Toasties. Good riddance to a tough hard week. Indian takeout is the way forward (which The Bartender wanted to inhale, but paused to share the moment with all of you.) So, tell me, what kind thing did you do for someone else this week? And open thread like the wind!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
ugh i forgot my login again but Latter Days is streaming on Hulu so if your love for cheesy gay Mormon movies is anything like mine you’ll watch it this weekend
I didn’t even know that was a thing that existed, nor did I know that it was a thing I needed desperately…until now.
I just saw this and it was ammmmmazing
Y’ALL I TOOK MY MOM AND MY OLDER SISTER TO SEE DOLLY PARTON ON WEDNESDAY AND IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING NIGHT OF MY LIFE
Describe everything! Is she simply amazing???
She is SO FUNNY. Even her constantly wiping her nose (due to horrible Knoxville allergies) was charming. She sang all the big hits, covered Dylan, faked a saxophone solo on “Rocky Top” just to make sax/sex puns. UGH IT WAS SO GOOD.
BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT: “I’ve been thinking about doing an album called “Dolly Does Dylan,” but that’s too close to “Debbie Does Dallas,” and I don’t want folks getting the wrong idea!”
That sounds AMAZING. Details!
JELIS
This is unrelated (or very tenuously related, if I try to make the case that Dolly Parton is country and so is Neko Case), but did you get your username from The Pharoahs?
SURE DID! (omg what if they dueted i would die someone make that happen plz)
Toasties, Toastrons, Tostadas:
Who lives in Colorado?
Coloradans?
/banhammers
Me, reluctantly.
Where do you live? I’m moving to Boulder.
In a suburb of Denver. I…hate Boulder. But if I were rich enough to live there (I work there) I would, principles be damned.
MEEEEEEeeee.
No, I will not buy you some weed.
Where do you live? I’m moving to Boulder.
Neat! I live in Denver but, weirdly, many of my friends are in Boulder – heading up there this Sunday, actually!
Boulder is the place to be if you like walking up mountains from your very doorstep. When you move, let us know! It sounds like there’s enough of us who might be happy to take you out for a drink.
Yayyyyyyyy drinks
I used to! But I don’t anymore.
I do. It is awesome.
Where do you live? I’m moving to Boulder.
I live in Denver, but I lived in Boulder for 8 years. Boulder’s a great town, but expensive to live in (as I’m sure you know/will find out)
Me! I live in Boulder!
Yayyyyyyy. can I come live with you?
KIDDING
Do you go to school there? Do you like it? I am really excited to move west
Sorry this took a while. I am in grad school at CU. What brings you West?
Boulder is great if you like outdoorsy things and/or if you have a special affinity for affluent White people. In all seriousness, there is a ton to do here and I love living here. However, there’s not a lot of diversity and can feel a little Stepford-y at times. Let me know if you have any questions about neighborhoods, stuff to do, etc!
TEXAS TOAST MEETUP, NEXT SATURDAY, AUSTIN
Toasties in Austin or within driving distance! Come meet us! 3:30 pm next Saturday, June 7, at the Tavern on 12th and Lamar in Austin, TX. I think we have 4 or 5 confirmed attendees and we’d love to see more!
Texas Toast! I love it.
I was just going to say, this delights me completely.
I was just coming to make sure this got posted. Let me know if anyone from out of town needs directions for the best way to get there.
I’m looking at GoogleMaps directions and they seem to make sense, but are there secrets/tips I should know as well?
No, just that the parking lot is across 12th street from the restaurant. If you drive up Lamar the lot is on your right, just before 12th street.
I’ll be there!
I’ll be there! I’ll take any tips you’d like to give about how to get there, what parking is like, etc.
I recommend that you take MoPac/Loop 1 to the 5th street exit. 5th street is one way and will take you to Lamar. Turn left (north) on Lamar and go up to 12th street. The parking lot is on the right, right before you hit 12th. The Tavern is across the street on the corner.
Aaahh please have more! I won’t be in Austin ’til August, but would love to celebrate returning to the home country with new friends!
OH NO! I’m going to Seattle, otherwise I would come from College Station. we’ll have to do it again!
toasties: NEGRONIS FOR CHARITY and probably in your town, wherever it is! I trust we alone can raise a significant chunk of cash for many worthy causes. Drink up!
WHAT
I just discovered Negronis and this is amazing news. I may make myself one and donate to charity.
Not even the infamous Negroni Season story could ruin my love for negronis. I shall make an effort to drink one for charity.
Yay! Negronis are so popular here that there are places you can get pre-made ones on tap. I will be enthusiastically supporting this effort.
OOOhhh there are lots of cool places doing this in my town!
I am drinking a Negroni right now, just because. So delighted to find out I can do it for a reason.
Friday Cat Thread!
Apologies for no cat thread the last couple of weeks.
OK, so here is Anne, thinking that sleeping in the bed is for suckers.
And Bonny, after she climbed inside a plastic bag, got confused, tore a hole for her head and then couldn’t work out how to leave.
It’s been raining here lately, and my darlings are indoor/outdoor kitties. What this means is that Bonny, the stupidest cat ever born, has gone outside, got wet, come back in and whined at me about being wet approximately once an hour.
(to post your own cat pictures instructions for PC. First, put the picture somewhere online like facebook or photobucket. Right click it, scroll down to ‘copy image location’ and click that. Then, paste that link in between the ” ” on this code: < img src = ” ” > only without the spaces after/before the < and > and =)
It looks like Bonny invented the rain slicker from scratch only to have it confiscated before being allowed out in the rain, so your intelligence assessment seems brutally unfair.
Trust me. She got so confused in that thing she refused to move till we removed it from her.
Genius is often a feast-or-famine sort of thing.
This laundry basket on the floor on top of a shoe IS MY HOME NOW.
This is Talia!
Whenever my husband or I leave a sweater on the couch, she starts to nurse on it.
Ah yes – in my house, this is called blankie time. It involves a lot of kitty drool and all four feet kneading away.
Aww, poor Bonny stuck in the bag!
Friday Cat Thread, you bring joy into a dark, dreary world!
Oh, great. Anne is puking up on the floor.
All these beautiful kitties make me feel better about the world. Thank you for continuing to host this thread.
Here’s Munchie’s new fun (or not) thing: sitting on my chest when I sit, oh, ANYWHERE:
And here’s another from when she decided there needed to be some space between me and my phone:
Cat freckles!!!!
This is Malone. He will prop his elbow on any raised object, like he’s too cool for kitty school.
Harry loves sewing:
Etta inspecting the new fish
The look on her face says “No, I am certainly not up to no good move along nothing to see here!”
Adorable
I did keep the cat-thread torch burning for you! 🙂
I am naught but cat (and very small dog) furniture.
Too cool to bother about fallen pillows.
Second-favorite lounging location: catnip scratcher aka Drug Throne
unshored! I got your mix CD and it’s great! I should be done with yours this weekend 🙂
No GoT last week, but I’m happy to discuss Hannibal with anyone who saw the finale and is somehow still alive.
YES THAT CERTAINLY WAS AN EPISODE OF HANNIBAL THAT AIRED LAST WEEK.
More when comments start collapsing.
Oh man. I don’t know how there’s going to be a season 3!!! I was honestly stunned and barely survived.
My friend and I watched the last two episodes in a row. It was an EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER.
Spoiler alert:
Yes, especially since we’ve all been waiting since the season premiere for this. I love how it’s so artfully done. AND WHAT ABIGAIL HOBBS!! How. I need to know.
I gathered she wasn’t dead when Miriam showed up, but ugh, so heartbreaking.
Ohh I didn’t even think of that! Because of the ear. Though I guess they did find Miriam’s arm, so. Good call!
I was hopeful she was alive because they never showed her body. But bringing her back just to cut her throat was NOT OKAY.
So. The main focus of my best friend’s and my interest at the moment is on ALANA. Her name is in all caps because she is the best and I am going to spend the HeAteUs watching everything Caroline Dhavernas has ever done and also I was wondering whether Mallory and Brittney Griner would like to do a double date with Caroline and me.
My friend and I discussed this, and we think she’s going to live. But we don’t think she’s going to be okay! The possibility of spinal injury and paralysis has been considered and not discarded, but I’m told one of the current favorite theories is that she could be blind. This is obviously terrible and therefore likely.
Also. BEDELIA. WHAT.
YES. She’s the best. Have you watched Wonderfalls? It’s another Bryan Fuller show that stars Caroline Dhavernas. (what up loyalty to actors!)
I agree that Alana is probably going to live. Maybe Will too. (Hopefully)
Hannibal is really good at playing the long game and being 47,392,480 steps ahead. He’s also the best at manipulation. UGH.
WONDERFALLS IS FIRST ON MY TO-WATCH LIST
I didn’t know Wonderfalls was a Brian Fuller show! I watched it years ago and LOVED it. Catherine Dhavernas is the best, but I am on the fence about Alana – I wish the writers etc had done more with her. I hope she lives so they have another chance at her character!
BEDELIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
But seriously, I will cry myself to sleep every night if Alana is dead. I think you’re right and she’ll be back. Those are two interesting possibilities!
A friend and I watched it together, basically clutching the edge of the couch in stunned silence for the last 20 minutes. THANK GOD FOR SEASON 3 OR WE’D BE DED.
Is this where we talk about our inappropriate crushes on Mads Mikkelsen-as-Hannibal? It’s so disturbing, I don’t like to acknowledge it out loud.
It is my last day of work and my first day of showing up to work hungover, AMA.
That is the best way to spend your last day at work.
It’s not bad. There is rather a veneer of “I’m getting too old for this shit” though.
Recs: get a bagel, get a gatorade and put on some headphones.
Do I want to listen to “F-ck You” by Cee-Lo or “Damn if feels good to be a gansta”???
Both. go on Grooveshark and make a playlist. I recommend 90s rap (like Juicy, Pony, Big Pimpin’ etc.)
http://youtu.be/EzGoDtmTllg
“You can take this job and shove it, I ain’t working here no more.”
MINE TOO!
Except instead of showing up hungover I showed up super late due to delightful medical testing all morning. (Know what I thought I was done with after my hysterectomy? Transvaginaldamnultrasounds. Turns out I was wrong.)
Perhaps it’s time for a liquid lunch. And then, of course, I’m leaving early.
Congrats on your last day!
TOASTIES I will be in London all by myself for 2.5 days this summer! Soliciting recommendations for:
1. Best museums to see hilarious medieval art (none of that modern shit, get outta here)
and
2. Best places to purchase awesome British bras
Or whatever else you think I should do in London. (Also, if anyone lives in London and would like to hang out with me, I would be so into that.)
Rigby and Peller and Bravissimo are probably best for bras!
You should go to Harrods, especially their ridiculous toy department, and be sure to get on the tube and head down to Camden and visit the market there.
Also, a little past camden is Highgate cemetary, awesome if you like to wander around old and/or famous graves.
Everything I learned about medieval art I learned from the Two Monks posts, so I can’t help there, but:
Unsolicited recommendation: Victoria & Albert Museum of Childhood is pretty cool. They have lots of exhibitions going on that look really interesting if you’re into…you know…childhood. The Great Diary Project looks so cool for people who are nosy (e.g. me).
Or you could go to the regular V&A.
Are British bras famous? There are lots of Bravissimos all over London if you’re larger busted, and Rigby & Peller (supposedly the Queen’s bra supplier) have about 8 London stores as well. Anything you were looking for in particular?
Thanks guys! I love graveyards AND kid stuff AND being all up in other people’s business, so this is off to a good start.
It’s not that British bras are famous so much as that they exist in my size (which is not even that unusual, AMERICA). Everything I own I’ve bought online, so I’m just excited to try on bras in my size in a real store!
Ah! I definitely know the feeling on the size issues – I thought I had it bad but I didn’t realise the US folk had even less choice! Yeah Bravissimo is a great place to go and try things on and get properly fitted etc. (I also like their clothes and nightwear but sheesh it’s expensive!). I find the atmosphere in their shops is really welcoming, and the assistants are so helpful without being pushy at all.
John Lewis (and I imagine Debenhams) also stock some of the more well-known bigger size manufacturers like Freya and Panache if you happen to be department store shopping.
I mean, it has to be the V&A, right? I recommend heading straight for your must-see sections, though, because if you’re like “Oh I’ll just wander along and look at things until I get to the hilarious medieval art room,” you will be physically and mentally exhausted before you reach it. It is HUGE. I also recommend the Wellcome Collection on the grounds that it is generally awesome.
For bras, Bravissimo is great, but I get all my awesome British bras from Debenhams clearance racks, which is a totally viable and cheap option if you’re within like, the 30-38 A-F range.
oh my GOD I loved the V&A
I loved going to Liberty to see/buy all of the ridonkulous fabrics and haberdashery (seriously). Also if you want to have fancy afternoon tea at a reasonable price, I recommend the Orangery in Kensington Gardens.
The one time I went to Liberty it had a giant display of sex toys right inside the entrance. That is why I love Liberty. (Also the beautiful fabric. But mostly the sex toys.)
Oh, Liberty. I could’ve spent days hanging around that store.
If you’ve got a strong stomach, the Hunterian museum is bonkers and amazing, full of this one old wackadoo’s collection of anatomical specimens. Right across the square is Sir John Soane’s museum, in which a similar wacky old British dude collected stuff from around the world. A little more colonialist but the house alone is amazing. I always went for modern/contemporary art in my time there but I bet the British Museum and National Gallery have good stuff. As for lingerie, the Selfridge’s lingerie floor is the stuff of dreams, and for basics I also really like an Italian brand Tezenis that I first discovered in Oxford Street. Topshop has cute knickers but I can’t vouch for the quality of the bras themselves.
god dammit I miss London so much!
The Sir John Soane’s museum made me laugh with delight. The painting room! The sarcophagus in the basement! The tombstone for a poet’s dog! Totally fantastic, well worth the entry fee.
WAIT THIS SOUNDS GREAT
So very much V&A! I recommend the tapestry room; it made me cry. But there’s lots of hilarious medieval shit there, too. Like the famous medieval bed that lots of people screwed in, just sitting there like, “check out this softly lit priceless museum piece, do you even know how many boobies have been touched on this thing?”
Eat some curry chicken from any of the 5 billion curry places. Are you from a state in the US? There is probably a fried chicken place named for your state. Seek it out.
Yesss that sounds perfect.
I live in Massachusetts, which is not exactly known for its fried chicken, so a Massachusetts-themed fried chicken restaurant would be kind of hilarious and awesome.
This is a longshot, but if you happen to be in London for the last Friday of the month, the V&A puts on Friday Late, which consists of a bunch of art installations, screenings, performances and music, along with cocktails in their fabulous foyer and it’s all free! (except the cocktails). I work there each month, and the theme changes every time. It’s fun though and draws a big crowd. A smaller version also takes place each Friday too.
Like everyone else has said, you can’t go wrong with the V&A, or the British Museum – added bonus is they both are FREE so if you get bored/tired you can peace out without feeling like you just blew $20 on nothing. If you’re at all food-inclined, Burough Market is fantastic. Also! I would highly recommend taking an hour or two to sit quietly in a pub reading a book, drinking a beer, & eating cheese & onion crisps if only because I didn’t get a chance to do that on my last trip and I’m still bummed about it.
Hanging out at work listening to TSN Sports Radio so I can hear my sister talk about the Canadian Football League. I love my sister. (Read her blog at http://www.cflisforgirls.ca!)
Other than that, first week back at work after the honeymoon has been good! One of our girls is leaving so I have a bunch of new responsibilities starting up. How are you guys?
Ah, I just realised maybe I shouldn’t be promoting her blog on here – but she doesn’t make money from it, or anything. :/ I’m just really proud of what she’s accomplished/accomplishing. She was a young single mom who went back to school and is really pursuing her passion, which is writing about football.
Congratulations on the wedding!!! How was everything???
It was an absolutely perfect, perfect day. The weather held, everyone got along, we were on time all day – there was no stress. It was so wonderful. Thank you!
Toasties! Reminder to any in the DC area that we’ve got a google group so hit me up at jocasta.carr at gmail dot com if you want an invite. Topics currently under discussion include the next book club book and meeting date, and going to see the movie Belle. Also wanted to put it out there that we should get back to planning a general DC meetup!
I will be back in the District sooooooooon 🙂
Just emailed you!
Yay DC and yay book club and yay going to see Belle! I’m going to email you to get an invite to the google group!!
Yes! And it’s a great group!
Offer in on a house! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
That is so exciting! I’m hoping to embark on the journey soon enough, but kind of dreading it all at the same time. Congratulations on finding a house – fingers crossed it all goes smoothly!
Thanks! We offered, they counter-offered, and we accepted their counter. But we think they sent the same or a similar counter to someone else, so… waiting. And it’s hell.
Good luck on your journey!!!
So exciting! It’s a nervewracking process.
Hopefully it’ll move swiftly and smoothly for you.
WOW BIG NEWS! I hope it goes fast and well.
Good luck!
Oh man, good luck! How exciting for you guys!
OH MY GOODNESS, congratulations! That’s so exciting! This is earlier than you expected, right?
So amazing! We just got through the home inspection phase, and the seller has agreed to fix all the things we found wanting. Now we just need to get through the appraisal, and it’s ours my mid-June!
Is your house everything you were looking for?
This should probably be two separate comments, BUT:
Does anyone have any experience with hand wringers for laundry? Our new apartment doesn’t have laundry on site, and we’re thinking about supplementing trips to the laundromat with some hand washing.
And, also, I finally signed a lease! (In Philly; New York didn’t pan out.) I remember seeing a few weeks ago that someone was looking for Philly Toasties in the Open Thread but can’t remember who?
I don’t remember if that person was me, but I’m in Philly! And we had a pretty good Hairpin group on Facebook, but it hasn’t been that active of late.
Oh, and I sometimes handwash stuff, but my system is limited to a bucket plus rolling the wet things in a towel to drain them without wringing.
I used my grandma’s wringer before hanging her laundry outside on a line. The wringer was old when she was young, but promised to work for a dozen generations. Simple, effective, durable. Have you looked on ebay or Etsy?
I briefly checked eBay, but not in depth. I didn’t consider Etsy! I’ll look there as well.
I can’t help with either specific question but I can recommend Eucalan for knitwear and silks. You don’t have to rinse it out so it makes that part of the handwashing very simple.
SOAK also makes great no-rinse wool/delicates washes, and they come in a larger variety of scents, if that’s important to you.
I’ve used Eucalan and Soak before for handknits. They’re great. 🙂
I’m philly too! the facebook hairpin group is full of toasties too, so you can look it up and request membership if you want (I’m admin) – there are some fresh faces that throw some get togethers up every once in a while, but with my school and work I just don’t have the time to orchestrate much.
For small hand-washing projects (not a whole load of laundry) I like to use a salad spinner to dry things before hanging them.
You might be able to find a proper old-timey wringer at a flea market or antique store?
I’m also a Philly Toastie! I should join the ‘Pin group too, I guess.
I just handwashed a whole bunch of my bras (or brars, as per Jolie) and delicates in the tub yesterday, and I second everyone’s advice about Soak/Woolite/Eucalan and then rolling in a towel/putting it through a salad spinner to get out excess water.
Also, if you can find one of those foldable drying racks at Target (or wherever), they work better to lay out some delicate items/give you more compact drying space than trying to string up a clothes line or drape things over the shower curtain bar (plus, they fold away when you don’t need them)
One time I washed alllll our (partner’s + my) laundry in the bathtub because we were both too lazy to even imagine a laundromat trip. Nb: it sucked. That said, if I’d known what I was doing and had (or had even heard of) useful tools like a hand wringer, the experience would’ve been markedly improved, probably?
Sorry for the lack of anything even remotely resembling help; just an excuse to bemoan the life of a grad student.
West Coast Toast: I’m headed to Portland, Oregon in two weeks; anyone wanna meet up for beverages? I’ll be there for my ladyfriend’s brother’s dental school graduation, so party time, I guess?
I will be there for work June 15-20, if that’s when you’ll be there I will definitely want a drink.
HEY my gormenghast full sleeve is booked for the 12th next month AND LOOK AT THE DESIGN THE ARTIST DID ISN’T IT GREAT
It’s gonna be all muted, watercolour ink and heavy scratchy black outlines.
