448 Comments

  1. FionaChatwin +10

    Ugh, Toasties. I have my company Christmas party tonight and it features goddamned MURDER MYSTERY ENTERTAINMENT WITH ACTORS AT EACH TABLE and I can’t even with the anxiety this incredibly awful forced socialization/dinner theatre garbage is giving me. How am I supposed to get though this looking like a damn “team player”? I HATE THIS IDEA SO MUCH.

    1. lemonadefish +29

      Ha, that sounds terrible! The only possible way to get through it is to go all in. Go so far in that you come out the other side, and don’t know if you’re murder-mysterying ironically or not. Perhaps you could find a monocle to bring, and look through it knowingly on occasion…

      1. ArsenioB_Ham +16

        I agree with this and think you, OP, should also consider taking a leaf out of April Ludgate’s book. Wear a pill box hat, pretend to smoke a cigarette on a cigarette holder, and tell people you’re the offspring of a billionaire.

      1. FionaChatwin +3

        Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Ironically, I used to bartend at a waiters-as-actors dinner theatre, but this is not my thing AT ALL. And it’s making me capslocky.

    4. msjinxie +4

      Oh maaaaaaaaaan I am so sorry for you. Every year (or, at least, every year until our party budget was slashed to bits) our holiday party planning committee tried to plan some kind of EVENT holiday party – like a party cruise (trapped on a boat for 3 hours with my bosses – SURE SOUNDS GREAT) or a poker night or a murder mystery thing like this – and every year the idea is mercifully shelved in favor of “let’s just rent a room at a restaurant and have cocktails and snacks and no one has to spend more than an hour making awkward small talk before peacing the f out”.

    7. D_e_x +8

      Seriously, even if an organizer likes this sort of thing, how un-self-aware do they have to be to foist this onto the, oh, 99% of the population who either wouldn’t get any enjoyment out of this or would proactively hate this with the power of a gazillion burning suns? (I am in the latter group.) I think it’s the actors at the table unavoidable immersion, forced-participation thing that really grates.

      “Please join us at this year’s holiday party atop Mount Everest. It will be a cash oxygen bar and we hope that you don’t get HACE and/or freeze your limbs off, but we feel that this is an activity that every single person ever will enjoy and you are a bad person if you are not into it.”

    8. t_fer +6

      WOW. I’m super outgoing and ridiculous, but forced entertainment game-y things make me murderous. You MUST get drunk. I’m sorry. Don’t get too drunk, but definitely hit the bottle hard. You might make it if you do that.

      1. FionaChatwin +9

        You might not be wrong. I think I will be clinging to my boyfriend as a life raft in an ocean of single-malt Scotch.

        1. D_e_x +5

          I’m not trying to make a move on your boyfriend, but the ocean of single malt part sounds wonderful.

          1. FionaChatwin +7

            It’s one of the best ways to make Old White Guys impressed with you, which makes it the best choice for work events. And it tastes like rain and smoke and probably Jamie Fraser, if any of you are as into those books too.

          3. FionaChatwin +2

            I like Old White Guys equally as well as non-Olds, non-Whites, and non-Guys! The fact that they are Scotch drinkers is favourable, too.

  2. lilsebastian01 +17

    Did anyone learn any cool facts this week? I learned a cool fact! It is: the origin of the word “narwhal” is the Norse meaning “corpse whale”. Tell me your cool facts!

      1. FionaChatwin +7

        I did not! I will use this as conversational fodder at my aforementioned party. That might even make people I don’t like leave me alone.

        1. RoseCamelia +4

          Be sure to include the corpse whale. That may mercifully shorten some interactions. I am so sorry for you with this forced socializing. I hate the office party stuff. And what is with a Christmas party before Thanksgiving? Maybe you can decline to attend because you are religiously offended. Create a religion for yourself, if necessary. I would.

          1. FionaChatwin +2

            While I am on board with religion-inventing, I will mention that at least the before-Thanksgiving part doesn’t come into play. Up here in the great white North we finished with that six weeks ago.

    3. BourneApprox +7

      Apparently root beer and rum can be mixed and it is tasty and not terrible! Why did I never think of this? Gotta gather more evidence this weekend, though, mhmm.

          3. ArsenioB_Ham +5

            I can only speak to regular Dr. Pepper and rum and it is a delicious but cruel mistress. Anecdata suggests that drinking a 20 oz. Nalgene of the concoction in a 3:1 DP/rum ratio will leave you with a killer hangover that prevents you from going to your 9 am French Grammar course.

    4. msjinxie +5

      Corpse whale! How trippy. I didn’t learn any new facts BUT I did have a conversation with a friend about narwhals, more specifically how her father apparently thought they were an imaginary animal until about 6 months ago.

      2. lilsebastian01 +1

        I too thought they were fictional. They look like ocean unicorns! They’re clearly made up! But they aren’t some how.

    5. anachronistique +13

      I learned that fleece-lined leggings are the greatest thing ever if you live in a cold place.

      1. ArsenioB_Ham +2

        Whence came your fleece leggings? I would like some, but I am fairly certain that the “one size fits most” ones from Forever 21 will not fit my body.

        1. anachronistique +2

          ABOUT THAT. So I wear a 22/24 on the bottom usually, and I have a big butt and a big belly and meaty thunder thighs. These ones are from Avenue and have a really short rise from crotch to waistband, so even though they swaddled my legs in delicious fleecy comfort I would not recommend them wholeheartedly. I understand that ReDress NYC now has fleece-lined teggings that are one-size-fits-many-plus and plan to try those out, and Silkies has both tights and leggings that claim to go up to a 64″ hip: http://www.silkies.com/. But I haven’t tried those last two, so fair warning.

          1. ArsenioB_Ham +3

            Oooh, really like the Re/Dress ones. Thank you for the tips! My stubby chunk legs will be gloriously warm this winter!

      2. holihaes

        YES. I discovered fleece leggings at Walgreens last winter while picking up some hand lotion and they are the best. And they don’t do that irritating cutting into our stomach and leaving unsexy red lines thing.

    6. WanderingDancer +8

      Staying on the theme of cool etymology, I learned that the name for the genus of mosquito that causes malaria means “good-for-nothing” and the scientific name for a guinea worm infection is (loosely) derived from the Latin phrase “affliction with little dragons.”

    7. AmazingSandwich +8

      31 years of life and I just learned yesterday that elephant boobs are in the same place as human boobs! ZOOBOOKS FAILED ME.

    8. MilesofMountain +11

      I learned that while you should never run from most dangerous animals (since predators tend to have a chasing reflex) moose are an exception. They don’t have an urge to chase things that run and mostly they just want you to go away, so if you get charged, run like hell and hope you’re far enough ahead. I could have used that a few weeks ago when I ran into a grumpy bull during rut, but I guess I know for next time?

    9. racecaryaya +5

      Ooo! Gianlorenzo Bernini, sculptor of hotties, once got his servant to slash Bernini’s ex-lover across the face with a razor.

    10. elsamac +6

      brb, changing all my online profile names and/or* descriptions to “Norse corpse whale.”

      *mostly “and.” That way, my (for example) Twitter byline will read Norse Corpse Whale: a Norse corpse whale.

    2. Janie_S +1

      God, yes. Stupid awful garbage week drop it off a cliff.

      Actually, if we could fastforward to some time in January, that would be just smashing.

    4. MrsHuntingCreek

      I agree, one of the WORST weeks ever. My father passed away this morning. I am consoling myself with chocolate and the internet. He would approve.

  4. nickpavich +111

    Hey guys, thank you for joining us on this site. I can’t tell you how great you all are. This has been one of the best times of my life with Mallory and Nicole. I adore each and everyone of you and hope you will keep coming back to visit our silliness. Ok, I’m done emoting.

    3. juliamhc +31

      you are universally adored (assuming the Toast community is the entire universe, which of course it basically is.)

    4. msjinxie +16

      Awwww Law Daddy you’re going to make us cry, and we don’t like it when men make us cry. {threatening glare}
      Thank you for bankrolling this awesome site, which very quickly became one of my favorite places not just on the internet but also in the world!

    5. JocastaCarr +8

      Aw, Nick! We will keep coming back to this silliness as long as it exists on the Internet. Thank you for everything you do to bring it to us! Once a Toastie, always a Toastie.

    6. JocastaCarr +22

      (Also, hope you like being called Law Daddy because I’ve got a feeling that’s gonna stick around here for a while…)

    9. clarizard +6

      aw! maybe it was just a form email that used my name but it made me feel very special when I got an email from you for donating!

  5. lemonadefish +2

    Spent several hours last night (some of the sleeping hours, surely) listening to rain drip onto my bedroom carpet. Feeling very sad about that. Anyone want to come tuck-point my house? I’ll make you cookies!

  6. vmartinipie +5

    I only recently discovered The Joys of Port so I will happily imbibe. Who else discovered a new fun thing they are excited to explore, any sort of thing at all?

    1. jhsaxena +5

      Port is the best! It’s not recent but when I was in Spain I also discovered that there are entire bars devoted to sherry, with big barrels in the walls that they serve you from, and cheese and olives and sausage for snacks. Basically a paradise.

      2. msjinxie +2

        I have just recently discovered the joys of sherry and I look forward to learning much more about it.* We are having a soup course with our Thanksgiving meal and I decided I am going to buy a bottle of sherry to pair with it, because that just sounds so fancy, you know?

        *By “learning” I mean “drinking” obviously.

    2. MrsTeacherFace +1

      If you like sweet stuff, I love Messina Hoff’s Ivory Ports of Call, which is a white wine port, and it is DELICIOUS. They also have a red port, but I prefer white.

    4. D_e_x +2

      Since you brought up alcohol, we were out to dinner and had this French aperitif called Pineau des Charentes. (Sorry, we drink a lot and like to try different stuff; totally understand that it sounds all hoity-toity, but at $30 a bottle, it’s not very expensive as far as foreign spirits go.)

      Anyway, we’d never heard of it before and it’s not a thing that’s popular in the US. The waiter jokingly described it as: “Basically, we’re talking Hennessey and Welch’s grape juice.” Sold. (It was amber in color, though.) There is apparently an apple version that is Calvados (apple brandy or applejack here in the US) combined with apple juice.

      1. CleverManka +2

        You’re the second person I know who has experienced Pineau des Charentes. That stuff is AMAZING.

        1. toomanybicycles +1

          omg our liquor board store has some, I have a mission this weekend. My boss informs me that it is a “sipping wine” not a “guzzling wine”.

    5. the_lovecats +2

      Plum wine. I’ve taken to having a little (I imagine port-size glass) of it every now and then (then = day).

  7. allabee +12

    you GUYS I saw Hunger Games last night and it was SO good! I can’t wait to see it again!!! sadjkfhasjklfhlasdfhasdh Katniss is clearly the best but I love Peeta also okay bye.

    1. blueblazes11 +1

      But what of FINNICK? I feel based on the posters that the actor is insufficiently hot to support the description from the book. That said, I won’t see the movie until tomorrow, so I am trying to withhold judgement.

      1. allabee +2

        I found him very winsome, in a toothy kind of way! I think he translates better in movement (and from a storyline that really endears the audience to him as a character).

      2. Elizabeth W +11

        Until I am actually sitting in the theater tonight (and probably still afterwards) I will continue to proclaim my support of the Jesse Williams for Finnick movement. They can always reshoot.

        1. vintagecameos +4

          I had honestly halfway convinced myself that Jesse Williams was ACTUALLY in the movie, to the point that every time faux-Finnick appeared I was like, “Wait, who’s this supposed to be now?”

          1. Elizabeth W +3

            Because he would have been SO beyond perfect. Jesse Williams is basically walking, talking Finnick O’Dair fanart.

        2. supernintendo +4

          Mmph. That guy is FINE. I watched Cabin in the Woods recently and LOL at him playing a “nerd.”

      1. allabee +21

        He is a glorious golden retriever of a man: terrifically loyal and simple, with a handsome blond mane to boot.

      2. HotDoom +7

        duuuuude Peeta. Peeta can bake and paint for me all goddamn day. I fell in love with him more than a little bit after reading and googled “older women obsessed with Peeta Mellark” so I wouldn’t feel so fnnnaargghhmmff.

    3. lizmorr +7

      GAH! I saw it last night and it was *SO* good! I want them to remake the first one with this director please.

      Also the theater I saw it at had a salon in to do Katniss and Prim braids on people beforehand and that was the best.

    4. RoseCamelia +1

      You guys! I did not see previous installments of this movie, nor read any books. Will I regret going to see this movie with no prep? Thanks for your help.

      1. allabee +1

        I really recommend watching the first movie prior to going! I think it’s on Netflix but don’t hold me on that (??) and I think it would be a worthwhile time-investment to maximize enjoyment of this one!

