Toasties, let’s all eat cake. Also, what’s your favorite vegetarian entree that doesn’t involve carrots, bell peppers, or tofu? The Bartender wants to make something AWESOME!
Open-thread!
Cocktail Hour: Open Thread
Toasties, let’s all eat cake. Also, what’s your favorite vegetarian entree that doesn’t involve carrots, bell peppers, or tofu? The Bartender wants to make something AWESOME!
Open-thread!
OH HEY, speaking of cake-ish things. What are your favorite party snacks to eat or to make, assuming you don’t have a full kitchen available? I’m hosting a party for 100 in a storefront soon, and want to have some good eats besides cheese/crackers/pate/popcorn (and cake. 5 different cakes and a few cheesecakes, yes.)
It’s very potlucky, but I really like those snacks that are cream cheese and such rolled up in a tortilla and then sliced.
I’ve never seen that, but that sounds great! Corn or flour tortilla?
Flour tortillas. They’re basically this, but you can totally switch up the fillings to make them vegetarian and probably sub something like hummus if you wanted to make them vegan.
Similarly, I really like cream cheese rolled up in lunch meat! Ham is the best but turkey with dill cream cheese is also a contender. Candied nuts are good too!
I very much enjoy this idea with cream cheese, dill and smoked salmon rolled up together.
Oooh, making it all fancy! I like how you think. I might add capers in there as well.
Or– spread out some cream cheese in a dish, cover it with chipotle raspberry sauce (is that stuff widely available? I think they keep it with the bbq sauce in the store) and serve with corn chips. So good.
You really can’t go wrong with cream cheese-based snacks.
Is meat-eater stuff okay? If so, Melissa Joulwan has a host of appetizer type stuff on her website. I really like her Grain-free Dolmas. If you are vegetarian/vegan, there’s her Spiced Olives and Not really sushi rolls.
Happy partying!
How about something with dried fruits? An elegant plate of figs & dates, with some fresh grapes, say.
this IS cheese and crackers, but Jessica Valenti’s baked goat cheese with garlic and olive oil (published on this very site!) has always been a HUGE hit at my house.
also, these pretzel bites take a while but are just…so, so good.
I am fond of little sandwiches, like tea sandwiches. If you cut regular bread into triangles you can knock out a bunch pretty quickly, and guests can hold them and gesticulate without too much crumbification or drippage.
I favor sandwiches with cream cheese to hold it together–my mom used to make a bangin chicken cheeseball with canned chicken, cream cheese, and olives–but that can be high calorie and expensive, so you can also do pretty well with very flat foods (cheese and prosciutto slices) or other sticky spreads like pesto or tapenade.
hummus! I love Heidi Swanson’s hummus recipe. And if you’re feeling real fancy, make your own pita chips in the oven (pita bread + brushed with melted butter/olive oil) + salt + oven ’til crispy)
aaaand of course anything Ina Garten.
I like veggie sticks as an addition to party snacks, because they’re a nice change if/when I have eaten too much cake and cheese and crackers and so on. Those trays of pre-cut veggie sticks with a container of ranch dressing at the grocery store are often pretty decent.
Cheese straws! Roll out pre-made puff pastry, brush it with beaten egg, scatter over lots of grated cheddar, fold half of the pastry over the rest so the cheese is all on the inside, cut into strips and bake until golden. Very little effort and really nice. I also love the carrot hummus, although it’s a bit more time-consuming. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/may/…
Tapenade is a nice addition to a non-full-kitchen spread. It’s forgiving to make and keep out in the open, and there are a billion recipes. Works for flat-break or crackers or chips. If you want to make pre-made, smear it on crackers or bread with some cream cheese or goat cheese.
Pesto as a dip can be nice, just make it of an appropriate thickness. Fresh basil, pine nuts, salt, olive oil in a food processor, maybe throw it out with some crostini or just some fresh baguette slices.
Not to be too obvious, but I am crazy for prosciutto and melon, or prosciutto and lightly steamed asparagus.
Actually, a nice garlic aioli with cold, steamed asparagus would be nice and would last for a good couple of hours. (And honestly, you can cheat the aioli but throwing mayo, dijon mustard, paprika, and raw garlic in a blender, and it’ll be hardier for sitting out for a bit. Not that I would ever cheat that way. More than once. A year.)
If I have tons of people and minimal budget, another go-to is deviled ham blended with cream cheese and parsley, spread on thin slices of toasted bread or Melba toast. it does need a sprinkle of parsley on top because it’s not pretty.
This sounds so fun! What’s the occasion?
These all look awesome, and seem manageable without an oven or microwave. Thanks! Occasion is an evening party after a morning wedding. 😀
Cheese related, but delicious and SUPER easy: little toasts (I like to slice up Cuban bread thinly, but a baguette would work as well) topped with Gorgonzola + peach or apricot jam. It’s one of my staple appetizers and it’s always a hit. You just spoon a little of each on the bread, then toast it for like 5 minutes in the oven to warm up the cheese a bit. You probably could even skip the warming bit if need be.
If you’re not tapped out on sweets, my go to is home made rocky road. It’s really easy to make at home and bring along.
Melt some cooking chocolate.
Stir in some coconut.
Get some form of tray and line it with baking paper.
Thow a collection of rasberry jubes, almonds, and marshmallows into the tray.
Pour the chocolate and coconut mix into the tray.
Give it a bit of a shimmy to make sure the chocolate mix goes all the way down to the bottom of the tray and between the lollies/nuts/marshmallows.
Bung it in the fridge to set.
When it’s half set, pull it out and score the chocolate into squares – that’ll make it easier to break up later.
When it’s fully set, pull it out, break it into squares, and bring it along.
Mix it up a bit by using chopped up snakes or gummi bears or flavoured marshmallows or different nuts.
If you’re all good for sweets, sliced pears layered with quince paste and a sharp cheese are both impressive and addictively delicious.
omg devils on horseback! devils on horseback! (i.e. dates rolled up in bacon… make sure you get pitted dates.)
They do require an oven, but maybe a toaster-oven would do. And they are magically delicious with minimal work!
Crudites with green goddess or bagna cauda for dipping, smoked bluefish pate, belgian endive leaves with goat cheese or blue cheese or whatever nested in the end. Marinated vegetables in different colors, laid out in color bands.
I’m a day behind, but one of my #1s is deviled eggs. My recipe is pretty simple:
Boil as many eggs as you want (generally I count an egg per person when it’s the only thing, and then 1 egg per 2 people if there will be more options, and so on). Let them cool, peel them, slice them in half. Take all of the yolks out of the whites as carefully as possible and put them in a bowl. Add yellow or brown mustard (your preference), a little bit of horseradish (varies based on how many eggs, I generally do a half teaspoon for a little over a dozen, but you might want to flex that depending on your audience), and then a ton of paprika. You want so much paprika that the egg yolks are tinged a little bit by the color. Then, after you’ve mixed that together, scoop it into a ziplock type bag, cut a bottom corner off the bag, and squeeze out little dollops into the center bowls of the egg whites. Garnish with a little bit of paprika and maybe some parsley, and you’re done! It’s one of my favorite snacks ever!
Well, this is late so I hope it’s still useful – melba toast, whipped cream cheese with chopped dill mixed in, piece of smoked salmon, dill frond on top. I took the original recipe (link below) and modified a little bit for a New Years Eve party a couple years back and they were GOBBLED.
http://natashaskitchen.com/2013/07/05/smoked-salm…
Pretty much all the recipes on this page look delicious… I made the Everything Bagel White Bean Hummus too and it was great: http://www.buzzfeed.com/christinebyrne/delicious-…
vegetarian entrees…i like leek and potato soup, sweet potato mash, veggie sushi with pickled radish and avocado. but just last night, i had a leek soufflé, and oh man, that was decadent and amazing.
it’s been kind of a crazy week, mixed good and bad, but this weekend i’m going to relax, get a haircut, and then go see angel olsen and neko case in the park for free and it will be sooo goooood.
also, i bought tickets to get my aura photographed later in the month. have any of you guys ever done that? i’m pretty sure i don’t really believe in it, but the photos are gorgeous.
So many good vegetarian soups! I have a great carrot ginger soup recipe that I’m planning on making again next week in honor of cooler weather and I’m also a big fan of 13 bean soup with lots of added garlic and onions and tomatoes and such.
love love love carrot ginger, it’s my favorite and i would have suggested it if the bartender didn’t say no carrots. why no carrots? carrots are amazing, and in the winter, you can roast them with garlic and cumin and coriander or even a little harissa, and they’re so good and earthy and warming.
Carrots + harissa is the best. Not at this time of year, but in summer? The Smitten Kitchen carrot salad with harissa, feta, and mint? SO GOOD.
my mom has always made a cold one in summer and i’ve adapted it into a served-hot one for winter, so i can happily eat carrots year round. yum yum yum
No carrots…I do not get points for reading comprehension today do I? Oh well, that just means more carrots for the rest of us!
I’ve been eating my way through a giant batch of harira soup this week, loaded with lemon and garlic and ginger and turmeric. So comforting.
Harira! I haven’t made that in a while, I’m going to have to add it to my “it’s fall make all the soups” list to remind me.
my friend just posted what she said is the best harira soup recipe: https://consideringtheradish.wordpress.com/2015/0…
So I’ll be trying it soon!
Leek and potato soup! In a giant pot!
(then get some canned clams and throw them into the leftovers, magical)
ooh, i’ve never done that but i’m imagining it and i bet it is delicious.
It’s like this mystical transformation from lovely comforting potato-leek soup to HOLY SHIT THAT IS ACTUALLY CLAM CHOWDER
YOU ARE A GENIUS. Bless you!
I eat a lot of vegetarian entrees! This is my favorite, though, and everybody loves it, and it’s very good for dietary restrictions: braised coconut spinach and chickpeas with lemon.
For something fancier, I made a quiche with cabbage and caraway a while ago, and I really liked that, too. Don’t remember where the recipe was from– maybe Martha?
On a similar note, the Smitten Kitchen spinach and chickpeas is delicious!
Also pasta primavera, with whatever veggies you like or have on hand and some garlic in olive oil. Or pies! Dinner pies, my favourite is this greens and feta one.
ohhhh the spinach & chickpeas looks SO GOOD. Making it ASAP.
Ahhh! If you’re willing to share the photographs when you get them, I’d love to see yours because yes I think it’s silly but I agree they’re just so pretty.
if it comes out nicely, i will definitely share! they’re just so dreamy! hopefully i will look like a classy witch.
Nice! I love the aura photographs – – Kirlian photography is really neat, even if I don’t “believe” in it.
yes, even if i don’t think the colors really mean anything, the electrical discharges photograph so beautifully!
As far as vegetarian entrees go, I am very fond of kidney bean curry and basically every form of lentil patties. Also hearty gratins!
Sweet potato soup, with peanutbutter. So good.
oooh. this sounds good! do you have a recipe?
This recipe is similar to the one I have at home, but mine doesn’t call for peppers. I don’t like spicy. http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/sweet_potato_pe…
I might make bean and cheese enchiladas with soyrizo this weekend.
Oh, I had my aura photographed with that same company…the best part is when they peel the cover off of the photo and everyone gasps with utter delight and surprise…When we were waiting outside of the room for the people before us to finish, we could not figure out what on earth they were doing! This made it completely worth it, even if you don’t really buy in.
Also you have to stay perfectly still for several seconds, so practice your best long-term still face.
i’m excited! thanks for the tip about having to hold a pose!
I have completely re-written my meal plan for the week because of this thread! And as for delicious vegetarian go to meals? We thickly slice Portobello mushrooms toss them in olive oil and Montreal Steak Seasoning and grill them up. If we are feeling decadent we put a pat of butter on them. Serve with a fresh green salad and a hearty red wine…yum
what’s your favorite vegetarian entree that doesn’t involve carrots, bell peppers, or tofu
Um…wine?
Hey, so I knocked ten bucks off all the bloomers in my shop. Now’s your chance to snap up a pair for only $20 plus shipping.
Who else has Etsy stores? Running any seasonal sales? Link your shop in the comments!
* runs immediately over to Etsy to buy dragon bloomers that will fit my now smaller bum * THANKS 🙂
Oh and recent quote from my mom who saw me wearing my bloomers as pajamas: “How could something so silly be so cute!?”
COME ON MOM BLOOMERS ARE SRS BZNS
For real. Give the word BLOOMERS the respect it DESERVES.
Those are so cute! I have two pair picked out but ….. TRIGGER ALERT FOR BODY ISSUES BELOW
Please see my size question.
(5’2″ 128lb slim-hipped, bit of a tum – size?)
I can’t help you without knowing measurements, sorry! The waists are drawstring, so adjustable, and there’s plenty of room in them for tum and booty (I have both!). If it helps, the woman in this photo and this photo is about 5’3″ and around 125lb and is wearing a size A. But really, measurements are your best way to go. Hip measurement is the crucial one, since they don’t go quite up to the waist (they sit low) and can be pulled more or less snug at the top and thighs.
Eh. I went ahead and got them because they are so cute. If they don’t fit me, I have 5 nieces of assorted sizes.
Thank you! It’s never too early to start holiday shopping! =D
I have already picked out my bloomers. They are ridiculously charming, and I will be getting some as gifts as well. My best friend is a lingerie fiend and these will be a fun and whimsical addition to her collection. I love your shop!
Also your favorite vegetarian entree. I’d’ve gone with champagne, but, it’s in the ballpark.
HOW HOW HOW have I never seen this photo before now?
Thank you and I’m so glad you like the shop!
Marinate some giant mushroom caps in something delicious, slice them up, and make tacos/burritos/fajitas. (Incidentally this is what I’m having for supper. MrChouffe’s mother is vegetarian so this is definitely on my mind as of right now.)
HELLO ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
I eat so much vegetarian food and this week had one of my favorites that doesn’t involve tofu, carrots, or bell peppers! It’s a recipe from a Carla Hall cookbook for an African peanut stew thing. Sweet potatoes, little red beans, some other veggies, peanut butter!!, and topped with parsley and mint and chopped roasted peanuts. It’s pretty great. I have a PDF somewhere, if people want it!
That sounds delicious, I’d love the pdf!
Email address?
hawthorncrataegus (at) gmx (dot) com!
DONE.
Hello, Missus!
THAT’S MEEEEE
An’ I’m sure tha’rt a graidely wife an’ all.
Favorite vegetarian entree that doesn’t involve carrots, bell peppers, or tofu? CHEESE.
PS – Outlander update for everyone who weighed in a few weeks ago: I quit after the first half of the book, when Jamie went from polite dude to violent rapist. Oh well! Now taking suggestions for excellent historical romance with a good grasp of enthusiastic consent. Bonus points if it’s available on Audible or iBooks.
Cheese. Yes. * nods sagely *
Have you read Courtney Milan? The Duchess War is free on Amazon and probably on iBooks too.
I have not! I’m a total n00b to the romance genre so I’m looking for some inroads! I will check out Courtney Milan – thanks for the tip!
I was also coming to vote for Courtney Milan. Her boxed set of my favorite of her series is on sale at the moment: http://smile.amazon.com/Brothers-Sinister-Complet…
Sarah Maclean. All of her stuff is delightful. Bonus points for punny titles.
Sounds perfect! Thank you!
Rose Lerner! Also, we have a romance novel thread on the Goodreads Toast group- lots of recommendations there!
THERE’S A TOAST GOODREADS GROUP???? where have I been all this time?
Also, the best vegetarian entree if you want to feel cozy is eggplant parmesan. I don’t bread the eggplant, just dry it out with salt and then fry it, but Marcella Hazan’s simple tomato sauce + real mozzarella make it amazing.
Oooh, I’ve been making a version of this lately but with roasted zucchini slices in casserole format. It kind of ends up like a lasagne, but with zucchini instead of pasta. A+++.
Ohh, that sounds good. <3 Marcella.
Pro-tip about eggplant which I learned during a brief stint as a volunteer tester for Cook’s Illustrated: If you want to dry out your eggplant but avoid the pesky salting step, chop and pile eggplant on a plate on a few coffee filters or paper towels. Microwave for 10 minutes. Also works with tofu. It removes a lot of the water and helps retain the shape of whatever slice/cube/whatever you did.
I bought supplies to make the Marcella Hazan’s simple tomato sauce for the first time this weekend. Now I think I’ll pick up an eggplant and some mozz as well!
i do it this way too for a grain-free alternative, and i love it!
Toast, do not worry. I have an appointment with the doctor on Monday about my mortifying medical problem, and the nurse recommended on the phone that if it worsens over the weekend to go to emerge. Which I can do now since I have health care again! But she also said it would wait until Monday if not worsening so I feel somewhat better. But still I hope against hope I am not the most embarrassing thing in the clinic on Monday.
Also, life is hard. My office power is out and I am eating cold lunch listening to the incessant beeping of an alarm. My boss is a nightmare human being, the world is a strange place, etc.
The last time the power went out at my office, we were sent home after 15 minutes. I’m guessing that’s a no-go with your horrible boss, though 🙁
In my office we can be without power for hours, but JUST IN CASE IT COMES BACK we keep everyone here, unless they have a laptop, in which case they’re sent home to work. Ugh.
Us too! It’s the worst.
So far this morning the office building has had a fire alarm and a power outage. Crossing my fingers for no floods or plagues of locusts, and boo to your boss.
I too have had a nightmare boss. Mine moonlighted as the queen of hell in her spare time and enjoyed kicking puppies off of bridges. You have my sympathies.
I don’t know what your mortifying medical problem is, but as a clinician I will tell you some good news: If you really have a very mortifying problem, the staff are likely to treat you with great sympathy. We are humans too, and I have certainly seen some cases that had my colleagues and I wanting to hug the poor patient. I hope you get better soon.
Good for you!!! Here’s to hoping it remains in check and you can have a low-key Monday visit.
Boo on your boss. I am scowling in their direction on your behalf.
OTTAWA AREA TOASTS: Gelato and movie tomorrow night! Meet at Stella Luna and we’ll sort out a movie from there?
Edit: Meet at 7?
Yessss. I will probably be there a bit earlier to maximize my gelato-eating time.
Let’s talk book recs! I’ve realized that almost all of the books I’ve gotten the most pleasure out of in recent years share some key traits: female author and female protagonist; written before 1970; London an/or English village setting; excellent prose style; combination of wit with fundamental melancholy. Some all-time favorites would therefore include: Barbara Pym, “Excellent Women” (and so many others); Elizabeth Gaskell “Wives and Daughters;” Iris Murdoch, “The Bell;” Sylvia Townsend Warner, “Lolly Willowes;” Stella Gibbons, “Nightingale Wood;” Elizabeth Taylor, “The Tortoise and the Hare.”
Are there books in this “cozy but sad” vein I need to read? I’m currently reading and LOVING Rebecca West’s, “The Fountain Overflows.” And I’ve always been curious about Jane Gardam but don’t know where to start!
Have you ever tried Monica Dickens? I liked “Mariana” quite a bit. It’s very water bottle cozy in that enjoyable way that Pym can be.
Yes! Seconded. Loved Mariana!
Thanks for this tip!!
You’re very welcome! I’m looking forward to reading some of the books that you mentioned in your first comment as well as the many books that others have recommended in this thread! (I’ve been a lurker on The Toast for a long time but have always enjoyed how welcoming and wonderful everyone is here!) So, I guess, thank *you* too! ha!
The Winds of Heaven, also by Dickens, is good too, although it errs more on the bleak side than the cosy one.
Have you read any Dorothy Whipple? My favourite books are basically the same as yours – UK post WWII ladies humorous/sad/banal. Barbara Pym’s my favourite, and I adore Nightingale Wood. So, Dorothy Whipple, and maybe also Elizabeth Taylor (I didn’t know about her until I read Barbara Pym’s letters and got a few out the library – pretty good!)? Also, I sort of enjoy just ordering a bunch of books that are published by Persephone Books from the library and seeing if I like them or not (it’s 90% always a yes). Also I really enjoyed Diary of a Provincial Lady by EM Delafield and did various snorts of laughter whilst reading it.
Ooh the Persephone backlist looks like something I could get very, very into. Thanks!
God I love the Toast. A whole bunch of women who read the same odd and precise genre of literature as me! Have you tried Angela Thirkell’s novels? They are very similar to Diary of a Provincial Lady. Also similar is the Ms. Buncle series by D.E. Stevenson. Neither author is melancholic, however.
I love Diary of a Provincial Lady so much! The first time I read it involved lots of cackling out loud. (Although these expectations of EM Delafield as hilarious meant I was unpleasantly surprised when reading her novel Consequences, one of the grimmest books ever. Don’t make my mistake! Manage your expectations.) And yes, Persephone books are consistently pretty great.
Oh, actually, the book I just mentioned downthread might fit the bill. Katherine, by Anya Seton.
I loved Katherine! Historical fiction is a whole other category for me. I’m always up for any recs that focus on medieval women’s lives. (Loved Hild and Kristin Lavransdatter is an all-time favorite.)
yay Kristin Lavransdatter! such a good set of books – I hope more Toasties try them! (It’s a trilogy).
I recommend Winifred Holtby. “South Riding” is the most famous / well-regarded.
Ooooh, she does seem right up my alley. Thanks!
“Cozy but sad” is a great genre description.
Sadly not written by women, but at least not written by white men, are two books I finished recently and loved– The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro, and Anil’s Ghost by Michael Ondaatje.
I’m in kind of a book block though. Nothing sounds good and I’m not reading anything. I finally got my library card (moved last year) but the local library is kind of dismal and doesn’t have a great selection to browse.
Nancy Mitford, ‘The Pursuit of Love’, Dorothy Sayers, ‘The Nine Tailors’, Elizabeth Bowen, ‘ The Heat of the Day’. Especially ‘The Heat of the Day,’ actually. There’s a weird feeling to it that most books don’t have (It’s Friday afternoon, and I’ve lost all abilities to be more articulate than that).
I really loved Heat of the Day when I read it ten years ago (although I seem to recall not liking the ending?). The Death of the Heart’s been on my list for a while now, too.
To be completely honest, I have no recollection of the ending, but just remember feeling sad.
This may be inaccurate and SPOILER ALERT but I seem to recall her lover turned out to be a Nazi spy and she was still kind of into him? Or am I crazy?
I thought that happens halfway through?
Very possible! The whole thing’s a blur.
Yes to The Pursuit of Love. I would also recommend Love in a Cold Climate.
Hilary Mantel does not meet your time requirements, but some of her works would probably be right up your alley, especially the less “historical” works. Every Day Is Mother’s Day was such, and striking.
You might like M. E. Braddon? She was a wildly popular sensation novelist in 19th/20thC England. She’s as attentive to character development and class issues as Gaskell, but usually throws in mistaken identities or secret treasure just to goth it up a bit. Also, she throws out many references to other popular writers and artists of the time, which I love. Nothing like an unexpected snark on Pre-Raphaelites.
Some of the same major problems as any 19thC white lady author–there’s some flagrant orientalism at work in some of her texts, and while she’s got some fascinating female protagonists they are not always as critical of the gender industrial complex as you’d hope. Also, storybook gothic-style madness used as plot device. But if you can overlook such issues for Braddon as we do for the Brontes, you may find her books pretty cozy and engrossing.
She sounds like a lot of fun–thanks!
Dodie Smith! I Capture the Castle fits right in with your list I’d say.
Oh, I LOVE I Capture the Castle. Such a good one!
If you don’t mind technically-YA, the Montmoray/Fitzosbourne journals by Michelle Cooper are lovely, and quite I Capture the Castle like–about the genteel-but-impoverished “royal family” of a teeny island from 1936-1946, and teeming with lovely historical detail and cameos–the eldest telling off Oswald Mosley at dinner parties and Sophie (the narrator) hanging out with Kit Kennedy and being warned that her brothers are “NST–Not Safe in Taxies” and so on. Very similar in voice to Cassandra Mortmain. There are sad parts (it’s WWII, after all) but some deliciously funny and very sweet moments.
I’ve had Excellent Women on my bookshelf for YEARS. I don’t even know when I got it, but I’ve never gotten around to reading it (possibly because of judging a book by its cover, http://www.amazon.com/Excellent-Women-Barbara-Pym… is not at all interesting to me as a cover). But because a Toastie recommends, I’m putting it to the top of my to-read!
I don’t have anything to recommend in turn, unfortunately, except that I am excited to read The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood as I have never been let down by her books in the past. Sometimes her books are cozy, they are always sad.
Excellent Women will change your life! And then read A Glass of Blessings and Jane and Prudence. Wonderful, wonderful books.
And Enchanted april by elizabeth von Armin. So good!
This may not be exactly your definition of “cozy but sad” but my first thought was A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki. There’s a line on like the first or second page, when a letter writer asks, “Do you have a cat and is she sitting on your lap? Does her forehead smell like cedar trees and fresh sweet air?” It made my heart burst. It’s so beautifully written.
Rosamond Lehmann, absolutely. And more recent but they don’t feel it, Anita Brookner.
I am also very fond of books fitting your criteria. I read Nightingale Wood recently and enjoyed it a lot. I also read Gibbons’ book Westwood not long ago, and absolutely loved it. It’s set in London in the 1940s, and has absolutely no patience with people’s airy-fairy nonsense and champions common sense instead, which I always like. There is a particularly awful male character who is described, perfectly, as follows: “Like most seekers for an ideal woman, he did not really like women, believing that they disappointed and failed him on purpose”.
You are very likely to have read some or all of these already, but just in case you haven’t, some recs:
Miss Pym Disposes by Josephine Tey – a mystery, but one in which the mystery itself doesn’t crop up until very late in the book. Until then it’s all close observations of character and oddly fascinating descriptions of life in a 1940s (ish) sports training college. Almost exclusively female characters.
Dorothy Sayers’ Lord Peter Wimsey mystery novels are also wonderful, although sadly have a male protagonist. Except for Gaudy Night, the penultimate one, which has a female protagonist and is absolutely amazing. I would definitely read the books leading up to it first, though.
Rumer Godden, In This House of Brede – set in a Benedictine monastery (with nuns, not monks, so it is all women all the time) in the 1950s. The Greengage Summer and The Peacock Spring are also very good, although set outside England (France and India). Fundamental melancholy is definitely a thing, though.
Antonia White’s books Frost in May, The Lost Traveller, The Sugar House and Beyond the Glass are much heavier on the melancholy side than the wit side, but very good. Key themes: Catholicism and mental illness.
I Capture the Castle! English village, female author, female protagonist, excellent prose style, wit/melancholy combination. It’s brilliant.
One of my very favorites, by Connie Willis, To Say Nothing of the Dog is marvelous, funny and smart and sweet. Time traveling Oxford historians trapped in the Blitz. In the same universe is Blackout and All Clear. Historians stranded in 1940s England, and much less overtly funny and more heart-yanking than “To Say…” but it retains both it’s intelligence and wit, as well as its heart. Connie Willis is amazing.
It’s not written by a woman, but otherwise “cozy but sad” fits perfectly a truly excellent book I read recently: Edmund de Waal’s The Hare with Amber Eyes. It’s more of a family memoir than a novel, but it is beautifully written and evocative and just gorgeous and thoughtful.
Sorry to jump in a day behind everyone else, but if you’re still adding to the list, ‘The Towers of Trebizond’, by Rose Macaulay, fits your specifications almost perfectly (the one exception being that the first part of it isn’t set in England; but the main characters dauntlessly carry Englishness about wherever they go, so that mightn’t matter). It’s a meandering, humorous travel narrative, which – in between pleasant digressions on archaeology, Anglican ritual, camels, spies, enchanters, plaigiarism, and other things – is about separation from God and the pain of having an irreparably divided heart.
I’m still disappointed that the raccoon-squeezing story turned out to be a lie.
It did??? NOOOOOO
ditto 🙁
Toasties, I am having my first ever frustratingly difficult day at my new job, and it’s because a number of my colleagues have become magically incompetent. I don’t understand! COLLEAGUES: YOU ARE ALSO SO SMART AND CAPABLE AND WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THESE RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS?
I am the most junior of my colleagues. And I totally get that there are some things I do way more often than they do, and I’m happy to be the ‘expert’ there. I’m even happy to be their tech consultant, and i also take on way more than my share of the emotional work (it’s a team of all women, and they recognize the work that i do there, so, it really is fine).
But when they ask me REALLY basic questions about things they really ought to know, I get preeeetty nervous.
I am not the most junior (which is weird still, very new and weird). But like, there is someone more junior than me who does the day-to-day social media implementation, which I work on at a strategy level? And today she can’t seem to write the Facebook posts without consulting me. And another colleague was asking me whether the article we wrote for a partner should be sent to them as a Word doc or the Google doc or whatever, and he’s the one managing this partnership, I don’t know what they want!
Is it possible they are experimenting to find how much of their work they can manipulate you into doing for them? Even if they don’t realize they’re doing that?
I’m often the only one in a small office with any comfort with technology. When the questions get scary-simple, I try to remember to phrase my responses this way:
“What happens when you open a new tab?” “What happens when you use a different browser?” “What happens when you type that question into the address bar?”
It pushes them to do at least one more step without me.
That’s definitely an approach that I’m trying as much as I can. We’re a very small team (like, 10 people? ish?) and I’m super intrigued by how quickly my colleagues are seeing me as an expert of sorts.
Well.
If I’m going to come out to anyone it may as well be my toastie mentors.
I will be dating this amazing girl in less than 24 hours. We were going to label it as that earlier but we have a penchant for the dramatic so we want to do the big reveal at the big Black Cat (homecoming) dance.
We’ve been taking midnight walks around our gorgeous campus…watching awful Bollywood together…swing dancing (I lead)…
Anyways on one of these walks she takes me down to the rose garden by the alumni pond and…we kissed. It was freaking romantic and amazing and I’m so happy. Im a walking 1930s pulp fiction women’s college stereotype. It’s unlike any other relationship I’ve ever had and I’ve always questioned my sexuality. I’ve always liked really feminine guys and they usually came out to me, which is great for them and I fully support them but it always was a bummer. But I have no anxiety around her. Watch this space.
DRAMATIC GEAR SHIFT TO COLLEGE TRADITIONS
We are deep in the throes of Black Cat, our version of homecoming. The classes are assigned a color and they choose a class mascot. I can now reveal we chose the SPRITES! So last night was the most stressful night for me, the song chair. All the classes dress as their mascot (the older you are, the less clothes you’re allowed to wear, firsties had to be covered ankle to shoulder, seniors could wear only pasties and bikini bottoms) and then we sing the class song written by the song chair aka me. The first one, our class song, was a parody of “Part of Your World” and it was brilliant. The second one was a sister song for the juniors, the yellow lions, so I did a parody of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”. They went over super well.
I dressed in full Poison Ivy cosplay, green glitter tights, floral shorts, long red wig, etc. and I got a makeup inclined friend to do me up with green lipstick and everything.
After bonfire we cleaned up everything of our color that we threw on the quad on Sunday and then choreographed our class dance, which is a mashup of Breaking Free/When I Grow Up/some Ginuwine song/All About that Bass. I’m the Zac Efron in Breaking Free. It’s hilarious and so much fun and I know that my catholic school friends would not approve but it’s so much fun.
I think there’s a chance we might beat the Sophomores (the Red Rosie the Riveters) outright, especially after I led the trivia team to victory. Well, second place after the seniors but they had the president on their team.
Wish us luck!
HELL YEAH HELL YEAH
(also coming from a background of public schools with zero school spirit, this homecomingish saga is faaaascinating)
BLACK CAT BLACK CAT BLACK CAT EEEEEEEEEEEE. I’m so jealous that seniors got to go topless; they always did when I was a student but then the year I was a senior they decided not to allow it! Some bullshit. I wore as little as possible anyway, take THAT.
And congrats on the relationship!
There were a couple just wearing nike shorts and pasties this year and it was great.
ALSO YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
Pestle Board kidnapped the firsties and tried to get us into JP but they wouldnt let us in (which is good because I was not wearing pants and just grabbed a dr who blanket)
At bonfire when I got the mic everyone was chanting DAI-SY DAI-SY DAI-SY and I felt so special and I love this school and everyone tell any high school girls they know to check it out (I’m on the committee that hosts the overnight trips so prospective students can stay in my room)
AAAAAAAAAH SO GREAT 😀 😀 😀
Agnes Scott is so so so wonderful and hearing you talk about it is just making my heart burst with love and happiness.
All hail to the alumnae, the alumnae, the alumnae!
All hail to the alumnae and MAY THEY GET RICH!
WE LOST!!!!! WE CAME IN FOURTH!!!
But oh my word I sang two songs THAT I WROTE in front of 900 people!!!! Including President Kiss!!!
And I danced seductively to the point where everyone thought my Breaking Free routine was a little too homoerotic. Not like we have a choice here.
Junior Production was everything!!! They parodied my uber-extroverted dorm neighbor as the naive freshie and it was great. They personified the Agnes Squirrels. They discussed the “Alpha Gay” who is always the most expensive date at Date Raffle. it was great.
As long as it’s not one of the murdery ones, a 1930s pulp fiction women’s college sounds like a pretty great place to live!
omg kisses yesssssss <3 <3 <3 that sounds very romantic and amazing!!
Also um, hi, I’m currently writing a research (student affairs) paper on college traditions and WHAAAT I am new to hearing about this Black Cat thing, it sounds all sorts of amazing! This is at a women’s college in US? I must find more info so I can have more things to write about!
Agnes Scott College! It’s a very small school and this is our hundredth Black Cat! http://www.agnesscott.edu/dos/agnes-scott-traditi… It’s the best week of the year!
Not Agnes Scott, but the best stuff I ever read about student traditions was in this book If At All Possible Involve a Cow (http://www.amazon.com/If-All-Possible-Involve-Cow/dp/0312078102); the chapter on CalTech Ditch Day is epic.
Ooh, thank you! I’ve already done a little preliminary research, but this will prove useful!!
Random things about agnes that I think may come in handy (that they dont tell you on the website)
They gave us a songbook of dirty songs that have been sung by students since the 50s, along with our school hymn and some just fun songs, but we like the dirty songs best. (google Birthday Cake Randy Hughes)
The sophomores always find out the first year’s mascots and reveal it during their party day. Our sophomores just handed out cans of sprite at dinner. The best one is when the junior class were firsties and the then sophomores staged a huge Lion King style reveal. http://imgur.com/a/gqMAR I procured some pictures from this years rush so you see whats going on. we also decorate our four-floor student center with each class getting a floor. There’s so much decorating it’s such a hassle, but our color stays the same so we can amass more items as we get older.
Heh, I was one of the Scotties who just kind of blinked at Black Cat and went about my business. (The sophomores my first year were… very competitive… and since all the friends i’d made were sophomores it was not a good time for me.) But I’m glad you’re embracing it! Also I highly recommend making out at night on the steps of the observatory; it’s probably my favorite ~romantic~ Agnes Scott moment.
<3,
a Bond Girl (’07)
Yay toastie scotties!!!
We checked out that spot tonight but it was raining. oh well. Thank you for the recommendation! You cant really go wrong here. every spot is beautiful.
If I could marry a building it would be Buttrick, just saying.
My fridge died on Monday, so the next day I went out and bought a new one ALL BY MYSELF like a serious adult! As for my food, the three pounds of ground beef in the freezer were beyond hope, but I saved the five pounds of chicken breasts by using this recipe. HIGHLY recommended. I thought I’d be able to eat them all myself, but after two days of living like The Rock but with chicken instead of cod, I gave up and took them to my parents’ house.
My favorite vegetarian entree is the Pioneer Woman’s spicy mac and cheese. It does have bell peppers, but you can easily leave them out.
Hurray new fridge! The Burgomaster and I are probably gonna need a new one in the next year or so. What brand did you get? Did you do a ton of research (what he would do) or just go with one you didn’t hate the look of (how I’d roll)? I’m worried about winding up with something as terrible as the one we have now, but I’m not willing to put in the time and energy to figure out which ones aren’t crap.
The way I did it was, I went to my preferred appliance store (it’s a local business and I had a great experience with them when I bought a ton of stuff there a few years ago), had a salesman show me and tell me about the fridges they had, and then chose the most appropriate one for me that had a high rating on Consumer Reports. It ended up being a Frigidaire, which I wasn’t really expecting because I’ve actually heard that Frigidaire fridges aren’t as good as other brands, but this model came highly recommended, so!
Sympathy on the POS fridge, by the way; mine was brand new when I moved into my house and it immediately became obvious that the bank I bought the house from had gotten the cheapest piece of junk they could find.
Thanks! My burg’s lucky enough to have a locally-owned appliance store, too. We bought our washer/dryer set from them a couple years ago. Good idea just letting the salesperson be the guide.
We, too, will require a new fridge in the near-ish future. I want one with a giant freezer and a special flat drawer for meat.
I just found out I got a substantial raise y’all. (substantial = I still do not earn much money, but, BUT in the world of small local business, it feels DAMN good). Therefore:
YAAAAY money!!
Even a tiny bit of money is still money! Conrgats!
Congrats!!!
YAY! Small local business is hard.
