Texts From The Pearl Poet: Cleanness -The Toast

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Previously: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

you know what god loves above all things
clean clothes
how’s that
you know how like if a beggar came into your hall while you were eating dinner
and if his leggings have holes in them or whatever
you have him beaten and thrown out into the street
I would?
like how if his shoes had holes in them
from poverty or wherever
you would fling him in jail and literally ruin his life
because his dirty clothes got close to the bread you were eating
god’s a LOT like that
is this how like there’s the four types of allegories in the Middle Ages
just the ages
we’re just normal ages, we’re not Middle yet
right, okay
but like how everything is a metaphor and God wants clean HEARTS and the idea of physical dirt is just to help us picture it

short answer, yes with a but
long answer, no with an and
well which one is it
it’s a metaphor for hearts but also literally true
like how there’s dirt under your fingernails right now
it’s both disgusting and sinful also
god loves laundry
LOVES laundry


remember Noah and the Flood
not a metaphor
God actually just wanted to rinse the earth out
come on
givin’ the old Earth a bath time
no way
look all I’m saying is that if you show up in Heaven with torn clothes
good flipping luck getting Heavenwards is all I’m saying
doesn’t God look past those things
absolutely not
remember how mean rich people are on Earth right now?
about curtseying and wearing a ruff and whatnot
feel like ruffs are anachronistic
yeah okay, like…doublets then
ok well like how big of dicks nobles are right now about showing up at their Great Halls wearing a nice doublet
well God’s WAY worse about it
remember the Parable of the Great Banquet in the Bible
where the nobleman invites a bunch of friends over for a feast
and then when they turn down his invitation
invites everyone else in the neighborhood instead
well remember how then he saw someone wearing dirty clothes at his table and then threw him into prison and also Hell

yeah that happened like, right next
are you sure you’re thinking of the Bible
uh PRETTY sure
also theres a lake you can never drown in
it’s true

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