    5. elldubs +2

      Is this an OK place to tell the story about the time my husband met Jennifer Lawrence back when she was on the Bill Engvall show? Yes? Ok.

      So he used to manage a recording studio in Louisville, where JLaw is from. She came in one day with her friend, who was recording a demo or something. My husband recorded the girl and Jennifer Lawrence hung out and made small talk (I guess this is where the fact that she was on the show came up). He told me about it later, and I teased him about being big-time now that he’s hanging out with TV stars. He said that she was quiet and had kind of a weird face? Now I’m just “Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE we’re talking about the same Jennifer Lawrence??” Because that does not resemble the JLaw we all know and love. He swears it is, though.

      Anyway, my love for her is unceasing.

  8. CatFoodParty +1

    Already stressing about Christmas gifts. I may do the gift card route this year (even though I feel like it’s a total cop-out) but I’m just clueless.

    1. allabee +4

      This might not be helpful, but in case it is: I’m finding Etsy useful this year! One of the site’s pitfalls (way too much stuff to sift through) is also one of its strengths: a very specific search based on a giftee’s very specific interest/quirk could yield lots of ideas. I got one of my friends a framed “Foods of 30 Rock” drawing! http://www.etsy.com/transaction/161465868

      I cannot imagine shopping for Christmas gifts in any way other than exclusively on the internet, incidentally. I’d lose my mind.

      (Also gift cards are nice! Not the most exciting thing ever but I’ve always been happy to get one, so fear not.)

        1. allabee +1

          yay!! I just got the print in the mail and it’s adorable. Completely adorable. I’m excited to give it!

    2. lemonadefish +2

      We are drawing names this year, which on the one hand seems sad, but on the other hand, I only have to buy one present! Plus another present for the in-laws’ dirty santa. Two presents! I think last year it was something like 30, so this is a big improvement. That probably doesn’t help you, I’m sorry. But maybe you could propose it for next year? Also you could just get everyone expensive chocolate bars.

      1. CatFoodParty +2

        I don’t have a big family; there are only 6 people I’m buying gifts for. I’m just clueless when it comes to buying gifts for my brother-in-law. Men that I have nothing in common with are awful to buy for πŸ™

        1. cuminafterall +1

          Food? Drink? Tickets to a thing he likes? Or do couple gifts for your siblings and their significant others. This is fully my plan if/when my siblings start pairing off with people I don’t know or like that much.

          1. daisicles +1

            I second the couple gift thing! I’ve done that a few times for my sister and her dude because she’s never entirely sure what she wants for gifts and he’s cool with whatever you give him, so sometimes it’s easier just to give them a bigger joint gift that they can use together. I’m gonna make them some food stuff this year.

            Unfortunately, I can’t do that with my brother and his ladyfriend since they live very far apart, so now I’m struggling not to go ‘generic lady gift!’ since I barely know her. Sigh.

          2. Knopesaurus +1

            I do couple gifts for my cousin and her husband (she is easy, but I have no clue what to get for him). In the past I have gotten them: a coffee grinder and fancy coffee (sub in another food product, appliance as necessary), an awesome TV show on DVD, and a “night at home” box (fancy popcorn, DVD, cozy socks, whatever).

    3. SarcasticFringehead +3

      Ooh, combine gift cards with lemonadefish’s idea – like, get everybody a fancy chocolate bar and use pretty ribbon or something to attach a gift card to it, so it’s a little bit personalized but also not actually that much work. I did that a couple years ago when I couldn’t make it home for Christmas, and it has the added bonus of being easy to ship.

    4. msjinxie +1

      I’m not stressing about gifts so much as I just cannot even DEAL right now. I don’t know why but I have this huge block about Xmas presents. Last year I convinced my roommates to skip gifts for each other because one was unemployed and the other had just bought a car, but I don’t think I’ll be able to convince them to skip it this year. Neither of them have kids on their gifting list, but I have a few I do need to get things for and I just don’t want to deal with grown up presents on top of that (especially since I’m travelling to see family for the holidays, but neither of them have that expense).
      Basically, I am excited for the holidays, but grumpy about parts of it which is what everyone else is going through this time of year, right?

      1. FrancesChances +2

        In my house, each of the roommates gets a stocking and we have a $25 dollar limit on what we can spend to fill them! It works great and it’s a lot of fun to open them up – maybe you can get you roommates behind an idea like that?

    5. TheRisottoRacket +2

      My family kind of has everything they could want, so I end up doing a combination of gift cards and making donations in people’s names, like buying a goat for a family in need via Oxfam. For mother’s day (for my mom) I donated a package that was specifically for very young mother’s in impoverished countries who needed parenting and real world education through the IRC.

      1. spring chickens +1

        that’s nice! also, if you make a donation to a high-poverty classroom in the US via donors choose.org, you not only can sometimes fund very cool things (my speciality is hermit crabs for elementary school kids!) but if your donation is large enough or the last one, the children will often write handwritten thank-yous and send them to you or the person in honor of whom you made the donation, which can be charming!

    6. greyhavens9 +1

      I have recently decided that when you don’t know what to get someone… ask them! I e-mailed my dad and brother (both notoriously hard to shop for) and said, basically, “I want to get you guys gifts you actually want this year, so tell me a few things you want and I will get you one of them!” They both gave me some great ideas that I never would have thought of, so I’m excited to shop for them instead of dreading it!

      1. WanderingDancer +5

        My family regularly circulates e-mails about what to get each other for Christmas (there is a reason parents ask their kids to write lists for Santa!).

        My dad is very much one of those people who will buy himself anything he really wants and hates nick-nacks that don’t have an obvious function. If he doesn’t give me a Christmas list, I just end up buying him another bottle of scotch. On the other hand, I then get to share that scotch with him until I go back home, so that’s not so bad.

  9. m98widow +3

    I got a Nintendo 3DS! And I downloaded Zelda as soon as I got out of bed this morning but I haven’t gotten a chance to play it yet, because work.

    My friend code is 0619-4509-9955. Come be my friend! My Animal Crossing town has peaches as its native fruit and I am currently growing some cherries. I was supposed to meet Rory last night at 8:30 so I went to his house and he wasn’t there, and then I ran into him and he was mad that I missed our hang out time – we were actually supposed to meet at my house. Which is the story of how I legitimately feel sad about letting down a fake cartoon lion who appears to be wearing an old timey bathing suit.

    Anyone else want to share their friend code?

    1. juliamhc +3

      ok i am seriously in an ongoing battle of will where i keep trying to decide if it is a good idea to get a whole new handheld gaming console just so i can continue to play pokemon, zelda, and harvest moon. IS IT WORTH IT??

      1. klemay

        A few short weeks ago, I bought a whole new handheld gaming console just so I could continue to play Pokemon and IT WAS SO WORTH IT. Like, beyond worth it. 3D battles and Pokemon evolutions would make 9 year old me have an aneurism, I swear.

        FC is 2981-6683-9432

      3. m98widow +1

        Granted, mine is only a week old, but I am pretty enchanted. Street Pass is weirdly exciting, and since I commute by train into Boston I’ve been able to pick up at least one person per day.

        Animal Crossing is adorable, Mario 3DLand is more of a successor to Mario 64/Sunshine (which I liked) rather than NSMB (which I didn’t), and I haven’t seen more of Zelda than the title screen yet but the reviews seem very favorable.

    3. vintagecameos +2

      One of the animals in my bf’s town was supposed to meet him somewhere but stood him up, and when he talked to her later she was like, “Oh tee hee, I forgot! You didn’t wait for me, did you?”

      He’s on like, month 2 of a campaign trying to get her to move out of his town. This game makes people wacky.

      I’m also pretty sure they forget all your wrongdoings after you talk to them a couple times! A couple of my guys have moved out though, and it makes me really sad. Come back to me, pixels! Come back!

      I think I added you, but we have to be on at the same time to do anything! I’ll try to remember to keep my gate open while I’m playing this weekend so you can pop over and pick some fruit, haha.

      1. m98widow +1

        Yup, I have you friended! I’ll have to open my gate as well.

        I accidentally played for two days on an old save from the game’s previous owner. I bought the game used and ended up moving into the town of the previous owner of the game as a resident and played for two days before realizing that I couldn’t become the mayor that way. I erased his game and started over but I still miss the animals from the first town, like Pietro the rainbow pinata clown ram.

    4. fadingfromday +1

      I also downloaded Zelda this morning but haven’t had a chance to play it yet since I’ve been at work, I’m looking forward to it on my train ride home tonight. My friend code is 1590-4710-3532, I haven’t been playing Animal Crossing much lately but I keep meaning to start playing it regularly again.

  10. jhsaxena +14

    Guys I am really nervous. So I do pole dancing as fitness/hobby/I like dancing and acrobatics, and tomorrow I’m auditioning for what best can be described as a recital. It’s not a competition, not a strip club, but just a performance exhibition for pole and lyra dancers. I choreographed a 2.5 minute piece, but I’ve never auditioned for anything like this before, and oh god I’m gonna slip off and fall and everyone is gonna make fun of me and never let me dance again.

    2. CleverManka +8

      You can’t do anything about the people who might make fun of you–whether you slip and fall or not–but nobody can keep you from dancing except yourself. Get out there and strut your stuff! Go, team you and never stop dancing. Ever.

    3. Marjane +4

      Good luck! I’m sure you’ll blow the socks off everyone else there.

      If it makes you feel better, I once auditioned for a competitive belly dancing team and part of our audition was 60 seconds of improvising. We weren’t even allowed to hear the music beforehand. I panicked and froze and basically bopped in place/step-touched the entire thing. But I am still alive! The worst could happen and you will continue living, most likely.

    4. elsamac +1

      This sounds incredible. I wish I could be there in person to cheer you on!

      The (few) people who would jeer were going to do that no matter what, no matter where, and you can’t bother with them. The other people, the ones who appreciate the artistry and skill and plain ol’ guts it takes to do a thing, they’re going to be wowed by you. Because you? You’re a wow-er.

  11. MrsTeacherFace +13

    Good News – I’m half way through my pregnancy (20 weeks) and tonight my husband and I are celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary! Vietnamese Chicken Curry at the restaurant where we had our reception! Delicious.

    Bad News – The same day that I found out the baby is a girl (yea!) – last Friday – I sat on and broke my friend’s rickety cheap barstool – it collapsed underneath me, and I hit the floor right on my (previously fractured, never healed, always painful) tailbone. I’ve had a huge bruise on my ass all week, and now that that is starting to heal, my tailbone hurts 10x worse than it ever did (it hurt pretty bad before), and I’m only allowed to take Tylenol to treat it because PREGNANCY. I’m going to make an appointment with a chiropractor once this bruise is gone.

    I haven’t gone to the doctor to make sure that the baby is okay because 1) I didn’t fall on her, but on my butt, 2) I haven’t had any extra pain in my abdomen or bleeding or anything and 3) I can still feel her moving around in there, but should I be more worried? She’s okay in there, right?

    Advice?

    1. lemonadefish +5

      Oh dear! I am very sorry for your butt. That doesn’t sound fun at all! I’m sure the baby is fine. Also, dirty little secret, if you’re really in a lot of pain, opiates are fine for pregnancy. Talk to your doctor. Enjoy your curry!

      1. MrsTeacherFace +1

        I called my doctor, and she was just like, “Oh, just take Tylenol!” and when I explained that Tylenol didn’t help, she offered no other suggestions. I would like some opiates please doctor. πŸ™

    2. mmejoy +7

      Could you call your nurse/doctor/midwife/wise woman and explain what happened? She’s probably going to say that everything is fine (baby is floating around in there), but it would be nice to hear a professional person say that everything is fine, right?

      1. cuminafterall +5

        Yeah, also maybe there’s a Secret Pregnancy Painkiller that’s only available by prescription? (This could just be the wish of a Never-Been-Pregnant person but it can’t hurt to ask, right?)

      2. MrsTeacherFace +2

        Called doctor, and she said that if I’m not experiencing pain or bleeding and can feel the baby move, she should be fine in there, but she was not helpful regarding pain stuff.

        1. elsamac +5

          I don’t know if you tried this, so I’ll just throw it out there: some doctors aren’t take-charge about pain management and instead wait for the patient to explicitly ask.

          Some of my useful phrases asking for pain management drugs include “I tried [X] and it didn’t help the pain; what do we try next?” and “I want you to make this as painless as possible” and “If you think opiates would be safe, let’s try them.”

          Weirdly, this is a lesson I learned at the dentist’s years ago when he waved off an assistant proffering a swab of painkilling gel, saying “She’s not a baby! She doesn’t need the baby gel!” I corrected him swiftly and sternly: “I don’t care if you think I’m a baby; I want you to do everything you can to reduce my pain.” I’ve since applied that logic quite effectively to other doctors.

