Toasties, are you ever successful at a staycation? The Bartender always has Grand Plans and ends up sitting on the couch watching tv. And frequently eating pickles. Do you make your own pickles? The Bartender does not. Talk about your lives. Open thread!
Toast, ugh. I am so tired, so very tired of 2015 completely shitting on me, and I am losing patience with the rest of the world. My boss is a lunatic whackaloon, and my job swings between boring and frustrating, I make minimum wage, but I can’t find a new job because the market here is terrible and we’ll be moving probably next year. I got my period, meaning again not pregnant this month, when I am surrounded by pregnant women and really do want to be. My friends are all on a fun trip together that I’m missing because I don’t have enough vacation time to go on, because I have to save all my vacation time to see my parents next month because my dad is very sick with cancer. My dad also is going to have his last round of chemo next week, but we’re very worried that the doctor is going to tell us that the cancer is incurable and treatment can only prolong his time with us. I’m still desperately awaiting my visa documents allowing me to pass freely between countries and access health care, it’s been almost four months when they said it would be 100 days. My husband’s work is sending him away for six weeks this fall, which is not unusual or anything, but just one more thing for me. I have to attend a business meeting next week with 50 middle aged white men where I will be the only woman (of any age).
Then my cats decided this morning would be a great time to vomit THREE different places, and one of the fish in the tank ate another fish.
I’m so tired and worn out of everything. I have zero patience for my friends and I’m sick with jealousy that’s making me angry with people. I’m jealous and full of irate crabbiness and thoroughly SICK OF THIS SHIT.
π Jedi hugs to you if you want them.
Internet ninja hugs to you, displeased looks for your cats, and rude gestures at your job, the visa people, and cancer in general.
*hugs* It sounds like things are really and truly shit right now, and there’s not really a way I can spin anything to being a positive except the hope that things will get better soon.
Is there anything I can provide for cheering up purposes? Gifs, adorable YouTube videos, other Internet type things?
This is all shitty and I am super sympathetic and wish there were things we could do to fix it!
ugh so sorry, am sending good thoughts at you and glares at all the things messing with you. C’mon, universe, do better!
Oy. I’m so sorry. FWIW:
http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/22-pics-alm…
….eh?
In the internet world, I’ve hired a house cleaning crew and taken you out for lunch AND dinner and we’re joined by your favourite author. You need a break from all that awful shit, and I hope you get one very, very soon.
I’m really sorry you’re having a rotten time.
Other people being on vacation when you’re worn down is the worst. I wish you a peaceful mini-escape of some sort (is there a lake or shore area near you? Water can be very healing, says the Pisces). And all hope for good things for your dad. That is some rough shit, there.
http://calmingmanatee.com/
I’m sorry π
It all seems to hit at once sometimes. That was my year the year before last (although with a whole different set of shitty things, except also a dad with cancer) and when it piles on it’s just so hard to try to take one thing at a time when doesn’t feel like just one bad thing.
Do whatever works to help get your mind of the shitty (for me that’s wine + frends, wine + horror movies, wine + reading in a long bath, yes, I’m aware of a trend there) and try to have at least a good night somewhere in there. Wishing you the best.
All the hugs for you.
Would love to echo the sentiments below, that is all SHIT and not fair and I am seething here for you. Please hopefully you do something fun and watch something silly while eating something sweet and salty. And also a good cry always helps me. Hugs to you.
I’m really sorry and I wish I had the secret to make it all better for you.
This is my year, too, except we already know that my father’s cancer is untreatable. From my end of things, at least, there is nothing good to say, except that this fucking SUCKS, and I am so fucking sorry that you have to deal with it.
You know what, this is a ridiculous amount of bs to handle, so it is totally OK to be jealous and crabby. I’m so sorry π
That sucks, I’m so sorry. Thinking of you!
More :hugs: from me if you want them. I completely know the feeling of being tired and worn out and frustrated (and feeling bad that your frustration is leaking out on other people, which just makes you feel WORSE. )
Hello, lovely Toasties!
I got twitter this week and I just wanted to tweet about history and lesbians and other things close to my heart but instead MRAs tweeted at me in capslock and made me cry. So I’m finally de-lurking because I love this community and I would like to be a part of it. And also I’m so very glad that there’s a corner of the internet where the people are lovely Toasty people, not ragetweeting menfolk.
So hi, Iβm Emma, and Iβd like to be Toastfriends if you would maybe like that too.
TOASTFRIENDS!! Twitter Toasties are the BEST of peoples. I am at @Sedna_51 if you want to take a peek!
p.s. fuuuuuuuuck MRAs t(-_-t)
Oh yay I would LOVE to check out a friendly twitter after the last week’s experiences :’) so thank you π
Ugh I know they really clutter up the internet π
Not only friendly, but FAMOUS!
Hello and welcome! MRAs are the ABSOLUTE worst, I am so sorry. Maybe you could try out a private Twitter account for a while? #ToastieTwitter includes many private accounts.
Hi and thank you! π
I should absolutely do that, I would feel much safer haha
yes, i am one of those! @lizbizfizz
I’m another one! @ediehan
I’m a private Twitter Toastie too! @noxmunk
Yes, what @Sednarea51 said! We have a whole group of Toasties on Twitter and it is a lovely corner where selfies always get faved and you can bitch about whatever you want and there are fun jokes and good puns and love and support.
This sounds like my kind of twitter haven π
HELLO I’m @logicbutton! Come be pals with us! This morning we’re discussing high school gym requirements (spoiler alert: most of us were not particularly good at gym).
I was also not very good at gym so I think I’d fit right in :’)
I posted two comments below you about how Toastie Twitter has significantly improved my life! The list is linked down there, but feel free to join us! I am @elyseexplosion ’round those parts π
So you did! Such great timing! π I’d love to join you, you all make it sound magical and I am excited to join in! I’m @emmacummings213 π
followed you! I’m @erikawynn
Hi Emma,
I de-lurked myself for the very first time last week! Welcome to this awesome Toasty club! Can I be your friend?
Natalie
PS- intensedebate won’t let me login for some reason so… guest reply it is.
Hi Natalie! Yes, we can 100% be friends! Thank youuuu, I am definitely very happy to finally be in the club!
Friday made by having a new friend! I… feel awkward in social situations and don’t make friends easily so SUPER WIN! I never knew there was a Toastie Twitter. This day just keeps getting better and better!
@rock85on on the twitter.
I completely agree, today is definitely being improved by Toastfriending <3
I followed you and saw you’re a librarian, and I definitely need more librarians in my life so YAY
And you do history! I love nerdy historical things. Toastfriend ALL THE AWESOME PEOPLE!!!!
Oh hi are you me? Toastie twitter is amazing!
As other people said feel free to use your blocking privileges early and often; but all the toasties I know are sweet and fierce.
it is good to have periodic toastie twitter threads on this thing, I keep finding more of y’all I have not followed! I’m @erpurc.
I am @gyip!
I’m @sarah_jwh
There are good people on twitter, but the jackasses seem to be louder
Welcome! I am also a relatively new de-lurker here, and it’s been a great choice! I’m also new to the world of Twitter (I’m @ArguablyMagalis), but have thus far managed to avoid the attention of ay MRAs, they are the actual worst though!
Oh yay a fellow newbie! This is so exciting, I’m so ready for my twitter to be a nice to place to be for a change π
hello!! I’m @merrite and I also am very glad for this thread b/c now I can be up in Toastie Twitter too
<3 that you have Lauren Bacall as an avatar pic!
I’m @delayofgame!
Man I miss Happy Endings.
Welcome and I would love to be Toastfriends with you, too! I just recently joined twitter, so all I’ve done is retweeted my favorite comedians, but you can find me at @cmgarton and we can be twitter friends as well. π
I am so happy to have both Toastfriends and twitter friends now, I actually feel nice about social media for the first time this week, so thank you <3
And as a former historian who somehow only has scientists for friends I am looking forward to having a Twitterfriend who likes to tweet history things!
Hello, I just followed you, welcome to Twitter!!!
Hello, I just followed you back π
I am going to come back to this thread later and follow ALL OF YOU. I’m @RachelG8489.
Oh nooooo!! I’m not on the toastie twitter doc, but I’d love to be toastie twitter pals with you! I’m @womyn_ebooks and I will fight MRAs with the full (puny) force of my (insignificant but very misandrist) personal brand if you want <3
I tried twittering but within two days someone had hacked my account and was posting spam in Chinese so I binned it again. Which is a shame because I would love to be toastie twittering, but alas it is not to be. All in favour of being toastfriends though!
I’m @megmuoio on Twitter. I’m private for work reasons, but if you request me I will follow you! Yay Toastie Twitter!
Twitter can be great fun! Feel free to use the block and/or mute button without hesitation, it improves the experience.
I don’t know if I’m in the google doc, but I’m @hedinthecloud, and I’m off to add some names I was still missing.
I’m @jenreedjenreed and I mostly just retweet things, but always love seeing whatever Toasties are interested in too. Much love for Toastie Twitter.
You can follow me! I’m amndw2 over there, and I would love to have more history and lesbians in my feed.
Luckily for you, those are the two things I am good at!
Just followed you! (I am also @actualmeg on Twitter.)
toastietwitter is awesome. i’m @ummjess and i’m either tweeting every few minutes or utterly silent for weeks (months?) at a time
I’m LacunaKale. Yup, so creative.
Oh, so this is why I suddenly have two new cool-looking followers on Twitter. Excellent!
Hi, I’m @mmelibrarian and, last week, a Twitter analytic thing told me that my account is sexist and gender-imbalanced because I follow and retweet too many women.
You know what to do.
You are exactly the kind of twitter person I want to interact with :’)
I kept trying to re-like this post, that’s how much I liked it.
I’d love to know which twitter analytic thing so I can try it and hope for a similar result!
Welcome! I’m @__heck, if you feel like following me on Twitter.
I joined Twitter a while back to follow people, but I’d like to be more active on it, and I’d love Toastie contacts. @pomegranatefish
Same! I’m @ellehmariat
I’ve recently come out of the lurker closet as well and try to find Toastfriends. π
I’m @regular_things on Twitter. Mostly it’s instagrams and retweets.
It’s nice to meet you outside of the lurker closet, Toastfriend!
Toasties! I post infrequently but I am one of you (but intense debate won’t let me log on)! I just made a private (I think?) twitter account so that I can join you all on Toastie Twitter. I’m @shandycats.
I will be Toastfriends on twitter! My handle is @wallpaper_or_i, and I mostly tweet about historical research for novels, and how much I hate most Agatha Christie adaptations.
You had me at “Agatha Christie adaptations.”
Also, I second Hedwig’s advice to block anyone you feel like, right away, for whatever reason. MRAs and assholes of other varieties search for keywords – someone tweeted at me for sharing a story that had the word patriarchy in the url – and are nasty and bring nothing to the conversation or your life. You don’t have to engage with them at all.
Thank you, I didn’t realise how much I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t being unreasonable by being bothered by this. I’ve had a lot of “oh that’s just twitter” responses, which isn’t exactly what I wanted to hear haha
I found it upsetting too. Unfortunately, from what I’ve seen and heard, it is a really pervasive and common part of twitter / other social media.
Not “oh that’s just twitter so we shouldn’t be upset,” but “we need a strategy to deal with this thing because unfortunately it is going to happen.” My strategy is to block immediately, and then obsessively brood over it for days (it is not a perfect system).
I have the latter half of your strategy down already, but the first half I will definitely be putting into practice from now on! Thank you for the advice, I will make good use of the block button from now on!
Hi! I’m @combledore on Twitter as well, and now I’m going through this thread and adding all you lovely new people! (To go along with the lovely Toasties I already follow, of course!)
Hello, lovely Emma! You (and the lovely Toasties’ response) helped me take the jump and de-lurk today as well, so thank you! I just set up a private Twitter @PoppyMandragora (though there’s no there there, yet.)
Yay hi I’m so glad you de-lurked too! And I followed you on twitter now so maybe we can explore this lovely new world together!
Oh hiiiiiiii! What a great thread! I’m another twitter noob and I’m @fenixdawn over there too! Now going to go and follow everybody! yaaaaaay!
Hello hello! I’m @jwhittz over there and now I’m off on a following spree of my own.
What dicks. π Having more people tweeting about history and lesbians is an excellent thing, and they are very foolish for not appreciating that. Welcome to non-lurkerdom.
Those people clearly have no taste!
Hi! I’m usually on twitter a lot more than the open threads so new toastie friends are awesome. I’m @prismmirrorlens and probably need to catch up on all the new toastadas.
Hellooooo, I am @k_loulee on twitter and icebergmama just added me to the Toastie twitter list and I would like to be friends with more people! I’m in Sydney, Australia, so most of the time Toast posts go live when I am asleep so lurking is my default state, that or shouting into an empty room :-(. But I am here!
Also feel free to block the shit out of spambots, I do it all the time and it’s very freeing.
I’m going to de lurk too because I basically live on Twitter and would love to make new friends there. I’m @scbecker. It’s a private account but I approve basically any new follower who’s not a super obvious troll or like Adam Baldwin. Occasionally I also tweet as @nopetopus but mostly that account is just for rage flail.
Mark down their Twitter handles, they’ll be the first to go when we cull the worthless π
I just followed everyone in this thread (I’m silverandsnow on twitter also) and my twitter feed is exponentially more awesome. Don’t know why I waited so long to join Toastie twitter!
Hi, Emma! I’m more of a reader than a commenter but three cheers for you & the things you love. I would totally be your Toastfriend!! Find me @lisaoutleod π
Toasts!! The 5K was amazing, BestLaidPlans is ADORABLE and so so nice, and I got to start the week feeling pretty damn pleased with myself.
Mantern is leaving at the end of next week; peace will return to us.
MrChouffe has been quick-pickling thin slices of red onion to go with tuna salad of late, and it is a thing of beauty.
Congrats on the 5K!
Thanks! It’s wonderful-slash-terrible that it went so well. Wonderful because duh, wonderful, I’m apparently really good at it and it’s my favorite part of my job, but terrible because when I leave this job I won’t get to do it anymore and I think it’ll be the only thing here that I really, truly, terribly, will miss. And right now I’m still on just enough of a high from it that it’s distracting from looking.
Your 5k was, as expected, amazing. I even talked to people I knew who ran the race who I didn’t even know were there and they all said how fabulous it was! Great job and Mantern was conspicuous by his absence.
Your Mr. mentioned you guys come down this way occasionally and we’d love to drag you around town next time you’re here! Or we can just sit at Founders for 4-6 hours. Either works for us!
You guys were lovely and I’m so glad we ran into each other afterwards. It was a perfect day.
By the way, Toasties, if you run in a 5k put on my houblonchouffe, your gear will be marked by a drawing of a piece of toast–adorable!
You are too too kind. We’d love either to be dragged around or placed gently into Founders’ loving embrace. Both are wonderful.
SOMEHOW my boss managed to get a picture of you and your Mr after the run, so if you want it, please let me know π
You guys are just awesome. Can’t wait to do it again.
Of course I’d like a picture! If it is from after the run, there’s a chance I won’t be wearing my usual expression of misery that every other race photographer manages to capture!
Absolutely. We are looking forward to it! And we’ll look for you at the moonlighting gig in September over Labor Day.
It JUST occurred to me that I actually have your email address already. Coming soon!!
Labor Day, yes, count on. π
Well done on the 5K!
I’m intrigued by these quick-pickled red onions you mention– any chance of getting a recipe?
Quick pickled red onions!
Slice some red onions super thin
Soak them in white wine vinegar for 20 min
That’s it! Easiest ever and they are sooooooo good.
So simple! Easy money says they get added to everything I eat this weekend…
Thanks!
I don’t have much to share this week Toastfriends, but I just wanted to shout into the void about how much Toastie Twitter means to me. You guys are the best and I appreciate each and every one of you.
<3 <3 <3
I echo this +++++1
Toastie Twitter keeps me sane some days and some nights.
<3 one day we shall all take to the sea together <3
now please, now
srsly if we gather people in SD we can all take to the sea on Coronado Island, which is both beautiful and has sand that literally looks like it sparkles with golf
I mean, I really did have a good go of it the other night, but company is always welcomed <3 <3
Toastie Cruise would be amaaaaaaaaaaazing. Lots of fascinating lectures and evening carousing and always-open quiet rooms and poetry recitations.
and CHEESE
cheese tastings, cheese lectures, cheese workshops, cheese carving art competitions
we’ll roll a cheese down the deck and chase after it
On board for 100% of this.
Name the day.
Is there a Toastie twitter list somewhere?
And if there isn’t, can there be? Or can I just get pointed towards a bunch of you? Because my twitter feed needs more Toastie-type stuff. I’m @RachelG8489.
here ’tis!
Hahaha apparently I already subscribe to this list and just hadn’t realized it.
Wow 407 members! So much toasty goodness π I’m @EuterpesDelight
Also, I suddenly need a “follow all” option for lists.
This is the unofficially official Toastie Twitter list as far as I can tell!
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I started scrolling the list and I was all “these people! I recognize them! From the internet!”
Thank you!
Hmmm I don’t think I’m in that one! @elitzan
I don’t maintain it unfortunately, but I will definitely be following you! I’m @elyseexplosion π
Holy crap I just got a whoooole lot of new followers. Hi, everyone!!
I’m not in that one either, but I’m easy to find because my username is always the same (@ppyajunebug)
Guess it’s time to update!
This. . .might actually make me use my never-tweeted-from-Twitter account. . .
LOL I woke up to seven new followers on Twitter and was like ‘…hmm. I am not usually this popular. What is going on here? AHA. THE TOAST.’
Which is great, btw, because I’ve totally been neglecting The Toast, and should make more time to come here more often.
The Toast Connections spreadsheet includes Twitter links.
Oh wow, this is GREAT. Thanks!
Also I’m reading the column where everyone describes themselves and I’m like “WOW, THE TOASTIES ARE AN AMAZING BUNCH OF PEOPLE.”
how can we get added to this spreadsheet?
I think you can just add your own info π
Nope, it’s not publicly shared.
It is, the link was just a weird uneditable version for some reason
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_26MiL9WN…
cool cool cool
This is so awesome. Thank you!
I may have just put my info on there? I don’t know, it was being super uncooperative. Just trying to seem more legit and less like an instagram stalker…
Elyyyyyyyyyyyse
Dianaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it true tho
ps I owe you a picture from like November where I said I looked like you as a middle schooler I think (or was it Liz, I don’t remember, either way I looked like ONE of y’all)
Hmm, that sort of rings a bell but not really but if it was over eight months ago…anyway I am all for seeing pictures of Proto-Elyse, regardless of who she looks like!
I mean in this particular photo I look a little bit like Frankenstein’s Monster but I’ll see if I can get it scanned still!
Toastie twitter has noticeably improved both my twitter experience and my life as a whole. Heart you guys!
This is very true. Toastie Twitter is a much welcome grounding in my life (and also makes it very hard for me to take the “twitter is irredeemably awful” 100% seriously)
I just added ~50 people. If you want to get added to my Twitter Toasties list, I’m @embryoconcepts. Add me and let me know!
burgeerrrrrs (we had them yesterday. They were delicious).
#BurgerCultForLife #BecauseItsACultAndWeCantEscape #OhGodOhGodHowCanWeGetOut
#TheFirstRuleOfBurgerCultIsToTellLiterallyEveryoneAboutBurgerCult #BecauseYouCan’tEscapeBurgerCult #MindyYou’reStillOnWatch
I’m adding all you wonderful people when I get home tonight. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
I agree x one million billion. Love all of you.
I said out loud to my laptop this morning, after a long sleepless night and before a frustrating chunk of unexpected work, “How does Toastie Twitter always make me feel better?” <3
Toasties, I had something v. disturbing happen last night, which I will put in a subsequent comment for sexual assault triggers.
I was just settling into bed at a reasonable hour (AMAZING) when I thought I heard a woman screaming for help somewhere nearby. I got up a couple times trying to figure out if I had really heard anything and, if so, where it was coming from. Once I turned off my air conditioner I could tell it was coming from the gated underground parking lot in the building next door. So I grabbed my keys and my phone and rushed out in my PJs and bare feet.
There was a woman trapped in the garage. She didnβt live in the building but I guess had gone to some guyβs place who lived there β sheβd hung out with him once before without incident but this time something had happened. She said she ran from him and he chased her and she ended up trapped in the lot.
Sheβd been drinking and was also completely freaked out so it was hard to get a linear story at all. I ended up calling the police and waiting with her, holding her hand through the grating. Eventually someone who lived there came home and used their clicker to open the grate. I stayed with the woman while the police talked to her although she didnβt want to tell them much especially since the one cop opened with, βwell, you went home with him willingly.β
I was so upset about everything that went down that I wrote the following to the MPD this morning:
[summary of what happened] When the police arrived, one of the officers questioned her and when she said that she’d gone to his apartment, the officer’s response was to the effect of “well, you went home with him willingly.” It was at that point that I could tell that the woman, who was already incredibly distraught, was not going to tell the officers anything else about what had happened to her. Obviously, it’s up to the woman herself to decide if she wants to make a statement, but the language the officer used, with the implication that if the woman went willingly then nothing could have happened, is extremely unhelpful. If the man did attack her or if he did try to force her to do something sexual, that has nothing to do with the fact that she went to his apartment. Agreeing to enter someone’s home is not consent for them to do whatever they like to a person. Unfortunately, I think the tone of the officer’s statement and the implication of it prevented any possible positive outcome if a crime had indeed occurred. I know MPD has a Sex Assault Unit, but it seems like some may need a refresher when it comes to speaking to potential victims.
Oof that’s terrible, but wow it sounds like you were really courageous!
Not that it hugely matters, but is the the Metropolitan Police Dept. of Washington, D.C.?
Thank you. I just wish there were more that I could do. I thought a lot about Kitty Genovese last night.
You are correct. It is the DC MPD. Thankfully I haven’t had need to call them much and I have no idea if this victim blame-y tinged fuckery is SOP or what.
I’m also a little nervous that I live in the building next door to this dude.
The DC MPD are not, in my experience, ever the ‘make a bad situation better’ types
I mean, the traffic people cannot even get the van parked on the sidewalk under the Metro bridge with expired registration towed or booted or whatever, but I was hoping for better from the non-traffic side of things.
honestly you all were probably mostly fortunate in that the interview did not take place at gunpoint, as has every non-traffic encounter I have ever had with them
Well, that is a shit thing to have happened, but I agree that you did the right thing in both circumstances.
I know this isn’t the point of your post, but knowing there are people who show up and help out when someone screams makes me feel so much better about moving around in the world. So thank you for that.
Living in a neighborhood where there are kids I never know when screams are screams of terror vs children playing loudly. I worry about being the asshole stranger in a kitty genovese case when I don’t want to call the cops on some loud kids.
“Well, you went home with him willingly”
Jesus christ. So these cops actually do have training in this and yet…they are still victim-blaming, pieces of garbage?? Once again, the police, everyone. All I can say is you are awesome for waiting with her, I’m glad she had you. Cheers to you.
The thing that makes me mad(der) is that they didn’t even offer her a ride home. I wish I had and I should have because she lived something like a 25 minute walk from where we were.
I mean, she probably wouldn’t have taken it from them because it was clear that she was 100% done with their shit and really wanted to go home at that point but still, make the offer to get this lady home safe.
Of course they didn’t offer her a ride, she was there willingly! Rage.
That cop is garbage, and the guy who started all this is garbage, but you are awesome and brave and good on you for calling them out on their garbage.
Wow, as a survivor, thank you for doing so much to help her. One of the big reasons I never reported my assault(s) was because of fear of behavior from cops exactly like this. I hope there are some groups in the area to help her with advocacy, if she wants that.
Thank you for doing that, both going to check what was going on and writing to the police. That’s so important and I’m tearing up at work thinking about it.
waiting with her, holding her hand through the grating
[heart-eyes emoji]
βwell, you went home with him willingly.β
[murder-eyes emoji]
Not that you asked, but phew it sounds like you handled everything exactly right: letting the woman lead the way to whatever outcome she found most suitable under the circumstances, showing her support and kindness while providing practical help. I thank you for everything you did; by helping her, you helped us all.
If and only if you are up for it, it would be worth reporting that language to someone at the police station, though I’m not sure who. Maybe (anonymously or not) call the desk officer/non-emergency number and ask? Maybe call the non-emergency number for the sexual assault unit? Maybe write a letter (again, anonymously or not) to the sexual assault unit?
I really mean that if and only if you are up for it. I used to feel guilty anytime I didn’t strike back at misogyny or rape-culture language or incidents against me, before I realized that’s just an extension of rape culture itself: making me bear the responsibility for defending myself and other women instead of placing the onus on the offenders.
No, that’s a really good idea. So I submitted my initial comment to the general MPD “how we doin’?” area of the site and that included my email so they could get in touch (WHICH THEY SHOULD). If I don’t hear from them in a week I am going to hunt down an actual person in the Sex Assault Division and reiterate my concerns. If I can get the town next door to paint part of a curb yellow because I was tired of getting sporadically ticketed there, I can certainly stay on this.
holy shit thank you for doing what you did and FUCK THAT COP
Thank you for your compassion and bravery. But I’m sorry this horrible situation happened
Toasties! You’re a crowd who likes to support inclusive children’s literature, right? My BFF provides illustrations for a series called Wendy On Wheels, about a little girl who does the usual kid stuff–goes to the zoo, faces off against bullies–while using a wheelchair. The author is self-publishing a fifth book and is doing a Kickstarter to fund it, but since it’s been several years since the last Wendy On Wheels story, her original audience has kind of aged out of picture books. If you know any kids who might enjoy some books about a kickass female protagonist with a disability, throwing a few bucks towards the Kickstarter would be awesome of you! Artists gotta get paid.
Chucked in $5, hope it gets backed!
Awesome! I hope so too! My nephew is hearing impaired and most kids’ books about people with disabilities seem to lean towards “intro to assistive technology,” which is important, but it’s so great to see a series with a recurring heroine having a lot of different experiences.
I went to the Decemberists concert last night. A good concert save for the overwhelming reek of pot, patchouli and pretension hanging over everything. Unsure if this was because of the band’s general sort of fan (I’m not sure I’ve ever met someone else who listens to them in person), or because the concert was in Burlington. My money is on Burlington.
Nice concert though.
I saw the Mountain Goats in Burlington a couple years ago and also found the crowd to be pretty… Burlington-y.
I’m jealous you saw the Decemberists! I was super super into them in college and at one point had plans to go to a show, but they ended up canceling the entire tour, I think because all of their equipment and stuff got stolen. They’ve eluded me ever since!
I live in Barre at the moment and spend most of my time in small town mid Vermont so I’m continually reminded of just how Burlington-y Burlington is each time I finally have sufficient cause to go up there. Bernie Sanders stickers for instance. Last night was the first time I’ve seen cars with Bernie 2016 stickers. It is such a nonthing where I am that I am continually shocked that there are people in this state for whom it is a thing.
Man, audiences really make or break a concert for me, so I’m sorry the crowd experience wasn’t more fun but glad you enjoyed the show anyways!
(Not to threadjack, but I’m curious what people’s best and worst concert-crowd experiences have been! Best for me are Mountain Goats and Coheed and Cambria, everyone sings along and is just really psyched and friendly. Worst were NiN (not helped by my nosebleed seats) and weirdly, Foxy Shazam. (Referring only to crowds here, not the quality of the acts.))
This is going to sound horrible because there are MANY, MANY better bands out there, but:
– I saw Ghostland Observatory twice in the mid-aughts and both experiences were sweaty, dancy joy factories.
– I saw the Journey/Foreigner/Night Ranger reunion show at the Key Arena and was delighted by the sheer number of Dads singing their little hearts out. I also sang my heart out.
Worst show I’ve ever seen was Mars Volta’s notorious set at Sasquatch 2008.
I’ve seen Josh Ritter approximately a billion times and every single one has been a delight. He is just the best person with the best fans, I guess.
I went to a really great Blind Pilot show in DC once where I was standing right up front next to some teens who spent the whole show aggressively elbowing me, which was less than ideal.
Josh Ritter! Looooooooooooooove him! He just exudes this specific kind of happiness that invades the whole audience at his concerts!
I also love Josh Ritter’s concerts! He was at a festival I go to last year and some people I was making friends with were less into him, which… pfft, I guess I can be friends with people who have poor taste.
Best: I had a really lovely time at a Coheed set three albums ago, so I’ll echo that. Also Head Automatica and I Am The Avalanche.
Worst doesn’t really count because I have been to more terrible local hardcore shows than I care to admit, and those are always awful. (In a good way, I guess.)
Idk about worst, but I saw Interpol last Friday and maaaannnn none of the dudes at that show wanted to dance or be seen having any fun. They were my favorite band in high school and it was a fantastic show, but the audience was kind of a buzzkill.
For best audiences, probably any wizard rock show. I’ve been to a lot.
i’ve had a lot of shitty crowd experiences but the once that comes first to mind is the ruining of my first Ween show by some flailing hippy chick in a bee costume.
it was a very crowded venue, not a good place for wearing wings, and definitely not an appropriate setting for wearing wings AND doing a drunk hippicopter. i ended up going outside for like half the show because when i asked her to knock it the fuck off , i was informed that i was the bad guy for trying to harsh her buzz but guess what? i paid for a fucking ticket too and YOU ARE HARSHING MY BUZZ. so i went outside instead of strangling her.
(i got to see them again a couple of years later at an amphitheater in the woods and THAT show is in the Top 5 Greatest Shows EVER hall of fame for me.)
I saw them at the Tower Theater in Philadelphia on the Hazards of Love tour, and I can confirm that it did NOT smell like pot and patchouli.
Yep. I figured it was a Burlington thing.
Hey I was at that show too! It was so good. Love the Tower.
I love them so dearly. Sorry your concert experience wasn’t the best. I think there is a fair overlap between Decemberist fans and librarians/librarian allies, but also with patchouli and elitism.
I really want to be part of a librarian/librarian adjacent only concert audience. (Everyone could bring their favorite cats? And puns?) Anything not to end up standing next to the same sort of high dude bros that I was next to last night.
The only show I’ve gone to in Burlington was a metal show, so the pot/patchouli/pretension ratio was pretty low. There were mead horns though, so.
I’m willing to bet the guy I saw last night in the kilt was part of that audience. He seemed like the mead horn type.
Saw them here in Portland on Wednesday. While it was hot as balls (un air conditiponed venue on a high 80s day), at least up in the balcony it smelled fine. Now the after show with extra Lady lamb…..
They were pretty good here in Edmonton too! I think they were a bit taken aback by how quiet and polite we were though; the venue they played is really inconducive to standing up or dancing at all (it’s the local symphony’s hall, so lovely sound, but very serious looking security), which was kind of a shame.
FANFICTION THREAD
YOU GUYS I JUST REALLY NEED EVERYONE TO SPEND THE WEEKEND READING THE PRICE OF WAR AKA THE DAREDEVIL AU I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED AKA DARCY LEWIS IS THE LEWIS OF “NELSON, MURDOCK AND LEWIS” AND IT’S AMAZING AND THERE’S TRANS!KATE BISHOP AND JEN WALTERS AND SOMEONE PLEASE JOIN ME IN THIS OBSESSION
Okay, what other things are you guys reading/writing this week?
