Schrödinger’s Cat Speaks

by Helen Craig · March 20, 2014

This post was brought to you by Amanda.
schrodinger_highquality
Author’s notes:

1. Classical physics doesn’t work when particles get small enough. So we have quantum mechanics, which can predict the probable behaviour of very small particles, but completely fails to describe why they act in the way they do. One famous attempt at a partial explanation is the Copenhagen Interpretation. This mathematical model suggests that a quantum particle exists in all possible states, but only until it is observed. At that point the probability “waveform” collapses into a specific but unpredictable value. Erwin Schrödinger wanted to prove that the model was ridiculous, and could never describe physical reality. He imagined the decay of a radioactive particle indirectly killing a cat, in a sealed box. With no one to observe the decay, it cannot assume any possible states – it cannot happen or not happen. The cat is both alive and dead. Einstein admired Schrödinger’s loyalty to “the assumption of reality.”

2. If you can read this, then you are alive. Interpreted correctly, the voids account for half of the reading experience. Why not use this time to contemplate the inevitability of death?

*

Illustrator: Shing Yin Khor is a cranky Hufflepuff, and also an illustrator, writer and sculptor. You can follow her on Twitter. Her previous work for The Toast can be found here.


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71 Comments

    1. Es_Petal +7

      I would be hugging mine and crying if they weren’t having dinner. They definitely exist.

    2. literaltrousersnake +7

      I just… i need to go home and visit a critter I can this be added to the sickday checklist it _feels_ like I listened to Leonard Cohen

    3. PonyAlong +5

      It’s making me teary, too! Who knew physics could be such an existential bummer.

    5. lavaloving +1

      I….need to go hug my kittens. And make sure they know that a hug means life and love and not dying with the smell of petrol in their nostrils.

  3. dakimel +20

    The blackness of the black boxes is so
    black
    so black and so sad
    and the cat moves in the blackness
    or he does not
    or he does
    and his word and his claws are so
    sad

    1. Helen Craig +6

      Thank you so much! I was absolutely stunned when I realised Shing was illustrating this.

    2. Beakses +2

      I squee’d with delight after the first panel, and then immediately shared it with all friends and family. The rest did not disappoint.

  8. Toft +5

    This reminds me of the patient in Infinite Jest* who does not know whether she is blind or not, and hasn’t opened her eyes for years because she is afraid of finding out that she is in fact blind.

    Also, why is the last dead panel larger? AHH!

    *Sorry! I don’t want to become an incessant Infinite Jest quoter. Just this one time, I promise.

    1. abrantingham +4

      My friends are so sick of me talking about Infinite Jest. I CAN’T HELP IT. It’s the only book I’ve been reading for like, three months.

    2. MaladyDee +4

      I think we all know (and don’t want to think about) why the last dead panel is twice as large. :(((((

    2. Toft +8

      Maxwell’s demon has the potential to be equally depressing:

      “They told me the world was doomed to die eventually, because of the inevitable decay of order and structure. But that only happens because the universe is mindless and can’t take care of itself. I have a mind! And even though I am very small and don’t have control over very much, I can decide whether this little door is open or closed. I decide whether particles get in or stay out. And I will use what little power I have to keep my home from decay.”

      “I was wrong. By the very observations I made, by the very mental computations I performed, I served the enemy. I increased disorder. It would have been better if I had done nothing at all. Maybe… maybe they were right to call me a demon.”

    3. anachronistique +5

      WAIT A MINUTE is this why the alter ego of Brian Slade in “Velvet Goldmine” is called Maxwell Demon? HOLY CRAP

      — anachronistique, always contributing quality thoughts to toasterly discussions

      1. Myrtle +1

        Any reference to that movie makes me so happy. “Velvet Goldmine” was both sexy and deep

  10. Helen Craig +36

    I am so massivley lucky to have Shing Yin Khor’s illustrations on this, and I definitely, absolutely want to apologise for referencing her tribble comic so fast when I first met her.

    2. dakimel +9

      I would talk about that tribble comic for like an hour if I met her and she would have to call in random strangers to create a wall of humanity to separate us.

      (And your writing fits so well with her illustrations! It’s a great pairing.)

    3. squidandbeer +12

      No apologies necessary, I’ve apparently developed a subspecialty in illustrating fuzzy dead things! 🙂

      (and your work was a pleasure to work with!)

