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1. DUDE. That fuuuuuuuuucking creepy lil Hobbit dude and what he’s made ol’ goiter-face Theon into!

2. Look, if you’re ever in, like, great peril in a circumstance which generally involves a lot of court intrigue, and the dude who obviously loves you sends you away in tears while pretending he doesn’t love you anymore, say “I get it. No hard feelings.”

3. I know Melisandre is terrifying, but, tbh, the Lord of Light is the only deity we are super-sure really exists and gets the job done, maybe we should all worship him? I guess there’s the funky-looking tree with the red leaves, but that’s not exactly up there with pushing smoke people out of your vag with the power to operate weapons.

4. There should be more being-hand-fed-fruit-while-giving-suggestive-glances-to-third-parties in all our lives. Let’s work on that!

5. Oh, right. RIP SWEEEEEEET KING JOFFREY MAY FLIGHTS OF ANGELS EAT YOUR GENITALS AND URINATE IN YOUR MOUTH.

Cliffe OUT, may this show never end, may it go on for thousands of years, and do not complain about Twitter spoilers, the books are a couple of bucks used and are written at a sixth-grade reading level if you are so into GoT that you get palpitations about hearing stuff while using the internet like a grownup fortunate enough to be born into the age of the internet. I set an alarm for five am to watch it before my kid woke up because I take responsibility for my LIFE.

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