Oh, man, I have been reading a lot of Jupiter Ascending fic, because the D/s subtext between Jupiter and Caine is just so good.
And then I fell into finding my faves and uploading them to my google books account so that I can have them with me always, which meant finding them again (and remembering my delicious password) and sometimes that meant trying to find a fic WITHOUT having the name or author saved, so that lead to reading some Suits fic in quest for a good one, and while I have like 5 library books currently checked out, mostly I have been re-reading fanfic.
I finished rewatching all the X-Men movies last weekend and as a result I have been reading lots of Charles/Erik fanfic. I really enjoyed “Paper Monsters”, an AU where Erik is secretly Charles’s favorite author, and “Have You Met Uncle Charles?”, a crossover with Avengers where Tony and Charles are friends and Tony brings all of his dates to dinner with Prof X so he can check them out. My hunt to find more X-Men fic (it makes me sad that the fandom for X-Men isn’t anywhere close to the size of the MCU fandom, because I love them both, and it also sorta perplexes me that so much of the X-Men fic is AUs where they’re not mutants because I find that part so narratively interesting) led me down a winding path and now I’m reading “Life of Crime” by neveralarch, which is a delightful fic where Hawkeye and Black Widow are both villains for hire. It’s based on the Hawkeye comics and it’s really fun. Captain Marvel is there!
It does seem weird just how AU many of the X-Men stories are. It’s really hard to get the right character motivations that way.
I like the AU ones where they’re still mutants. To me the canon plot/superhero part is the less interesting aspect, so it’s really interesting to see the role/place of mutants in different settings. When it’s done well, of course.
Yeah, I read an AU over the weekend where they still had powers, it was just moved to present day, and I liked that a lot.
I’ve read The Least of All Possible Mistakes (required reading)–what other Sherlock fanfic should I be reading? I’ve read about half of Alone on the Water and don’t want to go on….should I?
Have you read An Avalanche of Detour Signs? It’s Molly/Lestrade and is tied for my favorite Sherlock fic (with Least of All Possible Mistakes, of course). And if you like AUs, Performance in a Leading Role is excellent.
Have you read Compatible Damage by branwn? It’s a series with ciswoman!Watson and it’s just, ugh, so good. I think the first story is called The Skeleton Winter (it’s on AO3).
etothepii’s Sherlock stuff is great, especially Seems So Easy for Everybody Else and her Addams Family crossover series, Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc. I love love loved The Sensation of Falling As You Just Hit Sleep the first time I read it but enjoyed it much less on a reread. How The Mouth Changes Its Shape is a pretty killer AU where Watson and Holmes are lesbians in 1950s London.
Thanks yall! Now on to the binge reading π
Dude I started this one ages ago and FORGOT ABOUT IT and now here it all is. THANKS and I genuinely don’t know if I mean that sarcastically because I should be doing other stuff or for serious because it’s so good.
I made it to the end of what is posted of “Dreaming Red” and then was very very sad that it wasn’t finished and hasn’t been updated in months.
I’ve been rereading the greatest hits of Stargate Atlantis fic, a show I have never watched and don’t really plan to. Lots of rageprufrock and astolat and chrysothemis. Oh, and I found this one Dr Who crossover where Donna Noble is the main character [Displacement (The Longest Three-Week Day)] which was just shockingly good. DONNA.
I started watching SGA because I kept running into fics that I couldn’t tell if they were episode tags or not, and honestly it would have been better if I hadn’t. (I kept at it because it was very undemanding TV to cross-stitch too.)
Also, let me plug LtLJ here in the SGA fic vein. I liked SGA best when it was scrappy and desperate and her Retrograde series just fits that bill perfectly.
I’m always looking for undemanding TV to knit to. Anything else that’s worked well for you?
I’m currently watching _Brooklyn Nine-Nine_ and enjoying it (though it is a workplace comedy about cops, and it’s entirely understandable if the cops part is too much to accept for the sake of a workplace comedy); I know I’m missing a lot of good background reaction faces, but I don’t mind jumping back a few seconds for major jokes, and Andre Braugher is a national treasure.
The SyFy special-effects-makeup-artists reality show _Face Off_ also works for me because I only have to really look when they reveal the completed makeups at the end.
Donna! Going to be adding that one to my bookmarks.
So the first thing I checked is if my shameful crush Wesley was there. He was. And Karen too. I’m currently reading fury road fanfic on my kindle but this is definitely next.
Toasties!! I finally got the offer letter I was waiting on last week!!!! It is for more even than my requested salary and I am so excited to start this new job where hopefully I will be valued and treated like an actual person. I plan to give notice on Monday and I’m sure I’ll spend all weekend freaking out.
OMG OMG OMG CONGRATS!!!!
YAY FOR JOBS! May we all land awesome new jobs (please oh please) like you have π
secondeeeeddddd
Huge congrutulations!!!!!!
Congratulations!!! That sounds fantastic!
Hooray! Congrats!!!
Thank you all! π
So happy for youuuuu!!!!!!
This weekend I am very excited to be taking an intensive, two-day wood turning class! (Wood turning as in working wood on a lathe.) We’re making rolling pins. I’ve always wanted to turn wood but never had… well, a lathe. I’m psyched. Not to mention I’ll have a (hopefully) awesome heirloom rolling pin at the end.
Toast, what skills have you picked up recently? Or what are you planning on learning in this second half of 2015?
Mr. Blazes and I started taking archery lessons this spring and they have enriched my life so much. It’s a big, mixed group class with badasses of all ages and backgrounds. Everybody’s so positive and not competitive. I can’t recommend it enough!
Archery is so fun! It’s been way too long since I’ve picked up my bow, but I love it. (I used to pretend to be Robin Hood when I was a kid, so actually shooting a bow and arrow still feels, like, ridiculously amazing. I suck, by the way. My aim is terrible. My arms are weak. I do not care. It is amazing.)
So fun! This has been on my list for ages! I’ve only gone to a range once and need to go again now that the babe is not really a babe anymore.
Do you have to be strong or at all coordinated for archery? Cause I am not either, but I dream about learning,
Literally, I dream about Katniss-level skills at least once a week. Too much Robin Hood as a child.
That’s the best part, you really don’t. And the very act of practicing will make you stronger and more coordinated. Where I shoot, they started me at a 12lb draw weight shooting 10 yards, which is the same as they start 5-year-old kids. I made embarrassing mistakes and hit everything but the target at first, but the people were great and not mean! I’m at 25 lbs and 20 yards now and ready to move up again.
TL;DR DO IT DO IT DO IT
That’s so cool! I wish I’ve always wished for time to get into woodworking.
I’ve been eating a lot more Nutella directly from the jar lately. Does that count…?
Nutella is correct in any situation. If Nutella is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. Rock on, Mrs_Peel.
I just got into yoga again, because of my interest in zen meditation. I’m hoping to learn more about tai chi this year too.
Once my trampoline dodgeball neck injury settles down I plan to start taking aerial classes. A bunch of my friends do it and I’ve been meaning to try it out forever. I want to do hoop the most, but silks and trapeze are also exciting options being taught at this place.
Trampoline dodgeball?????
Exactly what it sounds like and the best thing ever.
I am in a league. It is my favourite thing that I do, even though I have had neck pain and headaches for 6 weeks because of an extremely unlucky headshot that pulled a muscle in my neck which is interacting in terrible ways with an old shoulder injury.
I’m not going to lie, I just found out that the University of Wisconsin-Madison has a Candy Science class. Candy. Science. I would give my left arm (because I can’t stir properly without my right, duh) to do this some day.
http://www.jsonline.com/news/education/dont-snick…
Candy is so much fun! I spent a summer teaching myself how to make taffy, and got pretty good at it, but tried again last year and it failed. I have moved 4500ft up in elevation to a different climate and stove. Chocolate work is fun too.
That sounds awesome!
I’m taking an embroidery class and a knitting workshop in the fall. Can’t wait for those. Embroidery stresses me out, so it will be an interesting experience!
I just bought a refurbished sewing machine and I’m going to sew all the things now that I don’t have to do everything by hand.
Sewing is so great! and you get something useful at the end! I started quilting a few years ago (4?) and love it. Turns out I’m much better at sewing 2D items than I am at 3D, but kids clothes and bags are ok. Can’t really sew for myself, though I’ve tried.
Wood turning is super cool! I tried it in Industrial Arts in grade 7 but a boy broke my project and I have never returned, alas. Take pictures, report back π
I tried it in 7th grade too, but I was allergic to the wood dust and had to take French instead.
So I was cleaning out my GIF folders, and
Why did I ever think I’d use this thing, and more importantly, what’s the most random/offputting GIF you guys have amassed?
I think it’s this one:
TBH, most of the gifs in my spreadsheet (yep, I have a google sheet of gifs) are Hannibal related, some truly crazy ones from tumblr and some straight from the show.
toilet bunny is like the swiss army knife of gifs though
THIS IS TERRIFYING.
That is the best gif… wow. Wow! It combines maths and Willam. Thank you.
Probably this one.
After they put Season 1 of Girls on Prime I watched it and loved the shit out of it. Especially Ray, that pretentious hysterical ass.
I love this gif, but I am never mean enough to use it:
I tried using the Pythagorean theorem in an RPG in a situation where the character was moving up a slope to determine how far he could move. The GM, who was incredibly intolerant of people who didn’t know every little last rule, rejected it because it involved math.
Haha it’s Lollapalooza across the street today, let’s see if I survive!!
One of my favorite memories is from my friend’s wedding in Chicago that happened to be during Lollapalooza. We went to take pictures of the wedding party (I was a bridesmaid) in Millennium Park, which involved wading through MASSIVE crowds of drunk Lollapalooza-goers. She got like five wedding proposals on the walk and told every one of them that they were too damn late.
As a person with a friend’s wedding in Chicago this weekend, I am happy to hear that it went well!
My bestie is moving from NYC to Chicago literally now, like she got the keys to her new apartment and such yesterday and is currently dealing with a bunch of the stuff related to the move in Chicago before she comes back to NYC to finish packing up and prepping for the movers. And suddenly I feel really bad for her, instead of just sad that she’s leaving me, because what a terrible weekend to have to do that stuff.
grosssss I have to take the train to Indiana this weekend. I wonder if trekking down to one of the south side stations will be worth avoiding the Loop…
Oh yeah, I prefer to catch it at Hyde Park when I can.
godspeed.
i forgot lolla was this weekend and i’m seriously figuring out if there’s a way i can teleport across the city and just skip all of downtownβ¦
Still miles better than the Taste of Chicago and everything that comes with it.
OMG good luck with that craziness!
ugh, am mostly hiding in my last!two!weeks! in Roscoe Village before moving to River North. so there is that advantage to having to delay my moving day for a Mysterious Nerve Injury (I’m off to the MRI in 20 minutes double ugh. And then to prove my identity to People’s Gas because I flunked the security test by not remembering the exact address of the place I lived briefly ten years ago.)
Gym/Lifting/Exercise Thread!
Post PRs, progress, questions for other Toasties, etc.!
I’ve been a complete slacker this week with exercising, but I’m just about the point where I’m going to take advantage of the personal trainers at my gym and set up a few appointments to get some weight training ideas. We’ll see how that goes.
I did the workout component of my running group’s Thursday run for the first time last night! It’s just a short circuit of speed work and I did the shortest distance, but I only started running in mid-June so I’m still really excited about the progress I’ve made.
I ALMOST held a forearm balance in yoga the other day. I’ve been a little too scared to kick my legs above my head without the crutch of the wall, so even the fact that I got pretty vertical was huge.
Wow, nice! Every time I try to do hand/head/forearm balancing, there is an enormous crashing sound and I end up bruised. Mad respect π
I’ve got some kind of exercise every day this week, and at least 2 days were crazy intense (110 lb squats! 3 hour intense hikes!) and 2 days were glorious outdoor swimming, and almost all days included bikes, and I’m feeling good.
PS: I’m sort of training for a triathlon, and why can’t they sub in basically anything else for the running. I would rather do continuous burpees than the running part.
I started using a Fitbit for the first time this week, and am getting to see EXACTLY how much of a slug I am. I mean, I knew I was a slug, but I didn’t realize I was THAT bad.
On the up-side, now that you have a fitbit, you get immediate numerical feedback for not being a slug. I find that I make more excuses to get up and walk around just a little now that I have numbers going up when I do that.
I ran a half marathon last weekend, and even though I wasn’t really as prepared as I wanted to be it still went smoothly. Spend a nice couple hours trotting around my city. (One of the tendons in my foot is pissed about it, but we’ll pretend that didn’t happen)
New PR: 4:23 for a 1,000m row! (Note: I know nothing about rowing or real rowing-vs.-machines so I have not idea what’s “good” or whatever… but it was good for me!)
Toasties! I am excited for this weekend, when I am doing Time Run with MrSmee, Smeebrother and friend – a thing where you are locked in a room for an hour and have to solve the mystery of who stole the important artefact! I have told various people I know about it and every one of them have responded with, “That sounds like hell”. To me, doing puzzles with time limits really sounds like the best thing ever so was curious as to which camp Toasties fall into. Trapped time limit puzzles? Or no?
Hell.
Me too. HELL.
Oh! A friend of mine in Ottawa just did one of these with her family, they were ultimately unsuccessful but they had such a good time that I started looking them up in my neck of the woods (NJ) – please let us know how you like it! I think it would be lots of fun!
That sounds like a ridiculous amount of fun! I fully admit I’d put on my best Hercule Poirot voice and twirl and imaginary mustache the whole time, too.
I’ve done this with my husband and loved it. We actually solved it the “wrong” way halfway through. Super-fun and highly recommend!
Oh hell yes.
We do the ones in San Francisco that are all “Escape the ___” and they’re great. We’ve never solved one because they are so insane, but they’re always fun. Escape the magic show, escape the time machine, etc. SO GOOD
some of us did one for a friend’s birthday. it was not unfun but you really do get to see your friends at their best/worst under that sort of “pressure”.
(we got away with the loot, btw. we robbed an old western bank. i attribute our success to my wearing my cat ears and bandit mask.)
I recommend NOT getting drunk first, which my brothers and their wives and I did. It made us sloppy at opening locks and bad at listening to each other. Get drunk AFTER!
Oh fun! I am literally about to go do this for the 1st time ever in about 2 hours! Hoping it’s awesome.
Hee hee, I feel like I spent so much time dodging “fun” things like ropes course and paintball–I think this would be a lot of fun, if I had some cool people to do it with.
My staycation last week didn’t work out due to a death in the family and now I’ve been back at work a week, feeling like I didn’t have a break at all. Pass the pickles, please.
so sorry. hugs.
Thank you, Bartender. Does anyone want to share grandparent stories? The family member who died was my grandpa and we were very close. I have so many sweet childhood memories with him but my mom’s siblings are so mean to each other that there wasn’t much space for sharing stories last week.
That sucks, I’m so sorry.
I was really close to my grandpa when I was a kid. I think he was disappointed for about .5 seconds that he didn’t have any grandsons and then went, “Oh well, girls can do machine shop, right? Right.” And proceeded to involve us in the making of the wooden and mechanical toys he built for us all. He loved making shit. I never, ever saw him without a band-aid somewhere on him until his funeral. I practically lived at my grandparents’ house while my mom was working – it was right across the street from the elementary school – and to this day the smell of home is barbecue potato chips and band-aids.
Tell us about your grandpa. <3
Ah our grandpas sound very similar! I grew up about a mile from my grandparent’s house and they were our primary babysitters when my sister and I were too young to take care of ourselves. My grandpa was a farmer for his whole working life but he was mostly retired by the time my sister and I came around. Old age hadn’t quite caught up to him yet when we were kids so we really got him at his peak grandpa-ness. He taught me and my sister everything we know about tools and my mom remembered this weekend that she would show up to pick us up after work and the three of us would be sitting in the garage, my grandpa observing as my sister and I (ages 5 and 8) pounded nails into 2x4s “cuz they’ll never learn to drive a nail otherwise”.
Hah! Yep, my grandpa taught me how to drive a nail when I was about eight, because he and I were both left-handed and the only ones in our family who were, so he kind of took me on as his Official Small Left-Handed Apprentice. So many specially-redesigned left-handed tools!
I never knew either grandfather – my paternal one died a fair while before I came along, but my maternal one (alarmingly) had a heart attack on the way to his club, on the first day I waved goodbye to him as he left the house! (My grandparents lived in the bottom flor of our house, we had the middle floor.)
My main memory of my grandmother is that she cut out the cartoons from the paper every day and I’d read them every Sunday when we went to visit her, and then start on all her Agatha Christie books. And she made the best cheesecake, and it was such a treat to be allowed to crumble the chocolate over the top of it!
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Haha I love grandparent food memories! Strangely for me most of my food memories about my grandparents are not delicious homemade foods but the specific foods they always had/have in their house. Frozen homemade chocolate chip cookies, frozen Wonderbread, sugar free popsicles, Cheerios, etc. My sister LOVED to eat frozen Wonderbread for reasons I still don’t understand. My grandpa also used to give me and my sister Mountain Dew at lunch (much to my mom’s chagrin) and have burping contests with us. He always had sunflower seeds and Doublemint gum in his truck. I still chew Doublemint to this day for the sense memory π
I’m so sorry. I’d love to hear your grandpa stories – your aunts/uncles clearly don’t deserve them, anyway.
One of my grandpas died years before I was born (and that’s probably for the better, since by all accounts he was a real piece of work) and I grew up close to the other grandpa, but he ended up being something of a piece of work himself and now I don’t speak to him or most of that side of the family. I miss going to vintage car shows and the beach with him, and I miss his delicious cooking, and I miss drinking terrible wine by the pool with him and my grandma and my great-aunts.
::nodnod:: My grandmother passed away the day before Thanksgiving, so I had a very similar experience not too long ago. I was exhausted when I got back to work even though I’d been “off” for four extra days, because you’re not really “off” even though you’re not at work. I have some homemade pickled garlic scapes as well as some dill style gherkins if you’d like π
i am having a mini staycation in the form of taking a “summer friday” and so far i still woke up at 6:30 out of habit and got some laundry done. i am not very good at staycationing. i do love pickles though. pickles are good.
other things that are good:
– i got my first real haircut after a whole year of growing out a pixie (before that i got the mullet chopped off once but it wasn’t really a haircut) and it is so cute!
– i am going to carmel with my parents and brother on a mini family vacation this coming week.
– i have fun things lined up this weekend! perfume sniffing, concert-going.
– the first season of reading rainbow is going to be on netflix starting august 1st!!!
Carmel such a great place for a relaxing vacation. I don’t think I’ll have one this year, except for possibly a long weekend at my aunt’s lake cabin. My trip to Hawaii (to visit family) had to be postponed to February
yes, carmel is lovely! we’re only staying for a night, so it’s not a long vacation, but i’m still excited. it’s been years (maybe even almost a decade?) since my family last went on vacation all together.
OK those are all wonderful things but honestly the Reading Rainbow bit made me squeal. How awesome!
i am reallllly excited for reading rainbow! it’s going to be ultimate comfort tv.
I’m very excited to show my 7 yr old, his teacher at school has shown them some episodes and he loved them and we sing the song all of the time! Although I would be watching it even if I did not have the little guy.
Hey gang! I just wanted to say thanks to everybody who weighed in on my bed bug anxiety woes from a couple weeks ago. I am still having a bit of a hard time, but it’s MUCH better than it was (though I did finally have to download a Chrome extension to block myself from reading those dang batshit forums…). I have a work trip to Vancouver coming up next week and I am MOSTLY excited and only a little bit anxious-worried, so that’s good! I do still find myself sometimes spiraling off into WHAT IF I GET BEDBUGS SOMEDAY AT SOME INDETERMINATE FUTURE DATE AND THEN MY LIFE WILL BE OVER thought loops, but it’s getting easier to deal with.
Anyway, you guys are the best.
Glad to hear it’s getting better π
Whenever I take a staycation my grand plan is to sit on the couch watching TV so I always succeed. Unless some dark force compels me to go out and watch a movie in a theater, or move to my bucket chair to play videogames. Those failures haunt me.
For a variety of reasons I took a mental health day on Wednesday, and spent a great deal of the afternoon eating buttered white rice and watching Sex And The City. It was so so nice.
Mine too! Altohugh I sometimes make plans to go and see something within an hour’s drive that I don’t want to do on a weekend, like Avebury stone circle. I have vague plans for the Plymouth aquarium next time I take a random day off.
My grand plan is usually to sit on the couch with a book, and about half the time I end up cleaning instead. Which is not terrible, I guess, but I am apparently bad at lazy.
(On just normal weekends when cleaning would actually improve my day-to-day life, of course, I end up on the couch with a book.)
I need to clean NOW, but I am sitting on the sofa toasting and stroking the cat. (The actual cat, that’s not a dirty metaphor.)
Go see a movie by yourself at a mid-day showing in the middle of the week.
My local 21+ theater was showing Lucy, I had a large beer or two and saw that movie in optimal conditions to love it. Oh, and I was the only person in the theater.
I LOVE mid-day solo movies. That’s how I celebrate my birthday.
it’s how I celebrate most Sunday mornings whenever there’s anything on I want to see!
ALSO, I have finally managed to pull off my “get all the ridiculously smart ladies in my program to see Magic Mike XXL together” plan and it is happening tonight and I am SO EXCITED. But I need to pick up snacks, and I’m not sure what to bring other than Oreos (OBVIOUSLY). Suggestions?
I waited too long to see if friends want to go see it and it’s no longer in the theaters here π I regret my life choices.
Cheetos and water
DUH, HOW DID I FORGET THIS THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER
Those single serving wine cups with little foil and plastic lids.
I have my flask primed and ready with sweet tea vodka (another friend is bringing the lemonade to mix it with).
WINE. lots of booze. also, definitely Cheetos.
Twizzlers!! With which to drink your wine.
This gives me a perfect excuse to share this anecdote about why my friend A is awesome. We went to see MMXXL together, and smuggled in pink wine. And she brought M&M’s, and my first reaction was “ehm, you know I can’t eat those right, I’m allergic to peanuts”. But then it turned out they were Almond M&M’s she brought back from a recent trip in the US especially for me so that I could have the experience of snacking round M&M’s at the cinema.
She’s the best. And they were a good snack accompaniment to MMXXL, though I think the Cheetos suggestion is the best so far.
Toasties: after writing one billion articles for various Internet Websites, I’m launching a Patreon to write a novel: https://www.patreon.com/NicoleDieker
I’m still going to continue writing one billion articles for the internet, that’s not going away, but I really wanted to share this project with you because it is something that is SO VERY TOAST. An episodic novel about three sisters growing up over the past 27 years. So like Little Women but without the gritty murder reboot or whatever? A bit more like Betsy-Tacy, if we’re going to be honest about it.
Nicole, I’m not in the financial position to support your work right now (unemployment!) but this is awesome and I wish you the best of luck in getting enough funding to create time to work on your novel!
Thank you! And you can read along without pledging; I’m posting one chapter every week to http://thebiographiesofordinarypeople.tumblr.com/ for everyone to read for free.
Way to go! I’m a big fan of yours from the Billfold and I’ve heard you talk (or, y’know, read you write) about Patreon a bunch of times and always thought it sounded like a neat model. And now you’re my first Patreon! Yay!
Patreon virginity is a patriarchal concept. There are many ways to give support to people whose work you admire, and limiting it to “who has Patreoned” and “who hasn’t Patreoned” is a way to diminish the mulitplicity of generosity out there. (Also THANK YOU.)
Toasters, I am floundering in the brave new world of middle management, where my department is wonderful and hard-working and crucial and receives zero support or respect from the rest of the company. How do I improve my team’s morale when I’m struggling myself? How do I get anyone to listen to us when we are a remote department staffed by independent contractors (and also nearly every woman or minority in the company) begging for better support from the fragile male egos at the main office, with their perks and full benefits and excellent work-life balance?
I’m not a manager, but as an employee, it means so much to know my boss is in my corner even when the rest of the company sucks. Knowing the person in charge of me, specifically, is looking out for my best interests really helps.
Yes. It’s a hard line to walk, but a manager who’s like “I know this is bullshit, let’s do a good job anyway because we’re professionals” is really helpful for me in situations like that.
I love my team dearly and I really hope I’m expressing it enough! I feel like often I fall back on effusive praise because I’m so frustrated in trying to advocate for them in substantial ways, so I’m glad to know that it’s helpful and not the cop-out it feels like. I’d really like to be able to make the company see them as legitimate and valued employees and take their needs seriously, and I keep getting stonewalled, so my advocacy feels increasingly hollow.
Show appreciation to them whenever possible, it feels weird at first but just saying thank you and acknowledging good wok or teamwork or your personal appreciation for a job wells done can mean a lot.
I don’t have much advice for dealing with the people above you, but for the ones below, I think it’s really important to be as transparent as possible about what you can and can’t do. Do as much as you can for them, and be really clear about which things are in your control and which aren’t. Like, “I definitely think you deserve a raise, and I’m going to go to bat for you, but I just want to be really clear that I’m not the one who makes this decision and it may not happen.”
Totally misread the first line as: “are you ever successful at a satyricon?”
…No.
π
The novel, or the metal band?
what would be the measure of success there
you can successfully make Encolpius get it up?
Friends, on the radio all the time they play this song by Elle King which is “Exes and Ohs”, and I have a confession to make: I really like it.
It has got me thinking, though! Here in the US I think that we consistently have a cultural narrative that people who sleep around eventually have to “settle” or be “tamed” — it’s definitely a part of the traditional Don Juan narrative, and I think that in the few instances where women get to just go around and do who they want, it ends up being a part of that narrative, too.
And I am just wondering what the nature of that is; is it an expression of a deep human instinct to pair up? Or is it something murkier? We often look at people who are living a lifestyle like that as being “deeply unhappy” (or, we create narratives in which they ARE deeply unhappy) because they haven’t found their right match — i.e., soulmate, i.e., person who is fulfilling in every way. And it just makes me wonder if actually this is a symptom of an attitude that there’s supposed to be one person who fulfills all your relationship needs, and maybe that’s also…not really true?
I don’t know, this is just what I think about when I hear things on the radio. What do YOU think?
This is less textual deconstruction and more: I heard that song and then downloaded a bunch of stuff off the album and I very much like it. “Where the Devil Don’t Go” and “America’s Sweetheart” are also good.
Finally, Elle King is Rob Schneider’s daughter which sort of gives me a hit of cognitive dissonance every time I think of it.
Right!?!?!Β I definitely try to not remember that every time it comes on, because it is too weird.
Although on a more intellectual note (HA), the narrative of a lot of the casual sex songs I can think of that are sung from the female perspective — so basically this one and Kate Nash’s Pumpkin Soup and Liz Phair’s Rock Me — is that the guys in the narrative are the ones wanting more from the narrator. Like you have to pry them off your person with a crowbar.
That’s something that doesn’t quite ring true for me either. Like sometimes that does happen and sometimes its the other way ’round and sometimes it’s that perfect balance in the middle where something casual works very smoothly and without attachments.
I’ve always liked Lush’s “Single Girl,” as one where it’s literally split down the middle between unhappiness and happiness. Plus it’s catchy.
Well, pop culture in general, including pop music, have a lot of unhealthy ideas about love/romance/sex.
But yeah, there is this idea that monogamy is the natural goal of everyone, and that once you are done “sewing your oats” you will find The One and settle down and start a family.
I think that sometimes people ARE unhappy when they don’t have a partner, not because monogamy is great or soul mates exist or anything, but because it can be exhausting to be the only one on your team.
But also, I think the judgement of “they must be unhappy” comes from a place of jealousy and insecurity. Especially if you sometimes have doubts about the person you have settled down with, you look at someone who is playing the field and tell yourself they aren’t happy in order to assuage your own envy of their life.
I think people DO want to be paired up, or at least in relationships. Humans are social creatures, we want companionship and we want affection and we want sex and we want a teammate. Those are totally normal things to want, and it makes sense that we encourage people to form stable relationships both for child-rearing and for general social stability in the community (think about how much a social group can be rocked if a couple in it breaks up!). But one of the ways we encourage stable couple-dom is by denigrating people who have either opted-out of that system or who simply haven’t gotten into it yet.
I think that’s true, but I also think that we’ve got an over-emphasis on coupledom, and that one of the ways that we might encourage stable coupledom (i.e., if we presume that this sort of “base pair” idea is good and worth encouraging) is through a sort of relationship easing, in which all of the expectations of the relationship aren’t on the couple.
(To be clear, I’m not talking specifically about polyamory and the sexual needs of the relationship; I am neutral as to the monamory or polyamory question.Β In this case, I’m kind of talking about the OTHER parts of a relationship, like all the “this person is my partner and also my best friend and also my teammate and also this or that or that”, that maybe that is the unreasonable expectation for a relationship.)
I agree. We have this expectation that you should find your Person and they should be able to fulfill all of your core emotional needs, and that any relationships outside that must be shallow-er and less fulfilling.
That puts an enormous strain on the relationship. And it doesn’t make sense. Yes, your romantic partner should be your friend. But most people already know that different friends have different niches that they fill. One friend might be great for Real Talk, another really good for geeking out with, another shares a hobby and is great to do that with. But it’s okay if they don’t all fill every need. Having deep, meaningful relationships with your siblings, friends, etc shouldn’t be seen as a threat to your romantic relationship, but in some circles, it often is.
Yes, I’ve been thinking about this a bit as my parents have both expressed that they are ‘sad’ I don’t have a partner. (This is in the context of other arguments β and the word ‘partner’ indicates that they have no idea if I’m straight or gay, because these things have never been discussed in our relationship before. I thought parents were supposed to get less not more nosy as time goes on?)
Anyway, while thinking through my feelings about partners, parents, the fact that they’ve been together since they were 23/22 and I am indeed a sad-sack spinster, another Toastie posted this review article about spinsterhood and friendship which was really provocative (not in a sexual or shocking way) to me https://lareviewofbooks.org/essay/on-spinsters
I have to go Do Work now, so I can’t share my deep and meaningful thoughts about how dating is framed as a path toward a goal etc. etc., but I wanted to tell you I heard that song for the first time yesterday and also really liked it.
I’ve been thinking about the idea of partnership a lot recently. I’m starting to actually believe that there isn’t supposed to be this one man (in my case) to make my life fulfilling in every way. It’s refreshing after spending so much (too much?) time in North American Christian culture. I love the way you put it, “And it just makes me wonder if actually this is a symptom of an attitude”.
The hard part is I feel like I can’t extract whether my desire to be partnered is a symptom of the culture I was raised in or if it is what I actually want. I love being solo most of the time. But I think I would also like someone to share the burden of life. Just those little life things that seem easier in a partnership. I don’t know! I am taking a break from dating after a year of intense-ish online dating and I’m trying to spent this time focusing on making my life as awesome as I can – starting yoga again, working on my art and making the most of my day job, seeing friends, etc. Trying to see if I can extract whether the desire is symptomatic or not.
