“Oh…No, My Thing Is Happening”: Women Leaving Tactfully In Western Art History -The Toast

women1

i don’t know what you mean, Charles
that is the door
well it looks a hell of a lot like a window to me
darling i’m so sorry but if that won’t open i’m afraid there’s no other way to get inside
i came an awfully long way to see you
ahh i know it’s so terrible but
nothing i can do about how windows are made
you could at least come outside to see me
oh if only were that simple
it is simple
come to the window
we can still talk to one another
oh Charles
you’re so beautifully naïve

women2

ok you can just drop me off here

women3

if only there were a way for us to be together, Clarence
how happy I would be
yet fate has cruelly conspired to keep us apart
the gate has a latch, my angel
all you have to do is lift it and we are united
if only I could, my love
yet my hands are so faint from lovesickness I daren’t
then I’ll climb the gate, my darling
fences mean nothing to me
no no
you must not do that
but why
yes why indeed
why anything
why?? I often ask the heavens
but it is no use
we are like another Pyramus and Thisbe
farewell, my love

women4

I’m sorry, Pierre, but you know I can’t hear you when I’m sitting down

women5

if the old man leans forward just another inch I could clear his head and make the window

women6

sorry, lads
I cannot accompany you another step on your journey
much as I have enjoyed your tales
I can go no further
the water is not deep
and we have plenty of room in the boat
and plenty of stories yet to share with you
join us!
oh gosh
I honestly wish that I could
but I
cannot
cross
running water
I thought that was witches
yes
that
I’m that thing
I’m witches, I’m too witches to come, sorry

women7

oh nooo
this dog is pulling me backwards
I guess I can’t come home with you after all
sorry sorry sorry, dog problems

bye

so there’s nothing here to keep me from just falling off the edge and swimming away
or wherever, swimming wherever

war

to hell with Paris and Ajax and all the rest of them
I could stay here with you forever
I am finished with war
do you know what I’ve suddenly realized, my angel
what’s that
heroism is deeply important to me
what?
yes
I love
sacrifices and yelling and heading nobly into a spear
that is the highest and most glorious thing a man can do
oh it pains me greatly and right up to see you go
but I’m–
but go you must