1,051 Comments

  1. ppyajunebug +11

    AGE OF ULTRON THREAD

    Spoilers, squee and rage go here. BEWARE THE REPLIES FOR THERE BE SPOILERS

    1. helvetica547 +15

      NATASHA ROMANOFF.
      I would like to sit Joss Whedon down and just ask him what the fck he thought he was doing with her storyline because that was some epic sh*t right there. Natasha went from a kickass woman to a prop for Bruce’s romantic interest – I’m not even going to touch that – and then literally ended up being a damsel in distress who needed to be saved, and then wanted to run away in the middle of the fight!? Like what the hell was that characterization, ugh, I will be forever bitter about that.

      2. ppyajunebug +12

        DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED WHEN THE FUCK DID NAT EVER SAY SHE WANTS KIDS WHERE THE ACTUAL FUCK DID THAT COME FROM YOU CAN BE A COUPLE WITHOUT THEM FOR FUCKS SAKE

      3. meanchelled +12

        oh my god, nat THROWING HERSELF at bruce, whose only expression in this movie was PANIC EYES

        WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        and the whole scene with ‘yup, you can’t biologically have children due to this traumatic injury done to you, i agree you are a monster, a mangled mess that only barely resembles a human.’ THANKS JOSS

        1. helvetica547 +12

          Natasha’s only role was to support Bruce’s emotional development and I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS.

        2. lilsebastian01 +1

          WTFFFFFFFF BEING STERILE DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MONSTER?????? Natasha has a right to her trauma but leaving uncontested the idea that not being able to have children makes a woman a monster (a literal monster, in the way that turning into an uncontrollable rageball is a monster) is UNCONSCIONABLE

      1. ppyajunebug +6

        CLINT HAS A WIFE AND THREE KIDS????

        JOSS HAVE YOU EVER READ A FUCKING HAWKEYE COMIC IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE

        1. meanchelled +16

          CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW NAT HAD MORE CHEMISTRY WITH CLINT’S WIFE AND KIDS THAN CLINT DID

          1. deleted182847 +6

            Naming the baby after her, it did seem like “we REALLY didn’t get the backstory.”

            I’m glad they established that they really are just close friends and I suppose it rings true that it wouldn’t work with Bruce, though I *would* ship it. I guess that relationship mainly happened…..last year, I guess? Like when Doctor Who states that this is the relationship these people have, and that relationship is perfectly fine, but…..wasn’t like that in the last episode.

            That said, she’s certainly poised to REALLY break out.

            And…Joss isn’t doing any more Marvel movies, so keep hope alive, everyone who’d be happy about that. And I’m ready to see the new team go to work. (I too opened my mouth to say “assemble”. Cheeky….cheeky Whedon)

        2. houblonchouffe +4

          (I have not ever read a Hawkeye comic and it even seemed weird to me, so ???)

    3. CleverManka +1

      Seeing it tonight with a group of friends and I’m really worried I’m not going to be able to hide my disgust and I don’t want to ruin it for everyone else but just UuuuuuuuuuuuGH DON’T WANNA.

    4. houblonchouffe +6

      I will say though, that we accidentally saw it in 3D, and there was a Very Special 3D Preview and I may have yelled “SHUT UP” to the screen when I figured out what it was, and the preview itself was worth the ticket price, that is all

      1. deleted182847 +5

        Oh, in a good way, you mean?

        That trailer “Pixels” came on and I don’t think I’d heard of it before and……it’s like a grimace slowly becoming becoming grimacier over the next two minutes (“…………..the fuuuuuck?”) (and no Star Wars trailer. Thanks, Sandler!)

        1. literarysara +2

          That is the perfect description. We saw that trailer and it was like Sweet! Wait…. no? NO!

      2. jwhittz +2

        Agreed. There was applause at the beginning and the end of that trailer in our theater.

    5. blunderbusst +6

      Guessing I’m going to be in the minority here by saying that I loved it unequivocally and have no issues with any of it. (Despite all my Toast-lurkings, my feminism detector thingie still does not detect a lot of, uh, things.)

      Particularly, though, I really enjoy dopey Thor.

      1. ppyajunebug +6

        TBH I loved about 90% of it. Most of my issues were with the Nat and Clint stuff coming out of left field. I thoroughly enjoyed everything else, especially when it involved Thor and Vision and CAP. SO MANY CAP FEELS.

      2. literarysara +8

        I had a great time even though I found a great many moments eyerollworthy or downright dumb. I kind of went in there expecting exactly that, so my overall response to its flaws has been:

        But that is why I am loving this thread. Thanks, smart ladies, for doing all the brutal and earned critique so ladies like me don’t have to!

        1. deleted182847 +4

          The “walking out the door”. That’s where they got me.

          And it IS funny. I thought it was drifting a bit…and then it kept getting funnier.

          “Okay, thanks, Andy, you, uh….stay here…we’ll see you in a couple years. Sorry about the arm.”

      3. jwhittz +5

        I can talk for hours about the crap I didn’t like or felt didn’t make sense (or, in Nat’s case, downright hated,) but I still laughed a bunch at most of the quips and enjoyed the action sequences and had plenty of moments with characters I love (Sam and Steve at the party! Rhodey showing up with Fury and Hill! All of the interaction between Thor and Vision!), so for me it was worth the ticket price and a good way to spend my afternoon off.

    6. meanchelled +14

      ugh overall the movie was fun once i accepted that joss literally didn’t read or touch or even glance at the notes on what happened in winter soldier, or iron man 3, or even the basic plot of agents of shield which is THERE IS NO SHIELD/THERE’S LIKE FIVE SHIELDS. suddenly all of his defensive interviews about ~his process~ and the MCU make a lot more sense bc this was jj abrams/trek levels of PHONED IT IN/I DO WHAT I WANT.

      ALSO EVERYONE SEEMED SO FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE IN THEIR OWN ROLES??? like scarjo and fluffalo were all, uhhhh this is romantic… right…..? and chris evans CHECKED OUT. hemsworth flew around a lot so no complaints with thor bc literally not enough to criticize??? the twins were bland? RDJ was a very aggressive shrug. and renner LOLOLOL ON HIS HETEROSEXUAL FARM WITH HIS NUCLEAR FAMILY, BOY, HE SURE LOOKED REAL AT HOME THERE. i mean, it’d be an interesting character choice IF HE WASN’T??? but that’s giving everyone too much credit

      *exception i think bettany and spader did amaaaaaazing work as the MCU’s sexy robots

    7. deleted7410012 +5

      i haven’t seen it yet but i spoil myself all the time. and what i’m learning is pretty much…confirming what i feared would happen.

      ughhhhhhhhhh joss whedon why are you the worst? why is everyone so far up his butt? all the reviews i’ve read—even the negative ones—are praising him.

    8. Angelan_ +2

      it’s about AI problems, so I will just be sitting there comparing it negatively to Person of Interest, the light of my life, to which nothing will ever measure up ;).

      1. HelenDamnation

        Person of Interest S3 is just showing in the UK and OH MY GOD ROOT AND SHAW. Like, shh, don’t tell me. But also ROOT AND SHAW.

    9. deleted182847 +1

      Ooh, thanks for having this here! I just got home from the theater.

    10. rolotomassi5 +7

      I spent the entire movie thinking Spader was Bryan Cranston.

      The Nat/Bruce stuff didn’t bug me (sorry, Toast folks). The thing that annoyed me is I now am 100% certain I want to see a movie centered around each of them before I see a third Thor movie or another Iron Man (I love Cap please keep making those). Her flashbacks/fears/memories* made no sense because we still know next to nothing about her after all this time. Hulk’s anger issues and everything else also feel like an afterthought because they have to always shoehorn them into Avengers movies. Also, I was okay with the Hawkeye family. It wasn’t much, but it was something and I always love seeing Lindsay Weir.

      Furthermore, Ant-Man looks like it’s going to be hilarious.

      *Seriously? You bring in Julie Delpy for about 1 minute of screen time? Fuck you, Marvel. Don’t waste Julie Delpy like that!!!

      1. roisindubh211 +3

        I did really enjoy the Nat/Bruce stuff, mostly because it was a lot of “will he show he is as brave as she is?” because they’ve both been through a lot, and while Natasha has pushed through it and reached a place that she is comfortable and can trust herself and others, Bruce still does not have faith in his own future no matter how many times we see him hulk out and *not* wreck things/hurt people.

        The end made me want to find some fanfic of Nat and Steve hanging out and being buds while training the team – I feel like they’d be good platonic pals.

  2. rookstone +11

    Whatcha reading this week, Toasties? Any good book recommendations? Stuff that is happy and awesome and most certainly doesn’t have a creepy predatory protagonist would be really nice right about now.

    My re-read of A Pirate’s Love by Johanna Lindsey continues and it’s gotten really dark, really fast. (Believe the Trigger Warning at the top of that recap. Believe it.) Like the “hero” of this supposed romance novel just showed up in this chapter and now he’s assaulting the heroine. The worst part is that I genuinely like and respect Lindsey as an author. I can see her talent shining through. It makes the whole thing feel like this weird betrayal, y’know? A bad writer writing a bad, rape-y novel would seem like par for the course. But this…

    Why, Johanna Lindsey? Why?

    Maybe I should’ve done a re-read of Misty of Chincoteague instead. Ponies won’t let me down.

    1. ramina +3

      Oh man, I remember my mom’s first romance book was Lindsey’s Warrior Woman. She had two copies of it because the dog ate one partially.

      1. OliviaPJones +1

        Oh my god, for some reason I loved Warrior Woman and Once a Princess way, way too much as a preteen and teen.

    2. houblonchouffe +21

      I have just started, for the first time ever, the His Dark Materials trilogy and it is so so so good

      2. SmrtCookie +4

        Awwwwwww. I’m so jealous. I re-read it every few years, I think I’m about due.

    3. craneyourneck +3

      Absolutely loving Heidi Julavits’s The Folded Clock.

      Am about 100 pages into Atticus Lish’s Preparation for the Next Life, which is sharp and frighteningly realistic.

    4. projectbeks +18

      I’m reading Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy for the first time and probably terrifying fellow commuters with all my giggles. Highly recommend!

        1. irishbreakfasttime +9

          RIGHT? I wish I could read it for the first time. Especially because I read it pretty young, before I’d read much sci-fi that takes itself seriously, so there wasn’t the feeling of “oh, thank you for blowing up that trope so hilariously.”

          1. houblonchouffe +8

            Ditto, I think I was 11 the first time I read it, and a lot of the jokes went over my head (obviously) but it has stuck with me for keeps. I actually used the opening few paragraphs as an audition piece a couple of weeks ago. 🙂

          2. Xolandra +3

            You can! Kind of. It is based on an old BBC radio play; find that, and it is like reading the Guide for the first time all over again, because funny voices (and there were changes to the text to accomodate the novel format).

            For example, never ever ever did I think the phrase “He’s just some guy, you know?” could be as hilarious as it now obviously is.

    5. sorrycassandra +7

      MY KINDLE DIED. It is no more. (tear)

      While I look into replacing it (translation: psych myself up to spend some money), I am raiding my stash of old, beloved mystery paperbacks and trying to decide between Poirot, Lord Peter Wimsey, and Brother Cadfael as sleuths.

      1. Bryn (Plus Others) +2

        All of those are excellent but very different! Do you know Pat McIntosh? (Her books I mean, not the person.)

      3. jenavira +15

        Obviously the answer is some sort of contrived time-travel scenario in which both Poirot and Lord Peter end up in twelfth-century Wales to solve crime. A linguistic comedy of errors ensues. (Harriet rolls her eyes at them and makes herself understood in Latin.)

        1. sorrycassandra +5

          Please tell me you write fanfic somewhere on the Internet, because I will read the hell out of it.

          1. jenavira +5

            …I do, but I have seriously never considered writing something like this. Now, though, I might have to.

          2. Es_Petal +2

            Please link when you do! I have read all the Lord Peter section on AO3 too many times.

      4. dakimel +5

        Do you have a smartphone? I put the kindle app on mine ages ago, thinking it would be handy for those “ten minutes in line” kind of things so I wasn’t carrying the kindle itself everywhere. I found myself totally ignoring my kindle after a few days, in favor of reading on my phone. I was surprised at how quickly I started to prefer it.

    6. cait0716 +5

      I just finished The Three-Body Problem, which I liked a lot more than I expected to. It wanders a bit, but it ultimately tackled some really interesting questions. Enough that I gladly suspended my disbelief for some of the more fantastical things.

      And I just dove back into The Vorkosigan Series. I picked up Cetaganda this morning and am already remembering how much I love Bujold. I’m glad I have so much of this series left.

      2. viviennestreet +1

        (1/2) AHH I read the Three-Body Problem not too long ago and I disliked it more than I expected to! I think I was off-balance by the tone shifts (from purple revolutionary prose, to weird atmospheric horror, to the aliens’ almost Bradburyesque quest to save themselves). Also, based on the sort of things people were saying about it, I was expecting something harder/crunchier like the Quantum Thief–something with complex worldbuilding and dizzying technological speculation.

        (The toast is telling me that my comment is too long, though that is absolute garbage, I’ve seen longer comments, so I’m splitting it up.)

        1. viviennestreet +1

          (2/2) This…was not it. Even the Trisolarans—who apparently have the ability to unfold a proton from eleven dimensions to two and sketch a supercomputer on it—had a civilization that was technologically bare. Why are actual Trisolarans doing the menial job of monitoring the stations, and not a computer program or AI? Why do they need to kill their older members—couldn’t they make robots to care for them?

          A lot of people do like the book, and I feel like I’m missing something. I’m probably looking at it in the wrong context (considering that I thought I was going to be reading a different kind of book), but I don’t know what the right one is.

          I love the Vorkosigan series, though. I envy you, getting to read it for the first time!

          1. cait0716 +1

            I went in with super low expectations. I was more interested in seeing what was popular in China and how that compared to what was popular here than the actual story. So although I was thrown off by the game and wondering how Trisolaris ever managed to evolve LIFE let alone a civilization advanced enough to invent interstellar travel, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I ended up liking Ye (despite all the awful things she does) and the whole human side of things.

            (Also are you using IE? Different browsers put different limits on comment length in IntenseDebate)

          2. viviennestreet +1

            You caught me! Yes, my office imposes an outdated version of IE on us. Thanks!

    7. robotneedslove +7

      MISTY OF CHINCOTEAGUE

      Last year I re-read all of the Anne series. God I love re-reading childhood favourites.

      I’m reading All My Puny Sorrows. Not recommended for those seeking a happy read.

      1. rookstone +1

        I did a big Anne re-read a couple of months back, too. It was SO wonderful. Did not disappoint.

      2. cait0716 +1

        I really want to re-read Anne. It’s been so long. But my to-read list is already almost more than I can handle. Sigh. They’re shortish, right?

        1. aravisthequeen +5

          They’re shortish and go pretty quickly! And are available online at Gutenberg Canada for phone and tablet reading!

        2. isabellebleu +1

          It’s so worth re-reading the Anne books as an adult! I rip through them almost every summer, usually while sitting in a park under a tree. If you want to abridge a little, you could just read the first three & the fifth (Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea, Anne of the Island and Anne’s House of Dreams). In some ways that’ll give you the full flower of the series.

      3. moxycrimefighter +10

        I’m currently re-reading “Ella Enchanted,” which I was obsessed with in elementary/middle school. Still good!

      4. SwitchingGenres +2

        I just read All My Puny Sorrows. I was mixed about it. What do you think so far?

        1. isabellebleu +1

          Hello! Jumping in to say that my take from it wasn’t as enthusiastic as I’d hoped, either. I’ve really loved Toews’ past novels. Maybe I was expecting more of the kind of wry, heartfelt jauntiness from this book due to my reads of her past books? Also, I think that my bookseller frankly spoiled it a bit by warning me at point of purchase that his wife had wept reams of tears while reading the book; it set my expectations in a spot where I didn’t arrive. I was quite cross with him for it.

    8. rangiferina +4

      I just finished The Bees by Laline Paull, and it was pretty great! What a totally foreign and fully realized world/society. A lot of reviews seem to describe it as “Watership Down meets The Handmaid’s Tale, but with bees” and… yeah, that’s pretty accurate. 🙂

      3. celery +2

        I spent a minute going “How would those two books possibly combine,” then went, “I MUST READ IT NOW.”

    9. irishbreakfasttime +3

      I am slowly approaching the end of The Farseer Trilogy. I’m torn between excitement at wrapping up the story, which I like a lot, and knowing there’s a lot of introspective dwelling in Fitz’s tortured mind to get through before I get there.

      I feel like the author set herself up with the impossible task of “write about a character who’s defined by his terrible past, cut off from a lot of people due to said past, has some psychic abilities, and is currently on a solitary quest, and have ANYTHING AT ALL happen outside his mind.” I dunno, it was recommended to me, but it’s proving that fantasy epics are not really my thing. (me: “What editor let this be 700 pages long?!” him: “You and your literary fiction! It’s SUPPOSED to be 700 pages long!”)

      1. m98widow +2

        I love all of the books set in that world but holy shit are they heavy. And in a way where you just want to shake the main characters all the time and give them the “it’s not your fault” line from Good Will Hunting all the time.

        1. irishbreakfasttime +2

          the world is so cool, I like learning about how the magic works and the history/politics of the Duchies. But yeah, I just want to tell the narrator “I know, buddy, I was there when that thing happened to you. And you recapped it once already. I know you’re still thinking about it, it was a really big deal, but I’m your reader, not your therapist.”

      2. viviennestreet +3

        Ah, yeah. Fitz is a really difficult protag to deal with. I somehow ended up reading The Farseer, Liveship Traders, and Tawny Fool (is that right?) trilogies. Which, wow. I was in middle school and had a lot of time on my hands, I guess? I’m intermittently curious about revisiting them because some of the worldbuilding was really cool, but the length and Fitz are deterrents.

        I do like me some epic fantasy on occasion, but I am very choosy. There are so many ways it can go wrong.

        1. MilesofMountain +1

          I definitely remember liking the early books in that series better than the last ones. I’ve really started to appreciate the Liveship Traders books in retrospect. I’m not sure I want to do a reread because I was really underwhelmed by her later series and I’m slightly worried my memory is just glossing over the less-good parts of her earlier writing and I wouldn’t actually like it as much if I reread it.

          1. Angelan_ +1

            I read them as a teenager and they were EVERYTHING to me. She just put a new one out which was…not good. Now I wonder if they were always terrible and I just didn’t realise. Don’t want to ruin the memories though!

          2. irishbreakfasttime +1

            ha! I’m reading them because my partner just unpacked his boxes of beloved childhood books, and admitted that most of them were pulp fantasy that he bought solely because there’s a dragon on the cover. but he was super excited to get me to read these and re-read them himself. So we’ll see how that re-read goes 🙂

    10. Bryn (Plus Others) +3

      We are rereading _Hild_ because it has been a year so why not? It is still amazing.

      Also we are rereading Patricia McKillip’s Riddlemaster trilogy which is not so amazing to me now as it was when my body was 17 but it is still very good and I’m enjoying it. 🙂 It is from the 1970s so it is awfully a lot about the men but the 2nd book is all the women going and doing stuff which is nice.

      And we have just started _Foxglove Summer_ by Ben Aaronovitch which is the 5th in his series about a London cop dealing with magic, and it is VERY funny. We actually had to quit reading last night before bed because we were laughing too much to get sleepy.

    11. aqueousmedium +3

      I just finished Genevieve Valentine’s new book Persona and the new Seanan McGuire Incryptid novel (Pocket Apocalypse). Both were fun but the Incryptid novels are much more lighthearted – ballroom dancing cryptozoologists, religious talking mice, nerdy-yet-heavily armed herpetologists etc.

      1. HelenDamnation +1

        I adore Seanan MacGuire. My favourite is Indexing; have you read that one?

    12. StillT +4

      I’ve been working through both Bad Feminist and Americanah and am finally picking up momentum and starting to cruise through more than just a page or two of them at a time. Enjoying both of them so far!

    13. SwitchingGenres +3

      H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald. It’s a grief memoir about a woman whose father dies, and she starts to deal with her pain by buying and training a goshawk (she’s a falconer, among other things). It also goes into T.H. White’s life a bit, because he wrote a book about training a goshawk. It’s philosophical and raw and amazing.

      1. Bryn (Plus Others) +2

        I saw the review of that in the New Yorker and it looked amazing, I am glad to have Toast confirmation!

    14. RoseCamelia +5

      Rocket Man by our own Dakimel (Melanie Greene)! Get your own copy. Mine is autographed by the author.

    15. notebook-keeper +5

      I’m finally reading An Untamed State and it’s SO GOOD but also so hard to read. I want to recommend it to everyone but with a million trigger warnings.

    16. MilesofMountain +2

      I had the same problem with the first book of Sarah MacLean’s The Rules of Scoundrels series. A Rogue By Any Other Name I think it was? The book starts off with the “hero” kidnapping the heroine, who was his childhood best friend, and forcing her into marriage by seducing her so she’s “ruined” and has no other option and then later on we’re just supposed to accept it’s ok because the heroine admits he’s hot. If I hadn’t heard over and over about how great the series was, I wouldn’t have finished the book let alone read the other ones which really were great. At least (spoiler, I guess) one of the other heroines in the later books punches him in the face.

      I’m currently reading The Thirteenth Tale, which is wonderfully gothic and melodramatic and I’m so into it.

      1. dakimel +1

        Have you read MacLean’s Never Judge a Lady by Her Cover? The whole dynamic there of how he treats her in her different guises is… weird.

        But in the past couple of weeks I’ve been reading some of Madeline Hunter’s Medieval Series, so all of the weird rapey things fiction guys in the 1800s do suddenly seem tame by comparison. It’s all “I own you and I have the right to force you” or “you aren’t standing within 20 feet of a father, brother, or husband, you slut, so get that shift off – my phallus requires your attention” or whatever.

    17. viviennestreet +7

      I have spent the last several weeks obsessed with Naomi Novik’s Temeraire series. It’s to the point that I’m trying to write fanfiction about it, and this never happens. At least, it’s never gotten this far…

      1. jenavira +3

        EEEEEEEEE TEMERAIRE

        I badly need to reread the series before the last book comes out. (Never before have I been so happy for an author to drop a series for a stand-alone novel, because I just don’t want it to end.)

        1. viviennestreet +3

          OH MY GOD yes, I don’t want it to ever end. It’s weird, because I tried reading the series when I was in high school and was pretty ehh about every book but the first, but rereading it now I love it all to death. How was I bored with social justice for dragons? Who even was I?

      2. dakimel +1

        LOVE that series. Found them cause they’re read by my favorite audiobook narrator (Simon Vance) & sometimes I just sink into daydreams about that world.

    18. jenavira +5

      I finished Hild last week and I…didn’t love it as much as everyone else seems to? It was pretty good, it just didn’t grab ahold of me. *shrug*

      Last night I finished God’s War by Kameron Hurley and if you like bisexual butch women beating the shit out of pretty much everyone they meet and bleeding all over everything and refusing to acknowledge their own emotions, you should read this book right now. It has two sequels. I am thrilled.

      This morning I started Alaya Dawn Johnson’s The Summer Prince and twenty pages in I already love it with a desperate love; her post-apocalyptic rebuilt Brazil is so wonderfully rendered. (May is for WisCon reading; after this I need to read Red Mars, because I feel guilty not having read something by both the GOH, and The Girl in the Road which won the Tiptree (I read My Real Children when it came out, because Jo Walton) and then probably all the books I brought home from WisCon last year so I feel less guilty about bringing more books home this year.)

    19. Passing_Strange +5

      I have just started Octavia’s Brood, which is a sci-fi anthology written by people in different social justice movements, and I have high hopes.

      And I am looking forward to getting a copy of SuperMutant Magic Academy by Jillian Tamaki. I have not read many of her webcomics, so most of it will be new to me, and I really enjoyed This One Summer.

    20. OliviaPJones +3

      Station Eleven hadn’t downloaded properly to my kindle app so I started reading the first Phryne Fisher book and it’s a fluffy good time. I’ll read Station Eleven next because lots of people I respect think it’s terrific (although I must confess to being nervous because lots of people I respect also loved Night Circus, which I found to be laughably awful).

        1. OliviaPJones +2

          Oh my god, where have you BEEN all my life? I do not understand why people think that book is so good! I DO NOT GET IT.

          1. SwitchingGenres +1

            Agree! I tend to love circus stuff too, so had high hopes. But, no. Just so bad.

      2. YoungLeafedJune +3

        I really liked Station Eleven and really didn’t like Night Circus so have hope.

      3. rolotomassi5 +5

        Station Eleven is amazing. It’s like A Visit From The Goon Squad with all of the fat trimmed off and set in post-Apocalyptic Canada/USA.

    21. rolotomassi5 +5

      We. Very strange dystopian/utopian novel. Written in 1920, which is kind of amazing.

      Just finished up The Rehearsal. I liked it a lot, even though it took me a while to realize quite what was happening and what might not have been happening with regard to the saxophone teacher and her convoluted conversations.

      1. jenavira +4

        I love We! I recommended it a couple of months ago to a high-school teacher who wanted more science fiction for her lit classes. “It’s better than 1984,” I told her, “the characters are actual people.”

    22. DonutFemme +7

      I just picked up Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell, and I already know it’s going to appeal to the tiny fanfiction shipper hidden deep within my very convincing adult skin-suit.

    23. Es_Petal +1

      Misty and Stormy (Misty’s foal) are waiting on my bookshelf for me to finish the book I’m in, after they got mentioned on here the other day.

    24. cardiganrippers +1

      I got my hands on a preview copy of the new Naomi Novik YA fantasy, “Uprooted.” Can’t wait to get off work and READ!

  3. aravisthequeen +15

    You guys we LIVED through ANOTHER WEEK.

    Who wants to talk classic lit? Thanks to the recommendations last week I have been perusing Project Gutenberg at work this week and I read Little Men and I have a terrible confession to make. I….hated it. I adored Little Women, and you will not find a bigger fan of 19th-century semi-didactic children’s literature than me–I wrote an article on the Katy books, for heaven’s sake–but the sheer forced adorability of Little Men defeated me. I think it was the baby talk that did me in. YOU GUYS, I TRIED.

    What else are you reading? I am stubbornly trying to finish The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray, and really really not enjoying it at all. The first two Gemma Doyle books were OK, not great, and I figured I may as well finish it, but it’s such slow going because it reads like the editor just gave up. After this I have Deerskin out from the library (thanks to a Toastie recommendation) and I’m listening to the audio version of Code Name Verity, which is OUTSTANDING and GOUGINGLY AWFUL to listen to at the same time. (Because it’s so good, you understand.) I’m going to cry like a child while listening to it, I just know it.

    1. winterbymorning +6

      I still haven’t gotten over “Teddy Bhaer” and Daisy was so unbelievably irritating.

    2. safvn +1

      I honestly didn’t even know Little Men was a thing! I guess it’s not as well-known because it’s not as good?

      I just finished reading Etta and Otto and Russell and James, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. I can honestly say I’ve never read a book like it. It is truly astonishing. I’m trying to think of what else to say about it but still kind of reeling.

      (edited to attempt to fix my link, but I can’t figure it out, so, just, definitely look it up!)

      1. SmrtCookie +4

        And yes, Code Name Verity will make you cry like a wee babe. As will Wein’s next novel, Rose Under Fire.

        1. aravisthequeen +1

          Oh, I’ve read them both already and they’re wrenching, I meant the audio book is new to me and utterly fantastic.

          1. SmrtCookie +1

            I think the audiobook would gut me… Google just told me a new one came out sometime this year. Have you read it yet??

    4. thedaela +9

      It’s been so long since I read Little Men, but the two big takeaways for me were

      – Bhaer “punishing” Nat by telling Nat to punish him…which my mind always went in circles about…because I had mixed feelings about children being made to feel responsible for the suffering of adults…but on the other hand it kinda blew my mind

      – Nan’s aspirations of becoming a doctor being treated very seriously

      But now that Daisy has been mentioned in the comments, yes, I’m recalling all of Alcott’s angels.

      2. lilah80 +13

        I adored Little Men as a child, mainly because of the scene where Nan and Daisy put on a full tea. TINY BAKING TINS. TINY CHILD-SIZED OVENS. TRICKED OUT PLAYROOM OF MY DREAMS.

        But Louisa May did poor Dan Kean so wrong in the sequel, man. HOW COME HE HAD TO DIE TRAGICALLY IN MANFUL SILENCE, HUH? BECAUSE OF HIS “LOW BIRTH” AND “BAD PARENTAGE” AND HIS “KEEN, DARK FACE”? IS THIS SOME EUGENICS BULLSHIT?

        1. huntress wizard +12

          UGH. I loved Little Men as a kid despite its many issues, but Jo’s Boys makes me angry just thinking about it. The whole “Bess is so fucking good and clean and pure and can’t be tainted by swarthy Dan” business is beyond gross.

          On the other hand, Louisa was dying agonizingly painfully of mercury poisoning and had lost basically every loved one by the time she wrote it, so I can see where the book would get angry and dark. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.

        2. Nausikaa +2

          But do you remember why they put on a full tea? Because Nan wants to play football but she can’t because she’s a girl, so as a consolation prize they give her some sort of proto-Easy-Bake-Oven so she can make tea for the boys when they come in all hungry from playing football. I think, anyway. It’s been a long time since I read that book.

    5. Nausikaa +5

      I would like to talk classic lit! I just finished Can You Forgive Her by Trollope, which is a complete mindfuck of a book and took me a full year to read because I put it down every time it stressed me out. I don’t know what book Trollope thought he was writing, but he was actually writing Tess of the D’Urbervilles and he didn’t know it. SPOILERS: This poor woman was engaged to her cousin but broke up with him for cheating on her. Then she got engaged to a morally impeachable mansplaining tool and breaks up with him for always being in the right and making all her decisions for her and basically just not being someone she wants to be married to, although she does love him. Then everyone including her decides she is a terrible person for having broken two engagements. And the thing is, up until about two-thirds of the way through the book, Trollope seems to support her decision and agree that Fiance #2 is totally the sort of person you would resent and not want to marry, even though he’s a good, responsible, upstanding member of society. AND THEN SHE TOTALLY GETS MARRIED OFF TO HIM IN THE END ANYWAY, mainly because she tries to say no and he just steamrollers over that and tells her that it’s her duty to marry him. And then she has to put up with everyone saying “I told you so.” But the weird thing is that Trollope is clearly on her side the whole way. It’s structured like a standard marriage-plot novel where you’re supposed to root for the marriage to happen, but everything in the book tells you it’s a horror story. It’s like Jane Eyre that way, or Rebecca, and it’s really disturbing me. Is there anyone here who’s read it?

      1. Either_Ada +2

        This is why I love Victorian sensation novels. They are messy knots of drama, full of untied loose ends and melodramatic tragic endings that often just make no goddamned sense–but they don’t let you feel the pleasure of a pat, happy ending and then put the book aside. YMMV, but they leave me uncomfortable–maybe even indignant on behalf of the protagonist. I want to engage in fisticuffs with the next mansplaining tool I find, maybe. I feel like tearing down the patriarchy more after reading Can You Forgive Her than after Jane Eyre (though maybe not Villette or Shirley).

        1. Nausikaa +2

          Yes! I’m so happy there’s another person out there who’s read this book and feels the same way about it I do. But what confuses me is that I feel like at least half of Trollope wants to tear town the patriarchy too, only he doesn’t know it.

          Also, Plantagenet Palliser is asexual and Kate is gay, yes? Like, this is made very clear? Just confirming.

          1. Either_Ada +2

            Yeah, Trollope–he’s conflicted. I’ve read some of his less sensational stuff (a random sampling of Barchester Chronicles, e.g.), and his mixed feeling are more… mixed. But I would imagine he had little time for introspection and fully-realized ideology in writing. How many novels did he write? 1 billion?

            And, no kidding! I never considered Plantagenet Palliser’s inner life for more than a half a second, but Kate is gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. I think it’s about as clear as a book from this era would ever say.

          2. Nausikaa +1

            Everyone knows she’s gay, too. Everyone’s like, yeeeaaah, Kate’s really not going to get married, and when she inherits money everyone breathes a huge sigh of relief because now she doesn’t have to. And then she’s stressed out when she has to be a bridesmaid, because her bridesmaid dress and all the trappings that come with it are way too feminine for her. This book makes me seriously skeptical about the whole idea that homosexuality in the Victorian era was considered a behavior rather than an identity.

            Trollope is so good at female characters; I think that’s why it was so extra frustrating to watch him slap Alice with an unhappy ending and not admit that it was one. This is the first Palliser book I’ve read; I love the Barsetshire books, especially the last three, but until now all my attempts to tackle the Pallisers have failed. Should I keep going?

