Toasties! It’s cold and gross and finally time for Nicole’s favorite mushroom soup, which The Bartender made in order to pretend that Nicole was coming over for dinner when she was not, in fact, doing so. What I mean to say is let’s talk about our friends who are far away. Because even all our amazing technology can’t allow us to eat soup together. So basically, Fall open thread.
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
Parisian Toasties, make yourself known! So far, we’ve got beyonce pad thai, elleeedee, guppytroutmermaid, Bailey and me: anyone else? We just might have enough folks for a meetup!
In related news, there’s going to be a giant green buttplug on Place Vendôme:
I’m not Parisian, but I’m gonna be there at some point next month! Any chance you were planning on doing it in November?
I really don’t know: for the moment, we’re just trying to see how many people might be interested. But I certainly will be in Paris in November!
It’s totally subtle. I can hardly tell it’s there, it blends so well.
When are you going? I’m away there at the end of November!
YES I am here and so down for a meetup
Which arrondissement are you in?
Work in the 9th right near Opera, live in the 11th near Place de la Republique
I’m also in the 11th, near Oberkampf.
WHAT REALLY I live on Rue de Crussol
Oh, so really nearby, then! If you want to hang out this weekend or next week, you can write me at goingtoreykjavik (at) gmail (dot) com
Will do!
I ALSO live in the 11th (closer to Bastille)! And I am inviting myself to email you guys. Would love to hang!
I love your username.
I am sometimes there and will gladly join in if I’m by way of Paris and you’re meeting up (for now it won’t be til next term, however!)
Giant Green Buttplug on the Place Vendôme sounds like a Magnetic Fields song.
(Wish I were going to Paris sometime soon…)
The butt plug statue seriously made my day.
Argh I’m late to the Open Thread again! I’m a few hours from Paris, but it’s not inconceivable that I might visit the city this year. I’m in the country on a temporary gig and am extremely interested in making more connections in France that might lead to another job so I can stay here. 😀
Unlurking to say hi, and that this Parisian would love to join you for a meetup in Paris, as long as you can bear the French accent 🙂
Hope I’m not too late to the party – I’m in Rouen, so can get to Paris very easily. I’m on vacation for the next two weeks, and I think I’ll be in Paris for some of it – not this coming week, probably, but the week after.
I am here! Well, I live in Versailles, but… I’m practically there. Also, did you all see the buttplug sabotage?!
Yes! Poor little buttplug…
There’s no proper meetup planned for the moment, but if you want to get together, I’m free pretty much whenever. You can write me at goingtoreykjavik (at) gmail (dot) com when you’re in Paris.
Parisian Toastie checking in! I am late to the party but very, very interested in a meetup. 😀
Toastpals, I would like your lipstick recommendations!
I am looking for a lipstick that is reasonably long-lasting, preferably with a matte finish, that won’t dry my lips out, in a deep red/oxblood shade. Something like MAC’s Diva, except less burgundy and more red.
Earlier this week I spent an unreasonable amount of money on a Nars lipstick because the reviews for it are excellent, and rave about how long-lasting it is (“I ate a burger with this lipstick on and it didn’t even smudge!” etc.) I didn’t find it to be that long-lasting, and when I tried touching it up, what was left of it got all cakey, so I had to remove it all and reapply everywhere. I got it in the Jeanne shade – Sephora calls it “cherry red” which I think is inaccurate. The colour was pretty much perfect, and it’s not a BAD lipstick by any means, it’s just definitely not worth $37. I’m going to return it today, but I have no clue what to get instead.
Do you have Bourjois in America? It’s a drugstore range here, but they have a range of matt ones that look like lipglosses, and that’s how they are applied – but they last bloody ages. I think YSL have a similar one if you want high end.
I’ve seen Bourjois products in some drugstores, but oddly, only their eye stuff. On a side note, if anyone is looking for an eyeliner recommendation, the intuitive eyeliner with the three-pronged applicator is pretty amazing! You can get all up in your lash line and make your eyelashes look thicker and it doesn’t even look like you’re wearing eyeliner.
If you want realllly long lasting and also not drying I’d look for a lip stain or one of those balm/stain mixes. I have a bite beauty one that I like but the cheapo revlon colorstay balm/stain ones are actually pretty great. (The weird thing for the revlon is that the stain can come off on napkins and glasses but it will also keep your lips pretty pigmented.) I’d just shop around Sephora for lip stains to find that color.
I’ve never had good luck with lip stains – the application ends up being very patchy, I guess because I have dry lips. I could give them another shot since Sephora has such a liberal return policy.
Me too! I can’t do lip tars for that reason. The Bite balm + stain combo goes on super smooth. You can also use a primer or lip balm a few minutes before (to let it soak in) applying in the morning.
try a lip scrub for dry lips! I use one to exfoliate before putting on lipstick sometimes and it helps a lot
I have to begin this by idiotically saying that I don’t use lipstick much, but when I do, I like Body Shop’s Colour crush. I can wear it without walking around all day with my mouth slightly open and a look of panic in my eyes.
This is definitely not as high quality as you could find, but I have a dark red Wet’n’Wild Meglast lipstick that is matte, didn’t dry my lips out (although I put balm on beforehand), and lasted a reasonably long time – from before 8 am til after lunch. For 2 bucks, I’m perfectly happy to do a mid-day repplication. The color was “cinnamon spice” but I think there was a darker one on the shelf. It doesn’t feel very creamy or smooth on the lips, which is really the only thing I didn’t like. But it looked good!
Seconding the Wet’n’Wild! I have a pink and a deep red– they were my first forays into real lip *color!* and I LOVE them. I put balm on top, which makes it feel smooth.
Oh, I am wearing mine right now! It’s Laura Mercier Creme Smooth Lip Colour in Sienna. It looks like this
I use Stila Stay all day liquid lipstick, in fiery. It’s the best, and I get so many compliments on it. And they have two other shades of red as well, I think, if fiery doesn’t work for you. It seriously lasts so long. I found it did try my lips out when I first started using it, but either I’m used to it now, so I don’t notice anymore, or my lips got used to it? I dunno, but it’s my favourite and I will buy it forever.
Also, it’s like 30$, which is a bit pricey, but I wear it for going out or special occasions only (maybe once a month?) and it’s lasted me about 2 years.
The Frenemy on Tumblr talks about this stuff, from Sephora. She says: “Sephora’s Cream Lip Stain in Always Red is made by witches. It is damn magic. It is sorcery. It is 13 motherfucking dollars at Sephora. Every time you wear it, a pinup girl angel gets a calendar spread. I do not swear by many products, but damn, I swear by this one. It goes on like a lip gloss but dries like a matte balm. It smells like vanilla. It doesn’t feather and it doesn’t heavily dry your lips out. Put it on in the morning and it survives light kissing, heavy drinking, heavier eating, accidental face wiping, and general life until nighttime. This is not sponsored, I just feel like it is my duty as a Lipstick Fairy to send this info into the masses. Take it, love it, thank me later.”
I haven’t tried it, but I put it on my holiday wishlist.
I tried that one and had to return it, unfortunately 🙁 it did dry my lips out and then it would feather and smudge at the edge of my lips. Am I just doing lipstick wrong?? I didn’t use a primer but put a thin coat of lip balm under it.
DANG. Well, I guess I’ll take it off my wishlist, then, because I have annoyingly sensitive lips and if it dries out anyone’s lips, it’s gonna dry out mine. Thanks for letting me know.
Your problem might the balm underneath, at least in terms of the smudging! I know it’s counterintuitive but balm applied too quickly before some lipsticks tends to fuck with their abilities. I generally wait at least half an hour or so, until the balm has totally soaked into my lips or whatever.
The problem is definitely the balm layer! Anything greasy or oily next to these is the only that makes them budge. I wear mine with a coat of Too Faced’s Lip Insurance primer underneath (apply, wait a minute, and then lipstain) and they last foreverrr. If you find yourself wanting balm throughout the day, pat a little bit on top and you should be good. I usually put a good thick layer on at lunchtime to rehydrate and then reapply colour for the afternoon.
I think I might be making this sound like more effort than it really is? But these things are great, trust.
I was coming down here to recommend that. It’s freaking incredible for me, although I do feel really dried out the next day.
Thirded. I have a different shade, but it is remarkable. Is a bit drying, but nothing unmanageable for me.
MAC just released a Rocky Horror limited collection which is totally sold out online, but you can probably find it in stores! “Strange Journey” and “Oblivion” seem like they might work. I also have their “Russian Red” matte lipstick and I adore it but it MIGHT be a little brighter than you want. It’s just about the best true red I could find.
I have Russian Red and Red She Said (and like, 4 or 5 of their Mattene lipsticks in Classic Dame, because when they announced they were discontinuing the Mattene line I freaked out and decided I needed to stock up). They’re really great, but I want something darker for fall/winter.
I really like the Kate Moss Lasting Finish line from Rimmel. Colors are limited (BOO), but it’s pretty much the only matte lipstick I’ve ever tried that didn’t feel all weird and dry on my lips.
The Kate Moss nail polish is really good too. I love the wider brush.
http://beautyhigh.com/shop-the-trend-wine-stained… Eh?
Uh oh, I just ordered one of those Audacious lipsticks, in Anita. Hoping it maybe has a better texture than Jeanne.
So my two favorite lipsticks are a)the Tom Ford ones (sooooooo expensive, such pretty colors, so long lasting and moisturizing) and b)the YSL stain gloss thingies. I have two of them, they last a long time, and they don’t get weirdly gooey or cakey. Application matters, though. You have to apply a layer, do NOT blot, wait about 90 seconds, then apply a second layer. Then it stays on and is perfectly glossy.
For cheap lipsticks, can’t go wrong with NYX’s matte lipsticks.
(sorry for the detail, makeup is my major hobby and I can discuss this forevers)
No need to apologize for the detail, I love it!
http://www.sephora.com/rouge-pur-couturevernis-a-… Is this the YSL stain gloss thingy?
Also if you want to test out something similar to the YSL lip stain things but don’t want to spend $35, L’Oreal does a pretty great dupe: http://www.xovain.com/makeup/the-10-lipgloss-you-… (this blog post reviews a bunch of the shades)
I have a few in several different colors and really like them! They can kind of wear off during meals, but pretty easy to reapply.
yes, that is exactly them. I have orange de chine and rose tempura. I have lips that make 99% of colors trend pink when applied, and I was having a hell of a time finding a coral that would STAY color and not devolve into pinky nonsense, and that orange de chine color is the business. Love them.
PS Temptalia reviewed all of the Audacious colors and Jeanne was one of the ones she was a little meh on, due to application and longevity issues. So clearly it’s not just you. She had good things to say about Anita and Charlotte, which I ordered, so fingers crossed. Anita is sort of a nude beige and Charlotte is oxblood.
I love the YSL stain gloss.
But THE BEST matte lipsticks I have tried are NARS velvet matte lip pencils: http://www.sephora.com/velvet-matte-lip-pencil-P7…. They last and last, are super easy to apply, don’t smudge, are also removable on a whim, and are flat-out gorgeous (flat… get it?). I have Dragon Girl and Damned. I love them both. Dragon Girl is a bit bright on me, but it’s a beautiful colour.
Oh my friend who looks like Snow White swears by those! When she’s going for that whole Disney Princess Untouched Snow Queen look, she always uses Cruella.
I’m a fan of Revlon’s ColourStay line – both the traditional lipstick, and the liquid. The colour range in the lipstick has reduced, unfortunately.
Today I’m wearing Maybelline’s Superstay 24, which is another liquid lipstick. It stays on forever and ever, until I take it off with an oil based remover. I’ve got a brighter red on today, and have a couple of darker reds as well.
I’ve recently discovered NYX Soft Matte Creams and have been very impressed with the length of wear and quality of colors at the price point ($6.00!). They come in a little tube like lipgloss, with a doe foot applicator which was weird at first but now I like it as it allows me more control. They have a strong vanilla smell that fades pretty quickly. It takes about 15 seconds to set/dry, but once it does you’re left with a lovely nondrying matte finish. I always line and fill in my lips with a red lip liner before wearing any red lipstick (I use a cheap Rimmel one that works very well) and that’s been the #1 way to extend wear for me. My fave now is called Monte Carlo and they describe it as a “deep cranberry red,” which is accurate. I wore it one day from 9 til about 1 before I had a little fading in the center of my mouth (drinking water constantly but not eating), but it’s very easy to touch up and I didn’t have any caking problems!
Ooh, there’s a drugstore near my apartment that carries Nyx, and I have to go there tonight anyway to get a refill on a prescription. I’ll see if they have this lipstick!
For 6 bucks it can’t be beat! Also, I saw earlier you were asking about wear and I know you didn’t reply to me, but makeup is my bailiwick, so I’m gonna jump in. Lip balm is good for under lipstick, but it’s best to apply a thick layer, wait a few minutes so it sinks in, then wipe it off. Layering lipstick directly over lip balm will make it melt, and as you experienced, smear and feather. If you apply red liner after you wipe off the balm, the waxy texture will help seal in the moisture while providing something more substantial for your lipstick to adhere to!
Thank you for providing me with LIPSTICK SCIENCE, this is very important information to have!
I have this too in Monte Carlo! It’s excellent. NYX in general is a really fantastic, affordable line. I also like the matte lipsticks and the butter glosses.
Seconding NYX – was surprised you were the first person to mention it! Long lasting, not drying, great texture, easy to apply ETC ETC ETC. Ulta is doing BOGO half off all NYX lip products right now, also!
I just bought some of this stuff and it is my new favorite.
Canadian/Montreal/Ottawa Toasties: where do I find NYX stuff? I hear so many good things but my local Pharmaprix doesn’t stock them 🙁
London Drugs has it, at least out west!
White Cross Dispensary at Elgin and Somerset has a limited range of Nyx products. I stopped there tonight and picked up two lipsticks (will review later) but they had maybe 1/3 or less of the shades on the Nyx website.
I think mac all out gorgeous (http://www.temptalia.com/mac-all-out-gorgeous-mineralize-rich-lipstick-review-photos-swatches) fills your requirements for color but not sure about long lasting is. I have yet to encounter a lipstick that doesn’t smuge at all, but bloting and using pownder really makes them last longer and while the wet texture is gone after a couple of hours, the color last for the entire day.
Tarte’s lipsticks are amazing, and I also love Urban decay’s long lasting lipsticks. Both are probably in the $20-25 range. I also like MAC lipsticks for being long-lasting, though they are more advanced to apply than the other two I mentioned. If you go MAC, get a lip liner too.
Sephora brand lipsticks — they last FOREVER and are matte and come in lovely colors. And I think they’re like $12?
this! i have had great experience with sephora’s creme-finish lipsticks. admittedly i tend to go bright rather than dark but i think the same worries tend to apply—they’re super-pigmented without a patchy finish, matte/smooth without being drying. they don’t have the staying power of a stain, but i’ve had them last without any reapplications through an 8 hour shift of small-talk with customers/drinking/eating during break time.
I highly recommend Origins Amaryllis. It’s a deep, true, bloody red and I love it so much. I don’t wear it that often, but when I do, I feel like it does a BAM thing to my lips.
Loréal’s colorstay (2 step process) in Cerise works way better than any expensive stuff I’ve bought, and I only have to reapply once during a night of drinking (alcohol will wear away at even the very best lipsticks). I get compliments on it all the time. The important thing is to follow these directions EXACTLY:
1. Apply color
2. Let it dry COMPLETELY for at least 2 minutes. It should no longer feel wet on your lips
3. Put moisturizing coat on. Let dry COMPLETELY before eating or drinking
I’m not sure if the color is right, but the cause sure is: http://ladypartsjustice.com/party-kit/
THAT’S AMAZING
I really like the Bobbi Brown Art Stick. It’s easy to put on (key for me as I am incompetent re: makeup) and lasts pretty well. I guess some people find it drying, but I love it. The only downside is that is only comes in 8 colors…but I think there’s one that matches your description.
if you’re looking for/willing to try indie makeup, try My Beauty Addiction (.com) (or on Etsy), they have lip paints and lipsticks that are really nice and last for a while – I have bunches of them, I usually have to do a touch up after eating but I buy them in the slim tubes ($5) and put it on like chapstick and it works really well! Very moisturizing. I never blot, which is probably why it comes off on my cups when I’m drinking, but I think the amount of staining I do is totally avoidable with more responsible lipstick application. They have a few reds, some bright matte reds and a lipstick called Red Hot that’s dark red with a gold undertone, it’s gorgeous.
Also MBA is owned by a woman and done completely out of her garage with 2 female assistants and that is the best and I love giving them my money.
I work at a regional fashion magazine, and from my extensive lipstick samples, I would recommend either BITE’s high pigment pencil in Bramble or Estee Lauder’s ‘Pure Color” lipstick (I have the vivid shine in violet, which is pretty matte! But they have a very large color range). They have a really pretty matte stain and I can drink coffee without smudging. I use a brush to blend, but fingers work too. Both are on the expensive side ($24-$26), but they do last for a very long time. I’ve had my BITE pencil for about two years.
ALSO, I want to express my SEVERE DISPLEASURE with Lush for discontinuing their A Million Kisses tinted lip balm. It was amazing. All the moisturizing power of a lip balm, but super pigmented and with decent staying power. And then they just… stopped carrying it. BAH.
The colour was great but the texture was so weird! I worked at Lush and no one would buy it because it was always like… gritty.
The other tinted lip balm (It Started With a Kiss) was like that for me, but my only issue with 1,000,000 Kisses was that the top layer would thicken, almost like the skin that forms on cocoa if you don’t drink it fast enough, and I would have to peel it off, which was a messy endeavour. But otherwise I loved that stuff.
Try Shiseido or Dior
I love Jouer’s hydrating lipstick in Simone, but it’s not as hydrating as the name suggests. I wear it over Sephora’s clear lipliner and I’ve had no problems with feathering. Hikari makes a surprisingly long-lasting and moisturizing lipstick, but IDK how good their red is. I have it in Cabernet, which is actually more of a pink-red/deep rose color. It’s amazing.
NYX (which is a cheap drugstore brand and their matte lipsticks are better than any of the fancy-lady expensive lipsticks I own) — Alabama is my preferred shade (more of a deep brick red) but they have others that you might like better. I drink a lot of tea and water during the day, and any time I wear it it requires only the mildest of touch-ups.
Revlon has a line of matte balm stick things that are pretty damn great. And there’s usually some kind of buy one, get one thing happening at CVS, so I keep buying more.
Fallen London thread!
New to Fallen London? Being pestered by an impertinent Lapidary and in need of rare jewels? Or perhaps, you’re looking for First City memorabilia, strangely-shaped skulls or ill-tempered felines?
Why not ask Inpiun, your friendly neighborhood Crooked-Cross, during a bout of Suspicious Loitering or a friendly Game of Chess!
I am currently trying to collect enough whispered secrets and/or appalling secrets to get to 30+ expedition supplies to be able to go on an expedition to the tomb of seven to hopefully become a scholar of the correspondence and then hopefully, finally, be able to open that tantalizing invitation from the University. Needless to say: I love this game.
That invitation is taunting me, too.
That is also what I am doing.
You know I have to play now. Advice if I start playing this today/tonight?
Don’t worry too much – very few decisions are irrevocable. Consider your Ambition carefully, though, as those are hard to change. Take advantage of the opportunity to pick a really over-the-top Dickensian name.
Read the text boxes. The writing is glorious.
Also, once you have Lodgings, go there and click “Attend to matters of society and scandal” -> “Send a calling card” and you can friend ALL the Toasties!
How do I know the Toasties? I logged in w/an email, not Twitter. Did I fail already?
Ok, nm, figured it out. I’m Sinestria LaCoup
If the game warns you that something will be “difficult to change,” realize that probably means real $$$. (This is not common, just take them seriously when they say it.) (Also when they tell you something is a foolish idea. They are not lying.)
Devils are trouble. Of course, some people like trouble.
Of course the number one foolish idea is still on hiatus. *stares at “A Bad End” in her inventory* Some day. Some day…
*fist-bumps fellow Seeker*
“Some people like trouble” Q.E.D.
D:
Everything I know about this is making me deeply question your self-preservation instincts right now…
I’m still learning, but am starting to figure out that attempting the higher-risk challenges may still be a good thing even if you fail because it can still open up storyline options. I think?
I forget the exact numbers, but you get a good amount of change points (toward an increase on the level of your stat) on failure from hard challenges, at a certain point as much or more as success on easier ones. It takes a while before you get menaces (wounds etc.) from failures too. And the menace areas are kind of interesting . . .
That’s excellent encouragement to be a lot less risk-averse than I normally am, thanks!
In Fallen London, education can LITERALLY drive you mad.
TWICE since I got into the university, TWICE
If you have the Appalling Secrets for it, the option to spend Appalling Secrets to reduce your Nightmares is actually a pretty solid one. It only uses the full ten if it succeeds, and two if it doesn’t; and succeeding will take you from 3 or 4 Nightmares down to zero.
Is that option “No! You will put these things from your mind!”? It says the odds are strongly against me there and I have no idea why.
Yes, that’s the one! That just means that it’s a difficult luck challenge, i.e., one you’re more likely to fail than succeed. But like I said, you only lose two Appalling Secrets on failure!
Oooh that’s good to know! Thanks!
That’s great to know! every time I get my nightmares down I do something silly and it goes right back up! Any tips for reducing scandal? I’ve made some…questionable decisions.
Using the “Attend to Matters of Society and Scandal” options in your Lodgings you can have your friend dispel some rumors about you! Or you can have them become the target of those rumors instead! (Hopefully in that case they are willing dupes, or very good friends to begin with.) There’s also the option to hang out in church if that’s more your style!
If you lack friends to pin scandal onto, you may find me at http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Avis~W…! I am high-level and Time is about to visit me anyway, so I can handle a little extra. 🙂
I am toiling away at my Nemesis storyline, collecting candles! (I am exactly 2 candles short of being able to advance past the next bit, and grimly refusing to just buy the damn things. Those are MY pennies and I wanna keep them.)
I’m trying to get my Dangerous high enough to please the Ambitious Barrister, but it’s tough since I’d rather be at court impressing everyone with my poetry skills, or hanging out with louche devils. Another side-quest is to make enough money to buy fancier clothes – I’ve got my eye on the 12-carat diamond ring, for slapping people with.
I’m Vipsania Beauregard there, anyone feel free to drop off a calling card!
I love the dangerous challenges. I was genuinely bummed when I got too dangerous to needle-wrestle anymore.
If you miss it that much, have you tried buying a Talkative Rattus Faber? He reduces all your stats by 25 (because you can’t concentrate) and you can go back to lower-level challenges.
I do not think I miss it that much now, but that is solid advice if I ever do. Illegal fighting rings have taken over that place in my Fallen London heart. And I’d miss all the other higher-level murdering and thievery.
I’m starting to get twitchy from all of my nightmares, but I enjoy flirting with the demons.The street urchins and I are becoming fast friends and I just bought tickets to the circus, though nothing is perking my interest just yet. Is there really any point in buying objects from the bazaar? I rather run around arm wrestling and spying.
Sometimes! For example, I bought a reprehensible lizard (which is required for one of the carnival games) and found that it also generates lizardly opportunity cards where, if you feed it lamplighter’s beeswax and get lucky, your nightmares will be reduced. Also, some clothes give you extra attribute points when you wear them.
Thanks! Also, I love to read all of our comments on this thread just as stand alone statements and they are so amusing. “The blind pianist keeps asking me to help her smuggle demons out of Hell!”
Was sucked into Fallen London only last week by all the delicious tales on the Toast so have yet to meet any Lapidaries, impertinent or otherwise, but am exceedingly interested in fisticuffs, suspicious loitering, and games of chess – I’m Theoretta Rizing.
How far have you lovelies gotten in the “attending to the needs of a singular plant” storyline? I’ve never gotten beyond 8 because every single time I let the Noted Orchid-Grower consult with me, it goes back down. (Note to self, stop trusting the Noted Orchid-Grower.) Is the payoff worth the cost of the rats and candles I have to feed it?
Man idk, that Noted Orchid-Sabotager has screwed up my plant so many times that it’s never gotten above level 3. Screw her and her herbaceous lies >:(((((((((
I have no idea. Mine is at 16 and I think I’m near the end (it may have, er, just eaten [sic]’s plant a little bit …) but holy hell it has taken months and months of patient resource-expenditure to get it there.
(Also, if you are alarmed at the number of rats it eats now, JUST YOU WAIT.)
No idea! I think mine’s up to 8 or so, and I refuse to gamble any of my hard-won progress on the orchid-grower. If you’re high in Dangerous and low on rats, you can get a bunch of rats by supporting the union in the strike at the Wolfstack Docks.
Mine is also not not that far along, but I heard from another player that it will grow decapitated heads if you fertilize it enough, and it can also rescue you if you get trapped inside a velvet-lined box at any point… so I’m going to just keep fertilizing!
This week I got TWO random gifts from delightful people, which turned out to contain Correspondence Plaques. I have no idea what they are but they are etched with glowing sigils! What could possibly go wrong!!!
ALMOST makes up for the fact that I lost my beloved decapitated head in a stabbing incident. T__T Goodnight, sweet prince
I’ve never had a decapitated head, but I did acquire a leathery human heart earlier this week. Not sure what to do with it…
IIRC if you get five of them you can do . . . something . . . with them at the University, but otherwise they’re just curiosities, so far.
I went back to prison in search of a tooth to help me kill the Vake, and now I’m hanging out in New Newgate until I’m not so suspicious. Soon, I hope!
Straight from prison to the tomb colonies. Cynthia Hawthorn needs to get her reputation under control.
I’m kind of bummed about Fallen London at the moment. It’s just taking so long to build my skills up, and I’m not getting any cool opportunity cards, and I started an Ambition and can’t get back to the damn thing because it’s in a place I can only sometimes access.
How do I get the game back to the pace it had at the beginning? Am I missing something?
Hard to say! What Ambition, what are you doing, what are your stats?
It’s probably just where I am level-wise. I’ve just never been a skill-grinding type of gameplayer so it feels tedious to me. I like the storylets much more than doing the same one-off things over and over to boost my skills.
Don’t remember the name of the Ambition but it took me almost immediately to the Docks. I don’t really have any activity options except the normal things in each location. I’m at 62 in Watchful and everything else is right around 40.
Yeah, I know they’ve rebalanced a lot of the game to make it more varied, but that’s always going to be an issue, making the acquisition of skills/things to progress slow enough that people don’t blow through a million words of content in a week, but fast enough that people don’t get frustrated.
I’m running an alt character who’s starting from scratch just to experience all the changes they made, but they’re only in the 20s yet, so I don’t have specific advice. But keep an eye out for stuff very soon–the seasonal event Hallowmas is coming up, and last year it was very lore-full.
Hmn, did you know that the tokens you get from doing social stuff (Hastily Scrawled Warning Notes & Sudden Insights & stuff) can be used up to increase your skills? Probably you do, but I just discovered this and it is helping me get over a stuck place with my Shadowy.
I know it says you can spend those things at your lodgings to increase skills, but I go to my lodgings and there’s no option there. How do you dooooooo it???
Counter-intuitively, under the “invite a friend” for the particular stat.
Yes, it is hard to find, I only just discovered it! If you go to your lodgings and click the ‘invite a friend to XXX’ option, you get a new screen with more options, and the ‘spend things to increase stat’ is one of them.
If you can only access the place sometimes, you’re probably not ready to pass the skill check you’ll face anyway. Just pursue other stories that interest you while you work up to opening your route permanently. Frankly, the game will never be as fast-paced as it is from skill levels 1-30ish because you need more and more change points for a single level, you stop getting so many “freebie” increases, and you start accumulating menaces that need to be dealt with. It’s just how it goes.
The Ambition in particular is not something you can blast through–it’s meant to be the longest story your character works on, basically. And in fact, none of them are even finished yet!
Are you trying to tell me I never WILL get my hands on that diamond as big as a heifer?
Nope! Because *I* will have already gotten MY hands on it. >_>
I went mad this week while pursuing my Heart’s Desire because of all the nightmares from trying to reach the forgotten quarter. But I am almost there, and then I can finally meet that person I am supposed to meet!
Actually, I am still in A state of some confusion. I am trying to get out of it.
Reporting for duty! I’m Mnemosyne Lane, everyone’s favourite Midnighter, and I am open to all social requests except Patronage (sorry).
I’m close to capping out all my stats and have basically played all available content, so I was amazingly excited when they announced the next segment of the Ambitions. Nemesis HO! http://www.failbettergames.com/an-ambitious-updat…
This week I cavalierly gazed into a fun house mirror and instantly went insane. This was pretty disappointing because I’d been doing a good job managing my nightmares–who knew painting the royal portrait would be so soothing? I’m also cultivating my Unaccountably Peckish quality because that totally seems like a good idea.
Uhh. Anyone know what I should do with the Starvling Cat I just acquired?
(I’m Vivian Street, by the way. Hit me up for social requests. I’m game!)
I played a long time ago but my old account is…gone. Well, never mind! I will start again. Sophronia Bingworthy-Jones, and I would be delighted to receive any and all calling cards.
They have VASTLY improved it since when it began on twitter, so it is really worth starting over!
I just sent you a letter! I am Gwenllian Jones, currently seducing both the Struggling Artist and the Struggling Artist’s Model, as well as trying to detectivise for the Honey-Addled Detective.
I just opened up the Flit! Getting access to a new place is exciting! Now I need to collect more rats on a string! (Really, I need to be doing my work).
My daughter joined her school’s cross country team and their first meet is next week. I got this e-mail about the meet today:
*Girls will run at 8:30 (be at the upper school at 8:00), Boys will run at 9:00 (be at the upper school at 8:00 as well for team picture and cheering on the girls).*
There is no mention of the girls cheering on the boys.
I other news, I just finished reading Wives and Daughters and I am shipping Molly and Lady Harriet so much.
Loved Wives and Daughters, even though it is frequently written as though intended for psychoanalytic dissection in a beginner lit class! (Hyacinth and Cynthia literally gobble up Molly’s food!) Lady Harriet is amazing, though, and I am all aboard your ship.
High five your daughter’s school!
It has been awhile since I read the book, but the BBC miniseries of Wives and Daughters is delightful! I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it.
I saw the miniseries a couple of years ago and I blame Anthony Howell and his beautiful face for making me miss the fact that Roger is kind of a juicebox. In the book he seems to only fall in love because the woman is beautiful, so he does not fall for Molly until he sees that she has become beautiful. Blerg! Lady Harriet on the other hand seems to be in love with her from the start.
Yes, this happened to me as well (although I also blame my age, I think I was 12? when I first saw the miniseries).
Sounds like that team has an awesome coach!
We bounced off of W&D earlier this year; maybe I should try it again now that it’s autumn.
Love that book so, so much. It’s the most nearly perfect work of literature I can think of, and the only reason it’s not perfect perfect (I think) is that unfortunate little detail of its lacking an ending.
Hello, Toasties! I get to spend my Friday drafting Very Important/Very Touchy Donor Communications. What interesting things have your bosses tossed at you today?
It’s more infuriating than interesting, but apparently filling out forms correctly is beyond some executive MBA students, so I get to redo about 60 forms. In pen.
I spent twelve hours doing a project this week and my boss is back in the office today telling me that I did everything wrong (despite the fact that all I did was work with his golden-child favourite employee, and did as she said) and I have to do it all over again. I was somehow supposed to miraculously divine this even though he’s been out of the office all week and incommunicado.
/silent weeping on my desk
I get to talk to a group of minority students about how to improve their applications to graduate school, so that’s actually pretty awesome.
Oh! That IS cool.
that sounds like my job!
Nothing. My boss will give me nothing interesting to do. I will spend the remainder of the morning here on the Toast and then we have an office outing to a museum.
I did get to do some fun visa-related research yesterday, but no one seems to believe the results of it.
This week I used my incredibly expensive master’s degree in an entirely unrelated field to make about one zillion photocopies.
Well it’s not so much my boss, but a member of the public gave me 50 minutes to respond to an email he sent after 5pm (the first version of which he spelled my name wrong in the email, natch) before he forwarded it to the chair of the board and complained about how persistent he has to be to get me to respond to his emails. Luckily he also managed to forward our earlier string of emails sent during normal work hours that show me getting back to him regularly. But seriously dude.
Otherwise I’m doing some research into building codes and emergency water supplies to write a public comment letter due Monday and then email-beg a few people to add thoughts and considerations on a Friday afternoon. I’m sure that’s going to go well.
I got tossed some feedback saying “You should be more independent, but also you should ask my permission before doing certain things that you’ve been doing.”
*facepalm*
My daughter threw a one-hour tantrum last night because I wouldn’t let her have a green throw pillow (because when she previously had it she was hitting people with it in the face) and I had to sit on her for a long time while she tried to struggle away and break things, punch me in the face, etc etc. Which sucked, but afterwards while she ate a very late dinner she told me quite proudly about how now that she was five she was a lot stronger and could almost get me off of her, and we discussed how once she’s got enough self-control not to throw tantrums I’ll teach her how to beat up bad guys.
I’m looking forward to my vacation next week, though. 🙂
Parenting is exhausting, when done well. And you are doing it well.
A typically well-behaved department wants to do something they’re not allowed to do, and has escalated it enough on their side that they’ll probably get to. And now it’s been escalated on my side to the point where my boss’ boss’ boss is involved.
I don’t really have a dog in this fight. I get where they’re coming from, but they’re setting a terrible precedent and hurting themselves long term. But everybody above me (on both sides) is pisssssed.
Get rooms in the fanciest hotel in Assbutt, Arkansas, for two people. No, three. No, four.
They’ve been on the waiting list for several days now, and the concierges hate me because I call multiple times a day in varying stages of panic. If these rooms don’t open up, my boss and colleagues may have to stay at the …gulp…Hilton.
Business plan: 1. open another boutique hotel in Assbutt, Arkansas 2. accommodate all the people who are apparently too fancy to stay at the dang Marriott like normals 3. profit.
Pet thread! Because my not-strictly-an-indoor suburban cat came walking with the dog & I last night, again. So here are Eve (leashed) and Patrick (not):
No pictures attached, but here’s a fun story.
My parents recently got a second dog – another lab retriever mix, from the humane society, in August. (Lexie) She’s about the same age (5-6) as Rica, the dog they’ve had for 4 years now. Lexie was previously an outdoor dog, and doesn’t particularly like any of the dog beds that my parents already have around the house, but does like laying on rugs, so my mom put out some bathroom rugs for her. Well, these rugs started getting torn up. Dad thought it was Lexie (new to being indoors, just being a bit of a pest), Mom thought it was Rica (jealousy issues over new dog). So my dad set up a trail cam to figure it out – turns out it was in fact, Rica being jealous.
Love it! I’m staying turned to find out what Lexie does to retaliate!
The Most Beautiful Dog in the World hooray!
She has such an ego. She’s learning to pose, since I take her pic so often.
What a lovely looking dog (but I’m partial to shepherd-y looking woofers) and that ginger tabby: GORGEOUS. Plus, awwwwwwww……!
She is the loveliest. And her fur is a silky wonderland.
Patrick is a pretty cat, too, but hard to photograph unless he’s asleep. He regards the camera with the wariest of eyes.
On Tuesday night the dog was limping and favoring his front foot. On Wednesday morning he was favoring his back foot and didn’t want to get down off the bed and had to be carried down the stairs. This was alarming!
We went to the vet in the afternoon. He is a huge whiny baby at the vet so we had to do lots of calming baby-talk to distract him while she checked him out. She found that his hocks (back ankles) were swollen and warm so she took him for an x-ray. Turns out he has basically sprained both his ankles really badly 🙁 She said it’s usually caused by the dog getting caught like in a fence by their back feet, or being picked up by their back feet. We think in his case it must’ve just been his extreme lack of skills at playing fetch. He contorts in all kinds of wacky ways because he is so goofy and really not good at fetch.