I asked about 5 weeks ago, and my boss hasn’t gotten back to me, but I think I should know next week. If I don’t get it I’m outta here.
Go you, with your bad self!
Congratulations!!!
Toast, tonight I’m going to a wine tasting with more than 200 wines and lots of great food. I don’t drink, but my wife does. Should be hilarious and boozy.
200 wines? That sounds amazing!
Apologies if this was already in a link roundup and I missed it, but Corin Tucker (Sleater-Kinney) interviews Lauren Mayberry (CHVRCHES) about feminism among other things
I saw it in my FB feed and didn’t have time to read, so Thank You! I would be happy getting internet alerts when Corin Tucker eats breakfast, so this is even better.
Budget Bytes Black Bean and Avocado Enchiladas is my current favorite vegetarian/vegan dish.
Everything Budget Bytes forever!
Ooh, I have had these and they are excellent! And they win many points for being something that you can bring to a potluck that has people with both gluten and vegetarian/vegan restrictions. (Well, as long as you make minor modifications for the gluten-free.)
Is your username perhaps based on Ekaterin Vorsoisson?
It is! It is always exciting how many Toasties recognize it.
these are GREAT. add some roasted sweet potatoes to ’em and even better, IMO.
Excellent, have been looking for a recipe for enchiladas!
I was gonna say black bean enchiladas! This recipe is not exactly how I make mine, but it looks totally plausible. Canned enchilada sauce works too, and I dump a bunch of grated cheese on top.
Yasssss I love this filling and could just eat it straight from the bowl, no tortilla + sauce + baking needed.
(Also I prefer her red enchilada sauce to the one in this recipe. At work so I don’t have the link handy, but it should be in her archives!)
Yup! Also the hearty black bean quesadillas!
I still haven’t gotten over the baby fever that came over me 2 weeks ago when I visited Tiny Nephew. It is very confusing and irritating. I don’t want to want a baby! I just want these feelings to go away!
Also, I did not overhear enough weird things in the office this week to warrant a separate comment (which is ultimately a good thing). I only have these two for you today: “You walk fast for a pregnant woman” and “Purell always makes me feel like drinking.”
I had a flock of feral middle schoolers on my bus ride home a few days ago and there were some choice comments the most cringeworthy was:
(talking about a character from Archer) “She’s black, but not black black. More like caramel with milk, or an albino Hispanic”
Very on point comment. Relevant to the topic of weird stuff overheard and also perfectly calculated to shrivel ovaries.
Yeah, it definitely shriveled my ovaries just a touch.
I promise I am not an alcohol snob but dear anonymous office person: if Purell reminds you of drinking, you are drinking the wrong things.
I just love you guys.
Also how about winter squash and green apple pureed soup? With sweet potatoes? And miso or white beans?
I may require this soup recipe. For reasons.
Uhh… I made it up just now. Here’s what I’d do.
[oil
1 onion
as much garlic as you can handle]<– skip that part if you’re in a hurry
1 butternut squash
1 green apple
1-2 sweet potatoes (depends how big they are, if it’s huge, stick to 1)
oh and how about 1 teaspoon (or more, it’s your life) curry powder or other spice blend, maybe that french de provence shit
Do the oil, onion, and garlic thing in your soup pot, you know what I mean *wink*
chop the veggies/apple up into approximately the same size
put em in a pot
cover with water and add veg stock stock concentrate (I like “better than bouillon” brand)
(or pour in prepared veg stock)
(hell it might be fine with just water, use more spices tho)
add spices and 1 teaspoon of salt <– careful with the salt, vegetables need it but your stock might already be salty
Heat it to a boil
Reduce to simmer, cover, and cook until you can stab everything with a fork very easily. Might not be too long, check after ten minutes.
eat a bite of everything to see if it’s cooked
Oops I forgot the beans, well, drain the can and add them now since they’re cooked already, just warm them up a few more minutes
Dust off your stick blender and blend the fuck outta that soup
SOUP
I like the cut of your soup jib.
Toastrons, I’m seeing Josie Long next week! None of my favorite comedians ever come to my city, so this is especially great.
YAAAS
In my head I have this fantasy of rooming with her, Miranda Hart and Cariad Lloyd in a flat in London and we have buckets of fun.
My house is officially on the market now, so I am basking in the cleanliness, and simultaneously resenting the hell out of having to keep it so damn clean. I am also vacillating between hoping it sells right away, and hoping it doesn’t because I don’t actually want to do the “moving” part of moving. I just want to wake up one morning in a new house.
Who’s moved recently? I haven’t done it in a decade. Good LORD now I feel old.
It has been the better part of three years since I’ve moved, which is the longest I’ve stayed in one spot since moving out at 17, so despite not having done it recently I totally grok the apprehension and send internet shoulder pats.
Oh God I hate moving. Good luck with all that it entails!!
As of this week, I’ve been in my current apartment for three years and it’s the longest I’ve lived in one place since moving out of my parents’ house. I don’t want to know how much it will suck when I have to move.
I moved last month after not moving for 8 years and I don’t ever want to do it again. I’m staying in the same house forever and ever.
Congratulations!
I’ve never stayed in the same place for more than two years and I’m so jealous of you all who haven’t moved in a double-digit length of time.
Well, it wasn’t by choice. 🙂 I’ve been WANTING to move for at least six years. It’s only now that I’m finally able to do it (maybe, if the house sells).
I just did LA to Austin with two cats and a toddler. I may just stay here, in this rental house, FOREVER.
Tomorrow: eleventh move in five years. Roughly. (I’m just subletting my place so the “move” this time is just a trunk of clothes and some miscellany, not all my furniture. Thank god. Still, it’s WORSE because I’m leaving so much of my stuff there and trying to plan for all contingencies so I’m not busting in every two weeks with a “Just forgot to grab the extra-large barbecue tongs, my bad.”)
Toasties, what are you reading? I’m still working my way through Red Mars in paper.
On the audiobook front, I finished listening to NDT’s book that he kinda rejiggered and expanded into the Cosmos series, and now I’m listening to The Dorito Effect and it is very interesting to hear about how food production has changed and evolved and franken-food-ified over the last 100 years.
Oooh, I just finished a novelization of the life of Katherine Swynford by Anya Seton and it was really really good, which was kind of a pleasant surprise. Historical fiction of that vintage (first published in 1953) has a tendency to waver into hysteria and weird misogyny and this was very pleasantly told and remarkably feminist.
I really liked that!
I’m reading Salvage at last (I checked it out of the library…two months ago? Thank goodness for generous renewal policies.) and really enjoying it. I’m also halfway through Two Serpents Rise, the second in Max Gladstone’s Craft series, and I love it, but I do not have the energy to keep track of all the twisty bits of the plot right now.
I’m finally reading Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, which has been on my reading list for awhile and just haven’t gotten around to it. A spooky graphic novel has felt like the absolute perfect choice for fall. Oh, and because I was in the graphic novel section of the library, I quickly devoured Allison Bechdel’s Fun Home. It was, as everyone has said, quite great.
How do you like Sandman so far?
I like it pretty well so far. . . I am new to graphic novel reading, and I find it very difficult to slow down and really look at the pictures though. My tendency is to zoom through it, and forget there are pictures that are central to the story (ironically, I have a phd in art history. Art historian fail right there).
I find the inclusion of other comic book things (John Constantine, Arkham) super peculiar and I’m not sure why. It jolts me out of the Sandman story in some ways. Maybe that too is because I am not a seasoned graphic novel reader? Not sure.
I’m pretty interested to see what happens with the story after Sandman deals with the initial “quest” of reclaiming his lost things and regains his powers and such.
Not looking at pictures is definitely something that will happen less if you read more graphic novels. The crossover stuff is normal for graphic novels (from DC, anyway) but happens less in Sandman as it goes on – it changes in tone a lot after the initial quest. I might need to reread the Season of Mists part of the run this October.
I find reading graphic novels really difficult, kinda like watching TV with captions on. I can’t get the words and pictures to sync. Everyone says Sandman is _the_ graphic novel to read. Is it worth it?
That is an excellent way of putting it. I feel like my eyes are going into too many places at once.
Soooo, as I have very little graphic novel experience to my credit, I don’t know how it stacks up. But! Thus far it has certainly been an engaging and gripping read. And, I must say, excellent for cool, October rainy nights, so it has that going for it, for sure.
Honestly I think Mike Carey’s Lucifer (which is a spin-off of Sandman but only…sort of) is a better choice. The tone is more even, the plotting is tighter, the characters are more interesting and more of them are women.
I didn’t read Sandman until a few years ago, and I get why it is important and liked a lot of it, but I think it’s often a hard read, compared to some others, in terms of this visual organization and sprawlingness. I’m enough of a fairy tale geek to be sticking it out with Fables, but most of what I’ve read are standalones. Although oddly, there’s a graphic novel adaptation of Gaiman’s Coraline I found way more affecting than the book by itself. But I think if you just wanted to “practice” graphic novel reading, and aren’t only a fantasy reader, there are some other books (and memoirs!) that “sync” more than Sandman, imo.
Red Mars is a good one! I’m about halfway through Shadowshaper by Daniel Jose Older, and it’s really good!
Anyone have any good sci-fi recs?
Sci-fi!
I like Octavia Butler’s Xenogenesis trilogy
Elizabeth Moon’s space operas (start with Trading in Danger)
Ursula K LeGuin’s Lathe of Heaven
Andy Weir’s The Martian
Oh man, how have I never heard of Elizabeth Moon before?!?! I’m from Texas and military sci-fi is one of my guilty pleasures and looking up these books it looks right up my alley(relatedly I’d recommend Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkosigan Saga if you’ve never read it, starting with Cordelia’s Honor)
I’ve had Butler on my list for awhile now, but have been unsure of where to begin, so I’ll definitely start with this!
Thanks for the recommendations!
If you like military sci-fi, have you read Tanya Huff’s Valor series? They are my faves (though I liked the Moon books too).
This series looks awesome too, thanks! I can’t believe I’ve missed all these female centered series, so thank you very much for the recommendations!
There’s a new one coming out this month! Billed as a spin-off but it still features Torin Kerr so that’s all I care about.
Oh, those are so fun!
I like Julie E. Czerneda, especially her Thousand Words for Stranger series. Ann Leckie is excellent too, and James Alan Gardner’s Expendable books are pretty good.
Put these on my goodreads list, thank you so much!
And, I’m so looking forward to Ancillary Mercy. I liked Ancillary Sword better than many reviewers and I’m excited to see how everything gets wrapped up!
Always here to shill for Ancillary Sword being way better than a lot of reviewers claimed.
YESSSS! I just read The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet based on a recent toast thread about expanding the cozy genre, and if you think at all the idea of cozy space opera might be your thing, read it. Just a nice long book with lovely characters you get to enjoy spending time with, on a spaceship. If anyone has book recommendations for things that could be construed as cozy outside the cozy mystery genre, I am ALL EARS.
I feel like Station Eleven would count as cozy not-mystery? Kind of cozy post-apocalypse? Maybe there is a little in-scene violence, but not a lot, I didn’t feel. It’s a great book.
This is maybe going to sound weird, but the Tiffany Aching books {The Wee Free Men, etc.) are sort of a cozy fantasy. And very good, and a great introduction to Terry Pratchett, if you haven’t read him before.
The Book of Strange New Things is sort of cozy and sci-fi-ish. So are The Long Mars and Blackout/All Clear.
The best way I can describe The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet is that it’s the reading equivalent of watching Star Trek TNG or Firefly. Just, here’s some characters, in a spaceship, living their lives. Why don’t you settle in and get to know them?
I love it.
C.J. Cherryh!
Karen Traviss, Joan Slonczewski, Justina Robson.
Kameron Hurley is good but a bit too bleak for my tastes. I haven’t read Karin Lowachee, but she gets good recs in military sf.
I liked a self-published book called The Dark Colony recently, the writing’s a bit clunky, but it’s an interesting set-up where an eighteen-year-old policewoman on a village-sized mining habitat finds the body of a stranger.
Thanks for these, definitely looks like stuff I’d really like!
I just read Kate Bolick’s Spinster– it was a tad long, but mostly satisfying. I actually enjoyed her personal anecdotes as much as the research into being single in America. I am rooting for her.
I’m also reading The Way Things Were by Aatish Taseer- and it seems really promising, with great prose. It’s also an English book by and Indian author who still lives in India- which is actually kind of rare in the South Asians who write in English genre.
I will have to check out the Dorito Effect for my next non-fiction jaunt.
I checked out Spinster at the library yesterday! I’m looking forward to it a lot.
I’m reading Shirley Jackson’s The Bird’s Nest and while I’m not enjoying it quite as much as We Have Always Lived In The Castle, I think, it has some great moments. I really loved the description of the museum at the very start.
If you can get your hands on a copy, The Sundial is another odd but great Jackson book–I really wish I had anyone to discuss it with!
My copy of The Bird’s Nest came in an edition with The Road through the Wall and Hangsaman, so the whole readthrough was kind of overwhelming.
After about eight million recommendations I finally got round to Rivers of London by Ben Aaronovitch and really really liked it and promptly bought all of them.
I adore this series. I hope it never ends (like all good rivers).
Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh
I just got the third one out of the library and I’m so excited!!
I’m reading Romancing the Duke by Tessa Dare and it includes the phrase “weasel-wielding harridan!”
I’m also reading Nature Noir which I think someone here recommended? And I started Jellicoe Road but lost patience with the super-vague beginning so I will pick it up again this weekend. There are too many rave reviews from people I trust to give up on it!
“weasel-wielding harridan”
Adding that to my personal lexicon, thank you. (Also seems like the perfect thing for an online dating profile).
I’m reading The Traitor Baru Cormorant, which is some beautifully original fantasy. It’s gotten some great hype (protagonist is a non-white lesbian, her home is assimilated into a strict empire obsessed with purity and obedience), but I gotta confess that what completely sold me on the book is when I opened it up in the bookstore and looked at the map. This author has done what I have wanted a fantasy author to do for years and years: make the map at the front of the book someone’s personal notes and not a personality-less work of cartography. So the map is basically a rough sketch of the area Baru is sent to with her very entertaining notes on each duchy (e.g., “Duchy Oathsfire, Duke of Mills. Lots of money. River trade. Awful beards.”).
this secondhand description of the map is enough for my to-read list!
[mental note to start fantasy maps thread next Friday]
You might also like Rosemary Kirstein’s Steerswoman books, the maps of which aren’t sketches but which do change as the series goes on, because the Steerswomen are an organization that makes maps and collects and shares information, so the map changes as the POV character knows more. (Here’s the author talking about this.)
That is so cool!! I had heard of the Steerswoman books, but I can’t remember if I’ve officially added them to my to-read list. I’ll be sure to put them on there now.
I was already looking forward to this book and now I’m super excited about it!
I’m reading THE SECRET HISTORY OF WONDER WOMAN by Jill Lepore which is so bizarre and fascinating. As a feminist lady who reads comic books, I’m a huge fan and recommend it to all of you! Even if you don’t read comic books.
Definitely one of my favorites of this year.
Fool’s Quest, the second book in Robin Hobb’s new trilogy. It’s pretty good? She throws in a bit of sexual assault at the beginning which feels unnecessary and cruel. (In general, I’ve come to feel like a lot of the stuff she does to her characters is needlessly cruel.) And I sometimes want to scream at the characters to pay attention and use their god damn brains. But there’s lots of very happy stuff to balance out the darkness, and the character work is excellent as always, and I’m in for the long-haul. I like this trilogy a lot more than the previous one, certainly, and it’s great to be back with Fitz and co.
I feel like she’s trying to walk the line of fantasy feminist universe + things women (and people, male characters get sexually assaulted, too) fear. It works for me, and doesn’t feel gratuitously brutal. I’m feeling so much for the poor tortured Fool.
Oh, for sure. I think she’s always dealt with these issues a lot more sensitively than other fantasy authors, and it’s never felt exploitative. (See also: the rather surprising rape at the end of the Liveship trilogy, which feels genuinely tragic rather than like GoT-style torture.) If she’s gratuitous, it’s in piling the emotional pain on, rather than in descriptions of sex and violence. I love her books so much, but I always feel like something *terrible* is going to happen to the characters I love.
My partner just finished the third book of the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik, which I’m considering re-reading now. And I just finished the second in the Daughter of Smoke & Bone series, because my stressful life has gotten marginally less stressful (which means I’m reading fewer romance novels), but still not fun (which means I’ve graduated to the only slightly less escapist YA fantasy).
I just finished rereading the first three Temeraires! You’re not my fiance are you? SNEAKING ON MY TOASTS?! But for real, I just saw that there are a million sequels so I will have to find them.
Also, the first Temeraire book almost broke me because LEVITAS. I think knowing it’s coming makes it even worse? It’s like if abused dogs could talk, it is worse than those Sarah McLachlan shelter commercials. I freaked my poor doggle out by hugging her around the neck and sobbing on her for a while about how she is a good doggie who will always be valued.
Ha, no, but I love that! There are many and another one coming out soon, I think. My stupid library (it’s not stupid, I adore it, but this is incomprehensible) only has the collected works for the first three, and only one copy of that to boot, so I can’t hang on to it indefinitely since someone else has a hold on it. Grumble.
Yes, I cried, and was at my parents’ home at the time and held on v tightly to their dog who is going deaf & demented. He was friendly, if confused, which is his normal state. (Also well-loved).
The LAST Temeraire book is coming out soon! (no release date yet, she just finished it)
I’ve been slacking on reading this week, but I’ve got Meaty by Samantha Irby and The Watchmaker on Filigree Street, both Toast recommended, on my Kindle to read from the library.
So, in relation to “The Dorito Effect” I just checked out “Lippincott’s Home Manuals: Food Purchasing for the Home” Copyright 1930 from the campus library because I love old books about food. It’s fascinating and has already brought up the importance of what you choose to buy affecting the country’s economy and what is produced.
I’m reading Grace of Kings by Ken Liu. It’s pretty good but it’s not really my jam. I think someone who enjoyed Game of Thrones, but wished it was less racist and had less rape, would love this book. Liu is trying his best to be ~*feminist*~ and it doesn’t always land right, to me — the female characters still feel like WOMEN when the male characters feel like people — but I appreciate the effort. It’s the kind of book where you can tell who the good guy is because he thinks women’s sacrifices matter as much as men’s.
I have start-of-year stress so I’m rereading cozy mysteries, like Donna Andrews’ bird-based series (all out of order, so who’s married and who’s not keep skipping about). I decided that I really wanted to read Karen Memory NOW and not wait six months for the price to drop, so I’ll start that tomorrow.
I finally read China Mieville’s The City & The City and thoroughly enjoyed it; am now partway through Alex Bledsoe’s Long Black Curl, which is the new entry in his series about people who are essentially hillbilly Fair Folk. They’re really well written, but contain so many unpleasant characters that they can be really uncomfortable.
My son’s English10 class is going to read The City & The City later this year and I’m thinking of reading it with him.
It’s so good! It’s not as baroque as many of his New Weird books, more of a straight-up crime procedural with fantastical/psychological elements. What a great choice for an English class.
Just read Allison Weir’s Captive Queen–I read her Tudor books and most of her histories, but I knew a lot less about Eleanor of Aquitaine going into this one. I really like that she seems. . .fair, kind of; she definitely has sympathies with Eleanor, but Henry II and Becket and Louis VII still feel like plausible people with understandable motivations.
The last “noir” Lemony Snicket book (All the Wrong Questions series) just arrived, so I’m rereading the third to refresh my memory first.
I also just finished xo Orpheus, a collection of myth retellings edited by fairy tale scholar Kate Bernheimer–in any collection of fifty stories there will be ups and downs, but I was especially partial to a story about an Emily Dickinson-devoted bacchantes.
I’ve been on a massive Weir binge recently. Eleanor is one of my favourite historical figures!
a story about an Emily Dickinson-devoted bacchantes
Yes, please!
I just finished Red Mars! I’m finding them a tad slow but getting on with them anyway. In terms of audiobooks, I currently have the last Thursday Next book on. I listen to audiobooks when I’m doing stretches, although my partner sometimes reads me Pratchett instead, and really need to do stretching every day, so I will need Moar Audiobooks soon. Any suggestions? If all else fails, I could go for another read through Patrick O’Brian, but I’m not sure I’m in the mood, and it’s quite the commitment.
Have you read any Flavia mysteries? The first is The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, and if you like plucky tweenage schoogirls who are too clever for their own girls, you will love it. This is written for an adult audience even though the main character is 12 years old.
If you haven’t read Fforde’s other entries (Shades of Grey, The Big Over Easy), they’re also worth a listen.
Toastfriends, I am hurting.
My LittelBoyDog has terminal cancer. The vet says he won’t see the end of November. At the rate he’s deteriorating, I say he won’t see the end of October. I will not let him suffer. When LittleBoyDog tells me it’s time, I will hold him in my arms while the vet sedates him, then delivers a fatal dose. I will not let my LittleBoyDog be scared or in pain.
He’s only 11. That’s middle-aged for small dogs. He was happy and active one minute and deeply frightened the next. He backed himself into a corner and asked not to be touched. The emergency room kept him overnight and the next day the vet showed Mr Rose the radiographs and ultrasounds. There are obvious tumors on most of his internal organs. One of his ribs is just gone, eaten away by cancer.
Was he in pain while these tumors developed, while his rib dissolved? His breed never indicates pain until it’s a crisis. It’s killing me to think he may have been hurting without me knowing. Mr Rose, a biologist, says tumors can grow without causing discomfort. I think he loves me enough to lie to me in this instance.
I need … I’m not sure what I need. But I need to hear from you. My heart is breaking.
All the sympathy in the world, RoseCamelia. Losing a family member to something that seems so sudden and out-of-the-blue is sooooo hard. ((((hugs))))
Thank you so much for acknowledging that LittleBoyDog is a family member. That means a lot to me, that others can see that. And I treasure your hugs.
Sending you so many hugs. That is tough. I can’t think of anything to say except it’s clear that you are going to give him all the love you’ve got, and that’s probably all he asks for.
Yes, I need so many hugs. Thanks for your kindness.
Oh, I’m so sorry. All the internet hugs for you.
Thank you. Internet return hugs.
fwiw, I am over here, holding your hand virtually, and tearing up too. <3 to all three of you.
Thanks for holding my hand. I really need that kind of comfort. You are so kind. Please would you <3 to four of us? Me, Mr Rose, LittleBoyDog, and LittleGirlDog who doesn’t yet know she’s losing her companion.
Oh! absolutely amended to the 4 of you. Plenty of <3 to go around.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I would bet that you know your little boy well enough that you would have sensed if he were in pain. It seems to me like you’re doing your absolute best to pay attention to the signals he’s sending you; I have faith that you will do exactly what he needs when he needs it.
Many hugs to you and Mr. Rose.
Thank you. I needed a reminder that I am, indeed, attentive and sensitive to my dogs. Really. I needed that. ::return hugs::
Oh gosh 🙁 I’m so sorry. Hang in there and love him extra while you can. * hugs to you *
Yes, cuddling him as often as he lets me. So glad for his absorbent, heavy coat so he doesn’t notice I’m wiping my tears on him. Thanks for your hugs and kindness.
Oh honey I can hear your tears. I am so sad for you and there are not enough consoling gifs in the world for this.
Well I was holding it together pretty well today until I read your comment. Now I’m sobbing with sorrow and gratitude that you care and understand. You’re right, there is not enough consolation anywhere. Thank you.
Oh dear. I guess…you’re welcome?
My phrasing was awkward. I meant your tenderness was exactly what I needed, so much so that it made me start sobbing. Sobbing being what I do when someone I value shows she hears me and understands.
I do hear you, and I do understand. I wish I could hold and hug you in person.
I’m right there with you. My sweet 11 year old kitty died on Sunday of kidney failure. We also had to opt for euthanasia. It’s so awful and unfair to lose them especially at middle age. I’m so sorry.
Oh poor kitty. I’m so sorry. You must be hurting too. Come sit by me and we’ll cry together and take turns making tea. LittleBoyDog will occasionally insist on sitting between us and his sweetness will make us sob harder. Thank you for your kind words.
🙁 oh i’m so sorry. It sounds like your LBD has had a good life though, and you are a good dog parent who isn’t In Denial and who truly cares about LBD’s well being. hugs to you.
He’s been silly and happy all his life until this week. I feel good about that. Thanks for reminding me and for the hugs.
I am so very sorry for you and your LittleBoyDog, what a horrible situation. He knows you love him and I hope for your remaining time together he can be comfortable, but it’s clear you’ve got his back and will not let him suffer no matter how hard that is for you to go through. You’re such a brave person, you can do this.
Thank you. Yes, I can do this. I did this for his predecessor six years ago. I wish circumstances wouldn’t require me to be so goddamned strong. Your words are comforting.
So much love and hugs from this direction. We went through a similar thing with our first beloved dog, and I feared the same thing- that he might have been in pain and we didn’t know. But he loved us so much, he wanted to keep going until he really couldn’t anymore.
FWIF, tumors can absolutely grow without discomfort. I’ve seen rats (mom rats who live long lives and give birth to lots of healthy babies) with very large tumors and who aren’t bothered in the least by them. It just happens.
Oh I am so relieved to hear that tumors can grow without causing pain. I trust you not to lie to me. Thank you so very very much. It’s worth a lot. I’m sorry about your first beloved dog. Dogs love so completely that they always break your heart, don’t they?
Oh Rose I’m so sorry. I know how much you love your pups. I know you will do what is right for him, as you have always done. Poor little guy. Give him a cuddle from me, if he’ll let you.
He’s sleeping at my feet just now. Lifts his head when I sob too loudly, but goes back to sleep. No worries, though. You know how much all dogs sleep, healthy or not. I’ll save your cuddle for when he’s ready to get up. I’ll tell him this smart, kind woman has been a friend to me and sends him affection. Thank you so much.
Stroke under all your dogs’ chins for me and remind them they are loved.
<3
I’m so very sorry for you. Much love.
Thank you. I love all you delightful Toastpeople.
Oh no, oh no. I’m so, so sorry. My childhood cat died in middle age of complications from diabetes, and it was horrifying and sad for everyone, but these things happen and you are not alone. When the time comes, we’ll be here for you.
I’m counting on you. Thank you. I’m sorry about your cat. It’s still sad, years later, isn’t it? Goddamn these loving and lovable animals. They take a piece of your heart when they go.
I am so sorry. One of my dogs had a diabetic crisis that we thought would end with having to let him go, but we got lucky and were able to bring him home and enjoy his company for a while longer. I am confident that you will know when it is time, and I wish you strength and love for when that time comes.
Thank you. I will need strength. And I appreciate your confidence in my knowing when it will be time. So glad your diabetic dog could recover and love you a while longer.
I am waffling on how I feel about this dog’s death, compared to putting down his predecessor. Six years ago my FirstDog got sick. I had to decide in only a few hours to end his suffering when the vet said he was too weak to recover. That was hard. This is hard in a different way, watching current LittleBoyDog die gradually, monitoring his quality of life, knowing it will never improve, deciding when he needs a merciful end. This is torture for me.
Oh, Rose. I am so, so sorry. Sending scads of love your way. Whatever you need, okay?
Thanks so much. I need your support. I need my dogs to live forever, goddamnit.
Oh no. Lots of hugs to you. I’m so sorry.
I’ll take those hugs. Thank you.
I’m so sorry. He’s lucky to have you.
You are so kind. Thank you. I’m lucky to have such a sweet LittleBoyDog. I just wanted to have him longer, dammit.
Pain really is weird— some of the least important things are deeply painful, or things you’d think would be painful aren’t. I have very gradually developed a health thing that is generally considered painful, but it happened so slowly that my brain didn’t really process it as pain for… years? Until I figured it out and labeled that thing as “pain”. (…. which sort of sucks for me at the moment….. but….. NOT THE POINT).
The point is that maybe he was hurting without you knowing, but it’s also very possible he wasn’t. Or that even if he was in pain, his wonderful doggy brain processes it differently than yours would, or that he experiences different pain differently.
Thank you. This dog is fairly dimwitted and often oblivious. I say this with love. I hope it means he has been unaware of pain like he’s unaware of the ball that did not cease to exist, but only rolled behind the ottoman.
I appreciate what you said about gradual health change. I am sorry you have pain. Do you have properly attentive medical care? You deserve to be pain-free.
I choose to take this ball analogy as a metaphor for death. It’s beautiful.
::sob:: yes it is. Thank you.
LittleBoyDog will simply roll behind that great ottoman in the sky.
<3 <3 Sweet lil dog! I know you’ll make the most of the time you have left, and he’ll love you for doing what you need to do.
Thank you for your kind words. <3
Oh, no. I am so, so very sorry. 🙁 I know he is glad to have someone like you to guide him through to the end, though.
Thanks, Dave. He just loves me. Simply, purely, unconditionally. That’s why dogs are such heartbreakers. How’s your pibble? Rub under his chin for me, please.
All the love and condolences. I hope his last weeks are happy and comfortable.
He is comfortable. Thank you.
*All the hugs to you* That is so so hard. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you.
I appreciate the positive thought energy. I really do. Thank you. ::return hugs::
I’m so sorry for you and your whole family. You’re being the best mother you can be.
I’m not a biologist or doctor, but I think Mr Rose is telling the truth–I’ve known people who grew tumors and didn’t feel a thing.
I am very glad to hear of pain-free tumors. It comforts me. I’m ready to believe my LittleBoyDog has not been hurting. Thank you.
I’m so sorry to hear about your BabyDog. Please know that I (and my own two BabyDogs) are sending you and your little guy lots of love.
What kind of dogs do you have? Big? Little? Furry? Short coat? Stroke under their chins for me. Thanks for the internet love for my little guy.
I have a medium-sized black pit mix who is practically bald, as well as a little short-haired, spotty cattle dog mix. I will be sure to give them extra pats and love when I get home today. <3
I’m very sorry to hear that. Best wishes to all of you.
Thank you very much.
Many years ago, I had a very sweet, happy cat named Toby. He showed no signs of anything wrong until I noticed he was wheezing, and it didn’t get better after a couple of days, so I took him to the vet. The vet did the physical exam, looked worried, did xrays. Tobe had a tumor, tumors? throughout his body. The only spot that was not dark on the xray were the two little air spots that were all that he had left to breathe in (hence the wheezing). Even then, there on the exam table, he was trying to play with the vet’s stethoscope, and asking for petting. He was never in pain, though he did not go home from that vet visit.
So I’m sure your dog has not felt pain until/unless he’s started to show it. Tumors are bizarre and unfathomable things. My best wishes to you. It is never easy.
Oh that feels so much better, seeing your Toby in my mind’s eye, playing with a stethescope. Adorable. Thank you for that image. I’m so sorry cancer took Toby away from you. Fuck cancer.
I’m so sorry. If he was “happy and active,” that is important. Even if he had some pain sometimes, it wasn’t enough to keep him from enjoying his life for a long while. I’m sure he felt and still feels very loved and protected by you. As someone with chronic pain, I assure you that goes a LONG way to mitigating it.
I’m sorry you have chronic pain. Do you feel protected? It would feel great if I could beat up someone on your behalf just now. Would that help you? Only me? OK.
My little guy is all love, all the time. And I return it. Thanks for reminding me.
More hugs. More knowing nods of understanding. Dreading this in my future, as it’s taken years to get over the loss of my beloved dog. His buddy is sleeping next to me, and I can’t face the thought of losing her. Dogs are the best and should not die.
I’ll take those hugs. Thanks. Cuddle your girldog for me. Whom do we lobby for dogs who live forever? It’s not right to lose a warm bundle of unconditional love. I’m sorry you lost your boydog, too. I’ll never get over losing my FirstDog 6 years ago. I don’t expect to. The pain does fade, though, surfaces less frequently. But the tears are ready *every* time I’m reminded of him, dammit. That will be true for current LittleBoyDog, too, I’m sure.
I’m so sorry this is happening! The same thing happened to my little dog (who actually lived with my grandmother, long story) last year, and it was so sudden and surprising! One day he seemed fine, and then he was gone. It’s so heartbreaking. Big hugs to you and your pup as you go through this. He has no doubt had a very wonderful life with you, and still a pretty long one for a dog, and I’m sure he knows how much he has been loved.
Thank you. Hello to your partner, your sister, and little Kat. I’m sorry about your little dog. It’s the only thing I don’t love about dogs: they’re heart breakers. All unconditional love, all the time, then they die and take a piece of your heart with them.
I’m so sorry, Rose. All the internet hugs are yours, if you want them.
I want aaaaaall the hugs. Thanks very much.
So sorry for this news. Hug and comfort and love to you and all your fambly.
Thanks so much. ::return hugs::
I am so sorry to hear this, RC. (This is Heather S., by the way, Intense Debate forced me to change my name to change my profile pic, HI!). You’ve told me what a pleasure and comfort these tiny ones are, and this is such sad news. I’ve heard from many deep lovers of animals that it’s super clear when it is *time*, and I know you will know that. In the meantime, he is probably balancing these changes in his internal landscape with loving you and wanting to spend time making you happy. I hope there are some good memories between now and then, and know you’re offering all the love you can while still hurting yourself. Big love to you.
Heather! I’ve been thinking of you in NoCal with the news of fires. Did they get close to you?
Yes, I trust my experience with dogs and with this dog in particular to tell me when it’s time. But I get waves of doubt every day. Thanks for the vote of confidence and for your kindness, my friend.
I am so, so sorry. Bless you, and your sweet LittelBoyDog.
Lighting a candle for you both.
Thank you so much for your blessing. He is a sweet little guy.
I think you would have known if your little boy dog was in pain. Sending many many hugs!
Thank you for your comforting words. ::return hugs::
Dear RoseCamelia,
Dogs know when you love them. Here where I live, there are many, many stray dogs, and it’s amazing – they can tell when a “bad” person walks by, because they bark and go crazy. They know.
Your LittleBoyDog knows you love him. I don’t think he was hurting. Once, I had painful lumps in my armpit, and I went to the doctor, convinced I had cancer. It turned out to be a shaving/deodorant related infection, and the doctor told me that if it had been cancer, it wouldn’t have hurt.
Give him lots of cuddles. He will go to doggy heaven and meet your FirstDog.
Take care of yourself. I’m so sorry. Keep us updated.
Thanks for sharing your doctor’s insight about cancer not hurting. You have comforted me.
Veggy stuff: gril some aubergine slices on one side, then flip over, grill a little bit on the other sie, then sweet chili sauce and a slice of halloumi on top and finish grilling.
GIVE IT
Nothing much happening here but wanted to share a picture of my big lazy dog.
A+++ for big, lazy, perfection
what a GORGEOUS pup!
That dog is SO BIG and SO PERFECT. Does that dog accept hugs? I would like to hug it.
He is a big ol’ hug bug. You really need a dog this big if you want to hug them.
are there more pictures of this dog anywhere? Looking at this dog improves my life.
I have posted pictures of him and my other dog before if you want to go back through my old posts.
Hey Toasties – my first time commenting on an OpenThread!
Anyone else experiencing the joys of job-hunting? I’ve just finished a masters in Medieval Studies, and decided I wanted out of academia for a while, but I’m not finding the looking for work part going too well. I got knocked back for an internship I thought I was a shoe in for today, but they heavily implied I was over-qualified, despite otherwise meeting their criteria. The company has a job suitable for my skills available, which I’m trying to convince myself I should go for despite the earlier rejection.
Go for the job! I somewhat recently went through the job hunting process and it can be intimidating, but you can’t get any jobs you don’t apply for.
And if you want to talk about it, may I ask what your master’s thesis in Medieval studies was about?
*leans in a little to hear the answer*
Thanks! I will definitely be going for it – it’s my dream company to work for, so I’m not giving up just yet.
I looked at constructions of the ‘Other’ in Jean Wauquelin’s translation/compilation of the Alexander Romance (a really long and strange ancient/medieval tradition involving all kinds of legends about Alexander the Great), and the images in the two manuscripts of the text produced for Philip the Good. It was really fascinating – especially mapped onto the political context of the period – race became a much bigger signifier of ‘otherness’ in the later manuscript, produced when Philip was on the verge of launching a crusade to the East – but it did feel like it could easily become a much bigger topic than I had space to explore.
That sounds really pretty awesome! I could totally see that being a much bigger project. Congrats on finishing btw, thesis stuff is exhausting.
Did you actually get your hands on the manuscript? I always felt really excited/terrified in the special collections like I was going to ruin something hundreds of years old. It took me awhile to get over that.
Thank you – and yes, by the end I was pretty done with it.
No, sadly (but also super fortunately) both manuscripts were fully digitised, so I couldn’t justify a trip to Paris to see them. I took a medieval paleography class though as part of the masters, and we were lucky enough to get to handle a lot of original material – including a massive roll of kings, a fragment from Troilus and Criseyde, and a physician’s manual. Could have done without transcribing Scottish charters though…
Isn’t job hunting fun? I have an interview on Monday for something I’m not terribly qualified for and I’m feeling some combination of terror and excitement about it
Good luck!
