This is Your Game of Thrones Thread

by Nicole Cliffe · April 17, 2014

1. DUDE. That fuuuuuuuuucking creepy lil Hobbit dude and what he’s made ol’ goiter-face Theon into!

2. Look, if you’re ever in, like, great peril in a circumstance which generally involves a lot of court intrigue, and the dude who obviously loves you sends you away in tears while pretending he doesn’t love you anymore, say “I get it. No hard feelings.”

3. I know Melisandre is terrifying, but, tbh, the Lord of Light is the only deity we are super-sure really exists and gets the job done, maybe we should all worship him? I guess there’s the funky-looking tree with the red leaves, but that’s not exactly up there with pushing smoke people out of your vag with the power to operate weapons.

4. There should be more being-hand-fed-fruit-while-giving-suggestive-glances-to-third-parties in all our lives. Let’s work on that!

5. Oh, right. RIP SWEEEEEEET KING JOFFREY MAY FLIGHTS OF ANGELS EAT YOUR GENITALS AND URINATE IN YOUR MOUTH.

Cliffe OUT, may this show never end, may it go on for thousands of years, and do not complain about Twitter spoilers, the books are a couple of bucks used and are written at a sixth-grade reading level if you are so into GoT that you get palpitations about hearing stuff while using the internet like a grownup fortunate enough to be born into the age of the internet. I set an alarm for five am to watch it before my kid woke up because I take responsibility for my LIFE.

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148 Comments

  2. CurrerBelle +57

    The only way this series will ever end (in my own head) is that Margaery, Sansa, and Daenerys rule as a Triumvirate and name Brienne as the Captain of the Queensguard.

    That’s all I’ve got.

    1. rkfire +5

      I was thinking that Margaery could rule the south, except there’s Dorne and honestly, they are into Queen Regnants so.. they should just go ahead and continue doing their own thing.

    3. mkpatter +12

      This is what I want too. And when you think about it, it’s mostly the dudes getting knocked off. I think our matriarchy is coming.

  3. Julie the T +12

    So many things about this post are the best. Nicole, your commitment to GoT is highly commendable, and excellent sum-up of spoilers and the books – you can seriously rip through one a week.

    Some friends who come over to watch with us were discussing the following: if you/your family/your house had a sigil, what would it be? (I hope this is not already a Buzzfeed quiz) I think ours would be a black bunny, because our bunny is black and he is my favorite creature in the world (sorry husband), and I am literal as all get out.

  4. daisymap +22

    I didn’t realise Brienne was going to be in a love thing with Jamie! Did I fail to notice it because I have a sixth-grade WATCHING age and just thought they had a jolly mutual respect thing going on with a lot of swordplay?

    O WELL. Long Live Queen Margaery…right? RIGHT?

    1. safvn +22

      I sort of…realized it would be a love thing but it’s not a romantic-love thing? I think their relationship is undefinable, but romance is not NOT a part of it.

      1. Prawns +34

        It’s the most confusing boner of his life.

        “But, but, I’m not related to her!”

    3. YeahJustAlice +15

      Well, they *had* a mutual respect thing, but then Brienne stood up in the bath, and you know… boobies, amiright?

    4. whittingly +43

      I don’t care if they ever have an actual relationship or not as long as Cersei keeps making that face when she thinks they have one.

    5. SmrtCookie +15

      I am so, so, so mad that the show is making Brienne love Jaime. Men and woman can be friends without being in love! Men and woman can respect each other without being in love! Stop ruining it, show!

      1. Adele Quested +9

        I appreciate your general point, but Brienne definitely has a crush on Jaime in the books. It’s painfully obvious how he’s gradually replacing Renly in her fantasies and whenever she catches herself, she has to forcibly remind herself “Renly, Renly, it’s Renly I want”. I for one remain unconvinced. Ladies protesting too much and everything.

        1. thewhelk +9

          Since I always think of Brienne as being The Ideal Knight and the only Order Good character in the show it would make sense that she has a romantic longing for a an unachievable figure cause that was the basis of Courtly Love and within those rules of course a noble knights falls for an impossible noble, it’s just gender-flipped here.