Anyway, now he has sprained ankles, and is more or less on bed rest for 2-6 weeks, and can never play fetch again even when he gets better.
Poor buddy 🙁
Here he is in the backseat of the pickup, squishing his face between the front seats for some reason
He is a very silly dog.
That face! Poor boy!
That pic is hilarious. Sorry his fetching days are over. 🙁
oh, poor puppy. 🙁 but whaaaaaat a good face!! dogs fitting their heads into small spaces = the best thing.
Toasties, I have a flatmate who’s 18, comes from a rather conservative background and has generally been taught to be a good girl first and foremost. And as the devious feminist that I am, I’ve been slowly filling her head with all kinds of dangerous independent thoughts. So far – with eight weeks in – I’ve managed to teach her that she can say no and doesn’t have to explain anything further, and that if a guy says smile, she can tell him to eff off. I can’t wait for the moment when she’s ready to see the Toast.
ONE OF US
You’re doing satan’s work. Bless you.
You are doing the lord’s work (says one who is gently atheist). Blessings on you both.
wait are you rooming with Me from the Past
If yes, never fear, she’ll become pretty awesome relatively soon
I had a 21-year-old summer intern roomie, and she was from a relatively progressive background, but it was SO MUCH FUN to lead her to the feminist water, so to speak. She left me a thank-you note at the end of the summer that said “I feel like I had an internship in life.”
I think she might be 18 year old me. Wow. I think it’s great that you’re slowly filling her head with good things. It will sink in. It will!
How fantastic. When she’s ready, we’ll welcome her with open arms!
I wish I’d had an awesome flatmate like you when *I* was 18!
You are awesome, keep it up! However it pans out I think it is wonderful she is getting the chance.
Awww! She sounds like my college roommate! We took her to a porn/sex toy store for her 18th birthday and it was glorious. (I mean, I had never been in one either at that time, but I didn’t need anything explained to me 🙂 )
GUYS I want to plan some sort of DC Toastie meetup; who else is here with me in this humid and hardscrabble city?
Me too!!! I was sad to miss previous meet ups 🙂
WE ARE LEGION
Not really, but there are a bunch of us. There is a DC toast Gmail group: “The Toast DC”; I think you can add yourself to it without needing anyone’s permission.
pls add me!: I’ll bring pinot!
I’m in NOVA but I’d trek to DC for a Toastie meetup!
I’m in DC! Well not really, but close enough to get there easily.
yeah, I’m not actually in DC, either; I’m in Maryland. But I didn’t think any of you guys would want to truck out to the suburbs, so we should plan something in the city!
Hi! Me! I am here!
I’m with you!
(P.S. who else was kinda freaked out about the possible tornado the other day? I did not sign up for tornadoes in DC!)
Yes! Me too. I just moved here last month and would love to meet fellow Toasties.
Reston/Herndon here, but up for the trek to meet DC Toasties!
Me!
Although I did NOT sign up for humid like a dog’s mouth weather in mid October. That’s not right.
Me! (Do I need to start using an actual account for convenience of planning?)
Me too. Did we ever decide on this month’s book club book??
I’m in DC, too! And also on the gmail list, though life keeps interfering with me actually showing up to a meetup. Pesky life. But one of these days, I’ll be there!
I will take the MARC train down from Bmore! I actually did it for the Toast anniversary thing.
FRIDAY CAT THREAD
Today I introduce my theory that cats are made up.
my evidence:
no real animal could be this ridiculous.
I was kept awake all last night with coughing, because I have a cold. Every time I woke up coughing a Bonny came into bed, sat on my side or chest and purred at me until I fell back asleep. Good, sweet little thing.
Anne has just been the same, sleepy, greedy, fat little cat.
PartnerChouffe has bought us tickets to meet the One and Only LIL BUB next month and watch a festival of internet cat videos. God, I love that man.
I met Bub about a year and a half ago and she is AMAZING! Softest little space alien that looks like a cat ever.
I am living at my brother’s for a week while I’m between houses, which means spending a lot of time with this little booger:
His name is Rinzler, he’s about six months old, and his favourite things to do are rubbing his face on your face and attacking your feet in the middle of the night while you sleep the sleep of the unsuspecting. He is SO CUTE I might die.
Yes, 100% made up. Though not that entirely smug look on his face, that’s entirely real.
Look at that fluffy tail.
Cats are, in fact, a mass hallucination engineered by some kind of much uglier creature that lives in our houses and eats our food.
Maybe a fairy of some kind. It would explain the seeming ability to teleport.
I’ll test them tonight with cold iron, and we’ll see what they truly are. Wish me luck!
Do you mind if I ask where you got that cat tree? I’m always looking for the perfect one. My little monster needs one badly, but he’s kinda huge so I’m nervous he’d knock it over the first time he manages to clamber up to the top (he is not a graceful cat).
I don’t know what you mean, there is nothing ridiculous about this.
pretty sillies! silly pretties!
I am snorfeling
For Kitling, here is an old photo of my dust-bunny-kitty at his most dust-bunny-like, taken the day we caught the feral little brat
AAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *explodes*
I bought my kitty a tunnel that makes crinkly noises, and now she spends all of her time slowly marching in and out of it, much like eeyore putting his deflated balloon in and out of the empty honey pot.
Kima had no interest in sitting in this box that I left out for her. Also, I woke up hungover today to find her sitting in bed flicking her tail in my face. Delightful scamp.
One of my kitties got a little free with the kneading-me-with-claws thing the other day and caused me to yelp in pain. My other cat came barreling out of the bedroom and fully smacked him upside the head. I’m still pondering various interpretations of this act.
Coltrane dove headfirst into his box:
(Please note this is a Costco size cereal box, as he is a rather large cat)
This is…not a Costco size cereal box.
I can attest to the size of this cat 😀
I offer this photo as further evidence that cats are not real.
Could a real creature possibly be comfortable with this chin rest?
Bit late to the party but I thought you might appreciate this further piece of evidence that cats aren’t real:
I’m evangelical about the Serial podcast (www.serialpodcast.org). True crime! Long form style. I’m on episode 4 and crying out for more.
And I’ve been listening to You Must Remember This podcasts too (youmustrememberthispodcast.com). Historical celebrity gossip! The two-parter on Madonna made my first day back at the gym in months relatively pain free.
Any other podcasts I should know about? I have an Android phone, so no iTunes for me.
My sister is a big fan of Ear Biscuits, in which the world’s most harmless goobers interview Youtube stars, but that might not be your jam! Last week they talked to the guy that has the most subscribed Youtube channel ever and I found it really interesting, but YMMV.
HELLO PODCASTS:
Sawbones sounds like it would be great for you! Humorous medical history.
I like Friday Night Comedy (British political comedy which may not be your bag), The Bugle (same-ish warning, but with more John Oliver), No Such Thing as a Fish, which is fun trivia basically!
I have been LOVING Serial, but it’s also driving me crazy because every time an episode ends, I want the next one right away!
(Also, at this point, I think Jay did it.)
What is up with Jay’s story to the police? It makes zero sense and is so shady.
Yet, I have a feeling this whole story is going to have some twists and turns before we get to the last episode.
Right? Like, yeah, why the HELL would this guy ask you to help him dig a grave? WHY WOULD YOU DO IT??? And you wouldn’t go to the police because you deal pot? C’mon, guy.
I get not trusting the police, but here you are in front of the police anyway, dude!!! Way to go.
Seriously! He is so sketchy! His story is wildly inconsistent, and his justification makes no sense!
And even if what he was saying was absolutely 100% true… is it not weird as hell that he had the world’s most chill reaction to “my best friend just killed a girl for basically no reason”?!
I listen to the episodes with a coworker and email her throughout and today all my emails were: WTF JAY
YES. To both parts. I listened to the first 3 episodes in one go, and then half of the 4th. I’m going to re-listen to the whole 4th episode on Saturday. It’s reintroducing me to not binge-watching, which I’m finding increases my anticipation/enjoyment and also demands much less of my time!
Also, Jay. I’m not yet convinced of anything, but Jay gets abundant and enthusiastic side-eye.
I am so worried there will not be a conclusive ending.
Also, I live in Baltimore, which gives this all an extra-exciting edge. And I’m pretty sure I know a few of the places they’ve mentioned but not named (like a travel agency)
YES TEAM JAY DID IT!!
I am also obsessed with Serial. I love it PLUS I am a sucker for Maryland stories, and the original crime happened while I was also in high school.
OMG I’m super obsessed with Serial and no one I know IRL is listening. Sadness.
I think Jay was definitely acting shady as heck but I cannot think of a single concrete reason he would have to kill Hae. Like he was her ex-BF’s drug dealer and sort of acquaintance? Plus, for the timeline of the murder to fit she would have had to have encountered her murderer sometime between when she left the snack stand at school and before she got to her cousin’s school. To me, that suggests that she stopped her car to pick up the killer and I just don’t see her doing that for Jay, particularly on an afternoon where she was pressed for time and running between family and school obligations.
The Serial subreddit is actually entirely un-Reddity, so I’ve been getting my discussion fix there.
Just started listening to Criminal, which I’m enjoying so far and hopefully will scratch my true crime itch between episodes of Serial.
Well, I’ll be on this subreddit all day.
The map they made is so useful!
And the timeline!
The thing I realized when I saw the map with the HS and Leakin Park is how close the two are. The park is literally on the same street about a 10 minute drive away, which really makes not a ton of sense when you consider that, in the first or second episode, a number of people who went to the school at the time claimed not to know where it was, or said it was in the inner city. Even if it was a sketchy body dump park I find it utterly unbelievable that the kids would be like, “Nope, never heard of it!” It’s down the block, dudes.
I mean, maybe they were just being teenage dirtbags and they didn’t want to associate themselves with the park if it was basically where people would go to drink or do drugs or have secret teenage sex, but it’s weird.
The Criminal podcast has been filling in my itch while I wait for Serial to come out.
And @meetapossum, I think Jay did it too! Something is just off with his testimony.
Oh shoot! Me too. Criminal is really good!
I tried Here Be Monsters (like their crow episode), but I wasn’t a fan of all the random audio distortion. I get my random audio distortion from episodes of Radiolab, thankyouverymuch.
Read It and Weep. I discovered it through an old Toast post about hate-reading (or maybe it was Mallory’s post making fun of literary novels). It’s a panel show where the hosts read bad books and then discuss them.
Some interenet friends of mine started a podcast called Yes All Women. It’s about intersectional feminism. So check that out.
Are you sure it’s not called “Not All Women”? That came up in a search and it says it’s about intersectional feminism …
Oh man Serial is SO GOOD. I haven’t listened to the fourth one yet. I might download it now and listen on the way home from work. I’m so conflicted! I have so many feelings!
Ooh, my husband was JUST telling me about Serial last night! I will have to give it a listen.
Lately the only podcast I listen to is Kumail Nanjiani’s The X-Files Files. He is working his way through the entire series and every week he does a podcast episode where he and a guest talk about 2 episodes of the show.
Ooh, thank you! I really like Kumail Nanjiani (best part of the otherwise utterly dudebro-y Franklin & Bash) and I was wondering what he was up to now that he’s left the show.
I’ve heard good things about the X-Files Files and love Nanjiani in pretty much everything he does, but am waiting to do a re-watch of the X-Files before I get into these.
I loooove Kumail and the X-Files Files! Even his advertisements for Squarespace are great.
Serial is RIVETING. I almost wish I hadn’t discovered it until it was done some I can just binge-listen! Every time it ends I go “noooo what happens next?!”
I’ve also been listening to Chewing the Fat, Sawbones, Call Your Girlfriend, 99% Invisible, and Canadaland a lot lately.
And if anyone needs some cheering up, listen to the last ten minutes of this Radiolab episode. It is unbelievably charming, and involves alligators, a marching band, and a sewing machine: http://www.radiolab.org/story/happy-birthday-bobb…
YAY! none of my IRL friends listen to podcasts and they’re all sick of me telling them to download things. so confused about Jay, but pretty convinced it wasn’t Adnan.
I’ve been listening to Call Your Girlfriend, Strangers (Radiotopia), Love + Radio, of course Serial and This American Life. Occasionally also NPR Planet Money and the Nerdist podcast, when they interview people I like.
… I have a really long commute.
Toastfriends I have a miserable cold right now and am on my second dose of Alka-Seltzer today.
BUT I’m going to see The Book of Life today and I don’t have any pressing costume deadlines so I can just…maybe…dare I say it…RELAX this weekend??
Also! Those waiting on a Millionaire piece – it will be running elsewhere, but as soon as it’s up I’ll post it either in an Open Thread or on the Link Roundup!
I’ve been watching/reading only spooky things for most of the last 17 days as part of my personal Hallowe’en extension project and while I’m not scared while watching or reading anything and can laugh it off, I’ve been having the worst dreams.
Like the ones where you feel like you are awake and you look over across the room and there’s just a bloodied man standing in the doorway. This was not helped by the strange scrabbling coming from the landlord-padlocked crawlspace under the bedroom (I’m sure it’s mice, which I am not afraid of, and not, you know, crawlspace people).
I’ve been watching Carnivale and AHS. Anyone else want to join me in spooktober? Or suggest ways of cutting back on the dreams?
Would it help to keep the theme while throwing in something humorous like Sean of the Dead or Zombieland in the meantime? Still spooky, but with laughs!
Yeh, that might work. I think I’ve been going too heavy on the creeping dread sort of horror. Maybe I’ll watch Hocus Pocus too.
I’m now kicking my autocorrect for making Shaun into Sean.
Others that may be fun – any of the Tim Burton/Studio Laika stop motion movies? Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Coraline, Paranorman? The last one especially!
Unpopular opinion: I hate Nightmare Before Christmas, and as a result, refused to watch any of the other stopmotion cartoons that looked similar. Coraline did intrigue me but I haven’t broken through my dislike yet.
If you’re looking for more light-hearted horror, have you watched Gravity Falls? It’s a “kids’ show” I guess but one of the recent episodes included the following themes: human-scale animatronics, dating sim horror, and Japanese horror. In other words, the perfect storm of my own personal nightmare fuel.
But, you know, kids’ show, so by the end I was cracking up.
Gravity Falls is SO GOOD. There is also an episode with murderous wax figurines.
Sounds like something I’d like! A bit like Eerie Indiana (anyone remember that? Supposedly a kids equivalent to Twin Peaks) or Round the Twist (an Aussie show set at a haunted lighthouse).
I have the Eerie box set! it still holds up for me.
Totally understandable! I tend to prefer the Laika ones to the Burton ones, personally – a lot more character and less “this girl is here purely for decoration.” If the movie isn’t necessarily for you, the Coraline novel is a quick read but just as spooky, if not moreso!
I am ambivalent about Nightmare Before Christmas (we can be heretics together!) but I really liked Coraline.
I HATED Nightmare Before Christmas, too. Can’t explain why…it just felt like it was trying too hard, plus it was boring as hell.
good scary movies:
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (really)
You’re Next
Killer Clowns From Outer Space
The Others
The Orphanage
You’re Next was really well done.
I dunno if I can try TCM2, the first is so silly, and not in a good way.
Killer Clowns???
The Others is great and so is The Orphanage
Some on my list:
The Innkeepers (slow is good imo)
Stoker
Don’t Look Now
Ringu
The Cabinet of Dr Caligari
I’m a bit too scared to watch Eyes Without a Face but I might do that one day.
I love the Orphanage! I did not love the Innkeepers, it was a little too much “slow” and not enough “literally anything else” for me (though the Lena Dunham cameo is delightfully weird), but I did really like the director’s other movie, House of the Devil. Similar slow build but also fake-80s and I felt like the payoff was better.
I was in middle school when The Ring came out and my idiot friends and I watched both that and Ringu in one weekend and I didn’t sleep for like a month.
Stoker was so so good (reminded me a bit of Hitchcock’s Shadow of a Doubt because of the super creepy family dynamics and Dark!Secrets!). It took me ages to watch it though because I kept forgetting that it wasn’t Dracula-related and I was like, “Why did I put this vampire nonsense in my Netflix queue?”
Ginger Snaps
Teeth
Seance on a Wet Afternoon
The Haunting (1967 version)
I LOVE You’re Next. Every time I watch a horror movie now where the main characters are doing something done, I wish the woman from You’re Next was part of the ensemble and could show them what’s up.
I looooooooooove AHS but I cannot help you with the dream problem because I have horrifying nightmares every time I watch an episode, without fail.
WORTH IT
AHS is great, but freakshow is really suffering by comparison to Carnivale. I think I should have waited until this season was over before starting the older show.
I haven’t started this season of AHS yet, but I lovelovelove Carnivale. The mythology is mind bendingly rich and complicated! The pitch document (easily Googleable) made my eyes cross but helped so much in sorting everything out. Major spoilers in it, though, so don’t read it unless you’ve finished watching the whole thing. How far are you into the series?
Just on episode 8 of season 1 (Which I might watch in a bit. Underemployment! Woo!) I’m just letting the mystery sink around me like a fancy mudbath at a spa.
Ahhh enjoy!!!
mmmmm Carnivale. Why is there not more media about dustbowl carnies, I feel like this is perfect Americana?
The Dustbowl is such an underused era of American history in storytelling in general. I can’t think of any other TV shows set in that time period off the top of my head.
My little brother dressed as Ben for an elementary school “dress like a past era” day. He claimed he was dressed as a dustbowl farmer, but we totally based it on Ben to the point where beforehand we went outside and he rolled around in the dirt while I threw more dirt at him.
And why couldn’t they have filmed more of the show on sets, like normal people, instead of being so insistent about every episode being filmed in the actual middle-of-nowhere places they were set in (which is cool and all, but very expensive, which is a huge part of how they ran out of money and had to stop making the show, and apparently I still have a lot of feelings about this).
Spooktober! I’m nervous about watching horror movies now that I’m living alone (I know I get jumpy as hell) so instead I’m rereading all my favorite kids’ horror books. John Bellairs, Series of Unfortunate Events, The Graveyard Book… I’ve also got the second season of Hannibal from the library, sitting around waiting for me to finish it. And I really want to watch this season of AHS, but again, jumpy.
Ahhh, John Bellairs is my favorite and I feel like so few people know about him! Which of his books do you like best?
Mrs. Zimmerman is great, but I am a Johnny & Prof. Childermass girl all the way. (I just re-read The Chessmen of Doom and I swear I could quote whole passages from memory.) I had forgotten how outrageously 50s they are, though – Johnny’s best friend calls him “John baby” all the time! <3 <3 <3
I am also doing Spooktober but with books! Not necessarily horror, just creepy disturbing books and such…I just finished We Need to Talk About Kevin and the Women Destroy Horror! issue of Nightmare Magazine. And next, I’m going to read Gaudy Night (I hope it’s appropriately creepy) and The Little Stranger.
I just remembered I have to read a gothic novel for this feminist book club I belong to. Hmmm. Going to look up Gaudy Night. I wasn’t a huge fan of The Little Stranger. Felt rather too well put together for my taste.
I’ve got House of Psychotic Women on my to-read list but I’m thinking I should bump it up. It’s been a while since I’ve read any feminist horror theory.
I don’t think Gaudy Night is creepy? Just murder mystery-y. Though my memory of its preciousness might be overwhelming any other impressions. I just read the Little Stranger and it was very creepy and effective, although also infuriating (purposefully). Now I’m reading the Quick, which is about Victorian vampires, I guess (somehow I didn’t grasp this beforehand). Good so far.
I don’t do well with scary movies generally, but I will be watching the Millenium episode The Curse of Frank Black for Halloween, since I do it ever year. It is the perfect Halloween episode: not scary, just very creepy and weird and melancholy.
Ahhh, I just saw The Babadook which is amazing and creepy in that way where I found myself making TENSE FISTS through the whole thing. It was written and directed by a lady (who also directed Babe: Pig in the City WHAT), which is always a point in favor.
CHICAGO TOASTIES ASSEMBLE. I know y’all exist… we should hang out or something!! Book club? Happy hour club? Passive aggressive brunch club?
INTO IT. I’ve been thinking that doing a trivia meet-up would be fun, because it combines my love of low-stakes competition, showing off, and drinking.
Where do you like to go for trivia? I’ve hopped around the city but haven’t found one that I love yet
I’ve been literally nowhere in Chicago for trivia (I just got here! Don’t look at me like that!) so I’m not going to be “helpful,” or at least not “informed,” in making this dream a reality.
I will fly 3 hours to Chicago for a passive aggressive brunch club.
HELL YEAH, I’m in (schedule permitting)! I also would be down for trivia or something similar?
Count me in. I suck at trivia but I am excellent at being passive-aggressive.
YES! I am down for meeting up.
Someone (I forget who, eep) has been organizing one for Nov. 1 at Rogers Park Social Club for a few weeks now.
Soup party?
Ain’t no party like a soup party, ’cause a soup party is fluid! (That sounds immensely fun.)
I am not in Chicago, but now I really want to be part of a passive aggressive brunch club. That sounds really excellent.
I don’t live in Chicago either, but I will be there next weekend! (5th-9th). I would be interested in meetings toasties and definitely in a passive aggressive brunch club.
other chicago toasties…i’m crashing this thread because 1) hi!! i’m so excited you’re all here and 2) all of this events sound fun…
I’m going to see Under the Skin is about two hours and I’m really excited, partially because I’m really curious about the movie and partially because going to the cinema by myself feels really indulgent and sophisticated somehow. I think I’ll even treat myself to a beer! Anyone else here like going to the movies by yourself, especially weird internal ones after which you might just want to spend some time with your own thoughts?
LOVE going to the movies by myself.
After doing some time as a movie critic for a dingy newspaper, I looove going to the movies alone. I once went to see “Rise of the Guardians” by myself, and the best part was the theater was COMPLETELY empty so it was like being one of those rich people who have full-size home theaters. I laughed and ‘awww’d without shame and ate an entire bag of popcorn without having to share.
It’s still one of my fondest memories. Little things, you know.
I went to see Girlhood at the London Film Festival last night by myself and then I knew the lady sitting behind me, and the lady sitting in front of me! But that was obviously also nice. But yes, I love going to the cinema by myself.
I love doing things like that, but alas, I hardly ever get to anymore. I think my favorite experience with that was the first time I saw the stage production of The Diary of Anne Frank. The walk home in particular was great for me – solitude, contemplation, and let’s be honest, a little quiet crying. But that was my gateway drug to Alone Adventures. Highly endorse them always.
Hope you enjoy Under the Skin! My wife and I really liked it, but probably 1/3 of our showing walked out (one with a guy loudly proclaiming “This SUCKS!’ as he left).
I loved it too. It is weird and unsettling and scary and the soundtrack is A+++++.
Is it anything like the book? I love the book and I love Michel Faber so I’ve been hesitant about seeing the movie adaptation…
The film doesn’t give nearly as much background information as the book. It’s just Isserley (and some dude who might be her boss), no farm, no visitors from the home planet, etc. Some people theorize that she’s not Isserley but whoever replaced Isserley after the car accident at the end of the book, which would explain why it doesn’t follow the novel’s storyline. I loved the movie, but my husband’s reaction was “meh.”
that is fascinating that people, especially men, were walking out at your theater.
No one walked out at mine, but I live in an ridiculously progressive, hip, non-diverse area. So I didn’t realize it was (ahem) getting under anyone’s skin like that. And am sort of gleeful that it is!
It was probably the best film I’ve seen in the last 10 years.
I live in Seattle! So you would think pretty hip and progressive. However I do think several of the walk outs were only there either because whatever popular movie was out at the time was sold out, or because they heard Scarlett Johannson got naked.
LOVE it. I will actively choose to go alone and not with anyone else. My ex never used to want to go to the movies and also slept way later than me on a Sunday so I used to get up and go to the 10am-ish showing of whatever was on down the road, and really got the taste for it. Even better now all the cinemas do coffee you can take in.
love love love going to the movies by myself.
i like doing a whole thing of it where i essentially take myself out on a date. i get myself a good movie snack and then after the movie i go to a nice cafe and just sit by myself for a while i think the movie over.
I go alone all the time and have come to prefer it as long as there’s a quorum of other folk there – the worst is when there’s only one other person there and it’s a guy.
I have never gone to a movie by myself but it is on my To Do List because — why not?
Love going to the movies alone! And drinking beer at them! And beer in general!
Are you me?
I love going to the movies alone, too! Sometimes I feel a little weird if everyone else is in couples, but it always stops being weird once the movie starts. I usually just bring something to read beforehand and it works out.
See, all these types of replies are just convincing me more that Toasties are My People. So many lone cinema-goers! So, reporting back, I sat in the very front row in the middle (it was in a small room and there were maybe 12 people), with a glass of wine, so that was awesome. Less awesome: the two talkers behind me. I had some killallmen moments.
As for the movie, I have … thoughts. It was mesmerizing and it’s amazing how Scarlett Johansen can make her face be a perfect canvas to project all kinds of things on, but the ending left me rather conflicted. Still. Fascinating stuff – that you shouldn’t talk through!
I love going to the cinema by myself! Last summer I went to see Much Ado About Nothing by myself, as a nice independent cinema where they let you take alcohol into the film. I had a gin and tonic in one hand and a box of popcorn in the other, and enjoyed myself immensely.
I was inspired by this whole thread to see Gone Girl alone today and it was so fun! I had to clothes shoppinb but i ignored that and kind of played hooky from my life for a few hours. So thanks ☺
i’M IIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
I have a horrid cold and it’s keeping me awake and all my facial orifices are oozing some kind of goooooooooo
Much sympathy! I’m only just recovering from one too. Boo to colds! BOOOOOOOO.
So hey, Toasties! I’m having a shit month. Insurance refuses to pay for the regular blood tests requested by my naturopath to monitor my thyroid and hormone levels, even though my PCP signed off on them, and I just got a rejection letter from the Mayo clinic. My symptoms are getting worse, to the point where my nails are starting to get weak and full of ridges, and now I’m just waiting for my hair to start falling out again so I can be back to where I was when I started dealing with all this shit in 1999. I’ve spent the past fifteen years fighting for my health and being aggressive with treatments and not taking No from apathetic doctors and doing all my own research and so very little of it actually helps and I’m Just. So. Tired. So tired of being thwarted at every turn.
Also, I am allergic to mushrooms but I want some of that soup SO BAD.
Oh my God, CleverManka, as someone else with a fucked up endocrine system (and who is currently cutting bullshit pills into eighths to try to titrate a dose and waiting to see what the fuck this does to me, this time), I am so…man. I’m sorry, obviously, but also I would like to offer to punch your insurance company in the face, but also to just, idk, give you a break somehow. A hug and a break.
I’m so sorry and so infuriated on your behalf. Yet another reason why for-profit health care is bullshit — it won’t even let you take care of yourself!
I was just saying yesterday, “Why do I get the distinct impression I am being punished for trying to take care of myself?” SO FRUSTRATING
“Yes, you’re sick, so we’re going to make it AS DIFFICULT AS POSSIBLE for you to get care.”
I’m petting your hair gently and telling it to stay put and telling you that you’re a sweet dear soul who is really good at fighting, and calling in for non-allergenic soup.
Insurance fights and medical bullshit are the most albatross-y of albatrosses, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with them. Appeal, appeal, appeal. And eat soup.
I want so much better for you. I am sorry you are struggling. You deserve so much better. ::virtual hugs::
Standing by you in spirit, let’s kill this system with fire.
The only things I can offer you are support and the Black Bean and Pumpkin soup recipe I posted upthread. I am so sorry your insurance company are being such dicks, on top of everything else you’re going through. Virtual hugs.
Oh, that sounds like a nightmare, I’m so sorry. I’m here to join the army to offer hugs and/or insurance face punches.
Aw, Jeez…hugs from up North. Wanna move to Canada and try our form of “hurry up and wait but don’t complain because FREE-ish” medicare?
Also punching your insurance company in the face and robbing the CEO for you, to boot.
I am so sorry to hear that – it’s awful that you need to expend so much strength on dealing with a terrible health care system when you’re already dealing with the challenges of being sick. Boo to them all, and I hope things get better for you.
Dude, that is terrible, I’m so sorry. I have nothing to offer except more internet hugs:
I’m so sorry. I’m having fantasies of blowing away all my doctors up here in Canada (where you also need to be proactive about your care but lack of accountability on their part makes it as effective as hammering on an eraser, and then they get all butthurt because it’s “free” and what are you complaining about) because they’re also being vague and noncommittal and dismissive about my endocrine problem, but it’s true that it sucks in a different-yet-even-more-obviously-bad way in the U.S. (I’m American, so….). May the bullshit stop and may you get the good medical treatment you need and deserve!
I have nothing useful to say other than sympathy and have a cute foal picture.
Sorry you’re faced with such an uphill struggle when you should be getting support to make the going easier! That’s just lousy all around. Wishing you an oasis of healing potential, because that’s how we do it here in Northern California, but I also hope you get some advocacy and assistance ASAP. Health is the ugh-est.
I’m so sorry. As a member of the autoimmune thyroid disorder club (Hashimoto’s hollaaaaa) I really empathize with that feeling, the one where you’ve been trying so hard to take care of yourself and you feel like your body is coming apart at the seams and the whole medical monolith looks at you and shrugs, or just looks through you.
Well, I see you, and your weak nails and your falling-out hair and your fatigue and probably also fogginess of mind and dull headaches and the probability that you can’t take Sudafed when you need a decongestant, amirite? And I’m sorry about the so-called healthcare. I hope something comes through for you soon, either hormonally or paperworkally.
I had a genius idea this morning and now I need to make it: Pumpkin Applesauce. I have no idea if it has been made before. I didn’t even look.
Also making Pumpkin cinnamon bread and oatmeal cookies ( no pumpkin involved)
It’s cold outside, so baking is indicated
Pumpkin Applesauce
Well I know what slow-cooker experiment I’m trying this weekend.
Do it with persimmons.
I just gasped with the thrill of how gooooooood, that sounds!
OH MY GOD I LOVE PERSIMMONS THANK YOU FOR THIS.
Excellent idea!
That… that sounds like the mother of a Puritan beer recipe I’ve been reading about. Interesting.
Do any of y’all listen to Stephen Kellogg [and the Sixers]? Unnoticed to me, a month ago he released not one but, like, TWENTY-THREE live albums – one from every place on his 2012 tour, I think. And I was at one of the shows! Carrboro! I love live albums, and I love live shows, and I love Stephen Kellogg live shows so very very much, and so I’m delighted today.
I saw them at a festival some years ago! I don’t follow them at all, but they put on a great show. 🙂
haha SK and the Sixers! I didn’t know they were still together! They used to play at Smith College all the time when I was there and I was total fangirl and got them to sign my old english textbook and said lots of deeply awkward things to them. Awwwww, memories…
Let’s have a good old-fashioned Embarrassing Stories thread.
I’ll start. When I was 13, the internet was a different place, and I stumbled across a fun, welcoming message board for women in the 20s and 30s. I wanted to participate, so I MADE UP an entirely new online persona that was a total wish-fulfillment fantasy (I was a 25-year-old 5’11” flame-haired ivory-skinned beauty who lived in rural Michigan and had an amazing job diving for ship artifacts and was engaged to a Russian hockey player). Everyone totally believed me and I still to this day feel bad for deceiving like 30 other women. I’m sorry.
Once in high school I cried during a chemistry test because it was just TOO HARD and I couldn’t do it and the guy who had the locker next to mine made fun of me for not being able to tell what a solution was.
Oh my god, I did the chatroom deception too! Except mine was that I had seen You’ve Got Mail and was convinced I would meet my TRUE LOVE on AOL, so at like, age 12 I started going into singles chatrooms. I was savvy enough to know an 12-year-old should not be there, but naive enough to not really get why. So I pretended I was blonde and skinny and 16, but then answered questions like “what are you wearing?” with “a pink and grey stripped flannel bathrobe from Kids R’ Us”
I was savvy enough to know an 12-year-old should not be there, but naive enough to not really get why.
I did that too around age 10, except for me it was Yahoo chatrooms. Nothing particularly unpleasant happened, but my sophisticated college student (lolololol) facade crumbled when the guy asked me how many credits I had accumulated so far that year and I said 2.
A good friend of mine had access to an early internet chat room – it was the late 80s/early 90s so it must have been something ancient like Compuserve – so of course I went on and started talking to guys.
I made up a whole persona with a different age and name and life details, but I must have been inconsistent somewhere because one guy got all mad at me. He accused me of prevarication and told me I should be ashamed of myself because this was an internet chat room and thus SERIOUS BUSINESS.
I was pissed at him for being such a doink, but not really embarrassed. If you can’t make up stuff in an internet chat room, where the hell can you make up stuff?
In seventh grade I had a crush on a really geeky guy and at a dance I asked him to slow dance but then ran away because I got scared and he never talked to me again and I regret that constantly.
I’M SORRY AARON I WAS A TERRIBLE SEVENTH GRADER OKAY
Once I was going on to a friend of mine about the importance of elegance and grace. I walked straight into one of those big green wheelie bins and nearly fell in.
Also, I once had my period through my skirt onto the grey plastic school chair.
I fell asleep on a train in Italy once on holiday and got my period whilst asleep and it seeped through to my entire butt (linen trousers) and when disembarking, an Italian lady ran up to me to whisper what had happened to me, and I had no idea what she was saying. I tried to look at my bum, which is obviously what she was talking about, but couldn’t see anything from that angle. She tried repeating it louder and louder to try to make me understand and basically it ended with her shrieking YOU HAVE WOMB BLOOD ALL OVER YOU in the middle of Venice train station.
WOMB BLOOD
I once started my period unexpectedly, shortly after sitting down to write a 3-hour exam, while wearing pants I had borrowed from a friend, and did not realize this until the end of the exam.
My first period happened while I was wearing white pants. I had no idea it was happening. For HOURS.
Fill in any associated blanks, I don’t wear white pants anymore ever even though this was now over 20 years ago and I haven’t gotten a period since 2009
That’s how I got my first period. It was during a geography quiz and my (30ish year old male) teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom in case it was actually a grand cheating scheme. I didn’t push the issue because I thought it was just a bad stomachache until the end of class when I saw the stain.
Once I was hardcore making out with A Fella, the kind where you like, crawl into their lap and stay there until your legs are all wobbly and your lips are sore, and I was on my period & wearing a skirt & i didn’t realize that i had bled through my tampon until he stood up to walk me to my car and i noticed the small stain on his white pants.
I did not say anything and we continued to date for like, two months after and we never ever talked about it.
OH GOD i did this to a guy except he was *ahem* fingering me when my period started and I locked myself in the bathroom until he went away and dumped him by text.
Give me a break, though, I was 15.
Sleeping over at sexyman’s house. Waking up with his sheets covered in blood. Wanting to DIE. Start to cry. Expected to be thrown out on the street….. He comforted me and was not even mad (bless his little socks). Still felt guilty enough to buy him a whole new sheet.
When the revolution comes, he shall be spared.
The wheelie bin story is GOLD. 🙂
Went to a club one time and had to go to the toilet, so I walked up the steps to where I remembered the toilets were, and there was this person coming towards me who wouldn’t get out of my way – you know, every time I stepped to one side, they’d go that way, too. It took a few rounds of this silly dance before I finally looked up and realised I had walked up to a mirror.
Hadn’t had a thing to drink, either. You’d think the fact that she was wearing exactly the same shoes and pants as I was would have been a giveaway, but no.
Ooo! I love this idea!
I live near my workplace, and one afternoon I went home for lunch and had some pulled pork and washed up and headed back, where I proceeded to have 4 meetings in various places around campus. I met with our Marketing Director and she kept looking at me funny while we were talking, and I was all “What IS her deal?!”
