I am a 27-year-old woman and got my driver’s license last year, and I haven’t driven since my road test. For a long time this whole story was part of my “I grew up in New York City” narrative, and to an extent that’s still where it comes from, just because driving never equaled the freedom/rite-of-passage it was for my more rural friends. But the cultural excuses only last so long, because now I am about to get married and if I never got behind the wheel of a car again I would die happy.
I know I should drive! I have gotten so many lectures about driving and how great it can be and how there are so many places that one can’t access by subway or walking, but no matter how much I practiced I just never got it. I’ll do it if necessary, but I have basically structured my life so that it will never be necessary. This includes living in a city with ample public transportation, not owning a car, and ensuring that there is always a better option for a driver around if the circumstance calls for it. Most of my friends have been driving for over ten years, so why the hell would they want me behind the wheel?
(You know what though? Cars are fucking horrifying. You should not be driving if you are not properly horrified every time you get behind the wheel, by the knowledge that you, with your English degree and your inability to figure out why your toilet keeps flushing funny, are in full control of a machine that can cause death if traveling anything over the speed of a lazy biker. And you’ve been in charge of it since you were 16! What is wrong with this country?!)
We tend to use adulthood as an excuse to push ourselves, or as an excuse where the other reasons fall flat. We need to learn to cook, or garden, or jog because we’re adults, dammit. And obviously there are added benefits to all these activities, but if those were enough we’d be doing them already. Adulthood is something we joke about never reaching–we could get married and have kids and set up IRAs and still laugh about how “adult” that all is in the abstract, insisting that we still spill tomato sauce on ourselves all the time so clearly we’re not really adults. I still use the phrase “when I grow up.”
I want to remind myself that it’s possible to be an adult without encompassing everything adulthood has symbolized. So tell me, what grown-up thing have you been avoiding? I promise, you’ll still be a grown up.
[Image via.]
Tags: adulthood, but I did start taking the subway when I was 11, driving, I’m just turning into one of those self-important new yorkers now, when I grow up
As a transportation planner that deals with bicycle and pedestrian issues on a daily basis, please let me tell you that you are a shining beacon of virtue for not driving. Don’t ever feel guilty about it. You are a paragon of rightness and I salute you.
In terms of being an growing up, I have decided that now I’m an Old, I can do those adult-y things that I associate with my grandmother, but always felt too un-cool to do. So far this is mainly doing jigsaw puzzles and crosswords while watching British murder mysteries. But I plan to expand my repertoire if the opportunity presents itself.
Crosswords and British murder mysteries are my jam and I’m only a pre-old, at 28. I’m all about Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, which is actually Australian but many of the actors are clearly British.
(Totally OT, but I was curious so I looked them up and at least the 4 main characters on Miss Fisher are native Aussies. I think Essie Davis uses a British RP accent for Miss Fisher because she’s supposed to have been educated over there once she inherited all that money. Also, it’s really really weird to see pictures of those guys out of costume, and the guy who plays Collins is cute on the show but, like CUTE in his real life duds.)
Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries is the BEST. They’re based on a book series, by the way, each episode equals roughly a short book and they are like CANDY. Also, that show is serious costume porn and AMAZING
jigsaw puzzles are the greatest.
My doctor’s waiting room always has one out and I’m the only one I ever see doing it!
As a planner who deals with sprawl (sort of), I also salute you Jaya! I’ve been trying to get out of my car dependence but Target is just so handy :/
I am speaking as the ‘responsible’ child in a family with a good number of ne’er-do-wells-cum-vampires. You are only a paragon of virtue if you don’t lean on other people to do the driving that you don’t want to do. If you happily and without complaint get the places you want to go on time without constantly expecting other people to assist you, then fine. If you provide social benefits to those people who drive you places you want to go, then fine. If you pay for gas or a cab from time to time, then fine.
But if you are like my brother and just blithely accept and expect rides everywhere that requires a car, then not fine. Not virtue. Argh.
I’ve conquered cold-calling. Now my greatest fear is checking my inbox for the cold emails I send out.
I will go so far out of my way to avoid email replies.
The one time I had to cold-call for my job I only managed it by bribing myself with M&Ms (can have 5 M&Ms after every 10 minutes of cold calling).
Taxes. I’m a grown-ass woman and my dad does my taxes. I will learn next year, probably…
I was just gonna say this. I do my own, under the supervision of my parents, but they still terrify me.
My Dad did them right up until I met my partner. Now my partner does them.
…I don’t even know what a deduction really is.
this is me too. Growing up has really just changed which competent people are helping me run my life.
No no, if your taxes are getting done, I think that’s plenty adult. Even superadults use accountants for that!
(Some years I don’t do my taxes. I mean didn’t. I mean didn’t. I’m an adult now.)
I am right there with you on the not driving thing. Like you, I grew up in an urban city with great transport links and never needed to learn. I did actually attempt it when I was 18 and COMPLETELY hated it. I found it way too stressful. There was so much to remember and I couldn’t understand how I was being let loose on the roads as a student driver (I didn’t grow up in the US). I took about 15 lessons, got to the three point turn lesson and never went back. That was ten years ago. I know I should probably learn soon but the thought of learning in NY terrifies me.
Apparently you are me but 10 years younger. Just say here in NY and in 10 years you could be thinking exactly the same thing.
I could have written every word of this, except that I am from a rural area, so a) public transit wasn’t a thing until I went to college and b) the rest of my family thinks I am nuts for not wanting the “freedom” of driving.
We are tentatively planning to get a car this summer, and even though Mr. Soeurs would do most of the driving, the mere thought of driving in Boston makes me want to chop off my own hands.
I also let my father do my taxes, but I figure that gets a pass since he’s an accountant and tax returns are what he does best.
He is also good at buying farm equipment, but my one-bedroom apartment doesn’t have much room for spare tractors, alas.
I mean, you gotta have your regular tractors, obviously. But as much as you would love the spare tractors, it’s just not going to work right now. Sorry dad!
I maintain a strict “one in, one out” policy on tractors.
Oh, me too. I grew up in a rural area and learned to drive at 16 and cried in terror by the end of almost every driving lesson. And then I moved to a series of places with public transit and didn’t drive for 6 glorious years!
Now I’m in a different rural area and driving again. It’s ok, I guess, but moving to a city and not driving anymore sounds pretty attractive.
Growing up in the southwestern US means I logged lots of miles behind the wheel. I still look at driving for 3 days to get somewhere as no big deal. I have lived in 10 US states and therefore have top-notch navigation skills behind the wheel, able to find any destination on unfamiliar roads, at night, in the rain, by the seat of my pants.
However, for the more than 10 years I lived in Massachusetts, I refused to drive in Boston. I would drive to the nearest train stop, park there, and take the T into town. Life’s too short to navigate Boston in a car!
See, I wish it were only Boston that I was afraid of — unfortunately I am only marginally less terrified of driving in general.
My sister lives in Oklahoma and talks about five-hour drives as if they were trips down the block, which boggles my little east-coast mind.
