Posts tagged “beauty and the beast”

  1. Previously in this series: The sequel to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory that Charlie’s mother deserves.

    EXT. DAY. UNNAMED FRENCH VILLAGE. The THREE BLONDE TRIPLETS and GASTON are all sitting on the edge of the fountain Belle was reading at during the “Bonjour” number. The BLONDES look as serious as possible, for them. 

    TRIPLET #1: So I have a question.

    GASTON: Sorry, what are your names?

    TRIPLET #1: That’s

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  2. TIP #1: It's impossible to eat too many eggs. Ignore the smell. TIP #2: "Maybe" means Yes. "I don't deserve you" means Yes. "How did you get in my house" means "Describe how many sons and dogs we'll have, then Yes." "No" means "Imprison my father in a bedlam hospital, then we'll talk." Gaston doesn't understand consent when it comes to weddings and he sure as hell doesn't understand consent when it comes to voluntary…

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  3. "The hill, crowned with wood, from which they had descended, receiving increased abruptness from the distance, was a beautiful object. Every disposition of the ground was good; and she looked on the whole scene -- the river, the trees scattered on its banks, and the winding of the valley, as far as she could trace it -- with delight. As they passed into other rooms, these objects were taking different positions; but from every window…

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