints and photos, but also an entire wall of bright postcards. It looks awesome.
We have a couple of these for our larger posters. OR you could get a Target frame in the largest size & flip over the paper liner to the white side & tape a poster/photo in the middle so there’s a nice white border all around, almost like a real frame mat. OR you could go to your local frame store and get a custom mat cut for your cheap frame. I think they’re like $25. OR you could clip your art in one of those wooden pants hangers. I bet that would look cool.
Or just keep using tape! Eventually it stops looking dumb and starts looking, like, bohemian, right? I’d pick painter’s tape, though– less damage to the walls.
Ooh, lots of good options! I guess my biggest problem is that we have a ton of 12 x 18 posters and weirdly shaped art and I never know what’s the best option. We definitely use blue tape though, and hide it on the back.
If you stick a 12×18 poster in the middle of an 18×24 frame, you’ll get a 3″ border all the way around. I feel like there’s nothing more Adult than a beefy-ass frame border.
Now here’s a list I can get behind! All is forgiven, etc.
Seriously though, Target. Target Target Target. Cheap fun clothes and a good house brand of groceries and inexpensive cosmetics. And you can buy an ice scraper there. What more can one desire?
I honestly think one of my favorite things about living in Minneapolis is the fact that it’s where Target is headquartered and there’s a bajillion of them.
Glad to see I’m not the only one who disapproves of long fingernails. What’s our stance on long toenails? I see the women in sandals with the long-ish nail-arted toenails and it SKEEVES ME OUT SO BAD UGGHHHH. I just imagine cuddling with someone and their toenails raking up my leg.
LONG TOENAILS ARE THE WORST POSSIBLE THING! Long fingernails are gross, but the toenails – yikes. Terrible. I don’t understand why they don’t catch on things and break and leave awful mutilated toe stumps behind.
Honestly I don’t really care about other peoples’ grooming as long as they don’t actively smell offensive or w/e, but I wish a long-toenailed lady or gent would explain to me, in small words, how they wear shoes.
MY LAZINESS
it knows no bounds
No long toenails, NO. And women who get their toenails french-manicured should be loaded into a rocket and shot into space, never to return.
One time I was given this french pedicure deal as a gift before going on a trip, AND MY FUCKING TOENAILS FELL OFF.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
THIS COMMENT IS LIKE THE JAGGED METAL KRUSTY-O ON TOP OF A DIRTY TOENAIL SUNDAE
French pedicures freak me the fuck out.
I don’t mind an actual painted-on French pedicure, though it is certainly not my preferred style. What skeeves me out beyond all understanding are press-on toenails. WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHYYYYYYYYYY is that a thing that exists? It gives me shivers of horror just thinking about it.
Everything is wrong with this forever. I can’t decide if the nail art is worse or the foot-long french manicure.
Long toenaaaaaaaails *shudder* *shudder* *shudder*
Toenails are just gross.
CLUTCH PURSES ARE STUPID. IF I WANTED A PURSE I HAD TO CARRY IN MY HAND I WOULD JUST CARRY MY WALLET.
They defeat the point of being a purse in the first place! They’re too small to fit much in, you still don’t have your hands free, and people get stressy about matching them to an outfit. Useless.
I heartily agree! Ridiculous things.
I prefer the wristlet, which has a strap you can wear around your wrist or even tie to some part of your clothing if you don’t want to carry around a purse all night.
I am a total wristlet convert. Cash, cell, cards, and one of those skinny burt’s bees balms. Clip my keys to the hook. DONE. Fits into some pockets, too, in case my wrists are otherwise occupied. (My wrists are never otherwise occupied. BUT IN CASE.)
I only ever use a clutch at parties, cuz my normal bag is way too big. And sometimes it’s a makeup bag.
The converse of being pro comfortable shoes should also be being anti high heels. I am having the hardest time finding appropriate footwear for the winter, because once I eliminate high heels, I’m left with 10% of women’s shoes. And I have really wide, but not v. long feet. I have duck feet basically, and no shoes are built to be comfortable on me.
Also, yes, short nails for life.
Same here, long narrow feet, and once they get to my size shoe, everything seems to be wide width. And I never ever wear heels, and finding dressier shoes without heels is ridiculous.
“Duck feet” is the perfect descriptor of my feet: not long, but very wide at the toe end and narrow at heel. Shoes do not even resemble the shape of my feet. My solution is men’s shoes or boots/shoes that lace up so I can buy them extra big and rely on the ankle bit to hold them in place.
of course, not all nail art is acceptable. let us never forget (but also never read again) the horrifying effing dykes/autostraddle article.
