Sometimes the best dinner is burnt cheese on toast (!) and some cold cuts (basturma, for the curious). It’s been a WEEK. Filled with disaster but also incredible generosity and love. So sending good vibes to all and especially those of you who feel a bit distressed and despairing. Open-thread!
dear toasters, I was laid off from my shitty job this week. please send gifs of small mammals
*hugs* to you dear. Losing a job always sucks, even if the job was shit to start with.
I am very sorry about your laying off, but happy for you that you no longer have a shitty job…
This is the beagle I want to adopt!!! http://beaglemaryland.org/brsm_ms/vIndividualCurr…
We will see if he is still available when I am ready (post-Thanksgiving)…
Sorry, don’t know how to post pictures in the comments.
Sorry I’m one of the GIF-incapable, but my sympathies on your layoff. Eventually it will be a relief to have lost something shitty, but I know at first it’s only even more shitty, so go look at the puller dog puppy in the Link Roundup comments until the GIF people can hook you up.
I offer this naked mole rat.
I’m so conflicted. On the one hand, I hate everything about it, but on the other hand, I want it to snuggle my palms.
That sucks, I’m sorry. 🙁 Here are some pugs riding a little scooter
I have no gif game but endless sympathy and hopes you’ll find something non-shitty very soon.
This is item #1 in my “for a shitty day” bookmarks folder.
http://calmingmanatee.com
I am sending you a big old e-hug and lots of good vibes. Take care of yourself this weekend, and you’ll be back at it in no time 🙂
This is you running towards not shitty jobs and an awesome future
Is that…a baby wombat???
HELL YES IT IS
Dear god, if this comment had been in response to me I would be sobbing like a baby right now.
In fact, I might do that anyway.
Losing a job sucks. I’m so sorry, Bunburying. The next job won’t be shitty. And you’ll get it soon. ::hugs::
I’m so sorry. Here’s Koko and a kitten.
It sucks to lose even shitty jobs 🙁
Here is a raccoon trying to coax his brother out of a very dangerous swimming pool:
Aww, that stinks. It’s not a small mammal, but I’ve been giggling at this for a while now:
Seal of approval! http://cuteoverload.com/2010/08/18/seal-of-approv…
I am sorry 🙁 these puppies love you and wish you the best! http://i.imgur.com/zwK7XG6.gifv
*hugs* you will find an awesome new job and meanwhile collect that sweet sweet government unemployment insurance though.
HUGS.
Being out of work is a good time to take care of yourself fulltime and scout out things you might like to do on your next job. For now, though, you might just want to watch TV and take hot baths. Coffeeshops and libraries are good hangouts.
Aw, I’m really sorry. I’m glad you don’t have to go to your shitty job anymore, but boo at unemployment. Can you access welfare pretty quickly? If so, then give yourself a week or so ‘off’, as a holiday: you deserve it for having to put up with the horrible job.
Big local news roundup today.
First off, in fairly triumphant news: I have kicked Dirtbag Ethics Professor’s class to the curb and dropped it entirely after his histrionics when I had trouble accessing his online quizzes. I’m almost thirty damn years old. I don’t have time to put up with being talked over or talked down to. As Beyoncé says, I’m a grown woman. I can do whatever I want.
In more tragic news, (speaking of disastrous weeks…) two nights ago the family farm suffered what is now being called the Great Turkey Massacre of 2015. Out of a dozen turkeys, five remain. That’s roughly 140 lbs of meat gone. If anyone wants to get me something for my upcoming birthday, a coyote &/or bearskin coat will do nicely.
Ugh, losing turkeys is the worst! How did the predator get them??
Glad you dumped the class but slightly disappointed that we will no longer be able to gnash our teeth over his idiocy.
The electricity for the fence went down in the night. Beyond that details are murky. I’m still too pissed to fully process the full, horrifying, bloody situation.
But I’m highly considering making a ‘shit Brian Glenney says’ twitter or blog. Oh, did I just broadcast his name to the online world? My bad.
That googling was rewarding. He looks exactly as I have been imagining him.
His website makes me even more stabby towards him: ‘I play at art’
OH MY GOD THE PHOTO OF HIM WRITING BY A “NO WRITING” SIGN
WHAT A REBEL
Oh no I approve of something he’s worked on (the new accessible icon)
tell yourself he’s taking credit for it but just sat in on committee meetings nodding and pretending to take notes!
I’m fairly sure that’s how it actually went down.
If you’re gonna do that, though, you might want to delete this post so it can’t be traced back to you (unless you have no fucks)
My answer. (The disney gif version.)
“considering making a ‘shit Brian Glenney says’ twitter or blog”
Do it! Sorry about your turkeys.
I can think of no better way to honor their memory.
Oh no. He went to my alma mater.
Ruining otherwise normal and beautiful things by association is what he does best.
This entire comment was my reaction.
You definitely made the sanest choice for yourself in dropping the class, but I’ll miss your posts from the frontlines of Douchebag Academia.
Also, we had our own Great Chicken Massacre of 2013, so you have my sympathies.
At first I was all
And then I was
I’m so sorry to hear about your lost turkeys. That’s horrible.
It really put a damper on my week. Your sympathy gifs are appreciated.
Life is too short to put up with that shit. Glad you dumped the class.
That’s so upsetting about the turkeys. Not just from a financial point of view, but seeing your birds killed like that, it just breaks your heart 🙁 You guys are in my thoughts.
toasties: give me your skincare recommendations!
night cream! eye cream! masks! which ones do you like and what the hell do they do?
some background: i’m 27, with pretty fair, pretty sensitive combination skin that, while it’s usually clear, i’d say is breakout-prone, or at least reaction-prone. for the past decade, i’ve had the same routine: cetaphil daily wash for normal/oily skin morning and night, and cetaphil daily moisturizer with spf 15 in the morning. so far, it’s done me fine.
but lately, my skin just feels kind of…lackluster. i feel like it could be brighter, or smoother, or have better tone, or whatever you call it. but i have no idea what to put on it to make that happen! i don’t have a huge budget but i’m willing to hear all recommendations!
Sephora brand serums! Put them on after you wash your face and before your moisturizer. Lovely and cheaper than the fancy ones, and if you try it once and your skin breaks out, you can return it. I also like the Clinique moisture surge overnight mask–it seems to help.
thanks for the recommendation! i’ve had good luck with sephora eyeliners and lipsticks, so why not their skincare? plus they’re super good about returns.
Philosophy brand scrubs/micropeels. Only thing that makes my giant pores feel smooth for at least a while.
thanks for the recommendation! i definitely should work some kind of exfoliation into my routine.
If you use Biore pore strips, they work soooo much better if you’ve hardcore exfoliated first.
If your complexion is dull or lackluster, it sounds like you might need some exfoliation in your routine! I rotate between 3 chemical exfoliants (and take a couple of days off every week so my skin doesn’t get over-exfoliated) – an alpha hydroxy acid one, a beta hydroxy acid one and a prescription-only retinol cream.
I’m not the biggest fan of Paula’s Choice but this page is pretty informative: http://www.paulaschoice.com/expert-advice/anti-ag…
thanks for the info! i definitely don’t exfoliate as much as i should. every time i do it, my face feels great but i always forget to, for some reason.
I like the glycolic lotion from Alpha Hydrox, which is a really affordable brand. I use it a few times a week, and twice a week use the Clearasil wash and mask (as a wash) for in pore cleaning. I’m also loving the Makeup Eraser, which is a pink (or black) towel that removes all the makeup and dirt from your face with warm water. It has a cleaning side and an exfoliating side, and is machine washable. I use it to clean my face every night, and use the exfoliating side to clean my face in the morning before moisturizer.
http://www.amazon.com/Clearasil-Ultra-Acne-Marks-…
http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp…
http://www.sephora.com/the-original-makeup-eraser…
thanks for the links! i’m definitely going to check out AHA exfoliation.
Makeup Artists Choice (http://www.makeupartistschoice.com/) has great peels for much less money than name brands.
Can I ask why you’re not a Paula’s Choice fan?
I used her products for years but now I only use the benzoyl peroxide Clear stuff. I stopped because it felt like the products just weren’t doing anything, anymore. It’s been about six months since I stopped everything but Clear on my nose and chin and honestly I haven’t noticed any difference.
The Paula’s Choice products I’ve tried (the Vitamin C serum, 8% AHA gel and some foil samples of moisturizers) have been pretty great. But I have issues with PC positioning itself as an impartial, no-bullshit reviewer of beauty products (via the Beautypedia part of the company) when their agenda is clearly to promote their own products by shit-talking the competition.
Virtually every skincare product and foundation reviewed in Beautypedia gets reamed for not having enough SPF and antioxidants. Antioxidants are great but that doesn’t mean I want them in every single product I use. Sun protection is important, but I don’t need an SPF 50 foundation when I’m applying it sparingly over a generous layer of SPF 50 sunscreen.
A lot of the reviews are inconsistent, unhelpful and sometimes just plain odd.
One product will get 1 star out of 4 for containing artificial fragrances or natural oils which are potential irritants, even though the review acknowledges the amount is so low it probably won’t cause even the most sensitive skin to react. Another product with the same ingredient will get a better review, with an acknowledgement that it does contain a potential irritant, but in such a low quantity that there’s no need to worry.
One review for face pads soaked in AHA got a bad review alleging that the ph level and concentration of the AHA weren’t in the range necessary to achieve results. The review acknowledged that they had asked the company for this info and gotten a reply indicating that the ph and % WERE in the proper range, but PC just didn’t believe it. There was no explanation of the scepticism – did they have the product lab-tested and gotten different results? Does this company have a reputation for lying about its formulation? No idea! Just the strangely insistent claim that it was unlikely that that was the real ph level/concentration.
I also remember 2 reviews for virtually identical Chanel foundations, both SPF 15. One got 1 or 2 stars even though the review acknowledged that the product performed virtually flawlessly, because the SPF wasn’t high enough. The other foundation got a much higher mark along with a caveat that the SPF wasn’t super high so make sure to wear it over sunscreen.
Also, to go back to actual PC products – the last time I ordered from them, they put the wrong apartment on my package (I’d supplied the correct one). When I emailed them to ask why the tracking info listed my order as “Verify recipient’s address” I got this snide reply saying that they can’t alter an address on a package that’s already been shipped. No, but you can damn well put the right address on before you ship it! I’m still pissed about that.
Ah! Yeah, I never paid much heed to their reviews. The idea that they’re impartial while selling their own products is just laughable. Mmmhmmm because riiiiight, that’s how capitalism works.
That’s some shitty customer service on your shipping issue. Boo.
Do you use a toner? I like the rose petal and witch hazel one you can get at natural food stores. Makes my (crappy) skin feel nice and refreshed!
what is a toner supposed to do? is it like, an extra…cleansing step? do i do it after washing but before moisturizing?
Yeah, exactly. Or as a pick me up if you’re not wearing make up. It’s supposed to balance your skin, and give a bit of exfoliating. This is the one I use http://www.makeupalley.com/product/showreview.asp…
thanks for the rec! i could definitely use a pick-me-up, haha.
I have 2 toners! One is the Thayer’s Rose Water one. I use it after washing to make sure that I’ve gotten any residues of cleanser off my face (sometimes there are also stubborn traces of makeup that someone survived my face wipe and foaming cleanser). The second goes on after my exfoliant. It has palm oil in it so it’s slightly moisturizing. Apparently hydrating toners make your skin more “receptive” to whatever more hardcore moisturizers or treatments you use afterwards. I’m not sure this is true but my face likes the hydrating toner so I’m sticking with it for now.
i had to try many different products over the years before i found the texture and effects i wanted. i tend to like a really moisturizing night cream that keeps my skin dewey till morning, and a day cream that is nourishing but also works well with mineral makeup.
what i use now is a few mario badescu products [complex moisturizer w vitamin e spf 20 for day, protein night cream, and special eye cream “v” for day or night]. they also have every level of toner, and i like their grapefruit aha toner. as far as masks, i’ve tried a bunch and almost don’t think it matters as long as you get some nice clay time. right now i’m using MB orange mask, which very nice. but i’m old! and MB products will run you about $20 each. they mostly sell online, though i have seen a selection at ulta if you want to feel them.
if you’re looking for stuff you can find at the drugstore, i have liked eye creams and night creams from garnier and aveeno.
if you’re into diy, i did a stint of oil cleansing method and i really liked that too. if you google about it, you’ll see how to make it and adjust for your skin. i always put avocado and coconut in addition to the olive and castor. to get more of a scrub, i shook a bit of fine salt on my oily hands and massaged it over my face. there’s no real reason i don’t do this anymore, i’m just out of the habit.
thanks for the recommendations! i’m intrigued by oil cleansing but i have to admit, it scares me!
I just use coconut oil and rarely wash my face. I use it for cleanser and everything (Although I rarely wear make up so not much to cleanse)
And La Roche Posey has a break-out corrector cream that is amazing, no idea what its called, and its £££, but it lasts for ever (SeriouslyI’ve had a tube for about 4 years.) and works miracles.
isn’t coconut oil moderately comedogenic? how does it not break you out?? this is why oil cleansing is a mystery to me, haha. thank you for the recommendations!
oil cleansing actually helps dissolve the oil that clogs your skin. when i did it, i noticed that any clogging was easily extracted and overall prevented. but for me, after years of trying everything to prevent breakouts, i went mostly off sugar and that changed everything.
ugh sugar is my weakness. although right now i actually have a bet with a coworker to see how long i can do without visiting the candy bowl.
That is a big word I do not know the meaning of.
I only heard that coconut oil breaks you out after I’d been using it as moisturizer for months. I go through phases I think, it might be related to the oil, but I get pimples on my hairline a bit, and a few around the face occasionally. I’ve always had pretty clear skin spot-wise (colour wise not so much, hello big red cheeks and nose.) and I haven’t noticed a massive difference, but if I do get a spot that’s was the magic spot cream is for! It dries them out and bring a head up really quickly so you can pop it. (I have terrible skin care habits fyi. I constantly pick spots and never wash my face unless I’m in the shower.)
I just love the feeling of it, I used it all over my body. Most moisturizers are too chemically for me, I can smell them, or they’re too thick or just plain don’t work. I was using cocoa butter for years and I liked it, but I prefer oil. I tend to put it on in the morning, when I get home from work, and probably before bed again too.
I’d say give oil cleansing a go, I find it cuts straight through make up and doesn’t leave my face raw like most cleansers (I have sensitive skin, make up wipes and most face products kill me.) and its much cheaper than anything else on the market!
Effaclar Duo! It seems to be way cheaper in the UK than it is here in the US (a tube is about $36 or $37 USD via Ulta or Dermstore, but it works out to circa $20 USD on Feel Unique). Not to mention the US formula is different from what you all have. I think our version is more of a spot treatment while the EU version can be used all over the face?
Yes!!
Not for all over the face though!!!! Tried it and ow. It wasn’t good!
I’ve never actually bought it, I won a la roche gift bag years ago that had a little tube of ‘spot corrector cream’ in it, it was a better version of the effaclar duo but I’ve never been able to find it again, that tube lasted me about two years and I actually cried when it ran out! Then I knicked a tube of effaclar duo of mother and I’ve been using that for about 3 years and there’s still loads left! It’s a wonder product, I’m not looking forward to buying my own, but I will in a heartbeat, totally worth the price!
There’s also Effaclar K, I believe, that serves a similar/the same purpose. Maybe it was that?
Maybe! I’ll have to do some research!
This has changed my dang life. I have somewhat breakout-y skin and have also struggled my entire adult life with blocked pores. Over the summer I started using a little of this before bed and my skin is visibly clearer and smoother. Basically anything with an alpha-hydroxy acid (glycolic acid, lactic acid, mandelic acid, etc.) is supposed to help with turnover of dead skin cells and making your skin firmer. (If you do try it, there might be some slight irritation as your skin gets used to it, and also make sure to use sunscreen because it can make you burn more easily. But yeah, highly highly recommend.)
thanks for the recommendation! this looks promising.
Sephora is very generous with their samples, so I would recommend asking someone there and walking away with free samples of expensive things (Sunday Riley!) and trying those out, if you want to see if things make an immediate difference.
I personally recommend First Aid Beauty, which makes cheap-ish products that do exactly what they say. I’ve just finished a year of 3 combined acne meds, and would use their Ultra Repair Cream whenever I could and it WORKS. So does their oatmeal mask, and I bet anything else they make.
Thirdly, there is only so much skincare can do, and if you want to look immediately perkier, I recommend blush and tinted moisturizer.
Follow up, as I am also on many acne meds – what did the repair cream do? I feel like I have to use teh acne meds to keep my face at all okay, but also my skin is just peeling off pretty often.
How long have you been using it? For the first couple weeks, I had a day med, night med and antibiotics. Day & night were supposed to be used 3-5 times a week, which meant that for about 3 months my skin was peeling off. What helped was:
Changing cleansers to the most gentle ones possible
Eating avocados/olive oil/all the things that are good for skin, & drinking lots of water
FAB Oatmeal Rescue mask (or something like that) that I could stick on for 20 minutes if I felt like my face was going to burn off.
ALSO I have realised, and will share with you: If you’re using a Retinal cream, you want to make sure your face stays completely dry, otherwise it will just be awful and peely and not helping. So, wait so your skin is completely dry, yes, but also know that your eyes water a bit during the night, and it also helps to put a moisturizer around them to stop them from getting gross.
On days/nights when I wasn’t using the medication:
Korres overnight sleeping mask, which is super expensive but you do wake up looking better the next morning
FAB Ultra repair cream for the day, and for any night I didn’t want to do the Korres
I’ve been using a few things for about a year. The peeling is mainly under control right now, but does flair up occasionally. I’m going to double check I’m drying well enough.
Which Korres mask were you using?
This one! http://www.sephora.com/greek-yoghurt-advanced-nou…
It is stupidly expensive, but it does work.
How did you find your medication worked overtime? I’m still getting so brutal hormone cysts, and I wonder if a topical will ever be able to touch them.
Mine worked immediately, really. I was told that it would take six weeks to see how it was working, and my skin was noticeably better within two weeks. But I didn’t have cystic acne, I don’t think, so topical stuff plus a month of antibiotics cleared most of it up. I just saw my dermatologist, and she took me off of everything but tretinoin to use a few nights a week.
thanks for the recommendation! i’m a fan of products that are named after what they actually do, haha.
i don’t wear much makeup, but my daily routine is basically primer on my tzone and blush. without blush, i look kind of all one shade of pale with freckles, haha.
In which case, and if you were okay with a bit more makeup, I’d go spend a bit on tinted moisturizer– I think Laura Mercier is supposed to be the best, but I have a Nars one that I like.
I love Ren’s eye gel. I get those little white bumps around my eye area really easy if I use a rich moisturiser or eye cream, but I found that one absorbs really well and doesn’t cause them. I also have very oily/breakout prone skin and like their AHA night serum – it lasts for ages as you just use 5 drops a night, and I think the idea is that the acid in it gets rid of dead skin. I’ve found that a couple of months’ use has really gotten rid of a lot of gross chin bumps and I definitely get fewer chin spots that I used to get, I think as a result of clogged dead skin in the pores.
thanks for the recommendations! i’m seeing a lot of people talking about AHA exfoliation, it sounds like the way to go.
Reddit skincare forum, linked above, has an extensive posting on AHA vs BHA chemical exfoliation and different types of both. Before you buy anything, I recommend you read it! Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/commen…
thanks for the link!
I do a mask with St. Ives Oatmeal Scrub/Mask every other day. It’s an exfoliant, but a very gentle one, and I find the oatmeal makes my skin look bright and keeps it less-oily for a day or two.
thanks for the recommendation! i know oatmeal is supposed to be calming, so this looks promising for my finnicky skin.
You could even DIY it — yogurt, oatmeal, maybe a little honey, and there you go!
I would heavily recommend this blog: http://www.carolinehirons.com/. She took my shitty fume infested skin and turned it into a glowy miracle (albeit one that occasionally has spots…) And she has cheat sheets on everything and anything that needs fixing.
CAROLINE IS QUEEN
thanks for the link! even glowy miracles sometimes have spots 🙂
Salicylic acid lotion at the proper pH for exfoliation. Paula’s choice is good about pH.
thanks for the rec! it sounds like the big step i’m missing in my routine is exfoliation.
Hi! I use baking soda as an exfoliator on my face, I keep a container in my shower and it is awesome. And I am not a crunchy person but this just works the best for me and my sensitive skin. I follow up with a moisturizer, I use cerave with spf 30 in the morning and in the evening the Cerave in the white tub w/o SPF. Both available at CVS.
Also, after saying I’m not crunchy (I’m not!) I also make a drink for myself each morning that I call the pretty skin drink – handful of spinach, one clementine, a stalk of celery, whir it in my vitamixer. I don’t know if it is the vitamin c or chlorophyll but it makes me glowy.
Love beauty threads!
i’ve heard good things about cerave as an alternative to cetaphil (which i use and like, but obviously there’s always room for improvement) so i’ll check it out! the “pretty skin drink” also sounds pretty darn tasty!
I use a variety of different soaps (whatever I get in my Birchbox), a konjac sponge (10000000000000% recommend, if only for the sensation of rubbing a small cartoon sea animal on your face), Thayer’s rosewater toner (in a spray bottle), Benton’s Snail Bee essence , pure argan oil on my eye area, and Lush’s Cosmetic Lad overtop of everything. I am super oily, so I used to use lots & lots of oil-cutting products, only to feel very tight and…crack-y? on my face and still end up an oil slick partway through the day. I switched to a more hydrating routine after doing some internet research. I still get shiny throughout the day, but it’s markedly less, plus my skin looks healthier than it ever has. Plus, it’s nice to wake up feeling plump and fresh, not all drum-tight and horrible.
thanks for the recommendations! especially “the sensation of rubbing a small cartoon sea animal on your face”—this sounds A+++
They’re the best! Super squishy & they always feel very ~luxe~.
Benton’s Snail Bee Essence is like, my holy grail. So fragrance-free and so soothing. Holy grail for me, jammed packed with goodies like niacinamide and snail stuff.
Do I sense a fellow r/AsianBeauty and Toastie here?
It’s the best! I bought it after using a snail bee under-eye mask because I loved the results so much. I don’t do r/AsianBeauty, but I spend a good amount of time on XOVain, and lots of people in that community are r/AsianBeauty people, so I’m probably getting a lot of that same stuff, second-hand.
The Queen Helene Mint Julep Masque that you see at the drugstore for like, twenty-nine cents, is the best thing ever for making your skin look like a million bucks. Plus when you put it on, you feel like a fancy lady in a movie.
i used to have that when i was a teenager! i’ll check it out again…
quick fyi: if your skin is pretty sensitive the queen helene mask may be too harsh. it makes me break out 🙁
ooh yeah. spot tests are important, haha.
I can also recommend using an acid of some kind! Paula’s Choice BHA liquid exfoliant works well for me, I pat it on after washing my face and before moisturizing, and it’s helped clear up blackheads and general dullness without making me red or flaky.
South Korean skincare is an interesting/expensive rabbit hole to fall down. Skin and Tonics has good introductions and reviews, and I’ve been buying from Soko Glam. I’m not quite at the 10-step skincare routine, but I like Benton Snail Bee High Content toner (not vegan but probably not bee torture?) and Missha Time Revolution Night Repair serum.
thanks for the recommendations!
The Benton Snail Bee sheet masks are NO JOKE. I had an angry red zit on my chin, used a sheet mask, and when I took it off it took me a second to locate the zit because the redness had just disappeared. (It did come back eventually, I don’t want to make it sound like some miracle product that will fix your face, pay your student loans and teach your children math, but I was very impressed.) I just got the Snail Bee Essence a few days ago and so far it’s been working well!
I love how packed they are with ~potent stuff vs some other sheet masks, which are basically butylene glycol and glycerin with a few extracts thrown in.
So I’m not sure if this is within your budget, but Pocketderm has done wonders for my very similar sounding skin. Its a subscription for $20 a month and they send you your own personal blend of medication based on photos/descriptions of your skin issues. I’ve been using the azealic acid/tretinoin/antibiotic cream they prescribed for the past year and it has pretty much eliminated all of my breakouts, even the nasty painful under-the skin ones I would get around my period.
this is super intriguing! thanks for the recommendation!
I use Pond’s cold cream as a combination cleanser-moisturizer (wet face, apply cream, let sit, wipe with towel or washcloth) when I shower and before bed when I remember. I have weirdly low-maintenance skin, though. In my younger and oilier days, I used witch hazel as a toner, which cut the oiliness without drying my skin out, and is super cheap.
the simpler, the better, sometimes! thanks for the recommendation!
Yeahhhhhh buddy! Skin care threads are my dang jam.
So: I have fair skin, very sensitive, prone to hormonal acne. This is my current routine (which I really like):
Cleanser: Neutrogena Naturals Purifying Cleanser. I’ve only been using this for three weeks but I like it so far. Cleanser isn’t super important because it spends the least amount of time on your face, but it should be gentle. Here’s a nice list of drug store options: https://intothegloss.com/2015/01/best-drugstore-f…. I use Acure’s Brightening Facial Scrub as an exfoliator, which is AWESOME, cheap, and has been called a dupe for ExfoliKate which is $$$.
Toner: I use rose water + glycerin as a toner. It’s by Heritage Products and I really like it. I want to try Pixi Glow Tonic once I run out because I’ve heard it’s amazzzzzing.
Serum: I use straight up rosehip seed oil as a serum and I love, love, love it. It contains tretinoin, which is a vitamin A acid that retinol converts to, so it acts (imo of course) as an all-natural retinol which are notoriously harsh but also total wonder workers. In order to see the effects of rosehip seed oil (clearer skin, better tone, better moisturized skin, skins looks plump and fresh), you’ll have to use it for at least 6-8 weeks. If you decide to go down this route (you totally should!!!!!) make sure you’re buying good stuff. I use Life Flo Health which is pretty cheap and does the trick.
Moisturizer: During the day I use Embryolisse Lait Creme Concentrate, which is AMAZING and everyone should use it. Moisturizes really well, and just makes my skin glow. It’s a bit heavier, so I only use it during the colder months. During the summer I use CeraVe’s AM moisturizer with sunscreen, which is the only combo moistruizer/sunscreen I’ve found that doesn’t break me out. At night I use Avene Skin Recovery Cream which is pretty heavy duty but moisturizes so well and my skin just drinks it up. Dry spots are gone in one night when I use this stuff.
Masks: Masks are the best, but my skin is sensitive enough that I need to be pretty picky about which ones I use. My OGs are REN’s Glycol Lactic Radiance Renewal Mask which is $$$ but totally worth the money IMO; Freeman’s Charcoal & Black Sugar Facial Polishing Mask which is cheap and does a great job of exofoliating/getting that gunk out; and Glossier’s Moisturizing Moon Mask which is calming and moisturizing and wonderful. I also use random sheet masks I get from Chinatown whenever I go down there, which are fine but none have been so amazing that I need to buy a bunch.
The trick is to find things that work for your skin, so there will be some trial and error. Check out Caroline Hirons’ blog, http://www.carolinehirons.com/. She is an amazing facialist who does great reviews and has amazing skin. If she says it’s good, it’s usually worth your money.
thanks for all these in-depth recommendations and links!
Oh man I LOVE Acure products. I have thick, curly hair and their argan conditioner is as good as Deva Curl for like, half the price.
Acure is BOMB–high quality products on a Target budget! Will have to try their shampoos next time I’m out.
Oh, I’m so late, I hope you’re still checking replies, because the Benefit “It’s Potent” eye cream is soooooo goood! https://www.benefitcosmetics.com/product/view/its…
It’s not cheap, but a jar lasts me well over a year. I use it every day and I have gone from having dry, dark-circles-y skin under my eyes to… not. It really seems to brighten my skin, and it’s amazing what a difference using a daily eye cream makes. I also have fair, sensitive skin, but of course YMMV, so see if you can get a sample.
I recently tried the Cetaphil for oily skin and I swear to god, it smelled like LYSOL. The old kind that comes in big yellow aerosol cans. It smelled so strong my boyfriend could smell it and it clung for HOURS. Does the smell bother you or am I a weirdo?
So, back to the normal Cetaphil cleanser for me.
A lot of people are recommending using an AHA to exfoliate, and I just want to yell out some advice I got from hard experience:
1. Don’t leap right into it!! I know when you buy a bottle and it’s so shiny and lovely and all these Internet People have told you it’s glowy skin in a bottle and you can’t wait to slather it aaaaall on your face all day every day and DO! NOT! DO! THIS! If you’ve ever only used cetaphil, ease into the acid! Let your skin relax into it. First, patch test. You are a scientist and your body is a beautiful jaguar whom you’ve just released into the jungle and you’re not sure if life in the wild is cool with your precious baby jaguar. If patch test is good, then build up your skin’s resistance by using it about 2 or 3x a week first, for about two weeks. If everything’s fine, maybe go up a day or two.
