“Why do you hate men, Stepmother?”
“Hate them? I don’t hate them. How could anyone hate a pebble in her shoe?”
“How do lesbians even have sex?”
“I’m so sorry, I can’t hear you with your head cut off. Could you repeat that?”
“Men should think twice before making widowhood women’s only path to power.”
“Now, the most important thing you should know about real misandrists is this – now listen very carefully! Real misandrists dress in ordinary clothes, and look very much like ordinary women. They live in ordinary houses, and they work in ordinary jobs. Misandrists spend their time plotting to kill men, stalking the wretched beasts like a hunter stalks a bird in the forest.”
“He is a gentleman, and I am a gentleman’s daughter. So far we are equal.”
“Can men be misandrists? How can men support the misandrist cause?”
“Now let me see… There’s the large carpet in the main hall; clean it! And the windows, upstairs and down; wash them! Oh yes, and the tapestries and the draperies—-Do them again! And don’t forget the garden. Then scrub the terrace, sweep the halls and the stairs, clean the chimneys. And of course there’s the mending and the sewing and the laundry… Oh, yes, and one more thing. See that Lucifer gets his bath.”
“But…but misandry isn’t real.”
“I can assure you that misandry is very real…real cool.”
“If men could see us as we really are, they would be a little amazed; but the cleverest, the acutest men are often under an illusion about women: they do not read them in a true light: they misapprehend them, both for good and evil: their good woman is a queer thing, half doll, half angel; their bad woman almost always a fiend.”
“Let me put it this way. If you ever start feeling sentimental, go to Barstow, California. When you get here, walk into a florist and buy a bunch of flowers. Then you take those flowers to Huntington cemetery on Fuller and Guadalupe, look for the headstone marked Paula Schultz, then lay them on the grave. Because you will be standing at the final resting place of the patriarchy.”
“First tea. Then we kill all men.”
“No, kill all men first, then tea.”
***
“But you’re so pretty. How can you be a feminist?”
“Okay so are you two lesbians or what”
“I will have but one mistress and no master.”
“So are all feminists just man-hating lesbians?”
“Yes.”
“What, it’s unfair that I’m in love with you?”
“No, it’s unfortunate that you’re in love with me. It’s unfair that you felt the fucking need to unburden your soul about it! Do you remember for one fucking second who I am?”
“Misandrists of England… You are a disgrace! Miserable miserandrists…You are good-for-nothing worms! Everywhere I look, I see the repulsive sight of hundreds, thousands of revolting men. I ask you! Why! One man a week is no good to me!”
“We will do better! We will do much better!”
“Better is no good either! I demand maximum results!”
“It is vain to expect virtue from women till they are in some degree independent of men.”
*Eternal, mocking laughter*