Wow that looks gorgeous.
I’m really looking forward to it and I love the artists work.
am I hallucinating or was your name different before? also the sleeve looks incredible!
Yeah, I just changed it the other day. Fancied a different handle, you know?
This is surprisingly reassuring. I thought I’d just had a brain blip and miscategorized a photo and name in my memory.
The sleeve looks glorious!
Oh my goodness a full Gormenghast sleeve!? That is such a fantastic idea, it looks absolutely gorgeous.
I’ve wanted it for YEARS, actual YEARS.
I LOVE IT
WOW that is incredible.
oh, that is lovely! the watercolor effect is going to look gorgeous.
I love the Gormenghast series so much. I just picked up a used copy last weekend and can’t wait to reread it once I’m all moved in to my new apartment. I’m intentionally not installing wifi or cable for at least a month to catch up on reading.
AMAZING!!
Beautiful!!!
and just a teeeeeny bit of thread-jacking (sorry!):
I really want a tattoo, but I have no idea what I want a tattoo of. Is this weird? Like, I wish there were something so meaningful to me that I’d want to make it literally part of me, but there isn’t anything?
Tattooed toasties: how did you decide? (I feel like this question has been asked before but I’m too lazy to go back through past open threads. Guilty face.)
I thought of what I wanted and waited for a year. Then I went to a consultation with a tattoo artist. We picked an image to base it on. Then I did a brave / dumb thing and sort of took a leap of faith. I had wanted black & white. And I never saw a color mock up before we did it. I LOVE my tattoo. (I was also 19) UGH I can’t make inserting the picture work.
Plenty of people don’t know what they want a tattoo of, that’s why tattoo artists work from flash a lot of the time.
Only one of my tattoos really has any vague ‘meaning’ beyond ‘I thought it’d be cool’, and that’s the one on my back. The first one I ever got.
But every one of my tattoos has been decided by thinking about what I’d want – often I started from ‘I’d like a tattoo in *this place*, what would look best?’ -, then googling inspiration images, then getting the artist to draw something cool.
A caution: I’d generally advise against tattoos from photographs. Very few artists can do them well. Useully a shape that can be simplified and stylised is better.
Dog thread!
These are our dogs: Land Manatee (standing) and her sidekick Toast Shark.
LAND MANATEE. <3
I can’t have dogs in my apartment and it RENDS MY SOUL on the daily.
YES I HEAR YOU. Last night while I was cuddling with my dude and he was clearly trying to be all sexy-like, I just whispered “when can we get a dog to love?”
I think he was dismayed, but what he doesn’t understand is that I think about it ALL THE TIME and it makes me so sad!!!
My dude is as obsessed as I am, and we talk about dogs so much that “I SAW A DOG TODAY” has become a running joke in our household. We also rate the beauty of random dogs on the street like gross dudebros do to women. GIMME A DOG ALREADY WORLD.
Hahhaha that’s adorable! We do that kind of thing too – “How was your day?” “It was good! I saw a beautiful husky!” Also if we see a dog on the street my partner will do a little voice for it, like “I’m a dog. Dog dog dog.” It’s weird but it’s so damn cute.
I feel you, my life plan at this point is basically “make more money, get a new apartment, acquire dog, live happily ever after!”
Here is another with them side by side:
This is our Uncle Leo:
Of course it is.
omgggghhghghghgh
apparently can’t post a pic, so here’s a link: https://twitter.com/embryoconcepts/status/4649393…
Linking to Twitter out of laziness, here’s one of our family dogs, Toby, who is the ripe old age of 17 as of yesterday: https://twitter.com/figwiggin/status/472112623866…
Happy 17th to Toby! That is quite an accomplishment, well done all 🙂
Please tell me that “Land Manatee” and “Toast Shark” are their actual names. Lie to me if you must.
Those are their new nicknames around the house. I will not tell you their true names so you can keep thinking of them as such.
Here are my goons.
Here’s my pup!
Your dogs are complete angels that is all.
I keep trying to persuade Jos to get a dog and two more cats, but no, so I shall live vicariously.
Here’s my dapper dog, Guinness!
OMG sorry it’s so big, this is the first image I ever posted to the internet…I don’t even know how to make it smaller.
Why would you want it to be smaller?!
So sweet! So dapper!
Ears! BOW TIE!!
I’m combining the cat & dog in one thread. Because that’s how my pets roll.
Eve is the Prettiest Dog Ever. Patrick is the indoor cat who thinks we’re wrong and that he’s really an outdoor cat. When he wants in, he goes to the back door and stares until Eve scratches at the door for us to go let the cat in.
Also when I walk Eve, Patrick follows. He gets mad if we go too far and howls at us, but won’t let me carry him. Basically, the cat has us all very well trained to his convenience.
Linking to twitter out of laziness but LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL INDY I LOVE HIM LOOOOOK
(I just got him last weekend he is so wee and precious!!)
Squeee!
BAAAAAAABY INDY
How is everything going with new pup?
Sleepy beagle under blankets: http://instagram.com/p/nvKrkFvGtF/
I love my dog 🙂
cozy blanket dog
partner already posted our dog but I will take this opportunity to confirm that she is too cute to live.
Whew it has been a whirlwind couple of weeks. So far so good, but phew – new job busy but going well, got into a fender bender with a complete asshole, getting a new phone, trying to manage a social life which is busier than it’s ever been in my entire life, just a LOT.
Also am recently discovering how bad/negligent I am at managing my money – has anyone else gone through this before/is going through it now? Any tips/lessons learned? I’m thinking I need to set up a spreadsheet to budget, which gives me anxiety hives just to think about it, but it’s a bit ridiculous at this point; I am a grown-ass 24-year-old woman, for God’s sake. Gotta set up a 401K too. Adulthood…
Yes, I have been terribly derelict with my money in the past, but I have gotten much better. Figuring out exactly how much you will owe every month is extremely helpful. Also, getting out of the habit of counting on the next paycheck to pay off late-but-not-quite-overdue bills. I used to think, “Well, I can let that bill slide for a couple weeks because I’ll be getting paid before it’s overdue, and therefore I can spend my money on [this thing I don’t really need]. Score!” And then inevitably it would repeat the next week, and I’d be scrambling to come up with cash so I didn’t miss a payment. I had to change my thought process to “bills first, fun second” rather than the other way around. Not sure if your situation is similar, but that was mine.
This is exactly my money mis-management theory. Every month I’m like IT”S THE LAST TIME! and then…
Can I recommend buying I Will Teach You To Be Rich? I could loan it to you on Kindle if you would like. It is so helpful in figuring out what to do.
I second this! Terrible title, wonderful book! The conscious spending plan is much easier/less stressful than a full budget.
I use mint.com, it links to all your credits cards and bank accounts so it automatically fills in the budget categories you set. It doesn’t work as well if you use a lot of cash, since you would have to go in and delegate individual expenditure categories. But it is a nice visual to see “Oh my restaurants bar is 80% full, better think about food purchases this week.”
I am kind of a budget nut though, and have multiple other spreadsheets in addition to mint.com (mainly for tracking how to divide my monthly savings (cash, IRA, and vacation fund), and then a tuition spreadsheet with tax bracket table to estimate my tax owed on my upcoming tuition benefits and to estimate my monthly bills.
I am also awful at money (although getting better) and I use mint and two checking accounts – one for bills (I don’t carry around this debit card, ever) and one for fun money. This way, I always know exactly how much discretionary money I have and I don’t spend, you know, my student loan money or something by accident. It’s amazing how much that one step helped me reign in my spending.
I also didn’t like the fun money debit card to any kind of overdraft protection, if I don’t have the money, it just gets declined.
I hear you. This is the worst time of year for me. So nice out! Need to drink on patios! New clothes! Many friend birthdays! Then MY Birthday! Then in the fall I’m like uggghhhh highjump, you dumb. I am halfhearted about Mint and considering YNAB, but I am not ready to live on last month’s money yet. Maybe in Sept.
Yes! Memorial Day weekend killed me between the drinking outside & buying shorts on sale. Whoops.
You can use YNAB without the last month’s money thing, you just have to allocate your money every time you get paid. And that only takes five minutes once you’ve got the hang of it.
Is this where I admit I haven’t filed taxes for two years because the IRS scares me? They owe me money too, it’s not like I’m worried about paying.
Be gentle and let me know your suggestions for finding someone to talk to them on my behalf who won’t scold me.
I googled because someone I know lost his refund because of delaying too long to file, and found this: http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc153.html
“There is no penalty for failure to file if you are due a refund. But, if you wait to file a return or otherwise claim a refund, you risk losing a refund altogether. An original return claiming a refund must be filed within 3 years of its due date for a refund to be allowed in most instances.”
It doesn’t look like it’s a big deal at all that you haven’t filed, but if it’s been two years, then you should get on it to make sure you don’t lose anything.
Thanks for the reassurance!
Nuuuhhhhr, I had a subject, I had a subject (on Tuesday). And now it has simply fallen out of my pretty little head. Booh
(note to self: make note to self next time)
Well, here some entertaining videos for LARFS
1. Blackadder & ‘dr House’ being fantastic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7ylFCbgo0Q
2. Moss loses his cool and CURSES like a madman (IT-crowd) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qjd8HobrTzA
3. Moss & Roy: football https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=337qtKCkic4
Blackadder love 5EVAH.
A standard response from my friends when I get swept up in actual sports-fan-ness is “The thing about Arsenal is that they always try to walk it in.”
Love IT Crowd.
the clip in question:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yN2H3–1aw
Since reading about how sitting all day awful for you, I am trying to set up some new habits. I set up a 20-minute timer on my browser and have been alternating between doing 10 squats or 10 desk pushups every time it goes off. So far today I have done 30 squats and 30 pushups, which is not bad considering my level of sloth is somewhere between “Baron Harkonnen” and “An Actual Sloth”.
How do you guys deal with the impending Sit-ocalypse?
This is genius and I should start doing it. Wonderful. I SHALL SET MY TIMER.
You’re brilliant. I’ve been counting on my body clock to break up the day of sitting and writing, but AHAHAHAHAHAHA nope: I will routinely have the conscious thought “I need to [eat/pee/drink a glass of water] but not while I’m wriiiiiiiiiiting.” Clearly if I’m going to ignore pressing physical demands like thirst and urination, I’m not likely to think “Well, this paragraph is going well but it’s time for wall-sits.”
When I do get up and take a break, I’ve started doing squats or stretches or countertop push-ups or jogging in place for a few minutes, but making that more frequent has to be good for me.
The timer is a great idea. I already habitually use a timer to get big chunks of uninterrupted work done, so it will even be easy to incorporate into my day.
Yeah, I tried the “just remember to do it” method but that did not work for me at all. Without the timer, my day becomes a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey wimey and before I know it an hour has gone by, sometimes two.
My friend and I periodically text each other to do office pushups or chair dips or something, it helps to have friend motivation, even if they’re not there with you. I also drink a LOT of water, somewhat intentionally, because it means I have to walk to the cooler, and then walk to the bathroom, and so on. Can you get a fancy standing desk? Or a bouncy ball for a chair? I cannot do either, but those are better things.
Next phase will definitely involve one of those bouncy chair things, because I also have terrible posture and no core strength at all. I am pretty much a mess. But a mess that is about to do some squats – my timer just went off.
My bladder is my timer. Every two hours I drink a huge mug of coffee or tea (decaf after noon). My trusty bladder requires me to stand every 30 minutes on this regimen.
I stand to eat my lunch! Gives me a good hour of not-sitting during the day, plus according to the Founding Fathers it helps your digestion so….
Yay! I do the same thing, only on a different schedule. Every hour I either walk around my building twice (the top floor is a giant rectangle and twice around is 1/3 of a mile) or I do 20 kettlebell swings with the little 20lb bell I have here at the office.
Is there a browser add-on that you’re using, or do you just set an alarm clock? Because this sounds like something I should maybe be doing too.
It’s a firefox add-on called Simple Timer.
I just found out that the new intern where I work loves Orphan Black. Toasties, are you ever unsure about people, and then you find out one thing about them and suddenly you’re just like, “Oh, yes, you are of my people.”
The intern is in his 2nd career, having retired from his first. He’s probably 25 years older than me and now doing what he’s always wanted to, and since we’re in the same field, I could obviously relate professionally. But sometimes you just don’t know if you’ll click personally. And then you find out that one thing, like they love Orphan Black or whatever, and then you’re just… you’re good.
Anyway, also, my wife and I went to New York last week and ate all the pizza and ice cream, and it was good.
mmm orphan black is definitely a good barometer for good people.
Yes! I love that feeling. Unfortunately I usually have the opposite happen – where someone says something that you just immediately know means you’re not on the same page (Don’t you just love that show about the dorks and the girl??? “Uh….no.”) BUT it is nice finding another “of the race that knows Joseph” or whatever Anne Shirley called it.
I’ve had that experience with the Walking Dead video game! I was so nervous about dealing with a new group of coworkers, and then one casually mentioned that he had just completed the game, and I knew we’d be work bffs.
Toasties! What are your favorite titles, the ones that just stop you in your tracks? Disregarding the work itself, though if it’s something you love, that doesn’t hurt. For me, nothing will ever top Chris Claremont’s “God Loves, Man Kills”, but “Black Steel In the Hour of Chaos” and “God Emperor of Dune” deserve honorable mentions. And via Matt Fraction, here is a series of absolutely tremendous chapter titles. Let’s hear your favorites!
You Shall Know Our Velocity!
YAAAAAAS. And “How We Are Hungry!”
Say You’re One of Them.
Excited to read chapter title list – awesome!
some of these I haven’t read or don’t even particularly like the author, but am around all day because of the job–
Blood Meridian
Bel Canto
The Lacuna
I Love Dick
Growth of the Soil
Already Dead
The Lathe of Heaven
Cities of Salt
That Smell
The Thing Around Your Neck
During the Reign of the Queen of Persia
oh god there are so many more, but these are just the ones I could pull out of thin air. Generally I dislike overly wordy titles, titles with tons of pronouns (my least favorite current title trend), anything with “The Girl….” etc etc
ahh! the lathe of heaven is great and reminded me of another one of my all time favorites—The Left Hand Of Darkness
The Lathe of Heaven and The Left Hand of Darkness are great.
Along the same lines as “The Girl…”, I’m not a fan of “The (Profession)’s (Female Relation)” as a title.
The Golden Age of SF was also a golden age for titles, probably because the pulps sold in part on the strength of cover lines. James Tiptree, Jr./Alice Sheldon was responsible for a lot of my favorites: “Love is the Plan the Plan is Death” and “Your Faces, O My Sisters! Your Faces Filled of Light!” are hard to beat. Cordwainer Smith is another old reliable: “Golden the Ship Was–Oh! Oh! Oh!” and, although it’s inextricable from how much I love the story, “The Game of Rat and Dragon.”
I feel like I haven’t read nearly as much classic sci-fi as I should! “The Nine Billion Names of God” is ANOTHER favorite I forgot to list in the OP, and (IMO) just as great as its title suggests.
Dark They Were, and Golden-Eyed always kind of gets stuck in my head.
D’oh, I forgot one of the very best: “Oh, Whistle, and I’ll Come to You, My Lad.” If there’s a better title for a spooky story out there, I ain’t found it.
Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You
Not Less Than Gods (and the short story “Smart Alec”)
I…can’t think of any more right now because my brain doesn’t like doing things on command. Urgh.
I’m bad at that too! The only reason I have a bunch is cause I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I STILL MANAGED TO FORGET URSALA K LE GUIN.
“The Word for World is Forest” is one of my favorites. Also “Lonely Werewolf Girl.”
Everything That Rises Must Converge
I don’t know why. I do like Flannery O’Connor, but I haven’t read that.
I Was Told There Would Be Cake because I love Sloane Crosley and that could be my life motto.
…And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead
I love hilarious and indulgent puns in the titles of period romance/smut novels. So Sarah Maclean’s book “No Good Duke Goes Unpunished” gets me every time.
Also, books about barbecue/grilling with titles that could double as smutty novels. “Soaked, Slathered, and Seasoned” and “Taming the Flame” for example.
Actually, grilling book titles are just wonderful in general.
Stars in My Pocket Like Grains of Sand
This whole thread is great. I am going to have to think about what I like in a title
Toasties! I am leaving tomorrow to be a part of the Great New York Intern Migration, and am embarrassingly excited about it.
I’ll be subletting a room in Bushwick for the summer. Any suggestions for activities/food?
Roberta’s! Also there are meetups every last Friday of the month (like tonight!). Free Janelle Monae concert next week in Brooklyn. The MOMA is free every friday from 4-7PM. The Gauguin exhibit ends next week.
Every free movie screening this summer – http://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/new-york/o…
Go to Smorgasburg and get ice cream at oddfellows nearby and free chocolate samples at mast brothers. Guacuco in bushwick for venezuelan/areparas), fritzls lunch box.
Thanks, these are really cool! Free things are definitely a plus.
Also, is there a facebook page or something for Toast/Toast-affiliated meetups? Because I’d love to be in on that!
Yep it’s called the Coterie, it’s the Hairpin/Toast NYC group.
DO I HAVE SUGGESTIONS. I’m basically president of the Bushwick fan club (I have been living there a year and never want to leave).
Ali’s Restaurant (aka Cafe 280) on Knickerbocker for homemade Lebanese food and chats with the ornery but lovable old man who owns & runs the place, Taqueria El Fogon for tacos, King Noodle for drunk food (Korean fusion), Palates on Wilson for cheap but delicious breakfast.
I also have a whole list of coffee shops and bars in the area if you’re interested. Also lots more restaurant recs.
Yes, more food!! I am vegetarian, but I will basically eat Anything that doesn’t have, like, mayonnaise on it, so these are all very exciting.
Still 20, so bars are out, alas.
There is so much good food in Bushwick! A lot of it is vegetarian too!
Bunna Cafe on Flushing for Ethiopian (it’s all vegan, too), Cafe Ghia, Tandem, and Mominette for brunch, Northeast Kingdom (new American is the best way to describe it) if you wanna get a little fancy.
For coffee shops I like Ange Noire, Kave, Cobra Club, Variety, and Molasses Books (it’s a book store/bar/coffee shop)
It’s been a tough week, for reasons external and internal. I know I’m not alone in that, so I’ll send out encouragement and sympathy for anyone else who managed to make it through the week without losing all their faith in being seen as a fully recognized human in this world, and especially to those who did lose that faith.
And honestly, if you could send a little shout of encouragement back out my way, I would take it shamelessly. It has been rough.
You are great and good things exist and you will find your way to them.
So sorry to hear that. Many hugs, much love. <3
I am glad to know you. You are an asset to this community. Something something synergy growing our business best practices. *hearty handshake*
Although I only know you through your toast-presence, I admire the FOOL out of your wit and compassion and general good-ass human beingness. In a world that often seems overwhelmingly hateful, we’ve managed to create a loving space here- thank you for your part in that.
You are a fabulous human being who deserves all the best things in this world. Trust.
You guuuuuuuuuuys… you have no idea how much this buoys my spirits. You couldn’t possibly. Thank you.
Your comments are always wonderful and supportive and I was so jazzed to find you are on Tumblr as well. You are rad as hell!!
I’m sorry this was a difficult week for you. You are really sweet and I am sending you all my sympathies and encouragement <3
You are not just awesome, you are freaking MADE of awesome.
I am sending you encouragement, but do you know who else is? Dancing Dumbledore and Smiling Snape.
This is one of the most effective affirmations I’ve ever encountered (got me through the terrible part of finishing my masters, is helping with terrible things now):
Thanks for the encouragement & sympathy, & sending it right back your way.
From what I’ve seen, you are a delightful and talented person, and I’m so glad you’re a part of this community! I hope things improve for you soon.
You are seriously one of my favoritest Toasties and I specifically look for your comments because they always make me smile, so if by saying so I can do the same for you, well…I just did.
You’re a consistent purveyor of Seville orange marmalade to top one’s Toast with. I hope things turn around for you, ’cause I’m feeling those italics. Tough times all around lately.
Last night my husband and I had to play the “at least…” game because this week was so horrible.
At least we have the Toast and all the wonderful supportive Toasties who help us through tough weeks!
You’re awesome and we all love you. Come curl up in the cave of Toasty appreciation. Do you need a cup of tea and a hug? Maybe a lemonade and to be left alone?
