Toasties. Behold the perfect emergency lunch. A frozen bagel toasted with tomato, salted avocado (no one has time for guacamole when hangry), jalapeños, and chopped-up string cheese. Perfection. What are your lunches or dinners of desperation? Open thread!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender is in
HELLO TOASTS. I did not get the job that I interviewed for a couple of weeks ago, which is sad but not terribly unexpected. The supervisor there forwarded my resume to another department though, and I got that application in today, so fingers crossed.
Today has been productively spent hand-lettering signs for the 5K that I’m organizing and also chewing out lazy Man Intern, so I’m calling it a win.
How are you on this fine, fine Friday?
(I am having emergency lunch of Still Eating Breakfast.)
I am taking a much-needed break in the middle of my workday to use my personal laptop on the stolen open wi-fi from the next floor up, to access The Toast and Twitter and other things that are super-blocked by the work internet filter. Woot.
I’m pretty good though! Slept like a baby for 10 hours last night. Spending the weekend on a mini-road-trip with a friend, and then probably lots of book-reading in sunshine.
I wish I had a lazy man intern to chew out!
I didn’t get my job either. There is another job with a local parks system opening up and i’m applying for it tomorrow. Good luck on yours!
I also just found out I did not get a job that I applied for. I didn’t actually want the job? But now I’m going to be unemployed in a month and a half and I don’t really want that either. I don’t know where to start looking for a job 🙁
What have you been reading this week, Toasties? I’ve been mainlining YA to up my page count for my summer reading program, and I found a really interesting Toast-y book among the chaff. It’s called Salvage, and it’s the story of this biracial girl living in a misogynistic space cult who’s sent to Earth in disgrace and learns to make her own future and family independent of male influence. It’s great.
I am thoroughly enjoying China Rich Girlfriend!
I’m going to go download that book now! I am in a reading slump. I need an new nonfiction audio book because this summer I have already finished My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor’s and Bastards by Mary Anna King’s, both of which I would strongly recommend. I also started reading a YA science fiction book called Legend by Marie Lu, but I have kind of lost interest in it. I need to finish it so I know whether or not I can recommend it to my students.
My son (17) really liked the Legend books, went straight through them.
I listen to a lot of NF on audio CD. Now that I am An Old, I have a hard time with it in paper.
Willie Nelson’s new autobiography is interesting (I walked in knowing he’s a country music star who likes to smoke weed).
I’m just starting to listen to Deep Down Dark, the story of the Chilean miners trapped underground for 33 days in a mine collapse.
On my business trip next week I’m taking Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. I assume it’s also available in audio.
King Peggy: An American Secretary, Her Royal Destiny, and the Inspiring Story of How She Changed an African Village is awesome and I listened to it on audio.
In the Kingdom of Ice: The Grand and Terrible Polar Voyage of the USS Jeannette was what I was listening to this winter, but I really should have saved it for this summer! Likewise Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer.
I’m on a Toast induced Ngaio Marsh binge, and also finished Thrown by Kerry Howley.
I’m just finishing up Signal to Noise and I really enjoyed it!
so so good! I love how teenager-y they are. Meche is this wonderfully unlikeable protagonist…she’s so self-centered and stubborn and not very sympathetic to her friends, but I knew I wouldn’t have been any better in her place. and she’s still someone I was totally rooting for the whole time.
Yes! You can tell she is kind of a pain but also sympathetic since you are in her head / situation.
I’ve been plowing through Ursula Le Guin’s “Left Hand of Darkness” for a book club on Sunday. (I can reasonably expect to finish it in time.) It’s interesting. I have no doubt that, if Le Guin were to write it nowadays, she would have made different choices in how to portray the ambi-sexual race of people, specifically the language used to refer to them. In terms of pure physiology and how that affects their culture, I really dig it. I also like that the main character is a black guy and that is not made a huge deal – indeed, it isn’t revealed for several chapters. (I had at first assumed the main character was Japanese, based on his last name.) I really love the pseudo-documentary format she uses to tell the story, too.
The plot reminds me (in a good way) of the Star Trek: TNG episode “First Contact,” in which we get to see how the Federation handles first contact with pre-warp-technology civilizations. I actually wonder if the TNG episode drew inspiration from LHOD.
I was just thinking of re-readimg Left Hand. Your post reminds me how much I liked the narrator .
He’s a great example of an unreliable narrator who is still a likeable person. Normally I feel like “unreliable narrator” is used as code for “asshole/bigoted main character”, but Genly is genuinely a decent guy – he just also has his own cultural assumptions and biases, like anyone would.
For some reason I assumed the narrator for an old white woman when I first started reading it. I really like hearing what other people thought the narrator was (until we found out otherwise).
I just finished a book called “Revolt and Crisis in Greece” which was thoroughly disappointing. If I had done my due diligence and noticed that it’s published by a ~communist anarchist collective~ I would have put it right back on the library shelf. There were two interesting chapters and the rest were like a game of “How many times can we quote Marx, Foucault and Zizek in a single page?” That is a game that has no winners, my friends.
HOWEVER, tomorrow I am starting “Messy” by the Fug Girls, the sequel to “Spoiled,” and that should be great.
To be honest, I’m impressed that a communist anarchist collective could get it together sufficiently to actually publish a book.
ZING!
I read all of Uprooted in two days, it was excellent, I’m still thinking about it! I just started reading An Ember in the Ashes, which has been OK but my brain is still too invested in the Uprooted world for me to really get into it. Salvage sounds awesome! Adding that one to my list for sure!
I could not put down Uprooted once started. Oh my goodness so hooked.
Same! I started it and all of a sudden if I was awake and not at work or driving, I had to be reading it! I really didn’t want it to end because I was enjoying it all so much!
LOVED Uprooted! I would have started an immediate re-read if there hadn’t been such a huge backlog of library holds awaiting me. The depiction of female friendship was just lovely.
I finished it and gave it to my little sister to read (since I still have it for like 2.5 weeks from the library right now), but I almost wish I hadn’t so I could reread it! Kaisa and Agnieszka were perfect, and their friendship was so realistic and nuanced!
Ooooooh Uprooted is sitting on my shelf at home waiting for the perfect time. The perfect time might be this weekend.
UPROOTED. I bought it on Sunday to reward myself for all the work I did moving on Saturday, and also because then I would have a good book to read this week.
I could not sleep on Sunday until I finished it. Where do I go from here?
I just started Uprooted yesterday and I am very much regretting the necessity of being in the office today. It’s like they don’t understand that I need to know what happens next!
Just bought it! Thanks for putting Uprooted on my radar, Toasties!
I also read both of those in the same week! I want to go read Uprooted again soon, I think.
I just finished “The Distant Horns of Summer” by H.E Bates , which was quite lovely and haunting. Highly recommend as a summer read! (And you can buy it used for a penny on Amazon!)
http://www.amazon.com/The-Distant-Horns-Summer-Un…
It’s about a 17-year-old babysitter who has sole charge of a little boy for a few months while his parents are abroad, and the imaginary world they create together (with seemingly-real imaginary friends). It’s one of the best books I’ve ever read in terms of capturing the inner life of a child and how an actual child thinks.
I’ve also been working my way through “Whose Body?” , with the intention of reading the whole Lord Peter Wimsey series. I’m finding it slow going so far, to be honest, but everyone seems to think it’s worth slogging through and that the later ones are much better. (I’m a OCD completist, so I have to read them in order!)
I read Whose Body? a few weeks ago with the intention of starting the Lord Peter Wimsey series, and I also found it very slow and difficult to get through. Everyone I know who has read the series loves it, but I’m doubtful after that one. I’m sure the series gets better, it’s just a matter of convincing myself to read more than that first one now!
It does get better. So, so much better. I remember very little about the first three books (sorry) but The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club is one of my favorite golden-age mystery stories, and then you get Strong Poison with Harriet and the seances and <3 <3 <3
(I understand the OCD completist tendencies, but if you’re finding it a hard slog, you could just skip straight to Unpleasantness and not miss a whole lot. Or, Miss Climpson comes in in Unnatural Death.)
This is excellent to know! I like to do series in order when I can, but I’m not opposed to skipping ahead to get to better stories in some cases, and it helps a lot to know where to jump back in!
‘Whose Body?’ and the one about the artists’ colony, ah, ‘The Five Red Herrings’ are the two more boring Whimsey novels, in my opinion. Of the non-Harriet Vane novels, my favorite is ‘Murder Must Advertise’. I don’t even remember what order they were published, I read them as I found copies in second hand stores. 🙂
Oh, it does get better! I mean, a lot of it is going to be personal preference, but Whose Body? is by far the most racist and least fun. Once Harriet Vane shows up they are amazing. I’ve forbidden myself from finishing the series because I’ll only get to read them for the first time once (I’m a nutter). Do give them another try – or try the short stories, which are also delightful but less work than one of her novels.
You aren’t a nutter, that’s exactly the reason I’ve never read Persuasion – once it’s done, I’ll never have any new Jane Austen to read.
Oh, but Persuasion!
(I absolutely understand, I was holding off on the last Bujold book until her new novella came out, I dread the thought of being Out Of Bujold, even though she’s still actively writing!)
I was tearing through Austen for the first time when Robertson Davies died two books into a trilogy, and Persuasion was what I had left.
It still sits on my shelf waiting to be broken out in case of Life’s Direst Emergency.
(You’re a stronger person than I am, to be able to leave any Bujold unread!)
Yeah, I remember not particularly liking “Whose Body?” but “Murder Must Advertise, where Wimsey takes a job in an advertising firm is one of my favorites, because the office culture and advertising work of the time is fascinating!
Ditto to encouraging keeping going on, and Murder Must Advertise is one of my favorites, too. The Masterpiece Mystery version with Ian Carmichael is also great fun.
I’m always of two minds about the racism depicted in Sayers–sometimes I think “this is just an accurate representation of the people and class of the time that she’s writing about” and wonder whether people would so quickly assume that the characters’ opinions are those of the author if it weren’t that these are mysteries, and therefore not Literature. And then sometime I think, “Sayers herself was of her own time and these are, unfortunately, the attitudes of her time and class.” For instance, for all of the greatness of Miss Climpson and Sayers’ championing of the value of middle-aged spinsters, in the same novel where she first appears, we also get a classic Evil Lesbian who seems to be Evil simply because she’s a lesbian.
I dunno, I think she’s evil because she’s got this massive sense of entitlement and thinks she can do what she likes, and she’s using whatserface as an alibi – if there had happened to be a young man in love with her, she’d have used him in just the same way. Sylvia an Eiluned are pretty obbvious lesbians, aren’t they?
I agree with the entitlement, and she does indeed use the somewhat-smitten lawyer, whom she later tries to kill–but, on my recent re-reading of the book, it seemed to me that this was expressed as another example of her Evil Lesbianism. The whole bit where she tries, so clumsily, to seduce Lord Peter, is also framed as “a real [i.e. hetero] woman would have known how to do this, in fact jumped at the chance” and Lord Peter’s reading of her response is definitely presented as the correct reading: she is “unnatural” in every way imaginable. Hence, the message seems to be that she is evil and unnatural, the symptoms of which are a) lesbianism, and b) murder. But I also agree that Sylvia and Eiluned are presented in Strong Poison as both lesbian and very much A Good Thing. Which is why I’m always on the fence about reading Sayers’s personal opinions into her work–and also of the opinion that her opinions may well have changed over time.
And Unnatural Death also has the relationship between Agatha Dawson and Clara Whittaker, which appears very strongly to be a postive depiction of a lesbian relationship. I can definitely see the interpretation of Mary Whittaker as an Evil Lesbian, but I don’t see her as one myself – I read her as not being interested in love and sex at all (not that the Evil Asexual is a better stereotype), with the relationship with Vera Findlater just being for her own manipulative purposes, rather than genuine interest.
I just saw it as Evil – she killed Vera (thankyou bookwormV for remembering her name!), tried to kill the lawyer (and he didn’t seem to think she was shrinking or unnatural or notice anything fake), and seemed pretty indiscriminate in who she seduces and then kills.
I read the attempted seduction as her heart definitely not being it and it was very forced by circumstance, but more that it was Peter’s paragon of perfect insight-ness that he noticed she was faking it, rather than her being unconvincing to someone who wasn’t already on the alert.
Murder Must Advertise is wonderful. I know Sayers didn’t like it much (it was dashed off relatively quickly because The Nine Tailors was taking ages), but I think it’s hilarious.
I was in the hospital recently (out and doing ok now!) and I binged on fun easy romance novels in there. Right now I’m working on 9 Rules To Break When Romancing A Rake- still early on in it, but it seems fun so far! I also have Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility on my Kindle, for my semiannual summer Austen binge.
And holy cats, you guys, I finally read Uprooted by Naomi Novik while I was stuck in the hospital and it is SO, SO GOOD. A++++++, HIGHLY recommended. It’s…sensible fantasy, if that’s a thing? And the main character is GREAT, just smart and conflicted and a shitkicker when necessary, I love her.
Uprooted was everything that I had been promised it would be and more! It was just so good, I couldn’t put it down!
I thought all of Sarah MacLean’s books, including 9 Rules, were really delightful! Uprooted is on my Kindle now, and it’s great to be reminded I should pull it up — I had gotten a bit tired of the Temeraire universe but Naomi Novik generally seems awesome.
I’m reading “S” by JJ Abrams and Doug Dorst or whoever. I’m pretty sure someone on here mentioned it. It’s gimmicky but oh so good.
Me too! (I keep forgetting that I’m reading it because I usually bring my current book with me everywhere but I can’t do it with that one, I’m afraid of losing some of the stray pieces.) I’m really liking the commentators, and I’m having fun rolling my eyes at the novel.
So uh, my copy’s from the library! And all the inserts are out of order. I’ve dug them all out and have been filing them back in as I read and come across the explicit mentions, but I was kinda hoping to find some sort of guide online that tells you where they are supposed to be found.
Did you get your copy retail? Was there anything not-where-it-is-referred-to? I keep thinking the postcards are probably filed randomly.
I got mine from the library and our cataloging department helpfully listed exactly where each insert went, so I filed them before I started reading. And not only that, they put it in the catalog! So here it is for you:
Konfidentiell letter (2 leaves), [insert between p. viii-ix] ;
Pollard State University : VMS accused of… ( 1 leaf), [insert between p. 10-11] ;
Xerox copy of journal article (1 leaf), [insert between p. 20-21] ;
Newspaper clipping (2 p.), [insert between p. 32 -33] ;
Telegram (2 leaves), [insert between p. 54-55] ;
1 Newspaper clipping/memo (1 leaf), [insert between p. 68-69] ;
Letter from Desjardins (1 leaf), [insert between p. 86-87] ;
Letter from Jen (4 p.), [insert between p. 100-101] ;
1 Brazil postcard [insert between p. 112-113] ;
1 photograph of stone wall [insert between p. 130-131] ;
1 Birds of Brazil postcard [insert between p.178-179] ;
1 Postcard of palms [insert between p.190-191] ;
1 Postcard of a beach [insert between p. 192-193] ;
1 Postcard ‘Pictorial Brazil’ (20 April near Marau) [insert between p. 200-201] ;
So… My Uncle Zeke (5 p. on yellow, legal paper), [insert between p. 202-203] ;
1 photograph of woman [insert between p. 242-243] ;
1 newspaper clipping within 1 greeting card [insert between p. 256-257] ;
1 map on napkin [insert between p. 306-307] ;
1 In memoriam card [insert between p. 360-361] ;
Letter from J [4 p.], [insert between p. 376-377] ;
Letter from Esmerlinda Pega (1 leaf), [insert between p. 416-417] ;
1 decoder wheel [insert between end leaf and p. 3 of cover].
YOU ARE MY HERO. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
That book is so fun! Loved it.
I re-read Good Omens for the bajillionth time on my drive up (using a combination of the audiobook in the car and the printed book in the hotels), and was reminded why it still tops the list of my favorite books, even after all this time. Sister Mary the Satanic Nun-turned-Intrepid Businesswoman never fails to make me smile.
I also re-read Paper Towns on Monday in preparation for the movie that’s coming out next week. Having just completed an insanely long drive, it gave me all the warm-fuzzy feelings I have about traveling, but at double the strength. If you’re a fan of road trip stories, mysteries, and watching the MPDG trope get turned on its head, I think you might like it. 😀
(Also, Salvage sounds AMAZING. brb gonna look it up on amazon)
I just finished Karen Memory by Elizabeth Bear, which was really quite fun and diverse and had a relatable and believable steampunk setting.
I just finished The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins which was horrifying yet compulsively readable, sort of a futuristic Secret History meets Lord of the Flies if that makes any sense at all? It is dude’s first published novel, apparently, and he has got it going ON.
Now on to Lois McMaster Bujold’s new novella. Demonic possession will be a nice fluffy change of pace after Library at Mount Char.
It is, amazingly enough, a nice fluffy demonic possession
You always can trust LMB to do right by demonic possession.
I’m alternating between Mary Balogh’s backlist and My Basmati Bat Mitzvah which is giving me an UNHOLY number of flashbacks to Hebrew school/my bat mitzvah.
That sounds excellent!
I just finished a really swell YA series, The Agency – about a secret women’s spy/detective organization in 1850s London, featuring a main character of color and lots of mystery adventures!
If anyone has any recommendations for books that take place in a similar time period/have a similar vibe (only ones I can think of are Libba Bray and the Great and Terrible Beauty series) – Victorian-y, paranormal, mystery, etc OR gangster-era American history, I would LOVE to know your faves!
I love the Agency series!
I posted upthread about Karen Memory, but I’ll plug it again. Victorian era steampunk version of sort of Seattle, but not overdone on the steampunk. Lady main character, majority of secondary characters are POC (and mostly WOC), all about women taking charge and getting shit done.
That sounds excellent, thank you!
Have you read anything by Gail Carriger? I haven’t, but have heard great things about her Soulless series, which is a steampunk paranormal romance.
Maybe Maureen Johnson’s Shades of London series? The first one is called The Name of the Star and I remember it being pretty good. There’s a sequel or two out now. It’s the same kind of YA paranormal time-travel-y stuff.
I love Libba Bray, so while her most recent work isn’t Victorian, I’ll plug it anyway – The Diviners, set in 1920s NYC. Also historical paranormal YA.
Edit: Wait, I just realized you didn’t specify YA. How about Sarah Waters? Super spooky (though not always paranormal), but definitely the right time period.
Ah, I’ve actually read both of those and I LOVE them. I’m impatiently waiting for a sequel to The Diviners, haha.
Check out the Parasol Protectorate series. “Victorian-y, paranormal, mystery” describes it to a tee. I read only the first one, but I’ve been meaning to pick up the others. I hear that the first one is actually the weakest of the bunch, so there you go.
I started with Gail Carriger’s YA Finishing School books (set in the same Victorian paranormal universe) — I got those and the first Parasol Protectorate (Soulless) from the library, and then had to buy the whole Parasol Protectorate series on Kindle so I could read them immediately. As soon as I saw the description “Victorian-y, paranormal, mystery” I jumped down to see if anyone else recommended them, because yes, to a tee.
Yes, they definitely get better as they go on. Characters get more developed, les caricaturey.
For gangster-era, Alaya Dawn Johnson has a book – Moonshine, I think? – with gangster vampires that my friend will not stop raving about.
I just finished The Three-Body Problem, which I highly recommend to anyone interested in space, SETI, the Cultural Revolution, and cults. I can’t wait for the other two books in the trilogy to get translated.
Tor.com has the prologue for Book 2 up!
Ooh, I’m reading it now!
I just finished The Silkworm, which I really enjoyed. Though I’d been warned about cannibalism and was braced for the worst, and it was surprisingly tame. Which is good, just a weird thought to have upon finishing a book.
Now I’m continuing my journey through the Wheel of Time with the 9th book. So far I’ve read the prologue which was nearly 100 pages long. Someday I’ll finish this series
I finished a re-read of Terry Pratchett’s Tiffany Aching books in preparation for the new (and final) one coming out in a couple months, and it reminded me that they are my favorites of his. So lovely.
I also just finished the only Sarah Waters book I hadn’t read, The Little Stranger. Picked it up on sale while on a trip, and it was…fine. Interesting to read a male protagonist from her, even if I wanted to hit him sometimes. Mostly it was an easy thriller read, but it kind of had no ending?
Now I’ve just started another book I got on the same trip, Alif the Unseen by G. Willow Wilson. I’m really enjoying the setting so far – I used to read a lot of books set in the Middle East, but it’s been a while and it’s so nice to be back in that environment. I’m not far enough in to know how I feel about the story, but I am hopeful.
I love Alif the Unseen! I need to read more fantasy set in the Middle East–do you have any recommendations?
That was my first Sarah Waters because I liked the idea of a haunted house story and I wasn’t crazy about it. Maybe in part because I was so uninterested in the protagonist. If I was underwhelmed with this one, should I consider picking up others of hers?
YES. I love Waters’ other books, but found The Little Stranger underwhelming. I suggest Affinity if you’re looking for something on the supernatural side.
Completely co-sign the other reply. The other Sarah Waters books have much more interesting characters and plots. Affinity is the only other ghost-y one, but Tipping the Velvet is actually my favorite.
Thanks! Affinity was the other one I’d eyed based on all the Waters praise I’d heard, but was holding off on buying because the Little Stranger had me unsure.
Wait, there’s a new Tiffany Aching book coming out?! How did I miss that! It is also my favorite of his series, but everytime one comes out I think it’s the last one! I’m pleasantly surprised that there will be one more. I’ll need to do a re-read now too!
I love the G. Willow Wilson I’ve read, but haven’t read Alif yet — thanks for the reminder! Cairo is great, though, if you haven’t read it yet.
On Tuesday I finished my Hugo-nominated novel reading (that is, the real Hugo nominees, not the *ptui* Puppy nominees) with The Three-Body Problem, which was interesting but felt like the introduction to a novel where stuff actually happens. I’m hoping that’s book two.
This week has been rough, so now I’m back to comfort-reading the Aubreyad. So far I have refrained from calling anyone at work “my dear,” but I’m only in Master and Commander, so that’ll change.
Should I keep reading the Aubreyad (SUCH a great name for it!)? I finished M&C a little while ago and was somewhat underwhelmed. I love nautical fiction, so had incredibly high expectations for O’Brien, my own fault. It seems like Forester focuses more on the characters, and O’Brien more on the nautical terms. Does that change? Am I missing important character development?
Oh, do continue. The first couple of books are a little rocky – I think he originally intended M&C to be a standalone and then got sucked in. Post Captain, the next one, is huge and sprawling and weird (like, Stephen and Jack are going to duel and then just forget about it,giant dorks that they are) but after that they just become this endless sea of gorgeous friendship punctuated by naval battles and unusual animals. Forester spends a lot of time in Hornblower’s head, but Jack and Stephen develop much more as characters over the course of the series.
Hoorah, thank you! I will pick up Post Captain for vacation week and keep going. I had heard such great things about the Aubrey/Maturin friendship that just didn’t come across in M&C, so I’ll look forward to that in the rest of the series.
Yay! I hope you get sucked in like all the rest of us – er, I hope you enjoy it. 😉 Theirs is a friendship that grows, in a very realistic way I think, through the course of the series. (There’s a scene in one of the last couple of books with Stephen listening to Jack play the violin that just breaks my heart every time.)
Salvage sounds awesome! Adding to to-read tower.
I’m reading The Sellout, which is so dense with references and wordplay and jokes and levels of satire, it’s slow reading. But it’s at least as good as The White Boy Shuffle. I find satire like that pretty hit or miss, sometimes you totally lose the thread of plot or just want to shake the author and ask “what are you actually getting at here??” but this is a hit for sure.
I finished Attachments a few days ago and then my partner picked it up and then he couldn’t put it down and had to admit maybe he could give some romances a shot. Dude had a very white-nerdboy literary upbringing and is working on remedying that.
I’ve also been reading some YA lately, most notably Code Name Verity which was beautiful and heartbreaking. I decided to rip the band aid off and read the sequel immediately, Rose Under Fire, even though it promises to be equally as heartbreaking. So far it’s just as great as CNV.
It seems like people tend to like Rose Under Fire a lot less than CNV, and I can see their issues with it, but I really enjoyed it and I adore Roza so much I’m glad to be able to spend time with her.
I just read Rose Under Fire too! I liked it a bit less than Code Name Verity, but it was still great (if harrowing).
Just got book 5 of The Expanse (Nemesis Games) from the library yesterday and am super excited to read it. I’m so psyched that the series is being made into a TV show and that people seemed to like the pilot that was screened at Comic-Con.
Nemesis Games is on my library shelf! The trailer for the show was really intriguing – the casting for the two male protagonists was entirely not how I would have called it, but I’m prepared to be surprised and delighted.
Same, I pictured Miller as sort of Kevin Dunn-ish, although he is a Belter so I guess that doesn’t exactly work. I also didn’t picture Holden as quite so baby-faced, but it does work for me because of how naive he can be. I do admire the authors’ ability to make both Miller and Holden seem reasonable when you are in their POV, but when you read someone else’s POV, Miller is a huge asshole and Holden is basically a baby sticking paperclips into electrical sockets.
Yes, there are a few alarm bells going off when you’re in their respective POV but they’re so teeny and faint, it’s not until you switch POV that you realise how very jackass they are. It will be interesting to see how the show deals with portraying two main characters who are both highly unreliable narrators.
That is the best description of Holden, tho.
“Information needs to be freeeeeeee!”
**immediately starts a war**
“Holden, no!”
“HOLDEN YES!”
*doesn’t learn his lesson the first eighty times*
I finished “Unaccustomed Earth” by Jhumpa Lahiri last night. I really enjoyed most of the stories and I’ll be thinking about it for awhile.
I am greatly enjoying Ken Liu’s The Grace of Kings. Very good epic fantasy.
I’m listening to the audiobook of The Martian and I really like it so far. It seems like the movie is going to show more “earth reactions” but I would honestly be fine if the movie was just Matt Damon narrating over shots of him making lists, doing math, setting tiny terrifying fires, and dicing potatoes. And slowly loving all the crappy old tv shows.
Oh! Im glad to hear you like it. Amazon keeps telling me I’ll love this book and Ive been resisting.
That book sounds fantastic. I just finished Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen, which made me wistful for teenager-hood (while remaining very thankful that I’m an adult), and am now almost done with Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng. It’s really, really beautiful, and also incredibly depressing.
Just raced through Orange is the New Black, Little Women, Stone Butch Blues, and Under the Banner of Heaven between work-related books, and it was kind of a mistake to gobble them so quickly. Prison uniforms and pinafores and suit coats and murders all messing up my dream life now.
I am now on page 450 of Anna Karenina
Awesome!! Anna Karenina is the BEST
Has anybody else read Seraphina? The next one hasn’t come out yet and it’s breaking my heart
Thanks so much for recommending Salvage! I just finished it and you were right, it is so great!
Magic Mike was pretty good but I’m a little wistful for the straight retelling of the Odyssey it could have been.
Paging Channing Tatum … we will be needing a third movie.
Yes! I was saying how it reminded me so much of O Brother, Where Art Thou? More modern movies need to be quest-oriented.
Hello Toasts!
Mrs_Peel and I just recently discovered that we are both in the Rochester region, and thought maybe we could do a Western New York Toast meetup. Are there any brave snowbelt Toasts from Buffalo to Syracuse who have any interest in meeting up in the beautiful City of Rochester?
Additionally, I have zero idea how a meetup works. I’m imagining a date and time and place and we all just get together and have drinks and (possibly) snacks, but I’m not entirely sure. Am I wrong to assume there’s more than that? Is there a tour involved? An official Song? Will it need a name? (off the top of my head I’m thinking YousToasties or Toast on Weck, but those seem to be mostly Buffalo-isms)
Either way, to those who have gone before: if you have any advice, please pass along; and if you’re interested let me know!
Yay!! 🙂
I will be wearing a green carnation so you can identify me, and I’ll start working on an official song. Maybe to the tune of the “Erie Canal”?
I think “Toast on Weck” is a great name. (I guess if you wanted to make it more Rochester-specific, we could be the “Toastie Red Hots”? Better than anything to do with a garbage plate…)
I, too, am [transplanted] here in Rochester… I think an important question to start the ball rolling is… Coffee or Booze??
PaisleyLo and I are also museum ladies with very interesting jobs, in case that adds to our appeal. Also we really love Channing Tatum, so this meet-up may just devolve into us doing a dramatic reading of Mallory’s “If Foxcatcher Were About Catching Foxes” script.
I love both those things– don’t make me choose! I do have some suggestions, though:
– Starry Nights cafe
– South Wedge Diner
– Tapas 177
I didn’t realize you were both museum ladies, how cool! I’m not at the moment, but I used to work in the Eastman House film archive (so I sort of count? Maybe?)
Totally down for any dramatic readings from The Toast.
I am also a Rochester toastie and am definitely interested in a meetup! No clue how these things work, but both coffee and booze are delightful! I’m not originally from here and most of my time in Rochester thus far was spent as an undergrad so I will happily defer to other people’s suggestions as to what places are good since I’m mostly just familiar with the UofR/White Coat area.
Wonderful! How about we take this offline? Feel free to email me at paisleylo [at] gmail [dot] com, and we’ll start an email thread there! Lurkers too are welcome 😉
I just sent an email. 🙂 I had no idea there were so many Rochester Toasties– how exciting!
How did I miss this? I’m in syracuse and would love to meet up! My email is shakerethyl at gmail!
Hey Toast! I am having a WEIRD TIME.
I posted a week or so ago in one of the link roundups about my horrific experience getting bitten by bedbugs in a hostel in Montreal earlier this month. At the time I was losing my shit about maybe having brought them home, despite taking many precautions involving garbage bags and frantic laundry-doing. The good news is, I did not bring them home! My landlady, best human alive, felt so bad for me after she saw how upset I was that she hired (and paid for) a BED BUG DOG to come in and check the apartment. The bed bug dog was visibly disappointed not to have found any bed bugs, poor guy, but the whole operation seemed super legit and I am no longer afraid we currently have bed bugs in the house.
HOWEVER. My poor brain, instead of taking this good news as an opportunity to CALM ITS SHIT, has now decided that bed bugs are the greatest threat humanity has ever faced and that I must be vigilant in worrying about them at all times. I have been particularly fixated on some work trips I have coming up and all the hotels I’m going to have to stay in and weird places my luggage will go (planes, trains, etc). I am well and truly obsessed with this to the point where it is literally ALWAYS on my mind, though how bad it makes me feel at any given moment varies a lot. I logically understand that I am highly unlikely to encounter bed bugs again, let alone bring them home in some convoluted way. I am in fact far LESS likely to have a problem now that I know to check my hotel rooms and not spread my clothing all over the bed and do laundry right away and all that stuff. I also know that if I DID somehow bring home bed bugs, my amazing landlady and single-unit apartment and super intense allergic response to the bites would all save me from ever having the kind of horror-story experience you read about on the internet. But none of these things make me feel better, so I’m just experiencing this constant low-level dread while my evil dinosaur brain whispers to me about how it’s ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL BEDBUGS RUIN YOUR LIFE, JUST WAIT.
This is a very weird experience for me because I am not a particularly anxious person or prone to worrying about things that I can’t control. It is very frustrating and also kind of scary, though I’m trying to remind myself that I already feel much better than I did a week ago and time will definitely fix this (though I will never approach hotel rooms in the same way again!). I was also on a 7-day course of prednisone for the bites when I first got home, which I’m pretty sure contributed to the straight-up panic I experienced earlier, though I’ve been off it for a week now.
Has anyone else ever experienced this kind of intense, targeted worry and fixation on something? I’ve gotten a lot of good information from chronically anxious friends about managing weird upsetting feelings, but this is a little different than that, I think.
Will also accept any and all stories about how bed bugs aren’t actually that big a deal, obviously.
We had a bed bug related issue a few weeks ago; Still don’t know if we actually had bed bugs in the house or not, because instead of getting an actual professional into the house to do an assessment, the landlord just got some random mate of his to come around with a carrier bag of chemicals and tear our house apart (and spray all of our clothes, despite multiple requests not to, and the fact that everything was double bagged in garbage bags. Yes he tore open the bags to spray our clothes. I’m fucking pissed)
So I get your anxiety! We don’t seem to have had anymore issues, and the housemate who was getting the bites that initiate the panic seems to not have gotten anymore bites. But I still panic, especially because such a bad job was done, if there was bugs, they definitely weren’t all killed.
Ugh that is horrible I’m so sorry! I hope everything turns out okay (no bites is good!) and that you never have to see that douchebag ever again.
Consider something like a bedbug oven. That way, when you come home from hotels/airplanes/etc, you can just shove your stuff in it, monitor the temp, and then when it’s done, take your stuff out.
The options on the market are sort of annoyingly expensive, but if you think that having this sort of thing will give you some peace of mind…. it might be worth it.
Ah yeah those are cool! Not gonna lie, I’ve definitely been eyeing something like that, but I sort of… don’t want to give in to my irrational brain, I guess? Like, YES, the peace of mind would be awesome, but also the risk is so small already that it feels like contorting myself to please the anxiety when I should just do the things I reasonably can to protect myself and get on with my life. Maybe that’s the wrong way of looking at it, though?
As a person with round the clock anxiety/legit anxiety disorder, I think sometimes the best way around it is to have that solid peace of mind solution. Otherwise, I can contort my brain into ridiculous and irrational thoughts no matter how small the risk actually is.
As a fellow anxiety-haver I agree. You don’t want to let anxiety talk you into something that’s actually bad for you, and maybe those ovens are too expensive. But everyone does irrational things every day just because they feel good, and you don’t have to wean yourself off of normal human comfort behaviors just because you’re having anxiety about something.
So, I mean, there is *some* risk of bedbugs. But human brains deal with risk poorly. So the degree to which you’re anxious sound irrational, but the concern itself isn’t irrational. That’s what makes this so tricky. Like, I work in an office building, so I’m not going to get bit by a shark at work, I can categorically say I don’t need to be worried about that thing, but bedbugs aren’t as easy.
