Toasties. You are never too old for a fluorescent yellow drink presented on an almost-fuchsia paper napkin. Enjoy the little things this weekend and now tell us your All!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender is in
Toasties. You are never too old for a fluorescent yellow drink presented on an almost-fuchsia paper napkin. Enjoy the little things this weekend and now tell us your All!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender is in
I’m taking care of a neighbor’s BABY BOXER this weekend and it’s all I can think about at work because DOGS
this is an ironic situation for your username to be in.
AHHHHH. Do you have photos? Boxers are the best.
Not yet (we don’t get her until tomorrow) but next week for sure! She is brindle colored and has the most adorably dopey, expressive little face.
Yay open thread!
If anyone’s interested, I put my write-up on SDCC on LJ and my pics of SDCC are on Tumblr.
I got one of my postcards! Thank you, pitytheviolins! <3 <3 <3 I loved the creepy! I am, however, mortified that I didn’t realize postage for postcards had gone up a penny and now I fear none of my postcards will be delivered. SERIOUS BUMMER.
Ohh great pics and fun write-up! That little Rocket Raccoon REALLY freaked me out when I saw him though—I thought he was a puppet or mechanical or something at first and then he started moving like a human and it had a very uncanny valley effect. I had to avoid him the rest of the day, hahaha.
HA! I couldn’t figure out who they were at first because I never read the Guardians comic and didn’t recognize the uniforms. I thought maybe it was some sort of weird crossover.
Oh no that’s so sad about the postage!! Hopefully nice postal workers come across them and they get delivered 😉
Oh guys, I applied for The Toast’s new job and I really, really need to stop thinking about it. As you may know from past open threads, I just quit my job to do what I really want to do: write, edit, genealogy. It took a lot of guts. I was thrilled to see this opportunity come up, and it’s encouraged me to think that eventually I WILL find something that pays me to do what I can and want to do!
I feel you hardcore. I am in a kind of similar situation and it will be incredible if I get anything done between now and when they hire the person.
I wish you so much luck and hope that whatever happens here, you find that perfect job!
I think I remember seeing you talk about this before – it’s so cool that you’re doing genealogy! Are you hiring yourself out to other people or working on your own family tree?
I’ve been on my own family tree for three years, and of course, there is still more work to do. Ideally, yes, I’d take on clients who want me to research or map their tree for them. There’s also a professional certification process, online certifications you can do through various colleges, so I’m looking at those options. Meanwhile, I do have a supportive partner and a few freelance gigs to see me through. One person wants to pay me to help them use some genealogy software, so that’s cool.
I’m interested in doing some work for free if any Toasties would like to give me a try.
I also volunteer with unclaimed-persons.org, which helps coroners’ offices locate next of kin for people who die with no one to claim their body. We use genealogical resources to create a family tree for the person and find a living relative.
Ahhh, that is incredible! Awesome, I really hope you’re able to turn this into something that supports you financially. Genealogy is so cool, and I had no idea that an organization like unclaimed-persons.org exists.
I am not familiar with how genealogy works at all, but I would definitely love to give you a try?! I’m quite interested in my own family tree but have never been able to afford to really look into it / don’t know how.
Email me at familiargenealogy at gmail dot com and we’ll see if I can help.
I don’t want to email you without asking if it’s okay, but I have some research that this could possibly be helpful for … can I also send you an email?
I realize this is kind of late in the Cocktail Hour game…I’ve just been thinking about it over the weekend…
Of course! Please go right ahead. This kind of research is applicable to a lot of stuff, so I’m open to hearing from anyone who would like some help.
I love to do genealogy too and it’s great that you’re following your passion. Best of luck!
Hey horsefacedbluestocking, I could swear I recognize your name from Metafilter, but I can’t find the right permutation of spaces, hyphens, etc. to look you up there. Are you a fellow Mefite? (I’m not under the same username there)
I applied too. I wish you the best of luck!
Me too. I am trying to be blithe and lighthearted about it so that nobody can tell how much I want it. since I think this is one job for which how much I want it will in no way be a distinguishing feature that sets me apart from everybody else. last time I tried to express in words how exquisitely suited I was for something, I failed to become the Librarian of Conjuring Arts and the time before that I failed to become an art crimes investigator, so I am prepared to have someone steal this dream from me as well. I will be happy for whoever gets it if it isn’t me. I GUESS.
I’ve applied for, and even gotten a few “dream jobs” over the years. Not Conjuring Arts, but kinda close. My experience is that there is just no such thing as a dream job. Work is work–you hope you are a really good fit for your coworkers and your company/org’s mission, and you enjoy the work. It’s really been for me about finding work that I like to do! I have to remind myself of that whenever I’m hired to do something for a really cool organization, and I’ve been fortunate that that’s happened a few times.
Good luck. You sound like a literal wizard and that will only serve you well in life no matter what happens here.
Kreed Arms. For when just two arms isn’t enough.
FRIDAY CAT THREAD
When I leave the house Anne and Bonny act as my guards until I get far enough away, when they stop and meow after me. If I am away less then an hour or so, they will be waiting for me when I return, at which point they scold me for leaving.
Here is them doing it.
Also, we recently bought them this little cardboard scratcher with a ball inside it and Bonny won’t let anyone else near it.
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But Anne has her blanket at least.
Post your cats! I WANT TO SEE THEM.
I’ve been putting this picture everywhere, so you may have seen it by now, but:
CAUGHT BREAD-HANDED
Stealercat! I have one of those too.
chubby tabbies are mah favvvvvvorite!!
This is the muffin that my neighbour and I are taking care of. She’s ridiculously sweet and social, so we think she was abandoned 🙁 HOW, LOOK AT THAT FACE
so precious!
She looks like she gives kisses. Does she give kisses?
Every morning, all three have to check and see if the bathtub has changed over night.
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Here is Luna stalking Oskar:
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I LOVE THAT BATHTUB PICTURE SO MUCH.
What will they do if there is anything different about it??
If there’s water in it, they drink until they start sloshing. If there’s no water, they sit in it:
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MORE!
Those are some VERY SERIOUS faces in that bathtub. Solemn cats make me laugh.
I love when mine look serious, because it’s so rare. Usually, it’s more like this:
Oskar is not allowed in the cupboard any more because he shreds any and all cardboard boxes and eats dry oatmeal and ramen. It looks like we have rats, but it’s actually just my carb-fiend cat.
After I get out of the shower, mine just sits in it for about an hour, FASCINATED.
Saffron used to leap into the bath when it had about an inch of water in it and paddle while it drained. Then one day she was a bit early, leapt blithely over the side without checking how deep it was, and has not done it since.
THAT BATHTUB IS A SNEAKY BITCH, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IT’S UP TO
This asshole crawled onto my pillow in the night and slept on top of my head and then did this when I woke up and tried to take a picture of her being cute.
She looks like an especially soft cat. Except for the pointy bits, obviously.
She is! I do not know what is up with her ridiculous, hilariously large teeth, but they make her yawns extra goofy.
She’s in training to be a smilodon when she grows up.
One of my cats was hiding a lot two days ago, and here’s a picture of her from yesterday morning, when I was worried that she had developed amazing ninja skills and snuck out of the house:
She is usually never in that spot! She typically likes to lounge on chairs, couches, and in the non-functional and blocked off fireplace.
She’s been hiding much less since yesterday night (I think) but I’m a little worried about her.
Might be worth a vet trip? Has anything changed that might have upset her?
In my mind, I think she is upset because her fellow cat/roommate for life has a UTI. I can’t think of anything else significantly off than that or the fact that their food bowl situation was a bit messy for a day or so.
If she continues hiding today, we’re going to set up a vet appt.
Poor girl, I hope they are both back to normal soon. Mine have had one illness each over the years, both of them were weird when the other one was ill. I hope it’s just that.
Whew, I’m kind of glad to know that is actually a Thing that cats do. They’ve been together since they were kittens (3 months and 8 months, respectively) and I tend to project human emotions onto them and their actions… ^^;
Saffron wouldn’t go near Captain while he was ill and when he came home from hospital until he no longer smelt of anaesthetic and wee. When she came home smelling of the same thing (they both wee in the carrier when they’re worried) he held her down and washed her and was really overly solicitous. While he was in hospital she hid and was really upset and unsettled, then when he came home she blamed him for ages.
Saffron used to have that scratcher, she played with the ball for about three minutes and then lost interest. Captain has never been allowed on any of the coardboard scratchers though, they have all been Her Throne.
The Boy Cat, looking super-creepy. I’m pretty sure he saw a bug on the wall behind my head.
I’m a dummy and can’t remember/figure out how to post pictures, even with google’s help. Help? I have some good cat pics.
http://hooniverse.com/2010/08/03/how-to-embed-ima…
this is a pretty good guide. Basically you need the DIRECT picture link (not the link to the page it’s on) and the HTML code, which is img src=”linkhere”/ with little pointy brackets around it.
Thanks for the photo link! Here is a photo (fingers crossed):
ETA: Woohoo it worked! This is my cat after his hair cut. He looks sooooo ridiculous. He loves it so much, FYI, so it’s not animal cruelty.
HAAAA! I am dying. I’ve been considering doing that to my cat to deal with the heat, but it’s hard enough to get him to let me brush him, I don’t think he’d let me shave him.
Oh this was a full sedation situation. My cat is an adorable vicious fiend who bites if you even look at him wrong. He had a matting problem and also was dying in the heat, so this is a huge improvement.
We now call him the Goblin or the Gremlin, cause he totally looks like one. The best is that we can now see what’s going on when he twitches his butt in anger – it is twerking. He twerks when he’s mad, and it’s HILARIOUS.
I also have an adorable vicious monster. Biting is his FAVOURITE but he’s not allowed to bite us hard. He’s figured out that we won’t drop him and walk away if he bites when we’re trying to brush him or trim his nails, so he lies on his back in his attack position, purrs like crazy and bites to his little heart’s content.
LION CUTS ARE THE BEST look how proud of himself he is
AREN’T THEY? And he is SO proud of himself you are correct.
It’s cold and raining here, and I quite want to get under the duvet on the sofa for the evening, but it’s already occupied.
I think this is my first attempt at posting pictures here, so I hope this works.
The three moods of Alcibiades:
A few older ones that showcase his immense dignity:
Too adorable for words, and what a great name!
Alcibiades is an AMAZING name for a cat. Or a human, really, if you want them to grow up to be AMAZING.
Thanks! It’s a very fitting name for this cat, in particular: we found him lost and wandering (handsomely) in the woods, and he likes knocking things off of other things.
These photos are beautiful! What a glamor cat.
Thank you! He definitely knows how to work his angles.
The fact that someone almost certainly dumped this beautiful, affectionate cat (he’s a hugger) in the park baffles and enrages me even now, six years later.
Mine was probably dumped too — she showed up at my apartment door super skinny and dirty and covered in scratches. She is the cuddliest, sweetest cat I have ever met in my life. People are seriously seriously the worst.
Aw, she’s such a pretty one, too! I do not understand people at all.
Our best theory is that he lived with someone older who then either died or became unable to care for him, whereupon someone else made the decision to dump him.
Because the thought of someone socializing him to be this loving and trusting of humans and then dumping him is more than my heart can bear.
MY LANDLORD IS LETTING US GET A CAT!!! I’m so excited! We’ve only lived in our apartment since February but she really likes us and said we’re great tenants, plus we don’t have carpet, so she’s making an exception for us!
Oh, congrats! Please consider getting your cat from a shelter, and of course show us pictures once you have one!
Thanks! We are going to check out the local Animal Rescue League sometime next week. Although actually I think the PetCo where my SIL works hosts cats from the ARL for adoption, so I will need to look into that.
We got a second cat 2 weeks ago (at the same time we moved into a new house). They are VERY slowly warming up to each other. Here they are pictured on the same piece of furniture, not fighting or anything.
Ooooh nice work! We are not quite there yet, almost 8 months later.
This is my cat, Marshmallow. Very aptly named, and possibly the most adorable creature I’ve ever beheld.
They are so sweet. My little tuxedo kitty, Zoe, passed away two and a half years ago and they remind me of her. My neighbor has kittens (way to many kittens, it is bordering on a hoarding situation) and there is a tiny tux kitten than keeps coming to visit my porch. I just want to catnap him. Or ask if I can have him, she’d probably say yes. But I have two dogs and a cat so we are full up on four-legged family members.
My cat is your cats, only fatter, and with a kink at the end of her tail. Also, instead of yellow eyes, she has green, going from light green at the outside of the iris to dark green in the middle. She’s my baby girl.
I brought my camera to work today so I could edit and then post some pictures of my new rabbit, but I forgot it in the car and am too lazy to go back out and get it. Whoops.
I am done with work at 12:30 to go to Kuma’s and then make the trek to Tinley Park for the Motley Crue farewell tour and I am v excited to (hopefully) see Tommy Lee play the drums while traversing the stage on a DRUMSET ROLLERCOASTER
Concentrating on doing literally anything for this last hour and a half may be beyond me.
Concentrating on doing literally anything for this last hour and a half may be beyond me.
This is how I feel about Fridays in general. THANK GOD FOR OPEN THREAD.
Have a great time at the concert! Sounds like terrific fun!
Hi team! Slate quoted us in their piece on ironic misandry, so I’m getting stoked to delete a bunch of pending comments from men on lullabies from several months ago! (limbers up the index finger of merry silencing)
Please screencap! A facebook album of hilarity maybe?
I am learning to embrace the looks I get when I wear my “Ba ba black sheep” Toast tank outside.
ugh nothing yet why are men so lazy
I’m sorry, we’re trying our best!
Sweetie. I’m sorry, I can do better than that.
Really wish they would reissue the shirts – I ordered way too big, and only wear mine around the house. Would love to get something to wear in the wider world.
Ooh, this WILL be fun! But I feel sorry for your index finger because of the work out it’s gonna get.
I was afraid we would have to wait for Monday’s Link Roundup for this!
A perfect occasion to build a Tear Garden, much like a rain garden but for the collection of male tears.
I’m very much digging this gif linked to in that article:
Um what if you haven’t been totally ironic 100% of the time
Asking for a friend
(For real though, this article doesn’t match up completely with the usage I’ve seen online, which I think is…interesting.)
As a Man, I’m hardly qualified to judge, but it seems like the mass violence stuff, at least, is essentially all ironic. No one is seriously proposing to kill or castrate All Men.
The literal misandry–expressing hatred for or at least distaste for men as a group–often seems sincere (and understandable). I’m not sure if Hess missed that or is just avoiding giving ammunition to people who are inclined to believe misandry as a social phenomenon is on par with misogyny.
That’s my impression as well — nobody means “kill all men,” but there is a wellspring of justified anger and frustration being expressed through humor, too. It’s safer, and it’s cathartic, to make jokes.
But avoiding the sincere aspects of the phenomenon seems to sort of defeat the purpose, like we have to explain away the humor by disavowing the anger and frustration that gave rise to it so as to appease whoever, i.e., not give ammunition to people who would equate “MISANDRY” humor with misogyny. Those are not people who are approaching the conversation from an intellectually honest place in the first place, and in the end they’re probably not there to have an actual conversation at all.
It also strikes me as something worth acknowledging because, if we accept that catharsis is part of makes this humor, is that something that is or could be available to other groups? I dunno, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Like, from what this white lady can see, black people in the US have plenty of reasons to need eleventy million different kinds of catharsis, too. But I bet there would be a lot of white people on television who would lose their fucking minds if a subset of the black community started making analogous jokes.
“I dunno, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Like, from what this white lady can see, black people in the US have plenty of reasons to need eleventy million different kinds of catharsis, too. But I bet there would be a lot of white people on television who would lose their fucking minds if a subset of the black community started making analogous jokes.”
Very good point. People of color writing about racism aren’t particularly shy about referring to “white people” or “white women” (nor should they be). But “kill whitey” jokes are much rarer than “kill all men” jokes, because racist shitheads will have an easier time convincing people that the former are sincere.
I’ve tried explaining it to my (not white) boyfriend that the exasperation I feel with Men is the same as the feeling I have about White People (despite being a white person). It’s a shorthand for cultural phenomena that thwart progress – not a personal criticism of a particular man or white person (without some nexus between those phenomena and that person’s behavior). And I agree, that’s not ironic.
Oooh, I like this. May refer to your comment frequently, re: good shorthand for the exasperation I feel that it is 2014 and this fight ain’t nearly over.
So I was into something before and now there’s a trend piece about it in a popular online publication?!? Is this what it feels like to be cool?!? (All unironic, I would die to be cool at least once.)
I think so?
I would love to have an old-fashioned decanter label (in pewter maybe, or silver) with “Male Tears” on it, if any Etsy sellers are listening.
You should let a couple through so we can say GEEZ CAN’T YOU TAKE A JOKE?? a few times!
Hope self-promos are okay? I’m selling printable poster files including M is for Misandry & F is for Feminist at my Etsy shop! Jewelry coming soon. https://www.etsy.com/shop/MicDropDesign
Who else has an Etsy or other type of shop? Give us your links!
Just so you know, budget reasons are the only thing that’s kept me from getting any of these so far – I am totally going to as soon as my bank statements stop frowning at me disapprovingly.
girl I feel you.
Whee for self promos! I sell bloomers here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/BloomerShop.
Future self-promo: I’ve been making sort of rough crystal/ancient civilization-inspired jewellery that I will soon be ready to open an Etsy shop for! I would show some pictures but I don’t feel super ready/confident to show off yet 🙁
Well I hope you share when you do because that sounds exciting! I don’t suppose you do anything with rutilated quartz?
No I haven’t yet, just some stuff with regular quartz (and rose quartz, my favourite)! I haven’t seen any pretty rutilated quartz beads in the supply shops I frequent but I think I’m going to make a giant Etsy order soon of all the crazy shit I can’t get here, like crazy shiny labradorite ahh I want to work with that so much
I would say not just okay, but encouraged? Those posters are great!
thank you!
I have a couple of sadsacky friends who I’d love to buy the thousands of things poster for. Would you consider printing and shipping?
I want that yellow M is for Misandry on a shirt that I will wear ALL DAY EVERY DAY and then when it disintegrates from overuse I will buy another and another and another….
Great crafts, everyone in this thread! I draw naked butts and do some knitting https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/lauraculham
I need to get off my ass and get my Misandry cross-stitch up for sale on the internet.
Speaking as a person with a serious cross-stitch habit to support and a dearth of patterns not targeted towards little old Christian ladies…yes. Yes you do.
Not my shop, but one of my best friends has a shop and I am always looking to promote her because I wanna see her shine! http://etsy.com/shop/WhatIsLovely
ETA: I’m a little obsessed with your prints. I think I need one to hang over my desk!
Similarly, this is my friend’s shop — she makes goooorgeous paper flowers: https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/thebeadedkusudama
If you all don’t mind, I’ll add my friend’s shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/WaterBodies?ref=shop_su…
In addition to being an insanely talented jewelry maker, she’s an awesome person too! Any river you want! In ring form!
AHH I was instantly sad seeing that because I would LOVE to have some of those posters, but doubted you would ship to where I am – then I put on my reading comprehension cap and realized I can print them myself here! These will hopefully be part of my life very, very soon.
Today is my 30th birthday! I am having a little party/gathering at a beer hall tonight! I’m a little nervous about it, because I haven’t had a birthday party in a long time, and I don’t want people to be bored? Party performance anxiety? But it’s a beautiful day and I’m wearing a cute dress and a coworker bought me an iced coffee, so I’m feeling good.
Happy birthday!!!!
Thank you! 🙂
It was my 32nd yesterday! Happy birthday to us!
Ahh, happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday!
From a fellow party-performance-anxiete-haver, I hope it all goes fabulously.
Thank you!
Happy birthday! Party performance anxiety is a drag. I feel ya! Hope everything goes swimmingly.
Thank you! Fingers crossed!
Happy birthday!
Thank you! 🙂
Happy birthday! That sounds like a super fun party :):)
Thanks! I hope so!
Happy birthday! A party at a beer hall sounds like so much fun!
Oooh I hope it will be, thanks!
Happy birthday!
Thank you!
Happy birthday! I understand party performance anxiety, but your friends are joining you because they want to celebrate with you. enjoy it, and happy 30th!
You’re right. 🙂 Thanks very much!
Happy Birthday! Enjoy it worry free as a gift to yourself!
Thank you, I will try!
Party performance anxiety is the cost of admission! I regularly throw huge parties that empty my liquor cabinet and make people happy, and every. single. time. I’m worried nobody will come/have a good time. Consider it part of the whole party rollercoaster and enjoy!
Good to know I’m not alone, anyway– thanks!
Happy Birthday!
Thank you!
Happy Birthday! I turned 30 yesterday and so far it’s been great!
Happy birthday to you too!
Happy birthday! Dresses and iced coffee sound like a perfect combination.
It really was! Thank you 🙂
Happy Birthday! Yay, 30!!
Crushed a job interview this morning for sports news copy editing (aka “the most ‘me’ job that has ever been”) and am just a weekend e-mail copy test away. Find out if I get it on Monday. I wouldn’t be able to outright quit my current long-term soul-crushing job, but I would be able to at the very least halve my hours here, which would rule pretty hard.
Fingers crossed for all the other Toasties bobbing uncertainly in the sea of Jobs/No Jobs/Shit Jobs!
Gaaah I feel you, I just got a job I absolutely love but it was through one of those under-30-employment-services places that comps them for my first 16 weeks and I’m worried that like, my employers think it’s just a really well-paying internship that’ll end after the 16 weeks? AHHH I am definitely bobbing in that sea
That sounds weird and stressful. I hope they surprise you with dumptrucks of money instead!
This is especially topical because it also bears some resemblance to my anxiety-pooping face.
Ohhh congrats and good luck! I once took a copy test and was later told I was the only person (including the writers of the test) who noticed that a country’s name had been misspelled. Soooo I’m sending the WTF karma from that experience over to you!
I hope they were mortified, and also that’s hilarious. Thanks!
Good luck!!! I have almost the exact same plan — would like to halve my soulcrushing hours and take on some fun, fulfilling hours helping kids edit their stories (also the most ‘me’ job that has ever been, for me!) — and have an interview on Tuesday. Fingers crossed right back atcha! GO FUN FULFILLING JOBS GO!
What a wonderful-sounding job! I hope you get it! Good luck to you tomorrow!
Ooh, good luck! (Although you sound like you have it in the bag, so probably no luck is needed).
Never turn down luck in this economy!
Hello hello Friday!
Several things:
-I saw Maleficient finally and as a film it was not great but it was a stunning, flawfree piece of beautiful, beautiful misandry
-I went to Osheaga last weekend! It is basically Canada’s Coachella in that I saw approximately 30,000 girls wearing flower crowns and body paint but thankfully only two rage-inducing Native headdresses on white girls. It was excellent fun and I got to see Jack White and Nick Cave and The Replacements and Temples and Chvrches and !!! and Courtney Barnett, who is GREAT, and also got stupidly drunk and ate roughly my weight in Montreal deli sandwiches and bagels.
-My Osheaga mates were basically all dudes (sometimes misandry takes a back seat!) who I have a great amount of platonic love for, but one of them was grinding my gears a little because he has kinda a paternalistic view of women that is gross and I do not like. He is a sweet, genuine, hilarious person who also thinks women not taking their husbands’ last name is “emasculating”? Also he thinks it would be a “problem” if his girlfriend accidentally got pregnant and he wanted to keep the baby and she didn’t, and I was basically all UM HELL NO. Even the other guy having the discussion with us was like, “Dude, no.” He comes from a super traditional European Catholic-y mentality and so does his girlfriend, so I guess it’s not a problem for them? I dunno, it’s so hard when people you love have gross opinions on things, especially if it’s literally the only thing you disagree on.
the replacements ahhhhh i am clutching my face over here. i have resigned myself to never seeing them because i think they crossed california off their list with coachella, and i was most definitely not going to coachella.
I have seen them live twice (last year at RiotFest in Toronto)! I almost feel as though I should share because twice is so good it’s not fair
niiice.
well it’s probably for the best. if i ever got to see “skyway” played live, i’d probably just lie down on the ground and let people trample me. i’ve peaked, everything from here on out is downhill.
PS i just did the thing where i accidentally followed you by doing some weird hover/click thing over your username, but i don’t exactly know what “following” means? but…hi, haha.
Hello! I don’t understand what following means either but I PROMISE NOT TO LET MY COMMENTS DISAPPOINT YOU haha
Osheaga looked so good this year. I am very jealous.
It got a little exhausting at times because although standing around for 7 hours a day, three days in a row is not easy, having to share space with thousands and thousands of people when you’re mildly claustrophobic is even harder. So many bros! I blame that on Skrillex. Thankfully I was far, far away watching Mac Demarco when he played.
aha I have pretty serious claustrophobia so probably for the best that I was safe on the west coast.
Did you hear that the Bass Coast Music Festival banned native headdresses? I’m guessing it was because they had A Tribe Called Red (who I saw on Friday!!) performing, but it was really great to hear organizers take a stand about it.