          1. MrsTeacherFace +1

            I did try the, “Tylenol doesn’t work, can we try something else?” approach, but perhaps because I was speaking to the doctor through her receptionist, she was just like, “Nope, just Tylenol!” and suggested I go have my butt x-rayed if it still hurt.

          2. GigiAuLait +1

            Not to offer medical advice over the internet, yadda yadda but… have you considered consulting a chiropractor or osteopath? Adjustments are a totally pregnancy-safe treatment for falls and sprains, and tailbone issues. Disclosure: I’m a chiropractor and specialized in treating pregnant women during my internship and residency. It is true that some chiros are wacky, and I’m sorry if you run into one of those, but most are well-educated and helpful. Most osteopaths are closer to MDs than nurses, bed-side manner-wise, but they are also great at knowing what to adjust (and what to leave alone) on pregnant ladies.

            Sorry you fell and are in pain. Enjoy dinner!
            *EDIT realized you actually asked specifically for what you wanted, which is better pain meds. Hope you get access to what you need.

          3. MrsTeacherFace +1

            Chiropractor is definitely the next step. Doctor recommended a guy who works with a lot of her pregnant patients.

    3. snaxstax +23

      BABY GIRL! I mean, boys are fine, whatever, it’s not their fault, but: BABY GIRL! CONGRATULATIONS!

      1. MrsTeacherFace +12

        I’m very excited! We want to have a second one eventually, and I’m actually hoping that one will be a boy, but he will be a boy with an older sister, which is the best sort of situation for a boy I think. (I’m not at all biased, being the oldest of four, two of whom are brothers)

        1. snaxstax +8

          Oh, absolutely. Because of the inherited female-driven books, if for no other reasons, boys with older sisters are great.

    4. CatfoodHairnets +3

      I have some chronic pain issues and also fractured a bone while pregnant. I missed my Aleve terribly. My OB/GYN prescribed me Vicodin. Better for pregnancy than ibuprofen/aleve and more effective than tylenol. I only took a couple (because I had images of a baby getting high) but vicodin is pretty low key really and somehow I felt better just knowing i had it if the pain got TOO BAD. I’m sure the baby is fine. I went to get mine checked after what sounds like a similar fall and got lots of eye rolling and patronizing descriptions of how the baby was well protected etc, etc.

        1. TARDIStime +1

          It might help if you go in physically, rather than calling. Your doc may have the impression that because you called over the phone, it mustn’t be too serious. Also tylenol may be the only OTC thing your doc can recommend, and you might need a prescription for something stronger, which is not something your Dr can give through the phone.
          But if your doc still says an outright “no” and does not provide other options once you visit in person, get thee a new doc. That is bananas.

      2. Mooseketeer

        I get chronic headaches that Tylenol just does not touch. My OB told me that Ibuprofen was fine to take, just not at the end of the third trimester. I mean, I totally understand women and their doctors who decide that no risk at all is ok, but I chose to take it occasionally for my headaches until I got in the 30+ weeks.

    5. EPWordsnatcher +4

      Oh no, busted butt! Ice/heat pad your ass, if you can (know that lying on your belly is probably a wee bit difficult right now) and get your doc to get you something better! And please be careful with Tylenol (you know this already) because it’s very easy to overdose on.

      Also YAY Girl Baby TeacherFace!

    6. MameDC +5

      True story, when my mom was pregnant with me her doctor told her to stop riding (horses), but she secretly didn’t. Then she got thrown and landed in a ditch, and she was so freaked out that the doctor was going to yell at her that she didn’t tell him and didn’t take any meds despite being very bruised and in quite a lot of pain. After I was born, she got a chest x-ray for some reason, and the doctor was like DEAR GOD WOMAN, WHEN DID YOU BREAK ALL THESE RIBS?!?! Long story short, I’m fine, but every time my mom gets mad at me she brings up the pull-ups I did on her broken ribs while I was in utero.

  12. halleloujah +9

    Tonight I am FINALLY OMG FINALLY going to see The Best Man Holiday! Gonna see if we can get away with cold uncorking/drinking whole bottles of wine in the theater. I CANT WAIT TO READ MALLORYS ARTICLE RIGHT AFTER!

    1. msjinxie +5

      Pro tip – go for a screwtop wine. They are plentiful and WAY more convenient for clandestine movie theatre drinking NOT THAT I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT PERSONALLY πŸ˜€

    2. plspassthePinot +6

      I once was trying to be “the fun one” and attempted to orchestrate this exact experience (for a less amazing movie) and after the grand reveal of my secret stash from my mega purse I was told in movie-theater whisper that my friends bf is a recovering alcoholic. And I felt like a JERRRK. And kind of an alcoholic.

      All of that to say, I wish your movie-theater-drinking experience far exceeds mine and I plan to live vicariously through it.

        1. angryporcupine +1

          YES Sofia Coppola cans!! They have tiny pink straws! They say things on the side like “poetic” and “reactionary”! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

  13. Lyzz +8

    I had pretty much the crappiest birthday ever last week, as pretty much everyone forgot, and then denied my request to have dinner with me. Even my roommate.

    But then the family celebration on the weekend was pretty magical. I got an actual grown-up winter coat from my mother, and then everyone chipped in to get me tickets to The Book of Mormon in January. As well as the amazing food, and far too much wine.

    Then the roommate realized he’d completely forgotten that I existed, and gave me peace offerings of those POP doll things of Arya and Michonne and comic books that I read to show that he sometimes pays attention. He gets to live for at least a few more months. Maybe.

    Have your friends ever forgotten your birthday, and did they ever make it up to you?

    1. cuminafterall +5

      No, but I don’t have that many friends, either πŸ™

      I threw a birthday party for myself a few years ago, invited a whole bunch of people (and bought a whole bunch of booze) but only 2 people came who didn’t live in my house. That sucked. I made it up to myself by drinking lots of champagne punch and Smirnoff Ices and eating 1/3 of the cake by myself.

    2. paperbgprincess +1

      I usually plan my own birthday parties, so … not really. Maybe try organizing yours next year! Start sending out emails way in advance telling people to block off their calendars, and then they can’t forget. πŸ™‚

      1. Lyzz

        I did. Mentioned the “hey, the 13th’s mah birfday, we should all go do sushi that night! Because you love me!”, and got a bunch of responses that were yeses about a week beforehand. A week *is* way in advance for my group. Then that day, sent out the reminder for the time and restaurant, and got a good chunk of “Sorry, made other plans,” a few non-responses, and a couple of folk who asked for directions, then never even showed.

        So it was my mom, one semi-newish friend and me.

    3. FionaChatwin +2

      Not to throw my own pity party, but mine is Christmas Eve and therefore no one ever notices or cares about it. I know that feel.

      1. LeastBittern +2

        It’s long been my theory that Sagittarius/Capricorn personality descriptions are the result of a childhood where people said “Oh, I can’t come to your birthday party, I’ll be at my grandmother’s.” and “Here, I got this for your birthday AND Christmas.”

        (The birthday AND Christmas gift is the worst thing to do to a child ever. Heartless fools.)

    4. DoubtfulGuest +1

      I’m sorry to hear about the glum birthday. On a brighter note, oh my gosh, Book of Mormon!!! You’re going to have so much fun. I laughed so hard my cheeks were aching by the end of the night.

      1. Lyzz

        I’m pretty excited. I’ve been trying to go since it opened at the Orpheum, but between sold out shows, and lack of monney when there were openings, it just has not happened. And now it has!

    5. holihaes +1

      My very baby sister just turned 11 yesterday. My parents went out to pick up her birthday cake and promptly dropped it while getting it out of the car. We salvaged it but the fancy piped whipped cream details went to hell and got turned into a very “homemade” cake look. Whatever. It was cake. She was happy.
      As for me, my birthday always fell either at the very end of Dead Week or the beginning of finals week throughout college. And for my senior year, my best friend forgot to press the “send” button on the group invitation text, leading to lots of apologies and apology drinks. Also, whatever. there was alcohol. I got drunk.

    1. cuminafterall +15

      From Wikipedia: “The wine critic Karen MacNeil has compared drinking Beaujolais nouveau with eating cookie dough.”

      As if that were a bad thing

      2. msjinxie +3

        I mean, cookie dough isn’t an every day food but damn if it doesn’t hit the spot now and then.

  16. juliamhc +16

    I got my California license plates in the mail this week and my randomly assigned number is absolutely the best. it has the word COW in it and pleasingly contains only the numbers 7 and 3. I am choosing to interpret this as a symbol of the cosmic rightness and high potential of my new life here.

    I am also choosing to ignore the undeniably apocalyptic symbols of last night’s ridiculously powerful wind storm which killed two people, knocked out all the stop lights in our neighborhood, and caused our apartment to lost power for several hours. which coincided with BART service stopping for a morning because of “a mysterious computer glitch.” i was luckily swathed in blankets at home with a snuggly companion during the storm, but i hope all you other bay area toasties are safe and well!

    1. lucy_schmeeler +2

      awww the COW 7s and 3s actually made me smile IRL. Auspicious indeed! Hope the storms f off soon (I was going to say “knock it off,” but that is exactly what you DON’T want winds doing.)

  17. Doctor Jay +1

    I am a huge, huge fan of the Ficklin Vineyards 10-year port. Alas, my local grocery has stopped carrying it.

  18. meetapossum +6

    I followed up on a job interview from a few weeks ago. She says they’re still looking at candidates, but that I might be a better fit for a similar position at the museum that opens in a couple days and she passed my resume to that hiring manager. I guess that’s both a good and bad thing?

    I also hooked up with another crush last weekend, because my life is weird and stupid.

    1. CatFoodParty +1

      It is a good thing! I would see if you could find out the name of the hiring manager that she passed your resume along to… and call them!

  19. plspassthePinot +9

    Has anyone else seen the BBC detective drama The Fall? Because it is incredible for the following reasons:

    1) The entire primary working team of detectives are diverse ladies (including a woman of color, a lesbian, and a woman who’s not a size 2!)

    2) Lead detective lady is The Ultimate Empowered Female Character! She wears silk blouses w power suits! In the first episode she spots a man at a crime scene, gives him her hotel room # and bones him w/in a 6 hr period then kicks him out in the morning and ignores his subsequent dick pics! She flippantly drinks whisky in a bar (w forensic evidence bff lady who’s ALSO drinking whisky)!

    3) Even though she is a Mallory-brain child, the show is incredible and she is great at talking-down male colleagues and serial killers with thinly veiled Womens’ Studies lectures!

    4) They picked the serial killer from the show to be the male lead in 50 Shades of Grey and I am SO ick-ed out because I’m sure they looked as his misogynistic murdery-ness from this show and were like “Yeah, that dude can TOTALLY be Christian Grey.” Ew.

    1. snaxstax +9

      After watching The Fall, the only person I wanted playing Christian Grey was Gillian Anderson. Not really, she deserves much better and I could give a shit about 50 Shades, but you know what I mean. Gillian Anderson.

          1. JocastaCarr +9

            I never knew until now how much I want to experience Gillian Anderson tying someone (me) up and doing unspeakable things to them…

    2. anxious_mofo +3

      I adoooooore The Fall. I cannot wait for the next series. I liked how they shot Jamie Dornan. It seemed to me that they wanted him to be truly menacing. It was cool how the parts of his life that the viewer sees just serve to make him more monstrous, rather than more human.

      1. plspassthePinot +4

        Try Luther! Another BBC drama. Gillian Anderson is Indris Elba, and if sexy black British men are your thing, pour yourself a glass of red wine too.

      2. plspassthePinot +5

        Also, Top of the Lake which I watched in a 30 hour period and has The Most Satisfying ENDING.

        2. corfay +3

          I LOVVVVVED Top of the Lake and consumed it in a similarly bingeful fashion, So I am going to trust your judgment and check out Luther! Thanks for the recs!

      3. anxious_mofo +3

        I sort of hate recommending The Killing for various reasons, but the two leads are REAL. GOOD. and one of them is an interesting lady cop.

      1. plspassthePinot +3

        How much did you love the SCANDAL when she didnt button it completely up in the press conference? I kept expecting a wardrobe malfunction but all that happened was “minor impropriety”. I just love British TV.

  20. sednarea51 +10

    Usually my November consists of cowering under a cloud of depression and gritting my teeth until fun holiday things start to happen. This year it’s…not? Instead I am having wonderful Twitter convos with people and talking (finally) about living with chronic illness and, you know, actually getting a little enjoyment out of life instead of hunkering down and waiting for it to pass. Which is strange and incredible. I wish I knew how this was happening.

    And thank you, again, to everyone who had a kind word when I told a long involved story about Make-A-Wish on Twitter this week. I will try to pitch something(s) to the Toastessess after my final exam is over in late December. <3 you all, party people.

    1. sednarea51 +2

      In substantially less Srs Bizness news: what is the best thing to do with a small quantity of Brie?

      (Not that the consumption of excellent cheese is not serious.)

