Reasons I Would Make An Excellent Valkyrie And You Should Consider Me For The Position -The Toast

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valkyrie2Previously: Please consider my application to become a Druidess.

1. I’m reasonably busty and I work out semi-regularly, so I could probably carry a bronze shield or something.

2. I think I would do a very good job of judging men even after they are dead, no training necessary.

3. I have naturally red hair, and bronze and leather (which I am given to understand are the primary components of the Valkyrie uniform) really bring out the ruddy red-gold tones in it, which is a pretty good look for me.

4. I would have no problem being fictional.

5. I feel emotionally and physically prepared for Ragnarok.

6. I would have no objections to watching men kill each other all day or with holding enormous cups of mead.

7. Turning into a swan on occasion would not be an issue for me. I’m a team player.

8. Without a spear, I am merely tall (very nearly 5’8). With a spear, I am statuesque.

9. I rode horses until about the eighth grade. In a ring, obviously, not through the sky, but the principle is the same; I still have a pretty good seat.

10. According to Wikipedia, this sentence accurately describes both me and a Valkyrie, so in some ways it feels like this position was created for me and not the other way around: “The valkyrie considers herself wise, understands the speech of birds, is further described as having a white-throat and sparkling eyes, and she takes no pleasure in men.”

11. I feel confident that I could carry a medium-sized Viking by myself or with the aid of another shieldmaiden.

12. Stirring up disorder, leading men to their deaths, and/or turning into a raven on a moment’s notice are all things I’m willing to learn on the job.

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