Bible Verses Where The Word “Wicked” Has Been Replaced With “Problematic” -The Toast

Bible Verses Where The Word “Wicked” Has Been Replaced With “Problematic”

ByDaniel Mallory Ortberg

on August 24, 2015 in Bible Verses

Genesis 13:12-13

Abram dwelt in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelt in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent even as far as Sodom. But the men of Sodom were exceedingly problematic and sinful against the Lord.

Genesis 18:23

And Abraham came near and said, “Would You also destroy the bitchin‘ with the problematic?”

Exodus 9:27

And Pharaoh sent and called for Moses and Aaron, and said to them, “I have sinned this time. The Lord is righteous, and my people and I are problematic.”

Leviticus 18:17

You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, nor shall you take her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter, to uncover her nakedness. They are near of kin to her. It is problematic.

Leviticus 20:14

If a man marries a woman and her mother, it is problematic. They shall be burned with fire, both he and they.

Numbers 16:26

And he spoke to the congregation, saying, “Depart now from the tents of these problematic men! Touch nothing of theirs, lest you be consumed in all their sins.”

1 Samuel 2:12

Now the sons of Eli were problematic; they did not know the Lord.

1 Kings 21:25

But there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do that which is problematic in the sight of the Lord, because Jezebel his wife stirred him up.

2 Chronicles 7:14

If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their problematic ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Job 34:18

Is it fitting to say to a king, ‘You are worthless,’ And to nobles, ‘You are problematic’?

Psalm 17:13

Arise, O Lord,
Confront him, cast him down;
Deliver my life from the problematic with Your sword

Psalm 37:7

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings problematic schemes to pass.

Psalm 73:3

For I was envious of the boastful, When I saw the prosperity of the problematic.

Psalm 101:3

I will set nothing problematic before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not cling to me.

Proverbs 29:27

An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous, And he who is upright in the way is an abomination to the problematic.

Habakkuk 3:13

You went forth for the salvation of Your people, For salvation with Your Anointed. You struck the head from the house of the problematic, By laying bare from foundation to neck. Selah.

Matthew 22:18

But Jesus perceived they were problematic, and said, “Why do you test Me, you hypocrites?”

1 John 5:19

We know that we are of God, and the whole world lies under the sway of the problematic one.

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

Comments (29)

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+123 Vote up Vote down

alliana07 128p · 500 weeks ago

"But Jesus perceived they were problematic, and said, “Why do you test Me, you hypocrites?"

Jesus on tumblr tbh.

1 reply · active 500 weeks ago

+9 Vote up Vote down

redheadedwolf 115p · 500 weeks ago

I love picturing Jesus in front of a computer, wearing hipster glasses, muttering that under his breath.

+80 Vote up Vote down

gavinbyrnes 143p · 500 weeks ago

Well there's no doubt that Jezebel does in fact stir up some people to be problematic.

+78 Vote up Vote down

ppyajunebug 137p · 500 weeks ago

I will set nothing problematic before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not cling to me.

Tumblr's new motto

3 replies · active 500 weeks ago

+3 Vote up Vote down

celery · 500 weeks ago

That is exactly what I was going to post.

+14 Vote up Vote down

#tooreal · 500 weeks ago

Trigger warning: problematic content.

+11 Vote up Vote down

hussified 119p · 500 weeks ago

Really it's the motto of the procrastinator as well.

+22 Vote up Vote down

catweazlol 142p · 500 weeks ago

"Arise, O Lord,
Confront him, cast him down;
Deliver my life from the problematic with Your sword"

My new nightly prayer.

1 reply · active 500 weeks ago

+6 Vote up Vote down

janekathy1 97p · 500 weeks ago

Coming down here to say this. Except that it would be, like, my first ever prayer.

It's THAT GOOD.

+26 Vote up Vote down

MsNormaDesmond 119p · 500 weeks ago

Another day, another post where it seems inconceivable that Mallory didn't go to Smith.

+34 Vote up Vote down

RuncibleSpoon 107p · 500 weeks ago

would gladly read and own a bible with all of these adjustments

the problematic plots against the bitchin', and gnashes at him with his teeth.

2 replies · active 500 weeks ago

+3 Vote up Vote down

hussified 119p · 500 weeks ago

I was just coming here to comment on that.

+56 Vote up Vote down

evieskye 118p · 500 weeks ago

New International Ortberg
Queen Mallory Version

+14 Vote up Vote down

bethanykj · 500 weeks ago

Thing that arrived in my mind immediately on seeing the headline (thanks Christian education):
Psalm 1:4: not so the problematic! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.

+42 Vote up Vote down

safvn 121p · 500 weeks ago

I really like the idea of Mallory slowly rewriting the Bible, replacing one word with another word at a time.

+60 Vote up Vote down

grumblyqueer 139p · 500 weeks ago

Leviticus 11
And the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron, saying: Say to the children of Israel

+17 Vote up Vote down

mialro12 83p · 500 weeks ago

For He causeth the rain to fall upon the bitchin' and the problematic...

+23 Vote up Vote down

Frumiosa 141p · 500 weeks ago

TL;DR: God is bitchin', false gods are problematic.

+9 Vote up Vote down

littleinfinity 108p · 500 weeks ago

This is possibly the best one of these so far.

+26 Vote up Vote down

theharpoon 112p · 500 weeks ago

when is somebody going to make me an app that replaces all instances of the word 'problematic' on the internet with the word 'shitty' instead

+34 Vote up Vote down

alula_auburn 106p · 500 weeks ago

Some of Leviticus sounds a lot more reasonable with "problematic." I mean, it probably WOULD be kind of problematic to sleep with a mother and her daughter, or at least potentially lead to some awkward Thanksgiving dinners.

Also, now picturing the Apostles having a "how to be a fan of problematic things" debate.

+10 Vote up Vote down

Merripat 115p · 500 weeks ago

"these problematic men" YES

+19 Vote up Vote down

Jill T · 500 weeks ago

"Deliver my life from the problematic with Your sword" is going to be my private battle cry.

I spend much of my working life in The Land of the Euphemism, writing e-mails that say "I am concerned..." when I'm thinking "this person has been an a$$hole" and "It would be helpful if you would..." when I mean "here's how to avoid being an a$$hole next time." It's like using a kind of Enigma machine that automatically swaps out my Inside Words for something that won't get me fired.

2 replies · active 500 weeks ago

+9 Vote up Vote down

Abraxas · 500 weeks ago

Oh my gosh, do you also work in the legal field? That's like my life in email. It's a lot of:

I can understand, perhaps, where you are coming from, however I really think we should........
Which actually equals: "I have no idea where your head is on this issue, probably up your ass....."

+3 Vote up Vote down

Jill T · 500 weeks ago

I'm from the Government and I'm here to help.

+13 Vote up Vote down

queenofbithynia 137p · 500 weeks ago

"Lot dwelt in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent even as far as Sodom. "

oh my goodness

+5 Vote up Vote down

JGlows 120p · 500 weeks ago

Now the sons of Eli were problematic.

I don't know why but that one cracked me up.

+3 Vote up Vote down

shirleymaybanks 95p · 499 weeks ago

I just graduated from a liberal seminary, where we learned to call each others' ideas "problematic."

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