    6. mkpatter +17

      I think there is lots of kinds of love mixed in that relationship, which is why I like it so much. I mean, Brienne and Jaime went through something together that was pretty horrible, and it made them close. I don’t think either of them have ever really been that vulnerable in front of someone else before. So, of course their relationship is special.

  5. rkfire +44

    DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE FUNKY LOOKING TREES WITH THE RED LEAVES

    I mean, come on, it’s pretty much Westeros’ internet. WEIRWOOD.NET, what what

    1. GreenGrasses +22

      I haven’t read the books, but I really hope those trees and Bran’s powers and all of the Old Gods stuff really comes back and makes a huge grand entrance because I love that kinda “forgotten pantheon of powerful gods who will still eff you up” kinda stuff.

      1. rkfire +16

        I am honestly hoping they use Bran + weirwood trees to explain a lot of the backstory in this world, including the stories about Rhaegar Targaryen and Robert’s Rebellion. Fingers crossed!

  6. jhsaxena +31

    I DO NOT BELIEVE IN SPOILERS. COME AT ME.

    Also oh man, such feelings for Cersei. On one hand you raised an inbred monster, but he’s still your son who dies in your arms right?? Ugh.

    1. meganjm +20

      Seconded. I am the only GoT book reader in my office of tv viewers. I have been keeping massive secrets to myself and doling out explanations very carefully for years now and I am SICK OF IT.

      For example, I recently told a coworker that even book readers don’t know for certain who poisoned Joffrey and she nearly took my head off. That’s not a spoiler and I can’t keep being coy around you people forever!

      1. jhsaxena +13

        I haven’t even read the books! I just think that the way a story is told is more important than specific twists or reveals. I could know every single person who died and who did it and it wouldn’t matter, because I wouldn’t know how everyone got there.

        1. themegnapkin +11

          I don’t know – knowing that the Red Wedding was coming made me and my friends really cynical when it came to all the scenes the show spent on Robb and his wife and their great love. We did a collective rolling-of-the-eyes when she announced her pregnancy.

          1. Prawns +4

            I just hated how they really shoe-horned Robb’s whole romance plot into the show. And the PREGNANCY, for shame.

        2. Linette +10

          Oh thank GAWD it’s not just me. I have never understood why you need to be surprised by things to find them moving or interesting. I know pretty much the entire plot of multiple movies/shows I have never seen, and this has not lessened my desire to one day see them.

        3. SarcasticFringehead +11

          I mean, do spoiler-phobes not watch historical shows? Do they avoid, like, Tudors because history already spoiled it?

          1. MilesofMountain +5

            I for reals remember reading an online discussion about the first season of The Tudors over whether “Anne Bolyn gets beheaded” was a spoiler. So, no, they don’t avoid it, they just demand that people spoiler-tag historical facts.

        1. meganjm +2

          I have a pretty good theory, but it seems like exactly who was involved and how is still the subject of some debate.

          1. meetapossum +10

            But…LF spells it out for Sansa. (Because he’s a dummy and thinks she’s trustworthy and he wants to turn her into Cat 2.0). I see no reason why it would be a mystery. I think the only thing in question is how much Margaery knew.

          2. meganjm +4

            Right, whether Margaery was involved and also whether there is anyone else involved.

          3. LeastBittern +1

            Could you elaborate on the debate? It seems open and shut to me, but maybe Littlefinger is lying and there’s another explanation?

          4. menunu +1

            I don’t think he’s lying. I think it happened just how LF said it did. THOUGH I think Margaery was involved in the books, as they were drinking from the same goblet. She would have to know, because she would have to know to stop drinking.

    2. Abanthis +6

      His parents were the only people at the party in his honour/in the world who gave a shit about his wellbeing and they can’t even mourn together.

      1. GigiAuLait +15

        You may ammend that opinion next week…

        But for serious, watching Jaimie run for Joffrey gave me a little lump in my throat and I forgot that he shoved a kid out of a window.

        1. GreenGrasses +7

          Yeah Cersei yelling for everyone to help their king was pretty wrenching for me because I respect her and despite her son being terrible she really, really, really loved him.