But I really, really want to forget
WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT ARTICLE. OFFICIAL TOAST STANCE.
And one other city, where it was only ever one time, and that time was “Too Late.”
Too late, I already linked it above. It will sear your consciousness and your ladyparts forever.
That article is now my baseline for evaluating nail polish when I pass by the bottles in the store. It’s like an alarm now goes off in my head: “Hey, that one looks pretty in an unusual kind of way AUTOSTRADDLE ARTICLE THINK OF THE LADY PARTS!!”
I just bought a bottle of that “sugar coat” textured nail polish, and now I’m all like GLAD YOU WERE ONLY 2 BUCKS CUZ YOU GOIN IN THE TRASH.
I really, really, really do not want to read that article (and have been trying really hard not to read it ever since the first time I came across a reference to it). Can someone just tell me what kind of nail polish not to buy? Is it just the sugar coat textured kind?
Seriously, please don’t make me read the article. My vague impressions of the ladyparts-related horror are bad enough. But I worry every time I buy nail polish! Please help.
I think your average glossy nail polishes are fine (assuming you keep them maintained so you don’t have bits flaking off or anything), but avoid anything with a texture–heavy glitter (SOB), sugar coat, velvet flocking, or nail-arty things like rhinestones/studs/tiny fimo fruit slices/what-have-you.
THANK YOU. Is any glitter dangerous/likely to lead to horror? Or just heavy glitter?
Without going into too much nightmare fuel detail, the goal is to eliminate places where germs and other nasties can hide, and anything textured is going to be difficult to keep clean. Heavy glitter is the kind most likely to have a rough texture, and a lot of glitters these days are marketed where the gritty/sandy texture is the point. Those are the ones you have to look out for. Of course, if you’re super diligent with the top coat and can get a glassy smooth finish, then you can probably glitter to your heart’s content!
Oh, thank god. I am a very diligent nail trimmer/filer and top coat painter, but I also wear a lot of glitters, and the last few times I’ve come across references to that article, I’ve been worried that I should probably read it to make sure that glitter wasn’t the problem. You have totally put my mind at ease.
But you must, dear heart, if ever you are to grow to be a real girl.
Ugh, I don’t know. Shopping at Target IS amazing….but they are so awful in terms of anti-union culture.. .http://gawker.com/5915571/here-are-some-highlights-of-targets-illegal-anti+union-exploits
Find me a big-box retailer that is pro-union and I will spend ALL OF MY MONEY THERE.
Costco I think.
Aw man, I gotta get a card? This is bogus.
Ugh, I think I’m about to have to do that for diapers and stuff. I hate buying in bulk, but I’m also a poor, pregnant teacher, so.
Just think of the churros. All of the churros. One when you walk in to go get the diapers, one to gnaw on as you hand your receipt to the checker-person and a full cart of sundries.
THEY EVEN SELL THE CHURROS IN ENGLAND. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT FACT. I almost cried when I saw them under the heat lamps, because even in their dry and shriveled English forms, it was like seeing long-lost family. Do it for the churros, amigos.
Costco or BJ’s for diapers, trust. You learn that after handing over an arm and a leg at CVS in the middle of the night, or on a trip.
I’d have to drive 300 miles, so I have no sympathy for your card obstacle.
Not all Costcos are union, but they do treat their employees fairly well, and the CEO seems to be a pretty decent person.
Plus, $1.50 for as much pop as you can drink and a huge hot dog. I don’t fuck around with my lunches and the Costco deal’s been the same since I was ten. I now do what my mom used to do: feed my kid lunch from the samples and then get myself a hot dog.
My problem is that Costco is really hard to do without a car. They’re usually in the suburbs, and you have to buy lots of stuff.
Ours stopped stocking Diet Coke. I mean! Gah! It’s bad enough they don’t have Diet Dr Pepper, which EVERYONE KNOWS is the only praise-worthy diet soda, but now all they have is Diet Pepsi?
Completely screws w/ my $1.50 hot dog/soda thing. Sure, I still have churros and berry smoothies, I GUESS, but Diet Pepsi??
Outrage.
“4. Articles/books/zines/tattoos about lesbian separatism.” [or any female separatism]
…
“3. Referring to an action as “inviting negativity.”
Because you know that a statement from a guest on 3 would inevitably follow on the presence of 4 in one’s life. Sigh.