I was driving around in Cambridge just this morning and, after my partner got out of the car to dash to work, I said out loud to myself “Now, how am I going to get home without dying?” People here are INSANE with their driving and it makes me a nervous Nellie behind the wheel.
I don’t think Boston drivers are any worse than, say, NYC or (especially) DC, but I’ve lived here 17 years now and may be a victim of Stockholm Syndrome.
It’s funny, I learned to drive in (greater) Boston, and Boston driving is still terrifying to me. I drove regularly in high school, occasionally for the next 10 (?) years, and not at all for quite some time. Of course there are places I might like to drive to, but either I get a ride or I figure it out.
Oh man, that whole freedom of driving thing. I grew up in the wilds of suburbia and finally got around to getting my license at 22 solely because I had to take a summer college class and couldn’t live on campus. At 29, I’m finally more or less comfortable with driving (I could maybe even drive in a city with more than 50,000 residents now!), but I still think that driving can be way more of a burden than a freedom.
I still live in suburbia with nonexistent public transportation links, so I guess my car is freedom here, but being able to just walk to a bus stop when I lived in cities felt far freer to me.
I, too, am a suburban non-driver. I’m actually really going to learn how to do it now (I’m 24 and last week I cried on the highway. but at 17 I cried at the THOUGHT of getting on the highway so I’m obviously improving) mainly because I feel trapped. So. Trapped. And guilty that I have to depend on people for rides when I’m an adult (and moving back in with my mom exacerbates it). Moving someplace where walking and public transit exist continues to feel like a better option but isn’t a cheaper option.
But mostly I’m angry because there are no sidewalks and happy that there are so many other adult-non-drivers.
The fact that I am not at all terrified of driving in Boston (it being more or less the only place I’ve ever driven) actually probably reinforces that you should be. Allow me to explain. My dad is a demon speeder, and he eventually got so many points on his license he had to do a sort of remedial class thing. In this class, they made everyone do a multiple-choice test that tries to evaluate what dark and animal drives push people in such a class to drive like assholes. He brought home an extra copy and said he’d only tell me his results if I took it too. So I did, and it turned out that my sense of “community” when driving is at, like, 5th percentile, and my sense of competition/cutthroat eat-or-be-eaten scrabble is something like 97th percentile. I am some sort of road sociopath, and driving in Boston seems generally fine to me. (Except that one time the car in front of me exited the Pike and then BACKED UP BACK ONTO THE PIKE BECAUSE THEY DECIDED IT WAS THE WRONG EXIT. That was not and will never be okay.) So what I’m saying is, your instincts are probably in the right here, I am clearly a menace, and my comfort with this driving environment is a truly damning endorsement.
Ha, I am glad to know that my paranoia is totally justified. I will leave the roads to sociopaths like you. (I mean that in the nicest possible way, I swear!)
One time I saw a lady driving the wrong way down Mass Ave and WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL IN MASSACHUSETTS? YOU’RE MONSTERS.
(I mean that in a joking/loving way, hope that’s clear)
OH MY GOD, Jaya, I’m 35 and I hate driving. I technically have a license (in a state I haven’t lived in for 4 years) and I need to go switch it over but I will have to take the driving test, and I don’t WANT to. Because I hate driving! And I have an IRA and everything. So you know, keep on keeping on.
But by god it feels so good to hit an open stretch on a sunny day, let’s call it 84 degrees, blue sky, windows down, a good CD in the player, let’s call it the new Haim record, smile on your face, a good 45+ minutes until your destination so you can just groove, no traffic on the road, hell no fucking traffic in this city, let’s call it the world, and you’re just going by god that feels good. Driving! America!
Living in Montana, we measure distances in hours, not miles. You either have to find a way to love driving, or you’ll go crazy. (My way is having great music, driving a reaallllly gas-efficient vehicle, enjoying the various moods of the landscape, drinking a Diet Coke, singing loudly, making grand plans for my life.)
Montana is terrific. I’ve never even been and I know it’s wonderful. Anything with so much space has to be great. By definition, I suppose.
Mine’s coffee and thinking up ideas for short stories I’ll never write.
Oh man, I was driving across the boring expanse of inner Washington State last month, and pretty much came up with the greatest idea for a novel. I was legit plotting it out as I drove, and was surprised when three hours passed.
Have I since written any of it? Nope.
There’s a lot of driving in my part of California, too. Since all my friends live over the hills, I can do a two-hour drive no problem, and have done the entire 7-hour stretch down to LA by myself. Great music is vital.
I’m all about the podcasts, and love a good long drive.
Grew up in Kansas (where you use miles, because it all depends on whether the person you’re talking to drives the speed limit or FAST), and currently driving in Atlanta (where you use minutes, because my daily commute of 2.5 miles takes 45 minutes during rush hour and 10 minutes when no one is out)…
God but I love driving. I love it. I love going fast, I love having my sunglasses on, the windows down, the air blowing, the scenery rolling by, etc.
The husband and I used to roll down the windows on road trips and sing/yell Rush songs, which is always fun when you’re going 70 mph. (Not as fun when things in the back seat get sucked out the window, though.)
Me too! Standard transmission ftw. Google can keep its awful nightmarish zombie driverless robot cars, that crap is just not for me.
Yesss. Open highway driving is a whole different animal than city commuter driving.
One of my best memories is driving up Boulder Canyon, 75 degrees & sunny, windows down, no traffic, and Train in Vain came on the CD player and there was just this intense feeling of everything being exactly right.
That happened to me, except I was listening to Jonsi’s solo album that came out in 2011. I think it was Animal Arithmetic–it came on just as the light rain stopped and the sun came out, and the rain + sun on my windshield was glittering, and that song always makes me feel like I’m on the top of a sunny mountain anyway, and I remember thinking “I really need to wipe my windshield because I can’t see, but damn, if I did die right this second listening to this and looking at that, what a way to go.”
Ugghhh YES Highway 11 right after a rainstorm that totally beautiful gold-grass field and that purple sky and the HUGE RAINBOW and the overpowering smell of sweetgrass and forest…
Nope, not at all! I have never once felt a modicum of pleasure while driving. It is the worst.
Sunny day, the 101 north out of LA, top down, nothing on the mind but dinner in Santa Barbara and the music coming out of your speakers. IS a religion.
YES.
I see your 101N and raise you a 126W just before sunset, in the spring, when all of the orange trees are blooming.
Oh yes. I am not your prototypical American in most senses, but my All-American love affair with my automobile more than compensates.
God does it ever. I miss it sometimes. I don’t miss traffic, but I miss being able to take a fine afternoon and just go down PCH forever
Doing my home inventory? Other than having children (not going to happen), I think I’ covered everything else.
I truly cannot seem to pay things on time unless I set up autopay. This is a giant problem that has so far only been solved by coming clean to my husband and now he tells me when to pay things, exactly and I have to just do it instead of telling my phone I did it and ignoring it again.
I’m just a mess when it comes to money, and I don’t know why.
