SAW GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY AND IT WAS ADORABLEEEEEEE. But I also WEPT during the mom parts, because moms! Have you seen it yet? What was the most adorable part for you? Also, I have been angry at Chris Pratt over this since it happened, but I felt so warmly maternal to his character as a result of mom part (likely related to personal news lower in link roundup) that I have…slightly softened towards him.
Oh, and I know characters always get all emo about it, but if anyone wants to turn me into a human weapon via body modifications and several years of brutal training, after which I will be hard as STONE emotionally and physically and able to kill at will, I am there for it! I will sign up! I will NEVER cast aspersions on your beautiful gift. Thank you in advance.
*
My extremely difficult–yet rewarding–friend Josh wrote this screed against honeydew melon, and I, for one, am happy the New York Times allowed him to investigate the matter:
But there’s a major downside to serving honeydew: Americans don’t like to eat it. In 2012, according to the United States Department of Agriculture, Americans consumed five pounds of cantaloupe for every pound of honeydew. We go for cantaloupe even though it’s, on average, 50 percent more expensive than honeydew. Because of that preference, honeydew-cantaloupe parity on breakfast buffets means a lot of honeydew waste.
“I trashed more mass in honeydew than in unfinished stacks of pancakes,” says Dawn Eisner, who supervised a breakfast buffet at the Radisson Plaza in Kalamazoo, Mich., for six years, ending in 2011. “Nobody eats the green melon.” So why even serve it? “It looks nice next to watermelon, cantaloupe and pineapple,” she said.
*
A LONG INTERVIEW WITH WERNER HERZOG.
*
*
I’ve been hearing a ton about Ariel Schrag’s new book, Adam, which I also have galleys of, and the topic initially caused me to do a side-head tilt, so it’s been really interesting to see thoughtful interviews and essays about it, and I’m gonna give it a shot.
*
Dr. Willie Goddamn Parker for Everything, PREPARE FOR THE LONGEST BLOCKQUOTE OF YOUR LIFE AND THEN DONATE:
Many of these women come from hours away, one from a little town on the Kentucky border that’s a seven-hour drive. They don’t know much about Dr. Parker. They don’t know that he grew up a few hours away in Birmingham, the second youngest son of a single mother who raised six children on food stamps and welfare, so poor that he taught himself to read by a kerosene lamp and went to the bathroom in an outhouse; that he was born again in his teenage years and did a stint as a boy preacher in Baptist churches; that he became the first black student-body president of a mostly white high school, went on to Harvard and a distinguished career as a college professor and obstetrician who delivered thousands of babies and refused to do abortions. They certainly don’t know about the “come to Jesus” moment, as he pointedly describes it, when he decided to give up his fancy career to become an abortion provider. Or that, at fifty-one, having resigned a prestigious job as medical director of Planned Parenthood, he’s preparing to move back south and take over a circuit roughly similar—for safety reasons, he won’t be more specific—to the one traveled by Dr. David Gunn before an antiabortion fanatic assassinated him in 1993. Or that his name and home address have been published by an antiabortion Web site with the unmistakable intent of terrorizing doctors like him. Or that he receives threats that say, “You’ve been warned.” Or that he refuses to wear a bulletproof vest, because he doesn’t want to live in fear—”if I’m that anxious, they’ve already taken my life”—but owns a stun gun because a practical man has to take precautions. What they do know is this:
He is the doctor who is going to stop them from being pregnant.
*
*
The fetus in my uterus appears to have masculine reproductive organs. I demanded a recount, of course, but have accepted that I must have chosen to ignore my Bene Gesserit training and bring forth the Kwisatz Haderach.
*
I had originally dumped all of Roxane Gay’s relevant tweets on the Best Buy incident into this roundup, but then, of course, she wrote very beautifully and horribly about it (and the extraordinary committment of racism apologists to denying the racism of the incident in question), and here it is:
All the while, I was on Twitter because I was so frustrated. I was kind of vague about what I was buying and later this would become a Thing because people are the worst. I was being vague because I was embarrassed to be 39 years old, buying a Play Station. I felt guilty for being so consumeristic. I am struggling with no longer being broke all the time and what that allows me to do. I was also feeling awkward because I only use my Play Station 3 to watch movies and Netflix and play Lumines so the purchase felt extra ridiculous. (As an aside, this makes my brothers so mad and I like that part.) There’s no fucking conspiracy here. I just didn’t feel like telling the Internet what I was buying.Meanwhile, in the store, the young man kept requesting the salesperson who made my sale on the intercom. This went on for quite some time. He continued to ignore me. During this entire exchange, I don’t think he said a single word to me. It was like I wasn’t even there.The salesman finally came to the front of the store and verified I had indeed made this purchase. He pointed to the video game and said, “That is on the receipt,” and the young man said, “I know, but…”Let me repeat: My receipt was not good enough.
Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
BRING ME YOUR HONEYDEW I WILL EAT IT
Will you share it with me? I don’t like cantaloupe and am always happy to help finish the honeydew.
what sort of freak prefers cantaloupe to honeydew anyway
ME I DO
we will battle on the fields of blood at noon
You’re Owl Queen now!!! [bows]
it has to be a good cantaloupe! a good cantaloupe is worth its weight in gold!
Even a mediocre cantaloupe is superior to a good honeydew. HATERS TO THE LEFT
ALL CANTALOUPE ALL THE TIME! I will join you in this!
And dammit now I want some.
SAME
Honeydew with some lime juice squeezed over it + a little minced mint = perfection. Honeydew sitting flavorless and mushy at the side of your pancakes at a diner = 🙁 🙁 :(.
Honeydew with lime juice and blueberries and, if you’re a little freaky, avocado and possibly cold, cooked beet. YUM.
I like the way you do!
Ugh I would have said the same thing until I suddenly and with no warning became allergic to both cantaloupe AND the glorious honeydew about 8 years ago. I could feast on that shit. Kill a whole melon in minutes. I still could, but my new allergic punishment is now a swollen tongue, blistered mouth and sneezing for hours. So, yeah. You can have my melon too :,,,(
D: D: D:
*gathers up all of the watermelon while you guys argue about honeydew/cantaloupe*
mwah ha ha ha ha ha
I was into Guardians of the Galaxy bigtime but wished Zoe Saldana was not a random ‘fun’ colour again and also wasn’t all like ‘you are my leader now’ to Chris Pratt, even though he was mostly adorable (sleeping around the universe and forgetting pink girl’s name tho!). All parts mentioning dancing were great, and I loved all the aliens not understanding his idioms. “Nothing goes over my head because my reflexes are too fast” and “Who put sticks up everyone’s butts? That’s cruel.”