    2. AmazingSandwich +2

      This is great! February is normally my cruelest month. I’m glad your November is going swell.

    3. figwiggin +5

      It makes me happy to hear about other people doing well despite expectations. And I don’t think I’m just speaking for myself when I say that we’re all happy to cheerlead you on and that I’m looking forward to reading more of your measured, thoughtful writing on Make-A-Wish and chronic illness.

  21. NicoleCliffe +28

    Hi dudes! I’m happy you like the sponsored post for JSTOR! We won’t be allowing comments on sponsored posts to prevent any potential for disaster, but lemme tell you right now: there is one for Warby Parker coming up on Dec. 2nd that you are gonna love. Let’s just say some famous heroines have their problems fixed by fabulous, stylish eyewear.

    1. snaxstax +7

      If someone was planning to buy some Warby Parker glasses, would it be wise for her to wait and do it through said sponsored post? Or do clickthrough purchases not make a difference? Is this a stupid question? It feels a little stupid.

      1. nickpavich +6

        It would be great if you could. It’s not money in our pockets, but we would like for them to come back and do more ads. And they like clickees.

    2. Janie_S +2

      OH man I would love to get Warby Parker glasses, but my insurance-covered optometrist holds my prescription/pupillary distance/all that bs HOSTAGE. Because they don’t want me to be happy.

      1. eastcoastanne +2

        I started going to a new optometrist because of that, but then Warby Parker wouldn’t make my Rx :'(

        1. rhymeswitheight +2

          I think they wouldn’t make mine either (though I’ve never tried). My eyes are so bad that the lenses are like an inch thick (or more idk I’ve never seen them in their un-thinified form). So I have to get specially treated and condensed lenses so I don’t look terrifying and have giant windows on my face.

          My guess is Warby Parker can’t handle this type of near-blindness. But I loooove my glasses so it’s ok! (The frames were made by Eddie Bauer who even knew they made glasses! More importantly they were 50% off.)

        1. Janie_S +6

          It’s probably not, but what am I going to do? Hold them at gunpoint? Call the Optometry Police?

          1. Beakses +2

            I told my eyedoctor that I was traveling to India and really needed my prescription in case I broke my glasses and needed to have new ones made. This tactic may work better if you are actually travelling to india, though.

      3. urwelt +3

        You can have WP call and deal with them! When you get to the point in checkout when they ask for your rx, I believe there is an option to just say “call my optometrist”. I’m not totally happy with my Warby Parker glasses, but their customer service is very good, so you can contact them and ask for advice.

      4. supernintendo +2

        That does not seem… legal? I had LensCrafters fax my prescription to WP. Didn’t tell them it was WP, and I had to ask twice, but they did it. I didn’t have my pupillary distance but it’s pretty easy to figure out yourself. I have a friend who works in a glasses store and she said it’s fine to do it yourself or have a friend measure it.

        1. EPWordsnatcher +2

          HOW TIMELY I was just about to ask about WP on here. Is a glasses prescription the same as contacts? I know my contacts Rx but if I have to get something different for glasses they may have to go directly to my doc.

    3. racecaryaya +2

      Warby Parkerrrrrr

      is amazing and i spent a whole weekend with their try-on glasses going to different events it was FUN

    4. prost +11

      That was a great post, and well targeted – I did not know about JSTOR individual subscriptions, and now I do!

      One user experience note, a couple of times I’ve found myself coming to The Toast, seeing the sponsored post as the second post, and concluding there weren’t any more new posts, since I knew I’d already seen that one. I understand the decision to make it a pinned second article, but you might want some visual distinction so it doesn’t accidentally trick people into thinking the site isn’t updating much.

      1. racecaryaya +2

        Warby Parker is awesome! I got my glasses from them. Gloriously cheap and the free try on is very helpful. The only problem if their frames aren’t all that variant.

      2. Knopesaurus +1

        Both, sort of.
        WP: I’m wearing my WP glasses now! They are not my favorite, but they are nice. The home try on is super helpful. I’ll second racecaryaya’s point that the frames aren’t all that variant. I reallllly want to get a pair of Rx Sunglasses from them, but the frames I want are only for regular eyeglasses (OK, this part is just me complaining. Sorry.).

        Rivet & Sway: I only did the home try on. They glasses were really nice, I just decided to go with a WP pair. The packaging is so so pretty though. It’s ridiculous.

  22. Girl Named Jack +1

    It’s the time of year where I want to do nothing but curl up on the couch and play Skyrim. Only I loaned my 360 to a friend, and she kinda needs it more than me right now, so I am considering getting a used copy for my PS3. I heard the latest patch really helps with the “never play Bethesda games on a PS3” ish I hear so much about. Anyone have thoughts on this?

  23. blueblazes11 +12

    Today I am signing the papers to buy a house. Well, a townhouse. And I just need to say this to any of you who don’t know: BUYING A HOUSE IS A HUGE GODDAMN HASSLE.

    Just keep that in mind when you’re dreaming of owning a kitchen in order to renovate it into a state of IKEA zen organization.

    1. lemonadefish +1

      Huge hassle! But nothing compared to owning it afterwards (see above re: rain dripping on my bedroom floor all night). I hope your townhouse is all sealed up tight!

    2. Quinn_A +6

      I think I’m giving up on it, because I’m only at 30 000 words right now and I don’t like writing when my fiancee and I are both home. But it got me to 30 000 words, which is more fiction than I’ve ever written in my life, so I’m pleased with that.

    3. RubeksCube +2

      I failed so hard at it. I even switched my purpose to just writing something every day, but even that went out the window. So yeah, let’s go find some tasty hobbits and ride awesome demonic horses.

  25. anachronistique +3

    I’m going home for Thanksgiving in just over 48 hours and I said I’d go out with friends TWICE this weekend and there’s a Pinup tonight but it’s in the other end of Somerville and I have a dentist appointment to get my permanent crown put in and I haven’t even started packing and the red line is busing over the Longfellow Bridge due to the fucking repairs and I would like to do nothing more than just lie down on my office floor and scream into the carpet for a while.

    1. anachronistique +8

      wow, anachronistique, your life is so tough. IT’S SO HARD BEING ATTRACTIVE AND POPULAR

  26. AnonForNow +7

    { I’m a regular commentor, but going anon with this for security reasons.}

    Ok, having a few roommate issues, and don’t know if I’m being gaslit about them. Roommate thinks I’m being unreasonable/silly/neurotic. Are the following things reasonable to get upset or object to:
    1) Not locking doors and/or windows when leaving the house. Repeatedly, daily.
    2) Using my personal property without asking (everything from using up my printer ink to makeup to food)
    3) Being messy in a way that makes my life a misery. Unable to fix food for days on end, because all of the dishes are dirty, sink is overflowing, etc. and I’m not cleaning up her mess. Spilling bottles of honey in TWO different cabinets and the counter, leaving it there, then not cleaning it even when we get invaded by ants.

    There’s more, but this is just for illustrative purposes. To me, the security thing is a deal-breaker. This is my house, my home, and I rent out a room. I’m not ok risking the safety of my pets, home and person because of someone’s carelessness. And yes, all of these topics were covered before she moved in (well, not the door-locking, specifically, because who doesn’t do this?).

    I’ve requested, discussed and reasoned. The problems are still there. I think it’s ultimatum time.

    1. Girl Named Jack +12

      I think it sounds like ultimatum time, too. Give ’em the heave-ho, I say.

      If you absolutely feel the need to give the roomie one more chance, I would suggest that instead of making general requests (“please clean up after yourself”) that you casually, but firmly, make specific requests (“Hey, I need the sink tonight so if you could do your dishes by 5:00 that would be great”). Keep your voice as neutral as you can. I say this as someone who has overcome a lot of deeply ingrained bad habits in the housekeeping arena. I knew what I was doing was wrong/gross, but if someone tried to “discuss” it with me in general terms I would get super defensive. (NOTE: I have since seen the light, and am now not gross/inconsiderate.)

      No clue about the locking thing, though. That sounds like a dealbreaker to me. HEAVE-HO!

      1. AnonForNow +1

        I’m a pretty good communicator, so while I started out general and mild, I’ve become much more direct and firm (but nice, I swear). It’ll work for a day, then back to the same pattern. This week was the final straw. Windows wide open, when I know she’d been gone for hours. An unusable kitchen for days, finding entirely too many of my belongings in her room, and supplies used up by someone that is not-me.

    2. ArsenioB_Ham +10

      That entire list is ridiculous and you do not need to put up with that ish. As absurd as it might be, I think keeping a set of dishes in your room (which you should keep locked), along with any other possessions you do not want used by the household, is perfectly legitimate and a reasonable response to someone who refuses to respect your boundaries.

      And the door locking thing, UGH. Super scary and unacceptable. Maybe remind your roommate(s) of the serial killer Richard Chase, who based his choice of victims on whether or not the person’s door was locked <a href=”http://(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Chase)” target=”_blank”>(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Chase).

      *EDIT* Just reread and realized YOU own the house. Forget what I said about locking up your stuff, kick this fool out! Sadly, you might have to give a certain amount of notice, though, based on your area’s tenant laws.

      1. AnonForNow

        To be fair (or a sucker), she’s a baby, a fresh 21 year old, still in college, and I don’t think she’s ever had a non-dorm roommate, and had a shite home life growing up. As in, there are things that many people just learn by example as a kid, but she didn’t have any decent role models. It happens a lot with people with from not-stable upbringing, foster kids, etc. I was trying to give her some slack, if she put in the effort to change, but it’s not happening, and I just don’t have the energy any more. It’s been 6 months.

        1. WanderingDancer +9

          6 months is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to wait for her to at least work toward a change. If her progression is downhill, not uphill, and she’s making your life miserable in your own home, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to want her out

        2. Marjane +5

          That is really sad, but it’s not your job to house train her. If you’ve been explicit with her about what needs to change and she isn’t stepping up, it’s consequence time. That’ll learn her faster than you giving her housekeeping 101 lessons.

          1. msjinxie +5

            And if even it it WERE Anon’s job to train her, which it’s most decidedly not as you pointed out, she’s been “in training” for 6 months which is plenty of time to learn that you lock the damn door when you leave the house.

    3. plspassthePinot +15

      Grrrrrrl I was done w using make up and then you got to spilled honey and WHY IS THIS LADY IN YOUR HOUSE? *Que Beyonce “To the left, to the left…”*

    4. Janie_S +6

      I have to put up with grossness from my roommates because I am the subletter and they are the primary lease-holders. It sounds like you are in the opposite situation. Also that not locking doors thing is completely appalling. KICK HER OUT. Find a responsible, clean person to rent the room.

    6. snaxstax +11

      It sounds like you might be past the ultimatum stage: even if you do give her a come-to-Jesus talk and she shapes up, there’s probably going to be so much resentment on both sides that it might be less painful and drawn out just to say “Look, this isn’t working; our habits/lifestyles are incompatible,” and give her whatever notice you’re required to.

      1. AnonForNow +5

        Good point. By law I’m only required to give her 2 weeks, but I’d feel like a bit of an ass to kick her out during finals, just before xmas. But, I also don’t to be an easy target for the increased home burglaries that occur during the holidays.

    7. newglasses +10

      Even if there were no other problems, the not locking doors/windows would be enough for ultimatums. ultimata (whichever you prefer). There is nowhere in the world where it is totally safe to leave your door/window unlocked. There are places where it is more safe or less safe, but none that are totally safe.

      Where I live is somewhere in the middle, and I will even leave my main door open with the screen door hooked, if I’m awake and in the main room. I’ve had people try to walk in under the assumption that anyone willing to leave their main door open would be foolish enough to leave the screen door unlocked. The blustering non-explanations of why they were trying to do that always left me unimpressed. And there’s plenty of stories of people who lived in quiet places, with unlocked doors, who wound up in bad situations because of that. It’s a low risk, but a risk not worth taking, since locking a door is not that big a deal.

      The personal property thing would be next on my list; the unbearably messy would be the least of the issues–my experience with that was that I gritted my teeth and ignored the messy dishes, washed and cleaned and packed my own dishes away, and waited the roommate out. But there were reasons I was willing to do that, which probably don’t apply here. But no, you are not being unreasonable or neurotic.

      The locking the door thing, not negotiable, nope, nope, nope.

    9. Lyzz +4

      I was done by “Using my stuff without permission.” That’s a big ole NOPE right there. Especially the makeup. That’s how you get pinkeye. and NOPE.

    10. supernintendo +2

      These are just too many issues. #s 1 and 2 by themselves would be deal-breakers for me. This is your home, and you’ve given her many chances. Give her as much notice as you can and let her know she needs to find a new situation. You can’t be jeopardizing your own safety like that. I’m sure there are many other people out there who would love to rent your room who would respect your things and lock the damn door.

    1. Janie_S +10

      YOU ARE RIGHT.