    6. Bryn (Plus Others) +7

      Yay classic lit! Little Men is terrible, yes. I bet Alcott gritted her teeth through every word and was thinking the whole time ‘They WANT sentimental nonsense? I’ll give them EVEN MORE of it!’

      (I love Little Women too and some of the others even more, like Jack & Jill, and Eight Cousins. But they are what they are!)

      How are you on Charlotte Yonge?

      1. Nausikaa +1

        An Old-Fashioned Girl is my favorite. I love Charlotte M. Yonge! But now I’m realizing it’s been ages since I’ve read any; I was trying to think of specific details from her books, and all I’m coming up with is Ethel not being allowed to have glasses because they’re not womanly (?!)

        1. thedaela +1

          I remember reading An Old-Fashioned Girl and getting to the part where Fanny talks about girls drinking belladonna to make their eyes bright????

          And one girl drinking arsenic for her complexion.

          It was so dark.

          1. waitressinlove +1

            And “painting your face” makes you a total Jezebel bad girl. That book aged strangely.

      2. lilah80 +3

        I too loved An Old-Fashioned Girl, and bought into the Polly/Tom relationship as a kid. But my bestie will go white with rage if you bring up Polly/Tom to her, because Polly is amazing and Tom is a fuckup. Which I can’t really dispute, but I guess my fondness for him lingers.

    7. SwitchingGenres +2

      Have you read Anna Karenina? That’s some impressive classic lit right there. I always end up reading Moby Dick on PG–it never gets old.

    8. lassotabasco +2

      I never knew about Little Men, and now that I have, I will stay away.

      I’ve been reading Great Expectations at work on Project Gutenberg and I love it! It’s my first Dickens experience, which is strange because I LOVE Victorian fiction, and I’m honestly surprised at how funny it is. I actually have laughed out loud several times.

      1. Beakses +1

        I listened to the Pickwick Papers and found the same thing- it was actually really funny (I think for me it was easier to get the jokes when they were read aloud?) Anyway, Debra Lynn’s version on Librivox is a good listen (and free!).

    9. 2for1cheesecake +3

      Yeah, no. Little Men felt like LMA was FORCED AT GUNPOINT to write it, like musicians doing mediocre albums to get out of contracts. So disappointing.

    10. perianwen +1

      I finished A Casual Vacancy this week, and am zooming through The Cuckoo’s Calling (based on the recommendation of a Toastie!). It’s been quite entertaining. A couple of times I’ve raised my eyebrows and then remembered it’s an adult book this time!

      1. lilah80 +1

        I preferred The Cuckoo’s Calling and The Silkworm to A Casual Vacancy, maybe because I was unprepared for the sheer tragedy of ACV.

      2. waitressinlove +2

        I finished The Cuckoo’s Calling and The Silkworm just last week, and they were very solid. JKR is so good at weaving her plots that I’m sort of surprised that she didn’t start out with mystery novels.

    11. Ganymede +4

      Get yourself some Mrs Gaskell. Especially “North And South”. I also love “Wives and Daughters” which alas is unfinished but only just. You can Add Your Own Ending.

    12. OliviaPJones +9

      I liked Little Men when I was the age of the characters in it.

      But I don’t get all the hate, I guess. It fits very well in with Eight Cousins and An Old Fashioned Girl–kids learn lessons from wise mentors, get into scrapes and form life-long friendships. Romances bud. Did you know there’s a sequel to Little Men, even, and she kills someone off who you might expect not to die?

      Also, Little Men is the book in which Meg’s husband dies, and I thought that Daisy and Demi having to cope with John’s death was touching and not at all schlocky. Guess I’m alone, though. 🙁

      1. thedaela +2

        I remember getting lost in a haze after the death in Jo’s Boys. One of the first books that I had a hard time returning to life after.

    13. femaelstrom +3

      I’m currently reading a book called The Golem and the Jinni. I bought it in a train station when I missed a train and had an hour to kill, and I’m hella into Jewish mythology, and it just LOOKED like a satisfying, thick book that I could really get into. And while it is a quick read, and it’s kept me interested, the author made a mistake near the beginning that made me FURIOUS. She pluralized “bar mitzvah” as “bar mitzvot” – it’s “bnei mitzvah.” It’s a tiny thing that I wouldn’t even have known a few months ago, but it’s kind of…ruined the book for me? Like, it’s such an easy thing to just google “plural of bar mitzvah.” And the book otherwise seems pretty thoroughly researched, so it strikes me as especially weird. It just made me, like…question how committed she was to Sparkle Motion, er, the communities and cultures where she set her story.

      Anyone else read it? Thoughts?

      1. Miss B

        I read it while I was travelling this past winter, and I loved it. There were a few little glitches occasionally (like the messed up plural you pointed out), but they didn’t actually bother me even a little, and I really enjoyed the book. It all came together in a very satisfying way (for me). But, it isn’t some kind of be-all-end-all most wonderfullest book of all time, either, so I wouldn’t try to talk you into digging it more than you do. (I mean, there are books I would _definitely_ attempt that for, but this was just…a very enjoyable book. For me.) I’m sorry it bummed you out (or, at least, that one error bummed you out enough to be bummed out about the book as a whole — which is something I also totally understand, because that kind of thing happens for me, too.)

    14. Trish

      I’m re-reading The Sweet Far Thing right now and I agree with you – I like to compare it to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, as in “It would be better if there were only half as many pages”. I really liked the books when I was 17, but they’re just not doing it for me anymore.

    15. Dharmatic +1

      I’m reading a ton of stuff at once, just because my mood changes so often. So here goes:

      Alice Munro’s short stories. So good, usually, but also pretty heartbreaking because life.
      Three by Annie Dillard – Pilgrim at Tinker’s Creek, An American Childhood, and The Writing Life. I’m rereading these after a 20-odd year hiatus, and her writing is just the bomb.
      The Diamond Sutra and the Heart Sutra, in the translation by Conze. Kind of a mindfuck, but in a good way.
      The Collected Works of Shirley Jackson, in the Library of America edition. I’m reading the short stories now, and saving the novels for later.

      I would actually love to talk about Munro’s short stories – what do you all think of them? Does it stand up to the hype, or is it EVEN BETTER?

    16. tessabarber +2

      pretty sure an editor did just give up on that libba bray book from what I’ve read about her trouble getting it finished. it’s too bad because I do like the first 2 books.

  4. ramina +50

    Rabbit rabbit! Happy #spacewitch day, Toasties!

    I’m particularly excited because after TWO AND A HALF YEARS at my current company and pretending to be as normal as possible, I have gotten the explicit okay to dye my hair pink again! It’s been years since I was fully pink but I am so happy. I’ve been ombre-dying the tips, slowly moving higher each time I re-dye, and I got the okay last week. So this weekend, the pink is BACK. Toasties with odd-colored hair, let me see you!

    (I also spent most of my lunch break yesterday trying not to cry because my office BFF left to go back to South Carolina. I was able to see her off but not without crying a whole shitload.)

    edit: this is my hair’s current state, it will be full pink soon!

    4. cosetthetable +5

      Awww, it’s been ages since my hair was fire-truck-red the way it’s supposed to be. Good job getting the go-ahead!!!

    5. testingwithfire +3

      So fetching!!

      I have some purple hair mascara that I swear I’m going to wear… somehow it never happens though. Maybe I’ll do it for the upcoming Boston AIDS walk.

    6. logicbutton +3

      Oh man, the big version of this picture looks even better than the one you had on Twitter!

      Happy #SpaceWitch Day!

    7. laurenipsum +8

      I am at the salon right now and am considering doing something other than plain ol’ highlights for the first time ever. My stylist is really good at creative color and i told her I’m feeling more adventurous than I ever have and her eyes got real big. We’ll see what happens …

        1. laurenipsum +4

          Well, it’s not as dramatic as y’all’s, but this is my first non-natural color ever, so … baby steps?

          UGH WHY NOT WORKING, DROPBOX Screw you Dropbox, I’ll use imgur

    8. jenavira +4

      I am going to put a purple stripe in my hair this summer. I am I am I am.

      1. sarah_jay +2

        I’m thinking it’s time for me to put purple in the bottom layers again! I am job hunting, but as long as I keep my hair down, it shouldn’t be noticeable.

      1. ramina +3

        It’s a Toastie Twitter thing of which the origins I am not QUITE certain but I think it marks a year of everyone following each other?

    10. Rachel8489 +1

      JEALOUS. I was thinking about putting some purple in my hair (and talked to Toasties about it!) but I got laid off right when I had decided I wanted to do it and now I have to wait because a) $$$ and b) don’t know what kind of office I’ll be in next.

      1. ramina +2

        noooooooooooo that is what I am/was afraid of but then someone from corporate came to the health and safety meeting with purple and red hair so I figured I was in the clear!

          1. ramina +4

            I KNOW RIGHT??? I walked into our HSSE meeting to see that someone over in Corporate has dark purple and red hair, I made a :O face, and then the head of HR walked past and was like “go for it!”

            So I figure if I have her explicit permission, nobody’s gonna give me too much crap.

        2. Rachel8489 +1

          I’m basically planning to make it work wherever I work next? Like screw it! I want some purple hair!

          But the money thing does hold me back right now. I can’t spend a bunch of money on my hair while I’m unemployed.

    12. femaelstrom +10

      Ahhh, you look amazing! I’m so happy for you!

      I haven’t had odd-colored hair since college. I miss it. In general, I miss being able to change my physical appearance to code as queer. The Heterosexuals keep mistaking me for one of them, despite my short hair and nose ring 🙁

      Taken in 2012:

    13. Rianne +1

      Your pink is great!

      I’m blue right now and it is the Best Thing.
      I am not currently in a place where hair colour is at all a job concern, but if I start looking for further employment my plan is to keep the blue, and just say first thing that I’ll keep the hair if I can but I would rather have a job than blue hair and if necessary it can be gone super fast.

  5. katenepveu +22

    (carefully averts eyes from Ultron spoiler thread)

    Dear Toasties,

    As I mentioned last week, I run Con or Bust, which helps fans of color/non-white fans go to SFF conventions, as part of a 501(c)(3) organization (The Carl Brandon Society). The annual online auction ends this Sunday; I’m going to be putting up a post on the website in a little bit highlighting some awesome things, but in the meantime you can browse the Google Docs index, sort it by number of bids or high bid, and so forth; or check out Jaymee Goh’s highlighting of various auctions in comments to her FB post.

    If you don’t see anything in the auction that speaks to you or is within your budget, donations of any size are currently being doubled thanks to a matching gift! I know people sometimes feel like it’s not “worth” donating a small amount, and while that is never true, it’s especially not true now! Here’s a post with more information and a handy big orange PayPal button.

    Thank you, Toasties!

    2. isabellebleu +1

      Thank you for the reminder. I just put some hopeful bids in because MANY THUMBS UP, plus books which just arrive at my house after purchase as if by some kind of magic is my favourite thing ever.

  6. paddlepickle +75

    IT’S OFFICIAL I GOT THE JOB AND I’M MOVING TO CALIFORNIA.

    Who lives in LA and wants to be friends??

    Also feel free to turn this into a new version of the “moving across the country is terrifying” thread that started last week. How is everyone else doing with their massive life changes?

    1. ppyajunebug +5

      WELCOME TO THE BEST COAST!

      I’m down in San Diego, but California is lovely and moving cross country is the worst!

    2. ramina +5

      I DON’T LIVE IN LA BUT I WANNA GIVE YOU A HIGH FIVE BECAUSE THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!

    3. AddieJoy +2

      I’M GOING TO BE IN LA THIS SUMMER

      watching this thread for updates on HOW TO MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY OH GOD

      1. paddlepickle +2

        Yay!! I think there are more of us and I def wanna do a meetup. Are you there just for the summer or are you moving there permanently?

          1. paddlepickle +2

            Oooh exciting! Where is it you’re moving from? How terrified are you on a scale of 1 to AHHHHHHH

            I’m moving from NY and I have lots of friends in LA, including my very best friend, but I’ve also never lived more than 2 hours from my parents before and I feel like a tiny child clinging to her mommy.

          2. AddieJoy +5

            Washington, DC. About the actual move and new place, I’m about five scared. About my eventual career prospects, I am ONE MILLION SCARED, but determined to stay the course. I have one college friend out there and a surprisingly large friends-of-friends network. That’s about what I had when I moved here to DC, so I think I’ll be okay.

            Moving is scary! Especially when it’s away from family for the first time. But you can do it! Fling yourself into the waiting arms of the future!

          3. paddlepickle +4

            “Fling yourself into the waiting arms of the future” is the perfect mantra 🙂

    4. packedsuitcase +2

      I am avoiding mine! I have a last day at work settled and a visa settled, now I just need to, you know, buy the ticket to NZ.

      1. paddlepickle +4

        I’m avoiding telling my coworkers I’m leaving! My boss knows but my other sorta-boss does not yet, but I work in a big open office and ti’s impossible to get not-overheard private time. Also my face got numbed at the dentist this morning and I’d rather not drool through this conversation, but. . .yeah I gotta actually quit my job.

    5. octopoda +3

      Congrats and welcome to the West Coast! I’m a little far north of you though.

    6. freakyteeth +3

      YAY!!! *OFFERS VIRTUAL HOUSEWARMING PRESENT* I’m going to be making a massive life change. Either stay here or go to the UK. I don’t like making major life decisions.

    7. eegghh +3

      I live in LA, and I’d be happy to go on a new friend coffee date when you get here. Word of warning I am maybe moving out of state in the fall… but it’s probably like a 40% chance to a 60% chance of staying. I know lots about dtla and koreatown if those neighborhoods are of interest to you.

      1. paddlepickle +2

        I would love that! I hope you stay 🙂 I will actually be working in Koreatown, too! I’ve spent a bit of time there before because my friends used to live there, but will still be pretty lost.

          1. paddlepickle +5

            Good point. One day I’ll look back on that comment and say “WHY? She ruined my life!”

    8. RoseCamelia +3

      Happy for you! It will be hard. But it will be wonderful more often than hard. You are a rock star.

    9. OliviaPJones +4

      I moved across the country when I was twenty-four and it was the best thing I ever did! Someone wise once told me that the first year is the hardest, but once you get through it everything gets better. She was totally, 100% right.

    10. Goomaly +2

      I live in the Inland Empire so I’m down for a meetup, but its too far to be FRIENDS-friends 🙁

      1. emlorark +8

        This is the best name for this type of murder and I’m weirdly happy that apparently they still call it that in Maryland. In my state we call it “extreme indifference murder”

  8. houblonchouffe +45

    Toasts, today is being A Day and I am holding very very tightly to small, happy-making things in order to not fly off the handle. Cake (or granola parfait, w/e) is part of that, to be sure. Another small, happy-making thing is that since my office is attached to the public library, I effectively get first grab at the used/donated bookshelves, and LOOK WHAT I FOUND YESTERDAY:

    Please share your small, happy-making things for the day/week/weekend, I am dying to hear them.

    1. AddieJoy +8

      Azaleas are blooming, and I am reserving time to take myself on a walk through the azalea path in the National Arboretum tomorrow.

    2. rookstone +8

      Lovely find! A couple of months back I found my old boxed set of Anne of Green Gables books in my mom’s basement. Pure. Joy.

      My little triumph for the week was weeding the raised beds in my garden, with help from three of my favorite lady friends. There’s a weird, special pleasure to sitting on the ground with a bunch of friends, talking for hours, shoving your hands in dirt and ripping stuff out. It was like being a kid again, except it actually felt productive, too.

      My garden looks so happy now.

    3. Thujaplicata +5

      I went to a concert last night (Le Vent du Nord) and had tons of fun and got my CD signed and was flirted with by several of the lovely French Canadian band members.

    4. StillT +6

      I received an award in recognition of some of my volunteer efforts last night and even though I was *super embarrassed* the entire time and was on the verge of a minor anxiety attack prior to heading up to the stage, it was lovely and made me feel so good, and I’m kind of riding the wave of it today, and it is helping.

      Also! I got to ride my bike to work today and only had one near-death experience, which may be a new record.

      1. fenixdawn +4

        Yay bikes! I also got out my bike this week for the first time this year! I also had the customary near-death experience, and then found out that tacking on an extra mile to hop on the bike trail rather than stay on the roads is so totally worth it.

        For my happy-making this week, I have been playing around with “healthy” dessert recipes and made these super intense chocolate ball things comprised entirely of nuts, cocoa, and dates. Eating one is like getting punched in the face with chocolate, so I can basically eat just one little ball of chocolate goodness, feel super satisfied, and not really want another one.

    5. CleverManka +15

      The rest of my life can sometimes be annoying/enraging/exhausting, but life with the Burgomaster is so wonderful and adores me and tells me I’m the most awesome person in the world. We’re going on eleven years together this fall.

    6. Bryn (Plus Others) +14

      I just ate toast with boursin on it, which is super delicious!

      This weekend we are going to perform the annual rite in which we acquire ladybugs and set them free in the garden to feast upon the aphids that infest the roses. Our kids are super-excited. 🙂

    7. 2for1cheesecake +6

      Going to a flower show tomorrow! It is happening about 10 steps from my apartment, so I’m going to get a donut and coffee and then look at flowers.

    8. donkeywork +6

      I have two nasturtiums sprouting in the square foot of yard I’m playing with, and their little clown-shoe leaves always make me happy. And because I have procrastinated on shopping for two days now, I’ll go tomorrow and also get a bean cake to eat while listening to Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me. Small indulgence, big enjoyment.

    9. Steph +4

      Someone unexpectedly brought top-notch Gruyere from Switzerland to journal club today, so I learned about predicting coral reef recovery after bleaching while eating fancy cheese. It was an exceedingly pleasant lunch hour.

    11. ectocool +5

      After having an iffy credit history that led to a very stressful apartment hunt last year, I re-signed my lease AND was approved for a (very small) line of credit in my name! No cosignor needed!

    12. Ethylbenzene +5

      My niece is turning 9 so I got her Narnia as well as the first Anastasia Krupnik book! Maybe we’ll have a book club!

      1. lovesloths +1

        I hope you do! My niece and I are book clubbing the entire Little House series this summer and we are both so excited about it!

    13. OliviaPJones +4

      I adore those covers. As a grad-school graduation present to myself, I am going to make it my quest to track down the 1960’s hard cover versions of the Chronicles of Prydain books just because I can.

    14. Cateling +3

      Boulevard is now bottling their Lemon-Ginger Radler, and my local liquor store carries it! Going to pick up my sixer tonight, such excitement!

    15. waitressinlove +2

      I bought a brand new paperback copy of Dragons in the Water when I was in middle school, and it was inexplicably missing the twenty or so pages that were most integral to the denoument. I never bought another copy, so I’ve never known how it ended. I’d forgotten about that until now.

    16. spring chickens +2

      cherry blossoms and a few blossoming plum trees too, on the walk home from work! clouds of flowers!

    17. grumblyqueer +2

      You know how Youtube videos have that little speed option on the Settings menu? I’ve been having little study dance breaks to 1.5-speed St Vincent and Nicki for all of finals.

  9. noodge4lyfe +5

    cake. CAKE. CAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

    ahem.

    Moving Chronicles: finding a rental in a small town can be much harder than finding one in Philadelphia. Especially if one has two cats. I’m working on not worrying about this. How soon before my impending move-date should I start to actually worry if I don’t have a place to live?

    1. RoseCamelia +4

      Been there. Done that. I’m sorry you have this extra stressor. Recommendation: line up a few short-term options just in case. By-the-week motels can be good or they can be drug dealer dens, mostly one or the other, so take them at face value. More expensive but more comfortable: executive stay hotels. They have kitchens and weekly rates and most accept pets.

  10. paddlepickle +12

    Also is anyone else spending 90% of their time on The Toast transfixed by that gif of Ellen crying over the terrible secret that will bring down her empire? Or am I seeing different ads than everyone else?

      1. daisicles +3

        Well, I’m glad it’s not just me with the NRA ad. I was half convinced it was caused by a discussion board post for one of my online classes (one of my classmates is an NRA shooting instructor and she talks about it enough that I’m glad it’s an online class and I live 3 hours’ drive from campus) because that’s literally the only time I’ve ever had anything like that pop up.

  11. kjschapira +8

    Anybody have any ideas for PREVENTATIVE anti-police-brutality actions in a given city? I live in a city that hasn’t had any high-profile cases, although I’m sure cops here have abused their power. What are good ways for residents of a city say to the city’s police department (and mayor and so on and so forth), “Let’s make sure this DOESN’T happen here” (parentheses ANYMORE)”?

    1. paddlepickle +6

      Organizing Copwatch trainings and campaigns are a cool thing to do (http://copwatchnyc.org/). Basically you can train people on how to safely and legally document interactions with police that they see, and it also fosters a sense of responsibility for others in your city– we call them “Know Your Responsibilities” trainings with the group I work with. That doesn’t prevent the violence of course– for that I think maybe working on accountability legislation (like NY’s “Right to Know” act) could also be helpful.

      1. kjschapira +2

        Thanks! I will see if there’s anything like either of those in place here. I would rather put my shoulder to the wheel of something established and proven (somewhat) effective (ish).

    2. rkfire +4

      A couple of thoughts:
      -you may want to check around and see if there are existing groups who are focused on police reform. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t realize the extent of BPD’s issues until I started going to Bmore Ferguson events this past fall, and even then I didn’t know about the nickel rides and the total amount paid in lawsuit damages.
      -learn more about how law enforcement policy works. during the Bmore ferguson events, people discussed broadly the need for civilian oversight of the PD, as well as the Law Enforcement Bill of Rights in MD. What structures are in place in your city? How do they work?

      I’m still earning about this stuff myself, but as someone who has had her knwoeldge go from like, 1% -> 75% in the past six months, those are some of my suggestions.

      1. kjschapira +3

        Thank you! There is one group I know of (but don’t know much about yet) and there may be others. The point about structures in the city is also great. Thanks Hieu!

    3. Mrs_Peel +6

      I used to work at a state branch of the ACLU, and they would do one-day workshops for schools, non-profits, etc., about what to do if you’re stopped by the police, what your rights are, and so on. (And hand out pre-printed cards with instructions). You may have a state or local branch that does something similar.

      They also helped to facilitate a cooperative agreement in Cincinnati between the police department and community groups, which could be used as a model in other cities. (That was part of a settlement, in response to a racial profiling lawsuit).

      Personally, I’m all in favor of legislation/ departmental policies requiring the use of body cameras. You can always lobby for that, even if there haven’t been any specific incidents.

    4. laurenipsum +2

      Ijeoma Oluo had a piece about this a few weeks ago. I can’t find it now (why is searching so much harder on phone?) but I bet someone with better google juice today could.

  12. AddieJoy +5

    THE BARTENDER’S CAKE IS TOPICAL!

    Anybody have advice on self promotion for web content? I write a comedy/horror cake blog that has a few people following it and gets shared around by friends and family, but I’m not sure how to get it past that point. I’m going to keep doing the blog regardless of audience size–it’s a ton of fun, and I love writing and baking and photography. But outside validation is always nice!

    Has anybody managed Internet Popularity ™? If so, can you give advice?

    1. Es_Petal +3

      Link to it now please, I want to read it! I know one more reader will probably not constitute Internet Popularity, but it sounds great.

    2. rookstone +3

      I am an utter failure at Internet Popularity(tm), so I don’t really have any good advice of my own. I mean, it’s advice people have given me in the past, but I can’t personally prove it works yet. Consistency is the one a lot of people bring up and most people with ongoing success in this area are definitely consistent. They have frequent updates, maintain a certain level of quality, and keep a specific sort of “feel” to what they create. They develop their brand, if you want to go all marketing lingo about it.

      Commenting on other blogs and in communities that cater to similar interests helps spread the word and increase rankings in search engines. And building up a larger social network of people who are into your blog topic means that when you’ve got “friends following and sharing”, you’ve got a lot more people doing so. Basically just being involved and genuine.

      And those are all nice, non-sleazy things to do that won’t make people give you the stink-eye. Maybe the sleazier, stink-eye-inspiring methods are successful, but ick.

    3. sarah_jay +2

      I had some moderate success when I was blogging and publishing patterns more regularly by pinning things to pinterest several times on different boards so they show up in random searches more.

  13. helvetica547 +6

    Toasties! I am moving temporarily to New York in the fall, for an internship and need to find a place to live. Any suggestions for great and trustworthy roommate websites? I’m currently in Europe and would not be able to check out apartments before I get to NY, and I would really not want to give my money to someone and then not get a room in return.

    1. OliviaPJones +2

      I don’t have any help for you beyond a suggestion that you might want to try subletting or renting a room first to give you some breathing room. Of course, I am an old and times have changed since the aughts.

        1. 1sic1 +1

          A grad school friend works there as a translator, and I was going to take the test (just for fun, though) this summer, but then work happened.

  14. winterbymorning +34

    Is that a powdered sugar moth on the cake? Bartender, are you trolling Mallory? Because if yes, I love it.

    And now, a rant:

    Toasts, this coworker of mine has been here since December and I already at bitch-eating-crackers level with her. There are a few things about her that annoy me so flipping much that they override any good qualities she might have and I just cannot stand her.

    Her office is right behind my desk but despite having a lot of room all to herself (it’s an office meant for 3 but the other 2 positions aren’t staffed currently), including a big table with several chairs, and a door that closes, she likes to have lively chat sessions just in front of her office. I’m sure this annoys the daylights out of everyone else in this cubicle farm, but her most frequent gabbing partner is our boss so nobody is comfortable telling them to move it inside and shut the damn door. And she is LOUD and she laughs all the time and her laugh is SO DAMN SHRILL and she does this thing where she’ll laugh shrilly for a solid minute and then do an overly-dramatic gasping, squeaking intake of breath and then squeal “THAT’S SOOOO FUNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” and then start the shrill laughter again.

    Yesterday I was asked another coworker a question and Her Royal Shrillness yelled the (wrong) answer from her office and then, when I didn’t acknowledge her contribution to the conversation, she yelled it again, and then a third time, and then she finally came over to where we were standing and went, “I SAID [WRONG ANSWER] BUT I’M NOT SURE IF YOU HEARD ME.” Yes I heard you, the reptilians living on the dark side of the moon fucking heard you, but a) you were wrong and b) nobody asked you! Go back to your office, shut the door and just try being quiet for half an hour.

    I think that I am more sensitive to minor annoyances right now, since my husband’s upcoming interview for that Montreal job has raised the possibility of finally moving back to Montreal, making me even more impatient to be rid of annoying coworkers of all stripes. God I hope he gets that job. I’ve been trying not to get my hopes up so that I won’t be crushed if it falls through but this is basically the one thing I have wanted most for the past 4 years.

    1. CleverManka +9

      I’m dealing with a similar situation (not my boss thank goodness) but mine was easily solved by wearing some earbuds. If someone complains, imma tell them exactly what’s going on and why and if they don’t like it, they can just whistle.

      Hope you find a resolution soon.

      1. winterbymorning +9

        I resort to earbuds when they get particularly obnoxious – so far this week I’ve worked my way through 1h40m of Wagner’s Ring Cycle, so at least I’m getting some culture? It is just so galling that these people don’t realize how disruptive they’re being, talking really loudly in the middle of a cubicle farm – especially when there’s a perfectly good office they could use. Even if they’re not discussing sensitive or confidential matters (because of course the Loud Chatter Club is never about work issues) why wouldn’t they want that extra privacy? Last Friday my cubicle neighbour actually left early because she hadn’t been able to get any work done in over 2 hours because of them.

        1. CleverManka +11

          I feel like this is bordering on Hostile Work Environment and maybe you could mention something to HR?

  15. blunderbusst +13

    TOASTS! I do not have time for anything but the legislative session right now and I miss you and I’m also wondering if we have a musician thread in the Open Thread ever? Also, how are you? And I love you. The end.

    1. banjolene +5

      by musician thread do you mean toasties who are musicians, or just general music appreciation talks? I AM DOWN FOR EITHER

      1. blunderbusst +8

        i did mean Toasties who are musicians — someone usually posts a “hey, what are you listening to” type of thing here too, yeah? — but I am also down for whatever. I like stuff! Let’s talk about stuff!

        Was thinking in the shower* this morning that The Toast is, like, 90% librarians with an overlapping Venn diagram of 15% theater kids, and I’m curious about the overlapping musician circle. And also I dropped myself and my amp off a stage last week and broke ALL my tubes and bruised my knees and who wants to commiserate and/or talk about the klutziest things they’ve ever done onstage or what are people writing and/or playing and/or creating (an.or listening to!) currently.

        *What, you guys don’t think about ME in the shower?

        2. banjolene +6

          ahhh what type of badass tunes do you play with your broken amp and bruised knees?

          one time at a farmer’s market gig i accidentally hit a lil old lady on the noggin with the headstock of my banjo I FELT SO BAD AND SHE WAS SO NICE ABOUT IT

          1. blunderbusst +3

            Ok, that is amazing. I have never injured anyone OTHER than myself and I want to high five you forever.

            I was loading out when I tripped off the stage and oh-so-gracefully threw my amp in front of me and then landed on it. This show was an improv guitar thing (where I go by the moniker Tiny Alarms, and if improv guitar stuff and demos and things are your slice of toast, you can listen to things here: https://soundcloud.com/jen-scaffidi) but my most recent band thing was a two-girl drums and guitar duo (http://blunderbusst.com/). I still don’t know how to describe that other than to say that you can download the album for free and several songs are about killing boys that done me wrong and several songs are about just rocking the eff out.

            Tell me more about your banjo-y adventures!

          2. banjolene +2

            the duo sounds kickass i will check it out! I made music with my favorite-person-in-the-world-who-is-also-my-twin-sister, but we are now separated by several hours of travel :/ ( http://music.theskipperdees.com ) so these days I’m usually just rocking out some animal songs with the tiny rock stars at my elementary school.

          3. blunderbusst +1

            Kid music is the best! No ego! Lots of creativity! So much giggles and wiggly dancing!

            I am now following you on Bandcamp (I think — the site has been wiggy this week and I may be logged in as Tiny Alarms and not Blunderbusst) and look forward to some listening post-work!

            [We’ve reached the Many Exclamation Points portion of the Musician Thread, apparently.]

            Feel free to nudge me to listen as I sometimes forget but love to share dialogue about people’s projects AND I know that exquisite agony that is “Hey, listen to my band?” and never hearing from that person ever again.

        3. _phlox +5

          Librarian/former musician here! If I had opportunity I would still play but all the community bands in this city rehearse on the outskirts (which is too far for me) and I am not cool enough for a rock band.

          1. blunderbusst +6

            No one will ever tell you this, but PEOPLE IN ROCK BANDS AREN’T THAT COOL. And if you start your own, no one can kick you out for your perceived lack of hipness.

            What instrument(s) do you play!

          3. banjolene +4

            EUPHONIUM IS MY MOST FAVORITE TIMBRE OF ALL INSTRUMENTS i would be so down to incorporate you into any sort of rock/folk/whatever band

          5. blunderbusst +5

            There is no instrument not suited for rock and/or roll. You could totally play euphonium in a band with me.

          6. _phlox +4

            If only Toasties all lived nearby! (I am guessing you are not in Toronto, because I cannot think of a farmer’s market here that has buskers regularly.)

            A friend is sometimes part of a casual choir group that sings choral arrangements of popular songs so I might go with her to that this summer! Singing requires less lugging of heavy metal objects.

          7. gentlehangovers +5

            I love the euphonium too! I play in a wind ensemble and at our last concert one of the pieces had a kickass euphonium solo. The player in turn kicked the solo’s ass, and my non-band-geek friend in the audience declared it her new favorite instrument, as did my husband. They didn’t know what the instrument was called though, and I didn’t know what the hell they were talking about when they tried to describe it (THEM: “it looks like…a rectangle? that’s an engine?” ME: …).

        4. sarah_jay +5

          I’m not a librarian or a theater kid, but I was a band geek, is that close enough?

          Also, like a typical Mormon kid I learned to play the piano, and still do, but mostly just for church. I really want to buy a house so I can have a piano in it to play fun things (mostly show tunes tbh)

          1. blunderbusst +3

            Band geeks are very close to my heart. I wasn’t really a musician until later in high school (drama kid all the way), but I attended every home sports event just to cheer the band, so.

            There is a correlation between the LDS church and love of showtunes, isn’t there?

            Do you have access to a piano now? It breaks my heart when piano players have no pianos to play.

          2. sarah_jay +3

            There’s one at my mom’s house, and I’m there almost weekly, but it hasn’t been tuned since she moved it nearly 1000miles to the new house and it just sounds wrong. She’s looking for a tuner, but she used her last one for 20 years and says it’s as hard to find as a new hair stylist. She also needs to put up curtains or something in the music room(! her new house has a music room, of sorts) to keep the echoes down.