“Do not call me a thesaurus again!”
Yes, all this was wonderful! I teared up over the mom parts, but actually cried about Groot. What is wrong with me?
I read an interview with Vin Diesel who said something like ‘Groot is 100% deadly and 100% innocent’ so maybe that’s why. I didn’t cry as I was SURE they would grow him again so everything would be ok and I wouldn’t have to mourn his stupid cute face that he did after skewering the whole line of baddies and thrashing the line around killing everyone else.
I saw it yesterday afternoon, and the farther away I get from it, the more aspects of it are turning from “cute/awesome” to “meh/blech” in my mind.
But not Groot. Groot was amazing, always, and not one ounce of the shine has come off of him. GROOT 4 SPACE PRESIDENT.
Groot is amazing. I also have a personal headcanon, to which you are invited, that Groot is agender, given their confusion with genders when Groot and Rocket are trying to catch Quill. It makes me feel better about the fact that 100% more of the main five characters in this movie are animated than women.
Clearly, Groot = Shale. http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Shale
(I guess I’m okay with the wiki’s use of “it”, but in my house Shale definitely takes the female pronouns.)
Oh you’re right! Watching it, I thought in that scene: ‘like the protagonist in Ancilliary Justice!’ and then forgot about that scene until you reminded me of it. Groot firefly treeball deadly skewer arms love.
Yeah, I’m on that same journey. I’m not at all sure why Quill needed to call Ronan a bitch at the end. (For one small example.)
Why “green whore?” WHY?
YES what is up with that? He could have called her a traitor (technically – betraying the bad guys still makes you a traitor, even if you are right), if they wanted to be all “literalist insult” but whore doesn’t even make any goddamn sense! She doesn’t sleep with or hook up with anyone the entire movie.
Nah, I totally teared up in the mom AND Groot parts. FFS, it might be a world record for getting me to cry that early on in a film (title previously, and strongly held by Land Before Time)
Up will forever be the grand champion of that for me, even if the actual time stamp on the tears is a little higher.
Yes. This. I’m also annoyed that Gamora’s motivation is that she was hurt — all beat up and tortured and lived this miserable life — but Quill and Drax’s motivations are that their female relatives are dead. You know what they say! If you want to deepen a woman character, hurt her; if you want to deepen a man character, hurt a woman. SICK OF IT.
Yes, you’re right. Hmm, agree with you and ThatOtherWench above about how the more I’m thinking about it the less I’m into it. Dammit! Someone please make a space opera with mostly women in please who joined up for fun/kicks/careers/dollar and no abuse backstories, but with similar adorable jokes and Groot. Shall we make one.
Groot for everything.
Every movie has Groot in it now.
All the Avengers are in this same universe, which we know because we saw Black Widow chillin with the Collector at the end of… Avengers? Thor? One of em. Anyway, just imagine Groot hanging out with the Avengers. That’s all you need to have a good day in my opinion.
The Avengers is leading up to a confrontation to Thanos as well, from all indications (esp since Infinity Stones figure pretty largely in their movies) so MOAR GROOT.
I am not a very enthusiastic cosplayer, but now I want to go in some group/couple’s costume as “Groot, ents and/or entwives”
We talked a little after the movie about how weird the cognitive dissonence is in allowing me to speak positively of the current MarvelCU movies, since any other action films that were this bad at including interesting women would just get one big *BLECHHH* face from me.
I’ve even made the case to people that Disney taking up the Star Wars torch is mostly a force for good, given how well they’ve handled Marvel. Really, excellent tales of individuals and stories that stretch both short and long-term. Except when it comes to women. WHICH HAS BEEN TERRIBLE.
I mean, we live in a world where the franchise known as “Disney Princesses” is about 700% more feminist-friendly than the MCU (movie version). If your best role model in a multi-billion dollar franchise can reasonably be judged on a “better/worse than Barbie” scale…
I also feel the movie didn’t quite know what to do with her badassness. On one hand, she was working (kinda) for the most fearsome people in the galaxy but on the other, she seemed to be easily taken out or held hostage when the plot called for it.
Right! She’s supposed to be such a badass, but then any time the plot needs her to be in danger she needs a man to defend her.
My dude and I always talk a big game about Halloween and never follow through; after watching Guardians we’re now joking that we can dress up as Rocket Raccoon (me) and Groot (him). My dude is built more like Drax than Groot but 1) the former is too obvious and 2) GROOT.
ETA: Also, that leaves the potential where I can jump on his back and pretend to shoot people with an obvs fake gun, which is also neat.
We need a Toastie halloween party this year, then. Since I’m going to be Circe the sorceress based off the painting about halfway down the “Normal Moments in Art History” post, and my dude will be a manservant-lion.
http://the-toast.net/2014/06/16/fine-normal-momen…
I feel like if you’re going to read one article on clinic closures in your life, that Dr Parker article should be it. Gut-wrenching and honest and horrifying and inspirational all at once.
HECK YES: One result: In 2012, America’s teenage girls had an average of thirty-one births per one thousand. In Canada, the number was fourteen. In France, six. In Sweden, seven. The difference is that those countries promote contraception without shame. “So it seems like if they want to reduce abortion, the best thing to do would be to support contraception—but they’re against contraception, too, because contraception and abortion decouple sexuality from procreation. That’s why I think religious preoccupation with abortion is largely about controlling the sexuality of women.”
DING DING DING
Honestly Dr. Parker has one of the best, most nuanced understandings of feminism/women’s repro rights/religion/politics that I’ve seen from a man in a long, long time. I am going to immediately donate and write a tearful letter of appreciation to him and the staff of the Pink House.
Just reading what he says to women who are coming to him for abortion care is making me tear up because it’s all so respectful and caring and fantastic. Why can’t we have a million more of him in the world?
I don’t know, but someone was cutting onions by my desk while I was reading the article.
