Google News Has The Greatest, Most Breathless Science Headlines Imaginable

13 Comments

1. deleted7410012 +16 January 15, 2015 6:58 pm

   DON’T MISS! Up in the sky! Comet Lovejoy

   1. sednarea51 +16 January 15, 2015 8:12 pm

      I cannot hear about Comet Lovejoy without thinking about both Reverend Lovejoy from the Simpsons and, therefore, the “Bart’s Comet” episode. I am normally into sky happenings, but I can’t help but feel that any attempt to view Comet Lovejoy will end with me sinking to my knees in the predawn light and yelling “NOOOOOOOO!” in horror, a la Principal Skinner.

2. Absotively +5 January 15, 2015 7:01 pm

   “The crystal snorting will of course be done by robotic means, through the agency of the nuclear powered, raygun-armed, SUV-sized rover Curiosity, currently aprowl in the red world’s Gale Crater. And it will be Curiosity which receives the new software.

   Looking through The Register’s science archive, is it possible that a substantial proportion of the headlines you’re enjoying are from there?

   1. Absotively +3 January 15, 2015 7:41 pm

      Also: I had work to do today, and did not need to be catching up on past Verity Stob pieces, dangit.

3. damanoid +52 January 15, 2015 7:12 pm

   This is Ground Control to Major Tom:
   You’ve really made the grade,
   And the papers want to know what dust you snort.
   Now it’s time to update software, then report

   This is Major Tom to Ground Control:
   I’m snorting crystal dust,
   And I’m floating in the most peculiar way,
   And the stars look very different today…

4. avidbiologist +15 January 15, 2015 7:52 pm

   every other article in that section uses the word boffins. WHY.

   1. Robots_and_Pies +2 January 16, 2015 4:13 am

      Because it’s a great word?

5. Sean_Sullivan +7 January 15, 2015 7:59 pm

   I’m partial to the word “boffin,” so the rest of that lede is just gravy.

6. K.A. +28 January 15, 2015 8:55 pm

   “Scientists discover that being a goose is actually kind of awesome.”

   Thank you, Christian Science Monitor.

   1. tinypaperme +16 January 16, 2015 1:07 am

      I am unsurprised. If I could spend my entire life gobbling up all food within reach, chasing people, and biting, I’d be pretty happy, too.

   2. damanoid +12 January 16, 2015 3:29 am

      “Poultry boffins issued their report after snorting crystal dust and announcing that they could see Goose Heaven.”

7. The Elitist Semicolon January 16, 2015 1:07 am

   I am unsurprised. If I could spend my entire life gobbling up all food within reach, chasing people, and biting, I'd be pretty happy, too.

8. juegos de mario bros January 16, 2015 5:43 pm

   After rising for a decade, the amount of american citizens experiencing money distress from their medical bills has began to decline, a brand new survey has found.
   The result provides new proof that the reasonable Care Act, by providing uninsurable individuals with insurance, is additionally rising their money security, a serious goal of the law.
   The large phonephone survey, from the New York-based health analysis cluster the Commonwealth Fund, has been asking individuals concerning their medical bills each few years for a decade. In every survey through 2012, the next proportion of american citizens same they struggled to pay their medical bills, were paying off medical debt or had been contacted by a group agency. the foremost recent installment of the survey, the primary since the health law’s major provisions kicked in, shows a reversal therein trend.