Sometimes you just need a really large bowl of meatballs to go with your life. Happy May 2nd, Toasties. Is it Negroni Season yet?
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
Sometimes you just need a really large bowl of meatballs to go with your life. Happy May 2nd, Toasties. Is it Negroni Season yet?
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
In my heart it is always negroni season.
I’ll drink to that.
We have been drinking Negronis specifically to spite winter. It hasn’t worked for shit, but we have enjoyed it.
I had a “beet negroni” at dinner the other day, and it was pretty good! And then the bartender bought it for me so it was better.
OH GOD I read this as “beef negroni” at first and my stomach turned. But a beeT negroni sounds quite interesting..
Careful…
I had a thing called a “negroni champagne cocktail” when I went out for a drink on Easter and it was pretty great (was it mostly so I could post an instagram picture with #negroniseason, maybe).
It certainly is.
As I am currently without gin (I know, I know), I have started drinking campari with sprite and a squeeze of lemon. It’s delicious and has lower alcohol, which is great for lightweights like me.
LEST WE FORGET: http://www.theawl.com/2010/05/negroni-season
I got another poem published! That’s good! But it’s a subscription-based lit journal, and I’m not going to ask anyone to cough up 99ยข to read it. That’s bad. But I like it, I think it’s a pretty good poem! That’s good! But it contains potassium benzoate. That’s bad.
Congratulations! I bet if you posted the link, plenty of us WOULD cough up 99 cents. *wink*
Yeeeeah, but I think that’s maybe a little gauche? Also, maybe against Open Thread rules? I’ll link to it if there’s ever a self-promotion thread ๐
A poem is absolutely worth 99 cents to me! (Maybe even more!)
“Can I go now?”
Link = 99c! I’d love to read your poem.
Have most people had a pretty stressful/crappy week? It’s been rainy most of this week (some streets actually collapsed in nearby Baltimore! Yay!) and I’ve been crazy busy at work and it’s Mr.B_Ham’s final exams.
But I’m looking forward to Toast t-shirts on Monday! And Twitter #SpaceWitch day was very successful yesterday, so it hasn’t been all bad?
OH MY GOD that road collapse! WOW.
I was delighted with the success of #SpaceWitch. So much fun. Also can’t wait to see the shirts!!
Has it stopped raining out there yet????
At least here in DC, Thursday and Friday have been pretty sunny (yesterday was humid as all get out, though).
My week sucked. Not for any particular reason, i’m just stressed at work and battling sniffles and generally feeling glum.
I banish you, sniffles! Begone from mittenstheboar IMMEDIATELY!
(Feel better!)
Awww! Thanks.
it dropped back down to the 40s and my office was FREEZING and I flat out refuse to wear my winter coat so I was VERY COLD INDEED ๐ ๐ ๐
It was not really that cold outside, but our office is ALWAYS ten degrees cooler than the rest of the building. On Wednesday, we were all FREEZING. It was pretty crappy. I commiserate!
The rain here was actually much appreciated (midwest). Not so much it flooded, but enough I’m going on a float trip this weekend. Whoo!
You may take all our rain.
What is a float trip?
We could use some more; the water table is still low from last year. Float trips are just canoeing/kayaking down a river. Or tubing, I guess, but I only ever do them in watercraft that needs a paddle.
I am sick and both of my kids are sick and we are desperately in need of some of that rain, please send it our way. ๐ So not the best week ever but at least it’s almost the weekend!
You may share some of our rain with AmazingSandwich.
I hope you and your kids feel better soon! (Only thing worse than sick kids is being sick at the same time as sick kids.)
Thanks!ย Your good wishes worked because they are both doing really well at this point, and we even managed to bake some chocolate chip muffins despite an intervening potty-related tragedy (about which the less said the better).ย
Rain rain rain.ย Oh please rain.
I had an AWFUL week and feel your pain.
Can someone explain the SpaceWitch thing to me? I feel like I missed something vital.
IceBergMama (Bergy) deemed that Thursday would be #SpaceWitch day on Twitter. Some of the Twitter toasties do sort of theme days. Often they are outfit-related (“everyone Tweet a picture of your #toomanycolors outfit,” etc.) but #SpaceWitch was a little different. Bergy’s instructions: “Tomorrow is #SpaceWitch day. Everyone has to do some tweets about space witches. Drawings, stories, dress like a space witch & post a selfie.” It was pretty freeform/open to interpretation.
My week was stressful as fuck but ended really well – I got the final offer for my new job, they’re giving me the salary I asked for, and I just sent back the signed offer letter! I am beyond thrilled that I will be out of here in 2 weeks!
WOOOOOOOOO!!!! How great is that end to a terrible week? Congratulations. ๐
THAT FUCKING RULES! WAY TO GO, JC!
Thanks!!! I’m trying not to walk around with a big grin on my face b/c not everyone knows yet, but man, it’s a huge relief. I’m going to go drink all the drinks tonight!
I had the ultimate stressful/crappy week which actually culminated in me asking my boss for Monday and Tuesday off for a mental health vacation. She thankfully allowed it, but I still feel pretty bad for having asked so short-notice.
I am glad she was able to accommodate your request though! And I hope it helps and you feel better!
What’s this about Toast shirts??
https://twitter.com/Nick_Pavich/status/4620046624…
Thanks!!!! Eep!
Yes! Mostly yesterday, but it just piled up on me. Academics/soft-money work involves a lot of rejection, but for some reason a lot of it synced up this week, and a surprising amount of it was unnecessarily snotty. It kicked me into a whole impostor-syndrome “I am no good at this/I should never bother people with my bad work” spiral for a while. Things are better this morning.
I got my tattoo last week! I’m so, so happy with how it looks. Here’s what it looked like right after, and here’s what it looks like in context, rather than on a disembodied arm. It’s everything I wanted it to be and more! But now it’s in the itchy, peeling phase of the healing process. Gross.
Very cool! What type of plant is it?
It’s a lilac!
Ooh I have lilacs too! Tattoo buddies! (I don’t have a good photo of it by itself, though, so I can’t prove it)
I like it!
That is SUPER GORGEOUS! Congratulations!
Oh wow, that’s lovely!
That is seriously gorgeous!
It’s beautiful! Thank you for sharing the pic!
Beautiful!!! Glad you’re happy with it ๐
related: if anyone needs a tattoo artist in Brooklyn LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE GUY WHO DID MINE
I am VERY interested in this; my husband is looking to get a non-Ed-Hardy-style, non-watercolor tattoo of a flower and he’s having a heck of time finding a tattoo artist!
Dave Wallin at 8 of Swords did mine, and I would highly recommend him. If your husband can find some drawings that are similar in style/aesthetic, Dave can customize from there. The cool thing is that he draws ON the skin, instead of on paper, so you don’t have to guess about how lines & movements will look once they’re actually on your body.
Yay, thank you!!
It is lovely!
It’s lovely!
That looks spectacular! Also, fistbump of solidarity on the inner bicep tattoo, mine hurt like a motherfucker.
y’know, this one wasn’t as bad as the ones I have in more “sensitive” areas. I think it’s because the lines are very fine & thin and my wrist/thigh tattoos are very thick, dark lines. But it REALLY hurt the first few days of healing.
oh, wow, that’s gorgeous!
Let’s talk about space witches.
It has come to my attention that all I really want out of life is to be a space witch.
I could go for some of those meatballs too though.
Meatballs in space? Spaceballs? Nooo! You know The Toast’s anti-Spaceballs stance!
They would have to be pretty tightly packed to retain their ball form in space, so probably they would just be spacemeat. There is no official Toast stance on spacemeat as far as I know.
SPACEWITCH4LYFE
MY CAULDRON IS CARVED FROM A NEUTRON STAR
But can you cook meatballs in it?
Cosmic radiation cooks everything eventually.
I enjoyed the hell out of the Space Witchery on Toastie Twitter yesterday! Felt bad that I didn’t dress appropriately for the celebrations, but the weather was far too nice for it here. Instead I accidentally dressed like the sky. Are Sky Witches a thing?
The sky is almost Space, so why not?
The Sky Witch and the Space Witch are kindred souls.
The Sky Witch, the Space Witch, and the Sea Witch meet regularly to discuss witchcraft over tea.
AW YEAH
The Forest Witch shows up maybe 3 times a year; she is rather more reclusive than the rest.
Space witchery yesterday may have also been the last thing needed to banish winter from my soul; my mood today isgreat. People at work seem relieved that The Grump is gone and I am no longer hiding behind headphones and sweaters.
Wait it’s May 2nd? I just wrote a check dated May 1 oooooooooops
Quick, set everything on fire and make it look like an accident and flee the country before it’s too late!
I’m in May denial too–woke up this morning and realized I hadn’t put in my rent check yet. Whoops. (To be fair, it is my last rent check at this horrible mold-ridden apartment forever)
I had my first ever performance evaluation at work this week. It went better than expected, and my feeling like I was going to vomit for several hours beforehand proved unnecessary. Then today I wore a dress and have been told I look pretty not once by a coworker, but TWICE. Once “so pretty,” another time “very pretty.” Guys, the gist is that I am PRETTY and VALIDATED.
I had mine too, with many of the same feelings! High five!
My compensation review should be today and I had leaned in and requested an almost 8% raise, so let’s see what happens.
Oh, good luck! Nothing happening on the raise front for me, but that’s pretty much par for the course where I’m working.
Oh thank you so much! I am apprehensive, but I guess such is life?
About a month ago, I lost a (loved, sentimental, and just pretty) ring. Looked fucking everywhere, to no avail. To make things worse, I had lost a necklace (also loved, very sentimental, and was awesome) in February, so I was already feeling guilty about losing that.
Cut to Sunday morning taking the clothes out of the washing machine.
I FOUND MY RING! It was in my partner’s trackpants pocket. (No fucking idea why.)
IT CAME BACK AND I AM HAPPY!
Regale me with your tales of miraculously finding the thing you’d thought lost forever. Go!
I lost my HS class ring for MONTHS and was scared to mention it to my mom because it was So Expensive and whatnot. Then I dreamed I found it in my bathrobe pocket and when I woke up, sure enough, it was there!
YAY! Your dream self clearly knows what’s up.
Yeah… I didn’t mention it to ANYONE either. Because a Good Person wouldn’t lose two things so close together and I Shouldn’t Have Had such Nice Stuff and so on.
Did you put your hand in your partner’s pocket while the track pants were on? My husband lost his wedding ring once and that’s what had happened, he put his hand in his pocket and it had come off.
I once lost all of my important car info, which was in a kind of puffy folder thing that my Dad had given me in the glove compartment. It included everything from the insurance and registration to the actual car ownership papers. I tore the car apart looking for this thing and eventually even posted about it on the internet. Someone recommended reaching up and OVER the glove compartment while it was open, because a lot of them have a little space up above the glove compartment proper that’s accessible when it’s open. There it was!! I was shocked.
I did not know there was a secret compartment over the glove box. Must remember that.
Yes, probably? Or I left it on a bench and he picked it up? We seriously went through THE ENTIRE APARTMENT, but forgot his pants pocket. We are dumb/have learned for next time.
This happened to my friend! She lost 20 bucks while drunk and then dreamed the location, went back, and found it. Brains are so cool and soooo weird.
My engagement ring. It got swept off my dining room table and vanished. Like, I saw it go through the air, and I heard it clink on the ground, but then it was GONE. I found it months later, wedged in the baseboard heater foils.
I’m sensing a lost ring theme, here.
Maybe the moral of the story is not to wear rings?
Nah, just solder them on. If you can’t get them off without slicing your knuckle in half, they’ll be fine.
In high school I had a ring of my mother’s that I set on my bed while I was putting on lotion and then never saw again. Diamonds and emeralds, oh my. When we renovated the bedroom several months later, it was found in a hole in the wall where wiring had been ripped out. LIFE IS A MYSTERY.
I thought I’d lost hope for there being any truly decent and outrageously good-looking men on the planet. And then I found Tom Hiddleston.
When we lived in Minnesota, my husband lost a glove in a parking lot at the beginning of winter. Near the end of winter when the ice started melting we parked in the same parking lot, in the same space and there peeking out of the ice was his glove. We washed it and it was fine.
Hurray! Glove redemption!
Talk about synchronicity!
I had a ring that kept magically coming back to me for ten years every time I lost it, and so I gave it to my boyfriend when he was about to be in a truly scary situation where I thought he might actually die, operating on the theory he’d have to live to get my ring back to me.
He lived, but then the ring got lost somewhere else in California. Neither of us have any idea where. It is super sad. It shows up a year later when friends of ours come to visit us in New York at our apartment. The lady of the couple is wearing my ring. She has no idea where it came from (she wasn’t even at the party where it was most likely lost) and says, “This is so funny, I actually subbed a different ring for this one at the last minute.” I get my ring back. I am mildly furious at the friend whose girlfriend she is, because he has seen me wear that ring literally every day for 10 years, and did not recognize it. But whatever, it came home again.
THIS IS THE MAGIC RING
ALL HAIL THE MAGIC RING
IT CROSSED 3,000 MILES ON THE FINGER OF A STRANGE LASS TO COME HOME TO ME.
That is an AMAZING story.
That is the most amazing story I’ve heard in a long, long time.
I lost my driver’s license and old student ID out at a friend’s birthday party 2 weeks ago, and some anonymous stranger found them and mailed them to me this week! I love people!!!
People are great!
I’ve had my bike stolen and recovered it twice. Same bike.
Is it possible that your partner had stolen it to find out the size in order to get you another ring?
A nice thought, but no. I think I have ranted enough times about how I definitely never want an engagement ring for that to have sunk in. Plus, if he HAD done that, knowing how much I’d stress about it? DEAD, he would be DEAD AND BURIED somewhere.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be an engagement ring. It could be a “let’s keep being partners forever” ring. ๐ but I know what you mean. That was just my only contribution because anything I’ve ever lost has been lost FOREVER! I still miss an alligator ring that I got from a quarter machine in the mall, and a particular t-shirt. How do you lose a t-shirt?
How DO you lose a T-shirt?
Mr. Fluffernutter and I had JUST gotten engaged. In some grand (and completely unnecessary but very much appreciated) gesture, he spent all his money on a big, fancy diamond for me. We immediately left on a trip to Seattle. One day while out sightseeing, I stopped in to a Starbucks use the loo. Having never owned anything of comparable value, I was being real careful with the ring, taking it off to wash my hands and what not. We get back to the hotel hours later and I finally realize HOLY SHIT THE RING IS NOT ON MY FINGER WHERE THE HELL DID IT GO. I was convinced that Mr. Fluffernutter had it and was pulling a prank on me, but as I told him the ring was gone and the color visibly drained from his face, I knew that this was no prank…
… I deduced that I must have left it on the sink of the Starbucks’ bathroom and call the store in a panic. The guy who answers is like, “Dude. You will never believe it, but we totally have your ring. One of our regulars found it and handed it over and it’s in our safe.” The next day we go back to the store, I procure my ring, try and fail to write a note to the good samaritan that adequately expresses my overwhelming gratitude, and attach a gift card. I now leave my rings on when I wash my hands.
Oh my god, don’t break your story into two comments. You nearly gave me a heart attack!!!
Yes, I have had *ahem* SOME… ok MANY escapades involving the whereabouts of my rings after washing my hands/cooking/doing dishes.
To be fair, one of mine is a lapis lazuli, which absorbs EVERYTHING, so I really have to take them off, don’t I? *looks around pleadingly*
Ha! The comment was too long and I could figure out anything to take out, so I did it the lazy way.
Ooohhh lapis lazuli! Pretty! I feel like taking rings off to wash hands etc. is the RIGHT thing to do, it’s just too risky for a space case like me. I have actually asked people to stop buying me jewelry as gifts because I will inevitably misplace it and feel awful ๐
Thanks, I do rather like my bright blue monstrosity.
Once, I was at a friend of a friend’s, got home and realised my ring was gone. Two days later, I awkwardly went round to the friend of a friend’s, WENT THROUGH ALL HER RUBBISH and found it. I’m not that far away from being a space case myself.
OH! You guys keep reminding me of other lost rings. Like the time I was wearing my recently deceased dad’s wedding ring when I was working in food service at Disneyland (I KNOW, I KNOW, I WAS 17 AND AN IDIOT), and I realized at some point I was no longer wearing it, and then I combed through trash bags holding people’s thrown-out ice cream and somehow found it before it hit the trash compactor. Ugh, having a heart attack now.
(tragic postscript: loaned the ring to little sister for good luck on an audition, and she either lost it or sold it for drugs (all her other nice jewelry also mysteriously disappeared during that unfortunate time). ugh.)
That tragic postscript =(
It sounds like your sister is doing better now though, which is pretty awesome.
Same here. I lost a ring I spent a month making in jewelry class in the Charles de Gaulle airport bathroom, have a ring waiting for me at a friend’s office where I left it in the bathroom, and have repeatedly almost-lost my new favorite ring in the few months I’ve owned it. And before this new favorite ring, I rarely wore rings! I just leave it on when I wash my hands in public now because I know I can’t trust myself to remember to put it back on.
My dad lost a Rolex watch this way. He is at least as much of a space case as I am. He is so spacey that he forgot to even file a police report for the insurance. He was given another Rolex (both heirlooms) and it is kept in a safe deposit box.
I am always absentmindedly removing my watch and putting it back on. One time I failed to put it back on, and then couldn’t find it. I looked for days; it was absolutely nowhere. Then, four days later, I wondered what time it was and looked down at my wrist – my watch was there. I had unconsciously put it back on at some point.
I still have no idea where it was.
… something about parallel universes…
… something about glitches in the matrix…
Many many years ago, I got the Yoshi Game Boy game for Christmas. (The one where you like… match eggs and stuff? I don’t really remember.) That very night I was invited to go for a drive to look at Christmas lights with another family in the neighborhood. I brought my Game Boy and the game because kids from that family were also into games and we wanted to compare.
I dropped the game getting out of their car when I got home that night, right on the side of the road where my other neighbors parked their cars. I didn’t tell anyone, because I didn’t want to hold the people dropping me off up and I didn’t want to let my parents know that I lost a brand new video game.
Six months later, in summer, after months of snow and rain and road sand and getting run over by cars, I found it again on the side of the road.
And it still worked.
Amazing.
Because I went to Catholic school, despite not being Catholic I believe that you should say, “Hey, St. Anthony, come around, the [thing] is lost and can’t be found,” and repeat it two more times. One time I advised a friend to do the same, and she’s been sayiing, “Casey Anothony, come around…” ever since.
This is not my story, or a real story, but in the book Adverbs by Daniel Handler, there’s a great chapter/story about this very thing! The chapter is called “Truly.” (The book is awesome and I highly recommend it.)
I lost a hub cap at some point- just looked down and was like, “hmm, no hub cap.” Driving to work days later, I look to my right and think to myself “there’s a hub cap on the ground there. Wonder if it’s mine?” Sure enough, it was.
I still don’t know how I lost that one pair of shoes, though…
Today I met up with a friend on Metro. She was distressed because she could not find her SmarTrip card, despite having had it in her hand. I held every object in her bag as she dug through it, no card. We say “oh, well” and proceed to walk towards the exit, when I spy a SmarTrip on the ground. It was hers, lost maybe 10 feet from where I met up with her.
I think this is karma for the multiple times I have found and returned SmarTrips.
The Gent and I had this conversation two nights ago that somehow seemed to inadvertently lead to about a bajillion great band names and, henceforth, their “concepts.” I am sharing some of them with you because I also want to hear your band name collections, although we all must swear we will not steal these should we ever somehow become members of a band that needs a name. Here we go:
HELLBAG: Must always be all caps, is a loud speed-metal-noise outfit; the word also makes an excellent insult
Goat Pupil: Sludgy scuzzcore, logo is vaguely Satanic
Cat Mouth: Whispery witchpop with a surf overtone, merch is all pastel
Screw Top Wine: Straight-up dad rock
I LOVE Screw Top Wine! I imagine they play at local summer festivals
Bingo, right on the money
“Cat Mouth” made my insides feel like cotton batting. For what it’s worth. Caaaat mooooouuth (so good)
‘Fish, Blood and Bone’ – pirate, misandrist operatic metal. Sample lyrics: ‘yo ho, yoho, and the men that faced us died alone, and all we left behind was fish, blood and bone’
oh my god these are all perfect
I have a ridiculous job with a family-owned commercial real estate company. Here’s the latest, for your amusement.
One of my coworkers is annoyed because one of our tenants contacted him at home late at night. That’s just rude, says my coworker.
The tenant sent my coworker an *email* late at night. This coworker was checking his email *from home* late atnight. Coworker has only one email account, the one our employer gave him 10 years ago. It’s his first and only. He uses it to keep up with grandkids as well as with our employer’s tenants.
Yeah, so rude, emailing my coworker at home late at night.
::headdesk::
Late night emails: totally fair.
Plus, I feel like if you work for a rental company, part of the job description is that you gotta respond to tenants’ issues at all times, even late at night. At least he didn’t have to go fix and exploding toilet or crazy ceiling leak or something!
wut
That’s on par with being mad at someone for leaving a voicemail on your office phone after hours. Clearly that person thought you’d get it in the morning. It’s not their fault you use that phone number as your primary number.
The ::headdesk:: includes knowing no amount of explaining will ever get him to understand.
Years ago before the internet, my mom’s best friend would have trouble sleeping so she’d call all of her friends’ office numbers and leave rambly messages, sometimes 2 or 3 in a row, because she wanted to tell them something but didn’t want to bother them at night. I’ve always thought that was adorable. (Now you’d really have to be sure it was someone’s actual office phone though, and that it’s not forwarded to cell)
When I lived in Germany and came home super drunk, I would call people in the US and Canada. It worked out well for me. For them, well – it was hopefully vaguely amusing?
That baffles me too – why do some people get mad about people emailing them ‘late at night’? The WHOLE POINT of email is that you can read (and write) it whenever!
His first and only email account. Family-owned business. These details mean he has no experience outside this very small world and no clue that the rest of the world might be any different than his experience. Toasties: avoid family-owned businesses! They are all fucked up in so many ways!
Yup!
That said, I’ve dealt with people who worked for big, international companies who cop an attitude about the email thing, so IDK.
My doctor just told me that I’m gaining too much weight (I’m almost 29 weeks pregnant) and need to slow it down and I’m so sad about that. This has been the first time I can remember NOT feeling guilty/self-conscious about my weight! Oh well, it was nice while it lasted. I guess it’s pickles, no ice cream from here on out.
Aw, that’s a bummer. Can you at least get some fancy artisinal pickles to compensate?
I will admit: I am no help. I suggest fried pickles.
That definitely came to mind.
Ugh, I got told that, too. I was super pissed. In retrospect, she was right: I gained about 10 pounds more than recommended, and here I am four years later, 10 pounds heavier than I was before I was pregnant.
Congratulations on your upcoming baby! I’m sorry to hear that your doctor said that to you. Do you feel like you’re gaining too much, or do you think your doctor was overreacting? Is everything healthy otherwise (no gestational diabetes)? I’m 30-ish weeks myself with my first child, and it’s been such an emotional rollercoaster. I hope you and your little one have a great rest of the journey together!