My partner just started a new job where they are training cohorts of 18-24 year olds who live and work together for months at a time, and where they bring in someone from Planned Parenthood to talk to them about sex because sex ed is so spotty around the country that many of them have had abstinence only. They also provide free condoms, and one of my partner’s coworkers actually said “Why are we giving them condoms? That will only encourage them!” As if a group of college-age kids sharing close sleeping quarters aren’t going to be inclined to go at it like bunnies anyway. He was beside himself, and wishing he weren’t new to the job so he could take that coworker aside and Tell Him Things.
Ughh. Also, if they are 18-24, they are legally ADULTS. It is more than ok if they choose to have lots of (consensual/safe/protected!) sex. (Not that it’s inherently NOT ok if you’re under 18, but I think the “but they’re just children!” is a crutch that people fall back on when it comes to sex ed. These may be stupid young adults – I say as I fall firmly in that age group – but they are adults.)
…sounds like training AmeriCorps Members.
This is so TRUE it should be on a poster in every woman’s office:
The man who wishes to lecture you on a subject you already understand will lecture you no matter what you do. If you protest strenuously, he will assume you an ignoramus for ignoring his maleness, and he will speak all the more loudly and at length. If you fall silent, he will take your lack of speech as consent to hear more, and will go on and on.
I am facing some cutesypoo-but-pernicious groupthink in a situation in my life right now and so the WIllie Parker story is especially inspiring to me this morning. Thanks Nicole.
baby boy cliffe! think of what good this boy will do in the world!
Agreed! Boys raised by feminists are The Best! It gives me hope for the future! Congrats!
Crushing the patriarchy from within!
Well, I’ve just emerged, flushed and bright-eyed, from a Dune rabbit-hole. I’ve never read it and I clearly have to. But I’m also tickled at the use of the biblical concept of k’vitzat haderech to mean a male messiah. It literally means “shortening of the road” and occurs a couple of times throughout the Torah/Prophets/Writings when God, according to midrashic interpretation, makes someone’s journey miraculously shorter to assist in their completing of a holy mission. So a male messiah is some kind of shortcut to the Duniverse nirvana? So Frank Herbert could create a society of badass priestesses, but for some reason their eschatology is predicated on a male’s providing salvation. Fucking typical.
And herein lies my biggest issue with Dune (which I love and think is a masterpiece, but…still).
That said, Nicole’s Male infant will do well in this world of ours, and he has an older sister and will be put in his place constantly.
I can’t remember the reason why the messiah had to be male…I think because it gave him access to the male and female past lives, which a female typically wouldn’t have without being what they called an abomination (which I think Leto technically was annnnnyway… so I dunno), which I *think* (sketchy memory is sketchy) could result when your mom was high as fuck with you in the womb, which always seems unwise.
I also don’t remember (I’m sensing a theme. Then why am I posting? Compulsion!) what the Bene Gesserit’s were trying to accomplish with him… maybe just solidifying their control through precognition? Man, that did not work out well did it… OR DID IT? *dun dun dun*
You may be thinking of Paul’s younger sister Alia, who got all abomination-ified when Jessica got high as fuck on the Water of Life while pregnant. Alia is a badass awesome girl child who was born a full Reverend Mother and kills some people and is great.
Basically everybody should read Dune.
I am definitely thinking of Alia..who was indeed awesome until she got all not-awesome and creepy and her ending was still sad, I think.
I think there was always a risk of abomination (being controlled by your past lives), but it was worse the earlier you were exposed to spice or something?
Both: Alia, Ghanima, and Leto II were all born potential Abominations because of prenatal spice exposure. The exposure during development can and tends to prevent the growth of an individual personality, leading to possession and madness. Alia was overwhelmed and fell prey to Abomination. The twins more or less resisted, though arguably, yes, Leto also gave in to possession and was an Abomination. He just had a few thousand years to deal with it, and full prescience, all of which he used to pontificate at length to any poor readers about Frank Herbert’s weird philosophies in the most interminable and insufferable book of all time which I may have just recently read.
And yes, the Kwisatz Haderach “shortens the way” in the sense of merging past memories from male and female, due to increased male genetic memories. The Bene Gesserit initially hoped to produce one because he would be fully prescient and they would control him and that prescience. But things went wrong for them when a rogue Kwisatz Haderach was born out of their control. He did become the messiah they expected and foretold, but it didn’t go the way they planned (and then led directly to Leto the Tyrant Philosopher Worm).
ANYWAY someone please talk to me about the fifth book that I just finished, because holy shit, Frank Herbert had some super weird ideas about sex that were never mentioned in the first four books. That really came out of left field.
I don’t know, he puts some weeeeeeird shit in with the twins (accessing the memories of their parents/grandparents and having Flowers in the Attic-y feelings together).
There might be something wrong with me (hopefully its passed!), but the 4th, 5th and 6th books were my favorite growing up. *flees judgement*
Well, OK and Chani’s <SPOILER> in the second (?) book still murders me. Hmm. Would that be classified as a fridging under modern examination? Be still my childhood, you still have Transf-…nope. X-Me….nope. Pern? (Not for much longer!) Dammit!
I did a re-read of the series last year or the year before and, while it hasn’t aged as well as I hoped, but I didn’t find it terrible.
Let’s see…book 5, that’s where the Honored Matres have refined the Bene Gesserit muscle control into the sexual realms and used that to addict and control others? (Well, it was at least hinted, if not specified that the BG’s could do similar things, but just never pushed it that far…) There was more to it, I think, but my memory is terrrrrrrrible.
There’s a lot one could read into that, but I’m not confident in my ability to do so. I guess you could take the whole series as this “male escape of female control” paranoid thing (Do people do that? I haven’t read anything scholarly about the series) with this addition being a whole other angle of female control for the poor, beleaguered males to deal with (although, I think the HM control methods worked same-sex too, didn’t they?).
What are your thoughts on it? I have to admit…I’ve wanted for years to just sit down and talk to someone about the Dune books past the 3rd one – but so rarely encounter a physical human being who read past the first. The only person I can recall encountering is a woman I saw on on the bus once reading Chapterhouse. I have no idea how the ethics of instigating bus conversations about potentially awkward reading material go, so that’s as far as that went.