2. Alternate weeks with hydrating serums. This is just me, actually, but I like to use a week of acid exfoliation, then a week of pampering with hydrating serums. My theory is that you need to let the new skin cells underneath the dead ones chill out a little, then kill them mercilessly as they outgrow their usefulness (i.e exfoliate again in a week)
3. USE SUNSCREEN. AHAs make your skin really sensitive to the sun! Cannot emphasize this enough. Wearing sunscreen now, even a cheap $ drugstore one, is worth like ten $$$ anti-aging creams/treatments/facials etc. down the line. Wear sunscreen, everyone.
yesss, haha. this is all good advice. with my sensitive skin, i am well-versed in patch-testing (and with sunscreen. i burn crazy easily). i’m not familiar with hydrating serums, though. i’m kind of scared to put something that rich on my skin. do you have any recommendations?
it’s all up to what your skin likes. I’m the most familiar with Asian beauty brands, but I would recommend picking between:
– plain old facial oils: Cetaphil ‘s moisturising cream as a bit of almond oil in it, and the SPF 15 doesn’t. But if you’ve ever tried the moisturizing cream and it didn’t break you out, then you’re probably okay with almond oil. If not, rosehip, safflower, and grapeseed are all high linoleic (ie. oils that are less likely to cause acne). You know that scene in Fast and Furious, where they put nitrous oxide in the gas tanks to boost the engine? That what adding a few drops of oil to my night time moisturiser is like. The results are so gratifying and immediate, and you look super-glowy the next morning. I personally use rosehip, but almond is cheaper and it’s in a TON of stuff, because most people have no problem with it. But again, patch test if you’re worried!
– Hada-Labo Gokujyun Super Hyaluronic Acid Lotion: it’s available on Amazon or at Walgreens. Really short ingredient list, great at providing a layer of light, watery moisture that plumps up skin without being heavy. Not a serum technically, but still very moisturising.
– SCINIC Honey All in One Ampoule: reddit’s r/AsianBeauty raves about this a lot. Water, glycerin, niacinamide, plant extracts. It’s like $18 for 250mL, and free shipping from the site Jolse. I haven’t tried it, but it looks promising. Another beauty blogger talks about it more in depth here: <a href=”http://www.holysnails.com/2015/07/scinic-honey-all-in-on…” target=”_blank”> <a href=”http://www.holysnails.com/2015/07/scinic-honey-all-in-on…” target=”_blank”>www.holysnails.com/2015/07/scinic-honey-all-in-on…
Good luck, and remember that anything above $70-ish for one product is probably too much. Some expensive brands are totally worth it, but a lot of other stuff is just fancy packaging and fragrance. Also – Sephora employees are hit and miss when it comes to skincare, but they will always make you a sample if you want to try anything out.
thanks for the info! i never thought of just adding a little bit of oil to a moisturizer i already like, but i may go that route!
Books! How I love books!
I’m more than half on The Name of the Wind and still struggling with big enough blocks of free time to get through the paper copy of Red Mars. What are you reading lately, Toasties?
Just started Olive Kitteredge, and I like it but am going very, very slowly.
I loved Olive Kitteridge. One of my favorites from the past couple years for sure.
I just finished Cutting for Stone which was technically quite good, but relentlessly gloomy. (And with one exception, everyone in the book who had sex had bad things happen to them which made me give the book feminist side-eye.) I’m now making my way through Furiously Happy by The Bloggess, Jenny Lawson, and it is equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking. I just finished her chapter on self-harm last night and it made my whole heart ache.
oof, I have Cutting for Stone on my shelf and I am soooo reluctant to start it, there are soooo many light and fluffy books I could read instead…
I read it only because it was the next choice for my book club, and I admit it was a tough read, especially for the first 250 pages or so (the first 125 are especially killer). But, I will say that I did keep going and even though I would think about the book when I wasn’t reading it. It is a book that has stuck with me and as painful as parts were to read, and as much as I yelled at the book while reading it (usually “OH COME ON” and “REALLY?!”), I’m looking forward to discussing it next weekend and then selling it to the local used bookshop. (I will say that most of the medical bits were pretty interesting, especially since the author is a doctor so the facts are good in those cases.)
I say give it a try, and if after the first 200 pages you’re still noping out on it, put it down, pick up something wonderfully fluffy, and feel not a bit guilty about it.
Hey, my book club just read Cutting for Stone, too! It’s one of the few books we’ve done since I joined that I haven’t finished. I made it almost to that 200-page mark and just couldn’t anymore. Happily, the things everyone else said about it at our meeting made me feel okay about my choices.
I saw a bunch of my fellow book club members at a picnic last week and all but two people apparently HATED it at that point. I was so close to finished I forced myself to get to the end. I think you made the exact right choice.
Jenny Lawson is wonderful! I think her blog is very Toast-friendly. I can’t wait to read her book.
I love Jenny and her blog so very dearly! Whenever I feel like the world is a terrible place filled with awful people I go to The Toast (of course) and I go to her blog, and I remember that there is plenty of good and lots to smile about. I loved Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, and Furiously Happy is just as good, albeit in a different way.
I’m still in my historical fiction… obsession? What’s a word for being in a ‘rut’ only one you’re happy about? Haha!
Anyway I just finished The Night Circus, and before that I read I Capture the Castle. Today at lunch I’m starting Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant. All three were recommended by Toasties on LAST week’s Open Thread, hah!
i read the new margaret atwood, the heart goes last, last weekend. it was a page-turner, and pretty freaky, but left me weirdly disappointed.
I’m in the middle of reading The Handmaid’s Tale. Holy fuck, it’s the most disturbing dystopian future I’ve ever read. Oh my god, it’s so good, but the world she builds makes my blood boil with a combination of rage and fear more acute than any I ever got from reading Brave New World or 1984, for example.
Weird side note: when I was about fifteen, before I had ever read anything by Margaret Atwood, I would tune my clock radio to the NPR station and set it to wake me up at 5 AM. For a span of about two weeks, they would broadcast a radio play based on The Handmaid’s Tale that BBC radio apparently produced (maybe one among a number of radio plays based on works of literature? I’m not sure). Anyway, I mainly remember lying in bed early in the morning and, in a half-awake state of confusion, hearing bits about having to squirrel away margarine and use it as moisturizer, and definitely a description of The Ceremony. It definitely did not spoil the book for me.
I first read The Handmaid’s Tale when I was 14, I think. I had a similar reaction to the one you’re describing. 🙂 It’s so scary because it’s so possible.
Still reading Ancillary Justice here – it took a while to get going but now it’s going. what awesome worldbuilding.
(I really wish I could finish it more quickly though – I want to start my October spookyread!)
I wish I had more time to read so I could read these books because I hear so many great things about them. Or that my library had them on CD. Or something.
I got Ancillary Mercy! And after about 30 pages I realized I didn’t remember who anyone was and had to go back and read Ancillary Sword. Which I guess a lot of people didn’t enjoy, but I sure did, and am enjoying it again!
I think Ancillary Sword was my favourite of the three.
My only problem with Ancillary Sword was that Dlique died so quickly. She was such a delightful character (to read, probably not in actual person) that I was v. sad to see her go. Thankfully Zeiat stuck around much longer (but I must admit I liked Dlique a little better).
But yes. Although I like the first a little more than the rest I loved all three.
I loved all three, but I definitely felt like the last two…I can’t put it succinctly, but in the first one, there’s this whole vast universe and Breq’s fighting toward a specific goal, and then achieves that goal, whereas in the other two stuff just kind of keeps happening? It’s a much smaller setting, and because the situation is so confused, there’s much less of an overarching goal. And then [SPOILER FOR THE END OF MERCY] the independent AI republic felt like it came out of nowhere, although it is fully consistent with Breq’s behavior up to that point. [/END SPOILER] Also I think it can be hard to follow emotionally (at least for me) because Breq is not used to dealing with or talking about feelings, and since she’s narrating, we don’t necessarily get a complete picture of what’s happening in her head.
I went to Ann Leckie’s reading in Seattle last week, and she said she made sure Justice could stand on its own in case publishers didn’t want to commit to a series, and I think it shows – again, not that I don’t like Sword and Mercy, but Justice is satisfying in a very different way than they are. Also she gave out memorial pins for Awn and Dlique, and was generally delightful.
That makes a lot of sense, because I was surprised after finishing the first to learn that there was a second and a soon-to-be third. The first did feel like a contained, complete, story. I often find that in such situations I don’t like the sequels, but in this case I did very much. My main reason for like the first best though is because I really love the narration from Breq when she is still Justice of Toren the ship plus all its ancillaries.
While I do agree it can be hard to follow emotionally (and that it might put a damper on enjoyment for some people) I tend to be drawn to books with really different narrators. So for me, this was actually a plus in that I really loved seeing how emotion was communicated differently than I’m used to and trying to suss it out for myself along the way.
I love hearing the story from Breq’s point of view, too, and once I realized that she’s not really a reliable narrator when it comes to her/others’ emotional state, it worked a lot better for me (and I certainly identify with characters who are maybe a bit emotionally dense 🙂 )
I read all of American Gods on holiday recently and it was… good, I think. I am still processing it on some level. Now trying to decide whether to reread an old favourite for the season that’s in it (I am tempted by Strumpet City sitting on my shelf but worried it will make me miss Dublin) or find something new.
Also getting excited because it’s Christmas relatively soon and that means an injection of NEW BOOKS.
Ok, I have tried to get through American Gods multiple times, and just never quite get to the end? It’s not even that I dislike it as I’m reading it, I just never finish it for some reason? I don’t know, I usually like Gaiman, but I’m just not into that one like so many people seem to be (the first time I tried to read it I even coincidentally went to House on the Rock in Wisconsin as part of a vacation, so I even had the atmosphere right in front of me).
I’ve not read any other Gaiman so perhaps that’s relevant? It’s pretty hefty so had I been reading it around normal life, rather than on a plane for 3 hours with nothing else to do perhaps I wouldn’t have finished it either. I dunno.
That could definitely be what’s holding me up, hefty is a good word for it. Maybe I’ll give it another shot soon and see how it goes. Each time I start it I get further into it, so maybe I just haven’t started it enough times yet.
Yes, I had the thought yesterday “I need to draw up my Christmas book wishlist soon” and it filled me with joy.
I just listened to Master and Commander and am very glad I wasn’t in the 19th century British navy.
Currently listening to Robin Hobbs Live Ship trilogy.
Yep. Too many bad puns. The lesser of two weevils, I swear.
I’m in the middle of The Clasp by Sloane Crosley, The Battle of Versailles: The Night American Fashion Stumbled into the Spotlight and Made History by Robin Givhan, and my reading-on-a-browser-at-work cozy mystery is Rosemary Remembered by Susan Wittig Albert
ooh, how is The Clasp? It sounds like a great story but I would love to hear what you think of the way it’s told.
So far I like it (I loved her essay collections and I’m a sucker for old friends reuniting/country house weekend books which this has elements of). Definitely feels a bit like a Noah Baumbach movie (which is fine, I like those). It does switch character POV every chapter so making that switch and remembering all the characters/ their relationship takes more energy than I’d like and kinda pulls me out of the story.
I’ve been reading Bradbury’s The October Country short stories, to try to get me in the October mood. They’ve been pretty good so far, but I’m a Bradbury fan and tend to like everything he writes. I’m also listening to the audiobook of Practical Magic, which is very different from the movie, but I’m liking more than I expected to! So that’s good!
I just started rereading the first book in Tamora Pierce’s Alanna series, but I picked up Carry On too and am very excited to start it. I also finished Everything I Never Told You, and it was magnificently good. I may have to go back and reread the last couple of chapters soon…
I can’t wait to read Carry On! I just finished Landline at lunch today. I wasn’t expecting to love it as much as Rainbow Rowell’s other books (mixed reviews), but I LOVED it. As in, almost threw my hands up in the air going, “How am I supposed to return to work with all of these EMOTIONS!”
TAMORA PIERCE!!! I hope you give her books a chance, especially by continuing on to the others. Please keep in mind that the Alanna books were her first from like… 30 years ago) and the writing is thus, well, nowhere near as good as she later became. (In the Tortall world, for example, the Trickster series is absolutely amazing, and her Protector series is sort in the same vein as Alanna, featuring another girl knight, and amazing. The ENTIRE Circle of Magic world series is incredible too, but especially The Will of the Empress.) The Alanna books have a major nostalgia factor to them for me, though, having first read them when I was like 13.
I just started Last Night in Montreal by Emily St. John Mandel. Too soon for an opinion yet. I’ve been slacking on reading the last couple of weeks, but I’ve got two train rides tomorrow so I should get a good amount.
I also just checked out The Night Circus on my Kindle to reread. If anyone has any other circus novels to recommend, I’m all ears. I’m a big fan of stories set at circuses. Circuses in real life, not as much.
Genevieve Valentine’s Mechanique is set at a circus but I can’t make a recommendation yet, it’s waiting for me at the library. Her other stuff is awesome though so this one probably is too?
I think her later books are better but Mechanique is definitely worth the read.
Brooke Stevens is a rather obscure author who I believe worked at a circus at some point?
The main character of Tattoo Girl is a former circus fat lady.
He also wrote The Circus of the Earth and the Air, which I don’t remember reading, but it’s centered around a circus!
Oh, well. Have you read Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel? There’s something of a circus feel to it although there is in fact no circus.
I assume you’ve already heard of Water for Elephants?
I stayed up too late the last couple nights reading the last volumes of Ouran High School Host Club. Does that count?
It counts more than watching it on Netflix!
Oh, I’ve done that too, but the manga is even better 🙂
“The Magician’s Book” by Laura Miller, which makes me put it down and go “THIS” once every couple of pages or so. (It’s about loving the Narnia books as a child and then growing up and changing and unpacking what they meant for you.)
Ooooh I’m gonna look that up. I’ve been reading through ana mardoll’s deconstructions of the Narnia series, which go really in depth pointing out a lot of the sexist/racist/colonialist nonsense that’s woven into those stories. It’s been challenging and comforting at the same time.
I know. I’m a bit worried THAHB is going to be what deep-sixes the whole project- so much “Oh, good Lord, *that* was in there? And I read it when I was a *child*?” for one woman to handle.
My mom didn’t get us copies of “The Horse and His Boy” or “The Last Battle” until we, as hardcore little Narnia heads, had put enormous amounts of pressure on her (and we were older.) I wish I’d realized earlier that my mom was just going to be right about most stuff.
Yeaaaah, I am worried too. THAHB was my favourite of the series.
I remember the Last Battle fondly for containing a tiny shred of textual evidence that Lewis believed that people of other faiths could get into heaven. Young Me clung to that for a long time. I’m curious what Ana will have to say about that (if she makes it all the way to that book!).
Also, this “I wish I’d realized earlier that my mom was just going to be right about most stuff.” is the truest truth.
That was also why Last Battle was my favorite! I have distinct memories of “what good you do in Tash’s name you do for me” being where my early theology ended up growing out of. Potentially the opposite of what Lewis intended…oh well!
I mean, Aravis and Lasaraleen and Hwin are undeniable.
And yes to the hope that Lewis was cool with all the good people being in Heaven. Mostly now when I think about some kind of afterlife where what is best about us will continue I think of a huge mountain, and we’re all going up the same one, just on different sides. Which I just realized also draws on imagery from “Last Battle”. Oh, the media you consume when you’re young are SO MEANINGFUL.
Thanks for the Ana Mardoll tip today!
Yay! Enjoy!
Oh that sounds fascinating. Off to see if the library here has it or if I can ILL it.
Yay! Getting the right book to the right person! And she mentions a whole bunch of other books I now want to read.
thank you, hold placed
I also just started reading The Magician’s Book! I’m only about 50 pages in but am enjoying it so far. I reread all the Narnia books when I was around 20 and my eyes nearly rolled out of my head at some parts, but Laura Miller is right – the first books you love never leave you.
I was extremely generously gifted copies of Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies recently and am making my way through the former (slowly; see below thread on my recent Netflix binges). I was also recently generously gifted a copy of Catherine, Called Birdy, which is somehow even more delightful than I remember.
My book club is reading Lean In this month. It’s a lot better than I was led to believe, although it’s true that she falls into the Extreme Privilege trap that a lot of people who write this kind of book do. I’m going through a period of hating my job right now and am finding a lot of inspiration in it.
My copy of Ancillary Mercy is sitting neglected on my nightstand, partly as an incentive to finish the above books, because I know that once I start it, I won’t be able to put it down. Ancillary Mercyyyyyyyyyy.
Oh I totally forgot Mercy released. That will be my next read.
I’m doing the exact same thing with Ancillary Mercy but I don’t know how much longer I can hold out
I recently read Seveneves and I think that was recommended by a Toastie and I would love to discuss how FUCKING WEIRD that book is. But I’m going to start the second Elena Ferrante Neapolitan novel this weekend and I’m super excited.
I loved Seveneves I hope he writes another expanding on life in that last section / era of the book.
Same! There is just SO MUCH in that last section that I want to know more about.
AAAHHHH Seveneves you guys! The first two thirds of the book were SO intense and relentless, and then the last third was just delightful worldbuilding. I also want more stories based on that last section.
YES. I wish this had been two books, because the last section didn’t have as much as I wanted and was all worldbuilding but not enough PLOT for me. If it were two books, with the last section expanded into a larger book, I would have been way happier.
(Basically I am normally fine with gore in books but the cannibalism freaked me out, team. SO MUCH. And the tongue piercing thing they did to Julia to shut her up? CREEPY.)
I finally joined 2012 and am reading Code Name Verity. I was concerned because I know the big secret of the plot thanks to general exposure to the internet. But I’m still loving it.
Anyone else ever read a book where the big twist is already spoiled and how did that go for you? (I don’t count the time I read Fingersmith because it had been like ten years since I’d watched the movie version.)
Sometimes it’s just fun watching how the author gets there/makes the twist/whatever. I’m very much an “along for the ride; let’s have fun” reader in my 40s in a way that I surely was not when I was in my 20s and wanted everything to be SYMBOLIC and MEANINGFUL.
I read CNV recently and hoo boy, I cried. A lot. And couldn’t put the book down, even when I was crying. SUCH a good book but so intense.
I’m just finishing up We Have Always Lived in the Castle which is the first full length Shirley Jackson I’ve read, and it’s great!
I just read that last week, I liked it so much more than I was expecting!
I’ve been plowing through Terry Pratchett’s Witches series, with occasional breaks for “Women who run with the wolves” and “the night garden”. I have trouble finding space/time to sit down and concentrate on a book for more than 30 minutes, which is, just my life lately I guess. Once I figure that out, I’m gonna do Ancillary Justice again and then the sequels.
I love Pratchett’s Witches. Do you include Tiffany Aching? I sure do.
Those are EXCELLENT book choices! The Mars trilogy is absolutely one of my favourite book series of all time.
I was going through a stressful time recently and bought a book to distract myself. Unfortunately the book I chose was…Seveneves, which was great I think (?). I couldn’t really tell because it is (extremely obvious spoiler alert) about the world being destroyed, so it really just stressed me out more and legitimately gave me nightmares, because I am a delicate hothouse flower, emotionally speaking, right now.
All that to say I am HERE for book recommendations (of the non-stressful/depressing variety)!
Non-stressful/depressing book rec: The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde.
Historical fiction with a female protagonist coming up, in no particular order:
Clara and Mr Tiffany by Susan Vreeland
The Diary of Mattie Spenser by Sandra Dallas
Blackout/All Clear by Connie Willis
Letters from Skye by Jessica Brockmole
Mr Churchill’s Secretary by Susan Elia MacNeil
Remarkable Creatures by Tracy Chevalier
Above list also posted earlier today; edited this time to remove stressful/depressing selections.
Also:
The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, by Alan Bradley
The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett
Thank you for this!
I’m reading Jane Gardam’s “Old Filth” and OH MAN I am in love with it. I feel like it’s a very Toast pick. Novel about an old Englishman, formerly a solicitor and judge in Hong Kong (“Filth” is his nickname, standing for “Failed In London Try Hong Kong”), reflecting back on his life as he nears the end of it. A lot about the decline of the British Empire through the lens of his life. It’s funny and devastating, and I just ordered the second and third books because bless Jane Gardam, it’s a trilogy.
I am in the middle of this too! So far I’ve been in the devastating bits less than the funny bits (something to look forward to), though I did love the part when he went to Veneering’s to get a key and they both were so formal and silly about it. And I had no idea it was a trilogy, so thanks for the heads up!
I read Kate Elliott’s new book The Court of Fives and would highly recommend it for fans of magic, YA, and American Ninja Warrior. Also Dark Orbit by Carolyn Gilman which featured not one, not two, but three excellent female protagonists; it’s also at least as much mystery – what is going on in this weird new planet? – as it is SF, which is one of my favorite approaches to science fiction.
I love Kate Elliott and will always have a special place in my heart for her Jaran series.
I loved her Cold Magic series, but I definitely crapped out after book 6 or 7 of Crown of Stars.
I should know better on the Toast! What I SHOULD have said is, “I’m in love with the Jaran series, really enjoyed her Cold Magic series, and am looking forward to reading Court of Fives but wasn’t really interested in her other stuff.” 😉
I started with her Cold Magic series but haven’t read any of the earlier ones. They’re on the list for sure though.
I second the recommendation for Court of Fives. Little Women doing weird parkourish fighting plus magic!
YES Little Women is the best analogy!
I think she was explicit about it — the girls’ initials are M/J/B/A in order, Meg-character is a responsible eldest sister, Amy-character is a flirt with hidden depths, Jo-character is the cool one everyone likes, etc.
Oh man, that makes so much sense.
I’m reading Beyond Words by Carl Safina (recommended in a link roundup last week), and I am delighted with it because it validates everything I have ever believed/wanted to believe about how animals are their own people too. I am alternately filled to bursting with cool animal anecdotes and really depressing facts about what humans are doing to animals.
Archivist Wasp! It’s like Gilgamesh meets The Hunger Games and is EXCELLENT and BRUTAL.
ooooooooooh
SO GOOD. And yes, so very brutal.
Has anyone else read Maplecroft by Cherie Priest? I got it from the library a couple weeks ago and I’m about a quarter of the way in and it’s just kinda boring? Does it get better? I really like the premise, but it’s been a bit lackluster so far.
I have seriously mixed feelings about Cherie Priest! I am bored by steampunk so didn’t try with her steampunk stuff, really liked her Eden Moore series but also felt really uncomfortable about her handling of race and the South and the Civil War like a LOT. Liked a lot about Fathom but again, some weird jarring stuff about race again. So I err on the side of not reading her, these days.
I downloaded it after seeing it recommended but haven’t started it yet. Not bumping it to the top of the queue!
Still in the middle of Lovers at the Chameleon Club It does this unusual thing where the events get told in chronological order, but each character is telling them in a very different format (one in her memoirs, one in letters home, one in a biography written years later by someone else, etc). Which is cool but difficult.
Mostly it’s going slow though because I grabbed Night Sky Mine at a used bookstore and read that instead for a few days. It’s one of those sci fi books which are all worldbuilding and little plot, which I loooove if it’s done well. I would say….mostly well, in this case.
I just finished Ancillary Mercy (great series) and am now reading a nice cozy mystery by Sofie Kelly. I periodically read a chapter of Hamilton the biography. Next up is either Ashley Weaver’s second Amory Ames mystery (charming, 30s era, British) or Sigal Samuel’s debut set in Montreal.
I’ve finished the Sea of Poppies, and moved onto River of Smoke (both Amitav Ghosh)
Just finished reading Anne of the Island for the first time (I just visited PEI!) which means that I FINALLY get to read Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon and I am LOVING IT! Also, since it is the perfect season for it, I am finally getting around to The Rot & Ruin series. Guess I’m back on a YA lit kick!
I just finished Carry On, and moved onto Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. I haven’t read the first trilogy she wrote, but I can’t resist a heist novel, especially not a fantasy one.
Still working my way through The Complete Journals of LM Montgomery: The PEI Years, 1889-1900. I’m more than halfway through it, currently at September 1895 when she’s just about to start at Halifax Ladies College/Dalhousie. The main things left in this time are her descriptions of place. But in terms of overall tone, I can’t detect a difference between this and the same portion of Selected Journals Volume 1.
I just read Tana French’s latest at a friend’s recommendation and I can confirm it is a gorgeous, luminous, enthralling, incredibly evocative image-filled murder mystery. A+.
I’m a year late but I just started Station Eleven. I have heard that the hype around it was overplayed and many people found it lackluster, but I’m 100 pages in and loving it. Although I will read literally anything set in a dystopian post-apocalyptic future, or with a plot driven by coincidental connections between characters, and this book hits both those marks.
I loved Station Eleven. All about people and community and what it means to be human.
Ancillary Mercy was supposed to be my next book, but then my reserved library copy of Americanuh came through, so it will have to wait. So far Americanuh isn’t grabbing me, but it’s interesting enough to keep going (and the writing is very good).
Finished Ancillary Mercy! Justice was my favorite of the three, but I enjoyed the trilogy overall and it’s responsible for getting me into sci fi.
Currently reading The Price of Salt on the basis of it being described as a book that has a relationship between two women and doesn’t end in horrible tragedy.
Not that I am much of a sports person, but guys, Cubs vs Mets.
Also, I learned today that being openly hostile to one person can be awfully useful, as it distracts from the smaller tells.
What have you learned this week?
I AM a baseball person and am SUPER EXCITED despite it not being my team. I’m rooting for the Cubs, because FUCK the Mets and their miraculous season topping the NL East.
Yay for open hostility! Who is it towards?
This week I learned about how to set up automated emails in the email system we use. I’m very excited about it.
HAA we are going to have to heckle SOMEONE OF OUR ACQUAINTANCE who is a Mets person.
Open hostility is toward the guy who’s leading our strategic planning efforts. He’s far too interested in my personal life for my comfort zone (i.e., he makes small talk, I do not small talk at work) AND is condescending and patronizing. It has effectively hidden a great deal of my discontent in other areas, because now everyone’s just looking out for that.
What system are you in? I am currently (as in right now) fighting our donor database trying to design an email template and it is not going well.
We run our email through Mailchimp, which is my absolute favorite mail system I’ve ever encountered. Flexible, easy to use, and has all the fancy things I could possibly want but is totally usable for folks who don’t need the fancy things. I’m currently drafting our first-ever welcome series, three automated emails sent first 24 hours after joining a list and then one week after and one week after that.
I keep seeing people yelling about the Cubs around the internet, but I don’t follow baseball. What happened? Why are we all so excited????
The Cubs and the Mets will be facing off in the National League Championship Series, a 7-game series that comes before the World Series. The Cubs haven’t won a world series in 107 years and haven’t appeared in a world series in 45 years, so this is a Big Fucking Deal.
Dang! That is pretty cool.
BFD indeed! GO CUBS GO!!!!
Michael Moore owns the indie movie house in town, and they’re (unsurprisingly) showing Back to the Future Part II next week. Michael notes:
Note: This screening will in no way jinx the vaunted BTTF2-Chicago Cubs Prophecy (wherein the Cubs are named in the movie as being the 2015 World Series Champions. Geez, even typing that out makes me nervous).
WE ARE ALL PARANOID AS FUCK
The Cubs haven’t made it to the postseason at all since 2008, and they haven’t made it this far since 2003. They haven’t /won a World Series since 1908.
Speaking as a pretty normal Cubs fan, that is, a TOTALLY SUPERSTITIOUS PERSON, it is best to not discuss things too much, but it is an objective fact that Jake Arrieta is one of, if not THE, best pitchers in the game right now, and the bats are all going well, and there is some momentum there. But this is just dispassionate reporting, it is not any sort of projection or hopefulness NO SIRREE BOB
I learned Kyle Schwarber is not only my favorite baseball player because we went to the same university but he was ALSO in a show choir while in high school.
OMG when I tell my mom about that show choir fact my mom is going to DIE! He is her FAVORITE (and this woman is a die-hard Cubs lifer).
Actual video evidence of his performance exists on the internet, if she’s super-interested.
GIVE IT
http://deadspin.com/kyle-schwarber-was-once-a-hig…
I learned that my car does not need the extra fancy rims with sensors; so I am getting winter rims to go with my winter tires.
This was the only piece of good news from the mechanic.
Yay for being hostile to people who deserve it and getting something more out of it than just personal satisfaction!
This week I learned I could get away with this pic for my bio piece in a campus-wide workshop for professionalization of support staff.
I think more than anything, it’s just indicative of the fact that I’ve been here longer than anyone else involved in the project so I have seniority clout. Also everyone in the administrative Deans offices has probably already heard of me, and there’s not much I can do to surprise anyone at this point.
SO PROFESH
I am a baseball person and I am excited for the NLCS and have no idea who to root for! The Red Sox are my one true team (by birth not choice); I live in New York; and I can’t resist an underdog. So basically I get to cheer for everyone, I guess?