        3. Prawns +15

          I have such a stupid thing for Jaime that I will sometimes gush slightly to my husband about how great Jaime is, and he just always responds “You know he pushed Bran out of that window.”

          And, I always seem to be remembering anew. I just cannot retain that information.

          1. SarcasticFringehead +4

            I kept having that problem as I was reading the books. “Aww, poor Jaime! …wait, no, he was a TOTAL DICK.” “Aww, poor Joffrey! …wait, no, he was a TOTAL DICK.” “Aww, poor Theon! …wait, no, he was a TOTAL…dick.”

          3. meetapossum +3

            My friend didn’t believe me at first when I told her she was going to feel bad for Theon.

            I love my little squid very dearly, but I have to keep remembering that he BETRAYED ROBB THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND MURDERED TWO CHILDREN.

          4. menunu +1

            Ughhh that scene in the book is so epic!!!! That was the moment I knew I would be hooked on this series till the end of time. Pushing an 8 year old POV character out the window?! WHAT THE EVERLOVING WHAT?

  7. KayTay +33

    I know I’ve been brainwashed by Femslash Friday, but there was definitely subtext to Brienne and Margery’s meeting in the first episode, right? Like, they left to go hook up? I like Jamie/Brienne as much as the next girl, but this is a butch/femme power coupling for the ages.

    Also, remembering Theon as the musical prodigy who inspires international diplomacy by singing ‘War’ in Agent Cody Banks 2 really the only thing that makes his scenes watchable. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6Wygjx2dzc for the RIGHTFULLY CURIOUS.)

  8. rallisaurus +7

    My Aunt has been binge-watching the first couple seasons of GoT and it took all of my willpower not to mention the Red Wedding. I mean, the book has been out for years, so what’s the statute of limitations on spoilers?

    And how can anyone understand the show if they haven’t read the books!? I can barely follow who is who sometimes and I’ve read them all.

    Also, this week’s episode made me remember why sometimes I have to stop watching for a while, because do we really need to see such graphic evidence of why Ramsay Snow is so horrible? Really show!? REALLY!???

    1. meetapossum +12

      To be fair, that’s one of those things that’s straight outta the books (unlike Joff’s prostitute murdering ways).

      1. bastardsnow +4

        This is very true! And they do a little too excellent a job of it… it’s stomach-turning.

          1. bastardsnow +7

            Yeah. I may have been a bit obsessed with the books for a while. I may have, when I discovered them, not gone to class in undergrad for… 2 weeks?

    2. tekkah +18

      My view re: spoiling it if you’ve read the books (and I have, ages ago) is that it’s unfair to expect everyone to have all read the (enormous, ponderous, not all that well-paced) books and if someone’s enjoying it as a TV fan, just treat it like you would any TV show that’s airing new episodes. My husband and his sister both haven’t read the books and are watching the series completely unspoiled–husband doesn’t want to read it, but his sister intends to but only AFTER she’s done with the show, because she doesn’t want the differences from medium to medium to affect the way she watches. It’s everyone’s personal choice how to do it and I think being all “well the books are out there, hurry it up and get on those so you don’t have to worry about spoilers” isn’t really fair. Not everyone’s got the time or inclination to pick up a huge fantasy series and are just fine seeing it all for the first time on TV.

      1. rallisaurus +4

        Oh that’s definitely true. The 4th book almost finished me in!

        And obviously the Red Wedding reactions were priceless!

        1. tekkah +24

          I’m pretty sure the power of skimming is what got me to finish book 5 at all. So far this series (to me) has been 2 books’ worth of actual plot and development and 3 books’ worth of people moving around maps. Which is just… not well done at all. The characters and politics in these books are vastly interesting but GRRM wraps it in so much crap that it’s ridiculous. The guy’s editor needs a bullwhip and a stronger spine.

          2. menunu +2

            Yeah I care NOTHING for these new people. Aegon/Young Griff?. SO the babies that we didn’t actually care about whether they were dead or not, are actually alive???? wow. I am so interested in that boring boat ride. Please, tell me more. Oh Dany isn’t in Westeros yet? By the 5th book? Wow, how amazing.