      “Oh, true love is what creepy old men find with super young assistants and housekeepers! That’s not gross at all!”

      (No, it doesn’t matter that one of the creepy old men is Mr. Darcy.)

    3. snaxstax +17

      A couple years ago, my friend had a [wine-soaked] cookie decorating and Love Actually watching party, and I ended up [wine-soakedly] yelling at the screen for most of the movie while everyone else ate frosting and stared at me in horror.

      1. hawthorn_tree +3

        You sound like my people. I would give you wine and cookies and tell off terrible movies with you anytime.

    5. emily_white +6

      I started out really enjoying Love Actually, but it gets worse every time I watch it. By the third time or so, I said this out loud and got accused of ruining fun forever.

      I am willing to watch the Joni Mitchell scene on repeat forever, though, as I feel all the feelings.

    7. deleted2997279 +1

      THE WORSSTTTTTT

      I used to love that movie and watch it every holiday with Mr. Polka Dots, but then suddenly realized I was sitting there thinking “iiiiiiiick” through the whole thing and now I refuse to watch it. We had a couple rough years when he’d tentatively suggest it and I’d shoot him down but I think he’s come to (a disappointed) peace with it.

  28. ArsenioB_Ham +14

    Guys, I made cookies (chocolate chip/M&M) yesterday and substituted bananas for eggs because we are out of eggs and they came out BETTER THAN NORMAL COOKIES. What sorcery is this?

    2. gojetta +2

      I make a banana walnut chocolate chip cookie from my Martha Stewart cookie cookbook, and they are awesome (although I’m pretty sure they also contain eggs). Make sure you eat them up though; the spongy banana texture gets weird and sticky within a couple of days.

      1. ArsenioB_Ham +8

        Kabbalah Monster bless you for thinking that a batch of cookies lasts more than a couple days in my home.

    3. GigiAuLait +1

      Doesn’t work for regular butter cookies, but subbing yogurt for eggs in chocolate chip or oatmeal cookies gives a great texture, and a kind of sourdough awesomeness.

  29. ohmygoshyouguys +1

    Tomorrow I’m flying for the first time in a couple years, and all of my travel anxieties are returning. I’m a fully competent, grown woman, but traveling alone (especially in airports) makes me a ball of nerves. I’m fine once I’m actually IN the plane. But everything up to that point makes me feel like Bill Murray in What About Bob? Baby steps through the airport.

    Is anyone else anxious in airports?

    1. klemay +2

      Traveling makes me very anxious, so you are not alone! Airports are big and security is annoying and it can all be kind of overwhelming. What helps me is to think about how there are some people who fly as part of their commute, whether it be daily or weekly or whatever. If they can do it on a super regular basis, I can do it every once in a while. The other secret is to give yourself lots of time – more time that you ever think you’ll need. That way, the worst case scenario is you get through security 2hrs before your flight and you can have a drink/tea/snack while reading and waiting to board. Good luck!

      1. juliamhc +2

        Ugh I can relate so much – the security part is always an ordeal for me, especially the hold your hands over your head and spread your legs for the full-body scanner part, which is a trigger for all of my anxieties. I agree about giving yourself a lot of extra time, it definitely helps to have time to sit down and breathe deep and allow yourself to recover a little bit without having to worry about running to your gate.

        Be strong! Also, i hope it is something/somewhere amazing that is motivating you to fly again, and that your travels live up to all your hopes and expectations.

        1. ohmygoshyouguys

          I’m leaving plenty of time for going through security and potential TSA hassling. But yes, at the end I get to see my brother’s family, including my nephew, who started walking today. πŸ™‚

        2. RoseCamelia +2

          I always make them do a pat down. I politely say I don’t want to go through that imaging machine and some TSA woman then politely gropes me. I feel more in control. I can say Stop at any point and when its over, my body and I are released. It gives me the creeps to think of leaving behind my physical image stored in that machine. And I would feel so vulnerable, like you, with my hands over my head while it did its scanning. So am I weird (if so, I’m OK with with that) for preferring a professional groping to being scanned, or are there others like me?

          1. juliamhc +1

            that is a very very good point about feeling more in control. i have never attempted the physical pat down, because i tend to not like physical contact from strangers very much, especially of that sort, but it may be the lesser of two evils. also one time last year i went through the scanner AND THEN they made me get the pat down, for no discernible reason, which was like two explosive freakouts combined into one. now i think i might actually try the pat down went I do my Thanksgiving travels next week. Thank you for the advice!

    2. spring chickens +3

      i get mad on a fairly regular basis in airport security lines and have to hide it, which in practice is almost the same thing. it helps to do yoga a few hours beforehand, or take a pill if such things are available to you, or have a single glass of wine to take the edge off. Deep breaths. Sense of humor. Extra time for security. It also helps me a lot to look TSA agents in the eye and smile and do some low-key easy quick small talk with them, because it defuses the situation a little and makes them more likely to treat you as an individual human person; ideally everyone ends up feeling better, them too.

    3. SmrtCookie +4

      This is very silly but the first few times I traveled by myself I dressed like I was going on a Very Important business trip. I was traveling for fun, not work, but looking like I’m a person who frequently travels alone somehow took the pressure off.

    4. supernintendo +2

      I’m terribly afraid of flying, so, yes! Pills can help, but retail therapy can also help. If I’m stuck in an airport or train station I will treat myself to some piece of garbage I would never normally spend money on, like an US magazine or an Auntie Anne’s pretzel. It gives you something to look forward to about the experience.

    5. MilesofMountain +1

      Oh god yes, I am a whiny bundle of nerves up until the point when my butt is in the seat. It’s gotten a bit better since I started doing it regularly for work, but it is still terrible.

    6. GigiAuLait +1

      This entire thread is full of so many great tips. My travel anxiety has gotten so bad lately that the grumpy unreasonable-ness starts as I leave the house on the way to the airport. Totally going to be dressing like a Very Important Business traveler and giving myself plenty of extra time and buying something.

      Drinking stopped working after 9/11, but I do like a few drops of Rescue Remedy just before takeoff (placebo? valarian root?)

  30. YLemonnier +6

    So, JFK was a sociopath, right? That’s kind of my take-away from, well, almost everything written about him.

    1. NicoleCliffe +30

      I think Joe, Sr. was a sociopath, and JFK was like one of the no-eyed dolls from Coraline.

      1. ArsenioB_Ham +6

        1.) Agree about Joe, Sr. and JFK No-Eyes.
        2.) Am I really bad person if I have a fondness for Teddy? I mean, I’ve lived in MA my whole life up until 18 months ago and I was born way after the Chappaquiddick incident and so have only known him during his excellent elder statesman and tragic death stages. But when I read about Chappaquiddick, I’m like, Oh no, actually he is the worst, whatever he did later to pass the ADA and protect the mentally ill. He was 37, for chrissakes, not a baby teenager or anything. So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m guiltily ambivalent about Ted Kennedy.

      2. toomanybicycles +4

        Oh man. You should look up what they did to Rosemary Kennedy. You will hate Joe Sr for the rest of your life.

        1. sandwichharlot +2

          God, poor Rosemary. Basically fuck everybody who was involved in encouraging all those unnecessary lobotomies.

    2. deleted2997279 +4

      I am sooo sick of hearing about the Kennedys, in both a “is today over yet” kind of way and a “they are overall a bunch of really awful people who did some good things but also killed a surprisingly large number of young women for one family can we stop idolizing them” kind of way.

      (maybe it’s unfair to lump the skakels in with them, but I DID SO THERE).

    3. Sugar&Snails

      I just read Profiles in Courage and was so baffled by it. I couldn’t tell if he was already hard politicking or if he was serious. He said up front that he wasn’t saying any of the positions the Senators (that he was praising for their courage) took as right or wrong, just that they were courageously held. But that feels like a kinda disingenuous to me?

      For instance! One of his examples of political courage is a Senator valiantly voting to let Jefferson Davis keep his Mexican War pension even after he’d, you know, led a giant rebellion against the country resulting in the deaths of millions.

      …so how much of it was political, do you think? Was that (and the many similar examples) an attempt to signal that he wasn’t a dyed-in-the-wool Yankee? Was this a branding thing? (My buzzword will be: courage.) The whole pulled-a-guy-to-shore-with-his-teeth thing also leads me to believe he was a brave man, though.

      Many words to say, I do not know quite what to think but he seems pretty weaselly to me.

  31. clarizard +10

    Hi! Never posted on the open thread before. Y’all are lovely. My sister and I live in the same city and are almost ten years apart (me being the baby) and it has taken awhile for us to have a strong relationship, but we DO now and it’s AMAZING and she is having a baby and last night we cursed a lot and laughed a lot and then she started feeling the baby fluttering for the first time ANNNNND I took the whole week off for thanksgiving so SEE YOU LATA SUCKAS (at this job, not you guys). Also she had a terrifying 3-D scan of the baby that makes it look like the Mummy and also we speculated that it has my nose.

    1. cuminafterall +7

      Ahhh this is the relationship I want to have with my 10-years-younger sister!! Now that the Jonas Brothers have broken up (they’ve been her life’s obsession up to this point) I think we have a fighting chance.

      1. clarizard +1

        It’s possible! Not quite sure how it happened but it’s been a slow alchemy and I think we are both very grateful for it now.

    2. MrsTeacherFace +1

      3-D baby scans are so creepy. I’m not sure I want one, but I do kind of, but the picture my doctor gave me of my 20 month old in-utero baby looking at the camera was scary enough to make me even more hesitant. EVIL SPACE BABY!

      1. clarizard +1

        As this particular baby’s aunt I was both kinda thrilled and kinda EEEEEEK that looks like a monster. Particularly the eye socket/ eye situation. Shivers.

  32. figwiggin +13

    I wasted the beginning half of this week feeling depressed and anxious, partially because of The Toast. Which sounds terrible, but I love the smart and inspiring (and dark and hilarious) articles and comments around here so much, and my self-esteem has taken a dive recently which meant I spent three bad days comparing myself to all the clever, talented folks who contribute to this site and feeling like I’ll never measure up. Fortunately, the whims of my brain problems have been blowing a different direction the past two days and I don’t feel that way currently, which is nice! I just really want my head to cut this shit out because it’s not cute and it doesn’t win me any friends.

    1. NicoleCliffe +7

      Oh, fig, that sucksss. I was depressed for no reason at the beginning of this week, too, and knowing it’s not rooted in anything doesn’t help, though it should, logically.

    2. Marjane +14

      This is probably super unhelpful, but fyi I’ve often been intimidated by your hilarious and insightful comments, both here and at the ‘Pin. I think in general people are often so much cooler and smarter than they give themselves credit for!

    3. rhetconfidential +3

      I feel you. Are you a writer? Capitalize on your strengths… I don’t think I have it in me to be as humorous and imaginative as the folks on here either, but that’s okay. I do serious and dejected really well, so I have that going for me. In fact, you may have the beginnings for an article right here already! I’d read it. Use what ya got.

    4. AmazingSandwich +9

      Yeah, since finding this site I have been simultaneously super excited about being A Writer again and convinced I am badawfulstupid and incapable of it.

    5. anxious_mofo +14

      Figgy! May I call you Figgy? Please know that I really enjoy your blog, your haircut, your comments, your glasses, and your general you-ness.

    6. vmartinipie +7

      *hugs you from across the bay* *unless you don’t feel like being hugged in which case i will just mime a hug*

    7. anachronistique +5

      Does it help at all if I tell you your presence on Twitter makes me incredibly happy and that your compliments on my outfit pictures made my days? <333 Brains are junk.

    8. juliamhc +6

      oh girl, i know that exact head trip. I can tell from your comments and the brief second i met you at the toast meetup that you are clever and good, and i am a very good judge of character.

    9. RoseCamelia +7

      To quote the Bloggess: Depression Lies. And my personal experience supports that assertion. Do not believe the bad things your brain comes up with. They are lies. You will feel better. Promise. We Toasties love you just the way you are.

  33. beatrizcentury +7

    echoing sentiments of this week (maybe year??) could maybe burn to the ground, i had to put an old cat friend down two nights ago and I don’t know but it was a rough two days at work. things come and threes and what not, but i would like it if no one else I loved unconditionally died this year (long, long, long year). maybe not for a few years?

    but tonight I’m going to go see Metric in Milwaukee which will be my second time doing this and I would really really like to try and find Emily Haines and Joshua Winstead (knucklebites for both) and just thank them for everything. Also hopefully hear Live It Out all sad and slow like last time.

    1. Marjane +1

      Ohhhh, damn. So sorry about your cat friend. Grief is the worst, and missing your dear companion is so tough. Take care of yourself. Sending out longevity vibes to your other loved ones.

