Toasties. This has not been a jolly week. Talk about your favorite candy. Favorite snack that lasts forever while you’re reading? Because the best thing other than reading or eating is doing both at the same time! Happy weekend!!
Tags: meta, open thread
Thank goodness for open thread, Toast. I am 150% done with this week where we have received about 30 cm of snow and will be getting another 20 cm this weekend. Work is a gong show and I NEED A WEEK END.
I have laid in supplies and I am going to do nothing but blog work, watch Netflix, and drink Fanta all weekend. Also take luxurious baths and give myself a pedicure. It will be glorious and it is only four and a half hours away. What do you like to do when you are snowed in?
I wish I could expect to be snowed in this weekend, but the weather is too warm for that.
However. I am going to craft like a mad woman this weekend and I am going to finish my friend’s Captain Marvel corset and hopefully help her get started on her skirt and capelet for her first cosplay. Then I might even have time to get started on my costume!
“I have laid in supplies and I am going to do nothing but blog work, watch Netflix, and drink Fanta all weekend. Also take luxurious baths and give myself a pedicure.”
Try not to do these all at once. I’m not saying combining bubble bath, Fanta, and nail polish will make your bathtub explode but I’m not saying it won’t not make that happen either.
I do all of these! Also if I’m feeling productive I pick a drawer and clean it out because I never do that on normal days. Last week’s snow storm was so bad I did my whole pantry and it looks lovely now! If I’m feeling less productive I pull something out of my basket of half-finished projects and work on it while binge-watching something.
Allow me to parent-jack this thread to vent. I vaguely remember the good old days, when “snowed in” meant solitude and rest. These days it means being trapped in the house with two small children who morph into feral dogs by lunchtime. Thank God for Cartoon Network.
DVDs. Also, making them cold, and then warming them up again makes them veeeeery sleeeeepy. AND they will still sleep at the usual time. So sledding, or even just dressing them warmly and tossing them out the back door, is a HUGE win.
I cook baked potatoes and casseroles. And feverishly scan public library collections of ebooks.
Fanta and Netflix sounds perfect though.
I am starting to take the snowfall personally, as if it knows that my feeling of being inconvenienced has shifted irrationally to a feeling of hopelessness when the flakes start to come down. Our city is full of snowbanks, many of which I can’t see over (and I’m grazing 6′ in my boots). I feel like we’re living in the missing first reel of Snowpiercer, where the earth is slowly covered in ice and snow.
Me too! Someone thought it would be a great idea to pile snow in drifts at random in the middle of the mostly-cleared city sidewalks near our place. I did burst through a few like a berserker with the stroller, until we got stuck. But I just see snow now and I start snarling.
Please send some here. 8″ is not nearly enough.
All of these things except the pedicure. Also in my world snowed in means about an inch, as my flats have basement garages so there’s a steep slope up to the road. You will often see people getting halfway up and sliding back down again so I don’t even try to get out in the car. The parking lot out the back does open right onto the Pleasure Gardens which go right down to the beach though, so whenever it’s snowy I go and walk down there and take photos.
I sit under a warm blanket, watch TV, play video games, and cross stitch goofy nonsense. Come to think of it, I could go for a snow day. My last one was spoiled by working from home.
That sounds like a perfect February weekend.
I love to tackle a HUGE baking project (like croissants or kougin amann, or a composed dessert) and/or quilt when it’s super snowy. We haven’t had snow since Christmas, which is nice for driving, but will be crappy this summer when we have no water. It’s February and I’ve put my coats in the closet. I thought we were supposed to have winter in Utah 🙁
Aravis – are you the other toastie who loves Tori? I can’t remember exactly, but I think it’s you!
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? http://themuse.jezebel.com/23-years-later-tori-am…
If it’s not you, I encourage you to go ahead and start loving tori.
We had a snow day Monday and got 15 inches. Got another 2 inches the evening after that, and another 4 on Thursday. I finally got time and the spare cash to take my kids cross country skiing today….it’s now 43 degrees out.
More time to knit…I’ve started 5 projects!
Toastfriends, I am free of my ridiculous job, the source of past Dinosaur Chronicles. But it has left me feeling a bit soul-sick. I’m asking for your patience with a long post and for your support. Here’s most of my resignation email.
**********
“On Tuesday I met with Human Resources.
“HR told me that a year ago a coworker told her he did not want to work near me. She said he went to her immediately after the following incident. I was told I used the words “sexual harassment”. I insist I never did.
“Here is what happened, though I was never asked, not then, not now.
“A year ago, this coworker had put his arm around my shoulders. I said, very quietly, in hopes no one else would hear, “Take your arm off me.” He complied immediately. I continued our friendly conversation and made sure to smile at him. I was not offended at all. He and I have had many pleasant interactions since, and he has been generous with valuable advice.
“This week, a year later, HR mentioned this incident in discussing my job performance. She used it as an example of my setting the wrong tone. I was too surprised to ask how my employer would prefer I respond to unwanted touch.
“I resign.”
**********
Toastfriends, she called me a liar. To my face. She seemed not to hear anything I said.
I wish I had known about this at the time it happened.
It has been a miserable year, an uphill battle, constantly adjusting my methods in efforts to please very critical people. Nothing I did was every correct. Now I know everything I did was judged wrong in advance.
It’s a small, family run business in an isolated Texas town. I’m the only non-Texan. Almost everyone has been there for 30 years. Seriously. The newest joined them 9 years ago. It’s where careers go to die.
Please, someone slap me if I ever consider a family-run office ever again.
I am so sorry. That really sucks.
Thank you.
What a nightmare. I am so sorry that happened to you. While it is terrible that you were the one who had to leave, you are definitely going to be better off now that you have left. You’ll find a place of employment that actually does appreciate you and care about your well being! And then this place will be but a distant, sour memory.
Yes, nightmare is accurate. Thank you.
I’m sorry. That is pretty sucky. But on the plus side: You’re free! You never have to go back! You are done with them forever and ever!
Yes! Never going back feels very good. Thank you.
I am very glad for you that you are out of there. And you might find that getting a bit of therapy would be helpful. Even though you know the root cause of the issue wasn’t you, it’s still really damaging to be in an environment like that. Ask me how I know. 🙁
I’m so sorry you have reason to know such an environment. Are you OK now? Thanks for your kind words.
Thanks for asking, RoseCamelia. I’m OK, but I do get by with a lot of help from my friends. 🙂
Agree with therapy. My abusive ex-boss fucked me up worse than I knew and my therapist says the only reason I wouldn’t be considered to have PTSD is because he never threatened to or actually physically harmed me (just my pets, ahaha).
OMG! Threaten my pets and I will fuck you up. You’d visit me in prison, right?
Are you OK?
Getting there. My therapist had me write a series of “letters” to said ex-boss over the course of several weeks. Each assignment was 5 minutes of writing everything that I thought of — no worrying about grammar or politeness or spelling or anything. It was incredibly difficult at first. I would feel really anxious for a long time afterwards, shaky, heart racing, that kind of thing. But over time it got easier and easier. I can now have private conversations with my current boss where he shuts the door to his office without having a panic attack. I can make minor screwups at work without having a panic attack.
I still have a fair amount of anxiety, and a lot of it does tend to focus on work still, but I’m not being randomly triggered by things. And I’m working on the anxiety with a therapist still.
Oh no 🙁 I’m glad you are free of the dinosaur office, and know we here at the Toast are all pulling for you!
I appreciate your support. How are doing, post breakup?
I am doing quite well to the tune of going on/having dates set up with 2 extremely cute men, one of whom I have been eyeing for literal years. A bit weirded out by how much I DON’T feel but then again that was why I ended things.
::dancing:: happy for V! happy for V!
That’s my current happy dance. Go you!
Here is my dream for you:
You will find a better, more suitable job situation. You will be so much happier. At first, you will think back to the injustice of this incident and feel fresh and personal outrage. But in a year – perhaps two – you will be so much more personally satisfied that, mostly, you will feel like these people are not worth taking up any emotional space. You will tell this story to your more enlightened friends and coworkers, and you will try not to feel smug as you all collectively sigh at the smallness of these particular Texans.
In the meantime, we collectively sigh with you.
A dream for me. That is so sweet. Thank you.
Ugh, I am so sorry! I hate, hate, hate the feeling of being prejudged. I’m glad that you left and I hope you find a wonderful job in a better environment very soon!
Just being away from those … people … is a better environment. Thanks for your kindness.
You. Poor. Thing.
GOOD FOR YOU finally being rid of those shitheels.
Thank you so much. Shitheels indeed.
You are so brave for resigning! Standing up for yourself will serve you much more in the long run than being miserable in that job. Good luck in your future endeavors, but this weekend, don’t worry about that yet, just put your feet up and have a well-deserved gin and tonic and relax!
No, not brave. Mr. Rose’s income is sufficient and mine was peanuts anyway. So no economic risk, no bravery required. I added bourbon to my usual tea last night, and Mr. Rose doesn’t know it yet, but he’s buying me drinks tonight. Thank you for your kindness.
There are other kinds of bravery than taking financial risks. In a culture that overwhelmingly tells women to smile and take the incidental objectification of ourselves as a compliment, telling someone to remove their hand from you is brave. Standing up to an HR person who says you’re lying is brave. Quitting a job that supports that HR person is brave.
You’re brave and strong, and you can’t make me believe otherwise. Don’t bother trying.
🙂
Exactly! Also, in a competitive culture obsessed with work as identity, quitting any job without having another one lined up (sounds like this is your case) is really brave. People can be pretty judgey if you don’t have anything “official” to do, even if that’s your choice. I think we’re often pressured to stay in bad situations just because we feel it gives us structure and identity. So go you, Rose! You are really inspiring – and brave.
HR told me that a year ago a coworker told her he did not want to work near me. She said he went to her immediately after the following incident.
… and HR thought the most professional way to handle this was to let it simmer for a year without mentioning it to you? [expletive deleted]
RoseCamelia, that sounds like an appalling strain that you are now free of. I admire you greatly always, and especially today.
I did not delete my expletives. Though I saved them for when I got away from there.
I am so proud to have your admiration. Thank you very much.
Ugh I am so sorry! But very glad you are out of there! I hope there is lots of time to breathe now.
Thank you. I feel better now, not so alone.
Go easy on yourself through the transition out, then kick up your heels! Any time you can move away from dangerously crazy behavior and toward sanity is a good time to be alive.
They couldn’t get me out the door fast enough yesterday. Did not want my two weeks. So no transition. I’m done. And relieved to be done. You have done so much to keep me from feeling alone. Many thanks.
So glad you’re out of there. What a mess. <3
Thank you. Your support has meant so much to me.
RoseCamelia! This sounds awful. So this human put his arm around you, you told him to move it and then HE went to HR and said “She just accused me of sexual harassment! I don’t want to work with her?” And HR just went with that with out thinking they should maybe check-in with you about a potential incident? I don’t get it.
I have high hopes that you will be able to fins something new in a more supportive environment. What about something on campus? Where I think the chances of a Non-Native Texan / Texan ratio would be higher? (Not that many people in BCS are not good and lovely)
Maybe it is time for another small Toastie Meet up!
Yes, please. Would love to get together. rmcd1974 at hot mail dot com
Ugh what horrible assholes! Best of luck in getting into a better position with better management!
Um. I think “with management” would be the improvement. They don’t actually manage. Anything. Ever. Thank you for your support.
RoseCamelia, you are one of the people here that I admire most, for your wisdom, patience and kindness. To say you don’t deserve what that job has been putting you through is a huge understatement. Good on you for sticking up for yourself and getting out of there. I hope that your next workplace is full of friendly competent people who appreciate you.
Oh my goodness. I don’t think I deserve all of that. But thank you for your high opinion and for hope in a better future.
I think you do!
But who, who will print their e-mails now? I’m sorry this happened to you, but glad you’re free of that place.
Thank you. Your comment made me snort my tea.
Just last week my sweet possibly-slightly-retarded coworker told me he scanned a signed contract to me. It had come to him via email and needed to be saved the the shared drive. Shared drive is too much for him to consider. He always had me do that. But he chose to *print* the contract, then scan the paper to me. Oy!
How am I gonna entertain all of y’all now, without the dinosaurs?
I am so sorry you had to go through this! You are always so wise and kind to us here on the Toast that I am absolutely furious that anyone would treat you so terribly. For you I wish that the bad memories fade quickly, big congratulations on your escape, and boundless hope for the future.
Thank you so much. I was furious, too. It feels enormously better to know I am not alone in my fury.
Mint Aero bars. I discovered them on a visit to Australia in college and they were simply amazing.
I have one of these from my Christmas stocking that I still haven’t eaten! Mayhaps I shall have it this weekend.
Those, and Flakes, are my two favorite English chocolate bars.
Oh man Flake. I love them so much, on their own or (even better) stuck in the top of a soft serve ice cream cone. My folks went to Dublin last fall and brought back tons of goodies for Xmas and I FORGOT TO PACK MY XMAS FLAKE IN MY SUITCASE. I am so so mad at myself.
Mint Aero are delicious, and will always remind me of the hilarious experience I and two friends had trying to refuel our car in PEI (every pump was closed! We baffled the very nice Canadian teenager at the inside register by not knowing how to use a chip-and-pin machine!). Yay food memories.
Oh yes, they make life worth living. Them, and Boost bars.
Not a huge fan of candy but I’m addicted to the lemon loaf at this bakery close to my apartment. Most of their other baked goods are fair to middling, but that lemon haunts my dreams. For some reason they haven’t been baking it as much the past couple of months – I pop in a few times a week and the baker always chuckles and says, “Sorry! No lemon loaf today!” I worry that one day I’ll snap and start shaking him by the shoulders. You know I’ll be here looking for it, old man! Just bake me one!
WHAT BAKERY
Brown Loaf on Elgin!
Um, as someone who used to live in Ottawa, can you go buy some banana bread from Bread and Sons and eat it on my behalf?
BREAD AND SONS. They have this cookie, I don’t know the name of it, it’s got chocolate chips but also bits of candied orange peel and maybe nuts (pecans?) and it’s so buttery that it soaks through a small mountain of napkins. It is amazing.
OH GODDDD YESSSSS BREAD AND SONS YESSSS
(Also if you’re ever traveling between Ottawa and Toronto on the 401 stop by my house because there’s an awesome bakery in my little town though I have never tried their lemon loaf.)
I used to live close to Bronwnloaf! And I would agree on the fair to middling of their goods — I never gave them enough of a chance to try their lemon loaf. What a missed opportunity …
HEY WAIT A MINUTE don’t you go there and buy the lemon loaf from under my nose
I am eating a piece of lemon loaf as we speak. Nomnomnom. (sorry!!)
Speaking of baked goods, did your teeny tiny toast post arrive?
Not yet! I’ll let you know if it’s there when I get home tonight.
Hello, Toasties!
In the spirit of winter, tonight I will create hyggeligt.
And my mother got a new job! Hooray, ChouffeMom!
I hope you’re all doing well and staying warm and safe.
Hyggeligt! How do you explain it to people? My Danish friend translates it as “the warm fuzzies” but I don’t think that quite captures it.
I try to describe the mental picture rather than define it, as such, because it’s SO hard to pin down.
Picture a tiny cottage in early night, with snow falling. You’re outside, looking in, and you can hear laughter and animated conversation inside. The windows are glowing warmly and you think you may have just fallen into a Thomas Kinkade painting or a Christmas card.
That. What’s going on inside that tiny cottage.
Oooh, what a lovely thing/concept/feeling! Coziness, candlelight, and smoked fish and schnapps – can’t think of much better than that.
Hi LaChouffe! is hyggeligt like a coziness and familial warmth type thing? sounds Lovely.
I’m having to have a weekend in bed with a virus (possible parvovirus as it has given me arthritis! hopefully a passing thing) so am bedding down with hot water bottles, the Good Wife season 5, and a lot of food. and nurofen. and my mum fussing over me. It could be worse, as long as these symptoms fuck off soon!
Hope you’re having nice weekends 🙂
I don’t like super sweet flavors, but if I ever had to give up the unholy triumvirate of gummi bears, chocolate-covered raisins, and Milk Duds, I would be deeply dissatisfied with life.
Have you tried chocolate-covered gummy bears?
I’m not a fan of chocolate covered gummy bears, but chocolate covered cinnamon bears are amazing! Also plain cinnamon bears, and plain chocolate.
I love chocolate with raisins in it! It is very unfashionable nowadays. So lovely.
I have so many questions. Do you eat them together? If you’re eating all three in one sitting which do you eat first? My guess would be gummi bears/raisins/gummi bears//Milkduds
I’m going to Thailand in early June and I’m so freaking excited! Does anyone have any advice on what to see/do?
And in honor of that, please tell me all about your favorite trip/vacation!
I’m going on a vacation tomorrow! To Goa! (Well, I’m an overnight drive away so it’s not that amazing…) But Goa is awesome!
Goa looks beautiful! What are you planning to do there?
Mostly just sit by the beach or by the pool and eat and drink and read and talk to my husband. We’ve been married for eight years and this is our first *nice* vacation, where we are booked into a nice hotel and don’t have trains and buses and seedy hotel rooms to navigate. I’m so excited!
I was just in Kerala a few weeks ago on Lake Vembanad with some friends. Not Goa, but still exceedingly lovely, and one of the most memorable vacations I’ve ever taken. Chennai to Delhi to Agra to Kochi in less than two weeks. It was a lot to take in, but I would go back at the drop of a hat.
I went to Spain when I was 19 and it was amazing. Not just because of all the beautiful things I saw but also because the experience of traveling by myself was very… fortifying, I guess? My parents have always been overprotective of me (such is your lot when you are the youngest child and the only girl) and when I announced my plan to go backpacking alone, my dad worried a lot and often made dire recommendations along the lines of “Don’t go to [country], I’ve heard it’s very dangerous.”
I ignored him and went off and it was completely fine and I never felt like I was in danger for a second. Every now and then I would think, “I’m exploring a foreign country all by myself, completely of my own volition and with my own money!” and it felt like an endorphin rush. For a few years after that, whenever I was in a challenging situation or felt out of my depth, I would think, “Whatever, I went to Spain by myself, I can handle this nonsense.”
My husband and I went to Croatia last summer and it was lovely! We’re living that sweet double-income-no-kids life and we’re lucky enough to get to travel abroad every year.
One of my favorite things I did in Thailand was take an all day cooking course. They took us to the market to buy ingredients and then to an outdoor kitchen where we learned to cook Thai food. I remember bits and pieces of the rest of the trip (we went in 2008), but I cook Thai food a couple times a month. We also rode elephants, which was pretty cool. Bangkok was fun, lots of cool things to see, but Chiang Mai was better (and where I took the course and rode the elephants)
I endorse cooking classes (especially with market tours) as a great activity in all sorts of vacation locations! I’ve done one in New Orleans and one in Barcelona – both were super fun and have been useful in the long run. So much jambalaya and Spanish tortilla.
I have two favorites! Like winterbymorning, I traveled solo when I was 19 and it was brilliant- I walked the West Highland Way in Scotland, then went over to Ireland and wandered about in Donegal. I had traveled alone before, but the combination of long walks and magical landscapes and being by myself… it still gives me a glow to think about that trip.
My husband and I spent six months in Russia and Asia, starting with the Trans-Siberian Railway in the middle of winter, getting stranded in the Gobi Desert, engaged in China, two long sun filled months in Vietnam, then finishing up with Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore. I think it will be a long long long time before we top that one.
Please tell me about getting stranded in the Gobi!! I visited the northern edge of it last year in Mongolia, one of my favorite trips, ever, and am dying to go back.
We were in a mikr van (ubiquitous) with an Irish couple, and a driver we’d hired at a guesthouse in Ulaan Baatar. Once you get south of UB the roads turn into a web of dusty dirt/grass tracks across the steppe and into the northern desert, and are basically informal and unmaintained. So we were trundling along, night came and darkness fell, and the only lights in the entire open landscape are the headlights from the van and a distant radio tower. Suddenly the van lurches to a halt, at an angle- we’re lodged nose first in a snow drift, and the driver can’t get us out. He turns to us, points to the men, and says “Walk,” the two women, apparently, are to stay with the van.
I spent the next hour wrapping the Irish girl in a space blanket to ward of hypothermia, watching for my husband’s headlamp in the darkness, and flashing mine back at him so that they could find us again. When they came back, it was just to collect us- we joined the passengers of a broken down bus inside the radio tower, where we all huddled together eating our supplies of ramen noodles. We had just settled down to sleep in a buzzing electrical control room, sometime after midnight, when we got the signal that it was time to go again. They’d gotten the van out, and we spent the rest of the night in a cold, sleepy daze, periodically stopping to let other stranded passengers into the van to warm up, before finally arriving in Dalandzadgad.
It was awesome! We ended up back in Mongolia the following summer to teach English, in the northern parts (mr.imogen was in Sukhbaatar on the border, I was in a tiny village called Javkhlant a bit further south).
And in honor of that, please tell me all about your favorite trip/vacation!
I was ~30 when Mom took me as her companion to Costa Rica on a package tour designed for seniors. Turns out, “designed for seniors” is a pretty great pace: everywhere we went, there was comfortable seating, great food, fascinating guided tours for the less adventurous and (totally manageable) most physically taxing hikes and excursions for those who are able and interested.
It was so great. I was secretly a little put-out when Mom, who’d been talking for months about a trip to Croatia, suddenly presented me with tickets to Costa Rica*. I don’t do well with heat or pollen, and this promised to have both of those, but I was spared all the expected reactions and had an amazing time. (Sadly, my mother experienced pollen allergies for the first time ever and contraindications meant she couldn’t take any of the vast supplies of OTC meds I’d packed.)
I zip-lined through the rain forest canopy, I drank a Cuba libre at a swim-up bar, I surprised Mom with a beachside picnic, I watched a lizard steal my breakfast, I visited the Museo del Oro Precolombino, which is underground and is essentially a multi-story safe because IT IS FULL OF PRE-COLUMBIAN GOLD ART, so its architecture and audience engagement was of particular interest to me (then taking a semester in museum studies), I slept in a loft bed watching iguanas teem in the trees outside, I went on a howler-monkey-spotting tour (turns out, I am great at spotting howler monkeys, go figure).
(I had some concerns about the ethical implications, and I know that’s not really on Mom’s radar, but some research convinced me that the tour was responsibly run, paid a living wage, and contributed back ot the communities where we visited. We made sure to tip lavishly wherever we went and [it should go without saying but it really really doesn’t] to be pleasant to professionals who are just doing their jobs. It’s not ideal, but at some point I just shrugged and thought “Gift horse, mouth” and let go.)
* I know.
Do a bike tour if you’re in Bangkok: http://www.spiceroads.com/tours/bangkok_jungle
I did this one going to Bang Kra Jao, which is a gorgeous peninsula with no roads. You go on a boat across the river, and are essentially biking through jungle, and small villages. It’s lovely.
Oh man, I’m so jealous! My mother lived in Bangkok when she was a little girl but I’ve never been. My grandmother preferred the north, particularly Chiang Mai. This year, after my fella and I nearly died in a car wreck along a mountain road in Mexico, I blew a considerable portion of my life savings and did a trip of a lifetime. It started with a cross-country road trip from San Diego to Washington DC, a week in Madrid (eh, I liked it better than Barcelona, but it’s still suuuper racist) then took a train down through Andalucia and hopped a ferry across the Strait of Gibraltar to Morocco. We spent a month in Morocco; a week in Tanger (nice, but basically the Muslim version of where I already live) two weeks in a small palace inside the Fez medina (amazing) a few days trekking the Berber villages in the Rif and Atlas Mountains (indescribably cool) and a few days in Casablanca (like Pittsburgh without the charm) before flying for a quick overnight in Paris, from Paris to New York, another few days with family in DC, the driving back through Appalachia then across through the Mississippi Delta, spent a few days in Austin (my former home) and finally back to our little casita on the beach in rural Mexico. I’m STILL exhausted, but all I can say is if you can possibly make it to Morocco, GO. Everyone was SO friendly. We arrived as total strangers and were adopted by a wonderful family within minutes of getting off the train who treated us like family. I learned how to prepare couscous, the men took my fella to bro out at the hammam and we were even invited to a family wedding. It was incredible.
hurray! Thailand is wonderful! Navigate Bangkok by water taxi a lot — the fast one with the orange flag, which is cheaper and better than the tourist one with the blue flag.
Also, if you’re like me and start feeling horribly heat-exhausted and dirty despite drinking huge quantities of delicious thai iced coffee in a plastic bag, consider going to the Japanese bathhouse! You can go by taxi, it is easy to google (Japanese onsen Bangkok), it has delicious Japanese food in their little restaurant, beautiful indoor and (screened) outdoor spaces, incredibly relaxing, attractive, and delightful, with both shared and single-sex areas, lovely yukatas to wear while there, and best of all I felt clean and unsweaty for a full 4 or 5 hours after going which was the longest I felt that way at any point in Thailand when not directly on a beach with the sea breeze coming in. (Loved Bangkok anyway, but it is quite hot and polluted all the time undeniably).
Also don’t forget the fruit sellers! Just point at the fruit you want, and they will cut it up in the most attractive imaginable ways and put it all in a plastic cone for you with a fork! Pineapple with hot spices was my favorite, but mango and wax apple are good too. And all the street food! Waterfall beef! Pad thai inside an omelet! crunchy catfish salad! noodles!
i like…cola gummi bottles.
but truthfully i am an equal opportunity candy eater and i eat way too much candy. it is a real problem. there is a basket of it at work that is always being refilled and i eat it all the time. like, several handfuls of candy a day. this past year at the holiday party i won the award for “most likely to be seen at the candy basket.” people think it’s funny because i mow it down and i’m still slim but honestly it scares me because i can’t stop myself from eating it and i know it can’t be good for my health and it’s contributing to my shitty eating patterns.
I love cola bottles too, especially with the sourish crystals on the outside. re: candy bowl: can you set up something else to do with your hands/mouth when the urge for candy strikes? Sugar free gum? Mints? Even those cinnamony toothpicks?
I have a cigarette, but that’s probably worse than candy, so ymmv. For me, the oral fixation need comes from being socially overstimulated, so its easier for me to have an acceptable reason to go stand by myself for 5 minutes. I also drink tons of water as a fidget, and so I don’t feel weird about hiding in the bathroom since its basically justified by me drinking 3 litres of water a day.
I chew on straws, too. I keep a package in my bag so I can have something if I can’t duck out for a smoke. Otherwise I destroy my nails and lips with anxiety chewing
Same. Cannot leave the candy bowl alone. But I have the lovely round apple-shaped body to prove it. It saves me some mental effort if I stock my desk with hard candy I love. In my case, coffee flavored. If I keep my mouth busy with that or with a mug of actual coffee, I put less effort into avoiding the candy bowl. You have my sympathy, is what I’m saying.
i never thought about stocking my own desk~ that…might actually work, especially if i pick something like hard candies which are longer-lasting. thank you for mentioning it!
Those are the BEST! Do you like the regular gummi cola bottles, or the fizzy ones?
I used to get those at a German import place in Cleveland, but now I’m 250 miles away.
My office is the same, except we have two entire CABINETS full of snacks- candy, bags of chips, cookies, chocolates, sodas, juices, those neon orange cracker sandwiches, popcorn, gum, and on and on and on.
On the one hand, it’s just mindless snacking. But on the other, ME WANT.
That’s how my office is with cookies! Except sometimes I’m the one who supplies them (though I don’t eat that much of what I bring because I want other people to be able to). My boss literally forced me to take a giant cookie yesterday (after I’d already eaten too many) because he was worried he’d eat it otherwise. Sometimes I just eat the cookies/candy because I know I will eventually and that way I can stop debating whether I should eat it! My diet in general is like 70% super-healthy, 30% Leslie Knope.
I am helpless in the face of cookies. Luckily, since we’ve had some employee turnover, the cookies have become relatively infrequent except at Christmas where everyone who’s ever done business with us ever sends cookies (except for the one structural engineering firm that sends tamales. Good people, that bunch). I just try not to worry about it too much and make sure I eat the good cookies, not the lame ones.
Next week is Valentine’s day! Since leaving for college, I have made it a priority to get my three oldest hometown female friends something nice and cheerful every year around this time, because boyfriends come and go, but we have been constant in each other’s lives for over a decade now.
This year I got some fancy cards, post-its that say “you’re cute! here’s why:” and packs of gum that have an old-timey picture of a lady bullwhipping a man that say “mother! fucking! girl! power! HELL YEAH!!” which I think is great.
Does anyone else do stuff for your platonic friends? What are you doing??
(also: favorite snack that lasts forever while reading? See’s lollipops. So good.)
The past few years I gave valentines to my favorite coworkers, but many of them have moved on to greener pastures so I don’t think I’ll be doing that this year 🙁
I usually send out a mass mailing (over 100) of kid-style Valentine’s cards to all my friends to let them know I’m thinking of them/they’re important. 🙂 Can’t do it this year because: finances, but maybe I can roll back into it for next year.