Well then of course I get into my car at the end of the day, and I pull down the visor mirror and I HAD BARBEQUE SAUCE ALL OVER MY FACE. It looked like a joker smile of sauce. I looked like a blind 3-year-old fed me my lunch. I was MORTIFIED. I saw and spoke to no less than 20 people all day and no one said anything.
Ughhhh. So incredibly embarrassing!
I can’t believe she didn’t say anything! What is wrong with people!
Right?! And now every time I see her I’m simultaneously enraged and embarrassed all over again.
a joker smile of sauce
We have a winner! JOKER MILE OF SAUCE!
OH BOY
When I was a sophomore in high school, a few things were true:
1. I was in the upperclassman chamber choir and usually this choir won statewide competitions. It was High Stakes, let me tell you.
2. I was seriously the most awkward 15-year-old that has ever awkwarded
3. I had waist-length burgundy (!!) hair.
This all relates because! The morning of my first big, important chamber choir competition, I woke up with a MASSIVE zit dead center on my forehead and because I hadn’t had any coffee and it was 5am, I opted out of concealer and decided to cut bangs to cover it up, instead. Did I ask my mother for help? Of course not. How bad were the bangs, you ask? So bad, in fact, that in my sleep-added mind it seemed like shaving my hairline back would be the most subtle thing I could possibly do.
After the initial crying subsided, my mother came in and force-styled the new layer of bangs she cut for me into this solid mass of gel and hairspray to cover up the shaved piece of my scalp and the zit. It took a solid two years for the under-bang-shaved place to blend back in to the rest of my hair oh god it was awful
Omigod, I did this as well. Aged about 12. “Bangs! Yes!” *cuts bangs* “Oh, I don’t like them. I’ll just cut them off!” *snip snip* … “Oh.”
Lesson learned 100% the hard way. Don’t cut your own bangs. And if you do, DON’T CUT THEM OFF AFTERWARDS AAARGH WHAT WAS I THINKING.
I have cut my own bangs so many times and continue to not learn from my mistakes. I also did the “wake up, decide impulsively to cut bangs, bangs are awful” act. It’s rough. But damn, waist length burgundy hair!! That must have been so striking.
That’s the most diplomatic thing anyone’s ever said to me about my hair at age 15. It was striking, yes. 🙂
It’s still waist-length, but a generally unobtrusive shade of mouse.
Are you Emily of New Moon?
It’s possible. Always self-identified more as Anne Shirley, but could be persuaded otherwise.
I got a comb stuck in my hair and it had to be cut out. I was in the shower, washing my hair and idly twirling a comb in it. It got stuck. I managed to rip it out and was deeply relieved. AND THEN I DID IT AGAIN. After failing to get it out, I went to my mother, who was unable to get it out. Then my dad got a hacksaw and cut bits off the comb, but most of it was still stuck in my hair. I ended up having to walk up the road to my hairdresser’s house, wearing a hooded sweatshirt so nobody could see the comb, and get her to cut it out. I ended up with a fringe.
Ohhhhhhh.
Sent from my iPad
I DID THAT TOO except my deception was just that I was in college and not very exciting otherwise. Wow, this actually makes me feel so much better to know I wasn’t the only middle school dweeb who catfished (with good intentions) before catfishing was a thing.
Haha oh my god, wheeeeere do I begin. In high school I had a brief Thing with a dude (let’s call him Joe) but I didn’t really like him, and when he texted me to say that we should meet up, I texted my best friend to say “Joe asked me out again, help, how do I reject him”
Except I sent it to Joe accidentally.
On the one hand, I still feel like I am drowning in rivers of shame when I think about this. On the other hand, it *did* get rid of him fairly effectively.
Oh geez, the first time I got asked out in HS the dude was too chicken to talk to my face so he had a friend of mine ask me, “do you like Dan? He wants to go out with you.” Now, Dan was a cool and attractive guy and I was immensely pleased that he would take interest in a weird nerd like me, so I said yes right away. The next day I run into my friend with… a different Dan. Same first name, total dweeb. I had to explain to both of them that I thought she meant the other guy, at which point she laughed in my face that I would ever think that a cool kid would ask me out.
God, I forgot about that for years. Adolescence sucks so much.
Oh god, poor you! Poor Dan!
Adolescence is indeed the worst. For me, it was also the time of thinking that a) blue-green eyeshadow was a great everyday look, b) I should definitely use a home-dye kit to dye my (long, thick, curly, unmanageable at the best of times) hair pitch-black, and c) no one would really notice the chunk of hair that had escaped being dyed properly and just sat there, skunk-tail-esque, in the middle of my head.
For a full year I wore bright metallic green eyeshadow and tons of black kohl eyeliner. I was HOT, I though. Occasionally I alternated with gunmetal gray/sparkles shadow. And accessorized with burgundy sparkly lipstick.
My Grade 10 class photo is a hoot.
Well.
Junior year of college, I had a dorm on campus, but I didn’t really live there. I lived with my boyfriend off campus in a group house, but I didn’t want to be on the lease since I was studying “abroad” (…one state over…) the next semester. So I had a dorm for that semester, and it’s where I kept my extra books and hung out if I was on campus occasionally and showered, but really, I was never there. So I had this roommate, who I hadn’t met before, and who almost never saw me because I was always off campus.
One weekend day I was hanging out in said room waiting for boyfriend to get off work. She was in the room for a minute and said that she had off campus friends visiting and would be out for at least 4 or 5 hours. This was great news, because back in those days, I waxed myself and I was LONG overdue, because I didn’t have a private bathroom and didn’t want to use my boyfriends and needed at least an hour and 15 minutes for sufficient wax-warming / waxing time. So knowing that my roommate would be gone for at least 4 hours was perfect. You can see where this is going.
She left and I plugged in my little wax warmer, which took nearly an hour to warm up appropriately. This, I thought, was perfect, since if she was gone for an hour, I could be reasonably sure that she wouldn’t be coming back because she forgot her keys or anything.
So an hour goes by. I lock the door, put some newspaper on the floor, and, well, begin waxing my private bits. Now, I can do this in about 10-15 minutes. It is not a lengthy process. But, wouldn’t you know it, during this most inopportune of 15 minute windows, I HEAR THE DOOR UNLOCKING and in comes my roommate with two of her friends who I’ve never met. I scrambled and pulled my pants on and practically punted the waxing pot and newspapers under my bed, and expected that they would realize what was going on and leave… but they didn’t leave. They came in. She introduced me. I was probably covered in wax. They extended their hands for a handshake. I thought I was going to die.
I’m pretty sure I never did finish that wax, either.
The good thing about this story is practically nothing has embarrassed me since.
I once had a roommate walk into our dorm with a boy she was bringing home while I was standing in front of my mirror shirtless and bra-less, cutting my hair (what? I didn’t want to get hairs on my clothes). She did not spend much time in the room after that.
Went to the most important job interview of my life at the time. Schmoozed it up.
Got home, realized my pants had split down the back.
When I was about 14, I went to a water park with my family. I was wearing a hand-me-down swimsuit, and it was slightly larger than I needed. The top was wrap style, so essentially the fabric opened all the way to the waist. I went down one large very fast water slide, and as I’m getting out of the pool, at the top of the ladder, I look down and see the force of the water had completely opened up my suit. Both boobs in full view. I jumped back in the pool and pulled it up, but it was a little late at that point, as I’d flashed at least 30 people including the cute lifeguard sitting right above me.
I am so, so fortunate to have very few regrets, but this one time, in church music camp… My summer camp BFF Brittany and I had a crush on this super hot guy Matt, who was 15-16ish to our 13ish and therefore had no interest in us. But I’m sure he and his friends were amused by the attention, because at one point we all started chasing each other around the church (it wasn’t even a megachurch, but it was a Southern Baptist church in the Atlanta suburbs, so it was big enough to have, like, a giant gym and an elevator and 3+ stories and an annex wing).
One moment that stands out as clearly as if it were yesterday is that, during one of these chases, I ended up in the elevator and frantically jamming the “close doors” button to escape. He got to the doors JUST as they were closing, propped them back open, and LEANED diagonally across them (very seductively, to a 13 year old with an overactive imagination that had just begun to discover N*SYNC fanfic) and said “So. Now what?” Reader, I bolted.
Years later, I was at my mom’s house, watching her bichon frise puppy chase squirrels in the backyard. He finally cornered one, but had NO idea what to do with it, so he just stood there while the squirrel figured it out and inched away. In that moment I understood both dog and squirrel very deeply. That moment in the elevator still haunts my dreams occasionally.
That last paragraph, I laughed so hard I cried.
Once in high school I copied a chemistry test, word for word, off the girl next to me. I somehow ended up with a score that was 10 percentage points higher than hers.
Do you think they thought the girl had copied you?
Maybe, but in that case she would have gotten a straight-up 0. I remember that girl was terrible at spelling and usually lost a lot of marks over that, but the test was mostly formulas, so that doesn’t really fit either. It is an enduring mystery!
When I was 13, I regularly got into angry debates with bigots in the I Can Has Cheezburger comments. Every time, I used the email “[email protected]” to verify my comment. Why those comments and that email, I don’t know. I’m sorry, Bob.
I am pretty sure that if Anne of Green Gables created an internet persona, that would fit the description.
AH I am a 25-yr-old 5’11 pale redhead. Maybe I need to move to Michigan.
Me too! Tall pale redheads unite! In Michigan, I guess. I would think PEI would be a more appropriate choice TBH though.
I found out yesterday that the current occupant of my womb is female! MATRIARCHYYY. This is all new to me – my husband and I both come from families with boy-girl siblings, and we will have 2 daughters. Tell me your stories of sisters, Toasties.
My sister is THE BEST EVER. She is 14 months younger than me and though we had some major love-hate moments as kids, she is my best friend and closest ally and I can’t imagine not having her around. I hope that your daughters will be the best sisters since us.
This is me too, although my sister and I are 4 years apart. She is wonderful and a huge ally, especially given that she’s a veteran of the same family wars as I am.
Congratulations!!
My sister and I are not particularly close, but I think my daughters will be. It’s kind of awesome.
Congrats on the extra girl in your life! I raised brothers which was way cooler than I’d ever have expected, but all my sibs have girls, and it’s a grand thing to watch sisters grow together.
My own sis is 14 months younger than me, so at various points we were inseparable and the bitterest of enemies, but mostly the former. And we’re still super close today – adulthood has meant an enduring friendship that is a touchstone for us both.
Get as many pics of them in matching outfits as you can before the older one rebels. Someday they’ll be glad to have them, and meanwhile, you will.
I really hope for that enduring friendship for my kids! Do you find your sons are close?
They are, but they’re over 4 years apart, so it’s not the same kind of thing. Over the years they’ve been in & out of each other’s orbit – 7 & 11 isn’t so far apart, but 11 & 15 sure is, etc. The oldest is in his first year of college & 1500 miles from home now, so that’s the start of a whole new definition of their brotherly relationship. By the time he finishes undergrad, the other will be starting, and all in all we will likely end up 4 years from now with the two of them living in entirely different parts of the world from each other & from spouse & I. So I don’t know what the more adult kind of brotherly love with look like for them – getting along when they’re both home with us, texting occasionally, or going out of their ways to hang out?
Thanksgiving will be interesting – first time the older one is home in a few months, and he’ll be reconnecting with his hometown friends. But now that the younger is in high school, many of HIS friends are his brother’s hometown friends, or at least in the same circles. It started to happen some over the summer, when younger started marching band (full of older’s friends / friends of friends), and the brothers found themselves in the same social circle for the first time. I’m hoping for more of that, and that it’s fun for them both.
My sister and I are two years apart. We were latchkey kids and raised ourselves, basically. Now she is a VP at a huge Fortune 500 Company and I’m so proud of her!
We can almost read each other’s minds. Many times I’ll send her an article that she has sent me at the same time.
Sisters – they are either wonderful or awful.
I have a sister and two brothers (my parents had 4 kids in 4 years, and I’m the oldest, then sister, etc.), and my sister is the best. Having a sister is the best. We fought some when we were little, but we were friends throughout high school and now it is awesome. Shopping with sister! She is in town today and stole my daughter from daycare and is spending the whole day playing with her. Yea sisters!
My sister is 28 months younger than me and I would do anything in the world for her (like 3 hour layovers at LAX -both ways- at Thanksgiving >:). She is currently a Marine in Afghanistan and she comes home in less than a month, we hope, and I am on pins and needles.
My brother is a Marine, too! He was deployed in Afghanistan until earlier this year – have we talked about this? I feel like I’ve talked about this with a Toastie. Anyway, lots of hugs to you and your family while you await the homecoming.
Yes, I think we have! About being the sibling of someone in the military? I posted about it right before she deployed. Thanks 🙂
You’ll want to look into good parenting techniques for the odd-child-out situation that is inevitable with 3 kids. I had to wander around alone when my family of origin paired off, parents together, my 2 siblings together. That’s not bad if it is only once in a while. It teaches kids to enjoy their own company. But every time, for years and years? That was not a healthy childhood. You will help your girls to learn this awareness. You will jump in and offer to be the play partner for whichever daughter is left out of the pairing that day. Your girls are lucky to have such a great mom.
My sister and I are 3 years apart and she’s the best in the world. A+ experience, would recommend.
My sister is five years older than I am (there is a brother between us), which was/is a wonderful thing! It’s excellent having an older sibling to help you through the junk life throws at you that she’s already dealt with. The brother buffer is fun because we can annoy him and we outnumber him, so all around good fun is had by the two (three?) of us.
Also great: about a year ago I noticed that many of the best/funniest links she was tweeting at me were all from the same website. So I figured, hey I’ll just visit that place on my own from now on (yes this is The Toast I am talking about).
Sisters are great! I love my brothers, but my sister and I are particularly close and talk alllll the time. I am travelling for work right now in her city and we have been hanging out as much as possible and it’s been great because she’s great. We didn’t always get along as kids, but even then I was usually happy to have her around. We’re 3.5 years apart, exactly (ok, we’re 6 days off that, but pretty close)
Awww you all are making me wish I had a sister. 🙁 (I have a stepsister and two sisters-in-law, but they all live a zillion miles away and I didn’t grow up with any of them and it just isn’t the same.)
My sisters are amazing. We have always gotten along, which I’m told is rare. And we are ridiculous with each other. As children we played elaborate games with our Playmobil sets and Beanie Babies. Right now, both of my sisters are at home for their college fall breaks, and last night they decided to start playing with the Playmobil toys, and they sent me many snapchats. So today I am missing them terribly.
Congratulations! I have two girls – 5 and 2. They are such good friends and play together in wonderful ways. I think they will be close all their lives. I am an only child so it warms my heart to see this. SISTERS, HUH!!!
(Also you will save many $$ on reusing clothes and getting to see the tiny onesie that your first baby wore on your new baby will tug at your heart in a queer, good way.)
Wooooooooooooooooooo. Aw man. I have two sisters, both younger than me. The older one is four years younger than me, and when we were growing up she was a little shit in the way that sometimes one can’t help being a little shit when one is that age, and I was horrible to her. Eventually I stopped being horrible to her and was just cold and disdainful. I couldn’t imagine being friendly with her.
Then she went to college and somehow became super cool. Now she’s about to finish nursing school and guys, she is just killing it. Winning all kinds of awards and posting the best grades her professors have ever seen. She’s so kind, and she’s a natural leader. And we are really really good friends now, and I feel kind of bad that I spent so many years being mean to her, but I don’t know whether we would have arrived here if we hadn’t gone through that.
My baby sister is eight years younger than me, and we are so similar – both introverted and tending to melancholy, both always second-guessing ourselves. She’s a dedicated and artistic dancer, and a very talented visual artist, but she gets so nervous about her ballet classes, and her artwork is shoved into stacks on her closet floor because she doesn’t think it’s any good. I love her sensitive little soul, and I hope to god she doesn’t have to fight as long and hard as I did to be happy.
Sisterhood, man. It’s weird.
I have two sisters, one three years younger (A), one ten years younger (V). A and I bickered CONSTANTLY until I got old enough to move out, and now we get on fine. I think this was mainly because A was always, always “Alchemy’s sister” through high school, which is not what you want when you’re trying to form an adult identity, and especially when it turns out that our adult identities are wildly different. Me: fairly reserved, fairly butch, small social circle. Her: boundlessly extrovert, tons of friends, much more feminine and also apparently astoundingly beautiful (she has been *proposed to* by randoms on the street, which is a whole new level of weird).
V and I were never that close – a four-year-old and a fourteen-year-old do not have that much interest in one another – but now she’s a teenager she is basically me at that age, down to the iffy choice of haircut and writing fanfic when she thinks no-one’s looking. (This caused me to retroactively realise that my parents totally knew I was doing it, which … eek.) She is a pretty awesome kid and I have high hopes will be a pretty awesome adult.
Um. My only real advice is to make sure that the younger one does not go through life forever as “Older Kid’s sister” because it isn’t cool, and people are terrible for comparing same-gender sibs in a way they don’t seem to be with brother-sister pairs.
Thank you, this is great advice. I even had some of those issues with my 5-years-younger brother – I was more the introverted teacher’s-favorite type and he was the cool athletic extrovert. We both had some resentments toward each other, and with same-gender it would have been much worse. Really going to work on encouraging them to find their own paths & not comparing.
Sisters are the best! Mine doesn’t get along with me all the time (not helped by our existence on two different coasts), but when we are in the same room there are these incredible moments of “this person GETS ME.”
How can you post a picture of such delicious soup and NOT THE RECIPE?? PLEASE? Also, I got fennel in my CSA this week and while I try to love all vegetables, it just tastes like nyquil to me. Anyone have any ideas on usage?
Here’s what to do with fennel: cut off all that green nonsense at the top, cut up the bottom bits pretty thickly, take a WHOLE BUNCH of butter and sauté the fennel in that slowly until it is quite brown/clear and soft. Then, take the whole mess and cover it with (ideally freshly shaved parmesan) at this point you can either eat it if you’re hungry or pop it in the oven to melt up that parm a bit. You could also mix breadcrumbs in with the parm.
This is as delicious as something can be while still being a vegetable I think? I also use it as a substitute for celery in my stuffing though cause I hate celery a whole lot, so maybe just give your fennel to someone who likes it if this doesn’t work out.
Don’t dispose of the green nonsense, though! It doesn’t taste nearly as much like licorice as the root does, and it makes a really excellent pesto.
Put it in vegetable stock! I used this recipe and it was delish – warning, only makes 2 quarts! http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/vegetable-stock
Definitely roasting it to the point that it is all soft and gooey really changes the flavour.
My partner cuts up fennel into fairly small slices, cooks it in a pan with olive oil (or bacon fat) until it is very very soft, and then adds stuff to make pasta sauce. For bacon fat, he dices slab bacon, adds the fennel after the bacon has cooked a little, then adds onions and garlic once the fennel is well underway, then adds pureed canned tomatoes, and cooks it until it is sauce-like. For olive oil, he does fennel, shallots, garlic and then adds frozen shrimp once those guys are cooked, then diced tomatoes, and then a squeeze of lemon at the end.
I don’t love fennel or sardines, but when I put them together with tomatoes and lemon zest and breadcrumbs and pasta I love this dish: http://food52.com/recipes/9065-linguine-with-sard…
I make this about every two weeks or so. I use two cans of sardines, extra garlic, and extra tomatoes (half a 28 oz can of whole plum tomatoes).
Extra garlic is always the right answer every time.
That looks really good! Although I’m vegetarian so I wonder if it would work with capers instead. That is what I do when I make vegetarian puttanesca.
I’m not a superfan, but I’ve found that thinly slicing it (like, super wafer-thin) works for me. I like the texture but not the firehose of licorice flavor. This garam masala tofu scramble is both delicious and easy! I’ve never made one of Heidi Swanson’s recipes and not have it turn out great, even the ones where I side-eye the ingredients list.
Y’all are the actual best. Thank you!! Now I just have to choose and am almost wishing we got more than one…bulb?
fair point. written quickly, but with love, just for you!
ingredients:
1 large onion or 2 medium sized onions
2-4 potatoes (depending on size)
mushrooms 1-2 lbs (flexible, the more the better)
2 packets dried porcini mushrooms
2 cups barley
truffle oil (optional)
sour cream (to serve)
oil to cook (oil or any other is fine)
1. clean barley (i prefer pearled, hulled is fine, but add 40min
cooking time), throw into a pot 3/4 full of water, dash salt and leave
to boil.
2. put porcini mushrooms into a bowl with boiled/hot water, cover and
let soak while barley rest of mushrooms cook.
3. clean/chop onions and saute with a spoonful of olive oil (any oil is fine)
4. while onions cook clean and chop up fresh mushrooms. i prefer
cremini, you can use any mushrooms, but if you use white make sure to
mix them with some meaty mushroom like portobella otherwise the soup
isn’t as meaty
5. when onion is translucent throw in fresh mushrooms and add some
garlic salt, sautee all together letting the mushroom liquid boil out.
after about 12 minutes add a tspn of truffle oil.
6. leave mushrooms to cook (about 30 minutes should now have passed
since putting pearled barley in to cook) and carefully take out dried
mushrooms making sure to not waste water that they’re in. chop them
coarsely and throw in with sauteeing mushrooms. Sautee for about 5
more min, and then add mixture (mushrooms/ onion) to the barley soup.
7. while sauteeing dried mushrooms chop up potatoes (skinned) into
small cubes), add potatoes when adding the mushroom mixture, or a few
min later if you need more time to chop
8. when adding potatoes, add the reserved water in which porcini were
soaking as well as a few drops of truffle oil and a few teaspoonfuls
of salt.
9. cook until potatoes are totally done. so about 15 more min
(impossible to overcook).
10. serve with dollop of sour cream and (this is optional) drop of truffle oil in plate.
***if you are going to add meat to the soup, do so with the barely so
it gets a chance to cook into the broth.
*bookmarks* That sounds AMAZING.
BLESS YOU Bartender! I went and got cream of ‘shroom soup at lunch because of that photo but it was total garbage (soup should not be consistency of sour cream) so I need to make my own, delicious, mushroom soup soon.
THANK YOU bookmarked and making ASAP!!
This week I learned that infinity scarves are not actually Möbius strips and I am a bit disappointed in the world.
You can make yourself a mobius scarf though! Here’s an example.
I tried making one years ago and never finished.. now I’ve become more interested in infinity scarves and you’ve just reminded me that I could make my own.
ETA: I really love math in design, like mobius stuff and trying to work the fibonacci sequence into patterns.
It’s not so much that I want one, I just assumed that was why they were called that & was enjoying the idea that everyone was walking around with Mobius strips around their necks and perhaps pausing throughout the day to contemplate topology.
Oh man, you are giving fashion trends too much credit.. although it would be awesome if they did that!
There are also Klein Bottle hats!
https://www.kleinbottle.com/klein_bottle_hats.htm
But you could make one like a Mobius strip
Well that is incredibly misleading.
Frivolous Friday question: what song lyrics/titles did you mishear until an embarrassingly late age?
Mine are “When A Man Loves A Walnut” (until I was about 12 or 13) and the great Canadian classic about an Irish barkeep, Kim Mitchell’s “Paddy O’Lanterns” (until I was in my early twenties).
The All-American Rejects’s “Swing Swing” where they clearly went swinging from a tablesaw my heart, not the “tangles of” my heart.
“You Can Call Me Alf”
The chorus of ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’ is “Oh come let us adorn him, Christ veloured,” I don’t care what anyone else says.
*imagines the Baby Jesus in a bedazzled Juicy tracksuit, nods* Yes, you are correct.
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WALNUT
“Paddy O’Lanterns” has made my day. THANK YOU.
go go jason waterfalls
I knew a little kid who thought it was “1, 2, 3, 4, get your wallet on the floor.” As a teenage feminist I decided he didn’t need to know the real lyrics.
I still think ELO is singing “Medieval Woman” when “Evil Woman” comes on the radio. To be honest, I think the former is vastly more interesting.
…I thought they were singing ‘Medieval Woman’ until right now. :/
haha yep.
I only found out earlier this year, when I downloaded it on Spotify for a mix.
“Girl I’m just a teamster for your lo-o-o-ove…”
My brother-in-law and I both insist REO Speedwagon’s Take it on the Run says “But I’m telling you, babe/That I don’t think it’s true, babe/And even if it is, keep kissing my hind”….which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
For the longest time I thought “Barbara Ann” was “Bob or Ann” and the lyric was, “Went to a dance, lookin’ for a man, saw Bob or Ann…”
I was like: the 50s were more open to non-binary gender stuff than I’d imagined.
These are all amazing; you people are precious jewels and great wordsmiths.
STOP!
in the NAME OF GOD
before you break my heart
GIMME THE BEACH BOYS AND FREE MY SOUL, I WANNA GET LOST IN YOUR ROCK N ROLL AND DRIFT AWAY
Totally thought MJ was singing DON’T STOP TIL YOU GET IT UP!
My mother’s face as I bellowed that in the car at the tender age of 10 was priceless.
“Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba was huuuge when I was a kid, and I heard “pissing the night away” as “piss in the microwave” for YEARS.
WAIT, it’s not DANCING the night away???
all the women who are independent, throw your hands on batman
very recent: there’s a fire burning in my heart –> thursday’s fire burning in my heart.
OMG I just got off the train and in the station there was a guy with a saxophone playing WHEN A MAAAAAN LOVES A WALNUT and I thought of this post and giggled.
Hi! Tomorrow is International Home Movie Day! Check out http://www.homemovieday.com to see if there is one near you. There are loads and loads in the States. I’m the London, UK organiser, and am spending the day baking for the cake stall. I am making 2 x plum and walnut cakes (I can tell you after 6 years of Home Movie Day that the flavour of cake that the older crowd who come like best is plum and walnut), cheese scones, feta, ricotta and spinach rolls and sausage rolls.
Home Movie Day is a day where people can bring their home movies (on film) for free examination and projection by volunteer film archivists and projectionists. It’s a really fun day (at least, the London one is, never been to another!). We have ours at the Cinema Museum in Kennington, which is a super cool private collection of pieces of old cinemas – eg the carpets, facades, posters etc. And we get to wear their collection of usher uniforms, it is awesome.
I want plum and walnut cake, that sounds super.
What a fun thing – enjoy!
I left my old house for the last time yesterday and I’m sad about it. It was honestly a shitty house with five thousand problems, but I lived there for fifteen years (more than half my life!) and it was the last place our whole family lived together. I will miss it.
And because it fits the fall theme:
I took this picture yesterday because the two mountain ashes in front of it are always amazing in October.
I also went to my first burlesque show last night! It was really fun and I got a free drink ticket for sassing the hosts, plus one dancer performed a song at me (it was ‘Do I Creep You Out’ by Weird Al and involved SO MANY COATS but it was amazing). A good time all around!
Cool, burlesque! I love burlesque.
This week was my annual Go See A Metal Show excursion. The fella has really gotten me to enjoy a very specific, narrowly defined type of metal, which is still kind of confusing and funny to me. Like, if you had said to me five years ago that I would not only attend a metal show, but enjoy it, I would’ve laughed in your face. Yet here I am. What kind of music has surprised you into liking it, Toasties?
P.S. if you get a chance to see Amon Amarth, you should. They are tons of fun. I was grinning the whole time. Also they sing about Loki.
My husband took me to a Baroness concert, and I was not expecting to have a great time, since I’m not a big metal fan and I don’t always like concerts (crowded, hot, I’m short, bands always start late, etc.). But it was great! I loved it, and Baroness, and how into it all the fans were.
Baroness is amazing.
Mastodon is playing here on the 1st and I really want to go but already have plans. 🙁
Every time I’ve been at/around metal fans, they all seem like such pleasant, happy people. Given the choice between going to see some well regarded hipster type band, or going to a metal show….I might go with the metal show. At least people apologize profusely when they bump into you, and so far I have a perfect record of not being harassed by men. Yay metalheads!
Let’s talk about our favorite detectives! (Prompted by @ShrillCosby’s controversial seven-spot list of True Detectives.) Mine are from books because I live in a hole. With books in it.
For unflinching moral rectitude: Patricia Wentworth’s Miss Silver
For swagger: Rex Stout’s Archie Goodwin
For generosity of spirit: Ellis Peters’s Brother Cadfael
My mom and I mail each other mysteries we find at the swap shop or on the library sale cart, with Post-Its offering reviews (“Stupid but fun” or “I like the dialogue in this one”) and annotations.
Needless to say, I love Archie!
Also most of Dick Francis’s heroes have a quiet competence (with occasional ass-kicking!) I find enormously attractive.
Tess Monaghan.
Ha, eh, ha. Whatever, you’ve all heard the sound of laughter before.
For everything: Erast Fandorin.
If you haven’t heard of him: he is a Russian police officer who starts his adventures in the late 1870s, and works his way through Tsarist Russia up until 1914 (the latest book at least). He’s of course very smart but in plenty of cases, realizes something too late, so the stories often end tragically or at least with a lose-lose type of situation. So he is very human, and not unbeatable like Sherlock Holmes/Hercule Poirot but you will love him.
Well, THAT went straight onto the hold list! Sounds delightful.
These are also super fun because they are kind of a meta romp through different mystery tropes and genres. I haven’t read one in a while – there are probably new translations since I last checked in!
Yes, I love how Akunin wrote throught different detective genres. This meant there were a couple I didn’t enjoy as much but I loved his Japanese adventures, for example. Have you read The Diamond Chariot and were you completely crushed by the ending? I crash-read through the series this summer but I had to take a three-week break after that before I could fully move on.
Flavia de Luce. 11-year-old chemist, solves crime, kicks ass, has a bicycle named Gladys. Set in 1950s England. I am determined to make everyone love these books.
They are also really really fine audiobooks. I love Flavia, she’s very kick-ass
I love Flavia! All the books are fabulous. Her relationship with Inspector Hewitt and his wife (Antigone!) is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.
If anyone would like to talk about how bizarre Qwilleran and the Cat Who books as a whole are, I AM HERE FOR YOU.
YES. My cranky old aunt and I used to read them together and discuss them in depth. Many years later, I’m left wondering what on earth the attraction was besides handsome older gentleman + psychic cat.
Oh my god I love those books. I struck up a conversation with a middle aged man at an airport once, who was reading the same Cat Who book that I was. (I believe it was The Cat Who Came to Breakfast?) Rereading them now though, I’m struck by how awful the descriptions of the cats are – Koko is the smart, insightful one, who leaves clues and is basically human… and Yum Yum (and seriously – “Yum Yum”?) is a cat version of a dumb bimbo? Ick.
There is a lot of weird gender stuff in those books, now that I think of it. Like, even Polly is constantly described as like, warm/nurturing/gentle and so on, but like, the books are so weird in so many other ways that I don’t even know if that’s the right tack to hang my hat on with regards to CRITICIZING THESE BOOKS.
Well, always and forever Lord Peter Wimsey, of course. But I’m insanely fond of Inspector Salvo Montalbano, as well, and Chief Inspector Armand Gamache.
And then there’s Morse, and Lewis, and Hathaway. And DI Lynley / DS Havers, may they investigate together into eternity. (Lynley is maybe the only one I prefer the TV version of, because holes with books in them are the best places to live, but Nathaniel Parker is more than lure enough to bring out into the visual world.)
yesss morse, lewis, and hathaway.
I am just about to start Gaudy Night, please tell me it will be awesome! I’m a bit new to mystery novels.
It is incredibly awesome, but if you haven’t read any of the other Wimsey novels, I’d recommend saving Gaudy Night. It will make more sense after you’ve read the others, especially the ones with Harriet Vane.
Yes, yes, Gaudy Night is *amazing* but it is most amazing in context as the end of a sequence where Sayers is transforming from writing really good by-the-book detective fiction to complex layered psychological novels. So please, read the earlier ones first!
Wait so where should I start? Are they really worth reading a full series?
They really are, if they work for you, and if they do not work for you Gaudy Night will almost certainly not work either.
But! They are not exactly a series, more a lot of books written over time that eventually develop a three-book story arc. I would start with the first book in the story arc, which is Strong Poison. If you love it, then it is highly worthwhile to go read the earlier ones, since Sayers has a lot to say about PTSD and the effects of WWI on Britain and so forth, and Peter is amazing. If you love Harriet but don’t much like the rest of the book, read the other books with Harriet (Have His Carcase, Gaudy Night, Busman’s Honeymoon).
Yepyep, seconded to all of this.
They are definitely worth it (except maybe Five Red Herrings, but all the rest).
Gaudy Night is amazing – but as others have said, I’d read a few others (Strong Poison!) first.
Armande Gamache! I love the Louise Penny books, but can only read them in small doses because as beautifully written as they are, they are all so sad and devastating. The end of Bury Your Dead was nigh-unbearable.
poirot for sentimentality
but really robin from top of the lake.
and morse and lewis and hathaway of course.
Bryant and May, of Christopher Fowler’s Peculiar Crimes Unit series. They are quite fantastic.
Poirot because he’s terrible, but he’s Poirot
Albert Campion (Margery Allingham) is my book husband. Her books are all amazing. About as literate as Sayers, but with an extra dash of WTF eccentricity.
Flavia de Luce
Inspector Alan Grant from the Josephine Tey novels
Revisited Wentworth this past summer – Miss Silver is the best
See, I love Tey, but I don’t love Grant. I can’t explain it. Though it does explain why I like the Nicola Upson books.
I’ve been on hold for the start of the Allingham series for 11 months now. I don’t know WTF with my library. Gonna have to chase that up, and also look into Wentworth, who I don’t know.
Do you read the Maisie Dobbs books? Such wonderful characters (give or take – take – Maisie’s romantic interests), and a different take on Britain between the Wars, touching on loads of issues with gender and class.
I can totally see that! I like the Grant novels but my favorites are Brat Farrar and The Daughter of Time so obviously I like the non-Grant ones as well.
A giant raspberry for your library. It is worth reading the Allingham books in order, as Campion actually ages through the books, so it makes more sense that way.
Wentworth is very dramatic and always has a very romantic plot line thrown in there, so Miss Silver’s extreme practicality provides a good stabilizing effect. They are very enjoyable books.
I have read all the Maisie Dobbs and like them a lot. Refreshing to see all the class and gender issues explored. I’m ambivalent about Maisie’s romantic interests, maybe because the one I liked didn’t work out. Winspear has written a new non-Maisie novel about WWI that I just got from the library – have you read that one?
I’m somewhere like 18 of 37 on the hold list for the new Winspear – everyone wants that book, apparently.
Fortunately I just checked out the new Tana French so I have that to help me with the wait.
Yay a fellow fan of Miss Silver! I like Miss Marple too, but Miss Silver is even better IMO.
For us, Lord Peter Wimsey, definitely. And we have just discovered a new detective, Mr. Reginald Fortune, who is like Lord Peter if LP occasionally just quietly shot the criminals when he couldn’t get a conviction because you can’t let people wander around who will abuse children. They are by H.C. Bailey who was apparently one of the big names during the Golden Age but didn’t get massively reprinted in the 60s like Sayers/Christie/Allingham/Marsh did, so his stuff is harder to find. They remind me a lot of Chesterton in some ways, but not overtly Christian. We love them and are devouring them as fast as we can find them.
Marsh! That’s the other one my library refuses to dig up for me. Grrr.
Off to look for HC Bailey
The Honorable Miss Phrnye Fisher, Lady Detective! She’s a glamorous, wealthy, super independent lady detective in 20s Australia. She wears amazing dresses (omg, her clothes)! She solves crime! She has fantastic sex with lots of good looking men! Her best friend, Mac, is a female doctor with a love for Scotch and the ladies! She has sexual tension with this tall drink of water! (the one on the left)
she’s so great; I want to be her when I grow up.
