Toasties! Did you read that Washington Post article about fruit and vegetable allergies being connected to pollen allergies? This explains EVERYTHING. Hope your weeks are going well. The Bartender is annoyed that the rain means the U.S. Open will happen at 11am tomorrow instead of 7pm tonight because work. Feel free to talk about mild irritants and major happinesses. Open thread!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender is in
Perhaps I am jinxing it by saying this, but Toasties, it seems that the heat has finally broken here in New England. A couple 80 degree days still on the horizon, but no more of this 90 degree oppressiveness. And I say, GOOD RIDDANCE SUMMMER, you are the worst season.
So now it’s the time of year when a young Toastie’s fancy turns to thoughts of dank and bone-deep terror! Please give me your Spooktember and Eektober essential reading lists! Anything from capital-H Horror to true crime to “atmospheric” novels to bizarre nonfiction to eerie Wikipedia to internet short fiction.
yes yes yes I’m sitting in my office with the window open and it feels so good! SUCK IT SUMMER, get the hell out and bring me some sweet sweet Massachusetts fall.
Have you heard of Dionaea House? I found it delightfully creepy.
I hadn’t heard of it but I’m reading it now!
ETA: Aww, does it just end with the last Loreen LJ entry? Am I missing a link somewhere? Very creepy and good!
I think it does end there. I was disappointed at that, too. Glad you liked it!
You didn’t mention podcasts but I’ve recently had to take a break from The Black Tapes podcast because of the dreams.
Highly recommended!
Yeeeeesss today is wonderful! So chilly and rainy! And then it’s supposed to be in the 70s for the next week!
My go-to for Scary Spooky Stuff is Joe Hill’s writing. Especially the collection 20th Century Ghosts.
I’m excited to rewatch Cursed this year, especially in honor of Wes Cravens’ passing- although it is not scary, nor indeed a good movie at all. Jesse Eisenberg and Joshua Jackson play werewolves, Milo Ventimiglia plays a closeted high school bully, and Portia de Rossi has a cameo as a fortune teller. Cristina Ricci saves the day. It is baffling yet glorious.
This is a gimme, but: The Haunting of Hill House
The “Monsters News” issues of Mothers News: http://www.mothersnews.net/backissues/ (full disclosure: I’m in one of them) and from there you can get to the Bridgewater Triangle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridgewater_Triangl…
and of course Dogtown: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogtown,_Massachuse…
Wait is Mothers News based in Providence? How had I never heard of it before? It’s fantastic!
Summer broke here in Seattle a week or so ago (with a crazy windstorm to boot). Still some warm days but nights are much cooler and it’s getting dark again now.
Have you read The Good House by Tananarive Due? I thought that book was super creepy!
For true crime I’ve been reading Gitta Sereny’s books about Mary Bell.
Read M. R. James, and read him in bright daylight, and on trains, going about your normal business, and be amazed that something now so removed from our own time (unless you choose to live in the Victorian era, I guess) can still be so bone-chillingly terrifying.
I LOVE M R James. And for those in the UK, the readings are about to start up again. There will be more added I presume, I went to see him last December and they carried on until about March.
http://www.nunkie.co.uk/schedule.html
FFS I need to get back there.
YESSSSS
And you can listen to them, too! I <3 this Librivox reader. (He has a great ghost story voice):
https://librivox.org/ghost-stories-of-an-antiquar…
I love M R James! All his works are on Wikisource in the public domain, great reading during down time at work.
And if you’ve read and loved M. R. James and his ilk, read The Bone Key by Sarah Monette.
Seconded so hard: read Sarah Monette’s Kyle Murchison Booth short stories. Some of them are free online, referenced here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/TheNecromanticMysteriesOfKyleMurchisonBooth
It is now officially the perfect time for rereading/rewatching Something Wicked This Way Comes. (The movie has the benefit of young Jonathan Price, which, yum.) This time around I shall be keeping in mind the headcanon suggested on my WisCon panel that Mrs. Nightshade was a carnie in her youth and she and Mrs. Halloway are skulking about the town dealing with things even creepier than Mr. Dark.
For my money It is the scariest thing Stephen King ever wrote and I love it. It’s been ages since I’ve read it maybe I’ll reread it this year.
elmo rise.jpg
I am partial to Sarah Waters’ “The Little Stranger”
If you’re in a Victorian mood, I’d highly recommend:
– “Ghost Stories of an Antiquary” by M.R. James
– Collected ghost stories of E.F. Benson
– “Sleep No More” by L.T.C. Rolt (ghost stories centered around modes of transportation– trains, canals, etc.)
– “The Oxford Book of Victorian Ghost Stories” also has some great stuff in it.
Lately I’ve been a little obsessed with the nosleep forum on reddit– I know, I know, it’s reddit, but they have some great writers in there. Two of my favorites: https://wh.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/29z7j8/h… https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/2xzaem/…
The House of Special Purpose which is by the same guy that wrote The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, John Boyne. It is simultaneously incredibly uplifting and heartbreaking and terrifyingly real, which I’m not sure fits 100% with what you’re talking about, but it’s a very October book for me.
Also: Sarah Waters’ The Paying Guests, The Night Watch, or The Little Stranger.
I think this was on the toast a little while ago, but I have been enjoying the heck out of the SCP foundation storylets
http://www.scp-wiki.net/
Allergies, man. It’s all related.
Duran Duran is streaming their new album, released today. It’s not bad (certainly no Astronaut, though), but not as soul-crushingly disappointing as this year’s Muse offering.
I have just come out of a 2-hour webex at work doing emergenetics, which is just as creepy and intrusive as it sounds. It’s one of those endless thought process analysis thingies that is meant to tell you how you think and work. I did the entire 100-question survey without reading any of them and ticked the middle option and it came out saying I was a stubborn robot.
HELP ME MY BRAIN HAS MELTED AND IS RUNNING OUT OF MY EARS.
one of those endless thought process analysis thingies that is meant to tell you how you think and work
Exactly so.
but what is your enneagram number??
It’s ‘leave me alone to do my job and stop wasting my time making me take personality tests, the buzzfeed ones are more entertaining and probably just s useful’.
hmmm so you’re a nine then
Toasties, I am early but I have a Sad Thing to talk about, so I shall put it in the replies.
I’ve talked about my cat, Berry, being ill on previous OTs, but he is not doing well at all. We’ve decided to put him to sleep. He can barely walk and he has zero energy and he doesn’t seem to be getting any more pleasure out of life. My mom just made an appointment with the vet for tomorrow. Unless he makes a sudden radical improvement, I will lose my poor sweet gingerbread loaf tomorrow.
I’ve been crying on and off since yesterday afternoon, and I suspect my parents are doing the same. I’ve had this cat since I was six, so I really don’t have too many memories of living without him. It’s going to be a hard adjustment not having a cat (because I don’t think my parents want to get another one).
We have a lot of good memories of him though. Here’s one of my favorite pics of him from about a year ago, when he wasn’t sick:
I’ll miss this kitty.
What a handsome little sweetie. Fuck mortality. 🙁
that last sentence wins the day for me.
No but seriously, fuck mortality.
I’m so sorry to hear this. He has such a sweet face. All the gentle internet hugs to you.
Thank you <3
Oh, I’m so sorry. 🙁 He looks like a lovely kitty.
Poor little kitty… You’re doing the right thing, if that helps, putting his quality of life first.
Welp I just started crying with you, for heaven’s sakes. What a great cat.
What a damn fine looking cat. This is always one of the hardest things in the world. All the sympathy in the world to you! 🙁
I’m ever so sorry for you. Well done for putting his welfare first and letting him go when it’s time.
He’s a beautiful sweetheart. I’m sorry. This is always a hard decision to make.
Oh, I’m so sorry 🙁 He looks like such a lovely little guy.
Oh, bb, what a heartbreak. You and yours will be in my thoughts.
This is the worst thing. It’s so hard. I’m sorry 🙁
Oh, I’m so sorry — he’s beautiful kitty. *sympathy hugs*
Oh, man, I’m so sorry. He looks like an awesome furry dude.
I’m so sorry. You’re making the right decision, though, to spare him further suffering. <3
Sending love to you and yours. I’m so very sorry.
That’s a sweet face, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Lean into the good memories, and remember that you’re doing what’s right for him, which is a real gesture of love.
Oh, look at that sweet little kittymans. All the hugs to you.
You’re doing the right thing.
I once had a giant doofus of a roommate who only ever said one intelligent thing to me: “When it comes to our pets, we take the place of nature. We feed them, we play with them, we give them shelter. When the time comes, we also need to give them a gentle death.”
I am so sorry about your kitty! 🙁
I’m late, but I’m so sorry about your ginger buddy. He’s very lucky to be so loved by people willing to do the best thing for him. <3
<3
sending the both of you as many hugs as you would care to take.
I’m so sorry. I know how it is. He looks like you gave him a wonderful life.
Wedding thread wedding thread wedding thread
With two-and-change weeks to go, all hell has broken loose. I took the entire morning off work on Wednesday for my final dress fitting, only to arrive at the place and find out that PRECISELY ZERO alterations have been completed. They tried to tell me that they left me a message, which no they did not as a matter of absolute fact, to try to reschedule. So now I am down several hours of carefully-hoarded vacation time for absolutely no reason and have to bolt from work on Tuesday to get to the hopefully-actual final fitting before my haircut.
This came on top of last Friday, when MrChouffe and I met with our officiant and his wife. They are very good friends, and we discovered during this meeting that said officiant doesn’t really want to do our ceremony the way we wanted it done (to be fair, we were asking kind of a lot from him but oh my god you could’ve said something sooner, dude), so most of this week has been spent figuring out how to compromise on this. Things are currently at an okay point w/r/t ceremony and things and I’m panic-designing programs which we apparently now need and it has been seriously seriously stressful and oh my god things are expensive and my girls’ night mani-pedis will apparently include my mother and stepmother and sister-in-law and MrChouffe’s mother and stepmother and one of my girlfriends because the other two can’t come and it’s going to be so awful and awkward and people keep asking me questions and all I want to do is be fucking married already.
We have our rings, we have our license, we have our house and cats and each other so in the end it will all be OK. It is just suddenly SO HARD to keep sight of that.
Everything will totally, totally be fine. Even if there are minor mishaps, you will still end up married to someone you love, with people around you who love and support you, and that is really important. Hang in there!
ugh, that sucks, but you are going to forget the sucky stuff very, very soon, after it is overshadowed by alllll the looooove and funnnnn and delicious foods and dancing and drinks!
Good luck on the mani-pedi scope creep. I fully dreaded my hen night and then had one of the nicest weekends of my life (wedding was nicer btw) so I hope a similar transformation happens for you. Everyone is adults and know they need to do small talk/make nice so it’s rarely as awkward as you make it in your mind.
If you are still worried here are some great all purpose small talk topics:
1/ What was everyone’s favorite subject at school?
2/ What’s the best reading you’ve ever heard at a wedding?
3/ To how many digits does everyone here know pi?
etc
ALSO good luck with everything else of course! I can’t wait to hear that you and Mr Chouffe had a lovely time and so did all of your guests who love you both so much.
Thank you!! I will keep everyone fully updated OF COURSE 😀
after all my agonizing over rings, my sweetie’s mom revealed that she had her mom’s ring and sent it to us to try out! and it fits almost perfectly and is the right style for me (small & understated stones, it’s an engagement ring fused together with a plain gold band). it would have been from when diamond engagement rings were just becoming a mainstream thing, which I think is a fascinating cultural thing, and that’s cool too.
meanwhile we’re trying to come up with some books we love that have wedding-appropriate readings in them. but most of our mutual favorites are kids’ sci-fi/fantasy. how is it possible that the Phantom Tollbooth and the Enchanted Forest series and Discworld don’t have more than one or two pretty sentences about lurve between them? Harrumph, that is at least 50% WHY I liked them when I was younger, haha.
Oh, that sounds lovely!! I’d love to see a photo if you’re willing to share.
What about passages concerning working together, partnership, journeying?
I think looking for books is going to be super fun – we haven’t found anything great so far, but I’ve already enjoyed paging through all my Barbara Kingsolver (for someone whose writing about love & family is so great, she has surprisingly little I’d quote – it’s all so character-specific! Which, again, is probably why I love it. But I know she’s also a favorite of a friend I’d like to ask to read something, so I’ll sit down with Prodigal Summer again sometime) and having a few beers and a Discworld passages reading fest with my partner sounds like a great time.
Oh my gosh that is GORGEOUS. Truly, beautiful, and it suits your hand really well.
That does sound like a blast! Let us know what you pick 🙂
The ring is so pretty! My mom’s is like this too. I love this style.
Sympathies on the reading finding – we also wanted something from an sf-nal book and I was surprised how difficult it was to find anything suitable. We went with a Sybil & Vimes bit from the end of Guards! Guards! and it still makes me happy thinking back on it :-).
Hi, everyone,
A few of you have asked after me on Twitter, so I just want to let you know what’s happening. Money is going to shit right now, and I’m on a serious job hunt. I’m struggling with depression and had to attend a wedding of a friend who’s the source of a lot of triggers, which was very hard. I’m okay, and I’m being well taken care of, but I’m not putting a lot of time anywhere online right now.
Thanks for asking after me. It means a lot to know you care. I’ll be back as soon as I can sort my life out.
I was going to DM you today, so I’m happy I read this! I’m glad you’re okay and being supported. Please take all the time you need and we will be happy to see you back on Twitter once you’re in a better place. <3<3<3<3<3<3
Thanks for checking in.
Good luck with the job hunt and let us know if we can be of any assistance.
Thinking of you <3<3
I’ll be sending good thoughts your way. Best of luck with everything, and we’re here for you if you ever need us.
Keeping a good thought for you as you get things sorted, and beaming you successful job hunt sparkles. (Don’t knock the sparkles, sometimes they work!)
Sending good vibes your way!
Major happiness — I did some research and my spouse and I could be paying $100 LESS PER MONTH for cell phone service if we switch!!!! This is so amazing I cannot even tell you — we are stuck in a shitty expensive plan from when we worked together at a place that is no longer even open and we really don’t get much for that amount of money and we really really NEED that extra $100 per month so this is great news!!!!!!
My husband and I are due for phone upgrades soon and I’m pretty sure our service provider will force us to change plans as well, since that seems to be the common MO when giving you a “free” new phone – but it looks like they have a plan that’s $30 cheaper than what we currently have and has only 1 fewer GB of data per month.
Maybe this is because I’m a Dreaded Millenial, but I was surprised by how many cellphone plans were like “Includes 50000000 Anytime Minutes!” Like dude, I don’t have a cellphone so I can call people and talk to them. What are you thinking??
It seems sometime since we last upgraded our phones (not even that long ago, maybe a couple years now?) they started doing weird things with phone plans? All I know is I have a grandfathered in unlimited data plan that they can pry from my cold dead hands.
Oh, I miss my grandfathered-in unlimited data plan. I used to stream music while I was driving and now I have to watch my data like a hawk. Hmph. I didn’t even typically use that much data, but it’s a mental thing. I wish I hadn’t needed to upgrade my phone but buttons weren’t working properly and it was on its way downhill. Stupid cell phone companies.
So far I’ve manged to upgrade phones a few times keeping the plan. I fear the day they somehow make me change that (I know it’s gonna happen someday).
Oh word. What on earth would I do with minutes?! Talk with my VOICE?!?!?!?!
Toasties! It is my LAST DAY of doing my civic duty by spending all day sitting around in the breakroom next to the grand jury chamber waiting for them to have something, anything at all, for us to do.
Do any of you have good jury duty stories, perhaps ones involving less boredom and wasted time than me? Or do your states insist on wasting your time in the same manner that New York does? Help assure me that some of you have had better experiences doing your civic duty as a juror than I have had this first time I’ve served!
Congratulations! I do not have any good jury stories, though. Served for the first time this summer and it was a workplace injury case that was SO BORING and involved a lot of recitations of the same minutiae over and over again, and also they would randomly let us out early because neither side had prepared enough or arranged for all their witnesses to come in. So a trial that could have taken two days of actually being in the courtroom ended up taking a full week. 🙁
The only redeeming thing was that the Brooklyn courthouse is right across the street from a Shake Shack.
I am jealous of the Shake Shack! I’m in Manhattan, where the courthouses are in a desolate wasteland of a neighborhood. That weird spot below Canal Street, above City Hall? WASTELAND.
Oh, that is such a weird neighborhood. The first time I walked through it accidentally, I was extremely confused. There is no there there.
I was on jury duty for nearly a MONTH in Brooklyn and I gained almost 10lbs from the Shake Shack because when you are THAT bored, you really need a shake.
I got a jury duty letter recently, but when I checked the website the night before it said I didn’t need to report. Best jury duty experience ever (i.e, that’s the extent of my jury duty experience).
I’d love to hear other peoples’ stories!
Update: We got here at 10:30am today because of 9/11 stuff, and now it’s 12:20pm and we’ve been told to leave for lunch and that we don’t need to be back until 2pm. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME.
my first jury duty was terrifying! I was 19, home from my freshman year of college, and they were interviewing us for a jury trial of the sexual assault of young teenage girls by this greasy middle-aged guy in a suit. I panicked, nearly threw up, and said I absolutely couldn’t be objective, so the judge let me go.
my second jury duty was this past april and it was a much better experience, as in, I got there at 8:30 and by 10:00 all the cases had settled and we all got to go home!
This is actually my mother’s story, but it’s a good example of small town life. In the early 1990’s, my small town had a pretty horrific murder — the first murder ever in its history — of a husband killing his wife, in an unimaginably brutal way. Even though the guy confessed, he was still put on trial.
Since the towns people — the JURORS, amongst them my mother — didn’t have a lot of experience with violent crime, the judge, during breaks, would read poetry to them to ease their feelings of horror at the video of the crime scene, the autopsy reports and testimony. The judge read poetry to the jurors — I still can’t get over that. It seems like something that should happen in a book like To Kill a Mockingbird.
I just finished grand jury duty! IDK how other states do it but we had to show up every other Wednesday for 4 months which was weird (nice in that we weren’t sequestered for months but odd in general). Mostly I learned about drugs and talked about purses with our AUSA. Also I got to hang out in our little round federal courthouse (named for the judge that Woody Harrelson’s dad killed) which is charmingly retro http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local/article/Ci…
We had good snacks and I made friends… and helped justice and whatnot
“(named for the judge that Woody Harrelson’s dad killed)”
Whoa, I think I missed that story. To the Google!!
Oh gosh, jury duty. My husband’s a lawyer and had told me horror stories about how awful some state court judges can be as far as power-hungry, full of themselves, etc. The first time I was called for jury duty, there were a ton of people in the pool who wanted to be excused, or at least postpone their service. The judge made each of them stand up, in front of the whole pool, and state their reason out loud while he questioned them, mulled it over, then denied most of them. As each person got up with a more personal and mortifying story (family illness, childcare for a disabled child, only breadwinner in a large family, etc), and the judge shot them down, there were fewer and fewer people willing to step forward. Finally this one poor woman got up, blushing and stammering and almost in tears, and asked the judge if she could approach the bench because her reasons were personal. He wouldn’t let her. This woman had to tell us all about her tax problems with the IRS, her wage garnishment and how she couldn’t afford to miss any work due to it. The judge REFUSED HER. Such a prick.
In NY, we do it straight through – either half days for four weeks or full days for two weeks. I got the later, so I’ve been spending all day here, and much of the time they don’t have cases for us. But I’m doing nothing but narcotics (we’re the grand jury specifically assigned to NYC’s Special Narcotics Prosecutor) and I’m finding that kind of depressing.
Interesting! Being in South TX almost all of our drug stuff was Mexican mafia related. But we got a mix of cases (identity fraud! mail theft! < which is apparently a thing here. People drive up at night and just steal those big blue mailboxes)
I had jury duty last December. It was a really positive experience: I learned a lot, the jurors worked well together, and we ended up with the verdict I wanted. The hard part was not being able to talk about the case with anyone while it was going on, not because I can’t keep secrets, but because I needed to process it emotionally. But I made up for it afterwards.
I was on a jury for a civil case that was totally dramatic and crazy. One of the lawyers was kinda scummy. Like 2 months after I ended up giving a deposition about the jury decision because the plaintiff tried to contest our ruling on the grounds that the jury foreman didn’t allow some people to give their opinions – which was not true Imo anyway the ended up settling before I had to go into court but it was interesting cause I thought we were done but no
I’ve never had to do jury duty, but sort of wish that it happens sometime! Because I want to Participate in Democracy! or something. Probably if I ever get to do jury duty it will be awful, if yall’s stories are any indication.
I’ve had jury duty a couple times, but the very first time I ended up on an actual jury. I was 19 or 20, in college, and not thrilled about having to miss class and stay in my hometown (90 min from school) for the two days of trial. It ended up being pretty interesting, though, and it was all fine in the end.
The best part was during jury selection when a guy was like “I can’t be objective, I’m racist” in a clear attempt to get himself excused early (civil court, one party was black), and the judge was like “okay well I can’t keep you on the jury if you say you’re racist, but you’re gonna report back to me at 8:30am tomorrow and stay as long as I say.” Joke’s on that guy.
I have been called twice, both for sexual assault cases.
I go, sit through jury selection, and get kicked out; used to volunteer for a rape crisis center.
You totally panicked me–I got a notice, but there is NO time assigned. I can have 2 weeks notice anytime between now and December. Great. Anybody wanna bet it’s after a relative buys me a very expensive airplane ticket?
The last two times I was called I had newborn babies. I’m all for my civic duty, but making me set aside three months during the holidays is really a bit much.
I didn’t read the article, but I kind of already knew that? I have a weird little carrot allergy, and I looked it up on the Internet once and turns out it’s connected to pollen allergies (which I’ve always had).
little carrot allergy? i go to the ER semi-regularly with it now.
oh no! just in case you don’t already – watch out for the raw apples too. tree fruit! cooked apple is fine — cooking changes the molecular structure.
(for me at least, carrot + apple allergy go together).
oh yeah, super allergic to raw carrots also!
which is to say, i hope yours doesn’t get worse as mine did!
eeep! That sucks and I really hope it doesn’t, it’s been pretty much the same since I was 13 but maybe?
I’ve read (though I don’t remember where, so might be useless) that the oral allergy syndrome symptoms can be worse during the time that the pollen allergy is active.
I get it from sugar snap peas straight off the vine, which is HEARTBREAKING. And apples but not always.
You can also peel the vegetable in question; I think the proteins are in the skin.
Because I know what the people want. Pig thread. (With an additional turkey cameo.)
Babies.
Eeee this makes me smile so much!! Those turkeys are way littler-looking than I would have expected!!!!
The baby wild ones are always so little, it’s ridiculous. Somewhere there’s a video of me in my car waiting a good three minutes or so for twenty or so of them and their two adult minders to make up their minds about crossing the road.
Like confused little dinosaurs flapping around in circles.
Vaguely relatedly, I love that video of the female turkey running circles around the male one to make it dizzy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-br08dgMCA
Watching that started to make me dizzy.
I never tire of your fantastic pigs <3
And more because y’all deserve it.
They’re happy to see everybody.
As long as rubs are provided. 
All your pictures make me homesick for my childhood when I lived 15 miles from town. Stupid property prices in my area being so high that living in town was the only reasonable option!
Of course being able to walk back home from downtown when you’ve had a bit too much to drink is also kind of handy. And walking to the library on a weekend afternoon…
The peeg getting scritches does not look very big! Nice pigs 🙂
She’s big enough to try to eat me. I’ve got tooth marks on my calf.
She’s… just trying to show affection?
I think they’re just trying to get a taste since they know we will be tasting them. I know full well all the farm animals of my acquaintance would gladly eat me if they got the chance. I’ve made my peace with that.
DEM TROTTERS THO
I always love the peeg thread 🙂
WHEEEE! I just love this thread, LUV-IT! And where I live, the turkeys are everywhere, too. Just last week, myself and a fellow communter let a turkey family safely cross the highway; the best part was getting an “aren’t turkeys wonderful!” wave from the driver.
I love how the ears are flopping over and covering up the eyes in the second to last pic. Pigs!!!
Our first home game for my gay rugby team of the season is tomorrow and I have a phone interview on Monday. EVERYTHING IS COMING UP MILHOUSE.
From your screen name to the Simpson’s reference, to “gay rugby team,” there is nothing I don’t love about this comment.