Here too! I’m trying to make a career shift to…something? Anything data-science-related that’s interesting and not academia. This will also involve a move to one of two very different parts of the country (yay uncertainty!!). Also, it’s weird that all the stuff I should have been focusing on in my postdoc job (physics) is now the useless part of my resume. If only I’d spent all my time doing computing stuff, like I wasn’t supposed to!
Good luck with the job hunt! Someone else can correct me as needed, but I guess you can tell yourself that there’s nothing to lose by going for the second job? The worst that can happen is that you don’t get it!
I am! And this morning I just found out that I did not make the shortlist for a job that I applied for and really, really wanted. Feeling pretty bummed out about the whole process right now.
Toasties, let’s talk about what OTHER musicals to recommend to people who fell in love with Hamilton!
Obviously, In the Heights, but what else do you think they might enjoy? I’m inclined to recommend Next to Normal and Ragtime.
Next to Normal feels like a really good choice, since it’s not a “traditional musical” in sound or style. I’m also inclined towards stuff like Hair, even though it’s not my favorite, because I think it’s a major part of the legacy Hamilton comes from. Like, Hair was for rock-and-roll in theater as Hamilton is to hip-hop.
I was gonna say that!!! (Next to Normal, that is)
Assassins is one of my favorite musicals, so maybe that if they’re into musicals about pivotal figures in American history with a lot of great lyrics?
OOOOOH YES. I adore Assassins! You’re the first person I’ve met who has actually heard it (I saw the Broadway revival in high school). That’s the perfect choice, because SONDHEIM.
I love Assassins, but I’ve never seen a professional production of it. (I saw a horrifically painfully awful community theatre production of it, but the people I went with have all agreed that we’re just going to pretend we don’t remember that happening.)
I’ve listened to Broadway cast recording approximately five million times, though.
Favorite song/moment/whatever?
I’m really lucky to have an amazing local theater company that does amazing musical productions and they did it a year or two ago and it was GREAT (they also did an amazing production of Parade).
I’m torn between loving the end of The Ballad of Booth (after Booth kills himself and then the Balladeer gets all sarcastic and snarky) and the Ballad of Czolgosz because it’s the MOST fun to sing along to.
“The Ballad of Czolgosz” is ridiculously catchy, so that I’m pretty sure I will never be able forget that McKinley was killed at the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo. But I will also never be able to state that fact aloud without sounding like I’m fighting back the urge to sing.
I have an incredible fondness for “Something Just Broke,” honestly, because it puts into words/music the communal devastation of something like a presidential assassination without delving too hard into the maudlin or the clichéd. Which is a pretty narrow tightrope to walk.
I also enjoy “The Ballad of Guiteau” for the way that it uses the church hymn style music, not to mention the fact that the “I am going to the Lordy” line is taken from the poem he wrote to read at his execution. There’s a great incongruity to the beatific religious quality of the music with the subject matter, the contrast between Guiteau’s “serving a higher power” line against his actual delusion and egomania.
(My fiancé’s favorite is “The Gun Song,” so that also sometimes gets a looootttt of play in our apartment when we’re going through an Assassins phase.)
Read Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell. It focuses completely on Czolgosz, Guiteau and Booth and it’s super rad.
She’s releasing a new book in the fall about Everyone’s Favorite Fighting Frenchman!!! LAFAYETTE!
I looooove that book. It’s even better in audiobook form, because she had a bunch of awesome people voice the historical persons and guides that she talked to in it. Conan O’Brien as Robert Todd Lincoln! Stephen King as Abraham Lincoln! Jon Stewart as Garfield! Brad Bird as Charles Guiteau AND Emma Goldman!
OH MY WORD I just looked at the Lafayette audiobook and Im dying it’s so brilliant. Fred Armisen! Alexis Denisof! Nick Offerman! Patton Oswalt!
AHHHH totally going to use an Audible credit for that one!!!!
Yes this is the correct answer, ignore my suggestions below (or just use them too, whichever). I saw that same revival!
Oh, excellent call! I saw a university production several years ago and it was terrific.
Ooooh GOOD call.
The Last Five Years is my favorite musical. (I have not listened to/seen Hamilton but I do like Next To Normal.)
And it has a shoutout in Hamilton!
If you’re going for serious subject matter (as it seems from the others you’ve listed), how about Scottsboro Boys? Modern-ish but also a little more classic style, with a genius score and powerful story.
Parade is also in that vein. And for just straight-up gorgeous music, what about Songs for a New World?
Next to Normal and Ragtime are two of my top three (the other one being The Secret Garden) and I think they’re great recommendations. All my other favorites are way too musical-y for people who only got into the genre because of Hamilton.
Yeah, an inclination would be to send them along the JRB route since he and Lin are of the same composing generation. Parade fits the musical tone of Hamilton best, but god what a downer (I adore that show so much).
I’m gonna make a risky suggestion and mention Chess? The original London cast only dear sweet jeebus the American version is an abomination. The themes are dated and it’s sometimes problematic with the stereotypes, but Andersson, Ulvaeus, and Rice were pretty innovative with their music and lyrics, I think, and it was highly political at the time (so much so that the American version actually changed the plot. I might be biased in my love of it because both female roles are altos, though.
The only version of it I’ve heard is the Royal Albert Hall one with Adam Pascal and Josh Groban, but I’ve been told by some that that version is an abomination so *shrug*. I enjoyed it quite a bit, though I find that people either really really hate Chess (my sister) or really really love it (people on the Internet).
I haven’t even heard of that one! My heart belongs to this version.
Musical theater really is a strange thing. There are people who love it and people who hate it, which isn’t surprising, but then among those that love it there are such diverse tastes. Like, I’m in the minority of disliking Sondheim. I recognize he’s a musical genius, but his stuff just doesn’t, well, sing for me like it does for his fans. And then there are people who just can’t stand Cole Porter (his music, let’s ignore his plots) and I’m like BUT HOOOOOOOOOW?
You can watch the whole concert here. Most of the complaints center around Idina Menzel as Florence, but eh.
The most brutal Broadway discussions I’ve been sucked into have been on the merits of Rosario Dawson in the RENT movie and the eternal Frances Ruffelle vs Lea Salonga as Eponine argument (I’ve always been on the Frances side, but I know I am a minority). Broadway fans take their opinions VERY seriously.
Thank you for the link! When I can tear myself away from the OT, I’ll check it out.
Finally had a chance to skip through it and while I don’t care for some of the changes to arrangements and lyrics, WOW Josh Groban and Adam Pascal are amazing. Idina Menzel is definitely the weak link in the production, and that’s too bad. I’m not a fan of the Arbiter, either, but Kerry Ellis was lovely. Thanks again for sharing the link!
Yeah, the main reason I’m so attached to that version is how freaking GREAT Adam and Josh are in those roles. Holy shit, Josh’s rendition of “Anthem”? OUT OF THIS WORLD. And I do love “Where I Want To Be” (even if it is an American version addition) because he KILLS that song.
HOW can anyone not be totally charmed by Cole Porter’s music???
Musical tastes, man. They’re an incomprehensible thing.
Oh man I love Chess, but I’m not sure if someone younger to 40 can really love it the way us Olds do? Maybe if she is an alto I guess, with an Old Soul.
(Wasn’t it good?)
Wasn’t he fine?
Chess is one of my very favorite scores to play on the piano. I’m tempted to throw the rest of my workday out the window and go do that right now, but then I remember I only have a shitty keyboard that is not touch-sensitive and that ruins everything.
Thank you for the recommendation! I can’t really tell what they’re saying (first time through) but there’s plenty of really catchy songs and I’m enjoying it.
A number of years ago, I got to work on a version of it where the director combined the best bits of the London and American versions, and I adored it. I believe I still have a highly-illegal cassette recording of it somewhere in my parents’ house, though I can’t say whether it’s still playable.
Spring Awakening?
Can we talk about how the new revival of that looks super fascinating? It’s a Deaf West production, so performed in English and ASL throughout. I’m hearing great reviews and I was pretty sure I’d be skipping it, but maybe not? Spring Awakening was my THING when I was 17/18 and then I saw it again when I was almost 21 and it didn’t do anything for me. But everyone is saying this revival is fantastic!
I have ALSO heard amazing things about that revival, and have watched a couple of clip things, and it looks just gorgeous. I’d love to see it, but it doesn’t seem likely. 🙁
It’s interesting that you identified with it more in your 17/18 age range than 21! Many of my friends who are within a couple of years of my age really just never got into it, but my younger friends have tended to be REALLY into it, maybe the same way we were into RENT in the 90s? But one of the people I know who’s most passionate about Spring Awakening is a man in his mid-60s who didn’t stop talking about it for weeks after seeing the production I was in downstate. He really identified with the idea of being punished for speaking truth, being his age and only recently open about his sexuality. I personally have so many intensely emotional associations with the show–my cast; the guy who introduced me to it in the first place–that I’ll always love it, I think. And really, some of the music in that show is just gorgeous. The harmonies in Mama (Reprise) give me legit shivers.
Did either of you listen to Whisper House? I don’t know anyone outside my family who has, but my mom loved it and it’s a really interesting concept album. I’m sad I never got to see it on stage.
I’ve listened to Whisper House. I agree that it’s super interesting!
Also I love the Spring Awakening track on the Carols for a Cure album from…2008, maybe? Duncan Sheik arranged “I Wonder as I Wander” and it’s amazing. (Note: I do not love Spring Awakening itself.)
Yessss I loved that album.
I think Next to Normal is an awesome call. Maybe The Wiz? I really, really hope the NBC version is amazing.
I think Dreamgirls, too. And maybe Hedwig and the Angry Inch?
Im afraid it’s gonna suck after The Sound of Music and Peter Pan
I watched only for Audra MacDonald and the crushes I had on Rolf and Peter.
The first thing that came to mind was Passing Strange, which has a really incredible score AND a pro-shot, so it can be enjoyed aurally and visually! Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson I know we talked about last week as a less successful Hamilton, but I think would be fun for anyone who enjoyed the contemporary take on history. Anyone who hasn’t heard Jesus Christ Superstar absolutely should, both because Hamilton owes so much to it and because it’s the best thing Andrew Lloyd Webber has ever done.
My recommendations (besides the ones that have already been listed):
Matlida – also uplifting and emotional, and the lyrics are deliciously intricate (written by Tim Minchin!). It took me seeing it on Broadway and listening to the score many times to warm to it but I love it now
The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee – a musical about a spelling bee! Celia Keenan-Bolger and Jesse Tyler Fergusen and a guy from my high school were in the OBC!
Bring it On: the Musical – Music & lyrics co-written by LMM! Not my favorite musical ever, the story is kind of blah, but because it’s LMM the music is really fun and the songs combine elements of pop and hip hop and stick in your head forever
Also, various other musicals based on historical events: Assassins, 1776, Pacific Overtures, Bloody Blood Andrew Jackson, Parade, The Scottsboro Boys, Bonnie and Clyde
I second The Last Five Years. LOVE Jason Robert Brown. But there will always be a very special corner of my heart reserved for Titanic: The Musical (no, it isn’t ANYTHING like the film!). Maury Yeston writes such beautiful music. Lady’s Maid makes me cry every. damn. time. just thinking of all of those poor people to great hope for new lives who never got a chance.
Oh musicals!
*jazz hands*
Recently, Smitten Kitchen posted a Julia Child recipe for Zucchini and Rice gratin that is to die for. http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2015/09/zucchini-r…
In other news, I had a migraine with aura yesterday, and it felt like I was living in a google deep dream image. Truly bizarre.
I made that last night! It turned out very well but I would definitely add more cheese next time.
Yes! When I made it I used the wrong sort of dish (you should use an 8×8 or 9×9 pan, I used a high-sided casserole dish) and it took longer to cook, so I dumped about a half cup of extra parmesan on the top towards the end. It was delightful.
A vegan friend of mine made it with nutritional yeast, and said that was also quite good.
Oooh! I have three large zucchini out of my garden sitting in my fridge right now, so I just might have to make that this weekend.
Oh man, I’ve had an aura migraine before. Weirdest thing – it looked like giant, fluorescent alien caterpillars were floating around/crawling outside my window. Glad you’re feeling better!
Oof. I’ve had them before, but they’ve been the more common black dot/hildegard von bingen style ( https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/th… ). This was just awful, and it was a prelude to the worst headache I’ve had in years. I usually get one bad migraine a year, right around when summer becomes fall, so I’m hoping this is the only one.
Smitten Kitchen is so wonderful.
I am so sorry about your migraine. I get those – it is very discombobulating. Poor thing. I hope you’re in the clear now.
Agreed. Her recipes featuring meat are good, but she does such amazing things with vegetables, and sweets.
(I do feel much better. I was a little woozy still this morning, but I’m much better now)
Mac and cheese, always. I like to add pancetta but my recipe is completely made up out of thin air so there’s no rule that says you can’t make it vegetarian if that’s what you reeeeaally want.
Also this is obviously not a healthy vegetarian entree, my diet is garbage. Recipe in the comments!
Ingredients and materials:
One bulb garlic
One large onion
Maybe some shallots if you want
Olive oil
Dry pasta (I like rotini for its abundant sauce-gripping crevices)
Butter
Flour
White wine for cooking (aka you’ll be cooking with about a quarter cup of this so you’ll want to make sure it’s something you are ok with drinking the rest of during the cooking process)
Pancetta (optional)
A little bit of milk (seriously not that much, so if you’re like me and never drink milk, just fudge the recipe and skip buying a whole thing of milk)
So much cheese. Whatever kind of cheese you want. I like extra-extra sharp Vermont cheddar and gruyere and something parmesany.
Whatever kind of herbs you want. I like fresh sage/rosemary/thyme.
Salt, duh
Pepper, duh
Chili powder (not enough to make it spicy unless that’s your thing, but it adds a nice depth of flavor)
MSG (you can get it at most Asian groceries, it’s amazing, it won’t kill you, don’t look at me like that)
Panko
A stove (and oven) with at least two burners
Aluminum foil
Large-ish pan for caramelizing and saucemaking
Pot for boiling pasta
Large-ish casserole dish
Some kind of wooden scrapy spatula thing for general stirring, wooden spoons are mostly okay except for the part when you have to scrape browned bits off the bottom of the pan
Ladle for maximum saucing efficiency
Tea strainer or refillable teabag, if you use fresh herbs
First, slice the top off a bulb of garlic, place on a piece of aluminum foil, drizzle liberally with olive oil, wrap it up, and throw it in the oven on low heat, like 350 or whatever, for as long as you can stand. Like at least an hour, you want the garlic to be spreadably soft and smell like a host of angels barfed in your kitchen.
Then you slice an onion (lengthwise, not horizontally, trust me it will make your slices so much more even and impressive-looking) and saute in olive oil (or butter, fuck it) on low heat for approximately forever, until caramelized. Stir occasionally, but don’t worry about any brown bits stuck to the bottom of the pan because in the immortal words of Randy Marsh, YOU GONNA DEGLAZE THAT FUCKIN PAN
The onions and garlic will take forever to caramelize, which provides you ample time to prep the rest of your ingredients and slam a couple glasses of your “cooking wine”
Grate ALL THE CHEESE. Set aside.
Boil the pasta to just this side of done. Set aside.
When you’re sick of waiting for the onions to caramelize, turn the heat up a little bit, allow a little bit of brown goodness to adhere to the bottom of the pan, then splash some wine in there and furiously scrape at the brown bits as it sizzles and cooks off. Add some more, scrape some more. If you’re using pancetta, now’s the time to add it. Or whenever. Doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.
Set this delicious slurry to the side, turn the heat back to low, melt some butter. Like a good amount of butter. Once it’s liquid, stir in about a handful of flour until you get a nice paste. Slowly add milk and stir until smooth. Throw in your herbs/spices/mysterious powders (seriously though, MSG is amazing and you will thank me). Add some more wine, fuck it.
Remove the (hopefully fully-roasted) garlic from the oven and preheat to 425 or something. Carefully squeeze the delicious sticky paste into your sauce. It should just kind of magically disintegrate.
Recruit someone to slowly add handfuls of delicious cheese while you stir.
Fill your casserole dish a little less than halfway with cooked pasta, then layer on the caramelized onion mixture. Remove the teabag/strainer with herbs, if you used one, and ladle on some sauce. Add the rest of the pasta, ladle on the rest of the sauce, and cover with a layer of panko.
Pop it in the oven for 30-40 minutes, drink the rest of your wine, try not to forget you have food in the oven, and pull out whenever you can’t stand waiting anymore. Eat it all. Maybe have a salad on the side.
Since we’re talking mac & cheese, allow me to toss my recipe in, which is very very simple and not impressive but great comfort / potluck food!
3 cups pasta, cooked al dente (I like Barilla elbows)
3 cups milk
3/8 cup flour
3/8 cup butter
2 cups (1 bag) shredded sharp cheddar (white for aesthetic reasons; it’s fine to have it be reduced-fat)
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese, plus ~1/4 cup
~1/4 cup bread crumbs
black pepper
Make a white sauce [*], melt in the cheese, add some pepper, combine with the pasta, then mix the extra Parmesan cheese and the bread crumbs and sprinkle over the top. Bake at 350 for ~25 minutes until bubbly at sides.
[*] My preferred method is probably not found in cookbooks, so I will include it here:
Plop the milk, flour, and butter into a pan–I like to use a very wide sloped-sided “everyday” pan. Stir to break up all the flour and dissolve. Heat over medium-high heat until the butter is all melted, stirring frequently. Once the butter is all melted, stir constantly until it thickens up, bubbles, and no longer tastes like raw flour.
(I have zero luck with making a roux and I hate having to worry about adding the milk to it, so this does it all at once.)
I love mac and cheese! but also cauliflower cheese, which is the same sauce over blanched cauliflower, then baked until perfect.
Toastatrons! I will be making epic plans to move to Seattle either this month or the next!*
My mad-dash plan will be to find any job I can at first, so does anyone have any recommendations on good staffing agencies?
Then my other plans will be to wok on my rock opera-space opera.
*The move will be from Portland so maybe not that epic.
All moves are equally hard. I have lived in 10 states, with dozens of moves on my scorecard. Guess which moves resulted in the most damaged furniture/belongings? The short moves. Because most of us don’t prepare as well for the shorter ones.
The best staffing agency can be found by call the HR department of the area’s largest businesses and asking who they use for temps.
I hadn’t thought of contacting companies. I’ll give that a shot when the time comes near.
Your rock opera-space opera? Tell us more!
I have more of a concept in mind: it has to be super flamboyant, like those cheesy fantasy movies from the 80’s that don’t get made anymore, three storylines with three different genres of music that lend themselves to speculative fiction (I’m thinking glam rock, experimental hip hop and some DJ going crazy).
I just need to come up with a plot and meet some musicians since I don’t write music.
1) All moves are epic.
2) If they have them that far north, Sage is good.
3) Pls to finish your space-rock-opera, kthx. I need this in my life.
The law firm I work at usually goes through Robert Half for temps/temp-to-hire, and we get pretty good results (and they seem pretty reputable).
So the other day my brother feelingsmailed me in an effort to improve/repair our relationship. Which is great and unexpected! But I haven’t responded yet because it’s all “I have so much guilt” “I want to unburden myself” and making his apology all about him. So on one hand, I want to say “Awesome, yes, let’s start over,” and on the other hand I want to say “Fuck your guilt, I do not absolve you, but yes let’s try and heal and have a functional relationship again.”
So. How do I respond to my brother’s feelingsmail in a way that lets him know that I’d like our relationship to heal without letting him off the hook for being a shitty brother?
I think it’s important to acknowledge the mail as a *first step* in a reconciliation but tell him that, while you are interested in working on improving the relationship, it will take time and sustained effort on his part before you can fully move past what he’s done. Something like:
“Dear Brother,
Thank you for your letter. I acknowledge that reaching out with an apology was a big first step for you, and I appreciate that. It gives me hope that you’re willing to continue to work to understand the negative impact your past behavior has had on me. I, too, want to improve our relationship and hope you understand that this will be a long process for both of us to come to terms with stuff that’s happened and work toward treating each other well in the future.”
Maybe say something about the ways in which you were hurt, and are still hurting? Like “It means a lot to read this from you– xyz was incredibly painful for me, and I’m still hurting over it. Healing from these things will take time (for both of us), but I do want to try.” And then maybe add stuff about what you need/ed from that relationship, and what your expectations/boundaries might be going forward. Or maybe make it a short email, but instead, discuss the meat of the issues in real life. Hope that’s helpful, and glad to hear that perhaps their might be some healing for you and your brother!
I think you can say the second half of “other hand”? Like, brother, it’s great and unexpected to hear from you this way. I also want to have a functional relationship again. And focus on what that looks like, while setting boundaries around the guilt/unburdening.
I like your wording in your last paragraph: “I’d like our relationship to heal without letting [you] off the hook for being a shitty brother”. Maybe change “shitty” to “hurtful”? Or keep “shitty”, if he needs to hear it.
Does he seem willing to change shitty behaviours? Does he actually feel bad about having hurt you? Is there potential for him to get there?
I would explain all my reservations but be really kind about it and tell him to wait a few days before responding so he can actually reflect on what you’ve said…
I think just telling him that last sentence of your first paragraph minus the Fuck your guilt opening would work just fine. It’ll be obvious pretty quickly if he’s interested in mending fences or just assuaging his feels. Good luck.
Honestly, I agree with everyone who said to just lay it out like that.
I treated my siblings abominably when we were young (lots of reasons, but it was intentional and deliberate, based on the fact that I didn’t know any other way to deal with my undiagnosed autism spectrum stuff, depression, and anxiety), and tried to apologise when I came home from university after finally getting therapy. One of the best things my siblings did was say “hey, we understand now, and we’re grown-ups, but the memories don’t get wiped away, you have to work to show that you’re good!Keri now”
And I do still work on it, a decade later, because even if we’re friends now, I can’t put the burden on them to always keep the peace and cede to my mental health quirks/neuro-atypicality – that’s what I did as a kid, when i didn’t know any better, and it’s not fair to keep doing it. but it was really important that they didn’t just let me apologise and let it go, but said “no, we’re always going to remember that stuff” so that I had to make a conscious effort to show that I had changed and make my own concessions, if I wanted to improve our relationship.
Wow. I want to be more like you.
haha, thanks!
i honestly would prefer not to have to admit these kinds of things, and i often treat it like a joke, but it eats me up inside sometimes and i compensate by doing things like spending All The Money on fancy meals and grocery shopping when i visit my little brother, which isn’t necessarily helping things.
and in just about every other aspect of my life, i’m a complete mess! but i love my siblings and especially my little brother i would do just about anything for, at least now that we’re adults and i have learned how to manage my various sensitivities and depression. (and he’s also not the 3 year old doing anything to get a reaction out of Big Sis anymore!)
Eesh, complicated!
It sounds like it’s impossible to distinguish if this is about mending fences or about his own emotional needs. If it matters to you to have that relationship, you do have to start somewhere. That does mean being willing to let some things go, and deciding what you need him accountable for and what you are willing to let be a blank slate if he’s really willing and able to contribute to building a good relationship.
In this circumstance, I usually give myself a rough draft to pour out all of my complicated and varied and nonsensical feelings and thoughts and ideas, then I scrap and try to write as simply and briefly as possible the core issue, inclusive of whatever action items are relevant so there’s no guesswork. You’ve already kind of nailed it: “I’d like to heal our relationship. Your past behavior still impacts how I currently feel.” Throw in something that takes away the ambivalence or nebulousness of what that means by specifying. “I would like x, y, and z to define our efforts to make something that works for both of us.”
Good luck.
Ugh. Dirtbag ethics professor week in review. (Until two hours from now after which there will be an update.)
“Masochists are people who like causing pain and want everyone else to feel pain.”
You keep using the word masochist. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Also. The next time you tell the class that you can do whatever dirtbag thing you choose with impunity due to ‘pedagogical methods’ I will hurt you. That was how you were excused in the letter I got from the dean and I know that’s why you’re bringing it up now. Ditto the random slide about ‘swearing only being offensive if I believe the intent is evil.’
Mark off ‘but intent’ on your butthurt white male bingo cards, folks!
I can’t quite decide if by “Many do not have moral desires – addicts, masochists, etc.” he means that they have no moral desires, or that they have some desires that aren’t moral, but either way there is not enough eye-rolling in the world. Hope your class today wasn’t/isn’t too bad.
Oh my god he even looks like a douchebag.
That was the day he actually said his shirt was ironic.
I hate him.
Do I even want to know what it was? No. No I don’t. No, I don’t but tell me anyway.
I don’t even remember. Some poor joke about Eastern European musical tastes?
Is he wearing a WEDDING RING? Who married this doucheweasel???
And he’s been allowed to reproduce. He named a child after a Tolstoy character. As he keeps reminding the class at length. Cause he’s deep like that.
That is my expression for almost an hour three days a week.
It’s assholes like this that make me consider forced sterilization for especially deserving people. OK, let’s face it, for especially deserving MEN.
OF COURSE HE DOES.
I’m sending some extra eyerolls over your way, juuussttt in case your eyes get tired.
That what *I* was thinking.
He…looks exactly how I pictured him.
*sets alarm for 2 hours from now*
Good luck with class today
I heartily disagree with the healthy food vs. pizza distinction. I eat pizza VERY THOUGHTFULLY for a GOOD LIFE. Pizza is a mentally healthy food!
[on edge of seat for update]
When I think your ethics prof can’t get any more douchbaggier, you post an update. You should teach a class on HIM.
That self satisfied smirk. I’m generally a moderately non-violent person, but that smirk makes me want to sharpen knives and polish large blunt objects.
Apparently using words correctly is not edgy enough as a pedagogical method.
Using words “correctly” is for squares, man. True thinkers know that the only real meaning of words is in our mind.
That sounds scarily close to something he’d actually say…
I speak fluent dirtbag.
I’ll bet he thinks he’s original. Nope. Talks just like all the other dirtbags.
They always, always do. Ughh ban men.
I pictured someone twice as old as that man looks. Not that an older dirtbag ethics professor would excuse/explain all his dirtbag ethics professor comments, just…I thought he’d be some white-haired guy nearly done teaching, ready for the sweet embrace of the grave to come claim him.
I wish. Young(ish), “hip,” activist dirtbag is somehow so much worse.
I understand you. But I immediately assumed someone young enough to have been without opportunity to get called on his shit = very young. Certainly astonishingly immature. Which can exist at any age. So your older dirtbag is valid as well.
What a jackass. That slide is worthy of a ragevomit. Sheesh.
To borrow a Pajiba-ism, he has such a punchable face, too.
When you set his house on fire, can I help??
Get in line.
Hey so I completely *get* frustration, and I don’t think I like this guy very much either, but internet threats are scary and they are very often used as a tool to control women’s access to online fora. Using the same kind of threats against the people we don’t like strongly weakens our case if we ever try to push back against this form of misogyny. Imagine this douchebag arguing that it’s okay to put rape threats on the internet because “those feminist girls on The Toast put threats on their threads all the time, and it’s all just in good fun!” [And yes, the use of the word “girls” was 100% deliberate. I was trying to embody the douche.]
And then imagine *slaying* him in a public, verbal, non-violent confrontation.
Note to the moderators: is there currently a rule against threats or certain kinds of violent language on this site? Cuz I would love to see that happen.
“Masochists are people who like causing pain and want everyone else to feel pain.”
What.
WHY ARE YOU BEING PAID TO TEACH
Did you correct him? Was there even any point?
Even that slide is smarmy and condescending, somehow.
Right? I was thinking that the masochist mistake is a perfect opportunity to raise your hand and say something like:
“Actually professor [insert dirtbag’s name], you are getting masochist and sadist mixed up. Your thinking of a SADIST, for example, a professor who lectures students for an hour a day about his crock of shit, morally reprehensible, unoriginal and ultimately factually inaccurate thoughts on [insert what the class is about]. You know… a SADIST -_-…..—_____—-”
Of course, not that I would have the courage to say that. I would just write it in my notebook and circle is repeatedly while trying to communicate with my eyes alone how bored and annoyed I was of him. Can you tell I had a professor like that? ^_^.
I didn’t even bother. (See page three for what happened when I finally did call him out on something.)
Toasties, I am soooooo sick. I managed to call in sick the first day this week, but I’ve been here since Wednesday and I have another day to go after this (why oh why did I ever volunteer for this absurd Tuesday-Saturday schedule) and I just want to sleep for the next month. Reassure me that flu does not last forever, because right now I can’t remember what not being sick feels like.
Oh nooo I have been sick like that- that is the worst!! I am sorry that you are sick but soon this will just be a Memory of That Time You Were Sick. I hope you’re able to get enough sleep even though you’re still expected to be at work 🙁
I’m sorry you’re sick. You will recover, in time. Speaking of time, do yourself a favor and stop looking so far ahead. Chop up your day into 15 or 20 minute intervals. Focus on what must be done in the current segment. Be ruthless about the definition of “must” and put off for next week as much as possible. At the end of each interval, celebrate surviving it with a drink of water or tea or juice.
Well, sometimes flu does last the equivalent of forever for the person involved, but that’s very rare and I’m sure you’ll be fine. Yes. You’ll be fine.
You poor dear! You need soup and tea and a cozy bed and silly brain candy shows and books to sleep through. I am so sorry you feel badly and are stuck at work. Flu does not last forever, though, I am sure of it. Be kind to yourself, and do the least amount possible so you can recharge. Rest and recharge for healing is your number one job!
This right here for delicious vegetarian entree. Chard, Onion, and Gruyere panade. That sounds fancy, but mostly it is just cheese and bread melted up with some chard. Should be consumed with a glass of booze on a chilly night.
That link doesn’t work right now and I WANT TO SEE THE RECIPE.
Here it is!!! http://orangette.blogspot.com/2005/10/sog-story.h…
This is exactly my kind of food. I’m with Molly: bread + cheese + greens is an excellent meal. Do you listen to her podcast? It’s pretty hysterical!
Yes!! it is so great. I’ve read her blog for a long time, and identified hard, as an ex-academic type who found a more fulfilling life path. At any rate, she did a reading in my city a year or so ago, and she is so damn sweet. The reading was at this kitchen place, so we ate recipes from the book, and listened to her read, and it was DIVINE.
OMG MAKING THAT NOW. Or, not *right* now, but this weekend.
Yesterday I ate fried potato slices with burrata, which is vegetarian and delicious but not at all healthy.
But burrata is just spectacular! It leads to good mental health so…
This is a story for those who like Nintendo/Mario. I have wanted to tell it for ages but MrSmee didn’t allow it as it was embargod by Nintendos but he can talk about it now so it’s ok:
Nintendo offered MrSmee (who is a videogames journo) an hour with Miyamoto, to mainly talk about Mario Maker. Of course, MrSmee said yes, as of course he has always wanted to meet him. They were told to think of something special, so MrSmee had a think, and thought it would be great if they used Mario Maker to create the first ever Mario Level, Level 1-1, and Miyamoto talked them through the design of Level 1-1, and they made a video of it. He phoned Nintendo back, and Nintendo said they would ask Miyamoto. A few days later, he got a call and heard that Miyamoto had said yes. Excitement! They prepared a studio to look like a classroom and got ready for Miyamoto’s visit.
Miyamoto and entourage arrive and do greetings. Everyone is super excited to meet him. “It was like meeting Father Christmas!” they said, afterwards. Eventually, they settled down to make the video about Level 1-1. MrSmee said, “So, I have Mario Maker here, and maybe you can make Level 1-1 again, and talk us through how you made it.” Miyamoto looked at him funny, and said, “But… I have made Level 1-1. I have made it for you.” MrSmee said, “Oh! Well that’s great, that you made it in advance, thank you!” Miyamoto looked at him funny again. Miyamoto opened up Mario Maker and said proudly, “This is Level 1-1!” and MrSmee looked at the screen in GREAT CONFUSION.
The level was one he had never seen before, and was made up entirely of chomp chains. Everywhere. Like, a million chomp chains. Miyamoto grinned at him crazily, and zoomed out. The chomp chains zoomed out to show that joined together, they formed a picture of one enormous chomp chain.
MrSmee: “Oh. My. God. This is… amazing… but… I’m just… a little bit confused? Because this is really great, and thank you, but I was just expecting Level 1-1?”
Miyamoto: “This IS Level 1-1!”
MrSmee: “Um…”
Miyamoto: “…. wan wan…?”
TURNS OUT that chomp chains in Japanese are called wan wans and the whole time, everyone at Nintendo thought that that must be what MrSmee was talking about. And Miyamoto himself made the level! Of wan wans! This might be my favourite coincidence of all time.
This is amazing. And Miyamoto is love and wonder personified.
(My rage and grief about the future of Metroid will be tabled, for now).
This is hilarious. I hope it was fun to play.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG (several hours later) OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
Miyamoto: “Level Wan Wan eh? Of course. Dunno why I didn’t think of it myself tbh.” [cracks knuckles; gets down to work].
I’m almost crying this is so beautiful.
THIS IS AMAZING
My husband is DYING of envy, and I haven’t even read him this story yet.
I have a massive jealous.
Holy shit this is amazing.
I fell out of my bed laughing at this and it’s half-lofted. THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I DONT EVEN CARE
That is AWESOME.
Veggy stuff: palak paneer. With lots of ginger, cumin, mustard seeds and garlic. And of course no skimping on the paneer. I also tend to not blend it, I still like the spinach to have a bit of structure.
Typing that out made me a bit nausous. I may have a hangover? But it’s only affecting my digestive system – I don’t have a headache or other head-related symptoms.
The Cooks Illustrated recipe for manicotti is really good, as is their baked ziti if red sauce pasta dishes are up your alley. You can then do meatballs or sausage on the side for the meat eaters, with a nice salad or maybe since you have the oven on, roasted brussels sprouts.
Toasts, my parents will be here in the next couple of hours to take me and spouse out for our anniversary, which is WEIRD, but ok. They also booked us a nice room at a local fancy place, so I’m heading down early to check in and utilize a bathtub I do not have to clean! Wish me luck in dealing with my parents!
Oooh, happy dance for a sparkling clean bathtub you did not/do not have to clean.
Good luck with the parentals, and happy anniversary!
Hello, Toasts! Do any of you read tarot cards?
I’m curious, because I just bought my fourth (and a half?) deck, and it should get here this afternoon. It’s the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn, which I’m intrigued and only slightly disgusted by. I already have Barbara Moore’s Steampunk deck, Shadowscapes, and Dreaming Way, as well as a set of Major arcana modeled after the cards in the Persona games. I love them all dearly, though I wish I hadn’t lost my old miniature RWS.
I love reading about what decks other people use/how they use them, so what are your favorite decks/spreads/times of day to read? Do you have one deck, or several? Do you practice anything else witchy/woo-woo (pendulums, charm casting, etc)? What was the first deck you ever read with? It’s finally October, and I’m feeling witchy!
I still primarily use Radiant RWS despite having Shadowscapes and Sun and Moon. Tarot of the Silicon Dawn looks really cool, but seeing as how I don’t really use other decks, I probably won’t get it.
I like doing little three-card draws best, more is fun occasionally but it takes me some time to put everything together.
I do tarot instagram too @notarot
Goomaly gave me a very cool and thoughtful tarot reading last month! I just thought everyone should know that. 😀
😀
^_^
Just followed you from my tarot account! @coffeeandtarot
was it you, Goomaly, who was offering to do tarot readings a while back?
If it was, I wonder if we could make that happen? Maybe I can send you a thank-you book in the mail?
(And if not, no worries!)
that was me! let’s make it happen! dangerflakes at hotmail
I had a bit of a regular reading phase in high school (and once managed to creep myself out a bit in terms of a v. weird spread for a friend I photographed and three months later it seemed very prophetic). Now I’m more likely to use it as a writing prompt. I love finding/collecting decks, though. I also made a couple of decks for some friends in college (like, a deck where EVERY CARD was represented with an appropriate Oscar Wilde quote).
I’m drawing a blank on what I actually have (besides an Alice in Wonderland one, which fills TWO collection spots, as does the sort-of Tarot Edward Gorey Fantod Pack) but I think the one I used for readings was most often the Palladinni. I found the artwork to be a little bit more mellow/lush than Waite, and it seemed to most put me in the mood.
I have a bunch of decks but the only one I use anymore is the Wildwood Tarot. I love it. It just works for me.
I don’t know how to read “tarot,” but last year my dad designed and had printed a deck of “carot” cards for me– they’re all bunnies! (Get it?) And the arcana are things like “the upturned garden plot” and “the warm burrow.” He even printed a little book so I know how to read them. I’ve told him he should Kickstarter it so other people can get a copy.
That is so cute oh my god. I would buy three and give two to my sisters.
that’s… I would buy that.
I don’t even read tarot (although I have a deck from high school) and I would buy those!
PLEASE KICKSTARTER THIS, SAUSAGEDAD
PLEASE
I’ve been working through Holistic Tarot (and wow is that a brick of a book) with my old RWS deck, but I really want a second one and just. can’t. pick. I mean. I have a Thoth deck, but that’s a whole ‘nother level of research; I just want something shiny.
how about Happy Tarot? 😀
I love Holistic Tarot. Love.