          3. blunderbusst +3

            New assignment: find a piano tuner! And I agree that’s a very personal thing. We’ve had a lot of luck just lurking around music stores we like and making friends and asking for recommendations. You can almost always find a sweet little old man who will do it for $100.

    2. testingwithfire +7

      I’m learning clawhammer banjo. 🙂 “Incremental improvement” is taking on a whole ‘nother meaning for me. I took years of piano and some voice, and sang in choruses, but this is my first fretted instrument.

        1. testingwithfire +3

          I was told about a year ago that the process of learning the “clawhammer” method would drive me crazy for a while, and that’s been somewhat true. But I keep going back to it! It’s nice just to fart around on it, experiment with slides, try to play “House of the Rising Sun”… everything a stringed instrument newb does.

          I am taking lessons from a pro, which is a Godsend. It’s coming along, just not as quickly as the piano did when I was six years old. I’ve had the banjo since February of this year so I’m not through the first trimester yet. 🙂

          The banjo I bought is a Deering Goodtime Americana, which is a new, mellower-sounding take on the standard Goodtime. It’s a great instrument to learn on… wonderful tone, lightweight, and I think I paid $500 for it at Elderly Instruments.

          1. blunderbusst +1

            Whoa. I just learned 500 things about banjo that I never knew! Also, do not forget “Dust in the Wind,” a classic staple of entry-level fretted instrument instruction. I’m so proud of you! Keep it up!

          2. banjolene +3

            !! So glad you’re learning clawhammer- I think it suits the instrument so much more nicely than the three-finger style (I am a self-taught banjoist and just play a bastardization of all techniques haha). Are you familiar with Abigail Washburn or Kelly McFarling? Two of my fave lady-banjoists doing interesting and lovely things!

      2. gentlehangovers +3

        Oh man, I’m trying to learn banjo too – although I don’t have a “proper” instrument but a lovely smaller-sized wooden one. I’ve been playing out of the Pete Seeger book, but I think I may need a few lessons from a pro. I also have minor anxiety about practicing in my apartment because banjos can be LOUD.

        I did teach myself to read tab, which is weird after reading music practically my entire life.

        1. blunderbusst +2

          NGL, my sister gave my last boyfriend a banjo as a gift and I wouldn’t let him practice it in our house while I was home, even though I am typically Very Supportive Musician Partner. That said, unless you’re dating me, just practice the dang thing, neighbors be damned.

    3. gentlehangovers +3

      Add me to the musician circle (not the librarians, though) – I play drums/percussion, mostly classical, and am trying to learn banjo as described below. Stringed instruments are HARD. I also have a full time “normal” job, so my main difficulty is finding time to practice. I live in an apartment in a densely-populated city, so I only have a small window of weekday time post-work/before-quiet hours…it’s tough.

      1. blunderbusst +3

        Time to practice is always rough. After 20 years of playing the guitar, I started taking piano lessons, and I forgot about the need for practice time. Similar to my tips for @demisemiquaver elsewhere here, I committed to practicing for 15 minutes, 3 times a week. It’s like going to the gym: once you’re there, it’s easy to do more than you thought you would, but 15 minutes isn’t an intimidating amount of time at all.

    4. Xolandra +3

      O yes, there are musicians here. Classically trained piano and vox, my current project is a secular(ish, in that we don’t usually sing at church, they don’t kick me out or threaten to light me on fire in spite of my SEVERLY lapsed Catholic backgroud or because of my potty mouth) Gregorian chant choir. It is surprisingly good times, mostly because the choir master (like all choir masters ever, it seems) has the social graces of a snotty 4 year old.

        1. Xolandra +1

          Come to Ottawa for Easter! We do a 5 hour chant for meditation that is cheap-as-free every good friday. It is in a church, but there’s no insence (mercifuuly; I don’t think my lungs could take it) and no one will check your Catholic Card at the door. Church music – possibly the only good part of church?

          1. blunderbusst +1

            WAS ACTUALLY BAPTIZED CATHOLIC! So, adding you to my list of “Things To Do If I Ever Get to Ottawa.”

    5. grumblyqueer +1

      I’ve been futzing around on the flute for ten-ish years, and I took like 2 years of vocal lessons. I wanted in my heart of hearts to be Tracey Chapman when my teacher was pushing me towards Cecilia Bartoli, so that was a bust. I’m a pretty good flutist though, and a decent alto-flutist, tin-whistle player, ocarinist, and recorder player by extension, because if you know one flute thing you know them all.

  16. winterbymorning +3

    FALLEN LONDON THREAD!

    I am in Polythreme and getting increasingly frustrated. I want to investigate Jack-of-Smiles’ house but I somehow always manage to end up with not enough Investigating or Fascinating to do anything, and not enough Unnatural Exuberance to increase Investigating or Fascinating. So I just do the Promenade a few times until I finally get tired of failing yet again and just go back to London. Is there a particular card I should be waiting for?

    I did the Haunting at the Marsh-House storyline and it was fun! I wish I could replay it, though. It looks like there will be a new story for Exceptional Friends every month, which is a good incentive to get membership.

    1. octopoda +1

      I just started that Haunting storyline! Otherwise I’ve just been spinning my wheels getting my shadowy up as that is that stat I want at 200. I am making lots of echos though.

    2. aqueousmedium +4

      The Haunting at the Marsh-House was super fun! I opted to support the Prim Baronet because (spoiler) I actually installed the Face Tailor in his place ages ago and I thought my character would keep a good conspiracy going.

      Polythreme is kind of frustrating at first – what I found worked best was to pay your way with surface silk as long as possible, then switch to opportunity cards to get fascinating/investigating, and trade whichever quality you want for more of the other. Paying with romantic notions always seemed to get unnatural exuberance too low to use the cards well.

      I am composing SO MANY SYMPHONIES trying to get my Scholar of the Correspodence from 9 to 10. Are there any other faster ways?

      1. dyingofthatroar +3

        I think there’s something you can do with the ocelot for Scholar of the Correspondence? Dunno, I haven’t got one. I’m at SotC 8 and it was such a grind to get even there in symphonies. I read this advice “Compose Symphonies in the Empress’ Court or a Corresponding Ocelot/Bifurcated Owl from the Labyrinth of Tigers extension. If neither of those things are available, you’ll probably just have to use The Last Alphabet.”

        Also if you gift and receive surprise packages, a very few of them will have plaques and raise your SotC.

        I’ve been raising my Master Thief by robbing the brass embassy: up to 3.5 now! I’m planning to fail the next one and then go to gaol, meet the repentant forger, and begin the Secrets Framed in Gold story. Already traded away almost all my Connected:Hell.

        BaronBenas

        1. Bunburying +2

          Yep, you can rub his tummy for Correspondence secrets. :3 If only all scholarship worked on the Belly Rubs model.

          I don’t know whether it’s “faster” than symphonies or not because you have to wait for an opportunity card (and also get the ocelot in the first place) but really isn’t any excuse to rub a proud and fierce wild cat’s tum-tum enough

          1. aqueousmedium +2

            I do have the Ocelot and have been giving belly rubs, but sadly the card doesn’t show up that often. Back to the symphonies!

    3. elsajeni +5

      Getting ready to go to the Iron Republic! I only need about… 7000 more Souls… *tiny broken sob*. Actually the souls are the least of my problems, I need two more Marks of Credit and those apparently can only be gotten through a sequence of cards and there aren’t that many cards that give you the relevant quality and basically I hate everything.

      I also got my Screaming Map AND my key to Flute Street. I have too many options! Do I advance my in-game Ambition, or my personal ambition of boning a Rubbery Man, or do I just go dick about in Polythreme?

      1. viviennestreet +2

        Also, depending on who you’re closest to, there’s an option at the Wolfstack Docks and in the Forgotten Quarter that will raise your Counting the Days quality (depending on which days you’re on). I was lucky enough to have chosen closest to Bohemians, which can play both those storylets.

        The one at the docks will raise Counting the Days from 0 to 6
        The one at the Quarter will go from 6 to 10

        And then I had the most luck raising it the rest of the way with the Orthographic Infection card (as long as you have nightmares >=1) and visiting various acquaintences.

        1. elsajeni +2

          Ooh! I didn’t know about the docks one and I am Urchins, so I can actually do that one! Not the Forgotten Quarter one, unfortunately, but hey, that boost from 0-6 will speed things up a lot. Thank you!

    4. ladyimogen +5

      I finally advanced by using the actions that convert between Fascinating/Investigating, and occasionally the ones that effectively buy either. Polythreme is WEIRD.
      I am still waiting for the Numismatrix so I can get to the Iron Republic.

    5. katenepveu +5

      I quite enjoyed the Haunting storyline, and I am so glad they finally increased the number of cards that Exceptional Friends could accumulate!

    6. wallofillusion +2

      Man, I am trying to make up my mind on the new Exceptional Friendship mode because (a) I have a bad habit of blowing through new storylines at top speed and (b) forty actions is too much for me. I get overwhelmed. But a new storyline every month sounds great, and if they’re good stories… hmm…

      Re: Polythreme, I usually spent a bunch on bribes early on and then… then I don’t remember.

  17. deleted7410012 +6

    my laptop is on its deathbed. goodbye, sweet dell inspiron 1525. you lived a long life, 2008-2015ish. the screen won’t backlight anymore and i keep getting restart errors. i’ve backed up my music and photos and files, but i think this is the end. considering i can’t see anything on the screen unless i shine a flashlight on it, i mean.

    so, tell me your laptop recommendations. i want at least 500gb storage, 4gb ram, and i absolutely need an ethernet port because my apartment is from the stoneage and doesn’t have wifi. and i don’t want to spend more than…$800, so macs are out.

    is it silly to just buy the latest version of the laptop i had before? i’ve done a little research and i keep eyeing the dell inspiron 5000 series—probably the 15″.

    1. ramina +1

      I actually bought one of the Dell Ultrabooks two years ago? Oh wow, yeah, two years ago, but it’s great and has storage but I’m not certain if it has an Ethernet port. For a long time I advised against Dell laptops, but they’ve really stepped up their game and I think they have a few models you can still get Windows 7 on, so yeah, I wouldn’t say it’s silly to buy the newest model of a product you really liked!

      1. deleted7410012 +1

        ugh, it looks like windows 8.1 is pretty much unavoidable at this point.

        thanks for the rec! i’ll look into whether their ultrabooks have ethernet ports! a lot of laptops omit them now, especially the slimmer, more portable laptops, which makes sense…but is also making this search difficult.

        1. octopoda +3

          Windows 10 is just around the corner, and will be a free upgrade. They reverted some of the annoying stuff in Win 8.

          1. viviennestreet +2

            GOOD TO KNOW. My laptop is on the way out. I hope it can hold on until then–I’d rather not have to deal with Windows 8 at all.

          2. deleted7410012 +2

            good to know! most of the laptops i’m looking at are offering that free update, phew.

    2. octopoda +1

      Dells are ok. I’ve been happy with our Acer laptops (we have two) which meet all your needs and were pretty inexpensive. I would recommend checking out newegg.com, they have good deals and lots of user reviews.

      1. deleted7410012 +2

        i can’t believe i forgot about newegg! thanks for the reminder.

        1. grace_adieu +3

          I would especially recommend going for one of their refurbished laptops. You can end up getting a nice laptop for significantly cheaper and at least with mine (so far) no difference between buying a new one vs buying a refurbished one.

          1. RoseCamelia +2

            Yes, you are so right. I bought a refurb from the IT shop that backstopped me with all troubles with the previous laptop. They guaranteed the refurb and they did not want to lose my goodwill, so I felt confident. And they knew if they loaded an OS they knew would annoy me, they’d never hear the end of it.

    3. rangiferina +6

      oh no, RIP laptop 🙁 I can’t help much since I’m a Mac person, but good luck finding a replacement! I had a scare earlier this month (logic board replacement, bye bye tax return) and was d r e a d i n g the prospect of laptop hunting again if it couldn’t be fixed. the new MacBook Pros sure are shiny, but I HATE that you can’t upgrade your own ram anymore. ridiculous. not to mention the prohibitive cost. Apple, I wish I knew how to quit you.

      1. deleted7410012 +3

        i use a mac at work, and it is sooo shiny and nice. but they are so expensive! since i basically just fart around online and occasionally edit a photo, i can’t justify spending that much money for computing power i’ll never use.

    4. jenavira +3

      Thinkpads are cheap goddamn workhorses, but you will have to deal with the little dot-mouse-controller thingy in the middle of the keyboard, which I know is a dealbreaker for some people. (It is for me. Our library buys Thinkpads by the ton, though.)

    5. daisicles +3

      I have a deep and abiding love for Asus computers. They tend to be more expensive, but my brother the computer nerd recommended the brand to me and my Asus laptop has really held up through 5 years of abuse. Some of their computers still come with Windows 7 – the desktop I just bought a few months ago did – but I’m not sure if any of their laptops still do.

      But if you liked your laptop, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to just buy the latest version.

    6. Liz Rosema +2

      OH MY GOD I also have a Dell Inspiron 1525 I purchased it back when peasants and castles were still a thing ( okay fine 2009). His name is Alexander and it is holding onto life by sheer will and the fact that I changed its OS to Windows 7.

  18. packedsuitcase +82

    How about a ridiculous family member story thread? Just this very morning I remembered that my grandfather got KICKED OUT OF COLLEGE for writing a letter to the First Lady sending his condolences for being married to such a worthless moron. And people wonder where my sass comes from.

    1. meetapossum +16

      While researching family members, my mom found an article titled “IT MAY BE MURDER.” It was about how my great-great grandfather got into an argument with his mother and kicked her in the stomach because he showed up uninvited to a party she was having and she told him to go home. They were afraid she was going to die. (She made a full recovery!)

      There was later a follow-up article with his side of the story: She yelled at him, and when he remonstrated she went to throw a lamp at him and he tried to kick the lamp out of her hand. Also, he noted, his bail was $200 and not $500 as previously noted.

    2. cait0716 +51

      My grandmother married her sister’s fiance, and I’ve never been able to get anyone to tell me any more of the story.

      2. depizan +15

        My mom married her sister’s ex-husband. That sister and her ex-husband had been married for 16 years; and my dad was best man at their wedding, so this was a man pretty established as a brother-in-law to my mom and uncle to us kids. So my step-siblings are also my cousins. Good awkward times are had at family reunions.

      3. Smitty +6

        YES. My grandma dated my uncle! Or maybe more accurate, my aunt married my grandma’s ex?

        ETA: Grandmas!

        1. dakimel +11

          “My aunt married my grandma’s ex” is basically the best 6-word story I’ve ever read.

      4. mbculver +1

        My grandfather died suddenly when I was 11, and my grandmother married his brother a year later. It sounds juicy, but really they were both widowed and lonely, and wanted some company.

        The sad part was that my grandfather was awesome, and my great-uncle was not, and many family stories in the ensuing years revolved around what an asshole he was to everyone.

    3. catoclock +43

      That is amazing.

      My grandmother rode an ostrich once. She was like 70.

      1. femaelstrom +5

        #GOALS

        (seriously, all I want in life is to be a heavily-tattooed old lady with an infinite supply of inappropriate and ridiculous stories to tell my grand-nieces and grand-nephews.)

    4. m98widow +34

      My father, having the crap luck to be drafted after he graduated from college, somehow lost the duffel containing all of his Army possessions between the US and Vietnam. After a few days of going to the processing office in Danang, being told to take a number, and never getting called, he just started going to the beach every day until someone finally came looking for him to give him his new uniforms and everything.

    5. thedaela +44

      My great-grandmother got married at 15. When she found out she was pregnant at 16, she climbed up onto a fence and crowed like a rooster.

      I’ve always wondered if people had a wider, crazier range of emotions 100 years ago.

      1. Mrs_Peel +3

        Did you write a book or an article about that? That rings a bell and I could swear I heard it before. Or maybe it was just A Thing that people did back then…

        1. thedaela +8

          I wrote a Toast comment about it!

          There’s often such a disconnect between me and my emotions, so honestly I think a lot about the state of mind it would take to make me crow like a rooster.

          1. Mrs_Peel +3

            Aha!! That explains it. I guess it stuck in my mind.

            I can think of very few things in my life that might have provoked that reaction (and somehow I doubt that getting pregnant at 16 would’ve been one of them!)

      2. Rapunzel

        That’s so interesting, because I’ve somehow always believed peopel in the past had less emotions (and where ‘thus’ better) (what do you mean I have issues with past people.)

    6. CleverManka +25

      My paternal grandparents once got chased through their city for throwing bricks at members of the National Guard who were protecting scabs crossing a union picket line.

      1. Mrs_Peel +5

        I think they would’ve really gotten along well with my own Commie grandparents.

    7. noodge4lyfe +22

      my great grandmother was one of the first female athletes at her college (University of Chicago) it was QUITE THE SCANDAL in 1902.

      Her daughter, my grandmother, grew up in San Diego, and when she was a teen she climbed to the top of the tallest radio tower in town with a friend, and then walked out to the end of the crossbar and then back again.

      And people wonder where I get my fearlessness from (which is a bit of a burden, paired with the misery inducing anxiety from my father’s side of the family…)

    8. sarah_jay +25

      My great-great-grandfather left his family to follow a prostitute to San Diego. He lived with her for a few years, and when he died unexpectedly she put him on the porch so he wouldn’t stink up the house and started up business again.

      There were also UT polygamists, but they’re not as interesting.

      1. grace_adieu +21

        Somehow I have difficulty imagining that a corpse on the porch would be any better for business than a corpse stinking up the house.

      2. femaelstrom +14

        I didn’t quite absorb the “left his family” part of the story at first so I had about 30 seconds of “so….wait, her great-great-grandmother was a prostitute who put corpses on her porch? That’s metal as hell.”

      1. packedsuitcase +2

        Not sure – I will check a timeline and see if a name rings a bell. Sadly my presidential knowledge is minimal at best.

    10. SarcasticFringehead +19

      One of my second cousins is an anarchist who went to jail for a while for trying to blow up a bridge in Spain. A year or two ago I got a haircut and decided I wanted some coffee, and the closest coffee shop to me at that moment was the anarchist collective coffee shop, and then I saw my last name in the rack of ‘zines/etc. and it was some essays he wrote about climate change that were interesting but pretty flawed.

    11. Mrs_Peel +27

      Pretty much everyone in my family history was ridiculous and/or a loser. We have:

      1.) Guy who got his head cut off and stuck on a pole, after taking part in a failed Irish rebellion in 1798;

      2.) Guy who got transported to Australia and escaped by working on a slave ship;

      3.) Guy who was Custer’s right-hand man and died at Little Big Horn; and

      4.) Irish guy who enlisted in the Germany army during WWI for some reason, and saved Hitler’s life (d’oh).

      (My friend once asked, “Didn’t anyone in your family ever fight on the winning side?!” No.)

        1. Mrs_Peel +17

          Oh, my grandfather will be happy to tell you. For hours. You don’t even need to buy him a beer first.

          You can also hear about how he wrestled a panther once, which is my second-favorite family story. (After the time my mom burned my grandma’s eyebrows off, while teaching her how to smoke a bong).

          1. CleverManka +6

            Please, please write and publish this. Self publish if you have to. I WILL BUY IT.

          3. Mrs_Peel +12

            Oh, and that article reminded me of one I forgot:

            5.) Guy who tried and failed to blow up Westminster Bridge for the Fenians.

            The Irish, History’s Most Hilarious Losers.

    12. jenavira +7

      My grandfather was a fireman in World War II, and he always says it was because he was little and could run faster than everyone else. Not for fire-related reasons – because it was the firemen’s job to go pour out all the liqour they could find on the night before a battle. (At this point in the story he usually started cackling like a loon.)

    13. kirpunz +13

      I just learned that my Grandpa golfed with Viggo Mortensen one time! My uncle-by-marriage brought his son and my grandpa golfing. If you didn’t have a full 4 they paired you up with other people, and their fourth was Viggo. They had no idea who he was at the time (it was a long time ago). And then Viggo made my grandpa cry by asking him what is was like to grow up in a family with 15 kids. My great-grandfather was an abusive asshole, and my grandpa responded by saying he didn’t think he was going to live to see 13. So you know, lots going on there.

      I also got some stories about how my grandparents, who were amazingly wonderful at being grandparents, were terrible parents.

    14. megalesias +8

      I mean, my best story is still the shot-off-hand-with-a-harpoon guy (2- or 3-greats grandfather). He’d gone off on a whaling boat for adventure the summer when he was 19, and survived the entire journey just fine. It was when he came home and was showing off the harpoon in the back yard, that’s when he shot his hand off.

      My other crazy family stories involve a lot more murder-suicides and vigilante-justice-by-way-of-murdering-foreigners, so. Not as much fun…

      1. kilks401 +2

        there some cool stories about owning Irish bars in the 30s and 40s post Prohibition when they would serve like ridiculous food, hot dogs only? because in those days one had to serve food with alcohol. Also, having to keep the lights on inside and the blinds open at all times.

        Also, the grandfather who served in the British army in India and the other grandfather who left Ireland for being too involved with the predecessors of the IRA.

    15. gripyfish +10

      One of my ancestors was an actual snake oil salesman in Chicago in the 1900s.

      That said, my girlfriend has both a Jewish gaucho and a guy who got ‘accidentally’ shot in the head at a barn-raising in her family, so out of the two of us, I think she wins.

      1. Mrs_Peel +4

        A Jewish gaucho!! Now I’ve heard everything.

        I grew up across the street from what I thought at the time was an actual castle, but was really just a 19th c. replica castle built by a patent medicine king:

        He sold all kinds of “kidney and liver cures” that were some kind of combination of snake oil and straight-up alcohol. (I have one of the bottles at home).

    16. depizan +6

      In mid 1800s, one of my great-great whatever grandpas had an affair with his wife’s unmarried sister. Unmarried sister then had a baby. Since it was out of wedlock, to hush up the scandal, grandpa and his wife adopted the baby. I’ve always wondered about ggg-grandma, if she was ever able to forgive her husband or her sister and how she felt about adopting that child. And wondered about the sister, if it was her choice to give up the child or if it was under duress; and from what I can tell, sister remained a part of their lives, so how she felt seeing her child raised by others and not being able to acknowledge the real relationship.

    17. lilah80 +20

      How about my grandparents’ secret marriage full of lies at the 1938 World’s Fair?

      So my grandmother Nancy went with a group of her girlfriends to the World’s Fair in New York City, where she met my grandfather, Fred. Nancy was a red-haired china doll, Fred was tall, dark and handsome. Nancy was the daughter of Irish Catholic immigrants, who worked as the housekeeper and chauffeur to a wealthy family in Chicago. But she told HIM she was the daughter of the wealthy family (they owned a tidy little coffee empire). Fred was the son of a Tennesee sharecropper, and was working as a busboy at a fancy NYC restaurant. But he told HER that he was the maitre d. They got married three days later.

      At the end of the week, Nancy went back to Chicago, telling no one that she’d gotten married. Six months later, Fred moves to Chicago, and they “meet” and “start dating” and “get married,” still telling no one that they’ve actually been married for about a year at that point. My Uncle Freddie is born more than nine months later.

      These two weirdos continued to treat their meet-cute story as a deep, dark secret until their deaths, even though the news had leaked out via Nancy’s sister decades earlier, and nobody cared.

      My dad said the moral of this story is that premarital sex is good and healthy. Because had his parents felt free to just sleep together back in 1938 without getting hitched, they wouldn’t have made each other miserable for the next 50 years.

      1. LezzyBeaverman +5

        That is a GREAT story, and I would absolutely watch it as a movie.

    18. femaelstrom +15

      For as long as I can remember, there’s been a sketch hanging on the wall of my parents’ house of a strong-jawed man with a receding hairline and glasses. My entire life until the age of 22, I assumed it was a somewhat-impressionistic drawing of my dad. I learned a few years ago that I was wrong.

      When my mom was in college, she studied abroad for a year in the Soviet Union. She got dysentery in Georgia. (In Soviet Georgia, dysentery get you.) All of the people who were supposed to be in charge of the undergrads were drunk. She was dehydrated and delirious and no one did anything. Then a guy in the hostel where she was staying finally wised up and got her to a hospital; he probably saved her life. He drew that portrait, and apparently it’s of Gustav Mahler.

      Not super ridiculous, but it was a major fucking plot twist in my life that the “sketch of my dad probably done by a student or a friend idk” is actually “sketch of Mahler done by the guy who saved my mom from dying of dysentery.” Also, the matter-of-fact way my mom told me “I got dysentery in Soviet Georgia” has never left me.

    19. mbculver +7

      My husband’s many-times great-grandfather was a Dutch sea captain who got kicked out of New Amsterdam colony in the late 1600s for trying to sell his wife to pay his gambling debts.

      (Sometimes my MIL’s genealogy research uncovers these nuggets of amazing.)

    20. spring chickens +5

      I love this thread!

      On my dad’s side of the family, there are a number of people we only know about through census & government records because they were mostly illiterate rural Scandinavians who fled a famine and didn’t write anything down.

      1) The wife of one of my grandfather’s great-uncles repeatedly tried to get a pension from the government because her husband died while in the military. He died in a bar fight, because somebody hit him in the head with a brick wrapped in a handkerchief. The government refuses because bar fights do not constitute active military duty.

      2) In the same war another great-uncle dies because he is riding on one of those roofless train cars with a mass of men (a cattle car?) and the train went through a tunnel and he was the only one who didn’t duck.

      1. dakimel +1

        I love this thread, too! My only good one is the great-uncle who died from a mule kick. I mean, there’s drama in the family – escaping pogroms in Poland, etc – but not zany weird stuff.

        Oh, wait, there’s that other great-uncle, who started business after business and kept flashing money around but never gave much to his wife & daughters, then ended up divorced & old & married his young nurse then died really suddenly. He was flash.

    21. fenixdawn +6

      Literally just a few hours ago, my mom told me a ridiculous story about her and her sister today, and then commanded “DO NOT POST THAT ONLINE.” Alas.

  19. her_again +10

    Toast, let’s talk freebies! Your best tips and tricks for getting free stuff? Things you’ll never pay for again? Best thing you ever scored for free?

    I’ll start: My best set-up was when I was a broke student, living across the road from a bakery. My boyfriend and I had their closing times memorized. We’d allow an extra hour for the staff to clean up and go home, and then saunter across the street with a few canvas shopping bags and dive the fuck out of those dumpsters. We almost always came away with so much stuff that we had to give away extra muffins, pastries, and loaves of fancy bread to our friends and family (with full disclosure of course). But we knew to stay away on Wednesday nights, when a shady-looking character would come along with a wagon hitched to the end of his bike and take absolutely everything.

    Now that I have regrettably left that living situation behind, my best source of free stuff is probably my job. Free coffee, tea, and candy, plus free baked goods every Friday. I regularly (mis)use the office printer to print school stuff, and just recently I discovered several healthy-looking mint bushes near the back door to the office, which contributed to a batch of pea and mint soup I made earlier this week.

    Tell me your tales of freebies!

    1. AddieJoy +3

      When I was an undergraduate, I got a small grant to cover my research over the summer. This involved a LOT of reading. I camped out in my favorite campus coffee shop, which would have gotten really expensive… but I made friends with the barista and helped close up most days. I got all the free coffee and day-old baked goods I could handle for the rest of the summer.

      *do not make friends with people just to get free things from them
      **they can tell

    2. paddlepickle +13

      I have a bakery one too! There was this bar that we used to shut down all the time (oh youth) that was right next to a bakery– so we’d stumble out at 4am and be overwhelmed by the smell of fresh baking bread coming out of their big warehouse. One time we were, yknow, drunk and young and stupid so we decided to march into the warehouse and ask if we could buy some bread– and the sweetest men ever just GAVE IT TO US. BIG loaves of the warmest gooiest freshest bread you ever had. We did that like five more times afterwards, and talked about how we should bring them a gift or something but we suck and never did.

      Also, my best friend and I are really good at sneaking into VIP sections and backstages. Our philosophy is that if you can say with a straight face “I’m on Dr. Poop’s list” you will always get in because that is too ridiculous to not be true if you’re not laughing (we can do it without laughing maybe 30% of the time). One time we were hanging out stuffing ourselves with free wine and cheese backstage at a Mates of State show/ Bicycle Film Festival event and a security guard asked who we were ,and my friend said “I won the NYC Triathlon and she’s my date”– worked.

    3. robotneedslove +12

      Welllll….. I have an expense account now, so I market a LOT. In restaurants. Over lunch. Sometimes it’s a bit surreal to be like “I’m eating a $32 main and a little bit of it is because I’m out of cash for the week”. Am I poor or am I rich?

    4. testingwithfire +3

      My job supplies crazy amounts of beverages and pretty damn high quality snacks. They have machines that grind and brew Starbucks/Peets coffee while you wait… better than what you can buy for the most part.

      Perhaps unsurprisingly, the funniest thing about our community Intranet is the board where people bitch about snack vendor changes.

      Tech meetups in the evening are great sources of free food BTW.

    5. SmrtCookie +2

      When I was an undergrad I worked for my university’s housing department for one summer and got all the freebies. One of my duties was sorting through the mail and seeing what could be delivered, what could be forwarded to students who had left for the summer, and what to to toss. A lot of stuff couldn’t be forwarded. Most notably all those free pantie coupons from VS and CDs from Columbia House. We also checked conference people in and out of dorms. Conference people were often given swipe cards loaded with $$ that could be used anywhere on campus. Including the bar. Any they all got tossed immediately after being returned so we were free to pocket those cards and cross our fingers they had cash on them.

      1. Erica_Stratton +7

        I was on the cleanup crew for my college as well, and spent the first week of summer break going through every room on campus and clearing out what was left. My greatest find was a floor-length, dove grey formal gown *in my exact size*. I wore it on special occasions for the next two years and people showered me with compliments… as long as I didn’t tell them where I got it!

        1. SmrtCookie +7

          Amazing! I forgot about all the stuff I’ve gotten because people left them behind at move out. My favorites are the sofa I still use today and a TROMBONE!

    6. Mrs_Peel +1

      Not free exactly, but (when I was a broke student) I used to hit the public market about an hour before closing and get some great deals. Though sometimes they would throw in some extra things, just to get rid of them.

      My then-boyfriend and I did occasionally score some free bread by visiting bakeries right before closing, too. (We got a fabulous rye bread for free once at Zabar’s in NYC, which was one of the greatest things of my life).

    7. LadyPoopjokes +8

      The company I work for sells a product through its online store and some glitch in our shipping system is currently causing an enormous number of orders to reship so people are getting hundreds of dollars of free duplicate orders and it’s a food product so we can’t even accept returns (legally, it all has to be thrown away if it comes back to the warehouse), so that’s an excellent way to get free stuff that is currently causing me a great deal of stress!

    8. OliviaPJones +2

      A broke acquaintance I used to know knew exactly which toilet paper dispensers in her college were usually unlocked and would steal a roll of toilet paper when she was out.

      I am pretty sure that 90% of the reason I worked in restaurants for the first half of my twenties was because of free food (we had to pay 50% if we ordered from the kitchen but you could get hooked up if you were cool with the cooks).

    9. femaelstrom +23

      I happened to be in a fancy coffee shop a few months ago, killing time after work. All of the baristas were absurdly, inhumanly hot, it was actually spooky. A few minutes before they closed up one of them went around whispering to patrons that all the pastries were free and we should grab whatever we could carry. I lived on tarts and croissants for the next few days.

      I haven’t been back, so this may have been a wonderful dream but if it was then WHERE DID THE PASTRIES COME FROM? explain THAT atheists

    10. socktantrum +2

      When I first moved to my current city for grad school, I was bemoaning the fact that my cat’s fur was all over the carpet and that I’d need to buy a vacuum–I’d never lived in a place with carpet before. LATER THAT SAME DAY I found a little vacuum by the side of the road, on which someone had placed a sign that said “Works Great!” It makes my house smell a little funny whenever I use it but it’s held up for three years.

  20. pretty_monster +28

    YOU GUUUUUUUYZ!!!! i got to see the Decemberists on Wednesday night and snagged a 3rd row seat when Colin made the “guess those people aren’t showing up so other people should claim these prime seats” announcement and it was everything i’d hoped it could possibly be and more.

    1. mmsees +5

      I’m going to see them tonight and I’m so excited! I’m so glad it was excellent and you had a great time.

      1. pretty_monster +1

        they did not. it’s one of my favorites, too, and i was hoping for it.

        but i loved every single song that they did play. i didn’t not squee at the beginning of a single one. and i knew all of the words! i only knew all of the lyrics for 2 or 3 last time i saw them (3…4… years ago?) so i sang my little heart out the whole show. LOVE <3

        1. safvn +2

          ahhhh that’s so wonderful. Congratulations on this excellent experience!

  21. gloriana232 +20

    ONLINE DATING!