Are there any Toast children Authors or Illustrators?
I had a brainwave when trying to think of an idea for my nephews birthday present, I could write him a book and get it printed! Except I can’t write or draw so I’m throwing myself on the mercy of The Toast
Any Children’s Authors/Illustrators fancy working with me to make a little boys birthday present? What could I expect to pay someone for this kind of thing?
I don’t think it would be overly complicated, and the pictures are probably the most important part; I thought it could be a little story about a weekend he spends with his totally cool Auntie 😀 but very open to suggestions
If this sound like something you’d like to do please let me know!
This sounds like such a fun project! I’m not an official children’s author or illustrator, but I am an artist and I did write an amazing children’s story about a space-travelling cow named Yvette in high school, so…If you want to contact me, my email is Karen.e.morrison (at) gmail. You can check out some of my artwork on my website (karenemorrison.com). Let me know if you’re interested!
Wow thank you! I’ll almost defintely be in touch!
I think there are actually companies that do personalized childrens’ books, if that helps.
Not someone who can help you with this project, but tbh this is such a cute idea!
i’m having one of those days where you rush out the door last minute and about five minutes out the door, you’re like, “why am i wearing these shoes? i don’t want to be wearing these shoes. i’m going to be wearing them all day now. everything is garbage.” and then not only is everything garbage, but you feel stupid for getting so garbage-y over a freakin’ pair of shoes.
let’s think of more pleasant things instead. i enjoyed the autumn thread last week. let’s bring it back: TALK ABOUT AUTUMN AND HOW IT’S THE BEST. what pies are you looking forward to eating? what spices will you put in your hot beverage of choice? how many leaves, approximately, will you crunch?
I have totally done the shoe thing, including finding out once I got to work that I was still wearing my house shoes/slippers.
i WISH i was wearing house slippers right now, haha. although not, i guess, because then i would have to walk back through the gross city streets in them.
I just bought this orange-nettle syrup (I believe that it’s basically watered down flavored honey), and I’m going to put it in all of my tea and hot toddies for the forseeable future. I’m so excited.
ooh that sounds good. i can’t wait until it’s finally hot tea weather here!
I dunno about spices but I CAN’T WAIT to make hot chocolate spiked with a healthy dose of Bailey’s!
yesssss. i should have said “what spices and/or booze will you put in your hot beverage of choice” because i cannot wait to spike some tea with whiskey.
So…what kind of tea do you put whiskey in? I keep considering it but have been, so far, indecisive.
it’s good with those fakey orange-spice teas, or with chai!
Ooooh I have a tin full of that orange-spice crap I never feel like drinking! This sounds excellent. Come on, weather, get cold already.
YES THAT IS MY FAVORITE EVER EVER EVER
I am looking into going up to Vermont for a weekend at the end of the month. There is a cider doughnut place that I used to go to a lot during college, and I miss it. Plus, A+ leaves.
i have never had a cider donut. surely there must be somewhere in the bay area to get one—time to investigate.
I mean, the proper way to eat a cider doughnut is while walking along an unpaved New England road, wearing a cable-knit sweater and breathing in the cool autumn air whilst gazing at the changing foliage. But you could try.
(Joking, but seriously they are so good, find them. The ones rolled in cinnamon sugar are better than the plain ones, for the record.)
time for a vacation!! donut vacation.
I can definitely get behind a donut-vacation.
Upstate New York is a good choice, too!
ugh you’re killing me! For some reason we don’t have cider donuts in the Midwest! They just sell regular donuts at apple orchards, what the hell.
There’s a cider mill outside of Kansas City where they make cider doughnuts! If you happen to be passing through.
Apple Hill in camino (on the way to Tahoe) has delightful ones. Hit up Rainbow Orchards and eat them allll (also their apples are very good and there are many other farms with apple dumplings, pies, pears, pumpkins, festive gourds, etc etc).
ugh i need more friends with cars, that sounds delightful.
Fall! FALL! Briskness! Boots! coats! Spots of sunshine bringing warmth to a cool afternoon. Hot drinks! Root vegetables! Wine tasting through the changing leaves! Apple picking! SO MANY PIES. TV comes back from hiatus!
FEELING ALIVE ITS THE BEST TIME OF YEEEARRRR
yessss it truly is the best!!!
if i may add: ginger cookies! scarves! spookiness! the delicious smell of woodsmoke wafting through the air in the mornings!
WOOD SMOKE HOW DID I FORGET WOOD SMOKE?!
WINE TASTING IN OCTOBER IS THE VERY BEST DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE
(but go on a Tuesday rather than a Saturday, trust me on this one)
We will be making a ton of mulled wine and I can’t wait. I always feel a bit guilty/stupid for wanting summer to end, because I know we will be in for at least 7 months of brutal winter and I will bitterly regret thinking, “I wish it weren’t so damn hot.” But I also want my mulled wine already.
I made mini peach pies the other day and it was so easy. Mash up the peaches, add a bit of cinnamon and nutmeg and lemon juice, let a bit of the juice strain out so the crust doesn’t get soggy, spoon into store-bought frozen pie shells because you’re too lazy to make your own dough. A+ I want to cook more with peaches and apricots – I had an apricot pie a few weeks ago that I’m still thinking about because it was so perfect. On my way out of Zurich airpor last month t I bought a box of dried apricots filled with chocolate ganache and covered in dark chocolate and they were amazing. I wish I had ignored the price tag and bought 1000 more.
i also feel guilty for wishing summer was over (especially since the winters here are laughably mild and i still start hankering for some warmer weather by the time april rolls around) but sort of not because AUTUMN IS THE BEST
also mulled wine and those pies and those apricots, they all sound so good.
Oh wow I have three peaches at home totally making mini pies after work
Last winter I went to a german-style Christmas market and bought an apricot-almond strudel. It was the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth – puddles of jammy, sweet-tart apricots with a stripe of almond paste down the middle and plenty of chopped almonds throughout… I have tried to recreate it, but to no avail. All I can do now is hope and pray that same vendor will be there this year.
My food choices won’t change much but BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS JACKETS SWEATERS AND BOOTS.
Has anyone tried Republic of Tea’s wine teas (like this one)? They sound amazing, but want them in single-serving bags.
yesss autumn fashion. bring on the boots! the scarves! the big snuggly sweaters!
Yes, I have, and I so so so wanted it to taste like wine, and it does SMELL like wine but it tastes. . . like black tea. 🙁 Fine, but not as exciting as I was hoping.
I have a water bottle with a tea infuser in the bottom. My friends and I have definitely put tea leaves in the infuser then filled the bottle with wine and made tea-infused wine. For our next experiment we’re going to pair a citrus-y green tea with moscato. Not at all Fall Appropriate, but delicious. A+ would recommend these experiments.
This sounds AMAZING.
There is this little country store by my parents’ house called Mannino’s and they make THE BEST caramel apple pie. Mmmmmmmm.
I’m not that big a fan of autumn because, y’know, WINTER IS COMING. But I do enjoy crunchy leaves and apple foods.
i’ve never had caramel apple pie but if it’s like what i’m imagining, i want some ASAP.
There’s a picture next to “bakery”:
http://www.manninosmarket.com/departments.html
Mmmmmm
mmm caramel
I am wearing boots and tights and a cable knit sweater and a big scarf today, and my lunch time walks look like this:
i am so jealous, holy crap.
SO STUNNING!
Oh my gosh so gorgeous!
AUGH PERFECTION.
I feel like this about the shirt I wore to work today! It is cute but very floaty and I am afraid makes me look pregnant. It really wants to be worn with danger boots in the fall but it is too warm in New England for the danger boots right now.
I am looking forward to making apple cake and wearing tons of black and my scariest shoes.
“wearing tons of black and my scariest shoes” is an excellent fashion goal
AUTUMN AT LAST. I mean. Not quite. But I did sleep under a quilt last night and everything was glorious.
I ordered new boots online last week and they arrived this morning! Of course too late for me to actually get them out and put them on to go to work, but soooooooooon.
yay for new boots!
My favorite time of year is actually late fall AFTER the leaves are gone. Everything kind of slows down and gets quiet and still. I love walking along the bare trees, finding old stone walls and paths that were covered by leaves in earlier months, and when there’s a wood fire going nearby it’s just the best ever.
I believe in some places it’s called ‘stick season.’ LONG LIVE.
yes, i love that too! especially because here it doesn’t really get COLDER until that season. it’s JUST when you can start to see your breath when you go out, and i love it.
Yes! And you can go out and do fun Fall Activities without worrying you’ll sweat through your seasonal knits.
I am looking forward to the very specific set of weather conditions endemic to Autumn in Northern Michigan:
1. Zero humidity, zero cloud: flawless, eye-piercingly blue skies
2. Warm in the sun/mid-afternoon, cool in the shade/morning/evening; i.e. chilly toes when you wear flip-flops to work as you leave the house but perfect on lunch break
3. Dry leaf smells mixed with wood smoke smells mixed with viney smells from the wineries
4. The exactly correct air quality to drink cold hard cider, hot sweet cider, red wine, white wine, or whiskey with no ill effects
Usually this combination happens for two weeks at the beginning of October and then it goes all gray and snowy until May.
mmm wood smoke smelllsssss
I don’t know why we’re getting a tiny heat wave AGAIN here in Vancouver but it can fuck right off. I want to put my shorts and tanks away and pull out my sweaters! I want to make pies! And bake bread! And crunch as many leaves as I can find! Thinking about dyeing my hair again in leaf colours later this month.
ooh, leaf color hair sounds lovely!
also, yes, we are having a mega heat wave in the bay area (as mallory described) and it’s not only un-fall-like, it’s also straight up miserable. GO AWAY AND BRING THE FOG BACK
Oooh, there was a tiny amount of fog on my way in to work today and I almost jumped for joy.
It’s tough to do multiple colours with home dye so I’ve had to pay the big bucks to have a professional do it.
Autumn is the best because The Evil Sun is still trying to kill us, but the angle of the earth is wrong and so it can only shine beautifully, goldly, IMPOTENTLY.
I bake molasses everything, and roast root vegetables until my oven sighs a tired sigh.
I bought these boots in July and had a very broke couple of weeks because they were WAY over my budget. But now I will be able to wear them! http://www.clarks.co.uk/p/26102926
I like hot chocolate with very strong coffee and a tiny hit of cayenne, and I have a 100-year-old big leaf maple tree and will be able to crunch ALL THE LEAVES!
Not to mention the dogs/cats/rabbits are snuggly, sleep is deeper when it’s cold and raining, and I can stop spending money on water for the damned fruit trees.
yesss to molasses everything, spicy mochas, and beautiful maple trees! my childhood home had a japanese maple right outside the front door and it was so lovely.
also those boots are great and i imagine they’re well worth the budget-breaking. i bought budget-breaking boots three years ago (i’ve resoled them once) and they were a good investment!
That’s what I’m hoping! I had a pair of Dr. Marten t-straps that I resoled four times.
Japanese maples are heart-stoppingly lovely. In the autumn the leaves are like fiery little stars on the ground.
It goes even further: those allergies are also related to asthma and eczema. Did I mention I have all these things? Basically: my immune system is an oversensitive bitch.
Shall we have a comics thread? Did you see we’re apparently the majority now?
I read Bitch Planet last night, and the big event in the comic didn’t get to me that much, but Lindy West’s essay in combination with the letters made me tear up. That comic is such a force. I also read the latest Ms. Marvel (still great), and in the past weeks I also read the third and last Alex + Ada trade (talk about tears…) and the last Fraction Hawkeye trade.
What have you all been reading lately?
Did I ever tell The Toast at large about my erotic dream about Spider Jerusalem? Only tangentially comics-related but I feel like being honest today.
I just googled him and… well, I can totally see that.
I’m waiting for volume 5 of Saga. Counting the days at this point.
Me too! Volume 4 broke my heart. They can’t leave things like that!
D:
I FINALLY started reading Saga, and while I’m having some trouble keeping all the storylines and characters straight, I’ve also never read anything that makes me gasp and cry and numbly mutter “oh my god” while my roommate looks on in concern quite like it.
I’m so worried about The Will 🙁
I’m worried about all of them! Even Prince Robot who is kind of a dick but geez that part was brutal.
Comics threaaaaaaad! I read the new WicDiv and Ms. Marvel last night. WicDiv was cool but Ms. Marvel made me bawl, as usual. I love that book so much.
Any webcomics fans here? I’m a devoted fan of Witchy, Balderdash, and O! Human Star, but I’m always looking for recs.
Braak here recced it to me but Kill Six Billion Demons is pretty great. The creator just started updating again and has a Patreon for support if you like it.
I just introduced my boyfriend to Bone and I am happy he loved it as much as I did. He in turn is catching me up with The Order of the Stick.
I need to catch up with Ms. Marvel (which I loved) and then finally finish Grant Morrison’s run of Doom Patrol.
Aside from Ms. Marvel, Hawkeye (sob) and Saga, the only other comic I read regularly is Dorohedoro by Q Hayashida. It’s a manga written and drawn by a woman and I really cannot recommend it enough. I love her illustrations and character design and worldbuilding. It’s in the process of being translated to English, so I’ve been buying the books as they come out and then sending them to my older brother in (ironically) Japan.
Dude, YES. Is that the one with the lizard-head guy? I read that as a late teen and it was WILD and I loved it! I remember it being super weird and interesting and terrible things happening to characters I liked.
Yeah, that’s Caiman! It’s such a crazy series but I’m always completely taken aback by the quality. Every panel is gorgeous and weird.
Who else has read NIMONA? It is so good that I want to marry it, and its shark tits.
YAAAAAAASSSSS.
I really need to. I’ve heard so many good things!
I cried at the end; I was not expecting that. So good!
I am going to seize this opportunity to recommend webcomics that I don’t see people talk about a lot, because I love them.
Everyone loves Kate Beaton (she is, as Kraven would say, BEST), but have you read:
Bad Machinery/Scary Go Round by John Allison? His snarky British schoolchildren and teens are some of the most hilarious, sympathetic characters in my comics-reading life. (skip to the stories with Shauna and Lottie and sometimes Mildred; Shelley is just ok) John Allison also posts great music recommendations!
Necropolis by Jake Wyatt? Ok, truth time: I follow Jake Wyatt on tumblr and his art style is so perfect I can’t handle it, but I am saving up a bunch of Necropolis updates to read at once so I’m pretty behind on this. this is also true of
The Abominable Charles Christopher by Karl Kerschl (sp?), which has made me cry. This guy draws nature so, so well, in a way that reminds me strongly of Bill Watterson, and he is amazing at conveying a lot with minimal dialogue.
Oh, I was so into Scary Go Round back in the day. I love John Allison.
John Allison just gets better and better. At storytelling, at art, at everything. I loved Scary Go Round back in the day and was so happy he continued with Bad Machinery.
Has anyone bought Giant Days? Anyone know if he’ll be releasing a trade paperback? I want to buy it but I don’t like having “individual” comics if that makes sense.
I don’t know! I want to support him but haven’t purchased yet. (my 14-year-old sister, who also loves his stuff, got me a great t-shirt from his shop that says BEARS WILL EAT YOU on it.)
And yes! He already had a great sense of humor in the early stuff but now everything looks cute too – economical but expressive.
I’m way behind but I have recently finally read the first trade of Ms. Marvel (loved it) and picked up Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye and also Captain Marvel. Haven’t read Captain Marvel yet but I really like Hawkeye (as I expected I would based on what I’ve read here).
Also I finally read Lumberjanes, which is adorable.
I just picked up the last volume of Fraction’s Hawkeye and will be reading it this weekend. It’s such an awesome run.
I just finished Sex Criminals: Vol 1 and it’s so good I’m going to try and find #2 ASAP. Basically, it’s about a couple who can both freeze time after they orgasm and so they use their power to rob banks to save a library the bank is about to foreclose on.
Matt Fraction wrote it, so on top of being fun and fast paced it’s also very funny.
UNBEATABLE SQUIRREL GIRL! I love it so much that I bought three copies of the first trade so I could foist them on people. It’s by Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics who cracks me up, and Doreen is so goofy and lovable and cute.
I know we normally have both a dating thread and a video game thread, but since this is both I’ll just throw it out there:
Dude on OKC sent me a first message, mansplaining video games to me. Specifically, what kind of game Portal is. You know, the game I listed as one of my favorites. In among the MASSIVE portion of my profile dedicated to video games. And how it’s ‘interesting’ that I listed it as one of my favorite games while also stating a preference for fantasy RPG’s. Clearly, the only explanation that I could like this game is that I don’t understand that it’s actually a sci-fi FPP, and not that, y’know, a preference is just that?
This is not a way to win my heart, dude. Nor to get in my pants.
However, it was an EXCELLENT way to fill me with rage. Maybe he’s going for a rivalmance?
I am vaguely sort of starting to jump back into the online dating thing. Sort of. Maybe.
There’s one guy who messaged me, and he seems like he could be nice? interesting? cute? But it’s been a few days of messaging and then switched to texting and he still hasn’t suggested SCHEDULING A DATE.
Correction: he started out on OKC by being really forward/direct/etc and then it was all a fail. I mention being a baseball fan in my profile but don’t say which team. On 8/30, Message #2 asked who I root for, and #3 invited me to the Yankees game on 9/10. To which I responded that we should meet up for a drink before then, not saying no, just not saying yes to a three-hour-plus first date.
He has not attempted to schedule anything since and if he texts me again today I’m going to tell him I’m done texting and that we need to schedule a drink for next week.
You could message him back in the same vein. As in, “Weird, you messaged me on OKC. OKC is a dating site. Usually, when people send messages on dating sites, their intention is to explore the possibility of maybe dating the recipient. However, your mansplainy message is the exact sort of thing that would make all possibility of any future relationship disappear.”
A+ I would like you to write responses to all my terrible messages too please.
PERFECTION
if I had to venture a guess what kind of relationship that guy was fishing for ‘droning arms race partner’ would be about it
if you wanna commit to it you gotta at least get on Skype so you can properly talk over each other
I’d also add, “No cake for you, motherfucker.” But sometimes I am meaner than strictly necessary.
This made me snort-laugh.
Don’t you know if you state you have a preference for a genre, you can ONLY like things IN THAT GENRE? Duh!
(Side-note I just replayed Portal 1/2 for like the third time, so, thumbs up to that awesome game.)
Here’s the bizarre kicker: About a half hour later, I got a message from another OKC dude I had a very nice date/hookup with while he was visiting my town a few weeks ago. He wanted to tell me he’d broken his foot and was playing Portal 2 and thinking of me and it’s a great game, I should really play it.
Major happiness — I live in Ottawa with my gentleman friend now! 😀 Moving is terrible and stressful and I’m glad I don’t have to do that again for the foreseeable future.
Also, Ottawa area Toasties — care for a meetup again sometime soon?
Yay! September is a lovely time to move to Ottawa; spend some time in the Gatineau hills in October.
Congrats! Fall here is the best.
I wasn’t free for the first meetup, but would be interested in meeting local Toasties!
welcome!
i am mostly a toast-lurker, but i would totally come to a meetup.
Preface: So I’ve been working on a funny piece for The Toast about random questions people ask me at the library. Nicole Chung has been nice enough to help me edit the piece but there was one question that didn’t fit with the rest. One of my coworkers was once asked “Why are all of the black people moving to my neighborhood?” Yes, really. Nicole had edited the question to make it less awful, but after discussing it, I decided that I’d rather we pull the question than change it to make it a different question entirely. I don’t want to offend anyone, but I don’t think changing the question makes the fact that people *do* ask these sorts of things (and worse!) of complete strangers without a second thought and better.
This has gotten me thinking. I read Between the World and Me a few weeks ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. I am a white female living in a VERY segregated Midwestern city. I really don’t have any friends where I live, let alone any black ones, and I *need* to talk about this. I’m almost consumed with the thought that “I read this. I agree, it is awful. It needs to stop. How do we change history? What do I, as a ‘white’ person do next?”
tl;dr I’m white, I read Between the World and Me and I need to talk about this book with people of all races who live a life different than mine. What should this ignorant person do to make the world a better place?
Share the book! Give it to your coworkers! Your friends! Then talk about it presumably.
Yes! I am already doing this. I just had a big conversation with a coworker about it and said segregated city in which we live. She also asked me to write a book review for our Staff Reads blog and while I was initially afraid of coming off the wrong way, I told her I’d re read parts and try to pull out examples to site certain ideas along with adding my librarian two cents that EVERYONE should read it.
Oh man, that question reminds me of the time I was working at a movie theater. One of my coworkers was a woman who had recently immigrated from China, and an older white lady asked where she was from, and then what part of China she was from. After, she said something like “Thank you so much. I have a hard time telling Asian people apart. You’ve really helped me.” Very liberal town, I’m sure the woman was trying to better herself or something, but it was so inappropriate.
I know that “make black friends” is terrible advice for one thousand reasons but here is my advice for you (and that you can share with others): think about your friend-making habits. When you ask for help in a store, who do you approach? When you sit down in a new class, who do you choose to sit next to? When you compliment a stranger’s outfit, do you always choose people who look like you? None of this is about “making black friends” – it’s about getting to the root of the role that we each play in creating our social spaces.
Interesting questions. While trying to answer them, I realized juuuuust how socially anxious I am. My question nearly every time was “do what I need to do to get stuff done but…. don’t talk to anyone unless approached by them first” (see asking for help, sitting in a class). But I can honestly say that complimenting someone’s outfit or an item they are wearing is a very natural thing for me to do. I am almost always unconsciously looking for something to complement someone on when I’m having a work interaction in public. Doesn’t matter who they are. But as a whole, I’ve discovered that I am a LOT more aware of the things I find myself thinking about people and I correct myself and say “Dude, you have no idea what that person’s deal is. Don’t judge.”
I really suggest SURJ (Showing Up For Racial Justice). It is a national group that has local groups, and it is an anti-racist ally group for people who ID as white. They are, unlike some other groups with similar missions, actually not horrible and focused on action in community (the what can I DO) rather than just having the same conversation about white privilege over and over. I am not personally involved in a local group because there is not one near me and I am sure they vary in quality, but the resources provided by the organization as a whole are excellent.
YES. I just found a group near me and will be emailing their contact person in the next day or so. martha’s suggestion is valid too and so, with your help in getting the name of a national organization, hopefully I can meet some people and learn about grassroots options in my city as well. Also, there is SO MUCH TO READ on the SURJ website! I can’t wait.
I think becoming part of a grassroots community group/a network would be a great step. Online solidarity is important, but being in a room with people getting stuff done and thinking along the same lines as you is immensely powerful.
I think this is a great suggestion. I’m actually hoping to see if there is a Showing Up For Racial Justice group in my area per bluerOses’s suggestion with the hope that I can discover more grassroots groups once I get to know some people? I will say that there have been some… nationally publicized events involving the police in my state in the last year and the likelihood that these groups are out there is large. I just need to find them and go where they are!
It can be difficult to get into the room – but worth it! If you’ve not been around activist circles before, I would recommend reading up on self-care and keeping yourself safe (says she who has experienced activism burn-out and some shady behaviour from people I’ve encountered in protest groups, but has also made great friends and been part of some very awesome things). And if you’re a librarian, I’d guess that you have loads of skills to bring along that would be sorely needed!
Can we talk about all the fucked up shit on Ask A Manager this week?!?!
MLMs, coworkers ruining weddings, creepy violent “jokes,” and the LW who was like “should I pay someone to create fake work experience for me?”
My least favorite was the creepy violent joker, because that level of detail IS NOT JOKES.
The one about the wedding had to be fake, right? Like, he punched the groom, his date punched the bride, and he spat blood all over the bride? I don’t buy it.
I don’t know though, I know a dude or two that has lots of that type of drunken stranger violence (mostly) in their past. I mean, I certainly WANT it to be fake!!!
Nope, I 100% believe it. Weddings are ludicrous and all kinds of batshit stufd happens at them. I used to work in weddings, and there were several other commenters on that post who have worked weddings before and this stuff TOTALLY happens.
I feel so discouraged about job hunting after some of these, like, I have my frustrations with my job but NOT THESE ONES. and they’re OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
I may start having to read this regularly! Was there ever follow-up to the one someone posted in Open Thread a few months ago, the guy who’d charged thousands of dollars of personal expenses to his corporate credit card and could no longer keep up with the interest payments? That blew my mind.