I learned that a digital meat thermometer is surprisingly accurate for taking one’s oral temperature.
I learned that I’m a nice drunk.
I drew some pretty strict boundaries with a person who has abused me for years. I did not feel guilty! And I’m SO HAPPY that they are out of my life!
Cubs vs. Meh
My dad is a Cubs fan and my mom and brother are Mets fans and they are all very confused as to how this happened.
I just read Carry On and I have a lot of Simon/Baz feelings please share all your feelings about them with me!
YES SAME!!
I wasn’t totally in love with all the turns of the plot (and either there was a big question left unanswered or I somehow missed the explanation…), but the character development was just stellar, and Rainbow Rowell can write those first fumbling, incredible steps of a new relationship like no one else. I am 31 years old, and at one point had to put the book down to just scream a little out of pure emotion.
I had to put it down too, but to be honest, I do that a lot. It was so cute and charming though. Fastest I’ve made my way through a book in a really long time.
Yeah, I also felt there were loose ends that didn’t get tied up?? Also, did Penelope ever invent a spell? I really want to know what spell she came up with!!!
SO many Baz/Simon feels. My face hurt from suppressing a giddy scream.
I think she invented the Simon Says spell.
Personal best: I paid off the last of my student loans this week! The opening balance was approximately “fuck you thousand dollars,” so. Winning.
That’s awesome! How’re you celebrating?
right now, by logging into the payment website and sort of blinking confusedly at the line that says “paid in full.” This counts as celebration, right?
But when I get my next paycheck — the first one ever that won’t be thrown at these fucking loans — I think I’m gonna buy myself somethin’ real nice. (suggestions welcome.)
Champagne. Always.
yeah I was gonna go to the gym but this is better, you’re right.
Fancy shoes.
massage therapy?
Really comfy lounging clothes for when you get home from work/weekends?
Or, alternately, a dress with a skirt so wide and full that you lose your legs in it.
New couch. Fancy espresso maker.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU THIS IS AN AWESOME THING YOU HAVE DONE!
YAY CHICKPEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congrats! I am so actively looking forward to this day. This year is when my balance moved from a really big number that’s so big it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference how big it is to actually looking like something manageable that I can be done with in the near future.
Thank you! I found that it helped to think, what if this was another kind of debt? That is: “well, people regularly take out car loans for this amount of money” or “I’ve paid off this amount of credit card debt in the past” or, the best one, “huh, this number is less than the balance in my savings account, neat.”
Of course, I could only do that once the balance got below “fuck you thousand dollars.” Before that point I just sent in my monthly payment and otherwise pretended it didn’t exist.
That is AMAZING!
Congratulations!!! That is no mean feat.
One of the other grad students in my program informed me yesterday that his wife has been paying her student loans off for 10 years and she hasn’t put a dent in the principal balance at all and I basically gave up on life forever, so this is good news!! Congrats, congrats!
ah yes, THIS is how I would like to celebrate this achievement! tee hee.
I hit the button to make my last payment while simultaneously skyping my parents and opening a bottle of champagne. It’s a good feeling. Congrats!
WHOOOOOOO! Spread your wings and learn to fly, Champion!
I’m currently throwing huge, fuck-off chunks of salary at mine, but they’re on-track to be gone in six years (unless the governor of Illinois has all us state workers fed to wolves or something…)
Congratulations! That must be *such* an amazing feeling.
Congratulations! Best day ever!
I am about two years out from being debt free. I think I’ll probably rent a beach cottage and have a week of drunken mayhem when it happens.
Very sincerely happy for you, and hoping I can enjoy this feeling in… oh, 40 years from now. (runs away sobbing)
Don’t go to law school, kids!
HI TOASTS: So I just found out I’m getting a sewing machine for Christmas, which is all at once daunting and thrilling. I used to sew when I was younger, but it’s been nigh on a decade.
Therefore, I’d appreciate any and all recommendations for patterns, tutorials, places to get fabric and supplies, things I should be mindful of as a beginner, etc. I live in Portland, if it helps. I’m so excited, I can’t even handle it. 😀 😀 😀
i did a lot of self-taught sewing when i was younger, and after a time without a machine, i bought one and started on some classes that teach technique for joining tricky pieces and such. it was a revelation! instead of all but the simplest pieces looking decidedly diy, i have really nice vintage-looking garments and i know a lot more about preparing to sew tricky seams. so if i were you, i might look around for shops that do classes with the techniques you want to learn and take a class / make a few garments, take another class / make more. work up!
i will echo what everyone says when this comes up: collette patterns are gorgeous if you like vintage stuff. also, i’m loving fabric collections from joel dewberry and heather bailey these days. when you get to be really good [and by that i mean, good at deciphering wacky / hard instructions] you can get decades of style patterns and make real vintage stuff. the only drawback with those is, they kinda just reprinted them from the originals, so some have mistakes, some are made to fit with a corset, and some just have non-standard symbols. but it can be done, i have muddled through some of them and made some really nice stuff.
If at any point you want small amounts of miscellaneous fabric — to experiment on, or for a scrappy-style project, or whatever — I recommend checking out Scrap! You won’t find many pieces over a yard, yard and a half, and you don’t get the full information about the fabric, but it’s cheap, you can find some really neat stuff, and also it’s just kind of fun hunting through the bins of Mystery Fabric for a gem.
things I should be mindful of as a beginner
If someone had told me the dangers of buying fabric only because I love it, not because I actually have a project for it, I could afford to pay someone else to finish my Chevelle and I’d be driving it Right Now. I have probably thousands of dollars in fabrics I’ll never use because my tastes and fashions have changed in the two decades passed since I bought them.
Seriously. Don’t do it. So much money. So much space.
If some of the fabric is 2 decades old, you can probably sell it as vintage on Etsy for lots o money now?
Not really. Maybe if it was 50+ years old. Maybe. *sigh* There’s just not much of a market for 3-5yard cuts of nice-but-not-super-high-end fabrics.
I suggest this every time a toast person is looking for beginning sewing advice- if you’re interested in sewing clothes Made By Rae’s Washi Dress (or tunic) pattern is a great place to start. It uses elastic thread instead of a zipper so it’s easier to get a good fit- which I think is one of the harder parts about sewing garments. Plus there are a ton of tutorials and videos that you can use to learn the trickier techniques.
Mood (the fabric store from Project Runway) has a collection of bloggers that blog on their site which gives you a wide range of styles and project types if you want to be inspired. I love http://closetcasefiles.com and http://www.blackbirdfabrics.com
I learned to sew early on by altering and re-making thrift store clothing: Hemming jeans, taking in tee-shirts, turning men’s shirts into fitted blouses, and a fair number of circle skirts made out of bed sheets. This might be a good way to start because you don’t amass a huge fabric stash too quickly, and it provides a sense of instant gratification in an activity that can sometimes seem tedious and frustrating.
A lot of the big box fabric stores host beginner sewing classes, so if there’s a Jo Ann or Hancock in your area, stop by and ask if they have a class schedule.
Someone else mentioned Collette patterns and I’ll second that because the pattern instructions are all very thorough. They also recently started an online magazine, Seamwork, that includes downloadable patterns that are intended to be a) basic wardrobe staples and b) quick and easy to make.
Something I wish I had been told as a beginner, regarding pattern sizing: Choose your size based on the finished garment measurements, and NOT the body measurements!
Also:You will never regret putting in the time to make a muslin.
Congrats on your sewing machine! I hope you have fun with it.
Yes to muslins. They are so worth it. Also, depending on the thrift store situation in your area, it may be cheaper to buy old sheets and use those as test fabric instead of buying muslin. Either that or wait until you get a good 50% off coupon for a big box fabric store and buy a whole bolt of muslin.
Thirding the importance of muslins!
That’s the Portland of Oregon not Maine? You have some amazing fabric stores! Bolt and Modern Domestic are there right? They should be able to hook you up with cool patterns for skill building and easy to work with fabrics. I live near Seattle so I’ve just been stalking them on Instagram but I think they seem like the kind of place that could help you get started (as in, not the big box fabric store).
Umm…fave advice? Measure something that fits you, not your body! Compare the finished garment measurements on the pattern if provided with a similar piece of clothing that fits to help pick a size to cut. Good luck!!!
Angry Chicken blog is about sewing and other crafts. She’s in Portland, so she often talks about local stores.
If you’re in Portland OR, I gotta say: Fabric Depot is still pretty hard to beat. It’s a straight-up old school granny-friendly sewing stuff megastore, it is utterly and completely uncool, and I adore it. And I don’t even sew! I just tag along with the Spouse!
Toast! I haven’t been around all week since I’ve been on vacation (sort of)! I went to Banff with my parents and husband and got to see Lake Louise and mountains and mule deer! The rest of the time I’ve spent with my parents and in-laws and as much as I like them both I’m ready to go home tomorrow and be in the quiet of my own damn home with my husband! (Also my MIL is generally quite a good cook but this morning breakfast was rice porridge with oysters and it was not the best thing I’ve ever had and was a lot like fish boogers.)
BUT in keeping with the Bartender’s awesome food theme, in Banff I had the most amazing meal of a roasted beet-and-arugula-and-candied-walnut salad, pork tenderloin with applesauce and grainy mustard reduction, and carrot cake with white chocolate cream cheese frosting. ALSO with my in-laws I had a truly fabulous eight-course Chinese meal that included Peking duck and lobster and Hong Kong-style sweet-and-sour chicken and other things I cannot even identify but were DELICIOUS. Wow, so much good food this week.
rice porridge with oysters….
Eek.
Agreed. I try to pretend I’m a somewhat adventurous eater, but that is beyond me.
I LIED. Apparently it was clams. You can decide yourself if that is worse or better. I ATE THE ENTIRE BOWL, I am practically a heroine.
For those of us who pass near or through Banff pretty often, where were these last two meals? They sound like they should go on the to-try list.
I am sorry that the Chinese food was in Edmonton, where I am with my in-laws, but I have plenty of good Edmonton recs! Anyway, the most amazing pork meal was at The Maple Leaf in Banff http://www.banffmapleleaf.com/ and specifically it was their “Locals” menu, where I had a salad, huge entree, and dessert, all for $30. I think that menu changes semi-regularly but if the rest of it is halfway as good it’s GREAT.
Also if you’ve got some time and stamina, Grizzly House for fondue, followed by Cows ice cream for dessert if you can possibly stomach it.
I’m actually in Edmonton so that is also relevant to me!
Noted, and drooled over. Thanks!
IN THAT CASE! Chinese food at Cha For Tea Palace http://www.chaforteapalace.com/ for amazing Chinese food (terrific dim sum and get the banquet Meal For Eight if you have people to impress–Peking duck and lobster are to die for). For Vietnamese, Pagolac at 97 St and 106 Ave http://www.pagolacrestaurant.com/ and the “Seven Beef Dish” meal is also amazing (featuring beef you cook yourself in boiling vinegar, beef spring rolls, beef bbq meatballs, beef skewers, beef congee, and something else I can’t remember). Best bubble tea at Boba Island on 106 Ave and 100 St.
Ha, Cha For Tea is the only place my friend who is a restaurant inspector would consent to go for dim sum.
Noted and noted. Thanks again 😀
As part of a much longer trip, my now-ex-boyfriend and I rode our bicycles from Banff to Lake Louise and then up the Icefields Parkway to Jasper, staying in hostels the whole time, as there are hostels (many without electricity, but they all have stoves and refrigerators) every 30-40 miles, which made for nice short days of cycling with lots of stopping to gawp at the views.
It was only a week, and it was the BEST PART of a 4.5 month, 3,800 mile trip, and the only part I am DYING to do again. That is one of the most beautiful parts of the world, AND it was wonderful for cycling, AND the hostels were all great (except the one in Jasper).
Like, every time I see a book/article that lists “[round number] of places to ride your bicycle before you die!” they always list the Icefields Parkway. Every damn time. Because it’s that amazing.
Toast, let’s have a happy gif thread! I’ll start us off!
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urg. you posted this as I was fixing the html. Apparently you can’t embed webm files. Apologies for the HTML grottiness.
Aw crap, I’m sorry. If I delete my post, can you fix it?
I don’t think so. NBD, though. Luckily, the link in there works!!
my favorite!!
I just remembered adding “mental note to start a fantasy maps thread in next open thread” to one of my previous open thread comments! Fantasy maaaaps.
I love the one in A Stranger in Olondria (and everything else about that book). But I feel like Redwall and Lord of the Rings were my first “omg this book has a map!” books. (Or was it The Phantom Tollbooth?)
This post is delightful. But The Map Room and Comic Cartography have so many more!
What are your favorites? Or did you also make a bunch as a kid for stories you’d never end up writing because you already did the most fun part?
I love fantasy maps, thanks for this links. I think I probably did draw a bunch as a kid.
I want to draw one now, both as I’m learning to draw and for a sort of story idea I’ve been bouncing around my head for a while. It would be a map of a city.
I wish I could remember the ones I drew as a kid. I know I had a thing for lots of islands and bridges. But the details, and any hint of what story I was thinking about, are gone.
It seems like there was a coffee-table book that came out years ago that compiled all the best fantasy maps in one glorious full-color place. Yet, I’ve never been able to find it! Is there such a thing? Can I have made something like that up?
I loved the maps of Oz from the Frank Baum books. But my favorite will always be Middle Earth.
This should exist! I would read the heck out of that!
Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m pretty sure the maps of Middle-Earth made a bigger impression on me than the story did. I read the maps a few times before I ventured into such long grown-up book territory.
Ooooo fantasy maps. This is pretty much the holy grail of them for me. If I ever get a pile of extra cash…
An Ancient Mappe of Fairyland: Newly Discovered and Set Forth http://www.loc.gov/item/2006628749/
!!!!
Oh, that is amazing!
I just googled it and apparently you can buy it on Zazzle for $32.70. I have never used that website but I might have to now.
There was even apparently a guidebook that went with it when it was printed in the twenties and I wants it precious.
I never drew fantasy maps, but I drew a lot of floorplans for houses and castles! Truly I was the child the Sims were made for.
I totally made fantasy maps as a kid. I remember I made one of fairyland (our particular version) and gave it to my best friend. I don’t think she really got it…she was more of a daydreamer and I was more of a creator, and I think the map just made things too concrete for her. I also made a Parcheesi board where each space was a different scene from a fantasy world. In high school, I made a 3-D map of Romeo and Juliet’s neighborhood. The houses started out small at the map level and then expanded as they went up. It was cool, but in no way helped me with Shakespeare.
I too would love a coffee table book full of fantasy maps.
these all sound GREAT. what did you make the Romeo & Juliet map out of?
If I remember correctly, really thin cardboard and exacto knife and tape, and then I painted it. I took a lot of trial and error to get the effect I wanted.
I had a lot of time on my hands in high school…wish I had that time now.
You might enjoy this Tumblr post ragging on the map of Ferelden in Dragon Age for making no sense!
I didn’t know A Stranger in Olondria had a map! I’m a little sorry I missed it (having the Kindle version) but I wonder if it would have affected how I envisioned the world of the novel. I am a pretty good reader of real-life maps (always the designated navigator on long trips) but I think my mind doesn’t make strong connections between drawn maps (like in LotR) and described landscapes.
oh, that is wonderfully nerdy and pedantic, I love it!
I just tried to find the Olondria map online but only found it in this big PDF excerpt of the novel. Mostly I liked the names, they gave me a mental image of the place just from the way they sounded.
Have you seen “the dictionary of imaginary places”??
I owned that book when I was a kid! It was FANTASTIC and I remember being so wistful (in those pre-Amazon days) that there were so many books out there I had no way of getting my mitts on.
I have that book but haven’t looked at it in ages. This thread makes me want to read it as soon as I get home and get some reading inspiration!
I love maps. The maps in the Tamora Pierce books were always my favorites.
I actually used to get really caught up in making maps for stories I never even ended up writing. The one I’m proudest of it the one I made for a land split into four sections, each permanently stuck in one season. HERE IT IS, hah, I like that I still have it.
I am impatiently waiting for my next paycheck to buy this: http://zestbooks.net/plotted/
Not fantasy, but close?
I almost never find anyone who also read Who Stole the Wizard of Oz? by Avi, which has maps + maps + intersecting with real life. . .it blew my six year old mind.
I was a map-drawing child. I loved in particular to draw maps of desert islands. Lately I had to clear my old bedroom and dug through boxes of papers that have remained untouched for over a decade. Most of it went into the trash, but I kept a handful of specimens for posterity.
Last year I indulged myself in a resurgence and drew a map for one of my stories. It was fun. I got to break out my colored pencils.
TOASTIES, so I finally read I Capture the Castle at everyone’s recommendation and oh my GOSH it was amazing and I loved it so much. And now I’m in that phase where I just want to read other books similar to that, you know? So, any recommendations? I’ve also already read the Montmaray Journals (I read them first, so ICTC kept reminding me of them even though I know technically speaking it’s the other way around).
I’d also be up for just any good historical fiction recommendations. For example, if you haven’t read anything by Cat Winters, PLEASE DO. “In the Shadow of Blackbirds”, “The Uninvited” and “The Cure for Dreaming” were all amazing (the latter is a lovely combo of historical fiction that is also feminist). I also just finished The Night Circus, which was really good once I adapted to the style of it. I made the mistake of accidentally reading a negative review before I started reading it, so the criticism kind of stuck in my head for too long and I didn’t really enjoy it until finally I got past it. Then I just loved it (and cried). But anyway, I definitely recommend it.
What have you all been reading and loving?
Have you read “Cold Comfort Farm”? It’s not exactly similar other than that it is also set in a rural area in 1930s England and has a female protagonist, but it’s awfully charming.
(I am always fascinated to hear about how much people love “The Night Circus,” because I literally could not finish it, the style irritated me so badly. It felt like…idk, a lot of telling rather than showing? But I know it seems to be a thing people really like, and that is fine!)
I haven’t, but I’ll look into it! Historical fiction with a female protagonist is pretty much my sweet spot right now.
(You know, I get that. TBH it was good and bad for me. I totally get what you mean about the style, and it took me halfway through the book to actually start liking it. I kinda had to settle into it and adjust to the style, I think.)
It’s a bit more…satirical? than “I Capture the Castle,” but fun.
(I think part of the reason I was so turned off was that when I read it, I had just finished copyediting a manuscript that had some stylistic similarities and which I absolutely HATED. So it might be that.)
Historical fiction with a female protagonist coming up, in no particular order:
Clara and Mr Tiffany by Susan Vreeland
The Diary of Mattie Spenser or anything else by Sandra Dallas, but this is a good early one
Kindred by Octavia Butler
Blackout/All Clear by Connie Willis
The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver
Gone to Soldiers by Marge Piercy
Pope Joan by Donna Woolfolk Cross
March by Geraldine Brooks
Letters from Skye by Jessica Brockmole
Mr Churchill’s Secretary by Susan Elia MacNeil
Remarkable Creatures by Tracy Chevalier
Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende
One Thousand White Women by Jim Fergus
brb, adding all those to my tbr list…
OMG Blackout/All Clear. It’s about a million pages but I could not put it down until I had finished it. Stayed up until three in the morning to finish it while hugging a pillow and crying from sheer catharsis.
ETA: Doomsday Book is set in the same universe and is also great. I actually read that one first–I think it might be an easier entry point into the world.
Yeah, agreed – guess it would depend on whether you prefer WWII or BLACK DEATH.
Ahem, I mean. Right?
Yay! I too came late to the ICtC party and LOVED it when I read it last year 🙂
I am a big lover of historical fiction of all types and while I am NOT a mystery buff, one of my favorite series of all time is the Mistress of the Art of Death series by Ariana Franklin (R.I.P.). Female is who ONLY allowed to “officially” be a doctor in Solerno during the reign of Henry the Ist comes to Cambridge to discover why all of the Jewish children are being murdered? So good! Witty, exciting, historically engrossing.
The romantic in me loved Beneath a Marble Sky by John Shors (how and why the Taj Mahal was built) and the horror reader in me recently enjoyed More Than You Know by Beth Gutcheon (Maine haunted school/house).
Also, if you haven’t read Life After Life by kate Atkinson, PLEASE DO IT! Alt history surrounding the first and second world wars with an interesting twist on Hitler’s Germany and London’s Blitz.
OOOOOOH, adding ALL OF THESE to my to-read list on Goodreads, haha. Thank you, they all sound so interesting!!
I hope you enjoy them!
Oh, yes. I started reading Life after Life on my own (I’m a terrible skimmer, too, because I have to read several books a week for grad school and have basically forgotten how to slowly read and enjoy the prose but whatever) and then got to the part with the bunnies and realized I needed to read this aloud with another person, so my husband and I read it together. We both loved it.
Currently doing a Harry Potter re-read. Am almost done GoF.
I just finished Rebecca West’s The Fountain Overflows, and it’s my new favorite book. I also read and loved I Capture the Castle this year, but this was an even more sublime reading experience. It has a lot of similar themes (irresponsible fathers, complicated relationships among sisters, genteel poverty), but West’s writing is some of the best prose I’ve ever read.
Have you tried other books by Dodie Smith? I very much enjoyed “It Ends in Revelations” and “The New Moon with the Old”.
(They’re a little hard to find, and you may have into go to the library stacks, but they’re all very charming).
Toasts who shave their faces! I am looking for recommendations for an electric shaver of the semi-fancy variety. I’m thinking of getting one for Mr. Winterbymorning for Christmas or something, because I am tired of watching him slice his sensitive skin to ribbons with cheap disposable razors that do nothing for him.
The Burgomaster has incredibly sensitive skin and is happy with the Braun series 3 shaver he’s used for three or four years, now. He does his face and head with it.
Boyfriend uses Dollar Shave Club and is happy enough with the results – I ordered it for him since he also seems to not care about slicing his face open with dollarstore razors. These are only slightly more expensive but seem much nicer.
I’ve got one episode left.of Murder She Wrote. It’s taken me a year but I’m almost done. Holy crap.
It’s Dame Angela’s NINETIETH birthday today so, my friend, your timing is spectacular.
Toast masters, I have a simple question with a slightly convoluted explanation that I’m gonna bury in the comments. Any ideas will be welcome in clarifying my thinking, thank you.
I’m waiting to hear if my housing assistance voucher is coming through, but when it does I will have one month to find an apartment in a town 70 miles from where I currently sit with no car or way to get there. Finding a place that accepts the vouchers is an additional challenge, which means really drilling down on the detective work. And whether or not it comes through, I need to get out of where I’m currently staying. The owner of the house seems to resent my breathing his air these days, and I’m deeply stressed whenever he’s home. So, how do I find a place when I’m so far away? And what goes in my first aid kit for sanity right now? My best reference for housing was the friend who died recently, so I don’t look good on paper, but I don’t want that to stop me from getting out of here while I can.
I can’t speak to the additional complications of housing vouchers, but I hope this is reassuring: twice in my life, I’ve picked up and moved into an apartment that I’d only seen photos of. It worked out fine, both times. I suspect that part of the key here is picking something that’s owned by a big management company and not like, guy renting out his basement apartment.
What I did was just to call up the places I was interested in, and say “I am moving to X city on Y date. I am looking for Z kind of apartment. Do you have availability on that date, plus or minus three days? For personal reasons, I am unable to come to view the apartment, but I would like to see a floor plan in order to facilitate my own planning.” And both times I ended up in apartments that were totally fine. Were they 100% what I would have picked? No, but I’ll accept 90% okay for not having to go through the hassle, you know?
I am moving across the country in 8 months and this is really, helpful, thank you!
This helps, though the housing voucher issue is an Issue. I’ll keep gouging away, thanks.
I did this when moving cross-country for grad school, and agree: it was absolutely ok. not great, not terrible, totally ok, and wayyyy less stressful than the alternative.
YMMV, but I have had a lot of sucess finding housing by using neighborhood listservs and community facebook groups – both times that I have moved cross-country, I was able to find decent housing just from posting on the group with a little description, my budget and what I was looking for. I got skype tours of the house both times.
Cool–I’m on two FB groups for housing there, but they are overwhelmingly full of searchers and pretty half-assed. I may have to learn what a listserv is, which can only help me at this point. Thank you!
It’s basically a semi-private community email list. You can usually find them by googling, but this is the directory I use, it’s pretty activist focused: https://lists.riseup.net/www/
Oh Lord, IntenseDebate bucked me off again, everyone please admire my head. Thanks for this, it made me want to live in Sherwood and build my archery skills, but I’ll start with baby steps!
This might not be useful but I have moved to a different country three times without housing and what I did was book a hostel for the first few days I arrived. In the lead up to arriving I looked at online listings and set up a ton of appointments for those three days. In none of those cases did I have to extend the hostel stay and none of the housing situations were horrible.
Also if you are in the US and receiving section 8 allowance it’s generally illegal for landlords to refuse that as payment though arguing about that with a potential landlord is probably not a great opening discussion.
Hopefully some of what I have written is of use. Good luck! Not feeling comfortable in your own home/living space is the worst!
No hostel but I could perhaps bus up and get a motel room, so this is a good idea, thank you! I mentioned being HUD eligible to a place I was supposed to go see in the spring, and they called to cancel on me as I was walking out the door. “No Sec 8” shows up in most of the ads I’m seeing, which, even if it’s illegal means I probably won’t get in. Pretty sad about the whole thing, but hopefully something will open up.
That cheese toast looks incredible. Oh my gosh.
Fashion thread!
How’s this weather treating your wardrobe? Do you have fabulous and fantastic Halloween costumes planned out?
MrChouffe purchased a somewhat-skimpy Wonder Woman costume for me as a birthday gift! I will wear it proudly.
However. However. It is going to be so cold.
skin colored tights?
That’s a given. It probably won’t be enough.
Skin-colored…uh…sweatpants?
It’s a real possibility.
Skin-colored leggings? Maybe skating tights?
Oh now there’s a thought.
I’m just waiting for the last element of my steampunk costume to show up which will do double duty at a gala tomorrow night and for Halloween. It actually turned out kind of more gothy Victorian than true steampunk, but since I was aiming at dressing up as my Fallen London character it’s going to look fucking awesome.
A gala!! Sounds exciting. It’s awesome if you can find more than one place to wear an extravagant outfit. Have an awesome time!
My trivia team is seriously considering Mad Max (we were Disney princesses last year and it was a hit). I just want to paint my whole body white and yell a lot!
Pics please
SECONDING
will report back with Mad Max pics if that happens, obviously
DELIGHTFUL
Oh wooow Cinderella looks an awful lot like my boyfriend. I showed him this photo and he seems pretty thrilled to have a twin!
Oh fun! Is he also a million feet tall?
I am Belle in this photo, and Jasmine is my boyfriend. Snow White is my childhood bff and she is dating Cinderella. Ariel’s boyfriend lives in a different state and wasn’t present for our shenanigans, but DOES bear an uncanny resemblance to Prince Eric.
Love this fall weather! The tall boots! The tights! The chunky sweaters with cutesy-pie knitted caps! The ponchos (yes, ponchos!)! But because I’m usually messing about with pasture fencing, horses and manure piles, my wardrobe is all jeans, hole-y sweaters, and hiking boots. Sad fashion face.
Hole-y sweaters are always in fashion!
it is still hot in the bay area and autumn is never going to show up.
for halloween i am going to be a cat burglar, but i haven’t decided yet if i’m going to be “a burglar that is also a cat,” “a burglar stealing cats,” or a “a burglar that is also a cat, stealing cats.”
You could start as option A and naturally evolve towards option B depending on whether the host of the party has a cat?
I’m going to vote for the third option. 🙂
I will second that vote. Black cat costume, cat carrier with a stuffed animal cat (or two) inside.
My plan is to wear the same pirate hat with striped black and white shirt and black skirt that I wore last year.I’m not sure what my plans are yet, but if I end up actually doing something social (aside from work party), I’ll see if I can find Minnie Mouse ears to go with a pink halter dress with white polka dots that I already own.
The pic of the cheese toast is KILLING ME. Gah. Burnt cheese is THE BEST.
It’s still getting in the 70s during the day here, so I’m making do with sleeveless tops and light cardigans instead of breaking out the layers and sweaters. *sigh*
I’m uninspired for a Halloween costume. Last year’s was so great I feel like anything less awesome would be such a letdown, and I just haven’t had the energy to put effort into anything costume-related. Since I won’t be dressing for work this year (I only costume up for the office if the 31st falls during the week), I’m going to give it a miss. Come up with something stellar for 2016.
Halloween: Last year we dressed baby larocquen in a lobster costume, stuck a tiny guitar on him and then my husband, bro and I went as other rock stars. We were the “Rock Lobsters.” This year, we’re going Adventure Time themed. Baby Finn with Jake the Dog and lady Rainicorn on hooded sweatshirts: easy, washable and WARM (helloooo Wisconsin!). My computer hates me and won’t let me upload photos to The Toast 🙁
If we can actually get all the pieces together, Mr. Thuja and I are going to go as a mobile speakeasy. Prohibition era clothes, briefcases full of booze, and cocktails for people who give us creative passwords.