My ladyfriendpartnerperson also has to help me with money. Unless it’s autopay, it’s not on my radar and won’t get paid.
You just reminded me to pay a bill that’s two days overdue, so thanks for that.
For this reason, I have avoided any kind of credit history. I just don’t trust myself. Debit cards all the way. I’m just now coming up to the point where I really will be forced to change that and I’m TERRIFIED.
Oh. Burying my parents. But that’s not something anyone really wants to think about, and happens to more than just adults.
I actually just got off the phone with my wife a few minutes ago. She, too, didn’t get her license until her mid-20s (lived downtown, working class, public transit). She called me because she’s traveling for work and just returned her rental car in downtown Toronto, and wanted to announce that she had survived what is by at least one measure the busiest highway in North America (it’s 18 lanes wide for long stretches at a time, stop-and-go for three hours in the morning and afternoon, and Canadians tend to see speed limits as rough guidelines rather than a thing to obey/follow). She’s actually a really safe driver, but finds it stressful and very mentally taxing.
As far as avoiding growing up, I feel like maybe part of the reason I wanted a kid is so that I could avoid that. I can talk gibberish and beatbox and dance like an idiot and then pass it off to passersby that I’m just being a Very Excellent And Enthusiastic Parent. Alas, I find myself unable to avoid blaming my son for my not getting off my ass to get my tax year straightened away.
18 LANES. WHAT. WHAT. I’M FREAKING OUT JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.
The 401 isn’t as bad as it sounds! It’s AWFUL but truly not, like, a demon from hell or anything. It’s really subdivided–nine lanes per direction–and those lanes are divided into Local and Express. So it’s big, but not like….18 lanes in one direction bad. (I have driven it A LOT.)
Jinx. Sorry about the cross-post. (eta: it is kinda freaking me out how similar our first sentences were, though.)
Don’t lie to the foreigners! The 401 is EXACTLY AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS and I’m certain I read somewhere that there are actual international travel advisories about it! It’s been nicknamed “Carnage Alley!”
…. the 401 is functionally Toronto’s Great Wall.
It’s maybe not as bad as it sounds. It’s nine lanes each way and they split each side in two. The central 4-5 lanes are called express and only have exits on and off every few miles. The outer lanes are what they call collectors and they have on- and off-ramps for all exits. Having grown up in the area, I actually feel at home there, but we know a lot of people who flat out won’t drive to or through Toronto because of it.
Yeah, it’s the sort of thing you sort of need to know where you’re going because if you’re not sure, the whole collectors/express thing can really throw you for a loop. It’s not all 18 lanes in one go, but it’s not a thing to be trifled with, for sure.
While I’ll admit to Toronto drivers thinking about speed limits as guidelines, at least they’re vaguely obeyed rather than openly flouted. How I’ve managed to survive being a pedestrian in Montreal for nearly five years I do not know.
Driving through Montreal is like fucking Thunderdome, I swear to God.
*nods*
“like” = “is” *agreement*
Yes! I’ve been there 4 times for vacation and this last time we hit horrible rush hour traffic on the way into town. I guess each time in the past we came in the last morning or well into the evening. But, my GOD. Bumper to bumper, and I had to pee, so I said to my man, hey let’s just get off the highway and navigate to the hotel with the map (little did I know we were in a far flung neighborhood off both of my Montreal street maps). Being foreigners without international iPhone maps telling you where to turn just showed me how dependent I’ve become, but I’m proud to say I dead reckoned our way to the hotel on surface streets.
As someone who has lived in Toronto but has never driven there (or anywhere else that wasn’t a small town or a two-lane highway), I am very impressed by your wife’s Toronto-driving.
Also, for those commenters who aren’t familiar with it, here’s a picture of Highway 401’s 18 lanes.
Also also, if fancy tax software would help you with the tax thing, I can mostly recommend http://simpletax.ca. I mean, I ran into a minor bug in it this year, but it was more annoying than serious, and they were very friendly when I made a bug report. And it really is simple. And free!
Thanks for the software tip. We actually live in the US, though. I’m on Team H&RBlock, but my wife insists on doing them all (I think with TurboTax?), so I just need to get my forms and receipts together as well as look after retirement stuff.
SCARY SCARY SCARY
I grew up in ontario but very far from Toronto. I learned to drive as soon as I could and was happily cruising small dirt roads with a stick shift convertible long before I was out of high school.
I have driven on rural single track Welsh roads through mountains and navigated roundabouts that were 5 lanes wide. I have driven a car with a bent axle through a snowstorm.
Those things were not as scary as my early attempts at the 401.
I once drove a 1976 Simca (this was in 2006, I think?) that did not belong to me and was much beloved by its owners, while I was not very familiar with driving stick, literally through the woods, and the 401 still looks scarier than that was. ETA: Maybe not scarier than the time I drove another stick shift that was literally held together in places with duct tape down a foreign highway THAT HAD SPEEDBUMPS IN IT, though.
Whoa.
I mean, I’m used to Los Angeles and 10-16 lane freeways,
but that is some crazy shit all up in there.
DRIVING IS HORRIFYING NO ONE SHOULD DO IT. I have a license, that I got at 19 after learning just the bare minimum to pass, tried using it a little bit in the 6 months after I got it, and I haven’t driven since (with one exception, when my boyfriend didn’t believe that I shouldn’t be driving and so I drove him to walmart, in a zipcar, and we got pulled over. He has never asked me to be behind a wheel again).
I am now 24, and hopefully I will never ever have to drive again because it is terrible and there is way too much to remember and often I space out and just roll right through the red lights or start swerving towards the other cars). Once I went the wrong way on to an entrance (that I thought was an exit) off the beltway while driving my sister and her screaming friends to a club in DC. They were screaming not because they were loud teenagers but because they thought I was going to kill them by running us all off the side of the road.
I went driving for the third time ever (I’m thirty years old, and I refused to be shamed) and every time I went over 20 km/hr, also known as “I’m really huffing and puffing on my bike,” I let out tiny involuntary screams. I was an empty parking lot.
I feel this piece.
I don’t particularly care if anyone else drives or not on two conditions:
1. Do not rely on your friends or family members who drive to automatically drive you around regardless of the circumstances. I truly don’t mind driving people to/from the airport/day trips/in a bind/emergencies, etc., but I can’t stand it when people assume that because I drive and own a car I am A Chauffeur.
2. If you live in an area without public transit, I do believe driving is a necessary skill in case of emergency. I do. Where I live there is no public transit, cabs are……well, let’s say “rare,” and what happens in an emergency? If my husband didn’t drive and I broke my arm playing on the monkey bars or whatever, I’d be in a fix. Or failing that–the toilet clogs at 11pm and we need a new plunger and I can’t walk to Walmart 24km away. Or the cat pulls a lamp on herself on a holiday and has to go to the emergency vet across the river. Etc. etc. But that is strictly to my situation! And not all situations!