There was! The company ended up being pretty chill about it; it was definitely one of the happier follow-ups.
college thread!!!
I got a care package today. Love my mom. I miss the sibs a bunch but itll be okay. Queer Studies is still freaking amazing. SO much new vocabulary. Im so ready to be a womens studies major.
We’re pretty sure we’ve chosen our mascot, but it’s not the Merfolk like I thought it would be. I can’t say what it is in case any sophomore is cool enough to read the Toast.
Bollywood dancing was so great. Love me some SRK.
Also, I changed the quote on my chalkboard to “tits out peacock bread time to stab a fish.” getting lots of compliments.
Is everyone in higher education doing okay?
I am on a break from college right now and Coping With What It Means. I am working retail right now and I can’t wait to go back to school now that I have sorted out the mental health stuff that caused me to need to leave.
Cat thread?
Casimir Pulaskitty would like you to know that he supports reading, because reading supports him.
Jamie (my sister’s cat) probably just hopes you have a nice weekend somewhere far, far away from him. 
Jamie is throwing great shade there.
Here are Asa and Oliver really really wishing they were outside cats so that they could eat all the birds on the deck.
Jamie is the king of shade.
Contrasted, of course, with my wide eyed Brigadier up there who is 98% dog.
New here but wow, Casimir Pulaskitty is such an awesome name!
This has to be one of my favorite pictures of my Kit and her gorgeous eyes:
Also, Pepper is not even a cat loaf. He is a cat box, or maybe a cat pillow:
Catblerone.
Beautiful eyes!!
We have matching catloaves.
Oh my gosh! They even tuck their paws the same! Maybe it’s a big tabby thing, haha.
aww, i had a white cat with odd eyes, she lived to be 19.5! she had 7 toes, too. aww, motor.
She must have been a great pianist!
Cat ottoman? Cattoman?
Oh hiiiii
oh hiii polydactyl baby!
This face. My favorite face.
ETA wow I am struggling with html today. I blame it on the first not-summer-Friday.
so adorable!
I feel just like Jamie today.
Saffron sat under the gym ball and looked really cross about it.
And Captain thinks he is Khoshekh.
“This ball is touching my ear. How dare it.”
Um, it… actually was there firs–
“I said HOW DARE IT.”
Soooo stoned. Catnip fish are the best!
I’m pretty sure he’s saying “PET ME AND READ ME ‘THE WORLD OF GAINSBOROUGH’, PLEASE”
Either that or he was curious about ‘Cooking Kosher The Natural Way’
Gertie supposes she can accept my affections. I swear this cat only lets me pick her up if she needs the height advantage to survey the counters for baked goods.
I’ve been so busy at work lately that I’ve missed this! Here is Charlie climbing the screen door for the first time. I also found her on the top of the cabinets last week. I’m thinking of knitting her a cape.
Haven’t you seen The Incredibles?! NO CAPES!
Today’s the one year anniversary of me finding Harry and I’ve already posted about this in an insane number of places on the internet today but whatever, there’s a Toast cat thread! I mean I’m basically obligated to post again at that point, right?
Yes you are!
Moxie seems to have gotten over his heartbreak at moving away from the moose.
Looks like there’s a new girl in town
Hurrah!
Feline-ungulate romance takes many beautiful forms.
Kittens update: they’re about 6 months now, oh my! Janie, the Tortie, has figured out how to jump to the top of the bookshelf and it’s only slightly terrifying. Pye, the siamese, doesn’t really care about walking the heights, but she loves that window sill.
Janie also enjoys laptop sitting.
and Pye is a chest sitter/kneader, which results in selfies like this.
Also, Pye has the most adorbs mismatched socks and I can’t get over it.
Klaas-Jan, ready to dance while waking up briefly from a nap on my lap:
I am adulting @ 100% right now ladies. Last week, life partner and I put in an offer on a house and were immediately outbid by people much richer than us. We were devastated. And then on Tues news broke that they’re opening a Trader Joes across the st from our lost home! WHY MOCK US CRUEL PROPERTY GODS. We seriously felt like we’d be broken up with! BUT THIS IS A NEW WEEK and we are again viewing some properties that are very promising! So… fingers crossed! Buying a house is such a complicated set of EMOTIONS.
Fingers crossed for you! The process suuuuckkkkkssssss but so far totally worth it.
But think of all the traffic the new Trader Joe’s would bring!! Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise.
Life is pretty good! I look super cute today, and I went to a meeting with a bunch of people from other departments that seemed intimidating at first but I said some smart things and everyone was nice, and tomorrow there’s a flea market/vintage clothing fair not too far from my place.
I bought plane tickets for our Christmas visit to my parents’ and now my bank account is all
so I probably won’t be buying a whole lot at that flea market.
I’m thinking of making a massive spreadsheet of all my clothes and shoes and stuff, so that I could see clearly what I own and not fall into that self-justifying trap of “Well I need seven new skirts…” but it sounds like it would be a lot of work and also maybe a little bit… too much? Has anyone done this and lived to tell the tale?
This is not exactly that, but have you seen You Don’t Need That Dress (dot tumblr dot com)? Anna committed to not buying any new clothes for a year, documenting what she wears and noting its sources, and wearing every piece of clothing at least once. Maybe a milder version of that–taking stock of what you DO wear and noting what you feel a lack of–would work for you?
I’m thinking of making a massive spreadsheet of all my clothes and shoes and stuff, so that I could see clearly what I own
I…obviously don’t own nearly enough clothes.
This is after I KonMari’s my way through my closet
I think the problem is more that my categories of clothes aren’t balanced – I only have one work-appropriate skirt, but lots of nice blouses/tops. My overall hope for the spreadsheet (if I end up making it) is that next time I’m at the mall and I feel like burning some money, I can steer myself toward a category where I could actually justify buying something.
Having done it myself when my health took a nosedive a few years ago and my body was rapidly re-forming, I can attest that three work-appropriate skirts can totally get you through several months provided you change it up enough with different combos of tights, footwear, and jackets/sweaters. Seriously, I wore the same three skirts for seven months. So you’re already a third of the way there!
I have just one pair of work-appropriate trousers. Your story is encouraging (although I think I should probably get at least one other pair).
That sounds like an A+++ justification for creative spreadsheeting, and I support it 100%.
Flea market / vintage clothing thing, you say? *furiously googles*
Also I thought about doing a spreadsheet thing like that some time ago, and then realized I’d spend tons to time putting it together and then never use it.
It’s called 613Flea Market and it will be at Lansdowne Park! There’s more info in the apt613.ca weekend roundup, which I would link you to but I’m not at my computer right now 🙁
In preparation for a move a couple years back, I would wear something, put it in the laundry, and then fold it and put it in a spare bedroom (or big box or whatever). That way, I would realize if I had insufficient X-Y-Z, or if there were items in my closet I simply wouldn’t wear even if I were nearly out of clothes. It’s a good way to see what you need and what you have enough of. So, no spreadsheet, but the same idea.
I tried to do the spreadsheet thing once and I started panicking realizing how much I owned. But I feel you! I keep coming home with black cotton dresses. I have about 6. I can only wear one of them to work. It’s getting ridiculous.
I have done this and I found it helpful and illuminating. I went a bit crazy with color-coding things by type and, well, color. It was lots of fun. But I’m a total nerd and love spreadsheets.
I’ve never considered the spreadsheet thing, but I did try picking out all my outfits for the (work) week on, say, Sunday, which made a HUGE difference in the range of what I wore out of my wardrobe, because I actually had time to look at pieces and play with different combos than I would normally grab while on autopilot in the morning. And I could, you know, iron/steam things that required that sort of thing so I’d actually wear them.
Any excuse for a new spreadsheeting adventure! I love spreadsheets. I love making them and manipulating them. Call me crazy. Or an enabler. I don’t care!
I got your card, by the way! I will try to send a reply sometime this weekend 🙂
Hi, I need some career advice!
I’m applying for a job in a pretty small industry (let’s call it balloon making, though it’s not). I have a small amount experience in that particular role, shipping and fulfillment, so that’s cool. I also know quite a lot about balloon making, but it’s not because I’ve personally ever worked as a balloon maker — it’s because my partner has been doing it for years, and I’ve learned a lot about it just by all the conversation we’ve had about it over the years. We have a great relationship, so he frequently comes to me to help him solve problems and think through things, and being me, I tend to ask a lot of questions about the big picture so I can help him come up with solutions.
Is this something I can reference in my cover letter without sounding ridiculous or unprofessional? If so, how?
(Yeah, I emailed Ask a Manger but she’s very busy, I’m worried that even if she does decide to answer it, it’ll be too late.)
Thanks, sweet Toasts. <3
I wouldn’t reference the partner bit in a cover letter – I would say you have contacts in the balloon making industry, it’s always been something you’re interested in, and emphasize your knowledge by talking about some trends in balloon making that show you really do know your stuff.
I don’t actually have an answer to your question, but I can commiserate! A lot of my family is in the same field, and I am just starting out in said field and I know a lots of things by way of family dinners/just growing up around the field, but it’s not really something I can cite or talk about without coming off as a bit obnoxious.
I really wouldn’t mention that, especially not your partner.
You could maybe say it’s been an interest for years?
Also: good luck!!
I think the way you mention it is really key. You don’t want it to look like either your partner blabs about his work a lot, or that you are somehow an expert without having done any work in it yourself. (I’m sure you DO know a lot about it, but think about it from the hiring perspective for a minute — helping someone talk through issues at work is definitely not the same thing as working in it yourself and having the deep knowledge that comes with that.) Don’t position yourself as super knowledgeable about the field, even if you believe it to be true — the hiring side likely will not.
Try something like ” although I don’t have any professional experience in balloon making, I have friends and family in the industry and I am familiar with the trends and big-picture issues of balloon making.”
Be my google monkeys. I’m madly browsing ravelery for cowl patterns. I want to make something with lace that looks Romanesque or art deco. Big soaring arches and alla that. I’m coming up short so far.
How about this one? http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/hedera-sm…
This one might suit? http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/song-of-t…
Maybe this could be changed to be a cowl instead of a poncho/skirt: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/den-m-nit…
Whew. I found a lot of candidates (although I cheated and added cables to the search list, because those can be very architectural). I won’t link because there are so many, but here’s a list:
Solstice cowl by Janel Laidman
Beloved Trees by tracy van wormer
Lace Turtleneck Cowl by The Knit Knot
Everett Cowl by Melissa LaBarre
Vault Cowl Collar aka Tierceron III by Jennifer Kirchenbauer
Arbor Long Cowl aka Tierceron 4 by Jennifer Kirchenbauer
Sublimity by Sivia Harding
I hope you like them!
Maybe the King’s College Cowl?
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/kings-col…
(I say this only because it might help when you’re using search terms: possibly Romanesque is not quite what you are looking for? Romanesque does have arches, but they’re rounded; they’re not usually what you think of when you hear “soaring.” That’s Gothic. Romanesque tends to give a more massive and horizontal impression.)
Empire State Cowl! I am starting it as soon as the Stupid Hot goes away. No lace, but sooo Deco. http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/empire-st…
I’ve been making drop stitch cowls frantically. Not lace, but man do I love a bulky yarn.
I made this once; it turned out very pretty: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/rivendell…
Temeraire fans! Would any of you be willing to assist me in brainstorming for a fic I’m trying to write?
It’s an AU of the first book. I’ve become somewhat obsessed with exploring what would happen if Temeraire did not speak to Laurence when he first hatched (my headcanon is that Temeraire was drawn to Laurence because he had the shiniest uniform–if events conspired to deprive him of captain’s jacket, what would have been the result?). Just think of it:
1. Laurence spent Temeraire’s infancy mourning the loss of society, opera, and his naval career. His brain shut down and he spent those several weeks in limbo. Take away this (understandable) self-involvement, and he’ll be free to worry about Temeraire’s development and education.
2. They’ll be separated once the Aerial Corps catches up to them at Funchal. Temeraire will have to develop independence and learn to advocate for himself.
3. When they do finally team up, it will be a conscious decision on both their parts.
Nnnn I want to read this so badly. I’m trying to write it, but getting bogged down in the middle part. I want Temeraire to manage some sort of working relationship with his captain (because while Dayes will eventually show himself to be garbage, he’s not only garbage), get to know some of the other dragons/captains…I don’t know, just–have some sort of life apart from Laurence.
Also, I have about 14k written so far, so I do have something you can read to see what it looks like. You can email me at the address I’ve put in the description of my intensedebate account, if you’re interested. Or let me know if there’s another way that works better–I’m not really up on interweb communication methods.
(Stupid IE keeps my comments short)
I…have no ideas at the moment but this sounds like a fic I would want to read! Please post a link in an open thread when you’ve finished it!
If I think of something I’ll let you know.
Toast: I am going to be on a panel at the Montana Book Festival called “Queer Women Writing the West’ and I’m very proud of my state right now and am also nervous to read. It’s all good/weird!
This sounds delightful, good luck!!
I’m proud of Montana and I’m proud of YOU!
That panel looks awesome! Why did I not know about the MT book festival until right now? I totally would have taken time off work and driven west to attend it.
That is SO COOL and you will be awesome, I’m sure of it.
YAY YAY YAY
Please tell me someone else has played Dragon Age: Trespasser and wants to chat about it. I have soooo many things to say. Vague but nonetheless lightly spoilerish rantings after the eluvian.
– Soooo much fanservice at the beginning. Blackwall romance stuff was so very sweet, but then I youtubed the Sera romance and it made me tear up a little. Also, a non-romanced Sera is dating [redacted]?? (I am saving my Cullen romance for the second run-through of Trespasser and I am…looking forward to it).
– So much Adoribull!
– Conversely, I am so happy I didn’t sacrifice the Chargers, aahahahaa.
– New armor new armor new armor!
– They’ve refined the combat in some really interesting ways? All ability upgrades are forked between two toggles now. I like it.
– Christ the music in the DLC is really amazing. Maybe the best in the series so far.
– Solas you fucking bastard. …I am so romancing you next time I start DA:I.
– Epilogue cards made me cry again, god damn it.
– Do NOT skip or mute the credits, whatever you do.
In conclusion, why is Dragon Age 4 not here right now. Also I have changed my icon to disgusted Cassandra. DLC grade: A plus plus plus plus plus
Uuuugh, I really need to just buck up and buy DAI for the PC (I have it for the 360) and play this. My computer needs a new video card first though…
Worth it! I think graphics card prices are not too bad these days? The $250 AMD R9 270x which I got last year for Inq is down to $150 or so, I think, for instance. I’m just gonna sit here hoping it runs Fallout 4 and ME:Andromeda, whee…
Oh sweet Maker. I still have so far to go! Although someone on Tumblr did not tag their spoiler and now I’m rethinking my quizzie so I don’t get my heart broken. Dammit.
Who did you end up romancing, then? Go with Dorian, or get tempted by Bull?
I started down the road for Dorian, but I’m hearing whispers that it ends sadly. (I DON’T WANT TO KNOW LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU). I don’t want to put another 50 hours in and end up a bawling mess, when I could just make a nice, pretty Lavellan and enjoy all that Cullen has to offer.
I’ll just say that, from what I’ve seen, it’s no Cullen romance, but it’s also nowhere near the depths of sadness of Solas (or, gasp, Qun-Bull).
If you want pure happiness, though, Cullen is 100% your man. I mean, shit.
it’s all I want to talk about and no one I know in real life has even heard of it and I’m DYING. CASSANDRAAAA <3 <3 <3
All I know is…I am playing the SHIT out of this! (Again!)
Some of the character resolutions made me so happy. Varric in particular ended up in exactly the right place. I’m really hoping that Dorian is a character in DA4, too.
MEGAAAA SPOIIIIILEEERRRRSSSSSSSSS:
What did you end up doing with the Inquisition? I ended up disbanding to solve the damn Solas problem on my own (which felt so badass). And from the epilogue slides, my qunquisitor attached a crossbow to her arm and went off to be a Red Jenny, alternating with her time at her Kirkwall estate and helping Blackwall redeem the wretched. So basically, she formed a merry band of Social Justice Warriors and wandered Thedas. Best ending ever.
END MEGGAAA SPOIIIILEEERSSSSSSSSS
SPOILERSSS:
I disbanded it as well, because dropping the book is so badass and Solas is Going Down. You will be taken down by the ants you refuse to step on dude, never doubt it.
I am imagining my Maker Loving inquisitor having some Serious Discussions with Leliana about being Chosen and then dropped. But also being ‘uhhh….of COURSE the elven gods aren’t gods! Have you even, like, read the chant, Solas? Duh!’
I was super surprised that my inquisitor didn’t die! I really thought she would, on account that she and Solas were Not Friends At All (I enjoyed the ‘not really, no.’ answer to Solas’ ‘I expect you have questions.’ She’s so done, and he’s so appalled, but he has to tell her anyway.) Also this inquisitor drank from the well of sorrows and…it came up like once? idk what happens at the Fen’Harel Refuge For Elven God Slaves if you didn’t drink from it. Do the ghost elves attack you, maybe?
Viscount Varric is so great. And Hawke can go home! And be happy! (Unless she died in the fade and Varric gave the inquisitor her house.)
I missed out on the red jenny slide ’cause Sera did not enjoy being told how great the maker is for a whole game and said my inquisitor was a shit. Peasants! What can you do?
I’m so excited for TEVINTER!
SPOIILLLERSSSSSSSS
Teviiiinteeeeeeerrrr! Maevaris for companion and love interest, plz! Solas for villain!
Oh man, I had no idea that the elves DON’T attack you when you drink from the Well – you do indeed have to fight them! There was lots of fun reactivity for your choices in this DLC. I’m reeaallllllyyy looking forward to bringing Qun-Bull along next time, ahaha. Also, I hear that the Crossroads looks different if you’re an elf? Gotta play agaaaaaaaain.
Besides the Solas TL;DR response, I also found this amazing glitch (“that’s IT?…oh”): http://bluebudgie.tumblr.com/post/128794822397/ok…
the glow elves help you out if you drink from the well, they fight the qunari! idk if it’s different if you’re an elf, but I played as trevelyan and it’s really funny, you pick ‘listen to the well of sorrows’ and she says ‘[something in elvish]….I….guess?’ like she has no clue what she said and they’re like ‘seems legit, you’re in.’
Can’t decide if I’m gonna finish my Trilogy of Tragedy dragon age characters with a Solas romanced Lavellan or romance Iron Bull with the Nicest Qunari in Thedas. Which is MOST TRAGIC, I can’t decide….
Oh my god I am still SO EMOTIONAL over this and it’s been days! Like a fool I romanced Solas and the ending legit made me cry. And then Cassandra made me cry laughing, so amazing. I need DA4 sooo bad.
Oh man, I NEED to romance Solas now. Even without that connection, though, that last conversation gave me actual chills. The utterly gorgeous music didn’t hurt, either. It’s a hell of a conclusion, and up there as one of the best moments in the entire series. It honestly makes me like DA:I even more than I did before. Patrick Weekes (who did Solas and the plot of this DLC and is now head writer) is gonna do a good job with the next game. (Please tell me you’re gonna keep making these, BioWare.)
Oh my gosh I know the music was AMAZING! I agree that DA:I is much improved now, in so many ways. It felt unfinished before, and while I feel like there’s still so far for the story to go (Wolf Hunt!) it was still super satisfying. I kinda want to play my Inquisitor in DA4, even though I know that’s very unlikely…
I highly recommend the Solas romance if you enjoy tragedy! It’s really well-written. I loooove me some Weekes. I can’t imagine they WON’T do more Dragon Age, it’s just a matter of when at this point– Inquisition was Bioware’s best selling game ever. Either way, we have to wait 3-4 years, probably… sob.
Oh man, yeah, this DLC made me want to keep playing my Inquisitor for the next game. It honestly may have made him/her my favorite of the three protagonists. I suspect they may come back in some form, though?
I looooooooove me some tragedy and awful boyfriends. Speaking of which, I just found this awesome image on tumblr (source) which explains the source of DA romance awesomeness:
Wow, that is…. wayyyy too accurate, ahahaha. Amazing.
My theory of the moment is that the Inquisitor will be an advisor to the next protagonist. Whether you disband the Inquisition or not, you’re hunting Solas, and say something at the end like ‘we need to find people Solas doesn’t know about.’ SO my guess it that DA4 protag will be the leader of super-special Solas hunters assembled by the Inquisitor in Tevinter. Also, the Inqusitor will have a badass class-specific prosthetic.
Haha, oh man, I just found this video, which I’m pretty sure is what happens if you never talked to Solas in the main game:
(Spoilers for the end of Trespasser!) http://vespidaequeen.tumblr.com/post/128807021584….
“I suspect you have questions…” “TL;DR!”
Hahahhaa oh my god, that’s priceless. I’ve heard the Solas-Hates-You route is pretty interesting/funny but I don’t know if I could bring myself to do it, he’s such a great character!
I picked that! I didn’t know it was a special option, that’s awesome. 😀 It’s not like I NEVER talked to him, but he did not like what I had to say, and I never got a personal quest for him.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh trespasser destroyed my soul and I may never get it back.
So I never triggered Bull’s personal quest with my first playthrough and BOY HOWDY am I regretting that now. I was devastated for like SIX HOURS which really seems excessive for a video game. I didn’t realize how invested I was until it happened and it still hurts when I think about it.
Also Bioware Edmonton has a posting for an assistant writer and I’m happy with my job but this is like… my dream job so I’m going to try and write something to submit. IDK. It’s a scary but super-exciting thought.
Ahhh you should totally apply! I would in a heartbeat if I had a Canadian work visa. Dream job for sure.
saaaamme. (writing video game stories is literally what I wanted to do when I grew up, and was told ‘angelan….that’s…that’s not a thing.’ SIGH.)
What are your guilty pleasures when it comes to clothes?
I am late to the jeggings party, yes, but you can pry them off my cold dead legs. This is a serious affair, all.
Things that look like real clothes but are actually sweats. Like, I have this great black thing that is somewhere between a blazer and a cardigan? Not structured like a blazer, but cut mostly like one. It has this great gathered detail on the back, super cute, totally have worn this to conferences and such when I want to look professional, and the inside is fleece.
I just bought something similar and now I want all of them.
I just bought two pairs of work pants from Torrid that are basically sweats and I’m in love.
I have just the thing for you:
I feel like such a sucker buying these things but they really are the best. And they’re almost all cotton, which is becoming harder and harder to find these days.
I love it when I can pass off workout clothes as office wear. One of my colleagues yesterday told me I looked really “professional”; little did they know my sweater was some kind of wrap top made for yoga.
I am disguising the fact that I am wearing an actual t-shirt to work with a strategically buttoned cardigan.
I am all for the yoga clothes as real clothes revolution. It’s comfy, cute, and actually built for mobility. I see nothing wrong with this.
I just bought a pair of Joe Fresh exercise capris that just… look like regular capris! They are snug and comfy and ideal under tunic-length tops and I am having a really really really hard time not wearing them ALL THE TIME.
might you have a link to them? I have recently started down the slippery slope of wearing leggings/capris pretty much whenever I can get away with it (and sometimes when I can’t…) and those sound AMAZING.
I am buying another pair tomorrow if y’all leave me some!!
https://www.joefresh.com/us/Categories/Women/Yoga-Activewear/Contrast-Waistband-Active-Legging/p/WS5A450143_001
Yessss! Thank you!
I just bought a pair of yoga dress pants from Betabrand – a little expensive but SO COMFORTABLE and I’m fighting the urge to spend all my money on like 10 more pairs.
Gotta say, I get so much satisfaction from knowing that on the outside I look like a real, adult, professional person while internally reveling in the fact that I’m basically wearing yoga pants/pajamas.
short skirts that would normally make me feel all self-conscious about whether my underwear’s showing, but over leggings so I can just sprawl all over the place yesssss
I love this so hard.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS those super tight ones that hug your butt and end at the very top of your thighs just past the curve of your ass? My favorite for wearing and, erm, appreciating on other people.
yessss exactly. I also have a couple skirts that used to fit like normal skirts and now fit like super tight super short skirts due to increasing butt size, and I like that I can still enjoy them, thanks opaque leggings!
I do this and love this (but usually with black athletic shorts instead of leggings). Also a creepy old man was trying to look up my skirt when I was climbing the subway stairs the other day, and I was like, HAHA, I HAVE SHORTS ON UNDERNEATH, YOU LOSE.