I do, but not often, and haven’t been keeping up with it lately.
I bought a Miss Cleo branded tarot deck a few years ago that a New Orleans gift shop somehow stocked several of, for the kitsch factor. The kitsch did not disappoint, but then some time later I started using them and find I am very comfortable with it. I was given a cat themed deck as a birthday gift, but it doesn’t feel right.
I prefer to use tarot for more introspective ends, rather than predictive. I like a good 3 card, situation-obstacle-solution spread the most.
I haven’t really done readings in years, but I used to back in high school/college. I have The Goddess Deck that I’ve kept all these years, it’s beautiful.
I’ve never heard of that deck before, but it’s super gorgeous!
I enjoy my Silicon Dawn deck! It’s a bit bombastic for me, so I really only pull it out when I need the big guns. I also don’t use all the extra cards, but the ones I kept in, I love. I’ve been building up my deck collection, and I really like the indie ones I have. Check out the Linestrider Tarot and the Frau Grand Duchess tarot if you can!
I tend to read in the evening/at night, but mostly because I procrastinate even the things I enjoy doing, lol. And I love 3 – 5 card spreads! Much bigger than that gets to be a bit much unless I’m doing an in-person reading for someone.
I have a pretty big tumblr for my tarot stuff – I have tons of readings are pictures on there! coffeeandtarot.tumblr.com.
I feel like “bombastic” is a very good word to describe Silicon Dawn. Those decks look super neat, thanks for the recommendations!
I also keep my spreads to 5 cards or fewer unless I’m reading for someone else. Celtic Cross in particular has always been a little much for me, most of the time.
Ooooh, YAY, a tarot tumblr! I’ll get on that when I get home. 😀
LOL it’s the perfect word and I love telling people about its personality. And welcome! I’m a veritable font of tarot recs, thanks to tumblr and my own deck lust.
I’ve used a 9 card spread for some folks before, but it takes at least 15 minutes, and if I’m doing an event by the reading, I like to stick to 5 – 7 cards so we can do it in less time. With my talkiness, I’ve found that 5 is perfect. And for online readings, well… past 5 or 6 cards and I get overwhelmed with the writing.
I love my tarot tumblr. It’s fun. 😀
Ooh ooh and have you seen a) Starchild Tarot b) Serpentfire Tarot
THEY ARE SO PRETTY 😀 😀
also so expensive D: D:
Starchild is super pretty and super BIG. I can’t barely shuffle it.
Toasts, does anyone have any resources/recommendations/advice/anything else relevant to dealing with C-PTSD or PTSD?
Judith Herman, Trauma & Recovery
Thanks
If you are asking this question, you probably already know this/are considering it, but: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has been the thing which has helped me the absolute most with my PTSD. In the UK, where I live, it is available on the NHS as long as you are willing to a) maybe wait a bit, and b) talk to your GP about it – I don’t know about anywhere else. I have also paid for it privately, and while it is emotional hard work, it was (for me at least), 100% worth it.
Yeah, I’m actually beginning CBT, I was just trying to look around for stuff on my own at the same time because it’s been on my mind a lot. I was posting here to see if anyone had anything other than the same three internet articles that pop up when I look for this stuff on Google. (Seems like there isn’t a lot out there on the internet but I thought maybe I was missing something, and Toasties seem to have a wealth of useful mental health information!)
It’s good to hear that this was useful for you – I’m right at the beginning of the process, and while I know not seeing results instantly is expected, it’s difficult. I want it to work NOW!
I know, that is the bit that frustrated me the most, that we had to go through all the horrible exhausting stuff and not just be actually *better* already. From the other side (or, at least, a bit further along), it does get there, and the difference is just immeasurable.
Have you seen Neurotic Neurones? It is a lovely weird interactive explanation graphic about anxiety, which you might like? ( http://ncase.me/neurons/ )
I read Captain Awkward archives, particularly in the “gaslighting” and “Darth Vader” categories. My c-PTSD stemmed from an abusive employer, so that’s what helped me; you may need different CA letters than I did, however. But the comments are always full of people affirming the realities of PTSD sufferers, and posting useful links, so it’s worth clearing an evening and just reading some letters and their comments in their entirety.
These are GREAT, thanks so much for the recommendation!
You’re welcome! I’ve found that it’s really helpful to have that affirmation from an entire group of people, outside of a clinical setting.
Yeah, that’s exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. It’s one thing to hear from a doctor that others have similar experiences, but it’s another to read actual anecdotes from actual people. Makes it feel less made-up, you know?
I did a year of CBT with a therapist trained in EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). I’ve heard mixed results from folks, and I’m sure not every single practitioner will be as amazing as mine was, but it was a literal life-saver. It’s essentially talk therapy with an added layer of tricks – in my case, speakers on either side of my chair that played little tones and tiny buzzers in my hands. I’m happy to answer any questions (to the best of my ability) if you have them!
Thanks, that’s reassuring to know this can work well.
Smitten Kitchen’s mushroom bourguignon: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2009/01/mushroom-b…
Yum, so glad it’s fall again so I can make this soon!
I have made this before and I kind of forgot about. It is super good! I think I miiiiiiiiiight have to make that this weekend!
As for fall vegetarian entrees, I love a big bowl of Orange Soup. The precise recipe varies depending on what veg you have / look good in the grocery store, but the sort of baseline is:
Roast the following in a big pan or two with olive oil:
1 small squash, preferably butternut but acorn is fine too
2 yams
a few carrots
an onion
garlic
a tart apple
a medium potato
Once all that’s nice and cooked, whizz it in a food processor in batches. Add about 2 cups of stock total to get a soupy consistency, a good dose of fresh thyme, a bit of nutmeg, a drizzle of maple syrup, ground pepper, salt. Serve with a spoon of sour cream. I make this in big batches, and it freezes beautifully.
And you can totally leave out the carrots if you’re The Bartender 😉
My children call that ” Mom’s orange glop”. They eat it, though. When im feeling ambitious i’ll saute walnuts in fresh sage and brown butter for garnish.
I make a mushroom phyllo roll for holidays that’s pretty spectacular but doesn’t have a recipe. Basically the filling is mushrooms, breadcrumbs, shallots, garlic, wine, sage, a little apple (so it’s like stuffing) and cheese (I use a cashew-based one, but folks could use dairy cheese like chevre instead). Phyllo looks impressive, but is actually pretty easy to prepare once you know that you can’t let it dry out even for a minute, before you use it and every layer needs to be brushed with oil or butter.
I am devastated this isn’t in my mouth right now.
I’m going to Rome! (Hopefully)
Any advice Toast? I got so much brilliant advice before my Berlin trip and it was amazing that I thought I’d turn to you all again!
Looking for somewhere cheapish and central to stay if anyone knows anywhere, and of course any recommendations for things to do always welcome!
Going with a friend who’s bumming around Europe at the moment, going to meet her in Rome. It’ll be the end of November, and we’re only there for a weekend, hopefully the weathers good and the crowds aren’t too bad!
I’m really into the idea of renting a scooter to go exploring, but also terrified of the idea, anyone done it? Wheres good to go? (thinking of maybe getting out of the city a bit and exploring the hills). Renting a bike in Berlin was the best thing ever, but I don’t think that cycling around Rome would be as fun (plus scooters!!)
My favourite memory of Rome is the Tabularium from the Capitoline Museum. Not only are the ancient inscriptions fascinating but it has a breathtaking view of the Roman Forum.
Oh yeah, just gazing upon the forum is pretty great. And really, the wonderful thing about Rome is that you can wander around, never go into a single building, and have a great time just . .. looking at the city.
That sounds amazing! Thank you!
Love the forum! And the catacombs are really cool, too!
Scoot down to the Trastevere neighborhood at least once! It’s not really near any metro stops so you might otherwise miss it. It’s probably too expensive to stay there, but it’s all adorable tiny streets and quaint buildings and great gelato. When I did a study abroad in Rome ten years ago, I wore myself out look at ancient paintings and marble sculpture and trompe-l’oeil ceilings, but I felt refreshed by my couple of visits just walking around Trastevere aimlessly. Also I found a Ethiopian restaurant down there that was such a welcome relief from student-budget pizza and pasta I nearly wept.
Oh, and transportation wise, I didn’t have too bad a time with the bus system. I was there a month, so I got a month-long pass and just hopped on whenever I saw a bus and off whenever that bus stopped going in the direction I wanted to go.
The last time we were in Rome–over 10 years ago–we stayed at this great little place run by a US ex-pat couple called The Beehive. It was near the big train station (Termini?) and there was an amazing little pizza place three blocks away. It was also an easy walk to the Coliseum and Trevi Fountain.
I would not rent a scooter because Roman drivers be crazy yo.
Smoky frittata
Mushroom risotto
Freekah salad
Spaghetti with Mascarpone, Meyer Lemon, Spinach, and Hazelnuts
A (vegan) leather jacket has found me this week. It is life-changing. Are you all ahead of me on this? What is your leather jacket like/do you have a perfect leather jacket-ish outfit?
I’ve stolen my mother’s oversized Banana Republic suede jacket (mostly to piss off dirtbag vegan ethics professor) and I love it. I don’t want to return it. I spent a good chunk of the late 80s/early 90s rubbing my face against it and now I’m wearing it and I never want to give it back. Wearing it with combat boots, robbed tights and possibly too short maroon dress. Feel very early 90s. Have stopped caring.
I ordered my first ever (cheapy, trial) vibrators- why didn’t I do this years ago?!!?!?!
I’ve had a really great couple of night using them and want to make the jump and get something that will last a few years. Toastfriends, what are your favorite clitoral vibrators? I like bullets and eggs, but want to hear about others too!
This one called the We Touch for the interesting edges it has (http://www.travelingtickletrunk.com/catalog/item/7614465/8828130.htm). Kind of pricey but I like that it charges from an outlet and is waterproof
Ooh thank you! I will check that out.
I have a tremendous collection, but nothing has made me happier than my Lelo mona 2. However, that’s expensive AF and somewhat cumbersome, so I realize it might not be what you want. For something smaller, I can’t recommend the We-Vibe Tango/Salsa enough. It’s rechargeable, unfathomably strong (but has four speeds so it doesn’t overwhelm you straightaway), completely waterproof, and I’ve had mine since 2011 with no problems.
I’ve also had my Lelo Mia since 2010 with no issues, and while it’s not *quite* as strong as the tango, it has a USB charger built right in, and you can lock the buttons for travel or storage, which is super convenient. Unless you know you need something very strong, I’d recommend the Mia (the Mia 2 is also waterproof, which is great. Just avoid the first Mia model, since it’s a lot weaker). It’s just as strong as the first 2-AA bullets I ever owned, and much easier to use.
These look lovely- thank you!
Lelo Mia seconded! I also have the Tango but I honestly use the Mia way more despite its comparative weakness, just because the USB charging is so absurdly convenient. I have a horrible time with the charger for the Tango for some reason, it just won’t stick so I have to very carefully place it in a position where it won’t get jostled and disconnect.
Nngngng Lelo anythings are the best.
I have the Lelo Siri 2 and I rather like it. It’s a nice size and shape for what I want and it’s waterproof and USB charging. I haven’t really played around with the music/sound sensing mode, but the presets are a good variety.
Also, I registered it with Lelo and now I get hilarious emails that I can’t open at work for things like their scented vibrators and “bankers set” of cufflinks, vibrating cock ring, and money clip.
I GET THOSE, TOO. My favorite Ridiculous Lelo Thing was the “flogger” that was basically wearing a ring with suede fringe on your finger. What.
Bwhahaha. I have the same problem after making a purchase from Tantus. I get nervous about people looking over my shoulder when I check my email on my phone.
I also like Hey Epiphora (sorry, no link, at work) for sex toy reviews.
What was your cheapy trial one? May get one for myself.
I got them on lovehoney.com, and they have lots of cheap house brand things to try. I got the Ladyfinger classic vibrator, the Mini G-spot vibrator and the Basics Vibrating Love Egg (my favorite). Each was about $10, but I checked and they’re actually on sale for $6 right now.
They do free shipping with $40.00 (shipping’s more than you think since they’re in the UK), and I needed lube, so I hit that limit pretty easily!
I like very focused and intense clitoral stimulation and you can therefore pry my Hitatchi from my cold, dead hands.
The hitachi seems to be legendary for very good reason! I’ve heard that it’s kind of loud though- and I have roommates. Is it particularly loud?
It is pretty loud, tbh, compared to something that isn’t as big and heavy-duty. It plugs into the wall and only has 2 speed. I’m told there is a better version called the Doxy, which has more speeds and stuff.
Oh hey, here’s a thought — check out Oh Joy Sex Toy. There’s a ton of reviews of everything you could ever want.
Thanks! I’ll check that out.
Oh Joy Sex Toy is the best.
I don’t have a specific suggestion, but would like to make a general suggestion that if you’re in a big city you go to your local badass lady-friendly sexy store (I’m in NY, so I do Babeland). The people there will be lovely (sometimes in a literal don’t-think-about-it-or-buying-sex-toys-from-them-will-be-awkward way) and helpful and if you describe the kind of sensation/material/etc you like, they can point you the right way. Plus, you know it’ll be good quality and not full of bad chemicals and stuff.
Also, YAY VIBRATORS 🙂
*follows this thread with fascination, having never owned or used a vibrator*
This one! http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/mysticwand/
That’s the Mystic Wand. This Oh Joy Sex Toy comic about it gave me the details to decide it really was the one for me to try. (Her comics are AWESOME.)
It’s one of the rumbly type vibrators. I use it mostly to apply pressure like I normally would with my hand. The vibrations have really increased the intensity of my orgasms. I also got the closest to coming from oral sex ever, recently. I think the experience with the vibrator helped with that. It’s also amazing to use to finish myself after intercourse. (I’m pretty new to using a vibrator, too.)
It’s $69 from Babeland (my local shop didn’t have it) but if it’s the right type for you and you can swing it, it’s totally worth it.
YES
Just in case in any other Australians are reading this, I used http://www.femplay.com.au for my first journey into vibrators. I picked up their first-timers bundle to get started. It has a rabbit with a dazzling array of buttons, a standard bullet, and a g-spot vibrator (all waterproof, yay!), plus lube and cleaner. Worth checking out if you were like me – 29 years old and with zero sex toy experience.
(They also sent me ben-wa balls as a gift, but I don’t really know what they do and I haven’t tried them out yet.)
You guys! I just got a CAT!!! He is amazing and hiding under my bed and I actually haven’t seen him in three days so I’m not sure if I have a cat or a Ghost I Make Sacrifices To and Occasionally Receive Poop In Return or not but IN THEORY my new cat is cool. We are first time pet owners and that is really exciting? Also Said Cat came with a (somewhat horrible) shelter name that I totally adore, so I hope that eventually we can be best buddies?
It is so hard to not be VERY EXCITED and potentially smother this (clearly, very shy) shelter cat. And also I’m nervous because I’m supposed to take him to the vet soon.. but he won’t come out when I’m around… and hauling him out from under my bed and stuff and fighting with him to get into the carrier… won’t that ruin any progress we have made?? 🙁 I want him to love me.
It took a while for Gomez to move out from base camp (under the bed) after I brought him home from the shelter. Give it time. (It probably helped in my case though that I got a cat who would prefer to smother me with affection rather than the other way around.)
Yep, leave PossibleCat alone under the bed, put his food and water there and have the litterbox handy, he will come out when he’s ready and will be better for not being rushed. Saffron lived in the cupboard under the sink for about a month!
My little one needed to go to the vet six days after I got him, when he was just starting to come out of hiding. I definitely had to fight him to get him in the carrier.
It did not do any serious damage to our relationship, as far as I can tell. He took a day to hide, then went back to where he was in terms of progress.
He loves me and my wife SO MUCH. There are pictures of him gazing adoringly at her that I wish I could post here, and he basically never leaves my side when I’m home. He’s like a dog in his unwavering love for us.
You’re going to be fine. 🙂
oh gooood!!! Good to hear!! That’s what I was looking for! Now, I just have to make that vet appointment and figure out how I’ll get to him without damaging either of us.
Welding gloves, or at least those cheap leather and canvas work gloves, work pretty well.
I said this above, but just want to expand: try throwing a big towel over him. It shortens the chase dramatically, so there is less for him to remember; he can’t see, so he won’t directly associate it with you; he’ll be surprised/disoriented, so it gives you time to scoop him up fast and get him in a good holding position. Also it is pretty soft and gentle as a mode of capture. You might have to move the bed first, or have a friend move the bed while you hold the towel ready.
A method my partner figured out for getting the cat into the carrier is to put the carrier on the edge of the table and then hold the cat in the air in front of it. She trots straight in, presumably so that she has something firm under her paws. It’s also a good idea to leave the carrier out with a nice blanket or towel in it, preferably with treats folded into the towel for a fun game, and the cat gets used to it.
Congrats on the kitty, and bless you for the rescue! Such a handsome chap. I’ve always had a thing for redheads, and I bet he’ll be very visible when he’s hiding under the table during pouncing games, too. (Our girlie loves doing that, and she’s a black kitty. I’ve plugged in a nightlight under there by now.) Once pettings are permitted, give him scritchings under his fuzzy little chin from me.
My Cat From Hell is great for learning about how to do cat stuff.
Yes, my cat’s introduction to people was not very pleasant for him. He was a feral kitten and due to rapidly dropping temperatures we couldn’t wait to try and gently coax him into loving us so his first experience of my boyfriend and I was us hunting him around the enclosed foundation of the trailer for an hour, catching him in a fishing net, and shoving him into a rubbermaid tote so we could crawl out from under the trailer with him. Then after two days my boyfriend decided to speed things up a bit by putting on heavy gloves, picking up the hissing, growling little beast, and holding him until he calmed down. It was surprisingly successful, within a few minutes the cat was climbing all over him like a jungle gym and still loves him madly.
So, basically, I wouldn’t worry about traumatizing him. It seems cats will be ok even if you do everything wrong.
Congratulations! I’ve had good luck calming an anxious cat with a Feliway diffuser, I think there are a couple of brands. Currently using one in my new apartment until the “what’s THIS?!?” reaction calms down.
Ooh good to know. I’ve looked at getting one of those but was a little skeptical of them. I’ll give those a try this weekend.
I used one of those with my new kitten and it worked like a charm.
We had a ghost cat for something like ten years, until she was finally ready to come out and say hi. (This had a lot to do with the fact that we brought home two cats at once, and ghost cat was friends with non-ghost cat and only made friends with the rest of us after non-ghost cat passed.) I recommend leaving food where he can get to it. Getting him to the vet will probably be a task, but I still think you should do it for his own safety.
If he’s super duper anxious, something like rescue remedy (probably in a diffuser) has come in handy for my sister. She has a cat that is absolutely terrified of rainstorms, and it helps a lot.
oooh good to know. Thank you! And awww, Ghost Cats are a real thing, apparently! I had no idea.
We had a Ghost Cat who was recovering from abuse (not sure what, since she was a stray before coming to the shelter, but she clearly had A Past), and she went from never being less than 10 feet away, to sticking to us like glue. It all happens eventually.
My cats hid for days when I first got them–he’ll come out on his own when it’s time. And Poop (at least in the right place) is a good sign. I know the feeling of wanting the snuggles, but sometimes cats just gotta cat for awhile.
Pics or it didn’t happen, Lemontx. And congrats!
How do I take photos of a cat I haven’t seen since I was at the shelter?? lol. Here is is on imgur at the Pet Store: http://imgur.com/4l0gIKN His name is Hamburgler and I love him even though he is hiding forever
HAMBURGLER??? <3
ALSO HOORAY FOR HANDSOME ORANGE KITTIES!
TY TY I appreciate an enthusiastic response because My Initial response was along the lines of “LMAO HE’S PERFECT I DON’T EVEN NEED TO MEET HIM” and then he was pretty sweet at the shelter in spite of 1) being pretty new there and 2) even being characterized by the shelter people as an independent cat. We are already making jokes about how if we were to get a kitten someday to be his friend (very unlikely tbh) we’d have to name it Whopper Jr.
LOOKIT HIS BIG ORANGE FACE
Ah, so handsome!
OH gosh his face!!!
Oh you have an Orange Cat.
Fear not, he’ll adjust and then appear and demand attention and you will pretty much never be left alone. (Orange cats are the best cats. I may be slightly biased as I have an attention-seeking Orange cuddle machine. I was unaware of their reputation before she arrived.)
I adore him!
OH HE HAS ONE SCRAGGLY EAR <3
Awww, Hamburgler! His clipped ear makes him look very rakish indeed–my kitty has exactly the same thing, just on the opposite ear.
The ear tipping means that at some time your cats were part of a TNR (trap/neuter/release–though that includes spays too, and I think they may use a different acronym now) program and either were released and found to be too comfortable around people to be part of a feral colony. Or as they recovered from the surgery were found to be tame and able to be adopted out, so were never released.
That would also be part of the explanation for the under the bed stance. He likes people, but he was never fully socialized as a kitten, so he has to contemplate his new surroundings. Taking him to the vet won’t change his mind (he might retreat under the bed for awhile, but he’ll get over it), and the downthread suggestion of a book and some treats will certainly help him make up his mind that you are a good part of life. 😉 Even fully feral cats can turn into snuggly cats (I have one now, you would never know that he had to be live trapped–he demands his due pettings from all.)
SO handsome!
I heartily approve of this handsome gent. He is making my heart a bit hurty and kitten-wanting, if I”m being honest. Congrats, and good luck with the snuggle-mission!
Oh my gosh he looks remarkably like Catsby the Bookshop Cat who I follow on Instagram! https://instagram.com/catsby_the_bookshop_cat/
He is so beautiful! Orange cats are wonderful.
Agreeing with the thread at large – cats gonna cat. Let him have a safe space that feels like his own, and as his sense of security grows, his space will expand to include you. Feliway is a good thing to try, as is catnip. If it is not cost-prohibitive, an in-house vet visit might not be a bad option if you have pressing concerns and don’t want to traumatize him or lose trust. Though, going out and coming back to the same space will probably do a lot less damage than you think.
SWEETIE! That face!
So. . .can he haz cheezburgr?
:ducks:
Congrats! I have no advice! But a cat! I changed my shelter cats horrible name and it only took a month or so for her to respond to it. Granted, now I just call her squeakly little baby kitten anyways, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
His name is Hamburgler and we are going to go with Hammy/any variation of Ham+whatever I think, though I’m not sure it REALLY matters with all of the cats I’ve known and how little shits they usually give about being addressed by first names
Yup, so true.
Mine both get called kitten face a lot. My girl cat also gets called princess face and kittentron. Eh, they answer to those, so I’m calling it okay.
Yaaaaay, cat!
You wil need: a large engrossing book, one small bowl of really amazingly smelly cat-treat food (like tuna or chicken deli meat), several hours of free time.
Sit yourself down on the floor so that you are not facing where the kitty is hiding, but perpendicular to him. Put the delicious food down between you and the hiding place, ideally where the cat would be out from under things but more than an arm’s reach away from you. Don’t make any big or sudden movements or look at the cat, but move around a little. Just read the book and entertain yourself with it.
The cat should come out and investigate the food and hopefully you. Don’t try to touch him or even really look at him until he’s had some encounters with you and become less skittish. Basically you want to have him associate you with delicious treats and after a few sessions, with friendly petting. Each time try to move the food closer to you until he has to walk over you or you are feeding him. Go slowly and this should work.
I got my shelter cats to be very socialized to me, but didn’t do enough work on having them get used to visitors so nobody ever sees my cats but me. Ah well.
Cats are suckers for being ignored by someone with a book. That’s actually science.
this is great advice! you can eventually pet your cat while it eats. and then start to handle it as much at it will let you, so it can have positive experiences with human contact. i flipped a bunch of really skittish kittens who were technically past the age where you can flip them, but their limited human contact allowed it to happen, and now they are all happy and normal.
fosters are encouraged to give unique names so the cat is easily identifiable, so sometimes they seem terrible, but we fully expect adopters to change them. hamburglar is awesome.
You may also try tempting him to come out with a super fun toy instead of food? Like one of those dangly toys where a fun item is at the end of a string? Cats are hunters and giving him something to hunt might help him de-stress. I’ve seen Jackson Galaxy use this trick on My Cat From Hell (which is a great show if you want to learn a lot about cats!) Even if he doesn’t come out it might entertain him a little bit; I bet hiding under the bed being all scared is super boring.
My roommate’s cat just came to live with us, and he’s been pretty shy so far. At first he was just hanging out in her room, but then he discovered the space under my bed and apparently loves it there, to the point where he stayed there, unbeknownst to me, until I was right on the edge of falling asleep last night, and then came out and jumped onto the bed, giving me a shot of adrenaline I didn’t come down from for another hour or so. He’s a gorgeous orange cat, and I’m excited to be able to post pictures in the cat thread as soon as I see him in daylight long enough to take a picture.
also, sorry i didn’t say this before: BLESS YOU for adopting a difficult shelter cat! I’m sure you can bring this guy around, but so many people pass them over, and you didn’t!
i forgot: there are some fun wand and bopper-type toys that maybe will be interesting to your cat while it looks at them from under the bed. something you can dangle around while you’re taking reading breaks & waiting for him to come out. sometimes they need to focus on a third thing rather than scary human. also, getting little treats you can drop on the floor just outside the bed, maybe you’ll get some hilarious pawing and eventually some coming out to say hi.
Oh, CL personals .Never change.
hi ladies ,im **** winthrop ma next to boston , seeking a live in best friend w benefits ,lover. if you work near or in boston , this could be great for both , single 5,9 150 , fun eeasygoing , love to please , must be employed , n pet frindly , nice place to come home to 375.00 covers rent n utils bye n thanks ,,,p.s dont direct me to a dating site ”
Gee,such a great deal. I’m sure that you totes wouldn’t end up buried in the cellar.
OH HELLS NO
“successful mature man 41 seeking single and struggling mom 18-23.
put your town in the subject line so i know you are local. NOT seeking
anyone out of the *****areas. surrounding towns ok. leave
a local cell number so i can text with u. if you can only communicate
during certain times of the day be sure to let me know. if you dont leave
a number you will be ignored. i live in the ******l area. My
preferences are shorter girls with dark or dirty blonde hair. 5ft- 5-3 tall.
NOT CREEPY AT ALL
THERE WOULD BE NO REASON TO CHECK THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY. NOPE
I always assume that men who actively seek out single moms (as opposed to simply being openminded about possibly dating single moms) are actually pedophiles looking for access to kids.
the “and struggling” part was kind of a tipoff too. Gross.
SINGLE MOMS PUT OUT. DUH.
Or, pedophile. It can be hard to tell, sometimes.
NONONONO
That is horrifying.
You don’t even get free rent in exchange for sleeping with this terrible guy? What a raw deal.
I live in Somerville and my first reaction to this was “yeah, but $375 rent…” so you know the housing situation is dire.
Hahahahahaha yes as someone who was just priced out of her 10 year Somerville apt. I had the same thought! But it was closely followed by, “but…Winthrop.”
Yeahhhh…. Somerville. I felt sad to leave to go to my cheap, distant end of the Orange Line. But now my friends are starting to come live near me. Thanks, crazy housing market!
When I moved to Boston, I kept accidentally emailing this same Craig’s List guy with a beautiful big house in Porter Square with studio space and suspiciously cheap rent. And then he’d write back, “Nope it’s me again, the nudist. Hope the search is going well.”
To be fair, he kept reposting constantly to make it look different each time.
I don’t know if it’s the same guy, but I definitely remember a nudist on Boston area CL during one of my apartment searches. Looking for a female roommate only.
During a recent heatwave where we were loathe to turn on the stove or oven, a very good friend brought a completely prepared meal over for dinner. This was a luxury of friendship I had not yet known! We invited another mutual friend and it was a very good time.
She brought a cauliflower cake and a tomato & pomegranate salad, both from Ottolenghi’s Plenty More cookbook. They were both beautiful and delicious. The cauliflower cake has a sesame seed crust!
Cauliflower cake??!?
Indeed! It was like a quiche with no pie crust (and a bit fluffier?) Savory and delicious!
I think I have made that cauliflower cake! Or possibly my boyfriend did. I have definitely eaten cauliflower cake made to an Ottolenghi recipe.
Vegetarian entree- Martha Stewart has an excellent if time consuming healthyish recipe for eggplant parmesan. I have only made this on lazy weekend days where I don’t mind hanging around the oven for a few hours- http://www.marthastewart.com/313564/baked-eggplan…
I have made it several times and always gotten rave reviews!
Ahhhh Toastfolk I am slightly panicking as I am meeting bf’s mom this month (first family member I have met) and oh goodness I do not want to mess up. He assures me there’s no way for me to fail (unless I set my mind to that outcome and tried really hard), but I have a lot of anxiety about this sort of stuff. Parents can be judgey about who their kids end up with!
Where are you going to meet? If it’s at all possible to meet up in your own territory, that might help. One of the best parent meetups I ever had was when they were visiting mine and bf-at-that-time’s neighborhood, which is lovely and fun to walk around, so the format of the meeting was “let us show you around this awesome neighborhood!” and it was very pleasant and easy.
She wants to take us out for brunch, which is very kind. So now it’s just about finding a suitable and tasty spot.
Yes, parents can be judgey. But it’s *your* judgment that counts. Meeting The Parents is almost entirely for *your* benefit. You get to see what kind of person raised your bf. You get to see how bf treats her. Is it different from how he treats you? If so, that could be a danger signal. How he treats a woman he has been attached to for decades is how he will eventually treat you, if you allow it.
Be the most polite version of your wonderful self. Let bf’s mom see who you truly are. You are amazing and you deserve the best. Anyone who cannot agree to this does not deserve to be in your future.
She’s apparently quite happy for him and excited about meeting; I mean, she mentioned it on her first day in town. What little I’ve seen on FB suggests she’s a nice lady. He certainly loves her, from the discussions we’ve had about his childhood and such. So I am 95% sure that things will go well, but I’m still anxious. Mostly because we have an age difference (which his sister has, too, with her partner, but they’re the “usual” kind where the man is older) and I have Issues around being judged by people. My baggage, let me show you it!
You recognize your baggage and you’re willing to talk about it = You are doing great. The Hyphen Toast Dot Net is a safe place to show your baggage. You know all of this. Just reminding you. ::hugs::
Also it’s apparently her birthday next week so I am either going to send a wee flower delivery that morning or else I will bring it to brunch after the fact. Not sure yet.
I was eating Falafel-Spiced Tomatoes And Chickpeas On Flatbread all last week and it was so. good. It’s a bit annoying to have to make all the separate elements, but the payoff is amazing!
Also, Toasts, I am starting a fancy job detail at my agency’s actual downtown office on Monday! I’m excited but also nervous and also I am going to have to make a real effort to get to bed MUCH earlier because I’m expected to arrive at 8am.
Also, also, are any other horror-oriented Toasties watching Scream Queens? It’s ridiculous (in a mostly good way) and the twist at the end of last week’s episode was p. good. Not at all into the casual racism.
That recipe made my entire office jealous when I brought it in for lunch- so tasty!
Yeah, once you have all the components made, putting it together is super easy. I also kept the balls of dough in my fridge and only cooked them up right before I was going to eat, so I had fresh, warm flatbread.
Toasts! A strange and bizarre new opportunity has possibly cracked open in my universe, in that I might suddenly *come in to a few dollars*, like in a Victorian novel. It’s a possibility previously unthinkable in my life, and I’m mulling over what to do.
What would YOU do if you came into, say, the equivalent of a year’s modest-ish salary all at once, assuming there were no giant debts to pay? Not a win-the-lottery amount, just….an amount that you never thought you’d have in your hands all at once?
I’d plan on more vacations- to places I’ve always wanted to go to, or to people I miss seeing.
I’m so excited for you! Extra money is always lovely.
I’d say use the money to buy one nice treat for yourself. Fancy vacation, new car, that type of thing, and then invest the rest for retirement/future kids college/future unemployement etc.
Agree. One nice treat and then save the rest–3-6 months in a liquid emergency fund and then something more long term with the rest. I am boring and old.
I would try really hard to make it *just* one thing, though. I’ve had a few windfalls of various sizes over the years, and it’s very easy to say “just one thing” and then watch as that one thing turns into multiple 🙂
This! Set aside a portion as mad money (vacation, shopping spree, whatevs) so you don’t feel deprived, and then create or pad your emergency fund. Peace of mind can be priceless. I forget where I read it, but I like the idea of having an emergency fund so that a layoff/firing creates annoyance rather than a panic attack.
There would be some kind of big and otherwise nearly impossible trip for me – like, Australia and New Zealand for three weeks or something like that.
Down payment on a house or a whole vacation, depending on my life circumstances! Also I would go online and probably buy one really nice crazy thing that I would never normally buy, e.g. nice furniture or clothes or art.
I second the vacations/ travel suggestion
I’d also put half of it in a retirement account/savings (like a Roth IRA)
I agree with everyone recommending buying experiences, such as travel. I would spend at least six months planning, though. Tuck it away for six months. I make better financial decisions after the excitement wears off.
1 – Trip! Everyone loves trips.
2 – Set aside a given amount of it for an ongoing luxury that you wouldn’t normally think of yourself as being able to afford – housecleaner, grocery delivery, buying lunch at work, etc. Something that will make your life just a little bit easier for a while.
3 – Set aside a certain amount each month – something excitingly large for a normal expense, but not going to drain your windfall immediately, like $100-300 – for something that you want that you would normally have to save up for/agonize over before buying. For some reason everything that I am thinking of revolves around home supplies (frames for the things on my walls! better pots and pans!), but could also include concert tickets! skydiving! really nice blends of tea …. um. right. I am basically a hobbit and not good at thinking of adventuresome things. But I love it when I’m able to just let myself splurge on something, no matter how prosaic it may be.
I think I’d use it as a down payment on a condo. Right now I can afford mortgage payments on a decent place, but I don’t have the savings to afford a down payment.
(My first instinct was “pay off my goddamn student loans,” but then I saw the clause about no major debts.)
That exact thing happened to me. I took $4000 out and bought a nice camera and went on a fun trip then invested the rest with a firm declaration that I was not touching it until I bought a house or retired (barring extreme emergency or job loss etc.). The financial adviser I talked to to set my investments up said he’s often seen windfalls like that get spent little by little on splurges until they’re all gone, so he recommends taking money off the top for a splurge then considering the rest untouchable. I dipped into that to supplement my own savings for my downpayment on my house and otherwise haven’t touched it so it seems to be working.
I got a weird semi-inheritance windfall like that when I was young, like 13 or 14?? My grandparents actually kept it for me so it wouldn’t show up on my FAFSA…. but I used it for a bunch of “non-essential” stuff throughout high school and college- like summer camp, 6 years of music lessons/instrument purchases or rentals which my parents wouldn’t have been able to afford otherwise, paying for my summer abroad program, etc… & I used the last of it last year to buy my car!
Fling it in the bank to gain interest while I pondered my options.
Is there a kind of class/lessons that you’ve always wanted to take? Buying physical things doesn’t lead to lasting happiness, but if you’re excited about learning tango/guitar/Krav Maga/aerial silks/pottery/whatever, that can continue adding to your life for a long time!
I know someone this actually happened to; they set it up as a vacation fund, basically, invested it and used the income for trips.
This is kind of a bummer of a comment, but think about your taxes when you make your plans! Pretty much any kind of income that’s not super shady and under the table will impact your taxes, and you don’t want to portion it all out and then find out you owe 20% in taxes, or whatever.
I like all the ideas here! For me, making a really big donation to a nonprofit I care about would feel amazing and be one of my first priorities. Or a not-non-profit group (like some of the Black Lives Matter chapters) that can’t get tax deductible donations and are less likely to get donations.
If the estate is less than roughly $5 million, you’re good. There’s no estate tax for the vast majority of inheritances.
I just want to second Momthra: the threshold limit for inheritance taxes used to be $2million, and now it’s $5million, thanks to crazy Republicans. There is no way you owe inheritance taxes unless the estate is worth more than $5million, and even then it is usually the “estate” of the dead person that pays the taxes before the inheritance is distributed — not you.
So have no worries in this case – you don’t owe taxes!
I’d pay off my student loans. It would be amazing.
Invest/save it and use the interest as needed/desired. I love the reliability and security of that. Having some money coming in regularly regardless of life circumstances.
ETA: In my imagination, I mean. I can only hope to be able to sock away enough money to partially realize this dream someday.
put half of it in a nice index mutual fund in a Roth IRA account — the market is down so this is an *excellent* time to buy!!
after that, I personally would take a trip (to Iceland!) and/or create a big fund for me to do things like take taxicabs occasionally when carrying heavy loads, or do other things that money simply makes easier — and/or things that money can do to give me more time to do things I actually want to do.
Gym fitness and everything thread!
I’m really sad about a back injury that keeps persisting! I have been going light on my weights for a few weeks, and seeing a physio and chiro, but still lots of pain. My dreams of winning provincials are evaporating… I haven’t properly trained due to various injuries since May!
