How has no one ever told The Bartender about slow cookers? Did you enjoy me slaving away at the stove for hours, checking for burns, seeing splatters decorate my kitchen quite unpleasantly while food “simmered”??? Today, in addition to talking about dogs, cat, horses, awesome weeks, best movies ever, and other open thread-y things, please share crock pot recipes for most-delicious-no-effort-food. Thank you!!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
Let’s have a long weekend book thread. What are you reading? I am reading All The Light We Cannot See and it is stupendous thus far. Oh god, I have been reading it at my desk at work because a) it’s so slow but B) and more importantly IT’S SO AMAZING. What a jewel of a book.
This week I finished The Book of Negroes, which was also excellent, and I can feel all satisfied for reading Literature after it won all those awards. I think up next on my list is Still Missing which I picked up on a whim at the library, and Outlander, for the first time.
Also I’m listening to the Little House books on audio in my car, which is excellent thus far. Which Toastie recommended that??? It’s excellent and I can’t thank you enough!
All my reading felt HEAVY this summer so I picked up the Wheel of Time books again starting with the fourth one and I can see myself reading them right through again. (Skipping 8,9 and 10, of course, and just reading the re-reads on tor.com. I’m not that much of a masochist).
Little House books on audio sounds amazing. Next time I have to drive North by myself I’ll buy one.
I have to read Natchez Burning for book club before the 16th and then the next one we’re doing is Outlander, yay!
In addition to continuing to slowly make my way through all the books ever written about WWI I decided I needed to do a bit of rereading for a change. For a while I was rereading all of the Diana Wynne Jones canon, but now I’m rereading Sense and Sensibility.
S&S is my least favorite Austen novel, but I’m finding that I’m really enjoying it the second time around! The first time I read it in college I remember feeling sorry for Marianne ending up with that old geezer Colonel Brandon, but he’s only 35! Jesus I thought he was at least 50 or something! I guess I have more in common with Marianne than I thought…
Hmm, Mansfield Park is by far my least favorite Austen novel, but your comment on S&S encourages me to read it again.
Also, if Colonel Brandon looks like Alan Rickman (or David Morrissey in the newer BBC version), there is no need to feel sorry for Marianne.
Well yeah, but the books are a bit less romantic than the movies in general. I mean, it’s kind of grim for every Austen heroine except Emma. Austen does tend to wrap up her romantic plots in like a sentence. Nothing is worse than the ending of Mansfield Park when she’s like, “Edmund finally falls in love with Fanny in exactly the right amount of time. The End.” Ugh, Edmund. Mansfield Park used to be my least favorite, until I realized Fanny wasn’t the problem. Edmund is! What a tool!
Mary Crawford appreciation post.
Ohhh what WWI are you reading/did you enjoy the most?
I think my favorite recent WWI book was Christopher Clark’s The Sleepwalkers. Made me question some of my notions about WWi. Definitely learned a lot more about Serbian politics.
I think my all time favorite is actually fiction though, Regeneration by Pat Barker.
Awesome, thanks!
Oh, I am reading The Sleepwalkers! It’s slow going (names, people, politics), but super interesting!
The Pat Barker WWI books are so good!
Ooooh, Pat Barker’s WWI trilogy?
I think P&P is really the only Austen that is accessible for the ladies not yet supporting themselves independently. I read Sense and Sensibility right after I fell in OMG OMG LOVE with P&P at 16 and was like ?????? and then I reread it at 25 and very much enjoyed it. This is how I justify putting off reading Northanger Abbey and such.
I am reading Children of the Arbat by Anatoly Rybabov as the beginning of my fall/winter of Russian reading. I wasn’t into the book until at least 100 pages in but now that I’m up over 300 I can’t put it down. Russians!
BTW, if any of you are goodreads people I am also highjump on goodreads.
Really? I can see it with S&S and Mansfield Park and Persuasion, but Emma (which is perhaps my least favourite) seems relevant, and Northanger Abbey seems perfect for that point in which one has emerged from one’s first early-teens fandom obsessions. Tell me more?
It is just a theory I’ve been musing over. Anecdata, but I’ve had a number of friends and family tell me that they only really enjoyed various Austens (S&S and Persuasion are most cited) after revisiting them firmly into adulthood (first having read them as very young adults or teens). But I haven’t read Northanger Abbey – hopefully I didn’t miss my ideal window! I think book timing is pretty interesting, which is part of how I justify holding onto almost all of my books and doing a lot of rereading. I loved Gone With The Wind at 15 and at 25 but for totally different reasons.
Yes, this is true for me as well. I HATED S&S the first time, and thought Persuasion was meh (I was probably 14/15) and then reread them at something like 21/22 and liked them a lot better. For S&S I realized that the problem was I lacked the ability to properly appreciate Elinor as a teenager, and actually the same is true of Anne in Persuasion. They are both wonderful women, but not in the way teenage girls tend to think women can and should be wonderful.
If you do read Northanger Abbey, follow that up with the Felicity Jones/JJ Feild adaptation. It is adorable.
I get more out of Austen now that I’m older, but I still loved them all (except for Mansfield Park, which, meh) when I was in my teens.
When I was in my teens I didn’t get how funny Northanger Abbey is (so funny!). Also, I realize now that Mr. Bennett is the true villain of Pride and Prejudice, and I give Marianne’s sufferings in S&S a bit of a side-eye. My feelings on Persuasion and Emma haven’t changed much.
I think, read Austen all the time, at all ages.
I think part of it for me and my peer group is that as working class Midwestern teens and young adults there was sooooo much context I did not get until I took my first European history class in college. There were some interactions and historical/political references that just did not make sense to me in Austen. That plus the wisdom of having been through a few relationships, having had a boss, knowing more and different kinds of people, and so on took books like S&S and Persuasion from “wait, what?” to utterly enjoyable.
But in general yes all Austen all the time especially now that kids these days can google things and ask siri and whatever else they do.
I’m definitely in the camp that loved P&P as a teen but was meh on S&S, then liked it much more when I was older. I actually think the Emma Thompson movie contributed a lot to my appreciation of S&S, which is probably one of the few times a movie has done that for a book for me.
I’ve been randomly dipping into Persuasion recently because it’s on my phone, and I am suddenly outraged that we all lived through the 2000s and never started saying “the year six” and the “the year eight.” I feel like we could have pulled it off if we put our minds to it.
Not too late to start saying “the year fourteen,” tho!
YAY Diana Wynne Jones! I’ve loved her since I was a kid and I reread her books whenever I need a good comfort read. Since I move often I try not to buy too many books but I am slowly building a collection of all of her works.
Austen related! I went to the Edinburgh Festival last week and saw the improv troupe Austentatious. So, as you queue up you write down a fake book title and put it in the basket as you go in. Then, one of them comes out dressed as an Austen scholar and talks a bit about her [one of the lines is ‘the author of the famous work Northanger Abbey, and some other minor novels’ JOKES] and then he picks out two names from the basket – they always make jokes about how they can’t perform these two unpublished works because of [funny reasons] and then he picks the third one and they perform it – ie they perform an hilarious, totally improvised, Austen novel/play based on the fake title.
So, they discarded ‘The Fake Mango’ (‘the mango did not reach England’s shores until 90 years after Austen’s death and she herself never left England, so the mango of the title is actually a horrific beast and we don’t have the props to perform it’) and ‘Ignorance and Innocence’ (‘it’s just two really simple people having really basic adventures’) and the one he chose was… ‘Darcy, 007’, so they did a really, really funny spy type play where Darcy was terribly good-looking and a spy, and Jane Bennett got recruited into MI5 as well.
BUT I was still sad they didn’t pick my fake novel title: Aust-en Space. Rhymes with Lost in Space! SF Jane Austen! How awesome would that have been.
Holy Crap, that would’ve been good. This comment made my day 🙂
That sounds amazing, but I wish they’d picked yours! I would totally watch an Austen/Sci-fi mash-up!
Ooh Little House audiobooks! That sounds fantastic. Mostly I am excited for the Jack Reacher book, which arrives in my hands on Tuesday. It is pure fluff and exactly what I want right now.
My dad and I traded – he read Code Name Verity, and I read a Jack Reacher book. We both got hooked.
I love them so much, they are so silly and ridiculous and pretty sexist, but also just like candy.
I’m finishing up Dogtown: Death and Enchantment in a New England Ghost Town by Elyssa East, which is… OK? I definitely have some issues with the way the author structured the book – it’s very disjointed at times. Only cost $2 at a used bookstore, though, so I can’t really complain.
Once I’m done with that, though, I’ll probably read vol 3 of Saga and then… something else! Ordered A Fine and Private Place from the library, so hopefully that comes in soon.
I’m starting on vol 1 of Saga this weekend! I’m excited after hearing so many good things about it.
oooh I’m excited for you! it’s so, so good.
I just started The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms on the metro this morning–I’m liking it so far (all, y’know, 30 pages that I’ve read), but it definitely won’t get me through the full weekend. Odds are 50/50 whether I’ll use the long weekend to make a dent in the books I already own or just go to a used book sale and buy mountains more books. I was going to buy mountains of books at Barnes and Noble yesterday, but they had barely any of the books I was looking for…
I am reading a bunch of Marvel comics written by Matt Fraction (Hawkeye and Invincible Iron Man) as well as Backstory, David Mitchell’s memoir, because I love Peep Show like burning. I’m also trying to finish a Terry Pratchett book as well as The Rape of Europa which is about Nazi art theft/destruction during WW2. It’s fascinating and very well-researched, but it’s hard to get myself to focus on such serious stuff when I could be reading comics instead.
I just finished Zlata’s Diary, which was especially harrowing because I’m Eastern-European and I kept thinking “Wow, if I/my parents had been born a few hundred km west instead, we could have died in the Yugoslav wars.” It’s so weird to ponder all these little twists of fate, all the little things that had to happen to make your life what it is, and how different everything would be if just one thing hadn’t taken place. Sorry, I have no clue if this makes any sense.
Oh it makes a lot of sense to me, there is a lot of good art about that and it is very interesting to think about.
I have a lot of reading lined up for the weekend!
I’m in the middle of a graphic novel/comics phase right now, so I have one of those going along with other books. I’m finishing The Property by Rutu Modan and it’s very good. Probably going to start Saga next since I’ve been hearing good things and I picked up the first book/volume/whatever recently.
Also nearly done with The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis which I love.
I went library crazy last week so I have a ton of new books and I can’t decide which one to start with. I got the new Siri Hustvedt which sounds really good. I also picked up Hild which I’ve been excited about since its release but haven’t had the chance to get around to yet. Then about 8 others, too.
Library accidents! We should form a club!
(We have like um 30? 40? library books out right now…)
Library accidents have gotten worse for me since I just got a library card for the neighboring county’s library (I’m right on the border). So now I have two huge stacks of books, one from each county. I feel like I need flowcharts for which books in which stacks are due first. So far I haven’t managed to mix the books up by returning them to the wrong county, but I’m sure that day is coming.
I have SO many library accidents! I try to maintain a healthy 20-30 items at once, because it feels like I’m spiralling out of control once I get into 30+ items (which includes cds and dvds). One of my colleagues put this book hoarding habit perfectly: it’s like legalized kleptomania.
Yes, that is a great phrase for it!
For us it is like shopping, if we are stressed and we would go do retail therapy instead we go to the library. There is something very soothing about gathering large quantities of books. 🙂
We moved a few years ago just about 20 miles south, but we were driving up to our old town 4 days a week because my daughter’s preschool was up there. So we kept our old library card AND got a new one, and it was kind of crazy balancing both libraries. Now that she has started kindergarten and we are not driving up there I am trying hard to get all those books back to that library — and then meanwhile there is ANOTHER local library (a gorgeous one) which had some things the one right by my house doesn’t have, so we went and got a 3rd card. Which means right now there are 100 books for us & the kids out between *three* libraries. It is kind of crazy and overwhelming and I am looking forward to getting it sorted out.
This is part of why we have a spreadsheet for our reading, it lets us keep track of where the books are coming from and when they are due. Although that does not help keep track of the actual physical books!
Reading spreadsheet!!!!!! That’s such a good idea.
wait there are two local libraries and you need different cards for them? I am so confused by this system.
Library accidents are why I became a devoted non-finisher of books. When I have way more than I can read and they can’t be renewed you bet I’m saving my time for the books that I actually enjoy a lot!
I just finished Karen Russell’s short story collection Vampires in the Lemon Grove, and if you like pseudo-fabulist/magic realist works (and who doesn’t), it’s FANTASTIC.
Now I’m reading All the Birds Singing by Evie Wyld, and so far it’s pretty good too.
I’m re-listening to the Parasol Protectorate series by Gail Carriger, which is fluffy, smart and sassy, and perfectly suited to taking one’s mind off one’s troubles.
I’m still reading the Lynn Sherr Sally Ride bio but I interrupted that to read Diana Peterfreund’s Ivy League series (it’s about a secret society and they are super-fun & quick-to-read). Hoping to get started on Gretchen Rubin’s Happier at Home this weekend.
I am so happy you named this series, because I’m about to be at the beach and need to stock up on some books. This sounds IDEAL. Fingers crossed the library has it!
I am reading I am Mary Sutter which I’m kind of disappointed by because it’s a wonderfully atmospheric book, but the character interactions are just kind of weird and off and not in a good way. I normally have one regular book and one romance novel going at the same time but unfortunately my romance novel (Why Dukes Say I Do) is also kind of disappointing.
I don’t know what I’m going to read for my next non-romance book. Maybe I will finish the Battleborn which I started then stopped a few months ago for no good reason. My next romance novel is definitely going to be catching up on my Courtney Milan.
I heard about I Am Mary Sutter and I’m disappointed to hear that! I was sort-of planning on reading it, but it sounds like of….eh. That is too bad!
It might be a personal thing! I am reading it for a book club, and I would not at all be surprised if I’m in a minority on it. I feel like she did really well on the sister and mother/daughter relationships and characters, but the male/female interactions are just odd, as almost every man who comes into contact with Mary is immediately head over heels for her. Like, at one point she talks to a minor character about some administrative stuff for about 5 minutes, leaves, and then the scene ends with him watching her walk away out the window and thinking “wow! What a woman!”
I just started rereading Stephen King’s IT for the first time in maybe 15 years? I’m basically always reading horror anyway, but the weather starting to turn already has me in the mood for fall weather and grey skies and everything just seeming a little more eerie.
I read All the Light We Cannot See a couple of months ago, and then promptly passed it on to my mother, who really loved it. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!
I blew through Dear Committee Members last night, so I’m currently at that delicious moment, where I’m contemplating what I’ll read next — I’m mid-The Prague Orgy, but that’s only about 80 pages, so I’ll finish it quickly.
I am reading a book called Moorish Spain; it is about the history of Al-Andalus, the Arab/Muslim/Berber dominated portion of Spain. It is pretty dry, as an academic book, but pretty interesting in that my European history class sort of didn’t make it clear that portions of Spain were for all intents and purposes North African for seven hundred years! That is longer than there have been white people in America, but for whatever reason we only ever talk about Europe as being a heterogenously white continent for all of the middle ages!
This maybe reminds me to go back and finish those books about China that I bought when I realized my entire education about Chinese history could be summed up with a single 8th grade chalkboard slide about the Mandate of Heaven.
The thing that I always thought was interesting about the Mandate of Heaven is how it’s kind of the opposite of the western notion of the Divine Right of Kings — instead of saying, “Oh, well, if the guy’s there it must be because God wants him there, and so everything he does is right,” the tradition of the Mandate is, “well, if the guy’s not doing the right things, it must be because God doesn’t want him there.”
Yes!
One of the many many things we are reading right now is the Romance of the Three Kingdoms and there is a lot of very interesting talk towards the beginning about the Mandate of Heaven… because if your peasant rebellion succeeds, clearly Heaven wanted it to!
THE DEVIL IN THE WHITE CITY AHHH
I’m reading through all the old Poirot mysteries again. Right now it’s Evil Under the Sun, which seems appropriate as I’m at the beach at Cape Cod for the weekend.
However, I finally read the Intro to Bad Feminist, and found out that the 6th Amulet book just came out, so I think I’ll be running off to the local bookstore later to find those two.
Oooh! Poirot! I just listened to the Murder of Roger Ackroyd on a long road trip with someone who’d never read it before. It was so hard to keep my mouth shut and not spoil anything! But Poirot is just so comforting to me for some reason.
Evil Under the Sun is my favourite Poirot book. I don’t know how many times I have read it, but it’s a go-to read when I am sick/bored/otherwise at loose ends. Also, Cat Among the Pigeons.
AHHH I’ve been reading Bad Feminist on my commute and well into the night after work for the past three days. I AM EXHAUSTED but oh my god it is so, so good.
I’ve been reading Bad Feminist in bits and pieces all week, I’m gonna finish it this weekend, so excited!!!
I mentioned the Little House audiobooks in an old thread! I haven’t gotten around to listening to them, though. Is Pa’s fiddle everything you thought it would be?
YES IT IS THANK YOU SO MUCH
Just bought the new Elena Ferrante! It took me a little time to fall into the first one, but the second was fantastic. In the words of John Waters, “Best angry woman writer EVER.”
I read the first 4 books of the Dune series and I just… don’t know, guys. I love, love the world that Herbert built but then he doesn’t really do anything with it? It seems like the coolest things happen way in the background, and his characters are wildly different from scene to scene in service of the plot. And how can someone who is 3500 years old act like such a teenager? I will probably finish at least the last one that Frank Herbert wrote and I have been enjoying talking about it with my boyfriend but some of it is real silly.
I am re-reading To Say Nothing of the Dog (as a result of a twitter book discussion a little while back) and (slowly) reading Piketty’s Capital. I have Life After Life (Kate Atkinson) and A Tale for the Time Being (Ruth Ozeki), which my bestest youngest sister gave me for my birthday, waiting.
Life After Life is great, but more of a cold-weather book — happy almost-fall reading!
Darkness fell.
Life after life is so so so good! I really enjoyed it. Also I just got an email saying it’s my turn to borrow the A Tale for the Time Being audiobook from the library so I’m excited to start that!
To Say Nothing of the Dog is an AMAZING book. I love it so much. I am an evangelist for this book.
I’m reading Stevie Cameron’s On The Farm about Robert Picton and while it’s very well written, I want to SET EVERYTHING ON FIRE because those women were human beings and citizens but as one of their relatives said, if you disappeared in a 10-block section of Downtown Eastside, the police would just not file a report.
And our prime minister just recently said the murder of Tina Fontaine, a 15-year old girl, “should not be viewed as a sociological phenomenon, but as a crime”, when aboriginal women make up 16 percent of homicide victims and 11 percent of missing women despite being only 4% of the population. Even other conservatives are all WTF dude?
Also reading the book about Flight 232 which someone here recommended some time ago; clearly afterwards I need to go read about fluffy bunnies (NOT WATERSHIP DOWN).
Oh God, I could fill pages with my anger at Harper over that. Like, I live on the Highway of Tears and I daily have to drive by billboards warning aboriginal women that they’re going to die if they hitchike, interspersed with billboards offering rewards for information about missing women and young aboriginal men and how dare he claim there isn’t a pattern here? That all these women and girls are just isolated incidents then brushing off hundreds of aboriginal youth who hiked over a thousand kilometers in the middle of winter to meet with him because he has to go see some fucking pandas?
The letters section in my local paper is driving me nuts right now, because it’s full of things like, “First Nations people just need to get themselves right with God and family values and pull themselves up by their bootstraps, then hundreds of years of institutionalized racism CONTINUING INTO TODAY will just magically go poof!”
Gah.
I just read Kate Atkinson’s Life After Life, which I almost gave up on but then wound up really liking.
Two of my library holds became available at the same time: Cuckoo’s Calling, and the first volume of Knausgaard’s My Struggle (which ugh, that title – just checking it out made me feel weird even though I assume the library dude knows what’s up). Hmm, which of those books is better suited to a long holiday weekend?
I’m reading Outlander, and listening to Landline for book club. I’m close to done with it, but the main dude is so irritating it’s hard to finish. The writing is wonderful and really dead-on about relationships, but ugh, Neal. After that, I plan to start Bad Feminist.
I read the latest Courtney Milan novella yesterday- Talk Sweetly to Me- a biracial Victorian romance and the heroine is a mathematical/astronomical genius. I really loved it, but I’ve loved everything in this series (The Brothers Sinister, and all the heroines are smart and sharp and own it, and all the men are just grateful to be in their orbit). The hero writes a satirical Ask a Man advice column for a feminist newspaper (the publisher of the paper is the heroine of the previous story). Anyway, it was only 99 cents!
Also, I read an old paperback copy of The Privilege of the Sword, which was sort of a YA-ish fantasy and I just glommed on it like mad. It had a young heroine who went from wanting to get married well to engaging in sword fights to defend the honor of other young ladies whose families were misogynistic asshats. It’s exactly the type of book I would have read in the hallways at school between classes, and kept reading under my desk instead of paying attention to class.
Has anyone else read these? Or other Courtney Milan books? Or other romances? My bookclub hasn’t met in ages and I am desperate to talk about books!
I just bought #1 in that Courtney Milan series last night – I’ve never read her, so I’m glad you liked it!
Ooh, come back and let me know what you think!
I liked it so much, I also ripped through The Governess Affair and A Kiss for Midwinter, and am now deep in The Heiress Effect. I am a sucker for historical romance series.
Privilege of the Sword is great! I should haul that out and re-read. As I recall, it’s a semi-sequel to Swordspoint and The Fall of The Kings, about her uncle and his fella.
Yes, I think so! Going to see if those show up in the used book section, but I’m afraid I will love them less because they are not about girls learning to be sword fighters.
I like Swordspoint a lot, although I think Privelege is my favourite. Fall of the Kings is set a while after Privelege and I found it odd. If you like audiobooks, there are really great audio versions, which are somewhere between narrated and full cast.
If you read Swordspoint (or if you already care about Richard & Alec), this story is set after Privelege and is beautiful and sad: http://www.tor.com/stories/2010/12/the-man-with-t…
I am reading it right now and I can’t even handle it. SAD!
Oooh, I love Courtney Milan. Great characterization and sense of the historical setting. If you like her, you might also like Grace Burrowes. Burrowes does Regency, but her H/h are equally appealing.
Yes! I read The Captive by Burrowes recently, too- have you read that one?
Also, the author created a tumblr advice column for the hero of Talk Sweetly to Me. It’s pretty cute AND I learned about more amazing sounding books. http://ask-a-man.tumblr.com/
I have not read Privilege of the Sword but I read Kushner’s first two novels waaaaaaaaaay back in the 90s and oh I loved them, especially Swordspoint which is (I think) set in the same world but later on in time. It was one of the first books we read with non-straight men in it (there are awesome messed up bisexual guys) and just oh wow.
I am not sure why I haven’t read her more recent books but I should do that!
Yes! One of those awesome messed up bisexual guys is the heroine’s uncle, her sexual awakening comes from watching two women kiss, and her first real experience is with a guy, and everyone speculates “oh maybe these girls are in love!” like no big deal. It was so refreshing!
Courtney Milan fangirl, reporting for squeeing duty. Though I haven’t yet read Talk Sweetly to Me–I love her novels, but her novellas have been a mixed bag for me, but I suspect TSTM will be one of the good ones (because MATH). I can’t decide on my favorites from this series (maybe that’s why I’m procrastinating reading TSTM, I don’t want to choose), but I’ve loved the goals that her heroines set for themselves, I love the friendships between women depicted, and I love the line about sisters from The Governess Affair: “Perhaps God gave one sisters to teach one to love the inexplicable.” Also I love how dorky Robert has remained throughout the series.
Oh yes, Robert during Free’s book just gave me all kinds of warm fuzzies. I think his story and Free’s have been my favorites, with Free inching ahead. I love the way she appeared in Oliver’s story, although I am still rather annoyed at Oliver himself and think he got a better ending than he really deserved.
Talk Sweetly to Me had a similar feel to The Suffragette Scandal, in that the men really recognize the brilliance and amazingness of the heroines at the start, and keep on recognizing it over and over.
Ooh there’s a new one?! I like some better than others, but overall they are excellent. I loved the one with the reproductive health plotline – with the doctor.
Yes! It came out last week. Stephen Shaughnessy, Actual Man, from The Suffragette Scandal, is the love interest. I loved the doctor one, too- A Kiss for Midwinter?
Privilege of the Sword is a comfort reread for me. What I really want for an even better comfort reread is the book inside the book. Find me a copy of The Swordsman Whose Name Is Not Death, which is the book, and play, all the girls in Privilege adore, and tell me all about Stella and Tyrian and the hunting cats and everything. The play is even better because Tyrian is played by a woman in drag, like this. I mean, wouldn’t you watch them together forever?
AH! Amazing Cheap Books was in Astoria on Tuesday, and I bought THREE vampire books (one is called “Vampires, Burials and Death”!!!!!), ONE giant book on ghosts, a book about the BTK strangler, and The Happiness Project, all for fifteen bucks! It was, as advertised, AMAZING.
My dad bought the first Outlander book, which he is going to let me borrow once he is done re-reading it.
Me and misandrist pup, all weekend:
I could look at that gif all day. Perfection.
I’m reading an anthology of writings about amnesia. It’s pretty interesting!
More information? I am curious!
I am reading so many things that I think writing it all out is going to overwhelm me but. Still working through Middlemarch which continues to be glorious especially when it’s centered on Dorothea and I have never been married but I think George Eliot must be the writer who best understands what it is like to come to live with and know another human.
I’m reading my way through everything YA marvel E Lockhart has published so far (the best one is The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks) and I have one on deck for when I finish The Middlesteins which I REALLY don’t know about.
I’m juggling a bunch of comics because I allow myself an issue as a reward for various things (and it is the only place where I make an exception of my no male writers rule because I have only just gotten into comics and haven’t hit fatigue with male writers here yet). Currently reading the first Hawkeye trade paperback before I probably give it to my nephew for his birthday.
I finished A Visit from the Goon Squad last night. Absolutely loved it. Now I’m moving to Rainbow Rowell’s Attachments, Dave Eggers’ The Circle, and the Magicians trilogy. I get the feeling Eggers is going to be an “I’m trying for a hundred pages before giving up” situation.
My book club meets on Tuesday and we’re reading the Circle and I’ve been putting off reading it and now I have to try to read it this weekend. Ugh.
I did not love Visit from the Goon Squad, but it was good. Really interesting book.
Goon Squad was such a fun read. The PowerPoint chapter was amazing. The last story set in the future was a bit of a dud, but the number of good versus weak stories was higher than most and I loved how the whole cast of characters kept interlocking.
I’m verrrrry slowly making my way through Bad Feminist, which is brilliant and wonderful but feels like it deserves more attention than I can give it during my commute.
I also just read Isla and the Happily Ever After, because I’m a sucker for YA romances. Has anyone else read that series? I loved the first two, but for some reason I just wasn’t feeling this one.
Oh I love the Stephanie Perkins books! Lola is definitely my favorite, but I like both of the others too. I read Isla on an airplane which is basically the perfect setting for those. I thought it was super swoony and adorable!
They’re so sweet and lovely! Lola is my favorite too, but I might be biased since I live in San Francisco.
Something about Isla didn’t click with me–maybe I read it too fast? Obviously I’ll just have to read them all again 🙂
hey I’m in SF too!!
Well, obviously we should be friends!
yes! are you on the twitters? I’m @lizbizfizz
Sort of? I’m @teresamackado, but I’ve never actually tweeted!
THIS SERIES
Anna and the French Kiss brings me unspeakable joy every time I read it (which is a lot of times), and I have always read these books immediately in one sitting after picking them up, and I met Stephanie Perkins one time and I was wearing a Firefly shirt and she complimented me on the Firefly shirt.
Anyway.
Isla didn’t click for me the same way Anna and the French Kiss did, but then I realized after the book that this might be because Isla is… a bit too much like me? Introverted, intelligent, loves books about adventure yet is at the same time deathly afraid of adventure, spends too much time thinking and not enough time doing, aaaaand has a bit of a self-esteem problem.
So I was mentally criticizing Isla throughout the book, and then I realized that this might have something to do with how I constantly criticize myself and put myself down. So this book gave me lots of Deep Introspection, which is good! But I have no idea how that reflects on it as a book.
You know, I think this is exactly the problem that I had with Isla. I find that I often have a hard time with characters that are very similar to me…not sure what that means, but I’ll have to keep that in mind if I do get around to rereading.
Plus, I’m going to be honest: Josh is just not as attractive to me as St. Clair or Cricket. Unapologetically shallow, that’s me.
Yeah, I made myself sound deeply reflective and contemplative up there, but honestly I think St. Clair is by far the most attractive of the three men, and Josh didn’t really speak to me. So that could be the only reason.
I’m alternating Bad Feminist (which I am reading slowly and savoring, even though it’s so hard not to power through) with the Outlander series, which I am powering through at surprising speed. I’m finding there’s a lot of questionable stuff but somehow it’s not enough to stop me from devouring them.
‘a lot of questionable stuff but somehow it’s not enough to stop me from devouring them.’
Yuuuup. I try to wish away the unreasonable stuff sometimes but love the books despite it.
I am currently in the middle of the fourth Song of Ice and Fire book (Feast for Crows); hoping to finish this weekend, both for my own sake and because I fear that if I don’t, my coworker who has already finished will explode from trying to keep from spoiling me.
We are as always reading so many things that we need a spreadsheet to keep track of them! Fortunately we have a colour-coded one. 🙂
I myself am rereading Fruits Basket which is one of my favourite manga series because it is deceptively light-hearted and cute at first and then WHAM oh no actually it is about dysfunctional abusive family relationships and the way that entire families conspire to perpetuate them while thinking they are just doing their best for their children.
Some people are reading the Romance of the Three Kingdoms both the novel and a manga of the novel at the same time because seeing pictures of the characters really helps keeping them apart, especially since people keep dying and new people keep showing up. 🙂
Cassandra is reading everything about Rupert Brooke that she can find, which is very nice for her but wow it is a lot of books and takes up a lot of time and most of them are very boring.
And then finally we are reading John le Carré’s second novel, A Murder of Quality, which is very good so far, and the first one was good too. They have all the problems of being from the 60s like casual misogyny and stuff, but at least it is casual instead of deliberate and there is a female lead character which is a nice surprise. And I like what he does with words.
I just finished Orkney, by Amy Sackville last week and loved it. It was definitely haunting and my feelings changed for the narrator as the story progressed. It’s about a 60 year old professor who marries his 21 year old pupil, and they go to Orkney for their honeymoon. It plays with selkie legends and the characterization of the professor is so spot on: it totally reminded me of when a certain infamous male professor/writer/feminist dated my best friend when she was 18 and he was pushing 40. Sackville hits the deluded older male professor ego mark right on the head, and I literally LOLed at how ridiculous/sadly accurate this character was. Highly recommended!
I just started Dark Matter, by Michelle Paver, and so far, so good. It says on the cover it’s a ghost story, so that’s enough for me to pick it up.
I just got the audiobook of The Secret Diary of Lizzie Bennett. Apparently it’s Lizzie’s private diary entries that she made while doing the Lizzie Bennett Diaries videoblog and slots in between the videos. And is of course narrated by Ashley Clements. I haven’t started it yet, but am excited :-)!
Oooh, I had no idea there was an audiobook, thank you. Best series.
Do you have thoughts about Emma Approved? I have lots of feelings and no one I know has watched it!!
No, I watched the first 15 or so videos in one sitting a while ago, found them equal parts entertaining and irritating, and never got around to the rest. Would you recommend?
Now up to Lizzie’s visit to Charlotte (about half way through) and really enjoying it. The first couple of chapters were a bit slow, but since then it’s been great, and I might have to go back and watch the videos again. I really like how they’ve made Mrs Bennett a lot more sympathetic and understandable. Lydia too, but the videos did a lot of that. And oh, Lizzie and Darcy dancing at the party and he’s so sweet but awkward and Lizzie why can’t you see he likes you…?!
I’m about 1/3 through Vera Brittain’s ‘Testament of Youth’ and it’s already breaking my heart. No one has died yet but Vera’s writing makes her brother and fiance and friends so real and likeable and beloved that I almost don’t want to read on, knowing that they do die. Aside from that, it’s a fascinating look at WWI from the perspective of a young British woman.