I did not hear that, but that is really great (also A Tribe Called Red ahhh a friend of mine works with Native-focused film festivals and she’s met them several times and says they’re awesome dudes)! I’m glad I didn’t see a ton of people wearing headdresses at Osheaga, but it took a lot of my willpower to not drunkenly scream at the few I did see about why it’s not okay.
A TRIBE CALLED RED
Might I suggest their I’m an Ndn 2 https://soundcloud.com/a-tribe-called-red/im-an-n… (there was a music video using the footage from the Annie Get Your Gun movie, but I think that’s been pulled).
They were so good and they seemed really nice! They also had a hoop dancer performing with them who did some amazing hoop dancing/break dancing combo stuff that was so much fun to watch!
I heard this! So amazing. And I’m jealous you saw A Tribe Called Red.
“He is a sweet, genuine, hilarious person who also thinks women not taking their husbands’ last name is “emasculating”?”
tell him that’s more than half the fun of it.
I’m so lazy/protective of my personal time that when someone I like/love has horrible, ingrained, gross opinions and they are not up to learning anything else, I usually just distance myself and drop away. Life’s too short to knowingly spend it with assholes.
Uuuuuuugh Osheaga. I went a few years ago when Arcade Fire was playing which was amazing but dear god, not doing that again. I am super impressed by anyone who can be in that big a (drunk/stoned/inebriated in some way) crowd and not get really anxious.
However, eating your weight in deli sandwiches and bagels is just plain sensible.
Does anyone but me enjoy drum corps?! I am so pumped for finals this weekend! I am going to live stream it even though it is stupid expensive and my laptop has shitty sounds quality.I went to Big Loud and Live last night and the Allentown show last weekend. THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR FOR MARCHING BAND PEOPLE! This year…
I love: Phantom Regiment, Santa Clara, Crown
I dislike: Blue Devils, The Cadets (usually love them, why are you doing this to me George?!)
I hate: Blue Knights, The Crossmen
Come at me with your DCI opinions!
I spent some time this summer with the BOA marching band kids, and they were working with Crown, so you got to see every rep of their goddamn ridiculous show. It’s the same premise as last year’s (random singing, science, weird-ass props, love story with color guard), but now with David Bowie, trampolines, sweaty neon pants, and way too many Frisbees.
Not that Cadets are any less bizarre. WHY ARE THEY MESSING WITH VOICEOVERS. WHY ARE THEY PLAYING SIMPLE GIFTS LIKE EVERY GODDAMN AMERICANA SHOW. The whole thing feels like a rejected Troopers premise.
Crown reminds me of Cavies’ Machine in a good way. A little gimmicky (I remember seeing it on the fan network right at the beginning of the season and I was like WOOF) but they won me over in Allentown bc (1) there is impressive shit going on everywhere at all times and (2) that hornline can really play. I’m a guardie so I’ve got to appreciate Crown, their visual package isn’t just an afterthought where they “plug in” the guard.
UGH CADETS WHY. They are scoring well but I am still embarrassed for them. I’m not always a fan of Copeland but I think their closer is beautiful. Stop mucking things up with the stupid narration! I’m not even a narration purist, The Zone is one of my all time favorite shows. And ugh, a show about white men narrated by a white man? Snore. Idgaf about those pictures of diverse Americans they have now.
So I really want Bluecoats and Tilt to take it. I’ve never liked BD’s style, and their guard sits at a table for half the show. BORING. Bluecoats incorporate props and electronics in ways that enhance their hornline’s performance. That pitch tilt! I really want them to punch up their visual package though. My prediction is on finals night the guard pulls chain flags or something out of those Vs that they dance with for half the show.
Phantom Regiment is my all time favorite. Best musicality in DCI and most beautiful guard. If only my precious behbehs could learn to march.
My only problem with Phantom’s show is that my last high school show was Swan Lake and it went in a completely different direction, so I get all this misdirected nostalgia every time I see it. I haven’t yet seen the Bluecoats in person, so I’m reserving judgement, but they look a lot more interesting than the prop orgy the Devils have going.
Prop orgy! Too true! And they hardly do anything with them. I’m sure this will shock shock SHOCK you but the Blue Devils horns play really loud. and fast. and then they move for 16 counts. and then they play really loud again. Sometimes they play loud while standing on tables. Somehow this is going to break the record for highest scoring show ever.
My friend was like, “I’m kind of mad they spent all that money on trampolines and didn’t use them very much,” and I was like what about the FORTY EXTRA TRUMPETS that the low brass played for, what, 15 seconds?
omg wonderful, I was so into DCI in high school and this makes me wanna get back into it. I went to finals in Madison in 2006 or 7 and stayed til 1 am to see every single show.
I think 2006 was the last year it was in Madison and if it was then I was there too and also stayed until 1am to see Cavies perform “Over the Rainbow” (love those little gay boys). Toast connections!
CAVALIERS. CAVIES ALWAYS. ALWAYS AND FOREVER. (i cannot help but love them.)
also, SCV is amazing.
They are such a wonderful corps! I took my two friends to Big Loud and Live in theaters last night who had never seen corps. Cavies was a favorite for both of them. They really know how to win over the crowd.
Have you seen the winterguard version of 007 from the 80s?! My guard instructor had it on tape and it BLEW MY TEENAGE MIND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUXW6kDUouE
oh my god no – but that is my favorite thing of the day. you are amazing; thank you for sharing! (i just squealed here at my desk and disrupted my minion. oops.)
i just – i may actually lose it every time that the drum major’s salute to the judges happens. yes, please. do that again.
*fans self*
Ohhhh I was so deep into DCI as a high school marching band geek that I am kind of sad the enthusiasm died out for me in the years following! I have no idea who to watch anymore.
You’re from MN too, right?! Our high school bands probably competed against each other – though we did the summer street marching season. Outstate MN represent.
The top ten has shuffled a bit but not really changed since about 2000 with the exception of Carolina Crown. Just watch Phantom, Cavies, and Blue Stars because Midwest is Best.
Hee, actually I’m from Atlanta! Though with my Scandinavianness I can see how I’d come across as being from up thataway. I did all my marching in Metro Atlanta which was a LOT of fun because I came from an upper-crusty outskirts area (I was not myself upper-crusty, but I happened to be in the school district that had a lot of upper-crusties) so we did our marching the traditional roll your feet way and then we competed against inner-city schools where they HIGH STEPPED. SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH.
Oh wow! Between the name and some discussion of Scandinavia (Finland?) and maybe confusing you with someone else I totally thought you were from the great state of MN- where my band also did roll step! High step is intense.
Lots of great marching in Atlanta and that awesome big DCI show, which is what first took me to Atlanta.
Finland! Yes!
High step is definitely intense. I bet those guys were in the greatest shape.
YESSSSSSS
I am more of a DCA person (Caballeros alumni, anybody else out there who even knows what DCA is??) but I loved watching the shows last night
Overall I thought it was a really interesting study in how some of the new stuff that the old guard thinks is sacrilege is working super well (the Bluecoats was a good example of how modern composers, kind of forward thinking design, and even recordings can be really effective) and some of it is way too much (oh god I could not have rolled my eyes harder at the Cadets voiceover bits). I think it’ll be really nice when it all settles down a little more.
I loved a lot of the teams in like 3-12, Bluecoats, Cavies, whoever did the Home show (Blue Stars? too many blue names!), SCV, Madison Scouts were all super cool.
DCA! I love DCA, but they are not as easy to follow as DCI is now. Some of my besties are MN Brass alum and that is in the ‘pro’ column of the ongoing pro/con list of moving back to MN.
I think you are spot on about Bluecoats and Cadets. I hope the judges see it! It was Blue Stars who did the home show. I made the corps in 2007 but couldn’t march because I didn’t have the money (a major life regret of mine) but I still feel like they’re kind of ‘my’ corps.
Love me some MN Brass!! I thought they should have won it last year (but I am anti-same-people-winning-always, so I am anti-Bucs). You’re right that it’s harder to follow now, I mostly get my news from my Facebook friends, though I did go to Championships the last 2 years since I live in Annapolis. I might have to stream it this year.
Bucs are indeed the Blue Devils of DCA (why so much blue?) and it is boring when they take it. I live in DC and had a crazy thought that I was close enough to march Bucs but I looked at how much rehearsal time they require and nope. I’m sure all the other DCA corps could be good too if they required 5pm Friday- noon Sunday camps every weekend for five months. I’ll keep marching my plucky little queer street group.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all things drum corps! Grew up watching drum corps shows all summer long – best memories ever. My Dad was a drummer in the 1941 National Champions from American Legion Square Post in Chicago, and all my brothers and sisters still love going to drum corps shows. DCI Finals is on my Bucket List – hopefully next year! Phantom Regiment ROCKS and is my all-time fave!!!
Oh, no, I think I’m too late for this thread! But as a h.s. color guard person I used to be sooooo into this, and I’m so excited to see it on the Toast! We were big Cavaliers fans because they had ties to my high school, and I actually auditioned for the Phantom Regiment rifle line years ago but got cut in the final audition because I couldn’t throw… a six? or a seven? Some enormous throw that I just wasn’t strong enough for.
Anyway! How do you guys watch DCI now? Is paying to live stream it the only way? The finals always used to be re-aired on public television on Thanksgiving morning (clearly I’m not still into it enough to need to watch as it happens) but I haven’t seen it on in years.
I watched it in a movie theater on Thursday, but there is a show (Allentown) that some people near me trek out to see.
BLUECOATS OVER CADETS WHAAATTTTTT
oh my god thank god it’s fridayyyy this week feels like it has just been draggin along.
i am heading on a train home tonight to see my parents and my mom said she made PIE so all is well.
OK, two things, toasties.
First, I’d like you to go here because I’m writing it. http://lostcitystory.wordpress.com/
Secondly, my tattoo is still flaking slightly, but is healed enough to show you pictures. I was thinking that along with cat thread (scroll up) this week we might have tattoo thread where we can post our tatts, talk about our planned tatts, and where newbies can ask questions without worrying about being laughed at.
Currently debating adding more to this, but if I do it’ll be next year.
Cat Thread and Tatt Thread!
Also, I love your tatts!
Oh man I LOVE the cityscape design, it’s so beautiful! I really like sketch-y watercolour-y styles
Thanks! I mainly think it needs something around the clockhands and the elbow, but it’s so gorgeous right now that I want to think carefully before adding anything.
Love the colors! I will lurk the hell out of any tattoo thread – I have none myself and don’t know if I ever will, but so many people have so many cool ones.
WOAH
So I clicked over to Lone Rambler and read Chapter One… and then Chapter Two… and can’t wait for more. I am seriously invested in Red 87, and desperately want to know more about, about everything! I love the way it’s written, the showing-not-telling, the whole set up. Your story is completely fantastic. And bookmarked, and I’ll see if I can think of anything worth suggesting.
(Sorry, I might be going a bit overboard, basically I’m just trying to say that I really enjoyed reading it, and I’m not saying this just because you are a Toastie etc.)
Thanks, that’s really kind! I’m hoping more people do suggest things, I only have two suggestions I’m trying to incorporate so far (though one is big enough it’ll have to wait).
It updates on sunday, and I’m trying to hit between 1000 and 2000 words with each update.
the colors the colors!!!!! soooo goooooood!!!!
That is looking beautiful!
I am debating what to do next. Possibly a little shoulder cap thing or start down a leg… I currently have this lot, so my back and torso are full, and I don’t want to go down my arms.
(that one says “When God created the horse, he said to the magnificent creature: I have made thee as no other. All the treasures of the earth shall lie between thy eyes. Thou shalt cast thy enemies between thy hooves, but thou shalt carry my friends upon they back. Thy saddle shall be the seat of prayers to me. And thou fly without any wings, and conquer without any sword.”)
(that one says Silver Shadows, which is my horse’s registered name.)
Wow, that’s incredible. And the line work is so smooth! A shoulder cap/front shoulder/collar bone might be a good place, but if you don’t want to go down your arms you could go for your legs?
beautifulllll!
here are a few of mine…
my little rat (and part of ferdinand the bull)
and some poppies (and the rest of ferdinand)
and my big dipper/little dipper
and rather a shoddy photo, but my neko case lyrics (“i own every bell that tolls me”)
All he wants to do is sniff the flowers =(
he was my favorite growing up…and the first tattoo i got, too!
I’m in the always-wanted-a-tattoo-but-don’t-know-what-to-get camp.
Children’s book illustrations… that could be a fruitful idea…
NEKO CASE LYRIC TATTOO
ughhh i would happily cover myself with her words.
These are lovely! I love te fine line drawing style.
thank you 🙂 so far they’ve aged pretty well…i’m hoping they’ll stay sharp for at least another decade, haha.
I’m thinking of a big dipper/little dipper for my next one (I’m on a nostalgia kick, and I could always see those two out of my bedroom window as a kid). I was thinking forearms, but then I’d have to have a long-sleeved thing to wear at work in case I’m talking to clients and I haaate sleeves, so I may copy your front-of-shoulder placement instead.
(Also all of yours are gorgeous)
thanks 🙂 i’ve been lucky enough so far that none of my jobs (even my current office-based one) doesn’t care…but i still am steering clear of below-the-elbow tattoos, just in case.
also, yay for constellation tattoos! you should definitely get yours—wherever you see fit!
Yeah, I’m actually super-lucky in that I work at a fancy-ish law firm and they let me have a mohawk and not cover my tattoos unless I’m directly interacting with clients, but still…
haha oh my gosh i follow you on tumblr I didn’t know you were also a toastie! is that creepy that i recognize your tattoos i hope not
that’s not creepy at all! what’s your tumblr name? if i don’t already follow you back, i gladly will–all the toastie tumblrs i’ve read so far have been a+++.
it’s yourpretendfriend 🙂
This one is my absolute favorite (based on this poster):
I love it so much I don’t even care that it commemorates the beginning of a relationship that is now ending.
I got my second thigh piece colored in and I am just past the gross flaky stage, so let me share a picture of shortly after it was done!
<div style=”overflow: auto;” abp=”9526″>
(also, yes, it is totally a Sailor Moon reference)
edit: these are tattoos 12 and 13 and I am at work so I can’t get pictures of the rest, sadly. 🙁
These are sooooo beauitiful
That sleeve is a thing of beauty. I’m currently debating between getting a pansexual triangle on my scalp with the Dormer look, and finding a really freckly place to put a negative of this:![]()
I love those colors!
here is my crow. I only have shitty pictures available I’m sorry!
it’s holding a key, which is supposed to go to a cage, which I will get tattooed on my ribcage sometime in the next year or so.
He is a lovely crow.
Ah! Owl Queen, I love the water colory-ness of that blue and purple! I would love a tattoo like that, but so far neither of the artists I’ve been to have said that it’s their forte.
Here’s my most recent, and my favorite:
I got her in London last year. One of the girls I stayed with is an illustrator, and she’d done the mermaid for her flatmate. She made some adjustments for me — short hair, reading a book, and sitting on one of Van Gogh’s crabs.
I love upper-inner arm tattoos.
Oh, that is beautiful!
I have always wanted a tattoo but I have terrrrrible skin and virtually no clear spaces to put anything, and I’m afraid that embedding ink into it would only cause it to revolt further, so I’ve stuck to admiring them on other people. In other words: everyone plz to continue with tat pics.
here is my giant garlic thigh piece
Oh, that is very pretty!
And I clicked on your link and am following your blog. My novel is about the post-apocalypse (ha, and my latest blog post too, I am a bit of a dystopia/post-apocalypse fan). I am just about to make tea but will go over and read your blog later this evening. I’m looking forward checking it out and no doubt will be eager to suggest some things 😀
I have acquired a dehydrator!! I made beef jerky last night and I feel like a mountain woman. Someone get me a bear to wrestle.
Anyone out there dehydrate stuff? I love dried fruit and I’d like to try making some on my own.
I don’t but I would love to hear about this!
oh my godddddddddddddd please please make jerky for me!
I do! I’ve tried some raw food dehydration recipes where you soak nuts, grind them with various things and then make “cheese slices,” croutons, fruit leathers, etc. I’m not vegan or practice any diet restrictions but I really enjoy doing some raw recipes from time to time.
I have an electric smoker, not a dehydrator, so all I make is beef jerky and smoked salmon, but my parents have a dehydrator and it is so much fun. My biggest surprise: prunes are actually really really good if you leave them juuuuust a little bit moist and use not quite super-ripe plums so they turn out tart and chewy.
Mmmmm yes italian plums just a bit less than super-ripe and then dried… holy.
YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I’ve been making my own jerky for years. I know exactly what you mean. Whenever I lay out all the pieces on their rack, I’m thinking “Here is me, being so SURVIVALIST and HARD CORE” when I know in reality I would rather lay day and die than survive an apocalypse because I’m lazy and like easy, regular access to things like The Internet and Toilet Paper.
Yeah, me too. I know I could totally survive (as long as there were no rampaging gangs or zombies, let’s just be clear about my abilities, here) but really, how exhausting would it be to have to do everything completely manually and by hand? Ugh.
heck yessss. Bananas are the best dried, I think, because they’re 10,000 times better than the weird crispy banana chips from the store (which I hate always, but I guess some people do like).
I made beef jerky from a HEART once and I felt like the most powerful witch on my whole island
SO TRUE. I inhale dehydrated banana chips like they’re a still-warm loaf of banana bread.
Interesting. How was the texture? I have a bunch of pork hearts on hand that nobody wants to buy so I need to figure out how to eat them. Never considered drying them.
I used a beef heart, but it was actually really nice! Heart has a perfectly respectable texture, being a muscle and all.
oooooOOOOooo! Deets, if you don’t mind? I have a quarter of a beef heart in my freezer RIGHT NOW.
ya! I used this recipe/method: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/6-sneaky-ways-to-w… Basically just slicing it up really thinly, marinating it, and sticking it in the dehydrator!
(Also that was me with the #teenagedirtbag comment on tumblr, hi! Different usernames, sorry.)
Thank you for the link! I need to get back to reading MDA. I don’t remember why I stopped…
perfect gif. laughed out loud.
this
is
INCREDIBLE
fuck yes I am making heart jerky
I have a dehydrator and use it regularly for dried fruit. I LOVE it. I got it after running my oven for, like, a week drying Italian plums last year, and I can’t wait to use it when we start getting plums again this year. Dried fruit is the best.
I don’t, but I’ll be right over to do some dried apricots in your dehydrator. OOH, you could potentially make fruit leather, too right?! I love fruit leather! You must post pictures!!
I’m going to watch a bunch of dweebs in uniforms walk in lines that change into other lines while playing musical instruments and avoiding projectiles flung around them by other, dancing dweebs. Like so:
Ughhhhhhhh I love DCI so much
I JUST POSTED ABOUT THIS ABOVE! If you are actually in indy I am so jealous. Who are you rooting for?
I’m not rooting for anybody in the top 10, because male-only drum corps are against my misandrist beliefs, the Blue Devils win everything, I’m sick of watching Phantom kill things, and I have a bone to pick with every show. I generally go for Spirit of Atlanta since they always look like they’re enjoying it the most.
Phantom has an all lady guard! And I love when the black swans are turning the hornline evil. Misandrist revolution!
Blue Stars’ show is basically about Uhauling. Seriously. Look at the femme-femme couple that ends the show on the couch together.
Spirit show is just ok, imho.
WAIT THEY WERE ACTUALLY LESBIANS
I THOUGHT I WAS IMAGINING THINGS AND IT WAS JUST A VERY FEY GUARD BOY
OH MY GOD
(as if there’s such a thing as a non-fey guard boy but still)
The rifle soloist is a fey guard boy but there is a lot of lady:lady partner work in the guard and at the end of the show two ladies are sitting on the couch. Femmes forever!
I also choose to interpret the Scouts’ show as a tale of increasing, but not yet complete, acceptance of homosexuals over time. Some might say my worldview is coloring things but I say the author is dead and C’MON SOME OF THAT STUFF IS TOTES GAY.
All I see is closeted 1900s to relaxed attitudes during the ’20s to the celebration after Stonewall and then, bam, AIDS at the end. Maybe that makes me a horrible person.
Nope. I’m with you.
Hey, former marching band member here. We are not dweebs. We are (were – very long time ago) very physically fit, capable of complex combinations of physical and musical feats, and extremely entertaining. Unlike baseball where 30% is considered a good performance, we are happy with nothing less than 100%.
It’s in tune or it’s not. Now I’m hearing my old mentor yelling PITCH, GODAMMIT, PITCH!
Dude. I am a band dweeb myself. Everyone I know in marching band is a band dweeb. I used to pay hundreds of dollars every summer to go to extra band dweeb camps with dweebs from all over the nation, where we were taught the art of dweebery from the biggest dweebs in the business.
This summer I willingly spent a week of my vacation helping the next generation of dweebs at that camp learn their dweebery from last year’s World Champion dweebs, all of whom were wearing neon blue pants and singing David Bowie. I was most commonly addressed as “swaggie” while doing so. We are an activity entirely composed of dweebs. Let it go, man.
AMEN
/former clarinet section dictator
The number of times I screamed at people YOU’RE GOING FLAT ADJUST YOUR BARREL OR SO HELP ME
ahhh, memories
Dictator is the *only* way to run a section.
Well, that or you could be a ridiculously skilled yet non-threatening ball of sunshine and rainbows, but that only worked for one guy I know, and I hear his section lunches were terrible.
Mband is very Machiavellian – have both if you can but if you must choose between fear and love to rule, choose FEAR.
I enjoyed the fact that we all shared a common goal and standards were clear and unequivocal. That was true for all the music performance groups I was in. We all expect to be perfectly in tune, to be faithful to the composer’s intent, to execute entrances and styles with exactitude. True teamwork. I miss it.
I somehow managed to be both a ruthless section head and also a beloved band princess. I bet it was because I was 5’4″ with boobs and a natural tendency to laugh very easily, so all the boys immediately went <3_<3 (this sounds self-centered? IDEK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT OTHERWISE) and then all the clarinets were like “grumble grumble” during marching season even THEY had to admit I only did it because I loved band so much and my own reputation was sunshine and flowers, despite the ruthless foot-stomping.
I have not been able to replicate this as an adult, though. I’m a supervisor now and as far as I know, they all think I’m kind of scary.
Scary is good. It’s respect.
::scarybitch fistbump::
PREACH.
(People laugh when I tell them I fucked up my knee in marching band in high school. People who were not in marching band, that is. Goddamn that West Side Story show junior year.)
As someone who used to work in cahoots with these guys (Bands of America, not DCI), I hope you have fun and that visiting Lucas Oil is a delight for you! DCI World Champs is always like the beginning of marching Christmas for my old office, so anyone hanging out in the volunteer shirts are probably SUPER EXCITED TO SEE YOU!!
(As an aside, this is reminding me that when I saw Carolina Crown’s show this year at DCI Muncie that it was RIDICULOUSLY OFF THE CHAIIIIIIN, 10/10 WOULD REC DAT PERC SOLO IN THE MIDDLE AND TRAMPOLINES TO EVERYBODY FOR ALL TIME!!)
oh my goodness what even is this?
It’s Drum Corps. It’s like fancy marching band, but there’s only percussion and horns. Here are some highlights from last year! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO9H2Hw8Sgw
Hellooo Toasties!
This week my partner and I booked flights to move to my home country! Eeee it’s actually happening!! And even though I’m happy we’re going, now that it’s done I’m having the old “Ah shit did we fuck this up” thoughts. My brain is kind to me, clearly.
And for those who remember my visa freak out (with regards to his visa), we eventually got that sorted, though it did take a while. And there are visas to come. Small steps…
Congratulations! Tell your brain to be quiet and enjoy the in-flight entertainment/ single serving of peanuts.
Thanks =)
I suggested a Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell casting thread in another post, and since a few other Toastrons love the book, I hope you’ll join me here.
Here is the list of actors whose names I do not recognize: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Strange_%26…
Some of them sound nice: Eddie Marsan as Norrell, sure. Ariyon Bakare is appropriately Stephen-handsome. I can see Enzo Cilenti brooding it up as Childermass, sure. Marc Warren gave me pause for a minute, but the more I look at him, the more I can see him as a petulant, unpredictable gentleman with thistledown hair.
But Bertie Carvel is too handsome to be Jonathan Strange. Jonathan is supposed to be kind of ugly, you know? But like, sexy-ugly. Actually when I read the book I always pictured Jason Flemyng.
Your plea to differ is already granted. Thoughts?
Marsan is an excellent actor, but for some reason I always pictured Norrell as almost elderly or approaching elderly. When I read the book, I kept picturing Patrick Stewart.
I knew it would never happen, but my dream for the Gentleman with Thistledown Hair was Matt King (aka Super Hans from Peep Show).
I love this book and can’t wait to see the miniseries. Godspeed, BBC!
I’ve heard other folks say something similar–picturing Norrell as an old man–and he certainly is querulous and white-wigged. But I always imagined him as a middle-aged man who was super old and gnarled at heart.
I’ve never seen Matt King in anything, but google showed me some pictures of him glammed up, and I’ll buy it. I want my gentleman with thistledown hair to be wearing eyeliner, for sure.