    1. Guy who felt I was too sexy to be around and needed a break from me just texted me something about portmonteaux and I’m suddenly not super interested in talking to him. I guess this is my belated reaction to how weird that got.

    2. Still meeting date’s wife! AHHHHH. I just found out her wine preferences, so I’ll bring that.

    3. Finally met a guy that I was sort of already planning to stop talking to, and for some reason, was ready to host him at my apartment and make him dinner and let him stay over since he was coming in from out of town. That was probably the worst date I’ve ever done to this point. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

    4. I’ve now furiously texted and been on two dates with Glory Hole Patrol guy (yes). We’ve jokingly put out ideas for about half a dozen dates now, so probably one of them will materialize — Simpsons trivia night, Simpsons musical, or veggie-focused cooking class.

    1. ramina +9

      I have date number…I lost count? with the guy I’ve been seeing tonight, and we are driving an hour plus to my favorite chicken wing place, and like…I like the guy a lot! Straight up! But I kinda want him to make a move on me (as I was lamenting last open thread…) but I think I may need to have a “so where do you see this going because I want X” because I just…I can’t get a good read on where he wants it to go. Aaaaaaah.

      1. gloriana232 +9

        You should totally talk to him! I bet he’d like it too, or at least not dislike it. If you know how you feel or what you’re hoping for, that’s super helpful. Don’t need to read! Ask!

        1. ramina +8

          I am super bad at using my words at times, usually times in which romantical things are involved, but damnit I’m gonna try.

          1. meetapossum +11

            Man, I feel you. Sometimes it is SO HARD to just say what you want. I blame the myth of the “Cool Girl.”

      2. lassotabasco +19

        STORY TIME: Last year I went out with this one guy a BUNCH and we kissed and stuff but he always avoided getting any, um, *cozier* with me for unknown reasons. Like, nothing even PG-13. And with no explanation. I had never experienced this before and haven’t since, and I wanted to say to him “WHAT IS UPPPPPPPPPPPP DUDE?” but I was scared and I didn’t. Then one day, I broached the subject by asking him very breezily (I thought) “where he saw this going” and his reaction was like “OMG WHAT WHAT DON’T FORCE ME TO MAKE A DECISION WHY ARE YOU BEING ALL WEIRD AND PRESSUREY” and then he never spoke to me again!

        There’s really no lesson to get from that story, but there you have it. Dudes are weird as fuck.

        1. lassotabasco +6

          Oh, I forgot to mention that the dates and smooching and avoidance of sexytimes went on for a period of three months before I tried to talk to him and he freaked out. Major waste of time. Oh, if I could have those three months back!

    2. meetapossum +12

      Online dating!!

      I went on a date from OKCupid on Tuesday and it was…kind of amazing? We went to see live jazz music and he is tall, bearded, smart and nerdy, and likes board games. He’s also Canadian, but nobody’s perfect 😉

      He even offered a plan for a second date while we were still on the first date! We’re getting together next week! I think I have a chance with this guy.

    3. SmrtCookie +25

      I got the most ridiculous message(s) this week. This dude messaged me and asked me how open minded I am. I can tell by the profile this dude is garbage but I kind of wanted to see what his deal was? Because I’m terrible? So I ask him about what. He sends me back this massive massive message about his dating philosophy and how he doesn’t want to be friend-zoned so he has a QUESTIONNAIRE he sends out to potential dates and he wanted to know if I’m open minded because the questionnaire is extensive and contains many personal and SEXUAL questions. I obviously say thanks but no thanks and he sends me back ANOTHER massive message mansplaining why the questionnaire works. I kind of want to copy/paste the text of these messages because I don’t don’t think I’m fully getting across their level of crazy but I also don’t want to log in from my work computer…

      1. Absotively +10

        Isn’t his questionnaire basically what OkCupid already does? More-or-less? He sounds like he’s reinventing the wheel, badly, in order to drive away the people he wants to date.

        1. SmrtCookie +31

          Oh yeah, his second response basically said “If you don’t do the questionnaire you’re stuck up and I don’t want to date you. If you’re offended by the questionnaire you’re too sensitive and I don’t want to date you. If you lie on the questionnaire you’re a liarface I don’t want to date you. If you tell the truth on the questionnaire I probably won’t like the answers and I won’t want to date you.” So good job dude. Way to keep your toxicity far away from every actually dating anyone!

          1. kirpunz +18

            Sounds like he is removing himself from the dating pool. Well done sir! Now if he could just be quiet about it.

      2. m98widow +17

        Oh man, fuck that dude*. He’s got MRA written all over him.

        (Not in the sexual way.)

      3. ramina +9

        I once got a HUMONGOUS message from a dude who had like, picked through my profile with a fine-toothed comb, asking about Every. Little. Detail. and I was like lol wut? I didn’t reply, but he was also like ten years older than me and while fine for some, that’s kind of a red flag for me – amongst a sea of red flags.

      4. blunderbusst +32

        Nothing says “guy who doesn’t hang out in the friendzone” like PAPERWORK.

        1. SmrtCookie +8

          The thing is- I love quizzes and questionnaires! If a dude that I liked pulled something like that out on the 3rd or 4th date and said hey, lets do this together and see what we learn about each other just for fun in a non-judgement-this-is-not-a-test way? I’d be all over it!

          And yes, he did you the word friendzone.

          1. blunderbusst +6

            That is fair. I’m gonna keep hating Entitled Paperwork Asshole though, if that’s ok?

      5. Passing_Strange +9

        Whoa, that is something else. I mean, I have joked in the past that I would love to be able to administer a test for men with essay questions like “what does intersectional feminism mean to you?” before they are allowed to talk to me, but I would never actually do that because I am not the actual worst.

        Also what a horrible set-up. If you don’t fill out this questionnaire you are not open-minded? That is some fairly obvious manipulation that I don’t know who he expects to fall for.

      6. j_bird +2

        I would love to see this questionnaire, if you have a chance to post it. MRAs are hilariterrible and I enjoy hate-reading their output.

    4. LacaunaKale +13

      I have quit. OK Cupid guys all start mansplaining in the second message. And this week I was going to meet a semi interesting sounding guy from tindr for coffee. Then he messages me at 11 at night asking for full body selfie because my other pics “are teasing the fact that you have curves” AND BLOCKED

      1. 2for1cheesecake +9

        o god. yeah, the middle of the night photo requests. A) I AM ASLEEP and 2nd. try not to be so gross right off the bat, maybe.

  22. thebellewitch +2

    IDAHO! Any Toasties know anything about Idaho? Idaho Falls area, specifically – I’m seriously considering applying for a job there, but never having been to Idaho in my life, I don’t know how bananas this is. (I did live in western Montana for a short period.)

    Honestly, I am going to be shocked if anyone has an answer to this question, but am also intrigued to see if any Idaho toasties come out of the woodwork.

    1. Thujaplicata +1

      I grew up in N Idaho and went to college in southern ID (Boise area) so I had some friends from Idaho Falls. Most of what I know about it is that it is very very Mormon and fairly flat and dry. I’ve driven through it fairly often, but never really stopped. If you want more info, let me know and I’ll talk to my friends who still live in southern ID for more up to date info.

      1. thebellewitch +1

        I suspected the very very Mormon thing! I grew up in a conservative area, but live somewhere pretty blueish now, so that would likely be an adjustment. I wonder if the national lab there changes the attitudes/demographics any.

        1. Thujaplicata +1

          Oh, INL! I just realized I’m having lunch with a friend whose dad used to work there! I’m going to send her an email right now and ask about it, thanks for the reminder!

      2. Joyous_ness +2

        Oh where in North Idaho?! I grew up there too (Post Falls)….sorry can’t be much help about Idaho Falls.

    2. Pierre +1

      My parents own a ranch near Ketchum and Idaho Falls is where everyone goes for anything you don’t want to pay private-jet prices for in Ketchum. It seems like a well-run town, surprisingly good food (I’ve spent time in North Dakota, and it is an improvement on that), the Mormons seem to keep to themselves – this is a little random but I have never seen such constant, flagrant, borderline murderous flouting of traffic laws and customs in my life as in Idaho Falls. I’ve driven a lot of places, but especially on the INL-Idaho Falls stretch things get crazy.

    3. blueblazes11 +1

      I used to live just over the border in WA and have family in the Boise suburbs. It’s a deep red state, and not just because of the Mormons. I feel like almost everyone I meet there when I visit is a pro-gun, anti-abortion, “state’s rights,” gaybashing sociopath. The sprawl also got to me. Boise is a town built for cars instead of people (huge, wide, straight roads that lead to enormous parking lots and vasts tracts of identical McMansions).

      But that’s the opposite end of the state so not really answering your question. 🙂

      If I were looking to move there, I would spend some quality time on the City-Data forums. That’s where you can usually get the real dirt on a town.

  23. Atalanta_Is +92

    I am bi and my parents were pretty homophobic, so I kept that under wraps for years. I came out this week and it went amazingly well — I was expecting a big fight or for them to not believe me, or to tell me to just essentially be straight; instead my parents were super supportive and great about the whole thing. I am still dizzy with relief tbh.

    (And, in my haze of relief, I semi-impulse bought tickets to Alinea for me and a friend. Under normal circumstances I would have agonized over that for a while; I was riding so high on not getting disowned I didn’t even flinch at the price. So, excessively expensive fancy celebratory dinner, here I come!)

    1. safvn +2

      This is all so exciting! Congratulations! And I am 100% behind you on those Alinea tickets – I have always wanted to go.

    4. Bryn (Plus Others) +2

      Congratulations! and I hope Alinea is *wonderful* and you tell us all about it!

    8. Ethylbenzene +3

      OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO TELL ME ALL ABOUT ALINEA WHEN YOU GO OMG OMG OMG

  24. Linette +3

    Hypothyroidism thread?

    I may or may not have hypothyroidism, on top of the TMJ and the displaced ribs and the depression and everything else that has gone wrong in the last few years. But the other stuff might be related? Not the displaced ribs, I know exactly where those came from. But maybe other stuff? Let’s see!

    Here’s what I have that is matching up with hypothyroidism:

    * Gaining weight like crazy, not losing weight when I should. Notably: while hiking 6-8 hours a day for three months, only lost about 15 lbs. I had probably 40 available to lose. Seems weird. Then in the last 5 months I’ve put on 30 lbs, even though I’m decently active and I am not intaking enough calories to reasonably gain a pound and a half every week. Also weird.
    * My temperature is consistently about a degree lower than it should be.
    * I have an incredibly hard time both waking up and going to sleep.
    * Depression, mood swings, general mind-not-worky-right bullshit.
    * Messed-up joints, rapid muscle loss
    * Diagnosed with REALLY low, should-have-rickets levels of vitamin D last year
    * Constipation
    * TMJ
    * Familial history of thyroid problems

    I do not have brittle nails, which is a common symptom. I’ve shed like a cat my whole life and I have very thick hair so being able to gauge whether my hair is thinning is right out, and I live in the mountains, so dry skin is just my life now.

    All of the above symptoms started around the time life got incredibly stressful, so this feels like maybe the stress set this off? Which is apparently very common? One more thing to blame on my mother, I guess?

    I have to wait until my annual exam on the 22nd to get any of this checked out, and meanwhile I’m trying to do the stuff that’s not actual medication that they tell you to do (cut out gluten and sugar, take probiotics, make sure you’re getting iodine and selenium) but mostly I just want other people’s stories about hypothyroidism because I have to twiddle my thumbs for three weeks and I haaaate it.

    Oh, and my mother had thyroid issues. What kind of thyroid issues? Dunno, and certainly not calling her to find out! So that’ll be a really fun conversation with the doctor.

    1. CleverManka +2

      Pls note my comment to MrsTeacherFace, above.

      Even if you do wind up actually being hypothyroid and not an autoimmune disease sufferer, it’s still a long row to hoe. NGL, it sucks. Best wishes.

      1. Linette +1

        I’m trying to do a bunch of research online in advance of the doctor’s appointment so I at least know the right questions to ask and the right tests to request and all of that, because it seems like an area where doctors in general are prone to sort of just throw thyroid hormone at it and see what happens. Which, as you pointed out, can backfire for Hashimoto’s. Thankfully my GP is a nurse practitioner whom I really like, and she treated me for depression and Vitamin D deficiency last year, so I doubt we’re going to have any trouble convincing her it’s worth testing for thyroid problems.

        At this point I’d be relieved to just know what it IS, even if it takes a long time to figure out how to deal with it.

        1. CleverManka +2

          That’s fantastic. Having your PCP in your corner from the start is wonderful!

          1. Linette +2

            Yeah I love her. She is a tiny little plump lady with curly gray hair and she bustles about in a very no-nonsense manner, but she is also very kind and patient if one of her patients, just as a random example that certainly has nothing to do with me, has an incomprehensible crying breakdown/panic attack in her office whilst asking for antidepressants.

            Knowing that she’s the one I’ll be talking to about this makes all the difference in my willingness to investigate.

    2. MrsTeacherFace +2

      I didn’t know brittle nails were part of it! Mine have been doing that for a couple of years now, so maybe this has been going on for longer than I thought. I have been very stressed and very tired this year, but I have a job that I hate and my daughter just turned 1, so it’s hard to know what is external and what is internal.

      I gained 15 lbs when I got off birth control in 2013, and I haven’t been able to lose that even though I’ve taken off all the other baby weight.

      I’m not going to give up gluten/sugar unless this endocrinologist tells me I have to. I really hope he doesn’t.

      1. Linette +3

        I completely sympathize with the not knowing if this is a problem-problem or if it’s just . . . you know, life. I had a similar sort of revelation. My last few years have been insanely stressful, and it’s normal to put on weight when you’re stressed, it’s normal to get depressed, it’s normal to have all kinds of things happen.

        So it’s not until I look back at the big picture in retrospect that I’m like, “Okay, normal to put on weight, but at the rate of a pound and a half every week? What was I eating? Was I getting a pretty decent amount of exercise? That’s . . . that’s too much weight. That’s not reasonable when you look at calories in vs. calories out.” Whereas at the time I was like, “Look, I’m stressed, I’m eating junk more often, and I don’t feel like doing anything, of course I’m putting on weight.”

        I’ve found giving up white flour/sugar has pretty much always improved life for me, so . . . eehhhhhhhh? You’ve already got the tests, so go ahead and wait for the verdict. I have to wait a few weeks to see my GP, so I’m just doing everything I can find in the meantime that might possibly improve the situation.

    3. alicia +3

      Do you also have trouble making decisions? That was a symptom that I hadn’t realized was a symptom until later. So many things that are symptomatic could be stress, that until my temperature gauge went significantly off I hadn’t even considered it might be thyroid.

      1. Linette +1

        I do. Which, now you mention it, is odd. Because I used to be much more of a “fuck it, let’s just do this thing” kind of person.

    4. OshKoshMalosh +2

      Some things can definitely be stress, but if you feel strongly about getting your thyroid tested, make sure the doctor orders it. One of my docs tried to chalk up my hypothyroid symptoms to stress, but I said let’s do the test anyway. Lo and behold, the blood tests came back hypothyroid.

      I’m just getting back on medication and I can’t wait for it to really take effect. I felt so much better the last time I was on meds, and the year and a half I’ve been without have been a real challenge.

      1. Linette +1

        I am DEFINITELY going to the doctor requesting specific tests, because even if they check your thyroid hormone levels, they often only test T4, and I’ve been told I should get T3 and free T3 as well as cortisol levels and . . . something else I can’t remember.

        1. OshKoshMalosh +1

          TSH. Thyroid Stimulating Hormone. I can’t remember if the T4 is the more important number or the TSH, but hopefully they can just test it all!

    5. OliviaPJones +2

      The weight gain could have been any number of things but what clinched it was the fatigue. I remember strongly being only about 26 years old and being so body-tired around 2 or 3 PM that I had to consciously move one foot and then the next foot just so I could make it .25 mile to the subway. I still have to fight fatigue and I have good days and bad days (also my body goes through gain-and-lose cycles with seemingly very little cause though 5-10 pounds is better than THIRTY to FORTY, which is what used to happen to me every couple of years) but I don’t feel like I’m wrapped in cotton gauze.

    6. Nausikaa +1

      Are you puffy/squinty around the eyes? When my dad is hypothyroid his eyes get really hard to see.

  25. ismymiddlename +46

    Ooooh I finally made it in time for the open thread! Toasties, I’m more of a lurker than a regular commenter, but life has been busy and I haven’t been around much lately… But that’s because I successfully defended my Ph.D.! And got a job! In Sweden!

    And it’s really just now sinking in that I’m moving to Sweden in two months, and I’m freaking out a little bit. Are there any Toast-folk around Stockholm? Or any Toast-folk who want to tell me about great things to do in/around Stockholm?

    1. Linette +4

      I have absolutely no useful information but would very much like to hear stories about what it’s like living in Sweden! Please keep us posted!

    2. dakimel +1

      Congrats on your thesis defense, Dr. ismymiddlename!

      No advice. But at least you’ll have lots of long days to enjoy settling in to your new place before dark-winter-times set in. I love being outside at like midnight and it’s still bright out.

  26. cosetthetable +15

    Toasties, my life partner has been in and out of the hospital for the past three weeks (longest stretch outside of the hospital was 4 days). All sorts of stuff is going on, and I’ve been trying to be good about asking my support network for things (but I’m bad at that, and sometimes it feels like I’m giving out assignments more to make THEM feel better than things we actually need/want?). I can deal with the lack of sleep and the worry and trying to juggle caring for him while also working a full time job and letting friends know how things are going without violating his privacy and I can do that.

    But the last straw, the thing that threatens to be just Too Much, is that he won’t be eating for the next, oh, 6 to 8ish weeks. He can have small amounts of clear liquids, but even that is sort of minimal, everything is IV nutrition. And I can even deal with the terrifying work of helping him with that.

    But we are Food People. We talk about food, we make food together, we then talk about the food we just ate. When we leave our apartment, it’s because of food, or food is part of it. And he is pretty constantly hungry. And I have historically been terrible at feeding myself at appropriate times. And I am really struggling with how to take care of myself in this way in which I REALLY need to (food is not optional), without being insensitive or cruel to him. He’ll go into the bedroom when I cook/eat, I’ve been trying to cook ahead when he’s got other things going on so I can just reheat small portions, trying to make food that’s not very smelly, I try to not have food breath after dinner by drinking a lot of water and then brushing my teeth………. I’m also going to work on a list of really great places we can go AFTER he’s able to eat again to channel all of the foodtalk I’d generally do with him.

    I can handle most of this, but this part, I’m really struggling.

    1. kay_hay +5

      Oh, gosh, I know it’s not on the same level as “IV only”, but last year Tall One was diagnosed with severe acid reflux. Like you, much of our relationship was built on enjoying food life together, and now most nights he can only handle cereal with banana and almond milk for dinner.
      Yeah, small portions and courtesy is the way to go until he figures out how he feels about all this too.
      Last month we were able to visit our favorite deli for dinner (after he scoured the menu for something not too spicy/acidic/fatty/anything) and settled on an entree he could handle if he ate half and saved half). He then started joking about “opening our marriage” to include Reuben since he didn’t want to deprive me of pleasure for his sake. We had quite an enjoyable conversation about Pastrami Infidelity and ended up parodying a good chunk of Jeanette Winterson’s Written On The Body (we are also Book People), but it took him a good long while to come to terms with it.
      I hope you’re able to come to the same. *solidarity hugs*

    2. Social +2

      Oh no, I’m sorry to hear this. If it helps, you are being so, so considerate of him, by making sure to eat inconspicuously, and you’re also being so considerate of your friends by keeping them in the loop although they are well-meaning but not all that… helpful.

      You sound like an awesome partner and a good friend and as you said, you’re juggling a lot right now. I hope you can find time and compassion for yourself too. Hope he gets well soon.

    3. SmrtCookie +5

      I’m so sorry, this sounds so stressful. It sounds like you’ve been doing a great job of dealing with it so far and I totally believe you can keep it up. You know who loves to talk about food? Toasties. Come here and talk to us about food when you don’t want to talk to you partner.

    4. kjschapira +11

      Oh man, first of all, sending you strength and warmth and equanimity.

      One thing that pops into my head is that right now, your friends are going to be looking for a way to help. This is something very very concrete they can do that will help BOTH of you: they can take you out for a meal solo or cook for you at their house, and they can talk with you and listen to you about food. They will be THRILLED that the way for them to help is something so relatively pleasant for them.

      This will also have the advantage of getting you out of the house physically, which may be a strain with your work and caregiving schedule but which people seem to agree is worth budgeting time and energy for in situations like these.

      This isn’t going to help the base situation but it might help you deal with the base situation.

    5. Bryn (Plus Others) +3

      That is really, really hard. I am so sorry that this is going on. I hope he makes a full recovery really soon and that the food can come back into your shared life again.

    6. eegghh +4

      oh man, that is rough as hell. I think I might actually have a tiny sense of what you are going through. Tiny because your thing is not comparable and i don’t want to be the dinkus who is like, that’s JUST LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO me, because its is really really not.

      But I am in in the throes of food poisoning and recovery for about a week plus now and my boyfriend is a chef and food talk is definitely how we talk dirty to each other, plus it’s his work and right now I can’t stand to hear about food or eat it or enjoy it, and meanwhile he wants to talk about a menu for a place and his latest creations and what he ate and …. so I feel at least that part. And the being sick is so exhausting because it’s so dull so when you get a whole topic you usually love taken away on top of being sick and feeling blah…it’s a bummer for sure.

      My thought is that you need to have some good lunches with your friends so you can eat bland at home or dinners right after work, so it’s not like you are off having tons of fun during your usual quality time, but you still get to have that support and comfort. I’m sure he doesn’t want you to suffer alongside him, but I think you are right to make some adjustments to be kind and minimize the at home food footprint.

      And that you should find another sybaritic self care thing you could indulge in as a couple till he’s better. Massages? Long drives through the woods? Visits to a farm full of puppies? Designing a perfect vacation plan or making a piece of art for your house? Quilting? Really long complicated board games? Honestly I know a lot of dudes resist this, but I’d be tempted to be like, hey man until you are better we’re going to go get mani pedis, in lieu of dining out. When i have managed to drag a man person to a mani pedi, they do all admit that it’s relaxing and nice to have smooth feet. Something that is maybe a new hobby or something that might be a thing you keep even past the 6 weeks, but is a good gap thing to do together.

    8. blunderbusst +3

      A food diary and a weekly meal plan could be very helpful? Sorry you guys are going through such a hardship! Is he upset about the fact that you still have to / get to eat food, or is this something you’re putting on yourself? Because you sound pretty awesome, and like you could give yourself a break.

      But! Giving yourself some structure (like, eat the same things for meals every day) could be super helpful to decreasing the amount of work you have to do for yourself, and could also ease your anxiety about WHAT to eat.

      1. cosetthetable +2

        He has been very good about it all– including reminding me to eat, or proactively going to the bedroom so that I can go make food, things like that. This is one of those situations in which a certain amount of “childish” type behavior would be COMPLETELY understandable, and he has been a champ. He has not done a single thing to make this harder for me than it already is (ie no sulking, no passive aggressive comments, etc). But he has asked me not to discuss food with him, etc. So he is sensitive to it, and it’s going to be a while, so I’m not sure if things are going to get easier or harder for him.

        1. blunderbusst +2

          So glad to hear you guys are taking a Team approach, which will make a terrible horrible no-good very bad thing just slightly less awful!

    9. blunderbusst +3

      (My SO is a super picky eater and has some “other people chewing”-related misphonia, and it’s taken us A WHILE to find ways for me to eat crunchy/chewy/delicious/adventurous things while he eats plain rice with a finger in his ear. Go team.)

    10. laurenipsum +2

      Wow, that sounds incredibly hard. Are you sure he wants to avoid food? Maybe he would still like to share that side of your life with you …

      1. cosetthetable +1

        At least at the moment, he has very specifically asked me to avoid eating in front of him without asking, and not talk to him about food. Now that clear liquids have been added back to the “okay” list, things might be a *little* better, but it’s still expected to be rough.

  27. freakyteeth +24

    I officially “can’t even” with adulting. I am not fit to be an adult. Heck, age IS a number. I’m not an adult. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life and it’s too soon to be having a midlife crisis.

        1. freakyteeth +5

          I haven’t even lived a quarter of my life yet, though! Is this like, a quarter of a quarter-life crisis?

    2. CleverManka +18

      Oh, bb, lemme assure you, the rest of us adults on here feel like this all the time, too. It’s okay. You’re cool. You’re fine.

      1. freakyteeth +5

        Manka! HEY THERE! I’m just…flustered. My brain can’t handle too much thinking.

        1. CleverManka +3

          That’s what friends and quiet spaces are for. I hope you can find a soothing mental space soon.

      2. fenixdawn +12

        Yup. Adulting is pretty much varying levels of the imposter syndrome at all times.

        1. freakyteeth +5

          NAILED IT. Definitely sucking at being an impostor. It’s like the movie “Big” all over again.

    4. Liz Rosema +3

      I’m 25 and the quintessential millennial (complete with Liberal Arts degree) I work less than I would like teaching kids how to build stuff with Legos. Someday we’ll figure it out – heck we might even have a 401k. Here’s to hoping.

  28. anon210 +7

    I’m kind of sad this week. My favorite coworker, with whom I’ve been developing an actual friendship based on board games and the fact that she’s one of the least affected people I’ve ever met, is moving to the opposite coast in about a month. I don’t make friends easily, so having a new friend move away is tough.

    1. safvn +1

      :/ that really, really sucks. Making friends as an adult is so difficult.

      I very much hope her replacement in the office can also become a friend!

      1. anon210 +1

        It is, right? And this was someone my girlfriend and I both liked a lot, and we currently don’t have many real mutual friends. So we’re both pretty bummed.

    2. freakyteeth +2

      I’m so sorry. 🙁 But you can still IM her or email her during work, if that helps?

      1. ramina +2

        This! Since my work husband was let go a while ago, we have been able to maintain regular email contact during working hours. Granted, he still lives relatively locally, but it can be hard to make/keep plans. Either way, having him around to email has made things much, much easier for me.

      2. anon210 +2

        Yeah, I’m going to make the effort to actually stay in touch (instead of just “stay in touch” the way you do with coworkers whom you like perfectly well but have nothing in common outside of work). I am pretty lazy about friendship maintenance in general, but I don’t want this one to disappear without even trying to keep it going.

    3. literarysara +2

      I’m sorry. I don’t do this often anymore, but I used to love Skype dates with my faraway friends. Chat is great, but sometimes you just want to see your buddy’s face, you know? Pour a glass of wine and chitchat at the kitchen table–it almost made me feel like the screen wasn’t there.

  29. cinnatron +66

    A born and bred Baltimorean here with good news
    tHE STATE’S ATTORNEY CHARGED THE OFFICERS CONNECTED WITH FREDDIE GREY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
    Some involuntary manslaugtter, man slaughter, 2nd degree assault, and negligence . Everyone was charged different combinations of things and some other stuff I can’t remember. The coroner ruled his death as a homicide. Also, that he should not have been arrested.

    It’s start and goodness knows how it will end but today we breath a small sigh of relief. Peole are honking in the streets at Penn Station.

    sorry for the grammer and spelleing. to excited to care

    1. rkfire +18

      FALSE IMPRISONMENT

      FALSE IMPRISONMENT

      FIVE TIMES THEY FAILED TO COMPLY WITH POLICY AND SECURE HIM IN THE VAN

      FALSE IMPRISONMENT

    3. anon210 +9

      Kind of shocked (in a good way) about how quickly the charges came down. The usual strategy is to drag out the investigation so long that public pressure to do anything subsides.

      I really hope Mosby has got her case in good shape. It’s hard to prosecute a cop.

  30. smeesmeesmee +15

    I saw this film from 1933 earlier today for work research, and found it delightful:

    Masculine Attire is Woman’s Fancy Now

    “Movietone enables you to observe much criticised trouser fashion which Hollywood started.”
    CREEPY SHOTLIST: Close shot of girl getting out of skirt and stepping into trousers. CU of legs in trousers. CU of group of legs in trousers. Close shot of group of women in trousers. Girls parade up and down in front of camera.

    Even though it is a creepy shotlist, I think the models are having a great time wearing the masculine tailoring and cute little hats. I love the last lady with the walking stick.

    1. kay_hay +3

      I love a good pair of trousers, but that suit jacket plus long slim skirt at the intro is pretty awesome too.

  31. kay_hay +14

    Week. Of. Mondays. Not least of which involved two Injuries Which Hurt Worse than they Sound and Have Embarrassing Causes.
    1. I dropped a frozen chocolate milk juicebox on my foot.
    2. I wore an oldish bra, and the underwire jumped out of its channel and stabbed me in the breast while I was teaching. I had to finish the question before excusing myself to the restroom, restore the villain underwire to its rightful place, briefly consider teaching braless the rest of class, and resist the urge to soothingly rub my injury the rest of the night.
    Sigh.

  32. anninyn +24

    Caaaaat Threeeeead

    Bonny snuggling up to my knitting:

    Anne sunning her tubby self:

    Sorry I’m a little late, I got caught up with my knitting.

        1. octopoda +6

          Thank you! I have been a hobby photographer for going on 10 years now, which helps with the phone photos too 🙂

    3. Thujaplicata +20

      Asa got to go outside on a harness and leash while I pulled dandelions in the yard earlier this week. Her first action was to climb the arbor and survey her domain.

        1. Thujaplicata +5

          I wouldn’t think it would be comfortable either, but there was much growling and hissing when I had to pull her down to go back inside. (because I am the worst and she hates me forever and ever…oh wait, are those treats?)

      1. pretty_monster +18

        the legless winter kitties are finally sprouting new stems. yay, spring!

    5. mmsees +25

      My cat loves my knitting so much, which is adorable until she tries to claim the ball of yarn for her own.

      She got a bath last week and briefly hated everyone:
      20150425_114816

      And a much more flattering picture since she is definitely a vain cat and wouldn’t like being misrepresented:

      20150406_081820 (1)

      1. MilesofMountain +7

        I am a horrible person because I LOVE wet cat photos, she looks so scraggly and angry!

    6. meetapossum +20

      Going back to last week’s talk of seducing cats, here’s my friend’s cat trying to seduce me last weekend:

      1. irishbreakfasttime +7

        this is what I call “mermaid position” when mine do it. it’s adorable!

    7. irishbreakfasttime +22

      Amka reveals himself to be as boneless as he is brainless:

      I stepped on the poor guy yesterday (definitely his own damn fault) but he is okay; I guess there is nothing in there to damage since he is basically just a sack of jello.

      Tia is having a pleasant dream about being crowned Empress of All Creation.

      1. houblonchouffe +6

        Your cat looks like my cat! Your jello is our pastry!

        (We have actually taken to calling Moa “Pastry” because he is more or less a large blob of dough.)

        1. irishbreakfasttime +4

          he is so dopey, he really is the best. Tia, who has a much more stereotypical cat personality, thinks he gives the species a bad name.

          1. anninyn +4

            Dumb cats are the best. Bonny is so stupid she has become the gold standard of stupid amongst our friends and she’s the best.

      2. LacaunaKale +9

        Awww…one of them just fell asleep while nursing. This is the best thing ever

      3. mmsees +7

        I’m reading papers all day and am very much considering just leaving this on in the background. So many kittens.

    9. MilesofMountain +32

      Yesterday we found a tiny high-vis vest left behind by the house’s previous owners. Obviously, we put it on the cat.


      It has a lovely waist-cinching effect.

      He didn’t seem to mind, actually. Also, it meant that he was easily spotted outside, even when it started getting dark. Can you see the hidden cat?

    11. bighairnoheart +19

      Finally! I’ve got actual photos I can contribute to this. Brigadier General Casimir Pulaskitty can make his Toast debut!

      I went housesitting a little while ago and the Brigadier got to go outside for the first time in his short life. (He never left the driveway. He also decided chickens are terrifying.)

      Leaves are also highly suspect.

      Overall he was more than happy to return to his proper territory and showed it by proceeding to sit on my chest for the next two hours while I tried to nap.

    13. femaelstrom +18

      Talk to your cat about catnip before it’s too late.

      These are not mine, but my brother’s cats made a Cat Knot recently:

  33. bocadelperro +22

    Is anyone else besides me addicted to Neko Atsume? It’s a Japanese smartphone game where you try to attract cats to a virtual garden by putting out cat food and cat toys (like boxes, yarn, and paper bags). It’s freaking adorable, and strangely addictive, especially considering I spend large portions of my week watching actual cats play in boxes. It’s in both the Apple and Android app store, and I just can’t get enough.

    1. safvn +2

      aaagh this looks AMAZING. I just tried to find it in the Apple store though and couldn’t – maybe it’s down? I’ll check again later.