I do get out of breath pretty easily these days. I use to be in good shape! I had the gestational diabetes test today, will get the results next week.
I should clarify that I love my doctor and she wasn’t being judgey about it or anything. I’m just sad because it was so great to think “I’m not fat, I’m pregnant!” all the time. I may have gone a little too far in the ice cream and french fries direction.
Pregnancy gives you shortness of breath too, though! But I’m not one to talk, I had a fat pregnancy and loved every minute of it. Well, that part of it, at least.
Hello, fellow pregnant person! I’m at 27 weeks, and dread the inevitable day the midwife is like, “Ok, party’s over, Snack Attack.” I think everybody gains differently, shows differently, etc.
I, too now get comically out of breath walking up hills. But some of that is because one’s lungs are getting rearranged from below.
FWIW, I feel like there’s no way to know what’s “real” weight gain and what’s random fluid accumulation. Not that that’s totally benign either, but given my pregnancy adventures over the last few weeks (now at 32+4), let me tell you that in my case, it seems that a lot of the weight I had gained (~30ish lbs) was in fact fluid (amniotic and otherwise). Also, as one of my best friends says “you’re just a passenger on this train now.”
So yes, follow doctors’ orders and don’t be negligent, but pregnancy is a bigger mystery than many people want to let on, and weight is just an easy metric to really fixate on, since the other, maybe more relevant stats require a little more expertise than stepping on a scale. . .
Hello to all the toast July/August 2014 moms and babies! I’m due July 10. I wish you all the best during this crazy time!
bummer. I think as long as you keep exercising during/throughout the pregnancy, though, you’ll be good. My very tiny friend gained fifty pounds, exactly the way you are not supposed to — it was astonishing, her skeleton actually changed shape a little, she had hips for the first time ever! etc. — eating roast beef sandwiches and giant slices of ricotta pastry. 6 months later she really has lost it all and is back to her teeny tiny size 0, but it was difficult to exercise post-birth (her muscles around the rib cage actually split in two to give room for the baby, and had to heal afterward) so it was really key to have put in that strong foundation of exercises during pregnancy. She is not a naturally/habitually athletic person, but she was doing prenatal water aerobics and yoga up until the day before delivery and it did wonders for how she felt in her body and her mood.
but, everybody’s body is different, one of those things that can’t be underlined enough. Good luck doing what feels right to you!
Ladies I had a great wk in that I discovered a new standard of friendship: a TRUE FRIEND is one who will view an apt for you, take pics and ask a building manager difficult Qs when you currently live across the country and are a long-range planner who refuses to wait until you arrive to find a place. What is the appropriate thank you for this? All of the wine?
A nice card and passing the Pinot ๐
Definitely all of the wine, and maybe some cheese and crackers to go with the wine? Fancy cheese.
I am currently into giving booze + things to eat with the booze. So: wine, and cheese and crackers and nice chocolate and some dates and fancy almonds and LOOK HOW MUCH EFFORT I PUT INTO THIS EXPRESSION OF MY LOVE FOR YOU
All the wine, or one of those thoughtful gifts of something that they would really like/use but would be unlikely to buy themselves, for whatever reason.
My go-to for this category of gift is a stick blender, for what it’s worth.
STICK-BLENDERS ARE THE BEST.
A joint spa pedicure session, followed by a shared bottle of wine, maybe with some dark chocolate. And possibly a movie with an attractive and mutually-appreciated lead.
Wine and/or a nice dinner out (gift certificate in this case, since geography rules out in-person dining).
I’m very interested in this answer as I’m acting as The Friend in this situation right now.
*takes notes*
When I did a “this is your future neighborhood” photo series for a friend he took me out for dinner and drinks. Asking a landlord hard questions definitely adds a bottle to take home.
We did this for my sister-in-law when she first moved here- I don’t know that we got any explicit reward, but she did the same thing for us when we moved away and them moved back, so I think we’re even on that front.
I love looking at real estate and asking pointed questions of leasing people, so if any Toasties are thinking about moving to Austin I will totally do this for you.
I got my mix CD! I got my mix CD! Thank you, Amanda! I love it!!!!
I made meatballs just last night!
I saw the post in time to make it to the first page of Open Thread!
Life is so good!
Me too, thank you so much Kathryn!!
FRIDAY CAT THREAD!
Post pictures/stories of your cats, past and present. Here are some good instructions for how to post pictures ,http://effortlessanthropologie.blogspot.co.uk/p/how-to-add-photos-to-your-intensedebate.html but if you can’t work it out a link is fine. Remember you need the direct image link!
Here are my babies as kittens. Awwww.
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And here is their cat city.
OK, this weeks question is what do you feed them, and where do you get it from?
Ours are fussy, so we feed them 70% named meat, no grain (wet twice a day, small bowl of kibble once a day). We tend to stick to Applaws, Natures Menu or Schesir, with James Wellbeloved for the kibble, and we get it all from zooplus. (if any uk cat people want a 10% off voucher for zooplus let me know – I can get new users one)
Got my hairs cut and took a selfie with my cat because I could:
Munchie has eschewed fancy food like Wellness in favor of the cheapest wet food that Whole Foods offers (in Ocean Fish flavor only) and dry Iams food that we get from Target.
Oh my god, they’re such adorable babies, I can’t even.
Here’s my first ever foster kitten:
And just last week, I waved goodbye to my 10th (all adopted, all pretty content, as far as I’m aware)!
You get a gold star for being an awesome person. Seriously.
Look at that snugglewumpus! I want to snorfle his little head!
KITTENS
Mine originally both had a raw diet, then Captain had a blocked bladder and had to change to a special diet that makes his wee a particular pH so it doesn’t crystallise in his bladder. Saffron stayed on the raw for a while but then last year had some tooth problems and has had to go onto a mostly dry diet to keep her teeth clean, so she has applaws meat for her bit of wet food, and pets at home dry stuff that is the highest meat content I can find. And cake. Captain has royal canin urinary diet. He doesn’t like cake.
Aaaaaalright – this didn’t work last week for unknown reasons (brain is broken, I guess), but I wanted to show you all my childhood cat, Clover. She/he was so cool. Note the sweet, blurry picture of childhood me in the background, with early 90’s curled bangs.
I do like a flat cat with horizontal ears!
Mine are on grain free, dry in the morning and wet in the evening. I very briefly did it the other way around, but my hungry cat is far more excited by wet food and sleeping in got more difficult.
My lithe athletic cat is a picky jerk and tends to only eat half his wet food, but complains bitterly when I don’t give him any. He eats half regardless of how much he gets, so his portions are much smaller than chubby cat. Extra dry food to compensate.
I also feed athletic cat on top of the fridge. Because he is a grazer and otherwise fat cat would eat all his food.
What do you guys like as a place to upload pics for sharing purposes? I pretty much only facebook and twitter my pics these days but I want to show you all my cats because they are the best. Flickr is the worst because I am incapable to not screwing up my yahoo account info.
photobucket, though it’s not the most usuable one out there.
I use flickr and just never log out because I also can never remember my yahoo info.
Here’s Kismet
Her fat is created by dry food (just switched her to Royal Canin–Indoor Adult 27 I think) and Greenies treats (she will only eat chicken flavored things but she recently approved of the catnip/chicken one)
look at that foofy baby
She knows she’s queen of the world!
Cat question: my cat (6 years old, adopted by me in January) is Not Interested in treats or catnip! Is that too weird? I keep buying different kinds of treats and she just sniffs them and turns her head away, same with (dried) catnip. I want to be able to bribe/reward her for doing things she doesn’t want to do, but she is just not into it. Is she just a straightedge kitty?
I think not caring about catnip is fairly common–one of mine doesn’t care either, and I read that it’s a good percentage.
Plenty of cats don’t like catnip. Try valerian? Sometimes cats that don’t like catnip like valerian.
What does she eat? If she eats dry food, you could use that? Mine are both super-fussy about treats, they like freeze-dried chicken or fish, or the ‘jerky’ type of treats, and not all of them.
I’ll see if she responds to me giving her individual pieces of dry food… or if she’s like “bitch please, I have a whole bowl of those right over there” (she *is* kind of a princess)
you could try cutting tiny pieces off cooked chicken or steak or tuna or salmon. at least you’ll know if it’s a matter of saving some little bites of homemade food for her instead of typical treats.
also, i know some cats can’t deal with dairy, but mine loves cheese with no problems. just a few tiny bites at a time. i’m not saying do this, but i spoil mine now that she’s old, and she loves it.
I love everyone’s cats. Lovelovelove.
KITTENS!
We have a lot of crazy feeding stuff going on in this house, but the basic gist is that they are both on a wet/dry combo. The dry is good quality dry food with low carbs and good ingredients. Mama Chell is on as much as she wants, and it’s kitten food, and Nico is a little fat so he’s on controlled amounts of adult food. Then they each get half a can of wet food twice a day, a mix of the fancy stuff (Wellness) and the cheap stuff (Friskies and such) because why not. Kittens are nursing but we have an adorable food waiting for them called Babycat, which is teeny tiny kibbles.
If anyone wants a KITTEN VIDEO, you can go here: http://instagram.com/p/ncJx80vQcA/
This week we’ve got open eyes, though they still can’t really walk or play.
SO CUTE.
We do grain free dry, either blue buffalo or merrick. We think they might be a little carb starved though, based on their obsession with doughnuts, taco shells, noodles and buttermilk biscuits.
Since the last couple of times, mine have been group photos, here are some individual pictures:
I’m not sure if you can spot him due to his excellent camouflage, but here’s Oskar:
Here’s Vegas being a little more photogenic than usual:
And here’s Luna, who is absolutely the most photogenic of the three:
I absolutely cannot see Oskar at all. He hides as well as Saffron does. There is no cat here.
i used to do raw food as well, and only stopped since my cats are so elderly that i didn’t want to incur tooth problems at an age where their kidneys can no longer safely withstand anesthetic for dental issues. but, if you’re up for grinding meat, bone & supplements, mine were never happier or healthier or more satisfied. they always seem to be hungry, even on the best wet food.
however, my best advice is just read the labels, research the parent company for recalls, and if you’re finding good quality protein & grain free, you’re doing it right.
also, you guys, my cat motor is 19 this week. i’m so proud of her for being my buddy for this long!
Oh wow! Happy birthday and many more, Motor! What a beautiful kitty you are.
She is lovely! Is she deaf, or is that just when they hae both blue eyes? Or indeed a total myth?
she is deaf now, but wasn’t when she was young. i think she lost her hearing sometime around 5, and i still think she hears some frequencies, but it’s hard to tell.
white cats with both blue eyes have a much higher chance of being deaf, last i read, white cats with one blue eye have about a 40% chance. so, i think it’s true.
Way to go motor!!
TOASTIES! This is my first Cocktail Hour in WEEKS and I am so excited. It’s a gorgeous sunny Friday and I am going to a fancy wool festival and having a birthday dinner with my family this weekend! And I just bought Mary Roach’s “Gulp” as one of my birthday presents to myself and I am so excited to read it.
Question for you all! What do people recommend as good books on feminism? I know I want to read Bell Hooks, but I’m not sure where to start. I’d also love recommendations on feminism and body image, and feminism and chronic illness.
Caveat: I am an Old. Have done some reading on feminism. Still haven’t read anything that knocked me over the way Simone de Beauvoir’s The Second Sex did. Maybe because I was so young when I read it.
Also apparently the new translation of The Second Sex is phenomenal. I’ve been meaning to pick it up.
Check out Leslie Jamison’s THE EMPATHY EXAMS (just out) and Roxane Gay’s BAD FEMINIST (later this year).
I have a reader from a class I’m currently taking that has a bunch of excerpts and articles on various topics (e.g. body image, motherhood, relationships, gender). I can share it with you!
ETA: here’s the body image reader, can’t really find the others I have right now, though
http://www32.zippyshare.com/v/10493546/file.html
Is the fancy wool festival perhaps Maryland Sheep and Wool? Because that is a great birthday present indeed.
It IS. This will be my first time- I’m very excited! A friend told me to check out the All About Yarn tent for $2 yarn.Yes please.
So jealous! I’m not going to make it this year. Have fun!
The Cancer Journals by Audre Lorde? I haven’t read the whole thing but I also haven’t read anything by her that wasn’t good.
I read The Cancer Journals not long after my hysterectomy, and thought it was very good. But I also felt that Lorde treated women who wear prostheses after mastectomies as cowards, which didn’t sit well with me.
I recommend Whipping Girl to anyone who is into feminism and queerness and gender. Not huge on feminist theory, but fascinating and wonderful.
Julia Serano is amazing.
Feminism Is For Everybody is a great starting point for bell hooks. Audre Lorde’s essay collection Sister Outsider is fantastic. On the off chance that you are a metro detroit area toastie, I can lend you my copies of both!
“Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America” by Melissa Harris-Perry is really excellent.
For feminism and body image (read: fat acceptance), I’d recommend Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby’s Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere.
WHO WANTS TO START A LOS ANGELES TOAST MEET UP?
I’m tired of watching the NYC toasties have all the fun.
Love this idea.
I will drive from Santa Barbara for it!
Count me in!
Grool! I’ve never planned a meet up with internet strangers. How do we do this? Just find a location/time? I’m thinking next Friday at The Last Bookstore, but I’m open to suggestions.
Friday the 9th?? Last Bookstore sounds great to me! I’ve never been but have always wanted to go. Do they have good spaces for people to hang out?
that sounds so fun! i can’t go that day, but great location, i’ll just join in next time.
This sounds great! I’m flexible and can work with any day/time, really, but others might have more constraints.
I know there can be a lot of options — facebook groups, google groups, etc. and I would say that doodle is great for finding out availability — BUT it really seems like it takes someone to just take the lead and get started and then all of the details can get worked out from there.
Reminding folks of the event in comments, twitter, etc. seems to also help!
YESSSSSS. Me.
SO DOWN
i love this idea, and happy to help organize. i’m newer to this site, are they usually fridays?
i’ve set up lots of other meetups on the east-ish side and found that tuesdays are great for happy hour deals and lots of space, since it’s a slower day. but i’m up for anything.
while most social media sites have event functionality, i will also suggest eventbrite because it’s available to everyone who’s not on any one particular site, and free for people hosting free events.
I’d be into it…perhaps an appearance from the LA side of the Toast staff could happen?
We have LA Toast staff?
Yes, yes, yes. I vote east side/downtown, because I am lazy.
Game of Thrones talk!! Don’t worry, show watchers, we book readers don’t have a clue what’s going on anymore either.
Also, is anyone betting on/watching the Kentucky Derby this weekend? I was going to bet on Hoppertunity, but he got scratched yesterday (womp womp), so it’s Samraat for me.
This week was…like what?!? I watch through *cough* questionable, Portuguese-subtitled methods, so I don’t watch it till Monday and by Tuesday morning everyone seems bored of discussing!
I will talk about GoT anytime, all the time.
This ‘diverging from the books’ thing has made me realise that I kinda like knowing the bones of what’s going to happen.
I’m hoping the invented Bran storyline is going to be used as a way to introduce Cold hands. (Please please please please!!)
COLD HAAAAAAAAAANNNDDDDDSSS!
*book reader spoilers* – I think Cold Hands is Benjen Stark? Am I the only one that thinks this? Is this painfully obvious????
It’s a pretty popular fan theory, though not one I subscribe to. It’s also been used as a possible reason why they haven’t had any casting announcements for CH. (Because he’s already BEEN casted, as opposed to not being casted at all, which I fear may actually be the case.)
I am also skeptical about CH being Benjen, but I feel like Benjen has to be somehow related to the rest of the plot, right? It seems like he’s a hanging thread at the moment.
Maybe? But I don’t think everything has to be tied up neatly in this story. I think it works fine if he was just another casulty of the Others.
But I must admit that a “hanging thread” drives my favorite pet theory, which is that Ashara Dayne is Septa Lemore.
Consider, though, that the Children of the Forest said Cold Hands died long ago. “Long ago” relative to the CotF perspective is going to be a very long time indeed. So:
-a legitimately ancient, powerful undead being
-who wears the colors of the Watch and knows the oldest secrets of the Wall
At least one character mentioned in the back story comes to mind…
Not if the naming of the White Walker at the end of the last episode was correct…
It MUST be, right? I don’t see another direction…
I don’t either. I am confused about how Jon knowing Bran is alive is going to pan out, though…so many of his decisions are based on the fact that he thinks they’re dead (and Winterfell is for Sansa…)
I DO like Locke being at the Wall, though. It’s adding an interesting dynamic I didn’t expect.
I’m liking Locke at the Wall too. That’s a good diversion.ย
I haven’t figured out the Jon/Bran thing either. In my heart I WANT Winterfell (and everything) to be for Sansa!
SPOLERS for ADWD Jon being tempted to take the deal to become heir to Winterfell certainly will read a lot different if he knows Bran is still alive and he’d be taking it from him. I don’t think that’d necessarily be a bad change, but it’ll be interesting.
I also have…time lapsed watching methods so I don’t see it until Monday.
UGH I want to hate the show much since it became Game of Rape every wk but I feel so invested since I read THE BOOKSโฆ. srly though, nightmares about Craster’s Keep and YOU ARE A LAZY SCEENWRITER if the only way you can communicate “they bad” is depicting gang rapes during a monologue where the actor is DRINKING FROM A SKULL (that looked plastic from Party City, why aren’t you even trying)
Oh boy, yeah, I totally agree with you. Like, these people just murdered everyone, can we just leave it at that? You can depict despicable behavior in other ways.
And yet Bran was the dick who was like, let’s go rescue a puppy from those monsters! I can’t actually do it myself and I don’t have ladyparts so I’ll probably be just fine over here…
Agreed. Was so disappointed that we graduated from “rape as plot point” to “rape as set prop.” Not to mention that it was wholly unnecessary. If you’re going to make something up, make it up better. They’ve got a serious opportunity to redeem their methods next season I think as we begin book four. I don’t think it’s a spoiler (but feel free to discontinue reading if you’re a purist) to say that the fourth book is very heavily centered around female character POV chapters.
If we don’t start seeing better writing for the ladies, then I might have to make my peace with the show and split.
Oh and SER POUNCE!
Alternatively, yay Missandei & Grey Worm! SHIPPED. He may be unsullied, but there are still things he canโฆ accomplish.
I think they are brother and sister… not that you can’t easily ship that kind of thing in this universe, but if I recall correctly Missandei tells Dany in the books that they took her baby bro to be Unsullied when she was little and then later says Grey Worm is her brother :_(
I don’t know from horse racing, but you gotta love that Rosie Napravnik on Vicar’s In Trouble is the first woman favored to win.
Rosie is amazing. I’m not much for racing in spite of being from horse country but I’ll probably watch for her this weekend.
TEAM ROSIE FOR LIFE
on thank god it’s not just me. I thought maybe my memory of the book was way worse than I thought
Holy shit you guys I’m trying to start a business and it is exciting and overwhelming and a lot more interesting than software development (which is what I should be concentrating on right now). Has anybody else started their own business? With branding and registering with the state and so on? What have people’s experiences been? I would love to read about them.
Oh, and of course when I’m wildly successful, I shall be sponsoring a Toast article ๐
I have absolutely nothing helpful to say except THAT’S AWESOME GO YOU! And I’ve been listening to a very good podcast about women and work (including a number of entrepreneurial type topics) — The Broad Experience. Might be worth taking a listen to. There’s nothing shocking in it, but it definitely pumps me up to be more assertive in my career.
I’ve owned my own business for eight years, and it is great and you should do it. Registering with the state is super-easy in CO, where I am. You register online on the CO gov’t website (google it for your state, it should be very easy to find), and they give you your employer ID number, and then you use that to get things like your business bank account and file taxes and set up payroll (if you are setting up payroll, which you do not have to do, but it does make taxes easier).
Ask me questions! What do you need to know?
i’ve owned a sole-proprietor design studio for years, made it my main gig 6 years ago. i’m in Los Angeles and i would say everything in terms of setup is relatively easy for a service-based business, but what kind of business are you starting?
if you plan to stay solo for awhile, i’d say start researching good tax advice for people in the same industry, so you know what all your deductions will be and you can prepare to maximize them from the start. other than that, get a great attitude about bookkeeping and ask around about a tax person to help with your more complicated taxes. i did mine when my business was a side thing, but now that it’s my only income, i have a CPA do it so they can assist with an audit.
other than that, getting set up is a bunch of waiting in lines at crazy local government offices. if you don’t use your personal name, you’ll be setting up a DBA [doing business as, fictitious business name statement] and will have to publish in the paper. for whatever reason, there are all these scam publishers who will try to flag you down and sell you the publishing requirements for way over their true cost. fight your way through these people and do it in the office where you submit your form. there are other lines too, like business license, and resellers license if you plan to sell tangible property subject to sales tax. it’s kind of like going to the DMV 5 times.
and then … you’re off! i do branding, so ask any questions about that if you like. i usually suggest people get started with simple materials and wait till their business is viable to spend on full design. at the beginning, it’s all about quality, service, philosophy and approach.
good luck!!
Additionally, the weather status on Wed in LA was “90 degrees: DUST”. Seriously. Instead of “sunny” or “windy” or “rain”. DUST. Because it is the apocalypse, apparently.
We had cold blowing dust this week in NM. >:(
I’m so glad that this week is over because the weekend is looking up. I’m heading to my heart-home, Edmonton, for the weekend, where my girlfriends are planning to take me out for my birthday/a bit of a hen night/generalised debauchery. My team’s up 1-0 in the series. I need to break in my wedding shoes, but I have a tax return on its way.
Anyone else got good plans for the weekend?
I miss Edmonton terribly. Please say hello for me to the high level bridge and the river valley when you’re there.
I promise to wave fondly!
Huzzah for generalised debauchery!
My weekend is looking to be more quietly pleasant than debauched. There will be gym-going, pedicure-getting, and present-buying for my godson/nephew’s 1st communion.*
*Which, anyone have any ideas on a good 1st communion gift for a little dude? Because I’m only a pretend Catholic these days, so I’m way out of the loop on what you’re supposed to give, aside from money.
If you’re not really Catholic, you can probably just give a normal gift? Legos? Books? For my First Communion I got a rosary, a children’s Bible, and a little bracelet.
Well, I am the kid’s godmother (in my family it’s essentially, “once a Catholic always a Catholic” but I don’t go to church or anything) so I figure I should get something churchy. Also going to get him some comic books, though, since he loves them and can’t get them easily where they live. A nice rosary is a good idea.
Edmonton! We went walking in the ravine last night for the first time this spring and I remembered why I continue to live here.
Every so often I say to myself “oh, it’s okay, you wouldn’t want to move back there, lots of your friends are moving on too…”
and then my heart explodes as soon as I cross the city limits.
The winters can emphatically bite me, though.
We just visited a bunch of folk in Toronto who’ve moved out there in the past year or so, and it was nice, but after a few days I couldn’t figure out why anyone would actually want to live there full time. I <3 Edmonton.
I’m going to a wicker man burning tomorrow, which will be interesting!
Tomorrow is Drunk Poetry Society, where us lady-folk get together to recite our favorite poems and drink and eat foods to go with the poetic theme. It is the best thing even though at least a few of us always end up crying because of all the feels. And then we cap off the evening by watching youtube clips of Tom Hiddleston reading poetry. It is perfection.
