Reasons I Have Suddenly Fallen Ill -The Toast

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Forgot to brush my teeth the other night.

Didn’t water my plants and now the universe is punishing me.

Lack of willpower.

Health is fueled by assignments and I haven’t hustled enough this month.

Ate a candy bar two weeks ago.

Considered subtweeting.

Someone, somewhere, is disappointed in me.

Allowed myself to enjoy free time.

Watched Law & Order: SVU instead of reading one of my many books.

Subtweeted and now have Regret Flu.

Some overlooked moral failing.

Didn’t go to every party I was invited to and now my friends hate me and their hatred is manifesting into a fever.

Something only my soul knows.

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