Plus, I love that song too!
Related: that new movie with Amy Schumer, Trainwreck. I haven’t seen it yet, but the trailers have me concerned it will have a lot of super judgy stuff to say about casual sex/non-monogamy and really I get enough of that elsewhere thanks
At least one of my friends really liked it, but at least one OTHER of my friends said, “Wait, she’s a ‘trainwreck’ because she boned a bunch of guys?Β That…doesn’t seem to follow.”
Right? I’m hoping it doesn’t turn out to be as shaming as it seems but I doubt I’ll pay to see it in case it is.
Toasties! I am out of hospital! It feels good, but I’m still a little frail. I’m liking paxil so far, and I’ve also seen an endochrinologist who put me on a low dose of hormones, because apparently my thyroid is a problem. I have an appointment with my new doctor, in a week. I’m a little nervous, because I’ve had some bad doctors before, but I’m trying to stay optimistic. Do any of you have any sort of… I guess interview type questions that you ask new doctors to see if you trust them? I always get so nervous and tounge-tied, so I’m thinking I should have a script.
upsofloating! So happy to hear from you. It’s OK to be a little frail. I trust you to be gentle with yourself. Keeping up with all the doc appointments and trying out new docs sounds tedious. I also trust you to make your medical care a priority, no matter how tiring.
If you’re nervous about meeting new docs, avoiding bad docs, does it help to reframe the situation? Those docs are auditioning for a position on upsofloating’s medical team. You have the only vote. They impress you or they’re eliminated.
Wishing you continued success and good feelings. ::hugs::
I’ve had problems with pdocs mainly in these areas: power struggles, arguing, not up to date knowledge, personality conflicts and the doctor not listening. When I’m not frail or vulnerable, I handle these things pretty assertively, but when I’m am frail? What are the red flags then?
The doctor not listening is a big thing at frailty times. And that’s usually easy to suss out, namely, is the doctor *acknowledging the struggles* you’re having and does s/he recognize your frailty? If the doc can’t be there for you when you’re at your most vulnerable, then s/he might not be a good fit for you. If you don’t feel reassured by the pdoc, s/he might not be a good fit.
The other things you will learn to recognize, the power struggles, the arguing — but baby steps at first, and always always put yourself first and don’t worry about the doctor’s ego.
Wishing you luck, I’ll be thinking about you and sending you best wishes.
i’m not any help with doctor interview questions. i’m here to say…
I’M VERY HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU! i’ll continue sending you well wishes and happy thoughts π
I wish I could think of better questions (have had some pretty bad experiences, too) but I have found a pretty good indicator is if they ask natural seeming follow up questions (or say something like, “okay, I want to hear more about that later), not just “yeah yeah yeah” and seem follow a script, or ask about things you’ve already mentioned. Also, when you do find a good one, they can be a good source for recommendations.
Also, if you can mention you have some anxiety/bad history to the appointment booker, how they react is sometimes a useful sign, IME–they may offer to send you some paperwork in advance so it’s out of the way, or to have a nurse do some of the intake (sometimes nurses are less intimidating and more patient), or schedule you at the beginning or end of the day or some time when the doctor might be less rushed. Generally, if they seem like they recognize your anxiety is a genuine problem and they want to help accommodate you, it’s a better sign of the office mood than if they seem really brusque or cut you off.
Toasties, I am in the worst place mentally lately. I feel like I need to delete facebook or at least just remove the app from my phone for a while because it feels like every other woman I know is having babies or announcing pregnancies right now, and it is really hard not to feel really downtrodden and sad for myself when I keep seeing all these happy, healthy babies and know that had I carried to term I would have been right there with them celebrating new births and milestones and not languishing in sadness instead. And then I feel really guilty for not being happy for everyone else and that makes me sad, too.
That, and my body has been acting really fucking weird lately. My late period was just that, a late period, not a pregnancy, but it wasn’t normal, and it started and then stopped and then started again, so I’ve been to the doctor’s what feels like a million times in the last 2 weeks to rule out things like ectopic pregnancies and I’m just so tired, and I’m so sad, and I just … it’s hard.
I think uninstalling the app sounds like a really smart move, and then maybe considering deleting altogether. You’ve got every right to feel the way that you do and to take the steps that you need to take. Good friends will definitely understand.
It’s totally fair to uninstall the app and deactivate your account for a while, if that’s what you need. You do what you need to to take care of yourself, and that’s what matters.
*jedi hugs*
An internet hug for you, if that’s okay…sounds like you’re having a rough go of it (and yes to removing the app from your phone, you can always add it back when you’re ready).
I deleted the app and it helped a ton.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think it can be really, really healthy to disconnect from fb, to whatever degree you want. Life is hard enough already, you know, give yourself a break and avoid some things you know will make you upset if you can.
Does your partner know how bad you feel? Do you have someone to talk with? Yes, delete the FB app. Your instincts are good. ::internet hugs::
Yeah, he knows. He and I are very open and communicative about all this and we’ve been considering counseling to help on top of just supporting each other. I just deleted the app on my phone. Hopefully this helps. Thanks. <3
Good for you. You may want to turn off those email fbook likes to send telling you about “what you’ve missed” too.
*internet hugs*
I’ve been thinking of you and hoping the pregnancy test was good β you’ve got an internet stranger rooting for you! I think one should never ever feel guilty for not enjoying other people’s good news. This is a cruel hard thing you’re in, so it’s okay to feel that. Lots of good wishes from me.
Do what you need to do to not feel hurt and don’t feel guilty about it. Sending warm thoughts your way, that’s so sad.
Social media makes dealing with fertility issues so, so hard. I think your feelings make a ton of sense, and I think taking some sort of break is absolutely a good idea. I have hidden/unfollowed many people because I don’t begrudge them their happiness but I can’t stomach looking at it myself. Self-care and self-preservation are so important!
Try not to feel guilty for feeling the way the you do. I know it’s easier said than done, but these are your feelings. Acknowledge them, feel them, and try to let them go. Take care of yourself!
I just wanted to update and say thank you, first of all, to everyone that has commented, and to let you all know that I went ahead and removed the FB app from my phone. I hesitate to actually deactivate my account altogether because my extended family basically uses it as their main form of contact, but not having it on my phone will help curb my use of it by a lot already (as that’s 98% of the way I access anything internet-based these days).
Thank you again. You guys are the best. <3
<3 I hope it helps! I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and hoping you and C are well.
Once when I was going through a complicated breakup I went through and hid pretty much everyone from my newsfeed, and then went back and added back in individual people who wouldn’t be painful or aggravating to see. It was time consuming but it did a good job of removing crazy-making exposure; I didn’t have to muster the self control to stay off of fb altogether, but it didn’t make me crazy when I did look at it, and had the added bonus of making it less interesting, so I spent less time there anyway. I ended up slowly adding people back in as I felt better and better.
Another one in the camp of go ahead and delete it. I was also upset by the number of babies and pregnancies, but for the opposite reason? I don’t really want kids, but I’m not comfortable with it yet, and it felt like there was just a constant stream of pressure from FB. Once I removed it, it was a just… like… fresh air and twenty pounds off my shoulders.
So there’s my testimonial. Give it a shot – it really can’t hurt! All the best to you in what you’re facing.
It’s been a strange week. My fiance got a great job offer yesterday, with another one or two potentially on the horizon. On the other hand, my aunt died suddenly. We don’t know yet what happened – she was found dead in her apartment yesterday, and it appears to have been natural causes, but we won’t know for sure until they do the autopsy. She just turned 60, and had only retired last year. I’m having so many feelings, they’re more or less cancelling each other out and I just want the week to be over so I can curl up for a few days until I sort myself out a little better.
I’m really sorry for your loss.
My sister in law’s mom died this week. It’s making me want to 1) hug everyone I love, really hard, a lot and 2) make the fucking most out of every day and 3) cry in my bed.
Oh, dear, I’m so sorry. What a terrible shock. I hope you get a chance to rest and sort out all those feelings this weekend.
1) hi guys so I posted that Washington Post article on personal essays (see today’s link roundup) on FB because I was quoted in it – also it’s just an interesting piece about editing/writing personal essays, about which I have many many thoughts and feelings – and lo, it so happens that my junior high crush was VERY IMPRESSED. my chosen career has finally led to him acknowledging my badassery after some two decades! everything I have done in my life to reach this point was TOTALLY WORTH IT.
2) certain members of our family are suggesting that we somehow bootstrap our way out of our daughter’s autism diagnosis being a financial challenge and I am trying SO HARD not to tell them to go to hell, help me please
Maybe…do tell them to go to hell?
I know that’s not helpful, but those people sound really terrible, and I am so so sorry that you have to deal with them. It sounds like you’re already handling it with grace.
I am not handling it with anything approaching grace, but thank you for the support. <3
You know, some things don’t need to be handled with grace.
“Thanks for the advice. When we’re done pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps we’ll be sure to strangle you with them.”
Reply to them only with a link to your PayPal. They want you to bootstrap it, they can pay you for listening to their opinions.
I really loved what you had to say in the article (and the pair of articles in the series in general), so thank you!!
I don’t know how to help on the second thing at all, but that really sucks. :-/ When my family stuff makes me feel like garbage I like to listen to angry music, especially angry music by women. I’m not sure if that’s at all helpful, but in any case <3
thanks for reading it!
angry music would be great, I need like a whole angry playlist, because shouting obscenities doesn’t work so well when you have small children.
It’s not by women, unfortunately, but when I’m mad I like to listen to Death Grips (album art NSFW, if you’re googling) or METZ.
Death Gripz is good angry music!
“I am trying SO HARD not to tell them to go to hell, help me please ”
Yes, I will help you. *I* will tell them to go to hell.
You know this, but here it is from an internet stranger in case it helps: You are an awesome parent.
I am trying SO HARD not to tell them to go to hell, help me please
nope won’t
tell them TELL THEM
β¦ okay, I get that sometimes it’s important not to tell people the truth that they should go to hell, soooooo: My stock phrases are along the lines of “It’s not that simple,” “I’m not looking for advice,” and “That’s not applicable.” (A close inspection will reveal that they all kinda mean “go to hell” or, um, something slightly saltier.)
IT’S WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER DAY!
I WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE BEFORE GOING TO WORK AND ALMOST CRIED DURING THE CREDITS, THEY ARE PERFECT
I stayed up until 2 to watch at least the first episode because I couldn’t stand going to bed knowing it would be bestowed upon us so soon. So now I’m really tired but really pleased. They credits were indeed PERFECT. Also it’s disgusting how ageless most of the actors are.
It just makes the fact that Michael Showalter is the only one who looks RADICALLY different even stranger/more wonderful.
I need to watch the movie again because it’s been a while for me, and my wife hasn’t seen it. So we are going to do that first then jump into the show.
HOW MANY POLO SHIRTS IS JOSH CHARLES WEARING
THREE I COUNTED IT’S THREE
I watched The Last Unicorn a couple days ago and it is everything to me right now.
Ahhh, that is one of my favorites. Have you read the book? it’s so so good.
MOLLY GRUE
MOLLY FOREVER
and Mia Farrow’s shitty ass singing. Oh man I love that movie. And the butterfly!
βͺβ«βͺβ« “now that I’m a woman~~~~ everything is changed~~~~” βͺβ«βͺβ«βͺβ«
I really wish I was watching this movie right now instead of working.
King Haggard all being like YOUR EYES….EYES THAT HAVE NEVER….NEVER SEEN…A UNICORN!!!!!!!!!!! *GASP*
I love herrrrr. one of my top fictional characters for sure.
The impression Molly Grue made on me – the way she says, you come to me now, when I am this? when she meets the unicorn – man, I felt my heart break, and I was like, 6. And then she just goes on being gruffly kind and getting shit done and if I can ever be half the woman Molly Grue is, I’ll be grateful.
MY KID IS REALLY INTO THE LAST UNICORN RIGHT NOW AND IT IS AN EXERCISE IN MUCH TEAR STIFLING
YESSSS THE BEST. I love those shitty songs! I visit the Cloisters so that I can gaze at the unicorn tapestries and sigh heavily! The Red Bull scared the shit out of me (and was totally ripped off by Jackson’s Balrog in LOTR JUST SAYIN) but not nearly as much as the HARPY. OH MY GOD THE HARPY. Molly Grue being the best! Schmendrick being…well, a schmendrick! I AM THE ONLY UNICORN TO KNOW REGRET. AND LOVE.
*weeps forever*
Thank you for giving me a place to air my love for this movie, which is undying and roundly mocked by my friends.
HUZZAH! now I have plans to rewatch that as well as Flight of Dragons (John Ritter on a nerd-hero’s journey with James Earl Jones as a truly creepifying baddie)
I love me some Last Unicorn, but I’m always particularly way more overjoyed than I have any right to be when I hear someone mention Flight of Dragons.
I have just so many feelings about that movie.
encouraging my spouse’s opinion of this movie to evolve from “what the hell?!” to “cool and awesome!” is one of my proudest accomplishments.
My sister has a cat named Gorbash she loves that movie so much.
I ADORE flight of dragons.
You all need to check this out then: http://www.lastunicorntour.com/
I am super sad that he’s had to cancel most of the Europe leg of the tour, but it looks awesome and if I am back in the US at the right time I am totally going to see it in the cinema.
I also have a giant fancy illustrated/graphic novel version and I don’t so much re-read it as take it out and pet it occasionally. The precious…
I saw the tour in May and Peter was like, I’M REALLY OLD AND REALLY TIRED BUT I LOVE THIS BUT I’M TIRED? So I’m sort of relieved for his sake that he’s not doing AS much? But sad for the European fanpeople, because he’s so lovely and it’s such a good experience! I hope you find a convenient tour location and have a wonderful time.
I saw it in Chicago and he was so, so lovely. We shared cat stories while he signed an extra copy of Tamsin for my cousin.
My 13 year old daughter watches it all.the.time. I might be ready for a little break.
YES! My best friend and I have been watching this movie together all the time since middle school. I identify so strongly with the wine drinking skeleton.
Online or offline dating thread!
I just got a probably-generic message saying I’m “cute like a little puppy”, so! Share your stories.
Advice request! I’m still having trouble feeling insecure in my relationship with my regular date, who is married and poly. We have been seeing each other for about 10 months. It’s always when I think about how he is interested in other women and interested in pursuing them. At this point, I feel like all I can do is try not to give into fear and genuinely just not to think about the fear. Maybe before I would have said to myself I’m hiding from something, but I think I might really be dwelling unproductively.
I’ve been more vulnerable lately because I’ve been feeling lonelier, seemingly every man I like already has a primary partner and will not be able to make me a top priority in their life, and I’m still upset at how much I initially liked the last guy I dated and how uncomfortable I was around him by the end. The last few evenings when I had nothing to do and was bored, I did the Lonely Single thing and blamed it on being unlovable and pitiable instead of well, a regular ol’ person just having a boring evening.
What can I do? I think the answer is something as silly as just taking a walk when I start to be grumbly. Maybe finally take up running.
Once a guy on okcupid called me “cute like a mouse.” I am not a mousy person at all.
also I am going for drinks with a dude I like next week and I DON’T WANT TO JINX ANYTHING but maybe it will go well (I have strong anecdotal evidence that he’s into me too at least a little bit), and I still have yet to pick out a suitable Bar Outfit
Maybe don’t open by comparing a woman you don’t know to a helpless little animal? Just seems like an odd thing to say, of all the things.
But one of my friends thinks he sounds “like a sweetheart” and that I have a problem, so maybe I am a problem.
Maybe we can solicit Bar Outfit ideas!!!
Once a guy compared me to a snowball and said he didn’t want to be the one to throw me against the wall. In person, even.
OH online dating. I went on a date on Wednesday and got a bit too drink (oops). He was nice and fun, but nothing romantic there.
I have a date on Sunday and he suggested going to the beer garden, which is very convenient for me, but also strikes me as an odd place to suggest a first date?
Sounds like an ideal first date to me: not as generic as a random coffee shop, but still with lots of people around and stuff to look at/talk about. But then, I like beer, so π
I made a profile on OKC on Tuesday, and while unsurprisingly nothing major’s happened since then, I have chatted to a couple of guys who seem quite nice. One of them’s doing an MFA in Creative Writing, and it seems like we’ve got a similar sense of humour, which is a good start, I think. Slightly concerned he might think I’m a bit simplistic when we talk about books, but he seems genuinely lovely.
I’m sorry about the fears you’ve been having, though, that sounds rough. I hope they let up soon. If it’s any help, when I was in a similar-ish position I did find walking helped, when I could actually motivate myself to do it.
Thank you! Your wishes are kind.
Ooh, book fears are something I have that get heightened around people I know who are Well-Read or Do Books for a living. I have found that the nice ones just don’t mind and seem to enjoy your company regardless, especially if you are open and sincere about your own love of books. That sounds like some nice early promise!
My advice would be to show him the “Guy in Your MFA” Twitter account and see if he finds it funny.
idk if it’s worth anything, but I have an MFA in creative writing (from big name place, even) and I’m pretty happy if anyone will talk books with me at all.
I finally took the plunge and made an OKC profile last weekend. It took me several days, but I got up the courage to message A Lady! And I did not die of the ensuing romantic rejection, which was very nice and maybe I’ll make a new friend! It is harder to message people than I thought it would be. It is very easy, and strangely satisfying, to ignore all the generic messages from Men.
Any advice for newbies would be greatly appreciated.
I found that I had to be much more proactive than I expected in terms of messaging people when I was doing the queer-lady online dating thing, but I came out of it with zero horror stories, and on the whole I recommend it!
Hey! This sounds so exciting! Also, yes, ignoring generic messages is amazing.
I don’t think I have any advice to share right now but perhaps other Toasties might.
Talk to people, even people you may not have Pants Feelings for, if they seem cool. Practice helps SO MUCH. Easier said than done, but try to avoid starry-eyed romanticism. Don’t view a profile frequently without messaging, and don’t read much into people viewing your profile; say hi if you feel like it. If you think you might want to date someone, meet up in person pretty quickly. It is SO easy to fall into a long, torrid (or sweet) pen-pal correspondence, and then meet, only to find you have absolutely no chemistry. Practice, practice, practice.
Have friends view your profile, get feedback. Post at least one close up and one full body picture. Let me know if you want more advice. (I have a decent amount of OKC experience.)
That is SUPER helpful, thanks! π I knew The Toast wouldn’t let me down.
Yay! The queer-lady-online-dating thing can be awesome. Yes to everything that Alluvial_Fan said, especially the rule about meeting in person sooner than later. And first messages don’t have to be something spectacular. Just a simple hello and a question about their profile to get them talking works well (but you probably already knew + did that).
I feel weird about a situation, and I don’t think I should feel weird about it, but I still do. basically, I met this dude online last fall and hooked up with him. He was younger (late 20s, I’m mid-30s). I didn’t tell my friends bc it was it was brief and bc I’m embarrassed about the age difference. Since then, my friend’s boyfriend joined a band with the dude’s sister, which, practically speaking means I’m going to have to see him, and it will probably come out that we dated, and I feel like a predatory older woman who creeped on a younger dude, (which is not accurate, but it’s my self talk at the moment). Plus, a few years ago I hooked up with my friend’s brother (who is my age), so I also feel like the predatory older woman who creeps on people’s brothers.
He might find it just as awkward as you do. Perhaps play it cool if you see him, and just say, “Oh, hi, how are you doing? Glad to see you’re well.” He might take the cue from you too if he’s wondering.
If people ask if you knew this guy or this guy says he knows you, sure, you can say you saw each other for a bit, and then didn’t. The end. If anyone makes a fuss, act like you’re confused or they’re the weird ones. “Oh, we saw each other for a very short time.” Then change the topic to the band, weather, or what everyone’s weekend plans are.
(I mean, I do think this is slightly beside the point, but also, that age difference is especially remarkable. Men in their late 20s, unless they are your students or in some other position of reduced power relative to you, totally can own their own thing.)
Unremarkable, not remarkable, right?
No power differential, except that I have way more shit figured out than he does which, really, isn’t a factor of age.
Uhhh, yes. Unremarkable. What a terrible typo!
I’ve been in a few situations where I felt like I was the one with more shit figured out. For me, I tried to act kindly and also cut myself from the situation if I seemed to be the one with the clarity of feeling that it wasn’t working.
My partner is almost 9 years younger, and we meet when I was 32. It was a BIG difference at that time, but between dating long distance and years passing, I’d say the main fall-out of the age gap is he doesn’t get my 80’s cultural references. That’s a convoluted way of saying it matters less than you think. And most people will take their cues from you–if you act like it’s a weird an awkward thing, you’ll see it reflected back. But treat it like any other dating misadventure–2 people hung out for a while, nothing came of it–and people will roll with it.
Also, 2 brothers does not a pattern make. 9 brothers, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe. But not 2. You are hereby cleared of creeping on brothers.
Thank you to both of you–your perspectives were very helpful in getting me out of my head. I went to their concert on Friday, the dude I dated was there, and it was surprisingly not awkward AT ALL. He came up to me as I was leaving and we talked for maybe half an hour.
Yay! Sounds like an excellent outcome.
I have been having a lot of Those Nights lately (hi, why do you think I took to the sea) so I can’t really do more than empathize. Solidarity fistbump. π
Datefriend took me out to dinner last night and we hung out/did things until 12:30AM (we met for dinner at like 5:30PM so). He is a Good Egg but could probably benefit from a few more Altoids.
I seem to have reached the age where a lot of the OKC attention I’m getting is:
a) married dudes
b) clothed dudes with no-head pictures (AKA PROBABLY MARRIED)
c) naked torsos that took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up on OKC not Fetlife (they are always ALWAYS doms as well, which gets the side-eye as I suspect some of them are looking for subs who aren’t as experienced in boundary setting)
It’s amazing how many OKC dudes seem to think their profile pics are supposed to look like the ones on Grindr.
They’re actually headless. But it’s okay, the headless need love, too!
Confession: I had weird feels for the Headless Horseman on Sleepy Hollow and was much less attracted to him when his ghostly head appeared π
Understandable! I mean, they’re probably pretty quiet and good listeners.
ok i just had to stop myself from bursting out laughing at my desk
(*whispers* thank you)
(You’re very welcome!) π
But you would be head-less in bed, though.
Maybe I should picture them all as this guy:
I’ve definitely dated WORSE dancers.
AHHHHH! I just got my first headless message! RELEVANT GIF IS RELEVANT.
Spiro Theodore Agnew: do not want!
if dudes had no heads, and therefor no mouths, they would be much improved on the whole *sigh*
solution: spend more time with us on twitter, you are delightful and I like you lots
(its me liz)
Ahhh, liz! I like you lots too! *_*
I will remind myself when I am next in the doldrums.
I have thoughts!
So, constantly being a secondary partner can be really hard. Some people are perfectly happy to live on their own and have a number of different partners, but if you aren’t getting your social/romantic/sexual needs met by your current set of partners/friends, it can be hard, especially when you are trying to be respectful of your partners’ other relationships but need more than you are getting.
It is Okay to decide that you don’t want to do that and to seek out only people who can make you a priority. It might mean you spend more time alone, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
What do you think would help make you feel more secure in your relationship? Are those things that you think he could give you? Aside from that, try to remember that being interested in other women isn’t a reflection on whether or not he is interested in you. And, as you said, try not to dwell on the fear.
Working out is a great way to help boost your mood and keep yourself from brooding. Also cultivating any other hobbies that you have or are interested in. I also recommend finding ways to have fun dates with yourself or your friends. This is more useful if you’re in a relationship and feeling insecure/anxious because your partner is out on a date with someone else, but finding a way to distract yourself and make it a good night for you are very helpful (especially if you might otherwise feel abandoned or left out)
Thank you so much! This is truly lovely advice. I’ve asked a few times about this part of my life now, and I think you may have answered before, as well as other Toasties, and every time, I’ve been touched how gentle, compassionate, and level every response is.
I think it is my new goal to reduce unproductive brooding, except when it is by a great roaring fireplace in a castle on a stormy night.
First I read that as the message-sender telling you THEY were “cute like a puppy”, which I would actually like a lot better.
Ugh, my very promising first date last week turned into a dud second date. It was overall a decent time, but just very confusing because after a lot of making out on the first date, the guy made no moves at all and didn’t really respond at all to my general flirtiness. Which was kinda embarrassing for me because it took me awhile to notice that the vibe wasn’t the same as the first date. He just moved to the city and just went through a breakup recently so I’m trying to assume it had something to do with that and he wasn’t suddenly repulsed by me, but it was unpleasant. My therapist has encouraged me to spend the week thinking about my patterns with dating “as if you were watching a movie” and all I can think is “this movie sucks”.
Boo dating. Seems like we’re in similar places! I’ve been trying to focus on all of the things I really love about my life, which are many, but it’s hard for me to do that without starting to just shut myself off from the idea of dating entirely. So no good advice for you, really.
I have recently gotten some 50 bites on an ancient gk2gk profile and feel awkward, because I feel generally messed-up and gross right now, and then I feel rude for not writing back, and I feel arrogant for saying “meh” for superficial? reasons and ugh. Also, I feel it would be safer to have at least a half body photo so they know I’m not skinny, but because I hate photos, the only ones of those in existence involve my wee niece, which would be confusing at best, since she looks way more like me than her parents.
I lost interest in Tinder for a while (like, haven’t used it since April) and then came back to it this week, only to find like, the one interesting person I talked to had actually sent me a message saying “hey, maybe we can have coffee next week?” back around when I stopped using it. I didn’t see the message! Now I feel bad.
Oh nooooo! That is awkward. Maybe send a message anyway if you’d like to see them anyway?
Something like that happened to me (over a week or so) and we ended up clearing that up and there obvious were no hard feelings either way. It didn’t work out anyway for other reasons, but the “you didn’t reply to my message” wasn’t it.
EDIT: wait, what am i saying, it was since April, don’t listen to me
I re-activated my OKC account last night for, like, five seconds, and it was A DISASTER. The first message I got was “I think you’re cute. Too bad you’re one of those shy girls”. Uh, sorry, bruh. Let me just go ahead and change my whole personality for you then (???). And I mentioned my love of the Heroic Age of Antarctic Exploration, which caused a gentleman by the name of Doctor Penguin to message me “I’m from Antarctica and it’s mating season. I’ve never done a biologist before”. And you’re not gonna, Dr. Penguin! IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME. Also, someone spam-messaged me “kinky moped for rent!” which is just… I can’t even… sigh.
Anyway, my account is re-deactivated! You guys are so much braver than I am! *high fives everywhere*
“I think you’re cute. Too bad you’re one of those shy girls”.
I feel like my negging sense is tingling with that crap. Like you have to somehow prove you’re not like those other shy girls so fuck that noise. Deactivating when you feel like is always the correct move.
Re pickles: the oshinko at Izakaya Mita in Chicago were so good I briefly considered never eating anything else for the rest of my life, so I’d recommend those!!
Amazing Cornichons at Toulouse Petite in Seattle are what got to to actually start liking pickles. Yay for delicious pickles!
Le Pichet also has excellent cornichons.
Oh, will have to add to the list.
Wedding gift ideas??
Mister_Swine and I will soon be attending his boss’s backyard wedding. This man is a good 25 years older than us (and has a considerably higher income), and he’s been together/living with his partner (a woman) for something like 22 years. I have NO idea what would be appropriate here. Literally my only thought has been “…nice alcohol?” but, like, that doesn’t seem very wedding-y AND I’m not even sure they drink.
Help?
My go-to present is a small cooking thing (off the registry) & a cookbook I like. (Like, a nice muffin tin & your favorite baking book with a card saying “Try page 73!”)
Having gotten married pretty recently, I can say that my husband and I LOVED receiving nice alcohol. (Might wanna be sure that they actually do drink beforehand, though.)
One of my favorite gifts from my wedding was one of my mom’s friends painted flowers on one of our wedding invitations and framed it in a nice frame.
A nice bottle of champagne, for sure, as long as you know they drink. If they don’t, a restaurant gift certificate or some kind of food/wine gift basket (Dean & DeLuca, DiBruno Brothers, etc) would also work.
Gonna n-th all the suggestions for food and/or drink here. Every human eats, so even a person who has every physical object they will ever need will get use out of something delicious and edible (or a gift certificate for such).
Fancy olive oil and vinegar if they don’t drink!
Or fancy vanilla!
I do not think you can ever go wrong with a tasteful frame, but that might be because I grew up in a house with lots of framed photos. Sooo if you know them to be the frame-y photos type, go nuts! Otherwise one of my favourite wedding gifts was a bottle of Dom, so YES to nice alcohol.
Toooooast it’s Friday, it’s Open Thread time. Here are some things:
* There was a terrible instance of manspreading IN MY OWN HOME yesterday.
* I finished Uprooted last night! It lives up to the hype. Didn’t love every minute of it like some folks raving on goodreads apparently did, but man that was just a well-built world and story and I like how it used the “clumsy, unattractive Chosen One” and “love/hate relationship” tropes without pissing me off with them.
* Dad News: dad is planning one last travel thing before his health goes all the way downhill, and it is to an old car museum, of course, though he is really going for the old train stuff it also has. I’m going to visit this weekend and he’s requested a drawing of himself being pushed down a railroad track in a wheelbarrow. He wants me to sketch this in pencil first so he can review the railroad stuff in the background for accuracy. DADS, you guys.
* I just saw a blimp drift by. Lollapalooza related? Who knows, anyway, it looks like a lovely day to go blimpin’.
That is an AMAZING picture.
He is the most absurd cat, I have no idea how he manages to NAP like that.
catspreading!
He needs to air out the balls he doesn’t have!
Wow!!! If I see a guy doing that on the subway, I’m tucking a bill… somewhere.
Toastfriends, last weekend I visited a friend in Seattle and had a heck of a time. And yesterday I made a dumb tweet about how I wanted to see a reboot of Weird Science with Gabourey Sidibe and Rebel Wilson accidentally creating Channing Tatum, and it BLEW UP to the extent that Gaby Sidibe RETWEETED IT. I feel a little bubbly upsurge of pride whenever I think about it.
This weekend I have to take a test GRE so I know what to study, but after that I am going to the pool to flop around. How are you beating the weather where you are?
I saw that! Congrats!! and that would be an awesome movie
I am truly honored to kind of know you on the internet!!
It really was a beautiful moment. *sniff*
“Gabourey Sidibe and Rebel Wilson accidentally creating Channing Tatum”
This would be a fantastic movie.
GUYS the new King’s Quest game is so pretty!
OooooooOOOOOooooooh.
Yes.
Wait, is this a Roberta Williams game?!? OMG please say yes.
Not…really? It’s Roberta-approved and is Actvision/Sierra endorsed but it’s produced by The Odd Gentleman. It’s really a delightful game so far! So much of the charm of the originals, and if you played the games and remember them you’ll be pleasantly surprised all the way through.
We only ever had KQ1 and KQ5 (and I wasn’t very good at either), but I recently watched a very charming series of recaps/play throughs and now WANT! Pretty! (Same guy also had the weird Alice in Wonderland game that defeated me and my older brother. It was sooo long!)
