Turns out when you travel through Eastern Europe researching a book called The Empire of Death, you run into some pretty interesting things:
“It sounded like something from the Brothers Grimm,” he recalls. “But I followed his directions—half thinking this guy was crazy or lying—and sure enough, I found this jeweled skeleton in the woods.”
The church—more of a small chapel, really—was in ruins, but still contained pews and altars, all dilapidated from years of neglect under East German Communist rule. He found the skeleton on a side aisle, peering out at him from behind some boards that had been nailed over its chamber. As he pried off the panels to get a better look, the thing watched him with big, red glass eyes wedged into its gaping sockets. It was propped upright, decked out in robes befitting a king, and holding out a glass vial, which Koudounaris later learned would have been believed to contain the skeleton’s own blood. He was struck by the silent figure’s dark beauty, but ultimately wrote it off as “some sort of one-off freakish thing, some local curiosity.”
But then it happened again. In another German church he visited some time later, hidden in a crypt corner, he found two more resplendent skeletons. “It was then that I realized there’s something much broader and more spectacular going on,” he says.
“IT WAS THEN” OKAY BUDDY
Also, last night a reader sent this to me:
For a Swarm of Bees is an Anglo-Saxon metrical charm that was intended for use in keeping honey bees from swarming. The text was discovered by John Mitchell Kemble in the 19th century.
Despite the ostensibly mundane intent of the magic charm, many scholars have seen the sigewif (‘victory-women’) as metaphors for supernatural beings to be called on for aid in battle, or a direct reference to them. There are similarities between the Anglo-Saxon bee charm and the 9th-century German Lorsch Bee Blessing.
The translation?
Settle down, victory-women, never be wild and fly to the woods. Be as mindful of my welfare, as is each man of border and of home.
And the Lorsch Bee Blessing?
- Christ, the bee swarm is out here!
- Now fly, you my animals, come.
- In the Lord’s peace, in God’s protection,
- come home in good health.
- Sit, sit bees.
- The command to you from the Holy Mary.
- You have no vacation;
- Don’t fly into the woods;
- Neither should you slip away from me.
- Nor escape from me.
- Sit completely still.
- Do God’s will.
“Christ, the bee swarm is out here!” What a marvelous world we have been selected to live in. Have a great weekend.
[Image via]
Ha ha just gonna unearth some ancient bejeweled skeletons, no big deal, probably not releasing an ancient evil into the world at all or anything, doop doop doop.
Those are some fly ass skeletons though, not going to lie. Some appear to have what the youths would refer to as “swag”.
THE SKELETONS ARE DRAUGR from Skyrim
Someone page The Librarians!
“Sit, sit bees.” Good bee! Who’s a good bee? You’re a good bee!
Roll over!
Stay, staaaay! Good bee.
“this week, on the bee whisperer….”
” Play dead for the Queen! Wait, you are the queen….”
i… legitimately believe i’m a bee whisperer.
whenever one comes bumbling by i say to them “please go away” and then they go away. i just shared this secret with my friend who is on the other end of the couch and she BEElittled my talent but she don’t know.
it works with wasps too.
WOW. Thank you. I am going to recite the Lorsch Bee Blessing to my bees this spring, repeatedly! I love the idea of telling them to “sit completely still.”
Hey yeah would love to talk but I gotta go start a feminist collective/punk band called THE SWARM OF KILLER VICTORY BEES.
Kickstarter to restore all the skeletons!
I’ll back that. Guarantee myself a safe space in the Skeleton War.
I believe you’d be able to start out with rank! Instead of working your way up from Private Skeleton.
As he pried off the panels to get a better look, the thing watched him with big, red glass eyes wedged into its gaping sockets
AND THIS IS HOW A HORROR MOVIE BEGINS
Or at least the next installment of The Mummy franchise.
But some kind of movie involving evil, vengeful spirirts.
And this one’s all
draw me like one of your French skeletons
This is one of the best things I’ve ever seen. Look at it! It knows how fabulous it is. It Knows.
‘sup?’
“Oh, hey girl. I didn’t see you there excavating my tomb.”
“Haaaiiiiiii”
<zap brannigan>Come over here and feel my velour bedspread…</zap brannigan>
“Well, hellooooooooooooo there.”
“Christ, the bee swarm is out here!” is more a cry of horror than of blessing, though.
Christ, the bee swarm is out here!
Get them off me!