Striped shirts. I have so, so, so many, but I keep buying them!!! Why???
…because they’re rad and you love them?? 🙂
They ARE rad! The worst part is that I’ve convinced myself that each shirt is like, subtly different and will transmit a whole different message with my ~look~.
I have approximately 9000 dark-colored knee-length print dresses and yet when I am in a store I will gravitate toward that exact rack of clothes and not see anything else.
tank tops and leggings, all the way
I don’t care that the Mid-Atlantic is unseasonably cool today (in a lovely way)
Tank tops and leggings = Summer
Tank tops and leggings and a jacket = Autumn
Jackets are MAGICAL FASHION ELEMENTS
YOU’RE BRILLIANT
This isn’t a guilty pleasure, more of an acknowledgement that I am a very conservative dresser, but every time I see a blouse that ties with a bow in the front I WILL HAVE IT.
Oh man me too.
Oh I saw the AWESOMEST one recently, but it was $400 🙁
Mmmm. No such thing as a guilty pleasure for me! I sometimes look like a background extra for the Lost Boys movie, which some people might think is not a good thing but fuck them I think I look fantastic.
You could never be a background extra for anything because you would steal the scene <3
I’m really hoping this means you dress like Star when she’s watching oily sax man and clapping delightedly.
Star is 100% my Hair Goals Queen. I lean more toward torn knits and leather, though. Fewer camisoles and definitely no broomstick skirts.
That’s because you do, so, see, all’s well!
I own an awful lot of sequined garments, for someone who isn’t Vanna White.
you can never own too many sequined garments
seconded! And a good reminder that I need to take my favorite pair of pink sequined shoes to the cobbler…
MY SISTER!
I own probably 30 sequinned pieces. It gained momentum as people started buying them for me.
My wedding dress is currently being made… WITH SEQUINS. 100% sequinned fabric from boobs to the end of my hopefully egregiously long train.
Leggings. God I love leggings. I am definitively of a size where wearing leggings as pants is not good, but fuck it ITS SO COMFY.
After getting used to leggings, jeans are just sooo restrictive!
(Also a-line dresses. Its the only kind of dress I can wear)
(Also also, converse. For once in my life I actually have two pairs, and yet I cannot stop shopping for them)
Leggings as pants is a-ok for any person of any size.
I am convinced that leggings are the clothing item I will latch on to and wear the rest of my life, regardless of current fashion. And I am totally down with that.
Seconded. They’re far, far too comfortable to give up.
I was so against them for so long. I’m all for body confidence, but I don’t need to see what under wear my fellow human are (or are not) wearing. But then I tried them and daaaaaaaaamn.
Never going back.
agreed! i’ve never understood the adamantly-against-leggings argument. saying they’re not pants is a semantic argument, fine, let’s agree that i’m not wearing pants, case closed, i gotta go.
Yes! So I don’t wear “pants” outside? So my life is more free and liberated and generally wonderful? Uhhh, ok. You keep your “pants.”
Pfft, not wearing pants outside ever? Life goal achieved!
can the general category of “stitchfix” be a clothes guilty pleasure? I mean I do have a pair of skinny jeans and one of jeggings through StitchFix so does that count?
Brightly printed 1950s style (or actual vintage 1950s) circle skirts. The main problems are that they get expensive, and I really shouldn’t be wearing a skirt with, say, pink elephants on it to work, since I work with young people. It could set a bad example/be somewhat infantilizing.
or it sets the awesome example that it’s badass to wear what you want and be who you are, maybe?
Normally I’d agree with you, but young-looking women have enough trouble establishing authority in higher ed. (cf: #ilooklikeaprofessor), and I try to avoid doing things that undermine my authority before I open my mouth.
Yeah that’s 100% true. I’m scared to death to get any visible tattoos (even though I have ideas for half-sleeves that I want very badly) because of that same fear of judgment.
I was just thinking how much I’d love working with someone who wears pink elephant skirts. 🙂
Hehe come to think of it, I’d also love to see more silly skirts in the halls!! Certainly I get compliments on them, especially in the summer (when there are few students around). They are also very comfy in warm weather. I think I’ll save the goofy ones for non-teaching days, and stick with the solids and more predictable prints for when I’m in the classroom. I want the students to pay attention to what I’m saying, not what I’m wearing.
(Totally hear you about the tattoos, btw. All of mine are in places that are easily covered by a 1-piece bathing suit.)
oh god I just bought another one, with Mexico City’s landmarks painted on the border. Stop me before I do it again!
What about the opposite of leggings, what I call Comfy Pants ? I have a pair of loose, drawstring jersey pants that elastic at the ankles. They are so comfy and I love them but how do I wear them without looking like i am in pajamas? My main look is skinny pants+big shirt and I think big pants+big shirt doesn’t work. But I don’t own/want to buy tight shirts but I also want to look cool in my Comfy Pants. Last week I figured out Comfy Pants+ gray t shirt + Statement necklace, but I don’t always want to wear necklaces! I guess I just wear the necklaces if I want to look cool but feel like Im in pjs.
What about earrings? Like, some statement earrings or something? I have similar pants that I LOVE because like you said, super comfy and also they have huge pockets and also also they have this super loud print that makes me smile but so the only way I’ve found to wear them out of the house is with a fitted racer-back tank top*, big earrings, and sandals.
*Aside from the pants, my guilty-pleasure clothing is this one style of long, fitted, racer-back tanks from Gap Fitness. They’re mostly cotton, surprisingly flattering, comfy for actual athletic use and can be dressed up enough to make a fine casual clothing option. I buy a couple whenever they go on sale because I’m know they’ll disappear from the store one day and I don’t want to run out.
Maybe pairing them with some standout makeup? I’ll sometimes pair an outfit that’s pretty casual with some bright lipstick (usually red!) and the makeup really makes it looks like you put in effort and suddenly you’re working A Look.
I really do have a ridiculous number of pairs of combat boots.
They never wear out, either!
My Doc Martins just turned ten this week. They’re still wearing remarkably well, but I’ll need to get them resoled for the winter.
I have a pair from 1996 that is still going strong. I mostly use them as snow boots now.
Your favorite brand? The Burgomaster has been shopping for a new pair. The Corcorans he bought when his Double H boots died are too stiff and hurt his delicate feets.
Anyone have suggestions for places that sell leggings for short, plumpish people? I’m 5’2″, and leggings in stores are always too long for me. 🙁
(I have *one* pair that fits perfectly, but I sadly can’t remember where I bought them).
My little sister buys capri leggings. On her, they are perfect as full length. (She’s a shorty.)
I find ebay excellent for specific filtering for stuff like that.
I am also short and plumpish and I’ve had pretty good luck withthese
Price isn’t terrible, they’re comfy, fabric is fairly sturdy – not at all sheer, blessedly. My one beef with them is that there are seams at the inner thigh and that’s a…stress point…for all of my pants, and I tend to get holes in those seams after 6 months – a year (depending on how often I’m washing/wearing them). Even so, they’re still the best mostly-cotton, non-athletic material leggings I’ve found for my particular shape.
“that’s a…stress point…for all of my pants”
I hear ya! (I have so many favorite pairs of pants I’ve had to get rid of, because they wear out in the thighs and I can’t fix them. SO MANY)
Thanks, everybody!! 🙂
I have been hovering at the door to the jeggings party, not quite ready to go in, but now I’m thinking maybe it’s time …
Pro tip: go to CVS and buy a pair of No Nonsense jeggings. They’ll be like $10 and it will change your LIFE.
Grey hoodies in the mode of Hyperbole and a Half’s depression comic. But without the crushing depression (also, without a bra).
Pajama pants. I change into them at friends’ houses when we’re all just hanging out. I’ve been known to loan them out to friends who come to my house in an all-out (and usually successful) effort to drag everyone down to my comfortable, soft level.
Toasts! My boyfriend and I decided to get married! I now have to pretend I’m doing my job instead of sitting at my desk googling cool national park locations to have a ceremony. Aaaaaaaah! That’s all.
OMG OMG OMG OMG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
Congratulations! So many sweeping vistas to consider now!
congrats!!
yay congrats!! Have fun looking at lovely park photos!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Yay, congrats!!
ooof, friends, today I got a boredom so bad that it is making me physically ill
I have been between projects that I was motivated to work on (i.e., castigated myself into finally finishing) and now even though I have a couple things to do, I can’t decide which to pick up and am instead lying around at work in a puddle of malaise
(I am also not doing my work-work, but that is…not uncommon)
oh noooooo
I have sometimes managed to break that kind of boredom by actually doing absolutely nothing for a while. This is harder at work, obviously, but just sitting and staring into space. Sometimes it convinces me that anything would be better than this, and sometimes it really is exactly what I needed.
yeah, I guess today I am going to practice drawing by doing character designs for the pitch that Nickelodeon just rejected
Alright team, here’s a question:
If what I’m reading is right, the US has committed to taking in 10k refugees next year. If one were, for some reason, in possession of an empty, up to fire code, three bedroom house, how would one go about offering to house a family?
Are there opportunities for people to even say, “Hi, yes, please, I would like to help support and house a family of refugees,” or will the government just be putting everyone… somewhere?
Do we know yet how this will work, and how/if we can help?
My first suggestion would be to get in contact with a local group that does work in sponsoring or assisting refugees. A Welcome committee, or an international solidarity group. A lot of Christian groups do such work too; I’ve got the Quakers in mind.
The Quakers do a lot, and so does Catholic Social Services. I’d make yourself known to both groups.
It depends a lot on the circumstances, because refugees have the right to work, so some families will arrive and actually be okay. Refugees also qualify for government assistance, so hopefully efforts will be coordinated to get them housing. It’s still worth checking with local groups, but — because this is my pet cause — it’s also worth asking local groups about asylum seekers, who haven’t yet been granted refugee status. They aren’t allowed to work for a long time, and have no recourse to any government assistance, so many of them wind up homeless or living in non-government shelters, or with strangers. TL;DR: I would also ask about asylum seekers, because there might be a family who is in your town at this moment who could use the help.
Checking for local activity through the International Rescue Committee (rescue.org) might be a good starting point.
Lutheran Social Services is one of the organizations that deals with a significant amount of resettlement across a broad geographic range.
Hi guys! I’m a whole two days out from my Strongwoman meet, and I’d like to ask those of you who have not donated yet to consider donating to Susie’s Cause via my fundraising page. Susie’s Cause is a Bmore-area foundation that supports colon cancer research.
Many, many thanks to all of you who have, as well as many, many thanks to The Toast for including it on a Link Roundup! With all of your help, I’ve been able to raise 3x more money than I ever expected to.
To entice you all, here is the most badass picture of me to date, practicing the truck pull for Sunday.
don’t let that picture fool you, other people who might be reading this, even though that SEEMS like a bread truck apparently there is no bread in it
shhhhhhhhh
People must know the truth!
I also want to add that pulling a truck is surprisingly easy, especially if you sit down. (The truck pull is going to be a standing pull to make it more difficult for everyone!)
I almost think that Big Truck conspires to keep this truth hidden from the rest of us, lest we go around pulling trucks willy nilly.
Thank you so much for your donation, gingkotree!
I am honest to dog fighting tears at my desk right now because you are so awesome. POWERFUL WOMEN MAKE ME EMOTIONAL Y’ALL
I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO VOTE FOR THIS IMAGE ON OFFICIAL TOAST MERCHANDISE, PLEASE AND THANK YOU
(also I wish I had money to donate, but good luck! I look forward to hearing about how your meet goes)
Toasts, I was all stoked today on the drive into work about how I was going to march into my boss’s office and say that I need a raise and for him to get over his pathological aversion to flexibility because dammit, I’m a month away from fatherhood and I refuse to fall into his complementarian trap. (This is the boss who guilted me yesterday for asking for three weeks paternity leave, despite the fact that a) I specifically didn’t take any vacation this year and b) I’m his goddamn CFO and have been here eight years and three weeks is not a lot to ask goddammit, because “Don’t women normally take leave? Whoa, why are you getting so defensive?”)
Then I saw this article and my resolve was hardened, because I know for a fact that if I am not the father I want to be then it will overshadow every other regret I ever have in my life. So I girded my loins and I walked into the office…
…and before I could say anything he immediately started talking about how he needs me to figure out how we can slash costs because everyone always gets exactly what they want from him and we pay our employees too much and everyone is against him.
Now I want to just go home and have a good cry, but I can’t because I have to pay people today, and I can’t just close my office door and cry because I work in construction and that would not go well for me. Can I get a happy thought or two to get me through to five o’clock?
Imagine sharing this with him?
That does help! I will also imagine you pulling an H&S truck out to the west side and blocking in his car with it.
OMG that’s right, you’re in Charm City too. Well, these trucks are surprisingly easy to pull, just let me know when and where. I got some other strong friends who can help.
Do you think he launched into that “slashing costs” rant because he knew you were going to raise this subject with him?
He does know it’s overdue, so I’m not hugely surprised. Honestly, I should have known better than to plan this conversation for a Friday. Paydays are stressful in a company with chronic cash-flow issues.
Whoa. I’m in my last few days at a construction law firm, and your boos is a Typical Boss for the industry. Remember – those vacation days are not a gift or bonus to you – they are part of your compensation package. Side advice – talk to him more and see if you can figure out what triggered the “everyone’s using me/out to get me” thing. If it’s business related, you may be able to help with the root cause. If it’s personal, that’s trickier.
I am sending him a sneer and you a cheer and you and your partner (jointly) good vibes and wishes.
Okay. So he told me that two other employees were getting raises and I saw red and accused him of intentionally shutting me down, because I am not actually as professional as I like to pretend I am. HA HA WHOOPS. He said it was unintentional and he was happy to talk about it, but I told him I wasn’t in a good place for it and needed to wait until next week (which means Wednesday because he’s out for Rosh Hashanah). So. My conversation will not be able to take the same route I had envisioned, I guess, but at least it will happen.
Thank you for having my back, Toastpersons. The last month has been the worst of my life and I might possibly have not handled this whole ridiculous situation with the grace and courtesy I generally strive for. But it looks like next week I will probably take at least a small step closer to actually being paid my market value. Whether I can convince him that extremely basic flexibility in scheduling is also important is a secondary question, because he’s the kind of boss who pretty much thinks all employee problems are solved by throwing money at them until morale happens (and is personally insulted by the fact that morale doesn’t work that way). But it’s a starting point.
Well, this is just a tiny bit of advice, but it helps me A LOT with a particularly difficult work situation: butter him up a bit. Greet him with a smile, bring him some food, show him a picture of your pregnant wife, ask for his advice on being a new dad, etc. Not only does it makes him more kindly disposed to you, it helps you feel in control of the situation, because you are the one setting the tone. My natural emotional response to office difficulties is either grim stoicism or abject apology, but I find that this strategy helps me retain some of my ability to communicate and negotiate like a normal person.
well that sounds like him being a lot more reasonable than I woulda expected, I woulda gone straight from that first conversation to spending the day trawling Idealist
It sounds like he’s kinda floundering (what with the bitching about pay oh-but-I-didn’t-mean-you and the desperately clinging to a regime) so approached the right way he might really appreciate some help on getting things to go a little smoother in the workplace. Maybe get together with some the boss and some coworkers and workshop out a schedule (or way of managing the schedule, or whatever) that works out for all of you? Make it at least halfway his idea kinda thing.
UGH ALLERGIES. Also filed under mild irritants: MENSTRUAL CYCLE. As in, mine has decided to shorten itself to about 24 days. Does my body not know how costly it is to keep myself in non-irritating “feminine hygiene” products? Blarf.
HOWEVER it’s pretty much entirely autumn here in my city, so that’s my source of intense happiness for today! That means Hallowe’en costume planning time is upon us.
Do you know what you’ll be yet? I’m so excited to see pictures of all your amazing Hallowe’en get-ups!
I feel ya on the short cycle. I’ve finally (though about two years of various therapies) managed to get my 21-day cycle up to 24-25 days. If you notice your bleeding getting heavier, or the presence of more clots, etc., get an ultrasound to check for fibroids I’m Just Saying.
Every year I think about being Ursula the Sea Witch, and every year I wait until October 29th and Ricky’s is completely out of lavender body paint.
This year, I want my roommate and I to be Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber.
OMG YAY! Do it!
I am just gonna cave and finally wear the costume I’ve kept rejecting for being too obscure and be Janet from Tam Lin. (Joann has black roses with orange glitter! How could I turn down a chance to buy a ton of those?) Fortunately I work at a library so I will have all day to foist Pamela Dean’s novel at everyone. 😀
I am considering being either the Phantom (because I love the Phantom) or a brain-slug victim (because it is an extremely low-effort costume). Love versus laziness! Who will win!
Toast, I have just reached a point where I am just… done coddling family members in their ignorant/intolerant worldviews. What do you do when you reach peak Done-ness? How do you find the patience to listen to them when they tell you that either you or people you care about do not deserve even the most basic respect?
My tactic is to find a good all-purpose response and stick with it. My current favorite is “Just because it’s not a problem for you, personally, doesn’t mean it’s not a problem. Anyway, when did the <family pet> get so chubby? Too many treats, eh?” You can’t change someone’s entire worldview, and the emotional labor of trying will exhaust you. The best you can do, imho, is be a solid example of non-ignorant non-intolerance.
You know what? That is a really good strategy. Because for the past year or so I’ve been on the “I will help you see the light” plan and that isn’t working so well, and I’m starting to burn out.
Thank you for freeing up this corner of my brain.
I do not know but I salute you. (Okay, I do know, I’ve stopped going to large family gatherings where I know the offensive types will be present. I’m lucky that the worst ones are distant enough that I can get away with that.)
i don’t really listen to them anymore. i don’t have that many family members with wildly different opinions, but i’ve found it doesn’t help anyone when i give audience to someone i disagree with. what i will do is laugh sometimes, or reply with a wrap-up sort of comment and change the subject. “… well then! anyway, are these your famous chocolate chip cookies?”
decide to take their raving about the world personally and tell them to go fuck themselves? This assumes you don’t actually live with them, but either the person yelling about stoning the gays or whatever realizes they’re taking about real people not Fascinating Talking Points and shuts the hell up or they’re assholes who know damn well they’re personally attacking you and your people at which point they can go fuck themselves.
I mean that don’t sound like it’s a minor ‘i’m backing a different presidential candidate/we have varying opinions about the situation in China’ thing, they’re talking shit about you, basically, to your face.
Popping into Open Thread for a moment to say that some of us just started a 30 day yoga thing over at Toastie Twitter and if you are into yoga or just mutual fitness accountability, you should join us! #toast30daysofyoga
Can we have a HANNIBAL THREAD because I am still not over this show and probably never will be.
That last episode. (It still pains me to acknowledge that it was the last episode and I will never forgive NBC for taking it from me.) Whenever I think about it I’m just
BEDELIA. That last shot was just unnecessary, but also I’ve been thinking about it so much and I kind of like its bleak open-endedness?
Three place settings tho!
YES PLZ. The ending was SO GOOD though that I haven’t entered a mourning period yet. Maybe in a few months when I realize there’s no 4th season to anxiously await.
But it was SO GOOD. Siouxsie and tandem murder and bloody cuddles and three place settings at Bedelia’s table! (Also smug satisfaction because I saw that cliff and the Sherlockian in me sat up straight and I called it.)
I demand a Freddie Lounds spinoff.
I’m just so happy Alana got her happy ending (WITH MARGOT 😀 😀 😀 ) and they and their little guy are all alive and well. Who cares if they had to leave the country; they’ve got money.
Not sure if it’s canon or not, but is there a reason they kept Chilton alive? I know that in the book it’s Freddie who gets burned alive, but doesn’t he die? That’s just needlessly cruel and I found it ironic that in the final episode they finally put an image up that I had to turn away from.
Yes, though, I miss it terribly. I’m with you on that. Cheers.
They had finished filming the season before the show was canceled, so he must have had a role to play in season 4. I didn’t think I would sympathize that much with Chilton, but I was so upset at what happened to him – I actually yelled “HASN’T HE SUFFERED ENOUGH” at my screen.
Bryan Fuller said he did have plans for Chilton for season 4! Raul Esparza is so wonderful that he made a character who should have been a buffoon and a cockroach into a cockroach buffoon you were actively rooting for. I’m going to miss him.
My best friend was supposed to visit this past weekend but she got sick and now it’s going to be a whole year before I can see her again! I miss her. 🙁
It was especially sad because we were supposed to go to the Minnesota State Fair together, which is one of my favorite things in the world to do and I was so excited to share it with her, but I did go by myself (as usual) and had a predictably wonderful time anyway. I shared it with her and all my internet friends via Twitter instead, which was great. Here’s a picture I took of some newborn piglets snuggling:
So many other little things going on, too – my first eShakti dress arrived yesterday, and it appears I gave them the right measurements, yay! I also sprained my foot a couple weeks ago and got it x-rayed just to be sure, so now I have some cool x-rays of my foot, and in the process discovered that actually I have pretty textbook stage 2 bunions. As I had been under the impression that a) there was nothing at all unusual about my feet, and that b) bunions were a skin thing like corns, not a structural deformity of the foot, the reading I have done since has been very educational! My feet being more horribly sore and torn up than most people’s at the end of a long day of walking is less of a mystery now, for one.
Oh! If they are the ones that got born AT THE FAIR then you were probably right by my friends and their boys! They were very excitedly live-Facebooking the older boy’s reaction to the “miracle of birth” balancing out with his reaction to brand-new piglings. 😀
I think there are actually several litters of piglets born in the Miracle of Birth building every year, but it’s possible! Best thing at the fair, IMO.
Which dress did you order? That site is so fab. I’ve loved everything I’ve ever ordered from there.
This one! I got it with cap sleeves. I wanted to wait to see how the fit was before ordering anything else, but now that it’s here I am going to buy allll the things. (Or I would, if funds allowed.)
Looks so fun to twirl in! That’s pretty much the most important feature in a dress.
OMFG LOOKIT THE TEENSY PIGGIES
Also, what are your favourite incremental games? I’ve been playing the kittens game for the past couple of weeks but I’m at that stage where it will take me ages to gather the resources I need, so I want to start something new to tide me over. (I’ve played A Dark Room but wasn’t a fan.)
I am incremental games OBSESSSSSED and if anyone ever pays good attention to my Internet usage at work that is probably what I’ll be fired for (having like 50 of them open at once)
Try Prosperity http://prosperity.ga/
or Realm Grinder http://www.kongregate.com/games/divinegames/realm…
or Crusaders of the Lost Idol http://www.kongregate.com/games/Codename_Enter/cr…
I just started Prosperity and I think you have ruined my productivity for the afternoon.
you’re welcome! <3
I started Prosperity last night around 10 or 10:30 on the strength of this recommendation and played for 4.5 hours straight. And now I’m back awake and playing it again.
One incremental game I loved years ago is Bunni Island/”Bunni: How we first met,” which has adorable little animations to go along with the gradual accumulation of wealth and resources and workers who do your every bidding.
How would you go about preemptively establishing good relations with someone you strongly disagree with?
So I live in DC, work for a liberal nonprofit, toast-reading feminist, etc. I’m moving into an house that has two apartments, one upstairs and one downstairs. The two apartments share an entryway, patio, and mailbox (it’s more like a mail slot?). I’ve met the neighbors and they seem like perfectly pleasant people, but they are very conservative. The dude mentioned where he works, and it’s a prominent adversary of the organization I work for. I haven’t told him about my own work, but he’s sure to find out soon, presumably around the time my first pay stub shows up in the mail.
It’s not like I don’t know how to talk to people with different opinions, but I don’t have much experience living cheek-by-jowl with somebody who’s so directly at odds. My family doesn’t really have that obnoxious uncle who starts an argument at every family function. I want to have a friendly relationship with the neighbors, and they seem to expect the same thing. At the very least I want to hang out on that patio without worrying about awkward encounters. I just don’t really know what ground rules I should have.
In terms of getting along with neighbors, especially ones you didn’t choose and need friendly relations with, I’d say just try like hell to not talk about anything work or politics related. If they bring it up, could you just say something like “oh, I really don’t like talking about work or politics off the clock, since we all do that all day, hey, do you want some guacamole I just hand crafted?” You don’t have to be friends, just patio-sharers. I’d just walk away from conversations you don’t want to have or redirect if possible. Maybe you have other things in common, like watching The Walking Dead or running 5ks or a mutual-hated neighbor. Or mutually hating the metro.