My poor little doggy has been pretty sick for the past few days and it’s been heartbreaking. He’s on meds and sloooowly getting better, but it’s still not fun watching my formerly energetic and happy dog mope around the house and nap all day. The husband is doing fieldwork in Northern Alaska so I am exhausted mentally and physically (sick dog=restless at night dog).
So if you could post something that makes YOU happy I would be much obliged. It always makes me feel better to see what is giving joy to others, and often it brings joy to me as well.
Poor puppy, I hope he is back to bouncing soon.
This pony and donkey in love makes me happy today.
This gif makes me happy:
I feel like none of my friends really share my interests and it makes me kind of sulky. I feel myself becoming a hermit slowly, which probably isn’t good either.
I feel like I know that feeling too. (Hooray for me being an introvert with myriad weird interests, I guess?) What are your interests you wish they shared? π
I wouldn’t call myself really an introvert, but I have moments, and I’m actually pretty OK with doing stuff by myself (I go to concerts alone all the time), but as I age and get more and more comfortable with it I wonder if I’m even losing the capacity to have friendships. Which I guess isn’t good?
Music and associated activities (concerts, etc) would be one, and like, going out to interesting bars and having cocktails would be another. My friends never seem into it/available and I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard.
Me too. The people I know around here are very nice, but I really don’t have a lot in common with them. I find myself living inside my head a lot more than is healthy. And spending a lot of time on Twitter, which is actually probably pretty healthy.
My one friend who shared my “chill and watch movies all day” interest has a new boyfriend and has decided she now exclusively likes doing the things he likes doing (which are not that). So I feel ya π
Ugh Toasties I have had a rough couple of months revolving around moving, dealing with some major expenses I was not expecting, having to borrow money from every possible source, realizing how heavily in debt and how very bad at managing money I am (as in for a long time I just spent it and hoped for the best) – and now having to sell my car. I’ve been ridiculously anxious and distracted at work and I can’t even really enjoy my new place or look forward to the vacation I’m taking to Costa Rica in 2 weeks (another poor/badly timed financial decision!). And I’m having issues with a close friend I don’t know how to begin to talk to her about and which I think come down in some ways to me needing space from her and to make other friends (which I am not very good at!). Just, ugh ugh ugh ugh. Needed to let that out. On that note – if any of you all live in the DC area and are in need of a good used car, I’m selling my lovely little 2011 Hyundai Elantra.
So sorry about all the rough stuff in your life! Your vacation to Costa Rica sounds nice at least! Sending positive vibes your way! I’m not looking for a car right now, but might be in the next month (depending on a possible job offer and a few other things), so if that all happens and you’re still looking to get rid of it in a few weeks, I might be interested!
Oof, that sounds tough. Sending you positive vibes. <3
I asked this far too late in the link roundup yesterday, so re-asking: what Kate Bush album should I start with if I only know Running Up That Hill but looooove it?
Also would love to hear recommendations for similar artists. I think the reason I like Florence + the Machine and the reason I like that one Kate Bush song are related.
Also thank you to the Toasties last week who gave me Montreal recommendations. I went to TWO cat cafes, among other many satisfying adventures.
Suzanne Vega! The album with Undertow and Small Blue Thing on it. I honestly think it’s the most underrated album of all time.
I would say start with Hounds of Love, and then branch out from there.
I was going to say this as well! Hounds of Love, follow it up with The Kick Inside, go from there.
Hounds of Love is my forever karaoke song, so.
I recommend the songza channel “The Revolutionary Daughters of Kate Bush”
It is my favourite and it’s full of weird awesome lady singers.
I listen to this playlist all. the. time.
I typed “Kate Bush” into Music-Map.com, which generates a dynamic map of similar/also-like musicians, and I got this: http://www.music-map.com/kate+bush.html
Note: you can also click on the other artists in the map and the map will change&rearrange to suit! such a fun internet toy.
THIS IS FASCINATING. I once hypothesized that one could draw a straight line, musically speaking, from Debbie Harry to Lady Gaga. It may now be possible.
My own intro to Kate Bush was “Never For Ever” when I was 15 (and it had just come out). It’s very soundtrack-y, strange and wonderful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-p9K_Ieloo
My best friend is officially leaving New York. We’ve known this was coming for ages: her boyfriend was a summer associate at a firm in Chicago, and the plan was always for them to finally be in the same place again when he finished law school, and now they’re moving. Like, she’s in Chicago right now buying furniture and such for their new apartment, which they got the keys to yesterday. She’s flying back on my birthday next week so she can go out with me, and then she leaves for good for Chicago about a week after that. I’m kind of terrified about not having her in my city, living on the same subway line as me just 35 blocks south of my apartment. We’re not going to stop being friends, but I’m not going to be able to text her in the middle of a bad day and ask if she’s free to meet at one of our favorite happy hours in the neighborhood anymore. Advice? Assurance that I will be okay?
I live on a different continent from all of my favorite people now! You’ll be okay, I promise. My suggestion is this: instead of asking if she’s free to meet for happy hour, ask if she’s free to hang out on Skype in her sweatpants while drinking at home. Best friend time is long distance pajama party time now.
On the bright side: drinking at home in our sweatpants over Skype is cheaper than even the happy hour with $6 glasses of wine!
Long distance best-friendships are hard! I’m the one that did the moving away in my friendship, but we’ve been managing to keep it going for almost a year now, so you’ll definitely be ok! My suggestion is Skype dates, lot of texting, and the occasional surprise snail mail letter to brighten her day! We also send small packages for most of the big holidays (Halloween, Christmas, Valentines/Galentines Day, and of course birthdays), which tend to just be filled with junk food and the occasional mix CD. It’s tough sometimes, but it’s definitely doable.
I like the idea of sending the occasional snail mail thing. We both like cards and such. I should make sure I get her new address!
aw, my best friend is moving away too. But we’ve been long distance before, in the ten years I’ve known her. It’s definitely different, and when we’re in different cities we don’t talk every day. But I also know that if I send her a text about anything, something important or something dumb, she’ll be around to respond to it. I think that’s really the important part, that we’re still making time for each other, and it’s always been pretty effortless for us.
Chicago is SO CLOSE! It’s not the same as down the subway, but it’s a short 2 hour flight with TONS of airlines and two airports and great food. You don’t even have to take time off work to get a good visit in. That’s not to say it won’t be hard or different (other posters have great advice, especially snail mail!), but to reassure you that it’s do-able and you and your friendship will be okay!
Make skype dates! Like, not just “let’s talk at this time,” but “let’s watch this movie together or cook this meal at this time.” Doesn’t feel the same as hanging out in person, but it’s something and making the plans more specific makes you more likely to keep up with it. In my experience.
Internet linguistics question:
The other day I was at a pool hall, and some young folks were playing pool near me and a young lady was telling her compatriots that she “low-key might make this shot, but that also low-key she could miss it.”
Now, I understand what “low key” means in the conventional sense, and I’m even vaguely aware that it has a Tumblr-esque usage that deviates from convention. But for the life of me, I can’t suss out what she meant.
Younger, hipper people than I, can you translate?
Are you sure she wasn’t invoking Loki?
“I, Loki, might make this shot, but I, Loki, might also miss it!”
Hmmmm… I could see that.
Or. She could have actually been Loki in a rather self-advertising mood? On a scale of one to trickster god, how frost giant-y did she look?
“Low-key” is the equivalent of saying, “I’m not gonna make a big deal about this.” Low-key excited: a little jazzed but not bouncing off the walls. Low-key exclusive: you’re hooking up and neither one of you is dating anyone else right now, but you don’t make a fuss about DTR. Low-key Olympic medalist: yeah, you won gold at the high jump in 2012, but why go around announcing it?
Therefore, low-key making the shot: she thinks it’s got a decent chance of going in, but she’s not positive about it and she won’t be too upset if she’s wrong.
Ah, got it. Thanks!
Related: I learnt a bit of young person slang this week ‘lusm’ (aka love you so much). Said as one word.
I do, in fact, make my own pickles. Usually cucumber, sometimes onion, sometimes green cherry tomato. All delicious. They go in my face.
Last night I went to a 20th century chamber music recital and then went home and played video games and drank wine. I think this pretty much sums up my life. What bizarre combinations of events/activities speaks to your greater truths, oh ye of the Toast?
I compete horses at national level, and also have blue hair, lot of tattoos and go to loud and rowdy rock concerts. There is a lot of cognitive dissonance between my various groups of friends on facebook!
I can get behind this combination.
I was going to say “farming and IT” but then I thought of at least two other friends who are IT folks with farms, so never mind.
It still counts! We’ll just call it a demographic cluster. You’re cohorts!
I used to make pickles too though I kinda stopped, but including the Bartender that’s 3 people who have asked me about my pickling this week. Time to get those spicy carrots started I guess…
I knit at bars. I’ve done it enough that it seems totally normal to me, but based on some interactions I’ve had, this is not a common thing to do at drinking establishments? My knitting group is very booze-friendly, and we have a semi-regular weekend afternoon gathering at a beloved (and well-lit!) bar. The bartender loves us.
I think it is fascinating. The well-lit part would be an issue around these parts. We go for frowsty bars, apparently?
The trick is going for bars/pubs that are open during the day, and have good windows. We have a lot of those in San Francisco, because we value our sunshine and boozing equally.
MEOW.
Captain will not let my work-cat balance be disrupted.
Oliver did not want to get out of bed. I agreed with him, but had to get up and go to work to pay for his food and shelter.
Sadie is similarly unpleased when her helper monkey leaves bed before bidden to do so:
Kitten likes to hang out with my tarot deck boxes. She also enjoys stretching at glaring at the flash.
I got a yawning cat selfie and I’m thrilled. Those teeth!
I can’t get enough of their cute faces.
ALSO non-picture cat things: since I’m such a new cat parent, I’m constantly worried that i’m either over or under feeding them. Or feeding them the wrong food. Ugh. I have plans to transition them away from the Purina food they got while being fostered, but I’m still trying to figure out the best food (that’s still affordable) and the best amount to feed two growing 4 or 5 month old kittens.
Suggestions?
also here’s the cat playing with her first catnip toy
Play it by ear. If they start getting fat, cut down a bit, if thye are ribby and skinny and you can feel prominent backbone when you stroke them. It doesnt’ have to be perfect all the time, it will be fine if they fluctuate a bit while you work out what is optimal. Captain gets abotu 1/3 of the ‘recommended amount’ on his pouches because he is idle and very rarely plays or moves, and he is still on the plump side of ideal. Saffron is a good weight and gets the same amount of food as Captain despite being 2kg lighter. She spends all day trotting round doing her stuff and burns a lot more off.
Quality-wise, look for high meat content and not a lot of starch and grain.
I like Taste of the Wild. Or more accurately, catface likes it.
My dogs get Taste of the Wild and love it. I think it’s because they admire the wolves on the packaging (and probably also all the delicious salmon oil).
Delly gets one that has a cougar stalking a deer. She won’t even kill flies. Food modeling fail.
My former Science Diet sucking fiends now dine on Kirkland Healthy Cat kibble, from Costco. Has a high meat content and very affordable (for those with memberships.) The felines still have the shiny coats and well-formed poops that indicate good nutrition.
Twitter people know this already, but yesterday, one of my cats (Hobbes) peed on me. Like, right on me, not a drop got on the couch (which, phew). And looked like this, afterwards. The smug bastard.
This is Atticus with his favorite toy. It is a stuffed lime (because you know, cats, limes, that whole connection there…)
Like rabbits and tennis…
Come on, Sampras!
Here are the cats using our dining room chairs as a bunk bed.
We took Moa to the vet last week for his litterbox issues and apparently he may need to go on Prozac. π
Captain was *so* cuddly when he was on it after his bladder issues! He wasn’t on it for long but he stayed less anxious and more confident after his course.
Fine,make fun of me on the intertubes. Like your grooming is that much more dignified.
Kismet this morning
So much fluff!
I am at home today, so here is bonus Atticus, in real time. This is the face of a cat who a) feels strongly that these stacks of books should be pushed onto the floor and b) is deeply unimpressed by the spray bottle.
Insomnia induced jealousy of Charlie’s ability to sleep
Plus we discovered the front facing camera last night. Multiple kitten selfies took place, but I will refrain and only post one.
It’s already 95 out and my cats are melting.
My cats and I are moving:
This has led to some angst, as I had to board up their favorite hiding place, a hole the super never bothered to fix that accesses the bathtub.
At which point they pried off the access panel on the bathtub
Haven’t we moved YET?
I am moving across town today/tomorrow! I am so excited for a new space, and to finally be living with my partner. But so much has to happen in two days.
Can anyone recommend some good packing music? Something upbeat, catchy, or otherwise energizing, please. Youtube links would be great but not required!!
I found a “Celebrating Ladies with Leslie Knope” playlist yesterday on Songza, which, wow. My life has been greatly improved.
Also the “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” playlist is pretty great. Lots of Spice Girls.
I like the Pogues for packing and cleaning purposes, but not their slower or more mournful songs. A while back I pulled together an all-Pogues playlist to listen to while doing housework. There’s nothing like belting out “If I Should Fall From Grace With God” or “Sally Maclennane” or “Bottle of Smoke” to energize you while doing repetitive domestic stuff.
I just spent last week packing and moving too, and my music of choice was apparently a lot of hair metal . . .
. . . Buuuuut I suspect I might be an isolated case in my fondness for that genre.
If you have a Google account, Play Music now has radio stations, and their Upbeat 90s radios are a thing of beauty and a joy forever.
I moved at the end of May and spent entire days listening to nothing but The Pinkprint by Nicki Minaj on repeat. Seriously, give it slightly more than one try (listen to it all the way through once and then start it again) and see if it is not the best packing music.
A toastie posted a late 90s/early 00s Spotify playlist last month that I subscribed to (then shamelessly copied so I could add some other stuff) and that got me through packing up my whole place.
I like 1920s German dance band music, but YMMV.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgNE24OsMt4
Jesse y Joy’s “ΒΏCon QuiΓ©n Se Queda El Perro?” album is my go-to packing playlist. π it’s sweet and light and mellow, so possibly not energetic enough for you, but for me, since the lyrics aren’t in English they don’t distract me from focusing on the work in front of me. π
Oh, I feel your pain. We had to be out by noon today and can’t pick up the keys to our new place until noon tomorrow. The increase in space and storage will be nice, but by 7 am I was seriously considering throwing everything out the firescape.
I am probably too late to offer suggestions for packing music, but I can highly recommend humming “Eye of the Tiger” every time you move a large piece of furniture.
Girl talk. So great for cleaning and packing and basically all the time!
Oh, and an update from last week’s whingefest about family beach house drama:
I did speak to my father about it, who didn’t realize how much I was upset by it. (Oh, dad.) Unfortunately, the aunt I do not care for or speak with has a) already picked out a house, b) gotten a house with one less bedroom than this year, and c) has sent out the “pay up” emails. I told him that I genuinely don’t mind them going, because it’s the only opportunity he has to see his extended family and he gets to see me all the time, but to keep in mind for the time after that I would like to at the very least be included.
So unfortunately not much of a resolution, but enough to keep me okay for the next year. It’s still a bummer, but at least my parents understand how I feel about things.
Would it at all be an option for your parents to set up a satellite house – rent another small place nearby for you and then to stay in, and say “we want to spend time with our girls too and they miss the family?” Or for you and parents to rent a hotel suite nearby for one of the weekends, if you and your sib’s money/vacation can’t stretch for a week?
I’m glad you were able to talk to him about it and now he gets it a little better, at least!
The area of NC that they stay in is all Gigantic Multi-Family Houses, so another house might not be the best, but I have debated getting a hotel room for a weekend, especially if I can’t get the whole week off from work. I may have to put that plan into action! Thanks!
Also will you please help me understand a thing I am afraid to google? I trust you, Toasties. How does one use a bidet? Like… how does water not get everywhere? I think it would be highly preferable but I just can not figure out how it works?
Straddle the bidet (literally sit on it) with the unmentionables you wish to cleanse directly facing the tap/water stream. Depending on the uh, configuration of the bidet in question you may need to use your hand to splash said unmentionables. Lather, rinse, and you’re done π
Source: many years spent in the southern Med. Best of luck!
And then… dry your butt with a towel? Or toilet paper? Seems like regular toilet paper would disintegrate.
I don’t know why I’m having so much trouble with this concept.
Yep, with a towel – one that is kept specifically for that purpose, obv.
Wait…is there actually lathering involved? Like with soap?
Some Japanese toilets have two bidets built in–one for your urethra and one for your anus. I really want one of those toilets.
My parents have two! Heated seats! They are amazing and I want them in my own house.
I have a question about reproductive health and privacy, and would appreciate input from anyone who might be able to give it. I am a 21 year old student who is lucky enough to still be covered by my parent’s insurance. I want to start birth control, but my mom flipped out when our family doctor suggested it for me to treat acne and heavy periods back in high school and she would flip out if she knew I was taking BC now. Obviously I would prefer for all of my health information to remain private, but I especially don’t want to jeopardize my access to health insurance coverage should she find out I’m starting birth control.
So my question is, as an adult dependent on my parents insurance plan, is information about my prescriptions private, or would they likely be able to access it? I’m most worried about there being a copay, because I doubt I could convince them that I’m taking antibiotics or something like that for months on end without them getting worried/suspicious.
Again, I appreciate any help or suggestions! I realize I am woefully uninformed about how insurance works, and I’m super privileged to have gotten to this point in life without really having to think about it, but I’ve not been able to find much helpful information on the net, and I can’t exactly strike up a nonchalant conversation with my parents on this topic. I trust the toast, and I’m hoping some if you can give me some advice so I can at least have something to go on before I schedule an appointment and talk to my doctor about all of this.
Advice based on currently being on my parents’ insurance: they’ll be able to see that you got a prescription, because you used your insurance, but it won’t say what it was.
My advice? Go to Planned Parenthood or a similar sliding-scale clinic, and explain the situation. They’ll absolutely work with you to get you BC without using your insurance.
Yes, talk to your doctor about it. I recall being asked in at my university’s student clinic whether or not I wanted my parents to know I was on birth control; they already knew I was on it, so I didn’t end up exploring my options, but it sounded like they could have prevented the name of the medication from showing up on my parents’ bills if I asked. I think that birth control is not supposed to have a copay with most insurance plans anymore.
Planned Parenthood also has some sliding-scale income options, so they might be able to bypass insurance entirely without making you pay full price.
I’m not sure what information shows up on their statement– I think it may vary by insurance company. Most people get birth control without a co-pay now (under the ACA), though I guess that in itself could potentially be a red flag to your parents as to what prescription you’re getting…
My best advice is to go to Planned Parenthood– you can get affordable reproductive health care services without going through an insurance company. They typically have a sliding scale based on your income.
Back when I was insured but broke, buying my pills from PP was actually a lot cheaper and easier than going through my insurance company. The generic ones are often pretty cheap (if you can take those), and some branches will give you a discount- e.g., mine would throw in a free pack if you bought 7. The other big advantage of PP is that they’ll usually give you a year’s worth of pills at a time, whereas many primary care offices make you go back to them every 3 months or so for a new prescription. (Which is really annoying).
You might also consider long-term contraceptive options (e.g., implants, IUDs, etc.), where you can just get it implanted and then not have to worry about it for a few years. They have a lot of good information about those.
Also, you could call your insurance company and ask them– it may take a while to get a real human on the phone, but it’s probably a common enough situation that they’d have the answers.
I second this motion.
My insurance doesn’t sent me any paperwork at all, I just get a receipt when I pay. But definitely check with your insurance carrier.
Also, bigger issue, can your parents actually kick you off insurance??
Yep, they don’t have to keep you on their insurance. They just have the option to until you turn 26.
I would never have thought of this! I will try that. Thank you!
Chiming in with the chorus of Planned Parenthood, but for real though, they are the best. They are really good about privacy as well, so if you tell them you’re keeping the birth control secret from your parents, they will make a note in your file never to leave a phone message saying “this is Planned Parenthood, can Cordelia call us back?” or send you anything in the mail with their logo on the envelope.
I think they’re just normally very discreet with everybody, even if you don’t specifically ask them to be. (I was living alone and didn’t really care about privacy, but they always left extremely discreet messages, etc.)
That’s good to know! Thanks!
No, they won’t. The only thing they will know, if they get an explanation of benefits (EOB) in the mail, is that you saw your doctor. Many states and health insurers allow EOBs to go directly to the patient, not to the plan holders, so look into that if you are concerned they will ask why you went to the doctor. There is no [legal] way for them to access the list of prescriptions you pick up.
Yes. RXs don’t get explanations of benefits.
I personally would not chance it and would, as people above have suggested, hit up a planned parenthood who will go sliding scale with you, usually based on a paystub or similar. I mean, your regular primary care or GYN may be very cool and would happily code everything in as vague a way as can be. But not infrequently some paperwork (such as an EOB, or explanation of benefits, or a receipt or similar) potentially with a ‘contraceptive counseling’ diagnosis code (I use this a lot because that way, ironically, insurances will cover the visit fully under ACA instead of charging a co-pay!) or a phone call from the pharmacy about prescriptions being ready or whatever just seems like it is waiting to go wrong, and if it is a case of losing your coverage if they find out I would definitely vote for not using it.
Shameless self-promotion!
If you live in the central Texas area and like Sailor Moon (or think you would given the opportunity), my podcast co-host and I are hosting International Sailor Moon Day at the Highball in Austin on August 15! It’s totally free, come hang out with ussssss!! https://www.facebook.com/events/1609013279364639/
There are ISMD meetups all around the world too, for those of you who aren’t in our little swath of it: http://ismd.sailormoonmeetup.org/ <3 <3
OH I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT INTERNATIONAL SAILOR MOON DAY! I thought it was June 30 for some reason (Usagi/Chibi-Usa’s birthday?) but now that I know I haven’t missed it, I will be sure to do something for it! I hope your meetup goes aces!
I stopped by my parents’ house on the way home from work on Tuesday. My mom wasn’t home, but my dad was, and he wasted no time in telling me about his brand new power lopper.
Anyway then he told me not to tweet about what a Dad he was but he said nothing about The Toast.
god i hope i’m reincarnated as a power lopper
Does it have a crocodile face on it??
Um obviously it’s an ALLIGATOR face, get it right
Wow my betrothed is basically already a dad. He would go apeshit for this power lopper.
Would your dad and his power lopper like to earn some extra pocket money this weekend? My yard is a mess.
I thought sitting around and doing nothing was kind of the goal of a staycation?? Idk but I’m going camping next week!! which is, I guess, an actual vacation in that I have to drive to a campsite ~45 minutes from my house. But it FEELS kind of like a staycation in that once I get there, all I have to do is lounge around and hang out with friends and read lots and drink and maybe play games or go swimming or hiking, if I feel like it. My job’s not exactly taxing, but it will still be good to have some time off.
Another thing that I think would be interesting is what if you made a Batgirl video game, and the point of the game was gathering clues and doing detective work, and a lot of sneaking around in buildings and &c., and you COULD fight, but every fight you got into just made things harder — if you make too much noise, more guards will show up, sometimes burglar or fire alarms will go off, the police response time gets shorter for the next level, there are more guards and more things are locked, making it harder to get all the clues that you need.
I was also thinking about an idea where serious injuries persist throughout the game, so if you get winged by a bullet in the leg (for example) you’re just going to not be able to run as fast or kick as hard in other levels.
I am very interested in the idea of a sort of open-ended game where violence is possible, but is discouraged in really practical ways (as opposed to discouraging it by deducting points or something).
I would basically play any Batgirl-based video game anytime (particularly if done in BTAS style — Babs did a ton of sneaking around in that series even in her pre-Batgirl days). I think one of the Tomb Raiders had something sort of similar where there was a stealth walk mode for taking down sentries, but you had to stay in that walk mode or they would hear you and attack. I could see something similar with some sort of bar with different zones that would alert you if you were getting louder (like a green/yellow/red thing).
I actually wrote a short BTAS fanfic once upon a time that dealt with what sorts of sports bra contraptions would be necessary for a female crime fighter.
I also like sort of context-sensitive contraptions that have different effects depending on circumstances. Like, if you need to escape a bunch of guys in a seedy warehouse by the docks, you can throw a smoke bomb to cause confusion; but if you use a smoke bomb in the office building that has the servers you’re trying to hack into, it’ll set off the fire alarm, and then a clock starts counting down until the police show up.
(I’m also imagining that basically every level has a “siege mode”, where the police show up and then you have to find the secret exit to get out past them, and you’ve got to do it before the SWAT team storms the place.)
(I’m ALSO imagining that a lot of the places where you get “killed” just end up with a sort of minigame where you have to escape from a deathtrap or the back of a police car or something.)
What about something like Mirror’s Edge? I haven’t played it in a few years, but I know gunplay was discouraged – I can’t remember if Faith was bad at it or what, but I know I finished the game without using a gun.
I am REALLY excited for the sequel.
I did not ever play Mirror’s Edge, but I have no reason to think that it is not similar to what I have in mind!
Even better, the game didn’t discourage violence overtly by subtracting points or anything, but by the way it was designed. It was a parkour-based game, so everything was built around speed and momentum – so if you wanted to stop and beat up bad guys, you could, but you’d lose any momentum you’d built up. But if you could find a way to run or jump or slide past them, you could speed up a little more and make bigger jumps or find smoother lines through the level, and it was much more satisfying.
AND it had a female minority as a main character! What a game.
You should try Invisible, Inc.
DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE
To be fair it only has some of what you mentioned. I like the concept of stealth / thief games but sometimes find them frustrating in practice.
I’m actually kind of thinking of it as more of a mystery game — like, the stealth stuff is just for fun, but I would be *more* interested in a game where you actually had to solve the mystery by examining clues &c.
Yeah that would be fun! The closest I can think of would be like the adventure games like Monkey Island, but even those are more ‘figure out where to click’. It would be cool to have a mystery game with more depth, and solvable in different ways.
There was a computer game that I played in high school called Treasure Quest, that was literally just a sort of riddle game — you could go into different rooms and look at different clues and you had to just figure out what they meant. Β (you couldn’t really win it, I think there was a reward that they were giving away or something and you had to call in with the answer?Β I don’t remember, actually)
but that is kind of what I was thinking, in that it’s got a sort of open kind of approach to figuring things out.Β I’m not sure mechanically how it would work — I guess I was thinking that you’d go to different places to get different kinds of evidence, and then figure out who the right person to bring the evidence to would be?Β If there were enough people and enough clues/suspects, you could probably chart a couple different successful courses through it.
Hi Toasts, a couple weeks ago someone asked about anyone with rheumatoid arthritis experience, and I replied, but like two days after open thread went up. So, I’d like to reintroduce it, if anyone wants to talk about their RA experience or any other chronic illness. I was diagnosed this summer and feel pretty pretty bad right now and I’m really hoping we get it under control and I can start feeling a little more like normal eventually.
I don’t have RA but I’m close to someone who does. Though there are absolutely things that she can’t do (and that has changed/increased over time), it certainly hasn’t stopped her from, you know, having a fun life.
When you find a pair of shoes that works for you, buy a couple of pair. It’s also a good idea to avoid furniture that’s low to the ground (beds, couches.) You’ll feel better if you move regularly, swimming is especially good. Throw one of those folding camp chair things in the back of your car, so that you don’t get caught without a place to sit. You might find that you’re especially sensitive to heat, humidity, or cold — there’s probably not much you can do about this, but it’s good to be aware of. Have some clothes that don’t involve buttons/zippers/fiddly bits, for days when your hands are acting up. And remember that the nature of the disease is ebb and flow; you will have bad days and good ones, and that’s normal.
Finally, I didn’t feel that my life was diminished or stunted or whatever for having this person in my life. It was a thing to be dealt with, and we dealt with it, and it was fine. So try not to feel like you’re inconveniencing people if you need to slow down or rest or whatever. I know that is easier said than done.
Thanks for the tips, guys! I’ve been swimming (and then going in the SAUNA) a couple times a week and doing yoga when I feel like i have the balance to do it. It does help to move, except there are definitely days when I’m not feeling well, so I don’t want to move, even though logically, I know I would probably feel better after I went for a walk or something. I am curious what will happen once school starts again (I teach) since the diagnosis and major symptoms came at the end of the school year, and I haven’t had to work as I’ve gotten used to my new life. And I’ve totally embraced comfort>fashion when it comes to footwear. I bought a pair of CROCS SANDALS. And haven’t taken them off all summer.
Hi breakfast!
I have RA and was diagnosed 6 years ago next week when I was 25. It’s been a journey, so serious hugs to you as you start out. I won’t sugercoat (because I hate that) – it has not been easy. I have taken the conventional medicine route – so lots of steriods, biologics and various other forms of chemotherapy. I’ve gone through about 6 different types of medication before I found one that works most of the time. I’m in Canada, so my experiences might be different with respect to the medical community. But find yourself a good rheumatologist and GP who will listen to you and be willing to change things that aren’t working well. Fatigue is my major issue I deal with now. My friends are finally used to me cancelling at the last minute or asking if they would rather just hang out on my couch with me.
I agree with chickpeas advice – Keep moving if you can. I swim and do restorative yoga twice a walk and if I feel okay (knees are most worst joints), I try to walk. Also good shoes! I wear Birkenstocks almost exclusively from May to October-ish and then either Clarks or other supportive type footwear during the winter. The choices are getting more stylish, if that’s something you care about. I would fall into the $20 shoe trap and then spent the day (and the week after) regretting my decisions. If you feel okay about aids and they are available, go out and get all the aids that might help with shoes, opening jars, cutting food (cutco’s cheese knife is awesome!). I wear a lot of loose jersey clothes now – tunics, leggings, sweatshirts, just in case there is sudden swelling and I can avoid buttons and zippers (especially near the back).
Ah, this is getting so long! If you have specific questions, ask away. I’m also at regularthings @ gmail . com, if you need an email buddy.
Lots of hugs.
Moving commiseration thread! Toasts, after a lot of anxious waiting, I now have an appointment this afternoon to FINALLY go and sign the lease on my new apartment, and then, if all goes well, I’ll actually have a moving date and can schedule all the moving stuff that I haven’t been able to schedule yet. So I’m very very relieved. And also kind of sad, because I’m fond of my current place, and if I could have renewed my lease, I would have. Ah well. The new place has the advantage of being an actual one-bedroom, which is going to be so much nicer than my current studio arrangement any time I have out-of-town guests staying with me and/or invite friends over for dinner. So I’m trying to focus on that, and on having a new neighborhood to explore.
Wishing all of you who are moving this month or next month luck, endurance, all the extra packing materials you need, and a lovely new place to call home.
Yay for certainty! Moving a colossal pain and it’s always such a relief to pin things down.
I moved my gentleman friend into our new apartment last weekend, and it really hit me that I have only a couple weeks left in my city. The Feels are starting to pile up.
I feeeeeel you! I am moving in a week and am very excited but anxious. Let us take a moment to consider how fun it will be to place our objects in new spots, to give our plants a different view out the window, and to cook the first meal in a brand new kitchen. Hooray!!!