THERE IS GOING TO BE A MINI-SERIES OF THIS BOOK?!?!?! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is literally my favorite book that I have ever read. I love every single bit of it, and would like to read entire books based on the footnotes as well.
I know, right?! This is the first time I’ve heard of this adaptation and WOOHOO! That book is amazing.
Flemyng is possibly the most Jonathan Strange looking face I have ever seen, well done you. I am shit at fancasting but I just wanted to say WOW.
: D
To be fair, I had fairly recently seen The Red Violin when I read JS&N. In that movie, Jason Flemyng plays a brilliant, arrogant, strangely charismatic magician violinist. With a completely ridiculous and yet still erotic scene with Greta Scacchi.
I think Marc Warren will be surprisingly good actually. It does take a minute to think about it though!
Jason Flemying is EXACTLY who I pictured. Excellent choice. 😀
What what what?!? I am equal parts thrilled and horrified to discover plans for a TV show. Hmmm.
Toasties, let me tell you about my dear lovely wife. My wife is a naturally funny person, she makes me laugh all the time. But to be honest, she’s funnier asleep than she is when she’s awake. I relay to you this story of how much of a conversation she can hold while completely asleep:
Wife: “You haven’t learned anything, Bastardsnow, you haven’t learned anything.”
Bastardsnow: “What was I supposed to learn?”
W: “You haven’t learned magic! You were supposed to!”
BS: “Okay, well, I’ll cast a spell.”
W: “You better not, you don’t know what it’ll do! Do you want to turn into a caterpillar?”
And then she turned over and she was fast asleep.
In her sleep, my wife has done such things as declare she is *not* a baby duck, she has reminded me not to point my pencil in her eyeball, she has informed me she was alone in a line of monks, and said some really creepy shit, like she was hearing screaming and shrieking, or that a creepy dude was looking at her when she was in a photograph.
Toasties, are your sleeping arrangements such that you have been entertained by another while they slept? What kinds of things did they say?
Jos just snores. I am the sleep-talker/sleep-walker in this relationship. But I only do it every now and again. The two he remembers are ‘Spiders. Spiders in the Camels’ a few nights ago, and me getting up and walking around the bedroom stripping and muttering about ‘Goddamn elves, sneaky fucking pointy-eared fucks’ when I had flu a year or two ago.
But when I was a young teen, a group of us were sleeping at a friends for halloween when one of us sat bolt upright, said ‘It’s alright, he’s in the cupboard’ and went back to sleep.
He just informed me that my sleep talking is mostly nonsense, with occasional real words mixed in. I take aprts of words and mash them together, but talk in a way that it sounds like real conversation.
I asked husband where he wanted to meet me one day while I was getting ready for work and he was still asleep. He said, “Tiananmen Square.”
hahaha I’m the sleep talker in my relationship! For a few nights I was, while soundly sleeping, demanding my husband put me in the right “sleep hole”. Now every night he tells me “sweet dreams and I hope you find the right sleep hole”. I wonder what it means…
alone in a line of monks is amazing
Hahaha… though I would be very freaked out by the creepy ones.
My husband once asked me, urgently, if I had my altimeter. Another time, we had this conversation:
Husband (sits straight up and appears awake): What time is check-out?
Me (confused): What?
Husband: Check-out! What time is check-out?
Me: What are you talking about.
Husband (puts his hand on my knee and gives me a more condescending look like none I have ever seen from him awake): We’re in a hotel.
Me: No, we’re not.
Husband (looks around our room): Oh. You’re right. (Instantly back asleep, at least until I woke him up by dying laughing.)
Oh man, that is exactly how my husband sleep talks too. He sits bolt upright and has something urgent to tell me, then he looks at me like I’m trying to trick him when I tell him a) he’s asleep and b) we’re not in a boat/hotel/wherever. It’s usually hilarious, but one time he thought he saw a giant spider and actually had me convinced enough to tear the bed apart looking for it.
Recently my partner sat up in bed after being asleep for an hour and asked “What about the little scarecrow?”
It was really creepy, for some reason. Also another time he flexed his arm and almost choked me because I was laying on his arm. I think he had been doing a lot of weight training and was sleep-lifting.
When we were teaching a lot of self-defense we almost pummelled our partner a few times when he’d drape an arm across us or something and our body would go into ‘And now elbow to the face!’ mode.
Both my BF and I occasionally talk in our sleep. Example:
Me: (asleep) “mumble mumble something unintelligible”
Him: (thinking I was actually conscious) “What? What did you say?”
Me: (still asleep, but now angry, apparently) “God! You never listen to me!!”
I then rolled over and gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the night.
Mr. Fluffernutter (in a half-asleep state): I had a dream that I was a monster last night. But I was the wost kind of monster.
Me: What kind of monster is that?
Mr. F: A giant chicken!! And none of the other monsters took me seriously because I didn’t have arms! So I was just walking around a city trying to destroy things and failing.
He has no recollection of this dream or conversation. Also, way back when I lived with my grandma, I awoke naked from the waist up and the shirt that I’d gone to sleep in was all the way across the room. I laughed and laughed at the thought that I must have sat up in the middle of the night, ripped my shirt off, and thrown it away with great determination.
YOU KNOW NOTHING, BASTARDSNOW.
Well that’s just rude.
Once an old partner was sleep talking with me about a mythical creature, and I sketched it while he described it- it was basically half dragon, half man with a sweet half-suit of armor, plus it had a jetpacks strapped to its shoes.
My mom once woke me from a nap and I was pissed off because goddammit, where’s my parachute!
Okay, so one time when I was a kid my mom was late coming home from work. She was supposed to be home at 7, but it was 8. Dad was asleep, but my sister and I woke him up to tell him Mom wasn’t home yet. Half-awake, Dad patiently explained, “Look at the clock. It’s 8 o’clock. 8 o’clock equals 80 miles per hour. That’s really fast. So Mom should be home any minute.” He immediately put his head down on the pillow and fell asleep again. (Mom did indeed show up a few minutes later.)
I’m the entertainer, apparently. Mr. Hoovian told me a week or two ago that one particularly amusing night, I was playing Jeopardy. Making wagers, selecting categories, everything. I was apparently KILLING IT, though, because I got to select almost everything. He said he listened for a while trying to figure out what the things I was responding to were before finally waking me up (usually waking up and then going back to sleep gets me to quiet down, so he gently wakes me just enough to get me to stop. Half the time I don’t even remember him doing it).
That…that is FANTASTIC. I want to play dream!Jeopardy!
Yesterday morning my mister kissed me on his way to work and I erupted from deep sleep to flail my arms and scream “I’M A DINOSAUR!!!!!” I woke up halfway through and was so confused I just flopped under the covers. He was kind of alarmed.
oh, and another time I wouldn’t let him get in the bed because there were “beans everywhere.” I made him sit on the edge of the bed while I pushed imaginary beans around the sheets. Again, I woke up halfway through and kind of trailed off and rolled over when I realized how weird I was being.
That is *amazing*.
I have sleep fights. I woke up once when I started knee-ing my partner in bed because, in my dream, I had caught some asshole who was trying to steal my car. I grabbed the dude, bent him over and kneed him in the gut.
Another sleep fight had me swiftly kick my partner – again I was fending off some crime of some sort.
I basically trained myself to stop doing this by practicing lucid sleep. It works. YMMV.
My wife sometimes wakes up just screaming bloody murder.
‘What is it?” I ask.
“It’s there, it’s on the ceiling I can SEE IT!”
“See it? See what, what is it?”
“It’s fucking THERE!”
“What? What is?”
She turns back over, asleep as a stone. Leaving me with the adrenaline rush, staring at the ceiling, my heart pounding in my ears.
Oof.
My husband occasionally talks in his sleep and he is hilarious, when I can catch him at it. He wakes up laughing at a joke he just dreamed A LOT. My all-time favorite though was when he said: “you forgot…bees carry knives!”
Back when I was obsessively watching Law and Order: SVU and fantasizing about being a detective, I woke up my whole family once (we were all sharing a hotel room) by shouting, Stabler-style, “WELL ANSWER THE QUESTION!”
My ex fell asleep on the couch while we were watching the Winter Olympics (in the early 90s) and he started thrashing around and making a desperate noise. I woke him up gently and as he came to he started laughing uproariously. He told me he had been swimming the relay short track.
One time, a friend of mine slept over (a lady friend on whom I had a bit of a crush, mind you), and she asked me, after we’d woken up,
Her: “did we make out last night?”
Me: “no. no we did not.”
Her: “Oh. I guess I must have dreamt that, then.”
Me: “…”
Vancouver & environs Toasties! If you haven’t already, pick me up on twitter (@ kiranmartin) and we’ll try to organize ourselves into something vaguely resembling a group that sometimes goes out and does stuff together.
If twitter doesn’t end up being the best way to manage it, we can do something else like g+ & have each other in a Toast-related circle or something, or…buy a bunch of passenger pigeons and send notes, or….?
how are there not more BC toasties?
I am a BC toastie! But I am on an island and only have a very tenuous grasp of what twitter is
are you on THE island? because me toooo
YES. Island toast up? To the beach?
If Island Toasties and Northern Toasties and Interior Toasties want to be part of a one BC group thing (and then you can organize closer-to-home stuff within that setting) I am up for that.
me too!
I am a Northern Toastie who would be VERY interested in that. I am unlikely to make it to a Vancouver or Island meet up, but I am sometimes in those areas so maybe!
I’m away until September, but we should have an island toast-up sometime!
Okay, that is a great idea. Touch base when you are home!
Hey, wait, I’m also on The Island! I want to make friends on The Island! Nobody I know is misandrist at ALL.
I, for one, hope to be drinking fluorescent yellow cocktails well into my 90s.
You guys, I have so had it with working with men. I just started a new job and was advised that one of the senior men has driven off employees before but “treat him like your dad and he’ll be one to you”. I’m so sick of working with men who want to play ‘dad’, and it sucks that that’s considered an acceptable thing for them to demand. I’m 30! I don’t want to play anyone’s daughter when I’m trying to get shit done! I’m eagerly awaiting being old enough to get out of that game, except I’m sure there will be some other stupid role they’ll want me to play.
Barf. Good luck. I have no advice for you. 🙁
I’m the only woman in my office, and I’ve found that just telling men where you stand works pretty well. Like, “Well, I’m not in the market for a new father.”
I once had this interaction with my boss/mentor (I’m in academia), who has a reputation for pushing for information about his students’ personal lives, and often making them cry in the process:
Him: I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me about what’s going on in your life.
Me: Well, I just think you’re not my therapist and I don’t need to talk to you about it.
Him: …. I think it’s interesting that you used the word “therapist.”
Me: [Packs up shit, leaves]
He never pushed me about it again, and we have a great working, professional relationship.
SHUT IT DOWN.
Some of my favorite responses to inappropriate comments at work:
“Oh, how funny. That’s a good joke.”
“No, you can’t be serious. No one does that at work.”
i wish i could give you more than just support here. i’ve worked with my share of men, some great, some the worst of all time. unfortunately, it can be equally as bad with women.
in the bigger picture, working & dealing with people is a lot of trial and error until you find the right people. since you’re the constant here, just keep your professionalism, state your boundaries, and if you feel the group isn’t right, move on and keep looking.
I have no advice to give, but as a fellow “why can’t we work together as professionals, which is what we are” devotee, you have all my sympathies.
I was going to post about finally making an appointment to see a therapist, but then I got her voicemail and I chickened out, so I’m going to email her instead! But that’s progress! Riiiiight? I mean, it took me a week to psych myself up to make the phone call, because phones are from the devil.
Also! I got word from on high that I get to keep my summer intern at least through the end of the year. Which is super exciting because a) I need her help, b) she’s awesome and I was in her place a few years ago and c) it means my boss loved all my reports. My workplace is hella fucked up and good work often goes unrewarded while bad work gets excused, so it’s nice to get some support at last.
And finally! I know it’s only August but I’m getting super excited by the thought of fall! Crisp air! Apple cider! Pumpkin muffins! Back to school time always gets me going (who doesn’t want to pick out which cat folders and gel pens to use at school all year!?), even though I haven’t actually gone back to school in a while. I also really love the transition from summer to fall clothes. Wearing jeans outside again without dying of heat stroke, that is always a win!
So Toasties, what do you love about fall?
Yay, good for you! Boyfriend is currently in the same boat (called, was told to call someone else, chickened out, called, got a voicemail, left a message, got a response he missed, chickened out on calling back the voicemail, etc) but his first appointment finally got made and it’s today! PROGRESS YOU CAN DO IT
Also phones really are the devil and 99% of the time I will email vs call. Talking to people live when I can’t see them always makes me feel weirdly unprepared and nervous
I just hit the “I’m ready for fall” point too. Soup! Baking! Not being ridiculously hot all the time!
Oh also today the husband and I have our second appt with a couples therapist who we tentatively like. Running a business with your spouse who is depressed and isolated, when he is 100% FTE at the business and you are like 10% because you also work a full-time office job, and you are too tired to be his social outlet when you get home? Turns out to be difficult!
I AM SO EXCITED FOR FALL. I have been doing a work placement in a small town for the summer which has been beautiful but lonely but in September I move back to my beautiful city and to PANTS and LEATHER JACKETS and drinking TEA!
I also LOVE making soup (to the point where my friends make fun of me for it because I will happily turn down social invitations to tend to my soup) and I’m excited to be able to make stock without turning my apartment into a sauna.
Soup is my favorite food. I love soup.
Yep, therapists who use email are the most lovely. And like super_novice, I’m looking forward to making soup. It’s probably my most zen activity in all weathers – sometimes I come home from work, plunk down my bag, and immediately get out the cutting board to start chopping carrots and onions. So relaxing.
yeah girl
Being able to eat food that is warm and not hate myself for doing so. (Gazpacho is nice but I can only take so much of my soup cold.) That, and cardigans.
AUTUMN
Getting to take my daughter shopping for school supplies has totally set my brain going for fall fall fall pumpkins apples hot tea long slow-braised stews yum. There are lots of things I love about living in California but the fact that we do not actually HAVE crisp air autumn leaves etc etc until usually the end of October (and sometimes not even until mid-November) drives me nuts.
Growing up in the desert, I did not experience “autumn”. My mother planned an annual trip to the mountains so her kids could see autumn foliage. Once a year we sat in the car for half a day, got out to collect orange, yellow, and red leaves, then got back in the car for the rest of the day to get home. We called it “Going to See Autumn”. The next-door neighbor always thought we were going to a place named Autumn. It took years for her to understand what we were talking about.
FALLLLL. I love fall so much. I want to haul out my embarrassingly ginormous scarf collection and start wearing them again. Spring this year stayed cooler longer than usual, so I got to wear them later into the year, but now I’ve been away from them for ages. Fall is when I can finally pull them back out.
And cold air! And changing leaves! And also my birthday, which is at the end of October!
Autumn means being able to comfortably wear pants and sweaters, sitting on the porch and looking at the fresh snow dusting the mountains while drinking hot coffee, and hitting up the farmers markets for fresh produce to can and pickle. Mmmm.
::gasps for air because open thread is such a safe space and this week was so unreal::
I am so grateful for my amazing family and friends. This soon to be ex husband of mine has upped the ante in so many hurtful, abusive ways, and my people have been my saving grace. I can’t wait to start a life with him on the outside.
And you, my phenomenal toastrons, are a part of this happy family. Thank you.
In the words of Madonna… “youuuu can’t hurrrrt me nowwwwww….”
((noodge))
And does anyone have any tips on teflon coating one’s squishy emotional core? he’s found a new apartment 2 blocks away from the house, and is now being verbally abusive all the time, not just when he’s drunk. I have been unsuccessful in maintaining my equilibrium when he does this (IE: I burst into tears… I’ve kept myself from raging or doing anything else) even though I know he’s just pushing my buttons to try to make me look unhinged. HALP?!?!
Depending on how deeply you identified with original Star Trek reruns as a child, you could try reminding yourself that, as a Vulcan, you feel emotions as or more intensely than the humans around you, but you must operate from the standpoint of logic.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Men deliberately being awful to make women look unhinged is something that puts me right back on course if I allow my misandry to waver.
How you respond to abuse is OK. Any response is OK. It’s not your fault. Cry if you feel like it. Never mind what onlookers might think. Your safety and health come first. Do try to avoid giving him any feedback, though. Turn away from him every time. Do not answer back. Just type to us all about it. Or call a friend. Give all the feedback to safe outlets.
I’m so sorry he’s doing this to you.
As a person with about 15 layers of prickly armour around my heart, a person who practices emotional obfuscation, it’s not something that can really be learned fast, but my tips are to try and keep the emotions of your face. Feel them as hard as you want, but only respond with bland statements. Think of yourself as a shape in the mist, you cannot be grasped or harmed.
And later, write down EVERY SINGLE INCIDENT in plain, non-emotive language. (though do include statements like ;this made me feel *x*).
Remember: you are fire, you are void, his hands cannot mark you. You contain multiverses, and he can’t limit you.
Try not to hang onto the mist after you no longer need it though, it does a lot of damage.
Surround yourself with happy family. Do things you can do well, and take pride in them. Do things you enjoy but maybe don’t do well, and recognize your imperfections. Own them and assimilate them into yourself, because they’re what makes you unique, and it’s harder to be ashamed of things you unabashedly claim. Take every good comment and achievement and moment of happiness, and remind yourself of them when you’re feeling low: this person believes in you, and you conquered that obstacle, and maybe this problem isn’t insurmountable.
Self care is hugely important, and so is knowing your limits. If you can’t do a thing without bursting into tears, maybe get some help while you do it. If you absolutely can’t do it? Don’t; it’s perfectly normal under the amount of stress you describe. Take an hour or so every few days and just do something that’s mindless and comforting- I watch old cartoons and take silly online quizzes. Good luck.
If you’re willing to say — is he calling you? Standing outside your house and yelling? What are the encounters he’s forcing or trying to force?
In general, my instinct for self-preservation is to say:
1) Get out of every interaction, or as “out” as possible, as fast as possible.
2) As soon as you are out of the interaction, call someone who already knows the situation and say, “Shitbird Ex is harassing me again and I need you to (document that, listen to me vent, talk about something else with me for a while).”
3) After a little bit of that, document it yourself — like workplace or school harassment, this can be useful to have, not just if you want to invoke authority but also to affirm your own perceptions: this DID happen, he WAS aggressive in these ways on these occasions, I’m NOT unhinged. Keep a notebook, or a file on your computer, or texts to yourself — whatever’s “easiest” (hahaha).
4) When the documentation is done, do something small that gives you pleasure or helps you feel restored. Cup of tea, David Attenborough nature documentary, water the plants, Call of Duty, whatever.
5) If you feel the need to smash something, get a few dishes at Goodwill and break them in the bathtub (just be sure to clean it out carefully before you use it.
If he’s calling, and you want documentation of the verbal abuse over the phone, I’ve heard people recommend forwarding all calls from that number to a burner phone (with the same voicemail message as your normal phone) and having a friend check the voicemails periodically, but I don’t know how that is done — anyone else?
Excellent advice. All of it. I am in awe.
whoah, excellent tips. I’m withdrawing from all verbal contact with him. My sister and brother in law have said they will stand in as point of contact for me if I want. We just have things to decide and discuss (like “yo dude, I saw you packed up a bunch of my books and knick knacks with your stuff, STAHP”) so I’m resorting to email for that. The self care for each episode is super important, I think. I’ve been resorting to inexpensive retail therapy for that. I’m about to go out and do that for my lunch right now, for all the nasty stuff from yesterday. \
I’m not replying to everyone individually because I’m just exhausted, but I hope you all are reading this and knowing how much everyone’s help is meaningful and real… thank you!!!
So if he moved so close to you, that’s really part of the abuse too: it’s stalking. It sounds like you are doing your best to disengage, which is the key. When I was getting a divorce from my abusive spouse I found useful info I had once read from an expert on stalking: if you answer the phone after he calls 80 times that means he knows he needs to call at least 80 more times (or 100 or 120) to get a reaction from you. So basically I didn’t interact with her (I didn’t even give her my forwarding address) and it worked. Whenever I was tempted to answer her directly I just remembered about the 80 times which kept me from any further contact. We saw each other in divorce court and that was it.
What worked for me in an analogous situation: whenever you see him or need to speak to him, visualize a barrier between you and him — a glass wall, a fence with flowers growing on it that you can just barely see him through, whatever works best for you. The idea is: you can see and hear enough to just interact/shut down the interaction effectively, but he is not in your space for you, and you distance yourself emotionally from the situation so it will affect you less and be less upsetting.
I hope soon he will no longer even be near you physically — sending very warm wishes!
I really like this tip – thank you <3
Self-care to exponential degrees right now, Noodge. Hang in there.
I’m sorry you’re going through what you’re going through and I’m wishing you all the good kittens and puppies and rainbows and dragons thoughts!
ETA I second all of the documenting of incidents and being really gentle with yourself. There is no “right” way to get through all this stuff. Many Internet hugs for you.
<3<3<3
I’m so sorry about this. Some people just cannot be adults when it comes to breaking up, and that is such a shame.
But yay, that you can come here to breathe and be safe! (And also yay for a new life without him!)
Hang in there! And I hope it is okay to say, we are very proud of you for getting OUT.
So I didn’t get the gig at the Craft Connection but thatz okay; I consoled myself with making another piece called “pilings” evoking water, sea monsters and underwater log pilings all topped off with a vintage (1900-1905?) photo of a young woman posing awesomely in her swimsuit on a rocky beach.
As for celebrating all the small things this weekend, I’ve decided to hike around our local provincial park with The Dog and appreciate that I have the mobility and understanding to do so.
Sorry you didn’t get the gig. But hooray for you for making more art in response! I want to be more like you.
Aw, thanks for that!
Sent from my iPad
Contemplative question. How hard do you folks work on preserving your anonymity on this and similar sites? Should I care? I feel like if someone were that knew me clicked through my comments they would know who I am, but I can’t decide if that matters. Thoughts?
Timely for me – I recently found out that some real-life people I know read the Toast, and I would be so obvious from my comments. I feel weird about it, but I think I enjoy the conversations/community here too much to censor to the extent that I’d be totally anonymous.
I don’t really say anything here I wouldn’t say to friends in real life, so I don’t think I’d be too embarrassed to be recognized. I’d be interested in what others have to say!
I really should work harder. But I don’t really share anything here I’d be worried about getting out, you know?
Exactly. It feels like it SHOULD matter, but then I can’t think of what I share that I actually wouldn’t want anyone to see.
This site and my (locked, mostly-toastly) twitter are the only accounts that I have with this username.
Anyone who has seen a picture of my cat could tell that this is me, but I’m all right with that. I don’t think I talk about anything here that I wouldn’t with an acquaintance.
Very few people in my family have ever heard of The Toast, nor would be interested in seeking it out, so I’m not worried about that.
I find it hard to post anything remotely personal without making it fairly easy for a determined person to track down my identity, so I’ve mostly given up on that. I do try to make it so people Googling me won’t find this account by not using this username with any accounts connected to my real name or the “grey area” username that I use where some people from real life will see it. I also have an email address I use only for things completely unconnected to my real life.
I think about this too. I don’t share facts here that would be bad if people who know me found out, but I would be super embarrassed nevertheless if people found out and read through my comments. My partner knows my username here, mainly because I’ve shown him some things I wrote. But it has made me more wary of emailing/facebooking Toast articles, and I don’t if I’ve commented in depth. Which is bad, ’cause then if I like something I don’t tell a friend that would probably like it too! I’m probably just being paranoid, and not thinking things through properly though…
Basically, when you figure out the answer, will you tell me?
I’m Clever Manka on every online social medium I use and I figure people who know me well enough in person for me to tell them about my online presence are cool with everything I say online. I keep my pseudonym well separate from my RL name, though, because my employers (and the faculty and students in my department) don’t need to know how much I talk about fandom and gay porn during the workday.
This is basically how I do it. I’ve been Jenavira in online fandom since 1998 or so, and I keep that identity separate from my real-name accounts. Someone who was trying could probably connect us pretty easily, but I want to be basically non-googlable to casual interest.
I have no accounts linked to this one or using this handle, and I occasionally fudge little things- I’m never going to name the schools I’ve attended or the state I currently live in, for example, but my college is surrounded by a flat hellscape of corn and Republicans, so it could be anywhere in Flyover Country.
I guess I feel like I’d be secretly pretty flattered if someone was that interested.
I have pretty much given up on keeping “Absotively” separate from my real life identity at all.
I use different usernames on sites where I want to maintain my anonymity, but I don’t do that much, mostly because it’s hard.
All my pictures of the cats, my tattoos and the ponies are on flickr publicly anyway, and I witter away on facebook too. I do think about what I say anywhere on the internet though. My normal internet name had already gone when I signed up, so I’m actually the shortened version of my real first name and my horse’s name, so anyone who actually knows me would put 2+2 easily.
I’m a bit freer with my opinions on sites like these than I would be on sites like Facebook, but as a rule I never share or say anything that I could not handle having linked back to me. Not because my opinions are so revolutionary or edgy or anything, but just because internet comments aren’t, like, bastions of personal safe-space privacy.