Yeah, conflict avoidance is my middle name (which is why I’m worrying about it in the first place) so aggressive subject-changing is right up my alley. I like the mutually-hated neighbor idea.
I had an apartment-mate in college that I was pretty much complete opposites with and we had nothing in common and opposing political beliefs BUT we had two other food-stealing, money mooching freeloader roommates who were awful in so many basic human ways that the two of us got along great. So, mutual enemies can be a great thing. Or finding something in common so you can still enjoy your common space but I see nothing wrong in conflict avoidance in this scenario, you aren’t marrying them/him.
Hatred of a third party *always* brings people together. It’s science!
(Like when I made some great friends at a terrible, horrible job several years ago).
I like this – “Ha, they don’t pay me enough to talk about work after 5 p.m., amirite?!”
I shared an office for two years with someone at a pretty opposite end of the political spectrum than me and we only had one awkwardly too emotional discussion about something that whole time period. He even told me that he learned more from me than anyone else he’s even known at the end of it. I realize your situation may be more intense, but I think it will be fine! I just was patient with him, open to discussing thing but never hostile. I didn’t take his opinions personally, and we had pretty good political conversations. (I know its hard not to take things personally… but that was how I was able to get through it). Heck I even know a liberal someone who dated someone from the Heritage Foundation for a few years (although I always wondering how that worked).
Sounds like you might just want to deflect political convo, “sorry its been a long week! I am trying to leave my work at the office,” or just be blunt, “lets keep things neighborly here”
Good luck!
Hi, I’m in DC, and I think while people here tend to be more polarized (example: when being set up with someone by a friend, it’s not uncommon to be asked “Are you an R or a D? And are you ok dating across the aisle?”), they are also more used to socializing with people with strong political opinions that differ from their own.
I’m definitely very liberal, and I’ve gone out with groups of folks and had some fun happy hours with people who work for think tanks (or even cable news stations) that are notoriously very conservative (*cough* Heritage *cough*), and still had a great time. There’s an occasional asshole, but I think most people can keep the conversation away from polarizing topics, or are at least able to debate the issues without throwing emotion into it.
So I would just develop a relationship on other topics like the weather, good restaurants in the neighborhood, etc (and if they keep bringing up something political or polarizing, just change the subject and say you don’t want to think about work right now), and you should be able to go from there unless they are terrible.
I’ve had to live with folks I’ve had pretty diametrically opposed views with and if they are not ABSOLUTE DICKS things usually go along okay if you just briefly make it clear you’re not gonna see eye-to-eye on things and just avoid political talk from there. DC’s a huge mixing bowl politically and loads of people come upfront with that stuff hoping to find kindred spirits and then drop it and seek common ground elsewhere if that doesn’t take, it’s like being a fan of a sports team or something, just an easy social opener with strangers when that’s something you’ve got in common. I don’t really have to fully convert the ex-mil guy upstairs or give him my comprehensive philosophy of the world to get him to stop making black people jokes when he sees a watermelon in the kitchen, just, like, I’m not gonna laugh at that dude, try something else.
If they are ABSOLUTE DICKS and keep trying to hard-sell you or throwing slogans in your face when it’s obvious you’re not interested then fuck em, there’s no peaceful outcome with someone who wants to make war on anyone who disagrees with them so get a big Hezbollah flag to hang in the front window and start handing out little red books as a housewarming gift
Place of employment is not a definite indicator of politics. I’m as lefty as they get, but if you just knew where I worked, you’d think I was BFFs with Mitch McConnell. In my experience, if you’re in the same policy specialty, they might want to talk about politics in terms of baseball stats (who got which votes and why, outlook for elections) but almost never in the Sox v. Yankees context. But, since you’re just neighbors, I doubt they have any interest in having any deep interaction with you.
Also, as a lifelong DC resident, I hate those people who are so politically divided (from either side of the aisle), they make my city look bad.
ROM-COM PLOT!
OK, not. But it will be fine. It won’t come up in normal interactions, and you will get practice not having to confront, if sometimes someone offhandedly mentions they’re off to create the next awesome nuclear submarine. How interesting, you’ll say. What are the popular color in submarines these days? Not your problem to fix.
Hello friends! I don’t post here often, but do read often and I know how many of you have shared the joys of quitting your job. This afternoon, I will know that joy as well. Even better, I am quitting my job to take a new, better job that is not going to bore me to tears and that will pay me double the money I am now making at my sad, boring job. I’ve been at this sad, boring job for 8 years, so this is a huge change, but I am so happy to be making it.
I’m so happy for you! I’ve recently left a job that was just killing my heart bit by bit, and I’m so lucky to have been able to do so. It’s the best thing ever.
Take This Job and Shove It! https://youtu.be/EzGoDtmTllg (use headphones if you’re still in the office)
Congrats! My your life without this job be very happy!
I have quit many jobs, but rather than tell my stories again I will tell a cute one about my family. My cousin left a terrible job and was working in retail for awhile as she figured out what to do next. I sent her a congratulatory note and a Starbucks gift card, because she loves Starbucks.
Later my mom called and was catching me up on family news, and mentioned tat my cousin left her job. I said I know, I sent her a Starbucks card. My mom burst out laughing. She had sent my cousin a Starbucks card too.
May your loved ones support you and buy you a latte when you need one, Toastie.
how do you keep the same job for 8 yeeeeears I’ve had one ever that lasted past 2 and by that point I was Done
Yay!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations! I changed jobs six months ago and it was frightening and good simultaneously. I effing LOVE my coworkers here, and we do very good things for humanity.
Fanfic thread?
I just finished reading a fantastic Steve Rogers-centric fic called Captain Fradulent.
Now revisiting some old favorites about Hermione Granger, the best character in Harry Potter, starting with Anna’s Roman Holiday, the beginning of a trilogy of fics, the last of which is (tragically) unfinished but all are awesome.
What’s everyone else reading?
I just started Renegade which is a DA:I AU where the elven herald freaks out and runs away from Haven. It’s only 3 chapters in so far, but it’s quite good.
Oooh! 🙂
Oooh, this sounds right up my alley, thank you!
That stupid egg elf has gotten me writing regularly for the first time in years. Thanks, Dragon Age, and your heartbreaking sadness!
I am desperately awaiting updates on Only True in Fairy Tales and Power of Two.
Both are modern AU Dorian ships from Dragon Age and I just cannot even with this author’s writing. It is so good. Once she read one of my fics and had nice things to say and I squeed for, like, days.
I am re-reading And Avalanche of Detour Signs and it is pure comfort food. Centered around Molly Hooper from Sherlock, gives her alllll her agency back (when Sherlock kisses her cheek at the Christmas party she is FURIOUS and about to read him for filth but gets interrupted). Plus an extremely sweet romance with Lestrade. I think it’s pretty well known but I’m reccing it just in case.
GOD I LOVE THIS FIC SO DAMN MUCH
The bit with the coat at the Christmas party blows me away. It changes the scene in the show! And it’s so smart because in the fic Molly is so embarrassed and so not aware that just behind her Lestrade has cartoon heart eyes for her.
This is one of my absolute favorite fics!
It’s such a great fic!
I love that one! Go, Molly!
The very first BBC Sherlock fic I ever read and it is soooooo good. Molly written as a person with feels! Mollstrade! *draws hearts all over this fic*
OMG Roman Holiday! I remember loving that trilogy back in the day! A reread may be in order for me now too!
Because I like to lower the class levels around this joint a few notches: Thirdsies, or Whatever the Fuck Hobbits Do – mild spoilers for Spy; yes, the Melissa McCarthy film. Yes, it’s a morning after fic.
I loved Spy, it was hilarious! Looking forward to diving into this one.
OH MY GOD ROMAN HOLIDAY!
It has been so long since I read that. OMG. OMG OMG.
I just read Roman Holiday based on your comment here and I really liked it! What are your other favorites about Hermione?
#feelthebern
So how was your long weekend? Mine involved watching the parade
with many mimosas for backup. 
And enjoying the view despite the crushing heat
But the main highlight of the weekend was…
God bless the poutine truck.
Wherever you are, that looks suspiciously like upstate NY and/or Vermont. Beautiful!
Central Vermont.
The first two pictures look like the street my uncle lives on near West Point and where we watch the Fourth of July parade.
I also watched a parade (it took 15 minutes), attended an auction where I paid $2.50 for this fine set of art pieces:
We watched round bale races
Some people might have had some bourbon at 12:15 in the afternoon
And then we all watched several hundred sheep run down the main street of town.
This. Looks. Amazing. I am so so jealous.
Come to MT next labor day and you can come along! I’m pretty sure my friends and I will be going again, it was tons of fun.
I live in Kansas for godssake. You’d think we’d have similar stuff to this around here, but…we don’t. The few rural communities left are mostly full of angry, bitter farmers who still vote Republican.
So are the farmers in Vermont (the ones who sprung fully formed out of the granite, not the ones who moved from NYC to raise yaks). One deals.
SHEEP
Ooh, that poutine looks delicious
i just touched my hand to the photo of poutine the way someone might caress the image of a lost love
If I could send it through the internet tubes I would.
Send that poutine truck RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
Damn, now I really want poutine.
I’ll start an dating thread since I think gloriana232 is gone this week.
The guy I met up with last week apparently just got out of a relationship and isn’t looking for a girlfriend right now, because that’s my stupid life in a nutshell. “Oh, you like someone finally? Well, he’s EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE.” – The Universe
He did come over for hanging out and sexy times yesterday, and I’m ok taking things slowly since obviously we’ve only seen each other twice but UGH. I’m so tired of having to keep walls up all the time.
I’m trying to decide if it’s foolish to message someone who is more than two hours distant. The disclaimers are: this is a rural area, so not many people are on OKC, which makes finding even a sort-of-match anywhere close a problem. And they identified as non-monogamous, so the possibility of once or twice a month meetups for dinner and makeouts is a possibility? IDK.
I don’t think it’s foolish! If you can make meet-ups work, it could be fun, if you’re not interested in something too too serious.
I say go for it! Messaging someone isn’t a commitment to go on a date with them, or anything else beyond sending a message.
Ugh, I feel like if you know you’re emotional unavailable and not looking for a relationship you should maybe put that somewhere in your profile. That sucks.
I have yet to actually have The Talk with the boy that I’ve been dating but it’s happening tomorrow night, I promise! I’m really, really not happy in this area between fuck buddy and girlfriend and his behavior last weekend was not good. So yeah, DTR, tomorrow night, OR ELSE!
Geez, right? This is the second time this has happened to me this summer. Like, “Ah, really glad you mentioned this AFTER our first date when I really enjoyed your company and making out with you!” So now it’s like, do I protect myself and get out immediately? Or do I continue to hang out with him because I’m an idiot who really likes him? (Hint: Not the first choice!)
Good luck with the Talk! That inbetween area totally sucks 🙁
I’ve been lazily batting messages backwards and forth with someone for quite a few weeks now, which has been really nice, just talking about books and getting to know each other. This evening though, I sat down to write back a slightly overdue message, and I’m not really as into it as I usually would be, without out really knowing why. I’m thinking of putting it aside to tomorrow, and hope it’s just end of week tiredness, but it’s a bit of a bugger. :s
OKCupid has been super disappointing lately. I reopened my Tinder after deleting my account, and the literal first person it suggested was my ex-of-six-weeks, who I am still crying over. (I ended it, after he was inattentive and awful and mean for a few months, blugh.)
But, now that he’s disposed of via a left-swipe, there’s a whole set of men to swipe after on there. And who knows, perhaps I’ll grow a pair and ask a man out in real actual human life!
I’m sorry to hear that! Those situations suck, and he could have been upfront about it.
I have two questions for you, Toasties. (Hope you see them, as I am late as usual.) The first is about keeping up walls when you are having sex with someone. I don’t how why it took me so long, but I finally accepted that I can’t do casual sex if I like-like someone; I have to wait until it seems it will be something steady. How do you keep up your walls when you’re doing the sex with someone you like?
The second is about viewing men as individuals when A Man is doing shirty things. I tend to lump all the menz together when one is doing a number on me, as in, a giant, innately superior and different group of successful beings that I will always be shunned by. Anyone else ever get that feeling? I also have the bad cognitive habit of comparing myself to my friends and SOs, so I think it’s linked to that.
Good luck to all of you in your dating endeavours , and put yourselves first. Xx
Swimmers of The Toast, I need advice! How can I improve my stamina while swimming? (Aside from just swimming more, that is.)
My town has this rather nice aquatic center with, among other things, an Olympic-sized pool and a smaller warm pool. Lately I’ve really gotten into swimming in the warm pool for exercise during open swim, but it tends to get crowded with splashing kids whenever the center’s busy. I’d like to start swimming proper laps so I can move over to the big pool that’s lane swimming only whenever it gets busy, but I’m going to have to work up to it because I just can’t go that far without stopping to rest. There is always one lane set up in the warm pool that’s not used much, so I can start out there, but is there anything else that would be good to do? I have access to other exercise equipment at the YMCA next door, if something there would help.
Does the big pool have lanes allocated for slow, medium, and fast swimmers? Most of them usually do, and the slow lane is intended to accommodate people who are slow and/or who need to stop and rest after every length or two, so don’t feel bad about getting in there! Just be aware of the people in the lane with you and let them pass as necessary – don’t feel like you need to push yourself if someone’s catching up to you.
If the pool has equipment for general use, doing kick board sets with flippers(full or half) will help you build leg strength and practice your breathing. When you get comfortable enough in the water, pull buoys (the little foam things you put between your thighs) will help with arm strength. They’re actually less scary than they look – kicking is far more work than arm pulling, so doing pull sets will give your legs a break. As you progress you can also start trying bilateral breathing, which is breathing to different sides after every three strokes, and that will help with your aerobic capacity.
Initially just swim as many lengths as you can – even if it’s just one – then rest and repeat. Increase the number of lengths whenever you can and decrease the rest time when you feel up to it. I’m always swimming without my contacts in so I use number of breaths rather than the clock to count my rest period. If you can swim the different strokes, try to vary your workout with them – you could ask the lifeguards for tips on stroke improvement (they’re usually also instructors, and often super bored at lane swims).
Swimming works and tightens specific muscle groups, so shoulder and hip flexor stretches are really useful before and after workouts.
Good luck! Swimming is awesome.
Thank you for the advice! A lot of it is a confidence thing – I’m sure the big pool does have allocated lanes and so I wouldn’t really be in anyone’s way (especially since most of the dedicated lap swimmers apparently go in the morning, whereas I go in the afternoon or evening), but I’m rather attached to the warm pool and its usual group of little old ladies working on their water aerobics exercises because I know for sure that I’m not holding anyone up or doing anything wrong.
corollary question: how does one go about learning to swim as a grown-up? We took lessons at the Y when we were little kids but the lessons never stuck, and it’s not really been something I’ve been motivated to try again. But I also keep injuring myself running, and swimming is a super-awesome low-impact exercise when you can’t run… but I’m intensely intimidated by being a Grown Lady who would get into a pool and splash like a drowning person. It’s also really expensive to get lessons as an adult (except group lessons, which… see above re: intimidated/embarrassed). Suggestions?
I don’t know if they have it in your city, but I’ve been doing this: http://swimwoddc.com/
I’m a little more advanced of a swimmer, but when I go they have been great about instructing all levels while still giving everyone a workout and being really welcoming. From folks who can’t quite swim a length of a pool, to those training for triathlons. They just divide up into lanes by level, and are really good about making sure the beginners get intensive support and instruction. And fun floaty things to work with!
Oh how COOL. It does look DC-centric (I’m in central North Carolina) but I wonder if they’ve cloned this idea anywhere else. It looks amazing.
I learned to swim as an adult from my ex (before she was my ex), who had taught swim lessons during her lifeguarding years. The one-on-one format with someone I knew was really nice. It might be worth asking around to your friends, since it seems like a fair number of people have some swimming/lifeguarding /teaching experience from their high school or college years. Then maybe you can work out an exchange more favorable than the cost of a private coach (I gave my ex painting lessons for the swimming lessons).
Literally everyone else in my office has been a lifeguard at one time and they all find it perplexing/hilarious/somewhere in between that I’m 35 and can’t swim. I could probably approach one of them. But um, another stupid question: if I do a barter system thing to get someone to teach me to swim, how do we find someplace for the lessons? I’m so showing my water-related ignorance here.
Similar to this suggestion, a lot of pools also offer private lessons. I currently teach swimming lessons and lifeguard in such a setting and I’ve done one-on-one lessons with both children and adults. Granted, if you go through the pool you likely won’t be able to choose the instructor and the quality can be a little more suspect (many instructors who teach through pools teach children almost exclusively and it takes extra effort to adapt your methods to an adult swimmer, but then some people prefer adults because they pretty much always actually want to be there).
Would group lessons with other beginner adults be less intimidating/embarrassing? I was looking into group swimming lessons to learn actual strokes instead of whatever I sort of developed after several rounds of swimming lessons that terrified me as a kid and a lot of the available sessions for adults were for beginners. At least then you’d all be flailing together?
I feel like group lessons is MORE anxiety-inducing than one-on-one. But it is cheaper. I guess I’m also worried about being the only relative youngster among a group of old folks (which would be the case if I took lessons at my gym, but that gym also specifically caters to the retirement community it’s built by, so that might be a dumb worry anyway. And it’s already dumb because who cares if I’m the only younger person among people old enough to be my parents! Why does the idea of learning to swim produce so much anxiety agh okay close parenthesis)
Oh, I completely understand. It took me over a year to finally work up the nerve to try a class at the Y and even then I only managed by dragging my mother along with me so I knew I wouldn’t be the only newbie. I find it easier to be in a class with older people myself – the retirees here are clearly in IDGAF mode and don’t feel as judgy as younger people – but I also understand the feeling conspicuous thing. I hope you find teaching that suits you!
Most (all?) Masters groups are open to people who can’t swim! They split you up, so the experienced swimmers can merrily swim away while less practiced members can learn stroke basics. My old Masters group was really welcoming to non-swimmers. The coach claimed he could teach anyone to swim.
Swimming with a group is way more fun than swimming alone. Even if you’re just lap swimming, it’s nice to do it with someone else!
Okay, that’s seriously good to hear about the Masters teams. There’s one at my aquatic center and they say they welcome swimmers of all levels, but saying you’re open to all levels and then actually being open to all levels are two entirely different things. Glad to hear my thoughts of joining aren’t completely crazy.
You know I think it’s the fact that they call it “Masters” that makes me skeptical of the welcoming-ness of it all. It just implies “we’re awesome” and that makes me scared even though I know, intellectually, that’s not what it is.
My local YWCA has a program called Y-Try It for newbie triathletes, and they cover the entire range of ability – I watched a practice once where a couple ladies were working on learning to float. Both that kind of thing and group lessons can be helpful because you have support not only from coaches/instructors but also the other people who are learning with you.
That’s really good to know! Now I know to specifically look for Masters swim groups instead of just looking for adult lessons. Thank you!
If you live in Seattle, the public pools have group adult lessons that are a pretty great deal for the amount of time and instructor ratio. I loved the ones I took- they were really helpful and everyone was really nice.
I don’t live in Seattle but my brother is currently visiting a friend who does live out there and who has offered/threatened to find my husband a job to make us move… my point is I will keep this in mind should that ever happen. 🙂
I’m sure other cities/ rec center-y things have this sort of thing as well- Seattle just happens to be the only place I have personal experience 😛 Possibly the least judge-y fitness/ skill learning experience ever- super great!
Don’t move to Seattle, it’s dark all the time and the weather hates you. Unless you hate the sun, then it’s fine. (I sort of took the dreary Mays and Junes personally when I lived there, what can I say? It’s basically nice literally everywhere else that time of year)
I learned to swim two years ago, at age 29, by taking a beginner swim class through my local university. It might be worth checking out – if there is a nearby university that offers swim classes, they might be cheaper than the other options. It wasn’t embarrassing at all – there were people there who had never swum and were frightened of the water, and others (like me) who could splash around happily but knew zero strokes. We started with all the different building blocks – first the flutter kick, then the arms, then the flutter kick with a kickboard, then breathing hanging onto the edge of the pool, then breathing with the kickboard and flutter kick, and then all of a sudden we could put it all together and swim a perfectly respectable crawl. I hated swim lessons as a child, and got nothing out of them, but I found it much easier as an adult. Things that were just mysterious and annoying to child me – like breathing – actually made sense to adult me, and so I was much more motivated to work on them. And now swimming is my favorite way to exercise, so I’m a huge evangelist for learning to swim as an adult.
I learnt swimming last year and I am 32. I was also worried about it being embarrassing/intimidating, but it was lots of fun! No one pays attention to what others are doing in the pool, they’re all too busy.
I took an adult swim class offered for the general public at my local community college–I wanted go learn actual strokes–and it was super cheap. Something like $45 for 7 lessons. (Actually only one other woman was in my session, then she dropped out, so I had private instruction for like $7 a lesson… pretty awesome.)
I can empathize with the anxiety about learning in groups. I would say find a class that is designed for or includes folks at your level. Everyone is there working on their own stuff, not to judge each other (or if they are it’s only out of their own insecurity and all they’re doing is ruining their own time).
It may seem a bit contradictory, but one of the best ways to gain stamina in swimming is to focus on your technique, rather than your fitness. That way you minimize injury and it makes for a much more interesting workout.
I have found this book to be super helpful: Total Immersion. It is geared towards adult beginners and really breaks down the different strokes into tiny, learnable chunks so you’re practicing to improve and not to struggle at a higher level.
The website has tons of drills and other resources as well –> http://totalimmersion.net/
Oh, that looks excellent. Working on technique is definitely doable and it makes sense that that would help. Thank you!
Hah. I think that’s the book one of the adult swimmers I had for private lessons was reading during the 10 or so weeks I taught him. He was one of my favourite students because he was so into it and committed to getting better. A wonderful break from teaching children who clearly were forced into lessons by their parents.
Yes to drills and learning technique! One of the most challenging things about swimming is that when you don’t have the technique, you’re working ten times harder than an experienced swimmer to accomplish half as much.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you may need to adapt those techniques to your own body type depending on whether you’re more muscular or more floaty, so play with things if the instructions don’t make sense at first. A lanky friend of mine who started swimming with me was having a hard time not letting his legs drag, for example, so he had to figure out for himself how much to keep his upper body pushed “down” to balance out.
I’m late to this, but in the summer I swim laps (mostly butterfly stroke) nearly every day usually for an hour and don’t get winded–and I’m not a super athlete or young (I’m 50). Years ago I read and took this advice: speed up the arms and slow down the legs for endurance. It feels very strange–unnatural–at first and is not the way to swim very quickly but it works, especially if you already know how to do a stroke, but just get tired really fast while doing it.
my new apartment is so niiiice, i’m so happy
top pic is the view out the side room window!
Oooooo pretty!! South End?
Fort Hill, Roxbury!
Hi fellow Boston Toastron! That view is amaze!
yo that is cute as heck! congratulations!
I am so jealous of that view! I miss the back bay skyline.
Do you have any tips for Boston area apt hunting? It’s so intimidating and I am new at this aaaa
oh man, I wish I could help more! I got absurdly lucky, my roommate found this place through the Simmons College housing board, it’s the first one we looked at, and our application was accepted by the end of the weekend. I don’t have a whole lot of experience with it either.
So, I guess, if you are going (or went) to school here then definitely check out their resources? Otherwise I think it’s mostly Craigslist, which obviously can be hit or miss. When my brother was looking, he ended up actually hiring a realtor because he + his roommates needed something pretty specific.
Your apartment is super adorable and I am JEALOUS. I’ve been trying to finagle a job in my industry in the Boston area for years and would move tomorrow if I could.
FALLEN LONDON thread!
I’m about to take to the zee for my ambition, so I stocked up on a coat and a hat to go back to Polythreme and do some content there I couldn’t do last time. Currently accepting all zee-related prayers and rituals.
YAY FL THREAD
I finally opened up the Correspondence storyline in the Forgotten Quarter! It took SOOOO long to get there and now I’m running around with glee at all the stuff that’s opened (UNIVERSITIES YAY)
I’m amazed when I think about how much of a noob I still am, with only one skill above 100 (and that only because of a piece of equipment boosting it), and how much story there is left to go. I love you Toasties for turning me on to this game.
I’m getting thrown out of Court!