I don’t do anything with friends, but my mom was always great about sending me chocolate every year. Until I moved in with my boyfriend and she deemed it his job.
Galentine’s Day! I’m a slacker who doesn’t send xmas cards so I usually do valentine’s cards instead.
Also I send a box of goofy stuff to my sister. I’m glad that frozen is out so there’s lots of “sister” valentine stuff which doesn’t usually exist. Also in the box this year are panda nail stickers, pink hot chocolate mix, and wonder woman nail polish that has a little cape on the bottle.
Me too! I save all the Christmas cards I get (and their envelopes with the return addresses) and everybody who some how was amazing enough to find time in the holiday crazy to send me a card gets a homemade valentine. It is nice and I like the VD color scheme more than the Christmas/winter one anyway.
We have the exact same system! VD colors are waaay better than chrismas colors plus I don’t have to try to find cute holiday cards that are non-religious/non-christmas.
My roommate and I are throwing a combo misandrist witch/Galentine’s day party, since Galentine’s Day falls on Friday the 13th this year. Feminist cocktails, witchy outfits, and red velvet waffles will be enjoyed by all!
Oooh I want to know what a “feminist cocktail” involves
TaDa!
Yup, that’s exactly where we got them!
Oh that sounds PERFECT.
What a lovely idea! Now I’m inspired to make two (very wee) Valentine gift boxes for two wonderful ladies who are always super supportive of my many moods & creative endeavours.
I also do this too with my friends. I just mailed my gifts a few days ago. Also I’m starting something where I get myself a Valentine’s Day gift/treat myself to something nice.
There is a big push to go with friends to see 50 Shades, in lingerie, drunk, for live-tweeting / live-heckling. But I am not sure I want to give the movie my money, so, I’m on the fence.
In many years past it was pizza, beer, horror movies / Die Hard marathon, de rigueur.
I also have less than zero desire to see that movie (at least, not in public where I have to pay money for it) BUT that does sound like a pretty good time.
Ahhahahaha. Last year I gave everyone valentines making fun of our ex-mayor, Rob Ford. Lots of great puns. This year, our dear friend is throwing a dinner party, so I plan to bring a nice bottle of red wine and some sweet flowers. She deserves them!
Oh yeah. I am mailing out LipSmackers to some of my high school buddies this year.
I am surprising my wife with a date tomorrow after swindling an auntie into childcare and I’m ridiculously excited for today to be over and tomorrow to start.
Is anyone watching the BBC adaptation of Wolf Hall? I haven’t read the books, how does it compare?
I am finding it remarkably similar – that same ‘impending doom at any second’ feeling. With the books, even though I knew what was going to happen since I am reasonably up on my Tudors, I was pageturning away like nobody’s business because they constantly feel like something really climactic and earthshattering is about to happen. I am getting the same sense of urgency from the TV show and loving it.
Watching, and also re-reading–I am about 66% done with Bring Up The Bodies and three episodes into the show.
They’re REALLY similar. The TV adaptation is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. The dialogue is nearly word-for-word. It’s a pleasantly terrifying experience.
So. Excited. To watch. This.
Am “saving” it for the next blizzard-y weekend so I can gulp it down. I read both books a while back, and am still blown away by Mantel’s prose.
I didn’t realize it was on already! Oh man, I am so excited!! I will be honest I SLOGGED through Wolf Hall it took me FOREVER to read and at times I wasn’t even enjoying it that much (I kind of started it in the middle of a stressful life transition and it may have just not been a good fit for me at the time?), but at the end I still wanted to read the next one and the weird thing is I am now TEARING through Bringing Up the Bodies and totally loving it all the way.
That’s exactly how I’m feeling about the books! Wolf Hall was a bit of a slog, but 75 pages into Bringing Up the Bodies and it’s been a joy the whole time.
Well I’ll have to read the books then, because I’m loving the adaptation. Mark Rylance has the most wonderfully alluring watchfulness; I’m in love with his performance (and yes, a little bit with him too). I really like the way the dialogue doesn’t try and ape Tudor language, but doesn’t sound anachronisticly modern either. I don’t know how Mantel did it, but it’s genius.
I read an interview with her where she said she told the screenwriter who adapted the books to always remember that the characters don’t see themselves as ‘part of history’, they’re just living their lives and trying to figure out what comes next. I think that’s part of the reason it’s so compelling.
YES it is awesome, nice slow-burn atmosphere but since it’s condensed there are also a plentiful supply of plot happenings. I like that all the side characters clearly have things going on in their own lives, rather than simply being aligned pro- or anti- main characters.
Totally unrelated to Wolf Hall, but is your username a Father Ted reference?
If so, “I have cake!” If not, please ignore me.
I have cake!
No thanks Mrs Doyle…
Are you sure Father? There’s Cocaine in it!
What??
No. not cocaine, what am I on about? I mean…what do you call them….Raisins!!
😀 😀 😀 😀
One of my favorite scenes of anything, ever! I always use that line (“There’s cocaine in it!’) whenever I offer any kind of food to my boyfriend.
There’s a lot of stuff missed out but they’re taking their time with what there is, and it’s true to the books, if that makes sense? It has a lot of room to breathe, and just watch Cromwell react to stuff. I really like it a lot (some people have told me they found it boring though).
This chocolate bar is my favorite candy at the moment. I usually treat myself to fancy chocolate bars only like once a week and make them last for a while, but that is just not happening with this guy. I like experimenting with the Cocoa Camino bars too.
More serious advice needed: anyone have any experience having an ovarian dermoid cyst, and getting it removed?
Oh me me!
I only had it removed because it was as large as a plum and had twisted my tube a full 360 and that pain made me notice something was wrong. I had it removed laparoscopically. It really wasn’t that bad, I was released from the hospital a day or two later and was back to normal within a week or two. The worst part was the shoulder pain afterward, which is common in abdominal surgeries because of the gas they use to inflate the abdomen during surgery.
Oh wow! Glad to hear the recovery time was so short, I feel a little nervous about getting mine removed since it’s benign and I don’t want to be laid out for too long from an “unnecessary” surgery. However, I noticed it because of pain during sexytimes, which is obviously not ideal, so I will probably move ahead with removal, especially if I can get it done laproscopically. Thanks for sharing!
toasties, commiserate with me. this week i spilled quite a lot of tea onto my work laptop. my very expensive, new macbook pro work laptop.
it’s a goner. everyone has been nice and nonchalant about it and had stories about the times they ruined their own electronics and they gave me a loaner replacement and i guess they’re just going to replace it outright, which is insane to me, but…ugh. i know it was an accident and as a human i am allowed to have accidents but i feel like such an idiot.
I have a friend who’s a sysadmin. She deals with this stuff all the time. Occupational hazard of being able to take the thing to cafes and such. 🙂
I mean let’s be real, it’s a little insane that they’ve developed technology of incomprehensible complexity that allows us to communicate with anyone all over the world, yet have not developed technology that makes it unlikely to completely break when it comes into contact with people for any amount of time. And the fact that most warranties cover everything BUT water damage is NOT a coincidence.
Oof! I feel your pain. I once killed a macbook pro with a Diet Coke. It was my work one as well. Same deal… they replaced it, NBD, stuff happens. But I felt AWFUL.
I punched a hole in the wall of my office and they fixed it, so I think that is worse! Also every day I am thankful that I don’t drop my phone in the toilet.
I once made a $10,000 mistake on an important client’s project. We ate most of the cost of modifying the equipment that had been wrongly ordered. I was not punished.
I am sure your Macbook didn’t cost that much! The problem with employing humans is that they mess things up. It is good that your office is being reasonable about it.
Oh no! I’m sorry. Don’t feel like an idiot! I broke my last two laptops, too. The first one I left beside a cup of water and a cat who likes to knock cups of water over. The second one I dropped on the concrete floor in the middle of lecturing. Accidents happen, and at the end of the day, it’s just a computer not an essential part of my body (though it may feel like it). At least that’s what I told myself both times.
I haven’t broken anything important yet (KNOCK ON WOOD) but my boss / the owner of this company has left three laptops on airplanes and spilled a whole pot of coffee on another, so I’m not going to feel too bad if I do. :/
I spilled a glass of water on my macbook pro in December! Because of sex. Agh
That sucks! But please, girl, don’t worry about it. It happens ALL the time. I left my very fancy dictaphone somewhere in an airport once. Oh well!
One time a glass of wine was spilled onto my MacBook (note the careful use of passive voice) after an enthusiastic and tipsy round of dancing to the Little Mermaid soundtrack. To err is human.
Oh, that’s a horrible feeling, I’m sorry. I spilled the world’s tiniest amount of water — a few drops, nothing — onto my MacBook Air keyboard last summer and
pffffffft it died.
I was heartbroken. I have a beat-up old replacement right now, but I’m planning to treat myself to a new Air AND A KEYBOARD PROTECTOR soon. It was hard to believe that an amount of water I could have sweated into the thing on a hot day was enough to fry it, but it was.
I also felt like an idiot, but I would never think that about anyone else who did it, so I know that feeling isn’t rational.
That’s why I owned Thinkpads until recently! Their keyboards are (or were, not sure if they’ve changed) to be mostly spillproof. For my own habits, I knew buying a spillproof laptop was a better bet than thinking I’d manage to stop eating dinner/cookies and drinking tea over my laptop. (This is also why I don’t own light-colored pants.) That’s ridiculous that such an expensive computer couldn’t handle a tiny amount of water.
Yeah, nothing could have prevented this spill except an actual barrier. I didn’t knock a glass onto the laptop, as is the usual method of execution; I tripped over an obstacle and a few drops sprayed across the several feet between me and the laptop and pfffffffffft. womp womp
I have a friend who shorted out a cell phone by sweating on it when he answered it while working out.
I spilled nail polish remover on the keyboard of my old iBook – it actually worked for a long time afterwards, but I did have to suffer the mild embarrassment of a repairman asking “How did everything get corroded?” when it finally started to malfunction.
Toronto Toasties! I am going to see Roxane Gay at the Harbourfront Centre tomorrow after as part of IFOA at 4:30 — you should come if you’re free!
http://www.harbourfrontcentre.com/whatson/lecture…
Noooo if I wasn’t going to be buried under snow this weekend I would BE THERE SO FAST
Awww! The highways do look terrifying this weekend.
Sent from my iPad
I am going to come to Toronto one of these days, I swear, and force there to be a Toast Meetup while I’m there.
THIS WAS ME AND I DIDN’T REALIZE I WAS USING THE WRONG COMMENT fuck this
Friends! Jupiter Ascending comes out to day and tomorrow I am going to WATCH IT in a MOVIE THEATER, and it is going to be insane and rad and terrible and I am very excited.
Sean Bean is in it! He plays a man with the genetics of a bee so that he has the loyalty of bees!
I am so excited for Jupiter Ascending. It looks so ridiculous and fun, which is my favorite kind of movie. I’m hoping to see it tonight, but it depends on my husband’s work schedule. Fingers crossed.
All of the reviews are negative, but every lede begins with “deranged”, “unhinged”, “goofy”. I cannot imagine I will not have a fantastic time!
I’m with you. Like, you say those words like they’re bad things…
Uproxx called it THE WINCHESTER MYSTERY HOUSE OF MOVIES
aaaauugggggh I am so excited
Seems like most Wachowski films get fairly bad reviews, yet they are actually pretty good (or at least interesting) movies.
Wait, what? If it turns out he doesn’t communicate important messages via rump shaking I will be a sad cat.
I cannot wait to see this movie.
I want to see that movie so bad!!! Trashy space operas are my JAM.
I am ENORMOUSLY looking forward to this stupid movie, partly because it looks ridiculous and also partly because
I actually really dig this fashion style, I wish I lived in a future Space Opera world in which “professional attire” for men consisted of ankle-length kilts and shirtless cape combinations.
He looks like a merman from outer space. Ahhhhhhh.
Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Evil Eyeliner Eddie Redmayne is the one and only reason I wish to see this movie, and I feel no shame about this whatsoever.
They have to make a crossover with Chronicles of Riddick so he and Karl Urban can have an eyeliner-bedecked pout-off.
YES
At first when I saw the trailer for this movie, I was like “meh, it just looks like a cheap Star Trek ripoff” but then Eddie Redmayne came on screen and I was like, “nvm, I’m buying tickets for this movie right now.”
Evil Eddie Redmayne is a thing I did not know I needed until now.
This picture is the only reason I want to see it. Well, that and the one where he’s got a shirt on and it has awesome sleeves. But this, mainly.
Eddie Redmayne is giving the HIGHEST of HIGH CAMP in the trailer. Like he’s going to bust a blood vessel with all the camp. Just that enormous trouty mouth and supercilious gaze and “I wood hah-vest that planet TOMORROUW” I’m dead. I want twenty more movies exactly like this. I don’t think I’ve been this excited for anything since Pacific Rim.
And I’m sad that everybody’s predicting that it will flop because there’s such a dearth of original sci-fi concepts that make it to the screen. And sci-fi is SO IMPORTANT to me! What’s on netflix that can fill this need for ridiculous bloated space opera?
I love that stupid trouty mouth so mouth. Between him and Burn Gorman, a similarly creepy-looking trouty mouth… unf.
It reminds me of how disappointed I was that the Treasure Planet cartoon movie didn’t do very well, because I was hoping that it was going to lead to just a whole torrent of 18th and 19th century adventure stories set in outer space.
I mean, Guardians of the Galaxy is fine and all, but what makes Space Opera rad as hell is the ambition, that is what I want to see. “What if we just made an epic six hour series about spaceships and lasers and Sean Bean has the genetics of a bee so that he can have the power of bees?” COME ON LET’S GO
It’s also disappointing that they’re predicting a flop when it looks like we have a movie finally bucking the Trinity Syndrome. (I’m just going to ignore that it looks like she has to be saved several times in the trailers by men, whatever, she’s still the Chosen One.)
I have been SO EXCITED for this insane mess of a movie where Channing Tatum is a half-albino half-wolfman and also Sean Bean is made of bees and HUMANS ARE TURNED INTO TIME WHICH IS CURRENCY. Every confused review just makes me want to see it more. My friend is willing to go with me this weekend because I think all he knows is “sci-fi from the Matrix people?” and I’m not telling him more because I want to see it this weekend so bad.
I want to see this so badly and I’m pretty sure no one will go with me. I may see it in glorious solitude!
Came to open thread to talk about this movie, but realized I can’t say all the things I wanna say without spoiling things that really deserve to be experienced. Suffice it to say that it is all of the worst and best things you’re imagining. It’s a beautiful trainwreck.
BRAAK. I went to see it last night, on a whim, and can confirm that it was spectacularly gorgeous and also one thousand percent batshit and I’m like 90% sure the script was actually someone’s space-opera-style D&D campaign that got out of hand. It was SPECTACULAR. No part of it made sense except for the parts where the Mila Kunis character clearly got off on Channing Tatum looking earnestly into her eyes and calling her “Your Majesty.” (Those parts made PERFECT sense.) I think you will love the SHIT out of it and I look forward to your reaction.
WE MUST ALL SWEAR A PACT, not to discuss it until Monday morning, we can talk about it in the link roundup, I am very excited.
I feel like I’m following a trail of breadcrumbs. I came here from Thursday’s link round up. Off to find Monday’s!
Haha, you will not be able to miss it.
HAHAA. I read a review saying it is awful and also basically outlining the entire plot (WHY DO REVIEWERS DO THAT) but it made me want to go see it for the fun. Also for Eddie Redmayne in a hilarious King Herod robe and guyliner, as if that makes him look anything like an alien? Or are they aliens disguised as camp humans? We’ll have to watch to find out!
Hi Toast. The best snacks are the ones that last, especially when reading or writing. Lately for me, it’s been wintergreen mints, because I love mint.
Also, I’m headed to Austin, TX in a couple weeks – any Toastfaces want to hang out?
I used to regularly eat five or six of these a day, it was terrible. But also great. I now have a more moderate habit, but I still love them.
Did you ever stand in the dark in front of a mirror and quickly chew a wintergreen mint to see the sparks? It works!
I did! My friends and I all used to crowd into a bathroom in middle school and chew wintergreens. (We were a pretty tame bunch.)
I’ll meet you there. Where and when, exactly, please? rmcd1974 at hot mail dot com
Yessss ok I will email you the deets.
Oh my god I love wintergreen so much. Wintergreen Lifesavers! Pink Canada mints! I eat them until my mouth is raw, it’s a real problem.
I’m in Austin and up for hanging out- shoot me a note at [email protected] if you want!
Awesome!
I live in Austin. Let me know when you all are going to get together and I’ll see if I can make it. You can e-mail me at eileen underscore urban at yahoo dot com. I am usually pretty busy with children and all but I would love to get together.
Great. I will let you know of any get-togethers!
I actually stuck around at work a bit longer for the Open Thread. Don’t know what that says about me. Especially since I don’t even have anything specific to share. I finished Transparent, and loved it – it’s airing on Dutch tv soon. Which is great… except for the broadcaster misgendering Maura in the press release.
I also caught up on Looking and started watching Togetherness. Does anyone watch the latter? There was an attempted BDSM scene that was flat-out hilarious.
Also, comic question: anyone reading Bitch Planet?
Finally, I was going to link to my very first video-essay… but it’s been blocked on copyright grounds. Since I work with IP lawyers, I’m seriously considering making a case out of it (the video is transformative and contains short clips from many movies – it’s textbook fair use).
Bitch Planet recently knocked Sandman: Overture off my pull list. I don’t regret that one bit. Noncompliant! (Regardless of my feelings about Gaiman’s personal life, five months between issues ain’t worth it; I’ll maybe pick it up in trades.)
Maybe drop a line to the OTW about resources for getting your video reinstated? I know they have a legal team that’s gone to bat for a lot of fair-use stuff in fandom, with video especially. http://transformativeworks.org/
Thanks for the tip!
I’ve only read the first issue of Bitch Planet, but I’m really excited about seeing where it goes (also I want to put Non-Compliant patches on all of my clothes)
Ooo, is it? Do you know when it (Transparent) is starting? I’m so terrible about downloading & watching shows and much better at watching them when they show up, so I might actually see it if it’s on TV.
The 6th of March, 23:00, on NPO2 🙂
YES! Make the case! Copyright needs good precedents.
I sort-of watched the first 2 episodes of Togetherness – boyfriend was watching them on his laptop in bed while I was trying to sleep. Admittedly not the best circumstances for me to warm up to the show but I think it’s a little too”uncomfortable comedy” for me (I’m a total sissy). (The failed BDSM shit was funny though.)
My favorite candy are Napoleon Sour Bon Bons because I’m a grandma at heart. I have been eyeing a 7 pound bag on Amazon for about a month now. It recently was reduced from $52 to $40 so maybe I’ll finally give in and burn my tongue off with powdery, fizzy, sour goodness.
I can’t get enough of flavored Tootsie Rolls. Any time we’re at the store with the bulk candy section, I feel compelled to buy (and then ravenously consume) a full pound of them. It is not a good habit.
I used to love love love the vanilla flavored ones but I think I burned myself out on them. My mom still buys me bags of them even though I think they’re kind of gross now.
The vanilla ones don’t do much for me, sadly, but I’ll smash any other flavor, no problem.
OH MY GOD THE VANILLA ONES. They taste like frosting!
I can’t ever tell if vanilla or lime tootsie rolls are my favorite. I never find them around here though and it makes me sad!
I like the lime ones best! And the nice thing about Tootsie Rolls is that you can literally dig one out of the couch after 2 years, brush it off, and it’s still good.
…not that i’ve done that…
I am really sick to death of this week, Toastfolk. Let us commiserate. To cap everything else off, my coworker’s position is not being re-filled, so I will be abandoned to the wolves. This has only strengthened my resolve to get the fuck out of here, of course. I’m still waiting on some fabric to show up, and if it’s not in my postbox today I don’t know what I will do as I’ve got to get this sewing done & the long weekend was the perfect opportunity!
On a slightly more positive note, I have a job interview today (no idea about pay, so we’ll see if it’s enough to support myself on), and then am meeting up with a gentleman caller so that I may start my weekend in a happier mental state.
What are you sewing this weekend?
A party dress! Well, I’m calling it a dress but it’s two pieces, a fake-wrap skirt and then a cropped wrap top. I will post an eventual picture if my fabric ever gets here why does it not say it’s delivered I hope it’s not with Customs or I shall be vexed on an open thread. 🙂 I have to have it done by the 19th and if it doesn’t come until next week I will be so anxious I may explode.
damn you Canada Customs wtf it was not in my postbox *cries*
Good luck with the interview and the gentleman caller!
Fun size reese cups. The perfect balance of salty and sweet.
I barely got any sleep thanks in large part to some sort of snow removal convoy outside my window at 4 am. And I’ve had to deal with my nutsy landlady twice this week. On the up side, I’m getting a new stove next week. And umm….that’s it :/
I had to ask the woman who buys occasional treats for our office to please not get Reese’s any more. I have no self control around them AT ALL and will eat 70% of them by myself.
I have given up drinking for the month of February and everything seems to be exactly the same except that I suddenly require a fun-size reese’s cup once a day, whereas previously I ate a piece of candy maybe twice a month. There are worse things!
The only drawback to the fun-size Reese’s for me: There are never enough because there could never be enough because I will keep shoveling them into my maw at lightning-speed for as long as they hold out. That sweet-salty combination does something to bypass all my rational self-control. I’m pretty sure if I were given a large enough supply, I would eat ’em until I got violently ill. (I especially fear the Trader Joe’s mini-PB cups because they don’t even have a wrapper to slow me down.)
Actually, I had surgery last year that (slightly) reduces my ability to digest certain foods, and I haven’t trusted myself around peanut butter cups since.
I was reading this while eating a mini reese’s cups. I currently have the ‘party bag’ size which is 40oz (1.13kg) worth of those things. I’m addicted…
I had never heard of hyggeligt before this but it sounds so nice. Details on how you “create” it??
This particular creation will include going to the local cidery to indulge in a post-work sort of companionship with good friends. The alst time we went there, it was snowing lightly and just getting dark out, and we were all laughing and playing music and it was warm and cozy inside in a way that I’ve very rarely experienced.
After that, it’ll be going home for a fire in the fireplace and something gooey for supper.
FRIDAY CAT THREAD
Bonny has become a complete monster around my knitting stuff. She’ll try to steal my yarn, eat my needles, nest in my yarn box if I leave it open.
Here she is, pretending she isn’t planning on stealing my lovely OOAK sock yarn.
Wow that yarn is gorgeous… and the cat too! Mine often play with my needles at the most inconvenient times. And while they do also play with yarn, the more annoying thing is when they decide to sit right on top of it, and look at you all outraged if you pull out some more.
The other cat Anne likes to sit on the yarn. Apparently it is even more comfortable than curling up on my mouse arm.
Bonny likes to bite it. Or pick it up in her mouth and run away with it. At least she’s pretty.
The yarn is by Countess Ablaze, a UK based independent dyer.
Oh my god I am the worst cat owner in the WORLD this week. I got home from work and my Timber cat had gotten the handle part of a paper shopping bag caught around her middle and panicked, ripped the bag, ran upstairs and splashed some pee around the bedroom (she is a Panic Pee-r) and so I had to free her, pet her, wipe her down to get the pee smell off her, then clean up pee squirts in the bedroom and mop and move the bed and do three loads of cat – pee – contaminated laundry. I suck so bad as a cat owner! Poor scared cat! (Although it’s easier than feeling compassion when they yell at me that they are starving for breakfast and then look at the kibble I give them like “The fuck is this shit, human?”)
I am not sure how this one is your fault? Paper shopping bags are not really menaces, and it’s not like you left out a vase of lilies or something. I’m sure she will recover, and you are a good mom for not snarling at her for splashing pee everywhere!
She is already quite recovered from her terror! But I go around the house trying to detect pee smell like some kind of nose detective. A heightenedsense of pee smell.
oh I’m always on pee alert, and my cat isn’t even a pee-er. I am like miss rumphius, but with nature’s miracle spray instead of lupine seeds.
That happened to Saffron once – she is an inveterate bag-lady. Since then I have been really hot on cutting the handles of anything she might possibly get stuck in. (Which is everything.)
what a pretty cat!
I look forward to Cat Thread every week mainly because cats in general, but also because Saffron is the absolute cutest.
😀
I will tell her, she’s been feeling a bit left out this week with Captain becoming an internet celeb. She is supercute; earlier this week I was in bed (have had the week off but had to cancel all plans due to illness so I’ve just been lounging around) snd she was lying on her side air-kneading while I rubbed her tummy, and every time she stretched out with one front foot she bopped me on the nose very deliberately.
I was staying with my parents once, and woke up to the sound (at 7am) of what I thought was someone running around the house in high heels. Turns out their excitable cat had gotten caught on a gift bag handle and was trying to outrun it in terror, doing about three circuits of the house in the process. Half of me was full of sympathy for the poor scared kitty…and the other half couldn’t stop laughing.
What I’m trying to say is, it happens! Though the pee-nado is rather unfortunate!
I actually took a really good picture of Diesel this week JUST FOR CAT THREAD.
Diesel does not quite understand that laying on me in bed is a challenge for me. He is simply regal.
OH MY GOD SO BEAUTIFUL
He is my handsome boyyyyy.
(Actually no, he’s a huge derpy head case, but he is also v v lovely.)
Gorgeous! He immediately brings to mind an Egyptian statue.
This week Kismet flouted the no-cats-on-the-table rule so she could get a good look at my birthday flowers. (Thankfully she is not a cat who eats or destroys flowers. She does sniff them though and it’s adorable)
FLUFF
Also, I love that face they do when they KNOW they aren’t supposed to be doing this thing, but what are you going to do about it human
Cats are the cutest when they’re doing things they know they’re not supposed to. Moxie isn’t allowed on the counters or the table, so of course he desperately wants to be on both. The back of the couch is up against the back of the counter (it’s an open concept main room) and he’s allowed to sit on the couch. First he started resting his front paws on the counter and we let him as long as his back feet and butt stayed on the couch, which quickly devolved to him sprawling out with his back feet juuuuuust on the couch and the whole rest of his body stretched way onto the counter and a smug look on his face.
My cats look adorable when being bad. If I catch them on the kitchen counter, they do a little hot-paw-pads dance and look at me all “Oh! Oh! How did I get up here, where I am absolutely not supposed to be??? I am so upset! Look how cute I look when I am dancing around like this!”
Kismet is not on the table, she is on the PLACEMAT! My goodness, can’t you tell the difference? Cats sure can…
A few times I’ve surprised a cat sleeping on my placemats. Apparently I am the dumb one for putting perfectly good cat beds on the TABLE.
Adele is mostly uninterested in yarn, but is an inveterate needle thief.
UR DPNS GIVE THEM
I haven’t tried Moxie around knitting yet, but any string or dangly things set him off: shoelaces, my embroidery thread, the strings on my pajama pants, etc. so I’m sure knitting would end in bad things. He also likes to steal my makeup brushes (made of animal hair) and hide them around.
😀 I love him.
Don Piano? Is that you? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVBiRqKj6j8)
Captain is a string-eater as well – the other day I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of chomping and he was on the windowsill behind the curtains, eating the loose thread that had come out where the hem was coming off. I had to spend that afternoon rehemming the curtains. He also loves the little plastic string bags that oranges come in, I have to empty anything out of them and bin them immediately otherwise I find little piles of stringy vomit everywhere.
Captain has gone viral this week, he has been used in two ‘why cats like boxes’ articles! One on wired and one on some other site I hadn’t heard of. He is proud to be an internet celebrity.
You’d better watch it, before too long he’ll demanding you feed him solely on venison and salmon and getting him a scratcher made from rare trees and vintage rope.
Fame is bad for kitties. Turns them into monsters.
All these kitties are ADORABLE!
A couple years ago I knit myself a sweater with Cascade Eco Wool. Ever since, Nina sits on that sweater whenever it is available. I finally crocheted her a bed with the leftover yarn. She approves. It didn’t felt as much as I wanted on the first try (it’s supposed to be bowl-shaped, but it’s more of a floppy heap right now, so I’ll try again, but Nina has been sleeping on it for the last few days, and whenever she gets on it she kneads it and rubs her head on it. It’s nice to be appreciated.
so cute! you made a bed for your cat! so cute!!!
I unfucked my knitting supplies the other day and my Siamese, who used to chew up the ends of my needles and chew through my circular needle cables suddenly appeared and was doing that “nonchalant/actually super interested” stroll around the perimeter of where I had spread everything out. “Nothing to see here, human, I just came over to… sniff this coffee table. Sure.”
Luckily everything now lives in a closet that has an actual door that closes so she can’t get at it.
Asa is good at not messing with my knitting, but she is not always the most helpful when I’m trying to sew…
Asa’s markings are totally awesome.
my husband just nicknamed Anne ‘Anne Huff-away’ and it really works.
My big cat has decided that he cannot emotionally cope without being physically close at all times. But he remains a complete dickhead, and will swipe at you if you touch him wrong, and his swipes cause wounds.
This morning I woke to him climbing up unto my chest/upper belly. He is 20 lbs. I actually yelled “I’m being murdered” at my boyfriend.