Do you have a sports physio or just a regular one? I have only gone to a sports physio, but I hear it can be a very different experience – the sports ones really focus on getting you back to sports shape, rather than just “better”
A special sports one for physio and chiro! Yeah it’s much better. I hate when any medical professional is like, “oh, doing activity X causes you pain? Well it seems the solution is to never do activity X again. Simple!”
I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with that! I’m currently cranky with myself – my month of unlimited Crossfit ends Monday, and I did only about 30% as many classes as I wanted to. When I set my goal, I just completely neglected to take into account the recovery time necessary after each class. I’m trying to remember that 30% as many classes as I wanted to do is still more than 0%.
How did you like the first month, though? I really, really enjoy Crossfit. How often a week do you go? When I started, I was 2x/week and sore all the time. After two months, I changed to 3x a week and was less sore! Now I really only get sore if its a movement I haven’t done in a while (eg, if I haven’t done wallballs since last month, and now I do Karen) or when there’s HUGE volume of one movement (100 pullups for time). So, perhaps you will feel less sore with time, too!
What’s your favourite Crossfit stuff? I love overhead squats and rowing
Well, I finished my foundations classes and then managed to go about 2x a week (with one week off for illness). I am hoping to stay on the 2x pattern with one day of working out at home (running or yoga or something). I kind of *like* the soreness, you know? It makes me feel like I accomplished something. It’s the sheer exhaustion that gets me. Let’s see, what’s my fave – I’m weirdly partial to wallclimbs just because they’re so egregiously hard and awful. I’m kind of coming off as a masochist here, aren’t I? Ha!
Girl, I hear you. I’m looking at 18 months since I picked up anything heavier than the Culligan water bottles at my office. UGH. So yeah, all the sympathy.
Weights hiatus, checking in. Last week the horse I was leading slipped and fell, in the process knocking me over and breaking two bones in my foot; now, while I’ve avoided surgery, I am sentenced to three weeks or more of no weight-bearing activity, let alone hopping up the two flights of stairs to the gym’s weights area. A sad trombone bwamps in the distance. Fortunately, my earlier weights and yoga work helped give me better balance and core and arm strength to help with the crutching situation. (The horse is okay. He got a couple of days off just in case and is now back to work, if a bit more careful when he’s in the aisle where he skidded.)
I always, always want my vegetarian meals to be bell pepper-free! will be perusing these suggestions madly.
&& I made this chickpea ragout the other day? except with basically none of the right spices because I’m no longer using my parents’ kitchen. But it was still pretty tasty + easy to add other beans/veggies to make something more substantial.
I would love to try the chickpea ragout but the link isn’t working 🙁
ah, apologies for my html fail 🙁
here!
Thank you!
Hello Toasts! I’m going to New Jersey next weekend for awesome KPop related reasons and have a question for anyone in the area. We’ll be staying near the beautiful Newark airport and probably want to get to the Prudential Center by 7pm on Saturday… does that leave us enough time to go do Things in NYC? A single Thing? High Line, maybe?
(In other news, I hope the site update means that one day I’ll be able to stay logged in on intensedebate!)
ahhhh Big Bang, right? I’m so jealous!!! 2 of my friends are going but they bought their tix without me and I didn’t want to sit by myself :((( and now it’s basically too late to go anyways. But I hope you have fun!
Yessssss. I bought slightly crappy pre-sale ticket because I wasn’t sure the concert was real. Send your friends in with a good camera!
I would be very careful, tbh. Newark Airport does have good transit into midtown Manhattan, but everything still takes longer than you think. The High Line is relatively accessible from midtown, but it can be a little difficult to find, plus on the weekends the subway schedule is often super messed up.
Thanks, very good to know!
I am having the worst day, toasties, for no real reason. I’m just feeling super anxious and out of sorts and everything is terrible. So obviously I’m going to hang out on the open thread for most of the work day. What do you like to do to break out of a bad mood?
So I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately, but because it’s October 2nd, I’m watching/listening to Bad Halloween Music because I’m excited and also because it annoys 99.9% of my friends. I’m not even like, ~gothy witchy halloween girl~ I just like how silly Halloween Music is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6-ZGAGcJrk
I don’t know, it makes me laugh and helps me forget that I have a mountain of homework to do.
I’ve been feeling this way lately, too. What broke me out of it (just yesterday!) was talking to a few friends and my mom (all separately), and making plans to see people. This probably wouldn’t work for me normally, but I’ve been feeling like I hate my city lately, so connecting with people who make living here better helps. Just some food for thought!
For me, it’s almost always going for a walk that will do it, if anything will. My grandma used it call going for a random, aimless walk “blowing the stink off of ya”, and I chuckle about it every time I remember.
My mom uses that phrase too! For like going for a walk, a bike ride, or a hike.
I highly recommend frivolous or slightly expensive chocolate!
Opposite ends of the spectrum: nap or work out.
My template for an extended Nap Day: stay in (or change into) my hole-y yoga pants with a soft T, get a stack of fun familiar novels and a bottle of water, and hole up in bed, alternately reading and napping. If I’m of a mind to move instead, I’ll do a long yin yoga practice, a good sweaty uphill walk on the treadmill, a weights workout I know by heart…something that engages my body more than my mind.
And then a phone call to my dad can often shake me out of a mood. He’s very down to earth and practical but often has a Peak Dad type of experience to pass on that leaves me shaking my head (and laughing).
I nap!
But also sometimes music can help. Honest to god look up the ARIA: The Animation soundtrack, because it is the most chipper fucking music and also soothing as hell? It’s choro – lots of string instruments and piano (which is a string instrument, but not traditionally choro) and everything sounds like raindrops and skipping through puddles and swinging on a porch with lemonade in the spring (especially Shouryou no Patri and Aqua Alta and okay everything that’s not a vocal and also some of the vocals???)
No matter how bad my depression and anxiety is, I put that music on and I can’t help but be distracted until the worst of the physical symptoms are improved (even if they come back later). Other music is good, too, but the ARIA soundtrack is so effortlessly cheerful without being “pop” music that it sort of seeps in instead of attacking. Distraction is my best solution, tbh.
Of course, my anxiety about being called by my legal name at work has me dealing with diarrhea (tmi sorry) the last 16 hours, so I can’t say that this is a permanent or long-term solution. It did help me have a few hours last night of peace, until I got to work and was reminded of the problema gain, at least.
Like many of the above suggestions, I might bake or cook, or take myself out to the ocean and just sit listening to the waves. Sometimes I read, and sometimes I purposely put on a movie I know will make me cry without fail and just let it all out. If I don’t really want to cry then I’ll force myself in the other direction by watching Whose Line or Fry & Laurie.
If the weather matches my mood (grey and drizzly), I go for long solitary walks and revel in my blahness for a while. Sometimes people offer to join me and I have to tell them that company is not the point, let me marinate in my misery.
Otherwise, comfort tv (my personal never fail comfort series is Leverage) and a mindless knitting or crochet project so I can curl up on the couch for hours without feeling like I’m not doing anything.
This curry recipe has carrots AND bell peppers, but one could easily sub out the carrots for MORE SWEET POTATOES and leave out the bell peppers entirely. When I make it I typically double all the spices except the cayenne pepper.
Saag paneer!
This broccoli is goddamned heavenly. Dump it on buttered spaghetti, throw a crispy egg with a liquid yolk on top, BEST EVER.
If you live in a place that gets cozy at this time of year, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this Moroccan lentil stew. God it’s good.
will update as I think of more.
The place around the corner makes a good Penne Toscana?
This is how I cook. Restaurants or whining at Mr Rose to cook me a meal. I approve heartily of your Penne Toscana strategy.
My housemates and I are throwing a Halloween party! I know approximately 3 people in the area, so I am contributing via decorations and food rather than volume of guests. Does anybody have any favorite spooky decorations?
I love kitschy spooky shit so anything made out of paper like bat-bunting (this is for sale but you get the gist) https://www.etsy.com/listing/203362906/colony-of-… is my absolute favorite.
This Pacman Halloween garland:
Googly eyes optional.
I love, love, love the decor for the Tortured Artist Dinner Party that the folks over at The House That Lars Built thought up:
Overall decor
Ghost tablecloth
Ugh. So pretty.
I think themed parties are the easiest to decorate for. Some fun Halloween parties I’ve been to/heard of:
Freaky Tiki
Night Circus
evil librarian
Shipwreck (like spooky Under-the-Sea)
one where the host and hostess did up their house very 1950s and stayed in character all night as sort-of brainwashed 1950s alter egos
Tempeh orek: http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/food-dining/…
I’m having a blah day today, Toasties and I just wanna rant a little bit. The professional union at the place I work at does this yearly thing called “merit awards” where people nominate you for a merit award based on exemplary service, and if the committee chooses you, they announce the winners at a meeting and you get a bonus in your pay (like a good bonus, like, several hundred bucks.) Anyway, last year I got nominated by multiple people but since I was in the clerical union at the time, I wasn’t eligible for the professional union merit awards. (Which I get, but which was also annoying bc there was literally only like 3 clerical people at the time, most of us doing work way above our grade, but I digress.) So anyway okay fine, I understood that. But then this year, I had been reclassified into the professional union a couple months ago, and I thought hey, this year I’m eligible. Turns out, NOPE. My boss emailed me telling me that she had nominated me and everyone on the committee agreed that I deserved it, but there’s a clause in the merit awards that you have to have been employed for 6 months. Since it’s only been a few months since my reclassification, I don’t qualify, even though I’ve ACTUALLY worked here for almost 6 years now. So. Sigh. My boss sent me her nomination and it’s SO NICE (one of those things where someone else describes how much work you did on a project and you’re like, wait, I did that? Because at the time it just feels like doing work/your job, you know?) and the president even came upstairs to apologize and tell me he thought I deserved it… and I keep telling myself that’s all stuff to be proud of and I AM but also I’m SAD and mildly ANNOYED and my brain keeps thinking “okay but this would be 10000x nicer with the several hundred extra dollars in my paycheck.)
Sigh. And now I’m sad and I spent the morning trying not to cry at my desk, not because I’m that upset but because I am Rachel Green and I always cry from an intensity of any emotion. I really don’t need advice or anything I guess I just wanted to rant/commiserate, blargh.
ANYWAY TO BE LESS DEPRESSING, my friend Libby’s puppy Em (aka Marilyn Monroe) got a giant stuffed animal at my recommendation to help her stop whining. it works, and she is adorable with it. Also she likes running under the couch and popping out of it upside down:
That bottom left pic killed me.
I AM POSTING THIS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE
RIGHT THOUGH? That’s from her game of “run under the couch/ottoman, and pop out the otherside upside down” HER FLOPPY EARS, gosh.
Em is adorable! Good work, suggesting the big stuffed companion.
All that disqualification bullshit at your job is misogyny. Maybe not directly, but a direct result. Women have been clerical staff for decades. Women’s work, at home and at the office, has been devalued, if not ignored, forever. Clerical staff should have been part of professional staff all along. The clerical union was necessary only because of the exclusion/misogyny. You deserve better. We all do.
She is! I’d hoped it would work like it did for my kitten. He was too young when I rescued him (3 weeks) so he slept with a teddy bear of mine and it seemed to help .
Yeah, I wouldn’t say it’s directly caused by misogyny HERE (the place where I work is legit like 75% women and very women-friendly), but I do agree that the devaluation of clerical work on a whole comes from sexism without a doubt. Here it’s more a problem where the clerical positions are used when money is tight; they want to hire people to fill positions but they don’t have money in the budget to hire people on the salary levels of the professional union, so they make them clerical positions. It sucks, and it took me (and the other women in the other clerical positions who came on a bit after I did) years to work up to being reclassified into the professional union.
Basically, clerical positions as a whole are devalued thanks to deeply rooted sexism and the place I work at took advantage of that devaluation (not in an intentionally sexist way I don’t think) to get amazing workers for less money. Which isn’t surprising, a lot of places unfortunately do that. Thankfully my boss is awesome and fought to get me out of that rut.
I just can’t buy that there is no other mechanism for them to give you a performance bonus in this circumstance. If not the union, then your supervisor or the president? Get it together, employer!
AND O-M EVER-LOVING G that puppy!
Argh, how frustrating!!! I hate stupid bureaucratic nonsense like that. Merit based is merit based. I get what they’re doing but…. so unfortunate. I’m glad your coworkers and boss had your back in terms of expressing admiration for your work, though.
That puppy is Too Sweet. I cannot handle it.
Favorite veg entree is sweet potato latkes, using the Smitten Kitchen recipe. Eat with sour cream or sometimes a fried egg on top.
Kinda sorta fashion thread?
Ever have one of those days when you look down and are continually surprised by boobs? I keep having to remind myself ‘oh yeah. Push up bra plus low top plus genetics.’ The length of this skirt is a little shorter than I’d like, but judging from my constant rediscovery of the shelf situation there, odds are no one’s looking at my legs. (Which is a shame cause I like these stompy combat boots.)
Also I requisitioned my mother’s old oversized leather Banana Republic jacket -from back in the day when they still sold safari & travel clothing, aka 1990- and it may not be quite hip anymore, but I don’t care. I’ve got a dirtbag “militantly straightedge/vegan” ethics professor to make uncomfortable.
For a while I had a great track record of wearing my leather jacket to campus on days when PETA would be handing out flyers. It was delightful.
Oh good god he’s one of those, too?
Oh yeah.
Militantly straightedge is the exact phrase he used to describe himself. I vomited a little in my mouth at the time.
I need to find some horribly suggestively shaped sausages to eat during class in the most threatening manner possible.
I hope you find them! Make his life hell.
Every new thing you mention about this guy makes him sound even better. WHAT A TREASURE.
how about some of those super long Slim-Jims, and you could dangle it into your mouth and eat it with lots of smacking and slurping.
What if you made little hot dog octopuses? You could then line them up on your desk to show how cute they are and then pop them into your mouth with much lip smacking.
Because I chose to be child-free, and because my partner is interested in other parts of my body, I decided my large boobs have few purposes better than making dirtbags uncomfortable. Flaunt that shelf, friend.
dirtbag “militantly straightedge/vegan” ethics professor
Christ almighty, just when I think he can’t get worse….
He can always get worse. His arguing for gun control is making me take the other side.
Why won’t my shirt stay closed? Why are there all these gaps? I swear it didn’t fit like this when I bought it. WHY EVEN ARE BOOBS A THING?
Sometimes I think about how much better lying on my stomach would be without these ridiculous boobs.
I had to have a mole removed from my back. The doctor suddenly excused himself from the exam/procedure room. He returned with a blushing young male orderly carrying as many pillows as he could pile in his arms and still see where he was going. The very young man quickly arranged all those pillows on the exam/procedure table so I could lie on my belly without hurting my ridiculous breasts. Poor kid’s face was hot pink.
/facepalm
At a DOCTOR’S OFFICE. They are uncomfortable about BREASTS??
Just, no.
This kid had to be only 18, 19 at most. It could have been his first job since his paper route.
I am kind of shocked by my boobs on the regular. Over the last 10 years they went from a C cup to something more like a F (we’re ignoring how messed up US bra sizing is). When I wear the right bra (or a corset) I can get some pretty epic cleavage.
people are always amazed when i pull out my older-lady lore of the days when banana republic had jeeps and binoculars and sold vests and looked like a jungle trading post.
I guess a large percentage of my relatives were into the safari chic look in the 80s/90s and now I have this slightly bizarre collection of old, but still high end adventure gear. When I go rogue and decide to fulfil my childhood ambition and turn into Indiana Jones I’ll be set.
Please do this. I am fully in favor.
oh hells yeah. They’ve been so obnoxious lately, I am pulling fall/winter clothes out of my closet and discovering that NOTHING FITS ANYMORE. I mean all of me is a bit bigger, but the boobs part is where it’s becoming actually untenable/destructive/sob-inducing.
It’s even worse because I’m trying to take photos of stuff for a vintage-clothes Etsy but I can’t fit into anything and so it all looks awful.
I have the option of trying to find a model on Craigslist, photographing all the clothes hanging on hangars, or buying a dressform or something. Eugh.
Martial arts thread? I know there are at least a few Toasties out there that practice one art or another (and probably more of you lurking :P)
I am off to an all girl’s/women’s judo tournament this weekend with a carload of other women from our local collegiate club, which should be a blast- last year was the first year they’d put it on, and while it went less than smoothly (lots of waiting…), it was also totally awesome to be surrounded by that many badass ladies.
What are you ladies up to in your practices? Any tournaments or promotions coming up? Any technique you’ve finally nailed? Anyone thinking about taking up a martial art and have some questions?
I fell off the krav maga wagon for a bit due to illness/out of town/some family stuff, but I went back again last night, and next week I will once again confront My Nemesis, the hook punch >:C
Also, IT FINALLY HAPPENED, I have a bruise on my face! My partner kicked the pad right out of my hands at one point, and it came up and smacked me HARD on the bridge of my nose — it’s a teeny bruise, but I still feel like I hit some kind of Fite Life milestone.
Whenever I get bruises (especially really colorful ones) from sparring practice or tournaments I’m always insanely proud of them. I just swan around in sleeveless shirts silently showing them off and hoping someone asks me where I got them.
Once I get a job that pays for hobbies I want to get into either Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or Muay Thai. In the past I’ve done boxing and kali but I’m so out of practice that I’m basically a beginner again.
I earned a black belt in karate a few years ago, had to quit due to financial reasons, and now I live in a completely different part of the country and finally have enough money to start again! But, I need to find a new dojo and I’m a little bit daunted because there are a lot more options in my current location (although none in the style that I studied, ughhhh).
The sheer quantity of karate styles always astounds me. Judo mostly has one, with regional variants, but not much “so and so had philosophical differences with such and such which created a permanent schism” political history. Of course it’s also a pretty young art, as things go, with a strong (too strong?) International governing body.
I kind of love martial arts politics- plenty of intrigue, but pretty low stakes.
Yeah, I’ll take real-life low-stakes political intrigue with nobody getting beheaded/poisoned/stabbed and just watch all that higher stakes stuff on HBO.
What’s the learning curve for Judo? I’m interested in it but it seems like one of those styles that you have to be extremely physically fit to even begin learning (I’m fairly fit but not karate-fit right now). Is this accurate or is it less imposing to get into than it seems?
What style did you study? I did wado and really, really love it, except for all the men in martial arts groups who are mainly there to grab your boobs and be sexist. If I could find a women-only group I would start doing karate again in a heartbeat!
I did Uechi-ryu, which is about 50% hand work and 50% footwork, but if I had to pick a new style I’d probably try for something more foot-heavy because I prefer that. The area I grew up in had a weird proliferation of Uechi-ryu dojos and not a lot of anything else, for some reason.
I’m sorry about your crappy group, that must be awful! My group had a lot of women so we didn’t have that issue (or I just wasn’t aware of it) but there MUST be women-only dojos SOMEWHERE!
I just started doing Muay Thai and I like it a lot. Apparently I have a knack for throwing knees! Unfortunately, someone is filming a movie in the gym this week (perils of living in LA, I guess) and I’ll be in Seattle next week, so I have to take TWO WEEKS OFF, ugh.
Actually, does anyone have advice? The gym works on a drop-in basis–the instructor works with whoever shows up, whenever they show up, which is great! But sometimes I’m with a bunch of much more advanced students, and I get pulled into workouts that are way over my head. We did a completely bonkers leg workout that left me yelping in pain every time I bent my legs for almost a week. My quads were incredibly sore to the touch, I had to brace myself to get up and down the front step, etc. How do I politely inform the instructor that I just can’t keep up with people who have been working with him for years, without sounding like I’m whining or unwilling to work?
grab him before or after class and just tell him, “some days the workouts are more than I can handle — would you mind showing us modifications or more basic techniques?” a decent instructor will understand.
this is one of my Stances and I feel very strongly about this — the best way to hurt yourself badly is to do exercises when you’re not ready for them! instructors should push you to do your best, but if they aren’t aware or okay with people being at different fitness levels, ESPECIALLY new students, then frankly he shouldn’t really be teaching imo!
The exercises themselves (frog jumps, walking lunges) were simple enough–it was just the quantity and lack of rest time that killed me. Near the end he saw that I was struggling and cut down the number of reps, but I was already a nauseous wreck at that point. I guess I should just get over my fear of complaining… I want others to think well of me, and I’m the newest student/possibly the only adult woman at the gym, so the desire to Represent My Gender is strong.
Next time I go I’ll pull him aside and tell him that I was struggling to walk for days after that workout, and maybe to let me tone it down next time. And I’ll work on saying no when my body starts to give out instead of regretting my entire life afterwards.
So, it’s probably a bad sign that my first thought was “I remember those practices when I couldn’t walk down stairs afterwards. Good times.” (Ah, the “let’s do 100 reps of this throw” classes. My morote seoinage got a lot better, but going down stairs was ROUGH that week. Up weirdly worked fine)
It is worth having a word with the instructor ahead of time, but the easiest way I’ve found to modulate a workout to my current abilities (when coming back from an injury or whatever) is to do fewer reps by going slower/ just stopping sooner, pausing when I needed to, and just straight up stopping, as required. My dojo is super casual (and I’ve worked through a few injuries, so now I just do this sort of thing when I need to), so know your audience, of course.
Foam rolling, stretching, and being more active even when the DOMS is killing you will help, too.
Good luck at your judo competition!
I’ve been doing taekwondo with my university’s club team for the last year and I love it very much. We have our first tournament of the season coming up in two weeks and I’m testing for my blue belt the week after. I’ve been sad and frustrated because I’ve had to miss several days of training due to illness and I feel like I’m never going to be able to throw a proper spinning heel kick, but my team is a great support system.
well, due to Sensei being out of town, adults and brown belts had class together yesterday. Meaning I got my butt kicked by a bunch of under 5 ft twelve year olds. And I can’t lift my legs because my thighs are so sore from having to duck so low during sparring! But my daughter got her first stripe out of three towards her BLACK. WOOHOO !!! She’s now tied with one brother and two stripes behind the other one. BUt they both quit, so she’s determined not too. I am way out of shape on pushups and jumping jacks. I just learned “live legs” and now I’m relearning how to move in all my kata, which makes me feel sooooo clumsy but I know will be worth it in the end.
Also. We worked on a kata that involves double punches to the side. I need a bra that smooshes my chest flatter, because I didn’t clear the boobs yesterday when I punched and OW.
I think intense debate ate my reply. I love my Moving Comfort Jubralee for ultra flattening action- it’s my new go-to judo bra. It also wicks moisture really well, which is nice under my crazy heavy gi.
It’s amazing how working with the kids can wear you out- my hip was sore last week and I finally figured out it was because I’d taken so many falls for the kids…the getting up gets to be pretty hard work too! And, of course, the bending your knees low enough….
Congrats to your daughter!
Here’s my favorite no-recipe recipe for the greatest vegetarian sandwich:
– slowly sautee a bunch of sliced onions until caramelized, then add a package of unflavored seitan strips. Warm up the seitan, and then add as much barbecue sauce as you like to coat.
– serve on onion rolls with melted cheddar, lettuce, and tomato. ALTERNATELY serve on onion rolls with a quick brussels slaw– shred brussels sprouts and carrots (or not) and sautee with a bit of red wine vinegar, mustard, and olive oil– and melted cheddar.
All the recipes so far have sounded good, but I would pay you actual money to come here and put that in front of me right now. I literally got dinged for trying to multiple-upvote it. *drools like Homer Simpson*
Online dating thread! (I didn’t see one above.)
I have a coffee date scheduled for tomorrow that I’m kinda meh about, but also it’s just coffee, so.
Last night was my third date with the dude I’ve been seeing. He came up after the date, and then rather than spend the night after fooling around, he fled back to his own home without an explanation but while making out with me? It was real confusing. (He has also been slower than normal texting back today, so that may have died a slow death, womp.)
Anyone else feel like they’ve gotten better results since fall happened?
Dude, I have had SO many more dates since September, basically. Is everyone just out to find a Winter Partner before it’s too late?
I was supposed to go on a couple dates this week (a first and a third), but then I got a cold so that all fell apart. I also hadn’t heard from the not-so-serious guy (I need to make up nicknames) in a while, so I texted him and it turns out he’s in Tennessee because his dad is dying 🙁 And the weird part is that another guy I’ve been seeing (Third Date Guy above) also had his father die about a month or so ago. I just feel so terrible for them, but I don’t know what to do since I’m just getting to know them :-/
Oh no, what rotten luck. 🙁
I think there is something about folks returning back indoors for the fall. More time for smooching, less for like getting drunk on patios.
I went out with a man. He didn’t suck.
I was in the midst of organising a date with someone I’ve been talking to on OKC for a while, and looking forward to seeing, when I was struck down by glandular fever at the weekend. Apparently recovery varies quite a lot, but it probably means being more tired than usual for at least a few weeks, and also no kissing until I’m fully better. I mean, it’d only be for coffee, and I have no idea whether kissing is something that we’d end up both wanting to do, but it’d be nice to have the possibility instead of “The touch of my lips may leave you bedridden for an indefinite period of time.” *sigh* So it looks like plans with him’ll be shelved until I’m fully better, frustratingly. And I should probably message him about that tonight. Hey ho.
Hope others have been faring better.
I think “the touch of my lips may leave you bedridden for an indefinite period of time” is the perfect attitude to take into dating, glandular fever or not!
I’m trying to arrange a date with a girl who appears to only respond to disinterest? It has been difficult keeping the proper lack of enthusiasm in my messages but I am quite committed to the Bad Idea that is going through with this date.
Also I just learned that women don’t message other woman on Tinder and being brave is terribly hard.
Sometimes you just have to lean into the Bad Ideas! Go on that date, and have some kind of treat waiting for you afterwords!
Yes to women not messaging other women on Tinder! WHAT THE HECK, WOMEN
Right? So many say in their profile, “I don’t message first” and I’m like, How dare you absolve yourself of responsibility?
Although, I am also not messaging first, so definitely can’t throw the first stone there….
Oh I feel you on this. I almost always message first, and it can be intimidating, but otherwise we’d all just sit there in Tinder-purgatory.
I had a second non-date with a girl I met on OKC. She was pretty explicit in that she wasn’t currently interested in anything more than being friends, but we had a lot in common so I went out with her once, because who doesn’t want more friends? Turns out it was the best first date I’ve ever had and she’s amazing. I thought maybe I’d be able to do the just friends thing, so I hung out with her again, and guess what: nope. I am utterly, utterly smitten and damn. And now I’m in danger of becoming That Friendzone Guy despite not being A Guy and… yeah, I have no idea what to do.
What do you know about her sexual preferences? Does she date women exclusively?
We’re both bi. When I messaged her (SOMETIMES WOMEN DO MESSAGE) she said right up front she wasn’t looking for sexytimes with ladies right now. Which could mean in general or could mean I just don’t float her particular boat; either way I appreciated how she handled it.
I just don’t know whether I should avoid her altogether or do the slow fade or just blurt something embarrassing or what. This is why I’ve never dated. I just jump right into relationships, skip this messy part.
oh man, that is tough times.
I am not sure if I would be brave enough to do it, but I suspect the right thing to do is be up front with her.
my ideal script would be something like:
“hey, I know you’re not up for dating girls right now, so I feel like I need to be up front with you. After having met you in person, I think I like you in a not-just-platonic way. You’re also just really cool and I want to be friends, but I’m still figuring out how to reconcile the wanting-to-be-friends with the having-a-crush.
Last time we hung out felt like a really awesome first date, and if we’re not dating, I need to not do things that feel like dates with you. Given that I do want to be friends, though, if you’re up for it, a couple friends and I are [going to a movie/having a game night/getting drinks/doing low key group activity X that I think you might like] on [y day/time]. Any interest in coming with?”
for what it’s worth, I think the fact that you’re worrying about being That Friendzone Guy means you won’t become one. What’s awful about Friendzone Guy is that he really has no interest in the girl as a full, independent human who is worthy of friendship and empathy. She is a machine who owes him dates because he paid the “fee” of acting like a friend.
you, on the other hand, genuinely like this person as a human being, but also want to kiss her. it happens. people get crushes on their friends sometimes. she’s not actually even your friend yet, but as long as you are up front with her, you give yourself enough space to get over your crush, and you give her the space to back away with no hard feelings, you are doing fine. just, you know, try going out on dates with other people too, maybe, and try to be honest with yourself about if hanging out with her is doing you more harm than good.
I wrote in to last OT about a situation with a new Tinder guy that I had been on like 4 dates with (and how to deal with it given past trauma/divorce). I got good advice about stating what I want, and I did it! (In this case, sexual exclusivity.) I know he’s been on Tinder (like every day) since we started hanging out but I’m trying not to let it bother me because (a) we havent had a talk about being exclusively dating, and I’m not sure thats what I want, and (b) he’s, like me, new to the area and probably looking to meet people. It may become an issue in the future though…though dont know if I can mention his tinder activity without seeming a lil stalker-y.
I am in a funk because I seem to be completely undateable right now. The only messages I get on OKC are the super generic “hey babe” sort (with variations in misspelling). I’m absolutely fed up with looking at profiles of guys in my age range (I’m 42) whose say they are looking for 25-up to their age. Gross, guys.
Anyone have any advice on how to successfully weather the dry spells without a) becoming an even more hard-hearted cynical bitch than I am already, b) doing something desperate like going out with one of the people who are clearly wrong, or c) actually drowning myself in ice cream?
Take a break. Online dating fatigue is real. Just deactivate everything for a month or something and let the irritation burn off. I say this from experience – I’ve tried to fight through the dry spells and I had a few weeks in a very bitter headspace. YMMV, of course, but there’s no harm in a self-declared fallow season.
I came across the most gloriously awful profile the other day, which I immediately sent to a number of people I know.
The phrase “crypto anarchist” was employed earnestly.
“If you’re a feminist and you don’t object to Islam you’re not a real feminist.”
“If you have tattoos and you’re not living a wild lifestyle you’re a poseur.”
Dude is in his 40s. This baby nihilist routine is not cute.
Toasties, I have just started a job selling fancy kitchenware. What is your absolute favourite most valued thing in your kitchen, and why do you love it?
My tea kettle. It brings comfort. It makes a moan before it starts whistling. I love that moan.
Oh god. That’s a nearly impossible question. It’s a fucking LIST. My favorite chef’s knife is high up on there. My enameled cast iron dutch oven, even though I don’t use it very often (kosher kitchen, it’s a meat-only pot, and I can’t afford much meat). My Cuisinart food processor!
What a great question! Hmmmm. For sentimental reasons, my dad’s garlic press. My dad died when I was in college, so his things are particularly precious to me of course. He liked the Frugal Gourmet back in the day when cooking shows were new and scarce, and apparently the Frugal Gourmet recommended this particular garlic press. So my dad, in those pre-internet days, scoured the city for the Frugal Gourmet’s suggestion until he found one. Still works to this day, so he wasn’t wrong!
I would say my garlic press too, but for different reasons– I have this thing: http://www.amazon.com/Chefn-GarlicZoom-Chopper-Ar…
You put the garlic inside and roll it around on the little wheels. So every time I chop garlic I’m like “vroom vroom! Garlic car coming thru!”
I cannot even tell you how much that exceeded my expectations when I clicked on that link!!!
So would you call that . .. . your car-lic chopper?
* I’ll see myself out *
Another handy tool: My father-in-law gave me a garlic peeler, and it’s pretty neat.
Chef’s knife, oh my lordddd.
Seconded!
My Kitchenaid. Not only can I make delicious things with it, but it’s solid, attractive, and makes me feel like a real cook. I bought it as a birthday present for myself last year and have not regretted it a single day.
These, because they keep themselves off the counter: http://www.josephjoseph.com/en-us/product/elevate…
and this, because you can use it for a million different things! http://www.josephjoseph.com/en-us/product/scoop-p…
My cast-iron skillet. It is perfect in every way. And the knives that I’ve inherited from my dad, along with the sharpening block he gave us recently.
I’m assuming you’re not asking for my practical faves (my Lodge cast iron skillet, my Revere copper bottomed saucepan, and my chef’s knife) but more the things that I love to get to use:
I love my pastry blender, because I think it’s such a useful and underrated tool. It is the easiest and best way to make piecrust. And this is technically in my mom’s kitchen, but it’s a little ceramic pig with a cork in its back and a cork in its snout, and it holds cinnamon sugar for toast. We got it at a ceramics shop in Colorado, where they told us they’d broken the mold on accident and would never make more of them. It’s about 3 inches in diameter and a nice dusty cornflower blue.
My stick blender is great because it allows me to make things I would otherwise think “ugh I have to wait for the soup to cool down???” or ” ugh so much cleanup!!!” about. It is the second stick blender I have owned and investing in the high-end one (the first, cheap, one overheated & melted!) was an excellent choice.
Parchment paper also changed my kitchen life, for sure. And a microplane.
Yass immersion blenders are godly. You can make saag for your saag paneer so easily, you can make creamy soups without the cream, you can make pesto out of literally any green thing as I discovered this summer…
YAS. I’m on my second immersion blender too (a ghost stole the bottom half of my still perfectly functional first one? it was in the dish drain and then it wasn’t) and it’s such a nice one with two speeds and everything and I love it.
I have a bunch of mugs (two Le Crueset, one from Betty’s in Yorkshire, a Tintin one, an Evelyn Waugh Penguin Classic, etc) that are the only things that have come with me as I’ve moved house over the years. 6 houses, 3 countries. Occasionally one gets broken and I get a new one, but they’re still what I value the most.
For practical items, I have a crepe pan that I get a lot of use out of as a way to quick-sear food (as it’s cast-iron, but not as heavy as most skillets).
In impractical items, there’s a few darling egg cups and shakers lying about. I can almost always be convinced to purchase a charming shaker set.
TONGS
TONGS TONGS TONGS TONGS
Long tongs, short tongs, fancy silicone-tipped tongs, shitty tongs, all kinds of tongs, tongs must be on hand at all times
I have these ones where if you hold them closed, grabby side up, a little thing drops into places that locks them closed? It’s so cool.
I recently bought this super nice tiny silicone spatula and it’s just a pleasure to use instead of my old ones that don’t do the job as well. My heavy half sheet pan is pretty wonderful too.
Oh, I love this thread, not least because it reminded me to put parchment paper on my grocery list.
So I’ve always been a kind of slapdash cook that makes do with a minimum of equipment, but I’ve collected some crucial devices over the years (many were castoffs from more ambitious cooks) and here are the things besides good knives I use most often.
A heavy enamelled pot–not a Le Creuset, but in that style. I cook literally everything in it. Stews. Greens. Popcorn. Bread. Braises. It can go from the stove to the oven and if it was the only pot I had, I could get by okay.
Immersion blender. Immersion blender is a game-changer.
Julienne peeler. Seems a bit fussy, but honestly, I love zucchini noodles so much and I think this is easier/cheaper than spiralizing. Also julienned carrots are great on salads. Julienne daikon pickles for sandwiches. Julienne everything.
Silicone errrthing. Silicone muffin cups for easy removal. Silicone ice tray for the same reason. Silicone spatulas and scoops. Silicone lid that fits nearly every pot and has a little steam hatch so bubbling-over soups don’t bubble over.
Scraper. Just a little wedge of plastic for scraping bits off of pans, but it works so much better than mere sponges.
If we’re talking things in my kitchen then my favorite things are the little pieces on stained glass hanging on my kitchen soffits. They hung on my grandma’s kitchen soffits and I designed my slightly retro kitchen around them. My favorite actual cooking things are a nice set of pyrex. They can go in the oven, microwave, and dishwasher. Plus they have lids so the smaller ones take leftovers to work for lunch and the bigger ones take food for potlucks.
I have a few that I really like and use all the time: the cuisinart, small offset spatulas (how did I make pb&j with a butter knife for so many years?) the immersion blender, my chefs knife. But the one that feels really special when I get to use it is my pasta machine. I mostly use it for lasagna and ravioli, but also for tortillas and fondant cake decorations.
My wooden spoon. I know that’s not helpful in terms of fancy kitchenware, but it’s the handiest and most resilient kitchen tool I have.
My wooden spoon has a squared off edge so you can scrape with it too and it is honestly my favorite kitchen tool in that it the thing I use most often.
This is a great thread!
-chef’s knife
-Chinese implement which is like a tiny basket on a stick (“Asian Kitchen Food Strainer” according to Amazon)
-spatula that’s halfway between a fish spatula and a regular one. the angles on it are so much more ergonomic than the standard (similar to “All-Clad flexible slotted turner” on Amazon)
-really big skillet (I’m going to go against the flow and say I prefer this in stainless steel, because it would be impossible to lift if it were cast iron)
That basket on a stick is called a spider, and is the only kind of spider allowed in my house
My hand-mixer, no matter how many people tell me that a kitchen-aid is superior. It is not. There is always flour on the bottom. And the only time I want flour on the bottom, is, well, never-you-mind.
I share a galley kitchen with two roommates and we have way too much stuff for the three of us, which results in semi-regular fits on my part. But out of all this stuff, my favorite are probably the pots with the strainer lids because I don’t have to dirty the colander.