I’m about to go check out my old house that’s about to go on the market that I super want to buy. Not moving yet, but if all goes well I will be soon. Send nice karma thoughts my way!
Moving now! I’ve taken 2 trips over today, I think I’ll do one more and then wait for reinforcements to arrive. Start collecting boxes now! A couple good bank boxes are priceless!
I’M CLOSING ON A HOUSE IN 2.5 HOURS! My team is amazing and got me to closing in 3 weeks flat. Give me your advice on switching from an apartment to a house, moving in super hot weather, and/or painting and picking paint colors. Or just YAY with me!
Congrats!!!
If at all possible, I would advise moving a little at a time. You’ll probably be making a lot of little trips to the house for various things, so every time you go, bring over two or three boxes of stuff. Save the big stuff for last, but it will make a huge difference if you’ve got a lot of the little stuff taken care of already when it comes time to move furniture.
I wish I had advice for paint colors. We’ve already repainted two walls from our original colors we picked, and we’ve barely been in our house a year. It’s hard to know how the colors will look once you’ve got all your stuff in there.
Thanks! I wish I had the time to move bit by bit but I have someone taking over my lease on Monday. So I’m showing up at closing with a car full of stuff and going all weekend. Woo!
Yay!!! Mazel tov! We closed on a condo (our first ever homebuying experience) a week ago! It is very exciting, and I also need advice on paint colors because it is legit stressing me out.
If possible, finish painting and do any stuff you need to with the floors *before* you move all your crap in. (Learned from painful experience).
Also, you can put holes in anything you want now! Go nuts!
Being able to put holes in your walls care free is probably the best part of home ownership. Realizing you have to fix it all yourself is the downside though.
My home improvement skills have actually gotten worse, since I was doing a lot of stuff by myself when I rented (e.g., using power tools, stripping radiators, etc.), and now I live three blocks from my dad.
#dadmagazine
He’s putting in a sink for me this weekend! (It’s my birthday present).
My dad has such a long to do list. The perks of having a dad who’s a contractor!
Yay! Congratulations!
My best hot-weather moving tip is: if you’re doing anything other than one giant trip, pick up some bottles of water and/or Gatorade and stash a bunch at the apartment and a bunch at the house, or make sure there’s a big reuseable water bottle at each place (and that the water is turned on, etc.). You never want to arrive at the house, unload half your car, and be like “Ugggh, I am dying but I have to wait until I’ve unloaded all the rest of this shit and made it back to the apartment to drink anything.”
YAY!
I adore a bright green room, but I realize it’s not for everyone.
As for moving in super hot weather: bring a few extra pairs of underwear / bras and switch them out as they get really sweaty — it makes a remarkably big difference.
Bring towels to the new place and leave some at the old – a quick cool/cold rinse even with no soap can do wonders.
And, hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!
Just a million YAYS for you!!! Congrats.
YAY!
I like white paint, but I know that’s not for everyone. Benjamin Moore is great and I usually get awesome service from their folks. Get samples and do little-ish blocks of the colours you’re thinking about in the room, so you know how it looks with the lighting. Especially for greys! I have a kind of purple bathroom, that is supposed to be grey. Learn from my mistakes.
Y’all I’ve been sitting in the closing for an hour and 15 minutes and literally nothing has happened for the last 45 minutes. Is this how this is supposed to work?
YAY!
I go to my second hometown for staycations in which I visit people & eat lovely things & usually get some writing and relaxing done. If I stay at my house I end up doing housework to avoid knotty plot problems and taking too many boredom naps.
That sounds lovely!
I am moving to Portland TOMORROW!
!!!!
it’s just me for a few days and then dog and husband arrive from their road trip. (i am nervous/excited!)
Soylent!
I have been having Soylent for breakfast pretty much every day this week, and it’s been going pretty good. A couple days I warmed up a mugful and added a bit of cinnamon, and that was actually kind of nice.
Lunch has been less successful. Watering it down has helped. Bringing my insulated mug to work so I could sip it all day without it warming up has helped. But I get kind of sick of it, and then I buy junk food from the convenience store across the street because there is a shortage of good places to buy lunch near my work and I don’t drive, which is exactly the problem that I was kind of hoping Soylent would save me from. But! Even just adding some Soylent to my still-mostly-junk-food at-work diet has helped. I don’t feel as gross after having chips and pop and pepperoni or whatever for lunch, if I’ve also had most of a cup of Soylent earlier. And I don’t feel hungry as soon in the afternoon, or if I do then I usually don’t mind having some Soylent then.
So basically, I have not yet managed to substitute Soylent for junk-food lunches, but I have managed to supplement them with Soylent, and that turns out to be an improvement.
I think I need to (a) back off on trying to make myself have Soylent a lot, and see if that helps me develop more of a taste for it; (b) start a one-box-a-month subscription, because I do think it’s helpful in some ways and that I’ll probably continue eating it about as much as I am now; and (c) hope that they hurry up on making flavoured solid Soylent, which I think might solve a lot of my problems with it.
This might be my last Soylent review update for a while, unless something changes about how I feel about Soylent or how I’m using it. I’ll still be happy to answer questions, though, I guess.
Thank you for posting these! I’ve been seriously considering Soylent for those depression-heavy weeks when food is too much effort and I end up existing entirely on potato chips and diet coke, and it’s good to hear that it seems to serve that purpose well enough.
Another great vintage ad (1931 Vogue) Candy for energy!
That pretty accurately describes my life. I think I need that ad on my wall.
The best part? It wasn’t the only one I found.
Graceful ball playing/posing. High on my eventual motherhood to do list.
“Pure candy drives away fatigue – this is the latest verdict of science!”
I love it.
I can definitely get behind that science.
Claudia Kishi’s Ener-joy theory is vindicated!
/huge BSC dorkiness
Toastfriends, I feel like this art, entitled Catnip SΓ©ance, would be of interest to some:
I myself am tempted as it would make an excellent companion to my print of The Witches’ Cove, which features this delightful cat detail:
what what what this is wonderful
Why don’t either of my cats play the dang recorder is what I want to know.
Useless. The lot of ’em.
I for one am glad my cat has no musical ability. Cause you just know he’d be sitting there jamming at two in the morning like the asshole he is.
It’s true. One of mine went ricocheting off my cheek at approximately 5pm yesterday and I was like: THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR DOWNTIME, JERK.
Thank you to the lovely Toasties who commented on my whiny post about about the new job last week. It’s actually been going ok: the librarians are great to work for, and the work itself is really interesting, if frustrating sometimes as the computer’s been playing up. :/ Also, I got to see a couple of Tolkein letters that were stumbled across in the archive today! Thanks again.
ARGH I had an infuriating interaction with A Man (really, some twenty something kid) this morning. I pulled into an outside lot near the train station (the same lot I usually park in when I don’t get dropped off) and rolled down the window to hand over the fee. The attendant says “The train lot is cheaper.”
“I know,” I reply.
“It’s not full yet,” he says.
“That’s okay,” I reply, lightly.
He makes no move to take the money that I am still holding towards him. “You should really park there,” he says.
“I DON’T WANT TO PARK THERE,” I answer, and then of course, HE is all offended, because I have hurt his precious feelings, because there is literally no safe tone of voice between “not being taken seriously” and “bitchy.” EVEN then, I made an offhanded remark about the poor condition of the train garage to try and salvage the situation, which he does not acknowledge, nor does he meet my eyes when he hands me my change.
What the fuck, dude. I’m 33 years old, and if I want to pay extra money to park outside in a lot that will be fully lit by the sun and surrounded by passersby when I get home, instead of the dark, crumbling, poorly designed underground train lot, THEN I DAMN WELL AM GOING TO.
It’s good you made him too uncomfortable to make eye contact. He has to learn somehow.
I hope so, but I really think he was just embarrassed for my “outburst” instead of feeling that he had anything to do with this situation.
Even if he thinks you had a completely unprovoked outburst, that just means he’s the kind of person who walks through a world of “completely unprovoked outbursts” and everyone around him knows exactly what’s provoking them. To sum up: y’know, fuck that guy.
That’s the worst salesmanship I’ve ever heard of.
thank you for sharing, I have gradually been changing my approach to “strangers are not entitled to any response” and this story is empowering to me.
You handled this wonderfully well. Kudos! I am not as nice as you are and would have been tempted to ask, “So you feel I owe you an explanation?” Or, “You don’t think there could be any good reason you haven’t thought of? There’s a name for that attitude.”
And you know, it’s 100% ok to be bitchy sometimes. I know it feels uncomfortable, but that’s on this dude. You’re not responsible for standing up for yourself and also making some 20 year old idiot ok with his idiocy at the same time.
ALSO AND FURTHER the new Scooby-Doo Lego come out tomorrow and I feel some kind of a way that the mystery machine set has Fred, Shag, Scoob & a “scary tree” for minifigs but to get Daphne and Velma you have to buy one of the $100 sets. AHEM.
Toronto Toasties (Torontoasties?)! We are having a meetup NEXT SUNDAY, August 9th in the afternoon (2pm-ish onward) at a location TBD! Probably somewhere with a patio. If you have a place suggestion I am very open!
So glad I could drop by the open thread today and spot this! I like the patio at the Victory Cafe but I don’t remember if they have large-group tables. Oh, the Caledonian! They have excellent large-group patio tables and delicious Scottish beers.
Victory Cafe is a great suggestion that I hadn’t considered! Super close to transit, very important
Mental health thread?
I took the faintly terrifying step of setting up an appointment with a new therapist! I tried last year when I was in a really bad place, but the guy was shit and my insurance at the time wasn’t covering it, and besides, therapist-shopping when you’re really depressed is…almost counter-productive. I’m better now, but I’m not stable, and I found a lady therapist with really good reviews online, so fingers crossed.
Therapy stories, anyone?
I am super lucky to have found an awesome therapist. Things I like about her: we actually set goals! And then we focus on ways to accomplish those things! I’m going to therapy to deal with some anxiety issues that interfere with my ability to Do Things I Want To Do, and having a therapist who gets my need for goals and accomplishing things and that my long term goals are to not need her anymore? Awesome.
(Awesome to the point that if any NYC Toasties are looking for a therapist and 95th & CPW is a not-inconvenient location for you, I’ll give you her info)
My shrink has mostly been a give me relevant pills guy, but this week we had a really helpful chat. He gave me a kick in the butt and pointed out the extent that I have been cutting myself way too much slack and not pushing myself to rebuild my routines and start taking proper care of myself again. I have lost a full clothing size in the past 2 months without making any effort to lose weight, without planning to lose weight and without particularly wanting to. I would be perfectly happy maintaining this size now (my stomach is flat and I just bought a 32DD bra which is just bonkers) but I have never been someone whose size fluctuates much and shrinking by accident is disturbing. I feel so awkward when people tell me I’m looking really good.
So, shrink helped me with some ideas of how to for real this time start functioning like a grown ass person even though I am still lacking in stable housing, which makes routine So Hard. My meds are awesome, but they get me to a point where I think being productive and organised isn’t an insane pipe dream. Actually getting there is on me and it is haaard
YES to therapist-shopping when you’re really depressed. “Ooh another stranger to whom I can tell my whole ridiculous sob story. Just like last week. Then I’ll head home feeling drained and raw and exhausted!”
Eh, sorry i guess that was not helpful.
“Your insurance requires that everything be done through referral! Here’s fifteen pieces of paper and six phone numbers to call!”
Not gonna lie, half the reason I even made this appointment was because they let me do it online, like civilized residents of the 21st century.
YEP everything about finding help when you need help is SO HARD AND FRUSTRATING AND AWFUL. I gave up on therapy when I needed it most because every time I saw my therapist it completely ruined my day, and I was trying to graduate college and just didn’t have the time. I had a hard enough time communicating what was wrong to one person, and the idea of trying to find another one and starting from scratch again was just completely out of the realm of possibility.
Now I’m in a pretty good place and feeling like I should proactively seek help and make sure I don’t backslide and the whole process just fills me with dread.
I am so glad I’m not the only person for whom therapy/counselling ruined their day. I have tried phone-based CBT a few times and every time it has just left me a miserable wreck without feeling like it’s helped much.
I had a wonderful amazing therapist for about 6 months, before she moved. I’ve had luck asking for young women (and this is totally a valid thing that you can ask for) because I feel they have more relevant experience to me. She inspired me. New therapist is okay but I’m not sure she can help me. My health care sucks so I only get to see someone once a month (or more often six weeks). Cognitive behavioral therapy all the way.
My psychiatrist is excellent. She really exemplifies how poor my previous psych was, who mostly spent the whole time typing and not talking to me.
It really sucks to be in a place where it’s hard to get out of bed, much less jump through hoops trying to get a good therapist. I’m a grown-ass adult but I still need help when I get to that place. It’s hard, trying to wrangle therapists and meds. Best of luck, and you can always vent in the open threads.
I experienced an interesting variant on mansplaining this week:
I get a phone message on my cell from some guy to the effect of ‘this is your landlord, I’ll be coming over to look at the problem with your shower this afternoon.’ What? Who? I don’t have a landlord or a problem with my shower. (I have a landlady, am renting to own, and I deal with any house repairs.) But I still had to deal with the guy–he called 4 times and left messages, and I felt sorry for whoever does have a broken shower. I called him and said that I did not have any problems at *my* house and I do not have a landlord.
He tried to convince me that I knew a Tammy Somebody, who gave him this number as a contact and I should help him set up the time to come fix the shower. I could not convince him otherwise. He kept saying that I must know ‘Tammy somebody’ because this was the number he had to contact her and he would ‘take this up with her when he talked to her’. I’m all ‘I’ve had this phone number for like 8 years, and no, I do not know her’. When he read the number back, there was no area code, and it was my phone number, but without an area code, yeah, if his phone has my area code (which apparently it does) he’s automatically calling that phone number in my area code, so you would get my number. He was all ‘well, if you live in [city] (which I do), this must be the right number’. I’m ‘I do live in [city], but it’s possible she has a different area code’. I could not convince him I didn’t know whoever it was, and he kept saying, ‘well, I’ll take that up with her when I get ahold of her’.
Take it up with her? That someone she doesn’t know can’t put you in contact with her? That phone numbers need to use area codes?
Nothing makes me angrier than the self-centeredness of people who refuse to believe they called the wrong number. I didn’t just pop into existence at the other end of this phone the second you called, displacing the person you thought you were calling, dude. Hang it up and try again.
One time this guy wrong-number called me FOUR TIMES IN A ROW. By the fourth time, I just picked up the phone and yelled “NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU DIAL THIS NUMBER IT WILL STILL BE WRONG” and then hung up. He didn’t call back.
been practicing some silver/brasswork jewelrymaking as a side to whatever the hell it is I do right now (some pics under the fold), it’s fun to experiment with and pretty neat from the lens of the heavier mechanical stuff I’ve worked on before but does anyone know anything about actually selling it? I figure this is as good a place as any to find folks who’ve been doing that as a side job/entry level thing and know something about it
some pictures of stuff
That top ring is lovely!
Etsy?
Thanks!
And yeah I should probably start putting more focus into Etsy, seeing as it’s where I buy most related shit (including one of those rocks in the pictures) in the first place. I’m just real, real bad at hustling online, so I guess I never think of it
Ooooh! So pretty!
HELLO, right here, I would very much like to wear one of those rings in the 3rd photo. That design is gorgeous.
That’s a set of earrings actually (the first one I’ve done) and unfortunately already gone to some family I owed a favor, but I do have another slightly different-shaped set of those stones on hand, and can make a ring like that! Shoot me an email at modwork (at) yahoo.com and we can work out exactly what you’re looking for.
Oh my god. Please post a link to your Etsy/whatever when you get one set up.
I do have an Etsy I let stagnate since I never seemed able to get anyone to look at it, I’ll be populating it with newer content (like most of the stuff here) later today: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SCFoundry
Um, I love ALL The turquoise thing, but especially that first necklace! *grabby hands*
Just put it up! https://www.etsy.com/listing/242424889/turquoise-…
Yaaaaay! I just bought it π Thanks!
Oh MAN those necklaces are gorgeous <3 <3 <3
I make my own pickles. I’m a big fan of it because it’s cheap, it means I always have a supply of pickled jalapenos (which have become a regular feature of many things I eat) and you can mix up all sorts of things beyond the typical cucumbers (red onions, zucchini, cabbage, garlic).
Pickled red onions are one of the best things, ever. I discovered them last year and I try to keep a jar on hand at all times for salads and sandwiches and sometimes just sneaking a forkful out of the jar.
I just made pickles and I’m mega-interested in pickling many other things. Straight-up pickles are not my favourite but I am psyched to have this tart flavour in many other things.
Pickled zucchini?? *sways on the spot*
hm pickled jalapenos, hmmmmm
How’s pickled zucchini come out? Onions and garlic I’d kill for a ready supply of good quality, but never even seen squashes
I like all the picked things I’ve made. I often eat them on crackers with cheese and/or spicy mustard. Yummy snack π
I love making pickles. A variety I like especially is Thai style: use rice vinegar and sugar, throw in some onion and thai chilis (depending on your spice-heat tolerance).
That sounds a lot like this cucumber salad recipe, which I love. Basically just eating a bowl full of pickles. http://www.budgetbytes.com/2009/07/thai-cucumber-…
I had a friend back in Seattle who was really into making pickles, and I still (five years later) think about his green beans. They were awesome.
Are you folks making refrigerator pickles, or full-bore hot-water bath canning?
I’ve made refrigerator pickles because I’m intimidated by the canning process.
It’s not bad, really. I taught myself from the Ball Blue Book (after refusing to help my mother with it for my entire childhood, I was such a jerk).
Refrigerator, for same reason of intimidation. Takes up a lot of space at first though, but that’s just incentive to eat more.
Dee Dee Thread!
This Sunday marks the end of Dee Dee’s 30 day professional training and she has done AWESOME. No buck, rear or bolt whatsoever and if anything, she’s more whoa than go. Her only vice is being buddy sour which is understandable considering she’s been a broodmare her whole adult life (and was born into a broodmare band to boot) and has never been without a horse companion. And even that was worked out with minimal fuss, so again, Dee Dee done good.
So good, in fact, I might just end up keeping her myself. I’ve always loved this gentle, personable mare and maybe this is fate, who knows.
I’ll try posting an image a sketch I did of her, fingers crossed!
Yes, please, a sketch! And hooray for Dee Dee!
Foster Dog Update
We are still waiting for the guy who wants Roxy to get his home visit. Someone from the rescue group has to visit and make sure he is OK to adopt a dog. The waiting is so hard.
Last week someone asked about the transport group that BRI uses. It is Liberty Train and here is their facebook page for anyone who wants to volunteer. https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Liberty-Train-…. They set up routes and people sign up to take a leg to drive the dog or cat to their new home.
I became nearly apoplectic with glee upon realizing that I am actually in time for a Cocktail Hour!! Usually I don’t remember about it til, say, Monday.
I have posted once or twice before but never in a Cocktail Hour–can I just say that I LOVE The Toast so much, and am so impressed with the kindness and intellect of the beautiful readership!
The past two weeks have been quite the rocky ride: I discovered, upon reading some old emails, that my ex-boyfriend from a couple years back was not just ‘controlling’, nor was the relationship just ‘unhealthy’, but he was actually TEXTBOOK abusive and manipulative. Who knew! I knew at the time that the relationship was difficult and that upsetting things would happen, but I blocked out the specific memories. But the old emails confirm: he crafted a powerful brew of affection, ‘I’d-do-anything-for-you-but-I-feel-like-you-wouldn’t-do-the-same’, self-congratulation on how “patient” he was with my failings, EVERYONE in the world was against him, carefully-timed apologies without any real change, and good ole classic manipulation. The guy was a borderline psychopath (not to armchair-diagnose or anything). And I stayed with him for two years! And only realized almost 2 years later that he was such a jerk! SO that was a fun couple of days.
(Trigger warning for racism & anti-semitism)
Then last week I discovered that a close family member of mine was not just into Reconstructionist theology, but also the Christian Identity movement. (For the happily uninitiated, Reconstructionism is the theocratic viewpoint that America should be ‘a Christian nation’ and should follow ALL of the laws of the Old Testament complete with stonings, unless specifically counter-acted by the New Testament. Christian Identity adds a hideous racist element to the above: it teaches that whites people, rather than Jewish people, are really ‘God’s chosen people Israel’, and ‘race-mixing’ (mixed-race marriage) is wrong and punishable possibly by death, and on and on.)
So I pose the question: Should I bring this up to my family member? I am gleaning this info based on a large, public bookshelf in our house, which has row after row of books dated mostly from the 80s and 90s. My family member’s name is written in the front of almost all of them. They really invested in a ton of books on the topic. Homeschooling! Conspiracy theory! God’s Law!
The Christian Identity stuff was in the form of a mail-order ‘theology’ course which my family member filled out around 1984. You filled out the ‘right’ answers (Q: Do the authorities have the right and obligation to take action against race-mixers? A: Yes) and they sent you another chapter.
I know the family member still believes in the Reconstructionism stuff but hasn’t really been active with it for years, so who knows what they still agree with from the other books.
I don’t think it will change their minds. I am just so upset that a close family member agreed with this stuff; it is possible to find KKK members online who went through this theology course as part of their ‘Biblical’ training; the author allegedly wrote a pamphlet supporting the death penalty for ‘race-mixers’. I don’t know if it will do any good at this point. Thoughts? π
In happier news, I recently started working on my novel again. But am dealing with the constant thoughts about how the writing really sucks! I know all the ‘practice makes perfect’ advice, but does anyone have advice on either writing believable dialog or just pushing through the doubts?
Recognizing abuse is hard when it’s happening to you. Good work.
I am sorry about your relatives’ bigotry. I have much of the same among my kin.
I have greater peace when I accept that change will not happen. I feel better when I avoid these people. When I must interact, I feel better asking questions designed to confront them with their own hatefulness. No statements, just questions to make them think.
What feels best, though, is keeping a tally of the number of times someone associated with me does something hateful in public. At the end of the month, I add up the tally and make donations to orgs fighting the bigotry. I feel downright gleeful sometimes. If only Drunken Uncle knew that every antiabortion FB post he makes increases the money Planned Parenthood receives.
Toasties, I have a source of endless grief that never goes away: why are so many pastors so bad at dealing with domestic violence? It is a question with many complex answers, but the pain goes on and on.
I’m sorry. Are you safe right now? If you are in the US, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800β799β7233. Or contact them online at thehotline.org
If yours is a big church, you can ask your pastor for the name of a social worker. Social workers have training. Pastors are not *required* to have any training other than theology. Of course, the best pastors go out and *get* the training they need in order to help their congregants.
Please take care of yourself. And if the violence is not directed at you, give the victim this info and use it yourself. Anyone affected by domestic violence, directly or indirectly can call the hotline.
I am safe, thank you for asking to make sure. I read this morning, after an unrelated Google search about a woman whose pastor husband had told everyone upon their divorce that she was crazy, when in fact he had been abusing her, and a bunch of his pastor friends basically sided with him. It retriggered my own situation in which my pastor did not believe that I had been abused by a fellow parishioner, and so it’s been making me sad and anxious all day. I just needed to talk about my grief for myself, this poor woman, and so many others who go through the same thing.
It’s such an urgent problem, too, since for so many people their pastors are their first line of anything resembling marriage counseling. π
My facile answer is that a religion whose central tenet is love and forgiveness (not itself a bad thing!), which is founded on the sacredness of bodily self-sacrifice, and which views marriage as an unbreakable covenant in the eyes of God, is singularly ill-equipped to empower victims of domestic violence. And when that’s combined with a long tradition of patriarchy in the religion’s theology and practice, especially within marriage, it becomes even worse.
I think you’re right. And really, only now are women voices in the church strong enough to push back against that kind of thinking to develop a different kind of hermeneutic. But trying to change 2000 years of theology in 50 is like trying to empty a lake with a bucket.
*internet hugs* (if welcome!)
You’re right about it being hard to change tradition. It sounds like your faith is important to you so maybe you could join a study or brunch or get-together with the women who support you, or possibly find a church/group that values care and equality more than tradition and patriarchy.
People who don’t believe those affected by domestic violence suck and are not worthy of being called “pastor.” I hope you are in a safe situation now and can take steps toward healing. Maybe try therapy? Sliding scales and all that. Jedi hugs.
I don’t have any reasons. Even the UU church I (used to) go to has a great pastor now, but when I wrote him re: my ex, although he replied, it was not in any way acknowleging the abuse that I had discussed in my letter. Just brushed over like “All divorces are difficult” mumbo-jumbo. So the big religions have no monopoly on rug sweeping, unfortunately.
Dog thread? Tuva is busy guarding, leave her alone, leave her ALONE mom she is BUSY.
Fry loves me
And happy pups on a stormy evening stroll:
This is the face of a dog that pooped inside not once, but twice, both times while the door to the back yard was open next to her. Do you see shame? There is no shame.
We think it is revenge for me taking this picture of her fluffy bathed butt:
Also this guy:
This is Stella, very happy to see me after I’d been away for 5 days.
Bay Area toasties! I’ve just accepted a job in Berkeley that I’m pretty excited about, and I’ll be moving out to the Bay Area from the midwest within the next month or so. The position is for 1 year with a low chance of being extended. Any recommendations for how to find housing there, preferably for a place starting in the beginning of September? I’m going to be looking in Berkeley and Oakland, and if I’m Oakland, would prefer to be close to a BART station for commuting purposes. Which are good areas of those places to look for housing in? Is finding a studio or 1-bedroom for $1500 (or preferably less) per month do-able, or should I be looking for a room in a larger apartment with roommates? Is there any chance of finding a furnished apartment or sublet for a year? Should I bring my car, or leave it in the midwest with my partner? Thanks in advance for any advice!
Yay, congrats! Furnished apartments are rare out here, and you won’t find a studio for less than $1500 most likely. Sorry. But having roommates is good for making friends anyway. Bart is ok but the AC Transit buses aren’t terrible, so you don’t have to limit yourself to living near Bart stops. I lived near Lake Merritt in Oakland for a long time and loved it.
Hooray jobs! Boo rents! You do realize you are moving to an area that has 3 or 4 cities more expensive than Manhattan, right? I have seen studios/1 bds going on Craigslist for around 1900 or so. Not much furnished.
I like Oakland but I’m not much of an expert on it. I’m staying with family further down the East Bay. (Opposite situation: free housing but looking for a job). I think the BART issue is that if you get a place right by a lot of walkable stuff you have a terrible time with parking and if you are not right in the magic walkable neighborhoods you need a car for getting around.
Roommates are the way to go to keep costs down…preferably roommates with excellent rent control! Sometimes you can find a furnished in-law unit that’s short term. My observation is that they’re usually not convenient to BART. I would say get yourself out there as soon as possible. My roommates and I just had an ad up in Berkeley and we had 160 responses in less than 24 hours. Good luck!!
I’m an American who’s been living in France for more than a decade. I’ve loved my time here, but I’m honestly not sure it’s going to ever be easy to be here, and I’m about ready to throw in the towel. I’m out of an apartment mid-September, and gave my notice at my job (I mostly nanny, teach English, etc.) in June. I worked through the end of July, but haven’t found much work since, and I’m running out of money. I’m basically going to only have enough to get a plane ticket back stateside, but I’m at a total loss as to where to go or what to do once I get there. Before, I could always count on moving back in with my mother for a while if I really needed to, but she died a year ago, and none of the rest of my family is really an option. I have zero desire to go back to any of the red states where I grew up, and am sure I’d be happiest somewhere in the NYC/Philadelphia/D.C. area of things, but I have no idea how I’d even make it there, or anywhere for that matter. I don’t have a car, either, so public transport is basically a must. Any advice, ideas, etc, would be appreciated because I’m flat out of them….
Are you interested in continuing to nanny? There are probably plenty of families in the northeast corridor cities that would LOVE the idea of a nanny who has lived in France for 10+ years, can teach their kids a little French, etc. I don’t know what agencies or whatever exist, but that could be a good first job option β and I’ve definitely heard of wealthy families providing their nanny with a spare car to use, which would help on the transit issue.
It’s not really what I WANT to be doing, (hence planning to leave France in the first place– it’s basically all I can do here without a work visa) but I’m willing to do it in the short-term. Really not sure about the driving aspect of things, though. I did it from age 16-19 and then a couple of summers when I was back in the U.S., but I was never a confident driver to begin with, and haven’t been behind the wheel of a car since 2006. I don’t even have a valid driver’s license at the moment since I need a new picture, and they won’t let me do that online. I’ve been looking at some childcare-related ads, but actually seeking out agencies is a good idea, thanks.
Just for the car thing β I was never a confident driver, drove a bit between 2006-9, since then it’s been basically nothing apart from 2 occasions where I needed to drive everyday for a fortnight. Each time it only took a couple of days before I felt relaxed again.
Also, you can book a driving lesson even if you’re not a teenager anymore β I’m a Brit living mostly in the US, and I had a lesson in order to learn how to drive an automatic and on the right hand side of the road and with US road signs.
So your gap has been longer than mine, but don’t allow non-driving to totally dictate your life π
I’ve never actually lived there, but Philly is great, and definitely cheaper than New York while still being pretty close. Once you figure out where you’d be interested in moving, maybe try finding a facebook group for people who are moving to/within the city? Those are apparently a good way to find places to live/other stuff for getting settled.
/vague advice from an unqualified source
It’s definitely pretty high on the list. I even know of a couple couches I could crash on in the city for a while. It’s just I generally like to have *some* idea of why I’m going somewhere before I go there, and I’m kind of terrified. Don’t want to be leaving Paris at all, but it’s not working. π
Seconding owlegg’s recommendation for Philly. It’s cheaper than either DC or NYC but has some very decent public transportation, and many parts of the city are quite walkable. It also has excellent museums, restaurants, and stores – lots of the advantages of a big city without the outrageous cost.
Philly is great! I’m about to move there from the DC area. DC is so expensive now (which is basically why I’m moving). Philly has reasonable rents, great food and a ton of charm. There is a bar that is entirely decorated with DOGS.
No advice on the US side of things, unfortunately, but whereabouts in France are you? We’ve got a small “French Toast” group going on Facebook, with occasional meetups and all.
I live in Paris. π
Me too! Which arrondissement?
10eme. Alongside the Canal Saint-Martin. π You?
Also, just looked at your profile and noticed you mentioned a foster kitty. My roommate had a cat (we’ve lived together so long that I looked at her as my cat, too) who died last year. She’s a musician and travels a lot during the summer, so she’s not sure having another cat on a permanent basis is the best thing at the moment, but she’d love to foster one. We weren’t sure it was a thing in Paris. How do you go about it?
Um, I’m like 10 minutes away, probably. Near Oberkampf. beyoncepadthai1 is also in the 11th!
Here’s the French Toast FB group, if you feel like hanging out before you leave.
Fostering is *so* a thing in Paris. I work with this nonprofit: they provide the food, cover any medication or vet visits, etc. The foster family only has to pay for the litter. And just yesterday, they posted on Facebook that they were full up and desperate for new foster families (what with everyone going away for the summer).
