I’m A Gamer -The Toast

I’m A Gamer

ByJaya Saxena

on September 11, 2014 in Writing

I’m a gamer. I’m really into games. I’m hardcore into tag.

I’m just saying that if a woman wants to play Heads Up Seven Up, she needs to understand Heads Up Seven Up culture.

What are you, some kind of fake Tiddlywinks girl? Get out of this forum.

I got into Pick-Up Sticks because women didn’t want to talk to me, and now they’re just pretending to be into it because it’s cool? I hate these bitches.

Only a SELECT MINORITY of jump ropers are harassing women, please don’t lump us all together.

Hundreds of millions of people play Capture the Flag. Here are 140 links to help you better understand the situation.

There are no women in Funnel ball. This is an egregious attack by feminist bullies on a game I’ve played for 20 years.

No one cares that you’re a girl playing Mumblety-peg, you just shouldn’t advertise that you’re a girl playing Mumblety-peg. People only specify “girl Mumblety-peg player” to get attention.

If Red Rover is as toxic to women as the SJWs are saying, how come 50% of Red Rover players are women?

Oh, so female Hopscotch players can demand all Hopscotch boards can be drawn with them in mind, with fucking PINK CHALK or something, but I call them out on it and I’m “cis male scum”? Reverse sexism.

If Musical Chairs actually catered to women they’d hate it because they wouldn’t get to play the victim anymore.

Misandry is going to create pro-male bias where it didn’t previously exist. Rock-Paper-Scissors players now have to act like gender warriors, when all they wanted to do was play Rock-Paper-Scissors in peace.

Feminists control everything. This just proves that we need a by-men-for-men Patty Cake community. We need to insulate ourselves against feminist lies…about Patty Cake.

Stop derailing the conversation. This isn’t about harassing women, but about exposing the nepotistic relationships between corrupt Hot Potato journalism and the Hot Potato developers.

THE FLOOR IS MADE OF HOT LAVA AND THE GIRLS ARE RUINING IT.

Jaya Saxena is a Staff Writer at The Toast.

Comments (250)

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+207 Vote up Vote down

CompleatEmDee 127p · 552 weeks ago

Duck Duck Goose is fucking misandrist. Why don't these women ever play Duck Duck Gander?

3 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+87 Vote up Vote down

CaptainNancy 101p · 552 weeks ago

If you can't handle intense sustained full body contact, then maybe Sardines isn't the game for you! It's not my fault you can't handle it.

1 reply · active 552 weeks ago

+183 Vote up Vote down

Rosie_M_Banks 124p · 552 weeks ago

There's a reason it's "patty cake, patty cake, baker's man" not "patty cake, patty cake, baker's person".

WAKE UP SHEEPLE. The feminists will capture you and make you their cake-slave!

6 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+106 Vote up Vote down

ramina 119p · 552 weeks ago

If someone made a t-shirt that said Fake Tiddlywinks Girl on it I would wear it constantly.

10 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+35 Vote up Vote down

Currer_Belle 133p · 552 weeks ago

[Current News Story] + "Gate" = Pearl Clutching Scandal

This must be the laziest way of upping the drama of a [current news story].

1 reply · active 552 weeks ago

+20 Vote up Vote down

nonvolleyball 98p · 552 weeks ago

this is a wonderful post, Jaya.

+172 Vote up Vote down

seasleepy 99p · 552 weeks ago

Look, I know the statistics say females play games but do you ever see them playing real games that require strategy like "Father May I?" No, they're all playing casual games, like tetherball or whatever bullshit is out there nowadays.

+43 Vote up Vote down

CaptainNancy 101p · 552 weeks ago

It's What's the Time MISTER Wolf?

6 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+165 Vote up Vote down

hurdyburdy 150p · 552 weeks ago

social justice warriors complaining about female representation in games always conveniently FORGET about characters like MISS MARY MACK, I'm not saying feminism is a CONSPIRACY OF LIES but it makes you think

6 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+18 Vote up Vote down

angrypedestian · 552 weeks ago

I have no jokes to add, just a question that has been plaguing me my whole life: How does one actually play funnel ball? I'm assuming it is a game associated with those things every playground has where you toss a ball into the thing and it comes out one of the four funnels, but I have never seen anyone ever actually play a game with it.