  11. catoclock +1

    This is TOO GOOD and that cat looks like a cartoon version of my stupid-ass cat (that I love a completely unreasonable amount)

  12. madgehowlet +10

    Why am I crying today? Because of a cartoon about a theoretical cat, that’s all. (And also “Wichita Lineman.”)

    But seriously, this is a lovely, heartbreaking poem.

  13. liznieve +3

    oh jeez. I just want to run to my cat and hug her and apologize for trapping her in a studio apartment (I do this every night)

  14. AmazingSandwich +10

    If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here sitting in this box, which is sodden with my existential tears.

  15. Es_Petal +19

    Saffron is real

    She may be auditioning to be the next Grumpy Cat, but she is definitely real.

    Even when she’s in a box.

    Multistorey cats

    1. squidandbeer +19

      Can this be a pictures-of-our-cats thread?

      This is Gus, in a state of postmodern ennui.

      (He’s also the model for the cat in the story)

      1. CleverManka +12

        OH YES PLEASE I would love to see everyone’s kitties! Gus is so beautiful!!!

        This is what mine (her name was Fetish) looked like five years ago:
        inabox. Not sure if anyone wants to see what she looks like now, but if you’re really interested, click here (not gross, just sad).

        1. squidandbeer +1

          How did you get your cat’s bones cleaned like that? I’d love to be able to do something like that someday(hopefully not anytime soon).

          1. CleverManka +6

            I contacted a woman who sells pelts and bones at my local Renaissance Festival. I think a taxidermist might be able to help you, too. Or at least point you in the right direction.

            Edit: Also? I am so happy I was able to do this with her body. I still occasionally open the box with her bones and hold her skull. Much like elephants caress the bones of their deceased. It’s very moving and comforting. I hope you find someone to help you with that when the time comes.

      3. Helen Craig +3

        He is SOOOOOOOO cute. All right, when I get home I’m taking a picture of Mitzi, who is not really my cat but lives in the shared house.

      4. catoclock +16

        I’ve been waiting my whole life for a Toast pictures-of-our-cats thread.

        My cat is an idiot.

    2. CleverManka +4

      I love her facial markings! The saucy kitty on top of the box is quite the looker, too.

      1. Es_Petal +6

        She has great orange eyeliner, and the tabby M in the middle of her forehead nearly always makes her look really pissed off. She’s actually a really sunny little soul who spends all day chirruping and purring and singing, but she looks like she’s planning global thermonuclear war. She’s called Saffron because I think she looks like Christina Hendricks, and her brother is Captain Stripeypants.

    3. Helen Craig +5

      Gorgeous! I’m going to keep a list of cats who are confirmed to have read this story.

  17. ejbaker13 +8

    SHE HAS A DEGREE IN THE HISTORY OF SCIENCE. THIS IS THE BEST AND I WANT TO KNOW ALL OF IT.

      1. mirandawmeyer +3

        I am in the middle of picking a grad school right now, and I was going through course catalogs and actually found a course on the history of magic in one of those schools! I was THISCLOSE to just saying “fuck it, I’ll go there, they have HISTORY OF MAGIC” but then I realized I will never have time to take such a class anyway since I am doing an MA in Middle Eastern Studies 🙁

          1. mirandawmeyer +2

            I have no doubt of this at all (also, let me take a moment to ask that everyone kindly read Alif the Unseen), but since my thing in the field is more about the performance of violence and nonstate actors and Islamic politics, alas, I am on a divergent course. (I would so do it if I could, but the thing about MAs is that you only have two years and there are often requirements, so taking classes solely for my own delight is pretty much a pipe dream. Sigh.)

  18. prost +10

    1. The black panels are gorgeous.

    2. I always associate Schroedinger’s cat with Rusty in Anne of the Island, so I’m sort of imagining this as his internal monologue. In one of these timelines he survives to go fight with Joseph and the Sarah-cat.

  20. combledore +13

    Oh my god, when I asked to sponsor a post, I had no idea it would be this wonderful. Thank you both so much for this (though not for how I’m tearing up at my desk), and hooray for the Toast!

  21. Rachel +6

    “There are only two states, here or not here. They both happen at once.”

    That gave me chills.