Dude get these bees the fuck off me
I’m allergic
Oh god they’re in my eyes
Somebody help
“aaaaaaaah, I’m covered in bees!”
I rode a horse like that – some big bug would be flying around and she’d go all up on her tip-toes and leap about like a maniac, basically hyperventialting and wishing me to remove the bug or remove her from the scene. .
It’s good that someone’s finally started to shine a light on the crisis that is Germany’s massive homeless lich population.
Please chip in to find them all good tombs! Every lich deserves a real vault over their head -some have even been reduced to pawning their phylacteries…
This one’s got a grill made of SEED PEARLS. (Your move, rappers.) His eyes are SAPPHIRES. Dude’s been dead for hundreds of years and he still looks cooler than I ever will.
Dunno how to feel about those bedroom eyes buddy
You know Kanye and Kim will be buried like this.
Really says something about the piety of the locals that these corpses weren’t stripped clean ages ago.
Or the fact that they just know how horror movies work
Wow, the Old High German of that bee blessing is actually really beautiful sounding (if you’re a German speaker just try sounding it out – it’s like a mashup of modern German and Anglo Saxon, fun times!).
Fun fact re: rando skeleton parts in churches. When I was in Italy, I visited a monastery outside of Rome. Very Byzantine, very big, and very empty, except for a few locals and some touring priests. While wandering around, I came across an entire ROOM of relics. Floor to ceiling containers of every shape and size containing various body parts of questionable origin. Weirdly, it was the only part of the church that seemed to be neglected. There was dust everywhere. Super creepy. I skeedaddled.
I looked at it and it meant approximately nothing to me. ima go sound that out… okay. here goes:
Kirst, imbi ist hûcze –> … … ist …
Nû fliuc dû, vihu mînaz, hera –> nur … du, …. … ..
Fridu frôno in munt godes –> frieden? … im Mund Gottes?
gisunt heim zi comonne –> gesund heim zu kommen
Sizi, sizi bîna –> sitze, sitze biene
Inbôt dir sancte Maria –> in bot dir Sankt Maria
Hurolob ni habe dû –> … lob … habe du…
Zi holce ni flûc dû –> no idea.
Noh dû mir nindrinnês –> not
Noh dû mir nintuuinnêst –> a
Sizi vilu stillo –> stinkin
Uuirki godes uuillon –> clue.
Hahaha, love it!
Okay, so a little more phonetic (please note I am NOT attempting to translate this into modern German, I have no dictionary at work and lord help me it would take all day, and it would also be way more helpful if you could hear how I’m reading it out loud. Sigh.)
Anyway, phonetics! Garbled, mangled, phonetics:
Keerst, imbee ist hook-tze
Noo flook du, veehu meenaz, hera (like Hera)
Freedu froh-no in Mund go-des
Geh-zund heim tzee com-mon-ne
Sitze, sitze beena
In boht (like boat) dir Sancte Maria
Hurolob nee habe du (for Hur, sort of say it like Ben Hur)
Tzi Holke nee flook du
No du mir nihn-drihn-es
No du mir nihn-too-ihn-est
Sitze veeloo stihl-oh
Virkee go-des Vihll-on (the double u there acts as a “v” sound – a German “w”)
This is helpful! Your effort is appreciated. Now the last bit “Virkee”, for example, makes sense as wirken. I had one course at school that involved non-modern German and I unfortunately wasted a lot of that time being distracted by the docent removing her shoes and not wearing a bra. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I deeply appreciate the fact that for all German classes, old or modern, YMMV depending on the oddities of the professor/docent/teaching assistant. Truly, the kookiest instructors teach German.
This is so, so true.
Zi holce ni flûc dû : Zum Holt nicht fliessest du? Don’t fly into the woods?
I’m assuming “fliuc” and variants are cognates of “flee” or “fly” in English.’
“Uuirki godes uuillion”: Werken Gottes Willen? Do God’s bidding?
You are totally right about the Old High German. So cool!
I am not living my Best Life because I have neither an army of helpful spirit-bees nor do I have the means to cover my corpse in jewels once I die. Gotta keep on that hustle I guess.
One time, my friends started discussing whether they would prefer cremation or burial after death. I googled this and then turned the screen around and cleared my throat pompously:
Yes, 100%. I refuse to settle for any burial less elaborate than “disdainfully gesturing gold and gem coated skeleton badass”.