I love these book threads, so many great additions to my reading list – including ‘Testament of Youth’ – have come from them!
Love that book, it is so nice to hear you are enjoying it! If you are up for it after reading it, they published the letters the boys wrote to her during the war, they are really something.
If you mean ‘Letters From a Lost Generation’, it’s definitely on my list! I already own three or four books that are collections of letters and I suspect I’ll be adding this one in the not-too-distant future.
I just finished ‘Where’d You Go, Bernadette?’ which was delightful.
Also, ‘Lobster Kings’ which was much better than I expected it to be, the main character is a woman taking over the family lobster fishing business but it’s so much more than that, it’s a book about history and art and family and I just loved it to bits. Will probably buy and reread.
I accidentally read two books in a row about horrible accidents befalling astronauts and now I’m terrified of space. They were super different and both excellent in their own way. The Martian is a straight up adventure story with lots of science that may or may not actually make sense. The Explorer(s?) is terrifying and strange and involves confusion and suspense and maybe sorta time travel? Both books I read until my bathtub got cold.
Currently I’m jumping to brain candy books as I am a ball of fatigue and stress and just need to relax. So sci-fi and fantasy fluff. Mercedes Lackey figures prominently.
I’m reading Orlando. I’m halfway through and still wondering why I had not heard about this book before? Particularly, why didn’t my awesome high school English teacher who knew me as a teen girl trying to be androgynous (boobs failed me) and was very aware of how much I adored Woolf tell me about this? Instead, she suggested To the Lighthouse.
I’m reading Serena by Ron Rash. Set in the Depression-era North Carolina centered around landowners trying to keep their land from being seized by the government to for a new national park. The title character is an awesome creation who may just be the worst human being ever. They’re making a movie out of it with Bradley Cooper (cool) and Jennifer Lawrence (who I adore but is about ten to fifteen years too young for the part and far too attractive given the book’s descriptions of said title character). Highly recommended.
After that I have An Evening Of Long Goodbyes on my shelf that I really want to read as I flat out loved Skippy Dies by the same author.
I am also currently reading All The Light We Cannot See and I wish I could read it at my desk right now. It’s great! Can we talk about it???
OMG OMG OMG I JUST FINISHED IT. Holy crap. So intense. I cried like an absolute child. What an incredible jewel (pun intended) of a book, and what marvelous characters. How far into it are you?????
Like literally, I just put it away and went to find this comment because OH GOD.
GREAT because I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. finishing it. SO MANY TEARS. I love how he ended it (I was hoping things would end differently for Werner, but everything made sense for the characters). I love love Marie-Laure’s post-WWII life path. And I want one of her dad’s puzzle boxes. I didn’t think it would grab me as much as it did! The writing, pacing and characters were all wonderful. What are your thoughts??
Oh geez. (For people who haven’t read it, there are spoilers here! Stop reading!) The way it was put together was alternately hard for me to get into and really enticing. I think I’ll actually read it again knowing what will happen, which I’m sure will be far worse. I was just gutted when Werner died. So stupid and so pointless, and I know it couldn’t have happened but I was so hoping he would make it out of the war somehow. And Marie-Laure’s dad–oh man. Oh man. And I couldn’t think I hated a character who didn’t really do anything terrible as much as I hated the German sergeant looking for the diamond. UGH. And poor Frederik–really, I was not expecting that, and I was just horrified at that and I was just hoping against hope that something would change, like something could be done for him. (And oh my god, the scene with Frau Elena and Jutta and the other girls was so unbelievably horrifying and I don’t think it will ever leave me.)
I think I’m going to have to reread it, yes. To really grab everything.
Obligatory Gertrude update: the latest is that her newest new job (assistant to her boyfriend in HIS new job) starts tomorrow. She had initially said he was a video game designer and this pair of jobs is in TV production. I’m not sure how transferable skills are between those two fields – maybe if he’s working on an animated show now? What really confuses me is that she said she got a $700 “signing bonus.” For a personal assistant job for which she was hired sight unseen, without so much as a phone screening? Does that sound legit to anyone? I don’t know anything about the video game or television industries.
Oh, and she’s met his parents (and traveled 7-8 hours each way to do it) after a whopping 3 weeks of dating.
I have worked in both and that sounds very sketchy.
THIS SOUNDS DREADFUL AND AWFUL and like something you’d see in criminal minds before the killing starts.
I mean, at worst it’s probably just a weird scam, but definitely keep an eye on it. Write it all down, press her for company names etc. I think she’s too invested to see the red flags, but maybe you having the information will help her somehow.
Considering that their 3-week relationship has involved at least 2 road trips from Montreal to Toronto, I am starting to wonder if maybe there are drugs in the car that she’s not aware of and she’s slowly getting snared into a drug trafficking ring.
I did say something like, “The information you’re getting keeps changing, and also that is a pretty big signing bonus for a type of job that doesn’t usually get signing bonuses, are you sure this is entirely legit” and she said, “Well, I got a contract, so it seems okay.” ALRIGHT THEN, it’s your life. *sigh*
Something dodgy is going on here. At best this guy is a complete fantasist, at worst, yes, some kind of trafficking. In between those all kinds of scams and shit.
She is just being willingly bad to the red flags at this point. I don’t think you can help her; but keep being there so you CAN help her when it gets too bad for her to deliberately ignore.
Oh oh. Be on alert for them asking her to go places herself and drop off/pick up parcels?
THERE WAS PAPER. WITH WORDS ON IT. TOTALLY LEGIT. Oy givult.
Yeah, drug trafficking’s a distinct possibility. Something sketchy is going on there, for sure 🙁
Oh Gertrude.
Poor Gertrude.
I sort-of work in TV production that could conceivably cross with video game design (it’s digital TV and a bunch of our staff are programmers/have worked in game design before), but at best this sounds super unprofessional. At worst, well, who knows.
I asked myself how meeting the parents could square with what I suspect is a drug mule situation. I decided the drug ring includes a couple of middle-aged folk who pretend to be parents when a new recruit needs to be convinced. Too far-fetched?
I dunno if it would have to square exactly. I mean, his parents could be totally unaware, and he could have a track record of introducing dates to his parents without it being a big deal for them–they think he’s just fickle when really he’s cycling through women every month or two. The date feels super reassured (“omg he wants me to meet his parents!”) and is willing to keep going, the parents think “eh, he just likes us to meet his girlfriends, I guess,” nobody’s the wiser.
The drugs are INSIDE THE PARENTS!!!
Ummm maybe
See, this is why I love Toastfolk. You think in the same direction I do. I love the oddity of this comment. And that your mind works this way. My tribe!
I’m going with, the guy got fired, but quite likes picturing himself as A Big Deal. And, of course, he never had the power to get Gertrude hired anywhere. So he’s digging himself deeper and deeper (in a hole of lies! with a shovel made of more lies!) to avoid an unpleasant confrontation and/or the end of his Magical Whirlwind Romance.
Like those guys who get fired and then go out every day for years pretending to go to work, like everything is fine, but instead, they’re sitting in their car for 8 hours.
i had no idea about this gertrude story, went back and read the previous posts and, wow, it’s giving me anxiety. one sliver of positive here, i really admire her sense of adventure. to go out of town on a whim with a guy who helped you move, to quit a job, to be told some fascinating stories while you wait for a mystery job to start, to get $700 from an unknown resource, to be cool with all this! if only…
it would seem, though, that gertrude has gotten herself into something like this before? or has she been fairly straight-laced and lucky and just happens to have found herself in the hands of, at best, a mildly-sociopathic manipulator?
i can understand not wanting to bombard her with questions, but man … why doesn’t she have any of these questions? i’d tend to agree with owl queen, if there is any specific info you can gather, i’d be inclined to do the same thing. eek! because, regardless of industry, none of any of the other details sound right, at all.
and wait, she’s starting her first day of work … on a saturday?
i guess that’s not so weird, but just a little bit weird.
It was supposed to be Monday (the 25th) but that day she found out that the office she was supposed to work in, and that the boyfriend (allegedly) works in, had closed down. Then the boyfriend (allegedly) found new jobs for both of them and she was supposed to start on Thursday. But when I texted her Thursday to ask how it was going she was all “Oh I’m not at work, we’re in Toronto with his parents” and now the start date is tomorrow. (Allegedly.)
And a Saturday of a long weekend? Makes zero sense.
why doesn’t she have any of these questions?
I DON’T KNOW. I wonder if she suspects on some level that this is all super sketchy but she wants so badly to believe it’s true that she’s not listening to her inner voice of reason. I mean – quitting a job to go work as your boyfriend’s assistant is stupid enough on its own, but to accept a job without speaking to any of the people involved, with no assurance other than the word of a guy you’ve been dating for 3 weeks?
She’s never done anything like this before, but she had been drifting around for a while. She dropped out of uni, then went back to finish her degree but dropped out again. She decided to go in a totally different field, but wasn’t accepted in the program she would need to complete for it. Meanwhile she had a job that was stable but that she hated and wanted to leave. Add to that a string of disappointing jerks from OkCupid and Tinder, and I’m not at all surprised that she fell for some handsome, apparently super sweet and considerate guy – after all, they met when he volunteered to help her, a total stranger, move – who’s offering her trips out of town, a fancy new job, mysterious cash bonuses…
I am surprised that she is seemingly blind to just how rickety this guy’s castle in the air is. It will all come crashing down soon enough and it will take a great effort on my part not to scream “I TOLD YOU SO.”
funny that you texted her, i was going to suggest texting tomorrow in case she is confronted with something crazy and forgets to call for help.
i suppose, in some freelance/contractor scenario, a project could end suddenly and have moving start dates, but i can’t think of a situation where anyone would describe that as “shutting down” unless the project went wrong and they got fired. i also can’t imagine why a person who doesn’t specifically call themselves a creative director or other manager title of some kind would need an assistant.
i really hope all you have to end up saying or thinking is “i told you so” but jeez. this sounds like one of the backstories on OITNB, like she meant well and romance was involved and it was just this one thing that one time, but then something went wrong.
*blinks* What?!
There is NOTHING about any of that is is not like battleship-size red flag. NOT LEGIT SOUNDING AT ALL. Get as much info as you can — this sounds really, really, REALLY sketchy, and having info about her whereabouts might be important 🙁
Yup, what’s that new app that automatically calls your rescue network number if you don’t call in to override it? Have her get that and put it on her phone.
Also, slow cookers are THE BEST THING EVER. I make everything in them all the time. My favourite pot roast recipe is (cover your eyes, gourmands, for I am low-class) a hunk of meat, a can of cream of mushroom soup, a French Onion soup packet, and 3 tbsp of Worcestershire sauce. For some reason I am blanking on my other recipes now, but slow cookers FOREVER.
Can you really leave them running for 8 hours without burning the house down? And are they useful if you already have a giant Dutch oven? I’ve been curious about them for a while, but am not convinced it’s worth having an extra piece of equipment taking up space… I LOVE to cook and make very involved things, so opinions from that perspective would be especially welcomed.
You can! I don’t have a Dutch oven so I can’t comment, but I feel way better about leaving a slow cooker on than leaving the oven on for hours at a time. They’re designed to do that, after all. Mostly I do my slow cooking on the weekends, but I know lots and LOTS of people who leave them on all day (even 10, 12 hours) with nothing going wrong. You would want a nicer machine, but that’s because mine is cheap and cooks very hot, so if I leave stuff in there too long it burns–but that’s solely the fault of the cheap machine. Nicer ones won’t do that and you can leave stuff for 10 or 12 hours.
You can, and they are. I have both and I still use mine all the time, especially for cooking down spiced meat for tacos or tagine or something like that.
I’ve never had any issues leaving mine running – all modern ones turn to warm and eventually off after a specified period of time. I wouldn’t necessarily ball up tissues and leave them underneath the appliance or put it in a pool of rubbing alcohol, but it’s just as safe as anything else you leave plugged in all day. For me at least it’s great to throw a bunch of ingredients in the morning or even the night before and refrigerate – then when I get home from work dinner is ready!
The best thing about the Slow Cooker, for me, is that you can cook the whole meal together (meat, veggies, starch, etc). I’ll wake up in the morning, do 30 mins. prep, turn the slow cooker on, and when I get home, dinner is ready. They also have warming functions so even if you’re gone for more than 8 hours, they will keep the food warm but won’t overcook it. Truly a miracle device.
You definitely can, and this comes from a person who has almost twice exploded the house by leaving a gas burner on and forgetting about it. Thanks, ADD!
Plus, you can buy the cheapest cuts of meat (for example, stew meat) and make them soooooo tender. You can find recipes all over the web or find a thrift store and hunt around for a slow cooker cookbook.
Slow cookers 4evah!
I think the key is that it doesn’t get hot enough to start anything on fire. And the cover ensures that the stew (or whatever) doesn’t lose liquid, so there’s essentially no risk of drying it out or burning it.
I used to make a variant of this (I think I added white cooking wine and sliced onions?) and it was so so SO delicious. But now I’m trying to not eat so much processed food, so I don’t make it any more and my life is healthier but just a tiny bit less enjoyable.
I make a version of pulled pork (I SAID A VERSION, anyone inclined to tell me it isn’t real pulled pork, yes yes, I know) that’s just a hunk o’ pork shoulder/butt and some liquid cooked for ~8 hrs. It’s great and can be as unprocessed as you like. I’ve made it with wine, with broth, with apple cider (hard or soft) and a fistful of garlic cloves. So stupidly easy, so unfailingly delicious.
Probably a pot roast would work just as well—some broth or wine or beer, some garlic or onions, a few whacked-up carrots. I haven’t made a pot roast since I was a kid, but there’s no reason you have to use processed foods/canned soup as the liquid. You can even reduce the liquid while the roast rests and have a nice thick juicy sauce, or cook it with a roux and have thick gravy.
Man, now I want pot roast.
Why didn’t I think to mention this before, CLEARLY I AM A MONSTER, but there’s a thing I make that might add to the mushroom-y quality without requiring you to use mushroom soup. I oomph up the flavor of most long-cooked mushroom dishes by adding a spoonful of…
MUSHROOM POWDER.
You can buy it from fancy spice houses, but I make my own by buying cheap, broken dried mushrooms (a mixture is fine) and grinding them to powder in a blender/small food processor. You want them quite fine, and I strain out the big chunks to regrind until they pass through a fine sieve. (For some reason, blending dried mushrooms sometimes produces an airy little wisp of… something, too Maybe it’s dried fibers from the stems or gills? I don’t know. I toss that out.)
I keep it in an airtight jar and add a spoonful to mushroom soups, stews, gravies. It adds a powerful boost of mushroom flavor with little cost or trouble, and I bet it would be great in a slow-cooker recipe.
One caveat: mushroom powder containing shiitakes must be fully cooked or some percentage of diners may suffer a painful reaction. None of the research I’ve read defines what “fully cooked” means in terms of temperatures, but I don’t know how hot/how long it takes to render the lentinan safe for that percentage of people. I usually toast it in a roux or simmer it in a small amount of liquid for several minutes just to be sure; if a Crock Pot doesn’t reach simmering/boiling point (does it? I don’t have one), it would be worth heating the powder in a liquid on the stovetop or microwave just to be sure.
The secret ingredient in many of my savory dishes is porcini powder. I call it “magic dust”, and that’s how I label my spice jar too. Just a few dashes will do, not enough to taste exactly but just to make things….more.
My brother just moved into his first big person apartment and got his first real job, and the first thing he did was buy a crockpot. I gave him this “refried” beans recipe, which I usually make so that I can make my own frozen burritos (it makes about 16 if you combine it with rice and cheese).
I want one so bad for fall cooking, but I am afraid my cat will open it up and climb inside while I’m at work. or, if the lid has a cat-proof latch, become enraged and fling it onto the floor.
Mine is just a heavy glass lid with a circle on it. I don’t think my cat would be able to lift it? They are very bad cats, but even I don’t think they’d be able to fling it off the countertop–it weighs a ton.
I want to get a slow cooker, but we have ZERO counter space and the cupboards are already full of kitchen devices that we rarely use due to the aforementioned lack of counter space. 🙁 🙁 🙁
Slow cooker is the hammer and ALL FOODS ARE THE NAIL. I like
– pulled chicken (http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/pulled-chicken-sandwiches-50400000124261/ put in a couple of adobo peppers and a little less ketchup if you like it less sweet and more spicy);
– this spicy veg dish http://thelemonbowl.com/2012/12/slow-cooker-veget…
I’m gonna try this pot roast.
Also, this tofu dish sounds hideous but is in fact really delicious. When I blend the ingredients, I chant curry slurry curry slurry and that makes it all better: http://onceamonthmeals.com/slow-cooker-coconut-to…
Easy, tasty chili if you don’t mind processed foods: Junky’s Crockpot Chili
For a more “whole” chili: Budget Bytes Chili Basics – check out the comments for further ideas.
I have a giant Crock Pot recipe book (comes in a three ring binder type situation) that has a lot of good recipes, although I always at least double the spices they list.
You can seriously just dump a thawed roaster chicken in a crockpot and throw in almost anything as a liquid (maybe not, like, vodka, but that’s about it) and it will be excellent.
I make chili basically the same way as the Budget Bytes recipe, except I don’t bother with any seasonings except chili powder and sometimes cayenne. If I’m feeling fancy, I sometimes add carrots, bell pepper, and frozen corn.
I don’t have a slow cooker but I do something similar in the oven – not for eight hours though.
I brown some meat, brown some onions, add some wine (colour depending on what the meat is), tin of tomatoes, miscellaneous herbs, good slug of sweet chili sauce, some stock (of the appropriate flavour), simmer until the wine stops smelling of wine (about 10 minutes) then bung in a load of other veg and whack it in the oven on a lowish heat for an hour and a half. Then half an hour before I want to eat it I bung in some pasta or risotto rice and back in the oven. It’s a bit more effort-involvey than everything in the pot and switch on before going to work, but it is lovely.
I appreciate your cooking instructions for their highly precise ‘bung’ and ‘whack’ steps…A+
I am *very very technical indeed* about cooking. If you whack when you should have bunged, the sky will fall in.
I can only imagine.
This recipe takes more prep than I usually allow in a slow-cooker recipe, but the results are so good that it’s worth it. Plus everything in it (except the berbere) is already in my house at all times. http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/ethiopian_chick…
I have berbere so I will be making this real soon.
Pulled pork in the slow cooker is my absolute favorite thing!! Last time I made it with about 6 cloves of garlic, Sriracha chili paste, and rice vinegar. So simple and sooooo good. I also really like making apple sauce in the slow cooker – just cut up a bunch of apples and add some apple juice or cider, maple syrup, and cinnamon (I add ground cinnamon and a cinnamon stick) and nutmeg. I blend it a bit with the hand mixer once it’s done, but it hardly needs it. An added bonus is that it makes my apartment smell divine.
This may be a dumb question, but do you have to peel the apples?
Only if you dislike bits of apple skin in your homemade apple sauce.
You can if you want to but I never do because I love skin in my applesauce.
DH and I have been really digging this stuff lately-
1-2 lbs stew beef, in chunks, glug of orange juice, 1 small can chipotle peppers in adobe sauce, 1 or 2 sweet potatoes cut into cube-like shapes, 1 onion chopped, red bell pepper chopped, 1 can black beans. You can add tomato paste too.
I LOVE my slow cooker! Here are a few favorites:
Pernil http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/01/skinny-slow-co…
Chicken in white wine sauce http://spoonful.com/recipes/slow-cooker-white-win…
I’m fond of pizza topping soup. I got the recipe from a Company’s Coming cookbook, and then I tweaked it a teensy bit. Remainder of this comment mostly repeated from the last time I shared the recipe somewhere:
1 lb hot italian sausage (the kind that isn’t in sausage skins)
1 green pepper
1 onion
several mushrooms
1 28 oz can diced tomatoes
1 14 oz can tomato sauce
1/2 t basil
1/2 t oregano
1/4 t cayenne (or possibly 1/8 t? can’t remember)
1 packet beef bouillon
1 cup water
mozzarella
The night before, unless you’re a morning person: Chop the veggies. Scramble fry and drain the sausage. Put the veggies and sausage in the fridge.
In the morning: Put everything but the cheese in a slow cooker. Cook on low 8-10 hours or so.
When you get home from work: Put some soup in a bowl, then grate some mozza on it.
I thought I would have to add more oregano & basil, but the tomato sauce absorbs some flavour from the sausage, so it’s fine.
The original recipe said to serve it with crusty bread, which is nice, but the soup is fine on its own too.
I…
… this…
… you…
PIZZA TOPPING SOUP, HURRAY!
A lady in my office made about 40 gallons of seafood bisque for all of us yesterday. Slow-cooked to perfection. Am still drooling about it, will likely have for lunch again today.
I love my slow cooker, especially in the fall and winter when I want heavy braised meat dishes because anything you braise can be made in a slow cooker! (Pretty much, I am sure there are exceptions!)
We were kids in the midwest and so lots of the food we ate growing up came from this ‘cookbook’ that came with the crock-pots everyone had:
http://www.megaheart.com/pdf/crockpot-cookbook.pd…
I still make the BBQ ribs like that, although after they are done in the crock pot I put them on a tray with foil and broil them briefly so that the sauce gets crispy. They are not REAL ribs but they are pretty good!
Another similarly easy recipe is:
-bunch of chicken (whatever parts you like)
-2 jars salsa
So delicious, and almost painfully easy.
Don’t forget starches are great slow-cooked too. Polenta, grits, oatmeal all benefit from slow cooking, plus it’s great to wake up and have the perfect thing waiting for you.
I travel to California soon. I want to meet all you Toastfolk. Anyone willing and able to get to
~San Diego (Sunday, 21 September) and
~San Francisco (Wednesday through Saturday, 24-27 September),
please contact me: rcmcdowell at verizon dot net.
I’m hoping for big meetups at both locations as well as smaller gatherings in San Francisco. A few of you want to meet me for supper? Or take a walking tour with me?
I have never been to San Francisco before. (I know it’s expensive.) Advice, please.
Can I be car-free in San Francisco? Is San Francisco like the northeastern cities I navigate on foot? E.g., I would never use a car in Philadelphia, just walk everywhere between subway and bus stops. Can I count on getting a taxi when I’m tired? Or is San Francisco more like the southwestern cities I know, such as Phoenix, where taxi stands are only at the hotels?
Hotel recommendations in San Francisco? I’m getting my flights “free” with airline points, so I can spend on a nice hotel. That said, many hotel luxuries are wasted on me. I guess I just want to feel clean and safe. A view of water might be worth extra money. What say you?
Places and restaurants I should not miss?
I lived car-free in SF for 6 years, and I am hardly the only one. Lots of buses, Muni light rail, BART – it’s pretty easy to get around. Just bring good sturdy walking shoes. The hills are real.
Already have my favorite shoes set aside. Thanks for your help.
So many toasties visiting San Francisco this fall! I don’t have many recommendations BUT you definitely don’t need a car in SF. You can get a Clipper Card and load it with fare for all of the major transit systems in the city/vicinity (BART, Muni, Cal Train…I’m sure there are others). I drive into the city on occasion and it is stressful, to be honest, and traffic can be a nightmare.
Yes, driving is stressful in cities. I never do it if there is a decent subway/train/bus system. And then there’s the liability of having a car. Where the hell do I park the damn thing? And will it be safe? Is there anything inside that tempts a break-in?
You can be car-free in San Francisco, but it all depends on what you want to see, where you want to go, and how far you’d like to test your patience. Muni (the bus/streetcar system) is notoriously shitty and awful and terrible, so much so that it’s often faster and less stressful to walk where you want, but tiring. You could get a taxi pretty easily if you’re tired if you’re in the right part of the city, but if you’re way out near the ocean your chances are a lot slimmer.
I love hanging out near the ocean in San Francisco, which is the least accessible part of the city, unfortunately. The Sutro Baths are really cool, Lands End is nearby with nice walking trails and views of the Golden Gate Bridge, and also has the eagle point labyrinth which is neat, and again with a cool view of the bridge. Just north across the bridge is Battery Spencer, an old abandoned military outpost. You can get a really cool view of the city from there, but you’d need a car to get to it easily, I think.
This is the kind of advice I was hoping for. Thanks very much.
Make sure to pack a sweater or jacket. San Francisco has so many microclimates that one part of the city can be sunny and warm and about 5 minutes away can be foggy, cold, and windy.
I would also say that late September is often the magical time when San Francisco is a warm sunny wonderland, so seriously, bring some shorts too. I am always so sad when I’m too overdressed to enjoy the miraculously warm weather.
That said, seriously never go anywhere without a jacket.
you can definitely be car-free in san francisco.
a lot of the city is walkable (albeit potentially hilly), and muni/BART can get you pretty much anywhere. you can use 511.org to help plan public transit needs but google maps functions pretty much the same way if you have a smartphone. i’d say you wouldn’t need to consider taxis unless it was really late at night/wee hours. there are taxis (especially downtown on market, near the shopping/financial districts) but elsewhere…not as much. i’ve never used uber/lyft myself, but both have pretty strong presences in the city as cab alternatives.
no ideas on hotels, but places you should not miss…as far as a nice afternoon goes, i like the mission. get tacos at tacolicious and then pie at mission pie, check out zines at needles & pens, look through all the books at dog-eared and adobe, stroll down to humphrey slocombe and get jesus juice sorbet (red wine and cola), buy a baguette and some cheese at bi-rite and then sit in dolores, and then…repeat.
I have a smart phone. I will need taxis. Though I usually spend all day on my feet, I am less than 3 months into recovery from major surgery. My stamina is not expected to return to normal for a year or so. The fatigue descends suddenly, so I need to stay where I can suddenly get a cab. Thanks.
i know the yellow cab number is 333-3333 which is pretty easy to remember, but that being said, if you’re planning on staying out late, i’d definitely check out uber and lyft just in case. luckily there’s a wealth of transportation options in the city, plus a cafe on every corner if you need a place to sit and rest while you wait for cab. i hope your trip is a success! late september is a beautiful time of year in the bay area. the last of our indian summer, heading in to the first inklings of autumn…it’s great.
Alternatively, you could download Flywheel, which is like Uber/Lyft but for normal licensed cabs. It just finds the closest cab and signals for a pickup. That would give you the freedom to explore the rest of the city without finding yourself stranded or facing an hour-long bus ride to go 5 miles.
Yes, just what I need. Thanks.
Seconding the Flywheel rec.! Uber and Lyft kinda freak me out but Flywheel just flags down actual cabs for you, and then you can pay them via your phone with whatever credit card you have no file, so no cash. I think if you use a referall code for your first ride you get $10 off or something? I’ll investigate – I saw you posted an email above, so maybe I can use that to send you a code? (Who doesn’t like free money?)
Yes, please email me. Thanks for your help.
Done!
What kind of food do you like?
I eat all the food. I am partial to baked goods, ice cream, and fine chocolates, as evident in my lovely soft, round figure.
When I eat with an eye to good health I favor whole grain dishes like oatmeal and brown rice. I look for cooked veggies with lots of color.
Go to Bi-Rite Creamery (they were the 1st hipster ice cream place in the city), for sure. My other ice cream favorites are Three Twins, Mitchells (old-school family joint, their fruit flavors are stellar, esp. the tropical ones), the Ice Cream Bar in Cole Valley/Upper Haight (my ‘hood!) is a lot of fun (it’s a new, old fashioned “soda shoppe” with homemade ice cream and phosphates and tinctures and shit. If you have time to brave the line, Tartine is a great, great bakery. Craftsman & Wolves (in the same neighborhood, The Mission) does some really neat-looking and delicious “modern” pastries, and right next door is a newish chocolatier whose name I forget. If you’re in town on a Saturday, go to the Ferry Building Farmers Market (if you’re ok with crowds). It’s a) very easy to get to, b) beautifully located, and c) jam-packed with many delicious things, from raw ingredients to baked goods to prepared food. (Chilaquiles at the Primavera tent are my favorite.)
On the healthier end of the spectrum – for all our love of bacon and cocktails, plenty of veg stuff, obviously. Gracias Madres is a vegan taquieria which I quite like even though there’s no cheese or meat. We have a few great Burmese places that always hit the “I need something warming and comforting and not super fatty” spot for me.
How’s that for a start?
Wow. I’m drooling. And I just finished lunch, so you’ve tempted me though my belly’s full. Thanks.
it’s dandelion chocolates i think. They have samples!
burma superstar has a 2nd location now right?
One in SF, one in Oakland and a third in Alameda, but there’s also B*Star which is not all Burmese but does have a few of their traditional hits. Mandalay is pretty great too, and I’m a fan of Pagan (though it’s way outer Richmond).
msjinxie covered ice cream pretty well but left out my fav, Humphry Slocombe, where they have new flavors every day. One of their few constant flavors is Secret Breakfast, a bourbon ice cream with cornflake cookies in it, and it is so so so good. Bi-Rite is also good, but the line can be obscene sometimes (there’s going to be a line at Humphry Slocombe, too, though).
Oh. My. Goddess. Bourbon, cornflakes, cookies, all in an ice cream. I never stand in lines. But I could make an exception for that.
(I left HS out on purpose, sorry!)
Oh no, is there something about HS that makes you not want to go? Are you just not a fan? Are they openly/secretly terrible people?
Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you! It’s really just personal preference. I find the quality of their ice cream to be inconsistent – sometimes it’s good, sometimes the butterfat content is WAY too high and it leaves a weird fatty coating in my mouth. Plus the salt and pepper flavor just tastes like someone accidentally knocked a container of Mortons Salt into the custard base. I will give them props for the peanut-butter-chocolate-chip flavor, though. Met some Twitter Toasties at the Ferry Building yesterday for lunch and we had HS for dessert.
(Also, BiRite has the soft serve window, which is the way to my heart. I will always, always, go for the soft serve option.)
Oh and thanks for the Gracias Madres recommendation!
I stayed once at the Hotel Des Arts
http://www.sfhoteldesarts.com/
room was comfortable and clean, right next to Chinatown and nice for the price
The photo at that link made me smile. Definitely gonna check it out. Thanks.
Golden Gate Park is really nice and beautiful and full of amazing things, including several museums.
SF has 8 million yummy places to eat, but I will recommend Suppenkuche, which is a Bavarian restaurant that has amazing amazing food and yummy beer and also used to do brunch, I am not sure if they still do. And they are in a fun neighbourhood nearish a good chocolate shop and stuff.
Despite living in the Bay Area for 20 years next year, we have never lived in SF, so all my knowledge of it is visiting places for day trips, and I do not know the names of neighbourhoods or anything like that. And all my really favourite places are from before we had kids and used to go up there a lot. 🙂 I am sure other people have addressed the car-free thing better, but remember it is *very hilly* in places so if you are going to walk, it can be a lot of uphill uphill uphill.
Suppenkuche! I love that place, and they have a biergarten near by which is lovely on a sunny afternoon. Hayes Valley is chock full of cute shops/good restaurants/bars. Miette Confisserie is a must if you like fancy sweets in cute jars.
House in North Beach has amazing California-Japanese fusion food. I could eat like 20 of their crispy salmon rolls with a spicy mustard sauce, but nothing I’ve ever had there has been anything short of perfect and delicious. They also have Hitachino Nest beer, which is a super yummy, tangeriney IPA from Japan, if you like beer.
If you like seafood, La Mar, down by the Ferry building on the seafront, does a good happy hour with delicious peruvian ceviches and little potato causas and some yummy cocktails. It’s a good afternoon pick-me-up. Last time I was there, a newly minted bride and groom came in with their best people post-wedding during the happy hour and it made me smile.
Also at Ferry Building: Slanted Door also does a great happy hour, and cowgirl creamery cheese is so good. SO GOOD. I recommend getting a fresh loaf of bread and the Creamery’s fresh herbed soft cheese.
I will also second the Bi-Rite recommendation for disgustingly good ice cream sundaes.
Crispy salmon, spicy mustard – I’m gonna gain 20 pounds.
As others have said, SF has great parks. Golden Gate is big enough to feel like you’re not in a city anymore. It also features a great Botanical Garden if you’re into plants!