Atticus usually doesn’t pay attention to the television but here he is fully absorbed in the honey badgers episode of Nature. I think he was trying to memorize their moves.
I stayed overnight after my friend’s birthday party in Rotterdam (didn’t want to deal with the night trains/did want to drink a lot of wine) and when I got back Klaas-Jan was very happy to see me.
They’re all so cute!
She’s meant to be the smart one, too. Little horror.
Long ramble: I am feeling conflicted -we got one of those hormonal diffuser things that are meant to calm cats down, because they kept fighting, and on the one hand it’s definitely worked! They are chill and snuggly and adorable. On the other hand, I am now wracked with guilt because it’s become clear how miserable the older cat has been since we became a two-cat house. She’s gone from spending all day lurking and glaring and generally acting like a grumpy, nervous, belligerent guardian of the doors to the way she was when she was first brought home, which is relaxed and affectionate and VERY VOCAL, OMG. We’d assumed that the change was her true behaviour resurfacing after the thrill/insecurity of leaving the shelter wore off, but now it looks like she’s been scared and upset for months. Poor moody baby.
Oh no! But hopefully they are getting on better now and things are improving cat-wise? I think I may end up investing in one of those hormonal diffusers to chill my cats out, since they tend to be a bit on the Harass Each Other side. Poor kittens!
Yup, incidences of growling are way down, and batting at/chasing each other is now done with claws sheathed and forgotten about much more quickly! Highly recommended, I just wish we’d done it sooner.
Aw guys. Today is the one year anniversary of my One True Cat’s death and I am sad.
I am so sorry. Anniversaries are tough and OTC looks lovely.
Internet hugs, take care of yourself.
She just wants to be One with the yarn, clearly.
I love that colour blue one the wall in your bedroom. Irrelevant to cat thread, I know, and she is a lovely cat (I especially like her moustache). But you have inadvertently given me inspiration for the exact colour I want to paint the wall at the foot of my bed. Thanks!
Guys, I need some advice. I am trying to make a resume for a job I’m suited to (although my education is more tangentially related than the ad specifies.) I do have freelance experience, where I did pretty good work on similar (but way less interesting projects.) The only thing is that I can’t list all my relevant former freelance employers–one was my ex-father-in-law, and another I had to quit earlier than I wanted/anticipated (which is totally my fault).
I don’t want to seem flakey–any advice for this situation? How do show I’ve got experience if I can’t list those two jobs?
I’m not sure that you can’t list those two jobs? In my experience employers will ask you for references and only contact the references you provide– they’re unlikely to contact your ex father-in-law or the people from the other job unless you provide them as a referenec.
Thanks, paddlepickle. You might be right. I think it just makes me anxious–especially the ex father-in-law thing. Eeek.
You’re welcome! I think the fact that it was freelance work makes them even less likely to contact them– if it was a major job that you’d had for years it might look a little odd that your references aren’t from there, but for freelance stuff I don’t think they’d give it a second thought.
You could list “Past Projects,” with descriptions of what you did- that way it’s not showing up under employment (where the things you mentioned would matter more). That’s just my very-non-freelance-background first thoughts though! Probably some other Toastie has much better ideas!
That is what I was thinking! I think this is a great suggestion; I might try that, depending on how paranoid I feel about them calling people up willy-nilly.
I’m in a similar boat at the moment, so I’m commenting to stay in this loop! Are you able to transfer some of the specifics of any of your other freelance gigs to meet the specific criteria of this job?
Also, I agree with what paddlepickle says here.
I would definitely include them anyway! If you’re worried they’ll try to talk to them, as paddlepickle said, I’ve never had an employer contact anyone outside of my approved reference list. If you’re concerned that it looks weird that you quit/stopped working for them suddenly, you can make a separate section in the resume that says something like FREELANCE WEB DESIGN (or whatever you do) CLIENTS, and put them there. Especially if you note that they were freelance positions you should be fine, since those hirings are more expected to be short term, and might have been part of a 3-month contract agreement to finish a project or something. You can come up with a better explanation for the interview once you’re there!
Thank you for the reassurance! I think I’ll do that. Ugh, jobs. Just hire me, I’ll be fine, let’s not worry, future employers.
I finally got to meet my niece last week on her three week birthday! She sleeps all the time and is adorable. I’m only home for two weeks and will be very sad when I can’t cuddle her anymore. She doesn’t smile yet and I hope she grows up to be difficult and has a really good bitch face and never smiles unless she means it.
You are the best auntie.
That is a delightful blessing for a baby.
I used to eat 10 packs of Skittles at a sitting. Can’t stand candy now.
My work has been getting overwhelming. I have tons of new clients, all of them men, almost entirely with a puffed-up sense of their own importance. I’ve never been quite so close to men like this. The men in my life have had their flaws, but they’ve never been this egotistical, this certain that their way is the right way. They’re like caricatures. It’s strange.
They’re perfectly cordial to me, it’s just that there’s this overwhelming sense of “Agree with me, agree that I know the best way to do things, agree that I’m right, agree that my business is well-run, agree with me.” And there’s this very real feeling that if you disagree with them, there will be backlash.
I do disagree with them, when they’re wrong. They seem to find this really amazing. It’s like in the movies where someone’s up against someone really scary, like the mob boss, and the mob boss looks grim as shit as the guy disagrees with him, in a clever way, and then he laughs and is like, “You’re my kind of guy.” It’s like that. Like maybe you were about to get shanked, but instead I’ve decided you’re brave.
I don’t mean to sound too melodramatic. Obviously I’m not gonna die or anything. It’s just so weird. They’re cordial, conversational, but there’s this bite to it, when you deal with men who have money and power.
On the plus side: I’m pulling down an incredibly great amount of money this month, and I really, REALLY needed it, because I’ve made less than I needed to make the bills for the last six months. I’ll take the vague unsettled feeling for some regular clientele right now.
You. Are. Awesome.
i also never encountered men like this until my current job. i was lucky enough to work previously in women-owned, women-run jobs. the men in my life were also flawed, but in less…caricature-like ways.
there’s something almost comical about these men. sometimes they really are like cartoon versions of what you image high-power business men to be like. but then it suddenly feels a lot less funny when i realize that they actually do have a lot of power over my circumstances. ugh.
Yes, it’s exactly this. Like, you want to laugh, because it’s so cartoonish, but you’re pretty sure if you laugh that suddenly they’re going to call everyone you know and tell them you did something awful and you’ll never work in this town again.
Oh I know those men. My father is like, the archetype of this, plus he’s self-made to boot, which enhances his feeling that he is Always Right and you are just a silly little woman who Doesn’t Understand, so your resistance is funny to him.
Sometimes it’s helpful to just pretend you’re dealing with Don Draper. Hopefully this species will be less prevalent in future generations of men.
Random declaration: This morning I decided that as an act of self-care and also rebellion against cultural fucked-up-ness, I’m eliminating the phrase “guilty pleasure” from my vocabulary. Like, why is this a phrase that even exists? If you take pleasure in something that actually should make you feel guilty because it is unethical, you would call it a ‘bad thing I am going to stop doing’, not a guilty pleasure. So it only actually only refers to things that we’ve decided we ought to feel guilty about for entirely silly reasons. Cheating on your wife is a guilty pleasure, enjoying Dance Moms is just a pleasure.
Good for you!
I’ve been trying to embrace and spread this notion as well!
I think that’s a great idea! I was referring to some books I like as a guilty pleasure and I feel like I should have owned it instead. DRAGONLANCE 4EVA!
Exactly! I thought of this because I realized that as I was packing my bag for work I was wondering whether the new Nick Hornby book would make me feel embarrassed if I was reading it at lunch and if I would say “oh he’s a guilty pleasure”, or if I considered him a ‘legitimately good’ enough author and then I was like OMG WHY IS THIS A THING I AM EXPENDING MENTAL TIME ON. It’s a first step to be being less hyper-concerned of what people think of me every second of my damn life.
I love doing this. I might still consider it a guilty pleasure to, say, listen to music with gross gender politics or something, because I don’t want to perpetuate that, but I’m not going to pretend I don’t play (and enjoy!) the Kardashian game.
That use of it makes sense, although it’s still a slippery slope for me. I can go from the reasonable thought “R Kelly is a guilty pleasure because it’s really not OK to listen to a rapist’s music” to the less reasonable “Do I have to hate How I Met Your Mother because of the yellowface episode and because Barney may be a date rapist? I mean their apology was pretty good but also it’s just such a whitewashed version of NYC and AGH I JUST WANNA WATCH A SITCOM AND ACTUALLY RELAX FOR ONCE”
I’ll be in my bunk.
YAS. If you kick dogs for pleasure, then that should be a guilty pleasure. Chocolate or whatever is not a guilty pleasure.
I agree with this! It really annoys me that Trader Joe’s brands so much of their stuff “reduced guilt.” If I eat a full-fat version of something, I don’t feel guilty, I just don’t eat a ton of it at once. Like, I buy their “reduced-guilt” spinach dip because I prefer it and it’s healthy, not because I think it’s a diet food or because I’d feel guilty eating fattier normal spinach dip.
I was once chastened by a bookstore customer for calling an author I like a “guilty pleasure.” I have no problem with the expression otherwise because if it’s going to make me feel Actual Guilt I probably just won’t do it, but I was more sensitive in my usage after that. It didn’t occur to me that it might be taken as patronizing.
You guys, I have this video of archaeologists telling archaeology stories, and I was going to share a link to it in the archaeology post comments, but it turns out I haven’t actually posted it yet. So then I was going to post it when I got home yesterday. But I got distracted by video games and snow shovelling. Hopefully I will remember tonight.
It’s a video of a panel from a science & fiction festival, which I am the webmaster for. It probably won’t be as great to watch as a video as it was as a panel, but it was really great as a panel, so I think it’ll still be pretty great as a video.
Talk to me about how your wear cowls. I started making one recently because I thought it was a cool pattern and a good use for some yarn I had, but only after a few weekends of work did I realize that I have never actually worn something like this. It’s thick and wooly and long enough that it drapes down onto my chest but not long enough to wrap around twice. Usually when I wear a scarf I like to have it really drapey or wear it tight to my neck to keep warm. I do not know what to do with this. It seems like more of a big-ass yarn necklace than an implement of warmth. Also, while googling for styling ideas I came across someone who noted that the challenge with wearing cowls is to avoid looking like your head is emerging from a giant vagina, and now I cannot unsee it. Thoughts?
PS here is a link to the pattern on ravelry, for context. http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/zigzag-bl…
PPS did you guys know there is a toast group on ravelry? There is! http://www.ravelry.com/groups/the-toast-fiber-gui…
Sweet! I just joined – I am alixnoorchis on Ravelry!
I am not sure how to wear a cowl that is that length though… the ones I have (not homemade) all make it around my neck twice, although sometimes it does feel like I am choking.
I used to have one that I wore as a hood. If you want to wear it as a scarf you could put it around your neck and then fold one side of the lower portion over the other and pin it with something pretty.
I have a killer collection of large brooches. Most are modern-art looking, unusual, nonrepresentational. A cowl just begs for the privilege of showing off one of my fabulous pins.
yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss
the challenge with wearing cowls is to avoid looking like your head is emerging from a giant vagina
Now that you’ve said that, I kind of want to make that a goal when putting together next week’s outfits.
yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Toasties, this has been the best week I have had for a long long time.
The only way it could be better would be to find out that the legal issue that has been hanging over me like some bloated cloud bearing caustic acid instead of rain was over for me as well as my husband. We’re pretty sure it will be, but until people get back to us there’s still uncertainty.
But:
Legal issue over for husband!
Getting refund for overpaying our electric bill!
Got a voucher for a yarn store!
It’s been good.
I’m glad that things are going well for you! Please accept this picture of a long-haired guinea pig:
IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S WEARING A CURLY WIG
Or like a package of uncooked ramen noodles!
that
that can’t be real
!
They are all fantastic things to have happened to a fantastic person.
I’m hoping that tomorrow morning my solicitor will call and say ‘nope, nothing to worry about for you, either’ and it can all be over.
9 months this has been going on.
9 months? That sounds like hell.
I have my fingers and thumbs and toes crossed that your solicitor will do exactly that.
I feel like I’ve not been able to breathe for 9 months.
I don’t want to go into too much detail about it, so apologies for the vagueness, but it’s the sort of thing where the fallout could be imprisonment, so it’s basically been the worst thing to happen to a self-hating BPD sufferer with severe anxiety.
The lack of control! The unending belief that this is somehow punishment for all the awful things I’ve ever done (which amount to being mean to people I love sometimes and shoplifting for a few months)! The catastrophising!
Read more at http://the-toast.net/2015/02/06/friday-open-threa…
No apologies necessary, it is the internet after all.
I humbly offer internet hugs or a soothing cup of tea, whatever takes your fancy.
Are there any other Pajiba readers out there? I didn’t want anybody to miss this gloriousness: http://www.pajiba.com/videos/women-kick-the-sht-o…
OMG, I’ve been following Pajiba for years (got hooked on them via the Fug Girls) but lately, not so much…the posts and commenting used to be GREAT, then Facebook happened, the links got boring, yadda-yadda-yadda, it’s now the site I check out after I’ve read everything else.
Sorry, that was a bit of a “sour grapes” rant! It’s good knowing Pajiba can still bring it!
I was supposed to see it tomorrow (as a reward for taking the LSAT!) but now my boyfriend is sick and everyone else kind of looks at me askance when I bring the movie up. Hopefully next weekend, then 🙁
Channing Tatum as fantasy space doofus I CAN’T WAIT.
Some critic I read was all, “Channing Tatum has rocket-powered rollerblades” like that was proof that it was terrible, but YOU CAN’T FOOL ME ROCKET POWERED ROLLERBLADES IS AMAZING.
This was posted outside of the main Jupiter thingy thread but I knew exactly what it was about at the phrase “Channing Tatum as fantasy space doofus”. My favourite kind of Channing. and Tatum.
COMIC BOOK NERDS OF THE TOAST, WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE A FORCE: http://mashable.com/2015/02/06/marvel-female-aven…
CO-WRITTEN BY G. WILLOW WILSON. I MAY OR MAY NOT BE CRYING FROM HAPPINESS RIGHT NOW.
Yeeeessssssss!!!!
I JUST SAW YOU TWEET ABOUT THIS AND EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT SUPER INVOLVED WITH COMICS FANDOM AND STUFF I WANT IN ON THIS
THIS IS A PERFECT TIME TO JUMP IN BECAUSE SO MANY AWESOME LADIES ARE GOING TO BE THERE AND THEN YOU CAN PICK FAVORITES AND READ THEIR BOOKS AND AHHHHHHH
Shrieking with happiness!! (and look at my girl, Wanda!)
My favorite candies are gummi ANYTHING. My BFF bought me a “world’s largest gummi bear” a few years ago and it was so magnificent.
Let’s talk body mods! I got new piercings on Saturday! My piercing studio was doing a donation drive for the local women’s shelter, and I couldn’t say no to that, so my BFF and I bought over $100 worth of items to donate, so my piercer offered to do anything I wanted for cost of jewelry. I can’t have facial piercings because of work so I opted for second holes, and I’m really happy with them. I have an appointment for my next tattoos in March but I really can’t wait.
Anyone else having any work done and/or wish to share pictures or stories?
I know what my next tattoo is going to be. I grew up in Colorado, and for a long time I wanted some mountains on my wrist to remind me of home. But I was having trouble with the design. Then about a year ago, two of my cousins got matching mountain range tattoos for the younger one’s 18th birthday and I got their permission to have the same mountain range tattooed on me. I’m really excited about it. But I’m a little stuck when it comes to actually finding an artist and am basically waiting for one of my friends to pick out his next tattoo so I can just tag along with him.
I bought a 5-pound gummi bear for my best friend a few years ago – impulse-ordered it on Amazon and had it shipped to her house without saying anything. She was taken aback, to say the least.
NEW FAVORITE PRANK. Doing it right now!
Also, the reviews on Amazon are GOLD.
“Got this for my birthday in January and haven’t pooped since. It was worth it though, delicious cherry gumminess.”
“This is the biggest, baddest gummy M’Fer in the world! I dropped this bad boy on my cat and he fell throught the floor. Later, whilst being intruded upon by neighborhood thug-types, I used this Gummy of Death to deal out punishment upon them all. I am seriously thinking about moving underground and living a vigilante type life style with my gummy bear. It was originally a gift for my son, but screw him. He never cleans up after himself anyway, Brat.”
“I AM TRAPPED UNDER A 5 LB GUMMY BEAR! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, SEND THE JAWS OF LIFE!”
I have my septum and several ear piercings. The septum went super well, the piercer took his time finding the exact right spot and everything and was totally on top of things, but I will always remember the appointment most for how fucking. hot. he was. And he had this whole spiel about how we were gonna breathe in and out together and he said he would “pierce you on the exhale we share” and I was like *giggle giggle” okayyyyyyy. But I went back to the same studio for my extra ear piercings because of how impressed I was with him besides his cuteness and recommend it to everyone! If you’re in SF Braindrops is the place to go.
My piercer is also hella hot and although he doesn’t talk about shared breathing he does do the breath thing and god he is SO HOT. I am a frequent nose ring loser because I have to take it out for certain work events, and I ALWAYS have him put the new one in for me. ::Swoon::
Both my piercer AND her boyfriend are good friends of mine and hella attractive. LIFE ISN’T FAIR.
If anyone is looking for a piercer in northern/central NJ, Diamond Heart Body Piercing is the way to go.
I really want a maple seed pod on my inner arm. But right now, I feel like I should be a responsible adult and use that money for bills and medication. Next time I have extra cash though…
<img> <a href=”http://;http://lphotographie.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/helicpter-seeds.jpg” target=”_blank”>;http://lphotographie.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/helicpter-seeds.jpg
I have started wearing my nose ring again– I’d had a glass spacer in for months (because I didn’t think the ring was “work appropriate”) but it fell out and I lost it. Now I just wear the nose ring to work and hey, I sort of got a promotion, so apparently nobody cares!
Considering getting a nipple piercing this weekend. I’ve wanted one for a while but I don’t know whether it would be better to get in summer or winter. Winter means baggy sweaters which means I can get away with going braless if necessary. But winter also means dry skin and irritation. Anyone have thoughts/experience?
I have both nipples pierced and was able to wear a bra right after they were pierced with no issue. Actually, for me, not wearing a bra was an issue while healing. One night I rolled onto my stomach in my sleep, braless…ouch.
Winter also means cold-weather tight nipple situations, which for the first couple of days can be really painful.
I had mine done in April, which seemed to work out well for me? That way I was healed up enough by the summer to swim, but also not worry about super cold times.
A really really great piercer is guest piercing at the next town over next week and I’m getting the itch… But I have no idea what I would want done!
I’m thinking about getting my first tattoo (!!!)
I have the depressions and I like werewolves, but approximately 99.999% of all wolf/werewolf-related tattoo imagery is embarrassing as heck, so my idea was to use a heavily-stylized heraldric wolf rampant. Animals facing forwards in heraldry apparently sometimes means they’re actually people, and wolves symbolize captains who have succeeded after a long siege, which seems 100% appropriate for my ongoing quest against just lying down and quietly dying.
So — dorky depressions werewolf tattoo~
((is this a stupid idea??? if you saw someone with a cranky-looking heraldry wolf, would you be like, “dang girl, why not just get Three Wolf Moon emblazoned on you” augh))
I’ve also been considering getting the tattoo of the maple leaf pattern that was on the old water tower in my neighborhood in Seattle. I miss home, sob sob.
It sounds hella rad to me!
If you are worried about people asking questions about it, remember you never have to explain your tattoos to anyone.
And you can always get it in a place where it’s not immediately visible. That will cut down on strangers getting in your business.
I think that sounds ridiculously well-thought-out and amazing. I’m a sucker for heraldry, but I also think that the sort of stylized design you’re going to see in a heraldic wolf is adequately distinct from a Three Wolf Moon kind of thing that no one else would even have that association. I think it sounds amazing and you should do it. 🙂
YES that is an awesome idea! I used to have a shirt with a lion rampant on it and I wish I’d worn it more but it was from Alloy and never quite fit me properly 🙁
All of the heraldric wolf pictures that google is showing me look really badass, so I don’t think you need to feel at all silly about it.
I have a pair of helix piercings in my left ear, and I’m contemplating adding some extra holes on the right – not in the same spot, just balancing things out a little? When I first got the helix piercings, I wore a stud in the second hole in my right ear, but I let that hole close up at some point. Contemplating getting it repierced and maybe adding a third lobe piercing above it? But I’m not sure yet.
That was one of my biggest concerns with getting pierced this past weekend – I felt balanced, so anything I had done needed to be done equally! I have my left tragus, right industrial, both lobes stretched, both nipples and a sternal microdermal, so additional holes ended up being a nice even balance. 🙂
I’ve been pretty a-okay with my piercings being off-balance for years! I just, I don’t know, I want something new and piercings are easy and not too expensive and lobes heal up super easily. I’ve never had trouble with any of my piercings.
If I get a raise I’m gonna expand my scar piece in the next six months.
It’s a flower from a William Morris textile, on my ribs. I want to add a vine of ivy curving from my hip to my shoulderblade. I’ve been thinking about it for like five years (had the flower for seven) but couldn’t afford it.
Toastiieeeez, long time, no threadin’ for me! I’m putting off doing a cover letter for a new job and it’s giving me hives. My partner got a job in another city and we’ll be moving there in March. I’m sort of looking forward to it, but…feh. I really like my library job, and it pays hardly anything, but it gives me a sense of purpose for the week, y’know? I’m going to look for jobs in the library sector in the new town, but there are very few going around, and the idea of applying for jobs again is making me want to barf. It might be the kick I need to get going with a business plan for the brewery, I guess. Thankfully, I’ve mostly moved on from the overall feeling of powerlessness at the prospect of dropping everything and moving again for my spouse, because that was pretty low. It was my choice to move to cold ass England, my choice to stay here, and it’ll be my choice to make this experience work for me. This brewery isn’t going to open itself!
Meanwhile, some words of encouragement for filling out applications and doing cover letters would be appreciated! How do you get motivated and not lose your soul after several rounds of rejection?
As a result of this hemming and hawing over getting my act together, I’ve been eating the hell out of imported Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups while binge watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. They’re just…life-giving.
I am writing cover letters too, we can be buddies in reluctance. I have the luxury of applying while staying in my current job as long as I want, which takes a lot of the pressure/despair away. But it is still hard to not get attached to each application, even though I know that statistically they are mostly going to reject me. I do try to remind myself that since I have found several things to apply to, that means that there is some demand for my skills, even if any particular job doesn’t go anywhere. Each of them takes so much effort, though. Ugh.
I applied for a few jobs this week that seemed ho-hum while I was writing the cover letter, but then afterwards I found myself getting super excited by the prospects. Weird, but there it is.
I wish I had put off the CL writing long enough for the enthusiasm to hit me, but, deadlines. (I like to leave my applications until just before the deadline because sometimes when it takes more than a month to get a callback I feel really jarred by the phone call, like, “huh, I don’t remember doing …. *searches gmail inbox* …. OH! YOU! Yes! Hire me!”
Libraries definitely take several weeks to sort out the massive inflation of applications, so, that can get iffy.
My advice, of course: Look for good telecommuting stuff / online work. Virtual reference, e.g.
If you can find something that’s part-time hours and pays the bills but gives you room to do brewery planning, or pursue some volunteer stuff early on in the new town that will get you enough contacts to land a foot in the door in the library sector, that might all pan out pretty nicely (and give you time to settle in, decorate, etc).
I don’t eat a lot of candy as a snack. My snack-of-choice is a pretzel nuggety thing covered in cheese powder. I call them crack pretzels. If I could eat them like a cartoon anteater, like by vacuuming them into my face, I would. Using my fingers takes too long, and I get orange cheese powder on the pages.
Snyders of Hanover? I haven’t had them in a while, but they are, in fact, face-vacuumingly delicious.
YES. I couldn’t think of the name. I’m usually too busy getting them into my face to remember the specifics.
Oh my god I love those things. Also a big fan of the Buttermilk Ranch nugs. (At least, I was – it’s been far too long since we shared company, ranch pretzels and I.)
crack pretzels. perfect.
My brother eats cheetos with chopsticks now. I think he got it off of one of those “life-hack listicles.” If you’re good with chopsticks, that might help to keep your pages clean!
Yesterday was my birthday!
I am now 30. I am feeling okay about it (despite everybody on facebook being all “Damnnnn you’re old”). My fridge has champagne in it, I get to eat fancy ravioli in porcini butter sauce tomorrow night, and I had a cupcake for breakfast.
I have been (for the past 8 months or so) trying to get my shit together. Please give me all your advice for being a fancy 30-yo spinster/ general living in a good/mindful/grown-up manner. You are the best, Toasties. I love each and everyone of you.
Lately, I’ve been buying tulips for my apartment and it’s the best 7.99 to make me feel like an adult fancy lady.
Tulips are my #1 favorite flower but I have no idea on how to shop for vases.
Easy to clean! That’s the first criterion.
Thrift shops! Goodwill always has funky green-glass vases or something of that ilk. And what RoseCamelia said – easy to clean – so kind of wide, or get one of those long-neck vase/bottle cleaner things for skinnier vases.
Do you have a pitcher? Use a pitcher! (Nothing with too narrow a neck or, as RoseCamelia points out, it will be a hassle to clean it.)
I use a lot of random jars for flower display. Wee mason jars for small ones, cleaned/de-labeled spaghetti sauce jars for bigger…
Wine bottle with a pretty label is perfect for one long-stemmed rose.
I also use wine bottles as candle holders! So pretty.
Happy Birthday! Welcome to thirty!
Happy late birthday!! I will be 30 next year and I am sort of excited for it, as I too have been trying to get my shit together. Adulting is hard. My big challenge right now is to respond immediately to all correspondence – bills, letters, emails, texts – instead of thinking “Oh I’ll get to this on the weekend.”
WHY IS THIS SO HARD? I have paid my car registration late probably 7 out of the past ten years, simply because I kept thinking “oh, I’ll do that later”….and then forgot to actually do it.
Happy birthday! Best advice for trying to get your shit together: realizing you will never actually have your shit together and that’s okay because neither does anybody else really and as long as you’re happy and safe that’s all the together your shit needs to be.
Seconded 100% this is SO TRUE.
Thirded by the 43yo. *high-five*
Congrats on 30! I will get there a month from today.
This isn’t really advice, but I decided to take this month and reset myself. I’m not drinking for the month of February (with planned exception of Valentine’s Day), going to the gym, getting a lot of sleep, getting a haircut, and trying to do responsible things like rearrange my student loan payments and get renter’s insurance. Maybe I will start the next decade on the right foot?
Happy birthday! I am freshly 31, and I think the best thing I’ve done for myself in the last year was really figure out my financial life. I feel so much more calm and in control now that I don’t fret about that sort of thing as much. I use a simple spreadsheet for bills and keep a small ledger in my purse, but ymmv.
Happy belated birthday! Anyone bemoaning age is saying more about themselves than about you, so you keep doin’ you. Especially when you bein’ you means:
My fridge has champagne in it, I get to eat fancy ravioli in porcini butter sauce tomorrow night, and I had a cupcake for breakfast.
#bestlife
Seriously. I read that and thought, I have nothing to teach this person. And I want a breakfast cupcake.
Happy birthday! I’m turning 30 this year too, and I’m pretty excited. Like you, I have a bottle of bubbly in my fridge, and I’m happy every time I see it even if I don’t open it that night.
Really learning to take care of myself. Learning that means I don’t have to belittle or downplay my life just because I’m single. Why leave dirty dishes in the sink? I could! And I do! But I’ve been better on them than I ever was with my ex. I love doing them for me. I love being able to look at a clean kitchen and say, “I got it.” I love getting to tell people, “Nobody is going to clean up my messes.” It can feel a little isolating but it’s also been genuinely empowering.
When I go to the grocery store, I do NOT buy something cheaper or less fancy because “I’m single, who cares.” I buy it because that’s my budget or yeah, no-name is just as good. But I refuse to think I should get something less just because I’m one person.
Happy happy birthday! 30 is GREAT and it only gets better, in my opinion.
It’s not fancy, but I feel more grown-up when I budget and track my spending. It also makes me less worried about money/the future, and helps me plan for big purchases, vacations, etc without much stress. I use this program and I mostly use the methods that they recommend.
High five, birthday girl! I’ll be turning 30 next week, and I agree that’s only OTHER people that make it a big deal. Glad to hear that others got through it unscathed. And I second all the suggestions about getting something small/nice for your home.
I’m 100% done with this week. A coworker keeps questioning my work and sending increasingly condescending emails to not only me, but to our entire project team. I’m at the point where I dread every phone call and go home frustrated every night. I would quit if the market was better, now I’m considering going back to school and go into a completely different field.
On a happier note, I just finished paying off my degree and have gotten into hot yoga. The only exercise I’ve done in the past three years has been physio related, it’s nice to finally start doing something normal.