Yes, the fifth is the one where ALL OF A SUDDEN the Bene Gesserit have a new type of training/ability where specially trained Reverend Mothers can make a man fall in love with them using their really special sexual skills and big orgasms, which thereafter makes the men super loyal to the Bene Gesserit. Whether this is something they could do all along or some new ability they developed over the last few thousand years is never revealed, but it doesn’t really matter since it was never even hinted at or mentioned until now, so Frank Herbert clearly only just made it up and added it in for the fifth book.
And then, all of a sudden a huge band of EVIL EVIL WOMEN return from Further Out Outer Space, and what makes them evil is that they have developed even MORE crazy sex skills! They can fully control all men and make them into sex-addicted slaves because the orgasms they give them are JUST SO BIG. That is seriously the new plot twist: EXTRA BIG ORGASMS DESTROY MEN’S FREE WILL. And the Bene Gesserit are upset about this practice, because free-will-destroying-giant-orgasm-control-tactics will in fact cause the DOWNFALL OF HUMANITY. WHY that would be the case is never really explained in the fifth book (and I barely started Chapterhouse before I needed a break, I mean, seriously, wtf), but it is clearly believed to be a True Thing.
Oh! And then there is ONE magic clone man who has developed the SAME CRAZY ORGASM-GIVING ABILITIES as the women, which the evil women believe is the WORST and it cannot be allowed to happen. It’s like the first Dune plot (special powerful women with near-magic powers and skills are very powerful, but then a Special Man comes along who has the same abilities, which makes him even MORE powerful because he is a man, and it ruins all their plans), but this time 100% about mind-controlling sex.
WTF.
Ohhhh OK, that rings some bells…there was that whole thing with the BG attempting to sex slave Idaho, then that backfiring, then..uh…that backfire getting used against the HMs or something?
As a non-sexually active kid, reading all that stuff was a little bizarre. I was like, “Sure, OK…?” As an adult, it’s more comical and does seem to reduce again, as you describe, to the special man out-specialing the really special women. I don’t know much at all about Herbert’s personal life (aside from supposedly being inspired by the dunes in Oregon and raising a son who somehow missed out on literary ethics – if that’s a thing – or was just plain greedy), but at that point I start wondering about his personal gender politics.
I can’t remember, was that just the BGs point of view? Were they afraid of basically losing control of things to the HMs and how that would set back their plan for the galaxy or was there more to it than that?
Another thing that seemed to be missing from the 5th & 6th books was the big bad that the HM’s were running from, I seem to recall their being vague hints as to how falling to the HMs would pave the way for that defeat or something. There are a few hints about it – and MAYBE you can find some kernels of it by skimming the god awful plots for the “sequels”… but it seemed to me like he did have some master plan, he just never got to it. Not that that justifies any of the weirdness!
I’m curious as to your reaction when/if you finish Chapterhouse.
Yeah IIRC there’s some kind of genetic memory thing going on where he can do what the Bene Gesserit can do (which shouldn’t happen normally) and then a little bonus stuff from the male line because he’s got access to both Xes and Ys. Also he’s pretending to be (slash actually becoming) the messiah of the notmuslim space religion that the Bene Gesserit created a thousand years ago because you never know when a fake god might come in handy, which is ultimately the bigger deal.
I was thinking it was a chromosomal thing at first, but then recalled that Alia had male and female past memories as well. I don’t recall why she would have that and other BG’s wouldn’t, other than the womb spice orgy/trance exposure.
Maybe the Y is where you get the future and the X gives you the past? I don’t think Alia had prescience, other than maybe access to some of Paul’s prescient memories.
I think there was an explanation of sorts somewhere in Children of Dune, but can’t remember why exactly it was Alia gets to do pretty much whatever she wants, aside from being a Water of Life baby. I do sorta vaguely recall suggestions that she was the one actual saint with, like, real no-shit divine miracle abilities in the stories, whereas Paul and Leto and so on are more like the mystical psychedelic equivalent of world-class athletes and pivotal historical figures, but IDK
it’s the Gerudo all over again dude
There is no salvation here, you should probably read the books.
Ugh, Best Buy is the worst. I refuse to step into my local Best Buy anymore, because the salesmen in the computer section will only deal with men. Women who are with men will get assistance, but a woman alone? Forget it: they will not even make eye contact with you. After twenty minutes of fuming, I went to the customer service counter and explained my frustration, and they sent three more salesmen over…all of whom made an instant beeline for the men and would not make eye contact with anyone else.
I hate Best Buy, too. Once I had to call the local Best Buy for something – I think to check if something was in stock? And they just hung up on me. I thought it was an accident, so I called back, and they did it again. Then I called back to complain about being hung up on, and they hung up on me again (duh). It was kind of amazing.
What! That’s stunning.
Well, duh. Women’s money is not as valuable as men’s. /snark
only 77 cents*/dollar!
*for white women
That’s interesting, when I worked there (10 years ago, my first job) they would have men target women shopping alone because they believed they were easier to upsell big ticket items to.
I don’t know which attitude is worse…
Those are corollary attitudes, not exclusive, so we don’t have to puzzle over which is worse: they are BOTH THE WORST! To target a solo woman as an easy target for Male Persuasion but defer to a male companion (because Men Make Decisions) if she’s accompanied is the most sexist of sales behaviors.
I meant more the ‘completely ignore’ when alone vs. ‘target specifically’, but yes, your point still stands. Best Buy is indeed just the worst.
Clearly the easiest person to upsell big ticket items to these days is my dad, who bought a (let’s say) $500 laptop and spent $1500 on it (including Geek Squad, various warantees, etc etc etc) by the time he left. My mother would never have done such a thing. Is this a dad thing, or just a my dad thing?
I’ve been stewing for the whole weekend about the Best Buy debacle. What complete and utter horseshit that that happened and that people are continuing to question/deny her story. I seriously want to send flaming bags of dog poo to so many people right now.
I’ve live an extremely cat-centric life for the last couple of years. I’ve had about 30 foster cats, plus two permanent residents. The only reason I stopped fostering was because of my own fetus, but I have fantasies of going immediately and scooping up a nursing mama cat and kittens at the shelter after the ol’ fetus is born, so that we can be nursing buddies. (There are like 5 mom cats at the shelter dearest to my heart right now, so this is an extremely plausible thing I could do.). I’ve cleaned up untold amounts of pee and poo, bathed angry cats in my sink, lived a life of total destruction of every decent pair of pants I had by way of tiny claws, etc. The kitty cat mind control parasite got me good, is what I’m saying.