That is hilarious and amazing. I want to go to whatever Halloween parties you are going to!
It should be a fun party. There will be Over the Garden Wall costumes, Fox & the Hound, and at least several HP costumes that I know of. Also lots of food and booze. There is a secret pinterest board that my friends and I have been using for planning purposes. It’s a little ridiculous.
I was just gonna buy one of those ten-dollar onesies and go as Freakazoid for Halloween. All the work will go into making my hair ridiculous.
I realized on the way to work this morning that I accidentally dressed as my cat today. She’s a diluted calico (gray, tan, white), and I’m wearing gray pants, a white shirt, a tan infinity scarf, and tan boots.
Halloween is being a problem. I normally love coming up with a costume, but I’m grumpy at the world these days and don’t feel like it. I might repeat an old costume? Maybe my Cassandra-from-Dragon-Age costume I wore to GenCon? If I find some energy, I might try a first draft of the Jack-from-Mass-Effect costume I’ve been wanting to do, but that might not be the smartest thing since it involves a pretty radical haircut and I’m mid-job-hunt.
The world ALWAYS needs more Cassandra costumes. Just, you know, putting that out there.
Wait, your username is Girl Named Jack and you’re voting for me to dress up as Cassandra instead of Jack? I’m confused. 😉
I’d really like to be a gingerbread person for Halloween (since I am on handing-out-candy duty) but I have no time to sew a costume, so I might get the spacesuit pre-made costume from the Value Village.
(Actually I’m going to buy 2 of them because bf really really wants to go to space someday and I thought I would get both of us into spacesuits and then decorate a cardboard box like a spaceship and we can pretend)
One of the parties I’m going to is post-apocalypse themed, and I haven’t been really feeling it this year, so I’m going to be a Terminator because it’s the lowest-effort post-apocalypse costume I could think of. Except, I love the stupid Terminator movies so much that, now that I’ve settled on that as my costume, I suddenly am feeling it and want to get everything just right and do complicated makeup effects and shit.
My husband and I are going as Janet Snakehole and Burt Macklin!!!
My goal of becoming an adult with nice adult clothes is currently being thwarted by my goal of traveling home without begging my parents for money, but in the meantime I’m going to get a sheet and dress up as Artemis for Halloween. My fiance, bless his soul, is going to be Actaeon with an arrow through his head.
I love paired costumes and this is fucking beautiful. Yes, bless your fiance.
A+ on choice of fiance and costumes.
I think I might cob together a hand-chainsaw out of junk and go as Ash Williams. Feeling kinda lazy this year, TBH.
I’m dressing as Ronda Rousey for Halloween. I will also be playing Ronda Rousey in a Celebrity Tomb of Horrors DnD game that night. 😀
In other fashion news, I’m loving the cold weather that’s just blown in. We might get our first overnight freeze soon! I can finally wear all my knitting projects. Today I wore the Feminist Symbol mittens that I knit last winter.
I’m also really in love with the “leggings+button-down shirt+sweater” combo lately. I will wear it into oblivion.
Holy cow! Amazing!
That is some awesome color work! Did you line them? My the back side of color work stuff looks like a drunken spider was trying to knit; I always have to line it.
Nope! I was very diligent about trapping long floats ever five stitches or so (except this ONE FLOAT along the crossbar of the symbol that I derped out about) and keeping stuff loose, and it turned out fine. This is by far the most difficult colorwork I’ve attempted to date, so I’m pretty pleased.
I am moving to New York tomorrow, and I don’t want to. I work from home and I’m worried I won’t meet anyone and it will distract me from applications and I would like to stay here in my childhood bedroom instead.
Also, I just signed up for Audible and would like some audiobook recommendations.
By New York do you mean New York City? Because if so:
We’ll be super happy to have you here!
I do mean New York City! I am subletting in Astoria for the next 5 weeks, and then probably have another sublet I can take for after in Brooklyn.
I live in Manhattan–Morningside Heights, to be exact. Astoria is AWESOME. I hope you love it! What brings you to NYC?
I… don’t know. I’ve been living at home since I had to move back from the UK last year. I’m trying to get back, but in the meantime, I decided to move to New York with some friends, but we wound up having a falling out about where to live, so I am just subletting from another friend while she’s working abroad. But… I don’t need to be there, really, and home is so comfortable, and I’ve always lived with friends before, and I’m worried that I’ll never leave my apartment and won’t meet anyone.
Well. We can solve that fear of never leaving the apartment. Tuesday or Wednesday evening, drinks? Anyone else want to join? Maybe somewhere in lower-ish Manhattan, that’s usually pretty convenient for people coming from/going to any borough?
That would be great. I think Wednesday is better for me. Thanks!
YAY email me? rhgoldfarb AT gmail. And hopefully some other NYers will see this and want to join us and THEY CAN EMAIL ME TOO!
I am going to e-mail you as well!!
OH I am going to be out of town but I would love to have this happen again!
Hi, fellow uptown Toastie! Emailing you 🙂
YAY Toastie drinks next week! Excellent way to welcome HarrietVane to NYC.
Hello I am ALSO an uptown Toastie! I shall email you as well, and I think next Wednesday works. I know a zillion happy hours in the West Village if that is helpful.
YAY UPTOWN! And being up for going further downtown for mass-convenience.
I am in Brooklyn! If you’ll be in the Park Slope area, let me know 🙂
I live around there and love it! So excited for the BPL book sale tomorrow!
I listen to audio books on my commute every day. What sort of thing do you like in general?
Mysteries, books full of facts, the Jim Dale Harry Potter recording… Part of the problem is that I usually want to listen to things I’ve read before, but the reader also needs to be really good.
Mmmmm … I don’t have a flag for narrator in Goodreads, but maybe I should.
I really liked audio versions of these books:
The Martian
The Cuckoo’s Calling
My Beloved World (Sonia Sotomayor memoir)
Brown Girl Dreaming
The Book of Strange New Things
Dearie: The Remarkable Life of Julia Child
Ooh, thanks! I think The Cuckoo’s Calling might be perfect.
Side note: Julia Child lived in our neighborhood and once almost hit my mother with her car.
If you like the Jim Dale HP recording, may I highly HIGHLY recommend his reading of “The Night Circus”? It’s the perfect match of narrator and work- I think that book is even more beautiful when read aloud, and of course Jim Dale is my #1 favorite narrator of all time.
Ohhh I forgot Jim Dale was the narrator on that one. Yes, yes. Very dreamy.
I really like the Great Courses series! The lecturer in the Big History course is particularly great, as is the lecturer of Mongols: The Barbarian Empires of the Steppes
Tracks by Robyn Davidson is a great book and the narrator is really well-suited to the content – it does contain a fair amount of racist language, so if you don’t want to hear that I would skip it. She’s not racist, she just describes cattle ranchers being horribly racist.
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind is a good book and well narrated by a loveable brit, but does contain some colonial apologetics which are totally skippable, so if you scan through them you will miss nothing important.
I have the first 10 Terry Pratchett novels, which are good to listen to, but you do miss some of the puns when hearing it aloud.
If you like social sci-fi with a good sense of humor, I’ve really enjoyed all the audiobooks of John Scalzi’s novels. Wil Wheaton reads them, and does a lovely job, especially on his standalone novels. Listening to ‘Red Shirts”, “Lock In” and “Agent to the Stars” on walks got me through a monthlong psychiatric disaster!
Welcome! https://www.facebook.com/groups/nychairpinners/?f…
Do any of the admins actually add people to that group? I’ve had a pending request for two months. 🙁
Good luck in New York!! I’m certain you will meet people and make friends because there’s like, a lot of people and things to do there, I hear.
My favorite audiobooks are the Abhorsen novels by Garth Nix (Sabriel, Lirael, and Abhorsen), because they are great books on their own (really cool fantasy with female leads) BUT ALSO they are read by Tim Curry!!!!
Ohhh my gosh hello those are my favorite books and how did I just now learn that they are read by Tim Curry! Amazing
Join the NYC Toast meetup group! It is here, just send an email to the group gmail account asking for your join request to be approved.
Enjoy NYC!
Audiobooks: A. I love audiobooks and 2. I purchase them for my public library *so* My two favorite books as far as narrators go are The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak (Death is British. Enough said) and The Gates by John Connolly (has science AND demons invading a small English town). However: If you like non fic, I highly rec Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand as read by the late/great Edward Hermann, Candyfreak by Steve Almond and Bootstrapper by Mardi Jo Link. I am also a big Jim Dale fan so I think you will love the Connolly and the Zuzak- British narrators ftw!
My Life In Middlemarch made a wonderful audiobook. I think it’s read by the author herself.
Oh Toasties, I am so very, very glad that the weekend approaches and I have tentative plans to see Crimson Peak. This has been a nightmare of a week featuring a Very Big Bad Mistake I made in my research and many panic attacks/crying fits when the lab is empty. But this is a lovely place filled with loving people and fun things to argue about and I am so deeply grateful to have it as a safe space.
That said, GIMME YOUR GIFS, I NEEDS THEM
(yes i am gonna be marathoning brooklyn nine nine over the weekend why do you ask)
Are you looking for sympathy gifs or happy gifs or inspirational gifs, or…? I’m happy to post whatever you need here, OR you can just take anything you want from my entire gif collection.
Happy please! I wanna laugh 🙂
Have some Chris Evans trying to do Garudasana:
Well. I don’t know about anyone else, but that gif made MY day brighter.
I LOVE THIS MEATBALL SO DAMN MUCH
thank you <3 <3 <3
Wait, there is a physical thing that I am better at than Chris Evans? My entire life has changed.
His crow pose is pretty solid, though.
Joe LoTruglio FTW.
NINE NINE
I have no gifs but I also made a Big Mistake in the lab last week and am very anxious about work and would like to share internet hugs with you.
*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs*
WE ARE NOT ALONE it is gonna be okay somehow, we will get through. Today is the first day this week I haven’t had a panic attack in the lab, so I’m counting it as a small victory (it helps that my PI is gone today and all next week for a conference)
Ahhhhhhh, I love that lab-to-myself feeling.
I’m going to try to carve out some time to relax over the weekend…hope you can too.
I’m coming to realize that research involves a lot of making mistakes and getting back up on the horse. I’ve only recently come to appreciate a former colleague’s statement that you’re not really doing research until you’ve broken something. 🙂
Aw we all have those days in the lab. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Small victories thread?
Both my dissertations now have supervisors, after trawling through the faculty pinging from office hour to office hour like I’d lost something in a picture book, so now I just have to write the damn things!
And I had an excellent coffee and got a loaf of the bread I am currently obsessed with on my way home.
I have ordered firewood; and am getting my winter tires installed.
I am trying out the google task app.
I had yummy tomato soup and a toasted english muffin for lunch.
I got a haircut that I really needed!
And I had this problem where I was invited to go to a conference, but I wasn’t listed as a presenter because the organizer of our panel had invited too many people. I couldn’t get funding without being *officially in the program* and it’s across the country. But then the organizer fixed it and now I can get funding!
Made it through going to a wake without crying way more than the actual family members, for once. Which maybe sounds cold, but I am forever mortified by not even being able to offer condolences because my throat usually closes up with tears. The secret was apparently getting way hopped up on caffeine via the Thai iced coffee I had at lunch.
Both of the professors from whom I requested letters of rec for grad school told me they’d submit them within a week.
I fixed a bug at work that’s been plaguing me for a while.
Thanks for sharing your small victories too 🙂 two dissertations! You go, toastie!
No worries love! We could all do with a little glow-bask once in a while. Well done you 🙂 Yep, it’s going to be a lot of work but I’m really happy with my projects, and I definitely got the right supervisors in the end… I’m waaaaay too excited about this!
You have two dissertations?
BASICALLY I have 1×10,000 word compulsory dissertation and then a choice of 3x 20 week courses with two essays and an exam each, or 2x 20 week courses and 1×5,000 word dissertation. I went with the baby dissertation because I haaaaaaaate exams and it means I get to do an extradepartmental fun module as well! I’m taking a history course on colonialism and museums and I’m very excited.
And you probably didn’t want to know the details of my course structure but there they are.
I got a database query to do the thing I wanted and didn’t even break it in the process!
I finished a WHOLE TUBE OF LIP BALM
WHAT
Now that is an accomplishment. How in the world did you manage without either losing it or laundering it?
My secret is I keep it on my desk at work! This is the biggest small victory of my life, tbh.
YOU ARE THE MOST GLORIOUS OF US ALL
My jeans fit the same way they did six months ago without much work or thought on my part. It’s been a long time since I could say that.
How does one go about asking for a raise? and is being at a company for a year a good enough reason to ask for one?
I’ve been looking at other jobs, and they all pay higher than mine, but I don’t know if that’s a good argument to use?
Halp. They don’t teach this stuff at school.
I think after a year, you can absolutely present market research, especially if you have a review coming. “In preparation for my review, I have done some research on prevailing wages for [your job title here], and it seems that my current salary comes in about X% less than median. I’d appreciate if this can be taken into consideration, along with [all your awesome accomplishments] when considering next year’s salaries.”
Asking for a raise is so stressful and can be awkward! Although time at a company is not necessarily a good enough reason to receive a raise, go into the meeting with a list of your accomplishments over the past year. Specifically…
– Look at your original job description. What are you doing that is currently above and beyond that job description? Highlight those increased responsibilities
– What “value-added” things have you accomplished in your time at the company? (“I created and maintained the newsletter that we previously didn’t have”, “I updated the marketing strategy for Event X, which led to 1 million more registered attendees than the year before”, “I contributed to writing on three articles that were accepted into peer-reviewed journal”, etc). Quantitative results are helpful
– You may find success with ” I’ve been doing a little research, and the market value for this position with my qualifications is $X. I really enjoy my position here at Company Q, but I’d like to discuss increasing my salary to be commensurate with my qualifications.”
Good luck!! Asking for a raise is SO empowering, even if they don’t give it to you.
I’d say that’s definitely a good argument to use, as long as it’s not presented in a way where you’re saying you’re looking to peace out and get one of those jobs vs just using it as evidence of what the work you do is worth. Also, sit down and work up a list of good work you’ve done for the company and specific examples of ways your work has benefitted them. Be as specific as possible. Maybe rehearse what you’re going to say to a friend first so you can test out how it sounds. Good luck!
I think there’s a culture thing here between the UK and US, cause walking in with a job offer and asking for a counter from your current company is common practice here, so I think saying ‘I’ve seen jobs similar to mine that are paying X, I would like that please’ would be ok. But then I’m never sure about anything when it comes to work, someone told me recently to double my current salary and ask for that. But I am not that brave.
Urgh, this is so hard. I think one of the things to remember is just having been there for a year doesn’t mean in their minds that you should have a raise. Make a list of the stuff you have done well this year – things that show you have gone above and beyond and use that to show why you are worth investing in. More practically ask for a review – you might find they were planning on giving you one anyway and if not it’s a good time to raise “I’ve really excelled at this, this and this in the past year and I was hoping to discuss my position at the company…” and then segway seamlessly into GIVE ME MORE MONEY.
How does the review system work at your company? If you’ve been there a year, you are probably due for a review and a cost of living raise at the very least. That might not be as much as your hoping for, but it shouldn’t be coming out of left field that you’re brining it up at your employment anniversary, and they might already be thinking about it.
For various reason I probably don’t have a review scheduled until January, and to be honest, if nothing changes by January I’ll be leaving.
My 1 year permanent is the start of November (but I’ve been with company 18 months, I was an intern for 6 months first), so I think it should be OK to ask for a review. But I’m anxious about formally asking for a meeting, I think my boss is cool enough that I could just ask for a causal chat, its just getting up the courage to ask for it!
Sad to hear about whatever disaster has come your way, Nicole. Good vibes right back atcha.
In other news, on an official Facebook fast (long overdue) to keep myself from having an aneurysm over the hate-filled posts about what’s going on in Israel/Palestine. I thought acknowledging the injustices of the occupation does not equal justifying terrorism, but apparently I’m wrong and also a self-hating Jew. Fun!
I have a good friend from college who converted. And not just to like secular, cultural Judaism, but full-on Orthodoxy. Which, fine. You do you.
But this dear woman—who is typically so thoughtful, perceptive and concerned with social justice—has been spouting some of the ugliest anti-Arab vitriol I have ever read. And woe to the non-Jewish friend who mentions that continuing to build settlements might (might!) be an understandable provocation.
I’m Orthodox, lived on a settlement in Israel (run by a legendary peace activist rabbi🙂 , and I still agree with you. But this woman’s Orthodoxy is not what made her anti-Arab, for the record. There are plenty of religious Jews and Muslims out there proving that religion can be used for peacebuilding, not hate. They’re marginalized and need support, and so I bristle at assumptions that religion = hate. And besides, there’s no shortage of anti-Arab and anti-Jewish secular people.
I apologize. I realized after I posted that what I wrote made it sound like I objected to her Orthodoxy. That’s not the issue for me at all. I was just trying to better illustrate what I understand to be her worldview in shorthand, given that she is the only Orthodox person I know well. It sounds like I need to educate myself better about the Many Ways to Be a Jew.
Of course, this kind of discussion is exactly why you are Facebook Fasting, huh? 🙁
Anyway – the thing that I object to is the blind spot that her allegiance to her faith seems to have created, especially in a woman whose opinions I respect in every other way. It is hard for me to reconcile her insights about humane, G-dly approaches to the situation in Ferguson (for example) with the incredibly hateful and accusatory things she says about Palestinians. *I* am the non-Jewish friend who asked about the settlements and was then accused of being antisemitic.
Oy. Fucking people. You can tell your friend that this Orthodox Jew says she’s being an asshole.
AND I would argue, having been there recently, that when Palestinians and Israelis get together, that the religion piece can and often is THE starting place for empathy and sharing rather than the usual screaming in each others’ faces.
Also, *hugs* sister. There are many of us out there who are Zionists who want an end to the occupation. You’re not alone.
to be clear: the bartender is NOT Nicole. However, Nicole is a big/huge/ginormous part of light and generosity in the bartender’s life!
I’ve been watching SO MUCH NETFLIX lately.
The Fall (Omg, you guys. Just, omg.)
Longmire (Dad Magazine: The Show. Also, Katee Sackhoff.)
Black Mirror (Interpreting this as “a show about the downfalls of technology” is off-base and shortsighted: discuss.)
Twin Peaks (Because improving my understanding of The Simpsons is absolutely a valid reason to watch an entire series.)
Columbo (I just started this last night!)
My entire knowledge of Twin Peaks comes from the Simpsons.
See, I was totally expecting to have trouble following the show based on that scene! But I didn’t! It was a weird-ass show for sure, but I always understood more or less what was going on! What a ripoff.
This suit burns better!
I think you are right, and Black Mirror is more about ( a rather cynical but maybe not inaccurate) view of human nature and technology facilitating what we already want to do.
I’m just feeling a little indignant because back when it first came out, a friend described it to me as being about the dangers of too much technology and gave the episode where that abusive shitheel becomes obsessed with finding out whether his wife is cheating on him as an example, and I told him that that sounded alarmist. And then I finally watched the show and discovered that HE was the one being an alarmist, and the show is way more nuanced.
But “technology facilitating what we already want to do” is a succinct and way more accurate interpretation.
When I explain Black Mirror to people (and I only recommend it to people I think would be into disturbing dystopian depressing stuff because otherwise that would go badly) I generally characterize it as a show that delves into how technology feeds into our darker impulses and human behavior.
Oh man, I got one and a half episodes in and noped right out.
My Dad loves Longmire, so so much. Looooooves it.
It is the daddest show in the entire world. I can hardly believe it sometimes.
Top Of The Lake!!!
It’s amazing and compleletly women centric and its only flaw is how short it is!!
I will keep this in mind!
Black Mirror reminds me of Shirley Jackson’s stories, in a weird way. It’s about the banality of evil in humans, not particularly noticeable at first, but devastating when given the opportunity to rear its head.
Cat thread
I’ve no stunning new pictures of Gomez or Casimir Pulaskitty, but in cat news my younger sister got herself a new cat to be apprenticed to Jamie (who can be found on Instagram as creampuffwolverine). While in the adoption center the best cat of all time was seen.
This cat has seen shit that’ll turn you white. 
Behold.
Janie and Pye continue to adorable 7 month old kittens.
I found Pye’s doppleganger in my new tarot deck (cat’s eye tarot!). She decided to chew it.
Janie likes to snuggle under blankets.
Pye (and janie!) has decided that sitting immediately behind me in the chair is the most perfect spot ever.
Let’s be real, these two are just the cutest when being snuggly.
AAAAAAAAAAH another #ToastieTortie!!
For your excitement, I hereby gift you one of my favorite pictures of her:
Her full name is Capt. Cathryn Janeway, so yes! #toastietortie indeed!
I have a new foster kitten.
Imagine the pefect kitten. Got it? Good. Now add a limp.
Behold:
So pretty!
This is Atticus, caught in the middle of evicting Gertie from a particularly desirable napping location. Gertie suffers, y’all.
adopt my foster kittens if you’re in LA! they are so so cute and sweet, in tweets here: @heatherparlato
it rained last week, and all my little foster kittens were excited to watch the birdies outside:
also, this cuddly guy:
FLUFFY EARS!
Spooky prefers the dog bed:
He’s getting so big!
We were away for vacation for two weeks, and when we got back we went ‘oh no! you’re all big now!’.
Also he looked like a snake that had just swallowed a meal as apparently he had eaten all the food my sister had left out for him for two days in one go.
Love your kitty thread! (And sorry to read about your family’s turkeys, losing livestock to predators is devastating). And judging by the size of that shaved area, that cat has seen some shit…some real serious shit.
Seriously. I have no idea what that cat went through, but it was clearly intense.
See those eyes so green? She can stare for a thousand years.
Please tell me that is the cat your sister adopted.
No. While Jeepers Creepers did have some awesome peepers, she wasn’t exactly the friendliest thing. Instead my sister went for big, dumb and sweet.
https://instagram.com/p/8rGc_7JK6g/
that really is the witchiest witch cat of cats.
I’m inclined to be afraid to link to my actual instagram but also I have video of Hamburglar!
clicky for squeaky meow!
He is getting a lot braver and super squeaky. Yesterday he followed me around the bedroom. He’s still Very Shy and Hides under the Bed a lot but he’s also getting hella brave and I’m so proud of him you guyyys <3 <3 <3
so squeaky! He’s adorable.
Good squeak!
Yay for petting and for coming out from under the bed!
Darling!
ADORABLE!! He looks just like Jiji from Kiki’s Delivery Service!
I have recently acquired a fluffmonster of a cat, but I do not know how to post photos. Can anyone assist?
You need to have them hosted somewhere, then you can post an image using img (details at: http://www.w3schools.com/tags/tag_img.asp).
Thank you! Here is the aforementioned fluffmonster!
Soooo fluffffyyy
Yeeeesssssss floofy floof monster
Congrats on your new fur buddy! I also have a long-haired tortie who is referred to as the fluffmonster. Here she has discovered the warmest place to sit is directly on top of the heating vent.
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ermahgerd, flerf mernster!
Klaas-Jan is, as always, just putting up with me.
Mwahahahahahahaha!
20 minutes into sunbeams and chill and she gives you this look:
(Anise and Ascher, littermates, opposites. Yay! I finally arrived equipped for a cat thread!)
Haley and her freckle-nose
I have symmetricats both awake
and asleep
I love copycats! Mine do it all the time–sometimes exact copies, sometimes mirror images–and I always chalked it up to their being sisters. Are yours related or do they just like to match?
Brother and sister. They are much more matchy-matchy in winter when they spend most of the time cuddled up!
I just adopted an adorable cat from a few of my friends, who were going to keep her and then discovered that she dislikes Boy Cats. Clearly this is a lady who understands how misandry works. Also, she is precious.
Good vibes back to the Bartender and all the other Toasts who are having A WEEK. There’s a whole bunch of uncertainty in my life at the moment and I’m trying not to panic prematurely while still making good decisions. What are your techniques for keeping distress and despair at bay, Toastfriends?
One. Thing. At. A. Time.
I make a list, then repeat the above mantra. I’m allowed to rewrite the list, reorder priorities, but I must repeat the mantra. YMMV. Good luck.
The Vicar of Dibley in the evening with a cup of tea and biscuits. Going for a walk with an audiobook so you don’t have to think about life, and also because walks are helpful. If possible, setting a point in the evening when you don’t have to do any more life activities, and then taking a bath and reading a book instead of trying to look at jobs or for an apartment or sorting through your taxes.
I am having an incredibly stressful YEAR. I have this down.
Walks are always helpful. I hope your year becomes less stressful!
What are your techniques for keeping distress and despair at bay, Toastfriends?
I NEVER CLAIMED TO BE A ROLE MODEL
Never change, you are a delight.
I go on a lot of walks. a lot. of. walks. and try to really notice- really, really notice – what’s around me. buildings, plants, babies, dogs, squirrels, the light on the tree, everything. that usually helps a lot.
<<hugs!!>>
Simon Snow!
I met a kitten today. Does anyone have name suggestions for a golden boy kitten? He’s not mine, sadly.
Rupert?
Terry Bradshaw recently made a considerable contribution to holding NFL people to higher standards regarding women. Terry Bradshaw might be the kitty’s name.
Awww kitten! When I was younger we had an orange cat named Gilbert, which I’ve been partial to as a cat name since. Cats do tend to name themselves though, just throw some names at him and see what sticks!
Waffles!
Kevin.
For anyone who saw my post last week, I got my period! Yay for me! No babies!
It’s been a slightly better but still emotional week. I have been sending emails back and forth with my “it’s complicated” friend/ex/fwb/etc., and they’ve been very helpful. I think we’re back to normal again, and probably a little closer for it all. And next week I go up to NY for a Zen retreat called a sesshin, which is an intensive period of meditation with silence and formal ceremonial meals. It’s great timing, I think.
I’m also trying to start running again. Anyone else using Zombies, Run!? It’s really been helping me stay motivated through my uber-slowness and side stitches.
I took a pregnancy test last Sunday morning (there were some weird waves of nausea), and after I took it wiped myself and find out my period had started. I always find these minor pregnancy “scares” very clarifying. I’m often waiting to be a tad disappointed at a negative result, like women often are in movies and tv, but I always just feel relief.
I love Zombies, Run! I have been slacking recently and haven’t been doing any of the stories, but I’m about halfway through season 2 so far.
Toasties! One of my best friends who I haven’t seen for months is visiting tomorrow, and I’m really excited to see him. (He’s bringing his dog too, who is an A+ excitable adolescent puppy.) Then, in the evening, a group of us are going round to some other friends’ new flat, to see what it’s like. It should be a lovely day. It hasn’t been the greatest of weeks, basically because of worrying a lot about friends and work and stuff, and also making all the bad decisions, but hopefully tomorrow will be better.
What are other Toasties looking forward to over the weekend?
Hurrah for friends and excitable adolescent puppies! Give that puppy some belly rubs for me.
I have a Saturday off for the first time in forever, and I’m skyping with friends who live abroad and then brunching and museum-ing with some lovely people who I do not see often enough, and to top it all off the cold from hell (which came with bonus pink eye) is finally going away!
The puppy is rather demanding, so I may not have a choice. Not that I want one…
Yay! That sounds like a fantastic way to enjoy a day off: days off are very precious things. I hope your cold clears up completely by the time Skype and brunch comes around.
I am suuuuper looking forward to going to the Art and Wine Walk tonight in the village between my office and my house. Free wine, socializing, little food bites, and the inevitable pouring rain make for a pretty awesome comrades-in-arms experience.
That sounds very exciting! Free food and people! What does the Art part involve?
The shops all have an artist of some kind display their wares. I’ve seen everything from authors/illustrators to chefs to people tying fishing flies at this one.
What are other Toasties looking forward to over the weekend?
YES! I am very excited to see this.
One of my best friends from college will shortly be boarding a bus from Boston (where he lives) to NYC (where I live!!) for a weekend visit! He is staying with me, and I am very excited for us to attempt the Hamilton lottery three times. Twice on Saturday, once on Sunday. UNLESS WE WIN in which case we will get to SEE HAMILTON. I would love to be with this friend when he sees Hamilton, it would be a JOY.
Some of my relatives are visiting me at my university town tomorrow! They have given me exactly zero indication of what they want to do during their trip, so I guess I’m going to play it by ear.
I’m also maybe going to a party hosted by a former flatmate. My relationship with him was kind of unhealthy last year (we both had some issues) but hopefully now we are building a new relationship as friends who are still close, but don’t live together…
My banjo teacher is playing in the orchestra for this weekend’s production of Threepenny Opera at Boston Conservatory. I’m going to the Sunday matinee.