Yo, paying off your degree is a huge accomplishment! Congratulations!!
WHOA paid off your degree? Congratulations! That’s a big deal.
Reese’s peanut butter cups ALL the time, but especially the seasonal ones where the peanut butter to chocolate ratio is higher for maximum enjoyment.
Toasties, Drynuary is over! I went on a date on Monday and had many delicious (expensive 🙁 ) cocktails.
Hoo boy, did my alcohol tolerance go down! I was a bit hungover on Sunday.
Oh yeah! My friends and I stayed up for steak and wine at midnight (they had gone pescetarian for the month, too) and I was drunk off two glasses of wine.
I love Kit-Kats to the point where I can’t have any around or I’ll eat the whole bag. Which is why I haven’t had any in months.
Similarly, there are some websites I just Cannot Visit because I will spend hours going through the backlogs. See: Autostraddle, Girls With Slingshots, Hark A Vargant, Etc.
Toasties, what do you love so much that you have to ration exposure to it?
Video games. I started a system recently where I “buy” time playing video games by doing creative or healthy things, like writing or meditating or practicing my clarinet or exercising.
Candy-wise, I have a hard time with pretzel M&Ms. I ate a whole bag in two days this week. Also, Takis Fuegos and spicy crunchy Cheetos.
The Toast. But let’s be candid: my rationing efforts are a massive fail.
I absolutely cannot watch TV by myself. Especially at night, when there’s nothing pressing left to do. It turns into a really unhealthy, all consumping marathon.
I watch some tv shows every week, but I make sure to make it a social activity, so we cap it at one episode and then cook dinner or something after. If I want to watch a Netflix show like OiTNB, I lgoogle hangout with a friend so we can watch it together and discuss it afterward, and make sure to schedule the hangout in between two other things I need to do.
The Toast! It got to the point where I was blowing off my entire morning reading all the posts, commenting, etc. I had to put a moritorium on myself, otherwise all would be lost (today is an exception because the weather is shitty and it’s a good excuse to stay inside!)
Me too! I put off looking at the Open Thread until lunchtime because otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten anything done this morning!!
Yay, I’m not alone!
Sent from my iPad
I keep up with Questionable Content regularly (so, generally just read one comic per day) but twice have randomly read through the entire backlog, which takes many hours. Someday this may happen again and there are 2891 strips now so that could be bad…
Now that shit’s getting INTENSE in QC I have been feeling an urge to do the same!
Foodwise: Potato chips. Or Doritos, or Pringles. All salty and crispy and succulent, augh, sooooo tastyyyyy
I used to have a similar issue with World of Warcraft, which is essentially computerized crack. I’m kind of relieved I stopped playing, to be honest.
I have a problem with chocolate digestives. This mostly resolved itself when I left the UK but now I live a block away from a grocery store that has an inexplicably large selection of weird British food and I need to be very careful when I go there.
Book Question!
All this Harper Lee news got me picking up my copy of Mockingbird, and it has a price sticker on it with a date! So now I know I first read it at age 13, which is a fun fact. And all the skeeviness and skepticism around the news made me think I want to drop the new book down a time-portal to my 13-year-old self to enjoy at a time I didn’t know anything about the skeevy circumstances surrounding it.
I also read John Green’s Paper Towns recently and it was the fun parts were so fun but I was rolling my eyes so hard at the serious parts. And, like, being super scared for Margo rather than admiring her free-spiritedness. I want to send that one back to myself at 17, to love wholeheartedly and probably reread a bunch of times.
So: What’s a book you know about now that you wish you could drop in a time machine?
I tried House of Leaves when I was 24 or 25. Thought it was ridiculous. But had you given that book to me ten years earlier it would probably have loved it and analyzed it to pieces and thought it was brilliant.
Boyfriend is reading that right now, interspersed with comics to break it up. I glance over at it occasionally and I’m like…uuuugh who has the TIME. I bet you’re right though, at some point I wouldn’t have cared about that line between “deep and fun to analyze” and “what on earth is so special about this that it deserves to be 800 pages long and full of puzzles?”
On the Road. I miss actually believing in that kind of romanticism, not finding it irritating and not knowing that Kerouac was a horrible misogynist.
All of Woody Allen’s short story collections, for obvious reasons.
Also the Redwall books because I tried to reread them last year and felt kind of sad that I just couldn’t get that excited about fighting mice the way I used to.
ooof Redwall is right on that line – I can’t decide whether to reread it for nostalgia or not risk ruining my memories of it.
It kinda made me realize how relationship-obsessed I’ve become as an adult, because I still love re-reading Harry Potter but Redwall was just about fighting and I think that’s why it didn’t do it for me– it’s just the fighting mice with some breaks for feasting.
hmm, good point! I bet a big appeal of those to my kid-self was that no one did anything so ~girly~ as fall in love. But if I remember right, there weren’t really even any friendships, were there? Just, like, animals banding together to fight evil? Which is almost as unrealistic as “the hero always gets the girl.”
There was the one where the badger and the hawk were best friends and the plot focused around their friendship, it all got a bit Achilles/Patroklos though iirc so not really avoiding the focus on fighting.
yeah, even at the time that I loved those books I knew they were basically all the same plot with different characters and settings. Still awesome, but if I ever do re-read I don’t think I’d pick up more than one or two!
S, by J J Abrams and Doug Dorst. It’s a perfect blend of spy stuff, excessive footnotes, multilevel mysteries. So awesome. 15 year old Floridagal would have read it way more obsessively than 27 year old Floridagal has time to.
The Kingkiller Chronicles. Starts with The Name of the Wind. I’m reading them via recommendation from a good friend, and I *want* to love them so badly and I like *like* them…but the full on insane recklessness and confusion at the consequences of said recklessness of the main character gives me anxiety. The teenager-me who spent hours in the high fantasy section of the bookstore would LOVE them.
I enjoyed the first one, but the second one made me want to throw the book around the room a lot. (HE LITERALLY SAYS “NOT ALL MEN” AT ONE POINT.)
Oh dear. I haven’t started it yet. The friend who recommended to me is male (a very excellent specimen of the breed! But still), so probably not something he caught.
Yeah, I am not sure if I’m going to read the third one. Also, EVERY lady wants to sleep with him? Every last one?
Ha, I never heard of these, but looking at them in goodreads: 2 friends have given Name of the Wind 5 stars, one has given it 2 stars and a long rant about misogyny. Perfect.
I wish I’d read the LoTR books as an adolescent because as much as I love them having found them as an adult, I would’ve lapped that shit up at age 13. On the flip side, I’m really really glad Twilight wasn’t published until I was an adult because 13-year old Jinx would ALSO have lapped that shit up and I can only imagine the damage it might have done to my pysche. (Although, I read all the VC Andrews books and emerged relatively unscathed, so who knows.)
This isn’t for “enjoy when I can” purposes, but for “HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS UNTIL I WAS TWENTY-THREE, I WAS A GODDAMN MATH MAJOR” reasons: The Man Who Knew Too Much: Alan Turing and the Invention of the Computer. I could send the Hodges biography without invoking a paradox, but it’s really long and rather assumes you know the basic story of the Enigma already.
I’m not answering this in the spirit you asked the question, am I.
no, the book time machine is for all book-sending purposes! Younger-self would be so happy if I could send back some of today’s awesome-female-protagonist YA. Either at age 10 when I was super annoyed at the lack of leading ladies, or at age 20 when I was all brain-scrambled from finals and didn’t have a good stash of quick fun reads as antidotes.
Of course the highest power of the book time machine is sending yourself one Harry Potter book per year starting at age 11 so you can read it in “real time.”
I’ve been side-eyeing Green’s The Fault in Our Stars because I’m pretty sure I cannot take it seriously at age 30. When I was about 12 I was going through a phase of reading everything written by Lurlene McDaniels, which all include a main character with cancer or life-threatening congenital illness, who would fall in love with protagonist girl and then of course, die sadly and movingly. I bet 12 year old me would *love* TFiOS.
One of my male coursemates asked me jokingly, after I made some comments, “What are you, some kind of a feminist?”
I didn’t blink and said, “Yes.”
He got uncomfortable after I just stared at him, daring him to say anything else, and left.
I feel like it’s been a good week.
Hey Toasties! I am INCREDIBLY EXCITED because I’m going to Mardi Gras!!!!! I have been to New Orleans before and will be staying with my best friend and her wonderful dude who live there (as do many other people I know), so I am not like, wading into the great unknown, but please give me your recommendations for how to survive Mardi Gras and also any favorite places in NOLA I can add to my already quite large list of spots to go to/things to stuff my face with!!
Elizabeth’s in Bywater forever. The batter for the fried green tomatoes is made with the tears of angels.
so many favorite Nola places, but I’m going to limit myself to just one suggestion:
La Boulangerie, on Magazine St. It’s an amazing French bakery, with beautiful pastries of all sorts and also really delicious sandwiches and great bread and coffee and ah!! The almond croissants in particular are to die for.
Oh that’s so exciting! I’m gonna jump in here because I’m going to New Orleans later this month for work and want to know what kind of delicious foods I can make my company buy for me.
Are you going to be in the French Quarter?
I think our hotel is on the riverfront but it looks walkable to the French Quarter!
Have a blast! I recommend you check out any of these restaurants & bars.
French Quarter
August – John Besh’s flagship restaurant. Amazing. Very expensive. But! They offer a Friday prix fixe lunch deal: three courses + an amuse bouche + tiny post-dessert chocolates and pralines for just $20.15!
Port of Call – Divey & touristy & a total blast. Probably because of the incredibly strong drinks. Amazing burgers and baked potatoes (and those are literally the only two items on the menu.) Drink a monsoon.
GW Fins – Great seafood. Right off of Bourbon St.
NOLA – The best of Emeril’s restaurants.
Bayona – Susan Spicer is the shit!
K-Paul – A classic. Right on Bourbon St.
Pat O’s – Be careful: the Hurricanes sneak up on you. Sit by the fire fountain on the patio.
Carousel Bar – It has a carousel. It moves around the lovely bar. Great drinks. Order a Gin Fizz.
Old Absinthe House – Right on Bourbon. THE place to try a Sazerac.
Lafitte’s – One of my favorite bars. It’s all the way at the end of Bourbon, past the gay bars. Order a “purple people eater” – imagine a cup of melted grape popsicle and booze.
Preservation Hall – A delight, even though it’s super touristy. Great music.
Gold Mine Saloon – A dancey dive bar. Great tunes. Drink some flaming Dr. Peppers and dance your ass off. A warning – pay cash and don’t open a tab. There can be some fuzzy math with your drink prices when you give them a card.
Deanie’s – Delicious seafood. Reasonable prices. Known for their BBQ shrimp.
Central Grocery – Mufalettas. Get one to-go for lunch and take it to the river to eat while watching the boats.
Frenchman
Praline Connection – Soul food. Fried chicken, fried catfish, mac n cheese, greens. I hope they still serve fried pickles.
Spotted Cat – If you want a dirty jazz bar (and who doesn’t?) the Spotted Cat on Frenchman street is the best. For other music venues wander on Frenchman, but stay south (on the river side) of the Marigny Brasserie. Check out the music calendars for all the New Orleans bars at offbeat.com.
d.b.a – Another great live music venue on Frenchman. Great beer selection. The big local names play here. Try to catch John Boutte or Treme Brass Band.
CBD
Mother’s – A nostalgic favorite. Cafeteria style. Hilarious ladies working behind the counter. Great po boys and fried chicken. Get the “debris” po boy and make sure to have some pecan pie. There is always a line, but it moves relatively fast.
Cochon – I have dinner here every time I’m in the city. It was my default “birthday dinner” place year after year. Great food, great drinks, relaxed atmosphere. First time I came here, Giada DiLaurentis was filming a segment for her travel show. She’s an insanely gorgeous and unbelievably tiny human IRL.
Herbsaint – I will eat lunch hear multiple days in a row when I’m in town. Gumbo of the Day, every day. Same chef owner as Cochon.
Swizzle Stick Bar – Attached to Cafe Adelaide. Legit bartenders making legit cocktails. Feel like a baller grownup sipping classic drinks in a swanky lounge.
Just a heads up that LOTS of stores/restaurants are closed for Mardi Gras- probably due to a a combination of not wanting to deal with large drunk crowds and employees wanting to go to see the krewes roll themselves. Thus, you have 6 hour waits for Dominos pizza.
Also, finding a bathroom is damn near impossible. Have small bills because establishments will charge you to use their toilets. I recommend finding a church because (1) the people are usually fundraising and (2) they have the cleanest bathrooms. Absolutely carry your own toilet paper & hand sanitizer.
BRING A COSTUME! Mardi Gras is a day to dress up for locals – it can be funny/sexy/cool/whatever.
Thanks for the tips on small bills/TP/sanitizer–SUPER appreciated. I heard the same thing about stuff being closed but I am there for 5 days total–will stuff be closed the whole time or just the actual Mardi?
You should be fine until Monday/Tuesday.
If you are there on Thursday, you absolutely need to see Muses roll.It’s the bad-ass all-ladies krewe that hands one of the most coveted throws – decorated shoes! Ahhh you are going to have so much fun!
Bring very comfortable, very sturdy, and vomit-proof shoes. There is pretty much nowhere to sit, and the police won’t even let you sit on the ground (not that you’d want to, since it’s covered in pink hurricane vomit). Which isn’t to say it won’t be fun!
Oh i am late late late!! We found that the intensity of the frat boy behaviour decreased (linearly) as you increased distance from the Quarter. The quarter itself is a madhouse, with snotty boys shouting about tits and more beer than can possibly be good for anybody. Two blocks away it settles down some, and then gets more and more kid friendly and geezer friendly as you head out the parade routes. We had fun collecting ENOUGH necklaces, which was amusing, and which became the basis of the Best Pirate Treasure box EVAR once the sprog was large enough to appreciate them. Also we had so many that we could give them away to visitors, letting them have ENOUGH also. I am a huge fan of ENOUGH.
Beyond that, if you can, stick around for Ash Wednesday and have coffee and beignets at Cafe du Monde. Also walking around the Quarter in the quiet is serene and spooky and kind of wonderful.
Toasties, I’ve been working my ass off on a HUGE project all week (and last week, and the week before, and…) I feel like I’ve been spending all my time running around fixing problems. My more senior coworkers are providing feedback on it, and while a lot of it is good and worthwhile, I feel like I’m getting a lot of “you’re doing this wrong, this is wrong, fix this, there is only One Correct Way and you are not following it”. I’m trying to figure out where to draw the line between trusting their judgement and trusting my own. (incidentally, all of our higher-ups have repeatedly praised me and my project partner for the work we’ve done on this project.) And now to cap things off, while we’re pushing to reach this deadline, the seniors want to have an extended meeting with me + project partner on Monday, where they’ll (I’m sure) insist on major changes to forms we offered for review and tried to finalized weeks ago. I’m afraid I’m going to cry, scream at them, or both. Advice? Thoughts?
“Thanks for the input. I really appreciate it.”
Take notes. Then prioritize. Make only the few changes that rank at the top of the list. Ignore the rest. “We ran out of time, but your suggestion was excellent.” Gad, how stressful. Good luck.
Ahhh, thank you, that is an excellent idea and I shall follow it forthwith. I just talked with my awesome project partner too, and we strategized on how to address the seniors’ concerns and basically had a We’re Awesome People, We Can Do This meeting. Which was great. Go us!!
Detach during the meeting but take good notes. Then, you can review after without the threat of meltdown. I need time to process, especially if I’m hearing shit news. You can always ask questions later.
Thank you! Going to do my best to do this as well. I can’t always totally detach but I’ll try to get there if I need to.
ALSO: TELL ME YOUR GUY FIERI HOROSCOPE, THE ONLY HOROSCOPE THAT MATTERS
So Cancer is not an option for Guy Fieri?
Huh.
Surprised.
Cancers are too home-oriented for Guy Fieri; Guy Fieri would never be caught dead sitting at home watching Netflix.
Alternately: Guy Fieri’s food already gives you cancer, what do you need to be a Cancer for.
I has none, apparently.
Capricorn. Whew
LUCKY, I’m flavortown Guy Fieri 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
Me too. Literally the worst.
Well, it could be worse – there could be a sign involving the sunglasses on the wrong side of his head.
I think that’s what Cancer actually is. Or maybe that weird 13th sign everyone was panicking about a few years ago?
Libra. Fuck.
Same here, friend. At least we’re not Pisces?
Solidarity.
“IS NEVER GUY FIERI” FUCK YEAH
In a tree, on a tree limb, about 18 feet up … balance. All about balance.
Guy Fieri when he’s eating hot wings.
Also I have noticed when he introduces himself on DD&D that he always tries to roll the R in his own last name but he can’t actually do it, so he says ‘Guy Fieddi.” Every time.
Sagittarius… actually that’s about right! I’m basically Bob from What About Bob when it comes to eatin’.
Noooooooooooooooo Guy Fieri flirting with a poor, helpless waitress 🙁
Dammit, Guy, why did you have to ruin Pisces, too? And why do I have to hang out with the guy from Smash Mouth at all??? Sigh. Jerk.
Also, I was thinking this morning about the strangest place I’ve ever had sex.
I’ll bury it in the comments, but–what’s the strangest place you’ve had sex?
Manka, this is for you. Remember how you asked me about the affair with the guy who taught Mesopotamian erotic magic? Well, the first night I met him, he took me to the Near East Studies library and I ended up with some remarkable carpet burn. Pro tip: academic libraries do not have plushy sofas or anything like that, they have really scratchy industrial carpeting that is hard on skin, and you’ll want to make sure you have a jacket or something.
A not-very-well-hidden public park bench in Minnesota (I don’t live in Minnesota).
this is a great story! both the location and the person!
I love SO MUCH that you remembered this and called me out here that I laughed out loud so hard I started choking. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I’ve gotten rug burns from sex on the floor, too, only it wasn’t nearly so exciting as a library. Just some guy’s basement. Granted, it was the not guy I was fucking on the floor and in fact I don’t think I even knew the guy whose basement it was? AH YOUTH.
Probably the oddest place I’ve had sex was in a church, under the altar. A guy I was seeing had a key (his mom was the housecleaner for the church) and I convinced him that would be awesome. It was. Or there was the time I had sex in some farmer’s field and thank goodness I was wearing a full skirt because that would be been filthy otherwise. Or there was the time in the back seat of the car that the guy’s dad was restoring. AH YOUTH.
Edit: Whoop! I forgot the time in the parking lot of the Catholic Campus Ministries.
Ooh, a church! This was a fantasy for me when I was a teen, mostly because it gave me something to think about when I was bored in church. Well done.
I’m just reading these and I feel like we could be friends.
The model airplane field of a township park after dark. I’m pretty sure I had pine needles sticking into my butt. I don’t even remember if it was worth it.
An ice gorge in the Gobi Desert.
Pack it in, folks, we have a winner.
Haha thanks! I remain terribly proud of that one. There was a frozen waterfall for extra ambience, and when we were done (and fully re-clothed) we ran and slid down the gorge like a giant frozen slip-n-slide.
That is one of the best sex stories I have ever heard.
A North Carolina swimming hole.
Um.
Well.
On top of a multistory car park, probably. Middle of the week, middle of the day.
And of course I did all the goth teen abandoned graveyards makeouts.
How about the strangest place I was asked this very question?
About 15 years ago: Sitting on the floor in a circle at work with the rest of my coworkers. We’re speed-stuffing envelopes for an upcoming conference we’re hosting. The director (she’s at the top, reports to the board) asks us to go around the circle and describe … the strangest place we’ve had sex. Everyone (all women, thank goodness) chimes in. I am aghast that such a question happens at work, and quickly invent fiction for my turn. No way am I revealing that shit with coworkers. Not all of them.
Hehe, you said “bury it.”
In the butt??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XM5hbS7GlU
BEST
In the darkroom in the basement of the journalism school? (Wow, dating myself with that one.)
On a balcony overlooking the ocean at a resort in Jamaica.
In a bathroom stall in the basement of a pub in Dublin.
On the floor of a mutual friend’s parents’ mud room.
And I got to 2nd base once in a patch of poison ivy.
My reactions reading this list quickly descended from “Awesome!” to “oh hell no do I want to ask about the itchiness I am not sure.”
Backseat of a car on a deserted level of the parking garage at the Edmonton Airport.
On a tiny island just offshore the Kahala Hotel, at night, because I was house less at the time.
House Without A Key-less?
(I am pretty sure I’m thinking of the right hotel and the right tiny island…)
Boyfriend’s childhood bedroom immediately after meeting his family for the first time. “Hello family, nice to meet you. We’re just going to go upstairs and unpack, be back in a second.”
I did something very similar once 🙂
In the back of a truck in a parking space on the Gettysburg battlefield in the middle of the day.
I think my strangest place is a cemetery (I was in high school so locations away from parents were scarce but I also I really liked the idea of being the weird chick who had sex in a graveyard, let’s be honest I still do). But I’ve also had sex in a library, under a tree in a city park, in a doorway on a public street at 3 am, a bath house (the sex kind, not the bathing kind) and a broom closet at a bar. I am not even really that turned on by sex in public places but I sure do like having the stories to tell.
DANG YO.
You are my hero, that’s all
Ohio.
No, but seriously, probably a supply closet in a food co-op (which was in Ohio, so the point still stands).
ETA: This happened during the semester that my friends and I decided to play “Sexy Bingo.” We all got bingo cards with 25 locations around campus and the goal was to see who could get Bingo. I don’t think anyone did (my bf at the time and I weren’t trying to, we were just in a really intense honeymoon phase and wanted to do it everywhere) but that semester I had sex in a dorm lounge, an empty classroom, and the library stacks (during finals! when there were people everywhere!). Bad guy; great semester.
Sounds like an Oberlin story.
GEE, WHAT GAVE IT AWAY
Haha this is amazing! Everyone has such great stories! Mine are:
1. a schoolbus parked in the parking lot of a catholic school
2. the dugout of a community baseball field
3. the basement of my friend’s house while my other friends were sleeping extremely close by
First one to come to mind is the basement of a chapel, while a wedding was going on upstairs.
Oh dear:
– middle of a stage in an (empty!) black-box theater
– grass field behind Herbert Hoover’s birthplace
– subway platform (construction equipment helped for hiding)
– on the roof of an astronomy tower, using a telescope base for leverage
– and the list goes on
I might be a bit of an exhibitionist, I think.
grass field behind Herbert Hoover’s birthplace
I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THIS THAT’S AWESOME
On Emily Dickinson’s grave. We didn’t go there to have sex, just to look at the grave, but then we had sex.
uh, ten thousand points to that.
This is my favorite.
On some rocks on the banks of the Sea of Marmara.
Or in the woods right by the side of a road, at night. Paused nervously when a car drove by.
The gondola at the Grand Teton ski area in Jackson Hole.
In on the desk in two separate Senator’s offices in Parliament House (Australia). Also once on a Senator’s couch.
The sex was with a fellow intern, not a Senator, just to be clear.
FALLEN LONDON THREAD! What’s everyone been up to?
I finally finished my Zubmarine and I’ve been zailing around ever since. I went to Hunter’s Keep and enjoyed my time with the three sisters, though they seem to be there only to further an Ambition which I do not have. (I’ve reached the end of my own Ambition for now!) I’m now in Polythreme and I’m not sure exactly what is going on, but I’m having a good time regardless. Not sure what I’ll do when I get back to London, though.
I just got a counterfeit head of John the Baptist! Fake relics are among my favorite things! (Ask me about the afikomen at the Last Supper sometime.) I started an expedition to the Cave of the Nadir, but it seems to have several parts, and all the things I can use to combat Irrigo and get to the next part are either really expensive or really hard to find (5 eyeless skulls? It took me a week of grinding to get one). Also, this Zubmarine is going to take forever to make. Anyone have a good source for phosphorescent scarabs, primordial shrieks, or maniac’s prayers?
You can get lamplighters’ beeswax (to convert into phosphorescent scarabs) on Watchmaker’s Hill – go to the Department of Menace Eradication and help the chandleress. The higher your Dangerous is, the more lumps of beeswax you get (I got 97 per action with Dangerous in the high 160s), If you have access to the Labyrinth of Tigers you can get primordial shrieks on the second coil.
It took me ages to get the 5 eyeless skulls, but the other options were equally expensive – at least you get lots of secrets while trying, and maybe the odd brass ring to sell in the Bazaar.
I actually found an even better source for lamplighter’s beeswax in the “unfinished business on Ladybones Road,” but it takes 1000 beeswax for 100 scarabs, which is why I was wondering if there was a source just for scarabs. If not, I’ll just keep grinding for beeswax.
Where did you do your eyeless skull grinding? On smaller expeditions or seeking curios and secrets?
Seeking curios and secrets!
It worked out pretty well because whenever my deck was clogged with non-discardable eyeless skull cards, I just did more seeking until my nightmares drove me insane and cleared my deck again.
I have had two counterfeit head of John the Baptist; the first one I played pranks with, and I’m gonna totally make out with the second one someday.
I think this has been my answer like 3 weeks running, but I’m dead. Again. (I finally got serious about grinding my stats to 100 so I can be a POSI, and started with Dangerous because it was the closest. I’m up to a modified 94 now and getting a little bored. I may switch to a different stat for a while.)
I really fell off the wagon on Fallen London but Sunless Sea is out today and I am super excited because it seemed really great when I tried it out a couple of months ago and then I put it away so I could enjoy it when it was all properly done AND NOW IT IS.
Yeah, Sunless Sea really looks awesome. I’m so broke right now, though.
My ambition is Light Fingers, and there’s a professor or something I have to go to Zee to find (to help a lady who is pregnant with some kind of monster. shudder). I’m not a POSI, so I can’t buy a ship yet, but I had a buttload of glim lying around so I swapped it for map scraps which I swapped for a ticket to Polythreme, and now I’m in Polythreme. Can I find the professor here, or do I need to return to zee?
That’s my ambition too! And no, unfortunately Dr. Vaughan is not in Polythreme. She has a hidden encampment on the coastline; you’ll need your own ship to get that far.
(Also: once you’ve found her you will need some supplies, including whirring contraptions, Aeolian screams, puzzle damask and correspondence plaques. Stock up before you go – don’t be like me and have to make 2 trips!)
If you’ve been kicked out of the University, it’s even worse. I had to do tons of scientific research (which, let’s admit, was fun) on expeditions to get readmitted on sufferance to the Uni so that Dr. Vaughan would even talk to me, and equip Respectability +9, but even so I still got turned away by her because my scandal levels were too high! Prim Dr. Vaughan! Luckily I actually really like taking to the sea so an extra trip or two is no big deal.
Well done! Did you solve the Jack case? I’ve done up to the Polythreme bit, this week actually. I’ve a zubmarine in my sights for later, then I’ll solve the rest.
I got a newspaper this week, which was pretty sweet! It’s called Votes for Women (shamelessly taken from M&N’s rejected names for The-Toast). It was quite expensive, but I like the idea of having my suffragist ideas in print. I’m also anticipating the Feast of the Rose, and have been reading up on I’m a Candle about it.
I like all of the grossest candies. Candy corn, circus peanuts, Necco wafers,those pink lozenges that you can get in a bag as gas stations, swedish fish, etc. If it has a vague, unidentifiable flavor I’m all over it.
I will also eat basically anything, candy or not, that has nuts and/or raisins in it. Apparently this puts me in the minority? But those are the two best foods.
CANADA MINTS! CANADA MINTS ARE THE BEST!!!!
I am also a huge fan of all of those minus the Swedish fish because those just taste like cough medicine to me.
I also love gross candy! I take everybody’s discarded black jelly beans at Easter time.
Every once in a while, you can find bags of all-black jelly beans hidden in the depths of the Walgreens Easter candy aisle. Those are great days for Ma Jinx and me.
oh god my ex was one of you, he would munch on spice drops and necco wafers and canada mints and blerfgkfkdfgjhn
yassss necco wafers
I haven’t had any since the necco heart recipe switch, though, I’ve been too afraid. Also, they are not vegetarian? Chocolate were the best flavor, grape was the worst.
The hearts suuuuuuuuuuck now. There’s a huge bowl in my office and I’ve eaten two, that’s how bad they are.
They are fucking terrible, do not eat. I was so disappointed when I ate a white one and it didn’t taste like Pepto-Bismol 🙁
The white ones were the best! WHY NECCO
Oh lord. I worked in a candy store in high school that specialized in old-timey candies like Necco wafers and swedish fish. I tried everything at least once, but I tried all your faves ONLY once. I do not see the appeal.
However, I did discover a lot of new favorite snacking candies: gummy bears, juice-filled gummy bears, peach rings, apple rings, pear jelly beans, and these weird raspberry heart-shaped gummies we only sold around Valentine’s Day. I should go back there this weekend and try to get some…
Have you had drop? Drop is the Grossest Candy.