My strategy seems to be in line with what most other people are saying — I don’t use this username elsewhere, but I talk a fair amount about my personal life and it would be extremely easy to figure out who I am if you know me already. I mostly don’t care, but I have been thinking about it a little bit more since I’m seeing Toast links shared more and more frequently on my Facebook — including by my worst college frenemy, who I would very much like never to interact with ever again.
My usual internet alias is now very much linked my to my real identity *as well* as everything I have ever said online since age 11. Thankfully none of my IRL friends/family who know my internet alias have tried to dig too deeply into that. Anyway, I’ve been debating about whether or not to make a totally new internet alias for a long time. And I definitely don’t want to use the old identity here on my work computer. So I picked “celery” for my Toast commenter identity because it was the first noun that popped into my head when I was finally working up the courage for some inaugural comments this week…
I sometimes think about it, because I know every so often I relay a story on The Toast that IRL friends would recognize, and I sometimes share Toast articles to my Facebook feed. I try to only be very personal in Open Thread comments, because if you aren’t a frequent reader of The Toast, are you really going to individually scrutinize 300+ comments?
I think about this a lot at work, because I am paid to (among other things) sift through people’s online activity! So I am fairly decent at hunting people down through the magic of the internet. I do try to be mostly hidden from colleagues, but I use this username in several places and it’s not too hard to chain them together. So I try not to badmouth people I know behind their backs, and I like to think I’d stand behind the more personal stuff I’ve shared.
I never share anything on the internet I’m not prepared for people to see, pretty much.
I’m not over-eager for Toast comments to come up with a search of my real name at this point in my post-grad job search (though, honestly, whatever) and a search of “practical cat” is probably never going to come up with anything related to me. I guess I still compartmentalize — although my twitter handle is my real name and my bio identifies me as practical cat — but I am not actively trying to hide. I’ve worked more in areas where “don’t be an asshole on the internet” takes precedence over “don’t be anything other than 100% professional on the internet” so that informs my perspective.
I’m paranoid about my online presence, so my username is not linked to my real name in any way, BUT I am unimaginative enough that my username is an in-joke that a few of my friends would recognise as mine right away. I also try not to post any identifying information about my life, but if anyone I talk to on a regular basis reads my comments they could tell immediately, and this bothers me a lot. I don’t think any of them read The Toast, but I used to send links to articles I liked to friends, and now I don’t do it, because I don’t want anyone to find me.
I’ve been thinking about this too–as a fledgling adult, I now have at least two dozen online accounts for social media and clothing stores. I never use my real name, which is shared by only a handful of people in the world, but sometimes I use parts of my name and remix them in interesting ways. I have a different username on almost every website and I also have at least six different passwords. I’m able to keep track by writing everything down in a Paint document in a secret code that I made up when I was 11. But it’s still a pain in the butt.
I figure that if there is someone I know in real-life who is on the Toast then I wouldn’t care if they knew it was me. Most of the people I know who I wouldn’t want to share with are the kind of people who wouldn’t be on the Toast anyway (family and co-workers).
I do use a uncommon nickname version of my real name as my username and my login email is not in anyway connected to my full name so my profile (empty as it is) and comments aren’t findable if someone Googles me, which could be a concern for work. The Toast and the Billfold are pretty much the only sites I put details on.
Like another commenter said, I occasionally fudge details. I might replace ‘friend’ with ‘cousin’ or slightly change locations or years. I don’t post any photos, and I don’t use this username anywhere else but the ‘Pin. To be honest, I don’t love that anyone can just click through my responses and read up on me and that’s why I hesitated in getting an account for so long. I’ve been internet stalked before and found in the weirdest places, so I’m uh…paranoid. But, as much as I love this site and want it to be immensely popular, I’m kind of relieved that very few people I know irl are into it. Makes me feel safer.
Yeah, I don’t love that you can’t lock your Intense Debate account so people can’t see an aggreagate of all your comments.
WordPress removed the question for me by automatically using my full (albeit common) name as my commenter handle. And I happen to know that a google search of my name with select keywords will turn up my comments on Toast threads. It’s a little weird, but so blatant that I generally don’t say anything that I’d be embarrassed for, say, my boss to read. (Bearing in mind that my workplace doesn’t monitor or worry about how its employees engage with social media, as some do.)
I’ve gone anonymous for the handful of super personal comments I’ve wanted to share, which is not perfectly untraceable but you’d have to work pretty hard.
Attention, please, this is an important public service announcement:
YOU CAN NOW PLAY CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY ONLINE.
Do what you wish with this information.
Thanks!
Personal finance thread! How are our clams this week, Toasties?
If you are a very frugal person (my husband and I are) how do you relate to non-frugal people? if you are a non-frugal, how do you feel about the frugals in your life? We had a few instances last week of our frugal lifestyle choice bumping up along our friends’ desires; how do you all navigate this, if it is an issue at all?
CLAMS YES. My clams are good. I got surprised by a big utility bill this month, but I pulled a few tricks (turned in change for spending money, turned up the thermostat) and I think I’ll still sneak by on budget this month.
I would love advice on how to navigate the frugal/non-frugal divide. I have been much more strict about spending money on travel since I started watching my budget, and while I think that’s for the best, I also have trouble explaining that to other friends- particularly ones who are much better-off at the moment and travel almost all the time.
I am on a Spending Freeze. Of course, as soon as I decided this month was a Spending Freeze month, I’ve had a constant and continuous obsession with having my hair cut and colored. I almost never cut my hair, and haven’t colored it in years, but now its all I wanttttttttttttttttt.
Haha tell me about it! Whenever I doable down on saving money, I get obsessed with something I think I want/need
My clams are in perfectly acceptable shape. I am going on vacation next week and bracing myself to spend money though. Why is it so hard to spend money that you’ve saved for a specific purpose? I grow fond of the large number in my savings account.
I am kind of saving for a downpayment now? I got preapproved for a mortgage but need to save a downpayment of at least 5%. I am still not 100% that I want to buy in DC but I have decided that I’d like to have the option available if something comes along in my target neighborhood. But sometimes while trying to fall asleep I think “shouldn’t I just plow that money into my student loans?!” I just really want out of the grouphouse life and real estate in DC seems like a pretty good investment since I’m here for the medium-to-long haul.
Frugal with friends: it depends on the specific ask for me. I kind of faded out of this group that used to do expensive brunch and pedicures every weekend bc I just hated spending the money. I had tried to steer us to less pricey options/DIY with no success. But they could technically afford these things (or at least they were not funding them with credit) and liked them so I cut myself loose. With most people it is just a matter of sticking up for myself even if it is kind of awkward- let’s eat in and then meet for a drink, no I don’t want to buy Starbucks but I’ll walk over with you, let’s take the bus. But I’m no dedicated mustachian so ymmv.
What an exciting savings goal! Great to have the cash, even if you never end up buying.
I feel like I am the queen of awkwardly walking to Starbucks with someone, haha.
My clams are pretty good! I have made SO MUCH PROGRESS in the last year. I just recently was looking at my credit card statements from a year ago, and realizing that I was constantly maxed out and spending like $100 a month on interest alone, and now I have some nice little savings accounts, zero credit card debt, have started (modestly) saving for retirement, and have paid off THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS of my student loan in one year. Yeah!
In terms of frugality: I am not at all frugal (hence all my debt problems), but am getting much better at 1) being frugal and 2) respecting other’s frugality. I’m really pushing my group of friends to be more aware of how we can create situations where over-spending is expected, and trying to get us all to do things that are cheaper, or at least can be cheaper if people so chose.
I do have a funny frugal story though: I have a dear friend, who in fact happens to have a family trust fund and is a doctor and everything, but is also super cheap by nature. Her boyfriend was visiting his family across the country, and they did this thing where she would call him on her cell phone and then hang out so he could call her back on his parents’ long distance plan to avoid the like $0.50 a minute or whatever her cell phone would charge.
Well, one day she calls and her bf’s mom picks up, and she just kind of says her name and then hangs up and super hurts and offends bf’s mom. When she told me I was like “seriously? You couldn’t have talked to her for like 5 minutes?” And she was like “THAT WOULD HAVE COST ME $2.50” (and it wouldn’t have cost her, it would have cost her very rich parents $2.50). I kind of read her the riot act and she has gotten significantly less miserly since. Still frugal, but is a bit more likely to spend $2.50 rather than really hurt someone’s feelings.
Nice job sorting everything out for yourself!! That’s fantastic!
I’ve been having a lot of problems with that lately. I used to have a terrible job- the kind where I had to charge bills and things just to keep the lights on. Now that I’ve gotten somewhere a little better, I keep the ‘paycheck to paycheck’ habit. I make enough now to take care of myself, but I buy things just because I can. Then I’m back to my broke self and my cards are maxed.
Any tips for the desperate?
You Need A Budget (that is a suggestion for a specific software program/budgeting philosophy, not an exhortation).
They have a 30 day trial period and a whole lot of online tutorials and classes. I don’t actually use it religiously anymore because I am lazy, but it really helped me get from “desperate” to more or less on track.
Me, specifically, I have had some good luck. I had a few windfalls happen all at once (tax refunds, etc), that helped me go from the red to the black in terms of consumer debt. Three years ago I started being pretty well-paid, so there is a lot more money coming in than I am used to (basically, I’m finally a lawyer after lots of expensive school). I have over-spent for a few years, but when I got serious, it was easier, because the income is good. I really think that’s good to keep in mind because when you are trying to go from “desperate” to on track one baby step at a time, it can feel like a long slog and it’s hard to look at other people who seem more on top of things and compare yourself. So yeah, I’ve had some good luck, combined with hard work and close attention and better habits and self-discipline.
Financially, I find it’s more effective to make big cost-cutting decisions than many little ones. Sure, you should absolutely not buy lattes (I don’t anymore). But if you can have roommates and save $300 in rent a month that way, that is a way more effective decision. I don’t have a car. I live with roommates. I haven’t been on a plane in over a year (I know, wah wah, but I used to charge vacations). I don’t spend money on credit card interest (maybe you can consolidate loans with lower rates?). Those things really add up, the way a latte or two a week doesn’t. I also save money for bigger purchases like vacations now instead of spending on credit cards. These decisions let me spend a bit more on the day-to-day extravagances (like going to the bar), which makes me feel like deprived, which makes me less likely to binge-spend in a more destructive way.
I also had the advice to start a little savings account, even if you’re just saving like $10 a month at the start. I think it’s genius, even if you are also paying off debt at the same time. Somehow having those little nest eggs makes me think twice before over-spending, because I really do enjoy watching them grow. Don’t underestimate the psychological factors in your financial decisions! I’m totally irrational about money, I’m just trying to channel that irrationality more productively.
Wow, writing some of that stuff down really made me think about how I feel about money (irrational).
I have problems with binge-eating too. I have learned that I have to be careful to not be too self-disciplined about food OR money, because there is something in my psyche that revolts eventually and does crazy self-destructive things (like buy $700 dresses NO REGRETS it’s a really nice dress, ok some regrets, what the fuck, I have more than $70 k in student loans, ok MAJOR REGRETS). If I let myself have lots of little splurges, I don’t react the same way, but the slight obsessive part of me often wants to get SUPER DISCIPLINED for a while. It’s learning process.
Money is crazy hard! Maybe I’m just an ENFP and that’s my lot in life.
Oh my god, you’re amazing. Thank you for all of this!!!
I’ve looked at my budget again, and I’m able to work harder on that savings account. I think aiming for a little bit at a time will be a lot easier and manageable. I love that tip about big items savings. That sounds so much more satisfying than cutting out all of the little stuff. I don’t spend a ton on the extras, so cutting out those seems like total deprivation. If I can save on something big and keep my spending habits close, all the better. I don’t notice the extra five dollars in my bank account, but I do notice how much I resent myself for skipping that little treat.
I completely identify with the crazy self destructive thing. That’s usually where I get myself into trouble. I do really well with my budget/diet/exercise plan/whatever for a few weeks, then I have a switch that just blows all of my progress out of the water in a crazy binge. I need to let myself have some leeway or I’ll snap.
Thank you again for your awesome advice and encouragement!!
By the way, I’m sure the dresses are absolutely fabulous and totally, mostly worth it 🙂
Haha the dress IS worth it. If you have to go to 5 weddings in a summer, it better be in a nice dress!
Good luck! And remember to celebrate/congratulate yourself on the little victories.
And our impulsiveness is, I’m sure, correlated with some wonderful qualities.
How the heck do you become a frugal person? I tend to manage my money fairly well (always enough for emergencies, some left over, etc.) but I can’t shake the feeling that I need to be saving EVEN MORE THAN I AM and that I am a DEEPLY FLAWED CHARACTER who CANNOT RESIST A CANDLE SALE. Is the impulse to just walk away – or never have the impulse to buy in the first place – something that can be cultivated?
As a caveat, I have a great deal of privilege and social capital that allows me to live the way I do. I have made frugality/non-consumerism a political choice, if that makes sense. I consciously chose not to buy into marketing and the shared middle class narratives of keeping up with the Jones. When I see some tchotchke I think I need I force myself to examine where that desire comes from, and what it is motivated by – did I see it on someone’s pintrest? Do I have something already that is the same thing? I also try to take stock daily of what I have, and how lucky I am to have it all. My husband is really into Mr Money Mustache, a blog about frugality and saving, and while it is pretty hyperbolic and often lacking in self-awareness, it might give you some food for though.
That is an extraordinarily good way of looking at things, especially since I (also) have enough financial freedom that spending money on mild luxuries isn’t as vital a matter as it is for some (as evidenced by my main indulgence being candles.) I honestly never thought about considering my habits as a consumer as playing into a particular class narrative, but I can see how they absolutely are – my circle of friends all come from circumstances where they have the ability to easily purchase things which allow them to live the narrative of “upwardly mobile 20something” in a way where I can’t. Next time I’m tempted to make a purchase I’ll totally think about if I’m buying for utility or buying because I want to seem like the sort of person who owns a certain item.
I know it might seem obvious to think of things that way, but it really never occurred to me – thanks for the help!
Of course! That deconstruction is totally my jam – let us know how it goes!
Well some way too long days+picking up an 8th shift and possibly a small raise next week has put 15500 in savings by September back on the cards not as a lock but its come into the realm of possibility.
Clams are healthy! I think the best decision I ever made frugality-wise was cutting out cable TV and magazines, not that I don’t still watch TV on Netflix and read online (I do a lot of both) but that it has pretty effectively removed advertisements from my life. So much easier to be happier with what you have when someone isn’t constantly shoving pretty new things in your face.
Clashes with less frugal people are really hard to navigate. I lucked out in that many of my friends who used to habitually spend upwards of $100/person on a casual Friday night out now have small kids and are happy to stay in and watch movies. Otherwise you kind of have to be willing to be the one person asking for a separate check and having a salad.
i would not say i’m “very frugal” but i’m self-employed and survived the recession debt-free, during which i found all kinds of ways to lower overhead, minimize spending, and learned all kinds of tricks that make me feel great about staying in the black. because honestly, i would rather feel annoyed that i can’t overspend than ever have the stress of debt again.
i do have spendy friends, but as we’ve gotten older, it’s less of an issue. i think the easiest way for me has been to be upfront about my situation. like, i/we aren’t spending on travel/big dinners/etc right now, because we’re saving/we have some debts to tackle first/we’ve decided to make less & spend less for more free time. once you put it out there, it’s only really insensitive types who push you about it.
the main thing to keep your spirits up is to realize that life is just as good when it’s simple and fun. we have done a lot of home hangouts with friends in similar boats, and we feel great about making each other some snacks or putting together a meal and sitting around each other’s houses with still the best company around.
How about another non-cat pet thread? Can you tell I’m wearing my toast t-shirt in this pic?
Awesome horse, excellent shirt and whoa what great arms you have!
This is scruffy Jack waking up from a nap.
So cute!
Yay non-cat pets!
Here’s Rufus the Killa Chilla:
Ugh you guys summer is almost over nooo i need to get more things done noooo halp meeee
It just broke 100 for the first time here in Austin. Summer is just starting… Ugh
Summer includes September, so you can relax a bit.
(This is how I am getting through August without panicking.)
I’m at once excited for fall + all things apple cider flavored, but also dreading the return of short days. Daylights Savings, don’t leave meeee
This article was posted on a FB friend’s page and now I need more suitably misandrist things to counterbalance it.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/openminded-man-w…
and http://www.theonion.com/articles/dates-flaws-comi…
maybe?
Thank you! I generally like the Onion, so I was really disappointed to find an article about the supposed “Friendzone.”
I am six days past my due date, but tests show that my fetus is fine, so I am hoping that if nothing else, he’ll be lured out by the full moon on Sunday. And then my troubles will begin!
If nothing else, the willingness of this fetus to stay in forever has meant that I get to keep accompanying my husband and bad dog to bad dog class. All the bad dogs slink around in their muzzles, and the owners are (for parts of the class) banished to another room while other handlers handle the bad dogs. It is very cute and sad, because in class it becomes clear that my dog is a quivering sack of jello, and only tries to eat house guests out of terror. But then an hour or so ago, he tried (unsuccessfully, due to muzzle) to eat another houseguest, and I’m still feeling wrung out from the stress of it. It’s nice to have people come and try to get the bad blog socialized, but I wish they would also listen when I say, “My trainer recommends we have guests do X, Y and Z only right now.”
Maybe the stress will scare the baby out, like curing hiccups!
Oh man, having a reactive dog is so stressful, I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with that on top of being pregnant. I totally sympathize about the guests thing. You would think it wouldn’t be hard to follow a set of simple instructions, but it’s like when people see dogs all their higher reasoning goes out of their heads.
Aw, poor scared buddy. That is so stressful for you though. I hope it gets better.
Also, imminent babby! Maybe we’ll have pics next week? 🙂
Good luck on coaxing that kiddo outta there, and good luck on the Bad Dog. I can commiserate on the problems with getting socialization helpers – even for puppies, it’s like, “Ahh, don’t come over here and then encourage him to jump all over you! Not the point of this exercise!”
Because you were giving me good Bad Dog advice the other day – we saw a trainer and things are looking very positive for my Wants To Be Good dog. He’s got a very strong prey drive that makes him overly intense in some situations, but he flees, not a fights, when someone is in his space, which bodes very well for toddlers.
That is good news! The fear/anxiety in my little dude is tough to see, but it’s useful to know what’s driving the behavior and what we can do to work on it.
Toast! I just got back from a lovely, 10-day vacay in Canada and I have to say, those Canadians really know how to do things right. Within 10 minutes of crossing the border, we heard two Tegan and Sara songs on the radio and everywhere you go there are doughnut shops.
We quite like it here. 🙂
I love it there.
all vacations in canada are lovely
Concurred.
Maple donuts and tea were a highlight of my vacation to New Brunswick last summer.
Tim Horton’s and fried fish (not in the same meal together) were my highlights.
Yay Canada! Where did you go?
Vancouver BC, and then a few days at a cottage on Vancouver Island. Could not have been better.
I’m leaving for the beach in three hours on a surprise vacation! Where should I go to get a bathing suit before I leave? I went to Target last night and they had like two sad bathing suits!
Less cheap than Target, but I have to say, Victoria’s Secret really knows how to make a lot of boobs look really great.
Swimco? I bought my current lap-swimming-suit there. It was a little pricy but I like it, and the selection of less athletic suits looked pretty good. But I think Swimco’s Canadian, so if you aren’t in Canada then that’s not an option.
I once bought a shockingly cute last-minute panic bathing suit at a Marshall’s/TJ Maxx right around this time of year!
I … did not strike a blow for the women of the world this morning, Toast friends. I don’t want to get super into what happened (except to say that no one’s life or health are in danger and the damage done is mainly resolvable with some annoyance and help) but would like to hear about people’s Learning Experiences (TM): specifically, how you take a situation in which you allowed yourself to be flustered away from doing the right thing and prepare yourself to NOT be flustered, and keep the right thing in sight, next time. Or times when you’ve done that would also be good to hear about!
I write responses I would have liked to have made instead. Then I rewrite and rewrite, making it more and more succint. Eventually all the rewriting, if I do it well, results in memorizing a pithy response useful in many situations. E.g., I am disappointed; I thought better of you.
Of course, Thank You is the best response. It is useful almost every time. Especially with a withering look. Credit Miss Manners.
When that has happened (a lot!) I try to reflect and think of just one sentence that I would have liked to have said. Maybe it’s “please don’t speak to me that way” or maybe it’s just “don’t touch me” or “I don’t understand” or even “I’m sorry, I need a moment to gather my thoughts” but then I practice it. That way I feel like if it happens again, I have at least one thing I might be able to spit out in the moment.
Both your and RoseCamelia’s ideas are great, thank you — especially the idea of writing and rewriting it (now that I have time) and the point that I could actually use a delaying tactic — I don’t need to have a response to the thing itself instantly, I have the ability to slow the interaction down. THANK YOU.
“Yes, I’ll think about that. How’s your project coming along?” That last bit is meant to change the subject. Beginning with “yes” is always disarming and a promise of thought does not commit you to any action.
One of the best ways to prepare for something is practice. I’m not saying you should put yourself in positions to be harassed or abused, but when you’re feeling emotionally capable, play out those interactions in your head over and over and over. If you have someone you trust (and I mean really REALLY trust), have them role-play with you. You’d be amazed how much this helps.
My beloved and I could be considered paranoid freaks about home security because we both, separately and from a young age, imagined (vividly and repeatedly) how we would react to someone breaking into our home. But when someone actually did (try to) break into our home, we both responded instinctively and effectively, despite being woken up out of a dead sleep. It was gratifying to know that yeah, in an emergency situation, neither of us panicked or blanked on what to do.
Of course, you have to be careful not to play-act this stuff in your head to the point that it wears you down psychologically. It’s a tricky balance. Good luck.
Yes, I think the combination of mental practice and delaying tactics will serve me well here (it was not a situation of physical threat). Thank you! I’m very impressed with the way you trained yourselves into an effective response and glad you were able to safely protect your space and yourselves.
And also! Replaying imaginary conversations with people where you come off sounding like an eloquent badass gives you a nice morale boost. =D
I am the sort of person whose intelligence and experience doesn’t come across in diiscussion. Which means I can easily be flustered into verbally backtracking.
The one time I’m especially ashamed of I didn’t even try. I was 19, working in retail, and a racist old man came in to tell me that people of different races shouldn’t breed. And all I did was nod with a terrified smile on. I should have said something.
I get that feeling for sure, but none of us have time machines, you know? My recasting of this into “what should I do next time” is partly for my own brain, to avoid the “DID WRONG THING AM HORRIBLE” spin cycle.
Also, retail is a particularly hard arena for speaking up, because such jobs drill you into a very particular and narrow kind of compliance.
I practice by enforcing small boundaries or expressing slight discomfort. When the stakes are relatively low, it’s much easier to be bold and forthright. After learning it’s ok to be flustered in small situations, and that the world won’t end, it’s much easier to stand up in serious situations and say, “hey, no, not ok.”
Video Games:
Did anyone else play the Destiny Beta? I enjoyed it but I wasn’t 100% “I need to get this game day one” until the moon mission which was so gorgeous and intriguing that I wished it was longer. I was playing as a hunter. I’ve heard a lot of complaints about the thin plot but I feel like it’s going to be fleshed out quite a bit if they went through all the trouble of hiring Lance Reddick and Gina Torres (I think) to do voices.
I got a Wii U and I’m really impressed. I know it’s sort of the bastard stepchild of the consoles but I love the interface and the gamepad, and am really enjoying Super Mario 3D World and replaying Wind Waker.
I am also on Mass Effect 2 in my current playthrough and for some reason the light green pupils I had in ME1 show up as black most of the time in ME2. Pretty sure it’s just a lighting issue because every once in a while they look normal.
What’s everyone else playing?
Waiting for a friend of mine to get a new Minecraft server up, gonna be playing some Agrarian Skies skyblock bidness. Other than that, not much. LOVE ME2, though, and the series in general. Totally psyched for the new ME game to come out, even if Casey Hudson did just leave Bioware…
Errr, irises. Not pupils.
Finally started playing Divinity: Original Sin. It’s giving me nostalgia for a time and type of game that I never even experienced. It is fulfilling all my RPG needs though.
I love that game! I particularly love the fact that, while the turn-based mechanics are all really deep and sophisticated and such, the story absolutely does not take itself seriously at all. What starting classes did you make your main characters as? (Or are you doing co-op?) Also, some quick tips if you haven’t already heard them or figured them out on your own:
– Get the Pet Pal perk and use it to talk to every single animal character. It’s really useful, and usually hilarious.
– Toxic Ooze is not only poisonous, but it explodes like crazy when exposed to fire.
– Crafting is only somewhat useful, but it’s really fun. I made a pizza.
Oh yes, it’s actually hilarious. I can feel the developers saying “Listen, we’re going to have you fight orcs and skeletons, but we’re also going to have you set up two cats on a date.”
I read enough about the game to pick up some tips even before I played. I picked out a tough lady cleric (figured I’d need a healer at the beginning) and paired her with a ranger with Pet Pal (seemed thematically appropriate). Now that I understand the mechanics a little bit better I might reroll at some point.