If anyone needs a misandrist anthem that openly refers to taking to the sea, check out Lotte Lenya’s performance of Pirate Jenny in the thirties German film version of Threepenny Opera. DVD available from Criterion, and HuluPlus has it as well.
My friend’s brothers are visiting our city this weekend – and this trio of brothers are (in)famous in our hometown for throwing loud, AMAZING parties that stop just shy of getting the cops called. I am heading over there for a bonfire tonight and I expect I won’t be home until Monday after work. Sometimes you just need a little chaos, you know?
Does anyone do the capsule wardrobe thing? I’ve been seriously considering it but I don’t know anyone IRL who’s brain I can pick. Pros/Cons? Tips/tricks??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R-0a0xlyXQ Watch this girl! I cannot get enough of her channel, she’s got great tips and shows each new capsule she does (her house tours are insane) – I haven’t taken it this far but it’s definitely helped me pare down my wardrobe and think about things before I bring them home.
I don’t know why I didn’t think to check youtube! Thanks!
I had never heard of that before, but after some googling I’m definitely interested too!
I am old and boring, so I have only black pants, black socks, and black shoes. I have 5 pair of black slacks suitable for the office. Then I have a couple dozen tops that go with black pants and go with each other. So not as complicated as some of the stuff you see in magazines, just black bottoms and coordinating tops. It’s been working pretty well for me so far over the past few years.
http://into-mind.com/ is a little bit fancy but she has some good articles
I’ve always been interested because I am super lazy about pairing things and just want everything to go with everything else, but then I remember how much I hate doing laundry and give up.
I have not done this, but my one organized friend has and she is all about it. She used this lady’s blog for resources: http://www.un-fancy.com/capsule-wardrobe-101/free…
does having a wardrobe consisting of 90% black/grey/silver AND not having a shit-ton of clothes count as “capsule”?
’cause that’s how i live and it’s FABULOUS. everything matches, all of my accessories work with all of my clothes, and it’s easy to transition from season to season. everything fits on one rod in the closet and a 5 drawer dresser (2 drawers of which are for socks and underthings.)
most of my turnover is related to my fickleness for shirt styles. i buy 4 or 5 new shirts each season and get rid of the same number. i refer to it as my “goodwill catch & release program”. though, i do now occasionally splurge on one fancy thing if i find i’m sticking with a certain style for many seasons (i’m looking at you Perfect Gray T-Shirt.)
Toasties, I just wanted to be sure that all of you are aware of the HAMILTON CAST ALBUM LIVE TWEET planned by the fabulous women of Two Bossy Dames, one of my favorite Tinyletters. Act One at 8pm Eastern on Sunday, Act Two at the same time on Monday. #Hamildames. See you there?
Absolutely! I was prepared to call out of work if need be, but as luck would have it I was not scheduled either night–huzzah! \o/
Toasties! Tell me about your NovaSure ablation procedure! My gyn has recommended this to me but I am EXTREMELY conflicted and am not at all sure it’s the right decision for me. Here’s the issues, in a handy numbered list:
1. I have very painful and very heavy periods, BUT the heavy/painful part only lasts 1-2 days, and my periods only come every 33 days or so.
2. I also have a Mystery Pain on my right side, near my hip. It’s not an ovarian issue or fibroids, nor is it gallbladder or appendix. My gyn thinks if I get the ablation done, it “might” help. I am dubious, because I know what my cramps feel like and it’s not that.
3. My gyn has been really weirdly pushy about getting the procedure done, even after I said I don’t think Mystery Pain is related to my uterus. Also, it’s one of those offices that has ads for like, Botox and chemical peels and stuff, which I HATE.
4. I’m never having kids, my spouse has had a vasectomy, but I am conflicted about giving up that ability. I know it makes no sense, but I feel very weird about it!
I should probably find a new doc to get a second opinion, but it’s SO HARD, and also — I could just call this office back and get the ablation done and THEN find a new doctor to try to figure out this Mystery Pain. What should I do? Have you had this procedure done? My one friend who had it loves it and hasn’t had any complications but maybe others have different experiences? Ughhh.
are you on any type of birth control, or are you averse to it? my hormones changed as i got older and my periods went from medium to totally terrible, and though it’s low dosage, the nuva ring completely fixed it. this was after trying 3 different kinds of pills, which my hormones just laughed at and had periods every 2 weeks anyway. it was truly insane.
my understanding about ablation is that it’s more for stopping unwanted growth in the uterus, like for fibroids or endometriosis. if you don’t have a clear diagnosis for that, i’d say it seems like a drastic measure and maybe you want a 2nd opinion.
Oh, sorry, I should have clarified — I can’t take hormonal birth control because it does not play nice with my migraines.
Yeah my sense is that my gyn does the ablation a TON, for, like, convenience rather than for any serious conditions. I mean, I don’t think “one day of heavy bleeding with severe cramps” comes even close to what the procedure is really for. And I am NOT comfortable with this whole “it MIGHT help the Mystery Pain, let’s just do it and see” thing…. I’m not feeling it, and I’m not feeling how pushy the doc was.
Then don’t do it. Find a different OB/GYN if you possibly, possibly can. It sounds like you’re skeeved out by the doc and the practice as a whole, and that’s no good. Trust your gut on this one.
Yeah but I kind of don’t want periods anymore…… Hence the conflict.
But yeah I think finding a different doctor to talk all this through with would be the best option. My friend who had it done was literally passing out from blood loss, and mine are not anywhere near as bad.
Ok, I decided to take your advice and to trust my gut, especially since the more I wrote about this the worse I felt about that practice, so I just called and made an appointment with my old old OLD gynecologist from, like, seven years ago to talk this all over with. He was really great and compassionate, and hopefully he can help me figure out what to do next to address Mystery Pain and maybe help me out with some better painkillers or something for the cramps.
Sounds like a good plan. I hope you get this figured out!
I have not had that, but also believe strongly in not consenting to medical procedures when I’m not comfortable. I think that it’s a good idea to keep this in your back pocket and seek out another opinion. Doctors are very smart, but sometimes they don’t get everything right in regards to what works best for individual patients.
Hi! I did not have an ablation procedure done, but my very best friend had a NovaSure ablation done and unfortunately it did not work for her. In my own experience a second opinion never hurts.
I had a hysterctomy myself this summer as I was also having lots of wierd issues, heavy bleeding, pain and enlarged uterus which wound up being fibroids, cysts on my tubes (!) and adenomyosis. I went for a second opinion and the doctor wound up recommending the surgery too. I am glad I went for the second opinion even though it was exactly the same as the first!
I have had two kids, and I knew for myself that baby making was over for me at this point, but the mind I think can still process something as a loss, even when you know it isn’t a loss, if that makes sense. I found myself getting a bit wistful about babies but I think that is natural.
Good luck!
I am interested in your Mystery Pain. I also have Mystery Pain—same place, same lack of clear diagnosis. I’ve had all the invasive and non-invasive tests to know it isn’t appendicitis or PCOS. I can sometimes relieve it by forcefully digging a couple fingers into my actual hip joint and holding them there… probably because I am shutting off blood flow or maybe irritating some other nerve that takes the focus off the pain.
Anyway, my OBGYN has not recommended ablation as a solution. She hasn’t suggested it or even brought it up as an option. So I guess that’s another data point for you that there may be a second opinion out there?
Ugh, doctors.
I would try to get a second opinion, from a NaPro doctor (naprotechnology.com) if you can. They tend to be low-intervention when possible, but the main reason I recommend NaPro is they’re very serious about actually diagnosing you and then providing whatever drugs/surgery/whatever targets the specific condition you now know you have. I know several people who have a lot of success with this.
Have you had GI issues ruled out? I had a mysterious never-diagnosed intermittent pain in the gyno-adjacent area for ages, had ultrasounds, etc. Turns out my colon had problems. Colon fixed = no more pain. Or, more accurately, no more of that pain. Still had heavy periods, but just the regular amount of pain I’d always had.
No — just the gall bladder was looked at. I’ll see what the new/old doc comes up with. It wouldn’t surprise me to have colon issues — my pooping situation is kind of a disaster (I’m on long-term PPIs for GERD and it causes bad poop situations).
I’ve had all those symptoms, minus “very painful” and What’s UP with the right side near the hip Mystery Pain? I cannot get this diagnosed. Best non-diagnosis so far is, “the right hip represents male violation, so you’re literally feeling that men are a thorn in your side.” Okaayyy.
There was a time in my 30s, after having dear son, that my gyn recommended the ablation procedure, but I never followed up. Now I’m too old to worry about such things.
Would someone like to give book recommendations? I’m meeting my fam in Mexico over Christmas, and my brother is bringing his amazing new GF. She’s a top ranked competitive surfer, and a writer and photographer with some published work. I always bring my bro a book for a gift, and I’d like to bring something for her as well. I don’t think she’s read a ton, and I was leaning towards non-fiction – I just lent her “Devil in the White City’ and she seemed stoked. Thoughts?
I cannot recommend Etta and Otto and Russell and James highly enough. It is fiction, so maybe not exactly right, but I can honestly say that I’ve never read a book like it. And I have read a bunch of books! It made me sob on a plane when I finished it, and it kept my fiance up all night thinking about love when he finished it, so.
For non-fiction, I very much enjoyed Liar, Temptress, Solider, Spy by Karen Abbott about female spies during the Civil War. I think she did an interview for the Toast when it came out, actually!
Well she seems pretty amazing!
Hmmmm…. books. What about something about an adventure-sports-type person, like Into Thin Air or perhaps something more recent/cooler/less disastrous?
yeah, that’s sort of what I was thinking, except my brother just gave her Into Thin Air. That book! I recently re-read it, and man it got to me.
She’s is amazing! I’m going to get her to make me an amazing surfer in the three weeks we’re down.
I just googled “female sports book nonfiction” and found this list, which might be of assistance? http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/82118.Non_Fict…
I feel all chuffed that I am on the right track!
If she liked Devil in the White City, I would maybe go with The Poisoner’s Handbook: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Medicine in Jazz Age New York by Deborah Blum OR anything by Karen Abbott (I know safvn recommended one already, but I also very much enjoyed Sin in the Second City: Madams, Ministers, Playboys, and the Battle for America’s Soul).
The Poisoner’s Handbook is so good!
My go-to recommendation is ‘At Home’ by Bill Bryson, because I think domestic life is fascinating and he’s a great writer.
Oh man. I read that book once several years ago and loved it. Thank you for reminding me of it, it’s precisely the kind of book I’m in the mood to read (and I just finished a book yesterday so I have that sort of lost feeling of finishing a new book and not know what to read next but WANTING to)
Anything by Oliver Sacks is fascinating non-fiction. Also, Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand is one of the most amazing stories out there (movie or no). The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown might be a good one too since is has water AND sports!
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr is what I’ve been recommending to anyone who will listen. It is beautiful and amazing in every way, the NY Times thinks so too.
Anyone else in Austin going to the Texas Book Festival? I tried making myself a potential schedule and there were at least two different things in every time block that interested me. >.< My only must-dos are the panel with Daniel José Older and the couple of comics panels. Tell me yours!!
You guys, Netflix is really pushing the boat out to get at that tasty Euro market.
To wit, NetflixFest: 5 days of movies and TV shows shown in theme-appropriate spots around Paris.
Today, The Avengers in the Paris sewers (with interns running around in costumes making creepy noises):
Next week, Sense8 at the Communist party headquarters.
I wasn’t quick enough to get tickets for romcoms on the Eiffel Tower or thrillers on a platform suspended 20 meters in the air, but still, pretty happy with the experience.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT GAME 5 OF THE ALDS / THE BAUTISTA BAT FLIP.
I have a lot of feelings. Mostly about when sports become a way to experience a huge gamut of human emotion.
Oh man I didn’t get to watch the game, but what a crazy inning!! I’m happy for the Blue Jays; as an O’s fan I had a disappointing season, but if someone else has to win the division, I’m glad it’s them. And I’m pretty sure sports has always been like this…I was actually discussing with my closest O’s fan friend how it’s not so bad to enjoy the postseason ride without the extremely painful emotional investment you have when your team’s in it…
It was the CRAZIEST inning. I missed the top, but came into the boardroom at work where we were watching in time to see the Jays offence and it was AMAZING.
I think I imprinted on that bat flip like a baby duck.
RIGHT?
My betrothed and I keep staying up late to discuss it. It’s such a… metaphor. So cathartic. So many feelings. So much experiencing greatness and anger and relief and elation and and and as a spectator. It’s WHY you watch sports.
I am quite new to baseball, but I firmly Do Not Get folks calling the bat flip “classless”. If you are not watching pro sports for the drama and theatricality and humanity of it all, WTF are you even watching for? GOD, DO YOU HATE JOY THAT MUCH???
(I mean, my sympathies to Rangers fans, but.)
I’ll start by saying I don’t watch a ton of baseball, but…
I am unapologetically in love with everything about the Bautista bat flip. I’m tired of unwritten rules – especially those that result in people being hit in the head with baseballs. Get ahold of your delicate manfeels, pitchers and the rest of Baseball’s Old Guard, and enjoy someone doing something amazing and (GOD FORBID) celebrating it! If being really good at the game and celebrating the biggest moments in your career isn’t “playing the game the right way,” then the game is broken and needs to be fixed.
Also, Bautista was the first (and so far only?) professional athlete to follow my sports-specific Twitter account, so he gets a lifetime pass.
THAT ENTIRE SEVENTH INNING. I think, even two days later, my brain is still recovering.
I mean, the Blue Jays pretty much have the weight of Canada on their shoulders right now, and if that seventh inning is any indication of how the ALCS is going to go? OMG.
I WAS THERE AND IT WAS B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(no, I did not throw anything onto the field)
“… Wait, are we booing ‘Take Me Out To The Ball Game’?”
Fanfic thread: Shameless self promotion version
Share something you’ve written – old, new, wip…
To go with the Luna post earlier in the week: 20 Truths About Scorpius Malfoy, by yours truly. http://archiveofourown.org/works/107212
Unlocked for the next week or so. Trigger warnings for allusion to threatened sexual assualt.
Here’s a piece from my HP fic blog that I’m particularly fond of:
http://flourishandblottsstories.tumblr.com/post/1…
I love pretty much all the pieces on there (especially some of the ones from other contributors) so feel free to wander through it!
Ooh! I like that. And the one about the felix potion too.
That piece is fantastic. It may have made me tear up a little. Maybe.
Thank you! I seem to specialize in things that make other people cry, which was certainly not my intention when I started writing those.
Omg, these are so great. That Lupin and Tonks one…*sad pterodactyl sounds*
Do you mind if I tumblr follow your fic blog?
Of course you can! I haven’t written a piece in ages (the two most recent ones are from another contributor), but I’m hoping to thrown something short up soon!
ETA: thank you for this little kick in the butt, because I was FINALLY able to find some kind of inspiration and write something short and sweet! I feel soooooo much better!
I’m angelan over on ao3, too. I’m not really a writer, I just like writing short silly things, of which this:
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3416852 jupiter ascending thing is probably the silliest.
Wow, that is super-delightful!!
Too hard to choose one! Here are two of my favorite of my short Hobbit fics:
(Edit: oh right, these are both rated All Ages, there is nothing salacious in them.)
The Best Part of Courting – Bofur/girl!Bilbo, post-canon – dwarf courtship is weird and complicated, but this bit is nice
https://archiveofourown.org/works/905619
Shomakhel — Thorin/Dwalin, post-canon, everyone-lives AU – Thorin is TERRIBLE AT FEELINGS
https://archiveofourown.org/works/919458
I just closed on my house yesterday and I’m treating myself by taking a half day to go see Crimson Peak this afternoon. Sooooo excited 🙂
Congraaaaats!!!
Woo! Congrats!
Congrats! I loved Crimson Peak!
congrats! we just celebrated our first year in our home and i still can’t believe what we went through to get it. cheers to you!
CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations! I closed on my own home sale today. Currently enjoying a hot fudge sundae amidst the Halloween tourists at Salem Screamery. The check amount was almost exactly the purchase price of the house 17 years ago. 🙂
Also, Toastrons! I am SMOKIN busy at work – like I’m regularly BILLING 50-60 hours a week right now.
And my mother-in-law(to be) is coming to town to stay in our home for the first time this weekend, something she has assiduously avoided for the last 3 years. She is nice. But she is very *clean*. And pretty joyless?
And I have decided that the right thing to do is throw a 25 person thanksgiving dinner party tomorrow night.
Send me your good thoughts / chides about over-committing and exhausting oneself emotionally.
I have basically not slept a full night in two weeks so I FEEL YOU. A few months ago I committed to a whole lot of work/academic/scheduling things that I thought would be fine but it turns out that it is really hard to juggle all of them at once and now I am exhausted.
However, that Thanksgiving plan is…you are very…ambitious? Godspeed.
Ugh, I feel you. My future stepmother in law does performative martrydom, where she surveys her spotless home and sighs “I am absolutely mortified for you to see my home in such a dirty state.” I am frankly shocked that she is staying with us again this year after we subjected her a home that was not vacuumed and dusted daily last year.
ohhh performative martyrdom – that’s the best description I’ve ever heard for this phenomenon.
<3 <3 to all of you
I just came back from Iceland, where I rode horses and herded sheep for a week and then went to see all the tourist stuff, including the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery and Witchcraft! It was excellent.
Edit: Um, forgot to mention that I got engaged in Iceland too. So!
Uh please explain to me how I can be an Icelandic shepherd for a week?? That sounds like the best vacation.
Here you go: http://www.ishestar.is/tours/sheep-round-landmann…
It was a fairly rugged experience overall and they aren’t kidding when they say it is for experienced riders. The tour group joins a large group of farmers to help them retrieve their sheep from summer grazing. Lots of riding and hiking up and down mountains, yelling weird noises at sheep, and drinking swigs of mystery liquor from random hip flasks. My friend and I were the only Americans on the trip; the other riders were from Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Sweden and the UK. Really great group of people and the farmers could not have been more gracious.
Ah, I have virtually no horse riding experience. I misread the horse riding and sheep herding as separate vacation aspects. Still sounds absolutely amazing!
The horse riding is when the sheep are brought down from the mountains, but once they’re gathered together there’s another part that’s just separating them by owner called the “réttir” that anyone can help with. Here’s a little more on that: http://www.reykjavik.com/rettir-the-annual-icelan…
i can’t ride a horse but i will MORE THAN HAPPILY spend a week in Iceland wresting, erm sorting, sheep and drinking mystery booze *adds to Vacay List*
That looks amazing! Also, congratulations!
Thank you 🙂
My new goal in life is to gain enough horseback riding experience to participate in this.
Do it!
Oh my GOD I want to do this. Do you have to, like, ride everyday in your regular life in order to be qualified? I have pretty reasonable horseback skills/experience but am not at a competitive level, nor do I actually live near horses.
If that were true, there’s no way they would have let me go! I used to ride quite a bit in high school/college and was pretty competent on the flat (and some jumping), but that was in, like, 19-dickety-9. Now I ride 2-3 times a year at most.
I did feel like I was slightly underprepared in terms of fitness, but it was nothing that a month or two of schooling couldn’t have solved and ultimately it was not a big deal. You would be surprised how much that old training sticks with you! I wasn’t nearly as sore as I expected to be. There was quite a bit of riding up and down VERY steep slopes, which was not something I had done before, and the Icelanders aren’t big on giving instructions, so I had to figure it out myself.
The horses are very good tempered and bombproof, however, so I never felt like I was in danger. They will take good care of you. You must be able to mount from the ground (be prepared to hop off and get back on a lot!) and be willing to endure cold/windy/rainy weather for hours at a time.
I assume they were icelandic horses–in which case, how did you like the tolt? I’ve never ridden one, but I’ve heard it’s a heap of fun to just sort of glide around at a high rate of speed, no posting required.
LOVE the tolt. I was slightly surprised (though I should not have been) that even Icelandic horses can be really lazy. I rode a couple that were hard to get into the gait and needed a bit of persuasion from a crop.
THIS SOUNDS AMAZING!
Penis museum?
Nah, I’ve seen those before.
Including 17 kinds of whale peen? Damn, lady, you’ve led a colorful life.
Overheard in the office this week
– One coworker who keeps talking about how she wants to take her kids to see The Martian but she’s concerned because the last time she took them to a movie, there was a lot of unexpected violence and sex. It’s a movie about a dude all alone on Mars! Who do you think he’ll be fucking and/or killing up there?
– Same coworker took a “short break” earlier today… to go to the salon for a haircut and blowout.
– Make sure you’re comfortable and have a snack and water handy because this one is going to get long:
The highlight of my week was definitely overhearing a series of conversations my cubicle neighbour had with some very unfortunate retail employees.
She called a shop and began to complain that she bought a pair of tights there 2 weeks ago, she’s been wearing them every day since, and they already have runs in them. This is unacceptable and she wants her money back! She was quite upset to hear that they don’t offer refunds for runs in tights, because it’s hardly HER fault they got runs in them! They’re selling a low-quality product and they are obligated to refund her! At this point I’m guessing the person on the other end suggested that she come in and speak to the manager, because my coworker said that “I’m not going to drive all the way there if you can’t guarantee I’ll get my money back! I have other things to do with my time!” After some more arguing, she snapped “THANKS FOR NOTHING” and slammed the phone down.
She poured the sad story to another coworker, who said that surely the provincial Consumer Protection Association has RULES about this stuff! Call them back and don’t give up so easily! Fight for your right to tights!
So she called back and demanded to speak to a manager right off the bat. She went through the whole situation to the manager. They got runs in them after only 2 weeks of daily wear! Does that sound normal to you? “The Consumer Protection Association has regulations about what constitutes reasonable product lifespan! I’m on their website right now and it doesn’t say anywhere that money-back guarantees don’t apply to sicks and hosiery too!” The manager feebly tried to explain that there is no way to prove that the runs are the result of manufacturing defects as opposed to normal wear and tear or improper use. “So you’re telling me that if you bought tires for your car and they got holes in them after just 2 weeks of driving, you wouldn’t expect your money back?” my coworker demanded, apparently forgetting in her rage that car tires are made of rubber and her tights were made of a single layer of silk. “You would think that was normal wear and tear?!”
AND THEN, MY FRIENDS, she threatened to slash the manager’s tires “and see how YOU like it!!!” and slammed the phone down again.
(Personally, I would probably not make threats to someone after just having repeatedly given them my full name and phone number. But I guess this is one of those YMMV things.)
The best part is that shortly after this, I got a wrong number call from a man who started giving me unnecessary attitude when I informed him that he had the wrong number. I grumbled, “People are stupid” after hanging up and my coworker said in a serene voice: “You shouldn’t get so upset about small things!”
YOU JUST THREATENED TO SLASH A STRANGER’S TIRES
OVER A PAIR OF TIGHTS
I’m not sure water was a strong enough drink for that story.
*blinks*
A latte was not strong enough either. I suddenly feel the need to leave work early and hit the honey moonshine that’s sitting in my pantry
I’m always so fascinated by people who think that things that are slightly unfair are, like, ILLEGAL. Ask A Manager has so many of these, and they’re always so weird.
Working for the federal government, I get a lot of messages from people who think that ____ is legislated/regulated by some government agency or other, and they are completely shocked to find out that’s not the case.
Today, for example, we received a complaint from a man who is angry that his small local grocery store (1) has scales set to imperial measurements and not metric (2) issues receipts that don’t have the full name of the products, just the general department (like deli, produce, etc). He wrote: “Is this the legal way of operating a business in Canada?” Like… bro… the government does have slightly more important things to do than pass legislation about grocery store scales. Get a grip.
Edit also note that my agency has absolutely nothing to do with groceries or anything even remotely related to groceries and this should be abundantly clear from our name.
I’m more weirded out that she wore the same pair of tights everyday for two weeks… ew
FOR. REAL.
I have done this, but with wool tights, which 1. take longer to get smelly 2. shrank when I washed them no matter how careful I was.
this is
this is
I
I
oh my
having a sense of proportion is hard work
I mean that’s amazing and totally bananas and obviously completely inappropriate antisocial behaviour, but I have to say, I have felt quite a lot of ire over tights myself. WHAT A RACKET. It annoys me to no end that I am constantly buying expensive garments that are essentially disposable. Pink tax indeed
This is why hose should be outlawed, imho.
hose before bros before…tire slashing, I guess
After buying many nice pairs of tights and being disappointed, I have settled for making a yearly trek to Nordstrom Rack and buying two pairs of fleece-lined footed tights (one black, one brown), and wearing wool socks over them as needed, for my cold-leg/feet winter needs. I also have a pair of black microfiber tights for cosplay in warmer climes, but they also have a waistband so tight it leaves marks, so that’s all they’re worn for.
I rarely wear tights other than in winter, so that helps. YMMV.
Well, there was a very racy scene in the Martian where one character kisses the helmet of another. So, you know, you can never be too careful, I guess.
Also, two of the characters were shown to have had a baby together, so there’s implied sex off-screen! Are a 13-year-old and an 11-year-old mature enough to deal with that?
To turn a well known phrase: Well, that escalated quickly. Seriously, slashing someone’s tires over a pair of tights? There’s a Lulelemon joke in here somewhere but holy cow, lady, not cool. NOT COOL AT ALL. And as a former retail worker, to turn another well known phrase: flames on the side of my face.
…………………………….. WOW.
Never stop posting these.
This is art.
This is crazypants, but your “YMMV” aside made me snort-laugh.
Ugh, I am so sorry! Research mistakes are THE MOST STRESSFUL, I cannot imagine. <3
ETA: This is meant to go with ppyajunebug’s post with the wolf blanket gif.
Everyone at my office is celebrating the Big Football Game and Boss’s Day today by not doing any work and eating chili, both of which I heartily endorse. People here generally seem to like their bosses, which is a nice situation in which to find one’s self. Tell me about the good bosses you’ve had, Toasties.
aw, is it Boss’s Day? My boss is great, but he’s also across the country atm for his father’s funeral, so :(((
Oh, THAT Big Game. 😉
I have had a couple of truly lovely bosses, but I think the best of them all was when I worked for Zingermans, and that’s all I can possibly say about it that translates at all over text. The rest devolves quickly into tears of gratitude and exuberant hand gestures.
Oh, Zingerman’s. If the bosses are anything like the catalogs, they must be like little pieces of heaven.
Yeah, THAT game. Our office has now devolved into prank-decorating cubicles.
Better. They are honest-to-God some of the best people I have ever known and there are several giant Life Things that have happened since my time there that are directly because of them. They taught me so, so much, never stopped (still haven’t stopped) being supportive. I’m proud to call them friends.
So long as no one has any paint balloons I think you’re safe. Probably.
No paint balloons in this vicinity. Just a lot of scotch tape and crepe paper.
Toasts.
I am a scientist and this week I fixed the big bad thing by increasing the temperature of the other thing by five degrees.
That is some A+ sciencing!
Thank you!
I feel a bit like a hastily resolved fanfic subplot.
Top notch sciencing! 😀
Most science.
OPTIMISING!
I salute your high-class sciencing!
Just sitting here at my desk, eating a bag of chips, watching the construction worker drill holes in the ceiling over the one place where plastic hasn’t been put down over the just-installed carpet. Is all that beige dust getting ground into the dark carpet? Yes. Am I saying anything? No. Did I just submit my resume to a headhunter? Yes. Am I going to be sorry to leave this place? No.
So I went to my doctor earlier this week because I am fat and it is making me feel bad. (Basically, I have a lot of the annoying but not life-threatening symptoms of metabolic syndrome. I don’t care about my weight and I’m satisfied with my appearance, but sleep apnea suuuuuuucks.)
So I asked her if we could just get together and brainstorm, and maybe since she is a doctor she knows things about the obesity epidemic and might have a more professional approach to weight loss than what I can find by googling.
No, she does not. There are no medical solutions, no mental health solutions and no support groups she would be comfortable recommending. And also she wouldn’t recommend looking into bariatric surgery because there isn’t any good data about what happens 10-20 years out.
And I went ahead and said to her, because I was really frustrated, basically: “If I had cancer or bipolar or a broken leg, there would be treatment options. You would be writing me a prescription and referring me to a specialist right now. But since I’m fat, literally the only thing you can do for my health is tell me to ‘try harder’?!”
That conversation was not worth the $20 copay.
Oh honey, I am so, so sorry. I went through that exact thing last year/into this year, and it took probably four visits, MONTHS of diet/exercise tracking, and several rounds of blood work before I finally just burst into tears in the office and started actually yelling at her to please, please, for the love of GOD just LISTEN. And she came back with a medication and I have been slowly but steadily losing.
Be persistent, be shouty and ragey, do whatever it takes. Your doc is there for YOU, so that the two of you can work together to find solutions. Sending you all sorts of love. This is so tough.
I just got a little teary reading your reply. It probably doesn’t feel like it to you, but it’s inspiring to read. This was visit #2 that was mostly about my weight. And this will be round 2 of lab work as well. Maybe I’m just on the road to her taking me seriously.