EDIT: are those links working? idk my html-fu is weak today.
Oh man, I kinda gave up on the books of her because WOW orientalism, but maybe the show is better?
It is! I mean, there are one or two episodes that you will probably want to skip (season 1, episodes 6 & 8) or at least fast forward through the cringey “Oriental” bits, but the rest of it is great!
One thing I really like in the TV show is that it shows strong and meaningful relationships between women and devotes time to it – like Phryne’s relationship with Dot. However, it is not so good with diversity, so YMMV – the only minority characters are supporting characters that show up for an episode and then disappear.
Amelia Peabody from the bajillions of books by Elizabeth Peters. I haven’t read anything in a while because her son became this sort of ridiculous, mostly humorless Gary Stu, but the early books where it’s about Amelia being a plucky Victorian lady often in Egypt are a whole lot of fun. Especially because Peters is a trained Egyptologist herself.
William Monk and Hester Latterly from the Anne Perry books. He’s kind of a crabby jerk and she’s a bit prickly but then so am I.
George Crabtree from The Murdoch Mysteries. I love George Crabtree and would watch an entire show about his antics and his potboiler writing.
I’m currently really into Ripper Street (tv show). Sergeant Drake (aka Bronn from Game of Thrones) is adorable.
Oh gosh, I love Ian Rankin’s John Rebus. He’s a dour Scotsman and those books are so good
Jackson Brodie. Complicated ex-cop with some serious issues. Not light reads by any means, but they are all incredible and compelling, like almost all Kate Atkinson books.
I think what I love most about Archie is that he’s a hardboiled noir detective who doesn’t care at all about making you think of him as a hardboiled noir detective. He can shoot a gun out of a guy’s hand, yes, but he’s also perfectly willing to go into a bar and order a glass of milk.
Status Update: After approx 2 yrs of OMG WTF LIFE, my job is going fantastically, and my bf and I are not long distance, and my apt has wifi and cable, and my hair is doing cute things at the moment. I’m so obscenely grateful for life no longer being terrible. #ItGetsBetter
Congratulations! This is all wonderful! I’ve been feeling quite perky lately (fall weather! dating nice people! promotion at work!) so I toast you! (see what I did there?)
Ha! I see it and salute you 🙂
Yay! That is awesome!
Toasties, I have spent the last two weekends in wedding-related flurries (two weekends ago I was merely a guest, last weekend I was a bridesmaid and hosted guests in my home) and this weekend my plans are to do PRECISELY NOTHING, which feels like I’m getting off for Christmas break right now, honestly.
Also, I’m really bummed out the Sims 4 has such terrible reviews, because I was hoping it’d be awesome. I guess I will continue to Sims 3.
I think Sims 4 is pretty fun! But if you’re still enjoying Sims 3, there’s no huge reason to switch: the game is better, but the features are fewer, so it’s definitely a tradeoff.
I’ve heard that Sims 4 is closer to Sims 2 in gameplay — is that true? I never warmed to Sims 3 (and so am still an avid Sims 2 devotee), but if I could have the Sims 2 game with the Sims 3 sim creator, that would make me very happy.
Hmm… It’s been so long since I played Sims 2! That’s probably a fair comparison, but I don’t feel qualified to say a definite yes or no.
I’m still enjoying Sims 3, but I’ve never been happy with the Create-a-Sim in 3. Unless you pull features to the extremes, everyone tends to look pretty much the same, facial-features wise. I miss the extreme customizability of Sim faces in Sims 2, and I heard the Sims 4 Create-a-Sim is leaps and bounds better than the one in 3. But with the missing features, I think I’m willing to wait for a few patches to Sims 4 before I go ahead and get it. I know the patches for 3 added TONS of content over the first year or so of it being out, so hopefully they do the same with Sims 4.
I think it depends what you play for! I love Sims 3 because I love building, and they took away a lot of the building things I like, but Sims 4 might be more fun for character interactions?
Going on a FOURTH date with an OkC guy on Saturday! I brought him home after date #3, which was nice, and this is the first time we’re seeing each other since then. Eep! AND he suggested that we go to a museum, so it will be in broad daylight and sober. Nervous/excited!
I mean, ever since they invented the flask (thanks Dr. Flaskerton!), broad daylight, museums and sobriety need not be married.
Fair. I was contemplating “quick glass of pre-date barely-noon wine while I frantically do laundry,” but we’ll see how it goes.
That sounds like a situation tailor-made for a mimosa.
One of the hardest weeks. Please share photos of dogs in costume? Here’s an A+ Mr. Softee: http://insatiabletravelerdotcom1.files.wordpress….
I’ve got permission from our own IceBergMama to post pics of her canine roommate Lil Bit in Sharknado costume:
What an amazing shark! Thank you so much to you and Iceberg!
Those are terrific photos, and I can’t over his/her name – LIL BIT. Perfect.
I miss the friends I left behind two states ago. Things weren’t good there (*I* wasn’t in a good place there), but I wonder how things would be different if I’d stayed.
I have similar feelings – I have almost no friends from grad school, because I moved away (most people stayed in the city) and I was a miserable asshole during grad school. I wonder if people got to know me better and I was a better person once we graduated if I’d have more connections to there? But I am obscenely happy to be where I am with who I am, so I try not to wonder about it too much.
I miss my friends from Oregon and I miss them hanging out at my house all night and me grumbling and making them coffee and breakfasts in the morning. I miss being dumb drunk idiots with them and watching terrible TV and terrible movies and I want to go watch Dracula Untold this weekend and I don’t know who will go with me. I love it here in Boston but I’m lonely.
I would give a lot right now to be able to make them soup or waffles or tacos or martinis or old-fashioneds or sidecars or one of the Weird Drinks out of the 1940s cocktail recipe book.
On the plus side I gave blood today and the nurses were Very New England and it was great.
Hugs. Lots of em. Does it help if I tell you it’s supposed to be hard in exactly this way (even though you already know)?
Are you me? I also live in Boston (suburbs at the moment), but I’m flying back to PDX next week for the first time since 2011. P.S. if you are craving Oregon stuff, there’s a few places around Boston brewing Stumptown, and Magpie in Davis Square is basically a shop full of Portland.
There is Stumptown in my office, which pleases me. I spent some time yesterday staring out the window at the rain and sipping a latte.
Living in Cambridge I don’t really miss “Portland Things” so much, because it’s close enough. I just miss people, and being able to think “I would like to go to a bar” and immediately knowing where I want to go, and all the things that come with living somewhere for longer than two months.
HAVE LOTS OF FUN IN PDX HUG POWELL’S FOR ME I MISS IT SO SASS THE HIPSTERS AND THE MORE ANNOYING OF THE HIPPIES PLEASE
Missing people is the worst. I’m sorry.
I’m same name as here on Twitter, if you’re looking for new friends in the area. Also I am throwing a Halloween party. It is super chill. We are going to decorate gourds. I bought googly eyes and chai liqueur. Uh, the chai liqueur is not for decorating the gourds. Well, it is for stimulating the creative decorating process, so, anyway, you get the idea.
Also I am jealous of your office Stumptown. My office has…a keurig.
This has been one of the most astonishingly terrible weeks of my entire life.
In other news, I quit a tabletop game that was no fun at all, and I’m replacing it with D&D (how about that new system?! I only played part of the introductory module WotC published recently, but I really liked the changes they made) and a monthly rules-light story games meetup, and I couldn’t be happier. I stuck out the bad game way longer than I should have, and not having to worry about making time to do something unfun is GREAT.
Also, I’m doing the 50 book challenge and have decided that I’m bored with every book on my to read list. What recent SF have you read? I like Jeff VanderMeer and China Mievelle quite a bit; is there anything else in that vein I should check out? I’ve heard good things about The Martian, but I haven’t had a chance to pick it up yet.
Hello tell me about your story games! Also about your 5e opinions! I’m also playing the introductory module right now (second session is tonight) and loving it so far, although we haven’t really gotten… anywhere yet.
My favorite change is the Background rules — what a huge shift from 4th ed, to actually REQUIRE you to assign your character a PERSONALITY TRAIT. (I also appreciate that someone online went through and calculated that, assuming all backgrounds and traits thereof are assigned randomly, 19 out of every 1000 player characters were raised by wolves.) I’m… less sure about the advantage/disadvantage mechanic, but I’m warming up to it, and it does significantly reduce the amount of crap I have to remember so that’s nice.
What story games are your favorites? I’ve tried a bunch and determined that I mostly like ones that still have a GM/storyteller/facilitator role of some kind, although to be fair I did also love Durance.
omg this comment is going to potentially get massive, I apologize in advance.
So, my introduction to tabletop at all was actually through a Vampire: the Masquerade(now Requiem) LARP; I didn’t start playing D&D until later, so I was working with both the shift from LARP (which by necessity is centered on character interactions) to tabletop, and going between two very different systems with pretty different game philosophies. Which is a tl;dr way to say: I didn’t like (3.5 ed) D&D, and I didn’t like how easy it was to just be a collection of stats instead of a character. Additionally, I am not a terribly stats-focused person ever and it takes me a little bit to get used to a system, so it was frustrating to try to make my very first character while playing with tweaked-out min-maxers; I also disliked the very segmented way skills work in D&D vs in WW games. That being said, I really enjoyed both AD&D and 2nd ed much better, aside from the horror of encountering THAC0 for the first time (there is nothing crueler in this world than rolling a nat 20 and then discovering it’s suddenly a botch).
5ed/Next/whatever fixed a lot of those problems that I personally had with D&D — part of it is just increasing familiarity with the system, but part of it is the increased focus on backgrounds and getting statistical benefits for actually having character stuff. Additionally, everyone always gets fun, cool stuff when they level, and everyone’s powers are NUTS.
In terms of advantage/disadvantage — I like it because it speeds up combat, and it makes it easier to abstract where everybody is standing instead of breaking out the battle mat. Plus, it allows for some really ludicrous stunts — we had a halfling fighter who ended up Fight MVP without taking a single offensive action by standing in a doorway, doing the Halfling Dance of Invulnerability, and successfully penning up the dungeon boss and his minions in a single room while we set it on fire.
ANYWAY.
In terms of story games — honestly, playing Lady Blackbird for the first time was life-changing. Pretty much my entire DM philosophy (which can be boiled down to, “what do the players want to do? How can I facilitate making it possible for them to do the thing, up to and including changing the rules?”) was spawned in that game. I’m in a teenaged witches hack LBB game right now with the same DM, who is AMAZING and my favorite DM ever, and it’s just fantastic.
My favorite system is probably Apocalypse World, both because the setting for base game is like catnip to me, and because D. Vincent Baker lets people make their own hacks of it — there are so many AW hacks out there, and so many of them are really quality games. Monsterhearts is probably my personal favorite AW hack; there’s also No Country for Old Kobolds, which I tested at Gen Con and am very excited to own.
A system I have always been impressed with and want to play more is Dread — if you’re not familiar with it, it’s a horror game in which you play Jenga instead of rolling dice. I find very few tabletop games even remotely scary; I found Dread absolutely terrifying. One draw took me way longer than it should have because I couldn’t stop shaking. It’s such a neat, clever mechanic! I love it!
I have also played and loved InSpectres, The Quiet Year, Hell 4 Leather, Durance, Fiasco!, and Dogs in the Vineyard, and I bought Polaris at Gen Con but haven’t had a chance to play it, but this comment is already stupid long, so I’m going to stop nattering.
AHA, my question about your favorite story games was basically a ploy to find out whether you had already played Monsterhearts or whether this would be a Monsterhearts Proselytizing Opportunity for me. (HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD NEWS ABOUT MONSTERHEARTS.) It’s my absolute favorite. There is no limit to how many sulky teenage werewolves I want to play.
What did you think of No Country for Old Kobolds? It sounds right up my alley — like if Kobolds Ate My Babies took itself seriously and weren’t written primarily to appeal to 15-year-old boys, sort of. I’m pleased to see that it’s made its funding goal!
For novels: I like Charles Stross a lot, especially the Laundry series, which is a combo of weird and scifi and spy stories and humor.
Delving more into weird horror I’ve recently read short story compilations by Thomas Ligotti and Laird Barron. They can be pretty dark though.
Ancillary Justice is a great novel that has been plugged a lot around here. I just checked on Amazon and it looks like the sequel to that has just come out as well (which I will now promptly buy).
YEAH I read the Laundry series recently and really enjoyed them; did he also write Accelerando?
I am V E R Y into weird horror; I remember seeing Ligotti’s name mentioned in relation to True Detective, but I’ve never heard of Barron before.
I’ve seen Ancillary Justice mentioned a couple of times, but somehow missed that they are space opera?! DONE, sold, gonna try and pick it up tonight. Thanks!
Looks like he did write Accelerando though I haven’t read that one. He has a few different series / topics. Another I just read by him was Neptune’s Brood, which is basically a sci-fi banking story (with post-humans and some adventure thrown in).
I really wanted to love Ancillary Justice, and the ideas are great, but I kept putting it down and forgetting about it and then my library loan expired and it disappeared from my ereader and I don’t care enough to get it again.
Sorry about your quite horrible week. Virtual hugs & warm blankies.
I’m not a frequent SF reader, so my reaction to The Martian is from a generalist perspective, but it was fun. It’s quick, and it had cool ‘well that just got worse, now what?’ moments. I got a little bored by his voice after a while, though the adventure was more than enough to keep me up too late reading.
Thanks. I’m just glad it’s almost over; hopefully nothing else horrible happens between now and Sunday night.
Alright, that’s three people who have said positive things about The Martian — reading time is go!
I just went to my first D&D last week! It was pretty rad!
Plus the other dudes there are somehow all gay, and I’m not sure how that happened, but it’s real nice to be hanging out with nerds who don’t have a chip on their shoulder about women. <–not sure how to say what I mean there…
Oh, I know exactly what you mean — I’ve been very lucky in that my primary gaming group has been very lady-friendly and lgbtq-friendly, but I’ve joined other games with other people and been distinctly uncomfortable with the response — nothing really bad has happened, but I’ve encountered more than a few people DETERMINED to believe I don’t know shit about gaming and don’t really belong, despite all evidence to the contrary.
So sorry about your terrible week. =(
If you like Miéville, you might like G. Willow Wilson’s Alif the Unseen. It’s more on the spec-fic side and less science-y SF. I loved it.
Ooo, thank you! That sounds pretty much right up my alley!
The Martian is good, not amazing.
I liked it! It is very ‘here is science! It makes sense, I swear!’ Also feels like a classic adventure story in that you know the hero is probably going to make it out okay, but ridiculous difficult obstacles keep popping up. Although I guess all obstacles are ridiculous and difficult when you are stranded alone on Mars?
Anyways, a fun read, I enjoyed it, but I’m surprised by all the ‘Wow best book evar!’ I’ve heard about it.
Heh, not gonna lie, that’s part of what made me think I would definitely like it — I was raised on Heinlein’s juvenile fiction, in which clean-cut boyscout engineers have exciting and dangerous adventures with rocketships in! and make it out okay on the other side; I find that particular flavor of science fiction immensely comforting to read.
ha! Then you will love it.
Definite flavours of that, minus the pervasive Heinlein misogyny!
Hannu Ranjaniemi and Lauren Beukes might be a bit on the Mieville-ish (bustling, bizarre) side of SF universes, maybe? Kameron Hurley’s Bel Dame series?
Connie Willis, To Say Nothing of the Dog?
and actually, if you like China Mieville, you would probably like Haruki Murakami’s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles, too.
Hello, Toasties! I missed you last Open Thread, but I was wandering around Sleepy Hollow Cemetery with my Coloradan friend.
I am on the verge of ending things with this guy I’ve been dating. We talked a bit about it last night; I mostly just don’t see my feelings for him getting any stronger. This is very strange for me because I’ve always been the dumpee and not the dumper. I’m sort of sad, but also extremely relieved, and it’s kind of a nice change of pace as far as relationship-ending goes. Is this what it’s always like for the dumper?
Anyway, let’s talk about AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAK SHOW. What do you think?? I am really into it, but a couple of my friends think it’s not as good as last season (??!!), to which I say BAH.
AHS FOREVER YES PLEASE. I am also really into it. I liked Coven but it was a bit heavy on the intentional camp for my taste, I’m looking forward to more Murder House-esque straight horror.
I remember Coven starting off well, and then just going nuts. I already can tell I’m more invested in these characters, and because everyone can’t be resurrected, I actually give a fuck when bad things happen to them. (POOR MEEP 🙁 )
I’ve kind of felt that way about all of the seasons, actually! Especially Asylum… like, did it really need evil nuns and a serial killer and demon possession and alien abduction AND Nazis? Every time I thought it had reached peak ridiculousness, it somehow managed to take it up another notch.
Definitely agree about the permanent death thing. Will be a nice change!
I’m still mad about the aliens, honestly. What a lousy way to bookend the series.
We never got answers about the aliens! I just watched the Asylum finale last night, and I need more!
I did like the “Name Game” sequence in Asylum, although it was the ridiculous cherry on top of everything else.
I’ve only seen the first episode so far, but that is already way more enjoyable than last season, which just totally went of the rails (and not in a good way).
I don’t watch it, silly me, but I have a friend whose kid + her date made really delightfully horrifying AHS homecoming mums for homecoming this week. Skulls instead of teddy bears in the center, all kinds of ghoulish fun in the ribbons.
Meanwhile, I’ve been helping my friends make mums for their sons’ dates, since my son’s girlfriend is too iconoclastic to wear one. Ruining my fun is no way to butter me up, kiddo! (Good thing I’ve known and liked her since they were 5, I guess.)
http://dakimel.blogspot.com/2013/10/mums-word.htm… – this is the whole homecoming mum thing (that’s the ridiculous one I made for my older son’s date last year) if you’re wondering what I’m on about.
Just look at these!
These are amazing!!
MUMS. I’m from New Jersey, so I was completely oblivious to this phenomenon until my Texan friends showed me pictures from their childhood. It’s amazing.
I’ve had the urge to watch The Frighteners again, for whatever reason. I recommend that one if you want horror-comedy.
Or A Bucket of Blood, the only movie I know of with a killer beatnik.
Is anyone else confused about the Ouija movie? I’m pretty sure that game is played solely by girls between the ages of 12-13 at sleepovers. If they’re looking for a merchandising movie it should be something like Casper or Hocus Pocus where tween girls go on adventures with teen heartthrob ghosts.
It looks like the worst movie EVER and I am very excited to go see it as soon as possible.
One of my early boy crushes was Devon Sawa as Casper! I think it’s because boys were so rude and gross at the time and he was so pretty and also a ghost.
Awww this is a timely open thread topic for me because two of my best friends in the world were visiting from far far away last week and I’m missing them like crazy.
Relatedly, does anyone else have a really complicated relationship with nostalgia? Me and these friends and some other of my NYC friends have a lot of nostalgic memories from being broke post-college drunks in Williamsburg together, and I find that when we’re all together one of my friends always wants to play songs we were crazy about then and generally revel in the nostalgia, and it makes me kind of sad and uncomfortable and just reminds me too much of how everything’s different now. Especially because of how much that neighborhood has changed, even visiting our old favorite haunts just makes me sad. I feel that the less I think about how things were and the more I can just be in the moment and make new memories with my friends in our new lives, the better I feel. But I don’t want to be like ‘um, can we not listen to this song that is clearly really meaningful to you in this moment?”. . .and I wonder if maybe this painful relationship with nostalgia means I’m not fully invested or satisfied in the life I’m living now, or something. Curious if any other toasties know what I’m talking about here.
I kind of know what you mean? I have a friend from college and while we do new things and talk about our current lives, a lot of our conversations end up heading in that “So haha remember that time….” direction and sometimes it’s fun, like when we let her now-fiance in on our hijinks, but most of the time it’s just…..if reminiscing is the only way we can have a conversation, why are we still friends?
Is there a way to maybe make new inside jokes or a new “song” or something? Like when she starts talking about that time or playing that music, let it go on for a few minutes then bring up something you did together more recently? Keep refocusing things to the more-recent past or the present?
I’m glad I’m not the only one with this issue! Fortunately there isn’t too much ‘why are we even still friends’ going on, because the friend who does this the most actually still lives near me, so it only really comes up when the friends who have moved away are visiting. I think a lot of it is there also happens to be a lot of baggage between these particular people, and this visit was particularly beautiful because everyone actually managed to just put everything aside and focus on the new, and it feels like friendships are blossoming because we’re all just deciding to not hold on to old stuff and be the same people we were. I guess I felt like those new inside jokes were forming, but I felt a little bad that my other friend kept trying to do the nostalgia stuff and we didn’t all latch onto it the way he wanted.
I know exactly what you’re talking about, but I think nostalgia, once you’re old enough to really experience it, is sort of inherently bittersweet. Because no matter how you try to recreate a time and place, it can never be the same. I don’t know, but I think about this a lot, too.
Yeah, I’m not at all nostalgic because I don’t like the idea of only one time of my life being awesome and ignoring the here and now. Though, I think I’m the extreme end of your friends because I tend to not remember anything. The past is a blur. I am but a ghost.
Haha I have similar forgetfulness problems! A lot of this group’s nostalgia focuses on this One Summer, which was an amazing summer but I was also working basically two full-time jobs and drinking a ton and not eating enough and not getting along great with my best friend, so it’s very blurry and complicated for me. There was a terribly awkward moment when this girl I did not recognize at all gave me a biiiiig hug, and apparently she was around a ton that summer but I had no memory of her whatsoever.
I have a similar issue in that my dude loves to wallow in nostalgia for his days as a Brooklyn dirtbag, and I get really sort of melancholy like it’s taking away the value of the moment we’re in. But, realistically I know it’s not so much that he doesn’t like where his life has gone, but rather is sad that life forces you to choose a path and you have to abandon some others to move on. So I think of it more as a mourning for his parallel dirtbag life he chose not to live, not so much a wishing to return.
I think it sounds like you ARE fully invested in the life you’re living now, and that is why you want to be in the moment rather than wandering around in the past. But I am not sure how to communicate that to the friend, unless you could say something about building new memories, or just redirect onto new things? It sounds complicated.
Oh, I know that feeling all too well. It happens the most when I gather with people who studied abroad with me — if more than two or three of us are together, the conversation almost inevitably ends up just a festival of nostalgia and reminiscing, and the whole night becomes a look back to our year abroad rather than actually catching up with our current lives. It’s been over 10 years, as well, and we’ve all heard these stories what has to be millions of times by now. But it’s just so easy, and that year was (in all our minds) the best time of our lives, so it’s very easy to get into that phase. But I know we’ve all ALSO had conversations of “I wish we didn’t always fall back into it so easily,” because we do want to catch up and know what’s going on NOW, what we’re all working on NOW, and some of us don’t want to always sit and wallow in the inevitable sadness that comes from dwelling on something you loved and people you miss. It’s hard to be that one that goes, “Hey, guys, can we not?” though, and I don’t think anyone’s ever been able to muster up the will to actually change the topic once the nostalgia starts. I honestly don’t know how.
In which EnchiladaTaco complains about Ok Cupid again:
I finally had a cute, gainfully employed, age appropriate man message me and ask me out! Huzzah! Then he never wrote back. No huzzah. This seems to happen quite a bit – I’m not sure if guys have multiple lines in the water, so to speak, and this guy decided to go chase down a more interesting/attractive fish, or what, but I hate it when you’re having what seems to be a fun convo that will lead to meeting and he ghosts.
I was having a really fantastic conversation with someone last week that ended with exchanging of phone numbers, but then I read his profile for a second (third?) time and saw that he was looking for just friends. Which, boo, why are you on a dating site if you only want friends, but yay friends?
Ugh, I hate that too. However, my motto for Okc in general is “everyone is insane and nothing is personal”. There is never any rhyme or reason to why people disappear, or who responds to your messages, or who messages you. . .trying to figure it out will make you go nuts and be terrible for your self esteem. I mean, maybe he found another fish more interesting/attractive, or maybe another fish just happened to share his very particular hobby, or maybe his ex girlfriend reappeared out of nowhere or maybe he was hit by a cement mixer, yknow?
He’s not your equal. He does not deserve you. You found that out sooner than expected. It sucks, but I see it as better than investing an evening to learn he’s beneath you.
I almost was killed, I am very upset! I had a birthday gift card to dispose of and I was at a Nordstrom and a frightening woman with an indeterminate European (or South American? or from the land of imagination?) accent waylaid me among the perfumes and demanded I tell her what I liked.
now, I have many and strong opinions about this and I like, in particular, Mona di Orio’s Vanille (their ad copy says it smells like oranges and sandalwood stored in the hold of a ship filled with vanilla beans and bourbon casks and it more or less does) and Serge Lutens’ Jeux de Peau (smells like croissants and, if I dare to say so, buttered TOAST) and Annick Goutal’s Eau de Charlotte and Ninfeo Mio (smells like blackberry jam with bitter cocoa and figs, milk and lemons, respectively) and I hate almost everything else in the world and especially things that are sweet (the aforementioned ones are, but only as much as they absolutely have to be.) I had a men’s cologne phase but I am mostly over it.
when I am accosted by a shop assistant this comes out more like “I like…things” but I can’t help that.
SO she says LET ME PUT THE NEW TORY BURCH ON YOU THEN and I am so confused that I allow it. I say that I don’t really like it and I just want to look around and smell things and she says LET ME PUT DOLCE AND GABBANA’S LIGHT BLUE ON YOU, it is very light and citrusy — so, everything that I hate, it is the most popular of the piss perfume genre, I am sorry, that is crude but that is what they are.
then I try to get away but she will not let me go, it is like running in a nightmare when you are walking in quicksand, and another saleswoman is there and I think she may rescue me but the first one says, SHE LIKES LIGHT THINGS, SOMETHING CLEAN-SMELLING AND BRIGHT, and I say, I think out loud, no, that is the opposite of what I like, you are a monster, will you not listen, and she says, COME OVER TO THE JO MALONE TABLE AND TRY THIS ELIXIR OF TEA AND CUCUMBER, IT SMELLS OF NOTHING, LITERALLY OF “THE NOTHING” FROM THE NEVERENDING STORY, YOU REMEMBER HOW IT ATE ALL SOULS. and I say no, please, stop, OH, YOU DON’T LIKE THAT, TRY THE CLEAN LAUNDRY SCENT, IT SMELLS LIKE THE SWAMPS OF SADNESS, and finally I break free and run away like the devil is chasing me, which is silly, because I am sure she was bound to her kingdom by whatever power cursed her and can only devour anyone who freely enters but cannot pursue when they leave.
I think she might have thought I was there to shoplift since I had a nordstrom bag with me already and looked pretty scruffy and if that was the case, I can only applaud her extreme dedication but deplore her methods. you don’t put Light Blue on a person unless they have already been tried and convicted, it isn’t fair.
I’m sorry about your near-tragedy, but I’m hella gonna pick up a sample of Ninfeo Mio based on your description alone, it sounds like I wanna just wallow in it forever.
oh it is nice! After I found it I thought it was the fig I liked so I tried samples of Diptyque’s Philosykos and L’Artisan’s Premier Figuer, but they are both much flatter, sweeter, and less interesting — Ninfeo Mio has this sort of milky clarity and sharp lemon underneath, it is fascinating. they say it is unisex but I don’t know about that.
(perfume is hard for me because what I like is so at odds with my self-conception, my picturesque idea of what I think a person like me would like. at least I really do hate florals and clean musks, that’s not just a put-on to feel tough.)
I’m new to the whole perfume world and I’m terrified to go into a shop to try stuff, so I’ve been amassing a tiny dragon’s hoard of tiny 1 & 2ml vials, like, my whole drop dresser drawer is nothing but tiny packets and I kind of secretly love it.
oh yeah, I don’t know how many tiny vials I ordered from Luckyscent and the Perfumed Court before I found the first thing I liked, probably close to a hundred. I really do hate almost everything but I feel mysteriously compelled to keep looking & I can read perfume ad copy and perfume reviews until my eyeballs fall out, I believe everything is perfect and amazing right up until I smell it.
I’ve never actually bought anything from a physical storefront because I can’t make a decision on the spot, I am completely incapable of it. I was in New York a few months ago and I walked by Aedes de Venustas but was too afraid to go inside, how embarrassing.
okay so I know this is a late response but I just got in Ninfeo mio yesterday and I’m wearing it today and it is AMAZING oh my goshhhhhhhh thank you so much, now I have to save up money to buy an actual bottle.
I’m so glad you like it! The review that first made me try it was one that linked to pictures of the Ninfa gardens, which it’s supposed to smell like
http://www.fondazionecaetani.org/gallery.php?s_ID…
amazing is right
Am very sorry for your brush with death, but am laughing at this post, especially:
because I am sure she was bound to her kingdom by whatever power cursed her and can only devour anyone who freely enters but cannot pursue when they leave.
It’s even funnier (sorry for your woes, queenofbithynia!) if you read it as an offshoot of the Fallen London thread.
let us go together, you and I, devotees of the “perfume that actually smells like SOMETHING” school; we’ll laugh and laugh as we spray bottles of Tauer and Lutens and Kurkdjian, ignoring the Malones and Burches and endless celebrity releases….god now I want to go perfume shopping but only somewhere they will ignore me until I need them!
Serge Lutens bewilders me because I hate 9 out of 10 things I sample of his, really deeply hate them, they make me want to murder my wrists, but I keep trying them. Rahat Loukoum is too sweet to endure for long but I do like it; Chene is my second favorite of his and my favorite for fall because it smells like someone spilled maple syrup in a cedar chest.
and I read some bad reviews of Orpheline but I cannot wait to try it because the ad copy is the most amazing drug-dream misandrist fantasia I ever read, at least if you edit out the iffier parts:
“From what to my eyes was officially required: the army, authority, power, order, moralism, yes. I was at war with the Male: Maleficence. It can be expected that from this moment, I invent a woman and bring us up to date, it is the baptism of blood. […] this territory which I denied was that of men. …
The father is the declared enemy. I was hatred on Earth, on Father. Of the mother I was the figurehead, and of the father the assassin. “
I mean I don’t think from the descriptions of it that I will like it very much but it is definitely what I will wear when I go out to deal vengeance on man-kind.
that sounds way too circle-of-hellish for my tastes. Glad you escaped!!
“Jeux de Peau”
there… there is a perfume called “skin games”???
D:
you bet there is
and it smells like a bakery. but not at all like you’re thinking, if you’re thinking of anything that is not wonderful. serge lutens is a funny fellow.
yep I was going to Octobery interpretations of that phrase for sure
I’m legitimately sorry about your horrible experience, but your narrative is giving me reason to live.
Sooo, not to detract from your excellent and terrifying narrative, but pls to tell me more about Jeaux de Peux. I used to wear Datura Noir and Bois Vanille from our buddy Serge, but then got into a thing where nothing smelled good to me except Love, Chloe and Narciso for Her , but am perhaps ready to inch back into the perfume game again.
(I will say this, the two I mentioned above at least don’t have that terrible sweet, fruity note that’s infected everything the past few years. Love, Chloe smells like your imaginary French grandmother’s absurdly expensive body powder, and Narciso just smells like skin and musk)
let me put in the disclosure that all my thoughts and feelings about it are almost a year old since I got a sample of it last fall, used it all, and haven’t ordered a replacement yet for this fall. (the colder it gets, the sweeter and stronger the smells I can tolerate – this is not thick or oppressive or anything like that but I couldn’t possibly wear it in summertime or even spring.) It has these faint notes of sandalwood and apricot under the breadiness; I wouldn’t be able to tell you this without having read it somewhere but I think there is liquorice and immortelle in there too. not as distinct notes I can pick out without being told to look for them,, but when I say it smells like a bakery it is the furthest thing from a simple sweet smell. It smells like a complicated pastry from a faraway place.
I said something above about my self-conception vis-a-vis perfume and this is probably the one above all others that broke my conviction of myself as a person who hates sweet perfumes – I thought I did, I sometimes still unthinkingly say I do, but what I really hate is Bath and Body Works and cheap fake vanilla and mass-market feminine smells. whereas sweet perfumes like this are the best thing in the world.
Of the ones you list I’ve only smelled Datura Noir — can’t really wear it but I do like it.
edit: but my problem, and I hope it is not also your problem, is I am helplessly suggestible. you can tell me the most beautiful perfume in the world smells like bug spray and I start to fear it is true. so I read ONE COMMENT one place about Jeux de Peau smelling like buttered popcorn and it took me a long time to get over it. that is an uncharitable comparison but if you were to dislike it, that might be something you would say about it.
My reply to your post was exiled to the bottom of another page.
<fuming perfumista>
I am so sorry I missed this earlier because I will totally talk perfume for HOURS. My taste runs more towards patchouli/dirt/incense but I loved Eau de Charlotte when I tried it. I heard it hadn’t fared well in recent reformulations. I’m glad to hear that’s wrong, hopefully that’s true of the other Goutal’s I really liked: Eau d’Hadrian and Eau de Camille. Have you tried L’Heure Bleue? It smells like, I don’t know, melancholy cupcakes? But in the best way possible. It’s sweet but nothing like a sweet celebrity perfume. Speaking of celebrity perfumes, how about Tilda Swinton’s Like This? It’s kind of hard to describe, it has a bit of florals, but it’s mostly a completely non-gormande pumpkin perfume. It’s totally bizarre and surreal but very wearable.
Also, if anyone ever gets the chance to spend some time in Vancouver, the Perfume Shoppe there is fantastic. The owner basically sits you down, asks you piles of questions about what you like and dislike, then picks out perfumes for you to try. She decoded my sister’s “I want one that’s like a light floral, but I hate light florals and really only like dark, heavy, masculine perfumes” request.
In other perfume news, I was at a meeting yesterday and the guy sitting next to me was wearing one of the ones I wear all the time (Jo Malone’s Sweet Lime and Cedar). I think it smells better on me, though.
reformulated?? this modern world frightens and confuses me! My bottle of Eau de Charlotte is the second oldest perfume I own, it must be more than 10 years old – I only wear it in the dead of winter, it is a snow perfume [1] for wearing in quiet cold attics — and I was thinking I should get a new one even though it’s still half full because it’s a clear bottle and I keep it near a lamp and I never know what to believe about light and time decaying and degrading perfumes. I don’t know if it’s very different now, it better not be.
I have not smelled L’Heure Bleue, I have a problem with Guerlain. that problem is that I tried samples of Mitsouko and Shalimar and they smelled, both of them, within seconds, sour and fetid and like the armpit of someone very wicked. Mitsouko was more unbearable but Shalimar was more heartbreaking because I spritzed it on a tester paper first and I almost liked it there, I was intrigued, it only turned after putting it on. so I am afraid of ruining one more great classic by putting it on me. it is a shame because I read all these florid descriptions of the great Guerlains and they sound very much up my alley but then I find them and they turn out to be monstrous. (I’ve never smelled a Chanel I could stand either — though I haven’t smelled many. it’s strange.)
I like patchouli too, kind of a lot, especially on other people, I feel a little guilty about it. I tried Angel pretty recently, I had somehow never smelled it before, and I really liked about half of it, the chocolate-patchouli half.
I’ve never tried the Tilda but it’s on my list! my serious interest in all this business is only about a year old and I have the zeal of the newly converted but there are so many things I haven’t tried yet. that is my problem with salespeople, even the best ones – they want to bring you a curated list of things they think you will like but I want to smell everything.
[1] sorry I am being such a giant perfume ponce
yes, me too! (sorry, very late to this thread but I love perfume). Serge Lutens is exactly what I feel like I ought to like/someone like me would like, but everything of his I’ve tried has been actively terrible on me. It is good to know I am not the only one!
