Happy 2014, Toastinies! Did you celebrate?
The Bartender went to an awesome resort where up is down and down is up. By that I mean that the hazy shadowed vanilla cake thing in the picture above was sold as chocolate mousse.
It was not chocolate nor was it mousse, a very fitting end to the shitshow that was 2013.
So share your woes, share your glee and Do Not dare say anything about the new Sherlock! Cheers to the New Year and may this first open thread of 2014 be a mighty one!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
As long as Cory Booker is out there personally shoveling senior citizens’ sidewalks, I have faith that this is going to be an okay year.
This snow day would be better if I didn’t have to come to work, but yes, watching Cory Booker and Bill de Blasio shoveling this morning made the commute easier. 2014 for the win!
He’s such a hero I have a very idealistic crush on him and I’m not sure if its even sexual? Just like… SAVE ME, CORY BOOKER! Then can we hang out?
Mayor Superman!
As long as Cory Booker is out there destroying public education, this is is going to be a bad year for schoolchildren.
y’all I had to spend so much time with people and not enough toast time. I am also hosting more people staying at my house tonight but I can still go hide in my room and get on my Toast catchup! Somehow I have: visited family in Europe, returned, had two playdates that were AWESOME, had drinks with another fox to set up some dates, had my oldest friend visit and wingmaned for her in Boystown on New Years Day (gah), thought a lot about drinking habits, not fallen down yet, not been hungover, and have watched basically half of US Queer as Folk on a couch (OG Russell Davies!).
I missed you Toast! I can’t wait. Also horrible but sort of hilarious story of a hookup gone wrong: had to safeword TWICE, nobody got off, and he talked like the world’s worst Christian Bale Batman (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) and then when I was like, yo, peace, I’m outta here he was like, are you sure you don’t wanna cuddle? No, Batman. No.
If someone was trying to talk like Christian Bale’s Batman at me I would be UNABLE to stop laughing
I’m imagining Alison Brie’s Christian Bale Batman voice from that one episode of Community and it’s hilarious.
Both of you are not far off. It was so weird because like, we’d been talking like normal then bam, I wanted to be like, yo, go find the League of Shadows or something, because you sure as shit are trying to give me hickeys I SPECIFICALLY FORBADE YOU TO DO.
It was such an awful funny that it became so less than 24 hours after it happened.
Ack! I got my Toast Tee, but it’s WAAAY too big. Not sure if I just keep it as a house shirt, or attempt to cut it down. Knits are tough.
Maybe a tiny horse could wear it?
TOO SOON
Mine too! I got it today. I am planning to wear it while doing Nicole’s Feel The Burn workouts. We’ll see if I end up actually doing it even once…
Yay 2014! If I had a resolution, it’s definitely to start writing more. I’ve got some tentative freelance stuff lined up but it’s intimidating! I don’t know how to professionally pitch to anyone!
Just keep unprofessionally pitching to us, instead!
Piss on professionalism! Constantly undercut yourself and chat with your betters as though they were friends of yours. Works for me.
This was both surprising and weirdly reassuring to me, and maybe I can share that reassurance by saying: there’s something freeing in hearing that Known Professional Jaya Saxena feels like she doesn’t know how to pitch. It helps me realize I don’t need to worry so much about whether I’m doing it right and just focus on doing it.
Oh my god it’s both surprising and weirdly reassuring to me that anyone would think of me as a “Known Professional”!!
That’s exactly why I shared it: because that’s how you look to me, and have for as long as I’ve been reading your work. I think a lot of writers feel like we’re faking it, or not quite professional, or otherwise at sea*.
Your remark about pitching made me feel, paradoxically, a little more professional and competent in solidarity, so thank you.
*Remember that we always have the option of taking to the sea.
I had to work from 7AM until a quarter to midnight, because my job is dumb, but I watched the fireworks while driving home. Then my original plan of drinking the 2 bottles of prossecco the next day was waylaid by me being responsible, and cleaning the house, and taking care of the 3 foot pile of laundry that had accumulated.
When the hell did I become an adult? Tomorrow however, my plans are, get up, coffee, mineral bath at the cheap spa in town (which I just found out this week is owned by a culty Christian group, I’m now torn on if I should keep giving them my money. They read as relatively non-dangerous, just cult-like), home, nap, prossecco and Netflix. I think I’ll finish up watching 30 Rock. Or rewatch Orange is the New Black. Something with amazing people in it.
I foresee good times in my future.
Confirmed adult here saying that cleaning the house and doing laundry could have been VASTLY improved by drinking the prosecco.
Jeeze. NOW you tell me.
Happy New Year Toasties!
We’re supposed to have a *high* of -14f on Monday. The Governor just preemptively cancelled school for the whole state. I’m praying my office will do the same – but it’s doubtful. Weather like this makes me seriously consider getting a car.
Also my office got a Williams-Sonoma gift basket from someone. Nobody was taking the jar of honey-mustard so I just nabbed it, because fancy condiments.
HONEY MUSTARD. Mmm. Good call. My friend gave me some fancy honey for Christmas and I’m excited to bust into it (not immediately because I left it in my car and now it’s, uh, kind of frozen? Eeep).
The weather forecast just makes me want to scream and never ever ever go outside again.
I mean NEGATIVE FOURTEEN
IS THE HIGH
REALLY
how is anyone supposed to live???
I’m planning on dying and being re-incarnated as an indoor cat. Space heaters and sunshine and snuggles for me.
Did you see the part where is was colder in Canada than on Mars yesterday?
What terrible state do you live in???
Great ol’ MN. Sometimes I wonder why I live here.
But really, Minneapolis is the best and I love it to pieces.
I was going to ask how you get around in such cold weather, but I’m guessing: public transit?
Actually, I mostly bike. I put snow tires on my bike this year for the first time, and it’s been great. I’ve been sick the past week, so I did take the bus yesterday and today. And I will on Monday. But then back to the bike!
WOW girl.
I am not currently living there 🙁 but MN is my home state! The president of a local teacher’s union tweeted about how MN teachers can use this as an opportunity: https://twitter.com/mcricker/status/4191482339870…
Oh Minnesota. Stay safe.
Winnipeg consistently makes me feel pretty alright about living in Montreal, weatherwise. :/
Who passes up fancy honey mustard, and why do they have such poor judgement? (Says the lady with at least four jars of mustard in her fridge.)
Probably because of the Law of Midwestern Taking – as more things are removed from the pool of collective goods, the interval between taking a piece of the goods must double.
This is after all the goods have been split into as many pieces as possible. It’s pretty hard to split a jar of mustard, so that’s probably why it got left. Why no one opened it when the pretzels were open, I’ll never know.
Ah yes, that makes sense.
It is good to see this phenomenon named and defined.
Just commenting while I wait for an appropriate amount of time to pass before grabbing another cookie…
AW YES! Boss just came in and told me everyone is working from home on Monday. Score.
So was 2013 a universally bad year? I feel like everyone was pretending it was normal until 2014 came and then everyone confessed to the horrors they had seen in the past year in unison. 2013 woes and conspiracy theories are welcomed.
to be fair, 2012 was also awful.
2013 had the plus point of being the first year since 2008 WITHOUT a funeral I had to go to, so there’s that. But otherwise, it was a year of nightmares and vile, inhuman beasts crawling from the waves and I wish it had never been.
So bad I refuse to discuss it now that it’s 2014.
Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of the scene.
I have NOTHING nice to say about 2013 except that The Toast is really lovely and so are all of you.
Kind of? It had good points but everything came to a screaming head the last three months of the year, which were horrible in many ways. So it was kind of normal for most of the year.
My 2013 was pretty all right! The first couple of months sucked, but after that it was fine.
In February, my then-SO told me we hadn’t had sex since October because he was in the throes of horrible depression. But I hung in there.
In March, I was very nearly fired because stress migraines about once a month had me calling out.
I then got dumped from that 7 year relationship in the beginning of June “because (he’s) too broken for me.” In late June, my car died a horrible head-gasket-related death. I also was working 20 hour days, worked 13 days straight, pretty much blacked out while driving home on day 12, and then broke down at work on day 13 on hour 9 from stress and exhaustion. Ended up getting sent home, but only after my boss tried to convince me that I could still stay and work. It’s a horrible place, but I can’t afford to quit, and half decent paying jobs for my skill set and education level are scarce on the ground.
I saw none of that OT money, because it then went into a rental car while my other car was in the shop. June/July was when I discovered the Toast though, so there’s a bright spot.
In November, I turned 31. No one but family remembered (and even some of them forgot). Even the Ex, who I still live with, just in separate rooms now.
I really have nothing else to tie this long ass comment together, just shit better get better. And it’s totally the alien misery cartels that just dumped all the crap on us all.
I am SO SORRY. It’s one of those things where…there is nothing I can say to make that less awful but let’s all acknowledge that it’s awful. Here’s to a better 2014!
I would say it was a growth year for me, which is to say it was really hard and sucked. But I’m hoping this next year will be better for it.
Hear, hear.
To everyone whose 2013 was awful, you have my sympathies and I’m glad for your sakes that it’s over. Best wishes to all for the new year!
2013 wasn’t terrible for me but it wasn’t great either. A very meh year in which I didn’t deal with my issues or move forward with my personal and professional goals the way I wanted to, but I took small steps in those directions. I’m hoping that 2014 will be the year I’m more successful at fighting for myself (trying to achieve my goals and ask for what I want/need) and with myself (as in, do better at dealing with the depression, lack of focus, social anxiety, etc. that are holding me back). Would also very much like to travel more, and find a nice young man to sex me up and get my parents to stop worrying about my lack of a love life.
2012 was the worst, but 2013 was good for me!
For me it was just a sad little rut year. Nothing particularly good happened, one or two shit (but not disastrous) things happened, I didn’t take a vacation, there were no particularly exciting new books or games for me (and the new Arrested Development was…kind of awful), and I became deeply, deeply disillusioned with my job.
Reading about others’ years here makes me realize that I’ve had it damn easy, though.
Agree with the general sense of “to hell with this past year.” It feels like, at least online, there was a lot of sadness and a lot of arguing. Maybe it’s a sign of change to come and a better 2014?
2013 wasn’t ALL bad for me, certainly, but it threw enough terrible shit at me and my family/friends that I felt ok telling it to go eat a bag of dicks. I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high about 2014, since some of the stuff that happened in 2013 will likely have long-ranging repercussions, but I like to think it will be at least a little better.
OK so my saddest New Year’s Resolution was just a decision, to begin posting This Week with the Bergy Bits here on The Toast instead of somewhere else
So here goes (I’m cheating a bit on the “this week” part since I haven’t done one in a while):
Mummy gets bored drawing princess after princess, and we end up with a saucy misandrist mermaid “she lures sailors to their deaths!” and a charming butch/femme lesbian princess couple, among others.
“Don’t touch Daddy’s watch with your dirty hands!”
“My fingers is clean!”
That moment when two screaming kids are each demanding the last pear, so you fight your literal nature and your teaching responsibility to let one misidentify an apple.
Mr Iceberg :”who wants to watch Batman?”
Bergy Bits: “yay!”
Mr Iceberg *turns on Xbox, plays Batman video game*
“Mummy my belly hurts! … Pasta feel me better.”
Breakfast Table, 7:30am.
Dimples: Eat all your Cheerios, okay?
Diva [nods obediently]
Dimples: Okay, here’s your ponies [hands over two toy ponies]
Dimples, presented with a cicada shell at the bus stop: [fearfully] “I don’t want to eat it!”
The Diva saw my butterfly shaped sleep mask that has ribbons to tie around the wearer’s head, immediately picked it up, held it to her chest and said “It’s like my boobs?”
Diva got into a cardboard box, Dimples pulled her in it to the end of the hallway then turned around, bent down to look into her sister’s face and whispered “Get out.”
“Mummy my belly hurts! … Pasta feel me better.”
This one.. this one is wise.
Is it bad if I admit I’m glad you moved it here because I haven’t been somewhere else in a while (excepting the fact that I went today and read some comments and now am mad at myself for doing so)?
Also, “Pasta feel me better” is so wise. So, so wise.
Too much spam, and no one ever reads it anymore, I feel like, except the Open Thread, and they didn’t even do one last week, and and and. Sad but at least we have our wonderful new Toast home.
I only go to check out Ask Baba Yaga any more. And that is sad.