Mild spoiler, but I found a very confused, lost 21st century jogger in a dungeon at one point. And I accidentally equipped a bucket as a helmet. It’s the silliest game.
Your start sounds better than mine! I went with a Lady Knight and a Dude Enchanter, only to find out later that the two primary NPC companions you get are a Knight and an Enchanter. D’oh. It’s fairly easy to respec as you go, though. My Enchanter has now become a Witch Ranger, essentially.
I am playing Resident Evil 2! Although I played the hell out of the first Resident Evil back when it came out, I had somehow gotten the impression that the second was too scary for me. It’s not — it’s actually one of the best sequels I’ve ever played, an improvement on the first in almost every sense while retaining the same spirit and feel. I’ve played both ClaireA/LeonB and LeonA/ClaireB now, and I am just enthralled by the differences between the paths, both in terms of storyline and the actual logistics of getting the characters to where they need to be. I can’t believe it’s a sixteen year old PS1 game. It’s so ahead of its time.
Super Mario Galaxy. I didn’t have a Wii, but now I have a Wii U, so I’m kind of catching up on Wii games.
I actually just finished getting all 120 stars, and now it has unlocked the option to replay the whole thing as Luigi, so I’m trying to decide if I want to.
Just finished playing The Last of Us, which was very excellent, as reputed. I’ve been poking along with The Banner Saga for a while. I don’t know much about Destiny other than that Sony seems to be pushing it hard, but there’s not much else in the PS4 pipeline that looks appealing to me, so I’ll certainly be following the release with interest.
I just stared playing Skyrim. I’m…having some trouble getting into it? It seems fun enough but I’m not quite hooked in the same way I’ve been with other games. Of course that might be because I just got done playing BioShock Infinite, which was good beyond anything I could have imagined.
So here’s my personal, unsolicited Skyrim advice. The main quest in Skyrim is more than a little boring. If that’s mostly what’s bothering you, I recommend following it far enough that you can Shout, and then going off and doing whatever the hell you want. Join one of the guilds. Wander the countryside, staying at inns and camps at night, and fast travel as little as possible. Pick up a companion, make a little story for yourself, get married and adopt kids if the mood strikes you, and don’t do quests you don’t want to do. I bounced off Skyrim hard until I started roleplaying the shit out of it, and made my own stories. Also, if you’re on a PC, mod the game!!
MASS. EFFECT. mass effect. I will talk about mass effect ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I am on my fourth playthrough. I own thirty games I have not played and I just keep replaying mass effect.
The irises thing is totally something that happens across platforms. Often the production team made changes to the lighting at the last minute so what you’re seeing is legit. In ME3 I commonly choose the purple eyes because BIOTICS WITH PURPLE EYES, RIGHT, IT’S DESTINY, but then they appear black in every shot. But to give another example, Steve Cortez (in ME3) originally was lighter skinned and they darkened the tone near the end of production, but they did not change the lighting to match. I’m certain that happened throughout the games.
To combine two of your points: I have played ME3 on PC and on the Wii U and I cannot recommend it for the Wii U. The targeting is imprecise and it becomes more difficult than it needs to be. The backstory comic it comes with is really cool but it’s otherwise not worth it, IN CASE you were remotely considering that option.
[ahem] I also recently purchased Mario Kart 8 though and it’s so fun and great. I am scared to look at my Wii U stats to discover how much I have played it this week; horrors. I also just started Mirror’s Edge because I heard EA is putting out a sequel and it is so cool, but I had to pack away my PC for a cross-country move and I have not been able to play it in recent weeks.
Gonna hijack this thread WITH APOLOGIES: how do people like their PS4s? I think I want one but I’m not sure how much, since probably I am buying it only to play Dragon Age: Inquisition on it and that seems like a very expensive way to play one game.
MASS EFFECT. I am near the end of my first playthrough of ME3–I’m on Earth–and I just had to put it down for awhile. Too many feelings. So much loss.
I’ve played the first two MEs three times each, and it took me awhile to warm up to ME2, but I’ve missed it often during ME3. I think I’m just a slow adopter. Because I’ve heard everywhere that ME is the best, possibly of everything. I think when I finally get up the nerve to finish the game, I’ll load up on DLC before I do my next two playthroughs.
1st playthrough: a tough but caring no-nonsense Vanguard FemShep who looks like a girl I didn’t even realize I had a crush on until I made her, and who makes all the choices I would like to make
2nd- helplessly straight paragon Infiltrator BroShep whose rigidly Paragon choices hilariously make him a roving mansplainer and halper
3rd-the renegadiest red-eyed pure biotic FemShep
Too many feelings!!! It took me a month longer than it should have to finish the franchise just because I didn’t want it to end. I understand. It’s so much.
Yes, I did pretty much same — middle-road crush shep, paragon (only I just cannot do broshep, I can’t, I have tried and I have failed), and now renegade. I did soldier, vanguard, then adept, and I’m excited to try infiltrator next – I hear she has amazing armour to the point where cover is kind of not required.
I’ve been thinking of this all weekend! (Not to the point of picking up and finishing ME3, but allllmost to the point of starting a new ME3 game with one of my other characters). I’m fascinated that we have similar character development patterns. I wonder how common that is? I find Mass Effect infographics like this one fascinating because they reflect such a different style of gaming than I do.
I feel you about BroShep. The voice acting isn’t very good, and I think I would find a Renegade BroShep insufferable. What pleasure would there be in watching BroShep punch out Khalisah, for example? That would be horrible. But Paragon BroShep is, to me, hilarious. Once when I had a friend over, I walked BroShep around Illium to show my friend what the game looked like. I started calling him BroShep them without realizing that it was Internet Standard, because dude was just butting into conversations left and right. “Can I help?” “Is there anything I can do to help?” By choosing all Paragon options, he makes one asari lady cry, convinces another asari to give her krogan ex-boyfriend a chaaaaance, and tries to help an indentured lady quarian by buying her himself. He was like a Nice Guy ™ parody and it made us dissolve into fits of giggles!
Paragon BroShep romanced Miranda, btw, because of course he did. Not because she’s genetically perfect, why would you think that; she has a really great personality, too, really. Nothing against Tali or Jack, he’s just not attracted to aliens or bald girls. Look, you can’t help who you’re attracted to, okay? LOL BroShep.
Atlanta ladies! We are having a wee Toast-up this Sunday at The Book House on Ponce at 6pm! If you have any questions, feel free to hit me up – lengli [at] gmail etc etc. Hope to see you there!
Oh noooooooooooo I have obligations I cannot move or get out of on Sunday night. Noooo! And finally an Atlanta Toast-up 🙁
*falls to knees, shakes angry fists at sky*
We will have more! Are you on Facebook? I started a group for us to chat: https://www.facebook.com/groups/541900392588773/
oh, also, bay area toasties, hardly strictly has started to release the lineup and i’m going to pee myself with excitement. few things sound better to me than seeing yo la tengo on a beautiful october day in golden gate park.
Right? I don’t understand outside lands. Expensive and foggy. Hardly strictly is free and sunny!!!
I like Treasure Island too, mostly because you get to see ALL the bands and don’t have to make awful choices plus it isn’t too crowded.
Still without a home, and the isolation and lack of help I’ve been able to get are leading to bad things. Like, I’m clenching my jaw so hard at night that I’ve damaged four teeth. A little stressful here, and I’m kind of mad at California about it. Maybe you could recommend a better place to live?
I live in California! It’s a big state and I probably can’t be much help but maybe it feels better to know that someone here is thinking of you and wishing you the best?
Any decent dentist can make you a mouth guard. Expensive, yes, but not as expensive as repairing teeth. This I know from long, hard experience. Get a mouth guard, stat!
And if a dentist mouth guard is too expensive right now, try a sports mouth guard as an interim measure. (They’re $5ish) You need to shave off a lot of the plastic (with scissors, or a craft knife) so you can close your mouth, but it does work.
I could probably recommend lots better places to live but can’t really recommend a better place to be broke and need help, since as a nation we take very bad care of each other.
Guys there is actually some news from me in the pipeline but I can’t really say anything yet but it’s good and I just wanted to say you guys are the greatest.
Also a guy tried to pick me up while I was sitting on a park bench reading The Handmaid’s Tale and I smacked my gum at him and kept reading and it felt amazing.
It’s that you bought a boat, isn’t it?
It is. With all your love and support I am finally taking to the sea.
What will be your pirate name?
I’m not sure you can improve on the piratical nature of Jaya Saxena.
I have been giggling about “Ofbro” for a while now.
LOL tryin to pick up a lady who’s reading HANDMAID’S TALE like come on, bro, rookie mistake.
A fellow Toast fan and I were at the gym yesterday, and came up with the idea of FEEL THE BURN Toast workout tanks. If these were reality, I would buy 5. Just a random thought/suggestion.
I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE
YEP.
I would wear it until it became stiff with my sweat.
That’s not too weird to say, right?
I’d start going to the gym just to wear one of these
o m g
pls take my money, i don’t need rent $$$ or anything geez
Yesssssss
I went to the Doctor because my trembling hands have been annoying me, and it was the same on-call-Doctor that saw me a few months ago about depression. Then, she had wanted to start me on anti-depressants right away, but I wanted to try therapy first. So I did, and started taking St Johns’ Wort, and things actually improved quite a bit. My anxiety is still troubling me though. So the Doctor was basically like, “Are you ready to try something that will work now?” haha
But I took the first pill yesterday and felt odd all morning– I figured it was just my anxiety– but then got nauseous and went home from work in the afternoon. I took a personal day today to give myself time to adjust, but had weird little headaches and tossed and turned all night. I’ll see how I feel this afternoon and might call the advise nurse.
I really want this to work, I’ve put it off for a long time, so I’m being patient, but I don’t want to exchange my shaky nerves with headaches and trouble sleeping 🙁
I was on fluoxetine (Prozac) for a couple years. It caused hand tremors, a known side-effect. They disappeared when I stopped taking that drug. Just something to keep in mind in case it is prescribed for you.
ETA: I was on a high dose. Tremors might not result at lower doses.
When I first went on a low-dose anti-depressant, I had zero appetite for anything except Mexican food for a whole week. Strange days. They say it takes a week or two for it to settle in your system, and if it doesn’t get better after a month or so then to try a different one from the multitudes available.
Uh, god, a week. As long as I’m sitting still it seems to be fine, I guess.
Also I just ate a small plate of roast beef.
I had nausea too. Mine lasted about two weeks when I first started, and if I forgot to take my pills for a few days (I’m horribly irresponsible) the nausea would come back for a day. I’ve been on and off a few times over the last decade, and they’ve all mostly done that.
I wanted to avoid taking medication again, so I started to go to counseling as an alternative. Unfortunately, I still ended up back on medication after an unsuccessful year. I’m trying not to feel defeated about that.
But it did eventually even out! If it’s longer than two weeks before you start feeling better, change it up. Not all anti-depressants are forever. Just think of this as a step to better things.
Good luck!
I had mild nausea and couldn’t sleep well at all when I started on the generic of Celexa this year. It’s apparently normal, and the symptoms gradually subsided for me, but if it’s really bothering you or keeps going on it’s worth talking to your doctor again. These things can be adjusted, and it’s not like the medication is doing any good if it’s just driving you crazy with sickness and fatigue?
I’m on Citalopram and I felt sick and dizzy for the first week and a half, but it levelled out after I adjusted.
If the side effects are intolerable, stopping/switching is great, if they’re obnoxious but tolerable, they’ll probably go away. (I had both things and, honestly, the line between tolerable/intolerable is sooooo unclear.) Brain chemistry and brain medicine is weird.
With the patience thing, this is especially hard here because brains are weird and internal and slow. I was actually really feeling awful right before I started what I’m on now and started marathoning Lost that day with the promise that I wouldn’t obsess over not seeing improvements until I had finished it. It gave me a really specific reference point so that I could measure a dramatic jump rather than trying to figure out day by day if I felt better. The bottle of pills itself might provide the same thing but I measure my life in TV.
I’m sure your doctor mentioned it but I was very explicitly told not to take St John’s Wart with an SSRI (if that’s what you’re taking) even though I wasn’t taking it in the first place.
Good luck, feel better, know that you can speak up against the doctor, and try not to google about it!
I hardly believe this myself, but I just got an urge to play my guitar for the first time in never-you-mind. And what came out?
I don’t wanna come back down from this cloud
lolol how do I even know this song
I’ve been keeping this on the DL in real life, but I’ve been itching to share it with people so this seemed like a good place? I got a new job that’s actually in my field, and I am so excited about it! It’s only for a year (til I graduate) but it’s gonna be pretty sweet getting paid to plan events after a million unpaid internships.
Event planning guidance (you probably already know this): Who and How Many are the paramount questions. All details refer to them. Get those right before doing anything else. Next is Budget. Good luck.
I saw LUCY! It’s fun and…blue? Oh, well, I’d settle for a Mallory rewrite. But I did like the Lucy-Lucy scene: it was like a silent statement of “Look how far we’ve come.”
And the ticket lady wouldn’t believe that I’m not under 16! Which is not the first time, and I’m usually taller than these non-believers.
Let’s just take a moment to praise the supreme elixir that is coffee. All hail coffee. I love you and cherish you. What are you brewing at home? How do you make it? Or what is your favorite coffee you’ve ever had out in the wild? I’m using the ENORMOUS TUB of Trader Joe’s wake-up blend and I have a dinky personal pourover I got from a Japanese dollar store that says A PLACE TO UNWIND on it.
Tea drinkers, I love y’all and I love tea, too, but stay outta this thread. This is for coffee. All is coffee and nothing hurts.
I’m bigamous – but FOLGERS!
COFFEE. French press, whipping cream, every day. In my dream life someone would be on hand to fetch me americanos (iced or otherwise) every morning but this has yet to materialize.
Americanos! I just recently decided to start ordering iced americanos when I patronize a coffee shop, because most of them in my neighborhood have started doing cold brew iced coffee and it doesn’t taste skunky or strong enough to me. But iced americanos are the answer! SO GOOD
Yes. Iced americano is The Best Coffee.
Affirmative, it’s the best way to drink decaf also.
ALL HAIL THE COFFEE
We have a stovetop coffee maker (I think they’re also called mocha pots?). I have my coffee with honey and milk, honey tastes like a million times better than sugar btw.
I miss getting coffee at a cafe from my hometown though. NZ does coffee better than pretty much everywhere else, IMHO. Apart from very fancy cafes in very big cities.
You should try maple syrup sometime!
Oooh, that sounds lovely
Oh yes, that is my favourite, honey stirred in and then some truly heavy cream floated on top so the cream warms.
But I also like the Vietnamese coffee, very strong over condensed milk and then a little hot water added after.
IntelligentsiA, preferably East African, usually in a French Press. Life’s true joy.
I am a big hippie so I drink coffee picked by a women’s collective in Rwanda, then roasted by a little old couple who live on a tiny hippie-filled island where my family has gotten our coffee for over a decade. I win all the “my coffee is ridiculous” contests.
Aha I was going to make this comment too. I’m totally the asshole that only drinks pretentious locally-roasted coffee.
That’s me too, well when I’m not travelling.
Actually though, my partner and I have started visiting fancy pants coffee shops when we’re travelling to big cities. Single origin organic fair trade cold pressed blah blah blah. And $$$. Most are rather yummy though!
Hail to thee, o coffee. May your dark comfort reign over us forever.
I’m actually very partial to Archer Farms’ Donut Shop coffee (Archer Farms is one of Target’s in-house brands). It’s that perfect mix of strength and flavor- not too strong, not too weak.
cold brew! cheap, lasts for weeks, easy to make, easy to clean!
you can use a filtron or a toddy, each priced 30-40.
You can also use your largest, grodiest old stock pot + a tea towel in a mesh strainer for FREE, if you are into the dirtbag method of cold brewing
story: a friend and I returned home from my birthday celebrations last week in a state of rather unusual drunkenness and still somehow hand-ground beans and made coldbrew. Neither of us remember doing it and there were bits of beans all over the floor the next morning, but apparently even very drunk super_novice has cold brew on the brain. Best surprise to wake up to.
I love this story.
Black, flavoured and with sugar at home (I live alone so can never get through a carton of milk, so I started taking it black). I am a total sucker for novelty coffee, so when I discovered dreamybean.co.uk which does flavoured ground coffee I was thrilled. In my fridge at the minute is chocolate hazelnut cappucino, vanilla nut, chocolate cherry, cinnamon stix and caramel cream.
FRENCH PRESS. I think it makes good coffee, but the ritual is really where it’s at. My boyfriend and I are both super into the process of making the coffee in the morning. Boil water, grind beans, stir, time, plunge, ahhhhh. We drink mostly locally roasted coffees, which abound where we live. Medium roast, low acidity, with a solid amount of milk, no sugar. LOVE.
Also, we have this french press, which makes my mornings that much shinier:
I have its cousin (starbucks, yes?) and I love using it. So pretty.
I got ours at a department store – but I think you can get them at Starbucks since Bodum and Starbucks temaed up. LOVE ours! Hope you love yours too!
My ex hates French press coffee, since he feels it’s too “fuzzy.”
There are other reasons we no longer date, but that’s one of them.
I can’t handle coffee because I am a delicate flower BUT my housemate just bought a French press and has been making gorgeous-smelling pots every morning. Waking up to a house that smells of warm oily caramelly roasted coffee is amazing.
French press when I have good coffee. Percolator when I have bad coffee, at least its strong.
I’m normally a tea drinker but this morning I made a wee cup of Blue Bottle Giant Steps in my moka pot, doctored up w/a tiny bit of bourbon smoked sugar and a splash of milk.
“Tell me more about bourbon smoked sugar” she said, chin in hand.
Yes, this
I knew I drank a lot of coffee but I didn’t really notice until the Keurig on our floor died and now I have to climb two flights of stairs to get coffee. I am getting A LOT of exercise. (Also: Keurig’s not ideal but it’s caffiennnne. At home I have Gevalia- the one with the purple cup on the front).
Coffee! For a while there I intended to be a person who buys only the fanciest coffee and measures their beans and water with a scale and blah blah blah. I’ve decided though that TJs and a french press are my regular day-to-day both because I can’t be that finicky in a pre-caffeinated state and because the differences aren’t significant enough to me to justify the expense. I still like schmancy pour-over coffee as a treat sometimes, but having it every day is like insisting on shaved truffles on your eggs every morning.
I tend to save delicately-flavored coffees for afternoon french press brewing for this reason. I really can’t detect nuance first thing in the morning. I need coffee that punches me in the face until I wake up and become aware of sunlight and birds and sentence order.
about 75% of my small appliances relate to coffee. every morning: grind beans. put in espresso maker. put espresso maker on stove. boil water in kettle. think about my milk steamer/frother and try and remember to put almond milk on the list. I make americanos in the cold, and iced americanos in the warm weather (which is loath to arrive)
Lois McMaster Bujold reading thread. GO.
I grinned so hard my cheeks hurt reading Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance.
Wut? Yes! I juuust finished Paladin of Souls this past week, and it was super-duper good! Ista may be one of my favorite characters in a book ever, and like someone else said last week, I want to read like ten more books with her as the protagonist. (ENDING SPOILERS) I really loved the ending, too. She doesn’t settle down and live a happy peaceful life. She follows the army as a Demon Hunter and has sex with her hot boyfriend! That’s the best ending ever!
It’s so great! I love Ista.
The Vorkosigan and Chalion novels are my balm. She is so wonderful at writing women who have taken so much shit but who come to look clear-eyed at the system and say, “Hell no, I’m doing it my way.” Also I heart Miles Ivan Simon and Caz, dudes who are all kinds of damaged but still great.
(Clark Gregg as Simon. I’m just sayin’)
YES I adore Caz simply because he spends the whole book being like, I’m kind of effed up for life and maybe that means I’ll be alone forever and I’m okay with that, I can just go do my hermity thing, but NO he still finds LOVE and REDEMPTION and it gives me feelings!
Caz! He is kind of effed up, having survived horrible things, but the very best thing about him is that he doesn’t let that stop him from caring about people and justice and doing the right thing.
(my feelings salute yours, they are excellent feelings)
And Gregor! Definitely damaged, definitely great.
(AND ARAL.)
I just finished The Hallowed Hunt! Yay, people Getting Shit Done; always satisfying. And I love the gods in that fictional universe.
Competence porn, YES! And what a lovely pantheon indeed.
Competence porn is just the word for it, yes, I loved that book.
I AM DAYS LATE TO THIS BUT JUST FINISHED CORDELIA’S HONOR it was so good. <3 Cordelia <3
I’m getting my free internet IUD installed in an hour and a half! I’m scared! But also looking forward to using this as an excuse to do nothing all weekend.
Procure ice cream, then do nothing.
I got one about two years ago and it was really nbd! Good luck! Watch tv and make someone bring you frequent refills of the beverage of your choice!
Have they told you to take Ibuprofen or a similar painkiller before the procedure? Do iiiiiit. I was very achey after my insertion. It make hurt to varying degrees, but it’s totally worth it and you’ll feel like a mild badass afterwords. A crampy badass.
Yes, same! I cramped like a mofo initially but it was such, such a good idea.
I collapsed (vasovagal syncope) about half an hour after the insertion, which is a common response, apparently. Luckily, it happened in front of the emergency room of the hospital where I got the procedure, so that was handy.
So I guess you should definitely rest if you start feeling faint.
Congrats!! I love love love mine!
Concerts! Let’s talk concerts!
I just saw Jenny Lewis last week, and she was SPECTACULAR. Over the next two months I have tickets to Future Islands, Glass Animals, and Lykke Li. Has anyone seen them? I am so excited.
What shows have you been to recently? What shows are you excited for?
So jealous! I bet Jenny Lewis was amazing.
I have tickets to the Rock*A*Teens this weekend. What else are you listening to right now?
Ooo I bet that show will be great! Lately I’ve been digging on Caroline Polachek’s solo effort Ramona Lisa and Jack White’s latest album. What about you?
i saw rilo kiley maybe 15 times? im sooo looking fwd to her going on tour
At the end of September, I am going to see BOYZ II MEN in Vegas for my honeymoon! I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED.
I’ll make love to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu like you want me tooooooooooooo
YES THIS IS AWESOME!
Oooh Jenny Lewis. That’s some good stuff right there!
I saw One Direction on Monday and Tuesday!! They were excellent! They didn’t use any backing vocals, just pure harmonies that are so so so aurally pleasing.
Ohmygoodness I LOVE One Direction an unreasonable amount. They’re SO CUTE AND TALENTED GAHHHHHHHHH. I would love to see them live, you are so lucky!
I’m seeing them later in their tour and I’m SO EXCITED. I feel like I should be ashamed because of my age but nope. I’ve gone beyond the shame stage of being a grown up One Direction fan. I can’t wait to hear “Happily” live.
Sweet Jesus I just bought tickets to see LP in Portland in September and I. Am. Pumped. I can’t even handle it; I almost started crying just buying the tickets.
Future Islands are great! Avoid the first row, though.
I’m going to see Lorde. None of my friends want to go, but whatever.
I’m going up to DC in a few weeks to see Robyn (be still my heart) with some really good friends who live there. A couple of us have been through rough breakups recently, and it will be great to hear “Dancing On My Own” (among others) live.
I keep think about going to the Katy Perry concert next month. Not because I have any desire to see Katy Perry but because Tegan and Sara are touring with her and it is probably the only way they will ever be in Phoenix. The only thing stopping me (beside the hordes of teenagers that will likely be there) is that it is at the arena in Glendale, probably a 45 minutes drive through rush hour traffic and then I couldn’t drink they way I think I would have to to get through it since I would have to drive home.
But Fleetwood Mac is going to be here in a few months and I can take the light rail to that for free!
Future Islands is going to be in my city in two weeks! I don’t think I’m going though.
I recently saw OK Go, which was fabulous, and in October I’m seeing Andrew McMahon and whatever he’s calling his third band now and Jimmy Eat World. 17 year old me is really really thrilled with 27 year old me October.
I successfully drove myself to and from a music festival last weekend, aided by coaching/tips from friends in passenger seat – no one died! The borrowed car arrived intact! – and had a great time camping, lounging in the sun listening to music, and dancing so hard my knee is still effed up. Spoiler: totally worth it.
I have no desire to own a car, but now at least I feel like I’ve acquired baseline muscle memory for driving. City driving still kind of scares the pants off of me though.
I hate city driving. And I am very, very good at it. Decades of experience in cities like Philadelphia, DC, Manhattan, Dallas, Houston, Boston. Hate it. I curse myself for being a fool every time I am piloting a car in any large, old city. I should have planned ahead and used subways and trains. I try to park at the outskirts, at the terminus of the subway system, for example, and take public transport in. Granted, I travel light. Carrying large loads does require piloting a car through streets designed for horse-drawn carriages.
So don’t get down on yourself. Few drivers are better than me in dense city traffic. And I hate it.
That’s reassuring! I can see where learning to adjust to lots of other cars beside me and their relative speeds is just another brain task, but at the moment every lane change feels like an opportunity for vehicular disaster.