Perhaps we have similar tastes/skin chemistry? I will try your Ninfeo Mio, thanks for the lovely description, and now that no one else will probably see this comment besides you, would offer in return the anise and vanilla woodsiness of Lolita Lempicka. Descriptions don’t really do it justice — the combination strangely addictive and wonderful. Even though it’s meant to be a woman’s scent I think personally it is good as unisex.
Also, I feel you would like Safran Troublant, by L’artisan Parfumeur (who are hit-or-miss but can be really nice). That one is strangely comforting. A little sweet at first, but it dies down quickly to a good warm Troublant-ness.
I accidentally bought two massive cabbages this week. My thought process must have gone thusly: ‘Ooh! Cabbages for 99c each! What a bargain!’ Two days later, same shop: ‘Ooh! Cabbages for 99c each! What a bargain!’
So now I’m looking for all manner of fun and tasty things to make with cabbage! It’s not even one of the interesting kinds of cabbages, either. It’s the boring green drumhead type. I think it might be the time to try making bubble and squeak.
Here’s my recipe for people who think they hate cabbage:
Cook some red lentils in a pot with salt, pepper, turmeric, and cumin. While they’re cooking, fry some cumin seeds in oil in a gigantic pot. Then fry some onions, then add the head of cabbage, chopped, and fry for 10-20 minutes, until it’s brownish and soft. Add the lentils to the cabbage. Super easy, super tasty, keeps very well!
This looks very doable and I have all of those ingredients! Yum, thanks!
It’s unexpected, but cooking cabbage via frying brings out all these lovely warm melty flavors you don’t really realize cabbage has. Hope it works out!
Yup – I slow cook some onions in butter (more butter than you think appropriate) then when they’re all brown and melty I add some chopped up cabbage and let that cook down. Sometimes I fry it hard and fast so it browns up, sometimes I go for a slow melty approach and it’s equally delicious both ways. (Season w/plenty of salt, some pepper, and cracked caraway seed.)
Oh, wow. That sounds divine.
I also put in white wine and some red pepper.
That sounded so good, that that’s what I made for dinner tonight. (With some turmeric and mustard powder, since I was out of caraway seed. Which isn’t the same thing at all, but turned out to be really good.)
Making this this week!
All the coleslaw!
Oh, yes. Coleslaw is definitely on the cards. Although since my children won’t touch it, I can imagine that the Handsome Sidekick and I would get pretty sick of it, pretty quickly… one more reason to look forward to children getting just that little bit older!
Smitten Kitchen’s slaw recipe from the cookbook is amazing and very different from those mayonaisey ones your kids probably hate:
http://passportsandpancakes.com/blog/2012/12/10/s…
I love smitten kitchen, and I checked out the recipe – definitely something *I* would like… unfortunately, though, I think it’s more the presence of cabbage, rather than mayonnaise that my children are so averse to!
CABBAGE ROLLS. We have eaten nothing but cabbage rolls for days now and it is amazing.
I shall find a recipe. Thanks!
Do they freeze well? It seems like they’d freeze well.
Very well! I had previously-frozen cabbage rolls just now for lunch.
All the sauerkraut recipes I found online are either for 2 cups of kraut or ALL THE KRAUT but this one has the ratios you need.
http://wellnessmama.com/663/homemade-sauerkraut/
Add some herbs and some caraway seeds before you put it aside for a few weeks. You can put in some sliced onion, too.
When a month has passed, pour out half the salt water and replace it with broth. Cook it and then put it in the fridge.
I can’t believe I haven’t been looking for sauerkraut recipes, because I just recently was reading about how to make it and thought I’d like to try it out (lots of those fermenty type goodies which most of apparently lack in our bodies). Thank you!
I love this recipe for baked spring rolls. It doesn’t use much cabbage as written, but the rolls freeze well, so you could make a huge batch.
I really like this idea. Also it’s baked, so less chance of my burning myself with hot oil! Yay! Also I think the children would probably get into them… thank you!
Happily, a whole (not cut up) raw cabbage head can last for awhile. You don’t need them eat them all this week, or even the next two weeks.
I’m fond of cabbage steaks to dispose of the big boring green ones. Something mysterious happens to cabbage when you roast it. I mean it’s not that mysterious, it’s the Maiilard reaction, but roasted cabbage becomes unexpectedly rich, nutty, earthy, and sweet. The recipe I linked has almost nothing on it because it doesn’t need anything. But I sometimes dust on a little ground mustard or coriander seed to up the ante a bit.
That looks so simple and tasty. And yeah, I can imagine putting coriander seed on it, too. Cumin might go well too. Ooh, dried chillies…
Sauteed cabbage with peanut sauce! Sooooo good!
Alas! Peanut anything gives me terrible indigestion. Boo! But I can appreciate the deliciousness, even if I cannot partake.
If you eat meat, you can make hollapse, which is beef wrapped up in cabbage leaves. You then pour tomato sauce over the leaves and bake it. Instant casserole (almost.)
Hmm, that is not a bad idea. I reckon I might even be able to convince the Handsome Sidekick to try that.
Roasted with olive oil and salt, then tossed with crunchy noodles either with bacon or whatever strong flavouring you like.
Yes, I like the sound of this! Thank you!
Cabbage is awesome for bulking up anything that needs crunch and fiber. I like it sliced thinly and added to grain salads or my nightly couscous-egg-greens dinner. Seconding the “it’ll keep for-freaking-ever” thoughts here, too.
But! If I’m feeling decadent, I love to use it in pizzoccheri, which is essentially long flat noodles (you don’t have to do traditional buckwheat, you can just use fettuccine), sliced cabbage, boiled chopped potatoes, with a brown butter and sage sauce. The Rachel Ray method (I know, I know), calls for cooking the pasta, potatoes, and cabbage all in the same pot. As a person who hates doing dishes more than cooking inauthentic recipes, this appeals to me.
I am a huge fan of barely-cooked and raw cabbage because I feel very ‘clean’ after eating it, but I absolutely love one-pot meals, and apparently if you cook things in with the pasta it gives the whole dish more flavour. So Rachel Ray, for all her faults, was probably onto something!
I couldn’t resist:
Yep. They’re all at my house.
CABBAGE!
Someone once told me that every single woman should have a cabbage in her fridge because you can just cut pieces off as you go and eat them and the cabbage will keep, slowly being chipped away at by your single self, and that was very sad and kind of turned me off cabbage for a while, but I’m back into it BIG TIME.
Cabbage with noodles and sour cream and poppy seeds mmmm.
And also cabbage just added to other things. My sister adds raw cabbage to pasta sauce right at the end, for crunch, and it’s awesome.
I grilled some cabbage recently, and it was interesting. But turned quite bitter, like raddicchio, so you have to be into that.
But yeah, cabbage.
Oh, wow. That is very sad. Because obviously as a single woman, you would never have friends over/go out to eat and so would be sitting there, lonely, in the dark, slicing off bits of cabbage and eating it at the table on your own. I’m not surprised you were turned off for a while!
The sour cream thing is interesting. My mum does something like that but with orange juice or something? I’ll have to ask her.
Pittsburgh Toasties: Our first meeting was a hit! Four of us met at the Carnegie Art/Natural History museum and talked for like three hours rather than actually exploring the museum. This despite none of us being noted icebreakers, I think!
Plans for future meet-ups can still be found in this Google Doc, or you can email me at [my username] at gmail dot com to be added to the extremely ad-hoc mailing list I’m keeping! No plans are currently in the works, I think, other than meowmischen and I going to Carnegie Library After Hours tonight, so if you already have tickets to that, maybe see you there?? But there will definitely be plans in the future!
I’m so glad I came back through the Open Thread, lo, these million days later! Have sent you an email.
Someone reassure me that breaking up with a friend is a thing that is okay to do at any time for any reason.
Literally any reason is fine. There are 7 billion people on the planet, and even if there were only two people, you have no obligation to spend thought on someone who makes you feel bad, even a little.
As someone that has had to do that more times than I would like, an emphatic Yes.
Wanting to is enough. Same as with dates.
absolutely, 100% ok.
Yup, in the immortal words of Dear Sugar, “You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough.”
Also, be good to yourself and take the time you need to recover. We don’t always treat friend breakups with the weight that they deserve; depending on how close you were to the person, they can be so painful.
This will actually be my SECOND friend breakup with this person, and I am definitely hoping it’s less painful than the first was, yeesh.
Ugh, I’m so sorry. Sending hugs.
Sometimes you have to break up a few times before it sticks. Wanting to break up is indeed good enough reason!
Yeah, my worst break ups have been platonic friends and not romantic partners. Definitely take the time to mourn and move on.
Yes. Take to the sea.
I have stayed in friendships that would have ended much sooner had they been romantic relationships, because for some reason I was willing to accept certain behaviors in “friends” that I would NEVER tolerate in romantic partners. You deserve to be happy, safe, loved – all of that good stuff! If a friendship is not giving you those things, or if for any reason you want to leave – please do. You deserve better.
Yessss. The breakdown of a longstanding friendship was the thing that finally got me into therapy last month, actually. We don’t have any good narratives of either how to end a friendship well or how to maintain a friendship — they’re supposed to just happen, even more so than romance! Ugh. Anyway, massive sympathy and and good thoughts for you, logicbutton.
1000% OK because you are an adult woman and dont have to invite everyone to your party. Hell, you dont even have to THROW a party.
Yes.
Breaking up with a friend is a thing that is okay to do at any time for any reason. It really is!
It is.
REASSURED.
I call it the Friendship Inventory, and it seems to happen to me in great spurts over the course of my adult life. There was a big unintentional purging in my early 20s when I started to discern the difference between people who had great qualities and people I spent a lot of time with but who were also dipshits. There was another one a few years later when I moved away and returned and realized I had changed and didn’t have things in common with some of my old friends. There was another one when I stopped drinking like it was a competitive sport and discovered that drunk people are really annoying when I’m sober.
It still happens even now. Sometimes a friend will do something that makes me think, “Whoa, that behavior is not the kind of thing I want to be around.” Sometimes it’s as simple as not enjoying someone’s company anymore. Or just losing touch. It’s a weird thing about getting older, but the people we choose to keep are, hopefully, people with whom we have mutually supportive, fun, loving, happy relationships.
Echoing the sentiment that it absolutely is.
UGH! Having a “life is grand” week…. thanks all y’all for being a part of it!
I’m also seeking some musical inspiration. I’mpreparing to make a piece for a pole dance competition in April, and am thinking that I would like to do a post-war French chanteuse type of theme. I love “La Foule” by Edith Piaf, but would love to hear some other pieces that the Toast feels would also be 1.) of that genre and 2.) have good energy like La Foule, that would lend itself to interesting dance.
Is this a ridiculously narrow request?
Maybe look into Josephine Baker?
Slightly earlier than what you’re looking for, but I love this one: Mon amant de Saint-Jean.
Also, you’ll need some Juliette Gréco, obviously.
There’s also Fréhel, but this song might be a bit slow.
And on the camper side, maybe Dalida? Something like Gigi L’Amoroso?
Yes! Seconding Fréhel or similar!
Also, poppy, easier to dance to: Françoise Hardy?
Or France Gall’s “Laisse tomber les filles”?
Ok, I’ve thought of another (super late, though, sorry): “Moi je joue” by Bardot. Saucy!
I’m so late today! Share your crafts, crafty friends 🙂
Here’s my finished doily thing. It’s misshapen, but whatever!
I love this. It’s an excellent example of the best use of one’s tattiing talents.
I finished a scarf and it only has a couple of wonky bits where i screwed up
I love your Fuck Off doily!
It looks beautiful! I can’t tell if there are any wonky bits, so no worries there.
Awww, I almost feel bad about following up to that with something unironically cute.
Nevertheless: two cross-stitches for my younger kid’s room, finished in time for a big sale on framing at Michael’s and his *cough*third*cough* birthday.
(Any cross-stitchers here? It’s not very popular these days, I know. Anyway, for those who this will mean something, I did these over 2 on evenweave instead of Aida and added quarter-stitches to make the areas under/near backstitching look nicer. You can click to embiggen, if you really want.)
Those are so cute! I would love to learn to cross stitch. Did you teach yourself?
Thanks!
I did, when I was a kid. Pretty much your threshold for “looks good!” is “all stitches go in the same direction” and “no big lumpy knots on the back,” so it’s pretty simple. => There are bunches of tips for making it look _great_ to close inspection, but start with the basics and see if you like it.
Happy to chat about it, but don’t want to overwhelm you or tell you things you already know–let me know if you want more information or whatever!
I want more info! I want to learn a handicraft, and all the people around me are knitters and sewers, so I want something to *add* to our collective awesomeness. Cross-stitch (is that the same as needlepoint?) has appealed to me for A WHILE.
I believe that needlepoint is different, uses different stitches and different fabric.
Okay! Cross-stitching 101, made up on the spot by me.
You can either find a pattern you like and get the cloth and thread you need for it, or you can buy it all together in a kit. (These days kits are harder to find in general craft stores.) There are also two kinds of kits, the kind with blank fabric and a chart (“counted cross stitch”) and the kind with the picture printed on the fabric that you stitch over (“stamped cross stitch”).
If you’re assembling stuff to make a pattern you’ve found, I’d recommend starting with Aida fabric, because it’s simpler. You want a tapestry needle, because it’s blunt; if you’re using the most common Aida size, which is 14, try size 24 or 26. And you want embroidery floss, the kind that comes with six plies or strands (for stitching on 14 Aida, you’ll want two of those strands); DMC is the biggest name here.
You’ll probably also find it easiest, to start, to have a hoop or frame to hold the fabric. A kit may come with a hoop, and hoops are generally the easiest to find in general craft stores. (There are lots more options, but: basics.)
The actual stitching is super simple. Aida fabric is all nice neat little squares with holes at each corner. Push your needle up through a hole from the back, then bring it down through the hole that’s kitty-corner to the one you started from, making the bottom part of the X. If you think of your square’s corners numbered clockwise, you come up at 3 and come down at 2:
12
34
If you’re doing a row of stitches, it’s easier and faster to do all the bottom parts first. So bring your needle up at 4–it’s part of the same block–and then make another diagonal stitch, until you’re done that row in your pattern:
/ / / / /
At the end of the row, come up again at 4 but this time cross the stitch by making a diagonal in the opposite direction (go down at 1), then repeat:
Et voila! You now have, err, five neat little X’s of thread.
Here are some things that affect a project’s complexity and difficulty, which you may want to consider when picking something to try–you know your own tolerance for diving in the deep end!
* size
* how many different colors
* are those colors mostly in their own areas or are they all mixed up
* besides cross-stitch and backstitch (used to outline: it’s the brown in the polar bears), does it look like it uses any other stitches? beads?
There are lots of tutorials and things online, but they seemed to have pretty wildly varying levels of information, so I figured I’d make my own attempt at what I thought the real basics were.
I’d love to know if you start a project, and I’d love other people to chime in with what they think are the essentials for someone just starting out!
This is THE ENTIRETY of what you need to know to cross-stitch.
I’ve heard that the left-handed weirdos among us sometimes prefer to make their stitches begin at 4 and go up to 1… and that’s also fine! You just want to make sure they’re all made in the same way so the stitches look consistent.
Yes, exactly, I just did it that way because that’s how I do it and if I tried to say it differently I knew I would mess it up. Whichever way you want! As long as they’re all the same and you’re using the same holes for adjoining stitches.
THIS WAS AWESOME. Thank you.
Yay! Glad to hear it. Good luck, and keep us posted!
thank you! I did cross stitch (stamped) as a kid, and was too intimidated to try without the stamp. now I might try. but where can I buy supplies that isn’t hobby lobby?
For keeping track of things in the pattern I rely on two highlighters: yellow for the stitches I’m going to do next, and then orange/pink/blue over those when I’m actually done.
(I also grid my fabric, a la this tutorial but with all-rayon thread, but that’s super-boring and only for big projects or ones I know from experience are easy to get lost on.)
As for supplies, I don’t know where you are, but I think the term of art is “local needlework shop,” and that might get you some places on a web search? Like I said, I have Michael’s around me, which doesn’t have a lot any more (I don’t think they carry kits or patterns these days), but they at least have some fabric, floss, and hoops. And there are lots of online places carrying patterns etc. Good luck!
Needlepoint is different, in that it’s worked on a different canvas with thicker thread. With cross-stitch you’re embroidering onto fabric; with needlepoint you’re making a loose grid into fabric, if that makes sense. Because of the materials used, needlepoint is generally more expensive once you get out of the basic Dimensions kits – but the Dimensions kits are a great way to decide if you like doing it and want to get into spending $100 on hand-painted canvases. Jo-ann and Michaels carry needlepoint kits less frequently than cross-stitch kits, but they’re in the same place, just read labels carefully.
I cross-stitch!
I make nerdy pieces and also misandry cross-stitch and some day when I am better at accomplishing basic tasks I will set up an Etsy store.
Awesome!
I am about to attempt this bookmark–which design I have carefully modified to cut in length by almost 50%, because no book I own is that tall–stitched in the hand instead of on a frame, to see if I can get the hang of it. Because I am a process geek, basically. Also because it will be pretty and I like having small portable projects.
I am a cross-stiching evangelist. I like to spread the Good News about how it is so easy to learn that any sentient life form with opposable thumbs can do it. And my favorite subject is 8- and 16-bit video games, ALREADY PIXELATED FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE!
Those cute bears are probably a better subject for a tiny person who doesn’t remember Duck Hunt though. 🙂
YESSSS 8bit video game art. It’s like it was designed to be turned into snarky cross-stitch.
“Already pixelated for your convenience” is an excellent reason to choose a subject. =>
I suspect that sentient life forms without opposable thumbs could also cross-stitch with the appropriate technique or technology! => But yes, for me it manages to be both soothing and energizing, between the mechanical stitching and the counting, plus, making stuff is cool.
I cross-stitch! I’m working on a large Green Man right now that is by far the best kit I’ve ever bought for less than $10, and I’m designing an M is for Misandry sampler. Oh, and somewhere I’ve got a mostly-finished little Jacobean flower that needs some goldwork to finish it, but pffft, goldwork.
Cool! What’s goldwork, just adding metallic threads? I know & do blackwork but I suspect it’s different.
Goldwork is almost certainly a term that my brain spontaneously generated in parallel with blackwork; I did indeed mean the adding of metallic threads. Always a gigantic pain in my ass. (I realized, as I was sorting through my pile o’craft supplies today, that this is actually the second cross-stitch piece I have that’s lying around waiting for metallics. I hate couching. I hate it a lot.)
Seapartridge, that is AWESOME, love, love, love it! I am totally open swapping art for art….! Full disclosure: I have A Thing for saucy needlework. Something to do with [insert high-falutin’ art speak on feminist visual mediums here].
Oh my god I love it!
That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all day, and that even includes sunlit flame-colored autumn trees. I love it.
This is the best.
That is fantastic – I want one for my front door!
Seapartridge, I got your lovely postcard this week! The pink flamingo was a nice bright spot in a week made miserable by cold+cough. And I did not know my town had a Wiki entry, so I had to check it out. I never met the librarian but one of my dearest friends is her grandson, and she is remembered with great fondness 🙂
I love that you do filet crochet. I love even more that it says what just needs to be said.
Oh, it’s been a long time since I’ve read Rex Stout and I like this reminder.
I have a Serious Fondness for Lord Peter Wimsey.
For the classic hardboiled detective though, I am a Philip Marlowe girl, all the way.
HARRIET VANE 4EVA
Reading Gaudy Night rn and catching mad feels. Also catching mad existential crises. It is obvious that Peter and Harriet should be together, but ALSO, I am starting to think the only good and true calling is academia, and I should retreat forever into the university.
Talk to my sister (tenure-track prof at top liberal arts college) after a bad day to see how good and true her calling is. No, honestly, she would say she loves it, but it’s not any more immune to bureaucracy, bullshit or batshit craziness than any other profession. Even when someone isn’t trying to murder all the dons.
On latest re-read of Gaudy Night (i.e. probably re-read #25 or so), it occurred to me that the Lord Peter of Gaudy Night is Feminist Ryan Gosling – he’s just a tiny bit too perfectly calibrated to appeal to, well, me. Nothing can destroy my love of Gaudy Night, though. Despite the fact that actually, with the logical part of my brain, I think that Lord Peter’s pursuit of Harriet in those books is really screwed up, and thank God he acknowledges it and apologizes in Gaudy Night, but even so it’s kind of problematic that Harriet falls for him in the end – despite all that, I love those two, and the scene on the river is the hottest scene in all of literature. Also, I blame Gaudy Night for making me think for far too long that I should be a professor.
the Continental Op though
If you also like experimental forms as well as noir standards, you might like The Manual of Detection by Jedediah Berry. One of my favorite reads from last year!
PHILIP MARLOWE FOR EVER (EVEN TWO HOURS LATER).
(also, Lord Peter and HV, yaassss)
LADIES AND LADIES and okay, gentlemen, too (jk, boys, you know i luv u) SPORTSSSSS SPORTSSSSSS SPORTSSZ!!!111
Baseball can go kick rocks, but congrats to the Royals who…aren’t really all that good at baseball! But that’s baseball sometimes, and I hope to jeebus you all win the whole thing.
Mike Matheny, thank you for doing a shit job last night. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
C-A-P-S CAPS CAPS CAPS beat the shit out of the Devils last night. Weird goals, all our Swedish players scoring, Ovechkin scoring within a minute, it was a deeelight. We also beat up on Boston, which is always a good time, so I’m feelin pretty good so far. Stars beat the Pens with 2.9 seconds to go in regulation on a power play goal by Tyler Seguin. Favorite non-Cap right now: Tyler Seguin.
Are there any Jets fans out there? Are you okay? Do you need a hug? Can I hug you? Your starting quarterback can’t figure out west coast time, and your back-up freely admits he kinda doesn’t care, and that’s only part of how terrible you are. Seriously, free hugs, right here.
Interested to see how this turns out: http://deadspin.com/rugby-league-superstar-quits-…
Good luck, rugby dude! His highlights are pretty damn sick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embe…
Guys! Talk to me!
The Royals are playing the kind of baseball that I imagine used to be played by Union soldiers in between marching drills.
The Giants played a perfect Giants game, in the sense that they raised expectations and then decided to fuck up every single play they ran for the entire game. Sure, the Cruz injury is all everybody is talking about, but I think Eli now has permanent Manning-face, and no amount of physical therapy can fix that.
Giants, I love you, but you’re bringing me down. On the other hand, I’m looking forward to this Sunday’s game. Who will fuck it up more??
Imagining Eli Manning and Tony Romo playing catch is like seeing an elder god – the very absurdity and horror drives you mad.
Ugh, that injury to poor Victor Cruz. I like to think both teams will fuck up equally and we’ll have a tie!
Also, my lady recently became obsessed with LCD Soundsystem, so thank you for putting that song back in my head just when I got it out (they’re all in my head, every last one of them, she cannot stop playing them)
I quite like that description of Royals baseball.
The Giants! THE GIANTS.
I started that asshole Eli Manning over Tom Brady and Tony Romo (okay, so not the most consistent of choices) per the advice of EVERY FF COLUMNIST and the guy decided to go into Full Eli Derp Mode. WTF.
Sorry, I know you don’t care about my fantasy football team, but I had to share my own sympathy re. the Giants.
Been working in sports too much this week to see that many sports, strangely enough, but:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MIKE MATHENY AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Speaking of Segs (who is the grossest, but in a hilarious way), this trick shot video he did with Jamie Benn is really impressive and entertaining and charming. THE DONUT. (Also, the tattoo-drawing contest.)
hahaha Mike Matheny hahahaa
I would like to have a big and generous heart and root for the Royals, but I don’t know if I can. TOO HEARTBROKEN. Why did I let you do this to me, sports???
I know, friend. I’m not an O’s fan, but I was still super sad to see you guys lose. Giants vs. Royals, though, pretty easy choice: screw the Giants. What sucks is, I’m pretty sure the goddamn Giants will win. Royals have won every game in the post season so far, so the law of averages is just not with them. I don’t see speed+defense+”finding ways to win” working much longer. They have 15 in-field hits in the post-season! 15! Every other team COMBINED has 16! That can’t last. Hope I’m wrong.
And get swept, too, UGH. I agree with you re: the Royals, though, they’re undeniably good, but probably not good enough to go all the way. Some of their hits in the ALCS were just blind luck–that one that bounced off second base in game 4? We shall see!
The fun part is that I get to let my dad impart his wisdom about the long cycles of anticipation and disappointment that come from true loyalty. He was in college when the Pirates came back from a three-game deficit to beat the O’s in the WS. (“I was depressed for a month.”)
15 infield hits! That is not a thing that happens!
WTF was up with their luck? The ridiculous catches? The stupid broken bat hits that went their way???
Now, if we were on the other side of that, I would be estactic that we were going to the WS. But on the other side of it.. WTF?!?!
On the other hand, my love for Schoop grew from “meh?” to genuine thanks to his plays at 2nd base.
The catches, the crazy hitting, everything. I mean, fucking 15 in-field hits! I can’t stop saying it! It just. was. not. happening. for you guys.
Lady soccer lady soccer! Our ladies played Trinidad & Tobago in the first game of CONCACAF World Cup qualifying this week and looked like a HOT MESS. They only won 1-0 and nearly got scored on and it was weird and made me very nervous.
The Euro Cup qualifiers have been batshit and super entertaining but I’m ready for my Premier League fix this weekend.
This is exactly why Americans will never embrace soccer. Sure, Ghana may be a worthy rival, but Trinidad and Tobago?! I did a school project on them in the seventh grade, and all I remember is pretending I only had one arm like Horatio Nelson. And can you name one great jazz musician from T&T? I rest my case.
they weren’t even goooooooooooood it was embarrassing
Is 4-2-4 even a real formation?? I was trying to follow two other sporting events at once so I may have misread twitter, and I’m no soccer expert but…4-2-4?
I thiiiiiink they were playing a 4-3-3, actually. So it was weird, but not THAT weird. Although, maybe part of the apparent vacuum in the middle was Wambach drifting forward because that’s where she normally plays?
That game was DIRE. I don’t understand why they’re having problems with the line-up with such a talented roster.
Seriously! It’s not even that they’ve added any wild cards or done anything super crazy, even the “new” players have all been with the team for a decent amount of time.
I didn’t love the weird formation they were playing with Wambach in the midfield, but that doesn’t explain why every third pass went straight to the other team and no one could get a shot within 50 miles of the goal.
I was really despondent about my Os on Wednesday evening, but I have slowly been recovering since then as the pain fades and I remember the rest of the season. I may even recover enough to watch the World Series!
I am kicking ass in my fantasy league, which is swell.
Rugby (union or league) crossovers and the NFL! Let us all not forget that Haloti Ngata also played rugby (union) in high school, even though clearly his focused has been on American football. He was a no. 8 in case anyone cares.
To quote Adam Jones, right after game 4 ended, when asked what his take on the season was:
“It was fucking awesome”. And he’s right.
Oh yes–the hyperlink in the first sentence is a vine of him saying “fucking awesome,” on loop, forever.
It’s just so sad to me that it had to end like this. LIKE THIS! aaaahh
Haha, god I am an idiot, I actually said to myself “I’ll should check that link in a minute, I wonder what it is”
You should really look of the video of teenage Haloti Ngata with a rugby ball running over other teenagers though, it’s hilarious.
I am always delighted watching NFL caliber players steamroll their teenage counterparts in HS games, even though those other kids had no chance, no chance whatsoever. Like the Jadaveon Clowney videos.
YOU GUYS it is SO excited that my perennial underdogs, the Royals, have suddenly become America’s sweethearts! I am seriously starry-eyed for baseball these last couple months. Having to reschedule all my plans — because seriously, nobody ’round here plans weekends in October (okay, ever) around the Royals — ain’t even mad!
But… does this mean there are other Kansas City toasties? <3
I had a bit of a problem like that last year! I planned my wedding the first week of October, not thinking I was going to miss any Pirates baseball! I do not regret spending several nights of our honeymoon in our room at a Seattle B&B watching baseball.
I don’t know what you’re talking about, baseball is awesome. 😉
(OK even I am having a hard time getting too excited about my own damn team going to the world series for the third time in five years. I’m glad we won with a walk off homer from a guy who had been stuck in the minors and was about to find a new job this winter so he could support his family, but even he already has a ring from winning with the team in 2010. I don’t feel bad enough to root for an AL team, but if they lose it’ll be no big deal. Also we Giants fans are going to have to retire as unloved underdogs after this year.)
Yeaaah, sophia_h … three times in five years does not an underdog make. Go ahead. Cheer for the AL team. I’ll never tell. 😉
see I’m listening to Jon Miller’s calls for everything and crying over Ishikawa(da vida) and TIM HUDSON, and feeling AWFUL for how badly I want to win. I’M SORRY ROYALS, I AM. YOU SEEM VERY PLUCKY! but I want it. No
At least people are taking notice of the fact that Bruce Bochy is a genius. I said to my mom on the phone last night “I’d be so creepy if I saw him on the street now, I’d just hug him and cry ‘thank yooooou. I love youuuuu’.”
I was seeing Against Me! and Gaslight Anthem last night so I had to have my mother text me score updates and I’ve spent all day at work listening to KNBR’s podcasts of the postgame and I can’t stop smiling. I’m in breathless anticipation of going home and watching video highlights for an hour.
(And being able to watch the Blackhawks without offering them up as a sacrifice.)
My sports news: I picked up my football tickets today! I go to Ohio State and bought the Big Ten package, so tomorrow’s game will be the first of the year for me! And also the beginning of the end…I’m a senior. 🙁 But I’m SO EXCITED because I got my Michigan ticket too!!
Oh man, Maryland could NOT get out of their own way against you guys a couple weeks ago. Not that you weren’t going to win anyway, but jesus.
Have fun at the game!
Haha. I’m hoping for more of the same tomorrow – we’re playing Rutgers!
Well, Maryland and Rutgers are like the new kids in school who have to eat lunch together because the rest of the Big Ten is at the cool kids table, making fun of their dumb haircuts and out of style clothes, so it stands to reason you’ll beat them up real good behind the dumpsters after school, just like you did Maryland!
I have truly never found anything that works as well as the Revlon color stay ones. I’ve tried approximately one zillion red lip colors and none of them have stuck as well. My favorite Revlon is Relentless Raisin, and I’ve been wearing it since high school, and I love it.
Ones I’ve tried with zero luck: Hourglass (stayed sticky, never set), Stila lip stain (ok but couldn’t find a good color), Smashbox stain/gloss (doesn’t stain except where you don’t want it to), YSL “glossy stain” (stain?? hahahha no), Sheisedo laquer (good color but like the Hourglass, never set and came off everywhere), Makeup Forever aqua rouge (stays on ok for talking/drinking but don’t eat anything).
Ugh, Stila has such cute packaging (yeah, I’m shallow) but I don’t understand why their lipstick shades are so…limited. Everything seems to be purples or blue undertones or super pinky pinks and it all makes me look like death.
Yes, Revlon Colorstay is UNREAL. I’ve been using Endless Spice since I was in high school, which was (ack) almost ten years ago now.
I remember being stoked when I saw your user name on the ‘pin! Lily is terrific and surprisingly — considering that Archie has many a wildly misogynistic moment — very much a character. Not a “strong female character”, but a person, with strengths and weaknesses, whose actions sometimes pay off and sometimes backfire. There are moments in the books where they acknowledge the weird shit that her privilege leads her to do. She’s generous to other women. And I like the way she and Archie are with each other, and the way that changes over time.
This is @PRockette above, thanks for nothing Intense Debate:
I am DYINGGGGGG to talk to someone about Serial! So captivating! The week between episodes hurts. And I have been unsuccessful in my badgering others to start listening, so I’m all alone with my bucket of feels and crackpot theories. What are yours?
I am such an easy mark, I do not trust my gut in any way and outside of “most famous guest star on SVU = perp” I am terrible at mysteries, so I’m not sure what to make of the story. I don’t think the prosecution’s case was very strong, but I don’t buy into Adnan’s innocence completely. AMBIGUITY!
Can you use this as an excuse to take up residence on the couch with a blanket on your lap and a cat on the blanket, while your partner brings you hot beverages and you reread Jane Eyre? (Lewis Trondheim and Joann Sfar’s Dungeon comics are also good when you’re sick, but harder to get hold of perhaps.)
Hot water, lemon juice, slices of ginger, honey, cayenne pepper.
I don’t know who this is meant to be in reply to (thanks for nothing, Intense Debate) but I like to think it’s good advice for all of us this weekend. (Esp. if you add a little brandy to that hot drink.)
This week has been so hilariously awful that it would be SUPER funny and I am just so, so, so exhausted. Someone please encourage me that A) I will not be at my horrible job forever B) other jobs are also horrible C) other parents are also horrible and D) the rain will eventually stop. I am very lucky to have a husband who brings me ice cream and hugs unbidden, but he is also gone frequently and in a fairly high-stakes job of his own, so then occasionally I have a crying fit with a cat instead, which is not as satisfying because they try to run away.
Console me.
I am having the same kind of week. It has to be Saturday someday, right? This cannot possibly go on forever.
Very glad you have ice cream and a cat. You probably deserve 2x as much ice cream and additional cats.
Everything in the world is terrible but we all still have each other. <3 <3
Other parents are also horrible. As a child I was emotionally neglected and emotionally abused. Was hit once in a while. Was always afraid. I moved 1000 miles away from my parents and am very glad I did.
When your parents are taking more energy than you have budgeted for them, block them in any way you can. Stop responding. Stop thinking about them. Leave them to the isolation they earned.
Well, part of the issue is that my parents are not horrible in that way–I haven’t been neglected or abused or anything like that. They are generally nice people whom I have a functional relationship with, and I enjoy spending some time with, but manage to drive me crazy and hit all of my buttons and all that stuff. Which is why I never feel comfortable partaking in “my parents are HORRIBLE” discussions because it’s always about people whose parents are truly horrible/abusive/neglectful in whatever way–my parents are decent people who just make me particularly insane because I’m related to them.
But right now your parents require more energy than you can spare, right? It’s OK to give them a quick text or vmail to say, “I have no time just now. Sorry. Talk to you next week.”
Parents are demanding. Even thought they’re just being themselves. And, really, it’s cosmic payback for when we children were so relentlessly demanding as infants. It’s OK to put off responding to their demands.
You know what’s awesome about rain? Snails. They are cute and all but are major garden pests, so my mom used to encourage me to kill every single snail I saw. One day I went around the neighborhood with my baseball bat and squished them all. Highly satisfying if you are a bratty little kid, and also as a grouchy grown-up.
omg the outside of my building is infested with snails and I always try to squish them. SO SATISFYING. (Also the indoors of said work is infested with flies and it is SO FUCKING GROSS so that’s also satisfying.)
If I could insert an awesome CleverManka GIF here, I would; instead, here’s an internet hug (if thatz OK). As for Life, it can definitely blow HARD but it sounds like you got yourself tied firmly to the mast, so suck it, stormy high sea weather.
And cats: buck up, your buddy is sad. (Loves animals, picks up kitties when no-one is looking and showers them with love).
Hugs for you! Hope you find a new job soon. My job is not horrible, but I’ve been sucking at it lately and am convinced that everyone will find out the truth soon, AKA that I AM A GIANT FRAUD, so that is unnerving and anxiety-producing.
I was at my mom’s last weekend to help her get ready to sell her house (my childhood home). It was super-stressful and reminded me of all the terrible parts of my childhood, and also reminded me of all kinds of stories/memories of my dad, who passed away last summer in a horrible accident. My mom isn’t terrible, but she is passive-aggressive and allergic to being direct about anything, which is not ideal in any situation.
Who is that guy? He looks familiar.