This sounds like literally everything I’ve ever wanted in my life.
where do you live and are you recruiting new members
??
yeah, I’m willing to relocate.
Maybe we can start a West Coast chapter of Drunk Poetry Society.
You should! It is fun to come up with the themes. We’ve done Halloween (in which I actually recited Mallory’s Texts from a Jack-o-Lantern and people cried, and then we went to the nearby cemetery at sunset and sang songs a capella like witches), we’ve done love and hate (lots of crying, there), we’ve done readings of the TERRIBLE poems from high school exes (super fun and only slightly guilt-inducing), and tomorrow we’re reading originals.
I am 100000% down!
That…sounds nothing short of magical.
OH TOM.
If I hadn’t already passed into puberty, I’m sure listening to him read “May I Feel Said He” would’ve done the trick.
WOW.
WOW.
I don’t even have to load it up anymore. I CAN HEAR IT IN MY HEAD. Hngngnnggn.
So we went to see the Kids in the Hall live show and it was fantastic. Laughed until I cried, literally. Plus you could tell they were having so much fun, cracking each other up. There was new stuff and some new skits with classic characters, like Chicken Lady and Buddy. So glad I got to go.
Also this week we grilled some whole fish and I made my mom laugh by making the fish heads talk and sing “Fish Heads”. My daughter was horrified. So a win-win situation.
Seeing Chicken Lady live has endured as a minor highlight of my life.
I am deeply envious and so glad it wasn’t disappointing!
Oh, I’m so jealous re: KiTH! They’re coming to my area in June, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. I’ve seen all their previous live shows, and it’s such a joy for me. I’m glad to hear they were great this time, too!
It’s making me sad that Mallory is tweeting about how she doesn’t like Cards Against Humanity. Maybe she just hasn’t had the ineffable joy of playing it with her parents while drunk.
I love the idea of Cards Against Humanity and I am happy it exists, but every time I play it I always get THE WORST cards and ZERO good combos. Everyone I know is mystified as to how I have such poor luck with it. I am the #1 horrible and crude asshole in my group of friends AND YET. So…yeah. I love the idea of the game but have come to hate playing it.
There’s a rule that you can turn in a black card for a new hand. Or maybe you could implement some other rule to let you get new cards? It’s not exactly a hyper-competitive game, and should be played to be as fun as possible.
I tried that once and got cards that were even worse. I made a comment about “should have just played the cards life dealt me” and asked if it was allowable to fold.
I can understand hating Cards Against Humanity (and Apples to Apples) if you’re playing with people who take it seriously. I mean, what kind of monster says “oh this one makes the most sense, I pick this boring mundane answer”?
Does that sort of person actually play Cards Against Humanity? If so, how do they still have friends?
They dooooo. There is a certain actress I know who has gone on to do Things in Hollywood and may have been on an episode of a certain show about ad executives in the 1960s…Anyway, I went to college with her, and she played Apples to Apples like that. She said she didn’t want to pick anything mean or offensive, so she went for cutesy answers. I have the distinct claim to fame of offending her so badly in a game that she got up, left the room, and as far as I know has never played the game again. Taking a bow for being a giant ass, that’s me.
Also, what a fucking annoying person. I don’t even want to know for sure who it is because I really really REALLY don’t want it to be Alison Brie.
Hahaha, I can assure it was NOT Alison Brie, though I have to thank you for giving me a new fantasy that I went to college with her.
Thank you for confirming that. I’ll sleep easier tonight. And perhaps dream of partying with Alison Brie. Because DUDE.
My vote is for Elizabeth Moss. She seems very serious.
I am friends with a guy kind of like that. He’s a very literal guy, so while he still picks a funny card, it has to be one that makes sense. It adds an element of strategy, though, because then you have to tailor each card to each person’s sense of humour. Like, I have one friend that grew up in a 15-person town, so she has 0 knowledge of pop culture so pop culture-related cards won’t work for her, but another friend LOVES any political/religious mockery so I save those cards for her…
One of my friends is amazing at that! Granted, I’ve mostly played it where he is the common friend between all players, so he knows everyone best, but he always wins because he knows exactly what each person will find funny.
(Ex: I had a question like “As President, I will create a department of —.” He chose “bitchslap.”)
Some of the people I know play that way, but I don’t mind because that’s the fun! You are pandering to the judge, so if they are a no-nonsense person you just play that way for that round and move on.
Cards Against Humanity is one of the few tabletop/card games I’m good at it! Which probably means I’m a horrible person, but at least I’m a funny horrible person.
Toasties talking about Cards Against Humanity! As a feminist-leaning group, I want to know how the rest of y’all feel about the game. Are there cards you find that you need to take out? I can never tell if I’m being overly sensitive or not thoughtful enough, and I would really love some outside opinions.
I was sort of watching for that too – I’m sort of a party pooper with Cards Against Humanity – I’m just not into rape jokes. Sorry not sorry.
We pulled the fatphobic, transphobic, and rape cards because otherwise every third round was a discussion of how some things aren’t OK.
And then we stopped playing.
The queer group on my campus and also the loosely affiliated sex posi/sex ed group LOVE this game, and don’t seem to have a problem with really gross rape jokes/racist stuff in this game because it’s that “well EVERYONE KNOWS we don’t ACTUALLY think this” attitude. It’s really a huge bummer to be around and why I avoid the meetings that should be really fun because they are eat pizza and play games.
I used to LOVE it, but it got boring fast because the whole point is this shock value, and after a few rounds you know all the shocking cards!
Agreed! You’ve seen one grandma in a blender, you’ve seen ’em all.
Right? I tend to just turn it into a haiku round (pick three cards, arrange them into a haiku) every time it comes to me, because it freshens stuff up.
Playing it with in-laws, including grandparents, while drunk. Terrifying nightmare inducing.
…I really want to play the online version with you guys now.
IT’S A SHITTY GAME FOR SHITTY PEOPLE AND IF YOU HAVE EVER PLAYED IT AND ENJOYED YOURSELF EVEN ONCE WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS
Playing hooky-ish and working from home today since it’s finally sunny out! And I also might prove (again) that I can read any HP book in one day.
In other news, my bf decided that since he couldn’t find any AAA batteries, taking the two out of my vibe was a good idea. Not *actually* a good idea there, buddy.
my bf decided that since he couldn’t find any AAA batteries, taking the two out of my vibe was a good idea
murder
Going to PITTSBURGH Sunday through Tuesday. Any tips?
We’re already committed to a baseball game, the aviary, Mattress Factory, and a cable car ride up Mount Washington. Miiiight spring for Penguins playoff tickets.
Traveling with a vegetarian and I can’t have dairy so many regional delicacies are out. ๐
There’s this awesome museum called the Mattrโnope, you’ve got that covered. Sounds like you’ve about covered the bases.
Pittsburgh! You can get perogies without dairy(I think)! I would also recommend the Carnegie Museums and Phipps Conservatory if you think you would enjoy a conservatory! What are you interested in? I can give you tons of recommendations!
We are both pretty into craft beer and bourbon (are we leggy? have we lived internationally? I’ll never tell [no]). We both enjoy some modern art*, science stuff, literature and cool architecture. I like spending time outdoors (based on where we’re staying I’m hoping to get in a run through Allegheny Cemetery) and vintage shopping. She likes clothes too but less patience for vintage. And we like sports, obviously. (If we don’t go to the Pens game we’d like to watch it at a good sports bar.)
*we’re skipping the Warhol museum because we’ve already seen a couple of big/excellent Warhol exhibits, and the two baseball games leave us a bit pressed for time.
Beer! I would recommend Church Brew Works then as a place to get some good beer. If you are interested in cool architecture then I would absolutely recommend the Nationality Rooms at the Cathedral of Learning. You can only book tours for large numbers of people, but on the weekend you can walk around all of them. The ones on the third floor have a switch which will turn on narration.
Fallingwater is close to Pittsburgh and is close to Ohiopyle which has lots of outdoorsy things.
Let me know if you want other thing!
Two good sports and craft beer bars: Piper’s Pub and Sharp Edge. Try something from East End Brewery for local beer. Piper’s has several vegan options. Tavern 1492 used to be good for bourbon but it’s not my favorite anymore… Harvard and Highland, above Union Pig and Chicken, has a decent selection and barbecued tofu sandwiches! Allegheny Cemetery is definitely worth a visit. Lawrenceville is good for vintage shopping. For outdoors stuff that you can do in the city, you can rent kayaks and go on the river, and if you can get bikes, there are nice riverfront trails. I like to ride up to Redfin Blues and have lunch on their patio ๐
A trip to the Carnegie Science Center, maybe? It’s got cool science-y exhibits, a planetarium, and an Omnimax theater if that kind of thing interests you.
I will totally send that to my co-traveller, it might be her jam.
Pittsburgher here–it sounds like you are coming into town for this very purpose, but I just wanted to make sure you knew–the marathon is Sunday and promises to tie up traffic for all of Sunday morning. If you aren’t running or watching, don’t plan on doing anything downtown until Sunday afternoon. Literally everyone and their mom will be trying to navigate the closed roads and find parking. (Almost correct use of “literally”–my mom, uncle, and two cousins are running the half, my husband is running the full. I will be trying to find parking.)
Thanks. Our Airbnb host let us know this morning (we basically can’t access the place we’re staying until later in the day as a result). We are definitely NOT there for the marathon and are just trying to get to the baseball game on time. :/
Yeah, between baseball, hockey, and the marathon give yourself PLENTY of time to get anywhere.
If you’re going to a Pirates game, this place http://jamesstreetgastropub.com/ is on the North Side (a medium-distance walk from the ballpark) and sounds like it might be up your alley.
Pretty much every bar will have the Pens game on, but I don’t know what’s a “good” (not too dude-bro-y) place to watch it. They do show playoff games on a big screen outside across the street from the arena, which is free!
Seconding the rec for Lawrenceville for cool bars and vintage and non-vintage shops.
[Also, hi other Pittsburgh Toasties!!]
Sounds like you’re staying in Lawrenceville or close to it – go to Arsenal Cider on Sunday! If you buy a growler you can hang out and drink it there, otherwise you can try some samples and get it on draft somewhere else. For bourbon, I like 1947 Tavern in Shadyside, and Butcher & The Rye is supposed to be good too but I have an irrational bias against it because its location is so hipstery. Phipps is totally worth it if you like plants (I do).
We are close to Lawrenceville, and I love plants!
Toasties! So a while ago, I asked if I should read the rest of the Anne series and the response was, approximately, “of course what are you waiting for” and “come back when you’re done so we can talk about it” so LET’S TALK ABOUT ANNE OF THE ISLAND. Davy is still the worst child in the entire world but he is the first to go in my fanfiction which also features Anne/Diana/Phil as a poly triad. Anne, for an obstensibly straight girl you did a lot of dreading Gil’s presence and telling Phil she was pretty all the time.
The whole Anne series is one of my favourites. In Anne of the Island I wish there’d been more about her actual classes and that – kind of like in Emily Climbs, if you’ve read that one?
Davy can go anytime.
I haven’t, actually! But I am planning on getting around to it, though it might be a while before I do because I want to read the other Anne books first (also I have a million other books on my to-read list)
Skip book 4 (Anne of Windy Poplars) because it was written last anyway and doesn’t matter much to the overall arc of Anne’s life and INSTEAD read Emily of New Moon.
I can’t wait until you hit Rilla of Ingleside. So good.
I will push the Emily books higher up on the list!
In the last Anne subthread, someone said something like “Anne of Windy Poplars and Rainbow Valley never happened. They are fanfic I accidentally read once” and I’m STILL laughing at what a great burn that was.
Windy Poplars adds little, unless you are a completest type it is not worth it.
I’ll stick up for Rainbow Valley a little though – it allows you to actually get to know and invest in the Blythe children so when they’re off at war, effectively off-screen, in the next book you actually care about them. Just think of it all as exposition for the second best book in the series (after Anne of the Island): Rilla of Ingleside.
Everyone seems to love Rilla of Ingleside! I’m looking forward to it. Though I have to say, (even though I’ve only read the first three so far) I liked Avonlea quite a bit and Island even more, but Green Gables is still far and away my favorite and at the moment I can’t imagine that changing.
I LIKE WINDY POPLARS. PRINGLES AND KATHERINE BROOKE AND NOT PARTICULARLY NECESSARY EPISTOLARY FORMAT.
I salute your commitment!
I’m with you, Janie_S! It’s definitely a book for hardcore Anne fans, but I find Katherine (with a K) Brooke fascinating after three books of comparing Anne and Marilla as models of unusual girlhood and unusual womanhood.
Sorry to give you another to add to your list but don’t forget Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster. I re-read it one cosy evening and was glowing for days.
Yes yes, I wanted to hear all about what it was like to be a college student back then! Does Emily Climbs have that? I have never read the Emily books because I think they will make me incandescent with rage but maybe I should just do it anyway.
Why rage-incandescence??ย
For Emily, it’s high school – but it’s still going away from home and boarding and that. There’s not AS MUCH as I’d like (I too would like to hear all about it) but I liked what was there a lot.
Well I have not read the books so I may have been horribly mistaken for years and years but I remember being told back during high school that (spoiler ahead unless I am wrong in which case not!) her one true love tells her she cannot write and then she burns her novel or something like that because of course he is male and thus correct in all things.
She does do this, and IT IS TERRIBLE but it is also acknowledged to be terrible and this is how we find out that he is not, in fact, her one true love, he is a jealous evil bastard and she is right to not love him.
Oh! I just read that! All the descriptions of their life in Patty’s Place were so great. There was a lot of dreading Gil’s presence, but I could somewhat buy that as a response to weird feelings that weren’t what she expected love to feel like. Especially when admitting feelings for someone leads directly to marriage. Though the parts with all the women figuring out if they could get along as roommates, setting up their house, and focusing on their various studies were so much better.
It’s *possible* that I’m deliberately misreading the text for the sake of femslash. I did laugh at how many marriage proposals she managed to shut down, though. Anne Shirley is a straight up HEARTBREAKER.
Our girl Anne never does grow out of her propensity for romantic friendships with other girls. She and Katherine Brooke have the slap-slap-kiss thing down cold in ‘WIndy Poplars’.
And Leslie in Anne’s House of Dreams?!?! Much subtext. Barely even subtext. Might as well be text. (Trying to avoid spoiling 900ccs!)
1) I hope this is actual fanfiction because I want to read it.
2) I loved Anne of the Island – the whole Patty’s Place setup was just lovely.
I want to be a nice Presbyterian girl with an Aunt Jims and a Patty’s Place and a Rusty when I read Island. But alas.
I think Dora is so much worse than Davy though! I want to push her into a mud pie myself!
I LOVE Anne of the Island and Patty’s Place and the whole thing. My time in college totally failed to live up to it, sadly. But since reading the book as a child I have been subconsciously obsessed with Gog and Magog, the fireplace dogs. When I moved into my own place this year, a pair of dogs was one of the first things I bought, and they are named Gog and Magog, and since I don’t have a fireplace they sit on the bookshelves on either side of my television and keep watch.
Please pretty please put The Blue Castle on your to-read list! It’s my favorite standalone LMM, just the best.
WHERE DID YOU BUY THESE DOGS PLEASE SHARE!
Oh, I hope I didn’t accidentally oversell them. I got them at TJ Maxx, and they are crappy ceramic or something, but they are a nice blue-green and I still love them. (Also, just realized I didn’t move this year! Holy cow, I’ve been in this house for a year and a half. Hey, time, where are you going so fast?)
It’s going on the list! It might be a few months before I get around to it, but I will read it, THIS I SWEAR.
Blue Castle is the best Montgomery book. Even as much as I love Anne and Pat of Silver Bush and all the others. It’s Blue Castle all the way.
Blue Castle needs to be every one’s first LMM read. Valancy is such a wonderful protagonist
Oh, my goodness, I know that Patty’s Place was LMM’s wish-fulfillment them, but the four girls living there are amazing (Anne/Phil/Priscilla poly triad?). Anne’s House of Dreams is very sweet (nothing to Rilla though)
Anyone want to talk about the Blue Castle? And all it’s awesomeness?
I want to talk about Anne only always. Anne of the island is best. Roy is a douche. Gilbert is too perfect, but I still can’t believe the queer readings of Anne and Diana. now the patty’s place triad seems so. much. more. plausible. actually, so does Katherine Brooke. I heartily endorse Book 4. HEARTILY.
Heeeeeyyyyy Toasties! There are a ton of us hanging out on Twitter and we’re all loads of fun and make up great theme days and post selfies and tweet stories and do all sorts of cool shit. Come join us! Everyone is great and it’s my favorite non-the dash Toast dot net virtual space. You can find me there as MsJinxie (same as here, easy peasy).
Let’s all be Twitter friends! Share your Twitter handles here, if you’d like ๐
djkomisar. heyo.
Hi hello!! I followed you back. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR MAXIMUM FUN AND ALSO MORE RETWEETS OF THE ROCK THAN IS PROBABLY APPROPRIATE.
The Rock is ALWAYS appropriate! Followed.
I’m the same on Twitter as here: @ArsenioB_Ham. JOIN US! *SpaceWitch cackle*
I too am friends with the lovely MsJinxie and love my Toastie friends on Twitter. You may find me at whittingly, the same as here. :)))))))))))))))))
I am @archive_ninja and I enjoy howling into the void & having it occasionally answer back.
I’m slowseptember and the Toastie twitter lovefest is THE BEST
Twitter has not been the same since I discovered Toast Corner; it is now the best. I am @rosencrantz and occasionally re-tweet the Hamlet mentions I get. And tell stories.
I’m @rallisaurus, and I hardly tweet at all, but I’m trying! The Toastie Twitter-verse finally convinced me that it was time to block all of my professional contacts so I could finally be free of the duty of being “professional” on Twitter.
I’m @caycepollard and Twitter is my favorite public internet place for people apart from the Toast.
Yes, Toast twitter is the best Twitter!!
Same as above, lindackerite.
I just started a brand-new Twitter account, so please do follow me even though it will likely be silent for a few days, because it would make me feel braver about starting out. It’s @goingtheretosee
Done! I think I’m your first follower, how exciting!
Hurrah for first followers! I just put my name up there as Linette, so Toasties will recognize me. I gotta get a new profile pic.
Yes please! I’m @emilyorelse, and I’ve followed several other Toasties but
NOT ENOUGH
NEVER ENOUGH
Toast Twitter?! That sounds wonderful!
I’m @rpgassmann
I’m dancing_robot!
I’m hurdy_burdy!
Yay! I love the Toast and want to be a toastie space witch but I am not a big commenter. My time to shine is finally here! @bibliobotic
I’m the same as here- @Hieropants
You may also wish to follow @The_Space_Witch.
Someday, we may even find out who is behind it.
Someday.
IF ONLY THERE HAD BEEN SOME HINT. SOME VERY SUBTLE HINT.
yes! @lizbizfizz !!
Right then – I am making a Twitter account. I am @ToffleToft. Prepare to be followed!
I looked back at your comment history because I didn’t remember seeing your handle on here before, but I HAD because you were the person who mentioned Anouilh’s Antigone last week, which gave me all the eye twitches. When I was in college our theater dept. did a production of that but they set it in Baghdad and it was hands down the worst production I’ve ever been in. And I still feel bad about it because I like him, I think it’s a good script, and I hate that I was part of that terrible production. I was also cast as Joan in a production of The Lark that never made it to final production, so maybe it’s my fault? Maybe I have a Curse of Anouilh? Ahhh.
Anyway, welcome to Twitter. Have a fist-bump of solidarity for good playwright appreciation.
Thanks for the welcome and fist-bump! And sorry about your curse. I haven’t read/seen The Lark; Antigone is actually the only Anouilh play I know. Should I check out The Lark?
If you’re interested in Joan of Arc, then sure! I don’t remember much about it other than it being a little slow and talky, but so is Antigone, so if you liked that then you’d probably like The Lark. (I don’t mean that as a slight toward either play, it’s just my opinion. My personal tastes run more toward Oh-dear-I-appear-to-be-turning-into-a-rhinoceros.)
Yes hi everyone I’m logicbutton on Twitter too and I totally want to be your friend and if I’m not following you already even though we have like thirty mutual followers in common I swear it’s just because I’m shy. New Twitter friends with whom I do not currently have thirty mutual followers in common are also welcomed.
FRENZ! I’m @MindyHungSpace.
@Sedna_51 here! Prepare for much discussion of Handsome Mens and teh foodz.
I”m @zizzivivizz! Busily following EVERYONE.
(literally a thing I just did. Because Toasties on twitter are tops! :;tap-dances away::)
I’m @heartstillatwar (https://twitter.com/heartstillatwar) and I eventually hope to follow all Toasties who are on Twitter! I’ll be resuming maximum tweetage soon now that work craziness is over.
I am @megmuoio and I live for Toastie Twitter.
Hello, I am newish to twitter, but say occasional things at rosie_m_banks, because why use one Wodehouse pseudonym when you can use them all?
I am @amyofdoom but I rarely tweet. I am emailing myself ya’ll’s handles so I can add you after work today.
@HeatherSeggel, I’m more of a lurker there than here bc I have to limit screen time lest my eyes deflate, but I do like The Twitter.
ahhhh am I too late to this? I’m lifeinsuper8 !
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE.
It’s always an ok time to join the Twitter party!
Also, I think it’s funny how so many people are all, “Oh man I’m late to the open thread no one’s gonna read this” – guys, there’s a lot of us on the West Coast! I still have HOURS of computer time before I can leave work.
@noxmunk – My account is private, but I will add/approve all of the Toasties.
I am @combledore, same there as here! I love that I can post “having a shit day, tell me what makes you happy” and my mentions are basically instantaneously full of things that make me smile.
@Pwickup on the Twitter, which I have not used in more than a year but am now considering reviving because of all you fine people. I’m in the midst of adding you all now!
I’m @raquinsey and am going to follow all you lovely ladies (one I get a moment!)
@heatherparlato
I am not good with The Twitter (but maybe I will try to learn?) but my handle is @apple_pi.
I almost never see replies on twitter due to the celebrities and other people with my name that everyone gets me confused with. Is there a list of Toasties on Twitter? I mean, one of the lists that Twitter lets you make so you can see everyone in one place?
There is indeed! EmbryConcepts made one, because she is a delight.
Subscribed! Thanks to you both!
Oh my goodness, hope I’m not too late (TIME ZONES, she screams into the void) but I am @hayley_sass on the twitters, and toastie-twitter is my favourite thing in the WORLD and if you follow me I promise lots of film, food, and boggling Australianisms. GO TOAST TWEET TEAM! ๐
TWEET TEAM UNIFORMS NEED TO HAPPEN.
Also, I am glad to see you here because I still have an hour more to be trapped at my desk and it is suuuuuuuuper quiet at work today.
Can we also have badges/buttons? I love a good badge.
*organises a rag-tag bunch of song and dance men to entertain Jinxie in her hour of need*
Of course, now I feel bad because when I leave it’ll be even quieter for YOU, unless there are other Antipodeans hanging around. DAMN YOU TIME ZOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNEEEESSSSS.
I’m a day late because work but I’m @yrpretendfriend !!!!!