So, this is a tiny bit hypocritical because I rely on my roommate to drive me around to places a fair bit, but he is my roommate and I cook food for him all the time, but some of our friends keep wanting us to come pick them up like thirty or forty minutes away. They do not pay for gas. The trip can be done on a bus and the light rail in about 60-75 minutes.
That’s nuts. I have turned down offered rides because it would take them longer to do the round trip than it would take me on public transit — I think that’s a fair way to count it. And those people were offering me the ride! And also were my parents.
I basically never expect a ride anywhere, and it all works out.
To be fair, the bus they have to take can really be a horrible nightmare (super overcrowded) but yeah, fucking A, friends.
I’ve always offered to pay for gas (I mean, excluding really short rides) and yeah, I don’t understand why people don’t? Or at least acknowledge that it isn’t free. Once the argument was that she only had one bus ticket left and she needed that for getting home. Like, first of all, you seriously don’t have $2.50 for another bus ride (some people might not have, but she definitely could have)? And then I would still rather spot you bus fare than have roommate drive TWO round trips for you (it’s actually more like 25-30 minutes each way) cause you have to get home somehow.
As a non-driver with a few immediate family members who constantly offer rides and wave off profuse thanks with “It’s no trouble!” or “I’m happy to!” I try to observe a couple of niceties:
– I never assume it’s a given, because even if it were “no trouble” on an average day, I don’t know other people’s schedules or plans, or whether they’re coming from home (nearby) or making a longer detour from work or a friend’s home or their errands.
– I make sure they’re picking me up on their schedule, not mine. You’d rather swing by at 6:30 than 7? Sounds good. You’d rather I meet you downtown, at a walkable spot? You bet.
– I make sure I’m goddamned ready before they arrive. Ideally, I’m on the front steps with a book or my ipod, so I can scamper right to the car when they pull up, but I don’t look like the little match girl waiting forlornly.
– My sister and mother absolutely won’t let me chip in for gas, even though these short trips add up over the months and years they’ve been giving them to me, so I often bring them a little something: a few of the muffins I baked that morning or a book they’ve been wanting to read or a bottle of wine. Any little token to let them know I appreciate their trouble and thoughtfulness.
I’m not as good at this as I should be, but I’m always trying to be better.
Yes! Showing appreciation is so important. This is reminding me that I should figure out a good “thank you for bringing me home from the airport” gift for whoever I end up getting to bring me back from my trip to Boston. Because I totally land at 11pm and I have to work the next day…
Yes, #1 entirely! When I was in undergrad, I was one of the few people with A Car On Campus (which was apparently this holy thing in and of itself) and the amount of times I was asked to shuffle people around without promise of gas money was appalling. I am not your chauffeur – if I offer to drive you, that’s one thing, but please don’t expect me to drive you just BECAUSE.
Years down the line, most of my non-driving friends have moved to the city so they no longer have to worry about getting around. I wonder if that was the plan all along sometimes.
Oh my god, yes. I didn’t get a license until I was 19, didn’t have a car until I was 22, and relied heavily on rides from other people. I definitely went out of my way to pay for gas and make sure that it was super convenient and easy for them to give me a ride if I asked.
Now that I own a car and *gasp* have actually learned to enjoy driving, sometimes I actually get upset that most people I know now don’t really need rides, because I had been looking forward to repaying the karma (hurrrr hurr carma hurr). But I’m also glad that no one assumes I am The Chauffeur because that would be infuriating.
I have a friend whose boyfriend refuses to learn to drive ‘because he thinks public transport should work well enough that you don’t need to’. Except he has a professional-level hobby that involves a lot of equipment, and my friend hates driving and is quite an anxious driver, and constantly has to drive her boyfriend and his lots of equipment round the country.
He irritates me.
Ugh. Throw that guy away. I’m irritated just reading about him.
I get irritated by him quite often! He’s actually mostly a very sweet person, he is deeply in love with my friend and has many good qualities – but they both take him and what he wants more seriously than they take her and what she wants, which drives me up the wall interacting with them. He gets ever so taken aback when I tell him to wind his neck in and stop making his GF feel bad when her opinions differ from his.
I think this is an appropriate place to unleash my rage about this specific friend of mine who always (not so) slyly tries to get others to pick her up even though she has her own car. I get so irrationally irritated at her especially because she likes to just text “so, you should pick me up.” I always want to respond, “no, I really shouldn’t. ASK, bitch,” but never do.
I moved more than a thousand miles away from my hometown just so I could live in a place where I could live a reasonable life without a car.
I have a driver’s license. I am a good driver. I still find it terrifying. I figure everyday I take the bus to work is minutes, maybe hours added to my life, just from decreased stress.
I am turning 30 this year and I still don’t have my goddamned license, and I moved to a city with a subway system (a shitty and constantly breaking system, but still) specifically so I would never have to drive. I CAN drive a car, I’m not bad at it, but I made a billion excuses to not take my test and I really do not ever want to own a car. It is expensive and terrifying! NO THANK YOU!
I was incredibly proud of myself when I acquired renter’s insurance.
Ugh, renter’s insurance. I periodically remember that that is an important thing that I should have, but it’s never stuck in my head long enough to actually act on it. Should probably fix that one of these days(/years).
Ugh. I just tell myself that my possessions cannot possibly be valuable enough to be worth renter’s insurance, and avoid learning anything about it that might invalidate my excuse.
I keep going “well maybe I’ll be moving within a year, so is it worth it?” I have not moved for five years. This is definitely a thing I need to do. :/
I only got it once I figured out you can get a Travelers policy totally online, no talking to a human required. Plus it was way cheaper than I thought.
State Farm was also available online for me. There’s a lot that I’ll do if I can do it without talking to a person.
I actually called a human to set mine up, but he was delightful and charming and actually made sure I had enough insurance (hint: you own more things than you think). I’ve continued to actually speak to insurance agents by phone as I’ve moved and had to move my policy around, because I learn about useful things like earthquake insurance that way. But it’s not really all that expensive and it’s a pretty easy thing to set up. Plus usually it covers things like your laptop getting stolen while you’re traveling or at a local coffee shop or whatever.
Oh sweet mercy this gets me. I live in Los Angeles, I’m going to be 24 in two months, and I have never had a driver’s license. Driving is something I more or less understand, and can sort of do, but it makes me paralytically anxious and frightened. I take public transit and walk, but in this city that only gets you so far, and I rely much more than I should on my partner driving us on longer trips.
My state ID expires on my birthday and I know I need to get a license before then, but aaaaaahhhh so much terror and fear of failure. (I’ve failed the driving test three times. I could go into detail about the fluke status of each test, but the fact remains.)
Save me?
Jaya, I can’t drive either! I was afraid of it because I have ADHD and don’t pay enough attention to things! I do have a learner’s permit, but I haven’t really made any effort on that since I started biking and taking public transit everywhere. If we have to do a thing that requires cars, my roommate drives us because he is a prince among men.