I would be happy to knead your leg and stare at you with intensity while you cry, and I’ll wear protective clothing so you can cry without mussing my fur. Hope it gets better, and I believe it will, too.
I have a friend dilemma. Basically, I hung out with a friend who then sent me an email detailing the things I had done to upset her during our hang out. Some of them are legit (aka things that I also don’t like about myself and would like to do differently), but some of them are, I feel, just how I am. I think that maybe she actually doesn’t want to be friends with me, the person I actually am, and not the person she wants me to be. We have had conversations about some of these dynamics in the past (basically, she thinks I’m bossy and condescending) in a work context, but we haven’t worked together in a few years. It also really bothers me that she was SUPER friendly and acted like she was having a good time when she was actually very upset with me, which I think is part of who she is that I don’t like that I’m not sure if it’s fair to ask her to change.
What say you, Toasties? Am I just being bitter about getting called out? What’s a good way to approach this?
Also, on topic of this thread, four of my best “I can talk to you about my feelings any time” friends moved away over the summer and it’s kind of killing me, which may be informing how upset and driftless I feel over this situation.
I am a person who takes a while to process my reactions to things and as a result can come across as being okay with things I am NOT okay with (was horrified to hear, in my journalism days, that during the parts of taped interviews where I remembered being the most uncomfortable or upset, I would always giggle), and I’m guessing your friend is the same.
THAT SAID, 1) you get to decide whether you want to hang out with someone who itemizes your unacceptable behavior later (doesn’t sound like a great time!) and 2) you may just not be compatible as friends, which is a thing that happens that doesn’t necessarily mean anyone involved is a jerk. Combinations of certain communication styles and personalities are very hard to navigate. This is shitty because you need friends right now, but if you’re always on eggshells around her and she feels condescended to and bossed around … well, there are worse things than being alone.
One thing to consider: are the behaviors that you think are “just how [you] are” actually hurtful to your friend, or have they frequently been described as hurtful by other people? Or do they just make it difficult for you to communicate? I’m guessing the latter, since you’ve already split them up from legit-I-want-to-change behaviors, but I don’t know you or your dynamic with her.
Thanks, this is exactly the type of comment I was hoping to receive (this is to no_blues in case Intense Debate puts it somewhere weird). That second paragraph is really how I’m feeling (although maybe I led you into that advice by the way I framed it!). I asked a few other friends about what you’re saying in the last paragraph, and one of them told me, “I know exactly what she’s talking about but that’s what I love about you, never change,” so while I feel like there are probably other people who agree with the first person that I’m bossy, there are other people who are into that. I feel like what happens is that she asks me a question, I give my opinion, and then she feels like I’m saying “That’s what I think and it’s the only right thing to think and you should think it too,” when I MEAN, “That’s what I think, now you tell me what you think and we’ll talk about it.” I guess I could get better at explicitly asking what she thinks?
I think I’m especially sensitive to this right now because I got different feedback from a different person who also couldn’t tell me she was mad at me until several days later that I WASN’T stepping up enough to be in charge (that was in a work context), so then getting this other feedback that I’m being controlling and bossy is just making me want to throw my hands up and not talk to anyone ever again. (Except the Toast and you in particular, thank you for taking the time.)
I am also like no_blues. Sometimes a friend will say something that really pisses me off but it/the severity of it doesn’t register until way after the fact. I’m working on either saying something in the moment or letting it go, though sometimes I’ll calmly bring it up the next time I see them if a similar topic comes up and what they said is still bothering me. But yeah, sometimes two people just don’t really “get” each other and it doesn’t mean either of them is in the wrong. (For example, my best friend’s close friend and I get along okay, but conversations sometimes get a little tense because we just don’t communicate well/tend to misunderstand each other.)
I am so sorry this happened! It is really shitty of your friend not to address these things in the moment and then to send you a list afterwards. You are not spending time with her to get a performance evaluation afterwards.
I would sit down with her and tell her, look, if I am doing something that is difficult for you, I would like you to tell me /right then/ and then I can think about it and decide what I want to do. And then — see what she says. If she says no, you have a decision to make about whether or not you want to stay in the relationship. If she says ‘I can’t because you are X Y Z’ you have a BIG decision to make because refusing to take responsibility like that is a red flag.
Thanks Bryn, I really appreciate it. The term “performance evaluation” is really apt. I feel like the comments here are really leaning towards me just saying, hey, I don’t think we have matching communication styles and that’s OK.
Friendships are hard, and uncomfortable conversations are, well, uncomfortable, but emailing someone and listing all the things they did to upset you is kind of…not good. (And I say this as a person who prefers written communication over verbal communication whenever possible).
If you are indeed feeling bitter (or butthurt) about being called out, give it a few days to see if the sting lessens.
My question to you is: is the friendship worth doing a lot of work on your possibly conflicting communication styles? If yes, then reply to her and have a conversation about how you can each meet each other’s needs in a way that works for both of you. If not, then it’s ok to stop being friends with this person.
It’s hard because on the one hand, it would suck if she was like, “You upset me” with no specifics, but the super detailed specifics also made me really uncomfortable (maybe because getting feedback is hard and uncomfortable?). I think I want to have a conversation with her about that I don’t feel like we have matching communication styles and see what she wants to do from there. Thanks for your help.
Good luck! And good for you for wanting to handle it in a thoughtful way. That’s awfully kind of you.
I just want to convey all the sympathy, as someone who does not react well to the “long email detailing all the things you did that I never brought up when we were actually together.” I think when it comes down to it, it’s one of those things where you and your friend become aware of the ways that you are, and have to make decisions about whether you can put up with it to be friends anyway.
That’s really well put, thank you. Very affirming and helpful.
This is not exactly topical, anymore, but I wasn’t around last Friday to post it.
My friend works in the marketing department at the non-profit Beacon Press and asked that I share the link to information about a WhiteHouse.gov petition they’ve created to stop the U.S. holiday in early October being called “Columbus Day” and call it “Indigenous Peoples Day” instead.
Anyone on here do NaNoWriMo? I did it a few times in high school and then ceased to have free time. Now that I’m done with the whole “school” thing, though, it would be fun to try again!
Should I go with a sci-fi concept that I rather like but haven’t fully thought through? Or should I try a novel-length fanfic, in hopes of scorig a 50-shades-esque publshing+movie deal?? (This is an honest question! I am not a good writer, but I /am/ a bad writer, so I think I could pull the 50 Shades thing off)
I’m doing NaNo (I’m meldaki there – just to be contrary – if anyone wants to buddy me)
You should spend a couple of hours this weekend thinking more about the sci-fi thing, because it’s hella easier to Nano (or write in general) if you like your concept. Here’s a lengthy list of questions to think about – they’re not outlining, but answering as much of them as you can helps you develop the book in your brain & makes entering the world to bang out words a lot easier:
* what audience would read this?
* what’s the genre
* is it stand-alone or part of a series?
* if series, is the next one about the same characters, new characters, or secondary characters?
* is there an unfinished issue?
* how many words do you plan on this being?
* what’s the theme of your book? (escape, rescue, self-discovery, that sort of thing)
* what’s the tone?
* are you using any motifs?
* what’s the main plot about?
* what’s the initial hook?
* do you have subplots?
CHARACTERS: for main characters, secondary characters, villains, answer:
* what point of view are you using?
* what do they do for a living?
* what are their personalities? (you can Meyer-Briggs them, or other online personality quiz stuff)
* what are their backstories?
* what are their goals/motivations/conflicts?
Anyway, go with whatever you think the most fun thing for you will be. For me, I tried to stick to the more literary path I’d been trained in, until I finally admitted that writing romance is hella fun for me, so I’ve learned more about the craft of that, and have had way more success with generating manuscripts, and publishing (though I’ve yet to get the movie deal!), and having more ideas for more books. All that makes the slog parts of writing & editing a lot easier to deal with.
That is a solid list of questions. Sounds like a good thing to pour over this weekend with some seasonally appropriate drink. Might help me make a decision on which story, too!
I’ll add you on NaNo once I figure out what my account was back in the day 🙂
I love this question list!
I am probably doing NaNoWriMo. I’m considering taking a year off, but I will probably talk myself into participating over the next two weeks.
Ha. Me, too. I told myself (and my partner) that I wasn’t going to do it this year (I’ve done it the last 6 years). This year for Camp Nano I wrote a 100 000 word novel (half in April, half in July) and I am editing it. Ideally, my plan is/was to have something readable by the end of the year. Which isn’t very likely if I write 50 000 words in November.
However. It is mid-October and I really want to write a long story. So.
I am not only NaNo-ing, I am giving a prep talk to my local writing group in four hours, and I am supposed to be finishing my slide deck instead of replying to yesterday’s open thread comments, but here I am. I use my real name over there, which I’d rather not link up with my screen name, but I’m still a jen, so if you get randomly writing-buddied by someone strange, it’s most likely me. 🙂
I read the first one (gift from my father-in-law) and liked it a lot. This will provide my impetus to read more!
Can I issue a call for all Danish/living in Denmark Toasties? Are there any? I’m not Danish myself but I’ve been living here for two months now, and maybe there is someone also lurking on the message boards?
(Or should I call upon European Toasties?)
Out of interest, can you tell me how you got to Denmark? Would love to move there.
By plane.
(Could not resist!)
Since the Danish higher education system is delightfully tuition-free for all EU students, I’m doing my Master’s here since this fall.
It is a wonderful country with a great social system and full of happy, gentle, helpful people. The Danes are arguably the happiest people in the world, and you can really see it everywhere.
The language, however, is a nightmare, and I’m still not convinced it’s not made-up.
That is a classic dad joke and I salute you! I wish I could do my MA in Denmark, but sadly the MA ship has sailed. Maybe someone can hire me there?
Also, Danish is totally made up. Have you seen this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_iixmqSBQw
Oh nooo, I am Danish and normally always in Denmark, but now I am in New York and not coming home till the end of December. This is the worst timing. Are you staying for the full Master’s or will you be leaving soon?
I wish I could say the language gets easier but no, it really doesn’t.
Ohhhhh! An actual Danish person!
I’m doing a full Master’s, so here at least a year. I’m located in Odense.
We are at the same university! (I’m guessing, at least, because there would be no reason to go to Odense if not for studying at SDU) Argh, this is so exciting!
Whaaaat? This is better than I could’ve imagined. Yes, I am at SDU, and I’m guessing you’re doing an internship right now. So when December goes, we will have to revisit this thing on another Open Thread.
New to me, but I’ll check my library catalog! Thanks for the tip.
OK, Toasties. I finally Get Chris Evans. Why? Because I had a completely ridiculous sex dream about him last night.
Has anyone else had this happen with a person heretofore not considered particularly attractive??
Yes but it was a co-worker and it was awkward.
MY BOSS MORE THAN ONCE WHY
Also happened to me with someone from work, but I did not start finding him attractive afterwards.
All. The. Time. Celebrities, friends, that dude from the grocery store… It’s a thing that happens, definitely.
Channing Tatum. Never got it, then had a sex dream about him.
HIS MIND.
I’m still obsessing over this article.
Yes. Was not sure I wanted him sexually, though I liked his attitude. I agreed to a few dates and enjoyed time with him. Cut to end of story: I married him 19 years ago.
JEALOUS re: chris evans dream
i’m gonna team up with nicolas cage to steal him cause that booty is a NATIONAL TREASURE ayyyy yi yi
I have sex dreams about everybody. Like, if we have had more than a couple conversations in person then I have probably had sex with you in my dreams. Does not usually make me more attracted to them, but I am also at least a little attracted to most people.
Best sex dream I ever had was about Chris Evans. We did it on a sofa, he was still wearing his suit jacket.
I couldn’t talk about Captain America without blushing for weeks.
Keanu Reeves. Still have no idea why.
I’m going to see Dear White People tonight and I’m really excited about it! Has anyone seen it yet?
No but I want to!
I saw it last week! What did you think? Lionel and Coco were great, I thought, and I kind of wished the story was more about them
Also, this commenting system is definitely not my favorite — aside from putting people’s comments all over the place, my previous comment is autoloaded into the comment form or in the comments to another post. I made that comment already, system! I don’t need to make it again!
I will join you in complaining about the comments.
I don’t like automatically folded reply threads. This is the one place on the entire internet where I actually want to read the comments, and most of them are hidden when I scroll down. Not a great user experience. Paginated comments aren’t my favorite either: again, I’d prefer simply scrolling down to see everything. I doubt page load times are greatly improved by hiding most of the content this way.
IntenseDebate seems awfully glitchy at a basic level. Folded threads and pagination of the comments are simply design things and not a sign of a poorly implemented system, no matter how much I dislike them. But the unreliability of the comments section is something else entirely. I googled ID and it seems like they’ve always been pretty bad, and worse, uninterested in engaging with user complaints and fixing problems.
I also would prefer all threads expanded. Weirdly it happens in here for like every other article, then the others are all folded up.
I prefer pagination vs infinite scrolling though, if only to more easily find your place when you come back to a thread. I’m still cursing the AV Club redesign for many reasons but non-paginated threads is one.
I’d noticed that sometimes replies are expanded. It seems to only happen on articles with fewer comments, so maybe there’s a cutoff point? That’s total speculation; I haven’t been paying enough attention to be sure.
Good point about the infinite scrolling. I take back what I said about wanting non-paginated comments.
Still, if we’re going to have paginated comments, it would be really nice if links to comments that aren’t on the first page worked.
There are worse systems but it does seem very glitchy lately. Also it slows my work computer to a crawl if I stay on any given comment thread for too long.
Turn off Flash! It doesn’t fix the commenting problems but it keeps everything from lagging horribly and not loading properly (the auto-play ads are the culprit, as far as I can tell).
Seconding this. I turned off Flash and The Toast is SO MUCH FASTER now.
Though I do feel bad that I’m basically blocking half the ads. Hopefully that isn’t as bad as blocking all of them.
I was wondering about that too, but it had gotten so bad that I basically couldn’t read the Toast at all, so I figure blocking half the ads and giving them a billion pages views per day is probably better!
Yeah. I have vague plans to maybe send The Toast, like, $2/month through the support-The-Toast thingy to make up for lost ad revenue. I should get around to that.
So… what do we need to do to fix it? Can we sponsor a new comments system? I would gladly throw some money at the problem, since the comments are easily half of what I love about this place.
((ETA @katiemcguillicuddy sports talk))
Packers won last week! And it was beautiful!! Even though I had to hide for the entire last quarter.
Seahawks didn’t look so good, though. I mean, they’re supposed to be indestructible at CenturyLink. And you can’t call yourself “Legion of Boom” if your whole play strategy is “make Richard Sherman cover literally the entire field, I mean what side is he even SUPPOSED to be on, that guy is everywhere.” (I love Richard Sherman but omggg defense needs to play as a team)
But I care more about the Packers so GO PACK GO!
Love that fake spike.
I have a flight through several Major Airports With International Connections this week, and though I’m excited about the trip, there’s still the slightest worry that I’ll contact one of the hot new viruses en route. (Like, I came into a clinic last week with a chest cold, and the nurse didn’t even have protective glasses while I coughed in her face. I know safety regs are being ignored and planes are filthy.)
🙁 I get that. Touch nothing! Especially not your face. Be a super jerk to everyone (my MO and I never get sick [touch wood])
Ughhhh this week, ya’ll. Just tedious and teeth-gnashingly difficult. We’re in the midst of accreditation prep at the school I work at which means I need to have everything printed out, memorized and ready to deliever as an ‘elevator speech’ to dudes in suits. Ughhhh. I have been self-medicating with gin.
Meanwhile I finished Megan Abbott’s The End of Everything last night and I am going to be thinking about that one for a long time. The mood of it and her language really captures early life twin-like-friendship.
Toast cards will go out this weekend! I promise!!
I had a second date last night and have fallen prematurely into my standard existential “what do I feeeeeeel?” panic which usually doesn’t happen until a little later. Is dating so stressful for anybody (everybody) else?
it is for every ruminator-type ever. you are not alone.
ughhh dating is the actual worst!! I really hope my current gentleman caller sticks around for a while — because I like him, obviously, but also because I don’t want to have to date again anytime soon.
I HATE dating, it is awful. I do not have an existential panic because I don’t like anyone.
I don’t know if I like him so much as think he’s cute (he’s pretty cute) and am coming off a dry spell. He is also more years younger than me than anyone else I’ve dated.
Ah, then keep doing it!
I keep going back and forth between NOT listening right away so the next time, I have more to go, and not being able to resist!
(Rant ahead) I finally got a family doctor after a truly horrific family doctorless pregnancy and postpartum experience (yay, immigrant experience in Canada!). She’s nice, but: I got three periods (didn’t you want to know this about me, y’all?) after giving birth, and then they stopped. My doctor found slightly elevated prolactin levels and thinks I have a small benign pituitary tumor, only diagnosable by MRI and treatable by endo (I already have mild hypothyroidism, so treatment by an endo was going to happen anyway). Until then, my fertility is anyone’s guess, though the other hormones seem A-OK. The MRI appointment is two months after the problem was first suspected, and the endo appointment is in three. I mentioned to my doctor that I wanted to try to conceive sooner than that, because ideally, I would have wanted to have the second kid while still 36 (with the caveat that of course it’s not up to me and all), and that we’d conceived immediately upon first try before and it worked out. She seems to think I’m delusional for thinking this is a possibility anyway. She also couldn’t seem to give me a straight answer (or any answer) about whether or not the tumor will grow if it’s not treated (I can’t get an MRI or get treatment for it if I’m pregnant). I feel like Canada is gatekeeping my fertility and my doctor thinks I’m a silly Old with endocrine problems (though I conceived right away with no issue even while my hypothyroidism was untreated) so I’d have trouble anyway and my concerns are not valid. I want to go in there and enact bloody, Kill-Bill-style (even though I hate the movies because they’re racist as F***) revenge. I’m glad that the thing is benign if I DO have it, but I hate that it means that I have to wait longer to get treated, especially when I’ve kind of got a timeline here. I got treated like Sarah in the Bible having kids at 99 or whatever when I was pregnant already at age 34 (even though the average age for first baby at my hospital was 35); I can’t imagine how much more assholery I’ll have to deal with if I’m 37+ instead of 36.
Also, I miss my f***ing period and I never thought I’d say that. It’s deeply distressing for it to go away, especially when I need the damn thing right now for family planning purposes. Canada has turned me into a raging hypochondriac with violent fantasies–this is only the latest and least thing in a two-year sh** parade. (Sorry for all the swears).
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this!! Dealing with the logistics around getting health care is horrible. I don’t have experience with the Canadian system (yay terrible U.S. system!) but a poster on another open thread had advice I’d second if you think it might work: be a polite pest. In this case, it would be regularly calling up the radiology department and endocrinologist’s office and politely asking if they have any cancellations. Getting an earlier MRI appointment might be trickier (I’ve had plenty of MRIs, but have always scheduled them months out and never tried to switch them earlier), but hopefully you can, at minimum, get a new appointment with the endocrinologist for right after your MRI, instead of a whole month after. Good luck!! Hope you’re better and get the green light for pregnancy asap!
My husband is probably going to lose his job. And with it his health insurance and union benefits. He has a serious chronic illness and it goes without saying that he can’t go uninsured. I’m being strong for him but I’m really freaking out on the inside. I just need to vent a little bit here.
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
Thanks.
Kitten and/or Simpsons gifs appreciated.
Teeeeeeehehehehehehhehehehe!
Oh my gahhhhh kitty duck-duck-goose! Perfection! Thanks!
I need 77 First City coins to advance in the Heart’s Desire storyline, and it’s really slow going. My best options currently seem to be to get 111 surface currency or 500 cryptic clues and someone with shadowy or persuasive at least 70 to help. I have less than half of either of those things and I haven’t found a way to get either quickly. (If anyone wants to send me a calling card, I’m Renata Mangiafuoco.)
psst… check your messages.
Thank you so much! I got to the next step, and then failed the challenge twice in a row. Need some more Confident Smiles, but I know how to get those.
I have literally hundreds of those just lying around, so I just sent you some (in the trad’l amount of 30).
Thanks so much! You’re awesome!
In case this gets lost, this is a NaNoWriMo reply to sausagedog:
I’m planning on doing it! I did it last year to good results, and though I have at least 50% less free time to write this year, I am going to do my best and just not beat myself up if I fail. I’m the same username on the site if you’re doing an official entry, same username on twitter if you just want support.
One of the NaNoWriMo blogs says some people get good results by going with a concept they may not have totally fleshed out yet, because the relentless push of NaNoWriMo forces you to go with your gut and make connections you might not have thought about otherwise. I see the wisdom in that suggestion but it terrifies me, personally. Maybe your sci-fi idea would work for you!
Awesome, good to know someone else is doing it! The more support, the better. I’ll add you on the site once I dig up my old account details.
Okay, I know there are lots of Toasties meet-up groups. Is there one for San Diego yet? Because everyone I know here is moving to France.
Writing Thread!
Today I got past the peer-review stage. I’mma be academically published, y’all.
And the feedback looks super helpful (based on a cursory read-while-dancing).
you rock! that’s fantastically fantastic!
Awesome!
YAY! This is so huge. Congratulations!!!
Good morning and welcome to Buns on Toast!
This week, our girl demonstrated her strength, agility, and fearlessness…TWICE. First, she jumped right out of her playpen. Perhaps she was lonely or bored or impatient with me being in a different room doing laundry. Then, a few days later, she escaped her habitat and led the Big Dog on a mighty chase, which ended with her trapped in a corner, being aggressively sniffed and receiving several confused puppy looks. (The good news is that Big Dog didn’t try to eat her, so at least there’s that.) She appears to be suffering no adverse effects from her (mis)adventures, and is bouncy trouncy flouncy pouncy fun fun fun fun fun.
She also seems to LOVE jumping around for the camera. If only I could get her to sit still long enough for a clear photo.
The Sister asked me to ask you fine folks: what kind of rabbit litter do you use? Apparently, The Sister is unsatisfied with our current brand.
And I’d like to follow that up with a multi-part inquiry of my own: Is rabbit bedding hazardous to dogs? Inevitably, some falls out of the habitat onto the floor. Big Dog, in particular, thinks it is a delicious treat. How much of it can he eat before it all gets stuck in his puppy intestines? Do you guys have any tricks or tips for avoiding this scenario?
Who else has bunny pics, eh?
SO FLOOFY
I’m gonna see if I can sneak some pictures of the killa chilla when I get home for lunch because even though he’s not a rabbit, many people confuse him for one.
Also, should not be hazardous – it looks like you’re using the crumbly newspaper stuff, right? If it were woodchips I’d be a little more concerned, but the newspaper should be A-Okay.
DO IT. I am 100% in favor of making this the Little Fluffy Things That Are Not Dogs or Cats thread.
There is a subreddit for the podcast that I might have spend like 4 hours reading yesterday.
http://www.reddit.com/r/serialpodcast/
I have been SO into this podcast. thanks for linking this, even if it is reddit.
I’m starting my internship toniiiiiiiiiiiiight I’m so nerrrrvoussssssssssssss even though I’m probably just going to be standing there smiling sympathetically at people but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thanks for all the love and support last week, Toasties!
Petsmart! My bf/cat dad bought it on their website as a surprise (!) replacement for their old one, which they DESTROYED:
Our cats are very large, and so far this seems reasonably stable, even when all three are playing like gigantic, crazed squirrels.
Excellent, thanks!
I do like Peter and Harriet as a couple, a lot.
I don’t know the other ones you mentioned! Who wrote them?
BUYING PROPERTY IS THE WORST.
So I’m gonna have a really quick moan: I’m currently renting somewhere terrible with my boyfriend, and we’re trying to buy somewhere nice, but everything keeps going wrong, and I’m exhausted. For three weeks in a row we’ve been told the sale could be completed that week, and then something stupid has gone wrong at the last minute.
Today we were literally inches away from being ready to move but then the seller went into a meeting for THREE HOURS and now our solicitors are all about to go home for the weekend so we’ll have yet another weekend of not knowing. All my stuff is in boxes, I’m desperate to leave, but things just. won’t. stop being awful.
And my sister recently rescued a kitten, and then IT DIED, within a week, and that is also awful, and now I can’t even look at cute animals to cheer myself up because everything is so very, very terrible. 🙁
Someone bring me gin.
First read this as BUYING PUPPETRY IS THE WORST.
There is nothing on this earth that would make me do NaNoWriMo, but from friends who HAVE done it I think the key is A) giving yourself permission to write shittily, 2) choosing something that will be really fun for you, and D) hoping for nothing except that word count.
So if you love writing fanfic and find that it flows effortlessly from your fingertips, write fanfic by all means! If you think it will be the most fun to build a new sciency-fictiony world, that would be the thing to do. If it then turns into the first draft of something that you’re still excited about revising and making better (or worse!) in order to try to sell it, that’ll be gravy.
I’m three weeks out of my breakup, and I’m feeling pretty up and down. Last night I went out with two coworkers who also just went through breakups, and it ended up making me feel worse. I feel like ‘ugh’ cannot even encapsulate how I feel right now, more like ‘deep guttural sigh’.
Ugh, dating, man. I am seeing a Lady I’ve been dating tomorrow, and I’m worried I’m gonna have to end things. She got so so so into me really quickly — she hasn’t really dated girls before, and so it almost feels like she likes the idea of dating me because she wants to be dating a girl but doesn’t really know that much about me. And she has so much bisexual angst, and I sympathize with that (although I’ve never felt it myself) but we’ve been on four dates! We’re just not that close yet, and I don’t know what to do with all of those feelings all the time. I like her, but I’m not feeling it as a serious thing right now, and I certainly never will with all this pressure. (I have retyped that sentence about ten times in an effort to not sound like an asshole. I know that for a lot of people, struggles with sexuality and family and all that are difficult, and I am sympathetic. It’s just — I’ve probably spend a cumulative 8 hours with this girl, and that’s a high estimate, and it seems like all the hopes and fears and dreams and anxieties of her attraction to women is resting on our tiny beginning relationship, and it’s a lot.)
BUT I’ve been having a lovely time with a guy I’ve been seeing, and I’m gonna see him tonight. He keeps cooking me dinner. It’s fabulous. We have a good time and are the same level of serious about each other, which is not very much, but we also enjoy each other’s company a lot.
(I have annoyingly lingering feelings re: someone else who isn’t even in this country at the moment. It’s getting super in the way of getting serious about anyone, which is… kinda okay? Being single is probably good for me.)
Just want to reaffirm that you are never a terrible person for being less into someone than they are into you. You are not obligated to love, or even like, anyone.
I NEED RECIPES.
My mother gave me a stand mixer a few weeks ago as an early birthday present. And I’m still trying to decide the best recipe to christen it with. Before I got the thing, it was like every single recipe I looked at called for one, but now that I have it, none of the recipes do. So… favorites, please?
(I’m planning on trying to make brioche and marshmallows soon, but I think I want something else as my first recipe.)
…I saw stand mixer and immediately went to type marshmallows, but then I saw that you had already said that’s not what you’re looking for! No other suggestions from me, but when you do make marshmallows, you should try making a super super super strong cup of tea (earl grey is nice) and chilling it in the fridge and using that instead of water. Mildly tea-flavored marshmallows!
That sounds delicious!
have you considered… PRETZELS?
…well, I have now. Hmm, pretzels…
Any cookie recipe would also work.
Cookies are the main reason why stand mixers exist, really.
Hahahhaha! I was about to suggest brioche. Ooops.
Brioche is like one of my main learn-how-to-make priorities. I hadn’t had any in AGES until I finally found some at the hippie organic grocery store the next town over. And I was thrilled to have a source again… and then they quit carrying it barely a month later. Out of spite. They replaced its spot on the shelf with gluten-free pretzel buns or something. And while I respect the expansion of gluten-free goods for my friends with celiac, I WANT MY BRIOCHE.
So I have to make it myself. This is basically the main reason I really started to learn how to cook: so I could try making all the food I couldn’t get the way I liked.
I made these (or a similar variant) a few years ago and still think about them: http://www.marthastewart.com/314036/pumpkin-swirl…
I recently got the Flour Bakery cookbook, and while I want to make 90% of the recipes, it seems like half of them require a stand mixer. (A lot say, 3-4 minutes in a stand mixer, 8-10 or whatever with a hand mixer. And I guess impossible with neither.) I don’t entirely believe her, since a lot of the recipes are similar to normal things I’ve baked without even an electric mixer in the past, but I’m sure a stand mixer would help!
Maybe something with frosting? Like marshmallow frosting?
Anything where you need to whip egg whites. Feel your forearms thanking you.
I was just about to suggest some sort of meringue. Pavlovas, perhaps.
Please share the most interesting Wikipedia article you have recently encountered. I have two: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_breakfas… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eva_Dugan
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hat
I went to try and remember the name of a particular style of hat, and got sucked in.
The past few weeks have been stressful and anxiety-inducing and I am not sleeping well at all ever, but I am seeing Andrew McMahon on Saturday and all will be right with the world for a few hours. I anticipate life being like this until Veteran’s Day, ish, so this concert needs to sustain me for awhile.
Toasties. My best friend is finally planning her wedding for next autumn. She and her wife got married in a hurry before Prop 8 and have wanted to do the whole wedding party thing for years now. I shall be the Best Lady. Last night while talking about wedding stuff I caught myself thinking “wait, why are we still talking about wedding stuff? OH GOD I AM GOING TO HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WEDDING STUFF ALL THE TIME, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.”
It turns out that it doesn’t matter if the wedding is hella gay, I do not like weddings. I actively do not want to think about any of the things that wedding planning entails. No judgment on those otherwise inclined, but I do not care and I do not want to care.
Tell me something that reflects poorly on you! Let’s talk about our petty shortcomings.
I can’t tolerate wedding or baby showers AT ALL. I get so snarky if I have to deal with them, which isn’t fair to anyone, but they are so, so uncomfortable.
There are advantages to being loudly anti-wedding and anti-shower. All my friends know how I feel. So when my best friend told me she was engaged, she followed up with “I am not going to ask you to be in my wedding party, but only because I know how you feel about those things. I just want you to know I would have asked you otherwise. I want to give you that honor.”
I almost cried. She honored me by *not* asking. Overtly.
OK, so my friends and I are a bit weird.
That is very cool of your friend. I turned down being in my (beloved) brother’s wedding and he and my now sister-in-law were completely cool about it. Unfortunately I think I agreed to this Best Lady dealie like a decade ago and absolutely can’t back out now. I’d be disappointing a dear friend, my adoptive niecelet, the extended albeit insane family which have welcomed me as one of their own, etc. And I don’t want to back out, really, but I fully expect to complain about it to non-involved parties for the next year.
And to her credit, my friend asked me if I’d rather wear a suit or a dress, and reacted pretty well when I said that I wouldn’t wear heels, and in fact might just wear Chucks, and that I didn’t see how she or her mother could stop me if it came to that.
I don’t like weddings either. I’ve avoided them for like the last five years which is pretty impressive of me I think, but is mostly down to most of my friends hating weddings also. The other things I hate reflect far worse on me in my opinion.
-Springtime. I feel like this makes me such a miserable bitch.
-Fruit. I don’t actually HATE it, and I actually love avocados and limes but I think they barely count, but I just think it’s really overrated.
-General romance. Again, there are exceptions, but yeah.
That was where I think my eye started twitching.
Holy shit, Briony. Well done for speaking up, and please take super extra good care of yourself. Remind yourself — there are real people out there in the real world who think George is a garbage person with balled up paper towels full of dried snot where his empathy and decency should be, and we support you. I’m sorry none of us were in your class with you.
Thank you. I wish I could vanish them away and replace all of them with excellent Toasties like you!
I can’t remember her name, but how is the woman who had the shady new boyfriend that was going to hire her as his assistant??? I need an update!
Gertrude! Yes, what’s up with Gertrude?
Gertrude, I think! I want a Gertrude update too!
GERTRUUUUUUDE!!
I am burned out and disillusioned regarding my postdoc job, so I spent my morning cleaning out three years’ worth of browser bookmarks. Here is a bounty of animated gifs I bring back to you, most of which I can’t recall bookmarking:
I am literally crying of laughing at the cat-bites-butt one
because I am 12
You and me both, friend.
Sorry, Briony_Fields, my eyeballs just spontaneously melted with rage and I had to reconstitute them before I could respond to you.
So here’s the thing. You are allowed to grit your teeth, keep your head down, recommend kombucha to everyone in the group, and get through this course however you can. You do not owe anybody a continued, thankless fight with human garbage.
But if you feel like you are up for it, one thing to consider is writing to the institution that offers this course, requesting an explanation of the no-instructor-oversight format and explaining why it is causing some problems, and pointing out that if the purpose of the course is to create counselors who can respond to the suffering of others, there needs to be some actual training in doing that that. Releasing someone like George upon an unsuspecting set of clients is irresponsible. He can and probably will do damage. That is not your responsibility, but it is or ought to be the institution’s.
You ARE brave. It WAS well done. Anytime you can make it more costly for someone to be awful, you have adjusted the balance for the better.
Yes yes yes yes yes. Yes.
Emphatically thirded. The program *really* needs to address this in a meaningful way, and it’s not your personal responsibility to do that for them.
WHOOPS I deleted this to move it as a reply! But yes it was basically that and I talked about public transit with one of them, it was pretty great.
I got my flu shot a few days ago and have felt like SHIT ever since. I puked the night I got it, and have been bone-tired since then. Apparently I waited too long, given that my boyfriend has been sick all week, along with a few friends. I’m so tired.
Also my work asked me if I’d consider moving to Des Moines, IA. I’ve never been, is it as horrible as it sounds?
I’m from there. It’s actually pretty nice– everyone I know who’s from there goes back and says “it’s gotten so much cooler!” The city weathered the recession really well and invested a ton of money in downtown development/the arts/ etc. It’s also got a really devoted community of people who take pride in the city and try to support local business and art. I honestly think about moving back from time to time, mostly because I know I could buy an adorable craftsman bungalow there for less than what I’m paying on my tiny crappy apartment where I live now.
ON THE OTHER HAND, it’s definitely feels like more of a big-small-town-with-amenities than a bustling urban center, and the whole city is frozen in a block of ice for like 5 months a year.
While I’m on the topic, this article is sort of embarrassing but should give you a sense of the local scene http://www.nationaljournal.com/next-america/popul…
Nice people, cool little local businesses, but there is nothing in any direction but hours of corn and cows. Also, flooding and tornadoes are both very real threats.
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN
(ETA this is regarding seapartidge’s magnificent doily, intensedebate can suck it)
My library is hiring a business librarian!! Keep an eye on inalj.com for Redlands, CA.
AND IF YOU APPLY DON’T FUCKING TELL ME unless you get hired, obviously.
Also I am planning to get a tattoo tomorrow. One of my partners is like “COOL” and the other is like “WHYYYYYYYY NOOOOOOO” and I’m a) trying to be nice about it b) stand my ground without coming across as defensive and c) not be all “I don’t care what you think” even though, when it comes to tattoos, I basically don’t care what he thinks ^_^
You guys. I flew so close to the babe sun this week. And now, to mix and misuse metaphors, I have turned back into a pumpkin.
So there’s this really cute guy I’ve been seeing around town on and off for, like, six years?* I didn’t see him for a while when I stopped going to concerts but now that I’ve started again, he’s at everything I go to. Anyway, he was at a really small basement show I went to on Tuesday with a mutual friend of ours. I met him AND his cute ginger friend AND successfully invited myself along to their post-show karaoke plans (sans mutual friend) AND each of them bought me a drink. It would be hard to understate how out-of-character and unusual the whole thing was, because I have worked myself up to a baseline of “zero game” after years of “negative game.” Anyway, we all had a great time, I have a lot of stuff in common with the seen-around guy, he promised to add me on Facebook, I got less than four hours of sleep before work, all good.