Probably
1. Knives. Every time I use someone else’s knives I have no idea how they ever cook anything. And mine aren’t even that fancy
2. Cast iron pan & Staub pot, durable no weird non-stick finishes, although I hate cleaning the staub because it is heavy and awkward
3. Tea pot w/ french press w/ burr grinder. Because, coffee.
Least favorite: my partner bought a carbon steel pan are we cannot get the thing seasoned properly and it is disgusting, but my partner keeps using it
Toaster oven, because not only does it make nice toast, but it lets us bake small things without having to heat up the whole oven.
Thank you all so much! It is so good to know that a lot of the things my company loves me to sell (Kitchenaids, Cuisinarts, bonkers wonderful knives, and Le Creuset) are things people actually love to have and not just expensive stuff for the sake of it.
Your responses are A++, thank you
I thought this said “fancy kittenware” and was jealous you got to spend your working hours selling things to fancy kittens and/or their owners.
Since this is about kitchenware, though, I have to give a shoutout to the carbon steel wok my parents got my fiancee and I for Christmas last year. All our fried rice/stirfry/noodle dishes come out ten times more delicious now!
Good knives and pans, which you already know.
My induction hob, which is the most fabulous thing for cooking ever, even if it does get a bit whiney from time to time.
The thing I didn’t expect to be unable to live without: my bread machine. I’ve had it a bit over a year and there is no way I could ever go back to supermarket bread. Sometimes people need encouragement to keep going at the start, when you’re working out what proportions what work from you and have a few loaves that don’t turn out well. Though I have no idea why they don’t just make ALL THE BREAD, like we did. I got into sourdough a few weeks after starting and haven’t looked back. If anyone wants to talk bread-making, I’ll be willing to discuss it for weeks on end!
I’m a poor grad student living in student housing, but I HAVE AN IMMERSION BLENDER. I have managed to use it for its intended purpose (making creamy curried carrot soup), more unusual purposes (making about six ounces of garlic paste, because my taste for garlic is most immoderate), and right improper purposes (baking a Victoria sponge cake–it was that or cream the butter with a wooden SPATULA, not even a spoon).
Every time I use my immersion blender I feel happy and slightly luxurious.
Did You Know: you can make the VERY BEST mayonnaise, Béarnaise and Hollandaise sauce with an immersion blender? Because you can “whisk” at a perfectly even speed, it won’t split or curdle. I am so jealous of everyone who has one.
I *did* know that in fact! I have a jar of cooked-method mayonnaise in the refrigerator right now. It makes a wonderful egg and nasturtium sandwich.
IMMERSION BLENDERS!!!
Favorite veg entrees!
– Mac n cheese
– Pizza (the Smitten Kitchen crust recipe is so easy & good). Like I said yesterday, my best pizza combo is: fig jam, onions (caramlized if you have time), rosemary, granny smith apple slices, blue cheese, and mozzarella. Nommmm.
– This salad! Sub seitan / mock duck for the tofu, it’s the flavor combo that counts.
– Any other big salad that involves homemade garlic-bomb croutons
– Roast the fuck out of a cauliflower and some potatoes. Either with some garlic, cumin & cayenne on them or just with oil/salt and then throw them into one of those curry sauces you buy in a jar.
– These enchiladas.
– couple cans of white beans, olive oil, head of roasted garlic, rosemary –> blender. With broth for soup, or without it for spread.
Hmmmmm it’s lunchtime…
Toasties! I have now managed to stay out of the ER for six days and counting (knock on wood) and am more-or-less back at work, by which I mean slowly chipping away at the most critical emails between lie-downs. Many thanks to all of you who recommended webcomics and other things to read, it was a huge help! Gunnerkrigg Court got me through my last ER visit and several unpleasant nights, and I’m looking forward to hitting up more of your recommendations this weekend.
I’m so glad you’re doing better!
I don’t know what happened on my work computer overnight, but suddenly EVERY SINGLE targeted ad popping up is for ottomans? What sort of ottoman-obsessed gnomes broke into my office?
Your computer is all “Darling! You’ve been working so hard! Come, put your feet up!” What a thoughtful computer.
That is too precious for words. I’m pretending that is true. No one can stop me.
I’m craving tuna casserole. But I hate the thought of using cream of mushroom soup. What do you recommend?
How about DIYing it with milk, sour cream, and some tasty mushrooms? Sauté them in some butter, maybe some shallot too, and add the dairy stuff until it looks like the right consistency.
A bechamel?
Oh yeah, that would be the right way to do it, wouldn’t it.
My mother always made it with chicken soup.
Seconding a bechemel — maybe mix in some broth made from dried porcinis to punch up that mushroomy flavor.
http://www.budgetbytes.com/2013/02/tuna-noodle-ca…
Leave out the spinach and olives if you don’t like them, obvs, but they sound good to me. I haven’t made this particular recipe, but I’ve never gone wrong with one from Budget Bytes.
This recipe is a “from scratch” one, no canned soup, and it’s GREAT. Kind of fiddly, but really really good.
We can’t do dairy at my house, so I use a packet of herb gravy mix from the vegan/gluten-free/natural section of my store, and it’s always delicious.
I just super love this recipe: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2014/09/easy-o…
It offers a wonderful return on effort.
draw draw draw!!!
it is Inktober and there are also spooky Halloween draw prompts on tumblr and there is also Goretober on tumblr, and I am determined to do at least one of those three things every day! I am really trying hard to Git Gud, and if nothing else the motivation to actually sit down and do a thing is really helping!
Tell me about your arts and/or crafts, toast friends. What are you doing! Post pictures!
I posted about it yesterday, but I got a subscription to Seamwork magazine and got these two patterns. I got them printed on a large format printer today so I’m looking forward to some sewing time this weekend!
I’ve been trying to get back into the habit of drawing regularly. I bought a cheap kids’ watercolor set and have been painting nightly with it, sometimes portraits and landscapes and things but also a lot of abstract stuff, just to get out of my head.
I’d love to do Inktober one year but this was definitely not the year.
I do not know how to draw well and have no real interest in improving, but I enjoy drawing with crayons, so I’m thinking of doing some of those Halloween drawing prompts! Me and my crayon set will be having some fun, and my Tumblr audience will just have to put up with my unskilled crayon ghosties.
no cat thread yet?
This seems like a good place to report that I went to DC’s cat cafe, Crumbs & Whiskers, on Tuesday. 20 cats from the Washington Humane Society + me. Hangin’ out for an hour.
It was MAGICAL. Highly recommended for cat-fancying DC Toasties.
*_________*
ummmmmmmmm, I am visiting DC for work next week and will have a couple of hours to kill IN GEORGETOWN, thank you for this gift
Not a problem! I hope you like tuxedo cats, because they have quite a few of them. 😀
If you’re looking for a semi-hidden Georgetown lunch spot, I can recommend Malmaison. Were I not veg, I would have been all over the pumpkin and chicken crepe, but their sandwiches are out of the ordinary way of sandwiches I think.
ooh thanks that place looks really good!
Biggest eyes ever!
Love that last picture.
Charlie has decided her new favourite place is on top of my unfinished sweater.
Good skills, knitting it in cat-colour!
Can you blame her? She coordinates so well with the yarn!
“I match the sweater. Therefore it is mine to lie on.”
My bitey, dickish (but still adorable), 10-year-old foster cat got adopted, and is moving away tomorrow. New cat soon!
Oh god that first pic is all draw me like one of your French Girls.
That and looks of dumb adoration are pretty much the only expressions Gomez has. I named him well.
Oh I never have any cat pictures on the computer I use when Open Thread comes up! So, cat storytelling?
I have two; they are littermates and like night and day. Both are affectionate but one is outgoing and bombastic and the other is very shy and skittish.
When I do yoga or Pilates in the morning, the outgoing cat flops around with me. She rubs against my legs when I’m in a standing pose, gets underneath my hands to steal pats when I’m doing The Hundred, and openly sprawls underneath me when I’m in a high plank so I can’t properly lower down. It’s great, though, it makes me laugh and the time goes by quicker.
Shy cat usually hides under the bookcase when this is going on, but lately she’s been curious. Sometimes she’ll saunter by and do a quick leg stretch before hiding. And today, when I was resting in savasana, I feel a little snuffling on my cheek and open my eyes to see this owl-eyed shy cat staring at me like O_O.
Cats! What do they think I’m doing, I wonder? Do they see themselves as helping, or what?
Mine sit on my shoulders when I’m planking.
They’re just helping you to get swole!
So helpful!
The stretches I do mostly involve lying on a yoga mat in the only bit of my partner’s bedroom where there’s space. My head is practically under the digital piano, so guess where Her Ladyship likes to sit and stare down at me. It’s rather unnerving, especially for the stretches where my neck feels particularly exposed.
Asa found a lovely sunbeam in my sewing room
Oliver decided that staying still long enough for a picture was silly and why wasn’t I petting him at bedtime?
I went to feed my friend’s two kittens and as I bent down to pet one of them, the tiniest one immediately jumped onto my shoulder.
it should be illegal to be so tiny
That looks like the same Martha Stewart bedspread that I have. Is it in fact a Martha Stewart bedspread?
KITTIES
I don’t think so. It’s a tj maxx bedspread that has no Martha affiliation as far as I know.
Kittens have been adorable this week, and since it’s finally proper fall temps AND I keep my windows open to revel in that fact, they’ve been much more cuddly at night. Janie even crawl under the covers and curled up in to the crook of my arm to sleep last night and I nearly cried from the cute. Pye tends to sleep at my feet or by my stomach, and she continued that trend.
Janie looking all cute and cuddly.
Pye inside a giant box (they had a field day with that box!).
Janie liked the burlap banners a wee bit too much. This is before she nearly knocked everything off the table, tarot deck included (I was taking a picture of the stuff I got to decorate my tarot booth at an event this past weekend).
BONUS PICTURE of the kittens checking out the new crochet hooks and neurophysiology coloring book I got in the mail today.
(I snagged the book bc of the coloring books post earlier this week!)
Tortitude!!!! Lovelovelove.
She’s def got the tude. <3
3 of my foster maine coon / tabby mix foster kittens, napping yesterday:
The middle one looks like my childhood cat. Let me steal him please.
the middle one is a sweet & hilarious little girl i call sage, and she is up for adoption in the Los Angeles area. Super lovey-dovey baby, but also curious and funny and kinda vocal. definitely maine coon behavior, but not as full-on fluffy as her brother, to the left. i love nap time!
The crazy eyes in the last one is perfect.
Leek and potato soupppppp! Alice Waters has an excellent recipe. I second all of the Smitten Kitchen recommendations as well.
Hurricane’s coming this way (NOVA/DC area) so I’m putting some soup on and my roommate and I and a few other friends are making hot toddies and drinking wine and watching Netflix allllll weekend. It’s going to be a no-boys-allowed slumber party! Being an adult ain’t so bad.
Anyone have any good book ideas for my bookclub? I have to come up with some ideas for the next year for our Monday meeting and I’m stumped. It’s a little more difficult because the bookclub is run through the library and uses interlibrary loans to get everyone the books so they have to be at least 2 years old and relatively popular so that there will be at least 10 copies available. Other than that, after a brutal string of books last year there was a request for no more books about genocide for a little while, but anything else is game.
Also, for vegetarian entrees, my favourite is a copycat of the vegetarian poutine the student-run lunch place at my undergrad university used to make: it’s a vegetarian sauce made from piles of finely chopped mushrooms, onions, and garlic, with a bit of veggie broth, red pepper flakes, and soy sauce simmered for a while, served over homestyle roasted potatoes, topped with whatever kind of melty cheese is available.
Alice Munro!
My book club read a Munro, as well as The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and Behind the Scenes at the Museum, with mostly success. Other author ideas that might fit your criteria: Ian McEwan, Jane Smiley, Anne Tyler, Margaret Atwood.
How about a non-fiction book about diversity in animal reproduction? If I were in a bookclub it would be an interesting read, and also something that would inevitably lead to hilarity in the discussion group. Here’s an example of the kind of thing I mean: http://www.torontopubliclibrary.ca/detail.jsp?Ent…
Top book club choices from the past few years have been Aravind Adiga’s The White Tiger, Nabokov’s Pnin, and Eowyn Ivey’s The Snow Child.
I think all of those are popular/famous enough to merit multiple copies in one system.
The best discussions we ever had in my book club were after we all read Bad Feminist, so I recommend that?
Also, as about half the people in mine at least don’t finish the book, reading a book of essays offered a lot of flexibility. (I know it’s not two years old but it’s popular enough that you might still be able to find enough copies)
How about BEAUTIFUL RUINS by Jess Walter? I loved it and it seems pretty book club-friendly. Also probably meets your stipulations about accessing it.
Hmm, stuff that was fairly big in the past:
– The Magicians (Lev Grossman)
– The Casual Vacancy (that JK Rowling one)
– Ready Player One (Ernest Kline. LOVED IT. Might be hard to get though especially since he has a new book out now)
– Battle Royale (Koushun Takami)
– A Visit from the Goon Squad (Jennifer Egan)
– A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving… he has a lot of haters but I loved his book)
– Oryx and Crake (Margaret Atwood)
– The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian (Sherman Alexie… its a “youth” book both worth reading)
Maybe try looking at a list such as https://www.goodreads.com/choiceawards/best-ficti… ?
I really liked Life After Life by Kate Atkinson. Sonja Sotomayor’s memoir, My Beloved World, is also quite good.
I’m seconding “Life after Life” by Kate Atkinson. I’d also recommend “Americanah” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adich. It’s not quite old enough since it came out last year but “Boy, Snow, Bird” by Helen Oyeyemi was great. “Fun Home” by Allison Bechdel if you want to try a “literarish” graphic novel. “Tiny Beautiful Things” by Cheryl Strayed – I’m not sure if that’s popular enough but I personally liked it more than “Wild” and all the essays are also online – and if you haven’t done them yet, maybe one of the Neapolitan novels by Elena Ferante.
My bookclub always had the best luck with picking a theme and everyone reading their own books within that theme. This month we’re all picking our favorite RL Stine books from childhood and then after our bookclub we’re going to go and see the new movie.
We’ve also done “pick a romance novel based purely upon the title” for February. It was the best.
Your bookclub sounds awesome.
Oooo, what are some of the romance novel titles people found?
I am reading “Lawrence in Arabia” by Scott Anderson right now. It focuses on a couple of key players in the Near East during World War I, not just T.E. Lawrence but a few Germans, Americans, even (eeks!) Near East Muslims and Jews. It reads like a novel and I can’t recommend it highly enough. I think there would be plenty of discussion fodder for your book club.
I’m not that far into it, and the war just started, so I don’t know whether it gets really graphic. I’m hoping not, but I’m pretty good at flipping pages when that stuff comes up anyway.
Blood, Bones, and Butter, by Gabrielle Hamilton, the chef at Prune, a restaurant in NYC. It’s very well written and interesting (about her semi-feral bohemian upbringing as well as her interests, which go beyond cooking, and her relationship with her in-laws in Italy), but by the end she is a not-totally-sympathetic narrator so there is lots and lots of food for discussion.
I have to dissent from the Adiga, White Tiger recommendation — personally I was not a fan, and would recommend going straight to Salman Rushdie and reading some of his novels instead since they are similar stylistically (exuberant) and I think Adiga is basically very influenced by Rushdie — so try Midnight’s Children or The Satanic Verses (actually a fantastic novel!).
Happy, happy pigs.
They play with a big blue egg?
Really they ignore the blue egg. But it is there regardless.
OK, but why a blue egg? I’m confused. I trust you to provide well for your pigs, so I’m assuming it’s some porcine development best practice that I’m ignorant of, as a city person.
I think it’s actually a massive dog toy for massive dogs and my mother picked it up on sale from a pet store thinking they might enjoy it? By like nudging it around or something? But no. They ignore the egg. It’s much more fun to sprint round and round and try to knock people over while they attempt to mend the fence.
So much rooting still to do! Lucky pigs.
I might be totally shouting into the void here, but are there any other Toasties out there going through the college application process? How are you feeling about it? I’m 50% scared, 50% in denial, and I think the College Board might actually be the Illuminati.
I am thankfully out of college at this point, but inflicting on myself applications to [redacted grad school] and have been having nasty flashbacks to senior year of high school.
What’s bothering you most? Maybe I can give you some perspective from the other side, or else just commiserate because oh my god applications fees are draining the blood from my veins also what is a personal essay do we even know.
Oh everyone knows The College Board is both Aliens AND the Illuminati. It Is Known.
And I commiserate. I’m in grad school right now, so I’ve done the application process twice so far, and I’m even going into Student Affairs, so college applications and how much they suck is actually a thing we discuss in class. It’s interesting. Hang in there! and if you have questions in general about stuff I might be able to fill you in on the politics behind them (completely unhelpful, I know, but it’s really all I’ve got)
As An Old Person, would it help if I told you that where you go to college isn’t really all that important in the long run? Odds are good you’ll be just fine no matter where you end up!
They are the Illuminati, though.
Seconding this! Mr. BHam and I were just last weekend talking about “advice we’d give our kid about college selection.”
For the most part, you can get a pretty good education/have a decent experience at any school but there are certainly going to be some that fit better than others. The cultural narrative that there’s ONE DREAM SCHOOL FOR YOU is bullshit of the highest order (see also: wedding dresses). If you understand that (1) it is a huge change and there will be an adjustment period, no matter how excited you are to be there and (2) you will have to put in *some* effort to shape your own college experience, you’ll do VERY WELL INDEED.
That being said, I would recommend picking a geographical location that is neither exactly the same nor the exact opposite of the place you grew up/went to high school. For example, some people raised in a podunk town are so eager to leave that they only apply to huge schools in giant cities. Similarly, if you’re from a metropolis and think you have to go to a tiny school in upstate New York so you can take long walks among the foliage, you’re going to have a big adjustment. Instead, it’s best to pick somewhere that gives you options. Like, I grew up in a small town and then ended up at a BIG university that was in a smallish town that was definitely a college town. The school was big enough to have a LOT going on, but I wasn’t lost in an unfamiliar city.
Similarly, even if you think you know exactly what you want to major in, don’t ignore other factors (school size, location, the institution’s culture) just because it has the top Basket-Weaving Program in all the Land.
I guess my advice boils down to: don’t pigeon-hole yourself too early. This is a time to explore! And yes, the College Board are grasping wretches who spit on the downtrodden souls of high school seniors.
I agree with B_Ham. Institutional culture is key. Pay attention to it when you do your campus visit (if you are fortunate enough to have a campus visit). I lucked into my dream school being a great fit, but it could easily have gone another way. And even being my dream school, it was a love-hate relationship. 😉
NO MATTER WHAT, you will be fine. It doesn’t feel like it now, but you absolutely will.
I’m thinking you are having about the right response. 🙂
I would like to second the other Olds present. The education you get from college is largely dependent on what you put into it, ultimately. More than anything, the practical approach is finding a place with a mentor you connect with and a program that will mean meeting good people who can open doors and help you actualize things you think you might want to do. Also, finding that mentor means you have a cheerleader who will grease the skids and help you into the school as well as the program, so definitely try to make that happen. An application is just one piece of the puzzle. I wish I had known that when I did undergrad.
As with any application, I like to keep in sight the reality that I am throwing my hat in the ring to participate in something that I think might be good for me. However, they need to come through and impress you, too. It’s a lot of money, it’s a big time investment, and in the end it says a lot about them as well as you in terms of your success. So don’t let the process make you feel minimized – you are valuable. They need good students. Just keep steady reminders around that you have value, and are not merely a number, and are standing up to put in the work to be educated and encouraged.
The Void Shouts Back: Hey! I’m commenting as I try to write three supplemental essays the night before I retake the SAT. Purgatory is real and we live in it. I simultaneously feel like I’m unproductive and haven’t the time to do anything. I am excited to leave but I’m really scared my essays aren’t authentic enough whatever authenticity means circa 2015.
GREETINGS, VOID!!
First off, congratulations for being super on top of things. Good luck on the supplemental essays–the fact that you’re doing the work to write them most likely means that you really want to go to those schools, and that certainly seems “authentic” enough!
Also, I’m retaking the SAT in November and am convinced that repetitive bubble sheets are their own kind of purgatory…
Thank you to everybody for the kind responses!
How do you learn to be patient? Are there exercises to do? I would like to be a much better person than I currently am and this seems like the best place to start.
Listening to podcasts and books on tape helped me, I think
Very specific to me, so ymmv:
I got treatment for lifelong anxiety. Then I learned to accept and coexist with people whose choices differed from mine. “There is more than one correct answer” became my mantra.
Useful for anyone: identify people who *are* patient. Study them. Imitate them.
i think what i’ve had to do is tell myself that the urgencies and voices saying to do something else or interrupt and get out of the situation need to wait, and that i need to attend to the task at hand. i’ve also questioned my irritability, like, have i heard this person out, do i know the full situation? sometimes a tricky interaction is diffused by just listening to someone who needs to be heard. and sometimes, it just gives you the space to empathize a minute while confirming how you feel, even if they are still wrong and/or irritating, and formulate a diplomatic way to say what you need to say.
In the same boat. I have the hardest time when my expectations are demolished–like when I was told that refilling a prescription would be a 15 minute process, and then had to wait for an hour-and-a-half in addition to seeing a physician again.
*RAGE*
I’m…really not a patient person. Especially with shit like that. And traffic.
For exercises: you could try watching your breathing when you get impatient. Try to lengthen your inhale, hold for 2 counts, then lengthen your exhale. Nothing extreme, just go from a count of 5 beats in, 2 held, 5 out, to 6 or 6 beats inhale, 2 beats hold, and 8 beats of exhaling. Then repeat that for a while. It should automatically slow you down and you can do it silently in any situation.
Pizzocherri! It’s buckwheat noodles with kale and cubes of fontina. Somehow it is more than the sum of its parts. Traditionally–and as I ate it, it involves small potatoes and a lot more butter than is included in the linked recipe, which may had something to do with why I liked it so much. Also, it goes well with this wine, which is made in the same place the dish is from.
If we’re talking vegetarian entrees, I really really really love the recipe collections on http://www.lentils.ca/
It’s run by the Canadian Big Lentil industry, but is full of amazing lentil recipes. Lentil stuff peppers! Lentil soups! Lentil loaf! Lentil pudding! Lentil brownies! Chef Michael Smith starring as The Lentil Hunter! Anyway… it made it super easy for veggie dishes. I’m making a vegetarian shepherd’s pie tonight (lentils, carrots, onions with mashed potatoes on top)
(Also, I found this site through an ad on The Toast so a) targeted advertising really works and b) yet another reason to turn off adblocker)
Big Lentil just made me snortlaugh. Finally, a corporate overlord I can get behind.
One of my committee members when I got my masters (in weed science, no not that kind of weed) was from Saskatchewan and he was so so serious about pulses. It’s a big deal up there.
Big Lentil! Amazing.
I am at my parents’ house for the weekend, catsitting while they’re away. It’s all a bit weird, though, because there is only one cat where there should be two – one of them died last Saturday. It was very expected, as she’d been having blood-clot-related seizures/mini-strokes since December, and had gone rapidly downhill over the past month or two, but I am so used to her being here – she was 17, and we’d had her for 14 years. I have been avoiding being sad by just not thinking about it, but it’s so strange to be at home and not have her here.
Oh, sadness.
You don’t have to avoid sadness. Unless you need to. It’s OK to feel sad. If you feel up to it, allow sadness to come over you and dedicate the time to honor Departed Kitty.
Thank you. Part of me is just nervous about letting myself be sad, because it’s a thing that’s just not going to get better – I loved her very much, and now she is gone forever, and nothing I can do will change that. If I start being sad about it, I wonder if I will be able to stop. (My only experience of dealing with grief is when previous cats have died, many years ago; I do not have good coping mechanisms. My reaction to death is just to be super stoic, because what else can you do in the face of something awful? I realise that this is probably massively emotionally unhealthy.)
I saw your post about your dog, and I’m so sorry. You sound like a very loving owner, and I know you’ll do what is best for him; I really hope he stays out of pain for as long as possible and you get lots of happy times with him to remember.
It is frightening to face grief. I made it through my brother’s funeral without crying. I was certain I would never stop, that I would just cry until I literally died from it. I also felt like holding on to that release of pain would somehow undo his loss, or keep him anchored with me. It’s an immense thing to face, but you have my word that the worst throes of grief are not permanent. You’ll be okay.
It might help you to deliberately say good-bye, when you feel ready. Whether you believe your kittyfriend can hear you or not, connecting and saying goodbye is a good way both to honor them and process for yourself. Get some flowers, and sit near their favorite spot, and say whatever you have to say, cry if you need to, and trust that you won;t stay in that emotional space forever.
I am sorry you are hurting. Your post made me cry, actually, so you should know that you’re not alone in this. It’s hard to face loss. Grief is tremendously challenging, and there is no easy answer to coping. You just do the best you can. Given all the kind people and animal-lovers here, you can rest assured you are not alone in your sadness or sense of loss, and we’re here for you.
Thank you. I really appreciate this comment.
No, you cannot change the absence of Departed Kitty. What you can change is how you honor her memory.
For now, you are avoiding the feelings her memory brings. That’s OK. For now. One day, when you are ready, you will honor her memory by trusting yourself to feel. Then her memory will become more welcome to you. After a long while, her memory will bring lighter feelings, along with the sadness. After you grieve, you will have made room for memories of the happy times with her to float to the surface more often.
Thank you for your kindness regarding my LittleBoyDog. He is still giving me cuddles every day, and I am treasuring them while smiling through tears.
Still overweight, underpaid, and under-loved. Loving the weather, though!
Toasties, I need advice or commiseration or something about what may be an impending best friend breakup type situation. I’ll post the full story in the replies.
I am close friends with this girl (I’ll call her A) who I met about a year and a half ago. She and I have become very very close in that time – taking multiple trips together, confiding in each other about all kinds of heavy shit (anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc.). I’ve supported her through a lot of stuff and she has supported me through some things also. We see each other all the time and do things together at least once a week. It’s to the point where I’ve neglected some of my other friendships to spend more time with her. She is pretty much the main person I have, and the thought of having to start again making friends without her is scary. She’s been a big part of the reason why I’ve been coming out of my own shell, doing better dealing with my depression, getting out there and meeting new people, etc. She’s outgoing and interesting, but also deeply insecure and anxious.
The problem is complicated – starting early this year she began exhibiting more controlling/angry behaviors towards me. It’s a realization that has been a long time coming – it’s been a lot of little things that have bothered me at the time, but which I’ve always just let slide and not talked to her about it because a) I’m very conflict-averse and reluctant to face her anger and b) the individual incidents were never quite a big enough deal on their own – I could always excuse it to myself in terms of, “oh, she’s just having a bad day” or “It’s not worth getting into a fight over”. I convinced myself that I was in the wrong (which to be fair I sometimes was). One of the first examples of this was in January when we were on a trip together – I got sick and had to spend a day in bed while she went off and did fun stuff. Later the next day I was feeling better and decided I could go with her to an event like we’d planned. She got angry that I seemed to be pushing myself too hard and barely spoke to me while we were there (with a third person who we’d just met in that city). Eventually she calmed down and apologized and explained it all came from a place of concern for me, which I appreciated, but it still really struck me. There have been incidents since then when she’ll get angry (at me or about something else) where she’ll just ice me out, even if we’re spending the day together. It really has thrown me every time that happens – I get very anxious and try to talk to her (which she won’t really respond to) and feel as though there’s something I’ve done wrong that I need to make up for.
A couple of months ago another major issue popped up – I was living a few minutes’ walk away from her in a suburban area, and had to move. I was choosing to either find another place in the same area or move into the city. A really really wanted me to stay in the same area so we’d be close and able to walk to each others’ places whenever like always. She even went to the trouble of setting up apartment appointments for me (without asking me first, but it was helpful). I was considering it, but I was also wanting to move into the city (which I wasn’t as upfront with her about, honestly, because I knew how she’d react – I didn’t deliberately hide it, but I wasn’t vocal about it either). Again, I was seriously considering staying in that area. But then I found a great place in the city, and decided upon my visit to move there. I texted her telling her that I thought I had found my place, excited about it – and her response indicated to me that she understood I’d made the decision. However a few weeks later we were together and talking to another friend of ours, and I mentioned I was moving into the city – and A acted shocked. She said I had not told her I’d made that decision, that that had not been clear to her. Then the same treatment – iced out, wouldn’t respond when I tried to talk to her. I apologized for not making it more clear to her, but she was still angry. We didn’t really talk through it then.
And this week, what I think was the final straw – two of her friends recently moved into town, I’ll call them B and R. I’ve been spending more time with them, both with A and without. I like them both a lot, especially B, who I’ve seen more often. I’ve talked to A about spending time with them, and she would get quiet any time it came up. Finally a couple of weeks ago A basically said to me that she wanted to keep her relationship with me separate from her relationship with them. She did not go so far as to tell me not to spend time with them, but it was implied. I was really taken aback by this, but she made it sound really rational at the time, so I told her I understood. I did not say I would change my behavior or stop seeing B or R, though. Once I talked to other people about it, though, the unreasonableness of her implying she could control who I would make friends with became more apparent to me. Then a few days ago I saw B, who told me that A had talked to her and R, and said that she’d told me not to hang out with them. B told me this because even though she knows A better than she knows me, to her this was a huge red flag, which I agree with. I do not plan to stop seeing B and R, and I’d like to continue pursuing friendships with them. I’ve not mentioned the last few times I’ve seen them to A, though, because I did not want to bring it up again with her.
My main fault throughout all of this is that I have never really tried to have a serious conversation with A about any of this, to address these issues or get her to back off. And now with this whole “you can’t hang out with my friends” situation, I feel like the friendship may have reached its breaking point, but I’m still spending time with A acting like everything is okay, which is not fair to her or to me. There is so much I value about my friendship with her, but I’m having a “come to Jesus” moment where I realize that this pattern of behavior is indicative of some very deep-seated issues on her part that I cannot ultimately do much about. Part of me feels like trying to talk to her about it is not going to do any good because she’ll just get defensive and feel like I’m attacking her, and I also wonder if we’re just past that point. The other part of me feels it is not right to just distance myself without talking to her, giving her a chance to address this stuff, and I don’t want to avoid having this conversation just because I’m afraid to face her anger. And I also feel like I owe her more because of everything we’ve been through and because I know I’m a major emotional support for her, and me withdrawing would really hurt her, I think. But I’m really questioning whether I even want to have someone like this in my life, because it is not good for my own mental health/general wellbeing. Anyway, it’s a mess, and I regret that I have let things get this far. Any thoughts/reactions/advice would be greatly appreciated.
Get out. Get out, get out, get out. I had to extract myself from a friendship like that last year, and only now do I realize just how much of a mess it had turned my life into. You are not responsible for her health or well-being, as cruel as that sounds, and she should not make you feel like it’s your job to be there for her all the time. This behavior is manipulative, controlling, and in some instances bordering on abusive – trying to cut you off from her other friends is DANGEROUS behavior.
You don’t owe her an apology or an explanation, but you can give her that if you think it would help. Be aware that she may use that conversation as a way to try and pull you back into her control – if she tries to turn the conversation around and make it sound like it’s your fault, exit the situation. If you feel like it might escalate if you don’t respond to her, keep a look out – I had an awful friend break-up last November, and she was still leaving guilt-tripping letters and months-late “birthday gifts” at my doorstep in April. If I hadn’t moved in July, I don’t know where that would have led.
Either way, this is neither a healthy nor safe relationship, and I cannot stress enough that you need to get *out* of this situation and retake control of your life. You do not exist solely for her convenience.
Thanks for this – the more I think about it the more I keep reaching the same conclusion. It helps to hear from others who’ve been in similar situations, so thanks for taking the time to share your experience with me. I’ll definitely keep what you’ve said in mind if/when I have that conversation with her.
I was in a situation similar, only I’d known the friend since high school and we were part of a bigger group, and the behavior sort of grew worse over time, finally escalating into things similar to what you describe here, among other things. We’d had rifts in the past, and I’d tried talking them out with her, which always resulted in a very one-sided, high-tension argument. We had a deal-breaking moment, which wasn’t necessarily any worse than any other bad times with her, but I was finally over it. I called our other best friend and said I’m done, I’m not sure how we’ll work through weddings and baby showers, but this is over for me. Then someone handed me a book about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and I’m not saying i diagnosed her, but so much of her behavior was in there, it was enough for me to connect with the idea that there really was no fixing it.
Having had all the negative confrontations in the past, I decided there was no official break-up to be had. She started dating someone and was conveniently distracted, and I stopped communicating. And amazingly, she didn’t seem to care or notice. I saw her on 2 occasions in the year that followed, both where she made some lashy-outy comments at me, neither of which I reacted to, and that was it. A year later, she pushed our other closest friend to her limit and they had a falling out as well, and this ex-friend’s side of the story has been that I stopped talking to her in solidarity with this other friend, which is so fitting, it makes my point for me. At that point, our group was finally all off doing our own things, so no weddings or baby showers were ever an issue.
I’m not saying you should do what I did, but for me there was honestly no point in an official talk. And I don’t think there’s any shame in that. You do what gets you out of a situation with an abusive, railroading person in a clean and relatively low-stress way and move on to better friendships.
A lot of this sounds very similar to a situation I was in. I was friends with a girl for a year, then became roommates for two years, and things deteriorated between us during the second year of being roommates. There was never any moment where things blew up – no fights, no yelling – but she was emotionally controlling and manipulative, and isolated me from our mutual friends. In the end she started to withdraw from me, wouldn’t speak to me, and communicated solely via written notes and passive-aggressive texts. I finally gave her a month’s notice and just moved out. I felt terrible for doing it, and to this day I feel guilty about it and like I should have been a better friend to her. She dealt with anxiety and depression, and I know that for a while anyway she found my friendship to be a support. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that much of my guilt, anxiety, and hypervigilance in the friendship was not due to me being a bad friend. It was due to her messing with my head and keeping me in a state where I was constantly on-call for her, emotionally. That is not a real friendship. That is being used by someone.
I cared for her so much, and I liked so many things about her, and that made it difficult for me to see and call out her behavior for what it was.
My experience is, of course, different from yours, but maybe it will help to hear a similar story. And based on what you wrote, it sounds like you are right to feel like you need to evaluate your friendship with this person. You have a lot of options, in terms of whether you address things with her directly or not, and so forth, and hopefully others here can offer some further advice on that front. What you relate does not sound like a healthy friendship to me, especially with her trying to limit your interactions with other people. It’s so hard when you are in it, though, and when you care for the person. I wish you all the best and i hope that you have/find the support that you need, online and in person, to move forward and hopefully create some amazing, supportive, mutually beneficial friendships in the future.
Thank you so much for this lovely, thoughtful response. This part in particular really struck a chord with me: “It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that much of my guilt, anxiety, and hypervigilance in the friendship was not due to me being a bad friend. It was due to her messing with my head and keeping me in a state where I was constantly on-call for her, emotionally.” This is exactly how I’ve been feeling about this whole thing – I am constantly on-call for her, emotionally, and I’ve got the anxiety and hypervigilance about not being a bad friend a lot of the time, as if I’m the only one in the relationship who should be worried about that. I know the friendship is not healthy. I think it’s just a matter at this point of deciding how to end things. Thanks for your kind wishes as well!
This is hard. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I think it boils down to realizing, now or later, when you have outgrown your relationship. When you decide that you have, then the only question is how to responsibly end it, with your own health and safety paramount. You are valuable just as you are. Please take care of your self.
Thank you – I really appreciate this. I think I am at the point where “the only question is how to responsibly end it”. It helps to hear that I am valuable as I am 🙂 Also, I’m very sorry to hear about your dog – I saw your other comment thread, and I wish you the best and hope you have all the support you need as you go through this. You take care of your self as well.
Thank you for mentioning my little guy. You are kind.
And don’t ever doubt your own value. I would swiftly correct anyone who devalued you. And if it’s anyone but you doing it, I’d hurt them in the bargain. I value you. I know you do, too. It’s just so easy to forget sometimes, right?
I have never broken up with a friend, but I know Captain Awkward always has the best advice. You can troll through her archives, but here is the first post about the African Violet of Broken Friendship. http://captainawkward.com/2011/01/18/reader-quest…
I read through all of her posts over the summer and felt so wise and cool and enlightened for a hot second, but it was fleeting. Jedi hugs to you 🙂
Ooof. That’s hard, but yeah, I agree with everyone else that this relationship has some serious red flags and you’re best getting out out out as soon as possible.
I had to instigate a friend breakup a few years ago. It was…rough. She was in an abusive relationship but was also exhibiting abusive behaviors toward me, and even though we’d been friends (like, close friends–we managed a stage show together and I colored her hair for godssake) I had to walk away.
It might seem a chicken way out, but I recommend writing her a letter–an actual, paper letter sent to her house. That lets you get everything out without her interrupting you, and the sending it to her house means she probably won’t read it at work (ugh), or have an easy way to fire something back without at least having a moment to pause and consider her actions and reactions to it.
Good luck, bb.
Taking a break while my computer is uploading to ask if anyone else has seen the film Son of Saul?
