This post originally appeared on January 7th, 2014.
Previously in Canadian anthropological studies: Facts About Thanksgiving.
1. Guess. It’s as good a strategy as any.
2. They are behaving towards you exactly as they always have, yet you somehow feel strangely guilty.
3. Something has changed in the wind.
4. You mention them in a Tweet, and they do not “favorite” it. Instead, they “favourite” it on Secret Canadian Twitter where you cannot see it and experience the associated sense of goodwill.
5. Your weekly batch of homemade cookies only came with chocolate chips, instead of both chocolate and butterscotch, like normal.
6. They apologize to you for something unrelated.
7. They do not make sure your hearts line up when you hug.
8. They do not email to remind you about your parents’ wedding anniversary. They merely bcc: you on their own congratulatory email to your parents.
9. They reply to your emails with only one smiley face.
10. They smile politely and say “It’s certainly possible” or worse, “I can see that.”
11. Tells you less frequently, perhaps only on a daily basis, how much your friendship means to them.
12. The Canadian originally types ‘this is disappointing,’ then wakes up at three am to change it to ‘this is disappointing! Oh, well.’
13. They share an article on Facebook by someone they know you do not like.
14. When you mention a book you loved as a child but could never remember the title of offhandedly in a conversation, they do not track it down and buy it for you, but merely tell you the name.
15. They burn down the White House.
Tags: advice, canada, nicole and mallory, nicole has done literally all of these things to mallory, passive aggression, something something canada
American Twitter throws us for a loop with incorrect spelling.
"In Queenston Heights and Lundy's Lane, our brave fathers side by side for freedom, homes and loved ones dear bravely fought and nobly died"
The Maple Leaf Forever's second verse is my favourite patriotic 1812 song. Mainly because it's about defending freedom against the Americans.
*squee* I'm so happy for all the Canadian content on this Toastiversy.
The cookie only has chocolate chips though….no butterscotch
'8. They do not email to remind you about your parents’ wedding anniversary. They merely bcc: you on their own congratulatory email to your parents.'
Stone cold.
…and then you go a tad too far, as did the Bosch in WWI or the Nazi party in WWII and they go to war against you. Then you're sufficiently screwed because the term STORMTROOPER was originally used by the Germans to refer to Canadian troops because they WOULD attack both AS and DURING a storm. Proving you can only push someone polite for so long before you crack the veneer of truly passive aggressive and let out the somewhat repressed aggressive that demands an outlet. They will however send you an appropriately addressed punctuated, correctly spelled and stamped notice to the effect that you are now officially the target.
Not Canadian, but you can still come have beer and cookies while we watch Hockey Night in Canada, eh.
holy shit i do this. what the hell are we canadians??
That does it! I wont move to Canada. I couldn't stand the abuse.
ART
Oh Gosh! I'm trying to figure out how to reply to an email from an evil ex, and was contemplating just signing my name without "Best wishes" but it just seemed SO HARSH. Could I really just answer the question with no pleasantries? (or proper format with a greeting, etc.)?
This list is hilarious and so true. I love #7.