      1. bocadelperro +4

        With the apple store, you have to use the name in Hiragana(Japanese characters). Copy and paste this: ねこあつめ
        Here’s a tutorial to get you started. The whole game is in Japanese, but it’s super-intuitive. I only had two weeks of Japanese, and it took me about 10 min to figure. Mr. Delperro has had no Japanese and navigated it just fine. https://welcometowonderland.wordpress.com/2015/03…

      2. jihanchao +2

        I found it by searching for “neko”. It was the first result, though the title is in Japanese.

    2. Thujaplicata +4

      I just added it to my phone and have no idea quite what I’m doing, but dang is it cute!

    3. sofie_fatale +5

      OMG, I just downloaded this so that’s probably going to be a resounding “yes” in about 15 minutes.

    5. perianwen +2

      OMG. I have zero games on my phone but…I think this might be necessary.

      1. bocadelperro +3

        It’s more like a tamagotchi than a phone game, but watching them roll back and forth with the yarn is very soothing for some reason.

    7. jihanchao +4

      Yes! I just saved up enough gold fish to buy the house extension and I’m inordinately proud. I like casual time killing games and this is my favorite one so far. It’s adorable and doesn’t become frustrating if you don’t want to spend real money on in-app purchases.

    8. ellehmariat +2

      This game is so cute! Do you know how long it takes before more cats arrive? So far I’ve just had one cat chilling out with the red ball even though I got more toys and food. I need more cats!

      1. bocadelperro +3

        Honestly, like with real cats, the best thing to do is to put out food and stuff and ignore them. Close the app and check in in an hour or so. They’ll show up and do their own thing.
        (this game has a pretty good understanding of cat behavior IMO)

    9. HotDoom +2

      Ahh, I just started this on Friday and I’m completely addicted! I’ve read that you can get free fish by going to the News section (now updated so you don’t have to put in the daily password) but I haven’t been able to access it. Any ideas?? MY KITTIES NEED NEW TOYS.

  34. robotneedslove +14

    So two weeks ago I totalled my fiance’s car, which sucked pretty bad. BUT I didn’t hurt anyone and I didn’t get hurt, and while running a red light is obviously terrible, I wasn’t doing anything negligent like fucking with my phone. I just made a mistake and so I’m being gentle with myself.

    But now we have a new car! (New to us, I mean). I tried to use Nicole’s email tactics, but apparently car dealers in Canada will. not. email you prices (some of my threads are pretty funny). Anyway, we found a smokin’ deal through a private sale, and our new 2009 Subaru Impreza sailed through inspection with flying colours, and now we have a hatchback! And honestly that and the stereo are the only things I care about. And the price, obviously.

    1. catoclock +4

      Ooh, sucks about the accident, but hatchbacks are the SHIT. Trunks are garbage and I will never go back.

      1. robotneedslove +1

        I’m SO EXCITED about the hatchback. I wanted a Honda Fit, but my beloved just… wasn’t excited by it. And he is excited by the Subaru, and I wrecked his beloved Mazda, so really, getting him in something he loved was top of my priority list. And now we have a HATCHBACK! Carrying stuff, here we come!

        1. catoclock +1

          I have a Versa, which is Nissan’s version of the Fit, and I looooooove it. I’ve had it for six years or so and my boyfriend and I successfully packed all of our college shit into it on multiple occasions. It’s basically the car version of Hermione’s magic infinity bag.

          1. luckierluckiest +1

            Me too, my first brand new car ever is a 2011 Versa and I love it and will never not have a hatchback.

      2. houblonchouffe +2

        So true. So, so true. Never ever will I own another coupe or sedan. Nope.

    2. houblonchouffe +2

      IMPREZAS 4EVA. I love mine beyond description. Welcome to the club.

  36. aqueousmedium +17

    Thank you to the Toasties who offered advice a few weeks ago when I was dithering about my parents’ sudden need to relocate in a very tight rental market and whether I should offer to buy them a place. I kept my mouth shut! They found a new place to rent! They’re taking the need to downsize with remarkable good grace so far!

    My dad in fact has become the beloved of the local flea market guy, having thrown open the garage and said, “Anything you like, take it”. The last time we talked, he was busy drawing scale diagrams of the new place to figure out furniture placement, because that’s my dad.

    1. deleted7410012 +2

      i remember this! i’m glad your parents are being gracious, and that you didn’t get stuck in the middle of a muddle! and it sounds like your dad is having a blast, haha.

  37. Natushka +3

    Librivox thread!

    Who are your favourite readers? Do you have accent preferences and is that horrible? What books have been your favourites to listen to? Any excellent finds? Are your audiobook tastes different from your book-book tastes? Have you found other affordable audiobook options?

    1. aravisthequeen +3

      I don’t have any online audio book accounts, but I get all my audio books from the library, so free is my favourite. Unfortunately this meant I had to listen to the Jim Dale Harry Potter books in my car, which irritated me because I hated the way he read pretty much every female character

      Also up thread I mentioned the audio book to Code Name Verity is outrageously good. Phenomenal. The readers absolutely nail it and in a book where regional and class accents accents are so important it makes a huge difference.

      1. Natushka +3

        I always have such a hard time with library audiobooks bc they never have the books people recommend to me. This is why O need more Toastie recommendations!

        Maybe I should ask them to order Code Name Verity. Too presumptuous?

        1. OliviaPJones +6

          NO. DO EET. Think about how you’re doing a favor for the other people after you who will get to listen to it!

      2. Mrs_Peel +3

        Stephen Fry HP audiobooks >>>>> Jim Dale HP audiobooks

        Also, when I was living in the UK years ago, one of the BBC radio stations played Stephen Fry reading HP all day on Christmas. That was great.

        1. aravisthequeen +2

          SO MUCH SUPERIOR

          Jim Dale makes all his female characters whiny and nasal.

      3. dakimel +2

        I’ve listened to Code Name Verity twice now, and sobbed each time, and had to go and like an annoying character on the show Grantchester b/c she’s played by Morven Christie, to whom I am now devoted.

    2. alicia +4

      I do have preferences, though I’m not yet sure how I feel about some of them. I like soothing, radio-friendly voices best and lean towards plummy British accents but so long as the reader doesn’t have any notable vocal quirks I’m usually fine with it. There was one reader who had the strongest up-talking I’ve ever heard (I think she was from London?), every sentence sounded like a question and even though I’m from California where this is pretty common I found it exhausting and had to stop listening. It felt like there was something I was supposed to do but I couldn’t figure out what. I love it when authors read their own work, I never tire of that.

      Favorite ever (which I’ve mentioned here before) was the His Dark Materials trilogy, which is narrated by Philip Pullman and has a full cast for all the voices. I like Neil Gaiman’s audiobooks (also narrated by the author) too. Having recently read that Toni Morrison does all her own audiobooks because it’s important to her that her readers hear the voices of her characters like she does I’m excited to check out something of hers to see how my reading of the hard copies might differ from how she reads them.

      1. sarah_jay +3

        Vocal quirks are a weird thing to find with audiobook readers. Kate Reading has the strangest way of making all novels sound like they were written in short, stilted sentences. I really enjoy Barbara Rosenbladt’s reading though.

      2. Passing_Strange +4

        Ooh, that is cool about Toni Morrison, I love when authors read their own work (usually, occasionally they are just not good performers). My especial favorite is when comedians read their own stuff, I listened to Amy Poehler’s book and Mindy Kaling’s and loved hearing the jokes exactly as they were meant to land.

        1. Mrs_Peel +3

          It’s too bad that Dickens was born before the audiobook era, because he was supposed to be an amazing performer of his own work and audiences went absolutely bananas for him. (To the point where he would apparently collapse with exhaustion afterwards).

    3. sarah_jay +4

      I LOVE audiobooks. I mostly get them from the library on Overdrive and listen on my phone or work computer. My dog and I have been taking long walks because the weather is nice and it’s so lovely to just listen for a couple hours and walk several miles.

    4. OliviaPJones +3

      Yay! I’ve been hoping for a librivox thread!

      My favorite favorites are Karen Savage and Elizabeth Klett. I have revisited books I already knew, like the Anne books and The Scarlet Pimpernel and E. Nesbit, but I have also tried books I would not otherwise read. I adored Elizabeth Klett’s reading of The House of Mirth.

    5. Mrs_Peel +2

      I’m so glad somebody asked this!!

      I’m a big fan of Peter Yearsley (who reads a lot of Victorian stuff, and did a fantastic job with “Ghost Stories of M.R. James”). In fact, I like him so much that I sent him a fan letter, and he sent me an incredibly nice note back.

      I’m also a fan of Gesine, who I believe is German, maybe?

      It’s maybe not terribly flattering to the readers, but I have a hard time falling asleep and like to listen to audiobooks at night. So I tend to go for people who have kind of quiet and relaxing voices. I’m also rather partial to certain accents (e.g., British, Indian, Pakistani, Sri Lankan, etc.).

      1. Household_Opera +2

        I love Peter Yearsley’s recordings too! Especially the M.R. James ones. Such a lovely accent, and he makes the different characters sound distinct from each other without sounding caricature-y. His parts of the group recording of The Wind in the Willows are great too.

    6. Cateling +2

      I only ever listen to audiobooks in my car because while I can listen and drive, I find I cannot listen and multitask most other activities around the house. So I also do the free library options.

      I have found that I have a hard time hearing Neil Gaiman’s voice above ordinary road noise. So although I love hearing him read his own work, I must most times regretfully decline. I had similar trouble with the reader of The Book Of Strange New Things (recommended!), Josh Cohen.

      I love listening to Davina Porter (Outlander, among other things).

      I really enjoy listening to non-fiction and memoirs, far more than I enjoy reading them. My brain seems to conceptualize as “recorded lecture” rather than “homework reading,” and away we go!

    7. Beakses +3

      I really like Debra Lynn on Librivox- her voice isn’t the standard “audio book” voice, but I like the way she reads. She’s done some Wodehouse and some Dickens- I get really distracted when readers switch all the time, so I really like that she’s done some longer stuff all the way through. Plus I’m pretty sure I “get” the Pickwick Papers about a 1,000 times better because of her reading.

  38. irishbreakfasttime +12

    What Delicious Cycle are you currently in or often find yourself stuck in? I just bought cereal to use up some leftover milk and it’s gonna be a long cereal/milk cycle before they balance out. Also, caprese salad ingredients, the cheese runs RIGHT out and then there are a ton of tomatoes left over and the basil is somewhere in the middle.

    Discuss!

    1. CleverManka +8

      I have never heard of such a thing, but I can see how this would be A Thing for people, but I am the person who will eat the last tablespoon of mayonnaise out of the jar with a spatula, so. My problem is if there’s just a little bit left of anything, I will eat it even though I’m not hungry. Half a cup of fried potatoes remaining? Not gonna dirty a food storage container, so eat ’em now. Two swallows of juice left in the jug? Recycling picks up tomorrow morning, so gotta drink it tonight. That bag of almonds won’t quite fit in the storage jar? Better eat the overflow.

    2. msjinxie +5

      I’m in a Buttermilk cycle, and I really can’t complain about that. Oh, there’s still some buttermilk left from waffles? Better make some biscuits just because! Oh, there’s not enough buttermilk for a recipe but too much to throw out – I’ll go buy some more then I can make pancakes tomorrow.

      1. sarah_jay +4

        I solved this problem by buying powdered buttermilk. It takes forever to go bad and seems to work great in waffles/pancakes/whoopie pies, actually it’s worked great in everything I’ve used it in so far

      2. fenixdawn +2

        Somehow my buttermilk cycle always turns into …. more waffles! I recently bought a stove-top waffle iron and it is blowing. my. mind.

      3. irishbreakfasttime +1

        This reminds me I haven;t made biscuits in WAAAAY too long. BISCUITS!

    3. viviennestreet +3

      I hate these with passion! I avoid them as much as possible, because I just KNOW some food is going to go to waste to break myself out of it. The only one I’m in is cereal and milk, but I eat those for breakfast every day so it’s no big deal. THE CYCLE WILL NOT BE BROKEN.

      After that, the closest I get is my avocados on toast, but one avocado is a serving and I can always freeze the toast if I run out of avocados so it’s ok.

    4. SmrtCookie +5

      Not a delicious cycle but I get stuck in the shampoo/conditioner cycle ALL THE TIME.

      1. sarah_jay +4

        Similar, but not quite, I always mix two foundations to get the right color and I never run out of them both at the same time.

  39. testingwithfire +12

    Hi Toasties,

    I’ve thrown in some form of towel and entered the OKCupid and PlentyofFish frays as a straight woman over 40. “Fighting City Hall” is a phrase that keeps entering my mind. I’m messaging guys I like a couple times a week, indicating “likes,” etc. So far I’ve had one no-show for a phone “date” the other night and messages from guys I’m not interested in. Plus ca change. I’ll keep you Post-toasted.

    In Boston-related news, I highly recommend the BigDataWomen Meetup, which was languishing until new organizer Monika Wahi took over. Ladies from many different disciplines – epidemiology, neurology, academia, software dev – showed up at last night’s inaugural BigDataWomen 2.0 meetup, and the crowd was super nice and fun.

    If you are interested in BIg Data for ANY reason, come on out! You do NOT have to be an engineer to get something out of it. I expect the next meetup will be scheduled shortly.
    http://www.meetup.com/Big-Data-Women/

  40. celery +5

    I am wondering about how to approach the Sharing of Articles on Facebook related to everything going on in Baltimore (and for any future highly-charged situations that everyone is talking about). This week, I’ve been going back and forth on every article I see shared on facebook, to the point where I’ve argued myself out of sharing any of them (e.x., “I can’t share that ‘pictures you aren’t seeing from Baltimore’ article, it implies that the rioting is unjustified. I could share that ‘white people rioting’ listicle, but then I’ve used up my One Share per political event, and what if a better one comes along?) BASICALLY I can’t tell if I’m being “conscientious person who is considerate of the public nature of facebook” or “coward unwilling to take a stand and therefore implicitly supporting the oppressor.” How do you all feel about article sharing on Facebook?

    2. CleverManka +20

      When Ferguson first happened and I was posting updates a couple times a day, I realized that my rage was getting out of hand. I adopted a policy of only posting helping things, like how to donate money to people doing good work in the area, or what organizations were providing services to protesters. Doing so makes it plain which side I support without elevating my own blood pressure.

    3. threatqualitypress +9

      I share every article I find that is pro-protesters, and also I jump into the middle of every conversation to give people shit.

      I am a terrible person and a poor friend, but on the other hand, I think all of my authoritarian facebook friends have left me at this point, so what have I got to lose?

    4. ramina +2

      I leave my anger to Twitter and Tumblr, personally. On Facebook, I will “like” articles that friends have shared, but I have family members that are racist police officers that I really just don’t want to get into anything with. I don’t have the energy to fight the good fight sometimes, and it makes me feel awful.

      1. RoseCamelia +18

        My family is almost wall-to-wall bigots and will never, ever change because it’s fundamental to their identities. Nothing I do on FB will make a dent. Or even get read.

        So, my strategy: I keep a tally of the month’s FB bigotry and make donations to relevant orgs at the end of each month. So the Southern Poverty Law Center gets some multiple of 5 dollars for the 5 times my relatives exhibited racism, trans hate and homophobia in April. The Lilith Fund gets some multiple of 3 dollars for the 3 times my relatives publicly denied women’s right to choose in April. And I’m looking for a good place to send a multiple of 3 dollars for their mindless support of police in Baltimore on FB last month.

        I choose a multiple I can afford for a given month and which results in a number that feels in accord with my level of shame for my family. It helps me to do this. And it helps those who deserve it. And it denies attention to those fuckwads I’m related to.

      2. celery +2

        Yeah, I am full of outrage and anger and advocacy on Tumblr. But I always have that haunting feeling that I’m just preaching to the choir there, and not sharing things where it will do any good. Even though I know posting all of my opinions on Facebook wouldn’t be helpful.

        Doesn’t facebook sometimes show other people articles you’ve liked? I’ve been liking things too, and consoling myself with “maybe now this will show up on more people’s news feeds,” but I could be wrong. Or facebook could have changed the algorithm.

        1. RoseCamelia +1

          Yes, FB usually shows others the items you “liked”. But if your audience is like my family, your articles will not get read, though they are visible.

      3. Mrs_Peel +2

        I don’t share much political stuff on FB for the opposite reason (i.e., 99% of my family and friends are raging lefties like me, and it just seems like unnecessary preaching to the choir).

    5. irishbreakfasttime +5

      I think “is this new and interesting, or have I seen it shared eight bazillion times already?” But yeah, I usually end up on your side of “err in favor of not sharing.” I’m mostly preaching to the choir on my feed and don’t want to be That Guy who feels responsible for educating & informing a lot of people who are perfectly capable of reading the news themselves. This might be different (or just cause more angst) if I had more (vocal) asshats in my facebook life….

    6. sausagedog +8

      Just my two cents, but I try to limit my posting on FB to (a) info on solidarity events and (b) info on where to donate to help out. I only post opinion pieces if the author is Black, because white voices don’t really need to be heard in these times. I avoid “listicles” or satire pieces– even good satire– because I find it a bit flippant when lives are being lost, and because it seems like a lot of the time, they violate the “no white authors” rule.

      Like some other people mentioned, I really only inject my own voice on Twitter, but my Twitter is private, and the only people following me are people I actually consider friends, people I’d talk about this stuff with face to face.

    7. lilsebastian01 +1

      Different perspective: I regularly articles post 10-20 times a day on facebook, and then when something like #BaltimoreUprising comes along, I just make all those posts about that. This strategy probably wouldn’t work for everyone (I am from a very liberal place, went to college in a very liberal place, have a very liberal family, and have only worked at social-change-focused nonprofits), but it’s working GREAT for me, and I get a ton of compliments on the stuff I post.

  41. Es_Petal +30

    Caaaaake. Pear and cinnamon cake, to be precise. I am a bit sick of it since I live alone and have been eating it solidly for two days.

    4. spring chickens +2

      freeze, and then when you defrost/reheat it sometime in the next 3 months you can eat it warm, toasted, with butter!

  42. sarahsaysssoo +5

    everyone should go spend 15 minutes on the wiki page for the pacquiao/ayweather fight. I don’t care about boxing but the detail of who is sponsoring the headband and the robe and the MOUTHGUARD is so incredible

  43. rkfire +32

    Another Baltimore thread:

    -MARILYN MOSBY I DIDN’T VOTE FOR YOU BUT ILU, PLS FORGIVE ME, SRSLY, ILU

    -This is a great step, but let’s keep fighting for structural change! <3 <3 <3

    -The National Guard and police stepped up their presence at Penn/North prior to MM’s announcement because why the fuck not? It’s not like they’ve been letting the lack of property destruction or violence or even protestors deter them from being out in riot gear for funsies. ETA: @baynardwoods just posted pictures of PA State Troopers. I hope they get a chance to have some crabcakes or some shit while they’re being asked to stand around.

    [I wrote the rest of this up in advance]

    –Baltimore police arrested and released a photographer who took video of Freddie Gray’s arrest. It’s not unusual in Baltimore for people, particularly black men, to be arrested and then released later with no charges.

    -it’s darkly amusing to me that even with National Guard presence and the increased police presence from all of the metro area that a dead body was found in the cab of a semi that’s been parked at the intersection of Pennsylvania Ave & North Ave. I mean, wtf. This was right under your noses. There’s also been increased instances of shootings and or homicides since Monday. I guess this is law enforcement done well?

    –Baltimore rioter turned himself in – but family can’t afford $500,000 bail. Pretty self explanatory title; let’s all sit and reflect upon the times that rioting sports fans were given $500,000 bail.

    -Again, to support efforts from afar, please consider donating to either the legal/bail fund or the general fund set up by BmoreUnited.

  44. Faintly_Macabre +93

    Last week: dinner at a friend’s place, with three women and two men. One man is ridiculously arguing that birth control is a ploy of religious sexists to have sex with women consequence-free (I know, I know).
    Man 1: “[something something] would want birth control.
    Woman 1: “Wait, did you say men or misogynists?”
    Woman 2: “Does it make a difference?”
    Women laugh and laugh, men look kind of confused
    Woman 3 to Man 2: “Do you know why that’s funny?”
    Man 2: “No…”
    Woman 3 to Man 1: “Wait, do you know why that’s funny?”
    Man 1: “No…”
    Women basically die of laughter

    1. ramina +5

      True story: I live like 20 minutes from the actual Quick Stop. If you go to Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash in Red Bank and ask nicely, they give you the directions to the store.

      1. blunderbusst +5

        WE ARE NOW OFFICIALLY STARTING THE TOAST FRIEND EXCHANGE PROGRAM. You come to Reno and I’ll take you to all the seedy weird things we have to do here, and I’m coming to NJ for slice pizza and Kevin Smith-alia.

        1. ramina +2

          UMMM YES PLZ. I love seedy and weird (I absolutely devoured Vegas for how kitsch it was) and you’re always welcome here. Trufax.

          1. blunderbusst +2

            WE HAVE SO MUCH SEEDY AND WEIRD HERE. And I miss New Jersey. If I didn’t have THREE weddings to attend this year, I would be booking a flight rn.

    2. OliviaPJones +3

      MY WHOLE SEMESTER. Also it was my choice to say yes to all of it, so I’m totally that guy right now and trying to fight it.

  46. Social +8

    How do you take mental health days in a conservative work environment– what do you say?

    I’ve recently taken on more responsibility at work, and I’m also having a very rough few weeks, brain-wise. “Rough” as in, “almost exactly like that Franz Wright poem “Entry in an Unknown Hand.”‘ (Which I totally found on the Toast.) Even my therapist told me I should take a day off. I feel a substantial amount of guilt for even considering this, though.

    1. paddlepickle +25

      Just say you’re not feeling well– it’s a sick day.

      My therapist has also spent a significant amount of time convincing me that this is an OK thing to do, so I feel you.

      1. Social +3

        Thanks. It helps to hear other people struggle with this. I am full of guilt right now for, like, existing, so existing while not doing anything productive sounds terrible. But I’m also not getting anything done here. Ahhh. Thank you.

        1. RoseCamelia +8

          I’m glad you’re still existing. I like you.

          And taking a day off to improve your health *is* productive. How are personal responsibility and improvement not productive?

          1. Social +5

            Thank you, this is a really lovely thing to say and you are nice. I’m glad you exist too, and I hope you have a good day.

    2. robotneedslove +21

      Don’t feel guilty, just say you’re not feeling well and take a day off. That is the truth. Your mental health is health, dear heart.

      1. SmrtCookie +10

        I was going to say that exactly. Mental health is health. You wouldn’t expand upon your reasons for taking a sick day if you were vomiting, there’s no need to give a reason beyond you’re not feeling well.

    3. rhymeswitheight +9

      Ditto the above comments! Just say you don’t feel well and are taking a sick day. I’ve done it, and there is truly nothing wrong with it. You feel unwell mentally and the time off will help – just like a cold or a stomach bug. <3 hope your hard weeks get easier soon.

    4. 2for1cheesecake +8

      Agreeing with all of this. I think that you shouldn’t have to explain your sick days. Could you say “my health professional/doctor recommends that I take a day or two off,” or would that mean you’d need documentation?
      It’s hard to stick to this, because people love to ask for details, but I think it’s a good way of maintaining privacy at work.

    5. jenavira +9

      If you’re afraid someone will call you on “not being sick enough” (this is bullshit but so are some people) then call in right after you wake up in the morning, before you have anything to drink. You’ll sound scratchy and sick anyway, and no one wants to challenge a person who sounds like they might puke into the phone.

    6. Gen_Burnsthighs +20

      If you don’t feel comfortable saying you don’t feel well, I typically use the excuse of having some work done to my house/apartment. I don’t elaborate beyond “having some work done that I need to be there for” but if I pressed I usually say something vague about pipes or electrical work. My company culture discourages taking personal days for any reason beyond physically sick unto death so I make stuff up when I need time off. I stopped feeling guilty about lying to my bosses when I realized I earned those hours by working and they’re trying to steal my labor by discouraging me from using them. Those personal days are part of your compensation and it shouldn’t be up to the company to decide when you can use your own time. Good luck!

      1. PaigePoo +7

        Great tactic. “I have to let the plumber in” is the best. And +1 to realizing that you EARNED those sick/personal hours, and they give them to you for a reason – to use them.

    7. pretty_monster +8

      “i’m not feeling well. i will not be in today.”

      it took me a long time to do this for myself and you have my unwavering support of your decision to take a mental health day.

    8. blushingflower +4

      “I’m not feeling well today, so I will be using a sick day today.”
      Either call in or send via email. If there are any regular reports or things that you normally do, either ask someone else to cover them, or do them from home, if you can. Then put up an out-of-office message and take care of yourself.

    9. catmanscrothers +4

      reiterating that mental health is health, try not to feel guilty about taking a day off! It can be hard or weird to think of it that way, but you have to look out for yourself. I’ve taken mental health days just a couple times, and I like using the vague “not feeling well at all today” bc you’re not lying

    10. SwitchingGenres +3

      I just take a sick day and say I don’t feel well. You could always say you have a headache or a stomach ache.

    1. freakyteeth +4

      I’m getting better at not crying during stressful situations AND I’ve cut down on sugary stuff.

    2. rhymeswitheight +2

      What’s PT like?! I just got a prescription to go for the first time! Weird knee and hip pain or no particular reason = tight IT band, apparently. And hell yeah to the year of Journeys to Health.

      1. CleverManka +2

        I’ve been to PT for a couple different things and what happens depends so much on the therapist and your particular issue.

        My best advice would be to make it plain from the start that you don’t want to just fix the current problem. You want to address the physical behavior/body mechanism that caused the injury in the first place. Show them you’re aggressive and proactive about healing yourself and staying healthy.

        Also, do your homework about the anatomy of the area that’s hurting. It’s like learning to speak parts of the language before you visit a country. It’s their job to help you figure out what’s going wrong, but it does a lot to foster a good relationship if you meet them halfway. Good luck!

        1. rhymeswitheight +2

          Thank you, this was so helpful/stuff I never would have realized on my own!

          1. CleverManka +2

            Yay! It makes me happy it when I can help people save time/avoid mistakes/get better results!

    3. winterbymorning +5

      I discovered that I should not wear my tightest pair of skinny jeans on a day when I am very bloated from water retention :/

    4. fenixdawn +4

      After 2 weeks of calorie counting to keep my food intake at a fairly reasonable consumption (yay for apps so this doesn’t suck so bad!), my body is no longer fatigued and shooting me all sorts of “wtf is going on here” messages and I’m beginning to get some of this energy and feel-goodery I’ve been hearing so much about. Stoked.

    5. blunderbusst +1

      HELL YEAH PT GUY!!! (I’m a big fan of PT for my own physical ailments –usually caused by launching myself down some stairs or, you know, breathing — so I am with you 1,000%!!!)

    6. blushingflower +4

      I discovered that it is almost as fast and certainly much prettier and more pleasant to take bikeshare from my office to the Green Line than it is to take the bus. It takes about 25 minutes, but none of those minutes are stuck in traffic, or dealing with the smell of stale cigarette smoke on someone’s clothes, or being crammed in like a sardine. Plus then I get my exercise in for the day! I only do this on the days when I am going to boyfriend’s, but it is nice.

      I also discovered that swimming while you have intact blisters on your feet feels very weird, but that is not as inspiring.

      1. CleverManka +1

        Hurrah for double benefit of enjoying yourself more and the additional exercise! And oh, swimming, yay! I miss swimming but I don’t want to join a gym just for the pool. =/

    7. Linette +5

      I went back to the gym. The same gym I used to go to five years ago when I was about 50 lbs lighter and much, much more athletic. Which is discomfiting, and I have no muscle mass left, and that is sad. BUT:

      I started last week with 15 minutes on the elliptical and by the power of Rihanna and Beyonce combined got up to 22 minutes this week!
      I started last week swimming (I HATE SWIMMING but my bones are fucked up so low-impact it is) and I could only swim 10 lengths with lots of pauses to rest but yesterday I swam 20 lengths with very few/short breaks!

      Next week: attempting to add push-ups.

      2. lilsebastian01 +2

        If you need low-impact stuff but hate swimming (hello, exercise twin), maybe check out water aerobics? I love it.

    8. Spewingllamas +2

      I’m doing whole30 with a group of friends. I’m on my last week, and while I do feel better in general, I am so hormonal this week all I want is a box of wine and a wheel of cheese.

    9. m98widow +2

      Am back up to W5D3 of Couch to 5k, which is the furthest I’ve made it since the first time I did the whole thing a few years ago. Started doing back stretches after using the treadmill and before bed, and also gave up on the expensive foam pillow I bought and went back to two regular pillows – I no longer wake up with back pain every single day. I’m also continuing with Zombies, Run! when I am not doing C25k.

      On the other hand, I went out to dinner last night and got some sugary cocktails too and now my stomach wants to go back to eating all the things, all the time.

      1. CleverManka +1

        Sugar is evil. Just flat-out evil. I’m lucky(?) that I have to avoid it or it will cause severe inflammation issues that keep me in pain and discomfort for several days afterward so it’s easy for me to leave it alone. But yeah, if it was an option for an occasional treat for me? I’d have a hard time getting back on track.

        All that movement is fantastic, though! Go, you!

      2. Thujaplicata +2

        Hooray! Another Zombie Runner! I love that app so much. I was sick for a couple weeks, so I’m behind, but I’m getting back into the habit of walking/running and I have all sorts of plans for my base and what I’m going to upgrade next.

    10. socktantrum +1

      I’ve been tracking my calories for the first time in ages, and while I resisted it for a long time it’s actually been making me eat more mindfully. And the hip muscle I pulled in yoga last week hurts a lot less after I made myself take some time off (something I am really bad at generally).

      1. CleverManka +1

        Fantastic! Mindful eating is crucial. Even if we don’t actually change anything, it’s so important to just be aware of what we’re putting into our bodies, and when, and why. Good on you for letting yourself heal, too!

      1. CleverManka +5

        I believe gifs are a joy to be shared, so if you ever want to browse my collection and download to your heart’s content, they’re all right here.

  48. threatqualitypress +13

    Yesterday I finished the first week of my new workout program. It is pretty good since, according to the calendar that came with the DVDs I bought, last time I quit halfway through the second day.

    ALSO I have decided that maybe the gym I should make would be like circuit training, where you’d jump over a bunch parkour obstacles and then the trainer would be there and you would do kung fu with them for a minute, then run up a new obstacle, then kung fu again, &c.

    2. sausagedog +1

      I did some personal training sessions with a lady who is a certified parkour instructor and lemme just say, I have a whoooole new respect for parkour. She worked some of it in to our general-workout sessions and it entirely kicked my ass. Quadrupedal movement is HARD.

      Congrats on finishing that first week! Hope the second week is mentally easier and physically harder.

      1. threatqualitypress +2

        Am trying to design a kind of adult-jungle-gym that lets you practice different chains of parkour techniques depending on which angle you come at it.  There is a medium-to-high chance that I’ll forget completely about exercising and just spend next week working on this.

  49. lassotabasco +27

    It’s official Toasties- I’m moving to Bristol for graduate school! BRISTOL TOASTIES I AM GOING TO BECOME ONE OF YOUUUUUUUU. I am so excited to go across the pond!

  50. CordeliaFitz +2

    Toasters! Any recommendations for Boston/the Boston area? I will be staying there for a few days next week with some friends. What should I be sure to see/do/eat/drink???

    1. GreenGrasses +4

      If you’re gonna be in Boston proper, you should go wander around the Common and the Garden and look for a dude that plays the hurdy-gurdy and has a little old Dachshund with a beard. If you give the dog a dollar it will lick your hand.

      If you’re in Cambridge, go to Follow the Honey in Harvard Square! It’s the most delightful little shop that you ever did see, and as long as you’re not vegan, I can guarantee you won’t be able to leave without buying something.

      1. CordeliaFitz +2

        A Dachshund with a beard! Oh my! Thank you for the recs – I’ll have to check them out!

    2. Either_Ada +6

      These are the places I love:

      1) Burger/drinks/strict no-bro policy: JM Curley. It’s really convenient if you’re doing things downtown since it’s right at Downtown Crossing. The drinks are excellent and if you make nice with the bartenders, the drinks get even better. And they do escort obnoxious bros out on the regular. I’m a regular there. If you see a chubby lady in a too-fancy dress sitting next to a bearded giant, wave hello.

      2) Fancy drinks: The Hawthorne (in Kenmore) and Drink (Waterfront)–fancy, top-notch. Go early and/or on a weekday, or be willing to wait and deal with rich assholes. But they are the places other booze geeks ask about outside of Boston. At Drink, Ezra the Bartender is a miracle (Just look for the hot IRL Shane character).

      3) Mei Mei in food truck or brick and mortar (Kenmore). The Double Awesome is named truly, but everything there is awesome. Also, easy to pair with The Hawthorne, since they’re close.