Music Thread! I’ve Watched “High Fidelity” Too Much Edition
2014 is past the halfway mark, what would be on your top 5 list for albums released this year? Or top 5 songs you discovered this year?
1. (unsorted) Real Estate – Atlas, Speedy Ortiz – Real Hair, Mac Demarco – Salad Days, Quilt – Held In Splendor, Sharon Van Etten – Are We There
2. (unsorted) New Pornographers – Brill Bruisers, Antlers – Parade, The Notwist – Kong, Tune Yards – Water Fountain, The Both – Milwaukee
Yes, I am all over this! The past three winters, my boyfriend and I have made a CD of our favorite songs of the year and mailed it to all our college friends that we never see anymore, so I’ve become a lot more deliberate about seeking out new awesome music.
My top 5 songs so far:
Dearly Departed — Shakey Graves
I Wanna Get Better — Bleachers
Riptide — Vance Joy
End of the Line — Hurray for the Riff Raff
Milwaukee — The Both (isn’t it so good???)
Oh, also, I just heard that All About That Bass song that’s suddenly everywhere, and I have had it in my head for about 15 hours straight at this point
When I was in undergrad I worked for our college radio station and used to be on the up-and-up but now I am so woefully behind in music. The only album that’s come out this year that I have listened to is the new RX Bandits jam (Gemini, Her Majesty) and it is Very, Very Good.
you! I like you!
Albums: St. Vincent – St. Vincent (okay, yes, it was 2013, but I listened to it a lot this year!), in the same vein, The World is a Beautiful Place and I am No Longer Afraid to Die – Whenever, if ever, Real Esate yes! and Mac Demarco yes!, and then hmm, Darlings- Kevin Drew. I think I’m still obsessing over 2013.
Songs: Fever – The Black Keys, Good Sex – Kevin Drew, Wait, what? – TWIABPIAMNLATD, White Lies – Max Frost, Reflekt You TOnight – The Hood Internet. Note: I am still not over Reflektor AT ALL.
Guys somehow I am the only person in my usually five-person office today. Super hard to stay focused.
You’re focusing on this thread, right? It’s a good focus.
so focused
I called my mom to finalize trip plans for next week. After the requisite small talk she brought it up and said “well, are you still set on going to LA by yourself?” I said that I was and when she started in with “well I just think it would be fun to do something together” I told her that I didn’t think she’d enjoy herself because none of the writers are from genre’s she likes. I didn’t elaborate beyond that so she probably thinks I am going to some sort of sci-fi thing but I just didn’t want to deal with her lecturing on how if I would just come back to church I would be happier and not feel like I have to read that feminist stuff.
She conceded to my plan, with a lot of long-suffering “you just don’t want to spend time with your mother” and “I don’t see why we can’t be friends and do things together”. She has called my several times this week to tell me how concerned my dad is that I am staying in a bad neighborhood and that they are worried I might get caught in a riot. I don’t think my dad has an opinion beyond not really wanting to be left home with the dogs but my parents have a history of using each other as excuses like that.
It would be nice if my parents recognized that I am an actual adult person who has been able to function in the world for 33 years now and is generally considered pretty successful at it but I will settle for winning the small battle and going to LA by myself for a night.
Hooray! You stuck to your plan. And you refused detail to someone who does not respect your autonomy. No disrespect to your mom; she just needs time to grow into her role as Parent of Adult(s). Keep in mind you cannot change her responses or attitudes. Just hone the responses you give. Easily done since she is so predictable. Also remember silence is one of your options. You’re doing great with raising your parents.
My mother will never recognize that I am an adult human who does things she would never do or approve of (she’s very nose-to-the-grindstone-buckle-down-get-to-work and I am very spontaneous and adventurous) and it helps me to just recognize that her worrying and needling comes from a place of love. It’s irritating, but they’re only on your case because they like you so dang much.
i am in charge of LA next week, and i promise we won’t riot.
oh, the moms who want to also be friends. as if somehow they aren’t also your very own mom the whole time. i admire the scenario here, where your dad is worried about an LA riot, but maybe if your friend-mom were there with you, it wouldn’t be an issue.
it would be nice if they recognized this, i agree. the thing about parents is that they sometimes never do, so i’m glad you stuck to your guns and won a small battle. have fun in LA! what riot-threatened part are you visiting, anyway?
Seriously, would we be any safer with a mom in tow? I was a nervous wreck conducting my naive mother through my nasty Philadelphia neighborhood.
Mother, keep your voice down. Just do as I say, don’t ask me why. Yes, you must keep your diamond ring turned in toward your palm. I will explain later. Now hush. Stay next to me, right next to me. Do not wander off without checking with me. Put your wallet back in your purse. I will tell you when it’s time to get out our money. Zip up your purse right now. I know you always carry it that way at home. This ain’t your home. Zip it up or let me carry it. Yes, that woman stared at you because you spoke to her and she doesn’t know you. We respect privacy here. Try to do as I do or just keep quiet until we’re surrounded by tourists. No, there are no tourists in my neighborhood. That’s why I can afford to live here. Yes, it is dirty here, but my neighbors do not need to hear you say so. Please keep quiet.
Sweet baby deity, was I happy to put her on the plane again after her visit.
that sounds just like traveling with my grandmother, when she was still alive.
“yes, that woman stared at you because you spoke to her and she doesn’t know you.” HA!
I’m going to be downtown. I don’t think my dad is really concerned, he is just aggravating my mom because that’s how he entertains himself in his retirement.
I remember when Gilmore Girls first came on; my mom would insist on watching it with me and my sister and, depending on how the week had been, either say how great it was that we were just like Lorelei and Rory or ask why we couldn’t be like Lorelei and Rory. I always wanted to tell her that she had already set herself up as Emily in our family.
It kinda sucks, I think that I could have been friends with my mom the way she was as a teenager and in her twenties, before she found religion. She was a left-wing, war protesting, pot-growing, feminist hippie back in the day. Now she’s a bible-thumping, abortion (and sex-shop) protesting, evangelical pastor who can’t understand how she raised a pair of atheists. I need to remember when I am aggravated that she can’t see where I am coming from that I am not the daughter she was expecting any more than she is the mother I keep hoping for.
indeed that sounds frustrating. it sounds like you’re doing a good job of keeping the distance that feels healthy given the circumstances.
downtown is great! any amount of big-city common sense will keep you out of trouble. have fun!
I don’t know your mom. I know someone who matches much of the way you describe her. This person did not actually change, even though it appeared so. The early hippy days and the current evangelical days have this in common: She always was conforming to the people around her. She has always patterned her words, deeds, and dress with conformity as her highest goal. Does that explain your mom?
Alternately, I have seen hard turns to conservatism out of fear. Evangelical groups are magnets for fearful folk. Is there a fear that was new when she gravitated to the church?
None of my business, any of this. Just sharing in hopes it might help you.
That sounds really painful, and I am sorry for it. I would be more than just aggravated, I would be blindingly furious, because trying to be ‘friends’ with you while controlling you and judging you and refusing to see the person you actually are is really awful.
You guys! I briefly (too briefly, stupid work) participated in a discussion about Guardians of the Galaxy and our problems with it. It reminded me that I love action movies! I just haven’t really watched any new good ones lately because watching humans battle CGI baddies just don’t do it for me.
So let’s recommend movies!
If you love goody martial arts movie with a female lead who is an unapologetic asshole and a badass, I humbly recommend This Girl Is Bad-Ass! (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2595182/?ref_=nv_sr_2) a Thai movie about a bike messenger who get into trouble with gangsters after stealing some of their drugs. Does she incorporate her bike when she fights? Of course. Does she require any saving from male co-stars? Of course not!
Now the ending does make me roll my eyes a bit, but it fulfills my needs of fun action sequence and goofy characters.
Hit me with some of your picks.
One, your link is a bit broken, just btw. Two, that movie looks awesome. Definitely going on the to-watch list.
Have you seen The Raid ? It is seriously awesome, though there is a distinct lack of women. I could do with some more female-lead action flicks.
That looks good!
And apparently I need to learn how to link on this site.
If you put spaces between the link and punctuation, then it’ll be fine.
Or you can use html. Whichever.
Well you could do what I do… write the comment, submit, then immediately edit (to take advantage of the fact it automatically formats the links) the link into a pretty one.
Or, you could actually learn to do it… one day…
Chocolate. Soooooooooo gooooooooooooood.
Have you seen Thirst*? It’s by the guy who did Oldboy & the Vengeance Trilogy. It’s the best movie I’ve ever seen about a vampire priest. His eventual sidekick (who happens to be a complete psycho & steal the entire movie from him) is one of the most insanely crazy female performances I’ve seen in ages. It does run a little long, but the finale is one for the books.
* http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0762073/?ref_=nv_sr_1
In a phone call yesterday, I pointed out to my friend that his various theories on life are based in privilege even though he is gay. He reached back out today saying he wants to read about white male privilege and how to be mindful of it. So I was hoping the Toasties could hook me up with some of your favorite articles/blogs on the topic! Preferably ones that would be digestible for him. He has been saying lesbians are out to get him and doesn’t understand when I point out how screwed up that is, so I don’t even know if he can be saved… but I wanted to make an attempt since we have been friends for so long.
What are your experiences with getting people to understand their privilege? And why do the gay men in my life disparage lesbians and women so much??? Okay I know the answer to that second question.
The old version of Derailing for Dummies isn’t a bad place to start.
I’ve found that the best way to talk to people about privilege is to open with ways that I, myself, have been called out on my privilege. It happens, you know? Give examples of how you were gracious about it to show that they don’t have to get defensive, either. And if that doesn’t work, they obviously don’t really want to listen. So fuck ’em.
This might not be what you are looking for, but this piece by Saeed Jones is good, “What Will We Do With All This Freedom?”
While aimed at straight white guys, this piece by John Scalzi, ““Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is” is also pretty good and digestible.
Why/how does he think lesbians are gonna get him? My experience is that gay men and lesbians each think the other has it easier, and both have their own issues with trans folk and non-monosexuality. The gaybies in your life probably see more examples of (cis white) gay men than lesbians, but most gay dudes on TV are sex-crazy and fey, more-or-less celibate and fey, married with an adopted baby and fey, closeted and butch, or any of the above and dying horribly. Lesbians are either happily married with kids, pining for their best friends, or making out at college for men; they don’t die as horribly and at least get sex scenes because Male Gaze. So lesbians are angry because they aren’t represented even in LGBT media, and gay men are angry because they get the wrong kind of representation. Oh, and they hate women because vaginas are gross and many gay men are transphobic.
If he’s interested in current events and politics, maybe he could check out colorlines.com for his news sometimes? It’s just news, but with a strong feminist and anti-racist viewpoint. Maybe being a little less personal would be easier to digest?
I have a joke!
Q: How does Emile Zola like to relax?
A: In a j’accuse-i.
I like this joke.
Q: What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs having a seizure?
A: Jocelyn.
This made me laugh out loud, confusing the gamers.
I am going to Paris tomorrow!
Well, leaving tomorrow, arriving early Sunday, whatever.
Also, my broken filling from last week is all fixed now.
Thank you for updating us. I was honestly worried about your traveling with a messed-up tooth. Hope you have a fantastic trip!
Thank you for worrying about me, and also for talking to me about my tooth last week. I very much appreciated it.
If you can swing it, go to Angelina and get a €8 hot chocolate. You’ve gotta time it right, because sometimes the queues go out the door and down the street, but sometimes (like when we went, late afternoon on a weekday) there is no queue. The most expensive hot chocolate of your life, but also the best. THE BEST.
I will add that to my list!
Let us know if it’s any good.
I will!
I am also going to London, but that’s not until Wednesday.
We’re having an absolutely shitty, rainy summer. Sorry about that.
What are you planning to see/buy/eat?
I grew up in a temperate rainforest. Shitty, rainy summer weather suits me just fine.
I’m going to see the Eiffel tower (yes, it is my first time in Paris), and the Arc de Triomphe (mostly because someone recommended the museum inside and the view from the top), and I guess either the Louvre or the Musée d’Orsay or maybe both. And also I’m hoping to find time to just wander around and/or sit in a café and people watch.
No big plans to buy stuff, though my sister has requested that I bring her back a souvenir. So probably I’ll buy an Eiffel-tower-shaped trinket.
For eating, someone recommended a little ice cream place in an earlier open thread where I mentioned my trip, and also those two Paris bakeries from that twenty-five-bakeries-everyone-should-visit article sounded nice, and also the fancy hot chocolate that CaptainNancy recommended above. And at some point I will need to find some food that isn’t 80% sugar, but I haven’t really made plans for that yet.
Well, if you have any questions, or want to meet up to go portal hunting, you can write me at goingtoreykjavik (( at )) gmail ((dot)) com.
Oh, and you’ll definitely find *a lot* of portals here, both friendly and not.
More unique captures, here I come!
Ingress might possibly have been the reason why I got a data roaming thing instead of just deciding I could live without data for three days.
Have a good time! Glad your filling’s fixed.
Yay Paris!
I got tired for waiting for the IT people to move my computer to a new desk at work (the one I had was right under an A/C vent and no amount of woolly layers were able to keep me warm). So about an hour ago I moved my computer by myself, to a new cube I have been given permission to inhabit.
This moving yourself thing is Not Done, though, so I am waiting to see if there’s any fallout.
However, I’m feeling gloriously self-sufficient and righteous which should carry me though any problems. Are any of you guys feeling gloriously self-sufficient and/or righteous this week?
Yes, speaking of electronics I just successfully navigated the sign up for a new ISP plus purchase of modem and router. These kinds of decisions always send me down a rabbit hole of endless research and debate but this time it only took me two days to make a decision on all three. I still had to pay for/wait for somebody to come out to connect me but I am READY.
I am leaving next Monday for TWO WEEKS of vacation (which is financially probably really stupid because it will eat into my FMLA [seriously should just be shortened to FML] time for impending baby birth at end of the year) and it couldn’t come at a better time because I am so *stabby* at work lately and want everyone to sink into the earth.
I did not anticipate how stressful this work week would be trying to catch everyone up to speed on all that I do so that it will all be done in my absence. I am exhausted.
Weekend plans include: finishing a quilt to take as a gift to the new mama and baby I am visiting, laundry, packing, eating frozen custard, knitting more baby gifts, bonfire at a friends. Thank you, Toast, for helping me survive this week!
What are your favourite games/activities to do with a tiny group of ladies??
I’m maid of honour for my high school best friend, and we’re having a very small bachelorette party (it was supposed to be larger but we’re going out of town so 85% of the people invited aren’t going) next weekend, and I need some stuff for us to do together in the evening, after dinner (we’re going to a spa with various baths during the day!).
Like, drinking wine is insufficient activity?
Then, Card Against Humanity! Or Apples to Apples would work too.
Or maybe if the crowd is more inclined this way, some kind of craft type thing?
Ooh, I actually own Cards Against Humanity and hadn’t thought to use that.
All of your suggestions are super in line with my vague ideas of what to do, which makes me feel a lot better. Thaaanks!
i was going to say spa, but since you’re doing a multi-bath spa …. wine! and tapas or small plates. if it’s still summer, or warm where you are, somewhere in a nice outdoor patio setting, not too loud, where you can enjoy the wind-down of your day.
you guys, I want some money related advice. I am a non US citizen who lives and works in the US. Are any of you in a similar position and who bank with baller banks (I like the local bank for chequing, but want something better for savings and maybe setting up a Roth IRA)?
Once again I am home with both kids, but this time it is because school starts next week! On Monday my son (who will be 2 in November) is starting 3 days a week at a Montessori near our house with a really good vibe — fingers crossed that they do not turn out to secretly be gross pseudo-conservative shame-based teachers like the place we tried for the summer (which we pulled the kids out of early because ugh). And then after we drop him off, I take my daughter uniform shopping, because Wednesday she starts transitional kindergarten!
It is hard to believe that next Friday at 9am both my kids will be in school (at least until 12.45, my daughter gets out early the first week) and I will have time to open thread again!
We had AMAZING SERENDIPITY last week — our partner left work early due to a power outage so we went to informally visit the school & let my daughter play on the playground to hopefully relieve her huge kindergarten-starting anxiety — and her teacher was there getting the classroom ready!! He came out to introduce himself, let her run around the classroom looking at everything, asked her a bunch of great questions, and was generally awesome. So while we are still freaked out about her starting in the public schools and I feel like 500% better about the situation having met her teacher & seeing that she warmed up to him immediately — she doesn’t do this very often, but when she does it usually sticks.
Many Montessori schools in the experience of friends and family and *every one* was fantastic. Your kids will love school.
Our daughter has been in a Montessori school since Pre-K (she’ll be a junior in high school this fall), and it has been super great!
Did anything pleasant happen to you today?
I rode my bike to work, which I do almost every day, but is always pleasant! Today I listened to Daft Punk while I did it, so it was particularly groovy.
Actually, yeah. I got to see an adult cardinal feeding fallen grapes to a teen cardinal while the teen cardinal made desperate peeping noises, as though it were still a baby who couldn’t feed itself.
That is a great story.
My sister surprised me with a visit! She was at my apartment when I came home for lunch, and that was great!
Did you? 😀
That’s so sweet! It sounds dull to describe, but I had a really good meeting at work. Thanks for asking. Enjoy time with your sister!
Someone gave me a (free!) planner for academic year 2014-2014. And my hair looks pretty great, too. How about you?
A good hair day! Congrats! Hope your calendar-filling is going well. I love looking at all the holidays in advance. Does it have maps or facts in the back?
Alas, no. Nothing very cool about it but HEY! FREE PLANNER! =D
A free planner is nothing to snuff at. Happy start to the academic year to you!
I woke up an hour early, and decided I was unsleepy enough to not go back to bed, and I really enjoyed the extra hour.
The weather today is almost like early spring, so my windows are open and I’m lying on the couch relaxing with the cats and listening to a history podcast.
I got free fries at lunch! (Burger-guy was all, “You didn’t order fries but everyone should have fries on Friday). And then my student workers and I shopped for cat-themed-dresses on modcloth and traded lipstick recommendations (I need to find some NYX macaroon collection lippies asap)
What?! You won the fry-lottery! And Modcloth has some pretty impressive cat dresses. (Taylor Swift is good inspiration in this arena.)
I bought a bouquet of my favorite flowers (marigolds)!
My partner decided that we should have my birthday dinner (45, gulp) today instead of waiting until the actual day on Tuesday (when the children will have returned from their Other Parents). And she got me tickets to see Tanztheater Wuppertal perform Vollmond in November. I really, really wanted to go, but the tickets are a tad pricey, so I am totally stoked!
And a new bodum. Because I lost a part in the last one. <sigh> This is becoming an annual occurrence (last year I broke the glass…).
Toasties! Our beloved Nicole and Mallory are quoted in this article about MALE TEARS: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/08/08/i…
Toasties! After two days of misery, I went to the ER Wednesday night for abdominal/stomach pain. They kept me for two days and yoinked out my gallbladder, but right up until this noon, they were planning on keeping me over the weekend to see if I needed another procedure — or which they’d either have to call in a vacationing specialist or ferry me by ambulance to another local hospital, in either case probably waiting ’til Monday.
BUT. Of my 4 doctors, one prevailed. Not coincidentally, I suspect, the one female doctor realized that making me wait around a hospital to see if my various body parts calmed down was no ideal She sent me home for the weekend with a pain-management prescription and clear instructions on what triggers an emergency return to the hospital and I’ll return Monday for bloodwork.
That means that instead of spending my birthday in a little room fill of beeps where I can’t get an hour’s sleep without someone popping in to check vitals or ask if I’d like ice chips and where I’m not allowed to go into the bathroom unassisted, I get to spend it at home with my (almost equally exhausted) husband, lying on the couch and doing nothing but moaning gently. I haven’t had five hours’ sleep total since Wednesday morning; maybe I can finally sleep in peace here.
Sending you the best of wishes for both immediate relief from pain and long-term health and safety. So glad you are in your own place and resting.
I hope you manage to get some rest, and that your body starts healing, and that you start feeling a bit better.
Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Oh, HONEY. I hope you feel better sooner than soon.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery! Hopefully the worst is over now!
Misery be gone!
There. Better now? But I’m usually so scary when I want to be.
Seriously, though, I hope you heal quickly and that your pain meds are effective. Sleeping in one’s own bed is so therapeutic. After Husband gets some rest, send him out for ice cream. Happy Birthday!
Oh no! Emily! That is terrible! So the gallbladder is gone, but you are still having symptoms? Goodness.
Well, I hope you at least get to watch some good movies and eat something adequately delicious on your birthday! What a bummer. 🙁
Here’s hoping you get some sleeeeeep soon. http://theawkwardyeti.com/gall-bladders-day/
ahahahahahaha nooooooo
I’m SO glad you get to go home! Gallbladders are the worst when they are acting up. My mother has told me repeatedly that she would rather go through the pain of birthing AND raising six children than go through another gallbladder attack.
Get well soon and happy birthday!
Sleep is my main form of medicine, may you be blessed with an abundance of it.
My awesome sister’s boyfriend may or may not be breaking up with her. He “needs time” and can’t decide what he wants and the usual. I’m having a hard time finding a balance between the fact that he’s a real person with complex needs and that the situation is somewhat nuanced, and the fact that he basically was like “I might break up with you when I get back from my trip in a week, so I’ll just let you know in a week, you just sit tight and wait for me to decide your fate” which … UGH, MEN
Advice/commiseration for me welcome; I’m trying to avoid boyfriend-bashing though because I don’t know how it will resolve (maybe he won’t break up with her!) and also because she cares for him and bashing is not helpful for her.
UGH THE WORST.
My sister’s boyfriend has been a real tool in the kind-of-normal-but-still-awful 25-year-old man way lately. I live with my sister, and boyfriend lives in another town and stays with us when he’s in town, so I see a lot of him. I just try to listen without saying much to my dear sister, ask gentle questions when I really need to say something, and try to stay neutral while making her feel loved and supported, because I’m with you on the “don’t bash” philosophy.
Sometimes just making her cook dinner with me and distracting her is the best kindnes, in my house.
Good luck, that is hard.
Take her to a movie. Distraction is best.
Oh, yeah, this is complicated by the fact that I’m in one Washington and she’s in the other. 🙁
My sister once sent me a “breakup package” with sweets, cute underwear, and a couple of funny books about relationships. It was the best. Maybe you can send her a “I’m sorry this moment in your relationship sucks but I love you” package?
That’s a cute idea, I like it. Thanks.
Yesterday was my birthday! I got so much love on Toastie Twitter, it was amazing. <3 all of you! And then work took me out to lunch and for ice cream and my family made me dinner and drinks and my mom made me cry a little with the birthday card she gave me. I felt so happy and so loved yesterday, it was amazing,
Today I am off work and about to take myself shopping and maybe get a mani-pedi as a gift to myself and tomorrow I’m having friends over for a BBQ and pool party. Happy weekend!
Birthdays = You’re doing it right! Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday weekend! That sounds like a great way to spend it.
Ladies and Gents of the Toast, I am officially off my birth control and venturing into the land of purposely attempting to create another human being with the help of my husband.
Any and all witchcraft by which to guarantee the conception of a future chief justice ruth bader ginsburg misandrist queen would be greatly appreciated.
Seriously, though, I’m cool with whatever we end up creating together (hellhounds? witches? WELL-ADJUSTED HUMANS?), but there’s a part of me that really wants to birth the next Woman Who Will Rule The World.
“Or you could have a puppy!” Response of small child when told his mommy would be having a baby boy or a baby girl soon.
Seriously, Scandyhoovian, you are exactly the kind of person who should be procreating. You are improving society just be being in it and then making more like you is just … well, the rest of us owe you one.
Ooooooooooooh my god you just made me get all weepy at the desk. Thank you. You are so kind!! <3
Who knows? You could birth the second trans Woman Who Will Rule The World (the first being Our Lady Laverne).
I would be proud to have done so! Any child of mine can identify as anything they want to identify themselves as, I will love them no matter what.
I mean, I may feel disappointment if they don’t attempt world domination, but we can discuss that when it comes time.
I just went off the pill about two months ago. We’re not tryyyyying, but we’re not…not trying. It leads to some hilarious mid-coital conversation. Anyway, I’ve been using that stupid, hideous p-tracker app that shows you when you ovulate and all that. It’s actually been pretty accurate for me, but I have a regular cycle and a very obvious ovulation, so YMMV.
‘m definitely interested in some witchy stuff though.
Hee. THUS FAR in my life irregularity has not been an issue, but I’ve also been on the pill for some bajillionty-million years now, so it’s entirely possible coming off of those might be an adventure. We’ll see how the next few months go…
I’d been on the pill for 15 years and was totally panicked about stopping. But aside from a couple blemishes and somewhat smaller tatas, everything’s been just dandy. In fact, things have been much more exciting in the lady-basement. So hopefully you have an easy transition as well.
Oh that’s good to hear! I… will likely continue to worry until I have experienced my own. Also, “lady-basement” is by far the best way to describe the territory in question. Love it!
I, for one, welcome my impending misandrist queen with open arms. All the well wishes for your impending sexy collaboration to go fantastically!