Then again, I also learned, like, two weeks ago how to actually play tether ball, so maybe I missed that day in kindergarten where they teach you how to play all of these games?

13 replies · active 415 weeks ago

+154 Vote up Vote down

hurdyburdy 150p · 552 weeks ago

Why do you think tic tac toe is played with 'X's? Why not 'Y's? Just more #feminazi #SJW #misandry, #smdh

+40 Vote up Vote down

mkpatter 114p · 552 weeks ago

(Psst it's SJW, not SWJ.)

Yes, people are really calling it GamerGate, though I would hestitate to call some of them people.

30 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+32 Vote up Vote down

logicbutton 128p · 552 weeks ago

Bless you, Jaya.

1 reply · active 552 weeks ago

+129 Vote up Vote down

somebees 113p · 552 weeks ago

The blocked comments on this are going to be beautiful.

4 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+151 Vote up Vote down

robot_dinosaur 115p · 552 weeks ago

"THE FLOOR IS MADE OF HOT LAVA AND THE GIRLS ARE RUINING IT." omg Jaya omg

2 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+46 Vote up Vote down

Hieropants 116p · 552 weeks ago

Where are the MSPaint charts detailing the conspiracy to silence tic-tac-toe players, I can't understand anything without charts

+40 Vote up Vote down

ct330 108p · 552 weeks ago

You don't see us trying to horn in on Miss Mary Mack, do you?

ETA: Oh, damn. hurdyburdy invoked Miss Mary Mack & did it better.

3 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+76 Vote up Vote down

BourneApprox 113p · 552 weeks ago

Don't forget, boys. Girls have all the power in our society, and they know it. Think about how emasculated you are the next time you ask Mother May I.

Sincerely, Men Going Their Own Way (At Recess, Towards the Kickball Field)

8 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+120 Vote up Vote down

Frumiosa 141p · 552 weeks ago

BUT BRO DO YOU CAKE??

2 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+84 Vote up Vote down

tekkah 115p · 552 weeks ago

I would buy a shirt for every day of the week if the next round of Toast Merch just said stuff like "fake tiddlywinks girl" on it.

While this whole thing has my ire up something fierce overall, I could not help taking immense joy in watching everyone scramble like cockroaches in a suddenly-lit trash warehouse when Zoe Quinn posted all the screenshots of the IRC she had been lurking in for weeks to reveal the true nature of the attacks on herself and others.

11 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+98 Vote up Vote down

Hieropants 116p · 552 weeks ago

HOW CAN U PLAY 'TELEPHONE' OBJECTIVELY WHEN U ASSOCIATE WITH THE OTHER PLAYERS AT RECESS

5 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+16 Vote up Vote down

onefinemess 79p · 552 weeks ago

I totally missed whatever this is and am now furtively googling. I'm betting it has something to do with people saying stupid shit, but I COULD BE WRONG.

[edit: Does reading twitter conversations make anyone else feel really, really old? This seems to be one place that the tech/social overlap has really left me behind.

Anyway. Wow. Bunch of bullshit. Glad she got to flip it.]

4 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+49 Vote up Vote down

NicoleCliffe 145p · 552 weeks ago

Red Rover is so scary, though. Can we talk about how scary Red Rover is?

35 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+13 Vote up Vote down

anninyn 124p · 552 weeks ago

THESE FAKERS ARE RUINING BALL-IN-A-CUP!
http://redqueenwildboy.tumblr.com/post/5426310993...

+36 Vote up Vote down

cosmia 123p · 552 weeks ago

TOO REAL, JAYA. TOO REAL.

Mr. Cosmia works for a fairly large, well-known video game store franchise that I will avoid naming and this shit is so rampant with the people he works with it's super gross, despite the fact that all his coworkers think they're super enlightened bros because they really liked Bayonetta.

+27 Vote up Vote down

elsamac 121p · 552 weeks ago

#FakeTiddlywinksGirl

1 reply · active 552 weeks ago

+48 Vote up Vote down

Samk12345 114p · 552 weeks ago

GAMERS TAKE HEED.

I let a girl join in on our game of pogs. She only had a plastic slammer so we had to use plastic slammers too. Then, everyone stopped playing EVERYWHERE. Video games are next. Wake up, sheeple!

