Previously: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.
you know what god loves above all things
what
clean clothes
how’s that
you know how like if a beggar came into your hall while you were eating dinner
and if his leggings have holes in them or whatever
grime
you have him beaten and thrown out into the street
I would?
like how if his shoes had holes in them
from poverty or wherever
you would fling him in jail and literally ruin his life
because his dirty clothes got close to the bread you were eating
well
god’s a LOT like that
is this how like there’s the four types of allegories in the Middle Ages
just the ages
we’re just normal ages, we’re not Middle yet
right, okay
but like how everything is a metaphor and God wants clean HEARTS and the idea of physical dirt is just to help us picture it
short answer, yes with a but
long answer, no with an and
well which one is it
it’s a metaphor for hearts but also literally true
like how there’s dirt under your fingernails right now
it’s both disgusting and sinful also
oh
god loves laundry
huh
LOVES laundry
like
remember Noah and the Flood
sure
not a metaphor
God actually just wanted to rinse the earth out
come on
givin’ the old Earth a bath time
no way
look all I’m saying is that if you show up in Heaven with torn clothes
well
good flipping luck getting Heavenwards is all I’m saying
doesn’t God look past those things
absolutely not
remember how mean rich people are on Earth right now?
about curtseying and wearing a ruff and whatnot
feel like ruffs are anachronistic
yeah okay, like…doublets then
ok well like how big of dicks nobles are right now about showing up at their Great Halls wearing a nice doublet
well God’s WAY worse about it
really?
yes
remember the Parable of the Great Banquet in the Bible
where the nobleman invites a bunch of friends over for a feast
and then when they turn down his invitation
invites everyone else in the neighborhood instead
yes
well remember how then he saw someone wearing dirty clothes at his table and then threw him into prison and also Hell
wait
what
yeah that happened like, right next
are you sure you’re thinking of the Bible
uh PRETTY sure
also theres a lake you can never drown in
really
it’s true
huh
[Image via]
I didn’t know Jolie the Clean Person had the ability to travel back in time!
just the ages
we’re just normal ages, we’re not Middle yet
also #huh
I’ve often thought that eventually we’re going to have to rename the Middle Ages the Pretty Near The Beginning Ages.
I would read and promote a Toast post consisting entirely of suggested new names for the Middle Ages. I see a lot of potential in this area.
The Shut Up, This Is the New 30 Ages.
Cleanliness is Godliness -are you SURE this isn’t my grandmother?
I never fail to enjoy how much the pearl maiden looks like Quasimodo in a dress in that illumination. Whichever poor monk slaved away at it was *so close* to trying perspective but also so, so far.
I LOVE PEARL that is all
Yep, pretty sure anachronism was pretty low on the Pearl-poet’s list of things to be concerned about. Improperly salted food or sex with fallen angels, those you die for.
Really hard to believe anyone wouldn’t want salt in their food tho, especially for all eternity! #istandwithlotswife
Lot’s wife will be standing for a long time. A very, very long time.
Until it rains real hard.
Sex with fallen angels sounds kinda worth it, though.
“Also, you know how the Bible says that Jesus took bread in his hands and broke it? That’s just how clean he was– he could break bread with his bare hands. He didn’t even need a knife, his hands were so clean that they were like razor-sharp steel. Try to break a loaf of bread with your filthy, sinful hands– you cannot do it.”
I love how the Pearl Poet takes a vanishingly minor and mundane detail from scripture and elevates it to miracle status to support his theme, Suddenly, tearing bread apart with your hands is a super power. He’s like a comic book fan who must have an integrated explanation for the most trivial aspect of canon, like how Superman can use his heat vision through his glasses* or the name of the bat that flew through Bruce Wayne’s window,** regardless of whether that explanation raises more questions than it answers.
Or possibly medieval bread was just that supernaturally intimidating, and it really did take either a superior blade or divine strength to hack off a slice.
*The lenses are made of super-tough Kryptonian plastic.
**Dave.
I’ve always just assumed the bread was something like pita bread, because that would be most common in the Levant?
It was unleavened bread because Jesus’ last supper with his disciples was during Passover.
The priest would break bread at Mass, and even though that was probably a special recipe, I feel the poet should have been aware it wasn’t that tricky… Though of course the liturgy also involves ritual hand-washing…
DAVE
The Pearl Poet! When I started Middle English at university, their poems were the first things I tried to read (over the Christmas holidays before I was due to start Middle English the next term; Oxford felt that the best way to do Middle English was to name some books on the language and tell us to get on and learn it and read all the key poems and write an essay before having any actual teaching), which turned out to be a terrible idea. Middle English, I think it’s really interesting that you had no standard written form due to the socio-political climate, but it means people end up having to try to read indecipherable West Midlands dialects, and it’s the worst.
But it’s also totally fascinating that the greatest poets (and not only the English ones) basically all spoke some form of dialect. Today’s poets/authors/voice actors do everything to *avoid* speaking heavy dialect (except when it’s part of their persona).
Also, I so regret that I didn’t get to learning Middle English, too. I must remedy that one day.
you know how like if a beggar came into your hall while you were eating dinner
and if his leggings have holes in them or whatever
grime
you have him beaten and thrown out into the street
What is it with Middle English Christian literature and alarming views with which you’re meant to agree? My favourite is from Ancrene Wisse: “So, why should you love God? Well, imagine a beautiful lady in a besieged castle, who has a knight woo her with beautiful letters and then offer to go and fight off her foes, even though he knows he will definitely die, and all he wants from her in return is her love. Only a complete bitch would say no, right?” Gratitude is not a suitable foundation for love! Dorothy Sayers taught us that!
For the absolute best in alarmism, check out Middle English confessional manuals. There is a chapter in ‘Handling Synne’ called (no joke) ‘The Tale of the Witch and her Cow-Sucking Bag; and how a Bishop Faild to work her Charm, because he didn’t believe in it’. I am actually not sure whether the titles were inserted by the 19th century editor, but anyway it is possibly my favourite chapter heading of all time.
Well, and nothing beats the “Tale of Rychere” in Handling Synne, where the rich dude gets stuck to his wife while having sex until he gives some monks a whole lot of money for them to pray to get unstuck!
Yes! Handling Synne is just chock full of moments that are both horrifying and deeply funny. I giggled most of the way through it, which I’m not sure was the author’s intended reaction – or maybe it was?
I DEFINITELY have to learn Middle English now.
I never fail to enjoy how much the pearl maiden looks like Quasimodo in a dress in that illumination.