Last week it was mooted to have a horse/non-cat pet thread! I am starting, because I can. Let’s see your non-feline animals!
As well as the feline overlords, I’ve got three ponies.
I’ve had Copper (the old git) since I was 10, so we’re coming up to our 26th anniversary in a few months. He is very very old now, and a total old bastard who thinks he can do as he pleases. The picture was the last competition we did when we stormed the veteran classes at a local show, he wouldn’t load into the lorry to come home and I had to ride him back.
Petal is the pony I used to compete for the stud I ride for, and I bought her 5 years ago when she retired from competing. She is currently rocking the my little pony look wih a pink, blue, purple and green mane and tail, because there has to be some advantage to having a white one who shows all the dirt.
Dexter is my youngster, it was his 4th birthday last weekend and I need to get on and start riding him this summer. He is Petal’s nephew and has some big hooves to fill! I have had him since he was 3 months old. This is me with him (on the right) and his mum.
Eeee ponies!
im freaking out at the cute. you are living every young girls dream — YOU HAVE PONIES
If you want serious cute, this is the day I got Dexter.
brb squeeing forever
OH MY GOOOOOD
Ahem. (There is nothing on earth that compares to having your nose sucked by a foal who is too young to have teeth yet.)
*Dies. Is dead. omg*
Soooo cute! I love baby ponies! I would post a picture of the orphan ponies I used to care for but it is so dark you can’t really see it.
They were the bounciest little things I swear they had rubber hooves. And they would flip out when I brought them their milk.
Also I really hope your ponies aren’t orphans. They are adorbs!
We have one (who is now 8) who was bottlefed as his mum had mastitis just before he was born so she couldn’t feed him as her milk was infected, and we have another who is in his 20s now whose mum was killed on the road (she escaped) when he was a couple of weeks old, and the owner gave us the foal as he didn’t have the facilities for hand rearing. Lucky, as he was inevitably named, was handreared and grew up fine.
The place I keep them is a stud farm though, so adorable babies annually! Only one due this year, due date 10 May so any time now!
When I opened this thread I was hoping for exactly this kind of picture. Thank you.
Yessss horse pics!! Here is an oooollldd picture of me on the horse I used to train, a Hungarian Warmblood named Cookie!
Lovely Cookie!
I DEFINITELY would have named her something else if it had been up to me…
You are speaking to a woman with a horse called PETAL. I wouldn’t have chosen it in a million years, although she was at least named after this amusing advert. ‘By ‘eck, you smell gorgeous tonight, petal’.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mp646_H_xo
ponies *___*
oh man I am IN LOVE with Petal and her MLP mane and tail!
Yay for old man horses who have been treated well enough to think they can do whatever they please. My old man horse is living in semi-retirement (I can’t afford to board him near me anymore, so he lives in some comfy digs a state away from me). It’s a small animal sanctuary that some friends of friends have, and Mister (yes, that’s his name) teaches the young abused horses that they *can* demand things of humans, as long as they do it politely. It has made a world of difference in the attitude and deportment of the younger horses, according to the folks at the farm.
His party trick is that I can duck down and walk between his front legs, down his belly, and out his back legs. Even now, when I only see him a few times a year he’s cool with it–he sighs and it’s clear he’s humoring me.
I’ve been really lucky to be able to keep my old git. He’s worked on the riding school since I’ve had him, they loaned him while I was at university and living elsewhere, and now he’s semi-retired and I am back local and can afford it, we split his costs as he doesn’t ‘earn his keep’ any more. Luckily the owners have the attitude that he owes them nothing, and we have the right kind of clientele that he does disabled riders and kids on the leadrein. It keeps him ticking over without stressing him.
That’s lovely that Mister is teaching a generation of horses about their rightful place at the top of the tree.
OMG horsies! These pictures are great. And I LOVE the MLP mane!
She is an honest-to-god secret unicorn! You have a secret unicorn!
I have seen bridles that come with fake unicorn horns attached but only in the US. I am going to have to get one of my American relatives to get one and send it over. Annoyingly it’s been pissing with rain all week so it’s all washed out, but I’ll definitely be dying her again when it’s proper summer.
Any recommendations on packing your own lunch? I’ve been such a lazy POS lately, I’m living on frozen dinners and macaroni for dinner and then for lunch I just buy a sandwich from the place next to the office. I’m trying to change that– today I brought a can of soup, hoping there’s a can opener and a bowl somewhere in the break room?? I don’t think this is how competent adults do food.
I eat at my desk so I can walk during my lunch break. To avoid being *that* person in the office, I stick to cold food so no one has to smell my meal.
I enjoy plain yogurt with added raw Chia seeds or raw rolled oats. I usually add chunks of fresh fruit. By the time I get around to eating it, the seeds or oats have been soaking for hours. I like the resulting texture. And I like how some fruits mellow with the soak.
I make a lot of “grain” salads, like with wheat berries or farro or wild rice. Cooked grains, some protein, some veggies, maybe a little cheese, maybe some nuts and dried fruit, mix it all together with the dressing of your choice (homemade or not) and BOOM lunch for days. It keeps really well, is good cold or at room temp. or even heated (depending on what veggies you add – like, I wouldn’t microwave romaine lettuce, you know?).
We usually do a big cook on the weekend (maybe two different types of meals, say soup and chili or lasagna or stew) and box it up into individual serving Ziploc containers and stack in the fridge so we can just grab and go. I find the key is to make it as easy as possible to grab the lunch and go, thus cutting down on the temptation to go for ramen or soup. (We also have a chest freezer where we keep extra food for those busy weeks when we don’t have time to cook, but we are not normal people.)
I make big batches of splodgey foods–remember back in the day on the Hairpin when Jane Marie urged us all to eat more beans? I took that shiz to heart/stomach–on Sundays and eat them all week. I also throw a serving or two in the freezer so that I have something from prior batches ready to go when I can’t bear to eat another meal of whatever I made this week.
So, like:
Chana masala with rice or naan
Black bean chile (with cinnamon, cloves and a little chocolate, etc.) with tortillas or tamales or spoonbread
This white bean pasta from Smitten Kitchen
This! Granted, I’m only cooking for myself. But I will make a big batch of something on Sunday and then eat it for lunch the rest of the week. I’m not much of a meat person and I’m really fond of legumes so these are some of my favorites:
http://www.closetcooking.com/2013/03/cuban-black-… http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/le…
And there’s one I’ve modded so heavily that I don’t know what it started out as, but it’s Great Northern beans mixed up with Greekish ingredients (feta, black olives, sun dried tomatoes, spinach, lemon juice, cumin, coriander, cardamom) scooped up with pita chips. As far as I know this doesn’t resemble any dish known to man, but I’m excited when I get to eat it for lunch and I’m pretty sure that’s all that counts.
(That white bean pasta recipe looks good! Do you add any other vegetables to it? This is the meal I put the most work into, so I try to stuff it with vegetables.)
Oh yes, a white bean Greek thing sounds amazing. I sometimes make a hummus-like spread for pita chips of white beans, garlic, lemon juice, olive oil and salt in the blender when I need something fast. I should definitely start adding toasted ground cumin to it, what was I thinking?!
I often add chopped spinach or other greens to the white bean pasta dish. Broccoli or cauliflower might also work.
If I’m taking in leftovers, which I try to do often, I try to pack up some for the next day RIGHT AWAY. Like before I actually eat the dinner. If I just shove it all in the fridge and then have to portion some out the next morning, I’m much less likely to do it. Plus it stops me from eating the whole batch right then. ๐
Also investing in a good thermos is really helpful. I have a Stanley thermos and it is amazing. I can put in soup (or whatever) and just toss it in my bag — I’ve NEVER had even a little leak from it. It’s the only one I’ve found that can be trusted. It’s metal, so you still have to pour it into something else to warm it up, but totally worth it.
I do this too. When I’m filling my dinner plate I fill up my lunch containers and then put the pans in the sink. If I eat first I will throw the food in the fridge in the pans and have no lunch the next day.
Leftovers are easiest for me — I’m cooking for two, most recipes serve 4-6, end result is that I almost always have a lunch.
Failing that, hummus and veggies + pita is always a good option. It takes 5 minutes to throw it together, and it’s really filling.
When I’m feeling lazy, I sometimes buy big frozen lasagnas or casseroles or whatever instead of individual frozen dinners, and then eat leftovers for however long. I find them tastier and more filling and often cheaper. They do take forever, but you can ignore them while they’re in the oven. Usually I eat something faster for dinner while I cook the big thing to eat for the next several days.
Also, if you are like me and like meals more if they have vegetables in them, frozen vegetables are wonderful. You just pour some in a bowl, maybe add a little water, and microwave them until they’re hot. “Petite” or “sweetlet” peas and “peaches & cream” frozen corn are both really good. Regular peas and corn are ok too. If I’m putting frozen veggies in my lunch, I just put them in the container frozen and then microwave them at the same time as my slice of lasagna.
For a fancier lazy vegetable, I have learned that pre-cut, pre-washed romaine plus bottled vinaigrette = totally acceptable side salad, why would anyone want to bother cutting up more vegetables to put in it? I use a separate container for this if I’m taking it for lunch.
When I’m less lazy, I do meal planning and stuff, and sometimes my lunches involve ideas from Just Bento. A lot of the stuff there can be made in advance or uses ready-made foods, but figuring that out requires thinking, and thinking is work.
Bentos, like from Just Bento are a great option to give yourself lots of variety. Other good options: an egg casserole (I eat breakfast and lunch at my desk and one week I made an egg casserole and ate it every morning and it was magical). Chili, soups and a roll, a sandwich from home, dinner leftovers. Cook some frozen ravioli in the morning while you get ready is another great option.
Most of my lunch-packing* years, I was also without a fridge or a microwave or even a desk to stash the bag lunch, so I always aimed for something tasty at room temp that wasn’t too heavy and also wouldn’t leak too too badly. Many of my lunches/dinners fell into a handful of categories:
– the salad with something protein-y: a Tupperware of greens and maybe roasted vegetables that I’d top with a smaller container of hummus or chunks of cheese or chunks of seitan or chicken or tofu, a little spice bottle of dressing to add at the last minute, and usually a slice of homemade bread.
– the grain-based or starchy salad: pasta salad or rice or wheatberries with broccoli and tomato and olive tossed with lemon and oil dressing; soba noodles with snowpeas and broccoli (I like broccoli, YMMV) and maybe tofu and peanut or soy-citrus dressing; potato salad, which in my mayo-hating home is just steamed red potatoes tossed with yogurt thinned down with lemon and amped up with chili powder, scallions, garlic, and plenty of pepper. And so on.
– the hummus whatever: a Tupperware tub of hummus inside a bigger Tupperware full of carrot coins, zucchini sticks, grape tomatoes, pita, and a few olives; a tub of hummus, two pieces of bread, and a big pile of spinach to make into a sandwich at lunchtime; a salad to top with a serving of hummus.
I also eat a lot of frittata, which I really like at room temperature, especially tucked into a piece of focaccia as a sandwich. I find it handy to keep a few small freezer gel packs on hand in case of an unusually warm morning or a particularly spoil-prone meal, but you can also just throw a cold drink in the bag, which helps a bit. I never did because keeping the weight of the bag down was worth spending a buck on a cold drink on-campus or at work.
*That sounds like the seediest possible euphemism, doesn’t it?
Budget Bytes is where I get a lot of recipes that I can throw in tupperware that last most of the week. Which is what I do when I’m feeling super prepared. I highly recommend the tupperware that has the snap-latch things on them to keep the container sealed. Also, those shaky blender cups are excellent if you want to bring smoothies or even juice to work – they don’t leak.
Most of the time, though, I am desperately trying to saw open microwave bags of veggies with a plastic knife or trying to eat bone-in chicken in an inconspicuous manner.
I like to have a hot lunch (too many years of cold PBJs as a kid, I guess), so frequently I’ll get those heat-and-serve noodle bowls or a frozen dinner and eat that. I also get a lot of little things to carry with it (apples, baby carrot snack packs, string cheese, yogurt, applesauce, etc). I will also not infrequently make lots of something for dinner, then when I’m putting it away I portion it out into single-serving Tupperwares and store it in the fridge like that (which you could do with your frozen dinner/macaroni leftovers, if you have them). Then making lunch is thirty seconds in the morning of just grabbing stuff out of the fridge and dumping it all into my bag.
Free comic book day tomorrow!! Woo! I haven’t read much in the way of comics since I completely killed my pull list late last year when we moved to a more expensive apartment (the old one raised our rent by 15%, which would have been even more expensive than this one now is). So I’m really excited by that, but also because my comic book shop is having a free comic book day signing by the team behind LumberJanes!
And also in an unrelated event I might get some funnel cake! Wins all around!
Last time I went to free comic book day I spent $80 NO REGRETS. I accidentally spent all my money yesterday, so I shouldn’t buy any this time, but I’m having a shitty month so I think I will anyway PREEMPTIVE NO REGRETS.
PREEMPTIVE NO REGRETS! I may buy some comics, though honestly I have no idea where I’ll keep them. BUT WE WILL SEE.
Ohhh comics people, can you give me some advice? My dude’s birthday is coming up and he’s pretty into comics/graphic novels, and there’s a super legit comics store in our town, so I was thinking it would be cool to get him some things. He’ll be out of town tomorrow so I could even hit up free comic book day by myself and surprise him! Buuuuut I know basically nothing about this stuff so I wouldn’t really know where to start. I know a little bit about what he’s read and liked (Sandman, Bone, the art but not the story of Fables) and not liked (Watchmen) but otherwise I’m pretty lost. Any suggestions?
EVERYBODY’s probably going to recommend Saga to you. They are correct. (be warned, however, that it is NSFW)
For the more literary kind of thing, I like Unwritten, which has the advantage of having been going for a while, so you can get him a couple of volumes if you want.
Pretty Deadly is a new series out by one of my favorite authors – it just completed its (short) run, I believe, so you could get him the whole thing, and it’s got kind of a Sandman-y vibe.
And for just fun stuff, Sex Criminals is great (two people who stop time when they orgasm go on crime sprees together; one of the best representations of adolescent female sexuality I’ve seen; also NSFW)
Yep. I was going to say SAGA SAGA SAGA FUCK YES SAGA. And because I can only click once on SarcasticFringehead’s comment, I am making my own comment below because it really is VERY GOOD.
OMG I forgot about Unwritten. I love that series so much. Also Lucifer! Mike Carey is awesome!
I’ve been meaning to read the second volume of Unwritten – I read the first and didn’t fall in love with it, but the concept is so interesting that I want to give it another go. I am in love with Yuko Shimizu’s cover art though.
I WAS JUST GOING TO RECOMMEND SAGA. My backup recommendations were… everything else you said, so thanks for making me useless here ๐ Although I suppose we could round out the “Everything the DeConnick-Fraction household is writing right now” list with Hawkeye and Captain Marvel.
catoclock, if your dude hasn’t read Kieron Gillen’s recent run on Journey Into Mystery, I HIGHLY recommend it. I saw you mention below that he’s not much for superheroes, and JiM is set in the Marvel Universe, but it’s more or less centered on the Asgardians (kid Loki in particular, for Gillen’s run) and Thor doesn’t even show up that often. It’s astoundingly good, one of the best runs I’ve seen in years, and the ending is an absolute punch in the gut. Plus it has a decidedly feminist bent! The moral arc of Gillen’s JiM run is long, but it bends toward feminism.
I second Saga and Sex Criminals. Pretty Deadly just finished its first arc, but I think it’s an ongoing (with breaks between arcs like Saga).
Pretty Deadly has kind of a Sandman-weirdness feel to it to me, and the first 5 issues just came out in trade paperback format this past Wednesday. Sex Criminals’ trade came out pretty recently too. Saga’s like 16 issues in, with the first 15 in 3 trades. Really, anything from Image I’m willing to take chances on, and have not been disappointed. I’m also loving Hinterland, which is a Vertigo imprint.
So honestly if you have a super legit comics store, you should ask the people who work there! If you can tell them what your dude likes, they can often offer very helpful suggestions.
From what you’ve said, though, my suggestions would be something like Bryan K. Vaughan’s Saga, Amulet by Kazu Kibushi (which is kind of kiddy, but still excellent, at least up to the point I had read it)… uh… do you know what it is he disliked about Watchmen? Just not a Superheroes guy? Or something else about it?
Thanks guys! This is great, I am making a list now. I definitely plan on asking the comics store people too, but everyone knows Toast recommendations are the best recommendations.
Kiddy is great, actually — his life goal is to be a children’s book illustrator. And Watchmen… yeah, not so much into superheroes, and he also haaaaates the art. Not sure about specifics beyond that, though.
Oh, I should ask for recommendations too. I already read lots of webcomics and I would like to try reading paper comics that are awesome in similar ways. And also maybe have superheros. But I hang out with (other) geeks, and most of the geeks I know haven’t heard of half my favourite webcomics, so I kind of don’t want to ask at the comic store because of fears that they would stare at me blankly when I say what I already read (which admittedly is silly, I know several of the people who work at the comic store and they’re awesome and nice).
Also there was a webcomics recommendation thread here a while ago and other people recommended things I already read, so I’m hoping some of those people also read dead tree comics.
My favourite webcomics that I’m currently reading are Skin Horse, Family Man, Dicebox, and Girl Genius. For comics that are on hiatus or over, I’m quite fond of Magellan Academy, 2D Goggles, and Digger. And I like the new Marvel movies, but who doesn’t?
I did read the first Hawkeye collection and I quite liked it, so I guess I could start with more Hawkeye, but I have no idea where to go after that. Help?
So to be honest I’m not super into webcomics, but if you want an easy entrance into superhero comics, definitely check out Ultimate Spiderman. And if you want another easy and seems-similar-but-really-isn’t entrance into superhero comics, check out Invincible. A more recent entry point may well be Ms. Marvel, which is awesome (I’ve only read 2 issues? I think?) and features a lead who is both a lady (well, it may be fair to call her a girl?) and also not white!
And if you’re into Sci-fi and/or fantasy, definitely Saga. As recommended above by everyone.
Thank you! I should have remembered about Ms. Marvel, I have seen lots of people saying nice things about it online. But I definitely wouldn’t have thought of Ultimate Spiderman, and I hadn’t heard of Saga before this thread, so thank you very much for recommending them!
Like bastardsnow said, the new Ms. Marvel is great, as is Kelly Sue DeConnick’s run on Captain Marvel for superhero-type things.
I shall add Captain Marvel to my list. Thank you!
Stuff I’ve liked that’s in trade format:
Rat Queens
Secret Six (Gail Simone)
She-Hulk (Dan Slott)
Batgirl (Bryan Q. Miller) – this is the series that got me into comics!
Captain Marvel (Kelly Sue DeConnick)
Saga
Lazarus
Sex Criminals
Pretty Deadly
So many comics! Thank you!
Yassss. I am living for Rat Queens right now.
Rat Queenssssssss! So good.
I just found out that my local store is having free comic book day on Sunday instead (they’re closed on Saturdays) so I might FINALLY pay them a visit! I’ll have to check their hours…
NOELLE STEVENSON IS GOING TO BE THERE???
Aaargh, so many Nimona Feelings.
Uh… I may have gotten titles wrong? It’s Brooke Allen and Grace Ellis. They are referred to as ‘co-creators’
Ah, yeah I think Stevenson is also referred to as a co-creator? As far as I know she & Ellis are writing it? And Allen is illustrating? I I found out about Lumberjanes (which I haven’t read, because I’m poor and away from home) through Stevenson, who writes Nimona (which is an awesome webcomic, look it up if you don’t know it), so I don’t know much about the other authors/artists/co-creators. Though I’m sure they’re awesome.
Back from free comic book day! Thanks for reminding me to go!
It’s always negroni season, though I’m more on a grapefruit-juice-based cocktail kick right now m’self.
So, life. I’m fully moved into my new place, have been for a couple of months. More the fool I, I promised to come back for the final cleaning when the lease was up. Got there on the 26th to scrub down the kitchen. There’s just shit EVERYWHERE. Dudebro was meant to move on the 27th. It looked like he had a good week’s worth of dedicated packing to do. At that point, I pretty much just checked out. Scraped the crap off the glasstop stove and the oven, rinsed it down, and left.
On the 28th, I was promised that everything was off the carpets and he only had “like one or 2 things left.” So I went back to use my carpet steamer, because for godssake, I want at least some of the $1400 deposit back. All the crap that had been on the carpets was only moved to the tiled kitchen and dining room. Fuck.
8 months earlier, he’d broken a door with his foot. I wasn’t there at the time, but he claimed he’d put his foot through the door while trying to open it with his foot while carrying laundry, and hadn’t realized it was closed all the way. And he promised both me and the landlord that he’d replace the door before he moved out.
It wasn’t replaced. It was patched. And it was a bad patch job at that. WHO THE FUCK THINKS IT’S OK TO PATCH A DOOR? And so, I completely checked out, realized that we’d be lucky to get a dollar back, grabbed my shampooer and left. Because fuck it. And he can pay the damned bill they’re going to charge.
Damn straight. Consequences of his neglect must be his, and his alone. Wishing I could buy you a drink and listen to you curse him.
So much cursing. I’d also left the electric bill in my name through the end of April, and he had the fucking audacity to ask me to split it with him. I moved out on March first. SO MUCH CURSING. (I said no, then cursed myself for not making him put the damn thing is his name then.)
What a fucking winner. Excited for you to be truly free and clear of the moveout stuff.
Ughghghgh, what a bummer all around. But, yea yea for being free of it now, though? I vote yes–yea!!!!!
I’m thinking about dyeing my hair a deep dark red and getting a pixie cut, but the only other person who is enthusiastic about this is my husband. My Mom actually said, “why!?” (this is not normally her style). I have this tendency to build up potential hair changes into this magical solution to self-esteem (I’m fat) issues, which I know is crazy. Like, I got a pixie cut last summer and I liked it, but then no one else seemed to, so I started second-guessing it and I just let it grow out. Which is so lame. I mean, it’s my hair! On my head! Who cares what other people think! I’m trying to move towards not giving a fuck, but I guess I still do give a fuck.
Soooo…tl;dr how do you stop giving a fuck about what people think about your appearance?
Dooooooooooooooooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttt! (I have a bright-ass pink pixie as of 2 weeks ago. I love it.)
The skill of giving zero fucks does take a while, I started my journey as a fat teenage goth in the 90’s, and perfected it mid 2000’s. What you need to keep doing is keep telling yourself that you don’t give a shit that other people don’t like your clothes/hair/body/makeup choices until it’s true.
Remember, you’re not doing your clothes/hair/body/makeup for them, it’s for you. If they like it and think it’s amazing, they’re obviously cool and well informed people. If they don’t, fuck ’em, they don’t know awesome when they see it. And keep telling yourself this multiple times a day, everyday.
I decided to just do it, because I want to, but there’s too much time before my appointment (next Saturday) for me to psych myself out of it.
Maybe I should scrawl “give zero fucks” in bright red lipstick on every mirror at work? That would bring me joy on so many levels.
This is a completely reasonable, and incredibly sensible action.
I don’t really know; I wish I did. I WILL say that pixie cuts are the best and everyone should get them.