SPORTS HERE ARE MORE CAP LOCKED WORDS SPORTSSSSS
Katie Ledecky. Swimming legend. Favorite daughter of the DC area. High school senior.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/highschools/…
Diana Taurasi will not be playing in the WNBA this summer. GOOD. Get it the fuck together, WNBA.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/early-lead/wp…
10-year-old-girl beats Steph Curry in 3-point contest, is fucking awesome:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/06/10-year-…
Does anyone else have a major crush on Kate Fagan? My days are made when I get home to her breezily killing it on “Around the Horn”.
Guys played sports this week, too, I think, please discuss them if you’d like.
TALK TO ME, PALS!
this is such a nice article about Katie Ledecky http://grantland.com/the-triangle/katie-ledecky-a…
This is great, thank you for linking it! KATIE LEDECKY: PROFESSIONAL BADASS STUD
Football is over. My heart has been stomped and shattered and can now begin to heal, with the help of increased posting by football players on social media. I follow Eddie Lacy on Instagram, who posts a lot of photos of his adorable pit bull, and Clay Matthews on Twitter, who is just weird and has a lot of strange sponsored posts.
The end of football just reminds me how far away spring and warmth and happiness are, though…
(NEXT YEAR IS THE PACKERS’ YEAR)
TOASTIE PACKERS FANS UNITE!
*tips cheesehead* m’packersfan!
I am from Seattle and I love Marshawn Lynch the most and I am still in agony tbh. Speak not to me; I will retire to a hut devoid of handeggs forever.
Portland, I will be in you at the beginning of March!
I have a friend living there who will help me out with finding a place to stay, but I’d love to hear advice from anyone here who lives there.
Also, advice on how to meet people would be great too. I’m coming from a town where for two years, I maybe only had one friend who I was close to and she moved away a year ago so I am yearning for social interaction.
Welcome. I live in a Portland-adjacent suburb. Like anywhere else, work seems the place to start with finding friends. However, choosing a food/drink/feminist book establishment that seems to fit your personality and then becoming a regular there seems to work well too. Many people here are not from here, so we can all bond over our sad midwestern upbringings or what have you.
Obvs, this is a city where you can let your geek flag fly, so if there is some random activity that you really enjoy—Magic cards? Parkour? Raising rabbits for meat?—there is always someone else who does that activity too and is not embarrassed to talk about it and you should go ahead and do that activity together.
That’s great to hear! I’m already excited for the amount of writing groups Portland seems to have.
Welcome!
Congrats! I’ve been in Portland for a little over a year, and it is awesome. I am terrible at making new friends though, so I’m not much help there. BUT if you like trivia, there are about 800 trivia nights across the city. If you’re a braver soul than I, I imagine you could go up to people and ask to join their team and then you’d have like 4 new friends.
I have this weird, but useful quirk in my personality where if I’m the new person, I become the bravest and least shy person. It’s only when I get into my comfort zone that I become super shy and reserve. It’s weird but it helps out when I’m the new kid.
Last week I posted, in a bit of a meltdown, about my need to diet/exercise/make a lifestyle change, because of high glucose levels and other blood tests that show I’m pre-diabetic. Thank you so much to everyone who offered advice. I’m trying to take it all in! Starting to love Youtube exercising and also, I’ll be weightlifting and feeling badass pretty soon.
The only thing I have to report today is that I’m starting to feel the effects that the large dose of Seroquel I take is having on me. I’m beyond tired, beyond lethargic … in fact, yesterday I went to bed at 4:30pm and got up at 7:00am today. So, instead of waiting to decrease my dose of Seroquel, I will, with the help of my pdoc, start doing that immediately. My daughter is now advocating that I take THC in pill form to help me to sleep. Think I’ll start with the Trazodone, though.
I’m also unduly optimistic about losing weight, in spite of past, failed experiences … whatever. If the lifestyle change is only making me happy so far, I’m not going to analyze it. Something is working for the better. Next week I’ll get the scale I ordered from Target, and see where I’m at. Harsh reality: I will slay you with my mania!
OOOH! I’m currently having pre-diabetic/ diabetes related meltdowns… I would love links to youtube exercising if you have them handy!
I do find that thc (although I “take” it in a less formal fashion, ifyouknowhatImean) really helps me get to sleep and stay relaxed while I’m sleeping, but I don’t know how it might work with other stuff.
So, THC wouldn’t make me giggly and silly? Because that’s my only experience with pot. My daughter tells me that there are different kinds of pot which are used to treat all sorts of things. I don’t know that much about it.
So, keeping in mind that my knowledge is primarily recreational, not medical, and that I’m at work so I can’t google it too much, there are basically two ways you can get high from THC – sativas give you a “head high,” which can be giggly and silly (or paranoid and anxious, in the case of some of my friends), while an indica will give you a “body stone” – a much more relaxed, slowed-down kind of feeling. In my experience, indicas don’t necessarily make me any sleepier than I already was, but it’s much easier for me to relax enough to fall asleep. In Washington, at least, the medical marijuana places really try to dial in the different strains and their effects to get you the kind that works best for you. Also, edibles are generally considered a gentler high, although they’re much easier to accidentally take too much of.
There are many different strains of cannabis which actually barely get you even the SLIGHTEST bit high, but rather treat various needs. It’s true that many of them are primarily indica-based, but the THC levels are miniscule and many would not even give the body high.
It sounds like you’re doing great! Baby steps, baby steps.
Youtube exercising has definitely really helped me as well. I love the zumba videos!
For the lethargy… just as different yoga poses stretch different parts of the body, they also stretch different parts of the mind. Maybe you could google “yoga poses for fatigue” or “for energy” or something and see what comes up? Half-tortoise pose is supposed to help, for example.
In any case, good luck and keep up the hard work! 🙂
Hurray for you! That’s great news.
Dog thread! I stayed home sick on Tuesday:
LOVE IT!
This guy just wants some nachos please thanks:
Aw man! That face! How can you resist?
For starters, I’ve changed my name/avatar on here. I do enough promoting of/commenting on articles on this site that I’d rather not be so readily identifiable to people I know IRL. Shouldn’t be too hard to figure out who I was before, though.
Also, I spent this past weekend back in my old college town, and had one of the most fun weekends I’ve had in a long time. The problem, however, is I got as drunk as I’ve ever been, and then the next morning had to drive (hungover) four hours home in a wicked snowstorm. Definitely not fun.
The occasion was the annual reveal of the students portraying the mascots at my Alma Mater (a role I served for a year) and it is, without fail, one of the most fun groups of people on earth to hang out with. Somehow I forget every year, and then I get to be reminded all over again. It’s a small, tight-knit group who have all shared in a pretty odd experience. It is my favorite weekend every year.
I had to do that when I moved from The Hairpin over here. I just can’t say I thing about my job so I sort quit commenting. It’s weird, because I lost the sense of community I had felt, but that’s what could have also made me identifiable.
Almond Joys!! Or Mounds–depending on which chocolate I’m feeling at the time, although generally I would prefer no almonds, just delicious coconut. Anyone else bite the almond off first and then savor the rest slowly?
AND I quit smoking! And I’m SO BORED. It was totally fine to stop smoking, I haven’t had any physical cravings at all (though I wonder if my recent neck pain is somehow tied in??), but I’m just so bored of not doing it. I think in my head I had expected to relapse and it therefore seemed like a temporary thing, but I haven’t, and I think I’m stubborn enough not to, but there’s still part of my brain that’s going, “Okay, this is fun and all, but when are we going to get back to the routine?”
To sum up–it’s fine, it’s not the life-changer I wanted it to be, but that was ultimately unrealistic. And watching the HIMYM Last Cigarette Ever episode right before your Last Cigarette Ever is silly but kind of works.
Congrats!
I get the boredom thing. We’ve had a smoke-free household for a month (!) now, and last night I thought to myself “a smoke would be really fun right now”. Obviously I didn’t voice that, but dang, it would have made making dinner more of a party.
A month, yay!! And yes, it usually hits right around dinner, grak. The nights seem so long sometimes!
Congratulations!
The boredom will pass, and so will the sense that your routine has been disrupted. One thing that made it easiest for me to quit: when I would normally have a cigarette break, I learned to give myself a [something] break: go for a walk, read an article, get a glass of water, go look at the sky, whatever. It helped quiet that nagging feeling that I was missing something and it made quitting feel like a positive act instead of a punishment that kept me glued to my job without a break.
true, true. luckily i was only smoking at home, not a work, but yeah, i’ve been going out to my patio some nights with just a glass of water and sitting for like 5 minutes. when the weather is less awful i’ll try to start walking!
I don’t necessarily recommend this for others, but for me a huge thing was smoking while driving/mapping out gas stations where I could buy cigarettes as I drove around town, so I picked up a gas station slushie habit for a few months when I first quit. I was sort of replacing the nicotine vice with the sugar-syrup vice, but it filled a gap in my routine and gave me something to do while I was driving around town.
I accidentally ate a coconut bagel on Sunday and I’m still not over it.
THAT SOUNDS VILE
I THOUGHT IT WAS ONION!
COCONUT: NOT EVEN ONCE
Nooooo the ones from Brooklyn Bagel (which is where I’m assuming you got it) are so good though! Have you had it with the cannoli or strawberry cream cheese? Also good with cinnamon raisin walnut.
Oh once I got it when the Key Lime CC was the weekly special and that was BOSS AS HELL.
I am sorry but coconut is not in the accepted pantheon of bagel flavors.
EW WHAT NO
I love coconut/coconut flavored things, but a coconut bagel CROSSES THE LINE.
No kidding, the existence of coconut bagels is upsetting my worldview. How is that misbegotten thing not a doughnut? It’s not fair to the coconut bagel, that’s what.
Am I the only one who can’t get spin pins to stay in her hair? I was reading a comment thread on (I think) XOVain yesterday and someone said she uses them to put her hair up while she works out. Meanwhile my pins start sliding out of my hair when I walk around at a regular pace. What am I doing wrong? 🙁
I can’t either. I think some hair types just aren’t as grabby?? Like I can’t use spin pins, bobby pins, or even most barrettes because they just slip out. My hair won’t hold a curl either- hairstylists love me!
I have this same hair. Super thick, super straight, super slippery, apparently. It’s the kind of hair that people think would be great to have, but in reality there’s not much I can do with it.
huh, that’s kind of a mystery. Did you get the minis? Because those won’t work for a regular size bun. Plus it should be a pretty tight bun, and I generally interlock them. For working out I use three.
I have never seen spin pins before but having just looked them up I can assure you that there is absolutely no way they would ever stay in my hair. I have the un-grabbiest hair in the world. Even bobby pins I generally have to lock by crossing two of them.
They only work for me to hold up a twisted bun, when my hair is already wound around itself. They work pretty well for that though.
You’re not wrong. Some hair lacks the texture necessary to hold them in place. Ask your stylist for fine-hair pointers and techniques. My hair matches the texture of infants. Ain’t nothing gonna stay in it. Until I add texture with paste, mousse, gel, something. Even then, I have to keep my goals modest. If we can’t grow our own, at least we can purchase texture.
That’s part of the reason I keep my hair so short – it’s just such a pain to try to get it to do anything interesting otherwise.
But mine was perfect Marcia Brady hair when I wore it long in the 70s. All the other girls had to iron theirs to get that look. Not me. Just combed it wet from the shower and it was perfect.
Yes, I am that old.
ilu and your silky hair
awww! ::blush::
Nope, I can’t either. My hair is too thick and curly for pins of any kind; it just kind of… spits them out.
Not sure it will help with exercise-hair but spraying hairspray or dry shampoo directly onto the pin to make it tacky before putting it in your hair helps.
Yes it does. Works for me too.
ugh yes, the sour cola bottles are even better than the regular cola bottles.
i try to keep myself occupied: i drink a lot of tea, chew gum, try to bring healthy snacks like almonds, etc…but i usually end up just eating the candy alongside those. it’s not so much a case of an urge or a craving. it’s basically compulsive candy eating. a lot of the time, i’m not even crazy about the candy they have or hungry. the only way i’ve managed to keep myself from eating it is honestly to kind of override the candy thoughts with mean thoughts, oops.
Sugar can whack out your metabolism. THat sounds hard! For me, total ban is often easier than just moderation with something like candy (which IS addictive). I just cut it out entirely and tell myself, (“no the candy bowl is not something I do, ever”) and that tends to reduce by a HUGE amount how much mental energy it takes me to resist.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get a 10-year old city girl interested in earth science? My mentee is having a hard time getting her hands wrapped around it, and I’m coming up empty with ideas besides taking her to the Smithsonian to look at rocks. The Luray Caverns are a possibility, but I’m not sure we’re ready for a day-trip yet. She likes art, music, and reading the best.
And I dig Necco wafers, but I can only find them in craft stores now.
Tie it in with art, and talk about how paint used to be made with mineral pigments?
I know there’s at least one other geologist on here, but here’s my thought — Earth Science is about a lot more than just rocks, so maybe find something she can connect to a little better? Just off the top of my head — beaches, building materials, gems/jewelry, streams and creeks, weather, landmarks like the Grand Canyon or Mt. Everest, caves, sinkholes, deep-sea hydrothermal vents, glaciers, Snowball Earth, fossils…….
Another Earth Scientist here! I’ll second that there are so many other things besides rocks. Watch youtube videos of hydrothermal vent communities, make (and erupt) a paper mâché volcano, make these (http://ohhappyday.com/2015/01/diy-rock-mineral-cookies/) amazing looking mineral cookies, grow rock sugar, etc…
It’s me! I’m the other geologist, I think!
Deep-sea hydrothermal vents were some of my favorites to learn about (black smokers!! tubeworms!!!) Also, getting hands-on – someone mentioned downthread the good ‘ol HCl and calcite trick, or maybe just the difference between halite and calcite? My college kids weren’t interested in much, but I could always count on them to be into the more hands-on activities like mineral and rock ID.
Also, explosions. Volcanoes/magma/igneous rocks interested me so much that I ended up going into igneous/metamorphic petrology and geochem. Watch terrible geology movies like Dante’s Peak and The Day After Tomorrow and point out what’s plausible and what isn’t. That worked for us!
You are! How is work lately? Staying warm I hope 🙁 I was a hydrogeology/geochem person, never did quite get those hard-rock types 😛
My go-to would probably be volcanoes. I know, it’s such a tiny part of earth science but there’s so many interesting things to bring into the conversation about volcanoes that there has to be something she’s interested in. Talk about how they can great whole new islands and how those islands get inhabited by plants an animals or talk about Pompeii, or Hawaiian mythology, or any number of young adult novels that are set in a post-catastrophic-volcanic-event world. Also making a volcano should be part of everyone’s childhood.
Take her to a construction/excavation site, if possible.
This made me think of the awesome book The Works by Kate Ascher – can’t recall off the top of my head how much earth science was in it, but there’s definitely some overlap with city infrastructure. Or maybe one of those David Macaulay books?
Not a geologist, but geologist-adjacent, and I used to be part of this Earth Science outreach program to elementary schoolers in undergrad. What I learned is that kids love:
A) Rocks that could kill you (asbestos, volcanoes)
B) Rocks that are expensive (we had a bag of crappy olivine and they got very excited about it as a ‘gemstone’)
The old hydrochloric acid on limestone trick to make fizz was also a hit. I think as a kid I would have been pretty into any hands-on experiments like that.
On point A – my department, unbeknownst to me, kept drawers and drawers full of radioactive minerals in the cabinets behind the seat I usually sat in. Then one day my professor goes up to it with a Geiger counter and it starts going off and I started FREAKING OUT.
If I don’t glow in the dark by the time I’m 40 I don’t know what I will have done wrong.
A lot of city dwellers don’t actually know much about the geography and geology of their own homes; a 3D map of the DC area shows the flatness of the river valleys in contrast with the hills leading into the Piedmont. A hike through Rock Creek after studying the local rock types might offer some good variation and a chance to see more of the city; you might consider visiting Fort Stephens or Fort DeRussy, where the lay of the land was a determining factor in how Jubal Early’s attempt to raid the city failed. For some people, it’s easier to learn a field if it’s tied into other disciplines, because even if you find geology (f’rinstance) kind of dry, you might find it a lot more valid if you can apply it to history and neighborhood development.
You can have my Necco wafers, though.
What about something like this? http://www.amazon.com/Terra-Tempo-Ice-Age-Catacly… I have not read it in a while and it might be a bit hard for a 10 year old. But it really captures the “The Earth is Old, and was very different once” theme that is the backbone of Earth Sciences. It is a comic book! So that counts as art and reading right? Or this one about the http://www.amazon.com/Terra-Tempo-Vol-Four-Corner… Cretaceous?
Maybe something on watersheds? Sounds like you’re in the DC area- there’s all sorts of work being done towards cleaning up the Anacostia and Potomac watersheds, and there’s a lot of places you can go from there- maybe get some pH strips and test the pH of some local water bodies? I was an easy sell on the environmentalist angle at that age.
Data (sadly it looks like the real-time stuff is down): http://green.dc.gov/service/anacostia-and-potomac…
Trails & Maps: http://www.pgparks.com/Your_Parks/Trails/Anacosti… http://www.anacostiaws.org/explore/maps
Not kid appropriate but looks fun: http://www.anacostiaws.org/calendar/%E2%80%A2-6pm…
This past week I baked yeast bread successfully for the first time! I made a cardamom loaf (pulla) from The Great Scandinavian Baking Book. Have you baked anything lately? Any ideas for breads to make next?
I baked bread this week too! Although it turned out about a 6/10 I’d say; partly my fault, partly the recipe. So this weekend, I will be making light wheat bread from The Bread Baker’s Apprentice. It’s a Peter Reinhardt recipe, so if it fails this time, it’ll be all me (I don’t think it will, I am a fairly good bread baker, just a wee bit out of practice).
that light wheat bread recipe is one of my favorites! it’s great for sandwiches.
I fucking love pulla. And I bake a lot of bread! I made focaccia a lot because it doesn’t take much time (at least, the recipe I use). I also make homemade pizza probably once a week using this recipe, and people are always crazy impressed and it’s so good. I like to top it with olive oil, mozzerella, a little parmesan, minced garlic, and big slabs of ricotta.
For more advanced stuff, Baking With Julia is my bible.
I’ve never made pulla! But I make lime-cardamom sweet rolls with an icebox yeast dough and they are DELIGHTFUL.
Lime-cardamom sweet rolls sound amazing. I’m going to try to find a recipe for those!
RECIPE PLEASE. That sounds amazing.
I don’t really use a specific one — I got the idea from this recipe http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/cardamom-lime-swe… but I don’t ever have sour cream so I just use a regular icebox yeast dough like this one, http://www.food.com/recipe/enids-ice-box-rolls-21… since you can make it the night before or even a few days before. I also don’t really follow the filling recipe closely because my heart generally calls for more filling and more frosting.
I made soft pretzel parmesan bites for the footballing last weekend. Labor intensive and absolutely worth it.
I have a batch of fancy beer bread rising right now. My husband home brews and I took a bunch of the yeast sediment from a recent batch of Scotch ale and fed it like a sourdough starter and it smells all malty and hoppy. I’m hoping it rises properly because it smells so good.
I definitely second the suggestion to try focaccia. It’s so easy and quick, and it looks much harder than it actually is. Really, a lot of bread baking is pretty easy once you get the hang of what needs to be done when and how. Mr. Cinderella bought me the Bread Bible for Christmas and I’ve been reading it like a novel.
Mmm, pulla is my favorite <3
I bake bread every week, usually the light wheat, or the whole wheat sandwich from King Arthur Flour. When it’s hot I tend to make half-whole-wheat pita (RL Berenbaum’s recipe is my go-to) or naan. Not yeasted, but I’ve been craving lefse recently, probably because we didn’t have any for Christmas this year, so I thought I’d make up a batch on Sunday.
If you like pretzels, Alton Brown’s soft pretzel recipe is a favorite. I usually shape them as rolls (60-70g) and have ham and cheese and mustard sandwiches. I’ve tried sourdough a couple of times, but it never works the way I want it to and keeping the mother going is worse than trying to keep a plant alive (I can’t seem to do either).
My partner and I bake soda bread three times a week, usually. It’s so fast and easy and if we split it it’s basically a whole meal! We use recipes from the book “All You Knead is Bread” by Jane Mason. Her soda bread is great, her butter rolls are great, her rosemary bread is great…the whole book is great!!!
I’m making oatmeal bread right now! It’s this recipe, though I went half-and-half with brown sugar and molasses and subbed in white wheat for about half the white flour. I also reduced the yeast to let the dough rise overnight in the fridge, so it’s sitting on the counter right now coming up from its chill.
I also make this recipe with a scant cup of cornmeal replacing some flour to make anadama bread, but you might save that for the future: the less gluten, the less certain you can be of a successful knead and rise. But keep the idea in your back pocket for the future! Yeast breads have an undeserved reputation for being finicky, but so long as you don’t overheat the yeast, I find ’em very flexible.
I’ve been making the King Arthur sandwich bread a lot lately, which is easy and delicious. But when I’m in the mood for something I can’t put jelly on, this rye is amazing. And pizza dough! Pizza dough is always good.
I made honey wheat bread during a snowday last week, and I made a cranberry orange quick bread earlier this week.
Just this evening I made peanut butter swirled brownies, but I was distracted, and have never made this particular recipe before, and accidentally left out the sugar in the brownies. Epic fail.
I’m re-reading Sarah Hollowell’s essay about being fat and getting laid, and it is beautiful and inspiring but I absolutely cannot muster up that kind of confidence. I’m hoping I will get some with osmosis.
Also feeling super down about my body because my super fit, health-conscious mother was just diagnosed with pre-diabetes and my paternal grandfather is in the hospital with a stroke right now because he absolutely refused to eat healthy when he was diagnosed with diabetes. This propensity to diabetes on both sides of my family is freaking me out, and I want to begin to cut out sugar right away, but I don’t know how to do that without going into a tailspin of self-loathing. BLAH
True story — one Friday evening I was sitting on my couch, reading the open thread, and watching THAT VERY EPISODE of Friends just as I came across THIS VERY GIF. I held up my iPad next to the tv for my partner who was just like “dafuq?”
I live with one of the healthiest diabetics on the planet. He can eat dessert. But only after a good meal. And not every day. Instead of going all draconian on your diet, try aiming for moderation and more careful timing. Plan on that favorite sweet for tomorrow after supper, for example. Please don’t feel down, though I understand.
Cripes, I am so thankful for this open thread.
1) Work is such a pressure-cooker, Toast! A few weeks ago, my boss gathered the team together and told us while we are “doing great work,” we need to do it faster.. not in those exact words, but essentially. “Faster” has been an exciting experience so far. Although I’m not the only one suffering under the new regime, and by and large I am happy about this correction (there is a frustrating organizational tendency toward lax deadlines), it’s still. Wow. Faster.
2) I owe the Toast a thank you. So, thank you, Toast. Last week y’all gave me some darn good advice about cutting off an online friend. As an update, the situation has unfortunately persisted into this week but thanks to 1), I no longer care. Ex-friend and I are not on speaking terms. Our mutual friends seem to feel awkward and I feel for them, I really do, but it’s also really not their business. One of them very obviously sided with the ex-friend, the other is making herself scarce until this blows over.
3) The Aunt Acid column was so helpful this week. Living in a small city filled with people who are very different than you (straight/ conservative/ into bass fishing) has its challenges.
Candy of choice: Cadbury mini-eggs. Oh my god. Did they just arrive at anyone else’s grocery store?
I still have some of the stash my husband laid in from last year- I’ve been lax on my mini-egg eating this year! But they’re definitely taunting me at the stores, even though I already have some.
Just a note to my beloved Toasties: DO YOUR BEST TO AVOID THE FLU THIS YEAR. This is my fourth day in bed, fourth day of no solid food, and fourth day of regretting throwing that fucking 45th birthday party. I’m finally on the mend, but you guys, I exhausted myself to the point of dizziness and trembling just washing my hair this morning and then afterward I had to eat my banana smoothie on the god damned kitchen floor because I was too exhausted to climb back up the stairs to my bedroom.
Seriously, y’all, wash your hands and don’t let anyone share your drink or your smoke.
Oh, sweetheart. I’d stroke your hair, if possible.
DID I TELL YOU I SAW BUB IN PERSON
SHE IS SO TINY
SO TINY AND SO SWEET
🙁
Oh, sweetie, I wish I could bring you soup. Take it easy. Make your mister bring you anything your heart desires.
Alas, Tom Hiddleston doesn’t make house calls.
More’s the pity. Something tells me he’d be a really good nursemaid.
Gentle pats from a distance! I had something ‘fluey’ with the temperature and the exhaustion and the sweating and the shivering but only for three days, which I don’t think qualifies it for real flu – when I had it when I was smallish, I was in bed for about two weeks. It has left me with a massive asthma flareup though, I am on my second week of steroid pills, three different inhalers and can’t walk from the sofa to the kitchen, or speak more than a sentence, without having a massive asthma attack. I feel your pain!
Oh, I think three days qualifies. I’m actually a bit on the upswing today, which is how I managed to get in the shower in the first place.
Ugh I’m sorry. That sounds terrible 🙁 I heard the fabulous news that the flu vaccine is only 20% effective against the most common strains this year!!
Those round peach things! ALSO: White Rabbit candy, which is kinda tough to find in the states because it was banned due to toxic levels of melamine or whatever a while back. But it’s SO GOOD. Probably because of all the melamine.
I want to leave my job. For a lot of reasons, the main one being our CEO. He has trouble keeping assistants on account of he’s an asshole. His most recent assistant left in August, and at the time, I sat down with my supervisors and said “I don’t want to be CEO’s assistant.” They said, “We understand, on account of he’s an asshole.” But they never hired a new assistant for him, because he thinks he doesn’t actually need an assistant, and since I am the lowest on the ladder in our small office, I had to run some errands for him. And book some flights. And cars. And spend hours on the phone with Verizon customer service trying to get them to tell me his stupid kid’s iPhone password. And now here it is six months later, and I am having very boring nightmares about planes and trains not arriving on time, and I have left dinners that I was hosting to handle his travel emergencies, and I am done.
Here’s the thing though: this company’s notorious for turnover. I’ve been here about a year now, and the staff has turned over about 50%. A couple of weeks ago, our CFO quit via email, with no warning whatsoever. I’ve started sending out resumes and reaching out to friends, but I haven’t gotten any bites yet. My direct supervisor’s baby is due next week, and she’ll be going on maternity leave soon. So my dilemma is this: I don’t want to tell everybody I’m leaving when I don’t know when I’m leaving, or where I’m going; on the other hand, I don’t want to wait too long and steal away like a thief in the night while my boss is away. I do like 2.5 people’s jobs; she’ll have to make some hiring decisions when I go. When is the correct time to say “I’m peacing out as soon as I can?”
When you have signed papers for a new position, and not a moment before. (My last job was a lot like that in spirit. They will MURDER you if they find out you’re looking.)
Yes, what Chouffe said. Hush. Quietly, privately, look for another job. Every day. Give two weeks’ notice after you have a signed commitment from your next employer. No one in your current office will be surprised. They probably are making plans to accommodate the imminent departure of everyone.
Not until you have another job! Seriously. I totally get the desire to give them a heads up, but you shouldn’t. I mean you should definitely give two weeks’ notice, but not more. You work for a company and people leave companies all the time, especially yours! They will figure out how to handle it, it is their job.
The only time you should ever give “pre-notice” is if it’s common in the office and lots of people do it; I gave 7 weeks notice once because it was very normal in that office, as people were constantly leaving for grad school or other things, and I was 100% sure that they wouldn’t force me out as soon as I gave notice. Unless you have all those things in place, don’t do it!
(Wow, I feel all over the place in the open thread today. Bear with me.)
The other morning I made an idle observation to my husband like “Isn’t it cute how I woke up curled against you when I fell asleep in the opposite position?” I always fall asleep on my stomach facing away from him. He said that virtually every single night ever since we moved in together, shortly after falling asleep I fling myself violently back around and land on top of him. “It takes me a long time to get to sleep because I can’t breathe with you on my chest,” he said mildly, “and I have to wait for you to roll away because I don’t want to wake you.”
I asked my ex and she confirmed that I did the same thing to her.
So now I feel really bad because he’s been losing out on precious sleeping time for all these years because I apparently transform into an aggressive octopus in my sleep something and our marriage has made a nighttime martyr after him and he’s just been suffering in silence all this time. I asked him why he didn’t say anything and he just shrugged and said, “I don’t like to complain about these things.” What things? Things that are easily fixed by me sleeping at the edge of the bed instead of the middle?
Also, as much as I love him, if our roles were reversed there is no way in hell I would have put up with 4 years of being unable to sleep properly or even to breathe. I would have shoved him off me the first time he did it and warned him sternly to knock it off. Why is he so exasperatingly nice??
I once dated a guy who finally told me after about a half-dozen times of sleeping over that he was scared he would snore so he just LAY AWAKE ALL NIGHT PRETENDING TO SLEEP. I couldn’t believe he would just do that instead of, I dunno, giving me a heads-up about the snoring and maybe just allowing himself to SLEEP. !!
D’awwwww.
That is really sweet! Sounds like you have a keeper 🙂
That sounds really sweet, and INFURIATING of your husband. He didn’t say anything for 4 whole years? Silly man.