Just joined and it says it’s pending. Bookmarked the other sites. Roommate’s not back until September, but I’ll pass on the info, thanks.
Approved!
So, when do you think you’ll be leaving?
It depends on what I end up doing/where I end up deciding to go, etc. Probably some time in mid-September.
I’ve lived close-but-outside Philadephia and am now in DC-area. Philadelphia is definitely not a bad plan! Cheaper cost of living than DC, certainly, although I honestly like both a lot for things like easy public transportation. More free museums in DC! All a balancing act.
As noted above, temporarily even doing the nanny gig would not be a bad idea at all, especially being fluent in French. Here and there I see things about tour-guiding for French-speaking tourists, which is a possible option. I don’t know what else you may like to do!
You might also want to consider Pittsburgh — low cost of living, great stuff to do and places to go, downside is that the public transit is pretty lacking, and though bikeability is increasing, it’s still a pretty car-centric place. Good luck!
2 great things:
1. I buzzed my hair last weekend! It’s amazing–I feel more confident than ever, my hair doesn’t get in my face during exercise or while reading, showers are shorter, post-shower time is shorter…it’s fabulous.
2. A professor donated her zine collection to my library, so I’ve been inventorying amazing feminist zines all week. And then I get to catalog them! I’ve always wanted to be a zine librarian, so it’s a dream come true!
I buzzed my hair last week and it’s amazing! The other night, my husband turned to me and out of the blue said, “I really like your hair like this.” He’s not one for dishing out appearance-based compliments, so that was a pleasant surprise.
Isn’t it great?!?!?! (technically, mine’s only 3/4 buzzed, “long” [< 3″] on the top, but I love it so much! It’s so fuzzy! I can feel the breeze! It upsets assholes! What’s not to like?)
Before this, my hair was like that–buzzed sides and back and up, then longer hair on top. I did love how I looked with that cut, but I couldn’t style it nearly as well as my hairstylist. It was like a trial run for buzzing it!
I went from waist-length in middle school to shoulder-length in high school to a variety of short/pixie cuts in college & beyond, and then for about two years I had a mohawk, and then earlier this year I shaved off the back of the mohawk. So it may well be a trial run for buzzing! Although I’m not sure how far I can take that trend…
Dear Nicole C. and fellow Kdrama loving Toasties,
I’m so mad at all of you. I started watching the Coffee Prince after last week’s article and it took over my life to an unhealthy degree. I achieved no work, got less than optimal sleep, and didn’t reply to the cute girl on OKCupid because I couldn’t stop watching! And now that its over, I’m just a girl, sitting here, trying to find fanfiction or something because IT CAN’T BE OVER COME BACK TO ME. Also Gong Yoo is the most delightful looking human being and I could live in his smile.
MY ROOMMATE’S BOYFRIEND WILL NOT LEAVE. I work from home on Fridays and she does not. Her boyfriend stayed over last night and was supposed to leave when he woke up this morning, but it is now past 1pm and he is still here, bumping around in her room. Give me support to go knock on the door and ask him to leave? He’s a cool guy but this is my only alone time all week and he is ruining itttttt.
Try telling him you have to do something he won’t want to be there for? Carpet cleaning or something? I don’t know. Worth a shot?
Vacuum, and keep bumping his door with it? Play your favorite work music at top volume, maybe like Steve Reich? And next time you chat with your roommate, mention it so she can make sure it doesn’t happen again. For today, console yourself with the knowledge it will never happen again.
We had already talked about it after he came over at 3pm last Friday to wait here for her to get home at 6pm….but APPARENTLY it didn’t get through to her so I will have to try again. THIS IS MY APARTMENT TOOOOOO >:(
Oh man, this sucks. My roommate’s (now-ex, THANK GOD) boyfriend used to do this ALL the time and it drove me bonkers. What made it extra sucky is that the dude lived alone – he had a nice apartment all to himself, with only his cat for company, so why he needed to bum around our flat when his lady wasn’t home, I’ll never know. I never did suck it up and talk to my roommate about it, which I regret – I was relatively new in the apartment so I didn’t feel comfortable speaking up against established patterns. I do think you need to do what I couldn’t, though, and it’s time you talked to your roommate (I mean, yes, again) and tell her in no uncertain terms that this is not ok. Be firm! Boyfriend is welcome to be there when roommate is there, but he is not a tenant and doesn’t get to come and go when he wants. My boyfriend lives alone, and has given me a copy of his key and carte blanche to be in his place whenever I want even if he’s not there, but I have two roommates, so he doesn’t have the same rights to my flat – it’s just not fair to the two other people who live there.
This guy lives alone too!!! But our place is closer to his work so he is here all. the. time. I am working hard at reinforcing boundaries!
Maybe you and he can swap houses and you can have his place all to yourself.
I’d be up for it if I don’t have to pay his (much higher, I’m sure) rent!
“You and I are going to be kind to each other. You are going to leave right now and I am going to be friendly to you the next time I see you because you will never again be here during business hours.”
HE’S GONE FINALLY. 3pm!!!!!!
JEEZUS. That is FIVE HOURS TOO LATE.
I know a bunch of you guys were also going to the Newberry Library book fair. What did y’all get? I went twice this year:
the strange woman! who is she? what is she doing?? why is she doing it?????
I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!
Reading this book will be a letdown no matter what.
better not to ruin the mystery. Let the Woman Bask in her Strangeness.
nice haul!! I picked up One Plus One by Jojo Moyes, and Crazy Rich Asians, and a super dorky history of Chicago Public Works from ~1971 with funnnn maps and infrastructure diagrams and photos. But my fiance got an ARMLOAD of pulpy fantasy. My goal is to get in earlier next year.
My strategy is to go as early as possible, and then also early on Sunday when everything is half price.
So jealous! I did not go because having packed about 40 boxes of books for my move, I am not allowing myself any new books until I am unpacked. Maybe next year. . .
Non-standard critter thread!
Our neighbor brings over wilty greens left over after the farmers market, and we give them to Mama Pig, who is teaching the babies to eat solid food.
Are donkeys sufficiently non-standard? The delightful Holly rocked the New Forest County show this week!
Very much so!! I have been thinking about getting a guard donkey, but I know nothing about them at all. But I think they are very cute.
My parents’ neighbors down the road have them (rescues? I think?). We just know they make crazy loud weird sounds.
I don’t know why I was surprised that donkeys don’t sound like they do in cartoons or whatever, since, you know, cartoons, but they do indeed make weird noises.
It often sounds like someone is being brutally murdered, to be quite honest. Nope, just the donkeys screaming.
Oh, what a wise porcine eye that mama pig has!
There are still owls hanging out where I work, although they aren’t quite as cute and fluffy anymore.
This looks like it could be in National Geographic!! The lighting, the colors, the composition, the incredibly intelligent expression from Mama Pig…. Well done!
Wow, thanks! Um, all credit goes to the iPhone (and my models who are extremely talented)
TOASTIES! Lots of stuff happening here. I finally told my job that I was going to grad school in September and they said “BYYYYYYE”, so I’m enjoying a few months of FUNemployment, which mostly means I’m sleeping late and almost never putting a bra on.
I’ve been having some really sad/scared Feelings about moving a whole ocean away from all my favorite humans. Plus, the fact that I haven’t been a student in four years is really making me nervous. Please send reassurance that all will be well!
Also, one of my friends met this guy from another state on Tinder like 6 months ago (he was in our town for the weekend?) and they started dating. After two months they had this whole weird timetable planned out about moving to be together, and at what point they would get engaged, married, and have children. This was all very alarming to us, but we tried our best to contort our faces into smiles when she talked about it. Anyway, he just dumped her, citing “I don’t love you” as the reason. This dudebro was her first real boyfriend, so natch she’s pretty upset. But, when I’ve tried to talk to her about it, the thing that it always boils down to is that she wants a husband. I get the impression that any husband would do. She says her house and dog overwhelm her and needs A Man to help her. She’s 26. Instead of mourning the relationship, her focus is more on finding another guy ASAP. I don’t even know how to talk to her about this. Any suggestions?
Explain to her that getting married just means she’d have A House and A Dog and A Man’s Feelings to take care of? If she’s overwhelmed now, just imagine how overwhelmed she’ll be then!
Moving an ocean away! Me too! And I’m having those feelings, but am not sure how to process either.
ugh I am so deeply frustrated right now by apartment hunting.
I have been staying with friends for two months now. And have not been apartment hunting for very long because I only got a real idea of my budget a few weeks ago. But I am now on the second place that I love and want and like the person I would live with and I am so worried I won’t get it again.
She is deciding between a couple potential roommates and while I feel like we would be awesome living together based on the one hour we spent talking, I don’t know who she will settle on. Plus, the thing that I had hoped to avoid by looking for people who were just looking for roommates is the whole landlord wanting references and credit checks and that will happen anyways. For complicated reasons I don’t want to talk about I got out of my recent relationship with debt and probably a really terrible credit score. I can fork over rental deposits in cash right now and also provide a document confirming that my income is adequate and completely stable but I don’t know if shitty credit will fuck all the things up for me. I really want this place.
The last place I went to go see made me deeply uncomfortable. The place itself was nice but at the very top of my budget, sparsely furnished, and the guy there now said he doesn’t want to bother buying decent furniture because he might move eventually. But, might have taken it if dude hadn’t been seriously creepy. He casually touched my arm a bunch of times, told me I had a good body to be a personal trainer (because muscles?), commented on my hair a bunch, told me that sound carries in the house a lot and told me I should just come back with my luggage. And he works from home, would be there all the time.
He kept telling me that I could stay longer, keep looking around! While smiling and being friendly and making me feel very uncomfortable in the short dress I was wearing.
I invented another appointment to get out, telling him I would be in touch but had to see other places. The Toronto rental market is such that even if he hadn’t been creepy in other ways just him telling me “It’s yours! Move in now! Go get your luggage!” would have been red flag enough. Nobody needs to work to find a renter. People looking for tenants and roommates can be as picky as they want.
So, I really want the place with a quiet nerdy lady as my roommate. Apartment hunting in Toronto is brutal.
Ahhhhhhhhh, that guy is mega gross. Also, major sympathies as I also live in Toronto, was apartment-hunting a couple of years ago, and may well yet have to do it again if anything happens to the building I’m living in now.
Good luck with this person deciding on roommates! We’re rooting for you.
: ((( Yeah, the Toronto rental market is brutal. And that dude sounds like a serious creep.
Posting under a throwaway for mild obfuscation purposes.
I have come to the conclusion that I think I should probably break up with my boyfriend of 10 months, and I am very sad about it. But every time I think I am certain about it, things get just enough better that I think I can keep going, and I think about when things were very good, and then I am not sure if I am making the right call. Because when he is great is very great! But he is not great all the time and there are some things about how he makes decisions (namely, without sharing them with me) that means that even if we weren’t fighting it would not be a good long-term prospect.
And we’ve talked about it, and I kind of assumed he was on the same not-super-happy page (we’ve been fighting a lot), but he’s been saying/doing things that indicate that he’s not, and now I feel rotten. Even though I know I can’t base my stay/go decision on his feelings about things, I still feel bad about the fact that he will be sad, even if that is not my concern.
And there’s the whole complicated dumb thing of this is the first sexual relationship I’ve had in several years for a bunch of factors, and the sex is pretty phenomenal, and I’m worried about that/will miss it.
I know this isn’t a very unusual boat for people in their mid-20’s. Anyone got advice/stories from ill-fitting pants breakups of ages past?
if you’ve never read it: http://therumpus.net/2011/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpu…
There is no downside to taking a break. It’s hard, so hard, but you can do it. Tell boyfriend not to contact you for 6 weeks (or longer). After that time apart, there will be more clarity. Good luck.
As An Old Person, I would just like to reassure you that you can (and will!) have great sex with more than one person.
I’m going on 2 day kayak trip at toward the end of August. I guess since it leaves from nearby town, it’s stayccationish? Looking forward to it in any case.
I’ve been doing my physical therapy, and even cutting back on knitting. Despite this,my dumb right hand keeps getting worse. I had trouble unscrewing the gas cap today,and the pain is pretty much constant. I have a follow up with my frankly not great doctor next week. Any tips on being assertive about getting proper testing done for my joint issues (right hand is the worst, but not the only affected area)?
I had a similar issue with a doctor not taking my headaches seriously. Can you find another GP? If not, try to keep a pain diary, so you have an idea of what movements are the most painful/time of day etc. You can look up your symptoms on Web MD and ask if any of the conditions are a likely culprit. But some doctors may be very negative about addressing such a question. I’m sorry you’re in pain, and I hope you are able to get good care!
I’m combining going-away with a staycation – about to leave for a music festival this weekend with my bestie, the Magic Mike XXL soundtrack is revved up and ready to go – then I took all next week off to recover.
In other news, I don’t remember which Toastie recommended Dragonfly: NASA and The Crisis Aboard Mir (ms98widow?), but thank you! Never before have I spent an entire book going CHRIST WHAT AN ASSHOLE on every page while simultaneously being riveted.
(Except for Bonnie Dunbar. I’d like to buy that woman a stiff drink and find out how she managed to keep from setting every single man on fire. Even the author, who was all, oh well chauvinists, whatcha gonna do? MAYBE QUIT BEING SUCH GIANT SEXIST DICKS, THAT’S WHAT)
ME! I AM READING IT TOO.
HOW DID WE GET TO SPACE LET ALONE STAY THERE BEING SUCH A BUNCH OF PRATS?
It was me! I hope your version also had the hilarious picture captions!
Yes! Kind of dryly sarcastic
I have this reaction to the Honor Harrington books. She is a kick-ass protagonist, but the author is a white libertarian chauvinist chucklefuck. The parts of the stories that aren’t dripping with Libertarian Chauvinism are really, really awesome.
To combat this, I recommend Tanya Huff’s Valor series for MilSF with a female protagonist. Feminism, sex-positivity, awesome alien species.
I love those books! Super fun, and also competence porn in the best way. She gets shit done.
(I just read The Future Falls (Tanya Huff, Enchantment Emporium series), and was kinda sad that SPOILERS AHEAD
the magnificent Charlie gets paired up. I mean, she’s still great, and she saves the day, and she gets a freakin’ gold dragon prince, but still. She couldn’t just be wild and wander the world playing music and hooking up as the mood moved her?)
Competence porn! That was the phrase I was looking for.
I haven’t started that series yet! Maybe Tanya Huff settled down and thus all her female protagonists had to too? On the bright side Magdalene, of short stories wherein she is the most powerful and laziest wizard in the world, doesn’t seem to have fallen into that trap.
Thanks for the rec! Have you read any Elizabeth Moon? I love her!
I also really enjoy Elizabeth Moon! My mom asked me how Tanya Huff compared to Elizabeth Moon just last night, in fact. She is in a similar vein, but I would compare Huff more closely to Holly Lisle, who I would also strongly recommend. I read Hunting the Corrigan’s Blood so many times the cover started to fall off.
this week has been busy but good. however, this morning a student got an id card stuck in the top scanner-bit of the copy machine where only paper should go. definitely had a moment of “why. why would you think that would work?” before pulling out the screwdriver and freeing his driver’s license.
in semi-related news our 3-hole puncher has a big “paper only” sign on it because people have tried to hole punch fake fur, cardboard, fabric, and the main flappy-cover bit of a binder.
please deposit your “why would you do that?” office supply stories here.
In my old office I was the resident copy machine fixer. Jams were usually not the user’s fault–the thing would overheat and inky pages would get stuck on rollers. Extracting them was like playing Operation, tweezing tiny ripped-off bits of paper out of hot metal teeth.
But sometimes I would go in on an extract-and-restart and find pools of paperclips. Why would you not take them off your packets before feeding them to the copier?
I had what looked like a set of dentist’s tools, except slightly larger, that I used for extracting the really tricky ones. I’m not sure where they came from, but whoever bought them made my life so much easier. That, and my set of needlenose pliers.
Yep- i keep a set of tools (including tweezers and a set of tiny screwdrivers) for such occurrences. Also they get used when students accidentally drop SD cards into the Macs’ cd drive slot (happens at least twice a quarter)
I used to work in the copy room of my law firm, and fortunately, most of the other staff/lawyers were so intimidated by the copier (the big, scary copier?) to try anything weird. Although I did have one person who was completely baffled by my contention that it is much faster to copy a clean, unfastened stack of papers than a binder full of hole-punched, folded, stapled, paperclipped pages of various sizes that may or may not be double-sided.
Also one time I had to copy someone’s tax records dating back to the 60s, which was just a pain.
Not a “why would you do that,” but – Stapler Guy!
There was a guy at my library who would complain every. day. that our stapler was broken. What it was was a little out of line, so that when you stapled something, one of the prongs of the staple would push through a liiiiiitle bit on the other side of your packet of papers. If it was just two pages, maybe it would poke through. He would bring this up every. day. and treated it like this was the most terrible, tragic thing that had ever happened in a library, ever. One day after he gave his daily rant I had to go into the break room and yell about him to the only person who happened to be there, I was just so mad. (She laughed at me for a week about that, but look, she never had to talk to Stapler Guy.)
Eventually it did get so bad that the staples were getting mangled, and we did replace the stapler. I’m sure he thought he won.
ugh. that sounds like something one of our faculty would do. As it is people use our heavy duty stapler (clearly marked for 30 or more pages–and it doesn’t lo like a typical stapler) for small stack staple jobs and then they complain about how the giant staples double, triple over on the paper. It would be fine if you used the correct stapler!
Our heavy duty stapler is by request only for that exact reason!
ours was but no one knew to ask for it so they just went on killing our regular staplers. when will people respect the staplers?! who will speak for the staplers?!
Maybe we need to put googly eyes on all the staplers so that they stare at people accusingly? (My office supplies have stopped disappearing from my desk now that I’ve done this. It is a little intimidating sometimes, though.)
it’s weird that you should say that because all of our office supplies do have eyes!
Those are WONDERFUL.
In my previous position, I sat near the printer. All morning the printer was making these horrible sad robot noises and finally my coworker went over to investigate and fished another coworker’s driver’s license out of its innards. Why would you attempt to copy your license by putting it through the machine instead of laying it on the glass? And when that failed, why were you willing to just abandon your license forever inside the printer? These are things I still ask myself.
Also, it would jam every single time it pulled paper from a certain drawer, so we kept that one empty and I put a post-it note that said NO on it a la Apollo 13 and building security made us take it off because it was “dangerous.” Oookay.
I just started commenting this week with a horrid pun on Jaya’s Casserole post, so I thought Id introduce myself.
Im Daisy, Im 17, and I start studying Women’s Studies at Agnes Scott College next month.
Im interested in poetry, records, Bollywood, and Netflix. A lot of Netflix.
Anyways. Hello! I love you all already!
Welcome, young Toast!
Preemptive welcome to Atlanta/Decatur! Go eat at A Piece of Cake if you haven’t already, it’s very tasty and near you!
Im stuck in Columbia SC for now but come the 23rd my fellow scotties and I will hit it up!
Yes welcome to you!! We love you more.
Hi, and welcome! I hope you’ll love your time in ATL & with the Toast π
I’m visiting Chicago next week! It’s for work, so I’ll have limited sightseeing time, but is there anything you’d especially recommend (for a bookish queer who likes swimming)?
Women & Children First bookstore! Which is pretty far from downtown, if that’s where you’re staying, but there’s a lot to do around it (Hopleaf, if you like beers). Used books: Myopic Books or Uncharted Books or Bucket O’Blood Books + pretty much name your favorite cuisine in Wicker Park/Bucktown. Lincoln Park Zoo (it’s free & near downtown!), or Chicago Architecture Foundation if you have time for a boat or bus tour.
…*bookmarks for upcoming staycation plans*
The Signature Room bar at the John Hancock Tower, at sunset/dusk.
I have moved to a new city, and I sort of…don’t know how to make friends? I am doing the stuff you’re supposed to do (join clubs, do stuff, have coffee with friends of friends, etc) but also like… how do people do this? As single, childless adults? Should I just get a dog and walk the dog and make friends with everyone who stops to pet the doggy? This is a solid plan, right?
I like this Ask Polly column, which deals with this issue: http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/08/ask-polly-how-do-…
If you can get a dog and you want a dog you should probably have a dog! I mean, dogs!
And I also agree about being patient. There are lots of ways to be a single, childless adult.
Hmm this may post twice, sorry if so!
That’s pretty much exactly how my one friend made all her friends in a new city, so it is a tried and true method! BUT, if you don’t want a dog otherwise – I moved to my current city almost 4 years to the day, started seriously joining clubs and stuff about 3 years ago, established a professional sphere about 2 years ago, and only in the last 12-18 months have been turning those relationships into actual friendships. You may be faster than I (I’m pretty shy so reaching out to people to hang out outside of organized events took a long time for me to do, and I had a partner who already had some friends here), but it takes time to go from seeing people at organized activities to saying “Hey, this person is fun at Frisbee Club, I should ask her to happy hour next week” or “I want to do X, I should invite Jane, the friend of a friend I keep forgetting exists!” and to do that consistently and build up intimate relationships with people. I don’t know how long you’ve been in the new city, but these things take time.
Those are the correct things. Remember to poke at your borders; things that you viscerally hated as a teen might now be totally enjoyable. And friendships are tense negotiations. Remember to follow through with actual invitations, throw parties, organize book clubs, throw a crafternoon (where people show up with their projects and drink and chatter while working), organize a salon… and invite WAY more people that you can handle in your space. Inevitably people won’t show, anyway.
Remember, the first year, at least, will be you finding your footing in this new city. It gets better. Which is not, perhaps, terribly helpful now. But it does get better.
Dogs are awesome, just sayin’.
Seconding the advice already given, and you’re doing great by joining clubs & putting yourself out there. I just want to add that the people you end up bonding with are not always the ones you hit it off with on first impression. The best friends I’ve made in my New City are people I initially seemed to have little in common with or met in places where I felt like I didn’t ‘fit in’.
Hello, Toasties! I am a long-time-lurker outing myself here because I have found my peoples. And, yes, I am a cat-owning librarian. Who is about to update her alternative-lifestyle haircut. Why do you ask? My weekend will involve helping an internet friend move and finally meeting her in person, which is both terrifying and thrilling. Also, probably, re-reading The Book Thief, because I’m in need of a good cathartic cry. What are your favorite books for that?
Jacob Have I Loved, that damn last chapter gets me every time, and it’s a kid-nostalgia book at the same time.
I am currently rereading The Book Thief myself! I’d forgotten how beautiful the language in that book is.
You had us at ‘cat-owning librarian’.
Podcast Thread!
How Did This Get Made? Happy that they got Hot Saucerman back, bummed about June missing another great ep. I never watched the second Sharknado and skipped the 3rd one as well, so getting the plot from the podcast makes it sound so terrible. Let’s hope the guys making the movies let them write or at the very least appear in the next one.
Comedy Bang Bang. Heynong Man?! Zouks and TV’s Andy Daly! Greatest duo plus a classic Jarles appearance.
What have you guys listened to?
The Lennon Parham/Jessica St Clair CBB episode “Finger Guns” is engraved permanently in my brain. I shaped my final year of high school on Marissa Wompler.
Recently, however, Ive been listening to Starlee Kine’s Mystery Show.
Oh man, I am getting extremely impatient waiting for Mystery Show to come back. It’s so good!
It’s weird to miss a podcast after just 5 eps, but I do.
I haven’t seen any of the Sharknado’s specifically because I don’t think they can live up to the HDTGM recaps of them.
Also, Scott Awkwardman has messed up how I pronounce the word Sharknado in my head.
Did you hear Matt Besser’s episode of the Lauren Lapkus podcast? It wasn’t exactly “funny” but it was really different and I liked it.
I loved that one. It was very dry and didn’t really get funny until Besser started interviewing Traci Reardon about being a replicant. I’m a fan of any episode that messes with the format that much.
Heynong Man is the stupidest joke that I cannot stop laughing about. The funniest thing about Jarles is that PFT clearly doesn’t have the physical capacity to keep the voice up for more than five minutes.
Do you listen to Dead Authors Podcast? Would highly recommend it if not! PFT as HG Wells, plus a rotating cast of other comedians. Zouks as Plato (natch), Andy Daly as L Ron Hubbard (amazing), Matt Gourley as Ian Fleming, etc. Ayn Rand, Maya Angelou, and Roald Dahl were all hilarious as well.
YASSSSSSSS
The Brothers Grimm is still my favorite, though.
“It’s like Opposite Christmas!”
I think my favorite one might be Anne Frank. Just because it could have been a disaster, but somehow managed to be amazing. The one with Ralph Elison (Demorge Brown) is another excellent one.
oh my goodness yes Anne Frank. Her Hiding Song…..oh lordy….
Oh man, I’ve only listened to a few of the Dead Authors, but the way Matt Gourley pronounced “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” as Fleming still cracks me up
Spontaneanation and Stop Podcasting Yourself make Mondays so, so good for me. HEYNONG MAN is so good I am seriously considering that dumb shirt.
I just came back to add Spontaneanation! This past week’s episode with Erinn Hayes was SO GOOD.
ADDICTED to the Mystery Show–she solves tiny mysteries! Also the opening music is written by Emmy the Great sooooo
Man I wanna like How Did This Get Made but uuughhhh. If I wanted to hear 2-3 guys shouting over each other (in that really obnoxious voice guys do when they are hyperbolic for laughs) about a shared experience they are not even bothering to give me enough details about, I would go to a bar.
Dork Forest, Night Vale, the Bugle, Mental illness happy hour, Dear Sugar, professor blastoff. More or less in that order.
I been meaning to listen to the Dead Authors podcast, and now I actually might.
Do any of you listen to the Allusionist? It’s a podcast about language with very short episodes, so it feels like a light snack. And I love Helen Zaltzman’s voice.
Toasties, what TV shows are you watching right now? I just finished the first season of Breaking Bad after remaining virtually unspoiled for like 7 years*, and it’s so gooooood. oh man. Late to the party, I know… anyway, I can’t wait to start the second season and maybe understand why so many people hated Skyler White??
(*Seriously, all I knew going in was that: 1) A bathtub does A Thing; 2) Walt descends into hell and emerges as a… not nice person?; 3) Protect Jesse Pinkman At All Costs; 4) Aforementioned Skyler hate; 5) People die. Don’t know WHO, but they die.)
I am also about 8 episodes from the end of Death Note and enjoying the hell out of it. I love hating Light Yagami so damn much.
People hated Skyler because misogyny.
Edit: I am trying to decide where to dedicate my tv-watching energy: Daredevil, Castle, or … crap, I forgot the other one.
I read a piece a while back about why the hate for Skyler and also Gemma the matriarch in Sons of Anarchy was totally just misogyny, but I can’t find that one now. But here’s one from Bitch about Skyler: http://bitchmagazine.org/post/why-do-many-breakin…
I liked Daredevil, and I’m not a Marvel fan. I did have to pay attention to it, Castle I can watch while folding laundry or quilting or making dinner
Anna Gunn also wrote a great NY Times op ed about dealing with the hate she’s gotten for playing Skyler: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/24/opinion/i-have-…
blerrrgh, I thought that might be the case. π
Daredevilll, it’s so good. Also pretty short season.
Edit: Also yes, misogyny, and people misunderstanding the whole point of the show and hero-worshiping WW for some reason.
I feel like I SHOULD like Daredevil more than I do. In theory, it is my cup of tea. But it’s so visually dark that I find it really hard to watch, and I just can’t seem to work up to caring. I watch an episode every week or so, shrug, and then watch something else.
Sense8, on the other hand, I mowed through in 3 days and am totally obsessed with.
Fair enough! I also loved Sense8 a lot.
SENSE8 YESSSS
Actually, we have had a hard time getting into Daredevil exactly because it’s so visually dark. Like, we have to wait until the sun goes down to be able to see any of the action on the screen. Maybe it’ll be a wintertime show.
mkmorrow, you should come to the next Seattle toastie hangout.
Yeah, the WW hero worship is very confusing to me.
I am slowly making my way through a full watch of the X-Files and a re-watch of Veronica Mars. Also, I still haven’t started Orphan Black and I don’t know why I’ve been putting it off when I will obviously love it.
Spoiler But Not Really: There is never any real justification for the Skyler hate. MRAs found her very triggering because she failed to perform her duties as an obedient wife. As we know, a wife who doesn’t do exactly what her husband wants at all times is actually an obstacle on the path to greatness. The actor who played her wrote a really great piece about it in the New York Times but you may want to hold off on reading it on account of spoilers.
Have you seen Bojack Horseman? It has Jesse Pinkman and it’s pretty delightful.
ohh, I remember when that op-ed came out! I didn’t read it because Spoilers, but I’ll have to come back to it after finishing the series.
I have not seen Bojack Horseman, but Netflix certainly has been trying to change that! perhaps I’ll pay attention to their recommendations for once π
Skyler White will get much more interesting. The show really makes you hate her for the first season or so, and build up a ton of sympathy for Walter, and then it slooowly starts to turn the situation around. The show continually manages to ramp up its intensity and awesomeness each season, so you’re in for a fun ride. I find the whole series works quite well as a portrait and critique of white male privilege.
I’m watching Penny Dreadful right now, and am about midway through the second season and still deeply in love. Man, between Vanessa’s apprenticeship to an awesome misandrist witch abortionist, “Lily’s” hatred of the corset, and Dorian’s relationship with Angelique, the show has gotten super-duper progressive this season. And I still want to copy Vanessa’s wardrobe and makeup. *Stops herself from going Full Goth.* It also manages to freak me the fuck out sometimes with its gothic horror elements. I am such a wuss.
Don’t stop yourself! (Vanessa is the misandrist witch queen I aspire to be.)
Penny Dreadful is the best show no one watches (it’s so so good).
see, I am pretty indifferent on Skyler at this point (after, OK, seven episodes). I don’t love her, but the secondhand hate I was seeing was so mindboggling! I’m watching with my parents and both of them don’t particularly like her, so it’ll be interesting to see if/how their opinion changes as the show goes on. Can’t wait π
Can anyone vouch for Wayward Pines? A friend recommended it, stars Matt Dillon and has a premise that sounds vaguely like Truman Show but as a creepy mystery (?) I need a new show too!
I’m watching Daredevil and even though I’m on episode… 11? I am still not sure whether I really like it or not. I feel like it would be healthiest for both Matt and Fisk to maybe consider just moving somewhere else. And I’m pretty sure that not only could I recognize my own friends if they wore a mask that left their chin and mouth free, but that I would be able to link the man in the mask and Matt Murdock based on his distinctive lips alone.
I just started Masters of Sex which is quite enjoyable. Lizzy Caplan is my jam. I think I might start the West Wing next.
I also have an (unfortunate?) addiction to CW-type teen dramas, so I’ve just caught up on Season 5 and 6 of Pretty Little Liars, season 9 of Supernatural and am considering starting Vampire Diaries again.