I don’t know how to tell you to stop having feelings, but it may help to think of it as normal subjectivity. Everyone’s going to have an opinion on what they think looks best. Some people really might not like your haircut. It’s just that in this case, no one’s opinion matters as much as yours. If it will make you happy, I say go for it, because you’re the one who has to live with it.
I do think it helps that your husband is on board, since he’s the one who will have to look at it the second-most, and I think that’s considerate. Just last night I was asking my husband what he thought about me getting a tattoo, and he looked at me incredulously and said, “What does it matter what I think? It’s your body. Do what you want.” (He will be spared. And he is right.)
This, this. I am trying to learn that it is not about stopping the feelings, it is about realising that I am bigger than the feelings and they can pass through whooooooosh and I will still be here after. So even if the other moms at gymnastics look at me askance because I am wearing jeans and a sloppy t-shirt and my nail polish is both messy and chipping, well, yes, I care, but I can survive caring because I don’t have to Obey The Emotions. They are just there like weather.
Do what makes you happy, OP!
Yeah, I mean, I’d love to be able to control my feelings, but it seems more achievable to deal with the feelings instead. I’ve heard it described as a wave breaking (is that the right word?) over you and you just sort of have to stand there and let it wash over you, but not let it knock you over. So, yes yes, great advice!
Yes, the wave, definitely. That is what it is like here. And sometimes it’s a huge wave and there’s the knocking over and it is great to have swimming skills, but it’s still just swimming in the wave, it’s not All Life Ever or anything. I mean *of course* feeling bad is awful! There is no getting around that! But I have learned I can feel bad and still make dinner and watch some TV and read a good book and live my life.
I am being dragged off by a 4 1/2 year old to go make chocolate chip muffins now!
If the other moms at gymnastics looked at me askance, I would laugh at them and tell them they’re amusing.
That works! I feel it but I also do not care. It is just feeling.
I had a pixie cut for years and I can tell you it will always be a divisive look if only because there are a ton of awful men out there who are like “why can’t all women make a full-time job of catering to my skeevy personal preferences?” and have no problem with letting you know it. But you will also get a ton of compliments from the right kind of people. Like, way more than I’ve ever gotten with other haircuts.
As for not giving a fuck, the unhelpful story of my personal journey is that I used to work in a deeply sexist environment where every compliment I ever received on my appearance came with an awful slimy leer, and after a while my sense of self-worth sort of turned itself inside out and I developed a mantra of FUCK YOU FOR EVEN LOOKING AT ME, I HOPE MY HIDEOUS VISAGE BURNS YOUR EYEBALLS UNTIL THEY MELT
Your second paragraph, yes yes yes, all the time, high fives, let’s be witches.
I’ve actually found that my female friends were more anxious about my short hair than any dudes in my life. I mean, I absolutely got some compliments, but the only negging I got was from girls. But maybe I just have a really good bitchy resting face? I sure hope so!
Time for more mature women friends? Not advocating culling the current ones, just casting about for wiser, more supportive ones to add to your circle.
Yeah, I am working on that. So many women bonding by hating on themselves and each other and it is THE worst.
Worked for me: frequent, drastic changes to appearance. They got me attention (both varieties) and they accustomed me to seeing the true me beneath drastically different looks. YMMV. Good luck.
how do you stop giving a fuck about what people think about your appearance?
Practice makes perfect!
Practice. That’s what I meant.
Literally just saying “fuck you” inside my head a lot. And working very hard on loving myself and making my appearance make me as happy as possible. Thus far I have collected a lot of fun dresses, octopus jewelry, and dyed my hair purple with pink streaks. It’s working out pretty well.
Also, I know fat women particularly get shamed into taking up as little visible space as possible, but again: fuck that noise. Revel in the space you take up.
Fake confidence until you actually feel it. If you walk like your hair’s the shit (and it totally sounds like it will be) it will look like the shit. And then you’ll get in a positive feedback loop and really feel like it’s the shit.
Also, nothing wrong with hair styles as self-esteem fix. SHOW ME ONE WOMAN WHO HAS NOT RESPONDED TO A BAD DAY OR MAJOR LIFE CHANGE WITH A NEW HAIRCUT. Just one. I dare you. And sometimes that shit works.
I recommend listening to Beyonce or similar while doing your hair and makeup. Automatic confidence boost.
I’ll be honest: I look in every mirror I come across, stare myself in the eye, and go, “That’s me. I ain’t half bad.”
If you hate the colour, you can always dye it back! I got super red hair before christmas, and, well, I didn’t like it, but I’m glad I did it, because I would always have wondered otherwise – life’s too short for that! (And colouring it back to blonde was easy peasy.)
Just do it. And then smile and say “I like it” when anyone gives you shit about it. I think more people will like it if you like it. Ultimately, if your husband likes it and you like it, fucking do it!
Tell him you need a lot of compliments for a while to help.
Tell him you need a lot of compliments for a while to help.
CO-SIGN.
Also, if you post a photo here, we’ll all coo and tell you how bad-ass you look. [If you’d like to maintain anonymity, you can just post the hair and block out your face w/hand or phone or photoshop.]
I am fat and just got a pixie cut and I love it.
I would say: 1) go to a good stylist who you trust and who has cut your hair before, so you know it will be a good cut and that it will suit you well, 2) get some cute hair accessories, 3) screw the haters.
I also strongly believe in self care/body love selfies.
I GOT A MARRIAGE LICENSE and got silently angry when the woman at the clerk’s office asked if I was going to change my name but didn’t ask the same of Matt.
That IS angering. I was surprised to find out when my spouse and I got our license that the process for name-changing is different depending on who wants to take who’s name. It’s a very stream-lined and simple process if a woman wants to take a man’s name (I think you just have to check a box or something), but any other gender/sex combination is sooooo much more effort.
And I don’t understand this! I mean, I cannot think of a reasonable reason why the paperwork process would need to be different based on gender or sex! IT BOGGLES.
Congrats on your license, tho! ๐
What, change a ballin’ name like Lubchansky? Please.
“Both. I am changing my name to Matt Lubchansky and he is changing his to Jaya Saxena. It’s only fair.”
hahaha AWESOME
If you want to go a less-extreme route, you can also just swap middle names.
We also switch lives, right? Like after he gets to write about YA books and I get to make cartoons?
That’s just a bridge too far. You might as well both marry a horse at that point.
Dogs and cats living together in sin!
When asked, my husband and I informed people that we were both changing our names to Richard Nixon, so we could be Mr. & Mrs. Richard Nixon.
For real, though, change both your names to Saxansky. Do it.
That is a baller name.
LUXENA is also prettttty badass although also maybe sounds like a prescription drug…
THIS IS THE FIRST COMBO I ACTUALLY LIKE
*takes bow while also blushing*
My husband and I prefer the phrasing “we do not use matching names”. It avoids concepts of keeping or changing. It also allows our favorite example as a response to followup comments. “Matching names is like matching wedding bands. Sweet and romantic, but hardly necessary.”
I’m curious, is having matching names something a lot of people consider more romantic?
I guess there’s a lot of rhetoric about “OUR name” and “It makes us a family,” which is…maybe romantic to someone?
Jaya, it makes more sense when you realize we live in the South and half the fam is Deep South. “Romantic” (with a sigh, a faraway look, and fluttering eyelashes) is still high on the life list for women in my world. ::sob::
Ahhhhh yes.
Oh god if I could change my sister from that lifeview I would consider my work on earth as at least half-done. (Also in the deep south.)
Travel! Get her out of the South! If she’s resistant, tell her you need help on the journey and would she come along as a favor.
And introduce her to every mature open-minded person you know. I escaped the mindset narrowly, only because I got exposure to the Northeast and to freethinkers.
You’re a good sister but how she turns out is not your responsibility.
Excellent advice, but she is my *older* sister, 42, divorced, single mom, has traveled (all our lives – PiDad has incurable wanderlust), was even in the airforce, grew up around very pragmatic and nonromantical (although affectionate!) family and friends all her life. This is like, some kind of deeply seated crazy she is clinging to with both hands and possibly also teeth. (I love her lots, but seriously: deeply seated crazy.)
I have definitely come to grips with not being able to change the outcomes for her. But sometimes the deeply seated crazy and “Romantic” (fluttery eyelashes) is so, so bad for her self-esteem. And she feeds it with crappy Lifetime movies and impossible standards of romantic love, all massively complicated by the fact that her ex is a sociopathic shit who stomped all over her esteem and… yeah. It’s kind of exhausting sometimes.
Oh gods. You seem to have a very good handle on the situation. Sorry for the assumption that your sis’ attitude was born of inexperience. Clearly not. I have a Firstborn-of-My-Generation blind spot. Everyone is younger than I am.
You put your finger on it: it’s about self-esteem. Part of her has not matured. You love her best by fertilizing the confidence that so far has failed to thrive. And by accepting her as-is, accepting she may never develop away from the Romance outlook. Damn, you’re a good sister. She’s lucky to have you.
I don’t know about romantic, but I really WANT to change my name and can’t (because of immigration stuff), and it does bother me. I want to have the same name because….I want to, I like his name, I like to present as a family unit, we’re both pretty traditional, etc. I don’t think it makes me a bad feminist? It just makes me really prickly when people get on my tits about “well you SHOULDN’T change your name” because hey, I’ll do as I fucking please, you know?
Ugh that sucks. And I hope you don’t think my ranting means that no one should change their name! People should be called whatever the fuck they want, whenever they want, I just hate the assumption that it’s only a woman’s choice.
It’s just really, really, REALLY frustrating because A LOT of people think it is some kind of Obvious Feminist Stance. And I get a lot of flack for it. If you don’t change your name, people say weird things to you. If you DO change your name, or want to, a lot of people attack you for being anti-feminist or something.
Basically I want no one to ask me that question ever again, or anyone else, and I’ll just continue to address people as they introduce themselves to me. The end.
I like this solution best.
(I hyphenated for several years, because I like my name AND Mr Pi’s name, but it just got so. damn. long. when it was signature time (we are both multi-syllable last names so, yeah) and after a while, I just said Eh, fuck it and now I have both last names, but mine is a second middle name. We did the same thing to our kids, so they both have extra middle names, which I think they think is cool, so there you go.)
This is what I wanted to do (two middle names), and the Feds were cool with it, as the social security name-change took about 20 min. total. The NYC DMV couldn’t handle it though–they told me I needed a legal name change from the court to mess with my middle name(s), and that a marriage certificate would only let them change my surname. I did not want to hyphenate. So, as far as New York State is concerned, I have *two* last names, with no hyphen. Then we moved to CT, and they don’t allow spaces in last names (?) so I’m hyphenated there. Grr. Basically, I have like seven inadvertent aliases. Apparently this is not so uncommon these days. Hope nobody comes after me for this at any point. . .
I consider it pretty romantic, but names and symbolism and stuff are important to me. I’m taking his name if/when we get married, but that’s basically because his is awesome and mine is meh. If both our names were meh, I’d want us both to change our names to something badass. I do like the symbolism of “And now we are the House of Blythe” or whatever.
(I blame the Anne of Green Gables thread entirely for that being the first surname that came to mind.)
I AM changing my name, but this would still infuriate me. IF IT’S A DECISION FOR ME IT’S A DECISION FOR HIM TOO.
I passive-agressived the response. ‘No, NEITHER of us are’
Okay but serious question. Kids? Saxena-Lubchansky? And then when (if) they get married to people also raised in progressive homes, four hyphenated names? Where does the madness end??
My friends handled this by both changing their last names to something new they came up with.
1. Erring on side of not having kids, so sorta non-issue.
2. I’m fine with a kid taking his last name, because I realize that’s how society works, and my mom and I had different last names and I don’t feel any less like a family unit.
3. Kids can do whatever they want if they get married, but I don’t really think long and complicated names = madness. (As someone with a name many people fuck up because it’s “different.”)
It does become madness at a certain point, and I say this as someone whose children both have three first names (or one + 2 middle? whatever) and two (hyphenated) last names.
But if they think it’s madness by the time they grow up, they can decide to change their names at any point, right?
Ugh but then why even bother with the hyphenation if they’ll just change it? This thread is becoming a good argument against having kids at all.
Haha exactly! Kids just grow up into adults who disagree with all your decisions.
I was thinking about polling the open thread on this! I’m a hyphenate, and would probably just give any offspring my SO’s last name (having a compound last name is occasionally a pain). I guess if he was also a hyphenate, we could cross-pollinate (Snax-Stax and Significant-Other spawn would be the Other-Snax), or pick our favorite of the options.
I have a friend who is hyphenated – her dad was originally Mr Bob, and her mum Miss Alice (for example) – then when they married he stayed Mr Bob and she became Mrs Alice-Bob. My friend was Mary Alice-Bob, and now she’s married to Mr Tom, she is Mary Alice-Tom, and her kids are Alice-Tom as well. So she’s kept her mum’s name which I like and passed it on to her kids as well.
I’m also a hyphenate, and as a child told my parents that if I ever got married, I’d take his last name, because I hated being a hyphenate. Still don’t like it all that much, but it’s MY name now. Plus the First Mate’s name (if we get married, yadayada) alliterates with my first, so NO. Kids will definitely (probably, who can tell the future) be his though.
My husband and I have agreed that future offspring may take his last name if the first name comes from my side of the family. If he insists on a ridiculous first name, then it gets my last name (but that seems like a lose-lose, because the name he wants is nuts).
I have no problem with hyphenated or otherwise “complicated” names. Diversity is good for us. I sympathize with those who have caught a lot of flack for that, though.
I got my mums name and they told me I could use my dads name if I wanted, but I didn’t.
We’re keeping our names, and portmanteua-ing the kids. He’s already double-barrelled, but we’ll jsut use the first bit of his name combined with mine. It’s not that big a deal.
I vote for girls get my (woman) name, boys get his (my hypothetical husband’s) name. I know ONE family that does this. Every guy I’ve dated that I’ve brought this up to has told me it would be too confusing. Confusing for whom? Who cares!
This has always been my ideal also, especially because I am super into my last name, as my Toast name probably attests to. And seriously it is just the same as stepfamilies or whatever and no one complains about those…
I chose to remain child-free, so I definitely do not belong in this discussion. But I just want us to remember the history of common practice.
When a child is born, society has no doubt as to who is the mother. In healthy societies, the mother is the only authority on who is the father. Therefore, historically, the mother names her child with the father’s last name. She *names* the father by *naming* the child.
But I support every last one of you parents in naming your children any way you please, historical or not.
Talk about an awkward way of finding out you’re not the father.
“Honey, you put the wrong name on the birth certificate.”
“No I didn’t.”
“…….Oh.”
Can’t we all just do the awesome South American thing of just tacking on ALL THE NAMES? Your kid can totally be Zoe Penelope Grace Bianca Allendale Smith Waverley Parker Grossman Dole, you know? And then they just go by first-n’-last for short, but come on, let’s all start naming our kids with all the names, it seems super fun and then you can honor all the female relatives going back to the dawn of goddamn time.
That’s what we did (although it’s only four names, to be fair) and it is awesome.
Exactly, everyone gets at least 2 last names, and then their children get a last name from each parent, and so on down the line. And it’s worked out for them without any madness.
Or in Rwanda, each child gets a unique first name, and a unique last name–so no one in the family has the same last name as anybody else. Maybe confusing to outsiders to figure out who’s related to who, but I doubt the family feels any less connected without sharing a name.
I am a hyphenated lady who got married and kept her long-ass name. My feeling is that there may never be kids, so I have no desire to make decisions about my identity based on the fact that I could, hypothetically, acquire one someday, and also if I did it would obviously have my name because my name is better and if my husband has a problem with us not all having the same name, he is welcome to change his. MISANDRY!
We’re thinking two kids, one with each last name. We’re fairly sure this decision won’t ruin their lives any more than any other naming decision would. Maybe it will spare them being called by their sibling’s name all the time in school.
My husband has already started making it clear to our daughters (age 5 and 10) that he wants them to make their future husbands (if that happens) change their last name to ours. Mostly because it is a super cool name (Urban). But also because they are the last of the line, so to speak, on his side. Hopefully by the time this comes up it will be more common for men to change their names.
Unless my future-possible-husband has an amazingly badass last name and I wants it or if we decide as a unit to hyphenate, I am sticking with my last name because I am the last of my line and it’s emotionally important to me to carry that on.
I am keeping my name, he is keeping his, and then the hypothetical future child will have MY name, b/c 1) it’s great and 2) matriarchy.
Oh, that’s so annoying!
When I got my marriage license, I appreciated how all the forms had changed to accommodate same-sex marriage in my jurisdiction. So there were phrases like ” ‘If either or both brides(s)/groom(s) are … ‘
I appreciated the lack of assumptions.
The name change expectations are weird.
My parents each kept their own last names. Mine is hyphenated. I’m definitely going to keep my name when I get married because I love it. My fiance is undecided but he’s leaning towards taking my last name, which makes me happy. If he doesn’t, that’s okay.
I just made an account for commenting after being a lurker for a long time. Hi everyone!
Welcome, former lurker!
When we got ours the clerk said “Oh, gentlehangovers, you’re not changing your name?” – as if I had made a mistake on the form. Do I even need to say that she didn’t ask my finace if he was sure he’d filled out the form correctly/. My darling almost-husband leaned over the counter and very pointedly said “I’m not changing my name either.” The clerk just stared – completely befuddled. And we live in San Francisco! (but congrats on the marriage license!)
I like your Darling Almost. He shall be spared.
Ugh, our form asked us to fill in our races. I wrote HUMAN.
Hey, Toasties. I have a friend to whom men are being utter jerks lately (not only the ones actually in her life, but like, even dudes in grocery stores and pharmacies for some reason think they’re entitled to criticize her and give her beauty advice lately – wtf?) and between the two of us we’re pretty rage-full lately. I introduced her to this website ๐ but also promised her a ladies’ bonding, boys-drool type of night soonโso I could use recommendations for, like, appropriate misandrist films (nothing TOO violent please, haha), chicks-rule music, that sort of thing…is this a weird request? Misandrist party planning, yeah!
Misandrist party planning is GREAT! As for movie suggestions…is Thelma and Louise a little too “on the nose”?
For your movie option, is The Heat too violent for you? Because god damn that movie was awesome. For chicks rule music, pretty much anything by P!nk would be good.
Thelma and Louise! Yeah, I am old.
Are you into horror movies? If so, Ginger Snaps is really good!
Oh my god. I hadn’t heard of that movie. Just checked out the wiki page and I’m all MUST RENT THIS. MUST RENT THIS IMMEDIATELY.
OH GOSH I’LL COME RIGHT OVER AND BRING THE MOVIE AND POPCORN
ok not sure if this qualifies as not TOO violent, but if you want to watch a movie considered a “vigilante thriller” about a younger girl vs. a suspected molester you can check out Hard Candy.
If you want to go for something slightly older, with bonus Hepburn content, you could do a lot worse than Stage Door.
The 9 to 5 movie! It’s really sweet, gentle misandry, plus DOLLY PARTON.
I was just thinking about 9 to 5! Dolly Parton AND Lily Tomlin! Good times.
Broad City marathon
Thanks, all!! They’re all going on the list (except maybe Hard Candy, read that Wiki years ago and got squeamish, haha – but yay Ellen page!). We’ve seen Broad City together, but I would not mind a re-watch at all. BEST.
Pitch Perfect is gently misandrist and so enjoyable.
I have had a strange craving for Mallory to write a piece where she interviews herself. This would make me really happy so please do it. <3
I have had a pretty good week – my company won best company of the industry this week at the annual awards ceremony, which was great. I wasn’t looking forward to the ceremony as at last year’s one, one of my boss’ clients sexually harassed me majorly in a cab afterwards and now it stresses me out going to industry stuff but he wasn’t there! So had a double-great time. Oh and my awful ex-boss wasn’t there either, so actually triple-great.
T-minus 10 days to pilgrimage. Just got a new camera lens and it is baffling me. I would like everyone’s photography tips for using a fixed lens, because this is my first foray.
Oh, you’re not off yet? I was just thinking about you today actually (is that creepy? it’s totally creepy, isn’t it. I’m so sorry), wondering when you were heading off adventuring and whether you were on the road already.
That’s actually really flattering to my adventure, and I appreciate it. I am getting lots of folks very invested in this, and am having nightmares about, like, breaking an ankle on the first day out and having to sheepishly tell everyone sorry, no pilgrimage for anyone.
Nooo, people are excited FOR you! I hope it’s not feeling too pressure-ey.
And I hope you don’t break your ankle, because that would hurt.
I mean, I am inventing the pressure, I’m sure, but it’s like . . . boyfriend thinks I am being mad, but he sees that being mad in this particular way is very important to me, so he’s on board, but if it’s a shitty experience he’s going to be all sooooo we did something crazy for no reason? and I will have to say yes, it appears so.
And then all the friends who are jazzed and loaned me good hiking/camping gear and practiced my French with me and are designing my website . . . lots of people backed me up on this and gave me tons of support, and I’m really grateful to them, and I don’t want to let any of them down.
Toasties are mental support, but mental support is pretty fucking important too! I wanna have a good adventure and write about it and let everyone live vicariously through my madness. That seems great. Having high hopes is always a little intimidating.
Oh I totally understand not wanting to let anyone down, and feeling somewhat indebted to people who have gone out of their way to help you. Like you owe it to people to have the “right” experience.
Or at least an experience! It’ll be sad if I go and it’s just “whelp, I walked a lot, copped out halfway there, and spent the rest of the time sadly eating cheese.”
Well, okay, that last bit doesn’t sound bad, but you know.
No photography advice for you, I’m afraid, but I am so, so excited for you!
Prime lenses are great! I think they really challenge you to think about the picture you want to take and how you’re going to achieve it, and my 50mm f/1.8 portrait lens is my favourite favourite favourite thing to shoot with by far!
I’d recommend reading this article and then just taking lots of pictures! That is the best way to learn photography, hands down. ๐ Good luck and I hope the next ten days go by smoothly!
I loooove prime lenses! If you have a camera with high enough resolution or are shooting film, you can keep in mind that you can always crop if you really need a tighter shot. I had a 50mm-equivalent 1.8 lens on my old DSLR that was my go-to lens–it was lighter, faster, and sharper than my zoom lens, and I could shoot faster and focus on framing and content instead of focal length. I shoot a lot with a film rangefinder (my Minolta 7sii, my one true love), and while I sometimes wish it could zoom, it’s a real advantage to know what my camera will see before I even put it to my eye. I don’t know if those are tips, but I hope it’s helpful anyway!
I have a 50mm 1.4 on a Canon EOS Rebel T3, and I totally know what all of those things mean.
I’m still learning how to adjust aperture and shutter speed and all of that, and I guess I theoretically realize that eventually you can adjust all that pretty quickly if you need to snap something RIGHT NOW, and you keep your camera on a default combo that works for most lighting and distances, but as of this moment I feel like every time I want to shoot something I have to fiddle with all the settings for fifteen minutes. Any tips on how to get past that period of learning?
I am, admittedly, a flake. Or at least, often flaky. When others are flaky, I usually give them a pass. But this week I saw an email from a person who decided they were no longer going to a community service thing they committed to. They said, and I quote, “I can’t make it for some reason.” For some reason!! Other people can’t make it for particular reasons, but they can’t make it “for some reason”! They want _you_ to fill in the blank, so they don’t have to! This is the most brazen flakiness I have ever seen.