I wholeheartedly agree with the others— you don’t want whatever coping mechanisms you pick to be BAD for you. And if you try to buy your way out of every single thing that brings you anxiety, even if you have a lot of money, at some point you will have so many things around you that you won’t be able to use those solutions effectively! So, yeah, buying your way out of anxiety will not always work. But if you’re normally not all that anxious, it’s just this one life event that’s totally thrown you for a loop, buying a thing that might be slightly over the top, if you can afford it, isn’t the worst idea ever.
Hmm those are all really good points. Thank you guys for chiming in! This anxiety thing is a new experience for me and it’s really helpful to hear how other people manage similar (and often more difficult) issues.
I am very sorry about this lousy experience and your brain being shitty to you! When I get anxious-fixated on stuff it’s absurd and terrible contingencies, which I then obsessively plan for in minute detail, so I’ve tried shifting my brain to saying “okay, yup, that sure is a plan, well done, congratulations on the plan, now if this absurd and terrible thing happens _you are prepared_.” And this does seem to work. I hope you find something that works for you!
(Also, I love that there are bed bug dogs.)
Yes, that’s definitely a thing I’ve been trying to do! It didn’t help much at first when I was in the throes of PANIC FOREVER NEVER STOP PANICKING, but as time goes on I definitely… believe myself a little bit more. I am hoping this is an upward trend!
The bed bug dog was an adorable tiny beagle and his name was Bugsy and he kept double and triple checking things like if he just sniffed hard enough JUST MAYBE there would be a bed bug after all. It was very cute and also convincing.
HIS NAME WAS BUGSY!!!!
That is really all I have to add, as I have never experience bed bugs, and I do not have practical advice re: your anxiety, but I do hope you feel better soon.
“The bed bug dog was an adorable tiny beagle and his name was Bugsy”
(Dies)
I’m so sorry you’ve been going through so much panic, and I don’t know if I have any good advice about calming down panic!brain, but Bugsy the Bed Bug Beagle sounds delightful. BUGSY!
Guys I would just like to say that I love that everyone’s primary takeaway from this story is HOLY CRAP BED BUG DOGS!!!!!!
I am absolutely not being sarcastic, that is totally the right and proper response and I seriously just love the Toast so so much.
I got bedbugs from a hostel in Greece a few years back and brought them home with me. FORTUNATELY, I hadn’t really unpacked yet when I first noticed the bites, so was able to destroy the little monsters before they mutlipled by roasting them (and all my clothes, and rucksack, and sheets) in the washer and dryer immediately.
But I spent DAYS in that creeped-out, paranoid, state of shock you describe, checking my sheets for signs, checking my body for bites, buying every. Everyone I know who’s had bedbugs has gone through the same thing. It’s just… really psychologically tough to have your home feel like it’s been invaded, that you can’t relax THERE, the place of all places where you should be able to feel comfortable.
So, yeah, I completely understand where you are coming from.
Ugh, that’s awful. But heartening to hear that you were able to kill them all despite bringing your stuff inside! If you spend even five minutes googling bed bugs (DON’T DO THAT, ANYBODY) you’re left with the impression that they’re like invincible secret agent monster bugs that can infest your shit in two seconds flat and then you’ll have to live with them forever until you die.
Do you feel okay traveling and stuff like a normal human now?
Yeah, I feel totally fine about traveling now, though I do always check the hotel beds for bedbug spots! And yes, the Googling makes them sound like an army of tiny, invisible Galactuses, which I think is what made me so paranoid and anxious for so long. But while I don’t doubt many of the horror stories are true, I think the average bedbug attack, while serious, doesn’t require thermonuclear weapons.
Oh, I fully plan on checking all hotel rooms from here on! I travel once or twice a month for work, so I’m going to have to find a way to deal. I am hoping that with some time I will go from “BEDBUGS ARE OUT TO GET ME AND IT’S A MIRACLE I NEVER BROUGHT THEM HOME BEFORE” to “good thing I know how to spot bedbug signs now, I am marginally safer than I used to be!”
I should have stopped my googling once I learned how to treat the stuff that might’ve gotten exposed, but alas I did not and I think it was a big part of why I freaked out to the extent that I did.
“invincible secret agent monster bugs that can infest your shit in two seconds flat and then you’ll have to live with them forever until you die.”
I love this, thank you for this. You have perfectly explained the way I felt two years ago when I had bed bugs. It ended up being MUCH less ridiculous and painful than the internet would have had me believe and that, I believe, is because I caught the infestation early.
Oof, that sounds really lousy! I’ve had some experience with obsessive thoughts, especially around sudden events (like, when I got pregnant, I spent hours obsessively googling miscarriage rates, which wasn’t awesome). Would something like a reality-check checklist help? Like reminding yourself: 1) I have no bites 2) I have not seen a bug 3) I have checked thoroughly 4) Since 1,2, and 3 are true, I can put this out of my mind for 24 hours and come back to it then.
That’s a good idea! I also got a little plastic + cardboard trap thingy that’s supposed to alert you if you pick any up (they’ll move into it, or something? I dunno) and I have no idea if it even works but just having it there to check makes me feel a little better.
I have no good suggestions, just wanted to reassure you that feeling this way is TOTALLY NORMAL (if that helps at all).
My sister had a bedbug issue last year, and they are *such* a pain to deal with that freaking about them is completely justified.
ahh… i hear ya… my flatmate and i dealt with bedbugs last autumn – i actually didn’t experience a single bite, but she was covered in them, and was sleeping on our sofa after spending a whole night in bed with a torch watching them move around. an entire week of bin bag after bin bag up to the laundry, blasting at mega heat, putting all our stuff in plastic boxes… we had an exterminator in who was like, and of course, what they most like is wood and my flatmate was like THEY WHAAAAAAAT, staring at our floors, cupboards, table etc… We couldn’t have people over because everything was in boxes and bags, then I had a guest arrive and we had to explain, and there’s just so much stigma etc attached and we were so embarrassed… But after that v stressful weekend, they were gone, and it was all back to normal, except my flatmate couldn’t stop panicking – she was still staying awake at night, monitoring her bedsheets, if she got the slightest teeniest bump anywhere she was like – THEY’RE BAAAAAACK CALL THE EXTERMINATOR… She is generally such a reasoned and chilled person so it was definitely surprising to see her so anxious and fixated but then also so understandable – bed bugs are so out of our control to a large extent and there’s so much fear mongering that even after a relatively short and easily fixed experience you’re kind of like… but people in the forums said it would be worse MUCH worse and that i’d have to burn everything i won and live on the streets for a while and douse myself in alcoholic disinfectant thrice a day, so maybe that experience is still to come oh god oh god oh god
SO I think you’re not alone, because bed bugs are a scary thing to get and i think lots of people deal with fear and paranoia afterwards, but honestly after a short while we realised that it was actually only a single week that was difficult (obviously worse for my flatmate, as she was bitten but it was still not the end of the world), there hasn’t been any worry since and we’ve both travelled etc, and like you said are both now so much less likely to get them again because we are lot more careful (and cleaner! which can only be a good thing for us!) and now just own lots of big, sturdy plastic boxes that will be dead handy for when we move. So – swings and roundabouts, but you’re not alone in your bed bug anxiety. But I had them! And survived! So I’m confident that in time your anxiety will subside and your ancient lizard brain will give you a break.
Ah thank you this is such a hopeful story! One thing I’ve really been struggling with is telling myself “hey, you know, you probably won’t get bed bugs but EVEN IF YOU DO, it’ll be fine because you’ll know exactly what to do! It would be kind of a hassle but not that big a deal!” And my lizard brain is like BUT REMEMBER THE FORUMS, NEVER FORGET THE FORUMS. Those forums are a hot mess, and it IS exactly like you say — everything is fine now but the forums said it would be so much worse so WHEN IS THAT GONNA HAPPEN BETTER BE ON ALERT FOREVER JUST IN CASE.
But like… people like you don’t hang out on bed bug forums! The only people who do that are the ones who either have some kind of bizarre, chronic, outsized problem OR just really love to yell about catastrophes on the internet. It is SO skewed. And I do know better — I got an IUD a while back and there is some RIDICULOUS shit about those on internet forums, people claiming you’ll get pregnant and have a baby with an IUD embedded in its head or it’ll cause your uterus to fall out or whatever. And I had no problem sorting through that information and identifying weird bullshit when I saw it. Bed bugs are just… I dunno, you go in not knowing anything about them and you find those forums and all the people being like THIS IS THE LITERAL WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME and I STRIP NAKED AND BATHE IN BLEACH EVERY TIME I ENTER MY OWN HOME NOW, GOTTA TAKE REASONABLE PRECAUTIONS and the fear is just so catching.
Annnnnyway, thanks for being a true-life voice of reason!
Oh yeah, Internet forums can induce the worst panic! I had to stop reading the pregnancy/baby ones, because it was giving me the worst anxiety. I had to stop and remind myself that forums are self-selecting, and all the people who are not having the worst ever pregnancy/newborn experience aren’t the on there, because they’re just living their lives perfectly happily.
Same with this, I imagine-people who got rid of the bedbugs fairly easily won’t be on the forums to balance them out, so it’s important to remind your anxiety brain about this (and possibly keep off the forums!)
You know, I had bed bugs when I was a dirt bag university student, and it wasn’t a big deal at all, really. I was gifted a mattress by a friend, which was a step up from my futon. A few weeks later I saw a bed bug when I was reading in bed. I pulled the sheets back and there were SO MANY! Because I was a dirt bag, I just dumped the mattress in the alley behind my building the next day, and washed all my fabric shit. I moved all my furniture out of my bedroom to the living room and dumped pot after pot of boiling water on the hardwood floor (it was beat up and really full of cracks) and bleached the heck out of it, and it was fine, no more bugs.
Thanks!! I mean, that’s a horrible thing to have happen but good to hear that you took care of it no problem.
In retrospect, it wasn’t even that horrible! Like most things, I guess, there’s a spectrum of responses and anxieties.
I don’t know if this helps, but when my brain does something really stupid, I just go straight for the evolutionary psychology. Not the stupid gender stuff, the “how would this have worked in monkey times” stuff. It helps me kinda break the fourth wall and step out of my brain’s crazy story.
So I’ll go “okay, I’m illogically freaked out by a thing, and there has to be a reason, but the reason isn’t that this thing actually IS dangerous or likely, because it just isn’t. So, what’s the reason I’m so calibrated for spotting this danger?”
With bed bugs, I think it could be a vigilance for parasites (I had a bed bug scare recently, and I freaked out a little bit even though I’m usually never grossed out by insects). Insects invading me? Basically a parasite, even if they’re only inside my house. Some scientists even think we’re ticklish just so we notice insects on our skin, and then there’s that horrible hallucination some people can get where they think they have insects under their skin, and it’s always bugs, never plants or tiny elephants or whatever. So, clearly my monkey brain is biased to fear insects.
Next step is to get a huge sense of relief when you realise it’s not your fault you’re being a bit irrational – you’re trying to do all this with a MONKEY brain! No wonder you’re so illogical and inefficient sometimes (well, I don’t know your life, but I certainly am), you’re literally operating out of a monkey. Honestly, you should get a banana just for showing up!
This always makes me feel better and then I remind myself to “take care of the monkey” (basically a nerdy easy to say “be nice to yourself” – take care of your body and emotions), and to forgive the monkey for only being a monkey, it can’t help it, really, we’ll just have to do our best.
Hope this helps. I, uh, understand perfectly if this is too weird
Oooh, you poor thing. I went through something similar when I had bedbugs. I picked them up in a grody hostel in Scotland and ended up covered in weeping sores and having to throw out/wash everything TWICE because they weren’t all gone the first time. Honestly, bedbugs can be so traumatizing. They are sneaky and hard to catch, and they come for you when you are all helpless and unconscious. You really have no control and it’s horrible and invasive and disgusting. And it happens in your safe place, your room or your bed or wherever! It sounds like you and your landlady have that super on lock though, and of course people survive bedbug infestations all the time. So even if you do get them again and it sucks, you WILL get rid of them.
My panic over them lasted a little longer because I was travelling at the time. It faded after a few months, but actually for the next couple of years, every few months something would bring bedbugs and their existence back into my memory….and within 24 hours mystery itchy welts would appear on my body. It freaked me the fuck out, but eventually I learned to recognize it as a weird psychological response and I would just tell myself “These are not real bites” and they would disappear. So you are not alone in your obsessive feelings. Give yourself time and space to be freaked out. But also remember, they are just tiny things which can be poisoned. Hooray!
I don’t often comment in these threads or anywhere on the internet really but as someone with OCD I can tell you that repetitive, intense targeted worry and irrational fixations are my JAM!
Thanks to excellent therapy and tasty meds I am able to function pretty well, enough so that when my dear friend came to me after a near miss accident and described some similar focused worrying that was taking over her life I didn’t get edgy…instead I shard with her some handy dandy CBT excercises that have helped me! And I will do the same for you!
First, someone else mentioned writing out a list or plan, which is so handy, I’d also suggest writing out some thought records. Write down the extreme worry and some things that support it or not. Then write a more balanced potential response. This way you can logically deal with your worry when it gets overwhelming.
Secondly, maybe try and make your bedroom or dresser a haven again? Buy you some nice new sheets, get some lavendar or cedar sachets for your drawers. Something that makes your space yours again and allows you to relax.
Good luck, anxiety is exhausting and horrible and I wish you well short of it soon!
Hi- I know you posted this almost a year ago but I am struggling with an ant phobia and this post made me feel a lot better, so thank you
Thank you for this post. I read it every now and then when facing my ant pbobia and the whole thread makes me feel better
Emmy nominations thread?
I’m really thrilled with the Leading Actress in a Drama and Supporting Actor in a Comedy categories, I think the Leading Actor in a Drama category is mostly blehhhh, and I’m disappointed Gina Rodriguez didn’t manage to get into Leading Actress in a Comedy,
As far as nominations for shows I’m super invested in, I find Alan Cumming’s nomination for The Good Wife baffling, because if anyone should have been nominated from the show this year, it should have been Matt Czuchry. Eli…didn’t even do anything? Like, not that Alan Cumming wasn’t delightful as usual, but I don’t think he was Emmy nomination worthy, if only because he wasn’t really given Emmy worthy material. I realize it’s probably the known name thing, what with his role in Cabaret and his hosting of the Tonys last month, but that doesn’t stop me from being annoyed on Czuchry’s behalf.
What are everybody else’s thoughts on the nominations?
(ALSO, WHO KEEPS NOMINATING DOWNTON ABBEY? WHO IS IT??? WHY?? Like, I don’t begrudge anyone still watching/liking it, but do the Emmy voters really still think it’s Best Drama material or do they not watch it and just assume PBS + period piece = great? I would honestly love for the Hollywood Reporter to do some interviews with Emmy voters like they did for the Oscars just so I can see what the thought process is here. On the plus side, I guess, The Big Bang Theory wasn’t nominated this year, so maybe I should just count my blessings.)
Having been acquainted with a voting member for the SAG awards, I’m pretty well convinced half the nominations come from ‘well, I’ve heard of it, so it must be pretty good’. And then it’s just self-perpetuating after that. I mean, I certainly wouldn’t say all the Emmy voters are as…lax as that one guy, but it wouldn’t surprise me too much either if most of them were.
i’m sad justified didn’t get anything in its last season.
i’m excited andre braugher got a nomination for brooklyn 99, though!
Mainly I cannot belieeeeeeve that Downton Abbey is still getting nominations (Best Drama?? seriously?). Also I really want Jon Hamm to finally win – I think he has a good chance!
OKAY BUT WHERE THE FUCK IS GINA RODRIGUEZ’S NOMINATION??? AND HOW DID OUTLANDER NOT GET NOMINATED FOR COSTUMES?????
TATIANA MASLANY YES FINALLY
It mainly just amounts to ZOMG TATIANA MASLANY FINALLY GOT NOMINATED!
They could have nominated bowls of oatmeal and Jim Parsons for every single other category and I’d still be happy because TATIANA MASLANY
TATIANA MASLANY
TATIANA
MASLANY
(tatiana maslany)
I had the exact same response re: the women’s nominations vs the leading actor one. Could not have been more bored by the latter list. But Tatiana! Taraji! Robin Wright!
I admit when I saw Cummings name I was happy, because I have such a fondness for the actor, but now that I’ve heard your case I completely agree. Czuchry was the standout this year.
Not really an awards-watcher, but I will confess to being a little bummed that my current one true love, Penny Dreadful didn’t get more attention. Their costume designer is killin’ it IMO.
BUT THE AMERICANS.
I don’t think I will ever get over how ignored this show has been. Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys are incredible. The directing is so good. It did get a writing nom but ugh for an episode in which Keri Russell ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped all over it and then WEPT on it (Do Mail Robots Dream of Electric Sheep?) and I can’t even be happy about the writing getting recognized because I’m so mad she didn’t get a nomination AGAIN. Also, let’s talk about the tooth extraction scene. There is more amazing acting from Keri Russell’s eyes in that scene than from many of the other nominees over the course of the whole season.
That said: TATIANA MASLANY. So happy for that. And Jon Hamm better freaking win this year.
No Nick Offerman or Ellie Kemper or Kaitlin Olson and someone keeps nominating people from Big Bang & Modern family. No nomination for It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. That’s bad.
Jon Hamm, Ms. Moss & Tatiana and a few Better Call Saul. Just noticed that Pamela Aldon from Louie also get a nod. They finally realized that Orange Is The New Black is not a comedy. A fuckload of Olive Kitteridge nominations. That’s good.
Hawkeye 22 thread
I promised we’d have one this week and HERE IT IS LET US DISCUSS OUR BABIES
omg i was so relieved 1) that it’s OVER and 2) EVERYONE CAME BACK (sort of) especially ALL OF CLINT’S WIVES
OMG CLINT’S RIDE-OR-DIE TENANTS- THAT ONE GUY HAD AN AXE?????? OK!!!!!!
holy shit did kate’s dad vote to put a hit out on her?????
PIZZA DOG!!!!!!!!!!!
AUUGGHGHHH BARNEY
clint, captain america will never call you
I AM SAD BECAUSE I’M LIKE 90% SURE THEY’RE NEVER GOING TO FOLLOW UP ON HER DAD AGREEING TO HAVE HER KILLED AND HOW AMAZING OF A STORYLINE WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN????? GDI, SECRET WARS.
Also, I spent half the comic yelling “NO NO NO YOU CAN’T KILL THE DOG NO” and I was SO RELIVED that he was just hurt. AND BARNEY AND SIMONE AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA clint
YEAH WHAT A NOTE TO END ON??? i guess like a ‘btw yes things are still hilariously Real here in the-one-where-clint-owns-an-apartment-building’. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT STORYLINE, preferable to kate in LA, NGL. i liked that she was floundernig and finding her way but it was such a weird going-nowhere arc?
omg i was ready to RIOT when i thought they would kill lucky in the last issue BUT NO, THE DOG LIVES!!! THE DOG LIVES!!!!
All I have to say right now is <3 <3 <3, 🙁 🙁 :(, and which Kate panel are you considering getting tattooed on your body, right now I’m feeling third panel from the top here (kinda-spoilers if you haven’t read it yet) http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/0/60…
If I were to get a tattoo, I would probably get Kate’s Hawkeye mug because Kate + coffee = YAS.
A, thanks to ppyajunebug for tabling this until today, and B, now I see why there was the urgency to discuss it. Oh my heart.
I laughed and winced and gasped, none of which I usually do when reading comics, so kudos upon kudos to Fraction and Aja and their team. Actions felt like they had weight and consequence–“nooo, don’t kill the dog YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T KILL THE DOG”–and I appreciated the way the characters’ lives continued even as the story wrapped. (Is it too much to hope that Penny will make Granpa Dracula and his matushka miserable in some creative way?)
In related news, someone please find Kate’s phenomenal Laika shirt and get it to me pronto, for I desire it with a fierce desiring. We wantssss it, precious.
FRIDAY KITTIES
My tiny fuzzy minicats are the prettiest and they know it
Bonny accepts worship as her due
Anne knows this is her best side
99% of my pictures are of my cat looking like a doof, but sometimes MT can be very handsome:
Asa looks majestic, but she’s really just intent on a bird in the yard.
Atticus has learned that there are Things outside the kitchen door.
He is the epitome of grace and beauty.
Is there perhaps a little gecko in his family tree?
This picture was taken approximately one second before he tumbled into the pile of (ahem, artfully cropped) recycling waiting to be taken out. Guys he’s so clumsy.
Your Anne looks so much like my Ella that it’s freaking me out slightly!
They do look pretty similar!
But Anne is a chubby little wonky-tail, and it looks as if Ella’s body works properly.
It was especially that profile shot that made me think of my Ella. However yes, Ella’s body does work relatively properly, although she is a bit of a chubby thing! Either way, both your cats are gorgeous.
Very like my cats’ mum as well!
Bug & Haley
Orange kitty looks like she’s trying very hard to put a hex on me! (I accept it graciously.)
Someone appears to have left two grumpy seals beached on my bed.
faaaaat caaaaat bellies <3 <3
The face Saffron is giving the camera is my favorite.
Amka has too many legs:
Tia has a belly:
Such flirts!
Moa is having a hard time lately. He’s getting worse and worse about using the litter box, to the point where we can’t have anything soft (rugs, cushions, dirty laundry) on the floor. We have to close the bedroom doors lest he climb on the low bed and pee, or use MrChouffe’s pajamas as a latrine. His box is always squeaky clean. I don’t actually know what to do about it.
He’s still a handsome beast though:
Is it maybe the type of litter he objects to? Or maybe stress over something unrelated? It is a sucky situation to be in and you have my sympathies. Also, it delights me that your cat’s name means chicken.
It might be stress. He hasn’t seemed to object to the litter before. He is REALLY REALLY NOT GOOD about routine changes though, and MrChouffe has had a different schedule lately that may have something to do with it.
Stress (or a urinary infection) is normally the first thing vets think of with weeing issues. If you can get a sample they can see if it’s cystits, or you could try feliway?
Sadly, it’s both pee and poo, so probably not cystitis. Feliway’s a good idea, though, I’ll have to try that. Right now it seems like our entire house is coated in a thin layer of Nature’s Miracle.
Have you heard of Cat Attract litter? You said he doesn’t like changes, so maybe a new litter would stress him out, but maybe it is worth trying? It is supposed to be, I don’t know, really appealing and great for cats to pee on, to the extent that they recommend storing it in a location cats can’t get to, because they’ll pee on the box.
I started using it when I first got these cats and Gertie was peeing and shitting everywhere. I made a number of changes at once and I can’t be positive that this is what changed things, but she goes in the litter box now and I still use the litter.
PCOS Thread?
I have a whole host of health issues, reproductive organs have been wonkier than acceptable recently. My brand new gyno (she has good credentials, and the first meeting was a good experience) thinks it may be PCOS (high T, ultrasound consistent with pcos), but if it is, it’s nonstandard presentation (I’m not overweight, I’ve never missed a period in my life). As a result, I’ll probably be spending a whole bunch of time excluding other diagnoses (ie, an androgen producing tumor). None of it is especially likely, but it will take time/energy/etc to rule all of it out. Between my health stuff and my partner’s health stuff, I’m emotionally exhausted, and I really just want to take a day off work to do nothing, but I need all those days off for our upcoming appointments/tests/procedures/surgeries.
And a lot of the info on PCOS is either really basic, hasn’t been active for the past several years, or full of stuff that isn’t especially science-based. I’m tired, and grumpy, and frustrated. I know PCOS is fairly common and not especially talked about, so…. Thoughts? Experiences?
I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago, which the doctor then backed off of a year later when I lost a bunch of weight. That diagnosis hadn’t really ever sat right, because I was also not a standard presentation (regular periods, not a lot of body hair). It turns out I just get ovarian cysts for, like, no reason. People often point to the list of PCOS symptoms and say “It’s so obvious!” in retrospect, but it’s often NOT THAT OBVIOUS, and some diagnosticians will try to get you into that box when you have one or two of the symptoms. That’s not to you don’t have PCOS, but I wish you the utmost in self-care and self-love as you guys figure this out. xoxoxo
I got an ultrasound at 16 to screen for PCOS, and was told I didn’t have it despite a whole host of symptoms. About 6 months ago (at twenty-four), I finally found a doctor willing to do blood work, and now I’m on metformin despite not being diabetic. Thing is, I present pretty typically for PCOS, and the doctors I’ve been to were pretty dismissive of it.
If your gyno is taking it seriously, that likely gives you an advantage. The MDs I saw back in Dallas all but rolled their eyes at me and were like, “oh, it’s mostly a benign condition, you’ll be fine”, like I was concerned for my appearance instead of the insulin resistance I’ve had since I was nine that has gone entirely untreated until now.
Best wishes, and I hope you find answers sooner rather than later. Sometimes ruling out diagnoses can feel like hitting your head against a wall.
Yeah, the good news is my gyno is taking it seriously, and there are enough other options around that if she WASN’T taking it seriously, I’d find someone else. So I’m really grateful that I’m in a place with lots of resources and people taking me seriously, and I’m glad that there are problems I haven’t had (ie, weight). So much of this could be SO MUCH WORSE, or just bad in different ways.
I’m glad you’re getting appropriate treatment now!!
Make sure they rule out congenital adrenal hyperplasia…due to the diffuseness of the PCOS diagnosis, the two can get confounded.
It’s one of the things on the “doesn’t seem likely for several reasons but needs to be ruled out officially” list.
I am here for this. My doctor thinks I might have PCOS–the some of the bloodtest measures came back borderline, but my doctor hasn’t been good at answering my questions and I feel really powerless and uninformed.
I’m also afraid of getting the transvaginal ultrasound because I’m worried it will be uncomfortable (I find insering tampons super uncomfortable) so I haven’t gotten it done yet…
of course YMMV but I was pleasantly surprised at how not uncomfortable my transvaginal ultrasounds were. I was picturing a giant scary dildo and it was more like a small, not intimidating at all dildo. Plus they really dollop on the lube. One time the tech had me put it in myself, and then she just wiggled it a bit to see what she needed to see. If your tech will let you do that it might help.
I’m also seconding the TVUS experience as not at all uncomfortable. The probe has a little bulb at one end, but most of it wasn’t much bigger than my index finger, and they do use tons of lubricant. And yeah, my tech had me insert it myself and then manipulated it from the handle a good ways off. I barely felt it.
Don’t forget that you’re allowed to call it off and say you can’t do it if it’s too uncomfortable, though.
Delurking to say: I was diagnosed with severe PCOS about 3 years ago, in my late 20s. I am a larger lady with basically every possible PCOS indicator. (That said, quite a few of my thin friends also have PCOS – everybody presents differently.) The diagnosis came about because I was having infertility problems; it turns out I’ve most likely had PCOS, totally uncontrolled, since my early teens.
My diagnosis has been really helpful, especially learning more about insulin resistance. With the help of a good dietician, I made some small changes to what/how I eat and to my overall activity levels. That’s made a big difference to both my symptoms and my overall quality of life. In my experience, doctors will want you to at least try lifestyle changes before exploring other treatment options.
I was also on metformin for a couple of months, which I stopped recently when I found out I was pregnant.
It IS really hard to find reliable PCOS information. (A good gynaecologist is worth their weight in gold in this respect.) I find a lot of the stuff online to be unhelpful, poorly sourced and/or phrased in ways that put my hackles up. So once I had a basic understanding, I started reading research papers about specific aspects of PCOS that I was interested in – time-consuming, but useful. About insulin resistance in particular, I modified resources for people with diabetes. The principles are similar – trying to avoid spikes and troughs in blood glucose – and there’s a heck of a lot more sensible, fact-based information (and recipes!) for diabetes than PCOS.
PCOS wasn’t initially affecting me all that obviously – hence 15 years to diagnose it – but addressing it has (eventually) improved both my short- and longer-term quality of life. It can be a confusing and occasionally frustrating journey to get there, though…
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!
As I prepare to start watching Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, I’m thinking back on the book, which I’ve read twice and now realize I barely remember at all – I know the names of most of the major players, and have a very basic understanding of parts of the plot, but that’s it. This is weird, because I usually remember books I’ve read well enough that I don’t really have many surprises on rereading. Does anybody else have exactly one book that they can read again and have it feel new every time?
Actually, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell is one of mine.
Same. I never finished it, but I’ve read the first couple hundred pages several times and it will just not stick in my memory. And I usually have a great memory!
Actually re-reading Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell for the second – maybe third – time, with my husband, so that he can fully appreciate the show, and I am pretty pleasantly surprised at being able to pick up on new stuff yet again.
By reading with — are you reading it out loud? How do you handle all the footnoting??
We are taking turns reading it aloud! When we get to a footnote, I’ll say “footnote”, read it, and then at the end of the footnote I’ll say, “Back to the story!” Sometimes if the footnote is in the middle of a sentence or an interesting paragraph, I’ll wait to the end of said sentence or paragraph and then read the footnote. Cumbersome but effective! I know lots of folks have problems with the footnotes but I genuinely really love them.
Wow this is such a beautiful marriage thing. When I find somebody with whom I can do this with Infinite Jest, I will know who I am to marry.
I just finished reading Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, too (inspired to read it by the series), and several people have told me that they forgot it almost immediately after reading it, so it seems to just be that kind of book. Magic, perhaps?
MAGIC.
Let’s go with magic.
In a similar vein, about 15 years ago I started reading John Crowley’s Little, Big, and got about a third of the way into it and didn’t really like it. Then about 10 years ago I was inspired to pick it up again and it read like a totally different book! I didn’t recognize anything at all, even though I know I’d read a large swathe of it (and I too am generally quite good at remembering books). The second time, I totally loved it — it’s one of my favorite books.
The only explanation I can come up with is “magic”, and given the topic of the book (and a lot of Crowley’s other writings, particularly the Aegypt books), this would both be thematically on-point and plausible.
Yes! I have this problem with Good Omens
Ok wow. I just remembered that I do too! I thought Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell was my only book in this category, but Good Omens totally is too. This is weird. I hope it’s a…
good omen.
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I had exactly the same experience with Strange and Norell. I read it when it came out and…I remembered some basic stuff, but I’d forgotten most of the details. Many things were a surprise in the show.
I have just started rereading it – I didn’t want to before the TV show in case it ruined it – and I am finding I remember nearly nothing. Definitely magic!
Swordspoint, for some reason. Even though it’s short and I’m always convinced that i remember the story, it always manages to surprise me.
Thank you to everyone who gave women power/dealing with patriarchal bullshit song suggestions in last week’s open thread! IntenseDebate wasn’t letting me log in from my home computer, so I couldn’t thank you all. I am listening to my great new playlist right now, and you all turned me onto a bunch of artists I’d never heard of. More suggestions are welcome, obvs, and I’d be happy to share the final playlist once I perfect it!
“I was Jesus” by Hello Saferide!
Favorite verse:
And I was Ghandi
And I went back to earth, in the shape of a woman this time
The river Ganges, it cleared my vision and I,
Well, I guess I was a woman again
I started my quiet friendly revolution
And they said: oh, a quiet friendly woman
Super rare
And I tried to convince them it’s not a personality
It’s choice and a belief
And would you give me credit for it and please follow me?
And they said: Speak louder, we can’t hear you when we’re screaming
You look nice now that you don’t eat
I missed last week’s thread, but can I still recommend “Your Revolution” by Sarah Jones, if no one else did? It is just a perfect women power/dealing with patriarchal bullshit song.
Oh man, I was meaning to start a thread like that but I must have missed the one last week! I will go back and look for it. In the meantime, someone may have posted it, but the song that originally sparked my desire to start such a thread was Emmylou Harris’s “Born to Run!”
“Well, I never did crawl and I never did toe the line
No man is master to me, I ain’t that kind
I just put on my traveling shoes,
If you want to win, you just can’t lose the time
Or stay behind
Well, I was born to run – to get ahead of the rest,
And all that I wanted was to be the best, just to feel free
And be someone – I was born to be fast, I was born to run.”
And it just gets better from there!
I actually straight-up cried a bit the first time I heard that song – how often do you hear a woman just singing (or even admitting out loud) that she just wants to BE THE BEST? Just plain old beat everyone else? Especially a country singer singing in the 1980s. So awesome!
Le Tigre?
(Also, thank you, I’m adding these to my angry weightlifting playlist).
Yes, please share!!
yes, please share your final list! i would love this — and we all will surely enjoy a good reminder!
Toasties
Fallout 4 comes out 10th november, just before my birthday
my tumblr has become a fallout blog and i’m not even sorry
how can I hold on 4 months, toastrons, how? I just *really want to play this game*.
Can we talk about it here, a little? Theories? Fanart? Some guy did this amazing fansong and I wrote fanfic and do you know how hard it is to create fanworks of a game that’s not even out yet when we know only the tiniest details?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7Y6Z618g3o
I AM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT FALLOUT 4
FO4 and Dishonored 2 are the two games announced at E3 I am really pumped for, but FO4 has an immortal dog that can go into a doghouse which I’m pretty sure is the bump it needed for GOTY for me, calling it now
I’m so, so excited for dishonoured 2. I bought the first one a few months ago and it’s the best. They should give emily a dog, then I’d never play anything else.
my brain is just all fallout all the time right now
i DREAM of it
I started playing New Vegas again
The last time I played, I played for so many hours straight that all my dreams had the HUD overlaid on them, which is the most embarrassing thing related to gaming that’s ever happened to me.
It’s happened to me before now.
It’s alright.
As someone who works in Boston, I cannot wait! I hope this stupid building is a crumbling mess, which is more due to its hideous architecture than any feelings about the job itself.