Aaand….I can’t get behind shaming someone for rehoming a pet. I think Chris Pratt was kind of a dick in the aftermath of the great Twitter cat give away, and I personally probably would not have made the choice he did, but sometimes, people can’t or don’t want to keep their pets forever. I wish they did, but they don’t. Dying a thousand “how could you” deaths over it strikes me as trivializing to actual abuse and neglect cases. Could his family have explored more solutions as to what was causing the behavior? I dunno, probably! Could he have screened the adopter more thoroughly? Almost certainly, but I’m kind of jaded at this point, and it’s like hey man, thanks for not moving out and leaving your cat in your locked apartment when you go, thanks for not using the time-honored “open door; shove” rehoming method.
He did what I advise non-famous people to do and successfully used the networks at his disposal to find a place for the pet rather than taking it to a shelter.
Anyway, I thought Guardians was Ok, not great, but worth the ticket price due to the endearingness of Vin Diesel.
Also, I’m sad that they made Chris Pratt lose a bunch of weight. I think his regular body shape would’ve been a better fit for the character anyway.
Had a long talk about this with the girlfriend I saw it with. He’s not supposed to be a “super hero,” so why get all buff? In this one case, I feel like here’s a man who got a tiny taste of what it is like to be a woman in Hollywood.
But is the fact that we even noticed make us part of the body police? Because I don’t want to do that either. His body, his choice…?
I really doubt Chris Pratt personally made that choice.
He had already lost a lot of weight to be in… Zero Dark Thirty, I wanna say? But I mean actors don’t really get to pick what they look like in movies.
That’s what I meant about getting a taste of what it is like to be a woman in Hollywood. “Your body doesn’t fit our preconceived notions of what a Hero looks like? You have have 2 months to lose 60 lbs or we will find someone else.”
I agree with you. My parents have a cat who will NOT stop shitting everywhere, all over their basement, despite a thousand different attempts to stop him/provide him a better option than one of the normal three boxes (which the other two cats use no problem), multiple vet visits, and kitty Prozac. If I lived in that house with that cat and was pregnant, I too would re-home him.
Not saying Chris Pratt did everything perfectly or even particularly well, but you’re so right that it’s better than leaving the cat to starve in an empty house or fend for himself outside. “Pick your battles” seems to apply here.
(Good luck on your fetus, btw!)
Sometimes other homes really are a better for for a given pet, too. I know the choices are not usually limited to “abandon in locked room/field” or “give away on Twitter,” but I see a lot of my rescue pals getting really upset at people who do rehome pets or surrender them to shelters, and it’s largely just a distracting waste of energy.
We had a still-semi-feral-ex-stray-adoption cat that we opted to return when the first baby came. He occasionally shat on things (like people) and was just kinda dangerous in general. We still have the mellow cat we owned before the crazy one…some cats are cool with kids, some you worry will seriously damage them.
Oh, I’m not not Team You Have to Keep That Cat, I’m Team Please Just Euth Your Old, Sick, Pooping Cat.
Just putting that cat to sleep rather than making her get used to a new situation is probably the choice I would’ve made in their position, but cats are weird as hell, and there may have been some other environmental stressor happening, so a new home with a doting Twitter weirdo could’ve been just what the doctor ordered. Some saintly types really do gravitate towards old pets with issues.
Or, Team There Are Better Ways to Rehome a Cat, and Also Don’t Be a D*ck on the Internet About It
Given the entirely horrifying comments equating cats to babies in that article’s comments, I suspect this would have only multiplied their troubles.
I’m kind of with you on the pet-rehoming thing. I’m dealing with some issues with my dog and my baby at the moment, and I don’t think it’s going to have to end with me finding a new place for the dog (I reeeally hope not), but it’s given me more appreciation for the fact that life happens and that the blanket “People who get rid of their pets are monsters” policy is not helpful.
Aw, I hope you get everything worked out! That’s a heartbreaker. We’re working on some issues with my bad dog right now, and I can only hope that his “destroy all house guests” MO doesn’t extend to the baby as well. (We are also doing a bunch of training stuff, so I’m not JUST relying on hope.)
My main bit of advice is that if you think it might come down to finding a new home for the dog, start putting out feelers before you get to the point of being like, “That’s it, this dog has to leave my house today.” I think the raft of crap that sometimes comes with any discussion of rehoming makes people feel ashamed to look for support until it’s too late. Good luck!
Yes, it’s so hard! Thank you, good advice. I’ve got a trainer coming in this week and she is hopeful, based on my description of the problem, so I should know more once she sees him.
I agree, as long as the person is screened well (there’s no suggestion that he didnt do this) I dont think it is that terrible to use your social network to find another home for your cat. I believe that sometimes cat lovers have been known to use the internet.
Vin Diesel has said that he found the voice work for Groot to be very therapuetic after the death of Paul Walker, in case you needed to weep a little more today.
ROXANE
You shouldn’t have to show off your RUH-ceipt
ROXANE
(sorry, that incident was infuriating as hell and I too was struck by the desperation of commenters to deny the obvious racism, but… Roxane.)
People really don’t like honeydew melon? This is a thing in the world?
YOUR POSED NAIVETE INFURIATES ME, SURELY YOU ARE AWARE THAT EVERYONE HATES MELON
Melons are the worst. THE WORST. NO one likes them clogging up the fruit salad!
I do. Sorry (not sorry).
A perfect ripe melon is a thing of joy for the tastebuds 😀
Agreed one thousand times. I am really not sure where all this hatred factors in. FIND A MORE WORTHY OUTLET FOR YOUR VENOM, PEOPLE.
Ask A Man is a thing of shining greatness, which I will treasure for ever.
I haven’t read the Dr. Parker article yet, because I know I’ll cry, and I’m just not ready for that yet today.
You might not cry! I am a crier for sure, but when I was reading it I was more in awe and thankful and happy and angry than I was sad or overwhelmed. I would say it’s SFNCW (Safe for Not Crying at Work)!