I think that is inspired genius flakery.
Is it? Is it??? Or is it just flakery madness? Is it just how Lewis Carroll would have flaked on someone, had he wanted to skip volunteering for an underprivileged school?
It’s when you really, really, don’t give a fuck, isn’t it.
Yes. Yes that is really it.
I became a flake this year. It’s pretty wonderful. Aside from the guilt.
Woo! My best friend is home from school in Boston, so we are going out for $5 margaritas in the West Village. Get at me.
To go back to the meatballs: I love food of all different kinds (possibly too much) (like, I’ve had nearly spiritual experiences over certain meals), but one of the two or three foods I am genuinely a Food Snob about is meatballs.
I blame my family. I’ve got a long line of Sicilians in my family, and nobody makes a better meatball than my female relatives. The frozen meatballs you bought in a bag from the Costco’s are not going to cut it (although I know it seemed like a reasonable shortcut, and it’s your kid’s graduation party, and they are just going into a long roll with lots of sauce and provolone cheese… I’m sorry! I can totally tell the difference.)
The bartender’s look delicious, though they are not in red sauce/clearly not Italian style. (And yes, I know that in Italy they actually serve meat on the side, etc. etc. My family has been here 100+ years, cut us some slack)
They are indeed not Italian style. So we are competing in different events. But they were delicious!! Thank you for commenting about meatballs!!!
Haha, you’re welcome! They genuinely do look good! I can tell that you made them by hand/put some work into them! They have that slightly-irregular shape and visible sautรฉ marks from when (I presume) you browned them on all sides before putting them in the sauce. Are they swedish meatballs, or is it some kind of vinegary/saukerkraut-type of preparation?
they’re really a somewhat random, very effortful invention. perhaps closest to swedish meatballs, but not really. and no pork. so russianish improvised meatballs. make the meatballs (with soaked bread or matzoh, sautรฉed pureed onions, spices), dunk in egg and flour, brown on all sides, then cook in whatever, as long as they’re mostly covered in water and with a bunch of sautรฉed onions and bay leaves and other things. i must say, they were pretty damn good. and now i’m hungry.
I’m also Sicilian and SO MUCH FOOD SNOBBERY. I’m sorry, but I’m also not sorry, because I have had the joy of having delicious homemade sauce all my life and it’s just better. (In my family, at least, I think the food snobbery is just one part of an “Italians are better than everyone” complex.)
I’m definitely familiar with that phenomenon from my own family! And certainly, it IS just better when homemade. But then my relatives also pick on each other’s cooking too? Like, an aunt tries to make the same dish which Nonna used to make, and people will remark “It’s gooood… but something’s not quite the same?” We’re convinced that some of the older relatives leave out ingredients when they write down recipes so that we can’t quite replicate them (it’s more like: they cooked by touch/taste/basic proportions/sheer repetition, so a written recipe doesn’t always capture their actual process/little add-ins/etc.)
Ughghg my brother’s stupid relationship is taking a turn for the (even more) emotionally manipulative and there’s nothing anyone can do, and I’m pretty sure my work is about to turn down a request I made for a change in hours that would make my life do-able, so boooo to today. The weather’s warming up, though!
And I have it better than like 99% of my ancestors, as Mallory has pointed out. Which ancestors do YOU have it better than? (I’m going with my great-grandmother who had 6 boys and 1 girl and who didn’t believe in modern medicine, which led to her 1 girl dying of juvenile diabetes that could have been treated. Way to suck, great-grandma.)
Birth control! And education! And travel! All of which allowed me to be the *first* woman in my family’s memory to avoid teen pregnancy, poor marriage choice, narrow attitudes.
I owe my life to Gutenberg’s printing press, the women’s movement, and the internet.
Oh, definitely the great-grandmother whose husband got his foot run over by a train and had to start piano-teaching, in addition to having/raising 9 kids and taking care of a farm, to make ends meet. During the Great Depression. And also probably the aforementioned great-grandfather who got his foot run over by a train, and was told he needed to get his foot amputated or he would die, but just ran away from the hospital and limped his whole life!?
A TRAIN. A train. Wowzers.
I have another great-grandmother who fell (got pushed?) out of an apple tree as a child, and walked with a limp the rest of her life! I think of her whenever someone starts talking about the Helicopter Parents These Days.
Later, she wanted to marry a guy her father didn’t like and he wouldn’t give her permission (she was still a teenager). So she deliberately got pregnant so they could get married. SMART LIFE CHOICES ALL AROUND.
God, all of them, probably. Ma Jinx was 2nd youngest of 9 and had to share not just a bedroom but a bed with like 4 of her sisters. They didn’t have indoor plumbing until she was 16. Pop had it slightly better growing up in a city but had to become the “man” of the house at age 10 when G’ma kicked out G’pa for being an abusive drunk. And they had it relatively good compared to their ancestors, you know?
My eldest aunt once gave my mother the only single bedroom any of the eight kids had as a birthday present. Said bedroom was, in fact, a closet with a twin bed in it that filled up every inch of the space. But it had a door! My mother still counts it as the best gift she ever received.
Aw, that’s so sweet!
She is a pretty great aunt. She mostly gives me cash and sound advice. I find no flaw in her gift-giving abilities.
I have it better than my grandmother, who practice ‘Irish Birth Control’ (marry at 34) and still had like, ten surviving kids. And no hot water. And no indoor plumbing.
And I definitely have it better than one of my many-greats uncle, who according to family legend was murdered by his brothers for his inheritance.
I have it better than even one generation removed. I have it better than my mother, who was a member of the last wave of girls and women in mainstream U.S. culture to be raised in the belief that the only realistic life goal was to marry and have babies and stay home taking care of them, and therefore there was no point developing a career or an advanced education or even a passion that took her away from her home.
I’m not dissing the goal of being a stay-at-home parent, but the society that told entire generations of girls it was the only goal. My mother is smart and capable and a fast learner, she’s social and deft and quick-witted. And while those traits all came in handy as a mother and a homemaker and a faculty wife, I know she felt constrained and stifled and that she has sometimes wondered what else she could have done with her life if she had ever been told that her life was hers instead of being told it was a life in trust to her eventual husband and children.
My great grandparents died in 1924. They were paddling a small boat around a lake when a sudden storm came up and my great grandmother fell out. My great grandfather kept diving trying to find her. They both drowned before help could get to them. My grandmother was their only child, and she was 2 years old. My great grandmother was pregnant.
My life is better with the invention of life jackets.
I don’t mean to be insensitive, but that’s almost exactly what happens in the Samantha American Girl doll books to Samantha’s parents. Just, you know, FYI.
And +1 to life vests.
D:
I actually don’t remember ever reading any of the Samantha ones… I wonder if my mom avoided them because of this! I wasn’t a big AG fan though, the only ones I remember were Molly and the blond Dutch girl. Kirstin?
Sent from my iPhone
Oh man, that is a great question! Mmm…probably both my grandma and her dad, both of whom had chronic depression but did not have therapy or SSRIs to help them get through it. And my other grandma, who died in the late 40s of tuberculosis. Also I gotta shout out to my mom and her generation, who shoveled a whole lot of sexist bullshit out of the way so their daughters could manage their own finances and be hired for jobs and keep fighting the good fight.
My uterus has betrayed me and all of me hurts.
Mine has too. Wish I could buy you a drink. We could curse our uteri together. Feel better soon.
All the sympathy.
Mine is going to betray me on Wednesday and it’s making sure I know about it already.
same here ๐
#killalluteri
All of you are wonderful, nature is terrible.
same.
Different circumstances, similar sentiments. Come on, girl parts, let’s all play nice!
We’re not on strike!
But on the other hand, I work at an onion-headline class cultural facility, so it’s time for a new job as soon as I can possibly get one. And this involves SO MUCH WORK. Like: figuring out how to rebuild and host my boring-ass website to actually showcase my dev abilities. Math transforms. Client work and math transforms. WHY MATH. SO MUCH MATH. Client work for no real cash so it’s work on top of work on top of applications.
I got my M.Des last week and then got the Family and the Stomach Flu in short order, so everything is super overwhelming right now. Thanks for being interesting and Captain America, The Toast.
Still on bedrest and still pregnant! What a great a uneventful week! If I continue this course for another 10 days, they will induce labor (which seems to be the gold standard for my sitch, so I’m mostly cool with it). The induction scares me a bit (was hoping for a less medical experience. . . ), but overall feeling pretty optimistic.
And so many thanks to The Toast for keeping my mind occupied–I think I’ve read every single link on every single round-up for the last 2 weeks. Yea for diversions!!
Hey, that’s great (I mean, not great, but great given the circumstances, y’know?)!
Glad to hear it!!! Thinking good bed-resty thoughts for you. Hope you’re not too bored.
I was just thinking of you when I saw the open thread. Glad to hear a good update!
I’m glad you’re doing alright, and I hope things continue to go (relatively) smoothly for you!
Oh bedrest sounds like the worst! And yet you still sound completely sane! An inspiration to us all.
My mom was induced with me and though she wasn’t thrilled about it (apparently it made the contractions more intense, but that was almost 30 years ago so I wouldn’t be too worried about that now) it all turned out a-ok.
Best of luck!
I am being unreasonable with my mister and I’m not sure how to shake it. I have told him that I don’t do well in large crowds of new people and that it makes me anxious. The result is that now I don’t get invited to things. Things I almost definitely would not go to. But I still want to be invited! He is so good to me and I think is really just trying to be considerate. I don’t want him feeling like he’s backed into a corner where every choice is wrong.
Oh no! I’ve had this issue too, in not inviting my guy to things because I know he’s going to be doing work, but he still wants to be invited. The way I had it explained to me is that he wanted to be the one to make the choice, even if it’s 99% clear he will be doing work. So maybe explain to your guy that, even if you’re both sure you won’t go, you don’t want him to be setting your social life for you. It’s your choice to make. (But also thank him for trying to be considerate in his own way.)
It’s difficult! I am the same.
My husband ‘invites’ me, but says it like this ‘there is this thing tonight! If you feel able to, I’m sure people would love to see you’ and then no pressure, ahve been invited, but can respectfully turn down.
Oh! And my boyfriend and I had the very first fight of our relationship this week, and I have Stuff about fighting, but it actually turned out pretty good. I feel guilty because it was pretty clear by the end that I was trying to make him the bad guy because I’m stressed as FUCK about the lead-up to going on this pilgrimage, and I hate that I did that, but he was very kind about it after the angry-and-indignant part was over.
I have also discovered that he is super-dramatic when he fights. Not, like, drag queen dramatic, but like British-actor-over-performing-King-Lear dramatic. He was defending himself against my (truly very spurious) accusations and it was obvious to me within three minutes that I had been being a grade A twat, and so I’m apologizing and saying you’re right, I was taking it out on you, and all that, and he’s like, “AND ANOTHER THING,” because he had a good rhythm going and wanted to make ALL THE POINTS, he was on a roll here.
He is pretty nice to fight with. He stuck to defending himself and did not attack me, and he was very, very nice to me for the next couple days because I was feeling so horrifically guilty for trying to make someone I love feel bad because I was feeling bad about my own shit.
I realize a first fight is weird to celebrate, but I have so much stuff around fighting that it was an immense relief to discover that if we fight, we will seek resolution really fast and no one is going to attack anyone as a person. Big deal for me.
That is a big deal and you should totally celebrate!
I’m apologizing and saying you’re right, I was taking it out on you, and all that, and he’s like, “AND ANOTHER THING,” because he had a good rhythm going and wanted to make ALL THE POINTS, he was on a roll here
I love this. I love this because this is totally me and mine, only with the roles reversed. It’s like, when we fight, I wanna get all that shit just out there on the off chance that we never fight again and I lose my last opportunity to be a Gripey McGriperson.
Yeah, he was in full Glorious Rant mode, and confessed to me afterward that he knew the right thing to do when I started apologizing was to stop and make up, but that he had a really excellent speech rolling out and he kind of wanted to see where it went.
I love him kind of a lot.
Oh, yeah, knowing how to fight without contempt or viciousness is so important to the success of a relationship! Being able to keep the fight about the fight is a skill, and like any skill it’s harder to wield in the heat of the moment.
And being able to fight without it turning into the end of the world is huge.
This week I’ve been staying up past my bedtime to read Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed (Dear Sugar). Oh my gosh, you guys. How did I not read her advice column while she was on The Rumpus. What a treasure.
I have had a pretty not-fun week, and I don’t think it’s just the terrible weather. My work has turned the “we don’t give a fuck about you” behaviour up to 11, so I’ve been stewing over that. And then yesterday I tried on some summer clothes I bought last year and they don’t fit AT ALL and I finally had to admit to myself that I have gained weight, and it is not just muscle from my weight-lifting regime, I’m just getting fat. So now I am also on a diet, and I hate everything about diets and how they make me feel and now I feel like I’m fighting against my body rather than feeling at home in it.
On the plus side, before I started my diet, I got to make a completely fantastic strawberry balsamic pie.
Hello, you seem to be having my feelings. I just had my alterations fitting for the wedding dress I bought last summer for a wedding this summer, and it’s a little tighter than it was when I bought it–uncomfortably so. So I’m trying to work out and watch what I eat until the big event, and I’m having such a hard time with it because I’m 1) against diets, 2) comfortable with my body as it is, and 3) I was diagnosed with a ton of food allergies a little over a year ago, so my diet is already so incredibly restricted that I don’t know what to DO. I just want to rebel against it all and not give a fuck. I wish you luck. Your pie does sound amazing.
I feel ya – between long work/commuting hours, lack of interest in exercise, and PCOS, my weight has gotten out of control. I’m in the midst of a lifestyle adjustment and it’s rough stuff. I just want some queso and chips, damn it.
This is super corny, but I’ve found Pinterest to be really helpful – my food board reminds me of many healthy, delicious things I can make and has this general aspirational feel that is good for keeping me on track. Also, I downloaded a calorie/exercising tracking app to hold me accountable (embarrassingly called “FatSecret” but my friends and I have taken to texting each “My FatSecret is [insert healthy recipe].”
Negroni Season! Maybe I’ll go have one for lunch because I CAN NOT wake up today. And my boyfriend was snotty about me having a hard time waking up and I kept *dreaming* that I was up and getting dressed and headed to work and then waking up and crying because I was still in bed and had to do it all over again and then having that same dream and then I kept pinching myself when he was giving me a ride to work because I couldn’t tell whether or not I was really awake and he wasn’t very happy with that either.
I hate these mornings. Why can’t I just wake up and go to work like a normal person? Oh, because I did first Thursday art walk with my best friend in Pioneer Square and we had a lot of fun and ate good food and drank a lot? Fine, it’s my fault. I get it.
Oh, I hate the false awakening so much! This sounds like a particularly layered and confusing version; I’m sorry that happened to you. It makes it so hard for me to get oriented in real life, and it makes my whole day unsettled and weird.
Today the last half of my work day will be spent at my coworker’s house at his ARCADE.
Say what you will about tech culture; I will probably agree, but I’M GONNA GO PLAY ARCADE GAMES THIS AFTERNOON.
Is that a work event sort of thing?
TEAM PARTY
Boss is bringing orders of sandwiches (I was brave and asked for a CHOCOLATE SHAKE too which is a weird kind of big deal for me? Because I am rather shy and nervous.) And then we are just going to play arcade games for like four hours or whatever, which sounds great.
Also I was just thinking about you! Has job searching/job things been any better for you?
How do people look for jobs?! I am terrible at it. Halp!
Ask a Manager helped me a bunch. And career specific job boards. I am terrible at networking, so I’ve gotten really good at cover letters….
Job hunting is totally terrible, though, so many sympathies.
(If you’re in architecture I have slightly more specific advice, if you want it)
How do I explain to someone at work that I never ever ever want to hear them say “Ladies first” to me again?
(this is not someone I regularly work with)
Miss Manners recommends this response: “No one does that anymore.” With a smile. The clueless will hear it as thanks, the enlightened will hear it as Stop It.
this is a GOOD response thank you!! I don’t want to make a big deal of it when it happens but I don’t want it to happen again if I can help it!
Miss Manners is never wrong.
Truth.
What about just a brief “please don’t say that” and then move on? You don’t need to launch into a whole thing (although I’m sure you have one building in your mind…at least, I would).
I would respond with “age before beauty”, (assuming this person is older than you). But I am kind of a jerk.
I think no matter how you say it, you are bound to get some resistance. I recommend something like this:
“I know you mean it as a kindness, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t say that around me; it makes me uncomfortable.”
In saying something like this, you acknowledge that you know he means no harm, you clearly state that it is negative for you, and you make a simple request for him to stop an act that is unnecessary.
That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is utterly perplexed by the mere concept of your disliking his “kind and chivalrous” gesture, so you might have to field a question or two about “why?” Remember, it’s not your job to convince him. If he presses and tries to make it into a debate, put your foot down and restate that it makes you uncomfortable, and based on that fact would he please stop.
But maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll just respect your feelings? Good luck!
The guys at my work sometimes stop to let women go in the elevator first. Which is fine in theory I guess, but those elevator doors do not give a fuck and will crush you in them if you wait too long to get in so the real chivalrous thing to do would be to get in the GD elevator and hold the door open, guys.
Oh my god the guys walk ahead to open doors for me so often.
I COULD HAVE OPENED THE DOOR FOR YOU
MY ARMS AND HANDS WORK FINE FOR THIS
Oh hey guys so apparently today is The Rock’s birthday? I feel like that should be a Toast Holiday (a minor holiday, though, since he IS a man). In honor of the day, here’s a picture of my favorite muscley actor who I love for no good reason:
Everyone shall celebrate with photos of The Rock.
Oh oh oh I am SO on board with this celebration.
I have celiac disease and am also allergic to eggs and dairy, but if The Rock offered me blueberry pancakes I would eat them WITH A SMILE.
hahahahah oh man this is so great.
Oh, I am also allergic to blueberries.
I WOULD STILL EAT THEM.
HERE FOR IT
I knew you would be.
You have the best ideas, jinxie.
This is the greatest thread on the entire internet today.
Bless this thread and all who sail in her
Boom. Pregnant.
The Rock making out with a pizza.
Pizza AND The Rock being all goofy? This photo is total Jinx-nip.
In my home he is known as Mr. The Rock, because he deserves an honorific because HE IS HONORED, and my impression of him as a thoroughly good guy was cemented by hearing Tom Lennon of “Reno 911” talk about Mr. The Rock’s professionalism and graciousness in his cameo, and also on calling them up to wish them good luck on the day of the premiere. Not every enormous athlete/action-adventure star would bother, but Mr. The Rock is a class act.
ILU
I have recently fallen into a strange hole of watching and somewhat caring about the WWE even though it is a nightmare of every kind of -ism, which is a long way of saying THE ROCK HAS RELATIVES WHO ARE CURRENT WRESTLERS.
EXHIBIT A:
EXHIBIT B:
SERIOUSLY. That family has some damn good genes.
Also, I just went back in to fix the HTML so the second image would show, and I might have written “img src” as “image sex.”
I watch it with the sound off. No more -isms and definitely “image sex”. Basically it’s soft porn for me.
Apparently his father and maternal grandfather were ALSO professional wrestlers? They’re like the Kennedys of wrestling.
THAT gave me some weird mental images.
Hey Toasties,
I’m having a nice week! It’s so summery out! I got furloughed from my job but I have another job lined up which is making this a lot less stressful.
๐
As part of my furlough, I could be rehired and they have tried to organize three calls to rehire me for a specific position and each time they have stood me up. And this morning my manager sent me a text, which read, “Hey, I am going to be out of the country on vacation tonight, so if you need anything, I won’t be able to help, haha”
I am so happy to be leaving that job.
Oh! NEAT. Run awayyyyyyyyyyy from that nonsense!
Glad to hear you found work! That interim period of waiting and looking is like having your head squeezed in a vise. Yay!
It’s commencement weekend! I’m not a student but it still fills me with joy because all the students will be leaving my mid-sized college town! I’m looking forward to being able to drive through campus without almost hitting jaywalkers, shorter waits at bars and restaurants, and the massive overflow at every thrift shop next week.
Samesies! I’m going to have so many more parking choices. But also, summer construction everydamnwhere.
BAHAHAHA. I have another week, but I’m really looking forward to all the people leaving too. Morning runs through the campuses without being overrun by bros on skateboards or having to go way out of my way to get around herds of be-headphoned undergrads!
On the down side, the summer library hours suck.
Ooo yes even when I was a student, I usually spent summers in my college town. Summer there was awesome. Ghost town with college-town amenities. And then fall would come back and we’d be like “dammit all the kids are coming back.”
Next week, I’ll be joining the ranks of the beMirena’d. For free </socialized medicine brag>.
Any pep talk / advice / scary stories?
I’m on the IUD side rather than the IUS side, but I seriously wish I’d splurged on stronger painkillers. The first couple of hours blew right through my puny paracetamol and then I couldn’t take any more because I’d already dosed up.
But not thinking about it, ever, is bliss. Such wondrous bliss. Totally worth it. Mine was free too, socialized medicine five!
Not having to think about it, ever, is awesome. The lots of spotting for months and months was not awesome but not really a big deal. I am not sure about the painkillers, I don’t remember it hurting except for the 5 minutes of getting it put in.
Yay! I’ve only had good experiences with mine so far. Best of luck!
(I’d say have fun, but that’s not really the case here. Unless you count being free of pain and terribleness as “fun”, which I suppose you could…)
I’ve had mine for about 3 years, and I still love it! Good luck!
Mine was super easy, handled it with ibuprofen. Best health decision I’ve ever made. Just make sure your doc has done a lot of them. Complications are really rare, at least in the studies I’ve read, so don’t be nervous!
I have my second interview for that job in TWO HOURS. Oh my goodness I am nervous. But I look good, and I am QUALIFIED. Right? RIGHT.
I am meeting with the VP and it is one and a half hours and I AM JUST A CHILD THIS IS TOO GROWN UP.
Also, for those who showed interest in the dinner party I mentioned last week, I took pictures!:
http://apartment1a.wordpress.com/2014/04/29/dinne…
Oh man all that food looks amazing.
You have been adult-equivalent since you were 12. Add them up; how many years is that? So much experience. Feel better?
You look great. You are not only qualified, you are better than they deserve and they will snatch you up in a heartbeat. If they don’t, it’s their loss and fuck ’em.
I see from the time-stamp that you are already at the interview, so I’ll just point out that you looked great and you were poised, intelligent, and charming. Good work, you.
So this week was GODAWFUL but I just found a new apartment (found out on Tuesday my current place is not renewing my lease because renovations! FUN) and that is about as productive a thing as I have in me for today.
Edit: one of this week’s highlights was getting to work late on Tuesday, opening my email and seeing a job rejection (THANK YOU FOR EMAILING THOUGH), and then realizing my underpants had a very large hole in the butt. And then I stayed at work for 12 hours.
Tomorrow morning I am leaving for a two week trip to Portugal! This will be the first vacation in our four years together that my husband won’t have to check in on his work garbage. Bring on the sun and wine and tiny delicious fish! (if you have last minute tips for things you loved in Lisbon or Porto please let me know!)