        1. ArsenioB_Ham +2

          I had to put my dog down 18 months ago and I still miss her daily and cry at least once a month when something reminds me of her. Solidarity, my friend. Especially on the unconditional love bit; that’s the hardest part of it, especially when you have to make the agonizing (but usually best-for-all-involved) decision of euthanasia. Sending you Internet hugs and warm thoughts.

  34. miprisci +14

    Moved into San Diego apartment last night!!! Well, sort of. Got the keys and moved some boxes in; spending the first night there tonight. It’s so nice! Well, comparative to my apartment in DC! And it’s 2 miles from the bay!

    1. Janie_S +1

      The worldwide simulcast means I’m going to be watching at, like noon tomorrow. I am very OK with that.

    2. Elizabeth W +8

      I AM SO NERVOUS. And so distrustful of Moffat, especially his handling of Rose, one of my TOP TEN characters OF ALL TIME. But I’ve also been rewatching series 1 and 2 this week and GOSH I miss Ten and I’m so excited to see him again and just curl up in that feeling.

      3. SarcasticFringehead +6

        Those are EXACTLY my feelings. Because even the things that I like about Moffat are starting to grate on me because he just keeps revisiting the same three or four wells, plus there are all the things that I have problems with (for instance: three women in the last two seasons whose lives have been built entirely around and for the Doctor! That is fucked-up!). But I just get so excited seeing the promos with David Tennant’s “huh, I guess this is happening now” face.

        1. Elizabeth W +7

          Exactly! And Moffat has never exactly cared for her (or anything from the Davies era really, he kind of rebuilt the world in a lot of ways rather than building off of it) and I don’t trust him to do her right.

          And the thing is, with the revisiting past series, I’m reminded again of just how GREAT she was. So smart and capable and resilient and compassionate and occasionally, perfectly, blundering. I loved her so very much and I don’t want to see any of that messed with.

        2. angryporcupine +6

          I just got caught up on this past season a few days ago and when I found out that Clara’s only purpose is to die saving the Doctor over and over and over again I wanted to get on a plane to England and punch Moffat in the face. BUT I am so excited to see Matt Smith and David Tennant onscreen together tomorrow and I am going to wear a bowtie and my friend is wearing a fez and I will probably bring my sonic screwdriver that lights up and makes noise. Whee!

      4. krcoyle +3

        I am also worried on behalf of Rose, Sweet Angel and Human Goddess. But ALSO I’M SO EXCITED. But also I’m so worried.

      1. SarcasticFringehead +1

        I enjoyed how he probably could have used all the BBC’s tech resources to create a presentation that was super science fiction-y with all kinds of fancy graphics and whatever, and he instead decided to go with an overhead projector.

    4. tubatoothpaste +2

      I JUST forked out extra money to my cable company so I can get BBCAmerica and watch it live!! Questionable life choice, probably, but oh well.

      Also, yes to all the happy David Tennant feelings!

  36. abyssiniahenry +4

    If anybody would like to share their ovarian cyst stories with me, that’d be cool. I had an ovarian cyst the size of a melon removed in emergency surgery nine years ago, after zero symptoms (including the failure of my thin body to even remotely suggest that there was a melon-sized intruder in there). I have always worried about this happening again. Now my menstrual cycle is misbehaving and I got a quick ultrasound on Monday from a doctor who didn’t have time yet for a proper consultation, and it would appear that something is there, but I have to wait until 4 December for a proper appointment.

    I have decided, on balance, that most people have far less dramatic ovarian cyst experiences than my previous one, and so if that’s what’s going on, it will probably be fine. Though also I have no insurance. So.

    1. JocastaCarr +4

      I had ovarian cysts a few years ago (though none as big as a melon, yikes!), and while the pain was so bad it sent me to the ER a couple of times, they never did anything other than give me pain killers (albeit heavy duty ones), once they’d figured out what it was. As I understand it, most of the time the cysts just burst and the fluid harmlessly dissipates in your body (sounds gross, I know). So assuming you’re not dealing with another melon, and assuming my story is fairly typical, which I think it is, you will be fine! Hope you can get the care you need, whatever your situation turns out to be.

      1. abyssiniahenry +1

        This is totally reassuring! Obvs pain is not fun but avoiding surgery (which I even feel pretty blasΓ© about; it’s just MONEY) is my main concern. Thank you!

  37. hurdyburdy +12

    First FOT Coding Circle thread!

    for (i=1;i<0;i+1) {
    echo(” πŸ˜€ ;”);
    }

    the loop is infinite because so is my joy

    1. hurdyburdy +3

      And that comment already gives me a question to ask: how can I get HTML hex/decimal codes working in The Toast comments? I was trying to get the plus sign to work for i(plus)(plus) in the for loop, and I tried the hex code + and the decimal code + and neither seemed to work.

  38. AmazingSandwich +17

    I would like to thank The Toast for getting me interested in literature again. I spent a decade immersed in non-fiction (it was for a good reason) and had forgotten it was possible to read things just to enjoy the words.

  39. ach_so +15

    Guys, I have a long-distance-friend-with-benefits (yep it sounds complicated because it is), and he is inept at sexting! Yesterday he said to me, “I look forward to plowing your fields again.” hahahaha HELP. The boy can write a beautiful sentence, I think that maybe he’s just not 100% comfortable with his sexuality?

    Also, I think he is more serious about this than I am. He told me he was playing wingman for a friend last weekend, then said that he didn’t want me to get the wrong idea. There is no wrong idea, in my mind– if he meets some cute girl, he should date/have sex with/whatever her. How can I convey this without coming across as cavalier about emotions?

    2. SmrtCookie +3

      Are we long-distance-friends-with-benefits-ing the same person? Regarding sexting I recommend positive reinforcement and practice. I think as far as making sure you’re on the same page, the next time he gets weird about going out with a friend or whatever it’s totally okay to say what you posted. Maybe add in that you like him a lot and would like to continue the sexting but you realize as a couple you don’t have long-term (or any-term) potential and you don’t want to stand between him and dating/sexing/whatever someone that would make him happy. Or something similar but less cheesy.

    3. EPWordsnatcher +2

      Oh my god that is the best sext-based awkwardness ever. Send him some good examples of dirty talk and tell him to study up.

  40. Marjane

    Y’all. Tips for going through break-up hell? Anyone want to commiserate?

    Oh, and good idea/bad idea:

    I started writing a letter to him just as a means of helping myself process our break up, and it’s been very therapeutic to me. Although part of it describes the effects of some of his actions on me, it isn’t an angry “fuck you” letter, just an honest description of things I felt or experienced throughout our relationship and the impact it all had on me while we were together. I didn’t intend to send it, but now I’m kiiind of considering it? It does feel like real unfinished business, basically the stuff we should’ve talked about while we were together and only now have the courage to be honest about. Buuuut, I worry about breaking the no-contact thing and I worry that having more contact with him right now could be regressive for me instead of helpful. In the three weeks since we split, we’ve met once to discuss the details of our failed relationship, and it was honestly quite helpful for me. We did split amicably and we both agreed that the other could get in touch at any point if necessary to help process the relationship/split. But y’know, moving ahead, etc. Should I?

    1. beatrizcentury +14

      do not send. not because you’re saying things that aren’t true or that could help you both process, but i did the same thing a few years ago and realized that writing it for myself revealed all these things i needed to know. i think maybe you think if they read it, they’ll change or be better or things will be better?

      try and help you. make it all about you. and in a time that isn’t now you’ll read the letter and know why you didn’t send it. my seven cents.

      1. Marjane +1

        Yeah, this is a big worry for me. I don’t want to slip into “Oooh maybe we can start fixing our relationship”. And to be honest, that feeling just makes me miserable because it isn’t going to happen, no matter how much I want it to. I think I would potentially send it only if I knew I was clear of those feelings, but how do you ever really know? So yeah. Thanks for your pennies, friend.

        1. beatrizcentury +1

          you got this. breakups, even (or maybe especially) the amicable, I don’t know, are really crazy. keep an eye out for yourself and wine forever (or whatever non-alk beverage of your choosing.)

    3. Prawns +4

      Write this version for you, and a second version for the things he really needs to know if there are things he really needs to know.

      I get that there are things you want to say to him, but no matter how amicable the break-up, baring your soul to an ex probably will not produce the effect you want.

      Also, letters can function as bombs, especially if that’s not how you conducted your relationship to begin with. Like, you can never get back that piece of paper, or that email once you send it.

    4. krcoyle +6

      Do not send the letter. It might be extremely therapeutic for you, but you have no idea how destructive it could be for him.

      1. Marjane

        True. I had thought about asking him beforehand if he’s interested in hearing what I have to say, and because of our aforementioned agreement to discuss if necessary, I suspect he would be open to it. Buuuut….I don’t know. If it’s helpful to me, that’s enough, right?

    5. clarizard +2

      joining the chorus. I just found a saved file on my computer of an old post-breakup letter email this past week. it sort of made me smile! I was super happy I didn’t send it and super happy that now if I saw him I could just say hello and not feel all the churning tumultuous stuff I wrote that (wine fueled) night.

    8. sandwichharlot +3

      oh gosh don’t send. when my bf and i broke up years and years ago, i wrote him this incredibly long, agonized letter on really expensive paper and i gave it to him when we exchanged our stuff. and almost immediately after that i watched the episode of friends where rachel writes ross an incredibly long letter about their breakup (18 pages! FRONT AND BACK!) and i was incredibly embarrassed for myself. aaaaand then we got back together, and i don’t know if he still has it, but if i ever find it in his stuff, i will probably combust in horror.

      so. don’t. buy a breakup journal and write your things in that.

    9. Beakses +1

      Do not send. Burn it with fire- more cathartic and fewer consequences (as long as you don’t accidentally light your house on fire.)

    10. lanocciola

      I have nothing to add to the other comments but I wish I had been/am able to stop the email and text versions of your letter. Because it’s not helping anything. But I love him! We can fix it! Wah wah. More wine…

  41. pawnee_goddess

    Oh hey all. Do any of you have any tips for working (or, more precisely, socializing) in a job that’s not in your first language? While I am obviously competent enough to have been hired and be doing my work entirely in French, I am finding it lonely and hard to socialize with ease. My self-consciousness increases, and small talk and chat seem impossible.

    Am I just psyching myself out?

    1. WanderingDancer +2

      For the socializing bit, when I was living in France, I found it was easiest to get to know people if I went to slightly more organized activities than just going to a bar for drinks. I got to meet people and get to know them a bit without having to hold a scintillating conversation right off the bat. This was especially nice if my brain was already tired from using complicated professional French all day and wasn’t really ready to deal with new-to-me idioms. Then, once I met people at those events (usually dances for me, but they could be a sports team or a class, too) I started meeting up with them outside of those activities, and my social circle grew from there.

      Living in a new place can feel isolating in and of itself, and having to deal with language issues on top of that can make it even worse. I’m sending you all of the good vibes from America, though!

      1. pawnee_goddess

        Ah, thanks! The thing is, I’m not living in a new place! I’m in a very english-speaking city, working in a very niche french-speaking office. So it’s a bit strange! I have friends outside of work, but I’ve been working here a while and haven’t become friendly with anyone at work. So maybe my question is more like, how do you make friends at work?

    2. Faintly_Macabre +2

      I had similar problems at work when I was living in France, despite speaking French well. I tend to be the person who thinks carefully about what to say before giving my input, so that plus the language barrier meant that I was always a beat behind the conversation and I rarely spoke. And then when I did, it was such an event and I felt a lot of pressure to sound like I could keep up. It’s hard! I asked a ton of questions about work and our workplace to start conversations, but that may have made me look like an idiot…

  42. rhetconfidential +3

    My period has become obnoxiously regular, down to the hour. I consider this a win, except for the fact that I regularly PMS for 2 weeks beforehand.

      1. rhetconfidential +2

        Ugggh. How old are you? I am 26, and mine was not even regular until this year. Regularly sucktastic. I wonder if this evens out as you age… I am a late bloomer on everything.

        1. plspassthePinot +2

          28 and although its been regular for a few yrs this nonstop awareness of cycle / constant hormone party is a new thing. #DoNotLike.

  43. no_blues +3

    Hey, thanks to everyone who recommended Chicago stuff to me a few weeks ago! We ate a lot of Mexican food and had delicious booze at Longman & Eagle. Have saved all the stuff we didn’t get to in an e-mail for our next trip back!

  44. ivyalamb +5

    I just want to thank The Toast for inspiring me to read Middlemarch again. I was not ready to appreciate this book in college but now I can’t put it down.

    2. Janie_S +3

      I am reading Middlemarch too, though I was convinced I would not like it. It is surprisingly engaging.

    3. SmrtCookie +2

      Middlemarch is at the library waiting for me right now! I also finally got off the waitlist for Fangirl and blew through it in 2 evenings.

    4. ivyalamb +3

      I made it maybe halfway through when it was assigned reading in an undergrad Brit Lit survey. Couldn’t make it through, found it a tad dry. Now, though, I’m loving it. Still trying to put my finger on why …

  45. Prawns +10

    My open marriage is going great!

