One need not be a fan of Audrey Hepburn to consider it a moral outrage that My Fair Lady ends with a continuation of Henry Higgins' weirdly critical, sexless relationship with Eliza Doolittle (you can always pretend it's the Julie Andrews stage version, if that helps). No man who wears hats that unbecoming has any right to be such a prescriptivist in matters of dialect (what is that brown, shapeless mess he has on his head…

For previous installments in our series of fan fictions about the actors who play Sherlock Holmes, click here. Year: 2013 Place: London Smaller place: Ye Olde Mitre Smallest place: A table for three, with the two friends seated next to each other, sweetly, and the reporter across. REPORTER: How remarkable that you two know each other! NICOLE: Yes! Because he died, or so we were all led to believe. You should have seen the…