This was the extent of the south coast of England’s snowmageddon. Beaches and palm trees look weird with snow on them.
Palm trees in England never fail to throw me for a loop.
Especially in winter! This one is on the way from my flat to the beach – this was a couple of years ago when we had a tiny bit more snow.
Looks like winter fireworks!
That’s just bizarre. That said, basically my context is MrChouffe’s home turf which is decidedly not palm tree friendly, being, you know, Wakefield and Leeds. And the beach in Whitby doesn’t look anything like that.
My other half is from Halifax and the first time he came to visit me he was really bewildered when we walked down to the beach past the palm trees.
There was a dusting of snow here in Utrecht yesterday morning, I saw a mom pulling her kids on a big wooden sled. Which, why do you even have that here? This is a notoriously flat country where it doesn’t snow very much.
One of my friends got her Shetland pony and harnessed him to the sled to tow her kids round.
Last weekend before Baby #3 makes his arrival! Ask me if we have anywhere for him to sleep. Or if we have diapers. Go on, ask.
Not your first rodeo, so you know that baby can sleep in a dresser drawer on a couple of chairs, if necessary. Relax. Wishing you an easy delivery and a healthy baby.
I can’t even imagine the level of “oh is a baby coming this week? hm.” that must occur with #3. My first had her nursery set up by like week 20 of pregnancy. The one due in 3 weeks… well, I feel very proud that we put the co-sleeper together. We might get around to decorating. If she comes late.
Wishing you the best of luck! Come back and report, I know I’m interested to hear how life with 3 really is.
I wouldn’t presume to ask because I have every confidence you’ll do great by your baby, ready place to sleep or no. Congratulations!
So jealous! When I was teaching in Taiwan, one of the perks of the job was the closeness of Thailand for vacations.
If you’re a city person, Bangkok is fabulous. My favorite thing to do there was to jump on one of the cheap city buses and ride around until I saw or smelled something interesting. If you get the chance, try using one of the canal boats for transportation around the city, too.
When you get back, more sure to tell us all about it on an Open Thread!
I love all candy. All of it. Chewy things, hard things, chalky things, gummy things, melty things. Yum.
I found a three-year-old unopened box of buttermints under my desk last week, when I was moving cubicles, and I ate them. Yum!! And now I am so much farther away from the most annoying person int he office, and the most toxic person in the office, and the sun is at a less-annoying angle, and everything is magical.
Trifecta of win!
Please tell me I am not a horrid person. I like to keep up with people nd now three separate times I’ve reached out and emailed friends on Facebook I haven’t spoken with in a while. And they never respond. And I know people are busy but it is really miserable to see “Read” on the message but never hear back. Am I a horrible person that people can’t stand? I’m not berating people, I just message them after a few months of not hearing back! I feel lonely and rejected.
Today is a bad day, a crying on my desk at work day, a hormone and crabby and “I fucking hate the keyboard on my android phone” kind of day. Tell me I am not a horrible person who doesn’t deserve friends and tell me that not all jobs will be as horrible as thia one and one day I will have a job where people value me and I get paid on time.
You are a lovely person. I admire very few people. You are one of them. Feel better soon.
I would like to cosign what RoseCamelia said, and add: you should come to Ottawa so we can hang out!
I have been known to kind of panic about what to say when someone gets back in touch. It’s even worse if they actually wrote something thoughtful and informative because I feel like I have to write something really good back. So maybe you just have insecure introverted friends? Or maybe they are awful people, or are going through something they don’t want to talk about, etc. What I’m trying to say is that it’s not you, it’s them.
One of my long lost friends got back in touch a few months ago. I was thrilled! The facebook messages he sent seemed a little off but I chalked that up to not talking to him for a long time. And then he tried to get me to join his pyramid scheme. Forcefully. And when I said no (several times, forcefully) he unfriended me. RC, I would ever ever think you would try to recruit me to sell tupperware but after that I’m extremely wary of facebook blasts from the pasts even from lovely people like you. It’s definitely a them thing, not a you thing!
Same. I am not good at this, and it never has anything at all to do with the person who contacted me.
aravisthequeen, you are not a horrible person. You deserve friends, and you deserve friends whose style of social media message handling meshes well with yours, and it would be totally ok for you to spend less energy on the friends who don’t fit that category right now.
Don’t know you in the “real life” sense but for what it’s worth, I ALWAYS look forward to your comments and feel you are a truly lovely and extremely funny person. Honest & truly!
This happens to me too, and I also spent some time trying So Hard not to cry at my desk this week, so I really feel you on many levels. You are not a terrible person, and you do deserve friends.
You are not a horrid person. Some people are shitty at responding and don’t realise what an effect it has on others.
(A) I am a terrible correspondent. I’m trying to fix it, because I know it makes people feel unloved. The reason, through, is always, _always_ that I feel like I want to write a really good, thoughtful, meaningful response, and I’m afraid that whatever I have in mind at first isn’t good enough. It’s kind of a terrible irony, but that’s what’s going on when I take a long time to respond to my friends. Perhaps it’s the same case for yours? Of course, you’re still entitled to feel hurt or neglected, but if you want to and have the energy, you might try talking to one of them about it? You might find that they’re insecure/perfectionists/whatever, and having you tell them that you’d prefer a brief or off the cuff response to one that takes ages might get your correspondences unstuck. The onus is definitely not on you to fix this, but this could be one way to try anyway, if you want, and if it’s worth it.
(B) Oh my, you seem like such a delightful person. I really don’t think the problem is that they dislike you, and if it is, then I think they have terrible taste in people. For whatever this is worth from an internet stranger, your comments are among my favorites, and your articles and brilliant and insightful. It seems to me that your friends are really quite lucky to get to talk to you (and your sense of humor, and your intellect) IRL.
I give you comforting hugs and all the reply messages you would like from me even though we’re essentially strangers.
I have exactly the same problem both online and in “real life” – people who see whatever I have sent, and say absolutely nothing. I’ve invited a dozen people to my birthday next month, for example, and six of them haven’t said boo. Not a no, not a maybe, not a yes, just…zilch. It’s so hurtful. I’m not asking people to drop their plans or whatever, just provide an answer! A maybe is fine! A no is fine! Just *something*.
So, it’s not you. Really. *squish-hugs*
You’re great, you’re great. Different people treat messages differently, and one of the great lessons of my life has been learning that often people’s reactions aren’t about me, but about them.
Just a technical note: my FB messages mark themselves as read if I just click through to the messages page. (After more than one friend said “I know you saw the message, it was marked read!,” my husband & I tested this theory using two laptops and a test message. It’s true. Not consistently, but occasionally.) So, in addition to the wide range of “Oh, I’ll answer that soon! [down it goes into the oblivion of memory]” and “Oh, I should answer but I don’t know what to say, I’ll think about it later!,” it’s entirely possible that they’ve not actually read the messages.
Yes, similar happened with me not long after new year – my other half lost his phone (which is his only way of getting online) and I was getting super-pissy about not getting hold of him as the ‘why are you ignoring me motherfucker’ message on FB was marked as read, even though his phone was down the back of his best friend’s sofa with no battery.
Thank to all, you are so lovely and sweet and I appreciate it so, so much. Part of the reason it’s so fraught for me is because I move so god-damned much–first as a grad student and now as a military spouse we move ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So when I never hear back from people it activates all of my “omg they forgot about me” and “omg they never really liked me” and “now that I’m not living there they don’t care anymore” and so on and so forth. And it really sucks. But I know that other people have different communication styles and I should probably broaden my mind and all that–it just hurts to feel like you’re being ignored, you know?
I feel like I should investigate in something delicious for dinner tonight.
I sort of whinged about this a couple months ago re: office Christmas parties but…
I work at a commercial door company in Austin, we put on a trade show every year, which is expensive but I assume it’s important to our bottom line especially with competition moving in.
However I just found out that the trade show is baseball themed and they are buying us custom baseball jerseys at ~ 100 a pop. So they’re spend 10k for themed outfits for a door trade show.
Why can’t they buy t-shirts and give me 90 bucks?
It’s not a bad company to work for, and Target doesn’t spend money any more wisely, still its galling watching money get flushed down the drain.
Had a bit of a meltdown this week about finances, but therapy was helpful once again in getting me recalibrated and in touch with reality. My therapist wants me to really work on why I have over-prioritized having a good-paying/”real” job to such an extent that I have stayed in really terrible, abusive circumstances that crush my soul. That’s a lot to think about!
The precipitating factor is realizing two contradictory things: 1. I NEED to get out of this job in order to have the time, energy, and mental and emotional strength to deal with making my nonprofit a reality, but 2. that will mean lean times for a while — manageable for sure (we are crunching the numbers now), but tough. When I write it out like that, it sure seems like it’s a no-brainer, but my anxiety is insistent that having less money is The Worst Thing Ever.
It almost feels like my anxiety is like, going through an extinction burst as I get better at recognizing it and dealing with it. Like it’s finding anything it can to grab onto and grabs on really super tight.
I have been worrying a lot about spelling and dyslexia type errors in my work lately. My advisor has pointed them out on several occasions and also recently went on a long rant-y speech to the whole lab group about being careful, even in e-mails about our spelling and grammar. “Last week Sea_Money wrote Cite 1209 instead of Site 1209 in an e-mail, you all have to present yourselves as professional” I recently spent some time working with my old undergrad advisor who noticed that I have an especially difficult time with unusual words and people’s strange last names. He politely inquired if I thought I might be dyslexic. I have been worrying more about this and have been met with dubious-ness from my parents and boyfriend. The feel like this is out of left field? But I feel like: I’ve been having these kinds of problems. Why was I not asking these questions my freshman year of College? I’m not really sure how to move forward, but the second guessing every time I write and e-mail or a comment is starting to become a great source of stress.
I will say this as someone who’s worked as an editor: most likely, the only person who notices is your advisor. I am VERY sensitive to spelling and grammar, and I always notice that stuff, and NO ONE ELSE EVER notices, and are always amazed when I point that stuff out. I would be willing to bet your advisor feels like she has this unacknowledged talent for spelling and that she’s the only one who ever notices errors and therefore is trying to enforce it on everyone. Of course, spelling’s important and of course you want to be professional, but don’t panic over it. That’s why spellcheck was invented. You’re definitely not the only intelligent person who confuses cite with site, etc. If you really feel like it’s a problem, maybe take some “Am I dyslexic?” quizzes online or something, but if it really feels like it’s coming out of left-field, it’s more likely just you’ll never win a spelling bee, nothing more than that.
Is there any chance you can set something up with a colleague where you proof-read each other’s more formal work? I’m terrible at catching my own typos. Luckily I have an assistant, but when I didn’t, a colleague and I had a typo defence league and it really helped.
To an extent I do have this, and several of those people are especially tuned in to my brand of pervious / previous errors. But I can’t have someone read over every e-mail I send. I do have someone look over everything important. I however, am not a reliable editor for detail oriented errors. So I do worry that I am a burden to those very kind humans, and not much of a help.
You want Mr. Rose’s solution. He married an editor.
Those of us who love editing love editing. We do it for free, sometimes to the point of being annoying. I hope that one of your several-people is one of us! Because they will accommodate you Forever, and probably thank you for letting them help.
(And I’ve monetized this passion by working with students with disabilities, and it’s still fun, all the time. Never annoying.)
If it makes you feel better, read about this wikipedia guy who corrects the improper use of “comprise.” He is us, and we are in it for the Love Of The Game. https://medium.com/backchannel/meet-the-ultimate-…
If you have the money to spare, you can hire proofreading by the minute by using something like TaskRabbit. You might have confidentiality problems there, but, look into it.
Holy shit. I think I’m in love with that man.
Also seconding that I’ve never ever been annoyed by someone asking me to proofread their paper/story/email/text message/whatever. (I’m an editor at an academic press and my boyfriend is a dyslexic freelance illustrator, so I do a LOT of proofreading of emails and cover letters.) My coworkers and I constantly send each other email drafts to look over before we send them, for any number of reasons — maybe if you reframed it in your mind as a helpful thing that coworkers do for each other rather than I’M SUCH A HUGE BURDEN ON EVERYONE AND THEY HATE ME, it would help you feel a little better about it?
And I totally think you should do the pre-screening thing. Can’t hurt, and it might help!
Yeah, the email thing is tough. I echo the comment that many people won’t notice. And also, many people won’t hold it against you. Sounds like you’re a scientist, right? I mean, who expects scientists to be great at grammar?
Mr. Rose is seriously handicapped by dyslexia. Few dyslexics have it worse. I mention it only to add weight to the info I give you: Every human has dyslexic episodes. It’s the frequency and degree that determine a diagnosis. Every human’s normal, occasional dyslexic episodes increase under stress. So, tired? Worried? That may be the explanation. If it would make you feel better, ask about testing services at school. No harm in getting evaluated.
I do know that stress and being tired makes these things worse for me, I especially notice I am make more verbal mistakes when stressed. The University offers a “Pre-Screening” to evaluate if a formal test is worth it, which I am thinking about pursuing. I am less concerned about having a paper that says “I’m dyslexic” and more interested finding tools and workarounds for the types of mistakes I seem to be making consistently.
But having a formal diagnosis is how you get your supervisor off your back. Mr. Rose says, “Hey, I’m dyslexic. What do you expect?” Of course, he’s a tall white man with a PhD and gets away with a lot of shit like that because of those privileges. Oh, and he has a spouse who will tear apart anyone who tries to hurt him. That too.
You have my support whether or not you get testing. I trust your judgment.
I wonder… is there a special spellchecker for dyslexia? You know like how your cell phone catches most of the typing errors caused by a tiny keyboard– a writing helper that can address that specific need.
I know of none. But please alert me if you find one!
I think that is a wonderful idea. Spell check as it functions now is not always helpful to me. Especially where it autocorrects to a close but not what I meant word, or when it gives me a list of possible correct words and I have to pick from them / identify the one I want.
I worked in a law office one summer as a word processor, when it was called that. Legal terms, medical terms, strange names for things … difficult things I had to type over and over again. I don’t know if this will help, but here goes. Instead of typing out the words/terms/names that I had trouble typing in the text, I typed, instead “xx1”, “xx2”, and so on … and then later, I’d replace “xx1” with difficult term 1, “xx2” with difficult term 2 … like that. I also had a list of words that I mis-typed every single time … and I’d do a search and replace on those as well. Words like “form” and “from” … “there” and “their” … . Lawyers also reference cases, and the numbers were really important … . Overall, though, I’d have to put the thing I typed down for about 2 hours before I could proofread it … before that, the words would be in my head and I couldn’t “see” the mistakes I made. Lawyers were really f***ing pissy about mistakes, and these things helped … especially the xx1, xx2 thing.
I don’t know if you’ll find this helpful, but I find it helpful to remember that some of my technically irrational anxieties exist in large part because the society we live in has been REALLY INVESTED in making me believe these things my whole life. So, is it just your anxiety convincing you that having less money will be terrible? Yes. But is it completely understandable that you feel that way, considering our entire society is obsessed with the idea that having a stable job is the most important thing in life? Yep! For me having compassion for my own anxieties is really important, so I thought that might be worth sharing!
i just read this as a floating all-on-its-lonesome comment (thanks, intensedebate!) so i don’t know what it’s in response to, but i just want to say that this is very helpful to me right now, so thank you!
Haha that’s awesome!It was in reply to Ethylbenzene above. But I find it pretty much applies to all my anxieties! The only thing I love better than having irrational anxieties is beating myself up over having them!
Right? Sometimes the beating up is worse than my actual anxieties!
Yeah that is very true. I’m very hung up on having a “real” job and have a history of allowing my job to define my self-worth in destructive ways. It’s really something I need to work on. I just really miss being a person who isn’t constantly terrified and anxious.
Online dating thread continues right here! Not much to report this week, other than my nice bear man was away this week so we’re in the process of setting up future plans. I didn’t end up bothering to respond to any messages, both because I didn’t feel like and because I was crrrazy busy this week. I did make an exception this morning for a dude on OkCupid who dared to ask why I ignored his generic message, 2.5 hours after he sent it. I hope he enjoys angry tirades.
Anyone else have stories? I collect both good and bad!
I have a good news story since last week! The woman I had been messaging who is new to dating women stopped responding to my messages after we’d agreed to meet up so either she got too nervous or life happened or whatever. BUT. A dude who is town on vacation messaged me and he is sweet and fun and we hooked up last weekend. His opening message referenced which broad city character he would be, and our subsequent interactions were just as quality. We are trying to work out meeting up one more time before he goes home, and I hope it works out, but even if not my faith in online dating is replenished.
“His opening message referenced which broad city character he would be”
brb editing my “You should message me if:” section
I had 2 dates this week! The first one, I liked him but he didn’t like me. The second one was just last night and I don’t think either of us particularly liked the other, and neither of us has followed up yet. Ah well! It’s kind of a numbers game, right?
I have two other dudes waiting in the wings on OKC, I think, so maybe I’ll have more to report next week.
Oh! One time this much younger dude sent me the message “Do you like milk with ice?” and I thought it was weird and I googled it and it turned out his whole profile was from a PUA forum.
I reamed him out, and he ended up telling me all about his romantic woes and how the girl he like won’t talk to him blah blah blah. Geez, dude, I just wanted to tell you to not associate yourself with rapey dudes.
Dude I have had three dates with is coming on WAY too strong, to the point where I’ve got to have a talk with him about how I’m not looking for anything super-serious at the moment before I see him again. It’s a little frustrating because I thought we were on the same page about having fun and not making this a Thing yet, but we hadn’t actually discussed that so I guess we weren’t!
And I am therefore back to the dating apps in case this one doesn’t turn in to what I want it to be.
I’m supposed to go on the first date I’ve been on in quite awhile tomorrow, and I’m kinda getting cold feet. I just. . .don’t wanna. The guy is different from guys I tend to date in a way that might be really good, but I think it makes me more nervous because it’s less obvious we’ll have things to talk about. And he seems potentially a little awkward, but I think that might just be because texting is harder because English isn’t his first language. Aaaargh. I’m having anxiety about it and considering cancelling but I can’t decide if it’s baseless or not. What would you guys do when you’re feeling like this?
Oh, that’s hard! I’ve been in that “I don’t really wanna go” place with dates, but worried I’m stopping myself unnecessarily.
I think … give yourself a couple of other options to try and shake things up when you feel it’s stalling — like if you’re at a cafe, suggest getting up and going to another one, or to another place, or just to walk and get some fresh air. That break can give you a chance to reset and find something else to talk about.
Also, give yourself permission to go. If the date is not working — like you’re thinking “this needs to end” rather than just “this wordless moment is kind of awkward” — just go. You don’t need to make up an excuse. Your feelings are the best reason.
Start gathering your things and just say, “Well, I think I should get going. It was very nice meeting you!” It’s totally okay. A decent date won’t argue with you or question you; they might be surprised and go “oh really?” … you just smile and say “yes.”
You deserve to spend time with someone you actually want to spend time with, and so do they. When one of the parties doesn’t want to stick around, it’s best to follow that!
Thanks!! This is great advice. I had suggested brunch because I don’t want to drink too much and I have someplace to be later so Ic an use that as an excuse to leave, but I’m almost like ahhh brunch is too long a commitment. But I have had awkward dates before and they’ve still lasted longer than a brunch does, so I feel like it’ll be fine. And at least brunch makes it easy to leave after because there’s no ‘would you like another drink?’
Well, I’m not *dating* anyone, strictly speaking, but I was happily and amusingly sexy-messaging a far-away young man this morning which was certainly a pleasant way to start off my Friday, and a nice lead-up to this afternoon’s liaison with another. What even is this life? *laughs*
Well DONE.
Congratulations accepted! It’s the only thing I’ve got going right now that’s turning out well, so I am glad of that.
O.o It’s a little weird, in some respects, but once that youngest one moves to town, I will have an adorable little quartet of 26-29 yo guys. Unexpected life is unexpected! Also, too, I should have been doing this years ago. Ah well.
I’m continuing to see the nice dude and also haven’t responded to anyone else. I’m actively trying to combat my overly analytical ways and just kind of let this one happen without stressing about it too much. At least it hasn’t blown up yet?
Toasties, I reached maximum bullshit overload at work yesterday. Long story short: (╯ಠ_ಠ)╯︵ uǝɯ
Today I am taking a mental health day. I slept in, read, and am now sitting down to take financial stock and look for a new job.
Candywise, I go for anything chewy with a sour sugar coating.
I am glad you took a day. Do what you need to take care of yourself, and I hope either work improves or you find a new and better job soon.
And THANK YOU for that little emoticon, I am saving it for later use.
I copied the emoticon from Pearl and saved it to a note on my phone, specifically for occasions such as these. Isn’t it perfect?
This is the only other one I have saved so far:
ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
I hope you are feeling more like ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ very soon!
That is quite possibly the best version of that I have ever seen.
Zen Buddhist kokyo update!
This weekend, Buddhists commemorate the Buddha’s Parinirvana (i.e. the death of Gautama). I’ll be kokyo (lead chanter) at my local Zen Center.
When you’re a kokyo, you work with a doan, who’s a percussionist of sorts, and also with the doshi (usually the Zen priest). We do rehearse, so at times it feels like you’re in a chorus working with an orchestra… but as kokyo, when you’re “on,” you’re the leader. (You sort of trade off the “lead” role with the doan and the doshi.) The chanting itself is unlike Gregorian chant – the pitch doesn’t move that much – but there are subtle variations in pitch and rhythm that you should mind. Also: postures – when to stand in gassho (hands in prayer position) and when to come out of gassho.
So… you’re minding all these physical acts, and you get to see all kinds of fun stuff about yourself, like when your mind is on something else and you’re supposed to start chanting. Or you hesitate because you’re not… quite… sure you should start. Or your voice is sort of wimpy at first but warms up after a couple of minutes so you can get that good strong chest voice that allows you to lead. Or… someone else drops the ball, so to speak, and how you deal with it when that happens.
Or… you’re attracted to the doan, who sits right next to you, and you have to remind yourself not to watch his hands as he rings the bells. Not that I would know anything about that.
Why bother with such minutiae? You can take your ability to be watchful/not judgmental out into the world. And you can remember that if you’re in a lot of pain at any given moment, others are in that pain with you whether they like it or not… so sometimes it’s easier to be compassionate.
I should probably just put all of this on my own blog, but I’m pretty sure there are Toastfolk who are likeminded.
This all sounds pretty amazing.Thank you for sharing!
This sounds really lovely and intense in the best possible way. Good luck – you will make an excellent kokyo, I am sure of it!!
That’s really fascinating!
Toasties. My SO is very jealous. She tries to keep from putting it on me, but I can tell it wears on her and is something she thinks about and has bad dreams about and worries about. Does anybody have experience with this? What can I say to make her feel better? She’s convinced I am going to break up with her and go back to a (male) ex.
I am a super jealous person dating a very non-jealous one and it is definitely a bit weird. The biggest thing for me is that my boyfriend not immediately dismiss my concerns, which seems counterintuitive, but just being like “you’re being ridiculous that would never happen” is not helpful! Whether it is a based-in-reality fear of hers or not, it is still a REAL one that needs to be addressed like any other real, valid thing that is making her upset.
this is good advice! I don’t really know whether or not to respond usually because sometimes I feel like I’m making it real when I explain something or whatever it is.
Putting it on you is not okay. This is a her problem, not a you problem. I have bad dreams about my bf often (because I have bad dreams about everything often) and this is what works for us: I tell him I had another dream asap the next morning so I don’t stew about it. Generally he’ll ask me if there’s anything he’s done that made me feel insecure, etc. In the rare case there’s an actual issue note it and talk about it later when I’m not feeling so vulnerable. He reassures me that he loves me, etc. If I were you I would probably ask her straight out how she would like me to support her when she’s feeling jealous. Good responses would be thing like “Hug me and tell me you love me.” If she says something like “Never look at a man again” then she’s got a major problem. You can’t “fix” that kind of jealousy problem no matter what you do or say.
Absolutely. One very smart cookie.
This is good! I have told her that I would do anything to make her feel less worried, but maybe I’ll try to say it again.
That’s hard on both of you. Chances are, it’s all about her – maybe it’s happened to her in a previous relationship, and she worries there’s something about her that is inherently not-forever. Or maybe there is some other precedent for abandonment or betrayal, maybe in her family life (UGH that sounds so corny but I have truly seen it so many times), that she expects to repeat forever. And maybe therapy would help a person realize that, but you can’t tell her to get therapy because it will convince her you think there’s something wrong that will make you leave her.
But you can talk to her about how she feels, if possible without making it about examples with the two of you, and perhaps it will help her to separate her worries from your actual relationship. And, you know, ask what you can do to make her feel more secure, and go along with it, if it’s reasonable, even if to you it seems like what she wants is silly. People have such different ways of marking their commitments. If there’s something simple that she feels like would reassure her, you’ll know to offer it.
Maybe, secretyl, subconsciously, she feels ‘unsafe’ with the happiness you guys have. A part of her would feel safer and more ‘normal’ when you leave/have left her. She can’t ‘relax into happiness’ and must worry at it, like a scab, at all times.
I don’t know what then to do about that (therapy I’d say), but exploring that mindset as the cause might shed some interesting light.
I don’t have any tattoos yet, but I really want a head of Medusa on my upper arm and a blackberry vine twined around my ankle. I have no money now, though, so they’ll have to wait.
ETA: this should be a reply to Elyse on the body mods thread.
I saw that another woman with my first name goes by “Malicia” on twitter and I was a bit jealous that I didn’t come up with that first. What nicknames do you wish you had?
Toasties! I got a promotion and a raise. With these, I have met all the professional goals I set for myself last year, and I really feel that I am finally on a good career path. Thank you for being such a supportive and informative community!
Yesssssss that is how I feel!
Yes! Congrats! WOOOOOO!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh man.
Good: A gent (dressed in a barrister’s robe in his photo, cute) messaged me asking to settle a debate with his friend re: t-shirts/undershirts under dress shirts. Dude, menswear is exactly the right thing to ask me about because I totally have an opinion about it all. Then we talked about fashion crimes and I joked about having my barrister’s wig freshly powdered. I’m happy so far.
Bad: This other guy is dull as a door nail. He messaged me saying I earned “points” for making a reference on my profile (I HATE “POINTS” STUFF THIS IS NOT HOGWARTS) and when I bantered back that yes, I hoped to earn enough points to visit Hawaii one day, he said, “Hmm, why Hawaii?” Then trying really hard to start a conversation, I sent him a link about delicious poke, and he said, “Oh, have you had that before?” When I decided to give up, I said “nope” and he wrote back, “Interesting. So, what has you on OKC?” It’s literally like talking to a bot and I think I’m being trolled by some psych students.
I saw the words “delicious poke” so here I am. I tried out a new recipe last night which was spicy ahi poke wrapped in a sushi rice ball, covered with furikake, and then deep fried. It was good, although I think you could probably skip the deep frying and it would still be delicious.
But anyway, yeah, poke’s great!
When I was doing OKcupid I heard everyone’s horror stories about being harassed by illiterate meatheads but all I ever got was the truly boring dudes. It’s harder to pick them out in the first message so you end up having the heinous back-and-forth and then you don’t even get a good story out of it.
What I don’t get is how is he having fun?! I’d be dying if I was reduced to asking questions like that.
Re Other Guy: avoid men who fail the Turing Test.
But some people can’t even pass the Turing Test IN PERSON. I can SEE that you have eyeballs and a pulse… and yet….
I also have all the menswear opinions. Have you seen The Imitation Game? I really enjoyed the menswear talent displayed. Mixing tiny plaids is the shit.
Holy crap, I wasn’t sure I was going to see that, but I have a much greater urge now! Pattern mixing fascinates me.
Hello Toastfriends. I’m doing… okay, in the relative sense? I’m emotionally up and down not just day to day but hour by hour but I’m slowly and surely starting to feel more and more like myself and moving forward and all those things you associate with slow healing. This whole process has made it very clear that this is accurate:
At least there’s a useful image out there to describe it.
My favorite candy is the York Peppermint Patty, by a factor of about 10,000.
Been thinking about you. Not gonna stop.
Glad to hear from you. I’ve been thinking about you. Go buy yourself a big ol bag of Peppermint Patties from me.
I am glad you are moving forward, even if it’s in a tangled and messy way.
Have you ever tried making peppermint patties? they look delicious
<3<3<3<3
Okay, I was looking for absolute beginner stuff on youtube and couldn’t find anything. Then I searched for David Bowie’s “Scary Monsters” video and up popped this. I don’t know if Youtube was reading my mind, but it was certainly strange to search for one thing and something completely unrelated pops up. I’m doing the first 7 minutes of this video, since I haven’t exercised in a couple of years:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq7IDD0Ye1Y
So much good luck to you!
Two weeks post-breakup and I’m feeling pretty great, actually. Had a wonderful birthday surrounded by some really incredible friends and family and am starting to move from the “blame myself for everything” phase to the “what he did was really fucked up” phase so that’s a nice change. Life truly does unfold in amazing and unexpected ways.