Whether or not you’re in need of encouragement specifically about doing a thing, I think Tiny Potato is always relevant: http://www.lemonbiscuitcrumbs.com/2014/04/tiny-po…
That is a great encouragement — and back at you! Thanks.
I’m sorry it’s been a shit week. I hope things look up, starting now, but just know that you are such an appreciated part of this community, and such a witty, intelligent, eloquent person, evidenced both here and in your articles. Big hugs your way!
It has been a rough week. Part of me wants to talk about it with Toasties, and part of me thinks that will just make it worse and that I just need to stop thinking about the events of last week…
Elsa is Emily, you are one of my top favorite Toasties. Seriously, I skim for your icon every time, because while I may not always have something worthwhile to say in response, your words are always so wonderful.
YOU ARE GREAT and always have fun things to say about pop culture and foods and I’m happy to know you. Big squeezes.
Huggs!
here is a hearty blend of commiseration and encouragement, best served cold over gin + soda + lime, in the middle of the day (slash all day).
internet hugs (or non-touching equivalent) from an internet stranger!
I decided this week that I’m going to write again, and nothing (meaning mostly my own fears) is going to stop me.
let us hold hands and go once more unto the breach together, writer friend. We can do it.
In this whole big world, those fears are the only thing that could stop you, but they are not as big as you are and they are not as powerful as you are. You are tremendous.
This is beautiful.
This is excellent, best of luck! I decided the same thing a few months ago and committed to write a hundred words every day – could be on a story/”real” piece or could just be a personal thing or diary entry – and it has really been working out. A hundred words isn’t much, just two short paragraphs, but it’s way better than nothing. Plus, sometimes you get on a roll and write more than a hundred words, and then you feel extra accomplished.
Go for it!
if you want someone to send you badly-worded encouragement, feel free to email me on anninyn (at) gmail (dot) com
Yay! I’m really excited for you!
Yes and yes! How are you going to commit to it? Let’s support each other. I’m going to try to get up every weekday at 6. “Try” is the key word.
Getting over the fear is the hardest part!
Also, reading The War of Art helped me.
Guys who is watching Silicon Valley??? It’s my favorite new show and Jared and Richard are OTP.
I’m so out of sorts this week– have a raging headache and feel super emotional and don’t know if it is wedding planning/ grant submitting/ manuscript submitting stress or just a particularly pernicious menstrual situation (bleh). I’m going to eat at a fancy restaurant in Malibu this weekend and then go to aerial yoga, so hopefully that will help *~*~CALIFORNIA~*~*
Did you know that the actor who played Peter (Christopher Evan Welch) died during filming – of lung cancer! – and that’s why he’s not on the last few episodes of the season? I had NO IDEA until this week, and I was so sad to hear about that.
Sorry to bring you down, because it really is a funny show. Jared (Zach Woods) is phenomenal – do you watch Veep ever? He is on a few episodes of that and god, he kills me. (That whole show kills me though.)
I heard that! So sad 🙁 He was way too young.
I’ve heard many good things about Veep so it might be time to give it a try. Zach Woods is ridiculously adorable. I was dying when the driverless car forced him to take to the sea.
Toastie Twitter had a good week, I think. But if you’re there, you knew that, and if you’re not, why not?
I feel like I’ve been having open thread all week on twitter and it’s such a joy!
Varying levels of wellness for some of us, but I felt some very good community happened.
JOIN TOASTIE TWITTER
OK OK, what are your twitters, I am https://twitter.com/gingerkytten
I’m slowseptember! I’m on embryoconcept’s list. 🙂
I am also on embryoconcepts list, although under my real-ish name, but I’m adding you now!
I’m @lizbizfizz! I think I’m also on the list.
@heatherseggel Maybe being on the list will help me to not log in and immediately drown.
I am @rianne_marie! I’m on the list too
@noxmunk
If you’re not on this list, let me know and I’ll add you. If you want to join the party, follow the list! http://twitter.com/embryoconcepts/lists/toasties
I am not on that list. @gingerkytten
@samkimsamkim
Add me please! @combledore
@_caitycat
Gonna try to join this party! @happyharbingers
(can you check spelling, not showing up on Twitter. alternatively, just follow me @embryoconcepts)
Ah ah add me! @stephanieho
I don’t think I’m on there. I’m @brigidkeely .
oh my goodness, Toasties are on Twitter! (Like, of course they are. Why didn’t I look for you before?!)
I’m @longstorytweet, may I join too?
I’ve tried twitter before and it totally freaked me out (too much content too fast; too much social anxiety about replying directly to internet people (which I am currently attempting to battle by actually commenting on the toast instead of lurking forever)), but maybe I shall try again and only follow toasties. My partner is always raving about toast twitter and I’m jealous!
I feel so much like you describe it’s amazing.
MAYBE WE CAN DO THIS, BABY!!!
@hughesunderhill
ok I did it! I’m @resquipedalian
(I’ll try to do more than hide in a corner and cry.)
@hughesunderhill
My week was good thanks to Toastie Twitter, although not so good otherwise. So thanks for perking me up even though you didn’t realize it, ToastTwitterettes
So much love for Toastie Twitter.
I don’t really get twitter, but I’m going to try again now that I know about lists. I’m @maladydee
Toastie twitter is the BEST and everyone is super kind and immediately welcoming and devastatingly funny and I cannot recommend joining nearly enough.
Okay, I might be sold on Twitter now thanks to you ladies! Gotta try putting one together now..
ETA: I just joined so I could take part in the Toastie community! @HieuzOn1st
(It’s my instagram handle too)
Just added you!
Followed! Welcome to Toastie Twitter!
I’ve been lurking by reading the Toasties list, I’m afraid that if I join in I will never get any work done ever again. But I liiiike you all so much. Sincerely your friend alicia.
I am @hughesunderhill, and I just signed up this week.
I am scared to tweet.
It can be intimidating, but I suspect that once you see how much fun we’re having, the apprehension will fade! Anyways I just followed you.
Ahhh I was so busy on Friday I missed all of this, so glad we are gathering more!!!
I SAW EDDIE IZZARD THIS WEEK AND IT WAS AMAZING. Go if he’s around your area (which he should be at some point, it’s a very extensive tour).
My friend got to drive him around our city when he was here a few weeks ago and REFUSED TO BRING ME ALONG. I tried threats, bribes, cajoling, whining…nothing.
ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON.
I KNOW. I bothered him about it last night, and while he wouldn’t go into detail (whyyyyy), he said that Eddie Izzard is very nice, chatty, and likes Cobb salads.
EDDIE IZZARD! I can do a great Evil Giraffe walk.
I am still kicking myself for not going to see him the last time he swung through Canada. Toasties, learn from my mistakes!
I went to that show when he was here in Boston! It was hilarious!! And we actually got a good crowd, which made it reeeeallly fun. I adore him, simply adore him!
Holy crap have I had a week.
On Wednesday, I got hauled into an office with 2 of my coworkers, our managers, and HR, to get ‘our side of the story.’ For talking about a specific porn site? And sexual positions? On floor? I do not remember a conversation anything near to that. I would not even talk about anything like that on floor. Like, ever. And when I talk about porn at all it’s about issues with the industry. And still, I don’t talk about it at work. Because shit’s inappropriate.
The other two finally figure it was a very mis-overheard conversation about a bitcoin article on CNN. We know who reported us, and know they’re gunning for us, and made up lies. But the co-workers still might get suspended and/or fired.
I got a screenshot of my punches for that day. The time frame I was supposedly talking about inappropriate things? I’d left half an hour before that.
Then yesterday morning, I badged into the building without any problems, go to log on, and my system account has been disabled. Was I fired between the door and my desk? Disconcerting. Especially with the HR meeting the day before. I might have panicked more than a little. Sat around for about 3 hours, unable to do anything. Management finally got in, and figured out what happened.
A total of 4 of us were deleted from the system, instead of extended like we were meant to be. Oh, heads started rolling. The very highest manager on-site (who is very, very business-like, never flustered) started swearing a blue streak. It’s nice to know that you’re one of the 4 best people in the building apparently, but I’d rather not lose my accesses to find out next time.
So, now I have my computer access back, but none of the tools I need to actually do my job, and those may take up to 7 business days to get back. And yet, I still have to come in. No vacation for me.
Ugh, office politics are the worst. Thank goodness you captured your screen time. As a manager, I’d rather get rid of the employee sowing dissent than the innocent victims of their bile.
oh UGH that sounds stressful and horrible, but how fortunate that your blamelessness was so clearcut and easy to prove! I’m sorry, especially that it sounds like your work is backed up through no fault of your own. So frustrating.
I’m rereading the first three books of the Anne of Green Gables series. They actually hold up really, really well.
Holy crap. That *is* a week. Ugh.
BOOK TALK THREAD!
What are you reading?
Recommend me things! I live for historical fiction, but I dislike fantasy/sci-fi. I LOVE a good nonfiction piece on just about anything! I can’t remember the last fiction book I read that was actually set in the present-day? (I think it may have been Dark Places by Gillian Flynn, which was good!) I just finished January First by Michael Schofield and before that Code Name Verity, which WAS AWESOME OMG OMG OMG.
BOOKS. DISCUSS.
I’m reading the Falcons of Fire and Ice by Karen Maitland. She does grim historical fiction with a magical aspect to it.
I’m not sure I’m liking this one so much as I liked Company of Liars and The Owl Killers. Her writing doesn’t seem so clean, and in fact comes across as a little rushed and amateur.
I think it could have done with a harsher edit.
I just started Code Name Verity and it is SO GOOD HOLY BUTTS and I expect to cry buckets and I’m super pumped to hole up and finish it this weekend.
Is there a particular time period you prefer for historical fiction? I’ve really enjoyed all of Sharon Kay Penman’s books, which are all set in medieval Europe. My favorite is the one about Richard III (The Sunne in Splendour), but she has a whole series on Eleanor of Aquitaine and Henry II that is awesome as well.
BAHHHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING LEAVE WORK LEAVE WHAT YOU ARE DOING GO HOME NOW AND FINISH READING IT AGHJDGHKSH
DJKGSJLDKGJSLDKGJLKSDG
Those are my feelings on Code Name Verity.
I am fairly open! I generally prefer North American history from 1600 to about 1945, which is why the next on my reading list is Anya Seton’s The Winthrop Woman, but I am open to suggestions!
I was just about to say Code Name Verity! It has a sequel as well, Rose Under Fire, which I am going to get soon and read as well.
Code Name Verity is AMAZING.
Also on my to get is An Untamed State, of course.
DON’T FINISH IT GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN
Got an alert on my phone about your comment while reading on my lunch break OOPS.
I’m just under halfway done and was RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of a major reveal when I had to go back to work ughhhhhhhhhhhhh
I’m reading Janet Mock’s memoir right now. TEARS ARE HAPPENING, no shame.
I’m reading One Hundred Years of Solitude for the first time for my book club! GGM reminds me of my dad so, so much.
I also accidentally started reading Girls Like Us by Gail Giles–I read a free excerpt online and suddenly the book was on my Kindle and I couldn’t stop. We’ll see if it veers into Wise and Noble Disabled Person territory, but it IS pretty cool to read a book narrated by two developmentally disabled women, one of whom is black.
No way, I’m re-reading “One Hundred Years of Solitude” which is my favourite summer/holiday reading! Do you like it? I always get terribly emotional by the end.
I’m enjoying it so far! (I’m only about 70 pages in, so I need to do some catching-up over the weekend.) NGL, I’m kinda creeped out by Aureliano’s obsession with Remedios, though.
Oh, it will creep you out even more. But the gist of it still moves me and overcomes the weird parts.
Go get Rose Under Fire. It’s the not-really-sequel to Code Name Verity.
!!!
IN THE TIME IT TOOK BETWEEN THIS COMMENT SHOWING UP IN MY INBOX AND RIGHT NOW
I already went to my library’s website and requested it
OMG NOW I’M DYING I CAN’T WAIT
Oh, damn – I keep forgetting what my book club book is called. I really need to get that, as well.
I just finished The Luminaries, by Eleanor Catton and I loved it. Like LOVED. It’s set in 1860s New Zealand during their gold rush, and it’s long, with lots of characters to keep track of, but I just found it so engrossing. Catton’s writing just paints such a detailed, poetic picture.
I also just finished The Luminaries, but I was somewhat conflicted. I thought it was lovely and intricate, but it just didn’t hold my attention. Which is a little unsettling, because in a former life I was a Victorianist and long complex Dickensian things are usually right up my alley.
Have you read her first book, “The Rehearsal”? It’s very different, but I’d highly recommend it.
oh god I read the first 50 pages of The Luminaries after getting it from the library. Realised I cannot possibly read and enjoy this book in less than three weeks and made plans to buy it very soon.
Yeah, for me, I had to be in the right frame of mind to get going with it. It just satisfied a literary itch for me, as a happy medium between modern storytelling and Victorian. The feeling it gave me when I read it reminded me a lot of how I felt when I read Great Expectations. I read Insurgent (the 2nd book in the Divergent trilogy) immediately after Luminaries, and just felt myself desiring to re-enter Hokitika and fall back in with the characters,
I haven’t read The Rehearsal yet, but it’s on my reading list! I’m sorry to say that as a library staff member, I’ve been shamelessly exploiting my power of the renewal.
I read this last year, but it’s historical fiction, and lovely: Longbourn by Jo Baker. It’s an imagining of Pride and Prejudice from the POV of the servants.
Otherwise I have Lawrence Hill’s The Book of Negroes on my bedside table, which is supposed to be very good.
I love Longbourn!!! I renewed it twice and am keeping it until the very last second I have to take it back to the library. I’ve loved Pride and Prejudice since I was fifteen but I will never look at it the same way again.
I am reading Virginia Woolf’s Orlando right now and LOVING it. The protagonist is a peripatetic, time-traveling, gender-shifting member of the English nobility, I mean, hello! (Get a version with good notes– there are SO many jokes to get/not get, depending on your knowledge of history/the Bloomsbury scene/Sackville family lore)
If I had to make a list of things that justify human existence, Orlando would definitely definitely be on it. (Also Virginia Woolf just, like, in general. Hearrrrt.)
I’m reading an advance copy of something called Thorn Jack by Katherine Harbour and it is NOT GOOD. VERY BAD NOT GOOD. But I have to finish it, because that’s how we do, and then I’ll be on to something more good.
I’m just about to start Carola Dunn’s “Heirs of the Body” – historical cosy mystery set in the 1920s. After that I’m thinking of going for Lindsey Davis’s Civil War novel “Rebels and Traitors”. I love Davis’s Falco books and although I know this one won’t be at all like that series, I think probably anything she’s written is worth reading.
I just finished Mary Roach’s Spook, which (I am surprised to say) I did not enjoy tremendously. It’s a fun look at beliefs in and experiments of afterlife experiences, but I didn’t connect with it the way I did with, for example, Stiff. It read more like a nearly-final draft than her other books, or maybe it’s just my goddamned mood standing between me and it.
I also finished re-reading Laurie Colwin’s Family Happiness. She’s one of my great comfort authors and buying this book, which was out of print for a while, felt weirdly indulgent: instead of stumbling over it for a buck at Goodwill, I sought it out, ordered it, and paid ACTUAL MONEY for it. The week it arrived, my sister got sick and begged me for entertainment including, and I quote, “all the Laurie Colwin,” so I took the book, half-read, to her and reclaimed it 6 weeks later.
And then cried in bed last night as I finished it, because, well, if you’ve read the book, you see how that series of self-denying unnecessary sacrifices is a faint echo of the protagonist’s life and UGH STOP IT, ME.
I’m also starting to re-read Wilkie Collins’ The Moonstone. I find his writing so soporific that I’m having to use my last-resort technique of reading it aloud to myself, which means I can only read it at home alone, or in the bathtub. That works out fine.
I have a secret fondness for Wilkie Collins, even though he is sometimes a tad dull and sometimes more than a little ridiculous. I do prefer The Woman in White over The Moonstone as a rule, though.
I have a copy of The Woman in White kicking around somewhere. Maybe I should switch to that because I am only a few pages into The Moonstone and UGH I AM SLEEPY.
I have so many great books to read but do not have the emotional space to read them right now, so I started The Secret Garden. I would RATHER be reading Young Men and Fire or Georgiana or any one of the dozen unread books on my shelf, but The Secret Garden it is.
I did finish American Wife recently, which I think I got on recommendation from Toasties, and it was SO GOOD. It is incredibly loosely based on Laura Bush and it was great.
I bought Georgiana recently and haven’t been able to get myself started on it!
I am reading “Writings from the Sand: Vol. 1” – it’s the collected writings of Isabelle Eberhardt, a kickass lady adventurer from the early 20th century! It’s amazing!!
I’m reading the new Dresden Files book, Skin Game. I have zero shame about how much I enjoy this series.
I’m reading The Last Nude by Ellis Avery, which is historical fiction about Paris in the 20s, and also about a real artist and her muse. Someone gave me the book as a gift, I skimmed the cover and saw “erotic story about older artist and younger muse,” and I was like, ugh, I’m so tired of the silent but handsome older gentleman teaching the young naive woman how to live.
But then I started reading and the artist is actually a woman, and the age difference is 27 to 17, which is still enough for there to be a big power differential, but at least, you know, age of consent. And a lot of the story is about how same-sex relationships, particularly relationships between women, were becoming more visible in Paris at that historical moment. So it’s actually great and I would recommend it to anyone.
I am STILL reading Words of Radiance after a month. It’s great, and a lot of fun, but it’s unbearably long. Most of the characters are great, but one of the main POV characters is unbearably lawful good and has a massive chip on his shoulder. DUDE, you can fly and change the direction of gravity. Just, like…have a little fun for a change? Have a drink. Come on.
Needed a break, so also paired it with the, um, new Dragon Age book, Masked Empire? Am dork, plz to not be judging. It was actually pretty good! Also, kind of unusual for a high fantasy videogame tie-in book to feature an interracial queer romance as its main plot point, and be dedicated to the series’ LGBT fans? BioWare is pretty cool.
Good god, Words of Radiance is long. I LIKED it but I kind of hate it on principle just for being SO LONG. I loved how much it had about Shallan, though I agree about that other character. He’s my least favourite of the POVs.
Shallan is a total BAMF and is hilarious, though, so the awesomeness of her adventures more than makes up for ol’ Mr. Stick in the Crem.
I read The Round House by Louise Erdrich. I really liked it, although I am still mulling over the ending and whether or not I liked that.
I’ve tried reading The Luminaries but it feels a little too much like work. That being said, I’m fascinated by NZ, so I am going to stick with it.
I also read The Bird Eater and while it was a fast read, it wasn’t my favorite.
I read the Round House a couple months ago. I thought the ending was good! Oddly surprising but good.
Have you read any of her other novels? I just read one of her non-fiction books and it was also fabulous.
I think I read the ending too quickly! I was at jury duty. It just seemed to sudden to me, like, yeah, coming of age story, he’s rebelling.. and then, more sadness. 🙁
I do like the references to his future wife and all of that. I think I need to re-read it.
I was given a copy of Crown of Columbus when I was in 8th grade, which in hindsight was a pretty big gift from a middle school teacher! I really liked it but thinking about it makes me really sad and makes me wish we lived in that parallel universe. There are lines from it and characterizations that stick with me to this day, particularly about Roger Williams and his WASPy background. Same with Vivian’s description of bungalows.
I read The Bird Eater when it was a free deal on Amazon or something? I read it soooquickly, but by about halfway through I strongly disliked it and just wanted it to be over. The more I thought about it, the less I liked it and the less sense it seemed to make.
I picked it up for the same reason! I feel like the story behind the Creepy Bird Boy, while explained, was never really done in a satisfying way. And then the ending leads you to believe it’s going to just happen again. Uggggggh.
Have you read Ruta Sepetys? Shades of Grey (gulags) and Out of the Easy (noir-y 1950s New Orleans). Both are great!
Oh! Also, Revolutionary by Alex Myers, it’s about Deborah Sampson, who I was somewhat obsessed with as a child.
I just finished (like 20 minutes ago) ‘Books and Islands of Ojibwe County’ by Louise Erdrich, who I have recently discovered I love. She has a ton of novels, this one is non-fiction. Very spare writing, simply written and yet really beautiful and powerful.
