ByAlana Massey

Alana Massey is a Brooklyn-based writer and the co-founder of The Malevolent Siren Girl Gang. She works for The Internet and is a graduate of NYU and Yale Divinity School, where she received degrees in Misandry and Arson.

  1. The first thing I ever did in my life was crash a party. It was two days shy of my sister’s third birthday in 1985 and she was celebrating early with a party at McDonald’s when I expressed what I am now convinced is the earliest recorded symptom of histrionic personality disorder by insisting on entry into the world before she got to blow out her candles. I was born two days later