      4) Ice Cream. Boston is an ice cream town. Toscanini’s (Central Square/Cambridge) and Kristina’s (Inman Square/Cambridge) are my faves. If you need an excuse to be in Cambridge: Brick & Mortar (drinks/snacks), State Park (like a West Virginia road house, but run by a chef), Alden and Harlow (beneath the Brattle Theater in Harvard, which is a is a cinematic gift to nerds), Giulia (delicious Italian), and Belly (wine and charcuterie, low on snobbery). Also–Patty Chen’s Dumpling House (cheap, perfect Chinese dumplings, within sight of Toscanini’s).

      5) Ribelle. It’s a hike out on the Green Line to Washington Square in Brookline, but it’s utterly worth it. Small delicious plates, non-snobby but well-chosen wines, good cocktails. It’s sort of in the David Chang/Momofuku style of food–I think the chef used to work there?

    3. fenixdawn +6

      Ooh! My sister has lived there for a few years now, so I’ve had tons of fun visiting. One of my faves is the Boston Public Library. It is free, so you can just wander through and look at some cool art in a beautiful building. Sargent and Puvis de Chavannes both did murals there, but I was particularly fond of a room with some ridiculous Arthurian cycle. Pro Tip: also a great place to sit and rest and charge the phone, all whilst taking in the adventures of Galahad.

    5. peppermint_tea +2

      I don’t know when you’re arriving, but if you’re in the area this weekend (and are going to Cambridge for all the wonderful ice cream mentioned before) Sunday is the Harvard Square MayFair which is a fun, but sort of insane, street festival http://bit.ly/1Dy4iyD

  51. allanaaa +7

    FASHION FRIDAY GUYS

    I am thinking very strongly about bare legs, but I have not yet waxed. It is constant anxiety over here, Toasties. (omg jk)

    I have also remembered JUST NOW how much sweat I produce when the temperature goes above 10 degrees C. Looking into whether I can get those Botox injections covered by my benefits. #adultliving

    What’s on your body and in your wardrobe, Toastrons?

    1. robotneedslove +8

      I get a bit sad when tights weather ends. Waxing is the worst! Plus I like skirts and the shape of my legs, but I’m not as crazy about exposing them bare in a lot of settings, especially professional ones.

      What’s on my body? Dresses dresses dresses and skirts skirts skirts. And tights. And boots. I basically never wear anything else. Jeans are evil.

      1. Steph +2

        I didn’t wear pants all winter, and it was THE BEST. I have only one pair that is marginally flattering (and they work better when cuffed), and the rest of the pinchy/baggy/ire-inducing lot are all getting turfed when I get around to cleaning my closet out.

    3. Es_Petal +2

      Fleece jumpers, woolly socks and tracksuit bottoms. Last week it wa sunbathing topless on the balcony weather, this week the heating hs gone back on and I am under the duvet on the sofa.

    4. SmrtCookie +9

      Embrace the hairy legs! Who the fuck cares! (Easier said than done, I know. i’m trying to take my own advice this summer.)

        2. bookwormV +1

          I have scars on my knees from shaving. This is part of why I no longer bother.

      2. winterbymorning +6

        I want to embrace it, but my leg hair gets to the point where I can feel it rubbing against the inside of my pants or tights, and that sensation is just unspeakably awful. It’s like the physical equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to me. Waxing it is!

        2. GreenGrasses +2

          The hair-on-jeans situation is exactly why I keep shaving! I love my legs very much but my leg hair is just too thick and enthusiastic!!

        3. viviennestreet +2

          Oh my, yes with the prickly leg hair rubbing. I can’t stand it!

        4. lilsebastian01 +1

          My experience with this was that it was horrible for about the first 3 months I didn’t shave, but now (7 years later), it’s been SO worth it in saved time and frustration.

      3. Gen_Burnsthighs +9

        The feeling of the breeze through my leg hair rivals that of smooth legs in between sheets, if you need a little convincing 😉

    5. GreenGrasses +4

      CAN’T WAIT FOR BARE LEGS WEATHER.

      I am with you on the sweating. I always foolishly buy nice dresses in the winter thinking I’ll wear them all the time come spring, but the minute it gets above 70 degrees all I want to wear are basic knits that I can perspire onto.

    6. CleverManka +4

      I am in black mourning for seeing Age of Ultron with my group of geek friends tonight.

    7. Gen_Burnsthighs +3

      Having decided that I’m just not a sandals kinda person, I’ve been searching for a summer shoe, like an oxford or a loafer, but, I dunno, less sweat inducing than leather? I can’t abide flip flops and boat shoes are too preppy. I plan on wearing combat boots until I just can’t take it anymore, but does anyone have any suggestions for non-sandal summer footwear?

      2. Steph +5

        Ballet flats! Open enough at the top for air circulation, and easy to surreptitiously air your feet out when no-one’s looking 🙂

      3. CordeliaFitz +2

        I’ve noticed a lot of these sort of canvas slip-ons around: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=7897…

        You can get them in pretty much every color, fun prints, perforated pleather: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=7897… etc.

        I got a cute tan pair with a small daisy pattern that I’ve been wearing with practically everything (pants, jeans, dresses) lately. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00RXNVEXE/ref=o… Unfortunately, they seem to be out of stock at the moment.

        1. Gen_Burnsthighs +1

          Okay yes, these are a good option. I might go old school and get some Vans!

    8. pretty_monster +2

      we’ve hit our first 100 degree day so last night i filed down my hooves and painted my toe nails. my feetz haz teh cutez. bring it, sandal weather!

      i also went through my shorts drawer to refamiliarize myself with my summer wardrobe. i think i need some new ones. i’ve only got 6 pairs and i hate 1 of them.

      what is this about botox and sweating??? i am a sweaty she-beast and this information seems relevant to my interests.

    9. sausagedog +3

      Maxi dresses are like bare legs without the brazen immodesty!

      But seriously. I bought a sale maxi from Anthropologie over winter– more than I’d usually pay for any clothing item, but it was on several-times sale– and I’ve broken it out three days in the last two weeks. I love the airflow around my lower body, what can I say?

      (It’s a super cute maxi, too. Usually I find maxis very unflattering because I have a flat chest and a big butt, but this one looks so nice on. And it’s super-soft jersey.)

    10. fenixdawn +3

      Auuughh….my excitement for spring is always mitigated by my aversion to finally peeling the leggings off for the season. That and I have some peculiar aversion to wearing sandals, because I have never found a pair that 1) I don’t hate 2) that don’t cut up my feet and 3) that I can actually walk around in. Which is probably the universal condition for shoe selection, actually.

      At home, I’m basically living in some leggings from Prana that I recently bought for yoga, that have quickly turned into the go-to lounge pant. Have I even sometimes just put a skirt on over them and gone to teach my adjuncting class? MAYBE.

    11. blushingflower +2

      I bought two new pairs of sandals because my old, much-beloved ones, had lost their arch support and my feet were hurting. I promptly got blisters, because the straps on the new sandals are not where the straps on the old ones were. So now my feet hurt in an entirely different way!
      Because of the blisters, I have primarily been wearing my hiking boots this week, which means that instead of cute spring dresses I am wearing my general “uniform” of dark jeans, a blouse, and a blazer (a hoodie on the way to/from work, then I change into a blazer/jacket when I get to the office). Today it is a black sleeveless button-down that fits well enough to wear under a blazer but is sadly a little tight in the bust and thus really shouldn’t be worn without something other it.
      I am also wearing a bandana/kerchief, because I really like the way I look in them.

      I am going to see Avengers: Age of Ultron tomorrow and I am considering wearing my knee-high Doc Martens and a dress. There are a lot of them currently hanging up in my boyfriend’s closet because I am bad at resisting eShakti sales/gift coupons.

    12. SwitchingGenres +2

      I’ve started just not caring about my hairy legs, even when I wear skirts and dresses. I shave maybe once a week, and I have dark, thick hair, so if i wanted to be hairless I’d be shaving every day. I mean, it’s not like people are staring at my legs. I doubt anyone at work even notices, and if they did, so what. And my husband doesn’t care. So, easier to just not worry about it.

      1. lady_bane +1

        I shave every Sunday in the summer, and my leg hair situation is about the same as yours! I rather like the feeling of (my) freshly shaved legs, but I’m lazy and I don’t want to do it everyday. Wintertimes though, I shave about every month, and only then so it doesn’t get unmanageable when I go to take it all off for the summer.

        I’m considering shaving my arms too, just because I don’t like the way my arm hair looks, but I am concerned that A) that is a weird thing to do and B) that my hair will grow in too fast during the course of a week and my arms will be cacti.

        1. Beakses +2

          I’ve switched to trimming for leg hair (and pretty much only in summer, when I feel like it). My leg hair is light enough it’s easy to get away with. It’s also a good prelude to shaving if you, say, decide to shave your legs for whatever reason and you’re starting from fully grown leg hair (which tends to clog the everloving bejesus out of my razors).

    13. Mrs_Peel +1

      I have never gotten anything waxed before. How much does it hurt, for realsies?

      1. Es_Petal +2

        I found it wasn’t so much how it hurt (a fair bit, but not excruciating and making you cry, except on delicate bits and ankles), but that afterwards every single leg hair grew back under a very thin layer of skin and had to be picked out with a needle. Not full-on ingrown, but just not quite breaking through to be removable again. I had that problem with waxing and epilating, so went back to shaving and then got a home laser thing.

        1. Mrs_Peel +1

          D:

          Wait, you can buy a home laser ? That seems… above my skill-set and potentially disastrous.

          1. Es_Petal +2

            Nah, they are easy and work really well if you have palish skin and dark hair. It’s ‘IPL’ which I think stands for intense pulsed light, but it’s basically a less powerful version of the laser stuff they do at salons.

            This is the one I have but there must be US equivalents. https://www.smoothskin.co.uk

          3. lady_bane +1

            I really want one of those!! But alas, I will probably have to wait until I get a job and have a source of income that is not my parental unit.

            (side note, does it, um, work on nether regions too?)

          4. Es_Petal +2

            You can’t use it anywhere delicate – you wouldn’t do a brazilian with it! But it’s fine for bikini line and tidying up round the edges of the knicker line.

    14. sarah_jay +1

      I had a job interview this week and haven’t bought new Spring work tops for over 2 years, so I went out to get something for it. I wear slacks with cardigans pretty much every day and went looking for a nice 3/4 sleeve one on Monday and found nothing! I think I might try a different mall on Saturday with a NY&Co that might have something? I have newer long sleeves (thanks Mom!) and short sleeves (thanks broken work AC last summer!) but not my usual 3/4. Target and Macy’s have been go-to store to find them, but no luck.

      1. Beakses +1

        Try land’s end? They usually have a zillion cardigan options and you can return to any Sears store (if there’s still one around you)

      1. AddieJoy +2

        Thank you! I always want to know how many dishes I’m in for before I start a recipe.

  53. firstmute +2

    Hi Toasties. I’m into my third trimester and feeling way more pregnant and uncomfortable this time around (#2). Can this be a pregnancy thread? Babycenter is great for the laughs, but I wouldn’t say most of the posters are really my people.

    1. MrsTeacherFace +1

      3rd trimester is the worst! We’re going to start trying for our second this summer, and I want another kid, but I really do not want another pregnancy. I’m going to do it though. You’ll have to let me know how the whole having two kids thing goes. How old is #1?

      1. firstmute +1

        #1 will be 5 right around the time this one is born! My pregnancies have both been pretty easy so far (fingers crossed), but the second time around is definitely harder. Everything happens about a month sooner, plus you have that whole first child to take care of. I can’t believe how incredibly luxurious my first pregnancy was. I could take naps! And go for walks! And not cook dinner if I didn’t feel like it!

        What’s really nuts is that some people do this three or four times. (After four, your kids have to mostly be looking after each other, right??)

        1. dakimel +1

          NAPS, god I missed naps w/ pregnancy #2. #1 was 3-turning-4 at the time, and the only way I survived that pregnancy was because my husband was teaching at the time, so months 2-4 he was home a lot.

          I gained a ton more weight w/ #2, was a ton more relaxed, but it was tiring as hell to only really sleep at night.

          My mom had 4 kids – the oldest was NOT YET 5 when the youngest was born. Like, imagine you have yours, and 2 others, plus the new baby. No, wait, don’t imagine that – you’ll never recover from the full-body shudder.

          1. firstmute +1

            I survived this one basically by letting #1 have full control over the iPad. Yay parenting!

            YOUR MOM THO. Like, if that were a preschool, I’m pretty sure she’d be legally required to have a teacher’s aide.

  54. eegghh +68

    The NYTimes name dropped Mallory’s Women In Art in a review for Far From the Madding Crowd today! It’s hilarious:

    ““Far From the Madding Crowd” passes a kind of reverse Bechdel test: Nearly every time two or more men converse, they are talking about a woman. When they talk to her, she often responds like one of the women in Mallory Ortberg’s hilariously captioned online surveys of Western art history, who generally have better things to do than listen to men”
    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/01/movies/review-f…

    I was so excited to share that in this thread.

    1. bibliophibian +8

      Hafta say though, “reverse Bechdel test” is kinda bullshit. If that were a thing, every gang of catcalling construction workers would be passing the “reverse Bechdel test”.

      1. eegghh +20

        It’s when 2 unnamed men talk about women’s ISSUES. Like extras go, “you know i DO think there is a rape culture in america.”

  55. deleted7410012 +102

    my male coworker was just like, “there’s nothing i hate more than someone trying to explain my own life and job back to me, like i don’t know what to do.”

    i was like, “well that’s what it’s like to be a woman, 24/7.”

    he was like, “yeah but you can ignore that”

    ???

    then my other coworker was like, “why do you have to turn it into a woman thing?”

    !!!

    burn it to the ground.

  56. PRockette +27

    I adopted two kittens this week (Dottie and Kit) and they’re the most adorable little demons. We’re keeping them in the spare room until our sweet but excitable, fat lab settles down when she sees them. The dog has taken to sleeping outside the kitten door. She just wants to see the kitties! They’ve all looked at each other across a baby gate. The kittens DGAF about the dog. The dog bursts into this weird high pitched whine when she can’t take it anymore. I have high hopes for their eventual, mutual love.

    But Dottie and Kit ripped the grate off the wall while I was at work and got into the furnace ducts. That was a fun surprise. They clearly had a great time and emerged, covered in dust, looking like wee chimney sweeps. The dog was beside herself with excitement, trying to figure out where the meowing was coming from.

    I’d add pictures, but I don’t know if I can embed a photo from Facebook.

    1. Es_Petal +1

      You can but it may be enormous – do the ‘share this with people outside facebook’ link with img src tags round it.

      Thank goodness they came out! Saffron spent a week under the floorboards when I got her, having dug her way uner the fireplace.

    3. SwitchingGenres +1

      You can–when I’ve done it with kitten pics, it’s a pretty normal size. I’d love to see!

  57. ramina +2

    Oh, also! Are any Phillytoasts going to Wizard World next week? I know at least one of you is, and I am lazy at replying to the thread, but I would definitely like to meet up at some point!

      1. ramina +1

        It’s the 8-10, I believe! I’ll be there on Saturday, personally. Tickets are still available but lol if I’m spending $350 so that I can sit next to Nathan Fillion. (My BFF actually debated this. Sarah, honey, no.)

        1. threatqualitypress +1

          Oh whoah did you decide to spring for the David Tenant VIP Experience?

          1. ramina +1

            Oh god, I wish, but a) lol money and b) I think it might actually be sold out???

          2. threatqualitypress +1

            The website says there’s still tickets left, if you want that experience.  (I assume it means you go to David Tennant’s hotel room and talk about BBC productions of Shakespeare?)

          3. ramina +1

            I think that would probably be harder than finding common ground to stand on during a first date. “Uh, so, you like theatre?” *blank stares*

          4. femaelstrom +2

            For that amount of money I should at least be allowed to get to second base with him.

          5. threatqualitypress +3

            In my imagination, the David Tennant VIP Experience is like the Pink Floyed Laser Light Show Experience,and they do it at the planetarium in the Franklin Institute.
             
            i.e.
             
            A Booming Voice:  FOR GENERATIONS, MANKIND HAS WONDERED ABOUT THE MYSTERIES OF DAVID TENNANT
             
            ::stars arrange themselves into the shape of David Tennant’s face:::
             
            ::symphonic version of Pink Floyd’s Piper at the Gates of Dawn::
             
            WELCOME TO THE DAVID TENNANT EXPERIENCE

  58. grumblyqueer +8

    So I chose my Cornstate University based on scholarships and the promise that it was the most liberal part of the state. The experience has been great so far in terms of campus life and academics, but it turns out that this is not the most liberal part of the state. It’s the only liberal part. The state legislature despises undocumented immigrants, is considering a copycat RFRA, and hs done god-knows-what-all to limit abortion access. Plenty of native Cornstate students have reflected these bigoted attitudes, and I can’t avoid all of them all the time. My question is, what do you do when your liberal pocket of a conservative state becomes unbearably overshadowed by the conservatives around you?

      1. kay_hay +8

        A great solution in theory…depends on the blue laws of Cornstate. I know it’s Sunday morning in Georgia when I want a Chick Fil A Biscuit and a mimosa and can order none of those things. Then I come to my senses about giving money to Chick Fil A and just move on to the mimosa at 12:30.

    2. rhymeswitheight +6

      My state university (granted in a pretty liberal state) had lots of political groups and organizing/activist groups that did work with the state legislature! They advocated for a lot of great things, and some of their campaigns resulted in actual laws and bills being passed! Maybe look for things like that, if it’s your interest? It could help you feel like even though you’re in a conservativeworld, there’s hope. Lots of politicians write off college students, but there’s so much opportunity to be a really strong voice. 🙂 Sincerely, a former student activist.

      1. bibliophibian +3

        This. Lobby and organize. Better yet, organize off-campus, with people who aren’t just other transient college students!

      2. bird_internet +2

        State legislative action is SO important (although depending on where you are, not necessarily good for your mental health or blood pressure). I know some really amazingly cool people who spend their time advocating for progressive causes in some very unfriendly capitols.

    3. lassotabasco +3

      If your Cornstate is Nebraska and your only liberal part is Lincoln, be my friend! My strategy in college and beyond has been to create a little liberal bubble around myself that the conservatives cannot penetrate. It works well for the most part. Just give it time, and you’ll find your people!

      1. bird_internet +2

        Yep, I’ve spent most of my life in the liberal part of red states (and even a few years in the not-so-liberal parts) but in retrospect I have known very, very few people who were openly conservative. It’s amazing how a well-managed social circle can completely insulate you.

  59. AddieJoy +4

    Thank you–this is great advice! I always feel weird flinging the blog at people, and practical advice on how to be involved and genuine is exactly what I need.

  60. Es_Petal +60

    Green Cottage U?

    I am a pony-aunt again! This little dude is my youngest horse’s little brother, he arrived on Monday and here he is eating my nose at 18 hours old. I am in love!

      1. Es_Petal +9

        You can’t be anything but blissful having your nose sucked by a foal who is too young to have teeth yet. There’s only a 5 or 6 day window before they grow teeth so you have to seize the moment!

    5. mmsees +4

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

      I miss being around horses so much. That foal is adorable, obviously, but the mama is also incredibly beautiful. Congrats on being a pony aunt!

      1. Es_Petal +10

        Dad says he needs adoration too because the good looks come from his side of the family.

        Green Cottage Ambassador, dressage.

    6. brujaja +4

      Ahhhh! Adorable foal! Thanks for sharing the cute horse love. Is your horse out of the same mare or by the same sire? They’re a good looking set, either way!

      1. Es_Petal +5

        Both! We’ve now got three full brothers – the oldest is mine, the second has been kept by the stud and is hopefully going to be our next stallion for when their dad is past it, and now this little chap.

        These are the others (mine’s the big one) – they are two peas in a pod, this one was a bit of a surprise, matching mum instead of brothers! Mine is the spitting image of his dad apart from colour – which is why I fell in love with him and had him.

        Boys

        1. brujaja +4

          How neat to have three full brothers! They’re beautiful and look healthy and strong.

  61. catoclock +4

    someone talk to me about the Premier League relegation fight please

    SPORTS WHY

    1. megalesias +2

      ooh, I’ll bite!

      who are you rooting for? who do you absolutely wish would die and fall out of the league entirely?? how do you feel about Tim Sherwood’s smug self-aggrandizing?? why did Nigel Pearson call that reporter an ostrich??

      admittedly, I’m an Arsenal fan so… the heartbreak of relegation is not something I’m personally familiar with, but I’m willing to be sympathetic!

      1. catoclock +2

        WELL, I accidentally pledged my heart to the dang Foxes and now I’m basically living in a state of perpetual anxiety. They’re such scrappers (<3 <3 <3 Vardy, that little weasel) and I SO want them to pull this off, but they have to not fall apart and I do not trust them.

        What is Nigel Pearson’s deal? WHO EVEN KNOWS. “Ostrich” is such a hilariously toothless insult though.

        QPR can stay (I mean, they probably won’t though), but only because I’m not over the whole Queens Park Raisins thing.

        I normally have a soft spot for Liverpool, but I’m mad at them right now for not doing their JOB and beating Hull. Get it together guys, you’re embarrassing yourselves.

        1. megalesias +2

          Oh, yeah, that’s tough. Leicester + Burnley both are in that place where they’re good enough + scrappy enough to frighten/occasionally beat even the best teams, but they’re still not getting the points to back those performances up. I think Leicester’s win over ManUtd is still maybe my favorite game of the season! But SOMEONE always has to go down :///

          My dad is a Liverpool fan, and they’re just…. how. how do they keep doing this to themselves.

          I would mind QPR staying up bc ew, Joey Barton, but I also wouldn’t mind it bc I feel bad for Chris Ramsey. He didn’t sign up for this.

          && Is this the place to admit that I’m kinda wishing for Sunderland to stay up just bc I am STILL so childishly amused at the name Dick Advocaat?? I want him to stay in the Premier League as long as possible.

        2. rangiferina +2

          I’m a Liverpool fan and it is… such a trial sometimes. oh boy. (My aunt’s been a fan for literally 50 years and she refuses to watch them play these days – it’s too painful and frustrating. :P)

      2. Duchess +1

        Fellow Gooner! Huzzah for never having to deal with relegation, but on the other hand I’m weirdly rooting for Leicester to stay out of the relegation zone this season? THEY MIGHT JUST MAKE IT they’re 17th rn

        Also oddly sad about seeing Sunderland in the relegation zone when they’ve been kicking it in the Prem for a while now, except then I remember that I don’t much like Sunderland & I won’t miss them.

        I would feel more bad about Burnley being at the bottom, except I’m still bitter about when PaddyPower did this “vote” for the hottest Premier League team & Burnley won. THEY ARE SO NOT THE HOTTEST they are the most white bread & all pudding-faced ugh why does this still irritate me

        1. megalesias +1

          *hi-five* I almost want to ask what you feelings about Cesc were last weekend, but I won’t because I don’t want to even think about it bc :(((

          I said this above but re: Sunderland, I only want them to stay up so that everyone keeps having to talk about a guy named Dick Advocaat. I’ve given up on convincing myself that it’s not that funny. I’m still going to giggle every time I read it.

          But yeah, they have been around for a while, and I like watching them beat Newcastle. BUT also now that Jozy is no longer Suffering there, I don’t feel as though I have to care about them at all anymore so *shrug*

          oh wow, I missed that poll. Burnley? really? I genuinely can’t recall what any of them look like. AND how could anyone vote against a team that includes Giroud????

          2. catoclock +2

            Giroud is hot in that way where I intellectually understand that it’s true but I just… don’t care. He doesn’t do it for me at all.

            Then again, I’m all about Ozil and his sunken little alien face, so maybe I shouldn’t get a vote on this one.

        2. catoclock +2

          UGH WHAT Burnley is the opposite of hot, every last one of them looks like an English schoolboy made entirely of bread dough.

          1. Duchess +1

            I FRIGGIN KNOW RIGHT I was pissed for days how could so many people have *such poor taste* idek idek

            I posted links to the whole ~vote in the comment above if you want to check it out & be irritated like I was (HOW seriously HOWWW)

    1. rangiferina +20

      look at those ears!

      Here’s Laika in her new favorite spot, aka the teeny tiny space under my desk. Especially fun when I’m sitting at my desk, too. 🙂

      1. catoclock +10

        Oh my god your dog is a supermodel.

        If she were a person she would be Natalie Dormer.

      2. octopoda +5

        Aw, beautiful dog! My parent’s neighbors brought over their British Lab and she did the same thing, found a comfortable spot under the desk.

    3. sarah_jay +13


      My Trixie likes to bury herself in anything she can. Yesterday she burrowed into a blanket next to my mom on the couch.

    4. bighairnoheart +18

      Finally! I’ve got actual photos I can contribute to this.

      Cloe gives great side eye.

      If you let her she will also sing you the song of her people.

      1. rangiferina +5

        ahhh she’s beautiful <3 she reminds me of a little cow in the first one. 🙂

        1. bighairnoheart +8

          It was even more impressive when she had her post-puppy udders flapping in the breeze. Impressive and embarrassing. No one needed to see her thirteen saggy tits.

      2. octopoda +1

        Our corgi gives a mean side eye. That is some pretty good side-eye there.

    6. fenixdawn +1

      Wow–Arya looks exactly EXACTLY like my mom’s dog, which is crazy, because he is this unusual looking dog with short legs and those absolutely enormous ears. Similar markings too! Crazy!

  63. LacaunaKale +1

    House hunting! I looked at more places this week. My mental favorites list is down to 3.
    1. Great location, smaller then the others.
    2. Big, needs no cosmetics before move in. Unfinished second floor would increase resale value. Has a garage.
    3. Biggest, backs up to a park. I a single person, do I need a 3 story townhouse?

    Or should I go for the way cheaper properties that would need more interior work?

    1. RoseCamelia +4

      It’s OK to get something too big for you IF you will get the same price or better when you sell it in the future. This is where bigger is better, if it means it will sell faster. Aim for similar size to the rest of the neighborhood.

    2. SmrtCookie +2

      If you can do the interior work, do the interior work. Just be honest with yourself about what you can actually do and/or pay other people to do and put up with. My realtor mom and my actual realtor tell me to go for the worst house in the best neighborhood (because I can do quite a bit of work myself) and that location trumps everything. This is especially true if you’re in an area where the school districts vary widely- even if that’s not a concern for you it will be a concern for many when you resell.

    3. Cateling +1

      I don’t know how old you are, but I’m mid 40s with kids in high school and there is no way I would take on three levels unless one of them were superfluous and could be completely closed off. My ideal empty nest home in 6-10 years is 2 or 3 bedrooms on one level if I can swing it, but not more than two (unfinished basements need not apply). I hate to clean, so the simpler the better for me. 🙂 When you have more space, you need to pay more to heat and cool it, and you feel compelled to fill it with furniture/stuff so be sure to take that into account as well.

  64. sofie_fatale +5

    Current and/or former grad student toasties: I am going back to school in the fall, and just found out I will be TA-ing a class my very first semester! We’ll have a few days of training during orientation, but if anyone has advice on being a good/not-awful TA, I will gladly take it.

    1. ramina +7

      Former TA here! I found that if you will be in charge of students on your own at any point, you need to dance a fine line between friendly/being a friend and laying the smack down. I may have been a bit too soft on my students and while it was great to have them actually approach me with problems – related to class and not, honestly – there were a few who just took advantage of that and milked it. They were jerks.

    2. literarysara +10

      Clear expectations. I know people throw around the word “accountability” a lot with teachers and it can get kind of blamey, but the fact is that you and your students are going to have the best possible outcomes if you have a clear syllabus and grading rubric in place from day one, set in stone, and constantly referred to. If you need to help individual students work with disabilities to meet the class benchmarks, you and/or your uni’s disability center can deal with that when it comes up. If you have a better idea or want to include a better source, forget it, include it next year. You are accountable for setting forth clear expectations so your students can be accountable for meeting them.

      When you’re new, that means you’re going to have to crib a lot–not just from orientation, but from other experienced teachers. That’s fine. All teachers steal, otherwise you’re reinventing the wheel.

      Also, teaching is a skill. No one is a born a good teacher, they become good teachers. So don’t be hard on yourself in your first year; you’ll be learning all the time!

    3. dyingofthatroar +9

      In most cases, you want to avoid TAing taking over your life. It can do that! In most programs it is supposed to be the *least* important part of your life, but they don’t tell you that upfront, and b/c it’s stressful to stand up in front of a bunch of college students every week and teach, you devote your energies to it. Make sure you keep it in its place.

      (This is advice I myself have a very hard time following)

      1. Anita +3

        I agree with all three of these replies. I was TA immediately after college and it was tricky to establish authority over people who were my peers just a few months ago. Establish the rules and expectations up front and don’t be scared to ask the more seasoned folks for help. It’s definitely better to have the students respect you than to be the “cool TA”. Also, grading goes well with cocktails. 😉 Good luck!

    4. spring chickens +2

      Focus on the students and whether it looks like they are learning or not; don’t think about yourself/your performance, think about *them*.

      They can feel the difference. It’s amazing what a difference it makes.

      I’ve never had any *serious* discipline problems. They’re in college by now, so they are really used to the roles — teacher/student. They fall into them almost too well sometimes. Don’t worry too much about them respecting/listening to you; it will happen naturally.

    5. j_bird +3

      1) As dyingoftheroar says, don’t let it take over your life. The line here is sometimes hard to find, but generally remember that your own classes/research come first, in the sense that if you don’t do well on your own work, there’s not much point to you being in grad school. If you get a student who wants to park themself in your office for hours on end, it’s ok to tell them that office hours are over and you need to attend to your other work, so they should spend some time reading or practicing problems on their own (or working in groups if that’s encouraged in your field; I know I personally didn’t realize in undergrad that we were supposed to be working in groups on problem sets!). Also, most universities have counseling centers that you can refer students to if they seem to be having personal problems.

      2) Don’t take it personally if your students seem unfriendly. Remember that they may be as young as 18 and may not be sure how to relate to someone who isn’t quite a peer but isn’t quite a professor. As Elyse and Anita mentioned, don’t get spooked into being the “cool TA” just to gain their approval; it’s better to be the tough-but-fair type. You might hear them talking behind your back about how totally uncool and/or totally unfair you are, but don’t let it get to you — ask a faculty member for advice if you’re genuinely not sure if you’re doing things right.

    6. LeastBittern +2

      Teaching is fantastic! The youth today are freaking delightful, getting to share the stuff you love is great, and it’s really really good for your ego to realize how teaching works.

      College students are nearly constantly in crisis because they are learning how to be adults. I like to tell them (and put in the syllabus) that I can work with them if they let me know they’re having academic or personal crises, but if they don’t tell me, I don’t know. I also send out an e-mail about halfway through the semester letting people who are getting a “D” or and “F” know that they are currently poised to fail, and they should stop being poised to fail: finish these assignments, do this extra credit, come to office hours. Not a lot of people treat your students like functional adults AND like people they care about; it is OK to be one of the people who does.

      realsocialskills.org has some great tags on strategies for woking with neurodiverse students – since I am a neurodiverse person, they were very good strategies for teaching people who are more neurotypical.

      The SEPAL program has some really good resources for teaching students from diverse backgrounds how to build hierarchies of knowledge in their brains.

  65. mmsees +4

    This week I started studying in earnest for my qualifying exam (so. much. reading.). My hibernation has been relatively okay so far, but it is going to be several weeks of reading and writing and questioning every decision I’ve made about my project so far.

    For anyone else who is in grad school and had to take quals (or really anyone who has input on extended research and writing periods), any advice for not losing my mind and keeping the process moving (relatively) smoothly?

    1. fenixdawn +3

      There was a point during the late phases of my dissertation-writing / studying for orals, that I mostly had Lord of the Rings (extended version, all three movies) on loop, all day, everyday. I also ate alot of grilled cheese sandwiches and watermelon pickles. I am not suggesting that any of those things will work for you BUT finding some source of repetitive comfort/normalcy as a tether can really help.

      That and (here is perhaps some more helpful advice) break up your work into segments and put deadlines on that shit. It is super easy to get caught up into reading just one more thing on a topic, and then you get bogged down in one place. Finish that shit, move on, and be ok with the fact that you simply cannot read every scrap of everything on every topic.

    2. Mrs_Peel +1

      My only good advice (from studying for the bar exam) is:

      1.) Go ahead and spend the money to install an air conditioner, if you’re studying during hot weather, and

      2.) Don’t study in the kitchen, or you’ll snack constantly.

      Best of luck!!

  66. SwitchingGenres +8

    Any one want to talk about Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell? The book or the new BBC show or both. I read the book, then listened to the audiobook, and I love them both, and I can’t wait for the show!