As for other adult things I’ve been avoiding… picking all those various doctors, like getting a new gynecologist, etc. I am terrible at that! I also need to see an allergist and probably some sort of mental health professional but SO MUCH WORK. I will get around to it though, I’ve only had this new insurance for like four months. That barely counts as time, right?
Joining my HOA board. I want to, and I think they’d like it if I did (they’re always talking about wanting younger board members), but I’m so nervous about having any kind of responsibility for things that can affect the lives of people I know but don’t know well, especially things related to home maintenance. I bought a townhouse for a reason!
Managing my vacation time so I can actually take a proper vacation during the summer and still have enough to visit folks at Christmas. I say this as I am planning to take off tomorrow for “warm weather and, y’know, basketball.”
I appear to have embraced being a grownup without really noticing – I still say ‘when I grow up’, and I mean it, and I’m 36, but totally still feel like I’m about 17. I drive, I have pets, I live on my own, I have a responsible job, I’ve had minions, I’ve been responsible for deciding people’s pay rises, for fuck’s sake…
How can this be?
Oh sweet mercy this gets me. I live in Los Angeles, I’m going to be 24 in two months, and I have never had a driver’s license. Driving is something I more or less understand, and can sort of do, but it makes me paralytically anxious and frightened. I take public transit and walk, but in this city that only gets you so far, and I rely much more than I should on my partner driving us on longer trips.
I can’t drive either! I have half the paperwork done to get my permit and I know I need to get around to it after the last time my husband got a major migraine while driving – but, like, if I’m an anxious passenger (WHICH I AM), I feel like I’d be even worse behind the wheel.
I know a fair few people who are awful passengers but much happier when they’re driving and in control. Unless I know the person and know they’re a good driver, I’d much rather drive than be driven. It does depend on what makes you a bad passenger, but if it’s a control thing then you may well be much happier behind the wheel.
Oh yes, this. I can be a nervous passenger, but driving is no problem. I think it’s a control thing.
Entirely possible! But a large part of it for me is other drivers, so. If I could just control all of them, I’d be fine!
This is true of so many things in life.
Isn’t it. If I were king and had mind control powers, it’d all be fine. Other drivers do get more predictable and therefore avoidable when you’re driving though. You know what they’re likely to do, you know what you’re paying attention to, so you’re not wondering ‘has the driver seen that thing?’ , and you know you’re in charge of the evasive action and when to take it.
Did you know that if there’s nobody else on the road and both sides are nice and packed with walls of snow to serve as bumpers, fishtailing can actually be kind of exciting?
When I was learning to drive, my dad took me out in a snowstorm to an empty parking lot (a BIG one) and had me deliberately fishtail and spin out and lose control of the car so I’d learn what it felt like and how to control it. It was incredibly scary, but very….educational? Like, now I know what it feels like, so I don’t have that panic any more. It’s easier.
I still would like to learn how to drift, though.
My dad did this too, and the times I actually bounced across the median and spun across oncoming traffic into the ditch opposite…which happened more than twice when I was younger…it was useful because I didn’t panic.
Cars today, though…I tried to teach my kid to steer into the skid this winter, and the damn. thing. won’t. skid. It just vibrates all the tires at inhuman intervals and keeps its grip.
Pap smears.
Get on that Figgie, that’s too big not to do.
I knowwwwwwwww
Singing, “You are noooot aloooooone!”
I fucking fucking fucking HATE PAP SMEARS.
They hurt, take way too damn long, and I always end up a giant ball of snot and tears afterwards.
Seriously, it’s 2014, why are pelvic exams still performed with torture devices from the Inquisition?
Every time they moved that guideline (every two years! every three years!) I was so happy.
I totally just try to get my doctor to fit it into an annual physical, though (the years where I’m actually supposed to get one). I am not interested in two pointless doctor’s appointments a year when I can get by with one.
omg i had my first one a few weeks ago. It was really short and not too bad. You can do it!
Buying furniture/ decorating my bedroom. I’ve lived in my apartment for a year, and my books live in piles on the floor. I have a bin with a sheet over it that I use as my main non-bed surface, in place of a desk. The bin contains more books and whenever I want to access them I knock all of the paperwork/ random stuff from on top all over. My walls are totally blank. This is not how adults live.
OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT THIS. I could afford real person furniture but I basically have no bookshelves, a dresser that is falling apart, and only one set of sheets for my new bed (and by new I mean I’ve had it for eight months-ish) and the bed is just a boxspring and mattress sitting flat on the floor. I need to figure this shit out.
I now have a second set of sheets because a roommate gave me hers when she moved out. I keep expecting my bed to collapse under me because the foot-board almost broke apart when we were moving it in a year ago. When it does I will probably move to the mattress on the floor model, because getting furniture is so much work and I do not care.
We just bought beautiful new bookshelves, but our bed is still just floor + box spring + mattress. Priorities/ baby steps, I suppose.
ROOM MAINTENANCE IN GENERAL. I just always let everything deteriorate into a general miasma of clothes and books and papers everywhere. And soda bottles. I am not QUITE as bad as I once was (let’s not even talk about that), but like you said. This is not how adults live.
Writing my will. Not that I have anything to leave.
Oh, do please do this though, we just had a close friend die and he’d been all, “no one will care about my stuff” not true, people have been coming out of the woodwork and his (come to find was estranged) Mom tells a whole different story and cared, very much.
oh god, that reminds me, I’m supposed to be writing mine and my husband’s wills…ugh we really need them now we (well, us and the bank) own a house. Luckily one of my work colleagues used to actually do wills at a previous job, so she’s given me templates!
Me too– I feel like I should do a will and a living will/healthcare power of attorney. The last time I thought about this stuff, I found some good resources at AARP. I think a lot about what would happen if I/my husband died, but am somehow too scared to do anything about it! Feels almost like preparing for this stuff would conjure it into existence, which is of course ridiculous, but so is my brain.
My license expired 4 years ago and I haven’t bothered to renew it because I am extraordinarily lazy.
I cannot deal with health insurance. I’m still on my mom’s plan, and I am dreading my 26th birthday. I don’t understand anything about it! I just throw my insurance card at the doctor/pharmacist and hope they can make sense of the nonsense.
I grew up in rural Montana so I am totally a lover of driving. I am aces in any road condition, although obviously dry pavement and sunshine is the stuff of my daydreams.
I was terrified of health insurance too, but as long as you have time to do the digging it sometimes requires, it’s actually not too bad – I learned a lot because the billing departments messed up and I had to fix it, but I’m so much more confident about dealing with insurance. I hate it, but at least I know I have a working knowledge of the basics.
I am right there with you. I’m about to go to grad school next year and am figuring in school-provided insurance to my ~financial future~ (agh), which is horrifying, but at least it means I don’t have to dread turning 26 now. Until two years later when I finish whatever program. Eek.
I moved into my first solo apartment in October and I still have yet to buy renter’s insurance. I know it’s only like $10 a month but that’s still too much!!!
I got my license at 18, didn’t drive during college, and then learned to drive for real when I was 22. I’m now 28, and I’m just starting to feel comfortable driving in the winter. (I live in Michigan.) It didn’t help that I got into a car-totaling accident a few winters ago.