            Don’t even get me started on the “Darkstar” guy. I actually think I threw up during AFFC when he appeared.

          3. meetapossum +5

            Oh, man, I actually like Young Griff and Jon Connington.

            I’m convinced Dany will never get to Westeros. All just a red herring!

          4. menunu +4

            OK FINE. I like Jon Connington. I especially liked when he had that wistful scene remembering Rhaegar. I will always be a fan of unrequited love.. or whatever.. I’m no softie.

      2. LeastBittern +6

        Ugh, this is so mature that I now have to reconsider my self-righteous stance. Thanks for making me consider the consequences of my actions, jerk.

        (I don’t think you’re a jerk. I think this is very wise, goddammit. I hate being wrong.)

  9. kickupdust +25

    I just went and read wikipedia for all the remaining books yesterday, so your spoilers mean nothing to me.

    2. Helen Craig +1

      Yesssss! I did this and feel no shame. Those books are LONG and repetitive, ain’t no one got time for that.

    3. LeastBittern +8

      I read the first three chapters of the first book and then hit up wikipedia to find out when and how they reveal who Jon Snow’s parents are, it’s obvious guys, it’s totally like four more chapters into this book, right? I’m glad I did, because then I could have the fucking complex French concepts about Ned and honor and death through the whole book.

      My favorite part of Hild is that there’s a person with secret parentage, and basically everyone figures it out because they can math and genetics. Dude, GRRM.

      1. meetapossum +2

        SO OBVIOUS. Yet there are still people who don’t believe that R+L=J. ARE THEY HIGH?

  10. tekkah +23

    DING, DONG THE SHIT IS DEAD
    LITTLE SHIT, THAT STINKING SHIT
    DING, DONG THE LITTLE SHIT IS DEEEEEEEEEAD

    *trumpets* *singing munchkins* *lollipop guild*

    1. meetapossum +8

      I loved that that’s how the wedding was framed. SO GOOD.

      A mystery to all except those of us who read the books.

    1. rkfire +39

      Everyone on the internet has been talking about Oberyn, but can I just say how much I love Ellaria Sand’s swagger in that shot?

      1. GreenGrasses +9

        Remember her in Rome as the main character’s wife?? She was hot then, she’s hot now!!

      2. SmrtCookie +8

        I just now noticed Pod in the background. That would have been my reaction too, Pod.

    2. vmartinipie +14

      God I love them. I want a Mean Girls gifset about Oberyn and Ellaria. You know the one I mean.

    3. thewildland +39

      Can we talk real quick about Indira Varma’s hip-sway game? Because that shit is ON. POINT.

    4. PoodlesInHats +20

      Can we talk about Ellaria Sand’s outfit?! THOSE SHOULDER PADS. I squealed with joy when she came on screen.

    5. 900ccs +10

      Guys, I was just checking her page on the ASOIAF wiki because I forgot what she was doing in the later books and something ELSE that I forgot about her is that GRRM totally goes all not a beautiful woman on her. BLECCHHHHH.

      But Ellaria’s great and I’m excited for the rest of the Sand sisters too.

  14. meetapossum +7

    This is all I’ve ever wanted. I’m just going to be in this thread all day posting gifs and squealing about the books.

    1. vmartinipie +21

      My friend believes Peter Dinklage is the best actor on the show, and while I agree he is like, in the top 5 or even 3, I will never give up Conleth Hill’s spot at the top to another.

      2. paperbgprincess +14

        I just can’t handle Dinklage’s accent! It seems so weird and fake and it’s really distracting.

          1. paperbgprincess +6

            Or maybe added a bit of backstory about how he spent a couple of formative years abroad or had a nanny or something with an American accent, and then he can just use his regular accent? I feel like with everything going on in the show it wouldn’t be THAT much of a stretch to add in.

    2. LeastBittern +7

      “Just a couple more years, and then you can have the Faceless men kill him with a boar too.”

  16. thewildland +23

    When Tyrion was sending Shae away, I shouted aloud to my watching companions,
    “HE’S WHITE FANGING HER”

    1. mkpatter +4

      Hahah literally everyone is like “He White Fanged her!” OR “He Harry and the Hendersons her!”