DO I?? We just went it is was SO GREAT. You will have an amazing time. We didn’t do anything too off the beaten tourist highlights. I will say, if you are going to Sintra it is worth going right when it opens. We walked around the Castelo Dos Mouros with like, two other people. And it was amazing. We bought a combo ticket there for that and Pena palace, so we didn’t have to wait in line at Pena (which had a decent line by late morning)
If you go to Belem and there are lines, you do not have to wait in the line twice if you get a combo ticket for the tower and the monastery, just skip the line at the second place. We had lunch on the patio of Darwin Cafe, overlooking the water/tower, a little fancier place, but beautiful and good food.
For Porto the best lunch view we had was on the top deck of Restaurant Casa D’Ouro, you are basically hanging over the river just past the bridge. The serve pizzas, or have a fancier italian place down stairs.
Of course I am a boring logistics person and this is what I think of telling you?? We were also over spring break, so things were a bit busier, but nothing was too bad. Maybe you won’t have lines anywhere.
Oh amazing! Casa D’Ouro was on my list!
How did you find the language? I have decent Spanish, so I am anticipating being confused.
Did you find any cool local shopping? I am a big clothes horse, and would love to find some hipboutiques.
Everyone spoke English, but again I wasn’t outside the city centers much. I speak decent Spanish, but only used it once when some Spanish tourists on the floor of my hotel were looking for a cafe. Reading Portuguese as a Spanish speaker, you should be able to catch the general gist of things. One quirky this is that “no” means “with,” if you happen to see that on a menu. “nรฃo” is “no” in Portuguese.
I didn’t do much shopping, but you should check out the buildings on Rua Dom Pedro across from Praรงa do Prรญncipe Real in Barrio Alto in Lisbon. There are two older buildings converted into a collection of mini shops, Embaixada is the name of one building, but there is another too. There are several more independent boutique-y stores on this street too. There is also a super cute coffee place on that street where you get nibbles of house made chocolate with your espresso, they have a bright yellow espresso machine, but I don’t remember the name.
And if you are up in Barrio Alto (we stayed here) make sure to check the view/grab a drink at the Jardim de Sรฃo Pedro de Alcรขntara.
I am writing these down! thank you!
Seconding Sintra (and Sintra cakes, which are a weakness of mine).
If someone tells you that the commuter ferry to the island across the river from Lisbon (?? can’t remember the name) is cheaper and more authentic than the tourist ferry…don’t believe them! It brings you to a rando bus station with no views!
And do your best to avoid spending 4 of your 36 hours in Lisbon in the Tourist Police Station ๐
Eat the pastries if you go to Belem. Since you know Spanish, it will be easy for you to pick up on Portuguese if you read through some basic tourist conversation suggestions ahead of time in a guidebook or whatever. Just tell everyone muito obrigada!
I am not having roommate problems, per say, but I have noticed just how goddamn uncomfortable I am fighting with them. I will do anything to avoid it. Whereas, with my parents and general family, I will rip into them with glee and vice versa. Before moving out, I would have categorized myself as someone who loves to fight. But now….. mysteryyyyy
Your family is safe. They will still be your family no matter how angry they might become. Roomies and other non-fam can drop you like a hot rock and never look back. That’s the difference.
YOU GUYS! Jane is doing Friday Bargain Bins again on her blog!!!! I miss Jane!! http://www.seejanemarie.com/friday-bargain-bin-no…
Oh, I need that whale serving stand.
YES and also the handbag.
AMAZING
Cry-happy! Every single semi-fashionable thing I own was reco’ed by Jane in one column or another and otherwise I just bumble through life in a pair of bell bottoms and a green v- neck shirt that are years old and make me look like shaggy from Scooby-Doo.
So, whenever I post something on the Toast, it always says “awaiting moderation”. And then I feel sad because I watch other posts appear and it’s like everyone else is talking and eating fine cheese and having a good time and I’m watching through the window shouting and wanting to come in and they just laugh and laugh and the camera zooms in on their mouths and you just see them laughing deafeningly with cheese crumbles all over their tongues.
And sometimes I wonder whether I’m doing something wrong, or if there’s a way to skip this step and earn the Toast’s trust. There isn’t an FAQ on posting or anything so I just wanted to ask here. I want cheese too!
Are you replying as a guest? I think that causes the moderation. If you register with intensedebate/wordpress, it should take that away.
Thanks! Hopefully this works…! :O
I think the first time you post as a registered intensedebate/wordpress person, you still get moderated, but after your first comment is approved (which yours is now!) you have Earned the Trust of the Toast and can post without being moderated. Except that Nicole, Mallory, and Nick can still modify your comments in any way they see fit.
I HAD A WEDDING. It was Sunday. It was great! I didn’t get nearly enough to eat, but it was beautiful and the weather turned out and it was extremely chill with plenty of food, an open bar, no dancing, and enough space and room for everyone to socialize.
I’m glad it’s over! I have spent all week recovering and starting the thank-you process! I do NOT want to write a thank-you note for the hideous punch bowl my boss gave me at a “shower” today. Guys, it’s so ugly. SO UGLY. And it has four matching miniature bowls to go with it. Satellite bowls. ALL HIDEOUS. (Can I sell this on kijiji?)
WHERE DO YOU EVEN KEEP A PUNCH BOWL
legit that is one of my concerns. We have a tiny kitchen and two cats. WHERE WILL IT LIVE?
At the nearest Goodwill, where you will donate it.
For ever, I assume, since I hope no one in their right mind would buy this thing and its four miniature uglyites.
Put a cushion in it and make it a cat bed?
The FANCIEST cat bed in all the land
We have a very old-fashioned-type punch bowl that we keep on the table in the front hall, and my dandy of a husband keeps it full of seasonal flowers, or Xmas cards, or what have you. But it’s not heinous to start with, just sweetly old-lady-ish. Still, unconventional display option could take the horrid edge off? Maybe plant some bulbs in the big bowl and one small bulb each in the little cup-ettes?
It was a regift, I’d bet.
Examining the evidence. 1. A battered-ish box with a suspiciously early-90s design. 2. A hideous pattern. 3. No gift receipt.
Either it’s a regift, or a new (horrid) purchase in an old box.
PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS
I want to but I don’t know how!!! How???
Do you mean how to insert the pic here? Upload your pic to any photo hosting site and then get the URL for the image. Once you have that, post it between the quotation marks of this tag: < img src=”” > but delete the spaces between the < img and “>.
So it would look like this without the extra spaces:
< img src=”http://url.of.pic” >
Well, darling, OF COURSE that punchbowl looks hideous. How could anything compare to your luminous beauty? Seriously, you look FANTASTIC.
Millions of blushes! You are very sweet, thank you.
Aw, you look fantastic and radiant (also, girl, your eyebrow game is TIGHT)!
Thank you! And threading: IT’S THE SHIT.
Ahhh the lil sleeves are so cute! And the pearls! Aahh! And of course, the smile ๐
Thank you!!! The pearls are my mom’s, a long-ago gift from my dad, so they were my something old AND something borrowed.
This is exactly what an Aravis the Queen should look like. Please carry on being perfect.
Thank you! In my imagination I could look like that always.
You look gorgeous! I kinda wanted a pic of the punch bowl also? Just me?
I scrolled down through this picture thinking/hoping that she would be holding a punch bowl. ALAS.
Thank you!
If I had a picture of the punchbowl uploaded somewhere I would DEFINITELY post it. It’s so fucking awful.
Congratulations! You look absolutely wonderful. As for the bowl…decorative decoupaging?
Thank you!!!
I’m thinking “fancy cat bed” myself.
This weekend is going to be beautiful, so it is FLOWER WEEKEND. Tomorrow I’m going to the National Cathedral’s Flower Mart, and then on Sunday I’m going to see the azaleas at the National Arboretum, and oh gosh I love flowers and gardens and springtime and I’m so excited! (And also I’m on Allegra, so pollen is not a problem, thank goodness.)
That sounds amaaaazzing!! Have fun!!
Yay the National Arboretum!!! I haven’t missed too much about DC, but I have missed that.
Ohhh, I miss DC so much! Both of those places are amazing. Sounds like you’ve got an excellent weekend ahead!
AHHH I got back here late and I don’t know if anyone is going to see this, but I just got the final offer for my new job, and they gave me the salary I asked for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just signed and submitted the letter! I am out of here in TWO WEEKS and I cannot wait! So much happiness right now ๐
AAAAH, congratulations! Excellent A+ job on negotiating a salary (and getting it!) and on being able to get the hell out of where you are now!
Congrats!
Yay! Congratulations!
Hurrah!
Woo!!!
Congratulations!!!!!
Yip yip yip!! Hooray!!! And there was much rejoicing.
Starting a summer job/baby’s first library job at a Fancypants Library on Monday! I look forward to having ridiculous stories to tell.
Congratulations! I hope you end up with a zillion great stories ๐
Congratulations! You’ll have to tell us all your stories. And academic librarianship is pretty awesome, hold on to that goal.
It’s kind of quiet, but my favorite ridiculous story library blog is The Society for Librarians Who Say Motherfucker http://library-mofo.livejournal.com/
Seattle! I’m going there for the national museum association conference in two weeks, then staying and exploring for four more days. Does anyone have fun, hip, quirky Seattle recommendations for me? I’m especially looking for delicious and relatively cheap food, good places to bike, and the things that make Seattle what it is.
I wish I could list a great many awesome things, but I like…barely leave my apartment.
The Fremont troll, Theo chocolate factory, Seattle underground tour, Olympic sculpture park or Gasworks park, Univ of Washington outdoor rec center lets you rent canoes/kayaks for lake Union, Smith Tower is a cheaper alternative to the Space Needle, Seattle Central Library, Pike Place Market is a tourist trap but can still be fun and is close to the waterfront. I’m not very familiar with restaurants.
Thank you! This all sounds great. We’re definitely doing the Olympic sculpture park and Pike Place Market, and I’ll check out your other recs!
How relatively cheap are we talking? Eliott’s Oyster House has a progressive oyster happy hour Monday-Friday that I always heard good things about but never got to. Lola or Rub With Love are two Tom Douglas restaurants that normal people can afford to eat at (both good). I have very fond memories of Jhanjay Vegetarian Thai in Wallingford. Pam’s Kitchen (Trinidad/ Carribean food, get the jerk chicken sandwhich) in the University District is amazing (the farmer’s market across the street on Saturdays is also pretty good). Chinese food in Seattle is seemingly universally agreed to be not as good as Vancouver, but Jade Garden in the international district is a decent bet for DIm Sum, and according to my stepmother Chiang’s Gourmet in Maple Leaf makes dishes she’s never found outside of Beijing.
Biking- the Burke-Goodman trail is the bicycle highway of Seattle, and it runs past Gasworks Park, so that’s a two for one there. Bike rentals are pretty easy to come by at a variety of stores the internet can probably point you towards.
If you make it up to UW, the Suzzalo Library’s reading room is beautiful. UW’s greenhouses (also right off the Burke-Gilman trail) are open to the public if you like looking at plants.
Technically the King County bus system has a route that runs up to Snolqualmie Falls if you’re a Twin Peaks fan. The One Bus Away app helps on the bus front .
Other things- the aquarium is spendy, but if you go, definitely plan your trip around the otter feeding times, which are amazing. The Woodland Park Zoo is also pretty good, although it will be a nightmare if you’re there on a sunny weekend- weekdays or gloomy weather should be fine, though.
As a postscript to the novel I’ve written, if you know what neighborhoods you’re most interested in spending time in, I can definitely solicit more food suggestions as we still have friends in Seattle who love food at least as much as we do.
Um, a progressive oyster happy hour?! That sounds more than amazing. Relatively cheap = dinner entrees in the $10s and lower $20s. I’ve heard a rumor about a happy hour tracking app too?
Otter feeding times! I think we talked about the aquarium, but I’m not sure.
We’re staying at an airbnb in Capitol Hill, so quirky fun recommendations for there-ish are very much appreciated! And I want to spend as much time as possible in Fremont and Ballard too.
Capitol Hill- if you like indie bookstores, Elliott Bay Books moved their store there recently and it’s lovely. I’m not as useful on food there since Capitol Hill is basically the most difficult neighborhood to get to via transit from where I used to live, but Elysian Brewing Co has a taproom there, and I love their Belgian Tripel.
Fremont- definitely Paseo (word of mouth, not a personal rec.). 9 Million in Unmarked Bills has great happy hour deals. Revel is a little on the pricier side but is a great group dinner spot.
Ballard- We did a blow your budget meal at the Walrus & the Carpenter which was amazing but $$$s. I don’t have a lot of other recommendations, but I’ll ask around. If you head north, you can hit Golden Gardens park, which is a great place to hang out if you want to spend some time along the sound.
If you’re doing an AirBnB, then I’d totally recommend planning one meal where you do your shopping at Pike Place Market and then cook at home, especially if you like seafood. The prices aren’t particularly marked up on the food (wouldn’t say the same for the crafts), and you can find some awesome stuff. There’s even a spice store that does spices by weight if the kitchen you’re renting isn’t well stocked.
If you try the Elliot’s Oyster Happy hour, it’s ONLY available in the bar and if you don’t show up when (or before, ideally) it’s just starting you’ll never get a seat. The rest of the menu at Elliot’s isn’t really worth it, so I’d plan on going somewhere else later for dinner.
A friend of mine got married at the Seattle Aquarium, and in between the ceremony and the reception, we all went out to watch an otter feeding. It was pretty much The Best.
Late to the party as per usual, but never mind:
You’re coming to my city AND my neighborhood, which is self evidently the best neighborhood (or at least the one that is most European but NOT Scandinavian — not that there is anything wrong with Ballard). We also have the ideal mix of hipsters and drag queens (and fantastic people watching).
CHS does a great job of covering the new and up and coming: http://www.capitolhillseattle.com/archive/food-dr…
But I want to call out some of my favorites in the cheap and delicious category. (You will notice a bent towards tacos.)
Marination Station got its start as a food cart specializing in Korean/Hawaiian tacos. Marination has since opened a couple of store front locations. If you have time go downtown, take the water taxi to West Seattle, and eat at their location by the dock. If you don’t have the time for sea voyages, come here: http://marinationmobile.com/station. Its all good, but my favorites are the kalua pork sliders and the kalbi beef tacos. Wash them down with a Rachel’s ginger beer. Rachel’s is a local brand that is fantastic and showing up all over the place in the cool kids’ cocktails. (Rachel’s has a restaurant over by Pike Place Market which I haven’t been too yet.)
Fogรณn! My current favorite place for Mexican food and margaritas. http://www.fogonseattle.com/ They serve the margaritas in cocktail shakers and they are the best. Except for all the good tacos and the homemade tortillas. And the enchiladas verdes. And oh! just go!
Machiavelli’s — an old warhorse on Pine. Does not serve tacos. Does serve incredibly good Italian food to make up for the lack of tacos. And it’s cheap by Italian restaurant standards. http://machiavellis.com/
Absolutely dirt cheap: Hot Mama’s — got me through design school. http://www.hot-mamaspizza.com/ Buying by the slice is cheaper than ordering an entire pie, but either way, sooooo good.
Back to tacos: Cha Cha’s Lounge / Bimbo’s Cantina. http://www.chachalounge.com/seattle/about.php
But really you could walk around the Pike and Pine corridor and have zillions of good options.
Words on parking and getting around. There is almost no parking on Capitol Hill. If your accomodations don’t come with a parking space, think about not renting a car. The Hill has lots of good transit options for downtown and the U-district. Getting west on the north side of the canal is always a little annoying on transit. The upside is that you don’t have to deal with the wretched (but less wretched than Capitol Hill) parking situation in Ballard and Fremont.
Another teen dirtbag sighting, this time too beautiful to be real: a few hundred of them entering an 11am performance of Hamlet yesterday.
One particularly greasy fellow with a half ponytail stopped right about where I was standing to turn to his fellow dirtbags and say, “Hey guys, what’s Hamlet? [patented stoner giggle] What’s Hamlet, guys?”
I DIE.
OH MY GOD
BOSTON TOASTIES! If you wear plus sizes and enjoy scoring awesome clothes for cheap, may I encourage you to check out THE BIG THRIFTY, a one-day-only plus size thrifting event! It is out in Malden this year, but they are running a shuttle to and from Wellington station. The woman who runs it is awesome, and I have had exceptionally good luck finding super cute clothes, and nothing is more than $20. Last year we had WEDDING DRESSES.
Also tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day and I’m also gonna hit up the fancy donut shop across the street from my comic store. TOMORROW IS GONNA ROCK.
Ok, inspired by the Toast Twitter comment upthread, I’m looking for more Toasties to follow on Tumblr! I’m Dots & Foxes and I mostly post about science fiction and feminism and Toast links, so if anyone is up for making #spacewitch happen on Tumblr, I am totally up for it.
My personal is bisexualpiratequeen, and it’s a mixed bag of bisexuality, feminism, cats, corsets, jokes and fannishness.
Personal tumblr is Elsajeni, mostly full of cats, fandom, and dumb jokes. Fanfic tumblr is Meressel, mostly full of Tolkienverse fic although maybe also some Captain America if I can ever think of a title.
hello! my personal tumblr is hepatosaurus, and it’s mostly a mix of art, fannishness, soccer, science/nature stuff, and I juuuust ended a poem-a-day thing for national poetry month.
My tumblr is http://bestgoddamndancer.tumblr.com/ which is feelings and pictures of pretty things and politics and the gay and stuff about education.
I am martiniglass and post a grab bag of pretty stuff, feministy stuff, and the occasional good-looking man.
eta can anyone click that link? it keeps directing me back to the Toast and I am not sure why, regardless my Tumblr url is just “martiniglass.”
I think maybe the problem is you didn’t put the “http://” at the start of the link?
Ooof too late to edit now but you are probably right; too used to never typing it in any broswer bar
saturdaypaper here.
Uh, mostly tv gifs?
My tumblr is http://amyofdoom.tumblr.com/ and it’s cats, feminism, random tv (mostly sci fi), comics/super heroes, library stuff, etc
Hooray! I’m turmericandthyme , generally fandom, feminism, cats, gays, plants, and general absurdity.
I’m at acciomjollnir, where I mostly reblog things I find pretty. I sometimes spend days at a time in the Chris Hemsworth tag, if that’s a thing you’re interested in seeing.
Omg I’ve been following you forever hiiii
Good idea! I’m Is It Emily or Elsa? โฆ Yes, and I’m always looking for more varied tumblrs to follow.
Mine’s jessenigma. It’s mostly fandom-y things and pretty pictures and whatnot.
More Toasties please!
I am http://needsmorekittens.tumblr.com – mostly comics and feminism, some sports.
Late to the game (relatively), but I am kellyzen.tumblr.com. A lot of dogs, recently some Hannibal, and a lot of comedy stuff. And feminism stuff too. Will be scouring this thread for new follows! I love tumblr.
I am so coming back to this thread tonight and following all of you.
I myself am http://bumbleblu.tumblr.com (varied bits of photography, feminism, dumb humor, etc.) and I recently started a Sherlock-obsessed blog at http://googlestrade.tumblr.com.
Yes! I’m also heartstillatwar on tumblr (http://heartstillatwar.tumblr.com/) and I just post whatever suits my fancy, which is mostly Captain America at the moment…
So, I wasn’t working at one of my jobs for a couple of days this week. On
the first of those days, they hastily announced a meeting for the following day, at the meeting, the partners who own the business announced that they are splitting up, and we all (independent contractors) have two weeks to choose whether we go with Boss A or Boss B.
Is it going to be like a tv sitcom divorce, where they put a tape line down the middle of the business and refuse to cross it?
One week from today I will be sitting somewhere (hopefully with a drink) and a Master’s Degree. I am in a weird place about it. On the one hand I kinda don’t know where two years went, and it has been a fucking helluva two years (the fact I’m graduating on time is a minor milagro.) So.
I am also now obsessed with informal housing in the global south, which I should’ve been studying all the fuck along, but so it goes.
OH AND Chicago Toast folx, if you are riding your bike this summer, I’m going to pitch you Bike the Drive because I have to volunteer manage it and I am once again grouchy as sin I have to go spend the early morning yelling at people on the North Side to BEHAVE, goddamnit.
I’d really like to sign up for Bike the Drive but am oddly freaked out by it. It feels like wanting to play with the big kids. I’m an okay cyclist for commuting, but that’s about itโฆ
oh do it! It is definitely one of the easier ways to experiment biking in the city and the views are literally beyond belief. Plus it is the number one fundraiser for ATA and they do great wok. They are also taking volunteers, so. I’m sure you are welcome—there are so many people who never ride bikes I’m keeping an eye on, so if you commute, you are A++++. And t-shirts? I’m not sure, ha. I
Feeling ambivalent about marriage and decided to start drawing a comic called “Bad Wife.” Basically, Marmaduke with a giant feral lady (really giant, like bigger than humans can be) named Lisa and terrible punch lines. “Lisa, couches aren’t SNACK FOOD!” My partner and marrier-er thinks this is hilarious which makes me feel unambiguous about HIM so that’s really good.
Care to share? I’d love to see said comic!
Aww that is too kind but I haven’t drawn anything for years and years so this is mostly a very insane looking exercise in personal-demons, but maybe if I keep doing it and can remember how to make bodies look like bodies, I will post something sometime.
I am very anti-marriage (for me! for others who wanna, that’s great) and my beloved occasionally brings this up in random conversations with people. For example, just this morning our exterminator was spraying the kitchen before I left for work. He asked “Now are you and (the guy) married?” I laughed and said “No. No, we aren’t,” and I heard a voice call down from the upstairs bathroom “AND WHY DON’T YOU TELL HIM WHY THAT IS.” Exterminator guy looked at me so I rolled my eyes and admitted “Commitment issues.”
So yeah, I FEEL YOU HONEY. I feel you.
HAHAHAHAAHA! Magnificent.
I had to stifle a snort and chuckle at my desk at work whilst reading the premise of this comic. IT SOUNDS PERFECT AND HILARIOUS. Please let us know if you ever put one up!
I’ve been in a cast for a week after my tendon transfer and I’m tired of it. So itchy. But I’m looking forward to being able to move my foot and walk without a brace. Can we fast forward through the next 6 weeks?
Boston Toast folk: a reminder that the very wonderful Roxane Gay will be at Brookline Booksmith at 7 on Monday to start(!) the tour for her novel, “Untamed State” (as opposed to her book of essays “Bad Feminist” which comes out in August). Some of us are planning on meeting up at the reading: details are at the Toastpin group (which you have to join to see) at https://www.facebook.com/groups/491140164297275/p… Get there early!
Friends! Medical advice question: Do you have any advice on how to find a doctor who won’t automatically blame every medical concern or question you might have on your weight? She’s sent me on so many tests and blood-draws and ultrasounds and everything has come back fine. It might be a factor, yes, but all of my work-based stress and social anxiety and injuring my back when slipping on the ice shouldn’t automatically be blamed on a number on a scale and I’ve paid her SO MUCH MONEY just to tell me what the mirror could, but I have no idea how to look for someone else since all the internet seems to tell me is the location of where doctors offices are, but not how the doctors actually are to deal with.