That first sentence applies to me word for word, it’s uncanny.
I am 44 and have never had a driver’s license.
I grew up in a tourist town, where I could walk faster than summertime traffic moved, then moved to a city with great public transit. These are both great reasons not to drive, but they both expired when I moved back to New England in my 20s. So now I’m going to two decades of… just… not… learning.
But! I ordered the motorist’s handbook and study guide and I’ve been chipping away at the lessons and laws bit by bit. I’m motivated not so much by a desire to drive as by the realization that it’s unfair for my husband to shoulder the entire burden of snow-ban parking maneuvers and early-wakings. If I could drive, I could pitch in and let him sleep in some mornings, which is only fair.
Wow! Same age, never had a license either. High-five? I was a complete lame-o about it when I was younger but now live where it’s possible to be a backpack-lugging hippie and walk to virtually everything.
I’m 33 and I have never rented an apartment independently, much less bought a house or condo or whatever.
I also can’t really drive.
Sometimes the whole “I’m not really an adult lol” thing just sounds better than “I am pretty much a failure at life woo!”
Renting an apartment independently is more expensive than sharing with roommates, so you’re being fiscally responsible?
Because I am poor because I am not a professional success because I have too many student loans because I made Bad Education Choices because because because
Also because I am single because I suck at dating because I am too weird and homely because because because
DATING IS HARD. I still don’t quite get how people do it! And you sound so sad and upset and I did not mean to make you upset and now I just want to give you a hug 🙁
Ach no! I am having inconveniently timed stress as regards my success at adulting. I shouldn’t be blerfing my anxieties all over the comment section of a humorously-intended blog entry.
I am having all kinds of adulthood related stress, too. I would like to join the hugs brigade!
I guess I need to get life insurance now, what with a baby about to come out of me and a mortgage…
This. Insurance agents are one small step up from realtors and my kid is now 20 months old and i have not quite enough life insurance to ensure that she and her dad can survive if i get run over by a bus, like I almost do twice a week. This only worries me when I almost get run over by a bus and on take off and landing when I travel on business.
Oh God, I’m 27 and I got a job with health insurance last fall and moved out of rural emergency-clinic-only land to a city, and I need to learn how to go to a real doctor. I have mastered taxes and driving and leases but this one just brews shamefully in the back of my mind. Are they going to turn me away if I don’t have all my childhood medical records? (My parents are even less organized and I’m pretty sure my pediatrician’s dead.)
You don’t even have to know your blood type for the doctor! I’ve moved around a little bit and no doctor would turn you away because you don’t have your medical records, I’ve never once been asked for them. Besides, a lot of offices might destroy them after a certain number of years – my orthodontist got rid of mine after 10 years; I had to go back for a quick fix and they had to start a whole new file for me. I saw them for nearly 15 years as a kid! So I wouldn’t worry about it.
LOL, no they are not. If they are accepting patients, they will accept you. If they are not, because their practice is full, then they won’t.
Also plenty of urban people go to clinics. You are fine.
Having a full time job and actually financially supporting myself. I did it for a couple years then basically it was a lot of work.
I’m a part time yoga teacher, full time lazy housewife. I don’t feel like an adult.
I am all the way envious.
I have my drivers’ license. I got it when I was 18 after driving for only six hours in my life. I’m pretty sure that the only reason why I have it is because I was a young girl with a pervy examiner, and I cried because I was so nervous. I am 27 now and haven’t driven since.
I’m from Minneapolis, so everyone looked at me with a mix of incredulity and pity once they found out I couldn’t drive. What’s that about? Now that I live in Philadelphia, people aren’t nearly as shocked that I don’t drive and I love that. Even if I ever moved back to Minneapolis, I would never drive. My husband knows how to drive well, but hates cars vehemently and would never want to live in a place that doesn’t have good public transit.
If you don’t want to drive, then don’t. End of story.
Driving never felt like a rite of passage for me either. Putting myself through college without any financial help from my family is what made me feel like I was truly an “adult.”
I’m from the suburbs of Minneapolis, and driving was absolutely necessary. I mean, I knew kids who didn’t get their license, but they were rare. Everything’s just so spread out, and there’s basically no public transportation besides the bus/light rail system, and those don’t really go past the cities. Add in two parents who work/have their own things to do, multiple extracurriculars, some of which were not in my hometown, and an available car for me to use, and it would have made less than zero sense for me to not get my license as soon as I could.
When living in the Twin Cities, I either lived in Saint Paul or Minneapolis proper. I lived three blocks from my high school, so it wouldn’t have made any sense to drive there anyway. But I went to a community college in Bloomington, and went to Richfield and Edina a fair amount using public transportation when I lived in South Minneapolis. I know that some of the further suburbs aren’t served by Metro Transit, but I never really had a reason to go any further away from the cities than that.
Yeah, it’s not a perfect system and sometimes I had to wait 30-60 minutes for a bus, but I knew what I was getting myself into. The only time I remember asking for a ride from my dad after I moved out was when I had to take my cat to the vet for a check-up.
Metro transit in MSP is getting better and better. But I know that non-driving stare of wonder as well. I mean, if you don’t have a car how do you get out to your deer stand or fish house? (Maybe that is just my family?)
I am ridiculously excited about the light rail on University Avenue. I can’t wait to use it the next time I visit my parents.
And I think they’ve started work on another light rail in the Southwest Corridor if I remember correctly? The only thing that’s a shame about that is that it won’t serve Uptown or surrounding neighborhoods within Minneapolis, but I can’t complain too much about it.
24 year old who still can’t drive here! I tried, but yes driving is horrifying and triggers my anxiety like whoa and I basically turn into Tina Belcher every time I get behind the wheel.
My learner’s permit expired this January and it fills me with a weird combination of pride and shame.
I almost legitimately passed out from laughing so hard the first time I watched that clip.
I’ve been really excited to be a grownup, but see the above kerfuffle for why I never wanted to drive/always drove.
As an adult, I’ve had trouble comprehending the idea that one might date to see a future, though I’ve been planning them with friends. I also haven’t acknowledged the existence of proper investment devices, such as “stocks” or “that one index fund,” preferring to invest in industrial equipment for art. :/
Every time I move to a new city, finding a doctor/optometrist/dentist. I still do not have a dentist here, and it has now been two years. I will go for my periodic appointments, once I have found a person to go see who is okay, but finding such a person? Bad news.
Also driving. I drove a certain amount in high school and home on breaks during the first couple of years of college. But last time I got behind the wheel, it was because my husband and I were driving to my parents and he was too sleepy to drive safely. My terror and marginal driving skills (I was a fine driver at one point, but no longer.) woke him right up. Unfortunately I did not decide he was fully awake until we were back on the freeway, and then I just drove the rest of the way because at least if we stayed on course I would be on familiar roads the whole time. Happily, no collisions of any kind occurred, and also he has not since suggested that my driving a car would be a good choice.