I’m slowly making my way through the X-Files, which I have never watched before! I’m now… 3 episodes into the second season, I think, and still enjoying the show tremendously! Only please someone go back in time and fix David Duchovny’s hair, it has been getting steadily worse for the last half-season.
Just started Sense 8 this week and am waffling on it 3 episodes in.
Oh my god so many feelings. SO MANY. First, breaking bad. Walter starts out as a nice guy, and the show is basically his evolution into heisenburg. I think the Skylar hate is because Walt STARTS out as a nice person, and Skylar is an obstacle to him. It’s hard to point to a place where you’re rooting for Walt and when it is Too Much. He’s an antihero, but also the protagonist. And THEY BETTER NOT HURT JESSE. Ahem.
Daredevil. Ah, senor foggy and matt’s lip and Jessica from True Blood and my secret shameful crush Wesley. Matt is, well, not the most competent. Senor Foggy says some things to Karen I do not approve of.
Sense8. Started it, got distracted. I miss my beautiful white-haired DJ.
Penny Dreadful; Vanessa (Eva Green) was my first real girl crush. Excellent and very gothic.
Comedy: Inside Amy Schumer and Key and Peele are both hilarious. Bojack Horseman satisfies my longing for more Jesse Pinkman.
I’ve been meaning to get into Hannibal. Orphan Black is NOT TO BE MISSED. Probably my favorite show.
Rick and Morty. Animated show, amazing and funny and yes watch all of it now. Up there in the top 10.
True Detective; skip season 2. It’s so disappointing how awful this season is considering how much I loved the first.
VEEP.
Welcome to Sweden: with Amy Pohler’s brother and occasional glimpses of her. Wentworth is an aussie women’s prison drama that I like quite a bit. Not as good as OITNB, of course.
Wayward Pines is on the to-watch list but I forget why.
As you can see, tv is my JAM. Sometimes I like to yell at my characters on twitter.
I’ve just started UnREAL and it’s actually making me want to watch reality tv (specifically the Bachelor), despite the fact that I almost never watch reality tv (it’s not a snob thing, it’s just that I tend to prefer scripted stuff and there’s too much of that to keep up with already).
I’m also still gradually making my way through the first season of Hannibal, but honestly? UnREAL may be scarier about the depths of human depravity. Ok, that’s exaggerating. But seriously some of the people on that show are evil.
I’ve abandoned the toast lately since I discovered TAROT INSTAGRAM
In other news, this last month I’ve mostly-accidentally been tapering off my anti-depressants. (I know you’re not supposed to do that, but it really was an accident at first.) So this afternoon I will be confessing to my shrink that I’ve been drug-free since… Sunday?
Finally, a faculty researcher is visiting me today in order to bask in the glory of ACTUAL PAPER INDEXES.
Life is good.
PS if anyone wants an actual Skype tarot reading, let me know! I feel like doing a free one BUT JUST ONE π
Don’t abandon us entirely! I like you. I’ve missed you.
Oooooohh I’d love a tarot reading! I am a little skeered, though. What if you see dire things in the cards? Does that happen a lot?
nah, that’s just in the movies π
although if you have enemies who will let me read cards for them, I could probably arrange to see something dire…
In that case, I’m down for both! How can we arrange this? Do you have a throwaway email where I can contact you?
dangerflakes at hotmail
Oh my god, something I could actually imagine using Instagram for! *ponders*
come say hi! this is me: https://instagram.com/notarot/
Toasties, I’m sure you all remember that New Yorker article about that earthquake/tsunami that’s totally absolutely going to wipe out the Pacific Northwest and is pretty much completely terrifying? Well, there’s a follow up where the author answers some of the big questions people had and how best to prepare.
And THIS article includes maps!
That is a great follow-up article, thanks for linking it.
Request for advice from my wise toasties!
I figured out a bunch of months ago that I have ADD and since then have been trying to figure out ways to be productive that work with this rather than fruitlessly struggling and hoping that just willpower will do the trick, which it never does.
Right now I’m just working on ways to keep myself on track during the day and figure out some sort of to-do list/schedule reminder system that actually works and is easy to implement.
Anybody have suggestions on good phone apps or other systems that work for them? Most things seem needlessly complicated or don’t have enough built in reminders so I actually check my lists.
You might like Wunderlist! It’s free (there’s a paid version that offers a few more features, but you probably wouldn’t need it), it works across all your devices, you can set reminders and get notifications, and it’s pretty π
Checklists are my friend. If I can sit down and write out all the tasks I need to accomplish throughout the day, I tend to get more done. I also listen to podcasts while I do boring/thoughtless work (like form letter mailing) to keep me on track and from wandering to other tasks/distractions. I have a list of stuff that happens every week (and have assigned them days to be done on) that I write down with tasks specific to that day. It’s helped me a lot.
Seconding Wunderlist! I don’t meet all the diagnostic criteria for ADHD (ironically, I’m okay on memory, but can’t remember the others I do or do not meet!) but have enough of it that it’s definitely noticeable in my daily life, and Wunderlist has been really awesome. You can add notes, due dates, reminders, upload related photos, it’s fantabulous.
Twitter #Toastie dears – will you please let me know if you are also Women in Tech? I have a list for that, too:)
I am training to be a patent attorney, don’t know if that counts? Got my PhD in theoretical Physics, so it always feels weird to call myself ‘techy’ when I’ve never even worn a lab coat or used tools aside from Mathematica.
Cool! I’m an engineer and work mainly on a computational project. I’m trying to start using twitter more, so if you feel so inclined it would be lovely to be added to your list! My twitter name is the same as my name here.
I’m.just finishing up three weeks of staycation. I’ve made a sizable dent in the cushions of my comfy outdoor furniture and couch. Read lots of books, practicesd yoga almost every day started a new meditation practice practice, tried out riding my bike to our new office location, went to a family wedding and made jam.
Psyched that I finallyyyyyyyy have a good reason to ask this: What’s your best bit of job interview advice?
I always get to the end of an interview and the interviewer will go “so do you have any other questions for us?” and I can NEVER THINK OF ANY, and I feel silly. So. Have stuff to ask them.
Definitely this. Bring questions.
When I interviewed for my current job, they seemed to really like that I asked “where do people generally go from this position?” I think because it implied that I was looking for a long-term thing rather than just a placeholder. What it actually meant was that I asked google “what questions ask at job interview” because I wanted them to think I was invested and not just looking for literally anything to keep from having to ask my parents for $$.
yes, this! I was so glad I wrote down two: “I’ve never worked in [sector] before, what’s going to surprise me about it?” and “If there is such a thing as a typical work week, what is it?”
Also, rehearse the heck out of an answer to Tell Us About Yourself.
This is my favorite list of potential questions to ask. Adjust according to your needs and write them down ahead of time!
https://www.themuse.com/advice/51-interview-quest…
“What are your priorities for this position to accomplish in the first 90 days (or insert time period here)?”
Best question is some version of: “When you think of people who thrive in this role/company, what sets them apart from people who don’t?”
If it’s the type of company that has a specific “company culture,” ask a lot of questions about it — that will signal that you’re really looking to make a good fit and mesh well with them.
Generally, don’t forget that you’re interviewing them too — you want to make sure THEY are a good fit for you, also. You’re not completely powerless in this equation. Also, read all the archives at askamanager.org
Good luck!
If you make eye contact while they’re asking you questions, and at the beginning and end of your answer, you can stare into a corner of the room or at your hands while you talk and still look like you’re invested and paying attention. (Which of course you are, but – eye contact. Surprisingly difficult.)
They will always ask you “tell us about yourself” and “why do you want to work here,” in some variation or another, so be sure you have really good answers.
Gum is a bad idea, but a breath mint can help.
Print out your resume, cover letter, references, and a cheat sheet of answers/questions to ask them and read them all over before you get in the car. Stick them in a folder and bring them with you. And then bring a book, so that when you get there a couple minutes early and have to wait, you have something relaxing to do so you’re not getting wound up in the 30 seconds before you meet the interviewer. (I recommend something you’ve read before, so you don’t get engrossed, and something funny. Wodehouse is my go-to; Pratchett would also probably work.)
Maybe not say “well like a lot of millenials, i have no idea what i’m doing with my life” the way I did in a recent interview for a job that I (obviously) did not get
In this kind of situation, my boyfriend and I are fond of reminding each other: “Remember, don’t pee yourself!”
When I was interviewing at a national laboratory I had to give a one hour presentation on my area of expertise. I was an undergrad, so of course I didn’t really have expertise, I had general knowledge. Anyway, I wrote out a presentation and then asked my boyfriend to listen and critique. He critiqued the hell out of it, and my level of confidence went through the roof.
So, if you had to make a presentation about your area of expertise, what would it say, and then, find a friend who will listen to it and help you gain confidence. The point is to know your subject area expertise (cliches follow) forward and backward, and you can answer any questions because you spent time thinking about what it is you really know, what your strengths are … and at all times, appear confident. (And btw, if you’re wrong about something, just own it … and show that you can learn from your mistakes and you can learn new things … ).
A friend once gave me a great piece of advice, and it has worked well for her and me: when you’re at your interview, ask for the job. Say something like “everything sounds great, and I would really like to work here” or “Thanks so much for having me in. I think this job would be great, and it’s exactly what I’m looking for,” etc. I don’t say things that earnestly most of the time, but in this situation it works really well, and reminds me to be enthusiastic about the job, which I often forget when I’m giving serious and considered answers to interview questions.
Oh my gosh that is a wonderful simple beautiful thing and I LOVE it.
/currently rewriting resume soooo
When they ask if you have any questions, ask: “What do you like about working here?” People love to talk about themselves and it can reveal company culture.
Also, follow up with a thank you email/note. I’ve been hired for every job I’ve done this for. Something really brief, like “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me. I really enjoyed “blank thing from interview”. I look forward to hearing from you. Your name. Contact information.”
Read up on their website, get familiar with any mission statements they have, and how the office/position fits into the larger organization (if so); if they have published reports, try to read one or two.
Have a list of talking points to reference in your answers, with examples to support- that way you’ll always have something to respond to a question with.
I second the recommendation for Ask A Manager! She’s AMAZING. The advice is really down to earth and she always explains her reasoning. http://askamanager.org
She always says that the best question you can ask is (paraphrased) “What’s the difference between people who do well in this job and the people who do REALLY well”. You want to find out the difference between good and great, not just between good and not good enough. Then you get the info you need to know how to become truly great at the job, and the interviewer might be impressed that you want to aim high.
This may be obvious, but it really helps if you think about what you want to know for your own sake (if you get the job, what would you wish later on that you had known before you started?), instead of thinking that you need to figure out how to beat the game. You’re more than a gamer! Break the fourth wall!
Another lurker! So, my bf is divorced (for 3 years) and maintains a warm relationship with his ex-wife, no pets no kids. She got married and had a baby within the last few months… And also this week decided it’s time for them to sit down and hash out some old stuff about their marriage. ??? I’m fine with them being friends but this is a bit weird for me. BF gets it and is supportive but I wish I had friends who could relate.
It turns out it’s really hard to talk to your married and single friends about dating a divorcee bc they have lots of ~feelings about divorce~. So, any Toasties been in a similar sitch?
RAISES HAND
Yep. MrChouffe and I started dating/moved in together when he wasn’t quite divorced. It was fine at first and it’s fine now, but there was a section about three months in (funny enough, right after the divorce was finalized) during which he and his newly-minted ex-wife were, like, hanging out and walking their dog together and getting coffee sometimes.
It goes without saying that we were in a hell of a rough patch at that point.
After a few weeks of that, he was obviously getting into a mental state that was not healthy AT ALL, for anyone, and I finally told him that I was aware that he was driving himself into said unhealthy mental state so whatever he was doing was pretty clearly not working so how about trying a different tack for a while and seeing what happened? And he did, and he asked her for some space, and then told her they weren’t getting back together.
It took three years for her to stop texting and calling him every time she fell into a hole, but it’s finally done, and things are a lot easier now.
TL;DR it seems fairly common that Big Life Changes tend to spur the urge to talk to people who were important to us in previous lives, and it’ll pass.
AHHHHH thank you! This is so helpful- you’re like my fairy godtoaster!
Everyone has crushes and so I wasn’t especially bothered when dude friend started having a crush on a new colleague – but I wanted to burn him with fire when he was gushing over her and said “you’ll like her, she’s a bigger feminist than you are!”
Ahem.
What doofus things have your loved ones said that have made you want to (lovingly) annihilate them?
Yesterday, my 12-year-old asked me what a VHS was, and my throat made this weird, involuntary choking noise before I could answer him.
We had a staycation at a beach house last week, and I won that by snorkeling with my kids for as many hours as possible.
We just bought a VHS-to-DVD converter for the library, and I’ve been training the staff on it before we open it up to public use. I had to ask all the younger staff members if they’d used a VCR before. (So far the answer has been yes. Thank god.)
And as if to add insult to injury, this morning my 6-year-old:
“How did people from the 1980s survive?”
Me: “Uh . . . what?”
Her: “How did people from the 1980s SURVIVE.”
Me: “I . . . what do you mean?”
Her [exasperatedly]: “HOW DID YOU AND MOMMY LIVE TO NOW”
We had to explain to her that we had electricity, and refrigerators, and cars and houses back then. SHE THOUGHT WE WERE SO OLD THAT ELECTRICITY HADN’T EXISTED. I’M ONLY 34.
Back in 2006ish I was babysitting and they wanted to watch a movie, so I said “Where’s your VCR?” and they said “What’s a VCR?” and I cried silently inside.
Do we really not have a reading thread yet?
This week I finally started reading the copy of Cherie Priest’s Maplecroft that I won from a Tor.com giveaway back when it came out last year (oops), and it is so amazing. Lizzie Borden: Victorian lesbian and monster-hunter. Like. What more do you actually need? (I am so enjoying this trend of ladies writing Lovecraftian horror without all the gross racism and sexism parts. People can turn into horrifying fish-people without there being a disturbing anti-miscegenation undertone to it, y’know?)
I was about to start one if I didn’t see one once page 3 popped up!
This week I’ve been reading Edith Wharton’s Age of Innocence, I’m about halfway though and enjoying it more than I thought I would. I’ve also just started Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn, which has an interesting premise (an island starts banning the use of different letters of the alphabet, and as they do those letters disappear from the book), jury’s still out on the execution of it though!
I also read Lives in Ruins by Marilyn Johnson this week, which is a nonfiction book about archaeologists. It was alright, but pretty basic. But then, I have an archaeology degree so I am probably not the target audience for it.
Good to hear about Lives in Ruins – I bought it for the library, because archaeology, but I too was an archaeology major and would probably be underwhelmed. I shall just continue to foist it on unsuspecting strangers, then. π
Ella Minnow Pea is so good! Agreed that the format doesn’t always work – ugh, exposition in an epistolary novel! – but the fun of the plot way overrides that for me.
Okay, that officially sounds like the most amazing book ever written. I’m gonna need to track that down. It has everything I could possibly want, I think: Horror, Victoriana, lesbians, Lizzie Borden, a lack of racism and sexism . . .
I think it’s the last thing I’m on a quest to find in good horror novels.
(Then again, I also apparently decided that the haunted house novel I really wanted to read didn’t actually already exist, so I started writing it.)
HORROR NOVELS. So disappointing, as a genre. And yet I keep trying to read them.
(Good luck on your haunted house novel! I am almost there myself.)
I have the exact same problem with horror novels. I keep hoping they’ll be better than they tend to turn out.
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Are you writing one?? That’s awesome–What’s it about?
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(Mine is still kind of in that amorphous phase of a lot of intense outlining and maybe only the first few chapters of the actual rough draft written.)
I am also definitely in the amorphous stage! But I’ve been churning through horror movies and horror novels lately and everything is just that little bit wrong, not quite the perfect horror thing I was looking for (or, more often, drastically, laughably wrong), so I’m getting to the point of just throwing my hands up and writing it myself.
There will definitely be monsters. And witches. And things that follow you and never stop.
I think that describes my feelings exactly. I think I’ve tended more towards movies than novels lately, but I also feel like most things I watch/read fall under either: “This is pretty great, but it would be so much better if only they did XYZ,” or, “Well, the premise had promise, but . . .”
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Or, sometimes, it’s: “This is so terrible that I’m not sure there’s any way to strip it down to its bones and rebuild the basic idea into something good. Maybe I should try.”
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What would you say is some of the best horror you’ve read/seen? (Or alternately, what’sΒ the absoluteΒ worst?)
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“There will definitely be monsters. And witches. And things that follow you and never stop.”
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Already this sounds great. π
Best horror is definitely Shirley Jackson, Tananarive Due, House of Leaves, Guillermo del Toro’s The Orphanage, the movie Fallen from 1998 with Denzel Washington and John Goodman. I like something with good atmosphere, something that leaves you with a longstanding sense of unease, but I insist on actual story elements and preferably non-hateful characters as well. Oh! I also love the small subgenre of “rural ritualistic horror:” Harvest Home by Thomas Tryon, “Children of the Corn” (the short story, not the movies), the original Wicker Man. (Most of those I don’t find actually scary, but damn if sacrificing annoying white dudes to the gods of the corn isn’t satisfying.)
The one I keep wanting to break down and fix is The Caretaker of Lorne Field, which is the only horror story I’ve ever read where I liked the ending more than the rest of the book. It’s got a great idea! In execution it’s pretty terrible. I’ve never once read a Stephen King novel where I didn’t think I’d figured out the ending and then been disappointed because the actual ending was not as good as the one I came up with.
And then there’s shit like Orphan, which was recommended to me as “one of the best horror movies of the 21st century,” and is in fact just a movie about being terrified of traumatized children. (I mean. It’s got a stupid-ass plot twist as well. But every single thing the Creepy Child does is a thing that actual traumatized children actually do, so yeah, obviously we should make that into a horror movie. Cripes.)
Tell me your favorite horror, I’m always on the lookout for more!
Okay, so Shirley Jackson. Definitely Shirley Jackson. I really really like We Have Always Lived in this Castle (and its amazing title) and a lot of her short fiction, but I gotta be honest, I could basically re-read The Haunting of Hill House whenever given a reason and not get tired of it.
I’ve been told that if I like Hill House, I need to read Richard Matheson’s Hell House, but I haven’t yet. I started it once and got about fifty pages or so in (or so, up until the first seance session or whatever it was) and liked a few things about it up until that point, but I remember feeling like it was hitting a vague psuedo-erotic-lesbianism-for-the-male-gaze thing between a couple characters and as I said to my dude as I gave up, “I don’t really think investigating a place known as Hell House is the kind of situation where you should be maintaining a strong awareness of the state of all the women’s breasts.” (Maybe Hell House is a fantastic book if I shoulder on past the fact that the text kept reminding me that a straight man definitely wrote this, I don’t know. I wasn’t too dead-set on finding out.)
(That being said, Matheson’s short story “Graveyard Shift” is about three pages long and was one of the first short horror stories I read that made a lasting impression on me. I think I was high school at the time, but the fact I still remember it and have made a point to reread it since probably speaks somewhat well of it.)
I’ve seen Fallen and I remember liking it a lot. I think the main thing I took from it was how it used “Time is on My Side” effectively. (Solid use of music/music cues will always win points with me, I think. Basically, if you can make it so I can never listen to a song the same way again, you’ve probably done something right.)
The Orphanage is amazing, I agree. It’s definitely one of my favorite films under the horror umbrella, possibly one of my favorites in general.
At the moment, I’m actually really fond of Oculus, which came out either last year or the year before. I really liked the way the narrative is structured, intertwining the present-day storyline with what had happened ten years or so ago before, eventually hitting a point where it will sometimes shift between the two in-camera, which really plays with the way the movie deals with the characters’ unreliable perception of reality. I also liked the fact that rather than taking the easy “whoops, the supernatural has wiped out all technology” route, it takes goes with more of a “good luck, guys, your technology still works . . . kind of” approach.
I haven’t read a ton of Stephen King, but I can see that being the case with his work as much as I’ve read it. I have a really strong fondness for the novel Carrie, although I’ll also be the first to admit that it’s not exactly the most perfect piece of fiction. Other than that, I enjoyed things about The Shining, but again with it not being the most perfect thing ever written. It has some really solid small moments of quiet atmosphere-building, but then has scenes where I know King was going for a Big Scary Moment, but for me, it just broke the quiet tension in a way that didn’t necessarily scare me more. (Sorry, Stephen, your thing with the topiary was not working for me.)
I think that’s kind of what I look for: The building of atmosphere and tension. If you can keep me absorbed and on edge effectively over the course of a novel/short story/film in a way that makes a lingering impression, that’s a pretty good point in your favor.
Tale of Two Sisters, a Korean film, does a really strong job of building tension/atmosphere in that way, from my memory of it. (It’s been a couple years since I saw it, but I really need to get around to rewatching.)
I actually saw the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre for the first time less than a year ago, and it made a pretty strong impression on me (which I hadn’t expected). It’s not perfect, but it does what it does more effectively than I had expected going in. I had been told it was worth watching, and I put it on figuring it would be basically what it says on the tin: a chainsaw massacre in Texas. And that’s not . . . quite what it gave me. It’s a strange little shoestring film with some legitimately gorgeous camerawork and a startlingly effective sense of how to let a scene/shot go on just a little longer than seems bearable.
I enjoyed Wicker Man for its dreamlike visual quality and its dedication to extended folk music singing scenes. Also for it setting aflame an uber-Christian straight white policeman. I mean, I liked the guy and all, but I also liked his inevitable demise. A+ ending.
I had the misfortune/blessing of having the twist to Orphan spoiled for me without having seen it, so I guess it’s a good thing I wasn’t particularly sold on the “family adopts a weird creepy kid” thing that the trailers had promised, for pretty much the reasons you said. It felt like it was saying, “Here’s a troubled orphan who looks like a Scary Kid(tm) and probably needs some serious therapy or support, so maybe let’s just be scared of this child instead.” So I guess it’s good that there was a twist and that wasn’t all it was? But, damn, the twist they came up with is sort of hilarious. (Full disclosure: I still haven’t seen it.)
Okay, now I feel like I’ve typed way too much and probably shouldn’t go on . . . Because if I don’t stop typing now, it could end up being about a million more paragraphs.
Actual storylines and non-hateful characters, though. Yes. So much this.
Someday I’m gonna read Richard Matheson. Someday.
Oh man, thank you so much for the Oculus rec – I hadn’t seen it before, and it was amazing. Really makes use of the medium, too, lots of visual tricks that just wouldn’t work in anything but a movie. I love it when something can do that well. Asian horror reliably fucks me up, so I may or may not watch Tale of Two Sisters.
(I am a huuuuuge fan of The Shining, but more because I read it after I figured out that Stephen King is basically always writing about himself. Sometimes it’s a stretch, but sometimes it’s phenomenal, and I think The Shining and Pet Sematary are the two where he really nails it, really successfully takes his fear of what he might turn into and makes it more universal. Except for the last ten pages of Pet Sematary.)
I have been holding off on seeing Texas Chain Saw Massacre because – okay, here’s the thing. I took a couple of gothic lit classes in college and got really into them, and at one point I read this essay by someone who taught gothic horror, and taught TCSM, and she wrote this essay about how one time she was showing the movie and suddenly realized something, and it made the whole thing both incredibly meaningful and deeply hilarious. And of course I can’t remember who wrote the article, or what the thing she realized was, or even when I read it to help narrow down my search. But I am convinced I will find it again, and then I will watch the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I admit that this is a little weird. I can live with that.
(Having now finished Maplecroft, I can say that it is just as good as it was in the first hundred pages, and you should totally read it. Also there is a sequel coming out in September which I am v. excited for.)
And please, carry on! Or you can track me down on Dreamwidth or Livejournal where I am also jenavira. I could go on about horror for days.
Re: Texas Chain Saw: I don’t know if that’s weird, ’cause it sounds like something I might do. I’m now also really curious what the thing was that the essay writer realized. (I’m also jealous of your gothic lit classes. I think the closest I came to that was somehow managing to take two totally different lit courses from two different professorsΒ that did Jane Eyre in the same semester at theΒ same time, but thatΒ doesn’t reallyΒ count.)
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I think my favorite thing about The Shining (which I did enjoy a lot, despite my occasional dissatisfaction with some of the horror aspects) was the level to which you could feel Stephen King pouring himself into Jack Torrance and using this story to wrestle with some of his–Well, I was gonna say “his personal ghosts,” but then I realized what a bad pun that sounds like when talking about a novel set in a haunted hotel. And that was the facet of the novel that resonated the strongest with me: the exploration of this man who’s not necessarily always a good man but definitely isn’t a bad one either, and whether he can redeem himself into goodness, or whether he’ll succumb to his demons, etc. Which I think really ties into me being drawn to horror populated by three-dimensional characters with wants and needs and nuance and depth, where you have a sense that they’re real people with lives that have a history that began before whatever the Scary Thing is–and that their history in some way shapes the way they interact with the story they’re a part of.
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I can’t remember where I heard this or who said it, but I think it was in King’s introduction he wrote to one edition of The Haunting of Hill House, where there was the argument made that the (living) people in a haunted house story should always be haunted by something beyond the literal ghosts in the house/hotel/whatever.
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I think it was also King who once said something like “love creates horror” as an argument (to paraphrase) that you have to care about a person in order to be invested in them enough to be horrified by what might happen to them/be anxious for them.
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So I think those are the things I really liked about The Shining. (Maybe as far as the rest goes, I just have a weird personal dissatisfaction with moving topiary?)
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I haven’t seen much Asian horror at all, so I don’t have a lot to compare it to, but from what I remember (it’s been a few years) Tale of Two Sisters wasn’t as hardcore devoted to the J-horror style visualΒ scariness. Mostly what I remember was a slow build of quiet-but-often-unbearable tension and really good use of the architecture of the house and the colors of its interior. But, again, it’s been a few years so I could possibly have completely forgotten really key terrifying things about this movie.
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Speaking of using the inside of a house and its colors, did you see The Babadook? If so, what did you think? I ended up seeing it twice in theatres and I think it did a good job from a character-driven standpoint. (See above re: my many feelings about Jack Torrance.)
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I sadly don’t have a Dreamwidth (or I think I technically do, but I never used it beyond signing up for it–as is how my relationship with the internet often works) and I don’t know that I’ve used my Livejournal in maybe five years, so I’m sort of tragically bad at being found on the internet. (I have a Tumblr at theo-winterwood, but it’s pretty low on original content and sort of scatterbrained.)
It Follows is a really, really good horror movie. It doesn’t shame the main character for having sex, and it has a kind of creeping, omnipresent sense of dread. I want to say more but I don’t want to spoil it. Basically it’s a great, scary horror movie that I think is also feminist.
I’m happy to see other people have seen the original Wicker Man. I love the folk songs.
Also got to second (or third?) the recommendations for Shirley Jackson.
I’ve heard good things about It Follows and it’s definitely on my to-watch list, so I think now I’m gonna have to do that sooner rather than later . . .
I read one of Cherie Priest’s other books a few years ago and liked it, so I guess now I”m going to have to add “Maplecroft” to my list as well.
I just finished reading “Out of the Easy” by Ruta Sepetys yesterday (and was late back to work from lunch because of it). It was really really good. The female main character is tough and intelligent, but flawed and believable. The villains aren’t cookie cutters. All the side characters have depth and are fantastic (Cokie!!). If you’re up for 1950s New Orleans, I would definitely recommend it.
I have never once read a Cherie Priest book I didn’t like, which probably means I should get over my distaste for steampunk novels and just read Boneshaker already.
Boneshaker was really enjoyable. I haven’t read any of the sequels, so I can’t comment on those.
I’m reading Alif the Unseen by G. Willow Wilson, and loving it. I haven’t read any urban fantasy in a while, and this one ticks sooo many of my buttons.
Oh I really enjoyed reading that one earlier this year!
I just finished In The Woods by Tana French and then The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro. Former I was a little underwhelmed by. Latter Ii read mostly in one lovely, lazy day, and very much enjoyed it. It’s magical realism but applied to a tale of Camelot (sort of) which is kind of cool because you don’t expect magical realism in that context. It was very moving. It made me feel both very old and very young at the same time. It scared me a little–about aging and about being in love and about the state of justice in the world.
ETA: taking recommendations on anything to read next, too. Anyone read Broken Harbor? Is it good? (I read the first three out of order whoops)
I liked In the Woods, but oh my god I couldn’t stand the narrator by the end. What a grade-A douchecanoe. (I thought that was kind of the point, but reading reviews on goodreads makes me think I was in the minority?)
totally forgot about The Buried Giant – on to my to-read pile it goes!
The narrator was theeee worrrrrst– which is, in itself, a fine thing in a book. Narrators who are terrible people are often fun to read. But the thing near the climax with him and Cassie kind of ruined it for me– it seemed out of character for both of her and even him, it didn’t add anything to the plot, and coupled with his douche-canoeness, it just left a bad taste in my mouth.
I could talk about Tana French all day.
Sometimes I fantasize about writing an exploration of land and space and displacement in her work.
Rob is an ass, but my favorite thing about him is he *knows* he destroyed a rare and beautiful thing–he’s self-aware. When it’s too late. Maybe I’m a sadist.
It scared me a little–about aging and about being in love and about the state of justice in the world. <–how I feel about ALL of Ishiguro’s work.
Natchez Burning, by Greg Iles. I was shamelessly Googling “books like True Detective” because the 1st season was simply my favorite television ever, and that one popped up.
It is quite good and quite engrossing; its recommendations by Stephen King et all about being really un-put-downable are quite accurate. Set in the South, it follows a series of KKK murders in the Civil Rights era & their effect up to the present day. The writing moves right along, although so far the atmospheric descriptions (so key to a story set in the South, it seems to me) are not quite living up to the standard set by, say, James Lee Burke’s admittedly purple prose. (In one book by the latter, he twice described clouds the same way as bruised-plum-colored…he must have forgotten he had previously done so!)
I’ve recently finished a couple of awesome This Is How The World Ends selections, for anyone who’s into that sort of thing…
* Margaret Atwood’s “Flood” series, starting with ‘Oryx and Crake’. This near-future book is chillingly close to our own, and then things start going very wrong. The three books are all told with different main characters, which makes the story very rich.
If you liked The Handmaid’s Tale, I think this series was better.
* Neal Stephenson’s ‘Seveneves’. I know the dude has more than a modest penchant for pages and pages of exposition. And this one’s really no different, EXCEPT that all the exposition is about really cool stuff like…orbital mechanics and how gravity and propulsion and stuff work IN SPACE. The other thing that really struck me about this is how …shockingly, stridently *feminist* it is. Two of the main female characters (there are many!) are leaders of the ISS and they have conversations about things like imposter syndrome or how ridiculous it is that the media try to drive the narrative that they *must* be in conflict! Did I mention that there are a lot of female protagonists? And they are racially diverse. And they are all very unique in personality. Some are physically strong, some are smart, some are conniving, some are cowardly, some are hot-tempered, some are brave, some are socially adept, some are technical geniuses… take THAT ‘Strong Female Characters’. These are strong characters (female).
Also, the disaster that I knew was coming since, like… page 10? Still made me cry. Well done, sir, well done.