*Walks out the detritus-strewn mouth of her T Station, surrounded by shambling ghouls, and enters her poorly-lit, falling apart laboratory.*
Yeah, this looks pretty true to life. *Aims Euclid’s C-Finder………*
I’m 100% sure your character’s partner/baby from the trailer are going to come back in some horrifying way. :S :S :S
So, I moved in to the new place here in Portland last Saturday, and so far it’s been great! The people at my new job are cooperative and easy to talk to and ORGANIZED, SO ORGANIZED. I have so much more independence here, so I don’t feel as much like everyone’s watching over my shoulder. This is a good thing and also a challenge, but they’re training me very well so far.
One of the downsides (as you’ll see) is my work computer blocks cookies, so I can’t sign in. Ah, well.
But I love Portland so far! The weather has been AMAZING. For all that I’ve only had a few days to see it, it’s been fascinating to get a feel for the city. I’m going to a farmer’s market tomorrow, something I haven’t done since I was in grade school, and I’m super pumped. Basically, IT’S AWESOME.
yay yay yay!!! I am so happy for you!
We are moving in two weeks and this is such great news.
TOASTS, can we talk about Youtube? I am a little sad that Good Mythical Morning is on hiatus as of tomorrow, but today’s season finale was AWESOME. I am going to our local Mythicon tomorrow since my sister is arranging it, and that should be pretty fun.
Who do you watch on YT? I mostly watch GMM and a few random assorted gaming channels, but then there’s things/people like Glove and Boots, Flula, the Holy Trinity, grav3yardgirl, and one time I found this awesome dude that made balloon animals on a challenge.
The entire Carmilla webseries in one go. Just last night. I have so many feelings.
WELCOME TO THE CREAMPUFF CREW! 😀
I was for a while watching some gaming things on youtube. Lately, I’ve mostly been using it for digital drawing / painting tutorials.
GMM is the best! I haven’t watched in a bit, but I’ll go check out the season finale on your recommendation. Do you listen to their podcast as well?
I love the Holy Trinity, the vlogbrothers, and a few others who I’ve been watching since high school. As far as smaller/recently discovered Youtubers, I’ve been enjoying TheRealAlexBertie – he’s an 18-year-old trans guy who does a great job of sharing his experience with transition as well as just making silly videos on other topics.
I have listened to a few Ear Biscuits, I really like the ones where it’s just them talking to each other about stuff they’ve lived through, and the newer ones where they go into depth about different interesting subjects. There were some great episodes this season, definitely skim through to see if any catch your interest!
Yeah, those are definitely my favorites as well! I like the super in-depth interviews with youtubers when they’re people I’m already familiar with, but if I don’t know the youtuber and their work already they just don’t hold my interest as much.
I tend to watch BBC shows like Gadget Man and any history show that Lucy Worsley hosts.
I also watch Glove and Boots, Idea Channel, ASAP Science, and Thug Notes.
I don’t watch GMM as often as I should, but I listen to Ear Biscuits all the time. My regularly watched subscriptions are the Holy Trinity, vlogbrothers, and Ashley Mardell (though she’s been inactive lately bc she’s busy with her documentary). Oh, and Jenna Marbles, especially when I need a good laugh. When I’m having an off day, I rewatch her video where she gave her dogs an intelligence test.
I don’t paint, but I love to watch watercolor painters, especially Kelly Eddington of ArtFoodKitty. I also watch makeup videos, but always while I’m doing something else, like dishes or laundry or work. I live alone and like to have another voice in the apartment sometimes, without having to pay attention to a story or watch closely. I don’t have a TV, so youtube or TuneIn radio is my extra voice
oh hi I do that all the time (I too live alone, and while I have a TV, I don’t watch it a whole lot)!
The Brain Scoop is the main thing I subscribe to and watch obsessively. Emily Graslie is so interesting and I envy her museum job.
For movies I love watching the series Every Frame A Painting. It’s all about various movie directors’ use of framing and shot composition that is fascinating. The Edgar Wright one is just the best: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FOzD4Sfgag
Hey guys!
I haven’t been here in a very long time! For many reasons, but the main one being I was in the Grand Canyon for a few weeks, camping and rafting the Colorado which…oh my god, there are no words. If anyone else has done that and wants to talk about it, I can talk forever, all the time, without stopping, anytime you want. Anyway, guys! Hi! I miss this place! How are you?! Can you guys let me know what I’ve missed here the past 6 or so weeks?? Posts in particular?
Love you Toast 🙂 🙂
My wife and I are planning a whole Southwest road trip this fall, so I will see some of those things soon!
If you have any interest on a quickish into-the-canyon-trip, look into hiking the Havasupai trail. It is 8 miles down and 8 back, which is rough, but ooohhh the reward at the end is stunning blue-green waterfalls to play in. There is camping and a small lodge to stay in. Check it:
http://www.nps.gov/grca/planyourvisit/havasupai.h…
Thanks, I’ll add it to the list!
Ooooh, I love the Southwest so much. One of the main things I miss having moved from Colorado to Seattle is that I’m not within driving distance of all the gorgeous desert down there.
I love desert scenery but haven’t seen too much in person! Very excited to go take some pictures and do some hikes.
I missed you. And I’m so happy to hear about your rafting trip. I would love that. I will be visiting the Canyon in a few weeks. Mr. Rose and I are too fat for riding mules and too sedentary for hiking. And too last-minute for much of anything requiring more than two weeks of planning. Any tips?
I missed you! Well, you can do the rafting trip for 6 days instead of 2 weeks! Which, seriously, the hikes we went on you could opt out of, but oh my god like I said above, the rewards for working your way through the canyon are amazing. It’s the most beautiful place on the fucking planet and I cannot wait to go back. I’m even toying with how to become a river guide myself. I was beat up, burned, tired, has skin like sand, and yet I was heartbroken to leave.
This is what I did and the people who ran our trip were fucking amazing and I miss them
http://www.riveradventures.com/
I wish I could give you tips on things that didn’t involve hiking or planning this trip in advance, but I don’t really have any. However! There are a couple canyons near Lake Powell, one called Antelope Canyon, and another that I am blanking on. Antelope canyon is gorgeous, but is not physically taxing to walk through. Lake Powell itself is beautiful and a great option for those who want to enjoy that scene but don’t want to kill themselves doing it. You can take guided tours of it, or rent your own houseboat and chill for a while, which my parents and extended fam did a few years ago (including my mom who has MS) and they loved it. Has a great resort to stay at as well. Excellent option if hiking and mules aren’t your thing, but beautiful scenes are! Have fun out there!
Lake Powell: http://www.lakepowell.com/
Thanks very much!
I have tips! It’s one of my very favorite places. I went after high school graduation and then again just a few years ago. I’d go back yearly if I could.
There are smooth water rafting trips down Glen Canyon. They’re day trips and they end where the Grand Canyon rafting trips begin. It’s an absolutely gorgeous ride. It’s very non-demanding, physically — you sit in a raft and watch the amazing canyon walls go by. I went to the Grand Canyon with family after graduating high school and that was one of the highlights we all still talk about. I don’t know how early they book, but it might be worth checking in case there are cancellations.
I do highly recommend going down into the Canyon for at least a short walk. There’s a rest area at the 1.5 mile mark on the Bright Angel Trail and walking there and back is very doable if you take your time. But even just walking in for 10-15 minutes is worth it. Seeing it from the rim is amazing, but walking into it, even for a short distance, gives you a different appreciation for how awesome (in the old-school, almost religious sense) the Grand Canyon truly is.
Also, go to as many Ranger-led talks and tours as you can. They’re all extremely knowledgable about the canyon and they often also have an area they specialize in. We went to talks about Canyon geology, wildlife in the area (including condors and mountain lions), and about prehistoric rock art — among others. The talks really enhanced our experience and gave us additional appreciation for the history and ecosystem.
I’m not an expert, but I love it and would be happy to try to answer any questions. It’s one of my favorite places in the world and I’m so excited for you to experience it!
How I wish we could take a mule ride into the Canyon. I recently looked up the requirements. I could lose a little weight to qualify, but Mr. Rose is forever forbidden. Even at his slimmest, he would exceed the weight limit for the mules, being a tall, bulky person. John Wayne body types are too much for Canyon mules.
But a Glen Canyon day trip sounds right up my alley. Thanks so much. I grew up in Phoenix, so I made a dozen day trips to the Grand Canyon, with just a few hours at the South Rim before heading home. I never could afford to stay the night, so I never investigated any activities or tours. Now, 30 years since I last say the Canyon, I can afford to stay a few days and I suddenly realize my ignorance. I knew so little back then and that info is likely outdated now. So your advice is exactly what I needed. Thank you so very, very much, annacardea.
I haven’t ever actually commented on The Toast before, but I read everything on here religiously. However, I made an account specifically to say that I spent a week hiking in the Grand Canyon last year and I’m happy to talk about it! How many miles did you cover while rafting for so long? I’ve never rafted but it sounds super cool and everyone I saw doing it on the Colorado looked like they were having a blast!
Oh god, if you can do it (and it isn’t cheap, this was my dad’s thing that he’s been planning for us forever, so I am very, very lucky in that regard) but if you can raft the river, do it do it do it. We started at Lee’s Ferry and flew out at the Bar 10 ranch, which means we rafted about 188 miles (Lee’s Ferry to Whitmore Wash). And yes, they were having a blast 🙂
http://www.riveradventures.com/
Also, I literally took my shirt off to give you that information, because I’m wearing my river rat shirt that has the map of our trip on the back. I couldn’t remember where we ended the trip before hitting the ranch (Whitmore) So there you go.
Well, if anyone ever doubts that you’ll give someone else in need the shirt off your back, you can just point them to this post!
Wow, so you got to see the whole canyon! I was just hiking by Grand Canyon Village / North Rim (we did south rim to north rim to south rim, 50-ish miles including side hike to Ribbon Falls which was SO COOL) so I only got to see that area. I did run into a bunch of rafters at Phantom Ranch and we had some beers and played frisbee! I forget the name of the tour company they were from though.
Was the summer temperature an issue? I went in November so the river level only got up to 80-ish degrees and I can’t even imagine how hot it would be in the middle of the summer! Although if you’re in a raft I guess you’re near the water all the time instead of hiking miles between limited water sources in the heat, but still…
River level was fairly high about halfway through cause we got some heavy rain, which made it all the more crazy. Ah Phantom Ranch with their 6 dollar cans of beer! I went the lemonade route. It was VERY HOT and VERY DRY which, wow, yeah, my skin is almost still recovering, but if you take care of yourself you’ll be okay. I burn very easily, so I was kinda screwed no matter how careful I was. Yeah, I mean, when it got really hot, you could jump in the water, and were constantly getting beat up by rapids, so you stayed cool (sometimes you even got cold! Colorado River is cold!) The craziest was when we would find like, a clear creek and waterfall that was 80 degrees. Clear and 80 degrees. The best though, was probably the Little Colorado. Caribbean blue water, with small waves that we rode down wearing our life jackets like diapers. Grand Canyon is magic.
Little Colorado: https://southwestdesertlover.files.wordpress.com/…
Ohhh, I’m going to the Grand Canyon in late September! Only a couple days there and then roadtripping to Santa Fe. Unfortunately I won’t be able to do a lot of hiking (going with my parents, and my dad has very bad knees), BUT if you have any recommendations of The Best Things To Do and See that would be awesome. 😀
Check what I said above about Lake Powell and Antelope Canyon!
Ha we might be on the road at the same time!
ha, maybe! where else are you going? (we’re doing Sedona, GC, Monument Valley, Taos, Santa Fe)
We are actually doing a pretty long trip (two weeks): Seattle to Yosemite, then through the Mojave to AZ, over to Albuquerque and Santa Fe, up to Colorado, over to Utah, back through Vegas and Death Valley, then back north to home.
that sounds awesome – have fun! 😀
For the Santa Fe to Colorado leg, I would strongly recommend a stop at Great Sand Dunes National Park, my all-time favorite childhood vacation spot.
Thanks! I’ll check it out!
Hi! That trip sounds AMAZING and also the opposite of being high up anywhere so very good for Ethyls.
Hi! It was! Yes to not being up high! So then I will not tell you about the one hike that took us to basically an open air grotto in the Grand Canyon (still not convinced it was real) that required us to walk along a 6-inch-wide cliff upon which slipping was not an option BUT DON’T WORRY GUYS, IT’LL BE FINE, IF YOU FALL YOU DIE THO, BE CAREFUL AND SHIT. The risk reward on this trip is a-somethin’.
Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhnope
My husband has an interview with that investment firm in Montreal in two hours, somebody come hold my hands so I don’t spend the afternoon stress-biting my nails.
Positive thoughts: I have a gift card for The Bay I will be spending tonight, I am seeing the Tiny Nephew tomorrow (I bought him a copy of The Velveteen Rabbit but I probably won’t read it to him because of the embarrassingly high likelihood that it will make me cry) and going on vacation next Saturday! It’s hard to believe our departure date is so close because I’ve been counting down the days since February… We’ll be in Switzerland and the Czech Republic for 3 weeks. I will happily send postcards to any Toasts who want them, just email me your address at arbors.and.ardors at gmail. (If you sent me your address last December for Christmas cards you are already on the postcard list – so I guess let me know if you DON’T want a postcard?)
Sending good job interview thoughts your way!
Are you shopping for anything in particular with your gift card?
I’m thinking comfortable walking shoes – the insoles on my workhorse ballet flats have gotten pretty worn down and are shifting around when I walk. I’d like a pretty dress but it seems cruel to bring clothes in my life until I can guarantee they won’t be eaten by moths. 🙁
Comfy walking shoes sounds excellent!
I do love shoes.
So exciting!!! Am I on the postcard list (pretty please?)
You are one of my Toast Post pen pals, I am offended that you would doubt it even for a second!
But I am SHAMEFULLY BEHIND on our correspondence!
Me too! But I request forgiveness and another postcard.
I just pre-ordered the new King’s Quest game from The Odd Gentleman/Sierra, and I am so excited for it. It’s also the first video game I’ve bought in…probably 15 years? Was anyone else obsessed with the King’s Quest series?
I didn’t play it too much myself, though always watched my friend play. That and Space Quest which I remember being hilarious.
I was! Although I have very little recollection of it beyond sitting in front of a huge computer and drinking powdered ice tea made with too much powder so it’s all gritty.
A giant YES uttered with great fervency!! I loved them as a kid, even though they were at times impossibly hard and deeply unforgivable (that damn bridge!!!) Playing them recently as an adult, with all the benefits of Google and walkthroughs, and being able to finish them was a huge triumph.
My best King’s Quest story is this. When we were kids, my sisters and I were particularly into King’s Quest 3, though we could not get very far in the game, which meant we mostly wandered around, collected random stuff, and got continually harassed by the magician. Flash forward 15 years. My sister and I got together one weekend, ate a pile of sandwiches, and played the game start to finish. It was then that we discovered that the game had a spell book in the instruction manual that we were unaware of, which meant it was literally impossible for us to advance in the game. So finally, years later, we turned that damn magician into a cat and escaped, and it was one of our proudest moments. Did we take pictures and video of this fine moment? Yes, yes we did.
YES. KQ3 is one of my favorites. How amazingly frustrating to not have the spells, haha! I also remember there being a major bug in the original manual when it said “make the cookie” or something, but it was actually “pat the cookie.” The frustration of text-based video games!
And then you turn into a madman spamming your computer with things like “make cookie” “form cookie” “bake cookie” “rub cookie” “throw self off cliff in fit of incredible desperation”.
I was very obsessed! I didn’t know they were making a new one, either, so that’s fantastic news. As a young girl who was SUPER into computer games, I was pretty often told (by gaming magazines, employees in gaming stores, and pretty much everyone) that I wasn’t supposed to be there, so the fact that Roberta Williams existed – and made games that had women characters – was pretty amazing to me.
I had a collection with all of them, including the earlier ones, but if I remember correctly, 6 (Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow) was my favorite! Although 7 with it’s fancy fancy graphics and interface was also high on my list.
6 was great! I also always enjoyed the silliness of KQ5. 7 was my intro to the whole series – I remember it came free with whatever Windows-running computer we bought in 1994.
The new one is going to be a prequel to the whole series! You should check it out! http://www.sierra.com/kingsquest
OMG. I am now crossing my fingers and making little humming noises for a Laura Bow reboot. Hands down my favorite Sierra property.
Oh hell yes. It was the first videogame series I ever got completely and totally obsessed with, particularly 5/6/7. I remember lying awake at night when I was 10, wondering how I was ever going to get Prince Alexander out of that goddamn labyrinth. I also remember hanging out with a friend on the weekend, trying to finally finish King’s Quest V.
At some point I actually heard a very interesting talk by a researcher talking about the strong connection between women and the creation and fanbase of the series. The whole series was famously made by a women who was (at least initially) very much outside of the regular dude-based games industry. And the series itself had a very strong following of female fans getting together to play the game on their home computers – not stereotypical gamer dudes on massive gaming rigs. Buuuut then King’s Quest 8 happened, and Doom and other FPS’s became the face of PC Gaming rather than KQ or Myst or all that, and it took me almost ten years to get back to seriously playing games.
Ah yes. I saw a demo of KQ6 at a big box store and I was mesmerized, it was the most beautiful game I had ever seen. And then I was gifted a box set of KQ1-6. Loved 4-6, had a hard time going back to the earlier games. I remember reading the instruction manual to pieces and making pages of notes on the puzzle solving. It’s incredible to me now, since whenever I get to a frustrating place in a video game today I just go to the wiki so I can get on with my recreation.
I’m putting together an Imperator Furiosa cosplay for Gen Con, so this weekend I am going to be trying to use worbla (a thermoplastic) for the first time to create her prosthetic arm
Anyway if you read about some crafter accidentally burning down her apartment in Chicago this weekend, it meeeee.
(As a side note, is anyone else going to Gen Con?? What are you planning on doing! Are you going to investigate the puppetry stuff they apparently have?)
WORBLA! I use it all the time, the trick is to not keep the heat gun on it for too long. Also, when you’re done, paint it with gesso to smooth that bad boy out! Or, well, if you’re making Furiosa’s prosthetic, you may not need to even do that. It takes spraypaint beautifully.
Ah, fantastic, good to know!
This is… actually the first cosplay I’ve ever done, haha, and I was temporarily under the impression it would be relatively cheap (or at least, the expensive stuff I got — like boots — would be reusable). I was so wrong about everything? So the less stuff I have to buy, the better, thank goodness.
cheap? aaaaaawww *pats on head* they’re so cute when they do their first cosplay.
(the main reason i have renter’s insurance is that i live in fear of losing my coplay/costumes/accessory collection to some horrible flooding/fire incident.)
FURIOSA COSPLAY FISTBUMP
aaaa holy cats is that you, that looks FANTASTIC
(how did you do the arm? I am looking at tutorials, but I am easily overwhelmed, haha)
Yah that’s me! I put a cosplay together for CONvergence in MN at the beginning of the month.
The main part of the arm is actually a youth’s shin guard – the kind that are encased in fabric like a legwarmer. The “metal” elbow bit is a sour cream tub that I cut up and painted. I then used wood dowels and sculpie to create the metal bars and the rivets. The hand is an old lobster glove that I had from when I was on the cross-country ski team. I put some gray-painted tulle on the fingers to get that metal grille look, and used simple craft foam to make the claws and the metal plate on the back of the hand. (Plus more sculpie for more rivets.)
The pauldron is from a youth’s football player costume that I cannibalized, and I sewed padding to go underneath. The little thingie sticking up from the pauldron is just a plastic container that I painted. The leather straps are mostly just thrift store belts that I cut up in various ways, except for the leather cuff around the bicep; that’s some raw leather that I had to cut and rivet myself. I also used rivets to attach the chest straps to the waist belts. Then I bought some PVC tubing off eBay for the final touch.
It actually didn’t take as long to make as I expected! 90% of it was just gathering the necessary supplies.
I need to make some improvements to it because it’s mostly held together with hot glue and fervent prayer. (I had about a month to pull the whole thing together.) I’m going to knit a silver cuff to bridge the gap between the arm and the glove, and I want to replace some of the leather straps so I can properly rivet everything together.
Thanks for writing this all up! It looks absolutely terrific, and I might jack that idea about the shin guard — like, ultimately whatever I do is not going to look perfect, not least of all because I don’t actually need a prosthetic arm; close enough is good enough. I was trying to do something super complicated with PVC pipes and stuff, which is… just not going to work out, I think.
I’m planning to use a black glove as a base, then use wire mesh to do the “fingers”; the hand itself will be covered in worbla spray-painted to look metal. I’m going to raid the local thrift store for old belts for the strap around the arm, and hypothetically I am going to be getting a pauldron from Etsy in time for Gen Con, so that will be taken care off. I guess I could just attach everything directly to the glove, actually; that might solve some of the potential problems of keeping everything on.
I dig it! I have not attempted to use worbla for any of my cosplays yet, so I’ll be curious to hear what your experiences as a first-timer are. And I totally understand what you mean about “close enough is good enough.” I was kind of going more for, like, a symbolic representation of Furiosa’s arm, haha. Because, as you said, it’s pretty much impossible to replicate exactly unless you’re missing your arm in the same way she is.
One note – I made it so that the glove can be taken off without needing to take off the whole arm. That made things SO MUCH EASIER for, e.g., eating food, or getting my room key or ID out of my belt pouch, or making adjustments to my costume, or anything else requiring fine motor skills. On the other hand (HA HA), I’m left-handed, so I really did need to be able to use that hand. If you’re right-handed maybe that won’t be as big of a deal.
GENCON FRIEND! Hello!
I am going with several friends, and I have not gotten very far in planning because I have a two-week business trip before that which is taking all my brainspace. I think I’m going to fail at cosplay this year because of aforementioned business trip, but if I have time I want to pull together a Cassandra (Dragon Age) costume. Two friends are also going as Dragon Age characters.
BUT, I am an Indy expat, and many of my friends are locals, and we have all been going to the con for a long time, so if you have any questions, ask away! (I realize you didn’t say whether this is your first time going, but just in case.)
One of my friends is super into puppetry and will definitely be checking out as much of that stuff as possible. He went to one puppetry thing last year and loved it (I didn’t go, so I don’t remember the details, but he gushed about it for quite some time).
aaaa, Cassandra <3 I love DA and Mass Effect; I saw a really great Liara cosplayer last year, complete with head tentacles and future gun.
I was so surprised that there’s puppetry! I am a gamer and my friends are all gamers, so we’re there to do zombie larp and storygames mostly (I also know some internationally-ranked MtG players, haha, so that happens too) — I was really surprised that there’s all this other general nerd stuff there!
This will be my second year so I… don’t know the ropes BUT I have a way better idea of how much I am actually willing to schedule myself.
I really want to put something together for Cassandra but I’ve never done armor before and my mom’s a costume designer so I hate half-assing my cosplays… My friends are going as Isabela and Morrigan, though, so I feel I need to make an effort.
My actual favorite thing to do is just explore the edges of the main hall, where all the newbie game designers set up and want people to play their games. And the play-testing room is also amazing! You get to try new games and then talk with the actual designers about what works and what doesn’t. Someday I will be quick enough to get a True Dungeon ticket, but it hasn’t happened yet. I also feel obligated to recommend the D20 burlesque show, because my friend works for it. (And also they’re a cool company and they put on good shows.)
Would you like any Indy recommendations or will you be in the convention center 24/7? (Nothing wrong with that!)
Toast friends! Last weekend I went to my first Geek Girl Brunch. My city’s chapter just got off the ground last month and I signed up as soon as I heard about it. This month was Captain America themed. My sister was supposed to come with me but canceled, and I was really nervous about going alone, but it was SO FUN and everyone was lovely. Being in a man-free space, even just for a few hours, is so refreshing. I wish it could be that way always. I was surprised by how many people had boyfriends or husbands, though! I barely know any heterosexuals (though obviously one can be in a relationship with a dude and not be straight) and have basically endeavored to surround myself with queers, so the real world is a little weird for me.
Anyone else been to a GGB in their city?
i’m in philly too and JUST signed up for geek girl brunches bc omg cap themed <3 <3 <3
I started a chapter of Girl Geeks in Orlando, but haven’t been very active in a while. It’s a lot of work, and I have a ton of work-work and personal-work and career shifting and stuff.
I had never heard of this, but they’re launching one in my area–so I am definitely going to be checking it out!
Oh man, I want to start one in my city so bad…
I might have to do this now that I see there is an active one in my city!
Toasts! I am stuck working late tonight but then my sister is flying into town and treating me to a nice dinner, and tomorrow we leave to join the rest of our family for a week at the beach, and I am just SO SO excited for this vacation! Now that I am adulting away and living far from my family all the time, the chance to spend a week being lazy and hanging out with them is so much more thrilling than it used to be.
Tell me about your exciting vacations – past, present, planned, etc. What fun things are Toasts doing with their summers?
This is fun! I’m not doing anything special this summer: a few weeks ago I flew home for a long weekend and it was more INTENSE than relaxing (seeing family is always equally delightful and stressful for me). But in May I went to Oaxaca for 5 days and it was a magical, perfect trip, I ate ALL THE THINGS and also got to visit Hierve el Agua which is one of the most awsome places I’ve ever seen.
And a week ago a friend posted about a crazy cheap flight to Santiago de Chile and so I’m going with my BF in November! Just 8 days, 2 of which we’ll be flying, but I’m super happy, I’ve never been out of the country and I can’t wait. If anyone has tips on how to survive a 17 hour trip with two layovers pleaaaase let me know.
In two weeks, I’m flying down to Orlando to join my mom, dad, and sisters at Disney World and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I’m super psyched, and they’re thrilled to see me again after three weeks of not living in Dallas. I’ve never been to either park, and in fact the only theme park I’ve spent any significant time at (besides Six Flags) was one day at Disneyland California. I’m sure it’ll be something else. 😀
Enjoy your lazy beach vacation! that sounds lovely.
My brother moved to Tokyo 3.5 years ago, and my parents and I have each gone to visit him twice, but never as a unit– either my parents went or I went, simply because I was in school and could only go during winter break. But now we’re planning a whole family trip to Tokyo– and I’m bringing my boyfriend of 3 years, who has never had a chance to meet my brother. It’s very exciting! I’m itching to go ahead and buy tickets, because air travel is the most expensive part of going to Tokyo by an order of magnitude, but we’re not going until April, so it’s a teeeensy bit early.
I’m looking for book suggestions! Your favorite nonfiction about the performing arts? Preferably theatre or dance related, but anything really. I’m working my way through a biography of Bob Fosse at the moment as well as some random books from the library interviewing people working on Broadway, but I think I’d like some more history books.
(I’m so glad to be back to the open thread. I was on vacation a couple of weeks ago and ended up in the hospital for emergency dental surgery – a wisdom tooth went rogue and abscessed, which I don’t recommend experiencing – and I’ve never been more grateful to read everyone’s comments on everything while laid up in the hospital bored out of my mind. Thanks so much for being so consistently entertaining, Toasties.)
Not history so much, but I really enjoyed this memoir about being the stand-by Elphaba in Wicked. It’s not the most amazingly written book in the world, but I was highly entertained and it was fascinating to read about what it’s like training for the role and what goes into playing it.
Oh, that does sound good. I have a soft spot for random memoirs, even related to stuff I have no interest in, but this sounds especially right up my alley.
Free for All: Joe Papp, the Public, and the Greatest Theater Story Ever Told. http://www.amazon.com/Free-All-Public-Greatest-Th…
It really is though.
Apollo’s Angels by Jennifer Homans is an amazing history of ballet. The author’s both a former professional dancer and a history PhD, so she’s able both to describe how different ballets feel on the body and how different schools of ballet are related to the politics of their time.
Oh, good to hear. I thought about picking that up at the library too, but I decided to hold off because my recent track record for finishing lots of long library books has been dismal lately. I’ll have to go back and get it when I can devote more attention.
Robert Gottlieb’s recent biography of the Sarah Bernhardt!
Furious Improvisation by Susan Quinn, about the Federal Theatre Project during the Depression, is quite good if you’re also interested in history.
On the Line: The Creation of A Chorus Line traces the development of A Chorus Line and includes interviews with all of the original cast members. It’s really fascinating both as a history of that specific show and as a window into what it was like to dance on Broadway at that time (and should be fun to read right after reading about Fosse).
Changed for Good: A Feminist History of the Broadway Musical is a bit less about the behind-the-scenes and more about the cultural reception of shows, with a very cool feminist perspective.
I haven’t read but I did buy Everything Was Possible which is about the advent of the Follies and supposed to be good!
Louise Brooks’ autobiography! It is wonderful.
I should read that- she lived in my hometown for several years, and is quite a Big Deal here.
My mom’s family lived across the street from her in the ’70s. (She used to yell at them to keep the noise down). I also know someone who worked for a liquor store and delivered her booze, which was considerable- her standing order was a quart of gin per day, or thereabouts.
I used to work at a film museum where she had some… intimate connections, and could tell you all kinds of gossip if you wanted. 🙂
Hallie Flannigan’s Arena, about the WPA theatre program, is great.
This is my last day at work! We are moving in two weeks! My sister’s wedding is in one week, and I don’t know her fiance very well. Please let me know if you have any tips for making a great wedding toast.
I remember reading advice about “if you don’t *like* your sister/friend/etc’s spouse”, and it was basically: Focus on your sister and how lucky/wonderful the spouse is for making your sister happy.
I love toasts that really illuminate a relationship, and it never ever matters to me it’s a relationship with just one half of the couple getting married. That’s why both families/set of friends get invited!
I am extremely late to this, but my advice for any wedding toast is to talk about the couple, not yourself! A lot of people fall into the trap of talking about their relationship with the bride/groom instead of the couple’s relationship. Good luck!
Online dating thread!
Last week’s date was a bust, but on the upside, I found a cool new bar — they had old church stained glass windows propped up behind the bar and a magnificant wood chandelier, a material I’m not sure I’ve seen before for chandeliers.
What I did learn from my date was the importance of smiling and being friendly, and definitely showing interest and enjoyment if you are interested/enjoying yourself! He was kind of blank, almost dour, and if I sensed he was just reserved, it would have been fine, but his dourness crossed over to a strong vibe of “I don’t want to be here.” I went ahead and smiled and laughed and asked questions and made jokes. So, I give myself a pat on the back for effort.
He gave me an awkward hug and said he’d be in touch with me, which I read as him going “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” Which I was okay with since I wasn’t into it.
Then he asked for a second date! WHAT
QUESTION: The guy I stopped talking to texted me, with a message that said “I know we’re not exactly friends anymore” but hey, check out Harper Lee’s new book! I’m confused. I feel like I should at least send a polite “thanks” but I don’t see the point of it? So … ignore? I’m pretty sure y’all will tell me it’s totally fine to ignore someone you already wished “good luck with your life.”
And share your stories, exploits, dreams, wishes, discoveries!
I went on 3 dates with an OKCupid guy about 2-3 weeks ago — the first was good, the second was alright, the third was bad and neither of us tried to make plans after the third one because I think we both realized it wasn’t working. And then the guy texted me out of the blue after 2 weeks of not talking to “break up” because “he wants to be single”??????????????? We weren’t together!! You were single!!
(And yes, totally ok to ignore Harper Lee guy!)
I had one of those dudes once! We went on one date that went pretty well, and made plans to see each other again. Day of Date 2 I text to confirm we’re still on and he calls(!) and leaves me a 75 second long voicemail (!) going on and on about how sorry he was and I seem really great and he’s so sorry but doesn’t think we should see each other ‘any more’ [we went on one date?!] because he met this other lady and really want to see how it goes with her and he hoped I would forgive him and no hard feelings but I was free to call him back if I wanted to talk things over more or had any questions!” Like, dude – we went on one date that ended with a chaste hug – there’s nothing to break up. There’s nothing to HAVE hard feelings over. How presumptuous!
Presumptuous is it exactly!!
I swear there are dudes out there who are utterly convinced that all it takes is a stiff breeze for a woman to fall irrevocably in love forever with whomever happens to be milling about at the time.
Ahahahhahahahahha. Some dudes.
So a guy I’ve been on three dates with has been…responsive to texts but totally unresponsive to planning anything further. Which is fine, really, because he’s based in Chicago (I’m in NYC – he travels for work) and I was relatively “meh” about the whole thing but…I just want him to say, “Hey, I don’t think I want to pursue this anymore” and then I can stop feeling ridiculous trying to plan things. The worst part was that I talked about how I prefer someone to just be honest when we went on our first date. Ugh, dating.
So generally I’ve gotten sad and been in that “I’m going to be alone forever” place in my head, which sucks.
I think if you’re meh about it, then let yourself drop it, perhaps! You can also stop pursuing if pursuit is not what you want.
Beyond that, if you try twice to plan something with someone and they don’t try back with alternate suggestions, you should give yourself permission to just not try. Up to them to reach out. Two to tango. Etc.
+1 to this
It sounds like something that you just wouldn’t have to try very hard to have peter out? I mean, you could always do the “I’m not feeling it” thing if you wanted closure or whatever. I have found that many of the dudes I’ve dated are pretty content to just let things laze out into nothingness.
I am giving you a sad wave over the “going to be alone forever” feels. Been having many of those myself lately.
Yeah, I’m pretty done with it. He gets one more text about a free show next Friday of a band with both like, then nothing.
I am…just sort of vain, I guess, and like being pursued sometimes even if I’m not 100% into it. Not my best quality, I know.
I was JUST complaining on twitter that dating is gross and that, I DON’T KNOW, I guess I basically want to date without having to date.
The OKC guy I’ve been seeing haven’t actually managed to get together for the past 2 weeks. I’m actually okay with that? We’re both super busy at the moment and aren’t prioritizing dating but we’re texting pretty regularly so I’m hopeful that if both of our lives quiet down at the same time we can pick it back up.
My online dating adventures have been a bit crazy where I was basically saying yes to every dude and I’m dated out a bit. A few of my coffee/drink-meets have been good, but have led to subpar real first dates and someone who I had been texting with pretty steadily was so boring in person.
