Mitchell and Webb Monday: Homeopathic ER

by Mallory Ortberg · January 12, 2015

Do not worry, Kids in the Hall Monday isn’t going anywhere. I just felt like spicing things up today.

The problem with Mitchell and Webb, right, is that while when they’re on they are spot flipping banged around on, but when they’re smug and didactic and insufferable they are the actual poster boys for smug, didactic and insufferable (David Mitchell’s Soapbox series is a case in point).

This one walks right up to the line (“But when someone comes in with a vague sense of unease or a touch of the nerves or even just more money than sense, you’ll be there for them, with a bottle of basically just water in one hand, and a huge invoice in the other”) but stays on the right side (“Get me a bit of blue Ford Mondeo and dilute it in water!”).

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43 Comments

  5. houblonchouffe +25

    This is in my top 3 ever M&W sketches.
    (however, now I am reading the recap of the Sherlock Holmes sketch and crying. It’s SO GOOD and yet so, so heartbreaking.)

  6. Canard +40

    You are incorrect about David Mitchell’s Soapbox, or else I am smug and didactic and insufferable (actually far more likely), but MItchell and Webb is the shit.

    Now he’s poorly from too much electric!

  8. houblonchouffe +24

    /on a terrible Mitchell and Webb spiral, which will at least make MrChouffe very happy when I get home

    “Well, it isn’t exactly brain surgery, is it?”

    1. maccrocodile +8

      I quote this one one all the time.

      Whenever my boyfriend orders a complicated martini: “Cock asked for a martini! I said I’m sorry, James, I don’t think we have any martini. Why would I have any martini? What does he think this is, 1973?”

      Whenever we talk about our friend James: “What’s his name? John?”
      “James.”
      “James, yes. What a penis!”

  10. ramina +12

    Also: I was watching Disney Jr. with my two-year-old niece this weekend and saw none other than ROBERT WEBB reading Winnie-The-Pooh stories and it melted me.

    It’s right up there with David Mitchell being the voice of Big Mitch in Phineas and Ferb.

    1. kevenhuller +15

      “‘Look at the funny wheels on that penny farthing’ is a perfectly valid observation for a Victorian, your Majesty. ‘Don’t linden trees smell like come?’, conversely, is the sky falling in on our heads.”

  13. AlisonB +11

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=si_21P1wxqc “Are you testing me, Satan?” (& another great line i dont want to spoil by pre-quoting here)

    I know what Mallory means about smug and insufferable though- definitely the Mitchell influence, but usually they tread the line well due to Webb’s “calm the fuck down and let’s be a bit more fuzzy and funny” philosophy. Or that’s how I imagine their dynamic anyway.

    1. Abanthis +6

      “Making them both seem normal size” is my favourite line M&W have ever done, with the exception of Cheezoid.

      1. bookwormV +3

        I hear Cheezoid’s “Hate self” line in my head when I am having a stressful time. This feels like something I should be worried about.

  15. CleverManka +3

    I think of this skit every time I see my naturopath whose main thing is homeopathy (ugh) but who treats me well with herbal supplements and acupuncture even though I’ve told him to his face I think homeopathy is a load of crap. Bless him.

      1. RuncibleSpoon +8

        chores made fun!

        my only example is doing laundry often gets ‘Caroline No’ by the Beach Boys stuck in my head because it scans very well with the phrase ‘tumble dry low’

        which is not nearly as interesting

  17. Margaret +10

    Mallory — for once, I must disagree with you. Everything about Mitchell and Webb is hysterical: the caveman detective, sir digby caesar chicken, rocket scientist vs. brain surgeon sketch, the two snooker commentators, etc. I find Numberwang and the Helivets tiresome but that’s about it.

  29. bmorganjoy +1

    oh god but I love M&W
    AND Peep Show, that one’s a pretty intense guilty pleasure, I’m usually not one for things where you’re meant to hate literally every single character but I CANNOT HELP IT WITH THIS ONE I just love it

  30. KittasaurusRex

    oh god but I love M&W
    AND Peep Show, that one's a pretty intense guilty pleasure, I'm usually not one for things where you're meant to hate literally every single character but I CANNOT HELP IT WITH THIS ONE I just love it