Keeping in mind that what with the advances made since the 1500s, you now have the option to have your grandiose undeath be fully animatronic
Oh my god, the possibilities of that.
I also want a solar powered motion detector that sets off a bone chilling scream whenever someone walks past my ostentatious skeleton monument.
Yeah when they come to you, right https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDgUqonI0vs
I’m picturing something like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRbvNL1PHKg
Only instead of the Beegees like, unholy screams. The sound of Aztec death whistles, perhaps. BRB, updating will.
The question that remains is, big gas motor so it sounds like a screaming motorcycle/chainsaw everywhere it goes, or hold out for a half-decent electric engine so it can sneak up on people to deliver its death howl.
I need to figure this out before I die!
Um, wouldn’t “Stayin’ Alive” actually be quite appropriate in this case?
There’s probably an armor-clad skeletal automaton from 1750 we could use as a model, too.
That’s it. I’ve been contemplating funeral and burial arrangements for some time (as one does) and toying with natural burial, but this, this is everything.
What does one google to find that, exactly? I’m gonna make a pinterest board.
Yeah, natural burial sounds great, eco-friendly and all, but if you can’t horrify/amaze future generations with your corpse, why did you even live?.
Is…..Is it giving the viewer the finger?
I’d planned on burial Sandra West style; sitting upright in my favorite negligée behind the wheel of a powder-blue Ferrari. But this stunning pic is really making me question my decision. Why be buried, however majestically, when one has the opportunity to awe/scare the living shit out of anyone who comes across your splendid corpse.
Work it!
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS, DAHLING.
You know what keeps the German bees in place? The bakery case in summer. Those things are full of bees.
BRB rewriting the will to instruct my progeny to exhume me, dress me in couture, and arrange me in a come-hither position in the front yard. The great-grandkids will love it!
The Bee Boy’s Song by Rudyard Kipling
Bees! Bees! Hark to your bees!
“Hide from your neighbours as much as you please,
But all that has happened, to us you must tell,
Or else we will give you no honey to sell!”
A Maiden in her glory,
Upon her wedding-day,
Must tell her Bees the story,
Or else they’ll fly away.
Fly away – die away –
Dwindle down and leave you!
But if you don’t deceive your Bees,
Your Bees will not deceive you.
Marriage, birth or buryin’,
News across the seas,
All you’re sad or merry in,
You must tell the Bees.
Tell ’em coming in an’ out,
Where the Fanners fan,
‘Cause the Bees are just about
As curious as a man!
Don’t you wait where trees are,
When the lightnings play;
Nor don’t you hate where Bees are,
Or else they’ll pine away.
Pine away – dwine away –
Anything to leave you!
But if you never grieve your Bees,
Your Bees’ll never grieve you!
==================================================
I am also disproportionately fond of Ivan Kupala’s version of an old song used to wake the bees in the spring (ain’t nobody got time for lazy bees):
Oh, you, my bees,
my ardent bees,
Why do you sit quietly?
why don’t you take flight?
So a rain didn’t drench you,
and a breeze didn’t dry you.
So a rain didn’t drench you,
and a breeze didn’t dry you.
Oh, you, my guests,
My dear guests,
Why do you sit quietly?
Why don’t you eat bread and salt? [a traditional Slavic symbol of welcome]
So my bread is ordinary,
and my husband is sad.
So my bread is ordinary,
and my husband is sad.
Bread and crying again, I see. This time with bees.
Bees, you have no vacation —
I’m sorry but as the incantation implies a contract rather than an employment relationship, you’ll have to take it unpaid.
I appreciate the tagging system on this website.
I am going to stand at my hive and pray these in the spring.
Apparently there is another metrical charm Against A Dwarf. Smaug must have known it, but not bothered to learn Against A Hobbit. Hence his untimely downfall.
One of the perks of working in an academic library is that I can read about books about bejeweled skeletons on The Toast, and then go out into the stacks and check them out!
I prefer the Izzard Charm myself.
Also “Do earwigs make chutney?”
Thirty odd comments and not one of you’s made an Izzard reference? Gracious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs-tl6GBOBo
Ah, foiled by the lack of page refreshing before posting a snarky comment!
ooh what about the bee charm read aloud in anglo saxon! http://acadblogs.wheatoncollege.edu/mdrout/catego…
OH THAT’S SO COOL. Yay!!
The Anglo-Saxons rarely disappoint.