I randomly met a dude last night and we hit it off, but I don’t know if it will go anywhere. I agree with @bibliobotic though. I want to date without actually dating. Something that doesn’t take this much effort.
I pretty much just want the Tom Hardy from yesterday to be my boyfriend. I’d like to skip the beginning part.
I have a first date with a guy from Tindr tonight. I’m not in the right headspace for a first date–I think I’m talking myself out of it before it even begins. It feels more like a chore than anything. Any tips on how to rally?
Whenever I’m not really feeling a date, I usually try to get there early and get comfortable and relaxed. On my way, I listen to music that I love and think about anything other than the date. And then I hope he stands me up… not exactly the best, but you know…
So, it started out okay. We met for drinks, and he was cute and interesting. He said he needed to work at 11:30pm, so there was a defined end to the date.
At 10:30pm, I went to the bathroom and congratulated myself on rallying for a good date that was about to end so I could go home to sleep. When I got back to our table, it turned out he had called his boss to switch shifts because he wanted to spend more time with me. The next two hours were . . . not fun. He pressured me to go out dancing, negged me for being “set in my ways” (a.k.a., not wanting to go dancing all night when I have plans the next morning), and, when I finally left, gave me a truly terrible kiss.
Oh man, that sucks! D:
(Hi. New commenter here.)
Ignore the book guy. He is testing the waters. You don’t owe him shit.
I am having a very strange spell of OKC interactions with guys with serious social skill impairments. (“Where’s My Cut?” really spoke to me, as I want to start charging these dudes for advice on how to be less creepy. I got a super generic “good morning how are you” message this morning, but was feeling generous and replied. After a brief discussion of the weather, the dude jumped straight to talking about our “alignment” concerning sex. He may be right, but it’s NOT OKAY to go straight there unless you are both explicitly looking for a hookup. I pointed this out.
I would also like Tom Hardy to be my boyfriend. Failing that, I would like my Friend With Benefits to be available more regularly. Since that’s also not likely, I guess I’ll have to decide how harshly I’m going to judge these dudes for their problematic interactions.
HOORAY it’s my first toast recruit 🙂 hi friend. I am sorry I have no dating advice.
Hi! This shall be a great adventure for us all.
Also, I like the cut of your dating jib. You tell those dudes.
So after working for 10 years, I think I’m going to leave it all to study for an MPH – am I crazy or just stupid? I don’t even know how to write an essay anymore! Does anyone have any tips for going back to school? Can you tell I’m totally terrified!
Hi! I left one career after a decade to go back to school, get an MSPH and follow-on PhD, and work in a different field. It turned out to be a wonderful decision for me – although ngl, there’s a lot of work involved, but I love what I do now, so the grad school was worth it.
Happy to answer any specific questions, if you like? Good luck!
This helps. I currently do not love what I do and would very much like a career I am passionate about. I think when I was applying all I thought about was how excited I was to do it and now I’m in I just want to make sure I make the most of it. Do you have any tips on keeping track of and managing the work load? And thanks for responding!
Could you do it part-time online to start, and ease your way back into it? Congratulations, that’s a big step!
I think that is a good strategy but I know my brain is bad at juggling and so I’m a bit scared of working whilst studying so I think it’s better for me to do an FT degree but thanks for the suggestion!
You are neither crazy nor stupid! I went back for a master’s after ~10 years, and it was amazing. It all comes back to you, I promise. You can dooo eet!!
I can try to think of more specific tips if you want.
Ahh phew. It is reassuring hearing that other people have had this experience. I feel a bit like a dinosaur as when I last studied I just had a pen and a pad of paper but apparently these days the kids have laptops and apps and all sorts of newfangled things! When did the world get so modern!
If that’s a public health degree, two friends have pursued that path–one completed hers and is doing absolutely amazing work (literally popping up all over the globe at random in my FB feed) and the other’s not done yet, but I predict similar good things. Have heard nothing about the schoolwork itself being hideous torture, and it seems to translate directly into real life useful work. If you decide to go for it, may the wind be at your back (to blow all the germs away)!
It is in public health! I think the most reassuring thing to hear is that other people are really helping other people. I think it’s the one thing that silences the voice in my head that keeps whispering “youregonnafail” on repeat.
The nice thing about the MPH is that since it’s a professional degree, there doesn’t have to be a lot of typical essay writing! Programs may vary of course, but I graduated with an MPH last year (after working for a while) and people who had been working were relatively better prepared for the actual practical getting things done parts of the courses. Also, pro tip, no one does all the reading, and most people do very little of the reading.
Ha that’s a very reassuring pro tip! I think the course sounds fascinating but I am doing it to get practical experience that can be applied in the field (instead of wanting to go in to academia) and so I’m really excited about all of te practical knowledge I’ll learn.
As someone who’s been through it, my advice is to be careful which program you choose. The Health Policy and Management Dept I graduated from was a combination of MPH and MHA (heath administration) students. I opted for the MHA route and let me tell you – biggest mistake of my life. The two year program cost anywhere from $50-90K depending on residency. There were zero opportunities for teaching/research assistantships. Out of the twelve of us in my cohort, maybe 3 of us found field related jobs. I was fortunate to find a job about 6 months after graduation, but I can’t say that the degree has helped me or my career.
To the best of my knowledge, though, most of the MPH grads have fared much better. So, my shitty experience doesn’t have to be your experience. Good luck!
This is the biggest concern I have. There are a lot of courses out there and it is really hard to tell which will be beneficial. I’m sorry that your experience was so tough and really appreciate your advice. I’ll be thinking it over a lot.
Husband and I went on a James Norton binge this week and watched all of Happy Valley and then the first season of Grantchester. Anyone else watch either of these? Happy Valley is so good. It’s on Netflix. Go watch it now!
We are also getting ready to go up to Dallas and see Metric tonight. They are opening for Imagine Dragons, so I guess we are seeing them, too. Anyway, I will not be around this afternoon but will catch up with the Open Thread tomorrow. Good weekend, all!
GRANTCHESTER! Fluff, but damn, that’s one sexy vicar.
Love both of those! He is hella scary in Happy Valley but so adorable in Grantchester. Boy has range. And looks good working outside in an undershirt *swoon*
he’s ridiculously handsome. loveddd grantchester (it was good! even beyond the handsomeness!), so i will gladly check out happy valley!
Yay Metric!
Happy Valley is uh-mazing. I think it’s the only show I’ve ever seen where sexual violence against women wasn’t eroticized one little bit which is obviously good but also depressing that more shows don’t, you know, do that. I think it helps that a lot of things were implied and not explicitly shown.
I find James Norton’s face so confusing. Like that man is so symmetrical it weirds me right out. Hopefully I’m not alone in watching Grantchester mostly for Robson Green, who I’ve carried a major torch for ever since I mainlined the entire Wire in the Blood series. I could do without the vicarangst in Grantchester, but the friendship between the two men is delightful.
Are you another Dallas area Toastie? We are hoping to have a DFW Toast Brunch soon, if you want to join in.
Spiritual practices.
Specifically daily ones. I’m rebuilding my daily spiritual practice, with a bit of daily prayer, meditation, self reflection and yoga.
I’m reaching the end of the Take 10 Headspace meditation app trial and wondering if any other Toasties use the subscription?
I’ve fallen out of practice, but for awhile I had a pile’o’wisdom (all of my books about different spiritualities and some that I just think have a lot of wisdom in them, including stuff like Harry Potter), and in the morning I’d light a candle and just pick one to read a passage from.
Lately I’ve been doing a morning tarot reading and I’m kind of still wrapping my head around why this thing works so well, because in my mind it’s always been kind of woo-woo nonsense. Except it is always eerily accurate and helpful.
I’ve never heard of that app, but it sounds up my alley! What was your experience using it?
I’m six sessions in and really liking it. They are 10 minute breathing mediations, just simple and for me, very effective.
I feel very quiet and hugely spacious inside when I’m done, if that makes sense
I’ve used tarot before, and also really appreciated it. I think they can be a grwtself reflection tool, as well as practice keeping open to mystery.
I wanna feel quiet and spacious!
“Practice keeping open to mystery”. That is a PERFECT way to put it. Because I am constantly just like “wtf what is going on how is this thing so eerily accurate all the time there must be an explanation” but the point is probably just to relax with the idea that there isn’t.
I made it through Take 15 and halfway through Take 20 – then unfortunately I just let it lapse. The sessions were very helpful for reducing stress and anxiety, but in the place I’m living now it’s hard to get quiet time (unless I get up at 5am).
I’m on vacation now, with tons of time to myself, which really helps. Thanks for sharing that you liked the longer sessions.
I always struggle with keeping my practices as practice, rather than sliding into an accomplishment/failure mindset.
Chicago Toasts / book Toasts / the overlap thereof!
THE NEWBERRY LIBRARY BOOK SALE IS NEXT WEEK, ARE YOU READY??
What’s your best library booksale find? One year at Newberry I found Garrets and Pretenders: the History of Bohemianism in America, which contains this most wonderful map:
It wasn’t a library book sale, but one year I volunteered to set up the enormous AAUW sale in PA, and the perk of volunteering was that you got to buy a stack of whatever books you wanted before the horde of re-sellers picked them over. If you said, “hey, I’m looking for a Fitzgerald Odyssey,” another volunteer would hook you up. I walked out with a 2-foot stack of poetry and classics for $50. Best day of my life.
I found the Barenaked Ladies’ demo tape at my hometown’s library booksale one year! Very exciting. It is yellow and has a picture of a sandwich on the cover.
The Yellow Tape! Exciting!
I found a King James Bible which was given to somebody in 1896. Some of the pages are taped, which means they’ve got yellowing, sticky tape on them, but it’s from 1896.
My most prized book is the King James Bible that belonged to my great-grandfather (about the same time) which has his notes penciled in, as well as a small stack of papers that he used to make an index of sorts, with a topic and verses listed in perfect script. I also have his set of encyclopedias with a published date of 1896. There are 9 volumes and they’re gorgeous
I love my library book sale. My dad goes through a ton of audiobooks and I can grab them at the book sale for $1-2 each. He is the easiest dad to shop for ever. Also once a year they have a bag same. Fill a paper grocery bag for $4. This year I got some home and gardening books, some lovely old poetry collections, a few books that pertain to my job, a dozen or so kid’s activity books for friends, and 3 quilt coloring books. For $4.
Thank you so much for the thoughts and comments last week re: my dad’s cancer diagnosis. We finally got the biopsy results — it’s not unserious, but also not super aggressive (they think), and they are doing still more tests and then surgery/chemo. We don’t know a whole lot about the timeline yet. I really appreciate the kind thoughts and supportive words!
Here’s hoping as the timeline becomes clearer, his options continue to look better and better. I’m thinking of you, which, jeez, that feels empty… but I’ve been where you are, and I know it’s tough even when the news is better than you feared.
Emergency Food for me is ramen (god, so salty and soothing and delicious). If I have a little more energy, polenta with cheese and a fried egg on top. I found out you can make polenta in the microwave (well, thick cornmeal mush? but that’s essentially polenta) and it has revolutionized my desire for easy filling warmth. When it’s hot out & I want a salad: cut-up fresh tomatoes, basil, olive oil, croutons, and salt & pepper, all mixed up and allowed to sit for a few minutes. The croutons soak up the tomato and olive oil and make it into like a cheapo panzanella. YOM.
Crack an egg into the ramen water, and then you have poached/boiled egg in your ramen. Yum.
I am definitely of the “put an egg on it” camp. Makes almost anything savory better, and feel more like a real meal.
Yes, pretty much all emergency meals involve eggs for me. Mine is usually: cut up a few tortillas into strips, fry, scramble an egg or two in it, add a ton of cholula.
Also, body modification thread! It is TATTOO DAY for me, I am very excited, and I think this will be #16 for me. Eventually I will have to start connecting them and making sleeves, but today is not that day.
Last week it was suggested that we have a Toastie body jewelry exchange – I know I have a bunch of old plugs and random dermal tops I am not quite using right now that I could have autoclaved, is this something people might be interested in?
Oh! I have a little box-thingie of jewelry that I might never use. I need someone to appraise the junk out of it, but then I know there are a few larger-gauge things I could share.
This is rookie talk, body-mod-wise, but the custom temporaries I had made on tattify shipped today! I’m going to use them to test out whether my commitment-phobic self could handle a tattoo that lasts more than a week (I ordered multiple copies). I’ve seen more ink/piercings/wacky hair colors in my current office than I did in college. Hooray for Portland! XD
Yay!!! I hope you like what you get!
Oh, so question about sleeve-making! How does one do that? Like if you have disparate images that aren’t thematically all that similar?
The half sleeve on my upper arm, which isn’t very graphically dense, is easy because it’s a whale and a sea monster so the background is waves and sky. My forearm is…not so neatly associated?
That is something I’m having trouble with myself – my pieces are completely unrelated!
I’ve seen people do a lot of little tiny filler pictures, but I have no idea how I’ll tie mine together…or even if I should.
Toasts, I need book assistance! Or rather, my friend does. She’s working with a foundation that helps mentor girls who are doing well academically, but are in under-served areas/schools of the state. Some of the girls she’s working with, though, are seriously under grade level in their reading, and the volunteers would like to create an informal book recommendation list. Things that the girls would enjoy reading, on the theory that reading books for fun boosts vocabulary and reading comprehension. So although good classic literature is welcomed, good YA (and possibly good middle grade) is welcome too! This isn’t gonna be a formal list, it’s gonna be a guide that volunteers can use to say, “Oh, you like x? You should totally read y.” The girls in question are freshmen in high school.
I of course had a field day with this, and I have a hefty list I can give her, but I read almost exclusively fantasy/YA fantasy. Also, I’ve realized that my book list is way too white (teenaged celery was not aware of the systematic biases in publishing and reading choices). This seemed like a mission you all would be very enthusiastic about helping with. 🙂 What do you recommend?
What ages are you talking about? (nb ages not grades cos I never know what they mean!).
Oh, good point. Freshman in high school would be 13-15.
High school freshman would be about 14-15ish, I believe.
Alaya Dawn Johnson is a fantastic writer and her two most recent novels are YA – The Summer Prince and Love is the Drug – and they’re both excellent. Summer Prince is set in a postapocalyptic Brazilian matriarchy and the female protagonist is a fierce artist with strong ties to two boys who also have strong ties to each other. Love is the Drug also has a female protagonist who’s experiencing memory loss in the early days of a global pandemic, and is more of a classic thriller. Good luck, the program sounds great!
I realize that this does not help the fantasy-bias of the list at all, but everyone in the world should read Dealing With Dragons, it is the best.
Okay, other suggestions. The multi-author Spirit Animals series has been super-popular at our library, kids love it, their parents love it, there’s plenty of books. Ditto The 39 Clues, also targeted at about a middle-school reading level. Time travel! History! Educational! But also, y’know, entertaining.
I usually recommend Anthony Horowitz’s Alex Rider series for boys, but that doesn’t mean girls won’t like it to – middle-school spy-fi, like a kid James Bond kind of deal.
If they like comic books, Ursula Vernon’s Dragonbreath series is targeted pretty young but who cares, they’re super fun (and also educational! I learned so many things about frogs from the ninja book).
On the higher end of the reading level scale I’m better at diversity – Brown Girl Dreaming by Jaqueline Woodson, Liar by Justine Larbalestier, and The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson are all pretty great.
I might be biased because I’ve been following her blog for a while, but Erin Claiborne’s “A Hero at the end of the World” is pretty great. It’s a little pricey for a paperback ($16 from their website I think?) but it’s also available for Kindle ($10). It’s published by Big Bang Press, they’re an independent publisher focused helping fanfic authors get published if they want to transition to original fiction. The main character is male, but he’s also a queer POC. It’s sorta like if Harry Potter had been a complete fuck-up and Cedric(also a POC) was his best friend and wound up saving the day. Also Harry and Draco have a thing going on. So it’s still fantasy but it’s not just wall-to-wall straight white guys.
Ms Marvel is fantastic. The protagonist is a Pakistani American teenage girl with superpowers. There’s a nice mix of her learning to be a superhero and her dealing with normal teenage worries. And as a comic book I feel like it might be a bit easier to read than a YA novel, but more age-appropriate than middle grades stuff.
Check out lists and recs here: http://weneeddiversebooks.tumblr.com/
Kendra by Coe Booth, Lumberjanes (graphic novel), He Said, She Said by Kwame Alexander, Sharon Draper books in general, Pointe by Brandy Colbert.
Of course, for really low level readers the Bluford High series can work. For comfort reading, you could try Dork Diaries books, because while those are aimed at younger ages, some of them might enjoy them still.
I absolutely ADORED the Dear America/Royal Diaries books. They’re pretty diverse (especially the Royal Diaries series- surprisingly so) and the Dear America ones have protagonists with a range of backgrounds.
And everything by Tamora Piece/Patricia C Wrede/Mildred D. Taylor/Cynthia Voigt/Eva Ibbotson/Diana Wynne Jones
I love pretty much everything by Jordan Sonnenblick for books that are at a middle grade reading level but won’t feel too young for a high school freshman. They’re mostly all guy protags, but not all white. Also Raina Telgemeier’s graphic novels are great.
As with many other respondents, I can’t help you much in getting away from fantasy, but I read a lot of YA books, even if they are mostly fantasy or sf. The Young Wizards series by Diane Duane is good. The main characters are Latino. Charles de Lint’s The Blue Girl is highly recommended, even though the main characters are (most probably, though not explicitly) white, for strong girl friendship and a subversive point of view. 😉 (Many of de Lint’s other stories deal with First Nation issues in Canada as well as urban fantasy.) Shannon Hale’s books are intended more for middle school, but have depth and a lot to say about privilege and not being part of the “in” group. The Illustrated Mum, by Jacqueline Wilson, deals with a girl who is experiencing a very fragmented family and a mother with bipolar issues. I second the recommendation for Dianna Wynne Jones. Lawrence Yep’s books might appeal, especially Ribbons or Thief of Hearts, which aren’t fantasy, but cover the struggles of being Chinese-American.
Here’s the website for one of my favorite authors for young adults: http://www.varianjohnson.com/index.html
I’ve read Saving Maddie and My Life as a Rhombus and both are SO GOOD. Saving Maddie sounds like it might be slut shame-y from the blurb and premise, but spoiler alert, it’s totally not, which is great.
For less whiteness:
Tsitsi Dangarembga’s Nervous Conditions (very YA in subject matter, including some stuff about bulimia, excellent writing, set in Zimbabwe)
Lola Shoneyin’s The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives (a comic Nigerian novel about marriage, relationships, economic class, paternity – some graphic stuff about sex but not too much)
Eileen Chang/Zhang Ailing’s Lust, Caution and her Love in a Fallen City (set in Shanghai mostly; possibly challenging in terms of ideas and themes, but not in terms of the writing, which has a pretty simple vocabulary)
just because:
Girl of the Limberlost. It’s about developing grit but it has wonderful descriptions of collecting moths (for money) in the woods, making yourself beautiful on a budget, and love/erotics. old-school YA.
Roald Dahl’s The Witches and James and the Giant Peach are still good for this age-group, even if they are too old for Charlie & the Chocolate Factory etc..
Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island (so enthralling).
Anything by Diana Wynne Jones, especially Dog Star (ok, she is technically fantasy but she deals with real-world issues well too)
Richard Connell’s short story, “The Most Dangerous Game” (teenagers LOVE this story from the 20s. It’s about going on a hunt for humans — the ultimate “big game” — on a remote island — and all the moral issues are handled even better than in Hunger Games)
I’m training my grad student and my undergrad together on the same task today. One is a chaos muppet. The other is an order muppet. The 2 of them do not work well together to say the least. We’ve spent the entire morning doing something that I estimated would take 45 minutes to train. I may be here all night. Send help! And liquor!
i’m so relieved it’s almost the weekend. this work week has been TOO MUCH.
toasties, i have a question that i already know the answer to: what do you do when you have a crush on a married coworker who has kiiind of started flirting with you?
the answer is always: back away, disengage, all ye who enter are doomed, etc etc. either he is flirting unwittingly (in which case: back away, disengage, your feelings will only get messier, self!) or he knows he’s flirting (in which case: ugh).
i know this but it hasn’t stopped me from…sort of flirting, ugh. i’m the worst! it’s not dangerous flirting, it’s just…he’s funny and it makes work more interesting! why, self? WHY.
I’ll chime in as a married toastie: perhaps try to remember that he once looked someone in the eye and made a promise to be true, which is a big promise to dance around the possibility of breaking.
But as someone who is not a dummy who lives under a rock, I get that it’s exciting to be flirtacious and maybe it won’t lead anywhere or maybe it will, that’s the allure. But it is worth keeping in mind that if it did lead somewhere that could be pretty catastrophic for someone.
You’re not the worst though.
oh yeah, absolutely. i would NEVER, and i think my attraction to him would evaporate in a second if i thought he would actually do that. infidelity is not a turn-on for me.
i don’t think it’s that serious—maybe i am being too generous, but i don’t think he recognizes what he’s doing. it’s not salacious flirting, and if it was, i’d be horrified.
You sound like me from about five years ago, although I was the one in an (already crumbling) marriage and he was simply in a relationship. The flirting was something I kept doing because it “made work more interesting”, but also just simply made me feel good. If it helps motivate you to be careful, the flirtation ended up getting noticed by others in the office, and lead to workplace harassment in the form of coworker who had been recently fired (the final straw on her employment was something a friendly coworker and I had reported to the higher ups), who decided to punish me by calling my phone at work and verbally harassing me about the flirtation (the words wh*re and sl*t were thrown around, as well as several other detailed descriptions of what I and said flirty coworker had been allegedly doing). If that wasn’t bad enough, the male coworker I’d been friendly flirting with instantly went into a panic about HIS girlfriend finding out, made the whole thing about him him him (though no one called him) and didn’t even bother attempting to calm me down from a panic attack over being harassed, or help me in any way. Which was also an eye opener!
tl;dr: workplace flirtations aren’t worth it, especially if the people involved are married or involved.
jesus, this sounds horrifying. i’m sorry this happened to you.
extra motivation to snap out of it is always helpful. it’s not a super serious crush on my part but i think it goes without saying that the cons (and potential even-worse-cons) far outweigh the pros.
Thanks, yeah, it was pretty sucky. On the plus side (I guess, lol), it was the final straw when it came to that job (which was a horrible workplace pretty much to begin with, in numerous other ways). It helped push me to get out and into the job I have now, which is incredible.
But yeah, I think workplace flirtations in general can be problematic (because you have to also consider your other coworkers and how they might view it and react), and that only gets more complex when one or two of the people involved is in a relationship or married! I think as long as you’re conscious of this and aware of the cons outweighing the pros, that’s good! Maybe it’ll help temper you when you see him, or something.
Would it be any less interesting if it were but friendly platonic joking? Reframing it in your head does wonders.
it would be BAD BAD BAD and i’m definitely trying to view it through that frame 24/7.
(but meetings are borrringggg and my brain isn’t helpful. but i’m doing my best to be self-aware about it.)
Try deconstructing what is going on. Is he only “flirting” with you because that’s the only way he knows how to interact with women? I suspect you would be just as diverted from your boredom if he talked to you like, I dunno, a human being? It is really nice when someone finds you attractive, but it’s also really nice to have someone attracted to your more durable assets, ie your wit, brain, sense etc. He probably DOES like those things so can you re-calibrate your interactions towards them? You are bound to enjoy to some extent his sexual appreciation of you but sit and pictue – or even, write out – the more obvious scenarios that would result from a liaison. Not pretty. You don’t want that.
Your imagination is your friend!
To me one of the definitions of flirting is: being playful to someone in a way you would never act on. It is flirtatious in part because it is always out of reach, not meant seriously.
So, as long as what’s said is high-brow and respectable enough for the office, I don’t see the problem with the flirtation. Especially if you flirt with other people who have a sense of humor — men as well as women. For me flirtation is a way of expressing appreciation of another person (without acting on it).
I flirt as a married lady, but in a way that, if my husband were present, it would never be threatening — it is clearly just wit and play. Part of the charm of flirtation is that it is always ultimately out of grasp and has no consequences. This might be a more helpful way of reframing it than “DOOM DESTRUCTION IMMORALITY,” or at least it would be for me and my personality type, so just suggesting as a possibility. It’s not for everyone. See what fits best for you psychologically.
this is helpful, thanks. it rings true–if banter and playfulness is flirtation, i flirt shamelessly with a good chunk of my coworkers without thinking twice about it, and i think it’s absolutely okay. the only difference here is that i have a crush on the dude, which makes my brain interpret flirting with him differently. but it’s the same kind of flirtation–pretty kosher, free of innuendo, etc. i think i still ought to pull back, though. not because my actions are inappropriate, but because i know my feelings might be, and at the very least, they’re inconvenient.
Ah, I’m way too late to this thread, and I am not a regular commenter, so grain of salt and all, but I definitely was in your position a couple years ago. I came to the same conclusion you did but yeah, it was tough sticking to it. I was still new to the office and to that city, and the attention from this married guy was comforting and unique from the other friendships I had developed in the office. He was unique in that he was easy to talk to about a subject not a lot of other people at work were very well versed in, a certain area of international affairs that happened to be something I became super interested in throughout college . At some point though, I was literally running in the other direction if I saw him down the hallway. I think our flirtation was noticeable enough for a few other co-workers to side-eye the whole thing a little, though that might have been my paranoia. I don’t know if this helps at all, but thinking other people might get the wrong idea about me being a homewrecker helped me ramp up my avoidance tactics. We worked together for about a year before he moved away to work in a different, distantly related field.
Years later, I contacted him because he used to volunteer for a certain type of nonprofit back when he was with my company, and I was trying to find local help for my boyfriend in a related field in which he volunteered. I was over my crush but also still thought fondly of him. He was divorced by then, and in responding, sort of in a roundabout way tried to start the flirtation back up, even though my first email mentioned my boyfriend and asked about his wife (not knowing that he was divorced when I first sent that email). Having the roles sort of reversed, it just felt terrible to even think I may have given the wrong impression. I don’t know if that also helps, but it really did give me new eyes on that workplace flirtation. There are still coworkers who I feel make work so much better by being there for me to talk to, who are married and are the gender that matches my orientation, but it’s different. It felt different even before I was in a serious relationship myself. It may have helped that I’ve met their wives and really adore them, but I think in hindsight the first guy and I were playing with fire. With these other guys, there’s never been any weird tension, just fun joking, respect, and affinity without That Type of Affection seeping into the subtext. That other type of attention was thrilling at the time, but it left me with a killer regret hangover.
Emergency lunch (basically every weekend lunch): Rice (maybe cooked in broth), sunnyside up egg with green onion, topped with soy sauce.
This. except with soba because it’s quicker.
Sometimes it’s really nice to make up a little bit of bebimbap sauce and throw that on there too. SO good.
I went to a court hearing yesterday and was (again) struck by how white and male and upper upper middle (“I was born with a silver golf club in my hand”) class it all is. A.k.a., this hearing was no different from any other hearing I have attended in the past 10 years, but for some reason it felt especially gross yesterday, and I want to burn it down.
Also, I was wondering if any of the white dudes even noticed? Probably not–too busy talking about golf.
Dog thread!
How is everyone this fine Friday?
Maybe a little like this?
This is definitely me right now. At least on the inside.
CORGI
BELLY
Corgis definitely improve any day. Which is why adding The Daily Corgi on my FB feed has improved things immeasurably.
Gertie, in repose:
Longdog is long!
ahhh what a silly face! <3
When we return after being away for more than a few minutes, Ruby carries shoes around. Usually it’s a slipper, but the other day it was a boot.
Also, she slept with her tongue sticking out the other day.
“I love you, you cannot leave me now because I have one of your shoes.”
Also, escaped tongue syndrome gets me every time. So sweet and silly.
I am currently dogless (oh apartment living) but I am going to start walking dogs at my local SPCA next week! So excited for quality dog time!
My tiny Trixie has been especially needy this week (or maybe I am and she picked up on it?) Either way, she just wants to be held or cuddled all the time, even when I’m trying to get stuff done. I made a makeshift baby sling to keep her in while I type or sew, and she seems to think my oversized boobs make a nice pillow. It keeps her from jumping on the sewing machine pedal or jumping at me (she’s too small to jump onto my lap if I’m in a chair) and lets me get stuff done (like that quilt, which I FINALLY finished!!)
FASHION THREAD because I’m online today!
I realized I only have one pair of shorts and one pair of jeans now. I am entirely office-appropriate-wear-overtaken.
My office is moving and so the whole of next week is “casual attire” for packing and cleaning out dusty shelves and etc. I had a moment of panic when I realized I didn’t actually have anything “casual” to wear that wasn’t, like, pyjama pants and ripped flannel shirts.
Also I got a new pair of oxfords from the thrift store and immediately gave myself ridiculous blisters that have made shoe-wearing awful all week. I think it’s time to invest in a pair of semi-nice-looking slip-on sandals. Suggestions?
Otherwise, tell me what you’re wearing and what you’re buying/making and what you’re doing this weekend that will involve big floppy sunhats. <3
I’m wearing the shit out of a mesh shirt that I thrifted and which I never thought I’d wear out of the house, and then I got pregnant and was like, “Whelp, time to enjoy mesh shirts while I still can!” and I plan on wearing this until I look like one of those styrofoam-protected Asian Pears.
I have only recently discovered the joy of a transparent black lace t-shirt. It was a long time coming.
I am pretty unfashionable, but I realized I was an adult and completely business casual-ized when I realized that 90% of my current wardrobe can’t go in the dryer.
yay for having a solid office wardrobe! (but keep those jeans! for both dusty packing days and also just…weekends.)
after not shopping for a while, i moseyed into forever 21 and found a pretty black blouse.
i am on the look-out for brocade/jacquard skinny trousers. preferably black with a silver or gold pattern, but i’m being flexible. i want to wear them with a nice top + heels for a cocktail-attire wedding in october. i know i’ll be more likely to find them in fall (or closer to holiday party time, at least, but i don’t want to cut it too close!), and i’m hunting all the thrift shops, but any other ideas where i could find such trousers?
No joke, both pairs of sandals that I wear (one dressier pair and one more casual pair) I got from Target, and they’ve been holding up quite well. They’re also really comfy.
Today I’m wearing a dress with kitty cats on it. :3 Also a shawl that I knit. Because I’m That Person.
Nice! I actually got my last two favouritest shoes from Winners, but I was really disappointed last week when I went to look for new flats and sandals. I am okay with a department-store approach though. No Targets in Toronto (anymore) but I’ll probably go for something similar.
I just found super cute sandals from Meijer of all places. For $10. I bought black and brown and have no regrets.
I second the Target recommendation. If you’re up for paying more like $40 the department stores in my town have a lot of the nice sandals for 40% off or so right now. I got a pair of really cute (and incredibly comfortable and supportive) Nurture sandals for $35 that work with my more casual summer office skirts and dresses. I think smooth, solid leather (or leather-looking material) is the way to go with office sandals.
My roommate is going to be selling her stuff at a art fair this weekend, and I am helping out! I cannot decide what to wear. It’s going to be warm but not too-warm (high of 78?) and we have a tent, so it will be shaded. Thinking: fun little black day dress from Anthropologie? A black beaded wrap top and jean shorts? My Red Fang t-shirt, aka my “Making Friends” t-shirt, since everyone always asks about it? Is black crazy for being outside all day? How do I project “competent art fair helper” without looking like I’m trying to be “artsy”?
This is the summer of maxiskirt for me. I wear maxi dresses to work and maxiskirts with t-shirts for not work. So comfy, love it!
oh thank fuck it’s Friday & Open Thread Time.
good thing: we found a wedding venue and I love it and it’s so cheap and low-key! and gorgeous so we don’t have to decorate much! it will feel like having a big house party because it is basically a big house! it’s small for a wedding venue, though, so my hope is that if more people than we expect RSVP yes, we’ll be blessed with good weather and folks can hang out outside.
bad thing: this lovely email from the boss: “we’d love to have you work on [interesting thing/good resume builder], but you are so smart and valuable and we just cannot afford to lose you from [tedious awful thing]!!! we need a certified genius like you on [tedious awful thing]!” c’mon, dude, we both know this is a business decision and that if I quit tomorrow you’d train someone else juuuust fine. Working from home means no one can see how hard they’re pinging your bullshit radar.
emergency lunch: no sandwich bread, am having tacos stuffed with tofurkey, mayo, mustard, swiss cheese, and lettuce. they’re good!
Congrats on the chill venue! I Big house party with friends and family is my personal favorite style of wedding to attend.
same here! I’m really impressed by folks who can pull off that feeling of a bunch of people low-key hanging out even when they do the big hall & sit-down dinner thing.
I’m in awe of people who can manage to make it work. Finding the right venue, especially if it’s somewhere that doesn’t need much decoration, is 90% of the battle. Most of the other stuff is actually kind of fun, especially the cake tastings or really any food related choices.
I finished Sense8 last night!! (I’m late I know!) Someone talk about it with me??
YES IT’S SO GOOD
I WANT MOREEEE. It better get renewed!!
I know, the first thing I did after finishing was google season 2, like “surely this has been picked up already,” but they haven’t made a decision yet! I will be SO sad if it doesn’t happen because they did not exactly wrap the story up, like, at all.
Yes, I just finished it yesterday as well!! Who is your favorite senseate? Mine would definitely be Capheus, but I adore them all, especially Sun. Also, here’s a hint: don’t read most reviews or comments online. People REALLY don’t like Riley saying that she’s useless. She seems to have the most empathy and the strongest link to everyone else in the cluster.
Riley might be my least favorite but I actually like them all! I think my favorites are Lito, Nomi and Sun — but then those are also the ones we saw the most of so I’m ready for that to change if Season 2 happens!