Note that right now from the Fate page you can make a donation to MSF for their Mediterranean relief work in exchange for a Charitably Mysterious Bundle. Failbetter is matching donations to 10,000 pounds (I don’t think they’re there yet).
I sprung for a couple of the Charitably Mysterious Bundles and am now in possession of a Royal-Blue Feather and a Move In The Great Game.
Also finally found a Magnificent Diamond which enabled me to make a Grand Proposal of Marriage!
Job-hunt related rant…
I got an informal job offer two weeks ago (“Hey we want to offer you this position, when can you start and what is your salary requirement and authorize this background check”). The background check is complete, and I got an email yesterday from my future co-worker/office mate that she’s excited to work with me! BUT I’M STILL WAITING FOR THE FORMAL OFFER and I’ve been refreshing my email and triple-checking that my phone isn’t on silent, because I cannot WAIT to give my notice at my current job. Meanwhile I keep getting bombarded with new work and new projects, and I can’t just say “actually no I’d like to not take that task on because I hope to leave in a few weeks” and my to-do list is piling up and I don’t know how to balance all of it. Ack.
Be patient!! I went through this from the hiring manager side twice in the last year. Even when the background check was done there was a laborious amount of bullshit that HR had to work through before I could make the formal offer. The whole time I was writhing in agony over leaving the people I wanted to hire hanging, but there was nothing I could do. It SUCKS and I’m sorry it’s taking so long! Maybe you’ll hear something by the end of today and have something awesome to celebrate this weekend?
Thanks for this reply- this is super reassuring! Intuitively, I know that these things take time…but I feel like I have this trump card in my pocket but I can’t use it yet! The anticipation is killing me! (but it’s also secretly very exciting and awesome).
Dude trust me when I left my last job I was boiling over from the effort it took not to drop the mike and stalk out way before I got the job offer. Also trust me when I say that the new job is just as anxious to make you the offer as you are to have it. It’ll be here any day now!
Do any lovely Toasties happen to have some good links for someone new to identifying themselves as somewhere on the asexual spectrum? I’ve been kind of dipping my toe into the idea for a couple months now, and I’m somewhat sure that I’m definitely on the scale (possibly “grey-asexual”). But there’s so many terms and different levels and like, subsections, and new words and identities, and it is giving me quite the headache. And yes, on some level I know I don’t necessarily “need” to perfectly define everything about my sexuality, but there is something about reading about it and finding the words to describe things (especially the “so it’s NOT just me” feeling I get) that really helps me.
So basically… a beginner’s guide to asexuality? Recommended links to clear, “respectable” sites? (Thumbs up for being about to turn 30 and still figuring out just wtf your sexuality is while also wondering why it seems to keep changing? Haha.)
Hah, I used to read a ton of ace blogs, but they’re all defunct now, alas. It’s still probably worth looking up the Carnival of Aces; there’s a lot of good writing out there.
FWIW, Aven has a reputation for being very white-upper-class-alloromantic focused, in the “convince people we’re just like them so they won’t be threatened” way, whereas tumblr is…well, tumblr. They will kind of go at each other sometimes (which is why I ended up reading more blogs than anything).
Sorry, I do not have any links. I feel like I’ve been slowly absorbing information through osmosis for the past five or so years. Then again, I’ve always has approximately zero interest in dating, so figuring out my sexuality has never felt urgent.
Good luck!
*offers fistbump of Figuring Out Sexuality Things When Age 30+ solidarity*
Playing House Thread.
Does anyone else watch this beautiful gem of a show? I just finished the first season and am impatiently waiting to get home to start the 2nd. Help me fill the void while I wait and talk to me about it!
I had never heard of it but now I want to see it! Is it like Kate and Allie ish? Is it on Netflix streaming?
LOVE this show – it’s the best at funny + real-feels about female friendship.
And also in the 2nd season you will get to see Keegan-Michael Key in a tux. Thinking about that should fill the void!
Plus he does the splits, which was impressive!
I started watching season 1 On Demand last week and enjoyed the first 3 or 4 episodes, but when I went back to watch more last night, there were only season 2 episodes available. Sad face.
I adore Playing House! I just finished the second season and it was just as great as the first. I’ll be heartbroken if they don’t get a third season.
I love this show and know no one else in real life who watches it, but I really want to talk about season 2 since that’s the one I just finished! I am happy to rewatch the first season though just to talk about this show with someone. I read something somewhere favorably comparing it to Gilmore Girls that really made something in my head click, like, “oh yes, that IS why I feel so warm and fuzzy watching this show.” So for anyone wondering about whether this show is worth watching, it’s kind of like the Gilmore Girls, except it’s friends who are practically sisters instead of mothers and daughters, and there’s like 40% less annoying quirkiness with the supporting characters (they’re all still quirky though) and like 90% less garbage men muddying up the stories about strong female relationships.
I don’t think any other show takes me from laughter to tears (but not, like, sad tears) the way that this show does. Near the end of season 1, when Emma’s coaching Maggie through labor? TEARS. My wife and I rewatched the first season before the second season started, and it still got me. I love this show so much.
I LOVE THIS SHOW mainly because Lennon Parham and Jessica St Clair are comedy geniuses. If you love them, you should check out their Comedy Bang Bang podcast episodes where Jessica is a 16 year old gifted student and Lennon is her teacher Miss Listler. And then their own podcast, Womp it Up, where they continue the characters.
I have new-job anxiety and I feel like gonna do down that rabbit hole of wondering if I am doing the whole adulthood and life thing correctly. Toasties, how do you deal with your anxiety about wondering if you made the right choices?
Keep thinking, “Well I can’t change it now, lets focus on something I have control over” like 1,000,000,000 times
I ask myself if anyone will actually, literally perish from my having made the wrong choice. If the answer is no, welp…
What are your favorite home/house websites and/or blogs? I’m mostly looking for beginner maintenance and renovation-y stuff with some DIY decorating? Or any sites you like! I’m feeling a little lost and overwhelmed with homeownership and I’m not sure where to start!
I’m still in the dreaming about homeownership and spending crazy amounts of time on Zillow phase but I love the Ana White blog and Apartment Therapy. Also I have a book (Black & Decker: The Complete Photo Guide to Homeowner Basics) that’s like a beginner house maintenance book.
This can be dangerous, because personally I have a bad habit of comparing myself unfavorably to people with more resources than me, but Apartment Therapy is a good place to start because their tags are pretty well organized and they do good roundups and reposts of stuff from other blogs.
I really like manhattan-nest.com!
With the caveat that it doesn’t look like it’s all online anymore, though you can buy the pdf and I’m sure searching will bring up samples, but your question immediately reminded me of C. Spike Trotman’s awesome Poorcraft.
I’m a huge fan of the show Rehab Addict, which you can watch on the DIY channel web site. We were going into home shopping knowing our only chance for affordability was to buy an undervalued fixer, so it really helped us get pumped about, uh, dealing with deferred maintenance and diy on historic homes.
Toasties!! I love you!!!
I moved from mostly-lurking to regular commenting in Late April/Early May when Mr.Toast had been in and out of the hospital and I’d been trying to still mostly work full weeks and he couldn’t eat and everything was terrible. Y’all were super generous to me in the open thread where I complained, gave me good suggestions (things like suggesting we get pedicures together when we would have be going out to eat together, which worked well until he broke his big toe). He finally had the surgery yesterday, which he was REALLY REALLY freaked out about, and it’s gone well, better than he expected, so far way better than last time, and I’m taking so many of my vacation days that I saved for this, and work has been really great about helping me do it, and I can take FMLA if shit goes down and I need it, and one of my best friends / sweetie of his will be coming monday night to help out, and …
thank you. thank you all, you have kept me so much more sane than I would be otherwise, and I will be tweeting WAY more over the next couple of weeks and then go back to not tweeting very much unless someone needs an easy cookie recipe late at night or whatever, and i am so tired and so happy that this has all gone better than it might have and it’s not going to be EASY, and things may go wrong or get worse, but so many things have gone RIGHT so far and they very well might not have, and, just, really
<3 <3 <3
Oh Halp peoples:
my question in comments because TW for accusations of abuse and also ack!
A kid in my theater tech crew has accused another of abuse.
They were together for more than a year (high school) she (is now preferring to be they) is accusing her/their ex of abuse. All the reading I have done, all the listening I have done says that if someone feels abused they were abused, and the default stance doubts the accused abuser.
BUT. (Oh I cannot CANNOT believe I am writing this) I don’t trust her/ them, for reasons to do with their demonstrated inability to work well in groups and tendency to engage in extraneous dramatics. The flip side is that I would trust the young man with puppies and kittens, not to mention I already trust him with small crews of other students to accomplish stuff onstage and fiercely expensive equipment.
I have thought and thought about this, and having spun myself around several times my current position is that having asked her/them if she needs anything to help her feel safe, and been told she’s ok, that I can continue as I have been. I don’t think I have to choose sides? I don’t think it is up to me to referee any part of the process. I can definitely separate them ALL THE TIME.
Am I missing something? What would you do? A kid in my theater tech crew has accused another of abuse.
Not choosing a side is choosing the abuser’s side.
The abuser who is likely a master manipulator and who counts on everyone thinking of him as kind and wonderful and his victim as wacky and dysfunctional.
It doesn’t really matter if you believe them or not. Once an abuse accusation has been made, since you’re an adult in position of responsibility working with students, that’s the perspective you have to come at this with. Not “who should I believe?” but “what are the responsibilities I have in this situation and how can I keep everyone safe?”
Is this a theater tech crew as part of a high school? Are these college-age kids, or minors? If it’s teenagers in a school, you should escalate this to at minimum to a guidance counselor. What kind of abuse has been reported? If it’s anything involving physical or sexual violence, if it’s a minor, you are almost certainly legally required to report it, and your school should have a policy in place for how to escalate that. Your guidance counselors or HR staff should know what the policy is and can tell you what you need to do next.
It’s not your job to determine what happened, but to get this information to the people who do have that job, so everyone can be safe. If the abuse reported is emotional abuse among adults, then it’s not necessarily something you have a direct role in preventing and stepping back might be the path of least harm, but make sure you’re doing what you can to minimize harm if the accusations are true.
It’s normal to harbor doubts and to want to trust the student you already had faith and confidence in, and you might be completely correct about who to trust, but since you’re in a position of responsibility, you have to make sure that if the accusations are true, you’ve protected everyone you’re overseeing to the best of your ability.
ok.
This is entirely among high school students. The guidance counselors and staff are already on the job. I learned of the accusations through a series third party conversations and a close reading of FB. I will talk to the school counselor and ask if the problem is more-or-less public knowledge, and what I should (or should not) be doing. Thank you helping me figure out my path.
This is a whole lot more useful and calm than anything I could get out of my keyboard in this situation, so thank you for doing that.
Two great ways to be an adult that teens can come to with problems is 1) believing them and 2) using the pronouns they ask you to use (not “now preferring to be they” or “she/they”). I know you are anonymous and don’t know who to talk to about this but I am not far from being a teen and would be really upset to be referred to and second guessed like this by a teacher/other similar trusted adult.
ALL OF THIS. I’ll add that misgendering a trans/nonbinary/genderqueer person is a form of violence. Not to mention cissexist as hell.
You’re both quite correct. This whole question gives me bad feels.
So many things happened this week!
My neighbourhood got its first big giant election sign for this campaign. It’s for my local Libertarian candidate.
I got terry cloth insoles for my flats, and am now much less upset about the end of sandal weather.
I have put eyebrow powder on every day this week, which means I officially now believe I could manage to put in gas permeable contacts every morning, so I will call my eye doctor for the referral some time today, I guess.
*Last* week’s Netrunner night included a dude who responded to me asking if he wanted to play a game with “you play?”, I guess because he assumed I was there to watch my non-existent boyfriend play or something, and then we played Netrunner and he was sort of grumpy and silent the whole match. I brushed it off at the time but over the next several days I started to get more and more grumpy about how I’m often the only woman at Netrunner night. But! This week all the dudes I played and talked to were very nice, so now I’m only mildly grumpy.
I used to live up the street from some people who put up an ENORMOUS, hand-painted Ron Paul sign in their yard during election season (and this was in Iowa, so election season went on for like a year). The same people had a car in the driveway with a bunch of 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB-type bumper stickers. I started giving directions that went “if you’ve passed the conspiracy theory house, you’ve gone too far!”
What is eyebrow powder for, exactly? I know I’m getting some in this month’s Ipsy bag and I am perplexed as to its intended use. Is it just like…an alternative to doing your brows with a pencil?
Yes.
When I try to use a pencil, I always end up with eyebrows that look drawn on. When I use powder, it mostly sticks to the hairs instead of the skin, so then my eyebrows look the same as normal except darker. Which is all I’m looking for, because my eyebrows are quite blond and so not very visible.
I do find it stays better if I use eyebrow wax or something. I just got an Essence “eyebrow fixing pencil” which is just eyebrow wax in a pencil and I quite like it. I’ve also tried clear brow gel, but I wasn’t as happy with that.
Ah!! As a former ACLU law clerk, yard signs are still the first sign of autumn for me. (We used to divide up the year into “yard sign season”, “nativity scene season”, etc.)
I’m in Canada, so I don’t think our yard signs are that seasonal. It’s just a coincidence that we’re electing in the fall this time!
Wait, no, that was kind of a lie. I just remembered that Harper put in “fixed” election dates, which apparently are in October. Not that I expect that to last.
Aha, ours are always this time of the year in the US, so we always had a flurry of lawsuits involving (e.g.) people who were told to take down their yard sign because it’s too big, etc.
(I often wish we had a short election season like… well, anywhere in the rest of the world, really).
Finished things thread? I have a long list of craft projects that I need to finish, but I did finally finish this cross stitch that I started long ago and got signed by Kelly Sue DeConnick at Emerald City Comicon this last spring. Now I just need to frame it and decide where to hang it up.
Oh my goodness that is beautiful!
I made this bag! Pattern from purl soho here
I also finished the back of my Cordova sweater. While it’s a long way from being completed, having one piece off the needles feels like a nice accomplishment.
I love that bag and the colors!
Lovely!
I’ve put my crafting on hold to focus on house stuff. I finished painting my kitchen/dining room and the room is put back together. I need to hang stuff on my walls tonight and then I’ll be done!
I have a bunch of house stuff that should be on my list too, but I’ve been merrily ignoring those things in favor of crafts (and also Netflix). Hooray for painting and a well put together room!
That’s fantastic! I just finished this cross stitch (I can’t get my picture to upload for some reason, so here’s just the picture of the pattern. I did it on blue fabric.)
And now I’m working on a Nightmare Before Christmas one. I’m getting so many crafts done during my desperate job hunt!
Aww, that’s adorable!
(Man, one of these years I’m gonna frame my Sleepy Hollow cross stitch so I can enjoy it now that it’s done.)
All I need to do to finish my Cambie dress made from flamingo print fabric is sew the neck straps. Planning to do that tonight/tomorrow morning so I can wear to a craft fear tomorrow. (It hasn’t been hemmed yet–I want to wear it once or twice before I decide how long it should be.)
This dress: http://www.sewaholicpatterns.com/cambie-dress/
This fabric: http://www.hawthornethreads.com/fabric/designer/j…
Does anyone have advice for getting through Bell’s palsy without just wallowing in unrelenting misery or retreating to an underground lair like the Phantom of the Opera so no one has to look at my face? I just got it yesterday, and I am SO MISERABLE. I can’t blink properly! I can’t drink without spilling water on myself! I can’t chew with my mouth closed! Fortunately, I work from home most of the time, so I can *mostly* just wallow in misery by myself (while working, ideally), but I do have some meetings and stuff coming up, and I feel bad enough about making people look at my face when it’s *not* malfunctioning, so ugh. I know most people start to improve within a month or so, but that feels like FOREVER right now.
At least I have an excuse not to smile at men.
So sorry you are going through that.
Not exactly the same – but I just recovered from a pretty bad head / face injury… went quite a while not smiling due to some scar tissue on my lip and swelling that left me without feeling in my nose upper lip and cheek (still have a very lumpy smile and I don’t really like seeing myself smile anymore 🙁 ). Y I was convinced everyone thought I was an asshole… but it will get better! <3
I’m so sorry! My brother had several months of bilateral facial paralysis due to guillan-barre, and it really sucked. I don’t have any advice for getting through it, but I offer jedi hugs if you want them 😀
Also, you could try using a straw for drinking–for a seal against the roof of your mouth with your tongue. I know it’s not much, though 🙁
No advice, but you do have a hell of an excuse to demand friends come to you rather than go out! Wine night!
If you play a mean pipe organ I totally advocate the “retreating to an underground lair” option, but, you know, the fancy kind with trap doors and secret passages and candelabras and REALLY GOOD ACOUSTICS.
Oh god, the nine-day saga of Jen Makes Bad Decisions (Cat Edition) is over at last: my coworker is taking the cat to her daughter-in-law, and I will be going home to an apartment without a cat! (Admittedly with a litter box that still needs to be dealt with. But that is what Friday night g&ts are for.) And my coworker even got her shit together and did not give me any grief about it today. I am massively relieved.
Yay! I am happy for you.
Just got my biopsy results back and I don’t have cancer!!!!
There will be much rejoicing after work, but rn I’m just trying not to cry at my desk from relief/exhaustion.
Woo!!!!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
hope you get a nice nap in before rejoicing time.
Hooray!
Oh man I had a breast biopsy earlier this year and I didn’t tell anyone about it (except Mr. Delperro and my mom) when it happened, and yet it took all my self-control not to tell everybody I met about my negative results!! I know the feeling and I’m so happy for you!!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!
Toasties, I am having friend issues. I moved to a new city with my beau, and my friend is treating my new home as her personal AirBnB whenever she has business in this city.
My issue is that last time she came to visit she was rude and judgey about our neighborhood and home and weirdly competitive with my BF. She also seems to think I am secretly unhappy with my life. It was extremely uncomfortable for me, to say the least. I don’t want to sound like a dick, but I feel like she is upset that I got my life semi in order and she is still lost. It took me YEARS to get here, though, and she was there for all of it. If you’ve ever seen Life Partners, it’s basically just like that.
She asked to stay again and I don’t know what to tell her. I feel like we don’t understand each other anymore, and it is exhausting to run defense about my life for an entire weekend.
Will vague work? “I’m looking forward to seeing you when you’re in town but unfortunately we just can’t host you this time, I’m sorry!” No need for an explanation.
I’ve been reading a lot of Slate’s “Dear Prudence” column, and I’m pretty sure this would be her advice. Short, simple, no details, just “it’s not going to work out this time, sorry.”
Oh goodness, tell her no. Period. You do not have to give an explanation unless you want to–it’s possible that “you’re not welcome here because you have been rude about where we live” will be a valuable lesson, or it’s possible that it won’t. If she worries about where she’ll stay, not your problem. There are many websites dedicated to helping people find temporary accommodations, hotel or otherwise.
Here, please enjoy < ahref=”http://captainawkward.com/category/how-to-say-no/”>a series of Captain Awkward posts listed under “how to say no.” Some of them are about difficult visitors!
Oh honey, that can be really, really tough. Being blunt can be bruising to one or both. It is 100% okay to say “You know, I’m going to be [coming off of/going into/in the middle of] a week of really intense/stressful [whatever is going on at work] and I’m afraid I just am not going to have the time or energy to be a very good host this time around.” I have had to do this several times and it’s hard but necessary. And it’s almost never untrue, especially if she is the reason you’d be stressed out and tired.
Seconding the recommendation to check out Captain Awkward. Look through her archives and you’ll find a terrific post explaining just what to say.
Is the friendship worth working on? If so, talk to her, one on one, and tell her that while she may not realize it, her behavior hurts you, and makes you uncomfortable; be specific. I’ve had many conversations with friends like this (me to them, them to me), and it almost *always* strengthens the relationship. Sometimes, we just don’t know when we’re acting like assholes.
(But if it’s not worth working on? Definitely the previous suggestions of “I’m so sorry, we can’t host you this time.”)
Chicago Toasties! A few of us got together and made a closed FB group for sharing events, planning events, and talking amongst ourselves. If you’ll search “The Toast – Chicago” you should find it, and we’ll get ya in on the fun ASAP. (This is meant to supplement, not supplant, the Chicago fan page for the Toast!) Having attended a happy hour with some of them, I can confirm that no one bites, unless politely requested to do so.
yay! it was great to meet you & the others at the happy hour. Next time we’ll find a spot more conducive to big disorganized groups 🙂
I have a new poetry tumblr (outragedpoet.tumblr.com) and I’d like to follow some well-thought-of poets who also have tumblrs…any suggestions?
This past weekend, while vacationing with my family, we all got good and intoxicated and were joking about things and talking about bad movies (and so-bad-they’re-good movies) and Channing Tatum came up, and in my stupor, I referred to him as Canned Potatoes and now it is the only thing I can bring myself to call him.
This is a completely inconsequential thing to share, but I have been thinking of it and the Toast’s love of him (and Jupiter Ascending, which is what spurred the conversation), and I had to share.
Also, the yearly fundraising event that I help plan is coming up this weekend, and we’re a bit behind where we need to be to hit our goal, but also we always find a way, but also what if we don’t?! So there’s that, too.
Happy Friday, Toasties!
He’s known as Charming Potato among my friends!
Gym thread! Share your PRs, tell us what you’re working toward, ask questions, brag on yourself, admit what didn’t work.
On my end, when I realized I’d left my leggings at home yesterday (after an all-day struggle with the don’t-wannas, thanks to hormones) and that there’s some social gym convention that says you can’t work out in just your undawears, there was nothing to do but go next door and curl a double cheeseburger. Tonight I’m gonna go back, because WEIGHTS! and tomorrow I’m going to a [solidcore] class, which, ridiculous bracketry notwithstanding, kicks more ass than any 50-minute low-impact workout has any right to do.
My month of unlimited Crossfit runs out on Oct. 5. I am going to do 10 classes between now and then and also get 10,000 steps on my fitbit every day between now and then. With Toast as my witness, I will lift and walk.
Witness you, sweaty and chrome!
“curl a double cheeseburger”
YES.
Friends! I am about to start an online store for the awesome vintage clothing literally exploding out of my closet. (Moving to a small place, it hurts.)
Is Etsy still the thing? Is there a better service for this? Does anyone Ebay anymore? What if I only want to ship in Canada? (Undecided on that.) Most importantly, which shops will allow me to give a Toastie discount?
I know in the UK, ebay is still huge for Ebay (confession: I am an Ebay hound. 90% of what I wear is from there), and you can do discounts and be firm on your posting options, etc. But some people dislike how it’s weighed against the seller in case of complaints – there have been some good AskMetafilter posts on it, IIRC.
Thank you! Also, best screen name.
I’m back at work after a brief vacation, and (cries endlessly)
On a related note, I started watching “The Great British Bake-Off” while I was home. How great a show is that??!!
(I’ve only seen the first season, which is all that they have on U.S. Amazon instant video– I need to track down the other seasons on British region 1 DVDs or something, unless you can watch them online somewhere…?)
*cough* irate-pay ay-bay.
GURL check your PBS station they just started a new season.
I lived on GBBO when I was in Germany, and I even found some girls here at school that come over to my dorm every monday to watch it!
(It’s called the Great British Baking Show in the US for some reason)
YouTube!
I love all British competition shows. The Great British Sewing Bee is indeed great. As is The Big Allotment Challenge.
Do we have a reading thread yet? Reading thread!
This week I’m finishing up Death By Black Hole which has been good, but dense. A lot to get through on my early morning train rides! I’ve really enjoyed it though. I’m also listening to the audiobook of Rose Under Fire which is also heavier than I was expecting. My next book needs to be lighter (it will hopefully be the new Terry Pratchett, library permitting!).
What are you all reading this week?
I finished “What If” by Randall Munroe which was great and made me giggle and think.
I also bombed through “A Lady by Midnight” by Tessa Dare on a sick day and enjoyed it lots. I am slowly coming to terms with actually admitting that I like well written romances (as long as the male lead isn’t a control freak alpha dickish dude).
We have a romance thread on The Toast goodreads group! Lots of well written romances with non-dickish heroes, and lots of love for Tessa Dare: https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/2159316-toas…
I have indeed plundered the loins of the Toast romance thread for suggestions (and then compared those to what ebooks are available to check out from the library).