    After the rocky start with the younger guy who “isn’t used to condoms” who 2 days after that statement, met and fell in love with a girl whilst “being destructive”, I feel better about actually dating people who are also looking for multiple relationships. Too many things about that raise either red or yellow flags that I just ignored. Super hotness shouldn’t out-weigh the fact that I hate all of his favorite books and movies and he needed to smoke pot constantly…

    Now, I am going on dates from the internet with a guy who is also married and actually speaks the same relationship language I do. And, I’m about to go on my first ever date with a woman, which I am super excited about. She is a super book nerd!

    And, my husband is really excited for all of these new relationships, too. I feel weirdly closer to him than I did before I was actually acting on the open part of our relationship. I think we are going to try to go to the Poly Meetup group here, soon. He hasn’t had any luck with internet dating like I have, and I really don’t want him to be left out of outside adventures.

      1. Prawns +5

        Which part?!
        A) Dumbass serial-monogamist I kicked to the curb
        B) Internet married man who looks like a potato-bird
        C) Gender-queer lady book-nerd
        D) 7 weeks husband

    2. FionaChatwin +2

      Good for you. One of my best friends did that and, even though her marriage didn’t work out (unrelated), she has met so many awesome people in that community (which is more cool friends for us too.) Hope it keeps being awesome for you too!

    3. Lyesmith +5

      Oh my god. “Isn’t used to condoms” spells trouble (in capital letters, on fire) a mile away. Bullet dodged!

  46. corfay +2

    GUYS what are your thoughts on chiropractors. I went to one earlier this week and she said I have scoliosis? and I told my mom and my mom (a medical professional) was like, “oh brother, they ALWAYS say that.” Crock of shit or not?

    1. RubeksCube +2

      I much prefer masseuses. They lean towards the hippie-happy side, but they make me feel wonderful. Mr Cube, on the other hand, swears by chiropractors and thinks I’m weird. So…grain of salt in that crock, maybe?

    2. antigonewiththewind +6

      I think most people have minor scoliosis, since it really just means your spine is a little curved. If you had scoliosis severe enough to be a problem your pediatrician would have caught it while you were growing up, and after you’re done growing, there’s nothing they really do for it anyway. I tend to think of chiropractors as like massage therapists–they might make my back feel better, but if I want an actual medical opinion I will go to an actual doctor.

    3. FionaChatwin +7

      Crock. Chiropractic practice started on the basis of magnetic healing and its heart is pretty much just magic. I want to believe but I can’t. Try a physical therapist!

      2. toomanybicycles +5

        As my physiotherapist acquaintance puts it, chiro can line you up but you just fall right out if you don’t have the muscle/posture/exercises to keep it there. I don’t mind alternative medicine – I get massages regularly – but ain’t nobody cracking my spine without a medical license and years and years of independent peer-based review.

        1. GigiAuLait +2

          Hey, (retired) chiropractor here, and I agree with your entire comment. In high school/ college my DC was great at fixing my sports injuries and giving me lots of homework exercises so my muscles got stronger/ balanced, but it wasn’t until I entered chiropractic school that I discovered most DCs are anti-intellectual, anti-vaccine, and the profession is still 90% men FFS!

          That said, it IS possible to find evidence-based chiropractors who aren’t trying to magnetically heal you, will send you to a PT (I wrote prescriptions to PTs frequently), and will focus and nutrition and exercise for long term benefits. As to “cracking” the spine, there is a growing amount of peer-reviewed evidence for safety and efficacy of joint manipulation for neck pain and back pain; the cost : benefit versus ibuprofen is debatable.

    4. lemonadefish +3

      I <3 chiropractors! I don’t think they can heal your gallbladder or whatever, but they can sure align your bones in a much more comfortable fashion. None have ever told me I have scoliosis, even though I’m counting on curling up like a pill bug eventually (I take after my grandmother who was remarkably curled…)

    6. gojetta +1

      On the one hand chiropractors will definitely be like “OMG your spine is FUUUUCKED!” On the other hand, my chiropractor has helped me a lot with chronic headaches. I just take the diagnosis part with a grain of salt. The treatment is quick, painless, and has noticeable positive effects so I just go with it.

    7. thebellewitch +1

      I think chiropractors are basically full of it, but then when I was pregnant I got this insane weird rib pain, like no position was comfortable, wanted to cry while sitting perfectly still, kinda thing. I finally gave in and went to a prenatal chiropractor and her weird pushing on my pelvis sincerely worked (or was the strongest placebo effect ever, since I went into it extremely skeptical). It’s possible, of course, that a massage would have done just as well.

      I would still never in 1,000 years believe a diagnosis from one, and if I were having some sort of chronic problem I’d be seeing a real doctor. The science is crazy-shady with chiropractors.

    8. lilsebastian01 +1

      Don’t let a chiropractor crack your neck. I had a friend who had a minor aneurysm at 32, which her brain surgeons said was probably caused in part by her chiro cracking her neck, which can weaken the arteries to your brain or something.

      I went to 3 chiros on and off over 8 years and they never did shit for me compared to what a year of physical therapy has done, but my parents swear by theirs.

    9. sandwichharlot +1

      Chiropracty is a crock of shit and can also kill you (spinal adjustments leading to carotid dissection leading to strokes etc). Get a massage, go to a physical therapist, do not go to a chiropractor.

    10. TARDIStime +1

      Don’t panic about the scoliosis – everyone has it, it just means a curvature of the spine. It’s probably nothing.
      I used to swear by my chiro, they would make me feel super after an adjustment and really helped me out with some digestive issues I was having.
      HOWEVER, please remember that no adjustment ever stays in for a permanent period of time. I save $70 a month by not going and managing my misalignment with yoga ($18 a month with yogaglo.com) instead.
      I don’t know what the regulations are on chiro where you are, but I know that if chiros want to practice in Australia, they spend 6 years getting their degree first. That is a year longer than a regular medical degree for any GP you care to see here.

    11. abyssiniahenry +1

      Would an osteopath help with this sort of thing? When I’ve had back issues, I’ve seen osteopaths and always been super happy with the results. Research & anecdotes have led me to believe it’s better to go for an osteopath than a chiropractor. However, I guess your mileage may vary and I have no idea what scoliosis is and this is totally a drive-by comment ’cause I’m multi-tasking. Good luck!

  47. urwelt +2

    Help! What do I get my roommate for the holidays that costs about $30? He likes cats (esp. Maru), bicycles (but doesn’t own one yet), opera, classical music, WWE (?), making fun of MRAs and progressive politics.

    2. rhymeswitheight +4

      A ticket to a opera/classical music concert? COULD cost $30 maybe. If you live near a university or college they will almost certainly have music events in that price range. Normal performing arts centers sometimes have great discount ticket programs for all sorts of demographics – students, teachers, old people, young people, alumni of X school, etc.

      1. urwelt +2

        Hm! He would probably like that, but I don’t know anything about that type of music. Maybe I can ask his brother.

    4. plspassthePinot +10

      Unrelated to your post topic, I like your roommate and would love to have a wine night w you guys.

  48. deleted2845473 +2

    I just moved to a new city and it’s going… okay? This is my first time living in a major urban area. I like my new job, and after two weeks I have yet to die in a gruesome mass transit accident or anything. But I still don’t know anyone and I think the largeness of the city is intimidating me from doing anything about it. I signed up for an art class, but that’s about it. Right now I’m debating asking the coworker I’m most friendly with if he wants to get drinks after work, but I’m afraid he’ll say that he already has a ton of fun stuff planned and I’ll end up drinking wine alone in my comically overpriced apartment again. How have you guys handled moving?

    1. anxious_mofo +1

      I moved to a new city two years ago andddd basically resorted to the Internet. I looked up a Meetup group for something I’m into (comics), found the local chapter of the Forever YA book club, and asked around to see if there were Area Pinners. So I guess I would say, are there ways to translate things you already do/people you already know online into the meatspace? How comfortable are you strolling into a bar to meet with people from the Wubs to talk about music or painting or dogs or whatever?

      1. deleted2845473 +3

        I chickened out on a knitting circle last weekend but I will probably try again after the holiday. The hairpin groups are a good idea, I forgot about those!

        1. msjinxie +1

          Be strong and go to the knitting group! It took me ages to join the one I’m in now and I kick myself for waiting so long because I met a group of awesome peeps and have made some kickass friends that are now Regular Friends and not just Knit Group Friends.

    2. rhetconfidential +1

      I moved not to a fun big city, but a small New England town, and it’s going okay. I’m a bit jealous of your move–and you have a job, which is great–but I also see how it could be intimidating. I say ask your coworker, but don’t put too much investment into it. If he says no, just take the next opportunity and keep trying.

    3. juliamhc +4

      i don’t think it would hurt anything to try asking the coworker. i know that when i first moved to a new city this summer i felt super self conscious about asking coworkers/people i vaguely knew from college days to hang out with me, but remember that everyone knows you just moved to a new place and no one expects you to already have a crazy thriving social life in place. no one will judge you for asking to make plans; everyone will most likely be flattered at least.

      i also think it’s a good idea to give yourself some time before you feel a lot of pressure about your social situation. it takes time to cultivate a brand new social life, and what’s the harm of having a few weekends of time to yourself? you can binge an entire netflix show, or listen to music really loud and dance through your new apartment in your pajamas, or go out to dinner at a nice restaurant and bring a good book and treat yourself to a fancy, over-priced cocktail. doing relaxing, indulgent things with my excessive free time when i first moved helped me mentally prepare for the overly busy stressful times that inevitably followed once I got fully setlled in.

      1. rhetconfidential +2

        Thank you, that advice helped me to feel less guilty for my many weekends and nights in. I don’t have a job yet, so it’s been hard to even have mundane social interaction. But I’ve discovered the small joy of chatting with cashiers and such, and I feel as though these little things are more meaningful to me now.

      2. anxious_mofo +7

        There is also something to be said for being able to go literally anywhere in a city and never run into anyone you know. Kinda freeing!

        1. msjinxie +3

          This is something I LOVE about living in a city. (Though my city is relatively small and running into people I know is a not-uncommon occurrence. I just avoid certain neighborhoods.)

  49. foiledthoughts +6

    Y’all, my sister and I are going to see Catching Fire tonight at the mall IMAX and I’m so excited I get to see it with one of my sisters because they are the reason I got into the series in the first place.

    My husband is also going but he’s neither read the books nor seen the first movie, and he is mainly going because he likes IMAX and hanging out with us. Also we are getting margaritas beforehand so it’s going to be a good (albeit cold and rainy) day here.

  50. daisicles +1

    My brother’s home for Thanksgiving. He got here last night and will be here until next Saturday. I love him very much, but suddenly there’s his needy dog following me around the house and extra noise everywhere and it starts to feel like the walls are closing in. Luckily, his car isn’t blocking mine in (as it so often is when he’s here) or I might be in full-on panic mode.

    Is this a good week to take up meditation?

    1. rhetconfidential +3

      Yes! Or at least to make some you time of any variety. I prefer laying in bed with the door shut and asking to be left alone for a few hours. Or just say you’re going to take a nap. Put on headphones?

    2. SmrtCookie +3

      This is also a good week to do your christmas shopping if that’s a thing you do, take over the grocery shopping and cooking, or check out that museum/bar/etc you’ve been meaning to go to. Get out of the house!

    3. EPWordsnatcher +3

      Yes absolutely. My baby brother (well, he’s turning 24 next weekend. BABY BROTHER, forever 8 in my mind, etc.) is getting into town tomorrow and staying for a week. He’ll be staying at my parents’ but I know the feeling. Make sure to take lots of time for yourself!

      1. daisicles +3

        They’re *always* baby brothers. It’s like a law. My brother may be 22 and home from law school, but he’s still my baby brother.

  51. nonamejane +1

    Posting as anonymous because of the dilemma:

    I used to be pretty good friends with someone who was more on the periphery of my friend group. Let’s call him Jack. He’s pretty cool, but also pretty shy. He also has a best bud/roommate, Bobby. Bobby is much more extroverted and generally plans their social life. I prefer Jack’s company to Bobby’s, but they pretty much go together, so whatever, I would always hang out with both of them.

    When bf and I got together, bf was always reluctant to attend any event where the two of them were invited. Like “if they’re going to be there I really don’t want to go.” Bf is generally pretty easy-going, so I figured something was up. I needled it out of him, and it turns out Bobby sexually assaulted one of bf’s ex-girlfriends.

    So, obviously I feel pretty skeevy about Bobby. But also don’t want to/can’t confront him. (And I also don’t know the whole story, I only know that something happened, and it’s not really my place to know more anyway.) I’d really like to keep hanging out with Jack, but given their social dynamic, it’s unlikely that I’ll ever see Jack without Bobby. I ultimately could probably get over it/forget/ignore that I know what Bobby did, especially in a large group setting, but bf won’t ever want to be in the same room as Bobby.