Also just finished The Bees by Laline Paul. when I saw Mallory tweeting about a critic criticizing someone for not thinking enough about the sex drive of the male insect I assumed at first it was about this book. It is a novel about a colony of bees, from the perspective of one of the bees. Weird and wonderful with a healthy dose of misandry.
I’m in the middle of Self-Inflicted wounds, which is Aisha Tyler’s book about doing dumb shit. I’m not loving it. She tries a bit too hard to make every story fit the theme she’s going for and it doesn’t always work.
I am currently devouring the Vampire Academy books. It is a minor problem in my life as I can’t stop thinking about them when I’m not reading them.
I’m going to take a short break from them this weekend and get into Americanah or the last 2 books in the Selection series.
I’m reading The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri. It is completely fantastic, and makes me crave all the foods described within.
I’m rereading Magic’s Promise by Mercedes Lackey because I really wanted to read about super sparkly Herald-Mage adventures and it’s the one with the least tragedy.
I’m reading the Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach. And it’s just awful. His prose is nice, but it’s all surface. And it’s set at a college that seems to be 100% male except for the 1 female character who mostly exists to ponder who she should be sleeping with. Her characteristics are: hot, depressed (so, interesting) and smart. Although, the author never has her doing anything that proves that last one. The one gay relationship is ruggedly masculine. I’m just really tired of books that are supposed to be great works of literary genius, but the woman (because these are entirely masculine worlds) are cardboard cut-outs. The baseball bits are the least boring parts. And that’s really saying something. Because baseball is almost meditative in its capacity for boredom.
Have you read Belle Cora by Phillip Margulies? I just adored it. It’s long, but I think it’s really worth the read. It covers some really interesting things (19th century American Millenarianism! Early San Francisco!), plus I just really liked Belle as a character.
WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT HILD
HILD
http://the-toast.net/tag/hild/
I just finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics (so, so late to the party) AND I FUCKING LOVED IT.
I want to go back in time and read it again for the first time. That type of thing.
Right now I’m reading The Street of Crocodiles and Other Stories by Bruno Schulz. He’s an author no one reads (I’m only reading this book because my partner finally convinced me after years of singing its praises), and it’s his only published work. Because nazis. This goes without saying but seriously fuck nazis.
Anyway, the stories are lyrical and magical in a way I’ve never encountered before — the only comparable genre I can come up with is magic realism, but it’s distinctly different than that. Highly recommended.
Good news: I accepted a job 2 wks ago; its kind of a great one. I quit my current situation in a blaze of glory. BF and I just had 3 wks of escapading together and are now looking for apts in the SAME CITY where we will soon end 2 yrs of long distance!
Meh News: I did not pass the CA bar 🙁 And i slaved over it for moooooooonths. And yesterday just when I was starting to feel OK about the whole thing / exhale like Angela Basset, I was offered my DREAM JOB which reqs the bar and had to DECLINE IT. My heart and stomach hurts.
Question for all: How many Claritins is too many claritins to take in a day? Because I’m on 2 within a 24 hr period and if its bad for me or there’s an alternative, I would LOVE to know.
congrats on SAME CITY w/ your bf! I’ve been 1.5 hrs from my boo for a year and a half now, and with my recent move it’s up to 3.5. God bless FaceTime 🙁
Pineapple is a thing that supposedly helps allergies, and I have found it to be pretty true! Also I love any excuse to drink pineapple juice, so that helps a little, too.
Hooray for job! Hooray for end of long distance! Sorry about the bar and that job 🙁 🙁 🙁
Thanks! Its so bittersweet/meh and confusing! But i also love pineapple so will def try your allergy plan!
Yay for jobs and yay for anti-long-distance! Are you in California now? What part? I’m sorry about the bar, that one is a BEAST.
The only solution I found to OTC Claritin is Claritin with ~~the drugs~~ in it behind the counter. It was a sad day when I had to give in, but it’s generic Zyrtec D or runny-nose-everywhere for me.
Congratulations on the job! That’s exciting news, and your 3-week escapade sounds WONDERFUL. Living in THE SAME CITY sounds like great, great news!
I’m sorry about the bar, and especially about having to pass on your dream job. But how wonderful and unlikely that you have such an attractive fall-back position! That’s great, and you deserve it.
Thank you! It was always the premeditated Plan B but its a good one. And yes, same city is AMAZE! Im looking forward to DIY-ing EVERYTHING in the new place 🙂
Oh, man, that is a huge, huge bummer. I’m sorry! BUT if it’s any consolation, the CA Bar exam is one of, if not the most, difficult Bar exams in the country (I’m not a lawyer, but I work at a firm & have heard this from everyone who’s taken multiple exams). Many many people do not pass on their first attempt. Is there anyway the dream job would re-extend the offer if you take, and pass, the exam next time?
And definitely upgrade to the Claritin-D if you haven’t already, alternatively, go the nasal allergy spray route. Nasacort is OTC now and works GREAT for me.
I appreciate it! They won’t extend it, but I declined very politely and still may meet with them as a networking thing. Its a position that comes up w some regularity, so after a stint at new job I plan to circle back with them. Claritin – D– NOTED!
The next stage is the nasal sprays. Not as bad as it sounds, really! Flonase requires a prescription, but you can also get a purely saline nasal spray (like a Neti pit but 5x easier to use) and just rinse the pollen right out of your nose with it.
I do it 2x s day in allergy season, but doing it at night before you go to bed (so you can sleep without the day’s pollen hanging out inside your nose) is the key thing. The saline one not only cleanses away allergens but it is also soothing.
ALSO I met Nicole today, EVERYONE BOW DOWN BEFORE ME, I am basically like a second-degree relic now. I ALREADY FEEL MORE BENEVOLENT TO ALL MANKIND.
[whispers] did you get to touch her hair? did it make you stronger just to breathe in the same air? NO DON’T TELL ME DON’T RUIN IT FOR ME
I had job interviews last week and this week! The first job is at a photography-related business. I had short notice for the interview, so I didn’t have much time to prepare. The interviewer asked me what photographers I like, and I forgot every single photographer’s name except one.
I’d applied to the second job six weeks ago, so when I told a friend I’d gotten an interview, I said that they must be scraping the bottom of the barrel for candidates. She then told me that she’d actually applied for the job and hadn’t gotten an interview. (We’re in the same field, but I didn’t think she was looking at that type of job!) I wish putting my foot in my mouth were a skill I could put on my resume. Luckily, she is a lovely person/friend and was really nice about it, but I feel bad.
The “who/what are your favorites” question is the very worst interview question in the entire universe, and they ask it for everything now.
As a photographer, all my favorite photographers are illustrators and painters.
Not as bad as the “what kind of tree/fruit/vegetable/animal would you be” ones! At least this one was related to the job. Though I’ve had people ask what my favorite animal was, and when I said “dogs,” I could feel them judging my boringness. (I just love dogs!)
EXACTLY like am I supposed to rattle off some names that an HR manager might recognize? Is there a checklist of Approved Favorites that some business magazine has listed as indicative of sound character? What happens if I say I really like the idea of deep sea vent extremophiles but get along personally with crows? I don’t really wanna make small talk with you bro, you’re unsubtly ranking me on some kind of Pyramid of Success relative to the Eyeball of Synergy, I wanna do the work you need done and get paiiiid
Dogs are probably the only honest answer why do you not want dogs
Hello! Have any Toasties been to Berlin? Any recs?
Im hearing strange tales of clubs that require an interview with a street photographer before you go in which sounds bananas. What do you even wear to a trendy Berlin club?
Apart from that Berlin sounds very cool and artsy and exciting.
Watch Slings & Arrows, study Darren Nichols. That is how to Berlin.
ahahahaha A+
Berlin is great. The best. (Wasn’t it on a Toast list of things people need to stop talking about, or something? DON’T CARE, BERLIN FOREVER.) There are some clubs that have pretty extensive/ridiculous screening to get into, but frankly, go…anywhere and you’ll find something crazy and great. Berlin is definitely cool and artsy and exciting, you will find lots of fun things to do even if you don’t get into the club that only takes the best-dressed and rarely tourists and whatever. Pretty cheap for a western European capital city, the history is fascinating, eat a lot of Döner and falafel, the end. Also, most people speak English if you don’t speak German. I like Berlin so much, can you tell?
I can and youre making me like it too! Id be very happy eating falafel and going to a fun club in my non cool clothes 🙂
All I’m sayin’ is that I went to a techno club in Berlin and my gay friends deserted me to go have sex with strangers in the weird private rooms in the basement and then I danced for a while but you don’t really touch other people in German clubs? and then I wanted to go home but realized my friends had my coat tag and my coat had my money so I managed to go outside in the freezing cold and convince a cab driver to take me home for free.
So… uh… try not to do that.
Oh god this is the nightmare im trying to avoid, but good job on blagging the free cab ride!
YES! I asked a similar question a few weeks ago. I’ve actually been twice but I have no idea what people do. I usually just drink the beers and eat the doner and go to museums. I have no idea how to look trendy and cool in Berlin. Help, anyone?!
I will also drink the beers and eat the doner and Im beginning to think ‘Berlin cool’ is a myth (at least thats what I am going to tell myself)
Jewish Museum! Peacock Island! The Turkish market in Kreuzberg! Friedrichshain in general!
You will LOVE Berlin.
These all look awesome – thanks!
Mailed my mix CD partner their stuff today! Hope you enjoy it!
I’m looking after my niece today. She had a failed dentist appointment, poor kid- they couldn’t get it frozen quite right, apparently, so they did some work and gave up because it wasn’t taking. So she’s curled up on my couch with netflix and I DON’T KNOW WHEN SHE’S LEAVING because my sister is dealing with divorce stuff today and doesn’t know when she’ll be done.
I love my niece more than life itself, but that’s also how much I love to know when my duties are supposed to be finished.
And now, thanks to Walking With Dinosaurs, I am explaining evolution to a six-year-old.
Oh jeepers, I hear you. I love my family, especially the little ‘uns, but I also love to know what is expected of me and how long my custodial duties are going to last.
Yeah last time I did the all-day thing I had her for ten hours and that was really way too long.
Um, hi, are you me? Because my 6yo niece is currently using the other computer in my office, playing some game that involves animals and cheerful animated voices and drum rolls & stuff. And my sister is also dealing with divorce stuff, but no so much today, just work stuff. I do, at least, know that I’m leaving the office at 3 so even if the last hour and a half of my entire job involves listening to talking aardvarks, there is an end in sight.
Yeah, my sister was like ‘oh, she’ll probably nap, she’s tired out from the dentist’ but we just spent forty-five minutes at the park where she was intent on climbing everything there was to climb, so… she’s apparently a pretty tough cookie. Now she’s telling me the plot to Zorro, which she could not watch because they took it off Netflix.
As requested from the LeVar Burton comments: Who’s invited to your fantasy dinner party? Dead people are totally allowed. Mine are probably Bob Ross, Julia Child, and Bill Nye.
Julia Child, Dolly Parton, Bill Nye, Mr. Rogers.
levar, for sure. leonard cohen. daniel pinkwater. margaret atwood. pete seeger. neko case. mister rogers. george saunders. i could keep going.
Eleanor Roosevelt for sure. Basically just Eleanor Roosevelt, I don’t even need other people because I’d ignore them to swoon over her.
Jim Henson, Mr. Rodgers, LeVar Burton
Oh, man, this would be the loveliest, most pleasant, most encouraging meal ever.
ugh i just want them to surround me with an aura of light, approval, and gentle platonic love. go forth, my child, they will say. you are enough.
I would have a special, QI-themed dinner so I could have Stephen Fry, Sue Perkins, Sandi Toksvig, David Mitchell, and Brian Cox. And I would die of happiness.
YES YES YES YES please invite me to this dinner.
Okay. But bring Bill Bailey, then.
It’s a deal.
ME TOO OMG. Though I’d spend the whole dinner swooning over Sue Perkins <3
Also, if I were to expand this to British comedians in general, I would definitely bring in Richard Ayoade and Noel Fielding. Or, I could just have a one-on-one with Ayoade and be immensely satisfied.
AAAAAAH YES.
Robert Pattinson and Jennifer Lawrence. SNARK CITY and GOOFBALL-A-RAMA. It’d be so awesome.
Emma Thompson, Amy Poehler, Hillary Clinton, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Allison Janney. We’d drink a lot of wine and play games. (I bet Hillary would be down for some charades).
But could I also come and bring Tina Fey, unless she already sneaks in because she and Amy should never be more than 15 feet from each other?
Acceptable.
You all have excellent taste.
Agreed, you all have great taste. I would add Carl Sagan.
This has been a rollercoaster of a week, friends. Here are some good and happy things to keep myself positive:
1) I finally filled in the second eye on the daruma doll that my roommate brought me back from Japan during senior year of college five years ago.
2) Iced black lychee tea is delicious.
3) I have a pack of the kindest, smartest friends on the internet.
What are your good and happy things?
Ooh the Daruma eye! What was the wish/goal? Or are you not meant to say…I’ve never really been sure. Congratulations either way 🙂
1) I got an entire chocolate cake yesterday from Marks & Spencers, it was reduced to £2.50 (it was on its use by date) and I bought with pride because I had had a stupid day at work.
2) I have Got Things Done this week, and had lunch with my Aunt and wasn’t flaky about it (and replied to emails quickly!) – so I’m on my way to becoming a better person!
I don’t think it’s a secret? Anyway, my goal was to get paid real money to have fiction published somewhere, and I did! This week! Here! So looking at my two-eyed daruma will be encouragement to keep writing.
and yesssss chocolate cake yesssssss
Ooooh M&S food….
I’ve finally, FINALLY got the writing itch back in my fingers. I think I have a good new project.
My Internet friends are also kind and smart and include FIGWIGGIN so they are the best.
I have a partner who is a little jealous of how much attention I give Toast Twitter but that’s how wonderful/hilarious you all are!
I am emailing with TWO old friends this week, which is two more than I usually email with, so I feel loved all over.
It is also payday (good thing!) and it’s higher than usual (happy thing!) but given my fights with Personnel lately, I’m a teensy bit afraid it’s because of a mistake (not so good or happy thing). My pay stub hasn’t arrived yet so when it does, it’s investigation time.
1. I’m looking forward to a wedding in which one dear friend will marry another dear friend. There will be lawn games and walks in the sun, or a barn dance in the rain, depending on the weather.
2. I treated myself to a new dress in honor of this wedding, but if doesn’t arrive in time, I will wear the skirt and top I wore to my own wedding, which is blue and beautiful and the most comfortable thing I own but not at all bride-like or attention-grabbing.
3. I’ve had two bylines at The A.V. Club so far and even the commentariat have been surprisingly not-rough.
4. My husband is the kindest, even when my anger and anxiety (at the world, not at him) should be testing his patience. His patience and kindness appear to be infinite.
#5 is right here in this thread: it’s you all. When I shamelessly asked for kindness, you poured it out in abundance. It made me cry a tiny bit in gratitude.
I got to go to TWO concerts this week: Cat Power (sooo good!) and Neutral Milk Hotel, which I never thought I’d get to see live! For Neutral Milk Hotel, we were right up front and it was loud and we rocked out and sang along with all the songs as if we were teenagers, and it was wonderful.
JEALOUS. So, so jealous. My biggest regret of the year (so far, at least) is that I had to skip seeing NMH in April thanks to a bout of food poisoning. FIFTEEN YEARS I’d been waiting to see them, all gone down the toilet. So to speak.
NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL ahhhhhhh I saw Jeff Mangum like 2 years ago when he did a little tour just by himself, and it was at a wacko animal commune in rural NY and I maybe cried a little SO WHAT
PS now that I realize what you were painting, I realize my snapchat back to you was probablyyyy absolutely ridiculous and I’m sorry I missed the context for what you sent!
I don’t remember this at all, so think nothing of it! (There are advantages to having a Swiss-cheese brain, sometimes.)
Congratulations on filling in the eye! Yay!
Good and happy things are thin on the ground for me right now, but, um…I have a job that I don’t hate and a partner who adores me?
Oh, and hey, thanks for organizing that CD swap. I loved mine! I hope my trade partner liked hers, too.
Good and happy:
1) My delightful, handsome, and talented internet friends.
2) I’ve gone to the gym two mornings this week & feel really good about that, and I like that I’m starting to not hate exercise.
3) I’m treating myself to bomb-ass falafel & sweet potato fries for lunch.
4) My birthday is next week and usually I hermit for it, because I’m super shy about asking friends to celebrate me, but one of my local best ladies could tell I wanted to do something and is planning me a casual, but fun, something.
you guys, in a whirlwind—i got a new job! i had a crazy three-hour interview on tuesday and by thursday they gave me an offer. it’s a full-time position in my current field and definitely a step up from the two part-time/food-service gigs i have going on right now. but it’s…scary. being an adult is scary, wahhh.
also, i am going to new york on vacation with my mama! it’s my first time there. you guys have already given me some great suggested in cocktail hours past, but…GIMME MORE! tell me what i should do!
Yay congrats!!!!! Being an adult is bullshit but having a salary and health insurance and shit RULES.
I was just in NYC last weekend! My sole New York tip remains GO TO THE CLOISTERS.
yesss medieval art. i’m definitely going.
also, i am almost more excited about the health insurance than anything else, which is…telling of how absurd our healthcare system is. after ACA went into effect, the price of my self-bought health insurance more than doubled, and it was totally unaffordable. so i went onto my parents’ plan. but my 26th birthday is only a few months away, so…finding a job that offered benefits was paramount.
I’m looking for fantasy books by women, any recommendations? Lev Grossman made me realize that I don’t care about men and their manfeels. I’m open to anything in the genre as long as it doesn’t end with everyone dying and being miserable because the world is a horrible place and life is futility, etc.
Have you read Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell? It’s really good, with two caveats: First, although it’s written by a woman, it’s still largely about men. And secondly, it’s frickin’ dense. But it’s super good!
I haven’t! I should. I find that men written by women are still less tedious than actual men, generally.
Diana Wynne Jones. Just. All of it.
Ahhh, I love her but I just finished rereading all of her books earlier this year! It was a damn good time.
Clearly I have done a good job with you, husband. :p
My autobuys: N. K. Jemisin, Ursula Le Guin, Kate Griffin.
The triumvirate of lady fantasy writers, and runners-up: Anne McCaffrey, Andre Norton, Mercedes Lackey, Robin McKinley, Elizabeth Ann Scarborough, Elizabeth Moon, Robin Hobb…more that I can’t think of right now.
Ugh I really wanted to like The Magicians but it just made me feel kind of sad and upset and a little grossed out. SHUT UP QUENTIN YOU’RE THE WORST AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID FEELINGS.
Have you read Daughter of Smoke and Bone? It’s super creative and beautifully written and the lady characters are totally badass.
I loved The Magicians for precisely that reason. It’s like dirtbag Harry Potter! I thought it was refreshing to see such a flawed protagonist in a fantasy setting. I just couldn’t get over what colossal jerks the characters were.
I liked The Magicians okay, but the sequel is what did me in, when it got really obvious that everyone’s breasts were being described multiple times and that Grossman can think up all kinds of creepy horror traumas for his male characters, but his female protagonist naturally has to be punished sexually.
Ugh. I refused to read the sequel because I was so mad about Alice. Glad to hear I probably made the right choice there!
Tanya Huff, Seanan McGuire, Patricia Briggs, Carrie Vaughn, Kim Harrison.
I’ve had pretty decent luck just wandering around the fantasy section picking up books that have cool-looking covers and author names that sound female. I actually was doing that for a while before I realized that I was mostly ignoring the dude names, and then when I did realize it, I decided I didn’t care.
Thank you! That’s a good technique, but I’m married to my Kindle now and browsing Amazon always turns up so many “The Boner Of The Werewolf” type things.
Emma Bull (Territory, War for the Oaks, Freedom & Necessity) (she is so awesome)
Elizabeth Bear (I just started reading Range of Ghosts and it is *so good*)
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel’s Dart is so hot, and amazing worldbuilding)
Lois McMaster Bujold (you said fantasy, so I’m gonna rec the Chalion series in particular)
OMG the Chalion series is SO GOOD, especially Paladin of Souls. I can’t think of any other book with a middle-aged female protagonist who is badass in non-physical ways. Ista = role model.