So it turns out that when I get stressed out, all I want to do is sit in a comfy chair with a cup of tea and a book, but I get the most stressed out at times when I cannot do that, so instead I check out all the library books in the hopes that someday I’ll be able to read them, and long story short as of today I have 18 library books checked out. Um.
And I am currently rereading the Tiffany Aching series, because it’s been too long and why not, so hopefully this weekend I’ll get all the way through to Shepherd’s Crown!
I should probably do a series reread before Shepherd’s Crown, but I’m too excited for it so I’ll probably just jump right in. It’ll probably lead to a reread after I’ve finished it though, because that sounds like something I would do.
I definitely get that stressed out just want to escape into a book feeling! I hope you get the chance to do that soon with all your lovely library books!
I have the weekend off! There are things I could go to but I don’t have to! I’m a little behind on household chores, but there will be a lot of library books this weekend, I guarantee.
I just did that last week! Tiffany Aching love!
I just read The Martian, aka Matt Damon Gets Stranded in Space Pt. 2, and I was surprised how much I liked it! Even with all the science. I’m very excited for the movie now.
After that I read I’ll Give You the Sun, which is the best YA novel I’ve read in a looooooong time.
I loved I’ll Give You the Sun so so much. Have you read Jandy’s other book (The Sky is Everywhere)? I loved IGYTS much more but TSIE is quite good too (and made me cry. of course)
This week I finished Caroline Zancan’s Local Girls and the only reason I didn’t immediately start reading it again was the waiting library book– Helluva Town: The Story of New York City During WWII–I don’t want to have to renew again.
I’ve been alternating between the Agency books by Y. S. Lee, and the books Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries are based off of. Both series are delightful! I felt iffy about the first Phryne book, but by the second I was hooked.
Also, I cannoy say enough good things about the Agency. It’s set in Victorian England. The heroine, Mary, is mixed-race, and she struggles between passing for white and exploring her heritage. The books are primarily mysteries, and the author writes with a lot of sympathy for marginalized people–be they women with few options but marriage, or poor people with fewer options still. The series also flips a common trope–Mary is the one who has been trained in spycraft, and her male love interest is the rich amateur who is attempting to dabble in intrigue.
These sound amazing!!!
I love the Agency series!
Still reading Ngaio Marsh books; and am about to start Amitav Ghosh’s Sea of Poppies (and have River of Smoke stacked up too!)
I read The Shepherd’s Crown, which I had a lot of feels about. You might be able to read my review here. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1114793347
I’m 2/10 discs through Death By Black Hole and so far so good! Thanks for the rec last week!
Death By Black Hole would probably be so good as an audiobook! I’m reading the print version and sometimes it gets a little too technical for me to follow as I’m reading it at 7:30 in the morning, but listening to it would probably make it easier. I have found it really enjoyable though, I’m glad you’re liking it too!
And your review on Goodreads is actually what reminded me to put The Shepherd’s Crown on hold earlier this week! So thank you!
I finished “The Buried Giant” by Kazuo Ishiguro a couple days ago and ehhhh… definitely not my favorite. I liked it more than I thought I would, honestly, but it was still a disappointment. Honestly sometimes it felt like the stereotypical “fantasy” elements (pixies! ogres!) were just shoehorned in because that’s what he thought a fantasy novel should include? idk. Granted, these ogres and pixies played a miniscule role in the plot, but then… why include them…? and this is coming from a fantasy fan. Also I normally really like Ishiguro’s “detached” style of writing, but it didn’t work for me in this one.
On a more positive note: I just started Naomi Novik’s “Uprooted” and am really liking it.
i wasn’t too into Buried Giant either, until I hit the end and everything came together so perfectly. there was still so much in the middle though that I couldn’t figure out why it was in the book in the first place, like, what was he trying to get at?
Uprooted is great!
I read Bryony and Roses by T. Kingfisher, a retelling of Beauty and the Beast that was originally inspired by Rose Daughter, and it was great in so, so many ways- especially in the bits with her sister Holly.
I love that book! Bryony and her sisters are wonderful and the gardening bits are just lovely.
I loved her short story (as Ursula Vernon) Jackalope Wives, so keen to find this, thanks.
Oooh, excellent- I will read that this weekend!
Just bought it based on your recommendation!
I hope you enjoy it! I can’t wait to dig into the rest of her work.
Digger (a webcomic, written as Ursula Vernon) is one of my favorite stories in any medium. I need to read her T. Kingfisher things.
I’m reading “The Boys in the Boat,” about the 1936 American Olympic rowing team. I’m enjoying it, because it’s a great story of overcoming the odds and defeating Nazis (I assume–haven’t gotten to defeating the Nazis yet). But the author is using very lofty language, and everything is made very grand and full of meaning. And I just keep thinking about the gender breakdown of this, and how women’s activities never get painted with this narrative of Solemn Significance that makes it all about Humanity’s Struggle and Teamwork and whatnot. So, Toasties, do you have recommendations for any books that *do* treat women’s stories from history as a narrative of Humanity’s Struggle and Overcoming the Odds (NOT “women struggling to be treated as human beings”)? Defeating Nazis is optional.
Recently finished Crazy Rich Asians, pretty fun & made me hungry, and Rubble, which I was pretty excited to read because history of urban demolition, how great & nerdy is that, but it turned out to be not a history or politics book, but like a postmodern arty-philosophical analysis of building demolition? what. no.
Reading Dawn by Octavia Butler now, thanks to a post-Toast meetup used bookstore trip!
Just read “The Vienna Melody” by Ernst Lothar, a family saga set in Vienna. I liked the story and the writing but the translation, editing and printing was atrocious. I can’t count how many times “die” wasn’t translated to “the”, there were dropped articles all over the place (“he got into car”), random capitalizations of nouns that would be true to the original German but not to English, repeated sentences, and soooooo many typos – “huttonhook”, “well-kdown”, “toe” a million times instead of “the”……this edition (Penguin Random House ‘Europa’ edition) needs to be burned with fire and reprinted after a serious edit.
I finished Station Eleven, sniffling over the end as I had not cried over a book since finishing My Real Children. Still thinking about it nearly a week later. There are people who build and people who break, and it was such a pleasure to read the story of people who responded to an apocalypse by choosing to build.
In the meantime, I’ve also read John Scalzi’s The End of All Things and am now having a little Old Man’s War series re-read, for a more light-hearted approach to mass death and destruction.
I’ve got about 100 pages left in Elena Ferrante’s last Neapolitan Novel, “The Story Of The Lost Child,” and omg NINO IS THE WORST. He has always been awful but it seems like every chapter he gets even awfuler. Someone rant about Nino with me!
Isaac Bashevis Singer’s short stories – so many crones, demon witches, and amazing food descriptions, I’m in heaven.
Finished Royal We & Circling the Sun this past week so now I’m on to Dangerous GIrls by Abigail Haas and Jackaby by William Ritter (but nothing’s really holding my attention lately)
Dog thread?! I have so many shelter pups to share.
(alternatively self care thread, because starting to walk dogs at the SPCA is arguably one of the smartest decisions I’ve ever made about my mental health)
can you get a really big box and ship that first lil guy to my house please and thank you
on second thought just go ahead and send all of them
I’ll be over to hug them all after work.
Only if you promise to have lots of tennis balls and love playing fetch.
!!!!!!!!!!
Wait, is that The Green Triangle? I know where that is – I volunteer at the senior dog rescue next door to that SPCA! Has also done wonders for my mental health.
It is! These are all SF SPCA dogs.
(anyone in the bay area come take a dog)
here’s my pup lazing in the grass over Labor Day weekend 🙂
What a mischievous look that pup has. Love.
A+ quality dogs, would pet
Lookit all those smiley faces!!!
So in a what is clearly the SADDEST THING there’s a dog at my local humane society that has no eyes, lost one before being rescued lost the other to severe glaucoma.
I’m really glad it’s a boy because otherwise I would now have a blind pitbull named Regina just so I could constantly explain that “Fetch is NOT happening!”
Here is Gilbert! I take care of him when his mom is out of town. He likes ice cubes, giving kisses, and playing fetch.
And here is Rico! He likes taking naps.
Those dogs, so nice! The last one with the stand-up ears is both friendly and speculative, a thing I like in dogs.
Self-care/critter-related: I would probably have drunk or drugged myself to death or abject misery by now if it weren’t for the pets. I come from Southern Gothic AND Irish stock, and am about the only happy person in my fambly. I credit pets, books and living alone in my very own house.
HELLO WE ALL HAVE TONGUES
I have had my 2 rescued shelter seniors for one week today. They are really starting to get comfortable. (By which I mean, boss me around and destroy a few things with their enormous fluffy tails.)
The cats are still adjusting, esp Anxious Cat. She ventures out, but has not come downstairs since I brought the bears home. (Chow-shepard mix.)
So many delightful dogs! I forgot to take a picture but today I took care of my neighbor’s foster puppy for an hour and a half and was half in love by the end of it. Unfortunately I’m not in circumstances where I can have a pup of my own, but my local humane society needs walkers for their adult dogs. Their volunteer orientation conflicts with my work schedule, but I’m hoping we can work something out.
Toast friends! A bit of a vent post I’m afraid. For about as long as I can remember, every so often I’ll go through periods where I get really tired, and feel slightly disorientated, finding it hard to engage with things like I usually would. Some evenings I’ll be kind of headache-y too, and those evenings tend to be mostly write-offs except for lying in a darkened room and watching Buffy. I’ve decided to try and change my usual approach (i.e. “God Solris, stop being so lazy, just do a thing!”), and try and accommodate these bits of time, or find ways to minimise their impact. So, I was wondering: do any other Toasties ever feel like this, and if so, what do they find helps? (Sorry for the slightly disjointed post: this is one of those periods. :s)
In terms of home remedies, I like coloring books – not those fancy intricate ones, kids’ coloring books – and crayons. Very satisfying when you don’t wanna. Podcasts are nice when you’re headache-y and even the TV glow makes it worse. I like Futility Closet, it’s literally just a collection of random interesting things.
I would also suggest going to the doctor and getting some bloodwork done, though. It sounds like maybe a chronic deficiency of some kind (I have a friend who has cyclical anemia, and it sucks a lot). Or good ol’ garden-variety depression. Either way, there might be a medical cause you could get taken care of.
Colouring books and podcasts sound like really good ideas, thank you: I’ll give them a go. ^^ And, hmm, it sounds like a visit to the doctor’s is probably in order… Thanks again.
Does this happen right before you get your period? I usually have at least a couple days I basically have to write off because I feel so lethargic and tired. I haven’t found a good way to deal with them, though.
*looks shifty* I’m, um, actually a cis man, so this isn’t period related for me I’m afraid. I’m sorry this happens to you too though, and hope it gets better.
I would strongly suggest a medical check-up– it could be nothing, but it could also be any number of medical things that might be treatable (e.g., hypoglycemia, low blood pressure, low iron levels, etc.)
In the meantime, I’d suggest maybe taking a multivitamin with iron, and making sure you’re eating meals at regular intervals.
Oh gosh, I hadn’t even thought about vitamin tablets, which being a vegetarian I really should… Thank you so much for the advice.
Sure thing! 🙂
I believe vegetarians are particularly at risk for B12 deficiency, which can potentially cause similar symptoms to what you described (changes in mental status and mood, low blood pressure, etc.)
Oh gosh, I didn’t know they were some of the symptoms: I’ll track some down today. 🙂
Yeah, this happens to me all the time. For me, it’s just (well, “just” *snort*) fatigue from chronic disease. I’m sorry you find yourself experiencing it, too. What helps is just not beating myself up about it anymore, and letting go of the notion that I should be more productive. Echoing the suggestions of maybe looking into getting some medical analysis done. Good luck.
Aah no, I’m sorry this happens to you too. Thank you for the advice, and I hope things get easier for you.
Yes to medical analysis, if possible. For me, fatigue and headache and general fogginess means my thyroid is acting up (or failing to act, rather.
It also sometimes happens when I am overworked and stressed, and just check out rather than do engaging and interesting things. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with you doing that from time to time! If it’s regular, though, and if you’re unhappy about it, you might want to get some medical advice and/or set up some safety valves, like having a friend come over and hustle you out of the house with your permission.
Thank you, that’s really helpful. I tend to feel guilty even when it just happens once, that’s a really helpful reminder. so It was at its worst twice this week though, and with only my evenings free I though I should start trying to do something about it. (Also safety valves sound like a good idea.) Hope this is one of your unstressful times.
Seconding a doctor recommendation. I have similar symptoms and for me they are neurological – called “silent migraines”, like migraines without the headache (which I also get) but if could be something completely different for you.
Thank you, that’s useful. As an old migraine suffer myself, I hope they don’t come too often for you, and aren’t too bad when they do.
Just a general reply to say thank you all for taking the time to reply, and with such good advice too. I’ve had a couple of blood tests over the last year, with nothing coming up, but it sounds like it might be a good idea to get checked out again. Hopefully it ends up being nothing too sinister. Thanks again!
Have you ever had blood work *while* you’re feeling this way? I wonder if a comparison between the two states could be useful…..
Hmm, thanks, that’s a good point. I think my last one was, but I might see if I can have some more done soon, just in case.
I hope you get some answers. I too know how this feels, and I hope you can find ways to be gentle with yourself and let go of “shoulds.” I have a hard time remembering that self-care is not the same as self-indulgence or laziness too 🙂
Hi Toasties. Happy Friday. This is a bit of a doozie, so I created a burner and am going to post in the reply. Trigger warning: sexual abuse.
My father recently revealed that he used to rape his younger brother when they shared a bed growing up. I didn’t ask for details on what age this happened. He a week or two later he revealed that he used to sexually abuse his younger sister as well, and indicated that he learned that behaviour from their older brother. This all took place 40+ years ago and the siblings all became very good friends as older adults, but it just bubbled to the surface because my uncle has written a book about his life, and a clear line has suddenly been drawn between my dad and two younger siblings. My mother has known for decades – my grandmother told my mom that my dad “turned his brother gay” because my uncle is gay and my grandmother never accepted that. The whole family saga sounds horrible. My grandfather was an angry man who didn’t hesitate to raise a hand to any of the kids, and my grandmother knew about everything and turned a blind eye. Both grandparents died years ago (and tbh I didn’t even fly home for my grandmother’s funeral because she was a Very Cruel Lady). My dad feels relieved to not be keeping a giant secret anymore. I recognize that this happened long before he was my dad, but I feel absolutely horrible for my aunt and uncle. I reached out to my aunt and she offered to share any information with me that I want to know, but I don’t think I want to know details. Our extended family is not close at all and I don’t expect it to ever be – I’m across the country from all of them and pretty thankful for that at the moment, and I don’t want to learn things that will jeopardize my relationship with my parents since I only see my aunt and uncle for a few hours every few years at most and I do see my folks quite a bit more often than that. This isn’t really a question, I just needed to spill. It’s been a tough month learning about all of this family sexual abuse and I feel so bad for everyone involved, and my sister and I feel pretty shell shocked. I hope my uncle gets the closure he needs, and I hope my parents recognize why it was important for him to go through the memoir process even though they probably hoped it would stay quiet. I have a super supportive husband who has been really wonderful to lean on, and all I want to do is retreat into my far-away life with him and never talk to any family again. UGHHH.
Ooof, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Your local sexual assault crisis centre may be a great resource for you if you feel like you need it. They’re more than happy to talk to the family members of survivors, not just to the survivors themselves.
Hey, many thanks. i feel surprisingly good about it, until i think about it! i will check into that. Thanks.
That is a horrible situation, and I’m sorry.
Thanks. It’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.
You have my sympathies. I too learned later in life about an older close relative abusing other close relatives (in their generation). It’s disturbing and disorienting to think that you lived in the presence of a horrible secret without even knowing about it. “Fortunately,” if you can call it that, the abuser in my case had already been so badly behaved to me that I no longer had a relationship with that person. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if that weren’t the case. But I think the key thing for you to keep in mind is that you aren’t required to carry your father’s sins; you don’t have extra moral obligations to your aunt or your uncle as a result of learning about this. Defer to them in how they prefer to handle it. And you are probably better off not seeking out details, unless you have a carefully thought-out reason (e.g., if you genuinely believe your moral judgment would somehow be affected by the specific nature of the actions).
Thanks, it really IS disturbing to know that there was such a giant secret hanging around for my whole life. That’s a really good way to put it. I don’t feel like there’s any reason I should get the details. I love my dad, and these actions happened long before he was a father. He’s very regretful and sorry, and he hopes to be able to rebuilt the relationship with his siblings if they’re ever ready or willing. Thanks for noting about the moral obligations to the victims. I’ve been struggling a bit with that, and that is why I did reach out to my aunt to let her know that I love her. I don’t have that sort of relationship with my uncle at all, but I have been worried that he’ll think I’ve just taken my dad’s side and don’t care about him. He’s just so volatile and always has been that I’m really hesitant about reaching out to him. I’ve got to look after myself first.
Wow, I am really sorry. I’ve found myself in a similar situation this year, finding out things about my father and really just wanting to escape to Antarctica and leave everyone behind, and you have all my sympathy. I would really, really recommend seeing a therapist, even just for a little while. Even though my partner has been incredible, having that neutral space for me has been really important.
This is also my burner account, and I’ve already used my burner email on here connected with my regular account, but if you have some way to get in touch and want to talk, I’m here.
Thanks. I know many families have skeletons in the closet. I’ve been meaning to go to a therapist anyway, so this gives me an extra incentive. Antarctica would be nice right about now though! 🙂
Is anyone else in a world where the MLA jobslist going live today meant anything to them? I don’t want to get into all the wiki madness, and surely there’s no harm in talking in general about things at this early stage? Maybe?
AHA/H-Net are/were more relevant to me than MLA, but bon courage for the coming months, mon ami.
merci : )
Today feels like fall, and all I want to do is go home and bake some bread and read on the rug in my glorious, light-filled living room with my dog and wait for my sweetheart to come home. ALAS, I have too much work for this, due to the short work week. But tomorrow, ohhhhh tomorrow! I’ll wear my coziest sweater and walk my dog along the river.
Here is something, too – many many years ago, in my feckless twenties, I used to have a monthly open house, modeled on my favorite part of a religious upbringing: pancake breakfasts. It was great – people would come and go and bring cartons of milk or eggs or juice as needed, and I think I’m going to start doing it again. Now everyone I know has kids, and I think the open house + food provided format offers enough flexibility around naptimes, etc, that it will be a nice low-key way to see the parents I know as regularly as possible.
I love this idea of a monthly open house. It doesn’t quite work in my life right now (my roommate wouldn’t be up for it, I think, and our space is pretty small) but ONE DAY. And in the meantime there’s our annual New Year’s Day brunch.
Yes! Monthly might end up being a bit of a stretch but I think I’m going to try for it. And one day, you’ll totally pull it off! It’s really fun, what with the kids running all over the place. I also keep a drawer full of toys available as well as lots of (washable) coloring/drawing supplies, so kids can entertain themselves while adults supervise but are still able to chat.
This was actually a specific suggestion in a recent Captain Awkward question about how to see your friends with kids! I think it’s a great idea, personally!
HAHA OH HEY I can’t tell you how PROUD I am of myself for thinking of a Captain Awkward-approved solution independently? Super, SUPER proud. 🙂 We did something like this for my sweetheart’s birthday this year, and it was really fun! I recommend!
On Monday my tiny baby starts 3x a week daycare and I’m both relieved (I can finally get my work done!) and horribly sad (germs! daycare! caregiver bonds! my sweet baby) etc. We tried to hire a nanny, but she wanted $18 an hour and … no.
It will be okay. It is so hard to hand over the wee ones when they are still so wee. . . but if you’ve vetted the place, trust yourself and try to relax (er, “work” I mean). It took me a couple of weeks to chill out about the fact that my daughter was with SOMEONE ELSE for 8 hours a day while I had to work. . . but my mental health improved 100% once I got back to work and then so did my fear/anxiety about day care.
Last night I dreamed I worked at the Kwik-E-Mart, but Apu fired me for chronic lateness. That is all.
Am going to an airshow tomorrow with my husband, his dad and his wife. Husband is not a dad, but his dad jokes are already on point, just in case. His dad just arrived, and while discussing what to have for dinner, husband suggested Thai. His dad’s reply? “I haven’t got a tie!”. It’s gonna be a long, punny weekend.
my significant other’s close friend died suddenly. our (so and mine) relationship has been kind of difficult for a while, i am depressed and they have their own challenges, and we’re just not getting each other as well. i’m so worried i won’t be able to support them, and (selfishly) worrying that if the natural progression of our relationship would have been to break up because of said difficulties, now… i can’t do that. please, help or advice from anyone?
Sorry to hear this. Do you live together? That will make things more complicated, but in either case I think treating SO as you would a friend, i.e., offering specific things you can do to help that don’t completely overtax you by way of condolence, then watching to see if you’re leaning toward breaking up, is the kindest course. You definitely never have to stay with someone a moment longer than you want to, but being decent and upfront about it during a difficult time may let you remain friends.
Sorry I don’t have advice to offer, just sympathy.
Food Thread!
My Happiness Project for September is focusing on food; and my goals are:
Monitor/reduce my sugar intake
Go grocery shopping
Prepare the night before
Try new recipes
I’m noticing how often I want a sugary “treat” – particularly as a reward if I’m dealing with something difficult. Bought new shoes today instead!
Preparing the night before has been great; except this week I’ve been working evenings and now at least, I have more of a handle on how that throws everything off.
I’m not having much luck trying new recipes. From actual recipe books. Which is weird, because my self image is someone who loves cookbooks and trying recipes. Even browsing the big cookbook section at the central library branch didn’t make we want to try out lots of things. IDK. Took out one promising cookbook (beans)
And here’s my made up (adapted from a pinterest recipe) recipe for lentil salad
toss together
black beluga lentils (cooked)
chopped celery
chopped parsley & thyme
cherry tomatoes
bell peppers
olive oil
balsamic vinegar
salt & pepper
Keeps well in the fridge; packs well for lunches.
I managed a recipe from a cookbook this week! The cookbook was “A Salute to Cheese” and the recipe was baked rarebit. It was delicious, but probably better suited for dinner in say, January, when it’s -10. Still, it was progress on using a cookbook from the shelf. Next week I am on my own for dinners a bit more often, so I’ll be making something with mushrooms or green beans (Mr. Thuja dislikes both of those things).
You had me at “A Salute to Cheese”.
Ooooh, rarebit. I remember I used to make a version of that from Frances Moore Lappe’s Recipes for a Small Planet!
I try a lot of new recipes on the regular, but the reason for this is that I get seasonal vegetables from a CSA and am perpetually googling new ways to use them up. I find this arrangement satisfactory enough that in the winter I create food puzzles by buying up whatever’s in the dollar bags at the produce market.
So if you want, you could try buying up some stuff that’s in season where you are (here it’s still corn and tomatoes, plus some autumn squashes and leafy greens starting to come in) and challenge yourself to find something that will combine them.
That’s really how I cook… grab (seasonal) yummy looking ingredients; combine at home. Google recipes as needed (see beluga lentils above – I bought some, had no idea what to do with them, and now I have a new evolving staple of lentil salads.)
Paying attention/reflecting on food and my cooking habits is illuminating – I seem to be less recipe driven than I used to be; and that’s an okay thing! Especially if I let go of the “I should” around recipes/cookbooks.
I have had a ton of luck with One Pan, Two Plates in terms of cookbooks, because it’s the type of book that works on the premise of “here’s an idea, here are six ways to tweak it, and here’s a wine pairing, now go have fun.” Also the recipes are supposedly for two, but always end up feeding the two of us for at least two meals each, which is nice.
Ooo, that does look interesting! And it’s in stock in town!
I second this rec. The beef stew is suuuper good.
Oh jesus yes, Beef Stew In High Heels is RIDICULOUS.
I am now doing a happy-chair-dance because it is very very nearly beef stew season and there is very little in the world that’s better than a giant bowl of that stew and a loaf of hot, crusty bread drenched in melty butter.
I’m having a dinner party with some friends tonight! I’m fine at the cooking, but I always psych myself out with the planning. My plan so far is making sausage stuffed apples, roasted curried acorn squash, a friend is bringing salad, and I’m making an almond and plum galette for dessert.
I feel like there should be some sort of starchy something for dinner as well though. Corn bread? Molasses quickbread? Some sort of pilaf? I’m stuck, help!
That sounds like a very yummy menu to me!