Dolores Park is fun and in the middle of things. Perfect for dog window-shopping as it is full of beautiful dogs and their beautiful people. Usually also contains an interesting amount of small business people – there’s a guy that sells fresh coconuts (he hacks the top off, pours some rum in, sticks a straw in, and boom!). There’s also usually at least 1 person with a basket of weed edibles. Then there’s the macaron salesperson. You may also run into hula-hoopers, jugglers, giant bubble-blowers, hippies, hipsters, etc. I love Dolores for the people watching. It’s sort of bowl-shaped so you can sit near the top and watch the people and the fog roll in. Bring a blanket and your drink of choice, no one’s looking. 😉
The Mission (esp near Dolores) is prime for walking around and looking and beautiful Victorian houses.
The double-decker bus tours are a great silly tourist thing to do if it’s a nice day, you can sit on top and watch many different neighborhoods go by.
This is a most wonderful comment. I love dogs and people watching. And I forgot I would have the chance to get legal marijuana. The rum-and-coconut is inspiring serious daydreaming. Bubbles! And hippies! They are a sight that signals “Relax, Rose. Hippies don’t hang out anywhere you would find anyone like the judgmental family you escaped. You’re safe and accepted here.” Bless you, germanrocketcat.
Yesterday I had a really bad experience with my new therapist that is making me question the usefulness of going to therapy at all. I find it difficult to actually talk to strangers about anything, much less my deepest anxieties, but she started yawning and falling asleep while I was talking. She never really addressed it, though she mumbled a few apologies around the yawns. And at the end of the session, though I felt I had pushed myself to actually talk about my problems, I felt completely gutted and terrible. She completely betrayed my trust. And because sometimes I just act like a good little girl, even when I’m seething inside, I went ahead and made an appointment for next week.
I think I would be less angry if I thought it was an honest mistake from an otherwise great therapist, but I feel like she has no clue what to do with me. I’m pretty self-aware and I talk about my problems a lot with people I’m close to. So having her tell me I have self-esteem issues and that I should learn to relax is not super helpful. I already know that, I just don’t know how.
So I’m pretty sure I want to cancel next week’s appointment, but part of me feels like if I do that then I won’t try going to therapy again for a long time. My husband thinks it’s okay to take a breather, but that I should try another therapist when I’m ready. I know Toasties are usually big proponents of therapy, but has anyone found it totally unhelpful? Am I just being super resistant and I need to give it time with the right person? Tell me your therapy stories Toasties! I need some reassurance.
I feel like this therapist is terrible (and incredibly rude!), and the longer you stay with her the more burned out on therapy/slow to find a new therapist after peacing out you will be! Hope people chime in with more reassuring personal stories too.
I have had totally unhelpful therapists, even though I found therapy helpful overall. It sounds like you should cancel next week’s appointment and replace it with an introductory appt with a new, hopefully better therapist. Maybe have a Therapy Scheduling Session where you look up potential replacements, get an appointment with one, and then gleefully and vindictively cancel the one with Sleepyface McSleeperton?
Ugh, I would drop her. The difference between an ok therapist and a good one who understood my particular brand of anxiety was like night and day. I went through two meh ones before I found a good one, but it was worth the stress of continuing to search.
I have had a similarly unhelpful experience, though I went into it not expecting to be helped (just wanted the drugs). I am a pretty obsessively self-aware person so I didn’t see the use in talk therapy, and having my psychiatrist attempt to solve my anxiety by explaining that I shouldn’t actually be anxious about things was weirdly not all that helpful and kind of confirmed my prejudices.
My therapist is wonderful and she would never, ever do this.
Definitely look into a different therapist. If you feel like your therapist isn’t listening to you – and if she falls asleep during your session that is AWFUL – it’s not going to help you at all.
Edit: I am also very self-aware and interestingly an art-based therapy has helped me more than talk therapy, because part of my self-awareness means an intellectualising of my issues that doesn’t allow me to work through them. The art therapy helps me get under my own clever-person shell.
I am really intrigued by art therapy but I’m so hard on myself I’m afraid I would look at what I’ve created and just think, ugh I suck. Which is…not good. But I know nothing about art therapy so I just kind of assume it’s like art class but one on one and you can sort of hum to yourself and talk about stuff. I may just be incredibly wrong. Can you tell me more about what art therapy is actually like?
Well, what Helen and I do, is I turn up to my session, we talk a bit, and while we talk she gets me to do something arty – in clay, in penicl, in paint – whatever I want. As I create more stuff she asks more probing questions and I have SHOCKED myself with a: my honesty and b: how helpful this is and c: how much the art ends up relating to what we talk about.
The first three session WERE ‘no, you don’t need to feel bad about this, the point isn’t to be GOOD’ though.
Finding the right person is key. I’ve had therapists I didn’t click with and I questioned what I was doing too. Then I got an actual recommendation from my doctor and my last therapist was absolutely amazing and got me and was hugely helpful. We clicked right away.
That being said: fire this therapist. I mean, who falls asleep on clients? Really! That is ridiculous.
Drop her and tell her why. In an email, if you can and that is easier.
Yep, this. You deserve better.
Or! if you are not feeling like this is something you can do, ask your husband to do it. You don’t owe this woman anything – she is a professional you hired, and she sucked at her job, and it is completely fine for your husband to be in charge of firing her if you don’t feel like you’re emotionally up for it.
also agree on telling her why. she needs to know that this behavior is incredibly unprofessional to begin with and potentially really hazardous to her clients’ health as well. i mean, completely unacceptable.
Dear lord, that concept is so terrifying to me. I agree with Linette–you don’t owe this woman ANYTHING. You were paying her to provide you a service, and she didn’t do a very good job of it. Perhaps if you call during off-hours you can leave her a voicemail?
I have not found therapy helpful, but I’m sure most folks would categorize me as not giving it a fair shot. It seemed like therapy was a combination of someone telling me things I already know and making broad pronouncements about reality with no evidence to back them up.
I might try it again some time but I’m not too keen on the ‘make it your life’s quest to find that 1 Special Therapist! If it doesn’t work for you you must just keep hunting and hunting, with no regard for your time or finances!’ attitude that some have.
I kept putting off even beginning to look for a therapist. What finally worked for me was a time budget. “OK, self, you will spend 30 minutes every Wednesday at 11 a.m. researching and calling therapists. Must make one phone call before quitting for the week.”
Thank you so much for saying this. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on therapy and seen a kajillion therapists, none of whom have worked for me. But I can never actually say that out loud because of the “Just keep seeing therapist after therapist until you’re broke! And if you’re broke simply go into debt! This is your health we’re talking about!” meme.
I really think it does intensely depend on the therapist, and I think your husband is probably right? But also, that you need to do what makes you most comfortable. I had a one-on-one therapist that I loved for about six months (I graduated from college which was the only reason it ended) but she recommended an additional group therapy class that I loathed.
I definitely think that a therapist who FALLS ASLEEP WHILE YOU ARE TALKING is not representative of Good Therapy, and is in fact awful, and if she is in a company that employs multiple people, I would contact someone else and report it. That’s really messed up, and I’m so sorry you went through it.
I had two terrible therapists as a teenager and have never been able to convince myself to go back, but I know other people it’s worked wonders for. If you think therapy would help you in the long run, please try again with someone new.
Do you have ANY daytime availability for therapy? I see an anxiety specialist in dowtntown Silver Spring and she’s awesome and around the opposite of your existing therapist. Her name is Dr. Linda Tipton. I’ve been seeing her for about a year now and she’s awesome.
I had a similarly terrible experience with a therapist in College Park and I went home and cried for literally hours. It took a few weeks to find my current one (after seeing someone who recommended my current one as an anxiety specialist) but it was only my third try and she’s so amazing.
Most importantly I think you should leave your current one, because a bad therapist (imo) is way worse than no therapist. Plus like you’ve made the initial step of finding ONE therapist, and I think the leap from zero therapists tried to one therapist tried is WAY bigger than going from one therapist tried to two or three.
I actually had two or three therapists who I visited….no more than ten times, over a period of five years or so before I actually found a therapist I jived with and really got something out of it. I ditched my first therapist after two sessions because I felt worse leaving his office than going in. In retrospect, I think that’s part of the self-exploration stuff, but I just wasn’t ready for it.
This therapist is awful, I’m so sorry that happened to you! Falling asleep during a session is so damn unprofessional, I can’t even. Take a breather if you like, but if you still feel like you think therapy will help, shop around a little. You have to try on a few before you find a good fit.
I also just decided to stop seeing my therapist about about 8 months. She is oh so nice and supportive, but doesn’t really push me or provide insight. I’m sure she’s really helpful for certain people who just need someone to talk to, but I don’t think that’s what I need. Unfortunately, she’s the only therapist in town taking new patients, so that means I’m done with therapy for the foreseeable future, but I don’t see the point of continuing to throw money away either. If you have the option, though, I think trying with a different therapist is probably a good idea!
Wow, holy shit, wow. Drop her like a hot potato and go get yourself the therapist you deserve!
Oh my god, she sounds like a nightmare. Who DOESN’T know they have self esteem issues and should learn to relax? The point of therapy is to figure out why you’re having trouble and how to fix it, not to just have some jerk reiterate it to you. I have a therapist who rocks ; she’s attentive and empathetic (so empathetic it’s sometimes unnerving because she has these giant sad puppy eyes), and helps me to see that I freak out about things needlessly without making me feel bad for having the freakout in the first place. I hope you can find one as good as mine! This captain awkward article is helpful, I think: http://captainawkward.com/2012/12/30/414-what-are…
I think taking a breather is a good idea. Going to therapy is draining, hard work, and taking a break to focus on less exhausting things for a bit will be better for you than trying to keep going with a therapist who clearly isn’t worthy of your trust or time. That is a super shitty experience, and there’s no need to put yourself through it! I myself am on a break from therapy – still have work to do but I decided, after processing some heavy stuff, that I wanted to take some time and focus on immediate present things, like being happy, instead of wearing myself out working on things that need to be worked on at some point, but right now it’s not the end of all things if it doesn’t happen right now. I feel much better knowing I’m not going when I don’t want to be there (my therapist is also far away and making a 3 hour round trip if there’s traffic for 50 min of therapy twice a week was killing me) because I don’t have to spend energy dreading going or feeling unsatisfied going and not getting work done!
In short, therapy is great except when it isn’t and when it isn’t it’s not worth it. That’s how I feel about it, anyways.
Therapists are people, and lots of people are terrible. YOUR THERAPIST IS TERRIBLE. I had one therapist who damaged me, and some who were well-meaning but not helpful, and one who was fantastic and helped me a ton. It’s pretty much as complicated as finding a best friend. You need a person who is capable of understanding you on some innate level. I think we all have this unfortunate tendency to think that because therapists have similar training and credentials they are similarly equipped to help us. They aren’t. Finding the right fit can be time-consuming and frustrating and expensive, but therapy is all of those things already. I found it helpful to remember that this was a person I was hiring to help me, and if I didn’t think they were capable of doing so, I wouldn’t hire them.
Anywaaaay I really hope you find a great one!
FRIDAY CAT THREAD
Here is Anne, looking photogenic and displaying her adorably wonky tail.
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And here is Bonny, being weird
Yesterday Bonny spent all day sleeping next to my leg. She followed me to the bathroom and the kitchen. Then we went out to meet friends and didn’t get back to ten and she’s been in a sulk since.
Bonny is very rectangular.
Saffron will begrudgingly share her cushion, but she is claiming th sunbeam as her sovereign territory.
Toasties, this is Lana!! (If somebody could let me know if the html is working I’d appreciate it; I’m at work and images don’t always show up.) She’s about 4 months old and she’s the most darling and affectionate little cutie and I adore her.
Your HTML is fine and that tiny baby kitten is adorable.
I can see her and I love her!
LAAANNNNNAAAA!
We were deciding between Lana and Louise, and ultimately decided that we wanted to yell “DANGER ZONE” when she’s bad, forever.
OMG she’s So Beautiful.
Here is Benny, serving as feline welcome mat:
And then there’s this elfin beauty, saddled by the shelter with the name “Bitsy” when obviously she is called Wu Zetian or Galadriel or the like:
What kind of name is ‘Bitsy’ for a cat that looks like that?
I hope she gets a person who understands and appreciates her regal beauty.
Right?!? An unfathomable decision.
Monster Truck started doing this thing this summer where he sleeps on his litter box. I have no idea why.
That is hilarious, and what an excellent name!
Really old picture of Munchie with her non-human BFF, Chipper:
This is my cat Zoe from about a year and a half ago, when she decided she didn’t want me to use my computer anymore.
She is just adorable. And determined to have all your attention.
Oh my goodness what a cutie.
Kitty time!
I fostered Ben and Zara, or the Neckless Wonder Twins, for a couple months last year. They did *everything* together, except play the guitar (that was Zara’s prerogative). They got adopted together, and are apparently quite happy, and even rounder than before.
Cuddling smugly.
Posing prettily.
Here’s McCovey telling me not to forget him:
Old-ish picture, but fitting for this week, as Musichetta has been in A Snit for the last few days, resulting in faces like this one:
I returned from holiday this week and Klaas-Jan Huntelaar conquered my suitcase.
my favorite no-effort food is oatmeal. or really, my favorite no-effort food is grilled cheese, but i don’t buy the ingredients for it anymore, or i will eat nothing else.
this week was pretty okay! last weekend, i had a fab fab time dancing my butt off to the zombies in a beautiful park. then i got to take the lead in presenting a “women in business”-targeted campaign in a client meeting (a strategic choice, no doubt, because i am the only woman on the team, but they were also very complimentary and the client liked our offerings).
also i got to eat tacos twice.
this coming weekend i hope to buy a lot of zines, eat pie, treat myself to fancy coffee, and maybe go for a hike.
tacos always
“i don’t buy the ingredients for it anymore, or i will eat nothing else.” I have done this with so many snack foods. Particularly Oreos. And then the 2-3 times a year when I buy Oreos I just consume the whole package in two days and refuse to feel bad about it.
Tacos are my favorite food.
Okay – have you ever had kefir? What did you do with it? I bought raspberry kefir, and so far have been taking tablespoons of it and I feel very Mary-Poppins-Cod-Liver-Oil, but it really doesn’t taste that bad on its own and I’m wondering how else I can use it. I don’t have a blender right now so smoothies are out…but, like, on cereal? Where do you use YOUR kefir? And what’s the best weird food you buy regularly?
Have a wonderful long weekend, everyone!
I don’t find this weird, as I grew up with it, but I make and eat kasha all the time but apparently many people have never heard of it. It is buckwheat groats, and it is delicious. You can make it bland and sweet like porridge, but I make mine with onions and it is way better.
You take the kasha (it’s tiny and hard grains when uncooked) and some stock (I make it with beef stock from boullion) and onions. Saute the onions in butter until soft, then toss the buckwheat in there and stir that around so it gets toasty. Then pour in the stock (1:2 ratio, 1 c kasha for 2 cups stock, or 1/2 c to 1 c for smaller servings) and bring it to a boil, reduce to a simmer, cover and let cook for like 15-20 minutes. It’s done when it’s tender. It’s delicious. You can find it at Polish delis, Russian markets, that type of thing.
Kay, that sounds awesome, I would eat that with sausages probably. And it’s GF!
KASHA YES
I like it best with onions and carrots and maybe peppers. And a good amount of salt.
Also worth noting that in the US you can get it ground to various consistencies (esp. if you buy it from a grocery store’s sad “Jewish foods” shelf or the bulk bins at a health food store), but this is GARBAGE, and you should definitely only buy the unground whole grain stuff.
Oh yeah! My parents put mushrooms in it but I hate mushrooms, so onions it is.
I also had no idea it was available ground up. I…ew….that sounds gross. I can’t even buy it where I live, I have to either travel a few hours to get it, or have my mom mail it to me every few months.
As I cut and paste your kasha recipe I have come to the conclusion we need a Toast recipe wiki!
Kasha is super tasty! I haven’t had any in ages but highly recommended (and good for celiacs!)
This is a relevant post, because I too have no idea what to do with kefir but I keep seeing potentially yummy smoothie recipies using it online? Whatever this is looks awesome. http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2014/08/raspbe…
EDIT: Wow, I’m an idiot and didn’t see the part about how you don’t have a blender. But the advice about freezing cubes of it could still be useful! I imagine it tasting good in chocolate milk and potentially iced tea?
I just eat it straight with cereal, or I use it to make overnight oats.
I just drink it. Growing up as the child of a NorCal hippie it was my big treat as a kid. Just drink it straight from the carton in big gluggy gulps.
Fellow Norcal hippie child, and yes kefir straight from the bottle was a huge treat. Was so disappointed when we moved to LA and it stopped appearing in the grocery bags. Now it seems to be more widespread and I’ll buy some occasionally and polish it off in 2-3 days
Oh I love kefir. I only buy the plain and the whole-milk version is luscious but there are low-fat versions. Yes in smoothies but I like to take a big swig out of the bottle before bed. It makes your gut feel fantastic. In LA, Jon’s Market and Trader Joes have the best prices.
My impression of kefir is that it looks like runny yogurt and tastes like yogurt. So I used like I would yogurt, which for me is mixing with Kashi GoLean Crunch and some fruit.
I usually just drink the kefir plain if it’s tasty enough. It’s all bubbly and delicious.
same here, just knock back a small glass(about 8 oz.) at night before bed
I like to mix it with mango juice for a lassi-type deal!
I drink kefir, but I can’t offer any suggestions. I don’t like the sour taste, so I chug to avoid tasting it. It has a lovely creamy texture and is very filling, though, which is why I drink it whenever I need a quick snack.
Kefir straight is delicious!
Also gizzards are one of my weird foods. I love buying a big container and frying them up – reminds me of spending time with my grandfather as a little girl. He found I shared his love for organ meats and we’d end up eating all manner of odd and delicious things whenever I was visiting.
Just drink it. It’s basically just a yogurt smoothie. You can also make your own kefir-like yogurt drink by blending plain yogurt and orange juice.
I usually make smoothies, but since that is out…you could probably use chia seeds to turn it into a pudding? It will come out tapioca-like. You can put fruit extra fruit on top, or make fruit sauce, or whipped cream, etc. I use coconut cream + chia seeds to make pudding, and then make a mango sauce out of frozen mango chunks and sugar. I imagine it would work as well since it is already thick.
i am in the wasteland of waiting to get my toddler’s gastroenteritis and i think i’m getting it but you don’t really know until you’re puking relentlessly while also pooping, so
Somehow I know Brian Goldberg is behind all this…
Fuuuuck. Stock up on the puppy training pads, Nicole.
And Gatorade! Mr. Vesperer went out at 5am to get me some last time I had a stomach bug and it was the Best Thing.
Mixing red Gatorade with an ice cube in my mouth was basically the only thing I could tolerate when I had the flu, and it tasted and felt like heaven.
Gatorade popsicles. The only thing that helped when I had an evil throat infection and couldn’t eat *anything*.
Even better, Pedialyte. It doesn’t have, IDK, high-fructose corn syrup or something and I find it more tolerable when stomach is unhappy.
What? Why puppy training pads? What would she do with those?!?!
… when your two exits are being used and one of them is aimed at the toilet, the other is going to need an alternative route. It’s either the floor (hence the pads), a bucket, or the tub, in my experience. Sometimes there is no time to choose.
Stay well, Nicole!
Oh, jeez….hang in there, you’ll make it, honest! Also, I feel really bad for you and your tot, what an awful experience. If I was in Utah, I’d bring my slow cooker, a pair of rubber gloves and a sympathetic ear until everyone felt better.
But you know I’d be scampering out during down times to play with your horse, right? Just wanna be clear, here.
Fingers crossed that it passes you by!
ooooooh noooooooo
Here’s hoping it magically misses you, Nicole. Sending lots of happy, healthy nonsense thoughts your way. In the meantime, maybe stock up on popsicles.
That’s horrible and get yourself some plain kefir
I don’t own a crockpot.
I did buy some figs the other day, though, and with Toastie Twitter’s help I found some ways to use them – fig chutney and fig tart! And I used my leftover fresh ginger from the chutney to make ginger syrup; I’m gonna try making ginger sorbet!
If your family is anything like my family, if you marry, you will receive crockpots in bulk. (I think I got three?)
Figs also match up really well with brie and prosciutto on crostini, if you’re feelin’ schmancy. We have a fig tree in the backyard so around this time of year it is nothing but figs in e v e r y t h i n g.
Fun Fig Fact for Friday: Each fig you eat contains the body of a female fig wasp. In order to pollinate the fig, she lays an egg inside of it, deposits her pollen and dies there. Some vegans (and vegetarians) won’t eat figs for this reason.
My face just went from “figs and prosciutto!” —> “fig wasps!” like this:
That is the most interesting thing I have ever heard. :O
SO yesterday I got all dressed/gothed up to meet some friends in the city.
Dark makeup, all black, the usual. And as I was going in, a MAN passed me, looked me up and down and growled under his breath ‘Look at the state of THAT’.
(This is what I was referring to in the link roundup)
But, in an odd change for me, I was proud. I was proud, because if the way I dress makes entitled misogynists angry then I am doing it right. I wasn’t even scared! He seemed so… powerless to me. I spent the rest of the walk grinning. I mean, there he was, hating – HATING – that I dressed in a way that didn’t give him a hard-on and all he could do was snarl under his breath. What a pathetic example of humanity, right? He must have a deeply miserable inner life.
This has done wonders for my anxiety about leaving the house, oddly.
You are awesome, and that guy is indeed a pathetic example of humanity!
I love this. I love your reaction, I love the accurate sense of “fuck that dude,” I love that it’s done wonders for your anxiety.
Yesterday I passed a man surrounded by three screaming children, and when he smiled at me in that knowing way I braced myself for horribleness *in front of children*, which is my least favorite kind. Instead he just said, “Only have one.”
YOU INSPIRE FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF MEN
YOU ARE A HERO
I actually do though
All my husband’s friends are scared of me.
When he was working at the insurance place, I somehow came up in conversation and one of his colleagues said ‘well, she’s LOVELY… but I’d never cross her’
MEN FEAR ME AS THEY SHOULD
My nickname at university was ‘Scary Es’.
I spent the last two years of high school as Crazy Lady. That nickname and ruling the op-ed section of the school paper with an iron fist are the only two things I miss about high school.
MEN FEAR ME AS THEY SHOULD. You fuckin’ rock.
Spectacular. You are living the dream!
I love that against his intention, he made you feel powerful. LOVE THAT!
get on with your bad goth self!
i also enjoy stomping around in all-black. the ones who have a problem with it are hilariously pathetic, the ones who compliment you on your “top gothtober stylin'” are lovely human beings, aaaand it makes it easy for me to mix & match articles of clothing, so all around A+ in my opinion.
Well played!
YEAH. Absolutely fuck yes to this.
Yessssss you rock. A pathetic example of humanity, indeed.
Related: I got off the train yesterday evening, smiling faintly in post-Bad-Feminist reading bliss and contemplation, and excited because I decided to make pad thai for dinner. Some repulso-dude purrs, “Pretty smile.” And I, channeling Amy Poehler maybe (because I’d re-read a bunch of I don’t fucking care if you like it things on the internet again yesterday) and just generally feeling awesome from reading Roxane Gay, snapped, “It’s not for YOU.” And continued without breaking a stride.
Happily, I was not met with a barrage of verbal abuse. Also the street was crowded and I poked into the grocery store immediately, so he probably lost track of me.
Offering you a powerful Game of Thrones-esque forearm-grasping handshake in solidarity, Owl Queen!
Aaaargggg!
Just finished watching Endeavour and just have to say 1) What the fuck? and 2) When is season three coming out?
I didn’t even know it was back until yesterday! There goes my Saturday. I love Endeavour.
I just pinched a nerve in my back and I’m coming up way short on payment this month and I can’t really do very much about it – all solutions are long-term, not short – and I’m so scared I’m not going to be able to get out of this hole and stay on top of all my bills.
And my main client, who’s had nothing for me in the last few months, just revealed she’s been taking all new projects for herself because she hasn’t had time to market and she needs the cash herself. Which is her prerogative, but it somehow makes me feel worse.
On the plus side, for the first time in my life I have a partner to help me out financially. It’s not a ton of money, but it’s still really nice to say, “Can you please pick up the groceries?” and have that be an option. It’s never been an option before.
Uggggggggggggggggggh.
Oh no, a pinched nerve is so painful! I’m sorry. This sounds like a tough stretch. It is such a relief to have someone in your life who can take up the load when it gets too heavy.
I need career advice! More accurately, I am overanalyzing a hypothetical situation and would like some Toastie perspectives.
Like many Toasties, I’m a librarian. Since the job market sucks, positions in the field here are few and far between, and most of them are short-term contracts. I’m on my second job since finishing my MLIS in spring 2013, and my current position will end this December. A coworker who’s the manager of another section in the “Information Management” division said there’s a vacancy coming up in his section for a permanent position and he could look into getting me transferred there. This kind gesture provoked my current quandary. I don’t think I would really enjoy the work I would be doing if I hypothetically were offered this job. I certainly wouldn’t enjoy it as much as being a reference librarian, which I LOVE and KICK ASS AT (you should see my performance evals from my previous job where I did reference full time, they’re so glowing you’d think my grandma wrote them). Also it would mean a $10k/year salary drop.
Is it better to avoid a gap on my résumé by taking a job that’s sort of in a related field but not really, or to wait until I find a job that I’m really passionate about, since I’m fortunate enough that I can afford to be unemployed in the meantime? Is it good to diversify my skill set this way, or does it not matter since the skills I’d develop wouldn’t really come into play in a library job?
I wouldn’t feel good about taking a job knowing that the entire time I would just be waiting for an opportunity to jump ship. On the other hand, I’d be getting paid and avoiding losing my mind out of boredom (which I fear would happen if I were unemployed for a long time).
I don’t know, I kind of feel silly posting this since it’s so hypothetical, I could very well find another library job by December, or I could even be dead, or they could hire someone for that vacancy who actually wants THAT job. Most of my friends (including my husband) lean towards “take the job if offered, it’s better than nothing.” What do you lovely people think?
Ooh, this is tricky. I think a lot of it depends on factors only you can evaluate; if you take the job you don’t like it, how motivated will you be to keep looking for another job versus thinking “well, someday I’ll quit” and staying there longer than you’d like (which is what my lazy self would probably do)? If you don’t take the job, are you likely to spend six mind-numbing and increasingly anxious months looking for a new full-time job, or will you find one faster?
I think I’m actually leaning in the opposite direction as your friends, mostly because this job is a $10k/year salary drop, which could set your salary lower for the job you get after this one. If you thought this job was going to be great and the salary drop would be worth it, that’s one thing, but that’s not where you are. If you think it’s possible to find a job at your current salary level that you’ll like as much or more than the job being offered to you after about 3-4 months of looking, it’s probably a financial wash-out for that year, with long-term financial upsides for every year after that.
I think it really depends on the market. Like, how likely is it that you’ll be unemployed after December, and for how long, if you are looking for a job you will love. Taking a job you don’t want for a significant pay cut sounds like a desperation move, which I would avoid if you can.
And I’m saying this as someone who will rant against “do what you love” at the drop of a hat!
Is this helpful? http://inalj.com/
I just found a promising-looking job posting on INALJ which led to a govt job bank website, which in turn led to a staffing agency’s website, except the sole library job posted on the staffing agency’s site doesn’t match the posting on the govt job bank website, and now I am super confused.
But THANK YOU for the link, I always forget that INALJ is a thing somehow!
Good luck on your job hunt!
Not only are INALJ jobs a thing but they are updated Mon-Fri every week for nearly 4 years now by a huge team of LIS volunteers. On occasion we have a bad volunteer not update regularly but our followers let us know if the pgs are not updated
For those who need the direct link http://inalj.com/?p=1441
Good luck! This is a tough spot to be in.
Check with the staffing agency- I have found their sites are often lacking and they have more jobs than are posted.
Good luck!
hi Naomi / thanks Naomi, your site is the best
Hi fellow librarian. I vote take the job, if it is something you will at least find somewhat interesting and worthwile. Jobs are hard to come by in our field and having more experience will only make the next job easier.
However, I don’t think not taking the job is a terrible idea, if you can swing it financially.
as a fellow librarian, it depends on how desperately you need steady income. also your mobility. i was/am in a situation where i have to be the primary breadwinner, so i always advocate for taking what you can get locally and then moving for The Big One.
my personal philosophy has worked out really well for me, in that i am in my dream job now after a minimal amount of time in peripheral things i didn’t want as much. and we got to eat and live and not be totally miserable during the local “meh” positions, instead of me being fetal-positioned and terrified.
1. Fortunately I don’t desperately need a steady income because I am a married DINK and my husband is well-established in his career and out-earns me by a significant margin. I also have a decent amount of money in the bank (aggressive savings plans make me feel better about job insecurity.)
2. Unfortunately (I guess) I am not all that mobile due to husband’s job. It wouldn’t make any sense to move to a different city to live on a single mid-range salary when we can stay here and live on a higher salary + my occasional mid-range salary when I am working.
hmm in that case i would take the job and then keep applying to reference positions. see if you can do coursework/volunteering/local lib association stuff to keep your reference resume up to date (depending on if your reference rocking is public or academic).
but i am a cautious cautious turtle. i don’t think trusting that something else will happen is totally insane, i just know i would go squirrely. 😉 so if you are a less nervous personality it could work for you!
I live in constant background anxiety about the robot apocalypse and the collapse of the job market for anyone who isn’t in the business of telling robots what to do, so I think getting a broader base of experience, especially if it’s in an area that seems to be seeing growth while traditional library jobs decrease (“information management” is pretty broad, I guess, but regardless of the details, the job could probably sound plausibly relevant to a lot of Future Jobs as I imagine them) is a good idea. I fell into an information management-esque job after library school and wish I had stayed in the area, uninteresting as I found it compared to the library jobs I had had.
You will find a job by December. I will place (a non-significant amount of) money on it.
Start looking now; academic library jobs often take months of interview process, or could start with the January semester.
Make it clear when your contract will end and when you can start, and people will work around it. I think the job market is less fierce once you’ve already broken in; it took me six interviews to land my first post-MLIS job, but that was from February through July.
You have four months! You will find something.
Can I shrink you down and carry you around in my pocket so that you can periodically pop out and say reassuring things?
I was thinking about setting up one of those pay-per-text things, for moral-support-on-demand.
(Also: if you are also in Toronto we should just host some sort of Toastie-librarian-drinks thing, and peruse job ads together. Don’t forget about the U of T Jobsite — http://current.ischool.utoronto.ca/jobsite — mostly Canada, sometimes international, and every U of T library job ever.)
I’m in Ottawa, but I’m drinking with you in spirit!
TALK to them about the job. You don’t have to take it and indeed they haven’t offered it, but you might then make contacts for other opportunities, or you might discover that something about it appeals more than you think. Or you might love the people and decide what the heck.
Worst case, you get some interview practice and learn more about what kinds of work are out there even if they’re not for you.
Oh toasties, I cried at work this week! For the first time, and I’ve been here for five month, so as a frequent crier that’s actual pretty good? And also everyone was INCREDIBLY nice to me about it and reaffirmed how much I needed this kind of work environment. My boss even told me a story about a time she’d cried at the office. Hooray! But please tell me your crying at work stories. Am I the only one who does it? (I once had a friend tell me they were worried about me because I cry at work but I spend so much of my time there, it seems inevitable that I would cry!)
Oh Pamplemoussi, I cry EVERYWHERE. Work more than once. I’m glad you had supportive crying-at-work colleagues!
When I got back to the office last winter after having to take a very unplanned, six-week stress leave, I was sobbing during the whole meeting with my bosses and finally had to choke out “I’m not actually even upset! I’m so glad you’re being so kind! I feel so badly that I left you in the lurch!” and my boss was like “oh! I’m a crier too! Don’t worry about it!” So.
Oh! People being kind makes me cry even HARDER! I thought I was done crying and then someone came in to give me a hug and it made me start all over again! What’s with that?
This happens to me too!
Doesn’t everyone cry at least once while they’re still new at their jobs? I thought that was a law. It should be a law.
I have TWO things to say about crying at work. One is this article at Fast Company about the topic. The other is this essay I wrote about the time I cried at work and it was alluded to at an all-hands-meeting (like ~50 people).