Ista was amazing!
Ooh, sounds promising!
I just read Mark of the Mage by R.K. Ryals, and it was a pretty good time. Not, like life-changing or anything, but definitely a good lunchtime read at work.
Melanie Rawn! At least her Dragon Prince/Dragon Star books. I also love the two books in her Exiles trilogy but I don’t think she is ever going to write the third book, so.
The cover and the back description of Dragon Prince make it sound like a romance novel, but after the first 200 pages or so Shit Gets Real.
Joan VInge’s Snow Queen cycle is sci-fi but with a strong fantasy-ish vibe, I feel like (very much in the science-so-advanced-it’s-basically-magic vein). Lots of female characters actually being characters, not props in male characters’ stories. The ending is [spoiler-ish?] hopeful but not entirely happy.
I’m gonna plug my friend Tessa Gratton. She’s got three books out right now and a fourth on the way very soon. Like, less than two weeks soon. She writes YA. And can be kind of grim. But not EVERYBODY dies and there is a notable lack of manpain.
COLD MAGIC COLD MAGIC COLD MAGIC. By Kate Elliott. (The sequels are Cold Fire and Cold Steel and not QUITE as great as Cold Magic, but still amazing.) Elliott also has a huge backlist but those are the only books of hers I’ve read.
THIS! Love her.
YES! Though I loved Cold Steel the best. They’re so good that they practically make me sure that there must be Phoenicians around somewhere still. It’s some of the best world-building I’ve ever encountered.
The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner is fantastic! Turner is also a fan of Diana Wynne Jones, which comes through in her writing, and I see below that you’re a fan of her… 😉
Female characters do not really feature prominently in the first one (alas) but they do in the rest of the series! It’s hard to describe without spoiling things, though. Just read them. They are the best.
YESSSSSSS.
Queen’s Thief fans forever, yo!
(I hope that image works.)
Using Diana Wynne Jones in a sentence with Megan Whalen Turner? WIN!
Robin Hobb!!! Her books have a lot of the appeal of Game of Thrones but with much less casual rape and sickening violence. With the proviso that, like GRRM, she will fucking shred your emotions.
The Far Seer trilogy and Tawny Man trilogy are both about (the same) dude, but contain lots of fantastically drawn female characters. The latter trilogy also deals quite a bit with the relationship between the protagonist and an androgynous/genderqueer character. The Liveship Trilogy, which chronologically takes place in between the other two, is mostly about women, and includes lots of magic boats, people struggling with the patriarchy, and pirates. Also there are dragons. Those are the three best series, although her most recent books are okay as well.
YES, ROBIN HOBB! I swear her stuff is better than Game of Thrones and yet even people (guys) I talk to who read nothing but fantasy haven’t heard of her.
Nnedi Okorafor is pretty awesome/kind of my favorite. Her books are primarily fantasy set in futuristic African settings. Akata Witch was first described to me as “African Harry Potter.” The main protagonist is a girl, though.
Libba Bray’s Gemma Doyle triology (set at a girls’ school in Victorian England), and her new series the Diviners (set in 1920s New York) are also great.
They’re both classified as YA writers, but I think that’s because they write teenage protagonists.
Ahh, thank you all! So many good suggestions! This should keep me busy for awhile.
Laini Taylor! Sarah Rees Brennan! Melina Marchetta’s Chronicles of Lumatere!
Everybody I would recommend has already been mentioned, but damnit I’m doing it anyways
N.K.Jemisin – Just OMG Read Everything. Woman of colour writing fantasy with diverse characters and fascinating worlds.
Robin Hobb – Start with Assassin’s Apprentice and just keep going. The 3rd book of the 3rd trilogy is my favourite but you really need the previous 8. Magic and pirates and kick-ass ladies and dragons and stuff.
Mercedes Lackey – so cheesy. So silly. So wonderful. Light fluffy fantasy with magical horses and ordinary people finding out that they are actual special snowflakes. Plus sometimes there’s gay sex. I fully endorse reading her stuff in order of publication, Arrow’s of the Queen is first. You will burn through these books in no time at all.
Jacqueline Carey – Kushiel’s Dart is one of my favourite things. The main character is a masochistic courtesan turned spy in an alternate history Europe. She is a strong powerful character who does amazing things without ever knowing how to swing a sword or shoot an arrow. Super steamy sex and a world where prostitution is (mostly) honored and respected as a religious sort of thing. Gloriously good.
Anne McCaffrey is technically a sci-fi writer whoso individual books occasionally feel like fantasy but really it’s all sci-fi eventually. She’s also a harder recommendation, her very early books have some pretty terrible tropes around gender, but she gets better with time. Freedom’s Landing is good, and only part of a trilogy so it’s a less daunting world to jump into than some of her other books. The Ship who Searched is probably my favourite of her books, can be a stand alone but there are a few other books in the same world.
Pern is her biggest world and the most like fantasy. Distant planet with dragons! Dragons that telepathically bond with people who ride them. Which is pretty great as a concept. It’s totally sci-fi in disguise but there are entire books where that doesn’t come up. Try starting with Dragon’s Dawn. Dragon’s Flight is the first Pern book, but not a good entry point anymore. I love the Talent books (psychics and telekinesis!), but again same problem. She tends to write in the same world for years and years, so the initial books are full of the problematic stuff that riddles a lot of earlier sci-fi and the later books get excellent, but assume you’ve read the earlier ones. She’s a little weird about sex. The Rowan or To Ride Pegasus would be good starts there.
I actually really love her! She’s great. Great stories and worldbuilding, really!
This is long. I’m stopping now. Can you tell I have strong Anne McCaffrey feels?
Lynn Flewelling and Kristin Britain have fun series (even though the most recent Green Rider installment was off the wall, I loved it). Seconding the Robin Hobb (Assassin’s Apprentice is currenly $0.99 on B&N to get you started) and Kim Harrison as previously mentioned by others.
Diane Duane’s Young Wizards series is lovely. It’s YA and I like to think of it as sort of sciency magic. And there’s definitely no grimdarkness!
I loved the Inda series by Sherwood Smith. It’s been a while since I’ve read them, but they were just amazingly constructed and very fast-paced; I tore through them all.
You should go get all the story collections by Zenna Henderson which are just about as unmanly as fantasy/SF can get, and very wonderful. A lot of them are about kindergarten classrooms. That’s how non-manly they are.
I just read and loved Shades of Milk and Honey, by Mary Robinette Kowal. It’s the first book of a trilogy that takes place in a version of Regency England where magic is a womanly art, like music, dress, and conversation. It’s often touted as “Jane Austen, but with magic!”…but I don’t care for Jane Austen, and I still really enjoyed it.
Jo Graham, though her stuff is sort of between fantasy and historical fiction. Black Ships is about a young priestess of the dead who sails with Aeneas and the remaining Trojans, and Hand of Isis is about a half-sister (and handmaiden/slave/assistant/) of Cleopatra who is actually a later reincarnation of the Trojan priestess. They’re really good and (as far as I can tell) really well-researched. I’ve tried other books in the series (there are more), and didn’t like them so much, but these are special.
Obviously, if you haven’t read Tam Lin, doooo ittttt
I’m late to the party, but since I don’t see it here, I’m gonna go ahead and recommend Marie Brennan’s “A Natural History of Dragons” and “Tropic of Serpents”. They are volumes one and two in a faux memoir of a victorian-era woman (Lady Trent) who became one of the world’s leading authorities on dragons. I have yet to read the second, but the first was lovely.
I’m reading “A Natural History of Dragons” right now, and I love the way that the author takes gender roles without turning Isabella into a warrior princess. Not that there is anything wrong with being a warrior princess, but I am old enough that early Robin McKinley, Tamora Pierce, and Ann McCaffrey saved my life — but also sent the message that the only way to successfully challenge the patriarchy was grab a sword (or a dragon) and start killing things. Which as a grown ass woman, I find a less than full reflection of my life.
Yesterday at the gym I got my first unbroken double-unders PLUS my first unassisted pistol squats PLUS my first pull-ups. HOLY COW. I feel like a beast lady robot superhero.
Now I want to hear everybody else’s recent feats of strength!!!
I’ve recently (in the last month) finally unlocked my “twisted grip handspring” achievement in pole dance… this isn’t me, but this is what it looks like (I hope – youtube is blocked at my work) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bXS3lB4d-g
I involuntarily blurted out an impressed “HOLY-!” while watching that; if that’s even close to something you’re doing, I salute you!
HA! watched it on my phone during lunch, and yes that is what I can do! thanks!
GO, YOU! That’s fantastic!
PULL UPS! You are incredible.
HOLY COW INDEED. Congratulations!
I was hoping to get a PR deadlift this week, but stupid hormones interfered and I had an overall weak day at the gym. I got 135# up for two sets of two reps just fine but 140# wouldn’t even come off the floor (my current PR for deadlift is 145# so IDEK).
This was the schedule my trainer gave me this week and I loved it. Cleans-to-Thrusters (which he calls “Clusters”–ha!) are My New Favorite Thing.
Snatch (from ground) 5×5 40#, 45#, 45#, 50#, 50#
Cleans to Thrusters 7×3 45#, 50#, 50#, 55#, 55#, 60#, 60#
Kang Squats 5×5 50#, 55#, 55#, 60#, 60#
Deadlifts 7×2 70#, 80#, 90#, 100#, 110#, 120#, 130#
The weights were fairly low because we’re focusing on improving my form. Hoping to get 70# over my head Real Soon Now.
Oooh, Kang squats, those are new to me!
(PS These are your lower-end weights?! Wow!)
I FREAKING LOVE KANG SQUATS. They’re the only way I can squat ass-to-grass. Plus, they engage your lower abs in a similar way to front squats without the terrifying mental stress of having the bar resting right in front of your neck.
I guess I’m…fairly strong? For my age, anyway (44). It’s nice to hear someone say that’s a lot of weight ‘cos I’m used to comparing myself to the younger, healthier women who lift at my CrossFit box and they’re all throwing 100 pounds around like it’s nothing. *sigh* But SOON! SOON!
All kinds of squats with weights! Mostly body weight at this point, but 15 pound dumbbells and curling them on the way up, too!
I’ve been working on moving out of my current apartment all week, and finally made it to the gym yesterday with only 45 minutes to lift. Okay, so I’m annoyed, and my husband is frustrated so he was pissing me off (I still love him) and so I managed to beast out 3 sets of 5 reps of low bar back squats at 175 lbs out of pure anger and frustration. I tried doing that last week and had to bail on my four rep of the second set.
Some old lifting friends of mine joke that sometimes you lift for Jesus, other times you live for Satan. I was definitely doing the latter.
[For reference my most recent squat PR is doing a triple at 185lbs, but then I couldn’t go on so I reset my lifts and then went through a Spring of Craziness.]
Ironically I have a deadlift/bench press meet coming up in two weeks and I am expecting to lift well below my lifetime PR in deadlift and possibly PR (but not get my coveted triple digit bench press) my bench press.. and it doesn’t help that when I am short on time at the gym, I just work on my squat. ^^;
Hah, I love the lift for Jesus/lift for Satan line. My 15-minute walk to the gym has become a street harassment obstacle course ever since the weather got warm, and I have been doing a LOT of lifting for Satan lately.
It’s strangely helpful. I may or may not have been thinking about what I can get pissed off about next week. I usually don’t get that worked up about stuff. Maybe I need to go find some MRA subreddits and read those as I’m warming up.
P.S. (Since I clearly focused on the last part and not the first part..) double unders + pistol squats + pull ups = AMAZEBALLS. Especially all in one day!
Congratulations!
I’ve been doing 10 “regular” push-ups every other workout! I also started adding in planks with a medicine ball under my feet and it’s been terrible and fantastic.
So, been sitting here for more than a few minutes, trying to think of something kind I did this week for someone else? Coming up empty handed. Does being super sticky sweet nice to someone in a secretly sarcastic way instead of being an obvious asshole count? Because otherwise I’ve got nothing. Which makes me feel bad :-/
Sometimes the kindest things I do are by omission: not telling off the person who I think deserves it, or not letting the door slam shut in someone’s face, or not taking the last seat on the bus so someone else can take it. Not being obviously assholish does count by that metric, and I bet there are other things you did and didn’t even notice that were kind.
I’d say that counts. You didn’t light them on fire before throwing them down the stairs, so don’t feel bad. Be proud of your self-restraint.
I don’t necessarily want to support or encourage someone to feel guilty when they have no real reason to be BUT I’d argue that the fact that you’re worried about not having done an especially kind thing is a sort of kind thing on it’s own? We all have our asshole moments, the important thing, I think, is to recognize when we’re acting that way and to not stay in that place forever.
Actually, I just remembered that this morning I offered my seat on the El to a woman who was walking with a cane. She said “No thanks! I’m fine!” and then while she was riding the train she was boogeying a little to her music, which made me happy.
I have my summer vacation plans mostly figured out! I’m going to spend about three days in Paris, and then I’m going to Loncon because I am a giant nerd, and then I am going to spend most of a week in London doing less nerdy things.
I am going to steal ideas for things to do in London from catoclock’s subthread, but ideas for things to do in Paris would be great. Also, it will be the first time I’ve left North America, so general advice on travelling to Europe would be good, I guess.
If you look up an area on google maps while on wifi, you can type “ok maps” and then it will save that map and you can access it even when you don’t have cell data activated. So if you don’t have an international data plan, you can still pull up a map (and for my iphone the location dot still worked without data) and navigate if you get lost without paying $$$$. That is my best travel tip!
That is super helpful! Thank you!
My phone is unlocked, so I’m planning to get a prepaid sim card while I’m in London, but it seems like wouldn’t be worth it to get one for only the three days in Paris. And my phone provider does not have great roaming rates.
Also I wish I had some cooler recs for you, but when I was in Paris I was in the tourist ZONE. My friend and I got one of those multi day attraction passes and buzzed around doing stuff until we got out monies worth. Two things I do remember, is that the line a lot shorter if you are willing to take the stairs up the eiffel tower, and getting from the airport into the city was unnecessarily complicated, but maybe I just did a horrible job of figuring it out. Would be worth research before hand.
Also everything is as beautiful as you think it will be.
That is helpful, thank you! I’m not that cool anyways, so tourist recs are great.
You have to eat ice cream from Berthillon! Not only is the ice cream amazing but the little island it’s on is so beautiful.
I am rereading Fall on your knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald, and I am shocked by how quickly it’s sucked me in and I never want to put it down. It’sstill SO GOOD and dramatic and depressing and riveting.
I basically have no attention span for reading these days, so I’m surprised I’ve managed to find one for a 900+ page novel.
I am also struggling with my attention span! Glad to know I’m not the only one. I used to read Great Literature before bed but nowadays I just want a magazine. Ugh.
Ohhhh I read that when I was in high school (not in the curriculum) and had some random teacher take me to the office because they were worried about my “inappropriate” reading material.
haha, I was JUST coming down here to say that I sneaked this off my mom’s shelf of Oprah’s Book Club reads when I was about fourteen…and I deeply regretted it. I was DEFINITELY not ready for some of the adult goings-on in that book.
Ah, adding this to my list! I’ve got “back” into reading after becoming a big fan of the Book Riot podcast and am watching the to-be-read pile grow (and grow, and grow).
So I am nearly done my trip to Marseille. The conference was the boringest conference ever (except for my talk, which was sparkling). But the city itself was pretty great, and it’s been 70 and sunny each day I’ve gone out for tourism. My mother-in-law, who is French, came down on Wednesday to show me around the city, and she ended up generally spoiling me. Best mother-in-law!
I know I promised you all cat photos. Unfortunately, I only saw a single cat, and it ran away before I could take a photo. So, instead, here’s a photo of a monkfish, at the fish market:
That’s as good as a cat, right? Later, I ate him and many other animals in a delicious traditional bouillabaisse. I did not take to the sea, but I did eat like half of it.
JESUS CHRIST
Oh, I never even got to take a photo of the BEST thing at the fish market: HUGE, BLACK LIVE EELS! There were just, like writhing in some fisherman’s stand as he dumped water over them. I think my actual expression was :O
Eels are the devil’s neckties and are not to be trusted.
Toothless says NO EELS.
Toothless looks so much like the little kitty I used to have. I love them both.
But so delicious… I trust them dead and on my plate.
I was going to say the exact same thing. I will never sleep again.
HORRIFYING
BURN IT WITH FIRE
I KINDA WANT TO TOUCH IT IS THAT WEIRD
Yeah, when I first scrolled past it, I was like “Oh, a manta ray, how cute!” Then I went back and…nope. Nope nope nope.
They did! And then I ate it!
D’awwwwwwwww
Personally I’m ok with the monkfish being ugly as sin, because then I feel less bad about eating him.
Commenting under this one because I don’t want all my angst and bullshit hanging out in the open where everyone can look at it
Ugh, I’ve had one of those cried-at-my-desk-multiple-times weeks and I’m getting worried. A month ago I was feeling great about a lot of things in my life– my job, a new relationship, new friends, etc., and now all of those things have shown themselves to be more difficult, less fulfilling, more complicated than anticipated. Things are objectively more stressful in the last couple of weeks but my reaction to it is starting to feel like depression– something I’ve been through before but haven’t had to worry about for a few years. Nothing’s truly going *wrong* so I feel like I’m nuts to feel terrible like this. How do you separate out normal stress from bigger stuff? How do you meet your deadlines when you just want to put your head down on your desk all day?
Maybe that’s vague and hard to respond to but I dunno, it feels good to type it out
Sometimes just saying (or writing) the thing is really helpful, getting it out into the open instead of twisting silently in the dark interior where you can’t really assess its size or shape.
If you decide it’s right for you, checking in with a therapist or doctor is just another logical step in that progression: not a big-deal capital-T Thing, just a way to assess what’s happening inside you by bringing some of it outside where you can see it better.
There’s no downside to a tune-up visit with your therapist. I recognize your feelings. Been there. Get a little help, even if it doesn’t seem serious. I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks. I’ve been meaning to make an appointment but I tend to psych myself out thinking about all the insurance hoops I’ll have to jump through and oh god, I’ll have to MAKE A PHONE CALL (dies from all the effort required). But I should probably just suck it up and do it today.
Yup, you should do it. If you start feeling worse it is going to be waaaaayyyyy harder to make that phone call!
I’m cheering for you – I was in this place a few months ago. Definitely talk to a therapist or doctor. They’ll help you figure out what your “normal” is and what your “worse than normal” is.
Also re: meeting deadlines – When I was in my deepest depression, it helped to tell myself that I’ll just get ONE thing accomplished each day. Some days that one thing was as small as sending an email. As long as you don’t have something due tomorrow, put away your to-do list and just focus on what you can do right now (like sending an email, or reading an article, or writing a paragraph). Then, when you accomplish that thing, reward yourself with a walk outside or a chocolate croissant, and then come back and accomplish one more thing.
Either way — having Too Much bad stuff to handle, or just being unable to handle what should be a more or less regular amount of bad stuff — therapy sounds nice! Or even just good talks with the right friends, if you have the right friends in a place where you can do that. (If that makes sense — I know plenty of people I’d go to dinner with who wouldn’t be right for that kind of thing…)
Good luck.
I brought donuts to the guys who fixed my car to let them know I forgive them for scratching it in the process. And I let the nice neighbor lady know I’m pretty sure that she’s got a vicodin problem.
Can we also talk about attempted kindness gone horribly wrong?
Because I gave someone directions the other day and didn’t realize until an hour later, when I was patting myself on the back for general awesomeness, that I’d given her WRONG directions and left out a crucial step and OH GOD what if she thinks I did it ON PURPOSE? I’m so mortified.
This is me literally every single time I give directions. I always fuck it up. I am a monster!
Honestly, whenever I ask someone for directions I always end up forgetting them halfway through and then asking someone else. So you are probably off the hook there!
I get nervous and keep re-asking. I hope she did, too.
