“The hill, crowned with wood, from which they had descended, receiving increased abruptness from the distance, was a beautiful object. Every disposition of the ground was good; and she looked on the whole scene — the river, the trees scattered on its banks, and the winding of the valley, as far as she could trace it — with delight. As they passed into other rooms, these objects were taking different positions; but from every window there were beauties to be seen. The rooms were lofty and handsome, and their furniture suitable to the fortune of their proprietor; but Elizabeth saw, with admiration of his taste, that it was neither gaudy nor uselessly fine; with less of splendor, and more real elegance, than the furniture of Rosings.
‘And of this place,’ thought she, ‘I might have been mistress!’”
– Elizabeth Bennet, Pride and Prejudice
“In place of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen. Not dark, but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me, and despair.”
– Galadriel, The Fellowship of the Ring
“Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-first year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time.”
– Narrator, Beauty and the Beast
Belle from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast is cinema’s greatest idiot. She was seconds away from inheriting an enchanted castle with magical servants who could never die, never leave, never require a salary of any kind, and she blew it. If the Beast died without ever returning to his human form, the curse would remain in place forever, with no hope of future interference from enchantresses or bookish townies. An army of deathless, soulless servants — who, it must be pointed out, had already proved themselves in battle to be stronger than an entire village of armed men. A library tower in which to perfect her terrible solitude. A magic wardrobe to bedeck her limbs in pearls and silks and gowns of spun gold. A tireless spider-stove for faster-than-horse transport. And all she had to do was quietly let the Beast die in her arms — which, let us point out, no one would have blamed her for — and then assume the mantle of his grieving widow and vow to rule the countryside in his stead. It could have all been handled so neatly, had she possessed a trifle more vision.
Perhaps, had she spent a bit more time on Nietzsche and Rand, and a bit less time re-reading children’s picture books, all this might have been avoided.
[The Beast is dying]
BEAST: You came back.
BELLE [loudly, for all to hear]: Of course I came back. Oh, this is all my fault. If only I’d gotten here sooner…But I didn’t. And now it is clearly too late, and you are dying.
BEAST: I think I could recover, if someone would only help me stop the blee–
BELLE: Don’t you talk like that. I’ll never forget you. How can you imagine I would ever forget you?
BEAST [confused]: Belle, do you…love me?
BELLE: I am going to miss you SO MUCH.
BEAST: But do you love me?
BELLE: I am just having so many feelings right now. So many feelings. [Loudly] OF COURSE I’LL CARRY ON YOUR LEGACY. DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT A THING. I’LL LOOK AFTER THE CASTLE AND ALL ITS INHABITANTS IN THE ABSENCE OF A LIVING HEIR OR ANY LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE WILL, MY DARLING. [Quietly] I really have loved spending time with you.
BEAST: Belle…please…I love y… [He dies]
[BELLE pulls BEAST’s paw up to her cheek. He holds it there for a second, then drops it. His head falls back, and his eyes close. BELLE drops the paw and puts her hands to her mouth]
BELLE [Crying]: No, no! Please! Please! Please don’t leave me! I can’t believe I was only seconds too late to tell you how much I loved you!
[Cut to the SERVANTS, who watch the last petal fall off the rose. They all look down at the floor, and COGSWORTH puts his arm around MRS. POTTS. The rain continues to fall.]
BELLE [Crisp and businesslike]: I think we can all agree that, had the Beast lived, he would certainly have made me an offer of marriage. In the absence of a living heir, I am most fit to act as the executor of his estate.
[LUMIERE sobs]
BELLE: Stop that. You’ll get all rusty and useless. [Catching herself] And we have to carry on. For the Beast’s sake.
LUMIERE: His name was Adam. He had a name. We didn’t just go around calling him “Beast” all the time.
BELLE [Carefully considering him]: You’re right. I’m…I’m crazy from the grief. From all the grief that’s inside me, from my dead fiancée. Husband, really. We were secretly married just a few minutes ago, here on this tower.
[Behind her, THE BEAST’s body slides off the roof]
A week later.
[BELLE enters THE BEAST’s room wearily, then flings herself across the bed. She rips a gold crown off of her head and addresses the MAGIC WARDROBE without looking at her]
BELLE: Christ, I’m exhausted. Take this and have it polished, will you?
WARDROBE [tentatively]: Of course, m’lady. It’s — is it new? [Quickly] I only ask because it’s so beautiful.
BELLE: New in some ways, old in others.
[The WARDROBE looks closer and sees a faint outline of LUMIERE’S face in the gold circlet]
WARDROBE: I…
BELLE: I don’t hear polishing.
WARDROBE: Yes, m’lady.
BELLE: I’ll be in my library tower. Have my dinner brought in at seven.
WARDROBE: Yes, m’lady.