“Sexy Collaboration.” Now there’s a baby name.
No, but wait, I already created her! Alright, maybe they can form a misandrist society with co-rulers.
Good luck! You will be an excellent mom.
YAAAAYAYAYAYYAYY toast babies!!!!!
Good luck! It is a very interesting road, and we look forward to hearing about it!
My second child told me, when we were talking about when the fourth baby would be born, that she thought I was pregnant with Baby Jesus. Note that we are not at all religious, which I did point out to her, but she was pretty convinced.
Yay, babies!
omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg
So my cycle is real nuts, so i did the charting thing where you take your basal temperature every day. This also meant that since I knew my ovulation date, we were able to time it in accordance with the old wives/hippie(?) thing of girl-sperm-being-slower-than-male. (So like… 3 days before ovulation.) As of yet, I don’t know the sex, but I’m having some real strong gut feelings about growing a baby lady. Also I am siiiiiick which according to real science is more common with girls. I shall keep you apprised of my entirely scientific experiment. And good luck! It is SUCH an exciting and emotional time!
First thing on Monday morning I inadvertently sat down on the train near some middle-aged bros (is there a word for this?) who were talking way too loudly about their Sport and their Team. I don’t know what sport or whatever (maybe it was a crossfit thing? Unclear) but one guy was like “yeah I used to let whoever on my team but then some people weren’t as dedicated. I get that they have their own limits but I had to ask them to leave. I gotta finish, you know? I just gotta finish, and you can’t stay if you can’t keep up. I gotta finish.” with the other guy enthusiastically agreeing that cutting your friends off from participating with you in your shared hobby in pursuit of your own super manly goals is totally reasonable.
I don’t know, maybe it is reasonable, but it really rubbed me the wrong way at the time.
And that is how I came to learn that there are only two playlists on Spotify with “misandry” in the title. Let’s get on that, friends. More misandry playlists!!
LOL the guy at my work who runs the softball team (beer league, intra industry, for the purpose of work-place bonding and for no other purpose) tried to ban some ladies from playing in the play-offs because they were not good enough.
FUCK YOU BRO.
I keep having super-vivid baby dreams, and last night my boyfriend and I visited some friends and their tiny preemie baby and I conned my boyfriend into holding him and my ovaries basically exploded. So there’s THAT going on.
Hey, people who have had babies, what are the nicest/most helpful things people did for you after delivery and beyond? What were your favourite foods that people dropped off? What were the most annoying things people did? I am trying to be the best friend to my baby-having friends I can be!
Not a baby-haver, best friend to two baby-havers. This varies a whole lot person-to-person but here are some nice offers to make:
– Coupons or just offers for acute and chronic chores (clean the bathroom, fill a grocery order, do the laundry, walk the dog, take the car for an oil change, pick up a prescription, help navigate the health exchange website).
– Offer to just come and hang and have an adult conversation if they want one.
– Hold the baby while they take a shower. Talk to them while they hold the baby and you do the dishes.
– If you are in funds right now: substantial gift certificate to their most favorite restaurant that delivers, or TWO restaurants so they don’t have to eat the same things all the time.
– If you are in funds when the kid’s a bit older and they’re sleeping more than five hours a week: babysit or offer to pay for a sitter while they go out for a date night or two.
– This is sort of a more nebulous one, but follow their lead conversationally. If they seem to want to talk about baby things, talk about baby things with them. If they seem to want to talk about non-baby things, talk about those. The two people I’m thinking of were (and are) desirous of holding onto their pre-parenting, reasoning, creative and intellectual minds, and felt those minds beleaguered by the physical and emotional and everythingelsical demands of parenting a new human, so I tried to bolster that; someone else might need reassurance that it really is okay for them to not give a shit about anything else right now.
These are great! Thanks for the great tips.
Wow yes, that tip about the conversations is gold. I remember how we wanted to talk NOTHING BUT BABY and were not good at listening for a bit because job? politics? what are these things there is a baby here. So our friends had to be pretty patient until we emerged from the fog.
The other two things coming to mind (wow I have a lot of thoughts about this) are:
1. We suddenly became very very hyper-sensitive to any story involving harm to children — in some ways we lost our sense of humour about it totally. Someone saying ‘Oh yah my gaming group just had to kill the demon child who was going to grow up to be the antichrist’ would have probably made us burst into tears. Obviously mileage will vary a lot, but wow, that was not expected.
2. The first few months of having our first baby was deeply surreal and we had lots of support and it was bizarre and difficult but also wonderful. Then all the support started to fade and it became the new normal and months 3-9 we were *bored out of our minds* because she did not sleep enough for us to do anything fun, but she was not yet interactive yet. So if you love your baby-having friends lot, remember that they might need even more support/interaction/fun/joy three or five months from now than they do right now.
My mother deep-cleaned and reorganized my refrigerator, but that is probably above and beyond. 🙂
Seriously, we were just forever grateful to people who dropped off dinner. One friend made an awesome flatbread pizza, another a thai noodle dish. Offer to do light chores – sweeping up, emptying the dishwasher… how pushy you choose to be on this depends on your closeness to the person.
And just hang out. Even a year out from newborn days, I love the people who are willing to come over for take-out and participate in adult conversation while I wrangle my kid (and after I get her to bed!).
Haha we were at our friends’ place last night seeing their teeny tiny baby, and the “how pushy do I be about chores” was totally a factor!
We had brought dinner, and newmom was totally into just letting me get it ready and wash all the containers, etc, but after dinner we were trying to clean up and newdad was like “no no no you will not clean up”. I feel like newmom would have totally let us, but I can only try so hard before it’s weird!
But yeah! Hanging out with friends with babies. One of my dearest friends had a baby a year ago, and our routine is every few weeks to get fancy take-out pizza and a bottle of wine and let the baby eat the crusts and gossip about books. It’s great.
My best-received food gift to new parents so far has been quiche, for the following reasons:
1. Good hot or cold, so can be eaten straight from the fridge
2. Can be eaten out of one hand while holding a baby in the other
3. Assuming it contains vegetables, can be considered a complete meal
I’ve been trying to come up with other things that meet those criteria too but haven’t thought of any yet.
Food is a great idea, especially at first when they’re in survival mode. You could also offer to make a grocery run.
Depending on what you can afford, hiring a cleaning service for the day would be awesome, and they might be more willing to accept that than you cleaning up yourself.
Hold the baby a lot even when it’s fussy. Bring food that comes in individual portions you can eat with one hand. High in protein if you can manage it. Encourage the new Mom to get out she is able.
Ha, those vivid baby dreams can be intense!
The nicest things people could do were drop off food, obviously, but also my closest girlfriend gave me an insulated mug as a present after #2 was born because, in her words, ‘I found after I had my second child, my tea always went cold.’ And it was SUCH a fantastic gift.
Gift cards to supermarkets so they can stock up on boring things like nappies or botty cream or whatever, or treat themselves to foods they’d otherwise not be able to budget in (expensive chocolate comes to mind, but I know I’m rather obsessed compared to the general population).
Agree about holding the baby while the mum has a shower. That is a really great help.
Absolute number one thing: chores. We had two cats when my daughter was born and one of our very dear friends (now my & my partner’s housemate) not only did the litter box during my pregnancy, but kept it up for months afterwards, so we never ever ever had to think about it.
Thinking about it more, when our daughter was born we were just so overwhelmed with the reality of BABY and recovering from the C-section and coping with the hormonal cocktail and lack of sleep and all that all we wanted to do was sit someplace very quiet and cosy and hold the baby and not have to do anything else. So having people come over and do chores and bring groceries and generally deal with the actual mechanics of life so that we could spend a few weeks just focused on the baby was what we needed.
However I know a lot of people who would go crazy sitting in a comfy chair holding a baby and a book for 18 hours a day, and for those people offering to take the baby for a bit so the mom can get up and move around and stretch or maybe even take a nap, that is an awesome thing.
Last night I dreamed I had pet dragon, and my husband killed it 🙁
And I’m still angry with him
Understandably!
Pff, well, of course!
Toasties! I posted last week about my financial and scheduling woes, and can I just hug each and every one of you that offered suggestions (if you want, that is, don’t wanna breach any boundaries ‘n all) – I successfully set up not only a regular Google calendar, but one exclusively for finances, and when I get home tomorrow I will begin the arduous task of balancing my checkbook register. I can do this! I can keep my shit together!
I WILL HAVE MONEY TO GO TO AUSTRALIA WITH!
Woohoo! Where in Australia are you going? (I’m asking not in order to stalk you, but you know, I live here and all, so just have a general interest!)
No worries! I’m going to Brisbane to visit a good friend, and we are theoretically going to the Gold Coast as well!
I love Brisbane. I went there almost twenty years ago, so uh… it’s probably changed somewhat since then, but it was so much better than Sydney.
Have a brilliant time 🙂 How exciting!
Hi Toast! I would love a few tips on how to navigate a poor roommate situation. I have a very kind and well-meaning roommate, who moved in in June. Unfortunately she is struggling with depression and potentially being diagnosed with adult ADHD. No reason to recount the stories- suffice to say that these and many other factors lead to her being an inconsiderate roommate.
We were not friends prior to her moving in- though we were acquaintances- and I find myself having a difficult time balancing roommate and interpersonal frustration with trying not to minimizing what she’s going through. I also feel selfish because I have not, and do not intend to, engage with her in a meaningful way about these issues. My care and energy is already devoted to self/partner/family/close friends and I can’t seem to muster up more. Anyway- I know this is late in the thread, but I’d appreciate suggestions for what I can do to improve the situation for everyone.
Focus on verbs. Are there things you want her to do? Things she should be doing as a responsible roommate? E.g., Please wash the dishes you left in the sink last night. Or, It’s your turn; will you be cleaning the bathroom today or tomorrow?
Helping her focus on What To Do Next is a kindness while she is depressed or distracted. And it is well within your role as roommate.
Oof. I had a similar issue with a roommate’s eating disorder. I didn’t know how to address some upsetting side effects of the ED without exacerbating or shaming her for it, so I mostly ignored it. One night I just lost it and called her out. It didn’t go well, I moved out, and as far as I know, we both hate each other immensely. So, I guess my only advice would be to talk about it when you’re in a good mood with lots of empathy, and don’t wait until you can’t stand it anymore.
Well, her depression and her ADHD are not actually your problem. There is nothing incompatible about being kind and empathetic and asking for your needs to be met too.
I would recommend having a matter-of-fact conversation about behaviour and expectations that is gentle and non-blaming, and not even bring up her illness. Or if you feel like you want to contextualize, you can say “I can appreciate how what you’re going through right now makes certain things more difficult for you, and I’m here for you. However, I also need X, Y, and Z to happen, and not happen in our space. Can we talk about how we can meet both of our needs here?”
I’m not sure what kind of inconsiderate things she is doing, and I can appreciate not wanting to air the details, but I feel like it might be helpful to have some idea of what is going on? Is she not cleaning up after herself, or is she constantly on the couch crying? Is she acting out and bringing randoms home at 3:00 am? Etc.
Good luck. Roommate problems are so hard.
I’m totally late to this, but I would try your hardest to make whatever you do say seem like a current thing, and try to hide that this has been building up. I say this because I think it can be really tough to be struggling with depression, and in a living situation where you think that you’ve been pissing your roommate off for ages. So I would concentrate on tangible things she can do to improve your living situation, and say it as current seeming as possible, so, for example, if mess is a problem. Either do a big clean up and say, ‘Oh my gosh the house looks so nice, can we keep it this way?’ and then, if need be, follow up with comments to faciliate keeping it that way. Or, if she’s left her washing up in the sink, be like, ‘Can you possibly do your washing up so I can use the sink? Thanks in advance!’ Rather than something like, ‘I’ve noticed that you haven’t cleaned the microwave in six months.’ I totally support you having boundaries about what you spend your time and energy on – I find this really difficult – and you might find this easier by having stronger boundaries. This generally helps my feelings of resentment and actually gives me more free ’emotional space’.
I’m not sure if this posted last week, so I’mma try again!:
I’m starting to plan an awesome vacation to PORTUGAL. (Lisbon and Porto!) I’m going with a group of friends in about a month, and all of us have been so busy with work, we haven’t had a chance to figure out what’s cool to see/do/eat (especially eat).
Any recommendations? Bonus points for literary-type places!
Fun! I’m sure you already know the wineries (portoriums? portoria?) have tours.
I haven’t been to Portugal in a very long time, but I have fond memories of my visit! I didn’t do anything too unique, but I would definitely encourage you to visit the town Sintra (and eat their famous tarts and hike their famous trails) and the Gulbenkian Museum if you weren’t already planning to. Mostly what I loved about Portugal though was the people, I remember hearing people singing as they walked down the street and seeing the beauty in even little things like how they laid the paving stones. I might be a little jealous.
Do you possibly have a throw away gmail account you wouldn’t mind posting? I will no joke send you a very intense color coded google map with bars, cafés, restaurants, sights, and shops for both cities from my trip this past April. Researching vacations is my favorite thing. We spent all put money on eating, and weren’t super concerned about going places where there wouldn’t be tourists, if that sounds ok. I can add in comments about where we actually went too, since I made it before the trip.
I was just in Lisbon and Porto! Drink Ginja in Lisbon http://www.yelp.ca/biz/a-ginjinha-lisboa
and eat at this very trendy place in Lisbon http://www.tripadvisor.ca/Restaurant_Review-g1891…
Do you like the BEST CHICKEN? http://www.tripadvisor.ca/ShowUserReviews-g189180…
That chicken place was ridic, we loved it so much we went like three times.
Porto has a famous sandwich – my husband ate one and it was horrifying http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francesinha
I’ve never been, but I imagine (hope with all my being) that there are some Jose Saramago-related sights/memorials in the Lisbon area. Have a blast that sounds amazing!!!
This is really late, but the Lello & Irmão Bookshop in Porto. http://www.localporto.com/bookstore-world-porto-l…
I was also going to recommend this bookstore. However, just as a warning, you are not allowed to take pictures inside and there are signs EVERYWHERE inside reminding you. It took away from the experience a little bit for me (I understand the not wanting a bunch of tourists taking pictures and not buying anything, just the excessive signage got to me), but I would still recommend it.
I got lost constantly in Porto, except on the metro. The metro (at least two years ago) was very nice.
For Lisbon, take the tram out to Belem. It is lovely to walk around and see the tower and monastery (if that is your type of thing). And get the pastel de nata at Pasteis de Belem. They are FANTASTIC. You can eat them at the counter or there is lots of seating towards the back. These are featured on every travel thing about Portugal for a reason. (OK, I might just be really into pastries)
Guys, I need advice on how to offer support to a friend dealing with infertility. Her IVF just failed and she’s devastated. She’s a super private person that has trouble sharing feelings, so I just told her that I’m there for her when/if she wants to talk, or even not talk, and pretend nothing’s wrong. But I also know she hasn’t told really anyone else outside of her immediate family about all this, and I feel like I need to do more, somehow? Because she is totally the type to hole up and I’m worried about depression, etc.
The other complicated issue in this is that I may try to make my own spawn in the near future, and I’m afraid it will end our friendship. I would understand if it were too hard for her, but I feel terrible knowing she has almost no other support network already. ugh ugh ugh.
Your future successful spawning will not end your friendship. It will likely cause a hiatus, though. Wait and see. Your friend may surprise you. But you will not be surprised when she takes a leave of absence. Just keep in touch if that happens, but omit mentions of your growing family.
Meanwhile, keep in touch and suggest activities. I have bouts of depression and I am indebted to friends who contact me with a date for a planned outing.
Thanks. She told me she wants to disappear for a while (this is why I’m worried), but I think I will just keep offering outings/hangouts and let her know I won’t be upset or stop offering no matter how many times she says no.
As a person whose first instinct is to retreat, I’d suggest just showing up. For me, I will insist that I am fine even when the house is burning down around me. Call her and tell her that you’d like to take her to a movie on a certain day and then just follow through. Don’t wait for her to ask. The walls come down really easily if you push just a little.
good advice, thank you. I want to respect her boundaries, but I do think she needs some prodding to accept support.
I don’t know your friend or you but speaking for myself, a lot of my boundaries about intimacy come from a deep fear that if I ask for help, I’ll be refused. And that would be devastating. So I don’t ask. And I don’t accept support easily because if I do and it is later withdrawn, that would be heartbreaking. So I force people to “prove” that they mean it when they say they want to be there for me. Which I know is messed up and I’m working on it. But at least for me all that really takes is just showing up. Like, literally. Just be there.
One middle-ground option would be to tell her that you’d like to respect her boundaries and that maybe a structured schedule for invitations would work (“I love you, and you’ve said that you want time, but I worry that you’ll go hermitwise; could we maybe say that unless you tell me otherwise, I’ll touch base on Tuesdays and Saturdays and see how you’re doing/invite you to a thing?”). That might give her the flexibility to say no, to decide that she does want company more or less often, and to not worry that she’s letting you down by always saying no all day every day.
The older my friends get, the more we find ourselves using our words to explain what we need, and despite being smart well-educated sea witches we are often surprised at how much good it does for our interactions.
So wise.
I think this is a really great approach.
I love this approach.
Re: you furthering the species some time soon, I think give her the benefit of the doubt that she will be okay with it. Speaking as a barren myself, I would hate to be left out of something due to this. I understand it’s very raw for her right now but I think there is every chance she won’t think of your babymaking her her infertility as related.
I started using this app to track my workouts (not calories or weight or anything else), and I LOVE IT! It’s called Fitocracy, and it gives you points for everything you do in your workout based on how hard it is, and levels you up as you do things!
You can be friends with people (it’s fairly social-networky), and give them kudos for their workouts. It’s reinvigorated my gym experience, in part because the list of exercises is so long that I have found variants for the harder exercises that make them more workable for me (dumbbell squats yay!)
Anyway, if anyone else uses it, I’m HeloiseRocks.
I use it! I’m GruntledDave there too.
yesyesyesyes i knew there was a reason i was poking around the Open Thread!! (insomnia)
Yesterday, I went for my first prenatal appointment for baby #2, and the midwife asked me and my husband if we were the only two people in our relationship.
We are, but I was so excited. Yaaaaay for inclusiveness!! I love my midwives. And I don’t live in San Francisco or anything, this is solidly middle America.
Did you give the midwife feedback that you appreciated being asked? I’m in a position to be inclusive in a similar way in my work and I am always a little nervous that I will be perceived as being provocative so I appreciate when people respond positively.
Yes! Because my dear sweet naive husband was somewhat confused, the midwife said something like, “Oh, I know it seems like an odd question, but there are all sorts out there,” and I was all “NO IT’S AWESOME ASK ME MORE.”
I can imagine there are situations where you get really hostile responses. My parents get all bent out of shape about things like doctors asking if you have guns in the home. I keep telling them it’s medically important, but they’re all political about it, ugh.
Ha, my dad is the same way. I only the other hand was really excited when I told my then-new gynecologist about my monogamous relationship, and she asked me if it was with a man instead of just assuming that it was. It matters!
UGH my doctor likes to get very excited when I start having sex with only one person because she seems to like to shame me about having multiple partners and also about any weight gain.
Also, I need a new doctor.
Hey there, fellow Vancouverite! If you’re serious about needing a new family doc, I go to Bayswater Family Practice in Kits, and they are awesome. I can’t think of a single area of improvement in terms of attitudes and quality of care, though I recommend trying to get the first appt of the day, or after your doc’s meal break, as they are often behind schedule. I chalk this up to the above mentioned quality of care – they are focused on their patients and not so much on the clock… Anyway, they’re wonderful, open minded, caring people and kick ass doctors. Something to consider…
Thanks for the tip!
At my first appointment with the midwife for pregnancy #2 (different than the first), she was so excited to find out I was still breastfeeding child 1 (who was then just over 2). It made me so happy and comfortable.
This week is apparently middle school week at work, culminating in me telling a coworker that if it was so damn important for him to drum his fingers on a seat, he needed to do it on his seat and not mine. I’m hoping maybe everybody just needs some more sleep and so the drama llama antics will be over next week.
But next weekend I’m travelling! I’ve done plenty of it by myself, but I’ve never driven on my trips before, so this is a new experience. I’m a bit nervous but also pretty excited, even though it’s just a weekend thing for school. I don’t have to elaborately work out train and bus schedules while hauling around an overnight bag! Yay!
I just moved from rural Indiana to downtown Minneapolis this week, and I’m so excited to learn more about my new home, Toasties! At first I was a bit fretful because I am but a lowly country mouse moving into a metropolis, but everyone has been so kind. Has any other Toasties moved this week/recently? ARE THERE ANY TWIN CITIES TOASTIES UNTO WHICH I CAN ASK GREAT ADVICE ABOUT COOL THINGS? I mean, aside from the impending Cat Video Festival, which don’t worry I’m totally going to nbd.
I miss living in the Twin Cities so much!!! I lived in Dinkytown right out of college, which was perfect for that stage in my life. That area right around the Varsity theater is such fun, but very young. I’ve also lived near Grand in St Paul which I also loved. Very laid back, delicious food, pretty good shopping.
Go to all the local festivals (you must have missed Grand Old Days but there are similar things in other neighborhoods), has the art festival happened yet?, and of course the State Fair. When I’m back in the cities I try and stop at the Finn Style store. And if you need furniture you MUST go to the Room and Board factory store out in Edina. If I move back in the next 3-5 years I will go straight there to furnish my place. Take advantage of this access to affordable American made furniture!
Ooh, this all sounds lovely, especially the State Fair – I don’t know if it’s the unbidden nostalgia for a place I am otherwise super-stoked to be leaving, the promise of Americana, or DELICIOUS FREAKING FOOD, but hitting up a new state fair just sounds awesome. Also, the ads I keep on hearing totally helps. I’m here for grad school at MCAD actually, so I’m also going to keep my eyes peeled for that art festival yet. (Unless you mean Northern Spark? In which case, I TOTALLY MISSED IT AND I’M SO BUMMED! Cue abject wailing, etc.)
I am INCREDIBLY jealous of you! I moved from Indiana to downtown Minneapolis a few years ago (and sadly moved away to Chicago last year – I miss MPLS!) For some reason I can’t think of any great recommendations, other than to find the neighborhood that is right for you, but always seek out things to do in different neighborhoods. There’s also awesome culture in the Cities, and it’s fairly easy to get around and between Minneapolis and St Paul. Have fun!
I really lucked out in that the place I found (Whittier) is a) really close to my grad school and b) also seems to be my speed. I’ve only been here less than a week, but so charmed!! I’m still in the “omg, why do I have all these chores to do STILL?!” mode, but next week I’m excited to peek in everywhere and see all the lovely things that are offered.
(Also: Hoosier expat signal of affection of your choice, whether it be hug or fist bump or sashay.)
I enjoyed a visit to the Twin Cities where I took a picture of myself at all locations mentioned in ‘Freedom’ but that’s probably not for everyone.
UHHH THIS SOUNDS AMAZING, TBH
You can do it! If you want, I’ll send you my notes for which pages mention specific locations to visit. Also, I wrote music for those two songs that Patty thinks Richard wrote for her.
This all went a bit far, I am aware.
I am so bummed that I didn’t respond to this in a timely fashion, but I just want to know how utterly heroic I find this entire endeavor. SNAPS TO YOU.
I’m no longer a Twin Cities Toastie, but I am from there and can answer questions if you have them!
I see now that you’re living in Whittier! I lived in Powderhorn right after I got married and <3 South Mpls so much,
ahhhhh I’ve only here for what amounts to a week and I’m so loving it. There is something about living 2 blocks from the Midtown Greenway that is amazing!!
I am so late to this BUT WELCOME TO MY FAVORITE PLACE EVER. Our winters are vile but everything else is perfect and amazing and you will love it.
That said, I am a boring married person who walks her dog in the park for fun, so I’m not the person to ask about fun things, unless they involved walking dogs in urban parks.
I will say that the Cat Vid Fest may already be kind of… not what you’d expect? I went the first year and it was AMAZE and attended by 100% internet dorks and lesbians dressed like cats, but then it got really, really huge and suburban and white? It’s still a blast and totes worth going to, but consider yourself warned.
… so I’m not the person to ask about fun things, unless they involved walking dogs in urban parks.
I’m a boring graduate student who likes walking dogs and parks (although, due to past living situations, have never done dog walking in an urban park), so consider me here with open ears. My great party tastes also err on “how many farmer’s markets can I hit up?” and “oh my God, how is this gigantic museum free?? CAN I JUST SLEEP HERE FOREVER?!” just fyi.
That said, aw man that neither surprises me nor fills my heart with warm fuzzies w/r/t Cat Vid Fest. The reason why I’m in MPLS is because I’m starting grad school as an ahteest, so I was actually considering making a “History of Cats on the Internet” painting for my school’s opening MFA show. For planning reasons, I’m going to hold on that project, but that was my main impetuous. However, knowing the first year vs. what this year will be like is kinda meta concerning how memes generally go: first with the hardcore nerds, then to the populace, and finally to our parents. It’s like Facebook: A Journey.
Ingress thread, anyone?