Oh man I did this recently to a blind gentleman and it went so horribly wrong. I managed to save it so that my humiliation was only known to me but omg so many lessons learned. It’s a long story but it involves me having to get off on the wrong floor from an elevator but make it look like it was on purpose and oh god the shameeeeeeee
This is one reason I rarely give directions! But! On Tuesday in Boston which is a city in which I do not live, a man asked me if this was the way to the T stop, and I told him it was because it was and I knew it! 😀 😀 (I was going to the same T stop)
I’m GARBAGE at giving directions. When it’s a stranger asking, I usually just lie and say “sorry, don’t know where that is” and deal with that guilt rather than the guilt of messing up and giving bad directions. If it’s someone I actually know, I just get irritated and say “Just google it!! Gosh!!!”
She was standing outside the window of the apartment I’ve lived in for 5 years asking directions (from somebody who spoke minimal English) to a major intersection less than a mile away. *dies of shame*
One time I had to call someone back literally like five times because I kept giving them the wrong directions. East/West left/right is hard, ok.
Something I did that was kind? Last night I made popcorn for my husband and he was so excited because he was just thinking he wanted some and was hoping I would make it. It was delicious. Plus I let him have most of it.
Also, does anybody know how to deal with a SEVERELY stuck zipper? Nothing is caught in it and it does not want to move. I can occasionally get it to go up (not down, of course) and it keeps wanting to occasionally put two teeth in the spot for one tooth. Do I just need to get it replaced?
I have a friend who is really good at unsticking zippers so I take things to her. That is all I can think of.
Does she take deliveries by mail?
I’m checking…
Have you tried bar soap? Rubbing it over the zipper can sometimes give it enough (what’s the opposite of friction?) to move. Just rub it right on that zipper and work it into the teeth as best you can.
I’ve tried candle wax and WD40, no dice. I think there is something seriously wrong in the inside of the zipper.
Good things this week! I got my permanent UK residency on Tuesday! It cost a buttload, and was stressful to apply for, considering how draconian the UK home office has become, but I’m so, so relieved to have it! Also, the place where I applied has a Costco right next to it, so I bought 400 coffee filters and a liter of maple syrup to celebrate.
Also, it was our 2nd wedding anniversary yesterday and we went out and got drunk and ate messy, messy burgers, and I felt like David Hasselhoff in his burger video, but in a really good way.
Congratulations! I submitted permanent residency paperwork last night and now I have to wait patiently several months while trying not to panic.
A litre of maple syrup is fine way to celebrate. 50th anniversary is silver. 2nd anniversary is maple syrup.
Congrats, on residency and the anniversary! My sister-in-law, who is a UK citizen, is trying to get paperwork sorted for her two kids, and it sounds ridiculously complicated.
Thank you! Yeah, the initial spouse visa was a bigger pain in the ass than this one, but just knowing that I could get thrown out of the country for a somewhat arbitrary reason, like not having enough letters addressed to me at my residence, still had me stressed (on top of the ridiculous cost).
Aravis, fingers crossed for your visa! I am sure it will be fine, but the wait game is such a drag. I hope it comes through quickly for you!
RoseCamelia, I think every anniversary should be a maple anniversary! GOOD PLAN.
Kateeek, yes, the husband and I were just commenting the other day on the cost of visas for kids (why can’t they be half-priced due to shorter stature!?). I can feel your SIL’s pain :/
Is anyone else clicking on articles on this site but it’s taking them to ads instead, or does my computer have a virus? Also, how do I post a picture of my dog??
I find that if I do not wait for the page to completely load it jumps around so I think I am clicking on the article but I really clicked on the ad.
To post a picture you need to have it somewhere else on the web. Get the root URL by right clicking the image and choosing open in a new window. The new window should just have the picture and nothing else.
Then type
with your URL in place of the URL.
Hope that makes sense. I just learned how to do it last week.
I do not know how to write this out without it trying to display an image. 🙁 Maybe someone else knows how.
It’s like:
(img src=”Its URL goes here” alt=”A short text description of the image”)
Except use <>’s instead of parentheses!
You are a such gem, but the part where you wrote “then type:” looks like a dinosaur skull instead of words 🙁
I had that problem yesterday, even after waiting for the page to fully load. I would click on the “replies” section of a comment in the thread, and it would take me to an ad. It was on my phone, so I wasn’t sure if that was the issue…
I think it only happens when I click on the title of an article and not when I click on the read more part….
I had that happen with one particular article yesterday! It might be a weird ad.
I felt like I was living on another planet from everyone I love this past week. I’m feeling better (therapy!! everyone go to therapy!! it’s the best!) but now I’m just emotionally exhausted. I’ve decided this weekend to not think sad/frustrating thoughts and hopefully will have a better week next week.
Can we talk about ice hockey for a minute?!?! I love the Kings and the Hawks and hate the Rangers so this Cup final is going to be DEEEEELIGHTFUL for me no matter who wins the West, although I hope just a little bit it’s the Hawks.
I’m a Hawks fan and almost died during first OT the other night.
LOL THE EAST
Hello Toasties, long time lurker and spreader of articles around my workplace but first time poster – I have an entirely unoriginal problem. My boyfriend broke up with me at the end of last year. It was pretty serious and I was a distraught little mess. I’ve been doing everything you’re supposed to to get over him; no contact, millions of activities, long waily cry sessions. And it was working! I was on the longest stretch so far of feeling like I am genuinely moving on! But then this week I found out from mutual friends that he has another girlfriend. And it is like I have been catapulted back to when we just broke up. I can’t stop thinking about them and guys my mind box is being horribly creative 🙁
Have any of you been through a similar situation and if so how did you move on and get yourself to stop thinking about it? If not I would also like to know if you ate anything delicious this week 🙂
Ahh, I am so sorry. This is awful, and the worst, and you are doing everything right, I am going through a similar situation in that I am an idiot and felll in love with a colleague who I have been nothing but platonic with for fifteen years, of course he is married, we realised we were in danger of jumping in the sack if we kept up with all the sharing of stuff and the fun friendship and lovely emails, and so we have quit. But it is HARD and I am just, so, damn, sad, and I miss him, even though this is the only thing to do. One thing that helped is reading Why We Love by Helen Fisher. It gives a scientific explanation for what is going on in your brain right now. It helped me understand how hardwired we are to fall in love and how powerful the brain chemistry is and also get perspective that there are people who have it worse than me. I deal with the imagining thing by soothingly saying (mentally) “It’s okay” when that stuff pops in my head which allows me to change my brains direction and think about other stuff. Also, it really does help if you can focus on something about them you truly dislike, and make that your mantra. Writing helps me. Just spew it all out, bawl your eyes out, go there and feel it. And then, truly, consider counselling. If you can find a good counsellor, it can really help. Mainly though, I am so sorry. I feel your pain, and you’ve been dealing with this for a very long time, and you are being so brave. It will get better. It will just suck for a little bit longer. This is just a blip in your progress, I promise!
I’m so sorry about your break-up, and that really sucks to have such a set-back when you were doing so well. I’m afraid I haven’t been in a similar situation so my advice may not be the best but I think the best thing to do would be to distract yourself. Get back in touch with old friends, organise events with friends or family, maybe join a class of some kind or even join a gym (this coming from someone who hates exercise). I think focusing on other aspects of your life, be they health or relationships or maybe building up your hobbies, would be a great way to distract yourself enough to stop thinking about it.
Arg IntenseDebate just deleted the rest of my comment! Dammit. One other thing I was going to suggest was maybe try dating casually – of course this is absolutely only if you are comfortable! My coworker went through a break-up a few months ago and recently she has started going on very light and casual dates with a guy she knew from high school. Her ex is doing quite a few crazy things at the moment so she says it’s nice to focus on an exciting new relationship and get back into the dating pool. Of course, this works for her and if you don’t feel ready to start dating then don’t force yourself to!
Also, maybe stay off Social Media if you think it would help!
Hope that helps, I’m sure other Toasties will have lots of better advice though!
Ugh, I am sorry – this is such a sucky problem. I have been there, and the best advice I can give you is to tell yourself that eventually it will get better. Tell yourself out loud if you have to. Say “In one month I won’t feel as shitty” and then just grit your teeth and wait it out.
In the meantime, of course, while you are waiting, try desperately to distract yourself – I trained for a triathlon, and while that may be a little extreme, it made me too tired to stay up at night stewing over the evil ex 🙂 Also force your friends to hang out with you a lot – that’s what they’re for!
The best thing is breakup music and the worst thing is sad breakup music. I’ll start you an upbeat breakup playlist and maybe some others can contribute?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o41A91X5pns – Goody Two Shoes – “If you can’t get over someone, get under someone else, haw haw” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ESdn0MuJWQ – Ridin’ Solo – Actually about masturbating post-breakup https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLUvO8QUmXc – Best Days of Your Life – Taylor Swift informs a male she is fucking his ex girlfriend via eye contact https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaSy8yy-mr8&f… – Before He Cheats – ((I like to pretend the car is a metaphor for the guy’s body sometimes)) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVYesEpMr84 – Never Again – Video features a misandering ghost https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOxAqQtOY-Q – This is Letting Go – [prolonged yelling] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk – Let It Go – Of course
I hope this is some help to you, friend!
Made the mistake of checking this on my work lunch break, now my eyeballs seem to be leaking. You are all the kindest and most lovely people; thank you for such detailed and practical suggestions! I can confirm that I am listening to the amazing break up playlist right now and feeling quite stompy – have also signed up for several runs to train for! Thanks again, I hope you all have wonderful weeks!
I am sorry, that is the pits. I am the worst about that kind of mental scab picking, and what I have found is helpful is shamelessly distracting myself. Every time I catch myself going into a horrible imagination spiral, I think “tomato” to myself (like, I actually picture a tomato, it’s the dorkiest), and then tell myself to think about something else. I find it’s a helpful way to consciously cut those thoughts off at the pass.
The nice thing that I am doing is giving my partner his KICK-ASS anniversary present tomorrow!! I don’t mean to brag, but I bought him a three-foot-tall wooden robot and had a message of luuuuurrrve engraved upon it so it’s the best gift of alllll time. I can’t wait for him to see it aagggh!!
I’m super jealous of your partner. That rules.
Where exactly do you buy a three-foot-tall wooden robot?
Right here! http://www.areaware.com/collections/david-weeks/p…
Now that I look at the dimensions, I guess it is more like two feet. But still!
Everything on that site is amazing!
AMAZING
Giving someone you love an awesome gift is one of life’s best feelings! This is especially true when it comes to the anticipation that you hit that person’s sweet spot/perfect present match and they are going to freak out when they open it. Good luck! That robot looks awesome.
Toast personal finance! How is all our monies doin’ toasties? My partner and I had our monthly net worth round up this morning, and I am feeling good. Makes up a bit for someone making fun of my old (but FINE) bike last weekend. Does anyone else who is into pretty intense saving ever run into these situations? About 99% of the time I am really comfortable in my reduced- consumerist life, but sometimes something like that gets really under my skin.
I made my June budget even though it’s not June yet. Which is good, because I didn’t get May done until the month was halfways over.
Also, I started looking for cheap tickets/accommodations for my vacation. And then realized that because I’m going overseas, the plane tickets plus the hostel deposit might be more than my fairly low credit card limit. So I made a big overpayment on my credit card and will book things when that goes through. (I have the money saved, it’s just weirdly hard to spend.)
oh fer chrissake, who makes fun of someone’s bike?
People at the APPARENTLY chill and friendly bike repair co-op. I am FURIOUS.
RUDE. Kill them.
oh my god, I assumed you were going to say it was some asshole friend of yours but EMPLOYEES at a BIKE STORE said that to you? people whose literal job is to help you? that’s APPALLING.
Huh. I’d like to start doing smarter personal-finance things, but… how do you have productive conversations when your net worth is, like, -$40k, and equally likely to marginally improve or slide deeper into the red every month? Is it worthwhile, or better to focus on tiny steps?
I think you have to look at the big picture for an overall view, then start with small steps. Just like a road trip. 1) where are you, 2) where do you want to be in 5 years, 3) what do you need to do every year/month/week/day to make that happen?
Ha, is that how road trips work? I don’t drive, though I’m planning to learn this summer. Cars & driving seem like a terrifying money hole too.
For me – and my situation sounds different than your own – finding a way to focus on small successes, and to celebrate those, made the hard parts all the easier. We calculate ours because we make some pretty big sacrifices to see that number grow, and it feels good to track it. There’s something to be said about being accountable to ourselves and the decisions we’ve made. Are you in a relationship and sharing finances with someone? If you are, do you thinking having a time you could rationally and calmly check in to your shared accounts and just see how you feel as a unit, would be beneficial?
Thanks! Do you have that monthly planning session as a regularly-scheduled thing, that you do regardless of how much has changed?
I’m in a relationship, yes, and we’re starting to talk seriously about merging our finances (now or in the future) as we prepare to move in together. The thing is, I get that rush you talk about from tracking my money, putting things in savings, etc., and he doesn’t want to deal with it at all. We’re both grad students with small incomes and student debt, so there’s never a lot of good news. The first time we put everything on the table, with debts and savings and projected incomes, is going to make me a little nervous.
We do! We chat about how we feel with our savings goal, if they’re too aggressive, or if we want to up them a bit, and what we want to do with all our sweet loot when we decide to bail on the rat race. When we started dating, I didn’t want to deal with anything either, and I sort of just grew out of that as our relationship grew, I guess.
Could you reframe what “good news” looks like to you? If you manage to cut back in some little way, and save that money, at some point, you’d maybe have enough to get nachos and beer and that’s pretty good news! We do a lot of things like that, to have little achievable goals we can feel good about.
It has been rough. I have so much travel this summer: just got back from wedding + graduation trip over memorial day, Los Angeles in July and PEI in August. Plus the nice weather here has been encouraging lots of spending on going out. And pride is next weekend. I just want to have all the nice experiences for free is that too much to ask?!?! The margin in my checking account is much lower than I like it to be and the amount I’ve charged on my credit card and have to pay by next month is daunting.
So even though I probably should just keep this money around next week I’m going to use $2k to pay off this small student loan that I hate because it bills quarterly. Yay?
Love this thread! Love it. Nothing new here, except I think I finally have a grand total bill for my recent appendix shenanigans and whooofffff. Body. Body, you are EXPENSIVE. But OK, I can pay this off, I just have to sit tight and keep sticking to my budget.
In related news, does anyone have suggestions for vacation plans on a major budget? I’m due a lot of time off this summer, and while I’d like to go visit friends around the country, I’m thinking it might be a good call to stay in town and do low-cost stuff this year instead. Maybe a grand tour of DC for a week? (I live in Baltimore so transit wouldn’t be expensive, and the Smithsonian’s free.)
Camping? It’s the cheapest option I know of for getting away from home for a bit, once you have the equipment. But it does require liking camping, and it pretty much requires having people who will go camping with you.
DC can be fun! I love museums. You might also try setting up flight alerts for the friends who you’d really like to see, and see if you can snag one set of super cheap flights?
I’m…not so great at doing kind things for people? I’m not really a KIND person. But tonight I’m giving my faboo partner a full body massage (two-plus hours) because the poor boo has a really rough month ahead of him and we’re not going to see much of each other for the next two weeks.
In other news, I’ve been posting articles and essays about the Isla Vista nightmare/#NotAllMen/#YesAllWomen to my FB nonstop. This is the most active I’ve ever been on that dreadful site and it sure has been instructional on whom I can gleefully cull from my life.
I know that everyone has been inundated this week with this, but how are you supposed to deal when your best-friend-since-age-16 (I’m 32) apparently has zero interest in the world outside of her little bubble, and is friends with people who put up statuses like “Women will truly find anything to complain about” (obviously in response to #yesallwomen). I chimed in that they might complain because y’know culture of violence and all and I swear I tried to keep it short and sweet (just left the 1 in 3 statistic!)….this led to OP telling me that domestic violence goes both ways (#notallmen!) and it was ‘disgusting’ for women to make this about them when clearly it was just about mental illness and not misogyny and not guns, as though any of those things are mutually exclusive, oh and why are women complaining about getting hit on too much? I got angry and wrote that I guess as someone who was recently attacked and groped on the street that I guess I didn’t think it was as funny as everyone else. Then “best friend” proceeded to like comments on this status like “Sounds like 2 in 3 got nothing to complain about then” and I was told I was “mis-directing my anger”. I literally cried on the subway I was SO ANGRY.
Same friend also told me last time I saw her that there was no need to fight for abortion rights because it’s not like they are ever REALLY going to take them away (we live in NY) oh and also she is now “fiscally a republican” presumably because of her husband. She is coming to visit me tomorrow and there will be drinking and I KNOW I am going to have to bring this up. How do you deal when your friends aren’t feminists? (besides stop engaging in facebook fights, I KNOW, but it’s SO HARD).
Let this visit be her last. Honestly, you gotta let this person go. This is happening with me at the moment too, and it really hit me when my mom asked me “Would you be friends with her if you met her now as opposed to in high school?” And the answer was NO and I felt a lot better because why keep people around who aren’t good for you?
This. Sometimes it’s best to just let a friendship go. Friends don’t (knowingly) make you cry. And if they do (unknowingly) make you cry, they APOLOGIZE LIKE HELL. What you just described? Isn’t really a friendship anymore.
Thanks, I think you are probably right…I am terrible at letting people go but I definitely would not seek her out as a friend now.
Block her on your newsfeed AT MINIMUM. And if you want to keep her in your life (do you? maybe you’ve grown apart), nix all talk of politics. I have to do this with family, just be very breezy — “Oh, we’re never going to agree on that! Subject change!”
I feel your pain. That sounds absolutely horrible. It’s one thing to disagree, and quite another to be so flippant and cruel about it. (PS, I love these people who keep insisting the UCSB shooting had nothing to do with misogyny despite the 130+ page manifesto that was pretty much entirely about misogyny.)
Yep, I have a 0 tolerance policy for terrible stuff on my facebook feed – unsubscribe, unsubscribe, unsubscribe! I am much happier!
It sounds like this person is seriously toxic though – if they don’t care that they’re hurting your personal feelings (not just debating some abstract topic) they’re not really your friend.
I think it hurts me even more when it’s someone I love and think “should be smarter” than this.
Agreed! I had to eventually remove some old friends because we were just too different in ways that negatively affected me. It’s actually not as hard as it seems right now. Good luck!
Took a little trip to the ER last night to find out I have a kidney stone. Joy! I think I’ve discovered my main issue with health care providers is that I unrealistically expect them to respond to my aches/illnesses as my dear mother would.
OH NO, I’m so sorry! I hope you’ll be recovering/passing/kersmashing it up with lasers (whichever is the most likely treatment scenario) with a minimum of pain and inconvenience. How are you doing?
Oh, poor dear 🙁 I hope you heal quickly and feel better soon.
Aw Thanks! Actually doing pretty well. Came in to work and everything. I think it’s a pretty small/minor thing, but there was no negotiating with my very caring roommate last night about going in to the ER while lying on the coach moaning.
I just need to rant somewhere, so I apologize.
I had to go to the Passport Agency today because when I applied for my passport THREE MONTHS AGO the incompetent agent didn’t sign the form or indicate where the app had been executed. I got a letter in the mail a few weeks ago saying I needed to come back and re-execute.
Okay, annoying, but fine. I made an appointment today, waited for THREE HOURS for my number to be called, and finally had to leave because I needed to go to work.
I cried, treated myself to a cab to my office, and now I’m too upset to even concentrate on work. 🙁
Ugh! Hopefully the universe will make this go your way soon.
Bureaucracy sucks! I am so sorry you’ve had to go through all of that. I hope it gets sorted and life rewards you with delicious ice cream or other frivolous, feel-good niceties for having to put up with all of that.
Uggghhhh I feel like the worst stereotype this week. I got taken to the cleaners by a home-repair, guy. Just ridiculously! And I was trying to ask questions and be savvy, too, and just totally failed. He seriously charged 100 times the cost of the parts he was replacing. (We’re talking $80 worth of parts and maybe 1.5 hours of very simple labor) And he made this big deal about how he was going to replace plastic parts with metal and then … replaced them with plastic and didn’t even say anything. My husband confronted him about it later and he was just like, “Oh, I didn’t have that.”
And then he broke something during the repair and tried to charge another $300 to fix it (a $30 part, of course). At least we didn’t pay that, but it was more my husband calling him on his bullshit by that time. I am just going to put on my June Cleaver pearls and kick myself off the commune, y’all.
OH MY GOD RAAAAAAAAGE.