Yeah, I pop in now and then just to see because I think I still cling to some sort of sad hope that maybe it’ll be what I remember it being, but it never is. I think I’ll just stop in 2014. That will be my internet resolution. “Stop pining for a thing that no longer exists as you remember it.”
The re-posted awesomeness from 2011 and 2012 that rounded out last week’s content was nice to revisit, but it made the contrast between then and now all the more stark. I just go on Wednesdays to see Ask Polly cross-posted from the Awl.
That is actually my Big Life Lesson Resolution for this year – having realized in a flash of blinding insight that instead of sitting around wistfully thinking about good friends who moved away, I could leave the house and meet some NEW friends.
Yep. I’m tired of reading tons of spam in every comment section. I know they’re doing everything they can, but it is not my job to prop up a dying site that’s half spam anyway. No articles I ever want to read (with the exception of Spite Houses!), no interesting links, no vibrant comments section = no time for them.
My big thing with the spam – and I’m not a web site designer/administrator/etc. so grain of salt and all that – is, well…how hard would it be to get some comment mods? Volunteers, even. I’ve participated on sites/forums with volunteer moderators and having a few extra people on hand to deal with spam or inappropriate comments goes a long way towards improving the overall commenting experience. I know for a fact that there were commentors who were willing to volunteer (though I imagine it’d be harder to find willing candidates now). The fact that there isn’t even a way to report spam blows my mind. No “report comment” button on the comment, not even a “report shit to this email address and someone will deal with it” option!
I really like the Billfold, so I’ll click over from there to see what’s up, but I am usually disappointed 🙁
also d’you think if I started a BBs twitter I could get a book deal? Or maybe a shitty sitcom 😉
YES. DO IT.
I mean, this is all shamelessly cribbed from my Facebook feed anyway…
also guys tell me your twitters so I can follow them!
FOLLOWED!
I’m at: https://twitter.com/lanrui
it’s “protected” but just because I don’t want work-clients reading my dumb jokes; I will approve y’all
Weee! I am @MsJinxie, and I just followed you. Live tweets of Bergie Bits antics!
I’m noxmunk on twitter, but mine is also private because I’m a teacher and sometimes bitch about stuff. But I will approve you!
HOORAY BERGY TWEETS! Swiftly followed!
I am “@hayley_sass” on the Twitters, and would love some more Toasties to follow.
I just found/followed you! BTW your username minus the underscore turns up a very different tweeter.
Followed right back! Haha, oh my, I can imagine the type of tweets the no-underscore Hayley would make. The ‘sass’ part was actually an acronym for an old blog I used to run, I really should change it, but old habits and what have you.
During the 2007 cicada swarm in D.C., a Post article on cicadas included the warning: “Avoid letting children or pets eat too many cicadas.”
TOO MANY
I’m sure your brood will be fine with a shell or two, if they want!
Hahahahaha – the Bergy Bits are not so hot on counting, so anything more than about 3 is “too many” as in “I want too many cookies!” (literally how they ask for them)
This is my favorite of all time
OMG. Such riches!
Mr Iceberg :”who wants to watch Batman?”
Bergy Bits: “yay!”
Mr Iceberg *turns on Xbox, plays Batman video game*
My husband let G watch him play Kingdom Hearts “because it’s Disney!”
They loved it, they have no idea.
Look, Daddy controls Batman!
I think you exercised excellent parenting in a) providing fresh fruits for your small children and b) finding a solution to conflict through mis-identification of the apple. I would have just eaten the pear, all in your face, toddlers!
Me: “There’s only one pear guys, what do you want me to do?”
Dimples/Clown (screaming) “I. WANT. THAT. PEAR.”
Me: “There’s only one pear.”
Dimples, spying an apple: “I want THAT pear”
Me: “But that’s an app-yeeessss, you eat THAT pear.”
Bravo, Dimples, for your conflict resolution skills.
Daddy is not Batman. He owns Batman, and Batman does his bidding.
Also, my aunt and uncle deceived their children for years by identifying cantaloupe as “orange ice cream.”
Oh they’re so healthy. We just tell my baby cousin every dessert is cake. Pumpkin pie = pumpkin cake. Banana bread = banana cake. To everyone’s great amusement, he wound up being really into cheesecake, which you know, we weren’t technically lying about.
We have a two-year-old friend who is obsessed with the alphabet the way some kids are obsessed with trucks, dinosaurs, etc.
His favorite video game is “the E game”…aka the Rated E for Everyone graphic http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121105183…
Unfortunately it never stays on screen for very long.
I read the other place, but not the comments anymore. It’s just not so full of life and oddity as it used to be…
I have been waiting for this day! *much rejoicing*
Thank you Bergie!
It’s sad, but it’s time.
Feeling obligated to say, I also don’t read over there as often but I do love pretty much everything Jia writes.
Yes. Agreed.
Me too. Her piece a couple of days ago about being invited to 18 weddings last year was really terrific: http://thehairpin.com/2013/12/18-brides.
Yes, I loved that too! She’s great.
I’m glad you’re posting these again. It took me over 2 years of reading to set up an account over there, and then it seems like the decline happened right afterwards. I still don’t understand how it changed so quickly– change of editors, sure, but the quality of the comments changed so swiftly too. It’s sad.
Immediately after the new publisher came on board was when personnel changes began. Makes me think new publisher had orders to clean house or simply does not work and play well with others. Anyone else see it this way?
I didn’t know they had a new publisher. Makes sense since it seems like things have changed quite a bit on all the related sites.
YES but why are they crying? vv important
Haha. This morning:
Diva: because I accidentally took off her socks when taking off her PJs, which sent her into a rage spiral since she only barely consents to being changed anyways
Dimples: because she wanted to draw, so she was tenaciously clinging to the dining table and refusing to put on her hoodie, screaming “I WANNA BRAWWWWW” (her consonant sounds are endearingly mixed up)
The Clown: because he wanted to flush the toilet at daycare and his sister nipped in and did it for him
Oh babies. Life is very difficult. (To be fair, it’s awfully cold and taking off socks is no good.)
Yes, I didn’t know why she was so mad and then I went into the kitchen and heard her tell her daddy “Mummy took my socks off!” indignantly. I actually came back and said sorry, I hadn’t meant to, because her lil feet had been like blocks of ice before the socks went on!
“She lures sailors to their deaths!”
This is amazing A+ parenting and I laughed so hard I thought I would DIE.
the only reason I went to the untoasted side was to read the bergy bits updates so farewell edith-less sad place.
2013 was bad, let us shun it. Shun! Shun!
It’s very cold and windy today. I made the mistake of reading through the comments on the ‘Pin’s repost of the interview with the late-term abortion provider and sunk myself into a mood which was then exacerbated by a work-related thing that got blown out of proportion into a MUST DO IT NOW project and then an hour later turned into ‘or monday whatever’ deal and I am stressed out and ready to go home. It will be nice to go home and have the weekend to unwind.
RONBLEDORE LIVES
My “resolution” for January is to read all the Harry Potter books again. It’s been at least 5 years since I’ve picked one up, and I’m a little bit too excited about re-reading them.
I just re-read all my Tamora Pierce books and it’s a really lovely feeling, to return to such beloved and great books. Enjoy yourself!
Tamora Pierce foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr
Bless.
Ronblin’ ?
2013 wasn’t bad for me! It was WAY better than 2012, certainly.
I don’t usually make resolutions, and this year was the first time I’d ever actually kept one. My big achievement was that on 12/31 I paid off all my credit card debt, so I could start 2014 debt-free! So my resolution is to pay off my card every month. Yay for fiscal responsibility!
2013 started off in a terrible slump, but got better and better!
Congratulations!!!
Woohoo to paying off credit card debt!!
That is a gold star accomplishment!
That is so awesome!
I hurt my back over the new year so I stink of tiger balm and the cats are avoiding me.
But it’s been alright, otherwise. I’m just tired, having been hit by my seasonal depression (and extra fun dollop of exhaustion and self-hate on top of the every-day, all-year-round depression)
My upper back/neck is killing me today (as detailed down-thread), I wish I had my tiger balm with me at work. I personally like how it smells but yeah, people always complain/ask “What smells like ben-gay?” “It’s tiger balm you idiot, leave me alone.”
Oh oh oh so cats don’t like the smell of tiger balm??? I have been trying to put plastic over the windows for MONTHS and they’re shredding them to smithereens. They’ve grown resistant to lemon juice and black pepper. I am so cold that this sounds like a FANTASTIC idea.
It’s the menthol! Most cats really hate menthol – they will recoil from it when they catch the scent.
Has anyone else watched Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries? My local PBS station does a Mystery Marathon on New Year’s Eve and Day and I sat on my couch for two days straight and binged. I enjoyed Miss Fisher, mostly because she’s saucy and I wanted to steal all her 1920’s outfits.
I LOVE THAT SHOW. it’s ridiculous but I love it so and I want all her clothes.
Thank you! Added to Netflix queue!
This article reinforces my resolve…
“Phryne Fisher is the playful, unmarried, lulu-bobbed lady detective of Kerry Greenwood’s imagination. A woman of independent means whose first hand experience of the viciousness of The Great War drives her to live with sexual abandon.
Melbourne-based author Kerry Greenwood didn’t receive a single complaint when the ABC production Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries series screened on Australian television. “Not once,” says Greenwood. Not even from old ladies, not even from nuns.”
But Phryne – brought to the small screen by actor Essie Davis – is in trouble with some conservative American viewers for her love-them-and-leave-them ways with men.”
http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/books/miss-fi…
BRB, buying the whole series.
I’m working my way through it – think I’m on episode 6 or 7 now? It is so great. SO. GREAT. I’ve been telling everyone I know to watch it because it’s just so fun and new and different, while still being of the classic “mystery of the week” detective story style.
I’m going to have to watch it now! I read the first book and it was only okay, but I’m going to read the second one and see how it goes.
THERE ARE BOOKS??
I got the first one for $0.99on my Kindle, actually, and it looks like it’s free at the moment: http://www.amazon.com/Cocaine-Blues-Phryne-Fisher…
And here’s a link to the full series: http://www.amazon.com/gp/bookseries/B00CKC8IKU/
Apparently there’s like twenty??? Which is a lot. But I’m rereading the Peter Wimsey books right now because omg can’t wait to read the ones with Harriet Vane in them again…
I just bought it for $0.00! I’m so excited to read it that I think I would’ve happily paid $0.99 for it! Or even twice that much!
The books are great! Such wonderful comfort reads. And Phryne is EVEN MORE SAUCY in them, which should be enticement enough.
It is amazing!!!
I WATCH IT.
I got so excited in series two because we got to see the coppers with their jackets off. Amazing how period clothing changes your priorities.
I love that series. I describe it to people as “if Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler had a daughter, she’d be Phryne Fisher”.
The books are pretty good, too.
I only just realized it was Friday because I saw this open thread. Vacation!
I am moving! Hopefully this weekend! Out of my parents’ house (I love my parents, but…) and into an beautiful little apartment with a roommate who seems laid-back but also very together and a couple of adorable animals.
I have almost everything I need–except chairs and a comforter or duvet/duvet cover. (I’ll also have a big adult bed for the first time in my life, which means new bedding!) My budget is not high, especially as I might move out of state (or even country) in the next couple years. But I prefer to scrounge around to find high-quality stuff for cheap than buy new, cheap crap. Does anyone have suggestions for good stores/sites/brands? My decorating style is somewhere between L.L. Bean and Anthropologie–artsy/colorful but not fussy, and traditional but not fake-New-Englander–with random Ikea stuffed animal additions.
Garnet Hill has some nice bedding and the prices are fairly reasonable when stuff is on sale. It is the source of my “ink drawings of owls wearing winter hats” duvet cover. The Company Store is also a good source.
L.L. Bean itself has the best flannel sheets, imo, but this random manufacturer called Berkshire Blanket makes the nicest fleece sheets. (which can be pretty tacky, I guess, but it was a singular degree outside when I woke up this morning so I can’t care)
I’ve been disappointed with several sets of Marimekko sheets (via Crate & Barrel) even though I love the designs, because the texture is not very nice.
BEDDING OPINIONS: I HAZ THEM
I have no good recommendations for you, but I wanted to say congrats on moving out of the parents’ house!
Stalk thrift stores and such for your chair needs. Even a terrible IKEA chair will be more $ than a nice thrifty chair.
For comforters, I have one from Target that I quite like, though a friend recently complained that her new Target comforter was not warm enough. I also have one from the Company Store – if you can find a sale, it’s not bad. You might check Marshall’s / TJ Maxx – they don’t often have bed-sized blankets, but sometimes! I don’t have a Homegoods; I guess that would be an even better choice in that vein.
Stalk Craigslist in your area for chairs too. You’ll have to wade through dozens of crap posts, but there are major deals to be found. (Are you in MA or am I crazy for remembering that? If you’re in/near Boston, I love Boomerangs for thrift furniture.)
And I’ve had great luck with Target bedding. You might want to check Overstock.com too, but my issue with them is that quality is hit or miss and you can’t tell until you get it.
Yard sales in fancy neighborhoods!
I am also moving out of my parents’ house this weekend! High five for upward mobility!
TJMaxx/Marshalls/Homegoods if available. I’ve also had good luck on Ruelala for sheets and blankets. I got my pillow and duvet on Overstock.
Luckily you’re moving at post-Christmas sale time for other stores! All the big department stores are having sales and places like Pottery Barn, West Elm, and Crate and Barrel. I spend a lot (a Lot) of time in my bed reading and watching Netflix so I spent a bit on my bedding. I use it every day!
I was warm under 3 Sears blankets (on sale). They were so thin, so cheap, but very warm *after I sewed them together* as a triple-layered single blanket.
Thank you, everyone! (And I welcome more suggestions from anyone who sees this later!)
@unshored Ooh, Garnet Hill has some nice stuff! (Rocket ship sheets!!) I’ll have to keep an eye on their website. I’m planning to get a set of flannel sheets from L.L. Bean eventually since I don’t trust most department store brands for those, but they don’t have any that fit my bed&budget at the moment.
@Dancercise Thanks!
@lemonadefish & highjump Great minds–I just got my sheets and towels at HomeGoods! I looove HomeGoods.They didn’t have many interesting comforters/duvet covers when I went, though, but I’m hoping to go again. I work near a Marshall’s, and they have a small selection of bedding stuff. I just spent way too much time on West Elm’s website and might get a duvet cover there. However, it’s dangerous that I now know that they sell little decorations and kitchenware.
@lyetteann I live in Philly now, but I did go to school there and visit a lot, so I’ve probably mentioned it a bunch! I got the rest of my furniture (minus my desktable) for dirt cheap on Craigslist, but it’s so hard to tell if a chair is good on there. It’s probably my best option, though. I’ll look on Overstock, too–I’ve noticed that some things have a ton of reviews, so you can get a sense of if they’re crap quality or not.
@apples and oranges Good suggestion–but all the yards are covered in 8″ of snow!
@chnellociraptor High five! I’m hoping I manage to stay out…
@RoseCamelia Haha! You are clever and I am lazy.
Nordstrom Rack occasionally has swanky housegoods for reasonable prices (their towels are lovely). I love woven cotton blankets for warmth on beds- the one we bought at Target three years ago is still in perfect shape, and it’s nice and soft.
If you’re in an estate sale kind of region, random chairs might actually be easier to find there than straight off Craigslist. Goodwills in swanky neighborhoods are also not a bad bet.
I know all my open thread contributions lately have been break-up related, but GRRRR. I had a bit of a meltdown recently and deactivated my facebook, because despite my best unfriending and blocking efforts, people keep posting photos and not tagging my ex, so he pops up in my feed anyway. He friended another girl I know, who is a friend of mine, and now I am insanely paranoid that they are going to start dating, even though my logical brain tells me that’s quite a jump from “facebook friends”. So I’m trying to calm the fuck down and remind myself that I have taken the right steps to not having to see him, and also he will move on and date at some point and there’s nothing I can do about it.
This just all really sucks, a lot. It’ll probably take me a few days to feel “normal” again after this damn facebook stuff and I hate that.
Ugh. That sounds like the opposite of fun. can you “hide” the other friend for a bit?
I thought about it, but I figured this is the only REALLY foolproof way. We have a few other mutual friends and I just have no idea when or where he’s going to pop up, even though he’s not that active on Facebook. I very much need to pretend that he does not exist right now.
Good for you for taking action to remove yourself from the situation. I looked at my ex’s fb waaaaaaaay too much after she dumped me. It didn’t help.
I have a dilemma.
In a couple weeks, it is my husband’s annual boys’ camping trip. This is all fine and good; the boys come in from all around, we go out for pizza, then they go freeze their asses off for three days, and then they leave. It’s lovely!
But this year, one of the boys is bringing his wife along – no girls allowed on the camping trip, so she will be staying with me. I’ve met her a couple times, and we can hold a conversation for 20 minutes or so, but never in the last two years since meeting have we exchanged an e-mail, or a facebook comment, or anything of the sort.
I am quite introverted, and I find even very close friends exhausting after three days… What am I going to dooooooo????
(They bought plane tickets before anyone told me about this, so it seems a little late to object… Also, I’m pregnant, and so not up for thinks like hiking or going out drinking or many of the other things one does to entertain company…)
Whaaat. Can you fake bedbugs so that she’ll stay in a hotel?
If you choose to let her stay in your home after all, you have no obligation to entertain her. You can be busy with appointments, errands, work, etc. And in your inescapable downtime turn on the TV. Watch what you’d normally watch, or just put on something like Law and Order that pretty much anybody can watch 9 straight hours of.
Note to self: figure out how the TV works. (I just watch everything on my computer, but I think that’s a little too intimate for this situation…)
Yeah that seems RUDE. I would feel the same way too, but since it’s going to happen anyway, maybe have a convo on the first night about stuff she can do in your town and then just be like “so, i’ll be around if you need anything, have fun!
for clarity, dude bringing his wife and forcing you to host her seems rude.
YES. Plan a sample itinerary w the disclaimer “Well since Im’ pregnant, I’m probably going to be low key around here, but there are lovely XYZ’s just over blah blah and we have the E! network and sports channels + there’s some food in the fridge– enjoy!”
This is exactly what I was going to suggest. And that is an incredibly rude move on the dude’s part to not even ask you if it was okay if she stays with you, pregnant or not.
I’m sorry, this dude’s bringing his wife along…just so he can leave her behind? What exactly is the point of that, for them? Wish I had advice for you because I’d be feeling the same way if I were in your shoes.
I wish I knew the point.
🙁
Anyway, since I don’t have any good suggestions of my own, I’ll just second what Bergie said above – give her the tour of the house when she arrives, hand her a spare key, and tell her she’s got the run of the place. Maybe plan one outing, and/or a meal out on the other day, just to be nice, and let her go nuts on her own.
Hmm… how about getting in touch with her now (via email or Facebook) and getting a feel for what she might want to do while visiting. Maybe you’ll find a shared love of something that you can do together, or at least somewhere you can take her to keep her entertained for an afternoon. Or maybe you’ll find out that she’s a homebody and would be happy to sit in front of a fire with a good book for three days and you have nothing to worry about!
Also, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “You know, I’m exhausted/having morning sickness/in need of a hot bath, but I hate to keep you cooped up here with me. Here are my car keys and GPS, go explore the city/town/great outdoors!” You’ll get a little space from each other, and when she gets back, you have something to talk about — everything she did that day.
Oh, sending her out is a good idea!
Also contemplating having some friends over for dinner or something, to help dilute things…
Yes this is a great plan. When I had a house guest overstay her welcome I started scheduling group activities to take some of the conversational burden off of me. It was good because it made her feel less neglected, and me feel less over dosed on her, so to speak. It’s especially great if you know someone who you think she might hit it off with, or alternatively someone who just loves everyone.
I am having such a hard time understanding how this lady would be down for that. “I’m going to fly across the country to have one meal with my husband and then stay with a pregnant acquaintance for three days. Yes, this plan sounds AMAZE.”
I also do not understand. I can’t imagine she’s any more excited about it than I am…
The only thing I can think of is, maybe this weekend is just part of a larger trip they have planned in the area?
oh that makes sense. I was thinking that they could a) be extremely co-dependent or b) have jealousy issues, but I like your explanation a lot better.
I don’t think they’re staying any longer, and they usually travel separately, so no idea, really. Maybe she has always dreamed of visiting somewhere sort of lame?
Oh man, people when you don’t want people is the worst. I’m always a fan of individual reading time or movies. Also retreating to bedtime at 9pm/whatever you deem fit is totally acceptable. “Here’s the tv remote/wifi password, see you in the morning.” Sending her out/suggesting is also fine – “I’m not up for it, but here’s several trails/museums/shopping centers in the area.”
When some relatives overstayed their welcome at our house, my dad and I ended up giving the dog really, really long walks. And naps. Naps are the most important – she doesn’t need to know if your eyes aren’t closed.
Naps are great excuses for alone time.
I love naps!
I’m a total introvert and I just had a 3-day houseguest: my strategy was 2-prong. 1. Make a mental list of all the things I’ve wanted to do in my area but haven’t gotten around to. Touristy stuff, new restaurants, etc. Use houseguest as an excuse to do these things. 2. Make sure the house was comfortable for him so he didn’t feel abandoned when I made myself scarce. I grabbed some snacks he likes and left them out, expressly gave him free-range of the kitchen and tv, and that’s it because he’s a dude. But you could put some nice bath stuff in the bathroom, grab a couple books or movies from the library, etc. And stock up on that stuff for yourself too! You can totally play the pregnancy card to curl up in bed with a book when you need a break!
I totally agree with the part about expressly giving permission to use the kitchen/TV/Wi-Fi/etc. That way she won’t feel like she has to ask you about getting a snack or watching TV while you’re “napping” and you won’t have to cater to her every whim.
Whoa, this is rude of them on many levels! I think maybe your best bet is to level with this woman. Chances are she’s not showing up assuming you’re gonna be best friends either, since she has also only shared 20 minute conversations with you. Explain that you’re not up for much because of the pregnancy, but maybe let her know what there is to do in the area and encourage her to explore. Hopefully she’s reasonable, understands this has put you both in an awkward position, and is willing to work with you on this.
Oh, and to be fair, on the rude angle, they probably asked Mr. LF about this and he just neglected to mention it to me until the plane tickets had already been purchased…
Oh, it’s Friday? I’ve been trapped in my house by a sinus infection then a snowstorm and have completely lost track of time. My daughter has been stuck with me and we’re pretty freaking sick of each other at this point. Repeat viewings of Despicable Me are the only things saving our sanity at this point.
The best part about being one of two people in the office on a holiday-week Friday: If we decide it’s pajama day, it’s pajama day.
Happy New Year! So far in 2014:
-Dog escaped from yard, bit stranger.
-Water heater went kaput, flooding basement.
-Possible health issue is leading me to plan for a funky time with a trans-vag ultrasound wand later today.
Hello, 2014! You little Dickens!
Oooh noooo! I have a beloved, aggressive-to-not-his-people escape artist dog in the family, and that is my nightmare (ultrasound wands are up there, too. And home ownership, I guess).
We were being careless. Usually, my dude and I never leave the dogs unattended in the yard, because the bad dog is a known fence-jumper. But, we were having people over for brunch, and watching the dogs through the kitchen window as we cooked stuff and puttered, and that was a bad plan.
The dog that bit is 13 months old, and had a bad childhood. We have been working on training him and socializing him with people, but held back, because he has been snapping and growling when strangers get too close lately, so it’s hard to be like, hey, come over and hang out with my mean dog. I’ll be holding him on a leash, and we can try to yell a conversation over his ear-splitting barking.
I talked to a trainer who was really nice, and once we get him used to the muzzle, she’ll come for an in-home session, and then we’ll take him to something called a growl class, where trainers basically pet muzzled dogs until they learn that people won’t hurt them.
Yeah, my Bad Dog’s attitude toward strangers started degrading a couple months ago (from “bark bark jump get patted chill” to “bark bark snarl I KEEL YOU growl growl etc”). We’ve got a one-on-one session with a trainer on the books, so hopefully she’ll have some actionable steps…and if not I guess I’ll just go build a cabin in a remote area and get some sheep for him to be ridiculously protective of?
2013 was pretty great for me, and 2014 is looking not too shabby as well. We got pounded with snow which I LOVE, and we’re going to get a lot more this weekend, so I’m looking forward to curling up in a blanket fort with Middlemarch (I need to get caught up for the book discussion post ahhhhh). Also, hopefully lots of cookies and wine, because I will NEVER make a new year’s resolution that involves giving up cookies and wine.
Middlemarch is on my to-do list this weekend as well! Reading in solidarity with you.
2013 was to all appearances NOT a very bad year for me, but that just highlights the fact that SOMEthing needs to change in my life because ‘not that bad’.
3K is not enough money to just pick up and move, is it. Maybe I should look into selling plasma.
Depends on where you want to move, and how much of your stuff you want to take! Sell all your stuff, keep your plasma, and take off! (Note: I would never ever, because I am shy and cautious and love my stuff. But I bet there are people who would enjoy that!)
None of my stuff is WORTH anything! Unless there’s a secret, untapped marked for dog-eared paperbacks and anime DVDs that I don’t know about …
And I only just realized that my first sentence there has no completed thought. Awesome.
My friend (who I had posted before had complications with her c-section) started breathing on her own when they took her off life support, which made it harder because it kind of inspired some sort of *hope* or something, even though we knew she had little to no brain function. She stopped a few hours later.
I got to see the baby through the NICU glass. When asked to describe her I would say “She’s tiny and adorable and fucked for life.” Unless she has a long lost relative somewhere that the state will hand her over to, she’s in the foster system 🙁
Oh, for you to see her and not be able to do anything about it, that would suck. Much sympathy.
So sorry.
And sincere apologies for the ultra depressing post. I actually had a very fun new years filled with an assortment of booze and other party favors and got to open all the champagne bottles for the midnight toast and kissed a boy at midnight who I am quite smitten with.
Oh how very sad. I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the baby… On the plus side, infants are very desirable for adoption, so perhaps she will soon have a loving home…
I hope so! She’s not white and there’s a high possibility that she’ll have some special needs, but hopefully someone will be able to overlook that because *BABY*.
All I’ve got is a virtual {hug}, but it’s all for you and the little one.
Checked back in after just seeing the thing in the New Years open thread. This is just terrible, so so terrible. All my sympathies to you and the poor baby.
Oh, that’s heartbreaking 🙁 I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. Is there a way for you to keep track of the tiny baby (if that is a thing you are comfortable with of course) to later share happy memories of her mother?
We were talking about writing her letters, and then asking her case worker to pass them off to the adoptive parents (fingers crossed that she gets adopted) to pass along to her when she’s 18 or if/when they’re comfortable giving them to her. It’s all still pretty new and sudden and horrible, but yeah, we’ve been floating ideas around to try and do something like this.
This is such a kind and thoughtful thing, at a time when it must be hard to think at all. You’re doing her a lovely future favor: someday she’ll know that someone was looking over her with love even when her mother couldn’t.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
And thank you all for the kind words and well wishes. Hoping so so much that Layla gets and amazing family who will be willing to someday let her hear how much her mother hoped and wished for her. I’m just drunk crying in the bar bathroom over it for a bit.
My only two resolutions:
–FINALLY learn to drive
–Wear more skirts
Driving fast in a loose skirt with the windows open is amazing.
Yes. Yes it is. Or in a convertible! I once had my skirt flip up to my chest once, exposing *everything* to my passenger. It was awesome.
SKIRRRTS. They are a vast and wonderful world. Good luck on your journey. (and in learning how to drive! I was a late-driver also.)
Those are fantastic resolutions!
Do any Toasties in San Francisco need a new roommate? I just want a nice place where there is Netflix and wine and a kitchen where I can cook things (I will share) and a cat, or someone who would let me get one. But I am also real picky about neighborhood and I don’t make a bajillion dollars. If anyone has any leads I would sure appreciate it! (you can email me at my username @gmail)
I have a snow day today! I thought those ended with high school, but I guess I thought wrong. My office is closed and it is glorious.
I’m wondering if there are any lawyer/law student Toasties? I’m applying to law school this cycle, and the rolling admissions thing is driving me bonkers. Undergrad you had to wait for April 1, and it was fine because at least I had a concrete date to wait for. This whole eight-twelve weeks, but maybe more, maybe less thing sucks. How did you cope? When did most of your decisions come? …. am I making a huge mistake?
I went to law school in 2007. I probably wouldn’t be doing the job that I love now if I hadn’t… but that doesn’t mean it was a good choice. Advice from an internet stranger? Don’t go unless you get a full ride somewhere. Not only is law school tremendously expensive (and ABA rules limit how much you can work while enrolled), it’s three years of opportunity costs when you’re not earning money doing something else. I went to an in-state school with some money saved and my student loan payments are now more than my rent. It’s crushing and if I could go back, I wouldn’t do it again.
(I’ll note that I went to a very good school and did very well and got one of those very good jobs – and I still would do it differently if I could.)
Thanks for the thoughts. I have to ask, what would you do differently if you could? I work at a 30ish attorney sized firm right now, and I’ve asked some of the people I work with if they’re happy with their decisions, and most of them actually are. However, this firm is a pretty benevolent employer, so I know they’re really not a representative sample.
The work is not the problem, especially if you know what you’re getting into. It’s the expense. Imagine coming out in three years with your same lifestyle but having less disposable income each month than you do now. That kind of debt changes your life and limits your options in terms of job choices, hobbies, travel, etc.
Over the holidays, my grandmother asked if I’m planning to buy a house soon. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I did not borrow extravagantly when I was in law school and I payed in-state tuition at a public school. As compared to many people I know, I got off easy. On a 10-year repayment schedule (required if you make over a certain amount), I was paying close to $3000 a month in loan payments. Now at a lower-paying job on an income-based plan, I pay 15% of my gross income – which for me last year was about $1100 a month.
I hear that. I have a small amount of student loan debt from undergrad ($154 monthly payment, I usually do at least $200 on it though), so I definitely grasp ‘”debt” as a concept more than I did when I was making choices about undergrad. I have the numbers for some decent scholarship money, so I’m really hoping someone will come back with a good offer. I’m not sure what I’ll do if that doesn’t happen, which is probably the root of 90% of my anxiety over this.
http://www.businessinsider.com/is-law-school-wort…
A law school friend just posted this on facebook.
I second Momthra. I’m in a similar situation (graduated in 2005 from a very good school, and I have one of the “good” jobs, too) but I would do something else if I could do it again.
My internet stranger advice is basically this: http://www.businessinsider.com/samuel-browning-an…
I actually came out of that flow chart okay, which is comforting haha.
Ohh that article 🙁 My best friend is applying to law school right now. And she doesn’t want to be a lawyer. Bahh I don’t want bad stuff to happen to her!!
May I ask why she wants to go to law school if she doesn’t want to be a lawyer?
To do policy work but not be an actual attorney. I know that career path did at one time exist, but is now a horrible idea; I just don’t really feel it’s my place to say anything after my initial “I heard that is a really hard way to find a job, especially one that will pay student loan debt.”
There was an English Phd candidate (the discipline, she was American) in a class I took who got a law degree “because [she] wanted to learn more about the law.” So she got a full ride at some random regional law school and got a J.D. with zero intention of ever taking the bar. She must be close to finishing her dissertation now. I would love to know if she is going to try to find a job, or get another degree. In related news, this was the class that sent me running screaming from getting a graduate degree in English.
I’m in now, graduating in May. I think it was definitely the right choice for me career-wise, but that doesn’t mean the school part doesn’t SUCK. I’ve been lucky to get a good job out of it (poor grades but lucky interviewing), and have roughly half of my expenses paid, but I agree that you should only go if you are 1) absolutely certain you this is the career path for you (which since you work at a firm now, seems like you have a decent idea) & 2) go somewhere that gives you money.
I know a few people applying soon, and the only people I try to dissuade are those that are coming straight from undergrad, and those that are unsure if they want to practice law. I find it hard to convince people that are set on the ideal of a legal career that it’s a bad idea.
Also, I think where you go geographically matters a lot. Both in where you want to practice, and the in culture of the locale. The hardest part for me so far has been the cultural adjustment–moving from a liberal progressive bubble to DC is difficult enough, and law school seems to attract the most neurotic and obnoxious of the type A types. Ugh. I get anxiety just thinking about returning to school soon. BUT I also have faith that anyone that reads The Toast is a decent human being, so hopefully you will survive.
Hah, yeah I am ready for 3 years of pain. I graduated undergrad in 2012, and work as a paralegal now, so I feel confident about the job part, it’s the debt part that really worries me the most. My parents really tried to push me into the K-J.D. path for some reason, but coming off a senior thesis I had the sense to know I needed some time off from school and in the real world. Literally every single lawyer I’ve talked to has affirmed this decision.
I live in NYC and I’m pretty sure I want to stay in the area. The only way I wouldn’t is if Michigan decided to throw a lot of dollars my way, which probably will not happen. NYC is basically a den of wolves, but for the area I want to practice in (labor/employment), this is the place to be.
I’ve been reading some of the tls forums, and those people are totally batshit. It’s been nice to hear from some sane internet strangers.
I am a 3L, so grain of salt, but I’m happy I made the decision to go. I will be in a lot of debt, but I was making terrible money before, so even with the loan payments I’ll make more a year than I did before (even at the judicial clerkship I’m starting next year, which are sort of notoriously low-paying). I think you really have to look at your own life, not other people’s experiences when making the decision. Are you interested in being a lawyer? Are you being realistic about the financial hardship it will likely involve? Also, yes, if you have a good job now the opportunity cost of quitting it or working fewer hours can be high. But I work part time at a law firm now while in school and make more doing that than I did at my previous full-time job.
Again, I’m still in the cocoon of school, I’m lucky enough to have a clerkship lined up for next year, and I started school in much more dire financial straights than most people, so ymmv.
Hey life twin! I’m in pretty much the exact same situation as you, but I graduated in 2013 so planning on law school in 2015. I’m glad you brought this up and everyone took the time to give such thoughtful answers, without resorting to (what I feel is) the usual internet response of “no one should ever go to law school ever again.”
Working as a paralegal has definitely made me more sure that I want to pursue a career as an attorney. Also, since as a paralegal I can’t get promoted, I feel like the opportunity cost of going to law school, which a few people have mentioned, kind of evens out or is mitigated. I’d much rather have the opportunity to work my way up the ranks at a law firm, than turn into a career paralegal, and even the boring work the attorneys do is much more interesting than most of what I do (although for now it is still educational and good experience).
My 2014 has gotten off to a rocky start because I’m having some wrist pain that I think is probably carpal tunnel, which means I should probably not use all available free time to knit, like I had planned to do since it is winter and all I want to do is sit in a pile of wool until March. Sooo…does anyone have any experience with this? I haven’t gone to a doctor yet, but I’ve only ever heard depressing stories. Surely someone has had this issue and just like, rested for a bit, iced it and stretched and then it’s fine, riiiiight?
I once found a masseuse who did amazing things for my wrists. I don’t live in that town anymore, such a shame… There are some pretty good videos on YouTube of stretches and things that help. I hear the surgery some doctors will try to push on you doesn’t really do much to help… But, you probably will have to limit your knitting one way or another. Maybe try some slightly different grip positions? Also if it’s something other than knitting that’s causing your pain (mousing, holding my phone weird while laying in bed, and that one time I spent 20 straight hours carving a giant block of plaster are my main culprits) stop doing that so you have wrists left to mouse with 🙂
Oh, YouTube! Why didn’t I think of that? I definitely don’t want surgery any time soon. I’m hoping I’ll get a promotion this year so I can actually afford things like regular massages!
It’s actually working all day on a computer that I think is causing it. But the knitting exacerbates it. And the knitting is what I *want* to do. But yeah, I’ve been trying to do things away from the computer and the needles, but I would find all of this easier if it were the middle of summer when I have no desire to have any wool within 10 feet of my body.
I found some guy demonstrating hand stretches for drummers on YouTube a long time ago, and I still do some of them during knitting marathons. In the short run, alternating English and continental knitting allows me to ruin both of my wrists equally!
I definitely have to parcel out my knitting time, given that I also have to type all day at work. A wrist brace helps a lot (it’s worse in one wrist than the other) but it is fiendishly complicated to knit while wearing it so mostly I wear that at work. And stretching actually does help a lot.
I definitely fucked up my wrists in some way via repetitive copy/pasting at my clerical temp job, and my patented “IGNORE MEDICAL PROBLEM UNTIL IT DISAPPEARS” approach (not clinically recommended) semi-worked. I stopped using keyboard shortcuts and slowed way down, started splinting when I wasn’t at work, and did some wrist stretches that I found on YouTube. After a while the pain stopped, but I still get wrist pain now if I do a lot of copy/pasting within a single day. So, no surgery or other interventions needed in my case, but I get the feeling I did myself at least a little permanent damage.
I’d recommend no knitting or other unnecessary wrist movements at all until your wrists haven’t hurt at all for a while, to stop whatever’s going wrong from going worse. If you have the money/inclination, going to see a doctor about it is probably a good idea.
So far 2014 has begun by….the pipes freezing in my office so we have no running water or flushing toilets. And the boss refuses to answer his phone or email. Or come in. (This is on top of his docking us stat pay for the holidays, due to A Loophole.)
Sure, why would you want to come in and fix things/have them fixed/dismiss your employees??
Also when my coworker was hired, he asked her previous salary, and said “No offense, but that’s really sad.” Now she makes $300 less than that a month. Sad indeed.
It’s generally illegal to operate a business of any kind without running water for the bathrooms, but then again…you’ll just get pay docked if you bring it up.
Worked in a similar environment once. Eventually OSHA reports were filed, and also lawsuits regarding hostile working conditions were won. Just sayin’.
SUE HIM. Sue him and set him on fire.
At the very least, document that shit – like, when you tried to call/email, what was the response/non-response, etc. in case you decide to take legal action later. It’s illegal to make you work without drinkable water & flushing toilets at least available somewhere, although if it’s a short-term situation they may not take it as seriously.
Oh yes! So much documentation going on!
I am wearing my new The Toast hoodie at work because fuck it, and IT IS SO WARM AND LOVELY AND PLEASES ME GREATLY.
Seattle Toast Meetup this weekend!
Bauhaus in Ballard
Sunday at 11AM
I will be wearing a blue hat, and I am going to try to make a sign.
I’ll be there! As I said in the other thread, green corduroy jacket, plaid scarf.
Eeeee i want to come but I has the nervous!
Aaand now my comments seem to be not showing up?
I see this one!
They all appeared at once! Weird.
I posted really late in the New Year’s Day open thread, so I’m just going to repost this to solicit comments:
I got inspired by A Year of Reading the World and am trying to set up my own attempt to spend 2014 reading books (preference is short stories or novels, poems are okay) from around the world, with an emphasis on women writers and cultural classics.
I’m thinking about tracking it on tumblr so I can have a platform to touch base with other people trying to do this sort of thing (I know the above blog was not the first one to do it, but it’s the only one I know of thanks to NPR) and trade reading recommendations. I also have a good reads account that I just started recently.. does anyone have suggestions on which would be better, tumblr or goodreads?
In the meantime, I haven’t started reading my list yet because I also started reading the Inheritance Trilogy by N. K. Jemisin. I got the first book on my kindle thanks to my state’s digital library but have to go out and get the second book in physical form from the library. Ohh, the library is a miraculous place.
Tumblr if you want exposure and a better chance to interact with others. WordPress if you want more control over the presentation, Goodreads if you just want a diary that other readers may or may not see.
This is really helpful! Thanks. I’m familiar with Tumblr (even if it’s been awhile since my general tumblr has been active) but am very new to Goodreads and have no idea how much interaction it offers.
You can also create groups on Goodreads! Groups have their own bookshelf and a discussion forum. Membership can be open to anyone or limited to people the admin approves. I’m an admin for a student organization’s Goodreads group, and it was really easy to set up (also nobody uses it, which is a little sad, but makes it really easy to maintain).
Thanks for this! I’ll check to see if there are existing groups (I imagine there are) that have similar international interests.
As someone who has run a project on Tumblr, I’ll say that the one big drawback is that it’s hard for non-Tumblr users to engage. We received some additional messages and comments via e-mail and cross-posting to Facebook, but I really have no idea what the actual size of our audience was or who would’ve commented, given an easier mechanism. If that matters to you, consider installing additional commenting/metrics tools. If it doesn’t, I’ll speak highly for Tumblr as something quick and convenient with a lot of built-in communities.
Ahhh this is very helpful! Just out of curiosity, do you mean commenting tools like disqus or something more?
I honestly don’t expect this to be a major side project, but it’s been a few years since I’ve been extremely active on tumblr and I’m sure there’s like, eleventy thousand more tools then before.
I use nothing extra on Tumblr, but Disqus seems pretty popular as a plug-in. If you care about metrics, I think there are also plugins for metrics, but I don’t know!
I am NOT on goodreads but we talk about it a lot in the librarian internet world because of all the drama. So much drama! But that’s also true of Tumblr; I think the key is just finding people you want talk to on either platform, and then going from there.
Hmm.. what kind of drama are we talking about here? Like people arguing over the merits of books and authors, or like HP fandom craziness?
Oh, everything from people using it as a platform for RP games and sexual roleplay to the whole review-deletion scandal (second item at that link), plus a lot of readers trolling authors, authors trolling readers, and everything Amazon brought to the table. It’s a gift that keeps on giving.
But every fandom’s craziness seems to be on Tumblr these days, so it’s six of one, half-dozen of another.
p.s. I meant to add this in, but you guys are quick! Aside from the above book resolution, I also want to expand my general reading repetoire beyond “white authors from the US and UK” and have begun tackling POC sci fi authors thanks to suggestions from you lovely Toasties. I’ve only read the first book but come at me if you want to chat about The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms.
2013 was…actually pretty good! Especially compared to 2012, yikes. Turns out that having a stable insular friend group is really helpful for social anxiety? Shocker, I know.
My New Year’s resolution is to have a more stable sleep schedule, at least on weekdays. I’ve been falling asleep and waking up at basically the same for all of winter break, and it’s been great! Bonus resolution is to get over this weird, lingering half-crush on one of my best friends, because it is currently doing nobody any good.
Ugh. Good luck with that last one. I’ve had a lingering crush one one of my good friends for, um….six years now? I can’t bring myself to just get over it. It’s horrible. And stupid. And I’m not sure I really want to. Which is also horrible. And stupid.
Yeah, that sounds like me! Resolution was prompted by finding out that he apparently went out on a date with one of my other good friends a few weeks ago. (Note that this is like, third-hand knowledge, and may in fact have no real implications whatsoever. And if it does work out, they would be adorable together!)
The weird feelings I have about this are 10% “goddammit dude I like is macking on someone else” and 90% “goddammit all of your other nerdy and socially maladjusted friends have reasonable healthy approaches to dating, so why are you such an emotionally constipated nightmare.”
I thought 2012 was my challenging year, but 2013 put it in the shade. Here’s to a better 2014. My resolutions:
– More fun
– Less complaining
2014 is the year when my student loan payment goes up, and becomes larger than my monthly rent. Fuck. That. Noise.
That is horrific. But thank you for the reminder to pay my loans. (One will never be paid off, and I will be looking at its ugly face for the next 24 years.)
that was the single worst thing that happened to me in 2013.
I’m belatedly celebrating 2014 by spending next weekend in New Orleans. All I know about the city comes from American Horror Story. Anyone want to give me fun ideas of things to do?
Also, any suggested reading (preferable fiction) to set the mood would be much appreciated! I have “The Men We Reaped” set up for the plane, but I know that’s not strictly New Orleans, just Gulf Coast. But I loved “Salvage the Bones” so much that I’m saving this one for the occasion.
A Confederacy of Dunces! So good.
-Go to the Faubourg Marigny! It has the same sorts of buildings as the French Quarter but isn’t nearly as touristy. dba is a fantastic bar and has live shows.
-Eat a muffuletta. Go to yelp to find the best one.
-Visit the Garden District!
-Watch a brass band, like Rebirth.
-drink lots of Abita
-eat all of the beignets
Go to Cafe Amelie, my brother is a cook there! And it has the most gorgeous courtyard if it’s warm enough to eat outside.
There’s a bar in the Garden District called the Saint that led me into one of the weirdest/funnest nights of my entire life. Also, they have good strange live music! I highly recommend it.
Oh gosh this is hard because the only thing I’m talking about right now is Sherlock. My office is dead today so I got to listen to the Three Patch Podcast roundtable while I filed this afternoon. Um. Any Toasties planning to go to 221B Con in Atlanta this April?
Okay, so 2014! By the end of it I want to be able to deadlift my bodyweight (shouldn’t be too hard) and have run my Chevelle in under thirteen seconds on the quarter mile (a little trickier).
UM, I could see myself going to that con.
AWWWWWWW YIISSSSSSSSSS
I already have my membership and hotel room.
Speaking of Tumblr, if anyone is interested in following or even taking over http://fuckyeahladylifters.tumblr.com/, please let me know because I created it, kept it going for a bit and then.. stopped. If I’m going to jump back into tumblr, I’d be interested in keeping this going if the interest is there.
YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I wish I had the time to take over that Tumblr for you because FUCK YEAH LADY LIFTERS
edit: But I will totally follow you if you take it up again yourself
Thanks! I will let you know what I end up doing with it.. I’m going to wait and see if there’s any interest here. I know that there’s a lot of “fitblrs,” and while I like the idea of posting inspiring ladies lifting lots of weight, I’m not sure if I want to follow the fitblrs on a regular basis for material. Some of the ones I was looking at back in 2012 led me down the path of judging my own progress in a negative way.
Yeah, I very briefly wrote for one of the fitblrs until they started posting recipes for things like “healthy low fat jalapeno poppers” and I was like OH HELL NO. I haven’t followed any since then. TBH I’m mostly on Tumblr for the fandom and porn, but I would follow the hell out of a blog that showcased more than just Samantha Wright and similar. I mean, she’s awesome and adorable but she’s another impossible ideal.
Hahaha, oh man, so I was like “wth is Samantha Wright?” and had to google her. Ohhhhhhhhhh. 😀 Yeah, I can see her having a tumblr following.
Weirdly enough, judging from oly folks I know, I don’t think she has a massive following within the community itself. And the comments about her are kind of weird to me.. I think Natalie Burgener and Rizelyx Rivera are also equally attractive and feminine but they don’t seem to get nearly the same buzz on the internet.. Also, no love for Zoe Smith? [I’m biased, I would say that I want to grow up to be Zoe Smith if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m older than her.]
I don’t think anyone knows (or wants to know?) how and why certain names and personalities take hold on the internet.
True! Just had to ask because reading all of the internet coverage on Samantha Wright was giving me slightly ragey feelings. She’s done well and I am not one to knock qualifying for the American Open because it’s a solid benchmark and many Americans can’t, but there are lots of women who are lifting more but are getting less love because of highly specific aesthetic preferences. Seeing “she’s really cute and really feminine and you never see that in olympic weightlifting!” just made this occasional weightlifter/powerlifter see red for a second.
Preach.
Okay, so after that rant.. I guess I’m going to keep it going!
2013:
– got promoted
– got married
– husband laid off
– have annoying and painful ovarian cyst named Oliver
Ovarian cysts are lame. I need to go see a new gynecologist. But I think I will name mine once I’ve determined how many I still have.
2013 was pretty good to me, but really shitty to several of my dear friends and extended family members. So it held a lot of sadness, but none that was primarily mine to claim, if that makes sense. I’m hoping 2014 is better for them and brings special joys.
Last year all the snow and cold felt like a Fun! New! Adventure! This year, after our 3rd major snow dump of the season, I am so over it. It’s still pretty, but knowing it won’t be warm until around May is a major downer. I loved that Christmas time was just like all the songs I grew up hearing about it being cold outside and cozy indoors, I love playing in the snow with the kids (for about an hour, then I’m done), but, man, I watched the Rose Parade on January first and I so dearly wanted to be back where I grew up, where it’s 70 degrees at 8 a.m. and people are wearing sweatshirts.
My 2013 started in a blaze of glory and flamed out three-quarters of the way through, like that one firework in every show that goes up really high but just sort of fizzles out and never explodes. I turned 31 on Christmas and it was the most difficult birthday ever. I thought about making a list of all the names I will give my cats that I do not yet own, and what colors each on will be, and which one gets to nibble my ears off.
My roommate threw a New Year’s Eve party, nearly every person I invited bailed out, some random dudes crashed and tried to hit on me, and then roommate ran off to LA to see A Boy and left me with two handles of vodka, a loaf of white sliced bread, and a giant pile of leftover brie, cucumbers, pears, and citrus. San Francisco Toasties, you are all invited to dinner.
Yesterday I was walking down the sidewalk when a small child ran up to me, yelled “Happy New Year!” and then punched me in the stomach. Is that a bad sign?
Yes. Best to restart.
Baby New Year 2014 sounds like a dick.
Depends, was it Kevin McAllister?
Maybe! This little urchin was roaming around unsupervised at night, punching tipsy strangers. At night!
Haha wow. Well maybe you’re getting your Stranger Danger out of the way early this year. With aggressive children.
So this might be cheesy, but even though 2013 was not the best, The Toast made it measurably better. I’d like to credit this site with, to use a 60’s phrase, “raising my consciousness” in regard to: intersectionality, privilege-blindness, mansplaining, recognizing defensive feelings as a signal that Maybe I’m Wrong About Something, the utter delight that is misandry, and some other things I’m forgetting right now. Also for introducing me to some seriously wonderful writers.
Okay, I’m willing to bet, given the readership of this site, that someone will have an opinion on this: what is the correct way to format punctuation around a link? Do you include it in the link? Because that looks weird to me when the link is formatted to be underlined, but if it’s just bold or a different color, it looks fine.
Do I ever have an opinion! I generally format links the same way I format quotation marks–I’ll include punctuation in the title of the target or the terminal punctuation if I’m linking a whole sentence. Otherwise, I cut the link before the punctuation.
Everything else is entirely wrong, of course.
On New Year’s Day I vowed to be more picky with who I date. Well there’s this bartender lady and she seems like just my style and she was really sweet to me the other night (not like as a job for tips, she genuinely took an interest in me, I know the difference) and I feel like visiting her bar a lot more often in the hopes of finding an appropriate window to ask her out. I guess I won’t force it, thus keeping in line with my need to be more selective and let things build instead of being fast and easy. But it really seemed like she wanted me to ask her out the other night.
I also expressed that I hope I’m injured a lot less and SURE ENOUGH I straddled the transition into the new year with a bad kink in my upper back/inner shoulder/lower neck and it won’t go away. I’m not a wuss with physical pain, I’ve experienced a lot, but this is a particularly constant irritating pain. I’ve had it for 6 days now and I hope it goes away soon. On the brighter side, I got a B-B-B-BONUS yesterday, which helps immensely with paying off last year’s stupid overly exorbitant hospital bills.
The third thing that is on my mind lately is drinking a lot less alcohol, which I’m feeling very optimistic about. I’m almost looking forward to my first challenge to keep myself in check. I’m convinced, dating a bartender is probably the best thing for me right now.
2013 was ok for me! I got a new job at the tail end of. 2012, so I spent the year getting acclimated. My husband applied and got accepted to grad school and we figured out the big “do we want kids, and if so, when/how/what do we need to do first” question. So, not much tangibly accomplished, but it was a solid transitional year.
Sorry to be self-promote-y but if you guys like the weird stuff I’ve written on here you might want to check out my Tumblr this month – I’m doing this yearly writing challenge called Januariad where you have to produce a complete piece of prose fiction every weekday. Yay gratuitous self-torture! My story from yesterday ended up being Toast fanfic! http://mollyculetheory.tumblr.com/
!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing.
FOLLOWED
$Rumplestiltskin <3 u Moll
<3 p.s. the bergy bits in my story are totally an icebergmama shoutout
It is BEAUTIFUL and perfect and everyone should go read it at once.
This is wonderful! Your sentence structure and powers of description should make me gnash my teeth with envy, but this is The Toast, so I’m floating and smiling with you. On the sea. <3
This is a beautiful and perfect satire: http://www.garygreenbergonline.com/w/?p=449
I am making a hugegantic pot of beef stew (MINE, all mine, and it smells amaaaaaazing) and watching Netflix and do not want to leave the house again until spring. It is very cold here (I mean, not Mars/Canada standards, but cold enough) and I am doing a spending/drinking freeze for a few weeks. I should probably hibernate.
2013 was terrible and now it is over. MOVING ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS.
It’s supposed to be warmer tomorrow and Sunday, though! Let us not speak of Monday.
We shall not speak of it. WEEKEND.
(I am JUST getting over the flu and do not want to think about what all the cold nastiness is going to do to me. Staying indoors forever!)
I like the phrase “Mars/Canada standards” a lot, it makes me feel like Martians might also be delightfully friendly and have lots of maple syrup and drink milk from bags etc and yes I know this is a stereotypical view of Canada but oh, do not crush my dreams please.
HI CAN WE TALK ABOUT VERONICA MARS.
Anyone see the theatrical trailer yet? I literally squealed out loud when Leo popped in. I’m really, really excited for this, and I hope with all my heart that the movie wont be a disappointment because I will be heartbroken if it is. eeeep.
I am excited. I also did a happy ‘eee’ at the sight of Leo. I don’t have much in the way of expectations – I’m just happy to see these guys together again. (Although I was wondering where Weevil was.)
I am so tickled that Weevil got MARRIED.
Yes!
Weevil showed up in another clip at some point…and is married.
It’s going to be great because Mac’s hair is amazing. I don’t care about anything else.
I hadn’t seen this trailer yet! Leo! Dick Casablancas being as terrible as ever! Who even cares if there’s a plot at this point.
The actor that plays Dick has a tee that says ‘Team Dick’ and I love it hahaha.
i’ve had so many reservations about the movie happening, because these things tend to turn out so disappointing, but I’m afraid the trailer has gotten my hopes up despite my best efforts. Leo, Mac’s hair, sexual tension, a dramatic rain scene, witty one-liners – i can’t waitttt
Aaaaah, I came to the Open Thread looking for a Veronica Mars comment. I loved the trailer, but the Lack of Jackie reminded me that I really want a Jackie/Veronica Femslash Friday. The elaborate revenges they could have wreaked!
I am very excited but also disappointed in advance that she is going to fuck over Piz. Yes, I am the lone anti-Logan/Veronica shipper. Logan is a goddamn punk and Piz is handsomer, has awesome hair, and is sweet and funny and Logan, let me reiterate, is a mopey punk. I will have none of him.
Coding circle open thread here! (I never seem to see the open thread posts until they’ve been up for hours and there are already 200+ comments, so if any of y’all who’re interested get here before me and see the coding thread isn’t here, feel free to start it–I feel bad about starting it so late every week.)
Anyone have coding resolutions for 2014? I want to get better at JavaScript and do some kind of project in Python, to get re-acquainted with it.
Eeek! SO happy to see this! I’d given up trying to find other programming Toasties. I’m transitioning from general CS degree and Java/C to Web Dev with Ruby. It’s a lot to absorb, but I’m trying to put in 1-3 hours a day on learning, contributing and networking, on top of a full-time job. (so. tired.)
I’ve also been working on building a Competency Matrix for web devs to help guide my self-education. Anyone interested in collaborating? More info on the “About” tab.
Oof, I’ve been doing a bit of web dev for work and I am hating it (ASP.Net). I am so glad to be working with C# again though; C# is so easy to write in it’s kind of scary.
PROGRAMMING TOASTIE FRIENDS UNITE?
Hit me up on Twitter as @embryoconcepts, most of my code-love goes on over there.
Basically I want to build big productivity apps for web (think Evernote or Remember the Milk). Love this stuff:)
Oooh, you can follow me @dancing_robot (I keep my account protected, but I trust you, fellow Toasties).
Lately I’m thinking that I want to go back to school and get a master’s, maybe a doctorate, because I miss that kind of structured learning, but the thought of the whole process is just so intimidating. I love programming but my current job is not a good fit (though hey, it pays well and isn’t too onerous.)
I’m at Twitter as @hurdy_burdy (I’m also protected, but have no secrets from Toasties). I’m in an LIS program now, so most of my coding is web-based and/or involves wrangling ancient and uncooperative library systems. I took a few CS classes as an undergrad and learned the basics in Python (such a friendly language!).
LIBRARIES? I adore libraries. Sent you a follow request!
Also yes, <3 Python. One of my favorite things in Python is list comprehensions. Such a nice syntax for combining things/generating lists/doing stuff.
Python was a breath of fresh air after the weirdness of Fortran (especially old school Fortran) and the mountains of exasperation from Matlab. Much Python <3 here.
LIBRARIES ARE THE BEST. And yeah, it was so easy to modify and re-organize lists o’ stuff in Python. I took it completely for granted until I started trying to do the same things with PHP and SQL, which always seems more complicated than it should be.
Yeah, I don’t know about PHP (though my friend Max dislikes it) but databases are designed to make you sad. Seriously.
I took one look at that spreadsheet and oof, am I ever not a web programmer. *scuttles back to her bash scripts and command line interface*
I think learning some more functionailty in Python’d do me good — Fortran is all fine and good for number crunching but it’s not useful beyond an academic context (or maybe it is…..?) and having some more broadly useful language skills seems a smart thing to have. I want to revamp my website, if I have time (hah!), and I’ll do that all by hand to get some more CSS skills down. We’ll see if any of that pans out — it’s not high priority at this point.
Python is an excellent language, and it’s quick to write. I’ve never written anything in Fortran, or known any contemporary codebase that used it. If you’ve never used C, C++, Java, or C#, picking up one of those would probably be very helpful. C++ or Java especially.
I did some C++ back in the dark ages (early undergrad), and sometime down the road I’ll get reacquainted with it. I’m already using Python for number crunching, but it’d be nice to have a deeper knowledge of it so I can use it more broadly, and I agree, it’s great. I picked it up far faster than any other scripting language I’ve used.
2013 wasn’t the worst year, but it wasn’t the best. 2014 is gonna be amazing and I am determined to make it that way.
I got sent home early yesterday and have today off due to the snow. This would be more awesome if I hadn’t kicked over a mug of coffee and dropped a cheese knife on the floor. Oy.
The timing really couldn’t be more symbolic for my ex (boyfriend and best friend) to relapse, crash my car, and spend the night in jail. We’ve had an undefined relationship since I broke up with him last year because of his alcoholism and what it’s done to him, and this is the most final of all final nails in the coffin.
I’m mourning more for the person I wish he’d become than the person I’m actually missing now.
Oh, I’m so sorry. Addiction is such a demon. I hope your grief is not too terrible and you have people to talk to you.
2013 could have been better. My interest in music decayed in its latter months, which is no good, but I started writing and had 3 things published in 6 months, which is a lot for me. Looks like I’ve got another forthcoming in the new year and an additional pitch that’s coming together. Never let anybody tell you that getting into fights in comment sections doesn’t pay off. It helps if you’re a sad hot mess who comes off well in interviews.
Anyway, it took all of 2012 to develop a life in New York but 2013 failed to produce much of anything for me in Denver. I had two friends in the city and both moved away, and my best friend back home seems to have moved to a point where there’s no room in her life for me anymore. I worried that I would regress socially were I to return home to Colorado and I have. It feels like high school, even down to the dependency upon good friends online. Having friends online is great but it’s like rabbit meat – great stuff, but if it’s all you eat, you’ll starve. My far-flung network is full of beautiful and compassionate people but proximity is no small thing when it comes to comfort.
Anyway, 2014 is not looking great but the weather will become warm again soon, and I’ll probably see about volunteering at the women’s center on campus to occupy my time. Hope it works out for all of you.
ALSO this has spurred me to take the plunge (ho ho) with LELO’s Mona 2 after reading Hey Epiphora!’s review and I’m pretty excited about it.
ooo, let us know how it goes! I did not like the smart wand. Oh well, I can’t exactly craigslist it!
Honestly, you probably could. Maybe cash-only, though, and meet them in a neutral location/in a different city/wearing someone else’s face?
Probably…but do I really want to meet a person who would buy that?
2013 was good to me, so I feel I should chime in to stick up for it! I fell in luuurve guys, and I finished my masters degree and got a grown-up job and explored my wonderful city. Got a sweet badass unicorn tattoo and an additional cat. And I found an apartment with a real live fireplace!
In 2014 I get serious about a skincare regime. I bought tea tree oil and witch hazel today! Wish me luck, I am usually a lazy bum.
Oh skincare! What’s your skin like? I am preaching the benefits of using a mixture of organic, raw honey (1 cup) with a tablespoon of plain castille soap mixed through. I use that in place of face wash and I love it and my skin. I had dry, irritated, flakey, and sometimes zitty skin and now I get compliments. Trying aragan oil as a moisturizer, it was 12 bucks at Whole Foods and I love it too.
You can get argan oil for cheaper at vitacost.com! It’s the best website.
I have this vague idea that I want to go back to school for public health in a year or two (another part of my ongoing mental anguish over not knowing what I want to do with my life!). I would really love to hear from anyone who did an MPH program and what kind of work you are doing now? I am really interested in food access + environment/agriculture issues + environmental justice, all of which cross paths which public health once in a while (right ?? Right?!)