    1. octopoda +1

      Wait is the show out now? How is it? I need to, ahem, acquire this when I get home.

      The book was so good, one that really stuck with me. I need to re-read, it has been a while.

      1. SwitchingGenres +2

        Not yet–it comes out on the BBC in England in May, not sure about the US. But I’m excited anyway!

    2. bighairnoheart +1

      YES. YES PLEASE. I’ve been wanting to properly squeal at someone ever since the trailer came out. Where my people at? I need to discuss all of my Book Feelings.

    3. katenepveu +2

      whhhhhhhy does the BBC only release air dates _two weeks_ in advance?

      Ahem. I kind of hate the trailer that was released, but I’m hoping it’s unrepresentative. And I can talk in all KINDS of detail about the book (I’ve already linked to my Tor.com reread here before so, uh, I’m not going to do that again), what particularly interests you?

      What I’d really like, honestly, is the show to give Arabella just a *bit* more complexity, which i doubt will happen because of time constraints–really, I do suspect we’re in for dropping all the awesome minor women characters who show the different roles that women could be playing at this time, which makes me sad.

      1. bighairnoheart +1

        As long as Mrs Brandy pops up for even half a second I will be happy. I have such Thoughts about Mrs Brandy. (She plus Tom Levy and Simonelli make up my grand trinity of minor characters that I have entirely too many Thoughts about in that book. Her inclusion may or may not be because I cast my high school crush at the time in the role of Stephen Black, but I swear it really isn’t. Mostly.)

        1. SwitchingGenres +2

          Yes! I hope they include many of the minor characters and they manage to include footnote info via exposition or little details that only book readers will recognize.

          1. bighairnoheart +4

            I doubt there’ll be footnotes or voiceover or something. But maybe someone could like obliquely mention the events at Grace Adieu and those of us in the know can nod our heads sagely and feel superior.

        2. katenepveu +3

          Mrs Brandy! The thing is that she would be so easy to make soppy and one-dimensional, but she’s a highly competent businesswoman and remarkably lacking in prejudice!

          Simonelli, huh? Based on the short story in the accompanying collection? Because he only gets a footnote in the book proper. (He’s hilarious and awful and I would love to know more about him.)

          1. bighairnoheart +1

            I adore Simonelli for some bizarre reason and reread the short stories before rereading Strange & Norrell proper, so I flat out squealed when I came to his footnote. I guess I had forgotten he was canon?

      2. SwitchingGenres +2

        I’d love a complex Arabella, and a complex Lady Pole! And the woman Strange meets in Venice (can’t recall her name right now). I thought the female characters had real strength, but I can see how it would be squashed in a tv show that brushed right past them to concentrate on the men.

        1. katenepveu +3

          Miss Flora Greysteel. I love the quiet ones with steel integrity.

          My favorite is actually Mr Segundus’s rich patron, the one who wants to start a school for magic. No, wait, I tell a lie, it’s the woman who ran away from with husband to be Lascelles, who then dumped her, who thinks she’s hired Jonathan to teach her magic so she can kill her mother-in-law three times, because she is magnetic.

          2. SwitchingGenres +2

            Yes! I hope they include that bit–she’s great. This is all making me want to go back and listen to the audiobook again. It’s long and great and perfect for making the work day go by quicker.

          3. katenepveu +2

            I felt bad about forgetting her name, so I looked her up: Mrs Bullworth. (Someone in my comments back at Tor.com had a theory that she was Mansfield Park fanfic, for those of you who’ve read that book!)

        2. bighairnoheart +3

          Flora Greysteel. That was the one in Venice. And I have extremely high hopes. I think the trailer was about as representative as the book’s title for giving away what lies within. It focuses on Strange and Norrell, but in the background you can see glimpses of the others. I think the actual series will definitely be expanding upon them. (I mean, we see Stephen Black like twice and does Childermass even pop up in it at all?) Trailer’s gotta do what the trailer’s gotta do. I loved it. Mostly because the teenaged me who read the book when it came out still can’t entirely get over the fact that This Is Actually A Thing That Is Happening OMG.

          1. SwitchingGenres +2

            Oh yeah, I really didn’t mind the trailer. My worry is more about how many tv shows and movies reduce women to stereotypes. But hopefully that won’t be the case with this! I always loved how the women are all much more capable, strong, and together than the men. I’d team up with Flora and Arabella any day, and I’d love to hang out with Lady Pole pre-Lost Hope. She’s witty.

          2. katenepveu +2

            Lady Pole post-Lost Hope, I would like to hold her reticule while she runs for Parliament. =>

  67. robotneedslove +2

    Here’s a stupid question:

    How can I make our cats be friends? I know I basically can’t. After a VERY slow and difficult introduction, they’ve tolerated each other for about a year now, but the cold war has recently turned hotter (I think as the little one decides she’s feeling bolder and can now undertake some territorial expansion). For one thing, daily cat hissy fits and spats are annoying and raise the blood pressure at our house (especially my fiance’s). For another thing, whenever I see pictures of other people’s cats cuddling, I’m like I WANT THAT. Pretty much in the same way I want, like, diamond earrings. Selfishly.

    Our cats are both middle-aged. The little one is an anxious freak and always has been, although she’s getting better – I think living in a busier household than my fiance’s one-bedroom bachelor pad has been good for her. The big one is not at all anxious, and highly territorial, and very very people oriented. They are definitely both bullying each other, but the big one is usually the physical instigator.

    Anyone have any crazy advice that I haven’t read on the 1 million cat websites I’ve read? I’ve broke out the Feliway again, so that might help, but I want them to CUDDLE and GROOM each other, goddammit.

    1. Thujaplicata +4

      I wish I had a magic answer, but what worked (sort of) for my two cats was mostly just time. That and making sure they each had a place in the house that was theirs and theirs alone. Oliver has a cat tree that came with him from his previous owner and that he does not allow Asa to get up into. Asa has under the bed that she defends from Oliver. We also try to make sure that they get one on one attention from their people often enough that they don’t feel neglected. Oliver has been in the house for 2 and a half years and they only started grooming each other about 3 months ago. They still don’t cuddle.

      1. robotneedslove +1

        Hmmmm…. I’m wondering if another cat tree would help. I think some of the problem may be that the little one’s territory is all heavily people-used, so it’s hard for her to defend absolutely. We live in a three story house, and the big one uses the whole thing, but the little one lives only in our bedroom, which is the whole of the top floor, and honestly mostly just on the couch. The big one also has a cat tree which is his absolutely (although she loooooooooves to scratch it, I think mostly to piss him off). Maybe if she had a tree of her own?

    2. SwitchingGenres +1

      Perhaps another cat tree, two litter boxes, that sort of thing? I have read that when the cats’ intro was bad, that tends to have negative effects that really last. Some cats just don’t get along–I’ve always had several cats, and once we adopted a third cat who just clearly needed to be an only cat–he scared our other two cats, peed and pooped to mark his space, hissed, fought, etc. We sadly had to return him to the shelter and tell them they he was a sweet, fluffy, wonderful animal, but he needed to be in a one-cat house. The times when I’ve had multiple cats who all liked each other, they tended to get over any hissing in a week or so.

    3. gorebooth +1

      Cuddling might not happen, but peaceful co-existence and fondness is definitely possible. Check out Nicholas Dodman’s The Cat Who Cried For Help for some overall pointers / philosophy that will get beyond the Internet (though he’s a little pill-happy, you can just ignore that part).

    4. Mrs_Peel +1

      It’s pretty much impossible, in my experience. Mild toleration is probably the best you can realistically hope for.

      We had a situation where one cat was bullying the other and guarding all the food, and we had to finally give one away. They were both much happier separated.

    5. literarysara +2

      Here is crazy advice! My two cats (who are littermates and love each other) had a terrible falling-out after one went to the vet and came home smelling like vet. The owner of the pet store where I went to buy Feliway suggested that I rub my used bath towels on the vet-smelling cat. So, I dunno, what if you did that? If your cats got near each other and were like “Hell, you smell like my human” maybe it would blow their cat minds? Who knows!

  68. MyEvilTwin +49

    TOASTS! I gave notice at my job and told them I’m moving across the country! Ahhh! And they want me to keep working for them and are going to see if it would be possible for me to keep working from them after I’ve moved, with a home office or something, which would truly be the best of all possible worlds. My face all day:

    O_O

    🙂

    O_O

    🙂

      1. MyEvilTwin +4

        Right! If I can work from home, that would be awesome, and if not, well, I was planning on figuring out a new job anyway once I moved.

    2. winterbymorning +7

      That is so great for you! I hope it works out.

      My friend had a similar experience recently. She gave notice at her job, and they offered her a different position that pays more than twice her previous salary. She is very relieved to be earning enough to pay off her student loans AND afford fun stuff occasionally, and I am very happy because the fun stuff might include more frequent visits to see me!

    3. MyEvilTwin_Twin +3

      Good job buddy! I can’t wait for you to support me in the style to which I’ve become accustomed!

  69. SarcasticFringehead +6

    Toasts! Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day! Here is a review of all the comics that may be available to you! (If you are in the Seattle area, I would like to plug my local, Arcane Comics, which I love)

      1. SarcasticFringehead +2

        I have never had a bad experience there, even though it’s a comic book store currently staffed entirely by dudes and I rarely have a male chaperon. Their anniversary party is in two weeks and the theme is Women in Comics!

        1. octopoda +2

          I am actually not a huge comic reader but not because I dislike them, more I just don’t know where to start! I am part of a Hugo SFF book club though and we do want to read most the comic noms this year so I may have to go there and check it out!

  70. StillT +41

    Toasts. I get married in 8 days. EIGHT OF THEM. There are still little details that need to be figured out, but all the big stuff is done and most of the people I wanted to be there can make it, and we’re leaving for our honeymoon the next morning, and I’m just SO READY FOR ALL OF IT.

    I hope things are going well for my fellow currently-wedding-planning Toasties!

    2. houblonchouffe +13

      OMG YOU ARE SO CLOSE EEEEEEE

      I have nailed down some things and found a headpiece-thingy! My mom was kind enough to take a photo of dress + head thingy + shoes, which I shall show off here:

      2. sausagedog +2

        Dem. SHOES.
        Blush and covered in crystals? And that HEADPIECE. So good!

  71. SmrtCookie +3

    I have a breakup etiquette-ish question and I’d like some input. I’m a quilter. I make baby quilts for friends who are preggers. Prior to the breakup I had started a quilt for a couple that were his friends that became our friends and are now back to his friends. (I know, friend custody post-breakup sucks but this is what’s best for my mental health.) What do I do with the quilt now? I’d still like them to have it but ex will absolutely know it was from me and I don’t want things to be weird for the couple?

    1. Absotively +8

      Can you ask them? They’re the ones who will potentially have weirdness to deal with, so they are probably the best ones to decide if they are ok with that. And they probably know him well enough to have a good idea just what level of weirdness to maybe expect.

      1. SmrtCookie +3

        I think I’m leaning toward asking. But the combination of not wanting to make things weird and not wanting them to think I’m weird is making me second guess.

    2. cornpancake +22

      Mail it to them with a note that says, “Hey, I started making this for you & baby while I was with Ex – now that baby is here I still wanted you to have it. Congratulations and welcome baby!” or something similar? If it’s done, I don’t see any reason not to give it to them. Or save it and give it to the next baby you meet!

    3. freakyteeth +7

      I don’t think it’ll be weird at all – if anything, it’ll be a real ice breaker if you still want to be friends with them!

    4. eegghh +5

      Option A, send it with a nice goodbye note. Like, “Dear Mr. and Mrs Wentworth, I enjoyed very much getting to know you both. Although things didn’t work out with ex and I, i had already finished this quilt for your son, and I still want you to have it. Thank you again for all your kindness. All the best, me

      Option B- send a nice note and a tiny check instead, donate this quilt to someone else instead. There are all kinds of sweet kids in foster care or other difficult situations who’d love a beautiful handmade quilt, and it won’t come with any weirdness. Plus in another month to a year I bet someone you are closer to might have a kid and this quilt could go to them instead. I think it’s a shame for you to ever feel that all your hard work went to someone who now might treat it differently because of their relationship with the artist. I know this from my own breakups- I definitely won’t make anymore handmade stuff for a boyfriend/friends in the future, it totally burns to think of him sleeping under a quilt he doesn’t deserve, AND I feel bad for the next girl he dates who will be surrounded by the art I made and feel weird about it, because I know he makes the ex stuff weird with his new girlfriends.

      1. SmrtCookie +3

        I need to think a bit on Option B. I know there will be plenty of other babies who I can give it to. I don’t feel like my time and effort are wasted if I give them the quilt and they use it. But if I give it to them and they pack it away because there’s weirdness attached?

        I’m so glad I never made the ex a quilt despite him pointedly asking for one. I’m sorry you made something lovely for someone who didn’t deserve it.

        1. dakimel +5

          I’m still itchy about the quilts I made for my siblings who have now divorced. I don’t want to ask cause I don’t want to be weird, but they were made to celebrate the marriages and I incorporated both partners in my design/choices, and it’s just… odd.

          I’ve made quilts for babies whose parents I ended up not seeing much anymore – the friendship dissolving cause of whatever – and figure the parents are still going to like having the quilt. I base that on the fact that I liked having a quilt made for one kid and a blanked crocheted for my other kid despite them coming from kind of tenuous connections. It’s special to have something handmade, and not just handmade, but handmade for that particular baby – kind of a validation of the specialness of my precious child. “Near strangers see him and want to festoon him with garlands! He is a king among infants!”

          I suspect your people will treasure the quilt and appreciate the time you spent on it, for similar reasons. You said you would like them to have it – I think if you gift it to them with a note focused on wishing them joy with their child and a kind of “it was nice knowing you, I hope your family grows happily together” message that doesn’t sound like you’re staking a claim on them, it will enter their hearts & homes without weirdness.

          1. sarah_jay +2

            I’ve been making quilts for my siblings for Christmas every year (We do a rotation) but this year I probably won’t because the brother I give to will probably give it away if he moves or something. I understand not wanting effort to go to waste, but I agree that sending the quilts with a note of appreciation for their friendship and well-wishes for the child and the family’s future would probably be welcome.

        2. dakimel +2

          (also: yay, another quilter! I’m so excited to find another quilter!) (I wrote a book about a quilter! She falls in love because it’s a romance! It’s on sale for $.99 this week!)

  72. 2for1cheesecake +1

    Posted this last week, but am trying again here:
    Minneapolis & St Paul toasties! How about a meet-up next week?

    How does Tuesday 5/5 at Muddy Waters on Lyndale sound? Sometime around 7 for drinks/dinner? If you’re interested please reply here, and I’ll confirm it here over the weekend. If you’re interested but can’t make that date/time, let me know that too and maybe we can reschedule or figure out another meetup in June.

    Would love to meet you and maybe find new friends to have outside-drinks (the greatest drinks of all) this summer.

  73. notebook-keeper +2

    I am going to DC this weekend!!! Any advice on places to eat/drink? I haven’t been there since a high school trip and I am going with a friend who has never been so we’ll be doing a lot of touristing. We also want to eat Ethiopian food. Also she is on a very very strict budget (which I didn’t know until we’d already planned the trip 🙁 ) so cheap places are especially appreciated!

    1. rhymeswitheight +3

      I think Dukem (in the U St neighborhood) is supposed to be some of the best Ethiopian in the city… however, I’ve never been there but I HAVE been to Keren <a href=”http://(http://www.yelp.com/biz/keren-restaurant-washington” target=”_blank”> <a href=”http://(http://www.yelp.com/biz/keren-restaurant-washington” target=”_blank”> <a href=”http://(http://www.yelp.com/biz/keren-restaurant-washington” target=”_blank”>(http://www.yelp.com/biz/keren-restaurant-washington – Florida Ave and U St) and it was AMAZING and cheap! Cheaper than Dukem from looking at their online menu. Definitely visit the Smithsonian museums, lots of hours of free entertainment there. Tap and Parlor has, I believe, the cheapest bottomless mimosa in DC, if you like brunch. And this looks like a fun event going on, Independent Booksellers Day! http://dcist.com/2015/04/booksellers_around_dc_ce…

        1. rhymeswitheight +2

          Yay 🙂 glad to help a bit. It’s small so you may have to wait for a table, but it’s definitely worth it.

    2. m98widow +2

      I was there recently and we ate at Doi Moi (Southeast Asian), Zaytinya (tapas style Greek/Lebanese), Bistrot du Coin (French), and the restaurant in the downtown Hilton Garden where we were staying and they were all SO GOOD. They were pretty pricy, but each individual dish at Zaytinya was 5-6 dollars but they were filling enough that we didn’t get as many as we thought we would.

      We also ate lunch at Good Stuff Eatery (burgers) and Old Ebbitt Grill.

    3. eastcoastanne +2

      My favorite place for well priced, delicious, and STRONG cocktails is Bar Charley. Their tiki tap cocktails are $8 during non-happy hour, event cheaper during HH, but they don’t have HH Sat / Sun (not sure exactly when you are going). They have reasonable priced burgers, and some fancier food. I go like every week and get a Suffering Bastard and romesco ramp fries (I have a problem).

      Another cool, but cheaper, place (also excuse me if I am doing cheap my DC standards, but maybe not for your friend?) Is Donburi is Adams Morgan – like 12 seats, Japanese rice bowls (bowls start at $9).

      El Salvadorean food is big in DC in addition to Ethiopian. Unfortunately I am not much of an expert.

      What part of town are you staying in? Tell me more about what you like (like are you a dive bar person or want to feel a bit fancier on vacation? looking to go out at night?), I will give you too many reccomendations (lived in DC for 8 years, lived within an hour of DC my entire life)

  74. MyEvilTwin +6

    TOASTS! I gave notice at my job and told them I’m moving across the country! Ahhh! And they want me to keep working for them and are going to see if it would be possible for me to keep working from them after I’ve moved, with a home office or something, which would truly be the best of all possible worlds. My face all day:
    O_O …. 🙂 …. O_O …. 🙂

  75. rallisaurus +10

    Okay, so I’m a pathetic weakly and I can deal with doing some cardio and maybe some yoga here and there, but I’m terrible at strength training. What are some good beginners resources? Feel the Burn is great, but frankly just way too hard/intimidating and I usually end up not following through. I want to make this a habit. I have some small free weights, but I can’t really afford a gym membership/personal trainer. I also have an iffy lower back and shoulders and I don’t want to injure myself by just messing around on my own too much, so I’d like some semi-guided. Is there a Couch to 5K for muscles or something?

    1. rhymeswitheight +4

      I’d just search around on youtube for beginner bodyweight workouts. There’s so much out there, and that way you don’t have to worry about equipment. Lots of the youtube exercise people make videos targeting specific areas, so you can find something that’s just legs or abs or something and avoid the iffy areas. Good luck!

    2. fenixdawn +4

      I LOVE Darebee. It is here: http://darebee.com/ There is a real mix of workouts (some really are super intense, but others are super doable). Plus, all the themed workouts really increase the ol’ motivation.

    3. CleverManka +3

      Echoing the bodyweight stuff. If you’ve never lifted weights before and you know you have some physical issues, starting lifting without a coach will, I fear, end in disaster.

      My favorite exercise website is Breaking Muscle and they have a bunch of stuff for bodyweight workouts

    4. laurenipsum +4

      I’m in the same boat. I want to create a habit. Wanna be newbie buddies?

      1. rallisaurus +3

        Sure! Are you on Twitter? I’m rallisaurus there too!

        I think I’m going to try to start the Darebee Foundations Workout Program tomorrow! Because I’m going to spend the rest of the day watching hockey and Anne of Green Gables, so I’ll need to move my muscules at some point.

        1. laurenipsum +1

          I suck at Twitter but I’ll see if I can make it work. My handle is my full name. I’ll follow you if I don’t already …

    5. blushingflower +2

      So, there’s “You Are Your Own Gym”, which is a book about bodyweight excercies (and there is also an app). However many of these do require things like “put a towel around a door handle” or things like that.

      There is also the One Hundred Push Ups challenge (http://www.hundredpushups.com/) which works you up from however many you can do now to being able to do 100. They have similar challenges for crunches, squats, dips, and I think a few others. They did definitely make a difference for me when I did them.

    1. RoseCamelia +7

      Welcome! Don’t be intimidated. If The Toast commentariat tolerates the likes of me, and they do, then you’ll fit right in. Relax! You’re safe here.

    4. katenepveu +5

      Welcome!

      Here’s how to make your image show up, first the code and then the actual picture:

      < img src=”http://dragaholic.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Alaska-Thunderfuck-Hi-Gif.gif” > (but remove spaces between brackets and text)

      1. LezzyBeaverman +3

        Thank you! I tried, but clearly I failed. Someday I will get something like this right on the first try (HAHAHA NO THAT IS NOT TRUE AT ALL)

        1. katenepveu +2

          I have a terrible time remembering which sites use HTML and which sites use that thing with the square brackets and which sites will just auto-load your URLs, so, no worries!

    7. dakimel +2

      Welcome aboard! I’m been silent a bit lately b/c: work but I’m gonna be around more & look for you & give all your comments +1s just cause I already know you’re fabulous, too.

  77. MyEvilTwin_Twin +12

    Toasties! I am giving notice at my job RIGHT NOW! I am moving to a new city and don’t have a new job lined up, so I’m pretty nervous about the whole situation. But so far, the people I’ve told here have been pretty supportive and have offered to make some calls/send some emails on my behalf. (They are not the people who have made the job fairly miserable over the years. I’ll deal with them . . . later.)

  78. betsymurgatroyd +15

    Today I will have finished my first full week working at Mal Wart. It is the hands down worst job I’ve ever had in my entire life. My body is in pain and my soul is being slowly sucked away. There are so many rules and regulations and co-workers and managers that constantly contradict each other. And the managers are rarely pleasant to be around and you know their souls are imperiled but they don’t know it. Although I’d rather be around a grouchy and mean taskmaster than a saccharine sweet taskmaster. My anxiety around those people is off the charts. I can deal with other associates just fine.
    I know most people would say I should give it more of a chance, but my body and brain and heart isn’t lying to me. I’m looking for something else in the meantime. I only took this job because it was something/anything. I didn’t want to, because I am not a huge fan of the corporation and it’s practices. I’ve worked for a few retail and food service corporations and I’ve never seen such propaganda bordering on religious dogma. It almost seems cultish. Or maybe I’m just melodramatic.

    I realize that there are people there who are really happy with their jobs at Mal Wart and thrive in the environment. I am not one of those people.

    1. RoseCamelia +10

      It’s OK. Your body’s reaction is warranted. Focus on getting out. Something else will come along. Just keep applying elsewhere. I wish swift changes for you.

    2. bighairnoheart +6

      Stay strong. I lasted a day and a half there before I was let go because they didn’t like something about my driver’s license when they tried to scan it? I don’t know. But I’m not really counting it as much of a loss… Within ten minutes of the orientation I knew I couldn’t do. Got a job doing janitor work and cleaning offices right after. Much happier then.

      1. betsymurgatroyd +2

        I’m thinking fast food was better and easier than what Walmartitrons are forced to go through.
        I will attempt to stay strong. Thank you.

    3. LezzyBeaverman +6

      So sorry! Much sympathies. Obviously I don’t know if you have the option to leave this job or what your circumstances are, so I’m not gonna advise you. But I will say that if you can leave (even if it will be hard) and you want to leave, that is enough reason to do so. You deserve to be happy! You deserve good things!
      We are stupidly obsessed with sticking to jobs we hate in this culture, but you need to take care of yourself. As my beloved Captain Awkward is fond of pointing out, there is truly no reward for being the person who suffers the most. Also, Walmart doesn’t deserve a chaaaaance any more than some whiney dude in a bar, so anyone who tells you that is both rude and incorrect.

      1. betsymurgatroyd +3

        Thank you. Thankfully, I don’ think it will be hard to leave. Fingers crossed for good things to happen.

  79. 2for1cheesecake +4

    Ok, I am a person who doesn’t really have any creative or crafty outlets, and am thinking of doing an art class of some kind at the local art school.
    Have any of you had great experiences with art classes? I’m not nervous about being bad, and don’t really have any concrete goals, except for getting out of a rut: I’d just like to hear what kind of things other people have tried and enjoyed.

    1. irishbreakfasttime +5

      Figure drawing! I’ve been going to a thing that’s not a class, just a weekly session where you show up, pay, and a guy tells the model how long to pose for. It feels like the art equivalent of going to the gym.

    3. eegghh +4

      I recommend ceramics! Its physical, its not complicated to learn the basics, but there’s so much variety to delve into, its really satisfying when you make things and the things you make are useful! I’ve loved all my ceramics classes so much.

      I think drawing is fun, but it takes SO long to master so it can be sort of frustrating to get started, plus you end up with so many drawings that you can’t decide what to do with them. The equipment does take up less space overall and you can definitely do it forever at low cost, but I think its a slower burn as a first time art class.

      1. SmrtCookie +3

        Oh, yes! Classes where you make useful things! If you have a community college they may be better for useful things than an art school but ceramics or knitting or woodworking would be super fun.

  81. Rachel8489 +5

    A serious offer for NY-based Toasties: anyone want to be my friend-date for Sunday’s Nationals-Mets game at Citi Field? My cousin was supposed to go with but had to cancel on me, so I have these tickets and I don’t want to go alone and I have struggled to find someone. It could be fun! We can drink and watch baseball and hang out! The forecast is in the high 70s, perfect early May baseball weather, and my Nats will hopefully continue to crush the Mets all weekend long! Any takers?

    1. Rachel8489 +1

      I am hoping that replying to this will bump it up and help me find a baseball buddy because I would really love to bring a Toastie to the ballgame with me. ⚾️⚾️⚾️

  82. plspassthePinot +22

    re: BALTIMORE

    1) Im SO GLAD there are warrants out for the arrest of the officers

    2) If anyone says ONE WORD about the professional integrity or competence of this black female prosecutor at this early date w/o cause I WILL PERSONALLY CUT THEM

    2.5) I had to unfollow a twitter parody account I adore over some racist nonsense and “innocent unti proven guilty” re: the COPS — when there is a DEAD PERSON… ok rage spiral I will not !

    3) Mmm cake! I made a 3 layer yellow cake w fudge frosting last wkd that was so phenomenal let me never make it again bc i will eat it ALL in an irresponsible fashion.

    Anyway, this wk was emotionally exhausting and I am going to a “sip & paint” party this evening and look fwd to sleeping long hours in my own bed drinking herbal tea all wkd.

    Fin.

    1. rkfire +1

      Do you want to meet with the Baltimore PD Fraternal Order of Police then? I could put you up if you need a place to stay. 😉

  83. OshKoshMalosh +4

    Oh boy. I’ve been hypothyroid for a while (on medication, spiked to hyPERthyroid, so went off again). My primary care doc tried to treat it the first go-round, but this time I’m with an actual endocrinologist so things will hopefully be better. I’m only a few weeks into medication, and it takes a while to build up and take effect, but the last time I was on Synthroid, I felt so much better. More energy, better sleep, fewer headaches. One of my primary symptoms is being freezing cold all the time, and that totally went away last time I was on medication, something I’m really looking forward to this time around.

    I hope you’re able to find a treatment that works for you!

    1. MrsTeacherFace +2

      I was freezing cold all the time while I was pregnant (usually people are hot instead?), but that went away after my daughter was born. Hmm.

  84. redschuhart +8

    Very recently I was accepted into Library School. Unfortunately, five minutes after that I started getting Iconic Comments like “You need to do a masters to be a librarian…?” and “What do they teach you, the Dewey Decimal system?” So I cry, toasted Librarians! What are the best things to say to (/the best places to kick) such people?

    1. bibliophibian +10

      Don’t call it library school. Call it “archiving and information systems school”. Or “information management policy school”.

    2. SmrtCookie +19

      I recommend setting them on fire. But not near a library. Libraries are highly flammable.

    3. mmejoy +13

      Q: “You need to do a masters to be a librarian…?” A: “Of course you do. What are you implying?”

      Q: “What do they teach you, the Dewey Decimal System?” A: “Do you know that everyone who doesn’t know much about libraries makes that silly joke to librarians? So thanks for that! The whole thing feels much more real now!”

    4. paddlepickle +8

      I would recommend something like “I know that the Dewey Decimal System is probably too complicated for you to comprehend, but the things I’ll be learning in Library school are even more complicated than THAT. If you can possibly imagine”

    5. SwitchingGenres +12

      I always tell them that I use LC classification and almost never use Dewey. I just say it with a straight face, pretending like they actually want to talk about class systems. They usually just get confused and bored and walk away.

    6. Hadrosaur +4

      Congrats on being accepted into Library School!

      In response to “what do they teach you, the Dewey Decimal system?”, I’d probably go with “wow, that was rude” (plus optional death glare).

    7. bookwormV +3

      Ugh, those comments. I get a lot of “Do people even need libraries any more?” and “But don’t you just put books on shelves?”, and it is infuriating. I normally just glare.

  85. bighairnoheart +10

    Ugh. My silly problems. Let me share them. Met someone on Thursday, had a nice long chat about Afghanistan and Genghis Khan, took full note of conversation partner’s good looks, and now I cannot stop thinking about them in the most embarassingly Tina Belcher-y way. My brain needs to stop. I do not need to log in relationship fantasy hours. I thought I was done with this when I was done with high school. (But the first thing that comes up via google stalking is him calling himself a feminist. I mean, the objective hotness points just skyrocketed there.)

    And it double blows, because I really don’t know how one would go about trying to subtly work towards jumping someone’s bones when it’s entirely possible there are religious and cultural things in the way. I thought my own lack of both heart and relationship experience was bad enough, but this is a whole new level of ‘well, crud.’ Stop brain. Stop now.

    Any suggestions for how one would go about trying to subtly work towards jumping someone’s bones when it’s entirely possible there are religious and cultural things in the way? Anyone?

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      How about a date for conversation? Talking about those religious and cultural things. If that flavor of roadblock becomes apparent, I predict this good looking person will no longer attract you. No more fantasy hours.

      Or your religion and culture talk uncovers surprising compatibility. Leave any subsequent future bone jumping in the future and focus on making a date for talking.

      Good luck, bhnh.

      1. bighairnoheart +2

        I am currently turning to google to see if dates are culturally permissible. Results thus far are inconclusive. If not it can just be a casual hanging out and talking meeting that in no way is a date. Really. God, I hope dates are allowed.

        1. RoseCamelia +7

          Ask this good looking person if dating is permissible. Or just ask them to join you for coffee/tea/lemonade. If they object to dating, they’ll say so. You can do this. I believe in you.

          1. bighairnoheart +3

            I believe in me too. It’s been a long time since I had a crush and I’m definitely better equipped to handle it now compared to in high school. But until I run not so casually into this person again I will be drawing up a plan of attack. The more detailed the better.

  86. patakhi +3

    Philadelphia Toast readers!

    I did this wishy-washy thing of asking if you existed a few Open Threads ago, but then didn’t actually organize anything. I’m totally willing to create and be in charge of an FB page. I need to be friends with one of you to create it so it’s closed.

    So- what should would we call the fb page? Any ideas besides Phillytoasts (as I saw somewhere earlier in the thread)? And does anyone know how I can invite people to a closed group without friending them?

    1. viviennestreet +5

      Hi! We exist! Someone set up a google group not too long ago.

      I technically have a fb page but I do not facebook, so I have no wisdom for setting up fb groups 🙁

        1. literarysara +4

          Yay! You still might want to do the Facebook page, though–different people like to get their social media in different ways! Start with the Introductions thread: a few folks indicated that they were open to being friended on Facebook, so that’ll get you a base and we can all add each other from there.

          1. femaelstrom +5

            I’m so flaky that I need to be reminded/hassled about things on AT LEAST two forms of social media :'( so I’m down with a FB group!

  87. megalesias +9

    It’s a slow enough day at work that my boss is letting us all go at 3 while still getting paid for 9-5 \o/\o/\o/ I think I might do something outdoorsy? go hiking?? spring is getting to me…

  88. perianwen +1

    A place has opened up in one of the buildings I want but I’m not sure my roommate is in the right financial space for it to happen. I’m feeling really anxious about it. 🙁

    1. perianwen +1

      (by right financial space I mean rm is staying behind & needs to have enough income to cover)

      1. happyharbingers +5

        I think that falls under shitty things that are ultimately not your problem. Like is there anything keeping you guys (mainly them) from finding a replacement?

        1. perianwen +1

          Well, the wish is to have no replacement, actually. Therein lies the trouble!

        2. jenavira +5

          Definitely falls under shitty things that are ultimately not your problem. I wore myself ragged last year worrying about what my roommate would do when I moved out and you know what? She’s fine, and I am happier than I have ever been, and it was good for both of us that I moved out when I did. You cannot solve other people’s problems for them, no matter how much you might want to try.