I would think the squash would be enough of a starch-y thing; but we’re pretty into low/slow carbs (see lentils above) these days.
Having said that; I’m LOVE cornbread, and a pilaf sounds like a good match too.
How fun! The husband and I are doing some similar as, we are doing a paleo-ish challenge for September! (I say paleo-ish because I feel like a doofus saying paleo, I don’t have any interest in whether cave-people ate it, we’re eating legumes, and mostly it is about eating more veg/fruit. That being said, paleo cookbooks and recipes have been most useful for recipes). Anywaaaaaay, we’ve made some fun and interesting things! Zoodles (“noodles” made from zucchini)! Spaghetti squash and meatballs! Various date balls! We made a peanut butter date ball that is like a less sugary peanut butter cookie dough / inside of a Reese’s cup kind of situation, and it is divine.
I’m probably paleo-ish by proximity; because my partner is strict about his carbs (few, except for beans) and protein (lots).
I feel better with less bread and rice and sugar in my diet. (But I do misssssss it)
We have a subscription to Eat Your Books, which is a cookbook indexing website that basically lets you search the cookbooks you own for ingredients and keywords (it also indexes some of the more popular cooking blogs and magazines). We have shelves of cookbooks, but before we got Eat Your Books we were super bad about using them. Now we are at least less bad.
Sometimes magazines are easier- I love Fine Cooking- it’s basically BonAppetite for people who want to eat their food, not just look at it. Plus they have a “choose your own adventure” style recipe each issue which is basically training wheels for improvising something like stew or quiche or what have you.
And, for some sort of inspiration, here is quite possibly the best peas & carrots recipe ever : http://www.vegrecipesofindia.com/gajar-matar-reci… (I am quite possibly making all of the mushroom recipes on this site this weekend, I have just decided)
It’s been a weird week. On Wednesday, two of my good friends, separately, lost their dads. One of those friends was supposed to co-host a baby shower for me on Sunday. I wish I could cancel it, because it just seems like the worst possible timing and really callous to go through with it. But I have a number of family/friends flying in from out of town for it, so I really don’t feel like I can do that. The other two hosts (also close with friend #1) are taking over and I’ve offered to help with food prep etc. I’m also going to attend the shiva for the host’s dad on Saturday.
So any tips on how to thoughtfully have a supposed-to-be-joyful event when two people who were supposed to be there, one of whom was going to be hosting, are absent and in mourning, would be most welcome.
Oh, ouch. What a sad situation. Personally, I don’t think it’s callous to go through with it. Quite the opposite. It’s a good opportunity to acknowledge that life and love continue, you know? But I’m not Jewish, so I’m ignorant of any cultural awkwardness this might cause.
Thank you. I don’t think there’s any culturally-specific awkwardness, and I know she would be most distressed if we cancelled it on her behalf. I’m just sad for her (and my other friend), and (like the good semi-Jew that I am) feel guilty about having celebration amidst their pain.
Definitely think ahead of time about a way to acknowledge the losses somehow, openly. I think this will make you and everyone else involved feel better. Maybe you can even as a group take a moment to make a card for the absent friend so they feel remembered and included and thought of, even though they’re not present – not left out. But in a funny way it is very appropriate to still have the baby shower — birth and death, part of life.
Based On A True Story
Mrs. Desilva’s first grade class, one month into the school year, makes a discovery:
Marley Santos has a red dot in her eye.
Marley Santos is an evil robot.
Marley Santos is going to take over the class.
The robot sympathizers must be found and dealt with.
Becky is allergic to hairspray; everyone knows this – everyone. So when Evan tries to nonchalantly pass her a canister of hairspray between morning recess and Language Arts – a blatant attempt to send her to the health room – it becomes apparent that he’s one of them.
A sounding-out of long words, a hastily scrawled note in pencil, shoved to the bottom of a neon-colored Twinkle Toes light-up backpack, away from prying robotic eyes.
Neon spattered backpack tightly strapped to a six-year-old’s back, pinballing through a raging after-school freeze tag battle. She escapes unscathed, schoolbag safely in hand, but others were not so lucky – thirteen of her classmates were frozen that day on the big field. As she nears the fence, one boy, frozen but for his lips, whispers Earn . . . this.
A solemn nod as she turns and runs.
Home now; a sigh of relief, her message safely delivered:
Evan is involved
My friend did a Q&A about helping in the Syrian refugee crisis:
http://www.impact.upenn.edu/2015/09/how-can-i-hel…
I gave to the Red Cross. One feels so helpless. Our leader keeps talking about how we need to balance the needs of migrants with our security, as if all Syrians are terrorists.
Ugh. So today I’m having an attack of the shoulds. This is probably partly because I had the flu, then my period, and THEN the allergy attack from hell, which still has not abated, and despite strong medicine I haven’t heard anything clearly for days, or had a happy tummy.
I *should* feel happy that the increase in my antidepressants kept me from the period-week pit of despair, with bonus missing migraine, but I have to go back down to regular dose now and I’m nervous. I *should* be happy that it’s friday and I can chill out but it was sunny all morning while I was trapped at work and now it’s gloomy and thundering. I *should* be happy that I’m not gaining weight, but I am still unhappy with the weight I am and cannot look at my abdomen in the mirror. At my first pregnancy I was 120 and I am now 20 years older and 40 pounds heavier, but I could deal with that were it not for the stretch marks and the never-going-back skin and the feeling that I’m ruined. I have not had any word from any jobs, nor have any new ones come open, in my state or elsewhere. I *should* be using my free time to knit or schedule lacrosse games for next season or do yardwork or clean or close the pool or work on halloween costumes. But I’m lonely and broke and dealing with a lot of jealousy that showed up during the fight (resolved ok) with college boy last week. I would be a lot easier to not be resentful of the ex if I had my own life to dive into, but I’m really really sick of this (now 5 year) holding pattern. I have caught myself just assuming I’m a spinster, which is not good for anything except self-pity, which I’m trying to avoid, but is hard to do when there is no money. I”m getting sick of having no peers to talk to. I have good friends my age that are wonderful–but well employed, own homes, and are single. I have friends who are my age and fully spinster and I can’t go there. I have mom friends but most by definition are married, even the divorced ones are dating. Everybody asks me how things are going and I”m like, “do you really think if there was a positive update I wouldn’t have shouted it from the rooftops by now? So please stop asking so I can stop being the one who complains all the time”. A good friend long-lost from college just got in touch, but she’s 2 hours and $26 in toll roads plus gas fare away and happily married. All my academic friends are either employed out of state or still working on Phd’s and I’m just feeling…marooned.
I feel like the “shoulds” stage is often (a bloody annoying) one that indicates painful growth – you’re frustrated and fed up at everything, and picking up on patterns and issues in a stingingly clear-cut way; but for all that it’s tiresome, it could be the place you need to be at to beginning moving/dealing/clearing out around them. I know most of my big-ass life changes came out of feeling ground down by frustration.
I hope you sleep well tonight. I hope you can feel lighter in the morning.
Thank you! I’m currently trying to decide whether to leave the house for the dance-of-the-month or stay home and veg. I did work a little on my halloween costume (and very nearly got myself stuck in the mock-up!)
i’m pretty sure I just slept the last entire week but last weekend I was awake long enough to start practicing cutting and polishing stones, and one of the attempts came out was imo pretty cool so ima post it here
Niiiice! Is that some kind of quartz and garnets?
Calcite, I came back from New Mexico with this brick-sized chunk of honey-colored stuff and have been chipping bits off and experimenting with em since. It’s a hair too translucent to really hold the same color it has in the brick, but I still really love the look
Also got a big block of tigereye from the same place that I’m saving for an inlay project or something, that whole state is like a dang clearinghouse for shiny rocks.
Gorgeous!
Awesome! Lapidary is such a rad art.
My favorite thing about my job right now, other than the simple joy we all get from all of this intra-office harmony we’ve been having, is the educational aspect of sales conversations. Customers are going to understand how that wood stove works, damnit, and they’re going to learn about secondary combustion and venting principles. Being a teacher was the plan for years, before I realized I didn’t want a PhD, and now I can teach people stuff, which they may or may not remember.
This week I crawled out from under some health setbacks and got a huge amount of work lined up while the health setbacks were kind of lingering, and now I find myself completely overwhelmed with work (4 books to review, two blog posts for different markets, and a brand new content gig with a 2,000 word a week minimum, so, basically all of that in a week, and go!). Opened the laptop this morning and learned via FB that a good friend has died, and I’m so shocked by it that I can’t even make sense right now. A little worried my health is going to try and tsunami me, but mostly just so damn sad.
I am so sorry, Heathered. Is there any way you can talk through your grief in some of these writing gigs?
Thanks for this, cheekypinky. Since originally posting I’ve been able to make contact with my friend’s kids online, and that helps–I’m too far away to be of immediate help, so it’s all I can do for now. Can’t really process it on the job, though the idea of search engine optimized grief made me laugh and that helped too.
Hey guys, posting in my own reply not to trigger anyone. Got the idea from someone upthread.
OMG Casimir Pulaskitty I love it.
My Calliope has been considering moonlighting as a book end for tuna
and Clio is color-coordinating her ears with my beloved Strawberry Shortcake blankie.
How’s this for a company name on a job I’m doing for work?
“CN Real Estate Group, LLC, d/b/a Chicken Now — No Bones, No Bull. The World’s Best Tenders”
I need money/adulting advice! I recently started freelancing full time (with regular work at 2 different places). I just got my first check, which, yay!! But I also need to figure out how I do taxes now – I know I have to set aside money from each paycheck and do taxes more often? Can anyone point me to any resources?
I don’t know any resources, but it is definitely more complicated when you are freelancing. You need to be paying throughout the year (quarterly, if I remember correctly), otherwise you get hit with a massive IRS bill come tax time (and a small fine, but the worst part is all the money you suddenly find out that you owe). I think you will also have a self-employment tax. My exp with this comes mostly from fellowships and being paid as an independent contractor (and therefore getting Form 1099 rather than a W-4). So I don’t know exactly how your situation would be like, but I would guess similar in terms of paying quarterly taxes throughout the year, and having the self-employment tax.
The Billfold! There’s a freelance editor there who does a “this is how much I put aside for taxes and this is how I figure it out” and then the commenters who are freelancers also add their two-cents. I’ll try to find it.
ETA: http://thebillfold.com/2014/03/heres-a-surefire-t… and http://thebillfold.com/2013/08/six-lessons-i-lear…
Oooh thank you!!
If you download a W9 form, which you’ll need to send to clients anyway, on a subsequent page there is a chart that breaks it down for you, something like 10% of your income up to $8k, 15% for the next bracket, and so on. For the years after this one, you are supposed to pay quarterly taxes based on what you owed last year, in 4 payments, though the rule states you’re supposed to pay 90% of what you will owe.
I’d definitely get a tax person to prepare for you, and give you pointers on how to set up your bookkeeping software to make everything easy. Mine prepares my quarterly slips for me and sends them with the previous year’s return so I know exactly what to pay. He also helped me set up quickbooks to categorize deductions, and he just sends me a worksheet with a bunch of questions and fill-ins, so all I have to do is run reports from quickbooks and fill in amounts and he does the rest.
Also, get a book for your industry that outlines all your possible deductions, because there can be many deduction strategies you may not know about that can dramatically lower what you owe.
^Yup! 1099s can actually end up being far more lucrative than a W2, depending on how you track your expenses and save for your tax bill in April (you will likely owe *something*, since no taxes are taken out of a 1099). Also check to see what the minimum amount for reporting is in your state–you may not have to report everything.
Start with the Billfold links since they’re written by humans, then just hit irs.gov and look for form 1040SE. It’s gross and IRS-y, but not hard at all. Next due date is January 15, last was Sept. 15, so you’ve got time to figure it out. I am pretty intimidated by the numbers side of the writing biz, but I’ve managed to file as a freelancer for the past three years and the sky has yet to fall, so you should have no trouble.
thank you!!! This all helps so much!
Last weekend I went to a TK Maxx with a very stylish friend. Shortly after we started looking around, I approached her saying “Look, I’m usually not obnoxious enough to do this but I thought you might like this?” The shirt I’d found in the clearance rail was her size, from one of her favourite labels, and reduced to clear. I got a “Well done, Dumptruck” that I’m still buzzing from. It’s silly, I know, to harbour such a friend!crush that one little compliment can keep you smiling all week, but being perceived as both useful and discerning is my sweet spot. I’ve spent too much of my life feeling both useless and, well, thick.
This has been my post-workout exhaustion epiphany, then, figuring out just what qualities I long to be recognised for. I feel like it’s probably useful info to yank out of my subconscious and file away somewhere more prominent.
Toasties! I’m reading from my novel (The Daughters, W.W. Norton/Liveright) next week in San Francisco & then Seattle, and if any Toast Person happened to want to go, I would love to see you.
Times & Places:
– Monday September 14, Books Inc, Mountain View, CA, 7pm
– Tuesday September 15, Green Apple Books, San Francisco, CA, WITH KATIE COYLE, 7:30pm
– Wednesday September 16th, Book Passage, San Francisco, CA, 6pm
– Friday September 18th, Third Place Books (Ravenna location), Seattle, WA, 7pm
I will even draw you an Odd Animal Cartoon if you want.
Green Apple Books is right down the hill from me! I think I’m busy Tuesday, unfortunately, but I”ll try to come. Enjoy your readings!
Toasts! Work has been insanely hectic the last couple of weeks (it’s the beginning of the semester, I work in an academic library, and we always get a deluge of reference questions on top of all the “welcome new students” activities we do), but just in the past couple of days things have gotten calmer. And two friends and I are plotting our annual New York Sheep and Wool festival trip for October, so I have a day of sheep- and llama-petting and yarn-buying to look forward to in the not-too-distant future. And speaking of yarn, I’m going home to continue my Orphan Black Netflix binge and knit. (That’s all, my brain is tired.)
Misanthropist friends! I gave a talk today on the subject of my life’s expertise, and afterwards, a Man came up to me to condescendingly lecture me, for 15 minutes, on why my interpretation of my data was wrong, keeping me in the room even though the talk had gone long and I stated when he approached me that I needed to leave for a meeting . His basis for dispute: why, that with no research expertise in this subject whatsoever, he had nonetheless thought about it in his great big man brain and just couldn’t agree with me! Also, he had an anecdote about his grandkids which, of course, outweighs my decade of research!
Please to “grrr” and “argh” along with me at the toxic privilege of this Man, which would be nearly comical were it not emblematic of the systemic and sexist onus to constantly prove oneself that is placed on we females trying to contribute to the sciences!
Grrrr. Argh. GRRRR. ARGH.
I love the phrase “toxic privilege”; just worry you had to be on the receiving end of it.
My heartfelt sympathy for your most recent mansplainathon!
I am definitely familiar with this phenomenon. Go ahead, buddy, use anecdata to support your completely unresearched crackpot theory, to a woman scholar who has written peer reviewed books/articles on this very thing. Happens all the damn time, sadly. So often that there is a tumblr called “Academic Men Explain Things To Me.” Enjoy it at: http://mansplained.tumblr.com/
Work-related post:
I basically just got approval for a standing desk at work and I’m very excited! I sit all goddamn day and I’m sick of it. Does anyone have any recs for nice sit/stand desktop converters below $500? Preferably ones that can be easily moved to different heights and are chrome/black/dark brown? Also, any horror stories from changing to a standing desk I should be worried about?
The converters (at least the nice models) were all too spendy for me so instead I went with a small coffee table (so named by Amazon) and then I cut the legs to the correct height so that when it rests on my actual desk, it is the right height for me to type at when standing. This way I have room for keyboard, mouse, AND my notepad/coffee cup/chapstick/marble-my-daughter-left-in-my-office/calculator (because I am an Old). And THEN I bought a drafting chair — so I can stand or sit, whichever I want, but the desk surface doesn’t have to move. (I did have to stack my monitor(s) on some boxes/books, as well, but they are against the wall so no one has to look at them. A deeper coffee table might address that problem.)
Team Drafting Chair!
Plus it’s way smoother to switch between standing and sitting because you don’t have to stop and adjust the table.
I would do this because it is a lot less $$$, but they just did a whole futuristic redesign thing where I am and they want everything to look Just So, so I’m pretty sure it would be a no 🙁
No kidding, I did research for over a week to find a clock. Granted, it’s a bomb-ass clock and looks really good, but like…
VariDesk! $300 plus shipping, and it works brilliantly, comes in black, adjustable height, and has an app for your desktop that reminds you to sit or stand. We got them in my office last year and love them.
Seconding the recommendation for VariDesk, that’s what I have. You go to the website and download the app, and it tells you when to stand up and sit down.
This is the one I was looking at, so I’m glad a couple people rec’d it. And that’s great to know about the app, thanks!
This week at work I stood my ground about not using a default user icon that’s a male silhouette. My coworkers are all very reasonable people and they understood my reasoning, but the cartoony circle-on-a-blob shapes we had available to us were not very good, and I was afraid we’d end up with a dude icon for ~aesthetic reasons~. But we ended up using a sort of androgynous one with longish shaggy hair that’s actually designed to look like a woman.
BUT the real triumph is that I did not apologize or thank them for putting up with my trifling concerns.
Are there any Toast meetups in C’ville? There should be a few readers here, right?
Oh it’s kind of late but hot sauce recommendations?
I’ve been buying El Yucateco XXXtra Hot (the brown one) for a few years now and I really like it buuuttt I’m looking for something with about the same heat but either
A) a more neutral flavor
B) a flavor that goes better with hashbrowns and/or generic mexican food like a much much hotter Salsa Valentina or a hotter slightly less vinegary tabasco
preferably fairly cheap (like el yucateco)
Tapito! I buy giant jugs of the stuff. Maybe not molten hot though. Have you tired the habenaro green El Yucateco?
I’ve really been enjoying Yellowbird: https://yellowbirdsauce.com/ Habaneros are my favorite pepper by far. Someone at the thrillist did a taste comparison that might help (the first part is all pretty irrelevant, but there’s some combo/pairing suggestions towards the end)
this is the best of all hot sauces: https://jet.com/product/pdp/daab414fded643cab5c2f…
Tapatio’s inexpensive, has a nice bite and less vinegar than Tabasco. And then there’s sriracha…
HELP this is late but it’s a doozy. Exactly one year ago today my boyfriend of 4.5 years who had recently agreed that we would move in together and get married, dumped me on 9-11. He actually went home with me to his place, changed into his PJs, got into bed and then broke up with me. When i stormed out he feebly said, “oh wait, i didn’t mean to do it like this.” Then on the way home he texted me and wrote, “at least tell me you got home safe”. I wrote back he could send someone to get his car and stuff in a bit and send someone to get my stuff back to him. He never replied to that and 2 weeks alter I had to send a friend to his house to enforce to get my spare glasses, etc.
And that was the last of it. He never made an effort. He put the book “1000 questions to ask before you get married” into my bag back to me and blocked me on instagram and I thought, ugh good riddance, thanks for ruining 9-11 for me.
In less time than I expected I fell completely in love. So in love that here it is exactly a year later, and I’m moving across the country to be with my now boyfriend. I’m great. So here I am thinking wow, crazy where a year takes me and then I look at my email and there’s an email from him. Here’s what it says:
Subject line: Good luck and best wishes
Hi [my name],
I want to wish you the best. I know you are moving back east and starting on a new adventure. I’m happy and excited for you, and curious about what’s going on in your life. I don’t expect to find out.
I want to say I’m sorry. You will always mean a great, great deal to me. This message may be unwelcome, and I’m sorry for that too.
You are a good and wonderful person to your core. I am lucky to have been close to you.
Congratulations. Farewell. I wish you all the wonder and peace in the world.
[his name]
UGH. UGH. UGH. There are so many angry things I have to say about this, but what is the perfect response.
Is no response the best?
How about:
Okay, thanks.
How about a link to this: http://jezebel.com/how-to-write-a-saintly-open-le…
What about, “It’s still inappropriate to make 9-11 about you.”
How about, “I don’t care what you think and I don’t forgive you, don’t write me again.”
Anything else anyone else can think of? He’s the worst, the worst and I just hate that he’s patting himself on the back for this useless communication. I want to put him in his place perfectly if I can, but probably I know the best thing is the high road but if anyone has any good zingers….I need to hear them before I reply something like, “Ok. Best of luck to you.”
Why are you even responding at all?
He’s probably heard you have a new boyfriend. It makes him vaguely jealous and he’s picking at old wounds. He knows his letter is unwelcome, and he wrote it anyway–he will count any response as a win.
Do not engage. (But you might also want to consider not complaining about people “ruining” 9/11 for you. It’s not a festive occasion.)
Sorry, that’s sarcasm. I’m aware of the import. I meant that somehow his self absorption always comes on the most inappropriate day of the year.
UGH THAT IS THE WORSTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
What a manipulative shitbag.
I would advise against sending anything back, but IF you were, I would just write back “ok.” I think silence and blocking is the best — his crappy self-serving crap will be shouted into the wind off a lonely cliff at midnight where nobody will ever hear it, plus you won’t ever have to see his name or read his shitty shit ever again.
I would be tempted to just write back “Bye Felicia” but EB is probably right. Dude is a manipulative shitbag and just wants to pat himself on the back for how kind and over you he is and he’ll mentally twist any response you make to reinforce that. Block that asshole and if it would help write out a scathing reply and post it here instead!
Sounds like you won this one. Why not let it go?
There is no percentage in forcing people to understand that they broke up with you all wrong.
NO RESPONSE is the best response. Silence speaks so, so loudly here. Let him twist in the wind, waiting to see what you’ve got to say when, in fact, you care so little that you have nothing at all to say.
DING DING! that’s all there is to say about that.
I don’t think he deserves any zingers. If you want to reply at all, “Ok. Best of luck to you.” sounds perfect and doesn’t encourage any further communication.
Update, no reply has been made, life has been moved on with, email accounts are set up to send any emails from him straight to the trash. Thanks everyone for encouraging the high road. I hope he’s sore about it forever.
The antibiotics worked! My fiancé came home on Wednesday!
He brought some cold he caught in Europe or on the plane with him
I am going to kill him.
Toast! I have just moved to the Bay Area from Melbourne, Australia, and I know…3 people. Is there a fb group or something? Does anyone need a new, awkward nonbinary friend with geocaching skills?
Get thee to the Toast Connections spreadsheet! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_26MiL9WN…
!!!! THANK
Eta: I’m on it now, and I’m willing to host a meet up if others are interested. My contact info is in the appropriate tab.
Bay Area Toastie meetup??? I’d be up for that as a recent return-er! Especially now that the heat has broken praise Cthulu!
I am feeling a deep jealousy of those excited for what used to be my favorite season (fall) because these days I dread fall, because that’s when my fibromyalgia and pain kick into full gear, only made worse by the following up of winter. 🙁
I do look forward to the holidays and food, though.
The cold is often nasty to chronic pain, isn’t it? Wishing you the relative safety of toasty blankets and a warm home so you can still enjoy looking at the colder weather this season.
And tea. Always tea. 🙂
Thank you so much!
I have no idea how to deal with passive aggression; I've never been able to. I attended some webinar a couple of months ago about communication styles, and though I regrettably don't remember most of it, I remember one tip I found interesting, which is really hard for me to do: separating the person from the communication style. As in, it could be the particular atmosphere that is for some reason affecting how they communicate, and they could act totally differently when faced with conflict in other circumstances. Not that this is what's happening with your boss, but I thought it was an interesting way too look at it. Still at a loss for how to actually deal with passive aggression, though. I mean the whole reason people use it is b/c it's hard to acknowledge up front.
For me, it turns out that, because I'm quiet (not shy, but introverted) and come to my ideas after considering them for a while, I need a boss who's not going to talk over me or expect me to be an extravert. I need one who will ensure that I feel comfortable contributing my ideas. Thus far I have had a very laid back supervisor and this has worked extremely well for me, because I know I can come to her, but she also gives me some leeway without having to justify/defend every tiny decision I make to her. It has given me the freedom to spend time really thinking about things which in turn has made me a better employee. I have learned recently, though, that my closest coworkers really like more structure than that; to a degree that might actually cause me to lose my (figurative) voice a bit and shrink into myself somewhat. Now, it seems like the boss we'll be getting is more along the lines of what I prefer, but it's still been interesting to learn. /end rambling. 😛
thank you!!! This all helps so much!