16. Hell, purgatory, and heaven seem to differ as do despair, almost-despair, and the assurance of safety.
Sometimes I too have been able to distinguish between despair and almost-despair!!! One is slightly more bearable!
17. With souls in purgatory it seems necessary that horror should grow less and love increase.
HOPE SO BUDDY
18. It seems unproved, either by reason or Scripture, that they are outside the state of merit, that is to say, of increasing love.
IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE THAT THINGS MIGHT JUST NOT GET WORSE, FINGERS CROSSED
19. Again, it seems unproved that they, or at least that all of them, are certain or assured of their own blessedness, though we may be quite certain of it.
Also can’t prove I’m not a monster, sounds about right to me!
20. Therefore by “full remission of all penalties” the pope means not actually “of all,” but only of those imposed by himself.
GOOD NEWS: The pope does not know everything about me; seems accurate
21. Therefore those preachers of indulgences are in error, who say that by the pope’s indulgences a man is freed from every penalty, and saved;
BAD NEWS: even the pope cannot help me, also seems accurate
22. Whereas he remits to souls in purgatory no penalty which, according to the canons, they would have had to pay in this life.
No one can make me pay for things once I’m dead, I very much like this plan, I will not be emerging from the grave to pay you guys
23. If it is at all possible to grant to any one the remission of all penalties whatsoever, it is certain that this remission can be granted only to the most perfect, that is, to the very fewest.
If you’re not already pretty great you seem fresh out of luck!! MARTIN you are a very exacting dude and I wish you were not so mad at me, please emerge from the Early Modern Era and pat me on the head and tell me that I’m doing my best and deserve a nap!!!
24. It must needs be, therefore, that the greater part of the people are deceived by that indiscriminate and high-sounding promise of release from penalty.
Somebody’s getting screwed, I knew it
25. The power which the pope has, in a general way, over purgatory, is just like the power which any bishop or curate has, in a special way, within his own diocese or parish.
POPE OF PURGATORY WOULD BE A SOLID BAND NAME
26. The pope does well when he grants remission to souls, not by the power of the keys (which he does not possess), but by way of intercession.
this is like when someone helps you but you want them to admit on a technicality that they didn’t ACTUALLY help you
27. They preach man who say that so soon as the penny jingles into the money-box, the soul flies out.
That sounds so dope! I mean, it’s bad, obviously, but just, what a great mental image, fling some pennies at me and I’ll fly out of a box, soul-like!
28. It is certain that when the penny jingles into the money-box, gain and avarice can be increased, but the result of the intercession of the Church is in the power of God alone.
JINGLE THOSE PENNIES INTO THE MONEY-BOX
29. Who knows whether all the souls in purgatory wish to be bought out of it, as in the legend of Sts. Severinus and Paschal.
WAIT is there honestly a saint named Easter??
30. No one is sure that his own contrition is sincere; much less that he has attained full remission.
NEVER STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF FOR EVEN ONE SECOND, I’M ON IT, MARTIN
31. Rare as is the man that is truly penitent, so rare is also the man who truly buys indulgences, i.e., such men are most rare.
IF YOU BUY AN INDULGENCE YOU DON’T NEED ONE, WHICH SEEMS TRUE FOR PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING GOOD, SURE HOPE THE NEXT PHASE OF THESE THESES IS MORE CHEERFUL, MARTIN LUTHER, ok see you guys next week
My heart rate actually shot up when I saw this at the top of the page ilu Mallory and Martin xoxo
Whoever wants to start Pope Of Purgatory, The Band: I play hard-core clarinet, call me
This is the best offer I’ve ever read. I play guitar. Let’s get a bad-ass accordion player and rock this bitch.
I am a bad-ass accordion player, I CAN DO IT
OMG this band sounds amazing. You all had better do it and credit the Toast when you become rich and famous.
Do you need a violinist?
“MARTIN you are a very exacting dude and I wish you were not so mad at me, please emerge from the Early Modern Era and pat me on the head and tell me that I’m doing my best and deserve a nap!!!”
As a child and teen, I was a devout Lutheran. (Am still Lutheran, less devout.) I lived in the heart of the Bible-belt, among Southern Baptists, and so Lutheran churches there tend to lean REALLY heavy, REALLY early on teaching children and teens Lutheran history and theology.
Anyhow, that background is to say, never before I have I seen the secret desire of my 12-year old original-sin filled heart so cogently expressed.
This is so much more comprehensible than when I studied these in my History of Christianity course.
10/10; please offer Prof. Mallory tenure in the seminary of your choice.
“Sombody’s getting screwed, I knew it” is my watchword going forward.
There were not one but two early popes named Paschal. The “St Easter” to whom Martin is referring was one of them.
There were also two anti-popes named Paschal. Seems fair.
Hey, wait a minute. This is a tweetstorm!
One piece of ignorance that you can tear from my cold dead hands is my total lack of knowledge as to what an anti-Pope is. As far as I’m concerned anti-Pope is to pope as antimatter is to matter, which presumably also means there must be Dark Popes out there somewhere doing fucked up ineffable quantum things beyond the range of our current understanding of Vatican Physics. I AM ON BOARD WITH THIS CONCEPT.
So, if I were to explain anti-popes to you, would it ruin all your fun?
Although it remains true, whatever explanation you choose, that if a pope and an anti-pope meet, they explode. This was briefly explored as a possible means of propulsion by Leonardo da Vinci, but anti-popes had become sufficiently rare by that point that the idea was forced to be abandoned for impracticability.
Antipopes are a way of fucking up the way you count popes with common names.
The last Pope John before John XXIII was also XXIII. But he is considered an Antipope, so he doesn’t count and it was ok to reuse his number.
But John VIII is also regarded as an Antipope, but DOES count, because by the time they agreed he shouldn’t there’d already been a John IX. And John XX never existed: he was a clerical error in all senses.
Pope-counting is hard.
NEVER STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF FOR EVEN ONE MINUTE. Yup. Check.
FINALLY a theology I can really get on board with.
I had to stop half way through and come back fifteen minutes later. The intersection of joys…
that's why we usually have coffee and donuts afterwards
I have no less than two close relatives named Paschal.
I have no less than two close relatives named Paschal.