          1. perianwen +1

            I just texted her with my anxious worry.

            Also it depends if the apt mgr gets back to me in time for me to go see it today, because I would have to let my landlady know in a timely fashion!

        3. OliviaPJones +3

          Agreed. Just try to do what you would want someone to do with you. Clean out your space, give the legally required amount of advanced notice, if you move out mid-May, pay 1/2 the rent for the whole month (it’s pretty crappy to be like “I’m leaving in 4 days, here’s 77.78 dollars for those four days, byyyyes!”). As long as you try to be respectful, your roommate’s future housing/finance situation is ultimately not your burden.

      2. SmrtCookie +2

        Go!! I’m assuming your roommate knew this was something you were planning on doing so it’s their problem, not yours. Give them as much advanced notice as you can, and help find a new roommate as much as you can. So be flexible with showings, do more than your fair share of cleaning, ask around yourself.

  89. donkeywork +7

    After moving from a very bad situation to a much better one and resuming all the piece-y freelance work I have, I’m once again trying to figure out either enough gigs to make a living or a job-job to replace my existing gigs, and I had blissfully forgotten for those few transitional months how demoralizing it is to apply and never hear back from seemingly everyone. Trying to automate the process into a work/look for work/rinse/repeat cycle, but I’ll put together an application package for some rinky-dink job, work to write a great cover letter, send it, and just want to jump out the window because I know nobody’s going to get back to me. To be clear, I am still 1000 times happier than I’ve been for ages. But this one puzzle piece has the potential to fix so much for me, and it’s so persistent about not fitting anywhere.

  90. bluer0ses +31

    Two weeks ago i posted about my current mental health crisis.

    Just wanted to let everyone know I am ok, have seen my doctor and started new meds, and have had to leave school. I’m still feeling really badly, but am hopeful my new drugs will work well.

    1. RoseCamelia +10

      I hope you reach a point where you can feel proud of yourself for getting help, for seeing a doc, for taking the meds. These accomplishments are really hard. Go you!

      1. dakimel +4

        What RoseCamelia said. I’m so impressed with you for having taken some really big steps and made difficult decisions as you care for yourself. You are strong.

    2. SmrtCookie +5

      I’m so glad you checked in. It is a really hard and brave thing to hang it there, see a doctor, start new meds, and then still have to wait until you the meds kick in. I hope you see an improvement soon!

    3. freakyteeth +5

      I’m glad you’re getting help. You can do this. I believe in you. <3

  91. OliviaPJones +5

    Toasties, work question:
    I am training a new student assistant and he just like, refuses to learn things. It’s my day off (I too am a student) and I told him to email me for emergencies since it’s his first day completely on his own. This is, like, week 3. So far, emails have been “what’s the password for the department email” (which he has checked at least twice a week for the past three weeks and when I called him he was able to figure it out with just a little prompting) and “where’s this thing you asked me to print” (which is in a folder entitled Things Like This Thing I Asked You To Print Spring 2015 and which I show him every week and WHICH I SHOWED HIM AGAIN like 15 hours ago). Am I just being harsh, here? Any strategies for people who just don’t seem to care to internalize info? I’m basically forcing him to take notes, but he seems to just shove those notes in his inbox and never reference them, so.

    1. OliviaPJones +8

      I did tell him that I was done answering questions for today after this phone call and prompted him to ask me any remaining questions while I was still on the phone with him.

    2. sarah_jay +7

      Maybe a list with the answers to questions he asks repeatedly? then when he asks you can just respond “It’s on the list”

    3. SmrtCookie +13

      You can’t force them to internalize anything. But sometimes students have zero work skills so I try to be lenient with them at first. It’s absolutely okay to tell him he has to take notes and he has to have them when he’s at work. If he shows up at work without his notes you can absolutely send him to go get them/print them/pull them up, and tell him he can “clock in “when he’s back with his notes and ready to work. Nothing will make a student worker straighten up faster than not getting paid.

      1. MilesofMountain +5

        Getting him to take notes is a good idea, particularly if he seems like he wants to know these things but just isn’t getting it. I have real trouble remembering information I hear, it’s just in one ear and out the other, but I have no trouble at all if I see it written down once. It was awkward in my first job because it was so hard for me to remember the flood of information from the first few days until I figured out I was just going to have to bite the bullet and carry around a notebook and write down what I was told even if it looked weird.

    4. elsajeni +8

      I would try answering all stupid questions with “What have you tried so far?” You say he will figure this stuff out with a little prompting; asking what he’s tried so far, and making it clear that you expect the answer not to be “uh, nothing,” could be a good way to get him to give himself those prompts, and hopefully eventually he will internalize that process and learn to troubleshoot a little bit.

      Also, you may need to be pretty explicit — especially since he’s a student worker and this is, as SmrtCookie said, very possibly the first time he’s needing to learn and use work skills — about saying “I expect you to try to figure things out yourself before coming to me.” The most generous interpretation of his behavior could be that he’s afraid of messing something up or missing a deadline, so he wants to pre-check that he’s doing the right thing before risking typing in the wrong password or taking ten minutes to look for the files or whatever; if that’s part of the issue, giving him permission to try things, and letting him know that there’s no task you give him that can be catastrophically messed up by trying the wrong thing first or taking an extra half hour or whatever, might help.

      1. OliviaPJones +3

        Thanks. Good advice.
        *EDIT: Rant deleted*

        Anyway, I will definitely lean toward kindly suggesting that he research things without giving him the answers and see if that approach works better. Also, I will set appropriate boundaries on my time. He should not be able to email me on my day off at all if he cannot decide what is an emergency or not. It’s a department office and most so-called emergencies can wait till Monday anyway. 🙂

  92. DonutFemme +5

    Toasties! I’m moving to Seattle!! I’ve only been to the city for a total of 48 hours before. What’s good in the area? I’m gonna be in grad school, but will hopefully have some free time. Seattle Toasties: What do you like most about your city?

        1. cornpancake +2

          Dude!! I might be going there for social work too! I really want to but lately have been leaning toward my much, much, much more affordable local state school option :/

          1. DonutFemme +1

            Ayy, that’s awesome! UW’s curriculum is banging, but you gotta follow what’s going to be best for you in the long term. I creeped on your comments, and it looks like we’re both Bostonians? Do we know each other?

          2. cornpancake +1

            I don’t know! Yeah I’m looking at Salem State’s part-time program now. I wanna go to UW so bad but 50k per year in loans just doesn’t seem doable for me.

          3. laurenipsum +1

            Are there not opportunities for assistantships in social work? Those usually cover tuition plus have an hourly wage.

          4. cornpancake +1

            There are, but the social work school doesn’t have any available for this year. You can apply to any open positions at any other schools, departments, or research centers, but you have to reach out to each separately to ask if they have any. If I got one I’d go in a heartbeat. I’ve not gotten any that I’ve applied to yet, though. Any tips on searching for opportunities are definitely welcome!

          5. DonutFemme +1

            I feel like assistantships are usually a phd-level opportunity. Social work is a low-earning discipline, and thus often has few scholarship opportunities, especially for state schools.

          6. laurenipsum +1

            I don’t know about social work specifically but I went to grad school at UW and work there now, in IT. I had assistantships (just regular jobs, not teaching) when I was at the Information School, and my team at work has hired grad students from the iSchool, the design program in the Art School, and the Human-Centered Design and Engineering program on assistantships. So there may be stuff out there beyond teaching/research gigs …

            Anyway, good luck to both of you! Seattle is great and I hope you can join us. 🙂

    2. SarcasticFringehead +4

      One of my favorite things about Seattle is that basically everybody is a secret nerd? Also: nobody dresses up for anything, including/especially work, so I get to wear jeans to the office every day.

        1. demetriats +1

          Every possible kind of nerd! Seattle is a great place for nerds of all kinds, to the point that you have to do a little digging to figure out which cons/meetups/pub trivia nights/maker spaces/etc mesh with your esoteric tastes.

        2. laurenipsum +1

          Yeah, I thought about this one for a while before giving up. There are all the nerds! Comics nerds! Book nerds! (Lots of those.) Hiking nerds! Food nerds! Beer nerds! Sports nerds! Cocktail nerds! Games nerds! etc. etc.

      2. Miss B +1

        That’s one of the (many, many, many) things I hate about Seattle! (The clothing part, not the nerd part.)

        (But don’t worry, planethoney, I am basically the only person that hates Seattle, everyone else loves it, so I’m sure you will love it also.)

  93. LadyPoopjokes +5

    Everything in my life is going marvelously well, the best it has since I was old enough to be responsible for anything, and now all my anxiety is focused on brand new problems that have never before been within reach!

    I got a promotion at work, and immediately spent a sleepless night convinced that I am not good enough at my job!

    I bought a car, am about to move to another state, and am working myself into an anxious froth over whether the trip to India this summer, which I can technically afford, is actually a good idea when I could instead be acting like an adult and buying new furniture or some shit!

    I’ve been off antidepressants for a year and a half and happier than I’ve been for as long as I can remember, and now I can’t decide whether it’s a good idea to start seeing a therapist again as a preventative measure, or whether it will immediately bring up all the things I’ve pushed out of my mind and send me into a depression spiral that will ruin my life again, which is what always happens!

    In lieu of trying to solve my unsolvable nonproblems, can someone just tell me how to convince myself to start exercising again when I work a sedentary job and am about to move to a competitively outdoorsy state (Colorado) when all I really want to do is lay on the floor eating pizza?

    1. Absotively +6

      Work with your pizza and floor-lying desires!

      1) Find a good pizza place.

      2) Get an apartment about 10-20 minutes walk from the pizza place. Now is a good time for this step, since you’re moving anyways.

      3) Sell your car. Bonus: money for India trip! or adult furniture, or whatever.

      There are probably better plans, but most of my fitness comes from not driving, so I don’t know what they are.

      1. LadyPoopjokes +2

        Pizza really is the best motivator! I was about to say that I don’t want to give up on having a car so soon after escaping my days of being totally dependent on other people whenever I need to get anywhere far away or move anything larger than a backpack, but now that I’ve hit the first snag in car ownership I think I’m just going to drive it somewhere deserted and set it on fire while I eat an entire pizza, so I guess I’ll need to go back to biking!

    2. CleverManka +3

      I don’t think anyone can convince you to exercise. If you don’t wanna do it, you’re just…not gonna do it. Partnering with a friend always helps, though. Maybe start with something so simply as a weekly walk with a friend? Or sign up for a yoga/dance/tai chi/pick your movement class?

      1. LadyPoopjokes +1

        I’m thinking of adding “get a dog” to my list of impending major commitments. I’m a sucker for putting obligations to others before my own needs, so maybe I can trick myself into being more active by living with an enthusiastic best friend that relies on me to take it to exotic pooping locations?

        1. MilesofMountain +2

          My doctor literally suggested this to me, since she’s big on people walking every day, and she was only half joking.

        2. RoseCamelia +1

          Unless you work from home, get two dogs. They’re not built for solitude. Bad behaviors are almost nil when you eliminate loneliness and boredom. It’s OK to have one dog for a few months before getting the second. Just keep in mind that it’s kinder not to isolate pack animals.

          My life got *easier* with the second small dog. One was hard. That one became soooo easy once he had a companion. I let him choose, though. Took First Dog to interviews with potential second dogs.

          And let’s be real: puppies are too much work (for me). I am only talking about adult dogs from rescues and shelters.

          1. LadyPoopjokes +2

            I do work from home, actually! It’s a big part of why I’m now feeling ready to make the jump to a higher-maintenance pet, actually. I figure it’ll look good on adoption applications as well.

    3. LadyPoopjokes +2

      Okay, now I have an actual problem because I took my (brand new!) car back to the dealership this morning so they could fix whatever piece of the engine is rattling around and making a horrible noise, and they just called to tell me that nothing is wrong and everything is normal and there’s no strange noise constantly emanating from my engine and I am uncharacteristically seething with rage (possibly due to all the coffee I drank in the lobby) because I (foolishly, perhaps?) expected my complaint to be taken seriously. I would love to haul my much-more-knowledgeable-about-cars-and-generally-assertive boyfriend in to chew them out but then I’d feel like I wasn’t properly standing up for myself.

      1. Social +2

        Wow, the same exact thing happened to me a couple months ago. My advice is to drive it for a few days, see if the horrible noise persists, and if it does, take it back. A squeaky wheel gets the grease– maybe literally in this case.

        The fun thing about this situation, though, when it happened to me: it was fixed when it came back from the dealership, even though they told me “nothing’s wrong.” I think it was a little CYA sort of deal. So this crew who sold you the car may just be covering for a mistake they made. You’ll find out when you drive it again though.

        1. LadyPoopjokes +2

          I can’t tell at this point whether I’d rather get them to admit they were wrong or have the problem mysteriously disappear. I don’t have time to play games with you, Honda! (I have been frothing with impotent rage all day, as you can see, as well as feeling quite overwhelmed by the enormity of the fact that I just bought the most expensive thing I have ever bought in my life and am terrified that I didn’t do it right.)

  94. loren_smith +25

    A small victory this week Toasties – I have been taking an HR management class through our local uni’s business school. The prof, who is pretty decent, used the stupidest powerpoint slide as an introduction to a lecture: the silhouettes of ‘business people”, the men all in power suits looking tough, and the women in very stereotypical “aggressive sexy” poses. I called him on it via email after class, and he sent me a really meaningful apology and said he was going through all of his slide decks with a more critical eye. Small changes!

  95. sausagedog +5

    Hey, Toasts. I kind of have the birthday sads. I’m going to go to yoga tonight, but my usual self-care stuff is just kind of bumming me out. For instance, I’m not looking forward to climbing this weekend, because I’m worried my lethargic state will make for a sub-par climb, and food doesn’t really sound good so I don’t want to cook anything extravagant.

    I bought some cheap watercolors, so I might do some painting. Or just watch videos of people making tiny fake Japanese food in near silence on YouTube. The latter always calms my mind down, it’s very passive and soothing. What do you like to do when you’re too sad to actively enjoy things?

    1. fenixdawn +10

      First step — looking at this otter face:

      I also really like super easy yoga at home, that I excessively congratulate myself for doing. I’ve done something positive, and then get to feel super good for doing it (even if it is just sitting on my mat and flopping my arms around in a semi-intentional manner).

      1. sausagedog +3

        That is one very cheerful otter!

        I really like the yoga instructors at my gym on Mondays and Fridays. The Monday one has a background in Thai massage, so during shavasana she comes around and massages your face for a couple seconds. It’s magical. The Friday instructor incorporates a lot of “oms” in her practice, which are mentally very helpful. I’m not great at home yoga yet, but I blame that on having bought the world’s worst yoga mat. My hands slip right off it.

        1. fenixdawn +3

          Omg the shavasana face massages!!! LOVE. The first time I experienced that, it was with a new instructor that I couldn’t get into at first, but then she came around and did the face/neck massage thing with some oil and it was immediately “ALL IS FORGIVEN.”

          The hands slipping is the worst. I sometimes use one of those skidless yogitoes fabric mat thingies, on top of my mat, which isn’t too bad. The routine for home yoga is so tough to get into AND means ignoring the siren song of all the electronic things.

          1. sausagedog +1

            I was wondering if those yogitoes towel-y things worked at all! I might get one, although I have never seen anyone using them in class.

          2. fenixdawn +1

            They do! I got one because my hands sweat like anything, and I saw other people using them (mostly in hot yoga, but I have absolutely no shame in using them in other classes too). It is definitely a different sort of feel than being directly on the mat, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that the towel actually does stay on the mat pretty well, and doesn’t move around unless you’re doing a whole lot of jumping back and forth into plank.

    2. freakyteeth +1

      Happy Birthday!!!!! Maybe go out to eat and say it’s your birthday – they usually bring out a slice of cake/pie?

    3. RoseCamelia +6

      When I cannot do anything else. When I have tried and failed to stop staring into space while in an endless loop of negative rumination, I go outside. If I’m naked, I throw on a robe and venture no farther than my back patio. Any clothing beyond pjs means I will walk to the end of the driveway, at least. I usually feel better by the end of the driveway and continue to the end of the street. Weather is irrelevant. I do not stop to look for a coat. I go out in the rain, snow, blazing heat. And then congratulate myself for the accomplishment.

      Happy birthday and I hope you feel better soon.

      1. sausagedog +5

        Fortunately this weekend’s forecast is neither rain, snow, nor blazing heat, so I was thinking I might just… wander. That’s the lovely thing about city living, is you can walk for miles and still have sidewalks, coffee shops, and public transit if you’re too tired to make it back. That’s a good suggestion.

    4. LaxMom +1

      I go out in the sunshine…even if only to weed things.

      Where do you climb?

      AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I know how the birthday blues can be, but be gentle on yourself!

  96. LaxMom +6

    I agree with the poster who said it was a week of mondays. I’ve basically been crying all morning.
    So last week, when I found out my lawyer screwed me over and my ex gets the gets every summer on his schedule? After 3 emails he deigned to respond and offer to let her spend just her birthday with me. of course not switch weeks, because he’s got a vacation planned and all, on his parents’ dime/timeshare, and will spend blowout amounts of money on ways to ensure that the rest of the summer the kids have with me will pale by comparison (especially since i’m in the can’t afford fresh vegetables often income bracket and he refuses to pay for summer camps).
    Tuesday got an whole-team-parent-email saying how horribly unorganized I am and that the Lacrosse program sucks.
    Wednesday found out that the asshole was BEING WRITTEN UP in the local business paper as some paragon of business creativity and ingenuity. Funny they didn’t mention that he beats women up or can’t pay his kid’s medical bills.
    Thursday I was presenting all the cool stuff I learned in a department meeting and my boss basically said I was going to have much increased job responsibilites but there was no chance the job is going full time. Then I was coaching by myself and one of the boys didn’t hear my “stop!” and WHIPPED a shot at the goal which went way wide and went “whoosh” by my nose, so close that my bangs drifted with the breeze. I just stood there while the whole team let out their breath and said, “gee, I’m glad I still have my face!” (for reference: two kids have gotten hit dead-on like that with their helmets ON and gotten concussions, lacrosse balls are VERY hard and VERY fast.)
    This morning the band fees for next year and dinkles order forms were due. I’m broke. I can pay my rent, and have about $60 left over until next friday. maybe. I had to call the head of band boosters and beg several people and make excuses and I still don’t know if I’ll get the band fees waived or not, but I had to make it official that I’m too broke to pay.
    My daughter pulled a muscle in her back at her dad’s house on his fucking trampoline and can’t do karate, and she is testing soon.
    I got in the shower this morning and just sobbed. I can’t keep this up. I realized that if that ball had hit my face, besides at the very least knocking me senseless and breaking my face, that would have meant an ER trip and that would be it. One ER trip will send me into bankruptcy.
    This is not getting any better. Different, but never any better. I’m fucking broke and lonely and miserable and gritting my teeth through it, but c’mon. it’s been 5 years since I kicked him out and 4 years since the divorce and he’s STILL living the good life. he’s gotten exactly what he wants, which is to be the fun parent with none of the work, bribe the kids, and watch me be alone and broke. That was a goal (I know, he told me, often). How much longer do I have to suck it up? I will throw a pity party and distract myself by visualizing elaborate revenge fantasies and come home after practice tonight (where I”m already late, but the kevins are there) and hide under the covers. But really. Enough already. The universe could stop kicking me in the teeth ANYTIME.

    1. Social +4

      HUGS!! What a terrible week! Was wincing through this whole post. Your ex sounds like a serious SOB, especially if he was the one who hit your kids (which it sounds like he was from your other posts.)

      Prayers and/or good thoughts that he gets his comeuppance– my goodness, he should be forced to share more of that income with you considering everything he put you through. It’s a shame he’s getting so much leeway to determine the visiting schedule. However, I’m glad your daughter is spending time with you on her birthday!

      Speaking as a former child of parents with occasional money issues (no divorce involved, but my parents definitely hit the boom-bust cycles just wrong), she may not notice the stuff that’s keeping you up at night. She WILL notice, however, that you’re sincere and you love her and you haven’t hurt her. Just my guess.

      It sounds like you’ve been through so, so much. Hope your situation changes soon. The economy’s improving, so maybe you can take your additional job responsibilities, handle them like a boss, and then slap them on your resume and go land yourself another job.

      You sound like such a great mom and employee. Here’s hoping that things turn around soon, and things get less stressful for you. I’ll be praying/wishing/sending good vibes. And *hugs*.

      1. LaxMom +4

        This is really to everybody—I was holding that pity party in all day. Thank you!!!!!I’m SO glad you’re here for me to vent to! Sometimes it just feels like too much already, and that was this morning.
        I’m already getting paperwork together for a lawyer because he’s in contempt on reimbursing me. I’m scared to bring visitation into it but this lawyer is better and knows my ex is slime (he was my foreclosure lawyer). It’s just hard because I start holding my breath when I think about it.
        I’ve got plenty of frozen veg and my mom helps out sometimes, it’s just embarrassing to still need my parents in my 40’s. Especially when it’s going on for so long. I know I”m good at what I do, both the GIS and the archaeology, and I know it’s hard to get a job in your field right after graduation, and being unable to relocate makes it harder. There have just been so many “almosts” it’s frustrating (I was hoping this job would be full time already).
        This is a combination of bad timing and letdown from AAG, I think.
        I have a friend in our church who tells me that I’m not the only one who got screwed by my divorce lawyer, and it’s very much like she is punishing women in the small print while passing herself off as helping them.
        Anyway, 3 hours in the sun with the lacrosse team always helps. I’ll make sure I get outside and garden or something tomorrow.

        1. RoseCamelia +4

          So glad you have another lawyer. That was the best next step you could take. You rock.

    2. RoseCamelia +17

      I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve to suffer at all, and certainly not to this extent. And your ex may *think* he has what he wants. But only for now and only superficially. Your kids will grow up to see right through him. Your ex will die alone, wondering why his kids have so little respect for him, have given him so little access to their adult lives. Your kids will see him for what he really is, when they are old enough, if they haven’t begun to already.

      How can I help you? It’s OK to email me at rmcd1974 at hot mail dot com.

    3. CleverManka +5

      Oh. Honey. I’m so so sorry. I have no suggestions or solutions, but so much sympathy.

    4. katenepveu +8

      That’s terrible, I’m sorry.

      Can you find another lawyer? Legal Aid, perhaps, to restructure your child support agreement?

  97. neuroticcat +5

    Hi Toast.

    I have a ticket to Sufjan Stevens’ May 2 Brooklyn show (King’s Theatre, 8 PM May 2; aisle seat in row EE). I won’t be going for the show and I would love to give it away here.
    (hopefully not sheerly disingenuous note!: I’m on the other side of the world and got this ticket with some privilege and I’m not sure how anything works!)

    Ticketmaster.com’s transfer option isn’t working and I have some inkling that this is really short notice and strange, but if you’re interested or know someone who might be please email me at ryangoo27 at gmail. Thank you!

  98. Passing_Strange +4

    This week, I got approval to go to a conference in Montréal this summer! I am excited because I have never been, so I am going to stay a few extra days to see the city. I have already looked it up and there is a roller derby game on while I’m there, and I have a lover who lives there (sorry, sorry, I have always wanted to use that phrase casually ever since I heard an acquaintance use it in relation to a trip she was taking, but anyway I am also excited to see him). What else should I do while I’m there??

  99. Mrs_Peel +7

    There’s a very interesting article in the NYT about female attorneys who started a successful, family-friendly law firm– well worth a read:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/03/business/a-woma…

    The comments, though, are surprisingly full of hilarious 1950s-style OUTRAGE at the mere idea of mothers working outside the home.

  100. avocadoavocat +2

    Guys, my cat is driving me crazy– she yelps/cries/meows ALL NIGHT LONG and I am at my wits end. When I lived in a 1 bedroom apt, it was fine, I could shut her out of my room and that would mostly take care of it. Now, I’m living in a studio that has a “bed alcove” that I’ve screened off, so she can’t get in when I’m sleeping. But I hear her all. night. long. I don’t know what to do! She’s not a kitten, she’s 8 years old– playing with her before going to bed doesn’t work, feeding her at night before bed doesn’t help. She just constantly meows and meows, no matter how much I ignore her. Some nights, she’s pretty quiet and doesn’t start will the morning/dawn. And other nights (like last night) I am waking up every few hours. It’s like having an infant without you know, the hope that the infant will eventually be not an infant! HELP. WHAT DO I DO.

    1. RoseCamelia +1

      No clue about cats. But recently discovered that Benadryl at bedtime settles down my little dog. Her vet prescribed it for a skin condition likely resulting from allergies. Vet determined correct dose for her (half a pill). Vet says I can give it to her for thunderstorms as well, to help her calm herself.

      Ask your vet if there’s something you can give your cat safely to help her calm herself.

    2. OliviaPJones +6

      Our nighttime yowler has a lot of energy, needs attention, and gets bored easily. She’s alone all day with the other cat but I make a point of waking her up when we get home. Also, we never let her sleep too much in the evening before we go to bed because then she’s actually sleepy and ready to settle down and go to bed eventually.

      Jackson Galaxy said stick to a regular feeding schedule so we try to feed them at approximately the same time every night. Several hours before we go to bed so they don’t have their energy rush just as we’re trying to snooze. We also changed from giving them wet AND dry food (seriously, that was overkill for two indoor kitties) to giving them just dry food, which helped a lot.

      Our nighttime yowler likes to play, so she has plenty of cat toys (her favorites are these Skinneeez toys which don’t have stuffing or anything and also, randomly, a monster we bought at IKEA. All are well-loved and very spitty). She likes attention, so we make sure that the toys are down during waking hours and that when she meows in the other room we always hurry in there to ask her what she found and praise her a lot. 97% of the time she’s like “Look! I found a spitty squirrel!” And we’re like, “YAY! So smart! What a great hunter! You’re the best!”

      We also taped up a small box from amazon or something and cut some interesting holes in it. At night before bed we gather all of the toys we can find and throw them in there along with some treats, then we let them go at it. The other cat gets it but our yowler is kind of a moron and just happily pushes the box around with her face. It keeps her busy, though.

      Then at night, after we’ve thrown a string toy around and praised her and fed her and followed her and chased her and watched her push a box around with her cute dumb face, we put all the toys way up high and go to bed.

      She has gotten much, much better.

      1. MilesofMountain +1

        The box of toys idea is a good one! My cat has one that I made by cutting holes in a plastic shoe box. He’s only moderately toy-oriented, though, so I also made a food one by cutting small holes into an empty water bottle. His kibbles or treats go into the water bottle and he has to roll it around to get them out one at a time.

    3. SwitchingGenres +2

      Does the cat have enough toys, cat trees, boxes, etc? I’ve known a few people who said their cats would annoy them, howl a lot, etc., and often the cats were just bored. Our cats got much less needy when we got a great, tall cat tree. One of my cats is also just needy and getting a 2nd cat helped a lot. Some cats need a lot of stimulation.

      1. avocadoavocat +1

        She doesn’t really seem that into toys? I’ve had a cat tree for her forever, but she never used it, so I gave it away. But maybe I need to get creative thinking about potential toys…

  101. freakyteeth +5

    So, conclusion for now: Freakyteeth, CALM THE FUCK DOWN. SHUT THE FUCK UP. CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

  102. femaelstrom +9

    Darn, late to the thread again this week! Yesterday I participated in an anti-police brutality march in Philly. It was pretty huge! I’ve never been a part of anything like that (with the exception of Slutwalk a few years ago which….yeah, is an event not without its issues). People were getting up in diners’ faces at a fancy restaurant with outdoor seating, we blocked traffic at some major streets…fortunately it stayed peaceful. Idk, it felt good to do something other than complain on the internet.

    Then I went to a sci-fi poetry night (!) at a local dive bar with my I’m-totally-over-her-I-swear friend (we met on OKC, I fell hard, she did not, we are good friends and I was doing SO WELL in my efforts to move on). An inadvisable number of drinks was consumed by me, though not by her, but she kept like….putting her arm around me, resting her head on my shoulder, generally being very flirty-touchy? She does stuff like this occasionally – say and do flirtatious things all night, though this is the first time she’s been more physical – then go back to being Totally Platonic the next time we hang out. The mixed signals, they are killing me. Chicks, amirite?

    1. CleverManka +6

      Yay! for the march. Boo! for the friend. That’s not mixed signals, that’s just shitty, insensitive behavior.

  103. Spewingllamas +2

    Is anyone else torturing themselves with the devil’s own Whole30? If so, you may complain to me, and be sure I feel all of your pain.

  104. Absotively +6

    Oh, I wanted to thank whoever mentioned Lost Girl here recently. I watched the first episode. I love all the characters. It is great.

    Some of the things they did didn’t make any sense, which is kind of the exact same problem I am having with Star Trek: Voyager, but I am totally willing to forgive them because a) they are all awesome, b) it turns out it’s a Canadian show, so patriotism, c) it’s the first episode so maybe the situation will improve, d) the dude at the start of the episode was killed, which was all I wanted from his character, and e) it’s not like I’ve actually given up on Voyager, so clearly I have a pretty high tolerance for characters whose actions make no sense.

    I also watched the second half of Year of Hell. I am still annoyed that Janeway didn’t appear to remember Kes’ warning at all, but I’m going to just assume there’s a good explanation that they didn’t bother to actually tell the audience.

    (I just posted this on another article and deleted it. Twice. I really hope I am awake enough to actually be on the open thread this time.)

  105. secondursula +2

    Well I am late to the open thread because work has been out of control, but it’s okay because I do not have any news to report in any case. No word yet on the potential transfer, so I am just doing what I can to get the general moving process going and then trying to fret about the specifics for either scenario. But it seems like several toasties are making big moves, so I feel like I am in good company. What soothing rituals do you guys have? I listen to a lot of motown and take kind of ridiculously long baths.

    1. paddlepickle +1

      Fellow big-mover here! I have given myself permission to spend all of the free time I want half-conscious on the couch watching Gilmore Girls. Also bike riding in the pretty spring-time.

      1. secondursula +1

        Congrats on the move! A bike ride would be lovely. If only the pollen would clear out and I could leave my apartment/bunker.

  106. Broccoli +1

    I would love to collect your book recommendations please. What is in your opinion the most introductory and accessible book on feminism? I’m looking for someone who likes books with very basic vocabulary, few abstractions, and that introduce basic concepts in a concrete way. The book would be for a middle-age woman with lots of life experience, so preferably it wouldn’t be a book obviously aimed at youth.
    Thanks!

    1. Cateling +2

      Does fiction count? Because I was all-in on feminism after reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.

      1. Broccoli

        Thanks Cateling; I hadn’t been thinking about fiction specifically, but that’s a good idea! I really like the look of the graphic guide CCoryy; I’ll look for a copy!

    2. LaxMom +1

      I read the graphic guide to logic to refresh my long ago memory of college logic classes, and was really impressed (there was some theory I don’t remember covering). So maybe this one? http://www.amazon.com/Introducing-Feminism-A-Grap…

    3. RoseCamelia +1

      I was about 30 when I read my first feminist book: The Second Sex, by Simone de Beauvoir. It was right for me.

    4. Bunburying +1

      I haven’t read it personally but I have many times heard Feminism Is For Everybody by bell hooks described in just this way: http://www.amazon.com/Feminism-Everybody-bell-hoo…

      1. bluer0ses +2

        This is what you want. bell hooks wrote it for exactly the purpose you are asking about. It is in simple, non-academic language and is a total joy. It’s also free online in a bunch of places if $ and access is a concern. It’s short and an easy read, so even if you read slowly it doesn’t take very long to get through.

  107. circeinvidiosa +2

    Toasties! Any advice to impart for wooing/generally making your affections known (drawn from literature or your own experiences, serious or otherwise)? Anything that might keep me from mucking this up quite as badly as Darcy did in his first go would be brilliant.

    1. RoseCamelia +4

      In advance: consideration for your date’s feelings.
      In person: “I” statements. “I would like…” “I feel…”

      Good luck! You’ll be OK.

    2. MissJudgeMental +1

      I’m usually pretty straightforward and end up just telling people. If they like you back, win. If they don’t, it’s sad but also a win because you know and can move on.
      I totes recommend wooing with dinner dates 🙂

  112. planethoney

    I feel like assistantships are usually a phd-level opportunity. Social work is a low-earning discipline, and thus often has few scholarship opportunities, especially for state schools.

  113. SmokeShow

    Almost everyone I know who has landed a job is either in corporate or academic (but only after waaaaay more time searching). But the people I know in corporate spend way more time adjusting to the financial bottom line or working to "prove their value" as institutions that don't bring in income.

    Or you can live someplace weird and rural and work in a public library and make Branch Director in a year, which is what one of my friends did. She loves it there, but it's also suuuper in the middle of nowhere.