1. Because the glass escalator apparently also applies to gay music, I guess.

2. There’s a pervasive alt-dyke juvenile-butch-delinquent atmosphere that’s apparent from the first shot that I can’t quite define, but I know it when I see it. How is this:

qualitatively different from this?

It isn’t, is how.

3. “I don’t like the way he’s looking at you.” Like me that time in 2009 when I got thrown out of a bar in Pasadena for trying to fight the security guard I thought was trying to hit on my girlfriend in front of me (he wasn’t), the narrator resents the encroachment of the default possessive male gaze, and also doesn’t trust Jamie as much as I should have.

4. He’s wearing some kind of unnecessary metal bracelet that isn’t a watch, which is only one step removed from a leather wrist-cuff, which is one step removed from lesbianism.

5. While we’re on the subject, Ryan Atwood from The O.C. was a lesbian. I don’t have time to explain it right now, but he was. Write me a letter if you want me to tell you the full story.

6. “Nick Jonas” is a drag king name. Ray-Bans are drag king sunglasses. Leather jackets are drag king jackets. The James Dean aesthetic is entirely lesbian.

7. How is this:

qualitatively different from this?

It isn’t, is how. This is just a gender-flipped Jane Russell poolside number.

8. This is a one-man drag-show revue! Every butch artefact of he-man culture from the last century is here. Throwing punches at sandbags with the words POW! and BAM! written in comics font (and what could possibly be queerer than comics)? Old ladies in Grey Gardens caftans? It’s all here, and it’s all backwards!

9. This hat:

10. I sound really good and almost butch when I sing along to this song in my car. Thank you for your time.