5. Becomes rich in potassium, manganese, and fiber
4. Botanically a berry
3. Easier to peel
2. When packed in crates, often harbors stowaways like the Brazilian Wandering Spider
1. Generally picked green, and allowed to ripen in special rooms upon arrival in the destination country
5. You can get it from whispering
4. Connor is whispering to you right now
3. You have any choice in whether Connor whispers to you or not
2. Connor has chosen you for something very special
1. Don’t tell the others
2. No
1. We’re sorry, we’re so sorry, please don’t be angry with us, we just had to see you again and we didn’t know how else to get your attention
7. Find one of those artists who writes people’s names on a grain of sand at street festivals and ask about his hourly rates
6. They need thirty days’ notice under most state rental laws
5. If it’s not delivered to the queen herself it’s not considered legally binding – do NOT just pass it off to one of the winged alates with sexual characteristics
4. Won’t you come in and see the queen
3. The queen is grateful to you for your service and has a favor she would like to ask but she is too shy
2. Won’t you come closer so that she can whisper it to you
1. There is no male like you in the Colony. No one else is worthy of her. Will you –? You will? Good. You will bring her a great deal of pleasure, and when you die, the Sterile Bards will compose songs about your service to her.
7. The Flesh Desert
6. Kirk
5. Police tape
4. Your hands
3. “The Gorge”
2. Mmm better not touch that either
1. Bone City
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The Sterile Bards is the hottest new post punk all girl rock group in Chicago.
Good luck convincing dudes to keep their hands away from Bone City.
Or Kirk.
I wanted to thumbs-up this but it’s at 69 points right now so I can’t.
The rest of us apologize.
Whew thanks feeling so much better about my health now.
But you didn’t write anything for the promoted content at the bottom!
You guys think under the police tape is a mannequin or a now-suffocated human person?
It was a self-fulfilling crime scene.
Both. Definitely both.
6. Kirk
Or Kirk?
Don’t touch his bamboo cannon with your hands.
You don’t know where it’s boldly gone.
So if I can’t touch him with my hands I can still touch him with other parts….?
When packed in crates, often harbors stowaways like the Brazilian Wandering Spider
BANANA PENIS SPIDERS. Takes Arachnophobia to a whole new level of ick.
Someone I know found a teeny tiny scorpion on her organic bananas, and has been on the news and stuff about it. I have no idea what she thought the pesticides were for.
definitely not for scorpions, which do not eat bananas (but might eat the things that pesticides are for)
Point!
Though given how picky we’ve become about expecting food to be clean and flawless, I wouldn’t be surprised if they killed scorpions on purpose just to keep them from hitching a ride.
Also, I guess the scorpion could be seen as an alternative to pesticides – *something* has to keep the bugs from eating your bananas, so you can have either pesticide residue or the occasional bug-eating critter.
This is why I encourage spiders to live in my yard.
Finally, we have the hetfemale equivalent of vagina dentata.
I’m giving it six months before this fact turns up in abstinence-only textbooks :\
We had a Brazilian Wandering Spider in the local Whole Foods in Tulsa, OK. I haven’t bought bananas since.
I bought a bunch of bananas once that I took home to feed my child, and discovered a writhing webby egg sac in. In my kitchen.
The bananas went into the driveway, where I poured an entire pan of boiling water on them, then bagged them (so nothing could get out–I used a shovel and an entire black garbage bag, then double bagged it), then ran over them with the car, then made my husband take them anywhere and throw them away. I don’t know where he took them, but it was away. Away was good.
Should have set the whole thing on fire just to be safe.
Men’s Health will punch you in the head until you are healthy, dammit.
If your hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer . . .
What is this, a center for ants?
Thanks, ants.
Thants.
As if I weren’t already confused, I misread that as “how to give ants an ELECTION notice.” I have to help my ants register to vote now?
There is power in numbers…
What if the final part of your body that you shouldn’t touch with your hands was “Myths”, and then this entire article would implode because of Mallory’s gentle caress?
I know this is like, the opposite point of the article, but now I *really, really* need to know what not to touch. I mean, obviously not your eyes, nose, or mouth. But what are the other four??
Various regions about your genitalia and buttocks, I imagine.
Why on earth would you not touch those?
Edit: oh, you meant according to the article. still you should totally touch your butt…
ok i actually looked up the article bc I was curious too. They are: ear canal, face, butt, eyes, mouth, inside of nose, the skin under your nails. The penis is conspicuously absent from the list :/
Okay, I get the part about not spreading the gunk under your nails to other parts of you, but it makes the headline’s insistence on calling out “hands” as the things with which you should not be touching a little weird, since those are part of your hands </pedant hat>
do not gently remove a section of scalp and skull, and then tenderly poke at the exposed brain with your left index finger
Well, NOW what am I supposed to do with my afternoon?
Guess you’ll have to use your right index finger instead.
I am contractually obliged to offer the following response to your comment. However, under absolutely no circumstances should you read the New Yorker article to which I am about to link.
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2008/06/30/the-…
Aaaaaaaand my work here is done.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
I read that when it came out and it haunts me to this day and I just needed the words “New Yorker” to know what you were linking to, oh god
Thinking about that article was my immediate reaction too. That article is the BEST and also the WORST.
Connor the Cancer Whisperer, mmmmm.
I am imagining that to be the cancer version of a Dog Whisperer.
Is senselessly symbolized by the emoji for eggplant, much to the consternation of at least one vegetarian.
I WAS WHISPERING BUT NOW I’M YELLING.
ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ALL OF US CANCER??
BUT SINCE YELLING IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHISPERING AREN’T THEY GIVING US THE OPPOSITE OF CANCER?
YELLING IS OFFICIALLY THE ANTI-CANCER, YOU ARE EITHER A YELLER OR PRO-CANCER WHAT’S IT GOING TO BE
LET ME SLEEP ON IT
I bought a bunch of bananas once that I took home to feed my child, and discovered a writhing webby egg sac in. In my kitchen.
The bananas went into the driveway, where I poured an entire pan of boiling water on them, then bagged them (so nothing could get out–I used a shovel and an entire black garbage bag, then double bagged it), then ran over them with the car, then made my husband take them anywhere and throw them away. I don't know where he took them, but it was away. Away was good.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
I read that when it came out and it haunts me to this day and I just needed the words "New Yorker" to know what you were linking to, oh god