I’m going to see The Martian tonight and I’m so excited!! I read the book and it is super nerdy and delightful. I really really hope they do a good job adapting it.
Anyone else going to see The Martian, or other movies this weekend?
I think I’m going to see The Martian next weekend. All reviews so far have been very positive!
I just went to see Lucifer at the local classic/foreign movie house. Completely gorgeous film and unexpectedly light-hearted. Reminded me a bit of The Seventh Seal, which I super love. And also of Hieronymus Bosch paintings.
Whoa. This looks totally fucking awesome. Man, I miss having access to a decent arthouse movie theater…
It was awesome! You could definitely spend a long time dissecting the imagery and plot. This is the last in the director’s series of 3 films exploring the topic of religion. Of course, I doubt I will be able to track down the first two. :c
The theater near me is a legit treasure. Lucifer was a screening in association with the local community college so there was discussion after, which I will ALWAYS butt in on.
Noir festival is coming up!
Yes! I have tickets to see it tomorrow at 7 (and I wish it were today, because I don’t want to wait!).
(Translation: We’ll hopefully be seeing The Martian. Really enjoyed the book!)
We will probably see it sometime this weekend and I am STOKED
So it’s the ridiculously busy Festival crunch time here at work (and yet I am here on the OT, hmmm), but the upside is that the Monday after it’s all over we all take the day. Last year I made my spouse also take the day and do a double-feature with me and we’re planning to do so again, this year with The Martian and Crimson Peak. Super excited for the 19th to get here!
I love the book so much, and the movie looks fantastic! I might try to see it tomorrow if the rain lets up enough for me to feel like leaving the house.
I saw it last night and loved it! They did a fantastic job adapting it (I only had one spoilery complaint about a difference from the book), the cast was phenomenal (Jessica Chastain is my favorite human, basically), and, like the book, it was just a really good, optimistic adventure. Really well done.
I eat veg 100% of the time, and love cooking vegan. Isa Chandra Moskowitz has revolutionized vegan cooking for me: so flavorful, so easy! The ones that get a lot of play in my house:
chickpea cutlets: http://www.theppk.com/2010/11/doublebatch-chickpe…
chipotle mac & cheese with roasted brussels sprouts: http://www.theppk.com/2013/06/chipotle-mac-cheese…
ancho lentil tacos: http://www.theppk.com/2011/05/ancho-lentil-tacos/
I am having a heck of a time getting a good photo of this thing. Hand-carved cherry wood blanket chest from my Dad! He loves to leave natural variations in his wood pieces, hence the darker color on the left panel.
That is gorgeous
Thanks! I did NOT expect it to be so elaborate when I asked him to build it. I just figured it’d be a simple Shaker style chest, but he surprised me. I need to get an actual camera.
WOW, that is gorgeous!
Waaaay too pretty for the rest of my garbage furniture!
Beautiful!!! I have a few wooden things my dad has made for me but he’s very much a function over form kind of person so the pieces are beautifully made but much more simple than your blanket chest. If he hasn’t already, ask him to carve his name and the date into the bottom of it for you!
That’s such a good idea! My mom told him to sign it with marker, but carving would be so much better. Next time he visits!
He mostly builds Shaker style stuff, but I sent him a couple of photos of antique pieces that I would buy if they weren’t you know, $$$, and this is a copy of one of them, from the mid-18th century. I didn’t expect this at all, and now I have to up my daughter game to be worthy!
It’s gorgeous!
Wow, that is amazing. Like, Nick Offerman would be impressed!
That is beautiful.
Beautiful. I hope it gives you joy for years to come.
That is so beautiful!! Your dad rocks.
Wowwww
WOW. You couldn’t buy anything nicer. I would ask if he takes commissions if I weren’t 10000% sure something this beautiful is totally outside my budget.
Toasties, in approximately six hours I will be on holidays. I’m spending the weekend at a knitting fair (convention? idk what to call it), taking classes from teachers that I have always admired from afar and then Monday morning I fly to California to meet my mom and sisters for a girls week away beside a pool in the desert. I haven’t taken a full week off and gone away somewhere since like February 2014? Apparently we are also going to Disneyland for a day. And I realized that next weekend is (Canadian) thanksgiving, so I have an extra day off when I get home. Praise!
So so so excited. I am expecting today to be a completely useless day at work.
Anyone else taking fun holidays soon?
Knitting fair sounds lovely! I feel like the pace of knitting would make it less overwhelming and hectic than your typical fairs/conventions. Let us know how it is!
I have no holidays soon, since I’m saving up my vacation days, but over the winter holiday I’ll be visiting my family and then going to Seattle to visit my partner’s family. He’s promised me a day trip to the peninsula to try to find tide pools, since I’ve never seen a real tide pool, although I don’t know if the tides will cooperate with us in the dead of winter. In any case, I’m really excited for some quality coastal time for hiking in sweaters and boots and drinking loads of good coffee.
Seattle area is perfect for those things. I’m in Vancouver, BC and December is definitely sweater/rain coat and boots weather. I feel like there are low tides all year (maybe? not helpful, sorry), so you should be able to find some pools!
Yes! Its a big numerical yr for me so I’m celebrating the entire month, including a long girls wkd in LA with hopefully all the sunshine. 3+ hours in a day spa and all the Mexican food 🙂
Veggie dishes:
Coconut/tomato/chickpea/roasted cauliflower curry
This excellent spinach pie — http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/15/health/nutritio…
Lasagne with alternating layers of spinach & ricotta and tomato sauce with veggies
Fried rice with onions, ginger, garlic, peas, cabbage, egg, coriander, etc.
Carbonara, but with mushrooms chopped up and fried in butter until they’re crispy, and then used in place of bacon.
Risotto made with peas, cheese, onions, etc, then cooled down overnight, rolled into balls, dipped in breadcrumbs, deep fried for a few minutes, and then served with fried egg on top okay I only made this once when I was feeding hung over people but it was delicious.
Leftover food! Bits of potato, kale, tomatoes, sweet potato, whatever else was roasted, tossed in a frying pan with some onion and eaten with whatever cheese you didn’t eat the night before.
Pancakes.
Vegetarian entrees: in the fall/winter, I make a lot of butternut squash macaroni and cheese (healthier -and- more interesting than plain! I usually sub canned pumpkin puree for the squash to make it easier) and kasha varnishkes (buckwheat with mushrooms and onion). I also often do wild rice + kale + sauteed onions + olives + feta cheese (all easily sub-able to your preferences). I also eat a lot of microwaved sweet potatoes, but that’s not very fancy!
I have NOROVIRUS and I’m DYING
SOLIDARITY. *fistbump*
🙁 🙁 🙁
I am so sorry, Mallory! It’s a terrible illness! I hope someone is helping look after you?
NO ONE IS, because then they would get it, and I don’t want to bring this onto ANYONE
but I am getting a healthy dose of pity from the Internet, which gives me strength
Could they drop medications at the door and ring the doorbell and run?
(my parents gave me this illness when I went home for Christmas one year. I’ve never forgiven them, and I haven’t been back for a holiday since.)
Oh Mallory, I’m sorry you’re sick. Wishing you swift recovery, your favorite soothing liquids, and easy rest.
I don’t know what a norovirus is but it has the word NO in it so I’m gonna guess it’s hella bad.
NOOOOOOO YOU POOR THING we had that at college my freshman year and they literally had to quarantine a floor of my dorm. It was THE WORST.
Sorry Mallory. I get this somewhat frequently myself. It typically lasts 24-48 hours, then you’re done.
Once you can start eating, if you haven’t already, I recommend Chinese noodle soup as well as the requisite saltines.
NOROVIRUS???
But nonetheless, you have my FULL SYMPATHY.
It is a very contagious stomach virus. When a whole cruise ship of people get sick it is usually that.
Arghing for you. I caught it the ONE TIME I went to a fitness class, two years ago. It was really awful and I _wanted_ to be dead. The cats and dogs enjoyed it greatly, as they could sleep on/around me for two days straight.
Moral of the story: exercise is bad and to be avoided at all costs.
You’re a sensible woman. I like you.
<3
When I got it really bad once, my husband and I contracted it at the same party and it kicked in within the hour for each of us, so we were both knocked flat for like 3 days and could barely even function… the weekend we’d brought in a semi-permanent houseguest. Oops. :/
NO COME BACK TO US
I’m going to recommend you stop both of these wretched and ill-advised hobbies.
Ohhhh nooooo that sucks so bad.
dirtbag virus.
>:(
Norovirus is SO AWFUL. 🙁 Pedialite is a good help, also apple juice when you get to a certain point. I also like top ramen type noodles (easy to digest, salty broth, etc.).
Toast, I have a work question. So, last May I finished school. I do not have a job yet, however a couple weeks ago a…well not quite family friend but someone I’ve known since I was a teen found out I had some training in a specific technical skill area. It so happens that the company he works for has some tight deadlines to meet by the end of the year and they were thinking of hiring a contract worker to assist with meeting those deadlines (and he/she would have to have skills in that specific area I have some training in). A few days later I sent a resume (without knowing really anything about the job I was sort of applying for) and met with him and his boss to discuss the position; and this really was just a discussion over lunch, not an interview. Now I’ve been invited to meet them at their office to ‘discuss the position further and get a tour of the office.’
My issue with all this is: I think they may have made some assumptions wherein they think I am more skilled in this area than I am. I want to note that I did my best to be honest about my skills in this area, but at no point did they actually test my knowledge/skills which I have found will generally happen when I’ve interviewed for student positions in this area. And so far, it doesn’t look like they are planning to. My concern then is that, because I know they need this work done fast, I may not be the person they want. Should I voice these concerns to them? If so, how? I do plan to ask for a copy of the various tasks I will likely be asked to do as I know they have a list (I was shown it) and can therefore take a better look at it to understand if I do have the skills to do this job as quickly as they want.
I’d really love to take this job if they offer but I don’t know if I should. Or is this just impostor syndrome at work?
This really really sounds like impostor syndrome.
Which of course means nothing I will say can convince you you’re qualified 😉 but I think you should trust the interviewers– they’re smart enough to know what they need to get a job done, and so if they think you’re the right person for the job, I would take their word for it. Do look into the details of the job, but I wouldn’t “warn” them. You got this! And there will be things on any job that are company specific and no one will expect you to know those out of the gate.
Pretty sure this happens to most people at some point. A while after I got my current job my boss was explaining to somebody about how I had worked in such-and-such position before I got here– but clearly she either wasn’t familiar with what that kind of job actually entails, or I had not been clear enough about it on my resume, because she thought it was something totally different and WAY more impressive than it actually was. And I… did not correct her, because at this point I had been working here for months and had had proven myself perfectly competent.
It very well could be impostor syndrome, but since you made it past lunch and have an interview, I think there’s no problem in being honest. That doesn’t mean giving a list of your shortcomings, but if you’re honest about your newness to the workforce, they will know you’re basically entry-level, so ask to go through a typical project where you can ask about their process and workflow. You can always fall back on questions about what your role in it will be, and honestly if something comes up that’s a bit above your experience, just say you’re excited to get your hands dirty and learn more. A lot of times, attitude is the bridge between some experience and a job description.
Take the job and bone up on any skills you think you need to bone up on! People learn on the job all the time — just be responsible and diligent about it! Sounds like a great opportunity.
Ooo yes. Favorite vegetarian meals are holupki and cold borscht. Could I get any more Slavic at this point? Probably not.
I have never heard of vegetarian holupki! What do you put in it? I’ve only ever seen beef and rice. *Slav fist bump*
Mushrooms and rice. That’s the version we always have on Xmas eve.
That explains it. Most of the family (except for me) has a major aversion to mushrooms. Potato pierogi are the star of our Christmas Eve dinner.
Pierogis are a big part of ours, but with twelve vegetarian dishes to make the table needs all the padding it can get. Many, many mushroom dishes. The mushroom soup though is the big stand out/star.
Stuffed pumpkins are my go-to vegetarian got-to-impress-someone dish. I’ve done rice and cheese and nutmeg, apples and cheddar and cinnamon bread, all kinds of stuff. Basically, you just layer some cheese with a bread/grain product and put some other kind of fruit or veggie in, pour cream all over it and bake. Pretty foolproof, tastes amazing and looks incredibly impressive.
Yes! I’ve done this with sourdough crouton, nutmeg and gruyere. MMMMMMMMMM
Vegetarian entree: Cabbage pie soup. It sounds weird, but is delicious! http://www.veggieobsession.com/2009/12/cabbage-pi…
I have noticed an increase in small slights in the workplace, and I was talking it out with my roommates yesterday and one of them started going off about how being different has a cost. Like sure I CAN be myself but people will shun me if I’m too offbeat.
And yeah it’s a conservative workplace and all, but I’m not going to make myself crazy a) wondering how I should adjust my image so that they like me again b) wondering if I did/said/do/say something that annoys people. I’m just gonna work hard.
That said though, it’s making me a little sad, and I’m wondering if I shouldn’t start looking for another job. I don’t love it or hate it here but the tension is rising all over the office, not just around me, and … I dunno if I wanna be the guy running for the exit just because there might be something going down (I really wanted to make a Star Trek metaphor just there, it was about escape pods and Klingons decloaking, you’re welcome)
AND THEN I remember some advice lady (Polly?) saying “if you want to leave that is enough of a reason” about relationships and maybe it could be for office jobs too?
I just… I just… *flops on the bed dramatically*
Even more especially for jobs, because usually jobs expect you to leave at some point anyways, so there’s not even the ” maybe hurting other people ” part . and it certainly doesn’t hurt to start looking- you can always choose to stay even if you get a different job offer.
My colleagues forward me job listings saying “omg this would be so perfect for you!!” so I know they won’t miss me THAT much. lol/notlol
That is some next-level passive-aggressive shit. They are scum. You deserve so much better.
thanks for saying that. I have wondered. They are always friendly and professional to me so yeah, emails suggesting I should leave always make me go “huh.”
Maybe they know something you don’t about the culture and are trying to be protective in a weird way?
That or they have some sort of office pool on your date of departure. 🙁
Yes, this! Mr Rose once had conference call/interview with the people who would report to him if he were to get the job. Most of them were a bit hostile. It was confusing. Mr Rose ended up taking that job (no other alternatives) and discovered a surreal situation.
1.5 years later:
1) I had to threaten one of his people with legal action if she didn’t stop harassing Mr Rose,
2) we did sue the company and got it shut down (glee!),
3) and we got to know those “hostile” people socially. They were all good, kind folk who were trying to warn us away because they liked Mr Rose immediately. They told us so at the first opportunity.
Yes, begin a job hunt. No downside to interviewing and making contacts. And a conservative workplace is rarely (never?) able to recognize it’s own bigoted assumptions and *un*label an employee they were accustomed to faulting.
You deserve better.
You know, I just realized I’ve never done a job hunt *while already employed*. That’s probably why I’m confused about it.
Also I admit I am scared my employer will find out I’m job hunting. Will they? Does it matter??
You probably should not let your employer know you’re looking. The places you apply to should keep it confidential, but it does not hurt to say at the end of interviews that you’d appreciate it if they didn’t contact your current employer without letting you know beforehand. I’ve never run into an employer who seemed at all fazed by that.
I always include my current employer on my resume without naming them. Something like “Commercial Real Estate Company” or “Retail Liquidator”.
shhhhiiiiiit that’s clever.
Good news: it’s usually a lot easier! (At least in my experience).
I never told my current employer I was job-searching, though. If I had to take time off for an interview, etc., I usually just said it was for a doctor’s appointment.
If an employer asks why you want to leave your current job, I highly recommend going with something like “I’m looking for new challenges, and I’m particularly interested in gaining more experience in [whatever their company does]”.
“Wanting to leave is enough” is absolutely true in relationships AND jobs (the quote is from Dear Sugar aka Cheryl Strayed) … Unlike personal relationships, though, jobs and offices are almost never going to be The Most Accepting Of Your Truest Self – that’s a unicorn job, so please let me know if you find it!
I don’t know where you are in your career, but if you’re just starting out I would be wary of running for the exit… In my 10-year career, I’ve found that you learn and grow a LOT from sticking out a situation where you’re maybe not THE happiest, but you’re not actively miserable every day. Sure, if a new, better job is easy to come by, take it… but the best indicator of “need to GTFO” is a consistent feeling of dread or depression every morning on your way to work. The jobs where I’ve felt that way were the only ones that I look back on and regret staying as long as I did. The rest were learning experiences that I’m glad I stuck out for a while longer.
My go-to impress-the-crowd veg dinner is Ottolenghi’s Kosheri, which is an Egyptian lentil/noodle/rice dish with a spicy tomato sauce.
Recent winners: anything from Cookie & Kate (she’s coming out with a cookbook! So excited!), Smitten Kitchen, or 101 Cookbooks. Favorite thing I cooked last week: http://minimalistbaker.com/sweet-potato-chickpea-… (One sheet pan meals = best meals).
I’m going to Denmark and Sweden next Sunday! So far I just have my plane ticket and 4 nights booked in Copenhagen through Air B&B. I want to go to Stockholm and Uppsala, and other than that it’s up in the air. Any advice?
(I had considered going to Russia and got some good advice from Toasties, but in the end delayed so long that I wasn’t confident I could get a visa in time, so Denmark and Sweden it is.)
I hope you have fun! I went to Copenhagen and Stockholm in the spring and LOVED both cities. Definitely rent a bike!
I absolutely adored Copenhagen. I loved all of it. I can’t even think of any advice except to enjoy it.
Find a sauna. A good, traditional sauna with a cold plunge pool. Totally different experience that I have been trying to replicate since I was in Scandinavia a while ago.
I know literally nothing about Copenhagen, but I can tell you about Stockholm and Uppsala. What do you enjoy? The weather is probably going to suck, as you might have guessed.
Both Stockholm and Uppsala are beautiful cities, great to bike or walk around. Uppsala is comparably tiny while Stockholm is spread out around lots and lots of water. The weather is cold and crisp right now, but Stockholm can be humid and Uppsala is windy because it’s on a plain. Stockholm has a lot of hipstery expensive cafes and pubs, generic “European capital” stuff (the Old Town is cute but the castle is boring), boats that putter around the archipelago for a few hours and then drop you off where you started, and many great museums (which usually are free one night a week). Uppsala is an old university town with a huge cathedral, lots of weird science history and a castle on a hill. Very walkable town with a lot of students running around. Both cities have a few quirky bookstores, nice parks and such. If you like being outdoors, both cities have great opportunities for that. In Stockholm, there are national parks a short walk off the subway.
HOWEVER. If you find yourself bored in Scandinavia, you might consider going to Visby on the (Swedish) island Gotland in the middle of the Baltic. The flight is less than an hour from Stockholm-Arlanda and is usually cheap. Visby is an AMAZINGLY pretty medieval Hansa town. It looks like a fairytale. I’m not exaggerating. The weather might be bad, I’ve never been there at this time of year, but if you have any interest whatsoever in extremely beautiful historical cities with pretty gardens and epic city walls, you should at least consider going.
Edited to add: also, Google Street View in Visby was shot during the annual Medieval Week (which doesn’t seem very similar to American renfaires, this is… something else), so that’s fun
If I have to choose between Uppsala and Visby, should I go to Visby? It hadn’t occurred to me (I had never heard of it!) and I kind of picked Uppsala because it looks cute and thought I’d want to see somewhere other than Stockholm, so I’m not attached to going there.
Yes, I’d say so. Uppsala is great, so if you want, you can make it a day trip from Stockholm. The train runs twice an hour all day, costs like 10 dollars (I’m assuming you’re American?) and takes 40 minutes. But Visby, and the entire island of Gotland, is just truly unique. Visby is a Unesco World Heritage Site, because it’s so well preserved.
I mean, if you like history, you’re all set, Visby will keep you busy. But there’s also cute little cafes, restaurants, old church ruins, culture, etc. Gotland looks like someone cut off a bit of a Mediterranean coast and put it on the 55th latitude in the middle of the Baltic. You can go on day trips from Visby to the rest of Gotland to look at weird stone pillars (Google “rauk”), caves, beaches (though maybe not this time of year) and such. As you can hear, this is one of my favourite, favourite places in the world, and if you do go, I’ll have a few restaurant and cafe tips for you. Do some Google searches (don’t neglect image searches) and see if you find something you like.
Wiki link: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visby (Uppsala is on English Wikipedia too, if you want to compare)
There are tourist websites like gotland.com and gotland.net that can help you find somewhere to stay and something to do. The English language versions aren’t great but you can Google translate the Swedish sites.
Yes! I’ve decided to go to Visby. Any advice you could give would be appreciated–first of all, 2 1/2 days isn’t too much, right? It works out in my schedule/airline tables that I can arrive there around 4:30 next Thursday, and depart early Sunday morning. I figure I won’t be able to do much Thursday besides walk around and eat dinner. For the remaining time, I think 1 day in Visby itself and 1 day in the countryside.
I’d love advice, especially re: cafes, restaurants, hotels, etc.–if you’d rather not do this via Open Thread, I’m available by email at my user name at yahoo.com. Thanks!
I have what feels to be a GIANT zit brewing under the surface on my chin. Like, the Yellowstone Caldera of pimples. You can’t see anything on the surface yet, other than maybe a tiny bit of swelling, but I can feel it. Is there anything I can slather on my face to fight this? My plans for tonight are to sit in my giraffe onesie drinking wine and looking at houses online, so I’ve got plenty of time to sit with a mask on or whatever.
Once I ran out of my normal pimple cream (because, y’know, I’m almost 40 so OF COURSE I still need pimple cream) so I went online and found out you could grind up a plain aspirin and like a drop of water and a glob of honey, and it works pretty well! Something something science acetylsalicylic acid and anti-inflammatory etc etc chemistry.
You really have to crush up the aspirin though, otherwise you’re smearing little tiny jagged rocks on your face.
Tea tree oil, undiluted, may help. But Girl Named Jack’s crushed aspirin might be more effective. Can you get to a drug store?
Any 10% benzoil peroxide cream will be best. Rub it in, then add a dollop on top, like whipped cream, and leave it alone for as long as possible. You know bp bleaches every fabric it touches. So apply with the back of a spoon, to keep it out of your finger pores. Use a white pillow case and towels. When ready to be bp-free, use a scrub to encourage all traces to leave your pores.
Good luck.
Get in there with a hot wash cloth and a needle and GET IT OUT. Hold no truck with this BULLSHIT PIMPLE.
No, actually, don’t listen to me. But that would be really satisfying, no?
I’ve had really good luck with calamine lotion, which is both soothing and drying, plus it stays on your face at night, instead of getting all over the bedsheets.
Hot (okay, warm — be careful!) green or black teabag laid on it will bring whatever it is to the surface. The tea also has some antiseptic astringent properties.
I am almost 40 goddamn years old and my face still regularly does this. Ugh. Warm compresses can help bring it to a head but all is ashes and despair anyway.
Veggie moussaka – using puy lentils for meaty bit. Delia Vegetarian recipe. Pretty darn delicious. Basically anything the Hugh F-W’s Veg. Cheesy leek stuffed squashes are lovely and autumnal!
Toasties, I need a hand. My boyfriend is Chinese raised in Asia (whereas I’m American-born Japanese/Chinese mixed) and thus has internalized a bunch of shitty anti-sj stuff about how it’s okay to use slurs and people should get over slavery already and “everyone is discriminated against so (insert minority here) is just complaining for the attention” due to the English-language media he has consumed.
BUT, he likes black stand-up comics. So can anyone recommend to me a black (pref. male) standup comic who handles things like 1) why slurs are ok-ish in in-group reclamation context but NOT ok from out-group, 2) intersectional oppression, 3) how the repercussions of historical oppression are still disadvantaging people in the present day, 4) sexism, etc?
Thanks for the help! I mainly listen to Hari Kondabolu and Margaret Cho, and he didn’t seem too interested in them.
Donald Glover, maybe? Or Hannibal Buress?
Ahmer Rahman is Bangladeshi-Aussie, not black, but this is still my favorite ever standup comedian take on “reverse racism”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw_mRaIHb-M
Jay Smooth has a lot of good stuff in this realm, although he isn’t exactly a comic, I guess. I have trouble pointing you in the direction of a specific set or talk, though!
I’ll second the Hannibal Buress recommendation, too.
Also highly recommend Jay Smooth. And he might really be open to listening to him. He’s charismatic and very listenable, I find his pieces entertaining as well as validating and enlightening.
Kamau Bell is great and I think pretty accessible.
Plus there’s always http://yoisthisracist.com/
Fuck yeah.
Others may be able to weigh in, but perhaps Key and Peele, on a very meta level?
Huge thank you to everyone who replied! I am still working through these suggestions but this is a great start and I’m having a blast listening ot them!
Toasties, I am writing to you from an airplane. While fortunately my row-mates are polite & quiet individuals, behind us, one on each side of the aisle are two Texas businessmen who, I kid you not, have not shut their goddamned entitled mouths for this entire NYC to Dallas flight. I can’t imagine how many $5 cocktails I would have consumed were it not for headphones to reduce them to a drone.
In other news, how are people feeling about the democratic presidential primary? I have a lot of thoughts & feelings & some of them are slightly contradictory.
Last year I happened to fly into Dallas on the same weekend that the Texas Cattlemen’s Association was having some kind of conference, so i feel you. Good god, so many hats.
I went and saw Bernie Sanders speak last week and it made me want to weep quietly out of sheer hope. I wasn’t on the bandwagon before, but I sure as fuck am now.
Oh I am envious! I’d love to see him speak. My primary concern with Bernie has been his awkwardness and visible inexperience discussing current civil rights issues, particularly BLM.
Same, but I think he’s willing to listen and to get input from others. He could put together a great and diverse team to help him understand and then speak to their concerns better
Hope for Bernie, fall back on Hillary.
@TheBartender – my absolute BEST EVER recipe is Mushroom Spinach Smoked Gouda Quesadillas. This shit’s amazing – and possibly good for you. http://embryoconcepts.com/smoked-cheese-and-veggi…
If you want something a little fancier, PostPunk Kitchen’s Mushroom Seitan Stroganoff is fantastic, but a little time consuming (and expensive). I use real dairy products throughout, halve the seitan, and leave out the peas. http://www.theppk.com/2008/10/1010/
After yesterday’s glorious piece on Nigella , there’s now a retrospective of Nigella in pictures in the Guardian, followed by an interview tomorrow.
‘When I became a journalist, just as I’d put off writing essays as a student by busying myself in the kitchen, so I fought off deadline panic by chopping vegetables, making soups or stirring something, anything.’
moment of appreciation for Nigella’s mom Vanessa’s eyeliner game.
Dang that woman is style goals.
Dirtbag ethics professor is arguing for gun control. I did not think it was possible, but he’s making me take the opposite side. The man is that obnoxious and pretentious.
Someone stop me before I just go insane.
I’m going to just flip out and fly out the window.
How high a window is it? Can you take him with you and drop him?
Probably because he’s only arguing *for* it because it makes him feel liberal and self-righteous–based on what you’ve said about him (“masochist”?!?), I highly doubt he has any reasoned arguments for this debate, or any other.
Those who are enjoying Priyanka Chopra in Quantico should definitely check out the movie 7 Khoon Maaf (7 Sins Forgiven/Excused)–it’s available to rent on Amazon Streaming, or, it looks like the whole movie is on YouTube. (Warning: there are some rough/unpleasant sexual situations.) The story of a woman who, over the course of some 40 years, marries 7 men, all of whom die under mysterious circumstances….
I have a new GP! A woman who looked horrified when I told her what the last one did to me.
LAST DAY OF WORK. LAST DAY OF WORK. T-3 hours, 15 minutes until it’s over!
T-1 hour, 15 minutes until I have to go to my “going away party” which is always the Most Awkward Thing. Thankfully, my amazing office friends put it together and they know that I hate everything like that, so it should be not the worst.
Good grief, it’s already page 3 and no video game thread? Video game thread!
I had an accident at Gamestop last weekend and bought Dragon Age Inquisition for the Xbox One. I’ve already played through it twice on the 360, but now I’m a female dwarf warrior with plans to romance Josephine! And it is SO FUN. I don’t know what it is about this game, but picking it up again after 9 months away (in which I played the Mass Effect trilogy) is like coming home.
I’m gonna take my Xbox 360 and DAI to my parents’ house over the holidays and try to teach my mom to play. I think she’d love the world and the story and everything, but she’s never played a video game so we’ll see how this goes. (I will also have to try and keep my mouth shut if/when she makes wrong decisions!)
I also bought Life is Strange. I played 1.5 episodes in a row and then had dreams about it. It freaked me out a little and I haven’t gone back to it – I think I have to play it in large chunks or not at all. What do other people think of this game?
What’s everyone else playing?
I played the first two episodes of Life is Strange a couple of months ago and haven’t gotten back into it. Don’t finish the second episode if you’re feeling unhappy or upset, that’s all I’m going to say.
I think the game is interesting because I haven’t played anything like it, I just wish the dialogue was less… weird. I’m not sure how to articulate what bothers me about it, but a lot of it seems like adult men trying to write what they think teenage girls would say, so it sounds off.
I totally agree about the dialogue being weird. It’s possible that I’m old and kids actually talk that way, though, because my wife refuses to play it and makes me turn the volume down because it reminds her too much of the high school kids she teaches.
I’m just like “why are you all so emo???”
I finally got around to playing Dragon Age 2, and it has completely taken over my brain. now I remember why I restricted my access to video games in college.
I miss the campfire chats from DA:O, though. I really dislike having to go to each character’s house to talk to them, and having to wait for specific companion quests to be able to have in depth conversations with them. I JUST WANT TO USE MY CHARMS TO MAKE AVELINE FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THE LAWBREAKING, JEEZ. (I just picked up Fenris, so at least I can switch out my warriors when I’m about to do something nefarious.)
DA:I looks great. I don’t think my computer is up to spec, but my partner brought me a DVD copy (haha) of DA:O so I could try to get into the series.
I’m currently playing TES: Oblivion, because I don’t play games made in the current decade, apparently. It is worse than Morrowind but it’s meditative so I’m into it. I play Redguard and just joined the Dark Brotherhood whichhh I feel a little bad about because I take my in game ethics very seriously, but the quests are fun.
I completely agree that Oblivion is just not as great as Morrowind was in its day, or as Skyrim continues to be for me, but the Dark Brotherhood quests are off the chain. Not just “hey, murder this character in cold blood” but “hey, extra points if you do it quickly and painlessly, or without any collateral damage!” And the extra reward is well worth it.
One of these days I’ll get back to Oblivion. I’ve never completed the game, but last time a Toastgamer was discussing it I was inspired to go much further with the main quest than before. I just enjoy leading every single guild much more than building my army and closing gates, so I am not really adequately prepared to defend Martin when we summon the big gate. If I only had to take care of myself, it’d be easier!
80 Days, which is an AMAZING steampunk anti-colonialist riff on the Verne novel, is now available for Windows & Mac (and the new storylines are available for the mobile versions)!
Gender parity! Bi protagonist! So many responses to, and resistances of, imperialism! Amazing writing! And even if you don’t make it back to London in 80 Days, you can keep playing, so you can feel free to explore as you like.
I could talk about this at GREAT length, but really, check it out, it’s so good.
That sounds like tons of fun! I’ve added it to my steam wishlist to remind me to look at it more closely when I get home.
Tried to play KOTOR (for the first time) and it crashed. Apparently I need to dumb down my computer for it. *so proud of big strong computer*
I had the same problem when I tried to play KOTOR. If you figure out the best way to dumb down your big strong computer, let me know so I can try again.
I loooove Life is Strange. The dialog can get a little cringe-worthy at times but it’s really ambitious, has interesting female characters, and the music is great.
I just got a new computer that can actually… run things… so I kinda really want to re-buy DA:I for PC. I have it on PS4, but, like, hair mods! Eyebrows that don’t suck! I should not be allowed to spend money.
I’m pleased with myself because I finally got every achievement on Mass Effect 2, which includes playing on Insanity, which is a big deal for me because I play most games on Casual or Normal. But the experience made me a better strategist and I’m doing pretty okay at not dying now that I’ve imported that character into ME3 on Insanity.
Romancing Garrus in 3 for the first time. (I had an earlier playthrough in which I romanced both Garrus and Thane in 2, and only Thane carried over). It’s just as charming as everyone said it would be.
Insanity players, I just saved the Citadel from Cerebus and could take a detour before I talk to the quarians. Would it be more effective to play the more challenging DLC now (specifically thinking of that last fight on Omega!) or wait until after Rannoch, when I (but also, presumably, my enemies) will have leveled up more?
Destiny! Seriously, it is SO MUCH BETTER now. And I have a freaking sword. I’ve just been doing bounties and poking around on the dreadnought and leveling up my Vanguard and Future War Cult rep.
Question for people who have read the “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” book. I only got about 20 pages into it before it was time to return it to the library, but, um, does it get less preachy? I mean, I’ve been lucky enough to have good experiences with gynecologists and I really like my IUD and when I used it hormonal birth control was also a good thing for me. So the entire section that I read just felt like it was attacking what had worked fine for me and was belittling my choices. Am I just too sensitive? Should I skim to a later section of the book?
Honestly, I didn’t find it to be particularly preachy. Like, I’ve used hormonal birth control and I didn’t feel like it was particularly attacking or anything. But the thing is, the book is targeted at women who are already interested in some way in using a non-invasive non-hormonal method of birth control, which is already selecting women who in many ways feel ill-served by the standard gynecological practices.
As always, you can skip that bit and go right to the part on actually charting, which is not chatty and pretty scientific.
I found those bits also kind of annoying (as I am kind of the poster child of hormonal birth control pretty much doing all the things they promise it does- lighter periods, actually more regular moods, no pregnancy, works great). The other bits were very interesting though. (Although I was also sort of annoyed at the cervical mucus/ fluid thing. Like, just use mucus! It’s fine! Also, do not understand why checking your cervical mucus is supposed to be weird).
My husband and are are shifting into the trying to get pregnant mode (early days), and I have found it useful on that front, especially since my OBGYN seems obsessed with the ovulation kits & I’m all “I’ll just check my cervical position & mucus, thanks.” I have also talked my husband into reading it, and he is finding it highly entertaining and informative, so I think the hormonal birth control preachiness factor comes a bit from a place of defensiveness for me.
Longtime lurker, here! Finally un-lurking (de-lurking?) mostly just because it’s about time I joined my people. You all are great and I’m so excited (if a little nervous) to emerge from the shadows and meet you all!
Another reason I’m joining in is that I missed out on at least TWO mentions of ADHD/ADD in the surprise open thread yesterday, and I could really use some toastie ADHD/ADD camaraderie right about now.
After years of willful ignorance and denial, I very recently realized that the ADD I was diagnosed with as a child is in fact a Real Thing, and that it being untreated this whole time has been the source of a ton of self-loathing and anxiety for many years. With this revelation, I’m beginning to understand that I’m not just fundamentally flawed (?!) and that I’m not alone in the symptoms I experience. (Ironically, this has made it very hard to focus at work this week…)
I can’t tell you how excited I am to begin this journey and finally get treatment (and to have discovered there are other toasties with ADHD/ADD!). As a starting point, I have an appointment with a mental health counselor at my clinic next month, and in the meantime I’m gobbling up as many books on the topic as I can find. (Who knew the symptoms could present so differently in women than in men?? I mean, looking at it now the potential impact of societal pressure seems obvious, but the last time I really looked at ADD I was still using my much-less-aware childhood/adolescence eyes.)
Is there a toastie ADHD/ADD support group or anything? I’d love to talk with others about their experiences, trade helpful resources, etc.! This thread is a great place for that too, of course. 🙂
(Also, sorry if there’s been a recent thread covering this ground already. The topic hasn’t really felt relevant to me until now, so it’s v. possible I would have overlooked it!)
Woohoo! I’m sort of similar, diagnosed as a child but my parents sort of blew it off until I started really struggling in my late teens (of course I had been struggling the whole time, but it didn’t start impacting my grades until much later so my parents didn’t notice). Starting meds was really eye-opening because up until that point I didn’t really know what being focused was supposed to feel like. But it’s also a long process, and I had a really rough time finding a good dose, so be sure that your doc is willing to work closely with you on that.
The other thing is that ADHD people have all sorts of weird coping mechanisms that we’re using in place of normal behaviors like “taking notes” or “putting things back where they go.” If you’re like me, those coping mechanisms may include severe anxiety and obsessively checking on things. And getting rid of that crap is its own process.
I don’t think there’s a Toast support group, but there should be! I used to hang out in the ADHD section of reddit until the rest of that website started getting on my nerves. Good place if you suddenly need to ask “hey, does anyone else’s face get really sweaty right after you take Adderall?” And then twelve people jump in to be like “no, actually it’s my butt that gets sweaty?”
I was a late-in-life diagnosis, and lo and behold, once properly medicated, I quit job hopping and crashing cars. Weird. (Also, maybe being flippant is a coping mechanism? Hm.)
Anyway, I’m down for a thread next week or now or whenever. Would you be into sharing the name of the books you’ve been reading? I could do with some knowledge on this topic. I’m an obsessive researcher of everything else except shit that hits close to home, so maybe it would be good for me.