I just finished Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel. It’s a dystopia, but far less about the “Mind how we get here, good Lord the dystopian future is so bleak!” Really more an exploration of what it means to be human, to be in community, to have culture. I listened to it on audio during my commute, and it just was really wonderful. Definitely will re-read in paper at some point in the future.
Speaking of Victorian (well, actually, more like Romantic-era) lesbians: I just finished reading Heather Rose Jones’ Daughter of Mystery and The Mystic Marriage, both lesbian romances with a strong fantasy element (there’s magic in this world, in the form of thaumaturgy and alchemy) set in the early 1800s in an imagined European country bordering on France, Italy, and Switzerland. The first one was recommended by a friend who was delighted to find well-written queer romance where nobody gets the Cliched Tragic Ending; I liked it so much I devoured the sequel, as well. There’s swordplay! And opera! And court intrigue! And the author is planning a bunch more books in the same series, so I’ve got more to look forward to.
I just bought Daughter of Mystery, glad to see another good review of it!
The most recent book I finished was The Invisible Library by Genevieve Cogman, which was a lot of fun- magic ninja librarians and airships. (The male lead was a bit annoying, but the heroine was cool.)
Huzzah reading thread!
I finally finally finally finished The Secret History of Wonder Woman, which was not great. So well-researched but I finished it not knowing why the author chose to write it.
Just picked up Luckiest Girl Alive and I am in love-hate with the narrator and racing through it.
Dan Simmons’ _Summer of Night_ was creepy and scary and sad. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for at least a year. It’s All Boys All The Time, but that’s kind of a Dan Simmons thing. A very very very well-told story, even when it got Lovecraftian.
I’m late to this thread, but <3 it, obviously. It’s always wonderful to discover weird fiction written by people who -wouldn’t- care about the Central Asian “taint” in my bloodline and whatnot.
Also, Pet Sematary has one of my favorite depictions of grief in fiction, period. It’s too bad so many people are dismissive of genre fiction in its entirety.
Update on sister: ALL DONE. As in, she went back to her house, talked to him, said it was time to divorce, they split everything up, he’s taking the (underwater) house, she gets to walk away, and the lawyer signed off on everything, and it’s filed in court today. THAT was a busy week! Whiel I am happy for her that she has no kids and it went smoothly, I am feeling very trapped here and feel like I may never ever get to move for a job that I want, or never get to get away from him, and the next 6 years until my youngest turns 18 are looking bleak. If this is how I feel when it’s sunny and 80 out —ugh.
My mom is recovering well, it’s been almost 2 weeks since her knee replacement and the worst thing so far is the nausea from the pain meds. Her mobility is terrific.
There have been no new job leads in town and a LOT of jobs out of state and I am in a bit of a “Why did I think I’d ever get to actually succeed in my do-over career change at midlife” funk.
Also my shoulder impingement was driving me crazy. So I said, fuck it, if it’s goign to hurt whether or not I work out, I’m working out, and I went to karate yesterday. The shoulder is ok today. If I don’t work out tonight it will suck tomorrow, but I think I’m just going to go on the “don’t let it stiffen up and get tight” plan. If I do, then I can go to the dojo sat, sun, mond, wed, thurs. every week. I need the willpower to do that. Also, I need to toughen up my forearms because they are very bruised from last night!!!
I will keep looking for jobs. There is a sweet older gentleman I see at swing dances and he’s been encouraging me to look for govt jobs and being very supportive. There’s a flaky guy at swing dances that may or may not be interested in me, but i’m awkward.
Kids are with dad this week, so no update on them. Except son #2 did find out that his school saxophone is a beuscher top-hat-and-cane model from the 50’s, and he keeps opening the instrument case and sighing over it. Boys are funny.
My basement is dry but mildewy stinky.
edited to add: and my rent went up by $200 a month, crap. Now it’s an entire support check AND most of a paycheck. I’m mad for not noticing that when I re-signed the lease (it was a one year discount, apparently). grrr.
FALLEN LONDON thread!
Spoilers for July’s Exceptional Story since July is over now!
I smashed July’s mirror and am experiencing regrets. I *wanted* that future I saw where I was a badass. >:( But also everything to do with Parabola is just so creepy and ugh, I couldn’t deal with knowing there would be some memory-lady sitting there having nothing to fill her time except stewing in hate for me because I didn’t do the thing she asked.
Anyway, I have had a Mood opportunity card sitting in my hand for two weeks now and I can’t figure out anything useful to do with it, but it’s too precious to waste, and arrrrgh.
I am on the verge of setting up a salon. Also just been puttering about doing random things.
I’m still pondering my Mood too! I found a forum on this http://community.failbettergames.com/topic7510-a-…
I kinda want a tiara but I feel I should be saving for a goat. But a tiara would look so sparkly and regal!
Get both, make goat wear tiara. PROBLEM SOLVED
A goat would look MAJESTIC in a tiara β problem solved indeed. Thank you!
I need to get two portfolios of souls, and then head back to the Iron Republic. So I’m kind of grinding at shadowy and robbing the Brass Embassy.
I’ve been bored with it a bit lately but am trying to get back in. Maybe I should do the Jack of Smiles storyline?
I’ve just done the Jack of Smiles storyline and enjoyed it a lot! I recommend it! There are a couple of tedious parts but on the whole it’s an interesting story with good light-horror writing and some fairly meaty choices for you to make.
I smashed her mirror too but had no regrets, the Anarchists are as messed up as the Parabolans. That was a really wonderful story, the best so far.
Emerged from Flute Street recently and was stabbed approximately one bazillion times, a few times by strangers. It’s….nice to be missed?
Ugh I sold her out to the masters and I regret it. I THOUGHT I WOULD GET A NICE REWARD. But no. I want to support the revolutionary’s cause but I have not liked the things I’ve heard about them.
I want to sell the location of the cave of nadir. Should I sell it for a bit of m_’s blood or the location of a one-time prince of hell?
This seems like as good a place as any to ask: how do you embed images (just photos, not GIFs) into comments?
You have to upload it somewhere else. I like imgur because they give you the code you need to paste in the comment, so you don’t actually have to know HTML.
Here you go!
“How to Embed Pictures in Comments”
http://hooniverse.com/image-embed/
They have to be online somewhere – if you use something like photobucket there is a handy link directly to embed them. So this link is to the actual page – the ‘share link’ option that says html is what you copy/paste. (I am presuming you still see those links if you’re not logged in as me!)
http://s87.photobucket.com/user/Lebatihem/media/2…
If they’re not somewhere with a handy link, then you need to get the direct address of the image and post it as {img src=”URLHERE.jpg” {/img} with the { } replaced by < >
It worked! Thanks everyone!
Toastfolk! Is anyone on Polyvore? I think in my post-graduation-pre-job daze, I’ve become obsessed with it. I can’t stop making magical girl inspired outfits! Its so fun! (I’m lady-bane there as well).
Speaking of jobs, I’m still trying to find one. I applied to a lot of AmeriCorps stuff and got responses, but on second thought, I don’t think those programs will give me the geology experience I need. I went to a job fair yesterday but it was very small and I only got to talk with the Bureau of Land Management. I’ve applied to so many things on USAJobs, but no one has contacted me yet. I’m super frustrated! I want to get a job so I can earn money and buy those cute clothes on Polyvore I’ve been looking at. Any job-hunting Toasties in the same boat?
Having worked in the government sector, I can tell you it takes foreeeeeeeever to hear back about any government job, and even longer to actually get all the paperwork to go through. That’s totally normal.
If you need money desperately in the short-term, I would try to find something else on a temporary basis while you keep applying for federal jobs.
That’s probably what I’m going to end up doing. Maybe I’ll see if the local JoAnns has any positions…
(edit: I should note that money luckily isn’t an issue, my parents are letting me live back at home. I just don’t want to sit around the house all day and goof off on Polyvore.)
USAJobs responses can take forever! I was in this boat last year around this time, it’s not fun. I’m sure that you’ll find something great soon, I’ll send good job hunting vibes your way! Even if they don’t give you quite the experience you’re looking for, could the AmeriCorps jobs maybe fill the gap between unemployment and your dream job?
The problem with AmeriCorps stuff is that a lot of it involves doing physical work and I am a weakling. I didn’t realize this until they actually got back to me with more info on the positions…
getgeologyjobs.com helped me SO MUCH. Good luck!!
Thanks! I’ll check it out!
wait what is polyvore just a thing you can go on where you make up outfits? This is amazing!
Yup! Its very fun but it also steals all your time.
I love staycations. I stay home, don’t talk to anyone, read from dawn (okay, 10-ish) to unconscious, cook a little, order in a lot, and am Sat Upon By Cats. And I do not have to do this:
I live in LA and went to Vermont to visit my mom and attend a memorial for my great aunt last week. The nearest airport to my mom is Albany, NY, and there are no direct flights from LA to Albany. Flights invariably entail a long flight from LA to someplace on the East Coast and then a short hop to my final destination, which generally takes just about as long as it takes my mom to drive to Albany to meet me.
LAX to Albany: a red-eye, with a change in Philadelphia. I swear to god, when we landed, I set my watch to the time announced by the steward on the plane. I got off and it seemed that I had about 2 hours of layover, so I could have a relaxing breakfast and get on the plane in fine time. So I had breakfast, and I wandered to the gate, where people were getting on a plane that I assumed was the previous flight from that gate, and I sat down, and I read, and I read, and I finally looked at my watch and it was about 15 minutes past the time when my flight should be boarding. So I looked up at the tv screen in the gate area and it said that it was not 9:35, as my watch said, but 10:35. And I went up the the attendant and asked what had happened to my flight? And it was the one that was boarding when I arrived. And the next flight to Albany wasn’t until 2. So I had to get reticketed and then call my mom, who was by that time about 15 minutes from the airport, and tell her that I wouldn’t be in until 3:30. Which meant that she turned around, drove home, let the dog out for a pee, and then turned around and drove back to pick me up.
Mom lives in southwestern Vermont; the memorial was in southeastern Vermont. We started driving over, and about halfway, a bridge was closed, and we embarked on a detour that, I swear to god, seemed like it was going to take us across the state via Montreal. So we were half an hour late for the memorial, with my mom angsting all the way, and my aunt, uncle, and cousin from New York in the car behind us periodically calling (when there was cell phone service) to ask where the hell we were and how long was it going to take.
The flight back, Albany-LAX via Dulles Airport in DC, again a red-eye: I get to the Albany airport in good time, we all board the plane, the place taxis out to the runway. We are literally on the verge of taking off when suddenly the pilot announces that Dulles is closed because of thunderstorms and we have to go back to the airport and deplane. The guy at the gate says that a) since this is weather, United will not pay for a hotel if we’re stuck, and b) if all goes as expected, I will make my connection and should go to DC. So, although hotels in DC are at least twice as expensive as motels in Albany, I get on the plane. In DC, as we taxi to the gate, my online boarding pass says the plane has already left. The United rep at the gate says no, no, the plane is still there, I can make the connection! I race across the airport–pretty much from one end to the other of a very large airport–and as you might expect, the boarding pass was correct–I had missed the flight. I am instructed to go to a customer service desk all the way at another end of the airport. There is a huge line, with only one rep at the desk. It is clear that there are no flights, no hotels, and basically, as far as United is concerned, they wish we would all just go away and leave them alone. I am completely braindead by this point (11-ish pm) and I complain on Facebook and fortunately, my incredibly competent sister-in-law sees the post and gets me what was probably one of the last available hotel rooms in the area for the night. But my rescheduled flight isn’t until 3 pm the next day.
I am assured by at least two people that there were, in fact, no thunderstorms in DC that night.
So, there are two morals here:
Only take a red-eye if it’s a nonstop trip.
STAYCATION.
I’m sorry this happened. I spent an unexpected night in Detroit last week when my flight was late and I missed the connection, and it was only by the efforts of a very sweet friend on Facebook that I got a hotel room that night – the airline surely was not going to put in any effort. I’m glad you made it home safe and sound!
Seriously, where would we be without Facebook rescuers? (Well, I know where I would have been: in the Manner of My People, I would have been sitting in the airport all night and the next day, giving the stinkeye to everyone who passed before me. Like fasting against someone who had done you wrong, in medieval Irish culture. You sat at their doorstep and publicly starved yourself to death. Hunger strikes did not pop up out of nowhere with the IRA.) Anyway, glad you got rescued, too!
Hi Toasties (and Loren!!)!!!!!!!! HOW IS EVERYONE? The Beach Boys are on my playlist at the moment – what’s making you feel good/bad/meh?
I discovered that there’s a new Florence and the Machine album that I did not know about! So that’s exciting.
How are you doing?? How’s it going with your folks?
Fuckboys of the week, in order:
1) Smug guy on the bus with the ‘I may be wrong…but I doubt it’ tshirt, with a picture of an atom vector on it
2) Group of lads, also on the bus, who were loudly talking about this girl they all pretended to be friends with, but in fact, disdained because she was not attractive but had the gall to think she was. (aka group of pricks)
3) At a party at my friend E’s house, went to his bedroom to see his paintings. Came back down. Prize fuckboy of the week, “Where were you?” “We were upstairs, E was showing me his art.” PFotW: “Wahey!” *proceeds to high-five E.*
Like.
I’ve never met this Othering asshole before, here’s some notes 1) neither I nor my male friend are straight 2) Even if we were both straight, wtf is with this heterosexist narrative of Oh, a MALE and a FEMALE spent time together, well done on the conquest male man! Sex!
Ugh
Let’s add to the list the douchecanoe hanging out on a stoop two doors down when I took out the recycling a few nights ago and favored me with a “MMMMM, mami, looking good.” I scoffed and told him “fuck no” but he persisted with “You still look good.” AND I STILL DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT SIR.
OH AND ALSO Review is back! And I almost cried laughing at least twice last night. Please tell me other people here are watching it. The AV Club had a wonderful Review review that I really enjoyed, because I never ever once stopped to think about Forrest’s overall mental state, or what his motivation might be for doing a show like this.
THAT’S ME
I wrote that review of Review! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
I was thrilled the editors decided to cover S2, and I cackled with glee when I landed the weekly coverage. When we (privately) ranked our favorite series of 2014, Review was one of four shows I gave a perfect score, and I literally shivered with delight that I get to review it every week.
: )
I knew it was you – I remembered you from that Broad City review I loved! – but I didn’t want to call you out by name in case it made you uncomfortable. You really made me think! I don’t think about Forrest beyond “he makes me laugh so I like him” so I really enjoyed your take. He got shot three times! AND THEN GAVE IT 2 & 1/2 STARS!! I am tearing up just thinking about it.
Between this week and next week, THREE of my favorite shows from last year are starting – Rick and Morty, Review, and Playing House in a few days. I AM VERY EXCITED.
p.s. I promise I’m not stalking you, you just happen to review some of my favorite shows – including Comedy Bang! Bang!, which just showed up in my RSS. I am off to read!
Alison Tolman! Loved her in Fargo thought she was great here. Can’t wait for the rest of the season. Andy Daly is the best.
I have a conundrum which is probably only solvable by me, but I thought I would ask for some insight.
My sister-in-law (to be – my brother is getting married next year)’s mom died this week. It’s incredibly sad, and I’m so sad for her. I love my SILTB, a lot, and it’s really important to me that she gets as much support as possible right now, and also that she feels like our family is supportive and safe space for her.
The memorial service is in far-away city next weekend. My mom is going. I have plenty of airmiles to fly, but it will put me behind in saving up for our honeymoon flights (which is not really the point at all – who cares it’s just money).
The real problem: next weekend is the wedding of my own betrothed’s best friend, at which my bethrothed is the best man. We are a close-knit group, and it would definitely hurt their feelings if I didn’t go. I also want to go.
I’m having trouble unraveling it all. Any wise thoughts?
Is there any other way you feel you can show your support? Does she live where you do? A visit some other time, a letter, sending her flowers or food, maybe some kind of personal or handmade keepsake to send with your mom to show you are thinking of her closely?
I obviously don’t know your sister-in-law-to-be. However, personally, I’d be touched if someone like you in my life made any genuine gesture. I wouldn’t be bothered that she had another important emotional obligation. Have you talked to your brother? Maybe he can help communicate your feelings, or work out what might be a good thing to do?
Thank you for your kind suggestions! They really are helpful.
Different people feel different ways about this kind of situation, but I think most people I know would understand that you’re honoring the commitment you made to your dear friends (especially when your partner is a member of the wedding), that your desire to support all the people you love is sometimes pulled in two directions through no one’s fault, and that financial or other practical constraints still apply, even in grievous times.
gloriana232’s suggestions for showing your support are good ones. A letter, a call over the weekend of the wedding (if you have that kind of relationship with her, and depending on her situation; when my father died, I was so inundated with phone calls arranging details that I dreaded the sound of the phone); arranging a meal to be sent to the house or picked up; flowers or books or something that would comfort her β all those things are good ways to reach out when you can’t be there.
If I may suggest: The people I remember most fondly from my own stretches of grief aren’t necessarily the ones who showed up to the funeral, though that can be important. I’m endlessly grateful for people who quietly checked in with me weeks and months later.
Thanks for your suggestions too!
Yes, you’re so right about long-term follow up.
Also about the phone – I’m trying to only text from time to time with texts that require no response at all. Sometimes just hearts. I know she is overwhelmed with many details, completely aside from the all-consuming loss.
I phoned my brother about my conundrum, who is with her in far-way northern town right now, and he was like “I will ask her what you should do!” and I was like “you will do no such thing, dear brother, that is 100% not something she should have to think about for one second”.
There are going to be so many people there that weekend. She will be well taken care of. Things get trickier a while after, when you’re still grieving but everyone else has sort of moved on. Finding a way to connect with her in a few weeks would be a meaningful method of support.
Thanks for your thoughts. And I think you’re right.
Does she live in your city, or in the far-away city? Can you have something for her for when she gets home, like have the house cleaned while she’s gone, or a basket of food, or a gift card for take out (or a gift card for housecleaning, if doing while she’s gone is overstepping boundaries?)?
Lots of good advice in here! Speaking from experience, getting ongoing support and love in the weeks and months after a loved one dies is very important. You will be able to be there for her long after the memorial has passed.
Also, it’s great that your Mom is going to the memorial service, and perhaps you could ask her to give SILTB a hug on that day and say, “That’s from robotneeds love, who loves you and is thinking about you.”
Good thing this is so deep in the thread, because I am going to vent:
– depression is hitting me almost impossibly hard right now, despite therapy and meds
– my abusive family is in town and I am required to hang out with them CONSTANTLY when i’m not working
– which is seldom because my job is so stressful
– friends are all dealing with their own stuff so I can’t ask them for support
– my best friend is unemployed and spiraling into a deeper depression of her own that I feel powerless to stop
– next week I’m going to log a lot of hours in a nursing home visiting my relatives (the relevant party has been sick for a long time)
The world seems relentless right now. Just got to put my head down and get through it I guess.
unless they are at your house (and I hope they aren’t) there is NO requirement that you hang out with them! They don’t even have to know when you aren’t at work! Take a day and pretend they are gone, treat yourself to a nice lunch/coffee/bookstore visit, whatever fills you up. Turn off your phone if that’s how they are reaching you. There is no requirement to be civil, even, to toxic family members. You don’t have to acknowledge they exist.
That sounds really hard. Make sure to take care of yourself: drink plenty of water, get plenty of sleep, lie and tell your horrible relatives that you have a migraine, so sorry you can’t hang out with them, you have a really important pressing engagement with Netflix and a comfy pillow.
Would it be helpful for you and your friends/best friend just to get together to commiserate about how everything is terrible? When I’ve been depressed, sometimes the best thing was to hang out with people who have been/are depressed and just be like, “man, everything really is just awful, isn’t it?” rather than with people who are going to try to cheer you up, like, if you could “cheer up,” you wouldn’t be depressed, that’s the whole point of depression.
It sucks when everything bad all comes together at once, doesn’t it? The worst. Be kind to yourself and do call in sick on your family stuff when you can’t face it. (Can you call in sick at work, too? Mental health days are valid! Even pre-emptive ones, taking a day off so that you won’t burn out later in the week.)
We’re always around to chat if you need it. I (and so many others) are listed in the Toast Connections spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_26MiL9WN…
You know this, but a reminder: Depression lies. You are NOT required to hang out with abusive people. Tell them what they want to hear, then just don’t show up. Don’t answer your phone. Don’t answer the doorbell. Take care of yourself.
More depression lies: Your friends are certainly dealing with their own stuff, but you CAN ask them for help. Good friends *want* you to ask, no matter what’s going on for them. It’s on them to decide how/when to say no. Send a text something like: “I’m struggling with depression. I know you have troubles too. I need help. Please call me if you can.”
Yes, you are powerless to stop your best friend’s depression. But you can send them a text that says you’re thinking of them. Then type another the next day, with a reminder that no response is expected. And another the next day. You know the drill.
Yes, the world is relentless. It’s too much sometimes. I’m glad you’re venting here and very sorry you’re hit so hard right now. Stick with the therapy and meds. Things would be even worse without them.
Another reminder: none of how you feel is your fault. Depression sucks and you don’t deserve it. I’ve been where you are and likely will be again. How can I help you?
Toasts! I recently acquired an old bicycle that’s fallen into disrepair for v cheap. The back wheel has come off and the chain is therefore askew, but I don’t think anything’s actually broken, so I’m going to turn to google and borrow some tools from a friend and try to fix it myself. I’m not very mechanically savvy, but I’m actually excited to have a bit of a project and to learn a new thing!
You will do fine! My brother does bicycle repair workshops, and helped me with on-and-offing wheels and other various bike stuff, it is completely do-able! If you get really stuck and have a local bike shop really feel free to take it there, it is usually a very small price and then Much Better Bike. Have fun with your new bike!
Your LBS or maybe even your library may have some books on bike repair as well — check out the Park Tools book for a good intro guide. Your LBS may also offer the Park Tools School, which teaches basic bike repair and usually runs around $100 or so. Have fun!
Hey, I asked about psychological thriller Kindle books a couple weeks back and got a ton of suggestions. I’m in the middle of reading but I wanted to say thank you!
Jennifer McMahon–I read all three of her books over the weekend and they were all great. I love how the reader will think “seems like it’s leading up to this specific scary scenario, better brace myself,” and then immediately the protagonist predicts the exact same thing, and then the reader is like “oh no it’s gonna be even scarier??” and it IS.
Tana French–I actually have read In the Woods before, although I can’t remember when. I do remember the main character referred to his female cop partner with childlike descriptors like 82 times before I stopped counting mid-book. And that he listens to her butt-dial for like an hour or something after they aren’t friends anymore. So he was weird.
Real World–I loved the thing about things that cannot be taken back?? I did think it had too many boys it, although it only had one boy in it. I was Team Girl Who Didn’t Care About Boy. Also I love when kids just talk about expectations put on them by society. Also I love Japanese cops because they are never assholes apparently, in any media.
Fingersmith–Just started and already I underestimated how gay it is, despite the title.
Luckiest Girl Alive–kinda meh on the kindle preview but people sure did recommend it so I may buy it next.
I was one of the people who recommended Luckiest Girl Alive. I listened to the audiobook (from my library) mostly while gardening so I think that could lead to a different experience. I do remember thinking the main character was really annoying at the beginning.
I just–the finger smith is so gay you guys. It’s so gay. It better have a happy ending. I want to be a rich innocent girl’s maid and kiss her. And fingerblast her.
Ha hahahahah ha ha. Let me know when you finish, one of my favorite books!
Posting a separate job-advice comment:
I need more work. There is a company that specializes in ground penetrating radar (one of my skills) literally two towns over, I pass it on my way to work (the town, not the business itself). I want to march into their office and say ,”Hi, I’m a recent graduate in geography and I know how to use GPR. May I drop off a resume? Call me if you need extra field techs”. How do I do that in any sort of a professional manner?
(And GPR companies are pretty rare, like only 3 in our state).
I think that sounds just fine! “Hi! I pass your office every day, and couldn’t help wondering if you were hiring. Here’s my resume and please feel free to give me a call!”
I mean, that sounds ok to me. But I bet it would be more effective to check their website (if they have one) and figure out who is in charge, and deal with them directly (by phone or email), because I wouldn’t necessarily trust a receptionist to pass along the information in a useful way.
here is their website: http://www.geosearches.com/contact-geosearches.ph…
I assume I’d be calling the “Cleveland” office (it’s really a suburb 40 minutes away)
It’s pretty non-helpful.
I think you’re better off writing a compelling cover letter to go with your resume, doing some linked in sleuthing and sending to the correct person at the company.
We occasionally get well-meaning people “just dropping by” with their resume and it is not appreciated by anyone in our office.
Do you have any acquaintances who know folks at that office? I work in a similarly niche field and I’m guessing GPR might be the same- lots of people know each other and getting a personal introduction is so so much better than a cold call.
Toasties, it seems like one of us would be perfect for this job: http://www.womensfoundca.org/digital-communicatio…
Hopefully people are still around because I have a HOT STAYCATION TIP for those with partners or BFFs. My own partner and I call it “better than birthday.”
Two people each plan a day for the other. Take a day off of work for this, we like a Wednesday off. For his better than birthday, I researched and bought him a new video game (he likes puzzle games so this was fun and not too expensive), made him breakfast, then we went out for burgers at a place that specialized in whiskey and went to see Mad Max, and then came home to a dessert buffet. For my better than birthday, we walked to the coffee shop, had croissants, I opened a goodie bag with a bunch of stuff in it, got a couples massage, went out for tapas, and then watched Magic Mike XXL.
It’s fucking glorious.
As usual I forget about the cocktail hour until many hours past! Wevs! I still read through it, maybe someone else will be interested.
I started a new job this week and it is so, so, much better than old job. I am so very excited. And overwhelmed. But excited. One of my new colleagues said “I can do [that project]. I’m free that evening. Although I’d rather go out. But I have no friends. I.. I would like to have friends.” And the other staff all go “we’ll all go out together! yay!” which makes me sad I will only be at this particular office on rare occasion. I can be friends too!
Roller derby bootcamp starts TOMORROW. SO EXCITED. And there is also a bout several hours later, which I will also try to attend now that I know where and when they are.
I am probably way too late to get any response to this, but my high hopes are feeling dashed π
I recently learned that the house I used to live in an really like would be going on the market soon. I’ve had a real estate agent bugging the owner’s real estate agent about my interest in it for a couple of weeks before they were ready to put it on the market. Today, they finally opened it up for us to visit and have plans for it to go on market tomorrow or sometime next week. And…it sounds like they’re aiming to list it at $15,000 over the price I had in mind (I was basing expectations on Zillow, my agent says that based on recent sales in the area their price is in a reasonable range, if maybe a bit high) and they took down several things we’d added to the backyard that, for me at least, added a lot of value. Namely, a nice big firepit my roommate built, a garden, and some compost pits. The change in the backyard drops down the value in my head more than it does in any objective what-these-things-were-worth sense and, combined with the higher cost, has thrust me from I-really-really-fucking-want-this-house mode to not really knowing what I want.
Should I cough up the extra and buy the house and just deal with the knowledge that I’ll have to rebuild all that stuff later at a totally unnecessary cost that I’ll resent the whole time? I do live in a city where real estate value is exploding and has been for a while and will likely continue to for a while. Do I say fuck it and keep renting, even though everyone and their dog says now is the time to buy here?
It does seem very strange that they would take down a fire pit and a garden!
Anyway, I don’t know how to answer the question — it’s a super tough decision and you’ll probably wind up second-guessing yourself either way (or maybe that’s just me). Do you plan to stay in that city long-term? Would owning vs renting change your plan to stay in that city?
I definitely plan to stay in the city long term and if I bought this house, would aim to live there long term. I hate moving. I wouldn’t be buying it as some investment to flip in a few years, but a home to live in for the long haul.
Sounds a lot like you don’t want the house now, but you were pretty excited from wanting it before so your brain’s still stuck in the “EXCITE OVER HOUSE” mode while your heart is trying to steer the ship before it hits the iceberg.
I guess you’re the titanic and your old house is the iceberg in this analogy.
Don’t listen to me, though. I straddle the line between Gen X and Millenial, so I’m deeply distrustful of real estate, very biased. The last time I owned a home, I lost $2k when I sold it, and then the water main broke THE NEXT DAY and I had to get it fixed. I fucking love renting.
Yeah, I used to be that way, but the rents here are going up way fast and homeownership seems the best way to continue to afford living in this town. But I still hadn’t thought about buying until a house I already knew I liked hit the market.
Did you like the other things about the house- location, size, proportions of space, light, access to other stuff, parking and/ or transit that won’t drive you insane, etc? If you liked all the things about it that still exist plus what you had added to it, then it’s probably still a good fit. On the other hand, if you like what you had built out of it when you lived there- well, you can put in fire pits, gardens and compost pits in lots of houses, and it’s possible there’s another one out there that’s a better budget fit.
I do. I like the trees in the neighborhood (relevant because there are lots of housing developments going up in the area without), the park nearby, and, most importantly, the covered patio in the backyard (bit selling point for me!). I don’t give a flip about the fancy new wood floors, hip-looking light fixtures, and fans with remotes they put in to try to make the place more likely to sell, but I guess that’s the kind of thing other buyers like?
Do not buy unless you are truly, truly certain that you want any house. Homeownership is levelling up in adult, and I was/am totally unprepared for it, with the result that the house that I really do adore often feels more like a goddamned albatross than an asset. In fact, I was calling it “the albatross” during the dark times. Be wary, is all I’m saying.
Is this the only house that you really want/is a possibility? If everything else is still really fantastic I’d say still go for it, the resentment of having to re-do will fade once it is re-done and then you have your favorite place again. On the other hand, if it is between that house and some other really good possibilities, I would maybe make this the time to really evaluate if it was something else (nostalgia, familiarity, that one paint color was really nice) that was attaching you to this house over another. Maybe. Perhaps.
And different places can change whether renting or buying is really appropriate/feasible/etc. For myself I detest renting at 2-5x (literally, the mortgage on a condo for the exact same area, same specifications, amenities etc. goes for 1/5th the average rent) the cost, but if I drove 20 miles in another direction it would probably be worth renting because the real estate is much worse. Don’t just go by the general ‘oh it is such a great time to buy’ just because as a national average it might be true.
What kind of lunatic gets rid of a fire pit and compost?
I must say I’m pretty okay at staycations! I once used my five-day annual leave for a staycation instead and it was the best. Wandered around, watched movies in the daytime, went to parks and libraries, binged on the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
I’M MAD ABOUT PARENTS
I tried using the Pythagorean theorem in an RPG in a situation where the character was moving up a slope to determine how far he could move. The GM, who was incredibly intolerant of people who didn't know every little last rule, rejected it because it involved math.
About all I ever really get done on staycations is to level characters up in videogames.
I have the exact same relationship with SGA, and I hope you've read Speranza's stuff (esp Written By The Victors)!! I also harbour a perpetual fondness for Synecdochic's Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose.
This concludes the "unsolicited fic recs" portion of my evening; I'm going to go look up chrysothemis!