Someone sent me this and… Just. Goddamn. Vice decides to cover the emerging wave of feminism; interviews a man.
http://m.vice.com/read/the-guy-who-created-confus…
It is to laugh.
(I’m not familiar with the dude, and I assume he does lots of good work. But goddamn, you know? He is not the only mildly internet famous feminist.)
Well, if another man *has* to enter this world, I’m glad he’ll be doing so under your tutelage. Congratulations!
Meet the eye of the other women around the table and share a quiet laugh with them. Award each other points for every ridiculous statement a man makes. When you reach ten, throw a party and do not invite any men.
And by party I assume he means this website.
The Roxane Gay thing makes me feel physically ill. I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.
How to select a honeydew – 1. only buy them in the summer 2. run your hand over the melon, it should feel slightly tacky 3. shake it, there should be a slight swooshing sound if ripe.
I love honeydew – more for me
4. Put down the honeydew and pick up a cantaloupe instead.
(I am just going to melon-troll all over this thread.)
(swooshing?)
When ripe the seeds and liquid slosh around inside a little. The melon should feel heavy and slightly tacky.
The unripe ones taste like green plastic – avoid these.
There are also pink honeydews – these are awesome
OMG I LOVE PINK FOOD
The honeydews that taste like honeydew but have cantaloupe colored flesh are amazingly awesome and mind-bending, and you can totally troll the cantaloupe lovers with them, which is the best part.
Thank you for this! I’ll have to pick up some honeydew tonight.
Ahhh, I haven’t even finished the Willie Parker article, but it’s so good I had to come back and say so. Incredible. Ok. Back to reading.
Oh my godddd that piece about the abortion doctor is heart-rending.
He is a hero well and truly. I am so thankful that he and his staff exist!
YES oh my god I cried and then I tried to relate the whole article to my husband. (I imagine it might be moreso to you regarding the Bergy Bits and the discussion he has with one of the women about the ultrasound results.)
Yes, exactly.
DOCTOR WILLIE GODDAMN PARKER FOR EVERYTHING indeed. I read most of that article tearfully out loud to my husband over the weekend and hoped it would make it to the roundup today.
One hundred percent agree re: Nicole’s non-emo response to being trained as a superweapon.
I have long wished that Werner Herzog would narrate my life.. I think it would make it feel more portentous.
How do you feel about suffocating existential despair
Pretty okey dokey.
Werner Herzog narrates Where’s Waldo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvWh6PMi9Ek
Its not actually Herzog, but as far as suffocating existential despair + kids books + fake German accents go, it can’t be beat.
Closing quote: “In searching for Waldo, did we really find ourselves? …No, probably not.”
omg.
The Madeline one is fantastic, too.
Sort of regarding that whole Chris Pratt thing – I’m immediately done with anyone who uses the phrase “Just sayin'”. Seriously, they’re dead to me. Don’t post about something on your goddamn social networking account if you aren’t prepared to discuss it.
Oh god I’m only into the part where Dr Parker tells the women what he’s required to and TEARS, ALL THE TEARS already.
Bad honeydew is, of course, quite bad (mushy texture, little flavor), but good honeydew trumps all other melons. It is sweet without being too sweet, without the weird cantaloupe aftertaste. I will take it from the buffet every time.
OKAY BUT WE LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD WHERE 100% OF THE TIME YOU ARE NOT BEING SERVED A PERFECTLY RIPE MELON FROM SOMEONE’S SUN-DAPPLED BACKYARD, IT IS A CRUNCHY FLAVORLESS MESS
Oh, but I disagree! Maybe at hotel continental breakfast buffets that is the case, but the other melons are also mediocre in that setting. Decent (if not perfect) honeydew is frequently served, and is hardly a flavorless mess. It is typically deliciously fruity and sweet, if not quite the perfect texture!
BESIDES, MALLORY, I do not judge apples based on the everyday varieties in the grocery store, but rather for the potential deliciousness of that perfect, thick-skinned, amazingly winey Stayman picked fresh from a mid-Atlantic orchard. I judge a fruit based on its potential.
…I may also live a life of perpetual disappointment.
omg everyone who enjoyed Guardians should defintiely go out and buy Mass Effect and then immediately play Mass Effect.
In other news, I am replaying Mass Effect, and it’s all I can talk/think about.
Infiltrator 4 Lyfe.
Oh hey someone is talking about Mass Effect I came running as fast as I could!
What class are ya playing?
Vanguard, but I’m not sure I like it. I’m in ME1 though right now, and anything else is…kinda hard to do anyway, so I am just shotgunning everything away and it’s working out for me.
Vanguard’s nothing special (besides shotguns) in ME1, but it is by far my favorite class in ME2 and ME3. Nothing beats ramming into enemies at near-light speed and then shotgun/punch/Novaing them in the face. NOTHING. They always look so surprised!
OH HI ARE WE TALKING ABOUT MASS EFFECT I’M JUST GONNA JUMP RIGHT IN HERE
I’ve never played as Vanguard! It does look fun, but my experiences with shotguns have not been great in ME. Still, my next Shepard, if I ever get around to making her, is going to be a haughty biotic supremacist, so she’ll have to be either an Adept or Vanguard.
My favorite class is Engineer, though, which never gets any love. SO much fun. There are very few problems that can’t be solved by spamming Incinerate. (Or, as I call it when Engineer Shep and Mordin team up to burninate everything in their path, Twincinerate.)
Adept is also fun! Though it’s super-squishy in ME1. It’s hard to only use pistols! For Vanguard, ME3 adds so many delightful close-range abilities (like PUNCHING :D) that I was barely using weapons after a while.
I like BurninatorEngineer too! It’s especially super-duper fun in the third game. Just set up a few drones and turrets and sit back and relax, throwing a few incinerates and overloads here and there. Plus, there’s that moment in the Omega DLC when you can fix the reactor yourself and Petrovsky’s all 😐 and Shepard’s like “Hahaaa, I know engineering!” Very satisfying.
I never brought Liara anywhere except for Noveria in the first game because I assumed she was a very squishy wizard but she is actually SUPER POWERFUL. Especially once I found her some Colossus armor and some crazy amp. She was picking up geth Colossi and just sort of flinging them into the sky on Ilos. Granted, my characters were level 45 or so at that point, but I was quite surprised.
