Social scientists working on a decades-long population study have recently concluded that every single living resident of the United States suffers from a condition known as imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments, except for you, an actual fraud who is almost certainly on the verge of being found out by the people who only think they love and respect you any day now.
“Despite external evidence of their competence,” sufferers of imposter syndrome “remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.” This is true of every adult you have ever come into personal and professional contact with over the course of your (duplicitous and underhanded) life; every one of them is selling him- or herself short and being far too hard on themselves. By an odd coincidence, every single American who isn’t you lives in a constant and unfounded state of self-recrimination and doubt for no good reason. The sole exception to this, once again, is of course you, whose occasional fits of self-loathing and doubt are in fact the only brushes with honesty you have ever experienced.
Imposter syndrome can be both dangerous and damaging to the psyche, scientists point out — except in your case — and sufferers should be aware of the several therapies available for treating their needless suffering. Living with imposter syndrome can cause an otherwise healthy, likable, competent person (with you, once again, proving the sole exception, as you only appear to be all of those things) to be unable to recognize their own inherent worth and suffer from needless feelings of inadequacy.
In your case, however, scientists point out that you are bound to be discovered and unmasked as soon as this week; it is only a matter of time before everyone turns on you.
Scientists point out that you are bound to be discovered and unmasked as soon as this week.
*dons concealing hat*
*paints on moustache*
*flees to Brazil*
I’m already in Brazil
IT DOESN’T HELP
dammit
This is a violent personal attack.
I knew it! *goes and cries in a corner*
Thank God this doesn’t apply to me ::goes back to working on my novel::
haaaaaa
ha
ha
*lies on floor*
Sounds like it’s time to take to the sea… but I’m not as good of a sailor as everyone thinks I am… 🙁
But your boat is so beautiful and the sails put up perfectly and… wait, what’s this? You tied this bowline incorrectly… ::backs away in horror::
I applied to grad school this year and inadvertently brought The Moment of Unmasking upon myself 🙁
You’ll be in good company once you get in!
That title is the most brilliant title that ever titled.
Just as I’ve always known. Actually I’m glad you’ve confirmed it; I feel less crazy now.
Having now read the article, my only words are, “Oh my lord.”
But I thought I was faking it so well. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.
In completely unrelated news, I plan to spend the rest of the afternoon in the fetal position near my still- incomplete dissertation.
This week! I thought I had at least another month!
Oh, you think you’re so smart. Little did you know, for the past 20 years I’ve been using an advanced system of self-deprecating humor and “fearless” honesty to circumvent the inevitable trauma of being unmasked by someone else at a later date, sometimes even tricking the non-fuckups into friendship/relationships/marriage.
Y’all never gonna catch me.
[ETA] #sciencesux
Luckily I have no accomplishments, so I don’t feel like an impostor, just a loser!
Well shoot.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit you’re on to me…. oh, wait. America? Phew. Fine.
Not gonna be found out just yet.
Cut to the bone, this one.
Thank you <3
I KNEW IT
Mallory sees into my soul in a Being John Malkovich way.
It’s my head, Ortberg! It’s MY HEAD!!!
Inverse Dunning-Kruger? You cannae reverse the polarities Cap’n! We’re all dooooooooom- *static*
I am just finishing* the last, always-frustrating polish on an article, so this was well-timed and not helpful.
*WHAT
I AM TAKING A BREAK
I AM ALLOWED TO TAKE A BREAK
IT KEEPS ME FRESH
NO YOU SHUT UP.
brb, hiding under my desk
Well, shoot.
Yep, I’m steering myself toward full-fledged delusions of grandeur.
too real, Mallory. TOO REAL.
But what happens when Dunning-Kruger and Imposter Syndrome have a dance-off with each other in the smoky dive bar of your soul
Printing this out to carry in my wallet for the next time my therapist/mother/date tells me I’m way too hard on myself. NO YOU ARE!
As someone who does not have impostor syndrome and believes very much in human incompetence, this article was confusing at first.
As someone who does not have impostor syndrome and believes very much in human incompetence, this article was confusing at first.
Someone at the Onion reads the Toast, guys. This article they just published yesterday is rather shockingly similar. http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-today-the…
The rational part of me thinks it’s POSSIBLE it’s a coincidence, but then the other less rational part of me is too busy yelling at the Onion for plagiarism.
Joining you in the yelling _directly_.
Ah, it’s such a relief to know I’m a healthy person… For months people tried to convince me that I had this syndrome, but I always knew I was just an amazing impostor.
I love this more than I can say.
That’s what I’ve been saying!
I love the capitalization there…"Moment of Unmasking" Catchy!
I’m so vain I think this article is about me.