Two Medieval Monks Invent Maps -The Toast

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This Classic Toast post originally ran on April 22, 2014.

MONK #1: what does Hell look like?
MONK #2: big upside-down beehive



MONK #1: What is the population of the world
like how many people do you think live in it
MONK #2: three at the absolute most
but they’re all enormous



MONK #2: what are you drawing right now
MONK #1: yeah
MONK #2: you should put in a warning about lions
because there might be lions there
in Asia
and people need to know
MONK #1: are there lions in Asia?
MONK #2: yeah
I mean if I were a lion
that’s the first place I’d go
MONK #1: okay I’ll put something in there
MONK #2: draw him bigger
MONK #1: what?
MONK #2: Draw the lion bigger
just in case the lions there are also giants
MONK #1: how do you know the lions there are giants?
MONK #2: I mean
how do you know the lions there aren’t giants
MONK #1: good point



MONK #1: wait remind me of what Asia looks like when you put it all together at once
MONK #2: a big horse with wings that’s about to eat Europe
MONK #1: right right thanks
MONK #2: no problem



MONK #1: what does Europe look like compared to all the other continents
MONK #2: exactly the same
but pointing in different directions and shaded in different colors
MONK #1: so like Africa, but going north?
MONK #2: exactly
MONK #1: oh wow, it looks like a bunch of flower petals!
MONK #2: pretty cool right



MONK #1: what’s the nearest country to Scotland
MONK #2: a giant lobster


MONK #1: how do I draw England
MONK #2: however you want
doesn’t matter
MONK #1: really?
MONK #2: yeah
make it look like a messed-up dick or whatever, it doesn’t matter


MONK #1: wait but so how much of Scotland is there
MONK #2: I told you
it doesn’t matter
MONK #1: no no I know
but just like, I’m curious
MONK #2: barely any
there’s barely any Scotland at all



MONK #1: what surrounds the earth
MONK #2: mm
some guys trying to blow on us
horrible red chaos


‘MONK #2: oh and one giant man trying to shoot an arrow at us



MONK #2: hey idk if I forgot to tell you this but all of Asia is mostly just one enormous castle



MONK #1: what does the whole world look like when you put it all together
MONK #2: weirdly enough
mostly text
like a big O with a T on it
MONK #1: really
MONK #2: yeah, very few pictures or mountain ranges or whatever, mostly just words in Latin



MONK #1: Where does Africa end
MONK #2: oh it doesn’t
just sort of blobs out into Antartica and keeps going around the whole world
MONK #1: oh okay


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