Merry Christmas From Dad Magazine

by Jaya Saxena and Matt Lubchansky · December 23, 2013

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(photo credit via)

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62 Comments

  3. elsamac +22

    I laughed waaaay too loud at “Oh, Steely Dan again.”

    *looks shiftily at her Steely Dan CDs, that’s right, CDs..

  4. mattielubchansky +39

    OH! It should be mentioned that today is my REAL DAD’S ACTUAL BIRTHDAY. Happy birthday, dad! I’m very sorry.

    3. keristars +6

      Happy birthday, Matt’s dad!

      My sdad’s birthday was yesterday. And my dad’s birthday is in June almost to the exact day 6 months apart. It’s like my mom planned it on purpose for ultimate enjoyment of dad-birthday-things when she married the second one. (For the record, I made him some jam. He was over the moon, probably ate it with a spoon for breakfast today.)

  5. NicoleCliffe +40

    My dad and his girlfriend bought a still, and this last month has apparently just been a blur of homemade spiced rum and gin (the gin is not spiced.)

    1. mbculver +12

      Jealous of your dad and his girlfriend. I really wish the last month had been a blur of spiced rum and gin for me, too.

  6. anachronistique +11

    Reading this while sitting next to my actual dad: EVEN MORE DELIGHTFUL.

    (Dad is more of a Grateful Dead than a Steely Dan fan, though.)

    1. elsamac +32

      My late lamented dad is stalking around a study somewhere in the afterlife, flipping through records and saying “Don’t blame me! I voted for Dave Brubeck!”

      1. francesk +7

        My late, lamented dad flipping between ESPN channels and calling shenanagans on that music poll because any intelligent music loving dad would have had the good sense to vote for Janis Joplin.

    2. Yarnybarny +4

      He can’t be both? Maybe this is just a reflection of my small sample size (only the one Dad) but I always thought these two groups went together pretty well. Oh, that and John Barleycorn Must Die by Traffic. At least they were heavily featured on the majority of Dad’s mix tapes for long car trips.

      1. elsamac +10

        Oh, gosh. I never hear – or, it turns out, even think of – “John Barleycorn Must Die” without picturing my senior-year English teacher playing the record* for us and beaming her big, wide, open-mouthed “get a load of this!” grin as her head bobbed above the record-player, making hopeful eye contact with each of us in turn.

        It was like a deleted scene from “Freaks & Geeks.” I adored her with the caustic, dismissive fondness that only a teenager can muster.

        *That’s what I said: record. So you can punctuate this image with her holding up the album cover for our perusal.

    3. gojetta +8

      My dad was a super folksy Bob Dylan, Cat Stevens, and even Joan Baez fan. I loved that about him. He was always stealing my Janis Joplin CD when I was a teenager!

  7. Marjane +46

    My dad used the word “selfie” the other day and I just about died.

    Even funnier because he said it WHILE TAKING A SELFIE. I hope there’s a dad selfie portion in Dad Magazine.

      1. Alli525 +3

        It can be one of those weird inserts, like Cosmo’s TERRIBLE astrology insert that comes in the December issue every year.

  8. mbculver +44

    My dad actually had this vest and hat…he wore it (or similar items) every year for his beloved Winter Solstice festival at the local UU church.

    This is my first Christmas without my dad and I’m missing him so much. I wish he were here, to get frustrated over untangling the tree lights and to curse at the Redskins for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory yesterday.

    Love you, Dad. I’ll be toasting you with nog and bourbon (just like you taught me) tomorrow night. xxoo

    1. elsamac +7

      I’m so sorry. It’s hard to get through that first Christmas (birthday, graduation, wedding, whatever) but you will. I still miss my dad, and I’ll be toasting him, too – and also with egg nog and bourbon, though he would have preferred rum.

      Thanks for the reminder to put a nutmeg in my pocket before we hit the road for the in-laws’ house. What is egg nog without fresh nutmeg? NOTHING. That’s something Dad could get behind.

    2. gojetta +6

      I wish my dad were here to get disgruntled about spending time with my mom’s side of the family.

    3. MameDC +6

      This will be my fifteenth without my dad. It gets easier, it really does–but that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for the door on my office right now, so no one can see me crying thinking about how much I still miss him. Especially at Christmas.

  10. MsHuntingCreek +27

    My dad had a vest just like this one. Also a fanny pack in which he kept many mysterious objects. I miss calling him, saying Hi Dad! and having him ask, “Who is this?”. There are only two people in the world it could have been.
    Miss you, Dad. Merry Christmas, where ever you are. (Could have been either direction, to be honest)

    1. icebergmama +17

      On the phone with my dad once from my first trip to Melbourne:
      “Hi dad, I’m in Melbourne!”
      “Oh yes I remember taking you two down there when you were little.”
      “Dad, I’m the third child” – got strange looks from the people I was with…

    1. jhsaxena +15

      My mom does that, but with CVS! I get my years supply of nail polish, toothpaste, and tissue packs in my stocking every year.