You know who was, in my experience, the most fragile squadmate? Garrus. I swear, he spent almost as much time sprawled out on the ground as actually fighting in all three games. He’s a total glass cannon — when he gets off a hit with the sniper rifle, it hits HARD, but if anything gets within melee range, he’s done for. Even though he’s one of the only characters that actually wears armor in the later games.
I KNOW! My boyfriend always seems somewhat offended that I don’t bring Garrus on combat missions with me that often, but it’s because the dude is constantly dead. I tell him to stay behind cover and next thing I know he’s standing on top of a box shooting. In ME1, he would actively prevent me from getting through doorways because of his large upper body armor. (Forget trying to bring him AND Wrex on an ME mission, you’ll never get through doors.)
I love you Garrus, but this team only needs one sniper, and that sniper is me.
For being a giant carapaced dinosaur-bird-cat-cricket man, Garrus is a total glass cannon. Who thinks he isn’t. Sweetie, I love you and you’re my boyfriend but you are not Wrex now please get out of my way and get behind this box.
On the other hand, Mordin (because god forbid I let a Mass Effect discussion go by without bringing him up) is completely underappreciated as a squadmate.. I’ve read so many discussions where people dismiss him as squishy, and it’s just, NO. Once his class power is fully leveled, he has more health and shields than I think anyone but Grunt! I’m assuming his labcoat is made of some sort of mysterious alloy that converts the kinetic energy of bullets into straight crazy awesomeness. ALSO HE SHOOTS GIANT FIREBALLS AT PEOPLE.
“Flammable! Or inflammable. Forget which, doesn’t matter!”
Mordin 4EVA. Goddess bless that crazy Salarian scientist. Dude is a total BAMF.
OMG he’s been constantly dying in my ME1 playthrough, but once I got some some frigging decent armour he’s been fine. Also when I finally got my shotgun because that is the only thing I can shoot people with effectively in this one. I have brought him with me literally everywhere and got some achievement for that?? I haven’t looked at it yet, I assume it just means we’re best friends.
I actually…don’t really have any class preferences in this series? I can’t remember what my other two character’s classes were. Although I have never been a biotic. I am lazy and don’t like using abilities.
Garrus dies constantly. Team Ashley/Liara for life!
I have to say, as much as I love the game as a whole, I find a lot of the combat in ME1 to be a little tedious (probably because I played ME2 first, and that is forever my favorite). So a good portion of my strategy in the first game is just “hide behind Wrex,” which works remarkably well. (Well, unless things go A Certain Way on Virmire.)
That Engineer-specific interrupt in Omega was THE BEST.( I didn’t even realize it was class-specific until comparing notes with a friend later!) And then Aria was still pleased with my super-Paragon Girl Scout Shepself, which was wonderful. I loved that DLC so much — I think Omega is my favorite environment in all the games, though I also adore Noveria.
I did the same thing! Started with ME2, fell in love, went back to play ME1 and was rather underwhelmed. Didn’t help that I didn’t want to grind on Mako sidequests and was playing a delicate Adept, so oftentimes I’d get completely destroyed (stupid Luna, stupid final boss fight). Went back a year or so later and enjoyed it more as an Infiltrator where I could just snipe everything. ME2 and ME3’s combat still has a lot more flavor, with the class-specific abilities.
Omega WAS fun! Equally great both as a Paragon and Renegade Femshep (the latter of whom got a big ol’ smooch from Aria). Wish Nyreen didn’t have to end like she did. It’s pretty cool that the DLC stars two non-human female characters, and characters who used to be in a relationship with one another (so that one could theoretically have a party not only of three ladies, but of three queer ladies). Plus Omega in all its gritty, neon squalor is gorgeous. Shadow Broker is still my favorite (wait, or is Citadel?!), but I enjoyed it quite a bit. For as much as I have mixed feelings on ME1 and its gameplay, Noveria’s still my favorite level in the series, though.
Yeah, I’m a PS player, so I had no choice but to play 2 and 3 before 1, since the first game hadn’t even come out on PS3 yet. (And then, even though I already had the other two, I had no choice but to spend a full $60.00 on a five year old game when the packaged trilogy came out for PS3. Stay classy, EA.)
Noveria is such a well-designed level, with so many different elements going on. You start with corporate intrigue in the upscale shopping mall environment of Port Hanshan, which has pretty much all my favorite NPCs from the first game — Lorik Qui’in, Anoleis, and Gianna Parasini. Then you get to go brawl with the geth in the Mako as you narrowly wind your way through snowy mountain trails, finally reaching the CREEPY ASS LABS, which are of course all Resident Evil-like. It’s just fantastic.
And I loved Nyreen so much — I felt like I identified with her more than any of the other female characters. She was such a nuanced contrast to Aria, not a flat goody-two-shoes like she could have become so easily. For that matter, I loved Tela Vasir in Shadow Broker, too. (I pretty much love all Spectres and want the next game in the series to be Mass Effect: Spectre Stories, where you can create your own Spectre character, who collects various allies and goes off to fight crime all across Citadel space. I really want to be a salarian dalatrass Spectre.)
I was playing on PC, and ME1 was already on Steam, but I started with ME2 anyway because everyone said the first game was kinda awkward and all that. Plot-wise I wish I had started with ME1, but it was probably less frustrating introduction otherwise. And now I’ve gone back and played through all three games two more times anyway, heh.
The Montreal studio has been talking a lot about bringing back exploration for the next Mass Effect game, and I hope they look to Noveria for inspiration. That level just drips atmosphere and intrigue and dread (Deus Ex feels like the other inspiration, mood-wise), and it’s fun to worm your way through its various stages. The first ME4 prototype footage shows the New Mako zooming around on a snowy planet, so perhaps they will!
Yussssss I definitely want to make my own Spectre in the next game. I was gonna say ladyTurian Ghost, but I am digging your STG idea! Until then, one nice thing to tide a person over: Nyreen’s voice actress Sumalee Montano is one of the two female lead voice options in the next Dragon Age game! (The other one is Samantha Traynor!) A qunari almost looks like a turian if I look at it juuust right?