Lito and Sun! Yess. Lito’s drunk voicemails to Hernando, i lost my sandal call me 🙁 🙁
And Sun’s misandrist cellmates <3
Those drunk!Lito scenes were AMAZING
Sun’s cellmates! She was like… I’ve found my people at last but oh god I’m lying to them o nooooes
Lito’s reaction to Wolfgang using the bazooka was pretty much my exact reaction. His scene with Nomi at the museum destroyed me.
I didn’t really think much of Riley at first when she was in London, but when she went back to Iceland I fell hard for her.
THE MUSEUM SCENE. I’m still crying.
I swore so loud when Wolfgang pulled out the bazooka. Like WTH. WTF was that?
I was Lito. I was Lito so hard in that moment.
I love them all! Too hard to choose! I also really love Hernando and Amanita.
Me too! I love that the outside-sensate relationships are so good and that they (probably) won’t just all date each other inside the group!
YES! Isn’t it fantastic? I just started rewatching it, actually. I love it so much. All the characters are just so fantastic. I need a second season with a lot more Capheus and Sun, plus Lito needs to interact with everyone more. And I have some FEELINGS about Kala and Wolfgang (and Kala’s ridiculously perfect fiance that she still definitely should not marry).
Every scene with Kala and her fiance I’m just like, RUN, KALA!!! He’s too perfect — something is up! (And also she doesn’t love him which is more important even if he is actually perfect.)
Yes there is definitely something up with that dude. Though, ahh, maybe going to a crazy German with a big…trunk…isn’t the best option, either. Kala needs better options, period.
I kept thinking he’d do something terrible, and then he’d turn around and be fantastic. Even when he might have been justified in getting upset at her he was just super supportive and awesome. It probably says bad things about my experience with men that his goodness feels so shady (the same perfect romantic partner situation doesn’t feel shady when it’s Amanita with Nomi or Lito with Hernando), but it does.
I would be seriously disappointed if he turned out to be shady. I lovelovelove this storyline were he’s super perfect and Kala thinks she owes it to him to love him but it’s just. not. there. He’s “earned” her a billion times over but it just doesn’t work that way. You never see that on TV.
Nomi is my favourite, but I love them all a lot. I deeply adore the established relationships. I’m not all that keen on the level of violence and protagonist-centric morality, especially Capheus/Sun killing all those gangsters to save that one monster’s life? Like, they are precisely as woorthy of death as him, no more and no less. Pick one.
That’s a good point about Kala’s fiance! I just hope we get another season & can find out!
Lito and Will talking to each other for the first time in Iceland was hilarious, my coworker thinks the actor playing Lito is the best in the show and I don’t think I disagree. His scene where he’s feeling Sun’s cramps is also in my top ten.
Ha, less late than me – I watched the first episode last night.
As promised, here is a Soylent review!
I finally ordered some Soylent two weeks ago, and it arrived Monday. First impressions were not great, but after I refrigerated it properly, it improved to “I guess I could probably acquire a taste for this, maybe.” Have been working on having little bits regularly and adding things to make it taste better. I have a little bit mixed up with cocoa, vanilla and extra water now, and it’s more-or-less drinkable. Still don’t love it, though.
It mostly tastes like oats, with hints of sunflower and chalkiness. The texture is somewhere between milk and melted ice cream, with a few little floaty bits (I think they’re the fibre). It leaves a little bit of a chalky coating in my mouth. But the main problem is that it has a slightly offputting smell and aftertaste. According to the Soylent forums, only some people notice this, and some earlier versions didn’t have the same issue. So I will probably keep trying to develop a taste for Soylent, because it would be awfully convenient sometimes, but at this point I don’t expect I will buy any more of this version, and I’ll be looking specifically for reviews of the next version from people who disliked this one. I did sign up for their beta program mailing list.
Haven’t actually had enough Soylent to report on its effects on hunger, digestion, etc. Maybe next week!
hey, thanks for this — I’m definitely interested to see how this goes.
lol soylent etc, but — not to get too into it, but I have some fairly severe depression and sometimes I just… can’t bring myself to eat, and soylent sounds like the sort of thing I would be able to manage. Bland and full of calories is basically what I need for the bad days.
OK, so i need some advice… My mom and I are at a loss here: my parents divorced a few years ago, just a few months after I moved out halfway across the country. My dad is a mess (I don’t really talk to him) but still in my sister’s life (22, 19 and 16, all living at home– that’s pretty normal in my country). Anyways my youngest sister’s reaction has been lying, sneaking around, drinking and smoking. She’s been to therapy, to church and to a “camp for problem kids” as she calls it, but nothing has helped her. Last week ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning (somehting that happened to another sister a few months ago and was SUPER scary, but apparently not for her) … I think this could be a phase but could also carry through her adulhood. I was a nerdy teen and while I drink every week I never really get drunk, so I don’t know what to do and my mom doesn’t either. I know it’s not really my place to fix her, but can’t help but want to try. We are pretty close in that we enjoy spending time together but i think she sees me as “the perfect oldest sister” who only judges her. (posting as anon to protect my sister’s ID)
Tell and show your little sis what she needs to know from you:
1) You love her, no matter what happens and no matter what she does. 2) You believe she deserves to be happy. 3) You will help her when you can.
Reach out to her every week, or on some other schedule. Just don’t make it contingent on her response. Every time you communicate with her, keep your 3 points in mind and try to demonstrate each, every time. Maybe plan ways to show her each of the 3.
You are a good, loving sibling. Your thoughtfulness shows here in your comment. Your little sis is lucky to have you.
Thanks so much, this is good advice. I think I need to be better about keeping in touch (we talk almost daily but in a Whatsapp group, not one on one) and about letting her know that she can come to me whenever.
I would add that if you do have a discussion about alcohol/drugs etc, approach it through the lens of harm reduction. For some of us it feels somewhat irresponsible to give a 16 year old advice on how to drink without getting alcohol poisoning rather than just telling her not to drink at all, but it’s more likely that she’ll listen and come to you with other questions in the future.
Yeah, thanks! When I talked to her after I said “I love you please learn to take care of yourself, you don’t have to do everything mom says but you have look after yourself” and I was afraid of her reaction but she only said “OK, I love you too”.
I was out of town with no laptop for a week and right now I have SO MANY tabs open from the toast — articles and open threads and link roundups and links from link roundups — a delightful kind of overwhelmed. I’m all set for weekend reading!
How can you do that without your computer crashing? Toast just kills mine. Currently using Firefox on a Mac – better than Safari but not much. 🙁
Toasts! I just submitted an application to rent an apartment yesterday — after a near-miss on another apartment in the same building; someone else got in first — and now I’m waiting to hear if the landlord approves the application. (I should certainly hope so: I’m in good financial shape, none of my prior landlords have anything to complain about, and I’m a librarian, FFS. I’m the stereotype that people think of when they think “quiet and harmless.”) And I’m moving in just over two weeks, even if this particular apartment doesn’t come through. New York apartment-hunting is the closest thing to collective insanity that I’ve ever experienced, and right now I’m just hoping that the landlord will say yes so I can look back on this and laugh a few weeks from now.
And tonight I’m getting dinner with a friend and going to the Whitney, and then this weekend I think I’ll go see that new Sherlock Holmes movie with Ian McKellen as a reward for surviving this week, which also featured a lot of traipsing around looking at impossibly tiny apartments on what might have been the muggiest, sweatiest day of the whole summer.
oh god, i’ll be looking for apartments in nyc this time next month and anxiety is slowly eating away at my entire brain… already, apartments are all i think about. last time i was apartment hunting we were shown a “two bed”, basically in the middle of the BQE, where the second bedroom was a closet space with a yoga mat on the floor, for $2200 a month… when we said we’d “have to think about it” the broker furiously us that two girls in our situation couldn’t afford to be picky and we’d be so lucky to live there.
so anyway GOOD LUCK, i truly hope this apartment works out for you!
Thank you! And much sympathy for your own search — I definitely felt like the process was consuming my brain for most of the summer. Everyone told me that I’d find something, and they were right, but it’s hard to keep that in mind while you’re bookmarking 25 listings and squinting at photos trying to guess the actual dimensions of the rooms.
Also, that broker sounds like a jerk. Intimidating people into renting apartments that don’t meet their needs? That’s not helpful — not to mention kind of dumb, if he ever wants your repeat business or your recommendation to someone else. The broker I worked with just said “Now I’m getting a better idea of what you want!” when I told him which of the apartments he showed me were too small for my furniture, and it was great. So I hope you work with someone nicer this time!
And, update: APPLICATION ACCEPTED! WOOHOO, I HAVE A NEW PLACE!
CONGRATS!
AWWWWWW YEEEEEEAH
hurrah for your new place!
I’m moving too for an August 1st start-date and really dreading the packing/lifting/unpacking. Maybe we can have a Moving Solidarity and Entertainment thread in a couple weeks!
Ah, Toasties, it’s been a craptacular week. My brother was visiting from out-of-state and while he was here we found out my grandmother died. I have very mixed feelings about this woman who didn’t really bother to be a grandmother to me, so I’m surprised at how much her death is leaving me in a mental fog. Anyway, because he just visited, my brother can’t make it to the funeral which is in yet another part of the country. And JUST NOW when he got back to his place he found out his car was broken into, so that was an unforseen expense. Meanwhile, I live with my parents (again) for financial reasons and they have to go out of town for a few days for work-related reasons. None of us have money to fly (I’m unemployed and about to run out of savings entirely) so the same afternoon they drive back into town, we all have to swap luggage and go racing off to the funeral. This is all next weekend. We’re barely going to make it in town if we hurry, then we’ll have to go through the whole large-family-tiny-town funeral circus, and then turn back around because we don’t have the cash to be leisurely about this.
On top of this, just like the last time a grandparent died, all of the days leading up to this trip are now filled with the extended family losing their effing minds and miscommunicating and arguing and my mom feeling stressed and unable to mourn a mother who was unsupportive of her and ARGH. I just don’t want to do any of this. We’re going to come out the other end of this even more broke and feeling like emotional zombies.
Oof. That sounds horribly difficult. Is there a way to limit the travel or activities? Can you make a list of everything and then sort it by priority? Try to eliminate a few items? I can’t imagine. You’ll be in my thoughts, thebeagee.
If I could eliminate something, I most definitely would. I just want a job and to be able to afford to move out and no other large-scale family gatherings for, like, 5 years. My grandfather’s funeral just about shredded the other side of the family and at least then I had grad school to look forward to. Now I have that degree and apparently no use for it and nothing going for myself. Thank you for the well wishes, Rose.
Guys, I dogsat my neighbor’s dog a bit this week and it left me feeling like I will probably die if I don’t get a dog IMMEDIATELY.
Here is the dilemma in my head. I really want a medium sized/large-ish dog, but I have it in my head that this would be terrible and irresponsible, largely because my mother tells me this all the time. When I lived in NYC this was definitely the case, but now that I’m in LA it seems more reasonable because I have a car. I don’t have a fenced in yard, but my roommates work irregular schedules so taking the dog for a lot of walks won’t be a problem. I would like to be able to travel easily with my dog, but the trade off could be worth it– it looks like you can pretty much take a dog on a plan for $250 when it’s really necessary, if it’s not summer. In my mind right now, the potential problems with getting a big dog would be: I want to move back to NYC or to another big-dog-unfriendly city in the next 10 years (which is not impossible, but not imminently likely either). Or, I want to move somewhere and it’s summer so the airlines won’t let the dog fly (but then I could just get a friend or someone to foster for a few months till I can get him?)
I’m rambling here, but: Are there pitfalls to having a big-ish dog in my life that I’m not seeing? Is this really a very reasonable thing that I’m making a bigger deal than it is? Who has big dogs and lives in a city and can share their experiences?
Food and meds (heartworm, flea, etc) costs will be higher. Greater potential for damage. Some places won’t rent if you have dogs over a certain size, or of a certain breed. I have a small, but non-yippy dog, and he is the best. When his tail wags, it doesn’t knock everything over on the tables, and I don’t have to worry about him ever being able to reach the counters.
These are excellent points, thank you. I’m not so worried about costs at the moment because my move involved both a big raise and my rent getting cut in half. But my ideal has always been a small dog that looks and acts like a big dog. It’s just really hard to find, especially in LA because there are literally thousands of chihuahas up for adoption and you have to sort through ALL of them to see the other small dogs.
Oddly enough, my dog is a Chi/French Bulldog mix. Not the best genes to cross, but he’s wonderful. https://twitter.com/embryoconcepts/status/4848869…
You might be able to find one on PetFinder! You can search by breed as well as size, age, location, gender, etc. I have two large dogs (115 lbs and 65 lbs) and can’t speak to city life with them, but I’ve ruled flying them anywhere out after seeing how many dogs don’t make it (not insane as a percentage, but not a risk I’m willing to take- it looks like the statistics are much worse for particular breeds, too). I would generally advise against getting any dog with a plan to foster for months- for a large dog particularly, that could be really difficult to arrange (on top of being really confusing for the dog and potentially damaging to the friendship).
Thanks! I find the Petfinder search a little frustrating because I’m open to a lot of breeds, just not chihuahas, but it doesn’t let you search for everything but then that’s a small size. But I can probably just suck it up and spend more time going through by every small breed I like.
This is true, the plan is definitely not to foster for months; that is a totally theoretical and rather unlikely possibility. I have no plans to move anytime soon, and if I did move anywhere in the United States I could just drive with the dog. I’m just trying to think of every potential thing that could happen that might end up being a problem.
Because I need absolutely zero encouragement to go look at dogs on PetFinder, I did a search for small terrier mixes (just put terrier as breed, rather than selecting each type) in LA and now I want to adopt ALL OF THEM. But especially these two: https://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/32749123/ https://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/31858018/ (those teeth!)
Also, holy crap there are a lot of dogs needing homes in LA!
Oh! This is also the absolute best time to get a dog from rescue or local SPCA. Shelters across the country are maxed out as people move and surrender their responsibilities aka pets.
Gah. See, this is why I am asking so many neurotic questions, because I am NOT going to get a dog just to freakin’ abandon it when it’s no longer convenient. Your dog is epic, btw.
I used to dog sit in NYC. My charge was a little guy, but he and I encountered lots of big dogs in Central Park. Lots. So many. These big dogs lived in small apartments. But their humans were committed to daily outings to the park. Sunday mornings Central Park allows off-leash roaming. These dogs went around the block every morning. Then had a long walk (usually a dog walker service) at lunch. Then their humans took them to the park after work for another long walk. Weekend mornings always began with a walk with their human to run errands after getting coffee. Dogs stay tied outside while humans go into stores, so dogs were well socialized.
Big dogs are not likely to be stolen in NYC where everyone lives in apartments. But elsewhere, leaving a gentle, attractive dog tied outside a store often results in losing the dog to a thief.
About flying: only some dogs can do it without emotional harm. High-strung breeds often find the noise and confusion of travel in cargo, separated from their human, too upsetting. Rescued dogs often have trust issues from abusive/neglectful previous human guardians. This makes them emotionally fragile in a plane’s hold. I have seen golden retrievers travel well by plane. I think it’s an option for very calm, emotionally resilient dogs. You will know if your dog can handle it, because you will know your dog. I trust your judgment.
Thanks! That is all very helpful perspective, especially about the planes.
I love big dogs!!! I would say to consider how much you’re counting on your roomies for dog walking/sitting (that is, I’m assuming this would be your dog and not the house’s communal dog?). A good friend of mine got a dog recently & there was a bit of a rough time at the beginning when she was counting on friends & roomies to take care of the dog for her when she had to work late/had a vacation/wanted to go out, which all happened pretty often. It took a bit of time for the realization that just because her roomie’s schedule meant she was home every day at 4pm didn’t mean the roomie had signed up to walk her dog every day at 4pm.
Thanks, and good question! The dog will be a joint dog– my roommates are my best friends and we plan to live together for a long time, and they want a dog as much as I do. We haven’t fully discussed everything yet, but I think we will agree to all share dog responsibilities equally except I’ll take care of 90% of the finances as I am gainfully employed and they are not so much. And also agree that if we end up no longer living together the dog will be mine/my responsibility.
It is super helpful to have everyone ask me all these questions so I can think everything through!
Excellent point! My roommate has a cat, and she had a cat when I moved in so I knew what I was getting into – built-in cat sitter as necessary. For the longest time, Roommate was very careful to not take Other RM and I for granted but in the last few years has grown a little lazy and entitled to our time/money/energy in re. cat care. If Cat Mom is out of town I’m happy to feed and clean Kitty’s litterbox, but I don’t see how Other RM and I should be even partially responsible for the cost of Kitty’s flea meds – as recently became an issue. Yes, having Kitty’s fleas treated/eradicated is important and to everyone’s benefit but Not My Cat, Not My Problem. I don’t get to snug with the cat in my bed at night, if I move out I don’t get the opportunity to take the cat with me – it is most emphatically not my cat – but Roommate had gotten so used to having us in the house, caring about the beast (and I do love the fat furball) that she let herself forget she was really 100% responsible for it.
Yeah, I said something similar below, but basically what you described happened with my roommate who is also a good friend because a) I work from home and b) she got a new bf the moment I moved in, so suddenly I was taking care of her dogs almost all the time and she didn’t always bother to let me know when she’d be home to feed them and such, which predictably caused issues even though I love her dogs (in part because it was bad for one of the dogs who was previously abused and is very sensitive).
Don’t just assume you can lean on someone else for all the basics of taking care of your dog (even if they seem initially willing). If you’re all taking care of it jointly, there will have to be regular communication so you know when/if it’s been fed, walked, etc. and if your roommates get tired of helping it will be on you to figure out solutions to fill in the gaps (hiring dog walkers or sitters, for examples).
Yards are overrated, IMO. Just letting a dog out in the yard and leaving them there isn’t that fun for them, and they don’t get that much exercise. Work schedules are more of an issue to me, but as long as there’s someone available to walk the dog regularly (and they get enough exercise), they’ll be fine. A lot of big dogs are couch potatoes!
I haven’t done the NYC apartment-hunting thing myself, but I’ve heard about it from many friends and family, and it seems like a difficult and miserable experience at the best of times. Some of them have smaller/ medium-sized dogs, and it sounds like many of the apt. buildings/ condos they’ve found that do allow dogs have a size limit on them (e.g., a max of 10-15 lbs.) And a lot of places just don’t allow pets at all. So I would imagine that having a really large dog would severely limit your options for renting.
I wouldn’t count on being able to fly with the dog, if it’s too big for the cabin – there are some scary stats about dog deaths in the luggage hold (or whatever it’s called).
Yes! I will never fly with my big dog as a result – bud gets boarded or we hire someone to stay at our house whenever we travel, which was an expense I didn’t really think through at the time.
Have your roommates confirmed that they’re down to take your dogs for regular walks, because that’s a relatively big commitment (not in that it’s a lot of work, but in that your dog will NEED those walks, so you/they can’t just be lazy about it some days). Small dogs often still need walks beyond a quick jaunt outside for them to pee (depends on the breed and particular dog), but big breeds usually require more regular and longer walks for exercise (think 30 min to an hour every day, or at least most days). Also, as someone with a small breed, I find big dogs soooo much harder to walk. I’m also not particularly strong in the physical sense, so that has to do with it.
And know that, while it’s great to get a rescue dog for lots of reasons, any dog you get that’s a non-puppy has the potential to be coming to you with issues. You should know going in if you’re willing (or not) to step up and get them to training or make minor sacrifices in your own life based on their needs (like having to stay home more often or have people over less). Sorry, that’s a bit ranty, but people who act super inconvenienced about taking care of their dogs bug me and sometimes it means more than putting food down and letting them out three times a day.
I love dogs and couldn’t live without them, so definitely recommend responsible dog ownership if you’re down for it!
also, make sure they’re down for these walks in the middle of a blizzard in February as well as a sunny day in July!
Oh, big yes on the walking. And while there’s definitely a training component to having a dog that is easy to walk, it can also be a really, really, really difficult thing to train some dogs to do. I’ve given up on good-walker training and now just hook myself into a harness and go along as an emergency brake. It’s really fun, but also really physical.
Oh yeah, I clarified this elsewhere on the thread but it wasn’t clear from my original post: My roommates are my best friends and we’ll be getting the dog together (though we will discuss who officially gets the dog if we end up not living together anymore). At the moment, I have more money and they have more time so I’ll take on most of the finances and they’ll take a bit more responsibility for walking and stuff, though of course not all of it. My boss has also said it’s fine to have a dog at my office, so in an emergency where neither of them can take the dog I can do that.
And, yeah, of course. I had a rescue dog from ages 8-23 so I know the deal. What I’m trying to do right now is figure out which are the best choices for me in terms of the sacrifices I know I’ll need to make, and also to think ahead about what things could potentially happen in my life in the next 10-15 years so I can make sure that there is no scenario in which I wouldn’t be able to care for this dog.
These people are great at temperament testing their dogs; my dear friend in LA needed a rowdy-child-positive dog and she adopted her Trillium from here. Trillium is so happy to join in any adventure with The Knuckleheads (my friend’s little boys), and yet is gentle and beautifully behaved. http://hssv.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=u…
I myself have two large cotched dogs and a tiny impaired one from an old dog charity; they are essential to my continuing reasonably-ok mental health.
I too am a big fan of big dogs (I would loooove to have a Great Pyreneese) and I am not a huge little dog fan, but of the little to medium dogs I have met, Cairn Terriers have been pretty great. Chihuahuas have a lot more range of personality than you’d expect- my coworker has one that is basically a cat (cuddles, sleeps all day, doesn’t do much else).
(Also, chihuahua has a broad definition in LA if petfinder is anything to go by- no way is this handsome young fellow a chihuahua: https://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/29198860/ )
And…now I’m down the petfinder rabbit hole…
This one looks like a fox! https://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/32727369/
Mini pit! https://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/28938581/
Lopsided ears! https://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/31442644/
Yo I am late to this thread but I just want to say that my Best Dog Friend Ever was a pit who lived in NYC and then SF, and probably didn’t get the longest most ideal walks all the time, but she was just the happiest dog and she had a great life. I definitely get having restrictions based on your housing, but plenty of big dogs live quite happily in small apartments.
These particular people and their dogs (TWO big-ish dogs in a city apartment!! See you’re actually being reasonable here) drove when they moved cross-country, though.
I know this is a late reply but I just went around the building and saw something small that made me think of you–a girl had come out of her student apartment and was playing frisbee with her black lab in the alley. He was so focused on her, so excited, so obedient, and they were both so happy to spend time together. He was just radiating love and happiness, and probably understanding that sometimes you gotta live in an apartment!
Infinitely better than all the tiny dogs I see being carried around, barking at people, lunging at bikes, having a bunch of head problems and anxiety and poor training (bc they’re so small, what harm can they do!). Team Get a Big Dog.
Mental health thread?
It has not been a good week, Toasts. I started out severely de-spooned (working one weekend, guests the next weekend, stupid forgetting that I need recovery time from those weekends-weekend) and yesterday afternoon I was seriously considering calling in sick for the rest of forever. I’m here today, but I’m all alone in my part of the office and I’m relying on you guys to keep me going until I get to go home and distract myself from the existential bleakness of reality with Netflix and fanfiction.
What do you do when you’re scraping along with the bare minimum for too long? Am I just being masochistic, insisting on not calling in sick to work?
I’m sorry you are in this fix. I’ve been there myself. It feels awful and endless. But you can get through today. Focus on the next ten minutes. Then the next ten. Only ten minutes at a time. Then go home and rest. This weekend, get some sunlight on your skin and retinas. Go to a restaurant for comfort food with a side of vegetables. You will feel better by the end of the weekend. Pop into Monday’s link roundup and let us Toastfriends know how you’re feeling.
Thank you. <3 I’ll do my best with the sunlight (projected heat index of 107, followed by rain, summer hates me).
If you’ve been scraping along with the bare minimum, I think it’s totally ok to call in sick. Mental health is health! And that time off to just recuperate and reenergize will probably help a lot in the following days. Having spent many, oh my god when is this day going to end, afternoons in the office alone, it’s a good time to do sort of mindless productive work (for me at least!) – scheduling social media posts, data entry… Anything that doesn’t require a lot of intense brain power but will keep you occupied enough. Of course sometimes you can’t even do THAT, and in that case – fuck it, it’s a Friday afternoon. If you’re checking The Toast, it’s ok.
My mental health update – had a weird reaction to my first attempt at an anti-depressant, am going to start a verrrrry low dose of another one tomorrow. Happy with my psych doc though, she did a cheek swab genetic test to prepare in case this second med is also weird. The test is supposed to indicate which psychiatric medicines might be best with your body/system. Keeping my fingers crossed for no side effects this time though.
There’s a genetic test to figure out psych meds?! Wow! I had weird side effects as well. They can be truly awful, to the extent that sometimes you forget what “normal” means to you. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but so happy that it might not happen again.
Apparently yes! Something about looking for variations in the enzymes that break down the medication, so if your enzymes are weird (“variant”), you can have an idea of which ones to possibly avoid. Science! My doctor said she thinks eventually it will be even easier to determine what medicines are best for individual people. And thanks for the well wishes. This was just a short time on the old med, and a physical side effect – so while unpleasant, I was easily able to recognize that something was up. which is a blessing for sure.
Seconding the WHOA at genetic tests for psych meds. That’s awesome. Here’s hoping this one goes fine for you, though – side effects are THE WORST.
Thanks for the good wishes! And yeah, isn’t it an exciting tool? My doctor said she doesn’t use it for everyone first thing, just if there’s trouble identifying the right med after some trial and error, or if they have an unusual side effect. Also Senor Google says that the professional opinion on the test is mixed, but hey, no harm in trying.
Ugh, I’ve been having a bit of a Week too, for similar reasons. Basically, I’ve been wanting to throw a party to take advantage of my building’s patio since I moved in, and I decided to finally do it last weekend. But then I had to spend the whole week planning for it, and then I started getting social anxiety about it and then during it and then after it and I still haven’t recovered (I’m generally an introvert, but I have phases of extroverted-ness periodically where I like to do a big social thing, and I thought I might have one of those but I didn’t and now all I want to do is stay inside and not talk to anyone for at least 24 hours). Plus it didn’t help that I stayed late at work Monday & Tuesday for some volunteer stuff (actual volunteer stuff, not labor-exploity stuff), and went to a movie after work on Wednesday.
Anyway! The need for re-spooning is a real one, worth taking time off for (which is something I should also tell myself more often). I hope your day goes quickly and your night is exactly what you need.
Oof. Good luck to you too, on the re-spooning and relaxing.
Sigh, This past week I had two big anxiety attacks. Anxiety is something new for me, and I haven’t figured out what triggers it and how to cope. My only clue is it’s when I unknowingly put a lot of pressure on myself and then something unexpected or inconvenient happens. Mostly it seems like I can no longer handle disappointment? The job is stressful right now, but the triggers have been non-work related.
And as far as coping, mostly I’ve been just terrifying the boyfriend by crying and hyperventilating and panicking all over him. This is not an effective way to actually calm down. Physical exercise actually calms me, but it’s a big step to actually make it to the point of standing up and moving…
Is this something people go to the doctor/therapist about? Or will my resilience come back on its own? Anyone else with anxiety have suggestions?
I’m on anti-anxiety meds, which helps with the constant hum of anxiety, but haven’t been able to find anything to deal with the panic attacks (although on meds they are less frequent) I just have to push through them, usually I lay down and try to slow my breathing, then have a big glass of cold water and take a nap (if I can) They’re so exhausting. I also have some audio books that I find calming (harry potter or any of the Jeeves stories, especially) and distract me from my thought patterns and won’t trigger any stressful thought pathways. Having a cuddle with my pup helps a lot too.
I’m sorry that’s happening to you; it sounds really stressful. Going to the doctor/therapist never hurts (assuming you have some sort of insurance, I guess).
Oh man, I feel you on the de-spooning. The best things I’ve learned to do are 1. Prioritize what needs to be done and do only that. Sometimes that means calling off work or getting takeout or whatever but sometimes that’s what needs to happen and that’s okay.
2. Remember how you feel now, without judging yourself and apply that when you’re scheduling things in the future. I have a tendency to forget that I need time to recoup my spoons after an event so when I’m planning I look at the days before to figure out if I have enough spoons to do an event but I won’t remember to look forward and see if I can afford to be short on spoons for the next few days.
This particular experience has convinced me that I need to bow out of the trip (I thought I was) provisionally included on (that apparently the other person thought I was 100% confirmed for) over labor day weekend. That’s another awkward phone call that’s gonna have to happen, but it will be better for me in the long run.
I agree with other people – calling in sick can be really great. It can be hard to call in sick if you’re not used to doing it (I always have to tell myself that it’s okay and I’m not letting anyone down). But when I do I feel recharged.
Right now I’m slogging through an off day. I have all these little tasks I want to do but my whole body feels heavy and I have to fight myself to do them. We have an overnight guest coming and I just don’t feel like cleaning the house, and I just noticed today there are pharoah ants in the sink and that makes me feel extra exhausted. I did look up some therapists today because I think I need to go back – mine moved away last year and I was feeling okay so I didn’t search for another one. But I’m sick of feeling tired all of the time and anhedonic.
Yep, that feeling right there, that has been my week. *internet hugs* I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch, too. Here’s for a good therapist the first time around.
Also I finally finished watching Daredevil last week and I am in too deep, help me, someone come talk to me about the feels. (I have feels about everyone on this show, dammit.)
Oh man, I am Here For a Daredevil feels thread. My primary feel about that show is that I love how vulnerable Daredevil/Matt is while still being portrayed as a very masculine figure. He cries lots of times, struggles with morality and religion, has a close and emotionally supportive relationship with his male best friend who he’s terribly afraid of losing, and gets shit kicked out of him a whole bunch of times, and yet he still kicks ass and the audience is encouraged to sympathize with his vulnerabilities rather than view them as weaknesses or threats to his masculinity. In the field of superhero media (about which I am admittedly not that knowledgeable) that feels like a rare thing to me.
But also I just love everything about this show. I’ve been periodically rewatching episodes since I finished it because I’m ready to be done yet.
YAAAAS. Matt and Foggy’s relationship gives me life. (Part of the reason it took me so long to finish the show was that after the reveal in episode 10 I had to find something happy for a while, because them fighting was so painful.) And I am so with you on Matt’s vulnerability. I mean, aside from masculine vulnerability being a bulletproof kink, it’s handled so damn well in the show, they use it to make you hurt for him.
And like I was just telling a coworker – I love how the show is determined to have both “Matt Fights An Actual Ninja” and “Matt Cannot Move After Fighting An Actual Ninja.” Like, over the top superhero shenanigans followed by realistic consequences is my JAM.
Oh man, episode 10 killed me, but I also keep coming back to it because it’s one of the most beautifully crafted hours of television I’ve seen in a long time.
Here for you. That show made me write fanfic for the first time in like three years. And not just one, multiple fics. A SERIES. It took over my brain! And none of my RL friends watched it, so I was just freaking out inside my head a lot. I would say that you will get through the feels, but two months later, I don’t think that I am, so… good luck!
I am definitely not sitting here with the draft for “Foggy Nelson, Long-Suffering Best Friend” open in another tab, what are you talking about.
There’s something about the show that just MAKES you write fanfic. I know I did….
I haven’t written any, but it’s definitely made me read fanfic for the first time in years. I just couldn’t say goodbye to the characters/world.
I was mildly impressed that they subverted my cynical expectation that they’d fridge Vanessa. And then went for Wesley instead!! Well played, Daredevil writers. Well played.
Vanessa! Wesley! You know, this is one of the only shows where I really do root for the bad guys almost exactly to the same degree as I root for the good guys. (It doesn’t hurt that the moral distinction between torture and murder is…not as sharp as some of the characters want it to be.) Man, Vanessa is so great, I want her to be Kingpin next season.
Yeah there were def. some parts where I was like MATT what are you DOING WTF WTF THAT IS SO WRONG. But he also seemed to recognize that, in a way. And at other times he rationalized his actions the way pretty much any person would. A+ writing all around.
But there wasn’t nearly enough Claire! I wanted more Claire.
Also was I the only one who noticed that Stick and Gordon (from Agents of SHIELD) are basically the same person?
We are promised more Claire in the other Netflix Marvel shows! (I’m loving the thought of Claire being the go-to emergency medical help for all these closeted NYC superheroes, she deserves so much better in her life but it’s hilarious and wonderful.) But yes, more Claire, always more Claire.
I have not seen Agents of SHIELD yet (I was put off by the extremely mediocre start, though I’ve heard it gets much better), but at the rate I’m spiraling into Marvel Hell it’s only a matter of time now.
Yeah it basically doesn’t get good until halfway through the first season, which in the overarching MCU timeline is when Winter Soldier happened. And SHIT. GETS. REAL.
There’s a good portion of season 2 that is basically “Battlestar Galactica set in modern times” (including Edward James Olmos as a grumpy old commander!!) and I was very satisfied.
Edward James Olmos convinced me. Adding to my Netflix queue right now.
Thirding the more Claire! I am worried that this whole “Night Nurse” thing is going to end up with her moonlighting on all the different shows taking care of people and never getting her own storyline/arc. Also sad because I think it means Clairedevil will never be a real thing. But have to hope for the best, I guess. And also that’s what all the fanfic is for! (see below)
I AM ALWAYS HERE TO TALK DAREDEVIL BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST
FOGGY AND MATT AND KAREN AND VANESSA AND WESLEY AND FISK
AND BRETT AND BRETT’S MOM
I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR HELL’S KITCHEN
Also, fanfic thread!
I finished the Mad Max coffee shop AU in line for Ballroom 20 last weekend which was an EXCELLENT life choice. I’ll probably read the companion piece this weekend after seeing it again with a friend (I AM SO EXCITED FOR HER TO WITNESS).
Also, I started rereading The Least of All Possible Mistakes again pls send help
This week two of my favorite Dragon Age fanfic authors both left sincere, positive comments on my pieces and I was so, so happy! I mean, you know, still wracked by imposter syndrome, but happy.