If you have car insurance from a place that does renter’s insurance, car + renter’s may be cheaper than car alone, so check that out, people who drive terrifying moving vehicles.
All of your first paragraph is also me. I’m totally fine at going to regular appointments once I have a place, but finding a place? Nope.
I am also terrified of dentists. I will probably lose all my teeth.
AAAAH.
yes. this. so this.
SO THIS.
i’m 27 and in the process of getting my driver’s licence as we speak and it is TERRIFYING. just, constantly.
this terror is made notably worse by the fact that my (wonderful, ever-so-ridiculously-patient-no-but-really-he’s-got-a-stomach-of-steel-you-should-see-me-try-to-stop-at-the-line) boyfriend drives standard. which means i have to learn to drive standard, since we can’t afford to get a whole other car because lil’ ole me lived in a big city all her life with the greatest public transit system in canada (WHATUP, MONTREAL.), and never needed to drive to get anywhere.
work has generously offered to pay for the lessons, since i’ll need my licence to get around as part of my new grown-up job. so i can’t complain!
except i can.
because it’s terrifying.
i just wanted to say it is profoundly comforting to find so many toasties with the same well-founded fear of giant metal boxes of propellant death.
YAY!
Going to the dentist. Now that my mom no longer bugs me to go (because I no longer live near her), I don’t. It’s probably been almost 3 years… ::covers face, hides in corner::
Jaya I WISH I never had to learn to drive, it is so stressful and costs so much and I hate it.
The biggest that I have not yet tackled as adult is not living paycheck to paycheck and actually being able to save money. I pay all my bills on time (which I guess counts for something) but that’s about it :O
The biggest thing that I do do that signifies I am an adult is volunteer regularly. I am adult enough to manage my time so that I can devote a few hours a few weekends a month to a cause and actually prioritize that as something important (over, say potachoes and mixed drinks on a Sunday, aka, college).
ooh me! I am bad at doing these grown up things! also childhood things, I guess.
I do have a license, but I did not get one until I was ummm 23? somewhere around there.
I finally bit the bullet because it turned a 1.5 hr commute involving 2 buses and 2 trains into a 10-15 minute drive.
I also did not learn how to bicycle until I was 16. I rode a bicycle fewer than 10 times in my entire life until 2 years into grad school when I got plantar fasciitis and it wasn’t going to heal with the amount of walking I did every day. Now I bicycle everywhere, all winter long.
Oh, and not transportation-related, but in the past 2 years, I have also learned how to do the monkey bars and climb a rope–2 skills from elementary school that I’d never mastered. This is definitely my proudest gym accomplishment to date.
I will never pass up an opportunity to jump in somewhere and say PLANTAR FASCIITIS IS THE WOOOORST.
Having a baby.
Also, I have never paid my own cell phone bill. Straight from my dad (ok, really my stepmom my dad is retired and “writes science fiction” for a “living”) to my firm, whom us junior associates like to call Uncle John after a founding partner when it pays for things like cell phones and lunch.
SECONDED. On the Baby, and now I’m safe but teh horror for my entire life. How do people do this so casually?
I am 27 and don’t have my driver’s license, but I got my permit and am thinking I am going to try. But it really, really frightens me. My spatial reasoning is not great! What if I’m on the wrong side of the line? THERE’S SO MANY LINES.
If I wasn’t an academic and knew where I was going to end up, maybe I would just live in a city and never bother. But I could end up anywhere, and ugh also I’m not really a city person. How I avoided learning to drive whilst growing up in RURAL OHIO is still, I think, a little impressive.
Cooking! So many ways to burn and cut yourself, and I’m clumsy under the best of circumstances.
I’ve had my license since I was 17, but I still only drive if I can’t avoid it. Everything just happens so FAST on the road, and I live in a city of particularly angry, aggressive drivers. I am John Mulaney in that bit he does about driving. “I don’t want me to be doing that either!”
While I love to drive, I have noticed that Sherlock takes cabs everywhere, while managing to look especially sultry and brooding.
I learned to drive when I was 27. Finding the right car helped a lot–I drive a Fiat 500 (everything else is waaaaay too big for me). Also getting a GPS with a soothing directional voice that helps you avoid highways is suuuper important.
Other things–I’m not great with the longterm planning whether health or money. Three different people asked me about my retirement sitch this week and I am only 29. (for context–my parents both died in their very early 50s and deep inside I guess I don’t think I’m going to live that long? Maybe i just need a therapist…)
I can handle automatics, but thinking about driving a manual is so terrifying that I had nightmares about learning when my husband said he would teach me because it was stupid that I couldn’t drive his car. But I won that battle. Hybrids don’t come in manual.
“Fast Car” came on the radio on my way home. Driving to songs about driving is the best.
Going to doctors regularly like an adult. Like dentist every 6 months, annual checkups, etc.
Also, budgeting. Money is terrifying
Buying a flat. Technically I can afford it, but what do you do if the boiler breaks, or the ceiling falls in? I got a car a few years ago and can just about handle taxing, insuring and MOT-ing. It has to last forever though because I couldn’t manage car buying again.
Big purchases in general! I managed to buy a really nice fancy bike for riding around on, but that is the single largest purchase I have ever made and it took me forever to deal with because of the NERVOUSNESS. Like, what if I do it WRONG what if I don’t like it anymore what if it EXPLODES. The only reason I finally did it (after about four months of bike commuting) is that a bike that doesn’t fit you limits your speed drastically.
Oh sweet mercy this gets me. I live in Los Angeles, I’m going to be 24 in two months, and I have never had a driver’s license. Driving is something I more or less understand, and can sort of do, but it makes me paralytically anxious and frightened. I take public transit and walk, but in this city that only gets you so far, and I rely much more than I should on my partner driving us on longer trips.
Gee, let’s see: Driving, regular medical checkups, normal employment, healthy adult relationships, consistent cooking skills/general huswifery, earning power, finding and retaining stable housing. I’m basically a gigantic infant and ball of nerves.
I’m 38 and I still haven’t learned to drive (and now I live in New York, so hopefully I’ll never need to). I’m another city person who grew up not needing to drive, and I just plain don’t like cars, period. I reject the entire cultural narrative that says that driving = adulthood. (That scene in “The Forty-Year-Old Virgin” where Steve Carrell’s character’s friends tell him that only kids ride bikes ticked me off no end. Actually that whole movie ticked me off no end, but the driving thing especially.)
I haven’t ever seen that movie, so they may not be referring to people like the ‘Eternal Dave’ (my set of friends has many, many Daves, this is only one of them) who still rides the bike that was super cool when he got it at age 13 and was one of the cool dudes. He’s been in and out of several universities and training programs, but they are all such drags. He talks about working on video games or maybe starting a band (but never does anything to make those real). When he has a job (so lame for such a cool dude), he lives with childhood friends who are willing to have him as a roommate; when he doesn’t he lives with his mom or his aunt.