At least I know the Toast has my back. Trudging back to my lean-to in the Green Mountains now.
I can’t help but love Jack and Diane, but that’s because I’m from Indiana, where we lovingly embrace all things JCM. Now I’m going to be humming that song all day (and enjoying it without any shame).
I love JCM without shame.
At first I was like, oh no! I regularly let me nails get too long out of laziness. And then I looked at a ruler and realized how long 1/4″ really is. I’m fine. What a relief!
Ditto. Mine are about 1/8th of an inch. But my fingers are stubby, and I don’t like the feeling of objects against the tips of my fingers, so you can pry my longish fingernails off over my dead body.
Yep mine are usually 1/6th-1/8th of an inch. Soooooooometimes I’ll let them get up to 1/4-inch but I’ll get a manicure in a very pale color so they don’t look like I’m a lunatic. Or I’ll use that glitter-sand stuff by Mariah Carey/OPI and really jack up the crazy factor. Depends on my mood.
I have given up on Aerosoles. They are not any more comfortable than what my little sister (23 year old girly girl) wears.
My dad has just bought a pair of Uggs. I….do not even…cannot comprehend.
Have you tried Sofft? I’ve found them comfy without looking orthopedic.
I wear a lot of Keen/Merrill/Jambu mary jane or ballet looking things… and I have a standing desk. But I work at a semicasual office in Oregon where none of those things are exactly shocking.
No, but thanks for the tip!
Poll: Does Jessica Simpson improve upon Jack and Diane, or does she achieve the impossible in making it even more unlistenable?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7uxf8kBBlg
We can all just assume that is a rhetorical question.
Twist: I actually enjoy both songs.
An important part of my vegetating-with-my-laptop routine is applying lip balm periodically; thus, the corollary that there must be a lip balm nearby. I keep a ready-to-use one and its empty predecessor as a spare. It makes no sense, but that is the beauty of rituals.
P.S. I agree with everything except macarons and Target.
Listen you guys, macarons and macaroons are two different things. One is the most delicious, resplendent treat this world has ever known, and the other is a macaroon. If you offer me one, it damned well better not be the other.
mmm hmmm.
You gotta be joking! IT’S A DELICIOUS COCONUT THING
But if someone was like “would you like this coconut pile of whatever OR this airy-yet-dense cookie sandwich with delicious jam/sea salt caramel/chocolate in the middle that happens to also be the prettiest thing in the room”… I just feel like you’d want to be able to say “the mack-ah-ROHN please.”
Macarons are overrated. Macaroons are where it’s at.
LIES.
TRUTH.
I’d pick the coconut pile. The ‘roon.
Each thing is delicious and perfect in its own place and time. Both so delicious if done right!
Not just coconut, even, but coconut and butter and often chocolate! Can a macaron double as a meal? No it most certainly can not.
Are you sure? Because your description says otherwise… (coconut is like fiber and protein and fat, right?? magic fruit-carb-veg?)
Ah, sorry, I meant that the coconut macarooooon is a delicious and self-contained meal, and the fancy French macarOn can go get stuffed because it is a crap cookie.
I didn’t know these were two different things, but I am fairly confident I would eat both/either, so I’ll just keep saying “macaroons” for the cookies.
I agree with 99% of this comment (exception is the macaroon put-down, but I can forgive that). They are verrrry different cookies. I would not pay $3.50 for a macaroon, but I very well might for a macaron (I know, I know).
I am the opposite. Every macaron has been a disappointment, every macaroon a pleasure.
Clearly you have not been eating the right macarons. Also, they can’t stay un-frozen (or at least un-chilled) for more than 24 hours because then they’re just terrible.
But, but Target?! When they bought out Zellers they closed down the store in my hometown. It’s not being converted to a Target and so those jobs are gone! It was a store staffed by 95% women and now the only store in town is Wal-Mart. Which – ugh- I think we all know how they treat female employees and employees in general.
So, Mac-a-ROOOOONS it is but ’tis I that invite YOU to reevaluate your stance on Target. It’s ok…but there is sadness to that okayness.
I have a lip balm in my fridge! (It melts.)
I do pronounce macarons correctly though. Too many years of french immersion, and also macaroons are a completely different thing.
I have a lip balm in my fridge! (It melts.)
I do pronounce macarons correctly though. Too many years of french immersion, and also macaroons are a completely diffferent thing. They are chocolates, macarons are cookies/pastries. Come on!