Not sure-fire, but I have better luck at women’s clinics. Also ask for recommendations at places like Planned Parenthood. They know all the feminist docs in the area.
You are not getting proper medical care, which includes respect. I trust you not to put up with that shit. Good luck finding a better doc. I know it’s not easy.
I don’t have a lot advice for finding a better doctor (as I don’t have a GP myself, bad adult, bad) but please go to someone, anyone else. The bottom line is she’s not listening to you. My mother went through this. She had thyroid cancer several years ago and thus has had some hormone/cortisol issues since then, and she went to place after place being told that it was all in her head, and all she needed to do was eat right and exercise. My mother weighs 120 POUNDS. She has OCD, and exercise is one of her compulsions. I suspect she has an eating disorder, and her doctors weren’t even looking at her. Now they’re telling her she has high cholesterol, so she should stop eating red meat. She is a damn vegetarian.
It’s not you, it’s them. Please talk to your friends, coworkers, anybody, and she who they recommend locally. I think Yelp sometimes has reviews for businesses, doctor’s offices, etc. too? Good luck.
I am back from vacation (Vegas girls trip that was awesome!) and the prior two weeks consisted of a grueling work project. But today my boss and coworker took me out to lunch and gave me a gift card for shoes as a belated admin appreciation day! But now I am looking forward to resuming my normal internet slacking activities.
My three week old daughter is a ravenous pig. She has eaten almost constantly today, from 8:30am to 1:30pm, with a few 30 minute breaks in between. I had just enough time to get a shower before she started screaming again, but that did not include time to get dry or dressed.
When parents say, “My child is my whole world!” do they really mean, “Because I don’t have time to do anything else at all ever?”
Oh no, she’s crying again.
I feel your pain and I can assure you that it *really does get better*. Which I know doesn’t help in the moment because when my daughter (who is now 4 1/2) was like this, I was sure it would never ever ever get any better no matter how many internet people told me it would. But it does! I hope you can read or watch movies or listen to music or /something/ while you are feeding her?
JINX
We need an “It Gets Better” campaign for new parents. I am here to tell you, that it will get better.
Until then, I give you permission to use this as an excuse to get out of doing anything else. “Sorry, can’t do the dishes, baby needs me”. Plus, I basically binge watched all of Buffy and Stargate while breastfeeding my older daughter. : )
But WHEN does it get better?
I’m up to season 3 of House on Netflix. ๐
It gets better when biology considers it safe for you to again procreate. Until then your baby’s constant neediness works as a contraceptive.
I would say at 3-4 months they start eating solid food so they sleep longer.
I think it really gets better once they are potty trained at around 3. They go from a baby needing you for everything to small person who can take care of themselves a bit.
I had a trick whenever it seemed that some stage would never end. I would just say to myself that this is obviously going to end at some point because I can’t imagine said daughter going off to college like this. For example: I will get her potty trained because she will not be going off to college in diapers.
Every impossible thing that your kids do passes. This is both good and bad news; it is good because if you can’t figure out how to ‘fix’ it (and lots of it you can’t!), you can take some comfort in the fact that it passes. This is bad news because occasionally you *can* figure out how to change it and that is a great great feeling… but then it passes. ๐
More specifically she is probably having a 3-week growth spurt and it’ll calm down in a couple of days. Are you nursing? If not, is there anyone else you can make feed her? If so, yes, your job now is Feed Baby and you do not have to do anything else ever, and I hope your partner(s)/family members are supporting you in that!
I am nursing, although occasionally I supplement with an ounce or so of formula because OMG I JUST FED YOU THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE.
My husband was able to stay home with us the first two weeks, which helped tremendously, but I am flailing a bit on my own. He has been pretty good about entertaining her some in the evening so I can have a nap or just be sane for a little while though.
I am glad he is good about it because she’s his daughter too, after all!
I know it is really rough, I have been there, and I also know that does not necessarily help in the moment.ย It is really hard making that transition into solo parenting even when the partner comes back at the end of the day and helps out.ย When she hits 6 weeks she should start consolidating night sleep and go to bed for the night earlier (much, much, much earlier) and that will help hugely, but for the moment just pamper the heck out of yourself!ย *This is the time* for that John Cusack marathon you have always promised yourself.ย (Or whatever, the inside of my head is awfully stuck in the 80s sometimes…)
Cheering you on!
You’re in the thick of it now! It seems like the first few weeks take years, but it will get gradually better and better, promise. I remember that things seemed to ease off every couple weeks. Four weeks was easier than 2 weeks, and at 6 weeks, things improved a lot. Newborns are just hot messes.
This probably sounds insane to you at this point, but at around 6 months, I started to be like, “o-KAY, maybe I will consider having another one” – that’s how quick you can bounce back from the total exhaustion and newborn haze. Once you start getting more sleep again and the baby’s eating patterns stabilize, you’ll be able to look back and realize that you’re a badass who got through this part.
You’re doing a great job. I have nothing more useful to add than that.
I’ve been wondering if you delivered yet–yea for a new baby, even if she’s a ravenous pig. Hope your tender boobs are holding up!!! My best friend swears by lanolin for chafing, plus tons of water for production (also maybe fenugreek and the like?). But mostly congrats and hang in there!!!
I feel like I’ve found my Thing that combines all my interests into one nice neat little sum-up-able package. The Thing is the intersection of textiles and technology – the paradigm shifts of digital weaving and knitting machines, how technological tools empower creators, the way globalized media has revitalised (some) crafts (in some places) and expanded their reach. And other stuff, I’m still working on it.
I’m a nerdy crafter who works in fashion e-commerce. It’s a wee bit silly that i have not realised until now that this is my Thing.
Oooh, that sounds really interesting. Do you have any plans to write anything about your knowledge/research? I’m a newbie crafter, and I’d love to hear more!!!
It’s barely knowledge yet, but I’m happy someone else sees the awesomeness! I want to try to find some more resources on it and Think more about it (instead of clicking mindlessly through Ravelry for things I will never have time to knit), and maybe sometime in the future I will have enough knowledge to begin to think about sharing it.
What are your crafts of choice? I mostly knit (but never to completion) and have in the past done some dressmaking (<3 u dressmaking, wish you combined better with tv watching) and embroidery. I’m just beginning to dip my toes into designing my own knitting instead of following patterns.
I sew, kinda, got back into it last year, but not right now as don’t have a sewing machine. I cross stitch and embroider, and learnt to knit at the start of this year. I really enjoy making stuff with my hands, but I’m not brilliant at it – I mean I’m ok, but still clearly learning, well apart from cross stitch, but the learning curve is not great there. I’m really looking forward to having a steady base, and having crafting space and crafty friends and really getting in to learning how to do things WELL.
I look forward to hearing more as you explore more!
(For some reason I can’t see the pics in the post you linked to, I’ll work on that ’cause it sounds very cool)
I’d say you shouldn’t knock cross stitch, my mum used to be quite an avid cross stitcher and it takes that same slow deliberate work as the rest of the textile crafts. It’s a real privilege living in a house decorated with beautiful embroidery.
I think everything you create is better than not creating. I’ve been so happy since I started getting deeper into textile crafts and started putting creative energy into my everyday life
Oh, no, I didn’t mean to knock cross stitch, I love it. I’ve got a couple of projects on the go at the moment actually. That embroidery sampler is really cool. One of the things I love about textile crafts is how well they survive – people often have samplers or cushions or hangings from their mothers, friends, grandmothers or great grandmothers. It’s a very tangible link to other people’s lives.
Plus, I can’t draw to save myself. Fibre art gives me a way to make pretty things regardless!
Also, here is an embroidery sampler I found among my grandmothers things that I thought could make a really great modern piece.
http://s28.postimg.org/t72vxf9bx/image.jpg (I tried doing an embedded image but my ipad isn’t playing ball)
Having said that, here’s a project I loved http://www.fashioningtech.com/profiles/blogs/glit…
Purposefully corrupted code produces awesome knitwear.
Very cool! If your Thing becomes a Writing Thing I would love to hear more about it.
I’ve just sent in my thirteenth job application for an editorial internship this summer, and boy are my arms tired.
But for serious, though, I want to keep working instead of taking a break between semesters this summer! Is anyone else a slight Liz Lemon-flavored workaholic type? I’ve found the thing I’m good at and I just want to do it forever and keep doing it and not take long breaks because long breaks make me crazier than I actually am.
So: any fun workaholic stories? Alternatively, share something you’re hoping for! I’m hoping for an editorial internship with a trade house that specializes in middle grade/YA literature.
We’ve talked about having a personal finance/financial independence thread here before and the inclusion of The Billfold in this morning’s round up confirmed my feelings. LET US MAKE IT SO. Here are some money related thoughts from me:
This week I brought my lunch to work Every Day, which is usually very hard for me. I want this to be my New Normal because the lunch around here isn’t even that good and I would rather spend the money paying of debt or doing something I actively enjoy.
My proximate goal has been to hoard a bunch of money until I’m off probation in a month and then use that money to pay down/off my smallest student loan. Perkins loan must die by June 30th!
My brother is graduating from college in a week and I’m trying to find a way to give him good financial advice that IS NOT giving him a book. I have given him so many books. He does not read them. Ideas? I’m also just going to give him cash for graduation, even though I hate doing that, because that is what he actually wants.
Longer term goals: Pay off my $48k in outstanding student debt by the time we inaugurate a new president in 2017 (this will be hard on my current salary) so I can be unencumbered to evaluate if I want to stay in DC at that point and if I do what kind of salary I could live on.
Congrats on everyday lunches! I am TRYING because I waste so much money going out to eat, but damn if it’s not hard for me to get in the habit. 3/5 this week!
Go with Brother to his bank. Open a new savings account in his name with your gift of seed money. Then walk him through setting up an automatic monthly transfer from his checking to his new savings account.
For your brother: I’m really fond of the YNAB budgeting software, and they do sell gift cards for it, but it’s kind of expensive if you aren’t sure that he’d use it. Also, if you got him to sign up for it this week, he could use it for free until the end of 2014 anyways. They do a bunch of video-based online classes, which might be helpful for a non-book-reader, but only if he’s interested enough to sign up for them.
Also, congratulations on the lunch-taking! I managed 4.5 days this week, which was more than many weeks.
I was just gonna recommend YNAB. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY — something about compartmentalizing savings and spending goals makes so much more sense to me than just looking at my checking/savings balance and figuring out where I really stand. I can’t recommend it enough. I recouped my $60 purchase in savings within, like, the first week.
They also have a fabulously helpful/friendly forum, if anyone’s interested.
Oh, yeah, the forum is great.
highjump, one option might be to try YNAB yourself, and then when you talk to your brother you could be all “oh, I’m doing this new budget thing, here’s why it’s awesome, I wish I’d done it when I was your age.”
Actually, you could do that for any financial stuff that is going well for you.
Yes yes I’m a new convert to YNAB too! It’s so incredibly helpful. It took financially inept me a while to get the swing of it, but it’s making perfect sense now and helping me make WAY better decisions. The video tutorials (not the classes) were good enough to get me started. And the forums are great.
Hurray! You CAN get rid of that debt!
My goal is to get rid of my $81k outstanding debt before the end of 2019. THE RACE IS ON. Eek.
Congratsssssssss! Please keep this going while I am away for the next two weeks, because I think it is a great idea.
Because I am on vacation, my short term goal is “relax and have fun”. My husband and I have already saved for and paid off most of the vacation costs, and I hoarded some shopping/fun money too.
Our longer term goals are in flux, as he’s recently accepted and started a temp government contract at a 40% paycut. Generally our goal has been “save all of the money”, mostly into the markets and RRSPs, so we’re trying to up cash savings in case the worst should happen.
I got approved to move! Woo! It’s happening next Saturday!
But, I do have a question, because everyone we talk to seems to be confused about the order we are doing things.
We decided to have a month overlap of the two places (May), so we did not give notice that we were leaving until the beginning of May. This sent up a flag for the background check that we had not given notice so we still had an obligation to the old place. We got that straightened out (gave notice). THEN, the new place was confused that we did not show up to move in on May 1, and rents are higher with a move in date of May 10 (our actual move date), but we were going to come sign the paperwork May 3. That all got straightened out by just telling the new place what our prior conversation with them had been (one person handled our deposit/application, the other person was the one to actually move us in.)
So, are we doing this all wrong? Does no one have a month of overlap between rentals? Or even a couple of weeks? Like, we did this to have the move be less stressful, but this is pretty stressful, being second-guessed at every turn.
I feel like having a month overlap would be standard, if people could swing it financially? I would certainly go for that if I could. Maybe it’s usually more like a couple weeks, like it would be if you’d had a move-in date of May 10 & left your old place on May 31, but it’s weird to me that they would be so baffled about it.
I did the month overlap for my most recent (in-town) move and was glad I did. But I don’t think it’s THAT uncommon that they should be that confused about it.
Heck, we did two weeks, and our new place was totally cool with it. “So, would the lease starting on the 20th work for you? Okay, we’ll set that up.” Smooth, easy, no problem. The language in both leases about taking occupancy/ not giving up occupancy and the consequences thereof made me a little uncomfortable, but everyone confirmed in email that it wasn’t a big deal and nobody made it a big deal, so that was fine.
On the other hand, we’d had our notice in for almost a month at that point since our last place had 60 days notice- which, why that is even legal I don’t know. Insane.
So my wife and I have been hemming and hawing over whether we want to move in June or August to the town where I’ll be going to school. We were really only considering staying in Seattle through the summer because my little brother was planning to move back and I wanted to be able hang out.
Then on Tuesday night he — my baby brother and best friend — told me that he’s joining the Navy and expects to be sent to boot camp as early as July. Wednesday I gave my notice at work and yesterday we sent off a signed lease and deposit for a wee little house. We’re moving in a month (oh my god) and despite being 0% prepared beyond having somewhere to live when we get there, I’m feeling good. We’ll be three hours from my family, so I’ll be able to see my brother some before he leaves.
It feels totally crazy and impulsive, but everything sort of fell together right when it needed to. Love it when that happens.
Congratulations! I really need our moving/work plans to fall in line before our lease is up in August. I’m just trying not to think about it. Good luck on your move!
Thank you! Here’s hoping everything works out like it ought to for you!!
WARNING: WORK BITCHFEST AHEAD
I’m in charge of a hard, recurring project at work. Honestly, I’m proud of how I’ve taken it over and turned it from a absolute clusterfuck where people were screaming at each other in the hallways to a calm, easily done task. But it’s a big group project, and as such everyone has a say in it, and therefore nobody is completely happy, and they all complain to me to try to get it done their way. I scrambled all this week to get files in from a jillion different places and worked very carefully this morning to read through the whole 200-page document before sending it out for edits. Just got an email back from my boss saying “I found a lot of problems”. No “thanks for doing this”, no “hey most of this looks good” (which it does- we produce good stuff and multiple people have remarked on it), and all of the problems she found are minor, first draft things, like changes to headers and as-of dates. I am dreaming of writing back to say “then you fuckin’ do it and deal with the shit”. (I won’t. I’m just dreaming about it.)
Most of the time I really like my job, but this is not one of those times. ::grumbles, turns up Lil Jon::
ETA: I’m also a little pissed at myself, because I’m thinking “hey, dumbass, why didn’t you spot all the tiny little details she did? Aren’t you even paying attention?! This is your JOB, do it RIGHT.” Fuck off, perfectionist anxiety.
Ughhhh I feel you – I frequently get emails that are someone saying “THIS IS TERRIBLE” and it turns out they made like 2 dumb minor changes to the thing in question. FUUUU
::reading notes:: are…are we seriously having an argument about capitalization in a table. We are. Huh. ‘scuse me, I’m going to need a fuckton of booze to continue.
I moved on Monday! Currently in witness protection in Sonoma County (not really, but I have a meth-head cousin here who I have to avoid) and trying to figure out where to settle for good. Tomorrow is California Bookstore Day, Sunday there’s a free college open house my aunt (from whom I’m renting a room)and I might go to, and Monday I should have a piece appearing on/at The hyphen Toast dot net! I sometimes say it without meaning it, but truly: Life is good. Now someone tell me where to live.
Solidarity in avoiding addict cousins. Fortunately, mine are not too bright. It really wouldn’t be too hard to find me if they could follow a line of logic for more than 5 seconds.
I remember mine biting into a rock-hard piece of cheesecake and saying to his friend, “It seems like it would taste better thawed out, but the box says ‘keep frozen.” So, yeah, not losing too much sleep about it here.
Keep frozen. Wow.
Welcome to Sonoma County! I’m at the north end but pretty familiar with the entire kit and caboodle if you’d like any advice or recommendations about stuff to do/places to eat/etc. (This is my first comment on The Toast!)
Your username makes me question the veracity of your reply, but thank you just the same! I grew up in Cazadero (my biological makeup is 65% mold) but am in the big city at present, trying to relearn directions to things I used to find effortlessly. Knowing there are at least three Toasties in the county makes my day, so thanks for saying hi!
Username is my twitter username which related to my (now-defunct) blog. I used to go to summer camp in Cazadero. ๐
I just got an e-mail from a guy confirming that I can pick up a washtub bass on Sunday and realized that MAN I was drunk after softball practice on Wednesday. So I guess I’m getting a free washtub bass and also should remind myself not to check Craigslist drunk.
everything about this is amazing.
I want to drink with you. I suspect adventures abound.
You are my hero.
I am being crotchety today even though it is a warm and (kinda) sunny Friday here in NYC for the following reasons: 1. My bff encouraged me to buy Wye Oak tickets for next week in JANUARY and then decided as of yesterday that she “couldn’t go” because she is volunteering at an event and needs the money. Maybe I need the money I spent on that ticket, grumble grumble. And also, none of my other friends will come with.
2. My ex-hookup current friend just told me he is in an open relationship with his GF along with sending me “let’s hook up” winky faced texts followed by “I’m just kidding” . And I want to tell BFF about this but now we are in a stupid fight over stupid concert thing and she is much better at ignoring than I am and I will be the one to cave.
3. I am broke (again) and have to ask my mom for money to pay my rent.
To try and inject some positivity in here….I am going to a party tomorrow where there will be (free) margaritas and I am going to see chvrches on sunday, yay!
Tell me of your weekly ups and downs!
My sister’s in the hospital having a baby!
So because everyone else is with her at the hospital and I was off work before noon, I picked up my nephew from school today so he can hang out with me and the household Netflix subscription until his baby sister shows up. Man, I deserve a freaking medal for successfully navigating the confusing ways of the elementary school pickup procedure. Back in MY day, I rode the school bus, but it seems that kids today in this school district mostly get driven by their parents or grandparents or long-suffering aunts. And these parents/grandparents/long-suffering aunts have nothing better to do than queue outside the school half an hour before dismissal, since I was ages back in the line when I got there 10 minutes before. Wouldn’t it be easier to just retrieve Junior from the school bus stop? I just don’t understand.
But anyway, if everyone could send best wishes to my sister, it would be much appreciated.
Sending good vibes to Sis and Baby and also to Long-Suffering Auntie on babysitting duty. ๐
Congratulations and best wishes to your sister!
I agree about the bus thing. When I was a kid though I thought my mom was awful for making me ride it.
I always figured if you needed to pick up your kid… couldn’t you meet them like two blocks away? Depends how old they are but I mean BACK IN MY DAY people let their kids walk home from school too.
I will say this about the walking home thing — when I was in middle school, I used to walk home most days because the school was like half a mile away down some not terribly busy streets. Most of the kids in my neighborhood walked home too. Now, nearly 20 years on, the kids in that neighborhood still walk home, which warms my cold unsympathetic heart a bit. Their parents probably still feel the need to go pick up their elementary school aged siblings, but at least the middle schoolers have some freedom.
Baby may well be here by now–hope labor was easy and all are resting well now!!! And kudos for being a great aunt; I can only hope our sibs will be so helpful / supportive, given the opportunity.
I’ve had what might actually be the worst week of my recent life this week but I sat with my boss and she gave me the go-ahead to take a mental health vacation so I took Monday and Tuesday next week off and now I’m at home sitting on the internet and just crying my face off at happy videos on the internet because I just… it’s just kind of what I need right now.
Anyway, this one is my favorite: marines watching Frozen.
Yay for bosses who sit and listen and understand the importance of a mental health break. Also yay for videos and YouTube! Hope you feel better! (I may need my own soon.)
It gets better, Scandy, hang in there.
Finished my last final for my Master’s degree and now I am having a margarita and I just wanted to share. I might just keep drinking until I figure out whats next.
CONGRATS
Any legal Toasties want to talk about appearing in court? Particularly, are you a “can’t eat, I’m on my feet today” or a “EAT ALL THE FOOD I’M ON MY FEET TODAY” type?
When I’m in court, and particularly when I’m actually the one giving submissions, I get so wildly hungry and thirsty, and have to eat tons. I’m also a nervous pee-er. I think my metabolism just ramps right up as a response to the fight-or-flight hormones.
Technies! People with tablets! I need your help!
I just got a seven-inch Android tablet, and I love it, but I am having trouble typing on it. The little keyboard that pops up onscreen obscures the document I’m trying to work on. I am thinking a mini, portable external keyboard would be the solution. Does anyone have a recommendation for one? Also will the pop-up keyboard disappear if I start using an external keyboard? Because damn, I’m sick of that little thing when I’m trying to write a grant proposal!
I’ve only used portable keyboards with phones, but in my experience, yes, the on-screen keyboard will disappear.
I have this keyboard, but I can only half-heartedly recommend it. Unless I type very carefully, it doesn’t recognize every key press, but sometimes it puts in a letter two or three times for one key press. But on the other hand, it has full-size keys, it folds up small, and I am getting better with practice at typing in the way that makes it work.
The other thing is, on Android you can install a different onscreen keyboard if you want. I have seen some good reviews for this very tiny onscreen keyboard, though I haven’t tried it yet. It has a thirty day free trial.
Oooh interesting!!! I hadn’t heard of this other onscreen keyboard option! I will definitely look into it.
Any toasties in Chicago? I’ll be traveling there next month and if anyone wants to hang out we should meet up!
I GOT TICKETS TO BEYONCE’S ON THE RUN TOUR AND I AM SO EXCITED. I keep just exclaiming to my boyfriend (apropos of nothing), “I’m going to see Beyonce!”
The only thing is, they’re pretty cheap tickets (everything else I could afford was already sold out on Ticketmaster) and it’s at a stadium and I’m kind of worried it’s going to be really, really far away. Do you think it’ll still be incredible? Has anyone seen Bey live?
What city did you get it in? I signed up for the presale from a few days ago but I was feeling sick so I got to it at noon instead of 8am and I tried like 3 different cities and they were all sold out.
This is actually the response to me keeping my name that makes me most annoyed. Yeah, its my dads name, but it has also been my name for 30 odd years and the idea that its just my father's name feels like a total erasure of my life and super disrespectful.
Yeah and before it was your dad's name, it was HIS dad's name! So how come he gets to own it more than you? Not fair.
I did not get it unfortunately – is there an e-mail address you would feel comfortable posting here that I can just send the invite directly to? Not sure what the issue is. The only thing is that that would be the address where you would get all the notifications for the group. Let me know!