From the word of those who have had him as a roommate, he doesn’t seem to have any substance abuse problems or severe psychological issues, so why he stays stuck in teenageville, no one knows, but the older we get, the more glaring that becomes.
Totally different guy from adult bike commuter people.
This makes me feel so much better about being 24 and only having a learner’s permit (that I have not ever tried to drive with since I got it almost exactly a year ago). I feel like I should learn to drive because some jobs I want might require having a car/the ability to drive, but mostly the thought of driving terrifies me and if I just live in places with fabulous public transport I can get by, right?
Confirmation from across the coast: I grew up in SF (and will hopefully stay here forever) and just got my permit a year ago.
I didn’t learn to drive until relatively late (24) but now I really enjoy it. In fact, I enjoy all the boring adult things – I have kids, I own a house, I pay my taxes, I wrote a will, the whole thing. On the other hand, I’m terrible at being a kid. I can’t swim, ride a bike, or play basically any sport or game. I can’t even whistle or hang upside from monkey bars.
Oh, god. Anything involving credit, anything money-related more complicated than “keep vague track of checking account and go full thrift-hound in the last week of the month.” I don’t think I’ve ever been responsible for paying bills–those have always been in the name of one roommate or another, I just have to pony up my share when they say so.
Also, cooking. I know HOW to cook, I am in fact a very GOOD cook taught by a phenomenal one (my mom), but I just never…bother? Like I know I’m capable of it. I got gluten-free cheesecake with caramel sauce AND rosemary-parmesan crackers right on the first try, just this evening I made a fairly complicated noodle dish (because I’m staying with my parents now, sigh, and my mom didn’t have the energy to make dinner), but when I’m on my own I just default to loads of salads and sandwiches. (The sandwiches sometimes involve cooking, I guess, because when I was vegetarian I fell into the habit of grilled egg and cheese sandwiches, but that’s about as basic as it gets.) It just seems like such a waste.
This isn’t a general life thing, but right now I’m in the middle of choosing where to go to grad school (I got in, um, way more places than I expected to, which is awesome!!! but HOLY SHIT WHAT DO I DO NOW) and so I’m feeling very swamped by the whole question of competence regarding Life Choices and The Future.
Keeping my house clean!
I just feel like other people (real adults) have nice presentable houses and are always like, sorry about the mess! And I’m thinking, I have an empty pizza box sitting on my kitchen counter. And that’s a good day.
I periodically freak out about this to my husband, who once told me, “Relax. I think if they gave grades for being an adult, you’d be getting a good grade,” which I found oddly comforting.
Driving at speeds over 25mph gives me panic attacks, so I don’t do it either. It’s part of the reason I moved to New York – I want to be able to get around without relying on others but I *cannot* handle the idea of having a panic attack every time I need to go to the grocery store or something.
The adult thing I’ve been avoiding is getting a passport. I could never afford to travel, so it didn’t make sense to drop $200 on a passport. Now that I have a Real Person Job, I can maybe start to travel but I need to get my damn passport like an adult.
How comforting t to see I’m not alone in my aversion to driving! I did get a license when I was in high school, but I never owned a car, moved across the country after college, and have spent my entire post-college life in cities where owning a car tends to be more a burden than a benefit. Also, in the time that I did drive, I had multiple parking mishaps, so … I think those of us who have a hard time processing multiple forms of stimuli at once just shouldn’t be operating large pieces of machinery that could easily kill someone.
I’m perfectly happy taking the Metro and the bus where I need to go, and using cabs for trips that would be too much of a pain via transit. But! What happens when my husband is old and decrepit and needs to be driven to the doctor? There are plenty of cabs where we live, but I can’t imagine they’re fun for anyone who takes a long time to get in and out of a vehicle or deals poorly with being jostled. And isn’t it kind of unfair that when we do our monthly Zipcar shopping or go on a beach vacation, he has to do all the driving? (Although, the beach vacations are always his idea – I prefer visiting cities with good transit.)
I have this idea that I’ll eventually have to start driving again, but I feel like I’d need to do it regularly in order to keep my skills up and not endanger the lives of those around me.
YES, cars are properly horrifying death machines. PREACH IT! When I get into a car, I pretty much think, “I could kill someone with this.” And I’m thirty, and I’ve had my driver’s license since I was 17 (why yes I grew up in a small town).
I used to be able to drive, but then I got into a (very minor) accident and it became terrifying.
I also hate using phones, and, (only somewhat relatedly), never get around to making medical appointments. I was supposed to get my wisdom teeth out, like, 3 years ago.
And I don’t know how to apply makeup, and would happily never learn. I have no idea whether this is realistic.
The husband and I used to roll down the windows on road trips and sing/yell Rush songs, which is always fun when you're going 70 mph. (Not as fun when things in the back seat get sucked out the window, though.)
I learned to drive on a stick shift (one of the worst manual transmissions ever, but still) and always had one until we got our Prii. As much as I love the Prius, I really do miss shifting.
Me too! Standard transmission ftw. Google can keep its awful nightmarish zombie driverless robot cars, that crap is just not for me.
Yes! So many people get complacent and forget the gravity of the situation while driving! Hurtling down the road at high speeds in a machine capable of killing is not the time for multi-tasking!
I just got my license last year at 24 ( I also had all sorts of cultural/personal history excuses)
I’ve been driving a lot lately and it does get easier and a little less stressful each time. Some friends have given me helpful tips and pieces of advice, one of which is that no one wants to get into an accident. So as long as you pay attention and don’t make any dangerous decisions yourself you’re usually okay. Another tip is have a “commute” where you drive the same route regularly and get used to it. That way you get to experience feeling comfortable behind the wheel.
Making appointments for myself. I’ve been out of my parents’ house for eight years and still wish my mom would call my doctor/dentist/therapist/mechanic for me.
I love driving.
Love it as passionately as I hate LA traffic (because the traffic, you see, prevents me from driving).
I praise all the saints for the bliss that is the 2 North, and the 134–glorious, open stretches of freeway with interesting bits to see, enough other cars around to play strategic lane changing games, and most importantly, the ability to go 75mph without being fussed at. The growl my engine makes at 5000rpm, in third gear? It is *sublime*.
On the other hand, being a passenger in a car whose driver does not change lanes in order to get into the fastest moving lane makes me lose my marbles. THERE IS A GIANT GAP RIGHT THERE JUST TAKE IT OMG.
I pay very, very close attention to what I’m doing when I’m driving, and to what other drivers are up to–I watch their wheels to see if they are going to change lanes, make sure that I have empty space in at least three areas around my car, and I always use my turn signal. Husband says I don’t drive defensively, but rather offensively, and that’s basically true.
It’s a glorious thing to me, the ability to get in a vehicle that will take me more miles in six hours than my great-great grandparents traveled in their entire lives. For my money, not much is better than the pure bliss of flying down a quiet freeway on a sunny day at 80 miles per hour. Driving is freedom.
(Caveat: The above opinion has been brought to you by a native Californian, and should be thus considered accordingly. Cities with excellent public transit may find these views bewildering.)