Tags: advice, beauty and the beast, disney movies, instead of a dark lord you would have a queen not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn, movies
“magical servants who could never die”
“WARDROBE looks closer and sees a faint outline of LUMIERE’S face in the gold circlet”
Would…would Lumiere be alive forever, trapped as a circlet, unspeaking, praying for a death that could never come? Because, damn.
oh hell yes
It’s what he would have wanted.
This was amazing. And awful. Awfazing. Amaful.
(The Beast’s name was Adam?!?)
“Adam” is fanon, but not official Disney canon.
Probably regretting that chipper “Be Our Guest” song right about now, aren’t you, Lumiere? Be careful what you wish for, I guess!
He did say “Put our service to the test!”
I love it. I love it so much.
In Jean Cocteau’s diary for filming Belle et la Bete he originally wanted the beast to die as well. Since Belle had fallen in love with la Bete it just didn’t make sense for her to suddenly have to put up with Prince Charming. He should die instead and Belle be left with the beauty of the memory which is what he felt created poets. Of course I’m sure after she wrote her beautiful poems she’d be ordering the invisible servants about and enjoying the high life.
Sometimes you need to get into a comfortable place to stimulate the creative juices, and sometimes wearing an unholy crown forged of damned souls is just the ticket to inspire you when coming up with good metaphors about nature and birds and romance and all that shit.
Beast: I’m not dead!
Lumiere: He says he’s not dead.
Belle: He’ll be stone cold in a minute.
Beast: I think I’ll go for a walk! I’m happy! I’m happy!
Belle: You’re not fooling anyone!
…but, but… true love, Mallory, what of the true love?
(curls up sniffling. Shut up. I have a cold.)
I was legit upset when this first started happening on twitter. MY CHILDHOOD!!!
INTO IT
“I never saw a man so big look so two-dimensional…”
“I could scarcely believe my ears. I let out a raucous guffaw; no young lady laughs like that! my old nurse used to remonstrate. But I did. And do. At the clamour of my heartless mirth, the valet danced backwards with perturbation, palpitating his fingers as if attempting to wrench them off, expostulating, wordlessly pleading.”
http://beautynthebeast.weebly.com/the-tigers-brid…
I HAVE MORE.
Ohhhhh Angela Carter all day every day. I’m really sort of surprised we haven’t seen Angela Carter coverage on the Toast – she’s delightfully magical and misandrist.
well that was cool
Dirtbag and the Beast
Wait, I’m confused. Is the Galadriel quote supposed to be about Belle, or Mallory?
Can’t be Mallory, since it’s posed as a counter-factual (“…you *would* have a queen…”). Whereas in point of fact Mallory is already the Dark Queen of the Toast whom all love and despair.
I have never understood the simultaneous love and despair. If you love your Dark Queen, why would you despair?
You love her and despair that she will forever be out of the reach of lowly mortals like yourself, DUh
this makes me want to cry. bad things happenning to good people 🙁
So many conflicted feelings… horror at the thought of this, wonder at Mallory’s imagination.
Oh man, this reminds me to finish my version of Beauty and the Beast where Belle tries to get the Beast to embrace his monstrous scariness so they can use magic to rule the world.
Wait, what? What is this? How can I get a copy of it?
I’m reminded of that ao3 version of BATB where it takes place in Revolutionary France and Gaston is the head of the local class war mob
Wait…can we get a link to this?
http://archiveofourown.org/works/603427
I figure she was waiting to overthrow him until she got tired of his devotion and/or naked body.
“LUMIERE: His name was Adam. He had a name. We didn’t just go around calling him “Beast” all the time.”
Awww i always wondered that!
I think my childhood just died. Also, this is how my first novel is going to end. Bwahahaha!
Is it weird I kind of only wanted her to get it on with the Beast in beast form?
This is probably an entire subculture in the furry community.
Both Angela Carter and Robin McKinley already covered that. Try “The Tiger’s Bride” (as noted above!) and Rose Daughter! (BOTH WRITERS NEED TO BE COVERED BY THE TOAST, STAT)
*chanting*
MCKINLEY! MCKINLEY! MCKINLEY!
So Belle is Barbra Stanwyck from “Baby Face”, is what you’re saying? Because I am pretty sure that that literally could not be better.
I always wanted Belle to get some of the treasure from the castle (there must have been some right? Some that wasn’t secretly a human being) and run off to travel and have adventures like she dreams of doing in the song. Especially because human Beast is so disappointing and weirdly has a different voice?
This is awesome, though I would have preferred Cogsworth to become a crown if poss. I found him more annoying.
Putting it out there, the witch cursed him when he was 11 years old. She was a psychopath– you must pay with your life because you were a dick at 11? Everyone is a dick at 11.
I have just always wanted him to stay in Beast-form. Not die. Like that Robin McKinley book!