Also? Adorn your wonderful self in those beautiful pearls because YOU DESERVE TO FEEL LIKE A GODDESS. It is not your fault that the repair guy asshole cheated and tricked you. It is not your fault that he (possibly intentionally?) broke something else. It is 100% HIS FAULT for being A COMPLETE DOUCHEBAG.
Thank you, I needed some sympathetic rage! I am definitely going to write some very honest reviews on Yelp and Google.
I am SO FURIOUS on your behalf. I hate hate HATE getting taken in that gendered way even more than I just plain hate getting taken. FLAMES. ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.
But you know, right, that your partner negotiating the tricky second part of that scammer’s scam in no way invalidates your feminist cred or whatever? Because we all navigate this world as best we can and if we have partners or friends or colleagues who can help out, that’s just a bonus, not a failing.
KILL ALL MEN. That kind of shit makes me madder than anything. I’m so bad at being assertive about things even when I know what I’m talking about, which I generally don’t. The only thing that has helped is constantly filling myself with feminist rage and approaching all men in these kind of situations with extreme, hostile suspicion.
I mentioned my incredible uterine hulk a few months ago. Since then I have been trying to meet with someone who can schedule me for surgery here in Small Town , Texas. First I waited weeks for a scheduler to call from the gyno my GP recommended. Then the gyno can’t see me for 6 weeks. 5.5 weeks later, gyno calls to reschedule … 6 more weeks into the future. 5.5 weeks more, and I ask how to manage my menstrual flow for the appointment and … gyno says no menstruating, must reschedule … another 6 weeks into the future. Through clenched teeth I ask to be given an opening the gyno surely reserves for patients with serious conditions. My incredible hulk could be cancer; why are we waiting? Scheduling nurse says well your GP would have referred you to an oncologist if it were cancer. Somehow I avoided yelling, cursing, or snarling and accepted that 6 week appointment. Then I called a big hospital in Houston who connected me with a gyno, whose nurse shared my sense of urgency. I almost sobbed when she apologized for making me wait 2 weeks to meet her gyno. I met him today.I like him. He scheduled my hysterectomy before I left, for 3 weeks from now. I am so relieved.
I will call that first Small Town gyno the day before that appointment I still have. I will tell them I must cancel because I am scheduled for a hysterectomy “next week”. And sorry I didn’t cancel sooner. My phone schedule is full 6 weeks in advance.
Oh, RoseCamelia, that sounds so awful and stressful. I’m sorry. And how smart of you to track down someone who can see you sooner and take the good care of you that you deserve! I hope everything goes smoothly and that your recovery is as easy as it can be. I’ll be thinking of you.
Thank you, E. Your supportive thoughts and comments mean a lot to me.
Geeez, that is ridiculous! I am glad you are scheduled to get the treatment you need, and I hope it goes very smoothly for you.
Thank you, belle. It feels good to see “ridiculous” in your note. I feel validated.
Jesus fucking Christ. That’s insane. I want to slap that institution on your behalf.
Thanks, Prawns. You make me feel protected.
What a nightmare, I can’t imagine how scary and frustrating that whole thing has been. Sending you good vibes and wishes for quick healing. If there is anything Houston does right, it’s top notch medical care, you’re in great hands I’m sure of it. Hugs.
Beekay, I needed those internet hugs. Thanks very much. Will I get to meet you next week at Texas Toast?
Yes, I’m gonna make the road trip from Houston for it and everything. Is it weird that I’m a little nervous about it?
Not weird. Understandable. Human nature. You will feel better if you believe me when I promise to accept you as-is, no matter what happens, no matter what you do.
I’m nervous too. I write so much better than I speak. And I am afraid I will say the wrong thing and unintentionally make someone feel judged.
RoseCamelia, I am in awe with the grace and patience that you handled the small town gyno and the entire situation! I also can’t understand that lack of urgency?!?!?
As someone who had a hysterectomy after being diagnosed with (ovarian) cancer, I understand the horror, pain, and fear that comes with the territory. Sending so much love and support to you during this time.
Nononononono. Little patience, ever. Much teeth grinding and cursing my entire, extensive blue vocabulary to the spouse. Poor little dogs got so upset with the wailing every few days for months on end.
You are just so kind. Thank you. I am sorry to hear you have/had (hoping for the latter) cancer.
All right, perhaps not patience, but either way (from what I see here), you are handling this wonderfully.
And yes, had! Sorry for the ambiguity of my last comment! I’ve been cancer-free for 6+ years and counting. 🙂
According to USPS tracking, my Ronbledore shirt should be waiting for me at my apartment when I get home from work!
Mine should be here tomorrow. YAY!
I’m absurdly excited about being one of only like 67 people to own a shirt.
Mine too!
Ooh mine’s supposed to come today too! (which is exciting because it was originally supposed to come on Saturday but I had it shipped to work because getting stuff at home is a massive pain, and now I don’t have to wait till Monday!)
I bought my friend lunch for his birthday? That was a thing. I don’t know that it was particularly kind. But it was a delight to see him and even more so to see so many Toasties in Boston (YOU GUYS I HAVE MET RATTIE PAWS’ CAT AND SHE IS A DELIGHT AND SO IS HURDY BURDY’S)
And in a week I should know more about a job situation, and that will be nice to know.
I posted this over in Link Roundup, but I think I missed the comment boat on that.
Guys, I’ve been reading so many articles about the Isla Vista shootings, and being an idiot and reading the comments, and yesterday I read an article in my newest Rolling Stone about some famous Vine-r guy who raped his Vine-r famous ex girlfriend- had sex with her while she was sleeping, while she was possibly concussed, and his mom defended him by saying he was just “lovingly waking her up” and I wanted to VOMITPUNCH EVERYTHING. His whole defense was basically just the “she was asking for it, and she was totally into me more than she said she was,” and people are making me ILL with this shit. And I should just never read comments anywhere but here, because people are just infuriatingly terrible in comments. I’M VERY TIRED OF PEOPLE SAYING TERRIBLE THINGS. LET’S ALL TAKE TO THE SEA.
In short, please send me more puppy gifs. This week unsurfaced a lot of terrible, and I would like to drown it out with sweet doggies.
I think my kind thing has been not murdering anyone. Does that count?
Yes, that counts. So say we all.
So say we all.
Do you know if that article is online anywhere? Because I want to read it so I can hate the world even more.
Yep, and I’m sorry in advance.
JOIN ME IN MY RAGE.
BULLDOG ON A TRAMPOLINE BULLDOG ON A TRAMPOLINE OMG
I was a saint to my dying mother and I am going to continue doing that every other week for the next 3-6 months (?) even though she is technically a monster. and I continued to bankrupt myself by paying for two daily visits from the cat sitter while I was away instead of one because it is not enough for her to be fed, she also needs someone to play with her bug-on-a-string with her. I win the human race, give me a prize.
now I am going to be kind to all of you as well by giving you some advice: do not get cancer while living in a state with shitty medical marijuana and assisted suicide laws. it just isn’t a good idea.
Ouch. You are a good person. You are a better person than I could ever imagine being.
oh man that is exactly the kind of thing I like to hear.
Damn that’s rough. Take care of yourself.
Hi Toasties! Thank you to everyone who replied to my distressed thread about theology and dudebros two weeks back. It seems that the best solution to all that anguish is to decide “to hell with how dudes/anyone who’s not me try to define my faith,” which is working out much better for me these days.
Also I went and got all my hair chopped off two days ago! I am trying to keep this a secret from my family until I visit them at the end of June so instead I’m spamming selfies all over the internet to relieve the itch to show off. Look! Look! http://toushindai.tumblr.com/post/87145862580/i-b… http://toushindai.tumblr.com/post/87193955590/do-…
The Toast article from a while back about short hair factored into my decision, so thank you?!
I LOVE your new hair!
Cute!! I actually cut my hair to about the same length a few days ago (though it’s more flippy and less sleek), and I’m still grinning at mirrors as I walk past them.
Mine is flippier when not styled, so Hair Twins High Five! I am also doing the mirror thing constantly.
I can’t see the photos because Tumblr is blocked at work, but I am getting a chop on Sunday! Going for Clea Duvall in But I’m A Cheerleader.
I HAVE TURQUOISE HAIR AND I LOVE IT
Somehow (fingers crossed) it has not been a problem in my conservative work environment. In fact, people seem to really like it.
It’s amazing!
I like it too! But you don’t need my approval, you awesome woman with your fierce turquoise tresses.
HELLO, GORGEOUS
Your hair is amazing! And I think it looks extra gorgeous with the color of your shirt 🙂
Oh my lord (“Eloise” forever). My partner of six years surprised me with his grandmother’s ring last weekend. It was private, sweet, and quite unexpected!
It set a lot of things in motion, some things that are pleasant (my grandfather crying with happiness) and some less so (an ex showing up in my professional life).
Rebecca Mead’s book should go to the top of the to-be-read list, right? Are there any books on the subject that won’t feel gross to read? I need a beer and a good page one that says, “All this planning is daunting but you are going to be OK.”
Apracticalwedding.com
Get her book, it’s a lifesaver. A dear friend gave it to me for an engagement present and it allowed me to keep my sanity.
Thank you for the recommendation! Sounds more productive than my current plan to preserve my sanity (ice cream sandwiches instead of lunch).
This website saved my sanity during wedding planning. I think it was not great for my mother’s sanity, because I said “We aren’t doing that.” to so many things she thought were important, and “Nope, that’s important, I’m spending money on it” to things she thought were not – it gave me strength to be definite about my expectations and needs.
It also kept me from burning my in-laws with fire, forever and ever.
The Miss Manners wedding planning guide is excellent for when you want to be scrupulously correct – if you need to explain why someone is not invited, she gives you permission to say, “It’s just a small wedding, with close family and a few old, dear friends.” – even if there will be 300 people.
A Practical Wedding, One Perfect Day (which I personally think is a bit too snooty, but it’s still worth reading), Offbeat Bride (if you’re inclined to be a weirdo about things, as I am). Also I found The Conscious Bride and Emotionally Engaged to be super-helpful even though they are very “70s Consciousness-Raising-y” and heteronormative. They helped to explain why, even though I was super-sure I wanted to marry The Man, and very happy about it, I couldn’t stop crying.
I give A Practical Wedding as a standard engagement present to every woman I know (well enough to gift them) who gets engaged.
Wow, thank you for the list! Will check these out.
(If Jane Marie would please go back in time and write about this, and also eye makeup tips for the real day, that would be ideal.)
Good luck! (Also congratulations and eternal happiness to you and the intended).
Also the offbeatbride.com forums are actually a great, super-supportive and (IMO) very Toast-like community. I got a great deal of my ideas and vendor recommendations from there (and I had a traditional-looking Cuban-Italian Catholic wedding).
Hurray and congratulations to you both!
All this planning is daunting but you are going to be OK. Really.
The single best thing we did for our wedding, after reading a lot of wedding-planning stuff that just never got low-key enough for us, was to give up wedding-planning guides and start reading party-planning guides instead.
Party-planning guides tackle almost all of the practical aspects we needed covered with none of the weird gendered-assumption-driven wedding-industrial complex tone that I found so smothering. I know that approach isn’t what everyone wants, but it’s a thought.
Whoa, that is an amazing idea! Thank you!!
It worked really really well for us: I needed to calculate how much floor space we needed to accommodate how many chairs, and how much ice to buy for how many drinks, but I didn’t need advice about draping those chairs in ivory tulle or on keeping gender-stereotyped mothers from each others’ throats, y’know?
One wedding-specific thing I wish I had considered: because we had a DIY wedding and DIY ceremony (performed by The Fella’s sister), there was no one experienced enough to establish a time table for the actual wedding ceremony in advance, and we kinda zipped through it early and fast, meaning some guests had only just arrived at the hall by the time we entered and started the ceremony.
A more experienced professional wedding person would surely have set a schedule and encouraged us to give people a few minutes to settle in. But that’s not a piece of advice prominently featured in any of the indie/offbeat books, articles, and forums I read, either, so I’m mentioning it here.
Congratulations and best wishes!
I don’t have any advice on books to read, since my husband and I went to the courthouse. I think I’d be in jail for murder right now if I had had to plan a wedding ceremony.
Dear Miss Manners,
Paraphrase: I am saving up for my wedding. Flowers are more expensive than I thought. Then there are the caterer, hall rental, cake, gown, etc.
Commence honest-to-goddess quote I remember word-for-word after 18 years: “What is the minimum a young bride needs?
Gentle reader,
A groom.”
End quote.
A nice thing I did is decide to work with a non-profit women’s career mentoring program, to help some younger designer lady with her career. I’m excited, I meet her next month!
Last week I joined eHarmony. It is equal parts exciting and terrifying. I mean, statistically there are probably a few sociopaths I’m getting matched with, right?
I actually failed the eharmony test so maybe they are screening out the sociopaths too!
I posted downthread about joining Match. I looked at eHarmony but it was way more expensive.
And you’re probably not getting matched with any more sociopaths than on any other dating site …. right?
I joined on the advice of a friend who said since it’s more expensive, it weeds out a lot of people who aren’t serious about it. I figured something needed to change, why not. I WILL be administering the psychopath test before agreeing to a first date.
Good luck on Match, lady!
Is eHarmony still discriminating against gays and atheists? My info is old.
Well, I chose the option “neither religious nor spiritual.”
Discovered today that WIlliams-Sonoma sells an tiny individual-sized ice cream maker. http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/zoku-pers…
I’m glad it’s the end of the month, because most of next month’s shopping budget is going to be dedicated to ice creeeeeeaaaaammmmm
I can personally assure you that having an ice cream maker will triple your quality of life.
GLORIOUS. Ginger-brown sugar ice cream, here I come.
Hahaha delightful! I have a version of this one: http://www.amazon.com/Cuisinart-ICE-20-Automatic-… in Purple that is a DELIGHT. If you need ice cream recipe suggestions let me know I have OPINIONS.
YES! Speaking on behalf of the entire Toast readership, we need ice cream recipe suggestions.
I HIGHLY recommend the Jenni’s ice cream cookbook:
http://www.amazon.com/Jenis-Splendid-Ice-Creams-H…
I have been knocking people’s socks off with those ice creams ever since I got the book a few months ago. The recipes take some time but they are worth it in the extreme.
Jeni KNOWS HER SHIT.
I can also highly recommend David Lebovitz’s The Perfect Scoop.
The Perfect Scoop cookbook above all else.
I made cantaloupe sorbet last week and I will be making more soon and it is GLORIOUS.
I am suddenly majorly frustrated about the lack of women training partners at judo right now. I got spoiled at my last club, where I almost always had someone of my size, gender, and experience level to train with. The guys I train with are great, but the ones at my level all outweigh me by 30 pounds, minimum- mostly in the +50 pound range. Plus they don’t move like women, their weight isn’t distributed like a woman’s- it’s just not the same. We have a few women in the club (and one that’s even at my rank), but they don’t show up super often.
On the other hand, I just learned there’s a women only tournament in October, so that’s something to look forward to.
Short of dragging women in off the street, I’m not sure what I can do to get more women in the dojo. Toasties, what would entice you to try judo? (We let you throw people…)
Hmm, I think the things that would be needed to entice me would be a location I could get to by transit easily, a time that fit into my schedule well, and someone telling me that it would be ok that I’m out of shape and my knees are sometimes unhappy. Also I might be less nervous about the idea if there was a women-only beginners class I could join.
Also also, being invited by someone I know would probably help, so maybe try inviting women you know?
Oh hey, I was just asking about what martial art style I should try! What do you like about judo?
In terms of enticement, having a buddy show me the ropes would be great, just to not compound new physical activity anxiety with new social setting anxiety. (Where do I pay? What do I call the teacher? Where is the bathroom? Etc.)
When I’m checking out places, I’m looking for someplace that will give me a challenge, but not look down on me for being out of shape and/or not getting super into the culture of the sport. Definitely I will be more interested if I see other women there.
What do I like about judo? Basically everything! But I’m kind of an outlier- judo is the only martial art I’ve ever wanted to do since I read an article about it when I was ten.
The thing that drew me to judo was the elegance of using someone’s motion against them to throw them. The pins, chokes, and armbars are also pretty fun. It’s great for all body types- there’s throws that work best for short people, tall people, and everyone in between. Every technique you learn you get to practice full-out on actual opponents- there’s basically nothing you learn that you’re only allowed to do to inanimate objects or the air.
People at all kinds of fitness levels start at all sorts of points in their lives- you’re never the only beginner. There aren’t many sports that set you up for how judo wants you to use your body, so no one expects beginners to be especially fit day one. Even the crazy fit BJJ guys that come in to cross train struggle with the throwing side for a while- and honestly, you build better technique if you can’t just muscle through crappy technique. It’s a long road to really good technique- there’s no expectation of perfection, well, ever. And certainly not immediately. But you get an awesome full body workout while you’re on the road.
Dojo culture varies- there are a few very traditional dojos around, but most of the ones I’ve been at have been pretty laid back. It’s a young art, relatively speaking- the “culture” of judo is mostly centered around the basic principles of mutual benefit and welfare and maximum efficiency, minimum effort. The mutual benefit and welfare is a real part of judo, too- you can’t practice unless someone agrees to practice with you, so the real assholes don’t stick around long, usually. I’ve practiced in four states, and pretty much everyone I’ve practiced with has been awesome. Every martial art seems to draw a certain mix of personalities- judo seems to attract kind people with a strong aggressive streak.
If you have any more questions after my essay, I’m happy to answer them! I also know a small amount about the differences in various styles of karate (of which there are…many) and traditional vs. brazilian jujitsu (my dad and my stepmom have two blackbelts each in four different arts, so I’ve been exposed to a range of options).
I’m planning on quitting my job and taking an internship to get out of the admin pink collar circle of hell. Someone please tell me that this is not a stupid risk to take? At the moment I’m only looking at paid internships, so there’s that.
Do it. You deserve to be treated well.
I took a week off from being kind this week, because of the holiday. Last week I paid $10 out of pocket for a couple that was trying to redeem their dog from the shelter and were short on the cash. A clear-cut case of kindness! but I also did it because I wanted the situation to stop, because everyone involved was being really loud. Getting your dog out of dog jail is very expensive, you guys!
Tonight I have to take my own dogs and flee to my in-laws while some of my husband’s co-workers try to abate some of our lead paint. Time was, I would’ve been like, “This is a job for a licensed contractor,” but I have relaxed my standards after getting some quotes. Hope it goes OK! They’re taking down our old drop ceiling and sheetrocking over the paint that’s under it, with the containment and cleaning precautions indicated for lead. Old houses, so charming, am I right? Sometimes I wish fervently that we lived in a soulless development in the county.
Airline rewards credit cards! Who’s got ’em? Who loves ’em? Who’s flown for “free” as the result of using one, and how much money did you have to spend first?
I just got one and I’m super excited about it but also nervous like, what if it’s all a lie?
There were a few Billfold articles on this, if you haven’t already read them: http://thebillfold.com/2012/04/how-to-play-the-ai… http://thebillfold.com/2014/02/taking-the-airline…
oooh thanks
Awesome, this is what I need! Thanks!
ahhhh I’ve been wondering about doing this lately!
I have the AAdvantage card and it has nice perks like free bag check and Priority Access. I’ve never gotten a free flight from only credit card miles (I fly a ton for work), but it’s nice because it keeps my miles “current” (read: they won’t expire at the end of the year) and I’m spending the money anyway. My ex used his cc miles to book a few flights but he was a pretty serious spender. It’s not a lie!
I also ‘cycled’ the AA cards a few times when the miles deals were particularly good. I’ve also heard great things about the Chase Sapphire card rewards as well (you can use them for flights and other travel stuff).
When you’re looking at booking flights… all the airlines have recently restructured the way you spend miles. At least for American, there are “peak” times and “low” times and redemptions will be costed accordingly.
If you have any questions about flying or the miles game, let me know! I’m on the road almost weekly so I have a lot of time socked into air travel =)
This is really helpful! I just got the AAdvantage card and am using it for all my purchases. I don’t fly a super ton, but I do like two-three domestic flights and one international per year, so I’m hoping my frequent flier miles combined with my cc miles will get me somewhere! Thanks for replying!