I didn’t get diagnosed until this year at age 29. The book that made it all clear for me was ‘Women With ADD’ by Sari Solden. I had no idea that ADHD often presented so differently in women! And came in an underactive form!
It was actually a Captain Awkward thread that had me researching in the first place. http://captainawkward.com/2015/02/16/662-and-663-… Reading the original letter and other people’s comments – wow. It was like someone was writing from inside my head. There’s a fair few good recommendations in there as well. You can search for ‘Saffie’ to find my original comment and the incredibly helpful discussion that followed.
Yay for job security and car safety! I’m glad you were able to get diagnosed, and with good results!
Below are the books I’ve ordered. I can’t speak to the helpfulness of any of them because I haven’t gotten to read them yet, but I keep hearing great things about Solden’s “Women with Attention Deficit Disorder,” and from the samples I’ve been able to read it seems spot on for what I need right now. I’ve also heard good things about Kelly’s “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!”
Would love to hear people’s thoughts on any of these, or if anyone has other recommendations!
– 100 Questions & Answers About Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) In Women And Girls, Dr. Patricia Quinn
– Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life, Sari Solden
– The Queen of Distraction: How Women with ADHD Can Conquer Chaos, Find Focus, and Get More Done, Terry Matlen, MSW
– You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder, Kate Kelly
– Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder, Gina Pera
That women vs men presentation thing was the reason I didn’t get diagnosed until this year (age 29). Who knew that it came in an underactive form? I only realised what was going on when I saw a thread on Captain Awkward, and got confused because it was like someone was writing from inside my head. Then I took a couple of online diagnosis things that were basically like – yeah, you should talk to a professional. Then I read Sari Solden’s Women with ADD and again with the writing from inside my head. I sent the book to my mum and she called me about halfway through going ‘this really is describing you isn’t it?’
I’ve struggled to get the medication right, but honestly, even just knowing what’s going on and being able to understand why I feel and act the way I do and that I’m not just a lazy piece of shit has made a huge difference to my quality of life.
Anyway, I don’t know if there’s an offical toastie support group, but hooray for getting help!
I ordered Solden’s book a few days ago! It won’t get here til Wednesday at the earliest, but maybe I’ll try to find it at a library for now? Eager to start it, seems like it will be very enlightening.
I’m reading through that Captain Awkward thread, and holy cow… I continue to be bowled over that I relate to pretty much everything mentioned there. Saffie, I had the very same experience with my year-long honors thesis! I identify SO MUCH with the procrastinating and struggling to be productive, and then churning out good work at the last minute so no one’s the wiser (but you feel burnt out and ashamed, even if you should be proud of the final product). Thank you for linking that thread!
Here for this! I was diagnosed ADD as a teen after a few incidents and I had thought I was bipolar (had sever depression, but also periods of OK, and periods of more than OK, I don’t really know what to call it, basically I was happy when I was doing things I wanted to do, and depressed to the point I couldn’t function when it came to things I didn’t want to do, like school.)
Medication changed my life compleletly, I’ve been on it six years or more now, but now I’m in a weird place where I don’t know what is medication and what is just me maturing. Doctors want me to start coming off it, but that scares the shit out of me, and I’m also struggling to get any kind of mental health care becuase I’m functioning well enough that everyone things I’m fine.
Now I seem to have developed serious anxiety, but just reading this thread is making some serious sense! Yay for coping mechanisms! (Putting things in the same place all the time! I had no idea this is an ADD thing!!!)
Gnocchi tossed in butter and italian seasonings (something like lotta sage, garlic, orgenao, salt, pepper) then liberally dosed with parmesan and broiled until just starting to brown.
I do something similar, but with rosemary and thyme with the butter in the pan as it melts and cools, then pull the herbs out before baking
Carolyn Hax’s annual wedding horror stories chat was today.
I just finished reading that! I kind of envy the person who got to both go to a wedding where a baked Alaska exploded and ALSO a wedding where the fireworks shot directly into the crowd.
A wedding my parents went to recently had fireworks that shot directly at the bride. She was ok, but her wedding dress was ruined!
She’s a treasure.
I literally made a bowl of popcorn to read that. Thanks for the link!
Corrected dirtbag professor on a statistic. (Kid was trying to argue gun control with Chinese knife massacre. Dirtbag professor says that no one ever dies in those.) I discreetly look up correct answer and tell him that.
I have never seen a man go on the defensive that quickly. He literally backed up, pulled a surprised face and accused me of attacking him and calling him names.
I mean, I was frustrated, yes, but I didn’t know I was that scary. At the time anyway.
In my mind, you sweetly (heh) responded with “but how is it ethical to use false information in an debate?” *eyelash batting*
You are powerful. He fears you. That’s good. Carry on.
Ugh. Are you looking to an ombudsperson or Title XI or whatever next?
AHHHH OBAMA IS GONNA SEE HAMILTON AGAIN TO RAISE MONEY FOR DEMOCRATS
SOMEONE GIVE ME $5,000 SO I CAN GO HANG OUT WITH THE PRESIDENT AND SEE MY FAVORITE SHOW
Teacher Toasties!
I’ve opened a Teachers Pay Teachers store since I am no longer in the classroom but still want to stay connected to education… and possibly make some money. Anyway! I’m so proud of my little store and wanted to share it with you all!
https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Store/A-Loves…
Toasties – I’ve felt horrible all week, and I don’t know if it’s a non-stop anxiety attack from major life upheavals, my blood sugar issues have turned into diabetes, a heart attack/heart disease, or what. Racing pulse, nausea, dizziness, emotions on edge. Not knowing, and not having insurance as of 2 days ago is definitely not helping, though. I know anxiety often feels like a heart attack, but what if I AM having heart issues and am assuming it’s just anxiety. I’m losing my mind.
::hugs:: I want to help. I don’t know how to help. But here’s more ::hugs::. I care. I hope you get help. I hope you feel better soon.
::frustrated helpless flail::
Thank you! Trying to do breathing stuff and what not. Code school starts next week, so hoping that something to focus on will help.
I have long considered the fact that anxiety attacks and heart attacks have the same symptoms to be final proof that there is a God, and he hates us.
I know the spiral you’re in too well. It’s the anxiety. It just is. I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
I hear you on the uninsured thing, it’s absolutely awful. (I have it now but I spent several years avoiding going to the doctor when I really needed to).
Is there a teaching hospital in your area that serves a low-income population? Some have a sliding scale or financial assistance available, or can at least work out a payment plan if you have to pay full freight.
Also, if you make an appointment with Planned Parenthood (which also has a sliding scale) or similar clinic for an annual exam, they’ll at least do basic stuff like check your blood pressure. They might also be able to refer you for further care.
BEEN THERE! It is the worst but it will get better, just do what you’ve gotta do to get through it!
I’m fully convinced I had a heart problem, but when I was in the worst of it the last thing I wanted was to go to hospital and be told that there was nothing wrong with me. As soon as you say I’m a bit stressed to a doctor, everything else that’s wrong with you they just say ‘oh its just stress’
All I needed was someone with authority to say ‘yes you’re sick’!
Eventually I went to an acupuncturist who my family has used for years and he instantly knew what was wrong and helped me a lot. He gave me lots of advice about things I was worried about too.
Bigs hugs!
you could try community acupuncture. IT’s cheaper than going to a more private clinic (basically everyone takes a needle nap in the same room in big chairs — it’s still quite private, but laid-back because you can stay as long as you like) and acupuncture is excellent for anxiety.
I am also a big fan of Celestial Season’s Tension Tamer tea, chamomile tea, linden flower tea, or if it feels serious enough, st. john’s wort tea in such situations.
Good luck.
I made a pact with myself this week that no matter what happens, whether I have another job lined up or not, I am leaving my current job in December. It’s become unduly stressful, hurt my career more than helped, and pays next to nothing to boot. The psychological unburdening has been incredible.
So. I could use some advice for anyone who might have gotten married before:
We kind of need to start planning our in the next couple weeks and I have NO IDEA how to do that.
Somehow I’ve made it to twenty-eight without any of my friends getting married first, so I’m the guinea pig on this whole thing for everyone. I’ve only ever even been a guest at two weddings and both were huge traditional fancy things in Oklahoma with a Catholic ceremony, so for a pretty poor untraditional couple, those are not useful things to go by.
We’re paying for it ourselves with fairly limited funds, so there’s that . . . And I was never the kid who grew up daydreaming about my wedding day, so I have no firm ideas of what I even want, so it feels a little bit daunting to try and start figuring that out now.
Any advice?
Hi! Congratulations on getting married! First, I would go out and buy the A Practical Wedding book by Meg Keene. It’s like $10 on Amazon and worth every penny. The corresponding blog APracticalWedding.com has a bunch of useful planning tips. The website and book are primarily about weddings, but they also have a lot of content on marriage, what it means to be married, etc. APW has helped me A LOT in our planning process, like deciding what’s actually important to me and my future husband, how to make our ceremony meaningful for us, etc.
Good luck!!!
A+ RECOMMENDATION. Excellent blog/book.
I was a very angry bride (not about getting married, as I was totally into marrying my husband. But I was not into having a wedding, and ended up with a lot of things I didn’t want/need). THAT BEING SAID. Get comfortable saying no. People often have a lot of expectations for you, your wedding, etc. etc. etc. Be ok with telling people no, deciding what you do and do not want, etc. etc. That can be particularly important when a) you are untraditional b) you don’t have a pile of money.
If you are not someone who is really into a WEDDING, instead think of it as a party where you will happen to get married. If you think of it as planning a party, rather than a wedding, it can be a lot more fun (and feel much more doable). The best wedding I ever went to was conceived in much that way, and it was great. The best part? They didn’t have a cake, but rather asked a bunch of people to bring their favorite pie. We hung out, drank, ate pie. It was super chill, lots of fun, and more accurately reflected the couple than any giant WEDDING.
Congratulations! Totally seconding A Practical Wedding, and also recommending Offbeat Bride for non-judgemental ideas, and brilliant cut-and-paste conflict resolutions.
Here’s what I generally recommend for my brides (37 weddings coordinated and counting!):
1) Start with your budget, which will determine everything else.
2) Reserve a site, which will determine your guest list and wedding date.
3) Make sure there is enough food and water and reasonable temperatures for your guests, and everything else is essentially frosting.
4) Get written contracts for every vendor–if you’re using family and friends for help, send them emails. We tend to remember things better in writing.
5) Plan a party that matters to you and your partner, and be kind with other people’s ideas (doesn’t mean you have to carry them out!)–most of the time, they just want to be a part of your happiness.
Good luck–I know how stressful and annoying the whole process can seem, but if you focus on what is important and sacred to you as a couple, I think you might enjoy it a great deal. Happy engagement!
Your wedding doesn’t have to be anything except what you want it to be. If you don’t know what you want it to be, you and your partner should both make a list of things you care about in relation to a wedding. If neither of you give a shit about flowers or music or wedding party outfits, you can NOT DO THAT.
(I don’t have any special powers to give you permission. But, really, give yourself permission to not care about or plan stuff that you don’t care about.)
The hardest things are: when, where, what kind of ceremony or event. Start by triangulating that stuff. Do you and/or your partner want a specific kind of ceremony? Does one of you want or need a church, or absolutely hate the idea? Are there people who MUST be there for you and your partner to be happy?
One excellent piece of advice I received when getting married (caveat: I’m divorced now, but it isn’t related to the wedding, I promise): If you and your partner can’t quite agree on something, rate how important it is to you on a scale of 1-10. Whoever it is more important to wins that point, with the understanding that they’ll compromise or agree to things the partner cares more about.
Elope? Not kidding, 5 out of five stars, would do again
Hey, been there and am currently doing that. You’ll be okay.
First of all, it sounds like you’re in the greatest possible position because you can basically design your wedding from the ground up without worrying about what you “should” have. I know this sounds like it’s actually more work, but trust me, it’s freeing when you can look at a wedding-blog checklist and tell an entire page or spreadsheet to go eff itself.
You can talk about what you and your partner want without getting into dress-and-flowers specifics. Do you want it to feel like a party? A solemn occasion? How much do you want your guests to be involved? That general question will guide you into more specific thoughts about structure.
In terms of the wedding internet, I’ve found A Practical Wedding to be helpful in terms of understanding how vendors and guest expectations generally work. Offbeat Bride is cool if you want to do something showy but not typically white-wedding. But do keep in mind that both of those, as independent as they are, still focus on carefully styled and professionally photographed weddings. Our no-photographer Quaker wedding won’t look anything like those, and sometimes I’ve felt alienated as a result before I remember that it’s all okay.
Finally, congratulations!
There are lots of good websites now for less traditional weddings, but I think what helped me the most was to sit down and make a list (mental or physical) about what the most important things for the wedding were for me. If you can get your partner to make a similar list, you can compare, see what overlaps, if anything conflicts, and go from there.
For me, it was having friends and family there, nothing too formal, not a long service, etc. For Mr. Thuja it was having fun, not being super religious, and ending up married! So we ended up having the friend who introduced us officiate a 10 minute wedding, and then we all went inside, played boardgames, and ate tasty food!
We did it by figuring out a rough guest list, and then decided how to allocate funds from that number. Also asked both sets of parents if they had any preferences; only request was to have it in the summer so academics could travel.
And we wrote a mission statement. Because DORKS. But it really did help, because the wedding stuff can so very quickly spiral into black holes of crazy. Did it fit with the mission statement? No, ok, cross off the list of things to think about.
I am the same way. I hate organizing things, calling for appointments, etc. My best advice is to narrow down your choices right off the bat instead of getting lost in endless possibilities. For instance, I narrowed down our venues to two that I wanted to see and made appointments, then picked the one I liked better. Don’t paralyze yourself with endless options.
If you plan on getting married in a church ask whoever’s in charge if there’s anything to keep in mind re: non-obvious paperwork, they almost certainly have watched couples go through this before.
Beyond that the one wedding I was sort of a part of was just at the local episcopal church, they let us in the night before to hang up some balloons and arrange tables as well as do a quick walk through of the ceremony. Other than that food was basically potluck+finger foods. The bridal party split the cost of a keg for the after party (the bride’s family was teetotal so that night we all got drunk in the desert). The photographer and the outfits were i think 90% of the cost for that wedding.
Oh and if you plan on hiring a wedding photographer ask-about/make-sure you own the photos spend the extra money you don’t want your family to be paying by the print afterwards and the photos will last a lot longer than “more food” or “better food” or “open bar”.
Mashed sweet potato & kale griddle cakes. Cast iron skillet for extra iron, of course.
Also, there’s a drainage pipe that runs along the ceiling of my office. With the rain we’re having, it’s like an eternal babbling brook CD, and I’m having a very hard time concentrating. I’m just. so. relaxed.
Hey y’all.
-How do you find a missing cat?
-How do you forgive your boyfriend for letting your brand-new loving sweetheart outside without a leash although you specifically told him to put her on a leash and now you just associate her being gone with him and now you’re twice as alone?
I have been looking at services but the only one that sends mass texts is apparently a scam. I don’t mind spending money.
I’m in Knoxville TN btw and she is a white bobtail.
Did kitty use a litter box while she was with you? Try putting it outside your door. It smells like her and like home.
ugh my roommate let out my cat once “by mistake” (I am fairly certain it was not a mistake.)
the tips ginkgotree posted are good.
I ended up using one of those cat traps. (I had a neighbor who volunteers with a local program that catches local strays, spays/neuters them, and then releases them, and she lent her trap to me.) My cat did not end up going into the trap, but when I went out to check it (after finally posting the last of my flyers around the neighborhood), she was there trying to figure out how to get to the tuna inside without setting it off.
Aww! Maybe I can find one of those. Thank you!
I’m so sorry! How worrying for you. A couple suggestions in addition to the other excellent tips listed so far:
–ask your local shelter/rescue organization if you can borrow a humane trap that you can bait with her favorite stinky food every night
–as you’re canvassing your neighborhood with flyers and search requests (which, as a shelter volunteer, I think is the absolute most important thing to do), ask your neighbors if they’ve had visitors/contractors with trucks, vans, etc. that your cat could have hopped into and been driven away in
–use a flashlight a little after dusk to check for eye reflections in the bushes, under cars, etc.
–make little postcards/flyers with your cat’s picture on them, that you can give/mail to everyone in your neighborhood. Make them attractive, and encourage people to keep them on their refrigerators or otherwise in sight in case they see your cat in the future.
In my experience, lost cats tend not to go too far in unknown territory–if they find a place that feels safe, they will hunker down and not move unless they feel they are not being watched or threatened in any way. So it’s a good idea to put out food at night, and also, a reeeeeallllly thorough search of hidey-holes in your neighbors’ properties is crucial.
Good luck!!! I hope she comes home soon.
Thanks! When I’ve been looking I keep finding places that are PERFECT for a cat (small hole to access an entire underside of a house! some kind of abandoned storage/functioning laundromat/basement! Small oasis of bushes in the middle of a city!) so I’m gonna go put flyers wherever I think she might return. The flashlight thing is a great idea! I won’t stop looking.
Ask everyone constantly. I lost one of my precious monsters and despite flyers and a calling service and going to all the shelters, it ended up that a neighbor found her, and just hadn’t gotten around to calling yet. After five days. Rely on people’s good will but laziness, and just harass them mercilessly.
Good luck. Sending you magnetic vibes so your kittyfriend will be drawn home.
it ended up that a neighbor found her, and just hadn’t gotten around to calling yet. After five days.
ARGH. How could they?!
I really admire the practical attitude in your advice here.
An old school friend of mine recently had a cat returned to her after five years. He’d been in a neighbour’s shed. The neighbour fed him, but when he got sick she decided “he’s not my cat” and steps were finally taken that got his microchip read. He came home at the grand age of 16 to find more children and other pets than when he left, but he has settled in again beautifully and can’t stop purring.
Omg that is so annoying. Will do!
Also I found a lost cat before adopting her! When I took it to my sister’s house, her friends there were like Ohhh, it’s Bridge Cat! And kinda had this general vibe of like “you’re really stupid for removing her, you will go put her back now, she lives under a bridge”. But I took her to the vet and her owners had been looking for her for weeks and thought she was dead.
Some people just don’t want to try to do anything at all ever. If the status quo is a scared cat lives under a bridge, so be it.
I’m so sorry about your cat! I once found a (sort of) lost cat, and the hard thing is if you see a seemingly lost cat it is a lot more difficult to catch it than a dog. Also people might assume it is a stray cat in the sense that it has no owner. Maybe someone saw the cat but wasn’t able to catch it or get it to come with them?
I’m worried someone has her and thinks she is too sweet and loving to give up for $100.
I’m also worried no one has her and she’s cold and wet with her little shaved tummy.
Gah!
My friend’s cat was lost for a month. Turned out he had been showing up every evening around the same time, and we just never realized because the porch light was off (stupid). Finally we found him. We also believed a neighbor had been feeding him. Ask around, and keep your lights on!
Ina’s vegetable tian may be my favorite vegetarian dish to make at home. Tomatoes, Zucchini, Potatoes, caramelized onions, and cheese. GOOD cheese, naturally. It’s one of my favorite winter dishes, as well. It’s definite comfort food.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/veg…
Brilliant and creative Toasties! My baby turns two just before Halloween, and I want to throw her a party. Halloween-ish, I am thinking. Since I am dressing her as Alice and going as Queen of Hearts, some Wonderland thematic stuff might be fun, too. I haven’t really settled on a single thing, but need to get cracking, so I am here to steal your ideas.
Tell me about your favorite children’s party ideas! Or any party ideas on the themes of Halloween or Wonderland/Looking Glass.
My birthday is about a week before Halloween, so I ALWAYS had Halloween birthday parties. My mom had a bunch of kids, so the parties were usually pretty low key, with typical party games done up for Halloween. We always did things like Pin The Nose on the Jack O Lantern, and everyone came in their costumes. Decorating cookies was also a common activity.
For an Alice-theme putting “eat me” and “drink me” tags on all the food, or making it a Mad Hatter’s Tea Party theme
Pinterest actually had a lot of fun ideas for an Alice in Wonderland party when I looked, so that’s worth searching. 2 is probably a bit too young to be playing croquet, so perhaps just things like “eat me” and “drink me” labels and lots of playing cards and mushrooms?
Also, now that I’ve gone down the rabbit hole (heh) of Wonderland party ideas on pinterest, I really want to have a themed teaparty. Red and white rose cupcakes! Heart shaped sandwiches! Pin the smile on the Cheshire cat!
Hi folks, update from yesterday. Doing OK. I don’t really want to write a lot of detail right now other than to say that yep, it’s possible to get through the death of your mom without completely flipping out. I’m not all the way through the weekend yet, but just passed a major milestone.
I’m moving house in a week, so all my nice clothes were packed away. I had to buy an outfit and shoes just for the occasion! Saleslady at J. Jill was wonderful and sympathetic. I may have to write a Tweet of praise.
The priest in attendance is young and kinda cute. Why, Toast, why.
I’m so sorry about losing your mom. My condolences. I hear you about buying clothes for funeral and related events. My kinfolk seem to die only when I am traveling. You found the key: enlist a salesperson to help you. I hope this weekend brings you some time to feel whatever you need to feel, at leisure. ::hugs::
I did a ton of shopping with my mom the week my dad died. We were doing it the days beforehand, when he was in hospital, and it just kinda spilled over, I guess. Thrifting, specifically. Just spending hours touching every individual garmet in the store.
I admire your fortitude in noting the cuteness of the priest.
And I am sending you an internet hug, if that’s acceptable.
How are people feeling about The Daily Show with Trevor Noah so far?
I am tentatively enjoying it. I have laughed out loud several times so that part is still on track. However, is anyone else as distracted as I am by Trevor Noah being so dang good looking? I am just not used to having this many pantsfeels while watching TDS (except of course when Paul Rudd was the guest.) Jon Stewart is of course very sexy in a brainy kind of way but this is different.
With you all the way. I am super-duper gay and still find myself swooning over those dimples. He is ridiculously handsome. And I think that so far he’s doing a great job, establishing where he is and is not like “dad,” and recreating the show well. Bought some rooibos tea in his honor this week.
I haven’t stopped eyerolling about his fat girl jokes long enough for pantsfeels or his show, but I have heard excellent things so if I saw it by accident, or were forced to during a kidnapping or whatever, I would give it a shot.
He’s adorable, but, as I mentioned earlier this week, he looks a lot like my little brother and that’s not quite a turn-on 😉
I love it so far! I may have been biased towards him a bit, since I enjoy his standup (and he is SO GOOD LOOKING), but I think he’s done a really good job. The Trump-as-African-president bit was particularly fantastic, and I hope he does more like that, without boxing him into a “Jon Stewart but African” role too much, of course. I loved Jon Stewart but I’m definitely optimistic.
And seriously, the man can wear a suit. And the smile and the dimples? Damn.
Veg? There is a wonderful book called Olive Trees and Honey, a compendium of Jewish vegetarian dishes from just about everywhere in the diaspora.
I lean more toward the Sephardic in my tastes, but for you knish lovers, the book contains a bevy of Ashkenaz recipes too. I’ve been enjoying the Georgian recipes in particular, although I always think of Stalin when I make them.
You had me at “knish lovers”…
Speaking of vegetarian dinners: any Toasties have good recommendations for a simple vegetarian AND gluten-free dinner? Alternatively, any favorite gluten-free dessert recipes?
This is barely a recipe, so it maybe doesn’t even count? But I’ve recently been sautéing some peaches in some oil (coconut oil is nice, since it makes it a bit sweeter), and then throwing in some walnuts and honey. It is the sort of dessert that feels fairly elegant in its simplicity, so I’m liking that.
I always seem to end up making a crumble/crisp; whatever fruit(s) you like, with a bit of cornstarch if they cook down very juicy and a bit of sugar if they’re very tart, go into a baking dish- for things that aren’t berries, chop them smallish (or grate apples) so they’ll cook more quickly. For the topping eyeball about 1/3 gluten-free flour (a commercial blend, or you could probably use all rice flour), 1/3 rolled oats, 1/3 brown sugar, and some cinnamon; look at the volume and add a bit more of each if it doesn’t look like it’s enough to make a half-inch layer covering the fruit. Rub in enough butter to make it breadcrumby texture, sprinkle gently over the fruit. Put it in the oven at a fairly hot temperature before you start eating the first course. Serve with cream, ice cream, plain yogurt, or pouring custard. And eat the leftovers for breakfast.
Black Bean Brownies Although use brown sugar instead of agave and add cinnamon. I can’t swear by that recipe but it’s one of the things I used when inventing chocolate black bean pie (which if you have a gluten free pie crust is amazing)
Enchiladas using corn tortillas? I must admit to being on an enchilada kick though.
It looks like I’ll be at work a little late because I need to upload some videos for a weekend ad campaign, and then set up the ads. Oh well. I’m listening to Hamilton Act 2 while I wait on the uploads 😀
quick domestic question to the Toastariat:
Anybody have any good tricks for removing tea stains from the inside of mugs?
Soap & hot water are just not cutting it anymore. (Also this is giving me new perspective on what my habits probably do to my teeth! Oh well.)
thanks for any suggestions!
I use bleach–fill the cup 3/4 full, bloop in the bleach, wait. I usually do all my cups and tea pots at once, then think vaguely that the volume of bleach water going down the drain is keeping my pipes free of ick. I might not be the most informed homeowner.
That sounds super scientific to me. You’re definitely probably doing it totally right.
Pour a teaspoon of salt into the mug and scrub with a damp but well wrung out cloth/paper towel. Works like a charm.
Baking soda also works.
Bleach. Possibly some combo of salt, lemon juice and white vinegar? I’ve found that works for most things.
I do the periodic bleach-bloop as a way to also sterilize my sponge, but another great way to go is Bon Ami powder. Doesn’t scratch, takes away absolutely crazy stains, and is cheap and environmentally friendly.
thank you all for these tips! I am going to probably try them all, starting with the one I definitely have ingredients for (salt scrub), and see how it goes.
Had been wanting to try Bon Ami for a while now, so that is good incentive too.
thanks!
bon ami is the best!
Denture tablets. Also great for removing coffee smell from travel mugs (and cleaning out insides of things you can’t reach with sponges). Very minimal effort.
Oh my god you just changed my life.
lemon juice + sea salt!
bleach or baking soda! a little bleach goes a long way, just fill the cup with hot water and add a boop of bleach. I think I have also used Lemi Shine before
Everyone else here knows all my tricks. Just popped in to say bleach is indeed good for your pipes, but not good for a septic system. If you’re not on a city sewer, be aware of how much bleach goes to your septic field. Unless you have 4 dozen stained mugs, this particular domestic chore is not using enough bleach to worry about.
my kids’ favorite teacher is having a baby (well, his wife is), and I have to knit the tiny things for it. But my kids only told me about the shower yesterday and it’s on monday…I’ll be knitting all weekend!!
Just watched the teen boy in the homecoming parade. Leaving in 10 minutes to watch him march (and dance with the flag corps) during halftime. College boy is coming home and I’m making him pumpkin crunch cake. Then we will pick up his thyroid meds tomorrow morning. His girlfriend is at her family’s house, so he has no incentive to stay at dad’s, so I”m looking forward to him being at my house for two nights in a row.
This month is going to be insane. between college and high school marching band, college wind symphony, homecoming at my alma mater, the college boy, a geography conference, a dance weekend, a karate seminar, college fair, and I’m supposed to set up and host a lacrosse workshop in the next two weeks. I think next friday I am supposed to be in 3 different cities. I’m still putting out one or two job apps a week. I’m goign to go to the geography conference next week (at my alma mater) and discreetly make inquiries about doing a part time phd. If I”m going to be broke I could at least be making progress on something.
I have my knitting mojo back, and I’m trying to settle into this house and let the anxiety about where to live or when I’ll get full time work not interfere with living my life. Ignoring the money issue. So here’s to whirlwind October, happy musicians, and cheap yarn.
Toasts! I still have barely any time to breathe, but one source of stress has been removed (or at least made less scary), so on the whole my week’s been all right. The weather in New York is perfectly foul right now, but at least we’re not supposed to be directly in the path of Hurricane Joaquin, so: yay? After Sandy, everyone here is more leery of hurricanes than they used to be. And Sandy was practically my welcome to New York, so I’m extra-leery.
In other news, I’m going to Shipwreck next week, and I’m looking forward to it a lot. Any NYC Toastrons planning to be there?
That sounds hysterical. I wish that the Bell House wasn’t so inconvenient to getting home at night (Morningside Heights) because I want to go to so many things there! But it’s hard on a work night.
I have no particular link, because for the life of me I cannot remember which website recipe I made, but look up ‘puff pastry tomato tart’ and you’ll see a bunch, one of which might leap out and say “Eat me!”. Don’t choose that one, it’s apparently sentient. But one of the others that remain silent could be very tasty.
Actually now I feel like I should make that again this weekend.
Also delish: tortilla pie (like this http://allrecipes.com/recipe/13890/seven-layer-to… I do not even care what it looks like in the end, it’s just a big smush of OMGYUM.
Newest favorite vegetarian thing is to use my little cone spiralizer to make a bunch of vegetable string, boil it in water for 1-2 minutes and add seaweed, miso, and green onion slivers for veggie noodle ramen. (I use carrots and would add tofu, but zucchini alone is great! As is no tofu!). I love ALL ramen, but this is nice for being hot and soupy but low in fat and carbs, which can then be credited toward your dessert.
Thank you! Good luck as well! Hopefully I’ll see good news from you on an open thread circa December/April.The number of standardized tests I took last year was beyond believable.
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
October 1, 2015
ROSEBURG, OR—In the hours following a violent rampage in southwestern Oregon… http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-prevent-sa…
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
June 17, 2015
CHARLESTON, SC—In the hours following a violent rampage in downtown Charleston… http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-prevent-sa…
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
May 27, 2014
ISLA VISTA, CA—In the days following a violent rampage in southern California… http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent…
I’ve commented as “Sasha” on here before, but haven’t posted much because I didn’t have a WordPress account. I have one now, though, because I’m trying to turn the essay editing I’ve been doing for friends and acquaintances into a small business. So now I can comment on Toast articles!
…And, as a side benefit, I now have the rudiments of a website for said editing business. Doubtless none of the Toast’s highly literate and literary devotees will require my services. But perhaps you know someone who might, at this application-heavy time of year. Since I’m just getting started, I would be interested in giving significantly reduced prices in exchange for brief testimonials or reviews that I could post on my site.
Thanks!
Veg entree and what I’m making during this hibernation weekend: Smitten Kitchen’s mushroom bourguignon is awesome…and you could leave the half carrot out 🙂
I am always like a day behind on these, but:
I finished up my full time job Wednesday and move to part time at the same place next Tuesday (barring unforeseen circumstances). Unfortunately I kind of couldn’t go to work Wednesday on account of I have stupidly sprained my foot quite severely and have been partially immobile for almost a week and sprained it further on Tuesday night, so I couldn’t walk to work. Ah, the joys of being a slow-healer and stupidly clumsy.
But! I am happy to be moving to part time. I’m doing school full time presently, and doing work full time + school full time + freelance part time has been a little… uh… much. I am hoping it works out. It’s a financial hit, but I don’t know how else to continue on without losing my mind.
Any suggestions on keeping to a good schedule when you are working part time?
Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. It's one thing to hear from a doctor that others have similar experiences, but it's another to read actual anecdotes from actual people. Makes it feel less made-up, you know?
Just emailed you. 🙂
I did end up making this for dinner on Sunday Night, and it was really tasty, fairly easy (it'll be easier when i've planned ahead, made a larger batch of dressing and have batches of pre-cooked rice in the freezer) and will be entering the normal rotation of yummy things to eat!!! Thanks for the suggestion!!
Anonymous asked:
Daveed Diggs is so beautiful when he’s not on stage and he’s also such a cutie pie as Lafayette but as Jefferson like he’s still hot but I get this…. like sort of disgusted feeling? Like he’s really hot but covered in an invisible oozy slime. (which is probably because Daveed is a great actor and is properly showing us Jefferson’s grossness but still its a weird sensation to be attracted to and grossed out by someone at the same time)
Answer:
Daveed digs is in the top 2 most beautiful people ive seen in my entire life. Hes gorgeous
nexttoaarontveit:
so I took screenshots of these videos
you should all watch them, they are awesome (and Daveed is a gift to the world)
Your Fave is Jewish: Daveed Diggs
pumpernickelandcoal:
So I haven’t seen anyone talking about this yet, but Daveed Diggs, talented rapper and actor– most well known as Thomas Jefferson and Marquis de Lafayette in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s blockbuster musical Hamilton– is a member of the tribe.
He told Broadway.com:
“I went to Hebrew school, but opted out of a bar mitzvah. My mom is a white Jewish lady and my dad is black. The cultures never seemed separate—I had a lot of mixed friends. When I was young, I identified with being Jewish, but I embraced my dad’s side too.”
According to the New York Post:
His parents met at a club where his mom was the DJ. (She later went back to school for a Ph.D in social welfare.) She was Jewish, he was African-American. “‘David’ means beloved in Hebrew,” he says. “They spelled it with two E’s because my dad liked the look of it.”
Growing up, he felt like a fish out of water. Not because he was biracial, but because he was “awkward and antisocial.”
Coincidentally, Lin-Manuel Miranda has spoken about going to school with and being friends with Jews as a kid, and the biographer who inspired and fact-checked Hamilton is also Jewish.
me: Btw, Hamilton wasn’t an anti-Semite even though he was a white Protestant (moreorless) in the 18th century. He went to a Jewish school as a child on Nevis; the Christian schools on the island wouldn’t allow him in because he was illegitimate. He learned to recite in Hebrew and everything. Also, he founded the New York Post.
Btw, this exists: <a href=”http://dailydaveeddiggs.tumblr.com” target=”_blank”>http://dailydaveeddiggs.tumblr.com
<img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/6f027cd79841e38d98ed199571b78e45/tumblr_nxiywq6lK81rucdoko1_400.png"><img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/ab2e7f48be711c01bbe560110ed02ab1/tumblr_nxiywq6lK81rucdoko2_400.jpg">
Anonymous asked:
Daveed Diggs is so beautiful when he's not on stage and he's also such a cutie pie as Lafayette but as Jefferson like he's still hot but I get this…. like sort of disgusted feeling? Like he's really hot but covered in an invisible oozy slime. (which is probably because Daveed is a great actor and is properly showing us Jefferson's grossness but still its a weird sensation to be attracted to and grossed out by someone at the same time)
Answer:
Daveed digs is in the top 2 most beautiful people ive seen in my entire life. Hes gorgeous
nexttoaarontveit:
so I took screenshots of these videos
you should all watch them, they are awesome (and Daveed is a gift to the world)<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/e09e62ca459c01a9431319cb429a383e/tumblr_ny2nyj3nNX1tstdw3o1_540.png"><img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/b564f6cf257d0498626f73d3c0d2439c/tumblr_ny2nyj3nNX1tstdw3o9_540.png"><img src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/1ac761d2cd7132b23723e7adea75a4d8/tumblr_ny2nyj3nNX1tstdw3o10_540.png">
<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/71ee4f3b7732c186948b640e8fd59841/tumblr_nxqo3gUnCL1uu2jzko1_540.jpg"><img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/688a3f68da9bedf9bf9e98c0936cf3cc/tumblr_nxqo3gUnCL1uu2jzko2_540.jpg">
Your Fave is Jewish: Daveed Diggs
pumpernickelandcoal:
So I haven’t seen anyone talking about this yet, but Daveed Diggs, talented rapper and actor– most well known as Thomas Jefferson and Marquis de Lafayette in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s blockbuster musical Hamilton– is a member of the tribe.
He told Broadway.com:
“I went to Hebrew school, but opted out of a bar mitzvah. My mom is a white Jewish lady and my dad is black. The cultures never seemed separate—I had a lot of mixed friends. When I was young, I identified with being Jewish, but I embraced my dad’s side too.”
According to the New York Post:
His parents met at a club where his mom was the DJ. (She later went back to school for a Ph.D in social welfare.) She was Jewish, he was African-American. “‘David’ means beloved in Hebrew,” he says. “They spelled it with two E’s because my dad liked the look of it.”
Growing up, he felt like a fish out of water. Not because he was biracial, but because he was “awkward and antisocial.”
Coincidentally, Lin-Manuel Miranda has spoken about going to school with and being friends with Jews as a kid, and the biographer who inspired and fact-checked Hamilton is also Jewish.
me: Btw, Hamilton wasn't an anti-Semite even though he was a white Protestant (moreorless) in the 18th century. He went to a Jewish school as a child on Nevis; the Christian schools on the island wouldn't allow him in because he was illegitimate. He learned to recite in Hebrew and everything. Also, he founded the New York Post.
<img src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/7295cf44cd2b205b7587b05a392f91c0/tumblr_nxbkj6X3Ch1qbfcjuo1_1280.jpg">
Btw, this exists: <a href="http://dailydaveeddiggs.tumblr.com” target=”_blank”>http://dailydaveeddiggs.tumblr.com