The Toast has acquired another Nicole as part of our long-term plan to absorb every woman with that name in the next five years. Please give the warmest, Toastiest welcome you can muster to Nicole Chung! She's ours now, and we are hers.
Call off the search! Call off the dogs! Call off the searching dogs. She has been found. The Toast has acquired its first helpmeet, and her name pulses with strange and crystalline energies. She is Maria, and she is our third heat. She does not live in New York and is receiving money for her work. Just a reminder that those things are possible. From Maria herself: