Today is the birthday of one Alan Alda, a fine human being and a friend of the Toast. There are no iterations of Alan Alda that are not perfect and loveable. Jack’s dad on 30 Rock? Maximum Alda. Classic-M*A*S*H* era? Platonic ideal of Alda. Judge for Math-O-Vision? Alda as he was meant to be. Host of Scientific American Frontiers? All the Alda that’s fit to print.

I will brook no irony, no sly asides, in our celebration of Alan Alda on his 77th birthday today. We will commemorate it by discussing any of his many books, awards, achievements, and notable roles.

First we must begin with The Oh, Hello Walking Tour of NYC from nick kroll on Myspace. Watch it immediately; there is a very good joke about Alan Alda water about 2/3rds of the way through.

This intro to the “Oh, Hello” show features at least one shot of Alan Alda’s autobiography. In many ways I feel like John Mulaney and Nick Kroll are Alan Alda’s comedy sons, and if they were somehow stitched together into one man they would become him.

I cannot say that I advocate stitching John Mulaney and Nick Kroll together, but I would not stop you if you did it.

Happy Birthday, Hawkeye. The only criticism I will ever brook about you is that you are not Peter Falk, but that is hardly your fault.