Forgot to brush my teeth the other night.
Didn’t water my plants and now the universe is punishing me.
Lack of willpower.
Health is fueled by assignments and I haven’t hustled enough this month.
Ate a candy bar two weeks ago.
Considered subtweeting.
Someone, somewhere, is disappointed in me.
Allowed myself to enjoy free time.
Watched Law & Order: SVU instead of reading one of my many books.
Subtweeted and now have Regret Flu.
Some overlooked moral failing.
Didn’t go to every party I was invited to and now my friends hate me and their hatred is manifesting into a fever.
Something only my soul knows.
This ended too soon.
three small children and eventually, resistance to their germs is futile
^^^ THIS.
alternatively, work in a school setting with small children who don’t fully understand how to wash hands and the germs, they are everywhere
And it doesn’t even have to be tiny people, based on the number of times I’ve been in the washroom at work and some woman has just left from the stall and gone straight past the sink and out the door. Do they EVER wash their hands?
and the woman three cubes over HACKING like she has consumption and is seconds from death. One presumes she covers her mouth when she coughs, but then does she wash her hands before touching the printer, or the doorknobs? Probably not.
I was tempted to spray one of my co-workers with Lysol last semester. Like, seriously, if you’re the chunky-cough species of sick, stay the hell home.
I’m always tempted to “remind” them by shouting realllly loudly after them….
or, made it all the way to vacation without falling ill and then day 1 of break, BOOM.
This also applies to the first day after grades are turned in for those of us in academia
this was my winter holidays 2015: finish work dec 24, get sick dec 25, stay sick until jan 4, time to go back to work, ok, all better.
I got sick starting on NYE, running four days until I was back to work. NYE is also my birthday – double suck.
My kids were both strep carriers this past winter and kept getting my husband sick. He seriously had strep eight times in five months. All of us with young kids are essentially just raising walking petri dishes and praying the plague doesn’t come back anytime soon.
apparently large kids are also irresistible (says the mom of a 15 yr old who’s been puking for 4 days and hasn’t made it back to school yet, and only made it a half hour into work today before having to leave in a hurry).
I Netflix-binged the wrong sorts of shows and now my suggestions are all fucked up.
Seriously. Damn you, Wet Hot American Summer!!!
Rejoice! You can fix this! https://help.netflix.com/en/node/22205
I’m out of coffee
I called sick into work pretending to have a headache and now I have one.
every time.
generally guilt-and-anxiety-induced in my case. still worth it.
“Someone, somewhere, is disappointed in me.”
That’ll knock me out for a solid week, honestly.
The number of pointlessly petty and mundanely cruel things I have done has finally reached a critical mass that has manifest itself physically as a creeping malignancy that will slowly devour me and I will only be absolved of my sins when it finally consumes me completely, leaving nothing; no body, no pain, no regrets. Nothing.
Or I forgot to wash my hands after touching that metro pole…
But I’m pretty sure it’s one of the two.
Oh god Metrohands! You can feel the germs. And I’m not prone to that sort of thing (thank heavens) but Metrogerms are different from other germs. Stonger, higher, faster, harder; some kind of combination of the Olympians and Daft Punks of the germ world.
And why do people on the subway cough in their hands? Why? Cough into your sleeve, people! If you cough into your hands and then proceed to touch stuff, that does nobody any good.
I think my anger about this is what gets my brain started in the morning.
Yes! I have seen preschoolers successfully cough into their elbow “Dracula style” (that’s what their mom called it) so I don’t see how there’s any excuse for an adult!
“Forgot to brush my teeth the other night.”
A former co-worker of mine once told me that he is very strict about his oral hygiene routine because if you get some kind of disease in your mouth, it can lead to heart disease (because I guess your mouth is connected to your throat which leads to the inside of your body which is where your heart is??). Can someone confirm whether or not this science adds up?
I am not a doctor, but my stepmom’s neighbor is a doctor whose research deals with this very question. It seems there is evidence that gum disease/tooth decay/other mouth awfulness can affect other parts of you, including your heart.
From what I understand in conversation with my dentist friend, it has nothing to do with the mouth being connected to the throat; it’s because there’s a ton of blood vessels in your mouth, so an infection in your mouth could easily enter your bloodstream and spread to other parts of the body.
There’s a strong correlation, for sure. Searching for link to study…
My dog’s vets always insist we keep after oral hygiene for our beloved furry monsters. They all invoke the very real threat of heart disease. Mr Rose, a biologist, confirms it’s true.
I hear the mouth-heart thing with humans often enough, but I’ve never heard it for other mammals before. I guess I don’t think of heart disease as a canine problem, for whatever reason – are some breeds more susceptible?
Vets and Mr Rose say it’s the same for all mammals. They also say what I saw someone else post about: some non-oral diseases can have oral symptoms.
This is actually why many educational non-profits in rural and/or high-poverty areas often jump on offers from dental volunteer groups to come for visits. When families can’t take their children to the dentist, the kids are more prone to develop serious and/or chronic health issues that make their obtaining an education that much more difficult. Can’t go to school when you’re sick.
My dentist does an oral cancer screening at visits and she told me it’s because of “something something problems can exhibit in your month before becoming visible anywhere else something something” (I am not a very attentive patient at the dentist because I am cringing in expectation of the point when all the pain begins). But I think there was also a part relating periodontal disease to cardiovascular disease?
Obviously listen to me I know what I am talking about.
oh my god i do not want to die from forgetting to brush my teeth before bed one too many times. thanks all! (-sticks head in sand with toothbrush in mouth-)
I’m fairly certain my death will be inextricably linked to my non-existent flossing habits.
I thought I heard that the plaque on your teeth can become the plaque in your arteries? Like, at a cellular/microscopic level. Or is that just because “plaque” is kind of a vague term and they were just like, “Yea, uh huh, it’s that. Same word.” In order to silence me!