I read your Cass/Varric fic last night (I’ve been on a Cassaric binge lately) and it was fantastic! I need to go and leave you a comment and not just kudos.
SHUT UP did you really?? Ahhhhhh! Toastpraise! I’m glad you liked it!! I’m kinda sad it’s over actually. 🙁 I love writing Varric SO much.
You know the answer to that right? Write more Cass/Varric fics!
I have played (but not finished) DA:I but I have not read any fanfic. Cass/Varric sounds hilarious to me. Is it hilarious?
Well, aside from Girl Named Jack’s awesome fic here: here I really like the stuff Vehlr writes. A good collection of her short fics are here
OH NO this isn’t hilarious at all except where it is and I just finished the first chapter and apparently Kingsman had made me super attuned to angst and pining and I am definitely reading this now, is this going to be a problem??
Define “problem”…
I just re-read what may be my favorite fic so far this year (can’t link because work, but it’s on AO3, by Owlet, called This You Protect). It’s basically a Bucky recovery fic – probably pre-Steve-Bucky, but that’s definitely not the focus. It’s hilarious and sarcastic and has delightful old people in it and I love it.
I tried podfic again for the first time in years on my drive up, and I forgot how much of a gamble it can be. Most of it was excellent, with one notable exception, but more than anything it made me want to start recording again. I can look at microphones after I get all my stuff unpacked, or so I keep telling myself.
I also finally started reading the other fics from the Mass Effect Big Bang (which ended in June, I know), and my favorite so far is probably Seeing Red. It deals pretty straightforwardly with themes of addiction, which isn’t usually what I go for, but it’s really interesting.
I highly recommend anything read by Fayjay, even if it’s not in your fandom. She does an excellent Sherlock voice for one!
I ADORE FAYJAY. I found her in the Good Omens fandom, and I can’t get enough. 😀 😀 😀 I haven’t heard her Sherlock stuff, mostly because my entrance into the fandom was sort of like accidentally plunging into the deep end that is also full of overly excitable puffer fish, but I’ll have to check that out when I get home. Thanks!
I think I have read Least of All Possible Mistakes about half-dozen times, so I am right there with you. Right up there with At Least There’s Football by sheffiesharpe which I think I’ve partially memorized at this point.
My favorite Hannibal fic is on chapter 19 of 20 and I don’t want it to end! This author (emungere) captures the Hannibal/Will dynamic so perfectly and shows how they can be happy without sacrificing characterization, and ahhhh. Idk if I have the exact quote right but there’s a line that goes “Joy and pain sit with equal beauty on Will’s features, and Hannibal wants to give him so much of both.”
You know, I love Hannibal more than most things, and I ostensibly am not opposed to the Hannigram turn things have taken, but I find it very, VERY difficult to ship them or read Hannigram fanfic. Because I do not want Hannibal in a relationship, with anyone, ever, because he is LITERALLY THE DEVIL. And especially not Will who he has gaslighted and tortured for years. Like, obviously they’re soulmates in many ways, BUT NOT THAT ONE?
Still open on every device that I own. Due for a re-read, thanks for the reminder. 🙂
*edit YES I just started The Least of All Possible Mistakes again, damn you all
Aaaand now I’m reading Least of all Possible Mistakes again as well
It’s such a good AU! I have very strong feelings about it.
I AM ON VACATION IN UNDER FIVE HOURS BUT FIRST I HAVE TO WRITE MY ANNUAL REPORT OF JOB RESPONSIBILITIES AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO PRESENT TO THE TOWN GOVERNMENT HAHAHA MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE
I have no plans for this vacation! Definitely doing some day trips- hiking, going to the beach, etc.- but mostly looking forward to wearing dresses with no waistbands and not staring at a speadsheet of statistics for 10 days.
Toasties, I’m a lurker more than a commenter, but I recently relocated to the Bay Area to be with to my boyfriend and dissertate from afar, and I know very few people other than him. Is there a Toast meetup group for SF or South Bay?
There are many, MANY delightful Toasties in the SF Bay Area. I should know because I am one (I am delightful as FUCK). Are you on Twitter (I am also MsJinxie over there)? That’s mainly how we manage to meet up (and there is a Google doc around here somewhere that a smart Toast Person created that has willing participants have been adding their social media contacts and locations to). There’s also Brunch Club, which is the best club, and always open to new/visiting members.
I was just thinking about this! I might have to move to a different area in the YAY so I’m going to camp on this thread. msjinxie how might I get access to the Google doc and Brunch Club? I’m not on twitter though.
Seconding this! I basically never use my twitter, but I’m in SF and would love to meet up with some local toast folk if there’s another way to facilitate.
Ooh great! I’m olliegrace on Twitter. Just followed you.
I just love the fact that you are delightful as Fuck. Carry on.
CANADIAN TOASTS, ASSEMBLE! What are your favorite things to do in Montreal? I’m here for a month and am overwhelmed by all the possibilities.
Not Canadian but I was JUST in Montreal and crammed a ridiculous amount of touristy stuff into four days. I really enjoyed the biodome + planetarium + botanical gardens, which are all up by the Olympic Stadium. I saw a totally wackadoo “show” at the planetarium where they put you inside a weird dome full of bean bags and talk to you about WHAT IS TIME EVEN, WILL WE EVER REALLY KNOW? The biodome is like a cool small zoo where they’ve set up the different kinds of habitats that exist in Canada with all the types of animals that live there. We got to see them feed penguins!
You had me at “weird dome full of bean bags” 😀
Oh man. I love the Biodome. The Laurentian Forest was my favourite. Such crisp cool air! Otters!
I am not a Canadian Toast but I am going to be in Montreal 1st-8th August if you feel like meeting up with someone you do not know on the basis that we will both be in the same city and both read the Toast… And I will definitely be going to the planetarium and looking at penguins.
Yes! I would love to look at penguins with you. You can e-mail me at androdameia25 at gmail any time!
1) Bagels (I am a diehard Fairmount-er but St. Viateur is also very popular) 2) Wine from the IGA (they have a cheap house brand of wine where all the names start with “Wish For” and I will never get over their crappy “Wish for Fame” rose) 3) Poutine (La Banquise is awesome and open 24 hours) 4) Chicken from Romados 5) Parc La Fontaine 6) The Oratoire St-Joseph is really beautiful and definitely worth seeing 7) The Redpath Museum on the McGill campus is a tiny natural history/human history museum where you can easily see everything within a couple of hours (including a huge origami pteradactyl hung from the ceiling!)
Most of those are things to eat, but still
The only time I went to Montreal, it was to see a Just for Laughs show, which was pretty great. Apparently this year’s Just for Laughs is happening right now, and you should definitely check it out. Look at the street festival stuff as well as the shows. The street festival section of the site says there’s an outdoor free Weird Al concert on July 21.
winterbymorning is in the Montreal area I think! I bet she has ideas 🙂
Also, last time I was there we went to Bota Bota, which is a lovely “taking the waters” Scandinavian-style spa and I really enjoyed it.
God I love Montreal. I was there for about a month for work in April and have been back twice since. I would move there if it weren’t for the pesky immigration thing.
Above all, I recommend walking all over the place. Walk down St Laurent and St Denis, walk across Laurier and Mont-Royal, walk up the “mountain” in the park. You should have great weather now that it’s summer. Check out whatever festivals are going on – I don’t know what’s on now, but there’s probably some kind of music or food or art festival to explore.
I can also recommend some food/drink places:
Bar Majestique – pretty hip little bar/restaurant with interesting small plates, and it serves food late
Dieu du Ciel – probably the most established microbrewery in MTL, great grilled cheese too
Benelux – nice chill microbrewery with a limited food menu, also open late
Ye Olde Orchard – my company’s go-to pub, very chill except Sat nights when there’s live music (the food is crap though)
Burger Royale – a quick and easy place to grab a bite, tons of different burger configurations (veggie too)
Cat Cafe – exactly what it sounds like, free entry but required food/beverage purchase to hang out with a bunch of kitties
I’m not sure what your fancy is but I will offer several suggestions. I can recommend other stuff if you’re more specific about what kind of adventures you’re looking for.
-the musée d’art contemporain (place des arts metro) is 1/2 price on Wednesdays and is notoriously packed with ridiculously attractive people
-on Monday July 27th there’s a bingo fundraiser for roller derby at Notre Dame des quilles (32 beaubien est) run by a brilliant burlesque performer. It skews pretty queer but everyone is welcome
-and speaking of roller derby, tomorrow there’s a thing at Arena St-Louis (5633 rue Saint-Dominique) at 6pm
Oh, man. I want to give more specific guidelines, but you’ve already got it exactly! I’m definitely going to the roller derby thing tomorrow. Thank you so much!
Emergency food when I run out of leftovers is basically ploughman’s lunch – hunk of sharp cheddar and rice crackers with carrots or a dill pickle and tomato juice.
I just came home from the market and now I have to go again. That’s exactly what I want to be eating right now.
Hi Toasts! I am traveling to Wroclaw, Poland and Copenhagen, Denmark in a few weeks. Does anyone live there/has anyone been there/have any advice for me? I’ll be in Wroclaw for 5 days, and Copenhagen for only 2.
I was just in Copenhagen. It’s so nice!! Very pretty and great to walk around. If you like hot dogs and beer, they have lots of both of those there. If you are into food/eating, I went to two food stall/market type places that were awesome: Paper Island <a href=”http://(http://www.visitcopenhagen.com/copenhagen/paper-island-gdk916602)” target=”_blank”>(http://www.visitcopenhagen.com/copenhagen/paper-island-gdk916602) and Torvehallerne <a href=”http://(http://www.visitcopenhagen.com/copenhagen/gastronomy/torvehallerne)” target=”_blank”>(http://www.visitcopenhagen.com/copenhagen/gastronomy/torvehallerne). The Lousiana Museum is awesome, but outside of the city so might not be a good use of your time if you’re only there two days. The National Museum is free and also pretty cool. Superkilen is a fun park that spans a few blocks, and it has objects (benches, lamp posts, sports activities things) from countries where the neighboring residents are from. That was a very cool thing to see/a nice walk!
Have a great trip! 🙂
Thank you, this is perfect!
Did you find it easy to walk everywhere or did you need public transit? Did you buy a 3-day transit pass or anything (not sure exactly what they have.)
I walked most of the time, but was staying in a pretty central place and didn’t venture too far out of the main downtown/center city. I also love walking in a new city. I did get a 3 day Copenhagen Card, which gives you free access to lots of museums and public transit. I was there for a week and a half, so those three days were the pack-in-the-museum days and also took trains out to Roskilde and the Louisiana Museum. I’d say look into the Copenhagen Card attractions and see if they’re things you want to do – if so, it would definitely be worth it. And if you’re planning on taking public transit a lot, it probably would be. The subway was kind of expensive.
And I forgot Tivoli Gardens – it’s beautiful and so fun to just walk around, even if you don’t want to go on rides or buy the pricey fair food. The Copenhagen Card will get you into it as well!
Seconding the Copenhagen Card and Tivoli. Source: was there for 5 days in May.
DADS/MOMS THREAD Y’ALL
My parents are visiting us in the Boston area and visited the Cape, including Provincetown. Apparently it’s Bear Week. My mom saw a sign that said “PROVINCETOWN BEARS” and went to take a picture, thinking it was a baseball team.
DAD: Honey, it’s not a baseball team.
MOM: Then what does it mean?
DAD: Look around you (gestures toward approximately 10,000 rotund, hairy men holding hands).
MOM: ???
DAD: Bears.
MOM: Where? What bears?
DAD: [googles “bears”, hands her his phone]
MOM: What? I — oh. OH. OHHHHHHH.
Later, on the phone to me: “And honey, the hairy muscular guys are called wolves. And hairy smaller guys are called otters!”
I love you Mom.
Recent voicemail from my mom: “Could you ask your friend Siri if she has a boyfriend? I would like to know.”
My maternal family was visiting this past week, and my dad ACTUALLY PUT IN HIS HEARING AID. (He broke the other one somehow.) I am so proud of him, because he really obviously can’t stand my uncle (the Ur-Mansplainer, if you will) and for him to actually put the hearing aid in is impressive as hell, mostly because he hates wearing them. (It makes everything too loud, says he, and I believe him.)
How many of our dads watched Caitlyn Jenner’s speech and were telling us about it on the phone?
Your story reminds me so much of this Mikala Bierma & Tyler Coates short. Tyler’s facial expressions get me every time.
I don’t quite remember why, but I was talking with my boyfriend and one roommate about the differences between bears, wolves and otters (I think because of a Toast article?), and my other roommate– who GREW UP IN PROVINCETOWN and brought me to Bear Week before– tuned in and said, confused, “well, otters have webbed feet and long tails, right?” I think we laughed for like, 5 minutes. (She knew about bears, of course, but had apparently been unclear on wolves and had never heard of otters, hence her confusion.)
I’d never heard of wolves (in this context) before reading this! And I only recently heard of otters.
I got a phone call from my dad yesterday afternoon asking if I’d be home in the evening (yes, after 7). “Okay, I’ll watch the news and then come over. I’ve got something for you.”
“Something” turned out to be two huge massive slabs of home-smoked trout, which is [better/worse] than the his-and-hers shotguns that MrChouffe and I were actually kind of seriously expecting.
YOU ARE SO LUCKY. I heart smoked trout.
Ladies, can we talk underwear?
So one of the small trials in my life as of late is finding comfortable yet fairly cute clothing that can withstand a ton of walking. I like to wear skirts, but the chafing! Sometimes I would wear leggings and then change when I get to work, sometimes leggings under the skirt, sometimes some coconut oil or something like that. One day, in hating all these options, I decided the hell with it all, and wore my husband’s boxer briefs AND IT WAS AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE (in a non-sexual, anti-chafing kinda way). Except I look like a moron in them. I’ve recently ordered some Jockey’s Skimmies so I’ll see how that goes.
Anybody else fighting the underwear fight? What are your victories?
(Also, what to call them. Underwear? Undies? Panties? I just don’t know. I wish bloomers would come back. I would wear the hell out of something called bloomers.)
Uniqlo makes little spandex-y shorts that they market as “shapewear” but that I don’t find particularly “shaping” or restricting. I wear them over regular underwear and under dresses and they help hugely with summer chafing issues. I am sure lots of places make similar things but I really like the Uniqlo ones and they’re pretty cheap.
Oh, good to know! I have a knee-jerk negative response to anything marketed as “shapewear” because I can never tell whether it will just be an uncomfortable sausage casing, or whether it will be a viable product meeting my needs.
Oh, totally. I only bought a pair because I was in the store and they were on sale for like $5 and I figured it was worth a try. The packaging DOES have a hilarious graphic about, like, scooping your buttcheeks into them, but they’re really just like super stretchy tiny pants.
A+ for the phrase “scooping your buttcheeks.”
I am firmly a bikini brief kinda gal, but I have taken to spraying my deodorant on the inside of my thighs to protect from super chafing if I have to, say, walk around in NYC.
Also, this seems like as good a place as any to say that I am wearing my favorite underwear today. There is a skull and crossbones on the butt wearing shutter shades. They’re ridiculous and I love them.
Those sound AWESOME.
And it is amazing what a pair of cute underwear does for one’s mood. I distinctly remember owning a wonder woman underwear/undershirt combo of some sort, and that pretty much made me invincible.
Co-sign the deodorant trick. I’ve tried stuff specifically MADE for chafing protection and nothing works as well as a smear of my deo stick.
YUP, me too.
I am gonna have to try that. Do you know if anti-perspirant works the same as non-anti-perspirant for this?
I actually use antiperspirant rather than just deodorant – I’m gonna say it works better than non-anti because it keeps the sweating to a minimum.
Sweet deal thanks 🙂
I use these: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00917OYPA
because my netherbits require cotton.
And yes, I call them my bloomers.
I have been having such trouble finding cotton underwear, so thank you for linking to this! why are cotton underwear so hard to find?
For normal briefs I just get Hanes or Jockey or whatever at Target or Amazon … I’ve never had trouble finding cotton. Even Victoria’s Secret has (or at least used to have, many years ago) plain cotton ones.
Hm, that has not been my experience. I also do not like buying multicolored packs – I would buy hanes but you can’t choose what colors you get. I’ve been going to Fresh Pair.
Oh, yeah, this is always multicolored packs, which I don’t mind.
I’m trying out some Cottoniques soon – they’re all. . . organic hypoallergenic whatever? Expensive (for me) but I’m hoping for something with a bit more longevity than your regular Hanes business and a bit more dignity as well. (Those patterns and colors in the multi-packs! Jesus.)
Jockey elance forever and always. Bikinis (not the string kind). So comfy.
Marks and Spencer ships to the US now, but I still ask my presumptive-MIL to bring me four or five M&S three-packs or five-packs when they come visit. Best knickers EVER and many are available in cotton.
Like this!!
I basically live in multiple pairs of cotton shorts in the summer. These aren’t quite the ones I have now, but they’re very close: http://www.target.com/p/women-s-knit-sleep-short-… You can wear them as-is or under skirts/dresses, in addition to regular underwear.
Not sure if that would work for you since you weren’t into the boxers, but I wanted to suggest it.
CleverManka makes bloomers! She used to have an Etsy store. Not sure how to find her now. Maybe Twitter. Calling CleverManka!
I have a pair of Clever Manka’s bloomers and they are AAAAWWWWESOME!
I LOVE CleverManka’s bloomers, I am wearing them all the time now that it is summer in the city and I am going up subway stairs while not wearing tights.
Jockey Skimmies are the best invention of all time. I wear them every time I wear a dress (which is pretty much daily, I hate pants), and they’re miraculous. They aren’t tight light Spanx, so they’re plenty comfortable, and there’s no chafing ever. You’ve definitely made the right call.
I accidentally ordered the short version which are pretty much useless, but I have a pair of the regular, longer ones on their way to me and I am very excited.
I just bought a pair of the shorties, not so much to prevent chafing as to have some tiny something to wear around the house when it’s hot. (I work from home; on hot days, I might just put on underpants and a tank, but I like something more than hipsters for those moments when I discover, for example, that The Fella left our door to the shared porch open.)
So I’m wearing ’em like exercise shorts rather than underpants – I wear hipsters under ’em. The shorties ride up a bit, and if I were walking around outside in them, I’d be annoyed; next time, I’ll buy the longer ones.
But my best tip for this layer of clothing dates from my high-school days and has the benefit of being free if you wear tights: when a pair of tights busts out at the toe or develops a run, I’d cut off the legs somewhere above the knee and keep the resulting flimsy shorts to wear under dresses. They’re light like skimmies, and you already know they fit.
I wore mine out in public and your guess is correct – they rode all the way up as soon as I took a few steps and it drove me BONKERS all day.
I am firmly Team Boxer Briefs, for myself as well as for my partners. I tend to buy the American Eagle ones – they’re comfy and come in cute colors and they don’t have too much unnecessary front pocket space. And I happen to think I look damn sexy in them. Screw gendered clothing – comfy undies for everyone!
(and I like underwear, undies, even underpants, but I hate the word panties – just me?)
Not just you! I cannot even force myself to say the word panties out loud. It is just too. . . . no.
While screwing gendered clothing, can we also screw gendered bath products? I tried my husband’s Old Spice once when I ran out, and let me tell you, I’m never going back to ladies deodorant. Old Spice for life! The Denali scent is my favorite.
Wolfthorn! It smells like pine trees and Concord grapes to me.
I have a bunch of these in different colors, and I wear them over my underwear with dresses/skirts. They were cheaper when I first ordered them last summer, though!
There was a long (and super-helpful) discussion on Thigh Chafing a few weeks ago on another Toast post, but unfortunately I can’t seem to find it. There were lots of good suggestions for specific products.
I have the same issue. I’m not a huge fan of any undergarments in the summer, really, so I normally just use unscented antiperspirant on my thighs. But I need shorts or something if I’m taking a really long walk in the heat. I’ll try boxer briefs!
Add that to the many reasons to love the Toast . . multiple thigh-chafing convos! Anybody else know where that was?
I think it was on the open thread the week before last.
I wear cotton/spandex bike shorts under my dresses. Doubly helpful because I also ride my bike in skirts! So I don’t have to worry about accidentally flashing anyone.
Ohhh I could use these. Where do you find them?
SO FUNNY STORY. I’ve been able to find only one specimen of what I would consider the perfect pair of shorts – cotton/spandex blend instead of pure lycra, close-fitting but not TOO skintight, mid-thigh length. They’re Danskin brand, and I found them at TJ Maxx. But fuck me if I can’t find another pair just like them in stores! I guess I’ll have to resort to the internet.
The Anon who responded to you was actually me! I forgot to log in first. (Assuming that the mods approve the comment, haha.)
I love boxer briefs just for, like, daily wear, but those of y’all who find them useful to prevent chafing must have either very different boxer-briefs or very different thigh shapes than I do — I would need something with like a 6-7″ inseam to cover my chafey bits. I ordered a pair of Bandelettes earlier this summer and have found them comfortable and effective, but not perfect for all-day wear (because I wear them high up enough on my thighs that I want to pull them down or off to pee, and then I have to spend several minutes in a public toilet stall with my skirt up over my head getting them rearranged) — something shorts-shaped might actually be better on that score, since instead of “fidget this little elastic cylinder into just the right position” you just have to pull up an extra pair of shorts.
I was actually surprised to find that the boxer briefs covered up enough of my chafey bits. In my quest to find the perfect anti-chafing device, I did in fact measure my husband’s borrowed underwear to see what their inseam was (5″) and I think that must be juuuust enough to work for me.
I was wondered about Bandelettes! I think they are so cute, so I really want them to work, but I simply could not imagine that they really did. I had totally not foreseen the peeing issue. Perhaps a good idea for non-all-day special occasion anti-chafing wear then . . .
I’ve had some serious problems, in this muggy weather, with, um…jock itch. From the legline of my underpants retaining sweat, and then fungal problems happen. So now on really hot days, I just go commando, dust my upper thighs with cornstarch (I have a sock full of it living in my bathroom), and wear loose exercise shorts under my skirts. It’s not even remotely sexy, but I get neither thigh rub nor jock itch this way, so I’m counting it as a win.
So I do horse activities, and underwear is a major question for horsegirls. So, for the record, Skimmies with Body Glide.
I’ve found something similar to the Jockey skimmies that I like a little better, just to give you options – http://www.amazon.com/Wacoal-Womens-Smooth-Comple… (I found mine for $10 at Marshall’s)
They’re called “shapers” but they’re not really any more constricting that the skimmies, just a thinner material so I feel like everything glides a little bit better.
What is your place in your family, Toasties?
I’ve been thinking about family this week. My place was as secret keeper. My grandmother started telling me family secrets when I was about 5, telling me, “This is between you and me. Tell no one.” And I never did.
In college, I continued the secret keeper thing, and I never told anyone anything.
Trigger warning: abuse, suicide, guilt, so buried in the thread.
Also the family secret keeper. Weirdly, the other day my Dad told me that when his generation is gone, I’ll be the matriarch. Which,yes, of course I will be, but I’m <30 so I pretty much still think my parents are going to live forever. Don’t want to think about them being gone someday. 🙁
This is a weird, weird month, and today will either make it much worse or more bearable. My grandma had a tumor removed last week, and her oncology appointment to find out the biopsy results is today. Either everything will turn out ok (though she might have to go through chemo), or we’ll get the bad news. And since I’m living with her and my grandpa right now, it just adds to the stress. I’m worried about her, but also I feel kind of selfish, because all I want to do is stay out of the house so I don’t have to deal with this 24/7. It’s rough on everyone.
On a lighter(ish) note, my grandma has now taken to telling me she just wants me to “find myself a man” before she dies, so that she can attend one more wedding. After I reminded her I wasn’t straight, she said “oh, a nice girl would be fine, too. I just want a wedding!”. At least she’s open-minded while harassing me about my love life!
I’m sorry, that sounds so hard. I’ll be thinking of you while you wait for your grandmother’s results.
As many virtual hugs to you and your grandparents as you might feel comfortable taking.
And woo! Grandma for her revised statement!
I just remembered a thing. Let’s have a “most bizarre experience with Male Entitlement thread.” Tell me about the funniest times men have decided that they know better than you, have condescended to you, have generally Been Men to you.
I was at Krav Maga this week, a martial art I’ve been taking for about a year (no belt or anything yet though). When we were told to find partners, I asked a new guy if he had someone yet. He said “No, but I do now!” and kind of patted my back?? Red flag #1.
We started doing punching drills and laughed a bit about how hard it is to remember to protect your face with your non-punching hand. It’s a precaution that’s easy to forget – for everyone. When it’s my turn to punch, new guy starts hollering at me “keep those hands up! Keep em up!!” every few seconds. General etiquette, in my experience, is to quietly remind or correct your partner if you see them making a mistake – not to be loud and embarrassing about it. But also, it’s his first or second night. He doesn’t know shit, but he sees no problem with loudly correcting me.
But, fine; it was a mistake I was making, so fine. I lost my patience entirely when he corrected me on something I WASN’T doing wrong. “You’re leading with the wrong hand! Start with your right!” In Krav you stand at an angle with one foot in front of the other (the left foot, for most people) and lead with the corresponding hand – again, your left. When I said “No, see, my left hand is my front hand, so I start with that” he responded “Yeah!” like I was affirming what he had said, rather than correcting him.
Add to that the patronizing way this COMPLETE BEGINNER said “good, good! that’s better!” whenever I landed a good hit, and I’ve never punched so hard in my life. Unfortunately I was hitting pads and not his face, but I could pretend.
I bet you could hit this jackass in the face a few times and get away with it. Giggle and say “Oopsie! Wrong hand again!”
I second this! Punch him the f*** out!
Not bizarre, but I once was driven to the point of extreme rage from a disagreement over the translation of a dish in a fondue restaurant in Switzerland. And by “disagreement,” I actually mean “was repeatedly corrected, talked over, and eventually yelled at.” For the record, I was indeed right, and no man was dumped in fondue, for which I would like my remarkable restraint applauded.
This is definitely not my most bizarre experience, but I went to yoga class last night for the first time in a couple of years (high fives self), and there was this guy there who Darth Vadered his way through the whole thing. And it wasn’t a difficult class! I haven’t been to a proper yoga class in two years so trust me when I say it was no thing.
I was really glad when the teacher asked “everyone” to quietly control their breath, because I was inches from yelling “OH MY GOD SHUT UP,” which probably would have wrecked the whole vibe, right?
I feel like that guy goes to basically every yoga class and it’s maddening. Did no one ever teach you how to breathe silently, sir?
Right?! Before my recent yoga break, my man and I went to a yoga class together every week for nearly five years. Darth Vader showed up in different bodies at least once a month or so. I think it annoyed mjoy more than it annoyed me, i.e. “Look, sir, there are only two men in this yoga class, please join me in being aware of our surroundings and bodies.”
I’m sure I could think of more bizarre examples if I set my mind to it, but right now all I can think of is this guy who came into my place of work yesterday, blabbing to his friend about how after he left his janitorial job somewhere, a woman got promoted to head of the janitorial department and if he’d just stayed longer he would’ve gotten the job. Like, just automatically assuming that he would’ve gotten the job instead of her just by being there. What.
I then asked him if I could help him with anything else and he said, “Yeah, but if I said it aloud you’d probably kick me out of here.”
FLAMES. FLAMES EMANATING FROM MY MOUTH AND ROASTING ALL THE MEN.
Some monolingual American cis-het-white man “corrected” my spelling of a French word. I asked at least 3 versions of “are you sure?” before asking how he had learned French. Which, of course, he hadn’t. And, of course, I knew that before asking. Then I revealed that I used to teach high school French.
He turned purple. I gave him no graceful exit. I was actually grinning in his face. I am evil.
You are perfect.
Seconded.
Je t’aime.
NB: I also do not speak French.
Moi, je t’aime aussi. (“Back at ya” in formal French)
I fence, and unfortunately, open bouting is often like 80-90% older white dudes. I really don’t like people who aren’t my coach telling me how I could have done better unless I engage them in the conversation (I’m far from a beginner, and usually if I care enough, I can figure out what I was doing wrong). I recently had an older guy there stop after a few touches and start patronizingly explaining to me everything I was doing wrong. I hadn’t warmed up before our bout, but I was so pissed that it warmed me up and I beat him handily in the next bout.
(Add experiences like this to the other older guy who alternates between creeping on me and rambling about how much he loves his wife and the younger guy who once told me he was “hitting females extra-hard tonight” and told a woman at the club who asked him not to hit so hard to “stop being such a girl,” and you have part of why I don’t practice so much anymore.)
Ugh, gross. Not mansplaining related, but fencing related, I was once bouting (sabre) with a woman I didn’t particularly like and wasn’t very good. My coach was a couple strips away, and we’d been working on a particular set of actions the prior week. the first three touches of the practice bout I got easily, the same exact way, showing myself (and my coach, who was half-watching) that I could. I then moved on to working on the stuff my coach wanted me working on, especially since I knew she was watching. Some of it worked better than others, and I ended up losing the bout, maybe 15-12. This woman was SO EXCITED she won, and was NOT gracious about it, but I wasn’t going to extend the interaction by explaining it to her. But then my coach came over, and then SHE explained to this woman that I’d been working on certain actions ’cause I was supposed to be, and politely but firmly squashed this woman’s inappropriate bragging bullshit.
It was LOVELY.
I went to a church singles barbecue a couple of weeks ago and had a horrible interaction with a guy that I already didn’t like. I was talking to a couple of friends, one got up to leave, so I turned to friend 2 to continue conversation. Douchecanoe came up and asked Friend 2 for a ride, interrupting our conversation, and tried to pet my dog, which Friend 2 was holding. She doesn’t like strangers and panicked a bit, wiggling to get away from him (at least she didn’t try to bite him?) so he laughed. Then he complemented my hair, I said thank you, and he said “a smile would be nice.” I was so mad, but held it together and instead of saying “I get to decide who I smile at, and I don’t feel like smiling at you” I said “I’m tired,” to which he responded “I can tell.”
What?! And then when I saw Douchecanoe again this past Sunday he again interrupted a conversation I was having with someone, demanding her attention away from me, then complemented my skirt (?) and after I said “thank you,” explained how important it is to only make compliments when you mean them.
This guy has done nothing to earn my respect, can’t even remember my name, and then gets upset when I don’t fall at his feet when he compliments my hair color or my skirt? Gets upset that I don’t smile and say “Hi” when I see him?
Blargh.
You are a kind person! I would have had trouble being that polite. Kudos to you. But this guy needs some re-training — it sounds like this man could use a timely “Why would you say that?” or two. That, or you could start complimenting various things about him, with varying degrees of seriousness — it sounds like he derives some weird ego-trip from giving compliments because he treats it as the chance to judge your appearance/attractiveness. Which is a mess. It might be nice to compliment some aspect of him/his clothing while making it sound as feminine as possible — he can’t call you on it since it is a compliment, and it will really bother him/make him rethink pestering you. Godspeed!
SCREAM ugh god that is THE WORST. (I also do krav, and have been fortunate in that the dudes in my class have all been very supportive (it helps that the #1 toughest, scariest student is a woman, I suspect) so I take this a little personally, haha) what possesses men to think they are The Most Expert after a single class of something is just… amazing. And their total imperviousness to being informed of their stupidity, too!
On the plus side, if your class is anything like mine, the instructors will beat that out of him right quick.
Oh my Godddd, I have had nearly this exact experience, down to it being in a Krav Maga class. (You don’t by chance live in the Research Triangle area of North Carolina, do you?) It is MADDENING. 99.9% of the people at my gym are fantastic, but every once in a while you get one of those dudes. Anyway, I am so sorry, this sounds infuriating and I hope you never ever have to partner with him ever again.
I don’t, I’m in New Jersey. I hope he doesn’t commit to it and drops out like most newbies do, but if he doesn’t I’m going to do my best never to partner with him again.
I’m reasonably expert in apocalyptic media. I will be speaking at my first con on the subject soon.
Yet as soon as men hear I’m into it they start explaining the most. basic. things. I’m talking… the definitions of post-apocalyptic basic.
wtf.
“Oh aren’t you cute.” ::turn on heel and walk away, *after* letting them see eye roll::
Owl Queen please do this and make sure someone is on hand to video their reactions and assemble it into a montage of pissed-off confused crying men for us please
so
1. that is deeply infuriating; why on earth would they think you’re shitty at the thing you are talking about?!
2. do you have anything written anywhere about apocalyptic media, by any chance? as someone who loves herself an irradiated wasteland actively hostile to human life, this is right up my alley and I am very interested.
Same, please share stuff for us to devour!
I blog over at incaseofsurvival.com but realy life too often gets in the way
OMG, pitch this to the Toast please? What is UP with all the apocalypses? Why do horrible dudes love them so much? Is it manliness? Is it 9/11? Is it an American thing? Why has zombie apocalypse prep and disaster prep spilled over into real life? Why are people envisioning a disaster where you’d need so many guns and weapons, instead of water purification, antibiotics, medical skills, and food gathering skills that DON’T depend on having bullets? Now that I’m thinking about it, they say “apocalypse” and “disaster” but it’s like they’re actually envisioning war…?
That’s so cool about your speaking engagement! I support the other commenters who also want to hear more about your apocalyptic media learnings.
Also men are terrible. And relatively expendable, civilization-wise.
I was talking to some tech-bro at a dinner party recently, and I started talking about my work (I’m a neuroscientist). He was asking a couple questions about this new(ish) neuro technique that’s been in the news recently (optogenetics, for those who may care) and was like “yeah, I heard that they’re going to start using that in humans really soon.” I started telling him about how that’s definitely something that people want to do but isn’t imminent and he basically cut me off and was like “no, I heard that it’s happening like, now.”
It was just so weird in addition to being frustrating because this guy knew next to nothing about the topic, but also didn’t seem to want to learn anything new. He wanted to show off his knowledge but when I tried to explain further he just shut me down. Ugh.
