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beauty and the beast

Movies

The Sequel To The Beauty And The Beast Those Hot Blonde Triplets Deserve

by Mallory Ortberg · April 15, 2015
THEY WERE EASILY AS GOOD-LOOKING AS BELLE, COME ON.
Books

Children’s Stories Made Horrific: The Beauty And The Beast

by Mallory Ortberg · March 5, 2015
Fathers have given their daughters to monsters before.
Advice

No One’s Slick As Gaston: A Pickup Artist’s Guide

by Mallory Ortberg · May 6, 2014
Gaston teaches the rest of you beta maggots how to score hot babes.

More by Mallory Ortberg

  • Christina Rossetti’s “Goblin Market,” As I Understand It

  • Lord Byron’s “Fare Thee Well,” or “I Just Think It’s Funny How”

  • Questions I Have Asked During The Only Episode Of Doctor Who I Have Ever Seen Until My Friend Said “Okay, Mallory, Why Don’t You Write Your Questions Down And Ask Them All After We’re Done Watching?”

  • Joan Didion and Anna Wintour: Best Friends Forever

Advice

How Beauty and the Beast Should Have Ended, If Belle Weren’t A Short-Sighted Idiot

by Mallory Ortberg · May 1, 2014
Belle was so close to commanding a soulless, deathless army in Beauty and the Beast. But she blew it.

Recent

Hey Ladies: We Wrote a Book!
Christina Rossetti’s “Goblin Market,” As I Understand It
Lord Byron’s “Fare Thee Well,” or “I Just Think It’s Funny How”
Questions I Have Asked During The Only Episode Of Doctor Who I Have Ever Seen Until My Friend Said “Okay, Mallory, Why Don’t You Write Your Questions Down And Ask Them All After We’re Done Watching?”
Joan Didion and Anna Wintour: Best Friends Forever
So, How Have You Been Keeping Busy? A Post-Toast Analysis

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