Of course, he hasn’t done so. I still had a good time and it was cool I pulled any of it off, so I’m trying not to get too caught up in the results, but I’ve met a bunch of cute guys this year who ask for my contact info and then never use it and it’s really frustrating. I also haven’t gotten anything resembling action in like two years, which I would also describe as frustrating.
*partway through our first conversation I suddenly remembered I posted a Craigslist Missed Connection about him in flippin’ 2009 after we had a very strange moment at a weird punk show where I failed to, you know, make words.
Next time, get their details and use ’em! Boys are useless!
He told me/brought me to where he works, I’m sure I’ll run into him again pretty soon anyway, and he’s easy to find on Facebook, but not sure it’s worth chasing down a dude who doesn’t care enough to type two words and click a button. (Which is basically every dude I’m meeting these days, unless he’s telling me how “cool” I am and then how attracted he is to our coworker.)
Fair enough! Maybe if you get to know each other better, it’ll be different anyway and you will both seem worth chasing up to each other.
I was walking my dogs yesterday and passed a family on the trail, and the little boy, maybe 6 years old, looks at us with huge eyes and then tells his moms, in a hushed and reverent voice, “That lady is walking a COYOTE!”
I felt like such a badass.
Here is the coyote dog, being her regal self. She is 120lbs of lean muscle and giant teeth.
That dog can rule the entire world, clearly. I bow down to her majesty.
REGAL is the right word! what a beaaaautiful doggie. (and beautiful picture, too!)
She’s so pretty!!
Thanks, guys! She’s a goddess, it’s true.
“Sorry, you’ve already voted on that comment.” FUCK YOU THIS DOG DESERVES INFINITE TINY INTERNET THUMBS
What a magnificent beast.
Thank you, this is perfect.
This is a good point! Though I think different eras can be different levels of bittersweet depending on your present life. Like, I feel mostly just good when I have nostalgia for being a teenager, because it’s very clear to me that while the memories are beautiful I do NOT wish I was a teenager again. But nostalgia for a time when I lived with all my best friends instead of alone and had an awesome job I loved are a little harder when I’m kinda having a full blown quarter life crisis.
Chicago Toasties!
Next week we will be in your wonderful city with our girlfriend for five whole amazing child-free days! Please suggest things we should do, food we should eat, sights we should see etc etc etc! (We may end up spending the majority of the time cuddling on the couch in our airbnb, but this way I’ll know what we’re missing!)
Our girlfriend lives across the continent from us & despite having known her for 21 years this December, this will only be the 3rd time we’ve gotten together in person.
Anyone else want to join me in spooktober? Or suggest ways of cutting back on the dreams?
I might not be a good person to take advice from since I
a) always watch/read/consume scary fodder year-round, and
b) pretty often have nightmare’s like night-before-last’s when
b2) a spider with the legspan of a moderately-sized dog got into my home and HID, then I discovered it also shot acid out its undercarriage, eating away at the walls and presumably any person who might try to capture it, but
b3) even worse than that was some lazy dude trying to make me justify my appreciation of Rick and Morty WHAT A NIGHTMARE
but…
I have averted the worst of the nightmares just by figuring out what triggers them and developing protocols for averting the weird cascade of brain silliness that follows. For example, if I am reading creepypasta just before bed, I unabashedly request my husband to leave the light on for the few minutes between the time he goes to bed and the time I go to bed because IN SOME OF THOSE STORIES THE SHAPE IN BED IS NOT YOUR SPOUSE OH NO. It feels very silly, but it helps me not have nightmares, so I do it.
I just finished re-reading Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House in anticipation of live-tweeting The Haunting (1963), and it’s a great slow-burn, no-gore scare. The movie is tremendously effective, too, all creeping dread and small movements, very emotionally effective without a lot of trite jump scares.
Spooktober! I’ve learned that scary books will usually not keep me awake at night, but I’m ridiculously susceptible to scary movies. (I slept with the lights on for more than one night after seeing The Shining for the first time.) That said, I’m totally going to watch The Haunting with you and Toastie Twitter. I’ve seen it before, so I don’t think nightmares will ensue.
Soooo I was very excited about this live tweet thing, but I’ll be on a ghost tour until 9 that night!
meetapossum, the movie is airing on TCM, which always pads the running time with a long introductory piece first, so The Haunting might not start until 8:10-8:15 EDT, and it runs until 10 p.m EDT, so maybe you can join in on the tail end? If you’ve seen the film before, that’s a good bet.
If not, and if you don’t want to jump in halfway through, there are lots of streaming options posted on the Facebook page for the live-tweet, so you could either watch ahead and join the live-tweet in progress or watch later and look back at the live-tweet.
And of course if that’s all too much, then we can just TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE AND BOOK ENDLESSLY FOREVER someday in the future!
Can we talk about wonderful, dramatic Theodora who has a “flatmate” that is totally actually her girlfriend and who just flirts with everyone, all the time? I love her. Actually, I kind thought maybe Luke was gay, too. The professor is asexual, obviously. Eleanor is a ghostsexual.
I read Nell as being intensely and resentfully attracted to Theo as well as (maybe perfunctorily) to Luke, and in that confused adolescent way where you don’t know if you want to be her or be with her. Eleanor’s arrested development and stunted social skills are crucial to her arc.
(This all refers to the book; in the film, she also carries on a flirtation with Dr. Montague; in the book, he’s pretty desexualized.)
“…in that confused adolescent way where you don’t know if you want to be her or be with her.”
Yeah, I can get on board with this. (Book, too.)
Isn’t it Pamela that the professor is reading, by the way? Love it.
Ciabatta! http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-hom-159913
(warning: a whole recipe will take up an alarming amount of space in the mixer, I generally halve it)
(this is a reply to daisicles, boo disordered commenting!)
@bird_internet I think my main deterrents are 1) I’ve only ever been to the midwest once and I think I offended 90% of people I came in contact with just by existing 2) everyone I know and love is on the west coast and 3) I’m not sure how much money I’d save on cost of living when I would have to invest millions of dollars on keeping myself from freezing to death because I am always cold, and it actually being cold outside would probably exacerbate that.
Oof, a move from the west coast would be rough. I mostly go back for Christmas now and it appears that they have not made much improvement in the way of snow removal. Also, the depths of cold that they get in the midwest can be shocking even to someone who grew up with it. Last year I made the mistake of grabbing the metal doorknob to my parents’ house without gloves on, and I ended up with blisters covering the palm of my hand.
If you guys like Dorothy Sayers, you might like Edmund Crispin as well. I hold them both in equal regard.
I do like Crispin, but I find that a little of Gervase Fen goes a long way.
Toasties who get my postcards – I am sorry they are so late and sort of bent! It tuns out my building has THE WORST MAILMAN IN THE WORLD, and he has been shoving mail into the box on top of the cards that were in there, bending them. My husband graciously took them out and to a real blue mailbox down the street and I have since filed a complaint with the post office, so I hope you get your cards soon.
Does anyone else work in an office that is like listening to the local news all day? My coworkers WILL NOT SHUT UP about ebola. I am not allowed to talk specifically on social media, so I will try to talk around the situation. We have the barest and most tangential connection to someone who may have been on the same plane as one of the diagnosed patients a day or two later – and though the company has been very communicative about the situation and how little risk there is, that hasn’t stopped the women around me from wildly speculating and aggressively cleaning their desks and saying they don’t believe that it’s not airborne. I just…to borrow a phrase from The Youth, I can’t even.
Anyone up for a personal finance chat? This week I ruined two pairs of jeans with my bike (in two different ways!), tried to go shopping and got a horrible thumb injury, though thankfully didn’t bleed on the coat I was trying on, and my husband tracked horse poo into our car and knocked the passenger side mirror off.
What a week for you two!
I quit caffeine this week and ALL IS DARK. I have spent so much money trying to find decent decaf (Peet’s to the rescue!) and consoling myself (sadness ice cream, sleepy bubble tea, headache soup, etc.). In my darkness, I nearly booked a cabin up north next weekend, but I managed to stop myself.
I also quit caffeine this week! I wonder if we read the same random article about caffeine, or if it’s just something in the air?
(It’s going pretty well for me, but my caffeine intake was pretty low to start with, so that probably is why.)
Were there secret razor blades in the coat? Yikes! Shopping for jeans is the worst (second worst to shopping for bathing suits?) bc it takes forever. Or maybe I just overthink it?
It was a snap. and it’s still bleeding ::((((
Oh noooo what happened to your jeans?
I mostly commute by bike and I get terrible wear patterns where my jeans rub against the saddle; it is verifiably The Worst.
WELL! The first pair, I split the seam between my legs getting on my bike (I have a crate on my rear rack that I really have to swing my leg over), The second pair I can’t explain – I was at a stop light at a busy intersection, and when it turned green and I went to pedal, the fabric at the back of my knee (in skinny jeans, which makes this so confusing) had gone through a part of my pedal and I was stuck. I managed to limp to the curb without dying, but it was pretty stressful and those pants are also junk now 🙁
Ahahahaha your week sounds like quite a shitshow! I had a midly shit-showy week as well (work was UGH and I got into a political fight with my aunt on FB, after which she unfriended me, and I had a panic attack on Wednesday night that led me to sob uncontrollably for several hours until I finally gave in and drugged myself). I had an unexpected medical bill last week that set me back a hundred bucks, but I have vowed to spend $0 on alcohol this month, and so far I’m still going strong!
I am a huge comedy fan so most of my recs come from that. I like Stop Podcasting Yourself, Put Your Hands Together (this is a podcast of an actual weekly stand-up show run by Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher, who are lady stand up comics who are also a couple), Comedy Bang Bang, and Never Not Funny. If anyone has a specific sub-genre I probably have one for that too!
If anyone has any recommendations in the vein of Radiolab/Serial, I would love some more that are interesting stories about things that are true.
SERIAL! I swear yesterday’s episode felt like it was 5 minutes long. I listened to it twice and cannot wait for next one. I am also super conflicted because I want to believe that Adnan didn’t kill Hae but he was so vague about where he was that day and doesn’t seem that indignant about what has happened. I know that he’s been in prison for 10+ years but something about him seems off. Then again, I am 100% sure that something is up with Jay. Nothing about that guy’s story is convincing to me.
Most of the other podcasts I listen to are in the comedy vein (How Was Your Week, Ronna & Beverly, Throwing Shade, Judge John Hodgman) or the pop culture vein (NPR Pop Culture Happy Hour, Girls in Hoodies, Extra Hot Great). I also listen some BBC Radio 4 podcasts that are about history, books, etc. (In Our Time and Start the Week).
99% invisible is precisely made of interesting stories about things that are true. Death Sex & Money is more about interesting people than interesting things, but I like it a lot. There’s a CBC podcast called Under the Influence which is specifically about marketing/ advertising that I continue to find pretty interesting in spite of the fact that I find the guy that does it vaguely annoying.
The Moth is really great. And so is Snap Judgement both are story telling focused. Snap Judgment has a theme that is a similar format to This American Life but has a different vibe. Do you listen to You made it Weird with Pete Holmes? I really like it- I feel he has a Toast Sensibility and would like to start a campaign to have Mallory on his show. I am going to keep bringing this up when ever it is relevant. I think I may have to tweet at them.
For history, I like Stuff You Missed in History Class and Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History.
MIN MAXERS SUCK
I like Pathfinder which is very D&D 3.5ish okay but it feels fussy and I get OVERWHELMED making characters in trying to do it “right” instead of doing it fun. I highly recommend the Star Wars Edge of the Empire game with the custom dice because I feel like you can make a character who seems interesting instead of having to carefully layer feats and skills and weapons and stuff to max out damage.
Yeah, I have some friends who are all about the stats; sometimes, if I’m joining an actual campaign, I’ll make them give my sheet a once-over to optimize stuff (although this is way more necessary with WW games, where things cost variable numbers of points depending on where in the build process you’re buying them).
I want to like Pathfinder more than I do — Paizo is consistently one of the companies that really tries to be inclusive — buuuuuut it’s, like, 3.75-ish and crunchy, and I just have a hard time with it.
I’ve heard really good things about Star Wars — I’ll check it out, thanks!
Late to Open Thread but have to post about how excited I am.
A new clinic opened near my house and in less than 24 hours I filled out a patient registration form, got an intake appointment, and met my new GP. Who is a lovely enthusiastic man who offered to transfer me to a woman if that would make me more comfortable ( I give no fucks), asked questions about my insomnia and gave me a couple different pill options, and is getting me a referral to a psychiatrist so I can make concrete steps towards fixing my brain. And told me I should watch ‘My Cat From Hell’ on Netflix.
I am delighted. I have not had access to a family doctor since I moved away from home and was getting tired of walk-ins. And when I did have a family doctor he was elderly and always booked up a month in advance.
Awesome!
Sometimes I think to myself Yay Toast! And then I remember Yeah Toast!
Not sure how funny it is if you’ve never played Team Fortress 2, but it makes me smile.
Oh wow, I haven’t seen that in years.
My favorite lady coworker at an old job was talking about kombucha to me and another coworker and was trying to describe how the last bit of it (the, mother? whatever? the gross stuff in the bottom, I don’t know, I won’t drink it.) felt. And I quickly got the idea that she meant that the texture was sort of, well, body fluidy. Semen like, if you will. We burst into giggles in the back of the car and other coworker DID NOT UNDERSTAND that we were laughing about jizz
female communication is great and I hope this story has cheered you in some small way
OH JEEZ, Toasties, I bid on this handbag, and then almost immediately found one I like a whole lot better. I’m the current high (and only) bidder, and it closes tomorrow, so now I’m going to have to buy this bag I decided I don’t want.
UNLESS………….. unless someone else were to outbid me!
http://www.ebay.com/itm/201193622832?_trksid=p206…
I actually really like that… But shipping sucks and I am cheap.
Yeah, I really like it, I just decided it’s a bit too small for me. I guess I can always re-sell it.
I’m going to Boston tomorrow feeling pretty good RN
I hope the weather is as beautiful as it was last weekend! It was one of the most gorgeous Boston weekends I remember. Have a lovely time 🙂
A STUDENT GAVE ME AN ACTUAL APPLE I AM OFFICIALLY A REAL TEACHER NOW Y’ALL
also my 4th graders like jazz and were brave enough to try improvisation on this glorious day free of standardized testing!!!
Personal finance thread!
I think the market downturn has erased my (barely) positive net worth, but I don’t really want to recalculate it. I know this is just a correction and I shouldn’t need that money for many many years.
Work owes me about $1000 from travel that is currently on my work credit card but I have to fill out some deeply annoying expense forms to get it. Ugh.
Bought myself Frye boots! I believe it is the most expensive thing I have ever purchased to put on my body except my glasses.
THE MARKET D’:
I know better than to freak it, but it makes my net worth statement look like I went out and bought a designer couch. I DID NO SUCH THING.
I know! I could have had fun with the money I “lost” so many Frye boots could have been purchased. Or better yet, it could have spawned more money that I could live on years from now!
I want to join the Toastie postcard exchange, but mortified at the thought of anyone seeing my horrible handwriting/scrawl. I found something I wrote in grade school in my parents’ basement recently and I seriously have made no progress since then.
HELLO FROM A WEIRD WORK HACKATHON, TOASTIES! The glitterati of the news design world say hello.
Techie Toasties, I have a probably very very stupid question about my iPhone/backups/iCloud. Any takers?
eta: ugh, stupid, stupid, STUPID. I really wanted to get this done but I figured it out and it has to wait until I have unearthed my old laptop which has been used approximately never since I got my iPad at xmas last year ugh ugh ugh.
The Toast officially has a more liberal readership than Bitch magazine.
Bitch shared the “Characters whose lives would be improved my abortion” article on FB, and the comments are a mix of ‘Spoilers!’ b/c the Lane pregnancy is in the blurb, and ‘This is inappropriate!’ with some ‘Don’t dictate what choices other women should make!’ thrown in for good measure.
Was that what prompted their “Spoilers Policy” post?
Yep!
Because just because it’s new to Netflix doesn’t change the fact that it stopped airing 7 years ago.
don’t read what Metafilter has to say about the piece either. those ponderous lumps of mananity. hate-reading Metafilter grows less and less rewarding since they discovered [1] the Toast and have decided to express their lordly opinions about it. metafilter expresses opinions about things the way movers maneuver an overstuffed couch up three flights of stairs.
[1] in the way Columbus discovered America
yeah I know there are some crossover commenters who are a cut above, SORRY GUYS you know it is true
Oh no! I haven’t read it yet. Usually the Toast posts on Metafilter are OK and consist of people worshipping Mallory as is just and good. Or maybe I don’t stick around long enough for the jerks to show up.
I love Metafilter in some ways but yeah it’s true.
the ways in which people there relate to jokes makes me tear my hair out in despair. It is true they love Mallory mostly, after all they are mostly humans so they cannot help it, but it is painful to see a bunch of people explaining the Toast to one another.
of course I am being a jerk about it too, and I like it well enough to read it at work all the time so I know it is not all bad. but the influences of peer commenting culture are such that I feel like commenting here makes me a friendlier and more civil person, if one who uses fewer capital letters, and commenting there would make me so insufferable all the world would band together to destroy me. everybody is an individual but you get absorbed by your surroundings and Toast surroundings are good for people I think.
So well said! The internet at large is where I will write a screamy reply, think better of it, then delete in lieu of posting. The Toast is a place where I learn so much from what other people have to say, 90% of what I want to share is just, “Wow, thank you!” It makes me smarter, kinder, and generally more positive.
It’s possible, but also possible that they simply don’t curate their comments. Never forget those brave souls who come here, only to end up on the editorial scrap-heap, unable to explain Ayn Rand for our benefit.
I think it also may be that Facebook comments are harder to curate. Wasn’t there screenshots once of some dude being offended in The Toast’s Facebook comments?
I was pretty devastated by that spoiler! I feel like there’s something to be said for re-opening spoiler alerts when you’re aware that a bunch of people have just started watching a show for the first time.
CHICAGO TOASTIES MEETUP!
Saturday, November 1, 6:00 pm ish – 10:00 pm ish.
Rogers Park Social. Right near the Morse stop on the Red Line.
See you there!
Who’s up for a Haunting of Hill House thread this week? I’m two chapters in, and, despite knowing how it ends because I’ve seen the movie adaptation, I still find myself rooting so hard for Eleanor. Yes! Escape your horrible family! Wear pants (shockingly daring)! Identify with the little girl who demands her cup of stars! (I loved that detail. Cup of stars.) Dream about different lives! Make a new friend who also wears pants! It’s entirely possible that I’m also shipping Eleanor/Theodora after that first meeting. Which only makes me dread the ending that much more. “Journeys end in lovers meeting”…uh-oh.
Also, the descriptions of the house itself keep jumping out at me:
It had an unbelievably faulty design which left it chillingly wrong in all its dimensions, so that the walls seemed always in one direction a fraction longer than the eye could endure, and in another direction a fraction less than the barest possible tolerable length; this is where they want me to sleep, Eleanor thought incredulously; what nightmares are waiting, shadowed, in those high corners — what breath of mindless fear will drift across my mouth…
THAT is how you describe a house whose geometry isn’t quite right. H.P. Lovecraft can suck it.
Who else is looking forward to Elsa is Emily’s live-tweeting of The Haunting on the 25th? I know I am.
I adore The Haunting of Hill House! The book is much more subtle than the movie — part of the fun I’ve found on re-reads is trying to figure out what, exactly, was going on (Eleanor is…not a reliable narrator): how much is her putting a spin on what’s happening, and how much is actually real (like, how much is the house truly influencing the others and how they behave).
Who’s up for a Haunting of Hill House thread this week?
YES PLEASE, I’ve just finished rereading it for the zillionth time.
My favorite forgotten episode from the book, which doesn’t appear in the film’s tightened-up narrative, is in the first few pages, when Eleanor bumps into a woman—literally. She knocks her bag of food (“a broken piece of cheesecake, tomato slices, a hard roll”) from the older woman’s hands. Eleanor, who’s in a hurry to pick up the car she half-owns before her sister wises up, hastily offers to buy the woman more food, or give her money, or anything that will speed up this encounter.
It’s such an odd little aside, the kind Jackson drafts so deftly, and it’s only on this re-reading that I wondered: what exactly is going on there? It isn’t the old broken-bottle/dropped groceries scam or she’d be willing to take money, right? But she isn’t, exactly. “‘So you see, I couldn’t just take money, not money just from your hand, for something that was left over.'” Instead, she tacitly wheedles car fare (and, I think, generous car fare for the time) from Eleanor, preserving her own illusion of independence.
I’ve never really thought about that scene much, but you’re right. And the older woman doesn’t tell the cab driver where she’s going while Eleanor is standing there: she probably got more money out of Eleanor for the car fare than she would have if Eleanor had paid for the groceries. And she was walking down the street when Eleanor bumped into her, which means she was within walking distance from her home.
Maybe not a scam, but someone taking advantage of Eleanor on the spur of the moment. And Eleanor is too used to being a “good girl” to argue it, isn’t she?
And to Household_Opera above — shipping Eleanor/Theodora is totally valid! Their relationship in the book is much more complex, and much more intense, than it was in the movie.
I love that book but Theodora is totally my favorite. She and her “totally platonic housemate” who she’s having a very dramatic fight with. I believe that she really is nice to Eleanor, in her fashion, but Eleanor is…well.
(Intended for OliviaPJones in the Haunting of Hill House thread, in case this comment ends up someplace weird):
That’s actually one of the things that caught me on a re-read: how nice Theodora is to Eleanor. It’s hard to tell, because Eleanor not only has issues, but the house starts working on her after a while. But I’m also wondering whether Eleanor was the only one the house was working on. There’s a scene where Theodora finds blood on her clothing, and shouts imprecations at Eleanor, only to suddenly become cheerful when Luke comes in. Eleanor the Unreliable Narrator takes this to mean Theodora is spitefully accusing her of causing the scene, and then plays up to Luke so he won’t suspect what Theo is being manipulative. She might not be wrong about what’s happening there. I’ve not seen anything to indicate the men are under its influence (if someone has, please tell me! This book has so many hidden corners, I’m sure I haven’t found them all!), but the backstory shows that the house has always preyed upon its female inhabitants. I don’t think Theo was being deliberately manipulative. But I think it’s interesting to explore the possibility that she was also under the house’s influence, though not nearly as strongly as Eleanor (Theo has a strong sense of self, and therefore more defenses against the house, than Eleanor).
Eleanor indicates towards the end, when she’s almost completely consumed by the place, that the house sees Theodora as an adversary (sorry, I don’t have the book in front of me at the moment, or I’d pull out the quote), which suggests it’s made at least some exploratory moves towards her, as well.
There’s a scene where Theodora finds blood on her clothing, and shouts imprecations at Eleanor, only to suddenly become cheerful when Luke comes in.
Side question: is it blood? Luke asks Dr. Montague if it’s blood, doc shakes his head. “‘I would swear that it was blood, and yet to get so much blood one would almost have to … ‘ and then was abruptly quiet.” Eleanor thinks “It must be paint, she told herself; it’s simply got to be paint; what else could it be?” The smell is “atrocious.”
I always thought it must be Theodora’s nail polish—the polish that Nell uses on her own toenails and calls “wicked”—but maybe that’s just an idea I got in my head when I was a kid reading it the first time. But one bottle of nail polish wouldn’t be very much liquid, so perhaps I’m way off.
(In the film, I think the polish is pink; in the book, it’s red.)
I always thought it was blood, but it was also…not ever really there? Mrs. Montague takes a look in Theo’s room and everything’s fine, and Theo’s clothes are perfectly fine. I always took it to be a collective, house-induced hallucination to drive a wedge between Theo and Eleanor (which it does).
(Reply to Elsa is Emily in the Haunting of Hill House thread)
I always thought it was blood, but it was also…not ever really there?
That does make sense. When Nell is grasping at excuses not to leave Hill House, she says she can’t go because Theo won’t have anything to wear, but the others assure her that Theo’s clothes are fine. So the (whatever it was) is a manifestation of the house’s, a sort of folie a quatre it imposed on all four witnesses? Innnnnteresting.
I’m inclined to think you’re right, though it upsets what I always viewed as one of the most ambiguous scenes: I always thought we were intended to believe Eleanor ruined Theo’s clothes and room, both out of jealousy over Luke and to drive Theo closer to her: into her room, into her clothes.
Of course, if you read Hill House’s antics as a manifestation of Eleanor’s unconscious desires, it’s still Nell that produces the illusion… but I always wondered if we were intended to believe Nell consciously, willfully went into Theo’s room and spilled[nail polish, whatever] all over her clothing. Theo certainly thinks so. “‘I don’t know how you managed it.'” I’ll have to reconsider this scene.
Sorry for the lateness; the comment section was going nuts on my home computer.
It’s the one incident that Eleanor isn’t really…I’m trying to think of the word. Bothered by, I guess? I do think she was responsible for the writing on the walls (though I don’t think she was aware she was doing it), and the discovery of it terrified her. This one, she describes as “a joke that didn’t come off”. I think you’re right that it’s a manifestation of her unconscious desires (her jealousy of Theo, that Theo is openly everything Eleanor wants but is afraid to reach for), but I think it’s the house doing it on its own that time, not doing it through Eleanor. Since she wasn’t directly involved, she’s not scared by it.
It seems to have done more damage this way, which I think was the point. If it’s the manifestation of her unconscious desires, then seeing it happen without her involvement would have reinforced for her that she’s right to be jealous of Theo — her attitude towards Theo (and the others, but mostly Theo) disintegrates dramatically after this.
(I don’t think it was nail polish. Wasn’t there something about it smelling like blood? Nail polish smells more like alcohol to me; it’s pretty distinctive.)
but Eleanor is…well.
THAT’S IT
THAT’S THE WHOLE BOOK
My boss wants me to move to Portland from SF. My job is not on the line, I could either stay in SF or go to Portland, but my company’s main office is there. I hate my current living situation and the prospects for changing it are not good if I stay, but I am not sure I want to commit to this job for several more years either. So…what do you think?
Pros:
Better, cheaper housing
Several good friends there already
Outdoors-y
Better chance of promotion
Cons:
Further away from my family
Fewer other jobs if I left this one
I’d have a commute since the office is in a suburb I don’t want to live in
More of a small-town feel (this could be either good or bad)
Does your move automatically mean you have to stay at that job for several more years? If you think you’d like to move to Portland, and they’ll pay for your move, and in a year or two you decide to move on, then you have three choices: look for a job in Portland, look to relocate to SF (I’m sure a lot of hiring managers hear “I moved to XYZ for a job and now I’m looking to move back”), or move literally anywhere else you like! Getting oneself out of a bad living situation is a MAJOR pro for moving, in my opinion.
All of this, plus, maybe the Portland version of the job will be just slightly better and you’ll feel better about staying a bit longer. Or, maybe it will be just slightly worse and that will make it easier to decide to leave.
See, it makes so much sense when you say it like that. I do have a tendency to treat decisions like this as “OMG final!1!!” but it’s just a move, right?
Can you talk to your boss about trying it for a year or something? A coworker of mine moved cities to work at another branch with the option of staying there permanently. But he hated the other city and ended up moving back as soon as his lease was up
SF will still be there after you give this new place a try for a couple of years. I say make the move! You have little to lose and much to gain.
True, this city ain’t going anywhere bar catastrophic earthquake BUT…given the current housing situation and how bad it’s getting still – if you leave the SF Bay Area right now you likely won’t be able to get back in again any time soon, unless you win the lottery (or the tech bubble bursts, but even then things will only drop so much). This is my main reason for staying put for the time being; if I leave I need to be sure I’m ok with leaving forever.
This is all true, but I was forced to move out of my old place less than two years ago so I’m close to market rate as it is. Financially I think this would be a wash, rent is cheaper there but I’d need a car and I’d have to fly home to see family. It’s more a quality of life question, i.e., do you want to be in a noisy “big city” atmosphere with huge income disparity or in a more low-key place with people able to live happily at multiple income levels?
I am currently debating that exact same quality of life question. Currently, I’m slightly more in favor of SF, and all that encompasses, but the Portlandy feelings (the low key, the better quality of life for more incomes, the greenspace/more room, etc) are growing. At the moment it’s a moot point but in a year or so, when moving is more practical, I think I’ll be solidly in favor of the lifestyle change.
I am admittedly biased since I a) just visited PDX for the first time last weekend and fell head-over-heels in love with it and b) I am also growing tired of SF and the pace of life and the tech boom and my roommates and the absolutely ridiculous cost of housing and the dirt and the drought…but I say go. RUN AWAY TO PORTLAND AND DON’T LOOK BACK.
I’d like to hug and also second/third/fourth/infinitieth everyone above who has said that this has been the worst week. THE WORST. Well, worst two weeks really. For the first time in my life, I really feel lonely and worried that I just don’t have time to put in the effort needed to meet people. And I have to take out a loan to buy a car, which is really freaking me out. And also relationships are terrible and hard and whothefuckknows how to make them work? I just want to go home and watch Scandal and cry.
Should I take you out for drinks or should I just bring ice cream and bourbon to your our house? If you’re in central Texas I’ll do it. If you’re elsewhere, please accept virtual hugs.
Have just made a bourbon-drink! Feeling slightly less crap already.
I am having the worst week so I have been cheering myself by looking up facts about water bears (tardigrades) because they are adorable, and also invincible, and I need some of that.
Ooo yes, I have been comforting myself with pics of orcas. Also invincible.
It’s been a shit couple of weeks over here too. Hugs freely given. Also Scandal and crying (and wine) has been my coping mechanism, too.
Good morning dear toasties, I hope you are all having a wonderful Friday!
I’m sick in bed right now, which is a whole pile of no-fun, but I plan to go take a long bath and drink tea soon, so it could be a lot worse. Are my comments still going directly to moderation? 🙁 I don’t know why, did I say something horrible once and now I’m not allowed to say anything? or is it just the new account? or do computers just hate me specifically? I used to be cuntessvonfingerbang, by the way, but I switched to match my twitter account again.
This one showed up! I hope you feel better!!
Yayyyyy!!!! So excited! And thank you. 🙂 I have a warm dog to cuddle me, so that’s something. She says hi.
http://i.imgur.com/luj98M1.jpg
DAWWWWWWWWWWWWdoggie
Hello Toasties! Does anyone have advice about getting a tragus piercing? I really want to go do it tomorrow but I’m kind of terrified. I don’t have any piercings other than regular earlobe piercing, which I got in 3rd grade (apparently my 3rd grade self was much braver than my current self).
Yes! I got one…oh gosh, five years ago? and I love it! The pain is honestly over very quick, but the thing that threw me off with mine was that my piercer used a piece of hollow tube to gently block the opening to my ear in case they overpierced, I guess, and there was a really ridiculous CRUNCH! noise as it entered the tube. After that, no trouble! As long as you take good care of it (sea salt soaks, don’t play with it too much, keep it clean) you should be fine! I have a small CBR in mine but most of my friends have a stud, which may be easier to heal.
I really love mine and think of it as a cute little friend so I hope you like it if you choose to get one!
I really love mine as well! The healing process was a little obnoxious because I’m a stomach-sleeper, so that was a side of my head I couldn’t lay on for a while, but definitely worth it. I second the gentle sea salt soaks! Warm water that is about as salty as your tears is best.
How exactly do you soak your ear in salt water?
I buy saline at the pharmacy (CVS and Walgreens both have it in my experience) and spray it either on to the piercing to irrigate, or onto a cotton ball and then hold it on. Another trick is to warm a little bit of the saline in the microwave in a shot glass (<10 seconds! and let it cool a bit first) and and then soak a cotton ball in it, and hold that to the piercing. The heat helps you heal up faster.
Source: nostril and industrial piercings
(@ellehmariat in case reply fails)
I got one about a month ago and I love it! It didn’t really hurt at all for me. My piercer had me lay on my side, and I don’t think I ever even saw the needle. It never hurt except when something touched it, and now it doesn’t hurt at all. I couldn’t sleep on that side for about two weeks but now I can and it doesn’t bother me at all. I just clean it twice a day with saline. You can make it at home, but I’m lazy so I just buy saline at the drugstore.
One thing that I hadn’t thought of — I had to replace my earbuds with over-the-ear headphones. I prefer them, so I don’t mind, but if you’re reeeeally attached to earbuds, it might be something to think about. But do it! It’s a cute lil piercing!
eta: I took this about an hour after getting it done! Sorry for the awful quality:
Awesome! I remember a while ago everyone was recommending you to get one so I’m glad to hear that you had a good experience with it. I think I will do it!
I’m a bit late to this, but I, too, have a tragus piercing that I’m very happy with. I agree with others who have said that it heals nicely (better than some other piercings — way quicker and simpler than my eyebrow piercing, eg).
As to the earbud thing, that came as a surprise to me, too (I don’t know why…). Anyway, I have found that some earbuds work better than others (personally, I’ve had good luck with the Apple ones) and it is often just a matter of situating the earbud carefully. (I wear a captive ball ring all the time in my tragus piercing and I move the ball out of the way of the earbud.)
Mine hurt less than my cartilage piercings and healed much easier. I would put it on a par pain wise with regular earlobe piercings, except they do it with a needle so is slower and feels a bit weirder. I soaked cotton wool in saline solution to clean it every day.
Inspired by noodge4lyfe’s search for a pole dance song upthread, what are your stripper songs? I mean, the songs you’re planning to dance to when you eventually get tired of barely paying your student loans (maybe this is just me idk)
mine are:
Ratatat – 17 Years
Fiction Family – Avalon
Santigold – ‘Disparate Youth’
TOBACCO – ‘Father Sister Berserker’
(if this is waylaid it is in response to BobbieWickham)
Blundercouple update: our first therapy appointment is Monday!
I am excited, because it feels like we’ve been in a holding pattern since late September, where he is remorseful and has massive guilt about his behavior but no clue how to make it better and I am…classically just sort of ignoring it because I don’t know what to do with it either. I can tell I’m feeling it, though, because my anxiety is through the roof and I’m doing slightly out-of-the-ordinary self-soothing things (Kid Robot, anyone?), so just: yay. Super excited and a little nervous.
Also, I have a recommendation for my solo counseling debut as well, but I am NOT impressed with the doctor’s approach to scheduling. The recommendation came in the form of an email address, so I emailed the doctor. THREE days later, he replied and asked me to call his office to schedule an appointment. I did: on Tuesday. No one has replied, and I left multiple phone numbers, even though I’m loathe to talk on the phone. Is this delay normal? Should I care? Because I care and I’m finding it really disheartening.
(It’s not that hard to get myself into the couples counseling, because there’s another person involved. But getting myself into some solo therapy? I’ve never done it, and it’s terrifying, and this guy isn’t helping!)
(Also, if you say to a therapist, “Email is better” and they respond with “please call me,” is it ok to find that annoying? I have no idea what the standard for reasonableness is here.)
Thanks, as always, for your unflagging support and good humor during these dark and stupid times. Love.
Toastfriends I had a magical milkshake with lunch and suddenly everything is better. If y’all have an Arby’s by you, go get one of their crème brulee milkshakes I promise your self-loathing will be bare minimum.
Crème . . . brulee . . . milkshake.
BRB must take very late lunch out.
am i comment #1000
you are comment #1000 in my heart
Thank you I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you. My friends, family and fans. I’d also like to thank God, and the Academy, and the troops.
Household Opera, I’m so glad you’re joining in! I love The Haunting, and it has got to be the best of the strangers-assemble-in-haunted-house flicks.
blunderbusst, I was just about to ask you about this when I saw you were on the thread. GOOD ON YOU for taking these steps. Knowing when you need to call in expert assistance, and actually doing it, is a major, major Adult Achievement Unlocked. I salute you! You are brave and smart and those qualities will stand you in good stead during this weird growing time.