Oh that essay was so good! Is it silly that the part I related to the most was ordering pizza when your Sim orders pizza? Although gah, that sounds like such a toxic work environment.
Ha, I am so glad you related to that! Thank you!
The work environment was BONKERS, let me tell you. Tons of young people with a young person in charge of them all, it was really amazing to witness and experience. Great bathroom though. Man, that bathroom.
I cry all the time and everywhere and I have most definitely cried at work.
I used to work in a library and sometimes I would just wander off to the stacks and a book title would make me well up and I would weep gently surrounded by book-smell for maybe five minutes, and then I felt better and would go back to work.
Supportive coworkers are GREAT, and it is such good news that you have them. Crying is okay! Some of us cry a lot because that is how we are wired, and other people are totally capable of understanding this fact!
I have cried at work many times. I cried in front of my amazing lady boss, and she told me a)not to worry about it, she’s cried at work, and b) it’s a gendered thing, and it’s not fair that men can yell and be seen as assertive but if a woman cries she’s seen as too emotional, so screw them (my paraphrase).
Yesssss it is totally a gendered thing and it’s so unfair. At my last job I was told in my yearly review that I was “too emotional” and my now-fiance blamed it on the patriarchy, which was the best response ever.
Your fiance is awesome.
Mostly when I’ve cried at work, it was after being criticized. So, you know, that goes over well. But! I am still well-regarded generally!
I cried at work last week. I broke down between meetings and in a meeting. Luckily the meeting was just me and someone I’ve worked closely with for years and love to bits. He was so concerned and tried to make me laugh. I said something about not wanting him to come to all the project meetings because it would be like “you don’t want to visit a sausage factory” (in that you won’t want to eat sausage after you see how it’s made). He teased me about thinking I said “sausage party” (in a good way, not in a problem way, to be clear). I totally went from crying at the beginning of the meeting to laughing at the end.
oh man, I once literally cried ON the VP of my company and still feel very anxious about it. We were in the kitchen and she good-naturedly asked how my boyfriend was (who I had dated for several years, had taken to company events, etc.) and we had literally just broken up that week. So, naturally, I immediately started weeping and told her about the break up and then she said something encouraging that just made it worse somehow so then she went in for a hug and I couldn’t stop weeping. Not my best moment.
I’ve also cried over project stuff, but this was really the worst.
I cry everywhere too. Including at work sometimes. My boss also happens to be a psychotherapist (it’s not a therapy office but that’s what his training is in) so sometimes meetings just turn into therapy sessions. He handles it pretty well though — the first time I did it I got really embarrassed and that made me cry MORE, and he just said “Look — if you want to take a break we can, but otherwise I trust that your brain can still work while there’s water coming out of your eyes, so I’m just going to keep going unless you want to stop.”
I like that line and I’ve used it since — something like, “I cry sometimes when I feel frustrated, but I’m perfectly capable of continuing the conversation. Let’s keep going.” I think people like it if you tell them how to react to you, so they’re not worried about upsetting you further.
I’ve had that experience of explaining while crying that this just happens sometimes and I can’t stop it. I’m stealing your explanation because it sounds better than my usual one and is very accurate for me! I think it’s important to let the person know that I’m not crying out of sadness, because that’s what people usually assume.
Yeah in my experience people who aren’t cryers (often men, but not always) really freak out if you cry and they think you are sad, or they have personally insulted you, and they have to take care of you. I’ve found that being direct about it does the best job of relieving awkwardness. It also helps me stop crying sooner if I don’t feel like I’m making THEM feel uncomfortable.
You have just made a huge light go on in my head. Because my daughter is a cryer like this, and she is only almost-5, and the response of the people around her varies hugely because OMG KID CRYING. When a lot of the time what she really needs is just to be left alone and to keep going while she cries so her body can finish what it is doing.
I think I am going to start teaching her to communicate that she will be fine, maybe even with just that line about her brain can still work with water coming out of her eyes, it seems like something she would like. I have been thinking about it a lot today because she started crying at school while I was there watching her teacher demonstrate something and of course I almost started crying too, and I was thinking about how I am going to teach her to manage it. But maybe she does not need to fix it, maybe she can just be the kid who cries while listening to the story about Clifford.
Oh that’s such a good response! I’m stealing that one for future use.
Ohhhhh I’m going to use that:
“I cry sometimes when I feel frustrated, but I’m perfectly capable of continuing the conversation. Let’s keep going.”
My boss told a story the other day about an old job he had where he heard crying fairly often (and he himself had cried) in his cube farm and one day it was really bad and this woman was literally under her desk sobbing.
And I definitely cried at the job I have now about 6 months in, when my good friend came and told me all the ways I was fucking up. Which sucked because it meant that people were bitching to her about my performance instead of telling me what I was doing wrong so that I could fix it. But, the flip side is that I have been here 2.5 years now and have been promoted and everyone thinks that I am Amazing and can do All the Things.
I am not normally a crier except when I have PMS, and then I am a “hide in the bathroom and cry” kind of person because I have issues about crying in front of people (except at fictional things like movies).
I actually cried on Wednesday when I was explaining a process to my supervisor. She wanted to know why I change a widget when it comes in when it should be set up to just go on without my edit. I told her I change the widget because the review dept lady bounces it back to me if I don’t and it’s much easier to change on the front than a day or so later after it bounces back. Super says “but we set it up to be more efficient so you wouldn’t have to do that anymore” and I said “we’ve had to change the widget since the day they were set up like this several months ago and again, easier to do when they come in as opposed to doing it later.” This is not a new problem and has been brought to super’s attention before but I cried because NO ONE FUCKING LISTENED TO ME WHEN I BROUGHT THIS UP EARLIER (like months ago when the problem first became apparent) AND IT IS VERY FRUSTRATING and she wouldn’t leave it alone. Also I didn’t get much sleep the night before due to anxious thoughts and I am a known cranky-pants on too little sleep.
That is totally the type of situation that makes me cry, too.
Tears are my physical response to feelings of simultaneous frustration and rage, so I’ve cried at work in situations where my buttons were being pushed and it wasn’t socially acceptable to leap across the table and throttle someone. I did eventually get better at spotting when someone was trying to push said buttons and responding in a better (for me ) way, but I certainly don’t rule out the possibility of crying at work again.
Cry when you need to! And good for your boss for being supportive.
“Crying is what I do instead of throttling someone.”
Beautifully condensed!
I have cried at work 3 times in the past 6 months! I’ve been in this job for about a year and half, and the unrelenting stress/negativity of it, plus a worsening of my untreated depression (which is now being treated, yay) just GOT to me. I was having an informal review with my boss (who is not a great manager, necessarily, but does appreciate me and my work), and describing what the work environment was like, generally and in relation to a specific person who was making my life hell, was just too upsetting when spoken aloud. I cried in her office, and then cried AGAIN in a meeting with HR that day. Things got better with that 1 person (who now doesn’t even speak to me), but the general environment still sucks, which caused another mini-meltdown like 2 weeks ago.
My good friend from the office has also cried on occasion, I was called in to help on a project specifically because the junior PM on it cried in front of my manager, I can think of at least 2 other people who worked here who said they used to just cry occasionally. So seriously, DO NOT FEEL BAD. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness or an inability to cope – it’s a stress reaction, and not just to sadness. I cry much more when I’m angry/frustrated and feeling helpless about fixing it, than when I’m actually sad. You just need to get it out, let it go, and move on. It’s embarrassing, sure, but I’m glad you work with nice people who didn’t give you shit for it.
I had broken up with my boyfriend about a week ago, and it was our new Deputy Director’s first day. . .and the Executive Director, who I hadn’t had much facetime with yet, was also in town to welcome him. About 20 minutes before we all went out for margaritas, the ex told me he was sleeping with this awful girl who I had always been a bit suspicious of when we were together. I managed to run out of the office to cry and pull myself together, except my friend/coworker noticed me coming back in looking a bit upset. Sooooo. . .two margaritas in, he says “Hey, what was up before, everything OK?” and ALL THE TEARS. In front of ALL THE MANAGEMENT. It was horrifying, but it was also probably the only time I’ll get the ‘he doesn’t deserve you, honey!’ talk from a pair of middle aged men, so. . .entertaining at least?
I recently had a similar conversation with a middle-aged dude about the kind of guy I should be dating — in a totally respectful and supportive way — and it was surprisingly endearing and a really wonderful talk, actually. OCCASIONAL good job being humans, middle-aged dudes! You’re still on notice as a whole, though.
I haven’t really cried at my current job (it’s pretty low-stress!) but I am a crier. My advisor from college still remebers how I started crying during our first meeting (during orientation week) because I wanted to retake Calc I in a proper college setting and he wanted me to go straight to Calc III because he thought I’d be bored.
Also, I am the person who got your postcard! Congratulations on the (still upcoming?) wedding!
Hooray! I’m glad my postcards made it across the border!
I am not a crier, maybe once a year max. And never ever in front of other people, most of my family has rarely seen me cry. But at one of my last jobs, my two bosses pulled me in and were giving me some criticism, which was infuriating because I worked my ass off for them and was the only one keeping the rest of the staff from revolting/quitting en masse because the bosses had gotten so horrible and were refusing to listen to the concerns/complaints of the staff; and the bosses are telling me they don’t see enough passion from me and maybe I should find another job. Anyway, I started crying, which was HORRIFYING, and that’s when I knew that I needed to quit. Because clearly I couldn’t work for people who saw me cry. (no but it was because I finally realized that if my job had gotten so bad I was actually crying, in front of other people, it was beyond time to go.)
I’m a big crier, and my boss is really uncomfortable with displays of emotion (it’s a cultural thing). She doesn’t handle it super well, which makes me cry more.
But this week, I got in MAJOR trouble for an incredibly minor mistake, and I decided NOT to cry out of spite. How is it spiteful not to cry? I have no freaking clue. But I jutted out my chin and narrowed my eyes and cried NOT A SINGLE TEAR. (Side note: it’s about time to leave my job)
100% a bawler. and then i cry harder because,” oh my god, i am SO SORRY that i am making this so awkward for you guys 🙁 🙁 🙁 “
This just abotu sums up my weekend. I did at least come second (to his sister, so if anyone had to beat me I am glad it was her), but also got the plague from being out in that all day! :coughsfeebly:
Look at that beautiful creature! The horse is pretty spectacular too. 😉
BEAUTIFUL!
He is delightful. We hand reared him because his mum got mastitis just before he was born, so she couldn’t feed him. I look at him all grownup and I remember holding him between my knees to bottle feed him and go all mushy. I find it hard to believe he doesn’t still look like this!
What a cutie! Love how Mom (?) is giving you worried side eye!
Sent from my iPad
Baaaaaaaby horse!
Gorgeous!!
I adore my crockpot. I use it to cook whole chickens, meaning I have delicious cooked chicken all week (rub the chicken with any salted seasoning mix, put in a crock pot for 6-8 hours or so, or put tons of garlic with some carrots and potatoes and a bit of white wine) and pulled pork (pork shoulder, sliced onions, and BBQ sauce for 8 hours. Or I do a ham, or stew, or baked beans, or stewed chickpeas.
On another note, I have finally admitted to myself that I don’t think I know how to fold t-shirts. They look folded, but when I take them out of the drawer a week later they have all these little wrinkles where the fabric wasn’t exactly flat. It’s kind of embarrassing. I’m a grown woman, how can I not be able to fold a shirt! But, here we are, and I’m not entirely sure how to go about learning. Would any of you Clean/Tidy/Organized/Competent People be willing to help out with advice?
I am crap at folding so I bought one of those Flip Fold things http://www.flipfold.com/ It works for me!
I don’t care how well something is folded. It’s gonna have wrinkles after a week in a drawer.
I was both hoping for and fearing this answer.
Not exactly the point, but this is the most useful shirt folding/organizing tip I’ve ever found: http://lifehacker.com/5726442/fill-dresser-drawer…
You can fit more in the same space, and if you stack them with the design showing, you don’t have to shuffle through to find exactly what you want!
I roll ’em, otherwise the drawer gremlins have an unfolding party. Plus, you can fit more in the drawer!
I hang up all my clothes except for pants for just this reason! So no help, but sympathy?
One-of-the-last calls for Toast Post! If you want to exchange postcards with Toasties, click the link and sign up. I’ll start matching people after a final roll call next week.
Toast Post Toast Post Toastie Toastie Toast Post!!
Yaaay I always miss these! Signing up now!
I only have a stable address ’till the start of October. Do you think that it would be worth signing up for receiving cards? (Definitely want to send ones, just not sure whether reciprocalness would work or not)
Hmmm sign up to receive cards, but can you put a note in your address section or somewhere else about who you are? When I match people, I’ll either a) match people I can harass on your behalf on twitter or b) include a note imploring people to mail you cards ASAP.
OK, will do!
Um… so I filled in the form and all, with my new fresh email account, and then promptly went and lost the password. Ooops.
So can you change the email address I gave to The Captain Nancy (no spaces) at gmail? Sorry, sorry sorry, I know this is heaps of work already organising all of this without my idiot mistakes making more work for you =(
It’s fixed 😉
Yay! Thank you so much!
Hooray I haven’t missed this one!
yeahhhhh round two, i’m in!
Hey, I have a question: I signed up a couple weeks ago, and I think I selected “only 1 match”. Upon reflection I would like 2-5 matches instead. Should I re-sign-up? If so, is there some way I should indicate “Please use this version of my sign-up form”? Note in the address field, maybe?
It’s fixed! 🙂
Cool, thank you!
I’m in!
Yes! Postcards are my jam!
Thank you, polka_stripes, for organizing this! And thanks to my matches for their patience. I’ve had the postcards addressed and in my handbag since the day before I was admitted to the hospital, and I just made it out to buy stamps, so I can get my cards in the mail now!
I collect cheesy post cards and I’m really excited to send some to ya’ll!
Yay, I haven’t missed it!
My dad has recently purchased a racing go-kart (it goes about 60km on the straight, and is basically a molded plastic chair an inch from the ground and an engine) that he races at the local speedway. At his insistence I went to the track with him Monday and raced it in one practice race and one proper race. I was not very good, and I was the only woman there, but I apologized to NO MAN and had so much fun, driving super face and sliding through all the turns. I am one giant bruise now, and keep making “vroom vroom” sounds at my desk.
Dads!
Also, that sounds incredible.
That. Sounds. Freaking. AMAZING.
I love making vroom vroom sounds even with no (apparent to anyone else) context. You go!
That sounds awesome! My dad does autocross and the meets generally let go-karts run through the course in between rounds. I’ve been too afraid to try the course in an actual car, but I would jump at the chance to to it in a go-kart.
If you get the chance! It was so much fun!
Did you know that Daphne du Maurier wrote a romance novel about a dashing French pirate? I didn’t until very recently but it’s been a source of delight in an otherwise tiresome week.
YES I read this as an impressionable youth.
I just read it. I am sorry to have to admit that I hated it. I’m not even sure why. I was super excited when I found it, because I love Rebecca, and then no. I think part of it was the way she kept hitting me over the head with THE THEME OF THIS BOOK IS ESCAPE. THE CREEK IS A SYMBOL OF ESCAPE. ESCAPE ESCAPE ESCAPE.
I can see that – it’s very … template-y? I suppose? Like the very basic structure of a Certain Type of Romance Novel without much extra in the way of characterizations or plots or sex scenes. But I’ve enjoyed it anyway.
I hope I didn’t come across as trying to ruin it for you. I think if I had been in a different mood I would have enjoyed it a lot.
Oh not at all! Your criticism is valid, and it’s not the genre of book I generally go for either.. I guess I’ve been in the mood for ESCAPE ESCAPE ESCAPE.
It’s been a rough week – I’m 36 weeks pregnant and full on haaaaaating my job and the two together = no sleep. It’s a bad sign when all I do at the office is write and rewrite letters of resignation, right? Especially given that I have a guaranteed break as soon as the baby comes?
Been there, done that! Are you looking at other jobs now?
Yes – that’s the other thing I do at the office 🙂
I am having a hard time thinking about actively pursuing new a new job though until I’m not so obviously pregnant/immediately postpartum. I mean, I know that baby-having is a protected class in employment law and all, but I just really doubt anyone would see me these days and manage to look past the belly.
Been exactly there! I agree that realistically, it’s a tough sell to be super-pregnant and interviewing for jobs. You’d never be able to prove that’s why they didn’t hire you.
How much can you emotionally disassociate from the job for now? Do you have a decently long break after baby comes? Keep looking for jobs for sure, but maybe give yourself a deadline like, I will aim to be out of here by X months after I return from maternity leave?
I like the idea of a deadline – having benchmarks is definitely something I find helpful. Thanks for the idea!
Well, maybe coming up with a solid resume and some ready-to-tailor cover letters is the way to go for now, to have in your pocket for later.
Also, 36 weeks, you’re almost done!!! Yay!!!
| Also, 36 weeks, you’re almost done!!! Yay!!!
Thank god! I love my kids and all but being pregnant sucks ass toward the end.
I have yet to find a slow cooker recipe that uses raw ingredients* and takes less trouble than doing it on the stove or in the oven, but my slow cooker gets a LOT of use because:
-lazy ass fruit jams all summer. these don’t set up like jam with pectin, nor are they safe for long-term storage like water bath canned jam. But I end up eating all the jam mixed in yogurt, stirred into cocktails, baked into crisp bars or into muffins, or eaten with a spoon.
-MULLED WINE ALL WINTER Y’ALL
-oh, and hoppin john once a year on New Year’s Eve.
*no hate on slow cooker recipes with canned or processed ingredients–I grew up eating that way and there is no better chicken parm than chicken parm simmered all day in a jar of tomato sauce. But I get a CSA and live near a banging farmstand so my food needs usually revolve around “use up this delicious produce before it goes off.”
This sounds like my cooking style! Do you adapt recipes for the slow cooker or pull them from somewhere?
Most slow cooker recipe books I’ve seen are big on convenience foods as ingredients, so if I try something new for the slow cooker I usually google the ingredients I’ve got plus “slow cooker” or “braise” sometimes works. For example, I tried this Food & Wine recipe to use up some Napa cabbage, but once I’d chopped everything and browned the meat and added the onions and whatnot, it wasn’t any simpler or easier than just doing it in a sturdy cookpot.
Also, as much as I love a good meat braise, I don’t buy or cook with meat often enough for slowcookin’ it to be a regular part of my kitchen routine.
Ok, I’m convinced. Not going to spend $100 on a cooker, but I’ll see what I can find. Thanks!
Have you seen Slow Cooker from Scratch? They do a pretty good job of curating recipes that avoid a lot of processed foods
No I had not! Looks good, well organized. I skimmed through a few vegetable recipes and they look promising, although it remains to be seen if the ones I like measure up to standard #2: easier in the crockpot than on the stove.
Paleo Slow Cooker may be your jam. Not in the lazy-ass fruit sense. I have only made two recipes from it but both have been good so far. http://www.amazon.com/Paleo-Slow-Cooker-Cookbook-…
I posted the recipe I use for slow-cooker chicken downthread. Nothing out of a box, can, or bag (unless you count the chicken)!
Wait! I need to know about these lazy ass fruit jams! All the recipes I’ve seen seem to be for people that are planning to can/store them long-term, but how long does it keep if you just stuff it in a bottle and put it in the fridge? I’m too lazy to go through the rigamarole of water baths.
Toast! I had a great week. Visa approved, lawsuit settled (long story). And! I don’t know if anyone will remember this, but a few months ago I posted as Dany about this sexy climbing dude who I wanted to ask out. I ended up messaging him on a networking site and he never replied, AND I never saw him at the gym again.
Well. Last night I went for the last time before I leave the country, and there he was! I was expecting to awkwardly say hi and be all, “So, uh, did you get my message?” but he was chatty, and asked me to come out for beers with him before I got a chance. So we went out, drank beer til the wee hours, and then I crashed at his place because it was too late to catch a train home.
Nothing er, special happened there, but he wants to meet up again before I go. I am very, very into this idea! Personality wise, I found him a bit odd, nothing awful but hey, it’s not his personality that I want to ROLL IN THE HAY with.
What are the odds though, seriously? We never did talk about the message so it’s unclear if he ever got it or not, but it’s still nice that I got a bit of closure on that situation!
Ohh I remember that story! Glad it kind of sort of is on it’s way to working out 😉
Yay for visa approvals!!! The paperwork is the worst.
And sounds like a nice continuation of the hot-rock-climber story
Paperwork is evil. Hot rock climbers soothe the pain of paperwork. This is what I have decided.
Haha I remember that! What an unexpected turn of events! I hope it becomes a sexy unexpected turn of events, and then you go off for your international adventure like a boss.
I like this comment, I’m making it word for word my plan for the next week. “To do: sexy unexpected turn of events, go on international adventure like a boss”.
I got my visa approved too! I had to fly to San Francisco for it, which was a huge pain as I live in Alaska, and I had to tear my parents’ house apart looking for a copy of my latest diploma, of all things, but I did it and I just got the visa in the mail.
I love my Slow Cooker only slightly less than I love my son.
I modified an Autumn Brisket from the “Fix It & Forget It” cookbook & it was glorious:
-3 lbs. brisket, salted & peppered
-1 lb. sweet potato sliced into 1-inch pieces
-4 carrots, cut into pieces
-1 can Cream of Celery soup
-2 tsp. Carraway Seeds
-1 cup water
-Ground cinnamon & nutmeg
Brisket on bottom, then potatoes/carrots, then combined water/soup, spices on top. Cook on high for 4 hrs., or low for 8 hrs. Great with corn-on-the-cob.
Ooh that sounds wonderful! I am going to make that as soon as it feels like Fall around here.
It was 90 degrees when I made it last week, but I still felt like putting on a sweater and pretending not to like Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
Earlier this week, Blunderboyfriend said to me, “Speaking of gender identity, I’m trying to find a bible other than the Message (which I love but is technically a paraphrase) that is 100% gender inclusive outside of the creepy old testament shit. I realized today that my beloved NRSV/ESV is awfully macho.”
I said, “This sounds like the perfect topic for The Toast Open Thread.”
He replied by saying, “Yes! If you ask them… “Christianity” is huge and multifaceted. It can be totally macho or totally inclusive and is usually defined by the individual and the type of religious community they chose to/not to engage with. Does changing the non-universal instances of he, him, man, etc to a non-gender specific word make the Bible more inclusive? Does revising the text of a specific translation to be gender neutral dilute the meaning to people? Does anyone actually feel such things should be changed/are necessary? I had more thoughts that were stronger than those listed above but I haz the dumb.”
He’s pretty cute, too.
So, what do you think? Any recommendations? Any further discussion?
OOOOOOOHHH
*Cough* sorry, I love talking about this stuff. I took a whole class on Gender and Religion once, and spent a lot of time talking about how referring to God as Father/Mother changes lots of things because of the cultural connotations and stuff. I’m not sure about a Bible version, but as far as reading goes, She Who Is by Elizabeth A. Johnson was good (though it’s been a while since I read it) and the writings of Julian of Norwich are a lovely foray into the idea of God as Mother–which is still gender-specific, but would maybe be interesting.
At the mention of Julian of Norwich, I have to link to the folk song named after her, which I think is nice.
I don’t have recommendations, but yeah, changing God from the default male pronoun makes things more inclusive. I was raised in a church where women basically cannot do anything – not even teach kids much older than preteens, a lot of the time. And I am smart and was pretty into all that stuff, and at some point, you just stop trying, you know? It’s not just one thing, or even a lot of little things, it’s everything is premised on the idea that Women Shouldn’t Do This. So why bother?
I have strong feelings about inclusive language, but no translation recommendations. I think it’s really important to not use man/he/him as generic/universal. At the same time, I have no problem referring to Jesus as “him,” due to Jesus being a human man. (And also god….)
I really fail to see how it would be any more difficult to adjust the offending parts of the Old Testament than the New. And ‘fixing’ one but not the other would be a deliberate attempt to make one look more progressive than it actually is, by direct contrast, so I hope nobody would.
I think that improving the Bible is a fine thing, it certainly needs it, but once you go past retranslation into rewriting it begins to be a new holy text and not just an adapted old one. I have stronger religious feelings about historical accuracy and fidelity in translation than I do about the actual religious content of the Bible, and I understand a believing Christian would naturally have different priorities. It just bugs me to see intentional blurring of the distinction between what the Bible should say and what it does say. I think that any such project would have to have heavy, heavy, practically endless footnotes both for purposes of scholarship and honesty and transparency and so that new readers and young people did not get the unpleasant shock of their lives when they went out and picked up a more faithful translation of their holy text.
My understanding is that the means by which the Bible has been translated into modern English have done a TON of revising “what it does say” to “what it should say,” but I am no biblical historian.
That’s my understanding too (but I’m not a biblical scholar either. )
“I have stronger religious feelings about historical accuracy and fidelity in translation than I do about the actual religious content of the Bible, and I understand a believing Christian would naturally have different priorities. It just bugs me to see intentional blurring of the distinction between what the Bible should say and what it does say.”
Well, I’m a believing Christian, but I agree 100%. The Bible should indeed say things other than what it does – the language and content of some of its books are misogynistic and support all kinds of wicked practices, like keeping slaves and killing disobedient children, etc. – but that’s no reason to correct it. We can’t change the fact that modern Christianity’s predecessors did indeed have these awful beliefs and practices, and we shouldn’t try to cover it up. Those parts of the Bible stand as a record of the way that the messed-up aspects of a given culture, like slavery and patriarchy and whatnot, can permeate everything, and warp that culture’s understanding of God. Modern Christians should be wary of this, because it is definitely still happening.
I am faith-lazy (not really lapsed so much as simply Not Active), so I haven’t spent a lot of time in recent years thinking about stuff like this, but a thing I carry with me is the idea that all of the horror depicted in the Bible is part of the history of the people of the Bible AND that the promise of Jesus is the idea that grace could deliver us from the horror.
“Those parts of the Bible stand as a record of the way that the messed-up aspects of a given culture, like slavery and patriarchy and whatnot, can permeate everything, and warp that culture’s understanding of God.” That is really powerful. As much as I may have thought about the history aspect, this might be the first time I’ve thought about how a person’s place in history might affect their relationship with/to the Divine.
Neat.
Exactly. Getting to the truth while acknowledging the problems with the historical context is one of the challenges of being a believing Christian, and I think it should be treated as such, instead of trying to sweep things under the rug and go “Everything’s fine here, we’ve always been perfect, nothing to see!”
Updating the Bible honestly reminds me of the time some Republican congressman (U.S.) decided to read the Constitution aloud to remind everyone how faithful they were supposed to be to it, then deliberately didn’t read the part about slavery.
Also, updating the Bible to reflect modern morality and sensibilities seems to imply, “Well, things were pretty awful back then, but we’re all better now. Our translation won’t have any problems at all.”
I don’t have any bible recommendations, but I took a class on women in theology in college (from the truly spectacular Rev. Dr. Flora Wilson Bridges, who also happens to be aunt to Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, and who distressed the older male leadership of my Jesuit school by referring to God as She every time she was called on to speak at school events), and one of the books I remember really liking was Sexism and God-Talk by Rosemary Radford Ruether (there were more, but I don’t remember them right off the top of my head).
I’ve done a lot of Old Testament translation work, and basically no matter how good you are, you end up having to do a lot of guesswork sometimes. Context is important, and there’s so much that we don’t always understand that I think changing pronouns would basically just be a drop in the bucket, you know? I don’t think it dilutes the meaning at all. That said, my Biblical Hebrew professor was pretty strict about “keeping the sexism intact” because he felt like translating it differently meant erasing the sexism and pretending it hadn’t been there at all, which I understand and appreciate.
Of course, like I said, that’s all Old Testament stuff, which doesn’t necessarily apply here. Basically: translation of ancient sources is weird and changing pronouns will probably not be the weirdest thing about a translation. (I came out of class one day totally convinced that Cain killed Abel out of self-defence, so.)
I definitely want to hear more about Abelgate, please.
Seconding this!
With the caveat that all of my notes and books are scattered about and this is all from memory and it’s been ages since I looked at this one: okay, so Cain is a farmer and Abel is a shepherd, right, and Cain makes a sacrifice of his harvest and that’s all well and good, but Abel straight-up kills some of his flock and God’s like “???” A lot of translations say that God has “respect” for Abel’s sacrifice but not Cain’s, but if I remember correctly, a better translation is “regard” or “gaze.” There’s no need to look at Cain’s offering, because only fruits were harmed in the making of this sacrifice. But an altar full of sheep bits is kind of questionable, especially if you never asked anyone to do that, so God is looking upon that sacrifice with extra consideration.
So Cain’s kind of like 🙁 because Abel’s getting attention, and God’s like “if you do good things you will be rewarded, but if you don’t do good, sin crouches at the door, and unto you is his desire, but you may rule over him.” I think the weird bit about this bit (again, my notes are awol) was that “sin” was a feminine noun, so the “his” and “him” were grammatically weird. Even if you go with a translation of “it” rather than “him,” it’s still off. Unless God is referring to Abel: Abel is not doing good, sin is taking over Abel, Abel desires to do something to Cain, and since we’ve just seen that Abel’s desires include spontaneously chopping up some of his flock, it reads more like a specific warning against Abel than a general warning against sin, and reassurance that Cain can defeat him.
And then Cain goes and talks to Abel. Like, that’s literally all we know is that they had a conversation, there are no clues as to what that conversation entailed, and then Cain kills Abel. I am inclined to believe, given the context, that Cain’s intent in initiating the conversation was just to be like “hey, uh, heard some weird shit about you,” and things escalated. Without knowing the conversation, though, it’s hard to say what happened, but there’s enough weirdness and confusion about the whole story that any decent defense lawyer would be able to get Cain exonerated.
THIS IS PHENOMENAL.
I also think that all biblical study should be conducted using this tone FOREVERMORE.
I feel strongly that material being written now should be gender-inclusive. I’m less certain when it comes to translation, since a big part of a translator’s work is to represent the original text accurately. Revisions of biblical language do make a meaningful difference in inclusion, definitely. But if someone wants to use a translation for study with any historical dimension then fidelity to the original also matters. If I recall correctly, the NRSV uses inclusive language when discussing groups of people that are obviously mixed–e.g. in Paul’s letters, addressing the churches as “my brothers and sisters” instead of just “brothers,” on the reasoning that women actually are included in that address and that should be reflected in the language–but doesn’t change the language when God is referred to as male or as Father. Getting around that would require either rethinking the translation pretty significantly to avoid personal pronouns, or using “God” or “God’s” in every situation where a pronoun is called for (a workaround I’ve noticed in hymns), or using a singular “they” for the divine. I’m not aware of any translation that’s made that last choice, since it’s not universally embraced by style guides, but I would be interested to learn of one!
After reading everyone’s interesting and thoughtful posts above, it seems it boils down to one question. It’s a matter of whether the reader considers the Judeo-Christian bible the work of humans or God’s writing. Calling it a joint God/human effort requires that it reflect a culture at a fixed point in the past as well as requiring it to include all of humanity.
I recommend reading all feminist and womanist (African American feminist) theology ever.
I would highly recommend reading The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd. She eloquently describes her awakening to gender issues within Christianity, particularly Protestantism’s repression, denial, and warping of the role and identity of women.
Growing up, my mother’s response to feminist critiques of Christianity was always that she saw herself as included in ‘men’, in verses and songs, she saw herself as part of mankind. For a long time that worked for me too, but at some point it wasn’t enough. The words we use have an impact, and an acknowledgment of the feminine as equally human, and equally part of the Imago Dei, would be profound. (full disclosure, I’m agnostic now, but I still think about this stuff a lot.)
Toasties, last week one of my kittens had a big scab/sore on her head, and we took her into the vet and he pulled bloody clumps of hair out of her head, and it was gross, and then told me I had the delightful task of putting a topical antibiotic onto the scab to get it to maybe go away, and doing that was also gross. But it worked! And my kitty is now scab-free (it was a granuloma, actually not just a scab, but that’s what it looked like). Yay for healthy kitties!