Things I approve of this morning:
+ my new fleece headband that keeps me from getting an earache on my bike ride to work
+ genmaicha
+ brain medication
+ the creepy rotting jack-o-lanterns on my neighbors’ front porches
+ all the Toast’s wonderful readers
Things I don’t approve of this morning:
+ meandering, useless meetings (I know, this is a controversial stance to take)
JACK AND DIANE UGGH. On a less angrifying JCM note, once an elderly man at Food Lion said to me “young lady, you could stop a clock!” and I ran through a gamut of emotion from confusion to suspicion to anger before I mentally flipped through my Mellencamp lyric rolodex and realized he was giving me a compliment. Because you see, ugly could stop a clock as well, theoretically – if it were possible for a person’s face to effect the internal mechanism of a timepiece at all.
I think the worst thing is that whether you are pro- or anti- “Jack and Diane,” the mere mention of it gets it STUCK IN YOUR HEAD. Or is that just me? I freaking hate that song.
I keep lip balm everywhere mostly because if I have to go more than three feet in any direction to acquire it I start feeling like I’m undersupplied.
My fingernails are always short because I play piano. Also because I tend to scratch myself if they get too long. Also because I can’t imagine typing with crazy long fingernails. Or doing anything else requiring hands, for that matter. Does anyone else here still watch Project Runway because I spent half the season wondering how the hell Helen got anything done with those pointy Elvira claws.
Yeah, I too have “Jack and Diane” stuck in my head. Which is the worst. I’m getting ready to watch that stupid Fox video, just to exorcise it. That’s how bad things are.
today’s yeses and nos right this moment
yes:
coffee
getting writing done before the day job
TOAST MEETUP, IT WAS SO GREAT, HI EVERYONE
no:
getting distracted (which should mean the toast is a No but i cannot bring myself to that)
noisy construction below
last Fernet shot coming back to haunt me
I admit to being at least partly responsible for that last no. Sorry. (Not sorry, would do again.) That bartender was such a character; so jovial in his joke cracking.
Yeah, fuck you clutch purses.
A woman I spoke with yesterday about unrelated things had such long nails! Like, each nail was as long as the finger it was attached to, and curled. As best as I could tell, these were natural nails grown to great length rather than acrylics. When I had to learn to build acrylic nails for state boards, I made horrific claws on my mannequin hands to be funny and out of despair at how bad I was at the actual task, but she grew her own, on purpose!
When I had to learn to build acrylic nails for state boards
I understand what each of these words mean individually, but when strung all together I’m baffled.
Oh, for a cosmetology license the one nail-related task you have to do on the practical exam in my state is to build and shape an acrylic nail on a fake hand, even if you never intend to do nails and just want to cut hair. Acrylics are pretty neat. You have to combine a liquid with a powder using a brush, and it’s all very science-y, because you are then allowing the resulting gel to form polymers while you push it around into shapes. I would gnaw them off like a trapped wolverine if I had to wear them, but I do think they are fun to ineptly build.
That is terrible. How did you resist snipping them off of her? I could not have resisted.
Because she would’ve clawed my face off!!! Slash, slash!
(She seemed very nice.)
I love you, but you will pry my clutch purse from my… clutched… hands !!
Is one allowed to pronounce “macaron” properly if one is actually in France?
I agree about 85% of ‘Jack and Diane’, but I like that song *entirely* for the joy of yell-singing the “SO LET IT ROCK” line. Midwesterner here so it’s occasionally nice to yell at the Bible Belt for trying to save your soul.
You know what, my fingernails are SO LONG and I love them, I love my long fingernails. I can use them as mini-tongs to pull pasta off a spoon when I’m checking to see if it’s done or to get toast out of the toaster without burning myself. They are endlessly amusing to me as a worry-stone-like object. I understand they’re probably unsanitary or whatever, but YOLO, right?
FULL
BODY
SHUDDER
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED I GUESS
Costco or BJ's for diapers, trust. You learn that after handing over an arm and a leg at CVS in the middle of the night, or on a trip.
My original high school class chose Jack and Dianne as the class song. In 2003.
It is the primary reason I am proud to have skipped a grade.
I pronounce macaron differently from macaroon because they are two different cookies and I like people to know which cookie I am referring to. (I don’t go all crazy on it though, just the vowel sound is different.) Accuracy in cookies is very important to me and I will not apologize for that.
I am so sad for you. One of the reasons that I approved our move 3 years ago was a Target upgrade.
Can someone explain lesbian separatism to me because it sounds like a thing I would be interested in.