While the delay is happening, you might as well go back to whoever gave you the recommendation and explain that there’s a delay / nonresponsiveness and you would like a backup person in case this person fails to get back to you. The “please call me” thing is a little weird but it’s mostly weird combined with the lack of communication overall — if everything else about this person and his office were friendly, helpful, communicative and efficient … (another reason to see if you can get a backup referral).
THANK YOU, kjschapira! As I am waiting, I am realizing that there are several things I would like to address in therapy, so that’s kind of cool. Clearing the scheduling hurdle feels like the hardest part.
Do you think I should make a follow-up call? It’s hard not to feel, like, date-rejected or something.
I committed to NaNoWriMo on a whim. After 30 seconds of euphoria, I am now in panic mode. What have I done?!
Don’t panic. Consider word count, not quality. Success is measured by effort, not result. Relax. Just write. Just writing is good for you. Like just walking. You can’t help but make progress. Even if you throw out the whole month’s output, the benefits will remain. You will have invested in yourself daily, a daily personal kindness. Your writing skills will be better for it, even if you never give thought to them. You can do this!
God bless you. This is exactly what I needed to hear.
Sure, make a follow-up call, if you can fight down the phone-hatred. Call today, if it’s still work hours there. Remind them who referred you and that you called on Tuesday.
I know you were partly kidding, but it’s not a rejection and it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It MIGHT indicate that this person is habitually nonresponsive, or it might indicate that his kid has the flu, or that the radiator on his car burst, or something. It could be good to meet him even in a “let me rule out qualities I would NOT like in a therapist” kind of way.
This is for blunderbusst, IntenseDebate, LIKE YOU EVEN CARE.
Thank you for the reality check, kjschapira. I am usually the one to point out when something is probably not someone intentionally being a dick, so that was really helpful. And I really appreciate the idea of ruling out something I don’t like.
(You made me guffaw with that jab at IntenseDebate. FWIW, I am getting email notifications about replies even if the replies don’t thread correctly, so at least I can read them and then hunt them down.)
Hmm. I know we all keep mentioning the comments being weird, and I’ve gone from disliking it to appreciating the surrealism back to disliking it again, but can anyone explain WHY they’re being weird? Inquiring low-tech minds want to know.
Idk about you, but I’ve been enjoying how a) we’re all taking it in stride and b) we’ve managed to find and reply to each other even in this escher-esque maze the problem has created.
I do like it! It’s like organizing communication in a tent city after a disaster. I feel like when I go to bed tonight there could be a comment on a Post-It on my pillow.
I am so that creepy friend. “Thank you for being nice to me in the internets today, Heather S. Sleep well. Also, I left you some pasta in the fridge.”
I had a dream where we had Friday Open Thread but it was in real life. It was also a New Years Party?
Needless to say it was totally rad, would dream again, A+
I don’t go out on NYE, but I would go to that party.
HEY LADIES, Let’s … got to a super chill NYE party with other toasties, it’ll be rad
Oh, man. Best creepy roommate ever if you’re leaving me pasta! I would actually be sad to have the place to myself, since we could be eating it together in front of the TV.
LA TOASTIES!??
Where are you? I’m a creepy lurker stepping out of the shadows. Are there any meetups/hangouts going on? I promise I’m weird in a charming way, not a scary way!
I’ve seen a few people talk about LA before, might have to post it earlier during the cocktail hours given how busy this thread gets now!
I’ve been working in my local library and I finally got back in the kid’s room where I can wander around (in between Toast reading), pulling out girl-centric display titles. Just living my Toastiest life.
So, I am a PhD student in musicology. This semester, I have a part-time job cataloguing the microfilms in the music library (there’s about a 30-year backlog of microfilms, mostly music manuscripts, that no one ever bothered to catalog). Part of my job involves scanning all of these microfilms, figuring out exactly what is on them, and counting how many pages each manuscript has, since that is one of the cataloguing fields. Doing this last bit is making me feel like The Count from Sesame Street. Four! Four pages of Donizetti String Quartet! Ah ah ah ah ah!!!! (Thunderclap.)
+500 for Sesame Street reference!
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PhD, DO YOU LOVE IT, IS IT AMAZING?
I was a performance major who discovered far, far too late to do anything about it that I wanted to be a musicology major instead (or, I could have technically switched, but I was also getting a degree in engineering and the thought of staying ANOTHER year to switch my fun major while losing all financial aid made me feel lightheaded); I’m still secretly debating in my heart of hearts whether or not it would be a good idea to take the plunge and PhD up.
toasties! I have gotten so many awesome postcards! And am late on posting about them. One of them is a ghost from the UK, another says Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery, one of awesome dogs from GisiAuLait, a Pure Michigan card from practicalcat, a REPLY postcard from Philadelphia, one from Edinburgh-NY from Angelon.
[intended for BellaG in the Haunting of Hill House thread]
And you’re right that Eleanor’s entire experience is filtered through her skewed perceptions. On her journey to Hill House, she encounters both the anxious older woman of no means who lashes out (“‘Damn you damn you!,’ the little lady screamed, her face pushed up close to Eleanor’s”) and the little girl who smiles at her and firmly insists on her cup of stars. The book (and film) presents female stories and archetypes of every age, but Eleanor identifies most with the little girl and (with a fearful eye to her possible future) the solitary crone.
Apologies if this is a duplicate; I submitted, and the comment section went wacko, and I think the post got lost.
I’ve just re-read that section (this thread (Hill House thread) has inspired me to do another re-read), and I think the important part is the woman’s reaction to being knocked over (screaming “damn you damn you”), and Eleanor’s reaction to her. The first thing we learn about Eleanor is that she hated her mother, that her life with her mother was made up of guilt-trips and obligations. This woman is older, she berates Eleanor, she guilt-trips Eleanor, and she makes Eleanor do something for her.
This is basically all of Eleanor’s triggers at once. And that’s the important part, I think: what triggers her, and how she reacts to it (she immediately becomes submissive). It’s what the house plays upon later.
any tips on running shoes that are actually fun enough to wear around town?
My physical therapist has really been driving home to my that I have to take care of injuries and do as much of my daily walking as possible in running shoes, which is so very much not my style. Though a lot less painful. Bright colors, streamlined design, good brands, anything that makes a running shoe look a little more reasonable to be wearing on city streets — please let me know! I will be very very grateful. (Right now I have a sober navy-and purple set of Nikes that are ok but I feel very homely in them). Thanks!!
I really like and get lots of compliments on my New Balances http://www.zappos.com/new-balance-wo69v1-purple-i… because they’re comfortable and cheerful colors and can do allll the walking at work without my feet wanting to die.
I have similar New Balance runners in black and white, and they’re relatively cute and super comfy. I tried to find the exact pair on their website but I guess it’s a previous year’s style. But I did find these amazing glow in the dark runners. Is my inner candy kid showing or are these totally cool? http://www.newbalance.ca/Minimus%2010v2%20Glow%20…
I love my navy and silver Ryka Dash. If you are looking for something more fun (pricier, though, around 100-160), Asics has a bunch of very brightly colored running shoes that are also super comfortable and good for running.
Before I go extolling the virtues of my many, many pairs of Brooks, it might be a good idea to go to a specialty running/walking store if there’s one close by and get properly fitted. Every brand (and every model and every update of every model) fits differently. I have a high arch and tend to roll my feet outward when I walk, so there are specific things I need in a shoe that are VERY VERY DIFFERENT from someone with a low arch or flat foot that rolls inside, even for walking only. It will probably take an hour or so to try on and walk in enough shoes but it will be an hour extremely well-spent. Aesthetics are definitely important, though! Most, if not all, running shoes come in a variety of colorways, so once you’ve found The Shoe, you can always check online to see if there’s a specific look that you love. Happy shopping!!
/extremely passionate about running shoes
I’m running in a pair of eyeball-searing yellow Mizunos right now and love them. Their designs are really bright and fun and kind of in your face, which I like a lot. http://www.zappos.com/mizuno-womens~3
Adidas might be good if you want something that looks a little more low-key, they’ve been redesigning all their running shoes lately and they’ve been getting great reviews (I maybe read too much about running shoes). I’ve never bought running shoes from them but their soccer shoes have always been great for me. http://www.adidas.com/us/women-running-shoes1-sho…
Ooooh I ran in Adidas for YEEEARS, but my feet like a lower drop than most of the Adidas line offers. Brooks 4EVA.
sidebar that pictures from my marathon just went up and they are not. pretty.
My last pair of shoes were Brooks and they were comfortable but always felt fairly heavy (I had the Ravenna 4). I have shitty, extremely low arches, so I need decent support or my big toe joints start getting all messed up, which is no fun. Sounds like we have exact opposite foot problems!
Yes, it does! I don’t know if anything Brooks has out right now is as stable as the Ravenna but lighter…
eta–the new Transcends are really pretty and sound like they’d work for you but they’re somewhat heavier than the new Ravennas.
Seconding the Mizuno rec. Good colors, they have a smaller profile then a more traditional running shoe (like Brooks – I used to use Brooks but they “upgraded” my style and it’s way too bulky now, like running in flippers) without being a support/padding-less minimalist shoe.
Nike is all about this right now! Pick up another pair that are more your style.
I dig Tigers. Some are much thicker-soled than others. Also, not sure if they’re supportive enough for you, but Vans too (especially for more low-key styles).
Tigers are super cute, but I don’t think they’re very supportive — my boyfriend has gone through a couple pairs and I definitely remember him complaining that they were very hard and flat.
Depends on the model. I’ve had a couple pairs of the hard/flat ones but wore Ultimate 81s for distance running with no problems (sadly, not that pair). I don’t have arch problems or anything though.
I enjoy my silver/purple/green Asics, which don’t seem to be on sale anymore, but I like them because they’re mostly gray/silver but have hints of purple and neon green, which are fun to accessorize with. So that would be my recommendation – plain-ish shoes with bits of bright color that can be pulled into your outfit somehow.
I do agree that you should try on lots of brands to make sure you find one that feels good. They’re all really different.
Are you looking specifically for a running shoe, or would a lace-up supportive shoe that is more casual sneaker style also work? Clarks has a lot of nicer-looking lace up options that I’d assume are pretty supportive (since their shoes usually are) although not a full-on running shoe.
I’m kind of digging these Merrels too.
Thank you, thank you, everyone for the suggestions! I should maybe clarify that I’m not running anywhere in them — I’m supposed to use them for everyday walking (because of a floating kneecap that is cheerfully destroying its own cartilage from the inside, so I need external shock absorbers). The physical therapist says that running shoes have the most shock absorption compared to any other type of comfort or therapy shoe (which, anecdotally, feels completely true), so that is why I am going for them.
My dream is some kind of red or blue and silver snappy thing that looks energetic and good with the kind of mostly-all-black outfits I often wear to work… but I may have to give that it up because that is really a different type of sneaker from the hardcore running shoe. But the Asics and Mizuna and some Sauconys look better than most – thank you all! & if there are any other suggestions please tell me — I would pay a fairly big buck to not look like a schmuck in my workplace while nonetheless wearing shoes to protect my knee.
(Other people can actually hear my knee in action, destroying itself, when I go up stairs — that is how loud the clicks are as the kneecap wears itself away against other bones! It is sort of morbidly fascinating — body as machine).
I’m really curious to know what works out for you! I have what sounds (literally, you can hear that shit) like the same problem, but I haven’t been to a physical therapist in years, and have gone through lots of pairs that are great at first them don’t feel as good. Report back, pleeease!
Greetings, comrade perfumista! I sometimes post reviews on parfumo.net, and like you, I struggle with describing what is essentially subjective preference. But the journey through hundreds of tiny samples and larger decants to what is now my basic collection — so worth it.
And I do love Lutens. Just as there is a Guerlinade, and (to a lesser extent) a Goutal signature in the base of many of her fragrances, there is (often but not in every fragrance) a Lutens woody something that one either gloms onto or does not. I glom.
Mail just came and I got a Toast Post! A beautiful card from of Juneau, Alaska from Simone (I think, the post office stamped a bar code over your name). Thanks!
Also, last week I got one from Faith with a picture of Smith College. Thank you, too!
I have all my postcards lined up on the window behind my computer along with a card from Liz Climo and one from Phil and Kaja Foglio for doing the kickstarter for the newest issue of Girl Genius. Something nice to look at when the world just gets to be too much.
Toasties? I need some thoughts. My husband has his masters in the humanities, had started a PhD but didn’t finish, and after years of adjuncting and nothing further happening job-wise and the student loan debt only going up, not down, he has finally decided that he needs to move on. He told me that he is now considering getting a second masters in either museum studies or library science. I am concerned, because while sure I don’t doubt that he’d enjoy those jobs, I’ve always gotten the impression those are terrible for jobs fields? My fear is that either path will just be another 50k in debt and him still working retail with a “but this isn’t my real job” attitude 5 years from now. Is this justified? Or is this a pretty viable strategy for some kind of long term career plan? (I figure there must be some toast commentators with similar degree paths)
One of my exes did pretty much exactly this–got a master’s and half a PhD in a frustratingly obscure branch of the humanities, then got an MLS. He’s pretty happily employed at this point as an academic librarian, which still lets him play in the stacks and read about aforementioned frustratingly obscure branch of the humanities, so it worked out.
I have heard the same thing–and both those jobs (museums and libraries) are HEAVY competitive. Very competitive. Are you both willing to move for his job? Will he be OK with being a poorly-paid entry-level employee while restarting his new career? It sounds like he may have a touch of “This will show me to my new career” which is not always accurate. Additional degrees can make job-hunting more challenging, not less.
http://www.askamanager.org/2011/12/thinking-about… and other assorted articles.
Ugh, I would be willing to (whining, maybe, but willing!) because my job is a bit more flexible, not like “no matter where I go they’ll be beating down my door to hire me!” but I think I’d find work and would be able to support us, but he’s been very picky before – like a few months ago a couple of jobs came up that match his current credentials, and he only applied to two of them because the others were either in areas he didn’t like (red states) or he didn’t like something about the application. He’d be fine with poorly paid entry level positions because right now it is just poorly paid positions that will never lead anywhere, sooo, that’d be a change! But yeah, ugh, I just have a bad feeling about this.
I don’t want to slam your husband, BUT. That doesn’t sound like a very good way to start. I have plenty of friends who are both librarians or trying to become museum professionals (with museum postgrad degrees), and overwhelmingly, the job market is crappy for both. There are a lot of times when you will have to apply for jobs where you don’t like every single little thing about the position because that’s what is open to you. Or you’ll end up moving a goodly distance for a job (for him) that may not end up being a direct path to good fortune, you know?
The thing about grad school is that if you aren’t pursuing it for a really concrete reason (I want to be a lawyer, I need a law degree–I want to be a speech pathologist, I need a Master’s in speech pathology), it can be really, really difficult to break out of that bubble. Your husband is already going to have trouble because he’ll have two advanced degrees, and if he’s already not willing to take jobs that don’t sound 100% perfect, he is going to have Issues.
Yeah, I would definitely view all of these careers as being essentially like academia, in that you really need to be willing to move, or else take the equivalent of an adjunct position.
I started working full-time before finishing my humanities PhD (I am still not finished). I spent about a year and a half working crappy, underpaid jobs (that still paid more than my TA stipend though). Then I got a slightly better-paying entry-level job with great benefits, and then after 8 months there happened to be an opening that I was qualified for. So now I have a solidly mid-level job, great benefits, nice grown-up things. I am still wondering what I want to do, really do, but at least I have no additional tuition to pay.
My feeling is that even if you get a nice degree in a humanities field, you still have to start out in entry level. One of my underpaid jobs was in visitor services at a big museum, and nearly everyone in the department had or was getting an advanced degree, and we were all making $10/hour.
The job market is tough, really tough, but at least if you’re working your way up from the bottom you’re earning a bit of money, networking, etc.
Here are some resources I found helpful as a recovering academic: http://scribaltattoo.wordpress.com/resources-for-…
My boyfriend has an MLS and he’s spent years working low-paying/short-term jobs in the field. He recently accepted a better job but it’s in a corporate setting that wasn’t really his dream.
My mom has an MLS and the job scene is apparently so bad right now that they didn’t even hire to replace her when she retired because they’re closing libraries in her city or something. And my friend who works in museum studies spent years jumping from grant to grant (and having to relocate) before she finally landed a permanent job in a museum in a town she hates and she can’t really say much for the job, either. Sooooooooo. Yeah. Job market’s not great for either of those. Sorry.
Given that I sent off all my assigned ToastCards earlier this week and they are (or will be) arriving to their intended recipients soon: a formal apology for my handwriting. If I was less squeamish about blood, I would’ve become a doctor.
Also! If any of you have already read the books I recommended, let me know–I shall provide you with a new suggestion, as I have many books I love.
Anyone have advice on being AWFUL at staying in contact with people?
I’ve been feeling so guilty about this. And then I don’t get in contact with people because I feel guilty, and then more time passes, and I feel more and more guilty… I feel awful. I always say I’m going to do better, but I can’t.
It’s getting especially bad with my biological mother. We’ve only been in contact for about 4 years, and she’s perfection incarnate. She’s warm and caring and sweet and has gone so out of her way to be in contact with me, and all I can manage is a shitty email every few months. I’m really trying, but I just don’t know how. And now I’m getting all teary at work. Advice?
Send a regular update email to all your people — I do one every three months or so, so it’s been long enough for me to actually have something to say. I send vacation pictures, talk about what I’ve been reading lately — it doesn’t have to be heavy life update stuff. And the people you send it to will respond, and then you can say ‘why don’t we have a nice chat on the phone’ or something more personal, and it goes from there. And even if you fall out of contact, in another three months they’ll have a new email reminding them of you. Works for me!
Perhaps send the people you care about (like your biological mother) a message explaining that you are very bad at keeping in touch, but that you *are* trying to get better. Make it clear that you don’t mean to offer this up as an excuse or a disclaimer, just that you want them to know that it’s because you’re not good at this, and not because you don’t care about them because you do care. Maybe that will make you feel better about getting in touch with people again now and also less embarrassed in future at getting back in touch if you end up being bad at it again.
In terms of getting better at it, are you any better at responding on say, facebook or texts rather than email? If so perhaps try changing the medium through which you communicate with them? Also how about calling people during ‘dead’ time, like when you’re walking between two places on your own? Also, important thing – you can just send a two line email. It doesn’t have to be the height of epistolary genius.
Also, it might comfort you to know I’ve had a couple of people get in touch with me recently that hadn’t responded and fallen out of touch with me and my response has always been ‘Oh how nice!’
For my parents and my sister, it helped me a lot to set a goal of phoning every two weeks, and to set reminders and things. I am terrible about staying in contact with everyone else, though.
I think any goal of the form “I will try to contact [person] via [means of communication] every [time period]” would help, because it provides something concrete to aim for, rather than a nebulous “I should contact [person] more often.”
No advice just commiseration. I am the absolute worst at this. Deep meaning full friendships? Mother? Doesn’t matter if you are not in my line of sight I will not contact you but I will feel like shit about it constantly.
I am not great at keeping in touch, but one thing I do to mitigate my not-greatness is sending actual paper mail. I used to keep an envelope of stamped postcards and birthday cards in my bag so when I was standing in line (at the bank, at the grocery, waiting for a train, whatever), I could just jot down a few lines and drop it in a mailbox. You can even pre-address them if that makes it easier.
It’s not much, but it’s something, and most people love getting actual mail along with their junk mail, so it makes a big impact for the effort it takes.
I also try to reframe how I feel about my not-greatness. Guilt just makes it harder to do what I want to do; remembering that I want to be in touch (rather than “I should be in touch”) spurs me to call or email or write more often.
I freed myself from the idea that I have to have NEWS or INFORMATION or ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR to share. I might just write a line saying “It’s pouring rain here, which gives me a chance to wear my rain boots. I hope you’re enjoying your weather!” or whatever nonsense-nothing is happening at the moment. I share a link or tell a small story or whatever.
Also, of course, in most cases, it’s a two-way street: I am not the only one who can reach out. When I remember that, it’s easier to push past my guilt and just drop an line.
Me too. I finally had enough of my own nonsense and thought about the things I get done without fail. I never fail to pay the bills on time. OK. Now I keep a stack of index cards with my bill-paying supplies. Each card bears the name of someone I want to keep in touch with. I’m not done paying the bills until I’ve reached out at least 3 of those people.
That is a great idea, except I only pay bills on time because of autopay… I have had some success with buying a big bag of peanut butter m&ms and letting myself eat one after each email I send (or 5 if it’s a hard one to write). Of course, then I get a bunch of replies all at once, and I just used up everything I had to say, so I put off replying again…
No, not pairing with bill-paying. Pairing with something *you* never fail to do regularly. Brushing your teeth? Putting gas in the car? Getting a haircut? Withdrawing cash at the ATM?
I like your M&Ms technique.
Before I submitted my PhD 3 weeks ago, I had so many cool plans as to what I was going to do afterwards when I’ll have all this time and was SO EXCITED about these future projects and partying and seeing all my friends again. But instead, now, I just want to stay in bed and do nothing and I really regret signing myself up to organise a thing for this charity which I now have to do even though I don’t feel up to it. I don’t even really feel like seeing anyone even though I’m usually a super-sociable person. When I finished my thesis, I joked ‘It’s a boy!’ but now I feel like I have post-PhD depression or something. Urgh. I really hope I get over it soon. 🙁
It’s okay to be bummed. You’re not alone. This happens to a lot of people. Grit your teeth through the thing you signed up for and then give yourself a couple weeks to just hermit and chill and (let’s be honest) mourn for this part of your life that is over. It’s okay. You’re okay.
Just what I needed to hear — thank you. x
Also just reading through the posts and realised what a hard time you’re having and I think you’re amazing that you took the time to care about my (let’s face it – kinda self-indulgent) woes when you have so much on your plate. So, double thank you and praying (if agnostics can do that) that things will get better soon for you and that the stupid insurance company get their act together.
Aw, thank you, bb. Remember, though, that comparing our woes to those of others is a sure road to even more misery. You’re 100% entitled to feel angry or sad about your own problems, no matter how much *finger quotes* “worse” others have it. And you’re also 100% entitled to as much sympathy and comforting as you need.
My best friend growing up is a mega evangelical Christian living in Kazakhstan doing missionary work. I’m an atheist divorcee. We don’t talk any more, we grew apart before high school, but I miss her sometimes.
I just had an interview with my company’s HR and my boss– talking about reclassifying my position. I’m not exactly nervous about it, but that was pretty intense just now.
Unfortunately, I FUCKING HATE MY SWEATER I AM WEARING I HATE IT SO MUCH but my office is icy cold and I have to wear one and this is the only one I have. I should burn it to force myself to buy a new one, which needs to be nice enough for work but still actually function as a sweater. So basically my options are all black blazers but all my dresses are already black, oh my god I am the worst at being femme but it’s also what I’m best at.
Also it’s my birthday.
So I guess I better go buy myself a sweater.
If your dresses are all black could you not get away with a tasteful colour or ever a print?
…I have never worked in an office in my life, but there has to be a solution that isn’t wear all black all the time.
Yeah, I’m getting there. My problem is that I hate matching my outfits in the morning (hence the dresses) so I have mainly black dresses and colored cardigans. Anything beyond that kindof blows my mind. But. I’m getting there.
Not as extreme but I do sympathise — my best friend for many years is a pretty devout Christian and we’ve drifted apart, partly because we just don’t really have anything in common anymore and partly because I can’t really be bothered to deal with her stance of ‘I’m not going to be rude to gay people to their faces but if you’re going to ask, yes they are sinning in the eyes of God.’ But I sometimes still think about how close we were in our childhood. These things happen though and I’m sure you have found and will continue to find amazing new friends. x
Toasties! I need your help trying to suss out the name of a YA fantasy novel about witches that I read in the late 80s. I don’t remember much about it but I do recall the name of the villain was Carmody Brach. Google gives me two pages of results when I search that name with quotes. I also remember a little part of the book that said if a boy is born a witch he is usually born with an obvious birth defect such as a cleft lip. Not remembering the title or author of this book is driving me to distraction. Here’s hoping someone will see this and know the answer. Or have better prowess with the Googles than I do.
Is it The Changeover by Margaret Mahy?
Oh my heavens, Margaret Mahy! Did you read The Tricksters? I read it so many times and can’t remember a thing about it!
I didn’t! I just made some lucky guesses on the Googling front. But perhaps I should.
Oh my goodness! Yes, finally. I would weep at your feet if I could. Thank you so much! I must read it again.
Don’t do it unless you’re really sure you want to. If I could go back and tell my younger self something, it would be to take a few years off between undergrad and PhD. (I would probably still have done it, just not immediately). But yeah, I love musicology (and I was a composer in undergrad, so yeah for field changes). At the moment, everything’s really stressful because I’m in the “need to finish this year, out of funding, oh god I need to find a job” phase, but I love the research part of it (writing is like pulling teeth for me, but it’s so satisfying to have something done. I finished a dissertation chapter a couple weeks ago and I was over the moon).
I am quitting caffeine, too, but I’ve been doing it slowly. One cup in the morning, the end. Still, I started this all last week and it was a terrible week. I was emotional, headachy, etc, etc. Now I just get completely zapped in the afternoon and fall asleep on BART a lot. Which kind of sucks.
At sixth grade camp, for whatever reason I decided to perform in the talent show. What was I going to do? I was going to sing a Good Charlotte song, of course. A capella because there was no music. Duh. So I go up on stage and start to sing my song into the microphone and people start laughing at me. I continue to sing but am confused, is my fly open? So I look down and no it is not. But then I hear it. The microphone is making noises that sound exactly like farts. Really loud farts. So I stop and the counselor is like umm are you done? And I said no because I wasn’t done with my song yet! So I finished singing it with no microphone. And then I run off stage and cry. Having 100 sixth graders laugh at you while you are on stage alone is not a fun thing.
eta: this is supposed to be in the embarassing stories thread
I’m doing it this year! Username meriweather if you want to add me for support. I finished the first year I did it back in… 9th grade? And then didn’t finish two years in a row. And then stopped doing it for… 6 years. Hah. “Losing” is not a big deal, I promise! You’ll still get a massive amount of writing done even if you just power through the first couple of days, and if the story doesn’t work out then maybe it wasn’t meant to be!. You’ll have learned something about your own writing style regardless.
This is such a great idea, I’m going to start doing that! I also need to write down everyone’s mailing address in one place.
I have never posted here before, but I have been an avid reader recently. I like it here.
I am having serious relationship issues and I am in a weird in-between state of mind where I just don’t know if this marriage is right or if I made a humongous mistake. Red flags everywhere. I am having a rough night and much red wine has been drunk and I am just feeling miserable and isolated and alone. My husband is hanging out downstairs, being all nice and offering to bring me soup and doing all of the things he does when he knows he’s fucked up royally and maybe he can be super nice and make it all okay. Not working.
I’m sorry. Been there. I’ve been married for nine years, but after we had been married for about three years we separated for nearly two to get ourselves together. Marriage is hard. Mine nearly didn’t make it, and I don’t know if it will for the long haul, to tell you the truth. Do you have someone you can stay with, someone neutral? That’s important, the outside-of-the-marriage support system, in case you decide you need some time apart. I wish you well, and I hope things work out for the best, whatever that may be.
Oh Kristen hi. I’m glad you’re here. I am also drinking some delicious red wine — cheers!
Would you like to chat? If you go to my username dot com, you will find a real name. That real name can turn into an email address at firstname dot lastname at gmail. I would love to email or chat. I don’t want you to get lost in the weeds in the comments here and also I have some concerns that are similar to yours.
I hope you are doing OK.
Did anyone mention soup, because soup! I was perusing the free section of the kindle store (because I’ll be damned if I’m paying for something I don’t have a hard copy of) and they have a couple of soup cookbooks, one of which is from 1894. 1894! Called “Twenty Quick Soups,” I will have you know I now have the knowledge to make such delicacies as Cream of Lettuce, and Cucumber Tapioca Soup. There is also a far more conventional and less exciting free soup book called “Hearty Soups: A Collection of Homemade Soups” that contains a recipe for cream of mushroom soup and various other typical soups and looks serviceable.
I’ve been reading this site since day one, but this open thread topic finally pushed me to create an account. Hello, everyone!
I just moved across the world from all of my closest friends, as well as my family, and even though the separation is (probably) temporary, I miss them all like crazy. One of them came to visit last week, and we had a wonderful time, but now she’s gone again.
Semi-related question: do any of you happen to live in Madrid? I know it’s a long shot, but I would love to meet some new people.
Thanks! Ugh, yes, not having a green or red light is the problem. I’m like, OK you dumbsh!t medical system, what the f*ck am I supposed to do with a YELLOW light?? And the sad thing is that my otherwise excellent-seeming GP is actually AMERICAN living in Canada, and even SHE’S answering like a Canadian doctor. During the call from the endo’s office, they said I’d have to do a fasting blood test for the preliminary appointment. I’ve never had to fast before for anything I was seeing an endocrinologist for, so I wanted to know *what* they were testing. The receptionist got quite nasty and said, “well, it would be inappropriate for me to discuss that with you since I’m not a MEDICAL DOCTOR. You’ll find out after the tests, when you’ll see her.” This is doing wonders for my anxiety, lemme tell ya–that I NEVER HAD before being worn down by the healthcare system here. I mean, I’ve been anxious without health insurance in the US, but it was nothing like this. Either I knew I had it and would get treatment and care and straight answers, or I didn’t have it and knew I wouldn’t. None of this in-between stuff.
And of course this is not so bad as last year, when I had to wait nine months while having PPD brought on by actual medical neglect during my pregnancy to find out what the large abdominal mass I had was, since my then-GP AND my OB f*cked up, or when I had to chase my then-endo to get the results of an ultrasound a month later–that she said indifferently were suspicious and needed a biopsy, and then another three months to get it all resolved after she said, “I can’t promise you that you WON’T die from this, but this is not a priority. It just needs to be done.” So it’s not as bad as waiting for months to find out if I have cancer or not while almost suicidally depressed, but it IS about my fertility and family planning and major life choices. I’d love a “yes” or “no” or “we don’t recommend it,” or “yes the tumor could grow if treatment is deferred if you get pregnant before the MRI, so here are the facts so you can make a choice.” And I tried to get that, and could not.
I had a similar problem when I had just an open work permit while waiting for permanent residence in-country. It said “this does not authorize reentry.” I called the appropriate authorities–the ONLY authorities–to find out if, as an American who can under ordinary circumstances go back and forth but for the living-in-country thing, if I went to the US, if I’d be allowed back in. THEY WOULD NOT NOT TELL ME. They would not even tell me if they weren’t telling me because it was at the discretion of the Canadian border guard. They were like, “well, we can’t say, but maybe. Maybe not. I guess you could try it, but we can’t guarantee.” As a result, I did not travel out of the country or see my family for over two years while I waited for PR to be processed. And then, recently, I found out that the answer was definitively yes, since I’m from a visa-free country, I COULD have gone to the US and come back. The “doesn’t authorize re-entry” thing was for people who are citizens of countries that need visas to Canada. NOT people who don’t. So why couldn’t they have told me that?? Same with this medical sh!t. OK, so help me G-d, if I don’t get a straight answer to my medical questions, my period, or bumped-up MRI and appointments, I am going to enact some kind of revenge. This is what happens when I am polite. Polite isn’t working. I’ve been polite with the healthcare system for years. I’m going to go for rude and vengeful. I would even happily do “violent” at this point if I could be sure it would get me only the desired results.
I’m sorry–you left me such a kind reply and here I am ranting at you. You are right–that would be the appropriate way to get things done in an appropriate system. But this one is anything but.
Oh my goodness I’m SO sorry. You are incredibly strong to get through that (and I’m sorry you had to be), and I wish doctors had answers, and that receptionists could be less of a pain. (and WHAT EVEN re:you not getting a straight/correct answer on whether you could visit the U.S.) Sorry if my advice came off as something you already knew/tried. It was the only thing I could think of hearing that timeline. To me, the key word was PEST, not polite. If that receptionist is unreceptive (ha), I guess getting a cancellation would be more energy than it’s worth (if even possible). I don’t know if it would help if you just mentally made it a red light until the MRI/diagnosis, and then green light after? The sole expertise I have is from a few PubMed summaries/my own dirty lens of a totally different kind of tumor growing BECAUSE of pregnancy (so no pregnancy for me, but it’s ok because I’ve had a lifetime to know that and a girlfriend who wants to be pregnant herself), but it looks like treatment options would just be limited, not zero, if you were pregnant. Again, it’s horrible having them disregard your very valid concerns, but hopefully you get answers soon. Sending good luck your way! (ETA: and obviously it would be better to have the doctor help you make that decision in a more informed way–but based on my experiences with medical care, eventually you have to make them yourself. and if it relieves your anxiety to make that decision at least for the moment then that might be the best of a bunch of terrible options.)
Oh my god this sounds like an absolute fucking nightmare. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know nothing about your health system (I’m from the UK) but if insurance or however it works would cover an emergency hospital visit, and you’re okay with lying to medical professionals (I seriously think it’s the only way to get the help you need sometimes) I would present at the emergency room with SOMETHING that means they pretty much HAVE to give you an MRI. Sooo, you could go for: the worst pain you’ve ever had at the base of your neck plus loss of bladder control following a sinus infection, or that you have concussion from fainting onto a very hard surface and you now are seeing distorted out of your right eye and have sudden tinnitus in your right eye, both of which you’ve never had before. After they’ve given you the MRI, you can say your symptoms are subsiding (you could have both from atypical migraines, so this might just be your first migraine ever). Emergency trips are the worst but it can really speed up your care, and at least if you plan them in advance you can pack a bag of things you’ll need (food, unless they make you go nil by mouth, a good book, phone charger, etc).
And for anybody who thinks I should get out of here if I don’t like it–you are absolutely right. We’re working on it.
Oh man, I meant to read this and I totally forgot about it! Thank you for reminding me! I loved the Lonely Doll books.
I recommend starting with Whose Body. No, it doesn’t have Harriet, but I think it does a great job of introducing Lord Peter, it brings in some Psychological Issues that are going to be important later, and it’s short. Strong Poison starts off the Harriet era, but I don’t think it’s Lord Peter at his best or most likable. Here are my personal recommendations for the series. Whose Body: read. Clouds of Witness: read, but you can skip it if you want. The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club: optional. Unnatural Death: skip. Strong Poison: read because Harriet. Murder Must Advertise: read. Have His Carcase: read because Harriet. Five Red Herrings: optional. Gaudy Night: essential. Busman’s Honeymoon: avoid at all costs. Short stories: skip. Sequels by Jill Paton Walsh: these do not exist.
Looking at this again, it seems I left out The Nine Tailors, which is a polarizing book. Some love it, some find it boring. I’m somewhere in between.
Hm.
Hm.
yes, me too! (sorry, very late to this thread but I love perfume). Serge Lutens is exactly what I feel like I ought to like/someone like me would like, but everything of his I've tried has been actively terrible on me. It is good to know I am not the only one!
Perhaps we have similar tastes/skin chemistry? I will try your Ninfeo Mio, thanks for the lovely description, and now that no one else will probably see this comment besides you, would offer in return the anise and vanilla woodsiness of Lolita Lempicka. Descriptions don't really do it justice — the combination strangely addictive and wonderful. Even though it's meant to be a woman's scent I think personally it is good as unisex.
Also, I feel you would like Safran Troublant, by L'artisan Parfumeur (who are hit-or-miss but can be really nice). That one is strangely comforting. A little sweet at first, but it dies down quickly to a good warm Troublant-ness.
I'm so glad I came back through the Open Thread, lo, these million days later! Have sent you an email.