I’d like to add that he did send me a very bland birthday email which I glanced at and then archived without responding. I hope he chokes on it. (Maybe not quite totally over it?)
That’s OK. How you feel is how you feel. You’re doing great.
I watched two movies I’d missed in theaters this week: Under The Skin and Only Lovers Left Alive. Both had considerably more manflesh than anticipated. Especially the Hiddleskin, really did not see that coming.
ahhh Only Lovers Left Alive is the BEST! I pretty much have that movie memorized from watching it way too many times.
Hngngngngng Only Lovers Left Alive….
I’ve always found him charming, but never had the same kind of visceral reaction to him until NAKED VAMPIRE. Hi, hello, hi.
Still super annoyed about Under The Skin not getting a best score nomination. I’m pretty sure for the first thirty or so minutes I was hypnotized by that music and it just matches the movie perfectly.
I don’t usually pay a lot of attention to music in movies but YES the score to Under the Skin is perfect.
I don’t know how I missed Only Lovers etc in the cinema but I have just ordered it from Amazon now.
If you also like gazing at Rachel Weisz, you can watch the two of them together in a movie I just saw on tv last week, “The Deep Blue Sea”.
I LOVED Only Lovers and don’t normally find Hiddles that cute, but god, that scene with him and Tilda on the doorstep has to be one of the most erotic scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie, and they’re fully clothed!
Sour Smurf gummis (oh boy, that autocorrected to Sour Snuff Hummus, which …) are my fave.
Quick toastie-Q. Is there a list or a place on the site where people share Twitter handles? I’ve just got mine up and running and am looking for Toasties to follow. I tweet about 30/30/40 about French lit/ amnesty + human rights issues / pop culture (avoiding rapturously praising Broad City bc I want my students to follow me, and I don’t want to give away all my secrets immediately).
Anyway, if you like academia and bilingual puns (and WHO DOESN’T?), my handle’s in the comments!
@mfvendetti
*following*
(am @kiranmartin)
(I am following you now too!)
Toastie Twitter!! Just ping embryoconcepts and ask to be added 🙂 I’m following you now, I’m @elyseexplosion!
So, if anyone is reading this far – I just started a new job. Yay! There is a ridiculous lack of training/guidance. Less yay. Basically, I’m working as an advocate in a mental health crisis center, and the best I can get out of my supervisors is “figure out what kind of support patients need and give it to them.” Which…I can do, eventually, but I would really appreciate more training than “observe for a few weeks and then start doing your thing.” idk, it just feels like I’m not accountable enough and i have too much freedom. Have you ever had a job like this? What did you do about it?
YES. I was doing case management in a shelter with very little experience and felt so…left to my own devices. I observed and talked with the other case managers, and felt very uncomfortable for a couple of months. I got good at the job through just doing it and making mistakes and stuff, which was a little frustrating, but ultimately felt great and made me a better case manager – there’s a lot to be said for having to have taught yourself something and learned from your own trial-and-error, rather than some employee manual (though I still would have liked more training).
Toasties, I’m late because I was in an all-staff meeting but I just wanted to thank everyone for all their morning routines from last week! I mentioned my terrible schedule problems in that thread – I get up at 6am, work on a daily email from about 6:15 to 8:30, and then get ready to get into the office. And there was much consensus that my schedule makes morning routines Even Harder.
And, well, it turns out things are going to change. My new boss had decided that he doesn’t think a daily email is achieving what he wants us to achieve. And he wants to end it. Completely. Like, switch to a weekly format that wouldn’t require me to get up at 6am anymore.
Hopefully by March I will be on a normal 9-5 schedule at work and be able to develop a REAL morning routine!
I have an update coming to this here site about FMLA wackness, and I can report that it is largely positive!
Toasties, I’m on a creative streak right now and I want it to keep going! But I always flame out when it comes to documenting a finished collage/mixed media piece because (a) my pictures never come out sharp due to shaky hands and inconsistent lighting and (b) my computer skills are the shits.
I have a 14 megapixel Canon camera, a tripod, a dining room table facing a nice big window, watched a YouTube tutorial and STILL have trouble downloading the finished images because my resolution isn’t high enough, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck.
What’s a frustrated almost 50 year old Emily Carr grad (’93, woot!) without a working studio space and techno mojo to do?
Gee, Toast, I planned to miss the OT today because I’m supposed to be venturing north to look at an apartment and a room for rent. Washed my hair and everything. And then the apartment owner, who made me get a second credit report because the first one wasn’t sufficient, called to say she went ahead and rented the place. So: I’m now paying for an hour’s ride north in a walloping rainstorm to interview for a room I’ve already been turned down for once, but begged my way into the running for, and which will probably necessitate the rental of a storage unit that negates my savings on rent. In a word: Yikes.
Oh, and Tootsie Rolls while reading, Turkish Delight otherwise because I’m too lazy to travel and it makes me feel internationalish.
And finally, spoilers yesterday about pegging and Bob Balaban whetted my appetite for Broad City without giving away the most important thing on earth: Nobody else could play Ilana’s mother. Most perfect casting ever.
Toast friends, how did this week suck so much?? We got too much snow (more on the way), and as a nice cherry on top of that, my dad got laid off from the crappy job he’s been plugging away at for ten years. It could end up being a good chance for him to find something better, but he’s also prone to getting bogged down in hopelessness, so we’re trying to keep him staying positive. It’s just a stressful situation.
And to add more stress, I’ve been job hunting since last May (when I graduated), and despite moving to a new state for better opportunities, I have not gotten a single response this whole time. I’m living with family, so I don’t have money issues at the moment, but I cannot do this forever! It feels like no one will ever hire me unless I go work at McDonalds. Ugh.
(On a more positive note, my favorite candy is marzipan-filled Rittersport chocolate)
This week was not awesome, for sure. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time! Rittersport is divine – I love the kind with cookie (biscuit?) in it but have never seen nor tried the marzipan one so that’s something for me to look forward to 🙂
I hope things smooth out for you soon.
I spilled a glass of wine on my laptop as I was completing the final corrections to a book ms. that had to be back to the publisher within days. To be honest, I cannot now remember how I managed to meet the deadline, aside from the fact that it involved the Geek Squad, but there’s a copy of the published book on my shelf so clearly I did it somehow, but equally clearly, the trauma erased subsequent events from my memory, much like there are hormones to make you forget how painful childbirth is or you’d never do it again. (I have books, not kids, so I’m taking that on trust.) All I can say is that the incident was completely wiped from my mind until I read your own horror story, yeah_elle, when that moment of utter panic came flooding back….
As a Classics undergrad, I once fell asleep at my desk while reading Oedipus at Colonus. I woke up with a start and my arm jerked and knocked over a glass of chocolate milk all over my laptop. It survived, but the keyboard was ruined and I had to use a USB one until I eventually replaced the whole mess.
Hi lovelies, I hope everyone has had a good week. (TW ahead for depressive thoughts) I am having a decidedly NOT good week, unfortunately, and I have nothing nice to offer anyone. My boyfriend left me last weekend, I’m 31 weeks pregnant, my employer is trying to find a way to get rid of me due to my pregnancy, and I’m in a major downward spiral of depression. I’m sad and not eating and I hate myself and everything sucks.
I saw a new therapist this week who was great, and I’m on a medication that was helping me up until very recently, so I don’t think there’s much else I can do with that sort of thing, it’s just a matter of dealing with all this crap and trying not to drive off a bridge or something. It’s really snowy out, so it would totally look like an accident.
So I guess I’m going to spend the weekend watching Scrubs and cuddling with the dogs and trying to distract myself from the hopelessness of everything. Here’s a couple of cute puppy pictures, at least. Ruth Bader Ginsburg (I’m starting to call her Roo instead of Ruthie because the toddler was saying “Roofie” and… no) is being a good pup, and the Worrydog is tolerating her cuddles more and more.
And this is what I changed my now-ex’s contact info to on my phone, It helps slightly, but only slightly.
Oh no, Annie, I was wondering how things have been going for you. I am so sorry that he’s left you with all this shit to deal with on your own (though maybe it’s overall better that he’s gone?). Will he help with baby stuff at least? To the extent that you can tolerate him?
Hope you have a support network. Feel free to reach out to me anytime. I’m not usually on Skype but I can hop on if you want, or I’m on fb most of the time.
Your puppy is SO FREAKING CUTE.
Thanks, you’re lovely, I will definitely fb you soon. 🙁
I have no idea what the next step is with BF. We had a big fight on Saturday, he packed up and left, and then we had a smaller fight followed by a calm talk on Sunday that was… not good. Essentially I told him that I need him to be more respectful and kind in the way he talks to me, and I also need him to sometimes put my needs ahead of his wants. He told me no way. He says he wants someone who will love him unconditionally without expecting anything from him. And he says he is unwilling to change, and that I don’t deserve to be treated with respect. I honestly don’t even know what to say to that. Even a dog doesn’t love you unconditionally without expecting anything back! You have to feed and walk them and spend time with them! How on earth can a 32 year old man not realize that there is no human being on the planet who would be ok with that?!?! I almost felt sorry for him when he said that, because he looked so sad and lonely.
And like, the whole baby/financial thing is a mess. He’s got major bills (owns 2 houses, is renovating one and renting out the other, etc) so he claimed not to be able to afford to contribute to rent or utilities at the rented townhouse we shared. (In my name, because I lived there before he came along. I offered to add him to the lease, but he said no.) Which, ok, I don’t mind helping him out, especially since he’s really helped me financially in the past, but also, dude makes more than 4 times what I do. I looked up a child support calculator online which says that he’ll owe something like $1400-1600/month in child support, which is almost funny to me because that’s about twice as much as it would have cost him to just split the bills with me like a normal person. But he hasn’t contacted me since Sunday and knowing him I doubt that will change. So if he’s going to be involved with the baby it will take me hiring a lawyer I’m pretty sure.
As someone who has a little bit of experience regarding paternity matters, I would consider talking to a lawyer before the baby comes just to make sure as many bases are covered regarding legal stuff before you have the little one. Paternity law has a few kinks and I am of the opinion that it’s better to plan ahead. I know the legal aid group here does some child support stuff, so maybe your local one will too.
I am rage-filled on your behalf, because he sounds like the scum of the earth and just wildly inconsiderate. Seriously, what is wrong with him? But I’m glad you’ve got a couple of pups and some good tv to help you along.
Thanks, I will do that.
I’m honestly just so bewildered by everything. He’s been so all over the place about everything that I don’t even know what to expect in terms of custody arrangements. When we last spoke I told him that I’d really like to try counselling with him, and to please let me know if he changes his mind about therapy being stupid and useless, but my hopes for that are not high.
I’m struggling, and failing, to find some compassion for your man-child. I can give him points for honesty and communication. That’s all I can do. What a fucking asshole. You deserve so much better. So does your baby, as well as your toddler and your dogs. Get a lawyer who will hurt him for you.
I can’t say I’m blameless here – I’ve lost my temper and slapped him on several occasions when I’ve felt pushed into a corner by his verbal bullying, which is super uncool of me – but yeah, he is extraordinarily inconsiderate and childish. 🙁 I hate that I love his dumb ass so much.
It’s OK to love him. From a distance. Without any contact. Or at least minimal contact. I trust your judgment, but I prefer he never be in a position to hurt you.
It’s valuable information, knowing you are attracted to dumbasses. That’s info that can save you future troubles.
I’d rather you slapped a bully than accepted his bullying. Yes, uncool, but not the worst response.
I seem to have lots of extra time all of a sudden. Are you in driving distance of Texas? I could pester you in person. Or buy you a (pregnancy-safe) drink *and* pester you. rmcd1974 at hot mail dot com
Oh man, I wish I was! But alas, I live in Alberta. 🙁 I’ve been thinking I ought to take a trip to some random location one of these days though, perhaps this summer…
I love your phone contact entry. I am so sorry you are struggling. You have every right to feel awful. But pleasepleaseplease don’t drive off a bridge, no matter how tempting. You can withstand all of this. Not easily, I know. But you can do it.
Roofie. Yeah, I’d switch to Roo, too. Rub her tummy for me. And I’ll be watching for updates from you.
I am so, so sorry that this has happened and that your ex is terrible. I cannot fathom the depth of character flaws it must take to leave your lady and her/your unborn child. You will be in my thoughts. <3
I’m sorry for all of the bullshit 🙁 I know it sucks right now, but there is a bright future ahead! You get to be sad a bit, and watch Scrubs, and remember Zach Braff how he used to be. And you have such cuddly puppies and a toddler to be cozy with!!!
Infinite hugs to you!
I’m so sorry this happened. I’m sending good vibes your direction, and I hope you’ll keep us posted if there’s anything we can do.
Very very sorry. Absolutely lawyer up and get that baby what she deserve re: child support.
Also make sure you have some people lined up to help you when the baby comes! (Mom, sister, friends, paid night nurses – whatever you can get)
Oh and also — my friend whose wedding I will not be attending (since it will be full of the sort of sexist ex-friends you jettison after college as well as his completely wacko mom who screamed at me in their front yard about a thing that never even happened and his equally crazy stepsister who tried to steal my partner) has responded to me finally! Saying — you guys, seriously he said this — that he doesn’t understaaaaaaannnnddddd.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, PAL?
The situation is so stressful. I feel for you. But I must say these people are also pretty entertaining, from a distance.
Well thanks to the magic of Captain Awkward and therapy, I’m also able to see clearly the crazy. There was a long time I was enmeshed in it, so it’s nice to look back and go “wowwwwww.”
I wrote him back and asked him if he was living in a different universe than me. Which was somewhat uncharitable since I know that children of narcissists can really think that their parent is normal and loving and everyone else is like that. But ugh.
Oh, BOLLOCKS TO HIM. Is all I have to say.
ahahahaha conveniently, he doesn’t have to understand! His understanding is neither here nor there! His understanding is immaterial to your choice! He can continue not to understand while you go riding off into the sunset on the horse of your choice, or a dinosaur, sure why not, hollering “BYYYYYYYYYYE” as you gallop.
OMG thank you for this imagery.
And you know what is kind of annoying is that this is also a good choice for him and his partner — this way, they don’t have to worry about anyone making a scene, his mom or stepsister making snide comments about me coming or me being there* or whatever.
*hahahaha also it turns out that his mom has been badmouthing me to him and his brother for A DECADE hahahahha omg WHYYYYY don’t I want to come hang out with his entire family for a weekend I just don’t know!.
You guys! Major book news. Kate Atkinson wrote a companion book to Life After Life that’s coming out later this year in May from the perspective of Ursula’s brother Teddy!
http://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/aug/22/kate…
Now if only we could get a release date for the follow up to Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell and Hild that would be great.
Best candy is Pretzel M&Ms.
I just saw this and ran down the hall to my favorite book-reading colleague who recommended Life After Life to me in the first place! We spent way too long speculating.
Favorite other-Atkinson? I checked out Behind the Scenes at the Museum but never actually read it and now want to pick up one of her novels for the weekend.
I loved Case Histories, not the same as Life After Life, but her writing is so fluid.
I read the first third of Case Histories this weekend! It is different from Life After Life but the fact that it’s a detective story is actually more in line with my usual casual reading interests. Thanks for the recommendation!
I read Started Early, Took My Dog and absolutely adored it before realizing after finishing it that it was #4 in a series. Have been working my way through all her Jackson Brodie detective books since then and they’re all fantastic.
That is exciting news! I adored Life After Life.
The best candy is Peach Penguins.
I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THESE. Do they taste like “peach”?? MUST BUY.
Yes! They are a subtle peach, a real Adult Candy.
Black candy makes me uncomfortable because I can’t shake the assumption that it must taste like licorice, aka the worst flavour known to mankind.
Your eyebrow game is on point
I am unbelievably happy right now because I have tickets to go see Rain this weekend. I know they are a cheesy, Beatles cover band but they are a cheesy, Beatles cover band I saw when I was 12 and now I get to take my 10 year old daughter to see them. It is going to be so much fun.
THEY ARE AWESOME, GO HAVE SO MUCH FUN
Oh lol I thought you meant Rain the K-pop star.
I don’t think I would like to cross my chocolate and fruity streams…who knows what could happen
Trader Joe’s dark chocolate truffle bar! I also keep a bowl of individually wrapped candy in my office to lure people in, I refer to it as friend bait. I keep “my” candy (usually a bar of something) in my desk drawer and am surprisingly good at not touching the candy set aside for coworkers. I lifted and then bastardized the idea of friend bait from Dinner a Love Story. http://www.dinneralovestory.com/trader-joes-to-th…
I would actually love to keep a jar of something not full of sugar for my health-conscious colleagues too, but I am kind of grossed out by the idea of a dozen people digging into a jar. Is this ridiculous? Anyone have a work around?
I am kind of grossed out by the idea of a dozen people digging into a jar
If a jar & spoon doesn’t seem like it would keep people from reaching in, you could store them in a wide-necked bottle or narrow-necked jar, then let people pour a handful out into their palms. I do that at parties for mixed nuts or other snacky things.
Oh gosh I think I’m going to buck up and snag some early matinee seats for this movie. Gloriousness. Decadent, campy, gloriousness.
at io9 they said it was like the sick love-child of Zardoz and The Fifth Element
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is a movie I need to see right now
Reading thread! I started Rebecca on Monday and stayed up way later than I should’ve last night to finish it. How have I never read this before? Gonna watch the Hitchcock movie this weekend.
I didn’t get any further into The Luminaries but I picked up a bunch of other more interesting stuff on Kindle this week: the Kelly Link, Man Alive: A True Story of Violence, Forgiveness and Becoming a Man, Cold Comfort Farm, and Outlander. Also I put Redefining Realness and A Cup of Water Under My Bed on hold at the library. Where should I start??
What are you reading?
I am reading The Wild Ones by John Mooallem, which is really good but kinda depressing! It’s about how humans are basically, at this point, acting out a tragicomedy of “conservation” to keep a few species alive despite every single factor working against them. Sigh. At least the writing style is entertaining.
I have also had Outlander in my book pile for a while now…I don’t know why I’m so hesitant to start!!
I love Rebecca. It’s such a delicious book and there are so many scenes that have stuck with me since I first read it in middle school. Plus Mrs. Danvers is one of scariest characters I’ve ever read.
I’m on book 2 of the Outlander series and cannot recommend the series (or at least the first book and a half) enough. It’s so good and just the right amounts of adventure and sexy and everything else. I plan on spending lots of quality time with my book this weekend because I am desperate to know how it ends so I can start the third one.
I’ve just started listening to The Blood Spilt by Asa Larsson while I quilt. I’m getting into Scandinavian crime fiction again and have a couple of Jo Nesbo’s audiobooks on hold for when I finish this one.
Rebecca is a FAB book. My other favorite Du Maurier novel is The King’s General, which takes place in Cornwall during the first and second English civil wars.
Yes, I might be going on a du Maurier binge … thanks for the recommendation!
Yes, yes, yes! Read The King’s General. I love that one.
I’m reading “Rabid,” which is a cultural history of rabies. It’s lovely, if that’s your sort of thing.
I really liked that book, but it also made me pretty paranoid so it was kind of a mixed bag reading it.
So jealous you are reading Rebecca for the first time!
OMFG I have Thoughts about Rebecca but I have no time to write them out here (and honestly, I’m hoping to sell them at some point).
But, man oh man*, I would watch the hell out of the movie for the zillionth time if you feel like watching it together via Twitter or something, assuming we can schedule it to suit us both.
*misandry oh misandry?
YES let’s do that. Mr. ipsum had a ton of fun doing the Hill House party. I haven’t told him we’re watching Rebecca this weekend yet but maybe that would help convince him. I’m a much bigger Hitchcock fan than he is. I’ll ping you on twitter or fb re: scheduling.
ooooops I can’t fit it in this weekend! Don’t wait for me, then; I’ll rewatch it on my own sometime.
Well I will see if we get around to it this weekend, and if not I’ll let you know.
Oooh…you get to read Outlander for the first time. I’m jealous. The first three books in the series are some of my favorite books. (After that it gets very…long. And there are too many characters. But the first three are wonderful.)
I loved Rebecca and the movie did not disappoint either!
I just finished Monkey Beach which is now one of my all-time favourite novels because it is so amazingly everything I can’t even. My book club is doing Stanley Park this month and I just got a call yesterday that my copy is in, so I guess I’m reading that next. And then I’m going to get to see Richard Wagamese give a talk next week! He is so talented and I am so excited. So I guess what I’m saying is I’m walking talking Can-con this week.
Hey, Monkey Beach looks great!
I’m almost done with The Peripheral, then I gotta read The Martian for work book club and then I may be joining another friends’ book club where they are reading all the Hugo nominees, so I would be reading City of Stairs for that. And then maybe at some point I’ll have time to get through more Tournament of Books books before March.
I also wanted to look into Women writers of Weird fiction so I got a book and short story by Silvia Moreno-Garcia, and that lead me to finding out about a collection that just started called Year’s Best Weird Fiction Volume 1 edited by Laird Barron. So much to read!
I love talking about women writers of weird fiction! I will see if I have any recommendations for you.
You might also like The Year’s Best Dark Fantasy and Horror. I haven’t read this year’s yet but there was some good stuff in last year’s.
Thanks! I found a couple of good lists but the more recommendations the better.
Wait until you’re good and fed up of English litrachoor in its most manly mood, then pick up Cold Comfort Farm and laugh your ass off. And for all that’s holy, don’t watch the movie first!
Oh, I know lots of people who love Outlander!
Really late to this thread, but I just started Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?
Just put that on the wish list. It looks good if perhaps difficult.
Freaking Rebecca yessssssssssssssss. Maybe the best opening sentence in literature? Probably the best opening sentence in literature.
I am reading The Name of the Rose and it is RIVETING. I am all about monks.
Just started Station Eleven and am plowing through it. Already at Part IV. Loving it so far.
I have recently actually started paying attention to skin care, which for me means I am washing my face mostly daily with almond oil and cornmeal (the cornmeal was RoseCamelia’s idea and I love it!)
I am starting to look for some kind of facial sunscreen for this summer. I spend a lot of time outside and am pretty fair and have not been very good about sunscreen for most of my life. Does anyone have any recommendations for something that’s light, not super high SPF, more or less unscented, and will wash off easily? My skin is not terribly sensitive but I don’t like scents.
Not sure if this is exactly what you’re looking for, but: Trader Joe’s SPF 15 moisturizer. It may not be high enough, but it’s unscented and doesn’t feel greasy. Other than that, I use Neutrogena just-for-the-face sunscreen, but that’s something improbable-sounding like SPF 60.
That sounds great and probably relatively cheap? I’ll check it out. Thanks!
I like Olay Complete All-Day Moisturizer (SPF 30) or Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture Broad Spectrum (SPF 35). I use a retinol cream at night so I’m extra sensitive to sunlight.
I’ve started using rosehip seed oil as a moisturizer at night and so far I really like it. My skin is a bit wonky right now – dry and breaking out due to the cold weather and the retinol.
I ordered some powdered vitamin C and little glass dropper bottles to make my own vitamin C serum, but now I regret it because making my own serum suddenly seems beyond my abilities. Too late to cancel the order, though, so we’ll see what happens.
I used the Olay too. I’m not sure what it is about that stuff (or if it’s just that my face is more used to getting sun than the rest of me), but there have been days when I’ve slathered actual, 30 (or 45, or 60) SPF sunscreen on the rest of me and just used the Olay on my face, and my face has been the only part of me that didn’t get sunburned.
That is an excellent track record. Thanks!
This reminds me that I never bought the rosehip oil suggested by Adwoa Asiedu here. I prefer not to buy from Amazon; does anyone recommend a favorite seller of essential oils, etc.?
Mountain Rose Herbs!! https://www.mountainroseherbs.com/
They have essential oils, teas, herbs, everything!!!!
I got mine at a local drugstore; it’s this brand but was maybe $4-5 cheaper.
Thanks! I skimmed her posts but did not read closely. I’ll try that stuff, it sounds delightful!
Follow-up for others who might be reading this:
I went to Mountain Rose Herbs as GreenGrasses suggested (they are generally great!) and I got the “Wild Rose facial oil” instead of the Amazon rosehip oil that Adwoa recommended. This product is not 100% rosehip oil. I am sure this is fine because MRH makes good stuff, but FYI it includes: organic Rosehip seed oil, organic Olive oil infused with organic Calendula flowers, organic Jojoba oil, vitamin E oil, and a blend of pure essential oils including organic Lavender, organic Helichrysum, and organic Carrot seed.
Also, it smells like fresh-cut hay, which I think is delightful. It also has a nice little pump bottle that dispenses just a tiny bit.
If I had scrolled down farther I would’ve found the rosehip seed oil on MRH, but it only comes in 8oz or more, and no little pump bottle.
Chanel makes a very good (but of course, very spendy) sunscreen that I truly love.
I have oily skin and can recommend a few moisturizers with sunscreen. My favourite is Cetaphil Dermacontrol with 30 SPF, because it’s cheap, unscented and recommended by my dermatologist. I am also a big fan of Neutrogena’s formulas for oily skin, and I’ve used the 35 SPF with good results. I also really like La Roche Posay’s 20 SPF for oily skin, since it dries more matte than the rest. It smells like cucumbers, which I like, but you may not.
If you’re looking for an actual sunscreen, to spend all day outside in direct sunlight, my favourites are those made by Neutrogena and La Roche Posay. The best I can say for them is that they work and they feel okay. I hate real sunscreen, since it always feels like I just put diaper cream on my face.
I like these Kazakh candies whose name I don’t even know. They consist of a nut (usually walnut or almond) stuck in the middle of an apricot or prune, and the whole thing is covered in dark or white chocolate. It’s kind of a confectionary turducken. The Eastern European deli near us that’s actually staffed by Central Asians just started carrying them, which is great.
In less jolly news, my doctor still doesn’t know why my periods went AWOL six months ago, and she doesn’t care, and she got very testy when I asked her if it could be early menopause and said no, but then said she couldn’t promise anything 100% until my slightly elevated prolactin level comes down. It should do that (but hasn’t) in the two months I’ve been on this medication that makes me feel like shite, but she’s not going to try anything else, including an increased dosage, so I could conceivably have elevated prolactin forever and be on this stupid medication, having no idea whether the elevated prolactin is the cause of my problem or not). She’s not even referring me to a fertility specialist.
Incidentally, stress (in this case from the Canadian medical system that I loathe with the fury of 10,000 suns thanks to two years of similar things) can keep prolactin elevated. I’m still going to try making frybread for my ancestor spirits the way my MIL’s shaman suggested, in cases THEY’RE the ones keeping my prolactin elevated. But damn. I hate this place. I hate this situation. I want to have another baby, and I’d at least like the CHANCE to determine whether or not it’ll be possible. This medical system is great if you have a competent doctor, and it sucks if you don’t. Either way, you’re supposed to be compliant and wait like a sheep, without recourse. 888888888888\\]<—That last bit was my toddler’s contribution.
How monumentally frustrating.
Thank you! I wish I could stop complaining about it, but I just feel like one of those birds who keeps flying into plate glass while thinking it’s air over and over again when dealing with this. I appreciate your words.
That makes sense! Plus when you’re new, you’ve got a built-in conversation opener. I’ve relocated to new places many many times, but I always seem to default to meeting one cool person and then absorbing their friend circle. Good luck!
Oh, and if you’re up for talking to new people at shows/bars, I’ve found that The Lovecraft, Club 21, and Dante’s all tend to have pretty friendly crowds.
Oooh, thank you!
I’ll definitely visit those bars.
Ohh, have fun! I think wander IKEA dates are fun, though I’ve never gone with a date-friend…
I haven’t been to IKEA in years, so I can’t say what’s good anymore, but I do still use my comforter I got from there.
Also, tangentially, the next time I go to IKEA will be when the one they’re building in mid-town St. Louis opens up, because it will be mere minutes from my house and I’ll be so excited to see it DONE. I’ve been watching the construction when ever I visit my organization’s building around the corner. Ahhh!
help help, I just had to tell our marketing person to change a font in an email blast because she had used COMIC SANS, send reinforcements and/or drinks
That is inexcusable. As a marketing person, she should know better. Source: am marketing person.
My office tech removed Comic Sans from everyone’s computers because he hates it so much. Luckily the court only accepts documents in Time New Roman, so fonts aren’t usually and issue.
So I used to work at a really terrible job at a chapter of a large religious undergraduate organization at a very prestigious university. At one point during my time there, the executive director had to send out a very serious memo about something that had happened and was causing a fair degree of controversy. I will give you exactly one guess as to the font he chose to email this memo in. To our board and approximately 10,000 donors, students, and alumni.
(“I wanted it to be friendly, like handwriting,” he said when I tried to point out this may not have been the best choice.)
Noooooooo stop noooooo. I can’t deal with that.
Adding insult to injury the whole thing was in italics.
I wish I were joking.
omg
At least not all caps I hope!
I have filled out city permit forms with comic sans on them- yes, it’s a small city, but the dumpster permit application should still probably not contain comic sans. You know, as a general rule. And they generally have their shit together in all other ways, which makes the comic sans particularly comic.