    Advice???

    1. SmrtCookie +3

      This is a sucky, sucky problem to have. Can you take a more active role in planning get togethers so you can control the guestlist? Depending on your group dynamics you may have to explicitly tell Jack that Bobby isn’t invited. He may like time away from Bobby! If he asks you for a reason I say lay it all out there but maybe present a united front with your bf. Like “We’re not interested in being around Bobby because of his history of sexual assault.” Rather than “My bf isn’t interested…”

    2. toomanybicycles +3

      This sucks so much. A (harsh) question: does Jack know what Bobby did? Because if he does, and he’s OK with it, then I wouldn’t have any qualms about cutting both of them loose.

        1. spring chickens +1

          sounds like it’s time to start initiating a new pattern whereby you spend time with jack and not bobby. maybe try one-on-one the first time and then group events where jack but not bobby is invited. experiment with an event your husband isn’t going to anyway.

          ugh! i probably wouldn’t tell jack either, though. i guess, if anything, i would probably tell bobby directly not to come/why there is a problem, if i were going to say anything explicit at all.

    3. Sugar&Snails +1

      A couple of people have suggested variations of this, but would you feel comfortable saying something detail-free but straightforward, like, “Hey, Jack, sometimes bf and I would like to see just you! Are you free Wednesday for [X activity]?”

      That’s easier if you and he share an interest that Bobby’s not into, of course. It’s trickier if your hanging out has been exclusively free-form.

  52. t_fer +2

    Toasties, I need music recommendations! Especially for new things, or people I wouldn’t have heard of (I’m pretty square.)

    Here are some things I like: riot grrrl, Sleater-Kinney, Sinead O’Connor, twangy stuff like Neil Young, Kathleen Edwards, Sarah Harmer, Rose Cousins, 80s stuff like the Smiths, Depeche Mode, Altered Images, etc. Kate Bush, some French folk music, etc. Aimee Mann. Elliott Smith.

    Any ideas? Young people, help me! I need you to stay current, or at least get out of this terrible rut.

    2. deleted9457019 +1

      I am a HUGE FAN of Sleater-Kinney alumni projects Quasi and Wild Flag. Well, there’s actually a lot of Quasi I don’t know, but Mole City is superfun.

    3. discombobulated +3

      If you like hip-hop even a little bit, I recommend Dessa! She uses a lot of literary references and has a spoken-word background that still influences her style of rap. Here is a non-hip-hop song of hers that I really like, and here is a more hip-hop-ish one. These are both from her latest album, Parts of Speech, but I like A Badly Broken Code better.

    4. FionaChatwin +2

      I loooove Gillian Welch’s twangy stuff. Recommended.
      And Sarah Slean. She is a mad genius of cabaret-rock-pop-piano, paints and writes poetry, and her lyrics are just phenomenal. Try her “Day One” album to start. “Lucky Me” is the weirdest and greatest from that album.

    5. t_fer +1

      Wow, thanks, guys! These are great. Keep ’em coming, if you think of more! Also, does anyone still download in the wake of Isohunt’s demise? Asking for a …friend.

  53. emily_white +1

    I walked into the public library on my way home today and Hild was sitting right there, so I took it. Even though I don’t have time to read it until February. In February, I’ll have to sit in a huge long hold line because everyone will have heard how awesome it is, I’m sure. Toast, I feel you will understand. (Shout-out to Zan, who registered last week to tell me how amazing Hild really truly was–I am considering giving up sleep for it now!)

    (Also, Toast, I miss you! My home Internet has slowed to a crawl and my worklife continues to pick up, so Friday Open Thread is pretty much the only time I see you.)

  54. mangosara +2

    So I think I may be going through preliminary breakup time with my longtime (4 year) partner? And I’m weirdly calm about it but also have this funny feeling in my stomach all the time… but it’s been so long since I’ve been single and I’m kind of excited for it, and I just wish this had happened starting in JANUARY instead of right before stupid Thanksgiving which I’m going to be spending with their family.

    Any recommended reading or anything that has helped y’all get through a big life change like this? Because I haven’t actually dealt with one before and I’m not really sure how it’s gonna go.

    2. lilsebastian01 +1

      Friend, I feel you, right down to the “why isn’t this happening in January??” feelings. Having gone through some of this a few weeks ago, if you don’t want to go to their family’s house for Thanksgiving, it is probably not going to matter in a year whether or not you did, if the two of you are going to break up anyway. Don’t make yourself miserable by going if you’re breaking up anyway.

  55. growlith +1

    Calling anyone experienced with therapy! (This question in on behalf of my boyfriend)

    So my bf started seeing a therapist three weeks ago. So far he’s had two appointments. His third one was to today, but it turned out he missed it (completely unintentional, he miswrote the time). He shows up three hours late, is confused, then apologizes, and at some point his therapist comes out of his office, doesn’t acknowledge my bf at all, just walks right past him and starts speaking to the receptionist. My bf had prepared some homework for today’s session, and he said, hey, I have these things you asked me to write, I can just give them to you right now. The therapist ignores him completely, doesn’t look at him, and then walks away. He may have been put out (there was a vibe). My bf looks at the receptionist like wtf? He’s pretty perturbed now and I think a bit unsettled by this interaction, and thinking on it, I’m become more annoyed by the minute. Therapy is absolutely critical to by his rehabilitation, and it took years of coaxing for him to agree to it. He’s still extremely reticent, so any weirdness could compromise his willingness to continue this part of his treatment. His therapist knows all of this.

    So my first thought was that this is part of some detachment thing the therapist does with all his patients outside of the office. After my bf’s very first meeting with the therapist, they ended up walking out of the building at the same time, and my bf said the guy did the same thing then. He plans to bring all this up at his next visit. I feel like the therapist’s behavior is unreasonable (ignoring someone who’s speaking to you seems unbelievably rude unless warranted), but given that I’ve never been in therapy, I don’t know if the boundaries are different and whether my bf should be especially concerned.

    Tl;dr: my boyfriend’s therapist ignores him completely outside of the office. No greetings, no eye contact, no response even when spoken to. Is the therapist an asshole and is this behavior typical?

    On another note, I started the Good Wife (I dismissed it because CBS – life choices, I do them wrong). Oh my wow, all I want to do is binge watch the episodes and fatten my tummy with puppy chow in the process.

    1. corfay +1

      This sounds very shady to me. I can understand being reserved but not flat-out ignoring. I would definitely encourage him to bring it up with the therapist – Maybe there is something else going on? Like severe inability to recognize faces??

    2. spring chickens +1

      a lot of therapists don’t greet patients out on the street where they might be seen, to protect their privacy (and also to make life easier for themselves — some detachment). but not talking to your boyfriend in the office is bizarre!

      it doesn’t sound like the greatest idea to me to give the therapist “homework” outside of a meeting, or in a waiting room, just for privacy (yours) and attention (his) reasons, but the therapist could just *say* that to your boyfriend, not ignore him completely!! he could explain. in other words, yes, sounds like a bit of a jerk. maybe it’s time to try out other possible therapists?

      1. anachronistique +3

        This is basically what I was going to say – boundaries/privacy are one thing, but this sounds like being a stone cold jerk.

    3. SeaVineyard

      This sounds really bizarre to me. I’ve had a few therapists, and I would be terribly hurt if any of them had acted that way. As people mentioned below, boundaries are a thing, and maybe avoiding contact in public is understandable, but in the office? That’s weird.
      Anecdote: When I was a teenager a million years ago, I worked at a ham store and my therapist at the time came in while I was working. I was a bit taken aback and awkward, but she handled it beautifully – she said hello, how are you, was polite but not overly friendly – she acted like a distant acquaintance and it was perfect. None of my coworkers noticed a thing. This, I think, is appropriate behavior.

  56. deleted9457019 +5

    Guys I am not going anywhere for Thanksgiving and I am pretty stoked about it. Thanksgiving travel is the worst. Sorry, family!

  57. elsamac +5

    People, I spent four hours today updating and organizing my mother’s computer, at least one which was spent trying to coax her admin password out of her memory. She does not distinguish between admin passwords, email password, Facebook passwords, and so on; she keeps forgetting they’re not interchangeable. So YIKES. But I cracked it! And then I wrote it down.

    On the bright side, she took me out for lunch (grilled salmon with romesco sauce and sweet potato fries) and I got to play with her cat.

  58. Zueignung +1

    Basically devoted all of my 20s to a dude who cheated on me, as I just found out from the other woman. I have no idea how to date; no one’s ever bought me a drink. Not that I want to go out there again, or feel like I will ever trust a Son of Adam, etc., but anyone have advice?

    1. Sugar&Snails +3

      Oh, I’m so sorry. That is deeply, terribly rotten, and it sucks that you’re going through that nonsense.

      My short-term advice is all about being kind to yourself, whatever that looks like. I know people say that all the time, but thinking in practical ways I would be kind to a person who was betrayed and hurting and then doing them for myself has really helped me. Like, I would make them dinner, and mix them fancy cocktails, and write them notes full of compliments, and take them on walks and to funny movies and lectures about interesting topics. Your kindness will look different, but being genuinely nice to yourself is a good skill to have.

      I know for me, planning at least one thing I can really look forward to every week keeps me moving forward instead of just curling up and hiding under a pile of blankets.

      Slightly more long-term advice — try not to worry too much about dating. There’s not one correct way to date, and when you’re ready you can find your way. There are also so many options! There is perusing OkCupid. There are meetups for friendship-first-maybe-dating-later. There are friends setting you up with people they think you might reeeeally like. There is casual sex with someone you met in a bar and plan to never see again. There is buying men drinks. There is text flirting. Dating can be anything you want! And you will be good at it.

    2. avidbiologist +2

      that really sucks, I’m sorry! πŸ™ That’s a terrible way for a relationship to end and also a terrible way to find out. I think most people don’t really know how to date- they just kind of fumble their way along and assume other people know better. The best advice I can give you (as someone who hasn’t gone through this) is just take your time recovering, figure out who you are now that you’re single again, pick up new hobbies, spend time with old friends or make some new friends, embrace your new self, and give yourself the space to grow. Do all the things you couldn’t do when you were part of a couple! Vacation wherever you want to go, see all the movies you want to see, eat at the restaurants you want to try. Once you’ve found your own space, then you can take some time to dip your toe into the dating scene?

      idk, it’s hard and I’m really sorry, but at least that dirtbag is out of your life now.

  59. whizzdumb +1

    Hey. Later contribution/rant. I’m on this construction barge underneath the new bay bridge with a bunch of gruff white males (as I am) and while it’s a unique place to work, I woke up early on a Saturday morning to hurry up and wait around until loud noises are made under water. It’s a strange kind of bordem. Yesterday while out here I heard a disgustingly racist statement from a dude I thought was one of the cool ones previously. I won’t type out what he said but all I did was scowl and walk away. Then I thought of a perfect response and was mad at myself. I already text-bombarded Mallory this yesterday but the conclusion of my observational study is this: the construction industry work force is 97% white male. I’m going to search if an actual study has been done on this.

    1. Pillowtalk

      I think, as women, we all waste entirely too much time trying to think of a clever/polite/hugely cutting response when faced with yet another example of generally white, usually male, often rascist, invariably sexist and/or misogynistic dumbfuckery. We then spend an endless number of days hating ourselves for not being ready with the bon mot.

      So I sympathize with ya, Whizzdumb. Despite the fact that you are a dude. I am gonna be generous at this point and credit you with some sensitivity as to why a great many of us XX types walk this earth each day in an absolute rage.

      Whizzdumb, give yourself a fucking break. You are not the problem here so stop displacing your anger on to yourself. Put that anger where it belongs, the (previously) cool dude. And next time, make it easy on yourself by just telling that, and any other, stupid racist fucker that he is a precisely that: a stupid racist fucker. Don’t waste the time to sugar coat it. Stupid racist fuckers and other dumbasses of that ilk* do not understand the sugar coat.

      And I can assure you that, once you get started, you will have ample opportunity for a bon mot or two as you warm to the theme. Especially if the said stupid racist fucker has the temerity to say something back to you.

      *Hey, for once in my life I got to use ‘ilk.’ I feel so proud.

  61. Nine

    Would an osteopath help with this sort of thing? When I've had back issues, I've seen osteopaths and always been super happy with the results. Research & anecdotes have led me to believe it's better to go for an osteopath than a chiropractor. However, I guess your mileage may vary and I have no idea what scoliosis is and this is totally a drive-by comment 'cause I'm multi-tasking. Good luck!

  62. Nine

    This is totally reassuring! Obvs pain is not fun but avoiding surgery (which I even feel pretty blasé about; it's just MONEY) is my main concern. Thank you!