I’m not saying that life in the ancient world was easy, but I am saying that I could have probably invented the fulcrum, if someone hadn’t beaten me to it by several thousand years. Ancient Ionians and Egyptians and Persians and Medes and whatnot got to invent all the obvious things; all that remains to this degenerate generation is Apps and new things to put truffle oil in.

“I think we should measure shapes.”

congratulations, you are the father of geometry 

“What if we all pissed in a specific area that wasn’t inside the house?”

ahh, you have solved the age-old problem of civilization and will be praised forever

“I can lift this if you bring me a stick.”

the elegance of one of the six simple machines! you are an immortal god of math!

“If somebody writes down that you shouldn’t murder anybody, maybe it would be easier for people to remember that.”

Hammurabi, you have brought justice from the heavens to the peoples of Earth

“Let’s argue in a specific time and place, instead of literally all the time.”

YOU HAVE CREATED RHETORIC AND THE ART OF THE DEBATE

“Let’s put these stairs in a circle.”

oh shit you just invented architecture, your name will be remembered for centuries

“I have noticed in the process of cutting into people that their veins produce blood rather than air”

your theory of medicine will be slavishly adhered to for the next millenium 

“Pushing it downhill would be easier, I think.”

the ramp! the wedge! the inclined plane! Master, you have given birth to them all

“fire is hot and sometimes men get angry, water is wet and sometimes people get depressed”

I will devote the rest of my life to your theory of the elements and let them govern every aspect of my existence