UGH YUCK STOP DUDE
Earlier this week, a man I know slightly overheard me mentioning to someone I know very, very well — and in the context of a family joke, no less — a medication I had been prescribed, and he interrupted my sentence AND MY JOKE, JOKES ARE TIME-SENSITIVE, GUY, to say “No, [medication] isn’t prescribed for [condition], you must have [long list of other things he speculates are wrong with my human body based on nothing],” then waited in cheerful expectation that I would reward him for his misguided, uninformed, deeply rude interest in my internal state.
I gave him the live-action version of a full Mallory tweet, a flat-affect, long-beat pause, then an absolutely flat “… okay,” before turning back animatedly to the conversation he’d interrupted. He acted like a dog who’d performed his trick perfectly but been given no biscuit.
I wish this were remotely bizarre rather than entirely par for the course
also if only this had happened in a social situation where it had been acceptable to punch him in the face if only
This is not bizarre by any means, but it’s been one of my first grown-up job experiences with male entitlement.
I’m scheduling interviews for my supervisor, and I call one guy to see if he can make it. He says he’s busy that day, and could I offer a different date? I tell him I’m sorry, no, these interviews are all being held the same day.
He goes off on me. Saying we should be sorry to be losing a great candidate like him, and he’s busy that day doing the exact same kind of job he’s applying for, so that should work out in his favor. Really aggressive and sarcastic.
After that I skipped off to my supervisor and told her that this guy wasn’t available, and that he’d been really rude. After I described the situation, she shook her head and said that if he acted like that on first contact, she’d be sure never to pull his resume for a position again. Screw you, entitled phone guy, you just shot yourself in the foot, and good luck getting a job in this (tight-knit) industry!
Oh yes! When I was assistant to an HR manager, it was part of his protocol to check my impressions. Amazing how many candidates (men, every one) were eliminated after Jim asked, Was he polite to you, Rose?
I was flying out of a small airport but for some reason the TSA line a like an hour long. As I’m getting up to the front of the line these two drunk bros come up to me and tell me they’ve been in the airport for hours but they didn’t know the line was so long and their flight leaves in 15 minutes. Clearly they had been drinking in the airport bar, from which the line was clearly visible so when they asked me if they could cut in front of me I said no. They literally said “awesome, thanks” and went to go ahead of me. You better believe I shut that shit down.
I think my *best* experience so far was when I had a man explain–over my repeated protests–what the word humanities means. Not only was English his second language, but I had only just told him that I had majored in….one of the humanities
2 things, Toasties:
Thing The First: thank you to everyone who gave me advice about my insane desire to do a Grand Romantic Gesture (propose?!?! nooooes!) at my partner. you all gave me some good points to consider and i did some introspection. we had a talk and made a couple of adjustments to our arrangement and *poof* all better! we have resolved both my need for novelty and my desire for security. the balance has been returned to the force.
Thing The Second: i got a new car you guuuuuuys 😀 thanks to the “How to Buy a Car Without Talking to a Human” article, i was spared most of the pain i’d always associated with car buying. i did have to sit at the dealership for a couple of hours but i had an appointment with a lady car sales witch who had red hair and tattoos and a salty mouth and with whom i had a pizza lunch while we bided our time. it’s the firs time i’ve ever had a brand new car and i did it all by myself and her name is Inky and i love her <3
Congrats on buying your first new car! I recently bought a car (I call it new, but it was used) for the first time, after having a passed-down old van for years. I wish I’d known about that article before I went! I ended up bringing my parents as a buffer for my social anxiety, which amusingly lead to the dealer assuming I was younger than I was, and living at home. I had to explain that nope, (mostly) fully self-sufficient, just wanted to have my parents with me!
Glad you love Inky so much. I adore my new car (her name is Moonshine), too!
Toasts, this has been a week. My 16yo nephew was diagnosed with lymphoma (still undergoing tests/scans to determine exact nature, results next week). This diagnosis comes with an extra-concentrated side of what-the-ACTUAL-fuck, because two and a half years ago his sister, then 16 herself, was diagnosed with lymphoma (she’s doing well, cancer-free for over a year).
One of the many, many, MANY cancer facts that we learned during niece’s experience was that if one kid gets lymphoma there is an increased chance for siblings to get it, too. But probability doesn’t always predict results, right? Really, DID IT HAVE TO COME TRUE. I can’t even imagine how it sunk their spirits when my sister and BIL heard that their son had cancer. And there’s another kid, thirteen now – they have to add fear for him to their stress.
Twice is too much. FUCK cancer.
Jesus, I’m sorry, that is such hard news.
I can’t even imagine whether it’s helpful to your nephew to have his sister’s experience to gauge his own possible experience by (with the encouraging example of her doing well now) or harder because he knows what might be coming, or some combination of those.
I’m sorry.
Oh no, how awful. Thinking of you.
I’m so sorry. That must be really hard. Sending good thoughts your way.
Hi Toasties! I survived having my nose rebroken while I was awake (which I think I mentioned dreading the last time I was here??)
It was different than I thought – a bone had collapsed and needed to be re-positioned, not like, a violent crack of the nose. It still was pretty sucky though!
A month out from my face being broken, and the worst seems over. Now I am just trying to get out of a mental funk. No one really picked up the slack of my position while I was out, and I have been cramming in days (while recovering from surgeries) to get a proposal submitted. My second summer semester started and so I am back working full time and take two classes. My injury was right before a scheduled vacation – so I missed vacation that was the one week this summer I didn’t have class. Just feeling resentful of my job and exhausted from my program (I am not even quite to having 1 of 3 years completed). We need to find a new apartment, and haven’t been having much luck, so the end of our lease is hanging over me. Now I am crying again, what a mess!
Hopefully this will all pass soon.
OH WHOA
YOU ARE LIKE A SUPERHERO OF FACE-SMASH RECOVERY THO
Dear Creepy Guy on the bus: you are fooling no one when you change seats after an attractive younger woman boards so that you can stare at her more easily. NO ONE.
Oh man. That was actually something i was thinking of the other day while walking to the subway. “Dude, just because the woman who passed you didn’t see you bend over to stare at her ass doesn’t mean the rest of the sidewalk didn’t see you. You are GROSS.”
ICK. This guy routinely boards and takes a couple minutes before sitting down and you can pretty much see him doing the assessment while he’s looking around. You can also see the “IGNORING YOU, ASSHOLE” thought bubbles floating above his targets’ heads.
eeeeeewwwwww how do some dudes have no shame
I am one of the first stops on my train in the morning, so there is enough space at that point for everyone to get their own seat. Last week a guy sat down next to me even though there were at least twenty open seats and I immediately stood up, asked him to let me out, and changed seats. Nooooope.
I was on the mostly empty train home last week and two friends got in and sat on either side of me! WHYYYYYY.
Once in a while, when I am reasonably confident I’m safe doing so (or when I am just Out Of Fucks, which happens more and more), I tell a blantant creepo, “We all see you doing that.”
Usually, they get pretty angry, especially when I don’t explain in response to their furious “WHAT? I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING?” because, dude, I don’t have to explain it. I saw it and so did everyone else.
That is beautiful.
hello y’all here is a question
I just graduated undergrad, have been looking for jobs in a city all summer, and was about to give up and move back to another city and live in communal apt with my friends, try to get a job of any kind and continue making art/freelancing/playing DnD and maybe also get a pet snake… and do grad school eventually? THEN two days ago I got a call from the Fulbright foundation and basically, I could teach English and spread American goodwill to a small Eurasian country for 9 months and get paid. I don’t know what to do!! should I take the prestige + money opportunity or do what I know will make me happy?
complicating factors: I’m gay + this small Eurasian country has a terrible track record re: LGBT issues; I have very few positive feelings about America to share; I’ve been out of therapy for 3 months and maybe should be going back but that wouldn’t happen if i went abroad
idk what to do, and some of you guys are older and wiser so please share your wisdom?
“should I take the prestige + money opportunity or do what I know will make me happy?”
My opinion: if you have a thing that you know will make you happy, and you have the ability to do that thing, definitely do the thing!
hmm that phrasing “prestige + money vs. make me happy” might just say something about your gut feeling here?
is there any way to defer the grant? this sounds like a decision that will be easier once you’ve had a year of a “regular” job & making art & hanging out with friends & doing therapy. my first year after college was pretty much spent hanging out with lots of friends and working a non-career type job and occasionally googling cool jobs or volunteer gigs or grad school programs I miiiight want to maaaybe do. and at the end of that year I was impatient with the job and my friends were starting grad school or moving away or setting down in town for good. something like a Fulbright opportunity would have been a really cool thing to have on the horizon at THAT point. but the end of college is such an overwhelming time to have to make yet another big life decision!
(ETA: no shame in turning down an amazing opportunity like a Fulbright. folks will ask “how could you?? once in a lifetime opportunity!! etc, etc.” heck, at 22 I woulda been shocked to hear someone didn’t take the big paying international job, and probably woulda said something dickish and then felt bad when they explained why. but you’re gonna make the next 9 months cool and worthwhile whether you go or not, and you’re not swearing off international travel/work for life or anything.)
It depends on your finances and your support network here in the states.
When I was your age, I had nothing. No money, no support network. Therefore, it was my policy never, never to turn down a paying job.
However, I do not feel good about your going overseas. Because you would be in a hostile (homophobic) environment. In addition to the usual stress of living overseas. Without your therapist.
On the other hand, it’s only for nine months and can only look good on your resume. So the question is, can you endure that long in a hostile, stressful environment. And must you?
I’m no help. But these are my thoughts and concerns for you. I am impressed that you are seeking advice instead of making a rash decision. Good luck and keep us posted.
I think Emily’s suggestion about deferring the grant might be wise. But if it can’t be deferred, then what about looking into other opportunities to teach English abroad? There always seem to be a bunch of places recruiting teachers for such programs. They might not be as awesome as the Fulbright program, but if it turned out that there were options that were, like 70% as awesome and that you could try next year if you still think it’s a good plan and that would let you go to a country with a better LGBT issues track record, then maybe knowing about those options would make the Fulbright program easier to turn down?
“I have very few positive feelings about America to share”
I don’t really see this as a problem, to be honest. It would probably make people feel a lot warmer towards the US if they realized we’re not all “USA # 1!!!!1!!”, flag-worshiping douchecanoes.
Your other concerns are totally valid, though, and I think I might feel very uncomfortable in an unfriendly setting without appropriate mental health resources if needed.
So, knowing that Fulbright is not the same organization as Peace Corps, I would say I learned a few things from my PC experience that might be pertinent (and I’m pretty negative on the general concept, but I don’t mean any of this to be negative about you as a person! Just about the situation you could be in):
1. Especially in former Soviet-bloc countries, local teachers of English may not be that effective at teaching at the spoken language but are often highly, highly educated. If you feel like it might be disrespectful to other teachers in your placement to have someone with an undergrad be in a position of power (which will be the default, as the American brought in to teach) while they (twice your age and with multiple advanced degrees) are expected to learn from you, that would be something to consider. It was something I didn’t know until I got there (I was picturing no resources for English teaching, where I would be better than nothing, not being expected to mentor other teachers).
2. In general, young Americans doing things abroad because they don’t have anything better to do at home really don’t seem to spread much goodwill (especially if they are in a group).
3. Don’t count on your organization to be supportive of any mental health issues while you’re overseas.
You do you but living in a communal apartment with friends and a job and art and DnD and a pet snake sounds like a fantastic first year after college to me.
MUSIC THREAD!!!!!
Because the new RATATAT and Tame Impala albums are out today! I’ve been streaming it through NPR’s First Listen and I love it so much. Midway through 2015 and this year has been great for new music, I’ve actually been buying full albums at a time rather than a few tracks here, a few tracks there:
– Father John Misty
– Courtney Barnett
– Sufjan Stevens
– RATATAT
– Tame Impala
– Best Coast
– Built to Spill
I find there’s years when I don’t really purchase a lot of albums, just scattered tracks. How’s your 2015 music year?
I am having a pretty good music year! My goal was to get back into going to shows again. I have been to 9 so far, which is more than I went to all of last year so I am doing pretty good. I saw Courtney Barnett a few weeks ago and she was awesome <3
My favorite new band I have listened to this year is SHEER MAG. Prob. going to skip a finance class and see them this fall.
I am getting back into buying albums, after mainly just streaming for a few years. Recently bought Hop Along’s record, which is amazing.
I got tickets to a concert in a couple weeks that has CHUMPED, Cayetana, and two bands I hadn’t heard of before, Worriers and Thin Lips. The common thread here? All lady-fronted or entirely-lady-composed punk bands! I’m super excited. I’ve seen Chumped live before and they rule. Plus it’s a pretty small, cool venue that sells PBR tall boys so yeah, I’m planning on having a good time.
Yes, 2015 has been good to me musically. This is my summer jam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsiN0W15w0U (Classic Man)
My summer jam is vacillating between “Good Times” by Jamie XX and “Rozes” by the Chainsmokers
Dessa is performing in Madison FOR FREE on August 21st and I have the evening off, nothing else matters.
Uuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhhhh, you guys, my rent is going up and I need a roommate. And yes, that’s the reality of the times, I’m lucky to have been able to live for myself this long in the area where I live, blah blah ungrateful whatever. I love living by myself, but the only way that’s going to keep happening is if I move way far away, and that would be even worse. Please, tell me your stories of perfectly acceptable roommate situations, where everybody was normal and still liked each other after living together.
I had a fairly random roommate situation turn into my best ladyfriend! We were acquaintances from college and hadn’t seen each other since then, but she happened to see on Facebook that I needed a roommate when she was moving back from Europe. We opened a bottle of wine the second she moved in and the rest is history.
I um, won’t tell you any other of my roommate stories. But that one was great!
Yay! I’m trying not to get my hopes up for us to be besties, but I’m kind of fantasizing about it a little.
Same! I moved in with a friend of a friend a few years back — we had met maybe 3 times before moving in together — and we are now super close and still living together.
I met my roommates via Craigslist and it has definitely worked out! We all three of us became pretty close friends and generally get along well. Admittedly, after 8+ years living with them I am now ready to get the hell out and occasionally entertain murderous thoughts, but we have lived together for a VERY LONG TIME so I think that’s understandable. When (or “if” please god) I split I am pretty sure we will go back to being more friendly/less on each other’s nerves but for the most part it’s been a good time.
I think Craigslist is going to be my route, too (the rent doesn’t actually go up until September 1, so I have time). I was looking at the ads, and there were actually a good number of people who seemed cool, so I’m not too worried, although I might round up the more ridiculous ones for a later open thread.
Also I guess if anybody knows someone looking to split a two-bedroom in Seattle (Ballard), let me know.
I’m in the best version of that setup that I’ve experienced thus far right now. The man I’m renting a room from and I are both introverts by nature, so it’s not a friends-y situation (which is hard for me as I am otherwise 100% alone in this stupid city), but we watch TV together on occasion, communicate clearly about things like cleaning/utilities, and keep things very mellow. I need to move for work and a sense of community, but I’ll miss this experience–I’ve had the bad roommate and been the bad roommate, and was relieved to find I’ve learned a lot from those experiences and was able to bring it all to this one in a positive way. I hope you find someone with whom you’re compatible!!
I too had this experience! The roommate I lived with and I had very little in common, as far as I could tell, but we were both perfectly happy doing quiet activities in our own space during the evenings. She was very nice, so we got along whenever we ended up chatting, and we were both good about communication for cleaning, utilities, and use of the one bathroom in the mornings.
I’ve lived with >20 different roommates and not one of them has been a maniac. Many were 100% normal, cool people, the worst of them were just mildly annoying (That probably means I’M the maniac, but it’s very unlikely I’ll respond to your ad)
The best roommate I ever had I found on Craig’s list. She was 5 years younger than me and an undergrad which gave me pause at first but it turned out that she went home every weekend, made no attempt to make college friends and didn’t know how to cook so basically she used her bedroom and the microwave. It was lovely for me but that poor girl.
I should say – I firmly believe that the majority of people on Craigslist are well-intentioned, mostly-normal people; I’m just not entirely confident in my ability to weed out the problem ones (the guy looking for a “cute single girl” to room with, though – even I know that one’s a terrible idea).
Just specify in your ad that you require Toasts and/or librarians or librarian students.
I had great roommates! No best friends forever type situations, but very civil and friendly and comfortable. I shared a 3 bedroom with a guy and a girl (actually two different girls over the course of about a year and a half) and it was lovely. The guy worked as a manager for a coffee shop, which meant he was always up for driving me to the airport at horrible morning hours since I was up anyways, and he always, always did his dishes immediately after eating (probably because he lived on peanut butter and jelly, but whatever). He was outrageously into basketball, but even so didn’t totally monopolize the television. The first girl had a somewhat dramatic love life, but was always good about vacuuming the living room and had a completely opposite bathroom schedule to mine, which was handy since we shared the bathroom. The girl that took her place was less dramatic in the love life area, but more social and generally fun to talk to and hang around, and she only scorched one of my pots once (easily solved by baking powder). Everyone paid rent and bills on time and generally cleaned up after themselves and helped keep the common rooms clean, and both girls I shared the bathroom with were always good about taking turns buying toilet paper.
I haven’t kept in touch with them, but it was a genuinely pleasant living experience, and I still kind of miss the sort of living situation where there’s always someone to check the mail when you’re out of town (even though I am all happily partnered off and nesting and whatnot).
Roommating is usually not at all bad! Most people I’ve roomed with have been lovely and interesting. Top tip, it helps to have a duration-of-roommating, at the end of which you can renew for another session, or sort of neutrally decide to move on with no recriminations. I can live with almost anything til a six-month checkpoint, but without that I might spend a full five months clenching my teeth and willing the person to vanish so I don’t have to throw hir out. (And by six months most things have worked themselves out anyway.) Most often everyone is happy to sign up for another six-month period but it’s great to have the built-in exit hatch.
When I started law school, I rented a place basically sight-unseen– I had peered in the window and saw the downstairs, but I didn’t know who my roommates would be or what my room would look like.
It was a side-by-side duplex, with three tenants on each side, and my roommates were two guys I didn’t know. (I’m a girl). Everyone turned out to be lovely, and we had a ton of fun. The guys I lived with were both terrific, and we were all pretty much on the same page as far as housekeeping, etc. I haven’t seen them in a few years now, but a bunch of us are still Facebook friends.
Is there a list of Toast FB/meetup groups somewhere? I might be moving soon, to a place which might have a few Toast readers, and I want to check if there’s a regular meetup of some kind.
This Toast Connections doc was made a while back, might let you find people in your area. There isn’t too much on the meetups tab though.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_26MiL9WN…
This is good and I would also recommend getting on the Twitter if you are so inclined.
Thank you! I am a little concerned about anonymity, otherwise I’d just post the place here. I haven’t been very discreet with my comments so far. 🙂
I was checking out that exact same thing. Where is the Bostan Toast group of my dreams??
there’s a facebook group!
Aahhh, so excited! Is that the Toastpin one or something different?
Hey, hey, dumb questions, how does toast twitter work? Just follow the people on the list?
*bows scrapes apologizes yet again for being dumb*
Weren’t there more people on that before? I’m so confused.
Gardening toasties, has anyone grown grapes? I’ve been watching the sun and the current plants in my new house this year before doing anything too major, and I have a pretty awesome sunny spot where I can run a couple of trellises north-south (and still have tons of room for an asparagus bed and black raspberries and a greens patch and I am overwhelmed by the space after apartmenting for 10 years). Some big trees came down a few years ago and totally changed the face of the yard. Based on what’s come up this year someone at some point in the past was trying to establish a woodland-shade garden, but that area is in full sun now and it’s more grass meadow, spider wort, and knotweed at the moment. I just want to grow two vines each of concords and niagaras, and I think it’s definitely worth trying in the spot I have.
I also dumped out my grow bag of yukon golds! I totally overplanted it, but I managed a few decent sized potatoes. I’ll have to weigh my wee yield when the sun is finished drying the soil off them, so I can brag about my pound of potatoes.
I’m trying to make neighbor-friends with the people who moved in down the street a couple of months after we did, and I am plying them with basil bouquets. I bought three cheap pots at the grocery store back in May and split them into a couple of window boxes and they are out of control. MrKat’s enthusiasm for pesto doesn’t match mine, and I am running low on freezer containers. I made a wrong guess about the sun patterns last fall and planted a garlic bed in a too-shady spot, so all but two of my garlic plants molded away.
So, fruit success stories? I messed up the spraying on this peach tree (maaaaaybe nectarine? they look the same!) we inherited with the property, and the fruit moths have taken over, so I’ll take the height down some more next winter and start again.
Hey There, Fellow Fruit Grower!
About 10 years ago, I planted two varieties of grapes: eating and non-eating/wine. (The wine ones were an accident, I actually wanted eating grapes). ANYHOO, they are thriving with very little help from me! I don’t spray, I fertilize with my horse’s newish poop every odd year (should be aged but I don’t want buckets of poop hanging around in my yard) and trim back only when the branches get out of control or in my way. Oh, and I’m always forgetting to water the damn things…!
Climate wise, I’m in the West Kootenays: four season weather, hot in summer and cold in winter (30+ C in summer, -10 C in winter). My vines are planted in direct sun and direct sun/partial shade.
I guess the takeaway is this: find a hardy variety that takes a minimal amount of care, plant that sucker in the sun on a sturdy trellis, and let the bears have a feast come Autumn (did I mention I never pick the fruit? Yeah, I’m a shitty fruit grower).
I have not grown grapes, but it is extremely common in my area for people to do so and make wine out of them. They usually have the overhead trellises which double as a canopy for seating areas. I’m in Southern New England, which is zone 6B, if that helps.
Personally, I have one strawberry plant that refuses to die, but also refuses to produce any fruit. Aside from that, I have like 7 tomato plants, since the ones from last year GREW BACK after I planted new ones this year (I had no idea they did that!) and a yellow squash plant that I thought was doing well, but I gently touched one squash that was about two inches long last night and it immediately broke off and proved to be rotten at one end. Whoops.
My family lives in New York (so hot humid summers, lots of rain) and the guy who owned the house before my parents planted a grape arbor in the back yard. The grapes are still going strong, 20 odd years later. We always had enough to make a big batch of grape jelly in the fall! I feel like we did very little upkeep, but I could be wrong.
Hello! So I rarely comment on here, mainly because I end up reading stuff really late when there are already 5,000 comments. But I am going to be in Montreal and then Toronto in August, travelling solo from the UK. Are there any Toast readers who will be in the area and would like to meet up/go for a drink/look around a museum/tell me why the fuck I decided to do this on my own?? I will be in Montreal 1st-8th August, then in Toronto until 13th August. I am a 29-year-old teacher from London and not a man.
I’ll be Toronto then! (I’m almost always in Toronto, I live here) And I would be delighted to do some sort of activity while you’re here
Cool! My email is [email protected], feel free to get in touch for a chat!
I’m in Toronto! My email is [email protected] if you want to get in touch.
My arm is now decorated. (Someone on another board thought they were peanuts, but it’s a maple seed pod)
Not deserving of decoration, other then a kick me sign, is my back which has gone out. Bad back, no cookies for you.
That is obviously a maple seed pod (well, I would have identified it as “those spinny tree seed things”), and is also gorgeous!
What a beautiful tattoo! And the drawing skills to get the shape, colour and feel of the maple tree pod are amazing! Love the 3-D effect, too!
Makes me want to get another tatty!
So obviously maple seed pod. That was my immediate thought: Why don’t I see more tats of those delightful spinning pods? They are so cool! And your tat is lovely, as well as cool.
Helicopters! I love those things. Killer tat.
Saw this last weekend; just leaving it here:
The helicopter is beautiful!
And as a separate comment. Does anyone have experience with rheumatoid arthritis?
Just that I was diagnosed 1 month ago so, not much experience yet!
Toasts I have also had a rough week. My landlords decided to replace windows in my building, including my vintage, original-to-the-building, last one left (and perfectly functional, I might add) stained glass. I arranged to save the glass but the workers were… not hearing the very clear words “We are saving the glass” and a great deal of it got damaged before I stopped them.
I know there are far more serious problems in the world but Toasts, this hurt my soul. Something beautiful and functional was destroyed for no reason and the replacement is very, very ugly.
Oh no! That’s terrible 🙁
Thanks
I’m so sorry! That sucks.
Thank you!
I also feel like I should apologize to my friends who have received texts this week that just say “all my feelings are window now” because I imagine it got irritating after the first one.
Also, do the contractors and/or your landlord not have any experience with architectural salvage?! In my town, those beautiful windows would sell for hundreds of dollars in a salvage shop and then hang artistically on the wall in someone’s loft or hip coffee shop. I’d prefer that you get to keep them since you love them, but it just seems to me a person who works with old buildings would have realized that destroying them was economically as well as aesthetically senseless.
I know, right!? I’m in Chicago and there are multiple stained-glass-specific salvage and repair shops around. I’d have thought that since my landlord is such an SOULLESS MONEY-LOVING CAPITALIST PHILISTINE that he’d be all over that but he wasn’t.
I don’t know what the contractors were thinking at all, but I know that the sounds of their raucous laughter over breaking glass will haunt me.
That is one of the worst feelings! Waste for no reason.
Girl, I feel this particular pain. I am in a beautiful set of 1927 bungalows, which were maintained lovingly…until we got a new owner. Who proceeded to paint them all the same atrocious puce color (they were all different pastel colors before, with white trim), painted our windows shut, tore out a 50 year old clematis vine, and is threatening to cut down a tree in the front yard. He’s a moron, with no sense of historical value or care, and it hurts to see how shabbily he treats our homes. I’m so sorry your home isn’t being cared for well, either.
D:
Oh, how I do feel your pain! I hate seeing beautiful old things destroyed just because the owner didn’t want them – or worse, like in your case, they just didn’t care. 🙁
Oh, something I’ve been meaning to ask people for a while. How much time is acceptable to whittle away on the internet while at work? I work for a contractor and have to charge time accurately to each separate project I work on, so I am super conscious of how much time I waste. After talking with friends about this, they assured me taking a 10-minute break per hour was okay…but is that right? That means a whole hour and twenty minutes of an eight-hour day would be not working. What guidelines do you all use?
I oversee contract workers currently, and here’s what I tell them: You’re not REALLY being paid by the hour from the company’s perspective. You’re being paid for a unit of work (e.g., to build a widget). Deliver that unit of work on time, do it well, and you’re free to take as many luxurious pee/gossip/tea/snacks breaks as you need. I mean, maybe let me know if you’re sitting around a shitload and still getting your work done, because ethics! but you know, don’t stress too much about it.
When I did hourly contract work myself, I could never gauge if I was “on time” because I was always grossly overloaded by default, so that logic didn’t really work. Instead, I just took what I needed to take to stay comfortable and energized and useful and didn’t worry about it overmuch. I figured I’d worry if I ever got any indication that what I was doing wasn’t working, but I never did.
Basically I think hourly work is shit and you should treat yourself humanely, whatever that means for you.
I’m a supervisor of hourly employees and I know they’re occasionally screwing around on the internet (I can see you liked that Facebook post five minutes ago, I’m not stupid and I accepted your friend request), but I frankly don’t care unless it’s excessive or their work isn’t getting done. As long as they’re accomplishing all their tasks, I’m not going to stress out about what they’re doing every minute.
My general emergency food is just “a banana” or “bowl of cereal” both of which I could eat as my primary meals for days straight and be cool (NOTE: I don’t DO this, and I love food; but if I wait for my stomach tell me to eat, meals are few and far between)
But if I am in need of a little more sustenance on short notice… on that’s when the pizzadilla comes in. Pasta sauce, shredded cheese and pepperoni between two tortillas, baked for 5-8 minutes.
Toasties, I am in limbo. My period is a week late after LITERAL YEARS OF CLOCKWORK-LIKE REGULARITY, but all home pregnancy tests I’ve taken in the last week have been negative. Limbo. LIMBO. If I AM pregnant, this child is Loki, and if I’m not then my body’s turning into one enormously cruel joke.
I was regular all my life, as well. Over the decades, though, there were maybe 4 exceptions, but no pregnancies. All 4 were times of significant stress. Once I was hiking, camping, tending horses and chickens, and changing 7,000 feet of elevation. Another was when I was moving a household and 2 small dogs 2,000 miles. Another was when I was mourning a sudden death.
Would you feel better if you asked your doc for a blood test? I want you to feel better. You deserve to feel better. ::hugs::
I called my doc earlier today and they told me to wait out the weekend and if I still haven’t had a period, we’ll do labs next week. So I will get my blood test then, if nothing happens otherwise.
I must say, my cycle has been all over the map since October and I’m going in the next couple of weeks to see why and hopefully also get an answer as to why I haven’t conceived again. My doctors keep telling me it takes about a year post-pregnancy for hormones to regulate themselves, and I have to say – I relate to the cruel joke thing, let me tell you. May your doctors be informative and your body be reasonable! Do you want hopeful stories about initial negative tests? Would that be helpful? B/c I do have a few that are not my own.
Periods change sometimes for different stages/decades of life. As well as stress, etc. Deep breaths, good luck with whatever turns out to be going on.
My emergency food is pasta! I normally have some sauce somewhere, or I can add pears/walnuts or pesto/tomatoes or just plain butter. I love pasta so much.
In anime news: I finished Princess Tutu last weekend and now I’m starting Kill La Kill. Its a little bit different than what I normally watch (magical girls is my fave genre) and theres quite a bit of fan service, which is annoying as a feminist and overwhelming as a tiny gay. PLUS EVERYONE IS ALWAYS YELLING ABOUT THINGS AND STUFF IS EXPLODING AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! my goodness, but I kinda like the show so far? I was promised lesbians, anyway.
I said on Tuesday I think if anyone wanted to ask geology questions to a clueless recent-BS-graduate student that I’d be willing to answer them as best I can but really I just wanted to geek out about seismology. Come geek out with me! 😀
KLK keeps getting described to me as “so tongue in cheek!” and “it’s so progressive!!!” and I’m like… (SPOILERS) the way Ryuko gets her suit felt reeeeeeeeally like an assault to me. But that might be just me. I like what I’ve seen, but it’s not my zomg favorite.
Also, geology yelling: I am realizing that I know woefully little about seismics! Give me all your petrology questions, your geochem, I can handle those, but I am super uninformed about seismology.
We are getting our newly adopted dog today and need some good names!! She is a quiet and calm medium sized dog with short dark, brindle hair. I like Genevieve (from a book my daughter loves), Eleanor, and Juliet so far.
I don’t think any of those fit her, and want more suggestions!
Just going off of dogs I have known: Panda, Cassie, Bailey, Peanut, Banksy, Bonnie, and Bear. I also think Wednesday would be a good name for a pup.
Ida B. Wells has been on my mind. Ida makes a good dog name and a good reminder of a strong woman for your daughter.
Sally Ride for the same reasons.
Penelope seems like a calm name to me, but it’s also a lot of syllables to call a dog…
My dog is named Penny! But I call her Penelope sometimes.
We obviously can’t decide without a picture. Or many pictures. All the pictures.
We don’t have any pictures yet 🙁 the shelter already took the pictures off their website and we didn’t take any when we went to meet her in case something went wrong and we didn’t get her. We won’t get her until tonight.
Well, share when you’ve got ’em, yeah?
Rosalind [Franklin]. You could call her Rosie OR Frankie depending on personality!
Hey guys,
I posted on the roundup a few days ago, but for anyone who missed it: I am done with the procedure, but I’m looking at about a month in a psych ward. Fortunately, I live in Sweden, so I get decent healthcare without having to worry financially.
My doctor is putting me on paxil, which feels… good, I guess? I wish I had the energy to write a really long update, but I don’t. Is it okay to just request good internet fluff to read and possibly gifs?
Sending good thoughts your way.
Happy to hear from you! Length of post is irrelevant. Give paxil a chance to build up. It may feel better and with more certainty a week from now. If not, talk with your doc. There are sooooo many drug options. Sorry you’re laid up for a month, but it’s wonderful that you have proper care without worries of bankruptcy (says the American with a chronically ill spouse).
Have you found a comic strip you like? One that entices you to read it’s archive? Gocomics.com has so many to choose from. One of my favorite ways to start a trip down an internet rabbit hole is to enter something like “silly” at Wikipedia and see where it leads.
Happy weekend and continue taking good care of yourself.
My tumblr is gifs and fluff and attractive people but sometimes interspersed with politics and anger, so I don’t know if it’ll help, but: farmerlauren.tumblr.com
I do not have gifs, but I can offer animals standing on capybaras: http://animalssittingoncapybaras.tumblr.com/
Most of my reading fluff tends towards romance novels, so that may not be much help at the moment. The Smart Bitches, Trashy Books F+ reviews of truly terrible romance novels are fun, though: http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/grade/f-plus/
Webcomics:
Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace & Babbage!
Hark! A Vagrant (Or, auf Deutsch, “Obacht! Lumpensack!”)
Order of the Stick
LARP Trek
The archives on those should keep you busy for awhile.
Hi, I’ve thought of you this week and hope things are smoothing out for you. Unreadaethel’s fluff list is great, I love all those and add Darths and Droids, a retelling of the Star Wars movies as a tabletop campaign. With increasingly good writing, if you go in from the start, and character development. But mostly the wrongness of it is the joke.
If Regency fluff was ever your thing, you may enjoy this ongoing newish serial, dry and not exactly LOL but sweet and warm and quietly funny.
Maru is my own comfort place. Maybe he can help you out.
Yo! I need to sublet my apartment on pretty short notice- does any one have any tricks or tips? Either for actually finding a subletter or for not letting anxiety over finding a subletter take over your life?
Related, if anyone knows anyone looking for a great place in Ann Arbor for the academic year please send them my way!
Short-notice usually means you’ll find somebody awesome who got shafted out of something else at the last minute and who will be INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL AND KIND. Fingers crossed for you, but I bet it’ll work out okay.
