Oh, my God, you guys, this week. Have you ever woken up at two in the morning because the light in the bathroom went on and you didn’t think anybody else was in your part of the house? You spend so much of your adult life trying to tamp down those fears — don’t be ridiculous, go to sleep, of course there’s no one in the house with you who’s not supposed to be — EXCEPT FOR THIS TIME THERE WAS AND IT WAS AWFUL.

I am making Nicole take me to Mimi’s in order to soften my heart towards her once again. Then I am going to go on vacation for a WHOLE WEEK and not even look at the site or my email or maybe even Twitter, just drive around the dang American West with my grandmother and it’s going to be flippin’ dipsicles. I’m so excited that Jaya and Matt are going to be here while I’m gone, please bombard them with requests for cat pictures and outlandish sketches of the jokes you make in the comments.

Hey, remember the last five days on this website? Pretty great, right? Let’s remind ourselves of the highlights:

• Trains good, people bad
• “draw them all exactly the same size“
• Makin’ jokes about magical realism
• I can’t even bring myself to look at these imaginary literary slash sestinas, they’re so perfect/horrifying
• “I was twenty-six when I realized I was a woman.” Is there anything better than trans women telling their own stories and converting to Judaism? I don’t know, maybe a really good BLT.
• Buying rounds is stupid but Jo Livinstone is wonderful
• JULIET: help me sneak out tonight
  im gettin married
  then im gettin laid
  NURSE (stubs out cigarette): fuckin HELL YEAH

Fuckin’ hell yeah, guys.