There is a part of me (this is horrible) that wants to game the system. Like, I am sure I can google what to eat or what medication to take before a lab test to make sure my numbers come back bad. Like, if I came back with ultra-low thyroid or super-high A1C, then she would DO something.
Which is stupid, because she should just do something anyway, because I thought I was being brave to acknowledge the problem and ask for help. 🙁
Also, as someone with hypothyroid who has needed to up my dosage a couple of times over the past five years, let me tell you, if you could game the system, it would be a bad idea. According to my fabulous former doctor, it can be just as dangerous if not more to be on too high a dosage.
I am sorry you are having so much trouble with your doctor, though! I hate that it sometimes comes to this type of thing, but for the time being it might be helpful to create a profile on something like myfitnesspal (free!) and start logging your calories and your exercise. That gives you something you can SHOW the doctor to be like, “look, I work out for X times a week and have been eating X calories for several weeks, and my numbers are not changing.”
That’s exactly what I did, and I also wrote her an extremely detailed email: I’m running three days a week, cut alcohol by 80%, cut added sugars by a lot, etc etc etc and still my pants don’t button, there is Something Else Happening Here. I hate hate hate MFP but it was really useful to show the doc that I was coming in at whatever calories/day/week and it wasn’t having any effect.
Yes, what OliviaPJones said — having too much thyroid hormone in your body can be extremely unpleasant, let alone dangerous. Do not try to lose weight by scoring levothyroxine. I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad about your body, but just know that size and weight are not the measure of health nor are they the measure of your worth as a person. You deserve your doctor to take you seriously, but I have to say, as a fat lady and a proponent of HAES who has heard just way too many stories of fat people being ignored by their doctors and having their legitimate health concerns dismissed as “due to being fat” wayyy too many times, I admire your doctor’s unwillingness to advise dangerous weight loss approaches.
This is exactly why I don’t visit the doctor. I’m so sorry this happened to you. 🙁
And this is one of the better doctors in my community! I chose her specifically because I know her to be open and progressive compared to her peers. I work in health care too, so it wasn’t like I went into this relationship blind. Health care in this country is a sad joke a lot of the time.
Ditto. I only see my modern western doctor when I need stitches or something surgically removed from my person.
That is horrible and I am so sorry she was so unhelpful. I have some metabolism issues, myself, so if you’re asking for non-medical professional opinions, I have some feelings and experience there. But if you’re just wanting pats and sympathy, I’ve got that for you, too.
I am really looking for both since I am greedy.
I can say that the one mildly helpful thing she did was say that there is some evidence that inflammation can cause a lot of the problems I’m having, and maybe I should try an elimination diet to see if I can isolate foods that trigger problems. She suggested buying one diet book because the recipes at the end are anti-inflammatory. So, you know, now I have doctor homework.
Well you certainly have ALL my sympathy hugs because I feel ya. And your doc is actually on the right track with the inflammation business. What she might have failed to communicate, though, was that emotional stress is another factor with body composition issues. Don’t waste your money on a book, though. There are tons of great articles and information on the internet for free.
Basic weight loss info from a reasonable guy I respect.
I know paleo eating isn’t for everyone, but the Whole9 people have a good article on leptin and weight loss
If you google “cortisol and weight” or “effects of chronic inflammation,” you’ll get tons of hits. Here’s one that didn’t look too sketchy.
I don’t know your eating habits, but if you already eat a whole-foods diet with minimal processed food (whether that’s paleo, vegetarian, whatever), and your soda/alcohol/caffeine intake is already minimal, try evaluating the stress in your life and how you can minimize it. Switch out that time at the gym for restorative yoga classes. Make a commitment to get to bed early/on time every night, even if that limits your social options. Stop paying so much attention to the news. Focus on positive things that you can do for change instead of obsessing over the tragedies of the world.
Thanks to shitty genetics and a lifelong eating disorder, I’ve been dealing with this sort of thing for a long, long time. It’s hard. It’s demoralizing. I know. And I’m happy to talk with you about this one-on-one if you ever want to. I’m clevermanka68 at gmail.
The med that I am currently on to deal with my weight issues is actually an SSRI + craving blocker (generally used in drug rehab). The theory is that serotonin and cortisol balance out; the net amount of the two hormones together is usually about the same, but if that balance skews toward having way more cortisol it’s impossible to lose weight, therefore, artificially boosting the serotonin levels will drive down the cortisol levels and voila.
I can’t say there was an immediate change but I’ve lost about 15 lbs since I started taking it, which was in early April.
Work is definitely my #1 stressor and I can’t imagine that I won’t drop a ton as soon as I can get out of here.
The whole “I am stressed because society tells me I am fat and then being stressed makes me unable to shed fat’ is such a nasty fucking cycle.
I hope you are able to lessen your overall stress sometime soon.
That’s really interesting!
I can’t really point to one particular stressor, but after learning about cognitive load from various podcasts, I decided that I needed to cut back on activities (even some that I enjoy), to make more space in my brain for good decisions. I gave up two social hobbies, and while I sometimes miss the people, I definitely don’t miss the work of navigating the relationships.
Next step down that road should probably be instituting an Official Bedtime and Sticking To It.
I had to cut way back on activities, too. Not just things like CrossFit, but also things like after-work drinks, evening movies, and basically anything that gets me in bed later than 9:30. And then this year I started altering my emotional stress levels by dealing with my constant levels of rage. Basically I haven’t listened to NPR since January and you should see my blacklist on TumblrSavior.
Best of luck to you and please keep us posted!
Oh, *toasthugs if you want them*. Screw that doctor.
“toasthugs” is delightful. May I use it?
I’d be delighted if you did!
You deserve better healthcare. Not that it’s available, though. Certainly not easily had. I’m sorry.
Whoa, that sucks and I’m so sorry. A good friend of mine had (very successful, one year out) lap band surgery but only convinced his doctor that it was necessary when it became clear that his anti-depressants were both saving his life and making him gain weight. It had to come down to suicide or surgery for the doctor to help him take active steps toward weight loss.
That sucks! It sucks even more that I’m not at all surprised.
I hope you find someone better, if you decide to go further down the medical road.
You need to find a doctor that specializes in medical weight loss. That does not necessarily mean weight loss through medications; it means weight loss without surgery. There is in fact a lot of good evidence about what type of exercise and eating help people lose weight. There is also a lot of research into what effect various hormones have on weight. Unfortunately, even if the doctor suspects or finds that you have an imbalance of a particular hormone, that might not be a problem that can be directly addressed–I mean, there may not be a pill for that. However, there are still things that you can do to work around your body’s metabolism quirks. You might have to visit a couple of clinics before you find one that is the right fit for you.
That would be wonderful. I should probably look in my insurance directory and figure out if such a physician exists in my area. On the bright side, I am told that my employer is instituting FREE health coaching and a nonsurgical weight loss program, but none of that will be available until next fiscal year. But since I am feeling motivated *now*, I don’t want to wait until Fall 2016!
Posting in case you are checking your replies: Ive been down this road too, in fact I consulted a nutritionist who was completely unhelpful. Weight Watchers worked for me. Specidically the meetings. I’m able to continue with Fitness Pal now, but I would say being in a group with a common goal helped. But, you should absolutely find another doctor if its possible. There may be hormonal reasons your body is not responding to your weight loss efforts. I hope you find the resources you are looking for!
I don’t know if you are at all interested in advice about the sleep apnea specifically and if you aren’t, that’s great and never mind! But if you are–there are appliances available, called elastic mandibular advancers, that you wear in your mouth like a retainer and that improve sleep breathing without the electric folderol of a CPAP unit. Usually you get one from a dentist rather than a doctor, so it might be worth seeing if there is anyone practicing dental sleep medicine in your area.
A ton of people still try CPAP first, because it’s considered the standard treatment, and don’t know about appliance therapy, but the appliances are a lot easier, more comfortable, and less invasive for many people, so it seems worth spreading the word on the Internet when relevant. But like I said, of course ignore this if you did not want to get apnea advice.
Thank you! Looking them up now!
I don’t have time to find the article now, but in class we read this article where they had tried a didgeridoo intervention for sleep apnea, and IIRC I think it worked? Apparently, playing the didgeridoo was good exercise for the muscles in your throat and soft palate, and tightening them up meant that the soft flappy bits stopped collapsing into people’s throats while they slept. I have no idea if the results held up or have been replicated, but the worst case scenario is that you learn a cool instrument… (dunno if it has to be the didgeridoo or if any wind instrument will do, or maybe it needs to be something with circular breathing)
Toasties, I am encountering a situation that triggers unreasonable anxiety in me and I’m not sure what to do with it. I find it very upsetting when people express that they are attracted to me, especially if it is in the manner of a continued, socially-acceptable infatuation. I get really worked up about it and overthink every interaction and want to avoid that person as much as possible. In this case, a young volunteer who is learning English and possibly has a learning disability (because of the program he is participating in) is causing this at work. He stands too close to me and smiles at me and comes to my desk to talk and just ends up standing around when i try to end the conversation and get back to work. It is the kind of thing that other people might find endearing or mildly annoying, but to me, it is very upsetting. I don’t know what to do about it. 🙁 Advice?
Oh FFS, he emailed me his phone number. That I can handle, that is solid behavior that I can point to and say “That? That is inappropriate. You need to not do that kind of thing when you are working.” I guess it is more distressing to me when it is sufficiently abstract behavior that I might just be assuming too much so that addressing it directly might be overkill.
I don’t think it would be overkill to address the abstract behaviour directly. I find it hard to say things like “can you please back up a step?” but when I do actually say that sort of thing it usually goes fine.
You don’t need to address motives, you don’t need to address the whole pattern of behavior as a whole big thing. When he does something that’s maybe small if it was just that one thing that one time, call him on it, gently, immediately, specifically. “please back up” or “have to get back to work now!”. Keep doing it.
If you have to do it a LOT, if he never learns, if he just escalates to other inappropriate or annoying behaviors, then you have a bigger problem, but it’s also way more clear that it’s a Real Serious Problem to outsiders.
Oh no. I and people I know are pretty similar in this. First of all, this is a person you work with and who seems to be your subordinate? That adds a lot of layers! This is a valid “yikes”. I teach adults and every once in a while there’s a boundary-crosser. Treatment includes:
-Saying to him overtly, “anyway, back to work!” then either ignore him or say over and over “I really have a lot of work to do” when he keeps talking or hanging around. You can even suggest that he go back to work, too! Here, photocopy this! Talk to that guy! Have you checked in with Tracy about the thing you were supposed to do? He will either get it or he won’t.
-If he doesn’t, discuss this with a supervisor above you. Is it possible this volunteer may be able to be assigned away from you? One persistent student of a friend of mine needed to be dealt with by the department head and an HR body I didn’t even know we had because he was being really disruptive. Even if this guy is not being REALLY disruptive (and he might be), he is at least being a little disruptive, and that’s valid.
-Treat this like any situation where someone is showing you unwanted attention. And this is that situation! It’s not really unreasonable at all for you to react to the fact that this guy, where you WORK, is making an Obvious Show of his affection for you. This is similar advice to my point above, but only answer work-related questions and otherwise shut everything down with “I’d prefer to stick to work-related conversations” when he asks how you are or how your weekend was or what you’re working on. You will sound rude! Oh well! You will be explicit about a boundary, and that means you get to either be left alone or start to feel like you’re reacting reasoonably (and you are!) if he is found to be unable to respect that very clear, unambiguous boundary you’re setting.
Be brave, friend. You’re not off-base. Trust your gut.
Thanks for the sympathy! It is especially frustrating because some of my coworker friends recently left for new jobs so my usual people for this kind of venting and brainstorming aren’t around. Also, I am hard at work on my new office code name: “That’s Inappropriate”. I have a lot of trouble saying anything even slightly rude or rude sounding when someone is “being nice” to me like this, especially when doing customer service-y work. I find, personally, that saying “that’s inappropriate” keeps it about their behavior and not me, and also tends to really shut down the people who are generally nice people with weird ideas about what they can say to me, which seem to be my especial fear. So I told young volunteer that it wasn’t appropriate to send me his phone number and I feel much better. If anything else happens after this, I think I will talk to the volunteer coordinator who works with him.
Board & card games thread?
I continue to be mildly obsessed with Netrunner. The event-with-a-Netrunner-tournament last weekend was roughly as much of a gong show as expected, but I did get to play three matches on Saturday, and then I got my tournament registration fee refunded on Sunday because I was the only person who showed up. Also they didn’t have the playmats; they claim that they will be getting them to people later, and that they will be some other, not-yet-announced design. So that’s nice but I haven’t bothered to contact them to get on the list of people who are owed a playmat because I just don’t care that much.
The tournament at a local board game cafe this coming weekend promises to be much more exciting. Also – and I’m sorry that the rest of this sentence will make no sense to people who don’t play Netrunner – a player who can’t make it to the tournament has loaned me his Jackson Howards! 😀
What’s everyone else playing?
HI. My friend made a 9-player expansion of the Game of Thrones board game and we played it last week. It’s completely bonkers and a ton of fun.
We are gonna do a Halloween board game day, where we play Betrayal at House on the Hill and Eldritch Horror. Any other spooky game suggestions would be appreciated!
I really enjoy Dead of Winter! It’s not so ~spooky~, but involves zombies and potential betrayal!
Also, I LOVE Betrayal at House on the Hill so much.
My group of board gamers can no longer play Betrayal. It’s resulted in too many fights.
I have one friend who always wants to be the traitor so bad, but it always falls to me!
Thanks! I’ll check it out!
Gloom! It would fit the theme pretty well, and I think it’s shorter and less intense than the two you already have lined up, so it might make a nice break between them.
Or one of the Gloom variants. I have the fairy tale version, which is pretty good.
Thanks, that sounds like a good option!
I LOVE Gloom! I bought it just because I liked the artwork and the basic premise, and it is SO MUCH FUN.
Tragedy Looper (mentioned in my comment below) is also spooky!
Thanks!
Have you played Eldritch Horror before? How long does it take you? We got it last winter but it is so long and complicated, we haven’t made it through a full game yet.
We’ve played it 3-4 times now. The first time we played we did have to end early as it was taking too long (partially to do with having to read through the rules, and the long set up time). Now that we are familiar with it it goes a bit faster but games still seem to be 2-4 hours long. It helps to devise a goal strategy and really focus on that, vs getting distracted killing monsters and closing gates and stuff.
Apparently Arkham Horror is even more complicated and long, I can’t imagine playing that.
I have never finished a game of Arkham Horror.
The last time I played Arkham Horror it took four hours and everybody lost.
I love Arkham Horror. I believe I’ve finished a game twice. It’s amazing, and actually I don’t think it took much more than 3 hours either time? But we did have someone who already knew the game very well, which helps to speed things up.
Also this is a super great idea and I think I might borrow it!
Oh, also, if you want something *much* shorter and lower intensity, maybe Zombie Fluxx or Zombie Dice. Neither of them is the sort of game that you will find yourself playing all the time, but they’re both fun for occasional short bits of silliness, and they’re both relatively cheap.
Thanks, I like the look of Zombie Dice for a palette cleanser / light game.
I’m looking at Mysterium too which seems theme appropriate and fun. Supposedly there are similarities to Dixit which is a game we like a lot.
Also debating getting the Mountains of Madness expansion for EH…
We just got a cute, fast little game called Sushi Go that I really like! It’s a little bit like a very simple Seven Wonders, in that you accrue resources in rounds and they interact a bit with other people’s resources and also after each play you pass your hand to the next person. Good for casual situations, like, you have some friends over and they’re like “whoa you have a lot of games, let’s play something!” but also everyone has had a couple drinks and there’s nothing everyone knows how to play without a bunch of explanation which tipsy people are not ready to sit through.
Also, Dominion, always. And this weird one called Tragedy Looper where you work as a team and go back in time again and again to try to avert a tragedy. (Each time you trigger the tragedy, you go back to the beginning of the day and try again not to trigger it.)
I also bought Sushi Go recently! I’ve only played it a couple times, but I really liked it.
Revolution! is my new favorite — SO much fun. Has anyone else played it? (It’s a board game by Steve Jackson, if that helps with googling recommendations.) I think I want to get the expansion pack but I’m not sure!
Hi, can someone help me with writing history about slavery?
An article I wrote based on letters by a family from my West-European country who owned a plantation in a former colony is about to be published in a small magazine. One of the things I describe is how an enslaved woman is accused of trying to poison the child of the overseer (her own child was taken away by his predecessor). In response the overseer calls the slaves animals among who a ‘decent overseer who gives out punishment when deserved’ cannot live safely. I present what he says kind of without comment, only adding some context about (accusations of) poisoning in general. Do you think this is wise? The whole story is on the descriptive level.
I also feel people might for different reasons feel I am being dramatic by singling out this instance. Most mentions of slaves treat them as soulless assets, of which I don’t really give an example. In one case they are conversation/negotiation partners, who draw a line about the treatment they won’t put up with; I do describe this.
Anyway, I can’t really change much I suppose, but am nervous about something I write having any kind of impact.
SLAVERY was dramatic, and anyone who tells you otherwise is whitewashing.
If you want some history backing you up, here are some books that you might find helpful.
Walter Johnson, Soul by Soul (1999)
Walter Johnson, River of Dark Dreams (2013)
Gavin Wright, Slavery and American Economic Development (2006)
Ira Berlin, Generations of Captivity (2003)
I know you’re not necessarily looking to write a history paper, but checking out one of them from the library (maybe start with Ira Berlin?) and reading the intro/conclusion will give you an idea of the sheer SCOPE of slavery. But if you don’t want any more homework, I understand! Just know that you’re part of a long and complex debate that is ultimately about human beings who were not free, and who should have been free.
Thank you so much for your response and recommendations!
It’s difficult to explain what I’m worried about, mostly presenting the voices of slave owners uncritically, I suppose? And by dramatic I meant I don’t want to make it like a soap opera, but of course it was a violent time. Other than a vague illusion to ‘bad management’ the experience of slaves is otherwise mostly not present in the letters.
Sorry if soap opera was a wrong way way of putting it
Can you at least insert one sentence in the section about accusations of poisoning pointing to bibliography (starting with the books OliviaPJones has suggested) on the processes of dehumanization that accompanied slavery and noting that this is a whole can of worms you don’t have room to discuss here but yes, you are aware of it?
I give a little more general info (about the kinds of labour, and about slaves escaping), but have mostly just jumped in without anything on the really general level like you suggest. Would including an example of people talking about slaves dying as nothing more than a financial loss be close to what you mean?
I’ve been only presenting the facts as they are in the letters, assuming the audience can place it. But I also know that most people have little knowledge or think little about slavery beyond ‘a bad thing’. O dear I’m so late in the process now, I should have asked the people here sooner. :/
I’m running my first 5k tomorrow, Toasties! I’m excited and a little nervous but I’m really looking forward to it! I spent the past few years losing a decent amount of weight, and this is one of the things I wanted to do once I got healthy. Finally crossing something significant off of my “life goals” list (I hate the connotation of death in the phrase “bucket list,” in case you were wondering. Important details!)
Yay!
CONGRATS!!!! and welcome to the dark side, you’ll be running marathons before you know what’s happening to you
DATING THREAD. Nightmares? Fun stories?
I’ve acquired my first sex butler (typically looking for Real Feelings; have had neither sex nor feelings in quite some time) and it is fucking fantastic. The sex, the conversation, the cocktails, plus a couple of cultural activity dates? I’m delighted. Split between feeling like I’ve been doing dating wrong my whole life and wondering how long this can last before I revert to my usual patterns and catch feelings for someone who is completely unavailable (but, like, all my positive, happy, getting-laid vibes will attract more realistic feelings prospects, right?).
How are you guys doing?
Pretty good! I’ve been going out with the guy I met at the bar a couple weeks ago, and it’s pretty awesome. He is still super handsome and very smart and seems to be really into me.
He did express some…hesitance? I guess, at our age difference. (I’m 30, and he’s 42.) We sort of briefly talked it over, and I guess it stems from the fact that his ex-wife was 10 years older than him. He also talked about how he was briefly dating a 21-year-old but broke up with her because of the age difference and sort of alluded that it was the same with me. To which I was like, MAN, a 21-year-old and a 30-year-old are a WORLD apart. We haven’t talked about it really since last week, so we’ll see how it goes.
It is…really weird to be thought of as “young” at 30, though? Like, I definitely don’t feel old normally, but I definitely don’t think of myself as a spring chicken! He was teasing me last night about not knowing Alice in Chains songs. Like, sorry, man! I have a lot of gaps in my musical knowledge, but very little of that has to do with being 30.
Hooray for you! That sounds awesome! Especially because I never meet people in real life. :-/
I don’t have a ton of experience with significant age differences but I do think the pop culture generation gap — like, what songs you loved when you were in 8th grade or whatever — is the area where it feels most obvious. It’s also the area that matters the least as far as relationship substance, I think. Like if your life-places as far as career and lifestyle are complementary, you’re probably all good (unless this is a sticking point for him, but only time will tell on that?)
I usually don’t either! I had been casually dating a guy from OKCupid before that who was cool, but then I met this guy and he made everyone else seem like chopped liver.
I definitely agree on that point. I usually date older guys, and I had a longish relationship with a guy 9 years older than me a few years ago. The pop culture differences are definitely the most glaring. But, yeah, I did bring up that we’re pretty much on the same page career-wise and lifestyle-wise. It’s not like I’m the 21-year-old who literally has never lived an adult life before. I know what I’m looking for, especially in romantic relationships.
Oh this is incredibly relevant to my current life! I’ve never quite done the dating thing (my few relationships were all borne from pre-existing friendships). I’m just now realizing that maybe being alone kinda sucks and isn’t in my best interests, long-term. I also kinda really miss sex and whatnot. (Who knew, right???) AnyWHO – I’m all kinds of interested in how you are going about this, if you don’t mind me asking! What on earth is a sex butler? I feel like this is something I need.
Thanks for sharing!
Haha, hi! The short answer to your question is Tinder. Plus good instincts & self-awareness, leading to effective management of my own expectations and emotions. And a major dose of luck in happening across someone who appears to have similar self-awareness even regarding his current availability/life place, and with whom I happen to have insane chemistry. Feel free to ask follow up questions, I know that’s not specific and I can be verbose.
Sex butler: is a term I have seen used in these here comments and interpreted to mean a relationship that is primarily physical, not exclusive, with varying levels of emotional depth. (Toastlets, please feel free to jump in with your own definitions!)
Ahahaha, thanks for the explanation! I googled sex butler and got 1) how to have sex in the stacks at Butler University, 2) a description of a hotel concierge service that provides you a packet of condoms and lube, and 3) lots and lots of Judith Butler references.
I did the same thing! I was like “hm… don’t think this is it”
Sex Butler! That is a great phrase and I’m sad I didn’t have it to use when I had my own Sex Butler.
I’m feeling slightly weird because a couple of my exes have been hitting relationship milestones lately and I’m not having the knee-jerk reactions that I thought I would. Very un-serious ex just got married to the woman he dated right after me and it’s making me way more sad then it has any right to. Serious ex who was great on paper and long-distance but we couldn’t get the in-person chemistry right is in his first serious relationship after me and I couldn’t be happier for him.
I’m also feeling slightly hesitant about the dude I’ve been dating so I’m sure the two are related. Current dude is just really bad at using his words and I’m not sure I want to be the one taking on all the emotional labor.
Sorry you’re feeling weird, I can certainly relate (my ex-husband’s fiancee is pretty committed to Instagram and I have poor self-control, and a more casual ex’s new relationship came up in conversation with a mutual friend just last night).
You don’t have to be doing all the emotional labor! There are dudes who can use their words. And if not, there’s always taking to the sea! That’s where I fully expect to end up.
Congratulations!
I have my first first date in five years TONIGHT and I’m totally freaking out and texting my friends dumb questions and it is all delightfully exciting!
Yay! First first dates! Isn’t it exciting? I had the same thing a few months ago and it was absolutely delightful and perfect. Good luck! Have fun!
Exciting!! You’ll be great!!
YAY!! Good luck! First-first dates are fun. (40th first dates are not, alas) Report back to us next week!
I’ve got a coffee date tomorrow that I’m only marginally invested in. But! It’s just coffee, and she seems nice, and we have things in common.
I would very much like a sex butler! I’m scared of The Tindrrrr though, on account of being Almost An Old and also plus-size. I’m anticipating a self-esteem crushing experience. Anyone care to weigh in? OKC has been fine so far, though not a lot of matches in my tiny town.
You can absolutely find a sex butler on whatever platform you’re comfortable with! OKC sex butlers are a thing!
Garsh. Not so many prospects in my neck o’ the woods. All the men I know are gay! ( I surround myself with their fabulousness.)
I take that back, there are two straight guys. One is my exbf. The other keeps showing up drunk and won’t really talk to me. But it’s ok. Getting to myself better.
OMG, are you me? This is exactly where I was, oh, 2 weeks ago, and now I’m catching feelings. And, looking out a year or 2, there’s basically no way we’re going to end up in the same city. But such good convo and such good sex, I can’t help it! I’m thinking about forcing myself to date other people just so I don’t think about this person so damn much.
Aw!!! Yeah, I’ve been swiping in hopes of avoiding fixating, but haven’t matched with anyone interesting, and I know that the perfectly pleasant but unremarkable first dates I usually go on will seem intolerably boring compared to this character. Just hoping I can ride the wave until the feelings start to hurt or somebody who is more emotionally available comes along (or I can trick this one into feelings with bedroom magic? Just kidding, I’m way too much of a realist for that.)
Last date I went on, I dropped my phone like a hot potato when the dude texted me after because anxiety. Dropped/sorta threw across the car?
I read that as “I’ve acquired my first sex butter” and I was like omg that must be a kind of new lube why haven’t I gotten my first sex butter
Sex butler also sounds nice!
I have a JUST NOW online dating that caused me to pull out my computer and come looking for this thread so that I could tell you folks about it, because I’m super uncomfortable about it.
So: my profile on OKC starts with “Sometimes stereotypical nice Jewish girl (musical theater, Jane Austen, brunch?) seeks nice Jewish boy to talk baseball and politics and explore New York.” As in, I make it clear up front that I am Jewish and looking for Jews, because while I’m not entirely opposed to dating a non-Jew, I want to be able to share my Jewish communal life with any I’m in a serious relationship with and what’s the point of online dating if you can’t set arbitrary standards?
I got a message from a dude. I am transcribing the conversation below because I feel super weird about it and want feedback.
Him: Hey. I’m not Jewish but I love musicals, can I apply?
Me: I’m going to be super upfront: if you’re looking for long term/serious things, no. If you’re okay with casual, then yes and I want to hear about what shows you’ve seen recently!
Him: So wait, you legitimately won’t date people who aren’t Jewish?
Me: I legit won’t do serious relationships with people who aren’t Jewish – it’s a really big part of my life and in the long term, that’s important to me.
Him: Man that’s really fucked up in 2015, dude. Good luck.
Toasties: AM I RIGHT TO FEEL LIKE HE’S THE ASSHOLE HERE?
Yep.
YES
He is indeed the asshole. If a shared faith is important to you, it’s important to you! I think it’s great to list dealbreakers up front!
Heh, sex butler. I am in a . . .weird position vis a vis sexual experience, in my feels.
Also. . .if anyone has advice about a clever way to respond to who messaged you a long time ago when you were too generally freaked out to do anything?
Also, my therapist kinda wants to be my dating coach, I think. I really like her, but it bumps against all kinds of things I am having trouble saying out loud.
I want to go see college boy’s last regular-season home football game (he marches in the band), but I’m still recovering from the 4 hours of driving there and back the day before yesterday to see an evening concert. Plus the kiddos have other plans tomorrow, and I should be taking them to the places they need to be. But this will be the first year ever I haven’t seen him march. I barely glimpsed him for a split second when they televised one of the games, but because he’s not OSU, ESPN doesn’t televise their band shows.
I have to go to the high schooler’s away game because i missed the home game band show last week, and there is a swordfight involved. It’s supposed to nearly snow. Why couldn’t I have gone last week when it was 72 degrees?
Halloween. House cleanup .I wouldn’t care except that it directly affects being able to find halloween stuff and having the space to make halloween stuff, and electricians are coming into my children’s bedrooms next week. I am a laissez-faire mom in terms of “clean up your room” standards…if they’ve taken all the cereal bowls to the room and I can’t eat soup, or if they have no socks because they are currently carpeting the floor with them, I’ll make them clean. Otherwise, it’s their space. Except for having to move furniture to fix wiring.
Fall is a beautiful time suck of a season. I think raking leaves should be outlawed…I have neither the time nor the arm strength to keep up, I”ve spent three afternoons already and still 70% of my trees still have leaves so I’m doomed to repeat this for a while. I have better things to do. That, and since I got poison ivy on my face and it still hasn’t healed completely, i’m not psyched to go back out.
Bah humbug.
