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Home: The Toast

Previous misandrist lullabies can be found here and here. This particular dose of misandry has been brought to you by Toast reader Alexandra Mitchell.

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes
She’ll be coming ’round the mountain, she’ll be coming ’round the mountain,
She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes
Mountains are an oppressive and phallocentric creation of the patriarchy


Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I get sick before I wake,
I pray instead a boy you’ll take


No more pencils, no more books,
Let’s chase all the boys with hooks


Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating his Christmas pie.
He put in his thumb,
And he pulled out a plum,
And said, “What a good boy am I!”
To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he’s a machine, a walking dildo


Mistress Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With cockle-shells, and silver bells,
And male skulls all in a row.


This is the house that Jack built.
Let us dismantle Jack’s house with Jack’s tools


Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch a man right by the toe.
If he hollers, let him scream.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.


Hey diddle diddle,
The Cat and the fiddle,
The Cow jumped over the moon.
The little Dog laughed,
To see such sport,
And the Dish ran away with the Spoon
Marriage is a tool of the State
The end of the institution of marriage is a necessary condition for the liberation of women
and also spoons.


Three blind mice! See, how they run!
They all ran after the farmer’s wife,
Who cut off their tails with the carving knife!
A woman has the right to defend herself,
A woman has the right to use force to defend herself from male aggression


Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
The male sex represents a degeneration and deformity of the female
Men are an obsolete life form.


Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Watching all of the men die.


Bye, baby Bunting,
Mother’s gone a-hunting,
Gone to get a raw Man-skin
To wrap the baby Bunting in


Old King Cole
Was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pipe,
And he called for his bowl,
And he called for his fiddlers three
Treating human beings like objects is a symptom of the disease of capitalism


All around the Mulberry Bush,
The monkey chased the weasel.
Lesbianism is an ideological, political and philosophical means of liberation of all women from heterosexual tyranny
Pop! goes the weasel.

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