I’m late, but… RUNNING THREAD!
New beau has a nice gym with treadmills, so I was actually able to run indoors and focus on speed a little more. Maybe a bit more than I ought have, considering how my knees feel. I’m trying to remember that I can’t overdo it until I lose a little more weight. But last night involved a rather fast 2-mile run, sex, and Thai food. Frankly, that’s the kind of positive running reinforcement I can get behind!
Woo! That sounds like a fantastic night!
Remembering not to push running speed too far has been a real challenge for me, too. My training plan actually says to go at a pace where you’re able to talk, but not sing. Maybe that advice will help?
I finally got back on the treadmill after more than a week off due to nagging muscle pain, and made a serious point of keeping my speed comfortable. I felt pretty great at the end of my run, so I’m hoping I’ll stick with it. I skipped back about 4 weeks in my half marathon training plan, but I’m aching to get back to long runs, because they felt amazing.
Good luck on your continued running!
Trying to upload from Photobucket (thanks, Es-Petal!)…………..
OMG, this is what I’m talking about-I’m so FUCKING STOOPID. Wait, did this work? What the fuck, the image was there and now it’s GONE? FUUUUCK!
Did you try to edit it? That randomly takes them out.
YES! I went to add the title and like “poof!” it be gone, gone, gone. Good to know it’s not just me!
I have no advice, only commiseration. I have tried every variation on the instructions for posting images to The Toast and every single one has failed, including that weird thing you report where the image did show up, but when I reloaded the page, there was just a jumble of HTML. I DO NOT KNOW, but I hear you.
Ooh, there’s instructions for posting to the Toast? Whoops, didn’t catch that! Fitting for me…my tombstone is gonna read “The Devil’s In The Details” (seriously, it sums up my life perfectly).
no, but periodically some kind soul comes along and gives instructions in the comments. But I’ve tried every variation on image-posting html I know and not one of ’em has worked for me. I wonder if I’ve tried editing them, as Es_Petal mentions above, and made ’em go poof. That could be it.
My point is: you are not stoopid, it’s A Thing. That, or we can be stoopid together.
DARK CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER CUPS from Trader Joes. They are divine. As are you, Toasties.
After being stuck in a corporate coffee shop job with an insane, micro-managing boss for the last year and half, I finally got a big girl job that I truly believe is a good fit. I really didn’t think it would happen, but all of a sudden, I had three job offers in one week. I don’t usually rely on cliches, but when it rains, it pours, AMIRIGHT?!
I use Eucerin Daily Protection Moisturizing Face Lotion. It’s SPF 30, fragrance-free, and it’s the only face moisturizer/sunscreen I’ve found that doesn’t make me break out.
Trying one more time….
I see it this time! Hooray! Also I love it!
Yay, thank you!
Sent from my iPad
Sorry for the repeated posts, but I don’t want to go back and edit my last post because I don’t want to make my image disappear like last time!
So, if my image makes it, it’s called “Indian Pony (I)” (is that title inappropriate?), it’s a work in progress and ANY feedback is welcomed! This is the FIRST TIME I have ever posted any work publicly online and I am both thrilled and terrified!
You do *not* need my approval. But I do like it, very much. I love texture, in general, and the visual texture in your image, specifically.
Awesome, thank yo!
It’s lovely!
Thank you! It’s a work in progress (too minimal, needs salt) so now that I got this Photobucket thang down, I’ll post the finished piece!
Oh, I saw it and turned into your mom somehow: “My word, did you make that by yourself?!” It’s gorgeous! I love the text and visuals all mingled like that. Now come here so I can lick a napkin and wipe your face. For reals, though, that’s fantastic.
Thank you! And I could always use another Mom!
Sent from my iPad
Hi Toasts.
We had to euthanize our dog last Friday. She was 15 and had a long and adventurous life and a peaceful death. Both were full of love. I am not sad for her, but I am so sad for myself. I didn’t post on last week’s open thread, but all last weekend I went back to it, reading every single post slowly. It sounds ridiculous, but it helped me to read about all the things – big or small – going on in your lives, to remind myself that life goes on. I know this sounds dramatic for the death of a dog, but I was feeling pretty low.
So, you didn’t know you were doing it, but thank you for helping me through a pretty unpleasant weekend. Here’s to this one being better!
So sorry for your loss. Dogs are the best. Especially hard to lose a being you can never have been truly angry with. There’s always mixed emotions when a human dies. They were flawed, as are we all. But dogs. They just love you. No matter what. It’s so hard to lose that.
Thank you. It’s hard to put my finger on why I’m so upset, but I think you are on to something. I’m starting to get used to the quiet house but it’s going to be awhile before I stop looking for her as soon as I walk in the door.
I am so sorry for you.
*hugs* I get what you mean about seeing big and small things in other people’s lives, totally.
Oh, I’m so sorry. That’s hard, but you did everything possible to take care of her and show her love. That’s the best thing we can do in this world, and you’ve done it. For her.
Now take sweet loving care of yourself.
Thank you! I got myself a nice haircut today for a treat.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. It is never easy to lose one of our furry family members.
Oh man, I am so so sorry. I’m glad your lovely dog had such a beautiful life with you, and I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. She was a happy girl and she loved you! Give yourself time. Dogs give us so much and letting go of everything they’ve given us takes time, and it’s hard. My girl passed on about a year and a half ago, and I still miss her so much. Here’s something I read sometimes: http://www.dogheirs.com/tamara/posts/5044-dogs-ne… it is cheesy, but it helps. xoxo.
Thank you, that does help! It’s such a cute image and I’m going to think of it often.
Condolences on your loss. I sometimes just read the Open Thread to get out of my immediate head-space, and because there’s always a story or recipe or idea that broadens my perspective. It’s a good place to come to in those particularly tough transitional times.
Toasties, I’ve gained some weight and I’m having a hell of a time finding pants that fit. Nothing seems to have a long enough rise. My hips are about 49″ – any suggestions?
Not convenient, not exciting, but well-made and reliable return policy: Land’s End. They label the rise. Look for the phrase “slightly above waist”. That will guarantee a good long rise.
I use them for the opposite reason. I buy low-rise pants. The waist band then ends up *at* my waist. I’m so short above the hips.
Land’s End offers free hemming at any inseam measure you specify, for most pants. Which is why I buy from them. I have very long legs, with my very short rise. And I wear plus sizes. Hard to find pants elsewhere. And they will accept a return at any point in the life of your clothes, for any reason.
Lane Bryant makes some great high-rise jeans, they’re not too big in the waist either
GEE, WHAT GAVE IT AWAY
I have a friend who is 8 months pregnant, and her husband is leaving her. He will be out of the apartment before the baby is born, and won’t be helping. He doesn’t even want custody, just some visitation. Unfortunately we don’t live in the same state, so I can’t help much directly. I am trying to think of things I can do from a distance. I’ve showered her with gifts, and I’m going to have food delivered to her house after the baby is born; I might see if some of her buds will chip in to have her apartment cleaned. What else can I do to help her out while she’s doing this alone?
Oh man. I think given the circumstances you’re doing the best you can. Maybe see if she wants a visitor for a weekend (if you can swing it with work – maybe over spring break?) to help out and give her a bit of a break? But otherwise I say keep doing what you’re doing.
Have her husband killed?
This!
Get some insurance first tho
You’re an awesome friend! I wish I had friends like you. 🙂 I think your ideas are great, the only thing I would add is to be available to talk after the baby is born – being a parent to a newborn can be really hard without much adult conversation.
Look into a postpartum doula who can come and do things like dishes and laundry and holding the baby while she takes a nap. Also, if you are able to do more food delivery/cleaning arrangements etc. around week 6, I bet it will be welcome.
oh god, what a diiiiiiiick! if she lives in San Francisco I will help her out
She lives near Denver. I will go spend some time there this summer, but otherwise it’s hard to get time off as a teacher.
A diaper service was a much appreciated gift when I was on my own with the eldest.
i can’t believe there are not one but TWO of these stories on open thread today. ugh, men. lots of love to your friend.
You are a great friend! She clearly chose a dick of a man but she has great taste in friends.
I tend to salty snacks rather than sweets. (That is, I eat sweets all the goddamned time, but I don’t think of them as “snacks.”)
There are the snacks I like but don’t often allow myself because every time, I fall into the trap of the mad scientists who design them to trigger the eat-every-one impulse, and I do eat every one, and they make me feel Not Good: Pringles, Doritos, Cheetos — the nubbly kind, not the puffy kind.
I had an unpleasantness last year, a medical condition I won’t describe here (you’re welcome!), and now I can’t really eat those things anymore. Instead of just feeling Not Good, I get actively sick if I eat them in quantity, and what’s the point of eating Pringles if you can only have a few? A recommended serving is, like, half-a-dozen duckbills. Forget it! Apparently, I will forgo junk food entirely if I’m not allowed to eat the whole bag.
There are the snacks I love but that don’t bypass my rational thought process in the same way: cashews, toasted cheese on bread, avocado toast, potato chips, sharp cheddar with grapes and crackers.
Then there is the ultimate snack, the only sweet that I routinely treat as a snack: Trader Joe’s chocolate covered peanut butter stuffed pretzels. Chez nous they are known as “period kibble,” and I will eat the whole bagful without even noticing.
Period kibble. Duck bills. Ye gods are you creative. And delightful.
Realizing that I would rather do without Doritos than resign myself to eating only a recommended serving was a weird experience in self-revelation.
Like, am I really that person? Would I really rather deny myself the thing entirely than enjoy it in a moderate fashion? Am I really rejecting the food completely if I can’t scrabble a whole bag of it up in my chops like a dog left alone with the garbage can, to be found later lying on the floor, swollen and faintly yapping? YUP, THAT’S ME. … okay, then.
That’s OK. Just enjoy a whole bag – fully, with abandon – at measured intervals. I know that’s not easy. Really. I know.
Toastbrarians! I dealt with my first-ever challenged book this week! So exciting!
Apparently, The Five Agreements should be removed from the collection because the Tolten people (whose values the book is based on) practiced ritual child sacrifice!
Guys, this week an ingenious colleague sang, “All the old dudes/ send me the nudes,” to the tune of “All the Young Dudes,” and I am still laughing.
So I’m a relatively new Toastie and twitterer and I’m just so intimidated! I come from print media (actually, was one of their first bloggers) and after about seven years of blogging for one publisher or another, most if not all was totally phoned in, I had become totally disenchanted with social media and Gawker-type sites. Any words of encouragement? I’m 35 but feel ancient and vaguely resentful at the idea that to make it as an essayist these days you have to be publishing and interacting 24/7. I just don’t have that in me and I feel like I’m too late to the game to ever catch up.
Welcome to The Toast! I feel for you. I wish for you the ability to trade intimidated for satisfied with your rate of learning. We’re all learning. You think there was such a thing as the internet when I was growing up? I had Marcia Brady hair, when it was the height of fashion. So much older than you are. Learning as fast as I can. Never catching up. I’m getting used to that feeling. May you find balance and peace. And keep commenting at The Toast.
At 45 I’m tempted to jump in front of you and scream, “No, hire me first!” But that’s not how we behave here. Best advice is just to ask questions and keep doing so until you get a respectful answer you understand. This is of course a fantastic place for that, but you’ll find others. Writer’sWeekly.com still lists a lot of print leads along with webby stuff, so it’s possible to do both. And I think the “We paid you $5 and now own your work and your soul and you have to sit here and discuss it with people threatening to decapitate you” culture is wearing itself out. Hang in there.
Encouragement! I’m older than you, and I don’t think age is necessarily a limiting factor in social media. I see people older still who are completely fluent and younger people for whom social media is a stumbled-over foreign language.
At the moment, I keep my social media interactions mostly for me. On twitter, I post links to my (and other people’s) work, and if a reader reaches out to me, I might engage, but I don’t see it as mandatory. For another example, my Facebook friend list is almost entirely family and face-to-face friends, and I use it only for personal exchanges with people I want to hear from.
I get to define how I use my personal social media overall. No one else dictates that to me. One editor even pointed out to me that trying to maintain constant social-media presence is a trap for freelancers: you’ll never fill it up, you’ll just work yourself silly trying to fill up a bottomless hole.
Boss: still in jail, still attempted sexual contact with a 14-year old girl who was really a police officer in disguise. The police have had our server since last Wednesday, which sucks. People have been coming by to offer sympathy and tell us that they never really liked him, which sucks. The other boss has been working incredibly long hours, while figuring out how best to distance the company from his dear friend of 30 years, which sucks.
But nobody’s yelled at me in over a week, and it’s amazing. Nobody’s made me feel small or stupid or inadequate, and nobody’s blamed me for their mistakes. On Tuesday, I admitted to myself that most of my recent depression stems from how Former Boss was treating me and the rest of his employees, and then I spent two days being incredibly angry. But now, I’m enjoying the atmosphere in the office, where we’re all incredibly stressed out, but we’re in it together, and everybody is being amazing and supportive and motivated.
That’s terrible, but also great? I hope the good stuff stays and the stressful stuff goes away, but not in a swept-under-the-rug way.
He’s got a good lawyer (who attends the same church we do), so I’m sure he’s going to go to prison, but hopefully he can get some help for his various issues. This is all the compassion I can muster at the moment, so I hope nobody at church presses me for warm and fuzzy feelings about the guy. But it’s all in the hands of the legal system now, so we can all focus on keeping the company going, and making it better and less dysfunctional.
You have the perfect excuse to avoid the issue at church. “As you know, I am employed at his company, so thanks for understanding why I don’t want to talk about it.” Or some such wording of your own.
Very happy for your new-found emotional relief. This is all so hard, but for the best in the end. I will look for updates from you here at The Toast.
Fortunately, everybody at church has been really great, and they just ask me how I’m doing emotionally. And everybody accepts that anger is a completely valid and reasonable response to this mountain of shit. Also, everybody’s very happy to learn that he has a business partner, so I’m not out of a job.
I’m surrounded by fantastic people, is basically what’s going on here.
Whoa, that is a huge piece of information for you to have uncovered about your own interior state (which, heeeey, was at least in part an exterior state!), and that’s one good outcome from this painful situation.
And we’re getting our server back on Monday, which means we’ll actually have our accounting software!
Following up to say the interview went really well, I like the space and people and really hope I get it. Should know by Sunday.
Good luck! — yr secret fan on the east coast
yaaaaaaaaay Good luck!
Toasties: female (’90s R&B) solidarity in the face of morning commute harassment. !!!!1
That’s AWESOME! Do you think if women everywhere responded like this we could eradicate the problem? TLC for the win!
Anyone have a great, non-advanced recipe for bread pudding?
This recipe is pretty easy. I make it differently if i’m using a whole vanilla bean, but this works, also it’s cut down from an industrial size recipe I used at a restaurant I was a pastry cook for. I’ve converted it to cups, but if you’d rather have it in grams/ounces I have that too.
8 eggs
3 1/2 cups milk
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
2 cups sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp cinnamon
1 lb loaf bread (challah, brioche, croissants) with crust trimmed if thick, cut into 1 inch-ish cubes
Wisk eggs. Add milk, cream, sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon. Pour over bread cubes. Let soak for 30 minutes (press on the bread occasionally to make sure it soaks up all the custard)
Bake at 350 in a 9×13” glass dish for about an hour and 15 minutes. It should be golden brown on top and not jiggle too much when you shake the pan.
Its fantastic with diced apple or dried fruit as well (about 1 cup of either or both!)
Thank you so much!
I know nothing. I don’t cook. But I do know this: moarrrr bourbon is never wrong.
Wow. Coming here late but here goes:
Valentine’s Day marks the 4 year anniversary of my divorce being finalized. 5 years from when he came home and blurted out to the kids he was leaving. At least middle kid doesn’t have PTSD on v-day anymore, BUT….While I am much better mentally, I am 44, I haven’t had sex in 6 years, I can’t get the antidepressant weight off, and I”m raising three kids but one doesn’t “count” anymore because he’s 18. Which means when the child support stopped and I got forced into looking for a new house (the last landlord liked to bring roadkill deer bodies to my backyard and then watch with secret cameras while the coyotes and vultures ate them.—30 feet from my kitchen!)–the rent went up and the combination of the rent and the lost child support means I took a hit of $1000 a month, gone. And I have a kid in high school who eats constantly I keep having to tell him “we don’t have the money for …..X”.
I know getting my MA was a hard thing and a big accomplishment but I’d like to not have to charge the groceries. I’ve had to skip all the fun things AND all the things I do to stay healthy and even vitamins and karate because I don’t dare get hurt.
This is not helping my self-confidence or getting me anywhere where I might possibly have a date.
I am struggling with my counselor because I’m more angry that I need the child support so much. I don’t want to need that a$$ for anything.
The secret plan to recruit more girls to lacrosse might be working? For the first time I have 2 girls on the team–I think, because nobody has turned in their forms to me. I have my first official coaches talk defense meeting this morning, I have to watch more “how to play the game videos” now so I don’t seem stupid.The powers that be assure me that I’ll learn the game, but they need an actual adult around to supervise, and my athletic coaches will do their bit. Well, they are great, but they are 21 and 20, respectively, AND they are behind in their certification, which means I will probably be teaching 30 middle schoolers core and conditioning alone for the first few weeks, and I’m the most overweight and out of shape I’ve been ever in my life. I have 2 weeks to wrap my head around this. Usually daily yoga is at least something I can accomplish but I haven’t been able to. I have to get some gumption on the fitness front.
The job is great but only half time. Coaching is going to eat up the rest of my time, which I think will be good because if I am freezing and building up young kids’ confidence I won’t be able to think about my own. And it’s a challenge to be so extroverted.
I have started about 6 knitting projects, all of which are incredibly complicated, I think it’s denial.
I have to go watch lacrosse videos now.
All of you that have dealt with abusive bosses, I completely feel for you. They can ruin your daily life like nothing else. I had one that fired me between my wedding and the honeymoon. He also screamed at his secretary who was going through chemo at the time.
Next week I will try to post earlier on this thread–I had full moon craziness with my eldest son’s girlfriend’s mom yesterday, you’d love to hear what she says about my (in honors engineering college on scholarship) ‘kid’.
Oof. You’ve got a lot to deal with. Are you a lacrosse coach? It sounds like, despite all the pressure you’re under, you have some great things going on in your life — great kids that are going to turn out ok, a counselor, a job, a new home away from roadkill, and you’re at least in touch with your feelings even if they don’t feel good. You do yoga at least some of the time, and that’s great. Take care of yourself, because you deserve it.
Would love to hear what the crazy gf’s mom says about your son!
Oh you poor thing. You have so many burdens. I agree with citystillbreath, though. You are aware of your feelings. That puts you way ahead. And you have great kids. They will be OK. It sucks that they have to learn about bad relationships in the worst ways, and while so young. But this is valuable info for them. And they have an A+ parent in you. I will watch for you in future Toast comments. Please keep us updated. I’m not the only one here who cares about you.
Thank you for saying that 🙂
It's hard to walk that fine line between wanting to be a good friend and to listen and give support when your friend needs to talk about their relationship, and desperately wanting them to shuuuut uuuup. I can remember not always getting it right when I was in a relationship, and so I try to cut my friends some slack, but it's difficult when you're having to do that for everyone and some of them take advantage of that. Part of my problem is also that my friends' outside interests generally involve things I can't really do right now (or just don't want to), so there's an element of disconnect there as well.
It doesn't help that last week one of my friends bailed on our plans at the absolute last minute (in fact, after the last minute – she emailed me 15 minutes after I'd originally expected her to be at my house for the evening I had organised in part for her benefit) to see her boyfriend. There was no good reason for it, she was just rude and inconsiderate and sadly behaving not at all out of character.
Between that, Valentines Day, and my therapist being away, I'm not that surprised that it's been getting me down this week!
Sugar can whack out your metabolism. THat sounds hard! For me, total ban is often easier than just moderation with something like candy (which IS addictive). I just cut it out entirely and tell myself, ("no the candy bowl is not something I do, ever") and that tends to reduce by a HUGE amount how much mental energy it takes me to resist.
Yes! You articulated that a lot better than I did, but that sounds very familiar. My relationship ended very abruptly and, for me, traumatically, a couple of years ago, and since then I've been unwell so when I feel down it's one of the things I tend to ruminate on because there hasn't been anyone since. Mostly I'm missing the things the relationship made me feel, but sometimes it's him-specific things and that's when it really hurts.
You're right about spending time with those friends whose partners are also friends. I really like my friend's boyfriend, and I don't mind being a third or fifth wheel when they're around. It's nice to feel that I would have made friends with him independently of her, which is not something I feel about any of the others.
Thank you. It feels a lot better to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.
I deserve to be alone not to punish myself but exactly because I am sufficient unto myself.
This is exactly the feeling I'm striving to reach. As usual you expressed it perfectly 🙂
Part of what is so difficult about getting over this relationship is acknowledging all the things that were wrong with it – the ways I behaved badly, the ways he behaved badly, and the things about him which meant that the relationship was bound to fail at some point – while holding onto the things that were fun, and beautiful, and loving. This is something I struggle with, and always have done. Good things come and go very quickly, but anything traumatic or hurtful sticks around and sets up shop.
I am no longer in contact with my ex. I cut off contact the second we broke up, which was the right thing for me, but also means that I'm left with a lot of uncertainties about the relationship which I cannot answer. I need to reach a point where I no longer need those questions answered. Like you said, though, I think it's going to take a few more years yet.
Thanks, Pear. This really helped.
A Safe Single Space is exactly what I need. I'm glad you found yours, and thank you for the advice 🙂
I have been enjoying Susan Cooper's The Dark Is Rising series lately. YA is about all I can handle at work.
(Just a note – Overdrive is just a platform, each library will have different books available on it.)
This cropped up on the Paris Review Tumblr today: http://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2012/12/26/che…
Porn books and librarians have always had a passionate, mutually defining relationship—it was, in fact, a prudish French librarian in the early nineteenth century who coined the word pornography.
Relevant to The Toast's interests?
Thanks! The meeting went really well. I’m a mom who didn’t want to see the program end so volunteered to be head coach!I think I’m going to be watching lacrosse rules videos before I go to bed every night for the next 2 weeks.
I SO love being away from the roadkill. The minute we moved out of there we all took a deep breath. This new house has so much light and room and privacy, it’s almost worth being broke for!
Crazy GF’s mom–now, I really really like the GF. She’s a year older than my son but same graduation year. The mom has prevented her from going to college and pretty much forced a gap year on the GF. I helped GF do her college applications and encouraged her to go to the same school as my son, because they are VERY generous with scholarship funds. She has received over $2000 in scholarships already, and that’s before even filing for financial aid. Her mother is dealing with empty nest over protectiveness and blew up my phone texting me how “her daughter is only going to school for a man” and “they are staying up too late till 4 am talking (really? I”m supposed to tell my college age son in a dorn that he’s staying up too late?) and “they aren’t focused on their careers” and “if they are in the same school they will be too distracted” yada yada yada. Then she started on how my son was going to get her daughter pregnant and ruin her life, and how my kid (away at college, 3 hours away), was a moocher….
I love the GF. We’ve talked birth control, we’ve talked before when her mom had cancer (her mom freaked and threatened her daughter that she was going to get cancer (cervical) too if she kept dating my son), we’ve talked college plans, I’ve helped her apply…all things that her own mom won’t do. So to hear her mom attacking a) her own daughter, when she completely ignores how competent and adult she is, and then b) attacking my kid? That was….interesting. This woman makes her own daughter have cell phone tracking at all times, even at age 19.
Both the GF and my son called to apologize for the mom. They are good kids. They are learning to be adults. They never will if the mom doesn’t let her leave home!!!!
That all sounds really rough. I’m not into making armchair diagnoses, but a good book for the girlfriend to check out might be Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Some things you are saying sound awfully familiar to me…….
Thanks–the only book I could think to give her was the Lundy Bancroft “Why do they do that”, because she is really being emotionally abused. It’s not appropriate in this situation, however. I’ll check out your suggestion.
I forgot to post this on Friday.
I don’t want to be a bad Toast Hostess, so here it is:
CHICAGO TOAST MEETUP
Sunday February 15
Sevenish to tennish or wheneverish
Rogers Park Social
6920 North Glenwood Avenue
Red Line, Morse Stop
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chicago-Toasties/1…
I have a cigarette, but that's probably worse than candy, so ymmv. For me, the oral fixation need comes from being socially overstimulated, so its easier for me to have an acceptable reason to go stand by myself for 5 minutes. I also drink tons of water as a fidget, and so I don't feel weird about hiding in the bathroom since its basically justified by me drinking 3 litres of water a day.
I chew on straws, too. I keep a package in my bag so I can have something if I can't duck out for a smoke. Otherwise I destroy my nails and lips with anxiety chewing
also I have discovered (through the scientific method of forgetting them in the car) that cold Cadbury eggs are very much like hard boiled regular eggs, which provides much amusement to the recipients of the eggs.
I am so late to this and hope you're subscribing to comments; if not, I hope somehow my hugs/good vibes reach you.
I have felt all of these things you are feeling and it suuuucked. Summer 2012, I broke up with my bf for the 4th and final time. The relationship was tumultuous and messy, as was the breakup. I was a mess. And I was living with 5 other people at the time, all of whom were in relationships. Every outing we had, I was a third, fifth, or seventh wheel. I really wanted to talk to someone about how awful I was feeling, but with only a few people as my outlet, they got tired of hearing about it and started snapping at me to let it go.
And I wanted to, if only so I could stop feeling like a pest, but I'd been on-and-off with this guy for 16 months. He was manipulative and an asshole, arguably to the point of being emotionally abusive, and he did that thing where he convinced me that I was worthless and needed him because he was the only one who would ever want me.
How I got through that summer: I took a lot of "sick days" from work where I lay in bed and cried, or cried in public. I drank too much and too often. But I also reached out to friends who weren't in my vicinity, but who were single. I could only text/skype them, but it helped. Do you have any long-distance friends who are single? Or maybe (though I don't want to pretend this is easy) you could make new friends? I was lucky enough to meet someone who was going through his own horrible breakup, so we could be bitter together. It sounds like your current friends aren't being supportive and kind, and rather than try and make them change, it might be easier to look elsewhere for support.
As far as the lingering feelings, I think sorting things out in therapy was a really good step. I never did that, and for a year after my breakup I would panic any time someone tried to touch me, and it took me a long time to be like "maybe….this is related to how Owen treated me…" I know it doesn't seem like a comfort to be able to understand your feelings, but in time, if you can recognize an emotion and sit with it – just let it happen rather than trying to fight it off or ignore it – I hear that's a healthy way to get through what you're feeling.
Don't feel like there's a "time frame" for getting over someone. I still had nightmares about my ex years after the breakup. I'm still angry; I took up Krav Maga and I still sometimes imagine his face on the punching bag. You can still be angry or sad or miss him, but it will gradually get easier and not preoccupy you so much.
I'm sorry for the SUPER LONG comment, when I read what you wrote I was just like "I CAN RELATE SO MUCH, I WANT TO SHARE MY FEELINGS."
Oh i am late late late!! We found that the intensity of the frat boy behaviour decreased (linearly) as you increased distance from the Quarter. The quarter itself is a madhouse, with snotty boys shouting about tits and more beer than can possibly be good for anybody. Two blocks away it settles down some, and then gets more and more kid friendly and geezer friendly as you head out the parade routes. We had fun collecting ENOUGH necklaces, which was amusing, and which became the basis of the Best Pirate Treasure box EVAR once the sprog was large enough to appreciate them. Also we had so many that we could give them away to visitors, letting them have ENOUGH also. I am a huge fan of ENOUGH.
Beyond that, if you can, stick around for Ash Wednesday and have coffee and beignets at Cafe du Monde. Also walking around the Quarter in the quiet is serene and spooky and kind of wonderful.
I just want to c & p your whole text here because this is my life. I have also always been single and you are right on every count. I have one long-distance friend who's also permanently single and every time we skype it is tremendously awesome. Agreed that in the long-run your relationship friends (for the most part) will just have trouble understanding where you're coming from. And that doesn't necessarily make them bad friends (though it doesn't preclude them from it either), but it does mean you need to remember that about them and realize that it's better not to expect them to offer the support you need, because they really might not be able to, in that way.
Also, this: The good news is if you're single long enough, people eventually stop saying "Oh, you'll find someone!"
is completely true and awesome in its own way. There's an easing off of the pressure/awkwardness. I've especially felt this with my family. Like they've realized that this isn't a phase they need to push me out of; I'm alone a lot of the time and that's my personality and that's the way it is. It's acceptance of who you are and where you are in your life and it helps.
Totally late to respond but as someone permanently single I just want to send you internet hugs and say I very much understand the disconnect that can happen with relationship friends, and to say to not be hard on yourself about the way you're feeling about the whole thing. If they're making the situation more difficult for you, you have every right to be as mad/upset/disappointed as you want to about that. Again, hugs and support to you. 🙂
I feel like I'm following a trail of breadcrumbs. I came here from Thursday's link round up. Off to find Monday's!
Haha, you will not be able to miss it.