I have my MPH! It’s in epidemiology, so not really at all related to what you’re interested in 🙁 BUT, I would say that the areas you mentioned (food access, environment, agriculture, environmental justice) are all definitely relevant to public health and that a public health program might be perfect for you.
I work at a university right now in diabetes research, but some colleagues in my office do research and community interventions surrounding urban food deserts and food security. Do you have any specific questions that I could help answer? Do you know if you’re interested in research, programming, public health law, etc?
Diabetes research, go you! How did you decide epidemiology? I’m not entirely sure but I think research or policy. I did a little bit helping a professor with a community health intervention in undergrad and I liked it a lot, but I liked the designing and analyzing the intervention part best.
Here in CO water is a big deal, so going into water quality regulation and the like might be an avenue worth exploring
OH! I finished not one but TWO books last night (thanks insomnia): The Adventures of Augie March (which I’ve been reading for years) and Bluebeard. I am excited to start one of the two Vonnegut novels I’ve yet to read and either The Left Hand of Darkness or Devil in the White City, which I’ve been hearing a strange amount of people talking about the latter.
I finished reading the Devil in the White City a few weeks ago! I enjoyed all the descriptions of quirky Chicago historical figures (especially that there was a lot of stuff about Carter Harrison, who is buried next to my dad in Graceland cemetery, so I feel like we’re old friends) but the H H Holmes parts where occasionally a bit too sensationalist for me — i think we’re losing them with all this boring architecture shit! quick! some totally speculative gory details! still worth the read, though.
I haven’t read Devil in the White City so I can’t present an unbiased opinion, but The Left Hand of Darkness is one of my favorite books of all time, so you should read that one.
Well I ordered both from Abebooks, along with The Three Musketeers, so I’ll get around to both or switch between them all intermittently– I like doing that.
I’m reading DITWS RIGHT NOW and am really really loving it.
Oh man, I just want to be your friend now. Vonnegut AND LeGuin AND Devil in the White City??? I really liked Devil in the White City, and I actually didn’t feel like there was too much speculation. Also, I read one of his other books “In the Garden of Beasts” which is a super-fascinating look into immediately pre-Nazi Germany through the life of the American ambassador at the time. I found it creepy and interesting, because I felt like it did a good job of exploring how easy it could have been to shut your eyes to what was going on.
Oh MAN is that book amazing. Your synopsis #YES #seconded
Not to weigh it down with a lot of expectations, but Bluebeard is my favorite Vonnegut novel ever. I’m kind of jealous you’re getting to read it for the first time! Enjoy!
No I just finished that one last night! It was really good, seemed more heartfelt than his other ones. Well, heartfelt about being jaded or recovering from heartbreak after heartbreak–which I can identify with 😉 I want to see what’s in the potato barn! All I have left is Mother Night, Deadeye Dick, and Galapagos.
OMG GALAPAGOS IS MY FAVORITE. Probably because it’s not much like any of his other books (at least not the ones I read). I find he tends to get a little monotonous after a while, but Galapagos is so cool and so different.
I love Devil in the White City but it gave me Shirley-Jackson-level nightmares.
Oh man, Augie March took me foreeevvvveeer to finish.
aaaaaaaaahahahha just heard a white man say that because he’s “worked very hard” to get nice things in life he has no privilege. appropriate facial expressions?
so, you know, you got options
many thanks! These are all perfect! (and widely applicable to more than just white wankers)
2014 starts for me leaving tomorrow on a month long collecting expedition to Cape Horn. Wish me luck. And smooth seas!
Good luck and smooth sailing! Tell us all about it when you’re back in the realm of good/cheap wifi!
Wow! That sounds amazing! I want to hear all about it when you return.
Wait, ferns? Tell me about your ferns!
Aaahhhh! you got my pun! Yay! But, no, actually, I don’t collect ferns. EVEN BETTER: I collect liverworts. But couldn’t come up with a nice punny avatar for that. Will post details when I return!
Liverworts are better. Agreed. I wait with bated breath.
guysss i’m experiencing full-blown SSRI withdrawal right now after a mix up with my new insurance that i still haven’t figured out how to fix. simultaneously so horrified and a tiny bit fascinated to be experiencing “brain shivers,” and now feeling like if i’m going to basically go through detox/face the concrete evidence of what terrors my medication has been doing to my body all this time, maybe I should just try to go the unmedicated route indefinitely and see if it’s tenable, but i also know that maybe that is the emerging voice of my anxiety disorder demanding free reign. words of advice/encouragement/related experiences?
I definitely sympathize with not wanting to think about what potential permanent changes my meds have made in my brain, & I’ve thought about tapering them off now that I’m not going to grad school and working full-time simultaneously (NB: that was a terrible idea, don’t do it). I think that if you do want to try not taking the meds, you should do whatever you can to get insurance anyway, so you can get off them gradually rather than all at once, and keep reminding yourself that anxiety disorders do everything they can to convince you that you’re stuck feeling this way forever no matter what you do, which is because they are evil and selfish and controlling.
And if you need medication, you need medication. Some people have permanent orthodontia – that changes the way their mouth works, but they’re better off for having it.
Do you have a doctor, therapist or psychopharmacologist? If so, please call him or her and discuss the situation. It’s usually not recommended that one abruptly stop SSRIs.
Also, if the insurance mix up is about the ability to pay for your meds, know that Walmart, Target, CVS and many other pharmacies have $4/month or $10/3 months prices w/o insurance for lots of generic meds, including some common anti-Ds.
clarification: i have insurance that covers my medication, i’m just having trouble getting them to physically give it to me as a result of some sort of bureaucratic confusion with their mail-order medication system wherein my medications have not arrived in the mail and the pharmacy won’t fill the prescription because it’s coming up as having just been filled through mail order. i’m definitely not just stopping cold turkey because i think it is a fun or brilliant idea! just, this frustrating and physically unpleasant experience is making me have thoughts about stopping in the future, which i would do by tapering off with the help of my doctor.
Eeesh, what a stupid beaurocratic situation with real consequences for your brain. Any chance your pharmacy will give you a few pills while it gets worked out? Is there a tracking number for your package?
I had similar situation recently where my water was turned off for non-payment even though I’d paid the bill. The bank said the payment had gone through and the water dept said they’d never received it. Meanwhile, I didn’t have the money or the water I’d paid for for 36 hours while I argued with each in turn. Finally, the water dept just gave up and turned my water back on. Eventually the payment went through.
Ugh that is the worst! It’s unfortunate that this sort of situation seems to be so common, where there is so obviously a simple resolution but you are powerless to force the people around you to act on that resolution. There’s no tracking number (because that would be far too convenient) and my phone calls to the pharmacy have met with little sympathy, but I think I might drag myself there after work and see if my sad face can convince them to give me some in the interim.
I ended up going to the water dept with my bank statement showing I’d paid the bill online. That’s when they relented and turned the water back on even though their records didn’t show it as paid. Maybe something similar would convince the pharmacy to give you at least a partial prescription.
How frustrating. I’d suggest calling your doctor now (talking with the doctor on call if the office isn’t open), both to help figure out how to straighten out the current situation (in case the withdrawal is not only unpleasant but actually dangerous), and to make an appointment to discuss your thoughts on the medications long term.
About the second point, keep in mind you don’t have to make a Forever Decision. If you feel like you need a change, work with your doc to do it safely, and reevaluate how you’re feeling in a few months. Sometimes it’s tough to remember but there are almost always many options: taper off, go back on, try a different med, adjust the dosage, etc.
Good luck!
I want to get more creative this year, maybe by starting to draw some. Anybody have thoughts on a good starting point for someone who hasn’t really drawn anything since mandatory middle school art classes and can’t afford to pay for a class right now?
There’s an art center by me that has open studio figure drawing sessions for around 10 bucks (with an instructor). Maybe that could be a once-in-a-while thing, if there is a place around you that offers something similar, to get some instruction and feedback from a teacher that you can use when you draw on our own.
Draw something every day! Have a little sketchbook, and draw your lunch or something. Practice practice!
Are you hoping more to draw things you can see or things you can imagine?
Either way, actually, it helps to copy drawings you like. Put them next to your notebook and just try to get your lines to do what their lines are doing.
You can try sitting in a place with a window that looks out on a street and drawing people as they walk by — they’re moving fast, so you don’t have time to try to make it perfect, which can be really helpful. Just try to get their general shape and motion.
Lynda Barry’s books What It Is and Picture This are generative and user-friendly — they both have a lot of thoughts about drawing, writing and making in them, as well as concrete exercises that you can try (and that she uses in her classes).
Toasties, it is my birthday, but I have had about 15 days in a row of Christmas/New Years, and as usual, I am totally partied out and don’t want to even think about another big meal. Here’s to spending Friday night birthday in–assisted by Christmas books! This year I received The Luminaries, Bringing Up The Bodies, and a Wodehouse compilation. I think my New Year’s resolution is to read one good book per week until the baby comes, after which all bets are off.
Happy birthday! Have a party for your half birthday instead.
Ahhhh, that sounds like a beautiful birthday. WODEHOUSE BIRTHDAYS 4EVAH
Ahhh! This is the best.
OMG no seriously I can’t stop watching it.
If I reload, sometimes it will freeze with the toast at various positions–one eye peeking out of the toaster, at the apex of his little arc, etc.–and it is hilarious.
DOMO TOAST!!!!! omg
Toasties, what is your thought process for making big purchases? I’m considering buying this bed. It is just over $900 with delivery charges and tax: http://www.westelm.com/products/vonnegut-kraft-be…
I really need a new mattress, as I have a very old full sized one I got for free, and I would like to upgrade to a queen set-up. I have a mattress picked out, I just need a bed to put it on. I could just get boring rails but I make pretty good money and I spend A Lot of time in bed so I should enjoy it? Plus there are sexy reasons to be attracted to this particular bed. But I’m not sure this one goes with the dresser I have? And there are any number of cheaper nice looking beds? Maybe I should get an upholstered headboard because that sounds comfortable to lean against while reading and Netflixing in bed (which I spend a lot more time doing than having sex in my bed anyway) or maybe that would be less durable?
Related: anyone else like Into the Woods? Every time I pull this bed up on my browser I’m all “You think, what do you want?/ You think, make a decision…”
My thought process for making big purchases is panicking and hiding. It took me four months after I started commuting by bike on a bike that was given to me in middle school that I was half a foot at least too tall for to buy a new bike. Such a good decision though, since I don’t drive. And now I get exercise occasionally!
Bed-related: I keep wanting to buy Pottery Barn Kids’ queen-sized Star Wars sheets… Nerdy guys like nerdy girls with Star Wars sheets, right? They’re just so expensive that I can’t quite justify it. I could get reasonable sheets for way cheaper, but… X-Wings…
Try and stick to what you know you need / want. Especially with big purchases it’s easy to live on the margins – you’re paying $900, why not go for the $920 model? That can add up.
My thought process is usually to latch on to a certain way of doing something or a certain product to buy, and then (if it’s expensive), spending the next month/year after I buy it filled with a residual amount of guilt and regret every time I look at or use it. So, you could try that.
Do you have $900 in your furniture savings account? if yes, then buy! If no, then wait on sad old bed.
I do have the money. But is this really the thing I want? Is there a better thing? A thing that is equally good but cheaper?
My rationale for this is pretty simple, though not remotely foolproof. It’s just this: once you commit to The Big Purchase, you stop looking. No more window shopping, unsubscribe from any furniture emails, no browsing the beds and mattresses sections of websites. Once you have it, you pay attention to what you have, not what you don’t.
If you don’t keep track of other (and perhaps better) options that might surface later, you reduce your chances for buyer’s remorse. And you’ll end up with something that you want instead of interminably waiting to get something better someday.
Spend a week trying to find something better. If you do, get the better one. If you don’t, get the one you picked! And then like Elsa said, never ever shop for a bed again (until it comes time you need a different bed, much later).
I think if you have been considering it for a couple of weeks and you still want it, and you have the money, AND YOU’VE MEASURED YOUR DOORFRAME/ALL RELEVANT SPACES (I have furniture size-related trauma), go ahead and buy it. Life’s too short to be uncomfortable, and if you’ll really spend that much time in/on it, it’s totally worth it. If the $900 would legitimately be a hardship for you though, I’d look for a cheaper option.