I just acquired a job lot of pheasant that I need to cook this weekend. Anyone have any recipes?
oh man the BEST meal I ever had was at a restaurant in Glasgow where I had pheasant. This meal was so good that I pretty much blacked out and can’t remember the details, but I feel like the pheasant was probably roasted with some rosemary shoved under the skin. And it came with roasted hazelnuts and apricots.
One of the best meals I ever had was pheasant stew at a country pub outside of Oxford. This recipe looks good!
My go-to source for game-related stuff is Hunter, Angler, Gardener, Cook. Here’s his Pheasants section.
I probably have Sufficient Pheasant to have a good stab at making all of these things. 😀
I’m starting to run again 8 months after birthing my second human. She is starting daycare (lol my finances with 2 in daycare) and I am planning on running at lunch. I did the couch to 5k before with an app on my phone but was hoping to switch to my iPod nano. Do any of you wonderful people have app or podcast suggestions for the nano?
Before I just used my phone and listed to “how did this get made” but am willing to try something new.
I’m pretty excited to be doing something entirely for myself. I do lots of self sacrificing mom stuff and I’m burned out.
I am burning through the back catalog of 99% Invisible on my long commutes: it’s about design, which I didn’t think I’d care much about, but it turns out I do. So much art, so much science, so much history, so many trivia-style nuggets.
I’m pretty much burning through the rest of the podcasts on Radiotopia, too: http://www.radiotopia.fm/
Congratulations on mom-ing! For podcasts, I don’t know what genres you like, but Stuff Mom Never Told You is a good (and frequently updated!) one about a wide variety of issues and phenomena affecting women (not all of the episodes are as depressing as that sounds, though). The Flop House does some of the same movies as How Did This Get Made, but it’s mostly funny and I like their format better than HDTGM’s.
In line with the kitty photo I posted in the cat thread, Tycho prefers the cat bed:
But he looks so sad about it!
He definitely has that heartbreaking puppy-dog face. Then he steals all your food when you aren’t looking.
Why will animals never use their proper beds?
In other news, shelter pups!
Oh! I almost forgot. Since there are so many Toasties that know their horror, I want to know any recommendations people have for the horror movie marathon I’m planning of movies that start with someone moving to a new home (in honor of my purchase and move this month).
Some obvious ones that came to mind are:
Poltergeist
Rosemary’s Baby (I know it was made by a shite human being, but it’s a damn good movie. I’ll download it so he gets nothing bah haha)
Amityville Horror (the original)
The Conjuring
Sinister
I’ve come across some other possibilities via Googling, but am curious what movies other people know if. I’ve seen all of the above and would like to add some that would be new to me to the list.
ymmv (as I don’t really do ‘scary’ movies due to lingering childhood wussiness), but
The Uninvited (1941, so it’s old, yes, but there is moving into a mysteriously abandoned house, etc)
The Innocents (well, the house is new to the governess?)
Stepford Wives
The Uninvited has a wonderfully scary low tech effect near the end. Who needs CGI. It also has the yummy Ray Milland.
The general atmosphere of that movie (and The Innocents, The Haunting, etc) get me so much more than all the tech and jump scares in the world. I love it.
And Ray Milland definitely doesn’t hurt.
I’ve been meaning to rewatch the Stepford Wives, good one.
Two recent great movies:
The Babadook (I think this is on Netflix streaming now)
It Follows
Both of these are SO GOOD.
SO GOOD. I was going to rec It Follows but it doesn’t start with a new-house-move. But everyone should watch it anyways.
YES.
House, the 1977 Japanese horror movie. It’s a Criterion movie and is on Hulu.
The original (1989) version of “The Woman In Black,” IF YOU DARE. It is THAT scary.
The Haunting is definitely a Scary House movie, if not a Moving Into A Scary House movie. Gaslight (either version–they’re both great) had a couple moving into the wife’s ancestral house/site of beloved aunt’s murder early on.
On the more fun side of things I would recommend:
Ginger Snaps (lycanthropy as a metaphor for female puberty)
Trick r Treat (series of interconnected Halloweeny vignettes)
For more scary/traditional horror:
Thirst
The Devil’s Backbone
May
And I definitely second the Babadook recomendation!
The first season of American Horror Story is literally called “Murder House” and it is SO SCARY. But more of a time commitment than a movie, obviously.
The Orphanage STILL creeps me out and I would definitely recommend it
The Changeling (from 1980). It’s on YouTube in full. it’s Canadian and so creepy.
For cheesy fun: The Vampire Lovers. It’s a Hammer film. It does start with a character moving into a new home, even if she isn’t the main character per se.
The Strangers (w/ Liv Tyler) is my go-to Actually Scary movie. I am a jaded, bitter soul with a higher-than-average tolerance for scary movies. This one, though…godDAMN.
Ones I like that are on Netflix (check out their “Halloween Favorites” section!):
A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night
Scream
Sleepy Hollow
Also, if you like Rosemary’s Baby (which I also like), you might like this new movie called “Lyle” – it’s a “feminist, lesbian reimagining of Rosemary’s Baby” and stars Gaby Hoffman. It’s on iTunes/Amazon/etc. I liked it a lot! (I saw a press screening & interviewed Gaby + the director, full disclosure)
I saw Crimson Peak this weekend and despite Del Toro’s insistence that it’s not horror, it’s a gothic romance, I think it might meet your needs.
Does anyone else think about constituent relationship management systems a lot for work? Because I am super overwhelmed by my options re: implementing an inexpensive CRM and how to set it up and so on. Smallish nonprofit, probably starting with under 20,000 records, but OVERWHELMED.
At my previous job we used the Basecamp/Highrise team for our project management and CRM needs, and it was……..fine. Nonprofits can get SalesForce for free though, which is a much more comprehensive system and much more customizable. I wish my previous boss had let me go ahead and use it because it would have suited our needs MUCH more than trying to get Highrise to do what we needed.
See, the Nonprofit Starter Pack for Salesforce isn’t out-of-the-box what I need, and finding an affordable developer to make it into what I need is part of what makes it overwhelming?
Hmmmmm. I was pretty decent at database type stuff, so I was able to do a fair amount of customizing myself, but if you’ve never done anything like that before, it’s pretty opaque. What all are you hoping to do, if that’s not too “inside baseball” to get into?
So I need to use this so that I can better manage our email, which is in Mailchimp. My hope is to be able to use this to better target our emails–so I’ll be tracking people’s areas of interest within our work, how they came to us, donor status, etc. It’ll probably include things like ActionSprout actions that they’ve taken and how they’ve interacted with Mailchimp-sent emails and so on, so that I can say “anyone who signed these two ActionSprout petitions should be tagged with this area of interest” so that I can then send those people emails about what we’re doing about that issue. Does that make sense? I’m looking into training options alongside all my database research…
That all makes sense, yes!
When I used MailChimp, something that really helped me to target my emails was putting people into “groups.” You can do this when they sign up by offering an option of checky boxes, but I’m pretty sure you can do it later too, otherwise I’m sure I wouldn’t have had everyone in groups. What I may have done was export everyone to Excel to sort them, then re-imported them to various groups, I’m not sure, it was a while ago.
I’m not familiar with ActionSprout — does it have an option to integrate with MailChimp? MC has a ton of other programs that it integrates with, sometimes only in one direction though.
Yep. I have so much cleanup to do in ours.
al;kdksfkl;jasdjl; databases.
Yes, data conversions into a crm is my whole job! Ask me anything 🙂
Hey so a thing I wrote got published this week and I am super delighted about that fact: http://daily.jstor.org/visual-literacy-in-the-age…
Maybe you will like it if you like cultural heritage or copyright or finding cool shit on the internet and supporting artists. And teaching and literacy and technology and libraries and stuff. And stuff.
(My next professional dream is to make it into a Toast Link Roundup as a “Friend of The Toast” tbh.)
Oh my goodness! A friend of mine posted that to FB yesterday and I was just reading it!
Yay! I hope you enjoy(ed) it.
Congratulations, and I share your aspiration. 🙂
Very cool! I work for an African art history journal and am also starting to dip my toes into digital humanities in general, and this is so apropos on so many levels.
Okay, I totally googled you and found that your speciality is in mythology. You have a cool career.
My friends in academic libraries have been teaching DH classes to undergrads for a while now and I’m constantly puzzling over more cool art-related DH projects to suggest. (I wish I could go to the ARLIS+VRA THATcamp this year but I can’t afford to get to Seattle; still, I hope we see some cool output from that….)
I’m glad it comes across as an actual career–most of the time it feels like a desperate struggle to keep my head above water in jobs that won’t kill my soul! (World: Hey, Leslie’s just finished another degree–time for an economic recession!)
My best friend is a librarian, and DH seems in many ways to be the perfect melding of her work with mine in academic publishing. As I get into it, half seems to be completely business as usual, half is so over my head my brain won’t function. It’s going to be an interesting ride, as the Center I work for is thinking about expanding its publishing arm into more digital stuff….
Leslie Ellen Jones, PhD
Jack of All Trades and Doctor of Folklore
[email protected]
The Center for the Study of Real Interesting Stuff: <a href=”https://leslieellenjones.wordpress.com
https://leslieellenjones.wordpress.com<br />”Truth is an odd number” — Flann O’Brien
Super cool! I’m a librarian and happen to be teaching an information literacy + tech fluency course, and I put reverse image searching and attribution in next week’s unit. People can learn this stuff!
My pumpkin talk went great, and the recipes you gave me were delicious – thank you so much!
Now I am a wealth of amazing pumpkin facts: for instance, there are three closely related species known as pumpkin, and two of them are much tastier than the third. If you’re making a pumpkin pie, select a pumpkin that either has a round stem (Cucurbita maxima) or a star shaped stem WITHOUT prickles (C. moschata). The ones with star shaped stems that feel like a cat’s tongue turned up to 11 make terrible pies.
I love this pumpkin fact! I usually just go to the store and buy whatever they label a “pie pumpkin” but now I will be a more informed pumpkin consumer.
My research paper was finally, FINALLY, accepted for publication. I’ve been bashing at this thing for three years, had to re-run 8ish months of data TWICE, and re-written the paper I think three times. IT’S DONE AND OUT THE DOOR AND I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.
AND I fixed a major problem with my data for the next paper this week! I am sciencing the shit out of things lately.
Congratulations! Yay science!
Yes! Way to go! VINDICATION FOR YOUR SCIENCE!
*Science fist bump*
obligatory:
dudes!
1. it’s my 35th birthday tomorrow, planning to have casino buffet then get a little drunk and watch My Neighbor Totoro
2. working on a tarot spread for “what the fuck is this tarot shit?” for curious atheists etc, if anyone wants to be a guinea pig lemme know, dangerflakes at hotmail
So I went on a date last night with a GIRL (sorry this whole bi thing is very new and exciting to me) and I have a good feeling about this. And it was only our third date so I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I think I like her! Any dating tips for a brand-spanking new queer like myself? I don’t really know what I’m doing haha
One thing I always struggle with as a lady (sort of) who dates other ladies is taking the initiative romantically. It feels so wrong! I don’t know how to do it! This isn’t what I was taught as a kid! So be very conscious about pushing out of your comfort zone when it comes to making the first move. Because it’s likely that she struggles with the same thing, and then you’ll just wind up with two queer ladies looking at each other from across the room and blushing but not doing much else.
Yeah, it really is so hard to make moves! Time to be bold, I guess (which is tough when you’re inexperienced in the first place).
This is so fucking true. I never thought of myself as someone who followed gender roles in dating, until I dated another woman. It turns out I used to just make my feelings obvious and then wait for them to proceed. This did not work with a lady, lol.
You already know all that you need: 1) Be genuine, but watch for invitation before sharing too much. 2) One date at a time. Do you want to see her again? Yes/No. 3) Be kind/considerate.
I’m happy for you!
I don’t have any tips; I am in the same boat – and it is so new and exciting and yay for third dates!
yay for dates, yay for crushes, and yay for makeout sessions!
I am sick this week, which means I can blow off work a bit but I still have to do all the mom stuff like get up at 6:00 in the morning to take the spawn to school and make dinner and what not. Blerg.
You’re a good mom. I hope the spawn are appreciative. Eventually, if not today.
Uuuuuggghggghhhhhhhhhhh Toasties I’m pretty sure I have gallstones. And I ain’t got no insurance. Will I die if I just attempt to control this condition by eating a ton of veggies?
No fat diet might control it for awhile but if you start vomiting a bunch go to the ER. By the time I had mine out the tissue was “papery”. Also try to get insured because gallstones suuuuuuuuck.
It’s about the fat, for sure, as anniekate76 said. It may be about protein, too. When I asked the doc how a gallbladder, or lack of one, changes a diet, the doc said gallbladders evolved so that ancient humans (or current other carnivores) could gorge on a whole antelope. It’s the gallbladder that handles that sudden need to store energy from a rare, large meat source. Not sure how that helps you. I’m sorry you don’t have proper medical care. Modern society should have solved this problem by now, goddammit.
how do I not wake up with low back pain every morning?
I spend a fair amount of the day sitting at my desk job, but i also have 2 young kids so I’m on my feet most of the rest of the day. I’m not overweight, I exercise regularly, and my back does not hurt at any other time during the day. Do I just need a new bed?
my sweetie has trouble with her back, so she does “core workouts” on the gym box (Roku channel) every day. If she stops for even a few days she can tell the difference.
maybe you need a new desk chair? check your ergonomical situation, it could even be your feet, are they on the floor flat when you’re sitting?
Definitely try flipping your mattress like MissSusan suggested. It could also be the position you’re sleeping in. If you’ve already tried switching that up maybe try sleeping on your back with a small pillow under your knees. I’m not a doctor so I don’t know if that’s actually a really terrible thing but it helps me!
Or maybe different sleeping positions/using pillows while you sleep (like a pillow under your knees if you are a back sleeper)?
You might want to try sleeping while propped up in various configurations. I started having the same issue about a year ago and have found that if I keep my torso more or less upright or if I shove a bunch of pillows under my knees so my legs are elevated, I can sleep a normal eight hours and still be able to move in the mornings.
For me, what worked when I was having lots of back pain was to get body pillows. I am a side-sleeper and having a pillow to put between my knees and help keep my spine more aligned, especially on a firm mattress (that I was not in a position to do anything about) helped.
Also, a lot of back pain actually starts in your feet and carries up. What kind of shoes are you wearing when you’re on your feet? Do they have sufficient arch support? How is your alignment at work? Are you lifting your little ones with your legs or your back?
I was having a lot of shoulder/neck pain earlier this year and a friend recommended this book to me: http://www.amazon.com/Pain-Free-Revolutionary-Sto… which has been incredibly helpful–his system is about realigning yourself so your muscles aren’t straining to work. The ones for neck/shoulder pain only take about 18 minutes a day, though I think some of the back series take a lot longer.
Hello Toasties!
After many months of lurking I have decided to finally bite the bullet and say hello to all of you lovely persons. You all are a bunch of intelligent, funny, sympathetic, kindly folks, and being able to know there is such a place online *somewhere* has been a balm to my soul lately. So thanks. 🙂
Welcome! I can’t claim all of your descriptors, but can verify I feel I belong here and I am also here for soul balm.
Hi hi hi!
Please enjoy this bears news.
bear
Also this bears news
I just made an account, too! You can only lurk so long without chiming in to this lovely commentariat.
Isn’t it marvelous? An oasis of refreshment amid the sea of crap-ernet.
On last week’s open thread, I posted about my weird little mini-zine. I got a few responses & mailed a few out (thanks, guys!!), but I have a bunch more that need to find a new home. I would love to trade for your zine, or send you a bunch to leave tucked between sugar packets at a coffee shop or reverse-pickpocket into someone’s jeans!
Here’s the etsy listing: https://www.etsy.com/listing/251277840/a-world-of…
and here’s my instagram: https://instagram.com/arsenic.green/
If you’re interested you can contact me here, at either of the above, or on twitter @theverminqueen!
Thanks for looking!
Done! Retail therapy for a crap week. I feel better already.
Thanks! I’ll ship it out today. Sorry to hear about your week!
1. Note to RoseCamelia (mostly): brunch with bf’s mom went pretty well, she told him she liked me several times afterwards and then sent me a friend request on FB. So. Thanks for your kind words of support in advance though. They meant a lot and took some of the anxiety edge off.
2. Apartment hunting in the neighbourhood I want to live in is getting frustrating. Trying to find pet-friendly, less than $1000, decent sq. footage, and no bedbugs is….such a challenge. :/
Absence of bedbugs should *not* be a challenge, it should be a given, FFS. I feel for you. Hooray for a good brunch! Of course she liked you. No surprise there. So, what’s your assessment? Is bf fantastic because of his mom, or in spite of her? And how does bf behave towards his mom?
This whole bedbug thing is SUCH an annoyance. And they’re everywhere in the Lower Mainland. Tricky to find a building that doesn’t have a report.
She’s a very nice lady, and we do have a goodly number of things in common, so I imagine it’s a combination? She started him off on a good path, and then when he was older he just kept developing into this excellent caring person? They are definitely very friendly/affectionate in tone, no tension whatsoever. We touched on that a bit while talking about other dysfunctional families, and that their family all seems to get along really well. She said later on she was grateful that all her kids still wanted her to be around and weren’t all, ‘why would I want to hang out with my mom at this age?’
I’m loving the skincare thread, but had a slightly more specific question… I deal with large pores on my nose and the inside of my cheeks. I use a prescription retinol cream but that doesn’t seem to help. Would toner work for this? Masks? Whenever I use the Biore strips or otherwise “extract” them (the pores), I get a lot out (sorry, gross) but it never stays that way, and frankly looks worse after, both immediately and long term. Any thoughts, commiserations? Should I just keep them “clogged”?
Those might not be blackheads/clogged pores! They might just be sebaceous filaments, which are normal & permanent. No matter how many times you yank ’em out, they’ll come on back.
http://www.epicbeautyguide.com/wp-content/uploads…
I have not heard of this. Why thank you!
I found that my skin looks a zillion times better after I started using the Clarisonic. It’s a big expense just to try it out, but I tried it when one of my local department stores was doing a demo. Even in one use I saw enough of a different to buy it.
Aw man I actually HAVE one of those but have been too lazy to use (also with the retinoid don’t want to agitate my skin too much) but maybe I could use just on nose + cheeks…
Echoing Prairie Antoinette’s mention of the sebaceous filaments. BUT I know I had great luck minimizing the look of those on my nose and chin by twice daily use of this stuff from Paula’s Choice. It took nearly nine months of regular and consistent application, but I don’t have those little dots on my nose and chin anymore that just cry out for squeezing.
thank you! i will give it a whirl!
I used to have “super-oily” skin and it recently changed to “slightly-oily and actually here’s some fun dry patches too” so I started using a cleanser for dry skin to see if it helped. As it turned out, all that did was NOT-clean the oil, which led to clogged pores that didn’t cause breakouts but did do that thing where a lot of crap gets extracted if I apply a little pressure. It was yep gross.
So my point is, maybe your cleanser isn’t doing a very good job 🙁 Also maybe scrub a little with a washcloth for a cheap exfoliating experiment?
yeah i think this and the clarisonic suggestion are pointing me not cleansing well enough. thanks much for your thoughts!
Hey Ladies! After a few wks of traveling and house hunting, avoiding dramatic fam pitfalls and trying to stay awake during work, I think this wkd I’m going to try to only interact w the male-companion while roasting some root vegetables w fresh herbs from the garden and reading an actual book that I hold in my hands and wrapping myself into faux fur throw and *MAYBE* only leave the house to drink local beer or procure $1 oysters.
oh my god that sounds like the perfect weekend. I might steal all those ideas from you.
living the dream!
That sounds delightful!
Guys I have HEARTS FOR EYES for a former professor of mine right now. I asked him to put in a good word for me for a job I’m applying for at my alma mater, and not only did he email the dept. chair right away with good things to say, but he also told the chair that I never asked him to put in the recommendation.
That is very exciting and also confusing the hell out of my impostor syndrome.
Impostor syndrome deserves to be confused. Banished, even. Go you!
The Best Time I Ever Got Fired: Oh my dear friends, I’ve been very anxious the last few weeks about how I was going to graciously leave my current job to do the exact same work somewhere else as direct competition without being sabotaged. And then two days ago, I was regretfully informed that my funding won’t last past December but let’s work together to find the right place to land. Luckily, this was all by phone so no one could see my face – but this couldn’t have worked out better for me and for this perfectly-timed layoff, I am grateful. Amen.
oh my god I hope you get severance too that would just be icing
I didn’t get a severance offer but I did send an email earlier today saying that I’d like to start looking for a new job now since no one in my field hires in December so I’m prepared to waive my claims (including my right to unemployment benefits) if he agrees that if I leave before the end of the year, I get any outstanding salary as severance.
If he says yes to this, I wait a few weeks and then… poof! Don’t hate the player, hate the game – sucker!
Los Angeles event! The amazing Eileen Myles is coming to Skylight Books on Friday the 23rd to read her poetry. She’s going to be amazing. I’ll definitely be there and if any Toasties would like to join me, I’ll be the one wearing the dandelion sweater.
I know I’m like a year late to the Ur-Dad conversation BUT I just found out something marvelous: My dad videotapes his fire bowl in the summer so he can play it on a loop on the TV in the winter. Like, my parents’ TV is fancy enough that it has multiple fake-crackling-fire options available, but he wanted his OWN fire.
Cackling with glee over here.
OH MY GOD
Honestly if my parents had a natural fire option, this is 100% something my dad would do.
He also has been trying to convince me that his “phone case”, which is made of 2 rubber bands wrapped around his phone, is the best of all possible phone cases, since “it never slips off any surface because of the friction from the rubber bands”. And when I point out that it doesn’t provide any protection if he drops it he says triumphantly “Yes, but I never drop it because of the friction from the rubber bands”.
Ah, circular logic: one of the Ur-Dad hallmarks!
Folks, how do you do work-life balance? I’m contemplating a job offer right now that would involve 50-70 hour work weeks on a semi-regular basis with scaled-back hours in the off-season, and I can’t decide if that’s workable for me, especially since it’s not in a field I really want to pursue longterm. It DOES come with a decent pay bump that I’m not sure confident I’ll find staying in my current industry, at least not without working a few jobs.
Anyone else work those kinds of hours and it works for them? Or DOESN’T work for them?
I wish I knew how to do work-life balance 🙁
I don’t work those kind of hours and I have to say I can’t imagine being told a job would sometimes require 70 hour work weeks and then continuing with the hiring process. I’m a person who’s never had one particular career that they’ve always wanted to do, so sacrificing things for a job has never felt like a good idea to me. I get that it is/might be totally different when it’s a job in a field you’ve always wanted to do, but giving an extra 30 hours a week to a job in a field you aren’t interested in staying in for the long haul doesn’t seem worth it to me.
Unless they’re paying you hourly for those 50-70 hours a week, in which case maybe you’ll save so much money from working and not having much free time that you’ll be so rich that you never have to get up again.
That’s kind of my gut reaction as well; not that I can’t handle a long work week, because I’ve done it for my current job, but it felt like less of an imposition because that’s just how my field is. Seems harder to swallow when it’s just my joe job.
What’s the commute like? That is honestly the thing that makes a big difference for me (plus if you’re working 50 hours/week and then also commuting for 15, that’s a lot of time).
A thing that I have learned is that you have to set your own boundaries and you have to be the one to guard them. No one else will. So, for example, we have free yoga classes at my office twice a week (which is an amazing perk). This yoga class makes a significant difference to my physical & mental health. It meets at 5:30. This week, I got asked to do something at around 5:00 (I usually stay at work till 6). I asked what the deadline was and since it wasn’t going anywhere until the next day, I said “okay, then I’m going to go to yoga and I will work on this when I come back”. (That meant that I sacrificed something I was thinking about doing AFTER yoga, but I had honestly forgotten about it when I volunteered to work that night, so).
You have to figure out what your priorities are, what the things are that make you feel good and balanced and how connected to your life, and then you have to build fences around those things. You may also think about outsourcing things if it’s in your budget (e.g. I send my laundry out because I have roommates who would be disturbed if I did laundry late at night and I am not home on the weekends).
Is there an option for regular or even occasional remote work? If you can work from home a few days a month that a) helps you get your commute time back and b) often lets you get housework done during the day (e.g. I used to work from home about once a month and do laundry in between calling into meetings and answering emails).
It would be about 45 minutes one-way, on public transit, which is more than I’m doing right now but isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker for me. It’s not an unpleasant commute by any means.
They did mention remote work! There’s a lot of travel involved with this gig, so they mentioned that employees often take a day to work from home while they catch up on laundry and chores after being away. That made me feel better.
Thank you for sharing this with me! It sounds like you really have your shit together. Come teach me your ways!
You should think about this: http://www.getbullish.com/2010/12/bullish-maybe-w…
Is working 70hrs for a while going to work with the way YOU work? Do you have ideas and tasks and life-stuff you can put off ’til the off-season? Do you have projects and hobbies that you need free time to pursue now, or can they wait for later?
I personally have way too much shit on the go to work more than 40. And my brain needs rest. The last time I did 40 hrs a week it was a desk job that allowed me to read, think, write, and sometimes veg while getting paid. If this is 70hrs of on-the-go labour, not just sitting behind a counter or being paid to be available, you should weigh those needs.
Man, that article is intense! But serious food for thought.
For me, my one non-negotiable need is that I need to see theatre and pursue projects outside of work. However, that time commitment can fluctuate, and it’s usually something I can dial up or back depending on my work commitments. Their off-season dovetails nicely with my theatre peak season. At my current job, I carve out a couple of hours here and there at my desk to do research or emails or whatever for my personal projects, so I can stay on top of them without cutting into my free time. I imagine I’d be doing a lot of that to make it work.
Thanks for sharing with me; perspective is appreciated!
They way I do it is to download a lot of things that other people do themselves, by which I mean I pay people to, eg, do my housework and I definitely buy my lunch every day, and so on. I also don’t get as much exercise or downtime as would be ideal. Also, I don’t do a long commute.
I kind of love(/hate) my job and an super invested in the identity and stimulation it gives me, so I’m ok with the tradeoff, but I have to say, it’s very expensive to work that much, and so the extra money isn’t always really EXTRA if you feel me.
Oof, and also that. I make my lunches now, but it’s because I can’t afford to eat out. The raise would allow me a few more similar luxuries, but really I’m looking to sock some money away into my savings and towards my student loan.
It definitely depends on the field, but to me semiregular 50-70 weeks suggests some poor management of time or resources on behalf of the company. I am coming from a background in a few different labor-of-love fields (publishing and marketing for example) and while it is very common in those fields for workers to be expected to go above and beyond, it can also be a symptom of organizations either choosing or being compelled to have too few employees doing too much work. When I’ve interviewed at organizations that came right out and stated the expectation that work would extend beyond a 40 hour week most of the time, (a) these tended to be membership- or sales-driven organizations with lots of young employees (b) and it was mostly the young employees talking about the long hours, which certainly contributed to the impression of exploited labor.
YMMV stuff: I’m an excellent time-manager. This month I am working 3 jobs, 5-6 days a week, 10-12 hours a day. I still cook for myself (huge amounts of food at once, divided up into meals-to-go) and tidy up (2 or 3 things each morning) and even turned in a couple of dissertation chapters (because I have the ability to do outside work at two of my jobs). But I entered into this period of hustle with a willing and joyful heart, and it is temporary. If I did it on the regular i’d have to permanently give up all the things I have temporarily agreed to give up (weekends, parts of my exercise regime, social time outside of work, etc.).
oh man, I would love to know. I work for a nice company that I really respect and am happy to be a part of, but the trade-off is that I work certain periods of awful, stressful overtime, only get 5 vacation days per year, and feel pretty tired all the time. I guess I would seriously consider the move if it felt like a good step towards something else! Like if you got a lot of on-the-job training, and there’s room for growth. I’d have serious qualms if it were lateral move that involved a lot of routine, soul-sucking stuff :(. But I’m good at living very, very cheaply and disappointing my parents with my life choices and stuff <3
best of luck to you <3
Toasties, I have an ethical problem.
What do you do if you see are browsing online (say, on Tumblr) and happen to see a half-naked selfie of someone you know IRL? Or at least you THINK it’s them, it looks remarkably like them in most ways, but looks to be around 5 years ago or? And you don’t know whether or not they put it online themselves (they are not looking for a job in conservative profession, and never have), or if someone put it there without their knowledge?
For a lot of reasons, I think it would be best that this person NOT know it was me who discovered it. Is there some kind of anonymous service for this? Like those STD notices?
Any opinions would be appreciated.
Unless it was an obvious revenge porn situation I would prefer not to be told about half-naked selfies of me online. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s not, maybe I put it up, maybe I didn’t but unless we had a relationship where that conversation wouldn’t be incredibly awkward, I’d prefer blissful ignorance.
It doesn’t seem obviously revenge-y? It looks like a selfie that they either put online by themselves or sent to someone else.
