Women Who Are So Rich They Never Have To Get Up And That’s What Happiness Is I Am Pretty Sure -The Toast

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so rich

so rich2

so rich3

so rich4

so rich5

so rich6

so rich7

so rich8

I don’t have any jokes to make about these, I just think this is what it means to be happy in Our Capitalist Society and I someday aspire to be so rich I never have to get up from a recumbent position.

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Actually a lot of these women look really uncomfortable and are holding their heads at very odd angles...
5 replies · active 494 weeks ago
I had a very large pilonidal cyst removed recently and as a result I couldn't sit at all or stand for long periods of time (going to the bathroom became a huge treat because I was doing something other than lying down). I spent literally two weeks lying down in bed and it was fun at first but then became one of the worst experiences of my life. Let me tell you, I have been enjoying the heck out of my recent ability to sit again. And walking. Walking is so great. The best part of lying down now is being able to get back up again.

The downside is people have stopped bringing me food and expect to clean again.

Anyway. Remaining in a supine position by choice: Awesome. Being forced into it: deceptively awful and also super isolating.
2 replies · active 494 weeks ago
"Mathilde, make the skirt of my gown so fucking long, I couldn't possibly ever find my feet in order to put them to the ground. Make it so wide, I forget where my hips are and that they have legs attached to them. Make my dress a circus tent of immobility and therefore no one can expect me to rouse myself from this settee."
I certainly aspire to read books with as much Dramatic Passion (and while draped in the same volume of flowing iridescent satin) as that first woman.
2 replies · active 494 weeks ago
And when you're his bride you can sit or ride and never need to walk.
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
Why is the third woman Michael Cera
2 replies · active 494 weeks ago
This reminds me of the rich woman in the excellent David Byrne movie "True Stories". She was the richest lady in town, and she never left her bed. Also, that is a great movie and you should all go watch it. Peak John Goodman.
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
Arise, sir, from this semi-recumbent position!

Only women may occupy that position. Do not usurp it.
I aspire to the ladyspreading bravado of the woman in yellow.

"This settee was made for two: just me and my ego."
2 replies · active 494 weeks ago
Anyone else thinking of Beatrice and Lillian from "Another Period" right now, being lifted from the sofa by their servants and carried to a different room? Just me? Man, I love that show.
You forgot Manet's Olympia: So rich she doesn't even have to get dressed.

4 replies · active 494 weeks ago
You could absolutely pull off a recreation of the yellow dress one, and my greatest wish for you is that you might one day do so completely by accident.
Turnip Truck's avatar

Turnip Truck · 494 weeks ago

"'Well,' Mrs. Plumber was saying decisively into the telephone, 'I have discovered the secret of life.' Wow, thought Harriet. 'My dear, it’s very simple, you just take to your bed. You just refuse to leave it for anything or anybody.'"
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
That yellow dress and the green peacock sofa, gorgeous.
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
I want that white dress in the second picture.
amateurhermit's avatar

amateurhermit · 494 weeks ago

I love the woman in yellow. She's just daring someone to try and sit next to her. That tilt of the head shows she's on the very edge. Violence may ensue.
"Lady Agnew" by John Singer Sargent has always been a personal favorite:

1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
Lest anyone think otherwise... Number four is how I sit all the time. Really. If I'm commenting, just assume that that is my attitude all the while.
Charlie Bucket's grandparents were poor as shit and they never got up. (obligatory ref to http://the-toast.net/2015/03/31/the-sequel-to-wil... )
"what it means to be happy in Our Capitalist Society and I someday aspire to be so rich" ...

So rich I can wear a dress made out of an entire bolt of beautiful fabric.
I notice that the sixth woman is being hovered over by two men and is listening, without much apparent pleasure, to another woman playing an instrument. Granted, that's not as tragic as listening to a man play an instrument, but I still think the happiness level in that picture could be improved substantially.

My votes go to the woman with the yellow dress and the green chair, who is clearly living her best life, and to the woman who doesn't have to choose between sumptuous embroidered dresses and adorable little dogs.
1 reply · active 494 weeks ago
Believe me there is no solace in their luxury, only deep despair.
How do you know all these Indigo Girls songs?
Oh, the fabulous yellow dress makes so much more sense now. I'd first seen it on a book cover and it was not completely apparent to me that she was seated:
They only have to get up so they can put those beautiful dresses on. Then immediately resume lounging.
Sargent rules this genre:
Teka Lynn's avatar

Teka Lynn · 494 weeks ago

BEHOLD MY DRESS AND TREMBLE, MORTAL!
Amy Cuddy would approve of the Lady in Yellow's Power Pose. All of these women have the job I'm after, and the career wear to go with it.
AnnaHowe's avatar

AnnaHowe · 494 weeks ago

First reaction to #1: Is she reading porn?
Second reaction to #1: Hang on, that's someone else's hand on the book. She *is* having fun.
Third thought: calls over partner to check that it's not just me. Partner agrees that the hand is a different colour and that it's at a weird angle, and points out that there's definitely someone kneeling under that fabulous dress. You can see their feet.

Speaking as someone who's largely bedbound due to severe disability, and has been for years, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Lonely and boring as fuck, and I have no idea how people handled it before the internet. Cats are an important part of getting through it.
I'm guessing it was a hugely boring pain-in-the-pilonidal cyst to sit still while posing for these pictures, so they picked what they thought would be a comfortable position, but it became a real trial after about fifteen minutes or so. But by the time they realized it was a mistake, they were stuck with the pose.

'Tis such a trial to be an ornament to my man's success!
ticklemysax's avatar

ticklemysax · 493 weeks ago

Had she relaxed enough

How could she be sure

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