Reasons I Would Make An Excellent Member Of The Wild Hunt And You Should Consider Me For The Position -The Toast

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1. I know the Kitty Genovese story wasn’t exactly as egregious as it’s become in our popular imagination, but Lord love me, I’m a follower, and there are few things I love more than the diminished moral culpability that comes with being part of a big crowd. Sorry we ruined your crops and trampled your comeliest sons!!!! Wild Hunt, sorry, gotta keep moving, sorry byyyyyyyye!

2. I love telling people bad news. Not like, Bad news, but bad news, like, “You guys are not going to believe this” bad news, so the idea of presaging disaster would fit just exactly right upwards of my alley.

3. I would happily ride a horse into Hell behind any of the following: “the leader of the hunt is often a named figure associated with Woden (or other reflections of the same god, such as Alemannic Wuodan in Wuotis Heer (“Wuodan’s Army”) of Central Switzerland, Swabia etc.), but may variously be a historical or legendary figure like Theodoric the Great, the Danish king Valdemar Atterdag, the Welsh psychopomp Gwyn ap Nudd, biblical figures such as Herod, Cain, Gabriel or the Devil, or an unidentified lost soul or spirit, either male or female.”

4. I am a reasonably competent horsewoman and have an excellent seat. I can ride both Western and the useless way.

5. In high school I was friends with a lot of dudes who were pretty into metal, so I know a lot of Germanic hell-deities. The other type of person I was friends with took German language courses (as well as a lot of AP prep work in general) so I can also make words sound German, if necessary. I could yell German-ish yells while winding a horn, is what i’m getting at.

6. I spent a lot of time in college in groups that would self-consciously sing things like “Show Me The Way To Go Home” really loudly while we were heading home from a bar, especially if we were in a town with cobblestoned streets, so I think I could fit the qualification “Noisy Riders” pretty neatly.

7. Jacob Grimm once wrote “Look where you will, it betrays its connexion with heathenism” of the Wild Hunt but also of me.

8. At several points during my early twenties, I received a lot of noise complaints from neighbors in my apartment buildings.

9. I really enjoyed The Dark Is Rising series by Susan B. Cooper as a kid, which I feel like has prepared me for all the Welsh folklore (I think it was Welsh) I’d need to know.

10. If it weren’t so affected and self-consciously goth-y, I’d probably wear a cloak all the time in my personal life.

11. I have a general and vague misunderstanding of pagan ritual in pre-Christian Europe.

12. I often get bored and restless in midwinter, and get along great with dogs.

13. I very much enjoy the idea of experiencing battle frenzy without ever having to go into actual battle.

14. I enjoy giving people rides.

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