That’s helpful opinion to know, honestly! I don’t know if I would want to know about it or not (thus the wondering). And a relief, because I’d rather just act like it never happened…
There are 3 scenarios, I think.
1) The photo is them, and they are fine with it being anonymously on the internet. Bringing it up is awkward and unhelpful
2) The photo is NOT them. If you bring it up, this is possibly even more awkward.
3) The photo is them and they do not know/like it’s on the internet. They might be happy you brought it to their attention, they might not, this might re-open some old wounds from a stalkery ex. Awkward, and has a 1/3 chance of being helpful.
Even in case number 3, being anonymously notified that racy pictures are circulating might actually come off as threatening, especially if they have a creepy ex who published the photos in the first place. Unless their actual name is attached to it, or you can see this photo by googling them or an easily discoverable internet pseudonym of theirs, I would not say anything.
So, I’m taking the first step to fulfilling my dream life of solitary witchery: going to look at a tiny, tiny cottage out in the woods! To maybe buy! And live in! And sit by the stone fireplace! And hang dried herbs from the exposed beams! And drink coffee on the porch by myself! And there’s even a brook out back for staring into and/or catching crayfish!
I’m very excited and apprehensive. Who all lives by themselves out in the middle of nowhere? I haven’t done it in a good 15 years but I miss it so.
I am so jealous! All you need is a good dog. Until you get one, put out a Beware of Dog sign. Deterrent is usually sufficient. Also consider putting a fictitious male name on some of your deliveries and keeping a big pair of work boots on the porch. Again, I am soooooo jealous. Happy witching.
Oh god that sounds so lovely.
I have a dream of a little house on a ridge, outside a little town, where I can have a garden and angora bunnies and a free range dog and cook things that take all day. Please keep us posted on your progress so I can vicariously enjoy your solitary witchery.
Thanks! I will definitely do that. I’ve been living in a neighborhood or the suburbs for such a long time; it will be wonderful to return to my redneck, I mean RURAL, roots.
I am withering with envy. Your solitary witchery is already taking effect.
I don’t live alone in the middle of nowhere but my 81-year-old mother does. #1 lesson: Find a good handyperson who can do the upkeep you can’t manage yourself.
That’s sound advice. Right now my handyperson is my dad, which is not sustainable in the long run, as he’s getting up in age himself. The place I’m interested in is teeny tiny, and I have been passed down the Handy gene, so mostly everything (except electrical stuff) I can do myself.
Yeah, it’s good to do things yourself, but sometimes you need more than one person!
Leslie Ellen Jones, PhD
Jack of All Trades and Doctor of Folklore
[email protected]
The Center for the Study of Real Interesting Stuff: <a href=”https://leslieellenjones.wordpress.com
https://leslieellenjones.wordpress.com<br />”Truth is an odd number” — Flann O’Brien
Exhibit A: Holding the Ladder. 🙂
Please write a column for The Toast about it.
This Girl Transformed Her Home to Zeniba’s Hut from Spirited Away. You Won’t Believe etc etc.
YES PLEASE
Workout Thread? Workout Thread! I don’t think there’s one of those yet.
I had a great, invigorating workout on Wednesday – no PR, but felt really good. Then today I cut my workout short because I was feeling very bleh, and started to get a little lightheaded. 🙁
On the bright side, I can see my ab muscles now (if I flex really hard and the lighting is just right)!
Yeah I dipped out of boot camp 15 minutes early this morning due to a hangover.
Wish I had ab muscles! I’ve been strengthening my core but it’s hard to tell from the outside.
I wish it was something as exciting as a hangover! I have no idea why I was feeling so icky. I don’t feel ill at all otherwise. It was just… no energy whatsoever.
When I lose weight, my blood pressure drops and sometimes that interferes with workouts (and standing up quickly) – maybe have your blood pressure checked if you don’t feel better soon? But it usually equalizes after a bit.
It probably is a blood pressure thing – my mom, brother, and I all experience dizziness from time to time because of low blood pressure. Very annoying!
In short-ish succession, I injured my wrist, then gave blood, then got a cold that lasted a whole week. So after 3 weeks sans workout, I’m back. Sort of. Did yoga and one climb this week, and told myself I wasn’t even going to attempt any climb harder than a V1. I sort of stuck to that. It was rough but I’m glad to be back at all.
Woo abs! I also have visible abs for the first time in my life now (ditto to the flexing and lighting haha) and it feels GREAT. All I want to do are sit ups.
Oh no, I’m sorry you got sick! That can be so frustrating.
I have had shit workouts for a while, due to being sick I think. I keep getting super dizzy and lightheaded. Yay low blood pressure!
Hoping it picks up. But also rest is ok.
I’ve finally started running again for the first time in forever which both feels great and frustrating because my neighborhood is so full of long, steep hills that it’s hard to go a mile without walking even a little. (I WILL conquer those hills, one of these days.) I’ve been slowly bringing in some strength training into my routine and it’s surprisingly great. I can feel myself getting stronger, and while I have a ways to go before I can see my ab muscle, my biceps actually do something when I flex and I’m fairly certain my calves are all muscle at this point.
Sorry your last workout wasn’t great–it happens to all of us. Sometimes your body just Isn’t Having It and it’s best to rest up and try again later. Go You Go!
Hamiltonion Toasties…
Have y’all seen this? Maybe I’m late to the party. Well, I am kind of late to the party. But I finally downloaded the soundtrack and lyrics to listen to on a car trip this weekend (unless I’m sleeping, which is pretty likely to happen due to a probably-migraine seriously messing up my sleep schedule the other night; bright side: I did not let it tip me into depression).
Anyway:
Hamiltonion http://faantine.tumblr.com/tagged/hamiltonion
(there’s much more at link)
Historical Archives: Alexander Hamilton Challenges Nation To A Duel http://www.theonion.com/article/historical-archiv…
(text transcribed at link)
omg yes that is amazing! It took me a while to realize it was the Onion haha
Yeah, apparently Onion headline memes are a thing. It was new to me, too!
Ach, I listened to it! It’s true! It’s true! I had to go back to the beginning and listen again! And I would be today, too, if I wasn’t hiking with my family in the beautiful damn fall weather.* Oh boy, but I got a friend to introduce to it next weekend…
Damn, it’s so tight! As perfectly structured as any piece of art I’m aware of, and with perfect intimations and callbacks. Which his actual life (as presented) lends itself to so well. Ugh and it goes so deep.
And everyone’s so talented, and LMM has that charisma for the part. And why, yes, I have been boogie-ing (sp?) to The Room Where It Happens all day, is there something else I should be doing?
*just kidding, it’s great. It just precludes earbuds.
P.S. I wish they hadn’t cut the Hamilton’s Adams takedown, which then had an such an important effect on both their careers. There is a YouTube clip of an informal performance of it though.
I will stop now or else I won’t stop. Okay.
Hi Toastfriends, long time no talk.
I was laid off abruptly on the first and have been having a hard time adjusting to unemployment. I had a friend visiting from Scotland last week which kind of dulled the sting, but now that I am alone again it’s sinking in a lot more. I haven’t been on the computer much as a result.
New York Comic Con was this past weekend and it was great, but also caused a big fight between me and my best friend and she isn’t talking to me currently so things aren’t going so great.
Sorry to bring down the mood a bit, I’m usually sunshine and rainbows, but I’m feeling kinda shitty and don’t have anywhere else to take it. 🙁
In happier news, I had a really good interview this Wednesday and I wrote a really fun review/article about the Canadian exclusive Lay’s Do Me A Flavour potato chips. Take care everyone <3
Sorry to hear this, being laid off is horrible. It’s such a big adjustment trying to simply fill a day after having most of your waking hours organized around work, and it’s a time when self-care can feel unpleasant in my experience. Like, I don’t *want* to take a eucalyptus bubble bath, I want to be at my stupid job that I hate! And I’m sorry to hear about your friend falling out with you, and hope the rift will heal. But now I need to read about those chips! Clever (or dorky) naming of foods is the best. ETA: Oh man, I want to try them all, even the weird meat-flavored ones! Shopping tomorrow and hopefully the market here has the All Dressed ones at least.
*commiserating fistbump about unexpected layoffs and how much they suck* My job gave me 8 weeks of notice, so I’m sitting here half-wishing I could just be properly unemployed instead of bitterly doing my job for another month.
I brought those Canadian potato chip flavors back to the States from Toronto last month and had a taste test with my friends! Personally I like the butter chicken and the Montreal smoked meat, both of which taste frighteningly like the source material.
OH HONEY
Oh no, that sucks. Hopefully you’ll find something better soon. I got laid off a million years ago (which is what landed me you-know-where), and it really really sucked. Hang in there.
Good to have you back, Elyse. Bestest of luck on the interview and keep us posted.
Toasts, I am on the commuter rail ride home.
In the dust on the train window, someone drew a heart with the words “Miss You” inside.
Thinking about my mom who died a couple weeks ago and someone else. Could use hugs in any form.
(((((hugs)))))
toasthugs for you.
Oh, man. Big soft velvety hugs for you.
*hug*
So, so so many toasthugs for you.
I’m so sorry. 🙁 Here is a totoro hug for you.
this is perfection… BIGGEST KITTY IN THE WORLD
I’m sorry for your loss. Mothers can be good, bad and all flavors in between, but they are always supposed to be there. It’s been 20 years for me and I can assure you that time does heal a lot, but I still miss mine, too. Hugs and condolences.
So many hugs for you! My pops died four years ago this coming January and it does get easier, I promise. Not better, by any means, but definitely easier. Know that I am sending you so much love over the internet.
*hugs*
So many hugs for you.
Open thread! Open thread! Open thread! So, two weeks into jobhunting in the big city and playing at Serious Adult Life. High Fives of Defiance out to anyone else in this situation, it’ll be fine! We’ll make it!
Best thing I did last week – watch Firefly (all of it, tragically). I know there are some pretty strong opinions about Joss Whedon on here, so let’s have them. IMO he does a brilliant job with themes and the casting is just so, so spot-on (also, Kaylee = Willow and River = Fred?). They’re space cowboys! Because who gives a fuck!
Joss Whedon is a tool but I love Firefly and Buffy with all my heart. Was this the first time you’d seen it??
Yeah, only a decade late to the party.
Gina Torres makes me question my heterosexuality. She has to be The Most Attractive Woman I have ever seen.
Geez yes. I nominate her for If Gina Torres Was Your Girlfriend.
I think Joss is good at some things (as you mention), but I also think professionally he’s a one trick pony and personally he’s an entitled asshole with an ego the size of Manhattan and is one of the best examples you’ll ever find of A Man Being A Terrible Feminist.
Firefly is vastly improved if you can mentally substitute Christian Kane for Adam Baldwin. Other than that, this is the show that I’ve felt, since I first saw the previews on my snowy antenna television set, has been made specifically for me. Time has not altered this opinion.
I literally just posted this today, and it’s the first thing I’ve written in like 6 and a half years, so…
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11562356/1/Visitatio…
Aww, that is sweet.
Oh, geez, I almost forgot! I am HERE to talk about the new season of American Horror Story! What do we think so far?
PSA for all and sundry!
This is what taught me how to embed pictures. It has to be a picture on a website somewhere. (I’m still trying to figure out where to upload my favorite saved gifs so I can embed those.)
How to Embed Pictures in Comments http://hooniverse.com/image-embed/
Toasties and fellow Phryne fans,
My partner and I both love Phryne soooo much. This week he was sneaking around, making art but not revealing it. He finally finished it yesterday, and it is a glorious Phryne/Jack screenprint, complete with Art Deco design details. Fan art made to please! I have mine up next to my comfy work chair where I may gaze upon the cheekbone glory.
Here is the link to see it’s fabulousity for yourself: https://www.etsy.com/listing/252229848/phryne-fis…
Um so we talked about Gotham a little bit a few days ago, but… does anyone want to talk about The Flash?
Your weekly The Rock update, complete with cod mention: http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/if-you-smell-what-…
Dear Toasties,
I just disappeared for a very long lunch with my direct supervisor and one of the other VPs at my workplace. Said lunch was a much-belated 30 day review, technically, occurring closer to 60 days on the job. And I am just – I’m so happy with this job, and they are so happy with me, and it was a lovely little love fest. And I feel like I’m doing something terribly annoying and #humblebrag #blessed bullshit, but I am SO HAPPY and all that fun stuff and ahhhhhhhhhh.
Oh man, Toasts, I’m taking off for a three week archival research trip tomorrow night, and I’m pretty sure my ambient anxiety is going to make books fall off the shelves or something. This isn’t my first long research trip; it’s not even the first time in these two cities (Oxford and London! Indisputably awesome!), and so far I’ve solved every logistical problem that’s come up, and now I’m wrapping up some last work at the library before I go…and I am still a tightly-wound stress muppet.
How do you diffuse situational anxiety? I’m thinking about going for a run, calling my sister, eating a lot of protein, and checking over my list of mailing addresses, because I am a postcard-sending fiend.
Thanks for the lovely advice last time. Ok, so update.
I do not have a second cat.
I have not learned to sing.
I still do not know what I am sexuality wise besides antisocial and misandrist, so there’s that.
My job is still mildly soul crushing.
But, I’m reasonably speedy on foot now.
(This doesn’t seem to be replying to the correct thread–it’s to blueblazes11 about weight loss surgery.)
I had bariatric surgery 3.5 years ago, and there really is a lot of data about what happens 10-20 years out. It isn’t a magic solution (though man, it sure feels like it for the first 6 months or so!) and it didn’t accomplish all I had hoped for both for total weight loss and for reducing my need for diabetes medication, but I do not regret it a bit. I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy, which is the one that basically just excises 3/4 of your stomach but doesn’t go in and re-route your whole system like gastric bypass. You still have to deal with your mental/psychological approaches to food and eating–the hardest thing for me still is what my brain perceives as “a serving” or “a full plate,” as opposed to what my stomach does–but it does put a physical limit on how much you can eat at a time. It’s a tool, and a permanent one, and not for everybody, but I’m really surprised that your doctor dismissed it for lack of evidence.
I probably could have been more forceful about asking about it. Sleeve is the one that seemed best to me. And of course, there are other roads to the surgery that don’t lead through this doctor. My thought in bringing it up with her now is that the health plan I have now would cover most of the cost, so if it was something worth considering, I’d best consider it while I still have this job.
I’ve read plenty of realself blogs and other info pages, so I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on how the surgery works and what recovery is like.
I assume from what you say that your regrets are minimal?
If you are at all interested, here’s a link to a blog I kept for about 3 years on my experiences getting ready for, having, and acclimating to the surgery: gutinstinctsdotme.wordpress.com Like I said, it was not exactly what I expected or dreamed it would be (i.e., the solution to every problem ever) but I certainly think that it has been a good thing in the long run.
Leslie Ellen Jones, PhD
Jack of All Trades and Doctor of Folklore
[email protected]
The Center for the Study of Real Interesting Stuff: <a href=”https://leslieellenjones.wordpress.com
https://leslieellenjones.wordpress.com<br />”Truth is an odd number” — Flann O’Brien
So relevant to my interests! And I bet to many of you, too.
How People Treat Mental Illness Vs. How People Treat Physical Illness http://www.buzzfeed.com/kirstenking/have-you-trie…
Toast friends, I hope you all get to do something restoring and refreshing this weekend! I am headed out for 2 nights of camping with my bf and dog, in celebration of my birthday which is this coming Monday. I am so excited!! No internet, no screens – just woods and rivers and books and tents and making out with my cute boy.
Just wanted to tell everyone that after missing for 17 days, Rainier was found! I really appreciate you guys being so sweet and supportive. My boyfriend saw her run under a house adjacent to the kudzu field she had been leading us through daily and we put up a trap and we got her home. She is so happy and small and looks like a little bunny.
Also I’m having my shrimp boil this weekend, so shrimp tips and tales away!
ALSO if there is an artsy web designer looking for a job, get at me!
Rain kitty: http://shartbreaker.tumblr.com/post/131251638483/…
Hurray!!!!
YAY!!!!
Yaaay!
AW I’m so glad you found her!
Oh I’m so glad she’s home! I’ve been thinking of you and hoping you’d gotten you sweet kitty back.
I saw Crimson Peak last night and it was everything I hoped it would be, which was namely: Gothic, well-acted, fancy to look at, over-the-top, fun. The marketing makes it seem like it’s horror in the vein of The Ring. Not so! It’s more like a good, old-fashioned Gothic horror movie. Think Hammer movies. I enjoyed every minute. The costumes!!!
OMG, speaking of Hammer films, have you ever seen “Shadow of the Cat” about the cat who witnesses his owner’s murder and then starts killing off the suspects one by one?
Omg, who is down for scary stories? It’s almost Halloween guys!!!
Real life stories, fave urban legends, weird paranormal games you played as a kid????
I’ll put mine below the cut!
http://shartbreaker.tumblr.com/image/126192816773
This was the time that everything seemed normal when I woke up but actually there was a huge ghost handprint on my chest.
http://shartbreaker.tumblr.com/post/126281794933/…
This is something I never want to think about again because oh my god.
http://shartbreaker.tumblr.com/post/126313504983/…
This was the time I almost died for real.
http://shartbreaker.tumblr.com/post/126280895793/…
This was the time I encountered a mean ghost and looked online and it turns out other people did too.
Please tell me yours too, I’m gonna be up all night making halloween decorations!
D&D thread?
I have been playing with friends for a couple months now and we finally got a horse! She pulls our cart, and because I am a forest gnome-druid-sage, I can talk to her! We sort of had to abandon her outside of an orc fortress though. She is now hiding inside the cart, which is placed to the side of the entrance, but I’m not feeling particularly optimistic that she will still be there when we emerge. This is a common tactic of ours though, as we once put a dragon inside a bag in order to bring it back to it’s owners, with moderate success!
That sounds awesome! I’m dying to get into a regular D&D game again, but in the meanwhile, I will live vicariously through toasties! Congrats on the horse! Good luck re finding her where you left her. I feel like if there was nearby grass, your chances are good.
She’s on a mountain, so maybe! A particularly unintelligent orc hunting party is coming back to the fortress soon though, so we’re all feeling fairly apprehensive. No point in bringing her across the rickety rope bridge required to entre the fortress though. We’ve decided that, should we lose Buttercup, our next horse should not have too much personality.
props to playing a druid! I love playing druids but damn, is it a lot of prep work. So satisfying though. Once our party had to find a group of vampires hiding in a village. A pretty cut-and-dried “bribe the barkeep” setup. I turned into a hound and sniffed them out. That was very fun. I love making the DM improvise.
Yeaaaaah! We haven’t done anything exciting like that yet. but I did get to analyse a hippogriff pellet the other day in order to figure out what it was eating! I like knowing things!
I can morph into a dire wolf, which has been super handy for battles. Next option is gonna be giant spider!
We just started Chapter Two of a Weird West campaign we played last summer. The first chapter was set in 1881 Arizona; the second is set in 1884 Colorado. My character ended Chapter One pregnant with the child of the main bad guy. (This isn’t the first time it’s happened – my characters seem to have a habit of having sex with NPCs that later are revealed to be the Big Bads.) WELP, turns out my kid is some sort of harbinger figure, and her birth caused most of California to sink into the pacific and the entire world to be irradiated with magic. Whoops! Then my dastardly brother-in-law kidnapped her for his own nefarious ends, so I hired a bunch of strong arms (the rest of the party) to chase him down.
Amazing! Any progress so far in rescuing your kid? In my mind, it’s like American Vampire!
We’re playing the Sunless Citadel! It has been far less exciting than your adventure. No on has had any sexy times in our game (besides one of our bard’s being flirty with figures of authority). We did have meet a Bugbear that yelled “Get ready to meet the Cook Pot!” to us and try to cook us and we’ve only tortured one goblin so far. We are now on our way to a place called the Glitter Dome and we have high hopes!
No, not much progress yet. Most of the first session was spent playing Faro, haggling over a lot of sickly cows, getting drunk, and bickering about who gets to spend time with the cross-dressing party member. (I’m not sure who in-character is aware that he his a cross-dresser.) Afterwards I learned that the GM had forgotten his notes at home so that lack of progress was at least somewhat intentional.
Is the Glitter Dome like a more fabulous version of the Thunder Dome?
Hopefully! It is an old dwarf stronghold that we are hoping will be sparkling with so many jewels/loot/glam that we will be the blingingest group of explorers that ever crossed these woods! We are also going to try to catch a hippogriff by projecting an extra sultry lady hippogriff image in it’s mind. If it works on Bugs Bunny, it’s bound to work for us!
I’ve never posted here before and I know that I’m probably too late for anyone to see this, but I discovered this week that my abuser has transferred to a school I applied to (and never really had any intention of going to, to be honest) and for some reason it’s unsettled me a lot, maybe because of the sort of tenuous connection to me, maybe because it’s in a pretty central location in a city that I consider Mine despite not going there often and now she has made it Unsafe, but I’m uneasy and feel super crazy for being so upset about it.
You’re not crazy! How you feel is how you feel. I’m sorry that she has made you feel unsafe and upset. 🙁
Thank you so much – I was a little off-balance before I got the news, so that’s probably impacting my feeling that I’m behaving irrationally somehow.
<3
you’re not crazy at all! abusers have a way of keeping their hold on people. hugs!!! 🙁
Thank you so much for the validation and the hugs.
Welcome! It is totally totally understandable that you would feel uneasy because your abuser moved somewhere you’ve considered yours. Your feelings are real and valid!
Thank you! I really appreciate both the welcome and the validation.
You’re not crazy! I had a somewhat similar situation, not with an abuser, but with a former coworker who was generally a huge misogynist asshole and I really hated working with. I’m in academia and a few months ago he have a job talk at my university and I was really surprised how much it upset and unsettled me – I think it’s really easy (and probably somewhat good in a self preservation sense) to compartmentalize and say “okay that happened to me in that place, and now I am in a new place, so it is all okay!” It can be unsettling to have people pop up again, especially in places that are safe to you. I hope you feel better soon, but in the meantime those are totally valid feelings.
Feelings aren’t wrong. Honor them, feel them, be kind to yourself.
I took a minute to imagine myself in your situation. I got the willies just thinking about this. So nothing super crazy about your response to a real experience.
I’ve had an abuser and a stalker in the distant past. I tried to plan a visit to people who know my abuser and had to give up when my psyche surprised me with nightmares. Just planning. To see others. Not him. I’ve made five interstate moves since I gave my stalker the slip 20 years ago. But I still get a panicky when I glimpse someone who resembles him.
You’re OK, hollytrees. Your reactions are normal and healthy. Toasthugs.
Halloween festivities thread, anybody? I’ve been invited to go out on Halloween… Going OUT, especially on a mass-marketed holiday like Halloween is something I haven’t done in a long time. Wearing a costume is also something I haven’t done in ages, which I guess is surprising given my enthusiasm for dressing up at the drop of a hat.
I’m cycling through three options: suffragette, can can girl or valkyrie. I’m having some white-feminist guilt regarding the suffragette idea, because I know many of them were racist and no buts about it, see also http://the-toast.net/2014/04/21/suffragettes-suck…
Also, I don’t really want anyone to think the suffragette costume is inspired the the Suffragette movie, especially given the recent backlash over those regrettable “I’d rather be a rebel than a slave” tee shirts.
I sew and make most of my own clothes, so none of these costume ideas will come out of a costume store. Suggestions welcome! Also: Are any of you toasties dressing up or going out?
Valkyrie!!! What would your costume look like? Googling shows a distressing amount of boob-shaped armor.
Canadian Toasties – I don’t see an election thread (someone direct me if I missed it, please!)
We were talking about strategic voting the other week. I’m wondering how people are doing with that. I’ve been following the anyonebutharper.net website – any suggestions on reliable sites? My riding seems to be doing ok on the no-Harper front – how are yours?
In the interests of voting strategically yet with your heart, has anyone looked into vote swapping?
Talk to me about the election!
I registered with 1votematters.ca and did their pre-election survey; they’ve just issued a riding-by-riding list of recommendations for ABC. It’s always dependent on sample size though so it’s very difficult to tell how reliable the results are. Maybe check a few sites and see if there’s a consensus?
The one thing that heartens me about the election is that slimy Australian campaign manager Harper hired has basically distanced himself from the campaign, so I hope it means he figures all hope is lost.
Thanks for that! I’m going to check it out! Is your riding looking good?
NDP may be leading, so I’m hopeful! Our electoral boundaries were redrawn for this election and it’s now entirely urban – previously we had an urban-rural split that heavily favoured a long-time Conservative incumbent who is not running for re-election.
Mine seems similar. I think I can vote with my heart and we’ll still be ok. Yet, I think I’d rather live in a Liberal province in a Liberal country than in an NDP province in a Conservative country. Does that make sense?
I look at http://www.threehundredeight.com/p/canada.html — I think any riding with an under~75% rating could be overthrown by strategic voting of the 2nd+3rd-place parties.
I had the option of registering to vote in three separate ridings this time (mom’s place, my [subletted] place, my boyfriend’s place where I’m staying) and all three are no-brainer ridings. Ah well.
Thanks for that link! I think I know what I have to do.
My partner lives in a swing riding, and is watching leadnow.ca
Thanks!
Does anyone have any ideas for what a college student might do with exactly one egg white?
Drizzle it over your ramen noodles (I am serious) or into any other soupy substance.
face-mask!
are there other ingredients?
I’m not sure. I saw it on a beauty blog long ago. I seem to recall that she just whipped it up and put it on there, let it dry, and peeled it off(?). I know there are ones that use banana with the egg white and so on. I can’t vouch for the efficacy of either of those options. Sorry!
Food on skin triggers my alarm bells. Is it feeding bacteria?
Oh! Excelllent point, RoseCamelia. Better to make something to eat with it, damskdrednwhite.
Mix it in with one or two whole eggs when making scrambled eggs.
teeny-tiny meringue?
that was my initial thought, but we just made some chocolate-chip cookies (which is where the egg white came from), and the oven burnt the bottoms while leaving the tops almost raw, so maybe not a good idea
Exactly one egg white could bind a small batch of granola. Oats are cheap, egg whites help make clusters, and granola gets baked on pretty low heat so maybe you could avoid the burned-cookie situation.
Whip it into your favorite cold milky drink to increase the protein: cow’s milk, almond milk, etc.
Toasties, I got a new job offer! So instead of dramatically storming off my job in a huff, I will politely and professionally give two weeks’ notice. The weirdest part: my boss and his daughter (also my coworker–this office is extremely nepotistic) just left for a two week vacation TODAY, and by the time they get back, I will be gone. So for the next two weeks I’ll be puttering around with nothing to do except make an employee manual to pass on to my successor.
I feel mildly bad about it because this is the worst possible time I could resign, and boss’s daughter was trying to be nice by closing the office early today so I could go home. But I also feel great, because soon I will be starting a really interesting new job.
Digital/content marketing. Basically, yep! Got into it after deciding to leave journalism as I was tired of being overworked and underpaid.
Late to the party, but SOMEONE, please, agree with me that this short story is ATROCIOUS. I mean, straight up ATROCIOUS. The dialogue is clunky, the descriptions overwrought, the execution cringe-worthy – all so straight-up Male Novelist (TM) that I want to cry, just a little. I mean:
“His voice had gone up. He had lost control for a minute there, and, as per motherfucking usual, it was a deal-breaker. Rachel put up her hand, and she was gone. From the other room, he heard her say, “I’m not going to talk to you when you’re like this.”
O.K., he thought. Goodbye. We’ll talk some other time when I’m not like this, a.k.a. never.”
[…]
“He poured several beers, in succession, right onto his pleasure center, which could remain dry and withered no matter what came soaking down.”
?????? How did Guy From Your MFA Class get published in the New Yorker?
What was wrong? He’d done something or he hadn’t done something. Figure it the fuck out, Martin thought. Root out the resentment. Apologize so hard it leaks from her body. Then drink the liquid. Or use it in a soup. Whatever.
oooooookay, dude.
He was a reserved boy who generally took a scientific interest in the tantrums and emotional extravagances of other children, marvelling at them as though they were some strange form of street theatre.
…No.
This appears to be a story about a man who’s jealous of his ten year old child for throwing a tantrum and saying he doesn’t love his parents.
But to Martin it felt like a calculated display. With this performance of tenderness toward his brother, Jonah seemed to be saying, “Look, this is what you no longer get. See? It’s over for you. Go fuck yourself.”
This is so awful. I can’t read any further.
Do any of the admins actually add people to that group? I've had a pending request for two months. 🙁
yesss, haha. this is all good advice. with my sensitive skin, i am well-versed in patch-testing (and with sunscreen. i burn crazy easily). i'm not familiar with hydrating serums, though. i'm kind of scared to put something that rich on my skin. do you have any recommendations?
thanks for the info! i never thought of just adding a little bit of oil to a moisturizer i already like, but i may go that route!