Hey Toasties! I’m here to help you live vicariously through a recent unexpected event at my place of work! There was a boss-person who was very, um, “difficult” to get along with. This boss-person had been in charge for more than a couple looooong years. There was a lot of general unpleasantness, Stockholm-syndrome-esque psychological torture, and my own anxiety and hand-wringing was to the point where I was almost ready to change jobs to escape the atmosphere that was largely generated by this boss-person.
Enter a recent magical day when we were called together urgently at work first thing in the morning, and other higher-than-boss-person people were there. They announced that boss-person had suddenly resigned as of right now and was GONE. Like, POOF! Vanished from all of our lives. *CLOUDS PARTING, RAINBOWS, UNICORNS, ETC* (We wish boss-person all the best in his or her future endeavours)
This is a completely true story, and I just wanted to share it because work can be HARD, and it can be FRUSTRATING, but sometimes, unexpected changes happen. FIN
You give hope to the rest of us. Bless you.
Oh! That’s amazing! Thanks you for sharing!
Things Awesome: I am going to 90s NIGHT for a friend’s birthday tomorrow night and I am ridiculously excited to dance around and be silly to the music of my middle school mixers again.
Thing Scary: I made a grown-up decision to take advantage of the FSA through work and commit money toward getting LASIK surgery. I am mostly excited (seeing when I wake up! No dust in contacts making me cry!) but also concerned. Everyone I know who has had it done has been thrilled with the results, but what if I’m the outlier for whom it doesn’t work? Or it GIVES me an astigmatism? I also feel a bit guilty, spending that much money on myself, which I know is ridiculous, but there it is.
It was the best thing I ever did for myself and I love my new eyes.
Anything surgical comes with risk, of course, but this is a surgery practiced a thousand times each day. I’d developed an allergy to contact lenses so I didn’t really have a choice (other than being blind and wearing glasses all day every day and glasses always hurt my nose and ears, so) but I’m so glad I did it. I have great vision now and glasses a light prescription for night driving, etc., that I barely ever wear.
I recently got a promotion at work (yay! benefits and retirement and PAID LEAVE) and though I am not super happy at my workplace and the news of the promotion got sort of fucked up I am still pretty happy about the promotion itself. I worked hard for this and though it’s not perfect, it’s my career, not just some job to me.
The thing is my husband (in the same field) also got a promotion, just before mine. But of course, his is like 10x better than mine. So instead of us being relatively on the same field he’s on some diamond encrusted field now. I am totally fine with that, he couldn’t care less if he makes more than me. But when he announced his news people flipped out and gave him bottles of champagne and cards and I barely got a congrats from anyone other than my husband. Am I crazy or is this just fucking bullshit? Like, I know I complain about work a lot, but it’s still good news!
Also, because I feel like all I do is complain lately, I just had an awesome two hour lunch with some coworkers. I’ve worked here for 7 years and yet never really bothered to socialize much outside my department. And I am just now learning how great it is! Hooray!
CONGRATULATIONS!! There has been lots of good news on the career front for Toasties and I’m glad you’re one of them to benefit 🙂
You’re right, that is bullshit. I can’t offer you much except an internet solidarity fistbump, but I’m sorry people aren’t more excited for you. Go take some paid leave and celebrate yourself 😉
Thanks! I struggle to truly acknowledge my own accomplishments, but I need to do better. I’ve been craving some sangria now that it’s warm out. I think I need to get myself a pitcher!
Sounds like bullshit. A solid congratulations to you!
It’s bullshit! Also, congratulations! Even if you don’t work there forever, a promotion is a shiny gold star on your resume “They liked me so much they offered me more money!”
Toasties, I’m concerned about my dad. Generally, but we also had a small thing today. He’s an older guy (and I am younger, and an only child) and he seems to be getting more forgetful and much, much worse at listening/paying attention/absorbing and retaining information. It’s really frustrating and worrying to deal with. Today both of my parents and I were at home, and my dad said he was going out to clean something, and then he just disappeared with the car unexpectedly. My mom SUPER hates it when people don’t make their whereabouts/timelines known (especially because we had just had a somewhat tense conversation about plans), especially because my dad’s communication is not great, and I know that it’s not the biggest thing to be concerned about, but you know what, this is A Thing Mom Really Doesn’t Like (And Never Has). Dad was really surprised when I told him Mom was so upset, and I’m just ???????? They have been married for approximately one million years and this is not a new thing she hates! I know it’s small, but just tell her you’re going wherever! It will take seventeen seconds and she will stop being super anxious about it, and now it won’t turn into Another Big Thing That We Can’t Communicate Clearly About (And Then Everyone Gets Upset For A Variety Of Reasons).
Wow this got kind of incoherent, it’s obviously still not resolved, but how do you deal when one of your parents is being weirder in the brain and it’s causing tension between your parents? Oh and you live at home because everything is so expensive but also you want to explode a little a lot of the time? *dissolves*
Mom, I don’t blame you for being upset. What do you want to do about it?
Dad, sometimes you’re not back when we expect you and it worries Mom and me. How long should we wait before we call the police to report you missing?
The above are separate one-on-one conversations. Your goals are to validate feelings, express your concern, and plan your responses. *Nowhere* on your agenda: changing any behavior other than your own.
Here are the good things: You are all in this together. You all know each other, even if your mom is getting upset more easily lately and your dad is being forgetful lately. You will all support each other and manage. Breathe in, breathe out. It’s gonna be just fine.
This happens when parents age! It’s very frustrating. Aging requires adjustments and new systems, and since this is your home too, you’re in a unique position to make requests for new systems to minimize conflict. Can you ask your parents, framing it as something YOU want if possible, if you can adhere a notepad to the door out of the house and put a sign saying “Where are you going and when will you be back?” That’ll solve everyone’s anxiety about this specific situation, even if there may be a lot of resistance to the idea at first.
Hopefully you have the kind of relationship with your parents where you can say “hey, no one’s at fault for dad forgetting thing and mom reacting to thing, but it’s really getting to me and I’d really like if we could find a way to minimize that from happening again,” but if you don’t, you may be able to still find a way to make this adjustment as long as you frame it about you. You have a right to comfort in this situation, and a system about checkins is not too much to ask in exchange for that comfort.
Hopefully, too, your dad is getting regular checkups. It could totally just be aging (my dad recently forgot my age and I am also an only child, but he’s also getting A’s in upper level uni courses so I’m kind of just brushing it off) but if it’s more serious, it’s something you might be able to express concern about to his GP. *If* the forgetfulness is anything more than age, it’s good to have someone who knows how to catch that early.
I know I’m reading my own experience in to this, but it does sound like what the beginning of dementia looked like in my family. Is your mom Concerned, or just pissed off? This may sound like overreacting, but you might give your local Alzheimer’s Association a call. They definitely have someone you can talk to for free, and it might be either a load off your mind or a chance to do some strategizing around what you can do.
Good luck, friend.
Happy Friday, everyone!
I’m working from home this afternoon and my little Indy is being such a good boy, sitting on the floor by my feet and focusing wholeheartedly on the puppy Kong I slathered the inside of with peanut butter (MUAHAHA) to keep him occupied. I’m glad this week is over, I’ll just say that.
Hi Toasties – I’m a bit late, but oh well.
My dearest, sweetest cat is dying. We don’t know what it is – he’s been losing weight at an alarming weight, very lethargic, dangerously anemic, etc etc. The vet is doing what she can, and has scheduled ultrasounds and blood tests and the like, but we still don’t have answers. He got so severely anemic a few days ago that he had to have a partial blood transfusion. We’ve roughly narrowed it down to his lower GI tract, but not much further than that.
The serious struggle my partner and I are having is that the vet has more diagnostic tests she can do, but they are so, so expensive. She wants to do biopsies in case it’s cancer, an endoscopy, etc. – the cost would be up in the multiple thousands, and we don’t even know if they would find anything conclusive. AND, it’s looking more and more likely that whatever they do find won’t be curable, and the only option would basically be prolonging his life just a little with chemo or other similarly expensive treatments.
Did I mention I’m also getting married in two weeks, and leaving on my honeymoon the day after?
Please send us hopeful thoughts, if you have them – he’s my sweetie boy who has been through so much with me, and my partner is also just wrecked about it, he’s adopted him as his own and loves him fiercely. My instincts say it might be about time to let go – since he got home from the transfusion, he’s either been hiding in a closet or curled up in my lap (and he’s not normally a lap kitty), and to get a bit woo-woo, his light is just so dim. We’re going to see how he does this weekend, though.
Poor little guy! I’m sorry you’re all going through so much at once. Sending good thoughts to all three of you.
Oh, I’m so sorry about your kitty friend! My longtime cat got old and sick a few years ago. It was really hard and very tempting to spend thousands of dollars I didn’t have on tests etc, but as you say, her light was dimming and I just knew that the best thing to do for everyone was to let her go. Trust your instincts and do what you think is right. You obviously love him a lot, and he has a great life with you as a cat-mom! I hope he gets better.
<3<3<3<3<3
I’m so sorry- we just went through the same thing, albeit with a definitive diagnosis. Sending you the best!
I’m so sorry.
Trust your instincts. I had a dog with a brain tumor and after multiple thousands of dollars and treatment he didn’t tolerate well I feel like I did the wrong thing and waited too long. I regret it. A lot.
I completely forgot to answer The Bartender’s question:
I was kind to a friend in need, and I won’t say more than that.
I was kind to my mother, with whom I’m feeling some friction, by letting it go and wholeheartedly giving her the nicest birthday gift I could assemble.
And most difficult, I’ve been kind to myself by allowing myself for once to stay out of the heated hashtag wars in which men (YES JUST SOME OF THEM BUT SOME IS TOO MANY) diminish my humanity as a matter of course, by leting myself close a tab instead of shouldering that load this time, by treating myself with great and appreciative humanity instead of subjecting myself to the offhand scorn of those who doubt it.
This pulling away from the heated issues that shape our lives is not a kindness to my beliefs or my rights or my sisters in arms, but it is a kindness to my heart, and sometimes those things are in conflict. This week, I was kind to my heart. Next week, I will be brave again.
Brave needs rest. Brave is more robust after a rest.
I’m 2 weeks away from the end of my temp gig & am starting to get the shakes about what I’ll do after. I have another p/t job that will pay, like, half my bills, but I’m wanting something full-time, M-F so that I can have a normal social life again. Anyone in Chicago want to give me a magically perfect job that pays me a millllllion doll hairs?
Last week I had to do fieldwork with the person a client hired to “coordinate” their contractors. She was a TERRIBLE person, and it was terrible. It took her only a couple hours for her to offhandedly say that she thinks that scientists who work for private consultants (which is me) are dragging the profession through the mud. Then it was days of her grandstanding about how important she is, being rude, making passive-aggressive insults, and to top it all off we had to share a room together and she refused to let me put the heat on. It was 6 degrees (42 F) all night! And of course she’s with the client so I had to just smile and take it.
On the plus side, I think one of the other places I applied for likes me. They want to do a face to face interview with me and told me it’d be a full day thing. I’m kind of nervous about that, but I figure they wouldn’t waste a full day on me unless there was a very real chance that they’d hire me. If nothing else, a new job would get me away from that horrible woman!
What an infuriating week! I’m glad you’re getting such encouraging signs from a new employer, especially after suffering through that onslaught of passive-aggressive nonsense.
My husbands at a friends leaving drinks and just called me to tell me the friend isn’t even there yet. It’s 20 to 9! So he’s gonna be late home.
Toasties! My birthday was this week, and I spent last night listening to an evening of erotic Great Gatsby fan fiction followed by nerd a cappella, and the room was full of people laughing their heads off, and it was glorious. And in a couple of hours I’m going out for literal cocktails at a fantastic bar. All of which is making up for a week that started off with so much rage at the state of the world.
Happy birthday week! That sounds like a fabulous way to celebrate.
Did it have Nick/Mr. McKee?
No, but there was Gatsby/Gatsby’s yellow car (that one won the “audience’s favorite” vote), and Myrtle Wilson/Dr. T.J. Eckleburg, and the first story was pretty much “everyone at Gatsby’s party”/”everyone at Gatsby’s party.”
Toasties, I am sad. I am trying to become a runner again. I used to love running and was very good at it. I also used to not have hips, which might be part of the problem.
I have ankles that pronate, but I’ve learned how to deal with that and was prepared for soreness as they adapted to new levels of exercise. What I was not prepared for was knee pain. And knee tingling! I have been babying myself and going really slowly and walk/running and doing all the things, but my kneecap has now been tingling on and off for two weeks and I haven’t run for most of that two weeks and it’s slowly getting better but so slowly.
I’m worried that I’m just never going to be able to be a runner again. which isn’t the end of the world, but I want it! I want to do a Tough Mudder, and run marathons.
Are you a heel striker? If so, you could switch to a midfoot strike & that may alleviate the knee pain. It totally worked for me. (You will have soreness in the weird tendons that are around your foot/ankle for a little while as you adjust, though.)
heel striking is how feet work! how on earth do you midfoot strike? Wouldn’t that involve just stomping your whole foot flat on the ground at once?
Check out the graphic with this article: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/magazine/runnin…
No stomping. Your midfoot hits first, then your heel “kisses” (haha I love to think about that) the ground before you push off. I know that article is about barefoot running, but you can do this kind of strike with any shoes. Heel striking is supposed to be what’s so killer about running. I’m not trying to preach, just saying that it works for me & I run almost 100% pain free.
I will look into it! I feel like I know things about gait and feet, but then I remember that everything I know is in terms of walking and standing. I retrained my walking gait from the ground up a couple years ago; threw out my orthotics and mostly fixed my pronation through sheer force of will. So I always think I know what I’m doing but when it comes to running I don’t know nearly as much as I should
I half read Anatomy for Runners by Jay Dicharry earlier this year, and although I got distracted and haven’t finished it, I think I would recommend it. It’s a bit repetitive, but is readable, seemed to make sense, and has a chapter with mobility and stability self tests to see where you might have problems.
Toasties, yesterday I finally bit the bullet and paid actual dollars for a Match.com account. It feels somehow squicky to pay money for a dating site, but I wasn’t having any luck at all on okcupid and I thought maybe this might be better? Uhghghghgghhhh. It’s only been about 24 hours so obviously too soon to really judge, but I *have* gotten two messages so far and they were both a little discouraging. Has anyone had any luck with it?
Oh, good luck. I met my husband there, and know (IRL) at least 4 couples who met on the site.
When I joined, I went out for lots of coffee for a few months and at the end, just when I was about to give up my membership, I met now-husband. The experience was actually kind of good overall, though. I screened ferociously and the less stellar dates gave me great stories to regale my friends with.
At the time, I think my reasoning was that if someone paid for something, they might be more motivated to use it for dating instead of futzing around? (This is not necessarily true, but sometimes you need to lie to yourself I guess.)
24 hours is definitely too soon to tell! I don’t have Match experience, but I’ve been on and off of OkC for the past two years — currently off, or, as I like to call it, on a dating sabbatical. A colleague told me that she joined OkC, Match, and EHarmoney all at once (I quaver at the thought) and liked Match the most. One of her comments was that the pay wall improves the general attitude people you meet have about dating, that they’re less flippant and “ironic” about the experience, etc.
I met my husband on OkCupid! My profile said “You should message me if… you think Gomez and Morticia Addams had the perfect relationship.” He was not the first to message me, but we did messages, then e-mail, then phone calls (summer travel + him finishing his degree made it difficult to meet up) and then started dating.
Something kind I did for someone else:
This week my spouse has been in IT training sessions at work. They’re run by a total misogynist d-bag trainer, and she has been really stressed by it due to the fact that she is the only woman in there. And even before that, aren’t we all a little run down by the UCSB thing? So yesterday I bought her a container of Phish Food ice cream, and when she got home I got it for her and poured her some wine and just generally tried to give her all the goodness I could while she played Mass Effect 2.
I am still really down about the UCSB thing myself. You know how you’re not supposed to read the comments? Well, this time it’s like the whole damn world is the comments. Insensitivity is everywhere, and it’s inescapable… 🙁
That’s… that’s a really good way of putting it. Do you mind if I steal the comments thing?
GAH I mega worked out twice this wk and will be going on a sunset hike later on today! But I am also STARVING and I think eating all the indian food like I want to maaaaaay be setback to my goals. How do you DEAL???
Has anyone tried to make their own hooch out of juice? Like here http://food-hacks.wonderhowto.com/how-to/turn-you…
How did this work out for you? My husband feels like it’s a little — trashy to make one’s own booze (unless it’s wine or beer).
That site’s instructions is pretty similar to making hard cider. (Which, fun fact, you can freeze distill into applejack!)
Make sure you use champagne yeast as the regular beer brewing yeast will die when the alcohol percentage climbs too high.
And yeah it’s a little trashy- we did this a few times in college. It’s not going to taste great lol. If you’re into classier DIY spirits try looking up recipes for limoncello, triple sec, vermouth, or gin.
Did you go to my school?
I mean, probably not, since many of these spirit are hella classy (oh look, a hint as to where I went to school) and we mostly drank cider and applejack and terrible terrible moonshine.
Yes, it’s fun! I’d look at recipes for cider, mead or alternative wines, and some simple supplies from a brew supply are all you need. Many of these fermentation improve with aging, so bottle some to try after some months, up to a year. I’ve had great results with crushed fruit, honey and a floral herb like lavender or chamomile.
Herbs always class up the joint! I also think my husband is worried about disaster, like the time my dad’s demijohns of partially fermented wine blew their stoppers (?) and there was a bit of grape juice flood. But I can’t see brewing that much hooch.
I just finished drinking my first batch of homemade hard apple cider last night, and I have 2 more batches fermenting in my basement. I used champagne yeast for my first batch, and it turned out too dry (YMMV – I like very dry wine, but this was too much). Some bloggers online recommend using lager yeast instead, so that’s what I’m using on my second two batches.
It’s fun! (And how I got drunk in high school, like the classy broad I am.) I used to use condoms for the airlock (you just put it over the mouth of the bottle and release the air each day). It was terrible wine, but I was 16, so.
I’m super late to this (busy busy work afternoon), but I’m breaking up with my boyfriend this weekend and I’m really bummed out about it.
He’s my secondary in my open relationship, so it’s not a devastating thing, but we’ve been together three years, and he is still incredibly sweet. The chemistry is just gone, though, and I feel like I’m dragging him along.
Ugh. This is just not fun.
Toasties. It is late in the day, but I graduate from college tomorrow. On Sunday, I drive from Rhode Island to North Carolina all alone. What even is life.
Congratulations! Well done!
Congratulations, grad! And good luck on your drive/new adventure – may it go smoothly enough to not make you crazy but not so boringly that you don’t get at least one good story out of the trip 😀
I just offered to go shopping with my friend and distract her toddler so she can pick out shoes. BUT, the reason I offered is that she asked her husband to go with her and he said no because he wouldn’t know what to do if HIS OWN FIFTEEN-MONTH OLD SON got fussy in public. I know I’m late here, but this guy deserves some Toastie ire.
I have SEEN overwhelmed dads with fussy children in public. The public bends around their clear need for love and sympathy and
AARGH, WHAT EVEN IS WRONG WITH THAT MAN?
IT IS HIS CHILD. HE IS NOT A BABYSITTER. WHY THE FUCK CAN’T HE PARENT HIS OWN GODDAMNED CHILD FOR 2 HOURS?
Jesus, what a juicebox.
Any recommendations on a type of martial arts that is good for a woman who’s looking for some good exercise and a relaxed atmosphere? There seem to be so many kinds.
The heart is a lonely hunter.
Angle of Repose.
Up the down staircase.
For those of you that have read Young Men and Fire, the last survivor of the Mann Gulch fire has died: Robert Sallee Survivor of Smoke Jumpers is Dead at 82
Plenty of people don't know what they want a tattoo of, that's why tattoo artists work from flash a lot of the time.
Only one of my tattoos really has any vague 'meaning' beyond 'I thought it'd be cool', and that's the one on my back. The first one I ever got.
But every one of my tattoos has been decided by thinking about what I'd want – often I started from 'I'd like a tattoo in *this place*, what would look best?' -, then googling inspiration images, then getting the artist to draw something cool.
A caution: I'd generally advise against tattoos from photographs. Very few artists can do them well. Useully a shape that can be simplified and stylised is better.
Beer, art and walking sounds like the perfect trip. Thanks!