+1 Vote up Vote down

GoatseFanfic 120p · 552 weeks ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXWiG2B4zk

+15 Vote up Vote down

Samk12345 114p · 552 weeks ago

THIS IS LIKE BENGHAZI BUT WORSE

13 replies · active 552 weeks ago

0 Vote up Vote down

nyx · 552 weeks ago

lol this was so great

+74 Vote up Vote down

spiffygrits 114p · 552 weeks ago

Holy crap, this is perfect.

Revelation I had as I read: I used to collect marbles, but I did not play marbles. I think I was a fake marble gamer girl. IT WAS ME ALL ALONG.

8 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+34 Vote up Vote down

gripyfish 109p · 552 weeks ago

Doctor Dodgeball: teaching girls accuracy with projectiles and also that they can be medical professionals!

(Or, if you're me, the psychological value of getting hit with a dodgeball, writhing on the ground, and shrieking MEDIC! like I'd seen in war movies. Brings the game to an absolutely screeching halt.)

+29 Vote up Vote down

gavinbyrnes 143p · 552 weeks ago

what do you think G.R.O.S.S. stands for it's right in the title come on

+31 Vote up Vote down

bastardsnow 104p · 552 weeks ago

#notalljumpropers

+110 Vote up Vote down

hugpunch 130p · 552 weeks ago

My friends and I started a fake sorority in college and we met every Tuesday to watch Nip/Tuck and the rules were you had to wear sweatpants and the floor was lava. After a few weeks, we had at least 20 women in there, smooshed onto couches, sweatpants galore, and dudes begging to join. Kappa Kappa Phi Beta Triple Gamma 4 Lyfe

8 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+55 Vote up Vote down

czargasm 124p · 552 weeks ago

UGH STOP WITH THESE MISDIRECTING ARTICLES. Can't we just focus our attention on the real issue--corrupt reporting practices in The Tag Times?

1 reply · active 552 weeks ago

+17 Vote up Vote down

yuu · 552 weeks ago

But guys, it's about CORRUPT JOURNALISM! And we all know corrupt journalism in the gaming community didn't exist until Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian invaded! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

+18 Vote up Vote down

leahbear 123p · 552 weeks ago

Huge urge to make "girl Mumblety-peg player" the description on all my online profiles

+72 Vote up Vote down

drladybusiness 117p · 552 weeks ago

Look we all know these fake girl jacks players are making up these threats

here's all their home addresses

+1 Vote up Vote down

avantsweater 94p · 552 weeks ago

The last one is so good.

+2 Vote up Vote down

Tyler McCabe · 552 weeks ago

JAYA THIS IS PERFECT

+24 Vote up Vote down

spants 105p · 552 weeks ago

It's Simon Says not Sally Says!

+11 Vote up Vote down

Samk12345 114p · 552 weeks ago

More evidence of the feminist plot to destroy gaming and men unveiled

+1 Vote up Vote down

stateside_ 114p · 552 weeks ago

All of this, for fucking ever. <3

+17 Vote up Vote down

sarapyle 119p · 552 weeks ago

My delicate female hands are no match for the rigors of wall ball - clearly men are the superior species.

2 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+10 Vote up Vote down

stateside_ 114p · 552 weeks ago

Shout out to Mumblety-peg, proof that boys have been stupid and flirtatious with injury since time immemorial.

+63 Vote up Vote down

craniest 118p · 552 weeks ago

if girls were meant to play jacks they'd be called jills amirite

+35 Vote up Vote down

m98widow 112p · 552 weeks ago

A level 2 MAN tried to make a fireteam with me in Destiny. I bounded away as he continued to wave forlornly at me. I have level 7 things to do, dude. I am a LONE WOLF.

Actually, I felt pretty bad about it. He just kept waving at me. Damn the patriarchy for making feel guilty about not saddling myself with someone who is just going to drag me down.

2 replies · active 552 weeks ago

+25 Vote up Vote down

evilfiek 0p · 552 weeks ago

There is so much internalised mahagony going on here!

+34 Vote up Vote down

jtradke 117p · 552 weeks ago

ROSALYN RUINED CALVINBALL

1 reply · active 552 weeks ago

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