In further news, my wife is an amazing goddamn baker, and she is baking me a birthday cake that is a chocolate peanut butter cake, and it looks like it is going to send me to my early death in the tastiest way possible. This is made even more impressive when I tell you that my wife actually hates the combination of chocolate and peanut butter, but is willing to suffer through making a cake of it because she loves me. I am a lucky man, toasties!
I’m glad your kitty is getting better. And, if you have pictures the Cat Thread a little bit above this would be happy to see them.
I can do this!
my wife actually hates the combination of chocolate and peanut butter
Your wife is a human being, you say? Are you sure?
Well, she’s either a human being or a very convincing clone.
I’m on board with the wife.
She is totally correct, peanut butter desserts are terrible and adding chocolate is just ruining good chocolate.
Think of it this way. Never will I ask him to share his chocolate/peanut butter things with me. Seems like he’s getting a pretty good deal.
no but seriously I want that cake
If you like to cook or can con someone into doing it for you, Smitten Kitchen has a BOMB chocolate/peanut butter cheesecake recipe that I made for my BF’s birthday. Not only did he love it, but his parents had some and gave me their seal of approval before they had even met me.
Okay, so hypothetically, if one had a friend who was an excellent baker, and said friend was feeling guilty for not actually being a great friend recently, how terrible would it be to sort of gently suggest that cake fixes guilt? Hypothetically.
This is the one: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2008/08/chocolate-…
omg
That looks amaaaaaazing.
Omgggggggggggggg thank you thank you.
It’s weird making a cake you can’t taste. I mean…I could taste it, but then I would gag. And yet to you it tastes perfectly lovely! So perplexing!
ps your cake is done, but you’re not here to lick the batter or frostings so it’s all getting washed down the drain :p
No! You are evil for telling me this while I am stuck at work in (literally) a meeting that is discussing future meetings. This is not fair!
You two are adorable.
Step 1: Go apple picking
Step 2: Give all apples to partner
Step 3: Partner makes applesauce happen in crockpot, home smells amazing, apples are tasty
(All of my crockpot recipes involve “give food ingredients to partner, wait til partner makes meal occur”.)
Make some of that sauce into apple butter, mm mm mm.
Partner does that also! Partner is food genius!
That’s how I cook: “Sweetheart, I’m hungry.” Then food magically happens.
I made crockpot peach butter last year out of the peaches and peach scraps (pits, skin) leftover from making peach jam. It was heavenly.
Thought this might be of interest to Toasties! I’ve never been so proud of something so stupid.
Just snort guffawed at my desk. I do a lot of GIS work for my job – did you make this image? I need a print for my desk. It is essential.
I did make it! Feel free to print it.
I got a good chuckle out of it, thanks 🙂
Hee, this made me giggle (especially Ruins of Old Mapp).
If ever you’re in Little Mapwich-on-Map, be sure to stop in at the Mapwich Arms.
Oh my god this is great
If I opened a book and saw this on the first page, I would buy the book on the spot.
Now I want a book that has that map on the first page. Someone please write it?
Great map, but you left out Mappleville. No worries, everyone does. That’s how we get them, though. They blunder in, and never leave–
I just noticed that all the directions on the compass rose are “M” for “Map” and for some reason that was what sent me over the edge into snort-laughing.
They may not all stand for “Map” but instead stand for the four cardinal directions–Morth, Mouth, Meast, and Mest.
I especially enjoy the historical trail leading from Little Mapwich-on-Map into The Mapwood. There’s a lovely place to get cookies and snacks and things in town along the The River Map, as well.
In other news, the inane repetition of the no-longer-a-word-but-a-vocal-sound of “map” has made me map-ing happy.
-I have not proposed my intention that we should get married one day to my boyfriend despite many ample opportunities, because I am a wuss. Thank you for all of your various suggestions on how I should go about it, though!
-I am reading The Devil in the White City and have not stopped doing this since I started.
That was my reaction to Devil in the White City, too, but I could NOT put it down!
I couldn’t finish Devil in the White City, and I say that as someone who plows through novels like they’re candy.
The Devil in the White City was so good!! I listened to as an audiobook while driving and let me tell you, it was really difficult to do that octopus shuffle while driving. Totally worth it though.
Have hope!
My wife and I never really proposed. We started talking about what we should do when we’re married when we were drunk. Next time it came up, we were less drunk. Eventually, she just said “Is it cool if we just do this in June?”
No kneeling, no dramatic asking, just “when should we do this thing we’re obviously doing?”
That’s how my husband and I did it. I would suspect you are him, but we didn’t get married in June.
The time will come, don’t worry! I was so super nervous about proposing, and I kept putting it off, until I finally just forced myself to ask.
Devil in the White City was fantastic, and kept having me in biggest bugged out eyes thinking “really? really?? oh god, no, really???”
i’m not sure how to broach the marriage things – but i’m not sure it ever gets less nervousmaking and that alone does not a wuss make. good luck!
Personal finance thread! It’s all about the Benjamins (or Bordens, if you are me) – how is everyone this week? My husband and I had some real talk this week and are going to start looking at leaving our beautiful (but overpriced and lowly paid) island for the big money prairies. It’s hard to think about leaving our home, but our plan has always been to live frugally, save, and retire early to see the world, and we could doubly our salaries by moving and cut our timeline in half. Anyone else thinking big thoughts about their financial futures?
(Welcome to the Prairies, if you head out this way – come to Calgary and we’ll have you over for dinner!)
Personal finance is actually getting somewhere. We’re still not quite where I’d like to be, but budgeting is helping!
I will! I never had much luck with budgeting – we found that goal setting, with small rewards when goals were reached worked well for us.
I sent up a budget on Mint and realized I’ve been wayyyyy overspending on my entertainment. This website sends me updates when I go over budget, so that will encourage me to not buy that next drink at the bar. Also, I want that $100 per month in excess to go towards a Thailand vacation next summer, so that should be good incentive!
I also came to the realization that I need to be paying 50% more per month on my student loans… That’s a bummer but I really want to get that debt off my back. Luckily, my landlord mother said my “rent” for the condo will be me putting the average rent around here towards my debt. Now I just need to find a full time job, so I can make that happen!
I love the idea of living frugally and retiring young, but gosh I really want to travel now before I have kids. It’s a constant battle for me.
We don’t wants kids, or to own a home, so it works out pretty well for us!
I just hate working, you know?
That makes total sense, go you!
I am slowly transitioning to cash-only for most spending, reining in my online spending, and about to pay off an outstanding bill (not a recurring bill like rent or insurance).
Soon I’ll start removing credit cards from my wallet just to keep them ‘out of sight out of mind’
so I guess not big thoughts, but a bunch of little steps towards a big goal (debt-free by 2016)
My boyfriend and I have also been talking in endless circles about moving. His parents are moving, and we have the chance to buy their beautiful, lovely house at a reasonable price. At the moment, we live in a trailer park. We could afford the house, but it would be pretty much all our savings gone and would pretty much double our mortgage which is also doable but would cut into the amount I can put away each month. The plan had been to stay in the trailer, pay it off a few years from now, and save really really aggressively for a few more years. Meanwhile, my mother doesn’t think we should buy a house together unless we get married, but do you know what’s really expensive? Weddings.
I’m reading the Wall Street Journal’s guide on home owning *insert joke HERE about author’s name being Crook, and writing for a Journal-affiliated project* right now. It came out in 2008, so the doom and gloom of that year’s housing market are hanging over it, but it’s well-written, and encouraging me to think clearly about my economic situation.
Wait do you live on Prince Edward Island?!
This week I had a terrible cold so I threw myself a pity party in the form of buying lunches out but I basically fell asleep at 7pm every night after eating a little bit of hummus for dinner so I didn’t really spend any more money than normal. This weekend I have to do a big grocery shop. Two weeks from now I’m traveling across the country for a wedding and I have to start making (expensive) Christmas plans since my family lives across the country. I am about to start a new page of my Christmas gift spreadsheet for 2014.
Last weekend I went to the Maryland state fair and ended up so unsatisfied for the amount of money I spent. It wasn’t catastrophic – about $80. But I got pressured into rides and the food wasn’t even that good. I knew it wasn’t going to live up to the glory that is the Minnesota State Fair but it was worse than anticipated. At least I know not to go next year. Anyone else made any misjudgments lately?
No, the other side of the continent – Vancouver Island (the far superior island).
Nothing eats away at me like a financial misjudgement!
I’ll have to put that on my “To Visit in Canada” List. I just visited PEI this summer and loved it.
I know, right?! That could have been almost all the breakfast sandwiches on this best breakfast sandwiches list!!! But I’m trying to let it go. http://www.seriouseats.com/2014/07/best-breakfast…
Vancouver Island is great! I’ve never been to PEI though…
I’m two months away from paying off one of my credit cards (YAY!), and the other card’s APR won’t kick in until next April, so I’m gonna be in pretty good shape debt-wise! As far as saving goes, this week I made the decision to only contribute 1% (which is the amount of my employer match) to my 403(b), use the funds I would have put in there to aggressively pay off my credit card debt til the April APR introduction, and shop for a Roth IRA to use alongside my 403(b) in the meantime. Thanking my imaginary boyfriend/patron saint of smart saving Mike Dang for all this financial inspiration…
mike dang is also my imaginary bf. I have learned about the bank where I want to set up a roth IRA. once I reach my savings goal (which i chronicle on the billfold) I will set it up, I think.
I’ve been checking things off my to-do list this week, and I’m quite proud of myself!
– Started a gratitude journal
– Created my budget on Mint
– Went to a movie on Tuesday and trivia on Wednesday with friends
– Followed up to see when I will be reimbursed for a Hungarian bus cancellation
– Followed up to see when I will be awarded my scholarship money from May
Anything y’all checked off your to-do list this week?
That’s a lot of stuff! It’s so easy to let these little things slide and just never get them done. High fives for you!
I put a bunch of my belongings online to sell, packed one suitcase, had a meeting with my housing agency, and cleaned out my kitchen cupboards.
I let things fall through the cracks all the time, so it was nice not to do that for at least a week. Maybe this is how organized people feel all the time??
May I ask how you are selling your stuff online? That all sounds like a lot of work, so good work!
I wrote a poem, cleaned bathrooms and vacuumed, and did yoga three times on my living room floor!
Awesome! I’ve been meaning to start up yoga again, this time at my house. Do you do any routines?
I follow Yoga With Adriene because I am a beginner and the way she does things makes good sense to me. Check out her youtube!
Will do!
How is Mint working out for you? I recently downloaded the app and there’s a delay of 24+ hours between the time when I make a purchase on debit/credit and the time when Mint finally lists the transaction and deducts it from the appropriate budget. Idk if that’s just how Mint works or if it’s something I should contact customer service about.
I’m glad it’s the end of the month so I can start over with a new budget, I was traveling for the first 2 weeks of August and incurred a lot of expenses that wouldn’t happen in day-to-day life at home.
I think the 1-day delay is pretty average. I look at everything once a week so it doesn’t bother me too much. I was just downloading my statements into Excel and hashing through them before, so Mint is a major upgrade for me. Something that automatically categorizes my purchases? Technology! I like the trends graphs too.
My birthday was in the beginning of August, so I feel ya. I hope I will be able to save more in September, and I figure out a way to spend time with friends but going to only one restaurant a week.
The delay wouldn’t bother me nearly as much if Mint didn’t brag about how it updates my accounts every time I open the app, when that is clearly a lie. The app for my actual bank shows purchases instantly, Mint, what’s your excuse?
Mine does show things instantly, or at least within several hours (most of the time – an odd purchase sometimes doesn’t show for a while, but I think that’s not Mint, that’s wherever I’m spending the money, because purchases made AFTER the missing ones will show up). They register as pending for a while but they are there, pending, right away.
I was at a conference for most of the week, so I only got around to Getting Things Done after I got home today. But it sure felt good to do them!
*Booked exhibition tickets with a friend for next week
*Paid the final amount for my trip to Berlin in October–I managed to pay for travel and accommodation in July and the trip activities this month, so I didn’t have to hit up my credit card.
*Got a check I’ve been waiting for in the mail today that I will deposit tomorrow.
I got the internal promotion! I’m now a permanent employee with more interesting and challenging work! And I have BENEFITS. And a pension plan, and holiday. Whaaat.
Congratulations!!!
congratulations!!!
Congratulations!!!!
Great! Congratulations!
Congratulations!! That’s so awesome!
BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE!
wonderful! you deserve it.
Congratulations!
woot!
This weekend is the anniversary of my marriage, the anniversary of my birth, and the first time my little sister is coming home to visit from college! Everything’s coming up ME. I’m going to knit and bake a cake for myself and go out to eat and nap and watch movies and have a generally wonderful time surrounded by loved ones. Hooray! I wish all of you as great a weekend as I have planned.
Another crock pot favorite. Kalua (Hawaiian luau) pork:
-1 pork roast/butt. Size up to you
-Pierce pork all over with a fork & liberally rub it with Hawaiian sea salt (or other course sea salt), black pepper, and liquid smoke.
-Place a whole banana (in the peel, but with the peel sliced open length wise) on top of the pork.
-Cook for 8-10 hrs. on low
-Serve with white rice and/or fruit salad
The banana gives it a slight banana-y flavor that replicates the taste of pork wrapped in a banana leaf.
Going to Sedona this weekend to scout locations for the ceremony of legally binding forever love! Woop woop. Sedona is wonderful and wacko.
And our little pooch was kinda sick this week and we had to take him to the vet a couple times and he got a finger up his butt yesterday and didn’t like it one bit, but he seems to be doing better.
So all in all, complaints are few and far between!
that’s so exciting!! my friends are getting married in Sonoma next year at the Ramekins Culinary School and they seem very very happy with everything they’re offering. Good luck!
My little female dog sends best wishes to your little canine. She loves our vets and is very cooperative. Until they want to stick something up her butt. She says the whole ordeal is OK with her, just please skip that part.
Hey Toasties, is anyone going to the Baffler conference “Feminism For What?” in NYC on Sept. 13? http://www.thebaffler.com/events/conference/
Any ladies on here play pool/billiards? I have a couple of questions specific to how the female form affects your game, eg, stance, avoiding boobs while shooting, bridge/behind the back/opposite hand for hard to reach shots?
I am a dude who plays billiards, so I can offer no advice, but I am interested in hearing what shakes out of this question!
Do you play in a league? APA by any chance?
No league, but the beau and I play 2-3 times a week on proper tables. We play well together (hehe) because he’s better than I, and plays shots that I wouldn’t think of, so always learning. Plus, he never, ever offers an opinion or suggestion unless asked. And we’re both sincerely happy for each other over great shots, and only competitive with other people. He could probably be in a league, but my game isn’t consistent enough. I can’t figure out what the variable is, but sometimes I’m brilliant, other times not. That’s why I’m looking for advice on stance (women have a diff center of gravity then men), boob-avoidage (painful and throws off the draw), etc.
Clearly, you should hack off a boob or two and play like a fierce Amazon warrior! (Sorry for the lack of actual advice…)
Changes in my schedule mean I have to fit in a lot more yoga at home than at studios, so I’ve been doing some rad YouTube classes and want to know if any other Toasties do this and have favorites–I have found several great channels but am always looking for more, and also any non-yoga workout videos (that are still doable in a rather small bedroom). Stay-at-home-worker-outers, assemble!!
I have no additional channels to add but I did not know you could find classes on YouTube and I would love links to the ones you’ve found!
Ooh, which channels do you like?
I have few favorites that I pick and choose from, depending on what I’m in the mood for: YogaYak has a few good ones; I like Yoga with Adrienne but most of her videos are on the shorter side and I’m usually looking to do a 45+ minute flow; Do Yoga With Me has a pretty good variety; I like Ali Komenova for when I want a bit more of a challenge.
Lesley Fightmaster and Tim Senesi have awesome long videos, I love Do Yoga With Me also. I’ve seen Adriene around so will check her out; I tried to do an Ali Komenova but was not into her style of narration (a big factor!)
I would love to know too! Not yoga, but I have used Fitness Blender sometimes and it’s pretty good! They have a million and one videos ranging from short to long, so you can put together or find something that fits your timeframe, which is nice.
I really like Yoga with Adriene! I especially like her Vinyasa Flow and her Yoga for Detox. They’re only 20 minutes, but often I only really want 20 minutes of Yoga.
Yes – second this!!
What channels do you use??? I am slowly easing into at-home yoga and am very fickle about videos. I like Tara Stiles (Styles?) but there’s no other channels I’ve been able to find that I consistently like.
I like some of Sadie Nardini’s videos. She has her own channel but has also done videos for a couple of others (I would include links but YouTube is blocked at work)
for other good at home workouts I use 12minuteathlete (high intensity intervals) periodically. I have also used various yoga channels that come free on itunes – whichever style you like, there will be one. dave farmar has power yoga. i just do the free ones on yogadownload, but they are pretty short. (I have a gym membership with my work, so this is for the tired/need to stretch times for me)
If you don’t mind paying some money for Yoga classes, yogatoday.com is fairly cheap and has daily updates (if I remember right, I don’t use this)
and thegymbox.com IS AMAZING– $10 a month for a shitton of workout videos including 30 and 60 minute yoga classes, new ones every week.
STILL WAITING TO HEAR IF I GOT THE JOB I WANT SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH! The interview seemed to go incredibly well, and they seemed enthusiastic. I was interviewed by the person that I would work under, and he was really good about teaching me the answers to all of the tech questions that I didn’t know. My only flub was mentioning a number first during salary talk, but I think it’s recoverable.
good luck!
Very good luck!
It’d just be cruel to make me wait all weekend, right? Right.
I am sending you ALL the good vibes, and am glad to hear things sound good so far! Keep us updated!
Oh, and this recipe is the simplest ever, but it’s so good to make a big batch and just have around.
Chili!
One chopped onion
One chopped clove of garlic
A big fistful of chopped green beans
One green pepper, one red pepper, one yellow pepper
Some mushrooms and/or zucchini (anything can go in here, really)
One can of crushed tomatoes
One box of tomato puree
One can of kidney beans
Spices! Chili powder, paprika, cumin, salt, pepper, hot chili flakes
I do tofu, but ground beef also works nicely.
God I love chili – my favorite thing about cold weather!
My easiest crock pot recipe:
Dump package of chicken wings into crock pot
Pour bottle of favorite marinade/sauce/dressing/liquid flavor of choice on top
Cook on low all day
Inhale wings upon arrival home. Maybe have some rice going in the rice cooker too? Maybe make a quick salad? Meh, just eat the wings.
I complained in a link roundup earlier in the week about how I had complained to the Useless BBC Complaints service about their coverage of Ferguson and got a very patronising reply.
Well, I had to complain AGAIN after John Humphrys (he’s the worst of the Radio 4 Today Programme presenters) interviewed a gang-rape victim and victim of the Rotherham child sex scandal that’s in the news right now in the UK. She’s in her 20s now but in her interview explained she was repeatedly gang-raped by a group of men from the age of 13, after being groomed by them. John Humphrys asked her what she did to protect herself. Yes, he did. He asked why she continued to leave the house. Yes, he did. He said that people would be surprised to hear that she continued to leave the house. Yes, he did.
Loads of people tweeted back at the Radio 4 Today Prog account saying they were really shocked at the victim-blaming language and I complained on the Useless Complaints website but for sure they will send back a patronising reply.
I can’t even. Ugh.
Thank you for yelling about it.
WHAT AN IDIOT.
I third that thank you.
Oh fuck that man. Fuck John Humphrys. I can’t bear him. I stopped listening to This Morning because of him; at best he harshes my morning mellow and at worst… well, exactly this sort of shit. Thankyou for complaining.
Totally! He’s the worst. I have really considered stopping listening to the Today Programme in the mornings but it’s hard to break the habit of the last 32 years. The whole programme’s really been getting on my nerves due to the BBC’s determination to run debates like each side is worthy of being heard and also finding total polar opposites of each point of view as well. It’s hard to listen to and it’s infuriating.
I don’t think there are any other radio stations which are JUST news that time of the morning though! Are there? I only want news in the mornings for some reason, no music or anything.
I have complained three times to the BBC in the last year, all because of the Today Programme!
1. Their sports reporter referred to a lady Korean golfer as ‘inscrutable’ and said that the other players just can’t tell what she’s thinking. I complained that it was a bit of a stereotype to use this word about an east Asian person and sent them links to things about the stereotype of the ‘inscrutable Oriental’. They replied saying he didn’t intend to be racist or use a stereotype, so it’s fine.
2. Ferguson. Their 8am headline summed it up as ‘Rioters have thrown fire bombs at riot police in Ferguson’, rather than explaining why there were protests. I complained. They responded their headline was ‘factually accurate’.
3. This time. This time I complained (haven’t got a response yet) and also complained about their other responses and the reasons they were poor. Interested to see how they’ll respond to both things.
It just makes me cross also that their responses are so shit – we pay for them and we’re supposed to be proud of them! Instead of patronisingly explaining to the complainer that they are wrong to complain in the first place, they should take the time to listen and make a positive change. Which of course is how everyone should act and not many people do, but still. They should have a better attitude.
I definitely felt weird when I stopped listening to Radio 4 in the a.m because, well, This Morning was just what breakfast sounded like for my entire life up to that point. But the adversary feel is so completely opposite to what I need at the start of the day (and similtaneously everything that is wrong with our news culture which is even more depressing). But yeah, there’s no alternative! So I’m just horribly ill – informed now and find out major world news from the front page of Metro when I’ve been awake for five hours already. Which is very strange and I feel like I’m a visitor from another planet a lot of the time but at least I don’t start the day being filled with wrath. You are doing good work and I commend you again for it.
Thank you so much for speaking up; every bit of pushback helps.
I feel awkward complaining about this on an open thread because it could be SO much worse but – I have this new coworker and she’s just so EARNEST. I think? I’m not even sure how to describe it. She’s very sweet but her whole demeanor and manners of speech are just…odd, and she wants to UNDERSTAND and to LEARN the details about everything. She took it upon herself to reorganize a bunch of our folders on our shared drive, which was desperately needed!, but the way everything is organized is just so particular in a way that doesn’t need to be? And like, the second you are done working on a document it’s supposed to go into a folder called “Outdated” ? But then that folder will eventually become a mess?
She has a position that requires a lot of attention to detail, so I am partial to bending to her way of doing things, but some of it I just don’t understand the need or the driving reason behind it? (not to mention, I have my own projects and files that I organize quite well, thank you). My final….”huh” thing – she’ll write an email and in the subject line isn’t the subject but “Question from Jane Smith” “Message from Jane Smith.”
Anyway I don’t know, she’s just so perky but in such odd ways, it’s hard to interact with her (the horror, someone is nice but in a way I don’t understand!). I think she’ll be really great at this job but oh boy.
I recommend you suggest she change the Outdated folder to be named Archive and put within it folders for each year and then, if needed, each month within each year. Then at least you can find things again based on a vague sense of when you did them.
Arghhh but then that’s MORE folders! I am trying to convince her – I think successfully – that “outdated” should really be in each topical folder rather than in the main project folder, so at least I know that this particular “outdated” folder is “outdated versions of the content in this narrowly defined folder” (hopefully that made sense?)
I remember learning in grade school that when you do an outline – you know, I, A, i, a, etc, you should never go down a new level unless you have two things to put there. So if you have
I.
A.
you should haven’t A unless you also have B.
I feel like our folders are turning into
I.
A.
i.
a.
and it’s getting ridiculous.
(okay I was maybe more frustrated about this than I thought :/)
Maybe a non-folder based way of organizing multiple versions of things would help? Like, at one of my work places you’d end up with a dozen versions of a particular report, and we’d keep track of it by renaming it (and a tracking table at the beginning of the document, but that is probably not as applicable). Like, the first draft would be “0.1 Report of Stuff” followed by “0.2 Report of Stuff” for the next draft, until it reached the senior review stage, then it’d be “A.1 Report of Stuff”, then the B version would incorporate management’s edits, the C version the client’s, etc. That way we’d have one Archive folder but it’d be immediately obvious as to which version was the latest, which version would have the first edits from management etc.
That’s how I typically work (and what my folders looked like before she got to them…) – this is apparently not how she works? I’ve decided to bend to her system for folders relating to her projects that I’m a sub on but asked her not to touch my primary projects. We’ll see how this goes…
Hi, I’m a bit late to this discussion and I don’t really have much to say wrt to your over-earnest new co-worker (I’m too new to the working game to be anything but a chipper one myself 🙂 ), but I have a maybe-but-probably-not-helpful comment re file organization:
Perhaps something like version control? I have no idea if it is at all helpful for what you do, since it’s usually used for software and other text files (which is the bulk of my work), but I think Microsoft Office has its own version now too. But basically, instead of manually changing the version name of your files, you “check them in” to a repository (either on a separate server or on your own computer) and it keeps track of all of the changes for you and who made them. The great thing is nothing is ever really lost, because you can always go back to an older version and even merge something in an older version with your new version. It’s a great system for worrywarts (like me!) because all of your previous changes, as long as you checked them into the repository, are saved and ready for perusal.
Anyway, I hope things get better with your co-worker as she settles in.
re: that last one…I’d totally just send her a nice note saying, ‘Hi Jane – I use the subject lines of emails to organize things into their relevant issue areas (or whatever), so it would be really helpful if you could please clarify what your email is about in the subject line.” (unsaid: BECAUSE I KNOW IT IS AN EMAIL FROM YOU, THAT IS HOW EMAIL WORKS.)
re: the “outdated” folder… I would balk at that, since I often have multiple iterations of stuff going, and need to easily jump back to an earlier one to pick out a phrase, or a paragraph or whatever. But you can probably balk at that one privately if needed 😉
This person sounds new and terrified, and I bet some of the zeal she’s bringing to folder clean-outs is born of nervous energy and feeling like she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to be doing. Hopefully she will settle in and calm down, and she’ll be less determinedly HELLO I AM CONCENTRATING VERY HARD in her interactions with you once she feels like she has a reputation for competence.
The email subject line makes me think she’s working off of a way outdated format for Memos. I may have even seen a template for Memos somewhere that had “Question/Message from Name” in the subject. I bet she’ll realize she’s the only one doing this and stop after a while.
I guess I have no advice, just crossed-fingers hope that a lot of what she’s doing is just first-few-months-at-job weirdness that will wear off all by itself!
I think the folder organizing was definitely a response to feeling overwhelmed, trying to find a lot of vital but not-well-organized information and generally attempting to make some sense of the overloaded position she walked into. I’m hoping as she get more comfortable she isn’t so high strung (and that the email subject thing stops! that’s interesting about the memo idea – I can see her learning that back in the day and then sticking with it, even though it’s clearly outdated. Thanks 🙂 )
i think hurdyburdy is right, this is probably mostly a situation of a new person at a new job. that doesn’t make it any easier, but maybe it will change with some time.
this folder situation though, i think that might be best solve by a discussion of how folders are used and how archives are searched in order to create a system around use rather than one person’s analysis of there being too many folders. the reasons why we sort things differ when we do it based on info vs. usage, and bringing up use is a nice way of not simply telling someone what to do, but allowing a solution that is already there to surface. maybe?
I had my first couple of shifts at my new copy-editing job this week. It is not, as I had secretly hoped, a shining beacon of golden light from the heavens ennobling the entire wasted landscape of my broken life.* I am also not being paid much. But it’s at the very least totally alright, not soul-destroying like my other job, the free snack/drink/breakfast selections are pretty off the chain, and
*covers mic*
it’s full of babes, you guys
Not in a worrisome or concerning way, since I’m part-time and constantly work with different configurations of staff, but I could definitely sustain six or seven life-affirming, low-key proximity crushes. At least. And while I’m not proud of it, there is generally nothing that motivates me to get my all-around life game up or make good art like even the vague presence of babes.
I’m no-contest the fattest woman in the office though, and that’s kind of a bummer.
*no one has figured out that I’m about five years older than most of my coworkers yet, I guess because I’m a short person with bangs who obviously doesn’t have a career. god bless everyone who asked me if I was still a student, though.
It is not, as I had secretly hoped, a shining beacon of golden light from the heavens ennobling the entire wasted landscape of my broken life
Brilliant tragi-comic sentence. I hope you write as well as copyedit!
I’ve tried to post this reply several times and each time it posts it as a separate comment even though I’m putting it in the reply box. So this time if it doesn’t, I’m just going to leave it here and hope that no_blues sees it. Hmph.
Aww thanks! This made me feel very nice inside. And there’s your proof it did work as a reply at least once.
I stopped writing for like five years but I have recently started up again, so the encouragement comes at a good time.
“I am one giant bruise now, and keep making “vroom vroom” sounds at my desk”
I can totally see this in my mind’s eye and I’m extremely tickled by it!
It was so much fun, and so so scary. I forgot to but my visor down for one lap and got my face all banged up with track debris – I bought a groupon for the spa and went the next day, and the woman I saw thought I was such a badass.
Younger cousin book update! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, wonderful Toasties! I asked her whether she was still looking for books to read, and she answered “OMG I’m DESPERATE!” (expected response!). She now has a huge list, thoughtfully compiled by all of you. You are wonderful human beings, and you have given her sooooo many good options!!! Hooray!!
Here’s a teaching question I’ve been thinking about lately.
Some months ago, after Junot Diaz wrote about the whiteness of most creative writing faculties, there was a bit of an online conversation going about how to make writing classrooms more welcoming for students of color. The prevailing advice, from what I read, was “listen,” mostly meaning, listen to your non-white students. This is good and crucial advice. But I am wondering what more can be done, or how to get to a place where listening is even possible. My experience with teaching writing has been in predominantly white classrooms, with beginners who were not super keen on sharing, and it takes some work to get anyone talking at all. Too, if the few students of color don’t talk then there’s no way to listen to them, and turning to them directly and asking what they think feels super tokenizing, like “why don’t you explain this racially charged reading material, since it’s your job to educate your white peers?” If they want to speak out, that’s great, but there are plenty of reasons someone might choose not to, and I’m not sure how to counteract that.
I’ve found that pair/ trio discussions help students who are nervous or uncomfortable speaking in class, especially if they are randomized groupings (students tend to choose other students they know, which can defeat the purpose). Then one student from each group presents one observation or question from their discussion, which takes some of the burden off of individual students who might feel tokenized, since their thoughts can be presented to the class as the result of discussion rather than being assumed (rightly or wrongly) to come primarily from personal experience.
Thanks, this is helpful! I find I’ve been a little resistant to small-group discussion, probably because it wasn’t a big part of my own education and I’m kinda wistfully aspiring to the vibrant full-class discussions I remember. But that was one environment and this is another, and what works is a lot more important than what intuitively seems to me like it ought to work!
Could you ask questions to all your students directly once in a while so that you’re not picking out only the students of color? Might that help somewhat?
Also I think thatgrrl13’s idea is great. I found when I taught that (naturally perhaps) people were much more willing to discuss stuff in small groups and then present than make comments in front of the whole classroom on their own.
Yeah, I should get better at calling on students individually–I tend to cringe in sympathy-nervousness when I try it, but it would at the least change the balance of voices in the room.
I’m so late to this party but I like Thatgrrl13’s idea and also I attended a nearly all white university and I felt like whenever I spoke in class it was exceptionally noticeable. I guess because what I said tended to be extremely different from the kinds of things the white students said (lots of my friends have reported similar experiences) and because the tutors tended to jump all over what I said, either in a positive or a negative way. But I had one favourite tutor ever who used to make a point of drowning out the conventional, status quo voices, if that makes sense. So this one time we were in a class of mainly women (I was the only poc) and two cis guys, one of whom was dominating the entire class. She said, “I think some of the women might want to give their views now.” (Obviously I would have been horrified if she’d said, “Some of the black people might want to give their views now,” because it was only me, but I think it was fine because the class was mainly women). There was this pause, nobody said anything, and he said, “None of the women are talking,” and she said, “We’ll listen to the sound of silence then.” And the rest of the class was literally silent for over 20 minutes. It was intense, but the best class I ever had! And since then, this guy talked less, which meant that the whole class was quieter, but it was also just less white male voice oriented. I don’t know if this makes sense – I guess I’m trying to say that instead of concentrating on the voices of people of colour, you might want to concentrate on shutting whiteness out of your class. Even if this doesn’t encourage more pocs to actually share, it will make the environment less gross for them.
Shutting the whiteness out. I like that.
