With Apologies In Advance: If Robert Burns Was A Power Lifter -The Toast

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burnsMy heart’s in the squat rack, my heart is not here
My heart’s in the squat rack, a-lifting to clear
A-lifting to clear, and improving my throws,
My heart’s in the squat rack, wherever I go.


O my gains are like a red, red rose
That’s newly sprung in June;
O my gains are like the melodie
That’s sweetly play’d in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonnie gains,
So deep in luve am I:
And I will luve them still, my gains,
Till my Muscle Milk gang dry:

Till Muscle Milk gang dry, my gains,
And my traps melt wi’ the sun:
I will luve them still, my dear,
While my clean bulking runs.


Is for honest vascularity
That hings his head, an’ a’ that;
The cardio fiend – we pass him by,
We dare be flat for a’ that!
For a’ that, an’ a’ that,
Our toils obscure an’ a’ that,
The DOMS are but the guinea’s stamp,
The man’s the gowd for a’ that.

What though on protein shakes we dine,
And bulk, and tone, an’ a’ that?
Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine,
A man’s a man for a’ that.
For a’ that, an’ a’ that,
Glamour muscles show, an’ a’ that,
The honest lifter, tho’ e’er sae poor,
Is king o’ men for a’ that.


Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and your arms not spot mine?

Can you provide a spot, my jo,
I’ll spot if you spot mine,
I’ve several sets left to go yet,
Then I’ll be spotting thine.

And surely ye’ll work in with me!
and I’ll help thee rack thine!
And we’ll tak’ a couple drop sets left,
for auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the rack,
and bench bodyweight fine;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,
sin’ egg whites and cysteine.

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