I FINISHED MASS EFFECT 1 YESTERDAY GO MEEEEEEE!!! (With Garrus with me at all times, but I was on Casual mode because Normal is STUPID HARD in that one.)
Now I am all confused about the controls.
Wooohoooooooo! Go Garrus/Femshep bestie team! Now enjoy being able to actually shoot guns and have them hit their targets again! (Also, fuck Saren on Normal or higher difficulty. I HATE that boss fight.)
FEM!SHEP 4 LIFE
Dude here and I happened to have a Femshep in the only ME I played (2). I just can’t picture a male Shep and anytime I see one it’s like “Whaaa?”. Tried to play a male in 3 and it just wasn’t right. Well, that and I never got much past the really long, boring (by the 4th or 5th time) intro thing that you had to go all the way back through every time you wanted to try a different class.
Male Shep is just WRONG. Every time I see promo art I’m like, “Who’s that clown?”
This is still the only good argument for a male Shepard.
Only other acceptable option.
*Hits like button repeatedly!*
I will pay an undisclosed large sum of money for a version of Mass Effect where the male and female voice tracks are H. Jon Benjamin and Jessica Walter. (Plz note: Mallory Shepard will only have Renegade options.)
…so if I love Mass Effect more than life itself I should probably go and see Guardians? Or should I spend that time playing more Mass Effect? Wait…never mind, I answered my own question.
Sneak a console and mini-TV in so you can play ME whilst basking in the adverb that is Guardians?
Just here for two things:
1. Congrats on the baby
2. Fuck Best Buy
Dammit Nicole, why did you have to link to that Chris Pratt article? I was so happy believing that he was a cheerful french-braiding doofus and now I have to live with the knowledge that he is a CAT ABANDONER.
(My cat is reading The Toast with me, and he is also deeply distressed.)
“Oh, and I know characters always get all emo about it, but if anyone wants to turn me into a human weapon via body modifications and several years of brutal training, ”
I am, in fact, opening up a school…for JUST SUCH A PURPOSE.
Where do I sign up?
You can sign up right here! There are some tests you’ll need to pass, first, though.
I’m not going to lie, you’re going to have to get a hold of a lot of severed thumbs.
Let me check my Dungeon of Men Who Have Displeased Me, might still be some I can harvest….
Dr. Parker is so kind. Kind in a heroic way that many people cannot be.
And I am always here for very smart people talking about the sports they love. Werner Herzog on rugby is very endearing.
Every morning you do such a great job of finding stories that are fun or moving or vital. Good job.
Just popping in (dockside in Muskoka!) to wish Ontarians a happy Simcoe Day!
I read the Dr. Willie Parker article on the weekend and I am both encouraged that people like him exist and discouraged that ignorant, closed-minded, self-centred, BUT IT IS GOD’S WORD, assholes also exist and always seem to be the ones with the power to stop the Dr. Parkers from doing real good in the world.
Dr. Parker is a hero.
Only other acceptable option.
Dune references make me happy. Nicole, when you birth this age’s Muad’Dib , the world will be grateful.
Sneak a console and mini-TV in so you can play ME whilst basking in the adverb that is Guardians?
I FINISHED MASS EFFECT 1 YESTERDAY GO MEEEEEEE!!! (With Garrus with me at all times, but I was on Casual mode because Normal is STUPID HARD in that one.)
Now I am all confused about the controls.
Yes, the fifth is the one where ALL OF A SUDDEN the Bene Gesserit have a new type of training/ability where specially trained Reverend Mothers can make a man fall in love with them using their really special sexual skills and big orgasms, which thereafter makes the men super loyal to the Bene Gesserit. Whether this is something they could do all along or some new ability they developed over the last few thousand years is never revealed, but it doesn't really matter since it was never even hinted at or mentioned until now, so Frank Herbert clearly only just made it up and added it in for the fifth book.
And then, all of a sudden a huge band of EVIL EVIL WOMEN return from Further Out Outer Space, and what makes them evil is that they have developed even MORE crazy sex skills! They can fully control all men and make them into sex-addicted slaves because the orgasms they give them are JUST SO BIG. That is seriously the new plot twist: EXTRA BIG ORGASMS DESTROY MEN'S FREE WILL. And the Bene Gesserit are upset about this practice, because free-will-destroying-giant-orgasm-control-tactics will in fact cause the DOWNFALL OF HUMANITY. WHY that would be the case is never really explained in the fifth book (and I barely started Chapterhouse before I needed a break, I mean, seriously, wtf), but it is clearly believed to be a True Thing.
Oh! And then there is ONE magic clone man who has developed the SAME CRAZY ORGASM-GIVING ABILITIES as the women, which the evil women believe is the WORST and it cannot be allowed to happen. It's like the first Dune plot (special powerful women with near-magic powers and skills are very powerful, but then a Special Man comes along who has the same abilities, which makes him even MORE powerful because he is a man, and it ruins all their plans), but this time 100% about mind-controlling sex.
WTF.
So, my dad went on a business trip to Canada last week. He e-mailed my sisters and me “wish y’all were here” underneath a giant plate of poutine.
Ohhhh OK, that rings some bells…there was that whole thing with the BG attempting to sex slave Idaho, then that backfiring, then..uh…that backfire getting used against the HMs or something?
As a non-sexually active kid, reading all that stuff was a little bizarre. I was like, "Sure, OK…?" As an adult, it's more comical and does seem to reduce again, as you describe, to the special man out-specialing the really special women. I don't know much at all about Herbert's personal life (aside from supposedly being inspired by the dunes in Oregon and raising a son who somehow missed out on literary ethics – if that's a thing – or was just plain greedy), but at that point I start wondering about his personal gender politics.
I can't remember, was that just the BGs point of view? Were they afraid of basically losing control of things to the HMs and how that would set back their plan for the galaxy or was there more to it than that?
Another thing that seemed to be missing from the 5th & 6th books was the big bad that the HM's were running from, I seem to recall their being vague hints as to how falling to the HMs would pave the way for that defeat or something. There are a few hints about it – and MAYBE you can find some kernels of it by skimming the god awful plots for the "sequels"… but it seemed to me like he did have some master plan, he just never got to it. Not that that justifies any of the weirdness!
I'm curious as to your reaction when/if you finish Chapterhouse.