There are many blood vessels in your mouth/gums. Brushing your teeth causes a small amount of trauma to these blood vessels (which is worse if your gums are fragile because you have gum disease) and for a short period of time, bacteria enter your bloodstream. If you have a structural problem in your heart ALREADY (like a heart valve leak, “murmur”, or a recent heart surgery), those bacteria in your blood can “build up” in your heart, causing an infection. This is why if you have a heart murmur, you take an antibiotic before you go to the dentist.
– a doctor (me)
I think part of it is that inflammation in the gums can lead to inflammation in other parts of the body, including the heart? Which is… bad? I think?
A dental hygienist once told me that if I don’t floss my teeth more regularly, I will have premature babies!! I was both horrified and angry, accused her of fear mongering (obviously not to her face because I am not brave), and still have not taken up regular flossing.
I’m glad this thread exists because now I know there is some truth behind her awful words!
That’s hilarious. Not flossing is not how babies are made. Premature or otherwise.
“Didn’t go to every party I was invited to and now my friends hate me and their hatred is manifesting into a fever.”
Alternatively, tried to go to every party and am now sick so cannot go to party that I really wanted to.
i used to think that mallory had a special window into the very depths of my soul but now I’m 100% certain she’s at least sharing it with Jaya.
Got on a 12 hour flight on New Year’s Day, chose leg room over sitting amidst my family where they could have buffered me from strange germs, am being justly punished.
Honestly “got on a flight” is probably enough.
Dayenu. But no, I had to compound it. Obviously, I had very little sleep the night before, and had spent 2 weeks in a cold, damp climate to boot, and a week later, there are tissue boxes every 7 feet in my house because I can’t cross a room without running low on the stash in my pockets.
I love you for that “dayenu.”
💚
Public transportation.
oh my god, the last time I was very sick it WAS because of public transportation! it was because I walked almost two miles in cold rain because the light rail wasn’t running and it was too late at night for the best bus connections!!
immune system weakened by alcohol
Attempt to fight off illness by drinking because “it will kill all the germs” failed.
painfully accurate.
signed,
everyone who works in a bar over the holidays
Way too familiar with this one
Dared to disappoint my mother; am now dying of consumption.
Snuggled an unwilling cat, will cough until March.
Only pretended to watch a Youtube video someone thoughtfully linked me; will die tomorrow.
If you had watched the video, you’d have at least seven days.
But…why does everyone send you Youtube videos about puppies when you’re sad? Like, it’s a puppy. They’re cute and all, but I’d rather a funny story.
Fluorescent lighting.
Tell me you’ve seen Joe vs the Volcano. Best sickening lights ever.
All the dumb things I ever said in my life ganged up at once and now my body is trying to die of embarrassment
Played video games on couch instead of going to gym
Did not eat enough kale/citrus/whole grains/magic beans
Damp hair exposed to slight breeze
Bare feet on tile
Not wearing a cardigan all the time
Not changing out of your sweaty clothes immediately
(Advice brought to you by Turkish matriarchs)
I don’t even own a cardigan. I am possibly already dead.
Also Jewish ones, if my experience is any guide. At least about the wet hair thing.
Persian matriarch concurs. I am routinely scolded about feet on tile in particular.
Sat on cold concrete.
Yes, Asian Matriarchs also subscribe to the wet hair/no slippers on cold floor/sit on cold concrete/drink cold water newsletter.
Neglected to eat or freeze the leftovers and am wasting away from guilt, just like the food is wasting away in my fridge.
alternatively, waited one too many days, then ate the leftovers anyway
Alternatively alternatively, bought vegetables and ignored them until they went bad.
Planned an awesome trip somewhere; body decides against it two days before I leave
I still have no idea what subtweeting means, does this mean I will never fall ill and will become immortal?
My understanding is that Twitter:subtweeting::Facebook:vaguebooking
I don’t have a Twitter though so I might be wrong.
I had to google what vaguebooking was (which, I could’ve done with subtweeting, but this is one of those ignorance bubbles I am comfortable staying in).
Was too pleased at remaining healthy while everyone else was getting sick two weeks ago, will now suffer both from illness and as punishment for my overconfidence.
Oh god. I was SO SMUG all season long at work because when my coworkers kept passing around colds and such (we do teach, it’s understandable) I was Healthy! I was Strong! I was Able To Take Care Of Them All! 3 days after returning to my homeland, BOOM.
Didn’t eat a diet of 100% leafy greens and multivitamins over the past 6 months, am consequently being punished.
Mercury in retrograde
Neighbor’s cat looked at me funny
the morbs
Currently my boss is sick but I am not, so I’m just waiting for the cosmic imbalance to readjust itself
Told my supervisor I couldn’t write my essay because I was ill (instead of, y’know, having a minor emotional breakdown that afternoon). Got ill. Lost voice before major concert.
In my opinion, having a minor emotional breakdown = ill. Your reason was legit.
I’ve found myself coming down with whatever malady I’ve pretended to have on more than one occasion. I don’t know if it’s observation bias or divine retribution.
Pining away for Mallory
The hipsters across the street have cursed me
Too much Carmilla
Oh, my Carmilla binge must be why I’m sick!
…I’m not stopping, though.
Have a severe anxiety attack, spend most of day with jaw clenched, wallow in misery after onset of jaw tension/stress head ache
Yes! The worst. My massage therapist does a thing where she sticks her gloved fingers into the hinge of my jaw from inside while also pressing on the outside, and it is very effective!
Punishment for having bad thoughts about coworker who coughed next to me all day yesterday.
Drank a Redbull on NYE when I knew better.
Have read the Toast all day, every day at work for the past two months.
The air in the city, or alternatively, traveling all weekend