  18. meetapossum +11

    Locke (aka the Artist Formerly Known as Vargo Hoat): The only person in the Seven Kingdoms who doesn’t know who Jon Snow is.

  19. PoodlesInHats +13

    I was weirdly kind of bummed when Joffrey died. I spent a lot of time hating him, but so much of my hate-energy became transferred to Ramsay Snow that I started enjoying Joffrey’s scenes. Mostly because Jack Gleeson is so good at playing a gleeful little shit.

    1. AmyJane +10

      This is the terrible magic of GRRM. He spends the whole drive of the first few books making you HATE the Lannisters but then by the time they actually start to cop it the Freys and the Boltons are the new Worst and all the glory of it is tainted.

  20. Abanthis +50

    Oberyn, delightful Oberyn, one of very few men in Westeros who doesn’t think war crimes or rape or civilian casualties are things that just happen, nbd, can’t go blaming anyone, that’s life.

  21. romastrega +3

    I love this post with fiery passion of three dragons and agree with all points.
    And that Sansa gif is my new everything.

  22. MilesofMountain +13

    I think I might be getting close to my limit on the amount of gruesome violence against women I can take from the show, which surprises me because I made it through the books. I think it’s the greater Ramsay Snow presence that’s getting to me. Did we really need THAT LONG of a sequence of him hunting women? And I’m worried that Fat Walda’s going to be slotted into the Lady Hornwood role and I really really don’t want to see that.

    1. rallisaurus +6

      Yeah, I struggled with it in the books, but it’s much more gruesome and gratuitous in the show and sometimes I just want to throw something at the tv. Ramsay Snow is just our new Joffrey I guess.
      But on the other hand, the show does handle some of the female characters much better than Martin ever did.

      1. MilesofMountain +3

        He did, but I don’t remember her actually doing anything after that point, so the fact that they cast her and made a point of showing that she was charmed by Ramsay makes me worried.

        1. meetapossum +11

          She’s around a lot in the books! Roose is also pretty fond of her, it seems. I think a lot of her inclusion in the show, though, is just to reaffirm that Roose and Walder Frey solidified their alliance before the Red Wedding.

          1. MilesofMountain +1

            Oh good! I couldn’t remember her being around, but if Roose likes her he probably wouldn’t leave her with Ramsay after what he did to Theon.

          2. mkpatter +6

            She’s very….well, I wouldn’t say fond of Roose, but she is very, very much a smug bride in the books. She is pretty much like, “FUCK THEM SKINNY BITCHES.” (The skinny bitches being the sisters Roose didn’t choose because they wouldn’t weigh enough in gold.)

          3. meetapossum +4

            And he likes her because she makes lots of noises in bed! I think Roose/Walda might be my OTP.

  23. bitzyboozer +2

    Tried to read the books but I just found them so deadly boring. Obvs dude can craft a story, I guess it’s just the aforementioned 6th-grade reading level that I couldn’t stand. I enjoy watching the show much more, so I will risk the constant peril of spoilers.

    2. rangiferina +6

      I can’t waaaaaaaait, omg. I’m pretty sure I almost threw my book when THAT happened.

    1. MilesofMountain +18

      I love that while she barely had any lines, and her direction seemed to mostly be “Sansa doesn’t react”, she managed to be such a presence. Sophie Turner is the best!

  26. hodgmina +5

    I’ve not seen any of season 4 yet (thanks, mom and dad, for getting rid of HBO right before Game of Thrones starts), but have spoiled myself for the first two episodes. NO REGRETS. I will spend episode to in gleeful anticipation/dread when I do finally see it.

    Side note: HBO, I will gladly pay for Game of Thrones on iTunes or Amazon Instant, if you just make it available. PLEASE.

  27. paperbgprincess +6

    Okay, so I was talking with a friend of mine recently about GOT — I watch and enjoy the show, but I still have lots of reservations about particularly all the violence against women, etc. And I read the first book, and I was SO turned off by how young everyone is in the books! Like, everyone’s 13!?!?! Anyway so I was telling my friend about how I preferred the show’s aged-up actors because I felt squicky about all of the sex-and-violence with preteens stuff in the books, and he told me that “because of the way the seasons work, time is all wonky, so a 13-year old would REALLY be more like 16 or 17, so it’s not a problem.”