    2. elsamac +19

      I would be SO INTO THIS.

      – signed, the broad who carried a measuring tape, bubble level, flashlight, and mini-screwdriver in her handbag until she lost them all by lending them out because no one else is enough of a chump to carry a pound of tools everywhere

      1. unshored +7

        I love them too actually.
        My dad has also been known to do last-minute Christmas shopping at Staples (office supplies galore!)

        One of my all-time most-treasured Dad Gifts, legendary in my family, was a jar of five hundred cable ties in assorted neon colors.

        That was years ago and I still have about 425 left, I’d say.

        1. keristars +7

          Ooh i didn’t scroll down, but office-supply gifts! Yes, my dad did that three years ago. He always themes our stockings to some unexpected last-minute shop (he doesn’t start shopping for gifts until 5 days before the holiday or birthday he’s a busy man okay except if it’s the anniversary of his bike because that’s like a six month lead time for precious gifts for his harley)

        2. plainandtall +2

          My dad LOVES the neon-colored cable tie assortments! As he makes repairs around the house and barn, you can track his progress by the brightly colored, snipped-off plastic ends he leaves in his wake.

    3. keristars +6

      No really my dad did that two years ago. We all got glove-compartment-sized wrench/screwdriver and flashlight sets, and keychain measuring tapes and small boxes of tacks and even one of those hex wrench things with different size plugs.

      The year before, he went to Office Depot and bought us all a thing of paper and mechanical pencils with extra lead and erasers.

      Last year was fuzzy socks, hairbrushes, nail clippers, &c. from Walgreen’s.

      I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to this year’s stocking or not.

    5. MaxMarvel +1

      Aw yes, my mom does a big Costco run and fills our stockings with pens, chapsticks, hand sanitizer, etc… I love that shit. Not going home for Christmas this year – what am I going to do for little packets of kleenex all January?

  14. anninyn +40

    MY DAD SPECIFIED A CHRISTMAS GIFT THIS YEAR.

    he actually asked for something for the first time in 20 years.

    He wanted a scarf.

    1. ayaggy +4

      I find this adorable. (My dad will never express a preference unless I threaten to get him a tie.)

      1. anninyn +3

        Specifically a ‘colourful’ scarf. ‘Like that paisley one I had when you were little.’
        I couldn’t get him paisley, so I got bright stripes.

        And yes, my dad is very much a ‘No, Nothing in particular’ kind of man. It’s very frustrating! I like getting gifts and a rough direction would be nice.

        1. ayaggy +4

          Agreed, very frustrating! Does your dad ever order dessert in restaurants? Mine orders decaf instead. I think it’s all part of the same ideology.

          1. anninyn +1

            My dad doesn’t have a sweet tooth. If he orders a dessert, he gets the cheeseboard.

            But he is sucha nightmare in restaurants. He used to be a chef, see, and he is *so critical*. The rest of us are enjoying a perfectly nice meal and he’ll start on about how the peas are the wrong kind and the flavour balance is off, or something.

    2. paperbgprincess +16

      Mine expressed a preference too! Except then he handed me a coupon for the exact thing he wanted, then offered to buy it, wrap it, put his own name under it and stick it under the tree to “save me the trouble.”

      1. paperbgprincess +5

        Usually he just buys big things for himself earlier in the month. Like this year my idea was to get them a wireless printer, until I was at their house last week and saw the brand new one Dad bought a couple months ago.

      2. anninyn +7

        I’m sorry, that’s adorable. Some dads just don’t get the *point* in gifts and gift-giving, do they?

  15. ipomoea +17

    “Your Mother’s Damn Dog”: Bonding Via Complaining With Your Adult Child.

    (My dad wanted two things this year: a $150 Pendleton shirt and a $500 hiking GPS. I got him Five Days at Memorial and Lawrence In Arabia.)

  16. quietest +12

    This year’s dad gift was the Complete Calvin and Hobbes, which I hope he will share with my new half brother as he once shared them with me. Dads are pretty much the best.

  17. C.B.Blanchard

    I'm sorry, that's adorable. Some dads just don't get the *point* in gifts and gift-giving, do they?

  18. sednarea51 +6

    I had to laugh, because Dad is TOTALLY about the nog. I figured out I could use it as creamer for my coffee earlier this fall. DELICIOUS.

    This year’s Dad present is a photo book from the Baltimore Sun- he grew up in Bawlmer and I know he likes looking at the photos and reminiscing. It’s actually pretty cool. I moved to Baltimore about ten years ago and it’s great to see and hear about what it used to look like back in the day.