This is a helpful perspective, thank you! The idea of silence itself as a teaching tool is really interesting to me, but I wouldn’t have thought to take quite this approach, so it’s super interesting to hear how it worked for you.
Toasties, what do you do when you’re feeling completely burned out? I’m at my wit’s end with work, and I’m going to start thinking about my next career moves, but how do I find the motivation to (a) keep going at my current job and (b) be proactive about making a career move?
Honestly, what does it for me is just some serious daydreaming, at least for (b). Take some time and let yourself really imagine the best possible scenario and how great your life would be, even a little beyond what is reasonable.
Because then later when I’m feeling lazy I think, wouldn’t it be worth it to (finally sent out this resume/reached out to that person/whatever) if I might I actually get the job I really want?
Maybe not recommended if you’re likely to get your hopes up too much, but it works for a cynic!
jumping in here to mooch off replies, I’m in the same boat
I’ve been battling general burn-out (General Burn-Out) for about the last 18 months, what has helped a bit is learning a new skill (new programming language, new library, find a professional Meetup group). Not necessarily for my current position but related to something else.
Make friends with Lieutenant Kind-to-Yourself. Prioritize rest. Take a day off as often as you can. Use only half of that day to move a step further along the Get Another Job trajectory. The other half is for sleep and your favorite activities with your favorite people and pets.
Goddamn, I forget how early this goes up! Hey y’all. Long week is long. Still didn’t make up with friend/gf/whatever/god help me, hopefully this shit will stop this weekend. Mostly concerned with cooking for 20-30 the night before my aunts wedding in a couple weekends. I’m gonna do heirloom tomato sauce with angel hair, a couple apps (an olive tapanade, some sort of salmon dip, baby crab cakes, etc) with big pots of mussels in white wine tomato sauce (lots of bread, obvs) anddddd some other stuff I haven’t decided on.
Any thoughts? Other suggestions? (I want to do the sauce because IT IS AWESOME/can make ahead of time, but apparently others might have already decided to do things like lasagna for other, smaller meals, and then ahhh, I don’t want to overdo the pasta/red sauce theme)
I wouldn’t worry about overdoing the pasta thing.Enormous quantities of noodles are pretty much inevitable any time large groups of people are being fed by home cooks. No one is going to scorn you for serving them angel hair after they ate lasagna a previous day. Or if they do they should cook the meal themselves!
Thanks, you’re totally right, I just get kind of obsessive about these things, and want to be SUPER IMPRESSIVE for my family I only see maybe once or twice every few years.
Everything you mentioned already sounds super DUPER impressive. Way classy, delicious, and special.
And themes are good! Maybe you guys can even play up the Italian-ness some more to make it feel like an intentional, imaginary-romantic-destination type thing.
Thank you! And yes to themes, especially because this one means lots of wine, and with this menu, both white and red wine go well, which is such a super plus.
Basically the one party dish anyone in my immediate family can make is fruit salad with a honey-lime sauce. But that sauce is delicious (mix equal parts honey and lime, mix in some lime zest) and makes the fruit salad seem like a lot more effort than “Here, we combined all the fruit we usually eat in a large bowl.” So I’d recommend!
There are a bunch of options online if you Google “fruit salad with honey and lime.” Personally I’m pretty sure that it works no matter what fruit you throw in (we use strawberries, grapes, blueberries, and…I can’t remember what else beyond that. Except no bananas, because I don’t like them).
Thanks!
I know! It’s always during my commute and then I forget and come back to it later when everyone’s gone, oh well.
Overheard at my ridiculous job this week: “Can you bring me some carbon paper?”
Not spoken ironically. Dead serious.
Looks like someone is carbon dating themselves!
Thank you, folks, I’ll be here all weekend.
MINDY, I LOVE YOU.
MUNCHIE I LOVE YOU, TOO.
I have to use carbon paper when I fill out the deposit receipts for donations. Those carbon copies go to a building across the street, where the deposit is entered into the online financial system. It makes me angry. Every. Single. Time.
Almost certain I still have some, though it’s in storage right now. I’m not sorry.
I believe you are too young to own carbon paper. But I refuse to judge you for it. Carry on.
One of our PT employees took it upon herself to throw away our box of carbon paper, because ‘no one uses that anymore’. But yes, yes, we do, we have a couple of receipt books that require carbon paper, because that is still much easier than putting those two occasional payments anywhere else. We had to buy a new box of carbon paper, and there’s still plenty for sale, so many people must still use it.
Hmm, I use it myself for putting sewing marks on fabric–
Although my therapists through the years have been immensely helpful in many, varied ways, not one of them has agreed with me that I am probably dealing with complex ptsd. Well, I am. I have gone as far I can with sorting out other issues and ways to cope and it is the only remaining logical explanation as to why my latest attempt to do something useful with my life has imploded like Vulcan. I am not doing well, I have not been doing well, and I will not be doing well until some hypothetical point in the future when I…don’t feel like this anymore.
I’m so crushed.
I’m so sorry to hear that – figuring out mental health stuff is definitely hard. I’m sending you pleasant thoughts and very good quality internet hugs.
*grade A hugs*
Thank you. 🙂
Imploded life solidarity hugs to you. I know how hard it can be to put the effort into ditch-digging, only to turn around and realized you’ve deepened the hole and can no longer see the sky. Keeping a good thought for things to ease for you soon, and for you to find people who understand and honor your lived experience. That’s not a small thing, but it’s crucial.
Thanks. I appreciate your comment.
I am so sorry. I’ve also grappled with PTSD. I know how it just smashes your life up without warning, and my heart goes out to you.
In my case, my doctor suggested EMDR therapy. I didn’t end up following the referral, but I did enough research to make me think it might have merit. At the very least, studies show a correlation between EMDR therapy and self-reported improvement in symptoms, though the mechanism isn’t understood or even certain to be present. Here’s a Scientific American article from a few years back, in case it’s of interest to you.
Whatever happens and whatever you choose (and I believe those are two different things), you deserve the very best care and kindness. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I wish you well.
I’m currently reading this, which i WISH had been out in 2006 when I first sought out therapy. EMDR is covered in the somatic models chapter. I did do EMDR in the past for some related-but-not-directly trauma, and it helped to some degree. I tend to overintellectualize, so theoretically somatic modalities would be helpful, but my intellectualizing is to such a degree that it’s hard to break through it directly. I want to see what they suggest for multi-modal treatment–perhaps an indirect approach will keep me from going meta during EMDR (or whatever somatic method).
Thank you for commenting. It helps to feel slightly less isolated.
Well, then you know a ton more about this subject than I do, and I’m so glad. I’m also glad my remark was welcome and not overbearing. You’re definitely not alone. I hope things improve for you soon, whatever you decide to do.
I am really sorry for your crushed, and that you have not gotten the help you need. Having PTSD really, really sucks, and it can be so hard to find people who understand and are supportive. You are definitely not alone.
Thank you. It helps to feel less alone.
Who wants to breed magical imaginary wolves?
All of you?
I thought so.
Come join me on Wajas, where you can spend your time playing games to earn in-game money, then spending that money on buying and breeding imaginary wolves.
These are mine. Two of them are pregnant.
http://www.wajas.com/cave_group.php?id=291138&…
Here’s the FAQ which will help you learn how to play. http://www.wajas.com/communicate_topic.php?id=558…
Ooooooooooooooooh imaginary wolves
they’re so pretty if you breed well.
You can spend real-world money on making a custom one too, if you want.
omg wajas it has been FOREVER since I was on that site! you inspired me to scrounge up my account to see how old it is. http://www.wajas.com/cave_group.php?id=140888&… wooo imaginary wolf breeding
Since I rage quit my horrible job 2 months ago, I haven’t found anything that really suited me, so I’ve been getting my housewife on. And horror of horrors, I like it. I prefer to think of it as “preparing for the zombie apocalypse aftermath” since I’m also gardening and cooking delicious food on a very small budget, and canning and all that shit. Which brings us to slow cooker recipes…
Slowcooker Applesauce:
1) Go pick about 10 pounds of apples off the neighbor’s tree that leans over your fence. If you don’t pick them, you’ll get bears, so you’re really just doing the whole neighborhood a favor.
2) Realize that you have to peel, core, and chop about 10 pounds of apples. Swear loudly about your life choices while trying to find the vegetable peeler.
3) After taking a break so your hands don’t fall off, put all the apple chunks in the slowcooker with about a cup and a half of sugar (adjust to taste), half a cup of water or apple peel tea, and a cinnamon stick if you’re being fancy, 2 teaspoons to a tablespoon of the ground stuff if you’re not. Stir it all up.
4) Put the cooker on low, and come back in 4 hours. Poke the apples with a spoon. If they’re squishy, mash them down with a potato masher. If not, wait an hour, and poke them with a spoon to make sure.
5) Let cool, after you grab a small bowl’s worth to test for poison, then serve.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to lead the “housewife preparing for apocalypse” lifestyle for years. Congratulations on achieving it for yourself!
The secret is to watch a lot of zombie movies in your downtime.
Does The Walking Dead count?
Yes, but only if you acknowledge Michonne as Queen.
I didn’t realize anyone else was even on the ballot.
FWIW if you intend to make smooth sauce by sieving/pureeing, I never peel, just quarter and core.
I truly believe that many people would be happier as house-people (with and without looking after children). I am not one of them but I have been their roommates (serious perks) and I have had friends who intentionally work part time (with and without children) and use the other time to just be at home and do all kinds of things. I wish we lived in a world where all this was possible.
I kind of assume everyone knows about the joys of slow cookers. If I’d known the Bartender wasn’t in the loop, I totally would have said something. Here’s my favorite crockpot recipe. Sorry I don’t have the source anymore.
Spicy Crockpot Chicken
2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. thyme
1 tsp. white pepper
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1 large roasting chicken
1 onion, diced
In a small bowl, combine all the spices.
Remove giblets from chicken, clean the cavity well and pat dry with paper towels. Rub the spice mixture into the chicken breast under the skin. Place in a resealable plastic bag, pour in the remaining spices, and shake to coat skin. Seal and refrigerate overnight. I’m gonna be honest, I usually skip this and just pour the spices over and inside the bird before I put it in the crock.
When ready to cook, lay the onions in the bottom of the crock. Remove the bird from the bag, place on top of the onions, and do not add liquid. As the cooking process goes on it will produce its own juices.
Cook on low 6-8 hours. Carefully remove bird and set aside. It usually comes apart in pieces. Just make sure all the bones are out before proceeding to the next step.. Puree onions and drippings together for a gravy (add thickener if needed).
Devour like an animal. Forks optional.
So, my father and I have been estranged ever since he cheated on my mom and abandoned our family 4 years ago. She still speaks to him because he needs to maintain a US address so he can teach at an online university like U of Phoenix (I disagree with her concession on this, but whatever). He will be back in the States for the first time in maybe 3-4 years in September, and a trip I’m taking to my hometown will have some overlap.
In one of our excessive amount of conversations that my mother has with me about him, I finally lost it and said, “Listen, he’s cut off from me. He has never apologized for the way he left – he only says he’s sorry for ‘the hurt that my actions caused.’ Maybe if he truly apologized, maybe someday I would consider seeing him again. But I don’t see it happening, and he’s not in my life anymore and doesn’t get to know what goes on in my life anymore.”
She calls me a week later and says “I told your father what you said, and–” I cut her off and asked her what she told him. She told him that if he emailed me a sincere apology, I might try to see him when I’m in town next month.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am livid and just wrote her a long email telling her that her actions were a violation of privacy and shows a fundamental lack of respect for my decisions and feelings as a 28-year-old woman. She and I don’t get along anyway, but I am so SICK of her stepping all over my boundaries and making me feel bad for trying to live my own life and not, for example, abstaining from alcohol because Jesus said getting drunk is a sin. I just can’t anymore.
Sorry for venting but uggghhhhhhhhhhhh.
Good lord, that is wretched all around. I would be beyond furious if my mother inserted herself into the situation like that! Good for you for telling her off like that, she was so out of line. You handled it beautifully. I hope she hears you at least a little bit!
Omg.
Oh my god.
I am speechless on your behalf. I can also relate (although the boundary stepping is not nearly as egregious) and I’m incredibly proud of and happy for you for sending her that email and sticking up for yourself and your needs. Sending you allll the alcohol.
Wow that was AWFUL of her. Totally totally inappropriate. I am really so glad you told her the truth about it, because you do not deserve to be treated like this.
don’t be sorry for venting. this is a situation worth venting about, if for no other reason than to get some validation that you’re not somehow the only one not looking for reasons to forgive and forget with your dad.
i don’t know what your mother’s narrative is here, but it sounds like her manipulation of the situation is something she wants to have happen more than either you or your dad. you’ve made your point very clearly with her, so now the decision is how to move your own relationship with her where you want it to be. i would probably say to simply refuse to discuss your dad with her, because without any information to trade or spin, she won’t be able to engage you on that front anymore. that’s true of any of the things you don’t want to hear her judgments about anymore, alcohol, jesus, whatever. i’d love to say one day she’ll accept and love you the way your are, but some people just don’t. be vague, change the subject, get her out of your business.
Never apologize for venting! Venting with words keeps us from venting with sledgehammers (the resulting holes in stuff are a pain to deal with).
Also, can some listened-to type person please explain to crappy parents of the world that passive voice apologies are not real and your kids know it? Your actions (attitudes, behavior, etc) did not “cause (pain, anger, hurt, etc).” YOU DID! You did by failing to do the job you chose when you became a parent. And yes, we know y’all are fallible and whatnot, but gimme a break! If I’d been told as a kid to apologize to, oh, let’s say my brother for, I dunno, maybe kicking him in the shins, an apology phrased “I am sorry if my foot caused pain to your leg” would have resulted in at least 15 minutes in the corner to think up a more sincere wording.
The time has come for me — as it comes ever year — when I get frustrated with the fact that my ideas for comic books never achieve fruition, and so I convince myself that I will just LEARN TO DRAW and DO IT MYSELF. Right now, that strategy is, “sit at work and copy faces off of web cartoons.”
Anyone have any suggestions for good cartoons to study?
Or, I guess, books to read, if you’re interested in traditional learning.
That is actually a really good way to start learning! Or that’s how I started drawing comics and comic-y art anyway, by copying work I liked and then drawing my own things when I got more confident, and then riffing off other things I liked and making them my own.
I personally hate learning to draw from books, but I did take a week long class on creating comics once. We did a lot of ‘speed-drawing’ activities where the idea was to get down a recognizable shape in 1 or 2 minutes. I thought that was a good way to get used to the idea that a drawing doesn’t have to be technically correct to convey ideas/emotion/story.
I don’t have too many recommendations for comics, but Octopus Pie is really great in terms of storytelling.
The one I like the best so far is one called “Dumbing of Age.” A really diverse cast with really clean, very expressive faces.
The funny thing about it is when I try to copy it and I don’t do a very good job (i.e., it just looks very rough, proportions aren’t quite right, &c.) it looks a lot like those old Dragonball mangas, and I wonder if I’ve actually uncovered the comics that HE copied when he was learning his style.
Try not to copy anyone’s style too exactly. Try to come up with your own short hand of how to draw a face.
Also, it might seem counterintuitive, but you might find it helpful to sign up for a life drawing class at your local community college, art center, etc. Knowing how to draw real three dimensional things that exist can be really helpful when you’re making up stylized things from your head. And keep drawing always and forever, even when you don’t feel like it 🙂
I am not super-worried about that. I’m not good enough to copy anyone’s style even remotely exactly.
You ever have one of those days (/weeks/months) where it feels like you don’t do anything at work? I think I’ve gotten too efficient at my job in the year I’ve worked here, because lately it seems like I do about an hour or two of actual work each day and then dick around til I go home. I’ve been consumed with anxiety about how I’m obviously the laziest and most delinquent person ever to hold a full-time job and sooner or later they’re going to figure it out and fire me for being useless. I know realistically that if this were true, my supervisor would have said something about it already. But there’s got to be a way to make myself more useful without overstepping my bounds. Any strategies?
That’s pretty much what my job is like now, except an hour or two is stretching it. Is your job highly cyclical, will it get busy again at some point? In the meantime….is there housekeeping-type things you can do? File stuff, reorganize your desk/filing system/whatever, reorganize the office filing cabinets, weed out old and useless stuff (with permission), etc.? Can you do “professional development” type stuff online, seek out information about your industry, competitors, other similar companies, etc., in order to improve? I did a make-work project by creating a desk manual for my position–going in excruciating detail about How To Do My Job Well, and updating it. Cleaning out my computer–deleting old files, doing updates, etc.
Yeah, part of the problem is that we get busy every few months, so I’m reluctant to ask for more work now in case I end up with too much on my plate later. I’ve been eying the office filing cabinets for a while (they are a giant mess going back.. oh, a few decades) but I’m a little unsure if I’m actually allowed to touch that stuff.
Yeah this is me too – I’ve always been a pretty efficient worker used to extreme workloads, and I’ve been at my current job for 2.5 years now (a personal record!) so I have entire weeks where I drift around and try to look useful. This week of the year is the absolute slowest week of the entire year so I am dyyyyyyyiiiiiinnnnnggggggg. The project I made up for myself this week was going through our website archives and bringing old blog posts up to date so our now-standard title-naming conventions are standard all the way back to the blog’s beginning. No one asked me to do it. No one will ever notice. I do this a lot.
My advice really would be to peek into corners and try to find something about your company that you’re interested in helping with, maybe that’s under-attended to, and then going to your manager. Present it as a regular check-in (how you’re doing with your actual assigned projects, if there’s anything you could be doing to really help your department go above and beyond, etc.) and then if your manager doesn’t have any suggestions, say “I noticed that the stock room is a little disorganized – when I was at Previous Company I helped them develop a storage system that made the reports more easily accessible. If I have some time between projects, do you think it would be helpful if I tried to do something similar for our storage room?”
See where that gets you! If it’s presented as “I identified a small problem and I’d like to be able to help,” your boss would probably be happy to see you taking initiative. Good luck!!
You ever have one of those days (/weeks/months) where it feels like you don’t do anything at work?
I work in academia. This is my normal.
Of course, I also have days/weeks/months where I’m so busy I can barely breathe.
I work in academia. This is my normal.
My only advice is that if you’re scouting around for projects, try to find something that involves skill development for you – Excel skills, or data analysis skills, or web development skills, or whatever applies to you. Partly because it could be good for career advancement or whatever, but just as much because feeling like you’re making progress on learning something can help scratch those work-ethic-guilt itches and let you feel like you accomplished something at the end of the day.
This is also my life. USELESSNESS SOLIDARITY.
Ugh, folks. Ugh. I had a rough night. I had two drinks, which is a pretty normal number of drinks for me, and I was wasted. What on earth! I’d eaten plenty and had plenty of water. The night before, I had the same two drinks plus two others and wasn’t even tipsy. This is not a thing that happens to me and I am confused (and mildly hungover).
I’ve also been a bit down because I was reviewed negatively in the play that I opened last week, and I am not good at handling criticism (especially when the criticism is “you’re bad at the thing you’re doing, please be better and/or stop”) but I think I brought a delightful “fuck it” attitude to my performance last night.
On the plus side, I finally got the files for my new headshots, and they look fabulous and give me a much-needed confidence boost. (I would share, but it seems silly to disrupt with a giant picture of my face.)
Re: slow cooker recipes: Cut up a big onion or two, cover in chicken thighs, cover in a can or two of black beans, and dump a jar of mole sauce on top (or make it yourself, I guess, but if you’re already using a slow cooker…). I like Larry’s Southwestern Mole, but it’s a bit hard to find. Cook away! It’s great on its own or over rice or inside burritos.
I’ve noticed that where I am in my cycle can change how strongly alcohol affects me. Just a thought.
I’m wondering if that might be it! I’ve never, ever had anything like that happen before — I know that tolerance changes based on many many factors, but I usually have a pretty good handle on how I’m going to react.
Put a headshot in the nested comments!
I’m sure they’re great, and if it’s a reply it won’t explode the whole thread.
I will try, but I have no idea how to embed pictures!
eta: Yay, I did it! Also — it’s probably silly but these make me really happy. My face doesn’t like behaving in photos, so I’m glad it chose to for this occasion.
I want to hire you for, whatever!
OMG. You are gorgeous. Wow.
*respectful wolf whistle*
Yay! I forgot to come back and check these until now. Those are great shots, you look both pretty and interesting!
hello open thread!
I just started “for today I am a boy” which (I think) is a YA novel about a young transfeminine person, which thus far is written believably and is not-annoying. I had this enormous swatch of queer historical nonfiction and I just can’t get through it all, and my friend sent me to read Courtney Milan, who apparently used to be a law professor and now writes Regency romance novels which I am getting the first of at the library today.
And I found out this week that I need to get a job sooner than I expected, but I have really good outcomes of trolling my social network! I have a couple irons in the fire that look promising.
YES Courtney Milan is my favourite romance novelist for sure and everyone should read her. Her novels manage to completely upend tropes and center around social justice issues without seeming to try at either, and her dialogue is so good and smart. She’s also really good at novellas, so if you’re looking for some cheap ebooks you can finish in an afternoon A Kiss for Midwinter (her ode to sex ed and contraception) and Unlocked are both really good and can stand alone just fine from the rest of their series
Her latest novella is GREAT and its heroine is a mathematician and a black woman – Talk Sweetly to Me.
Guys, I was at the playground this AM, and saw a dude with his kid wearing a T-shirt from this organization: http://nomaam.us/ and I’m kind of: a. Aghast
b. Can’t tell if it’s in earnest or he got it because it’s SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS
c. REALLY PISSED OFF
Seriously, WTF?
(to clarify, from the site…I can’t tell whether this is a parody of an MRA group riffing on Married…With Children, or guys who legit agree with Al Bundy??)
I…I…don’t know what to think of that. Kind of want to post socially so they are mocked rightfully, but…
I really really hope he was wearing it ironically.
So although I’m looking forward to the extra time off this weekend to get out and get caught up on reading and other fun stuff, I’m still kind of emotionally reeling from a disastrous relationship that completely fell apart about a month ago. I feel silly, especially since we’d only known each other a few months, but it was pretty intense and obviously unhealthy in a lot of ways, but I still miss this person a lot. I don’t know how to stop missing this person, and I know that there’s nothing I can do but wait out these feelings and keep myself distracted, but I wish there was an easy way to stop feeling hurt.
So I’ll just bury myself in books and TV and try not to be reminded of this person all the time.
If you find that reading things can help, I have collected a WHOLE bunch of links of things that helped me get over various breakups through the years. If you’re interested, send me an email to lepamplemoussi at gmail dot com and I will fwd it to you!
Thanks, email headed your way
RED ALERT RED ALERT my in-laws just made an offer on an house 1.1 miles from mine.
I am going to be spending a lot more time on that DWIL forum Nicole recommended the other week, you guys. :
D: D: D: D: D:
I love you.
You. Poor. Thing.
Ohhhh noooooo
Oh no! I know someone with a similar situation. She no longer parks her car in her driveway, but keeps it in the garage, always. That way the in-laws cannot know if she’s home just by looking. She also made heavy drapes for the front windows and put her lights on a timer so they cannot know her at-home/awake status from the street. After some struggling she decided to return calls only once a week and never answers their calls. I hope you’re gonna be OK.
Oof. That is rough. I just don’t know. They’re not monsters, and we have a good thing going from 2 states away… but I am very, very concerned that their expectation is that they’ll be third parents to my children. Things like, they’re talking about setting up a bedroom in their house for the kids (we live a mile away, how many sleepovers are you expecting??) and picking up the kids from school each day (no, I am their mother and I have taken a pay cut to have the flexibility in my job to do just that).
So right now, I’m trying to figure out how to dampen all of these fantasies without being the Bad Daughter-in-Law. At least my husband is on my side.
The person I described above has neatly avoided the Bad Daughter-in-Law role. She and her partner present her as the Distracted, Disorganized Daughter-in-Law.
“Oh, you know how she is. She just can’t ever seem to get to her phone in time.”
“No idea. She has a different schedule every week. I can’t keep track, either.”
I think their success hinges on the fact that the Daughter-in-Law never has to speak to the parents. Only the partner speaks with them, his parents.
a BEDROOM in their house for the kids? that would be seriously confusing/destabilizing to the kids, who, if they are like the vast majority of children of the human species, do best with consistency and stability. oy vey! i would quash some of those expectations in the bud when it is easier, rather then let them get entrenched… like, quash them right now before the house deal is even finalized!
and i say that as someone who loves the idea of extended family childcare!
good luck whatever happens!
I’m way late to this, but I got the email notification and wanted to reply with a BIG thank you. I think this is excellent advice, and I am going to do exactly this. Better to iron it all out early on.
oh god I would die. I would actually die.
You have to sabotage the offer!! With some classic comedy hijinks!
OMG. I have 2 hours and 15 minutes to get my hands on a mortgage pre-approval and down payment so I can outbid them!
OR you can just make the house unbuyable. INFEST IT WITH WASPS, THAT’S THE ANSWER.
Call the wasp guy, tell him he doesn’t have to kill them! Rehome the wasps! Everybody wins.
Except your in-laws.
Move move move while you can.
Quick question: can you make your house/self invisible?
my nightmare
SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS, DOWN INTO MY BELLY
Y’ALL.
The NFL has a really tough, new domestic violence poli- nevermind, I can’t even pretend with this shit. You know what, Roger Goddell, go fuck yourself, you son of a bitch. http://deadspin.com/so-whats-actually-new-about-t…
And from the link below:
The personal conduct policy is a tremendously successful marketing effort which has resulted in people equating the NFL and Goodell himself with justice. Regardless of whether the NFL actually has the power to shift societal views, people believe it does, which puts it in rarified territory. It makes the NFL not just a sports league, but a cultural institution. Pretty much. http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/87953088/we-…
OK, OTHER SPORTS:
Tennis! Love Nick Kyrgios, so glad he’s doing well at another major. Hope to see more of Catherine Bellis in the future, that first match was great.
The Nats got swept by the Phils (which, what?) so that was shitty, but we are still looking good.
Ugh, Josh Shaw. Dude.
I’m starting to get dizzy finding various links and things to post here, so I’m going to stop for a minute and just say, what’s up in sportsworld with you guys???
I had to copy edit an extensive US Open roundup yesterday and so TENNIS CAN GO FUCK ITSELF, sorry. (The only mistake: Jo-Wilfired instead of Jo-Wilfried. CONSTANT VIGILANCE)
Thanks for those NFL links, I hadn’t seen any analysis of that policy yet beyond the first wave of news stories.
Patrice Bergeron proves once again he is too pure and beautiful for this world. What a gamer.
Haha, so the new gig is going well?!
Ah, Patrice Bergeron. That was pretty good.
Sooo since last Friday, the Pirates took the series over the Brewers AND the Cards? Somehow? With about five thousand injuries? I don’t understand it, but I’ll take it.
About a week ago, Travis Snider’s post-ASB OPS was 1.7. That’s not a typo. One point fucking seven.
You end up sprinkled with that kind of pixie dust, you guys better take that magic and RUN WITH IT.
(XO, a Jays fan who will always love Travis Snider and enjoyed your ballpark very much this May)
Yeah, as someone who grew up during the Pirates’ 20+ year losing streak, I’m like…who are these guys?!?
I’m glad you like PNC Park! I went to the very first game played there and I love that view. Every non-Pirates fan I know who goes there is pleasantly surprised.
Yeah, 1.7, holy shit.
Eric Bledsoe is slow-playing the Suns like a punk and I don’t like it one bit. Just sign your damn qualifying offer already or demand a trade or do something. It’s shit-or-off-the-pot time.
Yeah, he’s a nice player and all, but this starring contest has been going on forever. I’d be damn frustrated if I were a Suns fan.
Still pleasantly pleased that the Pirates are having a second respectable season.
They’ve been a fun team the past couple seasons. And, fwiw, I’m eating an amazing sandwich right this very second, and I am going to give you credit (fried egg, heirloom tomato slices, basil garlic lemon mayo, on grilled sourdough, fyi)
YAY BUCS
(also, not to creep, but I have seen you mention living in southwestern PA in other threads, and it makes me very happy to see someone else from the area!)
Same! I still think there should be a SW/C PA meetup (maybe a circuit since we’re probably spread out).
My soccerball team got through qualifiers into the Champions League and have an OK group, no trips to Russia and avoided Roma and Monaco.
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE DRAW THIS WEEK
guys, i know some of you are like “The world cup just ended, why are you so excited, wut?!”
BUT it has been a long, football-lesss august for some of us. all hail the return of english weeks!
Thanks to all of you who sent me postcards! They were enormously cheering during what has been a weirdly tough month.
I feel like this Friday before labor day when all my co-workers are on PTO is a good morning to re-read the Ronbledore archives.
First, for one week only, you can order a shirt that says #BUTTS in glow-in-the-dark text here.
Second, I had my post-op appointment on Wednesday, and yup. I definitely have endo. The doctor doesn’t think it’s affected fertility yet, but no telling if it’ll recur, and how bad it’ll be if (when, probably) it does. I’m considering the treatment options going forward, and will probably end up on some sort of birth control until we’ll ready to start trying to conceive. I’m just sort of terrified that we’re going to wait too long and my chance to have a baby will pass without me even knowing it. Sigh.
Anyway. Talk to me about your hormonal birth control? Specifically Mirena?
Mirena is my favourite thing.
I don’t have periods or hormonal moods or anything. I don’t notice it ever but every now and then I do a quick check and feel around for the strings.
I am ALL FOR Mirena.
Insertion was painful, had cramps and spotting for a couple weeks, from what I hear duration and intensity of said cramps and spotting vary wildly. Now that has cleared up and I get a teeeny tiny bit of spotting for a day or two every 3 or 4 months. It is wonderful.
I love Mirena!
Yes, the insertion hurt but it was pretty quick and then it didn’t hurt.
I had tons of bleeding/spotting for months and months afterwards, but it was light, and although it took much longer than I hoped (about 9 months) it did finally taper off. It was not painful, just messy and irritating.
Since then I have had maybe two periods. One was very light, one actually had some cramping, both were over very fast.
We were on the pill for like 20 years before this, and UGH now I know what it was doing to our libido, no thank you. Being able to have SFT with our partner whenever we want without additional muss/fuss is a huge win, and with Mirena we actually WANT to.
Mirena is beautiful and wonderful. I actually do get light cramping from it sometimes, but other than that it has been fabulous and I don’t get periods at all although I still get PMS.
I have Skyla, which is Mirena but for ladies who have not had a vaginal birth (it’s the same thing, but a bit smaller and lower dose), and I LOVE IT. I got it about a month ago, so I’m still spotting, which sucks, and I get intermittent cramps (but way, way, way less than last month, and less horrible than pre-IUD cramps to be, which makes me think that they will indeed disappear entirely eventually HURRAH). But my period was WAY lighter, and shorter, which makes me think that it, too, will eventually disappear. I am so excited for that glorious day.
Putting it in was pretty awful, though. I’m usually good with pain, but cramp pain wipes me out like nothing else. I had to leave work early the day after I got it inserted (honestly, I probably shouldn’t have gone in at all) and I felt bloated and crampy until around Saturday (got it inserted on a Tuesday) but after that it was smooooooth sailing.
I had a minor panic attack, though, about a week after having it inserted, when I couldn’t find the strings — you’re supposed to check for them periodically to make sure the IUD is still place. Toasties talked me down, though (LOVE YOU ALL) by telling me that most women actually stop being able to find the strings anyway? Because they get tucked up in the cervix, or because the cervix moves up and down throughout your cycle, so sometimes you can feel them, and sometimes you can’t. I still contort myself in the shower at least once a week and go rooting around up there, because I am extremely paranoid that the IUD will mysteriously disappear. I eventually found ’em! And I have an appt for a follow up ultra sound on Tuesday, to confirm Skyla is still in place.
I love my IUD so much I almost want to ask for a copy of the ultrasound photo, so I can excitedly show everyone I know and maybe hang it on my refrigerator.
ETA: Oh, boo. I just read that only 1/8 women with Skyla are rid of their periods forever. With Mirena, it’s 1/5.
I love my Mirena! Had it about 3 years. My period didn’t totally disappear, but it’s down to one light day/month.