    Is that really a thing? Or is it some kind of mansplain-y BS?

    1. MilesofMountain +22

      I think it’s BS. They really are the age they’re supposed to be. GRRM did originally plan a big time-jump after (I think) the first book that would have put the characters closer to their TV ages, but then realized that wasn’t going to work plot-wise. He’s said he wishes he made them older and prefers the show ages. I just pretend they’re older in the books, Robb is the only one whose story is better with his book age, I think.

      1. mollyculetheory +12

        Whattt iffff… Westeros is on a different planet with solar years that are like 1.4 times longer than Earth years? I think I’m just going to go with that.

    3. mkpatter +7

      I do not really understand your friend’s explanation?

      BUT, OK, so Martin has acknowledged that he wished he made the kids older before, and he actually did want to jump ahead like 5 years in A Feast For Crows, but he couldn’t figure out how to do it. BUT ALSO, since the books are so historically based, 13 year olds getting married and was pretty much the standard, and going off to war at 15 wasn’t that unusual either. 13 was usually when you were considered an adult. So, it’s squicky to us, but our conception of childhood is only like 200 years old.

      1. paperbgprincess +3

        It was something like, because the seasons are all messed up — with like ten-year summers or whatever — that their “year” isn’t the same as our “year” so nobody’s really that young.

        I have heard the historical argument before, and I do understand it — and I know that it was really common for actual 13-year olds to get married and stuff in actual history — but I still do not enjoy reading about it. I just can’t put aside my “modern conception of childhood,” I guess.

        1. bloodygranuaile +13

          Nope, that seasons thing is total made-up bs by your dude friend, both books and show have people going around going “yeah that winter lasted three years” and “damn this summer has lasted ten years” so if there’s any way their years are different (a) we’re not hearing about it and (b) it still has fucknothing to do with the seasons.

        2. mkpatter +3

          Uh nope, years work the same, it’s just the seasons that are different. (And it’s only in Westeros where they have the years long winters.)

    4. vmartinipie +1

      I dunno, most of the sex and violence I remember is not with the kid characters (minus Dany I guess, which is a little gross to me), and the stuff in the show (like Joffrey and the poor sex workers) has been inserted by D&D.

      1. mkpatter +5

        The Joffrey and the sex workers thing actually wasn’t inserted, it was just actually shown. It does happen, but it’s more alluded to, and I don’t think it actually goes into any specifics of what he does to them.

    5. SarcasticFringehead +4

      I mean, if you count a “year” as, say, from midwinter to midwinter, then sure, a “year” in GoT would probably be at least several of our Earth years. None of the Stark kids have even experienced a winter before, right? That said, prepubescent is prepubescent any way you slice it, so it’s still mansplainy BS.

  28. alicia +6

    I sincerely hope that both Sansa and Tyrion survive the wars and end up together as Lord and Lady of Casterly Rock.

    1. divingbeth +7

      Can she also be Queen of the North, though? And can The Clegane Formerly Known As The Hound be there too?

  29. anachronistique +13

    Bless your little heart, Jack Gleeson, and may you never get recognized on the street for playing such a terrible, terrible character.

  30. lucywoodhull +9

    Poor evil Simon from Misfits — why do you hate him? Theon was a dick, and now he’s not! GET IT?! It’s poetry! Ha ha ha ha seriously tho Iwan Rheon is gorgeously hot, and his evilness confuses and arouses me.

      1. meetapossum +1

        < img src=”http://whateverthelinkis.com/toyourgif.gif” >

        Without the spaces.

      2. 900ccs +1

        It’s just html, so

        [img src=”www.example.com/thisistheurlofyourdesiredimage.jpg”]

        Replace the brackets with chevrons! You can usually get the url of an image by right clicking on it and selecting “copy image URL”.

  32. dymphna_saith +5

    I’m really hoping that Joffrey actually just died because he was allergic to something in that pie.

    That would be hilarious.

  33. menunu

    He also acknowledged Edric Storm, who has been combined with the character Gendry on the show.