Plausible Lines For Absolutely Any Episode Of Columbo -The Toast

Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

“Listen, Lieutenant, if there’s anything I can do in order to be of further assistance, I’d be happy to help, but as it is I’m late for an appointment.”

“Oh, of course, of course. Of course. Must be very important.”

“Aw, geez.”

“Oh, that’s right. Have you – have you made any progress with your investigation?”

“Oh, I’m afraid not. No, sir. No, I’m afraid not.”

“Why, no. I remember the tile by the pool was completely dry. What a funny thing to notice.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m afraid I simply don’t have the time to explain this all to you. It’s a very complicated field, Lieutenant.”

“Oh, of course, of course. Very complicated. Probably have to be very smart to understand it.”

“Is that all?”

“Can I offer you a drink?”

“Ah, I’d love one, but on-duty, you know…”

“I’d be happy to explain it to you, Lieutenant, but seeing as how I’m already running late, perhaps some other time…?”

“Put that down, please. It’s very valuable.”

“Oh, is it? Geez, it looks awful expensive. I thought it might be.”

“It is. Would you please put it down?”

“Oh, geez, of course. Sorry. I’m sorry. I just – sometimes I see with my hands, do you know what I mean?”

“I don’t want to be rude, but who exactly are you?”

“Oh, how forgetful of me. You must think I’m crazy.”

“Now, why would a girl like that, with everything to live for, commit suicide?”

“Gee, I’ve always wondered what something like this must cost.”

“Plenty, I can assure you.”

“Sure, but I always wonder, how much? In real numbers, I mean.”

“Well, my wife always wanted one. But I’m afraid I’ve never quite understood it. More of a baseball man.”

“Do you know how many of these you have in the house, sir?”

“Uh, no, not off-hand.”

“It’s not a vase. It’s an urn.”

“You said this was around eight o’clock?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“See, that’s what I just can’t understand. That’s just what doesn’t make sense to me.”

“That’s not a sword. It’s a pala.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m late for my own awards ceremony.”

Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again