To be honest, I never check for the strings.
Earlier this week I pretty much completely broke down, acknowledged that I have made a total mess of my life, and asked my partner to help me put it back together. That was fun.
There is a thing in my brain that makes it almost impossible for me to buckle down and accomplish anything. Like, I have been unemployed since January because I haven’t convinced myself to do about 10 hours worth of work towards proper certification in well over a year. And that is only the most recent example of my catastrophic failure to live like a grown-up.
So, finally admitted I most definitely have a problem that I can’t fix myself, and now I’m trying to figure out how to get the right help to fix it. Which so far has mostly meant I spent a lot of time crying the last few days. But there will be real concrete steps taken soon, I swear. I know where the mental health professionals are, I just need to get to them.
Among other things that gave me a kick in the ass to admit I have a problem was a post on last week’s Open Thread, someone described inattentive type ADHD and I then spent half an hour crying in front of my computer because that is my life, minus having any actual coping mechanisms. I wanted to comment on that thread but couldn’t quite manage it. So, whoever that was? Thanks.
The biggest step is reaching out and asking for help. You’ve already done a really good thing for yourself. Sending you hugs and calming vibes.
Hey, you reached out and asked for help. And that is huge. Hugs.
Ohhhhh I am sorry for how much it hurts, but yes, this is where you start figuring out how to make it better. Good luck, we are all here & listening.
Good for you! It is hard, and will continue to be hard, but it’s not about you failing — now it’s about you figuring out what you need to succeed.
Mazel tov and so many hugs on being able to admit it to yourself and talk about it with your partner. That is so, so hard. Sending all the hugs. I hope that your partner continues to be a source of strength and comfort for you as you take steps to get diagnosed and treated.
My partner is the best thing in my life. He is a rock and is nothing but reassurance and comfort. Even though I had to tell him that I’ve lied about a lot of things because if no one knows about a thing it’s not a problem, right? He was upset with me for about 5 minutes then went back to being comforting and wonderful. He is the only thing about which I have no doubts.
Spending the weekend hopefully sanding and primer-ing out the remaining cat pee odor in my new house, so we can freaking move already and I can stop showing people this stupid apartment (13 showings for an available townhouse in Montclair, NJ? It’s overpriced, and frankly, we have pets in here and that’s going to be off-putting until we move out and they steam the carpets. At least, I hope they do that. I guess it doesn’t matter, because I’ll have moved into the new house and I’ll be overthinking stuff there instead). Also, packing. Hopefully getting a decent estimate to haul the fallen oak tree out of the yard (it fell two years ago, but whatever, just leave it there), so we can get to the back corner to get fence estimates, so we can fence off the hoarder neighbor’s garage and piles of Very Useful Items.
I went to Marie’s Crisis last night and had a hell of a time! I’ve been several times before but this one was just particularly stellar. Toasts of New York, do any of you enjoy Marie’s and/or show tunes? I’d love to go more regularly!
I go to Marie’s sometimes (and work a block from there)! I have a friend who visits 3-4 times a year from Toronto and she ALWAYS wants to go, but she also always wants to go on Saturdays at 10pm when the door line is all the way to 7th Ave. I’m sure I would like it much better at a less insane time.
Weekends at Marie’s are decidedly Not Fun. I’ve had great luck with Thursday nights (especially if you arrive around 7:30-8), and my coworkers (who I went with last night) are wanting to make Thursdays at Marie’s a regular thing. We’d love to have you if you ever want to come!
I would love to go with you!!!!
Excellent! I think that when we’re all planning to go, I’ll post it to the Coterie page/try to slip it into Friday Open Threads. And feel free to contact me on Twitter @thecaitd if you would like! Just a warning that I will probably not be able to go again til the week of Sept 15..but I’m looking forward to it!
Oh I would definitely want to go … I love showtunes but somehow have never been to MC or Don’t Tell Mama and I find this to be a travesty.
The very best vegan taco filling is a slow cooker recipe: jackfruit carnitas. The longer you cook this (and the browner and dryer it looks), the better it is. http://yupitsvegan.com/2014/03/08/chipotle-jackfr…
My husband said he’d file for (and pay for) our divorce by August, only he hasn’t and when I asked him about it, all he said was “You’re not in a rush are you?” UM.
I left him in April of 2013, so it’s been over a year. I’ve moved in with someone else halfway across the country and we adopted a dog and I’m crazy in love with this new guy and I don’t want to be married anymore, only I can’t afford to file for divorce even though it’s only like $300 because I’m in credit card debt from leaving all my furniture and pots and pans and basically everything except my cat and my clothes with him. (Hindsight: What the fuck, lady?)
I’m like five minutes away from Kickstarting my divorce fund. But I know that’s a bad idea. And I should just wait for him to divorce me? I guess? Aaaaaaaaaaagh.
What a pile of butts! I’m sorry!
Low-rent divorce advice from the voice of experience: never expect the person you’re divorcing to be the slightest bit motivated to do anything for your convenience. Including get the damn thing done. Alas.
Is there no other way to get the $300? Kickstarter is not a terrible idea but maybe crowdsource from friends?
Does anyone here read Get Bullish? I just started a few weeks ago and it’s really lighting a fire under my ass, but it’s also REALLY overwhelming to think about following her advice.
I do! I do! I love it so! I’m going to post links to the two non-career advice articles she wrote, because I think the best way to sell her is “You could get career advice from this woman.”
http://www.thegloss.com/2012/11/12/career/bullish… https://medium.com/get-bullish/when-life-hacking-…
I do think… you know how the first two chapters of a diet book are always “Diets don’t work, except for VERY FEW people, but you COULD be one of the people it works for?” I feel like there’s a thread of “The economy is contracting, and we’re all a little fucked, but you COULD be someone who is not fucked.” in her work.
The advice on dealing with men as a contractor is priceless though. I do offer what I think is fair when negotiating, not what I want. I used to try to work with people who offered me ridiculously little, but now I send back one sentence e-mails. “That will not work for me.” “That isn’t possible.” “If you are unable to afford my stated rate, you will need to find someone else.” It feels like having sunlight in your veins, it really does.
There are lots of advice-y tidbits you can follow without, you know, dropping out of school this week and starting a business next week. But yes, definitely write a dream list of “businesses I wish I was gutsy enough to start” and then stare it for a few months. Her advice is generally sound on these things.
(Literally yesterday I was telling a friend that the two things she needs to read are The Toast and Get Bullish. I shout “write whitepapers” at a non-zero-amount of people, too.)
I just went over my list of things to do this weekend and realized I am going to be doing a whooooole lot of cooking (muffins for family, two kinds of jerky, banana chips, crab pretzels on Monday). I’m OK with this.
Oh right, Crockpots. Here’s my breakfast casserole. It is full of stuff that is unsuitable for people with dietary restrictions, but if you’re one of the “I’d eat that” people, and you have to make breakfast for a bunch of hungry dudes, this is the thing. PLEASE NOTE: this recipe uses a big-ass 6.5-quart Crockpot, not the 3 or 5-quart one you got from your mom when you moved out.
Coat inside of large Crockpot with cooking spray (or, if you’re me, wipe a paper towel of olive oil all over the inside)
Then, layer the following in the Crockpot:
•20 ounces frozen shredded potatoes (salted)
•16 ounces chicken sweet Italian sausage (browned)
•16 ounces hot Italian sausage (browned)
•32 ounces butternut squash (cubed and roasted with salt, pepper, and olive oil)
•16 ounces mozzarella cheese (plus 5-8 ounces more for the top)
Then:
•Beat 20 eggs with a little salt (and milk if that’s your thing) and pour over the top
•Sprinkle another 5-8 ounces of tangy cheese over the top of that
Then:
•Cook on low for 5-6 hours
•Remove lid and cook on high for 5-10 minutes at the end to crisp up the cheese and get rid of any extra moisture
Serves, like, 40 regular people, or 8 hungry (male) coworkers
**Note: You can switch out any ingredient for any similar ingredient and get similarly delicious results. For example, hot sausage instead of sweet, zucchini instead of butternut, cheddar cheese instead of mozzarella.
I went to Paris and London and they were both very lovely.
I didn’t get a lot of the stuff I had planned to do done, because of jet lag and general tiredness and a little bit because of not having planned as thoroughly as I should have. Also, I think I have learned that, while I do like to do some kinds of travelling alone, I might prefer to travel with someone for trips to less familiar places where I want to go do and see a bunch of things.
But overall, both cities were very nice, and I saw some things and enjoyed ignoring my to-do list and have accidentally started a mental list of things to do next time I’m there even though I’m not particularly planning for there to be a next time.
Toast! I don’t want to talk specifics yet for fear of jinxing everything forever oh god, but if y’all could think some good and lucky thoughts for me, that would be mondo appreciated. Will update you lovely people just as soon as I know things for sure!
Relaxed and groovy vibes headin’ your way!
Every good thought there is!
Fingers crossed! I love sending good luck into the mysterious void.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GOOD VIBES!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So many thoughts of goodness and bounty and fortune, all heading your way. A few of those thoughts will wander off and land on other people along the way, but you will get a deluge of them; I sent extra just in case.
This is the absolute best well-wishing I have ever received, you delightful person.
(And so many thanks to all of you, I love you all dearly.)
VIBES OF GOODNESS~~~~~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rabbits’ feet, horseshoes, and leprechaun socks!
There is a lovely tree I pass on my way home from work; I shall knock on its trunk for your continued good luck. 😀
Good thoughts for you!!
You deserve all good things. You are a blessing to others. May you receive blessings in abundance.
<3
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to judge the safety of a certain area in a city that you’re not really familiar with? I want to bike from my work to a university that I’m currently taking a class at. I’m driving at the moment, but I really hate stressing about finding parking.
I’m a suburbs kid, so I’m not sure how to straddle the line between crazy overcaution and hideous naiveté.
Do you mean like traffic safety? If you live in an urban area there will be a regional transportation planning agency that should have some statistics and maps for crashes and stuff like that. Some areas are tougher for bikes than others.
I meant everything–personal safety and traffic safety–and this is really helpful! I hadn’t thought to look for statistics on bike crashes.
Due to the world being hideously unfair, if an area has good bike infrastructure then it tends to also have good law enforcement infrastructure.
Does… does crime happen to people riding bikes? I mean, I guess a bike could be stolen once it is locked up, but if you were riding the bike… how would the criminal catch you in order to Do Crime?
I am asking in all honesty–my mom panics about me riding my bike late at night (not because of traffic accidents–because of Crime). I would like to know if I should continue laughing at her or become more cautious.
I think it would depend on how fast you were going and how badly someone wanted to commit a crime against you. If you were stopped at a red light or a stop sign, it would be fairly simple for someone larger than you to jack your bike or your bag. Or if they were in a car, they could block your path or hit your bike.
None of this is to say that your mom is right, just be aware of your surroundings.
When I was in graduate school, it was not unheard of for people to be robbed at red lights or stop signs.
The more you know! This is the first time I’ve lived in a bike centric place/ relied on a bike this heavily, so I am unwise in the ways of Bike Crime.
I’m a bit worried about this happening, yes.
Crime statistics are definitely helpful. Also pay attention while you’re driving to certain things – are street lights out? Is the area generally well-kept/neat, even if run down? Are there huge stretches of blocks where there aren’t any store or residence fronts, or there’s large open lots? Are other people out biking similar commutes?
Do you have any bike-commuting classmates you could ask too?
I’ve only been through during the day, so I don’t know about the street lights. There’s some trash on the streets and graffiti on walls, but not too much and the buildings are mostly inhabited stores/neighborhoods.
I don’t think there’s anyone biking a similar commute, sadly. I think a lot of people take public transportation to the school, but the schedules don’t mesh with mine.
I have lived alone in very bad neighborhoods. And walked to the El. Alone. It can be done. My mantra: Fear calls for caution, not for avoidance. Your mom may need to hear that.
That’s what I’ve been thinking, but it’s nice to hear it from someone with actual experience. Thank you!
Is it possible for you to drive the planned route in your car? That will help you look for bike lanes, quality of pavement, frequency and upkeep of lights, what the buildings in the neighborhood are like, etc. If the roads are crappy or the street lights are all out or the buildings are neglected, it is probably not somewhere you want to bike through. IME the best way to judge a neighborhood really is instinct and whether or not you feel safe. I’ve also walked through some neighborhoods in DC that folks would lock their doors driving through and had no problems as I was obviously just passing through. Also, bear in mind that a LOT of crime is perpetrated against people the criminal knows. Obviously not muggings, but a lot of other crime. Be confident, be aware of your surroundings, and you’ll probably be fine.
I have driven through it, and I’ll be biking in the middle of the day. I’m not entirely sure what to look for in terms of bike-ability, but the fact that I’m even contemplating this possibility means that, for whatever reason, the idea of biking through the area doesn’t scare me too much.
I think you’re right about the passing through thing–that’s what my gut is telling me, but I wasn’t sure whether to trust it. Thank you for the advice!
Completely agree that you should go with your gut instinct.
Can you just go through your route on Google Streetview? That might help you spot some pros and cons: are there any other bikes on the road/locked along the route? Are there broken doors/windows/streetlights, etc.? Is there foot traffic, or is it pretty much deserted?…
my theory is that my bike is more valuable than any and all possessions I may own, but that I can part with it if necessary because I can replace it, and also, sadly, that being or having been in a relationship is the most dangerous place for me as a woman, so, probably, anything else is fine.
Using Google maps and street view (as someone else smartly suggested) map out a good route and try biking it–on a Sunday morning (or this coming Labor Day morning). That test run will tell you a lot more about the commute (and give you confidence for when it’s busier) than anything else. Also I’ve heard from a lot of women who feel much safer on a bike than on foot, which seems counter-intuitive but I definitely bike in places that I would think twice about walking in, especially late at night.
Everyone’s replies here are awesome, just wanted to add a few things: If you’re worried about getting jumped at a stop sign or light, don’t hesitate to roll through those intersections. If it’s a busy enough area that you can’t roll through a red light, then you’re probably pretty safe because, eyes on the street. If you are feeling spooked or just don’t want to be conspicuous, turn off your lights for a few blocks. Lastly, I used to always tell myself (& my mom) that my chances of being a victim of mugging/assault/whatever are much less on a bike than on foot because I am going pretty fast (I also used to imagine whacking would-be assaulters with my U-lock, something that I probably wouldn’t actually recommend).
Oh and also– could you go a little out of your way to avoid a rough area?
Any Toasties had experience taking valerian? I’m having problems falling asleep lately and can’t take SJW (because of birth control), so am trying to find an alternative. Or if that didn’t work for you, did melatonin? I do all the other appropriate things, turning screens off 30 minutes before bed, dimming lights, reading for a bit, but I find my mind is racing even though I’m exhausted. I don’t really want to go on a full prescription sleep med at this point.
Melatonin worked great for me!
Ditto, though BOY do I get some vivid-ass dreams on it. Be warned.
Take melatonin a good 3 hours before you goto sleep as it takes a while to kick in, esp if you have rampant insomnia (Like I do).
When insomnia is super-wrecking me, I take a capsule of valerian plus 3 mg. melatonin for three nights, then try a night without to see how things go. Often that’s all it takes, since the valerian kind of swamps you with drowsiness, which helps the melatonin get your sleep cycle rejiggered. Best of luck, I hate insomnia and like putting it firmly in its place.
This is a good strategy. I will try this. Thanks, Heather!
I take this stuff and it works amazingly well. Like, creepily well. Although I have more of a problem staying asleep than I do falling asleep.
Valerian definitely helped, and it gave me super-vivid dreams. Be warned though, it smells like unholy ass.
I literally don’t understand how people drink valerian tea. YIkes!
I find it very relaxing in pill form, though, and add me to the list for vivid (and creepy) dreams on melatonin, but not on valerian.
Oh I wouldn’t take tea! I would definitely take a pill. Drug store didn’t have any valerian so I just got melatonin for now.
Valerian made me TRIP BALLS. It normally worked for me but this one time I didn’t actually fall asleep but found myself in this half-awake half-asleep trance-like state, where I was both not quite asleep but definitely also talking to an imaginary dog. So. . .uh, while that wasn’t totally un-fun I’ve kinda steered clear of it in general since then.
Don’t forget, there’s something between melatonin/valerian & a prescription sleep med: sleeping pills that you can get at the drug store. They got me through college.
Hello! Have you ever tried ASMR videos? YouTube that shit. Best and absolutely most effective insomnia treatment this chronic insomniac has ever tried and it’s chemical free!
OTC sleep meds work great for me … every major drugstore chain has some version of a liqui-gelcap and I find them effective but not habit-forming (although occasionally if I take them too consistently their effectiveness decreases, so I’ll have to go cold-turkey for 3-4 days). And they don’t make me sleepwalk which is always a plus.
TRANS REPORT… 7-12? I think?
It has been so long since I posted in the open thread! Work and school robbed me of my Fridays for a while there, but I am back for the foreseeable future!
So, where to start?
Since I last posted:
I talked with my parents about everything again and that went pretty well. My mom still seems skittish, but she is getting better.
I came out to my supervisor at work. She has had my favorite response so far. She said that while she had no idea how to support me, she definitely wanted to be a person of support for me and that all I had to do was tell her what I needed. She followed that with, “And if anyone mistreats you or anything like that, you let me know immediately. It will not be tolerated.” 😀 She’s great.
I also came out to the dean at my Academic Program, which was discouraging. I told her I was trans, and the first question was “Are you having the surgery?” *facepalm* But I guess it is good that she was generally supportive. There was also a odd moment when she referred to herself as a “balls out feminist.” It was awkward. Is… that a common phrase that I’m unfamiliar with?
I also told my best friend! We’ve known each other for about 20 years now, and he was cool about everything. He asked a lot of questions and was really upbeat about it. He did jokingly say that he was going to make objectifying remarks about my body once I “got tits.” We’ll just see how that goes for him if he decides to do that.
Apart from telling people, I also had my first round of laser hair removal on my face – it hurt so much! Apparently I need to put more of the lidocaine cream on next time. It is really nice not to shave as often though, which helps with the dysphoria a bit.
Also, I may finally be starting hormones in the next 2-4 weeks or so. 🙂 I had a long talk today with my therapist about everything where I basically said “I’m ready. Seriously.” He asked yet more questions, like how I felt about the permanent parts of hormone therapy, or if I felt that now was a good time due to my impending graduation, etc.
I told him that out of all of the reading and talking that I had done on transitioning, there are almost no cases of people who regretted doing it. They may regret a thing or two that they did, but that boils down to timing or prematurely changing their name or something like that. The vast majority of trans people do not regret transitioning.
Another question he asked me was about the loss of privilege I would go through by transitioning. I mean, it is going to suck, I’m not going to lie about that. I like that people don’t second-guess me or ask for me to support my arguments or talk over me in meetings. It’s nice. Yet it doesn’t compare to feeling an utter disconnect to the world around me. Experiencing everything on mute is not how I want to live my life. So, given the choice between feeling empty with male privilege or a full life as a woman, I’m going with the second one. It’s who I am – how much longer am I going to continue ignoring that?
*phew* It has been quite a month, my fellow Toasties. I’ll be on here more often in the coming weeks. 🙂
…in other news, I need to start using my slow cooker again!
It’s so good to hear from you! I’m glad to hear about what is good, and want to hiss slightly at people who ask about surgery. Welcome back to Cocktail Hour!
Thanks! It is good to be back. 🙂
she referred to herself as a “balls out feminist.”
I would REALLY like to see Academic Program Dean unpack this phrase.
I would love to see her try. I must have had a look on my face just after she said it, because she repeated herself and added “Well, in a manner of speaking.” Quite!
I ended up just letting it go, because sassing a dean is courageous at the best of times. 🙂
Your supervisor sounds awesome! I’m glad that even though some of the people in your life might not know what to do or say, they’re generally supportive. That’s really wonderful. (Hopefully the tits guy was just trying unsuccessfully to diffuse tension / make a joke and isn’t actually a jerk.) Thanks for the updates 🙂
I really think that my friend was joking to maybe ease his own awkwardness or tension, but it would still be totally within his sense of humor to actually make sexist comments and whatnot. So I laughed at his joke and don’t think he is a jerk, but I’m still going to call him on it if he follows through.
Your comments are always so thoughtful and smart and self-aware and funny and heartfelt, and this in particular
We’ll just see how that goes for him if he decides to do that.
makes me want to high-five you a thousand times.
Thank you for your kind words! I hope that by updating on a weekly basis I can include more of my thought process rather than just a list of things that have happened. 🙂
So happy to hear from you! Delighted with the response from your supervisor. We need to clone her.
Remind your friend that, should he try the objectifying, that becoming a woman does not make you forget how to land a punch.
Have you tried taking an oral anti-inflammatory, like Advil, before your laser sessions? In addition to the topical lidocain. I know Advil helps before a bikini wax.
About the loss of privilege. We who were born to the less-privileged gender welcome you. Yours will be an extra strong voice when speaking against misogyny; you know how you were treated differently and can compare pre- and post- transition.
As a cis, femme queer I hate sexism so much (and complain about it a lot, especially on Twitter) but I still wouldn’t trade being a woman (or queer) for anything. I think a lot of well-meaning but clueless straight men (like your therapist, maybe) assume we somehow want to be them when we grow up or at least be very like them and um, sorry, no, never.
My favorite easy crockpot meal:
1) Buy a Boston Butt
2) Snicker like a 12-year old about names of cuts of meat
3) Salt and pepper all over
4) Leave in crockpot (fat side up) for many hours (usually 9-10 hours on low works)
5) Pull out bone, then stir to shred meat
6) (Optional) Add BBQ sauce of choice
7) EAT your pounds and pounds of pulled pork any way you want (on a sandwich! on nachos! on a salad! while standing over crockpot (personal fav))
If there’s anyone who doesn’t laugh at the name “Boston Butt” I don’t want to be friends with them.
I think I HAVE a Boston Butt.
Walking around asking “What smells like pork butt?” is a crucial instruction in my recipe for the simplest slider/taco/burrito filling ever. I’ve also made it with just wine or just beer or just hard cider, or all gussied up with a mixture of spices and aromatics, or with just apple juice and rosemary (for someone with a tender stomach who nonetheless wanted pulled pork), and it always turns out great.
Things that I find soothing in my post-breakup haze and slow descent into full mourning:
1. Shawls
2. Drinking tea out of fancy cups
3. Painting feathers for the big ass wings I am building for Halloween
4. Knowing I can go home this weekend
5. Most recent issue of Ms. Marvel
Things that I do not find soothing:
1. The mess. Oh God, the mess. I didn’t realize how much cleaning up Boy did.
2. Getting broken glass embedded in my foot. (GUESS I’M NOT TRAINING FOR THAT 8K.)
3. Having no idea what to do with myself other than watch Netflix, even when I don’t really want to watch TV
4. The abrupt swings in and out of chest-crushing misery.
5. The financial outcome of needing to replace all my shoes (they all fell apart at once!) and all my bedding (for breakup related reasons) at once, plus realizing all the lifestyle creep that has occurred in the last year. I USED TO BE FRUGAL WHAT HAPPENED.
I have so much ENERGY and POTENTIAL sometimes and then I get wound up to do things and then my brain just completely crashes out. So I am exhausted but also jittery, and crushed but also disappointed in myself for not doing anything with this energy. Futz. This. Noise.
Remember that the Breakup Bunker is always available to you and anyone who might need it. Also try and remember to feed yourself, which I tend to forget to do when I’m upset and it makes me feel worse.
Labor Day weekend=sales=buy all the bedding and shoes!
I’ve got the blues, since the lease where I’m crashing ends tomorrow and I feel like I’m in no-housing freefall and will never unpack my slow cooker and get to make all these recipes. Living with my aunt has left me feeling more estranged from family than I though possible, which is another major downside to what I hoped would be a positive life change. On the plus side I’ll have control of the remote tonight and get to watch some 30 Rock reruns. Labor Day Sabor de Soledad-fest weekend! After which i will pull up my tube socks and try again.
Ugh. I have the blues, too. BUT, like you, I’m going to enjoy an evening of solitude tonight and it shall be beautiful. I hope things are better for you soon.
I’ll toast you with the block of cheese I plan to gnaw.
Thank you. I raise to you my bowl of guacamole. AT LEAST WE ARE EATING WELL.
I decided that I didn’t want to take on a part-time job and exhaust myself further for the next 4 months, so I withdrew a little bit from my RRSP savings account. I know it will mess around a bit with this year’s taxes when I go to file but I would be in nearly the same position if I had additional income to claim anyway, so. Now I have a little bit of a cushion for my eventual move/damage deposit/furniture purchasing needs, and if I have ‘extra’ once those things are dealt with I can always redeposit it into the account.
The other day I found my dad using the computer to watch a three-year old youtube video called ENORMOUS SHIT COLLIDING.
What particularly dad-like things have you dads done recently?
My dad made cookies and brought some to my office. <3 <3 <3
!!! Surprise dad cookies!! <3
Pa Jinx emailed me the other day to say he and Ma were cleaning out the attic and did I mind if they tossed my old Nine Inch Nails and Nirvana cassettes from when I was 14. As he said, “Even mom and I are now downloading music from iTunes so even this old guy knows the cassette ain’t coming back.”
DADS.
ACTUAL OUT-LOUD LAUGHTER
SO DAD love it
Worriedly called me to inform me that our AAA cards had expired – I offered to pay for a renewal out of our joint account but he said he had to go to the AAA office anyway to get maps so he would just take care of it there.
go to the AAA office to get maps
My dad did this recently too! Maps and guides to all the states I’d be passing through on my roadtrip.
Awww, dads.
DADS
Told me I needed to apply for a Southwest Airlines frequent flyer card because “they come in really handy.”
Emailed the whole family to detail his golf team’s narrow victory in their league tournament. Ensuing Three Stooges-esque exchange amongst he and his two older brothers, during which they consistently hit reply-all to treat us all to their genially-cruel mutual verbal abuse. Old Polish Catholic guys, man. They can’t actually admit to genuine emotion, so all of our family affection is expressed in varying degrees of loving sarcasm and teasing.
I texted my dad about how excited I was to go see Roxane Gay read at Book Court on 09/21, and he said “That’s great, Chrissy! Maybe you can ask her for some publishing tips! LOVE DAD”
Me: *trying to text and facepalm simultaneously* “Dad that’s super rude of course I’m not going to do that”
Dad: “Not if the conversation just naturally goes that way. LOVE DAD”
DaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaddddd.
*facepalm*
Dads LOVE networking.
LOVE DAD
Yes
while discussing how my aunt’s ridiculous vanity keeps her from being comfortable (like wearing soft pants/bringing her oxygen tank with her kind of comfortable):
dad: I mean, I’d be fine if your mom cut her really short, in an easy to manage and simple cut. Like yours is now.
me: but why would you have to be fine with it at all? Why do you have to have an opinion on how mom does her hair? Do you see how men needing to weigh in on every facet of women’s lives creates a culture where lots of girls are raised to think that what they look like really really matters??
Dad: that’s what I’m saying, a shorter cut would be perfectly fine with me, but you know, it’s like that Van Morrison song says, “the girls walk by, dressed up for each other”. I don’t know why you women have to make it so hard on each other.
AGHH DAD!!!!!
I am vacillating between excitement and sadness and many other emotions. It is job/life related.
I have been working in NONPROFIT FIELD for 5 years, the bulk of my post college work history. Mostly I’ve worked for small places, sometimes part time or for free while also doing other jobs. A year ago I took a vaguely boring kinda admin job at HUGE PLACE IN FIELD, as it was full time and felt like a real chance to move up. I have been confused over the last couple years about how to move up? There isn’t a clear delineation and jobs are scarce and mostly I’ve moved some variation of laterally? And maybe an MA would help but jobs seem to be scarce all over and I’m afraid of investing a big chunk of change only to wind up back in the same spot. I have fewer responsibilities here than I’ve had at previous places, and while I’ve been kickass at this job, I’m not challenged and I’m not learning. In getting to know colleagues I’ve found that many people stay at this particular HUGE PLACE for years without much advancement so I’m not sure I can move up here.
Anyway, have been thinking for a whole about next moves and was contacted by former colleague A from HUGE PLACE that former colleague B is interviewing for a new position at B’s new company, ALSO A HUGE PLACE and I should apply. So I did! And had the phone interview earlier this week! It went ok? I don’t have all the experience the new position needs but it would be an amazing chance to grow and is close to many things I have done and is the kind of job that would make me happy for a long time.
So. Amazed I was direct recruited. Validates my feeling that going to HUGE PLACE even in a small job was a good idea. But. What if I’m not good enough? What if someone with more degrees and experience is in the running? How the hell will I ever get enough of the right experience? I know a lot of people are in similar boats, but, it’s scary. It scares me to have so little control and maybe wind up stuck in only OK jobs and maybe wind up there because I’m only OK myself.
So, that gets to be my fret fortune next little bit.
You may get the job or you may not get the job; at this point it’s out of your hands which suuuuuuucks. BUT. It sounds like you rocked the interview and did as well as you possibly could and if they have any brains at all they will hire you.
HOWEVER. Important reminder: your job is not a reflection on you or your worth as a human being. You are so much more than your job, all of us are. I totally know how hard it is.
Keep us updated, ok?
Thank you 🙂 and thank you for the reminder. It’s just tough here especially, because the department I’m in has a culture of very icily hierarchical relations – not big things but lots of little things that leave me feeling very less than at the end of the day. (although I was one of those super-smart high performing students, so maybe the problem is me and my expectations? it’s genuinely hard to tell.)
I’ll let you guys know what happens!
I have been really enjoying all of the old “Best Time I … ” stories at the Hairpin this week, and I reread some of the comments on old classics. It made me wonder what happened to some of those old commenters! Are some of you just using different names here? Or did a bunch of them not follow over to the Toast? Show yourselves! 🙂
I will also take this opportunity to repeat what I posted a few weeks ago and to which no one had an answer: Where is Edith Zimmerman and where can I read things by her, because I miss her??
In the future, she will be found at First Look. https://firstlook.org/2014/08/12/taibbi-team-expa…
Oh, THANK YOU for that! I am so excited that I will get to read Edith regularly again!!
The Best Time they just put up about the sorority party is really great.
Her bra!?!?!?
i was theotherginger on the pin. i still am on the billfold.
I’m still this name because I like this name.
This weekend is our quarterly meeting of the Drunk Poetry Society, where 6-8 of my lady friends and I get together to drink wine and read poetry (our own or not, doesn’t matter). The theme is summer love!
I’m writing a quartet of short prose poems about summer romances I had when I was a whippersnapper and it is making me so nostalgic for all the summer boys I smooched. And it is also making me realize I don’t remember a lot of their names, whoops.
That sounds really fun! What a great idea.
It is the best. I can’t take credit for the idea, I can only proselytize.
My brother is 30 years old and can’t do the dishes.
If he does them by hand he just sort of rubs it until he doesn’t see any food. No soap. If he uses a dish washer he’ll put plates with dried on tomato sauce or burnt cheese straight into –maybe a lightly waving them at a faucet but no those were not rinsed– our washer, which he knows is barely works on clean plates. He’ll also put sauce pans in so they block any hope of getting water to the top rack.
And its not like he’s just had some one else do it for him his whole life, on and off he’s lived by himself for almost a decade.
Its a shit like this that makes me feel conflicted about moving. On one hand: I’m living with a man who doesn’t understand the concept of washing dishes. On the other hand moving means I am leaving this dumb bastard to fend for himself, which clearly hasn’t resulted in him learning anything so far.
Well, as a 31 year old woman who is fairly conversant with cleaning up after herself I definitely just had a “OHHH so THAT’S why none of the glasses were clean on the day I put the giant pasta pot in the dishwasher*!!!” moment.
*recently acquired for the first time in adult-life dishwasher, but still… ):
My first reaction is that it’s not your job to save your brother from his housekeeping incompetence. If he ever decides it’s a problem, then he’ll figure out how to fix it. If he never decides it’s a problem, then at least you won’t be there to see his half-clean dishes.
About learning: We humans rarely learn in the absence of volition. Until your brother discovers a need or desire to learn new techniques or new habits, no learning will happen. So, leaving him to fend for himself may be the best thing you can do for him.