I dunno how Ann Arbor is on craigslist but flipping through the “rooms wanted” section (or whatever) usually yields at least a few people who are decent.
What part of A2, if you don’t mind my asking?
You might have luck asking around at restaurants (ZRoadhouse comes to mind; someone always needs a place) nearby.
SE of downtown about 1.5/2 miles. I think I’m just going to start asking around like crazy as well as posting it.
So after a couple of weeks of record-breaking heat, a thunderstorm moved in last night and dumped a ton of snow onto Mauna Kea
WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON WITH THIS WEATHER
on the plus side, I can go up and bring some snow down for the kids to play with
THUNDERSNOW
We get thundersnow more often than most places (lake effect ftw!), and it’s always creepy as fuck.
It can’t be creepier than sunshowers. Those things freak me the fuck out.
So, Toasties… I am thinking of moving from NYC to San Diego. Not any time soon! It would be probably 2.5-3 years before I can afford to move cross country, and I don’t have a job or housing lined up or anything… but I am feeling a little anxious about pulling the trigger and actually leaving the east coast. My best friend lives in N. Carolina and has theeeeee most adorable little baby, and it would kill me to be so far away, but I only see her twice a year or so anyway. Plus one of my favorite aunt-and-uncle combos are probably moving to SD in a few years, so I’d have some family nearby. I just don’t know an awful lot about the city.
Are there any San Dieeeeeegan Toasters out there? What are some of the worst things about living there? (I feel like I’ve read a LOT of “bests,” and the only “worsts” I can think of are Comic Con congestion, and the inevitable dropping off of the west coast into the sea one day.)
Do you drive? Own a car? You’ll need to in SD.
I have family in SD. They are very conservative. Maybe visiting them colors my perceptions of SD, but I know I’m not the only one who finds the culture heavily conservative.
But the weather is amazing! Seriously. I reconsider how much uptight conservative family and neighbors I can tolerate every time I’m there. The weather makes the sacrifice worth considering.
We used to live there (I was born there actually, moved away when I was 6 though) and my parents said it was very conservative.
The greater area skews conservative, but if you live near downtown (hillcrest, north park, etc.) it’s pretty damn queer. I say this as the child of a gay mom who grew up in one of the SD suburb cities, which have great schools but are incredibly dull. She moved downtown after we wwnt to college and is much happier!
I live in SD! Bad things about living here:
It feels very far from a lot of places. Flights are getting cheaper, but it’s still not as easy to get places as it felt like it was on the East Coast.
If you care about politics, you will likely be very alone. California is a very insular world.
I’ve found it very difficult to meet people here outside of my program. There are a lot of military guys and a lot of used-to-live-in-LA people and surfers, but none of those are my type.
The drought is real and it sucks.
It is EXPENSIVE. Housing is not cheap here, and it’s getting worse.
Overall, it’s been a nice place to live for grad school, but I’m an East Coast girl at heart. Life is slower here, and the weather is nice literally all the time, and I still haven’t adjusted after 5-ish year.
GYM PR threads!
I got a new mile time of 7:23! I’d love to get that down to under 7 by the end of summer.
Got a new 5 rep max back squat of 78kg (171lbs). Going to try for 81kg this weekend. I’m doing the Texas squat program which works on volume rather than 1RMs. Its doing wonders! (My “1RM” which hasn’t been tested since February is 85kg)
Wow! Awesome!
I had my first meet last weekend! I did well overall — went 3/3 in bench and deadlift and made respectable new PRs, failed my third squat attempt but did make a teeeeeny new PR on the second (literally 0.7 of a pound, IT COUNTS THOUGH) — but I came home feeling still pretty fresh, like I had left a lot on the table, and I’m feeling a little bit… hmm. Frustrated that that means I didn’t do as well as I was capable of, while also recognizing that it’s unreasonable to be frustrated about that and in fact I did a) awesome and b) probably pretty damn close to as well as I was capable of.
8/9 at your first meet????!!! INCREDIBLE!!! Congrats!
Thank you! I have a very good coach. 😀
I’m way late to the thread, but those lifts were all you and the hard work you put in, and very little of your coach’s influence (since he was both spaced out from his weight cut and lifting at the same time two platforms over). You are a powerlifter now, time to scrap all your old t shirts in favor of Wonder Woman and She-Hulk and Captain Marvel. 🙂
I could watch the Alaskan bear/salmon cam all day: http://explore.org/live-cams/player/brown-bear-sa…
This made my day. BEARS!
Toatstrons, my husband and I have finally started watching season 1 of Penny Dreadful. Last night, we saw both the episodes with Dorian/Ethan, and Vanessa’s backstory. Current status:
I am riding this crazy train to the very last goddamn stop.
YES GOOD.
(I really need to finish watching season 2, I got derailed by…something…)
Season 2 is amaazing. Like, I liked season 1, but season 2 is what made it appointment watching.
YES. I’m loving it so far. Had to stop watching it when my traveling kicked into gear this month, but I hope to finish Season 2 next month!
So ever since that “just” article, I’ve noticed that I do, in fact, say it a ton, and I’m trying to excise it from my professional vocabulary, at least when calling customers. I’m not “just” calling to get some more information about your stove, I’m calling to get some more information about your stove, this is a valid use of your time and mine.
Related professional goal: figure out what I’m going to say in voicemail messages *before* calling customers.
Scripts for voicemail messages have turned me into a legend in my library. (Possible downside to be aware of: now everyone leaves all the phone calls to me.)
See, I’m usually great on the phone, very professional but still friendly, etc (Starbucks is the best customer service training in the world). But if I’m not prepared to get somebody’s voicemail, I um and er and trail off in the middle of sentences and it’s embarrassing.
I often have the opposite problem, expecting to reach voicemail, and then not sure how to answer questions in response to the message I was going to leave.
Oh, I do that too. It’s pretty much whichever one I’m prepared for, I get the opposite.
Toasts, I need your wisdom! Three of the nieces (my husband’s, technically) are here with their mom and dad for a few days. It is great because I like them all a lot BUT many of the activities we had talked about are outside things and it is going to be sterilizingly hot this weekend. We can still do some of these things (we have lots of caves here! perfect for escaping a hot day) but I would like some easy indoor activities for the blistering afternoons that are not watching a movie if anyone has suggestions. The girls are 5, 7, and 9 and are capable of getting along together but are also good at doing things in the same room but solo. Our house is very small and they are staying in a nearby hotel, so ideally indoor things that don’t take up a ton of space.
Do they like games? My family has been playing Quiddler with my nephew for years. He’s 10 now and actually pretty good at it. It’s like Scrabble but with cards, so when he was littler there would be lots of shuffling cards around, holding them out to everybody, and asking “Is this a word?” Adorable and educational! He’s also a puzzle fiend. Or the classics: Candyland, Sorry, that kind of thing? Baking projects? Have fun!
Those are some perfect ages for drawing/painting. Put down a tarp or old sheet, give them good paper, brushes, and washable paint. Preserve kid clothing with your old tee-shirts tied in the back to take up volume. Add encouragement. Done.
You are such a good, thoughtful auntie!
Do you have a backyard and if so maybe consider a friendly waterballoon fight?
Maybe look up kid-friendly card games online? I feel like 5 is probably too young for much more than old maid and go fish, but 7 and 9 might be old enough to try hearts, rummy, cribbage, etc. And you probably already have standard playing cards, so you wouldn’t have to go out and buy anything. But the internet is probably better than me at knowing what games suit what ages.
For both board and card games, I remember when I was a kid sometimes the youngest kids would play on a “team” with an adult. Often that was for Trivial Pursuit, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work for other games, and it might be a good way to let the younger girls participate while letting the rest of you play something more engaging than Candyland.
When my daughter was that age range, we got this stuff http://www.michaels.com/search?q=glass%20paints from Michael’s and painted yard-sale glasses any old way she wanted. The specific product I got said on the back that you could “set” the paint by baking them in a slow oven. We did that, and have used the glasses just about daily over the last 3(?) years with regular trips through the dishwasher, and the paint looks just as great as on day 1. Protip: cover your dining room table with newspaper before beginning.
Paper bag puppets (and subsequent puppet show) were always my babysitting secret weapon. Plus paper for impromptu drawings. Add a mix of random stickers, maybe some googly eyes and some pom poms, and you’re set for hours.
Get them busy and involved with food. Make no bake cookies, a fancy fruit salad that takes a lot of time to prepare (like, have one girl scooping the watermelon into balls, one girl hulling the strawberries, one girl setting a “fancy” plastic party tablecloth…just, a silly for no reason special occasion. Make ice cream if you have an ice cream freezer (sometimes the electric ones are at the thrift store)
They might still be fancy tea party age, in which case, you could decorate little cupcakes or build an elaborate cake together.
Things like polymer clay jewelry are cute and still pretty easy for kids, although you’d have to help the little one. A better craft might be necklaces, pretty, sparkly, don’t take much space or dexterity, and they could either all go with you to the store to pick out beads or you could just sweep up a bunch on clearance at Michael’s craft store and spread them all out on the table. Beads will occupy them for days. The older one could do friendship bracelets, or if they haven’t done them yet, those rubberband bracelet looms. Any sort of craft for kids kit (but I’d avoid the sewing ones, those are the most problematic) is a great idea, all the pieces are there and they usually include the glue, too.
Thank you for all the excellent suggestions! I pitched a couple of possibilities to the girls and we are going to go to the farmer’s market this morning, pick up squirt guns (their hotel has a pool, yay!), and they loved chiaroscuromom’s suggestion of doing the special glass paint so we’re each going to do a special glass and a storage jar (mason jar).
Ticket To Ride is a great game that kids and adults can enjoy!
Happy Friday!
I’m going to Montreal with two friends for four days in August. We are staying in an airbnb apt in Mile End/Plateau. What should we do? Where should we eat? (Sadly we cannot eat poutine, but other vegetarian suggestions are very much welcome!)
Commenting so I see the recs! I’m going for Labor Day weekend.
… Not even vegetarian poutine? La Banquise has veggie gravy and I really can’t recommend their La Taquise poutine highly enough (it has sour cream and guacamole and tomatoes, which sounds ridiculous but is DELICIOUS)
It sounds amazing! And I googled it, and it looks amazing. My verbatim thought when I saw the picture: “I need that in my life.”
Edit: Sadly I will have to make do for myself, because I am nowhere near Montreal.
I will write it down for my two friends who would eat vegetarian poutine! None of us are actually vegetarians, but we all keep kosher (so no meat gravy). I, however, am also lactose-intolerant and allergic to soy (which tends to eliminate most vegan cheese as well). Dietary restrictions are the worst.
My emergency food is yogurt and variations on yogurt. I keep a big bottle of strawberry kefir in the fridge at all times, it’s a perfect “bridge” for when I get home from the gym but still need to cook dinner. And plain yogurt can be made fancy with honey and whatever Costco-bulk nuts I have in the freezer.
FYI, Britney Spears’s “Lucky” turned 15 this week! In its honor, I went back and listened to some vintage Britney, and eventually ended up on “Autumn Goodbye,” the b-side to “…Baby One More Time,” which I had not listened to since I played CDs on an Walkman through old computer speakers in my bedroom. It was as good as I remember, but also shockingly dated in its production. Talk to me about your favorite vintage BritBrit!
Can some of Librarian Toast tell me about what that’s like? I went to an info session on a MLIS program this week and they were very upbeat about the state of the industry, but I’m not sure that’s true. Also, would like to know more about the day-to-day of various different kinds of librarying. Help?
The industry is doing pretty well! The full time job market is not. The skills we’re shortest of in my area (public libraries, Chicagoland) are fluent Spanish-speakers (or other locally necessary languages) and technology skills.
Public librarianship is like 60-90% technology skills at this point – using technology, teaching patrons how to use computers, teaching patrons how to use devices and apps and all that good shit. I actually love this, but it’s not something the MLIS programs play up nearly as much as they should. I work in a smallish public library as an adult services librarian and my day is usually something like:
*spend the morning on desk, helping patrons with summer reading/computer and printing issues/photocopier issues (FUCK THAT PHOTOCOPIER, THO)/a little readers’ advisory or reference if it’s a particularly good day
*after lunch, call fifteen people about program recommendations/fees/disaster stories
*re-stock book displays
*scheduled meetings with patrons to teach them how to use our ebooks/e-magazines/the new tablet their kid got them for christmas and didn’t explain (usually 1-3 of these a week)
*read through a journal’s worth of book reviews to see what we should be ordering
*some other kind of large ongoing project (digitizing newspapers, overhauling the website, convincing my boss that UX testing is a thing that should happen ever)
Ah, this is good knowledge to have! I like the way you describe your job. I think I could do that. MLIS so expensive though, wow. Thank you for sharing your experience!!
That’s pretty dead on in my experience. I work in a mid-size to large suburban library and spend most of my time working the seniors. I would emphasize that patience with oftentimes seemingly irrational and difficult people is critical. You will be asked and accused of all sorts of things and developing good coping mechanisms for that stress took me a few years.
From where I stand (in a large university library) the money seems to be in electronic resources: multi-media, online resources; metadata specialists. etc.
That makes sense. Do academic librarians feel pretty safe from all the cuts in higher ed? That’s kind of a scary place to be for students/teachers but I wonder if it’s the same for libraries.
No one feels safe. 🙁
:/
I know all of my Open Thread posts for the last few weeks have been about Fury Road, so sorry for yet another one, but it’s in my head all the time. Quick plea for help: I swear that at some point in the last few weeks, possibly while browsing Tumblr, I saw a thing that gave a brief guide to the Max Max series, with a focus on how very gay the original films were. I can no longer find it and it’s driving me mad. It was similar in format to this – picture heavy, and I think the font was Comic Sans. Anyone?
In other news: I am halfway through the three months meant for doing my dissertation, and have done very little so far. It should be really interesting, but there’s so much stuff to read and I get a bit paralysed by panic. What are your tips for getting on and doing stuff?
One of the things I would do at paralyzing-panic times is something administrative that was related to my thesis – formatting, citations, organizing readings, etc. as a low-pressure way to feel like I was at least getting something done. More often than not, once I’d gotten over the “aaaaaaaaah there’s too much where do I start I can’t do this” hump, I would find myself engaged again and actually be able to do some reading/writing.
The other thing that helped was setting time limits, rather than accomplishment limits. Instead of saying “I’ll work until I get to 10 pages” I would work for a set time (usually 45-50 minutes) and then after that, no matter how much or little I’d accomplished, I would get up and do something totally different for 10-15 minutes. That way if I was having a panicky day, I wouldn’t be stuck in my chair for hours forcing myself to try to write.
Thank you! This is helpful; I’ll try to put it into practice.
I wish I could help you on the Mad Max front because I would desperately love to read that!
I’m so sure it existed! But no luck so far, and using search terms like “mad max series gay queer pictures” can bring up some slightly unsettling results.
I can’t help you with the source look-up, but I recently watched the first and second Mad Max and holy crap at least Road Warrior was hella gay.
Guys, I heard on NPR this morning that Clueless is turning 20 years old this weekend and I just canNOT wrap my head around that.
Noooo how did it (and I) get so old.
An oral history of Clueless was just released! I’ve avoided impulse-buying it so far but I will probably give in this weekend. http://books.simonandschuster.com/As-If!/Jen-Chan…
Now I well and truly feel 40.
Between this and my “baby” brother attaining legal drinking age next week, I feel like I’ve officially reached withered cronehood.
I’ve been sitting on this sad news for a while, but now it’s official: The Fella’s day job, a beloved local business we both love and value and worked hard to bolster for a decade (even longer for him), is closing next month. He’s been preparing for this day and he has a plan in place, which is great. But he had to release the owner’s statement this week and field the (not always sensitive or graceful) outpouring of commiseration and dismay on social media and in person, and it’s been an exhausting, heartbreaking week.
So, a month from now, The Fella will be working from home, alongside me in our tiny apartment. On the one hand, YAY, getting to see more of him! YAY, him having more time to pitch and write and, I dunno, sleep and eat, which are not things his current schedule is exactly bursting with. I think this is going to be great for him, and for us, eventually.
On the other hand, I think the adjustment period is going to be stressful, especially for me. I require a lot of alone time; he does not. I don’t know exactly where I’m going to carve it out. It’s doubly important that I do, though; most days, I wait for him to head out to work before I can concentrate well enough to really dig into writing. If he’s not going out, that schedule is, uh, well, you see the problem there.
Let me be clear: I am not looking for advice. Like him, I knew this day was coming, and I have some plans in place. I’m just expressing my concerns and maybe drumming up some sympathy.
I was gathering (from fb) that something like that was going on. I’m sorry, it must be so disappointing. I am sure you will figure out how to deal with the new dynamic though; you are wise.
I LIKE YOU
HOORAY I LIKE YOU ALSO
That sounds like a difficult transition, yeah. You have my sympathy in advance for having to suddenly deal with additional Other People Time, and I’m sorry to hear that a beloved local business is closing. Let us know how the new situation goes!
I’m in Las Vegas at a tiny little fan convention! I wrap up my July traveling (god, so much traveling) next week.
So Hi! Bye!
We miss you! Have a lovely time. You were mentioned today in the quest for undergarments when bloomers came up.
It makes me happy in my cold, bitter soul that I am known on The Toast for gifs and underwear. I don’t need to achieve more than this in life to die a successful and happy person.
As some of you may know, we’ve been applying for residency for my partner. Well yesterday we got an email saying IT HAS BEEN APPROVED!
It’s just online at the moment, so we’re holding off telling people ’till it’s more official, and definitely not a mistake, but I am optimistic that it’s not a mistake. I’m feeling pretty happy right now, just wanted to share.h
Another weekend has come, and I realize I have no plans other than to eat ice cream, read books, watch tv, and hide inside from the heat.
That is an excellent plan, I support this plan in all its details.
I shall be your internet double, on another part of the continent. Minus the ice cream probably.
No plans other than rock solid awesome plans, you mean?
I am also a Rochester toastie and am definitely interested in a meetup! No clue how these things work, but both coffee and booze are delightful! I’m not originally from here and most of my time in Rochester thus far was spent as an undergrad so I will happily defer to other people’s suggestions as to what places are good since I’m mostly just familiar with the UofR/White Coat area.
Design blogs and magazines would be a lot more useful if they didn’t always show huge rooms flooded with natural light. Who needs help making THOSE look good? I want a slide show titled “Best Paint Palettes for Small, Dark Dining Rooms with Ugly, Wide Closet Doors”
So, who has recommendations for choosing paint colors for small rooms that don’t get a ton of light? Or websites that will give me good advice? I want to paint the living room and dining room of the condo that we are buying (!!). I am utterly new to all things interior design, and also need to choose fast, since we’re closing next Friday and moving on Aug. 17. So painting needs to be done before then.
If it helps, the living room has bay windows at one end that face north. Dining room has one small window and one of the longer walls opens onto the living room; the other one is partly taken up by the aforementioned closet. (It used to be a bedroom, I think.)
Grateful for any suggestions you wonderful Toasties might have!
I am not super-great on this stuff, but I have a few rooms like that. One is now orange, which is not a color I’d ever think to paint a room, but it gets this really cold blue light in the winter, so it works. The others are white. Off the top of my head, a warm yellow might work well, too. Maybe ditch the ugly closet doors and hang a decorative curtain over the opening? We have ugly doors and they’re hard to dress up.
Final suggestion: artificial light! Upgrading fixtures and using the right color bulbs can really help. I’d go to a light store for advice on that.
Go to the paint store and get the Giant paper samples (sometimes you have to ask) or the tiny jars of the colors that make you happiest. Apply Giant paper samples with tape or paint 6″ square patches of color to all three walls and check on them throughout the day. This will give you a good sense of what works and what is hella bad. It’s totally worth it. I do this every time I repaint and it really works.
Good luck! It’s so exciting that you are buying a condo!
Oooo! Did not know there were giant paper samples! Thanks!
Thank you so much! That is a really good idea.
Woo! Congrats! I’m hopefully closing at the end of the month too! I would second upgrading the lighting. Maybe add in some mirrors? I’ve been skimming apartment therapy lately. A lot of their posts are the huge rooms with tons of light but some of them aren’t. Some of the kitchens especially tend to be small without a ton of light which may help?
Yay, congrats to you too!! And thanks.
North light will be bluer on sunny days than south light (because blue sky), and you’ll probably get more light on overcast days than clear ones. I’d avoid blue colors on the walls (unless you live in a hot climate, in which case maybe blue would be nice!)
Lighting will make a big difference- try light ceilings (frankly “ceiling white” was probably made for your spaces) and light fixtures that put light on the ceiling- it will make them feel taller.
Sherwin Williams has an app where you can upload photos of your room and try out different colors. You will still need to get physical samples and look at them in the space because computer screens lie about color.
As for ugly closet doors- you can paint them too, or if you’re not planning on using them much, you could hang drapes in front of them as a faux-window thing
Congratulations on the condo!
Don’t forget about mirrors. A small room with just one 2-foot by 3-foot mirror suddenly feels bigger. It also multiplies any light in the room. Of course, bigger or more mirrors increase the effects.
And I second thebellewitch’s suggestion for a curtain over/in place of closet doors. The room will feel larger without that hard surface. The fabric softens the feel. Cheap curtain panels are always available at Sears. Though I hate Sears with the heat of a thousand suns, I go there for curtains when I’m short on time. Otherwise, I wait for some other, any other retailer to have a sale. Just keep in mind you want to avoid blue colors and stick to warm or light colors with a soft look. Nothing shiny or harsh.
Empty nest advice? My baby somehow managed to turn herself into an accomplished woman overnight and in 45 days (not that I’m counting or anything) she will be going away to school. And I just can’t even. She’s my pal, my partner in crime, my person who is always up for going out for coffee and who laughs at my stupid jokes and who when I texted her that emotional labour article replied with “YES! #fistpump”. I’m so proud of her and so happy and excited for her because she’s going to have an amazing time. I don’t want to be one of those parents who sits by the phone starving because what if I have food in my mouth when she calls. What do I do?! Advice, experience, anything would help!
No advice – I’m pregnant with my first now. But I hope to be half as awesome a mom as you that I can have such a good relationship with my kid when s/he is a teen/young adult. Mazel tov on creating a home/family where such closeness can flourish.
Oh, Lorelai. Everything will turn out fine! Rory will have a great time at Yale, and she will come home to visit often!
Congratulations on A+ parenting. I am in awe.
You need 1) mature adult friends and 2) a time-consuming hobby. You can do both at once by joining a group that meets regularly to do that hobby together, like a hiking club. Or a weekly volunteer gig that includes chitchat with the staff, like walking dogs at the animal shelter. But the weekly gig must be paired with something time-consuming. Are you the type who could lose track of entire afternoons with rug hooking or gardening or bicycling? The net result is a happier enidnotrebecca who contributes interesting topics of conversation when her daughter calls or texts from school.
I love RATATAT! At 31, I feel like I’m too old to be listening to them but I think their music just fits any mood and any occasion.
I work nights so I don’t get to see a lot of shows, but I got to see Jenny Lewis at a free outdoor concert last month and she was AMAZING!!
Lesbians and women-partnered women of the Toast, do you have kids? If you do, what did the non-birth mother have to do to be recognised as the other parent? I would really like to hear from people who didn’t use official sperm donors in a clinic, if there’s anyone here who asked a friend to be the donor or something like that.
I’m NOT ready for kids yet, but we’ve both started to google the options… We’re not in the US, so I’m not asking about the legal details, really, more the psychological stuff? Like, did you have to prove to a social worker that you’re a competent, normal human being who is totally able to be a parent? How did the process feel to you, did it feel like you made your own decisions or like the doctors decided for you? That kind of stuff.
I’m no help at all. I want to tell you what I’m thinking, though. The fact that you’re thinking about these issues puts you waaaay ahead of too many people for whom parenthood is an accident or a default. You’re going to be a wonderful parent and your future kid(s) will be lucky to be yours.
I am late to this and unfortunately can’t really answer from the perspective of having done this, but my partner and I plan to have kids using a friend-donor in the next couple of years. We’ve talked to some people who have done it, in the course of doing our own research.
I’ll be the non-birth mother and I’m completely fine with it. If I hadn’t ended up with a woman, I wouldn’t be having my own biological kids anyway, because I’ve known since I was little that I did not ever want that. It’s my understanding that (ASIDE from the legal agreements with the friend-donor) the process is as simple as obtaining sperm from a friend (via FedEx, via walking between rooms in the same house, whatever), inseminating, then going ahead with any resulting pregnancy in exactly the same way a het couple would. I am also lucky in that I don’t have to worry about legal differences in marriage/adoption, as I’ll be able to second-parent-adopt the kid the same way a step-parent would.
Anyway, I don’t know if that was at all helpful. But from the people I’ve talked to, I get the impression that the legal issues are the main (only?) thing that differentiates the process from any other pregnancy.
Toasties, I am having a rough week:
1) I finally changed my last name after getting married two years ago, and I’m feeling all sorts of displaced about it (even though my former last name is now my middle name…which helps).
2) My boss has been on this “calm” kick, which means that she’s been pushing my buttons and my co-workers’ buttons and then acting smug that we’re upset, and she’s “calm”. I really REALLY hate my job and my awful commute, but don’t know where else I’ll be able to find a schedule that is both flexible and predictable like what I have now, which I desperately need for grad school.
3) I’ve seen my parents (strained relationship) five times in the last two months, which is WAY TOO MUCH OMG and I have to see them again in August.
4) I’m also 1500 words into a 3000 word paper that’s due in five weeks, and I hate every word of it, and don’t know how to fix it. Flannery O’Connor + Baudrillard’s Simulacra = All of the Tears. It’s for a professor I simultaneously adore and am terrified of, and lit theory is his favorite thing ever, and I am so scared that I’ll fuck up my grades with a subpar paper for this one damn class.
Just…a lot of psychic fuckery going on up in here. Ugghhhh. What does everyone else do when the abyss isn’t just staring back at you, but is also making rude faces?
2) WTF is wrong with your boss, Jesus Christ. I’m sorry she’s being shitty to you. Hateful jobs are bad enough without dickface managers.
Thank you–it’s been horribly frustrating.
There’s a special circle of Hell reserved for managers who deliberately make their employees’ lives and jobs more difficult. They have to constantly fill out paperwork, only to have it erase itself as soon as they’re done. Also they get constant papercuts, and somebody appears every so often to make fun of them for not having finished their paperwork yet.
3) I have a positive relationship with my dad and a strained one with my mom (they are divorced since forever) and seeing them that often would make me LOSE MY FUCKING MIND, omg. Don’t push yourself too hard. Can you bow out of the August visit? Can you budget at least two days on either side of the visit to prep and recover?
4) I understand, I do, but also grades are not going to create nor ruin your life.
When the abyss is biting its thumb at me, I mostly just read tumblr and watch escapist media. If that’s useful, I can share sources.
Jedi hugs for you.
I wish I could–it’s her 60th birthday, soooo…the fallout from me not being with her would be worse than going, ergo. Thank you for the grades reminder. 🙂
this one at least I can help with!
4) make a list of some specific questions/troubles, or just write out what you think your thesis is and think through the problems you’re having with it, and then write the professor and ask to meeting office hours. It should help a lot (and he will be very happy that your questions are so specific and you are so prepared)
good luck, hope the paper turns back into being interesting/fun again soon!
Bless you–that is exactly what I’m going to do!
I want to announce to the world I signed up for a roller derby bootcamp, which starts in a few weeks. I am going tomorrow to local skating store to drop lots of money on gear to start practicing before, because I haven’t skated at all in years and don’t want to suck too badly. We’ll see how this venture goes!
This sounds AMAZING!!!
I’m hoping to go to a workshop to improve my professional skills, but all of them seem to be in Europe, and I have no $ for travel. I have two more weeks until the application deadline and idk why, but I feel like I really, really NEED to do this. I’ve spend the last 8 months in a soul-draining teaching job, and now that it’s almost over I want to get back into research, which I am actually good at (as opposed to teaching or anything involving being nice to entitled, rude teens). I feel like with the plethora of funding agencies and foundations out there, there has got to be a way for me to get a grant or something to to go this workshop, but I can’t find anything. It’s frustrating 🙁
I’m am to be in my sister’s wedding,in October, and I received the bridesmaid dress. It is god-awful. Not on purpose,either. It was that online trickery, not bridal bitchery. It’s pouffy and hellish (supposed to be a sleek A-line) and it won’t zip over my boobs.I have re-joined the gym and gotten a Fitbit, because I am a crocheting sloth with an oversized chest. If it don’t fit, I must have quit! Ah, I love a pun!
Anyway, did you know, my Fitbit brethren, that wildly gesticulating counts as steps? Because it does! Rejoice, those that talk with your hands! Rejoice! And, eventually, raising a wine glass counts as one, too. Work it!
Not for the slender of budget, but a tailor can improve that dress. Not sure if she can smooth the poofiness, but she can almost certainly make an addition to the back seam/zipper area to accommodate boobage. No harm in asking a tailor’s opinion and getting her price estimate. Best wishes to your sister on her impending nuptials and props to you, Spewingllamas, for being a good sister who agrees to bridesmaiding. You’re a braver woman than I am.
With RoseCamelia about the tailor! I even had a tailor once take a look at a dress and tell me he didn’t think he could do anything with it and didn’t charge me to take a look. Also, be aware that many tailors are cash or check only, at least where I live in the northeast. That was a surprise!
Everybody is right about a tailor, but a seamstress would be even better if you can find one. The distinction is not about the gender of the person doing the work (though that often corresponds), but about whether they specialize in dresses versus pants and suits. Seamstresses are usually fantastic and you can find them on-line.
I guess I didn’t know there was a difference!
Yes, what hellebore said. Seamstresses are better for us curvy folk. Better yet would be a *dressmaker*. These are rare and more valuable than rubies. Good luck.
Thank you all for your suggestions! There is a seamstress in my town! I am so excited, and I hope something can be done.
this is a day late, but for good reason…!
I have acquired KITTENS. They’re sisters, a tortie and a siamese. They have been Named. Capt. Cat-thryn Janeway and Impurrator Furiosa Pye, or Janie and Pye for short.
They are perfect.
Hello toasties! I was waffling over whether to post/whine this week, and had decided not to, but if anybody’s still reading, I could use some mojo!
First, the good news: there is a job available that I will apply for tomorrow morning. It’s with the local parks system too, and would not require moving.
Also, I have the pool perfect, and it is full of middle school girls, and there will be a sleepover. But a nice clean pool is a lot of work and it’s been 60 and or flooding all summer.
Okay, now for the stress.
So, flood of the century on tuesday, my basement flooded, it wasn’t too bad but I rent and I’m afraid that the landlord doesn’t think the wet mildewy drywall is a big deal but I disagree and would otherwise just replace it myself (there is an understanding that I do house updates and they pay for it, that is cool, but) there is electric in the wall, so this is going to require finessing of landlords, and meanwhile, the dehumidifier.
The kid goes back to college in 1 week? hopefully 2? Nothing is settled. We did drive to the school on Wed and clear a few things up but he’s been at his dad’s since then. I am not handling him ignoring me/pushing away very gracefully. I’m pretty darn weepy. and worried. It was good we went, his girlfriend’s parents decided to not pay her tuition so the trip was really about getting her to the financial aid office and explaining student loans to her. So, a bit of stasis? At least, as far as I know, they are both going to college.
three: my mom is having knee replacement surgery on monday. I hate my mom going in the hospital, i’m getting to the age where other people’s moms are dead, and well, as much as I will support her i’m worried because her not being independent and being able to drive/ do crafts/housework/etc will probably frustrate her. And I don’t want to see my mom frustrated or in pain, even though we know this is the right time and the right step to take.
four? My sister in law has a demon mother and is i dunno late thirties? and she’s getting supar medical care, that, combined with “doctors are gods” syndrome and “girl parts are icky, my mom said so” fear and fertility issues and anemia…well, they are pushing a hysterectomy and she is not the sort of person who will advocate for herself. I spent some time talking her through a crisis last month only to have my mom call me hysterical because she is having the same crisis again and my brother is asking for prayers and my mom is urging me to “say something to him, he doesn’t understand how doctors take away women’s power, and he has to be her advocate”. So I emailed, with backup medical articles, and told him flat out that I know he’ll probably not want to talk to me after the email but that his wife’s doctor is worse than the ob I had at the university health clinic last year.
My sister and her husband have a long distance marriage, they were due to come into town Monday, because he’s back from China, which only happens once or twice a year. She just called me sobbing to ask if I’d pick her up at the airport because she just took her wedding ring off. But don’t tell anybody, and especially not mom, who doesn’t need anything else to worry about right before her surgery.
Could I get some mojo, please? Because I can’t spend the next two weeks hiding under my covers!!!! This is a lot for one week!!!!
That sounds really rough. But you seem like a strong person. I’m sure you’ll pull through.
I am constantly amazed at how much you’re dealing with. I send you vibes and good thoughts and whatever will help!
*thinks really good thoughts in your direction*
I love to cook and eat, but as I shared in a previous open thread, I got braces recently (2 weeks ago!) which has drastically changed how I approached food.
Last night I made Annie’s mac and cheddar and made the cheese sauce with Greek yogurt and pasta water, and threw in a can of tuna, frozen peas and sliced grape tomatoes. It was delicious. Highly recommend.
OMG THESE ARE ADORABLE. I'm a Size C!!!
Hurray! I had several people favorite the shop, and I think there's enough to motivate me to make some more in the sizes that are running low and relist them. I'm gonna work on that this week, so look for a re-opened shop this coming weekend. Thank you for your interest!
<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m73kv3Qipe1rwcc6bo1_500.gif">
nice looking toasts, will go and cook something
I have the exact same problem except mines is with almost all insects. It's very nerve wrecking especially when a considerably large one appears in my home. My house se to have a house centipede problem and they just keep appearing out of no where. Not to mention insects are everywhere I go. So I know exactly how you feel. I'm constantly checking EVERYWHERE for insects.