You make a good point. I should measure things.
Especially before the next time you move to a new apartment without measuring anything and then you insist on making your friends try to cram the biggest heaviest couch of all time into a space where it CLEARLY WON’T FIT and then get really mad at them. (NOT LIKE I WAS ONE OF THOSE FRIENDS OR ANYTHING)
No but seriously, there are lots of beds in the world, and many of them are nice and could make you perfectly happy, so just pick one and buy it. The comfort is worth the money, but the money is not worth needless agonizing for weeks on end!
OH JEEPERS MEASURE EVERYTHING TWICE. In addition to measuring all your doorways, if you have any tight entrances or weird angles, consider the entire space. For example, our exterior front door and interior front door are at a right angle, which means we have to be able to turn any furniture 90º to get it in the door.
I really really want to go to the Korean spas in my area but I can’t convince anyone to come with me. :(. And DC/Baltimore toasties want to go spend time in a warm room to escape the all pervasive cold?
My husband, baby (who is now a toddler), and I have been in the Chicago-area (oak park) for two years and we still have no friends. Is there anyone looking to hang out with some slightly introverted, but cool (hah) parents and their (almost) two-year old?
I am replying, not, unfortunately, with relevant coordinates, but in prospective solidarity. My husband has been interviewing all over the place for residency slots, so come June, I may be moving, with a 3 month old, and without a job, to any of a number of cities. Chicago is on the list–if I end up there, we can all be slightly stand-offish-but-ultimately-friendly at each other.
That would be wonderful! and sounds like us 2 years ago (we moved here for my clinicals [uncertain of which city we’d end up in at first too] and my husband has been staying at home with our daughter ever since, not working in the traditional sense). If you do end up in Chicago it is a wonderful city. We love it here.
Good luck with the move wherever it takes you. We moved with a two month old and just did whatever we could while she was sleeping or wearing her!
I have had some good luck with making new friends in the past through meet-ups and such. More recently, I’ve put organizing meet-ups on the back burner because it’s a lot of work and only sometimes do they pan out. But I could be roused to action again!
We could make it Toast-related by going to see Samantha Irby?
Is this a bad sign if I don’t know who/what Samantha Irby is? 🙁
Sorry I didn’t write back sooner! My puny laptop is often unable to handle Toast comments, or maybe it was the website? Anyway, you can read Samantha Irby’s stuff by searching for her name on this site and she is HILARIOUS and reads at The Hideout sometimes. I have no real idea why I don’t go to Hideout comedy stuff more. There’s easy parking and it’s cheap.
But good lord I’m not going out any more than necessary for the rest of this month.
Cooking Toasties: when making a wine-based pan sauce, what do you use? Both like, grape variety and actual specific recommendations would be appreciated. I tend to drink cheap wines, and for white I mostly drink the Chateau Ste. Michelle Riesling (super cheap here on the west coast, but too sweet for most cooking applications, except in risotto because fuck it I’m just gonna put a million Parmesan in anyway).
Actually: good cheap box wines that are not too sweet and not too dry would be excellent recommendations…
I like the Bota Box riesling and syrah, both for drinking. They both do decently when cooking, too.
I know I’ve seen the Bota Boxes at some of the stores around here but I can’t remember where. I’ll try and get my roommate to drive me to the store to get a box of one! (I can’t drive; only bike.)
I use whatever the cheapest wine in the store is, because I am a classy broad.
CLASSY BROADS UNITE! I’m so pro-cheap wine! The white wine I usually drink can be bought for about $6 a bottle. I have yet to find a red that doesn’t taste crappy for that cheap, but I basically only ever spend $10 or less.
Whatever I grab first, which is 90% likely to have come from Trader Joe’s and been chosen based solely on label graphics.
Pretty pictures are the best way to pick wines.
Um… is there another way of buying wine?
90% of the time, dry vermouth, since we have it on hand anyways. 10% of the time, whatever I’m drinking that night (but I like dry wines mostly anyhow)
I drank a lime & soda at the pub tonight, and left early to go for a run, but do I really want to be that person?? Ugh January.
I have a MacBook Pro from 2009 that’s starting to crap out on me. I can’t afford to replace it, so I’ve been thinking about getting an iPad when I get my tax refund this year (assuming I’ll get one, that is). Is it worth the extra couple hundred bucks to go for the big-size iPad Air vs. the mini? I have an iPhone, and I feel like the ipad mini isn’t THAT much bigger than my phone. The main things I do are read stuff like the Toast and watch Netflix. Does anyone have an opinion of bigger screen vs. less $$?
I am sorry about your computer! I have (had?) a 2007 white macbook that had a cracked screen (but I used it fine) and my husband decided to “fix it” and now the screen is unusable. I’m trying really hard not to be pissed at him, as we have other computers, but that was basically the one thing I owned and your comment made me realize how mad I actually am. Sorry about that! Good luck!
Do you want to watch Netflix while holding something in your hand, or while looking at something that’s propped somewhere? I’d go full-sized if you don’t plan to hold it always… But, that all depends on how much $ you actually have to spend. You might also look at the refurbished section of the online apple store – I got my iMac there a couple years ago for a nice discount, and it came looking completely new and has had no troubles at all…
If you’re willing to go PC you can get a lot of computer for like $500-$600 these days.
Just got a chromebook for christmas for under $250- I like having a keyboard on which to type extensive internet comments, so it works great for me. Not sure how it would be with netflix, but it streams hulu just fine.
If you’re looking to save money I’d definitely shop outside the apple world- there’s a lot out there that might suit your needs/ budget.
Hi all, I’m late to the party as usual. Soooooooo this week I told my partner about my worsening depression and called 5 potential therapists, which I am proud of but was insanely terrifying. Aaaaaaaand he didn’t leave me (not that he rationally would, but you know, my brain doesn’t work so). PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SUCCESS STORIES
GREAT JOB! You have already taken the most terrifying step of telling people and calling therapists, so mad props to you, forever. I know a bunch of people who were getting progressively more miserable with depression and/or anxiety, started getting treatment, and stopped feeling miserable. Good luck to you!
Oh good job! Way to go!
So here is my success story that is sort of a real story. I needed to be seeing someone like yesterday and god did I try. First dude was way too expensive and just not…. not good. Then I started grad school, and was referred to an intern doing CBT. I stuck with this foolio for FIVE WEEKS (okay, maybe he isn’t a foolio, just not for me) where he asked if I was an alcoholic/did I need eye openers/judged my casual sex and then thought a WORK BOOK would somehow deal with my anxiety, hi, if I could do that, I wouldn’t see you. So I quit, which was empowering! Then I literally had just… a bad bad bad four months (death, grad school, massive infections, stress, etc.) and finally got back on the horse after going to of all things a self-compassion workshop (which was kinda like group, very unlike me) and had like six sessions with an intern who was just… she was great. And maybe it was because I knew there was an end point or maybe I was just so beaten into submission, but it DID work out and I am thinking of trying to find someone awesome again.
It is so hard. There’s no right way. But you’re trying and that’s really, really important. Internet fist in the air to you and big smile.
HORMONES! I am about 6 months pregnant, and every night my dreams/nightmares alternate between dreams of my husband leaving me (although I’m not pregnant in those dreams and also not remotely worried he will leave in real life), and sexy dreams (also featuring my husband). These are literally the only dreams I have had for the last month. WHEN WILL IT END? Does that happen to every pregnant lady?
On the plus side, we have finally furnished the nursery. Hurray for a place for the kid to sleep! My husband plans to begin painting a mural on the wall this weekend.
I had those dreams too – right up until the very end!! Now they’ve been replaced with nightmares of terrible things happening to my baby. I want the sexy dreams back!!!
1st trimester was non-stop sexy dreams, about all kinds of people and objects and furniture pieces.
2nd trimester has been all super weird elaborate stress dreams. I would very much like the sex dreams back.
We just got a crib and a changing table on Monday! Still have to replace floor, strip lead paint, and repaint the nursery, but you know, 4.5 months left… Plenty of time, right?
Ugh, toasties! 2013 ended with a bang (kind of like, literally) but now 2014 is beginning with a whimper because man troubles. Bref, it’s probably just communications/priorities issues (and this wasn’t meant to be a longterm thing) but it’s depressing me to be single and having man problems already in 2014.
Also, considering quitting therapy despite man problems because I hate how draining and unpleasant it feels to constantly discuss how [insert deeply upsetting thing] is causing me problems now. Sorry for the extended whinge–I’m not usually super fond of the self-pity, but tonight I’m really not loving life.
Perhaps you would like a different kind of therapy? CBT is more focused on feeling better, and less focused on rehashing deeply upsetting things… (And I must point out that I mean cognitive-behavioral therapy, not cock and ball torture, because the latter is always the first thing I think of given the acronym – though who knows! that might help too.)
Lemonade is a better answer, but I will say that quitting therapy because it was very much not helping me and draining resources I needed to survive was very empowering. That being said, it sounds like maybe you just need someone else who should fucking respect that it is draining and you deserve to not leave every session feeling like you’ve been flogged. Maybe its just a bad match!
As someone who had man problems while being single for a good eleven (maybe twelve, depending) months, I am so sorry and fuckkkk that.
True fact! Maybe a should try either of the above. Although cognitive-behavioral therapy sounds a bit less fun in some ways….I am over talking about my problems blah blab blah.
I agree with lemonadefish! 3K could be enough. I'd pare down to the basic furniture objects to get you off the ground (mattress, blankets, maybe a pot and pan) at minimal cost. If you're single, look on craigslist or work your friendly connections (or hey, the toast!) to find a room to let (this would work better in a big city). Then all that's left is finding some employment quickly — temp jobs, maybe waitress or retail if you must, to kick things off with. Then you just have to bite the bullet and make things happen! You can do it! I believe in you! ~chase ur dreams~
2013 was the best year, it was the worst year. Actually not the worst, but it was pretty difficult and harrowing and scary! I woke up from sleepwalking through 2011-2012 – quit my job, moved cities and industries, really opened my soul to my boyfriend of 4 years, recovered quite a bit from the chonic depression that keeps me down at the wrong times. I have a lot, lot farther to go in 2014, but I'm extremely happy to be progressing quickly in the right direction.
Here's all my best wishes, may the denizens of The Toast thrive and prosper in 2014! *clinks glass
I finished Devil in the White City two weeks ago and it was historically interesting but not great. It read like a book that probably made a great pitch to the publisher but didn't live up to its own expectations. No one wants to hear THAT much about Frederick Law Olmstead's dental issues.
Second Bittersweet though on Bluebeard being my hands-down favorite Vonnegut!
Yeah – the women's medium looks way short and wide, though to be fair it doesn't look quite so square when it's on. (Mine just arrived in today's mail, actually, and I've just now tried it on!) I may keep it as a sleeping/lounging shirt; I may not be proclaiming the misandry to the world, but I will sleep soundly wrapped up in it.
Two Bluebeards!? Cat's Cradle is clearly the best! Player Piano is also an acceptable answer. This comment had nothing to do with the time right now, nor with the frustration of having too little booze in my system.
Followed right back! Haha, oh my, I can imagine the type of tweets the no-underscore Hayley would make. The 'sass' part was actually an acronym for an old blog I used to run, I really should change it, but old habits and what have you.
I went to the gym today for the first time in four months (I’ll spare you my protestations about how this is not New Year related), ran a bit, and now have a dry, hacking cough but I swear it’s because I have a cold and not because my lungs are that shocked by exercise.
Oh my god it's both surprising and weirdly reassuring to me that anyone would think of me as a "Known Professional"!!
That's exactly why I shared it: because that's how you look to me, and have for as long as I've been reading your work. I think a lot of writers feel like we're faking it, or not quite professional, or otherwise at sea*.
Your remark about pitching made me feel, paradoxically, a little more professional and competent in solidarity, so thank you.
*Remember that we always have the option of taking to the sea.
It's the menthol! Most cats really hate menthol – they will recoil from it when they catch the scent.
Following! I am Tekkah!
Sorry I didn't write back sooner! My puny laptop is often unable to handle Toast comments, or maybe it was the website? Anyway, you can read Samantha Irby's stuff by searching for her name on this site and she is HILARIOUS and reads at The Hideout sometimes. I have no real idea why I don't go to Hideout comedy stuff more. There's easy parking and it's cheap.
But good lord I'm not going out any more than necessary for the rest of this month.