Last week at SXSW, one forum introduced the latest in wearable technologies.
1. Bracelet that knows all your passwords.
2. Necklace that knows all your secrets.
3. Earrings that whisper affirmations to you before important meetings.
4. Skateboard Feet.
5. Sleeveless Slanket.
6. An engagement ring that shouts “It’s a lab diamond!” anytime someone mentions DeBeers within 100 feet.
7. One of those one-man-band rigs but the knee cymbals have solar panels.
8. A lil venture capitalist bro that fits in your pocket and finances your content buys at the bodega.
9. Wifi suit.
10. Wifi wig.
11. Headphones that are supposed to let you listen to music without bothering those around you but really project a weak version of any song’s bassline to at least half a subway car.
12. Ring watch that actually works.
Tags: “It’s a vintage diamond!” model is in the works, jaya saxena, sxsw, the bracelet actually uses your heartbeat to verify your identity and it’s a bit scary, wearable tech, wifi wig
Advances in wearable tech that we’d like to see:
1) Belt that automatically loosens while you are eating
2) A google glass that makes you look less douchey
Advances in wearable tech that we probably won’t see:
1) Shoelaces that don’t unravel
2) A google glass that makes you look less douchey
Advancing belt technology only props up the oppression we all feel with pants, especially during a good ass meal. Down with belts! No pants, no masters! Something, something, pantriarchy!
Pantriarchy. 🙂
2) A google glass that makes you look less douchey They attempted this in v4 but it was completely and utterly hopeless in UAT.
A monocle that plays Flappy Bird. Galoshes that report on water level, water temperature, and direction of current. A parasol with one of those curved OMNIMAX screens on the inside. A mood ring that reports on the moods of everyone within 50 feet. Greaves that allow you to record video from the perspective of your shins.
Toft, I seriously think you really need to get working on all of these. I cannot go another day without these inventions.
1) Bluetooth headset shaped like a dick so it saves everyone who sees you screaming about stock tips into thin air the trouble of thinking “that guy must be a real dickface.”
A hat that is also a Cloaking Device
Nail polish that is also a thumb drive
Shoes that look like high heels but are actually flat and won’t destroy your feet
“Shoes that look like high heels but are actually flat and won’t destroy your feet ”
BRILLIANT.
Also: mirrored-underwear that when someone tries to take a picture or video of your underwear without your consent it breaks the device AFTER it sends an e-mail to all of the users contact list “I’m a creep that takes creepshots!” Or a high pitched alarm that notifies authorities. Either or I’m not picky.
omg, a ring watch. I love watches dearly but the ring watch was THE SHIT when I was in middle school. I had a horribly ugly blue one I got as a gift and I wore it because it was sooo cooool. But I could never be truly cool because I had only three Milky pens and no bubble shirt.
@Microsoft was in DEV for a smart necklace that beams to your arm and it was gorgeous!
All I’ve wanted my whole life is just some glasses with little windshield wipers. Where is THAT technology, I ask you
At my friend’s 7th birthday party with Silly Billy the clown.
At my friend's 7th birthday party with Silly Billy the clown.
A goddam waterproof smart phone.
They had a coating for this that worked really well at CES a couple of years ago, I have no idea what happened to it since then!
I vote YES on all of these. Would I be able to control said Flappy Bird with eye blinks? Because if so, YES YES and a HUGE YES to the other peoples' moods ring. *throws money at you*
sort of? <img src="http://bleubirdvintage.typepad.com/.a/6a00e554f1ae9388330134854ddd0d970c-pi">
Also, I *really* want a pair of 90's-throwback platform sandals a la http://wheretoget.it/look/129861
(gah! sorry it's so huge 🙁 )
Pretty sure Skateboard Feet and the Sleeveless Slanket were on the same bill at sxsw.
Pretty sure Skateboard Feet and the Sleeveless Slanket were on the same bill at sxsw.
They had a coating for this that worked really well at CES a couple of years ago, I have no idea what happened to it since then!
Haha, I can’t fully enjoy this as a tech writer because I know some of these are real and/or in development.
WHICH ONES? IS IT THE KNEE CYMBALS?!
Haha, I can't fully enjoy this as a tech writer because I know some of these are real and/or in development.
Well, since it's a monocle you really only need to wink to get the bird to flap. But then people will think you either have a severe eye twitch or are winking at them repeatedly through a monocle.
Basically I want one of those Klingon uniforms where you can remove bits and build things from them – not a phaser or a knife though, maybe like a flashlight, portable espresso machine, and a small midi keyboard?
“A lil venture capitalist bro” sounds so cute somehow
"A lil venture capitalist bro" sounds so cute somehow
Great info.