I’m shocked that our consumerist society hasn’t managed to make bedazzled skeletons ordinary yet. I’d think the 1% would be all over that option. Has Neiman-Marcus heard about this?
BEADS?????!!!!!!!!!
Gob’s not on board
Oh Mallory, this link roundup hits so close to my actual research specialties that I want to give you a big internet hug. May all the saints and martyrs bless you and your descendants for a thousand generations. I feel ever so slightly less like I’m toiling away in obscurity today.
This seems relevant: bee high-fives drunk man
While we’re at it, please be aware of the Bechbretha, an entire book of bee-related law in Old Irish.
http://www.cabdirect.org/abstracts/19840215009.ht…
And make the acquaintance of Saint Gobnait, the patron saint of bees.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gobnait
This website is making my post-secondary education just marginally less useless. Delightful.
Came here for the Bechbretha, was not disappointed. Shoutout to Congal Cáech!!
I love this: “it was unlawful for bees to sting anyone who did not molest them.”
BEE-RELATED LAW
This is a phrase I never expected to see. <3
Bee swarms are so cool. BEES are so cool.
Here is one of my swarms, the only one I managed to capture:
That is a beautiful photograph, but given my terror of large numbers of anything teeming around together, it is also utterly terrifying. I need to go lie down now.
“You have no vacation;
Don’t fly into the woods;
Neither should you slip away from me.
Nor escape from me.
Sit completely still.”
pretty sure that’s a clause in my work contract
Just like to give a shout-out to one of my favorite academic subtitles of all time: Popular Religion in Late Saxon England: Elf Charms in Context by Karen Louise Jolley.
This is THE BEST end to my week. A thousand thanks.
I’m feeling some major trying-desperately-to-keep-bees-obedient/trying-desperately-to-keep-ladies-obedient overlap. (It’s probably mostly centered around “Stay completely still. Do God’s will.” Sheeesh.)
That being said, I come from a family of beekeepers and wild, disobedient women. So.
Anyway, I think this brings me one step closer to getting “be the swarms of bees you want to see in the world” tattooed on my body.
Charms are ADORABLE. I want to be a hedgewitch when I grow up more than ever!
Here’s a plug: one of the great things about Mr. Heypresto’s book is that it has new translations of lots of Anglo-Saxon charms and riddles, with the Anglo-Saxon on the facing pages. Here’s the second stanza of David Barber’s translation of the “Charm for a Swarm of Bees”:
‘Stay put on this plot, proud sisters in arms!
Never turn wild and take to the woods.
What is good for you is good for me,
As any man will tell you who tends the land.’
If you want more (including a new translation of “Against a Dwarf” by Thomas McCarthy), check out “The Word Exchange: Anglo-Saxon Poems in Translation.” It’s put out by Norton.
And right on with An Bechbretha!
Someone page The Librarians!
There's probably an armor-clad skeletal automaton from 1750 we could use as a model, too.
That is a beautiful photograph, but given my terror of large numbers of anything teeming around together, it is also utterly terrifying. I need to go lie down now.
Whenever I go there (which is as often as I possibly can) I am so tempted to let her out.
This gives new meaning to, “Those are pearls that were his eyes…”
This gives new meaning to, "Those are pearls that were his eyes…"
At work my boss is self-diagnosed adult ADHD, and grossly over-committed AND spectacularly disorganized (yes those are separate things, even if the overlap is large) and I managed to ask him as we were walking down the hall at one point if he felt like his head was full of bees and he shouted “YES MY HEAD IS FULL OF BEES!!” at volume and with many other people within hearing. I am still proud of getting him to admit it, and yell about it, so loudly.
At work my boss is self-diagnosed adult ADHD, and grossly over-committed AND spectacularly disorganized (yes those are separate things, even if the overlap is large) and I managed to ask him as we were walking down the hall at one point if he felt like his head was full of bees and he shouted "YES MY HEAD IS FULL OF BEES!!" at volume and with many other people within hearing. I am still proud of getting him to admit it, and yell about it, so loudly.
I rode a horse like that – some big bug would be flying around and she'd go all up on her tip-toes and leap about like a maniac, basically hyperventialting and wishing me to remove the bug or remove her from the scene. .
As well as the bottled witch, the Pitt Rivers also has shrunken heads. SHRUNKEN HEADS (which it is ethically conflicted about displaying, not that I cared about that as a child).
It is the most Toast-y museum imaginable. Virtual tour here: http://www.prm.ox.ac.uk/virtualtour.html