And when he becomes inspired to learn, he has access to the same internet we all have. He does not require your special teaching touch. He’ll ask if he wants your help.
I went to see my psychiatrist today and he was both running on time AND really nice. I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone, he’s usually more than a little brusque. Anyway, I’m going to start antidepressants again… fluoxetine this time. My other ADs I’ve tried are Celexa (not really effective), Cipralex (rapid downward spiral after upping the dosage the first time), and Effexor (severe constipation). Would anyone like to share stories of how fluoxetine worked for them? Positive stories would be great, but also warnings of things to look out for.
It did the trick for me. Fluoxetine saved my life, actually.
That is very encouraging! 🙂
For me, Fluoxetine treated my depression very effectively but also made me inorgasmic. Which was a side effect I was not delighted about. So I switched to Lexapro, which has worked just as well on the depression without the sexual side effects. But as you no doubt know already, it’s such a case of trial and error because everyone’s chemistry is a tiny bit different, so what works like a charm for me might not for you, and vice versa. Good luck!!
Ugh bluh no I can see where that would be not a great thing. I mean, I don’t care THAT much about orgasms, but they’re fun. I think Lexapro is another name for Cipralex, which I hear is great for a lot of people but not for me. Hopefully the fluoxetine will agree with me.
And thank you! Much appreciated.
Hey, is anyone here a polymer-clay-sculpting expert? I’m trying to figure out how to get the right texture for an oatmeal cookie, and I just have no idea. (My chocolate chip cookies look KILLER, though.)
I wouldn’t call myself an expert at polymer clay, but in a pottery class I took recently I used some very crinkled up card stock and regular paper to get a similar effect to what you’re looking for. Coffee beans might be helpful to make a whole-oat look…? Hope that helps in some way!
So, like, pressing the crinkled paper against the clay to create the surface texture? I did that with tinfoil for the chocolate chip cookies and it turned out well — using a softish paper = a similar, but softer/blobbier, effect to what I got with the foil, maybe? I’ll try it for sure!
I am no help here but watching people make tiny foods out of polymer clay is my new favorite Youtube relaxation activity. SO TINY.
Yeesh. My neighbor is now in a nursing home; his nephew, who’s going to sell the house, just introduced himself to me. Neighbor was Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know, but in the most charming, old school gay way, and the nephew seems sprung from the same root but (most likely) straight. He is a bear and could not be more my type. Rowwwwr.
Needless to say, I must keep my female solo landowner wits about me at all times. Is there a patron saint of the Toast at whom I could mumble some beads, as the old Irish folk say around here?
Any saint burned at the stake should do. Toast patron saints were all toasted at the stake.
No! Don’t fall into the siren trap of slow cooker! Why cook things slowly when you can cook things that taste like they’ve simmered for hours in only one actual hours??
PRESSURE COOKERS ARE GREAT
-brought to you by the Society of Pressure Cooker Enthusiastas
Tell me more! I’ve been wanting to get a pressure cooker mostly to make stock – what do you do with yours?
I think both pressure cookers and slow cookers are wonderful things. In my house we use the pressure cooker for moose ribs and brisket, both of which are very tough but become perfectly falling-off-the-bone tender after 45 minutes or so in a pressure cooker. But the pressure cooker is loud and steams up the house, so if I’m going to be around all day anyway and I don’t want the house to turn into a sauna, I’ll go with the slow cooker.
MOOSE RIBS. Is there a big taste difference between moose ribs (!) and other ribs?
Moose pretty much tastes like beef, but a bit darker and gamier. It’s also leaner, though the ribs have a lot of fat on them compared to the rest of the moose. It kind of depends on the individual moose, too – a cow is fatter and tastes better than a bull.
Several years ago, I decided that tiny kitchen and uncertainty about vegetarian usefulness be damned, I was going to go straight out and buy a slow cooker!
… I mean, “straight out” miiiiiight mean “three years later,” right? I often dither like this over even small purchases: I want to be sure I’m getting The Exact Right Thing. So, Toasties, do you have recommendations for:
– a model/size of slower cooker appropriate to a two-person household that will also suit an avid entertainer? is 4.5 quarts big enough? Is 6 quarts too big? Should I just measure the capacity of the dutch oven I most often use for my most crock-pottable recipes and dishes?
– vegetarian recipes to make in the slow cooker? We don’t eat much in the way of chili, and I have a lot a lot a lot of bean recipes that should convert easily, so recipes/ideas for foods other than beans would be most helpful.
In exchange, Bartender, I promise you that my fake pulled pork (suitable for sandwiches/sliders as described, but also great as taco or burrito filling or served over pasta or polenta, and infinitely suitable for seasoning to taste or cuisine: just swap out BBQ sauce for beer or wine or hard/soft cider, add oregano or hot peppers or rosemary or or or…) will turn out perfectly in a slow cooker.
Also great for a slow cooker (and for being thrown together in a split second by a distracted cook): My super-simple black bean soup, made from shelf-stable ingredients and suitable for vegans. You might need to add more liquid for slow-cooker timing, but the soup is also great thickened down to use as a burrito/taco filling, or with eggs poached in it. This last one is a a favorite breakfast/brunch/late supper in my house, and with good reason.
(Question for those experienced with slow cookers: would The Bartender need to transfer the black beans to a different pot to cook eggs in the black beans? Or will they cook nicely in the simmering/warm beans?)
My small slow-cooker joined my beloved’s large slow-cooker when we married. We find we use the larger one almost exclusively. Because it works just as well at half capacity as it does when full. But the smaller one gets used during cold weather entertaining. It has become the designated cider-warmer. Keeps it warm enough for comfort, but not hot enough to burn a tongue, all while never boiling over even after hours and hours.
This is extremely useful information. Maybe I should see if my mother (who at last count owned 3 slow cookers, mini, medium, and HUGE) would lend me one to test-drive for a few weeks.
You will find the interior finish is extremely important. Do not skimp. Get the current equivalent to my super non-stick teflon pot.
Ooooh, non-stick would not even have occurred to me, but I will look out for it! Good tip.
Unless storage space is an issue, I say go with a large size. I don’t think I’ve ever wished mine was smaller, but it’s nice when you want to make a ton of food.
Most of my vegetarian slow cooker recipes are bean-related, but the few that aren’t are: slow cooker steelcut oats(cook it overnight while you sleep, but I’d recommend lining the slow cooker in aluminum foil because it can sometimes be hard to clean after) and slow cooker root veggie soup (I put leftover roast root vegetables with stock or wine or whatever, then set my bread machine on a timer, then when I get home I blend the soup up, put feta on top and have fresh bread and soup and sometimes a salad).
I’ve also used it to make really excellent peach butter, I want to try slow cooker crisp, and although I have only made meat-based stocks, I bet it would be good for vegetable or mushroom stock.
Storage is always an issue: my kitchen is the tiniest of rooms, clearly a converted coat closet or washroom. From the sink, I can reach every cabinet and shelf in the whole kitchen. But if I will use the dang thing, I can make space for it.
In the opposite corner to my previous recommendation, there now exist fancy slow cookers that do a zillion things, which might make more sense in a tiny kitchen. Some of them have a metal pot and some higher burner settings, which are mostly advertised as good for searing meat before you slow-cook it, but I suspect you could also saute onions before adding other soup ingredients, or just use it as an extra pot+burner if you were cooking several things. And I think I saw one once that could be used as a roaster oven, which might be useful for roasting root vegetables while also baking something, or without heating the whole kitchen/house too much.
This is great, thank you! I might hold out for one of the general-purpose ones. If I could make granola or bake potatoes or roast vegetables in it, I’d love that.
I think I was thinking of this one. The thing that stopped me from running out and buying one was that for that price, from a brand I’m not familiar with, I wanted to know how it would hold up. But it’s been out for a couple years, so maybe I’ll be able to find a review that covers that now. Stephanie O’Dea (the Year of Slow Cooking blogger) still seems to be using hers, but she also still seems to have some kind of business agreement with them.
I have seen lots of reviews from people who’d had them for a month or two and really liked them, so there’s that.
Also, it looks like there are places selling it for less than $150 now, which is good.
Some of the ones with removable ceramic inserts (which I think is 100% necessary because they’re a bitch to clean otherwise) can be used in the oven, too. Check the lid, though. The insert for mine is oven-safe, but the glass lid had a plastic knob on it, as my brother found when he put it in the oven.
The old kind of slow cooker with one knob and no buttons lasts pretty much forever, so if you’re uncertain what you want, you can probably find one to try out at your local thrift store for cheap.
For the egg poaching, I think you could probably use a slow cooker, but you’d have to turn it up to high.
For the soup in general, if I were making it in a slow cooker I’d be tempted to try to modify it to use dried beans, without them being cooked in advance. The internet suggests that dried beans can be cooked in a slow cooker on low in about 6-8 hours, and I would want to leave the soup all day anyways. And I used to get dried bean soup mix from the farmer’s market and make it in the slow cooker, and it worked well.
Good call: for sure, I prefer to use dried beans when I can, but sometimes canned is [snaps fingers, taps bongo, radiates BOHEMIAN COOL] where it’s at, daddy-o. Sometimes I just want to slap a bunch of stuff in a pot and have dinner ready; in a slow cooker timetable, there’s no reason not to use dried (assuming everyone’s up to eating the original cooking liquid from the beans, which is not a universally safe assumption).
And I’d expect to use the slow cooker to cook plain dried beans; that’s a thing, right? Right now I use the oven method, which is great and relatively fast, but there’s no reason not to use a slow cooker if I have the time.
Yes, cooking dried beans in a slow cooker is totally is a thing.
And yes, canned beans are sometimes where it’s at. Often, for me, because I’m lazy.
When a non-cook (me) lives alone and must feed herself on a salary from a nonprofit, she cooks beans often. Some beans cook well in the liquid in which they were soaked. However, the soaking water often becomes bitter (with certain bean, always) and you want to drain it away and cook with fresh. I have no patience, so I just throw out soaking water every time. You could taste it, I guess.
Agreed, I always throw out the soaking water and usually the cooking liquid from home-cooked beans. It’s a question of convenience and added nutrition vs. taste and possible motility issues; I don’t need to add anything else to the “possible gastric disturbance” side of the equation, especially now that I’ve had a series of gastric surgeries.
Besides, most of my bean dishes don’t need to taste MORE BEANY; I’m perfectly happy replacing the liquid with water or wine or beer or vegetable broth.
I cook huge amounts of beans in my slow cooker then freeze them. It’s a nice alternative to canned beans because I can cook them to not-quite-done so they can be simmered in liquid for a bit without turning to mush. Apparently kidney beans should be brought to a boil before being simmered, but I have never bothered and I’m not dead yet.
Regardless of size, just be sure to get one that has a removable crock for washing. Those old-fashioned ones that didn’t? I can even imagine. GOD. They might not even make the non-removable ones anymore, so this could be a non-issue.
MY GOODNESS, RIGHT? I remember trying to wash one of those pretty routinely when I was a child. Impossible! I noticed that when the bigger kids moved out of the house and stopped chipping in with the all-kids nightly-dinner dishwashing (so my mother had to wash it more often herself), she stopped complaining that it never got properly clean and instead bought a new one with a removable insert.
As for actual models, The Sweethome did an investigation of the best slow cooker and decided on a Hamilton Beach model from Amazon. I might order it myself, though I’d really prefer to buy one from a bricks-and-mortar store so as to avoid inevitable UPS misery.
Thank you! I read that some time ago, but I’d forgotten where.
Pro-tip for cleaning: Empty slow cooker. Sprinkle liberally with baking soda. Do nothing for several hours, then clean with a sponge and soapy water. It’s abrasive enough to take off anything burned on, and gentle enough to not mar the finish. Best beanless recipe for a 6 quart monster: Make 1950’s style Spanish rice (any kind of rice cooked with a scoop of salsa or can of crushed tomatoes, some chili powder, and any veggies you care to add. Mix this with a whole soy chorizo–you don’t need to precook, just crumble it in. Put this mixture into bell peppers from which you’ve removed the top and seeds. You can simply cook this for about 6 hours on low OR fill any open space with potatoes and other veggies, and of course top with all the cheese you want just prior to serving. Either way, OMG delicious, and the leftovers are awesome hot or cold.
Serious question: is it inappropriate to post here if I need to hire a few people to do small, not terribly interesting but still legitimate writing jobs? They pay in actual dollars.
I hope not because I am a people who would be interested in this. 🙂
Aaaaand ditto. Actual dollars are good to be paid in.
If it is appropriate I hope you will!
I hope it is deemed appropriate, as I am another who is interested.
I would suggest that you email Mallory/Nicole since there are currently 800+ comments and they might miss this one. I think it would be great if people occasionally posted things like this here; it really adds to the community feeling.
I love small, not terribly interesting writing jobs!
Raising hand in hopes of being considered for this work, AND noting that if The Toast had classifieds I would so totally be buying them, though free is nice too.
Okay, well, here goes, and if I’m in the wrong then (1) probably no one will notice in the midst of 1000 other comments, and (2) I apologize sincerely and I’ll never do it again. Very quick details: this is primarily educational writing, mostly test-writing but also we also occasionally have longer and more interesting projects. If you’re good at the work, you’ll make $20-30 an hour. The projects require a high level of attention to detail with some room for creativity and wit. If you are a precise writer with a broad knowledge base who can work fast, I will LOVE YOU and give you internet hugs and also as much money as I can. Email me! josephine [at) scholarscup (dot] org
Open thread AND CROCKPOT RECIPES YAY! I don’t yet have a slow-cooker, but I’ve been thinking about getting one, and when I do, I want to try one of the internet’s many slow-cooker kalua pig recipes. And I love the idea in another sub-thread for using the slow-cooker for mulled wine.
In other news, a friend introduced me to an amazing Scandinavian post-apocalyptic webcomic called Stand Still, Stay Silent, and I am now hopelessly, hopelessly addicted. (It’s a surprisingly charming and adorable post-plague-world-full-of-monsters story, and it prominently features cats.)
I just started that comic! I love the feel of it.
I went to a bartending masterclass last night! It was sponsored by a rum company and Yelp.com, and we learned lots of cool bartending tips and I met some really cool people. It was good fun, but I did not feel awesome when I had to get up at 6:30 this morning for work. Am taking a booze day off today, even though my elderflower ale is calling my name from the fridge.
I also received two Toastcards this week! Thank you Rosie M. Banks (I LOVE Edward Gorey!) and Amy (I LOVE Degas ballerinas!) whose toast handle I’m not sure of! I promise to get my shit together and write some ToastPost!
Yaaay toastpost!!!
Topics of discussion this week in Banjolene’s Elementary School music classes:
-Are zombies real? please give your evidence for or against
-Why do we, as 6 year olds, feel the need to assign a western concept of gender to the 2-dimensional cheetah on the board?
-What IS a hipster?
These are all EXCELLENT questions. What were the verdicts?
eee sorry I missed your comment, EP!
Here are the answers thus far:
– “there can’t be zombies because i’ve never seen a zombie” – incredibly wise 5 year old
– I got to meet Patricia Lockwood this weekend and she reaffirmed what I told my students: “there is only one gender for cheetahs and that is cheetah gender”
– My 5th grade dudes couldn’t come to a consensus on a definition, but we all agreed that hipsters would LOVE the Slovakian folk dance we were learning
Crock pots!!
Ok so here’s a great recipe for 1 pork tenderloin:
Mixture:
1 small clove of garlic
4tbs Dijon mustard
2tbs honey
2tbs brown sugar
1 tbs cider vinegar or balsamic vinegar
1/2 tsp thyme
Trim pork and sprinkle with salt and pepper
Pour mixture over pork turn pork to coat thoroughly
Cover and cook on LOW for 7 to 9 hours, or on HIGH for 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 hours.
Remove pork to a plate, cover with foil, and keep warm. Make sure that the pork is done by slicing on top it should be brown and fall apart nicely.
Other good ones for chicken:
Empty half packet of taco seasoning (homemade or store bought) on two chicken breasts. Put olive oil on top to coat. Layer two more chicken breasts, empty rest of packet (should be heavily seasoned), top with more olive oil. Cook until done (sorry I just did this one and I was at home maybe 1-2 hours on high?)
Also good is to just dump a jar of salsa on top of chicken thighs, set to low and walk away for a while.
I’ll have you know that this pork tenderloin recipe is in my crock pot RIGHT NOW and smells amazing.
Yaaaayy!! I hope you like it! It’s great with couscous!
So I scrolled down without reading the opening paragraph to this open thread and as a result I was like wtf why is everyone going on about crockpots is it some holiday I was unaware of?
ahahahahahaha, NATIONAL CROCKPOT DAY
IN AUGUST
BECAUSE SUMMER IS CROCKPOT WEATHER
wait, what
It does heat up your kitchen less than the oven.
EVERY MONTH IS NATIONAL CROCKPOT MONTH
Exactly why I cooked all my meals in it during those hot, AC-free, sticky Philadelphia summers.
I found out recently that I am almost certain I qualify for Italian citizenship, because my great-grandparents were from Sicily! This is super exciting because having an EU passport would be very awesome indeed. We don’t have a whole lot of info about the great-grandparents though so I will have to go on A Quest to find birth certificates. Has anyone done the ancestral-citizenship thing, or have any tips on searching for Sicilian birth certificates circa 1880??
Wait, what! My great-grandparents are from Sicily too! On my dad’s side, at least.
I don’t have any information for you, but I’m joining you in waiting eagerly for tips!
It’s called “citizenship by descent” and try googling! There are a few weird rules — for me, my great grandfather was born in Sicily and then emigrated to the US. As long as he did not become a US citizen before my grandfather was born (which we’re pretty sure is the case), then latent Italian citizenship by birth parent has been passed down through the father’s side — basically, as long as no one else before me has officially renounced Italian citizenship or gained citizenship of a third place, it can come all the way down to me. there are a couple of other rules about when, and it didn’t pass through the maternal line for a bit of that? It’s a little confusing but you can google it. Start here: http://www.myitalianfamily.com/record/requirement…
Then it takes a bit of work because you have to collect a bunch of records and get them translated and stuff, but honestly, it seems pretty worth it to get an EU passport.
Definitely worth it! I (an American citizen) am searching for jobs in France, and lemme tell you, an EU passport is EXTREMELY HELPFUL for working in Europe if that’s a thing you want to do.
Hold up! My grandmother is from Sicily and my grandfather is from Elsewhere In The Adriatic and does this mean I get fancy other citizenship now? Because cool.
It might! I wrote a big reply to christina tesoro up above. Start here: http://www.myitalianfamily.com/record/requirement…
Try googling for the rules about Elsewhere In The Adriatic too!
Are there any Toasties in the Charlottesville, Virginia/UVA area that might be interested in meeting up? If so, feel free to email me at wep2c at virginia dot edu.
This whole Zoe Quinn/Anita Sarkeesian thing is really sad.
This seven part series on domestic violence in South Carolina is really great, but also sad. http://www.postandcourier.com/tilldeath/
I started grad school again!
For those who aren’t stalking me and therefore have to be brought up to speed on my past, here’s a super-long recap:
I went to grad school in applied math right out of college. It was a disaster. The program I chose was not a happy place: the professors were for the most part highly narcissistic, sometimes prejudiced, crotchety old men; the grad students, including me, were pretty much permanently sad; and the math was nonsense. I’m sure it made sense to someone at some point, but by the time it reached me it was just a massive heap of arcane formulas and procedures to memorize, with no apparent rhyme or reason behind them, which is not how math should be done or presented.
Anyway, I left. And I left with the very strong impression that, at least at that program, math has fallen into the wrong hands. Those guys do know a lot of math, but they keep it to themselves, hoarding their knowledge like jealous sorcerers. They care a lot about research but not much about teaching or clear presentation of ideas; so, in their possession, math becomes this impenetrable enigma. And they act as though you’re not cut out for math if you can’t wade through their terrible explanations.
I do not believe this. In medieval times everyone thought that reading was only for a select few experts. And no wonder, because “reading” entailed deciphering ancient Latin texts that would have held little interest or use for most people. But nowadays we have the understanding that reading is for everybody, and almost everyone in the industrialized world can read, and we have enough quantity and variety of books that pretty much everybody could read books that they would enjoy all their lives, if they knew where to start. I mean, there are still “experts” – great writers and literary scholars and stuff – but they don’t claim that if you can’t jam with them then reading isn’t for you.
I think math is for everybody too, but we’re still at the stage of indecipherable Latin texts instead of public libraries. So I’m going to be a math teacher.
I have reasons other than philosophical reasons to want to do this, too. I taught one period of a math class at my college town’s public high school, and it was so fun. I came away from that experience thinking, “If this was my job, I’d be so happy.” And my tutoring job that I picked up after quitting grad school has been super rewarding, too.
So now I’ve started a Master’s in Teaching / Teaching Certification program, and it’s SO different from the other program. I mean, obviously; it’s a very different degree. But the professors are like, genuine caring people as opposed to robots. The challenges are different – instead of being purely cerebral, it seems like this is going to take everything I’ve got – but that’s what I want! And the other students are awesome people too.
I don’t know what the future will bring, but for now I’m really happy about the path I’m on, which is nice after a couple years of floundering.
That’s so great! I’m always amazed at people who have made careers as professors but seem to care so little about teaching.
You are exactly the kind of person who should be teaching math. I love your equating universal fluency in reading with universal mathematical literacy.
And only to give weight to my assertion: I know what I’m talking about. I grew up with two engineers and I have a degree in education.
Thank you! That’s gratifying to hear coming from someone with your background, and I will try my best to prove you right!
What an excellent way to discuss math accessibility. I may have to steal it from you.
I’m so glad that you’ve found yourself in a place and a program that resonates on all levels!
Yay! I had a lot of really great math teachers in school and I think that’s part of why I feel a lot more positively towards it than a lot of my friends. The world needs more people who are passionate about sharing what they know with the world.
Aw, this is really great to read! You know, I wanted so much to teach philosophy when I was studying it. And it’s only now when I look back on just how male-dominated and stuffy and old my department was at my uni, that it’s no wonder they had no interest in fostering a young woman who was keen on majoring in environmental ethics. I ended up just leaving after doing my Hons and finding somewhere else to study (which ultimately led to teaching too, and I love it).
ANYWAY I DIGRESS. The point is, good for you on getting out of a toxic environment and finding one which is obviously a much better fit and where you’re properly appreciated!
I doubt anyone will see this this far down, but are there any Toastrons in Pittsburgh? I’m going there alone for a conference for 3 days in about a week, and I know nobody! I’m supposed to go schmooze, but I’d love to have someone to non-networking hang out with in my downtime. (I’m also hoping to spend a lot of my free time in the hotel pool, since I’ve been swimming-bereft this summer, but hotel pools are pretty hit-or-miss.)
2 people were talking about being in Pittsburgh on a sports thread– find them there!
Hey I’m not sure where else to ask about this but does anyone else find that often, when they post a comment, the thing seems to automatically give yourself one thumbsup? It’s a bit weird, no?
(Sorry if this has been covered before.)
I only recently joined and noticed this as well. it’s a little strange.
Ok cool it’s not like a big problem so that’s fine, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t doing sth weird to make that happen.
Also THE OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT is WONDERFUL.
I don’t think so?
And yes, EDWARD LEAR!! the internet tells me your username is a British dialectical term for kitten, so thank you for teaching me a new word today!
I sort of like automatically thumbs-upping myself!
It’s like the site is giving you a thumbs up just for creating an account and chatting with everyone. 🙂
This was explained once upon a time as a—what, a perk?—for logged-in users. The interface automatically thumbs-up you. I felt really weird about it (OH NO WILL PEOPLE THINK I’M SELF-LIKING HOW AWFUL*) until that was explained to me.
*which was silly of me, especially when liking oneself seems to be the core message of The Toast.
I looked this up recently! It’s actually an IntenseDebate thing. They rate your popularity rating, basically, and every comment you make while logged in is meant to reward that commenting? The more you comment, the higher your rating. They’re congratulating you and you’re basically congratulating yourselves for contributing to the IntenseDebate network.
Aww that’s rather sweet isn’t it? Thanks for clearing that up! Must say I felt a bit weird about it like Elsa is Emily said above but she’s right – I shouldn’t really!
Update: The last 2 stories on The Hairpin are fantastic.
Is this BagOfDicks month nearly over? It is! Fuck you, August! This year, every year! it’s like February, but the days are longer.
I am spending all of this weekend applying for another part- time job in the same place that I already work, which could be madness and completely not workable (same instititution, different departments, different bosses? Is that a thing that people do?) but could also double my paltry income. Even the doubled income would be paltry but I am forty next year and for my fortieth birthday I want to open myself a pretty pretty pension plan with sparkles and ribbons on it so that my inner seven year old is pewling with terror about how difficult it is to Adult I can be like, ‘chill, youngster. Look. Pension. We’re Doing It. It is Being Done’.
Then I am going on retreat for a week and I am going to meditate and walk in the Welsh hills and eat porridge in Noble Silence and attack bramble hedges, an activity which I believe may be a shortcut to Access Insight if not enlightenment itself (if your secateurs are sharp).
I…have no idea. But good luck with second job!
I am so jealous of every portion of your last paragraph. I would love Welsh hills and noble silent porridge.
Today was my last day at my current job; in a few weeks I start an MA in Library and Information Studies. I have been out of student life for three years, so it will be interesting going back.
It’s hot, I’m tired, I can’t seem to log in here and some people at work are being big meanies. *stuffs hands in pocket, kicks dirt* On the bright side, it’s a three day weekend and my boss told me she thinks I’m great and I should leave early to take my mind off it. Have a wonderful weekend, Toasties!
Forgot to note earlier how eerily prescient the recent thread about empathy/sympathy/kindness/niceness was. I had been writing about that very cluster of things and how they help (and more often hamper) intersectional feminism last weekend, but it was really hard to pin down my thoughts in words that felt accurate or true. It was great to see such a mixed bag of thoughts and opinions all in one place, and definitely an aid to my understanding. So yay.
I cooked a cow’s tongue in the crock pot a couple weeks ago. Let me tell you what. It was the most disgusting and delicious cut of meat I’ve ever eaten. Anyway, buy a tongue, cut it in half if it’s too big. Throw in a chopped up onion, chopped garlic cloves a bay leaf and cover it with water and cook it on low for 8 hours. It’s glorious on tacos. Oh and make sure you peel it after it’s cooked. And feed the tip to the dogs because it’s a tongue tip. Unless you can handle eating that part. I couldn’t.
Are there ever any Toastie meetups in Chicago? Even though the readership demographic seems to skew a bit younger than I am, I am actively looking to make some new friends. I’ve checked Meetup for every permutation of “The Toast” I can think of, and all I get is fricking Toastmasters.
There are! Not many lately, though–maybe because there are in fact so many of us that it’s hard to get organized. So maybe you should propose one. 😛 What do you want to do and when do you want to do it?
Yay! I’d love to propose a North Side / Evanston Toastie meetup at Rogers Park Social. It’s my neighborhood spot, queer-owned but welcoming to all, with incredible craft cocktails, craft beer on tap, and many non-alcoholic choices as well.
http://www.rogersparksocial.com/
How about Friday, September 20, 6-10 pm? Does that sound like a good time and day to propose, with sufficient lead time? And how would I go about publicizing?
That sounds great! RP Social is awesome, and although it’s cozy I bet it won’t be too crowded early on Friday. (I can’t make it myself on the 20th, but it’s my neighborhood bar too so I’d be up for hanging out anyway.) Successful promotions seem to involve posting early on the open thread, front-page early if possible. Exciting!
Excellent. I’ll do my best to post early on open threads. And since we’re neighbors, and you can’t do the 20th, we two should meet up. I’ve posted FB into on my account so we can connect, if you’d like.
Any chance this fellow Toastie can get in on the action? Probably can’t make the 20th, as it’s my birthday, but future things? RP Social is my neighborhood bar, too, which means we must all live really close to each other.
Now I am thinking that the 20th is the worst possible date I could have chosen! Maybe we three could meet sooner rather than later, and brainstorm a better day and time over a lovely beverage at RP Social! Liis, my FB contact info should be accessible to you as well. Let’s do this!
Can I come, too? I just posted a similar plea for a Chicago meetup in today’s open thread. I’ll send you a FB message, too.
Has anyone seen the movie Belle, about Dido Elizabeth Belle? I just saw it (Monsieur Siniichulok did a very romantically kind and selfless thing and hung out with Baby Siniichulok for a few hours while I went and saw a movie BY MYSELF), and it was amazing. I want to watch it again and again, but it was playing for like five minutes at our local arty cinema.
Hey, Toasties,
I always miss you guys because I live in the future where it’s nighttime most of the daytime, but here I am anyway, a day late. I’m supposed to be editing a story and I should go to bed because it’s my baby’s 2nd birthday (TWO YEARS OLD! WHEEEE!) tomorrow… but I just wanted to say, I was pretty much a feminist from birth, I think, given my upbringing, however I’ve really become a lot more so in recent years/months, and I think that is due at least in part to you all at the Toast!
I bring this up because the other day I read a couple of posts about how it is apparently a thing to put your husband before your children and I was so full of nnggggah that I wrote about it on my blog, and I wanted to share it with you here!
http://thisclimbingbean.wordpress.com/2014/08/29/…
Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!
Thank you for sharing this. It’s a very good essay, and also it’s always nice to hear from the future.
Thanks so much for reading it! It means a lot.
People make a big deal of the future, but so far all it seems to be good for is reassuring our friends in the past that those crackpot ‘end of the world on x date’ predictions are nothing to worry about.
climbing bean refers to another article “…using language which is writing the men out of the equation, and painting women into a corner from which we’ve struggled so hard to emerge.”
Here is the best part, IMO, “We should be encouraging men to step up their game, instead of inviting them to leave everything to us. By talking about how we’re putting our husbands first–by placing them at the top of a the hierarchy of needs–at best, we’re excluding them from an enriching relationship with their children. At worst, we’re both infantilising them and disempowering ourselves.”
Damn fine post, climbing bean. Your Handsome Sidekick and your children are blessed.
Aw, such high praise! Thank you 🙂 I’m blushing.
Ooooh! Crockpot recipies! Here’s my contribution to the bunch:
Creamy Italian Chicken
(I actually cannot take credit for this as I purloined it from my former roommate. She could not cook to save her life, except for this delicious, delicious dish. It is crazy easy and super cheap)
Ingredients:
2-3 large boneless chicken breasts
1 brick of cream cheese
1 packet of Italian dressing seasoning*
1 bottle of white cooking wine*
Combine everything in a crockpot, put it on low and cook the shit out of it until the chicken shreds and you can stir everything all together. I usually serve it with couscous (I get a Parmesan flavored box mix and add about 1/2 cup of extra Parmesan and some Italian seasoning to it. You’re welcome) and a green salad. It is mind-bogglingly good and is a wonderful comfort food, especially on rainy fall days.
*Important note: Do not use regular Italian herbal seasoning for this. It will not taste the same. Go to the salad dressings aisle and pick up a packet or two of the make-your-own Italian dressing seasoning packets. Or if you’re like me, an entire box of them. Also, you must use cooking wine and NOT regular wine. Well, you can use regular wine, but it needs to be a very dry white and you’ll need to add salt to it. Honestly, I wouldn’t waste a good white on cooking, soooo, just break down and get the cooking wine, it’ll be worth it, swear.
Some people think it's okay to put frozen stuff in the crockpot, but I've never risked it. I will thaw my freezer meals in the fridge overnight. There will be a little bit of frozen-ness left but I think it's okay. I always cook mine for the longer amount of time (and usually then some) so I guess that takes care of it. I do this all the time and we've never gotten sick or anything.
Hello! Have you ever tried ASMR videos? YouTube that shit. Best and absolutely most effective insomnia treatment this chronic insomniac has ever tried and it's chemical free!
Late to the party, but one of my favorite things to do when the weather is nice is take the train down to Battery Park, read a book in the grass for a few hours (or craft or whatever) and then in late afternoon or dusk I walk as far home as my feet will take me… I live in Astoria which is a 7+ mile walk, so I usually make it as far as Queensboro Plaza before hopping the train/bus, but it is SO RELAXING and not crowded like Central Park is.
It's fixed 😉