My city is an additional cell for the Helios 04 anomaly, which basically means that our regional scores for yesterday through tomorrow might affect the game’s story slightly. It’s increased the amount people are playing around here, and it’s been kind of fun. Except for the part where the Resistance is kicking our butts.
Actually, I find that a little fun too, because usually it goes the other way, so it’s nice to feel like we have some competition. But I’m not sure any other Enlightened agents here would agree with me.
I’ve been trying to stock up on enough weaponry to go to town on some of the lower level farms, so I can level up, but I just love blowing stuff up! Takes forever to stockpile, it’s hot as blazes during the few free times I have, and can’t play in the car as much as I’d like.
Do you know about glyph hacking? If you long press on the hack button, you can play a little memory game, and if you do well then you usually get bonus stuff.
I can see that playing in the car would be hard. I mostly take public transit, which actually works pretty well for hacking portals.
I think I heard about the glyph thing, but had no idea how to do it – thanks! Playing in the car isn’t that big a deal, but drives the BF crazy if he’s riding with, so I don’t play when he’s in the car. I work right across from a blue L8 farm, so sometimes I can go over and hack/flip a bunch of the portals. Love destroying portals with items I hacked from them moments before. >:-)
Ha!
Do link them up after you’ve flipped them, it gets you lots of AP. And apparently it makes them harder to kill, so the blues have to use more of their inventory.
Also, if you have a key for a portal in your inventory, you won’t get another one when you hack it. So if you want multiple keys for a portal, you can either drop the key you have or put it in a capsule while you hack it.
I have multiple keys for portals, but they may have been ones that were ‘acquired’, not hacked. Def link up the portals after hacking, and I try to do the onion layers for exponential MU, but it doesn’t always work out. Oh, and mods! I generally just do 2 shields if I”m the first to mod, but sometimes through a multi-hack on the ones that I go by daily. Also, I’m a master of recharging. Any portal I have a key to, I recharge all day if I can. Since I leave my phone open to Ingress and plugged in all day, I get floating XM all day and can recharge a lot.
It sounds like you’re ahead of me on most things – I’ve only recently started smashing the blue portals. It is highly enjoyable.
An ultrastrike in the center to take out the mods, then BOOM! Very cathartic:)
Yes.
The big one I took out this morning, I think the owner was recharging while I attacked. No matter. Down it went.
I am running low on ultrastrikes, though. I need to do some farming soon.
Yesterday at training, I kicked my trainer’s hand instead of the bag he was holding. I was not sorry, because he was A Man.
This time next week I will be recovering from my laparascopy. Recommend things I should watch or read?
If you feel confident in your home’s (or wherever you’ll be recovering) security system, watch “The Fall” on Netflix and revel in Gillian Anderson’s casual misandry and beautiful blouses. It is dark and serial killer-y, be warned! But so worth it.
Other Netflix faves: Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Luther.
Not on Netflix, but the things that we always end up watching when we are sick/recovering: Hot Fuzz, all the Jason Bourne movies.
“You Are Beautiful” on Netflix if you like a funny Korean drama about a teen nun-in-training who impersonates her brother in order to join a boy band, AND WHO WOULDN’T
OMG, WHAT? I must watch this.
PS Best wishes for a speedy recovery, combledore.
It’s like 15 or 16 episodes and there is so much EPIC EMOTING and OUTLANDISH FASHION. You’ll love it, Mindy.
It’s really fun! I want all of the lead singer’s cowl-necked shirts.
I want those and also his facial expressions
Peep Show. Archer. Fringe. Trailer Park Boys.
^All streaming in their entirety on Netflix.
Speaking of cocktails, I have something I’ve been trying to figure out on my own and I need some serious advice. De-lurking here to ask: anyone know anything about the world of cookbook/cocktail book publishing?
I work somewhere (not a bar/restaurant) where we experiment with a lot of specialty cocktail recipes, and we’ve got a concept that hasn’t been fully explored/exhausted yet in the world of ~craft cocktails (keeping it vague because I’m a woman of mystery, naturally). I think it’s going to become a really popular soon, though, and I want to try to get a book out there before someone else does. However, I have 0 ideas about how to make that happen beyond sending in unsolicited submissions to various publishers. Is that the best way to go about it, or is there something else I could do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
I don’t know anything about cookbook publishing, but I do sometimes read about genre publishing (though I’ll likely never put this knowledge to use). So the one useful thing I know is that there are probably people who’ve done it and then published advice about it online.
For instance, this guy mentions that agents are a thing for cookbooks and gives a little advice about finding one.
Given that that much is the same, I’m pretty sure the other thing you’ll want to read about is literary scams. There are folks who will claim to be publishing your book, but they’re a very small/new publisher/agent and they do need you to cover the costs for this thing, and that thing, and also you should hire this freelance editor (who secretly is giving them a kickback), and maybe they insist that you must buy several hundred copies yourself, and then your book is never actually published, or it’s published but the design is off and they don’t promote it properly and your royalty cheque never comes, and also you have sold/given them the rights to it and that causes a whole big mess if you still want to try to work with someone else.
Thank you, this is helpful! I’m very wary of scams (I think everything is a scam tbh), and that’s partly why I’m so hesitant to just submit something to someone. The only publisher I’m familiar with re: cookbooks that are similar to what I’m looking to do is Chronicle books, and their submission guidelines are pretty manageable, but I feel so uneasy about it because chances are we’ll never hear back. I just want to do right by my small business job that I love and create a great book that will bring our little shop more business and success! Thank you again for the ideas!
Few hours ago: Told the Toast I am planning procreation.
Now: Thunder, lightning. Darkness. Pouring rain. THE OMENS. THEY ARE GRAND.
As of this month, I have 2 new cats, a new job (that I will be able to walk to!!), and new neighbors (who are also friends). Everything’s coming up Milhouse.
yaaay
I am rapidly reaching my limit for interacting with human strangers, and I’ve got to be at work for another five hours. And I got here an extra 45 minutes early by accident today, because I was so exhausted and disoriented this morning.
BUT! I found out last night that Quantum Fairy Tales will be running one of my stories in their Summer 2014 issue, and it will be up TONIGHT. It’s a Sleeping Beauty retelling with Dark Fairy Lore (inspired by “At The Bottom of the Garden” by Diane Purkiss and I am SO EXCITED.)
AND on Tuesday I have an interview to be a part time writing instructor for 8-18 year olds! NOTHING WOULD BRING ME MORE JOY.
So I guess that’ll tide me over for interacting with human strangers for the next five hours or so.
HOW HAS EVERYONE’S WEEK BEEN, TOSTONES?!
Work has been tough this week, but somehow I’m still doing okay. Have I finally figured out the magic sauce that enables me to let my worries cascade off me like water off a duck’s back? Or maybe I’m just sleeping well, but whatever it is I’ll take it.
I had a nice phone call on Monday with my brother who I don’t talk to regularly (not for any special reason, we just both get wrapped up in our own stuff). I loaned him some money to tide him over since his unemployment ran out, usually I’d stress over something like that but instead I just feel like I did a nice thing for someone I care about (which is true!) and I’m glad I was able to. He later sent me a picture of his cat and a funny email written as if it were from one of those child-sponsoring charities that made me laugh. It’s nice to be able to support each other and make each other laugh, our family has been through some stuff but money aside we’re pretty good now.
your story sounds awesome and I will read it with my coffee soon! also now I want some plantains so THANKS A LOT but also CONGRATS.
Y’all! My old-time band played our first folk festival last weekend and: it was wonderful and amazing, we played great and we got tonnes of praise and feedback. BUT ALSO: I and the other female member of the band (a banjolele player) received a significant amount of unsolicited advice after each performance concerning our hair, the volume level of other members in the band, our use of charts as “unprofessional,” and other things.
What goes through the heads of people, prompting them to provide professional musicians with unsolicited advice concerning their music, and then focus all of that unwanted criticism on only the women in the band? Particularly when that advice is about the male members in the band?
I am bewildered, and it would be a lie to say it did not sour a large part of a day for me.
“You’re giving unsolicited advice to professional musicians. You know that, right? Why would you do that?”
“Did you give criticism to any of the men in the band? Why not? Something to think about, isn’t it?”
Hey Toasties!
Guess what! Tomorrow, I’m going to New York (and indeed, THE AMERICAS) for the very first time. I have time for one museum trip in my visit, and I was wondering if any of you could help me decide – MoMA or the Met? Or neither? Other suggestions also v much appreciated 😉 Still not 100% convinced America is a real place that exists outside of films, so that’s kind of the level of preparedness I’m at for my trip right now.
I prefer the Met, because its like doubling down on a dose of history and art all at once. Also you can pay whatever you want to get in, and it dumps you out right into Central Park.
Otherwise, I can offer food and drink suggestions depending on what you are looking for!
Another vote for The Met. It’s so big! Go in the morning, leave for lunch, then go back in for as much art as your eyeballs can take!
yeah definitely the Met. I love love love love love moma but most of that love stems from a time when I was a student in NYC and I got in there free. I could put up with everything else when I wasn’t being charged admission.
that being said- if you are just going to the standing collection and not the special exhibition, it shouldn’t be too bad.
Both are interesting, but MOMA is the Kwik-Stop to the Met’s Costco in terms of number and variation of works, and the Met is just THE MET OH MY GOD GO SEE IT. You could spend a week looking through the collections and still find new tidbits.
I am a weirdie and say neither and go to the AMNH instead, but I love me some physical science. 😉 Within your options, though, go for the Met – as mentioned upthread, it’s pay-what-you-can for entrance, which was great when I was a broke college student looking for something fun to do.
*pokes head over parapet*
Toast friends–when last I posted (or really, read any of the Open Thread or anything else for that matter), I was 48 hours away from the beginning of a labor induction, and it was the middle of May. That baby is now almost 13 weeks old. The great / amazing / miraculous news: she (yes! a girl!! so pleased!!!!!) seems by all accounts to be doing exceptionally well now. The less-than-great recent past: she was born needing immediate surgery to fix up her innards (tracheal/esophageal fistula + esophageal atresia, c-type). But then surgery went really amazingly well and she ended up discharged from the NICU at 36 weeks gestational age, weighing about 4 lbs. So we went home with a 4 lbs baby. YIPES.
She has now doubled her birthweight (!) and is more or less the size of an average newborn, as she approaches 3 mos. I think this means that we might just *now* be entering into “normal” newborn sleep cycles. And I’m super delighted that we’ve finally figured out breastfeeding (took a long time and a *lot* of pumping in the meantime), but of course that means that I don’t ever sleep more than 2 hrs at a time. Also, I’m still carrying around 10lbs of baby weight that seems to have no interest in moving along (and I thought breastfeeding was the panacea here?). Ugh. But mostly yea!!!
Also, hi. I have sorely missed this online community, and I hope to be rejoining as a semi-active participant, as we redefine “normal” around here.
(also, is it terrible how happy I am that she’s a she? We didn’t want to find out the sex beforehand, but now the thought that we could have had a boy is both confusing and a little upsetting to me. . . Yea for girl babies!!!)
Congratulations on your girl! 4 lbs is tiny! Good for all of you for making it work.
I just went to visit our friends whose baby was pretty premature (he’s due in a few weeks, but is a month old), and he is now 6 pounds! Woohoo! You parents of preemies are heros! Hope you’re doing well.
Congratulations! I’m glad to hear that she’s doing so well.
Damn, you are a rock star. I live in awe of parents who go through medical stuff with their newborns. Welcome back, and congratulations on your little girl!
Give yourself time on the baby weight. Life is long and you are dealing with a LOT. From experience, breastfeeding does help, but the “9 months on, 9 months off” mantra is not a bad one. Anecdotally, I’ve heard your body needs a bit of extra fat to hang on to during breastfeeding, so don’t stress yourself out. One day, you’ll be sleeping and living on a regular schedule again, and you’ll be amazed how much more energy you have for exercising and all that.
Yes, if you are not sleeping much, your body probably thinks it needs the extra stores.
The first time around we didn’t lose the last bit of baby weight until our daughter hit 14 months and we finally started getting to sleep 8 hours straight. (We should have sleep trained earlier! She was so happy when we did!)
Congratulations on your baby girl! I’m glad to hear she’s doing well now! Soon, soon you will be sleeping longer.
My daughter is 4 months old (on Sunday), and I still have 25 lbs to lose; it’s hard when you’re breastfeeding. You would think the extra calories you’re feeding the kid would mean weight loss for you, but in reality I just don’t produce enough milk if I eat fewer calories. It’s dumb.
Yay, so glad to hear things are going well more or less. Welcome, new Toast-babby friend!
Oh, wow. You guys have been through a LOT. Go you for pumping, that is awesome!
(Re girl babies: I had a boy first, who was adorable and snuggly and so Mummy-centred it was divine, and when we found out we were having a girl next, I’ll admit I was a little sad because the boy was all I’d known, but then OMG the GIRL was just brilliant and terrific and so interactive and laughed earlier and got humour at a really young age, and you know what, I am so, so glad she is a girl!)
Congratulations very very much on your baby and on her successful recovery from scary health problems and on her growing!
As for sleep stuff, Weissbluth who I like because he cites actual studies claims that the sleep patterns work on gestational age, but of course YMMV. I hope she starts cycling more predictably and regularly soon and you can get some ACTUAL SLEEP.
oh re: postcards. THANK YOU for the adorable victorian children in the snow. I sent mine out this week so I hope some of you enjoy them!
I have a new job!!! Unfortunately it is a pay-cut and I didn’t even try to negotiate because I was so thrown off by the low ball number 🙁 but it’s in a grade school so I’m only working 168 days a year!!! I’ll have benefits now! And be able to have another child without having to take unpaid time off thanks to 2.5 months off for summer (I’m the sole income earner for our family-hear my womanly roar!). I am so excited for good health care
Fantastic news! Sorry you got low balled but yay benefits and free summers!
When you add the value of good health care, it might not be a pay cut. I remember what I paid for a single policy as a private individual. It was more than my rent.
You guys! I just want to say that while I lurk here, I think the Toast and all the Toasties are great. My favorite place on the internet.
My 30th birthday is next week and I’m celebrating this weekend. It’s going to be good times. But I’m also thinking about 30 a bit. Not worried about getting old or anything, but I have been more reflective lately and trying to get to my big goals in life and actually making them happen.
So another thing: 29 really sucked for me. Awful job, awful mental health, friends being jerks, lots of stuff. I kind of want to burn something to cast it all away, or similar! I’m thinking business cards and my name tag from my awful job. . .or maybe a calendar or something. Just mix up a drink, start a fire in my firepit, and let it all burn away. Any suggestions?
Well, at first I thought you said “start a fire in my armpit” so that was pretty funny.
I am SO happy I turned 30. 30 is way better than my 20’s.
If I were you, I would be inclined to write everything you want to leave behind on a piece of paper, and burn that. And your business card! And your name tag! And maybe a piece of clothing that symbolizes that past you want to leave behind. Just burn something! You will feel great!
And then, once you’ve put that behind you, maybe write on a piece of paper every positive thing you’ve got going on that you want to cultivate in the next decade, and draw flowers on that piece of paper or whatever, and put it in a frame or a journal or a little box to keep. I think a positive, constructive part of this kind of ceremony would really be my jam if I were going to do it.
ETA: I’m sorry 29 sucked so bad. Here’s to 30 being WAY BETTER!
I got two Toastcards this week! One from Alaska and one from Ohio — thanks ladyimogen and Rebecca, respectively! You guys are awesome. All of my postcards are now en route, or should be.
My mom is visiting this weekend and we’re doing the “visit all the Manhattan parks and museums” thing, so today we went to the Frick, where I could not stop thinking about Mallory’s takes on art history. Particularly this Gainsborough portrait: http://collections.frick.org/view/objects/asitem/… because the woman in it has the most perfect “Are you kidding me?” face ever, and also, I love that wig. Tomorrow we’re going to the Cloisters.
[ETA: goddammit, why won’t that link work?]
Limoncello is my favourite liqueur. I am way into neon yellow beverages.
I’m a little late tp the show BUT me and the dude are heading to Burlington VT this weekend, first time for both of us. Any suggestions for must see/do/eat/listen? We are into live music (jazz/blues/funky shit), good beer, good food, used book/vinyl/clothing stores. GO!
Go to Burlington Records! I found some great little stuff there last time I visited. There is also an excellent creperie – Skinny Pancake – that is right across from the aquarium and has delicious, delicious food.
And if you are into it at all do go to the Ben & Jerry’s Factory Tour. It is worthwhile AND you get to sample new ice creams!
Burlington is pretty much the only other place I could see myself living because it’s just a great little city. I hope you have fun!
I am at the Nine Worlds convention in London – my first con! – and it is great. I have been to panels talking about queer characters in Doctor Who and metaphor in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the Doctor as figure in a position of privilege with colonial undertones. I competed in a Whedon quiz and tomorrow will be going to a singalong (the many years of listening to Once More With Feeling on a loop will pay off at last). I have bought a hair ornament/fascinator with a Dalek on. It is all excellent.
I envy you your Dalek fascinator. I bet you look great in it.
I do! (I normally think I look pretty dull, but tried the fascinator on and kept looking in the mirror and thinking “this should be on my head all the time”, so bought it on impulse. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get up the nerve to wear it in future, but I love it.) Thank you.
Whoa, those panels sound amazing. Would love to hear more!
It is a WHOLE WEEK until I find out whether or not I got the job I interviewed for last week. A WHOLE WEEK. In the meantime, work is in a state of panic due to Massive Reorganization (which is promised not to reduce jobs, which no one believes) and the management has been bribing us with sugar all week long. I’m so hyped up I can barely type.
In other news, I mainlined Season 2 of In the Flesh on Tuesday night, and while I do have a few problems with it (mostly coming down to “not enough ladies, too many mans”) mostly I am just oh my precious undead babies.
hey so know what’s awesome is when you’ve had four interviews a writing sample a background check a credit check and lots of carefully composed (lined with panic and desperation) follow up emails with a place over four months and then they tell you they’re having a meeting on friday but let’s connect on friday because i’ll reach out to you with any updates and then it is 5 PM and all your emails were NOT from this job and white wine? white wine? that might wash away the whole what the fuck did I just do for the past two years oh cool $200 at the banana republic down the drain and yet no sobbing? that, friends, is awesome.
When I need income, I take the first job I can get. But if they have treated me this way, and so many do, I keep searching and leave them as soon as I can find an employer who *values* my time.
Ugh, that sucks. Here, I got you a glass of wine. *clink*
I trust those fuckers will come through with your job shortly, and also that another, way better and higher-paying and not-disrespectful job will show up in short order. So it shall be. The Secret decrees it so or whatever.
I just RSVP’ed to my very first bachelorette party (my younger brother’s getting married, oh god what the hell, and I’m a bridesmaid).
We’re going bowling.
I hope bowling is a precedent for the rest of the festivities to be informal and fun. Good luck!
After bowling, we are apparently bar-hopping until closing time. I’ve said I might punk out before closing time, because I’m old, and will have flown from VA to OH that day.
Also, this fits perfectly with my family. My brother was his fraternity Big’s best man; shortly before the wedding, he and a bunch of the other guys kidnapped Josh (the groom), and took him on a road trip to Indiana to hear the Dalai Lama speak.
I like your brother.
Yeah, I’m pretty fond of him. Even if he and his fiancee do tend to be publicly, schmoopily in love with each other all over Facebook.
I have no advice to give, but as a fellow "why can't we work together as professionals, which is what we are" devotee, you have all my sympathies.
<3<3<3
lol….same.
Too many feelings!!! It took me a month longer than it should have to finish the franchise just because I didn't want it to end. I understand. It's so much.
Yes, I did pretty much same — middle-road crush shep, paragon (only I just cannot do broshep, I can't, I have tried and I have failed), and now renegade. I did soldier, vanguard, then adept, and I'm excited to try infiltrator next – I hear she has amazing armour to the point where cover is kind of not required.
All of my friends swear by Depot Town Tattoo in Ypsi but I have no first hand experience (their tattoos are gorgeous though).
I've been thinking of this all weekend! (Not to the point of picking up and finishing ME3, but allllmost to the point of starting a new ME3 game with one of my other characters). I'm fascinated that we have similar character development patterns. I wonder how common that is? I find Mass Effect infographics like this one fascinating because they reflect such a different style of gaming than I do.
I feel you about BroShep. The voice acting isn't very good, and I think I would find a Renegade BroShep insufferable. What pleasure would there be in watching BroShep punch out Khalisah, for example? That would be horrible. But Paragon BroShep is, to me, hilarious. Once when I had a friend over, I walked BroShep around Illium to show my friend what the game looked like. I started calling him BroShep them without realizing that it was Internet Standard, because dude was just butting into conversations left and right. "Can I help?" "Is there anything I can do to help?" By choosing all Paragon options, he makes one asari lady cry, convinces another asari to give her krogan ex-boyfriend a chaaaaance, and tries to help an indentured lady quarian by buying her himself. He was like a Nice Guy ™ parody and it made us dissolve into fits of giggles!
Paragon BroShep romanced Miranda, btw, because of course he did. Not because she's genetically perfect, why would you think that; she has a really great personality, too, really. Nothing against Tali or Jack, he's just not attracted to aliens or bald girls. Look, you can't help who you're attracted to, okay? LOL BroShep.
Is anyone else watching BBC’s “The Fall” on netflix? It’s a really incredible (very feminist) detective show starring Gillian Anderson as the lead. Not the “sexy” lead. Not the “with her male partner” lead.
In fact, there are so many other women employed in various forensic-and-otherwise positions in this show that I thought I was dreaming. Several times, there are women talking about various aspects of the case–and to each other about various topics, no men included.
Stella Gibson (Anderson) is an almost film noir-esque lead in that she is stone-cold in control and obviously bothered by what is going on but won’t let her face show it.
This show makes so many points for feminism (including a very quick monologue about a man was cheating on his wife where a male investigator tells the “other woman,” “You should have asked if he was married,” and she replies cooly “That is his business to disclose” or something glorious of that nature).
In addition, despite being a show that has a lot of violence against women (they are trying to catch a killer, so, yeah) the show comes down unequivocally against it. Anderson is no-nonsense about it. There is no titillation on the part of the detectives– they react with disgust. “Another man trying to control women. It’s not art.” etc etc
Honestly, I would write more on the subject, but I’m speaking in voice to text speech right now into my computer because of carpal tunnel and can’t really type that much. But I think people on this site who like dark and well acted the detective/crime shows would really enjoy this one. It sounds like something I would make up in my dreams, except it exists.
Apologies in advance for any weird speech to text typos.
Okay, honestly I’m just in a post the whole write-up in the hopes that someone sees this and watches the show so I’ve someone to talk to about it.
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BBC’s The Fall on Netflix- a wholehearted rec for a solemn and feminist show
Is anyone else watching BBC’s “The Fall” on netflix? It’s a really incredible (very feminist) detective show starring Gillian Anderson as the lead. Not the “sexy” lead. Not the “with her male partner” lead.
In fact, there are so many other women employed in various forensic-and-otherwise positions in this show that I thought I was dreaming. Several times, there are women talking about various aspects of the case—and to each other about various topics, no men included.
Stella Gibson (Anderson) is an almost film noir-esque lead in that she is stone-cold in control and obviously bothered by what is going on but won’t let her face show it. She acts in micro-expressions and posture. It is very effective, especially with the way she interacts with the other characters in the show.
This show makes so many points for feminism (including a very quick monologue about a man was cheating on his wife where a male investigator tells the “other woman,” “You should have asked if he was married,” and she replies cooly “That is his business to disclose” or something glorious of that nature).
In addition, despite being a show that has a lot of violence against women (they are trying to catch the killer) the show comes down unequivocally against it. With the exception of a first-episode slip-up of “ethereal dead girl syndrome”, the show afterwords takes a very grim and non-sexy approach to it. (This may sound silly, but think about how many naked made-up artfully-bloodied dead girls that get shown in most crime shows.)
Anderson is no-nonsense about it. There is no titillation on the part of the detectives— they react with disgust. “Another man trying to control women. It’s not art.” etc etc
And this doesn’t even touch on the acting in the show, which is phenomenal. I found myself captivated even buy a lot of the side stories happening around the main subject.
I like that the actors look like people. I like that there are people of different sizes and ages. The women working with Stella Gibson are of an appropriate age– no early-20s hollywood-cheerleader-seasoned-detectives here. There is very little Hollywood-izing people’s appearances for the most part, and it makes the story even more immersive for me. (It isa very white show though, and takes place in Belfast. I am not sure what the demographic of Belfast is, or how accurate this is.)
It is an appropriately solemn show considering the subject matter. It is not a glib show by any means. There is a lot of death, and it is NOT taken lightly. This is not a show to watch to unwind—this is a show to watch a story unfold.
Honestly, I would write more on the subject, but I’m speaking in voice to text speech right now into my computer because of carpal tunnel and can’t really type that much. But I think people who like dark and well acted the detective/crime shows would really enjoy this one. It sounds like something I would make up in my dreams, except it exists.
If you like Bedelia in Hannibal, this is Bedelia, but MORE so. Stella Gibson is a dark and interesting character and the lead I have been waiting for for years.